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ironmandeficiency · 4 years

Text

dropped hints never picked up

pairing: wolffe / reader

word count: 2203

summary: wolffe’s been trying to catch your attention for a while now, but you’re more oblivious than he thought you’d be. this is the last time wolffe goes to boost for advice.

req: Wolffe x reader, #15 from the prompt list?

“Hi, I’ve been subtle at hinting that I want your attention all day and you haven’t noticed once and now I’m pissed.”

a/n: i had two ppl request this prompt for wolffe and it made it all the more important to perfect this piece. i changed a couple of words but the meaning is still the same so 🤷🏻‍♀️ no beta, just me on my bullshit

79’s was crowded as always, the music loud and the smell of booze permeating the air. it was comforting when paired with the company of the wolfpack, the battalion you worked under as a medic serving as both pleasant company and a deterrent for unwanted visitors. wolffe had a hand resting on your knee, the commander occasionally giving it a soft squeeze throughout the night.

three nights prior, wolffe found himself sitting on boost’s bunk, head in his hands. for weeks he’d been grappling with the emotions running rampant through his body like a raging blurrg. they were emotions he never wanted to feel, ones he’d been trying to repress to no avail.

boost, oddly enough, seemed to know exactly why wolffe was waiting on him before the commander had even opened his mouth. wolffe wanted to make a move and boost was going to be the one to help him. he advised wolffe on ways to be subtle but still show more affection than normal, things like extra physical contact and some offhand but sweet compliments to kinda nudge things along.

it made sense to him; you weren’t one for big showy signs of affection and he wasn’t a showy kind of guy. you had a way of knowing what he wanted to say when he wasn’t in the mood to speak, seeming to pick up on his moods with a familiarity he didn’t expect to share with someone outside of his brothers or even general buir. there were times where you both would complete each other’s sentences (it was disgustingly cute in the eyes of the rest of the ‘pack) and the blood would rush to your cheeks, wolffe immediately turning away to hide his own blush.

right now you were sandwiched between wolffe and boost, the former on the outside of the booth claimed upon arrival. drinks were passed around by comet who knew how you enjoyed your fruity cocktails with the twisty straws and umbrellas and did not fail in bringing one your way. you thanked him with a smile as you took a small sip, savoring the taste of your drink as well as wolffe’s hand on your knee.

he’d gotten quite a bit more affectionate lately and seemed to be touch starved, so you didn’t comment on the uptick in contact (you didn’t want him to think you weren’t okay with it because you were plenty okay with it) as you let yourself revel in his warmth.

“wolffe, do you wanna try?” you hold your drink towards him with a soft smile. he’d confided in you several days ago that he had a sweet tooth to rival a small child and comet did bring you one of the sweeter cocktails offered at the bar.

your hands brush lightly as he takes the drink from your outstretched hand. he briefly smells the concoction before taking a sip, and judging by the soft smile on his lips he liked the pineapple mango-rita. “not bad, cyare,” he gingerly hands you back your drink, hands once again making brief contact.

“if you like that one, i think you’d also like the nubian smile. it’s a favorite of mine.”

“i’ll have to try it some time.”

then warthog mentions wolffe’s name in whatever story he’s begun and the moment’s broken.

conversation flowed as freely as the bar’s beer tap. you sipped lightly at your single drink and listened more than you spoke. there were several stories shared that you hadn’t heard before, like how sinker got his name and the time boost tried to prank commander cody, that had you laughing uncontrollably and leaning closer to wolffe’s side. he responded in kind and soon moved his hand from your knee and wrapped it around your shoulder, subconsciously pulling you into him. it was more relaxing than you would like to admit.

wildfire had finished ratting out boost for sneaking bubble wrap into dozens of bedrolls when you went to sip your drink and got surprised when the pineapple wedge bonked you on the nose instead.

your face scrunched at the prickly skin of the fruit and wolffe thought it was the cutest face he’d ever seen. the offending fruit wedge was then plucked from the rim and glared at for a brief moment as if it could feel shame for its actions.

the plan was to eat it as punishment for its crimes but wolffe had other plans, playfully snatching it from you and taking a chunk out for himself. he was smug about it, eyes holding yours captive in a “what’re you gonna do about it?” look while his mouth twisted into a playful grin.

“hey, that was mine!”

“gotta be quicker than that, dear,” he replied as he took another bite before sliding it back onto its previous perch.

everyone else at the booth was about to vomit but it wouldn’t be from the booze.

————

you were glued to wolffe’s side the rest of the night at the bar and on the way back to the barracks. neither of you had enough to drink to completely explain the constant small smiles and excessive contact, but you didn’t care. wolffe was here and might as well have been holding you and you were living for it.

he had asked to walk you to your quarters with a gentle hand in yours, thumb smoothing across your knuckles tenderly. you were so absorbed in the skin to skin contact that you could only nod in consent.

the walk there was filled with small talk and nervous touches, both of you leaning into each other without realizing that’s what you were doing. before you knew it, you were in front of your door. neither of you acknowledged the arrival until wolffe grabbed your hand in both of his, tightening his hold briefly.

“sleep well, cyare. i’ll see you tomorrow.” his voice was soft and rumbly, attesting to the late hour and the evening spent drinking.

“see you in the morning, wolffe, goodnight.”

he lifted your hand still grasped in his toward him, placing a feather-light kiss to your palm. it was the gentlest thing you’ve ever seen him do and the fact it was with you sent warmth through your veins. his eyes were locked onto yours as he placed the kiss, keeping you in place.

you were desperate to give something, to reciprocate the tender way he touched you, but he was already leaving you in front of your now-open door for the night. when did your door open? and since when was wolffe so soft towards you?

————

the goodnight kiss wasn’t acknowledged aloud after that but you both thought about it constantly. you had no idea where it came from yet your entire being seemed to yearn for him to do it again when in his presence.

since then he became more open with his affection, even holding your hand in front of his brothers (that would tease a tiny bit before being shut down with a glare that dared them to question his happiness). you responded in kind, holding his hand right back and always finding a way to him after long nights when you were all sent to one planet or another. it was pure bliss and you weren’t going to question it.

but then, while planetside somewhere in the mid-rim, he seemed to not have anything to do besides trail you in your work.

the morning (very early morning) began like many of them had started to since the night at 79’s, you cradled by wolffe’s arms where he clung to you in your sleep as if to keep you from flying away. a fellow medic seemed timid to wake you once they noticed whose arms were keeping you down, the newer woman repeating flustered apologies for the interruption as if it weren’t your job to be woken up like this.

from that moment on through the rest of day, you didn’t spend more than a minute with wolffe at a time. not for his lack of trying.

he would appear seemingly out of nowhere every couple hours or so while you were bandaging one wound or cleaning another, words precise but tone gentle.

“hey cyare, the locals invited several of us for lunch to celebrate our arrival. wondered if you wanted to come with me.”

“you’ve been on your feet for hours, come have a seat for a minute.”

“sinker was playing a game with some of the kids, you shoulda seen his face when they beat him.”

turning the invitation down hurt more than it should have, but you had too many wounded and too few hands to help you with the workload. there was nothing in you that could justify going to a dinner prepared by the people you were here to serve.

a few hours later, he brought a plate back for you so you didn’t completely miss out on eating something that wasn’t rations. it took some convincing but he was able to sit you down and get you to take a moment for yourself to eat. while you ate, he gravitated around the medtent and offered his services where he could to alleviate the guilt he knew you felt for sitting. it was touching to see him talk to the various patients so gently, the children having not an ounce of worry about the giant, strong soldier.

with more effort than you thought it would take on your end (because part of you simply didn’t want to), the commander was shooed out of the tent so you could continue to work.

a couple hours later wolffe showed up again, telling you about a beautiful view one of the scouts found while on patrol that he wanted to show you. the flowers he described were vibrant in color and scent, decorating the landscape with hues previously unknown to many of his men. he wanted to show it to you, help you relax because you had indeed been on your feet nearly the entire day.

when you turned him down yet again, his eyebrows furrowed together and he looked upset. it was a reaction you were not expecting by any means. the other times you didn’t accept his invitations he simply tucked you under his arm briefly and pressed a kiss to your temple. this change in mood was unsettling.

“wolffe, what’s wrong? talk to me.” it worried you to see him distraught, the reason unknown. approaching him slowly, you rested a hand on his shoulder that he quickly moved away, choosing instead to grip it in his a bit tighter than usual.

he took a deep breath to steady himself before answering you, trying to dispel the anger and hurt to avoid making you feel guilty. it didn’t work as well as he wanted it to because his voice was gruff when he answered. “i just-“ he took another breath to steady himself. “gods, y/n, i’ve been subtly hinting that i want your attention all day and you haven’t noticed once and i’m pissed.”

that’s what he’d been trying to do? it made so much sense now! how did you miss it?

your other hand met his that still held you, smoothing over the skin on the top of his hand in consolation. “wolffe, i’m sorry. i just got so wrapped up in work today that everything else just passed right over my head.” you felt guilty. he was only trying to help you and spend time with you and there you were just turning him down!

“and that’s why i kept trying, cyare. you work so hard and while i admire it, i would much rather you spend time with me than the bacta patches.” the smile returned to his face at your ministrations but his eyebrows didn’t soften.

something was clearly confusing him but questioning him before he had his thoughts in order would do nothing to help. so you stood with him and continued to hold his hands as he thought, hoping that whatever he was thinking about wouldn’t hurt him when fully realized.

“do you… want to spend time with me?”

you were shocked. how did he not realize that every time you didn’t go with him today you lost a little pep in your step? each time he came in, your resolve weakened and if he had pushed just a tiny bit more to get you to come with him, you would have given in. you explain this to him with a soft smile.

“i’m sorry for pushing you away today, wolffe. i’d love to go with you.”

the smile that lit up wolffe’s face could have powered the entire planet of coruscant with its radiance. “i’d love to take you, cyare.” you let the commander guide you out of the medtent and towards the promised landscape, too wrapped up in each other to notice the sergeant and lieutenant watching them.

“about damn time! shit, why did it take so long?!”

“shut up, sinker! they were trying to take it slow, be subtle about it!”

“whose dumbass idea was that?”

a pause. “mine.”

“okay, it wasn’t that dumb.”

“thank you.”

“i’m kidding, it was extremely dumb.”

#star wars reader insert #star wars fanfic #star wars imagines #star wars the clone wars #star wars #commander wolffe #commander wolffe x reader #commander wolffe imagines #we love and respect commander wolffe in this house #commander wolffe is an entire damn meal #wolfpack x reader #boost and sinker are idiots #they're lovable idiots tho so it's fine

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moonlit-imagines · 4 years

Text

Headcanons for being Peter Parker’s Younger Sibling

Peter Parker x sibling!reader

warnings: bullying mention, blood mention

a/n: a fuckin reach, its been a WHILE since ive seen tasm

prompt: y/n is peter’s sibling

peter and you were playful kids

you were just a year and some months younger than him, so you had a harder time remembering your parents than him

but he always told you stories about them that made you miss them a little more

peter was a genius, we all know it

he was the one helping you with your homework most nights

“peter i cant do it!”

“that’s okay, y/n. look, start with two times four, that’s eight, then four times six, twenty-four, right?”

“can i say a cuss word?”

“sure”

“math is shit”

you would cry during homework a lot

you’d also pass out on his floor after talking for hours

and you’d either wake up facedown on the floor or in your room since uncle ben would pick you up and put you to bed

peter took it upon himself to take you back to your room, but he usually dragged you by the arm, sooooo

you’d play action figures together

he was batman, you were robin always

“can i be batman?”

“oldest gets to be batman so im batman”

“but i wanna be batman!”

peter walked you to your school before taking off on his skateboard

and he’d pick you up on his way home

on half-days your brother taught you how to skate

you fell a lot

aunt may had to patch you up

“how many times do i have to tell you those skateboards are dangerous?!”

peter got you your own skateboard so that you could practice without him

you would text him after you did a trick and he’d always say hell yes! show me when i get home!

being his photography assistant

really you were his assistant constantly

science fair was the most boring day of the year

“y/n, stand right here, i need to get something from my locker”

*judges walk up while youre left unattended and in a state of PANIC*

you were bullied in middle school, same as peter, he’d always stick up for you and get beat up instead

it made you very mad but it was scary, too

“how’d you get into this fight, peter?”

“oh, you know, just happened”

“peter was sticking up for me, uncle ben”

“was he now? you’re a good brother, peter”

lonely when he moved onto high school :/

but you got there soon enough

you guys were kind of loners, just ate lunch together, lugged around your skateboards, you were an artist, he was a photographer

just spectating the chaos of high school, rolling your eyes at the drama

“i have two bucks, do you want anything from the vending machine?”

“uhh, a coke?”

you saw peter get bullied by flash and lost your shitttt

you actually started a food fight after throwing mashed potatoes in his eyes

“what the hell, parker?!”

“sit down and eat your goddamn food, flash, or next time it wont be potatoes”

peter was half-proud, half-embarrassed

trying to see how long you could skate through the halls before any authority figures stopped you

sometimes......you guys got sent to the office together :)

*phone ringing* “hello, is this ben parker?”

“which one of them is it this time?”

the principal’s office was a trip sometimes

you and peter exchange your glances and wait to get scolded

“ah, the parkers, come in, lets have a chat...why do you two always feel the need to get in trouble together?”

“we just happen to get along really well for siblings”

no you fuckin dont lmaoooo

it was always something with you two

like always

*banging on peter’s door* “I KNOW YOU HAVE MY BROWNIES, PETER, GIVE THEM BACK”

*peter through a mouthful of brownies* “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT, YOURE CRAZY”

“is that my jacket?” -peter

“you mean my jacket?”

“y/n, i swear to god if you steal any more of my clothes it’s over for you”

“well, aunt may keeps giving me your clothes, so take it up with her”

and then there was just the little annoying things

“peter, can you stop clicking your pen?”

*clicks pen faster*

“you’re the worst”

and my personal favorite

“peter, open the door”

“why?”

“emergency”

*opens bedroom door* “what?”

“aunt may is making meatloaf”

“shit, uh...get your board, we’ll skate to mcdonalds and tell her we already ate”

peter and you RARELY ever brought your parents up until he found your dad’s briefcase, you didn’t have much to say

soon he was flooding his room with conspiracies and pulling you in to explain them

he began acting REALLY weird, but he was pretty open with you, he told you he went to oscorp

“YOU SNUCK IN??”

“your standards for me are way too high, y/n”

soon you started to feel not-so-good and weird things started to happen

“peter??”

“yeah? whats up?”

“this is gonna sound really weird...my hand is stuck to the door”

“it happened to you, too??”

“happening, pete. wait—this happened to you?? what is this???????”

yall done fucked up and got bit by spiders peter had so carelessly brought back into the house

it was an adjustment to say the least

and this adjustment got a whole lot harder that one night...you can remember peter just...so upset

you tried to chase him out to make sure he was okay, but uncle ben told you to stay with your aunt

maybe if you’d have been there...it would’ve been different, but when the cops got to your house you were at a loss for words

peter was covered in his blood still

“hey, hey, just breathe, okay? it’s not your fault, peter. just hop in the shower, yeah? i’ll take care of your clothes”

when peter took your advice and you were left alone, you just cried, you cried until he finally found you curled up in a ball in your room

then he cried, you just hugged each other sobbing your eyes out

peter got distant for a while, which was rough since the two of your were mourning for your uncle and dealing with these newfound powers

sooner or later he came around and helped you out, designing webshooters and a suit for you

“we match?”

*sigh* “yeah...yeah, we match”

ah yes, spider-team

you really tripped out new york at first, they thought spider-man was a teleporter

peter was still talking about your dad, but you really didn’t care, uncle ben was always going to be who raised you

you and peter would be covered in bruises after going out

“uh—peter punched me”

“y/n???!!!”

“I PANICKED”

just being dumb scared teens that cant function to save their lives until they get a little bit lucky

seriously like, every big villain you guys fought was just the worst

peter didn’t help all the time, he was good at provoking them sometimes

“hey, spider-man, you mind shutting up for a minute? for my sake?”

