i'm losing hope of byler being an endgame :( milevens say that we are invalidating mileven, besides having several scenes that they show "passion/love". they make fun of us, besides always giving reasons why mileven is an endgame, and disrespecting other people's ship, and maybe actually Will will be with another boy right?? idk but I really hope I'm not being deluded

lol  lets not focus on byler for a sec and mostly discuss mileven. what scenes show mileven’s  ‘passion/love’? Because the show invalidates mileven constantly-why they’re so aggressive/afraid of us.THEY KNOW IT’S DOOMED (they live in head canons and nothing else).  I’m going to try keeping this short by doing bullet points.

-The writers in s3 threw in a telemarketing joke just for Mike to say “El. no. sorry not interested” and hang up the phone. 

- Flo  in s1: “only love makes you that crazy and that damn stupid.”

Mike: “if we’re both going crazy. we’ll go crazy together right?”will: “yeah, crazy together “ *smile and stare longingly at eachother *————————————————————-Mike: “they do say it makes you crazy”El: “what makes you crazy?”(the exact opposite of crazy together as she continues to be confused over every explanation he gives of love 😂)————————————————————-During the byler fight  Mike says “el’s not stupid!” After this, Will calls himself “ so stupid “ 4x .  rips up photo where they said they’d go crazy together and cries . But, El after fighting with mike happily says: “there’s more to life than STUPID boys .”  El’s catchphrase being “not stupid” which she says in s2 before going to see Mike at the school. And Nancy before Mike says he loves El / Mikeduring the byler fight (about mileven) say “El’s not stupid!”

original gifs  sources

-the s3 stobin confession parallels mileven’s s3 shop confession (full analysis in link). Both El/Robin have bandages on their legs and both pairings sit together (on the floor) during their confessions- and are interrupted by Dustin. And in both straight baits- the guys use the terms “stupid/crazy” but subvert the expectation of it being romantic-as both girls say they’re not “crazy” or “stupid” for the guy. El saying “what makes you crazy?” in response to Mike. And Robin saying she was not into Steve’s “stupid hair” (similar to El saying there’s more to life than ‘stupid boys’/other saying she’s not stupid.”Also the song ‘the first i love you’ only plays twice in s3. During Steve’s romantic confession and robin rejecting him because she’s gay & El’s romantic confession and awkward kiss with mike (where Mike doesn’t reciprocate). Cause Robin/Mike are both gay and will reject the romantic confession.

- Erica making he-man and barbie kiss: “Hey , They’re in love!”Lucas (livid- and standing right next to a rainbow forcing them apart): “No, actually,  they’re not. they’re not even from the same planet.”  El even watches he-man in s1! Mileven is not in love!

Cue El and mike being compared to ET and Eliot -WHO AREN’T FROM THE SAME PLANET (by the Duffers in multiple interviews and in the pilot script ) .   And then there’s the  old euphemism of “girls come from Venus, and boys come from Mars”.  The Duffers saying mileven isn’t in love cause they’re not from the same planet (aka the same gender) -is just them telling us Mike is gay so he can’t fall for El-who is a girl/diff species. They literally have Will say to Mike “welcome to my world” as a contrast. So El telling mike he should ‘stick with his own species’ (aka boys) is another gay hint.

In s2 they even had El wear the same shirt as a 1986 movie character (staring Winona Ryder). The movie is called coincidentally “lucas”- and he’s in an unrequited romantic relationship with a gal named maggie. And he later says him and Maggie are  from “different worlds.” El being movie-Lucas in a unrequited romance, in this scenario. And the other easteregg is the Duffers have st-Lucas  say the “planet/worlds” similar to movie-Lucas.

some milevens also attribute romeo/juliet to mileven cause Dustin mentioned it while mileven was out of shot. But romeo & juliet weren’t actually in love-it was just kids in infatuation. And also used to describe the unrequited infatuation of Lucas/Maggie.

-Also when dustin in s1 says el is “like a wizard” (like Will.) Mike corrects dustin and says “more like yoda”. Really hammering down the alien references- which the Duffers reference to el in interviews all the time-by comparing her to et . In the pilot they even said mike and el are like “Eliot and et.” They said they made el dress like a ghost cause et did so- and then for the extra burn they made mike a ghost hunter/buster. And they also said that EL’s makeover in s1 was like et’s in the movie. And sorry ... who compares the girl they “crush on” with a green gross alien (yoda)- kind of shows how he sees her more as this foreign superpowered entity rather than a girl/crush. And on what planet is et /Eliot romantic??Answer is -it’s not. 

- In contrast, They have Mike and Will parallel  Diane and Venkman. In ghost Busters, Mike -is Venkman- and Will -is Dana Barret- who Venkman flirts with shamelessly until she is possessed. Dana finds a demon-dog in her fridge, and hires the ghost busters. And right before Venkman goes on a date with her she is possessed by the big-bad, Zuul, and is transformed into the gate-keeper (who controls demo(n)-dogs). Venkman proceeded to try to talk to the real Dana , ignoring her possessed form and eventually realizes how serious her condition is, is forced to sedate her. Eventually with the help of his team, Venkman closes the gate to Zuul’s dimension, rescuing Dana in the process. And Venkman plants one on Dana before riding away in triumph. While, El is a ghost and Mike is a ghost hunter XD

Notice in the same season lucas says mileven is ‘not in love’ and compares mileven to he-man and barbie .  Dustin has a  he-man & Et next to each other (along with a ghost buster sign above them, and the ghostbusters-trap next to et). This just reinforces the mileven eastereggs I’ve already talked about -  and how they want you to make the connections  about mileven not being in love. They showed et/barbie next to he-man, had El watch he-man, compared El to Et (who had a barbie-like makeover/ghost costume), so the next he-man ref of ‘not being in love’  cause rhey’re from different planets would connect in a more obvious way to mileven.  Same with Et next to the ghost trap and ghost busters sign (and El dressing as a ghost and Mike as a ghost buster-as an extra burn).

- Mike dehumanizing El is hammered down again when they compare s1 mileven to s2 dart /dustin (a demo dog) , to further show how un-romantic it is. Fin even said the duffers told him Mike saw el (OFFENSIVELY) as a “puppy’ (right after s1).  And of course millie accurately said “what a horrible way to describe me!”But the parallels are there: Dustin/Mike sharing sweets ( nougat vs eggos) for breakfast and saying they’ll have to wait for them to come home from school. And having mike annoyed, say  “a bond? cause you shared nougat?!” is dissing milevens who think the ego thing is cute/romantic. Dustin/Mike saying they ‘promised’ to take care of them and that they ‘trust’ dustin & mike. Dart killing a cat and El almost killing a cat. Dustin/Mike trying to convince Lucas- Dart & El aren’t bad. The boys thinking both El & Dart were bad guys causing both to end up running away because of that. Mike even admits in s1 he doesn’t like eggos and told El she doesn’t have to eat “like a dog” anymore.  it’s ironic when Mike says to Dustin “she’s not a dog” cause he treated her as such. Why El says in s3 angrily , “am I your pet?” It’s because he did/does unfortunately treat her this way to some degree. 

-They Parallel Mileven to Hopper & El (since mileven isn’t actually romantic)!

*teaching the meaning of promise vs com-promise. And making “promises” to eachother is not some super romantic thing- for just mileven.

* Telling her to eat “real food” vs eggos

* saying her new look is “cool”and saying it’s “bitchin” after El says the look is.

* Saying others are “corrupting her” and in response gals say neither respect her ability to make “decisions” in regards to romance. Hopper not accepting Mileven together (want them to break up)  and Mike not accepting she dumped him.

* Max saying to not let Hopper/Mike control her

*El saying “you lie” to both of them

ok , back to listing other points

- they dance to ‘every breath you take’ a break up song about a stalker ex who can’t accept he is now with her friend. The writer of the song also has said many times “it’s NOT a love song.” The duffers obviously knew that. Lumax also danced to it and Lucas was called a ‘stalker’ . El also stalked Mike in s2 (all that stuff milevens found romantic- El watching him without him knowing. Mike says he was not ok with it in s3). And in s3 he said not to do that and she just says ‘i make my own rules’.Plus, sting (the singer) mentions it’s supposed to sound romantic but the lyrics are sinister. And that the ambiguity/deceptive happy -romantic tone was intentional. Kind of like how people think mileven is healthy and in love when the show (ambiguosly says ) that it’s not -and the “opposite”.Just like the song being misinterpreted as romantic because of its deceptive packaging -mileven is the same . Mileven got popular cause everyone missed all the warning signs it wasn’t healthy (cause it was packaged as ‘cute’ and ‘ in love’) when behind the surface it was shown to be the opposite and not healthy.

 Not to mention Nancy teaching Dustin how to dance is a direct parallel to Mike teaching El. 

Mike also tries to act like Dustin, and  forces Will to dance with a girl (who’s wearing a rainbow hair clip). Trying to be a good sport like Dustin is about lumax. And right after this we see Dustin look sad about Max/Lucas dancing and Mike (next to Dustin) look sadly at Will/girl dancing in the same exact frame as Max/Lucas. As they switch between these 2 shots to emphasize their sadness/jealousy.Then they both sit down (mirroring each other) on the verge of tears before Nancy and El show up to comfort them and distract them.  As El once again (presumably) wears Nancy’s dress. Mike after El asks “will you be my brother?” “you cant go  (to the snowball) with your sister... i mean you can but it’d be really weird.” 

- before their first kiss in s1 she asked if he would be like her brother (after being compared to a cousin, and being compared to Holly, and wearing Nancy’s dress.) In s2 they even make a direct parallel to Luke &Leia (who were siblings who had a weird romantic relationship/kissed before realizing they were related). Mike (as Leia) saying “it’s a trap” to El (Luke). 

- Mike in s1 writes a d&d story for Will inspired by star wars.  in ep one Will tells Mike “it was a 7, the demogorgan it got me.”At the end of the season Mike writes a whole story of him and his friends killing a 7 headed monster, and showing the decapitated head of the monster to king Tristan (Will). Similar to how at the hospital he tells Will to not worry cause “it’s dead now”. This is right after Will rolls a 14 (cause Mike and Will are 7s together). And Mike who is a fan of starwars has King Tristan give them medals after killing the monster. Cause he wants Will/king tristan (instead of Leia -a girl) to present him with medals and be his romantic love interest (and praise him for being a hero).

- They had Dustin call mileven “bullshit” just like stancy (who were never in love). And in s3 for almost every single character in the show to dislike mileven . if that isn’t a cry for help from the writers idk what is XD

other stancy parallels: Making out on a bed to cheesy music. stancy wasn’t in love but they kissed the most in the series and nancy and steve (similar to mileven exchanged ‘i love yous’) but weren’t endgame and it was never love. Mike and Steve sing to their gfs and neither girls are fans and cut them off.In s1, both Nancy/Mike slap Steve and El and then both yell “ What is wrong with you?!”  Stancy/mileven are compared to Karen/ted who according to Nancy “never loved each other”. El is a fan of ted’s lazy boy. (Karen in s3 looks at Ted in the chair when the lyric “I should have walked away “ plays). And Steve and ted continuing to eat chicken as their gf /wife storm off from the table upset , and they do nothing. After the mileven and Karen/Ted fight- Steve says while eating “what did I do?what did i do?” And mike while eating says about el after their fight “what did i do wrong? what did i do wrong?!Steve and Ted both tell Mike to “stay on the bench/you’re on the bench.” Karen/ ted that they “never loved each other” (just like mileven and stancy which are “bullshit.”) All 3 wheelers were with people cause it seemed like the rational choice ( rich guy/ popular guy/ girl). Not to mention mike said “ I don’t remember” ( in reference to saying he loved el ) . And doesn’t say it back when el says “I love you”. Which mimics Nancy in s2 saying “I don’t remember ” (saying the stancy relationship is bs) . And she is also unable to say she loves Steve when he says“say you love me.” And Steve and el walking away as both wheelers stand there in silence. Unable to say “I love you” back.  Also, when stancy officially breakup it also pans to mileven on the porch as another parallel.And 11byers mentioned (at Christmas)  jancy has a moment but despite stancy’s issues she goes back to Steve where she looks sad over the decision .  Similar to how Byler have a moment , but then after , mileven talks about christmas  and they have that awkward kiss. In s3, steve when talking about stancy and trying to be popular even says “dustin’s right it’s all a bunch of bullshit.” (meaning Dustin’s right about mileven). Steve even says “everything people tell you is important that you’re supposed to care about- it’s bullshit.” (same season Mike mimics Lucas’ words from s1 about El being the “most important thing”.

-They also had Mike tell Max “i don’t hate you. I don’t even know you.”  Aka he can’t hate Max or love el cause he knew both for a week-and doesn’t know them. The amount of mileven burns that were in s2 -were insane XD.

other direct contrasts between Mileven & byler 

besides the ones already mentioned. 1) ‘crazy together/so stupid’ vs ‘what makes you crazy?/el’s not stupid/more to life than stupid boys & 2) ‘they’re not in love they’re not even from the same planet’ vs byler’s ‘welcome to my world’

3) Mike has drastically different expressions after the byler/mileven fights and the difference in weather and music selection ,convey how Mike is feeling. He looks regretful with Will, and almost annoyed with El dumping him.  Mileven breaks up to upbeat music on a sunny day (the break up being in front a crowd and a joke) vs the morose music and the storm shown (with just Mike and Will fighting ). We are supposed to take the byler fight seriously and the mileven one as a joke.They had Mike apologize to Will immediately. But with El he says “what did i do wrong?’ (Kind of like how ted, after pissing off karen says “what did I do?”)And then had Mike wait by the phone for her to apologize- says sexist stuff about her. Then have mike laugh/burp and talk about cheese and El to laugh about the break up/high five max and immediately oggle a pic of another boy/male celeb (unlike Will who looks sadly at the pic of Mike after their fight). And then after staring at the  teen-male celeb,  El says she’s not sure if  Mike’s a good kisser cause he’s just her “first boyfriend” and she has no other boys to compare him to (implying she’s thinking of other boys in the future).  Contrasted to Will who said he thought him & Mike would never get gfs but just spend the rest of their lives together. El after all these events, then happily reads comics  as Max says she shouldn’t hang out with Mike all the time. VS Will having him sadly read his comic to distract himself  only to throw his comic on the ground right before he looks at the pic of mike from Halloween (where they said they would go ‘crazy together’), calls himself stupid (unlike El saying there’s more to life than stupid boys/mike saying El is not stupid-aka in love ). And then destroys castle byers /crIES after the their fight. These events were perfect opposites.

4) When Mike says in the pool shed she’s the “most important thing in the world” to him. she cuts him off and says Hopper is right about them spending too much time together. But when Mike in the shed says asking Will to be his friend was the “best thing he’s ever done” (it was practically the cliche of true love breaking the curse) XD.

When Mike says to El  “you’re most important thing to me” in the pool shed. El doesn’t even acknowledge the comment (and neither should the audience- cause the words were empty). The framing of this mileven scene was not cinematic or heartfelt, and neither was the delivery from Mike. He’s not crying, trying to reach her with proclamations of his genuine feelings. There’s no dramatic music, framing, lighting or shot composition (and the scene was incredibly short).And El just responds and cuts his supposed ‘true feelings’ off- only to agree with Hopper and says “ what if he’s right”  . I didn’t speed this up FYI.

Juxtaposed to the MUCH longer byler shed scene. A literal single tear falling down his cheek as Mike , recounts the first day they met. This whole monologue is only of tight shots of just their faces (their bodies aren’t shown like in the pool shed scene). With contrasting colors of light and shadow.This is a personal moment between them and them alone- and the fact we zoom in on their faces (expresses this to be important emotionally) . And when we see Will’s reaction to Mike saying “it was the best thing I’ve ever done”. We just see Will’s face only- no music is playing and all we hear is  Will’s whimpers and Mike crying in the background.*

5) Max in s2 at Will’s house questions how Mike can still trust Will now that he’s a spy for the mf . Max (in s3) at El’s house: says that Mike doesn’t trust El- and Mike mentions that her spying is why he doesn’t trust her.  in s2, Mike: “if anyone could stop them it’s Will“. Max: “ I thought we couldn’t trust him that he’s a spy for the mf now?” Max in s3 calling Mike out  : “El has saved the world twice. And Mike still doesn’t trust her.” Mike: you want to talk about trust really?! after... Eleven spied on us! I guess girlfriends don’t lie they SPY!”

Not to mention - the fact is... El has “saved the world twice but Mike still doesn’t trust her” to fight the mf. Yet he 100% believed Will could defeat the mf -despite Will being possessed/a spy for the mf . And despite the fact Mike  thinks Will has no powers - unlike El ( but we all know he does , though :P). And, Mike even says Billy is dangerous cause  the “mf is in him ...Billy’s mind is sick, diseased” (but with Will possession -Mike still trusted him).  Max rolls her eyes and stares challengingly at Mike cause she remembers what Mike said about Will in s2- and the hypocrisy . And she finds it annoying how little faith he has in her compared to his almost unmoving-trust in Will (who at the time was possessed) . Mike has 100% trust and faith in Will-but simply doesn’t trust El.  And MAX KNOWS IT! Cause she’s paying attention. Like her facial expression/raised brow, at the end, is a challenge- you think non-superpowered Will could defeat the mf but not El with a history of fighting monsters? You say Billy possessed by the mf is dangerous- but still have more faith in Will possessed by the mf- than your own gf?! tbh El couldn’t defeat the mf (so technically him trusting Will over  El was proven to be correct). He wasn’t right about the El ‘giving up’ bs and he was still wrong for not respecting El as her “own person” with her “own free will” : not believing in El’s ability to make decisions like breaking up with him/ not believing El made the idea to spy on him, etc . But, Team work has always been what saved the day in s1-2, so over-relying on El to do it all and acting like she was the messiah ( like most of the st fanbase) was a poor plan . It’s not the El-show (it’s an ensemble cast with several mains). When they relied on her only ,to be the chosen one- she lost her powers, 30+ people d*ed, and they had to save her.

6) ) El and Will both calling for “Mike” alone in the upside down . And Mike “never giving up” on them.In the exact same ep (s2 e2) , both call for Mike from the upside down. El saves herself without Mike’s help. But Mike rushes to save Will crouching to comfort Will (whose body language mirrors El’s but who was alone in the forest after she sees mike and he did nothing). 

in s2 ep 1, both call for Mike ,but Mike only comes for Will -not el. It was like how Nancy in s1 called for Jon, and jonathan pulled her out of the upsidedown.  And as Jonathan and Mike both pull Nancy and Will back from the upside down , Jonathan says “I got you”. And Mike says “I got him “ twice. But mileven is like how barb while in the upsidedown called for Nancy (but nancy didn’t hear her screaming her name-cause it shows symbolically Nancy does not return Barb’s romantic feelings). Just like mileven.

Mike even saw Will’s dead body but the second he heard his voice he convinced everyone he was alive. Mike deep down assumed El was dead he brushed off seeing El as seeing things (like how Hopper described seeing Sarah). He even tells Max “ they took her just like they took bob” who was dead. Then a few minutes later lies and says he “never gave up” on her when she appears alive (which was a lie cause he just said she was dead). When El goes to his house Mike doesn’t ever go the forest to find her (unlike how Mike went into the forest in the pouring rain twice for Will). The truth is the only person he ‘never gave up on’ was Will.

7) They have El & Will have pics of Mike on Halloween (same night of the ‘crazy together’ speech). El only has a pic of Mike being miserable  and Will has pics of Mike staring at Will, and smiling next to him- despite the joke Mike never smiles in photos , this isn’t the case when mike is next to Will (he always smiles with Will). Cause being crazy with Will makes him happy - unlike his relationship with El who he fakes being ‘crazy’ about .

zoom in of Will & El’s pics of Mike: Will’s pic on left vs El’s on right . XD

8) Millie said El is “obsessed with Mike” so she has Mike-themed stuff all over  her room. She has a drawing with a heart that says mike on it/random heart pics, mike pic, dice that spell out mike, mikes’ stuff. So, It’s funny that mike has nothing relating to El at his place. In contrast to this, he still has 5 d&d drawings from Will on his wall (that he’s kept on his wall for 3 years despite removing an old poster from that same wall-which he gave to El). Mike even put up a 6th Will-drawing in s3- next to his new poster. And he never put a single 1 of her many drawings on his wall-just Will’s).

back to other points...

- They compared mileven to karen/billy. El in s2 , mimics Erica Kane who m(in the ep she is watching) rushes into a relationship with a writer named Mike Roy. (That relationship is not endgame-and  literally ends with one of them stalking and sabotaging their next relationship, but eventually accepting it’s over). This, also parallels Karen/ Billy. Before she meets him in s2, Karen is reading a romance book that has a guy that resembles Billy on the cover. The Duffers even mentioned they changed the cover to show the resemblance between Billy and the fictional book character. And we see Karen reading the sequel in s3 before Billy appears. Both El and Karen don’t/didn’t love Mike or Billy- they just projected onto them fictional characters they were infatuated with. El being into Mike roy- but projecting her crush on to Mike wheeler.

-They had El’s whole s2 arc be destroyed to show mileven is bad for her. “friends don’t lie” to let me lie to my friends so I can kiss mike and ditch them. lucas even said “they’re lying (about her curfew).”And lie to Mike about hearing his confession. Then in s2 trying to leave the cabin to experience the world and see my friends and fam again. To literally ignoring them all for 6 months and never leaving the cabin-despite Hopper letting me leave the house in s3.

