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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 4 years

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This is the most offensivly ignorant comment I’ve ever had the misfortunte of reading

Unsurprisingly it comes from the King of ‘What you just said is so aggressively idiotic I feel like you just insulted everyone’: RDMacQ.

For context you need to read this statement from someone else. Whilst I do not agree with this statement I’m not addressing it’s merits or demerits.

“Let me say that I don't like Evil Superman as a concept, but when written well, like Tom Taylor's Injustice comics, where the guy who wrote it clearly has love for the traditional version of Superman and tries to humanize him even at his worst so you can relate and feel for the guy, I accept it, I enjoy it. By that same token, I was always open to Peter/MJ not working out if it was done well, and not done as in the case of OMD/OMIT with the demonstrable intent of slandering MJ's character and making Peter young hip and open to dating younger girls without him coming off as a creep and sleazebag. I am not okay with it happening to preserving Peter's sainthood. I mean the reason I accepted Peter B. in ITSV is that it did that take on the direction the character went into very well. In the case of Life Story #3, you are meant to agree with MJ and she's shown as a moral force, someone who condemns Venom Peter when he is about to kill Kraven-in-Cloth Suit. And of course people need to keep in mind that in Life Story, Reed and Sue didn't work out either, Vision suffers more guilt than even Peter can fathom, Captain America made a bigger and more difficult choice and faces more consequences for his actions than Peter does. So I feel that whatever Zdarsky is doing he's playing fair in the way that other writers don't when they do the story this way. And also tonally, the story is set in the '80s, the age of Watchmen. I think in terms of decade-specific mood and trend, having a story where Spider-man becomes a deadbeat dad worried about not being in prime physical shape and so on...is quite apposite.”

Then we get to RDMacQ’s bullshit

“Yeah, I find it weird that the main complaint is "This isn't what happened in the original comics" and I'm like "Yeah.... kind of the point!"”

Here is the problem.

Life Story is intended and promoted as a WHAT IF.

The way a WHAT IF works is that it takes what DID happen and changes variables to explore how that’d impact the outcome.

With Variables A+B you get outcome 1 (the main universe).

But what if you had Variables C+D? You would get outcome 2.

Gwen Stacy died so Spider-Man tried (and ultimately refrained) from murdering the Green Goblin.

But what If Spider-Man saved Gwen Stacy? Then she’d accept him, he’d stop the Goblin, but the Goblin would expose his identity in the interim and thus ruin Peter’s life.

Kingpin’s assassin injured Aunt May so Peter beat him up.

But what If the Kingpin’s assassin didn’t injure Aunt May but simply outright killed Mary Jane? Then Peter would directly murder the Kingpin.

Life Story doesn’t play fair as a What if in the slightest.

A what if done properly is confined by the parameters of the original story. Everyone still needs to act in character within the context of the new situation as defined by the older stories.

That isn’t he case in Life Story

To begin with it isn’t changing just one variable it’s changing multiple. Spider-Man is aging in real time. The events of his life are happening in roughly the same time period they would’ve been published, but not in the same order. The level of realism is drastically higher since Marvel heroes are going to the Vietnam War.

Characters act arbitrarily differently in ways they wouldn’t do in the context of the new variables. Case in point, why exactly would Norman Osborn pull the scheme he di in issue #2 just because he’s in prison? His plan never made sense. And in issue #4 his plan was even more asinine. He wanted to destroy Spider-Man and due to being too old to do it himself he pulled the Clone Saga and got Doc Ock to attack Spidey on his behalf. But he knew who Peter was, why not just reveal the truth. Doing so couldn’t harm him as he’d already paid for his crimes as the Goblin and his identity was public knowledge.

That doesn’t make sense. That’s not an opinion that’s just self-evident by the story. The cause and effect of it doesn’t add up.

But RDMacQ doesn’t believe in that. According to him Norman’s actions are justified because ‘ a crazy person did something that didn’t make sense’. That’s the laziest most pathetic attempt at analysis. And yet this cum bubble of a human being has the audiactity to claim I don’t analyse.

To him authorial intent is everything unless he doesn’t like it.

Because the point is that it’s supposed to be different from canon that means that characters can act in ANY way that’s different. ANY thing that is different is a viable option. Which obviously defeats the entire object of the project. If you are going to do that what is the point of rooting it in 616 canon in the first place? Why rely upon familiarity with the canon universe if you are going to randomly change anything on a whim as opposed to in logical response to a changed variable?

In doing that all you have accomplished is a weird and unfocussed Ultimate Universe, not a What if.

But then ol’ Big Mac starts to step up the game.

“I think probably my issue arises due to certain recent fan outrages, and a lot of the rationalizations and justifications that came from them. The latest episode of Game of Thrones, for example, had a lot of people- and I mean a LOT of people- decrying a character's "Heel" turn and their "Out of character" moments- while at the same time showing a bit of a misreading of the material or the subject matter.”

Bear in mind when he wrote this the latest episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones was the penultimate episode of it’s eighth and final season. In it, key protagonist, Daenerys slaughtered a whole city full of civilians with a fire breathing dragon and her army. Throughout the show she’d previously been defined as being unwilling to kill innocents on principle, once claiming that each enslaved person in a city was a reason to conquer the city and liberate it’s people. She was so horrified that one of her dragons inadvertently killed a child that she locked them up. She once affirmed that she did not want to be ‘Queen of the Ashes’ amidst her campaign to retake her homeland.

It’s fair to say the overwhelming majority of viewers AND professional critics took major issue with this and declared it a travesty and out of character.

Behind-the-scenes stories also heavily point to Emilia Clarke (the actress portraying the character) being upset and disenchanted with her character’s direction.

youtube

For my money these two videos are the best examinations of the disaster that was Daenerys heel turn in this episode of Game of Thrones.*

youtube

Also please bear in mind the ‘man’ saying people are misreading things is the same man who has continually insisted that Norman Osborn merely wants to kill Spider-Man in spite of me citing examples to the contrary, including this page.

So you know, not exactly demonstrating great analytical skills there.

“I think it's far too easy to cry "Out of character" when a character does something different, or simply questionable, because it's an easy catch all phrase that sounds like you know something, but in reality it's just a cover for a lack of understanding of things like characterization or plot development.”

Says the ‘man’ who genuinely once said Norman Osborn doing something nonsensical is justified because ‘he’s crazy’.

Says the ‘man’ who leaned incredibly hard on the idea that Miles Warren in Life Story would not have intervened in Gwen’s marriage to Peter Parker even though his entire character revolves around his jealous obsession over her.

Says the guy who once said a writer can randomly decide all of Mary Jane’s character development since the 1980s didn’t matter.

Says the ‘man’ who once claimed Doc Ock at the end of Gage’s Superior run was he real Doc Ock even though he was literally a clone of his mind in a clone of his body…and then he refused to listen to me when I repeatedly spelled that fact out for him. His rationale was ‘Marvel are treating him as the real guy so he is’.

Says the ‘man’ that in his ‘interpretation’ Spider-Man regarded Ned Leeds as a ‘viper’ after he was revealed as the Hobgoblin, in spite of literally no evidence supporting that interpretation and you know Spider-Man literally saying otherwise multiple times; including in the issue he learned Ned was a villain. In fact when I pointed this out to ol’ big Mac he referred to such things as ‘arbitrary’.

Says the guy who once said it’s better for stories to be in multi-parters because before the rise of decompression al stories had rushed endings. Remember how Amazing Fantasy #15, The Kid Who Collects Spider-Man, Sensational Annual 2007, The Conversation and When Commeth the Commuter all had ‘rushed’ endings?

Says the poor excuse for a ‘man’ who once claimed there was nothing wrong with the JMS run having magic but who also lambasted Peter David’s Spider-Man work for involving magic and time travel, even though JMS wrote ASM #500 which is literally about magic time travel.

What I am trying to say is this ‘man’ has systemically demonstrated immense hypocrisy and stupidity but a staggering deficiency when it comes to literary analytical skills.

“The movie reviewer Bob Chipman mentioned this in one of his videos where he talked about the problems that a lot of "Modern" viewers have is that they believe because they watch a lot of movies in a year, that somehow makes them film buffs or gives them insight into the storytelling process, when in reality what they are doing is watching all the Marvel movies or all the big releases, and assuming that gives them the same sort of insight that people who go to school to learn this sort of thing do. And I kind of think that's also true of comics as well.”

Oh boy, is there a lot to unpack here.

Keeper of the Gate

For starters let’s call this out for what it is. As much as he might be softening the statement by saying ‘kind of’, what he is actually doing right here is GATEKEEPING.**

He is saying unless you have ‘gone to school to learn this sort of thing’ you don’t COUNT as a critic.***

Okay let’s dive into that one.

Schooling ain’t everything

Gone to school to do what exactly? How to make movies? That’s what film school is for right? So you can learn how to write, produce, direct, etc movies. Correct me if I am wrong but film school does not teach you how to CRITIQUE movies.

So by this logic going to film school wouldn’t qualify you to critique a movie, just how to make them. Except no one argues that. Bob Chipman himself studied film at school and it is from that point of view that his analyses come from.

So by RDMacQ’s own logic Bob himself isn’t qualified for his own job, let alone RD himself. At which point why does Bob’s words carry any weight at all?

But wait, we can go yet deeper.

What if we aren’t talking about film school specifically? What if someone just studied film as their major in college but not strictly film school? Is that good enough to be a film critic or not? If it is are you a lower echelon of film critic?

What if you minored in film/media studies instead of majored in it? Are you yet lower on the totem pole?

What if you went to film school but dropped out?

What if you studied from home and didn’t actually GO to the school itself?

What if you studied it at A school but pre-college?

What if you studied it privately outside of an educational institution? In other words a self-taught film student?

Shit, what about the first ever film critics or the first ever film makers who pioneered techniques and the art form? If they were going through the trial and error of formulating the art form and medium there obviously couldn’t have BEEN film schools back then?

Do they not count?

Not to mention the cultural implications of this. If you are an American who attended a French film school are you unqualified to critique American films and only French ones, even if you grew up predominantly with American cinema?

Let’s change things up a little and look to TV in Britain. One of the most acclaimed British TV writers of all time was a man named John Sullivan. Sullivan created multiple beloved and acclaimed sitcoms, the most famous of which is called Only Fools and Horses. So successful was this show that it was the most viewed TV show in Britain in both the 90s and the 2000s. The latte in particular is an achievement since the show existed purely as reruns in the 2000s sans literally 3 episodes.

The show had a total of 64 episodes and ran between 1981-2003. Do you know how many of those 64 episodes Sullivan wrote?

ALL of them.

And do you know how many of them have predominantly negative reviews? Arguably just four.

Not only has the show been positively received it’s been regarded as the singular greatest British comedy of all time, a title it still holds to this day.

Amidst the praise that the show has received is it’s great characterization, it’s emotional moments and in particular it’s utter command of narrative structure. Not only do the jokes land they land with grace and make the feat seem easy when it’s all over. The cherry on his record was his OBE, an official government recognition of his positive contributions to the arts.

So you know, this guy clearly knew how to tell a good story. He did like 60 times in a row single handily.

So when and where did he study film? The answer is, he didn’t.

He never studied film. His formal education stopped at age 15 when he dropped out of school with no qualifications. Even if he had completed his secondary high school education he’d have not studied film. Film was not on the British curriculum at the time and to my knowledge still isn’t. At best you can study ‘media studies’ starting at age 16-18 before you go on to university. But up until age 16 it’s just not an available option.

He did go to evening classes for English and read teach yourself books but that was it.

By Big Mac’s standards this writer who’s been recognized by the government themselves wasn’t qualified to write anything, let alone critique it.

Additionally let’s consider one teeny weeny little fact. If you’ve lived through the formal education system in pretty much any Western country you have almost certainly been educated on how to gain an insight into the storytelling process. Because that’s a big part of what fucking ENGLISH class is for!****

MovieBob

I’d say I’m shocked and appalled at RD’s audacity and lack of self-awareness in citing MovieBob Chipman. But I’m not. It actually makes far too much sense.

MovieBob is a broken clock that’s often not even right twice a day. His credibility as a critic and as a human being is also woefully lacking.

For starters RD is a big Spider-Marriage proponent (though he’s recently turned traitor and says he doesn’t really mid if it doesn’t come back). To his credit he has often called out and deconstructed unfair and disingenuous arguments against the Spider-Marriage.

Bob however is staunchly on the other side of that debate.

He’s even said the marriage was never good, came from an illegitimate place, that Spider-Mans imply should never be married and in fact argued that a late Slott era Spider-Man and MJ were more interesting than they were before.

Thus I find RD’s citing of Bob to back up his claims about who is ‘qualified’ to be a critic the height of irony.

But you know, that doesn’t necessarily hurt RD’s argument. Hell, Bob un-ironically believing in eugenics or intelligence testing for voters doesn’t necessarily hurt RD’s argument.

Nor does MovieBob’s weird, weird views on how society apparently punishes the Big Brains like himself of course. Although it’s so telling that an arrogant prick like RD would invoke the words of a ‘brother-in-arms’ like Bob.

No, what hurts RD’s argument is where Bob was probably coming from with his initial statement.

See I heavily suspect that RD’s claims about Bob are kind of stem from his interpretations of this video Bob made called ‘BIG PICTURE: PLOTHOLE SURFERS’. Noticeably that video cites this video by another Youtube film critic named Patrick Willems. Called ‘SHUT UP ABOUT PLOT HOLES’.

The sentiments of both videos explicitly or implicitly echo Big MacQuack’s. Everyone is wrong in how they are critiquing movies except them and people like them because they are ‘professionals’ because they went to school.

None of these arguments hold up to scrutiny both due to stuff I have mentioned above but also for various other reasons I’m not going to bother unpacking here. If you want a detailed look at why Chipman and Willems (and by extension RD) are full of shit there are several Youtube videos dissecting their points, particularly Willems’.

However, I’ve found the most detailed to be this video.

youtube

There is also this video where they more directly address Bob’s video.

Fair warning they are long and get less than PC, and yet they do address why the videos don’t hold up to scrutiny.

Self-taught critic

Here is a crazy thought, if you’ve watched all the Marvel movies and big releases every year, why SHOULDN’T that give you a potential insight when critiquing OTHER Marvel movies or big releases? Those things are competing against one another, they are broadly going for the same audience. If you familiarise yourself with them then it is not beyond impossibility that you could mentally play spot the difference in the storytelling and critically evaluate them. It’s almost like in consuming that media you have formulated a CRITERIA which you are then CRITICALLY judging similar such media against.

Hypocrisy

The best part about RD’s statements? He himself has never gone to film school. Nor has he gone to a school specifically teaching him how to analyse comic books nor write them.

By his own logic he has disqualified himself from partaking in critiquing any story, as he did with Life Story or Game of Thrones earlier on.

But the best part?

If you check out the thread this is from and observe the poster called Chase the Blues Away they often disagree. CTBA points out holes in RD’s arguments and subtly questions his reading comprehension. Entirely separately they also implied they felt GoT’s writing was illogical towards the end of season 8 as well.

Why is CTBA relevant.

Because they actually HAVE gone to film school!

Furthermore, on both Life Story and most other matters related to Spider-Man CTBA and myself have been on the same page, whether this entails agreeing with one another’s statements or by coincidence having similar positions.

Now me?

I NEVER went to film school nor did I study English literature formally beyond age 18. Oh, I’ve read bits and bobs about writing (my favourite being Russell T Davies’ book ‘A Writer’s Tale’). But I have no college level formal education on the craft of writing. My analytical skills were cultivated from my school experiences and a whole load of osmosis and practice.

I have also found myself often on the same page as another person who at least studied English at a college level. They are another poster on the same forum called MacGoblin, perhaps better known as the creator of the (now defunct) SpideyKicksButt website. For many people the site was THE best source of Spider-Man analysis on the web for over a decade.

MadGoblin still participates regularly on a podcast covering new Spider-Man issues and whether or not I agree with all his assessments the manner in which he analyses (with an eye upon continuity) is similar to myself and indeed all the other panellists on the podcast.

One of the former panellists on the podcast (who I have also been on the same page with more often than not) was called Donomark and he too studied English at a college level.

So that’s three people who meet RD’s arbitrary rules for who is a ‘real’ critic. And yet I (someone who doesn’t meet RD’s criteria) have come to mostly the exact same conclusions as they have through entirely independent analysis.

As have other people I know who didn’t study film or English Lit in college.

So, either I’m just an absolute prodigy, or RDMacQ, Willems and MovieBob’s criteria for who can and can’t grasp plot and characters is full of shit.

“A lot of the complaints I've seen is that Peter wouldn't or didn't do this in the original comics. But arguing "Peter wouldn't do this because in ASM #225, on page 11..." isn't pointing out the flaw in the story.”

As always RD is devoid of nuance or appreciating the complexities of things.

If in Life Story or any Spider-Man story in canon Peter acts in a way at odds with his established characterization which is DEFINED by ASM #225 then absolutely that’s pointing out a flaw in a story.

Case in point, here is this poorly drawn satire of Superior Spider-Man RDMacQ himself made:

Most of the gags at the expense of Superior Spider-Man in this page was made through the lens of knowing the characters’ past, of knowing what they did and how they acted in older stories.

The confusion over Crazy Town Banana Pants derives from Superior claiming Peter routinely said this when he in fact never did.

Carlie’s suspicions over Superior’s behaviour stems from he fact that the older stories have established how Peter acts and established that Carlie knows how he acts. Therefore Carlie not realizing the truth when she’s been told is illogical. That’s the gag from someone who’s stamped his foot on the ground and angrily refuted that human beings are capable of being logical.

The same is true of this next page too.

Captain America refers to ‘usual’ people involved with the Avengers (super scientists, etc.). Usual means there is a precedent and a precedent can only be defined via a pattern. A pattern of what? A pattern of older stories!

The second panel is bringing up the OLDER STORY ‘Ends of the Earth’ to prove the hypocrisy of Doc Ock

The final panel references SEVERAL past events. The Clone Saga. The Alien Costume Saga. Every time the Chameleon or another shape shifter has impersonated him. Kraven’s Last Hunt.

It’s also referencing the fact that MJ would KNOW about them and even goes really specific by referencing the events of a few pages of one specific issue of Kraven’s Last Hunt. Not the gist of the story, not the climax or the most famous moments. This one scene in the middle of everything else.

RD is using that very specific moment to draw a comparison between it and the events of Superior in order to point out how MJ is not acting consistently.

Almost like she’s, I dunno, OUT OF CHARACTER or something?

Oh, and or the record declaring Peter would or wouldn’t act this way because of ASm #225 p11 is bullshit because Peter isn’t even on that page.

“That's just spouting comic book trivia, which isn't the same thing.”

But referencing events in the middle of KLH which are hardly iconic and immediately memorable and pointing out how MJ didn’t act consistently with them in Superior Spider-Man?

Oh no, that’s NOT ‘spouting comic book trivia’.

Can you see the hypocrisy of this creature now?

Can you see how BROKEN it is to argue a character being established as acting a certain way by an older story DOESN’T mean it matters thereafter?

And he says I am bad at analysis, Jesus Christ.

“Knowledge of trivia isn't the same as understanding plot structure, foreshadowing, character development, or knowing or accepting that just because something happens in issue 1 doesn't mean it will stay that way throughout the entire book.”

First of all the sheer audacity of someone with such non-existent analytical skills to DARE fucking throw shade like this is astounding. That’s like Michael Bay trying to explain how you make a movie with substance.

Second of all he’s right and wrong here.

Knowing the history of the characters is not the same as knowing those things.

But that doesn’t render it trivia because it’s the fucking histories of the characters that define who they goddam are!

Everyone agrees Spider-Man would not have acted the way he did in One More Day right? And that MJ wouldn’t have acted the way she did in OMIT right?

Why? Why do people feel the characters would not behave that way?

Because they read older stories that depicted them acting in certain ways in certain situations that were then contradicted by OMD and OMIT.

You know like MJ not realising Superior Spidey wasn’t really Peter even though the situation was incredibly similar to Kraven’s Last Hunt and both entailed imposters pretending to be Spider-Man.

No, knowing the history isn’t the same as knowing all that other stuff.

But it is undeniably an integral PART of being able to analyse something because if the prior events don’t matter, if they are merely trivia (or worse trivia when he wants it to be but not when he doesn’t) then NOTHING matters.

Why the fuck should issue #1 matter when reading issue #2? Or issue #3 when reading issue #5?

What does it matter if chapter 1 established our protagonist as an adult black man with a wife but by chapter 10, with no explanation they are a teenaged white woman claiming they’ve never been married?

Hey, chapter 1 is just trivia right. Why should that matter?

By the way, go ask Harry Potter fans if those little details are irrelevant and see how that goes.

He’s also (unsurprisingly) disgustingly disingenuous in his final point. Yes, things between issue #1 and issue #25 will change. But there is a world of difference between something changing via development vs. lazy contradictive writing.

Case in point, in ASM #1 Peter Parker doesn’t have a job, is a pariah at school and runs away crying from a failed adventure. In issue #25 he has a freelance job, isn’t running away crying and 2 ladies are interested in him.

WHAT? Isn’t this a contradiction? Doesn’t accepting this change mean you accept that issue #1 was mere trivia?

No, because between issue #1 and #25 we saw how and when Peter got a job, those two ladies became interested in him and we saw his skills, experience and confidence grow. The end result is that issue #25 was different to issue #1 because we’d been on a JOURNEY to get us there.

In contrast in ASM #700 Doc Ock is seemingly turned into a good guy because all of Spider-Man’s memories were beamed into his head, teaching him Uncle Ben’s famous mantra. But in Superior Spider-Man #1 he’s randomly reverted to what he was doing back in ASM #698.

So that stuff was just trivia? But that stuff was the resolution of ASM #700 and therefore the set up for Superior #1. The latter couldn’t exist without the former and yet it doesn’t make sense.

And you see that? You see how that cause and effect problem exists? Yeah, that’s PART of critiquing plot structure and foreshadowing. It’s ALMOST like the older stories aren’t merely trivia but actually very important and play a factor in the other forms of analysis RD listed off.

Not to mention, the idiocy of saying knowing the trivia doesn’t mean you understand foreshadowing. Motherfucker, the entire concept of foreshadowing is that you establish details in the present because you want to hint at readers about where the story is going to go later. It practically HINGES upon readers remembering that ‘trivia’.

If ASM #225 p11 had Spider-Man pass by a black cat and say ‘Boy that reminds me of Felicia Hardy.’ THAT would be foreshadowing for the next issue, but you couldn’t appreciate that UNLESS you remembered what happened in ASM #225 p11.

And the imbecility of bringing this shit up whilst referencing Game of Thrones too? As if Daenerys heel turn was actually foreshadowed and not just created from splicing old voice overs together in the previously segment of the show.

The next bit is in reference to Life Story again by the way.

“I mean, one of the best bits of subtle foreshadowing here is what happens with Peter and Reed's relationship. In issue 2, Peter reflects on how Reed pushed Sue away with his actions, and how he doesn't want to end up like that. But come issue 3, Peter ends up doing just that, despite his best efforts to the contrary and knowing what happened to Reed beforehand. That shows smart plot structure, which doesn't come out and yell at you "THIS IS IMPORTANT!" or hold your hand in any way. That shows that this story is pretty smart with the narrative choices that are being made.”

No it doesn’t.

Because the way in which Peter pushed MJ away contradicted his character and made no fucking sense. He had a mid-life crisis in spite of being well under 40 years old.

Also, you can have, by skill or by fluke, a dash of GOOD writing amidst your shitty writing.

A LOT of people would argue the podrace or Duel of the Fates fight in Phantom Menace were legitimately good sequences in an otherwise bad movie.

People broadbrush 90s Marvel as wall to wall trash but equally everyone praises Spider-Man 2099, Joe Kelly’s Deadpool run, Ron Marz’s Green Lantern run, etc.

