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#like yeah he exists and is important to some people but has no bearing on my life whatsoever

queers-gambit · 4 months

Text

Opening Night and Open Hearts

prompt: opening night - a mother's fear, a locked walk-in freezer, confessions through a thick metal door, questioning what's deserved, and a proposal at The Bear after hours.

pairing: Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto x female!reader

fandom masterlist: FX's The Bear

word count: 9.8k+

note: i think i give enough background for you guys to feel as if you don't need to read any other relating works, but i linked the fics that could be read as a small series (maybe?) also let author be lonely in peace

warnings: reader nicknamed Peach, established relationship, cursing, spoilers, fluff, angst, relationship angst, hurt and comfort, Carmy still (desperately) needs a nap, depiction of physical illness, boys are dumb and emotions are hard, reader-insert, depiction of toxic family, OC Carmy that grovels a lot, not edited!

⚠️ season two, episode ten spoilers

not necessary to read, but other relating works with Peach:

Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant

God's Plan part two: Two to Tango

Neon Sticky Notes

"Hi, yes, I can hear you - sorry about that, I was just making note of your reservation," you spoke smoothly into the phone, trying not to ogle your boyfriend wrapped in only a clean blue towel. "So, that's a party of four for Monsieur Claude Badeaux - all right, that's so lovely. I'm obligated to remind everyone that tonight's opening is a fine dining experience and the proper, corresponding dress code is being asked for. Are there any allergies I should make note of for your party?"

"Jean Paul has a tree nut allergy," you were told.

"All right, that's noted and highlighted: Jean Paul has a tree nut allergy. If there's anything else I could help you with?"

"Non," he chuckled. "I was surprised to see your invitation to this evening, though, mon cher. It's been so long, yes?"

"Well, it was my pleasure to extend the offer, we're ecstatic by your reservation," you chuckled. "We'll see you tonight, Monsieur, and should you need anything before then, you may call this number again."

You said your parting words in French, smiling at Carmy when you hung up and dropped your work phone. "Did I hear that correct?" Your lover asked with a broad grin, "Was that...?"

"Senior marketing advisor at The Washington Post?" You filled in for him. "Uh, yeah, I think it was, but you know me - I could be wrong."

"You invited someone from The Washington Post to the opening tonight?"

"Is that okay?" You asked, standing from the bed after making note in your datebook. "You look kinda - I don't know, shocked?"

"I-I am," he blinked at you, watching you gather his pristine clothing to hang on the closet door. "But in a good way - I can't believe you did this," he chuckled, wiping his mouth. "I mean - holy shit, Peaches."

You offered a toothy grin, "Figured I could pull a few of my own strings to help get the word out about your love-child."

This made Carmy snicker, "Hey, now. Tonight's important, don't make fun."

"I know," you nodded, leading him back into the bathroom to view your hair products. "Which is why I invited some important people and some not-so important people. I know this is serious, Carmy," you smiled at him, hoping to convey your support, "and I wanted to help in whatever way I could."

"You being there tonight is more than I could ask for," he chuckled, helping you onto the small bathroom counter. You squirted a bit of hair product in your hand, watching him flinch back a little, "Uh, I just don't want my hair greasy, Peach, you know? Not a good look and I'll sweat it out in the kitchen."

"I feel like I should be offended by you having no trust in me," you teased, insisting, "I know whatcha need, baby, lemme help."

Carmy smiled softly and held still, letting you run your hands through his curls to push everything back and away from his forehead in a stylish but manageable "do". There was a silent, serene moment as you and Carmy just existed together in a mundane space, his big, sad eyes watching your face as you worked. He wondered, "Think tonight's gonna be okay?"

"I think tonight's gonna be more than okay," you assured softly. "I think tonight's gonna go better than you're anticipating."

He sighed and planted his hands on either side of you, suddenly dropping his gaze. "I, uh... Sugar invited Mom t'tonight..."

"Yeah, I know."

"You know?"

"Sugar and I are still friends outside of us dating, Carmy," you smiled patiently, slowing your hands so you more toyed with his curls; pushing some strands behind his ears. "She needs someone as much as you do and I don't mind."

"But isn't that what Pete's for?"

"Yes, but you know, Pete's Pete."

Carmy snorted, "Yeah, yeah, good point."

"I don't know if she'll show up tonight, Bear, but whether she does or doesn't, it won't matter - you're not doing this for her. This is for you, Carmy, tonight's about The Bear opening - it's about you and this incredible, amazing thing you've done. Okay?" You caressed both his cheeks in your hands so he could only look at you directly. "If she shows, that's great," you whispered with a soft smile as your thumbs swept the apples of his cheeks, "and if she doesn't, it won't make tonight any less special. That, I can promise."

Carmy's forehead met yours, both pausing to breathe together; peace always a fleeting feeling as of late and being something you both capitalized on. You brought him in closer for an embrace, his face burying in your neck as your arms snaked around his to keep him as close as possible. His arms were tight around your waist, legs spread to accommodate him; both needing the feel of being close before that night's inevitable stressful event.

"Wow, well, don't you look all pretty! Wow, Peach," Pete greeted you when you scurried to the table with your friend in tow. "Oh, hi there!"

"Pete, this is my best friend, Danielle, and Dani, this is Pete, Sugar's husband."

"Hi, it's really nice to meet you," your friend greeted, the two instantly chattering as they both just blew past their introductions to instantly compliment one another's clothes. You smirked, knowing they'd get along famously, and looked around the brand new, packed restaurant.

"Hey, there she is, my pretty girl," Richie greeted smoothly, approaching your standing form to slide his hand around your shoulders.

"Hi, Cousin," you beamed, offering him a hug in greeting. "The place looks fantastic - it's so - I mean - just wow, Richie," you complimented. "You guys did such an amazing job. I need to tell Fak, too, this is - you guys should be so proud, it looks incredible. Hardly can believe what it was before this."

"It really is something, huh?" He grinned. "Hey, Pete," he nodded.

"Hey, Richie."

"And you must be the famous, the fabulous Miss Danielle?"

"That's me," your friend grinned. "You're Richie, right? Carmy's cousin who's not really a cousin but is as good as blood?"

"Yes, ma'am, the very same," he nodded with pride. "We've some drinks coming your way in just a moment, but I need to borrow Peach for just one second."

"Why do they call her Peach?" Dani asked, but Richie was leading you away as Pete was heard answering,

"Oh, because she mastered this peach cobbler with Carmy's mom, Donna, and she started the nickname..."

"What's wrong?" You asked softly with a smile as to not give the illusion to others that you were worried. "What can I do to help?"

"No, no, nothing too bad, you were just requested by the Frenchie-French guy."

"Oh, right, that's right, yeah, I can help with that," you sighed gently, smiling as you approached the table. Greeting the two men and women was easy, Richie impressed by your connections in the professional world. Tonight, The Washington Post didn't just dine with them - no, it was also the director of social media for three luxury, designer brands: Jean-Paul.

Yes, the man was so elusive that he just went by Jean-Paul. Fuck a last name!

Either way, it impressed Richie to hear the introductions. The two women were executives in their own companies, names Richie didn't catch because he was busy taking note of the way Mr. Frenchie-French was basically eye fucking you in front of them all.

"Well," Richie smiled stiffly, "tonight's incredibly special for us. In fact, uh, Y/N's boyfriend is the owner and head chef."

"Really?" Frenchie-French perked his brows, shifting his gaze over to you. "You always had a soft spots for chefs, non? For those who were versed in the culinary arts?"

"Well, mostly I appreciated a man in the kitchen simply because I burn water and would probably unintentionally starve myself," you teased easily, deflecting the man's subtle dig. "I'm actually here with family tonight, so, please, ladies and gentlemen, enjoy tonight - I know I'm biased when I say the food is exceptional, but I look forward to your own opinions."

"We will talk later, mon cher, I am sure there will be plenty to discuss," the Frenchman promised, kissing the back of your hand as you let Richie lead you away by your free hand.

You released a long sigh, muttering, "Bring them a bottle of real champagne, please, Richie, I had a few bottles imported just for them. Listen closely," you lowered your voice as you both paused on the side of the dining room, "bring them a bowl of thin sliced strawberries sprinkled in sugar and pop the cork at their table - it's impressive for whatever reason."

Richie pecked your temple and gave you a tight squeeze, "I got it all covered, girly. You all right? Look like you're gonna be sick?"

"Just men being men grosses me out, I guess," you sighed with a small shrug. "He's always had a thing for me, I figured I'd use that to get him here tonight - Carmy's work speaks for itself, but maybe he'd be inclined to publish an article or two for us if I play nice."

Richie paused you a few feet from your table, complimenting, "I hope Carmy knows he doesn't deserve you, Peach."

"You said years ago neither of us did," you smirked gently. "Said I wasn't relationship material, right? Remember?"

"I was wrong," he nodded. "I even said y'all would never be serious, but..." He scoffed to himself, "I've never seen that boy so crazy about anyone in his life. You've really changed him, Peach. I don't really know how to thank you."

"You can start by buttering up those flirty Frenchmen," you teased, giving his cheek a peck.

"On it," he winked, parting from your side.

Inside the kitchen some twenty minutes later, Richie approached Carmy, directing his attention, "Cousin?"

"Yo."

"Peach is on 17 with Pete."

"Okay."

"Go say hi."

"Yeah, eventually," Carmy nodded absently, never halting his work.

"Eventually?" Richie repeated with distain, something in his stomach twisting.

"Where the fuck is Josh!?" Carmy called into the kitchen, another chef echoing his concerns.

"Yo!" Richie barked as calmly as he could, "Just go say hi to your girl, Cousin."

"Yo, I'll go when I have a minute," Carmy deflected strongly. "I'm in the fuckin' shit, leave me the fuck alone."

"What? I'm saying - "

"I'll get there when I can get there!"

"I'm saying!"

"What?" Carmy barked.

"She's got important fucking people in that dining room, man," Richie scoffed, hands held up in defense. "Just for your ungrateful ass! Maybe the least you can do is go say fuckin' hi - even if you're fuckin' busy. She knows that, it'd be a nice gesture - or whatever fuckin' shit - I don't know! She's your girl!"

"Yeah! Exactly!" Carmy barked. "She's my fuckin' girl, she knows the fuckin' drill, I'll go say fuckin' hi when I get the fuckin' chance, Richie! Fuck's sake! Always tryna meddle and shit!"

"Jesus, fuck," Richie sighed, turning out of the kitchen with his hands waving Carmy off in defeat.

You were none the wiser, entertained by Pete and Dani's gabbing as Sugar was in-and-out, dealing with all the little things going wrong. These little things came to her in the form of notes left at the table subtly for her to go solve, you wanting to help but being shot down every time. Eventually, Carmy was approaching your table with a tray of food, shocking you slightly.

"Hey, Peach," He greeted softly, lowering the tray to balance on the table and lean over to kiss your cheek. "You look gorgeous, baby, wow," he complimented in a whisper, offering another quick kiss.

"Thank you, Chef," you smiled brightly, touching his forearm in a sign of affection. "What's all this you've got for us?"

He hummed and explained what he set on the table in front of you guys; eyes alight and cheeks flushed from the heat of the kitchen. He poured whatever sauce came with the main dish, smiling at Dani, nodding to Pete, then looking to you.

"I'll check on you later, all right, baby?" He mumbled, watching you nod. "I gotta get back," he whispered, "but thank you for being here, my pretty girl."

"No where else I'd rather be, Cream," you rushed, letting his lips find yours briefly.

"Stick around after, would you? When we close, just... Don't leave yet."

"Yes, Chef," you whispered against his lips with a grin. He gave one single more kiss before pulling away to stand upright.

"Enjoy," he bid the table before walking away.

"So, like," Dani trailed after making sure Carmy was out of earshot, "when's the wedding? 'Cause that might've been the cutest thing I've seen. I mean, opening night, he's cooking, but paused to come serve us? Serve you? And he's so soft with you, kissin' you, bein' all cute," she pouted dramatically. "I want a reason to wear a maid of honor dress, please."

"Hey, hey, chill on us. There's no wedding," you sighed with a small laugh, trying to play off how the subject made your stomach twist. "We haven't really talked about it, you know? No biggie."

"What?" She sputtered. "Wait, hang on. Y'all have been together - like - a stupid, ridiculous amount of time. The fuck you mean you haven't talked about it? What are y'all doing, just ignoring the elephant in the room?"

You shrugged lightly, "I don't know, we know if we ever got married, it'd be to each other, but that's really it. We know we want to be together, we know we want to marry each other, but there's been no serious conversation about it."

"Uh, does that sound right to you?" Dani asked Pete.

He shook his head as you all took dainty bites of food to savor the flavors (and save Sugar some). "When I knew with Natalie, I didn't hesitate."

"Well, Carmy isn't like you, Pete," you defended. "He's got a lot on his plate, too, you know?"

"You've said that since Mikey," Dani frowned, her voice quiet.

"With good reason, don't you think? Carmy's just - he's just going through a lot right now and it's a challenge, you know?"

"No, it's more like Carmy's got the emotional intelligence of a fucking teaspoon!"

"Hey," you snapped, "that's not his fault, he doesn't know much better, so watch your mouth."

"He does with you, like... He knows better when he's with you, when it comes to you, Peach," Pete offered softly. "Look, maybe Danielle has a point - it is a little weird. I mean, you guys have been together, what? Six, almost seven years? Creeping up on a decade of just dating - that's a long time. And didn't you guys do that weird little half-dating thing for two years before making it official? Don't you think that's enough time to know if you want to marry someone, and then, you know? Actually marry them? Or at least ask them?"

"Sure, maybe to other people, but Carmy and I have never been conventional, so, I don't see why we need to start now."

Danielle scoffed, "Look, God love Carmy and everything, but you're just wasting time now. He needs to either commit or let you find someone who can actually love you like you deserve."

"Oh, and Carmy doesn't?"

"Wasn't all that long ago that you two took a break 'cause he called you clingy - and some other unsavory terms," Danielle shrugged. "Doesn't really sound like someone who loves you unconditionally - the way you should be loved."

You sighed and sat back in your chair, "I appreciate the insight, but Carm and I are fine. Okay? We've got years under our belts, we don't want to fuck up what obviously works for us so chill out on the questions, okay? I don't have answers to them."

Danielle and Pete shared a look before the man got up to excuse himself to the restroom. You and Dani finished your meals before sipping your wine, waiting for Pete, but Dani sighed, "This lady's been staring in here for, like, ten minutes already. It's freezing, doesn't she want to come in?"

"Hmm? What're you - ?"

"This lady on the street," your friend pointed over her shoulder towards the window her back was now turned to.

When you peaked out, you gasped lightly when you saw Donna Berzatto smoking a cigarette. "Oh, shit!" You stood from your seat, rushing, "Okay, so, uh, yeah - just - can you just sit here for a second? I have to go handle that."

"Who is it?" Dani wondered earnestly.

"I got it, Peach," Pete told you, passing by the table swiftly with a hand patting your shoulder to keep you at your table.

"What the hell's happening?" Dani asked. "Who is that?"

"Nothing, no one, it's okay, I think that's someone we know, just, uh, hang on a second? We'll be right back."

"Sure," she nodded in confusion, watching you get from your seat and follow Pete out the door onto the blistering cold sidewalk.

"Hey, Mama Donna," you greeted happily, arms crossing over your chest to protect from the wind. "Have you been inside yet? We saved you a seat and all, but isn't this - just wow?" You grinned, trying to encourage her to say anything about her children's hard work.