- El in s3 says Mike treats her “like a pet” and “garbage”.

-In s1 Mike referred to her as a ‘weapon’  to help get Will back. smacked her when he thought she lied about Will being alive and said Lucas was right about her all along when he thought Will was dead and he couldn’t use her anymore. 

- They had El never apologize for spying/stalking . And  Mike never apologize for lying -despite it being the cause of the breakup . And had mike not reciprocate the kiss/ or say ‘i love you ‘ back  and had his eyes open while the same exact song plays that robin came out to: called ‘the first i love you’). These are the only 2 times the song plays in s3. The ‘first i love you’ also sounds like ‘the first lie’ - that song played when jancy said they were just friends. it sounds the same cause jancy lied about it not being romantic while mileven lied by saying it was.  He never apologized for lying cause the love is the lie- like Max said “boyfriends lie ALL THE TIME”. And it’s why the camera panned to Will when Lucas asked why Mike lied to her. And he never answers El’s question of ‘why do you lie?!’ (he just looks up silent and guilt ridden).This awkward kiss all happens in Will’s room too while Mike is in front of an open closet (while El is holding Will’s old bear).  

Plus he also fought with Hopper in s2 (’about El’) in Will’s room too. He wasn’t actually calling Hopper the liar he was calling himself “a stupid disgusting liar”out of self hate .  That scene was foreshadowing his lying to El in s3 (about his feelings for her). He blamed Hopper for his feelings for Will cause he told himself it wouldn’t have escalated if El had been around to ‘fix him’ . “I BLAME YOU! NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS OK! NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS OK. YOU STUPID DISGUSTING liar, liar, liar, liar”.starts crying.

- Mike says “i never gave up on you (to El). “ When moments earlier he says “it took her just like it took Bob.” HE’S LYING AGAIN. He always thought she was dead -he was just hoping she was alive so he didn’t have to blame himself. He felt bad for treating her like a “weapon”. Mike saw El and didn’t even bother looking for her in the woods cause he assumed she was dead and was hallucinating. Mike saw Will’s dead body- but heard his voice and got him from another dimension (for El he couldn’t even bother to walk into the woods). Despite going into the woods in the pouring rain 2x for Will in s1& 3. El and Mike both call for Mike in the upside down (Mike in the same ep only comes for Will).

- They barely spoke to each other and all they did was makeout for 1 ep (while Mike put a drawing of ‘Will (the fire wielding) wise’ on the wall to help him kiss her/ with rainbows pic everywhere in the room to signify he’s gay and lying).  All while listening to a mixtape Will gave him as he kisses El.As Mike moves her hands off him (and sings a song from ‘boy in the box’) and El says to Max later she doesn’t know if mike’s a good kisser . And Mike rushes to one of his many established double-dates with Will and lumax  (x). And Mike in s3 when dating el, removes the sign of the heart being propelled by a rainbow (which he had before meeting El in his basement) .BUT it follows him symbolically ,as a drawing of a heart being propelled by a rainbow (in el’s room- cause no matter how much he kisses el there, he can’t escape his rainbow/being gay.)

-as mileven kiss in s3 e1. We zoom in on the drawing of Will the wise (the lyrics over the pic are “a little more time can open closing doors”). And then Mike continues to sing this song from ‘boy in the box’ (cough closet).Will in s3e1 says he won’t fall in love and the song then a diff song plays “love that was new to you , you open up the door.” mileven at the end of s3 kissing in front of Will’s open closet door with Mike’s eyes open not kissing back , and saying he doesn’t “ remember “ the love you and just says it was “in the heat of the moment”. The mike song being from “boy in the box” (closet). And they make out to “I can’t fight this feeling” which the singer says is about wanting to admit your feelings to your friend of many years and being afraid it’ll ruin the relationship. Aka even when kissing El he’s thinking of Will and admitting his feelings and not being able to fight his feelings

- Mike saying about Max “awesome? you don’t even know her.” Dustin says “ i don’t have to i mean look at her.” El was said in s1 multiple times to look like a boy (specifically Will). So Dustin and Lucas had no interest in her -only Mike did. BUT when max (a girl who looked like a girl) arrived- they as straight boys  were smitten. And Mike was not interested at all (cause he’s gay). The fact people don’t realize Mike was rude to her because he thought Will liked her too makes me laugh - he even was 1/2 honest in s3 saying he was jealous of her  XD 

why in s3 (when she looks like a girl) the compliment to her look is almost the same as Hopper’s comment to her makeover in s2. Paralleling Mike to her dad is the opposite of romantic!

-people say in s3 Will saying “a day free of girls” is gay coded but everyone ignores Mike in s3 saying “BOYS ONLY”. Same energy.

-MiKE has more rainbows than Will: Mike’s rainbow bedroom blinds, the rainbow-heart wooden sign in the basement in s1, the rainbow heart drawing that says Mike in s3, a rainbow sticker in his room, byler standing behind a rainbow poster in s2. And Will with the rainbow ship and the girl he danced with having a rainbow hearts-hairclip.

- People mention Mike saving El in s3 was romantic ( when he hit Billy). But when Billy slapped max he charged in to save her too and tried punching him (despite their beef). that moment wasn’t romantic (unless you think madweheeler is- which no). Mike is just a good person- he also risked his life for dustin. He’s brave and will defend HIS FRIENDS. 

- we’re almost to the end for those not keeping tract mileven is compared to stancy, ted/karen,  karen/billy, stobin, Dart/Dustin, max &mike, barb/nancy, nancy & dustin, siblings & cousins & a parent/kid dynamic. And contrasted to byler.

- Finn, after s1, said the duffers told him,   Mike thinks of her as a “puppy/ “et” , and that Mileven was a  “first summer love thing”- foreshadowing what was mileven’s downfall during the Summer (aka s3). He repeats this “first summer love” phrase 2x.  Millie when he mentioned what the duffers said, rightfully thought the puppy thing was “awful”, but Finn was clearly told mileven doesn’t last -very early on.Summer love” by definition fails-as it only lasts during the summer.  

-It wasn’t a break it was a breakup. Like Max and Will said in response to Mike  “ she said she dumped your ass! That doesn’t sound like a break?!/ it wasn’t!’ Or El knocking all the candy out of the machine, except the kit kat Mike wanted. Slogan of kit-kat “ having a break , have a kit kat.” In other words, it was NOT a break. It was a breakup. Difference is - in s4 it’ll be El who can’t accept this fact , not Mike. Max having to correct El that Mike is her “ex boyfriend” after the breakup (in s3) foreshadows this.The other couples in s3 who fought -were always still paired together in framed shots (jancy/ lumax) were on a break (but got back together- by the end of s3,  not confident about their futures together, but they still have a distinction from mileven-based on such framing). That mileven didn’t get back together. El in s3 was always on her own and Mike was paired with Will (while the other couples were in frame). 

this could go on and on honestly. there’s so much other stuff proving mileven is not going to be endgame. Not to mention all of Mike’s queer coding (x) XD   

Ok so this may seem random but I just binge watched bobs burger, all 10 seasons of it. And I had always heard it was like American Dad or family guy, hell when I googled "what to watch if you liked Bob's burgers" or looked for shows similar American Dad and family guy came up. Now I hated family guy and American Dad growing up, my dad watched it and I just never enjoyed it. But I watched a compilation on YouTube of Bob's burgers and it seemed decent so I decided to give it a shot and im glad I did. Unlike American Dad or family guy, two shows that have the goal to offend people, and who's humor heavily relies on steriotype or references, Bob's burgers doesn't feel dated, doesn't rely on steriotype, it bases it's humor on putting these likeable character that you love into different scenarios and having them reacting to the world around them. And unlike a lot of shows, like I said watched all 10 seasons and it never really got repetitive or boring or annoying I honestly enjoyed every episode, every episode felt new and fresh, even if the idea has been done before. Now there are several things I enjoy about Bob's burgers and I just kind of felt like talking about it so

First, they all, not only love eachother, but also actually like eachother. Now I feel like a lot of people don't quite get what I mean by that. I personally love my mom, I do not like her, I don't like the way she thinks or acts, I always say that If I had met her at school or at work or something and was not related to her I wouldn't like her. I've seen many siblings who love eachother, they'll defend eachother and take care of eachother but for the most part avoid eachother especially if they're at the same school, they don't go out of their way to talk or hang out with eachother. This family all seem to actually like eachother though.

Which leads me to my next point. The Belcher siblings are personally my favorite part of the show, I was actually confused when I first started seeing them all together, because most shows seem to have that sibling relationship of love but not like, and while that's fine and can be realistic, I don't very often see a show that shows a good healthy sibling relationship of siblings actually liking eachother which can also be realistic and is a good thing to teach kids. The Belcher siblings are great, they of course defend eachother and take care of eachother but they're also friends. They walk together in between classes, theyre all in the same friend group, they go out of their way to hang out with eachother and play togetherand have fun together, they eat lunch together and scheme together. Of course they also spend time by themselves and will hang out with their mutual friends without their siblings and have friends outside of the mutual friend group, and of course they get into arguments and disagree with eachother a lot, what siblings don't? But for the most part they get along very well. You won't see any of them embarrassed to be seen with their younger siblings in or out of school, even Tina, the teenager of the group who's going through a lot for the typical teen problems including being embarrassed often and caring a lot about what others in her grade think, will hang out with her little brother and sister, and take part in their mischief, and eat lunch with them and doesn't have a problem with it.

The kids aren't the only one with a uniquely healthy relationship when it comes to these types of shows, we also have their parents, Bob and Linda. Bob isn't the steriotypicaltypical husband that's often portrayed in these types of shows, Bob isn't the husband that complains about how his wife is always nagging or jokes about how being married is awful. Linda isn't the steriotypicaltypical wife, Linda doesn't complain about how her husband can't take care of himself, or seem disgusted by her husband or seem exasperated by the kind of person her husband is. Strangely enough they seem to actually love eachother, and support and encourage eachother and care about eachother and enjoy spending time together and enjoy working together. They enjoy making small fun competitions with eachother and having fun and laughing together. They seem to bring out the best of eachother. And yes they aren't exactly in their honeymoon phase, and may not have that "spark" they first had when they first got together, and they're not exactly the pinnacle of romance, they are however a good representation of a happily married couple who genuinely love and like eachother and have been married for years. And of course they each have their flaws and they have their disagreements and arguments but who doesn't?

And the Belcher kids love and like their parents as well and enjoy being with them and involve them in their antics as well.

And they love and like their kids as well. And given each of the children it would be expected in a show like this for one or two of the children to be considered "disappointments" or "not as good as the favorite child" there's usually a kid who's clearly the favorite and one or more kids who's looked down upon by the parents and everyone else in shows like these, however Bob and Linda genuinely love and are very proud of each of their kids and they both have good relationships with all of their kids. Even in the episode where they spent the entire time showing just how much of a screw up gene was, Bob took gene aside and said that while gene could get distracted and could mess up at times that he was still very proud of him and loved him.

Bob and Linda support their kids in everything they do, even in the episode where gene got interested in "table setting" and got into a competition and his parents didn't quite understand it or understood why someone would enjoy it they still helped and encouraged him and expressed how proud they were that he found something he enjoyed doing.

It's a very healthy family and it's enjoyable to watch.

The show itself, although it has 10 seasons, doesn't ever get annoying or repetitive, every episode seems fresh, like I said binge watched the entire show and was actually pretty sad when I got the final episode and realized I was done and couldn't watch anymore, although the first season was great it got better over time, and personally I thought each season was better then the last.

I like that all the characters seem realistic, their was several episodes with the Belcher kids where I could imagine my younger self and my friends and brother doing similar things. And like I said the parents though loving also seemed like a realistic couple that have been married for years.

I also liked the consitancy. A lot of characters over time will become an exaggerated version of their former selves. For example a character like Patrick star or homer Simpson or Cosmo from fairly odd parents, who start off the show kind of dumb and clueless but not annoyingly so and are still enjoyable, over time will become so damn moronic that you wonder how they've managed to go this long without accidentally killing themselves and it becomes annoying and frustrating and they're no longer likeable.

None of the characters in this show have a character flaw that becomes so extreme they become unlikable, in fact all of the characters in the belcher family are likeable, and stay consistent, thats the point, you want to see them go through these things and want to see them win and come out on top because of how likeable they are. Louise is mischief, she's a prankster, but it's never to the point where she's unlikeable, she's still a good kid who usually doesn't go to far and when she does shes quick to see her mistake, apologize, and try to make it right, if anything a lot of times her pranks are to help defend other people or "bring justice" to people who have been wronged.

She may be a bit extreme but she's still a good kid and you want to see her come out on top. Gene can be loud and extreme and not really get hints, but he wants to befriend people and wants to help people, even though he can be gullible and a bit clueless and as a result can easily get roped into stuff, he tries to help people and make things right when he sees things going south, he's a sweet kid.

And Tina can be innapropriate, and can be selfish at times and not always see the big picture, but like gene and Louise when she sees that she's messed up she immediately tries to fix it and make things right, she has a stronger moral compass then either of her siblings and usually the voice of reason and helps people out whatever situation they're in, including her siblings who can often end up in some pretty bad situations, and is willing to take the fall for the sake of others.

Bob can by cynical, and a bit extreme about things he cares about (work, turkeys, Thanksgiving in general) and when he gets extreme he won't think things all the way through he'll just react, but he means well, he cares about his family and will put aside his obsessions for his family and is willing to sacrifice those things for his family. Hell one of the things hes obsessed with is Thanksgiving, he will make sure everything goes PERFECTLY and will get very upset if they're not perfect and will go crazy trying to make it perfect, but the reason Thanksgiving is his favorite holiday and the reason he cares so much is because of his love for his family and because Thanksgiving to him is being with your family. And even he is willing to sacrifice his Thanksgiving to be there for his friend, teddy, who's alone and without his family.

Linda can also be extreme and not think things all the way through but like bob, she means well, the times she gets extreme is typically when it involves her family and trying to do everything in her power to make them happy, and to do what she considers the morally right thing to do, even if it means going a little crazy and taking things a bit to far while doing so. I think a good example of this was when Louise got in trouble at school for causing problems, she was causing problems because a couple of kids were picking on a smaller kid and she was attempting to defend the kid, Linda thinks it's morally wrong to punish Louise for defending a kid and breaks Louis out of detention from the window (also breaking the school's AC in the process) to get her some ice cream all while having to avoid mr.frond, the school counselor who's around the same area. It's a good example of how it makes for a funny episode and flawed characters because of how extreme they can get but how they're motivation and reasonings makes them likeable and makes you root for them.

Anyway. I know this is kind of random it just kind of bothered me that I don't really see bobs burgers being talked about very often and I see it being compared to American Dad and family guy when, from what I've seen of the two shows, it's not really similar at all

I love your analysis on naruto!! If you want could you give your opinion/analysis on Itachi and sasuke’s relationship?

thanks :) and...wow okay 😩 I put all my shit about Itachi under the cut bc it got too long (naruto spoilers btw 🤨🤨🤨 for the whole series)

Itachi and Sasuke's entire story is just horrifically sad. What makes me so mad about the ending, is that there is no way that Sasuke could resign himself to Konoha after learning everything about the massacre. Nor would Naruto & Kakashi have ever forced him after learning the truth from Obito. Regardless of what Itachi wanted in the end—HE HIMSELF is like that because of years of manipulation from having served Konoha for 3 years under the ANBU.

So, it's not like what Itachi wants is even...something to fight for🤷🏾‍♂️ there are hundreds of life experiences he didn't go through because he became an ANBU at that age & then immediately defected. He doesn't even want anything for himself, his main goals were peace in the shinobi world & keeping his brother safe.

Sasuke doesn't even know the truth about the massacre until after he kills Itachi and learns all of this alone in a bar somewhere. The greatest conflict lies with Sasuke, because he looked up to and loved Itachi so much and then spent the rest of his life throwing everything away to track down and kill him. He refused to call Itachi his brother or even say his name until they see each other and he spends years conflicting over it.

I think Sasuke, with how smart he is, knew that Itachi just losing his mind and killing everyone made no sense. I also think no matter how bad of a person Itachi tried to make himself in Sasuke's eyes, every single other memory he with Itachi up until the massacre was good. Sure Itachi was distant before the clan's final moments, but he most probably didn't think too much of it when he was younger. Probably partially blames himself for that too. The whole thing just didn't make sense, but he's the only one left and he has to avenge them. And he probably didn't let himself contemplate on these thoughts too much because it'd feel disrespectful to the the clan that lost their lives.

So then upon learning the truth. Tbh, it's no wonder he just lost his mind. Like, I had a lot of things I was gonna say but like, no wonder. Like that one post said, the Uchiha genuinely love eachother to insanity. They feel too much, they think too much & it always leads them to this. I don't think any of them are inherently bad, just victims to how they're treated by others. And what's even more fucked up, is rememeber how Itachi gets re-animated during the war and they meet again, sure he gets some more closure but like...it's not like Itachi has anything new to say. At this point, there's like a very stark change of the way Sasuke sees Itachi. Idk it was real sad...I'm not making sense anymore 😄

SO THEIR RELATIONSHIP. TL;DR ...I think there was just a lot of longing and guilt on both sides. I honestly think, that if Itachi didn't feel so immensely guilty for the clan and dropped the act, he could've calmed Sasuke down when they met again in order to have Sasuke kill him. They loved each other very much and I think it's really sad that they both had to go through this on their own....yk. They missed eachother a lot nd it's really terrible how things turn out 🏃🏾‍♂️

There's a lot to Itachi, but also nothing much because of how short of a life he lived when you think about it. He's severely traumatised and all this trauma he goes through before he even turns 12. Konoha took advantage of that, like they did with any kid there and made him into a weapon. His best friend, the only people who shared and understood his views and sentiments kills himself after a GROWN ASS MAN stole his eye & he gives the other to Itachi. Then Danzo took even further advantage of that and asked a 12 year old to pick between letting his entire clan get killed or allowing him to kill them all and spare his brother. Then he defects and CONTINUES TO PROTECT KONOHA within Akatsuki, all for his brother. Then he dies at his brothers hand.

And doing this, Itachi decides that Sasuke is the one who should punish him for all these actions. Which is.....very bad, Sasuke was maybe 7-9 years old at this time. He's fully aware for his actions, but he has to deal with the guilt somehow and he pushes it all onto Sasuke so he can..."make himself stronger". Which is dumb as hell, but to him it's the best way for Sasuke to come out of the situation stronger. He genuinely thought that this was the best outcome and when Sasuke talks to him during the Great Shinobi War, he's so conflicted at how Itachi could think that was the best option. Idk im just recounting atp 🤷🏾‍♂️ but I think it's just really sad that Itachi thought that's all he could do for his brother & Sasuke very reasonably, ended up like that. Yk...just very twisted 😩 Ok thx for reading this entire mess

Dallas Winston Headcannons nobody asked for 🤷🏻‍♀️

Trigger warning ⚠️

A bit of nsfw in there too

Pre Tulsa, life in New York

• His mom was a drug addict and had Bipolar 1 disorder

• He has/had 4 siblings, an older brother (six years older) from his moms previous relationship, older sister (five years older) from his dads past relationship, a twin brother (who was trans ftm) and a little sister (eight years younger than him)

• He was always the one to take care of his mom during her depressive episodes when she wouldn’t leave her bed.

• She often left days-weeks at a time when she was in a manic state

• He practically raises his baby sister, she died when she was four due to cancer

• That was when he decided he hates kids cause they always reminded him of her

• he was always stealing and dealing to get his twin brother anything to help his body dismorphia and feel more comfortable in his body

• His mom often sold his body and his brother’s to her drug dealer when they couldn’t afford drugs (his dad did not know this at the time)

• his dad was actually a good dad till their mom walked out on them when he was 9, that was when he started drinking and abused Dallas because ‘you fuckin look so much like her’

• He was apart of two gangs in New York, one of which was a Drag Queen gang

• The one Queen lived beside him and always heard fighting, she took him under her wing and after his mom left they were practically the ones who raised him and his little sister

• the two older siblings and his twin left a little while after their mom did, that was when he learned you can’t trust anyone

• you bet your ass this boy dressed in drag with his queens, a master with make up, can’t change my mind

• can walk in high heels/‘stripper shoes’ like no other!

• started selling his body to strangers for money after his mom left and his dad started drinking to afford to feed his sister and himself

• His other gang was a bunch of stereotypical big mean, manly gang members

• He started dating a guy from said gang, this guy was hella abusive, controlling and manipulative. Also was twice Dal’s age

• when Dallas left New York he broke up with him and the guy beat the shit out of him and burned him with a poker ‘so you’ll never forget me’

In Tulsa/present?

• has some severe PTSD, also suffers from abandonment issues, anxiety, depression and Bipolar 2 disorder

• Loves him some Rupauls drag race, reminds him of his Queens and how much he misses them

• Acts so tough and mean because In New York he was tough and knew it but was always seen as the ‘little kid’ so going to Tulsa that wasn’t gonna happen again

• first people he came out to about being bi was Mr and Mrs Curtis

• they also found out he was selling his body for rent/food money and that was when they realised how much they care about him

• him and Mrs. Curtis were super close, she was the closest thing he had to a real mom.