“sorry, sorry, just couldn’t help myself!”

he gushed to you about gwen stacy, he actually dragged you to her apartment to be patched up by her SEVERAL TIMES

yadda yadda yadda peter graduated high school! how cool is that? but he was late (what a surprise) even though you put off spidering today just for this

but he made it and you clapped the loudest for him

“thats my brotherrrr!!!”

cute family picture! (aunt may printed a bunch of them and gave them to you two and peter pinned them to his wall)

you and peter actually have a lot of pictures of the two of you just goofing off

he has one of you stuck in a trash can that cracks him up every time

seeing harry osborn again after YEARS

“wow, y/n, last time i saw you i just thought you were peter’s annoying little sibling”

“aww, it’s good to see you, too”

electrooooo

this guy really worried you bc like, bzzzz shock

you and peter weren’t equipped for that

it took a while, but you were finally able to deal with that

and several other problems

including peter’s breakup, which was a whole ordeal of its own

*peter laying upside down on your bed* “i dont know, y/n, you know? i wanna be with her so bad, i love her...but her dad is haunting me”

*you, drawing on your notepad with your legs propped up on his* “yeah, makes sense”

you actually had to tap out during the end of electro, you were hurt pretty bad

“y/n, hey? yeah, you’re okay. stay here, just stay right there, i’m gonna be back for you”

*thumbs up to show youre still alive*

but when peter came back for you there was bad news, he’d lost gwen

he ripped his mask off and fell to his knees, you could barely move but you powered through it, giving him a hug while he cried

“we...we better get home before aunt may starts to worry”

she was at work, so you two had the place to yourselves to clean up and mourn before the official news was revealed

“i should have listened to her dad, y/n, this is all my fault”

he was a mess, you couldn’t bare seeing him like this. it’s been so long since you’d seen him like this

the funeral was rough, peter was grasping onto your shoulder the whole time

he insisted that he was going to stick behind and stay with gwen for a while

“okay, i’ll see you at home...love you”

“love you too”

you gave him a hug and left him to his business, the next few months you were the only spider-person operating in new york...until rhino popped up

“im coming with you”

“you’re sure?”

“yeah, im sure”

(these are kinda ass but anyways im tagging my marvel ppl even tho ik this isnt mcu so just ignore this post if you dont care, sorry!!)

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs //

#peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker #spiderman #spiderman imagine #spiderman x reader #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #andrew garfield #amazing spider man #amazing spider man x reader #amazing spider man imagine #parker!reader #peter parker x sibling!reader #peter parker x sister!reader

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iwaisa · 4 years

Text

request. trynna think of a request for u rn 🧏‍♀️ how ab tsukki w a best friend who’s so grade conscious bc ppl have high expectations of them n one day she breaks down bc she b afraid of failure n he’s like .......ok ill comfort them bc theyre my best friend but im also secretly in love w them trope😝 definitrly not because this reminds me of a certain someone who is not myself and i definitrly dont need to hear this😭 - @tsukisemi

a/n. sue you are a GENIUS I LOVE YOU AND YOUR BIG BRAIN. i absolutely adore best friends to lovers/childhood friends to lovers tropes they make me so happy ugh once again THANK YOU

► now playing...

- pairing. tsukishima x female reader (pronouns not specifically stated, but there is ma’am lol)

- warnings. make out session! lol oops. suggestive content

- word count. 1.8k+

it was a friday evening, and you found yourself studying at kei tsukishima’s house. again. no matter how many times you tried to convince him to do other things while hanging out in the warmth of his bedroom, he always insisted that academics came before baking and movies.

the two of you have been friends since your last year of junior high, after yamaguchi was too busy looking up at his tall companion to realize another figure was about to collide with him. the two of you made contact with the ground, before jumping up to apologize quickly.

tsukishima found himself instantly infatuated with you - you were gorgeous. your breathtaking eyes, the way your school uniform seemed to fit just perfectly, the way he imagined your smaller hands and fingers slotting in between his - he was absolutely intrigued. yamaguchi would say love at first sight, the taller male would call him ridiculous.

the three of you instantly clicked, with you and yamaguchi being the more talkative ones of the trio. tsukishima acted as a parental figure, scolding you two constantly for doing things you weren’t supposed to.

upon overhearing a conversation with sensei that you would be heading to karasuno for high school - the same place tsukishima and yamaguchi were planning on going - he let out a breath he never knew he was holding in. he continued listening to sensei urging you to plan on going somewhere more academic based - like shiratorizwa or fukurōdani. you put it simply that you would rather go somewhere more balanced. sensei was hesitant before he approved of your plans.

you had always been good at doing homework and classwork, but you weren’t so good at taking tests. they intimidated you, making you worry that you would end up receiving something lower than a B+. tsukishima and yamaguchi knew of course, since the two of you held frequent study sessions at each others’ houses. this tradition carried on even when the three of you made it into karasuno, just not as frequently due to the boys’ volleyball practices.

today, however, yamaguchi was helping yachi teach kageyama and hinata english since tsukishima blatantly refused. the two of you headed back to his house, and instantly began flipping through your textbooks. he was quietly scribbling words and numbers on his papers, seemingly flying through assignments. you were sat on his bed, stuck on one section in particular.

“why the hell is ap chemistry so hard?” you sighed, scratching your scalp. tsukishima turned his head to see you rubbing your eyes, which adorned deep blue bags underneath. he sighed, putting his pencil down as he walked to sit on the edge of the bed alongside you. he looked over your shoulder, reading the complex chemical equations. “you know this one, l/n. you got it.”

you shook your head quickly, “no, i don’t tsukki. i have no idea what i’m doing and sensei literally didn’t even teach us this. see, this is why i’m glad i didn’t end up going to an academy because this would be ten times harder. i hate that people are always assuming i can handle this with ease. i can’t.” you finished, blinking back tears.

tsukishima sighed, rubbing his eyes underneath his glasses before readjusting them to focus on the question. he began rubbing his finger over the numbers, slowly explaining each process. you were surprised he was being kind, but you didn’t want to take this soft moment for granted. you simply nodded your head, hurriedly scribbling down what he was saying in your notebook.

“tell you what,” he turned, looking into your eyes. “if you can do these next four questions by yourself, i’ll give you something i’ve been meaning to for a while.” you tilted your head, “tsukki, my birthday was months ago.” he chuckled, getting up to sit in his chair, which was now facing you. “i’m aware.” the two of you stared at each other for a while, before you turned your attention back to your textbook.

using tsukishima’s explanations and whatever strategies you learned from sensei, you flew through two of the questions with ease, getting stuck on the third one. tsukishima explained once more, telling you to use a different equation for the next two. you nodded, finally understanding.

the next two questions were hard to figure out, but you finally got through them. you placed your pencil in between the crease of the pages, looking up to tsukisima expectedly. when he didn’t move, you were confused. did he just trick you into doing homework?

tsukishima gulped, attempting to calm his erratic heart and shaky legs. was he ready for this? no, he wasn’t. but even as yamaguchi said; he’s been putting this off for long enough. he knew he liked you, but had no idea just what to do about it. he knew he would be jeopardizing your friendship in some way, but tsukishima couldn’t deny that he wanted some sort of affectionate skinship to happen between the two of you.

he released his lower lip from his teeth before shaking his head. he stood up, walking towards you with slight hesitation. he plopped himself next to you, your shoulders brushing against each other. tsukishima lifted his glasses off his nose before leaning forward, pressing a quick peck to your lips.

your mouth fell open, and your eyes widened more than you believed they ever could. your face exploded with heat, and you began spewing out incoherent words. he stood up, returning to his seat. “tsukki?” you asked in disbelief. “yes?” he responded, seemingly unphased. “w-what was that?” he watched you run your middle and forefinger over your lips, “my gift.” your jaw dropped open once more, earning a rare chuckle from your blond friend. or maybe, not a friend anymore.

“if you finish the next four questions, i’ll give you another one. if you want,” his last words were muffled by the back of his hand. you smiled at the sight; tsukishima, the most stoic boy you’ve ever met, was embarrassed. nonetheless, you were going to earn another kiss from your friend, not to mention the boy you’ve been in love with for the past two years.

you were quick to pick up your pencil, reading the questions as quickly as possible. “and don’t rush either, idiot,” tsukishima jested. you stuck your tongue out at him, feeling your heart flutter as he let out a soft chuckle.

you made sure to complete each question thoroughly, wondering if you would get extra points for doing more work. tsukishima stood over your figure, eyes scanning over each question. he pointed at one, “the equation was right, but check your calculations again.” you sighed, turning back to the book.

tsukishima bent over, pressing a light kiss atop your head, making you jolt in surprise. he staggered back holding his chin, and you stood up waving your hands frantically. he held his hand up to stop your word-vomit, letting a light chuckle escape his lips.

you pressed your lips in a line, sitting back down. you began calculating the equation once more, finally coming up with the right answer. “there you go. see? you only have four questions left now.” you lifted your chin expectedly, watching him squat in front of you. you pursed your lips as he began to lean in, pressing teasing kisses to both of your cheeks. you groaned in annoyance, before sandwiching his face in between your palms. “stop teasing,” you muttered sternly. “yes ma’am,” he joked, finally closing the distance between you two.

this kiss was a tad bit more passionate, the two of you moving your lips together excitedly. it would’ve been a make out session, if tsukishima had not pulled away with a grin. “last four questions.” he smirked at you before standing up, returning to his chair once more.

these questions were possibly the worst. there were multiple equations in each separate question, and it left you wondering why someone would ever want to major in chemistry. tsukishima watched your face contort into borderline anger, your lower lip between your teeth. he swiftly stood up, placing himself next to you on the bed. he reached his arm around you, rubbing circles into your lower back as you continued writing the wrong equations.

“here,” he spoke up finally, removing the pencil from your grasp. he began writing in a clear fashion which numbers were to be plugged in where, and it finally clicked for you. he glanced at your profile, watching your mouth fall open. he smiled to himself as he watched you solve the equations with ease, his hand never leaving your back.

you finally finished, looking up at the blond with long-awaited anticipation. “you’re eager,” he whispered, his eyes becoming soft. his gaze flickered between yours and your plush lips - the one’s he’s been waiting to feel on his for so long. and the feeling wasn’t disappointing. they felt amazing, and he was on cloud nine. a little voice that sounded like yamaguchi resonated in tsukishima’s head saying, “finally.”

the two of you began moving forward at a slow pace, until you gripped onto his shirt pulling him into you to finally close the gap. this kiss was definitely not like the last ones. this one was ferocious; two pining friends finally earning exactly what they’ve been patiently waiting for.

tsukishima’s right hand made its way to your hip, prompting you to lay down. he hovered over you, not once pulling away. your tongue brushed against the seam of his lips, and he eagerly allowed your tongue to meet his. your hands began roaming, feeling tsukishima’s pecs. they slowly moved down to his abs, which were rock-solid, much to your surprise.

you gasped as he pulled away to press open-mouthed kisses on your jawline, moving down to your neck. your hands gripped his hair as he sucked on a particular spot that elicited a whine from your throat.

he pulled away, looking down at you with golden irises filled with lust. his gaze fell on the newly formed red spot on your neck, and he sat up pushing his glasses back to rest on the bridge of his nose. “sorry about that,” he whispered, his voice filled with nerves. “don’t be. i liked it,” you smiled, watching his gaze soften for the umpteenth time that day.

“do you like me?” he asked hesitantly. you paused, your eyebrows furrowing in mock confusion. “you know, for one of the smartest in the class, you’re pretty dumb.” he opened his mouth to protest, before you sat up to give him a quick kiss. “yes, i like you.”

his arms wrapped around your waist, pushing you back down onto his bed. “can we cuddle,” he said it as more of a statement than a question. you chuckled, wrapping your arms around his back. “can you be my boyfriend,” you pretend to mock, causing his head to snap up. he nodded hastily before burrowing his face into your chest once more.

“i love you,” he said, his words muffled by your shirt. “i love you too, kei.” you smiled as you ran your hands through his golden locks, hearing a content sigh escape his lips.

#tsukishima x reader #kei tsukishima #tsukishima kei #haikyuu!!#haikyuu!! x reader #tsukishima x fem!reader

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arpiniko · 2 years

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So art review huh? ofc i'm later that most other artists. i always am.

what a year huh?

i know it is supposed to be only about art in here. but i really feel like sharing the overall run of that year. for myself. and since my ankle is swollen and in a bit of pain from unknown spider bite and i cant sleep its a good time to write it right? i'll tag it as a long post i guess so you can skip it. and maybe figure out how to put this all unter a cut on pc later.

january 2k21. what a year. or more. it felt like it lasted for actual 3years or 5min. i remember only deep darkness. oh i spiralled down as if i were pole dancing slide then. moment ago, i was with my fren buying some xmass presents for her fam and some of her frens. oh i was jealous of that. her having them in some kind of unwritten deal of getting each other presents. i wanted to be that. i wanted to matter to others. and just few days later. jan. and i felt so bad i told her i might be taking a break from social interactions. spoiler alert. itwas the dummiest thing i did all year. or actually the outright bad, terrible step. that made me miserable. i barely started that tarot art series, i had huge hopes with that. but. i mentally was so low. the lowest ever. just finished my phd. my bro wed. my other bro created a one man photo studio or sth. and i was the most miserable i ever was. even worse than after or before any operation i had.

january was... a void. so was feb, and march and april. but with those i will write more below. but... it was terrible for me. i got out of bed bc i had no other idea living with parents and having them 24/7 around. thats good in retrospect. but i can tell weekly i ate maybe total of 4 dishes. not full. just dishes. the only thing that got me going was my hammy. Płomyczek. little flame if you may, my little sunshine. you remember that post about a guy who had depression and got shrimps and they elevated him from the darkness? it was similar but not as strong. it just kept me.... nose above the water level.

also. january was just after my granny had a head stroke. she spent few weeks at hospital recovering. and you would expect her to come back very disabled. many have that after one. but she came back so similar. tired. recovering. relearning how to write, and loosing words. but... she could walk. read. count remember talk and do basicly anything she could before. so thats a great news! she still needed a lot of help. shes being after hesd stroke. grandpa still recovering after his half foot amputation. that was not ..... ideal. and i had to be the one, in my very drowning condition, that took care of them. me. who barely ate a 2day meals over the week. i had to have strenght to help granny with groceries, carry and help grandpa with putting on clothes, any house chores. i was living for them. not for me. i barely lived for hammy. and now i had to find any strenght to go daily and commute 1h each time to grandparents. do art. bc that was the only thing i did for myself then.

february was very similar. i drew some more tarot (thanks gods i at least could do any art at all), took care of plomyczek and grandpas and i got back on discord on one group. just one. it was the art one with few of my irl freinds. they didnt do much like... they couldnt. i would not allow to drag others with me. oh right. i forgot to mention why the isolation from my fren in the first place. she was going through her very hard and exhausting studies. some other shit oappened o her. and she was already succumbing to darkness. and my foolish ass though that with breaking any convos with her would ease the pain she had. that i wouldnt flood with my problems and i was dgragging her down. maybe i was. maybe i wasnt i dont know that. anyway. the dc. that was another spark that kept me up. just. social interactions. seeing other ppl arts. hearing their ups and downs and just.... people. around. even virtually. that was. what actually i think lifted me up. i wasnt just nose over water level. it was one eye. sometimes two. or maybe mouth. but still never good. but it was a little step forward.

so far forward that:

march.

i wrote a letter. with pen in paper. you know the one you see in movies or sth. to my fren. the one i ghosted. bc i felt a bit better. and i saw in her update on ig as i randomly after a long time of inactivity i saw she was very much struggling with her uni and life. and i wasnt there. but i wasnt yet ready. or rather i already went so deep i didnt know how to speak again. so i wrote a letter to her. i know i tend to over you i's and me's and all when i talk. so i prioritised in there to onlt speak of her. to encourage, to give her a bit of reassuring. i am so bad with words. it must have been terrible letter. on one hand i hope she burned it bc it was awful. but on the other. i hope it means to her. bc she means a lot to me!

i gave her the letter with a bit of hmmmmmm snacks? i dont know... few snacks, a bit of cookies i baked with very little strength that i used to bake them rather than eat for a day i believe. but. i said i gave her it? well plan was to just go to her home and just..... hang it on the fence. i wasnt ready to face her. i really wasnt. but.... something made me not hang it. i... texed her. asking is she was at home. oh gods i trembled so hard there. it was hella cold but my body was so boiling from cold sweat. i was pretty sure i was gonna collapse or run away or dunno. but she was there. she went out. saw me. and invited over. oh i was pathethic. i still am. even now reminiscing about that brings up tears. but. if i had therapist they would say it was the greatest step i could do atthat state. anyway. we had a bit of talk. i was crying all the way. but i hoped we can just ignore it and take it as a game bug xD i believe. i want to believe i helped her. somehow. just her knowing, maybe? that i care. i miss her. i do regret. but ok. she sorted out the school stuff not soon after. so i like to tell myself at least i .... didnt nailed her coffin.

there was other thing that happened in march. barely it started. i... had to bid farewell to plomyczek. some things happened. maybe my neglectence or some other reason. but he caught some nasty bacteria. and basicly blocked his nose. and hamster cant breath with mouth as humans. i run like crazy. on even less sleep and food than before. i went to 3 diff vets. gave him a lot of meds. but i was too late, he was too tired. and the source of it wasnt knows. who knows? maybe that was covid? but i decided to put him to sleep. ahd here comes more tears. oh boy. he was my sunshine. my little flame of hope. when i chaned his water i got some for myself. i gave him a apple and got some for myself.he greeted me in the evening and was by me all the worst hours of the day back then. and he left. i just hoped he never had to suffer. honestly. i only remember that rush time as a blur. i only wanted him to be safe and happy. only that matters. ..... that was very hard emotionally month for me.

