#my taste in fictional characters continues to be horrendous | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stxleslyds · 3 years

Text

MY TOUGHTS ON PART TWO OF RED HOOD BY CHIP ZDARSKY :)

A DC BOOK THAT TASTES LIKE MARVEL.

You know when you are reading a book and you feel like the story you are reading seems familiar but not really within the context you are reading it at the moment? If you can’t shake the wrong sense of familiarity you search for what it probably the biggest give away, the author.

Here it’s something like that; I have read other pieces of Chip Zdarsky’s work, namely Daredevil. While I could tell you the familiarity is there, in the subject of guilt after taking the life of another person, the reality is that this book doesn’t taste like Daredevil, it tastes like Marvel.

That can be either an excellent thing (because Marvel has amazing books) or something terrible (because DC isn’t Marvel and they don’t work the same way).

As of now I can’t really tell if this Red Hood story is going to be one or the other, but I can tell you that it feels out of place in the DC universe, or at least that’s how I see it. I will explore this particular thought later, I just thought this was a nice way to open this post.

If you would like to read the first post I made about this book I will leave the link here!

Now…let’s begin.

Part two picks up exactly where part one left off, we see Jason calling Oracle so she can bring the police to the place where Jason killed Andy a.ka. that gigantic piece of shit.

Jason is having some thoughts, ones that I think are important.

“I have taken lives before, a lot of them. I have killed guys knowing nothing about them except that they had guns and murder in their hearts. Those ones are easy; I don’t have to think of their mothers getting the news or of kids being...”

Jason is troubled. He is now in front of a reality that he never truly thought about but to be honest with you I strongly believe that nobody in the DC universe thinks beyond what happens in front of them, that’s just how fictional comic worlds are designed.

Anyway, there is a little something that bothers me in this inner monologue of his, like since when have “murderers” been Jason’s actual target? Like Joker was his target but he didn’t kill him, the base of Jason’s morals when it comes to killing has always been drugs, most importantly if you sell drugs to kids. So unless he is saying “murderers” because they were selling drugs that caused people (especially kids) to overdose then I don’t really get what is going on.

Another thing that I also talked about in the first post is that Jason hasn’t killed in a very long time, this man has been sticking to the Bats rule for so long that it’s actually unreal. Even when he shot the penguin and Batman proceeded to almost beat Jason to death the penguin hadn’t died. So once again I am thinking that Zdarsky has some info that he is not sharing right now or maybe he just didn’t read Lobdell's run (in which case, can you really blame him?)

Now let me talk about the other part of his monologue “…I don’t have to think of their mothers getting the news or of kids being...” This is something that I haven’t seen in DC, direct consequences after a hero/vigilante does something, and let me tell you it feels out of place. Is it a good or bad thing? I don’t really know but I have some thoughts on the subject.

I think it's unfair to put a comic character in that situation or dilemma. Jason has basically three reactions to the same situation and they are all valid, but can this situation be handled by a fictional person in a fictional world? Because to be fair I could also ask about the criminals that are put in hospitals after they are beat up by heroes, what if they die in the hospital? Is the hero a killer or does it fall on the hospital? If a criminal cannot pay for the attention given to them in hospitals and they immediately go back to criminal activity to pay for those things, are heroes a good thing? If the Joker bombs a hospital for the third time in four months and Batman does the same thing (take joker to Arkham) only for Joker to escape and do it again, is Batman as guilty as the Joker for the deaths of innocent people or not?

As I wrote it and as I read it again I see that it is a crazy thought because you can simply add more depth to the characters decisions and the consequences that would ensue because of them, but Gotham is a fictional city created to establish that crime is off the charts and that they need Batman because no amount of resources will be able to fix this city’s problems. So putting Jason in this position is new to me…but only in DC (more of this particular thought below).

Going back to the comic in question, I feel like Jason had the answers and the ideas all in his head. In this issue alone he basically says that if the mother does not pull through the boy will be alone, but alone means going into the system (a horrible system that Jason does not trust and needs improvement), but also, Jason recognizes that if the mother died and the father was left alive then that man would have done horrendous stuff. I just simply wouldn't believe that a man that gave drugs to both his wife and son so they wouldn't bother him is just going to change after realizing that his wife died because of him. Even less believable is him becoming an amazing father.

In the big scheme of things, Jason has killed people who fitted very certain characteristics, never innocents (bye, Morrison). What happens after the killing is done? We don’t know because past stories have never focused on that (criminals in comics are by default one dimensional, villains are not)

But here is the thing, Zdarsky is a Marvel writer and Marvel has gone in depth within those situations (like what happens after heroes commit mistakes or kill someone) mostly with Civil War by Mark Millar and more recently in Daredevil written by Chip Zdarsky, but DC hasn't and DC has been plain for a long time, DC doesn't really explain how batman hurts people severely and nothing happens beyond that.

What I am trying to say is that Zdarsky is going for a different and unique route for Jason here but I think the story is out of place in the DC universe.

I promise I am done with those thoughts, they were really difficult to put on paper and to make them make sense, so I apologize if I only confused you, sorry!

Anyway! After the monologue is done we have a flashback where little Jason is being told by his mother to go buy bread (the only thing they can afford) but she is also making him leave so he doesn’t have to be present when Robby (a friend if you ask Jason’s mom, a drug dealer if you ask Jason) comes to the apartment to help her.

Sadly as Jason is leaving Robby is walking up the stairs, now not to copy little Jason but fuck Robby. Jason’s issues with drugs, drug dealing and overdosing is once again shown here but what is also shown is the violence that comes with it. Jason being terrified for himself (and his mother) as Robby pulls a knife on him broke my heart and as he is left there in the corridor to his apartment all we can see is a defeated little boy and that shit hurts a lot.

After that we jump back to the future with none other than Batgod…I mean Batman. Batman is following a man called Sydney and apparently he disappointed Batman because B told him to stop being a criminal, like come on man if I ask nicely or if I break both of your arms you will surely stop, right? Yeah, no.

I feel like I mentioned something about this while my brain decided that DC never usually explains what happens with criminals after they get caught or killed and now here we are. Consequences. Batman scares a man off of working for Scarecrow but the man still needs to work (does he have a family to provide for? We don’t know. Does he do it because it’s the only job he can get? We don’t know.)

This Batman intermission ends up with Oracle telling him that Jason might be in trouble.

So we find ourselves back with Jason and Tyler in his safe house, Zdarsky does not hesitate and first thing he does is give us a couple of very angsty panels.

I love the way it hurts.

Jason honey, my sweet chonky boy…what are you doing?