• He is actually so soft behind the tough guy act

• cuddles? All the time

• is a total brat sub/bottom don’t @ me

• the gang found out about his Drag Queen past when he accidentally sent pony the wrong photo from his phone ‘you tell them you die!’

• he obviously blabbed

• everyone was shook.

• Johnny was amazed because ‘he’s so tough but so pretty!’

• two bit laughed but lowkey was impressed with Dallys confidence to do that

• Steve was just ‘if it makes him nicer and happier than whateva’

• you already know soda begged him to do his make up let’s ge honest

• Darrel was quiet but was also a good dad and was like ‘as long as it keeps him out of jail we will always love him’

• he was touched but also super embarrassed the gang found out about it, but was thankful they were cool with it

• gang 100% harassed him to wear drag for them Atleast once

• one day dallas brought his make up and shoes over, he did his and soda’s make up and wore his shoes and the gang was shook! ‘How can you walk in those?! So easily??’ ‘He looks prettier than half the girls at school!’

• all the support from the gang!

• Dallas actually reads a lot like pony does but doesn’t talk about it incase he gets made fun of for the books he likes

• is also really smart but plays dumb

• this boy LOVES vampires, they’re his guilty pleasure. We talking the vampire chronicles, the vampire diaries, true blood, he even liked the twilight books but will never tell a soul!

Dating headcanons!

General:

• cuddles all the time

• is very insecure and gets jealous easy

• surprisingly isn’t violent or aggressive when jealous, he’s scared if he is they will leave

• plot twist! Sylvia was actually a beard so Soc’s and other gangs wouldn’t know he’s bi

• they only said she cheated cause she was caught with another dude. The hate and hurt was all an act

• is a brat so will tease his dom in public subtly but so much

• is super clingy

• wants to be together all the time

• always needs reassurance ‘are you sure you’re still happy? Like I didn’t do anything wrong?’ ‘No, babe I love you’. ‘Oh okay, are you sure tho?’ 24/7

Johnny

• always getting Johnny to stay at bucks or his dads when his dad isn’t home so Johnny is safe

• feeding this boy all the time!

• when he hears dal is a bottom Johnny is shook but surpringly into a ‘daddy’ role

• drive in dates whenever they can

• they watch the stars a lot

• when Dallas is super anxious he picks at his nails a lot and Johnny holds his hands to help him feel a bit at ease

• when Dallas is in a manic state Johnny follows him anywhere he goes. Parties, fights, anything. He just wants to make sure he doesn’t get jailed again or hurt

• Johnny highkey loves when Dallas dresses in drag ‘you’re just so confident and hot!’

Steve

• watches while Steve works on his cars, he likes seeing Steve so interested and content

• when either of them fight with their dads they drive around all night and talk. They are both quiet about feelings usually but wanna be there for each other

• hangs around the DX while Steve and soda work

• both don’t say a lot normally but are always touching each other

• when Dallas is in a depressive episode Steve will come to bucks and just lay with him for hours

• They talk about both their moms walking out on them sometimes. They both swear if they ever met these women there would be hell to pay ‘how could she abandon this beautiful person?’

Soda

• all the spooning you could ask for

• Dallas is always complimenting him. ‘You’re so pretty wtf’

• on the anniversary of sodas parents death Dallas buys him flowers and they go to their graves

• when Dallas doesn’t answer his phone Soda highkey panics ‘what if he’s hurt?! What if he’s in jail ahain?’

• Dallas always feels bad about this and tries to make it up to him

• soda is always reminding Dallas he’s not alone and he loves him

• when soda really misses his mom Dallas and him talk about some of their favourite memories with her. Soda is still sad but it makes him a little happier knowing how much she cared about him and the one he loves so much

Two bit

• jokes 24/7

• when the gang isn’t around Dallas only calls him Keith or babe

• two doesn’t usually like his name but when Dallas says it he hates it a little less every time

• two bits mom wasn’t a fan of Dallas at first but after a while and gets to know him she loves him so much ‘mom I’m home’ ‘where is dallas’ ‘idk’ ‘tell him to come over I’m making his favourite dish’

• when two bit gets jealous or feels Dallas is he always puts his arm around his waist or kissing him so the person gets the hint

• twos little sister looks up to their relationship a lot and loves how happy her brother is

• two doesn’t stop drinking but slows down on it when Dallas mentions once it worries him sometimes

• Dallas and twos little sister get close really fast. Dallas is always giving her advice and one day brings her some old make up of his and she loves it!

• two doesn’t understand why dallas seems a little sad after times like these until one day dallas tells him about his little sister and how two should spend more time with her, ‘just in case something happens. I don’t want you to regret anything like I do’

• two makes a point to spend more time together the three of them after that

Pony

• they read together sometimes

• Dallas will go to literally any movie if pony is interested

• picks pony up from school everyday

• if Dallas gets arrested you know pony is lecturing him for Atleast a half hour. Dallas just sits there with heart eyes because ‘damn I missed this pain in my ass’

• dates at the Dingo are their Friday night ritual

• they both have terrible nightmares and are always cuddling and comforting eachother after

• Dallas is always saying little things to pony about his relationship with Darrel ‘I know he’s on your case all the time but it’s cause he means well’. Dallas then tells pony about his brothers and sister and how he wishes he could live with them and see them like pony can with Darrel

• pony and dar still fight sometimes after this but never in front of Dallas

Darrel

• they don’t go out a lot for dates but like to watch their favourite shows together (they kick the gang out for a few hours on these nights)

• Darrel brings out the brat in Dallas 24/7 and he teases him all the time until Darrel gets to a point he just looks at him and with a deep voice ‘bedroom now’ and Dallas practically trips over his own feet running to the room

• they are not quiet either! The gang sees them go in Dar’s room and they all groan and leave ASAP

• the gang found out about them when the gang came over and heard Dallas call out ‘daddy!’ And never let him live it down ‘how’s it going daddy’s boy’ ‘I will literally kill you two bitch’

• Darrel never celebrates his birthday after his parents die and Dallas puts an end to that so fast. He goes all out, flowers, presents, sexy time. Anything he can do

• always sitting on Darrel’s lap, clinging to him, hugging. All of it. He’s just amazed and thankful he has such a strong and beautiful bf who loves him

• dar once let dallas do make up on him and Darrel borderline didn’t like how good he looked in it

• Dallas got him to experiment in drag and Darrel felt hella empowered. Now they dress up together sometimes. But dar says only Dallas is allowed to see him like that

• this makes dal feel extra special and close to dar and he loves it

Tim

• sarcastism never stops

• Tim is quiet but really protective, he can say whatever he wants about Dallas but once someone says one bad thing they best be ready to square up

• patching eachother up after fights al the time

• they be kinky bitches man!

• after a nightmare Dallas told Tim a little bit about his ex and it took dallas an hour to talk him out of going to New York to kill this man

• Dallas does strip teases for Tim in his stripper shoes on special occasions.

• Tim didn’t tease him for his make up or anything, he actually found it real pretty on him

• Tim never lets him stay at his own place or bucks after they get together.

• Tim is Demi sexual

• Dallas heard his ex was released out of prison and has a sever panic attack. Tim was right there reassuring him ‘babe I’m right here. No ones gonna hurt you’.

• dals mom comes to town and Tim got Angela and her friends to give her a ‘Tulsa greeting’. Needless to say she left as soon as she came

This was so long and horrible I’m sorry

Special thanks to @sunlitcigars for helping with some ideas and encouraging me to post these

character A hasnt seen character B for years. they're both villians in a superhero AU and they reminisce about the old days where they worked together or had a common interest in killing a/the hero/s. They don't use their real names, just their villain names. Maybe they're secretly into each other, who knows. Go wild babe. i imagine they meet on top of a building and suprise eachother.

Nothing ever changed in the city Melusine called home. Once, a long time ago, she’d hoped it would. She’d thought maybe she could change it with her own two hands. Take it, and twist it, and make it new, better, make it a city she and her family could live in without – well. Everything that came with being different.

As she stared over the monotone greyscale cityscape, given colour only by the setting sun, she thought of how foolish she’d been.

She’d started being a Villain at seventeen. Young enough to hold such naïve hopes for herself and the future.

Melusine sighed, kicking her legs, which dangled over the skyscraper’s edge, back and forth. She sounded like an old lady, and yet she wasn’t a day over twenty-six.

Pigeons scattered up from the lane right below Melusine, a luxury car speeding past as if it owned the street. She briefly considered sending a bubble down, trapping the car inside, and letting it and its driver stay suspended for an hour or twenty-four.

Gravel ground under someone’s feet, behind her, to her right, and she instantly summoned five paralysis bubbles to her fingertips. She whirled around, poised to throw, but stopped short, almost frozen, when she was met with a familiar – albeit a little different – figure.

“Vougn?”

“Méduse?” Vougn all but gaped at her, posture and features openly displaying her shock. “Is – Is that really you, Méduse?”

“Vougn”, Melusine breathed.

“Méduse!” Vougn launched herself towards Melusine so fast, that Melusine, out of reflex (and necessity, she later realised, seeing as she’d been about to be tackled off a skyscraper), threw a bubble towards Vougn, trapping her inside.

“Hey!” Vougn whined. “This isn’t what I call a warm ‘Nice to see you again’!”

“Sorry.” With a flick of her fingers, the bubble dissolved. “Reflex.”

“Hmm, good to see you’re still sharp, even after all this time.”

“It hasn’t been that long.”

“Please”, Vougn laughed, walking up to Melusine this time. “How long have you been a Villain for? Ten years? And I haven’t seen you for the last four of them, so sorry if I’m pleased to see you haven’t gotten rusty in your old age.”

“Har har”, Melusine said with a fond roll of her eyes. “I’m old, laugh it up.”

“Awww, don’t be like that, Méduse.” Vougn shoved her shoulder, seating herself next to Melusine. “If it’s any consolation, you look just as pretty as when I last saw you.”

Heat flushed across her cheeks and nose, and she quickly turned to look back at the city, away from Vougn.

“You don’t”, Melusine said loudly.

“Aw, I don’t?”

Melusine’s face, rather than cooling down, became a tad bit hotter at Vougn’s teasing tone, and she turned her face away to the left even more.

“You look even prettier”, she said, only a bit clearer than a mutter. And it was true. Vougn had changed overtime. Cropped her dirty blonde hair to just beneath her chin, where it had been a long braid when she and Melusine had had their partnership, and she’d changed her colour scheme to a fetching black-and-red.

“Hmhm~”, Vougn hummed, victorious, teasing grin clear in her voice. “Thought so.”

“Your personality’s terrible, though.”

That shocked a laugh out of Vougn. “Well! That’s what I’m known for!”

“What a pity to be both beautiful and a bastard.”

“Oh, Méduse, if you keep complimenting me like this, you know how we’ll end up?”

Ah, well, that didn’t help Melusine’s long-held (and previously dormant) crush get out of overdrive at all.

“Locked in battle?” she tried, hoping her voice wasn’t several pitches higher than usual.

“Yeah. Taking down our very own Superhero together.”

“You mean Draft?”

“Him, and whatever other hero we want.” Vougn sent her a cheeky, dreamy grin.

“That does sound nice, doesn’t it?”

If only it was something they could do – something she could do. But she hadn’t been able to realise something that big for a long time. When they’d started out, she and Vougn had been a great team. Draft had been a bit of a novel hero then, too, and he’d been so much fun to toy with. Too bad that Heroes got actual training, while they had to figure it out for themselves. Really gave the Heroes a very unfair advantage, and the Villains didn’t get enough credit for their actually quite impressive feats. Not that anyone was going to praise a Villain.

“Remember back in our first year?”

The sun dipped below the skyline, rays of gold, molten sunshine illuminating them through the haze hanging over the city.

“I remember all our time together, so you’ll have to be a bit more specific.”

Melusine chuckled. “The first time we captured Draft? Got him to spread my sticking bubbles all over the city. He was so upset.”

“Oh, oh, yes”, Vougn chortled. “Of course! God, and when we hung him by a rope at the edge of that gargoyle? I lit a fire under him, and he got right to begging! ‘Buh-buh-buh-lease’! He was so pathetic!”

“He is! And he’s gotten such a big head now, despite only having some so-so wind powers. Borea has amazing control over it, and the tricks she does are amazing, but you don’t see anyone complimenting her.”

“The fate of being a Villain, I’m afraid.”

“And who names themselves Draft? Who let him name himself that?”

Vougn sputtered a laugh. “It’s probably the best he could come up with since he’s so damn daft!”

“Oh my god”, Melusine laughed.

“Right?” Vougn wiped at her eyes. “What would you have called him?

“Probably just Daft, I think that’s perfect.”

“It checks out, for sure, but really. If you had to give him a proper Superhero name, what would it be?”

“I don’t know…” Melusine twirled her hair around her finger. “Something cool? Like, let’s see… Zephyr?”

“Oooh, sounds fancy. What’s that from?”

“It’s the Ancient Greek name for the western wind.”

“Oh, man, that would’ve been so much more intimidating than Draft. Can’t believe I have to regularly beat up a kid called Draft and not Zephyr.”

Melusine bit back her laughter as she tried for mock-sympathy. “Oh, no, poor Vougn. Having to kick ass and not even having someone cool to beat up. However will the number three villain recover from this injustice?”

Vougn sniffed and wiped away an imaginary tear. “Thank you, it’s really hard.”

“How is it, though, being a big time Villain? Everything you hoped for?”

Everything fell silent for a long moment. Melusine was struck by the weariness of Vougn’s expression, the tired curve of her back.

“Well…” That bitter, breathy laugh shouldn’t come from someone like Vougn. She was upbeat, bright, and sometimes a little too much. She wasn’t quiet, or reserved. She wasn’t bone-tired and disillusioned. Not the Vougn Melusine remembered.

But then again, neither was Melusine the one Vougn remembered. The world had changed them both. Maybe too much.

Melusine, too, was tired.

“What about you?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you”, there was that cheeky tone again. Both a relief and a painful sting, since it was so obviously strained, an attempt to divert from her inner turmoil. “How are you holding up? I see you’re still rocking that jellyfish aesthetic.”

She motioned to Melusine’s blue-and-white, puffy (and jellyfish-frilled) skirted outfit.

“I’m getting kind of tired of it, actually.”

And of everything that came with it.

Maybe she and Vougn still made a perfect pair, after all.

“Oh. That’s too bad. I think it suits you.”

Melusine cracked a smile. “Thanks.”

They settled into a long silence. Dusk rapidly caught up to the time. The long shadows cast down on the city below disappeared into the dark. Only they, up on their skyscraper, were privy to the beauty and the setting of the sun, and the movement of the Earth.

Her grandmother loved dusk. Le Crépuscule, she always said, refusing to use the English word. Her grandfather had once told her he’d had to bargain with her to keep from naming their little crafts-and-herbs store that. She had to admire her grandfather. Her grandmother was a hard woman to bargain with.

“You know”, Vougn said. “When I first got these powers, I never imagined I’d turn out like this.”

She let fire dance across her fingertips, the bright orange flickering and casting a warm glow between them.

Melusine huffed, bitter and understanding. “Me neither. They always tell you you’ll be the hero, don’t they?”

“Yep.” Vougn popped the ‘p’. “But, hey, they also say everyone’s the hero of their own story, so I guess they’re a little right.”

“No, they’re not.”

“No, they’re not”, Vougn agreed, and snuffed out her fire.

Melusine closed her eyes and tilted her head back, face towards the clouding sky. This, this, was nice. Calm, quiet. Peace. She wanted that. No more battles, being yelled and cussed at, no more injuries and long days and late nights.

She wanted a life. A proper one.

“Vougn”, she said, softly. “I’m quitting Villainy.”

“What?”

Melusine looked back at Vougn, surprised by the disbelief in her voice, and even more at the distress on her face.

“I’m quitting”, she repeated, firm and resolute. “It’s not worth it anymore, Vougn. All of this, it’s just – ” She sighed. “I can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to.”

“But – but you had such big plans!” Vougn stumbled over her words. “Weren’t you going to change things?”

“And where have I gotten with that?” She looked at Vougn with earnest sorrow. “Tell me, Vougn, how have I changed anything? How will I ever change anything? We’re not the heroes of this story. At least, not me. Maybe you still have a chance. But I’m done, Vougn. I’m – I’m so tired.” She choked on fresh tears.

“Méduse…” Vougn hesitantly reached for her, hand hovering in the space between them.

Melusine clasped that hand tightly with her own two.

“Will you remember me?” Her throat was raw. Her feelings clawed, sharp and unbidden, up her chest. “When I’m gone. Will you at least remember me?”

Vougn swallowed thickly, frozen for a moment, but then she placed her other hand, gently but firmly, a promise and a reassurance, over Melusine’s.

“How could I ever forget you?”

Melusine let out a wet laugh, her smile wobbly.

The caress of Vougn’s thumb over the back of her hand was gentle, comforting.

“Méduse”, Vougn’s voice was soft. “I just – I want to –” She frowned, struggling. She tried again. “Will we ever meet again?”

“I don’t know. I hope so.”

“Me, too.” A pause. “I’ll search for you.”

Melusine smiled, soft, and for the first time in a long while, hopeful. “I’ll love to see you try.”

Idky people are hating your recent comic about the movie! But! I love it! I would've preferred something like this so that way I don't have to despise Pink Diamond so much cause she reminds me of my birth mother too much. I love this comic and think it's a great finish!

thank you so much, I really appreciate the support!

Yeah, the SU fandom is full of discourse. I was very surprised by how many people argued over it. 

Actually, I too would like to say something. This story really hits home for me as well. 

Spinel reminds me of an old friend. My story is almost exactly the same as this movie. And It’s as if I am Pink Diamond. 

Things were great for a whole year. My best friend ever. I loved her a lot, we laughed, and survived the harsh world of growing up together. But then a year later, I found new friends. We both brought more people into our group. So obviously, my attention wasn’t focused on just her anymore. 

Because our group got bigger, at some point I started taking breaks. I went for little walks around school to have some alone time. I was an introvert and needed to recharge. She would find me and follow me. 

At the start, I was annoyed with this. But she was still my friend, and I didn’t want to say anything mean to her. But then it started to become a problem. I was getting more and more stressed out with every time she followed me. She was like a little duckling following her mother, not knowing what to do. She basically would stalk me at school. It was really bothering me. 

And, we were in junior high at this point. I started to notice that highschool is coming up. Her mother was mad at me for acting so childish around her daughter, which instilled some of my habits into her. And I was getting severely bullied by other students at this point, including some teachers. I was under a lot of stress, expectations, and personal struggle. All of which Pink Diamond had gone through. My friend was going through all that as well, but it was almost as if she just wanted to ignore it. Escape it through the childhood we desperately clung to. 

It got to the point where I considered homeschool, I couldn’t take it anymore. I started sitting away from my group of friends at lunch. (I didn’t know how to say no to people at the time either. Took me a long while to figure that out. I always just wanted to run away from my problems because I was terrified of confrontation for personal reasons. To this day, I still am.) Pink Diamond is the same. 

My other friends found my hiding spot at lunch. I was annoyed with them at first too, but they were quieter. They weren’t as close. We were calmer away from everything. But we never told my friend. (Spinel) 

We started looking to see what she would do without us. She would be very confused and worried. She’d pace a lot. We’d laugh a little like we were hiding from her. Like it was a game. It was extremely fucked up. I think about it a lot. 

Things just got worse from there. The details are hazy, but at some point, she said: “Lately I’ve been looking at my kitchen knives.” She asked to borrow a knife from one of the students that she knew had one. I got up and left without looking back. 

Then she went to the counselors. She blamed everything on my friends. She told them they ruined her life. That they took me from her. We made a list of things that she did that upset us. It was far too long a list. It shouldn’t have been. She sat there crying as we told her what she did that bothered us. 

It hurt me so much to see my best friend turn into this. It hurt me so much to know that it’s all come down to this. 

Apparently, more counseling sessions went on behind my back. She apparently threatened my friends, saying she’d kill herself and write their names on her suicide note. The counselors took her side, and told my friends they can never step into their offices for help again. (What the fuck...?) 

At some point, she tried to act like everything was fine again. There was so much drama between us, but she had invited us to her birthday. We went and celebrated with her. But it was awkward and strange. She acted like the same person she did a year ago when the rest of us were changing and growing up in some way. 

We were basically leaving her behind because she just couldn’t keep up with us. She couldn’t keep up with our change. She didn’t want to change. She didn’t want to respect or accept our boundaries. She took it all as a personal attack. 

I went homeschool for two years after that. And she and her family moved. I don’t really know what happened to her after that. But I can only hope she found better friends. I can only hope she writes us off as terrible people and never thinks of us again. 

I feel so much regret and pain for handling the situation as I did, but again. We were in junior high. We were dumb kids going through a lot. We didn’t know how to properly communicate our feelings. And through not wanting to hurt someone, I ended up hurting her even more. It’s so much like Pink Diamond. 

But she was clingy. She threatened us. She turned all the adults against us. She tried to manipulate us into staying with her. All things of which, are Spinel. 

In a way, we both hurt each other. We are both victims and villains. 

So many people love Spinel. How could Pink Diamond ever leave her? Oh trust me. There was good reason. Had Pink told her the truth, I know for a fact things would have gone just as sour. You can’t tell a gem built for friendship that you don’t want to be friends anymore. That would NOT go down well. 

