#no thoughts except margot robbie
Text
“are you planning to see barbie or oppenheimer this weekend?”
“no, probably not”
the way jack really just dgaf and doesn’t even try to play along is so funny
#trevor having no clue what oppenheimer is so on brand for him#no thoughts except margot robbie#cole is so barbie coded#like he is literally ken#cole caufield#trevor zegras#jack hughes#matt boldy
122 notes
·
View notes
Text
stumbled across this thread from 2020 yesterday… holy shit margot is a real life metahuman
#this is why she does so many of her own stunts#reminds me of when they were doing i tonya and they were like ok margot start th routine and we’ll bring in the double when you need to stop#and margot would do like. 40 seconds of the routine before she had to stop and they were all like. I thought it’d be more like 10 seconds#insane woman she can just do everything (except sing apparently but I want to hear her sing anyway)#margot robbie
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Miguel’s Reaction to You Taking Him to Watch The Barbie Movie
Warnings: Mainly Just Miguel Being Defensive, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Miguel Secretly Being a Barbie Girl, No Pronouns Used for Reader Except ‘You’.
Miguel loves you. So, so much. And he would move Heaven and Earth to ensure even an ounce of your happiness.
However, he is 100% convinced that this excursion, this ‘girls’ day out’, will be anything more than a mind-numbing jaunt to the cinema.
At first.
He can’t deny that his heart sank and all enthusiasm he held for your date drained from his body the second you said the words ‘Barbie’ and ‘Movie’ in the same sentence.
But alas, he swallowed his dismay and took you out, plastering on a thin smile while he thought of a million and one things you could both be doing besides watching this masterclass in colour theory.
Sat beside you, packed in on either side by yourself and the many other attendees, waiting for the film to begin, Miguel can feel his patience trying to escape, trying to convince him to run, to get out while you still can!
Because of his heightened senses, he can hear every single word passing between the crowd. And with every mention of “Pink”, “Ryan Gosling,” and “Margot Robbie!” he can feel his mind numb.
The film starts. And for you, sending a watery smile your way, while your eyes sparkle with nostalgic wonder, he endures.
Five minutes in, Miguel is assaulted by pink. The very essence of the colour and all its vibrancy sends hot pink pain through his skull, his senses raw.
Quietly, he slips his sunglasses on.
This is going to be a long movie.
And, for the first quarter of the film, Miguel held that notion. Near and dear as if it were the antidote to the current situation.
Then, halfway in, the story started to intrigue him.
The colour scheme is…tolerable now. Even pleasing to the eye in some scenes.
And, dare he say, Miguel found the music to be catchy.
Two thirds in and he’s sat forward in his seat, hands clasped and his lips resting atop them. Not that you can see, but his eyes are blown wide, his mind arace with possible outcomes.
By the end of the film, Miguel’s holding your hand, forehead pressed to your shoulder, a single, silent tear illustrating his cheek.
“Miggy?” you say, leaning over to try and see his face. You recognised the singular jutting of his shoulders immediately. And, with a smile teetering on the edges of your lips, you try to console him.
“Mig–”
“S’nothing. M’fine,” His cut-off is blunt and non-negotiable. You drop the subject and escort him from the screening by his arm, the music bright as the credits roll. The dimness of the room gives way to light, gradually, slowly. The streak of Miguel’s tear glistens.
Miguel’s visceral reaction to Barbie’s movie doesn’t stop when you get home, by the way.
It actually gets worse.
If you’re lucky, you can catch Miguel reading articles on his phone, an unmistakably pink banner and the title of ‘Top 10 Things You Missed in The Barbie Movie!’ leaving little to the imagination.
Confronting him about it will lead you nowhere. Miguel will sooner shove his phone up his ass and pretend it never existed than admit that he is indeed curious as to what happened to that one background character who fell off a cliff in that one scene. Is she okay? Does anybody know where she is? Does her family know?
The fact that you find his curiosity (empathy) endearing, ‘Aww’ing at him and pinching his cheeks, makes him ever the more secretive.
Just about secretive enough to keep his volume to a minimum when he’s singing; tunes which you know are from the soundtrack.
“I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world~”
“Babe, what was th–”
“Nothing.” He’s blunt, but there is haste to his tone. Shame, even.
Occasionally, you’ll see him eyeing up Barbie-themed merch when you’re out shopping. But he never makes a move to purchase any. Not for himself, anyway.
He’ll buy you said merch – anything that catches your eye, your fancy. Even if it is a shirt ten sizes too big.
“Babe,” you say, pinching the shirt up at your shoulders, the fabric in enough excess to cause the neck to expose most of your chest. “I may be wrong here, but I’m fairly certain only you would be able to fit in this shirt.”
“Oh, well, guess I’ll just have to take it off your hands, then,” he says, his elation barely concealed behind his faux-disappointment. As if him doing so is a chore – that he’s doing you the favour by taking the garment whose shoulders could only fit his insane proportions.
Please just buy him the merch. Any shame he may feel upon initially receiving it will fade when he realises – when you reinforce – how his liking of Barbie is “Adorable, yes. But uplifting; it’s so relieving to see that you’ve found something you actually like that isn’t to do with the Spiderverse!”
“It’s actually called the–”
“Yeah, I don’t care, Babe.”
His favourite present you ever got him was a brightly-coloured exercise suit Barbie and Ken wore in the movie. He had to turn away, the fabric neon in his periphery, tears filling his eyes and balling in his throat when he saw that you’d bought a matching one.
“So we can fight crime in style!”
Miguel’s watery smile twitched, faltered. His Brow furrowed.
“Wait, what’s that supposed to mean?” he said. “You don’t think my suit’s fashionable?”
The way your face drained was enough to spark laughter in Miguel’s chest. His only line of defence against the tears that pricked his throat, played him like an instrument, with you as the orchestra’s master.
While he can’t wear the suit out on superhero duty, he does keep the headband on beneath the suit.
A reminder of you when he’s throwing himself at every threat, every monster, every evil, the band a halo hugged to his skin; a slim substitute for your warm touch, your scent, but a reminder all the same.
Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)
Masterlist
Masterpost
Yandere Masterlist
Juicy Original Content <3
#miguel ohara#barbie#barbie movie#barbie 2023#miguel ohara x reader#miguel o'hara#miguel o hara#miguel o'hara x reader#miguel o'hara x you#miguel o'hara x y/n#miguel ohara x you#miguel ohara x y/n#miguel o hara x reader#spiderman 2099#spiderman 2099 x reader#spiderman 2099 x you#across the spiderverse#spiderman#spiderman x reader#spiderman astv#spider verse
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Things my coworkers said during the Barbie movie:
Carson (17) : “wait. Is Ken the OG incel?”
Jermie (22) : “where do I get those rollerblades?” Also “That little girl is kinda mean. It’s not Barbie’s fault the world sucks. She should punch a president instead of yelling at Barbie.”
Jalen (19) : “now I’m upset that horses don’t run the world.”
Ken (24) : [quietly, during “I’m Just Ken,” in time with the music] “Ken. Ken. Ken. Ken. Ken.”
Caleb (18, his first day was the same day we went to the movie) : “I always thought I would want Morgan Freeman to narrate my life, but now I want Lizzo to write a song about it.”
Nathan (22, dressed up as Allan) : “Midge is actually Allan’s wife. Did you know that? He’s not actually gay. I mean, he is because him and Ken definitely fuck but - ” [gets told to shut up by another movie-goer] [quietly] “some people don’t know the Barbie lore and it shows.”
Cody (20, brought his gf but made her sit alone so he could sit with us) : “I like the little old lady. She reminds me of my granny. Except less racist.”
Questions the boys asked after the Barbie movie:
Carson : “I don’t think I understood it. Why was Barbieland supposed to be better than the real world if the Kens were treated like objects.” [we all kinda explain it] “Wait. Maggie. You feel like a Ken every day? I’m so sorry.”
Jermie : “Why did the old lady not tell Barbie she could be real? Is that something I was supposed to understand?”
Jalen : “Was that Dua Lipa? Was she a mermaid? Also, Ryan Gosling? Margot Robbie? Kate McKinnon? Dude. I thought this was gunna be bad just because it had so many big Hollywood people. But it was - god. Greta Gerwig will definitely be mentioned in my next therapy session. Can we come back next week?”
Ken : “Did you cry? I didn’t cry. It was alright.” (he definitely cried. Twice. I sat next to him.)
Caleb : “Can we get matching I Am Kenough shirts?”
Nathan : “Can I write a letter to Greta Gerwig to both thank her and ask her to never make a movie again? I don’t think I’ll survive another Greta movie.” (He has seen Little Women (2019) and Lady Bird (2017). He claims to have not recovered from either of them as well.)
Cody : “What’s a gynecologist?”
#my work#i work with men#i love working with them#boys will be Barbie#barbie movie#barbie 2023#greta gerwing barbie#greta gerwig#barbie and ken#the boys and I have had long talks about the Barbie movie#they love it#we love it#we are getting matching I am kenough shirts#coworkers#boys from work#Barbie
313 notes
·
View notes
Text
- KEEP IT A SECRET -
pt.1 | pt.2
- Chris Sturniolo x Fem Reader (she/her pronouns used)
- Warnings: kissing (making out lmao), swearing (not a lot), fluff, I think that’s it ??; NOT PROOFREAD
- About: Y/n is best friends with Matt, but all of a sudden she starts hanging out with Chris more. They both think it’s completely platonic until a moment they share while driving home one night.
—————————————————————————————
(Y/N’s POV):
“Matt! Come on, let’s go. We’re gonna be late.” I yelled from the boys’ living room.
“Y/n I can’t find my charger and I need-” he yelled back as I walked towards his room.
“Don’t worry about it. I have one in my car.” I say, grabbing his hand and pulling him out of his room.
“Hey, where are you guys off to?” I hear a voice ask, coming from the kitchen.
It was Chris.
“Oh, we have a meeting with Laura. We’ll be back in a few hours.” I simply reply while gathering my bags off the kitchen table.
I had been friends with Nick, Matt, and Chris for a while now and Laura wanted me and Matt to do some sort of collaboration with Madi’s clothing brand.
“Ah, well I’ll be here if you wanna do something later.” Chris said as I walked downstairs.
“Alright, yeah, I’ll let you know when we’re on the way back.” I replied.
Grabbing the door knob, I had barely opened the door before I heard Matt let out a giggle.
“What?” I asked.
“Oh nothing. It’s nothing” he responded, still laughing.
“Well obviously it’s not nothing if you’re laughing about it…?” I said, getting into the car.
“I don’t know, I think it’s just funny how you and Chris are like close now.” He replied.
“Aren’t you the one who said you wished I got along with your brothers as much as we do?” I questioned sassily.
“Well I mean yeah, I still just think it’s funny.” He laughed.
We got to the warehouse for the meeting, which went well, and started to head back home.
While entering the door, I was greeted with Chris, dapping me up.
“You ready?” He asked eagerly.
“For what? Do you have something planned or are we just gonna drive around and listen to music like usual?” I asked back.
Me and Chris loved driving around and listening to music. It was our favorite thing to do. We explored each other’s music taste while having the funniest conversations.
“Actually, I do have something planned… but you gotta drive.” He laughed.
“Well yeah, we aren’t just gonna teleport. What’s your plan?” I joked.
“I say we go watch the sunset and eat dinner at that high rise Italian place.” Chris suggested.
“Oh absolutely. I’m so down.” I exclaimed.
We both went our separate ways and got ready for dinner. For some reason I felt as if I should try a little harder on my makeup and outfit, which felt weird because usually I wouldn’t care what Chris thought.
(NICK’S POV):
“Fuck are you getting ready for?” I questioned Chris after walking into his bedroom.
“I’m going to dinner.” He replied.
“With who? Margot Robbie? Why are you so dressed up?” I joked.
“No. I’m going to dinner with y/n.” Chris responded.
“Oh my God… don’t tell me… oh my GOD! Are y’all going on a date?” I yelled.
“NICK! Shut the fuck up. Jesus. And no, we’re just friends and were bored.” He yelled back.
“Okay well… seems oddly fancy for ‘just friends’ to be going to dinner…” I questioned in a snarky tone.
“Jesus Christ, Nick. It’s not like that.” Chris replied.
(Y/N’s POV):
Except it was like that. Every time I looked at Chris, my stomach began to turn. Every conversation we had, my palms became sweaty. It was so clear to me that I liked him, but I didn’t wanna admit it.
I put on a glittery, black dress with silver heels. My makeup looked amazing. And my hair was curled and looked so pretty.
Yet I was nervous for some reason.
“Alright, you ready?” Chris asked, walking up his stairs.
He was wearing a suit and a tie that matched my dress and heels, unplanned.
“Wow you look amazing y/n!” He exclaimed.
“So do you Chris!” I responded back in the same tone.
“Bro what the hell are y’all going on a date?” Matt asked, walking into the kitchen from his room.
“No, we just wanted to look good and have fun.” Chris replied with a quickness.
Except I wished it was a date. But I could never admit that to anyone.
Chris and I drove to dinner and ate, the sun setting in the back ground.
He looked so good. His hair fell perfectly onto his eyebrows and his eyes lit up with the warm sunset in them.
When the check came, he insisted on paying for it. I tried to give him my card, but he refused.
Walking out, we entered the elevator of the restaurant to go down to the first floor.
“That was really fun, we gotta do that again.” He stated.
“Oh yeah, for sure.” I said, almost in a dry tone.
My chest was so heavy. I wanted to tell him how I felt, but I didn’t even know how I felt.
We walked to the car and got in, heading towards his house.
Music all the way up, Chris turned it down and looked out the window.
“Hey, why don’t you pull over in that parking lot over there?” He asked.
“Why?” I questioned suspiciously.
“I don’t know, I just don’t wanna go home yet.” He replied.
I pulled off the road and pulled into a parking spot in the lot he was talking about.
We turned to face each other, thinking one of us would start the conversation about God knows what.
“You’re really pretty. Inside and out. I hope you know that.” Chris said.
“Oh- thank you.” I responded, trying not to blush.
He lifted his hand and brush his fingers over mine before resting it on top of my hand.
“Chris-” I started, but was cut off.
“Y/n I really wanna kiss you.” He stated, eyes searching mine for an answer.
“Then kiss me.” I said, barely able to get my words out before he cupped my cheek with his other hand and leaned in.
The kiss was soft and sweet, but also passionate and impatient.
I could tell by the way our lips chased each other that we both wanted this, badly.
Pulling away from the kiss, which lasted about a minute, we were out of breath, but also had so much to say.
He pushed his seat back all the way, creating more room, then grabbed my waist and guided me over the center console and into his lap.
I cupped his cheeks with both hands and he held my waist tight as we both leaned in again.
What felt like hours later, but was really 3 minutes, we finally pulled all the way back, staring into each other’s eyes.
I climbed back into the driver’s seat and put the car in drive while Chris adjusted his seat again.
“That was something.” He laughed.
“Oh that was for sure something.” I giggled back.
“Do you have a little crush on me?” Chris teased while grabbing my right hand in his left.
“What? No…” I clapped back.
“Uhuh… sure… so we’re NEVER gonna do that again right? Since you don’t like me like that?” He teased again.
“Okay okay maybe I do like you… a little bit… but don’t let that boost your ego.” I said in a snarky tone.
“Oh you know you love me y/n” he joked, rubbing his thumb over yours.
“Oh please, Chris. And we have got to keep this from your brothers. At least for a little bit.” I replied.
“Fine, fine.” He laughed.
We drove back to the boys’ house, listening to Chris’ playlist on the way.
After entering, I went to Matt’s bathroom to change into my pajamas, then climbed into Matt’s bed. (We always shared a bed at sleepovers because we were best friends).
“Fun night, huh?” Matt asked, turning around in his chair at his desk.
“What?” I asked nervously.
“Calm down, y/n, lord. I was just asking if y’all had fun…?” He responded suspiciously.
“Oh, yeah, we did.” I replied.
Oh I hope we can keep this a secret for a little longer.
————————————————————————————
A/n: I am so sorry for not posting for so long. I’ve been extremely busy with school. I hope this was good though, it’s kinda all over the place. Love you guys.
#sturniolo triplets#fluff#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo#chris sturniolo imagine#chris sturniolo x you#christopher sturniolo#matt sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo#sturniolo triplets x reader#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo fluff#nick sturniolo x reader#the sturniolos#chris sturniolo fluff
325 notes
·
View notes
Text
Yuletide 2023 Recs, Batch One
the most wonderful time of the year is here again!
16 recs for 11th CE RPF/Crusader Kings 3, The Addams Family, Ancient Egyptian RPF, Aquaman, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, Barbie the Movie, The Bear, Beyond Evil, Black Books, and The Black Tapes
Matilda di Canossa Presents: Succession Planning for Dummies, Gen, Matilde di Canossa | Matilda of Tuscany
It’s always, “dear God in heaven, Matilda, how could you have eaten the pope?” and never “how was eating the pope; did the pope taste good?”
