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dirtydancingdean · 3 years

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✨ fic recs ✨

ok so back in like 2014 i watched supernatural for a solid 3 years until they killed kevin and charlie and i got bored of the bmol storyline. now im here again let’s not talk about it. BUT during this time i accumulated a Lot of fic and in the past two months i’ve gone through all 213 of my bookmarks and gone through like every rec list made after s12 in order to read fic set during every specific season while i rewatch the show. because im insane <3 im on s8 rn and wanted to share my list of favourites from each season so far as well as my favourite aus ! they’re all generally nsfw so minors be careful, and also check the warnings ! and i will update this when i finish s15 <3

aus

asunder by rageprufrock (23.8k, e, background samruby)

obviously the most perfect thing to ever exist.

and this, your living kiss by opal_bullets (56k, m, background saileen)

poet dean fic need i say more. part dean studies if dean studies was elaborated on lovingly in detail for 56k words, part gorgeous and beautiful poetry, part incredibly clever commentary on meta and fan allusions, and part stunning exploration of the relationships in the show turned on their heads.

one white little lie by komodobits (11k, gen)

this is SOOO cute. cas is so embarrassing i was covering my face the entire time i was reading it. if u want to be cheered up. read this.

broadway musical by griftings (12k, m)

this is genuinely sooo funny. big “castiel did you fuck the michael sword” energy and jimmy novak as that “am not against gays” tweet, plus jo <3

c-s-t-l by komodobits (90k, m)

i haven't read this in a while but from what i remember it was incredible and also had cassie <3

rest is under the cut because it got long fhjfkfklf

pre-series/season 1-3*

a turn of the earth by microcomets (time travel, 95k, standford era, m)

i think everyone’s read this at this point but if u haven't. what are u doing. go read it. it’s absolutely everything i reread it in the week before the finale without remembering half of the stuff it talked about and i was a WRECK. if u think about standford era dean every day read this. cas punches john winchester in the FACE.

geography by aeli_kindara (3k, teen and up, warnings for discussion of rape/non-con and prostitution)

not dean/cas but a really wonderful and needed conversation with sam and dean during 2x02.

season 4

so says the sword by komodobits (85k, e)

yeah. i dont need to say anything.

consequences of falling by fayjay (37k, e, background samruby, warnings for rape/non-con)

THISSSS FIC. pls it’s perfect literally everything i wanted when i was watching s4 and obsessed with love as an act of worship + ruby and cas parallels. ruby and cas get drunk together! ruby says this: “dean and castiel sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes the fall from grace, then comes battling the hosts of hell and wishing that you’d managed to get your skinny ass laid before the freaking apocalypse”! what more could u want!

named by rc_machlan (94k, m)

literally the best fic in the world i am not going to say Anything if you love dean and angels and the mythology of s4-s5 that was promptly dropped, you absolutely have to read this.

four people ruby seduced & one she actually fell for (or: ruby's epic love affair with humanity in general and sam in specific) by tuesday (3.7k, e, samruby, ruby/jo)

this is more background deancas than anything else and does contain brief, not romantic in any way dean/ruby and dean/cas, but like. if u love ruby (which i do) u have to read this.

season 5

final fantasy by orange_crushed (1.9k, m)

endverse.....this made me want to die

the (mostly accidental) courtship of dean winchester by tuesday (11k, m)

a classic for a reason. really cute and soft and the handprint and cas beating dean up in 5x18 are angelic marriage rites. what more could you ask for.

the girlfriend experience by rageprufrock (15k, explicit)

of Course i mean of COURSE. thee s5 deancas fic.

strike me down and i’ll come back more powerful than you can possibly imagine by trinityofone (10k, gen)

post 5x22 dean and cas rescue sam from hell with the help of some special guests. PERFECT. the only valid good omens crossover.

season 6**

something stupid by zatnikatel (20k, e)

this broke my heart and put it back together. one of my favourite cas characterizations, takes place over s5-s6 and it’s just stunning.

a crash course in someone else’s history by annie d (11k, teen and up)

s4 cas ends up in the body of cas in 6x20. fucking life-ruining.

season 7

make known by domesticadventures (16k, teen and up)

this is a really heartbreaking look at dean’s headspace near the end of s6 and throughout s7, and it’s really wonderful with a hopeful ending.

redemption road by a whole bunch of people (652k, virtual season, explicit)

oh boy. ok. know ur herstory ! this was written from 2011 to 2012 and it is thee s7 fic, a virtual season written by 17 fans all together. it’s very very long and it suffers sometimes from having being written a decade ago, but im making my way through it right now and it still fucking holds up. i really do recommend reading at least some of it, you can stop around halfway through and you should be fine.

season 8***

rinse, repeat by ias (3k, teen and up)

exploration of cas when naomi forces him to kill copies of dean and then his perspective in goodbye stranger.

my keeper by whelvenwings (5k, gen)

another goodbye stranger fic, this time with bonus artist cas!

though the course may change by imogenbynight (51k, e)

au after 8x23. i love this fic so much. dean accidentally ends up making himself have to go undercover with cas and pretend to be fake engaged. also, charlie and kevin. do i need to say more.

apres by imogenbynight (24k, e)

au after 8x23 where dean goes to find cas after the angels fall in paris 🥺

*i have found exactly one bela fic that i loved, and zero henriksen fics that i loved, so IF u have recs for those. i would appreciate that.

**mostly the s6 fics i read were uh...vampire dean fics...

***have found one (1) good dean/aaron fic but im still searching for the perfect purgatory crew fics

#mine #supernatural #deancas #fic recs #destiel

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franzizka · 2 years

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Franziska for the character ask!!!!!!!!! Thanks!!!!!!

ahhh no thank you!!!! she is my favorite my best girl!!!!

favorite thing about them

i love how dedicated franziska is, not only because it's really satisfying to watch her change from being dedicated to preserving the von karma legacy to becoming a better investigator and prosecutor and finding justice, but also because it makes the moments where she DOES falter even a little bit even more compelling and serve to characterize her so well

least favorite thing about them

i think this is gonna be a common theme but i think the whip thing gets taken too far. aa definitely has this happen a lot where they take one comic relief character trait and exaggerate it but i think they started overusing it pretty fast when it COULD have worked.

favorite line

"My beauty can't possibly be captured by a mere crayon!" sdkfksjdfh jk jk but for real i like "Legends are a thing of the past. I am a Von Karma. That is all." and when she tells phoenix she's gonna kick his ass for HERSELF this time. i love franziska coming to terms with how she's different from her father and it's a good thing

brOTP

i want franziska and kay to be weird friends against all odds SO fucking bad i want kay and her to text when it's like the middle of the night in japanifornia and it's 3 in the afternoon in germany and kay asks her stupid questions but franziska gives her the most serious answers

OTP

sorry but it's gotta be franmaya. what if you were a narrative parallel to me and we both had trauma related to our families to overcome and i once spent an entire day trying nonstop to save your life as a way to make up for once putting you in danger accidentally and trying you for murder... and we were both girls...

nOTP

like her brother i think franziska is completely gay but i once saw someone ship her and larry seriously and that's like so fucking annoying adkfhsjdkf she literally fucking hates his guts

random headcanon

franziska's favorite food is eintopf which is like a german stew because it's what their housekeeper would often make for her and miles when von karma wasn't home and it reminds her of eating in the kitchen instead of at the formal dining table and laughing instead of having to be prim and proper

unpopular opinion

i really hate fics where franziska uses her whip in bed sakfhjkdhf maybe this isn't unpopular but they skeeve me out. i think she would hate that actually

song i associate with them

NUMB BY MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS!!! the franziska song EVERRRRRR

favorite picture of them

i love the one where she's wearing pink fluffy headphones :)

//send me a character and i'll answer these questions!!!

#im so flattered you guys sent me asks ;_____;#franziska von karma #meta #character asks #asks #akkipu #suggestive #just in case bc i mentioned fics skhadkjfh

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kaypeace21 · 3 years

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The theme with “time” this season makes me think of the phrase, “wanting to turn back the clock.” And I then think of Will never wanting to grow up and wanting to go back to the old days of playing dnd in Mike’s basement.

And then I think of Will’s (speculated) reality altering bending powers. So could there be a possibility that Will may use those powers to “turn back the clock”?? Maybe rewrite how things happened? Maybe it would be after Mike’s “death” like you speculated earlier. Since he thinks Mike is “dead” he wants to go back, and that’s what he does accidentally.

ALSO, Hopper tells joyce that he was trying to runaway from his "past" trauma with sara- before he says that line in the letter about wanting to turn back the clock and then saying it's not possible to do so . (And that life life hurts you but eventually you get out of that cave and life goes on ). Similar to Will he wants to turn back the clock to better times, but a part of him isn't ready to accept his entire past/ the tra*uma that comes with that- in order to move on and heal for the future .

Like robin said about back to the future "he's stuck in the past .But he needs to get back to his time which is the future!"

HOWEVER- I DON’T THINK THERE’S ANY REAL TIME TRAVEL!!!!

I’ve mentioned my time-theory many many many times- in relation to my DID theory. even if my did theory is completely wrong (aka Will has powers so his alters/split personalities/innerworlds come to life)-

We also see how memories are explored in a supernatural way in st - it’s not literal timetravel just El using her powers to explore tra*matic memories of others (Terry/Billy so far). Like NO TIME TRAVEL PLEASE-THAT’S JUMPING THE SHARK. I really don’t want it lol. XD I think hopper and Robin's lines allude to the theme that will be addressed: confronting the past/times that harmed you but overcoming it for the future because time goes on 'whether you like it or not '.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

In reference to my time-did theory. Look at the st s4 movie inspirations. In ‘what dreams may come” a guy explores a heaven like world influenced by a painter’s emotions/created via immagination.We also have the movie ‘inside out’ -which involves “memory islands” (distinct worlds based on a child’s memories) which are influenced negatively by the kid being depressed she moved to California. The characters traveling to these memory islands are constructs of kid’s mind -and 1 of them also has a guide helping them explore the ‘memory islands’. Welcome to marwen- has an artist (attacked for being perceived as gay) imagining an abstract world based off his art- where the characters he made experience their own adventures (loosely based off the artist’s trauma). ‘The cell ‘ has characters explore the mind of a guy whose father ab*sed him- and the different alternative fantasy-worlds they explore are based off his memories. The cop exploring these memory-worlds, was also implied to be se*ually ab*sed by his dad . Also,in Inception a guy says he’s a construct of a guy’s mind ( the guy who created the dream worlds that are like alternate dimensions/levels- also hates his dad). And leo’s character says he needs to help him escape the many different levels of the dream world of the mind. Movies like inception, total recall, the cell, enter the void, wizard of oz, Peter Pan, hellraiser 2, dream warriors, bill & ted’s bogus journey, the labyrinth,and welcome to marwen, all allude to this: because they involve entering simulated abstract worlds usually created/based on happy& traumatic memories/fears. While truman show/matrix are more about realizing your reality isn’t real. While in bladerunner 2044/total recall it has the theme of false implanted memories… probably relating to hopper/el realizing they’re alters of Will’s-and their memories were technically created by him.

Something some DiD suffers have are “innerworlds” .When someone has DID there can be multiple “innerworlds” that are separate from one another (and look very different from one another) .And are usually very abstract worlds that are based on the child’s memories (good &bad) . These worlds are usually created at different times and almost act like alternate dimensions (and the inhabitants -npcs/alters of those worlds usually don’t interact with one another) . So they can almost resemble alternate dimensions like how Scott Clarke mentions “Hugh Everett’s many worlds interpretation.” Russia where Hopper is- is probably one of those innerworlds.