april. it took me about month. to recover from grief. maybe long maybe short. i still miss plomyczek very much. i started talking with ren a bit. very, very little. but thats better than nothing. slowly i guess. but this month wasnt easy on me either. some may say its nothing. but for me it was... very difficult. i mean i got new hamster. maybe too fast. maybe not. wegielek. little coal. (i guess you can tell i have a certain system for names heh) and i believe he was a bit traumatised in a pet shop. dunno how exactly but his socialization and taming was very difficult. nonetheless i loved him immediately. he has a little temperament. and i love wim with his little trauma. i try to ease it as i can. and it works most of the time. but he still has some ticks. but i love him. so thats a happy thing to happen.

the unhappy thing is... april i know as my birthday. well mine and my bro. since hes also from april (later few days but older 3 years). i know corona and stuff was still happening barely first vaccs were given to eldest. but he still invited some frends over. then went to bar to have a drink. and... me. i.... i ofc got some wishes from fam. since they are there 24/7 right. but.... i got only one more wish from friend. and not the one that i was close with anymore. and thats it. we had a thing on that dc server where we wrote our bday dates. and we would cheer and all for each other... and somehow.... none noticed. i also spent the whole day. waiting for the one little text. from that fren. but none came in. not that day. not tomorrow. not week later. she forgot. everyone did.

but you know. one person. one anonymous on here. one person wrote me a little bday wishes as ask. and i havent replied to that yet. why? bc that alone kept me up for months now. its sincere. and i hope whoever sent it had a wonderful year and has a amazing this and next and next and next and how long they want. thank you.

and april finished. i was devastated about that birthday. i was so sad. i actually spent the next day never getting up. first time in a year. even my family felt i couldnt get up. but it passed.

i dont really remember much about may. meaning nothing too bad happended then. oh wait no. i do remember one thing. just after the end of april i twisted my ankle. and had to get some first aid or whatever its called. and i realized my insurance might be gone by now. i have never worked. i only went to school and that ended in 2020. and i actually might have to pay few hundreads for my health. (shaddup americans. this is new concept to me. let me be scared as well) turned out my uni's insurance was valid till end of may. i was safe for now. but what then? covid was raging. work was either impossible to get or i had no mental capacity to even apply let alone attend anything. so maybe another studies? course? anything. and i applied for a free school for a disabled and elderly caretaker assistant. me. a pshysicly disabled bitch with crippling depression were to learn how to take care of others. ye i know, jokes.

but i had to take whatever. and classes were online anyway and never in peson and never even knew my teacher bc all was sent in pdf's etc. but i.... learned. a bit. ye. finally after years understood how to read and understood pressure. thanks school. so that. attending these classes made my legal status again as a student. meaning my fam can connect me to their insurance and it doesnt cost like 100+zl per month but barely 6zl a month. big diff right. and i kept that status through holidays.

ah yes. holidays.

june july and august. there weren't much stuff happening again. usual. nothingness during covid times, i stayed home that time. i even had i think 2 weeks free house. home alone if you will. i havent rested in so long like back then. i felt so much better. i hadnt my family constantly on my back since they went to mountainside. i hoped i could invite some friends over but non could. i tho got invited to my friend for oh ever so divine pierogi! or rather dumplings. bc they were gyosa dumplings. but holy fuk! she made them herself and as always they were just so delicious, and she made herself the sauce and oh gods i'm hungry now. (that friend is one of admins on that dc server i mentioned) i wish i could cook something for her in return but its never goingvto be so oh sooooooo amazing and her dumplings.

this post is already hella long. but also there wasnt much great or terrible happenings. i cant pinpoint most of the events to the certain date or sth. but there was few good things - usual meeting with local art friends from around were resumed! unfortuantely on black saturday (you know us have black friday and poland has black week) so the crowds around were AWFUL. and the meet was smaller than usual also bc covid. but it was still so amazing to meet these few ppl i havent met ever since covid started.

on the other hand. my psychiatrist lets say... broke up with my case. like she straight forward told me she sees she doesnt help me anymore and i shall find a new one. which is fine i guess. i understand where she comes from. but it also felt a bit like a betrayal. but. what is importan she gave me prescription for my meds for half a year. thats good. plenty of time to fine new one. but also. somehow. i dont recall exactly when. but i.... gradually stopped taking meds since that event. and i know what some may say - its very dangerous, and i will spiral down or sth. but. BUT. i took into consideration all that. i have them on hand all the time. if i ever feel like my chin is touching the water. i have them. i can get them. but the thing is. i may not be happy yet. i may be so oh so broken still. but. its much much better than i was before.

this january. vs the one last year. i cant even comprehend anymore how i could led to that drowning. and after i stoped taking meds. and mind you its now about 4-5th month since then, i have much better controll over myself, my moods, my thoughts. my mind and body. i still will burst into tears when thinking of plomyczek, i still am zoning out and dissociating, bit also i get myself together slowly. i make some small changes to my life. very small. but before, they were impossible, i am starting again on building my portfolio to get to art school. hopefully i'll make it till june, and i finnally hoping to get myself to some therapy and doc that will tell me if i have adhd bc that shit sounds too familiar to not be a case in my too many problems xD

things arent bright yet. but they are not overwhelmingly dark and drowning as they were. in this deep black waters i think i finally found place where i can keep my head above water and feel my feet on some ground. i do hope i can get up and get better soon!

so, to everyone that ever helped me, with word, with thought, with commission, with smile or pierogi, with a hug or a funky meme, i see you and i love you a little bit. Thank you! it really means a lot to me!

#long post #personal #art in 2021 #art in review #my art #also i cant really see anything in my art that related to the events i wrote there #so this is so not correlating to each other xD #but screw that. i felt like writting this all down here. take it #ignore it. or block me xD your call.

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papers4me · 4 years

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Fruits Basket, SE02, Ep24

This is a buildup ep for the finale. looks like furuba’s tradition for awkward buildup eps continues as this ep is clearly divided into two parts: machi & zodiac banquet.

-Killing the Vibe (furuba style):

Usually when writers buildup an emotional moment, they either go with it right away or if it is not its time, they slowly dissolve it or gradually redirect the story somewhere else. But the most important thing is that you hold on to the feeling they worked so hard to build but know that it will be dealt with later. Usually this is done with minor visuals such as quick flashback to the main event & the character taking deep breath ignoring it. But it is acknowledged that now it is not the time. Furuba doesn’t do that. If they build high moment & decide it is not the time to continue with it, they drop it abruptly, using the ending ost as a closing sign....which is odd cuz this is not episodic eps but continuing plot. They did it twice now: (a) tohru’s nightmare ep 19. it was treated as cliffhanger, but the next, we opened with yuki’s narrative where we see tohru normal. I know tohru’s issues will be dealt with later, perhaps season 3. But the nightmare moment was left hanging weirdly!! we never saw tohru deciding not to focus on it or anything! then (b) the kyo/tohru moment on stage & the symbolic tearing image ep23. Big moment which I know will be focused on later. But it is so freakin odd that we see them so normal in their daily activities..as if nothing happened. Not a slight visual hint that either one is troubled... I praised how in ep, 23, they showed tohru face worrying abt bits & pieces here & there. These visual hints connects the plot.. For a moment I thought Cinderella play is a filler!! but I don’t think so, since 3 major things happened (Tohru’s near confession, machi’s opinion of yuki, arisa’s recorded outburst) two of which dealt with this ep. I know they want the focus to be on yuki, seeing that his plotline is moving smoothly without awkward breaks, but why not smooth out the other’s plotline with minor visuals without the jarring jumps. Ending ost is not automatic shifts in continued plot. Oh well, it is a minor thing I felt, no big deal.

-Machi pov is here!:

I never expected to see machi today! nice surprise! So machi is not only lonely, she lives alone! that’s odd & tragic! how can a junior high school student live alone? since when was she living alone? & her mom calling to check on her or insult her or scold her! I never wanted a phone call to end this fast. Machi’s monologue was amazingly done. Rather than describing her feelings to us or stating what we are already seeing, the words came cold.. automatic.. slow.. without much emotions. Exactly imitating how machi feels abt herself. DULL. She never thought abt things such as fave color or fave place. never thought abt anything that requires personality or preferences. The imagery they used while she was walking in the street is epic! It explained her mentality! honestly even if she said nothing around that time while she was walking, the image would’ve done enough! Machi was able to see the change in yuki cuz she was able to sense that yuki too was dull/boring or felt he felt so. Now he laughs, jokes, interacts, & joins outside school activities. Negating the dull persona. Now, it is only her. machi questions if she can do the same but her question comes out loaded with her negativity. Instead of can I do the same? it is “ why Am i here? Her bad habits are pulling her back & resisting the change.

- Since they’re deciding to embark into the romantic aspect of mach/yuki & to further add contrast to his interaction with tohru, machi is shown so struck by yuki’s presence, she falls. Typical romantic moment that I appreciate for machi who thinks she isn’t typical girl. but dull girl. Yuki finding the leaf & being happy that she treasures it adds to his self-esteem as it tells him that he is worthy to be treasured. I love machi’s indecisive responses! It gives her personality! as she is reluctant between denying or telling the truth. She was never in such situation, so she doesn’t know what to do!! blushing red like her leaf, machi didn’t only go with friends, she also learned her fave color! yuki, developing the future boyfriend detective sense like kyo, guessed it that machi likes red. You remember things abt ppl you find interesting! Machi felt that perhaps to yuki she is not dull, but interesting enough to want to learn things abt her!

-Tohru is a grown woman!!!

trust me to take 5sec interaction that involves my girl & write a deep analytic paragraph! Call it building sandcastles out of nothing but I don’t care! XD. tohru deserves some spotlight! I’m a bit disappointed that the scene is shown form a far to include yuki & shiggure..(WHY???. They can have their moment later! let my girl have a screenshot for a change!!) & the art quality is the lowest in the ep, lol & but whatever~~~ let’s focus on the positive side! my tohru bought sth for herself!! tohru who spent her hard earned money on buying candy ingredients for the filthy rich sohma’s instead of paying her tuition fees?!! tohru who wore a worn out swimsuit for school & didn’t see the value in buying new one ?! tohru whose school bag have seen better days as hiro said?!! tohru bough herself a scarf with pompom!!& she’s PROUD!! & she goes & shows kyo!!!! cuz she loves him & cuz in SE01 he was mad she doesn't buy herself stuff & cuz she knows he’ll be proud of her & cuz she want show off her cuteness & get his attention & cuz she wanna tease him!! Did you see my girl deliberately hit him with the pompom??? my girl is feisty!! She teases!! Tohru has this feisty, forward personality that she hides but peeks in certain instances!! Like when she teased kyo that he’s still scared of the stain on the wall..like when she calls him cute later this ep!! I’m so happy for every tiny teeny moment of tohru where she is herself & not the worrying mom or friend, when she is focused abt what she shows & what she wants & right now she wants kyo to notice her! GIRL HE ALREADY DOES! you are killing him already tohru..he’d be dead by now if he wasn’t a cat with 9 souls! XD.

-Yuki is leaving Akito’s side:

coming to the big moment in this ep. Akito is loosing yuki. Not only yuki decided by himself to attend the banquet that he avoided last year, he also talked to akito & forgave him for everything before. Yuki is letting go of the past. Forgiveness is a cure ppl! it’s the hardest achieved cure. it cuts the ties to negativity & free the person from the painful feelings. Akito knows she’ll be loosing a zodiac member soon! she reacts the same way she did with hatori! violently resisting change, violently making a statement that I’m the ruler of you. However, unlike when it was hatori, no one came to her. Kureno stopped her. but the rest went to yuki, to the rebel, to the one who caused her pain & rage. Akito is not only loosing yuki...she is slowly loosing all of them.

- Yuki continues the next step in his growth & frees hatori from his sins. By allowing himself to accept that he is not a helpless victim, yuki was able to see the others plain as well. Before, in his mind, he was the only one suffering, others are cruel, but now, he sees the criminal who erased his friends memories was also suffering all along. Perhaps yuki thinks that akito is suffering too? That’s why chose to forgive her & tell her that I don’t hate you anymore or hold grudge.

Side Notes:

I’m so glad kakeru had so little to do with machi & yuki interaction here. He is a character that demands spotlight & if his role was bigger, machi would disappear, it will be another yuki/kakeru moment. Also, since machi/kakeru parallel aya/yuki, you bet kakeru will be more involved between them in order to get closer to his sister & fix the gap like aya did, so I appreciate the moment of only yuki/machi now as it is unique moment without any parallels involved.

After learning of Shigure’s correct line, I can now see how things would’ve been better for akito, if she learned from yuki’s rebellion. loosing one is less painful than loosing them all, which she will. Shigure was eager for her to be spared the pain. or he might be eager for sth else entirely! but he wants this to end.

Shigure sure wasn’t himself this ep! he was restless & his jokes were all over the place, he nearly caused a misunderstanding between hatori & Mayko. I think shigure is hearing the curse breaking!!!!!

Rin & kyo!!!! I never knew I needed this!!! like last ep, I was celebrating hana & kyo, & the return of kyo & haru!! but rin & kyo is unique duo since it is not a teasing dynamics! it is a we-are-too-similar dynamics! XD

Kazuma is luv!! ugh!! my heart! what a man!! so caring & kind & ever so gentle! look at him going to rin to invite her! no kid should be alone in new years! look at him teasing his son!! look at him out polite tohru! just look at him!!!

I appreciate that the boys (kyo,yuki.haru,momiji) have different body types from each other. however, since kyo’s body changing is mentioned in the story many times, they focused on showing him growing since the 2nd ep of season 2 & more so in the beach arc & they steadily continued ever since!!! this ep, even with the low quality they showed his Adam’s apple & he is taller next to shishio. Also his baggy clothes help defy the lanky art style. With yuki, since his beauty is mentioned in the story, they’ve been focused on his face, giving him HD quality beauty all the time, but not much when it comes to his body. but today, he looked a lil bit older in machi’s scene? I duno if it is the new clothes or they’re finally allowing his body to grow?! I hope so. They are still making him so lanky as his legs were only a bit meatier than machi’s in the fight scene, but hey lankiness is the show’s art style, just look at hatori </3. They focused on making Momiji baby as it is mentioned in the story that he doesn’t look like a highschooler at all, but I swear he looks a bit older this ep!! right???

Speaking of hatori, hello there~ doc~ I never knew I needed hatori in Japanese clothes this much! It hid the lankiness & gave him the adult manly look he deserves!! so hot!!! I heard his grunt in my heart as he took his clothes off! XD. Soyou’re attached to the school sensie now~~ a lit bit worried your filthy buddy is putting hands on her..huh? oh!, if only you knew that your goofy pal is the master mind behind your new love story! I think he knows tho~

I never expected machi to be that cute!!! machi/yuki is so cute!

Rin sleeps sitting...like a horse? rin didn’t feel haru? i thought horses are as jumpy as cats! lol

Tohru & kyo are having quality flirting time with no interference from either shigure or yuki. lol.. shishio is amazing! XD

Kureno has the DVD now..let the war begins!!!

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #SE02 #hungry paper

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pinkykitten · 4 years

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Forest pt. 1

Castlevania

Alucard Tepes x female! reader

Warning: cursing, violence, gore, mentions of blood

Specifics: chapter fic, romance, angst, fluff, not requested, action, adventure, race neutral reader, human reader

People: alucard tepes, monster thingy from the show

Words: 3,338

Summary: Since Alucard lives in the forest now in Dracula’s castle he meets the reader in the forest and in that moment he starts to have a liking towards her and is very bashful, blushy and romantic towards her and she is a goofball and is very silly and lighthearted. From the moment that they met all Alucard wants to do is protect the reader no matter what is takes.

Authors Note: god alucard is so sexy and so beautiful like god dang! lol sorry im a bit of a horny nerd. anywho its rlly late where im at andddddd i cant go to sleep cuz i slept the whole day so ayyyee. anywho i was inspired idk where but i was inspired to write this bc i think alucard deserves love and someone who adores him like i do. i loved writing this tho and rlly want to write for castlevania more but this is going to be chapters idk how many yet lets just see where the wind takes us i hate planning anyways. IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS THO I AINT EVEN MAD ABOUT IT!!!!! LIKE YASSSSSSSSSS

“Alright so its been almost a month and I haven’t died. That must mean I’m doing something right.” You used a piece of wood you made into a cane to help you get up the steep hills. You were voyaging alone in the forest. You had a family that were settled more outside the town that you lived near. You were a large family and your siblings came down with a sickness. You were determined to find a cure and determined to find medicine for them. As scary as it may have seemed you needed to put on a brave face for the dangers that lay out ahead. You knew those monsters walked around and as much as that terrified you, your siblings came first. At a young age, adventure excited you and you always wanted to prove to yourself and family that you were more than capable of doing things alone.

