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#my emotions are too high to be doing this right now

uriekukistan · 2 days

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In Defense of Shoko in 261

to be so honest, i’m really doing my best not to come off angry while talking about this. but to me this conversation is not just about shoko, but about the way women are treated in media, and especially in shounen manga in general.

people are upset about the way shoko reacted, or rather didn’t react, to yuuta’s plan because it seemed too unemotional and uncaring. if she had shown emotion or protested, people would still be upset because she would be seen as unable to do the necessary thing in a time of crisis due to her feminine emotions or whatever.

this is the dilemma of not just female characters, but real life women. there’s never a right reaction.

additionally i feel that some of the things being said about her are expecting her to only exist as support for gojo, and not as her own character, which i see way too often with female characters in shounen manga.

in any case, i stand by my cancelled wife, and here’s my defense of her. spoilers below the cut.

Since when has Shoko ever been outwardly emotional like that?

if shoko is upset about yuuta using gojo’s body as a weapon, there is just no way she would outwardly object or show any signs that she’s upset. that’s not who she is and she’s shown that. there have been several times where she’s not displayed the emotion one would expect from her, so why would that change now?

when shoko sees geto, one of her closest friends, if not her closest, for the first time after finding out that he massacred an entire village, you would expect her to be feeling a slew of emotions. maybe confusion, maybe anger, maybe hurt, maybe betrayal. maybe even concern for her friend.

but shoko acts like it’s no big deal at all. she’s just seeing her close friend on a regular day. because she’s not the type to get outwardly emotional. whatever she’s feeling right now is kept somewhere else entirely, far away from the surface.

additionally, in the scene where everyone got frustrated that gojo didn’t react about nanami, we have this from shoko.

talking about geto. not reacting. guys shoko is just not a reactive person like that, and that’s totally fine. a lot of people are like this (including myself but thats not the point)

but that doesn’t mean the emotions don’t exist, or that shoko has no way of reacting or coping or showing that she’s going through anything at all. one way is through smoking.

smoking is something shoko picks up again before the shibuya incident, when the entire jujutsu world is growing more stressed with the increased presence of special grades, particularly the disaster curses, the incident at the goodwill event…and at shibuya, the situation was very high stress, yet she keeps a cool demeanour. the only sign that she’s upset at all is that every time she’s shown, she’s smoking.

the only times we’ve seen shoko’s feelings, it’s been completely internal. the most notable being this scene:

this is the most emotional we’ve ever seen shoko, and if you’ll notice, she’s completely alone.

shoko keeps her feelings well hidden from everyone, so it’d be completely against her character to outwardly show if she was upset by yuuta’s plan.

Since when has Shoko shied away from questionable medical/jujutsu practices?

shoko was eager to dissect yuuji after he “died” like it was some sort of science project and not a human being…please note im saying this as a completely neutral statement, this is not to say whether shoko is a good or bad person, just that she is and how she is.

sure, it’s a bit questionable that she’s looking at a dead teenager on her table and wondering what information she can get out of him, but at the same time, there could be useful information in yuuji’s biology that shows what makes him a successful vessel, at least as far as shoko is aware. useful knowledge that could be used to find another suitable vessel to continue killing sukuna’s power, one finger at a time.

she even says to gojo “who do you think i am?” when he tells her to make her examination of yuuji worth it, implying that this is a trait that those around her are aware of.

she’s practical and methodical, logically thinking rather than emotionally thinking, but most importantly, she’s not the type to display her feelings.

she’s exactly the type to understand the reasoning behind yuuta’s plan and accept it as a logical last ditch effort, and she’s also the type to store her true feelings about it away to process over a cigarette (or several) at a more convenient time. asking her to do anything else would be asking her to change as a character.

i hope this doesn’t come across as me being unsympathetic to gojo’s dehumanization and being turned into a weapon, i think it’s upsetting for sure (but i respect the narrative choice, i think it’s an interesting way to bring out themes). mostly, i think that shoko, both by the narrative and by the fandom, is only perceived in geto & gojo’s shadow, and i wanted to draw attention to her as a person.

i’m sick of reading the “shoko’s a cold-hearted traitor” comments on different platforms bc i think it’s not true, and i think asking her to act differently removes her autonomy as a character and forces her to be nothing but a supporting role to gojo, rather than her own character.

hopefully this makes some sense dkskld

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk leaks #jjk spoilers #jjk 261 #shoko ieiri #jjk shoko #ieri shoko #gojo satoru

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moonchild9350 · 2 days

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Need You

Summary: Jisung is a little needy for you.

Pairing: idol Jisung x fem reader

Genre: smut- 18+ MDNI please

Word count: 755

Warnings: cursing, p in v penetration, creampie (wrap it folks)

Note: Reblogs and comments are appreciated :)

This is in no way how Jisung is in reality. This is solely for fun.

Please do not copy, translate, modify, use, or repost this work elsewhere without my permission. ©moonchild9350 (2024)

Jisung came home in a rush. He only had an hour before his next scheduled activity and he needed to see you now. He unlocked the door, walked into your shared apartment, slamming the door behind him. He rushed to the bedroom since you weren't in the living room or kitchen. You stuck your head out from the bathroom where you were doing your makeup.

“Hey Ji, you’re home e…” but you were cut off by your boyfriend giving you a heated kiss on the lips.

“I only have one hour, babe, I just needed to see you, needed to feel you.”

You nodded at his statement and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Jisung continued to press kisses to your lips, his tongue swiping across your lower lip, in which you accepted. The kiss was hot and messy, as you knew Jisung did not have much time for sweet and slow, which you did not mind one bit.

Jisung backed you into the bathroom counter, gave you one more peck, before turning you around so your back was facing him. He looked at you through the mirror as he bent you over the counter, running his hand down your back before giving your ass a slap. You groaned at this, clenching your thighs together. You loved these quick fucks, where there was only raw emotion and desperation with your and Jisung’s actions.

You rubbed your ass against his bulge, causing him to moan out and grasp your hips tighter. He pushed your shorts and panties down to your knees, in a hurry to sink his cock into your sweet pussy. Taking his fingers, he brought them down to your folds, collecting your arousal.

“You’re already so wet for me babe. I’ve barely touched you.”

“It’s all for you Ji, only wet for you,” you whined.

After a few more swipes through your folds, you felt the tip of his cock breach your pussy. Jisung rocked his hips out of pure desperation, running his cock through your folds. He needed you. He wanted to hear your moans that always seemed louder during these quick fucks. He couldn’t fault you at this, as it seems like he always came the hardest during these moments too.

“Put it in Ji, I’m ready. Go ahead baby.”

“Always so good for me, my sweet baby.” Jisung pushed his cock in, bottoming out, his eyes rolling back in his head feeling how warm, wet and tight you are. You were right there with him, moaning at the stretch from lack of preparation. You loved that stretch, the fine line between pain and pleasure. You knew you could take it, so you started rocking your hips back on his cock.

Jisung loved this sight, watching you fuck his cock, ass bouncing as it hit his pelvis. Gripping your hips tighter, he began pounding into you, his balls slapping your clit repeatedly. Jisung fucked you hard and deep, there was no room for being gentle. He wanted to get you to your release fast. Taking one hand, he quickly wet his fingers, bringing them to your clit. With the extra stimulation, you felt close, pussy clenching repeatedly. Grasping the counter, you rocked back on Jisung’s cock matching his pace, both of you chasing your highs.