HOPPER THEORY:

tw:ab*se/r*pe. In s2 Nancy asks Steve how his “grandpa’s time in the war is a metaphor for your life?” And steve compares the mf to the germans in the war. Dr owens mentions Will has ptsd like “ (vietnam) soldiers’, Hopper saying he had buddies like Will . “In the 70s there was a study that compared the post-traumatic stress symptoms in Vietnam veterans and adult survivors of childhood s**ual ab*se. The study revealed that childhood s**ual ab*se is traumatizing and can result in symptoms comparable to symptoms from war-related trauma.” Hopper isn’t actually in Russia -but in one of the innerworlds (after he jumped through the rift of the machine- into Will’s mind). We’ll see flashbacks but also present circumstances of his imprisonment echo Will’s past with Lonnie (if the movies indicate anything)- being starved, guards getting payed in order to let other prisoners r*pe a gay prisoner (than claim incorrectly because of his sexuality he wanted it) , as well as a gang of sadist men who r**e others and a warden using that as a threat to be compliant , being thrown in a dark room of solitary confinement and starved when they didn’t obey the warden, the warden being religious, etc. And the American soldiers (in Vietnam) in the movies aren’t much better and do similarly horrific acts to civilians like r**e and bragging/ happily k*lling women, children, and the elderly. The drill sergant in vietnam calling them homophobic slurs & women, and chocking one of the soldiers with one hand (like the mf/russian), slapping one for not believing in christianity. Tying up a soldier in a bed , gagging him, beating him and saying “remember it’s just a dream.” Only praising them when good in fire arms.(movies : fullmetal jacket, papillon, shawshank redemption, platoon, welcome to marwen, etc ) . My assumption is flashbacks of his life- hints about him being an alter -the boxes in the basement are “vietnam” ,“dad”, and “ny” (and these are the memories of his we’ll see).or after escaping the prison he’s stuck in diff innerworlds of memories. And some of the bad characters in said stories will also parallel Lonnie . Like how in the s4 film ‘peterpan’- the young girl Wendy imagines netherland and the villain -captain hook- is based off her father ( in the movie they have the same voice actors/while in all stage productions the 2 characters are always played by the same actor). Similar to the other s4 film- ‘wizard of oz’ where the wicked witch of the west from the mythical land of Oz (is played by Dorothy’s real life mean neighbor in the real world/kansas).Or in ‘the cell’- all the alternate dimensions of the dream world that were created by a guy with a ab*sive h*mophobic dad -had the same actor play the villain in each very different dream dimension. ”Not sure if they’d use Ross Patridge (actor of Lonnie) in this way . But it would be very interesting if (In makeup) Ross played many negative people in Hopper’s life.

Also, in s2, Jonathan mentions Indiana writer Vonnegut- In his book ‘slaughterhouse 5′- Vonnegut begins the story of Billy (William) Pilgrim, a man who has “come unstuck in time”. (time ref of Hopper saying he wants to ‘turn back the clock.’ or’ runaway from his memories.‘It accounts of Billy Pilgrim’s capture and incarceration by the Germans during the last years of World War II (Hopper captured by the russians), and scattered throughout the narrative are episodes from Billy’s life with his dad, and his own wife and kids.Billy is forced to be part of the war and similar things against his free will. The moments start from his childhood when his father throws him in the water to teach him how to swim. He was unwillingly drafted into the war. Later, he is kidnapped by Tralfamadorians (aliens that are implied to be caused by his mental health issues/trauma) against his will. Therefore, he realizes that this concept is just an illusion.in bladerunner 2044/total recall it has the theme of false implanted memories… probably relating to hopper realizing he’s an alter and his memories are technically ‘created’ . Like in total recall- the bad ass spy is told all his memories: his wife/ years of marriage, his name, are just implanted memories. And she says “you’re life is a dream.” We also have ‘Arrival’ -the parent’s daughter died young cause of terminal cancer- and the mother later realizes time is also just a abstract construct (a thing she can experience differently than others), but she still finds meaning/happiness in those memories/times.

I also talked about how sarah as an alter could come back and the 2 would explore the “innerworlds” of Will’s mind together (you can read the details there).

El and Will theory

I’m thinking of the s4 movies and 1 matrix scene comes to mind that could be an obvious hint to Did (and Will’s importance). Mr smith (the suited calm villain/ who is a literal computer program of the matrix world -cough alter/npc of Will’s) kidnaps/ ties up Morpheus to a chair (like Will in s2), injects him with drugs in the neck ( like s3 steve/ will’s arm in s2). Then Mr smith says as everyone leaves the room “I’m going to be honest with you. I hate this place, this prison, this reality or what you call it.” (grabs Morpheus’ head and glares) “ I need to get out of here! I need to be free! And this mind is the key.”(referring to morpheus).morpheus also translates to ‘god of dreams’. Also Morpheus was wearing head gear similar to El in s1/Will in s2 . or in 12 monkeys the guy sent to psych ward -starts believing he’s just “crazy” and says “i created a world with those people in it.” “It’s not real .I’m just mentally ill, like you said ” when you know- it is all real,cause of the supernatural angle involved. in 12 monkeys a patient even tells him the fictional world he created would dissappear once his mental health was in order.

Then there’s the El stuff. Hellraiser 2- has a normal psych hospital, but the basement floor has an evil psychiatrist experimenting on teens to open a portal to another reality. assasains creed/dream warriors - has the psychiatric facility be similar to the s1 lab with sensory deprivation tanks, cameras, solitary confinement in dark rooms.The doctor experiments on them- and forces a character to go into the memories of another individual (we know El has memory powers).The dr reveals how the character’s reality/whole life isn’t what they think it is (and that the memories they saw with their powers-was their past life and they are that person’s reincarnation) . Aka Will is the host- and El is an alter (alters can see memories of other alters/the host irl-aka billy/terry were also alters ).

In assasain’s creed there’s 2 psychiatrists- one bad / one who is good (but influenced by the bad dr). One dr annoyed at the lack of progress, says about the patient “he doesn’t want to remember his father.” While one dr doesn’t want to rush the therapy/ the other dr wants the patient to go back into his memories regardless of how it affects him. (which could be Brenner & maybe Owens referring to Will’s dissociative-amnesia and not remembering all the ab*se Lonnie did. And Owens not wanting to rush it/hurt el by making her go into said memories …but Brenner not caring.

also other hints : Cough s4 using the movie wizard of oz refs “we’re not in Hawkins (kansas) anymore”-hint at russia. David on instagram posting st stuff and captioning it with and quotes, pretending to be dorothy from the film. Hopper in s1 saying hawkins lab was “emerald city” (referencing El- it’s also why they reference El entering our world in ep 1 and the alice in wonderland song plays) . Murray says about the supernatural “no one wants to see behind the curtain” (what was behind the curtain in wizard of oz-was a wizard aka Will). Or you know right before Will sees the mf for the first time -a clock turns rapidly/ he has goosbumps at the back of his neck. Which he later grabs/states are from “memories” he can’t remember that are like a “dream”.

If i’m right-not sure how much of this may happen in s4 vs s5, though. But I think something like this is possible. For all we know-Will/El being trapped with Brenner while Hopper escapes ‘russia’ could be how the season ends? The timeline i’m a bit iffy about-tbh.

#stranger things theory #will byers #el hopper #jim hopper #time theory #did theory

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wispforever · 3 years

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if youre still doing the character thing, how about spirit or marie?

I sure am. How about Spirit And Marie? Both wonderful characters. I’ll do Marie first, then Spirit. Thanks for the excuse to infodump, really. You people are too kind.

Marie Mjolnir

My first impression of Marie was the same impression I get of most female characters in anime. It’s either “why do their clothes have to look like that” or “oh god here comes the obligatory sexist heteronormative romance”. For Marie, it was more of the second. They mention in the same episode she’s introduced that Stein is her “first love”, which told me that if she had a large place in the plot, her assigned male counterpart around which to orbit would be him. Though I’ve never read the Soul Eater manga, I believe they do end up getting together there (I could be wrong). Whatever the case, I was relieved that Marie’s and Stein’s relationship (though heavily implied to be romantic, at least on Marie’s side) was left open to interpretation in the anime. I’m just very sick of cool badass female characters like Marie being reduced to the man they pine after. So, I guess my first impression of Marie and my impression of her now are largely the same. While I appreciate the moments we get to see her strengths and ability to operate on her own, I do think that her character really suffers because of the whole sexist “oh gosh all I want is to find a husband and retire” “oh my I have to take care of Stein” like okay, I had enough at the cat girl smothering Soul with her humungo-tits. I had enough at sexualizing underage girls and women in general. I had enough at making sexual harassment a punchline. That being said, when we push all of the shitty writing to the side, I admire Marie for her strength and how she interacts with the children, Crona in particular. Which leads me to my favorite moment(s).

The relationship Crona and Marie have interests me the most, since I’m really drawn to the parallels between Marie and Medusa. As parental figures (and as characters), they’re about as different as you can get. As Crona’s mother, Medusa is obviously abusive. Along with being negligent, she abuses Crona mentally, emotionally, and physically. In general, Medusa is a person who doesn’t appear to value interpersonal relationships, putting it nicely. She instead is more focused on her own interests, often to the detriment of those around her. Crona is Medusa’s only immediate family (besides Arachne who she is estranged from), and so they suffer the most from her refusal to show even a shred of human decency or warmth. They suffer especially because they are her child, meaning they’re stuck with her essentially, and repetivie abuse between family members like a mother and child often becomes complex because of the necessity of having a parental figure in your life to support you as you grow up. Medusa teaches Crona that their boundaries don’t matter and that they are only good as long as they are useful and do as they’re told. This is what makes Marie’s influence on Crona so cool to watch. Marie is caring by nature, loving and nurturing by nature. Her very wavelegnth is healing. She is kind and does what’s right reflexively. Marie is the exact embodiment of what Crona always needed but what, even upon being rescued by the academy, still felt so foreign to them: unconditional love. Crona struggles to understand why the other kids helped them, why Maka felt the inclination to stop their battle and save Crona instead by trying to understand them, why the kids are still so kind to them even after everything. They do not understand that love is not a bargaining chip. It isn’t leverage in an argument. It’s not a tool for emotional manipulation. Love is caring for the people close to you, just because. Love for the sake of love. The other kids and teachers at the academy are the ones who are able to pull Crona out of all Medusa’s lies, and Marie is a Huge part of that. Even though I have greivances with this being the largest part of her character and what that implies for female characters in general, it doesn’t stop being so beautiful to me that she could help Crona heal in this way. Marie = best mom for the win

Most of the story ideas I have for Marie involve her relationship with Crona or Stein. Say, this covers my unpopular opinion too. I don’t like Stein and Marie as a couple, but I really enjoy writing them as friends, because even though I don’t really jive with them being together romantically, I think their dynamic is an interesting one to explore because they Are so different.

Getting into that a little bit more, I’d like to start by saying I don’t care if other people like Stein and Marie being a couple. That’s great doods, keep doing you. The fanart’s adorable, the meta’s fantastic. Whoever you are, SteinMarie shippers, ffs keep kicking ASS. This is just my preference and opinion. Zero shade in this house. That said, because of my frustrations about Marie’s character I discussed in the first paragraph, I don’t like the idea of her and Stein being together romantically. It’s really a classic sexist trope: the troubled man and his sweet nurse. I’m also just fed up in general with the hetero-nonsense, so there. However, they are both wonderful characters that I enjoy very much seperately. Also, I think it’s worth mentioning that I’ve only seen the anime, so I can’t speak for the manga as far as their relationship or Marie’s character in general.

Oh shit I accidentally already talked about this one lmao [see the second paragraph]

One headcanon I like to think about when I’m writing Marie is that she likes women (in addition to men or not) and she struggles with comphet. Just something interesting I like to think about. It’s really fun for me to take characters who have been written as pining or had 10 million failed relationships and be like “say what if they can’t find a husband cuz really what they really need is a wife”. I’ll talk about that more with Spirit inevitably.

Spirit Albarn

My first impression of Spirit, obviously him being a cheater, really came with a lot of distaste. I come from a family that was torn apart by infidelity, among other things, so it really rubs me the wrong way. However, his saving grace for me was that he genuinely loves his daughter. It appears that, whether it’s played for laughs or not, he just can’t find fulfillment in his romantic relationships. The reason is left up to the veiwers. Spirit, ultimately, is not just a shitty person, which is how most cheaters are protrayed in media. “Well, they cheated because they don’t care if they hurt people”, “they cheated because they are shit and that’s it”. That’s a fine explanation if you plan to do nothing with whatever character you’re describing, but Spirit is relatively recurring and is shown to be neither mean-spirited or emotionally unintelligent. It bothers me that his cheating and routine sexist behaviour isn’t taken seriously enough to be a subject that Soul Eater tackles and deals with. But that’s fine. I’ll just do it myself. At any rate, I still feel that same way about Spirit’s character, but I find it intriguing that he seems to genuinely want to become a better father and is actually a pretty good dad when it comes to his interactions with Maka. If Soul Eater had been brave enough to develop him more, maybe delve into the reasoning behind his impulsive romantic affairs, I think Spirit as a character could have been done more justice. It seems to me that he could be suffering from some of that wonderful compulsory heterosexuality that I mentioned before, then becoming confused when the woman he claims to love leaves him feeling empty. Rattling my gay little cage

When I think of my favorite moments with Spirit, I think of his moments with Maka, but I’m gonna hold off on that until I get to favorite relationship(s). In reference to what I talked about in the first paragraph, one moment I find really interesting when I’m thinking about my interpretation of Spirit’s character is the scene where he and Maka are on the roof talking. Maka asks Spirit why he cheated on her mother if he did, in fact, love her. He doesn’t appear to know the answer, and he doesn’t really understand how to effectively communicate that, though he was shitty husband, what he really wants now is to try and be a better dad. We hear his inner monologue, and he says something like “I love you [Maka] and your mama. That’s the truth. That’s the truth. That’s the truth.” Every time he says “its the truth” it sounds more like he’s forcing it. This is actually something that is SO strange to me. Even if I didn’t project a queer narrative on to the characters I love, I would look at this and be like “huh that is a Weird thing to say in that specific way”. Why does he say it like that? Why does he have to say it more than once? He’s only talking to HIMSELF. It isn’t like he’s trying to convince Maka. Why does he have to convince himself?? Could it possibly be because he’s reached a conclusion about his romantic/sexual orientation that he’s been trying to swallow his Entire Life??? makes ya wonder, doesn’t it, queers?