You saw a river down below. The water rushing past rocks made you relaxed and with a glint in your eyes you smiled. “Aha!” You looked left and right, seeing if anyone was present. “Alone with just the woods and me. I knew mother was wrong. I can very much so take care of myself.” You threw your satchel on the floor alongside with your clothes. “I smell like a pig.” You chuckled at your joke. The cool, clear water was down below as you ran to it, looking forward to the coldness and the feeling of being clean. You jumped in not knowing someone was near.

You dunked your face laughing. “And there’s fish!” You swam behind a light blue fish. Being at awe when you saw the way the fins shone from the sun. You picked it up skillfully and carefully you set it free. Your body delicately floated. “This is the life.” Birds chirped, the wind blew like a whisper against your cheek.

But suddenly, the rustle of the trees alarmed you. You heard the snapping of a twig. Your head snapped to the noise. Fear bubbled inside you as you thought of all the possibilities. What if it was a bear? What if it were those monsters? Your heart sped fast as you backed out of the river. Your breathing was faster. You needed to get out of here. As you got out your back hit against fur. You quickly turned around as saw a huge demon, monster, you didn’t even know what but you knew it was from Dracula’s army. Its teeth were sharp and its eyes were bright and red. It was your worst nightmare. You erupted a scream as you sprinted around it, climbing the hill to where your satchel laid.

“Oh my God! Oh my God! I’m gonna die!” You didn’t care about your nudeness, all that mattered to you was surviving. You tried to go as fast as possible but the creature landed in front of you, stopping you from escaping. It cornered you against a huge boulder and tree. With everything you had you lifted your cane high in the air and hit the monster. It didn’t even flinch.

“What?” Your eyes widened in horror. The creature picked you up as if you weighed nothing and threw you against a tree. You cried out in pain as your back burned and ached to an extreme level. You then noticed that a tree branch stabbed right through your shoulder. The blood dripped down your arm onto your naked skin. You felt queasy and weak. Thoughts and last words echoed through your mind. The monster was about to devour you but a flash of blonde hair came into your vision and you saw, him.

This young man was nothing you’ve ever seen before. He was stronger than the average person, throwing the monster back and forth. He punched it high in the air and then threw it against the boulder. He was incredible. Full of power. Your eyes were starting to close and your vision grew blurry as the last thing you saw were the fangs that the man displayed.

“Mother I had this terrible dream!” Your whole body shot up. That was a terrible decision as you winced in pain. “It was not a dream.” You breathed hard as you took in your surroundings. The fire was lit making the room comfortable as you were once shivering from being wet. It looked as if you were in the kitchen of somebody's house. “Hello?” Your throat was dry. You were in a stranger’s house. You were in a stranger’s house! “Oh dear.” You were put high onto a table. You jumped off but were still too weak. You landed hard on your knees but caught yourself with your arms. Your shoulder pounding in pain. You became dizzy. You heard footsteps nearing. “Who are you?” You tried to stand up again but slipped into the arms of a man.

“Hold on. You are still not well.” His voice came out almost like a whisper. He picked you up and sat you back on the table. “Also, I’m the man who saved your life.”

“That was you? That was, um, pretty amazing.” You curled into yourself. You were nervous around this man. He intimidated you and made you feel shy. He was very handsome and charming. “You kicked that things as* real good.”

The man chuckled, “thank you.”

You quickly looked at your nightgown. It was too big for you as the sleeves ate your arms and the collar was off the shoulders. Your eyes shot open. You were bashful. “Did you, um, see anything?”

He looked away, “I kinda had to. Sorry. You were naked when I saved you.”

“Great. That’s great,” you inhaled clapping your hands. Suddenly you sensed a throbbing pain on your shoulder and you looked to see a blood stain on the nightgown. “Um excuse me sir. Is that supposed to happen?”

The man looked worried as he laid you back down and pulled the nightgown down enough to see your shoulder. “It does not look good. It seems with that jump you reopened the stitches.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. God, this really hurts.”

He got to work on doing your stitches again as he got his items. “Bite down on this.” He opened his mouth to show the action and you saw his teeth.

“Agh please don’t eat me! You’re a vampire aren’t you?” You flinched away.

The man rolled his eyes as he shoved the cloth in your mouth but before he got started on you he said, “You are right. I am a vampire.”

You spat the cloth out, “I knew it. I also would like to know your name as this may be my last moment and I would like to remember who will either save me or take my life. My name is y/n l/n.”

“The names Alucard Tepes and this is going to sting a little.” With that Alucard poured some alcohol on your wounds. (im sorry i dont know how helping ppl w medical stuff works :(

You shifted and tried pouncing up, fighting the urge to let out a blood curdling scream. But Alucard pushed you down with his hands, shushing you gently. “I know, this hurts.” You could almost sense some love and actual concern in his voice. His brows knitted, “I promise, you are almost finished.”

You looked deep into Alucard’s eyes. They were the most beautiful eyes you have ever seen. This man or vampire looked unreal. He looked made up, something from stories you read as a child, like a prince. You felt something go off within you. Not knowing if it was lust or something else but a fire erupted inside your soul as Alucard’s face inched closer to yours to get to work on your shoulder. His smell was intoxicating. Almost like a musk but yet something floral, fresh, mixed in. Your heart thumped faster at the contact.

His plump lips quivered as they looked at your state. No way did he want this innocent soul as beautiful as you looked dying on his table. He already had to deal with a lot recently. He didn’t know why or understand but he had this inclination, this feeling, that he needed to keep you alive. He just had to.

Unable to keep the scream at bay no more you let it out. Your veins protruding from your neck as you became dizzy and once again passed out.

Your eyes opened. Your body was aching. It felt like it went through war. You inhaled as you looked around again, but this time you were hoping things were not a dream as then Alucard would be fake. Remembering his name your head whipped to the side to see Alucard holding a wash cloth stained with blood. He was sound asleep. His head resting against his arm against the table. All the medical stuff was out and about as if he were still working on you. His back was arched at a odd position.

“He must of fallen asleep while working on me,” you whispered to yourself. His hair sprayed out on his shoulders and table. Without a second thought you touched his hair lightly and you were shocked. It felt like silk upon your fingers! His golden eye lashes kissed his cheek as he snoozed so peacefully. You felt bad leaving him to worry for you and to be sleeping in an uncomfortable place. You felt you weren’t that deserving of such treatment.

You kicked your feet out and hopped off the table. Your feet pattered against the hard floor as you walked to Alucard. You snatched him a blanket you saw nearby and draped it over his tall, lean body. You smiled seeing how elegant and graceful he looked sleeping.

You yawned, scratching your head as you looked upon the window and noticed it was raining. Surprisingly in this vampire but also a stranger’s house the rain seemed cozy and it made you feel at peace. It was dark in his house. The trees shook from the tiny wind and rain.

“I must leave but I should thank Alucard for helping me with my wound last night. I probably wouldn’t have last without him.” Your mind wondered back to what happened at the river. Yes, Dracula was gone according to what the towns people said but why was his army still about, his monsters? It didn’t make sense to you. But what did you know? You were just a weak human living in a mysterious world you didn’t want any part of.

You pulled out a chair and got to writing a thank you letter to Alucard, pulling out a pen, ink and a piece of paper.

“Dear Alucard. No, too direct. How about, to a savior? Too high and mighty.” Finally you had written your letter but it sounded very awkward and you were too much of a p*ssy to give it to Alucard. “Ugh this is hopeless.” You crumpled up the paper, throwing it on the floor by the garbage.

You thought and thought and thought until an idea popped in your mind. “I know,” you snapped. “I’ll make him breakfast. My mother always says a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” You crossed your fingers, “lets just hope this man likes human food instead of hearts and blood.” You gulped.

You rolled your sleeves up, washed your hands and brought out the pots and pans and butter. “I’m going to make toast, eggs, bacon, beans and mushrooms.”

You spiced up the food and placed them in a skillet. The sizzle satisfying your ears. The sun started to peak through the clouds as the aroma wafted through the house. You grinned, loving to cook and make a person happy with your hard work. “I hope he likes this.” You were almost finished when Alucard coughed behind you.

You jumped, being in the zone. “Oh hi there,” you waved awkwardly. “My apologies if I woke you.”

“Uh, no I woke myself up,” his rough voice made your knees weak as it was still laced with sleep. He stretched, cracking some knuckles, yawning as well. “What I would like to know is what are you doing?”

“Well,” you started setting up the table cutely. “I wanted to say thanks for helping me back there. I was kind of a p*ssy to be honest and like a wuss so this is just a little thanks for all the help.”

Alucard didn’t know what to say so instead he just smiled.

“Please, sit, sit, sit,” you pointed to the seats. “Breakfast is almost ready.”

Alucard awkwardly sat. Not ever having this type of service. He looked at you as you were preparing the finishing steps of your dish. The sun cascaded around you and you were illuminated like a goddess. You were breathtaking. Alucard blushed madly. You put everything on the table. Seeing Alucard’s expression you laughed, “are you alright?”

Alucard coughed, “yes, thank you for all of this. You really didn’t need to. It all looks beautiful.” He looked at the presentation.

You took the seat beside Alucard. You could of sat anywhere else but you sat beside him. He almost couldn’t hear what you were about to say in that moment from how hard his heart was beating.

“No need to thank me. I think we’ve done enough thanking and now its time to dig in.” You patted his hand.

Alucard just looked at the food and he almost felt tears at his eyes. Nobody ever cared for him like this.

“Is it okay? If its not to your liking I totally get it. You don’t have to eat it. I don’t even know if you like this stuff. I mean who knows maybe you only eat flowers and here I am serving you bacon and eggs.” You became flustered.

“No, no, no this is lovely its just,” he choked back a cry. “Nobody has ever done anything like this for me, ever.”

You clutched onto his hand and gave him a beautiful smile. “Then that just means you have to eat double. As much and maybe more than what your stomach can hold.” You giggled.

Alucard blushed again as he started to eat quickly. Enjoying every moment of your company and food. “The beans are delicious.”

“Well I’m glad you liked them. Its my mum’s recipe, she always makes them like this.” You then recalled why you came on this journey in the first place. “My satchel!”

“Don’t worry, its safe.”

You raised your brow, “did you take a look?”

Alucard paused, “no, I would never.” He took a bite out of his bread. Chewing on the piece silently. “Maybe just a tiny peek.”

You pouted, “Nosy. I should of locked it.”

“Why do you have all those books in your bag anyways?” Alucard crossed his legs as he took a sip of his coffee. His light orbs staring intently at you.

Seeing the rain start to become tiny droplets of rain you thought about your family and how you missed them. This was all for them. “My siblings you see are very ill,” your hand shook with anxiety. “My village is very poor and we are limited in resources, especially medicine. We’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work. They just seem to be getting worse. I’ve been researching and trying to find an answer and supposedly, I read that there is a certain flower that only grows in a specific area that may cure the illness. In the books there is a map and that’s why I was led to that river well more like I wanted to take a bath and that’s what led me to the river. But I’ve been on this trail for a while. I’m just, scared because it all depends on me. If I can’t find this flower, if I can’t find a cure and my family dies it will be my fault. I would have killed them.” You didn’t even realize it but you were crying.

Alucard saw you were distressed and held onto your hand. He comforted you through your anxiety. Your teary eyes looked into his and he gave you a toothy smile, “I’ll help you find it.”

“What?” You rubbed your eyes.

“I know the place you need to go. I can guide you there. Besides the outside world is very dangerous for a beautiful girl such as yourself. I can see that this means a lot to you and I want to help.”

You dropped your fork and got out of your chair. “You mean it? You aren’t joking?”

Alucard chuckled, “I promise I am speaking truth.” Alucard flung his hand out to you.

You quickly shook on it and shouted with enthusiasm, “deal!” You jumped up and down laughing as you hugged Alucard. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. Can we please leave immediately then?”

“We can leave today.”

You danced, “yes. I’ll go change and get my things.” You brought the empty dishes to clean them as Alucard stood up with a smile on his face.

You were something else, something different. A breath of fresh air in his depressing life. Maybe you were meant to be here. Maybe you were a sign. Either way Alucard thought that these couple of days were to be very exciting. Alucard was about to get ready when a piece of paper in the corner caught his eyes. It was crumbled. “Hmmm, what is this?” He bent down to pick it up and read the words. With just the first word to the letter his smile grew bigger and bigger.

Alucard coughed as he raised the letter you wrote to him earlier but discarded high in the air, “Dear Alucard, to my savior. I would love for you to know that I am extremely appreciative for what you have done for me in saving my life-”

Your eyes almost popped out of your head. That letter was not supposed to be read by him especially. It was embarrassing. You dropped a plate in the sink and felt your whole world collapse. You wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

“When I first saw you I thought you were a prince-” Alucard kept going until you couldn’t take it any longer.

You sprinted and tried grabbing the letter out of his hand. “Alucard, give that to me. Now.”

“Oh you want this letter?” Alucard smirked. “You do sound like an obnoxious romantic whore.”

You gasped, “I do not! That was supposed to be my thank you letter and I didn’t like it and you weren’t supposed to read it. So give it back!” You jumped for it but Alucard raised it high in the air. “Alucard, give it to me.”

Alucard’s face came closer to yours as he pinned you against the table. “Why don’t you come and get it?”

You practically climbed him, snatching the letter out of his hand. “Aha!” But Alucard’s footing was off and he and you fell with a thud.

The birds chirped lightly as Alucard laid under you and you fell on top of him, your arm bracing for the impact. Alucard held in his breath with a red blush as he looked at you so extremely close. You both held that position for what felt like forever. You eyes were wide in horror at the compromising position.

You quickly stood up and were flustered. Forgetting where everything was. “Um, um, um. I’m going to go put my trip on so we can get ready for the clothes.” You quickly ran away.

Alucard breathed quickly as he brushed back his long hair whispering the words. “My savior.” He noticed you were in such a panic mode that you forgot about your letter. It was left and Alucard was not going to leave or throw away evidence that someone saw him in such a good light. He loved that letter because it was from you.

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autisticstarseed · 4 years

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👐 Hand washing guide when you have sensory issues 👐

tbh. we shouldve been talking abt this a long time ago for many disabled ppls sake but ive put this post off for like a million years out of pure solidified fear of ableist harassment/kneejerk ignorance and also generalized cringe idiots but now that we got so much covid-19 fear and autistic ppl actually tend to have weaker immune systems than most people lets jump the shark;;;

i have autism and i physically struggle with washing my hands as often as i want to, having wet hands, drying them, the temperature difference, bad soap smells/textures, etc. are all genuinely painful. the good news is that ive dealt with water aversion shit since birth (its a common sensory issue), so ive had time to figure out alternatives and coping skills that still help reduce risk of disease and spreading it in ways that i can personally manage. (ie. not lazy or selfish or gross. genuinely putting more effort into this every day task than most other people would even think about. just disability lads) so heres the guide i have to offer if you’re in a similar boat, with some keypoints about hand hygiene and tips addressing the most common sensory struggles ive noticed with it;;;

1. hand sanitizer

i love hand sanitizer, i can get it in almost any scent i want and it dries down very very fast. the problem is; hand washing and hand sanitizer do different things. it only kills certain types of germs. which is all fine and dandy, but because of this, using only hand sanitizer wont actually keep you from catching or spreading many illnesses. so what its good for is times you cant wash your hands (out in public, sensory overload, no spoons, etc), thats fine, but it should not replace all hand washing if at all possible. it is supposedly effective to covid-19, but so little is currently known that it should not be considered your go to for this, and the only unanimous statement straight from the CDC is that hand washing works best at preventing its spread.

temperature - if you have trouble with it being too cold, conveniently keeping it in your pocket or closely against your body in some way warms it up and makes it much more comfortable.

scent - they come in almost any scent you can imagine, but if you have trouble with strong scents, there are ‘scentless hand sanitizers’. they usually have a faint chemical smell, so if there are any testers available, you should check to make sure it can work for you before you buy it.

texture - if gel doesnt cut it, they also make foamy hand sanitizers and liquid sprays, but theyre harder to find and might be a little more pricey.

and remember; always buy hand sanitizer that says it contains AT LEAST 60% alcohol, the higher alcohol content the better, but try to keep track of how high it is and how much you apply it so you dont dry your skin out. and right now price gouging is pretty bad, so dont be surprised if you cant find any for a while, and dont buy any small bottle that costs over a couple dollars, its a rip off.