I find it so upsetting... that Spinel in the end replaced Pink Diamond. The Diamonds took her in like a replacement for Pink. Pink Diamond had wanted that for decades, she wanted them to be a family. She tried her best to prove herself, she tried her best to get them to get along. But now, through Steven’s gem, she has to watch Spinel, the villain who just came in..... who reset her friends, destroyed the Earth, and nearly killed her son, be deemed worthy of love from the Diamonds. 

Spinel went through a lot. But she also DID a lot. Does she really deserve this? I’m not sure. 

Pink Diamond hated having to entertain the diamonds. She struggled for decades to prove she was worthy of being a leader. Of being part of their family. She detested being treated that way. 

Spinel though was always built for friendship. Her entire being is surrounded in entertainment. She can handle the Diamonds, because she has no further expectations. All she wants is love. And they will give it to her. 

But controversial opinion.... the Diamonds ...and Spinel... they don’t really deserve this. Not after everything they’ve done. They can deserve eachother sure, but to have them gain happiness, to redeem THEM of all people when Pink Diamond’s past actions continue to rot Steven’s future... it’s not fair. Why can’t Pink get a taste of closure too? 

The past can’t be fixed, but there will always be hope for a new future. And I so desperately wanted Pink to come in and fix her mess. Just like how I, after all these years, still want to fix my own. I hope people can understand that. 

I really love how you write about James x Mitch, i never shipped them until i read your fic, what do you think each of them could bring to the relationship/why are they good for eachother? Your points of view are really interesting.

oh anon you have no idea what floodgate you’ve opened-

So, like I’ve said, it’s probably no longer a secret that jamitch is a guilty pleasure ship of mine. I’m absolutely in love with the idea of this ship. Hell, I’d go as far as to say that it’s my second favorite ship right behind clouis. I know it’s a little insane but let me start at the beginning. 

In ep2, both Mitch and James have decent amounts of screentime. 

Looking at James first, we’re shown this dude wearing another dudes face to blend in with the walkers. He’s soft-spoken, appears to be incredibly intelligent, and he comes off like he genuinely cares about Clementine and AJ’s safety.  He saves them from Lilly and Abel, and already we see just what a pacifist he is towards these walkers. He doesn’t stealth kill them; he throws rocks to make them go away. 

He mentions that he didn’t want to sacrifice as many, but he also didn’t want Clementine and AJ to be taken. He stops her from attacking a walker, suggesting she throw a rock instead like he did before, and we all know how far he goes with this way of thinking in future episodes.  

Now, keep in mind that James has no personal connections to these walkers and who they were before they turned. 

 Now, Mitch.

We’re shown that he’s incredibly angry about Marlon’s death and wants Clementine and AJ gone. He’s very harsh, trying to come off as intimidating when he pulls his knife on them and being the first to say they need to leave. 

When Clementine and AJ come back, he’s willing to put those feelings aside because the fate of the school depends on their teamwork, whether he likes it or not. And, again, he tries to intimidate Clementine with “If we survive this, you and I are gonna have words." and "Make her go. We send the one we don’t mind losing." 

However, at this point, it’s pretty clear that he’s all huff and puff without any blow. The more Clementine talks with him, the more he calms down and shares about his past in bomb-making. 

Now, let’s talk about Ms. Martin. 

She’s a walker now, but she was someone Mitch knew. As Ruby said, Ms. Martin stayed when all the other adults left and that has to mean something, right? But what does Mitch want to do with her body?

He wants to burn her because it’s not Ms. Martin, it’s a walker. 

“It’s better, you know. To get it over with. You get all caught up in who people used to be and you can’t deal with what’s in front of you.”

vs.

“It was hard to send the herd in. To help you…. I didn’t want them to die.”

Do you see where I’m going with this? 

Already we’ve got these two boys who are on completely different viewpoints of walkers and seemingly have opposite personalities. 

To James, walkers still hold something more, something peaceful and human. To Mitch, they’re just dead. They’re not people, they’re walkers. 

Now imagine these boys meeting.

One thing that I will always be a salty bitch about is the fact that both James and Mitch have plenty of screen time in ep2 but never get the opportunity to meet. 

Because if they had? 

How fascinating would it be to watch these two go from strangers with seemingly nothing in common to tolerable acquaintances to eventual friends to lovers?

When you look past their views on walkers, they actually have a few things in common, and I’m not just talking about them both getting murdered by Lilly c’mon

They’re both incredibly stubborn and set in their ways. The odds of you changing their minds on certain topics are slim, but not impossible. I actually think when James says, “I may be stubborn, but I’m not heartless,” actually summarizes both of them in many ways.

Both aren’t afraid to try and protect someone younger and weaker than them. 

This is what gets Mitch killed in canon when he goes after Lilly trying to save Tenn [as infuriating and stupid as it is] and we know how much he cared for and looked after Willy.  

We see James save Tenn at least twice; on the boat when he wrestles a gun away from the raider who was going to shoot Tenn and when he straight up punches the walker that grabs him in the cave. Not to mention him helping AJ when he was shot. 

They both use knives as weapons when fighting. Shit, James uses two knives! You can’t tell me that Mitch wouldn’t be impressed as shit seeing James take down a herd of walkers while duel-wielding knives. He wouldn’t say it out loud, though. He’d just be like, “Yeah, you’re not bad with those, I guess…” but he’s fucking screaming on the inside. 

When I think of these two, I think of them coming to an agreement: We keep the walkers alive because it’s beneficial to us so long as they’re contained and in no way endanger us. 

In my own writings, James and the Ericson squad have an arrangement. James scouts the areas around the schools and collects the walkers. He secures them in his barn and because of this, their hunting grounds are almost always free of stray walkers, making it easier and safer to hunt and travel. In exchange, James has a room at the school to stay in whenever he wants. 

He’s apart of the group after everything that went down at the delta. 

Mitch still doesn’t see walkers the way James does, but that’s okay. It’s not something that they constantly argue about because it’s not really an issue anymore. 

And you know what it makes room for?

James bonding with Willy [because the kid still things he’s a badass] which in turn makes Mitch try harder to get along with him. 

Eventually, Mitch doesn’t have to try, it just happens. 

James teaches Mitch all kinds of amazing blade techniques, and Mitch helps James with his archery skills. Can’t you see these two fighting together, side by side? See them hunting and scouting together?

James helps Mitch will all of his building and repairing projects, and they actually get to talk with one another about all kinds of shit. 

Mitch giving James emergency firecrackers to distract walkers with if things ever got ugly?

Mitch trying not to show he’s worried when James spends some nights out in the woods and being unable to wrap his head around it? Them getting into petty arguments about it but eventually making up when James finally opens up about his time with the Whisperers and all the horrible things he’s done? Mitch initially being freaked out about such a past but realizing that that’s not who James is anymore? 

These two dingdongs dancing around each other and their feelings for several personal reasons? To the point where everyone’s just fucking done with it?

Mitch refusing to subject himself to the potential pain of losing someone he cares about romantically? Causing him to suppress and downright ignore everything he feels when they’re together?

James having his doubts because of how sour his previous relationship went? Especially when he starts to realize that Charlie and Mitch actually have their fair share of similarities? 

Mitch going out of his way to do things for James then turning around and acting like it isn’t a big deal? 

Mitch just…. being so goddamn soft for him??? 

James’ feelings growing so strong that he begins to avoid Mitch and spend more nights out in the woods?

….I’m going to stop there because I actually have a whole scenario of how they actually get together planned and I don’t want to completely spoil it. 

Anyway.

 In conclusion. 

Mitch and James are a combination of characters who shouldn’t work based on their opposite views, but they do. 

In my silly little head, Mitch and James as a couple makes sense and I almost hate it? 

Because of course I would ship these two together. They literally never meet in canon! There’s no canonical evidence to back these two as a potential couple! 

Nothing about them should make any sense!

But I fucking love them anyway

I’m gonna die holding jamitch in one hand and clouis in the other. 

Ilia and Weiss!! (Schneemeleon? SnowLizard? Reptheiress?)

Who asks the other on dates: Ilia asked first. It was a shock to everyone. Especially Ilia. Basically Blake introduced them, “This is my teammate Weiss-” “DATE?” “Schnee....” “WAIT SHE’S A SCHNEE?” “So are we going on a date or is my name that much of a deal breaker?”

Who is the bigger cuddler: They’re both honestly on equal footing. Both are pretty touch-starved and essentially mush-ify when they get to each other’s arms.

Who initiates holding hands more often: Weiss actually. Ilia is often too shy or hesitates too much. Weiss claims that type of behavior is behind her and she’s prepped and ready to jump into things she wants. Ruby claims that a lie because she watches Weiss’s hands twitch towards Ilia while her face is struggling to focus for at least five minutes before they actually hold hands. Weiss then fought Ruby.

Who remembers anniversaries: Weiss remembers everything. It kind of shocks Ilia, who feels bad as she occasionally forgets some things. But she remembers the major stuff!

Who is more possessive: Weiss and Ilia both have their own personal way of showing possessiveness because both certainly fall victim to it. Weiss has small relapses to the “I’m a Schnee and this is MINE” thought process, while Ilia tends to just be umm...”Don’t look at her or touch her I’ll break you she’s mine”. Where on earth could she have gotten that mindset?

Who gets more jealous: Ilia is the one who gets jealous more often, as stated above. Though Weiss can get jealous....more deeply. Especially when Blake and Ilia reminisce on their past (the handful of good things in their past, not the bad)

Who is more protective: Weiss. Weiss has lashed out on several ocassions to those who claim Ilia should still pay for and suffer due to her crimes as a White Fang member. It has gotten so bad that R_BY, along with JN_R, has had to step in before Weiss made herself a criminal.

Who is more likely to cheat: Neither would do such a thing. Both seem to have a similiar reason. Neither wants to be alone anymore. 

Who initiates sexy times the most: The first night they...ahem...you know...they both initiated it at the same time. Leading to a very flustered moment between them both. Since then, Ilia gets a little frisky nearly every night. A reptile faunus needs to stay warm you know.

Who dislikes PDA the most: Qrow. Do you know how awkward it is to get information while two of the kids you’re babysitting are making out behind you? He ended up making a rule, “Only Yang is allowed to help Qrow get information.” When asked why his only response was, “Punching reasons...and she’s more likely than the rest of you to agree with my questionably legal tactics.”

Who kills the spider: Weiss always takes the spider outside. She asked Ilia to do it once and she...well...she ate it. Weiss gave no kisses that night, or the day after.

Who asks the the other to marry them: Weiss of course, it’s only her right as a Schnee after all. Ilia is shocked but accepts. The WORLD is shocked. A Schnee marrying a faunus? What madness! Though, Weiss is quick to put them all in their place.

Who buys the other flowers or gifts: Weiss showers Ilia with gifts, so much so that Ilia had to make Weiss promise to limit such things. Ilia herself gives Weiss gifts obviously, but they’re pratical and crafted things, mostly learned from her time with the Fang. They are built with heart, so Weiss loves them regardless. Not to mention a homemade spear would be a perfect first weapon for...well...let’s move on.

Who would bring up possibly having kids: Ilia mentions it occasionally, Weiss smiles at the idea but is uncharacteristically quiet and unopinionated on the matter, something that makes Ilia a little heartbroken. Though Ilia’s attitude is boosted a millionfold when Weiss casually states how the homemade spear would fit perfect in tiny hands. Ilia is clutching Weiss in a tearful loving embrace before the latter even realizes what she said.

Who is more nervous to meet the parents: Neither. Ilia’s parents have long since passed. And Weiss refuses to put her in a situation where she has to meet those that caused these deaths. The talk of parents is strongly averted in their relationship, even by friends.

Who sleeps on the couch when the other is angry: When Weiss is the one angry she tends to threaten Ilia with making her sleep on the couch, though by the time nightfalls is always either broken by puppy-chameleon eyes or has long since forgiven her. Ilia on the other hand, doesn’t make Weiss sleep on the couch (mostly for her constant desire of body heat, something Weiss is surprisingly good for), but will rather cuddle up with Weiss under the demand that she doesn’t speak until Ilia specifically forgives her. Oddly enough the majority of times Ilia wakes up with little to no recollection of what she was mad at Weiss about the day before, and life goes on happily...other times...Weiss finds ways to...”convince” Ilia of her forgiveness before the sun rises.

Who tries to make up first after arguments: Should the above not be implemented, Weiss tends to be the first to swallow her pride and apologize. The apology is always loving and directly from the heart. Ilia accepts quicker than most would expect, especially Weiss, who often only gets nearly half way through her well thought out apology before Ilia is sobbing in her arms apologizing herself for being angry. Both Ruby and Yang agree that seeing this occur is, “Better than television.” 

Who tells the other they love them more often: Despite the oddity of their relationship, both are clear in saying what their heart tells them. Both shower eachother in affection and praise. Ilia was the first to say, “I love you,” and says it often. Weiss usually says the phrase in a number of different ways, “You’re beautiful,” “You’re my shining sun,” “The way you actually just broke that girl’s teeth was amazing let’s go home right now.” Of course, Weiss has said, “I love you,” as well, and as genuinely as Ilia. But there’s something about the rarity of this statement that brings a flutter to Ilia’s heart, one she has never really felt before. 

fear thy fortune chatlog notes

thinking abt the underdeveloped au i have in that weird off color fantasy universe that i realized is probably similar in ways to bloodborne even before i knew abt bloodbornes plot but this is nice bc i can solidify parts of it and i can probably also combine it with the knights au i have

OK I FORGOT TO PUT A CW HERE BUT CW FOR ABUSE MENT AND GORE MENT

somewhere located in present day west asia slash east europe theres a country divided into numerous states in which princes and princesses (princex (poc)/princen/etc for gender neutral options) are perpetually in contest with eachother for the right to be the divine ruler of the country

monarchy is not guided by blood, rather the church is responsible for finding the chosen candidates via prophecy, fururesight, dream interpretation, etc, and these kids are taken from their homes and reared as royalty the nature of this country is ... severe. pain is a gift, proof that one is alive. much ceremony is based in sacrifice, bloodspill, bloodsports, and pain endurance. magic as practiced by the church is extremely powerful in terms of healing so almost all wounds can be healed provided the heart still beats its essentially one big huge freakish cult of a country that has customs that seem barbaric to outsiders

the divine ruler of each state is the princens, though more often than not their councils do most of the governing with the princen merely being a puppet figurehead. they go through rigorous training to sharpen their minds and endurance against all types of pain, so training includes physical, mental, emotional trials in which the princen is supposed to keep a clear mind, concentrate on mediation or some mantra, bearing whatever is thrown at them. additionally they receive the best training in both combat and politics as well as magic. not all princen can withstand the requirements ofc so they.. vary quite a bit in terms of stability/constitution. its a p sick system even without the knights added in bc thats super messed up

the knights essentially belong to their princens in heart body mind and soul, and each princen receives exactly one knight soulbound to them. they also undergo the same scouting process once the princen is identified, and they undergo similar training except theyre also essentially brainwashed into believing their entire purpose in life is to serve and protect their princen no matter what. obviously this aint healthy! knights delude themselves into it so hard theyll fight for the system that literally abuses them! but thats how cults work

that being said knights are extremely powerful. they act as the sole bodyguard of their princen and believe me you dont want to get inbetween a knight and their prince. they are known especially for their brutality when their lords are threatened. it is extremely common for limbs to be lost in skirmishes btwn assailants and a knight

this takes us to the games! which are essentially gladiator coliseum type bloodsport contests between knights of different princens. its a pretty big affair like how the Olympics are for us so the fanfare the cheering the everything is all there i prob dont need to describe it in detail but its very violent. its considered practice for the knights before the true battle-royale type event thats even BIGGER bc it determines who becomes god-king of the country. this time the princen join their knights in the battlefield and basically whoever is left standing is the new king

is it worth it? probably not bc i think being king actually means being killed to be sent up to the heavens bc god kings dont need bodies any longer in truth the entire debacle is a distraction set up by the church to keep the country under its own control. its super corrupt. the council behind every princen is actually made up of high ranking church members that convene regularly to manipulate the politics of the region

but thats mostly the governing sphere of this world. the commonfolk are removed from most of this violence aside from the indoctrination by the church and the messed up religion they practice. a lot of the belief system here relies on this concept of karma and fate over free will. fate is oppressive, cannot be changed, but god do they try that belief ties into how princen and knights are fated to be pairs, how princen are fated to either ascend to godhood or die trying

but there is one way to manipulate fates in this world there exists in independent of the church a monastery that practices the art of transferring karma. think of karma as a type of currency that can be spent, saved, used, etc. lots of good karma may be distributed amongst loved ones via a ritual headed by a monk, or bad karma can be "paid off" essentially. the amount of good/bad karma a person has directly affects their fortune and luck. this practice is more or less outlawed by the church but the monastery is slowly gaining power over the commonfolk and the church mostly leaves the poor folk to rot anyway- their agenda mostly concerns the monarchy

altho i can definitely see tensions rising with the witch hunting as influenced by the church. particularly nefarious visions may result in blame being thrown around and commoners getting killed for crimes they have yet to commit and thats thanks to the teachings of the church

anyway as of rn though the monastery is still pretty small but it is an old, ancient organization with magic that runs far deeper than the magic of the church. it is a much more subtle magic- monks practice little offensive magic (they are a nonviolent sort anyway) but the ability to exchange karma is rare and has far more reaching impact in the long run i imagine they have strongholds further to the east but anyway theres one trump card the monastic order has

a subsection of the order is dedicated to the keeping of miracles. and miracles are... monsters! they are semi-physical manifestations of literal suffering and the sheer emotional energy provided by them is enough to give miracles the power to.. well. perform miracles.

when a person dies in anguish, there is a chance that their bodies will not decompose the way they are meant to. instead they slowly dissipate, bodies turning coal black and ashen to the touch. these cannot be disposed of the normal way (curses, contamination, all kinds of horrible things happen) so instead these corpses get locked up inside brick cells within the monastery

once, one of these was opened only to reveal that the bodies were gone- only a humming, massive shadow that seemed to move as if made of flies or soot combined. and it spoke, too. this was the first miracle created it was discovered then that these creatures had immense power but could not leave the rooms they were imprisoned in, touch sunlight, and similarly they could not die

imagine like the witchs nightmares in pmmm and you get what its like to be a soul trapped in a miracle. u get to relive ur worst fears and regrets forever. it suck miracles also cannot direct their powers towards their own will, only the will of others. ofc they are still monsters and exact a price for their services, whatever it may be.

a meeting with a miracle does not come cheap or without consequence, bc although miracles can be performed, karma always rebalances itself in the end. monks tasked with guarding and curating the miracles are called gatekeepers and are often someone close to one of the souls trapped in the vortex anyway i think thats the basics of everything in there... i got an au w cyrus as a prince and alex as his knight and instead of sticking around for their inevitable deaths the pair run off into the countryside far far away

actually i think something went wrong in the ceremony. cyrus and alex win godkingship of then... something goes wrong. probably the whole die-to-ascend thing is a secret kept from the princen and the public and. alex does a thing a knight should not do a refuses to let the ceremony continue. and im p sure as soon as cyrus learns of the truth hes like haha well fuck that

then they spend the rest of their days actually experiencing what life is like outside of a freakish cult and my fucking feels

i think.. meanwhile the monastic order grows in influence and power making them the enemy of the church... and jonah (yonah in this au) sacrifices himself to the miracle containing his brother in order to give the miracle a corporal form. which means august and company now have a physical conduit for all that power they had.

bad news for the church! bc august was unrightfully killed bc of a prophecy saying that hed become a huge threat and a killer

funny how prophecies work!

so now hes out for blood and he probably uses his own charisma and power to stage a coup against the church and basically the country goes to hell and i think at this point cyrus thinks. i got out of there alive. i need to do something about this. so he and alex probably join in and become arbiters of the game esp since cyrus and alex were probably the best synced, most skilled prince/knight duo the church had seen up to that date so theyre very powerful. ofc theyre still only two people so i really wonder how theyll step in btwn these two opposing parties

augusts side isnt good either bc august... is only out for revenge and self interest. he has no interest in fixing the country or helping anyone in fact once august is firmly seated on the throne of power he probably declares himself god-king anyway the end game probably looks like augusts body (which is jonahs body) being destroyed and the miracle contained in it finally put to rest jonahs soul must have something to do with the exorcism process- theyve tried to exorcise miracles before and only ended up upsetting it into violent outbursts anyway thats enough rambling from me time to paste this all into a blog post

god what if august picked keith to be his knight. thats messed up. keiths so easy to manipulate and hed be such a wildcard of a knight. he has more magic potential than alex and hes faster on his feet. im imagining bloodlust frenzy almost hyena-like behavior. also i mostly just want to see keith being violent and evil and i have an outfit in mind that would look great with a little splash of red

think like minimalistic ouji but like all black and keith with knives and serving a clearly twisted (even more than usual bc of the miracle’s influence) august

god even better the aftermath of augusts death TIME FOR THE FUCKING FEELS TO KICK IN BC now Keith has no purpose/he FAILED to protect his king WHICH WAS HIS ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE then alex coming in with cy and just no, you have inherent worth. what happened wasn't right im upset this is how alex and keith become family in this au

miracles i think in this case are definitely more of a means to an end i think narratively ie jonahs brother being killed and augusts soul being trapped within it- tho i think its a good tie-in into how the severe paranoid cultish way the society works ends up producing a lot of People Dying In Extreme Anguish

almost a buildup of sickness so to say.. a plague of the soul that's a cool avenue to go down tbh the idea that miracles are more like viruses spreading misfortune in the long run for some quick gain in this life but bc karma always collects her debts if i throw in some nice reincarnation that would effectively damn someone in their next life... that implies that this story may need to expand across different generations

mechanics being so much bullshit has happened in this country it houses multiple miracles whereas elsewhere its like one, or none, very few in their histories except possibly during wartime and famine

since magic is Exists in this it makes sense that the emotional energy combined w ambient energy would manifest in some kind of grotesque Being

oh no thats maybe why the church is manipulating things by purposely generating that emotional trauma in its society its producing unprecedented amounts of energy they can utilize as magic power oh  no thats super bad august would definitely take advantage of that bc hed definitely figure the truth out once hes back to being alive

im upset bc i think they use princens and knights to specifically create emotional energy

energy released upon death which typically happens after a knight/prince duo has been chosen... then the resulting STRONG ass char plague on their bodies are collected to make artifacts? yes

gems created from the ashen plague are embedded into a huge mandala that actually ... is the god-king itself

this post used to be a link to the old canons page but i’m turning it into a text dump of the revised one for people on mobile [or who have bad wifi/computers that the fancy schmancy script on the canons page wouldn’t play well with.] theres a lot sorry not sorry. here we go.