Just like I said when I talked about Stein, most of the stories I have in mind with Spirit center around that sweet gayness. But also, I like to think of ways Spirit could come to terms with his sexuality, how it might have affected him when he was young, his relationship with all these women, with his wife. I love to think about him being a dad at 18 and trying his best, but how much responsibility that must have been. Lots of great ideas when it comes to Spirit.

Um? unpopular opinion would be all the standard like I said with Stein lmao. “Oh no!” scream the heteros, “that they/them on tumblr is making Soul Eater queer we canst not allow that in our church!!!111!” But besides that, maybe even the fact that I think he’s redeemable?? Idk most everyone I’ve met thinks Spirit is funny at least and just calls him a dumbass and a slut (affectionate). Doesn’t mean anybody thinks cheating on your wife 56 times is okay so. I like this fandom, it’s chill here. My favorite is when I see my art tagged like “aw the stupid man and his crazy bf” like YOU ARE RIGHT

My favorite relationship when it comes to Spirit (besides Stein cuz if I start talking about them again I’ll never finish this ask) is the one he has with Maka. If you can call it a relationship lol. I guess I just find Spirit’s approach to Maka as a parent really refreshing. Not that the parents in other shows don’t love their kids or whatever, it’s just that the loving parent always seems to be paired with some other trope that makes their character hard to approach. especially in anime. Like the perfect mother who dies in the first episode, and we spend the rest of the show mourning her. Or the father whose love is somehow everlasting even though he’s never home. It’s really the fact that Spirit is even THERE that I love. He knows what Maka is up to. He talks about her. He’s invested in her life, and he loves her. All he wants is to spend time with her, and though he’s sad when she turns him down, he doesn’t push her. god dammit I just like a dad who actually loves his kids without all the usual strings attached like. oh my kids are a huge pain in my ass, but I love them in spite of it. oh i’m a man so can’t relate to my children in a meaningful way but i try. Get the fuck outta here with that shit. I want all the dads to get so happy when their daughters wanna hang with them that they throw up like Spirit. Give me the guy who loves his daughter so naturally, whose daughter is such a huge part of his life, that it doesn’t even occur to him stop trying even if she literally wants to murder him. That’s Spirit. jfc

To end with a cute little headcanon, I really love to think that when Spirit gets older and starts losing the color in his hair, instead of getting white or grey, his hair turns a pale pink color cuz he’s such an aggressive redhead. Wouldn’t that just be adorable? late 30′s, early 40′s, Spirit starts getting little pink streaks in his hair and then bam. Little pink old man Spirit XD

There ya have it. Thanks for the ask, and feel free to send more.

#Soul Eater #Ask #Ask game #anon #Marie Mjolnir #Spirit Albarn #this is wisp

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rappaccini · 3 years

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In your Allison meta about assimilation you mentioned that in the show there was (accidentally) parallels between powers and queerness and being ordinary and heteronormative. Could you expand more on it, please?

oooh i have wanted to YELL about this for a long time

so like... off the bat, talking queercoding and the siblings... it's accidental, but based on what we have to work with, every single hargreeves is queer:

luther

luther's devotion to allison rings a lot of bells for demi/asexuality. being indifferent about sex with anyone but allison (to such an extent that the only time he fucks, he's absolutely out of it on drugs and seems uncomfortable with it after the fact), being totally uninterested in starting a relationship with anyone but her?

luther totally losing out on his adolescence because of being stuck in a house with an abusive parental figure who won't let him express himself sexually (see: how reginald shuts his date with allison down), and then overdoing it as an adult to compensate for the time he lost

his body dysphoria

luther is literally unable to pass as a 'normal' man [read: as a cis man] because of a traumatic surgery his abusive guardian inflicted on him without his consent, trying to 'fix him,' and only succeeding in making him feel profoundly isolated from everyone and convinced no one will ever love him because of his body

(and then getting fetishized by that rave girl for said body)

what i'm getting at is, luther is a prime candidate for a narrative about being intersex.

(him being trans is also a valid reading, though i don't go there because the optics of the man with the post-op mutilated gorilla body being trans are just... too bad for me to be comfortable with. just my opinion though)

diego

the very homoerotic charge to his rivalry with luther (do you want to fight him, diego, or do you want to fuck him?)

add that to diego's narrative skeleton: he claims to be totally over the abuse and the only one who's broken free of reginald, yet he's a wannabe cop who is the only one of them still crimefighting. he's lying to himself about a lot and he does it by performing toxic masculinity.

notice how in season one, diego makes a big show of How Totally Into His Ex He Is Did We Mention We Fucked in public, while in private being the most physically and emotionally intimate with klaus?

and notice how he doesn't deal with that toxic masculinity at all, and his gf in season 2 has klaus's mannerisms and humor? who straight-up tells him 'you want someone to peg you [fuck your ass] and you're in denial.'

basically, diego feels prime for metaphor about how toxic masculinity goes hand in hand with performing heterosexuality and repressing queerness (if anyone in this group of characters is straight-up gay, it's him)

allison

allison's story is about assimilation versus liberation, which is a dichotomy queer people find themselves on constantly

specifically, allison's ability to pass as an ordinary woman, and her having done so at least twice for her own survival, seen through a queer lens, means her plotline discusses the complications of being a queer/bisexual woman who can pass for straight, who tries to assimilate into greater heteronormative culture, thinking it will make her safe and happy, only for it to lead to pain for her the second her sexuality becomes known to her straight partners

using her rumor in sexual situations, as she's canonically done with patrick (whether she coerced sex directly from him or not, tricking him into a romantic relationship means they're gonna fuck) and as raymond accuses her of doing, could be read as allegory for the 'predatory/manipulative bisexual' stereotype-- how the mere presence of bisexuality leads to accusations of cheating or manipulation, and how sometimes we do use our sexuality in less-than-pale ways-- especially in order to pass as straight.

allison's relationship with luther, someone who cannot pass as 'ordinary' [read: as straight], is literally illegal in texas in 1963, and there are a lot of intersections between how interracial and queer couples are treated.

klaus

i mean he's textually queer, and has a gender nonconforming presentation (and in the comics, where these things originated, he literally has a scene where he stares luther in the face and goes 'why does the way i dress make you think i'm gay' when luther questions why klaus had an affair with a woman)

but aside from that, his power speaks to fluidity as a whole. seeing beyond a veil, being a conduit between two worlds, even possession is in both show and comic explicitly linked to sex

it makes sense that the man who can't differentiate between living and dead half the time doesn't care at all about the trappings of gender

essentially his story speaks to gender/sexuality fluidity, how presentation affects how people let you move through the world and who they assume you are, and exploring how malleable the categories we sort ourselves into really are

five

his discomfort with his too-young body as a dysphoria reading

five having to 'go through puberty twice' to get the body he wants, and his being swayed to join the commission with the promise of a brand new body that matches how he looks on the inside + the struggle of being taken seriously when you don't quite pass as what you are

but does gender even exist when the world ends? what's it like to grow up in a world with no one to tell you what to conform to, and then return to one that sticks you in a gendered uniform and tells you what you look like determines how you'll be perceived?

his power. like with klaus, simply ignoring barriers and boundaries. leaping through them at ease and at will. (and having his abusive father try to control the way he does so)

... and potentially, his regrettable time leap can be read as a detransition metaphor: he thought this would be what makes everything click, but it wasn't. he still hasn't found where he needs to be.

ben

off the top of my head, how asian masculinity and queerness can tie in with feeling invisible or overlooked in favor of dave other men who are considered more conventionally masculine

his relationship with his tentacles (a... 'portal' in his body that makes him viscerally uncomfortable and potentially tore him apart, said portal in action making others horrified of him) as an allegory for dysphoria

... and ben sticking around by klaus's side for years, refusing to move on to stay close with him. that shit's gay as hell.

vanya

vanya's repression of her powers can easily be read as a repression of her sexuality-- especially with her being isolated from the other [queer] kids, and put on a medication that gets rid of her libido

and vanya's emergence of her powers is linked inextricably to the emergence of her sexuality-- the person who awakens them is her love interest, and the first time the audience knows vanya's powers are out and here to stay is when vanya fucks leonard at the end of 1x05, when the sound of her orgasm literally cracks the window.

yes, i'm counting her awakening her sexuality through her feelings for a man, because queer people who aren't gay exist and matter too, not that this fandom understands that.

it's allegory for awakening repressed queerness-- not uwu lesbianness. i mean queer as in rough, ugly, undesirable, unconventional and defying labels. a sexuality that makes people (straight and gay) feel frightened because they can't pin it down. and when they get frightened they either try to shove it in a box, medicate it away, or destroy it.

(i mean in the comics, the girl literally destroys the world totally naked. the sexuality is confrontational, in your face, and unpalatable. it's not for you, it's for her.)

as it relates to the show, aside from all of that and in a more general sense,

the concept of the 43(ish, in the show) themselves. children who are unwanted and abnormal/strange. with strange, being a literal synonym for 'queer' and the knowledge that these children are abandoned or surrendered for their strangeness... yeah. the 43 themselves are queer.

pseudo-incest is queer. it's how queer people used to game the system to get familial benefits before gay marriage was even a remote possibility.

the show as a whole functions as a found family narrative. the 'wrong,' strange, unwanted kids who've had to put up with a disproportionate amount of trauma, who the rest of the world won't understand, coming together to make their own family on their own terms.

the only 'ordinary' child, vanya, is the only one left out. aka the presumed-straight kid who was left out of the queer friend group.

in a certain sense, vanya publishing her book and airing all the family's dirty laundry can be read as her outing them (especially allison, given how carefully she'd reshaped her image to avoid discussion of her rumor)

the fact that ben stuck around by klaus's side for years when he clearly didn't need to, and is clearly jealous when klaus starts trying to conjure dave, and when he makes a giant poly sex cult that he favors over him.

allison's assimilation being tied (twice) to marrying cishet men and conforming to their societies' conventional family structures, and it going up in flames when her [queer pals] family show up in her life again, revealing to raymond that she's [queer] from the future.

sissy marrying carl to align with compulsory heterosexuality, the exact same way allison married raymond to get an in with the south dallas community.

the vanya/sissy sexual affair having a parallel in allison and luther getting real emotionally intimate over that exact same span of time.

the way allison and sissy both leave their husbands-who-they-married-because-societal-cues for their [queer] lovers by leaving them notes

the way allison and sissy both glam up hard for their husbands in makeup, dresses and heels, but don pants and subtle/no makeup when they are dressing for themselves

vanya having amnesia that makes her unaware of her powers [read: re-closets her]... which reawaken as she develops a sexual relationship with sissy, who has a literal coming out plot that vanya facilitates, which leads to vanya's arrest, torture and the revival of her memories [her rediscovering her queerness]

the show refers to possession in sexual terms. klaus describes it as such. in that sense, klaus bottoms and ben is a literal possessive boyfriend.

ben refusing to go into the light specifically to stay with klaus because he loves him that much (and asks vanya, the only other textually queer character, to tell klaus that)

the way allmond is pure patriarchal heteronormativity: a husband and wife, who stays at home, wears heels even in the house, takes his name, supports his work (and only socializes with his friends), lets him take credit for her work (the sit-in was her labor, but he's somehow the leader of it) and they live in domestic bliss..... until allison encounters a [queer] old flame, falls hard and in the span of a single week leaves her husband for that old flame and her old queer friend group.