So Nice, Gen, Pubert Addams
Pubert was a different kind of Addams. OR What happens when the golden-haired angelic baby never reverted back to his little moustachioed self.
Beloved of Aten, Amenhotep IV | Akhenaten/Nefertiti of Egypt + Meritaten of Egypt/Smenkhkare of Egypt
Meriaten is beloved. By her parents. By the Aten. All is secure and as is it should be. Her father has revealed the truth of the world. The sun disk that can clearly be seen in the sky is no secret.
She is beloved.
She speaks the truth of Aten.
daughter of Xebel, Gen, Nereus & Mera
Y'Mera Xebella Challa is a daughter of Xebel before she is anything else.
Happiness is a Warm Gun, Lucy Gray Baird/Coriolanus Snow
"I'm looking out for you, too. I'll find a way," he promises.
Coriolanus teaches Lucy Gray to shoot a gun.
saint sebastian, filled with arrows, Lucy Gray Baird/Coriolanus Snow
Coriolanus stares at it. Then he stares at her. She can see his imprecision again, the flicker of something untrustworthy beneath all the gold hair and famous lineage. “What should I do with it?” he asks, pliant, one last bid for direction.
Lucy Gray kisses him again. “Come back to me,” she orders. “Do whatever you have to do to come back to me, Coriolanus Snow.”
-
(Coriolanus Snow wins the 10th annual Hunger Games with the help of his mentor, Lucy Gray Baird.)
Like My Head Against A Board, Allan/Ryan Gosling's Ken
Allan lends a helping hand.
to let the next life off the hook, Margot Robbie's Barbie/Gloria
Barbie’s not the only one who has a past life. When Gloria faces hers, everything changes - for both of them.
to recreate us, Luca/Marcus
After he left Copenhagen, Marcus never thought he'd see Luca again.
maillard reaction, Sydney Adamu/Richard "Richie" Jerimovich
There’s no more restaurant to manage, no more food to cook, and Syd doesn’t really know what to do with her body, except fuck Richie, apparently.
in every heart there is a room, Sydney Adamu/Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto
“Chef,” Carmy says softly, “it’s just for a few hours.”
“A few hours?! A single minute of catering brunch is going to make me a suicide risk, Chef!”
“I’ll be there with you. Chef.”
Sydney doesn’t look like she forgives him, exactly, but her dire expression loosens up, just a little bit.
In which Cicero calls in a favor, hollandaise is made, and Sydney makes a promise.
acquired taste, Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto/Luca
Before Copenhagen, there was Chicago.
Heaven Ain't Close in a Place Like This, Han Joo Won/Lee Dong Sik
Chained to a radiator in a warehouse, his lips cracking like tissue paper from lack of water, Han Juwon can admit that he might have fucked up.
Steal Your Breath Away, Han Joo Won/Lee Dong Sik
Han Juwon calls in a veritable litany of favors until he gets what he’s after: Lee Dongsik in handcuffs, alone in an interrogation room.
Three Sheets to the Wind, Manny Bianco/Bernard Black/Fran Katzenjammer
A customer mistakes Fran, Manny, and Bernard for a throuple.
They start to wonder if it's true.
Unheard, Unsought For, Or Unseen, Alex Reagan/Richard Strand
Richard Strand has been in love before, of course. He’s not sure he’s ever felt like this.
Three moments, throughout the course of working with Miss Alex Reagan on The Black Tapes Podcast, when Richard Strand learns that he is utterly wrong about something he thought he knew.
#yuletide#yuletide 2023#fic recs#crusader kings 3#the addams family#ancient egyptian rpf#aquaman#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#barbie the movie#the bear#beyond evil#black books#the black tapes#fic rec
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok having just published my personal picks for the oscar noms (having not been able to see anatomy of a fall or american fiction but seeing basically everythign else!) here are my thoughts about the actual noms! also I am still very sick but I am at work. Expect a lot of posts today.
ok!
Bad day for cool girls named greta, both of whose work was undervalued!
The whole nom for gosling but not margot robbie or greta gerwig is just... I mean that's the point of the movie! Did anyone actually pay attention to the movie! America did get nominated in what was a pretty traditional role.
Good: Love for Nyad! I literally watched this last night and both Jodie Foster and Annette Bening were great. I'd have liked to see, again, Greta Lee in Annette's spot but I do think Jodie Foster was a very good and reasonable choice.
Bad! almost nothing for May December! Hollywood hated that movie that had a real eye about actors, huh.
As ever, young men ("young"-- Charles Melton is 35!) never have a shot. Dominic Sessa should have been in the conversation and Melton should have been a shoo-in! I'm sorry they were so good and RDJ is gonna win just bc they are shocked Ironman could be in a real movie!
I think the most intriguing contest is Lily Gladstone vs. Emma Stone.
I am going to do my best to see Anatomy of a Fall and American Fiction. I do not have any intention to see Zone of Interest, SORRY I am chock full of Holocaust for my lifetime. I haven't even seen Schindler's List yet!
I am glad about Danielle Brooks bc I thought The Color Purple was pretty much a dud except for when she was on screen (and Taraji P Henson but she has had a pretty negative campaign so I think voters are going to be unlikely to reward that! Even if she was right!)
Leo did not get nominated and you know what, I agree with that. I think KotFM should be more of a front runner than it is (it feels like Oppenheimer vs. Holdovers) but I also thought Jesse Plemons should have been in the Leo part.
Ok those are my thoughts bye bye!
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
Margot Robbie X Fem!Reader Angsty, Cute and Fluffy Imagine Prompt
• There will be more!
!TW: Suicide attempt(s) + intentions + consideration, substance abuse (drugs/medicinal pills + alcohol), implied suffering from depression, elements of self-doubt, mention of loss (the death of a parent), mention of being previously abused (by a family member), self put-down(s), elements of anxiety + separation anxiety, swearing, mention of previous sexual occurrence + an implied sexual occurrence, implied suffering from a mild form of PTSD, presence of alcohol, experiencing a break up, presence of blood, implied self-harm - if I’ve missed any, let me know ❤️!
“Your sister warned me about this,” Margot mused, a pained expression on her face after she had returned home to find you trying to take your life again by overdosing on sleeping pills, but she had managed to come back before you could as she had forgot her bag, and was making to retrieve it when she caught you with the pills that she’d never seen you use, before.
You would frown, before bowing your head whilst tears threatened to escape your eyes; you’d never intended for her to return and find you in this state again as you had planned to take the pills first, before leaving and finding somewhere else to be your final resting place so she would no longer be burdened by you, feeling as if - ever since you’d both first met, and fallen in love with one another - you had been a burden on her ever since you’d both been friends in college together, when she had always believed otherwise; that you could never be a burden on her as she loved everything about you, though you couldn’t imagine why. You’d never thought - after you had lost your mother, and started being abused by your father some time ago, now - that someone perfect like her could ever love a supposed nobody like you, as that was what you had always been made to believe, since your sister had left town to avoid your father’s wrath, ultimately leaving you alone with him, except you didn’t mind it, anymore, feeling as if you deserved the beatings; deserved to be punished for everything wrong with the world as you believed it all to be as a result of your pathetic existence.
Upon reminding yourself of these thoughts you’d had after Margot had briefly gone out, your heart would sink, whilst you would appear crestfallen, wishing she could see that she deserved better than you, though you knew it would be painful to lose her as you felt as if you had been made to shower her with the love you held for her, and always would, and knew that you would lose everything if she ever decided she didn’t want you anymore, something she’d never found herself wanting to do as she loved you too much to let go of you, and knew she’d probably never be able to love anyone else the way that she loved you, and always would.
“About what?” You asked, as if you had no clue, and she would tilt her head partially, wishing you’d just be honest with her, and stop trying to hide your feelings from her; she hated thinking that you were silently suffering whilst putting on as brave a face you could for her, especially when she had no clue as to what the reason for your behaviour was, fearing that you no longer loved her, and simply didn’t want to be with her anymore, when you could never feel that way, believing that she was your soulmate, and always would be; she was the only person who could provide you with a reason to live, now, but it was hard to cling to it when you could see that you were upsetting her by being the way that you were - something you’d never intended to do, and hated yourself for, especially when you’d only ever wanted to make her happy to the best of your ability, and seemed to be failing like you believed to have failed everything else in life, as well, leaving you feeling worthless, and as if she would be better off without you though she couldn’t seem to imagine her life without you in it, and it scared her to think about the possibility that one day she could return home to find that you were no longer there. This reminder would prompt her to feel empty, and numb whilst she glanced back over at you, a hurt look on her face, and tears threatening to escape her stunning icy blue eyes again; she’d found herself trying not to cry when she first noticed the bottle of pills in your right hand, knowing immediately what you were going to try and use them to do as she’d never seen you using them before, and had got a bad feeling to suggest that her assumption was right.
“You,” she answered, before gesticulating to the bottle of pills that she’d previously confiscated from you, and you would wince, before lowering your gaze again whilst you fidgeted with your hands, and internally cursed yourself for being so stupid, and not leaving before she could return, and find you doing what you had been about to try and do, assuming that by doing so you would have spared the hurt of her seeing you trying to take your life again, though she would be worried all the same if she came back to just find you gone, without you telling her where you intended to go like you both often did during the day, before going out somewhere like to the shops, or to a set. “D-Doing-.. shit like this,” she clarified, her voice briefly trembling whilst you did, and you would nod gravely, not surprised, whilst you found yourself feeling guilty again upon hearing that she was trying not to cry alongside you; you hated seeing her upset, and it pained you more than anything ever had, before, “why would you even wanna do that again? I thought you were happy, o-or have you just been lying to me? Do you not want to be with me anymore, is that why?”
“Of course I still wanna be with you,” you answered dejectedly; you couldn’t believe she’d ever think something like that; think that you didn’t want to be with her anymore, “I - I love you, Margot - I always have, you - you know that, right?”
“Yeah, but-.. why? Why do you keep trying to - to do stuff like this?” She questioned, and you would tense up a little whilst you thought back to your reasoning, afraid of how she might react, and of upsetting her again if you told her. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” She pried, and you would nod hastily, knowing that if you hesitated she would be further upset, and worried, and you couldn’t allow that to happen; couldn’t upset her any further than you could see than you already had.
“I’m-.. I’m not-.. ready,” you claimed feebly, your voice close to a whisper, and she would frown, before nodding gravely; she understood that it was hard, but hated to think that maybe she had done something somehow to make you want to try and take your life again, when that was far from the case; it was only down to your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs alone. “C-Can we talk about it another time, maybe?” You suggested, and she would hesitate, before nodding, and sitting down beside you so she could hook her left arm around your waist in the best way possible, allowing her to ease you closer to her whilst you subconsciously rested your head on her left shoulder, and would wrap your arms around her whilst you snuggled closer to her, feeling safer and more content than you had ever been before whenever she was with you, and cradling you close to her like she was, now.
“Of course we can, just-.. promise me that you’ll tell me when you feel like you can, okay?” She requested, and you would nod, yet again trying not to hesitate for fear of worrying her or upsetting her any further.
“I’ll tell you when I feel like I can, I promise,” you stated, and she would express relief, glad, whilst you would smile softly up at her, prompting her heart to skip a beat whilst she reflected your smile, resulting in you forgetting how to breathe whilst you admired her, and would play with her hair using your right hand, and she would subconsciously lean into your touch. “Can I-.. k-kiss you, or-?” You inquired, not wanting to do it without her permission, and she would grin over at you, evidently amused by your request whilst you would appear flustered, blood rushing to your cheeks whilst you silently begged her to let you as you were desperate to feel your lips against her’s again, finding that kissing her always made you feel warm and fuzzy, and that was a feeling you never wanted to lose, like how you hoped you’d never lose her as she made you happier than you’d ever been, before, whenever you weren’t finding yourself thinking about why someone perfect like her was wasting her time on a supposed nobody like you.
“Of course you can,” she answered, prompting your smile to grow a little more whilst you appeared relieved that she wasn’t teasing you about your previously quite shy demeanour, “you don’t have to ask me, silly.”
“R-Right, sorry,” you replied barely audibly, and she couldn’t help, but giggle, before she shook her head, and you would appear further flustered.
“You’re adorable,” she remarked, and you would make to protest, but she would lean closer to you to delicately connect her lips to your’s before you could, prompting you to instantly falter whilst you melted into the kiss, and she would ease you even closer to her to ensure that there were no gaps left between you both whilst the kiss began to deepen, surprising you, but you would welcome it once you’d managed to relax into it, feeling empty and sad once the kiss had sadly come to an end once you both found yourselves having to stop so you could breathe, giggling breathlessly together whilst she affectionately connected her forehead to your’s. “I - I love you, you know that, right?” She inquired hopefully, and you would nod whilst you smiled lovingly over at her, wondering what you’d done to deserve someone as good as her whilst she beamed back at you, glad to hear that you still knew, and hadn’t yet forgot again like you sometimes appeared to, worrying her whenever you did quite quickly as - whenever you did seem to forget, you found yourself in more of a depressed state, and she couldn’t bear to see it happen; she hated seeing you in so much pain, and hated to hear you doubting yourself, and her love for you.
“I love you, too,” you returned, your voice close to a whisper, before you shyly lifted your right hand up to her left cheek, prompting her to smile over at you again warmly whilst blood rushed up to her, as well as your cheeks, and she would lean into your touch subconsciously whilst she found herself briefly getting lost within your eyes in the best way possible, “and I always will, I promise, n-no matter what happens, a-and I’ll never stop, even when you decide you don’t want me anymore-”
“Hey,” she cooed faintly, a hurt look on her face again, “I’m never going to stop wanting you, I promise, so don’t ever worry about that happening, because it never will, okay?” You would hesitate, before nodding slowly, and she would try not to worry about you again, leaning forward to kiss you delicately to get you to smile again, whilst she also surprised you by using her right hand to tickle your left side, startling you whilst you squirmed within her embrace, and giggled uncontrollably; your sides were your weakest point - she knew you too well, now. “Oh, sorry - are you ticklish there?” She teased, whilst you tried to escape her hold by attempting to tickle her, but she would manage to evade your efforts, managing - even - to playfully pin you down on your back upon the sofa whilst she grinned down at you victoriously, glad that she had evidently won against you, whilst you would appear flustered, noticing the position that you both were in. She would then smirk upon noticing the look on your face, before tilting her head partially whilst she straddled you, keeping you trapped beneath her blissfully, as if she thought you would try and escape her, when really you’d rather stay like this beneath her, revelling in the moment. “Would you-.. maybe be up to having some fun, with me, or are you tired?” She asked, not wanting you to feel as if you had to, and you would appear further flustered whilst you tried to hide your face from her, for a moment, feeling that you had begun to blush profusely.
“I - I don’t mind, but - aren’t those people still expecting you for that interview thing you were gonna do?” You inquired, not wanting her to stay for you, and waste her time on you anymore instead of her career, feeling as if you weren’t exactly worth it, like she believed you to be, unbeknownst to you.
“I could easily call it off?” She suggested, and you would hesitate, before shaking your head gravely, and she would try and hide that your response had disappointed, as well as worried her again as she couldn’t help, but think: what if you were only lying to her about still feeling the same way for her, or were afraid of disappointing her due to how you always appeared to be hesitant, and tended to pull out of fooling around with her ever since you’d both started going out together though you’d both fooled around before whilst you were both drunk during a college trip, and little did she know that you had also been worried about disappointing her whenever occasions like these took place, leaving you worried that maybe she’d not want to be with you anymore if you did end up disappointing her, somehow, so you tended to try and avoid it to the best of your ability though it made you feel guilty to see that she appeared a little sad that you’d turned down the opportunity to fool around with her again.
“I don’t want you to think that you have to do that for me,” you admitted timidly, whilst Margot would frown, before shaking her head, and relocating her right hand down to your left cheek, prompting your heart to skip a beat whilst you subconsciously admired her, forgetting how to breathe for a moment, “n-not that I don’t want to fool around with you, you know I do; I - I’d love to, but-.. your work is more important than I could ever be-”
“It’s not,” she contradicted, “Y/n-”
“A-Anyway, we-.. we could always fool around later,” you reminded her, and she would lift an eyebrow whilst she considered it, and would then smirk, before nodding, and leaning down to delicately, and yet passionately kiss you blissfully, and you would instantly melt into the kiss whilst blood rushed to your cheeks, and you would grow to be further flustered whilst you stammered a little once the kiss had sadly ended, “I’m guessing that means you would want to?”