Goddammit, 99% of all Doctor Who is fans celebrating the bits that were great amidst the bits that were bad. There are no end of Dr. Who stories were fans will praise the set design or costumes whilst shitting on the over all writing.

Shockingly a piece of media can have good AND bad elements!

Whenever someone says a story is good or bad they are almost always speaking OVERALL. A New Hope is OVERALL good. It’s not claiming there aren’t flaws to it.

Dan Slott’s Spider-Man run was OVERALL bad. Even I have said there are good elements to it.

But the mere existence of good elements doesn’t prove that something is overall one thing or another.

In Life Story’s case, let’s pretend RD is right. Then Zdarsky executed a good bit of foreshadowing.

Key word there: ‘bit’.

It doesn’t PROVE the over all story is smart with its narrative choices.

That’s such an utterly childish manner of analysis. ‘Well this bit is good that means everything else has to be good’.

Like how the fuck does doing a good bit of foreshadowing prove that Life Story wasn’t mischaracterizing anyone or knew how to tell a good alternate history story?

Shit, DAN SLOTT had foreshadowing, sometimes it was even competently executed. Didn’t mean it wasn’t happening within the context of mischaracterization.

Trust Bobby Mac to have no grasp of nuance.

“But rather than acknowledging that, instead we get stuff like being concerned with that because Gwen finds out Peter's secret identity at the end of issue 1, that therefore means that Peter is going to be hooking up with Gwen throughout the rest of the story, that this is going to be one big Peter/ Gwen book, that Chip Zdarsky is somehow a Gwen shipper because he wanted to just have her as a best friend in Spectacular, that MJ only having two lines in the first issue means her importance will be diminished overall, and that the whole series is going to try and be a rewrite to push that ship.”

None of the allegedly great foreshadowing RD spoke of above was in issue #1

Even if it was nobody could possibly have talked about that as a point of praise because the nature of foreshadowing is we wouldn’t have realised it was goddam foreshadowing until we finally GOT to the bit it was setting up in later issues

RD has been one of the most involved people in discussions about the Spider-Marriage, frequently clashing with a fell named Mister Mets on CBR and on the linked message board. He knows that Marvel from OMD onwards used to spite fans over OMD and the Spider-Marriage and that circa 2019 when Life Story was being released the latest of such instances had occurred maybe just 1 year earlier in Slott’s Red Goblin storyline. He also knows Zdarsky pissed in the well of the Spider-Marriage fans with his FCBD 2017 Spidey story which involved Mary Jane. So for a heavily burned and abused fanbase to suddenly be concerned that Zdarksy would be pushing an agenda was a totally natural and justified reaction to have at the time even if it was proven incorrect in the long run.

RD is being a shithead again. ‘Ugh, look at these overwrought FaNz. wHy CaNt dey celebrate the GUD stuff and not focus on the WRONG stuff’.The wrong stuff being Zdarsky shitting on the Spider-Man marriage, which he clearly did by breaking up Peter and Mj in the 80s when they didn’t break up then but he needed to ship Peter with Jessica Jones I guess

“Yet here we, two issues later, and Gwen is dead, Peter married MJ and now they have kids.”

And in LF #3 their marriage was in a toxic place and they split up. In issue #4 they get back together but only by Peter giving up being Spider-Man. Almost like the story was saying having a family and being Spidey are incompatible or something.

Shit issue #3 BEGINS with MJ griping about Peter.

“All the reactionary nonsense turned out to be for naught, since the story was going in a different direction, and just because Gwen was prominent early on didn't mean MJ wasn't going to play an important role later.��

It wasn’t reactionary nonsense it was entirely justified reactionary concern. People weren’t concerned that MJ wouldn’t be important but that Zdarsky would be pushing a pro-Gwen/anti-Mj agenda which he at least debatably did and certainly seemed to be doing in the first 3 issues.

“And yet we still continue to see that reactionary nonsense continue with decrying because Peter and MJ leave off on a bad note here, it therefore means the rest of the series will be an unending slide into misery.”

Which was proven partially true.

Issue #4 Harry dies, Peter quits like a coward.

Issue #5 Peter’s child is crippled, his identity is outted, ben Reilly dies and he becomes a fugitive as a super human civil war breaks out.

Issue #6 the world has turned to shit because of that civil war and the only way to fix it is for Spider-Man to die.

But again, he’s missing the point like the fool that he is.

People were concerned and upset BECAUSE the series split Peter and MJ up in the first place. Both because that defied the mission statement of the series but also because they know Peter and MJ WOULDN’T split up and the circumstances engineering it were fucking contrived shit.

“Which then unfortunately leads into bashing the creator himself, which I find incredibly unreasonable given the tremendous job Zdarsky is doing.”

He didn’t do a tremendous job.

Chase the Blues Away, the film school student, had been saying so and continued to say so after RD made this comment. So I guess by his own metric he was full of shit.

This is one of RD’s fundamental and fatal flaws. He’s a hypocrite. Everything is subjective unless it’s the shit HE likes or hates. Then it’s objectively good or bad.

Not to mention no one had been bashing the creator personally. He can’t grasp this either. He doesn’t grasp the distinction between bashing the work of a writer vs. bashing the writer personally.

E.g. he falsely claims I’ve sworn at him. I have sworn at him…here. On my own blog here I don’t feel the need to play nice.

On a public forum? Never. I’ve sworn in the course of conversations with him. I’ve sworn in regards to his argument but never sworn to attack him personally.

“Decrying Zdarsky as some form of hack because halfway through a six part story he's had the protagonist go through a rough time and that he is just putting out "Fan fiction," or- as I saw someone else argue- that the reason Zdarsky did this was because he himself went through marital troubles at one time in his life is just silly.”

It’s really not. He admitted that he wrote MJ in FCBD 2017 as his ex wife.

Fanfiction is exactly what LF was. Peter hooks up with Jessica Jones because…no given reason. It’d make infinitely more sense for that to have been Felicia but it was Jessica Jones. Zdarsky invents his own personal new spin on the Goblin who’s wearing kewl black because why not. He has characters randomly act in any way he wants for the story to happen regardless of how little sense it makes. That’s bad fanfiction 101. He has logic holes you can drive a truck through. FFS Russia launched nukes on America in issue #3 and this DIDN”T result in all out nuclear Armageddon. That’s amateuris

“Just like it's silly to say that D&B from GoT are purposefully destroying the show because they hate it and they hate women and they just want to move onto Star Wars,”

This is at worst a strawman.

At best an utterly myopic oversimplification.

The MAJORITY of people crying out against GoT season 8 weren’t claiming D&B were engaging in deliberate sabotage but rather they were ruining the series via their incompetence and RUSHING to get to the end.

Additionally the idea that they are misogynists is REALLY not a ‘silly’ argument. MANY people throughout the show’s history have made that argument, long before the popular opinion was that the show was bad,

A season 4 subplot that was heavily embellished (to the point of being called practically original) from the books entailed rogue Night’s Watchmen raping a household of women beyond the Wall. The most infamous line from the subplot was ‘Fuck them all to death.’

In that same season Jamie Lannister makes sexual advances on his sister Cersei even though she was saying no.

Sansa Stark, in a scene not in the books, was raped by Ramsey Bolton with the focus being upon Theon Greyjoy’s horror at the situation.

And of course there is ever so slightly a dash of gratuitous nudity involving women in the show.

Look, I’m not even saying for sure that D&B hate women or that that was at the root of how they fucked up Daenerys’ character in season 8.

But it’s idiotic to just dismiss the idea as wholesale silly as Smac a Mac is doing above.

“when in reality D&B were the reason the show got made in the first place and all those great female characters were brought to television for a wider audience to experience.”

Hollywood had been wanting to adapt George R. R. Martin’s books for years before he let D&B do it

Their first pilot was so bad they had to reshoot it.

They weren’t the reason we got those great female characters. Martin’s writing was why we got those characters and those good stories and why anyone wanted to make his books into a live action property at all.

Again, RD FAILING at nuance. A female character can have good writing AND bad writing. They can be good over all but drop the ball in certain moments. They can be great for 7 seasons but then fumble disastrously at the finish line. An opinion shared by all those critics that went to film school

Writers can be capable of doing good female characters even if they are misogynists. Writers who are not misogynists are capable of still being sexist at times. Friggin Stan Lee had sexist female characters in spite of also inventing Mary Jane who is lauded as a great female character even in the 1960s. Again, nuance. Mac Attac ain’t good at it.

“We can dislike or criticize a work without having to demonize the creators,”

It’s not demonizing D&B or Zdarsky to call them incompetent writers.

“and I think it's just become far too easy nowadays for people to rationalize their statements by making the creators themselves into remorseless villains, since that justifies them acting however they please in response.”

And it’s become far too difficult for me to stomach any more of this piece of shit.

*For what it is worth, these events are also listed on TV Tropes under the Face Heel Turn page:

Daenerys herself falls victim to this in the final seasons. Her actions in Essos had the purest of intentions: fighting against the Dothraki's misogyny and ending slavery in western Essos. Even her morally questionable acts still had these goals in mind. But when she set her sights on conquering Westeros, which is more or less a standard medieval European setting, her only goal was conquest. Even her claim that the Iron Throne is her birthright falls short since her father was killed due to his madness and love of burning things. Dany really doesn't help her case by burning alive any captive soldiers who don't side with her. This culminates with her slaughtering most of King's Landing's civilian population in the penultimate episode. Had the show started with the sixth season, there'd be no question that she is Daddy's Little Villain, her tragic backstory and past heroic deeds being a footnote at best.

**This is especially ironic as he’s accused me of doing the same.

Me, I’ve called people out or corrected them when they have gotten facts wrong. I’ve even said they don’t know what they are talking about. The difference is I’m not doing it just on principal as he is here.

I’ve never said someone doesn’t belong in the fandom or is not a real fan. Yet here RDMacQ is outright disqualifying people from having the legitimacy to critique comic books unless they’ve gone through what he deems the ‘appropriate steps’.

If I have told someone they are wrong or don’t know what they are talking about or don’t understand the material I have corroborative EVIDENCE to back it up. Their own statements prove that point.

E.g. RDMacQ doesn’t understand Norman Osborn’s character. Why? Because his statements contradicts the clear cut TEXT (not the subtext) of the source material. See? The source material is the EVIDENCE that supports my accusation. But RDMacQ doesn’t believe in analysis that way and has told me so himself.

***This laughable in he modern day and age where film criticism is so transparently ideologically driven as opposed to sincerely critiquing the merits of a film.

Hence why Bob Chipman and most other professional critics laud works like the Last Jedi which a fifth grader can see has little internal consistency.

#RDMacQ #Catharsis #Spider-Man #Game of Thrones #Dan Slott #Mary Jane Watson #Superior Spider-Man #MovieBob #Bob Chipman #daenerys targeryan

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hitchell-mope · 4 years

Text

(Third film. After “Substitutiary Locomotion”. Jaylos’s room. Carlos is working on a new machine to help them with finding Ben)

Jay: so run this by me again. This is gonna be a...?

Carlos: This IS a DNA tracking device. Two months after dad got the crown we were paired up for an intergrade scirnce fair.

Jay: yeah?

Carlos: I only needed him for one thing. Hair. Hair from dad. Nail clippings from mom, skin flakes from Doug, lipstick blotter from Evie, towel from lonnie, dessert spoon from Jane and I already had loads of dna from you. Because you never clear out the shower drain

Jay: I’ve gotten better at that

Carlos: uhhhh...no. No you haven’t. Hence the inordinate tips I give the cleaning staff

Jay (dryly): thanks sweets

Carlos: you’re welcome dear. Now. Once it’s ready we can go back to the others and finally find my father

(In the halls of the school a certain pirate is lingering near a suit of armour)

Harry (drolly): I can feel you lurking Jay

Hadie (brightly): Jay’s still with Carlos. It’s me. Your brother

(Harry jumps a foot in the air, startled and laund in Hadie’s arms bridal style)

Harry: why...

Hadie: you looked distracted. I thought I could help

Uma (walking up to them): well, ya can’t. Move it or loose it Silkrobe. I wanna talk to him.

Hadie: ok, ok. But (he grabs her upper arm) if you upset him you’ll have me to answer to.

Uma: I’m not scared of you.

Hadie: oh of course you’re not. You’re the sea witches scion. You know what? I see it. I really do. Slimmer. Younger. No lines on your face yet. But the personality. The physicality. The voice. You’re more like Ursula then you care to admit.

(Uma looks like she swallowed an owl whole)

Hadie: I’ll leave you two to chat

(He leaves and Harry approaches her)

Harry: you’re getting called out a lot ain’t ya?

Uma (calming down): I just wanted to tell you that I was wrong.

Harry: hmmmmm?

Hadie: take this dictaphone and commit it to memory. It’ll help when you have another lovers tiff.

Huma: OUT!

Hadie: sorry

(He slinks away)

Uma: I’m sorry.

Harry: for what?

Uma: not believing you, calling you a liar. You know. That whole schtick.

Harry: that’s god. What tipped you off.

Uma: the eye glow and fire hair.

Harry: ahhh. Well then. You’re forgiven. But I am gonna hold it over you. For a long long time

Uma: I’d expect nothing less

(Off towards the side Evie’s looking pissed off)

Evie: great. Now they’re both happy.

Celia: you really do hate them don’t you?

Evie: more then you will ever know

(Near there entrance Mal’s vainly trying to call Ben again)

Mal: please please please work. You have never not answered me when I needed you before so there’s no use in starting now GODDAMIT!

(She throws her phone against the walls and squats down in frustration her head in her hands. She lets out a guttural shuddering screams and vines shoot out from the floor. Hadie pulls Gil away, Evie pulls Celia away, Uma pulls Harry away and Harriet pulls Cj away from the violent magical burst)

Gil: remember what Milo said. Focus on what you can do right now and not what can’t be immediately fixed

Mal: I know I know. It’s just that URGH. I want Ben to be here. Cause at least then I know he’s safe.

Gil: my brother has magic just like yours. He’s fine.

Hadie: Gil’s right.

Mal: how? How could you possibly know. You heard the gunshots. Ben could be anywhere. Unconscious. Bleeding out. Dying. He could already be dead.

Hadie: well. A. If he has you’re magic as you well know he has then he’s nigh invulnerable. B. If he died I would’ve felt it. Doug too. I have this sort of. Radar. Not a gaydar Evie. A real one it’s sort of a feeling. I can feel the exact moment someone’s died. Two people have died in this building. But they’re fully human. Their stamp is different. And the second gunshot was a cover up. I think.

Mal: then how do we find Ben.

Carlos (sauntering in with the tracking device and followed by Jay who’s got the biggest grin on his face): I may be able to help with that oh mother of mine. Behold ladies and gentlemen. And sea witch and bastard pirates. My DNA tracking device. And one of dad’s hairs.

Mal (walking hopefully over to him): really. You brilliant child MWAH (she kisses him on the forehead) uh how does it work?

Carlos (slightly embarrassed but still a little smug): like so

(He puts the strand into the slat. It beeps getting faster and faster and more and more higher pitched. The fizzles out and dies)

Carlos: This didn’t happen last time. And no Evie I literally just fixed it up. I did everything correctly. Why isn’t it. Why isn’t it working? CMON DAMN YOU. WORK. I WANNA FIND MY DAD. ARRRRRGH

(He throw the machine away and copies Mal’s previously hunched over forlorn stance)

Carlos (near tears): I just want my dad back.

(Jay crouches down and hugs him tight)

Gil: what hair did you use?

Carlos: dads! What kind of hair do you think I would’ve used for finding the fucking king?

Gil: purple.

Carlos: huh?

Gil: Ben’s hair is purple now. Like Mal’s. He’s got her magic. And the ember finished the metamorphosis. His hair’s completely purple now. Ergo cinnamon coloured hair wouldn’t work anymore because he’s not fully human anymore.

Harry: what the fuck

Uma: you never used to be this comprehensible

Gil: I’m not just a pretty face and a hot bod now. Cranial gears are turning constantly in this ol noggin of mine. I like it here

Carlos: so, I’m not a failure

Mal (smiling reassuringly): not even close

Evie: you never were C.

Jay: at least we know it still works.

Hadie: our nephews a genius

Harry: he ain’t my nephew. He’s my would be victim

Mal: I can turn into a dragon so watch your cartoonishly lipless mouth

Harry: or what?

Mal: how does a gangly fillet mingon sound?

Harry: I dunno what that is but since you’re the one that said it then it’s gonna mean my death

Mal: so you finally managed to win at connect the dots. Congratulations dickbrain

Cj: Harry

Harry: give me one good reason I should snap you’re fugly little neck right now

Jay: Mal

Mal (sarcastically): uhhhh I’m a dragon which is how we started this ridiculous skit in the first place

Gil: HEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! Look!

(The other ten follow the direction he’s pointing in. While Mal and hook were arguing the suits of armour snuck up on them. A hundred of them from all over the school. All to stop them in their tracks. This is when the opening to “this is war” happens)

Carlos: oh. My. Grandfather

Evie: what do we do?

Mal: uhhhh

Evie: Mal! WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO?

Uma: we fight. This is what we know.

Mal: I think they want me

Jay: nuh uh. No way. Ain’t gonna happen. You are not pulling the self sacrificial care. Not again.

Celia: I can take em

Core five, Huma, Hadie and the hook sisters: think again kiddo

Celia: oh I can fight

Mal: it’s a warning

Jay: a what?

(This is when “this is war” starts fully. After the song Mal nearly collapses but Jay catches her)

Mal: ohhh I cant believe that worked

Jay: you alright

Mal: don’t worry about me. Celia, you doing ok?

Uma: she’s fine

Celia: I can speak for myself thanks. I’m fine Mal.

Mal: good. Now we need to send a message to Maleficent and Chad. Maybe if I

Harry: oh for fucks sake. There’s more of them

(Sure enough. Thirty more suits of armour are marching towards the eleven vks)

Mal: of course. Oh my god I’m an idiot, not one word, from any of you or your tongue will disappear. If it’s Maleficent’s spell then

Jay: only another spell will counteract it

Evie: but what spell can counteract that of a dark fairy armed with the fairy godmothers wand.

Hadie: that of a god

(They all turn to look at him)

Hadie: with a little help from a free genie and child prodigy of course

Jaylos: we’re in

Mal: I hope to our father you know what you’re doing

Hadie: I’m a disciple of Dionysus. The first of this generation actually. What better way to stop the embodiment of evil with the embodiment of fun?

Mal: I wouldn’t know. I was never much fun

Evie: it’s true. I have it written on record in my diary.

Mal: oh that reminds me. Now we’re really sisters. I can read your diary with impunity

Evie: you can’t. Seriously. You can’t. It’s locked in a chest in my macrame room. And no one but Doug and I are allowed in my macrame room

Mal: That’s because it’s not a macrame room isn’t it? It’s you and Doug’s own private little love

Carlos: ohhhhkay. Let’s break this up before someone, Evie, gets thrown through a window or shot apart with glass.

Hadie: I concur nephew. Now everyone get to safety. Jay, Carlos and I will handle things from here

(Mal and Uma poof everyone else out of the room)

Hadie (eyes glowing a steely grey): suit of armor strong and true/make this metal bust a move

(This is when “cha cha slide” happens. After the song Hadie steps up to the final suit of armour)

Hadie: I believe my dear sister should have the honour of felling this one don’t you?

Jay: I should think so yes. What about you C?

Carlos: just tell em it’s safe to come back and dispense with the bullshit

Jay: Mal, Evie, Gil, Celia. Guys, it’s ok to come back now.

Hadie: Harry too

Jay: urgh...fine. Fathead as well.

(Two streams of smoke, one purple and one turquoise, swirl up from the floor and the other eight vks appear)

Mal: so what’s with the, uh, lone cyberman?

Jay: first of all, impeccable reference. Second of all, the three of us thought that you should do away with this yahoo

Mal: why?

Uma: yeah, why should she do it

Jay: because Mal is queen and you, captain calamari, barely qualify as a peasant. Go on M.

Mal: ok, ok. Ok. How do I...? OOH! I know. Ahem. (Her eyes start glowing). Go back to your masters, tell them that the vks are back in Auradon. We are running them out of town. And we are not gonna rest until they’re defeated. GO!

(The final suit of armour marches away)

Hadie: you’re incredible

(Uma looks mortally offended)

Mal: thanks. If you’ll excuse me (she takes a long swig if whiskey out of a hip flask) ohhhh that’s much better

Uma: is she seriously gonna be doing this most of the day?

Mal: probably. Milo’s asleep. So I’ve not got my therapist in hand.

Jay: if you don’t like it you can go

Hadie: please, please go

Evie: and ideally take a long walk off a short pier

Carlos: and get eaten by sharks

Celia: she’s my sister guys

Jaylos, Evie and Hadie: Sorry Ceels

Celia: Don’t be. She’s a drag

Mal: we need to find Ben

Carlos: agreed

Mal: so here’s what we’re gonna do. Evie, Uma and I are gonna take Celia to Evie and Doug’s place you’re rest up, I know you say you’re fine but your dad told me to look after you and I’m not ready to gain my inheritance yet

Uma: huh

Celia: dad’ll kill her if I get hurt or die

Uma: ohhhh

Mal: Jay, Carlos, Gil, Hadie. You guys look for Ben. The forest, the lake, surrounding areas. Any other places you can think of.

Hadie (joyfully): oh wait wait wait.

Mal: yeah?

Hadie: there’s a lot of intermagical tension within this little group and I personally feel that it could be dissipated if we do something about it

Mal: heh?

Hadie: an ice breaker

(The others groan outwardly)

Hadie (oblivious): I’ll go first. Harry

Harry (to himself): oh shit

Hadie: I love that your head has shrunk down from your infancy

(There’s a highly troubled silence)

Hadie (brightly): who’d like to go next

Carlos: I will. Gil. I love that you took to inventing like a duck to water.

Hadie: awww

Carlos: I’m not done yet. Uma. I hate you.

Hadie: ok...?

Carlos: I hate your. Idiocy. Your shortsightedness. Your malevolence. Your vindictiveness. Your. Obsession with one upping my mother. But if I’d course you don’t do you? Not if you’re the one in the right. Do you even know what he tried to do to me? Five years ago on my eleventh birthday I got lost in the marketplace. Separated from Mal and jay. I wandered into the docks. And I heard barking. Loud. Feral. Wolf like barking. I ran. But he cornered me. I yelled for help. And I heard you laughing. You laughed as I cried for someone to save me. Someone did. Evie. Did. She stabbed him in the leg. We left Harry bleeding out on the floor. But I still have nightmares sometimes. And I think I’ll always have them. But that’s ok. But you have to keep that away from me if you ever want me to see you as anything other than a petty vindictive shrimpy looking bitch.

Hadie (nonplussed): wow. Harry is this true?

Harry (very very surprised but not at all ashamed): well I uh...oh yeah. And I’d do it again. It was a really fun time for me

Carlos: I’m gonna kill him

Mal: bury the body in the forest. We’ll split up into two groups. My sister and cousins with me. Jay leads the search for Ben. Carlos Gil and Hadie go with him

Uma: and what about them?

(She points to the hook sibling)

Mal: honestly I blocked them out. Uhhhh.

Carlos: they can go with us.

Everyone else: what?

Carlos: my boyfriends a genie. My uncles a god. They can keep them in line. And as the cliche goes. Keep those you hate in short spikes

Cj: that is not the

Mal, Jay and Evie: yes it is.

Hadie: so I guess this is where we part ways. Awww. Our little family’s breaking up. I’m sad now

(Audrey walks in just as Hadie’s about to bear hug Evie)

Audrey: Mal?

Mal (relieved): Audrey? Good. You’re not asleep. He’s not gotten to you yet.

Audrey: no. Ben told me to activate the defensive mechanisms. Then I heard you fighting. Carlos you were great by the way. And who are these guys

Hadie: my names Hadie. I’m gay.