the way vissy is the most palatable, straight-friendly vision of a f/f relationship: a femme blonde housewife in pink having her sexuality awakened by a brunette tomboy/androgynous woman in blue who takes the initiative in the relationship (literally color coded), having nonkinky sex occasionally and raising a sweet child on a farm safely out of sight, and even being ready to drop all and move to Gay California (again, out of sight of the greater community). what is this, diet bly manor? .... it's assimilationist-gay, the kind of queerness that straight people approve of because it matches up with how they live. because it's as heteronormative as queer can get. and it implodes because vanya's powers [queerness] aren't made for that kind of life. because this isn't her world, and she can't be truly happy here.

the way that all the non-43/43 relationships crash and burn, because raymond and sissy can't handle allison and vanya's way of living and powers [queerness and queer lifestyle], and diego/lila survives because 'she's one of us 43ers' [read: she's queer too]

literally allison and vanya leave their monogamous lovers to go off and live dangerously with a queer commune.

it's everywhere. basically the vibe is that the 43 are all queer people and the umbrella academy are one big queer polycule.

it's accidental because if tuatv had intended for the show to be an extended queerness metaphor,

raymond, the guy who immediately accuses allison of tricking him into loving her with her rumor [bisexuality] wouldn't be framed as such a wholesome, perfect good dude who is Always Right.

they probably wouldn't have spent s2 joining in on the 'haha look at luther's gross disgusting fucked-up body' parade

they definitely wouldn't have several scenes where carl refers to vanya's queerness as 'a disease that is catching' right as vanya literally spreads her powers to harlan by putting her mouth over his... and essentially proves him and that rhetoric right.

they definitely wouldn't have written the crux of s2's vissy plot as sissy literally responding to vanya 'coming out' as a superhuman-- after vanya helped sissy herself come out and accept herself-- by saying 'you corrupted my child. this is too much for me, i'm leaving you. but hey, if you get your powers [queerness] under wraps and start behaving like the vanya i fell in love with [the closeted vanya], then you can come back to me.'

the way they wrote klaus (especially in s2) and vanya in s2 tells you they definitely didn't mean it that way. if that's how they handle their textually queer characters (either you're a punchline or sappy awards bait), no way can they actually write subtext that's a complex, subtle allegory about queerness.

it was definitely accidental, but i'm taking it.

#asks #lady-with-a-deathwish #tua meta #tua salt #tua tv #harkids

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hawkinsschoolcounselor · 3 years

Note

Two things I've been curious for an outside opinion on-- 1. do you think Robin's gonna come out to anyone in s4? obviously there's more to her than being a lesbian, but since it's pretty much confirmed that she's working with Nancy to investigate Pennhursts (the mental institution), I wouldn't be surprised if it came up. 2. Do you think El's gonna make it through the rest of the show without dying? I've had a bad feeling since the season one finale, personally. love your blog btw!

Sorry it’s taken me so long to answer. The school year makes it hard for me to find the time to put any real effort into these, and I refuse to do a half-assed job of it. Thank you for reading my thoughts. It really means a lot to me that people take the time to read my boring walls of text.

First, yeah, I would expect Robin to come out to more characters. It’d be weird if she didn’t, and it would make for some very awkward moments. It’s true that this would fit the setting of a conservative 80s town, but a secret like that can only be kept for so long when you’re close to people. If she really does spend a lot of time with Nancy, I expect it to come out one way or another. Nancy may think they’re dating, leading to her giving Robin “advice” on how to handle a relationship with Steve. There’s only so much bobbing and weaving someone can do while closeted before suspicions start to grow. This could be a good opportunity for the show to address personal agency in the coming out process, and how easily that can be taken away from someone.

One possible explanation that some may overlook is Steve. As much as we love our magnificently maned man, he’s not the brightest guy in the world. I can see him accidentally letting something slip that outs her. Someone might suggest that he, or some other guy, is perfect for Robin, leading to him making an off-hand comment that she’s not into guys. He’d say it without any malice or judgment, but then the secret would be out nonetheless. Him accidentally outing Robin could be a source of conflict that fractures and weakens the bonds of the party, setting up opportunity for the villains of the season to make a move.

There’s also always the possibility that Mike finds out. He’d need a good gay role model if he’s to come to terms with his feelings for Will. I’m not sure how he’d find out, but it could possibly be one of the above. The most direct way for this to happen is for Mike to be told Robin’s gay as a result of him revealing his feelings, but that’s not very realistic. Mike wouldn’t really have anyone he’d feel comfortable talking to about that unless he REALLY learns to trust someone. If Nancy did learn about Robin, and she was accepting of it, then it could be a plot device to allow her to give her brother the unconditional love that he’ll need. They’ve teased their brother/sister relationship since season 1, but they’ve yet to move past their antagonistic dynamic. Perhaps something like this would let them finally bond.

As for your second question, I don’t think El will die. At least, she won’t die in the traditional sense. I suppose that really comes down to whether one believes the DID theory, and that El is an alter of Will. In that case, she may reintegrate, which isn’t dying. I’m not 100% on that theory, but, I have to admit, it is very compelling, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out true.

The first season ended the way it did because the original plan didn’t account for a guaranteed multi-season run. They had a rough idea for a second season taking place ten or so years later. When the show became a smash hit, they decided to adjust their plans for multiple seasons. El was also a breakout character, so they worked her back into the story. They’ve since worked to build her a backstory, while also having her suffer tragedy. Giving her a sad ending would just be cruel and unnecessary. The same goes for Will. They’ve been paralleled with each other since the beginning, particularly through their suffering. They deserve happiness.

#stranger things #stranger things 4 #robin buckley #eleven #steve harrington #mike wheeler #nancy wheeler #will byers

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boxoftheskyking · 4 years

Text

This is why you should watch the Untamed

TO BEGIN WITH:

“In this time of uncertainty” (to quote a Bud Light commercial), what you want is something with enough episodes to get invested in, enough characters to occupy your thoughts and feelings, things to cry about but also plenty of sweetness and goofiness. So here is my list:

(I’m only on Episode 40 and I didn’t think very much before making this list)

(I did not expect to really like this show as much as I do and I look forward to rewatching it as soon as I am finished which I actually rarely do)

-50 episodes, 40 min each, so it’s enough to take up a good chunk of time, but it’s done so you don’t have to wait for another season.

-Equal parts wacky supernatural shit, Mysteries, and devastating Medieval tragedy (I could go on and on with Arthurian Parallels bc that’s a thing I sometimes study but I won’t right now)

-Tendernessss so much tenderness

-Everybody gets an arc! It’s well done.

-Xiao zhan’s face (Look, it was a gifset of WWX smiling that made me watch the show in the first place and I am not ashamed. that’s just good marketing.) (Also, as we say the biz, the guy’s got Genuine Chops.)

-So many stairs

-I don’t know if that’s a selling point for you but there are just so many stairs

-Listen you hear a lot about how they had to deal with censorship so they adapated a Very Explicitly Queer novel into something No Explicitly Queer. Which is true. But speaking as an American, this is more Queer Romance than I’ve seen on TV in a while (Also you can find translations of the novel online and they Bang A Lot)

-You will learn interesting linguistic things. And that helps stave off dementia

-Every family is a found family

-Everyone pretends to be stoic but no one actually is

-Does not pull punches when it comes to dark and upsetting plotlines. I used to compare it to Merlin bc of delightful magical intrigue but it is Not for Children

-Every 10 episodes the tone changes entirely but then as soon as you're lulled back into This is Fun it gives you something tremendously distressing

-Sets up an interesting political and magical structure so your hero can challenge it

-An actual villain’s-not-such-a-villain story (K*lo Ren wishes he were WWX)

All my fave fanfic tropes including: -very sober character gets very drunk and shows emotion. Also a Chicken heist. -accidental baby acquisition -build your home out of Nothing -everyone is Devoted to someone and it's so painful

-Weird magic involving nails to the brain

-So much self sacrifice!

-Complicated feelings about Nemeses

-You can carry a ghost in a bag

-Everyone can fly

-Everyone is Beautiful

-That one time the kid’s jaw drops and a piece of chicken splats down into his bowl and the other kids picks it up and shoves it back in his mouth that shit was hilarious

-Supervillain whose main motivation is candy?

-Lotsa zombies

-A+ production design, everything is beautiful

-Great fake blood work

-Terrible cgi

-Wei wuxian’s little paper doll talismans!!!

-Immensely romantic. I cannot express the levels of romance

Things to know (thank you to everyone who explained to this foolish American blogger):

-there are time jumps. Kind of like the Witcher, you have to stick with it to put it all together. But it does tell you when it's jumping

-Wei Wuxian = wwx = Wei Ying = Yiling Patriarch = ends up in Mo Xuanyu's body A creature of chaos and sunshine. To quote that line from the Mummy script, You are Going to Fall in Love with Him. He's not really evil he's doing his best. Mad bisexual icon which means I identify too much (as a mad bisexual myself)

-Lan Wangji = lwj = Lan Zhan = Hanguan Jun Has a lot of feelings once you know how to look for them. You know those old folk tales where the hero's love dies and they sit by the grave and turn into a tree? That's him. Likes rabbits. Extremely wistful.

-Jiang Wanyin = Jiang Cheng Full of rage. I yell at him a lot

-Jiang Yanli = Shijie To pure for any world. Belongs in the bon appetit test kitchen, not on a battlefield

-Wen Ning = the ghost general A baby who is also a demon. Deserves better. Runs on devotion

-Wen Qing She’ll fuck you up but you'll deserve it. The bro to end all bros

-A-Yuan = I'm not telling A baby/a turnip

-Lan Sizhui A good boy

-Jing Ling = Jin Rulan A little shit. Could use one (1) good ass kicking for character development reasons

-Nie Huaisang Not Cut Out For This, but a bro who will lend you his good porn. So.

-Mianmian Underappreciated in her Time

-Song Zichen = Song Lan & Xiao Xingchen

Don't talk to me, I hurt. The original Danger Gays

-Xue Yang A Problem

-A-Jing A little shit. Deserves better

-i can't remember all of Yao's names but he’s a shifty lil fuck I don't trust for one minute

That’s all I can think of right now but give it a try. You’ll have fun and then around ep 16 you’ll realize how invested you’ve become

Also the fic is bomb as hell

#the untamed #I've never made one of these posts before I don't know how they work

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lonestarbabe · 4 years

Text

Holding Out For a Hero

Chapter 6: Levitating (AO3)

T.K. feels a little better, but then he feels a little worse

Carlos

The tour had been going well to Carlos’ surprise. Carlos had thought that might cancel it and send T.K. to rehab after the disastrous interview with that bastard Jenkins, but after vowing to never leave his house again in a fit of humiliation and self-hate, T.K. came around and had been adamant about not letting Jenkins drag him down. The story had been all over for weeks, enduring longer than most stories about T.K. did. Judd had been especially anxious. He’d had to make a lot of calls for damage control, and even when the calls were done, Judd still worried about T.K.’s mental health. He insisted T.K. see someone about it and had sent Carlos to hang out with T.K. on several occasions when Judd had business to attend to or Marjan was at work. Marjan had been practically living there. For once, T.K. didn’t seem to mind the hovering.

T.K. hadn’t wanted to face the world, Carlos had decided that T.K. could lock himself in his mansion all he wanted, but he couldn’t lock himself away from the people who cared about him, including Carlos because somewhere along the way, maybe pretty much right away, Carlos had liked T.K. Sometimes, he’d liked him for unfathomable things. Yet, T.K. was one of those people who was fun to be around when he wasn’t getting high and fucking dudes who used him like he was a piece of meat. After a few days of warranted upset, T.K. decided to take charge of his life, and he had Carlos bring him to Judd for an action plan. T.K. had gotten so sick after that meeting; after a night of wallowing, he’d decided that he wasn’t going to touch substances again. He was going to cut them all out cold turkey, and while Carlos was skeptical, T.K. seemed resolved to do it. Maybe too resolved. I know better than anyone that people who seem better aren’t always better. Taylor wasn’t, and he was smiling more than ever.

Taylor was a completely different situation, and Carlos didn’t want to draw parallels where they didn’t belong. I don’t even want to think about Taylor. He didn’t want to project his past issues onto T.K. because that would only prevent him from doing his job, but even so, he didn’t want to let himself get too comfortable. From a young age, when there was little that he could control, he’d learned that the key to having control was being vigilant, not having too much hope, and expecting the worst. It’s a sucky outlook on life, but it’s the only one that I’ve got. I just need to remember that T.K. is not Taylor. He’s just a client, a client that I have soft spot for, but I can’t act like I have any right to get too involved.