"Oh, no, no, not you, too, Peach, why are you here?" She groaned lightly, looking upset and close to tears.

"I'm here 'cause of Carmy? I-It's opening night, yeah?" You offered in confusion. "Why? What's wrong, Mama D?" You worried, glancing at an emotional Pete.

"No, it's just, I can't come in, I can't, just no," she backed away, only now making you notice the way Pete cried. "I'm so sorry, Peach, honey, but I was never here. Okay? I-I'll call them later, I swear, I promise, I'll call them - but I-I-I wasn't here. Okay? You can't tell them I was here. I'm so sorry."

"Donna, don't do this," you begged, head shaking. "Don't, please. Just come in with Pete and I - just sit there for a bit. Just come in and see what your kids have done - Donna, it's so beautiful. You'd be so proud, but you should really see it for yourself - "

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I can't, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, not tonight, no, I'm sorry, I can't," she deflected in a rambling mumble, turning and hustling down the sidewalk with her head shaking like a Etch-A-Sketch.

You rounded on Pete, "What the hell was that? Pete, what just happened?"

"Um, I-I don't - I didn't mean to."

"Pete? What didn't you mean?"

"She didn't tell her mom about the baby," he rushed, tears falling. "Nat didn't tell Donna, Peach, and I think I just did - I think I just fucked up and told her."

"Oh, no... No, Pete, you didn't."

"I didn't mean to! I swear it was an accident!"

"No, I know you didn't mean to, honey," you rushed, opening your arms to bring him in for a tight hug. "Oh, you poor boy, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Pete."

He sighed, "I'm sorry, too, Peach."

"For what?"

"That... We fell in love with Berzattos and this is our new normal now, right?" He sniffled.

You half-smiled, "Yeah, something like that. But it's okay. See, where Donna's afraid to give her love, neither of us are. Sugar and Carm deserve that from us, right? To be authentic and just love them?"

He nodded, "Yeah, you're right."

"And that's all we gotta do... Is love them, Pete."

"God knows where else they'd get it," he huffed, wiping his face. "Hey, um, I'll be in, in a second - I just need a minute alone, I think, in the cold."

"Take all the time you need," you agreed.

"We're not - we're not telling them about this, right?"

You sighed, "No, I don't think so - at least right now. It might hurt them more, you know? To know Donna was here, but never came in. That she ran away... Again. It'll hurt, they deserve to be happy about tonight."

Pete nodded rapidly, looking like he was gonna burst into tears. Instead of going back inside, you just moved to Pete's side and stood there; producing a cigarette, lighting it, offering Pete a drag that he turned down, and the both of you just standing silently; one smoking, one crying, both processing.

"Wow, look at these gorgeous ladies! By far the baddest in the whole place! Yeah, man!" Fak teased as he approached you and Danielle after closing the The Bear officially. "What a privilege to have you both dine with us this evening! Ugh, truly an honor to see you both here," he praised comically, evening giving a small bow that his brother mimicked.

Your eyes rolled, "You're laying it on really thick when I already tipped you." He snickered with Theo. "Hey, seriously, though, tonight was incredible. I mean, it was all so beautiful, you should all be so proud."

"Oh, we are," Neil giggled, his brother hanging off his shoulders.

"Good," you teased. "Uh, is now an okay time to go back and see him? Kinda wanna offer my compliments to the chef directly, you know?"

"No," Fak answered instantly, "uh, well, probably not the best time."

"Yeah, probably not," Theodore echoed.

"I can sense you two ramping up to something," you sighed, "so, I'm gonna ask you skip all that and tell me what's wrong. Why can't I go see my boyfriend? He just had an incredibly successful opening night, I kinda wanna kiss him if you don't mind."

"Um, well, h-he didn't want you to worry, so, he said not t'tell you, but, uh... Yeah, no, Carmy's, like, locked in the walk-in freezer. Han Solo style."

"What?"

"Locked in the walk-in," Fak nodded rapidly, "yeah, no, the handle - like, the whole handle came off. He's locked in, Peach..."

"Oh, my fucking God," you breathed. "Are you saying he - he missed opening night? Neil!"

"Yeah, kinda... Well, sorta - I mean, technically, but - "

"Oh, Jesus," you breezed past them all.

"Mmm-mmm, the fridge guy's name is Terry," Tina corrected Carmy, flinching a little when he slapped the other side of the metal door he was locked behind.

"See, th-tha-that's what I'm talking about!" Carmy raged. "I'm so fucking distracted, and for what? For fucking what? 'Cause of a girl?" He chuckled ruefully to himself.

"Nuh-uh, don't do that, Carmy," Tina scolded. "That's not no girl, that's your girl, that's Peach - you don't lash out at her, baby."

"Yo, maybe - maybe I'm just not built for this. Right? Maybe that's okay! Maybe that just is. She'd be better off, Tina... I'm just - I'm not built for this."

But what Carmy didn't hear was Sydney asking Tina to cover her at the front because she needed to step out the back, get some air; Tina accepting and telling Carm to hang on a moment. Something he missed. While Tina took Syd's spot, Syd rushed outside, and you slipped in the kitchen door; Carmy being surrounded by shitty ripped tape and an entire side full of the flowers he had brought in for tonight - for you. It was a haunting reminder; something suffocating.

When you got to the walk-in, you were prepared to call out for Carmy, but he started speaking from within, halting any word on your tongue.

"I wasn't here b-because I was looking a-a-at fucking engagement rings when the fridge guy fuckin' called," Carmy ranted, your heart stalling in your chest. "Right? Like, what the fuck was I thinking? Like I was gonna get married? Commit to this relationship? Be h-her fucking husband or some shit? Have a fucking wife? I'm a fucking - I'm a fuckin' psycho!" He laughed a little, the tears springing to your eyes as his words disarmed your heart and emotional dam. "That's why! That's why I'm good at what I do! That's how I operate! I am the best because I didn't have any of this fuckin' bullshit, right? I could - I could focus and I could concentrate and I had a routine and I - and I had fuckin' cell reception, and Peach and I just had our own routine! We didn't need this extra bullshit, and now..."

You just listened, leaning on the freezer's door, tears silently leaking down your cheeks as you had the horrendous realization that you were what now slowed Carmy down. You were what currently stood in his way, when this whole time, you thought you were helping; making things easier; supporting him. No... No, his words rattled your heart to accept that you were now the bane; the object of his ire. You and your relationship was what was wrong and was causing Carmy hurt and professional complications.

Something you never wanted to contribute towards. You both always said if this relationship got to be too hard, you'd walk away. Better to feel anger than resentment; and now, you knew you had to walk away else risk that resentment fester.

Carmy started up again, "I don't need to provide amusement or enjoyment, I don't need to be someone's 'to have and to hold'. I don't need to receive any amusement or enjoyment, nor for someone to have and hold me... And I'm completely fine with that. Because no amount of good is worth how terrible this fucking feels." You were ready to open your mouth, but he finished by nailing the final nail in the coffin of your relationship, "It's just a complete waste of fuckin' time - entertaining what I know I shouldn't. Being in this relationship, trying to give what I don't have, wasting everyone's time."

You took your chance, speaking through your tears, "I'm really sorry you feel that way, Carmen."

"Peach?" Carmy rasped from behind the door, sounding more alert than he had before. "Baby? Hey, hey, Peaches? That you? Peach - hey. Hey," he sounded desperate as you backed away from the door, a fist pounding into the metal, "hey, no, Y/N? Y/N!" The seriousness settled over you both, Carmen understanding you heard a lot more than ever intended and once those words are out there, there's no getting them back. "Y/N, baby? Hey, no, no, Y/N - listen to me - hey, no, no! I-I didn't know you were there, baby, okay? No, Y/N, please - tell me you're there now, let me explain." He paused. "Let me explain! Please! C'mon, baby, please, let me fucking explain - tell me you're still there! Y/N? Y/N!"

You sniffled and walked away, feeling smaller than you ever had in your life. You barely noticed when the kitchen door opened, not until a figured dressed in black stopped you. "Peach? Hey, hey," Richie halted you - taking note of the tears. "What's wrong? What happened? Are you okay - who fuckin' did it?"

You just stared at Richie for a long moment, opening your mouth twice before sighing and smiling sadly. "I never wanted to be what got in his way," you whispered sadly. "I'm sorry, Richie."

"Peaches, hey, what's - "

But you reached up to kiss his cheek, "Tonight was so beautiful, Cousin, and I'm so fucking proud of you all. Thank you for everything - not just tonight, Richie, but everything you do." You smiled again, whispering, "Take care of him. Okay? He'll need you."

"What're you talking about? What's going on? Where are you going? Hey, where are you going, Peach, please?"

"Have a good night, Richie, I love you," you whispered, leaving out the kitchen door as quickly as you could. "Hey," you sniffled, approaching Dani with the Fak Brothers, "can we go now, please?"

"Are you okay?" Dani worried in shock.

"I'd really like to go, Dani, please," you rushed, throwing your coat on and smiling at the Brothers as if your heart wasn't in pieces. "Thanks again for tonight, you guys, it was magical."

"Peach? Wait, hey, are you okay, baby? What just happened?" Neil worried, watching you snatch Dani's hand, but pause when screaming was heard from the kitchen. Everyone stared at the door, Neil muttering, "The fuck are they...?"

"Now, Dani, please," you whimpered to your friend, who wasted no time in escorting you out of The Bear. The moment you were outside, you burst into sobs, Dani grunting a little as she lead you down a side alley to lean you on a brick wall and beg you to breathe normally.

"What the hell just happened? Hey, honey, you need to breathe," she smoothed hair off your face - but it was like you were drowning in the air with the way you gasped and gaped and panted and whimpered and choked yourself.

"I-I-I-I think - I think w-we're done, I think we're done, I think - oh, fuck - I think we just broke up," you sobbed, hands on your knees. "Oh, my God, Dani," you whimpered, "I-I think - I think we're done, Danielle, oh, my fucking God. I-I heard things tonight that I just - I can't not know, anymore! He said - fuck! He was just so candid, he didn't know I was there so h-he was sayin' things I have t-to now confront - and I really didn't fucking want to! He just - he doesn't want to really marry me, D, and-and-and he was apparently looking a-a-a-at rings - fucking engagement rings! But then he said that w-was the issue - he missed the fridge guy's call 'cause he was looking at fucking rings for me and this is why he missed opening night - 'cause the fucking fridge broke! Oh, my God, Danielle, i-i-it's my fault, it's my fucking fault, he missed the most important night of his life and it's my fault - "

You were cut off by your stomach lurching, emptying your insides onto the pavement. The delicious appetizer, the tantalizing main course, Marcus' fresh baked bread that was delightfully soft on the inside yet baked crisp on the outside, and every bit of the sweetened dessert - all wasted on Chicago bricks.

"Okay, okay, ah, shit, just get it out, babe, there you go," Danielle held your hair, catching you in a suffocating hug once you were done puking. "I've got you, babe, I've got you. You're okay, no, hey, this isn't your fault. I've got you, come on. I think we need pints of ice cream and the saltiest pretzels we can find," she pushed some hair from your sticky forehead, pouting dramatically, "maybe some Pepto? Few Saltines and ginger ale? C'mon, we're going back to mine, there's a good girl," she coaxed you from the ground and away from the wall, "c'mon, you're stronger than this. There's my girl, here we go, just one foot in front of the other - together, with me, just like that."

You sobbed, not knowing that Sydney and her father stood listening just a few feet away behind a set of dumpsters.

The moment the freezer's door was open and Carmy was free, he was sprinting around the kitchen to grab his coat, leave Neil in charge of closing, and racing out the door as the Fak Brothers yelled at him for hurting your feelings.

"Hey, hey, hey, Chef! Carmy, wait!" Sydney chased him outside.

"No time!"

"Wait! She went with her friend!"

Carmy came to a tripping halt, catching himself before he hit the pavement before whirling around to approach her, "What?"

"Her friend? She was with some girl tonight?"

"Yeah - yeah, yeah, yeah, uh, um, that's - yeah, that's Danielle," Carmy nodded. "Her best friend, yeah, they were here tonight, sitting with Pete and Sugar."

"Listen, Carmy, I heard them when they left the restaurant... Peach was really upset, like, more upset than I've ever heard, saying you two broke up? Or something? She cried so hard, Carm, she actually threw up, it sounded like she was in genuine distress. I-I didn't know if I should've intervened, but her friend was with her and helping."

"Shit - fuck - Goddamnit," he seethed. "All right, thank you - "

"I doubt they went to your place, I think I heard her friend saying they were going to her apartment."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, great, I know where Dani lives, thanks Syd!" Carmy bid, sprinting in the other direction - never bothering with the public bus system, just running into the night. Sydney was left to sigh on the sidewalk, Neil and Theo joining her before Richie followed - all watching Carmy disappear down the sidewalk.

"He's a fucking idiot," Richie shook his head.

"What the hell even happened?" Syd asked.

"Carmy mouthed off in the walk-in, Peach heard it all," Richie supplied. "You know the dumbass was gonna propose tonight?"

"What?" Syd blinked in shock.

"Yeah," Neil tacked on, "we had a whole plan and everything. Candles, soft music, flowers - there's a bunch of flower bouquets in the walk-in."

"I'm sure that was hard for Carm to look at," Syd sympathized.

"Doesn't excuse whatever he said," Richie snapped. "She looked devastated."

"She cried so hard, she threw up in the alley," Syd frowned.

"How do you know?" Neil asked.

"I heard her," the other chef frowned. "My dad and I - we actually both heard her."

"Jesus fuck," Richie seethed.

"I mean... Should we still set up?" Theo wondered to his brother. "What if they kiss and make up, like always? Carmy might still wanna go through with the proposal, right? You know?"

"Maybe," Neil trailed, looking at Richie.

"I don't fucking know," he sighed, hands on his hips.

"She thinks they broke up, I imagine whatever she heard was pretty nasty," Sydney frowned. "Think they'll really make up tonight?"

"Let's hope," Richie sighed. "That fuckin' idiot isn't gonna find anyone better than Peach. Fuck," he looked around the city street. "All right, fuck it, fine, let's fucking set up. Not like the jackass deserves it, but let's do it for Peach."

Neil and his brother grinned at each other, turning to hustle back into The Bear - leaving Sydney and Richie on the street. No words were exchanged, just silent shakes of their heads before they followed the Faks with the intention to help set up for a proposal nobody even knew if would still happen.

The cold night burned Carmy's lungs, but it was nothing compared to the feeling of suffocation he felt earlier when listening to one of your voicemails while trapped.

Your words were sweet as pie, as they usually were; a voicemail left when you were still at work, but feeling so excited to see him that night that you just had to call him. You reminded him of the adoration and love you held for him, relaying how proud you felt - and that you knew Mikey would be, too. You were always doing that, reassuring Carmy; and maybe that's why he felt so freaked out, he wasn't used to it. Even after almost 7 years together, he just wasn't used to what he didn't know he deserved.

Because Carmy didn't think he deserved anything remotely close to love, understanding, compassion, patience, and / or reassurance.

He had sobbed out loud as he locked his phone, not having the heart to delete your message. He often never did - he liked listening to your voice on long, hard nights; it brought him peace when the world felt too loud. He also kept whatever little notes you left for him, even going as far as to get a few of your hand-drawn hearts tattooed on his forearm. One for each anniversary you've shared together. He realized he never wanted to be without you and all his doubts and fear was him projecting his own incompetence towards this relationship; so, he locked his phone, he didn't delete your message.