Audrey: I’m Audrey. And do I really look desperate?

Evie: don’t talk to me, I hate you

Mal: RIGHT! Of course. Introductions. Hadie’s my oldest brother. The one with a raccoon face that’s eyeing you like a piece of meat is my other brother Icarus. Sidenote: Evie’s my little sister and she’s 24 hours younger than me. Scary looking girl is Uma, my cousin. She’s hates me. Redcoat is Harry’s ever something truthful sister Harriet, their father is very imaginative. And the other one eyeing you like a piece of meat is Harry’s other sister Cj. Listen gormless. Audrey’s straight. You’re not getting lucky

Cj: dammit

Audrey: Uma...oh yeah. I’ve heard of you. Though judging from your frankly terrifying expression my longevity relies on me not saying what I’ve heard so I’ll shut up now

Uma (scowling): good choice

Mal: lets go to your room. We can talk there. I’m still not entirely sure this areas safe. Walls could have ears

(They all go to Audrey’s room. Outside the school Hades is trying to explain himself to Elsa)

Hades: what else do you need to know? I’ve said everything of importance

Elsa: but what I don’t get is why show up now

Hades: to help. To help my children defeat my ex wife

Lonnie: whoah whoah uhuh um. Ex wife?

Hades: yes. Maleficent. She left the morning after the ceremony. Can you imagine?

Lonnie: sadly yes.

Hades: I feel your pain. She was exquisite in the

Lonnie (hands covering her ears): LALALALALALALALALALALALALAIMNOTLISTENINGLALALALALALALALALALA

Elsa: it’s a tetchy subject

Hades: so I can see

Jane: are you really here to help

Dizzy: more to the point. Is Harry really my uncle?

Hades: yes. And yes

Dizzy: this is proof more then ever that there is no god. Except there is. You’re it. But he still exists. Why

Hades: I was hard up

Dizzy: I’m gonna need so much therapy after this

Elsa: agreed. Well my lord hades. I’m sorting this out so there’s no need for you here. If you’ll be on your way I can help my daughter and her friends

Hades: my daughters and their friend could do with my help

Lonnie (aside to the other two): you’ve heard of fighting in-laws? Well here’s the rarer but just as intense biological parents vs adoptive parents. I saw it on tv once

Dizzy: and?

Lonnie: nothing made sense. But hades seems nicer then Regina.

Dizzy: mom wouldn’t let me watch that show. She hated that woman

Lonnie: many do

Jane: and the rest?

Lonnie: think she’s a lesbian and in love with the biological parent. Who’s also her step granddaughter

Jane: some people are very weird

Lonnie: tell me about it

Elsa: I don’t want to hear it. You left them to their mothers and that cannot be forgiven. So no. I’m not gonna let you interfere with my daughter or her friends

Lonnie: here’s an idea. How about we all go help? Hades is more powerful then Maleficent. Elsa is an entirely different class of magic. We’re up against the fairy godmothers wand. Aka. Jane’s inheritance. So it’d be more productive if we all pooled our efforts, locate my boyfriend and his family and then take down chad and Maleficent. How does that sound

(The adults murmur their agreement)

Lonnie: now we can concentrate on

(A window on one of the upper floors explodes and a giant shadow flies out followed by a couple of gauntlets and pieces of chainmail and four helmets)

Jane: oh that is not good

Hades (worriedly): Celia. Oh this is not good

Lonnie: what do we do?

Hades: I’ll tell you what we’re going to do. We’re going to get my children and my boyfriends daughters

Jane: I’m sorry what?

Dizzy: Uma and Celia are Doctor Facillier’s daughters. And how come you never told me you were dating him

Hades: it’s only been six months sweetheart. No one really knows yet and I’m an idiot cause he swore me to secrecy. Great. My wife’s going to be so thrilled

Jane: you have a wife? But Maleficent divorc

Hades: Persephone and I have a standing agreement from three million years ago. We’re gods. As long as she know most of them she promises not to smite them and vice versa

Lonnie: I hope Gil and I have a love like yours

Hades: thank you dear. You were being sarcastic weren’t you?

Lonnie: yes I was sir

Hades (smiling genuinely): I like you

Lonnie (smiling as well): I wish I could say the same

Elsa: how do you propose we get into the castle “milord”?

Hades: magic. Obviously.

Elsa: your move

Hades: gladly. Is everyone ready?

Elsa: oh we’re ready

(He steps forward and ignites his hands. This is when “the Phoenix” happens)

#disney descendants #zendaya!mal

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nineteensixtieschikadee · 5 years

Text

Debunking Arya Stark being Azor Ahai and the Princess That Was Promised. (S8 E3)

(Let’s get one thing straight before I write this whole post. I LOVE Arya Stark. That girl is my baby. She’s my favorite character, not only in the show, but also very importantly, in the books. And I LOVED that she was the one to kill the Night King. So this post isn’t in any way going to a post about me complaining about the final 10 minutes of Episode 3 of S8. Instead, this will be me CRITICALLY ANALYZING that moment, and how it fit’s and doesn’t fit into the lore, and the books. Afterall, I am a book reader first and foremost, and a show-watcher 2nd.)

Before I say anything else, I’ll give you guys my rundown opinion of that scene. This morning I was on twitter and Tumblr, and I started losing my freaking marbles because everyone was labeling Arya Stark, Azor Ahai Reborn, and TPTWP. And I wasn’t the only one. Everyone on the asoiaf forums were equally disappointed at how everything about e3 was handled. And I, unfortunately, am one of those people. But here’s the thing, and let’s make this clear. Ask any book reader, NONE OF US ARE MAD THAT ARYA KILLED THE NK. In fact, a lot of us expected something like that, because we know that Arya in the books will have a VERY IMPORTANT role for the upcoming war for the Dawn. There are lots of hints and foreshadow about her doing something remarkable in the books, however, this is not one of them. So let’s analyze and debunk this moment:

Yes, Arya killing the Night King was hella bad-ass. Hell, I even cheered for her. Although when it got to the final credits, I was literally so lost, and confused, and overall disappointed. I was lowkey quiet for the first 10 minutes after, because I couldn’t believe what actually happened. Here’s the thing that is irking everyone about Arya being AA or TPTWP: her killing the NK, so easily AND ALONE is what ruined the plot arcs of some of those characters whose plot actually revolves around the Others. Yes, the moment was EMPOWERING. Being a women who stopped the damn apocalypse. I was inspired. And it was very poetic that Arya killed the ULTIMATE representation of DEATH. But the BUILDUP to her killing the NK? Where was it? A simple foreshadow from Mel about eye colors? The fact that Arya used a sparring move against Brienne in S7? A moment when Bran gives her Catspaw? When she meets Jon, and Jon says, “How did you sneak up on me?”?

Here, the reason why Arya SIMPLY killing the NK so easily doesn’t work, is because it INVALIDATES EVERYTHING about the books and it’s morals, and the text. Arya killing the NK with one stab, while Dany couldn’t even injure him with fire, fucks up the lore and the history so badly, that it all feels so worthless. Pointless. What? Was everything that happened in the books a BIG RED HERRING?? You spend so many years BUILDING up to this war, and Arya simply killing him without any problems or consequences is what wins the war? What about Daenerys? What about Jon? WHAT WAS THE POINT? WHY WAS HE WAS BROUGHT BACK? Just to be King? Huh? And BRAN.

Yes GOT is about the Throne. And it would make sense that the show ends where it started, with the throne. But the whole point of A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE is about ICE AND FIRE. The balance between life and death. The balance between good and bad. The balance between magic and reality. The whole point of the battle between ice and fire, is that none of the things involving the throne matters. Bc there is an even more powerful danger lurking on both sides. Dany being a danger from the south (fire) and the Others from the north (Ice). There has to be a balance between those two things, and that is not the Iron Throne.

Let’s go back to the AA prophecy quickly. People on twitter were lowkey confused because apparently no one knows who Azor Ahai is, and now everyone immediately thinks it’s Arya cause she killed the NK. Here’s a small rundown: Azor Ahai, or The Prince/Princess who was promised was a prophized figure who fought against the Others (White Walkers), bringing forth a summer after a generation of winter and darkness. This prophecy is to come back into fruition once more, now that winter is coming. And HIS is the SONG OF ICE AND FIRE, who will be reborn amidst salt and smoke, and is prophisized to save the world AGAIN from eternal darkness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3o2LqFZcGU Click the link for more info. This one is my favorite video analysis about AA. (IN SHORT, AA IS BASICALLY JESUS, LOL)

Now I know prophecy should always be taken with a grain of salt. It shouldn’t be taken too lightly, or too figuratively. BUT! AA is NOT just anyone. There are REQUIREMENTS to be this prophesied savior. (See video above.) Those requirements do NOT FIT ARYA. I really tried. No this fandom tried. We tried making even the slightest connection, even metaphorically that Arya could somehow be the PTWP. But the only thing we could find that actually made sense, was that she felt “reborn” when she saw the red comet (bleeding star) back in ACOK (S2). Not even metaphorically does she fit this prophecy. Now here’s the next counter argument: What if prophecy is just bullshit, and none of it is real, and we’re all just wasting our time? Yes, all of that is plausible. HOWEVER, you spend all this time, 8 seasons, 5 books, with SO SO SO MUCH foreshadow and hints, and LEGITIMATE EVIDENCE, that it doesn’t properly pay off? GRRM is NOT like that. There are characters in the books that predict ACCURATE prophecies and foreshadows. In fact, there is a character who is known to accurately predict prophecy. And she does for Arya. Guess who it is? *Bingo bingo!* The GHOST OF HIGHHEART. (Jenny’s Song. S8 E2)

“I see you. I see you, wolf child. Blood child. I thought it was the lord who smelled of death ... You are cruel to come to my hill, cruel. I gorged on grief at Summerhall, I need none of yours. Begone from here, dark heart. Begone!” (ASOS, pg 593)

Prophecy may not be accurate at times. But they DO pay off. This prophecy here is literally the equivalent of Melisandre giving the “Colored eyes” prophecy in the show. Because in the books, Mel doesn’t even meet Arya and there is no colored eye foreshadow, or any sort of foreshadow that she is TPTWP. There is however, other ways you can interpret this prophecy above. (You decide.)

Prophecy is a BIG THING about the books. Yes, it may not be accurate, but they HOLD MEANING. THE AZOR AHAI PROPHECY IS THE BACKBONE OF THE WHOLE WHITE WALKER STORYLINE. By ignoring this prophecy, you are essentially taking away the PURPOSE and the real motives of these characters who are INTERTWINED with this prophecy. The reason why Arya killing the NK so easily and ALONE is a problem with us, is because it invalidates this prophecy, and therefore makes everything, all the buildup absolutely POINTLESS. The characters that have been involved from Day 1 with this prophecy, have been reduced to nothing more than a side story. A myth.

Let’s look at all the characters whose building story arc have become irrelevant because of the writer’s decision to pull that plot twist:

Jon Snow:

Wow. This one literally couldn’t hurt any more than it already does... From his first chapter, to his first scene in the show, we are led to believe that this character is literally nothing more than Ned Stark’s bastard. A side character. It is made clear that he IS A BASTARD. He IS AN OUTSIDER. Both him and Arya have parallel arcs. They intertwine beautifully. This is why people think Arya will also have a role to play with the Others in the later books. Because she and Jon share the same story, just she is dealing with a different kind of death. GRRM from the book emphasizes Jon’s bastard title, and his mother. And he isn’t really made out to be an important character until MUCH LATER in the book series. The fact that there’s so much emphasis on his title, and R+L=J is IMPORTANT. Bc the whole AA prophecy states that AA will be reborn out of Jaehaerys line. Not anyone from the Starks. Also the line, “You know nothing Jon Snow,” is even more relevant because it’s full of irony. You have the guy who’s known to know nothing, but he actually KNOWS MORE than anyone realizes. Jon’s whole arc is about the Others. Which would have made his fight with them MUCH MORE PERSONAL because his storyline is physically and emotionally connected to them. The fact that he joins the Night’s Watch is important too. Because no, they don’t just fight wildlings in the books. Their purpose was to protect the realm from the Others. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the fire that burns against the cold, the light that brings the dawn, the horn that wakes the sleepers, the shield that guards the realms of men. This is so relevant because Jon becoming king, would make it MUCH MORE meaningful. A king that PROTECTED the realm. Assuming he even becomes king, would make his whole arc come full circle and would be so much more rewarding. You have this dude resurrected from the dead, and what? Was his purpose just to unite the people and become king? You have this character foreshadowed to have a standoff with the ultimate bad guy, and he does nothing but run around screaming at an undead dragon...Yes, it’s cliche. BUT IT’S STILL GOOD STORY TELLING BECAUSE IT’S BEEN BUILT UP PROPERLY.

Bran Stark:

I don’t even have words for this one... You have Brandon Stark literally the most OP person in all of the seven kingdoms and YOU. DONT. USE. HIM. Okay I agree, GRRM says Bran is the hardest character to write in the books, but that shouldn’t be an excuse for him to just warg into ravens and do what? Scout? That’s it? This kid was literally pushed off a tower that ended up triggering his journey to become the 3-eyed raven a.k.a THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE UNIVERSE, and he does absolutely nothing but sit around predicting other peoples future, and being weird, and warging into ravens. Lol what’s worse is that he’s just there in the show to serve the other character’s plot line. By “TRIGGERING” these events that the characters will eventually get into. Bloodraven in the books is SCARY AS HELL. No one really knows his motive and yet he can do so much more than what Bran does in the show. Bloodraven is the definition of MIND BLOWING. Bran AND JON ARE THE TWO PEOPLE WHO ARE THE MOST PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED TO THE OTHERS, AND BY THE END, THEIR WHOLE ARCS WERE THROWN IN THE TRASH. They don’t have a big face off, or any sort of payoff. Just staring and staring and staring. And BAM. Welp Night King’s dead. Oops guess we were just here for absolutely no other purpose than to trigger events and bring all these dumb people together. (Sorry, this one lowkey triggered the hell out of me. The 3 eyed Raven, Hodor, Meera and Jojen DID NOT DIE just for Bran to not be used to his full potential...)

Daenerys Targaryen:

This one is soo annoying. Daenerys Targaryen, fits literally ALMOST ALL the signs of the prophecy that it almost seems too obvious if she was AA. But welp, none of that matters now because she didn’t really do anything to kill the Night King. SHE DID DO MORE THAN JON though, I’ll give her that. Yeah she’s a conqueror going for the Iron Throne. But she’s also a direct descendant of King Jaehaerys’ line. Part of her whole arc is fire and blood. But it is also about her fight for her birthright, and if she would give up her birthright to fulfill something greater. We as fans, we root for her to get the throne. But we also root for her to do something MORE. But more IMPORTANTLY, her arc is also in parallel with the Others. And no, I don’t mean that she’s a mad queen. But the title of the series is called A Song of Ice and Fire. Daenerys is a THREAT from the south. (Fire.) And the Others are a threat from the north. (Ice) There has to be a balance between them. In the show she loses a dragon, one of her children. And the fact that her choice of weapon doesn’t do ANY damage to the ultimate villain, but a simple stabbing does? I don’t even like Daenerys much after s6, but wow. This was underwelming to the core. Dragon chick who’s literally a level 1K going against another level 1K final boss and can’t do shit to him??

Rhaegar Targaryen:

This I think is the one that ANNOYS ME THE MOST. Like holy shit, they could not have possibly damaged this whole wretched storyline even more than they already did. But somehow the show writers managed to go and give it one final blow. Rhaegar Targayen. The one arguably responsible for ALL the shit we have in Game of Thrones. The one whose actions triggered nearly every single arc into motion in this whole goddamn series. The man who is arguably considered the REAL MAIN CHARACTER in ASOIAF. HIS WHOLE COMPLEX CHARACTER ARC AND STORYLINE FLUSHED DOWN THE TOILET. I love Rhaegar’s character in the books, cause he’s well, not exactly a good guy. He’s in that perfect morally grey area, which is what I love about characters. He’s not suppose to be likeable. He’s suppose to be complex. But the show not only managed to make him the MOST UNLIKEABLE character in this series, but they also managed to ruin all of his complexities in favor of making him a love-sick puppy thinking with his dick. This was lowkey the biggest fuck you they could give to his character, the characters surrounding him, (*cough* Elia) and to the lore and history of the books. Rhaegar’s whole arc and storyline revolved around this stupid prophecy and that’s literally THE reason why everything went down the way it did in the books. Elia was also INTO the prophecy too, so it’s not like she wasn’t aware of anything! Elia was even helping Rhaegar fullfill this prophecy, it just so happens that she was too sick, to do anything more. The fact that the show chose to ignore this whole thing and disregard the lore surrounding it is literally is the biggest fuck you to Elia and her children. It means that Rhaegar truly was a mad man who left his wife and disowned his children because he was thinking with his dick. When in fact it wasn’t really like that. Rhaegar really did try to protect Elia and their children when he left them. And that too gets thrown in the trash because of this dumb prophecy. And that sucks because Elia played an important role with this prophecy, and she knew and understood it too. And in the end, none of their actions became worth it... By not having the proper payoff from all of this buildup, Elia and her children literally died for NOTHING.

Other characters who’s arc were ruined by the mess in e3:

Samwell Tarly: Was the first character to discover that WW can be killed with dragonglass. He was studying at the citadel to learn more about them, and find info on how to beat them. Not only did this NOT happen, but he didn’t even contribute to anything for the end of the world. Literally just went back to being the scared little puppy he was back in S1/book1. His role then had no relevancy because NK was killed so easily, and he didn’t even learn a single thing about him or how to kill him, other than him wanting to “erase memories.” His whole arc was about him being more than what he believed in. Being smarter than what his father thought he was. And they did not utilize that. He coward back again! Like what was the point of him going to the citadel and stuff if literally the EASIEST way to kill the NK was a simple stab with a special steel?

This episode had so many problems. But Arya Stark killing the NK WASN’T the main problem. You can have the most beautiful shot television series with so much time and effort put in it. But all of that means nothing when the writing is not consistent. The fact that the show did a 360 and practically ignored literally EVERYTHING about the lore and the text, is what’s frustrating everyone. Because while Arya killing the NK and saving the realm BY HERSELF was yes, poetic and SERVED WELL TIEING UP HER ARC, in doing so, it had managed to UNTIE literally YEARS and years of plot threads and buildup from most of the other CRUCIAL characters, that in the end, it feels so empty. Arya should not have killed the NK ALONE. Bran should’ve been a part of it. Jon should’ve helped Arya kill the NK. Now that would’ve been a good payoff for both their arcs. Jon, Bran, Arya, Daenerys and Tyrion are considered by GRRM to be the CORE 5 of the story. And in the end, in this supposedly world ending apocalypse, only Arya really played a KEY role. Bran didn’t do anything powerful to stop the NK. He only triggered events and was bait. Daenerys was getting slaughtered out there, and even her most prized weapon could help her fully. Jon... Let’s be honest, no one knows what in the world Jon was doing this ep. Tyrion was down in the crypts, when this little man literally could have contributed to WAR TACTICS. All these characters are connected with the Others emotionally, physically and/or metaphorically, that the fact that only one of them became crucial to the endgame, makes the story so POINTLESS. What was the point of bringing Jon back from the dead if he was only going to unite people and become king? What was the point of Bran venturing far north to become the most powerful human being, if all he’s going to do is trigger events and warg into ravens? etc.

Arya killing the NK alone hurts because while she is foreshadowed to play a crucial role against the Others in the books, SHE IS THE MOST DISTANT FROM THEM IN TERMS OF STORYLINE. It doesn’t pay off well in the show, because until a couple of weeks ago, she didn’t even know the Others existed. Up until last night’s battle, she’s never seen a white walker. That’s why it didn’t feel right for her to do the kill alone. Her arc did not intertwine with the Others, physically or emotionally. Unlike Jon or Bran whose literal whole arc has been with the Others, and is about the Others. That’s why it feels so empty. It didn’t feel rewarding. It was undeserving. Because up until last night, she’s had no interaction with a single Other, whatsoever. The buildup was actually weak, and because of it, it didn’t feel as good as it should’ve.

Arya’s plotline is more than just hyping up to kill the Others. Like the other core members, she has a complex story arc. Arya’s storyline is about her heart in conflict with itself. It’s about her identity. Part of the reason why she struggles in AFFC & ADWD in her Faceless Man arc, is because she CAN’T become a faceless man. Her heart won’t let her forget her identity. That’s also why she’s had so many other identities in the books. Her different identities are about survival as well. They’ve helped her survive. It’s not really about revenge, and killing, and white walkers. But it’s about her, having so many identities and finding her way back to her true identity. Finding her way back to being a Stark.

So yeah. Arya killing the NK so SIMPLY when there should’ve been more, is like a big fuck you to the books and what it stands for. It invalidates the books. The fact that the books hype up this war for the dawn and prophecy and the Others, and then it just ends after 1 episode? Like that’s it? The NK being killed so easily? The payoff was weak, and it hurts not only the book fans but the book and it’s characters in general. No Arya is not Azor Ahai reborn, or any prophisized savior. She is an assassin and the slayer of the Night King. But to make it even more utterly pointless, the NK doesn’t even exist in the books.

The episode was fun, tense and good! Arya killing the NK was hella badass. But... it just wasn’t A Song of Ice and Fire.

(Congrats if you made it to the end of my very, very, long essay! As always, debates are up and open! Feel free to counter-argue!) :)

#game of thrones #got #got spoilers #Arya Stark #jon snow #daenerys targaryen #bran stark #azor ahai #the prince that was promised #house stark #a song of ice and fire #asoiaf #the battle of winterfell #the long night #this whole post made me sad lol

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arilisaslytherin · 6 years

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Update 18/9/18

my stories lately have been... troubling. I’ve started, stopped, restarted and thrown out many ideas over the last few months so here’s an update on where everything's at for all my stories thus far. starting off- my posted stories! A Life With Magic- Chapter 4, Pending Darker Souls- Rewrite in progress. Chapter 13 Pending (not sure where that ones going but i’m not ready to give up on it) Isn’t this ment to be Impossible?- Chapter 3 ready for edits. Chapter 4 in progress. Chat Box Mayhem- Chapter 3...???? its somewhere. and now, Unposted. this is gonna get long guys since im gonna be adding mini discriptions. Divinity- Voldemort wins but the public is still against him. left with no other choice he sets out of gain teh favor of an Angel, the lighest being her could find. unforunately for him the only angel around is a young man abused by people all his life... and he wont be easy to convince. Harry/Diary!Tom A Divine Kind of Dark- Master of Death Harry is sent back to his original realm to entertain death and keep magicals safe from muggle hands. his first stop? making sure Voldemort doesn’t cause a scene. he probably should have considered the repercusions of giving the man a decent body back... but hey, hey has a cute crystal fox so- what could go wrong? (this one is actually going really well) So much for diplomatic talks- honestly i dont know where im going with this. the title is a work in progess and the rough idea is Kitsune-person Harry Potter leaves the wizarding would flat on their backs when he does whatever the hell he wants. even Voldemort is at a loss of what to do. Ice Skating AU. idk yet. i just want to write something with ice skating. blame 'You get what you give' and Yuri on Ice for this one. but right now i just dont know. leaving it in the air for now. Hoard- Alisaie is part dragon, unknown to most of the wizarding world and even herself for a time. Over her years at Hogwarts she collects her Hoard... (basically an excuse to write Dragon!Harry. fight me i actually like this one. its been here through purge after purge but progress is slow) HeartBeats- You would think, in his time, that Voldemort would have learnt that there is very little a guardian won't do for their charge when they truly care. So why, did Voldemort continue to go after Harry Potter when he attended 6th year with two children in tow? Simple. He was a fucking Idiot. (Basically Harry adopts two girls and makes a deal with Voldemort to keep them safe. the result... well, it works out for the both of them) How to Bullshit the System (fake title until i work something out).- Harry Potter was a perfectly normal colledge student. thank you very much. until he was thrown into his 11 year old body and shipped off to magical school. honestly, if he ever got back to his world. he was going to fucking kill Tom Riddle for writing those rediculous books. as is... well, he'd have to settle for fucking over 'Lord Voldemort'. Projec; Atlantis- Harry Potter disappeared from the world 17 years ago... in hindsight. hiding by working for the Dark Lord using a new look and name was definity going to bite him in the arse sooner or later. honestly he's surprised it took this long. Winging it- Harry Potter runs away from the wizarding world using his anamigus form and ends up at Malfoy Manor. what follows is... well, lets just say he's winging the situation. because he has long since lost control of this train.Potterverse/MCU Dark is all i see- Harry Potter didn't know why or how he ended up as he did. but with a little devil on his shoulder, superpower and magic. who would ever expect him to turn out like a normal teenager? honestly Dumbledore is lucky he didn't end up a merenary. and really. Voldemort can fuck off. he has bigger things to fry then Dark Lords trying to take over a school... Glitter and Gold- Diana Potter deveolped an Obscurial at age 5 and Petunia Dursley moved both her and Dudley out of Vernon's house at age 7. getting an in with the avangers at 14 was luck. getting captured by Voldemort a few days before Thanos fucked over the universe was... annoying.Potterverse/CWDC universe How to steal a Dark Lord- Wrong-boy-who-lived! Lily raises Harry in france with Leonard Snart. coming back to Britain for the triwizard tornument no ones sure what to think of the Hadrian Snart... a boy who looks rimarkably like Richard Potter. least of all Tom Riddle. Meta Magic- Harry Potter ends up in the CWDCU. this idea isn't 100% fleshed out. will see where it goes.there's more but... they dont have to do with Harry Potter. and im not sure where they're going to be honest so i think i'll leave this post here. any of the bolded stories are ones that have made good (aka any) progress in the last month.