Well at least I am not the only one asking that because Jason is having a moment to reflect about what has happened, what is happening and what could happen in the future. In this monologue he says the following:

“Dammit, Jason, what the hell are you doing? You can’t take care of this kid! But you can’t put him in the system either! Just waiting for some obsessed militaristic billionaire to adopt him? Dammit. His dad was scum, he hurt Tyler, he hurt his mom. But if Tyler’s mom doesn’t pull through…I just made this kid an orphan. He is my responsibility, he is too young to really see what he’s gone through, he can still be saved…unlike…”

Yeah that’s some really angsty thoughts, he is really going through it and I understand it. He lost his cool after what that horrible human being said he did and killed him and now he has to face the consequences of his actions, he recognizes that if the boy is left truly alone he will have to step up…but here is the thing, does Jason really want that? It seems to me like Jason is deeply against the idea of children working as heroes, and here he is as an adult that is a vigilante with an impressionable child that sees the Red Hood as his hero, I don’t know, it looks like the perfect recipe for a disaster.

But we don’t get to see what Jason does right away because its flashback time.

Jason only moved from his spot in the corridor of his apartment door to get the bread but as Robby comes out of said door Jason is there waiting. Robby teases that he and Jason’s mom ended up sharing the “medicine” and that she will be sleeping for a long time, and that seems to be it for Jason because next thing you know Robby is falling down the stairs.

Aw, shit.

Jason from the future continues his monologue while he remembers what happened on those stairs.

“I never had a chance, not for one second. But he does, Tyler has a chance. I can help him, help him be okay. This doesn’t…what I did…what his parents did, it doesn’t have to define him.”

So Jason wants to make things right for Tyler so he doesn’t become like Jason. Now I don’t truly know what Zdarsky is going for but I will go for the unconscious route, little Jason pushed Robby (that fucker) down the stairs and he was left unconscious there.

In Jason’s eyes Tyler is still a good kid that deserves only the best (like you Jason, please don’t think so low about yourself) and that can be saved from a life of vengeance, justice and trauma. But whatever Jason was going to actually say to Tyler we don’t know because Tyler informs Jason that through the Red Hood mask there is someone telling him that Batman is coming.

Batman appears out of nowhere as he does and starts talking shit.

Honestly Batman what is with that “not my town” bullshit? Baby this isn’t the medieval times, you are not a king and as far as I know not only is Lucius Fox richer than you but so is Dick so sit your ass down and shut the fuck up.

Luckily Jason is giving the outstanding amount of zero fucks and tells Batman exactly what he needs to be told, sadly Jason’s big brain time doesn’t last long because he absolutely loses his cool and starts a fight. So you know what that means, monologue time!

“This was a mistake, but I can’t help myself, he gets under my skin. His sanctimony, he acts like he’s God, all knowing, all seeing when really…he’s just another failed parent.”

Amen. Jason knows many languages but he chose to speak facts.

As the monologue ends Batman is standing over Jason like he is about to murder him but no such thing happens because Tyler, who was quietly watching them fight, jumps in to protect Jason. Yep, there goes my heart, goodbye.

And this is it. The issue ends with Tyler putting an end to the fight and telling batman that he has to leave the Red Hood alone because he is a good guy. Jason of course is thankful and promises that everything is fine.

I don’t know about you guys but so far I can’t say if I like the book or not. Both parts left me with mixed feelings. I obviously want to see how it ends but I honestly think that there is only one way this story can end with a happy ending, which I think it would be Tyler going back to his mom and Jason somehow working to help her with her drug addiction, maybe even have Dick involved so he can help them economically.

Things that I surely do not want to see are Jason backing down again and limiting himself to the Bats rules. I also absolutely don’t want Zdarsky to go all Geoff Johns on us and make Jason think that he should give up the Red Hood mantle.

Jason really needs to gain his confidence back, he was smart, calculated and strategic and now they have taken those things away to accentuate his “daddy issues” and “inferiority complex”. Why the quotation marks you ask? Oh, because those things are bullshit and there is no room for those things in Jason’s characterization other than to add more angst to the plot.

Let me know how you felt about the issue and my review! Are you excited about what the four next issues are going to bring to the story?

Also if you read Marvel, did this issue taste like Marvel to you too or am I going crazy?

#Jason Todd #red hood #red hood outlaw #batman: urban legends #batman urban legends #infinite frontier #DC comics #robin

35 notes · View notes

marshmallowgoop · 4 years

Text

Kill la Kill Does Not Have a Happy Ending.

Finally completing the story mode in Kill la Kill the Game: IF has inspired me to make GIFs again, so I’ve been listening to and/or watching more video essays than usual lately.

What can I say? Editing GIFs when you don’t have fancy programs is... a little bit tedious. It’s nice to shove your attention towards something else while you paste the same text onto 100 different layers.

But anyway, there’s this bit at the end of Lindsay Ellis’s “Woke Disney” video that got me thinking:

Ellis: Are you that guy in that Onion article that always likes to bring up that John Lennon beat his wife?

Mostly, I got to thinking about my feelings regarding the popular fall 2013 anime Kill la Kill... and how endlessly, endlessly salty I am about its conclusion.

“Am I that guy?” I wondered. “Do I get some kind of sick joy out of telling people who loved and resonated with this silly show’s finale that no, actually, what we got was an absolute tragedy?”

And my questions for myself didn’t stop there. “Why do I feel the need to rain on everyone’s parade?” I thought. “Why am I such a party pooper about all this?”

In the end, I don’t know if I have a good answer. But I do have reasons for my constantly reiterated salt, and they basically boil down to this:

✄ Killing one character so that another can undergo character development, or to signify maturity, is a common storytelling trope... but that doesn’t mean that it’s a good storytelling trope, even if it “makes sense” or “works.”

✄ Though much of its content was cut from the final show, early ideas for Senketsu’s character involve a heavy oppression narrative much in the same vein as other Kazuki Nakashima-written anime like Promare and Brand New Animal, and elements from those concepts are clearly present in the finished anime. Senketsu is told repeatedly that he’s a monster and no good for Ryuko, Ryuko is initially embarrassed to be seen with him because of how society will perceive her for it, and Senketsu’s arc is one of self-love. He’s not just an object; he’s a person, and his thoughts and feelings matter. Everyone can hear his voice in the end because he realizes this. To kill a character who is demonized and “othered,” whose growth is about respecting himself and understanding that he has worth, is not at all a happy ending or what’s “best.”

✄ Senketsu is not a wise mentor figure nor a replacement father for Ryuko; he is constantly emphasized to be her equal and partner and literally has no life experience to guide anyone with, his eyepatch has been stated by show staff to exist because it’s supposed to symbolize that he still has room to grow (just like Ryuko!), and a “man” showing a woman love and respect does not automatically mean that he’s her parent, especially when their relationship has a level of intimacy that would be horrendously uncomfortable between a father and a daughter.

Ryuko, to Senketsu: Nah, it’s cool. It’s not like ya cheated on me or anything.

✄ Similarly, Senketsu is his own person. Ryuko growing close to Senketsu is not her growing close to her late father. It’s her growing close to a friend who has been thrown into the same cruel situation that she’s been thrown into. Senketsu does not deserve to die for Isshin’s sins. Someone who has not lived even a year does not deserve to die purely because he was created by a man who had a strained relationship with his daughter.