They’d only been to five stops so far, but T.K. had been a delight, which had made Carlos feel like he was an episode of the Twilight Zone because Judd had explicitly said that tour T.K. was a nightmare, but the tour T.K. he’d seen was eerily dreamy. Carlos had gone to Judd about it, thinking that maybe T.K. was only acting so strange because it was the beginning of the tour. As was true every time that he went to Judd, Judd had basically patted him on the shoulder and told Carlos that he was doing excellent work. He’d shrugged and said, “Maybe it’s the new therapist,” which was also weird to Carlos. T.K. had accepted Grace’s carefully compiled lists of therapists without even making a snarky comment. He’d said thanks and gave Judd a big smile despite the way his hands been shaking. Sometimes the scariest problems were the ones that you couldn’t see. I can’t protect him from things he doesn’t share no matter how hard I try.

Carlos was hanging out around T.K. in T.K.’s dressing room, and it wasn’t because he needed to be there. He had other security measures that he could tend to, but they had a whole security team who would make sure things were taken care of, and T.K. had asked him to be there. For whatever reason, Carlos couldn’t find it in him to say that he was busy or that he didn’t think it was a good idea to get any more buddy-buddy than they already are. He’d relented when T.K. smiled at him. How pathetic is that? Disarmed by a single smile. Carlos couldn’t help that a happy T.K. was kind of the best person in the world.

Some of T.K.’s friends were there too. Well, Marjan and some of her friends from work who had tagged along to see T.K. at the LA show. They all seemed like cool people. He and Marjan had already gotten to know each other, and she was a good influence on T.K. Paul and Mateo seemed like upright people too. They told a bunch of stories about the calls they got, most of them regarding idiots who got hurt or set accidental fires. Carlos had stories of his own to share, excluding any names of course. He hadn’t had a lot of gigs but any one of them came with a funny story or two.

T.K. quietly listened, looking at ease. He didn’t add any stories of his own, even at Paul’s prodding. “Come on, you’re like the most popular singer in the world right now, and you don’t have any good stories.”

Marjan rolled her eyes. “Don’t get him started. Once T.K. starts talking about himself, he doesn’t stop.”

“Hey,” T.K. replied lightly, “that’s not true.”

Mateo nodded. “Yeah, I haven’t heard him say one thing about himself.” It wasn’t that T.K. had been a silent wallflower, but Carlos had noticed it too. He said a lot without saying much at all. Sometimes, when he was feeling out of his element, T.K. would only give vague details about himself, and maybe it was because he had to be careful about who he told what, but Marjan’s friends were probably safe. If they ever blabbed, Marjan would probably make sure that they never spoke again. They seemed earnest too, and while Carlos couldn’t just look at someone and know that they were okay, he had a pretty good eye for people who just wanted something and those who were sincere. His dad had been the former type, so he knew a thing or two about people who were just nice when they wanted you to do something for them without returning the favor. Dad convinced me to miss my prom to help him with one of his schemes, and then he couldn’t even show up to my high school graduation.

“What can I say? I lead a boring life.” He slung his arm over Carlos’ shoulder. T.K. loved casual touches, and they drove Carlos crazy in an “I need more” kind of way. It would be so easy to get engulfed in the ocean that is T.K. Strand.

“Oh come on, Strand,” Marjan said. “Tell them about the time you spilled tea on the Queen of England.”

“Wait what?” Mateo asked, eyes widening. Carlos had heard that story once when T.K. was high. T.K. had been laughing his ass off and Carlos had just been trying to keep him from doing

Paul added in, “You really let us talk about a dude getting his junk stuck in a piece of wood when you spilled tea on the Queen of England.” He was laughing heartily at the thought.

“That story is a lot better than meeting a rich old lady. I’m pretty boring, believe it or not.” And I’m Swedish royalty. If T.K. was boring, Carlos’ job would have been a lot easier.

“It’s not as funny as that time you tripped going onto the stage at the VMA’s.”

“Marjan, did you really have to bring up my most humiliating moment?” By the way, T.K. was grinning, Carlos didn’t think he was all that humiliated by it.

Carlos nudged T.K. with his elbow, “You nearly fell off the stage Wednesday when you were singing Bitter Honey.”

“That was bad, but that’s not more humiliating than when you puked on stage?”

“I didn’t puke on stage. I went off stage.”

“Everyone could still see you, Strand.”

“I was what? Fifteen? I was doing my best.” Carlos couldn’t imagine being under the public eye at fifteen.

“Ouch. Fifteen is a hard age for everyone,” Mateo said.

“Being fifteen sucks,” Paul commented, a darkness in his eyes.

“It sure does,” T.K. agreed. Carlos nodded. A lot of shit had happened when Carlos was fifteen. A lot of shit happened every other year as well, but at fifteen things have a way of feeling extra shitty. Fifteen had been when Carlos had told his parents that he was gay, and honestly, nothing had changed. They didn’t care about him enough to care that he was gay. T.K. glanced at Carlos, looking nervous.

“I came out when I was fifteen,” Carlos said without thinking. It wasn’t like T.K. didn’t know that Carlos was gay, but they’d never much talked about gayness, so it felt strange to Carlos to talk about it, and maybe that meant that he wasn’t talking about it enough.

“I was eighteen,” T.K. said. Technically, T.K. hadn’t come out, he’d been outed by a thirty-year-old asshole who he’d been “dating,” Carlos used the word lightly because clearly a thirty-year-old with a fresh-faced eighteen-year-old doesn’t feel right. T.K. hadn’t even gotten his GED yet. The news about T.K. being gay had been everywhere. Even Carlos had heard about it, and Michelle always joked about his lack of pop culture awareness. “I don’t know if I could’ve handled being out at fifteen. My career might have plummeted.”

“When I realized I was bi a few years ago, I thought it was the end of the world. I thought that there was no reason to come out, but I’m so grateful that I had a best friend who shook some sense into me.” She gave T.K. a fist bump. “Now, I can’t believe I didn’t know I was sooner.”

“Accepting yourself can be the hardest part. My parents were very accepting of all kinds of people, so I think they would have been okay with me being trans, but even then, coming out felt like the worst thing in the world. My parents died before I told them, so I wish I’d been able to tell them, but it is what it is.” The conversation’s taking a dark tone, but T.K. seemed more interested in this than anything else.

T.K. gave a sympathetic look, face growing weary. “Sorry man, that sucks. It’s hard when you don’t have time to tell people what you need to say. I wish I’d been able to tell my…um… my dad, but sometimes life doesn’t give you that choice, and it never doesn’t suck.”

Marjan looked to Carlos, sagging slightly. She and Carlos are both concerned. They both know that the word dad doesn’t roll off T.K.’s tongue easily, and the feeling in the room shifts because of it. It’s gotten quiet and T.K.’s easy-going demeanor has receded just enough that Carlos is starting to feel anxious. One little thing can easily cause T.K. to spiral, and T.K.’s been okay lately, but he may be living on borrowed happiness. Don’t let this be an incident. Take charge of this before you lose control of the situation, Carlos. T.K. was getting fidgety, and Carlos was scrambling to find a way to calm him.

“Marj, don’t go all quiet on me. A little dead dad talk isn’t going to throw me over the edge.” Except it did last time his dad was mentioned. T.K.’s not angry, not right now, probably because Paul and Mateo were in the room, but his tone was too forced and sounds passive aggressively angry. Basically, everyone knew to dread carefully. I need to defuse this situation before it gets worse. If T.K. catches the uncomfortable glances that Paul and Mateo are sharing, he’ll freak out, so Carlos called T.K.’s name, making T.K. look over to him. T.K.’s eyes snap over, looking frantic.

“I know that,” Marjan answered, but she didn’t sound sure, and with all Marjan’s confidence, when she didn’t sound sure, she wasn’t.

Carlos made a show of looking at his watch. “You need to get ready for the show now. It’s getting late.”

Marjan caught on, and stood up, leaning down to hug T.K. “Teek, I’ll talk to you after the show, okay? Maybe we can meet up at your house or you can come to mine.”

T.K. nodded, calming at the touch of his friend. “Yeah, okay, we can do that.”

Paul gave T.K. a handshake. “Thanks so much for the tickets, man. We’ve all been curious about Marjan’s best friend. You lived up to our expectations.”

Mateo gave a wave. “Yeah, maybe later you can tell us the queen story.”

T.K. put on his fakest smile. “Sure thing, buddy.” Carlos could see that T.K.’s going to another place mentally, so he rushed the guests out, giving T.K. room to breathe.

Marjan lingered just a bit longer, giving Carlos a stern look, “Take care of him.”

“It’s my job,” he said.

“It better be more than that,” Marjan replied. It is. I’m probably in for a world of hurt, but I’d take care of him even if I wasn’t paid to do it. I want him to be happy, and I do my best to make him feel happy.

T.K

T.K. wasn’t as stupid as some people thought he was. He might have played stupid a lot because it was easier to get what you wanted when people thought you’re barely smarter than a pile of bricks. He’d gotten a lot of good info by acting dumb. Judd would tell him to cut it out. Marjan would usually let him get away with it just to see the amusing results that always came. Carlos would give a knowing look, not making a judgment in either direction.

Because he wasn’t a complete idiot, he knew what Carlos was doing as he swiftly moved T.K.’s guests out of his dressing room, and to his surprise, it makes him feel relieved more than annoyed. Maybe I’m a changed man, after all. Or maybe I’m just getting too attached. The new T.K. apparently is into letting people meddling in his life, and he apparently let his bodyguard be more than a nuisance who follows him around, and who could blame him? Carlos actually seemed to care about him. Like, he’d bring pink-frosted doughnuts in the morning just because T.K. liked them, and when Carlos brought them, T.K. liked them even more. It’s like the sprinkle phenomenon. Just like doughnuts tasted better with sprinkles, they tasted better when hot bodyguards hand-delivered them just because they were thinking about you.

It made T.K. feel pathetic that the doughnuts made him so happy. Carlos was just being nice because he was a nice guy, and doing nice things was just what he does. It’s not because I matter to him. He only cares because if something happens to me, he’s out of a job, and from what he’s said, this is the most prestigious job he’s had. I don’t want to ruin his career. He deserves a better client than me, though. Someone who isn’t a fuck up. He was probably just as nice to everyone else. I’m just too self-absorbed to notice that the world doesn’t revolve around me. But the doughnuts made T.K. feel special. Even if Carlos is just being nice. There’s something about little things like remembering someone’s name or bringing someone doughnuts. Those little things made people feel good even if they weren’t that big of a deal.

“I don’t need to start getting ready for thirty-minutes,” T.K. commented just to say something. He hated how he couldn’t seem to keep his mouth shut. He babbled and yelled and sang just because he didn’t know how to shut up, didn’t know how to sit with the quiet, and not go crazy and therefore didn’t know how to control his mouth. Most of the time, his mouth was autonomous from the rest of him. I don’t know what the fuck I’m saying half the time. I’m just shooting the breeze until there’s no air left for anyone else.

Carlos gave an apologetic look, and it’s so cute. My heart might just melt if I’m around him too long. “Are you mad?”

“No, most people wouldn’t have done that though. They wouldn’t have even noticed that I needed a break.” He’s so nice. How can I be that nice?

“It’s my job to notice what you need without you having to say it.” That wasn’t in his job description, but T.K. wasn’t going to argue it.

“I don’t know why I’m so triggered by my dead dad. It’s been years.”

“There’s not a timeline on grief.” Tell that to his mom, who went back to work in two days and acted like giving T.K. a guitar would make up for not having a dad. Tell that to the psychiatrist who told him that he couldn’t grieve forever or the one who had told him that ten years was too long to still feel so bad. Honestly, everyone who told him to get over it was probably right. It wasn’t healthy to live in that day forever. To think about his father burning to death when it hadn’t even been the flames that had killed Owen. It had been shrapnel. But still, T.K. imagined skin being charred and falling from his dad’s body, and he just wanted the image to go away. He wanted to stop feeling so scared because that’s what he’d felt since 9/11, a hot fear that he converted into anger because he was too old to cry about how terrified he was. He remembered his mother telling him when he was ten that he was too old to cry about nightmares. He refused to cry about them after, even though he had to bite his wrist just to distract from the torment he felt. He learned to bring the feelings inward and to destroy himself for fleeting moments of peace.

“Yeah, but I can’t even say the word dad without feeling sick, and hearing it sends a fresh wave of guilt through me.” T.K had this stupid idea that if he hadn’t been such a brat the evening before 9/11 and kept his parents up until 3 am that his dad would have been better rested and would have been able to do his job better and not die. Logically, he knew that lots of people with kids who weren’t brats died that day. Lots of well-rested, unlucky people, but T.K was never able to shake the idea that his father’s death had something to do with him. He’d never confessed that fear to anyone, and maybe that was why it was killing him, draining him of his ability to keep his head in reality. He’d prefer his mind to float away. He loved the detached feeling of not being at all connected to himself, and as fine as he acted to anyone who glanced at him, he couldn’t stop thinking about oxy. It made him sick with yearning just to think of oxy or E or LSD, or K, or G or whatever other combination of senseless letters would let him out of his head, a prickly, electrified cage that made him feel small and claustrophobic.