#update #Harry Potter #Fanfic #Tomarry #Harrymort

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divagonzo · 6 years

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Communication Silence

Ch. 16 of the Ron Weasley Chronicles

Ao3 // FF.net

A/N: In light of the last month’s worth of discussion and diatribes I figure an update is worthwhile. The first part might be confusing but I promise it’s important to the story. Rated T for the occasional harsh word and Ron’s temper but otherwise good. Ace Safe.

Knock Knock

“Come in,” a gravelly voice answered the quiet knock on the door. Hermione slipped in before closing it softly behind her.

“Jones,” her voice cracked and she didn’t look like she had slept much. “You’re awake.” Hermione looked over and saw Ron snoring in a pointedly uncomfortable chair between them. Harry, as she expected, was fast asleep in his bed.

“He crashed about two hours ago after I woke back up. I told him I’d stay awake and keep watch while he took a kip.” Hemera lifted her chin instead of lifting her arm. “You look like a dragon took a dump on you.”

“You’re crass, as always, but you are accurate. I’ve been at the Ministry most of the night. I took that sample by George and he affirmed it was originally his but when he tested it, he said it was not his formula. Someone had tampered with it further, by adding distilled ethanol into it. That additional ingredient made it stronger, more potent. So what you thought that went into your drink wasn’t in the drink. George said if you had the entire dosing of the potion, it would have poisoned you and killed you inside a minute. His theory and I agree is that a bare glossing on the lips would be enough for a dose, provided the poisoner was immune or protected.”

“You mean when she kissed me that first time, that was enough?”

“He reckons so. I took the sample to the Ministry Potioneer to test. But you know that will probably take weeks to make a determination.” Hermione glanced over at the two men, one in the bed and the other snoring even louder from his head thrown over the back of the chair. “When I write up the background for this case to present to my Director, I will have in it that you were dosed by a contaminated potion which caused you to be compromised by Carrington. I’m going to write up that, while compromised, it had no bearing on this case.”

“You know as well as I do that it’s no excuse. It means it’s already in your head and you’re acting on it, to hell with the consequences.”

Hermione stole a glance at Ron. “I know that one all too well,” Hermione said to herself. “We all make mistakes, Jones. I’ve made enough for a lifetime. All of us have.”

“Give it another twenty years or so, Granger, and get back with me about it.”

Hermione snorted. “Well, I’ll give you that.” She glanced back at the other two. “Since it’s half three, I’ll head home and have a kip. I have to be in at 8 am and speak with the director about the case involving junior Auror Carrington.”

“Granger?”

Hermione stopped at the door. “Yes?”

“You don’t like me. You never have. You were nothing but a pain in my arse the first year I knew you and you’re still a pain in the ass. Why?”

Hermione sighed. “Do you want the abridged answer or long one?”

“Both.” Stern witches looked at one another.

“Short answer, since you asked, is this: You’re condescending. You irritate me to no end. There’s something off about you that I can’t figure out.”

“It’s because I’m gay.”

“That’s not it. Who and how you engage in carnal relations is irrelevant to me. Anyway, the long answer is that you’re patronizing and I’m get upset when my researched suggestions on how to improve situations for your job are dismissed without given a second thought. So, you irritate me for being stupid. I don't trust anyone who won’t listen when someone provides an alternative, even if it’s rubbish. The only ones who can get away with it are asleep in this room. Furthermore, I don’t know you so I don’t trust you. Since we don’t work directly together, I won’t get to know you. But my husband and best friend swear that you’re on the up and up and they trust you with their lives. I trust them with mine. It could be that we’re knocking sparks.

“Every professional relationship we’ve had is where you are a supervisor or mentor, never a peer. You’ve never treated me as anywhere near your equal, much less those two who I love more than my own life. By Merlin, I’ve worked my ass off to earn your respect and they have too. At some point, I hope to hell that you will respect them. I can deal with you being rude towards me.”

The dark witch in the institutional white bed nodded. “It’s nothing I didn’t expect. Go on.”

“While your dedication and work ethic is incredible, it’s a façade and not who you really are. But I doubt at this point I’ll ever know.”

“Sorry Granger, but what you see is what you get.”

“Then you’re one hell of an actress because all I see is a rude crass witch. When I first met you, you were yet another face in line at Hogwarts, teaching things that I honestly didn’t think were important. Yes, you had authority as a Professor at Hogwarts. You were there at the personal invitation of Professor McGonagall. Yes, I knew that you were there on a Mission for the Minister, while also keeping watch. I admit that I didn’t handle your class well, especially giving cheek so often. But then I’d lived through probably the worst things in my entire life less than a year prior and I wasn’t going to listen to someone tell me that what I went through was bullshit.”

Hemera smirked.

“Yes, I cursed. I do that from time to time. Ron has rubbed off on me but sometimes the harshness of a particular word is necessary.”

“Go on. I’m listening. I figure that after the last couple of days, I should listen to my mistakes so I can learn from them. You’ll also not sugar coat anything for my benefit.”

Hermione leaned against the door. “I don’t know where you got the idea that we’d be friends from the first day. I don’t know why you presumed that I would be so open and trusting with someone I didn’t know. Not even Professor McGonagall can force that. But,” Hermione stopped and she saw Hemera nodding, “But when you were teaching us, you were so bloody mental. You didn’t listen to anything the survivors were telling you. Because you were an Auror, you taught the class like no one else had gone through anything worse than taking our OWLs. Everyone in your classroom of seventh-year students had been through hell, one way or another. Yet you treated us like first years that didn’t deserve to be out from our Mum’s apron strings.”

“I had a task, Granger. The Minister wanted you in the Auror Corps and we needed the help. He thought you would be an amazing asset. I was also there to see if anyone else had the aptitude for it. When you’re down to 12 Aurors from 100 because of the culling and the Coup, you take what might work.”

Hemera winced while shifting in her bed. “But there was something else, something personal. Ron let it slip that you attacked him one time, with magic. He explained what happened when he was first assigned to me as a trainee. He tried to say he was responsible for it, and I know that’s bullshit. But it caused a huge problem. Do you want to know what that was, and what happened as a result?” Hemera’s eyes flashed. “No matter how hard I worked him, insulted him, belittled him, or humiliated him, he wouldn’t raise his wand against me. An Auror who won’t defend himself is useless to me and will probably get a whole team killed. No matter what I did to him, he wouldn’t raise his wand against me. He’d have no problems with the other Seniors in training. But me, a woman? He said he couldn’t do it, ‘cause of what you did to him.

“Do you know how bloody long it took me to re-train Ron after that incident? It took a month of daily training; a month of wasted time, all because you got shirty he went and kissed another girl ‘cause you couldn’t pull your finger out and tell the bloke you fancied him.”

“I couldn’t afford to lose him as my best friend!” Hermione yelled. She looked and saw Harry roll over in his bed and Ron shift but went back to snoring. “I didn’t know and you never said.”

“I was too busy fixing your mistakes, mistakes you never bother to apologize for. Hell, even I can say I’m sorry and I’m as much of an asshole as anyone. But you? Ron casually mentions off-hand that he has to back down while rowing with you, and apologize any time that you think he’s wrong.”

“That’s impossible. Ron never backs down from a fight, especially with me.”

“Isn’t it? You weren’t there seeing him constantly being knocked on his arse because he wouldn’t raise his wand in self-defense. When someone you love attacks you with magic it is a hard betrayal to overcome. But somehow he did but the consequences held him back until he pulled his head out of his arse and raised his wand to me and fought back like you finally did. Sure it took me dropping my wand and beating him to a pulp with my fists before he got angry enough and slugged me back.”

“Good for him,” Hermione muttered. “I would have loved to slug you myself some of those days.”

“Things would have gone swimmingly for you had you tried, Granger. You might have gotten over your fear and made something of yourself, for the Auror corps.”

“I have, but not in the way you or the Minister envisioned.

“And I am, but not in the way he envisioned. No, you tried your damnedest to get me to fall into that, risking life and limb like Ron and Harry.” Hermione bit her lip and stared at her husband, sitting awkwardly in the chair, still snoring, while Harry had turned on his side, skewing his glasses, snoring softly in the dim light of the room. “We went through hell and saw too much. I still have nightmares, these years later.” Her voice cracked on the last words. She took a big breath. “I couldn’t cope with it as a job, not after seeing people I respected, murdered before my very eyes.” Hermione turned back and wiped her face with her hand, smearing the last of the minuscule make-up she deigned to wear. “You’ve seen people murdered in front of you, I presume, right?” Hemera nodded. “Have you ever been in the situation where you couldn’t do a damn thing to save them, not when you had a greater task to accomplish? I did and witnessing that traumatized me. Those nightmares, of seeing him be killed right in front of our eyes, and I had to sit there and watch him bleed out, struggling to keep the blood from seeping from between his fingers and failing. I had to watch his last minute of life and not lift a finger to save him. I can still hear that scream, of fear and agony, in my nightmare. Sometimes I’m screaming. Sometimes it’s Harry or Ron.

“And then there was the torture I went through. That was… I still live with the side-effects. Did Ron ever tell you of those? It’s never fun being constantly cold, yet living with the nerve pain in my hands and strange tingling in my legs and feet. There are some days that a pain potion barely takes the edge off, much less lets me function. It’s like a toxic neuropathy and there is no cure for it. It’s also a bloody wonder that particular bit of information hasn’t been sold to the highest bidder. But then you were pretty instrumental, I presume, in keeping that bit of information quiet while at school, too, right?

Hemera nodded, barely.

“And then there was that moment when I was faced with the person responsible for my torture and why I still have side-effects of it. There was no way in Hell I would let her hurt my friends. Even if I died, I wasn’t going to stand aside. There was only one outcome, and it didn’t include arresting her.” Hermione motioned her wand and a chair slid over to her. She collapsed into it. “And that scares me, Hemera, and why I realized that I could never take Kingsley’s offer to be an Auror. My fury overrode any good sense when I saw her blasting people left and right inside the Great Hall. I was so angry, watching her hurt kids. I promised that no one else would be hurt by her. When I went up against her, I had no intention of disarming her. No, when I faced her, I fully intended to kill her, if I could.”

“But you didn’t,” Hemera spoke softly.

Hermione seemed to shrink down in the chair. “It wasn’t for a lack of trying on all of our parts. I only realized later that Luna and Ginny were there with me dueling by my side. I didn’t know Harry was alive until that powerful shield charm went up in front of Mrs. Weasley. Only he could do that. I wasn’t in any condition to think beyond the next moment and it didn’t include protecting her.”

“How can you remember all of this, so many years later?”

“Oh, that? I have iconic and eidetic memory. I’ve been that way since I was a child. I can remember things easily but distilling information that is useful is hard.”

“But I’ve seen you work your ass off. If you are so powerfully minded, why are you such a workaholic?”

“You know why,” she replied quietly. “It’s pretty obvious.”

“You are paranoid, that you don’t belong, and that paranoia makes you a pain in the ass to those who know you. You have to be the best at everything, even if it hurts your friends. You’re also afraid to fail.”

Hermione nodded once. “I’ve been through hell, estrangement, and loss. I’ve suffered from insomnia that would drive most people around the twist after the nightmares were too much. I’ve survived things that drove some of the best Aurors to a complete mental breakdown. And after everything, including you riding my ass, I’m still afraid of failing, whatever that might be.” Hermione glanced over at the other two men in the room and saw them both snoring away. She turned back to regard the witch in the bed. “After the whole thing with Mrs. Weasley and the rows I had with Ron, I had to step back and actually trust them. They can’t always explain things to my satisfaction when the time is vital. But Ron’s never let me down when it comes to doing his job the right way.

“The only thing I worry about now is how this job hurts him so much.” Hermione rubbed her eyes again, smudging the eyeshadow just a bit more.

“Someone has to do the grotty work, Granger. It takes someone with integrity to do it without being corrupted quickly.”

“And what about you?” Her bloodshot eyes were as hard as diamonds. “I might wonder if a pretty set of eyes can make you turn your head.”

“You never pull a punch, do you?”

Hermione didn’t smile. “I’m told it’s one of my better qualities.”

“Is this a Ministry endorsed interrogation?”

“No. This is me asking you if you’ve been corrupted. I won’t have those two,” she glanced behind her and saw Harry with his eyes barely open. If Harry was awake, Ron would be too. She turned back to Auror Jones. “I won’t have them working with someone who can be bribed with sex to turn the other way or refuse to arrest someone they have had a dalliance with. I’ll report you myself, even at the cost of upsetting them. I will do everything in my power to keep another coup from happening. And it starts with corruption.”

“How dare you!” Hemera roared.

Hermione’s voice was ice. “I dare because I love them more than my own life. I’ve proven it to them. You haven’t. Answer me now or so help me – “ Hermione pulled her wand and stared down the older witch in the bed.

“Enough. I’ll answer.” Hemera took a deep breath. “I did as required, informing Kingsley of what happened immediately. I also wrote it up for the Director and it’s in my record, for when my fitness report comes up. It’s only now that my partner found out and might throw me over the side. It might be that those who work for me, like you two sodding idiots, quit respecting me, for what happened.” Hermione glanced over and saw both were wide awake. “But if the Director demands my credentials and I’m forced out for it, I’ll accept it. If Aurora throws me aside for my indiscretion, I’ll accept that too. Merlin knows I’ve cocked up my life enough these past few months to everyone’s ire. Satisfied?”

Hermione dropped her wand and stowed it in the concealed holster on her left arm. “For now,” she answered.

Ron erupted in laughter. “Merlin, you’re as bad as I am.” Ron chortled. He stood and stretched, showing off a small strip of skin and some ginger hairs along his navel. “Every time I cock up, I expect everyone to kick me out of the house,” Ron smiled at Hermione, “Fire me from my job and get kicked in the shin by this git.” Ron looked at Harry and smiled. “And you know what? It never happens, no matter how much the fuck up. You might get yelled at but that’ll probably be the end of it.”

Hermione pushed her chair aside and went to her husband. He bent down for a quick chaste kiss and stretched again. “Heading home or back to the Ministry?”

“I’m going home for a shower, a kip, something to eat. That order might be different. I’ll be in my office around 8. I have to talk with my Director over what happened.” Hermione tucked her purse under her elbow along with the sealed parcel of the contaminated potion and went for the door. “I’ll leave the office around noon so we can have a little time together.”

Ron and Hemera watched Hermione depart. Hemera shifted back into the bed, wincing. “I think I’m due for another dose of pain potion.”

“It’s only,” Ron looked at his watch, as battered as it was, “four am. I thought you weren’t due to get more ‘til six.”

“Nah. I got dosed at 10 pm. Though Merlin knows how little I’ve slept the last couple of days. I could use a few hours of being conked out on pain meds.”

“When was the last time you slept more than four hours?”

“I dunno, maybe a week ago?”

“When the nurse comes in, ask her if she’d get a Healer to sign off on a dose of Dreamless sleep. Merlin knows when I’m too keyed I take a half dose and I’m out for twelve hours.”

“A half dose?”

“Yeah, I’m sensitive to the ingredients. They work too well for me. Hermione, though, she takes a full dose, rarely but she will, and she might sleep for seven hours. Though if she sleeps that long, she’s sore and sluggish and anxious, like she’s afraid she missed something. But most nights she’ll sleep about five. Her insomnia won’t let her sleep any more.”

“I’m impressed, Weasley. She’s so protective of you, when she’s a world class pain in the ass. But I can also tell that you are so very good for her. You interact like you’ve been married for years, not 2 of them. It’s rare to have a partner willing to have a row with their supervisor.”

“You know her as well as I do, frankly. But after the war, she did change. I like to think that my sister and Luna had a lot to do with it, about how she finally learned to appreciate things and quit knocking sparks over everything. When she left for Hogwarts was completely different than when she came home. I dunno what happened or how it happened, but she changed and it was for the better. Merlin, I sound like a ponce for saying this, to you of all people.”

“I get it. I watched it slowly that year at Hogwarts. I’m not privy to what happened since I wasn’t the Gryffindor Head of House, but I do know that the three of them were thick as thieves that year, along with that nice lad Dean Thomas. Sure I learned that he was having relations with Luna Lovegood – “

“Yeah, that threw all of us for a huge loop. But then they have a particularly special bond, the way Luna talks about it. But they seemed to help one another heal, or at least cope with their experiences in the war.”

“Minerva never did tell me how Luna kept getting into the Gryffindor common room.”

“Luna? I doubt the Fat Lady would keep Luna out since she was part of the group protecting the younger students. Then again she’s pretty smart in her own ways, even if she seems a bit daft in others. She’s sweet in her own wonky ways. I’d not trade her for much of anything. I’m sure she was able to access it whenever she wanted.”

Ron pointed his wand at the door and quickly dropped it. A medi-witch came in with a tray of potions. “It’s time for Auror Jones to receive her medications. I also have some for Auror Potter if he’s awake.”

Ron turned to see Harry and he was back snoring away. “You might be able to get him at 6.”

Ron and Hemera watched the medi-witch document all of the potions she was taking and what doses. She inquired about having a dose of Dreamless sleep and received an approval for it, too. Eventually, everything was completed and Hemera was settled back into her bed after stepped gingerly to the Loo with the medi-witch and Ron’s help.

“I can’t believe you saw my arse. I’ve lived for forty years and today is the first time someone, not my Healer or lover or parent has seen my arse.”

“Well, it did look rather fit,” he cheeked.

Hemera yawned. “The potions seem to be working quickly.”

“I’m on duty ‘til six. If you wake after, I’m sure someone else will be here with you.”

“You know that it’s rubbish that we have an Auror on duty for anyone in the Hospital now. It seems like a waste of manpower, standing guard over sleeping patients.” Hemera drifted off to sleep, leaving Ron smirking.

“Maybe so but if the Director says so, then I do so. But maybe we can start having Apprentice Aurors assigned that task.” Ron went back to his chair and found a magazine to read while whittling away the hours of boredom remaining.

“Your wand is rattling, dear.”

Ron heard the voice in the distance but he couldn’t care.

“Ron, it’s the office. They need you to come in.”

“Sod’em,” He muttered from his pillow.

“Well, yes, that is a normal response but this came from Kingsley himself.”

“What time is it?”

“Noon.”

“Fuck,” He rolled over and found the bedroom entirely too bright, Hermione too awake, and the day way too early for his own good. “This better be bloody well important, waking me after 3 hours of sleep.” He found his black trousers tossed haphazardly on the floor along with a vest and shirt. Deprecations erupted periodically from him, all while Hermione was intentionally not paying attention.

He went to the loo and splashed some water on his face and ran his wet fingers through his hair. He looked like an Inferius left in the bog entirely too long. Sod’em since they woke him after one of the worst days of his professional life.

“I’m going in. I have no idea when I’ll be back.” He stepped to the fireplace and stopped when he saw Hermione come up to him wearing one of his shirts. She had the sleeves rolled up halfway to her elbows and the tail ends covered all of the exciting and important bits. “See if they can give you a few of days off. You look like you need a break.” She stretched up on her toes to give him a kiss and a squeeze of his bum. “That’s your incentive to get back home as soon as possible.”

“Bloody tease,” He growled and got a handful of Floo powder. He barked the destination and was off in a swirl of green flames. Mere moments later he was standing in the lift at the Ministry, giving everyone a shirty glance to anyone who dared look at him. Fortunately it was Saturday and the Ministry wasn’t crowded. The lift quickly dropped him at the proper floor and scurried off, like the lift was running from him. He stalked into the department and saw a few others at their desks, working on other assignments.

The Director’s door was open as he expected. “Better be bollocks and I can get back to sleep,” he said to himself.

Knock knock knock

“Enter,” a gravelly voice barked through the door.

Ron stepped in and saw that the Minister was present, along with the Director and the Chief Mugwump for the Wizengamot, Ewan Purifoy. “Gentlemen,” Ron affirmed everyone in the room before standing at the door.

“I apologize for calling you in but the Minister and the Head Warlock have some questions for you.”

“Do I need my Ministry supplied Solicitor present?”

The Chief Mugwump spoke up. “No, this isn’t a formal inquiry.”

“Sure seems like it,” Ron said under his breath. “How can I help?”

“Auror Weasley,” the elderly warlock motioned for Ron to move to the chair next to the director’s desk. Ron shuddered slightly, recalling how the chair of judgment was in chambers. “I asked because you’re too tall and I can’t keep my neck bent like that too long.”

Ron chuckled. “Yes, sir.” Ron sat down on the edge of the seat and fought his nerves, which tended to include bouncing on his toes and dry-washing his hands.

“Now, will you tell us about the events in the flat at Diagon Alley yesterday? Junior Auror Carrington was related to some other people on the Wizengamot and some are quite upset at what has been said about her in relation to the situation. I’m here to get clarification on this sordid situation.”

“What’s there to be upset about? She kidnapped two people to force her way into being an Auror. She heard a story from another Auror that in the older times, a Junior would have a Senior kidnapped and then mount a rescue. But when the Junior Auror realized that blackmail wouldn’t work, nor the kidnapping scheme, she got desperate to receive the promotion.

“Thing is, had she just kept her head for another fortnight, she would have gotten it. Her actions in blackmailing Pierre Cavendish wouldn’t have gotten out and she’d have gotten what she wanted.”

“Why do you say that, Auror Weasley? I had someone pull her personnel file and she was a model apprentice. There is no documentation of any impropriety on her part, ever.”

Ron sat up a little taller. “The department had some promotions recently and there were additional slots for promotion. She was in the top 4 already and while a bit aggressive in her ambition, she was capable of doing her job without cocking things up. But for some reason which we haven’t found out yet, she was blackmailing Pierre Cavendish to get the promotion and when that didn’t work, because of the change to require two senior Aurors to sign off on it, she tried to blackmail Senior Jones.”

“So it was Miss Carrington who did all of those dreadful things? It wasn’t someone who set her up, or committed these unspeakable crimes to frame her?”