The moment the fridge door had been opened, Carmy was out of there, shot off like a Roman Candle - your words of love and understanding still ringing in his ears as he was freed. He needed to apologize, and he needed to apologize right fucking now.

The whole run to Danielle's apartment, Carmy wasn't sure what to say to you; mulling over different ideas in his head. He tried to plan his speech, but the only thing he could think of was how much he loved you and that the ring in his pocket weighed a hundred pounds.

He pounded at Danielle's door. Carmy paced slightly as he waited, knocking frantically, and surely waking the neighbors - but that didn't matter. All that mattered was talking to you, something he was desperate to accomplish. When the door opened, your friend offered a stale look and shook her head, "Nope."

"Dani, please," he halted the closing door, "it's all a misunderstanding, I swear to God, please, just - let me try to fix this. Please, okay? I-I need her - I fucking need her and I have to fix this 'cause she's all that matters, okay? So, let me talk to her - please. Please, Danielle!"

"Yeah? The only thing?"

"More than anyone, more than anything - more than The fucking Bear, I swear to fucking God, Danielle! Just - Just one chance, please. I-I don't know how it all got so fucked, but please, I have to try - "

"Whatever you said in that freezer, Carmen, fucking gutted her, you hear me?" Dani stood in her doorway protectively. "Should've had your ass frozen for the hurt you caused her. How the fuck do you intend on making this right? Huh? It's been almost a fucking decade, dude, if you're seriously still afraid of commitment, just fuck off and leave her alone. Let her walk away 'cause I promise, there's a line of dudes who would love to put a ring on her loyal-ass finger - "

"Please, let me fix this," Carmy begged, sounding close to tears. "I need her, Danielle, please."

"It's okay, D," a voice whispered from behind Danielle, and when she turned, you were revealed - jacket and purse in hand, looking completely exhausted, drained, and disheveled. "I'm just tired, Dani, but we have to talk about this... So, I'll go home with him and call you tomorrow, okay?"

"You sure?"

"It's a decent walk, gives us too much time to talk," you shrugged, refusing to meet Carmy's bloodshot eyes. "Thanks for tonight, sorry I was such a mess," you whispered, hugging your best friend since pre-school.

"Girl, don't you ever apologize to me. But hey, look, I don't know, you were just drowning in your tears, like, five minutes ago. Sure you really wanna go? You can stay here as long as you'd like, girl, fuck him."

"Better to work it out now than later, I guess," you whispered, letting her kiss your cheek and see you guys out.

"She calls me cryin', Carmen, I'll kick your ass," She threatened as you moved down the apartment's hall. You might've snickered just a little, but the amusement was wiped clean when you rounded the corner and came up to the elevators.

Now that it was just you two, it was dreadfully awkward.

"Baby - "

"Just - don't talk for right now, Carmen," you sighed, shaking your head. "I'm still digesting all you said."

He frowned when you walked onto the elevator without a single emotion on your face, following you, and when on the ground floor, moved out to head home. It was quiet, it was awkward; only the sounds of traffic filling the space between you as you walked.

"Listen," he started with a long sigh, "you came in at the worst time, Peach, heard some shit you shouldn't have that I-I didn't even mean. I was just," he paused, sighing, "really angry and frustrated, fucking running my mouth 'cause I didn't know what else to do."

"Sounded like I came in at the best time since you're not very forthcoming with emotions. So, hearing your confession put a lot in perspective for me, Carm."

"I was just angry, Peach," he frowned, hands deep in his pockets. "Felt like I was self sabotaging myself, I wasn't sure what else to feel. So, I just lashed out. I didn't mean it, but I just felt like being angry... So fucking angry, baby, I just - I didn't know what else to feel."

"I don't know if I can be with someone like that," you whispered. "Someone who throws our relationship under the bus when he's angry, someone who's first line of defense is apparently to blame the relationship he's been in for over half a decade with the same girl. Someone you've known your whole life..."

"Peach - "

"If it's that easy for you to just disregard us, I don't think we should continue this."

Carmy took a breath and reached out to pull you to a stop. He dug in his pocket for a moment, then showed you the black velvet jewelry box. "I was gonna propose tonight, when everyone was gone," he explained when you took the box to open gingerly. "I think because that was on my mind already, something I was more than nervous to actually do, you're right, it did become my first line of defense to blame us - not just you, baby, but us. You and me... Mostly me, though," he chuckled sadly. "You're this perfect, sweet angel who just loves me out loud when I don't deserve it, and I'm... I'm just me," he sighed, eyes reddening. "And I know I'm never gonna be enough for you, I think I started to get in my head about if you said no. How I missed the call from Terry about the fridge 'cause I was picking out an engagement ring that you didn't even want, that you rejected - rejected me; and in turn, I missed opening night, and it all just - it got to a boiling point. Look, Peach, it's never been a secret that I don't think I deserve you... But I wanted to be the man that could at least give you an honest try of my best. You've stuck by me the past seven years when you should've ran for the hills, and I knew I wanted us for life years ago - but everything was still so up in the air. So confusing. So fucked up. I figured, after opening tonight, if things went t'plan, I could propose - prove to you that we're on our feet and there weren't any rugs to be pulled."

"What if things didn't go to plan?" You whispered.

"We're kinda living it now," he admitted, hand rubbing the back of his neck. "But even if tonight was all a total failure, I know I might've still done it because it's you, Peach. It's you... I've known for years you're who I want, I just never knew how to do this - to move us forward. You're my first relationship, hopefully my only relationship, and I just didn't know how to advance us. I think when things got real for me, my insecurities crept in, and I just reacted - I didn't think."

"We always said when this wasn't healthy or when this wasn't good for us anymore, we'd walk away," you reminded. "That we'd rather be sad or angry about a breakup instead of letting resentment fester from being together."

"It's still good for me, Peach, we're still good," he whispered, stepping closer. "Is it still good for you? Or did I lose you completely tonight?"

"I don't know, Carmy, you've been lashing out a lot lately. At me specifically."

"And with The Bear now open, I-I should be okay. You know? Back to normal?"

You chuckled dryly, "I see, back to your high walls? Emotional constipation?"

"Then maybe not normal," he corrected, "because I just needed to get us here, to tonight, to opening, and then show you that it's over. Show you that part of our lives is over and we only have more adventures to look forward to. Not ones like this, though," he gestured up the street, your eyes cutting over and realizing you were back at The Bear.

"Do you really think you're a psycho?"

He chuckled, "After tonight? Yeah, pretty convinced... Plus, I, uh, I saw in the freezer the way we're labeling things - and got angry about it. Angry about the way we were tearing tape and labeling things. It was so fucking stupid, but I just - I felt so crazy. I still do, I still feel like my head doesn't make sense and I'm a bit, you know... Crazy."

You nodded slowly, "Then how can you promise me this kinda shit won't happen again?"

"I don't think I can, but I can make you the promise that I am working on it; trying to identify when I feel reactive, trying to calm that down. I'm trying, Peach, I really am - it's just... Taking a lot of time," he sighed sadly. "And I know you don't have any more left to give me."

"I've already given you this many years," you reminded softly, "I think I could spare another or two if it meant you getting your shit together, that you get better, stop feeling so crazy."

"I don't deserve anymore time - "

"I think you need to step back and reevaluate what it means to be deserving because you always say that. That you don't deserve something - even as simple as time. Everyone deserves time and opportunity to figure shit out, Carmy, and you're no exception."

He nodded, "I'm... Trying." He took a long, deep breath, "I'm, uh... Going to meetings, you know, like, uh, Al-Anon and whatever."

"That's good, they're there to help," you nodded, stepping closer to take his hands in yours after closing the ring box and stuffing it back in his pocket. "Now, I think you need to do something."

"Anything, Peach."

"Take my hand, bring me back to The Bear, and go about your plan."

He froze in shock, blinking at you in earnest, "You really mean that?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"No, ma'am, and I think that scares me more."

"You'd rather break up? 'Cause at this point, Carm, we either move forward with this engagement and fucking work our shit out, or we break up. It's been almost a decade. It's your choice, you're the one who was saying he couldn't be someone's husband, that he didn't need to provide anyone nor have them provide you with anything. So, you tell me what you want to do - because all I know is that I love you, I want you for life, but not if you're going to resent me and regret moving our relationship forward. I don't need to get married, Carmy, but you can't keep jerking me around like you have been. So... Make a decision based on what you want - based on what's best for you. Not what's best for us, but put yourself first right now, Carmy, and make a decision about what you want."

With a nod of his head, Carmy cleared his throat and offered you his hand. When he felt you lock your fingers with his, he glanced up and down the street, then lead you across it. Up the sidewalk and to the front door of The illuminating Bear, he paused to produce his keys and then lead you inside.

The lights were dim, but a flip of the switch brightly lit up the newly constructed restaurant. He seemed nervous at your cool demeanor, watching you shed your coat and set your purse down; but his hand took yours again and lead you further into the place. He seemed nervous, but once in the kitchen, it was almost like Carmy's stress melted away.

"I was... I had this plan," he explained softly, leaning on one of the work stations with both hands in yours to keep you in front of him. "I have all these candles, right? Was gonna distract you in here," he looked around the fluorescent lighting, "while Richie, Fak, Tina, and the others set everything up. We'd hang in here after the place was closed down, you know, show you around the completed kitchen. And really casually, I'd ask if you were ready to go, so, we'd go out the front, and we'd walk right into the candlelight..."

"Yeah?" He nodded, thumbs running over your hands as he pushed off the counter. "Don't deviate from your plan now..."

Carmy smirked, "Wanna hear the boring kitchen stuff?"

"Of course, I do."

So, he lead you around in a tour of the kitchen; showing off the new office space that he invited you to take advantage of whenever you wanted. The sleek appliances were shown off, the vast fridges, freezers, new cutlery, state-of-the-art dishwashers. Everything, he showed you, knowing you helped him pick a lot of it out - it was still nice to see it all come together finally.

And then, slowly, he lead you out of the kitchen, but to your honest shock, the dining room was covered in lit candles and different bouquets of thick, gorgeous floral arrangements. "Oh, holy shit," you breathed, Carmy hiding his confusion much better than you.

You came to a slow halt in the middle of the room, the lights out and only leaving the candles to provide an ambiance. "I had this whole speech planned, too," Carmy told you softly. "Remind you of the day we met, how you saved me from those jackass bullies - remember?"

You smiled softly, emotions swirling in your chest, "First day of first grade, you had a Buzz Lightyear backpack and some kids were picking on you 'cause of it."

"And what did you do?"

You felt bashful remembering, but humored him by answering, "Pushed their faces in the mud at recess and made them apologize."

"You've been my best friend since that day," he nodded, bringing you in a few steps closer. "And when we got to high school, my feelings changed. You weren't just my best friend, but the girl I was madly in love with... Took me a couple years to buck up the courage to ask you out officially, though."

"Sure took your sweet time," you whispered with a smile, "but all good things to those who wait, right?"

"And I think you've waited long enough for a man to be who you deserve," he frowned. "All these years - it's been you at my side. You even - fuck - you even came over to Amsterdam for a bit because I was feeling overwhelmed and lonely. Sad, maybe even a little homesick. But you just - you just showed up like it was the most common thing in the world."

You chuckled through your tears, "Yeah, we had some good times on that boat, didn't we?"

He nodded with a softening smile, pushing hair from your face and behind your ear; pausing to hold your cheek carefully. "And when we came back stateside... You were still the only constant presence in my life. You were my family without blood, and I knew after that Christmas that you'd forever be my other half, and I'd spend my life conveying how grateful I am for you. I just - I never knew how to put it into words until now."

"What changed?"

"Realizing that I wanted to marry you years ago - and I should've. I know I shouldn't have drug my feet with us, delay our inevitable, because honestly? I couldn't see my life without you in it and I knew I needed you with me forever. Peach," he frowned, reaching for your other cheek, "we agreed when this wasn't healthy, we'd walk away - I remember that. But I need you to know, I'll never fucking regret you. I'll never resent you. You've been unwaveringly supportive and loving and... And I've been the luckiest man to experience it all. But now," he pushed himself a step closer so he was hovered over your lips, "I know that you deserve someone just as present in this relationship as you are. I knew once The Bear was done, I was done - I was done beating this bush around and wasting time. I knew what I needed to do because the idea of you not being in my life anymore terrifies me more than anything. I don't remember life without you, Peach, and I don't ever want to know what it's like. So," he cleared his throat, "here, in the restaurant I so desperately wanted to give up on so many times, but you always stopped me, I wanted to make this official. I wanted it to be here to show you that the past year of our turmoil - it's fucking over, Peach. We did it," he whispered, "and now, the next and only thing I want to focus on is us."

Carmy readjusted you both for a little bit of space, holding your left hand tightly as he lowered himself to a single knee; looking up at you with those big, wide, sad blue eyes that were growing redder by the passing second. The candlelight created a romantic atmosphere that cocooned you both in a warm embrace, the flowers around you projecting their floral scent.

"So, I need to ask you something real important, baby," he whispered, his throat bobbing to restrain his emotion that clawed up his throat, "because if I don't, I don't think I could breathe again." He cleared his throat, pulling the ring box from his pocket and opening it to present to you officially. "Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N... My sweetest Peach, I've loved you almost my entire life, you're my best friend, my most loyal and sweetest confidant. You make me want to be a man better than I was yesterday and never before have I ever seriously considered marriage - until you. Now? Now, I can't get the idea out of my head, so, my sweet girl," he took another breath, the tears in his eyes swelling and slowly dripping down his cheeks as you slowly got on your knees in front of him, "I need to ask you... W-Would you do me the honor? Of being my wife?"

"Carmen."

He grinned at you, both with tears down your cheeks. "Will you marry me, Y/N? I can't see my life without you in it, so... I want this, I want you for life. Y/N, will you marry me?" He paused, adding a meek little, "Please?" at the end.

With a deep breath, you slowly reached for his cheeks in a soft caress to wipe his tears; both just staring at one another for a good few moments before a face-splitting grin nearly cracked your lips. "Yes," you finally answered, "yeah, yes, yes, of course, I'll marry you, Carmen, yes!"

"Oh, thank fuckin' God," he laughed, letting you lunge forward to knock him backward in a hug - missing the candles arranged in a small circle for you two to stand in. Carmy laughed loudly, happily, giving you a tight squeeze as he mused, "Had my heart beatin' outta my chest for a second there, Peach."

"Oh, please," you laughed, "after all this time, you really thought I'd say no?"

He shrugged meekly, "Thought my most recent fuck-ups would've added to any reasons you might have to say no."

"Oh, spare me - you're my best friend, Carmy, you know I couldn't ever say no to you. Not without puking in nervousness."

"Can we maybe not talk about puke when we just got engaged?"

You laughed and nodded, "Fine, fine, fine, then put the ring on, please."

You presented your left manicured hand, watching Carmy almost giddily removed the band from the box, took a slow, deep breath, and then, the most beautiful ring was being slid onto your finger in an official show of your engagement. Of your undying love. Of your commitment, promises, and future together.

"YEAH!" An array of varying cheers and hollers of support and excitement rang out around you; startling both you and Carmy to look up. Richie, Sydney, Tina, Neil, Theo, Pete, and Sugar all hung in the bathroom's alcove - watching with splitting grins and cheering in celebration.