“More than anything,” she answered, “why wouldn’t I? Would - you - be up for it? I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable if you’re not-”
“Of course I’m up for it,” you reassured her hastily, surprising her, but she would express relief whilst she smiled warmly down at you, and would affectionately connect her forehead to your’s again after playfully booping the tip of your nose with her’s, prompting you to grin up at her whilst your eyes glinted following them locking with her stunning icy blue ones in the best way possible, “e-especially when I’ll be able to actually remember it happening, this time - remind me not to get drunk, baby, please.”
“Don’t worry - I won’t let you forget a second of it, this time,” she cooed, before begrudgingly checking the clock, and rolling her eyes; she’d have to leave in a few minutes, or so, if she wanted to get to the place on time for her interview, “I should go, but I suppose the faster I leave, the faster I’ll be able to get back home to you - just promise me something.”
“Anything,” you replied, noticing that she appeared a little anxious to be leaving after she’d discovered you about to try and take your life, prompting you to feel guilty again whilst your heart ached excruciatingly alongside her’s; you hated hurting her like you evidently had been doing recently by being the way that you were, and always had been, ever since you’d both first met in college together, and fallen in love with one another.
“Promise me that you’ll still be here here when I get back, and I swear to god if you hesitate I’m staying-”
You would smile softly up at her, before you leaned forward to briefly, and delicately connect your lips to her’s, silencing her whilst she instantly melted into the kiss, and couldn’t help, but smile against your lips whilst her heart raced alongside your’s in the best way possible. Once the kiss had sadly ended, you would both stare longingly at one another, wishing you could stay like this forever whilst you stroked her hair with your right hand, soothing her more than she ever thought she could be whilst her stunning icy blue eyes seemed to get lost in your’s.
“I’ll still be here when you get back, I promise,” you stated, and she would express relief, glad, “and if you want you can call me at any time and I swear I’ll answer, and probably say something like ‘I love you’.” Margot would appear taken aback; a little more flustered than she had been, before, whilst blood rushed to her cheeks again. You would then smirk up at her, noticing that you’d had the desired effect on her that you had been trying to have, only flustering her further whilst she tried to hide her face from you for a moment, giggling a little in response to your reaction. “I shouldn’t have told you that, actually - now you might not call to try and avoid getting all flustered, like you are, now-”
“Oh don’t worry, I’ll still call,” she reassured, and you would lift an eyebrow, “I promise - just because I love you, and I’m gonna miss the sound of your voice whilst I’m gone.”
You would appear surprised - you evidently hadn’t been expecting her to miss it like you knew you’d miss the sound of her’s.
“I - I’m gonna miss the sound of your’s, too,” you returned, evidently flustered yourself, now, alongside her, and she would smile lovingly down at you, whilst wondering what she’d done to deserve someone as good as you, and you couldn’t help, but wonder the exact same thing - how could someone as perfect as her love a supposed nobody like you believed yourself to be?
“Then I’m definitely gonna call,” she replied playfully, before leaning down to once more passionately as well as delicately kiss you, and then begrudgingly getting up off of the sofa, sadly freeing you though you found yourself now wishing you’d got her to stay with you, instead, until you remembered that it would be wrong if you did, and that you weren’t worth as much as her career is, prompting your heart to sink a little, but you would try and hide this from her whilst you smiled over at her, and got up alongside her whilst she re-retrieved her bag which was rested upon the coffee table after she’d returned to find you about to try and take your life, and would smile sadly back at you, wishing she could stay with you. “I’m gonna try and make it quick, okay?” She cooed, whilst she wrapped her arms around your waist, and would affectionately connect her forehead to your’s whilst you returned the embrace, and would nod. “See you in a bit,” she concluded after briefly connecting her lips to your’s, and then begrudgingly dragged herself out to the front door of her house.
“See you,” you returned whilst you lingered in the hallway, and she would share one more faint smile over at you, before pushing herself to leave, prompting you to begin feeling empty again whilst you began to feel lost, and as if you didn’t know what to do with yourself once she’d gone, surprising you whilst you found yourself trying not to cry for a moment, until you recalled that she would be returning to you soon, partly soothing you enough to pull yourself together a bit more whilst you constantly reminded yourself of this fact, and would try and distract yourself by cleaning things up for her until she returned home, though she’d always insisted upon doing it herself, instead, not wanting you to have to feel as if you had to do it, especially not whilst you were in the state you currently were in.
🜚
Once she had finally returned, you found yourself elated, rushing into the hallway once you’d heard the front door being unlocked, and she would beam over at you as soon as her gaze fell upon you, before closing the front door, and rushing up to you and throwing her arms around you, and you would instantly return the embrace - though she’d called you like she said she would, you still found yourselves missing one another more than you thought you would after speaking on the phone, and checking up on each other, therefore glad to be back with one another again physically as you hated having gaps between you both, and not making contact of any kind with each other.
“I missed you-” You both managed to blurt out together, before appearing flustered, and giggling breathlessly whilst she rested her head on your right shoulder, allowing her to - when you least expected it - press a kiss to your cheek, flustering you even more whilst blood rushed to your cheeks, and she would smirk over at you when she noticed that you had so easily begun to blush quite profusely. You would then try and hide your face from her though she had already seen that you were blushing, prompting her to delicately turn your head with her right hand on your left cheek so she could blissfully lock eyes with you for a moment, before she leaned forward to connect her lips to your’s in the best way possible, and you would instantly melt into the kiss whilst you revelled in the warm and fuzzy feeling it was providing you, as well as the feeling of butterflies fluttering around in your stomach whilst the kiss lasted, leaving you feeling empty as soon as it had sadly ended.
“H-How was it? Did you have fun?” You inquired whilst you held her at arm’s length, and she would smirk over at you whilst her stunning icy blue eyes began to glint, prompting your heart to skip a beat whilst it raced alongside her’s in perfect sync like it always did whenever you both were together.
“It wasn’t bad,” she answered, before inching closer to you, flustering you and overwhelming you even further whilst your heart pounded against your ribcage, or felt as if it were; you guessed she had recalled your previous suggestion of fooling around later in the day, technically after she had done her interview, and you would find yourself forgetting how to breathe whilst she affectionately connected her forehead to your’s in the best way possible, allowing you to get lost within her eyes, “but - I was happier being with you; it was so boring without you, honestly - everything is.”
“Really?” You asked, evidently surprised, and she would nod whilst she played with your hair using her right hand again.
“Yeah,” she replied, and you couldn’t help, but smile even wider over at her whilst you leaned into her touch subconsciously, feeling much more relaxed already than you had, before, whilst your heart had been pounding, instead blissfully now racing alongside her’s again like it had been previously before she’d suggestively inched closer to you, “Y/n, you - you always seem to make things-.. brighter, w-whenever we’re together, and I can’t help, but smile whenever I’m with you; you’ve honestly made me so much happier than I’ve ever been, before; I love you so much.”
You would then begin to stammer, evidently flustered again; you couldn’t believe a supposed nobody like you could make someone perfect like her feel that way, and wondered - again - what you had done to deserve her; what you had done to be treated the way she treated you, making you feel as if you were special, and not the freak that you had been made to believe you were by your father, after your mother had passed away, and before you had moved out of his house and into your own apartment.
“I - I love you, too,” you returned feebly, your voice close to a whisper, and quite shaky as you were now finding yourself trying not to cry in front of her, prompting her heart to sink a little; she feared that maybe the tears weren’t happy, and wondered what was upsetting you, “a-and you - you’ve made me happier than I’ve ever been before, too; y-you’re the only person who could ever provide me with a reason to live-”
“Hey,” she cooed gently, a pained expression on her face whilst she did, and you would fall quiet whilst you sniffled, and bowed your head as your face had now contorted; you couldn’t help, but break down, and she would falter upon hearing that you had begun to cry, prompting her to hold you close to her again so you could bury your face into the crook of her neck whilst you cried into it, strained sobs escaping your lips whilst you clung to her shoulders, silently cursing yourself for being so pathetic and weak in front of her, “y-you - you have so many reasons to live - I’m not the only one.” You would shake your head gravely, doubting that, but you would try not to protest, not wanting to upset her or worry her any further about you whilst she blissfully ran her fingers through your hair, soothing you instantly again whilst you revelled in the feeling, and leaned into her touch subconsciously. “Please tell me these are happy tears, at least,” she requested, and you would nod hastily whilst you smiled lovingly up at her.
“I could only ever cry happy tears around you,” you reassured her, and she would express relief, glad as she hated seeing you upset, though it did pain her to remind herself of how your statement wasn’t completely true; she’d often found you crying not-so-happy tears before, and still had no clue why; you’d never told her about your doubts regarding your worth, or your doubts surrounding how you believed you weren’t good enough for her, and could never make her happy the way you believed you had been made to as a result of trying to shower her with all the love you held, and would always hold for her. “I’ve just-.. never felt so-.. loved.. by anyone before,” you mused, and she would frown, before holding your left hand in her right one, prompting you to forget how to breathe again whilst your eyes locked with her’s, and she found she couldn’t resist it any longer as she leaned forward to kiss you delicately, and you would instantly melt into it, even when the kiss gradually began to deepen, and she would lower her bag to carefully ease you against the wall for stability as she wanted to make sure that you wouldn’t fall over, and hurt yourself, not caring much if she lost stability, herself, unless her instability threatened you, too. You would have allowed it to continue, if it weren’t for your fears of disappointing her, and losing her again, prompted to circle around your mind again once she took off her coat hastily, and would make to take off her top, but you would hastily blurt out: ‘stop’ before she could, prompting her to falter, and her smile to fade whilst she glanced over at you, the light of her eyes dimming a little. “W-We can’t-”
“Can’t?” She interjected, a hurt look on her face whilst she did, and you would bow your head, feeling bad whilst you stared down at the ground - it wasn’t like you didn’t want to; you longed to, even, but just felt as if you’d never be able to please her like that, and feared that if you didn’t she’d decide she no longer wanted you by her side anymore, and couldn’t imagine your life without her in it.
“Margot, I-”
“I can’t keep playing pretend, Y/n,” she stated dejectedly, and you would frown, before timidly glancing up at her; you evidently feared what she may be about to tell you; appeared terrified that maybe she were about to break up with you for rejecting her advances again, but she could never do that to you; she loved you too much to, and - like you - couldn’t imagine what her life would be like without you in it; hated the possibility that one day she might lose you for a reason unbeknownst to her, “it’s - it’s like you-.. you just don’t want to fool around with me, ever, but why? We did before-”
“You don’t understand-”
“I think I do,” she contradicted, and you would gravely shake your head whilst you found yourself trying not to cry again whilst your heart ached excruciatingly alongside her’s, “have you been lying this whole time about not remembering what it was like? Because I can’t think of any other reason why you might not want to do this with me-”
“I do want to, I just-.. just can’t, okay?” You continued, and she would nod gravely, before bowing her head again, and then glancing toward the front door as if she wanted to escape from this moment; longed to escape the pain that it was causing both her, and you, whilst you would begin to panic, desperate for her to stay. “D-Don’t go again, babe, please-”
“If you want me to stay, then give me one reason why I shouldn’t leave,” she requested, and you would draw in a shaky breath, before you timidly stepped closer to her, flustering her whilst she longingly looked over at you, and her gaze even tended to drift down to your lips, like your’s did, too, drifting down to her’s, whilst blood rushed to your cheeks.
“I-If you left, I - I wouldn’t be able to show you how much I love you to try and get you to stay with me, u-until-.. until you don’t want me anymore-”
“I’ll always want you,” she stated, before giving in, and wrapping her arms around you whilst she kissed you again, and you would instantly melt into the kiss, trying not to panic about your previous fears, knowing that if you did, you probably would end up disappointing her, before she connected her forehead to your’s again, and would smile warmly over at you, soothing you instantly whilst your heart raced alongside her’s again in the best way possible, “n-nothing could ever change that, I promise; I love you, a-and I always will, no matter what - so-.. would you be up for it? I obviously won’t force you, I just-.. y’know..”
“I’d - I’d love to,” you reassured her, and she would appear elated, before delicately connecting her lips to your’s again, and carefully picking you up off of the ground as you were a little shorter than her, making it easier for her to carry you up the stairs whilst you both occasionally giggled breathlessly together, and shared briefer kisses, before disappearing into your and her bedroom together to fool around with one another sober, this time.
🜸🜚🜸
Despite the fact that things had managed to improve between you both following that previous moment, and you were surprised to find that you hadn’t ended up disappointing her the way that you had worried you might, you would find yourself disheartened again by how you often tended to fail to find work; you often failed your auditions, and didn’t do the best job at your interviews, only making things harder for you, making you anxious about what people might think of you, including Margot as it felt as if you were also failing her, too - something you couldn’t bear, though she never seemed to express anything like this whenever you both were together, seeming - instead - proud of you for trying the way you were despite everything that had previously happened to you with your father abusing you, mentally burdening you though you had now escaped him, and hopefully would never end up seeing him anymore, and even if you did, Margot vowed to never let him hurt you again, certain that she could protect you from him though you feared that maybe he would manage to hurt her, too, and you knew you’d never be able to forgive yourself if she did, so you therefore hoped she’d never have to encounter him, and feel as if she had to try and protect you from him if he ever ended up trying to hurt you, again.
Ever since you had failed your first audition that she had suggested you do, you found yourself already beginning to feel like a failure, as well as a burden on her as you didn’t like that she had felt as if she had to try and help you to find a part you could play - something you’d often hoped you would be able to do alongside her as it was something you both regularly talked about ever since you’d both become friends, and fallen in love with one another in college together - you had found yourself beginning to drink a little more alcohol than you used to as you found you couldn’t stand returning home to her with the news that you had failed yet another audition, or interview, sick of being the way that you were, and believing - again - that she deserved someone better than you, and though you promised her you would stop drinking a little while ago, now, you found you couldn’t though you hated yourself for breaking one of your promises again, like how you’d recently broken your promise you’d made her to stop trying to take your life, and of course she soon found out, catching you drinking during the night in the garden whilst she was in bed following her waking up upon feeling that you were no longer beside her, and discovering that you were no longer with her, panicking her whilst she looked around to try and find you, only to discover you outside with a half-empty bottle of beer in your right hand whilst you were crying quietly into your free left one, contemplating over your recent failures, and the recent ones you couldn’t help, but try and lie to her about by claiming that you had thought the most recent audition had gone better than you actually thought it had.
“Y/n-?” She cooed once her gaze had fallen upon you, and you would appear startled, allowing the bottle to slip from your hands, but it was too close to the ground already to shatter, instead toppling over, and you would curse shakily in a voice close to a whisper, before reaching down hastily to stand the bottle back up before the remains within it could all spill out. Margot would then frown upon noticing the bottle, a hurt look on her face whilst she recalled how you had promised her you would stop drinking recently, and had basically broken your promise. She also couldn’t help, but wonder if this was the first time you had begun drinking again, or if there had been other times behind her back after you had made your aforementioned promise to her, and the bad feeling she was currently experiencing was telling her that her suspicions were right; you had been drinking before this moment even after you had promised her you would stop. “Are you kidding me? Hasn’t this addiction done enough damage, already?” She questioned, her voice briefly trembling whilst she did; she was trying not to cry as she couldn’t believe that you were doing this again, and feared what it might end up doing to you, if you kept on going the way that you were, and had been recently; she couldn’t imagine her life without you in it, and worried that maybe if you kept drinking, she would lose you, somehow, whilst you were hoping that she would be happy, if alcohol did end up taking your life, believing that if she were free of you, she’d be able to find someone better for her, no matter how much you knew it would hurt you to be away from her both whilst you were still alive if she ended up leaving you before, and whilst you were stuck within the afterlife, wherever it would end up taking you to.
“I - I’m so sorry, Margot, I-” You began feebly whilst tears continued to stream down your cheeks, and you would get up off of the seat you had been previously perched unstably upon, having to lean heavily on it as you found you felt faint all of a sudden, as well as a little nauseous; the bottle you’d had in your hand obviously hadn’t been the first one.
“You promised,” she reminded you dejectedly, and you would falter, before bowing your head whilst you nodded gravely, and would try and think of something to say to try and explain yourself, desperate to try and fix the situation, somehow, but before you could, she would muster out in a strained way the two words: ‘that’s it’, before she disappeared back inside, and you would panic, making to rush after her, but you would stagger whilst you tried, before having to use the wall to support you whilst you dragged yourself inside, feeling weaker, and more disorientated than you ever had, before; you couldn’t believe it - that you were losing her already, and despite your previous thoughts, you would try and follow her up the stairs as she made to pack your things for you, not sure of how else to react in a way that could help you, terrified of losing her as you couldn’t imagine what your life would be like without her in it.