Ron looked at the Chief Mugwump like he’d unscrewed the only bulb in his head. “Yes, sir. Senior Jones is in St. Mungo’s right now with significant injuries from the ordeal, including a broken shoulder from me falling on her to shield her from further injury. Junior Carrington murdered another junior Auror that she kidnapped and two more juniors perished trying to save him. To abscond with the victims, she had to stun more than one Auror and used an Unforgivable Curse to incapacitate me. I dunno sir but the number of witnesses can confirm everything that happened.”

“Was he dead, Auror Weasley, the other junior Auror you mentioned?”

“I can’t say for certain either way, sir. He wasn’t moving but he could have been breathing or seriously injured. No one was able to determine his situation.”

The elderly wizard turned to the Director and Minister Shacklebolt. “Gentlemen, this is most troubling, most troubling indeed. How will the others on the Wizengamot react to knowing that Angus McClaggen’s great-niece was involved in this problem? Secondly, they aren’t going to be happy that half of our upcoming Aurors were killed on a botched rescue mission.”

“She’s related to that idiot?” Ron exclaimed.

All three men turned to Ron and he turned aubergine. “Sorry, sir. My apologies.”

“Do you have something to say, Mr. Weasley?” The elderly wizard’s watery blue eyes bored into him.

Ron gulped. “No, sir. I was out of line. Please continue.” Ron kept his eyes focused over Kingsley’s shoulder to keep from shrinking down from all of the withering gazes.

The men turned back to Director Robards. “Gawain, let me ask this: Who came up with this bloody stupid idea? Everything I’ve read on the rescue mission seems like it’s completely against procedures and risky, proving so with so many fatalities. Was it this idiot?”

Ron gulped but saw Robards shake his head slightly.

“No, it wasn’t.” The Director’s gravelly voice betrayed no emotions. “Auror Jones and I discussed how to find the traitor in the department. If we had asked Weasley or Potter to be the bait, they would have done so. Neither of them has ever shirked their duty as Aurors from the first day as trainees. But Auror Jones mentioned that she thought Carrington was behind the unexplained deaths, because of the blackmail attempt in the fall. She offered to be the bait and trust Weasley and Potter to rescue her since the whole department knows that they are the best at rescues.”

Ron flushed at the enormous compliment the director gave him, but kept quiet and listened.

“Auror Jones knew the risks and once Potter and Weasley were briefed they were on the plan. What we didn’t anticipate was Carrington would kidnap Junior Auror Archer as well. He left a parcel in his desk containing information pertaining to Junior Carrington. He implicated her in various instances of lawbreaking, muggle and magical. There are additional instances of blackmail, going back from the first day she was an apprentice. All instances crossed the line from network to corruption.

“As for the rescue, like every single plan, it only lasts until the mission starts. Everything from there is adapt and overcome. While I did not approve of having two apprentice Aurors maintain a perimeter of the scene, it was what they had, given our limited manpower the last 3 days. The two in question are top of their class and followed procedure to the letter. Every other Auror was out on assignment or on Medical duty. The only ones immediately available were the junior Aurors present with Weasley and Potter.”

“Why is it, Gawain, that anytime there is a problem with this department, I always hear the names Potter and Weasley? I never have a complaint from any of the other Aurors except those two blithering idiots.”

Ron watched Director Robards face grow harder, somehow.

“Well, sir,” frost floated in the room from those two little words, “I trust them to follow procedure until things go sideways and then adapt and overcome, with the least amount of complications. You’ll also note that there was only one case up to now where the department Obliviators had to be called in to settle the situation and that was the case last year.”

“The only one? I didn’t know that.”

“Yes, sir. They are very sensitive to muggle sensibilities and their explanations are easily accepted by the civilian population. Yes, they cock things up from time to time but they are excellent Aurors and a tremendous asset to the department.”

“So you’re saying this incompetent idiot isn’t responsible for the death of four junior Aurors? I was told by a source that it was this stupid sod’s idea.”

“You’re an idiot, Ewan. Weasley knows better than to go above my head and has since I busted him two years ago. Right, Weasley?” Ron nodded emphatically. “So no, sir. If anyone is responsible, I am. I’m the Director and any mission requires my authorization. Potter and Weasley do not go off a mission without approval. Isn’t that right, Senior Auror Weasley?”

“Senior Auror? When the bloody hell did he receive a promotion? Why wasn’t I notified?”

“Sir,” Robards settled back into his chair. “While you are on the Wizengamot and Chief Mugwump, I have discretion on who earns promotions and who gets held back. Potter and Weasley earned their promotions, many times over. You, however, sir, were the one who demanded they be held back from it for the last 2 years, for some bloody reason I can’t fathom. Every single time I requested their promotion, you rejected it. Well, this time, the Minister saw that my request was legitimate and approved it, overriding your veto.”

The old wizard scowled. “Don’t take that tone with me, Gawain. I am still Chief Mugwump and the Wizengamot listens to my counsel. Your voice is small by comparison.”

“They do, but you never explained to my satisfaction why you outright rejected their promotions when others before them received so for doing considerably less.”

The Chief Mugwump turned to stare at Ron. “I don’t trust a traitor, ever. There’s only one of the bunch worth his wand is that Percival. The rest? These Weasleys were at the heart of it. This idiot was part of the coup – “

Ron jumped out of the chair, now towering over the doddering old man. “You’re full of shit, sir. The coup was when Voldemort, using Pius Thicknesse as his puppet, ran the ministry, decimated the wizarding community using that completely mental fuckstrumpet Umbridge to do his dirty work, and had that criminal Yaxley destroy the Auror corps by preventing anyone who wasn’t a pureblood from working in the department. Those who were left committed assassinations on behalf of the Death Eaters – or turned the other way when the same ones did the murders.”

The elderly wizard waved his hand away, like brushing away an annoying biteme. “You still broke the laws, repeatedly, and caused the deaths of –“

“How the bloody fuck did you ever stay in the Ministry?” Ron could barely growl out his words. “Were you one of those cowards who stayed back, kept your head down but supported what the bastards were doing, killing Muggles and Muggleborns with impunity and demanding that all Half-bloods be subservient? You’re a disgrace. No wonder why shit can’t be fixed, not with a – “

“Get this bastard out of here,” The Chief reached for his sleeve to pull his wand. “This arrogant piece of shit – “

Ron had his wand out and pointed at the chief in a heartbeat, while the other two were slower to intervene. “Don’t raise your wand at me, sir.” Ron bit off every word. “I will not allow you to harm me or anyone else in this room, including yourself. I don’t understand why you are so hostile to me but I might ask the Director to -”

“Weasley, enough. Head home and get some sleep.” Director Robards gave a hard look and Ron nodded. “You’re off duty until Thursday when we will hold the debriefing. You aren’t to discuss this case until the debriefing.”

“Yes, sir.” Ron stowed his wand and stalked to the door, slamming it behind him.

“The titmange wankstain,” he muttered to himself. “Bastard kept us back because he despises us for being Muggle supporters. Asshole needs to be kicked out.”

Ron picked up his ruck and made his way to the lifts. He was going to do as the Minister insist, taking off until Thursday. He could use some sleep, a decent meal, and some time with his wife, and if he was lucky, it wouldn’t be in that order. He’s have to deal with the consequences of giving cheek to the Chief Mugwump but that will be for another day.

The lift doors opened and he stepped inside to find his brother Percy inside. “Another bloody Weasley and the only damn honest Weasley of the bunch.” Ron snorted. “Well aren’t you a sight for exhausted eyes.”

Percy looked up from his stack of parchment. “Oh, hi Ron. What brings you in on a Saturday morning?”

“Case problems. Say, do you know the Chief Mugwump Purifoy?”

“I actually do. He’s a remarkable man and a brilliant mind. Why?”

“The bastard accused me being part of the coup and – “

“Oh, yes, that.” Percy’s face fell. “He is addled minded when it comes to those who don’t follow the law, regardless of whether it’s morally right or not. Law and Order is his priority, regardless of who is administering the law or who is harmed.”

“So when Umbridge was running things,” Ron couldn’t finish his thought.

“Yes, well, he supported her then too, because it was codified by fiat upon installation of Thicknesse as the Minister. It didn’t matter that it was by fiat, only that it was codified. Don’t worry, though. He gets bent at anyone who wasn’t part of the law and order of the time. It’s not just you.”

“So he considers you a good ministry drone?”

Percy flushed.

“That’s what I thought. Look, see if you can put a good word in his ear since he holds you in high esteem.”

“Of course I will.” Percy adjusted his glasses. The door lifts opened and the shorter redhead wearing half-moon glasses stepped forward, holding the gate. “He’s wrong, you know, whatever he said. You did what the rest of us couldn’t – keep Harry alive so we could have our way of life. I might be a stupid blithering idiot and blind to my own ambition but I also know how much you helped save all of us.” Percy let the gate go and the interior doors closed. “See you tomorrow.”

Ron waited for a hairbreadth and exhaled the breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Merlin! First the Director and then my brother? What’s going on? I must be going mental from insomnia.”

The lift doors opened again and he stepped out, heading for the Floo and a sandwich, his wife, and his bed – all of which he needed immediately.

“Of course you’re important. Putt your finger out, you twat.”

#Dragon's fic #hpfic #romione #ron weasley #hermione granger #harry j potter #OFC #OMC #Rated T #Ace Safe #Read More line since it's well over 6K in length #After this is updating Probate #and then get down to writing Ch. 2 of Funny Business #And because I suspect a fellow writer has passed away I'm going to write the one he last asked for #And it's befitting once y'all read it #Queue Up for the Dragon

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osmw1 · 6 years

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Poison-Wielding Fugitive Chapter 1

Unngghhh…

As I tap away at the keyboard, programming to the specs of the project, a zombie-like groan escapes from my mouth. How many all-nighters in a row has it been already? They call it a death march, but this is beyond that.

A few days ago, a guy in the next section over jumped in front of a train. The memory is still fresh in my mind. Will it be me tomorrow? Today? The thought keeps crossing my mind. God damn it. And I thought slavery had already been abolished. Yet I’m basically a slave to this company. When we had a moment of silence for the guy who died, the president was even spouting bullshit like how the company wouldn’t be profitable if not for unpaid overtime. If the company is at that level already, unpaid overtime won’t suddenly make it viable! I hope you guys go bankrupt after I find a new job!

Why did I even choose this place… I’m at wit’s end already. My name is Kogure Yukihisa. I’m 26-years old and a productive member of society for over four years. I work as a software engineer at a sweatshop of a company. Well, I knew there were a lot of jobs like this from the start. But still, when I was being interviewed as a university student, every last one of these companies seemed to be as shitty as each other.

According to my friend from school who gave me a referral to this job, everywhere else is just as bad. The world is just full of these fuckin’ sweatshops. Fuck those clients who change everything at the last minute. Fuck the bosses who dump all the work on us grunts and leave on time every day. Fuck the temp workers who sometimes get paid better than us full-timers. Fuck the part-timers too. Fuck everyone! If you’re gonna change the specifications, pay us for the work we’ve already done! Dipshits! You’re all just brainless sheep! With my urge to kill rising, I slam down on the enter key for the last time, wrapping up this project.

Wheeew.

Completely exhausted, I hang my head down in front of my computer and let out a sigh. There are a lot of coworkers on a death march much like me. They all have their own work to do and can’t spare the time looking at other people. Another guy in my department is slumped over his desk, looking like as if he were dead.

“All dooone?” “All dooone.”

There wasn’t any strength left in our words. I gently lift my head to check the clock. Ugh… it’s already five in the morning. I don’t even have time to go home. They take no excuses from grunts like me who have to be here by eight o’clock sharp.

At any rate, even though we’re done with this project, I think we’ll have to be on stand-by for the next one. Just thinking about it makes my blood boil. The next deadline draws nearer. How much fuller are you gonna cram this schedule, you bastards?

Gotta calm down. My body is already tattered. I can’t risk burning out and dropping out. I wish I knew some kind of magic to somehow escape from this hellhole. Otherwise I’m just gonna die here like this.

“…”

There’s only three hours left. Out from under my desk, I take out my sleeping bag and slip into it. How lucky I am to get three hours of sleep. I’ll change and take my dirty clothes to a coin laundry at lunch. Then, some time in the evening, I’ll hit up a bathhouse nearby. I get to do that once every three days or so.

Speaking of which, how long has it been since I’ve gone home? With the time I could spend thinking about that, I use it to sleep instead. With the groans of zombies and clacking of keyboards in the background, I fall asleep like a warrior after an arduous fight. Ah. Lying down feels so good. I could sleep forever.

“I’ve found you, dragon!” “… you lot sure are persistent.”

The foolish human soldiers shouted at me, a dragon flying in the sky. Humans are but easy prey to me. However, I have no such interest in destroying them. If not for them being such an annoyance, like flies in my face, I would not even try to involve myself with them. Yet, these humans fly through the sky, plotting something nefarious. The magical barrier erected is nought but a hindrance to me. … killing them now would be too heavy-handed. I shall scare them away and destroy their barrier.

Truly, humans are pests to wherever they propagate. What do they stand to gain by defeating me? I stop beating my wings to land in front of the leader of these humans. A battle of magic begins.

They put down magic circles after magic circles. Almost all of them are protective spells to prevent human casualties. … what a bothersome way to fight.

However, there will be no casualties in a battle with me. Though troublesome, humans are tenacious. If I were to such carelessly kill one of them, it would be a spark for a war involving all of mankind. Even with multiple copies of me, it would still cost considerable time to fight off all humans. I shall cast my mighty Flame of Megiddo and incinerate their armor.

With a mighty roar, I breathe out a scorching blaze.

I cause the vanguard major damage. The smell of burning flesh permeates the air. With fine control, my flames dealt most of the damage to the ones wearing armor, narrowly avoiding causing deaths amongst the humans.

“Villainous dragon!”

The leader charges to the frontlines. In a set of pure white armor, this warrior—a representative of the humans—brandishes a sword enchanted with anti-magic properties. He cuts through my magic, defending himself. However, seeing his ally behind him taking full brunt of the attack, the warrior shouts in a rageful voice. How does he ignore the fact that he was the one instigating this fight? Not only that, but he has the nerve to victimize himself… This generation is all talk. No matter what, they have to feign being just.

I have a life of my own to live. I wish not to perish. Humans do not seem to understand that fact. In any case, I would prefer to quickly escape from this predicament. If threats will not work, then I shall bring down Heavenly Thunder to smite their sorcerers conjuring the barrier. Know thy place! I am merely holding back on you lot!

“From the moment you were imprisoned within our barricade, you had no chance of victory. Take this!”

The warrior raised his sword towards me. For a dragon like me, a hero’s sword is needed to cut through. Wielding even a sword made of dragon scales would be a fruitless endeavor. However, not only is the warrior’s sword not one of a hero’s, a hero’s sword has to choose to slay a dragon. I am brimming with confidence that I am not the dragon chosen by that sword.

I need not to defend against his attack. I shall take the warrior’s attack straight on. The enemy is the one behind him—the sorcerers. I shall start charging to cast Heavenly Thunder. The warrior’s sword bounces off my scales and sets off sparks.

“It connected!”

What?! The warrior’s sword snaps and something like a glimmering crystal appears from within. Curses—recently, my comrades have fallen to this magic without leaving a mark on the humans.

“This is the end for you, dragon!”

With a howl, I unleash my magic to counter their spell.

… what the hell kind of dream was that?

It wasn’t remotely realistic, but total fantasy. That was great. Way better than dreaming about being shitty at my job. Dreaming makes time seem to pass by slower too. Being half-awake and feeling like you’ve dreamt for a week is even better than a relaxing sleep. Anyway… maybe it’s not such a good thing that my dream was from the dragon’s point of view. I’d like to pretend as if they were all the assholes from work and just let loose on them.

Their spell eroded through my defensive magic and then coursed through my body.

“Don’t underestimate mankind! Now die!” Gyahhh!

I fire off all the power I have left. Seemingly as a response to it, great lines of red run through my body and into the earth.

“W-what?!”

… huh? What the hell? It feels as if I’m floating in the air, but gravity is pulling me back down. Like this is some sort of hallucination. Right, it’s the same feeling like riding a roller coaster. I’m… the dragon and wrapped in light. I soar above to space, red light shoots out from my body, and I drop like a meteor back down to Earth. Whoaaaaaaa?!

“B-Blast! Dragon! I won’t let you escape us! Wherever you go, we shall come hunting you do—"

Before the light fills my vision and I soar into space, I hear my opponent run his mouth. And then… my consciousness completely fades.

Blub… blub. An unnerving noise. But at the same time, this feels really, really nice. Ah. It’s just like as if I’m soaking in an onsen. It feels as great as that. Something making a big splash is coming towards me.

“Are you alright?!”

Mm… I’m not fully awake yet. Rather than half-asleep, it’s more like my fatigue is giving me sleep paralysis. Then I remember the feeling of someone pulling on me.

Who is it? Or rather, what is it? Can’t you let me sleep for a little longer…? What, did I get assigned a new guy at work and he’s trying to wake me up? There are so many noises going on at once. I can’t see anything in the office, but I can at least hear it. Thanks a lot, but this is complete unnecessary. Let me sleep more.

“You’re going to be fine! Cough!”

It sounds like I’ve been dragged out of the bath.

“Hello?! Are you awake?!” “Mm… I don’t wanna wake up…”

I am definitely not going to wake up for you. My body isn’t even able to move anyway, so I sleep! After displaying my willpower, I fall back asleep. It feels like as if the sounds are getting quieter.

Zzz…

Has it been a while? I wake up with a weird feeling and open my eyes.

“Ahh… that was a good nap. Huh?” “Ah.”

I wake up and scan my surroundings. I see an unfamiliar girl looking at me. In her hands is… a mortar and pestle. It seems as if she’s concocting some sort of medicine.

“Have you finally woken up? I’m so glad that you’re alright.”

Ignoring the worried girl, my head’s a complete mess. I mean, I was sleeping under my desk at work. I look down and, as expected, I’m wearing my dress shirt and trousers. Let me take a look at my surroundings.

I’m at the bank of some kind of purplish swamp with a bonfire burning, with ominous-looking trees and a slight haze in the air surrounding us. It feels like some sort of weird place deep in the mountains. Oh. Are we at some sort of campground?

Is this a dream? Or is this some kind of prank? I’ll try asking this girl in front of me to sort things out.

“I was about to feed you an antidote and a potion, but I’m glad you have awakened.”

… huh? What’s with this girl? The words coming out of her mouth sound kinda weird. I understand what she’s saying, but her pronunciation is kinda off? At least I can tell that she’s not speaking Japanese.

“Umm… this is a little sudden, but where are we?”

Am I speaking in some other language too? Maybe I’m just imagining it.

“… is your memory a little hazy?”

The girl speaks in a worried tone. How should I explain? Do I speak frankly? Or is this some kind of prank? Or perhaps even that I’m still dreaming. They say if you pinch your cheek while you’re dreaming, it’d still hurt like normal, so you wouldn’t be able to tell from that. To be honest, I’ve had dreams like that before too.

“Well, it’s a mess in my head all of a sudden…” “Oh, that’s right, isn’t it? I mean, after all, you did fall in a poisonous swamp… and you were breathing in that toxic gas too, so it really isn’t all that strange.”

A poisonous swamp? Ah, you mean swamps that have poisonous gasses bubbling through? Are there still places like that in Japan? Shit, don’t tell me that this fuckin’ company didn’t want to pay me, so they went and got their hands dirty.

Considering how easy it would be, they’ve done quite the sloppy job. For this cutie to have found me and your plans to come to nothing… Hmm? Aren’t her facial features really well-defined for a Japanese girl? Her eyes aren’t black either… it’s some sort of purplish-blue, you could say. No, that’s not it, but her whole appearance isn’t very Japanese-like.

Her dress isn’t fully Western, but it’s all frilly and cute. And around her neck is a scarf. Very stylish. Mm. This has got to be some high-level cosplay. And her age… a high school student perhaps? Oof, I’ve caught glimpses of a schoolgirl in cosplay. Nice. It looks fantastic on her.

Seems like she was also carrying a large basket, the one placed down nearby. While I eye her up and down, the girl places a hand on her chest and smiles.

“I believe we have yet to introduce ourselves. My name is Arleaf. I’m an apothecary.”

Arleaf, eh? She doesn’t seem like your average herbalist though.

“My name’s Kogure, Yukihisa…” “Mr. Cohgray, is it?”

Why are you pronouncing my name so weirdly? But Cohgray, huh…? Kinda fantasy sounding. Still kinda irks me though.

previously: /ch001/ /next/ (full list of translated chapters) (discussion thread) (support Average Translations)

#Poison-Wielding Fugitive #PWF #Average Translations #osm #毒使いの逃亡者

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iloveverything9-blog · 6 years

Text

Fanfiction 3 Dangerous fascination

Chapter 12: Sacrifice

Three fairies appear out of nowhere in front of the young adults, they jump at seeing them.

"But... Who are you?" Marlee asks while Marco gets into battle position.

"Don't be afraid. We do not want you any harm. We are the good fairies: Flora, Fauna and Merryweather. We came here to free Prince Phillip, we need him to wake up our dear Rose... Uh, I mean Aurora. And you? What are you doing here? This place is dangerous." The red fairy asks.

"Fairies? With everything we've seen so far, I would not be surprised." Marco said in an almost amused tone.

"In fact. We came here to save our friend Sarah from Maleficent, but... I don't know that this horrible woman did it to her, but Sarah is no longer the same..." Marlee said with sadness.

"Oh dear... I'm sorry for you, child. And for your friend too." Fauna said with compassion.

"Excuse me, ladies? Can we talk about that later? We have a prince to liberate." Marco said politely before the three fairies reduce their sizes with their magic and flew into the cell.

“Shhh. No time to explain.”

Flora and Fauna worked on Phillip’s shackles as Merryweather worked on the lock. Once the last shackle came off, Phillip rubbed his wrist and began to walk towards the door.

“Wait, Prince Phillip. The road to true love may be bared by still many more dangers, which you alone will have to face. So, arm thyself with this enchanted shield of virtue.”

Flora waved her wand and a shield appeared in Phillip’s left hand.

"And this mighty sword of truth.”

The sword appeared in the prince’s right hand.

"For these weapons of righteousness will triumph over evil. Now come. We must hurry.”

The fairies, Phillip, Marco and Marlee ran out of the cell and were greeted by Diablo, Maleficent's raven who cawed at them and flew off to get the goons.

The fairies, Phillip and the young adults began to run up a stairway and almost ran into the goons.

Phillip, Marlee and Marco turned around as the fairies shrunk themselves again and they went to a window.

The prince swung his sword at the goons for a while before jumping out the window and onto a ledge.

They jumped off it and sked on the rocks.

Diablo squawked at the goons, who threw boulders at Phillip and the young adults.

"Watch out!” Flora waved her wand and the boulders changed into bubbles.

“Thanks for that, Flora.” Marco smiled.

“Your welcome.” Flora smiled back.

They carried on and the goons shot arrows at them.

Flora shot a beam of magic at the arrows and turned them into flowers.

Merryweather flew to Samson and freed him from his shackle.

Phillip got onto the horse and began to ride away as Marco turns around and watches the highest tower of the castle.

"Sarah must be inside!" He thinks.

He is about to run towards the tower but someone holds him by the arm.

It's Marlee.

"What are you doing?!"

"I'll go get Sarah! I must save her!"

"Marco... You can't do anything for her... it's too late..." Marlee is sobbing.

"You're wrong, Marlee. There is a way to save her from this witch."

"Stop your bullshit, Marco, look at the truth, Sarah has chosen her side..."

Marco and Marlee look at each other in silence for a few seconds.

Is it really too late to save Sarah? Is she never a victim of a spell? If she really chooses her side?

"Sorry, Marlee..." Marco frees himself from Marlee's grip without difficulty, turns around and heads for the tower where Sarah may be inside.

"MARCO! NO!!!" She screams.

The goons began to pour boiling oil down at Phillip and Samson but Flora waved her wand again and changed the oil into a rainbow.