With a few more thrusts, you were cumming, screaming Jisung’s name, knowing surely the neighbors heard you and would probably be filing a noise complaint. Jisung grasped your hips with both hands once more and pounded deeper into you as he was close to his release. Three thrusts later, he was cumming, filling you up with his cum. He ran his hand down your back once more and leaned down to kiss your neck. He then slowly pulled out, watching as his cum oozed out of your pussy and down your thighs. He pulled his boxers and pants back up and grabbed a towel to clean you up. Pulling your panties and shorts back up, he gave you a kiss.

“Thank you baby, I needed that. Was thinking about you all morning.”

You didn’t mind, not in the least. You gave him one last kiss before you watched Jisung walk out the bathroom. You heard him put his shoes back on and walk out the door to head back to the studio. As you listened to his exit, you could feel his cum still seeping out of you, a reminder of what had just gone down, one of the best fucks of your life.

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heyidkyay · 2 days

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And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part Twenty-Five (The End)

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way?

Authors note: The ending! The final chapter of Matty and Mouse's story, my heart is actually breaking. Honestly loved writing these two, as well as baby Teds, and I hope you lot loved them too because all the love this series has gotten means so much, it feels surreal. Hopefully I can write a few blurbs of them or something in the future but this is it for now. So thank you for all the support!

Warnings: EMOTIONS, Matty and Mouse way of thinking, little bit of angst, referencing to past hurts (such as not making it to a certain age), smut, unprotected sex, self-conscious characters?

> Last update: look back here if you'd like!

Masterlist

Matty wouldn’t have been able to say what the time must have been if anyone had dared ask. He’d been propped up against the headboard, still in his t-shirt and jeans, his hand never having fallen from the top of her head even after she’d finally worn herself out and drifted to sleep.

His stomach churned pitifully at the reminder, at how hard she had cried. Gasping and sobbing into that fucking pillow she still held onto, all whilst clinging to the skin of his wrist with an unforeseen strength. As though she’d been pleading in her grip of him, asking him not to go just yet.

That hold had diminished a tad during the night, she’d always been a fitful sleeper– had kneed him one too many times between the legs for him to not know that fact– but this time around… She’d been almost deathly still, aside from the frowning expressions that clouded her face whilst she’d dreamt.

He continued to sit there though, watching on as the moon sunk so that the sun could slowly climb its way into the irradiating sky, giving way to that first hint of morning.

He hadn’t slept a wink, not really. Nodded off for a second or two once or twice before he’d found himself jerking awake again. Couldn’t seem to stay down for much longer than that.

And why would he? When he’d all but destroyed the woman laying beside him. This proud, strong and resilient woman that he’d been so idolised by, so enraptured with. The one person in his fucking forsaken life that had appeared so utterly invincible.

She was a survivor. A mother. A friend.

And she was kind. Funny. Resilient.

Then she’d gone and met him, hadn’t she?

And he’d ruined her like he did everything else.

Practically broken her.

Torn the last pieces of her further apart.

The thought alone made him feel sick to his stomach. Aching with this unbound need to grovel and cry at her very feet, to make her see enough sense so that she could understand just how much she didn’t need someone like him. That she was strong enough to do it all alone. That she didn’t need to cling to him as she had, like rust to a buoy long lost at sea.

Guilt.

That was what that sticky feeling growing in his gut was. That overwhelming malady that was eating him up from the inside out, making him feel so utterly sick.

He had come over to see her. So that they might be able to talk things out. He’d come to apologise. To make things right between them. But instead, what had he done?

Pushed.

He’d pushed and fucking pushed, forcing her hand enough so that she had cracked and he’d been able to slip past those high guarded walls of hers.

And now here they were.

He couldn’t bring himself to regret it though– not all of it at least.

To have held her again… It had calmed some sick twisted part of him.

To have just seen her and heard her voice, no matter how pained and angry it had been. It was like the world around him had softened for a split second. Become all grainy.

Matty glanced back over to her sleeping form, to the way she had bundled the duvet high up over her head so that the tip of her nose could bury itself in the slight curve it made, her chin tucked away.

His hand was still lost somewhere in her hair, thumb cascading out over her temple every now and then, but he didn’t dare pull away. Not until he had no other choice in the matter.

So he carried on, staying there and lying awake. Thinking over the night before. Thinking back to her devastated expression, to the wary look her eyes had held. To the way she hadn’t spoken a word. To how she had simply forced her cries into silent sobs.

Suddenly, he was stuck on the very realisation that she hadn’t been reacting to it all, to everything she’d been feeling, to what had happened, but rather retreating. Hiding away whilst, somehow, still allowing him to be near. To stay. To watch over her.

A soft sniff had him blinking, regaining composure quick enough so that he could catch the scene play out before him.

…

I was embarrassed by the previous night's events. By the fact that I had been so determined to keep Matty at arms length and then failed entirely. That he had seen me so weak and well– broken.

But it had all come to a head, I supposed.

I’d been keeping up appearances ever since everything had fallen out, putting on a brave face and a smile for anyone and everyone who could see. It was only ironic, I guessed, for Matty to have been the one to shatter that image completely.

Still, I swallowed at the sight of him still sitting there beside me the next morning, seeming as though he hadn’t moved an inch throughout the whole night, and shoved all that shame back down.

“Thought you’d be gone by now.” I heard myself say as I flipped over onto my back so that I could stare up at the ceiling and at the sun drawn lines that stretched out across it.

I listened to his quiet laugh, to the way he shuffled slightly on the mattress, though I didn’t dare look back at him. It was too early and I already felt as though he’d seen enough of me. “Was just hoping for a chance at one of your brews, is all.”

Something in me shifted at his easy words. At the fact that he’d chosen to try and make me smile, instead of calling me out on all my messy bullshit.

“And if I’ve got no milk?” I replied, just because this was easier than arguing anymore.

I felt him shift, probably shrugging if I knew him as well as I thought I did. “Shops open soon enough.”

The corner of my mouth twitched, although I continued my staring contest with the blank space sat high above us.

“Who says I’ll let you back in?”

He did laugh then, a deep rumble of a chuckle that was rough from disuse and a lack of sleep. Matty sniffed, “Just gonna have to try my luck then, I ‘spose.”

It was only in that next second that I realised something, something that had me inhaling sharply as Matty’s fingers dragged their way through my hair to tuck a frizzy strand behind my ear, before then pulling away entirely.

My eyes slipped closed at the sudden loss and my hands curled into tight fists beneath the duvet at the very thought of him having stayed that way throughout the night. Of having held me in the only way he’d been able to, as though he believed it might have kept some small part of me together. Only pulling away now that he could see that I wasn’t going to crack beneath the weight of everything I still held.

The bed shifted and the sound of his feet hit the floor.

From the corner of my eye, I watched him as he stood.

Matty moved throughout my bedroom with an ease I didn’t even own, picking up the hoodie he’d thrown over my desk chair all those days ago, the same one I hadn’t allowed myself to touch, let alone wear.

I almost told him not to take it, but withheld. Only just managing to bite down on my tongue as I watched him shrug it on. It was his afterall.

“Gonna nick your keys,” He told me whilst he shook the hood out around his neck and dragged it up over his tousled curls, “Only be about ten minutes. You can shower or whatever, not worry about letting me back in.”

I could only nod in return and he smiled, pausing in the doorway to look back at me for a second or two before he nodded, almost fretfully, and turned away.

I waited, lying there still enough that I was surprised I didn’t go stiff from how tightly I was wound, until I heard the familiar rattle of keys and then the squeaking hinges of the front door. It closed behind him so quietly that had I not been holding my breath I might not have even heard it.