“Guilt?” Carlos looked at him, face pinched. T.K. figured Carlos saw him as a puzzle. He wanted to know what T.K. meant because it was interesting in a perverse way. Everyone wanted to know why a man who had everything but a dad couldn’t get his shit together. Some people had less but had somehow managed to hang onto their sanity. They didn’t crave an oxy every time a pang of feeling clawed at their gut.

“I didn’t mean that. I meant sorrow.” T.K. didn’t think that he sounded very convincing, but Carlos wasn’t going to press it. It wasn’t his style. T.K. needed to focus on his show, and bringing up deeply rooted childhood issues wasn’t exactly going to make him feel energized. Though, to be honest, before all of this had happened, he’d been good about being happy. He’d been bubbly and fun and felt almost normal, but then in a snap, that bright, fun to be around self had shut off. It’s like I’m too different people. One who likes the peaks of roller coasters and another who likes the valleys.

“I still miss my dad,” Carlos confessed, and T.K. held his breath. The dead dad’s club is not a fun one to be in.

T.K. felt flushed. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry for your loss.” It sounded so stupid to say. T.K. had always hated when people said that to him because it never made him feel any differently. Them being sorry couldn’t change his loss or even heal it.

“He’s not dead or anything. I just haven’t seen him in five years.” Carlos shrugged. “So, I don’t think he’s dead, but I haven’t talked to him in years, and cutting him off was something I had to do.” T.K. had to take a deep breath not to lash out. If his dad was alive, he wouldn’t ever stop talking to him. Even if he was the worse dad in the world.

“I know it’s not the same, but it sucks.”

“Then, why won’t you talk to him?” T.K. tried to keep his voice calm, but he sounded like an angry kid on the verge of a tantrum.

“Because as much as I love him, he can’t bring me inner peace. He only keeps me around when he needs something, so I decided not to make myself available, but I still miss him sometimes. He was mean and abusive, but he’s not like a villain you see on a TV show. He had good in him, even if it was just a very little bit. He used to take me fishing. I hated it, but I loved the time I got to spend with him. We’d fish, and suddenly, he’d become dad of the year. Then, we’d go home and he’d tell me I couldn’t do anything right.”

“I’m sorry. Sounds, dead or deadbeat, having a dad brings heartbreak.”

“My point is just that you don’t have to stop missing him. You don’t have to stop thinking it’s unfair that you don’t have him here. You don’t have to stop cherishing his memory, but you do have to learn to live with it.”

“Yeah, thanks, Freud.”

“I’m sure your therapist would say it better,” Carlos joked. T.K. felt guilty because he had taken the therapist list Grace had made for him and shredded it after one visit with the first woman on the list. He’d had video visits with her twice before deciding that he didn’t need that anymore. He started to feel better. The withdrawal symptoms had gone. He felt more in control of his life, so he’d decided that he didn’t need anyone doing a deep dive into his brain. He’d figured it all out himself. No professional needed. No AA, NA, or whatever other program was out there. All he needed was his guitar and to stay away from parties. There was a part of T.K. that knew he was being foolish. He’d gotten sober before like this when he just decided to stop and get his life together, but every time, when the going got tough, T.K. usually figured it was time to quit the good habits that made life bearable without the bad habits.

“Yeah, she’d give a bunch of psychobabble.” Dr. Aggarwal actually probably wouldn’t have done that. Despite T.K’s stubbornness, Grace’s search had been thorough and she’d chosen people who wouldn’t give psychobabble. Maybe I did do some research before I shredded the list.

“Are you okay with that?”

T.K. shrugged, “I’m getting used to it. I think this one is actually helping. It’s going to be a journey, but I think this might be something good.” He hated lying to Carlos. I’m such a dumb, jerk. But the truth wasn’t going to make Carlos feel better. It wasn’t going to change the situation. It wasn’t going to do anything but sit there like the biggest know-it-all in a room full of know-it-alls.

Carlos beamed, and T.K. wanted to disappear. I hate myself for being such a weirdo. I’m the worst person alive. Carlos deserves better than me. “That’s great. I’m glad you’re starting to feel better.”

The more T.K. lied about feeling better the worst he felt. “Yeah me too.” He forced a smile. “Me being better is only going to make your job easier.”

Carlos laughed. “I have a feeling that you’ll never make it too easy.” I can’t make anything easy. I always have to take the hardest route as if that will somehow cure all the awful feelings that I have when it does nothing but make me an angry wreck.

“What would be the fun in that?” Carlos laughed again, and T.K. felt himself relax. T.K. thought that if a laugh could save a person that he’d be saved, but laughter couldn’t save him. It would be like using cough medicine for a bullet wound.

#911 lone star #911 lone star fics #my fics #Elise Writes #my writing #tarlos fics #wip #holding out for a hero

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incarnateirony · 4 years

Text

Apparently I have to say this again.

Wanting better, satisfactory text is the nature of the LGBT fight and is completely fair to aspire for.

Prefunctorily deleting segments of the existing text, because they aren’t satisfying to you, helps nobody in discussion of the canon text or even in LGBT battles.

Certain things this fandom has been trained into calling subtext is in the realm of absurdity.

While the whole outter world now calls a spade a spade, because a great deal of textualized, embodied, manifest elements that work for the rest of the world that *aren’t* looking for the LGBT rep line? That’s there. That’s text and basic storytelling to the point everything from TVG to soap reporters to Jensen Ackles himself is calling a spade a spade. Yes, Jensen Ackles.

My biggest peeve is everybody playing hot potato with the Lisa issue and going “well we saw Lisa in bed later” that’s fine. But that’s still a goalpost you manufactured after the fact. The fact that the world understood 5.22 when it was intended as an end point, exactly as it was, before 6.1 is its own whole topic. No matter how much you convince yourself you need to run for that goal post for it to be text, the existing text still stands.

Is it enough to get through to nimrods being intentionally daft on the internet? No. But when those same nimrods get confused that Lilith is a demon/demons go to the Empty not purgatory, or that ghosts don’t wear clothes, you’re really not arguing with people that have a solid read on the text anyway and are arguing points with clout goblins. And those same clout goblins even see it because they periodically scream at TPTB for making it romantic. There’s nobody left to “convince” anymore, and “convincing” people of what is deadass *in the text* is not your responsibility.

It is *still fair* to want *better, more satisfactory text*. That is the nature of the LGBT fight. But calling fully manifest elements “subtext”, be that mixtapes or lisa parallels or big wins or attached at the everythings, after you’ve let yourselves be talked down, into talking down other textual elements (I love you/I know who you love) because yet again, you want to prove it to *THAT* intentionally thick fuck face over in the tinfoil corner -- that ain’t helpful to anyone. That’s accidentally being party to moving your own goalposts.

And because people seem to miss this right after I say it, lemme say again: Wanting better, more satisfactory text is part of the LGBT rep battle and is completely fair. Deleting existing text and pretending it isn’t text, because you want more, is the unfruitful thing. The whole goddamn rest of the world is calling the text what the text is but fandom is sitting here telling itself on-repeat it needs XYZ before things are text, even when there’s already text.

My point is to be mindful what you’ve been psychologically battered into calling subtext when half the time it’s just dead-ass text. It’s fine to want more text that fulfills your personal wants on representation better and that’s all fine and dandy. But I promise yelling that you see subtext online, in a world where people constantly fuse subtext and interpretation, is 0.00000% useful in convincing production companies or authors or *anyone* to seriously consider how to handle *their text.*

When I talk about the artificially engineered dialogue in this fandom, this phantom concept of fighting against... *gestures into the distance* to prove ones’textual relevance is part of it. Tell people that 200 tinfoil covered brotherfuckers are irrelevant. They’ll say they’re fighting someone else. Some unseen, perceived concept of, perhaps, a GA that is equally opposed to them as the tinfoil asshats manipulating dialogue projected, when the GA at current is calling a spade a spade.

The GA is also generally not “woke” as a whole body. Like any diverse group of people, there’s gonna be people of all sorts in it, but going out and being implicatively mad that some people are *happy and consuming without question the current canon text level of romance that has been low-key present through Dabb era* also isn’t... very... helpful.

Like this is your base line guys. Imagining a GA sealed in the base of the Appalachians without shoes or internet that all Hate The Thing as some foRCE you need to conVINCE is literally a completely imagined up monster to fight at this point, and arguing from the premise of having to convince any of this imagined monster is putting you at an inherent deficit. EW got it. TVG got it. Variety got it. The soap opera lady got it. Everybody gets it, because it HAS been operative surface level text for a while.

Whether it is *fulfilling* text or not is the debate and again, it’s... *fine* to want better handling? But unsatisfactory text is still text and doesn’t just become subtext because it’s not the kind of text that would satisfy you. At this point because *parts* of their story are still conveyed by subtext -- as any story, LGBT or not, romantic or not, has parts of it told by subtext -- people keep shoving it back under and pretending it’s stayed under the subtext line when it’s already breached repeatedly. And no amount of calling the old text subtext is helpful. It just moves a goalpost and redefines things to the loss of the LGBT community in discussion and content.

So again: Rep line - you want more, that’s fine and nifty and I get that 100% at my core. But rearranging our conversation to maintain a tone of upset rather than hands on ownership of the text already in place is the line between DeanCas fandom having a legitimate platform to fight for representation via wanting better textual rep, and them being like any other gay ship out there yelling about subtext, when half the time they’re talking about arbitrary interpretation rather than thematic story revelation. And I’m going to let y’all guess which face of it is more likely to be listened to by creatives.

Think. Observe the origins of your discussion angles very carefully. Be sure you haven’t been coded and manipulated to perform to dog whistles that put you at an intentional impairment in the conversation versus anyone else owning the text content. And there is textual content, and that’s the simple point. Just... make sure a couple hundred tinfoil asshats online haven’t convinced you to bury your own ownership of text content based off of completely manufactured authority and presence in it. I promise you that’s not nearly as helpful to LGBT rep discussion as anyone thinks it is.

Like you want to convince someone to make it makeout gay okay i guess try pedowitz but beyond that the text is the text yall.

Pretty sure you won't find him on tumblr. He has a lurker twitter account he ignores tho so go for it.

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valkerymillenia · 4 years

Text

Umbrella Academy

season 2, episode 3

Next!

Again, live blogging and posting my reactions all in one post to avoid spamming.

This post got accidentally deleted yesterday so I had to write or all again (twice!)

Oh, starting with a Klaus and Ben 1960 flashback! Ah, Klaus... You have no shame. Let my baby eat though!

Lol "Chanel". Boy knows his fashion, of course.

And there's Boney M playing!

You can practically read his mind when he sees that diamond. Sugar momma alert! 😆

Damn, loving the black outfit, very sexy.

LEVITATING KLAUS WAS BEN LIFTING HIM UP! Seems that one crack theory on the fandom was right 🤣

Ben's face though 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

These two are the best combo. I love them.

61, Baja, NM. Traveling hippie commune.

Is Klaus still sober? He refuses a joint here so I'm inclined to believe that he is but he isn't acting very sober... Then again that might be an act, just him embracing the hippy life.

CALLED IT!!! BEN FALLS IN LOVE, DOESN'T HE?! I FUCKING CALLED IT IN EP 1!

62, Varanasi, India. The river scene from the promos. Yeah, I called this one too. Klaus is already looking seriously uncomfortable and realizing this is getting out of hand.

63, San Francisco. Poor Klaus is practically suffocating under all the touching and nobody respects his space or his words.

Destiny's Children! 🤣 You are such a 90s kid, Klaus.

Run away, Klaus! Run! Escape the crazies.

Ok, let me paused to write out a thought...

So a lot of people were worried about the cult thing and Klaus's intentions but it's clear he had no malicious intentions at all. He charmed and impressed some people for survival purposes and thrived, he enjoyed the love and attention at first and the cult just grew around around him organically whether he liked it or not, more a hippy cult of personality then a religious sect, but at some point he saw that it had gone too far, the pressure and expectation became too much and he realized he'd bitten more than he can chew.

It's actually rather sad how he just wants to escape but the cultists objectify him to all hell, he has no privacy or personal space. The problem with Klaus is that he doesn't do anything mildly, he always goes too big until he's drowning. Boy is already self-sabotaging and I'm sure he's going to start self-destructing very soon as well.