There was no time to question them as Richie lead the charge over; helping you to your feet for a giant, bear hug before gushing over your engagement ring. Neil and Theo popped one of the authentic bottles of champagne, pouring different flutes for those present.

"Calm down," Natalie scolded Richie lightly, "and move out the way, I want to hug my engaged bestie!"

You squealed with Sugar when her arms wrapped around you tightly, Rich moving on to congratulate Carmy - who apologized for his angry words earlier and thanked them for still setting things up. Richie promised it was for you, not Carmy, but still hugged the little shit with a laugh - indicating he was just joking.

"Let me see!" Natalie grinned, examining the ring Carmy chose and squealing again. "Oh, my God! Oh, it's so pretty! Oh, shit - sisters!" She gasped, holding your hands tightly, "We're going to be sisters - like, officially!"

"Sisters in law, but yeah, cupcake," you beamed at her, wiping your tears and giggling. "I can't - this just doesn't feel real," you told her softly, looking the few feet over to see Carmy with the lads as Sydney stood with you and Sugar. "Him proposing? I genuinely thought it wouldn't happen," you tried to laugh your nerves off, looking at your ring and fiddling with it.

"Yeah, right," Sydney laughed. "I haven't been around that long and even I knew this was gonna happen."

"Oh, please, she's right," Natalie grinned when you went to retaliate, "he first started talking about how he wanted to marry you when he was, like, 15. This has been the longest thing coming."

"Thank you guys for helping," you whispered with a smile. "It's all so beautiful."

"Happy to help for a good cause," Syd smiled, complimenting your ring as Neil called for a toast. Everyone was given flutes of champagne, Carmy's arm wrapping around your waist as each friend gave their own little speech, congratulating you both before the alcohol was being drained.

"Uh, and where are you two going?" Sugar asked about an hour later with a small giggle when Carmy wrapped an arm around your neck after helping you into your coat again.

"Gotta celebrate alone with my fiancé," he smirked, "later, guys! Don't forget to lock up!"

"Carmen!" You scolded with a small laugh, gaping at him.

"What? They got this," Carmy chuckled. "Thanks, you guys, see you tomorrow!"

"We can help clean," you told him as he lead you out of the restaurant.

"Nah, we've got bigger plans," he smirked at you. "Got plenty t'celebrate, yeah? Ever fucked as fiancés before?"

"No - but I hear it's some crazy sex," you whispered, locking your arms around his waist to stay close. Neither of you cared about the bus at this hour, opting to walk home in the cold - not that you felt it. Your love burned brighter than the cold biting your skin.

requesting rules and masterlist

The Bear masterlist

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jadeacereigen · 7 months

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Why I see Reigen as asexual

This is a very self-indulgent post, but it's his birthday today and I wanted to compile all the things about Reigen that make me see him as a fellow ace.

Please don't take this list too seriously! None of these are This Is Canon signs and some of them are just jokes. Also, it's pretty hard to find evidence of asexuality barring a character explicitly saying "hey i never feel sexual attraction" so bear with ne here.

1. That Scene With Dimple

Yeah, we all know the scene.

"But does love always have to come with sexual desires?" -Reigen Arataka

This is what almost asexual person asks at some point. It's just such an asexual quote. Society often conflates the two things as inherently hand-in-hand, but that's not true for everyone!

2. He never shows attraction to anyone

Now of course, the story is not primarily focused on him, and he's usually with Mob so he probably wouldn't be flirting in front of him. But there aren't even MOMENTS of him showing a smidge of attraction to other people, even when we see his life without Mob's presence. It really stands out in comparison to other goofy mentor figures in manga/anime who are commonly portrayed as hopeless flirts.

3. He's never been in a relationship before

When asked about his past romantic experiences in the official fanbook, he pretends he's had plenty of passionate romances and then describes a scene from Titanic before saying "Marriage is one of the countless types of lifestyles you can choose. It's best if everyone does whatever they want." So basically, despite being 29 years old at the time of the fanbook, he has had no significant romantic experiences and doesn't see himself getting married. (Even if he might be interested, as I'll explain in the next point.)

This is not exclusive to asexuality of course but it's a very common sentiment for ace people imo

4. He doesn't think he can be in a relationship

In Confession Arc, he has no idea how to ask someone out and has to cheat while giving advice to Mob. He also tells Serizawa afterward that if anyone saw him for who he really was, they'd turn him down right away.

But then, at least in the manga, he says that he hopes he can be in a relationship where he and his partner "can exist without distorting each other". So I think he does want to be in a relationship, he's just way too insecure about himself for many, many reasons.

I like to think one of these reasons is because he is asexual. It's a struggle for allo aces to find someone whose sexual preferences are compatible with ours, and yet it remains important to maintain our boundaries (aka not distort ourselves).

5. His anime outfit has ace flag colors

I mean. Gray, white, pink purple...

6. His reaction to a porn virus

Look at the face of this poor asexual man who spent an entire night trying and failing to get rid of a porn virus...

7. He is asexual

He is just asexual hope this helps (:

#jade speaks #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #reigen arataka

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katapotato55 · 10 months

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how to make your writing be remembered forever and possibly be well loved.

(incredibly stupid and silly fanfiction line at the end of this post) I know that title is incredibly daunting but listen, its very simple. you ready?

MAKE STRONG CHARACTERS

"but kat! surely its not that simple! " nononono listen. bear with me. I want you to think of your favorite thing. Now ask: what do you remember the most about the thing you love? I will go first:

I love team fortress 2. and guess what: this game has been around since 2007, and was in development hell since before I was even born. The game has been around for 16 fucking years. And guess what? in the strong year of 2023 team fortress 2 Is STILL getting memed about. and do you want to know the crazy part? the character designs to the naked eye are not special at all. ok sure from a designer standpoint, these are very well designed characters made so that you can easily tell who they are based on their silhouette. but from the average joe.... tf2 is iconic but overall it looks ok. it doesn't seem special to a stranger to tf2. look at this completely random and arbitrary example of a game in the same genre:

I don't know shit about the characters in overwatch. Yeah i have a BASIC idea on what their personality is like based on voice lines and some videos i guess... but in-game they just exist. these characters are brightly colored, they have beautiful unique designs, hell they have even more diversity such as robots and people from other cultures! but i don't remember shit about these characters. Maybe I remember the ice lady and tracer, but nothing else. and yeah part of overwatch struggling right now is incompetant development, BUT: The characters in team fortress 2 are SO remember-able because the characters have such a vibrant personality. I am an orange box owner, its been a decade and a half and I am still remembering this game and enjoying art about it.

"but kat! that is a comedy game! Overwatch is a very serious game! are you saying comedy is needed to make a character more noticeable?" no. though I think allowing your characters to lighten up every now and then would humanize them. Not full on goofy, just give them something that makes them likeable. and if you cant do that, you can STILL make a compelling character even though they are mostly seriousness. I have an even more awfully thought out example:

kung fu panda is a masterclass in making a serious comedic movie somehow work. Master Oogway.... he isn't a comedic character at all. Yeah we made memes about him, but ignoring that, he is a wise and resourceful person. He is at calm and has faith in this intuition. there are a lot of characters like this. What makes Oogway stand out is that he is also a little bit kooky and sassy.

youtube

this youtube clip sums up what I mean. It is a funny line, it fits the character, and It doesn't ruin the seriousness of the moment. Some of the most successful series in history have something about them that has appealed to people. In my opinion: characters with strong personality and interesting traits is always a good way to ensure your writing is successful. The second most important is the characters bouncing off of each other in terms of their chemistry with each other. There is a reason why I spent years playing the first Destiny game and all of the DLC, but I remember fuck all about the characters. I think I maybe remember the bootleg star lord robot guy.

A writing exercise

here is an exercise to get you in the spirit of character making. step 1- get a random character from a random bit of media. In this case let me bring you master Oogway. Step 2- Get a completely different character from a completely unrelated series. I am going to give you Scout from team fortress 2. step 3- write a random ass thing about them interacting. Think about how the characters would react to each other and why. Think about each characters values in life and think about how they would bond and conflict with each other. Think about characters similar to the character they met in the past and how they reacted then, and if they have never interacted, make something interesting with it. Step 4- keep experimenting. Once you get into the spirit you can apply this to any new character you could want to make anyways thats it byeee- "arent you going to do that ?" do what? "make a writing thing about oogway and scout. " ........

Scout: let's go turtle you got nothing on my speed- Oogway: The one who first resorts to violence shows that he has no more arguments. Scout: that sounds like chicken talk! come on tough guy let me have it- Oogway then proceeds to make scout eat shit before vanishing in a cloud of cherry blossoms and dust from the desert. If this post isn't popular I want you to know my dignity was lost for nothing.

#please read the post before you comment “oooh no why do you have so many random tags”. they are not random this post is just weird as fuck #trust me on this this absolutely does actually have something to do with both kung fu panda and team fortress 2 please read the post first #also fan art or writing bits based on the oogway and scout interaction I made would be 100% appreciated and loved by me.#I would love to see what yall make based on the exercise i made!#writing tips #writing advice #creative writing #writing #writers #character analysis #team fortress #team fortress 2 #tf2 #overwatch #overwatch 2 #kung fu panda #master oogway #tf2 scout

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odusseus-xvi · 7 months

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Just saw a post saying that it didn't feel right for q!Baghera to bond with q!Jaiden about their neutrality for Cucurucho especially considering what recenty happened to q!Forever. And at first, yeah okay, it's definitely unealthy, I understand, HOWEVER what made me do a double take is the later comment "It makes sense for q!Jaiden because it's her character but I'm disappointed in q!Baghera." And I was confused, because her pov makes sense in that. And then I saw the "I don't watch her pov, it's just what I see of her character." and that's where I went "OH, I can help with that ! :D" Because it does make sense form her pov.

So, time to clarify :

First of all, talking about Baghera (it's the character from now on) and Cucurucho's relationship, she has never been anti Cucurucho. She has always shown compassion for him. HOWEVER it was never in the way "he's a perfect little guy, it can do no wrong" but more in a "They might not have free will, someone or something might be suffering under all this. "

Because that's the thing, Cucurucho is not just Evil Guy tm that uses the fact he's nice to people in order to manipulate people on his side, it's a anthropomorphic white bear, with a robotic voice, godlike powers, and that might not even have free will or anything. To her POV there might be someone suffering. Does it know what it's doing, Can it make choices on it's own, Was something transformed against their will to become this. Are all those acts Cucurcho or the Federation using him ?

Their is then the shock and the recent revelation. You have to realise it's not just "the trauma she rediscovered is blinding her a little bit on some subjetcs." It's so much more intense. The PTSD was so intense she dissociated for 2 full weeks. The Federation had to go fetch her in order for her not to die. It was clear that this happened before AND can happen again. This is one of the reasons she tends to just clock out important and negative details that can induce stress, ESPECIALLY since she discovered she was created entirely by the Federation, in her pov yes Forever is part of her chosen family, but at the same time a BOMB of an information was dropped on her and the first reaction you have is not "It's okay, they are not my chosen family, I'm gonna focus on the people I care about." It's "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DOES THAT MEAN ABOUT ME" And that might be something she sees in Cucurucho, it might have raised her. And it might be in a similar situation. She was also so Anti-Federation for so long that now that she knows she was made by them, that she can't escape them, she is so terrified that people would start seeing the Federation in her the same way they see it in Cucurucho.

In a way it's a bit like realising years later your parents are complete assholes, but in reverse. She realised the Federation are the reason she is alive, the reason she exists. She might know they are evil, but they raised her.. She HAS to find some good in them, there has to be right ? If she is of them, there has to be some good.

In a similar way the "Cucurucho has never done anything bad to me" is not JUST reassuring herself and blocking out the problems of the others (it's partly that, and I agree it's very unealthy, that's why we are cheering, we want the angst) but it's also "I know they are capable of good, I've seen it, there has to be a way to point it towards that good and fight the Federation's influence". Imagine the "I can fix him" meme but infinitely more fucked up.

I want to be very clear everyone who follows her POV realises everything she is doing is VERY unealthy and unfair to a lot of people (to q!Forever, among others yes, q!Etoiles himself commented on how she acted strange recently), BUT it does make sense from her pov, and because she hides things to the others, I do realise now that YES, from other povs it feels like a shift, and her just not caring, but she does care, she is just REALLY lost, confused and scared at the moment. And that is partly why we are all SO interested and invested in her bonding with Jaiden, because it's terribly unealthy and it offers two amazing possibilities, either they get out of it together, with some help or not and it's beautiful, OR they make each other worse.

I can't wait to see where they go with it.

#qsmp #qsmp baghera jones #qsmp etoiles #qsmp baghera #qsmp forever #qsmp jaiden #qsmp cucurucho

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janichroma · 2 months

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🎉Q/A Answers!🎉🎉

There's a lot to parse here! Warning that there are some spoilers of current content in here! So please tread carefully!

Q1.) I'm very curious about Death Wings. Do all of them exist in a similar state to Robo-Ren, where their true bodies are asleep and they pilot a mechanical suit, or is there something that differentiates them?

Ren is an exception. He's the only one who pilots a separate body. The others are in their own!

Q2.) Which Rejuv characters would be most likely to start a podcast together?

Adam and Valarie probably have a lot of deep 3 am conversations so with a little help from Saki, those two would def make a podcast. Other highlights are Saki+Erick and maybe Texen by himself because he just talks about how women are objects or something i dunno.

Q3.) Are you absolutely sure this is a good idea? Are you being held hostage?

I deadass thought i was gonna get 10-20 questions at most..... So yeah its a good idea.

Q4.) So, half servants. They’ve been so confusing to me. Until 13.5 I was just under the assumption servants were just infertile lol. So, do half servants like…. Inherit any powers or anything from their servant parent? Like, the ability to teleport and things like that.

Servants cannot reproduce when they're first created/in their generic form, but when they transform into their own person they gain a soul and they are then able to reproduce because they're just like any other person. It's just that their origins are different. Servants can still use their magic, but their children cannot. Although, I bet their children -do- inherit some traits from their Servant parent. Probably like just having above average strength/speed etc. That's not universal, though.

Q5.) How come Tesla doesn't let Amber bring us to the villa after the gym battle now?

Well... When two people love each other very much...

Q6.) Do the executives of Team Xen and most importantly Ren have the green gem somewhere on their body that marks them as members of Team Xen?

I wonder...

Q7.) I know in the past, you said that you haven't seen any correct guesses as to the identity of Madame X. Has that changed since the release of 13.5?

Pretty close, but no cigar.

Q8.) would crescent like yuri/gl

I banish you to the hungry worm dimension.

Q9.) i know that some characters, namely tesla (and maybe jolene?) call themselves "honorary" members of the elite 8. is there any specific reason for that? also can roboren run doom this is important.

There's no specific reason other than it soundin' fancy. Roboren can run tetris so maybe!

Q10.) What are the perks/ benefits of joining Team Xen? ( asking for a friend )

Amazing health care, and amazing investments in your 401k.

Q11.) I wanted to ask, which character has, for you, the most chance to surprise us in future updates? Be it badly or greatly.

i can't answer this because it gives too much implicit information!!! Sorry!!

Q12.) what pokemon teams (or just ace pokemon) would characters you don’t ever battle have? for example, volta, eizen, martin, rune, eden, etc? will we ever fight any of them?

I don't want to answer this either because we will probably have an opportunity to fight -most- of these people here, but for Rune it's already established to be Rapidash (Ace), and Eden would probably have a Blissey somewhere.

