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ratbastarddotfuck · 1 year

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I've realised the unfortunate reality that I've never been able to make a playlist that captures my teen years because I haven't been able to admit that my tastes were a little cringe a decade ago. Alas cringe culture comes for us all i suppose.

#they weren't ENTIRELY cringe altho i guess that depends on your tastes #and i don't really actually believe in cringe most of the time #not for anyone except myself #i just don't want to get caught putting nickleback on the same playlist as mcr #and then there's the panic at the disco problem #(problem -> i was very into their music but then brendon urie did whatever the fuck he did and now it's all a lil tainted)#ouggh #linkin park is still good tho that shit slaps #the other issue is that half my music was pirated so i don't even really know what all of them were called #and i had some weird random shit in there cus my uncle was a dj and i had his entire music collection #oh god I'd have to put eminem on there unfortunately #but! fall out boy still fucks!#p!nk is always good #i think that's most of the big stuff #oh and imagine dragons but i still like their music so whatever (yes shut up)#i feel like this list gives you a pretty big insight into the type of teenage girl i was lmao #the system speaks

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butchfalin · 6 months

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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

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lotus-pear · 5 months

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doing skk meme redraws instead of sat prep >:)

#someone pls get them out of my fucking head my brain isn’t allowing me to draw anyone else #pls put me out of my misery i don’t know how much longer i can be obsessed w these pathetic losers #running back to my toxic ex every week except the toxic ex is my skk obsession #also i drew the hat this time i’m so proud of myself 🤩#bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chuuya #soukoku #skk #lotus draws

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welcometogrouchland · 2 months

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[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post

#dc comics #dc #damian wayne #dick grayson #talia al ghul #batfamily #dc robin #nightwing #anyway. yes im a self-indulgent ''dick as damians secret third parent'' truther #like i DO think it's way more complex and nuanced than the schmoopy affectionate fan portrayal of it #they're brothers they're father and son they're partners they're the dynamic duo except only in past tense etc etc #but consider! I'm not immune to schmoopy affection in fanworks. it compells me despite itself #anyway it's technically not that crazy when it comes to dick and damian. they hug! often! at least they did #it's not as big a leap to these types of scenarios #also talia ''somewhat absent for complex reasons on both her and damians part but very loving and loved by her son'' al ghul #you will always be famous to me #son of the demon origin...bwahhh #anyway. someone made a comic kind of like this/like a post i made abt this topic #but way funnier bc dick and talia starting trying to beat each other up #so go look at that as well #anyway. it's been a somewhat difficult few weeks so I'm. desperately trying to take it easy #i got some reading with me (first vol of kevin smiths GA run that i found second hand and jaimes BB run vol 2!)#so we'll see how far i get through those. considering there's demons in my head telling me to re-read things (LET ME OUT!!!)#when i finish GA and BB i do plan on rereading robin 2021. as a treat to myself #it's a run I've really warmed up to as time went on #I'm keeping up w/ the current b&r run even though it is. admittedly very slow w/ some weird dialogue #i read it for the damian content more than anything. also nikas back so that's neat :]#idk I have a feeling that after absolute power shakes out we might get some more creative team switch ups #so if anyone at dc is interested in taking over the reigns on b&r...that could be very neat #mine

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hellspawnmotel · 6 months

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gorequeens

#as always this is not an endorsement of this media (except for og higurashi which fucking rules)#and uhhhh do some research before deciding to check any of these out #anyway patron saints of anime violence. guardian angels of goth teens. our ladies of excess and top 10 lists #elfen lied #higurashi no naku koro ni #higurashi #when they cry #school days #lucy elfen lied #rena ryuugu #kotonoha katsura #blood #violence #nudity #art tag #i drew this for myself and anyone else who was an edgy weeb at the same time i was #crossover

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spindlewoed · 1 year

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Look, listen. The smoker on the balcony is obsessed with beauty and the fine arts while Cindy the skull is a contemporary artist all about activism and I need them to interact so badly because they would have THEE most heated art debate of the century. Cindy would eat him alive but that's not the point their back and forth would be legendary you don't even know. Lesbian on gay man violence.