I was rubbing at my face not a minute later, hauling back tears leftover from last night's show, before I heaved an anguished scream that was more air than actual sound from my lungs.

Forcing myself to calm– and not dissolve into fucking hysterics– I willed myself up, noting that I was still naked as I kicked the covers away. Another thing I’d gone and bared for him, I supposed. As though it wasn’t enough that I had already cried myself to sleep with him just sitting a hand’s stretch away, but that we’d actually gone and slept together. After everything.

My head was warring with my heart as I dragged myself up out of the dirtied sheets, throwing on an old tee so that I could shove them into the washer before he got back. I forced myself into the shower quickly after, letting the hot water roll off my skin.

I must’ve been stood there for a long while, drowning under the heavy spray, because it was the sound of the door that broke me from the faraway place I’d found myself in whilst staring at the tiled walls.

Blinking, I wiped the water from out of my eyes and forced myself to wash, lathering up my hair and going through the motions, before I finally stepped out.

I didn’t dare peer into the mirror, not all too desperate to see the state I’d worked myself into on my way out. Choosing to head back into the bedroom instead, padding over towards the dresser to pull out some clean clothes and only noticing the fresh sheets that had been pulled onto the bed when I’d finally dressed.

The towel I’d been holding to lightly dry my hair slowly dropped to my side at the sight. I opened my mouth to call out and probably ask– But I stopped myself before I could. Ask what? I wondered. Why? Then shook my head at the very idea.

Doing the smart thing by shutting my mouth, I dumped the towel in the hamper and pulled on a pair of socks, taking a deep breath before deciding to venture further out into the flat.

I found him in the kitchen.

He didn’t peer over his shoulder but he must’ve heard me putter in because he greeted me: “I know I said I’d be quick but I passed by that little bakery on my way back– that hidden gem we liked that one time? Anyway, it just smelt fuckin’ devine.” He accentuated that last bit, making me smile slightly, “And I just couldn’t not, you know? Been a while, but they had those danishes you like in the window. Got a couple to share as well as some other bits.” Matty explained, head still halfway in the bag he’d obviously brought back with him, a pint of milk sat alone on the side, “And a sausage roll for Teds– kid was eating them like he was gonna starve a while ago. So I just thought...”

Matty shrugged, as though that in itself was no big deal, him thinking of my son, and turned around to glance my way with a display case of baked-goods now lining my kitchen counter.

I snorted softly at the sight, jerking my chin out towards the lot of them, “Just thought you’d bring back half the shop?” I teased and was all too pleased when he chuckled around the beginnings of a smirk.

He was quick with his quip, “So I’m guessin’ you don’t want one of these danishes then?”

I narrowed my eyes at the sheer nerve. “I never said that.”

Matty’s nose scrunched with his next shrug before he moved to snap one up for himself. “Sort of sounded like it, sweetheart.”

I shook my head, biting down on my growing grin as I slid across the kitchen to grab at one too.

I hummed around the first bite I took and all but moaned at the flavour of it, blinking my eyes back open only to find Matty wearing the most delighted little grin. I rolled my eyes but didn’t grant him the gift of an actual reply, though it didn’t seem to waver him either way.

We seemed to move seamlessly around one another after that; him filling up the kettle whilst I placed two mugs down on the countertop; the clink of a teaspoon being shot into one cup as I moved to grab the tin of tea bags; Matty switching the radio on like it was second nature and me smiling away to myself as I poured the milk.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek once we’d finally settled, he’d chosen to take up room at the table whilst I carefully stored the remaining pastries away for later.

I wanted to talk, to try and hash things out again, because this felt right to me. Him being here. In my dingy little kitchen, small but still so crowded with all sorts of bits and bobs, as well as a plethora of crayon coloured drawings. And he just, well, Matty just fit here. Or maybe that was just me hoping. Ignoring the bigger warning signs so that I wouldn’t have to feel so alone again.

Was he lying to me?

Had he relapsed?

Did he cheat?

It didn’t seem like he’d done any of those things. There was no guilt in his gaze and yesterday… I’d never seen him like that. Even whilst stressed or overwhelmed, Matty had never cried. He’d never looked at me like that either, as though he was slowly breaking before my eyes.

He’d said his piece, he’d promised, and then he’d apologised.

But.

What if I was just making a bigger mug of myself here?

Letting him back in. Giving him my forgiveness. Having him in my bed.

Was I saying that it was okay? Was that the impression I’d be giving? That he could lie and walk all over me and that everything would still be fine.

It left the world feeling a little more tilted than it had been only moments before. It left me questioning everything, once again.

…

“What are we doing, Matty?”

Matty was slow in looking back over at her, fingers tapping aimlessly away on the kitchen table to some song that had been playing on the radio.

“What do you mean?”

She huffed, a quiet chuckle full of disbelief rippling through the air, “I mean, what are we doing here?”

“The fuck if I know.” Matty replied, just as soft as that laughter she’d given him, shrugging at her from across the kitchen. Because what was he meant to say to that?

She just shook her head in turn though, completely unaware to the way he was now watching her. Taking her all in. The way the outline of her body glowed whilst bathed in the morning light that shone in through the windows. Of how her slowly drying hair curled at parts in the easy breeze that crept by. And how endeared he was by the way she never failed to tuck her joggers, or pyjama bottoms, or whatever else she’d decided to throw on whilst at home into her socks. It made her who she was, all these mindless little tidbits that he’d gathered over the last year, that he had observed.

“We can’t just– move on. Carry on like nothing’s happened.” She sounded frustrated. Sad.

“Why not?” It was almost sarcastic, the way he said it, but his voice held a whole lot of truth to it. He wanted this and he wanted her. And he’d be a fucking fool to deny it.

And what would the world make of the two of them anyway? Cause she’d gone and claimed the very same thing last night, hadn’t she?

The pair of them, fools.

“‘Cause everything’s a mess.” She answered back, staring at him now, almost defeated.

Her shoulders were slumped and she wore that sad smile she often favoured when she was at a loss, slowly being eaten away by a horde of thoughts she couldn’t seem to control.

He watched her fidget with the hem of her sleeve, peering down at it.

“Because after everything, Matty,” She breathed, voice soft even in the quiet of the kitchen, “I know that I love you and I don’t want to lose what we have left here. I don’t want that ruined.”

Matty’s mouth worked itself into a small smile as his eyes dragged between her own, trailing over the short scar that crossed the bridge of her nose, remembering the night she’d teared up when he’d reached out to caress it.

“I’d rather be ruined by you than not have you at all, Mouse.”

She blew air from out of her nose in a soundless chuckle, cheeks rounding around an amused grin for the briefest of seconds before her eyes skittered away from him again. “That meant to be all poetic?”

He gave her a curt nod and then just grinned, legs fanned out before him. “In the job description. Musician, remember?”

“Oh, do I.” She quipped back just as sarkily, leaning against the counter as she continued to watch him from under dark lashes. Matty reckoned he’d let her shove him under a microscope if it got her to let him stick around. If only for a while longer.

A silence passed between them.

“I love you.” Matty murmured, so sure of that fact, “That much I know. But I won’t ask you for anything more than I already have, you make the choice. You can hold the cards. And whatever you decide, I’ll accept.”

Her face hardened a fraction, as though she were steeling herself for an argument or something other. Hiding how underprepared she’d been for his words perhaps. Matty only hoped that she’d heard the truth in them.

“No fight? You’ll just accept it and leave?”

Matty didn’t dare blink but dipped his head in slight acknowledgement. “If that’s what you want.”

The woman before him just continued to stare him down and for once, Matty couldn’t read her face. Had no idea what the hell she might’ve been thinking. Or feeling. Or what plans she was currently devising in that clever head of hers.