Q13.) How close of friends are Amber and Crawli? I wanted to ask since they're both Gym Leaders of Terajuma and around the same age, especially when Tesla and Amber moved to Telia after the incident.

They're not too close. They know of each other, and have spoken, but it's mostly a "friendly landlord" kind of relationship. They only talk when it's necessary... Not that Crawli is a landlord, or has any bearing on Teila.

Q14.) Hihi, what are somethings that have changed from version v12 (and also v13) that you really like/are proud of? And are there things you miss from previous versions, but you had to get rid of for any reasons? (I'm personally absolutely in love with the redone Terajuma stuff and especially Crawli, and also the redone Ryland scenes but that's because I'm biased.)

Terajuma 100%. I LOVE Terajuma now. I used to really despise it, evidently. But I think it's so fun and has a lot of nice moments. Valor Mountain still sucks, though. I have a huge urge to simplify that place, but then i'd have to redo a certain scene later and i dont wanna bc it's already perfect. Suffering from success... As for things I miss from previous versions... I can't think of any right now because I love where we're at rn so I guess I don't miss anything? There are certain scenes like Melia with her long hair flowing, but outside of small instances like that, nah!

Q15.) If in the nightmare school "Jean" was able to manifest flora's explosives from the dreams of GDC's citizens... Where could he have manifested A Gun from??

Probably the police station, tbh.

Q16.) What's your personal favorite part of the game thus far?

Honestly Chapter 2 -> to the end of Terajuma is so much fun to me. Not that the other chapters aren't, but that part is comfy. I also love Renegade Route chapter 0.

Q17.) Now if I'm remembering correctly, you mentioned that Venam was supposed to be just a side character at first. What made you decide to change her role into such a major one? Also how did the Melia/Venam come about?

Yeah so, Beth was actually in Venam's spot if you can believe that. Yes, the same one that sells Moo-Moo Milk. We already had a prominent blonde character and Beth wasn't boring or anything, she just didn't add a fun dynamic with Melia. Although back then the formula was more rebornified. Meaning characters rarely traveled together and they kind of just showed up when they needed to. Now characters are constantly always traveling with you and stuff. Not that the old format is bad, it's just a different take. I brought Venam back because she's Melia's best friend and it felt real weird that she was not involved -at all- compared to her and Ren. Their relationship came about because.. Well, I kinda just knew. Venam was always a lesbian in my head, and Melia is def the character that would love anyone if they gave her the chance to love them. It just felt right?

Q18.) 1) When was Eizen conceptualized? 2) What is one funny story about developing v13.5 that you can share? 3) Were there any pieces of media you took inspiration from while writing Renegade(mainly Central Tower)? 4) Do you have any plans of making more games after Rejuv?

Yall are cheating with the multiple parts!! Anyway, Eizen was conceptualized sometime in v13's development, but he... she.. they... were just a concept at the point. (stick a pin in that) 2.) A funny story? Hm... I honestly can't remember anything rn. Probably just some bug that caused us pain and it was super simple to fix. 3.) To be honest, I didn't take any real inspiration for Renegade. I actually went into doing that route without knowing exactly what I wanted from it. But the pieces sorta fell into place and im in love with it lol. M2 was always going to be a character in the game, it's just that she was never named M2 and was more tragic than unhinged. M2's personality was altered slightly because I wanted Renegade to have SOME sort of a balance, and a partner in crime (sorta) felt appropo. 4.) Yes, I have original games in the works AND plans for at LEAST 1 more fangame after this. I'd like to start from scratch with all the knowledge I have now. Though, it wouldnt be nowhere near as long as Rejuv. I'm talking like 4-5 releases. lol.

Q19.) Wanted to ask how renegade!MC perceives Clear/Kieran, the 3 choices we have to respond to Clear asking us to go see Clear all seemed cold towards her. I guess they aren't a potential new friend group?

They are a means to an end. The MC is not close with Clear or Kieran at all. They barely even talk outside of the instances we've already seen. Maybe that'll change?

Q20.) This has been a matter of contention between some friends of mine and I. How old is Odessa? I'd assumed she was below 18 as she's not taken the throne so she might not be an adult and her dad's in charge until that happens, but they think she's an adult. For something less serious, who in Rejuv's most likely to start a ponzi scheme, and who's most likely to buy in.

Odessa is likely to be around 25-ish. She's a legal adult, and is in line to be Queen of Kristiline, but their family line already holds so little influence and power that Aquis just makes her a figurehead and manages things on his own. Kind of a Cinderella of situation? More similar but not 1:1. To be honest? I figure Aquis hopes Kailani to return one day and assume her duties because he likes her more (Even if he abused her the same way he did Odessa.) As for the ponzi scheme... I feel like Thomas Jr would make one and Texen would fall for it.

Q21.) Who is the hardest character to write consistently?

Honestly? Melia. She's given me the most trouble despite her being so prominent. Im good at it now I think, but before I never knew how to write her because anything I did came with criticism lol, and still does, but now I don't really give a shit. Amber's a close second.

Q22.) When Crescent fell down the cliff, did she get the interceptor contract then was asked to become a storm chaser? The events seemed to have happened close to each other. Curious since the hags serve Variya, so only 1 of the 2 parties could've asked her both, but that wasn't the case.

Yes it was shortly after she fell. To be clear, the sparkle the protags saw was the sparkling of water from the moonlight above. So they knew it was "safe" to push Crescent. She could have died but she had a chance to survive a situation where the alternative meant certain death.

Q23.) Will the Elite 8 even be able to be battled on Renegade? I imagine Karrina would replace Karen if Karen dies on Paragon, and Karrina doesn’t get pushed, but she eats the Deletos on Renegade if you don’t push her in Castle Zygara, and it made me wonder.

The members of the Elite 8 may be battleable, but not in an official league format. That's all I'll say on that.

Q24.) I'm still really curious about emma, things that come up in my mind a lot is the part where she looks to be used by variya to speak to melia during the part where amanda knocks her out, and during pearl route when we see the note signed by someone with the same name- emma. because of this, I've been pretty curious about this disguise thing the space hags gave melia. did they- or variya gave them orders to- pull the appearance from the deceased emma? does this mean ... they're the same person?

The name part is merely a coincidence and acts as foreshadowing. Melia reads the note and is like "Emma...?" and wonders if she would share the same fate as the ones written on the notes, and then lo and behold she has the same condition.

Q25.) This question is regarding Renegade route: Do the 6 years that M2 and our chosen host were lost in that alternate world match up with a version release that is outdated, or is an in-universe timer that we shouldn't overthink that much?

Honestly, that wasnt the reason for 6 years but now I wish it was that's rad as hell. But no the 6 years isn't even 6 years. It's an unspecified amount of time that passes that she perceives as 6. They both couldve been down there for a million years and they wouldnt know. The area they're in is similar to the chasm where it wears down your mind after long exposure. Maybe that's how Melia could take such a bad turn in life. The protags are always optimistic to escape though so they are able to hold onto their mind.

Q26.) #1 spector fan here asking questions about him since he probably won't get much spotlight outside of one quest... what was his life like before taking on the reserve leader role (other than what we already know, like where he lived,) and what are his interests outside of the paranormal, if any? thanks for the opportunity! love this game a lot :^)

Spector is a history buff and loves to do Goth Gf things like take strolls in graveyards at 3 am 🥰🥰. Probably spent most of his time in the District of Hope. He also likes exploring ruins and abandoned buildings. Not limited to Aevium tbh.

Q27.) I know Eizen seems to be a strictly side quest character, but have K/C or the hags ever tried contacting him for recruitment? His research seems too valuable to go unused for them.

Eizen has absolutely no interest in either of those groups. If they even tried to do anything he'd noclip out of the room and fall out of bounds and then die half life 1 style.

Q28.) :3c what are some characters that are trans if i may ask?

Ryland - FTM Party Girl - MTF Alain - NB Aero - NB V - Genderfluid Eden - Genderfluid

Q29.) would angie still possess alice in renegade? :0 super curious about it hihihi

Whatever happened passively in Paragon (Meaning Cera being abandoned, Alice getting possessed), STILL HAPPENS IN RENEGADE, we just don't see it because the trail of events that led to us seeing them in Paragon do not happen. So... in Renegade, that means Alice is still...

Q30.) How did the aftermath scene from defeating the hags on renegade come to be? I'm very curious

i assume you mean the Tera Raid parody? Well, it came up on my playlist on the train and I was feeling chaotic. what if in rejuv but deadly ?

Q31.) who's the shortest character (excluding the younger kids >>)

Probably either Cera, tbh. She's a short lil one. I don't have canon heights for characters outside like an estimation. But in my head Cera tiny.

Q32.) Hello! I would like to ask, Did the interceptor, before the SS Oceana be attacked, have fake memories of a life alongside Nancy? Since Crescent wanted the MC to have a normal life, I always wondered If she created new memories to make this easier And if I can ask another question. What is/was the criteria to someone see the MC appearance correctly? Huey and Lavender saw two different ones, while Aelita saw the correct one(in my case she saw Alain when asked)

Crescent did not create memories for the player. They just started acting weirdly and stopped talking to her. They then started to behave the same way you, the player, does. Believing that what is happening is real and has always been real (Because this is all the information you have right now), so Crescent takes this opportunity to try and let go by giving you a better (but fake!) life. It's why she sorta distances herself a bit (but not too much) so that you could integrate yourself into that delusion. We love being neuro <3.

The criteria is pretty ambiguous intentionally, but for me it has to do with personality and connection. Aelita always sees who you truly are because shes so close with the player + she has envoy shenanigans going on. If you would get along with Alain the most, the player would show themselves as alain etc.

Q33.) Any disclosable reasons why the rift dex now only has 2 remaining entries instead of 3 like in v13?

It's probably just a discrepancy that happened due to shifting over code bases. The number of slots left is not indicative of anything.

Q34.) hello jan!! hope you’re doing well :D is there any more information or random various facts about the androids (clear/kieran/eden) that can be said that ISN’T spoilers? it’s ok if not! i’ve just been curious about them all lately, especially in regards to how eden’s powers with emotional manipulation work.

Nothing too interesting about Clear or Kieran that isn't spoilers and isnt known already, but as for Eden... Eden was eccentric and had a personality thats real close to prince peasley from superstar saga LOL. I feel like Eden would have a catch phrase like "Mon Cherie", and flip their iridiscent hair in mockery. Eden's manipulation was very devastating. You would feel an immeasurable amount of joy when inflicted that you would give over any information because youre... happy to! But it was also very deadly. If exposed to it for too long you become way too happy to the point where you lose the ability to function normally. You'd fall into a happy-apathetic state and collapse and just lay where you fell until you starved or died in some other way. Because you're happy to! Everything in moderation, guys.

Q35.) Hi jan!!! quick question — why do you hate me why did the renegade route do that /real/ question though…. My buddy found some like… older stuff about Eizen in v13’s files. Something about a girl named Ærika?? (Idk if thats even connected but whatever) How did Eizen come to be? What was the process?

Hi remember the pin I stuck earlier? Ok we're unpinning that now. So, Eizen was originally a woman (So happy for his transition), And her name was Ærika. But we already had so many girls in the game and I wanted to create more male characters so then Eizen was born. I'm glad for it too because Eizen is way more interesting than Ærika. Eizen/Ærika came to be when [redacted]. I can't explain his origins quite yet, sorry! But one day you Will Realize.

Q36.) Hi Jan, thanks for the amazing game! In Alamissa, before we get yeeted into the past by Kieran, when Ren gives us sylveon and, um, Nancy’s remains, he mentions that he has stayed (even after breaking off with crescent) with xen for an important reason… but won’t specify. Later, he says the reason is because he wants to help nastasia. But the alamissa convo happened before ren met Anastasia (baby version). Did ren want to help nastasia before he met her past version and learned that she was…

Ren didn't know who she was at that point, but Ren has seen Nastasia in vulnerable points (that we havent seen... yet?). She has discussed with him that shes looking for someone prior to Alamissa, but she was very vague about it, and still is, but she's opened up a lot to Ren over time.

Q37.) This is probably a weirder question but will all of the main leaders, even the ones we battle outside of their gym duties have custom moves? If not, would it be safe to assume the main leaders use the moves of their reserves?

All leaders have custom moves. Reserves use the move the main leader does! They have TM's for these, but they aren't allowed to give them out to winners. At least, at the moment!

Q38.) what was your favorite part of 13.5's development?

Making Renegade Route lmfao. It was so much funnnnnnn. I cant wait for the rest.

Q39.) what’s the EoN experience like for someone going through it? If that’s too spoilery, what was the most surprising part of people’s reactions to .karma content?

You're getting scrubbed. It looks painful, but it's painless... and seamless! You literally cannot process what is going on. As for most surprising, I was surprised people loved M2 so much. I mean, I had a feeling people would like her, but she really took off and that makes me happy bc shes so fun to write.

Q40.) Hi Jan! My question is this: Will Melia and Venam get back together somewhat in the future? Or will they just stay friends? (Paragon route)

Who knows...

----------------------------------------------------------------

An extra question im throwing in here because ive seen a lot of talk around this character.

Q1X.) What inspired M2? M2 was conceptualized to be more of a tragic character, but I felt like Renegade needed some balancing out mood wise, or else it was too much of a drag. M2 was inspired by an insecurity of mine, actually, or I guess less so an insecurity and more of a question a lot of us ask ourselves. What if? What if I did this differently? What if I was born elsewhere? How different would I be? When Covid first started running about and I thought the fate of our lives was about to be cut short potentially, I started thinking about how I lived my life and how much I missed out on certain things. M2 is that. She gets a second chance at life and decides she wants to be everything but Melia because she's already lived that life and it turned out poorly. Hence the name M2. The second version of herself.

A song that inspired me is Immaterial by Sophie (Rest in peace)

2:03 is important

youtube

Now that I have a second chance at life, "I'll be anyone, anything, any shape." I mentioned before that your archetype powers manifests as your deep inner desire, and since M2 wants to be everything she couldn't be, it turns into her creating alternative selves through clones made of light. Another point of inspiration for her forms is actually Barbie of all things. Not the movie, although the movie takes advantage of the same principle, that Barbie can be anything. A doctor, a lawyer, life guard, a government official etc. M2 is everything always and forever, and she's also nothing at all. Which one is the real M2?

#pokemon rejuvenation #Rejuv Q/A #Spoilers!#Youtube

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dduane · 8 months

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hi ms duane (who is rlly cool and i love your books btw),

any advice? one of my favourite book series (released 30 years ago) was never finished... it's rumoured the last book was written but never published . ever since i have discovered this i have been heartbroken 😔. how do i cope with the cliffhanger? is it okay to approach the author and ask him about it? (he has written other books since + has other social medias) what do i dooooooo?

Well—per the second-to-last question, and speaking as someone who started one novel series more than forty years ago, and still haven't finished its last main-sequence book (and hears about it more than occasionally from the readership)—my immediate reaction would be:

From where I'm sitting, no, it's not really okay. So don't.

To clarify the thinking behind this, a couple of questions need to be answered.

(1) How sure are you about whether the rumor accurately reflects reality?

(2) Is the author someone you'd care about possibly hurting?

(And #2 is more important than #1, but bear with me.)

First of all: rumors are, well, rumors. I wouldn't approach an author about something like this if a rumor was all there was to go on. In particular, if the author's ever been asked about this and declined to answer, there may be legal complications in the background that they can't or don't want to deal with in public.