#disco elysium #smoker on the balcony #cindy the skull #also if I can allow myself a bit of indulgence. they both have some issues with the concept of home #cindy with her emphaty check and the smoker with the whole being an immigrant. I could elaborate if anyone cares #THIS close to writing fic except I'm not confident with my prose so if anyone out there wants to take this concept and run #please you have my blessing

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cemeterything · 5 months

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i need to be more passionate about math and science. just because i'm married to english literature doesn't give me an excuse to be ignorant. you can't write if you don't know anything.

#🐉#not a dig at anyone except myself but i refuse to take pride in my own ignorance #drags my hands down my face. i neeeeeed to apply myself to the technical side of my interests.

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immediatebreakfast · 9 months

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There are many explanations of why Mrs. Westenra decides to enter her daughter's bedroom in the middle of the night, and simply throw away all of the garlic flowers.

I know the doylist reasons behind Mrs. Westenra decision of throwing away her daughter's flowers. I know how the narrative needed more blood to oil the gears of the story. I know this was needed to wake up Van Helsing from his state of "don't ask because I won't tell".

But I just can't fathom why.

None of this would have happened if Dracula wasn't so offended that Lucy did not die when he drained her to the point of needing Arthur's blood. The fault lies on this monster who is enjoying this slow torture process because this poor young lady has people around that care about her. Dracula has been causing all of this.

And I still ask myself WHY.

The fault lies in Van Helsing? Absolutely, he thought that communication and explanation were not important enough while treating Lucy, and that decision smacked him in the face as he keeps losing time.

AND YET WHY, WHY THROW AWAY LUCY'S FLOWERS. THOSE WERE HERS.

It's not only the act of throwing away the flowers in the middle of the night while Lucy is sleeping, which is disregarding of Lucy's privacy. It's how smug Mrs. Westenra is after it, telling the two doctors who have been treating Lucy since the beginning.

Think about for a second! Jack and Van Helsing are established as Lucy's doctors. Both of them have been visiting her every day. Then, suddenly a bunch of strong smelling flowers appear in Lucy's room after they left. Yes both of them made the mistake of not telling anyone that the garlic flowers were medicine. However, Mrs. Westenra didn't even question what those were!

Think about the situation! WHO WOULD HAVE LEFT THESE FLOWERS IN LUCY'S ROOM. WHO IS VISTING LUCY FREQUENTLY ENOUGH TO LEAVE FLOWERS THAT SMELL SO STRONG. Jack is starting to lose hope already.

"What does it all mean? I am beginning to wonder if my long habit of life amongst the insane is beginning to tell upon my own brain."

Yet the only thing replaying in my mind is how happy Lucy felt yesterday. She woke up in the middle of the night to write about how happy she was because of the flowers, the care, the words, everything. Lucy even liked the smell of garlic! It was comforting! She was going to have her first time of good sleep in ages.

Those garlic flowers carefully put in all of her room, that beautiful flower wreath around her neck made by the doctor. Ripped away while Lucy was sleeping and vulnerable by a mother who thought that she could because those flowers are just in Lucy's room, so it means they are not important.

All of Lucy's flowers were thrown away. At least Ophelia got to keep hers.

Can this woman treat her only daughter like a person for once?

#''Oh but Dracula-'' don't give me bullshit the Count isn't paying attention to anyone except Lucy #Me to myself: Mrs Westenra is a plot device and she is doing what the narrative needs Mrs Westenra is a plot device and-#I understand that she is an older widow in her last few months to live BUT STILL #More power to the people being sympathetic towards her you are better than me #dracula daily #dracula #lucy westenra #mrs westenra #abraham van helsing #count dracula #jack seward

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imaybe5tupid · 10 days

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Why bother? (Why bother?) It's gonna hurt me. (It's gonna hurt me.) It's gonna kill when- (Why bother!) -You desert me! (Gonna hurt me!)