End of thought. Clicking play again.

Ouch! Poor Diego 😰 Lila, that is not how you cauterize a stab wound...

"what happened?" -your dear daddy stabbed you, dude.

Did she really need to strip him so thoroughly? 😏 Yes, yes, she did.

Well, at least she's not sewing you up, Diego. No needles, yay.

"oh, he isn't dead." "Disappointed?" "To see you? Always 😊" -did I mention I love Five's sass? I did? Well, I do.

Old family friend 😆

"you don't untie him?" "Was I supposed to?" Oh Lila, you're adorable, poor Elliot.

Vanya, that is suspicious as hell, just mow down that weirdo!

Ok, good instincts but too slow.

Run, girl, run!

Got to admit, these Swedes are good battle strategy, they are surrounding her surprisingly well.

Is this were the badass Vanya promo was from? Show me badass Vanya, please.

BADASS VANYA! 💖

Ooooooh, very smart, Five!!!

One of the machines though? What are the others for? I'm curious.

Plano Street Rooming House for Solitary Men? That's real depressing, Luther.

It's the "the end is nigh" guy the same that was screaming with Luther in ep 1?

King Kong! Not sure if cute or rude af...

Ahahahah! Luther literally STUMBLING on "Allison" and then acting like an awkward Steve Rogers when the kids call him out 😆 Boy, when will you realize that your obsession is creepy?

Honestly, ALL the Hargreeves siblings can be divided into two categories- sweet awkward dork or sass king/queen, there is no in-between (but Diego and Klaus get to be both).

Convenient that Vanya would just sit there and wait to be found by Five but ok.

"I have a brother?" -honey, you have five (pun fully intended)

IKEA MAFIA! 😂

Nice crop circle, Vanya.

Five just rolls with the amnesia, huh? Doesn't even question it. Ok, then.

Why is Ruby, notorious mobster, sewing sequins? It's it for the dog? I bet, it's for the dog.

"Hargreeves. She your ex?" *Cue Luther's super awkward fumbling* "S-Sorta...Y-Yeah. Sure." - big boy, this is the point where you realize how creepy your crush on your own sister is, time to reevaluate.

KLAUS AND ALLISON REUNION! THEY ARE SO CUTE! 😭💜

Honestly, I need more Klaus and Allison interactions. They have so much bff potential.

*le gasp* "oh, you're married?" 😲 -yes, Klaus, you met him.

"dicks, drugs, debutants. My holy trinity" -ok so everything Klaus says should be taken with a grain of salt but does Klaus still do drugs or not? Considering the evolution of his powers with Ben I'd say no, but we aren't seeing other ghosts harassing him so... Hmm, I need confirmation.

"alternative spiritual community" my ass

Ah, Allison falls into the sass queen category.

Allison can have a little PTSD, as a treat. 😢

Those shoes! Hi, Handler.

Those shoes really are her signature by now. Those heels could kill a man.

Handler as a brunette...? She looks good but I like her bleach blonde.

What did she say to make that boy pee himself?? Damn, Handler, no wonder your kid is a mess.

These dudes need to start listening to my girl Allison, instead of following her husband like puppies.

Great speech, girl! ✊

What is up with that sandwich???

Oh wait, it's Ben right? Klaus is using his powers to get Ray out of jail, isn't he?

Yup, of course he is.

Ben being all sassy and cocky about it gives me life.

"high places" - 😆

Poor Ray, you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into.

"family barbecues are about to get reeeeeeeal weird" - I'd actually like to see that.

"leave the pot, dear" - you're such an old man, Five.

"any questions?" Five, if be worried if she DIDN'T have questions after all that.

"asteroid impact" -aww 💜 you really do care for her feelings, Five... But you have to tell her the truth sooner or later.

Harlan likes classical music, huh? Good thing he knows a good violinist.

Harlan and Sissy... 😭 My poor heart.

Ouch! What is wrong with you, Lila? You're right but what is wrong with you?

"I can't believe I got shanked by my own father" - can't you, Diego? Really? After everything else that man did to you and your siblings?

"man to man, that son of bitch wouldn't stand a chance" - yeah, he would, he taught you all you know, boy

Not sure if Lila's story is true or not but... I still have that one theory that she was born on October, 1989...

"I don't understand you!!!" - ahah, poor Diego 🤣

Really? Right in front of Elliot's tuna mold?

Man, Handler is really obsessed with Five...

Oh, Luther, you giant puppy...

This is so AWKWARD!

Bonbons, Luther? Really?

Ok, this small talk is even MORE AWKWARD! It physically hurts to listen to this.

The pain in his face and voice when Luther goes "S-so great" 😭

boy, this is the moment you realize it's time to move on, you're not isolated teenagers in a dysfunctional home anymore, let her be your sister and find love elsewhere.

The sit in!

"seven languages" sassy, sassy, I love her.

YOUNG DAVE!

Oh no... Klaus, no, baby... Oh, this is painful.

Ben, don't be mean, let your brothe have this.

What kind of gay man doesn't know what eggshell is? 😆

"is this considered stalking? 'cause I think you're stalking now" - well, BEN, following your brother 24/7 for 15 years can also be considered stalking

Oh no, Vietnam flashbacks... Poor Klaus 😭😭😭

"Vietnam fling"? Ben, you know it wasn't just a fling! Stop being mean.

Aw, Klaus just wants to save Dave... He's willing to sacrifice their relationship to save Dave's life... 😭😭😭

I know Ben is just worried but he could be less mean...

Damn, this sit in thing is really upsetting...

Why is Ray being weird? Is he suspicious of Luther and Alison's relationship? Or is he just unhappy that Allison kept secrets about her family?

Oh Luther, no... Self-harm by proxy is not going to make you feel better.

Oh, motherfucker! That coffee thing was such an asshole move!

Shit, this scene is so well written, the way something so small is making the whole protest escalate to all hell... The police brutality, the parallels with recent events... Disturbing and brilliant and deeply relevant!

Yes! Rumor that motherfucker, Allison!

Oh no, don't be scared of your wife, Ray! Don't be suspicious!

Poor Allison... 😢

Oh Luther, you dumbass... 😢

Lila going to meet mommy, huh?

Oh, she's still wearing Diego's bracelet. Cute.

I know this scene between Handler and Lila was supposed to be a shocking plot twist but after David Castañeda's interview slip up, I already knew.

Still, an excellent scene and very cool surprise.

Like I said before, I really like Lila, I don't trust her AT ALL but I like her.

...

THIS WAS SUCH AN EMOTIONAL EPISODE... Again.

My god, this show gives me life.

#tua #tua s2 #tua s2 spoilers #live blogging #reactions #my phone keeps correcting vanya to baby #and honestly it's not wrong

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blooming-blooming · 5 years

Note

Can you explain more about the Eliphas’ rhetoric towards Yuma and the Hellshark was Yoshida hating women? And him hating women in general? Sorry. I'm confused. Sorry if you're mad.

I’m not mad at all, don’t worry! I know Yoshida is... a touchy subject among female YGO fans, to say the least, but I really don’t mind expanding on my thoughts. I was originally going to just put the Eliphas part under a cut for length but... I have a lot of thoughts on this, so I’m going to put most of it under a cut for the sake of peoples’ feeds. As always, people can rb if they want, idc.

This ask is about this vent post, which in turn is me piggybacking off this post I reblogged. The post I reblogged in particular being a very common plight among wlw shounen fans, and is why I overwhelmingly prefer shoujo to the point that YGO is quite literally the only shounen series I like besides one other shounen manga with a near all female cast.

Perhaps (though many will disagree with me) saying Yoshida hates women was a bit harsh. However, he has explicitly said in a blurb at the back of a volume of the Zexal manga that he very rarely, if at all, writes women when left to his own devices - to the point that the artist literally had to convince him to make the manga-only character Luna female because there were no female characters contributing to the story.

So, at the very least, Yoshida is very much not fond of writing women into his stories, whether intentional or not on his part (because what he said very much reads to me like he doesn’t intend to not write women, however: unintentional misogyny is still misogyny, and I think reflects subconscious views he has on women as a result).

As for how this plays into IV and Shark’s relationship and my feelings towards it: I’m gonna be blunt, HellShark is one of my absolute favorite ships in the franchise despite the lack of content I make for it. IV V Nasch in particular is a duel that means a lot to me wrt my own trauma and older unhealthy coping mechanisms as reflected in IV’s character.

However.

It’s also very, very hard to ignore that a lot of their canonical, on screen interactions are directly at the expense of Rio. The entire foundation for IV and Ryoga’s relationship is that IV set Rio on fire, that Ryoga wants revenge for Rio, and, in II that IV wants to make things up to Ryoga for what he did to Rio.

Yet, Rio Kamishiro herself is never present for any of this. We are never oncegiven an opinion from Rio about what IV did to her. At best, we have it mentioned in a 3Ds game that isn’t canon that she wants to talk things out with IV, but nothing in the anime itself. This is a very blatant red flag. Rio spends 80 episodes in a coma for this, wakes up from said coma, then is put into another coma before she can sort things out. In general, Rio has very little, if any agency of her own from the time her and Shark start realizing they’re Barians until the Barians start attacking Heartland.

This also plays into my comment about Megumi Han, Rio’s voice actress. The friend of mine who got me to watch Zexal watched it herself as it aired, and mentioned that Han accidentally slipped up/leaked Rio being Merag right before the Barian backstory arc. Because of her then being put into a coma right when things started to involve the Kamishiros and her being shown with IV in the ED, this lead to a rumor coming out that her and IV were supposed to talk things out in canon, but they wrote Rio’s character out as punishment. However, it’s just that: a rumor, and nothing more, so take it with a grain of salt.

As for Eliphas:

Juuuuust so I’m not talking completely out of my ass (as I often do), I’ll be citing this article by Masami Tamagawa, particularly the subsection of it linked therein.

The rundown is: family structures are a very key cornerstone in Japanese society, with a very distinctive focus on relation to the father. Keeping this structure in tact is very key for career movement; particularly for men, who are traditionally viewed as the breadwinners while the wives stay home. Risking straying from this structure not only puts your family at risk, but yourself as well - leading to many LGBT JP people to stay closeted.

With this in mind, Eliphas is the known creator of Astral, and also explicitly created Barian when he banished all Astral beings who had chaos in them so that Astral World could continue to prosper. This already lays the foundation for an allegory to conservatism down, but in particular the way he, Astral’s patriarch, talks about Yuma’s chaotic (gay) relationship with Astral and how Yuma defends himself goes much further in this.

The foundation for Eliphas’ stance and rhetoric on keeping Astral away from Yuma isn’t the “impurity” of their love, though it is a major component, but rather: their love, and Yuma encouraging Astral to think for himself and find his own purpose detracts him for furthering the prosperity of Astral World. Because of Astral’s relationship, he is denying Eliphas, his family, the opportunities to further society. Afaik, this is a very major point for JP conservatism as a whole - however, my source mostly focuses on the family aspect, so I will refrain from going further on that.

Yuma’s defense to this basically boils down to “we’ve argued, but all I have ever truly done to Astral is love him.”

The article linked also goes into what an extreme generation gap Japan now has with regards to viewing LGBT cultures, and cites the 90s gay boom to exposure in the identities as a reason. Yuma’s final line in this defense reads very strongly as a generational argument/parallel to me:

Eliphas’ rhetoric is furthered when Yuma summons Hope, a direct symbol of Yuma and Astral’s relationship:

He refers to it as an “abnormality born from irregularity”, directly accusing Hope of only existing at all for deviating from the social norms, which is bad. Yuma again refutes that there is nothing wrong with Hope, just as there is nothing wrong with him and Astral being together.

This is all just from the first episode of this duel. I’m sure I could go on, but I’ll be blunt: while I like the themes and allegory of Yuma V Eliphas, I hate the pacing and don’t even want to skim through more.

However, I do feel based on everything above, combined with the two being canon in the manga also written by Yoshida (with an argument I can very easily make that they’re canon in the finale of the anime as well - but that’s for another post), and again, Alit canonically being in love with Yuma being used as a point of sympathy for him and the Barians’ situation, that Yuma and Astral are a very deliberate and very intentional LGBT narrative.

As someone whos gay relationship was recently sabotaged by her GF’s parents, all of Yuma’s points hit EXTREMELY close to home for me in particular - and, I’ll be frank: I’m friends with a lot of Zexal fans in gay relationships, and literally all of them have picked up on having the exact same sentiments as Yuma, be it to someone close or society at large - at some point in their lives.