Secondly: if the book does indeed exist but was never published, three decades back, then there are numerous reasons that could be behind it, and all of them are painful to consider. A couple that immediately occur to me are:

The publisher decided they didn't like the last book enough to take the risk of publishing it (or sales figures for preceding books had been poor or declining), and/or no other publisher wanted the final book because they couldn't also publish the front end of the series. (I.e., the original publisher refused to revert those books' publcation rights.)

The author decided for some reason after completing the book that they didn't like it (and/or the series preceding it), and pulled it.

And there are many other possibilities... but I'm not going to get into a long list of maybes here. The point is that there's a better-than-even chance that having someone turn up on social media or in their inbox with a question about Oh Sweet Gods Not This Again, will cause the author pain.

And the issue of whether (for whatever reason) some people might think the author deserves the pain is completely beside the point. Hamlet's got it right here: "Use every man after his desert, and who shall 'scape whipping? Use them after your own honor and dignity—the less they deserve, the more merit is in your bounty."

So if I was standing where you are, after thinking about it a bit, I'd say "...yeah, no." ...and let the author be.

Now as for the question "How do I cope with the cliffhanger?": well, you pull on your Thoughtful Reader Pants—pull them right up high— and remind yourself that:

(a) Powerful though all art can be, it also can be fragile, especially as regards completions... because entropy, and sometimes mortality, can get in the way.

(b) And while we're discussing mortality: Cliffhangers are an inescapable part of the human condition. One day, you and I and everyone we know will suddenly depart this scene, and leave everyone else who knows us wondering what would have happened if... and never finding out. Maybe this is why we have a certain amount of trouble with cliffhangers in literature, on TV and in other arts: because "art is supposed to reflect life" (...long pause...) "But not like that!"

(c) In the meantime: Read the author's books that you do have. Celebrate what that person's made in that particular universe that you've got access to. And know that, in the fullness of time, eventually your heart will mend, and be stronger after the break as a result.

And finally: never give up hope. That author, and that book, might surprise you some day, when you most need it. :)

HTH!

#reading #reader advice #cliffhanger management

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orlissa · 1 year

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How Not to Commit a Crime Against Historical Fashion–A Basic Guide for Writers

I have been reading a lot (mostly YA) (pseudo)historical (fantasy) novels (and let’s not even get started on what’s going on TV), and I’m stunned and horrified by the complete lack of basic understanding of historical fashion most authors display (not you, Rebecca Ross, darling, you didn’t do anything wrong). So here is a little guide from a miffed little gremlin who knows just a tad bit more about what people wore in the ye olden days than the average person (really, I’m no expert), so YOU don’t commit these heinous crimes:

First and foremost, and I cannot stress this enough: clothing and fashion don’t exist in vacuum. They are intrinsically tied to culture, climate, and, maybe most importantly, technology.

For the most of history (and I’m primarily talking about Western history here, sorry), people wore a simple base layer under their clothing: chemises, shifts, undershirts, underpants, drawers, combinations. Women and men! These had a very important function: they protected the actual outer layers from sweat, and protected the skin from chafing (e.g. from a corset). In the time and day when you didn’t have sewing and washing machines, outer clothes were relatively super expensive, while doing laundry was an actual nightmare. You didn’t want to wash you gowns much, because it was hard on your hands and on the fabric as well. So instead you wore a chemise–made of, most likely, some inexpensive, white material, in an easy-to-sew shape–, and changed and washed that chemise frequently. So as long as your worldbuilding doesn’t include (basically) fast fashion and washing machines (washing spells?), you really, really wanna have your characters to wear an undershirt/chemise.

You also have to think about colors. Chemical dying had a great advancement in the 1860s, which brought on a plethora of new and bright shades that actually lasted. Women’s clothing thus became extra and blindingly colorful, while men’s clothing went… black. As before these chemical dies black dye was hard to make and it also faded fast. (So yeah, your medieval bad guy is actually not that likely to wear black.) Purple is extra tricky, as it was traditionally made from a little creature called the purple dye murex, and making such dye was a lot of work and thus super expensive–so for the longest time only the wealthiest wore purple: senators, cardinals, kings…

(I just read a scene today where in the late 1800s Sicily a male character exchanged a leather shirt for a black (linen?) one at the town market, which he put right on the skin. I was understandably upset and manifested the author stepping on a piece of Lego.)

Climate really determines what people wear: think not only about the temperatures, but what raw materials are available at the climate. (Like, can they wear silk? Are there silk worms in this world? If yes, where? How can the characters have access to it?) Also, do not be daunted by the layers and think that your characters would be sweating buckets in the summer: we are talking about natural materials here which breathe.

Also, I’m not happy to rain on your parade, but generally speaking your (pseudo)historical character wouldn’t be showing too much skin in public. They don’t have sun screen, so they’d be protecting their skin from the sun by covering up–no short sleeves and super low necklines for you! However, evening attire can be more daring (short sleeves! Uncovered shoulders! Décolletage!)

I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: before the… say second third of the 19th century, you don’t have corsets. You have stays, that give the body a conical shape. Then at the turn of the 18th-19th centuries you have transitional stays, which might be closer to modern bras/bralettes than you’d think. The point of these is to push the boobs up (since the gown is loose around the stomach, there is no point in trying to shape the silhouette there). Then you have corsets. You cannot tightlace (drastically shrink the waist) until the mid-19th century, when metal eyelets in corsets are introduced (and so they can take more tension). Still, it was more like an exception than a rule.

“Whalebone” is not actual bone. It’s baleen, those thingies in the whales’ mouth they use to filter their food from the water. Baleen is made of keratin, the same substance that makes up your fingernails, making them flexible.

Also, it’s just my general advice: try not to conceptualize corsets as bras, but as shoes: they need to be broken in, but once they are molded to your body, they are rather comfortable.

Clothes also play a cultural function–they have a meaning, a function. E.g. the point of panniers (those wide hip-thingies in 18th century gowns) and crinolines was that the women who wore them took up a lot of physical space. Women might not really had much say in everyday life, but they used fashion to show that they are there (men hated it, btw).

General silhouette guide to the 19th century, very roughly:

1800-1820s: Regency (brr, I’m gonna say it… Bridgerton). Boobs up, waistline right under the boobs, skirt is light and loose, with not much volume (will end up looking like a nightgown if the costume designer is not careful enough)

1820s-1830s: waistlines are going down (but still kinda up), skirts are getting fuller, sleeves puffier

1840s-1860s: waistline down to the natural waist, skirts are getting really full with huge crinolines, sleeves slim down, pagoda sleeves (getting wider down from the elbow) later down the road

1870s: First bustle period. Skirts get flat in the front and the sides, stick out in the back.

Turn of the 1870s-1880s: Natural form era. The bustle shrinks.

1880s: Second bustle period. The bustle comes back, gets even bigger.

1890s: Skirts become more A-lined, sleeves get puffed up (till they are ridiculous), chest shaped like a dove’s

#historical fashion #fashion history #writing advice

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benwvatt · 10 months

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links to all my heartstopper fics!

hello! I am a fanfiction author! please enjoy links to all my 7 heartstopper (nelspring) fics so far. they’re all hyperlinked up at the fic title.

all of my heartstopper fics can be found here

memories painted in much brighter ink (4.1K, rated G, set in canon + light angst and healing)

“Nelson!”

Nick groans.

“I heard you got a boyfriend.”

“So?” Nick responds, and then he wishes he’d had the heart to make up a better comeback.

“I -” Harry fumbles. “I’m… happy for you. I think it’s, er, good.”

Harry Greene realizes how awful he's been to Charlie and Nick, and he apologizes to them after some deep thought and realization about what an cruel person he's been.

i like you inconveniently, you’re bringing out my dopamine (1.5K, rated G, set in canon)

“I think that’s because you have inner beauty,” Nick murmurs softly. “It’s not just your looks.”

Charlie really tries not to, but he blushes madly. “Dammit, Nick. That was so - ugh, so ridiculously smooth. Are you sure you don’t have this spell, too? ‘Cause I think I’m getting attached to you.”

“Well, maybe your magic’s rubbing off on me.”

Nellie yawns, clearly bored by the boys. They’re too busy flirting to pay any attention to her. The sheer nerve! She is the most important thing in any 一 no, in every 一 room!

can’t keep this beating heart at bay (2.0K, rated G, canon divergence)

Charlie laughs. “Sorry - you were telling me about teaching?”

“Yeah, I really like it so far! I’m a third-year, so I started getting some actual fieldwork to do recently.” Nick kicks a stone by the side of the road. “Your brother’s cute.”

“...Just my brother?” Charlie catches Nick’s gaze.

“You-” this is a disaster. “Listen-” This is a bisexual disaster, specifically. “I think you’re cute too.”

In which Nick is Olly's French tutor, Charlie has a crush on Nick, and Olly is so tired of watching these disaster gays try to flirt.

retriever? I hardly know her! (2.2K, rated G, dog walker AU)

'Oh god, oh god, he’s wearing rainbow shoes. Is he gay, or just extremely unaware that gay people exist?'

So there’s this boy. Man?

Boy? Fellow? Gent?

Cute Park Guy™ is either a professional dog-walker or someone with a large, bumbling group of pets. This is probably his day job; he plays tug-of-war with leashes and chew toys and, from time to time, Nick’s heartstrings.

In which Charlie is always at the dog park with a group of dogs, Nick is there with Nellie, and they both pine after each other softly from across the field.

it’s all an epiphany (0.7K, rated G, canon + light angst)

“Hey, weirdo,” Charlie whispers. “Whatcha doin’?”

“Oh! Hi. Sorry.” Nick rolls over between the comforters, hair on his legs grainy against them. “Dozed off for maybe two hours.” He smooths the longest curls back from Charlie’s temples and kisses there.

“Nghhh, Niiiick, go back to bed. That’s not enough time.” And, after a pause: “Are you feeling okay about David’s birthday coming up?” Charlie asks.

In which Nick despises his brother, even if they're only arguing in his head, and he falls even more in love with his boyfriend.

you make my dreams crumb true (1.8K, rated T, canon + wedding planning fluff)

“Hey, do I get to smash cake in your face at the wedding?” Charlie asks. He tries a slice of raspberry, closest to him. “Wow.”

“Depends, do I get to do it to you?”

Charlie gazes over Nick slowly. “Uh - yeah!” He’d misheard that at first. ‘You can do stuff to me after, too,’ he considers, except this is a public place.

In which Nick and Charlie try to pick a wedding cake flavour and flirt madly the whole time. Late-twenties Nick, unfortunately, still thinks bubblegum is tasty.

it’s an extremely rushed love story (baby, just say yes) (1K, rated G, fake engagement)

Dear god, this plan with Tao had spun wildly out of control. “You’re-” Tara sat down very slowly. “Engaged.”

Nick pulled her into a bear hug across the sofa. “And all because of you two!”

Darcy settled into the couch cushions as if they would fall apart if they hit the cotton too quickly. “Right.”

To get revenge on Tara, Darcy, and Tao for setting them up on a blind date they didn't agree to, Nick and Charlie pretend they're sickeningly in love and engaged.

#heartstopper #charlie x nick #nick x charlie #narlie #nelspring #narlie fanfic #heartstopper fic #heartstopper fanfic #charlie x nick fic #narlie fic #nick nelson #charlie spring #heartstopper series #benwvatt

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super-paper · 7 months

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I can understand ppl not liking stains character (not me tho, love that guy 😌 i too, love and wax poetic about toshi), but im actually surprised that so many people are mad about not only the impact but also the importance of stain in toshinori's arc.. like, idk im sure i fail to pick up on some things as i read the manga, but it makes perfect sense why stain would take on such an important role in saving and helping toshi (in more ways than one). But maybe im just biased ?? Anyway, something something they hate him for being a slut and all the killings something something

Yeah, what gets me is that post was clearly talking about the people who were directly involved in Toshi's arc about choosing to live and the OP included Bakugo bc he's clearly being set up as the coup de grâce/grand finale to that arc about living. Stain's inclusion as a direct participant in that arc was also obvious-- like, "why is a self-righteous killer being included in Toshi's arc but not my favorite student character?? this is proof that the writing is bad!" is such a wild argument imho, bc it's so obvious to me that Toshi needed to develop a relationship with a villain chara entirely because of this:

"If you think of him as anything more than a villain--" the entirety of Act 2 exists to challenge this mindset, and Act 3 exists to defeat it. Stain plays a crucial role beyond just helping convince Toshi to live and fight for his own (and everyone else's) right to keep living--Toshi's heart is able to heal specifically because he doesn't dismiss Stain or think of him as "nothing more than a villain." His meeting with Stain triggers a subtle but needed change in how Toshi views villains:

Calling Stain's contribution to the final act "pointless" ignores the heart of this story and why Toshinori SPECIFICALLY needed Stain SPECIFICALLY as a catalyst for a certain SPECIFIC change, and it ignores what that change actually means for the greater narrative-- again, people tend to severely underestimate how important Tomura and Toshinori actually are to each other's respective arcs, and those arcs are now converging. Like, I don't want to see ppl feigning surprise when their arcs finally overlap with each other, lmao.

Side note, but Stain being a central catalyst character for both Toshi and Tomura + also being the trigger for Tomura doubling down on his villainy + ALSO being one of the many key triggers that will likely lead to Tomura's salvation feels.... bizarrely fitting?? Without Stain, Tomura never seeks out Izuku at the mall, never meets Toga + Touya + Spinner (ESPECIALLY SPINNER), and remains forever at odds with Toshi due to both men remaining stuck in their respective hero/villain roles and being utterly unable to truly *SEE* each other outside those roles. Stain is literally a load bearing wall lmao ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Bkgo going from "stock bully" to someone who practically has to beg Toshinori and Izuku to take their fucking Lexapro while tears stream down his face is the funniest direction his character arc could have taken, but it’s also the best direction it could've taken.

↑ In Bakugo's case, it's obvious why he has a role in Toshinori's arc about living and it's completely fair to include him in a list of people who are most important and influential to that particular arc. There's no need for explanation and no question about what his role in the upcoming chapters will be.

Also I keep seeing people say that the suicide move was meant to be Toshi's homage to Bakugo when, like... it very clearly wasn't. 💀💀💀 Like, Bakugo does have a right to be upset that Toshi was planning to kill himself just to buy them all a few extra seconds of time against AFO-- but I feel like people kind of....?? Don't understand Bakugo's character development if they seriously think he would yell at or guilt-trip Toshi about it. He didn't yell at Izuku when Izuku hit rock bottom, and he knows that Izuku and Toshi suffer from the same feelings of worthlessness and lack of regard for themselves better than anyone. - - - - - - - - - -

Anyway, I think the real root of the issue is actually less about Stain and more so that people are just mad about All Might lmao. One quarter of the fandom thinks he should've died in Kamino, another quarter thinks he should just die now, another quarter thinks that Iron Might is character assassination, a chunk of folks just don't care, and whatever's left over is the handful of old man enthusiasts who think that it's truly lovely (myself included)-- Iron Might is fully intended to be a love letter to everything Toshinori loves and wants to protect, himself included. Criticize it if you like, but if you can't at least acknowledge that much, then something in your heart is dead.