“Wait, please!” You begged, but she wouldn’t stop though what she was doing felt wrong to her, and subconsciously longed to stop, and turn around to throw her arms around you whilst you both cried in one another’s arms, and tried to provide comfort to each other, but she would try and tell herself that she was upset with you for breaking yet another promise that you had made her, before, and that she couldn’t trust you to change, though the thought hurt her, and made her curse herself internally for believing something like that about you; she’d always believed in you, and despite what you had been doing recently, she still did - she loved you too much to just stop. “I - I can explain, I swear-”
“Don’t bother,” she interjected, before hesitantly turning to face you, and you would lean against the wall to your left side whilst you silently pleaded with her to stay with you, knowing that by losing her you would be losing everything, including your will to live again - without her by your side, you knew there would be no point to anything, and that everything around you would all just be grey and bleak like it was, before you’d first met her, and fallen in love with her - the first time the sun had ever decided to present itself to you ever since your mother had passed after she’d given birth to you, and your father had abused you before you’d managed to finally move out and get your own apartment after you’d turned eighteen, and graduated from college. “Y-You know I would have done anything for you, right?” She admitted, and you would begin to feel even worse whilst a strained sob fought to escape your lips, but you would try and hold it back, not wanting to upset her any further by breaking down in front of her, knowing that whenever you did she seemed to worry even more about you, and often found herself trying not to cry alongside you as she hated to see you struggling the way that you evidently were, and had been, before. “Would you have done the same? Because sometimes it feels like you don’t even care anymore; you’ve already broken another promise, even though you told me you’d stop after the first one-”
“I tried,” you stated, and she would appear doubtful, prompting your heart to somehow ache even more alongside her own; she couldn’t stand doing this to you, and hoped that it would encourage you to stop drinking, as well as to stop trying to take your life, and instead get you to actually talk to her rather than resorting to hurting yourself even more, “I swear-”
“I don’t believe you,” she claimed simply in a strained manner as if the words were paining her; as if she didn’t mean them, and knew that you weren’t lying to her, “I can’t, I’m sorry.”
“W-What so-.. that’s-.. that’s it, then, for us?” You guessed, trying to hide, and failing miserably, your crestfallen demeanour - you couldn’t help, but despise yourself for hurting her like you evidently had managed to again, prompting the thought that she would be better off without you to circle your mind again repeatedly, and excruciatingly, to the point you found it was even harder to try not to break down in front of her whilst you bowed your head again, and bit down on your bottom lip harshly to try and stop it from trembling.
Margot then couldn’t help, but hesitate, before forcing herself to nod gravely though what she was doing felt more wrong than anything ever had, before, prompting her to find herself on the verge of breaking down alongside you again; she couldn’t take what she was doing anymore, and knew that - though she was trying to help you, and told herself that she would try and fix things between you and her once you’d managed to decide you would try and turn things around - the next few days, if it ended up taking that long, would be the most painful she’d ever experienced before.
“It is, if you feel like you can’t try and stop drinking - do you know how much it hurts me seeing you like this, Y/n? I - I don’t even care as much about you breaking the promise you made me, but - I do care about what you’re doing to yourself; to us,” she expressed, and you would find you couldn’t speak for a moment; it was too painful to even try anymore, and you just wished you could collapse and die, though you doubted the afterlife would be any better, especially without her being by your side; you’d always dreamt of spending eternity with her, and knew now that you most likely never would be able to - it was too painful to stop drinking, especially whenever you were reminded of who you were; a supposed nobody, compared to her - someone who has, and undoubtedly always would be perfect like she had been since you’d first met her, and fallen in love with her during your and her college days. “So-? Can you stop? Because I can’t go on like this anymore; can’t go on seeing you doing this to yourself anymore; you haven’t even told me why you’re doing it,” she recalled, and you would shake your head gravely; you didn’t want to tell her because you knew that she’d be upset by how you thought she would perceive you to be a burden, or a failure as a result of your lack of success with the auditions and interviews you had been doing recently, when she could never see you as anything like that; she loved you too much to, and had vowed ever since she’d first met you, and become friends with you to support you and shower you with the love she held, and would always hold for you to the best of her ability, though you couldn’t imagine why she was even still bothering, and had been bothering to allow you to supposedly burden her like you believed you had always done for this long.
“And I never will,” you managed, a pained expression on your face whilst your voice shook again, and she would frown whilst she wondered why you felt as if you couldn’t tell her, not knowing - again - that it was because you were afraid of disappointing her by telling her that you were positive that you’d messed up your most recent audition and interview again, “I can’t.”
She would then nod gravely, before forcing herself to look away from you though it pained her even more to do so, and you would begin to feel numb, and empty, guessing that what was about to happen would result in what you had always feared - you were about to lose her, and it was all your fault, like everything else bad in the world was also your fault - something your father had made you believe since you’d been able to walk.
“Well I’m sorry you feel that way,” she replied, whilst you would silently beg her to meet your gaze again, but she found she couldn’t, knowing she would break down alongside you if she allowed herself to give in so easily, “I have to go out in the morning, so - you can pack your bags then, and - and leave so I don’t have to come back and fight with you anymore; d-don’t have to see you like this anymore-”
“No, p-please - don’t do this-”
“Night,” she interrupted feebly, and you would falter again whilst she meandered around you, and made to go back downstairs, intending to sleep - instead - on the sofa, panicking you as you thought she was going out.
“Please don’t go,” you begged, evidently terrified of being alone right now after this moment, finding you couldn’t trust yourself not to try and take your life again in this state, “I’m scared; I - I need you here with me, I-”
She would hesitantly stop for a moment, glancing back at you; she didn’t want you to think that you would be alone, knowing that it often scared you to be alone whilst you were in a state like this, and your current demeanour even prompted her to recall the moments in which she cradled you close to her whilst you cried after you had been beaten by your father, and had snuck out to rush to her house, finding you could only feel safe, and more content than you had ever been whilst you were with her, and recalled how - on a trip one time whilst you were both going to college together - she would sneak over to your bed after you’d woken up from a nightmare, and appeared terrified, prompting her to worry about you, and to try and provide comfort to you whilst she held you close to her, and would try and make you laugh and soothe you by playing with your hair until you found yourself falling back into sleep alongside her, every time finding yourself experiencing a peaceful and uninterrupted sleep whenever she was beside you, and holding you the way she had that night.
“I’m just gonna be downstairs,” she stated, and you would realise, before shaking your head again, “I want you to have the bed for tonight-”
“No,” you whined, not wanting her to feel as if she had to sleep on the sofa, instead, when what had previously happened was your fault, and your fault only, “I - I should be sleeping on the sofa, Margot, not you - this is all my fault-”
“I want you to have it, regardless,” she insisted, making you feel even worse for what had happened; you couldn’t believe it, and wished she would - instead - banish you down to the sofa, or kick you out now, feeling as if you deserved this from her, instead of her allowing you to sleep on the bed, and to leave in the morning, “the sofa’s comfortable enough for me, anyway, and it’s still close if you need me i-if you end up having a nightmare, or anything, and are scared.”
“But-”
“No buts,” she continued, before forcing a faint smile over at you, only prompting your heart to sink even more somehow whilst another tear managed to escape, and run down your right cheek slowly, and as soon as she noticed it her smile would falter whilst she hastily looked away again for a brief moment, until she felt able to recover herself, and look back up at you; she didn’t want to further upset you by allowing you to see that she, too, was struggling not to break down alongside you, “just - try and get some sleep for me, okay? You’ll feel better in the morning, if you do.”
“W-Wait,” you continued, evidently desperate to try and get her to change her mind; you were more terrified than you had ever been, before, as you’d never imagined what it would be like to truly lose her, though you often considered how it would be better for her if you just disappeared, and allowed her to find someone who was actually good enough for her, and could make her happier than you had ever somehow managed to before, “please, I love you, I-”
“Just-.. Go to sleep, Y/n, please,” she begged, though she felt guilty again for doing so, especially when she noticed the hurt and dejected expression on your face; she’d never intended to snap at you like that, and couldn’t believe that she just had, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean - didn’t mean to snap at you like that, I just-”
“No, it’s - it’s okay,” you tried to reassure her, knowing you deserved it, and that she had every right to be upset with you, you just couldn’t believe how painful it was to be feeling everything within you collapsing the way it currently was, “I should-..” You would gesticulate to the bedroom door a few paces away from you, finding your voice failing you again, whilst she would begrudgingly nod in response whilst staring down at the ground, and trying to fight back her currently invading tears. “N-Night,” you returned, before dragging yourself into the bedroom, and she couldn’t help - once she’d heard the door close - but allow her face to contort whilst she began to cry quietly, trying her best not to allow a strained sob to escape her lips whilst she continued down the stairs, and would sink down onto the sofa in the living room whilst you - unbeknownst to her - curled up upon the bed, hugging one of her jumpers close to you whilst you cried into it, and silently begged her to come back, longing to feel her arms around you again until you somehow managed to fall asleep with only thoughts of her and the future you had always envisioned being with her painfully and tauntingly circling your mind as if it were now out of the picture.
🜸🜚🜸
After you’d left that morning, of course you had tried to take your life more often; it wasn’t worth living without her beside you, and of course you resorted to trying to drink more whenever you failed as a result of your sister catching you in the act, and you even failed to drink as whenever your sister caught you, she would confiscate all the alcohol you realised you had left within your apartment though you hadn’t been there for a little while, now, often previously staying with Margot within her own house. The reminder would often prompt your heart to sink whilst you curled up on the sofa, crying quietly whilst you buried your face into your right arm - things could never be the same again without her, and the pain was excruciating, just like you had suspected it would be, but you couldn’t help, but hope that Margot was happy, now, with you gone, when she found she could only be the opposite of that - ever since you had left, she found herself struggling a lot more than she had, before, sometimes making mistakes in her interviews whenever she got distracted, and found herself thinking, as well as worrying, about you; she often got a bad feeling whenever you were about to try and take your life, and often made sure to call your sister to make sure that you were okay as soon as she could once the interviews or auditions were over as she often struggled to engage in them, too, since that previous painful occurrence that took place between you both.
She also found that - whenever she called up your sister to check on you - she felt guiltier than she ever had before, and wished she could try and make up for what had happened, especially whenever your sister told her about all that you had been trying to do to yourself recently, and about how you were struggling to sleep, making her feel even worse; she even wished, now, that she’d never handled the situation the way she had, whilst you believed it had been right of her to react like that, knowing you deserved it, and were nothing short of the reason to blame for what had happened, hoping - now - that she would soon, if she hadn’t already (which she most definitely hadn’t - unbeknownst to you) found someone better for her that could actually make her happy, as you doubted you ever could, though you longed to spoil her to the best of your ability, and to shower her with all the love and affection you knew you would always hold for her, whether that was soon to be during the afterlife, or for whilst you were still painfully living if you never ended up succeeding in terms of trying to take your life.
An excruciating week or so after the aforementioned occurrence, Margot would be surprised, as well as worried to find your sister calling her, prompting her to begin to dread what might have happened whilst she stared tearfully down at her phone for a moment, considering the possibilities whilst she silently cursed herself for not visiting before, and making sure that you were okay: you could be dead right now, after having possibly succeeded to take your life away from your sister so she couldn’t stop you, this time, or you could have overdosed on alcohol, or been in the process of hurting yourself when you were found, before your sister had called her - all probabilities were painful, and it terrified her to think that maybe she had already lost you, prompting her to hastily accept the call, and lift her phone up to her right ear whilst she turned down the volume of her television as she’d been recently watching it more often to try and distract herself; she couldn’t bear the silence, but even the television was only paining her as you’d both often cuddled up on the sofa together before to watch it.
“Hey, Luce,” she began feebly, her voice briefly trembling whilst she did, and tried to fight back her tears even more though she was struggling not to break down right now, painfully awaiting what Lucy - your sister - was about to reveal to her, “is - is Y/n okay? Are you okay?”
“It’s not Lucy,” you answered, and she would falter, her tears being shocked out of her eyes whilst a shaky sigh of relief escaped from her lips - she hadn’t lost you like she had previously feared she had - not yet, anyway. Her blood would then run cold again, and she knew she’d have to try and fix things, and soon, if she wanted to ensure that you could both remain to be a part of one another’s future, like you had both always longed to be ever since you’d first met, and fallen in love with each other whilst you were both going to college together. “I - I’m sorry, I just-.. I picked up her phone because I was bored, a-and I missed you, and when I noticed your number I panicked and just-.. I miss you so much,” you expressed, your voice briefly trembling whilst you did, and she would smile softly whilst she began to wonder if you, or Lucy would allow her to come over to your apartment; she was desperate to see you again, like you, too, were desperate to see her again, though you doubted she’d ever want to, and knew she probably had found someone better than you by now, or rather you hoped that she had, knowing you’d most likely never be able to make her happy again, after all that had happened recently, and due to the way that you were, and always had been in general. “I know you probably don’t wanna talk to me anymore, and I’m sorry, I just - I had to hear your voice again - everything hurts so much, u-until I hear, or see you,” you mused, “that’s all I know, now - I’m so sorry-”
“N-No, it’s - it’s okay, Y/n,” she managed feebly, “don’t apologise, okay? Of course I still wanna talk to you - I want to help you, and get you through this, so - is there any way I could try and do that for you? Maybe if I came over to see you, or-?” You would fall quiet for a moment, a pained expression on your face whilst you considered her suggestion; you couldn’t imagine why she’d want to come and see you after what had recently happened between you both. Margot would then find herself growing to be worried about you again as a result of your silence, terrifying her as it made her think that maybe you had begun to cry, or had been in the process of trying to take your life, somehow, before you called her. “Y/n? Are - Are you okay? Say something-”
“You could lie to me,” you suggested faintly, and she would appear puzzled, as well as a little disappointed by your suggestion, “I don’t care what it is that you say, just - lie to me; make me feel okay again.”
She would frown, realising; she’d never thought that by effectively breaking up with you, and gently kicking you out of the house, she would have this effect on you, hoping - instead - that it would have helped you to get better; to stop drinking, and trying to take your life when really it had only made things worse for you to be away from her.
“Why would you want me to lie to you?” She asked, and you would hesitate, before deciding to admit to your recent thoughts.
“Because I know that - that you telling me that you love me, care about me, and don’t hate me would have to be a lie,” you explained, and she would somehow manage to feel her heart sink again whilst she shook her head subconsciously, and would brush her tears away to the best of her ability with her left hand though there were more invading her stunning icy blue eyes despite them already being quite sore from her previous crying session not too long ago, now, “you have every right to hate me, now, a-and not love me anymore, I mean-.. I was just hoping that maybe you’d - be able to forgive me, somehow? I-If not I completely understand, and obviously don’t wanna force you, I just-”
“Of course I forgive you,” she reassured, and you would express relief as you had been worried that maybe she wouldn’t, and rightly so; you knew you’d never be able to forgive yourself for breaking your promises, and had begun to hate yourself even more after you had; you’d always hate yourself for hurting her, especially when you believed you had been made to make her happy; to shower her with all your love and affection to the best of your ability, “even though you basically just threw our four years of friendship out the window last week; I-.. I can’t not forgive you, because I-.. I - I mean-.. you mean too much to me, and if I lost you-.. I honestly don’t know what I’d do - this week’s been so much harder than it would have been if you were still here with me, a-and - I honestly hated every second of it; hated every second of being away from you.”
You would falter, a pained expression on your face again whilst you bowed your head, hoping - though you still loved her, and knew you always would - that this didn’t mean she felt the same way for you, still, no matter how much you longed to be with her again, and to hold her close to you whilst you kissed her, and buried your face into the crook of your neck, as well as longed to spend your nights and every minute you could with her, but knew you couldn’t as you knew she deserved better than you, and knew she needed to try and find someone else who could actually make her happy, believing that you couldn’t, and would only end up burdening her even further if she decided she still wanted you, somehow, which she did, and knew she always would.
“But-.. why?” You questioned, and Margot would appear nervous, before subconsciously rubbing her right arm with her left hand though you both weren’t in the same room; she was evidently terrified of what you might think if she admitted to still having feelings for you.
“L-Look, I-.. I didn’t mean-.. to kick you out last week, and nor did I mean to hurt you, or make it seem like I no longer loved you because I do; I only did it because I was hoping you would stop drinking, a-and stop trying to take your life because-.. I love you, Y/n, and I’m worried about you; if you keep on going the way that you are-”
“W-Wait, so-.. you.. you broke up with me and kicked me out to try and stop me from drinking and trying to kill myself? Seriously?” You interjected, a hurt look on your face whilst your voice briefly trembled, and you would find yourself trying not to cry again; you couldn’t believe it, and not just because it had hurt you to lose her the way that you had - it also hurt now to know that she’d done it to try and better you, when you had allowed it to only make you get worse, and you knew - then - that you would end up burdening her further if she tried to win you back, and succeeded like you knew she easily would if she tried - it was too hard for you to not give into her as your feelings for her were overwhelming, and too powerful to deny, especially when she was in the same room as you.