✄ For a series to consistently stress that two people from different groups can get along and love each other, even when the entire world tells them they can’t, and then end by saying that one is actually better off without the other... is both a contradictory message and one that, intended or no, smells a little like an argument against diversity.

Of course, I recognize that this all sounds very dramatic. And I assure you, I understand that I am the most dramatic.

But I believe in the power of stories. I think they’re important. I think the messages they send and the arguments they make, and how these messages and arguments are interpreted by audiences, say a lot about our world—and this is particularly true when it comes to stories as widespread and discussed as Kill la Kill!

So, when I see gushing about how happy the ending of this ridiculous anime is? That Senketsu absolutely had to die because he’s nothing more than a metaphor for menstruation or puberty? That he’s a parent, and adults have to let go of their parents eventually, so there was no other narrative choice but for him to kick the bucket? That it’s “for the best” that he goes because something like him could never have a place in the newly peaceful world?

Well. I find it all hurtful. Incredibly so.

There are certainly valid complaints and criticisms about fantasy depictions of “otherness,” and it’s certainly a valid critique to find the reason behind Senketsu’s eyepatch—that it’s meant to represent how he’s “still imperfect, with room for improvement and evolution”—dishearteningly ableist. But Senketsu’s story and growth with Ryuko are a lot of what make Kill la Kill so important to me. To see these two young adults finding themselves, as equals and partners, when people can’t stop telling them that they should be enemies? To see them ultimately save the world together with their friendship and love? It’s why I’m writing any of this at all. It’s why I’ve ever written anything about this series ever.

At the end of the day, I’m not here to tell anyone that their interpretations of a fictional story are “wrong” or that mine are “right.” Nobody is a “bad person” for how they read a television series, and it’s completely fair for anyone to find my own interpretations of this show and its conclusion offensive, too.

But to answer my initial questions, I don’t talk about my discontent with the ending of Kill la Kill and its most agreed-upon readings because I get a rush out of telling others that it’s sad. I talk about my discontent because I don’t think the harmful implications I see should be ignored.

I don’t like seeing the assertion that the death of a character who is repeatedly referred to in canon material as Ryuko’s “precious partner” is “for the best.” I don’t like that the Kamui Bansho, the official Kill la Kill guidebook, literally describes Senketsu as Ryuko’s “one and only ‘partner,’” and yet there’s the argument that he’s nothing more than a metaphor, a father who has power over Ryuko and must die to let her live on her own. I don’t like how writer Nakashima outright states in that same guidebook, “You could say that Kill la Kill tells the story of a lonely young woman meeting and losing an irreplaceable partner,” that the Word-of-God explanation for Senketsu’s death is that it bookends the story, that Toshihiko Seki, Senketsu’s voice actor, similarly describes the anime as a tale that begins from “the meeting of a lonely person (Ryuko) and a lonely existence (Senketsu),” and I don’t like that there’s almost anger when the ending in which this partner dies is accurately called a tragedy.

I don’t like the idea that someone who helped save the world would have no place in a time of peace because he’s “different.” I don’t like that a “man” being nice to a girl is construed as fatherly, especially when said “man” has hardly had a chance to live at all. I don’t like the sickly feeling I get that none of these arguments would be argued had Mako, Ryuko’s other precious partner, died instead. I don’t like the sickly feeling I get that a person’s physical appearance defines so much of their worth.

In the past, I’ve been chided for expressing my displeasure. “Stop playing the victim,” I was told, when I said I dislike the notion that Senketsu’s death is “for the best” because such a notion subtly communicates to me, an unattractive person, that an unattractive person dying is okay. A happy ending.

But I think it’s important to voice our displeasure with story decisions and the readings of them. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I want stories that are more respectful. I don’t want to constantly see characters who are “different” dying less than five minutes before the end, and I don’t want to constantly see the argument that this is “good” because they helped further another character’s growth. I want characters who are “different” to be able to continue growing with the people they love.

Will I be writing stories more to my taste myself? Absolutely. But maybe by talking about these things, I can help inspire others, too.

#kill la kill #senketsu #ryuko matoi #analysis #spoilers #klk spoilers #ramblings #shut up goop #klk ending salt #gifs i made #i hate this essay so much i spent like six hours trying to not make it a wall of text and managed to make it a wall of text anyway :P

31 notes · View notes

thattimdrakeguy · 5 years

Text

I like the current Teen Titans.

I been reading the latest issues of Teen Titans just out of curiosity, and I actually quite like them.

Since the first two issues of Teen Titans Rebirth were some of the worst comic issues I’ve ever read in my entire life. I mostly avoided Damian’s Teen Titans, including a team that’s actually his with friends of his own, but now that I’ve read a few issues of the latest ones. I actually really enjoyed them, mostly.

It’s nothing I’d pick up every month, because edgy stuff isn’t my tastes, but I appreciate how they have the characters actually react like how they would around Damian, and don’t force Damian to be out of characters every several moments just so he can be more “likable” or what ever they try that for.

(This is the most exaggerated case of it for reference. This comes during a big issue. It isn’t always this bad, so don’t worry. I mostly just thought the dramatic finger point mixed with Damian in chains and the bad art was really funny.)

To me it actually makes it more enjoyable, believable, and therefore easier to read because it doesn’t feel contrived half the time to force moments to happen rather than just making the moments what would happen.

Even if large chunks of the fandom (and certain DC writers) want to pretend otherwise, Damian is a violent edgy character.

The other day I reread those two issues in Superman were the Super Sons first met, just to see if I remembered it accurately, and it was so bad.

(I’m aware I talk bad about Super Sons a lot, but to really get why I like Teen Titans the way I do it needs context.)

Damian kidnapped and chemically sedated Jon so much he was practically temporarily paralyzed, he was going to let Jon fall off a mountain when he knew he couldn’t fly, and even swung an axe at Jon’s face.

Like if you don’t think that’s horrible stuff, you may be insane. Superman at first even reacts appropriately by being steaming pissed.

Then though, they just quickly ignore that to make a forced short joke that doesn’t actually make sense because Damian was never that short for his age before. They literally just randomly at times pretend otherwise because they want to deprecate him a bit to trick the audience into thinking he’s a cuter character.

Jon was literally horrified and beaten down a few moments ago. Besides his powers, he still has the personality of a normal 10 year old kid. A normal kid wouldn’t forget what just happened to him like it was nothing.

That happens right after Damian kidnapped and temporally chemically paralyzed Jon. Jon was horrified, why pretend he wasn’t all of a sudden?

After that they have Damian show Jon his animals. Something that’s just there to pander to that part of the fandom that regresses Damian into just an animal lover, even though Damian most likely wouldn’t suddenly talk about his animals to a person he considers to be a threat so bad that he actually kidnapped him to do experiments on him.

Why are they pretending Damian didn’t just kidnap and chemically paralyze Jon? Fiction is suppose to follow basic human logic, this doesn’t do that at all.