2. hand washing

so what does hand washing do thats better than sanitizer??? soap and water lift up the dirt and oils that are carrying the germs and actually wash them off, and not only that, it also gets rid of all the things sanitizer cant, such as dust/dirt, spores, chemicals, and the previously mentioned viruses that are harder to kill. ik to an outside perspective it might not seem that hard, but obviously when you have autism and these tasks are split down into bigger ordeals and sensory nightmares, it can feel impossible.

soap - there are so many different kinds of soap! scentless soaps exist, and they very rarely have any lingering chemical smell! theres also soap for sensitive skin, and baby soap also works well for that issue. bar soaps can come in all different shapes and sizes, with many different ingredients and additives to choose from (independent soap makers are an amazing source for customized soap btw), and liquid soaps can be pure gel, frothy, mousse-y or even have tiny exfoliating or moisturizing beads in them if thats a sensory experience you enjoy. this is my number one rec for people struggling with hand washing bc of sensory issues;;; mix up the soap. finding one that gives you an okay or even a GOOD sensory experience can completely turn around an otherwise meltdown inducing task

temperature - this is the one thats always been hardest for me. cold water straight up hurts me, and our plumbing is Terrible, so the trick i have for slow pipes is to run the hot water on high as Soon as i get into the bathroom. leave it going and by the time you’re done there should be at least lukewarm water. if this still takes too long for you, try out the various sinks in your house, usually one is able to get hot water faster than the rest (for me its the kitchen sink) and that can become a designated station for you if need be.

texture - some ppl just hate water. if thats the case, it rly doesnt change much abt the process if you use less water, ie work the soap into a lather, and then only use as much as you need to rinse it off. you dont have to keep your hands under the whole time, the soap clings to the dirt, the water takes it off all together, as long as you scrub well and rinse till you see no suds, you’re good

If it really comes down to it, a washcloth with water+soap, a disinfecting wipe, or even literally just a rinse with plain ol water is better than nothing, but the stream of water and act of rubbing the soap in is the most effective combo against disease. soap/disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizers are your second best option. if theres a time in your life where an issue is so disabling for you that you truly cant keep any of this up, rly the most important thing is to limit your direct physical contact with your face and commonly used objects as MUCH as possible until you can figure smth out. (you kno those old ladies that grab a wipe and open the doorknob with it between their hand and the knob? become that old lady) and if push comes to shove, if a safe and accepting therapy setting is something accessible to you, hygiene struggles are actually something many mental health professionals understand Very well and can help you cope with personally and directly, without shame.

3. hand drying

this is also. my personal hell. and what most people say is the hardest part of the sensory experience. but ya cant just walk around with wet hands right

towels - the obvious choice for most, but to me they actually dont dry enough. i always end up damp and with lint stuck to me. this kills the man. but hand towels do have some variety to them, you can find em with really long fibers or really short/flat, really fuzzy or really stiff, etc. sounds silly but its smth a lot of ppl dont think about that can change a lot. you can also try super absorbent towels (yes like a shamwow), and again baby bath towels are also an option if you want something gentle.

paper towels - yeah a little more wasteful and expensive, but imo much more absorbent. theyre also pretty thin so you can get between your fingers (MY BANE), and under your nails if you use a corner. 10/10

blow drying - ik this is the kind of shit you only see in like movie theaters and malls and they are definitely LOUD AS SHIT, but if you happen to have the money, and struggle more with Textures than Noise, ie a stream of warm air seems worth the sound, you Can actually find a small basic one of these items for your own home.

4. public restrooms

everybody hates em!!! but you can make em more tolerable;;;

soap - bring your own! little travel soaps you can keep in your bag are a godsend for ppl with sensory issues, sensitive skin/allergies, and if you just prefer not sharing soap.

temperature - most public places i notice actually do get hot water pretty fast (like,,, too fast,,, like,,, it bur ns me) so if there are no faucets and its too hot or too cold, once again you can try different sinks and one might be more comfortable. if there are faucets i recommend grabbing a paper towel to turn it off, so you dont have to touch it again with your clean hands.

sound - WHY R AUTOMTIC FLUSH TOILETS SO FUCKEN LOUDD..... honestly if you have noise cancelling earmuffs or earplugs or w/e pop em in. if you dont have any of that i just literally plug my ears with my fingers when i stand up. if you struggle with the sound of the blow dryers, they almost always have paper towels as well, but its a great idea to carry something like that around in your bag with you just in case. if its really packed and people chattering is getting to you, sometimes the ‘family’ bathrooms are actually smaller and less full. if its bad enough and you feel comfortable asking, an employee might be able to direct you to a single stall bathroom or at least a different one than that.

and though its convenient, try not to use your sleeve to touch things like doorknobs, toilet handles, etc. instead use something disposable like a paper towel or wipe, bc the germs will simply transfer to your sleeve and still risk infecting you.

5. schedule

the number one suggestion is to wash your hands literally as often as possible during a time like this but like. even for allistic/nt/abled/ ppl thats just not always an attainable schedule so the Best times to wash your hands are;;;

after using the bathroom - the most important time and generally the easiest to get used to. its smth you have to do multiple times a day that already has a schedule, and if you were to forget or go into sensory overload its usually immediately accessible as soon as you can. as i mentioned earlier, if you need help remembering, you can turn the water on when you first get in and leave it going.

the doctors - ANY KIND of health facility should be avoided right now unless really necessary, places where sick people would frequent is the quickest way to get sick but like. ya rly cant help it sometimes right. you cant stop dealing with your own illnesses just bc theres another one floating around. so, this is time to go apeshit on the handwashing. if your health issue involves coughing and sneezing, ask for a face mask. bring a scarf in case they dont have any, its not as great but better than nothing. otherwise, you honestly dont need it, face masks are more for these people bc they keep germs in better than out. whether you’re worried abt getting sick or infecting others, this is a time to use hand sanitizer, avoid physical contact like shaking hands [autistic cheering], and when you first arrive and right before you go to leave are the most important times to remember to wash your hands.

preparing food - not as commonly spoken about, but also easy to work into a schedule. i personally dont care unless its food for somebody else or if im going to be putting my hands on it a lot, but if thats the case, a lot of the time thats produce you already want to wash in the sink, so you can kill two birds with one stone there. dont just get the germs off your own hands, get em off the fruits and veggies before you eat em. carpool

after grocery shopping - not very common. most ppl just slap some sanitizer/a wipe on there or dont think abt it at all, but if you just got home from walmart thats a great time to wash. you just touched a bunch of items other people touched, including the cart, money/credit cards, and all the products people will pick up and put back, so its prime germ time babey. But again, sanitizer or a wipe will help if its all you can manage after a trip out like that.

before self care - also uncommon. ppl always say ‘dont touch your face’ and ‘apply this product with clean hands’, and what they mean is that one of the fastest ways germs get into your system is through your mouth, nose, eyes and ears. if you’re simply washing your face theres not as much concern, but applying a mask, moisturizer, makeup, etc. should all be done after a gentle rinse of your hands (and face). very hard to get into the schedule of, but if you consider it a Part of your ‘self care’ or use a special fun cleanser, it can stick a little easier.

6. stim items

STIM ITEMS!! if you have stim items, its a good idea to clean them regularly, but even moreso during an outbreak like this.

rubber/plastic - if it goes in your mouth, hot water (not hot enough to melt!) and dish soap, if it doesnt, look up how to safely make a diluted bleach solution.

silicone - silicone is usually dish washer safe.

fabric - if its light, add bleach to the washing machine, if its colored, you can use white vinegar or hydrogen peroxide which are less likely to discolor any dyes. lysol detergent is also super great. small items you’re worried about losing, or items with details/loose parts, you can usually wash inside of a sealed pillow case.

‘squishies’ - for ‘mochi’ squishies aka the rubbery ones, soap and water + some dusted baby powder or corn starch (optional) to keep it from grabbing lint for a while. for foam squishies, they can rarely be deep cleaned without the risk of growing mold or taking paint off, but a disinfecting wipe every now and then should keep it clean for a while.

slime - cant be disinfected, sorry. also a breeding ground for mold if you arent careful, so its always best to cycle through these quickly.

technology - cant really be completely sterilized, but there are many places to get sprays and cleaning wipes for the devices you use that can at least keep the areas your hands frequently touch a little cleaner.

BUT of course if your item comes with instructions on how to wash it, always follow that instead. this is just a general idea.

and as a final note;;; disabled ppl should not feel guilty or dirty for struggling with this. like. man idc abt ur cringe feels or your ignorant blame or your lack of understanding/sympathy for what goes into these tasks for us. if u dont wanna get our struggles and sensitivities when we’re working twice as hard on functioning tasks which personal ease you take for granted, thats on you. @ disabled people if you struggle with maintaining the same standard of hygiene as nts you arent gross or bad fucking person, you’re disabled and by definition that means your level of functioning will be different, and you deserve sympathy. its just that germs dont discriminate, they wanna cause problems for everybody involved (especially you!!!), so Anything you can manage is Great and if anything from this post can help make it a little easier for people in any way, i feel its absolutely necessary to talk about with respect and dignity. people with autism/adhd/sensory processing disorder/similar neurodivergencies/literally anybody else this could benefit, pls feel free to add on any tips you might have or send me questions. let disabled ppl help disabled ppl do our personal bests

#nt/allistic ppl can totally reblog btw!! just dont clown like thats literally all i ask man cuz tbh #im trying to help ppl form a hygiene habit while my nd struggle was ignored and worsened by ppl being shitty to me so to be blunt ig #im helping people by giving alternatives and coping skills and all ur doing is being ableist and expecting ppl to 100% conform so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#whos really the ...~~~~~ pro recovery~~~~ one. here #hint its me sit down rude ass #long post #im scared to put in nd tags but sjgsjddsj we're JUMPIGN THE SHARK #sensory processing disorder #spd #autism #actuallyautistic #asd #adhd #sensory overload #original

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bastardnev · 4 years

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Cheat Day

in which i inexplicably decided to write a fic about mustafa’s cereal-nutella-oreos breakfast combination

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: World Wrestling Entertainment, Professional Wrestling, All Elite Wrestling Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Mustafa Ali/Pac | Adrian Neville Characters: Mustafa Ali, Pac | Adrian Neville Additional Tags: damn i guess i gotta start tagging aew in my nevstafa fics huh, Fluff, Silly, mischief involving nutella and oreos Series: Part 1 of Jess Has Too Many Fics In Her Notes Summary: Neville wasn’t entirely sure what to make of the scene in his kitchen that morning.

(ao3 link)

i ended up making a new tag list bc its been so long since i last posted a nevstafa fic + i didnt wanna tag ppl who might not be interested anymore -- im going off the likes/replies to the post i made abt this yesterday so if you’re not on the list and you wanna be added lemme know !! i’ll add you 🥰

tag list: @sailor-slam-dunk @residentjoth @riveliciousx @lambchopviking @storyranger

Neville wasn’t entirely sure what to make of the scene in his kitchen that morning.

He had heard Mustafa get out of bed earlier, but he figured he was just going to get breakfast started — it was his turn, after all. Technically, he still was, but not at all in the way that Neville anticipated. Rather than finding him cooking the pancakes they’d agreed upon the night before, Neville instead walked in on him preparing a bowl of cereal in a large serving dish he’d placed on the island. This in itself wouldn’t have been so odd (other than his choice of bowl) if he didn’t follow up his milk pouring with a big search around the kitchen. He was rummaging through the cabinets that lined the walls for... for something. Something that Neville couldn't quite figure out, especially since the only thing he could plausibly be looking for was a spoon. What a can of olives had to do with anything, Neville had absolutely no idea.

And so, he choose to ask him about it. “What the hell are you doing?”

Mustafa glanced over at Neville quickly before putting the can back and going right back to his hunt. “Oh, good morning. Where’s your snack stash?”

Neville blinked, confused. “My what?”

“Your snack stash. Y’know, where you keep the snacks?”

“I— I know what a snack stash is, Mustafa.”

“Then where’s yours? I know you have one — everyone does. Fess up.”

What was he trying to do? The fact that he still hadn't given Neville a clear answer was a bit concerning. “What does it matter where my snacks are? Wait, forget about that, aren’t you supposed to be cooking pancakes?”

"Who said anything about me making pancakes?"

"You did. Just last night."

"Ehh, that was just pillow talk."

"You told me about how badly you were craving them when we were eating dinner." Why would they be discussing pancakes during pillow talk, of all things?!

Mustafa scoffed, and he offered no further response other than continuing to push aside the items stacked up on the shelf. "Are you planning on answering my question at all?" Neville crossed his arms. "What are you doing?"

“You'll see!" Mustafa responded when he finally decided to speak again. "I’ve got something even better than pancakes in mind."

Mustafa placing a breakfast food above pancakes was almost enough for Neville to consider the idea that he'd been replaced with an imposter. Almost. “And, that is...?”

“A secret — until you tell me where your snack stash is, of course.”

Neville sighed, rolling his eyes. He knew there was no getting out of this no matter how hard he tried. “Oh for the love of God, it’s the one under the microwave,” he at last confessed.

“The only one I didn’t check!” Mustafa grinned, and he darted over to the appropriate cabinet, digging around excitedly. “Ooh, you’ve got a lot of good stuff in here!”

“No need for the commentary, just take what you need.”

“You’re pretty defensive over your candy, huh?”

“You’ve got the biggest sweet tooth out of anyone I know — how can I not?” Now that he thought about it, seeing as Mustafa now knew where he hid all of his sweets, Neville would probably have to find a new hiding spot once this visit was over...

“Hmm.” Mustafa pouted as he moved a variety pack of mini candy bars aside. “You bought the Oreos I asked for, right?”

“Of course.” Like Neville honestly wasn’t going to do so after Mustafa practically begged him to pick some up when he went on his most recent grocery run.

“You do love me!” The package of cookies in his hands, Mustafa triumphantly brought it over to the island, pulling back the seal.

“Can you tell me what you’re doing now?”

“Patience, Nev! Geez. You can’t rush these things, you know?”

Neville wanted to retort, but the distinctive crunch of Mustafa crushing a fistful of Oreos over the serving dish interrupted him, and all he could do was watch in silent awe (and confusion). Mustafa repeated this process over and over again, unblinking, until he’d gone through one of the sleeves. “There...” He muttered, sealing the pack back up and putting it aside. “Now for the last part...”

Last part? Neville found himself a little afraid to say this out loud. His question received an answer anyway, however, as Mustafa then returned to the cabinet, pulling out the large jar of Nutella that Neville was secretly hoping he wouldn’t notice. (Man goes through jars quicker than I can count.) "Not really much I can work with here..." Mustafa mumbled as he put the lid aside, looking at the jar's contents. "You ate it all on me. Naughty boy."

"I'm... sorry?"

"Better be." Mustafa then went to the silverware drawer and pulled out a big spoon, and before Neville could wrap his mind around what was happening he'd scooped out a healthy amount. "This'll work, though."

"What—"

Neville wasn't able to finish this sentence, as just as he was going to Mustafa let the Nutella drop right on top of his cereal. Neville looked back and forth between the bowl and Mustafa, who appeared to be debating what to do next with his messy spoon. Rather than put it in the sink like Neville assumed he would, however, he shrugged, dipping it into the bowl.

It was right as he was about to put a spoonful of cereal into his mouth that Neville decided to go through with asking his question. "Okay, what the hell?!"

Mustafa paused, spoon hanging in the air. "What?"

"What is this..." Neville gestured towards the bowl, trying to find the right words to describe what he was seeing. "This... concoction?"

"It's... my cheat day breakfast?" Mustafa said this as if it were the most obvious thing ever, like he couldn't understand why Neville so was baffled. "Duh?"

"How did you even come up with this?"

"Easy — I woke up one morning, couldn't decide what I wanted for breakfast, so I just mixed everything I wanted together. It's better than you think it is, really."

Neville pointed to the package of Oreos. "You wanted to eat those for breakfast?"

"You haven't thought about eating cookies for breakfast before? What are you, an amateur?"

"And— And the Nutella, what were you planning on doing with that if you hadn't thought to throw everything together?"

Mustafa didn't respond, instead choosing to avert his gaze. Suspicious, Neville followed up with, "You weren't seriously considering eating it straight from the jar, were you?"

Mustafa made eye contact with Neville again, and neither of them said anything for a solid few seconds. Eventually, though, Mustafa shot Neville a sheepish grin, and the latter brought his hand to his forehead, slowly shaking his head. "Oh, God..." He let out a breath. "All this, yet you still have those abs..."

"I sure do." Mustafa brought the spoon back to the cereal and mixed it up a bit. "Now, maybe instead of pickin' on me you can come give this a try. You might like it."

"I have no use for any of that."

"False — everyone needs this in their lives."

"Not everyone needs something loaded with sugar so early in the morning."

"What are you gonna have instead, then? Egg whites?" Mustafa shuddered at his own suggestion, and he held a spoonful out towards Neville, who leaned away. "You know you want toooo..."