“Okay.”

It took all of his sheer effort not to react to that one simple word, even though she had practically just gone and ripped his fucking heart out of his chest.

Actually, he supposed that was another lie he’d told. She’d done that months ago, on the day they’d met and went and ruined him for good.

I’d rather be ruined by you.

It’s what he’d said.

He couldn’t go back on it now.

“Okay.” He answered her, voice just barely above a whisper that he wasn’t sure she heard over the squeaking of his chair legs.

And then he was standing in her kitchen for what he supposed would be the last time. He saw her grip the edge of the counter, knuckles whitening, gaze unstraying, but she didn’t say another word.

They stared at one another for what felt like the longest minute on Earth and Matty could practically feel the ground shifting beneath the soles of his feet as he realised that now everything would really change.

His breath caught, the thought hitting him like a shit ton of bricks and he knew then that he had to leave before he broke down and took it all back. Before he was a fucking mess of a man on her kitchen floor.

He turned on his heel and made for the door.

“Where’re you going?”

Matty froze, entirely rooted to the floor.

He continued to stare resolutely ahead, scared to move in case she had changed her mind. In case she was saying what he thought she was.

“Your tea’s gonna go cold… and I thought you could pick Teds up with me later.” She was going for nonchalant, aiming and almost hitting, but she missed the mark by just a hair. “He was with Ads yesterday, you know, and she dropped him off at nursery this morning for me. Just figured.”

Matty pivoted on his heel, slow going and hardly daring to steal a breath as he did, before he was looking straight at her. At the way her teeth had sunk into her lower lip, the careful sheen her eyes had taken on, and then the singular strand of hair which had fallen from behind her ear. He was across the room and on her in a second.

Firm hands held her face, thumbs guarding either cheek as he bored everything he couldn’t seem to say into the next look he gave to her. Wanting her to see it all. To know, or simply understand.

“You’re gonna kill me.”

She laughed.

“Wanna bet…” Her words trailed off into a heavy breath and Matty could feel the strength of his grin as he leaned in close, nose bumping against hers, his eyes flickering over the entirety of her face, attempting to take her in all at once.

There was buzzing under his skin, he could feel it in the tips of his fingers, all the way down to his toes, and heard the way it hummed throughout his chest.

It was then that he realised he couldn’t see an end without her in it.

He wanted everything with this woman.

Everything.

And that should’ve been the most terrifying thought.

Because once he had believed he would never see the end of sixteen, puking into the bushes outside his bedroom window and not having the strength to make it that extra mile. To let mum know that he was alright.

Then it had been nineteen, that first real stint in hospital. He’d been scared to shit and alone, the darkness hiding all the groans and upset of the other patients with real issues.

But nineteen had come and gone, so then he figured twenty-one. Maybe twenty-two? Definitely twenty-five… Had to be.

Twenty-eight had been both the end and the beginning for him.

But even without everything that had been holding him back after that, the drugs, the people, the money. After he’d gotten clean– proper clean– he’d never really thought far enough ahead.

To a point where he might feel settled or want to start building a place for himself in the world. A real place, one amongst family and friends, not just amongst admiration and music– as much as it had helped shape him.

He’d never once pictured this. A person.

Girlfriends? Yeah. Flings and one night stands? Sure. But a person that would be his. Completely. That he could share half of himself with?

No, he couldn’t say that he’d ever seen that coming, that something like this would have one day been in the cards for him.

And Matty wanted so badly to sink his claws in and cling on for as long as he possibly could, for as long as she’d be willing, and then even more so. Until somebody else came along and inevitably unhooked him. But he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t dare. Because this was too perfect to go and destroy like that.

He’d always claimed to be a selfish man, but in this regard, all the love he had worth giving would be spent on her. On the days they’d spend together. On meals and dates. On flowers and apologies for when he eventually messed up again, because he knew himself too well to deny that fact. He’d spend it on giving her security, on rebuilding her trust. He’d spend it on her son. On the little boy he’d become so besotted by.

And if it ruined him, if it killed him? He reckoned he’d be okay with that.

He’d be content. Finally having something to be proud of.

“What are you waiting for?”

Matty eyes tracked the length of her face, fingers tangled in her hair whilst his thumbs pressed into the grooves of her temples. What was he waiting for?

As soon as he thought it, Matty was pressing against her once more, stealing all the breath from her lungs in his haste to answer her.

It was slow, the kiss; soft in the way his lips captured hers for only a few seconds before he was pulling away again, hands shaking where he still cupped her cheeks.

He wanted to make sure that this was what she wanted, but he could see it in her face, that surety, the warmth. And he wouldn’t question that, maybe in some regards he’d be willing to give her anything, but here and now, with this, with wanting her, he would as selfish as he fucking could be. He’d take all that she would give him.

The next kiss was full and deep– urgent.

Matty’s tongue slid into her mouth, hands falling aimlessly away from her face to whatever part of her he could touch, feeling no ounce of remorse over it seeing as she was on the exact same journey, her fingers winding their way up and over every inch of him.

She kissed back with just as much force, colliding with him in a way that almost felt tortured, as though trying to make up for all the time they had wasted. Not just over the past few days, but the weeks and months they’d spent dancing around one another, pushing and pulling. Despairing this game of tug of war they had started.

It ended here.

Matty continued to lean up into her, pressing her into the counter as she clawed at the hoodie he wore. Matty felt her nails catch on the skin of his back, whilst he wrapped his arms around her hips.

“Baby,” He whispered breathlessly and then moaned when her mouth closed around his bottom lip, teeth grazing against the flesh before they then bit down. She rocked into him and Matty swore his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

He reached up a hand to cup the back of her neck so that he could mouth his way across her jaw and down her collar, favouring the skin just beneath her ear. “Need you.”

It was both an admission and a plea.

And then she was grabbing at his face too, forcing his mouth back up to meet hers, breath sweeping over the cut of his jaw. She tangled her fingers in his curls and Matty had the barest second to register that he was actually staying. That she was letting him back in.

His body jolted forward on impulse, arms snaking their way around her waist to splay out over her lower back, pulling her that much closer. Her hold tightened too, hand moving down his neck, thumb pressing lightly against the pulse point there.

Matty stepped nearer and she welcomed him in, legs parting to let him step between them, kiss turning hungrier as she arched her back up and away from the countertop. He wanted all of her.

She let go of his hair to press in harder, pulling back only so that she could lick his mouth back open and drive her tongue inside. She murmured his name against his lips, once, twice. And then Matty’s hand was between the blades of her shoulders and holding fast. He moved, spinning them outwards, over towards the kitchen door.

She let out a sharp sound that was half gasp and half moan, but all love and desire when they knocked into the arm of the sofa in the living-room and fell back against the soft cushions.

When they broke apart it was only out of necessity, the need to catch back the breath that had been forced out of them on their tumble down. They shared an airy chuckle.

Then he watched on as she stretched out further up the settee, fingers caught on his wrist so that she could tug him along with her. Their hips aligned as Matty crowded her again, elbow digging into the chair's arm to hold him up above her. He hovered there, their faces and foreheads pressed together, noses lined up side by side. Matty wished to savour every detail of her.

He kissed her again, slower, softer. His lips moved against hers so gently that it was almost reverent, worship-like, and she matched him toe for toe, pouring her whole soul into it, gifting him all the sweetness that she possibly could.

Matty prayed to whoever might’ve been listening that he could have this.

He supposed someone must’ve heard him because she said, “Stay,” in this careless whisper, in a tone that was more breath than anything else. And his heart stopped.