Damian even mocks Jon’s PTSD for that time Jon lost controlled and killed the family cat. Causing Jon to punch Damian in the gut, an understandable reaction, and then the parents come in (also understandably so), but then they play it like it’s comedic?

They play it as if they got caught sneaking out after bed time. Instead of getting into a full on highly physical fight because Damian Wayne brought up Jon Kent’s traumatic experience solely to mock him. That’s horrendous writing. It doesn’t follow the logic of human people at all. Or even the set up, because there’s no joke, but look at that last panel. Out of context, would you think what had just happened happened? Or would you expect something much more lighthearted instead?

Continuously they always just ignored stuff, or played Damian so out of character because they were afraid of him being unlikable.

ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT’S ACTUALLY GOING ON. Damian is punching Jon to the ground so he can use a sharp bladed axe against him as a weapon. This isn’t a “oh, kids will be kids” scuffle, the actual event is a life threatening altercation.

Stop trying to play these horrible things Damian does for comedy, and just ignoring basic human logic to force in humor were it doesn’t belong.

To do something like that is genuinely bad writing. It’s contrived and doesn’t let any of the character’s feel authentic, because they’re ignoring the blatant obvious in front of them.

(For context, this panel happens right before Damian swings a bladed weapon at Jon, but irregardless of that-)

-Damian didn’t truly develop as a character to warrant this. He’s clearly still a bad person to Jon. Why in the world would they be acting like this? He was still going to let Jon fall off a cliff earlier that day, and it’s also still blatantly ignoring Damian kidnapping and chemically paralyzing Jon in favor of pretending things are cuter and softer than the truth.

In the middle of the issue they shoved in this panel against it’s will.

It’s so out of place to me, because it doesn’t match up with anything build up at all, and doesn’t even match up with what happened after. They don’t like each other. Damian has constantly done massively horrible things to Jon.

Damian practically abuses Jon over the course over the entire day, and they have the gall, to force in some awful symbolism that “aww they’re going to get along”. It doesn’t match the characters, realistically that’ll never happen, it doesn’t even match the story they’ve told so far.

They clearly wanted this moment to be good and heart warming, but it just doesn’t work because it doesn’t blend with anything. It’s painfully contrived because it doesn’t work on any level at all.

The thing to me is though, you aren’t suppose to read Damian because you find him likable as a personality, you’re supposed to find him unique and interesting. How he’s unique is what’s suppose to make people like him as a character.

In Teen Titans lately it’s often that Damian gets crap for what he does, and they don’t suddenly cower out of it because they’re scared of him being unlikable. They just embrace who Damian is and it’s super refreshing.

See how they actually react like how they would instead of just ignoring it?

Almost the entirety of issue 34 is people calling out Damian for his personality and methods. They don’t just skim over it, and they don’t force in pandering garbage just to get some easy-bake points to hide their crummy writing.

They go for it, instead of holding back because they’re afraid of how Damian’s character may come off when he’s actually himself.

Instead of ignoring the obvious like so many pasts occasions with Damian, it’s actually treating these character’s like they’re real people and allowing them to react as they truly would in these situations depending on their various personalities.

Damian in Teen Titans actually acts like Damian, and people finally react to him like he’s actually done the stuff he’s done when they find out about his secret prison.

There isn’t constant Al Ghul flashbacks to excuse Damian’s behavior or woobify him more. If a character thinks Damian did a bad thing, they think he did a bad thing.

Some of them are bluntly aware that Damian is doing things a bad guy would do, and like a bad guy they don’t constantly go back to their origin like they should ignore his actions. The character’s are instead actually character’s that have character to them instead of having the brakes pulled on them all the time because the writer worried too much.

When ever a character backs Damian up or not it creates a character conflict instead of seeming forced or contrived.

I think this Teen Titans is actually what Damian needs, because it feels like the writer understands who Damian is, without being afraid of how Damian is.

They even have moments were you gotta wonder if Damian is sincere or not. Creating a intrigue around his character. Were it actually uses his character traits for some interesting moments and fascination.

Is he telling the truth?

It’s so much more satisfying of a read, when character’s act like themselves and things get reacted to as so.

They don’t have to constantly fake anything, or have a character act out of character when they do something to get what they want, because what they want is a naturally developing story.

You can argue that Damian goes farther than were Damian would go, but he’s always struggled with what’s right or wrong. It’s one of the main point of the character. He would do some messed up stuff if he thought it was the right thing. He isn’t a villain anymore, but anti-heroes do exist, and Damian, while I don’t believe he directly kills anyone, still falls under that territory, and he fits there magnificently.

It’s super edgy, and I’m not even a fan of edgy stuff naturally, but I think too many people in this part of the fandom connect edgy with bad, when that isn’t really the case. While it shouldn’t be the industry standard, the tone is simply what fits the character. Damian is an incredibly edgy character, and therefore this tone fits perfectly, because you don’t have to shove him into a round hole when he’s square, he’s square and this is the edgy square hole he belongs in, and it’s okay. Being edgy doesn’t make him or this comic bad.

The edginess is almost what makes it work since it’s the tone Damian as a natural character has.

Some people I’ve seen has said stuff like, “I don’t like Damian in Teen Titans, he’s much more likable in Super Sons or Detective Comics” and I just think they miss the point of Damian’ character.

To me, the standard should be writers writing the character’s to be in character. If Damian in a comic that treats him like himself makes you not like him, you should just not like him. Which is a weird way to put it, but DC’s incapability to get writers that care has caused situations like this that should have never been. It’s making it more difficult for fans to know if they like a character or not because sometimes the character comes off totally different under a worse writer.

The worst part of Teen Titans is the super ugly art style, Damian still being Robin, because honestly there’s no reason at all for him to be Robin, I understand he’s still young but from a character and story perspective he’s just better off not being Robin quite frankly, and Djinn being in a romance with Damian (I think?) and a crush for (this is her name) Crush. Seeing how she’s 4 thousand years old, and it’s seriously creepy that they’re trying to use a 4 thousand year old genie for an at least implied romance with teenagers.

It’s not the best comic ever, and most of the character’s won’t stick with me, but I appreciate it as a comic for Damian. It’s what he needs honestly.

I wouldn’t even classify it even close to the best Titans, but it’s me appreciating that the comic actually does it’s job.

#DC Comics #Superman #Teen Titans #Bruce Wayne #Batman #Clark Kent #I don't wanna type all their names cuz it's negative in some spots #Bat-Family #Bat-Fam #BatFamily #BatFam

102 notes · View notes

recentanimenews · 4 years

Text

Sympathy for the Devilman: The Legacy of Go Nagai's Magnum Opus

I've always had a thing for villains. Unlike my brothers, as a kid I'd always choose the "bad guy" action figures. If they went for the ninja turtle Leonardo, then I'd go for the uber-buff Super Shredder. I personally identified with villainy because of how it connected to the idea of "evil." I personally see evil as a generalized concept that expresses antagonism toward violent and dominant societal structures. Due to a coercive religious upbringing, I now see how my younger self unconsciously found ideologically-oppositional comfort in "evil" art. This eventually led me to one of my most cherished pieces of fiction: Devilman.