Neville looked at the spoon with a narrowed gaze. He knew damn well that he gave in to Mustafa way too often (something about the look in his eyes, he figured). He'd told himself that he would stop being such a pushover when it came to him, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity for him to stick to his word for once. Mustafa wanted him to try some food combo that he swore was amazing, something that Neville thought was completely ridiculous. He would be lying if he said he found it to be anything but.

...But he would also be lying if he said that he wasn't at least a little curious as to what Mustafa saw in it. Not to mention that he was giving him the dreaded eyes...

Neville said nothing. Instead, he took a few steps closer to Mustafa, allowing him to put the spoon into his mouth. "There we go..." Mustafa took it out a moment later, giving Neville a second to chew and swallow before asking, "It's good, isn't it?"

It was. "It's fucking disgusting."

"Liar, liar..." Mustafa singsonged, and Neville huffed. There was no point in denying it.

"Maybe you're right..."

"Ha! I knew it."

"Why do I always agree to go along with your nonsense..." Neville lamented, and Mustafa chuckled, leaning over to give him a kiss.

"Because you love me," he replied as he pulled away, and Neville struggled to hide the little fond smile that forced its way onto his face.

"...Yes, I do."

#also i think the likes on that post got a bit messed up so if u liked the post but i forgot you then lemme kno !! i'll add u to the List(TM)#mustafa ali #pac #wwe fanfiction #aew fanfiction #is that a tag??? it is now #jess.txt #long post #just in case the read more decides not to work

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p-st · 5 years

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my "unkillable" quirk oc's hero name (villain? just for fun civillian name?) would absolutely be "Casualty"

a lil joke based on their casual view on death and well. death

dunno if theyd be a hero, villain, or civillian! theyre all pretty fun to explore. a vigilante would also be cool but i dont think theyd be a super morally upstanding one. definitely theyd kill a villain to restrain them bc "theyre totally fine! yeah, they're definitely dead, officer, but theyll walk it off in a few hours so it's no big!"

okay actually..thatd be a fun universe 🤔

hold on lemme just. type out loud here

Casualty: The Undying Hero! (or is it the other way around? idk how hero titles work) their wounds heal faster than most and if they “rejuvenate” you (crowdsourced name), one quick nap later you'll be good as new! (bc they also heal faster when out though not as fast as them) they will only "rejuvenate" people who have given their full consent or there is no other option (heros they work with sign contracts that give the okay and for what circumstances)(civillians give spoken consent and can request a full contract at their agency if theyre frequent fliers)

casualty decides case by case what the best course of action would be because, unfortunately, they do come across several suicidal heros and civillians alike that just want to know what its like to die. they have several connections with mental health professionals!

like eraserhead, casualty's quirk doesnt give way to much combat ability (pretty good for defense tho is still hesitant to kill someone. villain or not. some ppl can get addicted to the feeling) they compensate during fights with support tools! this isnt something ive thought about so idk what kind of fighting style theyd gear themselves towards but i think id like something pretty versatile.

also kinda looking for the secret to their death since yeah their own body can kill them but they dont really get sick and, while not immortal, they'll likely outlive everyone of their generation

Casualty: The Killer Villain! (do villains even have titles like this lol?) just THINK of the way torture would go! they can drive right up that edge and when they push a little harder and you come out the otherside unscathed you still arent safe bc youre under their whim! not a big bad with huge showy villainous actions but arguably much worse than those who make headlines.

more of an information broker! theyre the one u go to if u wanna make someone break. also takes "assassination" jobs (the PERFECT person to help you fake your death. deals identities like cards) not much in the way of morals and will give you a quick death fix but mostly to get you off their back (thinks ppl who wanna die are pretty disgusting and they revel entirely in their longlasting life. slow and steady, babey) has people contracted to kill others for them.

definitely looking for someone able to kill them. it's a big daring exciting joke to them! fellow villains will make attempts and theyll critique their effort later. also they make a very good partner for ppl trying to test out how much a new move would hurt (other villains come to these spars and time how long casualty stays down. theres a leader board for the longest time down bc it means their move was incredibly violent)

Casualty: A Name as Feared as it is Revered! (okay this one is just for fun) being able to kill but it not sticking is PERFECT for them in their mind. in this universe they couldnt think of another path being better for them (because of their black and white view of “heros save” and “villains kill” and that their quirk fits neither. not really)

theyve got a hit on them from everyone and it makes their days exciting! they compliment the more creative attempts and will drop by the place of person who killed them and leave a sticky note with a full review lol. as mentioned above, kills as a way to restrain! it's to the point where it's so common that whenever it's mentioned that they were involved w a crime a special crew comes to take care of it (you gotta be trained to compartmentalize seeing so many dead ppl that wake up kicking. it does smthn to ya)

theyll target everyone alike! heros, villains, civillians! it doesn't matter youre all ripe for the pickin! theyve got ins with a wide range of ppl and if they cant deal with them personally theyll follow what they see as the best course of action. some people deserve to be publically demolished by a hero, some deserve the horror of a villain, and some deserve the cold hand of civillian law. theyve got a little (major) god complex and believe they have the right to be the judge jury and executioner (in spirit lol) obviously this mindset isnt well received by the public (coughstainchough) but unfortunately they make good judgement calls and they usually dont get the final say in what happens to someone anyway (unless they kill the person and that person learns their lesson or whatever)

does however have a personal vendetta of reforming systems and being very against the pissing contest that are hero rankings. this occasionally makes their judgement calls biased.

the most consistent things would be:

connections. lots of them and the types of connections depend on what path theyre on. theyre good at talking

outside support in the form of weapons or people to "finish the job"

general belief that their choice is more than likely the right choice

loose morals. comes with the territory of a death based quirk

controversial in any universe (except maybe a bonus one where they claim their quirk is not being able to die and not also not being able to kill? that universe would be steeped in self hate and either a bitter death or a life dedicated to putting a mental health support system in place for people with "villainous" quirks)(actually their quirk would still be controversial bc thats the point lol)

permanent casual view on death. doesnt see the big deal

very hm. unconnected to living? sure theyre just excited to be here! but they have the most solid grasp on the inevitability of death while also not super getting that when someone dies they get to stay dead? theres also the tiniest bit of envy there

probably either never got the death talk or got it very late. no one knows how many kids were at risk while being friends with them while young bc they wouldnt put the effort into saving them from life threatening situations (bc casualty always got back up, why wouldnt anyone else)

(bonus story for above would be that once while they were a kid a friend fell off a tree and hit the ground in front of them and they just walked away to keep playing then they came back later and the friend was still there so they went to either their own parent or the kid's parents and told them "[name] is taking a long time to get back up, i wanna play again." queue the sad ending here im aiming for)

upbeat sometimes in a near manic way. genuinely happy really often and finds joy in the smallest things like a slug in the grass or a wildflower coming out of the sidewalk (life in all kinds of places in all kinds of ways!)(theyre big fans of mushrooms. in death theres life or life gives way to life or whatever. idk it's fake deep. i just think mushrooms are cool and wanna project)

anyway this is like. long as shit lol! is anyone even reading this? i love you if you are. i might try to take this character and bend it to fit some of my own worlds bc wow i think theyre cool BUT if any bnha fans ARE reading this please feel free to include them in fics or stuff if you want! link me if you do id literally fall in love (u can name them what u want, dress them how you want, give them whatever pronouns you want, etc.)(dont claim them ofc but using them is fine!)

(and if you want me to idk... flesh out a character for you? 😳 lol id be very open to that! i love worldbuilding!! you dont have to.. aha... unless..?😳😳)

#bnha posting #death ment #child death ment #<<(it's the nine bullet point if you wanna skip)#this is. so self indulgent of me

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chatchalita · 5 years

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I feels like writing something, since I rarely write things these days and I feels like my English will go down the drain soon, if I’m not writing.

Since I impulsively bought a plane ticket again, it’s time for me to summarize my other two trips I had this year as like a build-up for my upcoming new adventure the Taiwan trip in November.

This first post is about my side trip from business trip...I guess

I don’t know how I usually start my traveling post, I guess I start with a disclaimer that this post is not informative at all, just me writing about my trip for future me to reminisce about it.

It has been 2 years since I last visit Mikawa Anjo, the last time was for internship purpose, (which I happened to not write about the experience :/) I was greeted by the familiar feelings, I missed this place. I finally semi-ly made it back. I worked hard in this company for the past 1 year and I feels like it paid off a little.

This trip was my 6th time in Japan and took 14 days (Aug, 18th- Sep, 1st). Since this is a business trip, I’m able to ride Thai Airways, finally something that not low-cost and I’m able to load my luggage lol. The flight is TG644, I arrived at Japan around 8am, I decided to stop by my hotel for luggage storage, then go on an adventure to Okazaki Castle.

Before Okazaki Castle, I visited about 6 Japanese castles, so I know what I should expected from the castle. And spoiler alert, it was disappointing for me, I don’t know why, maybe because I’m burned out from visiting castle, or maybe because I saw a greater castle? Or maybe because I expected something from the castle that said to be the birthplace of Tokugawa Ieyasu? The Evangelion exhibition saved this castle from a total disappointment, at least there are something interesting.

After the castle I went back to my hotel and then meet up with my boss and some Japanese co-workers for a little nomikai. Alcohol intake, not that much.

The second day, which is Monday, it’s the old atmosphere everybody was as welcoming as ever. I only spent half day there because I had to visit other supplier factory in Gifu, I’m still cursing myself for not taken any photos in my phone (for the location purpose), then that night another nomikai, and this time I drunk so much sake that actually made me drunk and made me worry for tomorrow. I’m not the kind of person to have hangover, so I didn’t worried about that, I was more worry about how much alcohol I will have left in my blood, since Tuesday, I will have to attend welcome party.

Tuesday, another nomikai, thank god my body can handle another round. That day, I was not drunk whatsoever, but I did drink Calpis sawla for at least 5 glasses, and other other things...overall probaby 15-20 glasses of alcohol. Those are nothing to sake I previously drunk on Monday though.

Wednesday, nothing worth mentioning ohh except I walked 2 km for Matsumoto Kiyoshi to get the stuffs ppl asked me to buy for them.

Thursday, yakiniku with my co-workers.

Friday, actually nothing?

So one week has passed, most the weekdays activity either hung out” with my co-workers or went to grocery shopping, my co-workers (in Thailand) asked me to buy kimono for them, and they keep called it yukata. It was a short kimono that you wear with hakama, these people want to wear them as “fashion”, these really culture appropriation *sigh*

Saturday, Saturday, where did I go on Saturday...oh Meiji Mura...again. I actually went there two years ago to dress in Hakama while this year is to see very small fireworks with actual same age people. Because I already went there once, not many pictures were taken

Sunday, the manager in charge of me took me to Iga, MIe to see some ninja. Iga Ueno castle is actually in the list of castle I want to visit. If you talking about Iga ninja, Hattori Hanzo, probably the famous ninja from that “school”?

The ninja demonstration was interesting, idk what I expected, I guess I did low-key expected movie stunts ninjutsu, but it turned out to be just ninja technique.

I do loves Iga Ueno Castle since I could see both the life of ninja and samurai in one place. The ninja village is really fun place and touristy.

So far the day went very well and pretty much free since the manager paid for everything, but my dumbass has to be extra and went to Nishio to see lantern festival (alone). And you know what, the taxi cost 6000 yen round-trip just for the station to the festival ground. And this is what 6000 yen gave me...

It only 8pm and the festival already over. I learned something new every time I went to Japan. Apparently, 8pm is late for the festival. I live in the city, 8pm is still early for me.

Monday, kaiten sushi with the same age people

Tuesday, in the afternoon I went to Toyohashi to see printing factory and the person asked me what is the food that I want to eat but have not eaten yet, and I replied “unagi”, which is something very expensive.

I think this was about 5000 yen for a set. In the evening, he treated me tempura like in actually tempura shop, where the chef actually fried tempura in front of us.

As a nekojita, I was suffering but it was so delicious.

Wednesday, I got stood up by the manager that took care of me 2 years ago. No biggie.

Thursday & Friday, spent my last day in Anjo as lonely as ever. (and spent 2 hours try to figure how to pack everything in my suitcase because of what people asked me to buy)

Saturday, I bought a day tour from Klook to Takayama and Shirakawago, the thing about tour is it convenience and probably cheaper than finding the transportation myself, but the downfall always, the time. There are not enough time!! I guess that is something I have to accept when it a day trip. In the bus, I was the only non-Chinese speaking person there.

Takayama...I was eating, so I didn’t had much time to explore, but you know what I feels like if you went to Kyoto, you don’t need to go to Takayama. It has it own charmed, I just didn’t had enough time to enjoy its charm.

The raw beef is the best out of the 3, this Hida beef made visiting Takayama worth it.

Next stop, Shirakawago, the highlight of the trip. The sunlight and everything made the pictures look colorful and amazing. The photos taken there was one of my favorite set of photos of all my trips.

Shirakawago, a place I would loved to visit again during winter and spent more time there. Due to the lack of time, I can only take pictures of here and there instead of absorb myself. I wanted to visit more museum, more historical stuff, but the time is limited :/

After the day tour, I went to Hikone and stay at the hotel there.

Sunday, the last day let’s make it count. I first planned to go see Tonbokiri in western shiga (which I forgot the name of the place), but because it was so far away and I don’t want to wake up early and my main goal was HIkone castle. I ended up with visited Nagahama Castle in the morning. That Sunday probably the day I cursed google map the most because the train schedule in there just not right! I didn’t missed the train, but like the map told me it departs at 9, I arrived at 8:50, the trained in the google map is the train that not stop in this station like what’s going on. And that happened a lot that day, I probably spent like almost 2 hour in (different) train station because the time in google map was earlier than the actual train.

Anyway, back to Nagahama castle, a castle built by Totoyomi Hideyoshi

In my opinion, definitely better than Okazaki, the overall atmosphere made it “feels” more significant than Okazaki castle. The view from the tenshuu is very pretty, in which you can actually see Biwa lake.

I just loves this kind of scenery.

After Nagahama, I went to Omi-Hachiman for some unknown reason. I’m like that awkward person that wouldn’t push the stop button because nobody seem to get off at this stop, and just kept riding the bus until many ppl get off. I mean they are Japanese people, they know what’s good right? Turned out, the popular spot Japanese people are going is like a “dessert park” called La Collina, I called it dessert park because they mainly sell dessert there, and “park” because they have large greenery area.

Their most famous dessert is Baumkuchen, I personally not that big fan of it, so I bought the small size along with macaron.

Then, I followed google map to Omihachiman canal area to find the bus to get back to the station.

The canal area is what I intended to go.

I’m glad I was awkward and decided to follow Japanese people because I got have variety of scenic photos.

Next stop, the highlight of this trip Hikone Castle, 1 of the 12 original castles yayyy.

I love Japanese garden, so first visited the garden in the castle area and just like other garden I visited (except Kokura Castle garden), i was not disappointed.

The Hikone Castle, I loved the castle that I have to work my way to see the tenshu. I love climbing, just to see castle.

The view from the tenshu also amazing.

After HIkone, I went back to Nagoya to see my same age co-workers? friends? comrades? again for the last time, and we ate “Taiwanese Ramen” which just spicy ramen

And then I got back at the airport, which seem very empty at night.

Good bye, Aichi. I hope they will send me there for business trip again next year.

If you read this far, stay tuned for another Japan trip, which is like 2 weeks later from this Japan trip.

#just chatchalita traveling #chatchalita in aichi round 2

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chocoberry-dream · 5 years

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So, here are my thoughts on this whole thing. (It’s long and a lil unorganized but it be like that sometimes lmao 🤷🏾‍♀️ also I’m on mobile so can’t figure out how to do the read more option for whatever reason =/)

To give some insight to all this, I started believing kaisoo was real on April 1st 2016, the day kxk was announced. I had only been officially stanning Ek sew since cmb but knew of them since overdose era. Ks and ji have consistently been my biases. I was here all throughout the kxk era and even predicted that they would soon break up in this post. So even though I’m a little bit taken aback and somewhat wasn’t expecting this, this ain’t my first rodeo.

Although in this situation I feel like this scandal is mainly being done to cover J*nnie (I also share this viewpoint with others such as @soofection and @kaisoounderground, correct me if I’m mistaken lol) what I think bothers me the most about how this is Ji’s second time in a dating scandal is the perceptions that people have of him regarding his persona and who he really is.

Keep in mind that what I’m about to say is my own perception of things, everyone has their own way of looking at shyt but at the end of the day I don’t personally know ji so I’m not claiming anything as fact. It’s all based on what I’ve observed about him throughout the years with him being my ultimate bias not just in kpop but like..in life lol. (There are other supporters who share the same idea, like @faakeid for example.)