And then he was nodding. Almost frantically.

He kissed her, the tip of his nose brushing the underneath of hers as he lifted his head to nod one more time. “Long as you’ll let me.”

She whimpered and he groaned, forehead pushing against hers once more as she lifted her hips up to meet his.

Then they were both lunging for clothes in the same instant, nearly laughing at their clumsy eagerness to get undressed, the sofa being of no help.

Matty pushed back to sit up for a moment, luring her up gently with him so that he could slide her shirt off over her head. She returned the favour, letting him trail a finger over the curve of her shoulder and down her arm once they were done before she was on her back once more.

“So beautiful.” He felt the need to whisper, even though there was no one else around to hear it. She glanced away.

Matty wouldn’t have that though, a careful hand coming up to coax her eyes back to him, hoping that she would hear the sincerity in his words. She was the best thing he’d ever seen, no matter the time of day. No matter how horrible she felt. He’d never been so enamoured by another person, or so utterly lost in his desperate need to make it known.

His thumb caught on the corner of her mouth and he smiled. “I meant it.” He assured her and felt her shiver beneath him as his words fanned the skin of her cheek, “Beautiful.”

She swallowed thickly, he saw the bob of her throat before he slid his palms down her sides to unhook her bra, dropping it off to the side so that he could mouth along the length of her torso.

He continued to murmur, tone so full of admiration as he attempted to press the words into her skin, hoping that this way they would somehow sink in.

By the time he reached the hem of her trousers she was writhing beneath him, eyes pleading, so Matty made quick work of ridding them, allowing himself to look her over for just a second. She truly was beautiful.

“Matty,” The sound of his name forced his eyes back up and he was thrown by the dazzling smile she then wore. She took one of his hands in hers, linking their fingers, “I don't have all day, baby.”

He merely shook his head and laughed, figuring that she must’ve seen the many emotions that played out across his face afterwards because she tightened her hold on his hand and motioned him closer so that she could kiss him again.

He took her there on the settee. Worked her over slow and hard, his gaze only ever wavering when they slipped shut or he buried his face alongside the skin of her neck. His hands wandered whilst hers clung tight, leaving him marked and gasping. She murmured the whole while, legs wrapped around his middle to keep him as close as she possibly could, so that he could drive that bit deeper. Matty had never heard her so vocal, just muttering on and on, only ever stopping to cry out or jolt. But even then her words would either come out all warped or in a sharp shout. It only proved to spur him on though, fingers digging in and bruising the soft sides of her hips and thighs.

He could hardly think, listening to her pleads and commands. Such a demanding little thing.

The heels of her feet dug into his flesh as her arms wrapped themselves around his shoulders, holding on, sinking her nails into his skin deep enough to have him hissing. He didn’t dare tell her to let up, just attempted to pick up his pace, hand falling away from the crease of her thigh to drag along her folds, needing her to let go before he could.

“Close?”

He was met with a choked gasp: “Yeah.” Followed by a cascade of assent, breath wetting the cut of his jaw as her hands jumped up to curl themselves along his shoulders.

Matt felt himself nod, but was hardly even aware of it, gaze trained on her face, the watering of her eyes, the pink swell of her lips. “So good for me. Don’t deserve you.”

His words just made her strengthen her already too tight hold and then she was writhing beneath him, tear sliding down the side of her face just as her head tilted far back against the cushions and she moaned.

He wasn’t far behind her, but she continued to work her hips to the best of her ability whilst his thrusts became more and more desperate. He only noticed that he was clenching his teeth when her fingers came up to thread through his hair, slackening the muscles there in his face just as his head fell forward, hovering a centimetre or two above the dip in her collar.

Matty felt lips press against the side of his head, soft but there. “I love you.” She said, and he couldn’t even respond, lost in the sensations that overwhelmed him as he jolted forward, every muscle in his legs tensing as his eyes slammed close.

His breathing was harsh and laboured when he finally managed to pull out, falling into the little space she created for him on the side of the sofa. He draped an arm over her middle, not giving much thought to the damp sheen on their skin or the mess between her thighs. They could have this for a little while longer.

Matty hid a smile, nosing along her shoulder as he better settled into his position before he kissed the sweet skin there. Her back was to him now, him wrapped up around her body, their legs entangled, and he thought back to those few words of hers.

Back to that night she’d first said them.

To when she had last said them.

He started to trail a finger over her side, up and then down before he decided to trace each letter one by one. He heard her huff a laugh when she finally caught on, but he pressed on, writing more.

When she patted his hand and shifted, he frowned, wondering if he’d pushed too far, too quickly, even though she’d been the one to say it first. But she just rolled around to face him and grinned at the face he must’ve worn.

“You’re an idiot.”

His brow pinched but he still felt himself smile, “What?”

She laughed all lovelylike and he blinked at the sweetness of it, wondering when he’d gotten so used to hearing such a pretty fucking sound.

He poked at her side, prodding, “Go on, tell me.”

With a fond roll of her eyes, Matty watched the stretch of her smile soften before he stilled slightly at her slow touch, the drag of her finger which trailed over his stubbled cheek. “Just such a you thing to do.” She teased him quietly, fingertip reaching up to skim over the bridge of his nose and then his eyelids.

Matty shrugged, narrowing his eyes a tad but unable to truly hide the small smirk he was wearing. He moved his hand back to her hip, tracing another word that had her huffing and shaking her head in sudden exasperation. Then another. And another.

Her eyes were wide when he chanced a glance up at her and she swallowed at the earnest expression he gifted her. “I mean it.” He whispered into the tiny slot of space that rested between their heads.

He watched as her stare tracked along his face, flicking from one eye to the other. “How can you be so sure?”

Matty shrugged the shoulder that wasn’t pressed up against the settee, a small smile dancing on his mouth. “Never been sure of much, but I know this.”

She quirked an eyebrow, “This your way of askin’?”

Chuckling lightly, he shook his head in turn. “Nah, gotta think of something good. Big.” He grinned at the snort she gave, but continued on anyway, fingers simply brushing against her hip now, “Figure we need time to get there again, sort through this mess.”

“Again?”

Matty hummed, thinking back to the bout of songs he’d been working on over the last few months, to the days G had smirked and asked about some of the lyrics he’d written down. “Been playing on my mind.”

There was a small curve to her brow now, an almost frown but not, Matty knew her well enough to know that she was just a little thrown by his answer.

“How long?”

Her whispered ask had him thinking, but he couldn’t really give her an exact time span. He’d hardly even realised it himself. “I don’t know, but for a while.”

She breathed out a quiet little laugh, eyes darting between his own once more, “So one day then?”

Matty hummed happily, face breaking into a slow going grin as one of his hands came up to cup her face, thumb soothing her cheek. “One day, Squeaks,” He murmured to her, “I’m gonna marry the shit out of you.”

Her cheek warmed beneath his touch but she laughed, shaking her head ever so slightly whilst her eyes looked down before shooting right back up again. “You’re gonna regret that.”

Wrinkling his nose a tad and curling his upper lip, Matty just shook his head, “Nah, don’t reckon so.”

“You say that,” She all but sang before she was kicking up a storm in his hold, quickly trying to get away from the hand that had come up to run a rhythm down her side, tickling her into shutting that daft mouth of hers.

“Yeah, I do fuckin’ say.” Matty chuckled, grinning madly as he continued to grab at her, teasing her bare skin with his tormenting touch. It was with that in which Mouse went sailing, rolling away from him in an attempt to escape, and dragging Matty with, him still so caught up in her that the pair of them went tumbling to the living-room floor.