Devilman has left an indelible mark on manga and anime creators over the last few decades, inspiring major industry heavyweights such as Hideaki Anno, Kentaro Miura, and Kazuki Nakashima. The series was created by Go Nagai, a manga auteur also responsible for Mazinger Z, Cutie Honey, and Violence Jack (which is a Devilman sequel). Although Devilman retains much of the explicitness native to Go Nagai's usual fare, it uses these graphic elements uniquely to deliver a haunting, unforgettable, and compassionate message.

Let's explore the surprisingly relevant political and social significance of Devilman, along with a few of its animated offshoots. Read on but be forewarned, this article contains major spoilers!

Devilman (original manga, 1972)

via Seven Seas Entertainment

The Devilman manga is a dark antiwar narrative in deep contrast to the standard monster-of-the-day, "evil fights evil" set-up of the anime (which ran at the same time as the manga). Ryo Asuka — who turns out to be Satan, the leader of all demons — helps convince the world that anyone dissatisfied with the status quo could turn into a demon and needs to be killed. Every nation starts a war with each other, and Japan creates the "Demon Busters" to murder anyone suspected of being a demon. This plot twist is the most explicitly political angle in Devilman and a clear critique against the genocide of marginalized peoples. One page features a taste of the global hate brewing around the world: a collective white desire to murder Black communities, the renewal of German anti-Semitism, and hatred for any protestor. There are also many moments that display the horrors of historical genocide when Akira and Ryo travel through time.

Devilman builds additional nuance around this theme with Ryo's character. In the manga's final scene, Ryo describes how demons were once oppressed by God, and that they in turn preyed upon humans in the same way that God preyed upon demons. Ryo recognizes that he continued the same cycle of genocidal hate and marginalization he once suffered. This is a striking moment that functions as a cautionary warning against abusing imbalanced power dynamics, and how even once marginalized groups are still capable of enacting horrors against those with less power.

via Seven Seas Entertainment

Ryo's character also made a groundbreaking stride in the representation of marginalized gender and sexual identities. His true form as Satan is easy to interpret as trans, possessing emotional, mental, and physical traits that defy the standard gender binary. The manga also makes it clear that Ryo considers Akira more than a friend, and is actually in love with him. Amazingly, Go Nagai does not use Ryo's trans-coded self or his queer love for Akira as fodder for insulting or disrespectful commentary from other characters. Ryo's gender-variant form is certainly mentioned, but it's never negatively framed or conflated with his murderous attitude toward humanity. Additionally, the manga never suggests Ryo is evil because of his romantic feelings for Akira (a simple, yet important distinction). It feels all the more impressive when you remember that this was made in 1972. Devilman's subversive portrayal of non-normative gender and sexual identity could still be considered groundbreaking even by today's standards.

Devilman OVAs

The first OVA, The Birth, covers Ryo and Akira's discovery of demon existence, with a very brutal early sequence that shows the bloody survival-of-the-fittest origins of life on Earth (which beautifully expands upon and mirrors the same sequence from the manga). It concludes with a gore-soaked finale where we see Akira's fateful transformation into Devilman. The sequence is filled with face stabs, top-notch body horror, and decapitations galore as Devilman rips apart demon after demon in a nightclub setting.

The second OVA, The Demon Bird, had the same crew that worked on the first OVA and contains a very similar feel. This OVA is more action-oriented than the first since it doesn't spend time on the build-up and exposition leading to Devilman's initial appearance. The animation and art design is probably even better than the first episode, which is most notable during the fight with Sirene. On a side note, the Manga Entertainment dubs for these first two OVAs are absolutely essential if you're seeking a fun evening with fellow anime nerds with a decent sense of humor. Their typically sleazy dubs — where Manga Entertainment excessively hyped up the seedier, more "adult" side of anime in order to market their products as wildly different from cartoons for kids — contain an assortment of unnecessary profanity and generally crude dialogue compared to the Japanese source material, to great comedic effect.

The third OVA, Amon: The Apocalypse of Devilman, is based on Amon: The Darkside of Devilman manga, an alternate-universe offshoot by Yu Kinutani. This OVA contains a reworked version of the end of Devilman and has a much darker edge compared to the first two OVAs. This entry in the series has an ugly, grim quality to it – such as the horrific depiction of Miki and her brother getting slaughtered by an angry mob — that initially felt off-putting to me. I started to enjoy it more on subsequent viewings however, when I remembered that, well, the entire Devilman mythos is pretty damned bleak in general. I think the desolate mood would have been more bearable had Akira felt like the compassionate, tragic hero of the manga.

Actually, overall I'd say that Akira's portrayal is one of my biggest complaints about these OVAs. He displays a cold lack of care for human life — like in the Demon Bird when he unconcernedly tears through an airplane while fighting Sirene and allows its passengers to presumably plummet to their deaths — that for me, offsets one of the biggest strengths of Devilman's core: that although Akira has the body of a demon, he never loses the tender heart of a human. With that in mind, let's explore Devilman Crybaby.

Devilman Crybaby

Devilman Crybaby is my favorite animated incarnation of Devilman, period. I might be in the minority with that opinion, but I think there's a lot to love. Masaaki Yuasa is already one of my favorite recent anime directors — Kaiba, Mind Game, and Lu Over the Wall are highlights — so it's no surprise I'd be head over heels for his take on a classic Go Nagai story.

Yuasa impressively shifts the '70s setting of the original into modern-day Japan: The group of surly highschoolers from the manga are replaced with rappers and smartphones are everywhere. In the hands of a lesser writer, a modern setting would be no more than a cosmetic, surface-level change of scenery to an already-written narrative. In contrast, Yuasa avoids this trap by using the modern setting to make incisive social commentary relevant to our times: social media is the means for both horrendous and beautiful moments in the show. It leads to Miki's murder when she posts on Instagram to defend Akira, but also serves as the online catalyst that unites Devilmen across the globe (in contrast to the original manga, where a set of demon-possessed psychic monks unite the Devilmen). Yuasa explained this in a 2018 Japan Times article:

"Today's situation is a lot closer to 'Devilman' than it was when Nagai wrote it in the '70s," he says. "The popularity of social media means people are a lot more connected, for good and bad – like someone getting shot over a video game. We learn about unarmed black people being killed by police, people being tortured and the rise of nationalism in politics. In Japan, too, where a lot of problems are openly blamed on foreigners.

"But it can also help spread good that we wouldn't otherwise know about. We see people coming out as gay or trans on social media, and there's a greater opening up and acceptance of different opinions and lifestyles."