Diablo flew straight towards Maleficent’s room to try to warn her about the escaping Prince.

Merryweather stopped flying and glared at the raven before she began to chase it.

She shot magic at it, trying to get it to cease the racket, but she missed three times and didn’t give up.

She chased the squawking raven around Maleficent’s room until she hid and when the raven showed up, turned him to stone with a wave of her wand. She nodded proudly and flew to rejoin the others.

Maleficent came out of her tower with an angry look on her face.

“Silence!” She shouted.

“You! Tell those fools to… No.”

Maleficent gasped as she saw the prince escaping.

“NO!”

The goons shot arrows after Phillip and one lowered the gate, but the prince made it through.

His eyes widened as the drawbridge was being brought up.

“Watch out, Phillip!” Fauna cried as she and her sisters waved their wands, creating a rainbow bridge and the prince made it to the other side.

Sarah came out of the tower.

"What is happening?" She says yawning.

She looks up and sees Maleficent walked to her top tower and looked down at them.

The prince kept riding on as the fairies flew next to him.

“Hurry. Hurry, Phillip!” Flora cried.

The evil fairy raised her staff in the air and shot a lightning bolt at Phillip.

It struck the rock over the path and Phillip’s shield flew up to protect him from the falling rocks.

Maleficent shot another lightning bolt at the prince.

It broke the path in two and Samson made it over to the other side with one jump.

Maleficent raised her staff into the air again and started to chant a spell.

“A forest of thorns shall be his tomb. Borne through the skies on a fog of doom! Now go with a curse and serve me well. Around Stefan’s castle, cast my spell!” She chanted, directing the spell over towards Stefan's castle.

A black cloud circled the castle and bolts of lightning struck the ground, causing long, sharp, black thorn bushes to grow from the ground until it blocked the prince’s path to the castle.

Phillip pulled on Samson’s reigns and Maleficent laughed evilly.

Phillip use his sword to cut through the thorns.

The prince finally was close to the castle entrance after working at the thorns for a few minutes.

He rode forward and Maleficent surrounded herself with fire.

"NO! It cannot be!” She yelled.

Maleficent teleported herself before the prince and blocked his path to the castle.

“Now shall you deal with me, O prince. And all the powers of hell!” The evil fairy shouted.

Maleficent suddenly erupted into a pillar of flame that shot into the night sky. Her laughter echoed throughout the land as she transformed into a dragon.

Phillip and the fairies were stunned to see her in this form.

Maleficent’s face shot out of the smoke after her transformation was complete and she flexed her wings and flicked out a forked tongue.

Marco gets closer to Sarah who watches him shock. She did not expect to see him here.

"Marco?!"

"I came to save you, Sarah! Now come with me, and leave this horrible place, okay?" He said, taking Sarah's arm in a friendly manner, but the latter pushes him away.

"Let go of me! My place is here, next to Mistress Maleficent! I will not leave here!" She responds aggressively.

Marco does not take his eyes off Sarah, he is convinced that she is a victim of a spell launched by Maleficent.

"You don't really think so, I know, it's the witch who cast you a spell, but I'll fix it, you'll be yourself again, I'm sure."

He looks at Sarah with tears in his eyes.

In fact, for Marco, he has always considered Sarah much more than a friend.

He realizes he loves her.

"Sarah... I love you." He murmurs.

He closes his eyes, approaches his lips to Sarah's and kisses her.

Without the young man realizing it, Sarah takes a dagger out of her pocket and immediately pierces his heart.

Blood comes out of his mouth as well as from his chest, tears run down his cheeks.

The last thing he could hear before he died is the last words Sarah whispers in his ear.

"Goodbye, Marco..." She pushes Marco and he falls from the tower.

Marlee sees with horror the body of her friend fallen from the tower and crashed to the ground.

"MARCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

#disney #sleeping beauty #maleficent #flora #fauna #merryweather #prince phillip #princess aurora

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quinntessentiallyglee · 3 years

Note

What's everyone's plan for the summer?

Hannah: All over suntan.

Maze: Hunt Humans.

Aurora: What?

Maze: Not like hunt hunt--even though that would be way more fun--I meant bounty hunt.

Aurora: Oh... okay.

Hannah: No one's going to ask about my plans?

Everyone but Hannah/Aurora: No!

Aurora: I already know about them. Thanks for the invite by the way.

Hannah: You're welcome.

Mal: Invite? What invite? Please tell me you're not joining the Jello addict over there for nude sunbathing.

Aurora: I'm not-

Hannah: Awww!

Aurora: -but only because Tamsin and I have already made plans.

Mal: Do these plans involve me?

Aurora: Maybe.

Mal: Well too bad for you two, I'm going back to Auradon. I have to check in on my Dad, make sure he's not causing any trouble.

Aurora: We know.

Mal: How could you know?

Aurora: Because we're triplets.

Mal: We are not triplets, we just look alike. I'm half dragon.

Maze: Which is awesome.

Hannah: Does Auradon have any nude be-

Mal: No!

Selina: Does it have any treasure vaults?

Mal: ... Why?

Selina: My summer plan was to brush up on my skill set; I've barely stolen a thing since I moved in.

Santana: Barely? So you have stolen some things?

Selina: Why, are you missing anything? I could help you find it for the right price.

Santana: Because you stole it.

Rae: I could help find it for nothing. Werewolf sense.

Tamsin: And have this turn into a cat and dog fight, no thank you. I'm sure that Selina will be more than happy to return anything she might have borrowed without permission because that's what a good roommate does.

Selina: You really are adorable, you know that. And far too innocent if you believe any of what you just said.

Tamsin: *gives Selina the full puppy dog eyes*

Selina: Stop that. It won't work. I don't even like dogs.

Rae: Hey!

Aurora: *joins Tamsin in giving Selina puppy dog eyes *

Selina. I said stop it. I am a- a... Dammit, Fine. If you promise to stop I'll give back some of-

Tamsin: All of.

Selina: *grumbles* ...all of what I 'borrowed'.

Aurora: Good. Rae can help you carry all of it. And as an added bonus, you two get some twin time together.

Selina: *stalking out of the room* We're not twins!

Rae: *following her out of the room* But can you imagine if we were? A catwoman and a werewolf as twin sisters? Sounds like something out of a comic book.

Rebecca: No comic book I've ever read.

Hannah: You read comics?

Rebecca: Yeah. I mean, not as much as I used to, mostly just Harley Quinn and some Deadpool now and then, but yeah. You too?

Hannah: No.

Rebecca: So why- *shakes head* never mind. My plan for summer is to-

Tamsin/Aurora: Spend time with your twin?

Rebecca: I still don't see it. We're nothing alike.

Mal: Don't bother. They're impossible when it comes to this twins stuff.

Tamsin: Says our-

Aurora: -Triplet.

Mal: Stop that! I'm going to pack. And no, you can't come with me. The last thing I need is everyone freaking out because there's three of me wandering around.

Tamsin/Aurora: *follow Mal out of the room*

Tamsin: So you admit that-

Aurora: -We look alike?

Mal: Don't make me break out the magic.

Rachel: My plans are the same as always, be brilliant at everything I do, and that includes spending time with my girlfriends.

Santana: relationships aren't a competition, Rach.

Rachel: Says the one in fourth place.

Santana: Fourth- Since when the fuck am I in fourth place?

Rachel: Since Quinn and Dani took second and third.

Santana: This is bullshit!

Aubrey: This is why I'm still single.

Lucas: So you chose to be single?

Aubrey: Have you seen me? You think I couldn't find someone if I wanted to?

Lucas: I mean, there's more to a relationships than just looks, but point taken.

Dani: *to Rachel* We're going to talk about your ranking system later, but first, my summer plans are to maybe get a thread or two going, get out there and have some fun.

Lucas: Ohh, I like that plan. Can I get in on that plan?

Dani: Um, sure? Not with me, unless you've got some idea for how that would work, but in general, I don't see why all of us can't get out there and get some threads going.

Lennox: That's very meta of you.

Dani: Thanks... I think.

Lucas: *looks between Aubrey and Lennox* what about you two?

Lennox: I don't share my plans.

Lucas: ... cool. *turns to Aubrey* And you?

Hannah: You could always join me.

Aubrey: Are you talking to me or Lennox?

Hannah: Por que no los dos?

Lennox: Who let her look at memes again? We talked about this, people!

Aubrey: As 'tempting' as that invite is, I think I'm going to spend my time working on my slight of hand. Like Selina, I've let my skills dull since coming here.

Hannah: So your not going back to Asgard?

Lennox: Now that's meta.

Melody: Maybe a little too meta.

Hannah: Mel, do you want t-

Melody: No thank you, Hannah. I thought I might head home, visit my family for a bit, then like Dani, maybe try to get a little action going.

Hannah: We can find plenty of action while we-

Lennox: *smacks the back of Hannah's head*

Hannah: Hey! Mel didn't even ask you that time.

Lucas: This whole thing is starting to get a little too Meta.

Jonathan: Right? Anyway, I was planning on spending some of my summer catching up on some shows. I've heard really good things about the Marvel ones, and I want to catch up before the new Spiderman movie comes out.

Lennox/Melody/Aubrey/Lucas: Meta!

Jonathan: Is that a new villain for Spiderman? I've seen a lot of rumours about who's going to be in the movie, but that's a new one for me.

Gwyn: Moving on... I'm with Melody; quick trip back home to check in on everyone, then back here to work on some threads.

Jade: If the past few days are anything to go by, my summers going to be spent answering questions about Vega.

Tamsin/Aurora: *from the direction of Mal's room* JORI!

Mal: Beware, Foreswear, I- omph!

Jonathan: Should we check on her?

Lucas: Probably not.

Hannah: Yeah, who'd want to watch triplets wrestling?

...

Hannah: Excuse me. *leaves the room*

Melody: Ha- No, getting turned into a toad is going to be a good learning experience for her.

Quinn: So long as she's still wearing clothes when she turns back, I agree. *turns to Rachel* And we will be talking about your rating system.

Santana: Thank you!

Dani: Why didn't I get a thank you when I said that?

Santana: Because there's twenty-one of us who need to answer this question and the Mun needed to keep things going?

Lennox/Melody/Aubrey/Lucas/Gwyn: Meta!

Angela: ... Yeah, whatever my plans were, they now start of with me getting a drink.

Raven: I have some mead in my room.

Aubrey: Can I join you? It's been a while since I had mead.

Lennox/Melody/Aubrey/Lucas/Gwyn/Rachel/Quinn/Santana/Dani: Meta!

Rachel: Wait, Quinn never told us what she's doing for summer?

Santana: *points to herself, dani, and Rachel* U-

Rachel/Dani/Quinn: No!

Quinn: ... Well, a little bit, but I think I'm with Dani; get out there and get some threads going, new and old.

Jonathan: Meta!

...

Jonathan: Wait, we're not doing that anymore?

0 notes

wizardsnwookies · 6 years

Text

Campaign Diary- TOD110817

The gathering hall was bustling with people during the brief recess and giving their legs a stretch meant a constant weaving through the crowds. Striding next to him, Skydancer noticed a tension in Lotus’s posture, a taught lock of his jaw, and an overall sense of brooding that was once reserved only for Barton.

“We should have a chat with Lord Neverember, make sure he knows who he’s in bed with, figuratively if not literally.”

“I am content with the fact that she has seen me, and that she is aware that I have seen her.” Lotus stared forward as he spoke, his response sharp as a knife. “Besides, it could cause dissent and we have only now gotten a sort of unity among the leaders.”

“Exactly my point. She could be poisoning her mind, it’s a risk we can’t take too lightly.”

“Who’s to say he doesn’t know full well who she is?” The two had almost missed Osborne walking between them, once again he managed to get lost due to his stature.

“Even more of a reason to confront him, like you said,” Skydancer turned to Lotus. “We only just now got everyone to play nice with each other, we can’t have someone looking to ruin that.”

“So we keep an eye on them. What’s the good in confronting them without anything but suspicions?” Osborne nodded towards the city center through the hall doors, opened to allow the heat of so many bodies to filter out into the autumn air. “This city is in chaos. Perfect time to setup a new fighting ring, especially with so many refugees around. Who’s going to miss a few strays? I say we give them a couple of shadows and see what comes up.”

“I’m not so sure it’s that easy.” Skydancer frowned.

“Isn’t it? With so many new people around a tail would be difficult to spot, especially one magically hidden.” Osborne shrugged the folds of his cloak. “Or if you’re really that paranoid, there’s the old fashioned way and go through the gossip grape vine.”

Skydancer looked to Lotus. “He’s got a point.”

Lotus opened his mouth to answer but was cut short by a cry escaping from a large gathering of people down the corridor. They were all clustered together forming a tight ring that was impossible to see through. Osborne, however, had the unique line of sight to see through a forest of legs just enough to catch a glimpse of what appeared to be a body sprawled on the cobblestone.

The party forced their way past the onlookers and on the other side found a clearing made for a duel. On one side of the circular opening a finely dressed elf turned away from the body on the ground, pulling out a cloth to clean a fencing sword of blood.

Dain knelt before the body and gave it a cursory examination. He had been slain in the instant the blade entered his side, just between the ribs. As it skewered his body, it punctured both lungs and his heart before exiting out his shoulder. “I can fix him. Does anyone have a diamond worth 10,000 gold?”

“What happened here?” Skydancer ignored the cleric and approached the elf noble, his face revealed no concern, no guilt.

“It was a fair duel. They all can attest to it.”

Skydancer turned to reluctant faces who turned to each other before nodding. She remained unconvinced.

“This man insulted my family, my honor, my person. Naturally, I demanded a reprieve, that was all. He was the one that struck first. He decided that steel was best to resolve the situation. He chose poorly.” The elf accentuated his point by sliding his foil back into place on his hip.

“You are all fools.” Lotus shook his head in disgust.

“Seriously. You aren’t content with the dragon cult killing you, you have to come up with petty bullshit to kill yourselves over?” Osborne folded his arms across his chest.

He and Lotus didn’t have to look at each other to acknowledge their shared sentiments. Granted they had different reasons, but both shared a disdain for the elite and were not shy in expressing it. Their admonishment arose no response from the elf, although other nobles in the crowd offered looks of disdain and dismissal their way.

“This is my fifth duel in these many days. Is seek them not. These are troubled times indeed, and those of weaker characters crumble under the pressure.”

Skydancer and Osborne shared a look. Five duels? Even considering the current climate of the city, that was more than a little strange. Then there was the unavoidable observation that while the victor was an elf, the corpse was that of a human. An almost imperceptible nod was all either of them needed to silently agree that this bore further investigation.

“Ahh, Revenging Lilly, so good to see you again.” Skydancer looked up to see the flowing black dress of Lady Nightshade striding across the grounds, almost stepping over the corpse to approach the party and seeming to ignore the growing presence of the city watch come to restore order. “Come, walk with me. You surly do remember me?”

Nightshade held out an elbow, clearly expecting Lotus to take it, but withdrew it before catching frostbite. Skydancer let her hand drop to her hilt. She wasn’t so sure Lotus wouldn’t try anything with the city guard around.

“Goodness, it is surely good to see you are...”

“Alive?”

“Yes, that is one way of putting it.” Nightshade’s smile did not falter. She was a noble born and bred. And with that breeding came the uncanny ability to dismiss any insult as if it were nothing more than pleasant conversational barbs. “You simply must introduce me to your friends.”

“We’re the ones saving your pampered ass from the cult right now.” Skydancer forced her way between Nightshade and Lotus, hoping an additional obstacle would prevent any rash decisions.

“Yes, and most appreciated that is.” Nightshade turned her attention immediately back to Lotus, ignoring Skydancer as if she was nothing but space between them. “How have you been all these years? And how did you ever get to be in such esteemed company as the Waterdeep Council?”

“Ok, listen missy.” Skydancer had had enough. She broke her even stride and stepped out in front of Nightshade, stopping her dead in her tracks. “What are you doing? Are you just here to intimidate him? Threaten him? Because even if he didn’t have us behind him, which I assure you he does...” Tossing her head back towards the rest of the group, Skydancer was proud to see unanimous nods of agreement. “I know him well enough to say you would not come out the better in that contest.”

“Well, I ne-” Feigned noble indignity and fluster shielded any genuine reaction Lady Nightshade may have had. “I assure you it is nothing of the sort. I will grant you that there were indeed dark times in our past. I made some poor investments based on equally poor council from a friend. It all ended in a most appalling business I’m sure I don’t have to tell you. However, I am doing my best to make amends.”

“You’re lying.” A quiet voice sounded from behind her, and for a brief moment the veil was lifted. Anger flashed in her eyes and Lady Nightshade turned to see simple Dain looking quire sure of himself. “You still own slaves.”

She took a deep breath through her nostrils and expelled it with a dropping of her shoulders. Her chin lifted up ever so slightly sot that her eyes may be cast down towards the dwarf. “I assure you, I am no longer in the possession of slaves. Now, if you excuse me, it seems the company here has become quite disagreeable to me.”

Lotus watched as her shoes echoed against the cobblestones, her back slowly disappearing down the hall before he called out. “How’s my old master?”

She turned and offered a forced smile. “That remains to be seen.”

---

“You OK?” Skydancer sat down next to Lotus in the council chamber. The meeting with Lady Nightshade was almost half an hour ago and he was still wound pretty tight.

“I almost challenged her.”

Skydancer paused for a moment, and then recognition hit. “She would have chosen a champion.”

“One of her slaves.”

“There are better ways to accomplish what you’re after.” Osborne chimed in, the whole thing made him pretty nervous. He could see this ending many different ways. None of them good.

“The slave ring we encountered in the Underdark...”

“I remember. We don’t know for sure that’s hers.”

Lotus offered only a look of incredulity.

“But it’s something we can definitely look into. I’m not saying we forget about it.” Osborne felt on the defensive, he wasn’t sure why. If this Lady Nightshade was taking advantage of the situation to make money off the back of slaves, he was all for taking her down. Still, he wasn’t too keen to return to the Underdark. Too many black memories.

“When then?”

“Well, right now we have the bigger picture to think about. Let’s see where the council sends us. If they send us anywhere. If not, then we’ll investigate undistracted.”

“...you has until this is over, then I’m clearing the board.”

With that the council returned to session, to of all things, a report from Lord Neverember. The news he brought from the North was very much the same as had been reported all over the coast. Refugees forced towards their borders. Ever escalating attacks by the cult. But something new as well.

“It pains me to say that, my city may harbor dissenters, traitors. There have been suspicions of those with wealth, funneling funds towards the cult, using my city as a conduit. I pray this proves to be paranoid rumors, but until I can prove otherwise it is safe to say it bares investigation.

“There have also been sightings of the ever elusive flying castle of the Storm Giants. Unfortunately it seems to evade us whenever out scouts draw near, so the information I have to offer the council is regrettably little, last seen over the crags.”

“I will handle my brethren.” Harshnag the bold strode forward from his place within one of the entry ways to the meeting room. He was so large no seat would fit him. “Dealing with frilly nobles does not agree with me, much as dealing with a stronghold of Storm Giants agree with most of you.” His laughter was deep and throaty and sounded like thunder bouncing against the walls.

And so the council was adjourned without any additional discussion. The party stood to leave with Osborne standing on his chair to adress the others.

“This may be a good opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.” He nodded to Lotus. “The elite of Neverwinter need to be investigated, who’s to say we can’t probe a little deeper while we’re at it. If they’re not funneling gold to the cult, they might be helping fund the Slave Ring with Lady Prissypants wispering dark nothings into their ear.”

“Shrewd thinking.” Lotus agreed. He turned to Skydancer. “If we do this, I don’t want her left here with the council unobserved.”

“You really think she’d try something against the council?” Skydancer blinked, she understood Lotus’s hatred towards the woman, however she didn’t quite feel she was a particular threat.

“I don’t know, but I don’t want to risk it.”

“Fair enough.” Skydancer relented. “We’ll talk with Lady Larrel then”

---

Lady Larrel sat in her chair in the small antechamber and though over the party’s concerns. She had come to know Lady Nightshade by reputation and only through her association with Lord Neverember. She was a noble, and a confident of the Lord, that was as far as she knew. She had no idea what to think of the claims laid against her until Lotus spoke once again.

“Have you heard of someone by the name of Ashbey?”

“Ah, unfortunately yes.” Her lips curled as if her tea had grown sour in her throat. “I know that worm well.”

“He and Lady Nightshade were in the same business. He was my master.” Lotus spat out the word as if it were a cancer. “He was a tyrant towards his people, and he didn’t seem to like it when I started teaching the farmers how to defend themselves.”

“Hmmm, I’m sad to say that sounds very much like the man I know.” Lady Larrel closed her eyes and sighed, her position carried the knowledge of many distasteful truths with it. Fortunately, it also granted her the power to do something about it. “Very well. I will keep her under close watch.”

“It might be prudent to be cautious regarding Lord Neverember as well. If he’s associating with people like her, he might not be able to be trusted.” Skydancer spoke from her position by the door, polishing her sword. This was her first time speaking up during the meeting. This was Lotus’s business, and she would rather not speak for him. However she couldn’t help voicing her concerns either.

“I hope it will not be necessary, but I will be cautious. These are dark times, and although I may not like it, it would be foolish to treat old associates with the blind trust of peace time.” Lady Larrel looked down at her tea. Somehow in the same council meeting, they had both gained and lost allies. It was difficult to see how things would end.

---

“Yeah, they’ve been cropping up all over the city I’m afraid.” The City Watch Captain set aside the paperwork he had finished when the group walked into his office. He placed the parchment on the window sill in the sunlight so the ink might dry faster. “Everyone’s on edge, poor and rich folk alike. Can’t say I’m happy about it, but I’m not sure what to do about it.”

Skydancer and Osborne sat in the two chairs facing the Captain’s desk, the rest of the party stood outside the door as the tiny room was just barely large enough to fit the furniture, let alone several people.

“Let me ask you, are you finding that many of these duels involve different races?” Osborne broached the subject delicately. He never was comfortable in the presence of figures of law, especially when he was about to accuse the influential class of conspiracy.

“ ‘Course. Waterdeep is a melting pot of races, bound to happen.”

“How about elves specifically?” Skydancer leaned forward, putting her arms on her knees while the large man in front of her rubbed the chin hidden under red stubble.

“Come to think of it, yeah. All of them in fact.” The captain sat back down in his chair and reached behind his desk for a leather folder bound with twine. Unbinding it he sifted through the papers within and nodding to himself. “Yeah, ever last one of them we have on report. You think there’s something to this?”

“Tell me Captain, have you heard of the Eldrith Veluthera?”

#Tyranny of Dragons #Dungeons and Dragons #campaign diary #role playing games

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buffylikescoke · 7 years

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer 11#3

I have to be there. To look out for them...fight for them. Make sure everyone knows they're protected. ~ Willow Rosenberg

“A House Divided” is awesome! The artwork is beautiful, the writing, though not without some truly baffling issues, interesting! I recommend it!

After a short scene of an arrest that references some dark and shameful moments of American history, the issue opens with Buffy and Giles buying forged documents and a government database hack from a rather shady individual protected by a four armed demon bodyguard ( and by the way, this line? You think extra hands are an advantage. I see one more thing to break. This is perfection! ) Because as it's usual in such situations, money can buy freedom. But why does Giles need forged documents anyway? Obviously, because he's going to get a mini-series but in story? We've been over this. Magicwise, you'll be a small fish in a big pond...of demon piranhas. And you're appetizer-sized, says Buffy. Seriously? It would've been more convincing if Giles didn't magically float the forger after a shake down attempt or, you know, held his own in a fight against Storm Dragon, Soul Glutton, Mistress, Maloker, Archaues, D'Hoffryn...what the fuck? Not even, Giles, I need you on the outside or something like that? That is some incredibly lame writing!