——————-

I feel like since e——x—-o was created, the image of a “hot, sexy bad boy player” has always been pinned on ji. Out of all the members, he’s always the one front and center with him being the face of the group. He’s is usually the one in the most eccentric or revealing clothing (cue the crop tops and black hairstyles). He has a smoldering ‘come hither’ gaze and a smirk when he dances that will send you to your knees. He plays the bad guy or ladies man roll in almost every music video, and outside of the videos he’s wearing Gucci clothes strolling through the airport like it’s his runway. He’s hot. He knows it. You know it. I know it. So it would make sense, in a heteronormative world, that he would be a real ladies man.

But it’s weird, because outside of his stage persona, ji is different. He’s shy and awkward. He doesn’t really go out much, doesn’t drink, doesn’t have too many friends. He’s extremely observant and attentive to people and takes in all that is happening around him. He giggles a lot, sleeps a lot, reads a lot. He is weak for babies and dogs. He is super sentimental and insightful and wears his emotions right there on his sleeve. I’ve never seen him not accept a fan letter in an airport. He is an almost 6foot tall grown man that owns stuffed animals lmao.

I’m not saying his stage persona is not necessarily accurate, bits and pieces of that may be the side of him that is only able to be revealed through his art (I.e dancing/performing). But I feel like even though most fans acknowledge the ka*/ji duality, as soon as a scandal comes out about him everyone forgets it and suddenly he’s just the image he portrays.

Which brings me to this jxk scandal. Maybe it’s because he’s my bias and I’m just observant and keen on getting info about ppl I like, but once again everything mentioned in the dispatch statement doesn’t match the ji who isn’t his stage persona. Placing kaisoo aside for a moment, shyt like uploading matching insta posts, dating a celeb and getting caught for the second time just doesn’t seem like something ji would do. Though cute and soft, he’s not irresponsible and most importantly he’s not dumb. He’s walked through airports with face masks on to cover facial hair, but wouldn’t wear one for a date with a very famous celebrity under a dating ban after getting caught once before? It simply doesn’t make sense, but I feel like because people are so desperate for his k*i persona to be the real him, they ignore the real him and make it make sense. It doesn’t help that the company he works for consistently pushes this image of him as well.

Same with kxk back in 2016. The rumors people came up with were absolutely vile. Shyt like blowjobs in public pools and condom receipts (both debunked to be false btw) and literally everyone ate it up. Meanwhile I’m sitting here wondering....does anyone know who ji actually is?? Like seriously has anyone actually paid attention to who he is and how he behaves/interacts with people and carries himself? He couldn’t even say the word breast on tv but he’s getting blowjobs in public pools? I mean the shyt doesn’t even sound right lmao.

It also baffles me that people continue to believe dispatch year after year, even though they’ve been proven to have released false rumors and info. Again I think it’s because people want it to be true. They want it to fit their narrative and their image of ji which is largely again, most likely just his persona. They want to believe it’s true because its an “aesthetic couple” despite the fact that (unlike ba*ky*on) we heard not a peep from ji nor krys during kxk and every single part of dispatch’s story + rumors were proven false (and I’m sure the same thing will happen again now).

But it all makes sense in their heads bc in their heads, the hot sexy playboy ji on stage is really who they think he is. Someone like him could only be with another hot and sexy woman, which brings me to my second big issue about this: the ridiculous double standards with heteronormativity in Korea and in the industry/among fans. We all know that as soon as we give even a tiny hit that we think ji and is are dating, we’ll get called insane and delusional in a heartbeat. But how is it delusional to believe this? Because they’re both boys and in the same group? Do people not realize that something like this happened already?

If anything, I feel as though it would be easier to conceal your sexuality as a gay/non-straight male within kpop as an idol (let me reiterate easier to conceal, by no means am I implying that it would make living and/or identifying as lgbtq+ easier) than it would be as a normal every day person, and the reason for this is simply because no one ever willing to acknowledge the possibility that there are gay idols. Male idols would easily be able to do things that are generally thought of to be gay w/o an issue because everyone will write it off as skinship, aegyo, a company created ship or just being an idol. Kaisoo is a perfect example of this—even with years of rumors, ‘incriminating’ photos and very obvious demeanor everyone still is convinced they are both just friends. Ji and ks have had more matching outfits than ji has with any woman, but it’s only a sign of dating when it’s with a woman. Seh*n is another example, the boy straight up said he likes men at a concert and everyone forgot about it and went on about their day. On one hand, in a way this oblivious attitude helps to ironically keep them protected I suppose. But the flip side is that the heteronormativity of it stays exactly that—the norm.

I can’t really say for sure if this has anything to do with kaisoo this time (again I’m thinking it’s to protect Jn). I guess I’m just more annoyed that if this is indeed some sort of media play, once again it’s ji who has to succumb to the image he was given, one that clearly doesn’t seem to 100% match who he is.

#I hope i made myself clear enough with this one #I wrote this last night and had a bit of alcohol in me while i was writing it lol #so I wanted to wait and post it today when I had more clarity lmao 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️#anyhoo these are just my thoughts and observations #I feel like I made everything clear but if yall need clarifications on anything dont hesitate to shoot me an ask!#I dont want any misunderstandings💖#beri talks #kaisoo theory #maybe? lol #beri theories #kaisoo #kadi #dika

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comicteaparty · 5 years

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December 27th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on December 27th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PST. The chat focused on Inhibit by Eve Greenwood / evegwood.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Inhibit by Eve Greenwood / evegwood~! (http://www.inhibitcomic.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

there are many great scenes, but i am particularly fond of victor in the parking garage. specifically, i enjoy the unfolding of events once masha joins the party. i love the fact that victor freezes up and just flat out doesnt know what to do. not only does this fit with his character, but i actually think its refreshing for a protagonist with powers to still just be a regular person deep down who does not have the required training to deal with that sort of situation. not to mention i love seeing paulina's powers in action

spire

Agreed! The garage is one of my favorites too. I love how Paulina is breaking rules left and right- not just laws (lol) but all the concepts that have been established so far about how powers are supposed to work. I really want to figure out what's going on(edited)

RebelVampire

or is she breaking laws? as in the powers. obviously shes breaking the other sorts of laws like dont set ppls property on fire. but i will save theories on the powers for a bit later. i do enjoy that she throws a wrench already into what's established. tho i felt bad for victor that nobody is listening to him.

another scene ive been enjoying is the current flashback where victor is a bouncy child. mostly because i love how excited about everything victor is. like wanting explosions just cause its cool. and i think its just this real contrast that builds tension for the narrative since youre like "victor man what happened O_O"

spire

No one listened to him then and no one listens to him now. I would love it if someone took him seriously for once

I would also love it it someone let him REST

RebelVampire

yeah my heart really hurts for him. because ive been in that position of sitting there constantly trying to tell someone something and then being ignored.

although i really think ppl need to learn moderation in regards to their expectations for victor most of all

cause it seems like ppl either 1) expect nothing from victor and think hes a loser or 2) pull a nate and expect victor to auto be this extremely capable person despite not having trained for anything in years

Superjustinbros

*jumps in

Hello~!

RebelVampire

hey super!

Superjustinbros

Hey Rebel!

Pleased to be here~

spire

Hello~

Superjustinbros

And hello to you too, Spire!

RebelVampire

another scene that i enjoy was when julia, david, and victor snuck back in to the building to eavesdrop. on a technical level i liked the writing for it because it was a scene that moved the plot along but also served to show off the relationship dynamics that exist between those specific characters. so as a narrative construct everything in that scene felt like it had purpose to one end or the other.

Superjustinbros

I just want to say, the faces in this comic are incredible.

http://www.inhibitcomic.com/comics/2658763/chapter-5-pg-11/ Especially this one on the bottom right

And then they play bloody Laser Tag

RebelVampire

yeah the faces on the kid are really some fantastic exaggerations

Superjustinbros

Oh yes

RebelVampire

but suits them cause theyre kids

Superjustinbros

There's lots of fun to be had with giving characters over the top faces.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. Victor has been shown to be a drastically different person than he was in his youth. What is the past incident that several characters bring up that apparently resulted in a trial and inevitably got Victor kicked out of Urquhart? What does it have to do with Masha, and do you think Julia was involved somehow considering she’s also at Earl Estate? Is it the reason Nate and Victor’s relationship soured as well? Do you believe the incident is what changed Victor so much, or is it several aspects of his life? Do you think any of this has something to do with why Victor has failed to improve at Earl Estate? Also, why do you believe Victor’s inhibitors are now failing him so badly? Lastly, do you believe his missions with Nate will have an effect on Victor’s personality? How so?

Superjustinbros

tfw it's already time to answer question 2

I'll stop posting these to the chat now

RebelVampire

well considering adult victor has some issue controlling his powers when hes emotional, im gonna assume something of that nature happened. potentially maybe to that bully who keeps picking on young masha. cause i feel like victor is gonna stand up to them or attempt to and get mad and then accidentally severely injure them or something. idk about julia being involved

tho looking back it looks like she has all her fingers as a child

Superjustinbros

That seems like a very good interpretation.

Considering he does shoot out electricity at impractical times, at least from what I've seen(edited)

RebelVampire

as for nate and victor's relationship souring, i think theres more at work than just this incident. i kind of get the impression that nate just kind of likes taking things out on victor even when everything has nothing to do with victor. but i think basically all this crap combined to shake victor's confidence and that's a large reason hes not improving. cause he just has no reason to be confident anymore.

spire

I think Vic's self worth has been raised into a precarious position thanks to being a gifted (in this case- super powered) child, and with how much his spark-outs are emphasized through the whole comic, something terrible must have happened with a spark and that lack of control was touted against him, which makes it near impossible to repair his self esteem

RebelVampire

yes definitely all that. cause i feel by and large that victor has just given up on himself. which tbf i dont blame him cause literally nobody is doing anything to help really. like theres not a truly positive influence. although to nate's credit i guess he's trying? just ya know, in a super bad way

spire

Lol yeah. That's a good way to put it

Nate is helping but in the worst way. Vic needs some genuine, earnest support

As for Julia, I suspect she gave herself frostbite? Noor is very strict about Julia forming ice around her limbs, and she must have been moved to Earl for a similar outburst of her own powers

RebelVampire

tbh i think julia has more control of her powers. from the impression i get anyway. i kind of think julia is just reckless and doesnt think her actions through. though i mean might of been an outburst too. i could really go either way. and maybe its both.

though frostbite is way more tame than what i was thinking happened XD

i was picturing more encasing an ice and then shattering said ice

frostbite sounds more reasonable and less horrific

spire

Omg

Julia just thought one day that it would be cool to be a snowman

She didn't consider the fact that she can't move. Once she becomes the snow man ️

RebelVampire

that sounds like something shed do. even now cause i dont feel shes anymore responsible than she was as a kid

which ya know narratively speaking is kind of a good contrast with victor in a way

spire

Yeah

RebelVampire

cause victor has no control of his powers but has a sort of reserved control of himself. whereas julia has control of her powers but is an explosion of bad decisions waiting to happen

spire

I love that about them. Despite Julia's recklessness I think it's good for Vic to not be sitting alone in his room 24/7

RebelVampire

idk i agree and disagree. its good for him to get out and socialize, but im not sure the ppl around him are well-suited to kind of give him teh space he needs.

tho tbf im not sure the estate is the healithiest place in general

it kind of feels like prison

QUESTION 3. Victor’s life changes a lot when he’s forced to join Nate’s team. Why do you think Nate is so vehement about having Victor as a temporary member on his team? Is he honestly just trying to help Victor, or is there is some other hidden reason? What did you think the way the retrievals were handled says about the world and its view on Variants? How might the first mission change Victor’s perspective on Variants and how they’re treated (if at all)? How will it affect how Victor deals with other team missions and/or the course of the story? Lastly, do you believe that Victor will be able to makes amends and bond with the team, or will he continue to be chastised and treated somewhat lesser?

spire

The way that variants are trained at places like Urq and Miller to almost solely police their own community is disturbing. Vic wants no part of it and it's perfectly understandable

Variants are monitored so closely through their whole lives. it's invasive.

RebelVampire

yeah. and i mean...theres a degree i want to be understanding. i would not want untrained variants just walking around causing accidents and such. cause theyve shown that their powers can be damaging not just to others but themselves and also all the property around them. so i can understand that variants kind of need a special thing going on for everyone's protection

but man do those places feel like prison

like when you cant even let someone's mom see their kid off

thats a bad sign

spire

In that kind of environment a variant is pressured to do whatever they can to appear trustworthy. Even if Nate is trying to help Vic out I think he's ultimately trying to make himself look better by helping Vic succeed

RebelVampire

that could be although i feel theres easier ways then making under the table secret deals. tho tbh i think theres a mix going on here. like i think nate does want to help victor and wants to see him succeed. but i also feel like nate isnt altruistic either. more like he wants to help victor cause he feels like victor is his one failure that he cant leave to continue to be a failure just for the sake of his own pride.

Superjustinbros

“I think he's ultimately trying to make himself look better by helping Vic succeed”

This thought caught my eyes

RebelVampire

although it could also be that nate sees something of himself reflected in victor. cause nate did freak out when masha wasnt just flat out listening to his captain's orders. and i kind of feel that reflects his own feelings of being unsure of himself

Superjustinbros

Perhaps

RebelVampire

but i kind of wonder if theres an issue of dormancy at play in all this? cause if nate feels like he's losing his powers and position soon, that could be a prime motivator in whatever he feels hes got to do

like hes running out of his chance to do that one super awesome thing that immortalizes him in history

spire

Ooooooooo that's a very interesting thought

Reminiscent of thinkin you need to be ultra successful by the time you're 30

I hadn't thought of nates motivation that way before :0

RebelVampire

yeah and this is kind of an extreme case of needing to be successful by 30. cause in this case its kind of true in a way. since im sure if youre a variant the powers are kind of part of who you are. but by 30 you lose that and essentially have to redefine who you are as a person. and i think thats more true with the way their system is set up since their glorified prisons are so life encompassing.

spire

Yeah. That's got to be terrifying, knowing your whole identity is going to disappear one day, one day SOON

RebelVampire

yes. or so were led to believe. cause tbf i got sinister vibes from that scene with the doctor checking young victor for dormancy. so maybe all we know is a lie and dormancy is not a natural process but something forced upon variants.

spire

OOOOOOOOHH

Terrifying if tru

Superjustinbros

Yeah that scene creeped me out a bit

and it just came out of nowhere

RebelVampire

cause i agree with young victor. why are you checking a kid for dormancy if you know the typical ages for dormancy

and i feel that line is there for a reason

spire

I wonder if he's still wondering that now, 9 years later?

And I hope he is

RebelVampire

maybe hell remember it

Superjustinbros

Exactly, Rebel. (about the dormacy part)(edited)

RebelVampire

cause to tie in the 2nd part of that question, i def think victor is on the path to see the injustice in how variants are treated

those facial expressions in the van were already on the extreme i feel sorry for these people side

QUESTION 4. Inadvertently, Victor becomes involved with a dangerous arsonist named Paulina. What do you think Paulina’s powers are? Is she a pyro as many believe, or is there something funky going on with her powers like Victor believes? Why do you believe Paulina attacked Miller, and why do you think she’s so desperately looking for Chalice? Where do you think Paulina even came from given she isn’t declaring any facility as her origin? Why, of all people, do you think Paulina went to Victor specifically for help? Given Victor gets Julia involved, how might the residents of Earl Estate affect Victor helping Paulina or not? In general, do you believe Victor will help Paulina or not, and how will this choice affect the rest of the story?

Superjustinbros

I'm going to say maybe she has multiple powers versus most of the other characters that only have one

spire

That's what I was thinking too

Superjustinbros

I mean she really is mysterious, since her profile is still //||?⁄⁄/⁄\ | on the site

RebelVampire

idk. i mean its certainly possible. but im also willing to think that she has one power that doesnt fit any of the predefined powers the world established. so like shes a new variant type. or that she knows how to use her pyro powers in a way that nobody thought possible

but multiple powers is still possible

im just more willing to error on the side of it still fitting in with established laws and we just dont get the full picture yet

Superjustinbros

maybe like dark/gravity powers, or some power that's otherwise considered taboo?

spire

I think ultimately Vic's going to be looking for some truth and working with Pauli will appear? To get him some answers

Superjustinbros

Considering het background is nothing like the others

And yeah, maybe that ends up happening

http://inhibit.smackjeeves.com/files/what.png I mean can anyone translate this(edited)

RebelVampire

no but its probably just for the purposes of making her mysterious

and wont change to not give new readers spoilers XD

spire

Yes I believe that's simply to keep it mysterious for new readers

Superjustinbros

Yeah

RebelVampire

i think victor will def help paulina, although im not sure i get the impression paulina is gonna inspire victor to look for truth persay. though if she gets him to chalice, i think chalice will make him question stuff.