“I - I know, it’s - it was bad, but-.. I’m so sorry, I-”
“You broke me by doing what you did,” you interjected truthfully, and she would falter, before nodding gravely, “but-.. I don’t blame you - it was all my fault, anyway; if I hadn’t started drinking again, and tried to take my life that time-”
“Y/n, no,” she tried to stop you, not wanting you to blame yourself for what had happened, especially not whilst you were like this as she feared that maybe you would try and hurt yourself, or try to take your life again following the ending of the call, prompting her to sit up subconsciously - she knew what she would have to do, now: she needed to go over to your apartment, and to make sure that you didn’t try to take your life again like she feared you would, knowing she wouldn’t be able to survive any longer without you; it was painful enough being away from you like she was, now, but to find herself returning home knowing that you were no longer around was even more excruciating, and she wanted to avoid this scenario as best she could, hoping that this time you would both end up being able to spend eternity together like you had previously planned to, before, and hoped you would both get married like you both had also planned to, and had often talked about before whilst snuggling up together on the bed whenever you ended up having a nightmare, and sought comfort from her beside you whilst she cradled you, and reminded you of your and her future together blissfully every time. “It wasn’t your fault; none of this was your fault-”
“You deserve so much better than me,” you managed weakly whilst she would shake her head again, new tears running slowly down her cheeks whilst she got up off of the sofa, and hastily retrieved her bag whilst occasionally brushing away her tears; she wouldn’t lose you again, “I’m so sorry - I-.. I should never have called-”
“Y/n, wait, please,” she begged, and would then curse in a shaky whisper following you ending the call, before getting a bad feeling again, and beginning to panic even more, and rushing out of the living room, into the hallway, and through the front door with the intention of stopping you from trying to do what you were about to do whilst you set down Lucy’s phone dejectedly, before dragging yourself into the bathroom, locking yourself in, and retrieving the razor, as well as one bottle of beer out of six that you had managed to hide from your sister.
🜚
Once Margot had arrived at your apartment, Lucy would appear surprised as she hadn’t been expecting her to visit so unexpectedly, the look on her face already proving to be a sign of alarm; she was terrified for your life, worrying Lucy who evidently had no clue as to what it was that you were currently doing.
“Oh, hey - sorry, I wasn’t expecting you round today,” Lucy began, and Margot would nod gravely, beginning to feel bad for not giving some sort of warning to her before her arrival, “is everything okay? You - You look stressed, and tired.”
“I - I’m fine, don’t worry about me,” she tried to reassure her hastily, desperate to get to you, “where’s Y/n?”
🜸
Whilst they were both hastily searching around for you, you were sunk down against the wall in the bathroom, tears endlessly streaming down your cheeks whilst you were still holding the now blood-stained razor in your right hand, and the now empty bottle of beer in your left one. You’d left a few cuts wherever you found you could, and tried to make them pretty deep, too, hoping that maybe you’d end up bleeding to death for all that you’d ended up doing to Margot, resulting in her being further worried about you, and upset to the point that she felt as if she had to try and get you to change the way that you had been recently by breaking up with you, and kicking you out despite her still somehow having feelings for you, hurting her even more.
You would be startled as soon as someone had begun to frantically knock on the bathroom door, but found you couldn’t strain out a response to it, your voice failing you, and words getting stuck within your throat beneath the lump that had formed whilst you were finding yourself trying not to cry again as a result of you thinking about your and Margot’s previous conversation over Lucy’s phone, until a familiar voice sounded out, soothing you instantly, and you even couldn’t help, but smile faintly upon hearing it.
“Y-Y/n, if - if that’s you in there, please - just-.. say something, and let us know that you’re okay,” Margot requested, though she was also finding it a struggle to speak, evidently on the verge of breaking down, and this was further heightened when she found she still couldn’t hear anything, terrifying her as a strained sob managed to escape her lips, prompting you to falter upon hearing it whilst your heart ached even more excruciatingly alongside her own.
“S-Shit, okay,” Lucy commented, “so she isn’t responding, but don’t worry, I - I have a key, and I’m gonna go and get it really quickly, just wait here-”
“Please h-hurry,” she pleaded, and Lucy would nod, before rushing out of the room whilst Margot returned her attention to the door, and leaned heavily against it, wishing she could get to you, as well as that she could turn back the time to stop herself from kicking you out of her house, and breaking up with you as she was sure, now, that she could have tried to help you using another method, and that she’d made the wrong decision, making you worse than you had been, before, but you believed you only had yourself to blame for it, and always would.
As soon as Lucy had returned, she would hastily unlock the door, panicking you, but you found you could no longer move properly; all the cuts you’d left almost all over your body were paining you too much to allow you to try and hide them, though it would be pointless to do so when they were leaving a range of blood stains both on your clothes, and on the floor - you had only been trying to hide them because you didn’t want Margot to have to see you like this; you didn’t think she would actually come and see you to make sure that you were okay, and wished she hadn’t had bothered, knowing that seeing you in this state would only hurt her even more.
Once they’d managed to get inside, they would both falter by the doorway, and you couldn’t bear to look up at them, especially not to see the pained expression currently residing on Margot’s face; she couldn’t believe what she was seeing, but at the same time cursed herself for not being as surprised as she thought she would be - she had caught you trying to take your life before, after all, but despite this fact she couldn’t help, but feel even worse as she didn’t like to think that this was simply a regular, and not uncommon occurrence for you both.
“You shouldn’t have bothered coming to see me,” you managed, your voice a little more raspy than usual, and barely audible; you couldn’t even believe - for a moment - that you had managed to speak after your gaze had briefly fallen upon her, before you had quickly lowered it down to your currently too pale hands.
Upon hearing your voice, Margot managed to drag herself out of her thoughts, allowing her to rush up to you, and crouch down in front of you whilst she tearfully examined the blood stains forming almost all over your garments, before she looked up again, allowing her stunning icy blue eyes to look with your’s, prompting another strained sob to manage to escape her lips whilst she lifted her right hand shakily up to your left cheek, prompting you to subconsciously lean into her touch whilst your own tears managed to escape, and heart ached even more somehow alongside her’s; you hated what you were doing to her, whilst she hated what she had done to you, though you hoped she wasn’t blaming herself for what had happened, feeling as if you had been the one to result in this happening, as well as everything else happening though everything else bad with the world didn’t directly involve, or centre around you.
“I couldn’t have just let this go on any longer than it already has,” she contradicted feebly, and you would shake your head gravely whilst she would briefly look back at Lucy who was already in the process of calling for an ambulance, before she looked back at you, “a-as soon as you ended the call i-it was like-.. like I knew, a-and-.. I had to see you; had to make sure that you were okay, b-because - because I still-”
“N-No, don’t,” you interjected weakly, prompting her to falter whilst a hurt look crossed her face, and her tears would begin to escape her eyes, making your heart sink as soon as you noticed them, “do you remember what I told you before? You deserve better than me; I’m not good enough for you - all I do is hurt you-”
“That’s not true,” she interrupted confidently, desperate to make you happy again, as well as to win you back so you could both do all that you had planned to do together ever since you’d admitted your feelings for one another, and started going out together a short time after you’d both graduated college, “Y/n, you - you’re perfect, a-and honestly all I could ever want; I could only ever choose you because you’re the only one who can make me feel the way I do, and sure we have our bad moments, but-.. what couple doesn’t? It’s not like we always have them.” You would scoff, and she would frown, evidently disappointed by your reaction as well as worried by it. “You know we don’t, a-and whenever we do you also know it’s because I’m worried about you; I can’t live without you, Y/n, and if you keep on doing stuff like - like this then I will be, and I’m not sure if I can do that; not sure if I can actually handle trying to live without you by my side-”
“You survived a week without me,” you reminded her, “you would be fine-”
“Really? ‘Cause I think I was barely surviving, and if I was happy do you think I’d be here not only to help you, and to try and make you happy again, but to try and start again with you, too, t-telling you about how my feelings for you never changed even after what happened last week?” She questioned, but you found you couldn’t answer, feeling much too weak, numb, and empty to, though even if you felt as if you could you wouldn’t be able to as she hastily continued, evidently desperate to prove to you that you were more than good enough for her, and that she still wanted you despite what had occurred between you both recently with your supposedly burdening drinking habits and suicidal tendencies. “A-Actually,” she began again thoughtfully whilst a soft smile would play on her lips, and you would tilt your head partially whilst you wondered what she was thinking about, and couldn’t help, but try and fight back a smile as seeing her smile - though she could only manage a faint smile during this moment - always tended to make you feel better, as if you’d never been in pain before, soothing you instantly whilst you found yourself subconsciously admiring her. “I think they did change - I don’t know how, but - my feelings for you only ever seem to grow stronger with every passing day, even when we aren’t together,” she expressed, and you would appear relieved for a moment as you had been worried - though you couldn’t imagine why when you believed, and knew you’d never stop believing that you were far from good enough for her - that maybe she had been about to tell you that she had changed her mind, and no longer wanted you anymore, something you knew would end up breaking you completely, and pushing you to go to further extremes to try and take your life. “S-So? Would-.. Would you maybe be up for-.. being my partner in crime again? As soon as you’re treated, a-and feel ready, of course,” she inquired hopefully, and you would frown whilst you thought about it after briefly appearing elated by her question, and she would begin to dread your answer as soon as your smile had dropped, suggesting to her that were considering turning her down, prompting her heart to sink alongside your’s whilst she found herself feeling empty and numb again like she had been the past few days away from you.
“Y-You know-.. sometimes I-.. wish we never met,” you admitted gravely, and Margot would falter, her demeanour sinking a little whilst she appeared crestfallen again for a moment, “if we hadn’t, you-.. you wouldn’t be wasting your time on me-”
“But that’s all that I want to do, Y/n - I want to waste my time on you; I always have, and I always will, I promise,” she insisted whilst she carefully cradled you close to her, and you would wonder why she was being so good to you after all that had happened between you both recently, subconsciously wishing you could wrap your arms around her, whilst finding you couldn’t; it was too excruciating to move any part of your body right now apart from your neck; you hadn’t left any cuts on it, and nor had you found yourself brave enough to leave any cuts upon your face. “Y-You’re my soulmate-”
“Help is coming!” Lucy exclaimed, and you would grimace, before shaking your head hastily, and glaring up at her.
“I don’t need help,” you retorted, and Lucy would wince whilst Margot would smile apologetically up at her, before returning her attention to you, and trying to provide comfort to you by playing with your hair using her right hand, soothing you instantly whilst you subconsciously leaned into her touch, “it’s like no one understands me, w-well-.. no one but-.. you, Mar - I just-.. need an end to - to this pain; I can’t stand it anymore, but-.. I loved you-..” She would falter again upon hearing you use the word ‘loved’ as if you no longer felt the same way for her, when really you were just trying to dissuade her from you, knowing you could never make her happy again; could never be who you longed to be for her, though you despised yourself for what you were doing, and longed to stop whilst you tried not to allow your gaze to drift down to her lips, instead allowing your eyes to lock with her stunning icy blue ones so you could get easily lost within them, before forcing yourself to continue feebly whilst you drifted in and out of consciousness, terrifying her; she couldn’t imagine her life without you in it, and had never thought that maybe she would end up having to try to go on living with you completely no longer by her side, or even alive anymore, prompting more tears to begin running down her cheeks whilst you longed to brush and kiss them away to try and soothe her. “I loved you so, so much, but you hurt me, Mar - I deserved it, though; I’ll always deserve this pain-”
“N-No, Y/n, you don’t deserve it,” she interjected, “and I never meant to hurt you, I swear, I just-”
“I know,” you reassured her faintly whilst you managed a weak smile up at her, “you-.. you were trying to help me, and I appreciate everything that you have tried to do for me, I just-.. wish you’d stop, a-and find someone better for you who won’t constantly burden you like I do-”
“But you don’t burden me,” she contradicted, “I love you - you-.. you’re everything to me; you always have been, and always will be, n-no matter what, and I’ll always do all I can for you because I want you to be happy, and want to repay you to the best of my ability with my love for you, f-for honestly making me so much happier than I’ve ever been before.”
“You’re wasting your time,” you continued, your voice barely audible whilst she leaned closer to you, and would affectionately connect her forehead to your’s, flustering you, “I - I’m never gonna change my mind, Mar, I promise - please just find someone else; d-don’t let me hurt you anymore-”
“You won’t,” she insisted, her voice briefly trembling whilst she did, “I trust you, Y/n - m-more than anything; you’ve never hurt me, and I hate myself for hurting you like I did last week, but-.. I guess if-.. if you really don’t want me anymore I-.. I’ll stop, and give you time to think about things.”
You would nod slowly, before forcing a smile up at her though seeing her in pain again was hurting you more than anything else ever had, before, especially when you still had feelings for her, and knew you always would.
“I’m glad, but-.. don’t wait up for me, okay? I’m not-” You would catch yourself, knowing it would hurt her even more to hear you say that you believed yourself to not be worth the wait. “Like I said before, I’m-.. I’m not changing my mind,” you strained out whilst you began to grow weaker, and more disorientated whilst you leaned heavily against her, and would rest your head upon her left shoulder, your eyelids beginning to flutter shut, before everything seemed to go dark around you, and you fell unconscious within her embrace, panicking both her and your sister even further until the ambulance had finally arrived, and could take you to the hospital where they would stay the night anxiously waiting for you to reawaken after you had been treated.
🜚
Whilst they were both waiting, Lucy couldn’t help, but notice how crestfallen Margot appeared after your and her previous interaction, prompting her to frown; she could tell that you claiming that you wouldn’t change your mind about giving you both another chance had deeply affected her, only to be heightened by the fact that you were now being treated whilst they were sitting within this quiet lobby waiting to be told that you were going to be okay, and would soon wake up.
“You really love her, don’t you?” Lucy mused, and Margot wouldn’t hesitate to nod whilst staring down at her currently trembling hands, feeling unable to meet Lucy’s gaze without breaking down whilst tears were already threatening to escape her stunning icy blue eyes. “You know she doesn’t mean it, right? She still loves you, and always will,” she continued, and Margot would shake her head gravely whilst appearing doubtful, prompting Lucy to try and think of something that she could do to try and get you both back together, “she does, I mean - there’s not been a single day that she hasn’t asked me about you, and hasn’t stopped watching that film you both were in; I can’t remember what it’s called, but-.. she watches it everyday, missing you.”
Margot would appear surprised, before glancing up at Lucy whilst she recalled the films you had both worked on together following each of the Suicide Squads including the one that was a precursor before the first film - so far, those (not including the original ones which you found you couldn’t be in) were all you had done, and she had had to help you get the part.
“I think you should keep trying to win her back; don’t give up, especially not whilst you still feel the same way for her, and are confident that she’s your soulmate - are you?” Lucy inquired, and Margot wouldn’t hesitate to nod hastily again whilst her eyes would subconsciously begin to glint, prompting Lucy to smile warmly over at her, glad that you had her; a true friend to get you through the bitter times with her father whilst she herself was away, unable to take his wrath anymore alongside you.
“I - I’ve never been more certain of anything else,” Margot expressed, and Lucy would raise her eyebrows, wondering how that felt, exactly, as she’d never really been lucky herself when it came to relationships, and love, “but you heard her, Luce - she’s determined to not change her mind because she wants to protect me from her, for some reason, so what do I do? When she’s set on trying to protect me, she’ll never stop, and I know that for a fact now.”
Lucy would then smirk upon stumbling across an idea that they could both try and execute, before she looked over at Margot again who would tilt her head subconsciously, wondering what it was that Lucy had managed to think up whilst she also appeared hopeful, knowing that if she lost you again that she would begin to struggle - herself - even more, to go on without you; one week away from you had been more excruciating than she had thought it would, so what would it feel like to not have you by her side for the rest of her life, and maybe even beyond it?
“I have the best idea,” Lucy chimed, “you see - it’s easy to make Y/n jealous, and when she gets jealous it’s likely that she will confront you, giving you the chance to admit your feelings to her again, and she’ll be so riled up and anxious about losing you to the point that she’ll have to give in to you, and win you back - how does that sound?”
“Like a pretty good idea,” Margot answered, “I guess I’m just worried, t-though - I don’t wanna hurt her again.”
“And you won’t,” Lucy tried to reassure her hastily, evidently eager to see you both together again as she liked to see you happy like you were whenever you and Margot were together, “I promise - we’ll call the plan off sooner if she gets worryingly upset, okay? J-Just to make sure that she’s okay, and trust me - she’ll be more than okay by the time it’s over, when you’ll both be happy together again. So - are you in?”
Margot would think about it for a moment, before reluctantly nodding, and smiling faintly back over at her.