Another beautiful aspect of the show is how Yuasa amplifies the queer elements present in the manga. Ryo and Akira's relationship feels even more loaded with romantic undertones, and Yuasa also introduces two queer characters unseen in the original manga. One of the characters is named Miki Kuroda, initially portrayed as a jealous antagonistic foil to the Miki we all know and love. Miki Kuroda changes as the episodes progress and she becomes a Devilman, and we eventually see her sacrifice herself in an attempt to save Miki Makimura, who she confesses her love to before dying. It's refreshing to see a queer woman represented in a story that previously had none, and incorporated in a way that feels organic and thoughtfully integrated within the larger narrative.

In contrast to the Akira of the OVAs, I absolutely adore this incarnation. Yuasa did a stellar job showing not only Akira's horny goth-jock side but also his compassionate traits. As the name implies, there's a lot of crying in Devilman Crybaby, and Akira is responsible for at least half the tears throughout the brief 10-episode series. Akira evokes such intense compassion and cares for people around him, which is a noticeable deviation from his cold demeanor in the OVAs. The human heart at the core of Devilman is on full display here, taking the emotional elements from the original and turning the volume up to 11. Though the art style and setting might be drastically different from what you'd typically expect of a Devilman remake, Yuasa did a masterful job honoring the source material while injecting it with fresh life and even fresher modern resonance.

What other aspects of Devilman — or its many incarnations — did you find important or interesting? Let me know in the comments below!

Do you love anime? Do you love writing? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: [email protected]

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

6 notes · View notes

the-wilde-autistic · 4 years

Text

What's up with groups like "MAPs"?

I am a nerd for sexology, I love the topic of paraphilias; it's a favorite subject of mine.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

If you want to here is a PDF file of the DSM 5, if you want to read into the paraphilia & paraphilic disorder portion. I haven't read everything, I only read into paraphilia since paraphilias are my special interest.

You'll also see a page discussing autism spectrum disorder plus a myriad of other conditions and such.

⇊

⇃Topic continues below⇂

If you're unaware with this term MAP is meant as an anagram for "minor attracted person", this group is not something I agree with; they do not seem to promote any sort of professional help, counseling, healthy outlets or whatnot. People are pussy's and cannot handle descriptive words.

I completely understand that anything akin to a gay conversation camp will not work whatsoever, sexuality is finite and fixed in a person typically, same fact applies to paraphilia, fetishes and kinks but what I don't understand is why do they not provide people ways to healthily let out these harmful desires towards children?

I am interested in shotacon, lolicon and my favorite is cubs (young furry characters, think the child characters in the film Zootopia) so it would be straight up hypocritical to question their paraphilia, this particular attractions towards the very young and youth I had understood will only ever be a fantasy since I was about 13 years old, I had studied paraphilia somewhat when I was in my young teens since to me at the time it just didn't make any sort of sense as to why I just loved these young and adorable fictional characters, it caused me great confusion to have this paraphilia since at that time I believed that you should only be attracted towards the opposite gender of adult age. My mother wasn't there to guide me, instead she was spying then read through my fantasies then got extremely pissed off because of my paraphilia instead of taking me to a counselor who specializes in people affected by peadophilia.

But besides all of that I ask people why? Why don't you give people useful advice? Why allow people to be "pro contact" or anything like that? I can understand that we all have a specific taste so not every younglings will be of interest, it's not like you'll go after every single in sight sort of speak. Why even try to consider it a "sexual orientation"? In the DSM-5 when it's not disorderly in any sort of way they class peadophilia as a 'sexual interest', it is NOT classed as an orientation, this is in official documents so I feel much more incline to take what is said as educated knowledge here.

For people dealing with their paraphilia I suggest not to go after group's like these, don't go to the internet when about these sorts of things. Yes there are some truly horrendous people out there those are not the type of people I'm speaking for, I am asking the confused souls who have no sort of guidance. I hate it whenever I hear about a child getting abducted, molested or anyting horrible like that, these stories cause great stress; I remember how agitated and upset hearing about how negativity effected my cousins where from these foster homes as well hearing about how much is an abusive piece of shit my cousin's father is.

I hate it when CPS (child protective service) does horrible things towards children, I hate it whenever they do things for money, all fueled by greedy practices, I hate it when people ruin children's childhoods. Anything young is wonderful to me, it's been that way since I figured out exactly what I am attracted towards.

Furry characters I am a huge fan of, of course, movies like Zootopia does make youngling furry fans come about which I find to be an attractive feature; it's attractive whenever I see that a young boy or girl who loves anthropomorphic animals. That aspect of myself I cannot change. I have considered going to the paraphilia equivalent of a gay conversion camp before up until I learned exactly how horrible gay conversion camps really are and how much of a facade they put on for the camera.

I had checked out stories of abuse that they administer towards the gay youths, I am heavily against gay conversion camps after figuring out and learning exactly what they're about.

I understand there's people go to gay conversion camps out of free choice, that's inevitable, but what I do not like is that the push for an anti-gay narrative; anti-gay marriage and shit like that, propagating homosexuality as something horrible. I hate it when people propagate these false narratives.

Don't need be in a straight family to parent a child, homosexual marriages are not unhealthy, and sometimes a gay parent would be much better at parenting than a straight parent would.

Just because the marriage is of a straight couple it doesn't mean they'll be good parents. Though propaganda can be directed the other way around and that I do not like, don't be anti-heterosexual that's completely bullshit.

Everyone has the right to love what they want the love.

I love the straight allies within the LGBT; people like you need to be appreciated hell of a lot better then they do.

1 note · View note

captainignatiuspigheart · 4 years

Text

Somewhere, recently, two weeks have been misplaced… I’m pretty sure they happened, but I’m damned if I can tell you what I did that took up a whole fortnight. Oh well, that seems to be the way of things at present. I’ve been working from home for something like seventy-five days, which feels both completely normal and utterly insane. The only bit I’ve got any clear recollection of is the last weekend, and a half-arsed list of things I’ve watched. It’s possible I’ve only played LEGO Star Wars – The Complete Saga on our Wii and then gone to sleep. I’m failing to read, or to concentrate enough to read quickly. It’s frustrating as reading is my most relaxing activity. I’ve abandoned about three novels and picked up The Best of John Wyndham and am slowly, so very very slowly, working my through it. Totally Brewed continue to be my drinktrack (y’know, like a soundtrack, but with drinking!) to the pandemic with their end of the week deliveries. Fine, fine humans. I’ve also been idly flicking through the obscenely large and beautiful Hardware: The Definitive SF Works of Chris Foss featuring so many science fiction book covers I recognise, especially all those Asmimov and EE Doc Smith covers I still have on my shelves. Seriously, it’s a beast of a tome, and I’ll be browsing it for months to come.

Thank you Totally Brewed!

Spaceship, spaceship, spaceship!