Matty felt as though all the air in his lungs had been kicked from his chest once the world had stopped spinning and finally righted itself. He realised all too quickly what had happened, a heap of hair splayed over his face as he spluttered.

“Fuck.” He managed to drag out, forcing a huffy laugh from his chest.

He watched on as she struggled for a second, him having cushioned her fall, and she pushed up onto her palms so that she could glare down at him, not entirely unhappy. Matty snorted and raised his arms in defence.

“Don’t blame me.”

If it was at all possible, her eyes cut sharper. “The fuck I won’t! Why’d you start tickling me?”

“Because you never know when to shut up!” Matty laughed, wheezing a little as he did and bending a knee so that he could plant one foot firmly on the floor, his hand rested on his chest.

She just rolled her eyes though as she battled to sit up, spine curving once she had. Matty reached out to trail the length of it, pulse jumping at the shiver he watched run through her.

“How’d we even go from you being such a sap to us on the floor?” Mouse huffed, reaching up to grab at a throw that had been resting on the nearby armchair. Matty watched through a lazy gaze as she bundled it into an oddly shaped ball of sorts before turning back to him. “Fucking all sticky now too.”

He smiled stupidly, folding his hands behind his head, unashamed as he was, to better protect it from the hardwood floors.

She stood with a roll of her eyes, on unsteady legs mind– something Matty felt all too pleased with– and caught sight of his smirk, and before he could even see it coming the bundled blanket was being thrown at his head. He yelped girlishly and floundered to shield himself from it but it still managed to catch the side of his face with just enough force.

He listened to her hearty laugh as he tossed the thing back at her legs, frowning when it missed and her footsteps began to trail away. “Oi, where do you think you’re goin’?”

“To shower!” She called out from over her shoulder just before she could disappear through the doorway, “Again!”

Matty huffed a small snicker to himself and resorted to simply staring up at the ceiling whilst he waited, but before he could get too comfortable there she was calling out to him again.

“So you coming or what, Healy?”

And fuck if that didn’t have him scrambling up off of the floor to join her. He smiled when she merely laughed at the eager sight of him rounding the hallway and he found himself wondering how the fuck he’d managed this as she turned on the tap and pulled him under the water with her.

He must’ve seemed a little out of it though because she was tilting her head at him when he peered over at her, her hands at his hips. “You good?”

Matty hummed quietly, dipping his head to kiss her once more because he could. “Yeah, just happy.”

And wasn’t that a thought. Him happy.

Mouse grinned at him, eyes lighting up with it as he stepped on closer. Her hold tightened, “Me too.”

Me too.

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msbigredmachine · 19 hours

Text

New To This - Chapter 7

MASTERLIST

Parking her bike next to the sidewalk, Delilah pulled out her phone and dialed his number via the FaceTime app. She couldn’t help but smile a little when his bearded face popped up on her screen, a hoodie over his head and sunglasses covering his eyes. He had to be out in public which explained the attempted disguise.

“Ayyyy, wassup baby girl?” Josh smiled brightly at her through the phone. “I was just about to call y-”

“Are you back in town?” she asked.

“Yeah, got back last night. Why? Ya miss me?” he teased.

“Can you meet me? I need y-...need to talk to you.”

His brows furrowed with concern. “Ay, you good?”

She didn’t mean to sound impatient but she craved his presence right now. “I’m headed to President’s Park. Can you meet me there?”

“Yeah, let me finish up with grocery shopping. I’ll be there in twenty.”

“Okay.” Twenty wasn’t too bad. There wouldn’t be too much time to wrangle with her angry thoughts, which seemed to be the only thoughts she harbored lately thanks to her infuriating fiancé.

Josh pulled up in a Cadillac Escalade. His car collection was the stuff of dreams. WWE was definitely paying him well. When he stepped out, she found her heart racing a little bit. Man, he looked really good. Only he could make a simple tank top and joggers look fire. “Nice ride,” she greeted, ensuring her hug was strictly sideways. If he noticed, he said nothing. Thank goodness.

“Nice bike, ah-yeet!” he quipped back, making her laugh. He opened up the back of the truck and pulled out a bag filled with groceries. “I brought snacks,” he offered, bringing out a bottle of beer and handing it to her, helping her inside the back of his spacious trunk.

“Thanks.” They sat shoulder to shoulder, basking in the quiet of the empty parking lot overlooking the vast park. Delilah was reminded of all the tailgate parties from back in high school, all of which had involved Andre, when things had been so much less complicated.

Inwardly, Josh admitted that he missed Delilah. This was their first face-to-face meeting in two months thanks to his constant traveling, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t look forward to her phone calls and FaceTime chats, answering her whenever he could. Her enthusiasm was infectious and he was glad to be there for her when she needed him.

“So…you wanna tell me what’s goin’ on?” He finally broke the silence, looking her way. “Cuz you do not look fine.” He paused, smiling cheekily at her. “I mean, you fine, but-”

“Stop.” Rolling her eyes good-naturedly, she presented him with the letter that had caused all this chaos. She told him what happened, leaving out the condom part of course. It should have been weird talking to him about her personal life, but they’d been conversing for a few months now and he always seemed happy to let her talk his ear off about wrestling and more. Having the guidance of a man of his influence was exactly what she needed to help her stay positive about her new career shift.

“So long story short, you keep expectin’ him to come around and he ain’t?" Josh asked, knowing the emotions she was dealing with all too well.

Delilah shook her head, tossing a macadamia nut into her mouth. “No, and I’m tired! I swear to God I just wanna throttle his ass sometimes,” she griped, “Or hit him with a Spear or something. Drive my shoulder right into his gut, ya know?”

"Why you still with him, then?" Josh said pointedly, almost regretting the eagerness in his tone when she cast a questioning glance at him. He played it off with a shrug of his tattooed shoulders. "I mean, if he’s so unsupportive, why put up with his ass? Why not just leave?"

Because it was unfathomable to her. Despite the fact that she complained about him almost constantly these days, she never considered leaving him. At least not seriously. But the offer from WWE had compelled her, for the first time since embarking on this journey, to understand that choosing her career could possibly mean leaving Andre behind. She felt he was starting to realize it too and didn’t know how to handle it.

Swinging her legs absently underneath her, she shielded her eyes against the sun. "He wasn’t always like this," she defended her man. Which was the truth. It hurt that things had changed so much.

Josh stared at the woman next to him. She was twenty-four years old, which was way too young to be worrying over a miserable relationship in which she wasn’t even married yet. "How long have y’all been together?" he asked, pretending that he cared.

"Since I was fifteen, so nine years," she answered. "Engaged for almost two years now."

Josh swallowed another long gulp of his beer. "Why you wanna get married?"

Delilah thought about her answer. Because it was the logical next step for any woman to take, according to her mother and aunties at least. Because it was the easy choice. “Because I love Andre and I wanna be his wife," she finally said, shrugging her shoulders and staring at the crisp Jordans on Josh’s feet. She understood that her reasoning was naive, but at the time she accepted Andre’s proposal, she was young and bright-eyed and believed in fairytales.

"Why you wanna be a wrestler?" Josh asked next.

She didn’t have to think too hard. "For years, I wondered if I could cut it. My late dad and I watched Raw every Monday night.” She smiled at the memories. She missed him. She could have done with his advice right now. “My friends at school were obsessed. There was no Tuesday when we weren’t talking about it. Because I was so athletic, I had the best chance out of all of us to make it if we really wanted to. I took one step further because I had to know for certain."