Canon Info

 Much more is said about Annie in external sources than the game itself, here's copypastes of all I know of and go by.

From the 3rd DLC Character Voting page:

As popular figures in nationwide folktales, a children’s television adaptation of Annie and Sagan’s adventures was inevitable. The show’s success lies in its pair of live action hosts, who are as convincing as their cartoon counterparts. Though what the public learns about the real Annie might surprise them. Annie is a seasoned fighter who has been around for a long time, acquiring many skills and powers along the way. Her sword is forged from a meteorite and can channel the power of the stars in its sweeping cleaves. Her right eye bonds her to her Remote Parasite and partner, Sagan, who grants her powers of a galactic motif. While some of her abilities carry more of a sparkly magical girl motif, Annie tries to execute them with the same sternness.

From "The canon info thread" on Skullheart Encore forums:

-Annie is several-century-old. Her immortality was gained when her parents wished on the Skull Heart so that Annie would never have to experience the hardship of adulthood, thereby making her forever a child. -She has had many different weapons and abilities throughout her life. - Sagan, her remote parasite. keeps her right eye in his mouth. - She’s physically not able to swear due to her condition - She is familiar with Double due to her experience fighting Skullgirls - Annie has encountered a lot of Skullgirls and has killed a lot, but not the same a lot. She’s seen the cycle multiple times and seen how they become stronger each time and is looking for the underlying source now. - The Annie of the Stars show is very similar to the Super Mario Bros. Super Show with live action segments with cartoons and PSAs and commercials in between. - Sagan can talk. Somehow. - Annie hides her immortality by getting a new hairstyle every few years. The show tells the audience that they have simply changed the actress. Eliza also pulls a similar trick

and finally some other misc. scraps that weren't covered above:

-annie has some kind of "super" or "powered up" form, in which she seems to fuse with sagan. it can be seen on her

move concept sheet, in the end of robo-fortune's story mode, and as a very tiny feature on one of robo-fortune's merch posters, but to my knowlege it's never really been talked about.

-she's been depicted with an "incognito outfit", presumably for going out in public and not being recognized by fans.

-sagan is named after renowned astrophysicist carl sagan. this isnt really relevant to anything but it's not on the wiki so i figured i'd share :b

-and this random pic of annie in the past with a different look, plus gun and minus eyepatch, apparently official art from the "digital art compendium". i haven't seen the source for this one myself though, and count this one more as speculative canon since that ingame image up there with her eye uncovered doesn't show a scar or any kind of damage from this.

-another canon fact about annie is she is strong and brave and i love her.

Headcanon (Annie)

this is pretty disorganized bc i come up with and revise random shit on a fairly regular basis, but the very least it should be all here and up-to-date. [though on this text post version i may forget to keep it updated oops.

she can still only normally see from the one eye in her head [and likewise probably has terrible depth perception lmao], but she can “project” her vision into the one sagan has if need be, during which time both he and her main eye are blind.

even though sagan’s vision is his own and she doesn’t actively “see” through that eye most of the time, the stuff he sees still becomes part of her memory and she can recall it if need be, though it’s far less tangible and kind of a surreal experience trying to do so.

the space where her other eye was is now just...space. like empty starry void stuff. yes, TECHNICALLY, you could put stuff in it but why would you. sagan can feel when something interacts with it and it’s really just weird and uncomfortable for both of them.as sagan is the source of their powers, the strength of her abilities is slightly dependent on her distance from him. something like long sustained flight is really only capable if they’re touching, but she still has ample firepower and ability to zip around for a pretty good range otherwise.

Not interested in anime

absolutely hates being called her full name; hasn't gone by anything other than "Annie" for longer than anyone that should be alive today should know.

part of her curse of eternal youth is remembering everything up until the point it kicked in and she stopped aging [i.e. when she was Actually a kid] exactly as well as if she hadn’t aged.

from that point however, a lot of it is hazy as shit aside from more recent times [as you’d expect from someone who’s been around hundreds of years]. this one's gonna be angsty as shit when i address it and you can thank @sandstriker for that. fucker.

also hates being restrained. by the concept sheet and beo's story, her fighting style is very kinetic and relies heavily on mobility; take that away and you get one very uncomfortable and very angry starchild. [this one's 'cause of y'all with the handcuffs asks. this is part of why she's so agitated rn.]

what's in the pouch? whatever is alternatively convenient. is it snacks? is it a quick incognito disguise? is it her whole entire sword? who knows. i think it might be infinite hammerspace in there.

i haven't put much though into this side of her story yet, but i've decided part of the mythos of the "annie of the stars" character as a figure of legend is that she literally lives, among the stars.

if there's enough folktales about her to base an entire show off of, i'm willing to bet she used to be less elusive when she was just about fighting skullgirls before dedicating herself to the whole "looking for the underlying source" thing.

Headcanon (Sagan)

tl;dr: as far as things go here, he's essentially a cat and/or younger sibling.

Sagan's canon information and characterization is basically nonexistant, so i got to do pretty much whatever i wanted with him lmao.

simply put, he's a little gremlin of a partner, but he is genuinely good-natured and a happy-go-luckly little dude. mischevious, loves to get up to Shenanigans, go off and hide/disappear to fuck knows where for several hours, climb and sit on tall things[or failing that, annie's head], etc. @sawkinator has described him, regrettably accurately, as "the Token Disney Animal Sidekick". he has a lot of mannerisms like an animal, but is still very much a being of at least average human intelligence. he's also surprisingly indestructible. far from invincible of course, but in canon he's been shown to be quite stretchy and...possibly have minor shapeshifting capabilities?? he's pretty much immune to being squashed and feels very little [if any] pain from most things. really, as far as i can tell he's pretty much a weird sentient plushie. like, if it's not going to damage a plushie, it's not going to hurt him; examples being: getting knocked back really hard or falling a long way? not a problem. fire? problem.

Sagan tends to be somewhat nonverbal and generally only uses a few words or short phrase at a time when he does speak, which sounds something like the voice clip below. that being how it is, he can be kind of inscrutable and more than a bit jarring to most people--though at this point annie's been with him more than long enough to be completely desensitized to it and doesnt quite get why anyone would be perturbed. fortunately, with that familiarity also comes understanding, and she can easily "translate" and articulate more from his expressions. this understanding is a two-way street, and on its other side is sagan's sensitivity to her moods. annie's not particularly...communicative of her emotions, but sagan can always tell when she's having an off day or something's bothering her, and is far better than anyone at helping her feel better. all things said and quirky antics aside, he and annie are exceptionally close and fiercely protective of eachother the moment it comes to it. they don't make a big deal of showing it outwardly, but they know they've always got eachother's backs.

he's taken quite a liking to beowulf as well, and beo defintiely shamelessly enables sagan's shenanigans.

as i see it, annie may be the passion and power of their operation, but sagan is the heart and soul. beowulf is like....comic releif and emotional support. not entirely necessary, but certainly welcomed to have around. yeah. listen im a big sap i just want them all to be good friends ok. i love them.

also sagan does like and watch a lot of anime.

Blog Canon

miscellaneous happenings that either have continued relevance/significance, or y'all just won't let die. there's not a overarching plot to this thing at all, but geez we’ve kinda gathered some history here huh?

taught sagan to say fuck [and other swears, in her stead]. he used to have to do it on command but he's gotten really good at filling in for her.has a

stoat fursona that beo helped her make. she thinks it's neat/cute but has no real attachment to it.

attempted to sue the crystal gems for ripping off her entire shtick [it didn't go well]

beowulf also taught her how to dab.

@sparkeletran is a nuisance and must be stopped

the 70$ pile of high school musical merch. sagan and beo both wear the t-shirts sometimes. she hates it. don't let her attitude fool you though this is actually the best and most important ongoing joke in this whole damn thing.

the first handcuffs stint. they’re gone now but they had a good ~30-post run, and she did take to learning lockpicking because of it.

this.

hey. guess fucking what lads. handcuffs ROUND TWO 'cause y'all just don't fuckin' quit. the first mini story arc sorta thing, in which she visits the cirque des cartes and has an aggravting encounter with taliesin. [currently ongoing][hopefully soon ending]

[[redacted for ""spoilers""]] due to said encounter with taliesin

sparkeletran is a nuisance,

"the official annie of the stars instagram is just cat memes but with sagan" it's canon but i haven't decided whether it's something she would have had already or a recent thing. [either way, hasn't been touched on yet due to the arc taking so long]

badart annie is sorta like her own thing at this point but nothing that happens with her is canon; she p much just shows up for exceptionally dumb posts. we did give her noclip though which is terrifying. on that note i may as well include the things that are Not canon but y'all won't let me forget

beo's animated belt thing. look. it doesnt talk.

spray-on boots.

the lawnmower weapon

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh homestuck

R76 Valentines Day 3

(Ao3 Link)

New Blood

Jesse McCree had seen many strange and messed up things throughout his life. Hell, being part of a violent gang of gunrunners made it sort of inevitable. Being forcibly enlisted into a clandestine black ops organization only ensured that he would continue to see strange and messed up things. The sight before him, however really took the proverbial cake.

He had not expected to be interrogated by anyone of high rank, let alone two war heroes that even he recognized. They were the two scariest men he had ever met, Reyes was danger personified and Morrison radiated authority like the sun radiated light. The fact that they were there confused him, when they offered him a chance to escape jail and do something with his life he thought they were crazy. He said yes.

Reyes’ training to get him ready for field ops made him question his choice more than once. Though the occasional bits of praise as he improved made him swell with pride. The strike commander stopped by to check on himfrequently. The man's smile should have been classified as a weapon, it could kill if he wanted it to. Somehow Jack made him feel inadequate on accident, it would have pissed him off if the man wasn't so damn nice.

Morrison had introduced him to Ana Amari, sniper extraordinaire. She took a skill he had developed naturally and turned it into something so much more. A few months in and she had him at a level that she found passable, something he would learn is very high praise coming from her. Ana introduced him to Fareeha, her daughter. A precocious little thing that dragged Jesse into trouble all around the base.

He had begun to grow comfortable in his new life when he first happened upon it. The two men who had dragged him into this life were sitting alone in the red room late at night watching a movie. Reyes rested against Morrison, head sitting on the man's lap as the strike commander fed him popcorn.

If that wasn't strange enough, the Blackwatch commander whispered something to Morrison who proceeded to turn red in the face and drop half the popcorn bucket on the other man's head. In response, Reyes giggled. The scariest man on the freaking planet was lying in another man's lap and giggling. Jesse had no idea how to handle the situation, it was unreal. So he did what anyone would do in such a situation, he backed out of the room quietly and pretended like he hadn't seen anything.

Jesse was perfectly prepared to go the rest of his life pretending that night had never happened. I mean, he wasn't going to go nosing around into either of their personal lives, he may not have always been the brightest kid, but he wasn't suicidal. He would realize that his decision was useless when he stumbled upon the two of them in the gym locker room a week later.

The two of them had been sparring earlier. Jesse had never seen his commander spar with anyone before, said that no one could really handle him but Morrison. Their fights apparently always drew a crowd, people wanted to see the two super soldiers duke it out. They fought like they could read eachothers minds.

They circled each other slowly, occasionally throwing out a quick jab or a sharp kick to test the others reaction and probe for an opening. When Morrison kicked Reyes blocked and tried to unbalance him. When Reyes struck, the blonde dodged and tried to get around him. Jack was faster, lighter on his feet while Gabriel was the stronger of the two. The seemed to go on forever before Morrison was pinned to the floor, Reyes victory tainted a bit by the split lip and black eye he had gotten for his trouble.

“That desk jobs making you rusty Jackie boy,” Reyes teased, ignoring the crowd around them. Jack merely laughed in response.

“Black and red really suits you Gabe, besides I'm still up by 1 by my count,” Jack's grin was almost as brilliant as his smile.

“Yeah, yeah, that's only cause you got lucky and we don't have time to even the score nowadays,” He stared longingly at the man pinned beneath him.

“Okay everyone, shows over,” Jack announced even as the crowd had already begun to disperse. The man's face was smeared with Reyes’ blood as it dripped From above, though it didn't seem to bother him at all. Gabriel is smiling softly at the strike commander in a way that unnerves Jesse, that man should not be able to look domestic and cute. The two of them walk off together whispering in each other's ears, Jack’s rich laughter echoing through the halls.

So apparently the two commanders were together and nobody told Jesse, typical at this point. Nobody tells him anything after all, but nobody seems willing to even talk about the things that the cowboy sees. It's strange because it is impossible not to notice the shared looks, the contact that drags on just a little too long, the way Reyes perks up when Morrison is around. Hell, the commander's training was almost humane whenever the blond was around.

Were other people confused, oblivious or ignoring what was going now? Those really were the only options at this point and if anybody could give him a straight answer it would be the woman on base who wouldn't be intimidated by a tornado.

He knew where to find Ana if she was on base and there was nothing important for her to be doing. Early in the morning she would stop by the mess hall for tea or coffee, depending on whichever she fancied at the moment. Today was apparently a coffee day.

“Something on your mind Jesse?” She asked before he could get out a word. She always could read him so easily, though she read most people easily. She had eyes like a freaking hawk.

“Umm,” He stammered, not really sure how to broach the subject with any tact. So instead he did what he often did in awkward conversations. He just blurted out what was on his mind. “Are Morrison and Reyes a thing?” Ana's face first betrayed her surprise at the question, then she laughed. The laughter rolled from her shoulder, a deep full body laugh.

“What makes you think that,” She asked, a smile on her face.

“It's just the way they act around each other. Commander Reyes is always so serious and severe, except when the strike commander is around. They touch each other more than is normal, they will stare at each other, Reyes even smiles and laughs around Morrison. Either no one else notices or they refuse to talk about it or something,”

“You've got a sharp eye and good instincts,” The sniper told him. “A lot of people don't see it cause they're not really looking. Some of us know but it's no one’s business really.”

“How long have they been together?” He was curious to know more now and Reyes sure as shit wasn't going to be sharing anything.

“Oh they've been together since before the crisis, before we met. They were much more obvious about it when the world was ending,”

“They're so different…”

“Yeah, they are, but Jack is a bit of an ass when you get to know him and Gabriel really is a sweet guy underneath all of that,”

Jesse raised an eyebrow at the claim. He couldn't imagine Jack outside of the shining beacon of fucking wonder that he always radiated, and sure, he knew Reyes wasn't as bad as he liked to pretend. I mean, he did take Jesse in instead of throwing him in jail and he helped the kid acclimate through the transition. He even let the cowboy keep his hat and gun when he didn't have to, but sweet is the last thing he would describe the man as. Then again, he is so different around the man he loves, maybe it's an out of work thing.

“I have never met two people more in love then those two men Jesse,” There was a soft smile on her lips as she spoke of them fondly. “Watching them over the years, it seems like they were born for no other reason than to be together,”

“Why are you telling me all of this,”

“You're a part of this little family now and there is no point in hiding it from you when you already know,” She replied simply. “I mean you already have to deal with them acting like your parents,” She laughed again as realization dawns on the young man.

“Oh my god. Is that why they treat me like I'm some little kid?”

“Well that and the way you act,” Ana smiled again as he pouted. “They are much the same with my little Fareeha. This is, for all its faults and troubles, our home and yours if you can deal with two crazy father figures who are madly in love and at least a little crazy,”

“Not to mention the nosy mother who gets involved in everything,” Jesse mumbled under his breath.

“Someone has to keep the place from falling apart and our two fearless leaders are too busy dealing with things outside their little family to manage that,” He refused to meet her eyes when he realized that she had heard him.

“So, just to be clear, this is some kind of secret?”

“It's something that we prefer to keep in the family,”

It was strange, but the thought of belonging to an, admittedly, very strange and eclectic family that fought for world peace sounded really good to Jesse. It reminded him of what Reyes told him when he asked how this would be any different from being in a gang. It occurred to him that the commander was trying to tell him that in his own way, that this would be his new home, with a new family that would stick by him and a cause worth fighting for. It didn't sound too bad at all really, though he could do without all the running.

My forever OTPs Masterpost

 Okay so I am a classic fan-girl. I can love a lot of tv-shows, but what gets me addicted are the shows with amazing characters and relationships. You know those ships that steals your soul and you daydream about then instead of your own life? The ships where they are imperfect, but they make eachother better. Yup, those ships. 

(These are in no special order, because all my forever OTPs are my babies.) 

1. Buffy & Spike (Spuffy) - BtvS

She is the vampire slayer. He is a vampire. They started of trying to kill each other. But somehow they never did.. Long story short he fell in love with her. Helped her save her sister. Helped save the world. He was there for her when she felt broken and lost. Sure, these characters had one of the roughest stories I’ve ever been invested in, but I never stopped loving these two characters. He hurt her, but then he fought to get his soul back. For her, to be the kind of man she deserves, 

Favourite quote: 

Spike: You listen to me. I've been a live a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I prefer you didn't. Don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I've only my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain, so I make a lot of mistakes, a lot of wrong, bloody calls. A hundred plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of -- you. Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, it's not because I want you, or because I can't have you, and it has nothing to do with me. I love what you are. What you do. How you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you, and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy.

2. Rory Gilmore & Jess Mariano (Literati) - Gilmore Girls

Okay so who was Rorys best boyfriend has always been a BIG part of the Gilmore Girls universe. Imo no one even compares to Jess! Bad boy moves to small town. Boy meets girl. They fall in love. Their connection was real and they challenged each other on so many levels. Their relationship was pretty brief, which sucked. But Jess came back for a visit on several occations and he was always the one to get Rory back on track when she felt lost. He understood her better than anyone. No one will ever convince me these two didn’t get together in the end, even if we never got to see it happen. 

Favourite quote: 

Rory: We're studying. Jess: You're studying. I'm prying into your personal life.

3. Kate Austen & James “Sawyer” Ford (Skate) - LOST

Okay so I have no words to tell you how much this ship meant to me. It was my first ship where I actually were a part of a online-fandom and these are friends I still have now, 10 years later. But THESE characters.. her sass, his nicknames.. they break my heart. Lost gir & lost boy. Together they were perfect, with a chemistry that still to this day can make my heart skip a beat. 

Favourite quote: 

Sawyer: You taste like strawberries. Kate: You taste like fish biscuits.

4. Emma Swan & Killian Jones / Hook (Captain Swan) - OUaT

So I’m a Disney addict. Like, I moved to the other side of the world twice to work for The Mouse. Fairytales has always been my thing, so me being addicted to Once Upon a Time was a given from the start. I was a casual viewer for the first season, but then this man (Captain Hook!) showed up, and my life has been all about Captain Swan since that moment. He was a villain (but not really, he wanted revenge for his first love) and then he met Emma who is sunshine and everything good. She has been alone most of her life and her walls are so high no-one can get close. Together they make each other better. He works hard to be a good man for her, and she finally finds someone who will never leave her and treats her like the princess she is. They are so good together, true love. 

Favourite quote:

Killian: With all this talk of authors and the book, we've never discussed one fact: I was a villain. Emma: But you're not anymore. Killian: Neither is Regina, but she still lost her happy ending. If we're to believe the rules of the book, then it's only a matter of time before I lose mine. Emma: Wait. If you're afraid of losing your happy ending, that means you found it. What is it? Killian: Don't you know, Emma? It's you.

5. Clarke Griffin & Bellamy Blake (Bellarke) - The 100

Aka. my sun and moon, king and queen of the ground, and all-around adorable hurt puppies. Started out not liking each other very much, but  found themselves working better as a team and as leaders of their people. They have a deep connection, and work together perfectly. She’s the brain, he’s the heart. They have tried doing things on their own, but turns out they work better together. Clarke and Bellamy trust each other completely and they would die to protect each other. Plso their chemistry is insane, been shipping these since like..the second episode. We are now on season 4 and they STILL haven’t kissed. I feel the Bellarke strong this season, so I think it will happen soon. But as long as I get to see these two working together I will go down with this ship with a smile on my face. 

Favourite quote:

Clarke: Thank you. For keeping me alive. Bellamy: You don't make it easy.