Set after Nightmare. Laios is reminiscing and contemplating.

#laishuro #laios touden #i make a lot of jokes on here since part of the fun of this blog for me is limiting myself to only expressing ideas via drawings #as much as I can to try to see what I can try to convey in the limited time I have to draw each day which is sometimes like 15minutes #but laios idea of who shuro was to him and who he continues to be and how it ties into his own feelings of self worth and self hatred #not to mention being so thoroughly defined by having never been indulged before by the men in his life #are so compelling to me #and then of course you mix in toshiros own mind prisons #and their established dynamic of him begrudgingly putting up with him because he feels he has to and bc hes cursed with obedience #whilst laios genuinely thinks shuro does it because he likes it and likes laios because why else would anyone act like that #when everyone else in his life has not hesitated to Let Him Know #this is what is so fun about relationships like this…forever passing by each other’s true feelings like ships in the night #and on toshiros side umineko said it best People are riddles. They want someone else to solve their riddle #they live life wanting someone to solve the riddle that they are #the most difficult riddle in the world #without love the truth cannot be seen sighhhh many such cases #sometimes i get embarassed how deep i get for some of the characters in this series it really is that deep sometimes but not always #but WHATEVER #i never even engaged in or was interested in shipping the several years i read dunmeshi EXCEPT laishuro lol #which i sadistically wanted to stay one sided and miserable forever. I rarely get fed such genuinely fraught dynamics as their one in manga #so i became obsessed #and walked through the desert alone for 40 years and then checked in as anime started airing that other people ship this and gaf #and decided to unleash the jokes and ideas that my like 2 friend who like anime previously suffered alone as though they were jesus christ #now tho as much as I still enjoy tragedy and pain and emotional suffering I’ve let love and peace and requited fulfilled yaoi into my life #with laishuro. and its great!#my comics

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docmcmeth · 1 year

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If numbers on scale go down, why no skeleton yet?

#tw ana relapse #tw ana related #tw ana shit #tw ana vent #tw ed relapse #tw ana #tw ed #tw ed vent #thinspo #not pro for anyone else except myself #why the fuck #ed memes

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flecks-of-stardust · 4 months

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[ID in alt text]

hi sorry still obsessed with this gif i got. it's so funny to me. my baby's little feets sticking out. the pearl in their hands. the slime mold 'walking.' the neuron glow receding. earlier i laughed so hard it hurt and it's still just as funny now watching this help

#rain world #ID in alt text #mentioned it in the ID but this is deserted wastelands! in the hydration system subregion #i had to get a screenshot of a room for a showcase but candy being glowy was. unhelpful. since i can't turn her neuron glow off #but also the screen i wanted to get had no walls to shove myself into (which is normally what i do to get the slugcat out of view)#the solution was to use DMS to remove all my sprites so i would be effectively invisible #except i still need to Get to that room. for that i need to see where i am #hence: slime mold #but then i started walking and laughed myself sick #gif warning #also i think it's pretty wild that almost everything you see in this gif was modded in #even candy is technically modded because i have pups+ on (though she ended up being a normal pup anyways)#candy's ID is 7661 if anyone would like to play with her

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chiropteracupola · 2 months

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in the mood for a modern au. banishing them to Community Theatre.

#em draws stuff #hornblower #william bush #horatio hornblower #archie kennedy #sometimes I receive a Highly Specific Divine Vision of Putting Them In A Situation. here's that situation.#would being hit by my Become A Stage Manager beam fix hornblower? probably not but who can say #he Would like three-ring binders though. [quickly cross-references] pity he perished before they were invented.#archie's tattoos are borrowed from jon dxppercxdxver's ideas and bush's are from one of sanguinity's fics!#(except for the wrist rope... made that one up myself because it felt like he needed a little something extra)#thank you to the normal men chat for understanding that bush's cargo shorts are 'in a lesbian way'. this is v important.#name suggestions for archie's service dog are welcome and if anyone comes up with something particularly wonderful #then I may do another drawing or two in this au... we'll see.