Friday

What else? Well, while the world burns (more, I guess), I find I’m just dissolving into anxiety and distraction. I’m not pleased about the return of cold and rain which has driven me out of my garden office either. Still, some good things have definitely happened. I’ve been trying to get lost while cycling in the mornings, with some success. I’ve refused to look at maps of the area around Attenborough Nature Reserve, but it all seems very pretty. On Saturday, my sister invited me to teach a mob of Beavers how to talk like a pirate on Zoom. That was fun! There were some excellent homemade cutlasses and flags. In the evening I played my first ever roleplaying game, which was also great. I’m very grateful to our GM, Diarmuid, who invited me to play along in Star Wars: Edge of the Empire, even knowing that I had no idea what was happening and thoroughly bumping me out of my comfort zone of drinking and watching TV; and to my fellow smugglers who were funny and exceedingly patient. Our one-shot game was called Scum, focusing on a gang of misfit smugglers (not intentionally misfit, but geez, once we we were set loose on characters…) with the job of jail-breaking a Hutt. I enjoyed playing a Tusken Raider, named Sahwa-wa, who saw his clan murdered by the rogue Jedi, Anakin Skywalker. My revenge was foiled when all the Jedi disappeared, leaving me seething and unable to do anything about it. I carry a dismembered protocol droid to translate for me, and my bantha lives in / fills my cabin. I blew a general’s head off! We did eventually succeed, and many people died. We had fun!

Pirate chat!

Show me your bantha

Vampire kitten

Watching: Upload season one

This is a curious little TV show, exploring the banal horrors of a digital afterlife. Programmer, Nathan, gets uploaded after being in a rare car accident. Only he’s been talked into it by his overbearing girlfriend, and may not have been about to die at all… Once in the horrendously expensive Lake View – because of course only the truly wealthy can lead the afterlife they really want to – he discovers worrying gaps in his memory about what his job was and that he might have been killed. It’s a funny show, with a rather cynical tone which appealed to me. The scene where they try to download the founder of digital afterlife, with catastrophic results is bloody and hilarious. The tedium of the hotel-based afterlife, the bug-filled digital world, the sometimes awful people Nathan is now stuck with, and a growing relationship with his living customer service rep all contribute to a genuinely delightful nightmare. Nathan’s existence is ultimately controlled by his (living) girlfriend’s whims, dressing him, denying him access to the endless microtransactions, and making his funeral all about her. Lovely brightly coloured dystopia.

youtube

Watching: Friday Night Dinner seasons 3-4

This one might be more a matter of taste… I’ve really enjoyed this sitcom composed of the Friday night meals of a secular Jewish family. The cast is exceptional, featuring Tamsin Greig (who should already be a national treasure), with Paul Ritter, as mum and dad, with Simon Bird and Tom Rosenthal. Very keen on slapstick and characters just this side of over the top, the foursome’s constant conflict is a real joy. A supporting cast including Mark Heap (another one who needs national treasure badging) makes this near-perfect. The last couple of seasons have featured a frozen fox, grandma marrying a total cunt, awful old college mates, vicious little blackmailing kids and so much more. “My nipples are boiling,” kinda sums this show up for me.

youtube

Doing: We Are What We Overcome podcast – Mental Health Check-In

We’re still going! Our fortnightly Facebook Live things are becoming a thing in their own right, which is nice. We’re aiming to check in first and foremost, with a theme or discussion topic to focus our current experiences around. Last week we talked about anger, which feels fairly timely, to say the least. It’s a strange feeling, one that can destroy you or push you to achieve and create all sorts of things.

Doing: MissImp’s Virtual Drop-Ins (double this time)

First up, an amazing introduction to freestyle rap, which makes it almost seem possible…

youtube

Followed by the rather wonderful Twinprov and “Re-imagining the Virtual Space: Creativity and Connection Together, Apart“

youtube

Last Week: Last Week: Upload, Friday Night Dinner, We Are What We Overcome and things I’ve forgotten about… #reading #watching #blanking #rpg #starwars https://wp.me/pbprdx-8FF Somewhere, recently, two weeks have been misplaced… I’m pretty sure they happened, but I’m damned if I can tell you what I did that took up a whole fortnight.

#Chris Foss #Friday Night Dinner #MissImp: Improv Comedy Theatre Nottingham #Totally Brewed #Upload #We Are What We Overcome

0 notes

jackywroteabook · 4 years

Text

5 Minute Fiction: “SUPERMAN”

{Just a little taste of the writing you can expect in one of my full-length novels, without the sheer number of hours, willpower, & commitment it takes to finish it. All short stories are representative of my writing voice, content, characters, settings, moods, & themes of my general fiction. Enjoy a quick snapshot of the kind of writing a genuine, award-winning Jacquelyn Eubanks Novel™ has to offer. All short stories take approximately 5 minutes or less to read. Like what you read? Buy my books on Amazon (The Last Summer & The Last Time) and follow me on social media (@JackyWroteABook).}

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I remember him in flashbacks. It’s the little things that trigger memories. Last weekend, I was cleaning out his basement and came across a box full of cassette tapes from the nineties. I pulled out each rectangular tape and examined the labels running along the side, noting the bands and album names written in his blocky handwriting, now faded or smudged. One particular tape caught my eye: Crash Test Dummies’ “The Ghosts That Haunt Me”.

His favorite.

Tearing through the boxes almost in a mania, I finally uncovered his old stereo system, the one with three CD slots, huge speakers, and two cassette tape places. I plugged it into an outlet and blew the dust off the tape slot, placed the cassette in, clicked the door shut, and pressed ‘play’.

A sob caught in my throat as the baritone’s voice wafted through the room, crooning to the piano ballad about Superman.

I close my eyes and am plunged into a memory of sitting in Daddy’s lap, listening to this song while he sings along, my curly red hair tucked under his chin. I can feel his throat vibrate with the notes and his whiskers scratch like sandpaper against my cheek. He smells of cigar smoke and some kind of cologne that I never learned the name of, but he always wore it. I’m no older than three.

The hot, silent tears slide down my cheeks like that moment when you reach the top of the rollercoaster and the only place you can go is down, down, faster and faster, at such a steep incline that your stomach drops and you feel like you’re falling and suddenly you can’t contain it anymore, and you just scream.

My father was a man who didn’t say much, but he didn’t need to. His actions spoke volumes.

We were never rich, but my dad made enough to provide a good life for his family. I remember one Christmas, my family was ready to go on our first real vacation – as in, no tents, sleeping bags, or dehydrated backpacking food. We were going to a ski resort in Montreal, and my sisters and I were so excited to finally see real snow after living in southern Arizona our whole lives. I packed my suitcase full of the essentials days before we had to leave – my stuffed animals, a nightgown with Barbie on it, my blankie, and some Froot Loops – and I was so excited that I could hardly sleep. Two nights before Christmas, Dad called everyone into the living room for a family meeting. He explained that we weren’t going on the trip anymore. He looked somberly down at me and my two little sisters, reached for our mother’s hand, and drew in a breath. He then explained that there are a lot of people less fortunate than us. As simply as possible, he told us that the Bank was going to take away another family’s house if they didn’t pay money.

“How much money, daddy?”