What about the rest of the gang? Well, Xander and Dawn are certified as normal humans and...excuse me, doesn't Dawn have a history of trampling through metropolises and also opening portals to hells? I understand the reasoning, shorter season - less characters, but still, are you kidding me? This is bullshit, Dawn should be, like, the first on Uncle Sam’s whatever list. Spike gets his S.F.P.D. credentials revoked and is ordered to turn himself to the safe zone. Remember this as this is important! This is exactly what's going to happen to Jordan, her SS-layer sonderkommando and every supernatural being foolish enough to trust the government. Sooner or later they'll end up in the same ghetto they are sending occult undesirables to and I don't have to tell you what its inhabitants will do to them when that happens, do I? Giles and Buffy suggest that Spike should, like Andrew, flee the US. Spike declines because it's supposedly difficult and he can't travel during the day, also, he doesn't want to leave Buffy and fleeing with her would be almost impossible because law enforcement know Buffy very well. Oh for goodness' sake, if only those two had a friend who can teleport over long distances, fly with another person hanging from her back, possibly while invisible and even, when needed to evade the government, turn people into birds. Failure! Speaking of which - Willow is also send to the safe zone but, thing is, she doesn't mind, she actually wants to be there to protect the other Wicca followers. Yeah, this is truly awesome and, more importantly, makes sense!

As the scoobies think about their options Jordan shows up to apprehend Spike and Willow. A confrontation between the slayers ensues - I mean, obviously, fresh slayer shows up, Buffy beats the crap out of her, what else is new? That said, the fight looks fantastic! It's possibly the best fight scene Ms Isaacs has graced us with so far! It's brutal, it's cinematic and I love Buffy's socks! The dialog, despite being a display of immaturity on both sides, is interesting as well. What we get here is a rather blatant criticism of Buffy. Of course, it's not entirely fair criticism as it's detached from context we're all aware of but there is a kernel of truth to what Jordan says. Go back to waitressing, she says, seems to be the only career that sticks for you, which echoes my own sentiment regarding Buffy's lack of ambition and you got weak, developed a vampire fetish because, for real, Buffy does have vampire fetish. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I mean, I have fetishes too, numerous even, like, say, redheads and collarbones and...socks. To be honest, Buffy's furious reaction worries me. There's nothing to be ashamed of, what Buffy should do is just say, well, yeah, your point? Instead she goes ballistic and also fires back verbally, calling Jordan and amateur and a bully. This is very interesting. Let's go back to the opening scene with the inter-species couple. The way Jordan, a mercenary, invokes the supernatural crisis act is very reminiscent of how Buffy, another mercenary, invokes the interdimentional trade regulations in issue #27 of the previous season. Same shit, different asshole so to speak. I think that this isn't the only similarity those two share, I'd say that Jordan as of now is not unlike Buffy as we saw her in "The Wish" actually. Anyway, defeated Jordan calls in reinforcement and a full blown battle ensues. Spike stops it by surrendering. Wimpire! No, I mean, it's the responsible thing to do, I can’t argue that, although on the other hand, I wouldn't mind seeing the pigs smeared all over the pavement. Buffy surrenders as well but under the condition that she can leave to the safe zone with Spike. She takes the scythe with her ( 'cause 2nd amendment ) which might prove to be rather crucial in the future. Buffy’s absolutely deadly with her cool ax thing but Willow can quite literally change the world with that thing in her hands. Buffy's decision isn't just about Spike though, this is wrong, she says in a statement similar to Willow's, and I'm not gonna run, or hide, or avoid it. I'm going to stand up and fight it. And protect those who can't. Buffy Summers, I love you! Buffy, Willow and Spike then pack, say goodbye and leave to the zone. An interesting little scene takes place on the bus. One of the slayers tells Spike to take a sit in the back of the vehicle. Despite Spike's presumption this isn't another reference to American history, it's simply where the windows are tinted. Ha! The issue ends with the view of the safe zone and I might be wrong but to me it looks like the Sunnydale crater covered with a dome to blot out the sun.

So yeah...I didn't like some of the plot contrivances but other than that, this is a pretty sweet issue! Go, consume, entertain yourself!

#buffy comics #buffy season 11 #buffy the vampire slayer #btvs

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authenticaussie · 7 years

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Coffeshop au vs Fake marriage au vs Lady and Knight au vs Hogwarts au

aWWW man haha a big 4v4 going on,,,Damnnn. Okay okay so I love fake marriage aus man, just fake dating and anything is so good because of all of the pinning oh man it’s perfect. But then again!!! Anything that comes of a Lady & Knight au is just….perfect. All the time. Because you can have starts-off-as-betrayal-turns-into-utter-loyalty, or you can just have starts as loyalty and adventures and dragons and magic and!!! Oh boy just so cool so cool

Lady & Knight AU Headcanons:

For a betrayal au!!! Nam/Tash would be so good because you have royal lady Nami who’s adopted by Arlong and raised to be a selling point, basically, she always knew she was just going to get married off once she stopped being useful, so she decides to sell the whole kingdom out.

Except when Arlong sends her capital she gets assigned this super-fucking-cute personal guard and she’s like shit I’m too gay for this. And Tashigi is at first a bit standoffish ‘cause she’s like that with everyone but just??? They end up being friends??? And Nami’s plan to betray the kingdom and go back to her rightful home starts falling to the wayside because she doesn’t want to betray Tashigi??

And Tashigi loves this place, loves the kingdom and capital and every person in it, and always helps out in town whenever Nami decides she wants to go out and just.

God kill me okay I am 100% here for Nami seeing cruelty in everyone but Tashigi is just so-

Good. So heroic and kind and strong and Nami’s always been weak for loyalty ‘cause she’s never had it

Nami ends up confessing her plans to Tashigi but then saying she knew how to fix it and didn’t want to go through with it and Tashigi kiiiind of doesn’t believe her??? And she turns standoffish again and so cold, but she promises not to tell anyone, and Nami’s like fuck I gotta get her trust back i miss her so much—

And so Nami ends up twisting her plans and making it look like Arlong was blackmailing her and that it was his plans, ‘cause he wasn’t popular at court, and basically does this super clever coup and takes over his whole enterouge and deposing him as duke (or whatever tf he would be ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

And arlong finds out that she betrayed him and so sends people to kill her but then Tashigi busts in and totally does awesome sword fighting and saves her life and they talk it over and be honest and just. Happily ever after ;u;

And for the loyal af I’m gonna do Robin and Koala ‘cause it’s just so flippin’ cute

There was a coup when Robin was younger and the whole royal family was murdered but lil!Koala helped her sneak away and worked in the kitchens and gave information to the rebels, and she was so young, but so strong, and helped the rebellion take back Robin’s kingdom, and so in return Robin asked her what she wanted and Koala said that all she wanted was to be able to protect Robin. (Cue flustered and barely hiding it Robin, and utterly oblivious young koala)

Robin as this elegant and poised and utterly (literally) magical lady and Koala’s been head over heels for her for the longest time, ever since she was a page and saw Robin (as a teen) with her head held high and her voice so calm and strong as she dismissed warriors to help fight bandits and take care of her kingdom.

Before Robin’s coronation she’s meant to visit every single village and know the people and work with her land so she can understand what they live like and go through but Koala’s super worried because even though Robin is a powerful witch there’s still ways to get her and begs to accompany her

And Robin acquiesces (and is actually secretly super happy that Koala still cares enough to want to protect her, because a lot of other people see her as scary and cold and strange and she doesn’t mind, but sometimes it gets lonely)

Koala totally braids Robin’s hair at one point!!!! Because it was getting in the way and Robin was getting annoyed!!! And then agrees to do it for the rest of the trip!!!! And she dies inside because Robin is so beautiful and she loves her so fucking much!!!!!!

God okay kill me

They end up camping together on the road and it’s basically just domesticity and protecting each other and taking care of each other and Robin confides softly some of her fears of being queen and koala almost half-confesses that she’s worried one day they’ll be things she can’t protect anyone from

Their first kiss is totally in a waterfall.

I don’t know why that thought occured to me but now that it has I can’t let it go

They get attacked by bandits and Koala fights them all off but ends up getting injured. And so they camp by this waterfall that opens into this really lovely cave system that’s lit by shards of glowing blue and purple crystal that Robin found ‘cause it’d help her healing magic (which she isn’t suuuuuper good at, ‘cause healing magic is innate and Robin is more of a learned witch, and has heaps of memorised spells, but isn’t good at just shoving raw power at a thing).

And in the soft glow of these crystals and she’s patching up Koala’s side she just…..Ends up tugging Koala’s chin and pressing a kiss to her lips and Koala’s like lajkhdgj holy FUCK

And she tries to kiss back properly but then ends up wincing and going all ow ow ow fuck that hurt

And Robin laughs and Koala’s like aw come on that’s not my fault. And basically ends up saying something about how she’s wanted to do that for ages is it her fault that she wants more than just one kiss???

And Robin’s like woah. excuse me, wait, what.

And Koala starts blushing furiously and gets super flustered and is spluttering and trying to explain and Robin just thinks it over while she’s spluttering and is like “So you…have loved me? For a long time?”

And Koala just ends up nodding kind of guilty but then Robin smiles at her and Koala’s fucking wrecked and Robin just says “Good,” and kisses her again!!!

And no misunderstandings occur and they keep travelling around just this time with kisses and more affection and Koala not feeling careful around what she’s allowed to do, ‘cause before she didn’t feel like she could / should touch Robin and now finds out Robin fucking loves all the attention Koala gives her

GOD IT’S SO CUTE!!!!

And when they get back and Robin is crowned it’s basically a fact that Koala is the kingdom’s other queen and when people on Robin’s council complain and says she needs to get married ‘cause she shouldn’t be queen without a king she just laughs in their face.

She’s not 100% comfortable with being a mom, because she doesn’t remember much about her mom, ‘cause she died when Robin was so young and she was always so busy with being Queen, but Koala would love a kid, and she needs an heir….

(Little does she know that she’s already accidentally adopted all of the orphaned children in the castle, who she visits regularly and tells wonderful stories about the adventures she and Koala had and supports and helps with jobs and teaching and she gives them books and like okay these like 10 kids all see her and Koala as their moms)

But she needs a biological kid apparently (she’s contemplated firing this council, they’re fucking dumbasses) so she makes a kid and the kid has magic and there’s dorky magical shenanigans as she tries to get used to the fact that someone calls her mother and means it and Koala’s like Robin, pls, you’ve been looking after the castle kids for years why is this weird???

But it’s mine, Robin goes, frazzled, and Koala laughs quietly and soothes her with kisses and they raise this kickass kid and she and Koala live happily ever after. The end!!!!!

Fake Marriage AU Headcanons:

Uhh man tbqh I love fake dating more than I like fake marriages???? Idk why but it proooobably has something to do with my dislike of marriage and the fact that people use it like it’s an end-all-be-all and a solution to every problem imeanwhat???im not cynical

anyway!! I’m a drip for zolu and I haven’t written it for ages, so;

Zoro runs this lowkey but really strong dojo along with his sister Kuina and they compete a lot in fights, but are confined to the stupid gender bullshit ‘cause Kuina’s dad won’t let her fight any guys. Kuina’s already the strongest female swordsman in the world, and demands that Zoro become the strongest man so they can have a fight and so who’s actually better, and who’s the strongest full stop.

But Zoro can’t beat mihawk. It’s annoying as fuck for him, especially when Mihawk constantly keeps asking when Zoro will find something stronger than his ambitions, when he’ll find something worth fighting for.

One day he finally snaps and points at Luffy, who’s the brother of a friend of a student that attends Kuina’s self defence class and goes,

“I’M FIGHTING FOR MY FIANCE YOU ASSHOLE”

Luffy’s like wtf. Mihawk’s like ah. Well then. i shall leave you to spend time with your fiance, ‘cause you obviously don’t know well enough what i mean.

luffy’s still like what the fuck. Mihawk leaves while Zoro’s yelling at him, and then he whirls on Luffy and Luffy’s like akjhjdg dude why are you glaring at me

Then Kuina busts in and is like YOU HAVE A FIANCE?????

And Koala and Sabo are on her heels and Sabo’s like luffy how the hell did you keep this a secret!!! You’re a shit liar!!!

I- Wha- huh????? goes luffy, and Zoro’s like yep. He is. Fucking shit liar. It was meant to be a surprise but i got so angry at mihawk

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU demands sabo

my. fiance?????? luffy goes’cause he’s confused as all hells, bUT SABO THINKS HE’S CONFUSED AT SABO FOR NOT REALISING IT

There’s a lot of yelling. So much yelling. Luffy has no idea what’s going on. Zoro ends up dragging him away before they leave and kind of explains what’s going on - his rival says he needed something worth fighting for, and movies always say love makes you stronger (”only the cheesy ones,” luffy mumbles, but shuts up when Zoro glares at him, daring him to make another comment)

Luffy doesnt end up agreeing persay, but he doesnt say no either, and so they have to handle the inquisition in the form of friends and family and then find out a lot of the people they know know each other??? and it’s only weird luck they haven’t met before then??? So they just claim that they had met before then, and it’s ridiculous and dorky and they have to answer plans about marriage and where their rings are, and zoro says he didn’t want luffy to loose his and that he was always working and fighting and so they’d agreed not to get rings and

GOD GUYS IT’S A GOOD OL’ CLUSTERFUCK

They end up going on dates where they try and get everything sorted and what they know about each other and luffy keeps making zoro laugh (which is annoying, fucking hell luffy, you’re a dumbass, zoro thinks with a roll of his eyes, but can’t deny that…weirdly enough luffy makes him really happy)

and once their friends know they’re getting married, they get shoved together a lot too, and so they go from not knowing each other very well to just learning so much about each other’s likes and dislikes and they get along really well????? like wtf it’s so weird????/ they just fit. Once Zoro stop acting so put-upon ofc tho (luffy yells at him, and tells him that it was zoro’s fault in the first place that they were stuck in this mess, so how could he get off on being so high and mighty all the time??? and zoro stops acting like a dick)

And their friends are just like oooohhh yeah i can see why you want to marry him now and zoro’s like laskhdgf fucking hell you guys you’re so thick, god i cant believe this is working he thinks as he texts back like 30 seconds after luffy replies, and smiles fondly at all the spelling mistakes and emojis he recieves in return

Finds out that Sabo gives Koala a lift to her self-defence classes and sometimes joins in as a demonstrator for them to practice on and Luffy doesn’t have anyone at home and he gets bored and lonely by himself so he comes along but is banned from the classroom and so Zoro starts teaching luffy how to fight and finds out that Luffy’s actually a good fighter but his basics are off

You know that trope where the characters stand super close to correct each other’s techniques???

Yep.

yep.

Zoro you loser.

And Zoro finds that his fighting has improved as well, ‘cause Luffy’s so wild and unpredictable and he needed a refresher on the basics too.

And one time when they’re sparing Luffy manages to pin him and crows in delight and victory and is sweaty and grins down at him and Zoro’s like

Oh shit.

Oh sweet fucking shit.

SHIT

Welcome to Feelings Town tm, population: one utterly in love Roronoa Zoro who didn’t realise until it was TO FUCKING LATE

the “wedding” date they’d organised dawns nearer (Zoro tried to keep it as small and cheap as possible, ‘cause they’d planned for luffy to leave him at the altar (no way was zoro doing the leaving, everyone would kill him. Luffy is everyone’s sunshine) but luffy has so many fucking friends) and Mihawk agrees to fight zoro before they go on their “honeymoon” and there’s a bunch of people there cheering zoro on and it’s all these friends that he’s made/grown closer to thanks to Luffy and then just about when he thinks he’s gonna loose there’s luffy, fists clenched, fire alight in his eyes, urging him on, and Zoro’s like fuck

fuck I want to make him proud. i don’t want to see him disappointed. I want to best mihawk and go get fucking married and go on our stupid honeymoon and be

happy

because that’s how he’s felt. He’s felt happy with Luffy. He’s felt so happy with Luffy.

Kicks mihawk’s ass and drops his sword into Kuina’s hands and bypasses everyone else to wear Luffy is standing and grinning and there’s stars in his eyes and Zoro basically just picks him up and like they’re reading each other’s minds Luffy just leans in and kisses him

It’s fucking perfect.

Zoro’s sweaty and hot and his blood still sings from the fight and it’s rushing in his ears but all he can feel and hear and see is Luffy

And it’s perfect.

From behind him, Mihawk mumbles, “So you’ve finally found something stronger than ambition.”

Zoro pulls away and leans his forehead against luffy’s and replies, “Don’t go all cheesy family movie on me now, Mihawk.”

and Luffy laughs and they kiss again and its!!!! so cheesy!!! so cute!!! so good!!!

And they end up putting the marriage off for a bit and dating for a few years but everyone still calls them fiances / the old married couple and one day when they’re sprawled on the couch Zoro just turns to luffy and goes,

“Hey, do you want to finally actually get married?”

And luffy grins and zoro rolls his eyes and he’s like “yes i get that we practically already are, but I-”

“want to buy you a ring. And that stupid stuff. Alright?”

“Alright,” Luffy goes, still grinning super super wide, “but you might wanna put it on a necklace or smth ‘cause you know im gonna lose it.”

Zoro groans and is like dont i know it. half of our yearly pay’s gonna go to replace ur wedding ring.

and just!!! laughter and happiness and happily ever after. The end!!!!

#opfanfic #namtash #robin/koala #koala/robin #zolu #nico robin #nari is writing #one piece #long post #aussie's anons #ask aussie #bip bop nari drops #tbqh i think my Favourite is the ko/ro one ;u; <333 #also in the zolu one like just #zoro not even REALISING until the fight with mihawk like omfg #what a Loser

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rayaarchive · 4 years

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THINGS RAYA DOES:

1) Raya sneaking up and blowing frost on Fae’s neck after a bath and he’s still damp enough for it to suck 2) Uses fire magic to give rly warm hugs ?? 3) When she has nothing to do: looks for Cole even though she knows she won’t find him while knowing he will just appear in these situations. She just wants to make sure he’s not alone being sad. That’s it. She just talks to him or tried to get him to play a game with him. 4) She can play the Zhaleika… when ever she can find one. 5) She keeps a spoon on her somewhere. Not always in the same place but just somewhere, be it in her braid or shirt or apron.

You might think it’s for cooking but mostly it’s thrown at people. 6) Raya knows everyone's favorites foods and makes them when they're having bad days. Raya doesn't make a whole lot for herself when she's down, but she does make a mess when baking to make herself feel better 7) I’ve thought about this a few times but I’m not sure if it’s a normal thing or just me; my scars r rly sensitive, and since over 50% of Raya’s hands r covered in burn scar, I think her hands r incredibly sensitive and naturally she’d rly like soft things…. so I imagine she loves playing with ppls hairand that’s a big reason y she tries to get Fahleon to bathe, but also it’s just a thing she does to everyone. 8) The Ravens: …. reasonably, Raya has a separate garden full of sunflowers and corn purely for the birds so they don’t eat the stuff she cooks with “A little birdy told me” is a running joke in skyhold because apparently EVERYONE has a bird Raya notices the birds come to the dungeon often and gives them parcels to take down there when she sees them in the ‘bird garden’. She always asks them politely. There is a ‘bird dish’ outside one of the kitchen windoes where Raya has melted the metal and stone togeather so no one can take the bowl away any more. (Bird or person.) and it’s mostly for Ada with meat, but all the animals end up getting to it any how. The cats terrorize the birds n the garden and there isn’t much she can do about it tbh. They also keep the mice away so she won’t shoo them off 9) Medic edition: Oh your hurt? BITE ME. Shut up, im working. Cauterizes wounds with her HANDS. enjoys your pain because fuck you for being stabbed is the most aggressive pacifist ever Completely silent and quick/efficient during this, she knows what shes doing and shes got like 50 things going through her head and probably just as many things going on with her hands doubles the kitchen as a walk in infirmary HOARDS YARROW - DO NOT TOUCH, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT will probably call you a ‘fuck nut’ or something. WILL SMACK THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR WOUND IF YOU DON’T LISTEN TO HER. uses the ‘five-flower remidy’ as a cure all tbh [ Clematis, Cherry Plum, Impatiens, Rock Rose, and Star of Bethlehem ]

10) It’s just occurred to me that Raya has no concept of age. It’s pretty much just “it’s a baby”, “old”, “not old” and like, all the vague area inbetween. Like ur either n diapers, ancient, or “not old” and that’s the only concept of age that registers most of the time.

A list of bullshit that is canon: Raya is a ‘hero of ferelden’ fangirl … not high or low key, but like mid-key Actively tries to make the anxiety bomb that is levy, not have anxiety…. by accidentally giving him anxiety Thinks it’s cool that Fahleon is a warden. Thinks he’s a bit of a dolt for not knowing anything about wardens. Finds it absolutely hilarious that blackwall is better at it than Fahleon so says nothing when she catches on that he is n fact not a warden. Even though Raya takes lessons from Morrigan, she’s petrified of her… More so of Vivienne While not in private, Cullen and Raya still act like dicks to eachother. Tossing barbs at eachother has become something like a game. Raya can’t sing to save her life! Her spacial awareness isn’t the greatest She’s not ticklish at all She made Cullen promise to keep ‘them’ a secret… ppl found out any way. She doesn’t trust most people. That’s why she’s so clingy and tolerant of Fahleon: she trusts him. Both enamored by and scared shitless of dragons Likes collecting bones for no real reason Weird = cool Not very smart outside of plant things

about:

Name: Raya Galina

Age: ~19

Race: Half elf

Status: ex-slave / cook

Raya, if nothing else, is bouncy! Bouncy hair, bouncy clothes, bouncy toes! She’s always bouncing about no matter what she’s doing. She’s an ex-slave, born into it because her mother was a city elf owned by a jeweler. Not a kind man in any sense, but Raya grew up helping and wanting to help. She’s mainly a cook, always has been, but cooking requires a good amount of knowledge with herbs and spices, so she’s a fair herbologist as well. Now that she has her freedom, she’s much more ‘exuberant’ than she has been in the past, which causes some problems, but her freedom is new and important and she’s over excited to fight for it and maintain it….

Raya is a half elf (half human). She’s fully aware but doesn’t mention it until someone else does first or its to defend herself / correct someone. She doesn’t hide her more elf like traits and prefers elves to humans for many reasons. She’s fully aware of her advantages and disadvantages to being a mixed breed.

She recognizes how had it is for both the Dalish and the city elves but she does have day dreams of visiting an Alienage to learn more about her mother’s culture. She’s rather disgusted by humanity and parts of their cultures, but knows it’s the easier life to live.

Raya is darker than most humans on Thedas, yet paler than the elves, with ears also somewhere in the middle. Her hair is pale to nearly white like her mothers. She has large ice blue eyes like her mother (sans the color), as she was an elf, yet her nose is more human. She’s a lean girl with small breast and no hips to speak of, yet her arms and core are toned from years of tedious kneeding. Scars cover her back from being punished with a whip for years… she hides them rather easily with her dress though.

Her hands are burnt on the palms and up over the edges where learning to use fire has licked away the definition in contrast to her feet that are callous from never wearing shoes. And her left eye and cheek are covered with a brown tattoo of her patron god.

Raya’s hands might be dainty because she’s small, but they’re leathery and fuck ugly. They’re covered in scars and burns from learning how to cook and do magic at the same time. Plus I think she forgets that real fire burns (as Opposed to fire she makes that will avoid her) Not all her cooking is magic, just the things that don’t take long or take much effort. I.e. would hand cook biscuits and a small bird but anything bigger than a dog gets to go n the oven

Raya is not religious at all. She knows the varying kinds in her world, likes the idea of them, but doesn’t believe what she doesn’t see. She has faith but not in a religious figure. She has faith in the potential of humanity.

She isn’t very smart (unless it involves food/herbs), she’s illiterate, mildly street smart, but runs mostly on intuition / gut feeling. It’s why she steer a clear of Solas and never takes her eyes off when he around. She has no reason not to like him but she doesn’t trust him at all.