#goakizaizinski #zexal #yuma tsukumo #astral (zexal)#keyshipping #Niki Gets Meta

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noldorinwa · 4 years

Text

Chocolate Box Letter

Dear Chocolate Box writer,

Thank you for checking this out, and sorry about the delay!

Here are a bunch of fandom and pairing-specific likes and prompts. All my requests are for fic, and I’m open to all ratings. I’m very excited for just about anything I might receive for any of these pairings, and so long as you stick to something related to my general likes, feel free to follow specific prompts as much or as little as you wish, depending on where inspiration takes you!

I’m lunavagant on AO3.

General Likes

Worldbuilding

Casefic

Banter and humor

Canon divergence

Emotional vulnerability / repressed feelings / pining

Character study

Codependency

Characters being possessive or jealous

Loyalty

Hurt/comfort

Open endings / hopeful endings

Enemies to lovers / friends (especially childhood friends) to lovers

Smut specific likes: frottage; penetration; clothed sex; begging; orgasm delay/denial; emotional sex; power dynamics; overstimulation; fingering; oral sex

DNWs

Unrequested death of requested characters

Unrequested tragic endings

Unrequested gender headcanons

Pregnancy

A/B/O

Bi Richie or Bi Eddie for IT

DISCWORLD

There isn't enough Discworld fic in the world, and I would be ecstatic to read just about anything for any combination of characters, really. Some that I am especially fond of but haven't nominated are Sybil, Nobby, William de Worde, Moist, Adora Belle, Polly Perks, and Maladict.

Anything from a plotty fic to something humorous and dialogue-heavy would be the best thing ever. Footnotes are more than welcome if inspiration strikes.

Angua von Uberwald & Samuel Vimes

I would give just about anything for Sam and Angua buddy cop adventures in Ankh-Morpork and beyond. These cynical bastards are two of the characters in the Watch books that most closely resemble each other personality-wise, and anything involving them interacting would be a delight.

Casefic of any kind, even just a snippet of an ongoing investigation, or everyday Watch shenanigans.

I really enjoyed Angua and Sam's cameos in Monstrous Regiment, and would love to see more of something of that kind - either set during/post MR canon or in a different setting altogether.

Any and all interactions with William or Moist especially would be amazing. Especially with both of them being aware that there is a werewolf in the Watch, and both of them very much Not knowing that the werewolf is Angua.

Havelock Vetinari & Samuel Vimes

(The tag doesn’t require it, but I’m all for making their relationship shippy – either explicitly or implicitly by hinting at suppressed feelings.)

Feel free to integrate these prompts with the Sam & Angua ones if you're inspired to.

Pre-series: Sam ends up saving Vetinari’s life much earlier than canon – back when he’s been just recently promoted to Captain of the Watch, and Vetinari is still consolidating his power as Patrician. For all that he's still having to work to make himself heard and respected, young Vetinari probably privately enjoys Sam's irreverence more than he lets on. How does their relationship evolve from there?

Amnesia fic in which Vetinari has a magic-related accident of some kind (or maybe it's a failed assassination attempt) and ends up forgetting the past five or so years. Maybe he wakes up to Sam sitting by the bed and immediately calls Sam “Captain” instead of Commander?

Casefic, again! Bickering over case reports! Vetinari messing with Sam by sending people like government inspectors over to the Watch whenever Sam does something annoying (for that matter, what IS the story behind Vetinari sending over A.E. Pessimal? I am Dying to know). Discussions on the need for a free press in Ankh-Morpork, in light of the fact that A) Sam considers William to be a public menace but unfortunately B) Vetinari finds Sam's exasperation hilarious.

Time travelling shenanigans inspired by Night Watch. Memories, glimpses of parallel realities, Young Sam and Young Havelock interacting. I am also 100% here for Young Vetinari/Sam!Keel.

Any combination of the above ideas, or something new entirely that fits my general likes would be great!

IT (MOVIES)

Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier

Fandom specific DNWs: Bi Richie; Bi Eddie; Kidfic; Nicknames that aren’t movie canon

Eddie lives! He just does, because I said so. Angst and temporary character death are more than fine, though.

I’m here for it all, to be honest, from frantic we-almost-died sex back at the hotel in Derry, to Richie and Eddie attempting to get back to their lives and staying “just friends”, and failing spectacularly.

Infidelity, angsty misunderstandings, and messy attempts at dealing with your marriage when you're gay and in love with your male best friend are all concepts that are right up my alley with these two.

Maybe Richie manages to push Eddie out of the way just in time while fighting It in the sewers, and gets injured himself. How does Eddie act with their positions reversed?

I have the biggest soft spot for the two of them as teens, and I would love any exploration of their relationship then.

Finding excuses to get in each other’s space – sitting close together on the couch, or at the movies, in the hammock, sleeping in the same bed. Richie teasing Eddie constantly just to have an excuse to touch him. Eddie constantly nagging Richie to have an excuse to do the same.

Sleepovers! Pretending to be asleep to ‘accidentally’ cuddle up to one another. Cuddling turning into something else.

Banter turning into flirting and both of them insisting it’s all a big joke until it doesn’t feel like a joke anymore, but never taking the final step for fear of being wrong or rejected. Richie dealing with internalized guilt over wanting to touch his best friend in ways he’s not supposed to want.

Richie crushing on Eddie and being terrified of being found out, but unable to bring himself to stop making jokes, or taking every chance to be as close to Eddie as possible. Richie struggling with himself over his desire to be physically close to Eddie – he would never do anything, so surely he’s allowed this? But then again if Eddie knew about the way Richie feels he wouldn’t want Richie to touch him at all.

Eddie crushing on Richie and not even realizing it until he doesn’t have Richie’s attention directly on him for more than one minute, then getting restless, or insanely jealous in case Richie is directing said attention elsewhere.

All kinds of awkward but earnest teen explorations of sexuality would be delightful.

If you’re inspired to write smut, I vastly prefer Richie bottoming and/or being generally submissive in bed. Eddie, on the other hand, probably gets a rush from finding out that Richie likes being told what to do. I also believe that it’s much more likely for Richie to be the one to freak out about (or during!) sex. For all that he’s just as repressed, Eddie is also a stubborn bastard, and once he’s concluded that he wants to sleep with Richie he would be a man on a mission.

KNIVES OUT

Marta Cabrera/Ransom Drysdale

I watched this movie by myself and only distantly registered the fact that I found the idea of these two appealing. Then I watched it again with my friend and about halfway through she went, "you know what, I ship this," and I realised that she was right.

Someone in a different letter referred to this ship as Marta accidentally collecting a pet sociopath, and that's so on point I'm going to quote it.

Angry sex, power dynamics, enemies to lovers, the possibilities are endless. Ransom deserves to be pushed around a bit and he’d be into it way more than he’d like to openly admit.

Canon divergence in which Ransom is still a total dick but not the killer. Maybe Marta really did accidentally kill Harlan. Maybe it was somebody else. Basically I'd just like to see more of the reluctant partnership they struck during the movie, with both of them finding each other's moral compasses (or lack thereof) an absolute pain in the ass.

Post-canon, Ransom gets out of jail and finds that the family is still plotting to take Marta down, and if they can't do that through legal means, well. They'll just have to get creative. Either he decides to side with her for reasons unclear even to him, or they are thrown together by the circumstances and have no choice but to collaborate and lean on each other if they want to survive. Ransom insisting that he's only trying to keep Marta alive because he plans on getting money out of her somehow, even when it becomes clear that there's something else at play.

Banter, fights, bickering and insulting each other while working together surprisingly – and annoyingly – well. Ransom surprising Marta by making the right choice at a critical moment, and then immediately going back to being an asshole. Marta fighting dirty and Ransom being into it.

Thank you for reading this, and have fun!

#chocolate box 2020 #choc box 2020 #mine

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tieflng · 5 years

Note

pyre ofc

i’ve already done one for the regular game so Hello, it’s Scribes Time

favorite male character: was incredibly torn on this because like…………..ha’ub exists. just a Chaotic Loyal Little Man. we Cherish An Imp. but also, who am i fooling, i am fooling no one. it’s gol golathanian. i am fooling no one. someone who Cared and wanted to do Right but ended up serving a corrupt and unjust system until it was seemingly too late and then [bird voice] REDEMPTION ARC (heavenly chorus) !! also secretly a Large Softy. also i am incredibly gay and knight/liege is so GOOD.

favorite female character: molten fucking milithe! you’ve persuaded me to love one (1) feral bog-dwelling lesbian scientist because like, milithe who is incredibly Chaotic Neutral but has a pr Problem and just seems Chaotic Evil? but who is secretly a little lonely and comes to cherish her friends? who Also cherish her even if she sounds Like That? that’s good, actually! also she has cortex in the brain that makes you sound like a mad scientist and that’s very fun

least favorite character: if i’m being honest…………underking ores. i just don’t have any Thoughts on him and also…………………he seems a little boring, and a little bit maybe like a jerk. we do eventually need to work out what we think about him though. but like. eh.

favorite ship: goliam !! goliam goliam Goliam !! the knight/liege aspects are so so [chef kiss] and the drama is so JUICY and the arc we’ve kind of worked out for them of like. mutual unrequited pining to enemies to friends to lovers is very good. but also………they grew as individuals and became better people in the downside, and in doing so they were finally able to establish a truly loving relationship. and that’s. i mean that’s true romance, you know? knight/liege is good but requited affection on an equal footing that grows out of it is best.

favorite friendship: god the. the All of them? the All Of Them?

triesta and gol expecting to bitterly hate each other for coming from opposite sides of an imperialist war and then finding a sibling they didn’t know they had

milithe and gol revising their opinions of each other from “stupid sword-waving human” and “weirdo who pretends to have powers” and respecting their different competencies, also bonding over both having Cortext That Makes You Rude

ha’ub feeling kinship with milithe’s pursuit of the ‘unknown & unknowable’ read: milithe teaching him Science Ways and it’s the learning to be spiderman meme. they go looking for cool bugs in flagging hands while everyone else is depressed as fuck

jomuer and ores being Chaotic Fools and getting into increasingly wild scrapes, but also having each others’ backs so they always get out of them safely again, too

soliam in the early downside is on critical levels of Rat Brain (brain full of angry rats) but lu is a slow moving tree man, and talking to him puts the brakes on rat brain and forces him to slow down and verbalize and so dbt was accidentally invented

milithe and lu sclorian as Maximum Scientist Hours, ha’ub as the first person who showed soliam kindness for himself instead of for being the emperor, triesta and lu as philosophy gays asking the deep questions about life and meaning, gol and ha’ub as partners in keeping soliam’s dumb ass alive, the first triumvirate (gol/soliam/ha’ub) as just fucking fambly, ha’ub/milithe/jomuer as Downside’s Most Feral,

so th All of Them??

Scribes Is About Friendships, Baby!

favorite quote: “he said: ‘you gave your freedom, master golathanian, so that i may yet have mine.’

‘you, too, now are an exile of the downside. in all the days which i have left, i never could repay the mercy you have shown me. so, if i cannot do so in this life, then I shall do it in the next.'”

not to sound gay but those two paragraphs invented love

worst character death: i think the first time one of the scribes died (i think we said ores) would be……….incredibly sad. they Ascended/became stars after they died but while they were alive they didn’t Know that. so they’re faced with the realization that the gang has broken up for the first time, and they’re all going to get old and die, as people do, and………..gradually lose their found family, lose the tangible proof that their adventures actually happened, make the triumvirates go on without them, watch the rites and the brand new commonwealth succeed or fail on their own merits. and they missed their friend :( it was a rough time for them all

this made me so happy you have no idea moment: i really like so many of our discussed scribes/nightwings parallels, the mere Idea of scribes/nightwings parallels makes me happy. the one i’m feeling right now is that thing where bertrude always pretends to thinks hedwyn is hitting on her. but gol and milithe can you Imagine. like MA’AM you’re THREE HUNDRED and i’m GAY and also the man i love is right here and he thinks this is hilarious

saddest moment: the scribes looking down from the stars realizing that their commonwealth has been corrupted from their original dream :((((

favorite location: man i already said the isle of khaylmer, also they never went there. still tied between the ridge of gol (Bad Ass) and the summit of mount alodiel, because come on, listen to this part of the greater titans chapter of the book of rites:

“finally, the Eight of us, we climbed atop the brow of old sung-gries. we merged our strength, and struck the mortal blow, such that the archbeast shattered finally to pieces!”

incredibly anime and i fucking Love it. where’s my eight scribes animated series PLEASE they are literally shounen protagonists !!

#pyre #this got SO LONG but it's because i LOVE SCRIBES #tumblr user jodaaariel / tumblr user tieflng solidarity handshake ....

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