“Sure,” she replied simply, “so how are we making her jealous, and when can we start?”
|
As soon as you’d awoken, and they had fully discussed Lucy’s plan together, they would both be guided to your room, and would awkwardly sit on either side of you whilst you slowly would stir awake, disorientated for a little while whilst you found yourself trying not to panic, waking up within this overwhelmingly bright room.
“W-Where am I-?” You asked, before trying to get up, and wincing whilst your previously stitched up and bandaged cuts began to pain you again, leaving you feeling weak, and numb like they had, before.
“It’s okay, Y/n,” Margot cooed, “you’re safe, now - you’re in the hospital, and are gonna get better for us soon, I promise.”
You would then realise, a pained expression on your face whilst you gravely shook your head, prompting a hurt look to cross her face; she could guess what you might be intending on saying, making her heart sink and begin to ache excruciatingly alongside your’s again.
“Why?” You began weakly, before continuing in a strained manner. “Why’d you have to save me like that? Why would you even bother? I don’t deserve this; I don’t deserve anyone, or anything - you should have left me to die-”
“We couldn’t do something like that to you,” Lucy contradicted, a hurt look on her face whilst you did, and you would subconsciously grimace up at her.
“Funny hearing you say that after you basically left me to be beaten by - by him,” you retorted, evidently referring to your father, prompting her to falter whilst she recalled how she had fled from his wrath, leaving you behind, “you could have taken me away with you-”
“I know, I’m sorry, I just - I panicked after mum died, a-and-”
“Just go,” you uttered whilst you stared ahead of you, and Margot would bow her head, a pained expression on her face as she hated that things were like this between you both, though she could understand why you still might not be on the best of terms with Lucy after what had happened, even after she’d apologised profusely and made more of an effort to take care of, and keep an eye on you recently to make sure that you were okay, as well as to make up for her previous absence whilst you were living with your abusive father.
“Hey,” she cooed gently whilst she smiled softly up at you to try and provide comfort to you whilst she carefully held your partially bandaged up right hand in her left one, soothing you instantly whilst Lucy begrudgingly got up out of her seat, and dragged herself back toward the door, “Luce-”
“I’ll be outside if you guys need me, okay?” She interjected barely audibly, before leaving the room, and sitting outside whilst she began to cry quietly, burying her face into her hands; she wished she could take back the time, and decide - instead - to stay with you to protect you from your and her father as she hated that things were now like this between you both; hated that she had left you to be abused by him with no intention of returning until he had gone from both of your lives.
“Are you okay?” Margot inquired, and you would hesitate, before nodding gravely, and forcing a smile over at her whilst she appeared to be nervous as if she were about to make a suggestion that you wouldn’t immediately agree with, and you would instantly guess that it had something to do with your sister. “G-Good - I’m glad,” she expressed, “h-hey, erm-.. I just thought maybe it would be good if you spoke to your sister a bit more, spent some more time with her; she cares about you, and regrets leaving, she told me; she wants to do all she can to try and make it up to you-”
“Well she can’t,” you insisted, evidently disappointing her, and you would wonder why, even finding yourself growing to be quite anxious, and even experienced a slight pang of jealousy whilst you thought back to how they had been much closer than they had been before, recently, “w-when did she become your best friend, anyway? You - You were never really that close, before, n-not that it matters, I just-.. never mind.”
“What are you talking about? We’ve been friends for a little while, now,” she contradicted, whilst trying to fight back a smirk; she could tell that you were already getting jealous, suggesting that the plan Lucy had come up with was already working somewhat, “besides - y-you know that you’re my best friend, don’t you? You always have been, a-and always will be, I promise.”
You would nod gravely though her referring to you as her ‘best friend’ was paining you, and the pain was getting hard to bear again.
“Y-You’ll always be my best friend, too,” you returned, and she would then find herself experiencing the same unexpected pang of sadness that you previously had, prompting her to falter subconsciously, before she forced a smile over at you, and would begrudgingly turn around once the door had opened again - Lucy had returned, and you would subconsciously grimace, whilst also finding yourself growing to be anxious again whilst you watched her approach, and rest her left hand on Margot’s right shoulder, prompting her to smile up at Lucy whilst you would begin to feel lost, and empty again, as if you had nothing left within you anymore.
Once you felt able, you would force your gaze away though it was paining you to make even the smallest of movements, now, for a reason unbeknownst to you, and Lucy would nod subtly after you’d looked away, suggesting further to them both that the plan was going the way they had been intending it to go.
“That doctor came up to me again and told me we should let Y/n rest, now,” she informed, and Margot would instantly frown before she glanced over at you subconsciously; she didn’t want to have to leave you whilst you were like this, worried about you again, and about what you might manage to do to yourself if you were left alone, “we could always come back later? I’m sure they’d let us-”
“Don’t bother,” you strained out, your voice close to a whisper whilst you stared ahead of you, and tears clouded your vision again, surprising them both, as well as making Margot feel worse for what she was doing, for a moment, when she noticed the hurt look on your face, “I’m fine here, by myself - it’s nice. Besides, you - you guys have lives to live, too, you shouldn’t be wasting your’s on-.. on mine.”
“And what’s wrong with your’s?” She asked, and you would appear taken aback by the question, before painfully glancing up at her.
“It - It’s nothing,” you gave in whilst you looked away again, and would hesitantly force yourself to let go of her hand though you longed to remain in contact with her like you previously had been, the loss of it making you feel even worse, somehow, “just-.. don’t worry about me anymore, Mar, okay?”
“But-”
“Please,” you begged, and she would fall quiet whilst a hurt look crossed her face again; she couldn’t bear to see you like this, and hoped the plan would work out the way Lucy had told her it would so she could try and make you happy again, and shower you with all the love she would always hold for you like she’d been dreaming of doing recently after she’d ended up briefly losing you for a whole week.
“I’m sorry, Y/n, I can’t,” she continued dejectedly, before forcing herself up, “l-look, we-.. we’re gonna have to go for a bit, but-”
“O-Of course - go and have fun,” you remarked sarcastically, “b-by all means - I bet you just love each other’s company.”
“I don’t know why you’re being like this,” Margot responded, “s-so-.. we’ll go, a-and come back later, okay? Get some rest, I-..” She would then wince, hastily stopping herself before the last two words could slip from her lips though she longed to release them, and to try and make you happy again like you had been, before you’d lost her. “You need it,” she managed after clearing her throat, before she dragged herself from the room followed by Lucy after you’d found you couldn’t respond again - the pain was too excruciating, and once they’d gone, you couldn’t help, but break down, and begin to sob uncontrollably whilst Margot would stop at the door upon hearing that you had begun to cry, a strained sob threatening to escape her own lips whilst she listened to you. “Y/n-”
“No, Margot, don’t,” Lucy interrupted, before managing to stop her from re-entering the room though she longed to go back inside, and to hold you close to her in an attempt to try and provide comfort to you, “it’s too early - if you talk to her, now, it won’t work.”
“Listen to her, Luce,” she whined, “she needs me, and I need her-”
“I know, but it’s gonna work out by the time it’s over, I promise,” Lucy insisted, “she’ll realise something is off if we go back inside, now, I know she will - do you want to lose her again?”
Margot’s expression would then soften, before she would nod hastily, and sniffle quietly whilst she tried to wipe away all of the tears that had managed to escape her stunning icy blue eyes.
“N-No - of course not, just-.. please - promise me that things are gonna get better, soon,” she requested, and Lucy would nod, before smiling reassuringly over at her to try and make her feel better, but she found nothing, but you, could comfort her right now, and you currently weren’t an option, making her feel worse, and as if things were only going to go downhill from this moment, “that this time she’s still here; will always be here, and never disappear again, c-can you do that?”
“Of course I can - Here: everything’s gonna be perfect again once we’ve executed the plan, and you’re never gonna end up losing her again, I promise,” she replied, and Margot would express relief whilst she thought about it again, before nodding, and forcing a smile back at Lucy though to hear that you were still crying was paining her more than anything else ever had before, somehow, “now - before we come back and check on her, what would you like to eat?”
🜸🜚🜸
As soon as you had been discharged from the hospital, Margot and Lucy would make sure to keep a close eye on you, worried about you possibly trying to take your own life again, somehow, and you hated it; hated being watched the way that you were, especially by Lucy after she had left you to experience the full wrath of your father in the form of the beatings he had administered to you on a daily basis. You also couldn’t stand to see them both getting so much closer than they were, before, worrying you, though you couldn’t imagine why, especially when you had been hoping - in the first place - that Margot would find someone better than you, a thought that always prompted you to break down quietly into your hands whenever you were curled up in bed as you didn’t want to end up crying in front of her, resulting in you upsetting or worrying her even more than she was, before, somehow.
However - though you found yourself somehow barely strong enough to do this before, you would soon begin to lose that strength following you overhearing Margot and Lucy talking about meeting up on a date together, leaving you feeling empty and numb again whilst your heart would ache excruciatingly, before you nodded gravely, and dragged yourself into the room, surprising them both - well, you thought you had surprised them, when really they’d known that you were there, and that was why Lucy had brought up the next topic of the plan; it would soon be coming to an end now the main idea of it had been brought into play.
“Y/n,” Margot began whilst she smiled warmly up at you, before getting up off of the sofa and making to wrap her arms around you, “you’re finally awake-”
You would then move away before she could get any closer, prompting her to falter whilst a hurt look would cross her face, only making you feel worse as you hated upsetting her, bowing your head to try and avoid making eye contact as you were on the verge of breaking down again, and knew you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself back from crying if you met her now tearful as well as anxious gaze.
“C-Can we talk, Mar?” You requested, and she would hesitantly glance back at Lucy, appearing nervous, and Lucy would simply nod, smile reassuringly, before leaving the room to give you both some privacy.
“Sure - What’s up?” She inquired, trying to hide that your reaction to her trying to hug you had pained her, and you would subconsciously grimace whilst you thought about their previous conversation, prompting your heart to sink again whilst a couple of small tears would manage to escape your eyes, before slowly running down your cheeks, worrying her as she’d not expected this reaction from you. “Hey, are - are you crying-? Y/n-”
You would then step back again once she had made to inch closer to you subconsciously; she couldn’t bear this - seeing you upset, and not being able to provide comfort to you - it was painful.
“W-What even am I in your life, Mar?” You questioned, your voice briefly trembling whilst you began to break down, unable to hold it back anymore, prompting her to falter whilst her own tears had begun to manage to escape her, but before she could muster up an answer, you would continue shakily, and in a strained manner as if you were weak, and hanging on a loose thread. “Because as of lately I feel as though I’ve been - been nothing to you,” you admitted dejectedly, prompting her to frown whilst her heart would sink, and ache excruciatingly alongside your’s, “so-.. w-what am I to you, now?”
She would then find herself wishing she could tell you the truth, whilst Lucy was shaking her head in the doorway; she had been quietly listening in like you had a moment ago to their previous conversation.
“Y/n, you - you know what you mean to me-”
You would grimace, before nodding gravely, and bowing your head whilst you tried to swallow the lump in your throat which had formed following you beginning to cry in front of her.
“R-Right, yeah, sorry - I forgot I was just your supposed best friend, now,” you recalled, “I’ll just-.. go and get Lucy back for you-”
“N-No, Y/n, wait,” she interjected hastily, her voice briefly trembling whilst she did, and you would hesitantly stop, before looking back at her, and lingering by the door whilst Lucy was trying to hide from your view, “I don’t want her back, okay? I want you - I always have-”
“You don’t need to lie to me anymore,” you reminded her dejectedly, “just-.. focus on you and Lucy, okay?”
“But-” You would then slip through the door, and rush back up the stairs whilst you began to break down all over again, and would disappear into your quite plain room; your sister had made sure to - with Margot’s help - set up the other spare room for you, making it so that it was relatively bland as she didn’t want anything within it that you could use to try and hurt yourself, making sure - even - to apply soft material on the walls and the wooden boards on your bed as she didn’t trust you not to try and use them on yourself as she recalled you had often done it before until you’d knocked yourself out every time, and she had had to take you to the hospital.
Lucy would then - once you had fled from the room, and disappeared upstairs - hesitantly re-enter, though she had heard that Margot had begun to break down alongside you.
“I did warn you that it would be too soon to try,” Lucy reminded her, and she would nod gravely whilst she tried to rid herself of her tears, “look-.. she’s gonna come around, soon, I promise, and you’ll be able to win her back as soon as she does, I’m sure of it - I know what she’s like; she starts off often being in a strop, engaging in sarcasm, and then tries to feign acceptance - that’s when you’ll be able to tell her you still love her because by that time she won’t be able to refuse or run away from you again, okay?”
Margot would hesitate, before nodding gravely in response though this all felt wrong to her, and made her feel as if what she was doing was wrong, and would only make things worse, especially when she could see that she was already upsetting you more than she thought she would, before, and she couldn’t stand watching it happen.
“I guess,” she managed, “this just feels so-.. wrong.. w-we shouldn’t be doing this to her-”
“Stop worrying, it’s all going to work out, I know it will,” Lucy insisted, “but, sure - if you decide you want to stop, then we can stop tomorrow, just think about it before you do, okay?”
“I - I will,” Margot answered, and Lucy would smile reassuringly back at her again, before she sat back down on the sofa, “you can continue watching the film, if you want - I’m really tired, and think I’m just gonna try and get some sleep, now.”
“Sure - have a good sleep, okay? Things will get better tomorrow,” she responded gently, and Margot would nod, before forcing a smile back at her, “night.”
“Night,” she returned, before leaving the room, dragging herself up the stairs, and stopping by the door of her bedroom whilst she looked toward your own, wondering if she should try and talk to you again until she would remind herself of what Lucy had told her about your stages, and begrudgingly decided against it, drawing in a shaky breath, before she disappeared inside.
~~~~~
Hope you enjoyed it! ❤️
#writing prompts#writing prompt#fanfiction#margot robbie#lgbtq writing#lgbtq+#lgbtqia#lgbtq#gay love#love story#love confessions#angsty prompts#angsty#cute prompts#angst with a sad ending#angst with comfort#angst prompt#angst#angst with a hopeful ending#fluffy prompts#x you fluff#fluff prompts#fluff#whump fic#whump community#whump scenario#whumpee#whump ideas#whump writing#whump prompt
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
I dare you - Leo V x gn child of Nike/Reader
part four
┈┈┈┈┈◦•✩•◦┈┈┈┈┈
“Please don’t tell me Jason bit someone again-”
“Are they okay?” Leo asked, pushing passed an exhausted looking Will and scanning the infirmary. There was only a bored looking Ares kid playing with a lighter in the corner as Austin put a bandage over his broken nose. “Where are they?”
Will waved his hand casually and motioned to the door at the end of the room, “High on drugs, we had to sedate them to stitch it all back together. They just woke up.”
Leo had already pushed past him, tripping on a stray bandage and peeking behind all of the plastic curtains in the back room. One of the daughters of Hecate was reading a comic, their skin a bright purple, but there was no one else, until-
“Drewy, Suey, Flooy, Pooey, hey! We should call you Nancy Drew, except you’re not smart enough to be- Ow!”
“I could be a detective if I wanted to.” Drew shot back, and Leo peeked around the curtain, watching as the girl picked some dirt from beneath her nails. “I just don’t care enough about other people's problems.”
The patient, whose bed she was sitting on, stuck their tongue out. “You can stop showing off that you’ve still got nails and shit, Nancy Drew-y, Suey-”
“Holy shit, you're awake! Are you okay?” Leo asked, stepping forwards, but once he got to their bedside, he wasn’t really sure what to do with himself. He just hovered, giving them a weak smile.
“Fine,” they waved their hand, which was bandaged heavily, like a big white canvas mitten, a loopy grin on their face. “I’m finey, piney, siney, miney…”
“Stop waving your hand around or Will’ll strap it down.” Drew snapped, and then turned to Leo with a smirk. She picked up a tote bag with Margot Robbie in a pink jumpsuit on it. “Your turn lover boy. Oh, and they aren’t allowed to eat anything, just water.”
“Why can’t-”
There was a crash as they turned to the plastic bag next to them and emptied their stomach of the nine strawberries they’d been able to eat. “Bleurgh…”
Leo blinked. “Oh.”
“Oh it’s you!” They grinned, looking up from the bag of vomit like nothing was wrong, when in fact everything was. “Hey, Drew Suey, look it’s the- oh she’s gone.”
Leo narrowed his eyes at her “It’s the what?”
“The kinda cute and literally can’t fight and, and…I forgot what the last one was guy.”
He felt his heart beating as fast as the machine in the corner, and wiped his hands on his pants with a gulp. They thought he was kinda cute? Him? He [the kinda cute guy] pulled one of the tissues out of the box on the bedside table and leaned forward hesitantly. He thought they’d hate him, he’d got their hand cut off for the gods sake, but here they were calling him kinda cute.