Superjustinbros

Maybe, just maybe.(edited)

RebelVampire

i kind of get the impression that paulina didnt come from any facility but instead has been living and training outside the system. cause we dont really know the process by which the facilities collect variants in the first place. like obviously we see victor's mom bring victor. but like...was it the law? was it under threat hed be taken anyway? how did ppl know?(edited)

and without knowing these things i can think of a lot of reasons paulina just skirted by the system

Superjustinbros

Definitely could be something outside the system, since it's still a mystery

spire

I'm wondering if the only reason Pauli chased Vic down to Earl is because she has blackmail to make him help her find chalice. If she asked anyone else she's obvs get turned in to the police or taken home?? Wherever that is???

Well, I guess it's not really black mail. So I don't really know

RebelVampire

maybe paulina just picked him cause hes the only variant she knows now who didnt immediately try to arrest her

and tbf

victor is a good choice cause he would seem easy to intimidate into doing what you want him to do

spire

TRUE LMAO

RebelVampire

tho i couldnt fathom why she wants to find chalice. i mean the assumption is she wants their help. but maybe she super hates them and chalice is corrupt and bad. and that there is no good in this world. or something depressing like that.

Superjustinbros

lmao

Plus he's the protagonist

RebelVampire

paulina got super meta and said "hey victor you feel like a protagonist. you can probably help"

Superjustinbros

Protagonist Syndrome in a nutshell

RebelVampire

that makes me feel bad for victor. victor seems like the last person whod ever want to be a protagonist

just wants to sleep in his room instead

spire

Hashtag relatable tbh

Superjustinbros

Yes

RebelVampire

since we only have 4 mins left, are there any final thoughts to share?

Superjustinbros

I'd love to do the same lol

I want to say this has been a great read so far, it's got great characters, lots of emotion, and lots of charm.

(And lots of good expressions)

Good luck with the comic, Eve, it's really going strongly so far.

spire

I think inhibit really nails what it feels like to be pinned by the expectations put on you by all levels of society, but still allowing itself to breathe and be funny and so human

RebelVampire

i think inhibit is a great story with memorable personalities. but most of all it has a relateable protagonist whose inner demons can speak to most ppl, and watching his journey is definitely probably something that will inspire hope

unless victor dies

then no hope

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Eve Greenwood / evegwood, as well, for making Inhibit. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://www.inhibitcomic.com/

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Paypal Donation Link: https://www.paypal.me/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/evegwood

Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club

Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about Princess Pups by Lindsay Hornsby. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, January 3rd, from 5PM to 7PM PST for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!

Comic’s Main Site: https://tapas.io/series/Princess-Pups

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #inhibit #evegwood #eve greenwood

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standuphippy · 5 years

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2018 Favorite Shows

This year I continued my effort to catch a few bands that I’ve liked for years but never got around to seeing and it was very rewarding. These shows included Saint Etienne, Protomartyr, Agnes Obel, The Love Language, Erasure, Johnny Marr, The The, and The Dickies.

Not everyone comes to Los Angeles on a regular basis so I was thrilled to finally catch Young Galaxy, Dawn Landes, Retirement Party, Samantha Crain, and Sidney Gish.

It’s also worth mentioning that I saw a lot of great openers this year: bands I checked out because they happened to be on the bill and they turned out to be great. Weaves, Thin Lips, Petal, And the Kids, Jess Cornelius, Ed Harcourt (never miss the opening act at an Afghan Whigs show!), and awakebutstillinbed all belong in this category. But the following list is of the shows that were really special to me, in no particular order after The Jesus Lizard.

The Jesus Lizard, Sept. 29, Crystal Ballroom, Portland OR “Happy Birthday, Sabina.” Seeing The Jesus Lizard has always been an incredible experience but the reunion shows they’ve played over the past year were excellent even by their standards. The crowds came with high expectations: you could feel the excitement in the air before the band set foot on stage. (I’ve never had so many strangers strike up a conversation the way they do at TJL shows.) I’ve loved this band from the moment I heard them (thanks, Dad). I saw them play many times when I was in college. They were a standard by which I measured any other rock band. I’ve seen a lot of live music in the 25 years since I first saw them. They are still the standard. They never disappoint. It’s hard for me to articulate my feelings without hyperbole because it’s hard for me to believe that I’ve found a band that’s so consistently rewarding. In Portland, there was a profound synchronicity between the audience and the band. They delivered an epic set that included both “One Evening” and “Lady Shoes,” while the audience did the Dudley dance for half the duration of its namesake song, then staged a clap-a-long during “Fly on the Wall.” They keep getting better and no one else comes close.

Fever Ray, May 25, Hollywood Palladium, Los Angeles, CA One of the great debts I’ll always owe Pitchfork is that they introduced me to The Knife. Not only the band's music, but in 2006 they clued me in to the band’s 4-show U.S. tour with a front page exclaiming “THE KNIFE IS COMING”. On that tour, and the first Fever Ray tour three years later, Karin Dreijer hid in the shadows, obscured by darkness and makeup. The Knife had changed their approach by the time they hit the road in 2014, and it was a wild technicolor spectacle for people who wanted more aerobics in their dance party. There were so many performers onstage that it wasn’t always clear who was singing. Dreijer was never more out in front than on this Fever Ray tour, supporting the excellent 2017 release, Plunge. Flanked by backup performers, she seemed jubilant throughout the entire performance. Remarkably, all of the tracks from Fever Ray’s subdued 2009 debut fit neatly next to the new material. The version of the band that was onstage made everything in the catalog uniquely their own. Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to last. Dreijer cancelled the second half of the tour citing “general anxiety and panic attacks.” It’s a shame because this Fever Ray show was her best yet. Few artists reinvent their art the way Dreijer does. hopefully she’ll be ready to hit the road again in the future.

Let’s Eat Grandma, Sept. 4, Moroccan Lounge, Los Angeles, CA Every once in a while there’s a show where everyone knows something truly remarkable is happening. The audience is ecstatic and the band shares these glances where you know it’s special for them too. This was one of those shows. Let’s Eat Grandma released one of the best records of the year and delivered a performance to match.

The Dickies, Sept. 8, Whisky A Go Go, Los Angeles, CA I finally saw them after 30 years of fandom and they lived up to my high hopes. They played most of their greatest hits circa 1989′s “Great Dictations”. No “Killer Klowns from Outer Space” or “If Stuart Could Talk,” but a great set nonetheless. Their cover of “Paranoid” is a steamroller live and was definitely a highlight until the woman next to me was knocked down by an errant mosher and one of her pinwheeling arms hit me right in the balls.

I saw them again a few days ago on a bill with Mac Sabbath, PPL MVR, and Captured! By Robots and they played “If Stuart Could Talk”. I guess if you’re on bill with that many high-concept acts it’s time to break out the arms-length penis puppet.

Poster Children, Sept. 18, Hotel Café, Los Angeles, CA Poster Children should be huge. Their first three records, Flower Plower, Daisychain Reaction, and Tool of the Man, are classics, and their latest, Grand Bargain!, was one of my favorite records of the year. Their Los Angeles tour stop was at Hotel Café, a small club known for lighter fare. Upon seeing the tables in front of the stage, Rose asked, “You guys know what kind of music we play, right?” The set was a mix of classics and cuts from Grand Bargain! and I lost my mind when they played “Dangerous Life” in the encore set.

Samantha Crain, Dec. 13, The Echo, Los Angeles, CA An artist I’ve waited a (relatively) long time to see and she was worth the wait. I loved last year’s “You Had Me at Goodbye” and it turns out she has a deep and excellent catalog as well. The Echo wasn’t crowded and there was no one else in my line of sight so it felt very intimate. My only complaint was that she was opening for another act; I would have loved a set that was twice as long.

Basia Bulat, Feb. 23, Bootleg Bar, Los Angeles, CA I’ve loved her music for 10 years and I’ve tried to see every show she’s played in Los Angeles. It’s a quest that’s included venues such as Old Style Guitar Shop, It’s a School Night at Bardot, and even a Bob Odenkirk comedy revue at Largo. I’ve seen her at Hotel Cafe, The Echo, and The Bootleg (3 times). I’m trying to show you what my commitment level is so you can fully understand how embarrassing the following story is to me: The show last February was a gig that she performed while she was in town recording her new album. She effortlessly translated her work for a solo performance where she alternated between guitar and piano. As always, she sounded amazing. The piano was pushed up against the stage, so when she played it, she was only a few feet away from where I was standing. She asked if anyone had heard her most recent record, “Good Advice.” We had. The audience seemed very enthusiastic: before the show I overheard people recounting other shows of hers that they’d attended, one couple had opened for her many years ago, etc. “Well, sing along!” she enthused. “Good Advice” has a bridge where there is a back and forth vocal. The lines are repeated and slightly offset, so that if one person was singing, she’d have to clip the outgoing line to get to the next one, and there are about six of these call and response couplets in that part of the song. I knew this is the part of the song she was talking about. When she got there, I was feeling pretty confident that we were all gonna nail this and it was going to be a fucking magical communion between us, her longtime fans. She hit the first one, and sang “Any sense I had at all is gone,” and I, anticipating being part of a chorus, sang the echo line. Over the course of the five seconds it took to recite the line, I realized that I was the only one singing and everyone was listening. I could feel people turning towards me. Basia Bulat was saying, “Yes, yes, yes!” and smiling as she played. I was shaken and missed the next cue. Now the pressure was on and there was no way I was going to be able to rejoin and not mess up, so I stayed silent. I stood next to her in shame, knowing that every line I didn’t jump in on made the situation increasingly awkward. Basia Bulat shrugged and did the rest of the lines herself.

I humiliated myself in front of an artist that I’ve long admired, but it was still one of my favorite shows of the year, because she’s brilliant. The reason I go to every show I can is that she always seems like she’s about to have some greater degree of success. If there are any casual observers in the audience when she starts, there are only fans when she walks off the stage. I still believe that it’s only a matter of time before she’s playing in a theater or a place with a greater separation between the artist and the crowd, so I'm going to continue to catch all the shows that I can. I’ll just try to do a better job of reading the room.

The Breeders, April 7, Observatory, Santa Ana, CA The last time I saw The Breeders they sucked but they put out such a great album (All Nerve is easily one of the year’s best) that I had to see this show. I’m glad I went because they was amazing. They have so many great songs that a live set is an embarrassment of riches. They even played “Gigantic.” There was a woman standing next to me for the duration of the show and we chatted while The Breeders were setting up. Once they started playing, she would turn to me and say something I couldn’t hear and I would smile and nod and she would issue this crazy laugh. So The Breeders were great but after every song I looked into this mass that was all eyes and teeth and hair in blue light. She looked like Sheryl Lee in Fire Walk With Me and it was terrifying.

Kyle Craft, March 4, Moroccan Lounge, Los Angeles, CA

I have bad luck seeing Kyle Craft in that he’s played here fairly frequently and it rarely works out that I can attend. I’ve seen him twice, once a few years ago when he was on tour for his debut album Dolls of Highland and then this year when he was supporting his follow up, Full Circle Nightmare. Both shows were excellent. He’s got a great band and they’ll give you a full on rock show. Craft is one of those artists that you should see when you can, not only because he’s a great performer, but because his muse moves quickly. His first release was a double album; he played it almost in it’s entirety the first time I saw him. When he came back for this show, he played one song from it.

Lydia Loveless, June 10, Casbah, San Diego, CA Lydia Loveless, June 11, Troubadour, Los Angeles, CA

My daughter had a dance recital on the 10th and when it was over I dropped her and my wife off and tried to break the land speed record to get to San Diego in time to see Lydia Loveless. I arrived just as she started her first song. Forty minutes later, I jumped in the car and drove back to Los Angeles, as I had to work early the next day. It was worth it because although Lydia Loveless has recorded many exceptional cover songs, I’ve never heard her play one live, and at this show she performed her cover of Justin Bieber’s “Sorry.” These shows were solo acoustic performances, and she was opening for Justin Townes Earle. She doesn’t play on the West Coast very often, so I always try to catch whatever I can. I love her records and she’s fantastic live. These shows were excellent but shows with her band are unbelievable.

Belly, August 9, Teragram Ballroom, Los Angeles, CA

I had written Belly off as a live band, I was disappointed with a show that I’d seen two years previous. I liked their new album, Dove, and since I had the night off I figured I should check this show out. I’m glad that I did because it was the best Belly show I’ve ever seen (twice in 1993 and once in 2016).

Loma, April 8, Bootleg Bar, Los Angeles, CA

Silence is respect in Los Angeles, and Loma got a lot of it. Jonathan Meiburg (Shearwater) Emily Cross and Dan Duszynski (both of Cross Record) crafted this delicate record and as captivating as it is, I feel as though I didn’t truly appreciate it until I saw this show. Who knows if the three of them will ever make another record together. See what you can when you can.

#the jesus lizard #fever ray #the breeders #lydia loveless #loma #kyle craft #belly #the dickies #basia bulat #samantha crain #let's eat grandma

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aoawpw · 2 years

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ACCOUNTS OF A WIERDLY PERVISH WOMAN

I am genuinely not in the slightest knowledge of why I am writing this. Boredom may be. The urge to look like I m actually doing something worthwhile? May be. Anyway, I was reading a good book and a guy came and sat opposite to me. I’ll tell u what is happening right now. A lot of people are sleeping. There is a faint lofi music playing in the background probably from my earphones. I am too numb to even process that. Then there are people who are talking. I actually despise them more the sleepy guys. I mean u are in a reading room and still can’t just fucking keep quiet?? I mean what the heck. I didn’t have any lunch and its really cold out here. Ac I guess. Today we have sudeera’s bridal shower. So, will apparently get biryani. I am getting dangerously cold. But I will have to ride my cycle back. Some ppl left for lunch and returned back. I don’t see many people who are watching movies. I mean, I would like to watch one in here if I can. The guy in front of me just caught me staring at him. So, fucking embarrassing and weird. Well he has a pc as well as a tab in front of him and is seen to be doing some serious works. I mean for the nonprying eyes, even I am a very busy girl typing her heart out in her pc. So variables do exist. I can’t look at him because he keeps on catching my eyes peeping. And if the number of times I peep increases, that will turn to a very unhealth and ugly situation. The guy is an artist I guess. And I think he changed midway. I mean I understand that he had a mask on but how can I be so bad at guessing the rest of his face. He has a goddamn moustache on his face. I mean a moustache really??? Not even in my wildest dreams I thought the man was hiding a very prominent and noticeable part of his identity. Somebody just distracted me from my ranting by asking me about the laptop charger. Anyway, coming back to the moustache guy, he just went out to attend a call. People might be probably assuming that I am talking or texting to somebody very special. With a faint smile on my lips, they would not even in million years think that I am obsessively writing about their life unless they peek around. I can see the moustache guy walking back and forth outside the room hurriedly talking to someone. Now he is back. But I still have my doubts on whether this is the same guy who I first saw with a mask on. Anyway, coming back to him being an artist. I don’t know what makes me say that but he seems to be busily drawing something on his pad. I think he might return me a smile on probing but I am generally not the one to succumb. He is sketching. He has a muse or a photo or something that he is looking or staring at before making those hurried strokes. He has a weirdly pleasing overall demeanour. With round glasses, angular phase and a thick moustache. He does not have a heavy build but is definitely not lean. In a pretty fit shape. I think he speaks my language but as I have mentioned earlier, no initiation on my part. There is a guy sitting on a table beside me. I think I have seen him before. Not randomly but pretty positive that this was one of the yeehaw guys I saw that day on my trip to the fort. He doesn’t seem to remember so I am also pretending to be oblivious to his presence. Okay, I had to take a break from my musing since the saree parcel came. I had to go out. Walk to the gate and carry it back. One funny thing is that I am not at all hungry. I mean that is supposed to be weird or cool? I don’t know. Anyway, the moustache guy. He is vigorously clicking away or drawing. I am not sure which one. But yeah. So vigorous that the table where I have placed my water bottle is rattling a bit and in turn is my bottle. Small vibration. A lot of people have left I think. And some people are coming back too. My classmates are here too. I was a tad bit preoccupied by the moustache guy to properly address them. Okay, now I know for sure that he was not an artist. He was writing. On a tab with a white pen. He was taking notes I guess. He placed the tab on the table and just went outside. I might have creeped him out a little bit. He left and I was looking through the glass panels at him. I am pretty positive that our eyes met. He has come back. Fully focused on what is in front of him. I can see him glancing up once in a while and I deliberately try not to look back. How much more of a socially awkward person can I be. The guys from my class just left. Today one of my tutors were telling me that I have a smart ass. I mean I just come across as friendly, talkative and smart. Its my face. Only the face people see. Only the face people judge. A meticulously planned and thought out façade that I have been convincing people to be the real one, the original one. None of the rotten parts visible. Not even a speck. The guy just left. Now I remember that he came in with a girl. She sat on a corner table. They left together on a scooter. Its high time I also stop this before somebody else take the place of my moustache guy. Accounts of a weirdly perverted woman.

#selfmusing

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