I also feel like also there's something to be said here abt how fandom approaches older adult characters w mental health problems & who struggle with suicidal ideation vs. how they approach the younger characters-- Like, I've seen a shocking lack of sympathy for Toshi from the same people who are very considerate to characters like Touya and Tomura, and I've seen otherwise kind people calling Toshi a "whiner" for what are obvious symptoms of SEVERE depression. These characters all have wildly different circumstances, yes-- but they all struggle with suicidality that manifests in different ways, and I feel they all deserve a more compassionate, delicate reading into their specific arcs and their respective actions as a result.

Toshi's arc and his struggles with mental health in particular is something I feel is handled in such a deeply kind way. The story never once disparages Toshi for backsliding, or treats him as selfish or a lost cause for continuing to struggle even though there are so many people supporting him and encouraging him to live. The story is kind, but the fandom isn't, and that's a bit of a tragedy. (and like, this is probably tmi, but I've struggled with my own mental health since middle school and the suicidal ideation really never goes away no matter how well I'm doing in life-- so.... I'm so happy to see a character with similar issues being depicted so kindly in a story, lol.)

Anyway!

"something something they hate him for being a slut and all the killings something something"

Yeah, they hated him b/c his ass was fat, or whatever those crazy kids are saying these days. <- fully aware that Stain is flat as a board.

#like ur fave's ass might be fat but is it LOAD BEARING WALL fat?? didn't think so. that trunk is where stain stores his massive plot impact.#sophie.txt #mha spoilers #(sorry this turned into a rant and thank u for the ask! lol)#yagi toshinori #akaguro chizome #suicide mention #suicide cw

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genshinemblem564 · 8 months

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Xenologues I-III

Xenologues contain important story elements but don't warrant full chapters, or I couldn't think of a way to link them to previous chapters.

CW: Death, threats of violence

These all take place during the timeskip.

Xeno I: Comeuppance

After Zhongli returned from the meeting, it was time for the imposter to meet their fate. People from all over Teyvat were in Liyue to bear witness, even the archons, divine beasts, and adepti were present.

The ceremony started with the usual legal stuff, such as listing off the criminal's offenses, in this case being the impersonation of a god, attempted murder, and inciting the countless other crimes committed by those that they successfully manipulated.

The imposter was brought to the chopping block and was readied for execution before the goddess gave a speech ending with.

(S/N): Has the guilty any final words?

The imposter looks up at the crowd before them.

Imp.: Yeah. Here's a few. I don't know how, but somehow, someway, I'll make you all burn. YOU HEAR ME? YOU'RE ALL GONNA...

Before they could finish, the axe came down, and the crowd roared with cheer and glee. All except for one. Hu Tao knew she should be happy, but something was causing her great discomfort. What was this sinking feeling in her chest?

Xeno II: Rememberance

You, Sharena, and Alfonse were walking through inazuma when something catches your eye. An old bridge over a small river surrounded by sakura trees.

Sharena: What's up Summoner?

Alfonse: Is something the matter?

(Y/N): I've seen this place before.

This shocks everyone.

Sharena: Don't be silly. We only just got here.

Alfonse: Yeah, and besides, you said yourself that some worlds can have several similarities.

(Y/N): No, no. I haven't been here, but I've seen it. When I was young, too young to even be in school, I had a dream about a place that looked just like this. The only difference was that this bridge was in far better condition. It was like a memory from a past life.

As you were speaking, your hand was unconsciously investigating the wooden bridge, as if something was supposed to be there.

(Y/N): *sigh* Whatever.

Sharena: Huh!?

Alfonse: What do you mean "Whatever"? Doesn't this warrant investigation?

(Y/N): No. There's no guarantee I'd recall anything if we did, and trying to force myself to remember would only give me a headache. I'll remember if I'm meant to, but that won't change much, if anything at all. I'll still be me.

With that, you walk onward. The siblings share a concerned look before following you. Little did you know, your conversation was overheard by two individuals who were rather elated by this revelation.

Xeno III: Elements and Alchemy

Albedo had invited you, Sucrose, and Mona to his lab in the KoF HQ, as Dragonspine would be too cold for Mona given her choice of attire. He had found another other worldly seed, but previous methods proved ineffective. Even now, you four were struggling to find a solution.

Sucrose: Ugh!! This is hopeless. Nothing we do is working, and (Y/N)'s advice hasn't got us any closer.

Mona: Are you certain this thing can bloom?

Albedo: It can. It's happened before, we just need the right method.

(Y/N): Hmm, I wonder. What if it's not the method but the components that need changing? More specifically, what if we're missing one?

Albedo: What do you mean?

(Y/N): The elements you all use play a part in plant growth, earth, water, air, but we're missing one, plants photosynthesize using the sun's light.

Sucrose: B-But, light doesn't exist as an element in this world.

(Y/N): Then perhaps you need some otherworldly assistance.

Saying this, you raise your hand and an orb of light forms between all of you. Everyone is awe struck by this until you pull them back to reality.

(Y/N): Well, shall we try again?

Albedo nods, and everyone pours their elements into the orb before said orb is combined with the seed. Everyone watched with bated breath, and the seed bloomed, and just like last time disappeared. However, this time, a petal from the flower was miraculously left intact.

Mona: How did you know that would work?

(Y/N): I didn't, but I had to try something else if changing the method didn't work.

Albedo: I'm more curious about your ability to harness a new element. What all do you know about elements?

(Y/N): I don't know much, but I do know this, there are far more than seven or even eight elements if you include the light I just produced. They can be categorized into three groups, core elements, sub-elements, such as metal for earth, and combination elements, ice itself is a combination of cold air meeting water. However, I have only witnessed nine elements being harnessed. You already know seven, but the last two, light and dark, are foreign to you, correct?

Albedo practically pounced on you, grabbing your hands and looking you in the eyes.

Albedo: Please, teach me to harness these elements. As an alchemist, I need to understand more about this world and those beyond.

It takes you a moment to collect yourself after such a normally calm individual expresses such eagerness.

(Y/N): Sorry, I'm not the best teacher when it comes to practical use, but if you're that eager, you're more than welcome to visit Askr anytime. There's more than a few individuals who would gladly share their knowledge.

Albedo nods in agreement, and everyone heads home.

Albedo: Today's experiment yielded more than just results. This newfound knowledge will no doubt be invaluable, but I can't help but wonder. Why is it that a single petal still remains?

___________________________________________

Xenologue II was inspired by something that actually happened to me when I was very young. It's also an interesting topic that I don't see many, or any, people making use of. Seeing visions of your past life through dreams, in an au centered around a past life, you'd think someone would have done this by now.

Also, Xenologue III is so long because it was originally meant to be its own chapter, but as stated prior, I couldn't find a way to link it to a prior chapter, and I also didn't want to wait until I could.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed these.

#genshin impact #sagau #fire emblem heroes #feh #imposter au #crossover

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modern-art-is-art · 9 months

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The Magic Trick You Didn't See - A Critique + Good Omens meta

Alright so I think a lot of people have read the Google Doc that's been floating around on Good Omens tumblr. I'm here to offer a different perspective, because I think there's a lot that OP got wrong. So, without further ado, let's get into it.

Okay so this is the main point of the essay: The season is weird because the Metatron is changing the past via the Book of Life and therefore he is also changing the present. The author comes to the conclusion that almost EVERYTHING we see on screen is somehow a tampered memory/fake scenario planted by Metatron.

Don't get me wrong, the idea that Metatron is somehow influencing/changing/manipulating reality could very well be somewhat true (especially since there is a lot of focus put on the coffee thing), but that all the things we've seen so far is fake? Nah. Why not? Well:

Point 1: We don't know how the Book of Life works. As OP pointed out, it was mentioned 2 times. Both times we only got the information that someone's entire existence can be wiped out by erasing them from it. Not that it can be edited to change the past and future.

Point 2: Some of the things brought up in OP's post are not weird at all. For example, episode 2. OP goes on a rant about how the whole thing feels fictional and not like the rest of the episodes. It can be explained by the fact that it was not written by Neil in the first place, but by John Finnemore, the guest author. He doesn’t write like Neil (but it was very entertaining nonetheless). They also make a big fuss about how Crowley looks different, but considering the fact that Crowley can change how he looks whenever he wishes I don't really think it bears much significance. Like, this is the same guy who turned into a Nanny. I don't think wearing glasses is that weird for him to do.

Point 3: OP argues the entire opening is a fake memory by Metatron. Excuse me but no. The suggestion box thing is an important part to the story, because it explains how Crowley fell + WHY Aziraphale gives up everything to join Heaven. Because in Aziraphale's eyes, material things does not matter as long as he has Crowley by his side. It's the meaning behind: "Nothing lasts forever". If losing his bookshop, food and books are what it takes so he can fix Heaven, get Crowley his suggestion box, and see him as happy as he was back then, then by bloody God Aziraphale will do it and he will be glad to.

Point 4: OP argues Metatron somehow knows Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship SUPER well and is sowing seeds for conflict in the past that will somehow affect the present. Like what. How? How would Metatron know how to do that? An example of this is that supposedly, the scene with the laudanum is faked by Metatron to make Aziraphale think Crowley is embarrassing? Have you seen how Aziraphale looks at Crowley when he is high as a kite? Man's down bad.

The whole point of that episode isn't that it's fake, but that Aziraphale struggles to grasp that not all actions fit in to neat little boxes of "good" and "bad". Because while Crowley realizes the grey area in what Elspeth is doing, Aziraphale pivots from "grave robbing bad" to "grave robbing good!", without any deeper contemplation. It's to show us how rigid his sense of morality is.

This goes for other flashbacks as well. Most of them show us Aziraphale struggling with coming to terms with what Heaven wants and what he thinks is right.

Point 5: OP argues Metatron faked the memory of Wee Morag dying to make Crowley look not as good. Yeah so this one makes little sense, because according to OP, Wee Morag didn't die but was resurrected by Crowley, but this was too good of an action to do so Metatron changed it to Crowley "giving money to the poor." OP says this happens because 1. Aziraphale would have loved him more for saving those girls and being such a hero and 2. Crowley getting dragged to Hell and tortured must mean he's done something WAY better than what he did.

I think this is wrong because Crowley did not JUST give money to the poor. He stopped Elspeth from committing suicide. Suicide is a BIG sin in Christianity, so in Hell's eyes, he just robbed them of a soul. It is one hell of a good act to do. Also, Aziraphale is already whipped. I don't think Crowley giving money to the poor would influence that much.

Point 6: According to OP, Aziraphale offering Crowley to be his second in command is out of character and proof of Metatron's meddling. Now, I could see this at first, because yes, Aziraphale has never acted like Crowley is beneath him. He's certainly said he is, but never acted like he was.

However, if we look closely we can see that Heaven doesn't have second in commands. All hell breaks loose when Gabriel disappears because the Archangels can't agree on who should be giving orders, because after Gabriel, Michael and Uriel are the same rank! (this angel hierarchy is confirmed by Neil btw). Aziraphale is offering Crowley what he believes he's always wanted; a way to make suggestions, hence why the suggestion box conversation in the beginning was so important. Aziraphale has never viewed Crowley as a demon, rather an angel that was unfairly banished. That's why he thinks Crowley would react positively to his offer, now that the people who didn't understand him are not in charge anymore.

Point 7: "Aziraphale is lazy and doesn't want to lead, obviously Metatron is doing something." NO. Unlike the other angels, Aziraphale cares so much for earth and humanity. He'd never be able to run off to Alpha Centauri like Gabriel and Beelzebub, because that would mean leaving earth in the hands of Heaven and Hell. It's why he turns down Crowley's offer to run away in Season 1 and why he continues to do it in season 2, because like Crowley says: "He's discovered his civic obligations."

Aziraphale has never come to terms with the fact that Heaven and Hell as institutions are bad. He thinks the problem stems from the fact that the wrong people are in charge. This is why he accepts Metatron's proposal, because he has ALWAYS believed that the other angels are simply not understanding God's will. See in season 1, where he is convinced that by talking directly to God, she'll set things straight and stop the apocalypse (See also season 2. where Aziraphale refuses to believe God wants Job's children dead.) This belief never goes away because Aziraphale never ends up speaking to God, so he just thinks that him averting Armageddon was always a part of Her plan, and that he did the right thing all along.

This is also the ONLY part where I can accept manipulation from Metatron, but not in the "he is putting on a cosmic play" instead in the "abusive relationship" way. This is because Aziraphale's relationship with Heaven clearly parallels with Nina's abusive relationship with Lindsey. Metatron is manipulating Aziraphale, telling him all the things he's longed to hear from the institution which he values so highly (you're the right angel for the job, you can bring your friend, you did the RIGHT thing, you're a GOOD ANGEL). He is pulled back into the cult that is Heaven through a person who takes precautions to appear "like him". That's why the coffee is important, it signals to Aziraphale: "See, I'm also like you, I don't think like Gabriel or the others. I'll listen this time, this time it will be different."

This becomes even clearer when you look at the notes Lindsey writes to Nina. They're awfully similiar to what Heaven has said to Aziraphale. Do notice that despite Lindsey texting Nina these things, they show up on screen as paper notes. Which lovely (derogatory) institution likes to send rude notes? HEAVEN.

This is why it's so much more interesting story wise if it's not some Book of Life conspiracy, but Aziraphale and Crowley making these decisions. If it turns out that all this happened because they were manipulated into doing this they wouldn't do otherwise, it removes all agency from the characters. I'd be upset if that were the case, because the show would lose its opportunity to accurately reflect how trauma hurts a person, and how that trauma needs to be healed.

Bonus points: OP needs to realize that some things are jokes. Like the halfwitted Nazis being halfwitted? Yeah no shit, they're Nazis, fuck em. The Halo being a deus ex machina (meaning "God from the machinery, which is pretty funny considering the machinery in question is a halo). Crowley referring to alcohol as the "old demon drink"? A JOKE.

Bonus bonus point: Don't... insult Gaiman while raising him to onto a pedestal??? Like I don't think OP realizes how much of a snob they'll come off as if (when lol) their theory turns out to be false. The whole thing is a diss on the fact that you didn't like Neil's writing this season UNLESS he adheres exactly to your ideas on how it should turn out. Don't do a Sherlock 2.0. Let writers be human. They can make mistakes and they can write something you don't like.

The whole document put me off from the start because in certain places it's so painfully clear this person hasn't understood how Gaiman writes. Yeah, some dialogue is unrealistic at times. I haven't even gotten into the "Maggie is fake" because I think a large part of her character is meant as a joke. This season comes from the same guy who wrote that Satan himself was defeated by a kid saying "you're not my real dad". It's not meant to be realistic, it's meant to be thoughtful, absurd and funny. It's not bad writing, it's Gaiman and that is what makes it so wonderful.

(side note: As a person who loves modern art, I HAVE to dunk on the reductive perspective that Picasso and other modern artists makes shitty art on purpose. Watch Jacob Geller's "Who's Afraid of Modern Art" if you want to learn more.)

Might edit this in case I remember something else that I didn't agree with. I'd also like to point out that none of this is in bad faith, I just don't agree. So let's all be civil about a show we both clearly love.

#good omens season 2 #good omens #go2 #good omens spoilers #good omens meta #aziraphale #crowley #this is so long #but i had to say my piece

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louisisalarrie · 1 month

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whats your theory about a failed coming out?

like was larry going to come out during 1D, or has louis/harry attempted to come out since

heeeeelllloooooo lovely. happy to see you here again!!