“A lot.”

He explained that rather than go on a trip this Christmas, we were giving the money we would’ve spent on vacation to the Bank so the family, who had little girls just like me, could keep their house.

He never told us who the family was.

I never learned how much money he gave them…but, as an adult with a job and children of my own, I can take an educated guess.

Dad spent decades working for the same company, and he hated it. He told me he’d dreamt of being a jet fighter pilot, but his eyesight was so horrendous that it was impossible. So he settled for a job he didn’t enjoy, and it drained him. Hours upon hours, he labored in a DuPont plant mixing chemicals to create car paint. He couldn’t stand the wrath of his superiors on the corporate end, and he never could get close to his coworkers. He was a natural introvert, yes, but he didn’t associate himself with people who degraded his integrity. The men at his job smoked pot during lunch breaks, blew all their Friday paychecks on hard liquor, and frequently invited him into a prostitute trailer parked behind the factory. He didn’t agree with that lifestyle and was persecuted for it mercilessly. Often, the only companionship he found at work was from the radio, which he listened to while eating lunch in the car.

There are things I distinctly inherited from Dad. His passion for politics is a perfect example. I remember nights spent in front of the TV, Tom Brokaw broadcasting the news, my dad and I sharing pita bread and hummus or crackers with canned sardines or smoked oysters. The salty, oily taste of fish in a tin acts as a trigger. During those quiet times spent together, he liked to pass on thoughts and wisdom.

The only person he ever hated was Bill Clinton. He despised that man, and whenever the president appeared on our screen, Dad would shut the television off in a huff. When I asked him why President Clinton bothered him so much, he just shook his head and uttered, “I can’t respect a man who cheats on his wife. How do you trust someone who lies to the very person they promised to always be faithful to?”

I never questioned the morality of my dad. He was a righteous man who read the Bible, attended church, and believed that beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

He had that exact phrase – it’s a Ben Franklin quote – on a T-shirt. His best friend, Robert, had a shirt to match it. They were closer than brothers, and I remember Uncle Bob was always at our house bearing gifts and pearls of wisdom for us girls. He and Dad joked that the hope of America rested on my shoulders, and that it was my duty to keep my reputation as spotless as possible so I could be president one day. I never forgot their faith in me, long after Uncle Bob waded into the deep end of atheism and then went under, completely submerged and drowning in the bitterness of his refusal to acknowledge a god. We never saw him again, and even though Dad said nothing, I know losing his best friend like that was worse than if he had died.

Dad’s father died when he was fourteen, and from that moment on he took on the roll of Superman for his mother and brother during their grieving. He loved his father more than words can express, and I knew it; spread throughout my childhood were bits and pieces of Papa, appearing in the forms of a watch Dad always wore, a Free Masons ring, a case full of World War II medals, and a brown leather recliner that he and I always sat in. Dad always loved World War II movies. I never said it aloud, but I always figured those movies helped him feel connected to his father.

In high school, I was bullied and sexually harassed by a gang of undersexed pubescent boys. Every day I would make up outlandish excuses to stay home, or halfway through the day fake sick and get sent home early. Finally, Dad caught on to what was happening, so he went directly to the principal so the harassment would stop. To our dismay, my sexist principal simply had a chat with each of the boys that consisted of approximately two sentences: “She’s obviously mentally unstable. Just leave her alone and the school won’t have to deal with her problems anymore.” Needless to say, this didn’t help the situation; if anything, it was reassurance to the boys that our principal was on their side, and they could continue torturing me without fear of punishment. That’s when Dad decided to take things into his own hands: he signed me up for taekwondo and taught me everything I needed to know about dealing with assholes. By the time I’d reached a black belt and gotten in two fights at school (both in self-defense, of course), I may not have been well-liked, but at least I was left alone. Dad taught me that I didn’t have to be afraid because all the strength, courage, and confidence I’d ever need was already within me.

When I was twelve, I decided that baseball was my favorite sport and I promptly became obsessed with it. In fact, rarely a day went by that I wasn’t glued to the TV, engulfed in a Dodger’s game. I came to know every player, every team, every score, stat, and skill in Major League Baseball. And before I knew it, Dad was joining me. He never, to my recollection, was a baseball fan. But something changed, and all of a sudden he was the one keeping track of scores and standings and waiting for me to join him in watching the game. On my birthday every year, we drove all the way to Los Angeles to watch a Dodger’s game. Just me and him. It was wonderful. On the way home from one of those birthday games, I was falling asleep in the shotgun seat when I heard him whisper, “Thanks, Mack-ster, for reminding me of how much I love baseball.”

I later learned that baseball was his dad’s favorite sport, and the two of them bonded over listening to Dodgers games on the radio when he was a child. After his father died, his love of baseball died, too. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let the same thing happen to me when my dad died. If he ever died.

To me, Dad was more invincible than Superman. He never showed weakness, but he had a quiet empathy that bred an old-world, gentlemanly air about him. He seemed timeless, and even as the years passed he was consistent in character and looks. That’s why our last Daddy-Daughter Night left me numb and disbelieving, as if reality could not be as frigid as the touch of his words.

It was a Tuesday night. He called me up and suggested we go out to Luigi’s, our favorite Italian restaurant. I met him at our usual booth, situated under a wooden overhang covered in fake grapes hanging from vines. It smelled like tomato sauce, basil and garlic. A basket full of breadsticks sat in front of him on the red-and-white-checkered tablecloth, a dish of olive oil and parmesan cheese next to it. We carried on our usual conversation through the appetizer – calamari – and the salad course – with bleu cheese dressing, like always – when the air thickened with words not yet uttered, suppressed and even withheld. I could sense this cloud suffocating and separating us. There was something he wasn’t telling me, I knew, but I couldn’t reach him through the smog of sensitive silence. Finally, when the waiter delivered our entrees (eggplant parmesan for me, veal parmesan for him), he spoke.

“I’m dying.”

His words made the cloud evaporate so quickly that it created a vacuum, a black hole sucking out every emotion, every word, every thought, every sense until I was left with only shock. The breath caught in my throat, and I could feel my chest tighten with the realization that Superman had a kryptonite: Cancer.

I broke down sobbing within a matter of seconds, the tears flooding my eyes and pouring down my face as if a dam burst, throwing away all lessons he’d given me on “mental toughness”. And, to my absolute horror, he started crying, too.

It was the first – and the last – time I ever saw my father cry.

He died that spring.

And the man who shaped me into the person I am, the legacy he left behind, the impact he made on other lives – they are still a part of me, a part of the world, even though he’s no longer physically here. I feel his presence in objects, in sounds, in scents that trigger memories and bring him back to me intangibly. He did everything he could to leave this world better than he found it. He was the greatest man I ever knew.

The last notes of the song echoed in the basement, spreading a warm, bittersweet wave of nostalgia through my body reverberating in my soul as I hung on to the last line of lyrics:

And sometimes I despair the world will never see another man like him…

0 notes