Josh nodded slowly, processing the information she had just given him. "Well, the higher-ups think you got somethin’," he gestured with the letter in his hand. "So whatchu gon’ do about it?"

Delilah snatched the letter back and rolled her eyes at his question. “Um, that’s why you’re here, you’re supposed to tell me.”

“Advise you? Yeah. Tell you what to do? Naw,” he clarified, leaning back in his seated position to observe her. “No matter what I say, the decision is ultimately up to you, which is something you gotta seriously think about when WWE hires you. What Tank say?”

“He’s waiting for my decision on the flight tickets.”

“Meaning he’s on board. So that leaves Andre.”

Shaking her head slowly, Delilah stared at her hands, using the brightness of the sun as an excuse to avoid his gaze while she fought to keep her composure. "To be fair," she whispered, "I'm asking him to drop everything for me."

Tossing his empty beer bottle into a bag of trash on the ground in front of them, he reached across her lap to grab the bag of trail mix. It would have been easier to ask her to pass it, but for some weird reason he wanted to get a little closer to her. "If it were the other way around, would you do the same for him?" he asked.

It really shouldn’t have been this easy baring her soul to Josh, but it was. For some absurd reason, she felt that she could trust him. "Yes, I would. At least that would have been my answer before I started training," she confessed. "Part of the reason Andre let me enroll in Tank’s school was because he thought I would get it out of my system. And I knew that. I knew that he wasn't expecting it to become what it is now.” She swallowed, tears stubbornly piercing through the corners of her eyes. “You shoulda seen the look on his face when he opened that letter. It was like I unleashed some kind of hell that we could never return from. Like I ruined his life. Maybe I have.”

The complete lack of support from her future husband, to the point that she was doubting herself, made the Samoan angrier than he should have been. Her relationship was none of his business, but since getting to know her, he felt like Delilah Parrish had now become his business. He wanted to protect her, encourage her, make sure that she realized her full potential. And if her fiancé was the problem, then that was a problem for Josh.

Wanting to shift some of the focus off of herself, Delilah cleared her throat and looked at the big man with wide apprehensive eyes. "Please be honest with me, Josh. This whole wrestling thing…is it worth it? Is it worth sacrificing everything I know? Should I rip up that letter and return to the stability of a normal life?"

Pursing his lips, Josh rolled his shoulders. In his opinion, she was not ready to hear the truth. And as open as she had been with him, he wasn't exactly ready to reciprocate. But he did owe her a candid response. And judging from the way her fists gripped the edges of her seat, she was expecting nothing less from him. She was looking to him for answers that nobody else could really give her, and he wanted to be the one she could lean on.

"For me, it was," he admitted. It was his turn to gaze at his palms. "I know the hell I went through to get to where I was in the business before I got married. I worked too fuckin’ hard for too many years to watch it go down the drain. Especially to be with someone who wanted me to give it all up."

Delilah wasn’t sure why her heart sank, but it did. “So you are married.”

“Separated,” he corrected, “The longer I was away from home, the more our marriage suffered. We tried to make it work for our sons, but it wasn’t happening. This business takes a lot outta you, uce. You gotta figure out for yourself if the sacrifices are all worth it.”

Delilah expelled a long breath and placed a comforting hand on his bicep. "I’m sorry," was all she could say.

Acutely aware of her touch, Josh struggled to reconstruct the wall he had built around his private life. He didn't like letting people in, and the fact that he’d easily done so just now, unsettled him. "But that's me though. Don't let my decisions affect yours," he added quickly, scooting out of the truck and landing on his feet, breathing in the outdoor air. He turned to face her fully, smoothing his hands over his pants. "Go to Orlando. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. Even if nothing comes out of it, it’s an experience you’ll carry with you forever."

Suddenly overwhelmed, all Delilah could do was nod, wrapping her arms protectively around herself. So many thoughts were running through her mind like a malfunctioning treadmill. Making the mchoice seemed so simple before, but now she was more torn than ever.

Josh saw right through her trepidation. "Hey, come here," he said, stepping between her open legs to wrap her up in a warm embrace. It was a bold move on his part, and he waited to be pushed away but it didn’t happen. He heard her soft sigh, felt her chin on his shoulder and her arms tighten around his back. Fighting the urge to dip his face into the crook of her neck, he held her loosely, one hand resting just above the curve of her backside.

"I been watching, baby girl,” he whispered in her ear. “You got so much potential, a chance to be great in this business. Plus, you sexy as fuck," he added, chuckling when she smacked his arm. “Homie, I’m engaged. To another man. You cannot be saying stuff like that to me,” she warned.

He merely shrugged. “Just cuz you engaged don’t make it any less true.” When she gazed up at him, he caressed her chin with his fingers. "All I’m saying is, the only thing holding you back right now, Delilah, is you."

This was way too intimate. Her skin prickled from his touch, both on her chin and on the small of her back. Her loins tingled from the lustful twinkle in his eyes, the drag of his teeth over his bottom lip. The erotic fantasies she'd been keeping at bay for months resurfaced, causing her heart to pound. He was getting too close. She had to stop it before she went too far, before she did something she couldn't take back. Gently but deliberately, she peeled herself out of his grasp and made a point of snatching the bag of trail mix to keep her hands busy. Thankfully, Josh read the room and took a step back, tucking his hands into the pockets of his joggers. She was grateful for the space.

"So what’s it gonna be?" he inquired, “To go or not to go?”

Delilah chewed pensively as she pondered her decision. It was safe to say that she was convinced to take this chance she may never get again. With a shrug, she looked him in the eye, hers glinting with steely determination.

“Yeah,” she said. “I think I’ll go.”

-----------------

Thoughts?

Credit to the owners of the pics and gifs.

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mallylorelaimorningstar · 3 days

Text

MC cheering up Lucifer from his common everyday frustrations~!

Lucifer

Lucifer had been having a very bad day. He'd been stuck dealing with meeting after meeting and it didn't help that Diavolo had pushed at least four stacks of paperwork onto him. His brothers had been driving wild, on top of Mammon's debt bills, Leviathan's Akuzon receipts, and the bills he was being sent for the grocery stores because of Beel, he was having a bad day and would explode at any moment.

Lucifer sat unkempt in his office, his hair disheveled, his best undone but not off, his coat laying on the floor, his tie loose around his neck and his gloves were off. He worked tirelessly on the paperwork he'd been given.

MC gently knocked on the door to Lucifer's office, she could sense he was stressed and she wanted to help him in some way, so... She brought him some coffee. She opened the door after knocking and peeked her head in. "Lucifer? Can I come in?"

Lucifer barely looked up from his work as MC peeked her head in. "MC, Dear.... I don't have time to talk right now. I'm busy and I need some space. I'm not in control of my emotions at the moment."

MC frowns as she notices just how disheveled Lucifer was. She walked in and sat the coffee on Lucifer's desk. "Would you like some help with all of this paperwork? It looks like a lot...."

Lucifer sighs in frustration, his patience was running thin already and even though he knew MC was just trying to help, he wasn't in the mood. "No MC.... I appreciate you coming to bring me the coffee but I really need to focus on this work. My patience is waning and my emotional distress is at an all time high, I would prefer you weren't in here when I inevitably explode."

MC only frowned again. She promptly walked behind Lucifer and pulled his chair away from his desk.

Lucifer, becoming confused and even more agitated, his growled in frustration. "MC.... What are you doing?"

MC pulls Lucifer away from his desk. "Youre not doing so well Lucifer. Youre working too much and you're frustrated." MC gasps as she gets an idea. "You need a hug!!!" She says before practically yeeting Lucifer onto the couch and pouncing on him to hug him tight.