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getvalentined · 1 month

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Getting back on my Zack Is Canonically Polyamorous soapbox because the people need to know and also the number of people accusing Aerith of being unfaithful in Rebirth is absolutely fucking ridiculous when taking Zack's romantic escapades into account.

There are spoilers here, and I'm tagging accordingly, but I'm not putting it under a cut.

We know for a fact that Zack is in a relationship with Aerith. We've known this since the OG, although we didn't know most of the details back then, just that they were together. In Remake, Aerith describes Zack as her "first love." In Chapter 11 of Rebirth, the first memories of Zack that Cloud reclaims are of him talking about how great Aerith is, and Cloud describes him as being "head over heels" for her. In Chapter 8, we found out that Zack's parents were able to recognize her based entirely on Zack gushing about her when he wrote home—and this is one of the most important parts, honestly.

Zack has a thing with Cissnei. We don't know how deep it is, but throughout Crisis Core (and even in the summer event in Ever Crisis) we can see very clearly that there is something between them, and it's never treated like a big deal. She's never completely honest about her feelings, so we can assume he didn't know that she saw him as anything more than a casual thing, but they have a relationship. It's made explicitly clear that this is the case when Zack returns to Gongaga and she lets him know that she's spoken to his parents, and he warns her that they're basically going to suggest that she marry him.

Zack's parents know about his relationship with Aerith and they also apparently know enough about his relationship with Cissnei to suggest that she make that relationship "official." They want her to join the family. They asked, she apparently reciprocated, and she lives in Gongaga after Veld is "killed."

Cissnei is also aware that Zack is in a relationship with Aerith, but that doesn't stop her from pursuing him anyway. She gets it and she's okay with it. She never, at any point, tries to push him away from Aerith—she's the one that tells him how special Aerith is, how important, how lonely. She's supportive of his relationship, and doesn't seem to feel that it makes her own feelings or their relationship any less valid.

Okay, so that's proof that the people around him are, at the very least, okay with him having multiple partners. That doesn't necessarily mean he's poly, though, maybe he's just a womanizer and everyone accepts it. Weird, but possible. He's really endearing so maybe they all give him a pass.

But no! No this isn't it at all! And we know it because of how Zack responds to Aerith being in love with someone else in Rebirth. When he finds out that Aerith is has feelings for Cloud, there's not a hint of jealousy in a single thing he does or says. He's disappointed when Marlene says it's because he wasn't there, but it's not disappointment in Aerith or in Cloud—it's disappointment in himself, because Marlene is right. He wasn't there. He couldn't protect her. There's also no spite there, he never responds like her feelings are wrong because he's here now and that means Aerith can rely on him again, and we know that because of how he responds to this information.

Zack finds out that Aerith has feelings for Cloud, and his immediate mission is to make sure that Cloud recovers as quickly as possible. Now it's not just for him, it's not just because that's his friend, it's because Aerith loves him (too) and that means he has to save Cloud for both of them.

He's fully supportive of Aerith and Cloud having a relationship, to the point that the last thing he says to Cloud when he gets thrown into a dying timeline is a request that he take care of Aerith. He's not exactly passing the torch here, because he's still alive—but he doesn't know if he'll be able to meet back up with a version of Cloud that is awake again, and he needs Cloud to know that he supports them in this.

And then, in the dying timeline where Zack is banished after fighting Sephiroth, he has the ability to synergize with Cloud from across the multiverse. The DMW limit break connected to Aerith is active in the space. All three of them are together here, just not physically; Cloud and Aerith are protecting Zack as much as Zack has been struggling to protect them.

Zack loves that Aerith loves someone other than him because that's how he is too. Zack has multiple relationships at the same time, he loves multiple people at the same time, he has emotionally intimate connections with multiple people at the same time. Why would he take issue with the love of his life feeling the same way?

Cloud isn't his replacement any more than Cissnei and Aerith are interchangeable, and Zack understands that, because Zack is polyamorous—and he's really happy that Aerith may be, too.