“You got a bit of,” he started motioning with the tissue to their face, but was only met with a blank look. He just sighed and wiped the pink stuff off their face gently, tossing the tissue in the bin. “There.”
He glanced down at their hand, which he couldn’t even see any of. He felt guilt creep in again. “Is it, is it attached? Did Will fix it, or are you gonna be, like, an amputee?”
They squinted at the wall vaguely, “uh…like, the fingers came off apparently, I dunno, there was a lot of blood. Or strawberries. I love strawberries!”
“I know,” he sighed, trying not to smile at the slightly hazy but innocent expression they had as they cocked their head at him. “I asked if your fingers are back on your hand-”
“Guess what? They came off! Will said that I grabbed a circularlarler saw thingamabob but I’d never do that, I’m not stupid!”
“No way,” Leo breathed sarcastically, and shuffled onto the end of the bed. He watched as they chewed on the fingernails on their other hand and stared out the window absently. “Are… are you okay?”
“I mean my hand kinda yeeted away for a bit,” they started animatedly, “but it’s all better now, Will sewed it back on.”
Leo gritted his teeth, but he wasn’t really annoyed, their excitable face was too cute to be angry at, and he didn’t see it much. Usually they were just waving spears around and glaring at him.
They tapped his shoulder though, like they just remembered something. “Oh, I forgot, two of 'em decided they didn’t wanna go back on, which is kinda mean of them, but now I got three fingers. But they're the important ones, so it’s all okay.”
He blinked. “All of them are the important ones.”
“Nah,” they waved the wad of padding and plaster in the air casually, nearly knocking it into the wall, but Leo managed to scramble across and stop them from reversing all eight hours of WIll’s work. “I only need the middle one.”
Somehow they hadn’t noticed, or they didn’t care, that Leo was pretty much laying across their lap.
Instead they just rested the now safe hand on his shoulder and kept talking. “And I don’t need the ring finger, because it’s my right hand, so I can still get married. And who needs their little finger? I can make pinky promises with my other hand!”
“Right,” Leo breathed, his cheeks red as he sat up a little, but the way they were still holding him a little, stopped him [not physically, he just wanted it to stay that way] from moving away. Instead his legs were sprawled across their lap as he sat next to them on the plastic-y bed.
“Did you know I never break a pinkie promise,” they gasped, like they’d only just found out as well. They extended their left hand eagerly, “I can prove it, gimme a promise. I’ll never break it.”
Leo grinned up at them, ducking his head as he extended his pinkie. “Uhm, I dunno, promise to never grab a circular saw to save my life again?”
They scrunched up their nose, rubbing it a little, “boring, I promise to always save your life again! Ha!”
“Oh, okay…” he pretended his voice didn’t crack as they shook on it.
They smiled at him, then a vague look passed over their face, and they sneezed into his shoulder, only to sneeze again. He watched as they rubbed their nose sniffling. “Why do you sneeze so much?”
“I’m allergic to sawdust.”
Leo’s smile froze, “you’re what.”
“I’m… allergic… to…-”
“Yeah, yeah I get that,” he cut them off. “But why didn’t you mention it? You were in bunker nine for hours! I’m literally always covered in sawdust! I'm like a walking ball of allergies!”
“... But I like hanging out with you.”
“I’m not saying you can’t- wait you like hanging out with me?” Leo cut himself off this time, eyes widening. They liked hanging out with him? And they thought he was [kinda] cute? How lucky could he get?
“Of course I like hanging out with you,” they scoffed, and then smirked in a loopy way that was probably because of the painkillers and everything else in their veins. “You think I'm actually that obnoxious? I just wanted you to argue with me, and I’m actually, like, super duper whooper good at not challenging other people now, I just wanted to-”
A grin wobbled across Leo’s face, and he looked away, feeling his face grow hotter. He poked them in the side gently, “You’re so manipulative.”
“No, I’m a mastermind.” They nudged him back.
“What if I told you, I’m a mastermind!”
“Jason!”
“And now you’re mine, it was all by design!”
#pjo fandom#pjo#heroes of olympus#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#leovaldez#Leo valdez#leo valdez x reader#leo valdez x oc#leo valdez x you#leo valdez x y/n
49 notes
·
View notes
Text
“Barbie” (2023)
-a big budget, pop art, visually interesting film with a vibrant personality. I love it!
-also, easily the best use of Ryan Gosling since “Drive”
-I’m truly impressed with what Greta Gerwig got away with here.
+she crammed this with energy and made me hearty laugh the whole time
-the story is Barbie discovering sadness, the real world, clashing with the patriarchy, and just the wonderment of being a woman
-there’s a couple small details I want to highlight before the big stuff
-Kate McKinnon’s look is almost certainly inspired by the awesome cult film “Liquid Sky”, another tone poem of a film
-the small, tender scene of Barbie telling the old woman (at the bus stop) she’s beautiful, and said woman saying “I know” with a vicious smirk is magical
+it says just as much as the soon to be famous “being a woman is impossible” monologue in its own beautiful warmth
-the opening riff on “2001: A Space Odyssey” is the film personified; irreverent, playing with greatness, funny, colorful, and just a blast
-(after a man notes he is not part of the board) “I’m a guy with no power...does that make me a woman?
-I like how there are two matrix tributes; picking between two choices/shoes (original) and the at first mysterious Ruth being the Oracle (“Reloaded”)
-“after I found out the patriarchy didn’t include horses, I honestly lost interest”
-alright then, onto the big pillars
-here is a film saying, with all earnestness and actual thought, that we should approach our hearts with collectivism, bond over our shared yearns and desires and messiness
-(only a scold could say this film excludes love, a scold who didn’t actually watch the film and just wants any kind of attention)
-Margot Robbie nails every bit, from first thinking about dying, to discovering tears, to making Barbie’s naïveté to growth a journey of substance
-this film is unapologetic about being feminist (which shocked the fuck out of me) and does so with actual insight, not checking off a list (which is rad)
-note too, cause grumps will try to bury this, it asks men to not define themselves by conquering others, or stepping on necks, but by creating worth on their own goals and just being present in the moment. It asks them to free themselves from their own shackles
-there is a certain richness to male characters when female directors (and writers, etc) take over; new colors are displayed in the rainbow
-it is so immensely satisfying to see actual sets (practical, on camera) and vivid primary colors (after years of blurred muted-ness)
+its value in the aesthetic form and character of the film is immeasurable
-there isn’t a single false note in the “impossible to be a woman” speech, aptly delivered by America Ferrara. It simply presents itself with the courage of its convictions
-said being truly sucks and absolutely rules; the sheer inconsistency is its beauty and power. Neatness does not contain growth
-I like how the film emphasizes the under seen will truly change and save the world
-oh, I almost forgot to mention; I just about rolled out of my chair at the ribbing of zealots for the Synder cut of Justice League
-this is an artificiality to this film that is staggeringly authentic
-this is truly one of the best examples of just being the world and subverting the world in the 2020’s (and frankly all time); this will be studied and admired for years
-also also, the battle at the beach and the dance street fight among Ken’s is an all timer of a scene (it uses the past to power the present)
-I have a sneaking suspicion this may be the “Iron Man”(2008) to the upcoming Mattel cinematic universe; the vast number of following films will largely be less interesting, less full of the personality of its creators (with some exceptions)
-but this film is worth it; it is alive and joyful. It cannot be accountable for the world(s) that comes after it, only how it exists during its run time.
-and, truly, Gerwig has made something special here. It’s just going to make the lives of everyone who accepts it for what it is (love and color of form) many times better. It is a triumph
#barbie#greta gerwig#margot robbie#ryan gosling#america ferrera#kate mckinnon#will ferrell#michael cera#film#barbie 2023
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
Who/What I Will Write For!
Warning: Mini Essay Ahead
Please Note: If you are requesting, I would prefer if you gave me the desired pronouns for the reader/character!
What I Can / Would Be Comfortable Writing & Or What Topics I Will Cover:
AUs
Expansion of plot lines
Writing for established couples
Reader inserts
Y/N
OC
Any type of romance trope
Platonic relationships
Sibling relationships
Parent relationships (including certain characters as your parent)
Magical beings
Powers
One shots and multi part imagines
LGBTQIA + characters and readers
LGBTQIA + romance
Plot line changes, time changes
Non canonical couples
Canonical couples
Non canon friendships and canon friendships
Small age gaps (when writing for older characters I will made ages fitting with the character) ex: Tony stark. WARNING: If the age gap makes the characters have a legal adult and minor relationship (w the exception of a senior and junior in high school type of thing)
Certain characters (non lgbtq) in lgbtq relationships. For example Natasha Romanoff is a lesbian relationship.
Writings inspired by a song. (I have written work planned out already)
Any shapes and sizes
Angst
Fluff
More steamy scenes (prob up to third base
More serious topics I will cover:
Mental Illness (Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar, Schizophrenia)
Disabilities (From physical to internal)
Health Issues
Eating Disorders
Self harm
Suicidal thoughts / attempts
Dysmorphia and insecurities
Abusive relationships
Bullying
Surgeries
Fainting
Vomiting (due to ED or illness)
Death
(Car)Accidents
Hospitalization
Sexual assault and rape SURVIVORS and sometimes I may write about a character’s recovery and process of coping with something that traumatic
Therapy
Homophobia
Complicated relationships
Adoption
I will NOT Write anything (no hate to those who enjoy reading some of these things, I just personally would not enjoy writing it or be fully comfortable writing it):
Yandere
Furry related things
Omegaverse
I will absolutely NOT change the sexuality of a character if it is specifically stated (ex. Phastos from Eternals, Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Sebastian Smythe, Santana Lopez, America Chavez)
I will NOT write an age gap more than an absolute max of ten years
I will NOT romanticize things in the serious topics I will write for section. They are serious topics and things such as eating disorders are serious, they should not be romanticized. I write things with heavier topics to help people.
Absolutely NO rape scenes
Inappropriate relationships (college student and professor is an absolute no)
smut
I likely won’t redeem people if they’ve done something incredibly evil
Ok here we go! I apologize for the lack of alphabetical order
Avengers/Marvel:
I will for almost any character (mainly excluding some villains)
Any Peter Parker (just request which one you prefer)
X men
Disney:
The princes
Princesses
Big hero six (I will write for hiro exclusively platonically)
Glee:
From Og Cast up to season 4, including Sebastian smythe and warblers
No Sylvester, or schue romance
Harry Potter:
Golden trio
Weasleys
Draco
Cedric
Cho
Luna
Krum
Fleur
Oliver
Seamus
Neville
Young Marauders
Top Gun (+ TG Maverick):
Maverick
Iceman
Goose
Charlotte “Charlie” Blackwood
Rooster
Hangman (I adore Jake seresin)
Bob
Phoenix
Coyote
Payback
Fanboy
Non Romantic character relationships I will write for in the Top Gun world:
Cyclone
Maverick
Penny
Admiral Cain
Admiral Warlock
Descendants:
Mal
Evie
Carlos
Jay
Doug
Ben
Jane
Lonnie
Audrey
Uma
Harry
Gil
Percy Jackson TO:
Percy
Annabeth
Grover
Luke
Clarisse
Nico
Tyson
Characters of the following actors (so if the listed actor portrayed a character I will write):
Grant Gustin
Chris Evans
Chris Pratt
Chris Hemsworth
Darren Criss
Dove Cameron
Scarlett Johansson
Emma Wattson
Jennifer Lawrence
Emma Stone
Margot Robbie
Glenn Powell
Sydney Sweeney
Andrew Garfield
I will update this list as I get reminded of more people. :) Have a great day, you are loved
#writing#top gun fanfiction#fanfic#avengers#bickering#black widow#captain america#mal#carlos de vil#adoption#descendants#evie grimhilde#gleeposting#glee#dc universe#disney#thestarspangledcaptain#peter parker fluff#top gun x reader#y/n#hangman x rooster#lgbtqia#character list#top gun maverick imagine#peter parker x stark!reader#top gun fic#jake seresin x reader#hangman angst#blaine anderson#sebastian smythe
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Barbie: **** out of 5
As I was leaving a screening of Barbie amidst a sea of elated fans, I overheard someone saying, “That was so much better than I thought it would be.” Honestly, I didn’t share the sentiment. That’s because I was certain it would be great the second that I learned it was Greta Gerwig’s next project. A wonderful actor and writer, Gerwig eventually directed her first film Lady Bird in 2017 followed by Little Women in 2019, both extraordinary works and two of the best reviewed movies of the last decade. I wasn’t excited for Barbie; I was excited for Gerwig’s third feature.
That feature is half of the ‘Barbenheimer’ cultural phenomenon. Never in a million years would I have pictured Gerwig, the de facto Queen of Indie Films, at the center of two blockbusters vying for box office dominance…in the same week! What’s more, her film is actually winning the financial battle against Oppenheimer, the second film in that portmanteau whose director, Christopher Nolan, churns out blockbusters like Mattel churns out plastic dolls.
One such doll, Barbie, is the star of this film and an American institution launched in 1959 whose instantly recognizable brand floods the hallways of countless stores. Some might view the film as cynical commercialism—this two-hour showcase definitely won’t hurt sales—but, that opinion is reductive. The opening scene alone defies expectations and reminds us of the exceptional talent behind the camera, including co-writer Noah Baumbach, who’s even more ‘indie’ than Gerwig, and both her creative and romantic partner.
You may not know the people behind the camera, but you do know the star in front of it. Possessing otherworldly beauty (narrator Helen Mirren has a killer line about this) and exceptional acting skills, Margot Robbie’s casting is a no-brainer, which is ironic considering how inclusive the cast is; dozens of Barbies inhabit Barbieland, composed of various races, body types and gender identities. That goes for the Kens as well. But, Robbie plays Stereotypical Barbie, a crucial aspect of the story that the film makers stress often, mainly to highlight a standard that impressionable, vulnerable young people experience so often.
And so, the perfect Barbie played by the perfect actor lives a perfect life in a hot pink utopian society where the Barbies hold all positions of power while the Kens, including Beach Ken (a priceless Ryan Gosling), chill at the beach and try, unsuccessfully, to woo the ladies. The nonchalance of Barbie’s rebuff of Ken speaks volumes about this social hierarchy. Robbie’s Barbie has a daily routine, executed as if a child were controlling her, rituals that include sipping from an empty cup and floating from bedroom to driveway because what child would walk her doll down every stair?
This occurs on a meticulously constructed set, realized by designers Sarah Greenwood and Katie Spencer. Built on a solid foundation of whimsy and charm, this community—whose geographic and temporal relationship with the ‘real world’ wisely is left ambiguous—is the product of stunning practical effects in place of tempting CGI. Like in recent films, interestingly, such as Beau is Afraid and Asteroid City, the set resembles a colourful diorama, at once fantastical and tactile. It’s a world of make-believe you can otherwise almost reach out and touch, just like the toys that inspired it.
But toys don’t have sudden preoccupations with mortality like Barbie does during a dance number, handled with perfect comedic timing by Robbie. She’s also horrified by newly flat feet and patches of cellulite. It’s around this point when the story shows it has more on its mind than just brand promotion. That trend continues as Barbie consults Weird Barbie (the delightfully weird Kate McKinnon) who’s an outcast yet the wisest of them all. Lurching about, contorting herself and giving those big-eyed, alien-like looks that McKinnon has mastered, she tells Barbie to find the girl who’s controlling her in the real world.
With Ken stowing away in Barbie’s convertible, the two arrive in Los Angeles’s Venice Beach, enveloped in neon spandex. There’re some standard fish-out-of-water moments played for laughs, sure, but Gerwig and Baumbach also use this framework to explore a myriad of social issues with the same amount of fervor used to entertain. After being ogled relentlessly at the beach, Barbie is cat-called by some construction workers, but that cliché is subverted as Barbie simply and unexpectedly explains that she lacks genitalia. It’s brilliant.
As with Gerwig’s previous films, it’s difficult to pin down a specific message; she explores numerous issues and isn’t one to tie things up in a neat little package. The stories have feminist underpinnings, but they’re never reduced to simple dichotomies like ‘women are good/men are evil’. Yes, men are portrayed as misogynists occasionally or embody corporate greed in the case of the idiotic Mattel executives led by a pompous Will Ferrell as the CEO. We also see the dangers of an impressionable air head like Ken learning of the patriarchy and introducing its flaws to Barbieland, hopefully bringing attention to how insufferable bro culture can be. Yet, Gerwig’s brand of feminism is sympathetic to male struggles too, especially toward the end, even if much of their behaviour is rightly judged.
Mattel isn’t even immune from judgment; the writers get away with a surprising amount aimed at the company, specifically regarding their toys’ negative influence on body image and self- esteem. For a film maker to resist the pressures of both studio executives and the heads of the represented brand, especially with the huge stakes of a blockbuster production, is truly remarkable and a testament to the audacity of Gerwig who’s unwilling to sacrifice her artistic integrity. Mattel also deserves some credit for acknowledging their shortcomings and vowing to do better. Everyone wins here.