Lucifer sighs as he lays there helplessly. He didn't have the energy to force MC off. After a few moments he speaks. "Can you let me get back to work now?"

MC looks up at his tired face. "Do you feel better?"

Lucifer frowns and rolls his eyes as he then looks down at MC's cute and concerned face. "No. But, I--"

Mc smiles and shakes her head, hugging Lucifer tighter in the process. "Then it hasn't kicked in yet! So shush! You're not going back to work until you take care of yourself properly."

Lucifer sighs loudly and just lies there, letting MC practically crush him with her hug. He couldn't help but start to feel a little grateful. Grateful for the fact that MC cared so much for his well-being, even if his pride wouldn't allow him to admit it. He'd noticed that after awhile, MC had fallen asleep on his chest. He couldn't stop the prideful smile that adorned his face. He just resigned himself to snuggling with MC, eventually falling asleep himself. Contentment washed over him as he relaxed with his favorite human.

#obey me #om! mc #om! lucifer #lucifer #lucifer x mc #obey me fluff #lucifer obey me #mc obey me #tooth rotting fluff #sweet mc #cuddling & snuggling

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forestshadow-wolf · 3 days

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do you have any roach fic recs... any ship, any plot, any length, i literally have no preferences other than /roach/ i need more roach centric fics in my life....

I DO!

but first you should check out this post from @/boxofthings they have quite a few Roach centric fic recommendations. however it has been about six-ish months since then so I'll just add ones from recently

"you are a memory" by withyourrythm

"It takes 8 days of nursing an infected gunshot wound at his thigh, of trying to keep Roach breathing through the nights, before Ghost realizes that there is no help coming. Then, it’s time to move on."

"Roaching Around" by KDFoxbug

"Roach is captured by the enemy and becomes buggier"

"GhostRoach teehee :3" series by ghostroacharemybabies

Filled with a bunch of little stories I wrote of GhostRoach. Some sad, some happy. It’s just a mix of a bunch of emotions.

"Candy shop" by littlehorusaximand

roach is down bad for his lieutenant and his captain, and they accidentally find out.

"serendipity" by bravo six going queer (cornerdreams)

Roach gets back from a mission involving ice shelves, a compromising of his captain, and a harrowing snowmobile chase. Ghost is just happy he came back home safe. Both of them do a little reflecting.

"Just one kiss" by grechka_zhest

“Hey, L.T. ,” Roach muttered, licking the spoon and wincing right after at the taste of metal and canned meat, if it can even be called one, on his tongue. "Hm?", the lieutenant’s voice was tired and quiet, like Roach's own. It's nothing new. The sergeant quickly licked his dry lips, covered in small cuts. "Ever kissed before?", Sanderson asked with a grin in his voice. He himself doesn’t know whether this was supposed to be a joke or an insult. But behind the malicious grin there was a lively interest. Ghost chuckled, placing the now empty can on the ground, next to the sole of his boots.

"Memento Mori" by Anonymous

Roach got his callsign from being an unkillable insect with very little self preservation instinct. Unfortunately the rest of the team can be a little like that too, to the detriment of each other.

"How (not) to ask someone to marry you" by kkyso

Gaz needed to find a quick way to propose to Roach, but all his ideas seemed to go wrong. Until Soap has the brilliant and absurd idea at the same time, Making Gaz rethink the whole plan.

"These Bones Are Broken" by fixfoxnox

Roach nearly loses someone and it results in a momentary break in his carefully constructed mask.

"Two sergeants, one lieutenant" by Roach_Simp

Gaz, Ghost, Price, Soap and Roach go on a mission to get intel, finds out the mission was a set up then Roach gets kidnapped and tortured before they find him and then Roach, Ghost and Soap cuddle before it turns into spice. :3

"Roach" by MorningGlory30

"I promise I'll come back in once piece." After the death of his father, Gary "Roach" Sanderson thought that he should join the military just like his dad. He never really gave it much thought and as a seven year old, it never meant much to him. As he grew older, he came to like the idea of joining the military--of doing something better for his country than just being another rugby player. He joined as soon as he graduated and had worked hard in the SAS to be picked for an elite group of soldiers. Serving under Captain John Price and Captain "Soap" MacTavish wasn't the easiest thing to do because of how high the expectations were but it was something that he could handle. Even in the toughest times, Roach knew he could make it out of any dangerous situation and keep the promise that he made to his older brother.

"Raindrops" by TheCalmCreature

Gary doesn't seem to be fine after a mission. Simon checks up on him. written for the prompt: "[GhostRoach] Maybe they tend to each others injuries after a mission or they just need to make sure the other is ok? a happy/comfort ending”

"FNG... or something..." by KairaKara101

Gary knew those dreams were something strange yet it filled an empty part of his soul. There was something off about him. A bad luck charm perhaps? Gary really wished he knew why he was always the FNG. This time... being the FNG sucked. But past (?) collides with present. Once an ODST always an ODST. And you know what those ODST always said? Are you prepared to drop? Feet first into hell, troopers.

"Thorns in my lungs, petals on my tongue" by MossTimeBaby

the Roach Hanahaki fic that I was desperate to read

"Roaches Can't Die" by pinboardscarecrow

Ghost and Roach are betrayed by General Shepard; shot and killed by their own leader. But moments later, Roach wakes up back in the forest outside Makarov's safe house. Can he change his and Ghost's fates?

"is it really better to have loved and lost?" by MossTimeBaby

When Ghost has to fake his death to go deep undercover, Roach is left behind to pick up the pieces of himself.

"Two Sides of The Same Coin" by Vityed

It was Gary's first Christmas with Task Force 141, seeing as he had only joined the team six months earlier. As such, he had no idea what to expect. He just hoped it would be a good time to get to know everyone. Everything was perfect and ready. A Christmas tree decorated with tinsel, baubles and twinkling lights, and topped with a shining star, and plenty of alcohol to go around. What could possibly go wrong?

"Dear to you" by vani_tas_talk

messy university roommates breakup AU, starts as Roach/Soap/Ghost, endgame Roach/König

"If We Crash (I Hope We Do)" by mintyiecat

Simon and Gary live, and fall into a steady sort of companionship. Gary starts wondering (dramatically) what they are exactly. “How do you do that?” Simon scowls. “Swear to God it always jams.” ‘Magic fingers,’ Gary signs, and wiggles his.

#lovely ask #anon ask #el recs #el rambles #gary sanderson #gary roach sanderson #roach cod #roach call of duty #fic recs #fanfiction #ao3 #archive of our own

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crvstybowlofcereal · 7 months

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Ok.. so. I spent all day dying that fur. I spent 7. Fucking. Hours. Dying that fur.

It looked perfect. Like seriously, couldn't be better. And then I washed it because I knew getting it wet would make it run otherwise, and I dont want to ruin the final head when washing it post-wear.

And it's. Literally gray. I'm so fucking disappointed. I cried about it and decided my only options are to do the character in gray (not happening) or to scrap the idea of making my fursona and make something else entirely.

So I guess that's what I'm doing. I'm not happy about it at all. I'm still incredibly upset. But I guess that's just how it has to be.

#it just feels like nothing goes ever goes how i want it to #maybe thats just life but i dont want to imagine life that way.#i dont think my goals were unrealistic. use purple dye>>grt purple fabric.#instead i got bubblegum pink. ok mix colors and fix it. it took all day and im worried i wojt have time to sew but yay the color is right!#i would have settled for “good enough!” surprise its not even remotley close now.#i just.#my emotions are too high to be doing this right now

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