6. Katara & Zuko (Zutara) - Avatar: The Last Airbender

Prince Zuko, firebender. Katara, waterbender. Opposittes, night and day, yin and yang. So this ship never happened, but that doesn’t stop me from still daydreaming about them and reading tons of fan fiction. They were enemies turned friends and together they were amazing. This is the kind of ship where I feel so blessed that we have internet. There’s just so many fics and fanart out there about these two silly babies. 

Favourite quote:

Katara: What are you doing? Zuko: Keeping the rocks from crushing you. Katara: Okay, I'm not crushed. You can get off me now. Zuko: I'll take that as a "thank you."

7. Zoe Hart & Wade Kinsella (Zade) - Hart of Dixie

Big-city doctor moved to small adorable town. Meets bad-boy Wade. They argue. They have a LOT of chemistry. There’s a lot of on and off all through this series, but it was wonderful to watch. This show just makes me feel good, and these two love-birds made it perfect. Wade grew up, Zoe learned that she didn’t have to follow her big plan and let her heart decide where and who her home was. Perfection. 

Favourite quote: 

Wade: Maybe I'm not 100 percent sure that you wouldn't hurt me if we started things, but I know that I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. And I guess that I realized it's worth the risk.

8. Robin & Barney (Swarkles) - How I Met Your Mother

Okay, but do I really have to explain this one to anyone? Everyone knew these two were perfect together. Barney & Robin were funny as hell, they loved each other even with all their little quirks. Perfect pairing and I will ship them until the end of time. (and I will never ever forgive the writers for that ending). Rude. 

Favourite quote: 

Barney: I love everything about her, and I’m not a guy who says that lightly. I’m a guy who has faked love his entire life. I thought love was just something idiots thought they felt, but this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to. And there have been times that I wanted to. It has been overwhelming and humbling and and even painful at times. But I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing. I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her. More than she knows.

9. Veronica & Logan (LoVe) - Veronica Mars

Yup, that’s LoVe. Silly puppies who are just great together even when they don’t want to admit it to themselves. The original series ended so suddenly that I never got closure when it came to Logan and Veronica, so I was SO happy that they made a revival movie and it was PERFECT! These kids have been through so much, they just need to be happy! 

Favourite quote:

Logan: I thought our story was epic, you know, you and me. Veronica: Epic how? Logan: Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed. EPIC. Veronica: Come on. Ruined lives? Bloodshed? You really think a relationship should be that hard? Logan: No one writes songs about the ones that come easy.

10. Isak & Even (Evak) - SKAM

Okay so for those of you who don’t know this show: SKAM is a Norwegian show that follows a group of teenagers through High School. And in season 3 Evak stole all of our hearts. It’s all about falling in love, coming out and a bit of mental health, all done perfectly. They are so cute and amazing, even when they were breaking my heart. What makes this show so great is how realistic it feels, and you smile and hurt with them. 

Favourite quote:

Isak: Du er ikke alene. (You are not alone).

Honorable mentions

Jackie & Hyde - That 70′s Show

Luke & Lorelai - Gilmore Girls

Fiona & Steve - Shameless (US)

Jeff & Annie - Community

Willow & Tara - BtVS

“You don’t love because: you love despite; not for the virtues, but despite the faults.”

                            - William Faulkner

Week Thirteen: April 15th: The Human Wave: Immigration Stories

I was an accident. I wasn’t suposed to be here. Screams and sobs of sorrow filled the delivery room... as my mother had disobeyed the unspeakable rules… my mother had destructed her perfect white porcelain lineage… my daddy was brown.

My father, Jose, immigrated to New York City from Peru in 1969, at just 5 years old. He didn’t know the language but he knew Kung Fu. He had a severe obsession with martial arts legend Bruce Lee and committed his life to becoming just like him. He grew up in the projects of the Bronx and fought on the street every day, gaining a name for himself, taking down gangs and defending those who needed help. He was able to work his way up to eventually getting himself his own school and becoming a “Sifu” - the master. One day, my mom, Ingrid walked into his Kung Fu School…

I was born 9 months later.

The color of my skin being so light cushioned the fall a little…and once my eyes opened and were so big and blue, my mother’s family embraced me. They believed I didn’t do anything wrong… and if they shaped me right, banned me from learning Spanish or embracing any parts of my Latina identity… they believed I could be saved, pass as fully white and live a prosperous, privileged life, eventually marrying a rich white boy to solve and close the chapter on the inconvenience of my ingeneity.

My mother’s family provided us with a huge townhouse in the West Village upon my birth. They then filled our home with endless servants of color that were actually paid to be spies to report back on my father. Though he could not speak Spanish to me within such a controlled and monitored household, I began to learn about my Latina culture in other ways. My dad was “machismo” and he practiced that in different ways.

Firstly, the whole first floor of our house became my dads new Kung Fu school so I witnessed blood and violence every day and became very used to it. This was the frankest expression of his masculinility. The house always had atleast 10 men in it in workout clothes beating the shit out of eachother. This was taken further as all the media he forced me to consume was Chinese Kung Fu movies with eye balls being ripped out and heads flying across the room. I certainly wasn’t watching any teletubbies.

He felt the need to exercise control over me. This especially impacted my self expression as a girl. My “girlness” was curtailed by him and he would rip any skirt or dress that Gigi, my grandmother would gift me. He forced me to wear clothes of his choosing - picked from the boys section - big jeans and big tshirts with thermals underneath (even in the summer) out of a hyper fear of me being sexualized by men. To him, he was protecting me. He also would brush my teeth for me, telling me that I wouldn’t do it properly myself and practiced any way he could within the house to exert dominance that he couldn’t in the outside world.

I understood the sharp contrast between the social class and privilege differences between my mother and father at a very young age simply by the lifestyles. When visiting my fathers family, I would share a bed with 6 cousins. When visiting my mothers family, a chauffer would pick me up, maids would iron my church clothes, wake me with strawberry milkshakes and chefs would spoil me with whatever I desired. I was scolded at the dinner tables for not having proper table etiquette… however I had learned from my dad to just pick up a whole chicken and start tearing into it with no need of silverware.

My mother’s family didn’t understand his behavior and saw him as the biggest threat to my wellbeing and development. Therefore, my mother’s family worked hard to destroy the connection I had to my father. They did this in many ways.

Firstly, they tried to force me to associate the help (all persons of color) as “less then” as I’d watch them be pushed around, ordered and abused. I watched as they exercised their power over the help and I suppose they had intended for me to glamorize or romanticize how “powerful” they were.

Secondly, they gave me access to resources where I could access “superior exclusive knowledge” and paid for me to go to the most prestigous and expensive whitewashed academies where there were never more than 3 students of color and all of them were identified by their dependency on food stamps or the details of their scholarship. They were applauded for their brilliance, as if they were magnificent exceptions to their kind… and I quickly understood the truth was there were just not equal opportunities being given to them for them to even get to a level and equal playing field.

And probably most importantly, they endlessly attempted to assure me it was necesary for me to break any relations with my brown father and made sure I learned the word “golddigger”.

I was 5 years old when police sirens shattered me out of my sleep and 4 big men broke into my room with guns and dragged me out. I didn’t even cry, and later it was revealed to me that that was a concerning sign to them but I guess I was just so used to the chaos. I saw my daddy being ushered towards a cop car with handcuffs, held by multiple men. I locked eyes with him. He was humiliated. They had demasculated my father. They cradled me and they pushed and shoved him, smashing his face against the vehicle. I was 5 years old but I realized then and there that in this world, his life did not matter… but mine did. I had a voice… but he never would.

“Does your daddy ever touch you?”

What is a 5 year old suposed to say to that?

My mom was able to get him out eventually and the sexual assault against a minor charges were dropped… but our story was nowhere from over. Within two months, he was arrested again for “kidnapping” me. I understood that due to the color of his skin, my father was deemed as inevitably guilty of something. My father’s skin color made him a criminal… and my skin color made me his pure, fragile, victim.

I saw this even when I’d walk the streets with him hand in hand… the dirty looks I would recieve. I was being shown that by choosing to stand by my father, I was choosing the “losing” side. It would be easier to gallavant off with my mothers family and comfortably explore their manchines across the world. However, I loved my father and I could not let go of him. I was ready to reap the consequences of this.

My mother was hit first - they cut her money supply that she was dependent on and kicked us out of our townhouse, forcing us to struggle to find a rental within such short notice. We had come home to everything we owned outside of our townhouse. I began to associate my mother’s family with evil.

My mom turned to alcohol in her sadness and had great difficulty adjusting to such a simpler life. Desperate for money, my mom did as was as asked and my father was kicked out. I couldn’t help thinking how society had won.

She entered a new relationship immediately… He was (and is) an extremely dangerous alcoholic with a really bad temper. His name is Willy. He was actually one of my dad’s Kung Fu students.

He was (and is) extremely abusive and banged on my door every night to try to get in. I had to move my dressers in front to try to protect myself.

He encouraged my mothers alcoholism and they my mother began to abuse me as he abused her and I was the only one that she had the power to hurt. Child services visited almost every day as I’d come to school with bruises across my body. I never told on her. I just wanted to get through. Atleast once a month, she’d take it too far. I’d find her collapsed in her room with bottles scattted around her body, like flowers at a funeral. I took her to the hospital each time and they would say the same thing: “You’re going to kill yourself and leave your daughter all alone in this world.” She didn’t care. She loved alcohol more. She loved Willy more.

I was not safe within the confinements of school either. There, it was my gender that I began to learn about and experience how that made me a target.

My Math teacher requested my phone number and then used that to excessively attempt to facetime me and serenade me with emoji filled messages. He convinced me to join him alone in the school on weekends for extra help. When I went foward with my truth, I was shamed and told, “He’s such a nice guy!” and accused of lying and put on academic prohbation. This showed me that a white man could get away with anything and as a girl in relation to that, my word meant nothing.

My English teacher promised me A’s in exchange for my silence on his expressions of affection towards me. His flash went off when taking photos of me during a midterm.

Maybe, most impressively, the principal of my school developed a crush on me which caused him to impede upon my learning due to his need of constantly seeing me. A secretary would stick her head into every classroom door I was in and I would sink into my seat, knowing. “The principal needs to see you, Sarah.” I began whispering: “Do I have to…” When I would then sit across from him, he would pry about my daddy issues and offer me comfort I had never asked for. He would rub my back and play with my hair and I’d hold my breath and try to take my mind elsewhere.

When I was 14 years old, I was asked out by one of the only black kids in my school. Scholarship kid. I became super dependent on him because I had no one else. He learned about my family dynamic. He understood my vulnerabilities. He began to abuse me too. He told me he would kill me if I left him, and then he told me that I couldn’t tell anyone because he was black. And the sad part is I actually understood what he meant.

When I turned 18, I gained access to financial privilege - trust funds. I escaped. I moved out the same day. I was able to gain self power by drowning withself within my studies - allowing intersectional feminism to lead me and rescue me and allow me to understand how the personal is political and build the strength to stand up for myself. I now have a restraining order against my ex boyfriend and my mothers boyfriend as she still hasn’t been able to find her own strength to leave. I’m trying to work on personal relationships with both my mother and my father.

It saddens me everyday the realization that most kids in situations like me are trapped. My financial privilege saved me. This is a unique experience and it makes it that I have to do whatever I can to help those not as fortunate as me. No one should be stuck. I know what it feels like.

Overall, my identity is complex. I am biracial, yet I pass as white. I am a woman and that makes me unsafe in this world. I also have grown up experiencing two opposite socio economic classes and lifestyles. I have survived childhood abuse. I then survived domestic violence.

These markers of my identity make it impossible for me to choose to tune out and be ignorant to the injustices in our world. I believe that it is because of this that there is no better place for me than being a Global Studies major.

Everything is personal to me.

To me being a citizen in this world means doing my part to break every silence I’m expected to keep, no matter how hard it may be, because it cannot be underestimated how much this could help someone else.

I see so clearly all the interconnections of oppression and struggle as I have myself lived it. Therefore, to me, to be a true citizen of the globe is to embrace all these pieces that made me who I am and using them as fuel to be an advocate and pioneer for the change I want to see to better our world.

I will continue to share my authentic experiences and making sure that I use the that I have for good. I could have turned away, blinding myself from my Peruvian roots and taking the easier way -- I was shown directly the luxuries and peace I would experience if I was to fully seperate from my Latina and identify as white… but I chose not to. I chose to tune in and there is no going back now.