She is ALL emotion. She doesn’t think first before displaying them and her heart is in full view. The only emotion she tries to hide is sadness and even then, she only tries so much. She doesn’t believe in hiding or dimming them and her mother is the one who told her never to bottle emotions or they grew out of control. (Can you imagine if she did and how disasterous itd Be?)

) How do they move and carry themselves? Pace, rhythm, gestures, energy?

Raya has too much energy; she never stops moving. Even when she’s standing still, she’s not still. She’s fidgeting something or another, wether it’s grasping and re grasping or worrying the hymn of her dress or shifting back and forth on her feet. She walks in the same constant movement; her pace is a little off kilter and her speed is inconsistent. She also tends to talk with her hands, either flailing with excitement or her wrists banging her hips when angry.

) How do they present themselves socially? What distinguishes their “persona” from their “true self”, and what causes that difference?

She tries to be very happy for others, and generally is a happy person, and she feels all of an emotion at once. When she’s happy she’s nothing but happy, and nothing but sad when she is, so she hides. She’s incredibly bad at hiding emotion so she will excuse herself with out waiting for an answer if she is upset over something.

) How do they view and feel about relationships, and how might this manifest in how they handle them, if it does?

She doesn’t rly think much about it. If it happens it happens (and she honestly might not notice it happen) but she doesn’t chase it and has no will to chase it. She’d rather have friends than obligations any how.

) What do they wonder about? What sparks their curiosity and imagination, and why? How is this expressed, if it is?

EVERYTHING. She wants to know! If you’re doing something she doesn’t know about she wants to learn, she might not always ask but she will always watch and maybe figure it out herself. She’s also very into animals -accept horses and bats- and isn’t very scared of them at all. She could never tame an animal by waiting because she’s too hyper, but she is persistent enough to in other ways if she can find those other ways.

)How does your character feel about religion? She doesn’t really subscribe to any but she likes both the elven version and the human version(sorta) so when Solas destroys elvish religion, she isn’t all that fucked up over it. Just sad.

)How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations? She’s never been educated? She can’t spell for shit even after she’s thought to read and definitely says “yall” Very much a ‘sound it out’ person.

)Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive? She is very much so afraid of her dad and that won’t ever change. She’s terrified of anyone recognizing her and taking her back and it’s partly why she stayed with the inquisition.

)Does your character have a guilty pleasure? this is probably going to sound fucked up, and maybe obvious if you’ve ever seen the stuff where she fights? But the only thing close to a guilty pleasure she has, is being able to decimate her mana supply while fighting. Shes so hyper all the time that being able to expel all her energy feels weirdly good

) What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded? it actually was one of the possible names for my daughter and I still loved it so i decided to use it for an OC

) What would be their favorite physical trait about themselves? she of course likes her ears because they got a little bit pointy but she wishes they were more, she loves her legs though, she’s gotten compliments on them before and for her that’s a big deal

) Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday? she likes the spring for the rain :)

) What are your character’s sleeping habits? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker? she likes rly big soft blankets, not rly Cus she needs them but they’re just nice to wrap up in. She isn’t a blanket hog when she’s with someone else, but she definitely burritos herself when alone, and she’s not a heavy sleeper like waking the dead but she’s not a horribly light sleeper who wakes at everything either. If u call her she’ll wake but not from just walking around. Also a very clingy bed mate xP

) In their own words, how would your character describe what their lover is like? “He’s a fully capable fumbling idiot and it’s adorable.”

) Does your character have any medical conditions? Are they serious or minor? Do they affect their day to day life? she’s got some trauma -see horses and scars- but generally she’s alright? Nothing affects her everyday life, just situational.

) Is there a particular event that would emotionally devastate your character? her mom died in front of her, she’s trying really hard to not fall apart because of it so if she had to deal with one more death she’d break entirely

) Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious? she’s not an overly jealous person but she’s extremely jealous of Dalish’s looks

) If your character confessed love to their crush, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc, what would they say? in general I’m not sure, but specifically Cullen; “…. skip the stuttering and just kiss me? I do have work to do you know.”

1. What techniques or spells do they tend to use a lot?

raising roots to trip people, heating things with her hands and when she figures out how to use a bow and arrow she lights the arrows on fire when they let loose. She constantly regulates her body temperature so that shes comfortable enough to wear a dress, but she can also heat or freeze her body to get people off of her.

10. Are they worried about hurting their allies by accident during combat or is it up to their allies’ responsibility to look after themselves?

If/When she does something beyond her normal skill level, shes terrified, she doesnt know how to work it and she fears hurting people on accident. Shes’s very emotionally run, sadness freezes the air and makes it hard to breath and anger runs hot and you cant get near her or the air stings with heat.

11. What’s a weapon they either won’t use or can’t use?

She cant really use a sword or a maul or anything. shes weak, her arms are strong enough to haul a carcass and pull a bow string, but not enough to draw a sword to proper height.

16. Complaints they might have about their comrades. What annoys them, what endangers them, what don’t they like, etc.

“Sera talks weird and its annoying but shes a good person even if she does hate elves. “Varric should hide less behind stories and ask for help when he needs it rather than busying himself with helping others. The Chargers are loyal only to The Iron Bull and she fears that; she stays on Bull’s good side for it. “Fahleon just needs to speak! He woudnt be so hurt if he just said it!

What would completely break your character?

Being alone. Rejection isn’t the same as being alone, being rejected hurts but it’s not nearly as bad as having no one at all. To have no where to turn and no one to talk to or care about or get advise from. Her biggest fear is to b left alone with nowhere to go and no one to just be with.

What was the best thing in your character’s life?

The affection and attention her mother paid her.

What was the worst thing in your character’s life?

Her mom died in an accident…

What seemingly insignificant memories stuck with your character?

Her dad winding metal with a fire behind him before he noticed her standing there, and the look on Fahleon’s face when he saw the rip n the sky the ‘first’ time.

Does your character work so that they can support their hobbies or use their hobbies as a way of filling up the time they aren’t working?

She works because she’s a slave. Then because she needs a reason for The inquisition to keep her, and then to make money to keep up the House. But she also enjoys her work…

What is your character reluctant to tell people?

About her dad. Mildly less so that she’s a slave because she’s scared she might be sent back.

How does your character feel about sex?

Doesn’t want it ever again. Will possibly kill u.

How many friends does your character have?

Like 4-5 depending on ur definition.

How many friends does your character want?

All of the friends

What would your character make a scene in public about?

If u shit talk ppl she cares about or if ur hurting someone. Get wreckt

What would your character give their life for?

Her friends or something she sees as a just trade

What are your character’s major flaws?

Doesn’t always understand boundaries or when to shut up. She sees lines that shouldn’t b crossed but doesn’t always realize she’s crossed them herself.

What does your character pretend or try to care about?

Other ppls opinions….

How does the image your character tries to project differ from the image they actually project?

She tries to only show that she’s happy and chipper, as that’s what her master/father wanted for his business, but she is very full of emotion -and over the course of the inquisition she loosens that fake mask a bit- and feels things 100% of the way.

What is your character afraid of?

Other than being alone, horses.

What is something most people in your setting do that your character things is dumb?

Racism n general.

Where would your character fall on a politeness/rudeness scale?

35% polite, 65% BITE ME

Bedrooms Imagine the first time any one tries to find Raya’s bed in Skyhold. They’ve been there for a while and it’s had time to accumulate things. And while she does share a room with other women of the same or similar status, her section is just glaringly different.

Everyone has some personal items and dodads about their space but Raya’s is kind of extra. Not extremely extra, but it’s really not necessary to teather sculls to your bed posts with twine, or have scavenged jewels about. It almoat looks like a stark contrast to the happy person she tries to be.

The near by window sheds light on the fact that she has scribbles all over the floor around her area; or to most people they look like scribbles. They’re protection runes. They keep people off of her things and it becomes very evident that she is, in fact, a home taught mage.

#about

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fightcancerlikeagirl · 7 years

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Adult Breast Cancer

Be patient with me and I will eventually get back to adult breast cancer, I hope :)

Our warrior, after 2 years of treatment, weekly chemo, radiation, surgeries, and numerous other insults to her body, was finally given a reprieve with a No Evidence of Treatable Disease scan. Final - F&^%$@&N - Ly. This was not even on our radar last September so we will take it an run!

We booked a trip out to see Vancouver Island from tip to tail, with numerous stops in between. We were also present to celebrate my parents 50th wedding anniversary, which is quite the accomplishment in patience and communication.

My parents friends have followed Naomi’s story and were some of our first generous village of care members. So imagine the response Naomi got when she was there in the flesh. She was signing recipe books, doing magic tricks, entertaining the crowd as only an innocent 9 year old can who thinks she can do anything, because she has proven she can. She met a man who has been battling lung cancer and is alive today because of science, just like her. She also met a man who lost his son to pancreatic cancer at the young age of 28. It was this man, who lost his son at 28 years old to cancer, who was insistent that my condolences for his son’s battle were accepted, but not the same. Because she is just a child.

He reminded me that the most common response to Naomi’s battle is a human response. People try to relate to us with their own accounts of their grandma’s cancer, or aunt or uncle’s battle with the beast. In an attempt to be empathetic, Naomi’s battle was being submerged under the general cancer umbrella, thereby, in my opinion, lessening the impact of her battle. He reminded me that it is not the same, because she is just a child.

The best possible response to hearing about a childhood cancer diagnosis is probable silence, because you cannot relate unless you have been there. I know you are trying to be nice when relaying your conversations about your interactions with cancer but unless there was a child involved, it is not the same. And by trying to relate when you can't, the impact of a childhood cancer diagnosis becomes a regular cancer diagnosis and from my perspective, it is not the same.

Here is how it is different. When a child is diagnosed with cancer, it is the ultimate unjust act that can happen as a child is innocent and cancer is insidious. It is the epitome of preying on the innocent. The children have not eaten enough non-organic food to increase their chances of cancer. The children have not smoked, or drank, or been inactive long enough to increase their chances of cancer. All of your risk factors for cancer go out the window for a child because they have not lived long enough to accumulate any bad in that column. The only bad involved in a childhood cancer diagnosis is bad luck. That’s it. A single cell forgot to listen to the stop sign, over and over and over again, growing into a 17 cm tumour, squishing vitals organs, cutting off lymph drainiage, and in some cases, cutting off life because of one single cell.

Children adapt and thank God they do, but that doesn't make it any better. It is not OK for a 2-year old to battle cancer because “they won't remember it” when they are an adult. When you say those words, you are making yourself feel better, not the child and not the parent. I know of children who have nightmares, years later, the trauma of what they went through coming out in their subconscious. They experienced the real boogey man. They experience the real monsters in their sleep and awake hours, repeatedly, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, starting when they were 2 years old, sometimes younger. There is not enough “adapt” in the world to make them “not remember it.”

Let’s move to the day to day battles that the children undergo and how they “adapt.” I need to be clear. Naomi has had a 23 gauge needle poked into her port in her chest hundreds of times, but none of them have been easy because she is “used to it.” In order for a child to be “OK” with the insults to their body they have to feel that they control some portion of it. In Naomi’s case, she needed to lay on mom or dad, she would count down, mom or dad cover her eyes, she pops her chest out to make the access easier for the nurses, she chews her Sour Patch Kids gum to cover the taste of the flush, and away we go, she is hooked up and running her super juice. Kudos to the nurses who continually know her routine from the other children they treat daily, and who never miss that dime sized landing spot in her port. This routine was repeated hundreds of times but it was never OK.

Next, we have the super juice (chemo) and its tumour killing power along with side effects. Naomi threw up, through anti-nausea meds, about once a month. It got to be routine that we knew when to have a bowl ready, she knew it was coming, and felt better instantly afterwards. Let me remind you at this point she was 8 years old and knew the signs and symptoms of a chemo induced throw up. The “adapt” in her was never more pronounced when we would clean that bowl or get a fresh one, and she would proceed to play Moana with that bowl. The throw-up bowl was the mountain, the padded blue lined sheets were the ocean, various syringes or articles were the characters, and the throw up, the chemo, the cancer was forgotten in Moana land. Because she is an 8 year old girl still and foremost, just a child.

What about that chemo pole, the one that hangs pre-meds, post meds, chemo, meds, hydration, you name it. The beeps, the sounds, you get used to and with practice can sleep through it, sometimes. The children, if they are feeling well enough, ride it like a dragon on the way to the bathroom or, in Naomi’s case, hang their Barbie’s off like they are climbing a mountain. The nurses decorate them according to the season, hang decorations off them, because they work in the peds ward and they are treating children. Children with cancer, but still children.

Let’s move onto the supplies:) A hospital room or chemo treatment room to an adult may seem sterile, functional. To a child, it is filled with new things to explore, especially the pre-filled water guns, I mean sterile saline syringes. I still remember the first time Naomi squirted her oncologist with saline when he came into the room. He laughed it off, thank goodness, and she smiled through that whole appointment because she had got him good! She won that round in her mind, and she continued to win, because she is a child.

Now, back to my original point. Place an adult in these above scenarios. Laying on their parents while being accessed, insisting on the correct gum, using a barf bowl as a mountain, hanging Barbies off their chemo pole or riding it like a dragon, squirting their oncologist when they walk into the room. These images are not natural and are quite hysterical or could be if executed right.

Adults are different than children and adult cancer is different than childhood cancer. When was the last time you heard someone say they had adult breast cancer? They don't. They say breast cancer because it is implied that cancer happens in adults, not children. It is implied that the patient has had the opportunity to live the first 20+ years of their life event free.

We, as a society, need to stop trying to relate childhood cancer to adult cancer because we are doing a grave injustice to our children by doing so. Cancer is the number one cause of disease related death in children. It is the year 2017, and that fact is not known by healthcare professionals, caregivers, or the general public. Why? Because we don't like to think about it? Because it makes us uncomfortable? The thought of cancer in a child is tough enough, the experience is horrific. Seeing your child in excruciating pain because the insidious beast is growing inside their innocent bodies is horrific. Telling your child repeatedly it is OK, when it is not OK, is the ultimate irony.

I believe that childhood cancer is not known about, not talked about, not rallied about like other cancers because it makes us adults uncomfortable. We have turned our heads away from the number one disease killer of kids. WTF? I was guilty of it as well, my profession was guilty of it, but hopefully in the future, if we start enough difficult conversations, if we make enough people uncomfortable, that feeling of unease goes away and you get the same fire in your belly that I get when someone tries to give excuses as to why it is better, easier for a child to have cancer than an adult. What complete and utter bullshit.

We have failed our children because we are uncomfortable with the thought and especially the reality of a child with cancer. I don't care if it is considered rare. How rare is it if it is killing more children than asthma, diabetes, AIDS, and cystic fibrosis COMBINED? One child a week here in Saskatchewan are being diagnosed, 62 children last year alone. By jumping on other awareness campaigns and not putting our children first, we have failed them. They are being diagnosed too late, in pain for months before diagnosis. The tumours are metastasizing, decreasing survival rates because no-one is looking at cancer as a possible diagnosis. They are being treated with science that is older than they are. Funds are lacking because in order to fundraise, we need to acknowledge the existence and impact of the disease.

Basically, we as a society, need to pull up our big girl panties and claim childhood cancer as the cause to get behind, to support, to educate, to fundraise for. The children have been put on the back burner for too long now. We, thanks to awareness campaigns, know to do self breast exams and men are getting their PSA tested. So we have the moms and dads covered. It is time to put the children first, so that they all have a chance to grow up and fight breast cancer or prostate cancer.

Childhood cancer is different because of the word childhood. We claim it, not adults.

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ghoultyrant · 7 years

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FoZ Notes 18

Alright, we finally are having the plot start moving. Kinda. In any event a decent amount of stuff I felt like making notes of is happening.

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Saito literally glowing after him and Louise affirm their love. Neither of them notices. [You know, I’d forgotten about this because it doesn’t come back]

Fouquet giving money to Romalian orphans out of kindness. This is apparently just a thing with her. Oh, excuse me, to Albionese orphans in Romalia. So she's got loyalty to her country, I guess?

Also, Wardes is back. Apparently him and Fouquet have been hanging out in Romalia for... some reason... since Albion lost the war. He's been reading some secret Romalian book detailing historical events involving people revolting against Church power etc, among other books he's been reading in this period. Apparently Fouquet stole it for him.

Wardes mother was a researcher at the same facility Eleanore works at. She researched history (I guess she was an archeologist?) and 'earth history' (??), eventually went crazy, sexist commentary ensued because the author STILL cannot make up his goddamn mind. It's heavily hinted that the Wind Stone Catastrophe I've been spoiled on is her Go Mad From The Revelation moment, which she for some reason decided to not tell anyone about. Wardes is now trying to follow in her footsteps. Why? Because he semi-accidentally killed her when he was twelve by giving her a shove at the top of some stairs, so he's felt guilty ever since.

So. The fuck does that have to do with his original plot of wanting to become God-King of Halkeginia? [No, the story makes no attempt to explain what his original storyline was about]

Romalia knew Wardes and Fouquet were here the whole time, did nothing until just now because Reasons.

Josette has never felt happiness in her entire life. It takes her a bit to recognize it when she first experiences it. She's fully aware Julio is just using her, but loves him such that she's fine with that, which would be creepysweet except she's like the fifth such character at this point, so really it's just plain creepy. Especially since they're all women.

I am getting REAL damn tired of Romalia knowing everything everywhere all the time EXCEPT when they fail to know a thing that it would actually be plausible for them to guess at. (eg Joseph being the Gallion Void mage) The story almost never makes the slightest effort to justify it. It's ridiculous.

More generally, Julio is a goddamn Sue of the highest order. More so than Saito! That's nuts!

Isabella has a knife that talks. Unclear if it's a knife-person or just a knife-radio. Later narrative implies it's a radioknife.

Tabitha saying she isn't foolish enough to help a religious fanatic -to the Pope. Gutsy.

The Pope replacing Tabitha with Josette is intended as a plot to bait out Saito and company because of fucking course.

Guiche views stealthy action as un-noble. No wonder he's so shit at his attempts to court a zillion women without them knowing about each other.

Oh hey now WE are using 'Skillnir' to fool enemies. Skillnir apparently require blood from the person you're wanting them to imitate... which raises the question of how Romalia got a sample of Saito's blood without him knowing. This is a dumb plotpoint.

Kirche will fucking murder you if you kill Tabitha. No hesitation. That's pretty darn close, emotionally! It’s more emotion than she’s shown for, say, Colbert, who I’ve utterly failed to mention her having the hots for after his ridiculous non-death because it’s an idiot plotline.

Saito is fucking baffled by someone having seemingly changed their face with magic. Don't think too hard about how Louise told him about the bastard-hiding place with its face-changing magic, you know, last volume. That was a whole volume ago, how dare you expect the author to remember things from so far back!

Abruptly, we're told Earth Stones are a thing and are necessary for golem production. Okay, cool. Fuck you, you horrific piece of shit, this is either some of the worst planning I have ever seen or some of the most blatant, disrespectful retconning I have ever seen. We should've been hearing about this in Volume Fucking One. Volume Two at the latest, where we were introduced to Wind Stones. We should not be hearing this nonsense in VOLUME EIGHTEEN.

Abruptly we hear that the Pope, when traveling, has to stop and bless people, thank people, etc etc. Why has this never cropped up before, then?

Chikasui -the girl of face-changing and Isabella's right-hand woman as far as I can tell- showing up as a man. Is she a shaspeshifter?

You know, I only just realized the "Mountain of the Fire Dragon" is actually something we heard about back in Volume One. Holy Continuity, Batman!

Really annoyed that Tabitha being pulled from the Pope's carriage doesn't cause Vittorio's men to second-guess their loyalties. Their outrage seems to be over, essentially, casting aspersions upon a man who should be beyond reproach, and then the aspersion turns out to be true. They ought to be horrified and/or outraged to discover that Vittorio has abused the trust that everyone puts into him, NOT blithely, angrily fighting for him like nothing has changed. [Reader note: Saito and company accuse the Pope of kidnapping Tabitha, basically, the Paladins are all “His Holiness would NEVER and how dare you claim otherwise!” and then out comes Tabitha and they don’t acknowledge how this contradicts their belief in the man]

Also getting tired of Vittorio and Julio insisting people should trust them, as they totally have a good reason for it honest! Nope, don't care. Behave in a manner not worthy of mistrust before you demand trust, assholes.

I'd be thrilled to see Saito calling Julio on his manipulative womanizing bullshit if he wasn't a massive goddamn hypocrite. Also because it devolving into a fist fight while Tabitha, Kirche, and Louise stand by and watch is idiotic nonsense. Earthquake interrupt! Vittorio makes a comment that implies this is the Wind Stone Catastrophe. Specifically, Fire Dragon Mountain takes off. Julio claims this Wind Stone issue is why they need to retake the holy land... which explains fucking nothing.

Ugh.

Ridiculous claims that half the landmass of Halkeginia will rise up and this will cause a land war. Guys? You remember Albion? That place people live on right now? I know you do, because you're mentioning it in this conversation. In fact, this will INCREASE the amount of land available to Halkeginia! There will definitely be chaos and death, but you're all wrong ANYWAY.

Oh and we learn Brimir made a device that's in the holy land that requires four Void Mages to activate and which will somehow fix this. Dude. It's been 6000+ years. Even shaving it down to 5000 since Halkeginian years are shorter than Earth years, that's way the fuck too long. It's probably rust and dust, or at least buried. This should be obvious to everyone. Yes, I know, there’s those stupid preservation spells, but the plot itself seems to have entirely forgotten about them.

Why did all this stupid shit happen? Because! In true Shonen style, Julio wanted to fight Saito! Okay, so? What, Vittorio obligingly did a bunch of pointless bullshit to accommodate his familiar secretly being hijacked by an Entity? This is not an explanation that makes any kind of sense.

Of fucking course there's a spell for turning a wand's tip into a whip. And of course Eleanore knows it. As an aside, Malicorne is a masochist. It looked that way for several volumes, but A: I thought he was nobody important, a temporary character and B: it was ambiguous. Nope, he likes being whipped. sigh

Aaaand Louise saying she's "not a child anymore" seems to be taken by everyone as a shocking admission that she's had sex. Oh god she's had sex with Saito. I need brain bleach.

Naturally, Tristain digging into the Wind Stone issue causes them to agree to participate in the Crusade. This is stupid. The stupidity is unending. I'm having trouble making myself keep reading in the face of the biggest, most world-building-est plot twist of the series being such a crock of shit on every level.

Luctiana gets Ali to accept this mission he hates by virtue of refusing to marry him if he denies her the "greatest adventure" she can imagine. Because she wants to come along too, you see. Bidashal Just As Planned this, pretends innocence when Ali calls him on it. [Wait, did I mention Luctiana and Ali before? I don’t remember that being in my previous notes, did I lose the original notes or is this misplaced? In any event they’re both Elves. Luctiana has a fascination with ‘barbarians’, which is her entire character aside from being pedobait, while Ali has basically no character at all]

Oh fuck no. No, don't have Louise throw away her noble title to be with Saito. This is heinous bullshit. (Okay, it doesn't actually happen, but that Louise would consider it worth it horrifies me regardless)

Something I ought to have mentioned back on Volume One: magic lamps. Thing is? They've never been explained. Who makes them? Why are they in noble houses/institutions, but nowhere else? What powers them, given that magic is chant-based? They're just... present, and questionable worldbuilding.

Elves murdering bandits. Ali purports to dislike killing, but none of the Elves seem upset at the gruesome deaths they're inflicting. Wow, what pacifists. I am very convinced.

End volume 18.

------------------------- In which we finally learn about the Wind Stone Catastrophe and learn that Romalia's Crusade is not just fanatical religiousness. Oh and we finally see a bit of Elf culture/lands.

Alternative summary: Stupid Nonsense Pileup. Like a thirty-car pileup, but of stupid nonsense.

#Familiar of Zero #Notes

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