I’m gonna go into this in a little more context this time round because I’ve gotten this question a couple of times now, and am more than happy to share my thoughts. just a disclaimer that the theory I’m going to share, is what I personally believe happened, but is not rock solid proof, but does make a lot of sense. You’re all free to make up your own mind about this, open to discussion, but no one be hateful pls.

starrysaturdays and the anon who asked me earlier today about this, welcome to the show.

This post by caralara really opened my eyes and thoughts to what could’ve gone down. I seriously think it’s a possibility, and the timeline matches up, and at the time… we all really believed that we were coming super close to a coming out. Harry was becoming more flamboyant, ran with the rainbow flag, “not that important”, “don’t knock it til ya try it”, RBB and SBB and the countdown of bears “coming out of hibernation”, Belfast, the big gay war, everything. 2015 was a wild year, as we all know, and Larry were able to communicate to each other more publicly again, and yeah. We were optimistic.

That post I linked is in no way blaming zayn, like, the man needed to do what he needed to do. But it’s a major play into the brand of One Direction and having a coming out after zayn leaving is one scandal after another. It blew up too big, and PR wouldn’t have been able to handle it. They believed they’d lose a lot of the fanbase, and everything would’ve looked super chaotic and messy if it did happen. It was truly a spanner in the works of the master plan. If the boys had signed on again, there were probably some promises of coming out, too.

But I do think that Harry was meant to come out as bisexual (regardless of what his sexuality genuinely is, but it’s the safest bet for management not outing his stunts while the band is still together, and he genuinely could be bi), and the best way to make sure Harry can come out but not give Larry fans more ammo was setting louis up with a kid. Party Boy Louis™️ as we called him. They couldn’t possibly be together, even though Harry wasn’t straight. Ya know?

So anyway, I think the post I linked explains it all and I think, if this is what went down, it definitely caused a big rift between Harry and louis and zayn and that’s why louis wouldn’t forgive him for so long and said they weren’t ready to talk about what happened etc. Idk, to me, the tension there seemed more than just about how much louis loved 1d.

Anyway, moving on to your question about attempted coming outs, I think Harry is somewhat out. He’s been very ambiguous about his sexuality, and it’s a smart move. The whole Xarry thing was a good example of this (apart from the fact harries like to pretend 1d never existed so they won’t even look into it). It keeps his fanbase onboard with believing that he’ll fall in love with them because he’s never said he’s not into their gender. It’s a standard PR move, but easier to move into a full coming out and a label if he so chooses to. Before they do that though, they are genuinely going to have to start seeding a stunt with someone who does not identify as female, otherwise people are just gonna keep saying he’s queerbaiting. A lot of people already do believe that, and he’s lost fans from it. But, they’ll probably believe that being publicly with a man would be the stunt. So I guess either way he’s gonna lose, but it’s a bit safer it is the way now. I do see a proper coming out for him sometime in the future, whether or not he’ll label it, something more concrete will happen. But I think he’ll be out solo, before he’s out with louis. He’s halfway there.

Louis hasn’t really attempted a coming out at all. I think he’s happy just doing what he’s doing, but is open to coming out when the time is right, and I think he’ll only do it with Harry. I don’t think he’d come out solo. He doesn’t have the brand for it, and with a smaller fanbase (and the chaos we’ve seen of Louies vouching for his straightness and bbg being real) he’s gonna lose some fans and it’s gonna impact him a lot more than Harry, and bbg does affect this too.

If louis does come out, I don’t think it means necessarily that there will be an “end” to bbg, per se. Already we’ve seen less and less of that kid, apart from like 10 mins of louis’ doc and our annual Christmas family photo and a couple of tweets, it’s not shoved down our throats like it once was. You know why? Because bbg doesn’t serve its purpose anymore.

Louis doesn’t get that much press. He’s doing well, but if Harry had a kid, the press would neeeever shut up about it, even 8 years down the line. But bbg and F and B aren’t in the public eye anymore, and barely any of the GP would even know Louis had a kid by now. I was talking to a friend not in the industry about Louis the other day, and they were like “oh! I don’t know him. What’s the name of the one with the kid?” And I was like “… Zayn?” And they were like “Yeah!” Soooooo yeah. Bbg doesn’t get press, it doesn’t boost louis’ publicity, it just… doesn’t have a purpose anymore. And thank god it’s not shoved down our throats all the time still, but it’s also a bit of a backup plan. It’s sitting there, so if they need publicity of Louis being with his kid at his concert or something like that, it’ll make some headlines. It’ll also keep him straight when need be, and probably when Harry comes out we’ll see some kid content.

I’ve kind of weirdly come to terms recently with the fact that we might never see an end to bbg. It might just continue to slowly disappear. Even when Louis/Larry come out, he can just say he didn’t figure out his sexuality til later. That’s a totally valid thing and will be widely accepted as a reason for having a kid, and not because your management and PR team are filthy and set you up with one.

Anyway, I think S*mon felt really bad about bbg being extended after the shit show that was 2015, and that’s why he gave louis all those opportunities to get extra money and publicity on X Factor etc., and to maybe bribe him a bit to not out the stunts or take things into his own hands (like when he went holding hands with his female friend that he absolutely was not meant to do to get rid of relationship rumours with B and closer ties to bbg). That’s the only reason I can think of them acting like buddies now.

So yeah. Harry will come out first, then louis and Harry hanging out seeding etc. will happen, and then they’ll very veeeery slowly come out together. Unless the other shoe drops and they out S*mon and his cowards first, and lose all their money in a court case. We’ll wait and see.

Anyway sorry if this is a bit of an all over the shop ramble, I’m slightly hungover. But we need to just keep our eyes peeled. Things will happen slowly, but surely.

#anon #answered #bbg #stunts #starrysaturdays

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jasontoddiefor · 1 year

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okay so, i realize that's probably not your current fandom, but i'm (once again) in a pjo content binge and i when i checked your pjo tags (Trading Tomorrow fan here) the first post was "no mist au". Which sounds really, really awesome. would you be willing to share some ideas about it or something?

I am always willing to talk about my AUs!!! And I'm glad you like Trading Tomorrow! That fic is still very dear to me!

Right, as the name says, the "no mist AU" is essentially an AU where the mist ceases existing when Percy is still like toddler age and the world is thrown into chaos. We end in some sorta post apocalyptic state where we see the return of the old worship mixed with new ways because demigods are still pretty much the only ones who can kill monsters. But now, well, normal people are praying to the gods as well again.

Some plot points include

Sally taking Percy and running and establishing herself as a person who knows what's up, and more than that, has a kid. She ends running a city alongside the coast as Poseidon's priestess.

The Roman Empire makes a return. Ne Rome adapts quickly to these new circumstances and they do it really well, expanding territory. Thalia and Jason both grow up in New Rome!

On that note, there is kind of a constant power struggle going on between various territories and gods and Kronos is also Awake And Having Some Thoughts

Camp Halfblood is the other big player. I'm not sure which name it'll get but it'll definitely will be renamed. I like New Alexandria (as opposed to New Athen as I've seen in a couple fics) because of Alexander the Great kicking off the Hellenism (just bear with this phrasing I know that's not how history works) and PJO seeming to rely more on late stages of ancient greek history.

But here are plenty of other bigger settlements with their own leader, goals and protections. Though being a demigod guarantees having kind of a higher status in society and people that are/would have been born clear-sighted have a sort of sense for when monsters are near, opposed to normal people.

But yeah, mostly this is post apocalypse meets ancient greek civilization?

And Sally doing everything she can to keep her kid safe and being very badass in turn.

Uuuh take a snippet?

Sally had devoured entire volumes about Greek mythology and the gods’ worship during her pregnancy. She’d never breathed a word of it to Percy, choosing ignorance as protection, but in their changed world, her knowledge needn’t be summoned. It was already there.

“Does anyone have sweets on them or alcohol?” Sally asked.

The people in her group only stared at her in confusion, some even in mistrust.

“It’s important.”

“What are you doing?”

“Prayer,” Sally said. She hadn’t ever been religious, meeting Poseidon hadn’t changed that. But could this really still be religion if she knew it to be truth?

Sally tossed the chocolate bar and the vodka from the flask into the fire.

“To our Lord Poseidon, for protection and safety of this commune.”

Actually take two snippets:

Leo does not like to admit that they might be in trouble, but he’s so nervous he can’t think of a weapon to aid him, never mind focus on making any fire. He glances to the right where Bryce’s body was already cooling, and nearly threw up. The scorpion’s sting had ripped right through his stomach, leaving behind an ugly, revolting wound. Luke is still holding onto his sword, but he can’t even stand properly, never mind fight.

The realization that they are utterly fucked hits like a brick to the face.

He’s survived the end of the world, myth becoming reality and this is what kills him: a regular patrol in an area that should be free of monsters. Leo hadn’t even been scheduled to go on this patrol, only volunteered at the last minute. He’d hoped to impress Luke, maybe see if he could secure permission to move outside the safe perimeters to get more parts to work with.

How stupid, not even their base is truly safe.

With an ugly roar, the scorpion turns around, aiming straight for Leo. Behind it, Luke struggles to get on his feet.

That’s it, Leo’s done for.

He tries to smile so Luke won’t blame himself and maybe do the smart thing and get away. Optimistic last thoughts so that Leo can rest peacefully in the underworld, having died a hero’s death. Phrased like this, dying doesn’t even sound that horrible.

The thought does not make the scorpion look any less terrifying and just when Leo decided to scream, he is cut off.

“Hold this for me.”

Instinctually, Leo holds out his arms and a bag gets dropped into them. The bag is warm and soft and has bright green eyes and oh, gods, that’s a baby.

Leo looks up and there’s a blur of black and blue standing in front of him. His brain is a bit slow on the upkeep, still reeling with the realization that he is holding a baby, and in the seconds it takes him to realize a stranger had come to their aid, the man has already drawn his blade. It’s made from pure celestial bronze, which is enough to make Leo’s jaw go slack. He’s only seen pure celestial bronze or imperial gold only a handful of times. The metals are incredibly scarce and Leo wants to touch that sword right now.

But he can’t.

Because he’s holding a baby and the sword is in its wielder’s hand, who is using it to systematically decimate the scorpion without ever breaking a sweat.

The monster surges up on more time, and the man simply adjust his hold on the sword and drops low, piercing the beast from below.

And just like that, it’s over and the clearing is silent.

#percy jackson #leo valdez #sally jackson #luke castellan #pjo #no mist au #fanfic #ask #anon

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optimumonprime · 2 months

Text

Hmmm. Okay. Bear with me on this, it’s been something on my mind for a while and I just need to write it out at this point.

As an American anti-Zionist Jew, I have been baffled by some of the statements made by American Zionist Jews. My social circles are way leftist because I get to choose that lmao, but my family and professional circles are much more neoliberal and I have seen many Zionist colleagues and cousins express their fears about Israel. Most notably, I have seen these people say they’re scared that Israel is facing an existential threat right now—and the thing is, I think they’re right to be! I think there’s a small but real chance that in a years time Israel won’t exist anymore.

But also like. why is that? Girl the call is coming from inside the house! If Israel is facing an existential crisis it’s because it’s being run by a far right wing nutjob government addicted to ethnically cleansing innocent people and meticulously documenting their own war crimes!! And this is being done largely thanks to the support of American Zionists, Jewish and goyische alike. Being done in our names. And none of these Zionist Jews are even criticizing it?

I don’t get it I don’t get it!! It’s like all of these people have memory holed how evil a shitbag they used to think Netanyahu is. “Well we don’t like him but…” BUT WHAT?? You’re too into dead NICU babies to challenge his actions? Imagine if literally every citizen in every country allied with the USA saw 9/11 happen and was suddenly in 2003 like “well bush seemed like a dick but if he says Iraq has wmds then he must be telling the truth” like COME ONNNNNNN

Most of the Zionists I know fall into the “Israel deserves to exist / Jews deserve a homeland” definition of Zionism. I disagree (first of all, no state, especially an ethnostate, deserves to exist so jot that down) but fine. I can have that conversation. But if that’s true?

If you’re a Zionist and Israel is important to you?

Then you should be protesting it’s actions harder than anyone right now.

Because yeah, the country may be dying. But if it is, it’s rotting from the inside out.

#okay to reblog

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imliterallyjustablackgirl · 5 months

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Claire '' of course I know the name'' 2/2

Nostalgia is good, but it isn't meant to stay, so that's why she left. They both felt let down by emotions that wouldn't have lasted because they never knew each other, despite the forced sense of familiarity that seems to be forced upon us. Think about it, she has been presented as a form of distraction. Ex: when people have like a life outside of work it's celebrated, but it's a poor attempt at normacy from a guy who isn't yet ready to be normal (doesn't exist but ok) ? A lot seems to forget that Carmen growing up WAS a neurospiceyyy, stuttering and quite alone guy. Everything Carmen does, screams, I want to know what if feels like, but our guy doesn't know H O W . Truthfully he was always showed what he should seek, told when to apologize from Donna who to like from Mikey, so him liking Claire right now when he has vowed to change the chemisty of the restaurant with his busniness partner slash girl who is also friend aka Syd, a lap that if it fail its on him, hell yeah my boy's gonna run towards the past. Even, with Claire his supposed girl who is a friend, didn't have quite the patience to understand that? So truly how much layers do you except your lover to have? One? like his crush for you was enough and you went'' ily,kissy face'' like, you know what, let's move on. The reality of it, it feels like his way of honoring what Mikey would have liked for him not what he wants.I saw someone say somewhere (Tiktok?) that from a viewing point we might not like Claire because of how fast paced the Bear is and chaotic and everything that is normal seems boring or flat, she is meant to show us the outside world of the Bear, outside of cooking. I could see some of that with the aspect that she is a ER doctor, which in the real world would be fast but in the Bear universe, she seems..cozy? Out there running errands, letting people biiiiiiiiiiiiippp, while she twirls her hair on the phone in the hall (jk), if you asked me, it's just feels a bore to have so many interesting characters and then, Claire? I love Carmen, but instead of viewing her as this breath of fresh air she is always shown us as another thing that piles up on Carm anxiety ( i.e: The break down in freezer and the panick attack.) You know when people talk about love right, because she said she loved him, and we see how uncomfy he gets, he gave her a fake number for crying out loud., most people would love for you to balance it out, right be happy about your relationship but because of how much been with her has monopolized his attention, as a partner I would h a t e to know I'm the reason I think when saw @bbythurs say if your partner was in an opening of a really important event for them wouldn't stand down? Like, even when Carm came to their table, it was quick, swiftly and thoughtful. Like a partner would have understood if he couldn't because of how busy it got, I even remember her looking a little bit around, so the girl got a grasp on how busy the resto is, u'kna, 'the 'opening' of their restaurant. Mostly, if like our common friend, Fak literally said it's not a good moment, when @bbythurs said it was pushy , I recall even a word about how it reflect his family dynamic, the lack of boundaries and what not. It feels like we are supposed to like her. You know, she gives a really good ''everyone'' liked her at school- popular-ish, but also, that type of people often stay the same in a weird way?Remember when I said everything changes but stay the same? It makes me wonder if things we are meant to see endearing about her are the same things that show us that Carmen might not know boundaries when it concern relationship because his family didn't show him how , so someone who would lack some wouldn't raise alarm to him, because he wouldn't be able to hear it (get it, like in that one episode) and now he is left in the cold, literally. I'm going to leave you all to Carmen opening up to his friend who is a girl, Sydney, done not in a mental breakdown but an attempt to not make his wife understand him

#carmy x sydney #sydcarmy #claire bear

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