🥀🥀🔥🥀🥀||HOPE #2; ||You Know My Name, Not My Story||🥀🔥🔥🥀

[Written On November 4th, 2019] 🥀🦋🖤I honestly havent eaten in 12 days, then yesterday i ate a peice of pie. I might lose people to this. I am idk. Its hard to explian. But even if u hate me im still here. Idk how much expkain it Heres some shit u can read. (u don't have to read this. TRIGGER WARNING) I sold myself, prostituted myself for about a year, and tortured myself while people tortured me 24/7 everyday. Msybe got raped 50 times a day. Tortured 200 times a day and i was there bitch. They didnt even pay me. Watch out and be careful hun I walked into Angela/Andrea and Jimmy Millers house, the 2nd out of the 3 foster homes i waz in, there was a 9 year old kid getting abused, like how they tied me to a tree and tortured me. They tourtured me so much on a 24/7 daily bases, worse than my bio dad. The 9 year olds name was Anthony Castillo-Martinez, he was autistic and had PTSD and ADHD, self harm, anger and suicidal issues. I got tortured for him, whenever Angela tried to torture him, i got in the way, any kind of abuse and torture and traumatic thing that coulda happened to me. It did. Finally i got a day pass out of the house. I got arrested and started doing criminal things, insane and dangerous things, i was walking on the side of the freeway, i came back, and i saw Angela and Jimmy fighting, Jimmy was tired of Angela torturing me and the other kids, Anthony was outside tied to the tree. I untied him and i stole him, i ran to LA, taking buses and trains, i found a motel, i tried to convince them to let us in, cuz i was technically homeless -again- they let us stay for 3 nights, I called up Kimberly, and she met us over there, Kimberly started torturing me worse and before. She set me up in the sex trade, i had 40 to 70 people a day, guys and girls, torture, abuse, rape, beat, drug me up. For money for us to live and take care of Anthony, she was the RingLeader, per say. I took care of Anthony as my own, Kimberly did absolutely nothing, nothing at all. She paid everyone to torture me, i was a drug addict and alcoholic. Hardcore, and the more i was high and loaded, the less i felt, at this point in time, I didnt know that Kimberly was the head of all this, one of the guys who continuously tortured me, was trying to go after Anthony, and i stepped in front of him and took the torture, Anthony kept asking me if i was his real mom, i couldnt answer that question. I cried everynight. Jeremy Carlos Baraz came in and started yelling at Kimberly, i was curious, but as soon as i walked in, Jeremy had a gun up to her head, Kimberly told Jeremy to "Go Shoot Izzy, i have nothing u want, she has meth and cocaine", Jeremy told me to go to my room, when he left will all my drugs, Kimberly stormed into my room, i was sleeping on my floor like usual, so Anthony had a place to sleep. Kim told me that it was my fault, and "i coulda got killed, and its all your fault" she called some of her "friends" to come "handle some business" about 10 people came in, and they came in my room, and they started literally torturing me. They tied me to the bed, about 20 + more people came in, and they drugged me up, they beat me, tortured me jn every way possible, (later i found out that they filmed it, and it was Kimberlys idea) they raped me, but i was so used to it that i couldn't feel anything. I tried to scream, so they ducktaped my mouth, they said "you speak, you die" the more i resisted, i was a drug addict and alcoholic. Hardcore, and the more i was high and loaded, the less i felt, at this point in time, I didnt know that Kimberly was the head of all this, one of the guys who continuously tortured me, was trying to go after Anthony, and i stepped in front of him and took the torture, Anthony kept asking me if i was his real mom, i couldnt answer that question. I cried everynight. Jeremy Carlos Baraz came in and started yelling at Kimberly, i was curious, but as soon as i walked in, Jeremy had a gun up to her head, Kimberly told Jeremy to "Go Shoot Izzy, i have nothing u want, she has meth and cocaine", Jeremy told me to go to my room, when he left will all my drugs, Kimberly stormed into my room, i was sleeping on my floor like usual, so Anthony had a place to sleep. Kim told me that it was my fault, and "i coulda got killed, and its all your fault" she called some of her "friends" to come "handle some business" about 10 people came in, and they came in my room, and they started literally torturing me. They tied me to the bed, about 20 + more people came in, and they drugged me up, they beat me, tortured me jn every way possible, (later i found out that they filmed it, and it was Kimberlys idea) they raped me, but i was so used to it that i couldn't feel anything. I tried to scream, so they ducktaped my mouth, they said "you speak, you die" the more i resisted,. the more i got tortured. They put a gun to my head, 4 people had a gun each, and two guns were pointed towards each side of my head. It came a daily thing, for weeks, my mom didnt know about anything, she still thought i was at the foster home i ran away from. Each day more and more people came. On the weekends i had more time with Anthony, but i took care of him as my own. Kimberly did shit. I almost died multiple times. But it was my job to protect and provide for Anthony. Kimberly was still my girlfriend, we were engaged. And if i left, all hell would break loose. So i stayed, stupid me. _________ **The kids in Angela/Andrea && Jimmys Home; __Englasias "Enji" Moreno-Miller: Enji is a hard core drug addict and alcoholic. He got diagnosed with Bipolar, Anxiety and PTSD, hes Angela/Andrea and Jimmy Millers foster-son, Hes 20 years old, he sneaks drugs in the house. Andrea/Angela Miller still abuses him, doesnt matter if hes her son or not. Mainly cuz hes bisexual. They had a custody battle to who gets to mske Enji's life decisions. Jimmy hates when Andrea/Angela abuses Enji. *The Meaning Behind "Enji": Enji was a name i made up for him, because he hates the name Englasias cuz its what Andrea/Angela calls him when she abuses him. So i made up a nick name for him __Giovanni "Gio" Santiago: Giovanni is a 22 year old male. He got put into foster care, when he was 9, Angela/Andrea torturex him obsessivly. In all ways, but Jimmy payz her to do it. Gio has Schizophrenia, Anxiety. pTsd, depression, anorexia, borderline personality, and paranoid physcosis. Angela/Andrea tortures him for no reason, Gio is the oldest of all the people in the house, i usually step in and take the torture for Gio, me and Gio dated for 2 months, then broke up cuz of Andrea/Angelas stupid rules. I protect Gio, were really close, Jimmy abuses him sexually physically by mentally. *The Meaning Behind "Gio": Gio is the name i gave him, also know as Gizmo, when he and i were playing "foster home" even tho we were already in one lol. Gio Gio Giovanni, we were goofballs, rebels, and sassy queens. We had a lot of fun and were always there to eachother nonstop, and helped eachother, we became to close. Wayyy to close. Love u Gio Gio Giovanni. __Nancy "Andrew" Augustine: Nancy is a 15 year old trasngender female to male. So his pronouns are "he/him/his", he went into foster care a year after he was born, he got put into an orphanage. At the age of 2, Nancy was his birth name. And he hasnt gotten it legally changed so Angela/Andrea calls him a "her" and he hates it. Angela/Andrea rapes him, drugs him, force feeds him, and physically abuses him. I call him Andrew, and he told me its his "preferred name" he likes to sing and write. Me and him have sing offs, and we write songs stories and poems together. *The Meaning Behind "Andrew": Susan Augustine was born a female but then transitioned to male, Susan hated her name, but whenever Angela/Andrea kept abusing and torturing her, and kept using "her/she/hers" it triggered Andrew. So i asked "which name do u preferr, Andrew or Susan" i made him feel welcome and was always there for him, and i wanted to help him to the end, noatter the circumstances, i overhelped him. And i helped him get started with SSI, Mental Health Stuff, and getting a name change. And taking the torture from him and i took it for and instead of him. Andrea/Angela, hated me for it. But i did it anyways. Love u Andrew, he attempted suicide, overdosed on his meds, i found him and called 911, and he was rushd to the ER, he never came home after that. I miss u. :( __Monica "Monee" Palmer: Monica is a 18 year old female, she was a rebel, she was my best friend, and i helped and was there 4 her obsessivly. Jimmy raped her several times. Andrea beat and tortured her to death, and i hit Andrea over the head with a frying pan and i beat her and attempted to slice her throat, i took the torture for Monica, Ive never seen Jimmy that fuxked up before, he was on PCP, and so was i. Me and Andrea got into an altercation, it involved alcohol, PCP, a gun, glass, and a knife. Me and Andrea/Angela went at it. Jimmy recorded it, and i told everyone to get out of the house. Me and Andrea/Angela went one on one for hours. I pointed the gun towards her, and Monica saw, she was crying. I threw Andrea/Angela out a glass window, after she tortured me extra bad and she taped my mouth shut, she raped abused, tortured, drugged. Burned and almost killed me. Jimmy ran out of the house after i threw Andrea/Angela out the glass window. They never had a license to run a foster home. Monica hugged me and Jimmy was crying, bur not for his wife. For me and everything he did to me, and To Monica. *The Meaning Behind "Monee": Monee, is short for Monique, which is a name that her grandma gave her, Monica always kept that name, even after her grandma passed away, Monica grew up without parents, and was sent to live with her. grandma. After she passed Monica moved in to Jimmy and Angela/Andrea Millers house, and shes been trying to escape, she attempted a lot, but was always brought back to there house. __Anthony "Lil'Toni" Castillo-Martinez (My Unbio Son, Who Got Taken From Me, I Risked My Life To Raise Him, I Raised Him As My Own) i met Anthony Castillo when he was 9, none of us knew who his real parents are, but i took him in as my own, i risked my life to take care and provide for him, i did all i could possibly do to help and care and be there to him, he was autistic and had PTSD and ADHD, self harm, anger and suicidal issues. I got tortured for him, whenever Angela tried to torture him, i got in the way, any kind of abuse and torture and traumatic thing that coulda happened to me. It did, whether i wanted it to or not, Anthony tried to kill himself after he couldn't find out who his real parents were, I found out Anthony used to live with his aunt and uncle, Sarah and George Castillo, they both gave him up to his previous foster mom, Cherri Martinez, cuz he was "to hard to handle", (i figured out that his favorite color was pink, and he loved teddy bears, i still have the pink teddy bear i bought when i was homeless for the 13th time, in memory of my time with Anthony) Cherri had mental health issues, and whenever she had blown out physical violent fights with her ex-husband, who lost custody over Anthony, Jose Martinez, Anthony would hide and try to leave, but Cherri was to attached to him, she wouldn't let him leave at all, i later found out that Sarah and George Castillo abused him so bad. And then gave him away, to Cherri Martinez, but to this day i never knew who his real parents are, i got tortured abused raped in all ways, and drugged and prostituted and almost killed so i had money to care, provide. Support, be there and help Anthony, we lived in a run down motel, i illegally stole Anthony from his 2nd foster home. Angela/Andrea and Jimmy Miller's house, after i left, i came back to save him, he saw me getting tortured, i took care of him obsessivly, i raised him, and he called me "mommy" and i lost him after a car accident, with me, Kimberly, and Anthony, after it was over, they found drugs in a back seat, and it was me, him and Kimberly in a back seat. But i never gave him drugs, Kimberly and i had a custody battle. And she won, after she accused me of giving him drugs, and CPS took him away, i was broken up, Ricky, the drunk driver, got charged after they found out he was the driver in the car accident, Jeremy Carlos Baraz, who already had a home, after i intervened into his shooting scene, where i violated my probation, (one of my abusive torturers) knew about the whole Kimberly calling CPS, was a part of getting Anthony taken away, and abusing me situation, i confronted him about it, and i got violent towards him, after Kimberly killed herself in front of me, Jeremy admitted he was a part of taking away Anthony for the money cuz he "had to survive", he called the cops on me, I was on cacaine, meth, alcohol, Ativan, And other drugs, i almost died "according to the doctors at the hospital", and Jeremy called the cops and later told me what happened, and instead of me violating my probation i got sent to the mental hospital, (which im known for acting out, getting in restraints, and getting the "bootyjuice" shot); Anthony is now 14 years old, i cant tell u his birthday cuz it waz something he told me to never give out, i hope hes in a good home, *The Meaning Behind "Lil'Toni": some nicknames i gave him were "AngelEyezx" "Lil Bon Bon" "Lil'Toni" "Antonio" "Mooshi Mooshi" "Pain In The Ass" "Birdie'" "Soldier" "Lil One" "BroSkiiSkii" "MnM" "Child" "Lovebug" "Curious George" "Momo" "Anto" "A-Skii" "Ace" "Annnnnthony" "Smart One" "Sweet Child O' Mine" "Mamas Boy " "My Son" "Jay Jay" "Trouble Maker Jr" "Izzys Angel" "Lil Angel" "My Love" "My Sweetheart" "Mister" "Beautiful" "Lassie" "Strong One" "Smartass", *AngelEyezx: this nickname was made up by both of us, he had green eyes and i had a similar color and we would always compliment each other on our eye color, we were like twins, he said i was his angel, and i said he was mine, so we came up with this nick name. *Lil Bon Bon: Anthony was short, well no shit. He was nine, and he loved cinamon rolls, he would always ask me to buy them, it was his favorite food. Even when i didnt have enough money to buy them, he knew what went on in that motel, he called it a motel, but it waz really a run down low star hotel, Anthony wasnt naive about what happened to me nearly everyday. But i called him that cuz he loved cinamon rolls. *Lil' Toni: waz one of the 1st nicknames i gave him, because i still consider him my little boy, even if he waz only 9 at the time. *Antonio: He would have pillow fights with me, while listening to music. He came up with the name Antonio when we would roleplay in the pillow fights. *Lil' One: i would always call him that cuz he was my Lil One. *BroSkiiSkii: i forgot how this one came about. *MnM: he loved MnMs so i called him MnM *Child: i call everyone child, but it started with Anthony. *Lovebug: i just called him this, cuz i thought it was cute. *Curious George: he was always curious about alot of things. And was always curious about the next day and/or what would happen next. *MoMo: MoMo was also a nickname that i just came up with. *Anto: a nickname he came up with, he never told me what it meant tho. *A-Skii: A, short for Anthony, well thats obvious, but i mixed it with BroSkii, to A-Skii. *Ace: i always think that the Ace and The Joker are the most important cards in the deck, so i called him Ace, cuz he was the most important thing to me. *Annnnnthony: i loved to joke around with him and make funny voices and stories and i always extended his name, when i was in a joking mood. *Smart One: i used sarcasm a lot, and when he would smart off to me or Kimberly, i would always say "hold on smart one" i would laugh, he mostly smarted off to Kimberly and she wouldn't like it, i was overprotective over him and would literally do anything for him, so i would get hurt instead but him, Anthony never liked Kimberly, i think nobody did either. And it was obvious why. *Sweet Child O Mine: he loved Guns N' Roses, and whenever we would sing that we would dedicate it to eachother. *Mamas Boy: Anthony was a Mamas Boy, so that name was obvious. *My Son: hes my son, but he would never leave my side, instead of me saying "thats my boy" i would say "thats my son" i was proud of him all of time, and i was proud to be his mom, not by blood, but by heart. *Jay Jay: tbh i forgot how i came up with that one. *Trouble Maker Jr: i was the original trouble maker, he would try to take after me. But i wouldn't. *Izzys Angel: like Charlies Angels, i named him Izzys Angel, cuz hes my angel, duh. Lol. *Lil Angel: hes my angel. Period. *My Love: hes my love to infinity and beyond. *My Sweetheart: hes my sweetheart, and always will be. *Mister: "what are u doing mister" i always said that. *Beautiful: he has a beautiful soul and heart. *Lassie: he loved dogs, and anything that had to with dogs. *Strong One: hes extremely strong. In every which way possible. *Smartass: he would be smart to Kimberly or me, and i would say "ok Smartass". But Lil Toni was my favourite one to call him. __Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez "Tyler" (Me) Hi I’m Izzy Magdalinoz 🙂 and I’m here for everyone, I like to help people, I’m sharing this I really don’t care, I wanna help the broken and the hurt, cuz I was in there shoes, here’s my story, part of it actually, a short summed up version, stay strong and keep fighting the battles not over yet.... I’ve been thru traumatic events all my life since I was 4 years old, from abuse, rape, the streets, foster care, shelters, 199 mental hospitals, self harm, I’m a great full recovering addict and alcoholic, my dad died, my mom is my life, homeless 9 times, never had a home , spent life locked away in treatment centers, group homes, crisis centers, foster homes, I’ve been drugged up, almost killed, arrested, I have anger issues, skitzoaffective disorder, bipolar, adhd, ocd , autism, anxiety, depression, insomnia, dissociative identity disorder, I’ve been on mostly all physiactric medications, I’ve had suicide attempts , I’ve been thru a lot , I’ve done a lot , but I’ve rose a kid named Anthony when I was 12, while my drug dealers drugged me up and raped me, my roommate Kimberly is dead , I was in bad situations when I was on the streets, I don’t even know who I am, but this is my story, I don’t care I’m posting it on here, I know it’s personal. But I needed to share this, whoever is reading, u are not alone !!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!!Time to get personal, I don’t trust a lot of people, but it’s time to open up, , here’s my WHOLE life story. “Yo, it’s me again, Izzy Magdalinoz, I am a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, I use to forget about my pain, I went to rehabs, I’m 19 years old, my dad died In 2011, but he abused me since I was 4, but I couldn’t tell my mom or he would sell me or kill me, so I had mixed feelings, I was homeless 13 times, out on the streets, getting arrested, in fights, almost been killed, I rose a 9 year old kid named Anthony, he was I an abusive foster home, so me and my motel roommate took him in, I was mentally unstable and unfit so CPS took him away, and I never seen him since, after that Kimberly tried to kill me in my sleep with Ambien , a meth needle and vodka , I woke up in an ER, and she killed herself, I was raped by my drug dealers which also drugged me up , people on the streets, and by someone I don’t wanna talk about, I was in Foster Care a couple times, Angela and Jimmy, a foster home called GPS with staff instead of parents, and with Lisa, I’ve been in 201 mental hospitals, lock down treatment centers, one in Utah called Copper Hills Youth Center, multiple treatment and crisis centers, group homes, rehabs, shelters, the streets, been in car accidents, I’ve been arrested and detained by a lot of cops in Corona, I have anger issues, been kicked out of multiple schools since 7th grade, I’ve attempted suicide over 50 timesX I’ve self harmed on multiple occasions, I have bipolar , depression, anxietyX l, insomnia, skitzoaffective, ptsd, ocd , dissociative identity disorder, attachment disorder, and AutismX , I’ve helped the homeless and people In hospitals, been on mostly all psychiatric medication, I’ve never had a stable home since 2011, now on December of 2017 I’m finally home, I love to help others cus im used to people not caring about me, I have trust issues, im always there to help to care to make sure there ok and I don’t stop, make them feel better, I hide behind a smile, stay strong, the battle isn’t over yet, aye it’s Izzy Magdalinoz, your NOT aloneX this is my story”-IzzyMagdalinoz Hey xx my name is Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez, and I am a drug addicted alcoholic with 1 year clean! I’m 21. I know rock bottom, hell, trauma , pain, and darkness from top to bottom x I’ve been homeless 13 times, 215 mental hospitals , I’ve done mostly every drug, I have a sponsor now!! I’m on step 2 and going to NA meetings every Sunday! I literally read the whole NA basic text book xx I have the NA Big Book as well as everything. I have been thru brutal hell/trauma/torture occurring 24/7 since I was 4, till July 2018. Can we please , have a moment of silence For the addict who still suffers In and out of these rooms Y’all are enough man, my drug dealer moved back into town, and he’s tortured me, I have had over 10 different drug dealers, my drug of choice is meth and herion. I lost my unbiological son , who I met in one Out Of the three foster homes I was in, my deceased ex girlfriend tortured me and made false accusations against me that I gave Anthony drugs, and I had to sell myself , prostitute, get tortured , drugged, abused, raped , almost killed etc etc so I can provide a home for Anthony , I was raising him as my own, I was homeless at the time, again. I failed rehab twice, at Cedar House . And I’ve been to 3 other rehabs. I’ve got a criminal record which has been cleaned after I became an adult . This Is For The Addict Or Alcholic That Might Die Tonight The One Who’s Killing Themselves Or Getting Tortured For Drugs 3 out of the many of my drug dealers. Have tortured me brutally I don’t use to “look cool” I use to numb my pain I first thought it would take my pain away I now have severe brain damage Plus over 10 mental illnesses , It was MY CHOICE I remember lying on the side of the street , I lost my mom , I lost my self I lost my life, and I wanted to die I’ve been thru mostly every traumatic thing, experienced mostly it all, and done mostly it all No pity no sympathy no attention ... I have lived and seen death, hell, and I’ve been down this road I’ve been around the block Not saying any of you havnt Cuz I don’t know u #YouKnowMyNameNotMyStory #DontJudge I’m here for all of y’all Y’all are enough and y’all are worth it I’m greatful all of u are alive today And if any of y’all need me, cuz I’m here Feel free to contact me I believe in all of u xx Keep holding on I know it’s hard But I’ll be your hope God; Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The Things I Cannot Change The Courage To Change The Things I Can And The Wisdom To Know The Difference AMEN! Keep Coming Back It Works If U Work It One Day At A Time! Hun i know hell and darkness I know rock bottom and back I know pain and trauma from top to bottom. Im 1 year clean and sober off all drugs and alcohol Fight the fight. Dont let the fight win u. Ive had brutal hell && trauma 24/7 from 4 years old (im 21) till july 2018 I was sleeping under bridges, sidewalks, sides of the street i have been homeless 13 sperate times My problem? I help everyone and everything obsessivly. I got the cops called on me AGAIN today. But your enough Keep fucking shining. Dont let anyone dim your shine. Im here for all yall. -Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Dont Judge, Unless You've Walked In There Shoes You Know My Name. Not My Story Its izzy. ;) Thank u for existing. Your doing the besr u can. Stay strong. Im here for u and here to help and be there in anyway shape or form i possibly can. No matter the circumstances. Thank u for everything x IM 1 YEAR SOBER FROM DRUGS AND ALCHOL xIt's been a wild ride my loves. Hey it's izzy. Imma be here for u no matter how much it takes. Cuz your a precious diamond. Just don't give up. alright 💛💛 🥀🖤A Moment Of Silence, For The Addict Who Still Suffers, In And Out Of These Rokms🖤🥀 Cuz basically all 10 + metal illnesses I have plus my past plus my current situation plus all my symptoms of all my diagnosis are multiplied by 10. I've been thru brutal trauma/pain/hell/torture/bad experiences since I was 4 (I'm 21) until July 2018. Occurring 24/7 I've been tortured abused raped almost killed. In 215 mental hospitals. No home from 2011-2018. Homeless 13 times,almost killed, drugged up lost many to death, my dad tortured me, 3 foster homes, many unlocked/locked treatment centers, group homes, shelters, rehabs, residential, been thru MOSTLY every traumatic thing, I have severe brain damage, anorexia, mom is very sick. I help to much. I can't explain what I'm going thru or what's going on. I'm the most high maintaince case in the system. I've attempted suicide over 100 times. Been on all meds /beej thru all sorts of treatment. I have anger self harm. I'm a hardcore addict. No stable home. Ive been tortured/abused/raped/drugged/almost killed most of my life. I'm tell u a little of my life story You all are enough you all are worth it you al matter, your life is not worthless. Hun I know what it's like to hit rock bottom and back several times. I'm here forcing if u need a friend I'll be there for u care for u help support show you your worth. I've been abused raped tortured homeless 13 times 215 mental hospitals bouncing from unlock and locked treatment centers. I've been in residential. My dad tortured me. I've had trauma 24/7 since I was 4 till july 2018 I got my son taken away. I've attempted suicide over 100 times im a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. No home from 2011-2018 I've been abused in all ways several times. I have skitzoaffective bipolar Anorexia ocd ADHD depression anxiety PTSD insomnia autism borderline personality, dissociative identity fued. I've been in rehab. I'm not trying to get attention I'm trying to show that y'all aren't Stay alive OK. You are important to me. I know I just met u. But I'm grateful for your life., LET GO AND LET GOD! Your feelings and life are valid If not today there's always tomorrow. Thank u for existing Stay You, And Believe In Yourself Don't Give Up Now, Yuve Come This Far This is Izzy, and I am a grateful recovering addict. 🖤__Izzy M🥀💚____________________ *The Meaning Behind "Tyler": Tyler X or "Ace X" or "XX" Fiaskko-Alvaro, is one of my main alters. I have many alters and i live among many alternate universes. Mainly NXSP, or Not Xactly Secure Program, is where my mind is mainly centered, when i was 9 years old, i sae a man, or a shadow, with a knife, on my bed, when i was living in Fernbank, and he told me to look him in the eyes, and i did, and thats when he became my master, and he tortured me, i shoulda never looked him in the eyes, or i probably wouldn't have had the many mental illnesses u have now. But i "raised hell" as Liz Ramos, who i claimed was my name, especially when i went to ETS mental hospital when i was 12, i told them my name wasn't Sara (Sara is my legal name) that it was Liz. And i go by Izzy now, i took the last name Martinez, from Anthony. Even if its not my real last name. Tyler was my second alter, also being mind abused by Johnny "JJ" Garcia. ____________________________ **About Angela/Andrea and Jimmy; [Angela/Andrea Miller]; Angela/Andrea Miller was born in prison, and almost aborted. Her parents were a religious couple, and her brother, Delacruz, would torture her behind their parents back, one day Angela hit her head against a brick wall, she woke up with no memory of anything, and couldnt remember her name, at all, she got diagnosed with "Multiple Personality Disorder" and became abusive and extremely torturous, she met Jimmy at a frat party, and they started doing drugs together, but Jimmy had no idea about her torturous side. She "switched" a lot, kinda the same situation as Dr J. And Mr Hide, but her good personality faded and Angela and Andrea became one personality. The extremely torturous personality. [Jimmy Miller]; Jimmy was always abusive, but never as abusive and his wife, Angela/Andrea Miller. Jimmys biological kids got put into foster care after being taken away by CPS, Jimmy grew up in an abusive single parent household, he was a wife beater and abused his kids. His dad was never around and his mom was addicted to crack cocaine and alcohol. Jimmy was a bully at school when he was in high school. Jimmy met Angela/Andrea Miller at a frat party. And they clicked as soon as they met, but still he had no idea about the "real side" of her, Jimmy offered to run a group home, which later lead to the foster home, but they never had a license to be foster parents, they took in Enji first, and thats how everything started. How i know this? I observed a lot. **About Anthony; Anthony is a 14 year old male. Who is my unbiological son, i bent over backwards for him, He got taken away after Kimberly Marie Olivarez, who is my deceased ex fiance, and Jeremy Carlos Baraz, who is my deceased ex friend. Both of them made a false accusation that i gave him drugs, which is false. And CPS took him away, he was 9 at the time, now hes 14. Hes turning 15 soon, and i miss him everyday. I raised him as my own. We never figured out who his real parents are. But he lived with his aunt and uncle Sarah and George Castillo, then with a foster family, With Cherri and Jose Martinez, then with Angela/Andrea and Jimmy Miller, where we were previously living, i left than came back for Anthony. I havnt seen him for years and idk where he is, i did my best to be a mother. And to take care of him, no Matter the circumstances. **My 4 Different Experiences W/ Anorexia; 1st Time: 2012; Weight: 77lb. I would starve myself till i passed out, i would obsess over calories, including refusing to drink water, i would excersise to the point of passing out, they rushed me to the ER, and i got fed through a feeding tube, i weighed down to 77lb and still thought i was fat, my bones were showing, i couldnt function, longest without food was 10 days, i drank ensure and made myself throw it up. I went into treatment for Anorexia Nervosa, my mom still isnt aware to this day. 2nd Time: 2015; Weight: 84lb. All i ate were saltine crackers, and i would starve myself up to 8 to 9 days, while in the process of doing that, i was in treatment, remember i didnt have a home from 2011 to 2018. So nobody was aware, i went down to skin and bone. I was homeless and bouncing from mental hospital, to treatment centers (unlocked/locked/involuntary/voluntary/short term/long term) the streets. And to rehabs, foster homes, group homes etc etc. I weighed myself everyday. People got concerned, and they admitted me to a mental hospital after i was on the side of the highway, and i kept blacking out, i was on a lot of drugs at that time. Meth mainly, and alcohol. I got taken to a mental hospital, and i couldn't leave till my tray was finished. And i had a 1:1 staff with me at all times to monitor my food intake, but i got past them, i didn't eat for a week, and they gave me the feeding tube again, and i had a huge hatred towards food. 3rd Time: 2017; Weight 98lb. I was in and out of placements and i starved myself for 6 days, then on the 7th i made it look like I ate. With my own methods. I was extremely insecure, and my mental illnesses got worse, people said i was skinny, but even at 98lb i still thought I was fat. I was sent to a treatment centre for eating disorders, and i still refused to eat, and i checked myself out. And then regretted it later. 4th Time: 2019; Weight: Under 130lb.?? Its been since late March or early April. And is still active at this time, i basically hate food. Its been months new, and my weight has been rapidly decreasing, i starve myself from 4 to 6 days, and on the 6th day i eat something small. Then i secretly throw it up, im not at an unhealthy weight, i exercise obsessivly and obsess over calories, i look in the mirror and i look fat, but everyone else saying that im Skinny, after the 5 to 6 days with no food, on day 7 i eat something small, then starve myself again, im blacking out more, and my mom wants me to go to treatment, i hate food with a burning passion, and im taking diet pills, but im over 1 year clean from all drugs and alcohol, im obsessed with losing weight and even after i lose to much. Its never low enough. 🔥🦋🥀This Is My 4th Time Struggling With Anorexia Nervosa. Ive been starving myself for so long now, that its become so easy to just skip days with no food. Food is my enemy & i hate food ' all food with a passion. Ive seeked treatment several times, ive gotten a feeding tube, and almost died several times. I count the calories and literally EVERYTHING. I excercise obsessivly. While i look in the mirror and see how fat i look, everyone else says i "look sick" and im "skinnier then i realize" __________**NXSP/My Demons____________ **Johnny "JJ" Garcia√: my 1st demon, he possesses me. He was born inside me as my master while i raised hell alongside him. when i was 9, i looked him in the eyes, and ever since then he became my master, and he possesess me, he said "pull the red wire, and that will kill me", which was a huge lie. I killed Johnny while i waz filming a documentary inside NXSP, he hasnt came back yet, but that made Mr Alvaro intensify and become worse. Johnny or commonly known as JJ, is the son of Presley/Wesley Garcia, or commonly known as "KnockOut 890xo" who is Johnnys master. But he is dead, after Erin connected NXSP with The Ends. And after Erin started a fire. He passed away in 2012. Then Johnny took after his dad. And now hes dead. **Lileth "Lily" Ramos-Garcia√: She got tortured, and abused in all ways by Johnny Garcia, Lily abused me, cuz i looked Johnny in the eye at 9 years old, and then became my master, asa well as Lilys master. Johnny made Lily his "bitch", if she leaves Johnny, he would kill her, torture her more, and report her then send her to "The Ends". Johnny tortured her so bad. That Lily lost all her senses. She died multiple times. **Elizabeth "Liz" Ramos√: My first alter, in love with Johnny. He tricked Liz thinking he was there for her, and got her back. Sold, abused and tortured her, and made her in love with the darkness and pain, she got sent to The Ends, several times. **Charlotte "Alexx" McMann√: Whos Alex is her alter. Was an addict and alcoholic, tortured herself and others to get crack cocaine, her drug of choice. Charlotte is a transgender Female. From male to female., The McManns are the lowest hunans in NXSP. The outkasts. She claims that Dancing Fire aka Lily, made Erin fuck up NXSP and thats why "The Ends" exsist and is why Johnny turned out the way he did and how Mr Alvaro (Michael A. Alvaro) was born. People thought Michael was born by Johnny but the truth is Dancing Fire created him., Johnny was Charlottes dad, and Presley was her grandfather. After Izzy killed Johnny, Lily killed Charlottes mom. After Lily injected false dangerous codes in her. Charlotte loses her senses and her memory. She claimed she didnt know who anyone is including herself. **Chris "Marlin" McMann: **Wesley "Presley" Garcia (Johnnys Abusive Master)√: is Johnnys master and biological father. But is now deceased. **Constance "CeeCee" McMann√: is my protecter from harm or any demons that try to fuck with me. She calms me down and is always there for me, she never leaves my side. I havnt heard from her. Later finding out she passed away, she is Erins sister and Charlotte's mother. **Dancing Fire "aka Lilys Alter" (demon like archangel misunderstood in the form of fire, might be another world trying 2 contact me)√: Dancing Fire came about when i posted a picture on Facebook, with me holding a lit up lighter, titled "Up All Night With Dancing Fire" and ever sense then it haz been getting progressively worse. I shouldn't have summoned it, but to late now. **Michael Alvarado-Alvaro√: Michael A. Alvaro aka Mr. Alvaro. was created by Lily aka Dancing Fire, Mr Alvaro is the master of Tyler "Roo" Alvaro. Connecting the dots, one of my main alters is Tyler XX "Roo" Alvaro (the good Alvaro). Mr Alvaro possesses me, takes control of me. And is the main demon whilst i have physcotic episodes and mental breakdowns, which i used to have 5 to 6 a day. Now it went up to 20 to 22, now 20 to 25 a day. Mr Alvaro comes in many forms. And he decodes me and everything around me. Hes my main demon now. **Tyler "Roo" Fiaskko-Alvaro && Izzy "Ace 8/Spizey/Ms_SweetInsanityyx/DrearyEyezx/Ronnie Irez"Magdalinoz-Martinez (Me)√: Who's first love was Michael Alvarado-Alvaro, who abused and tortured, sold and raped Tyler in every which way possible, everyday allday. Runs NXSP. Alongside Izzy. Helps everyone and everything obsessivly. I am the main character in NXSP, which is one of the alternate universes i live and dissociate into. **Chandy/Gladdis/Leon/Charlene/Raul/Ralphie/George/Michaela aka Michael (all characters from my movie, "Chandy Gone Crazy; 5:00 AM Im Trashed, Im Done" etc.): i waz portraying these characters so much that they came out life. **Erin Ramos√: Erin Ramos, brother of Liz Ramos, brother to Constance "CeeCee" McMann. Erin got possessed by Lily aka Dancing Fire, which he acted out and collaborated NXSP with The Ends. Which fucked up NXSP for good. **DANCING Squares√: DANCING Squares, commonly known as Erik Ramos-Garcia, is a demon that morphs into objects is shapes, which leads them to "have a force on me" its a human taking place as different shapes, and adds codes to them to make them possess me, they take place in a big square, and they dance alongside ceilings, walls, and come as different shapes, but the outline is always a square, thats why i made up the phrase "Dont Talk To The Ceiling, It Might Talk Back". **Duplicates of People√: thiz one is self explanatory, ever since 2012, i see two people instead of one. But one of them in the false version. **Bad Mommy/Good Mommy√: after my dad died, which i dont consider my father, i had visions of my mom abusing me. But i knew reality from fantasy. Scars on her face., Bad Mommy abuses me, but i can tell the difference. Cuz "Bad Mommy" haz scars on her face. **DANCING Squares√: DANCING Squares, commonly known as Erik Ramos-Garcia, is a demon that morphs into objects is shapes, which leads them to "have a force on me" its a human taking place as different shapes, and adds codes to them to make them possess me, they take place in a big square, and they dance alongside ceilings, walls, and come as different shapes, but the outline is always a square, thats why i made up the phrase "Dont Talk To The Ceiling, It Might Talk Back". **Duplicates of People√: thiz one is self explanatory, ever since 2012, i see two people instead of one. But one of them in the false version. **Bad Mommy/Good Mommy√: after my dad died, which i dont consider my father, i had visions of my mom abusing me. But i knew reality from fantasy. Scars on her face., Bad Mommy abuses me, but i can tell the difference. Cuz "Bad Mommy" haz scars on her face. **Bad Daddy/Good Daddy√: after my dad died in 2011 (tbh he tortured me in all ways, so im glad hez dead, i dont consider him my father) anywho after he died i was in denial, i have 10 senses. So i see dead people. Hes in my dreams. **Visions&Hallucinations of Past/Future√: My whole past, flashes by in my head vividly. My future i can see clearly. **Cones√: they are just floating objects. But mainly Cones, which i consider a warning sign, guiding me in the right direction, but sometimes in the wrong direction. **Red Dots: red dots leading me places, usually calling TAXI #1 THRU #10. **Flyerway√: Flyerway and basically me floating above the earth during near death, out of body. And dissociated experiences, i now dissociate all day 24/7 (also in a dream) but it USED TO BE 80% TO 88% A DAY. ,**Mr.OutOfDate√: this bitch pisses me off, 1. its basically when i have dreams/voices/visions/and obsessions over my mom dying. 2. Or when i live thru hell and darkness itself, like literally. 3. And lastly when i feel like im fading away closer to death. **NXSP (0ne Of The Alter Worlds I Live In As Liz Ramos, as I raise hell with Johnny "JJ" Garcia (I try to kill him on multiple occasions but I pulled the Red Wire && he got worse)√: NXSP, or known as "*Not Xactly Secure Program*", is one of the main alternate universes i go to, but its a dangerous (prison/hell/matrix/supernatural) world i go to. Thats where all my demons take place. It didnt used to be dangerous. Until Lily made Erin destroy the world of NXSP, by merging it with The Ends. **The Ends (The End Of NXSP it's worse than hell itself times infinity 100 percent)√: its worse than hell itself, basically you die and u never go back. But u get sent there while your asleep. And u never return. **Jonathan Maqranga√: Johnny and Alvaro tortured him, had a stepmom who gave him shit. I. Return of sex and getting tortured. From his brother's and sisters. It was rape and torture, he fell in love and the drugs. So he would do it. His dad left, he was around to protect Jonathan from the torture anymore, His mom introduced him to drugs at age 9, and he got addicted from that day on. His stepmom was actually Michael Alvarado-Alvaro. The other main person behind the torture. Was Lily Ramos-Garcia. His sister. **TwentyStepsForward√: TwentyStepsForward is a demon that i dont deal with a lot. But it's commonly known as TSF, which is the abreiviation of the whole name. TSF was born in a human demon body. But turned to ashes, after Johnny died. But it was later found out by me that this was Dancing Fires brother. **Edgar "Eddie" Alejandria√: Known as Eddie Alejandria (the main personality out of his 3 personalitys) , was a demon with no background to any other demons. But this demon was one of Johnnys servents. Eddie was in foster care his whole life. Eddie Alejandria is one of 3 personalities. 1. Eddie Alejandria: Main Personality 2. Chillwax Alejandria: Bad Demon (Devil) 3. Edgar Alejandria: Good Demon (Angel) , **Dancing Rooms: everything is like a labrynth, rooms dancing and turning around. And talking to me. **UglyBitterSky√: this one is the archangel who i use to take me from universe to universe. Why it was named UglyBitterSky, is because it was a misinderstood archangel, commonly hated by Lily. Or Dancing Fire. **TheFuckAllTheWayUpInTheSky√: created by Dancing Fire, basically the sky tries to change courses and universes. Without permission of NXSP, tries to send u a message, but it doesn't care, its a living thing. **Chillwax Alejandria√: Chillwax Alejandria is the 2nd personality out of the 3. But is the Devil Demon, as well as Eddie, the 1st and main one. And Edgar. The Angel Demon. **Dancing Rooms: everything is like a labrynth, rooms dancing and turning around. And talking to me. **UglyBitterSky√: this one is the archangel who i use to take me from universe to universe. Why it was named UglyBitterSky, is because it was a misinderstood archangel, commonly hated by Lily. Or Dancing Fire. **TheFuckAllTheWayUpInTheSky√: created by Dancing Fire, basically the sky tries to change courses and universes. Without permission of NXSP, tries to send u a message, but it doesn't care, its a living thing. **Chillwax Alejandria√: Chillwax Alejandria is the 2nd personality out of the 3. But is the Devil Demon, as well as Eddie, the 1st and main one. And Edgar. The Angel Demon. **People From My Past, A Vivid Movie Like Form Of My Whole Past From Beginning To End Flashing By In My Head (Random Times, Coordinated by Dancing Fire Themself): imagine all of my past, which some of u know 21% of it, oh well theres more. It goes from the very beginning in a vivid like movie detailed version of my past, to the very end of the trauma (2018) and whenever i start feeling good, Dancing Fire, cordinates it cus it wants me to go back in time and be constantly reminded of my traumatic past, so even tho it already happened, i relive it everyday and never really escape it. **ClosedOptions: this makes me go backwards. Programming negative stuff in my head that effects my every day living. **Josephina "Paid2Kill" Hernandez√: shes a torture, abuse, rape, street, domestic violence and suicide attempt survivor. Also got tortured in all ways by Johnny Garcia and Michael Alvarado-Alvaro. Josephina was in foster care. She died 21 times, then 11 times after that. But not on her own. Pills darkness pain and death was her addiction. She jumped off a bridge and became a "vegetable", but shes been in NXSP 3 times. But the 4th time she came up to NXSP, she got transferred to another unit, but was to "high maintenance" so she went back to NXSP.