That includes the audience, most importantly. Not only are we treated to hilarious, candy-coloured entertainment, but we’re given a smart film for adults that kids will also enjoy and whose insight will benefit both. It challenges corporate power, the patriarchy, beauty standards and stereotypes while promoting inclusion, autonomy and self-confidence, mostly in creative and entertaining ways though, occasionally, unlike Gerwig’s previous films, a bit too overtly if not altogether preachy. America Ferrera, with a soulful and honest performance as the Mattel employee Gloria, gives a tirade about society’s ridiculous expectations of women; it’s hard to refute her argument, but the delivery feels too familiar in this otherwise unique experience.
It’s an experience that relies heavily on its two leads, both marvellous. Gosling eschews his usual dead-eyed intensity for a relaxed turn as a lovable nitwit and does so effortlessly (no offence). It’s Robbie’s (Barbie) world, however, and we’re all just accessories. The roll is deceptively complex, requiring an actor with more than just beauty to be at once effervescent and existentially preoccupied. Both her performance and the story are capped off with one final word that recalls a line (also the final one) by Nicole Kidman in Eyes Wide Shut, appropriate considering Barbie begins with an explicit reference to another Stanley Kubrick masterpiece. It’s a word that Robbie announces with aplomb when it would otherwise be whispered with embarrassment; a word she wields like a weapon, charging forward into a new life in the name of unapologetic femininity.
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
11-MechanicBrunt:
I don't know if that's their official ship name(what else would it be, MechaniCoach?) but they're neat anyway. They were each other's wife. The little we see from them, I loved it. The way Brunt was the only faculty member that actually liked The Mechanic and wanted her to be a part of the faculty is just so cute. They are two tough ladies who are soft for each other and only each other. I just love imagining the fact they they solve every single fight with an arm wrestling battle. They deserved more screentime.
12-OtterMoose:
Again, not sure if that's the official ship name for Otter Man and Moose Boy but they are legit. Forgettable, but when you remember them, you ship it. Just like Red Crackle and Spin Kick and Fly Trap, OtterMoose is a cheaper version of Jeantonio. They also don't have that much of screen time but Jeantonio works in all its forms and variations so it wouldn't be different with this version of Jeantonio.
13-PaperCarm:
I thought their official ship name was Red Star, ngl. Anyway, that's another one I thought wouldn't rank this high up but here we are. If these two could pull an "enemies" then work together for the same side adding "to lovers" they would be unbeatable and would win every single little time. No exceptions. It wouldn't be hard for them to find common ground since they have a lot in common and It's noticeable, and if the other goes to the partner's side, I can definitely see it working. Of course we know none of them is switching sides, but the tension is still there. Another IT couple vibes. I can imagine Shadowsan being done with their relationship and them just laughing at his face and keep dating anyway because they don't follow rules and can do whatever the hell they want. They are the most badass girlies alive so it's only natural we imagine how them as a couple would feel like and the off the charts competition would make it amazing and fun to watch.
14-MimeTiger:
Once again I don't know if that's their ship name but Mime Bomb and Tigress is a fun idea. Back in class days Black Sheep was Gray's partner, El Topo was Le Chevre's partner so it's only natural we think of Mime Bomb and Sheena as partners, since they are the only ones left of the part of that specific class we know. They just pass that vibe of "if you were my husband I would poison your food, coffee, tea or whatever" "If you were my wife I would eat/drink it" which I know it's kinda toxic but considering their characters it seems cohesive, at least it feels like it would be for a little while. I don't see them officially dating but maybe making out without commitment again. It's fun to imagine the possibilities of them mocking each other and just having overall moments.
15-Tiggray:
Yes, it stands for Tigress and Gray. Okay, just hear me out:I have a headcanon that Sheena had a little crush on Gray. They were side by side at Coach Brunt's presentation and I just can imagine it perfectly:They start having a small talk chit chat, maybe flirted a little(Sheena is blonde with light eyes, she probably reminded Gray a little from Australian girls, like queens Margot Robbie, Cate Blanchett, Nicole Kidman, Naomi Watts, Samara Weaving, Toni Collette, Angourie Rice, Teresa Palmer, Elizabeth Debicki, Abbie Cornish, Claire Holt, Teagan Croft and so many other australians with those characteristics), and bold Sheena wants a new toy to play with and Gray is her new found target. Not because she actually likes him, she just wants to have him to use. Own him and then go for another one after. She wants him to fall for her but doesn't want to fall in love for him back. Then, Black Sheep intimidates Gray. Gray is intrigued and his attention is no longer at Sheena, one of(not the only reason of course) the reasons she didn't like Black Sheep. At that scene, Sheena doesn't look at Black Sheep, she looks at Gray, seemingly analyzing his reaction to what Black Sheep was doing, looking jealous. Then at the dorm scene, Gray calls Sheena "Princess", like reminding her he didn't forget about her, and tells her to stop messing with Black Sheep's stuff and she immeadiately does as he said. I can't imagine she stopping if Antônio or Jean Paul said it. Also, from their class time, as Jeantonio were probably already living in their own little fairytale world, her rivalry with Black Sheep was blooming and Mime Bomb was being "the quiet kid", Gray seemed like the one Tigress hated the least from her class. When they graduate, Sheena pulls him by the arm to "sit at the big kids table". She clearly wanted him there. With her, instead of Black Sheep. Gray and Black Sheep being close/best friends, would only make Tigress's goal even more suitable for her. She would not only have Gray but also upset her rival, Black Sheep. She also could view him as a way of getting to Black Sheep's nerve. Also, the novel and the unreleased scenes footages show that Gray accidentaly called her Tigress and she kept it. Gray literally gave Tigress her code name. Gray is one of the reasons why Tigress is...well, herself. All of their interactions combined together could mean this or she actually liked Gray a little bit but seeing he's not interested she grew out of this, which would actually make them kinda cute if Gray reciprocated. They would be a power couple in a multiverse out there. They hold the potential of an interesting narrative but not the best, so their position here sounds fitting for them.
16-Zarulia:
Zari and Julia only worked together for a short while but you can tell they are competent at their jobs. They would be A.C.M.E.'s IT Couple if they were a thing. They are a little low because we don't see much of them but I really wish we had.
17-Julivy:
This one, they have little to no interaction but the idea of them amuses me. Based on her characters, I think they could be an interesting pair. Now that they are both co-workers at A.C.M.E. they could actually be something. Take the time to see where it goes, y'know? Maybe they wouldn't date in this super serious relationship but who knows? I think they could be kinda cute together.
18-Cari:
Zari and Carmen would be two girlbosses and I love that for them. The best vigilante with the best A.C.M.E. agent(yes Zari is that, I said what I said, sue me). I wish we could have gotten more of them, even in friendship terms.
#carmen sandiego#carmen sandiego 2019#netflix#carmen sandiego netflix#ship ranking#ship rankings#mechanicbrunt#ottermoose#papercarm#mimetiger#tigray#julivy
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
I saw 3 films on the plane to Athens, Greece, and since I woke up in the middle of the night here in Naxos, let me give you some thoughts:
1. Barbie—honestly, I thought it was awful. It fails on nearly every barometer—conceptually it made no sense, and while I know little to nothing about the Barbie universe, it seemed very dishonest in terms of its examination of its source material. The beginning ode to Planet of the Apes about mothers and baby dolls-huh? Why is there a “bigger Barbie” and why is weird Barbie like 40 and looks like she’s 60? (I understand there were some Barbie variations later on with older and career-oriented characters, but still?) Aren’t we supposed to examine a world in which Barbie is a thin white blonde Cali teenager with a stereotypical surfer boyfriend, where there’s maybe one (or two) black best friends (Christie? Later Grace?) just like in the typical Hallmark movie, which by the way, are still being made and mostly still dominated by the same racial and sexual formulas? Is there actually an Asian Ken? And I still don’t understand why stereotypical Barbie had to go into the real world to see why she suddenly had feelings—because a real world girl was having problems? And which problems? The real world girl ends up being a know-it-all over-educated Cali teenager (a Hispanic one—triumph!). Even from a feminist perspective, I felt it failed. Okay, so the Barbie world is supposedly ruled by women, while the real world is supposedly ruled by men, and Ken has a euphoria moment when he goes into the real world. Both are highly exaggerated and utterly ridiculous, but even so, I don’t see what it has to say about sex relations that isn’t obvious. And while the America Ferrara speech about double standards about women was spot on, wouldn’t it have been even more subversive to have Ken rant about all the double standards that exist for men (like for example, how society expects us to be aggressive, insensitive and dominant, and then punishes us when we are?). Instead, it’s all just typical, dumbed down stuff for the “universal” audience. Which brings me to why this film was so high-grossing, despite being utterly boring, badly made and intellectually idiotic (even sadder because I really liked Gerwig’s previous film Lady Bird). For the same reason they are making Total Recall remakes—because people are drawn to brands and what they are familiar with. The more original Margot Robbie vehicle Babylon, meanwhile, though also sourced from typical silent movie world info, was an utter flop. Maybe it is time to stop watching overly-marketed movies.
2. American Fiction—this was much different than what I expected, but in its own way, very dishonest too. It was more of a family story about a wealthy African-American man from an upper crust New England family who needs to make sacrifices while dealing with a series of family crises. To get money he creates a “ghetto” black book that suddenly sells, versus his literary books, which are only known to literary circles and marketed in African American Studies sections simply because he’s a black author (this part is funny and spot-on). This is a side narrative, but utterly untrue to reality. Black books that go “Ghetto” these days (and for the past 20 years or so) are immediately shoved into the Urban Fiction section of a highly regimented publishing industry and are unpublishable except to be self-published or distributed by Urban Fiction labels. They certainly would not get this kind of interest from the major publishing industry. The one exception to this is Junot Diaz (remember there can only be ONE), and that’s only because he became big in the 1990s, when we had a real indie grit lit sphere, with Sapphire etc. Yes, this whole scenario could have been plausible in the 1990s and very early 2000s, when indie lit authors had agents and were working through the now bogus traditional model (only reserved for the upper class, apparently), and the original book Erasure (2001) was published by Graywolf (and is nearly impossible to get now because of this) but it’s utterly untrue now. The celebrated black authors are upper crust Colson Whitehead, he of Black Sag Harbor vintage, or people who rant about (and make boatloads of money and endorsements through) anti-racism and reparations platforms. Otherwise, to have a “black” lit book published you have to be a well-educated Nigerian, and God help you if you are born in America! “Ghetto” black authors, subjects and books continue to be discriminated against, despite the fact that they actually depict (if in a steretypical way) the majority of the black experience today. In fact, the class and race dichotomy is worse than ever! Even my own book, Good Americans, a short story collection, won an award in the Urban Fiction category (because it has the “n” word in it?) but bombed in all the short story categories, because it dares to explore the class divide. And my ambitious new book Bad Americans seemed doomed to self-publishing for the same reasons.
3. The Holdovers—this was by far the best film structurally and in terms of impact, although not at all original. It’s the typical story about a teacher stuck with wayward students over a school break and how two become close despite their differences and of course there’s the black cook too, and isn’t it nice that there’s no racism mentioned except that her kid was the only one who died in Vietnam. We learn things about the teacher and we can ponder what being a good teacher means and about the nature of honor and dishonor. At least it was coherent and somewhat moving, unlike almost everything else being produced today.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Fantabulous Comeback of Harley Quinn
“Behind every great man is a badass broad!”
Birds of Prey: And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn follows the iconic antiheroine: Harley Quinn, as she navigates life after finally leaving her abusive and dependent ex, Joker. Unlike her previous fetishized depiction in Suicide Squad, Harley is no longer hyper-sexualized through the male gaze. Instead, the sequel consists of a female-fronted team, of all ages, races, and sexual orientations. Thus, the film is shown through both a female and queer gaze. It intentionally and unapologetically subverts the male gaze, but in an authentic way by focusing on the relationship between the five female characters. From cinematography to characterization, Birds of Prey quite literally said “fuck you” to Suicide Squad and completely reconstructed the gaze, surpassing its predecessor in every way possible.
Perhaps the most circulated image of Harley Quinn, is Margot Robbie stripping her clothes in Suicide Squad in an overtly sexual manner, shamelessly catering to the male gaze. It is interesting to note how only Harley had an undressing scene as her male counterparts stared in desire. Her body is constantly objectified by the camera through closeups of her bare body, almost never focusing on the face.
In Birds of Prey, a similar scene of undressing occurs, except this time, the cinematography does not objectify the female victim. The villain of the film, Black Mask, forces a man to undress a woman in public, with spectators all over. Instead of the camera closing in and panning on the undressed body, the cinematography focuses on the horrified face of the woman, and those around her. It reveals the villain’s nature without the expense of sexualizing the female victim. It doesn’t glorify rape culture like most, if not all, scenes of assaults on women do. Instead, the film accentuates the sheer pain and horror women feel when being sexually harassed or assaulted. And with that, a message to all male directors: it’s really not that difficult to show violence against women without sexualizing them.
In Suicide Squad, Harley was only seen through the views of others, but in Birds of Prey, she narrates her own story, displaying her independence and fun personality without being sexualized, or de-sexualized. The spectrum of women in superhero films is often either innocent and cute or overly sexualized and mischievous. Character development is non-existent. God forbid women are allowed to be complex and flawed. Relentlessly, Birds of Prey addresses this and seeks to set a new spectrum for women to exist outside of male desires. This is also seen in the characterization of men. The men, including the villains, are not all displayed in a “macho” or “manly” style. Instead of the sexualization of their ab muscles, we see their reserved personalities. Men actually show emotions (one even cries) in this film! They don’t have to be unemotional or bold, they can be calculating and resourceful – something apparently only women can be.
Moving on to the most obvious difference – Harley Quinn’s fantabulous ‘I-need-no-man’ makeover. Previously, Harley’s appearance in Suicide Squad is truly voyeuristic-scopophilia come to life, fetishized beyond belief. Thankfully she now sports colorful, and playful, outfits that put comfort above all. Yes, it is still revealing but it is evidently a creative choice made by Harley herself, reflecting her explosive personality. Instead of wearing lingerie to sexily fight (sorry boys), she can now comfortably kill in t-shirts and pants.
Finally, slipping in my favorite scene when Harley offers a hair tie to Black Canary mid-fight, I thought to myself: “this is it... this is what it is to be a woman.” As a woman, this is the ultimate form of solidarity. A small but powerful act that I’m sure all women have experienced. Truly, this is a film made by women, about women, for women.
Birds of Prey flips the switch from Suicide Squad, and introduces a new Harley Quinn: no longer Joker’s property, she becomes fiery, vibrant, and most importantly, an individual woman. Yes, she still has faults, and sure, she has brutally tortured and killed many, but it is precisely this freedom of flaws that breaks stereotypes and solidifies Birds of Prey as a superior woman’s film.
#harley quinn#birds of prey#film review#birds of prey and the fantabulous emancipation of one harley quinn
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
barbie movie review
it was incredible. the color symbolism was especially on point. the scene with the old lady had me tearing up. america ferrera and margot robbie slayed as always. allan was the mvp of the show. it was funny but it had depth.
but i hated the ending (spoilers ahead):
now, my problem with the ending was when the men ask “can you make half the supreme court be male then?” and are asking for equality. when president barbie said “no but” i thought she was going to say “we can vote on it”, thus establishing a movement towards greater democracy and equality. instead she tells them they can have lower court judges and we’re informed that “men now have the same amount of power as women do in our world” which i feel subverts at least a third of the messaging of the movie by basically saying “we’ve improved a little, but barbieland still has toxic femininity instead of toxic masculinity which is better because women are better! :)” which frustrated me. as a woman, i really identified with ken at the beginning, because he was in the same spot as we are. i obviously hated the middle, but i thought the end would have equality instituted in their utopia, but it wasn’t. that made me mad.
also ken having self discovery was super important but i also wanted him to have a different Barbie he ended up with at the end because yes he wanted to be noticed but he also wanted to be loved. his arc ending felt slightly incomplete and underdone as a result of it.
really a lot of the way ken was written frustrated me. i feel like everyone else had great characterization except him. like ryan did an incredible job with what he had, but the writing was subpar. i don’t think the arc should have had a different trajectory—the way it subverted your run of the mill villain arc while still including the redemption was one of my favorite things with the movie—i just think it was underdeveloped and they should have done a better job at the female-equivalent in barbieland.
anyways, if you’ve seen it lmk ur thoughts on this
9 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
ye3llow
Olskool~Newlife
awesomegloriamae
Every Day Inspiration
maple-notes
dot docx
vasia-livsh
я-рэпер
halloweentrickortreat
cozy corner