each prime, all muses

This one is long so I’ll just cut it off here!

2. What is/was your character’s relationship with their motherlike?

Mono- Monochrome’s mother passed away when she was about 6 fromillness, but the time she knew her she was very caring and compassionatetowards her.

Vivi- Vivi and her mom were not very close, but they did carefor eachother. Now I mean... if you wanna consider Luna as an adoptive mom forher it would make a lot of sense, but it’s really just a close mother-daughterfriendship.

Sol- He was Celeste’s favorite. They spent a lot of timetogether while Lu and Nimbus were off doing something else.

Nashira- Nashira’s parents kinda... abandoned them after he wasa year old. They were neglected frequently.

Sam- Did he even have parents? I guess you can say his creatorwas very nice to him. His creator really did care for him.

Chiller- She never remembered her mother. If she did sheprobably wouldn’t like her that much.

Luna- Definitely was close with Celeste, but it never comparedto her relationship with her father.

118- Did not have any parents, being a parasite. While it’screator tried taking care of it, the result usually created more harm than not.

 3.  What is/was your character’s relationship with theirfather like?

Mono- Was pretty close with her father, and spent as much timewith him as she could. He was working very frequently in the lab.

Vivi- Was not close with her father at all. He despised herbecause of her differences and avoided her. This left her mother to take careof her.

Sol- Was definitely close to Nimbus, playing sports with himfrequently. They would play many little games together.

Nashira- Same thing applied to #2

Sam- Same thing applied to #2

Chiller- Was very close with her father, and helped him work onthe core frequently since she was old enough.

Luna- She absolutely loved her father, and looked up to him as arole model. Lu was also his favorite child, being the most like him.

118- Same thing applied to #2

 5. On an average day, what can be found in your character’spockets?

Mono- probably something like a mini handheld notebook with atiny pencil. I’ve seen them before, and they’re pretty cool. She’d obviouslyhave some change she gets in her pockets too.

Vivi- usually she has nothing in her pockets and stores it in abookbag.

Sol- Usually he carries a small switchblade for emergencies,along with his wallet.

Nashira- Chocolate. It usually melts, so they eats it quickly.

Sam- Just a few small mechanical parts to keep his maintenancein check.

Chiller- A small locket she never wears with a picture of herwith her father and brothers.

Luna- A switchblade and probably a pen. She tends to drawdesigns on her hands a lot.

118- Probably any kind of small weapon that’ll fit in thepocket. Usually something like either a switchblade or a filled syringe.

 7. Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

Mono- Usually if she has nightmares, they’re either flashbacksto the moments before she was brought into the void, or themes about horriblethings that could(but probably won’t) happen in the future to her loved ones.Thankfully she rarely has those.

Vivi- She has vivid memories of the process of seeing Luna’sparasitic infection getting worse and worse, just watching her die and notbeing able to do anything about it. The dreams terrify her.

Sol- The same thing applies to him as it does Vivi, but he alsohas memories of when his parents were killed in front of him along with themoments before his own premature death.

Nashira- They don’t really have nightmares,but they never have asimilar recurring theme.

Sam- I mean, if he did, they would probably be about himselfgetting a virus and breaking down, not being able to help himself.

Chiller- She has frequent nightmares about how she’s lost herentire family. With no one to comfort her, these can become severe nightterrors.

Luna- There is no constant theme, but her dreams frequentlysurround the harm or death of loved ones, and a lot of times they’re about thembeing harmed by her own hands.

118- Not capable of producing dreams.

 11. In what situation was your character the most afraid they’veever been?

Mono- The few moments before she was brought into the void.

Vivi- Her father beginning to abuse her mother for keeping herin the house.

Sol- When his parents were killed.

Nashira- A lot of the times they got into trouble, not having afamily to protect them.

Sam- When he lost his creator.

Chiller- Losing her father.

Luna- Can I just go ahead and say EVERYTHING? The worst thoughwas when Sci had the void infection and when her family was killed.

118- So far has shown no signs of fear for anything.

 13. Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, inwhat way?

Mono- Is usually only bothered in huge amounts, if it’s a smallscratch she’s not bothered.

Vivi- No, it doesn’t bother normally bother her unless it’s herown.

Sol- Definitely becomes unsettled at the sight of blood, but itonly truly bothered if it’s his or his sister’s.

Nashira- They are definitely bothered by blood, sometimes evenpassing out at the sight of it.(Mun: Sounds a lot like my sister)

Sam- Can become unsettled for sure, but not as much bothered.

Chiller- It only really bothers her if it’s from her loved onesand In huge amounts.

Luna- Is typically numb to the sight of blood, but can becometerrified if it’s in very large amounts and belonged to loved ones or herself.

118- Loves the sight of blood, it doesn’t bother it at all.

 17. What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

Mono- Didn’t really have many toys as a child, but there was asmall doll that her and her father worked on together that she just adored.

Vivi- Didn’t have many toys herself. She usually just had asmall blanket and a plush toy. That was it.

Sol- He usually played a lot with any kind of ball. His favoritewas actually the dodgeball.

Nashira- Didn’t have any “regular toys,” he made his ownlittle toys from stick and rocks to keep himself entertained.

Sam- Didn’t have toys. Or was really ever a “child.” But hewas definitely intrigued by the equipment in the lab where he was created.

Chiller- She didn’t really play with toys often, she’d muchrather be with her younger sibling playing simple pretend games and be justfine.

Luna- Typically played catch with her brother a lot, but herpersonal favorite toy had to be a small set of blocks. She was very creativewith them and made some really cool things for someone of her age.

118- Didn’t have toys but was always interested in the equipmentaround it before it created bad intentions.

 19. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Hasthis flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

Mono- Is very shy, but not as much reclusive. She tends toattempt making moves but gets very embarrassed.

Vivi- Has never been in a relationship(I mean she’s freaking10), but her flaw would likely be clinginess.

Sol- He has a tendency to always be sort of suspicious of theother person, hoping the never cheat on him.

Nashira- Has never been in a relationship but their flawdefinitely involves the hyperactivity and clutziness.

Sam- Never been in a relationship, but is very calculating, andtends to be honest to the point it hurts. This can sometimes end relationships.

Chiller- Is extremely clingy because of the things that havehappened to her family. She wouldn’t want to lose her partner as well.

Luna- While she is extremely caring and loyal, she tends todrift aloof very frequently. She tries to protect them as much as possible butthat can lead to more harm.

118- If this thing could even have a relationship it wouldprobably involve the fact that 118 is extremely hostile. How would this thingend up in a relationship without killing the other?

 23. What does your character dislike in other people?

Mono- She dislikes people who are very aloof or make constantoutbursts. 

Vivi- People who are rude or discriminate based off of simpledifferences.

Sol- People who are just rude in general. He doesn’t stand forit.

Nashira- They tend not to like people who are lazy or slow.

Sam- Doesn’t like people who aren’t intelligent. It just slowshim down.

Chiller- Doesn’t like people who call others “weak” justbecause of a slight difference in viewpoints.

Luna- Doesn’t like people who can’t be trusted, or just peoplein general who leave a bad impression on her.

118- Doesn’t like living beings in general, but can not standthe “weak” or “stupid” ones.

 29. What did your character dream of being or doing as a child?Did that dream come true?

Mono- She first dreamed to be a really cool scientist like herfather, but she cannot remember any of this so it never came true. She’s stillvery intrigued in the sciences though.

Vivi- She wants to become something like a librarian, but thathasn’t happened yet.

Sol- He dreamed of being a teacher, surprisingly as a kid. Hehas never met this goal, and pretty much abandoned the idea.

Nashira- They want to be a famous sportsperson, like a marathonrunner. He probably still has a chance of meeting this goal.

Sam- He was interested in being an assistant beside his creator,but that never happened.

Chiller- Surprisingly, she wanted to be an author. Sadly herfocuses are no longer on that.

Luna- Wanted to be either a scientist or musician. She made apathway in both majors, but never truly met them.

118- I mean, it really only wants domination over it’s hosts. Sofar it’s kinda winning?

 31. Describe a scenario in which your character feels mostcomfortable.

Mono- Sitting down by the waterfall, either next to Flare orSol, who’s basically been treating her like a little sister now along withVivi.

Vivi- Reading in the library. She loves just being immersed in agood book.

Sol- Chilling in his house, maybe practicing his guitar.

Nashira- Playing in the woods! It’s a good energy user.

Sam- Looking around, analyzing the things around him. This comfortis best in a calm area.

Chiller- Sitting under a tree in Snowdin, writing about thethings around her.

Luna- Being in the lab with her husband was what made her mostcomfortable.

118- Um… I wouldn’t really think of comfort but it likes to hangout in labs. It makes it think of the times when it was first being created andcared about.

 37. Is your character more concerned with defending their honor,or protecting their status?

Mono- Honor. She’d prefer being known for a reason rather thanjust simply being popular.

Vivi- 50\50 split, She cares about both of them pretty equally.

Sol- Honor. He feels proud knowing that there is something goodto his name.

Nashira- 50\50, though they’re not really concerned abouteither.

Sam- Status. He would simply prefer being known as an intelligentperson and make sure not to screw it up.

Chiller- Neither. She keeps to herself and no longer cares foreither.

Luna- She usually is 50\50, but she leans towards the honorside. She wants her family name to have a good meaning.

118- Neither, but status would definitely fit for it.

 41. Does your character feel that they deserve to have what theywant, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn itfirst?

Mono- She knows that it requires lots of hard work to earn things,but oh how she wants to just deserve it!

Vivi- She feels she should deserve what they want, but she isaware that you need to work for it.

Sol- Only believes in working for it.

Nashira- Generally believes that they deserve it, but has workedhard for somethings.

Sam- Believes that some you can earn, others you deserve. It’s abalance.

Chiller- She believes she needs to earn it for it to meansomething.

Luna- Knows you need to earn it, but she definitely feels shedeserved a better life.

118- Works for it anyway, believing that it deserves that.

 43. Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was notrelated to them?

(Note that I have no clue what this question is asking so I’mjust making an inference. I assume it means like a character the muse dependson who’s not related to them? I’ll edit if that’s wrong.)Mono- Frankly, she kinda depends on Flare a bit. He keeps her in check if she’supset.

Vivi- She depended on Luna for a long time, but now that she’sgone she’s very dependent on Sol for comfort.

Sol- Doesn’t really “depend” on anyone not related to him.

Nashira- They aren’t dependent towards anyone.

Sam- Since he’s not biologically related to anyone, he dependedon his creator quite a bit.

Chiller- Only depended on members of her family, so no.

Luna- In biological terms, someone she’s not related to anddependent on is Sci. But just in general(family-wise), no.

118- Is not dependent towards anyone.

WHOO!