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#mutuals: i am okay. well....im not. but I am SAFE.
holts-knees · 8 months
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I am so incredibly tired of watching capitalism turn people I trusted into twisted monstrous versions of themselves.
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alphabetboyluvr · 8 months
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HUSH | MYG - ONE
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pairing: rockstar!yoongi x female reader | mutual disdain - lovers (but also strangers - lovers? kinda?)
premise: in which you work for your brothers band by day and accidentally anonymously sext his bandmate on the regular by night! whoops !!
wc: 17.5k
for more details, pls see the master list (x)
hush is written in two formats: messaging transcripts and my regular writing style
warnings: we're sexting, straight off the bat!! love that for our hush couple!! allusions to sending nudes, mentions of blueballing lmao, sex toys, general masturbation malarky, mentions of ass play <33, they video call during finales (back camera only!!!), yoongi has a massive cock, like im talking humongous, so BIG (and factually accurate!!) they're switchy aka he tries dom and she's too much of a brat that he folds, he is whiney and needy and obsessed, and she enjoys that! you get to fill in the gaps as if you're really sexting him, lucky you <33 there's also exactly (1) near foot job, a needy jk, (1) banana milk mention, a playfight, miscommunication, a mysterious night that will never be mentioned in conversation. oh yeah and yoongi and you don't realise you're sexting one another ! oops!!!! yoongi is uncircumcised cause ik some people care about that?? just my preference when writing, imagine what u like! no *actual* smut in this one... just... much sexting!
before you read: please read these for a little context on the story - the app (x) and the band (x)
minors dni!!!
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New Hush Crush in your Secret Circle! D4m0cl3s
10:43PM
D4m0cl3s: hey, stranger
Cl3m3ntin3: well hello there how are you??
D4m0cl3s: i'm all good. yourself?
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah, yeah, im all good just tryna figure out this damn app, lmao
D4m0cl3s: you new around these parts?
Cl3m3ntin3: i am indeed you've taken my secret circle virginity lucky you x
D4m0cl3s: oh shit well, i am honoured i can be your guide to all things hush x
Cl3m3ntin3: oh, i seeeeee an expert, are we? ;)
D4m0cl3s: just realised how tragic it is to be a self-proclaimed dating app expert, so... no not an expert just.... well versed?
Cl3m3ntin3: hahaha sureeee so, tell me, mr hush expert, how do these conversations usually go
D4m0cl3s: okay, 1: not an expert and 2: just general chit chat get an idea of what you're both looking for stuff like that
Cl3m3ntin3: 1: keep telling yourself that, babe and 2: what are you looking for?
D4m0cl3s: 1: calling me babe, already? score. 2: a girl who calls me babe.
Cl3m3ntin3: looks like my work here is done, then ;) seeeeeeya x
D4m0cl3s: no don't go stay i think we'll get along tell me what you're looking for
Cl3m3ntin3: a man who begs for my attention so looks like your work here is done, too ;)
D4m0cl3s: well, aren't we just a match made in heaven?
Cl3m3ntin3: hell* definitely a match made in hell
D4m0cl3s: you a sinner?
Cl3m3ntin3: would you like me to be?
D4m0cl3s: tempting... but no
Cl3m3ntin3: shame maybe we are after different things after all
D4m0cl3s: woaaah, i never said that i was just trying to be a gentleman take things slow be respectful
Cl3m3ntin3: it's anonymous, babe i didn't sign up for hush looking to be wined and dined or to be treated like a lady quite the opposite, actually so you don't need to worry about tarnishing your reputation, or whatever your secrets are safe with me ;)
D4m0cl3s: 1. i couldn't give a shit about my reputation and 2. it's just that people are on this app for different reasons don't wanna assume everyone is after the same thing
Cl3m3ntin3: 1. untouchable, are you? and 2. well, im pretty sure you know what i'm here for and if it's not abundantly obvious: nothing serious. it's late, and i'm bored. what's a girl to do in those kinds of situations? play all alone? boringgg. my cards are on the table, damocles you're up.
D4m0cl3s: untouchable...something like that and fine if you really wanna know i'm not looking for a girl to take home to my mother
Cl3m3ntin3: good mothers don't tend to like me all that much
D4m0cl3s: no?
Cl3m3ntin3: nah fathers on the other hand? fucking love me
D4m0cl3s: and you wonder why the mothers hate you?
Cl3m3ntin3: oh, no im fully aware it's because im the only thing that can get their husbands' perpetually flaccid cocks hard :)
D4m0cl3s: jesus christ you really are built for sin, aren't you?
Cl3m3ntin3: uh-huh :) fancy a dance with the devil?
D4m0cl3s: not tonight but you've got me interested
Cl3m3ntin3: </3 can't believe you're blue balling me
D4m0cl3s: trust me im blue balling myself i've got an early schedule in the morning can't stay up all night entertaining some girl on a fucking app ;)
Cl3m3ntin3: okay 1: ouch, if anyone was doing the entertaining, it would be me and 2: prove it
D4m0cl3s: prove it?
Cl3m3ntin3: uh-huh prove that you're blue balling yourself
D4m0cl3s: again, jesus christ you are something else
Cl3m3ntin3: thank you :D now... proof
D4m0cl3s: say please
Cl3m3ntin3: you want me to get down on my knees, too?
D4m0cl3s: would be appreciated
Cl3m3ntin3: fine
D4m0cl3s: watch your attitude, clementine
Cl3m3ntin3: sighhh hate you for this already >:( pretty please could you show me your cock so i know you're hard and not just lying &lt;;33
D4m0cl3s: see, that wasn't so hard, was it? good girl
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
Cl3m3ntin3: holy shit
D4m0cl3s: i might keep secrets, but i never lie let's talk tomorrow, alright?
Cl3m3ntin3: noted and tomorrow for sure sweet dreams, damocles x
D4m0cl3s: night night, clementine x
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[3 Months Later]  KSPO DOME  Seoul, South Korea
♪ // Hush - The Marías
"You'll choke if you're not careful – and how many times do I need to tell you? Put that damn phone away!"
If Park Jimin wasn't so warm in his tone with you—effervescent in his kindness, bubbling over like lightly shaken soda—you'd tell him to kiss your ass.
He stands in the doorway, a pretty smile on his plump lips. There's something about him—his eyes, you think—that subvert all his softness. Makes him quite the menace. If you hadn't been there to witness his high-school bowl cut era, you never would believed it had happened. He's too cool. It transcends his current being. Is effortless. 
In all black, a pair of Chelsea boots soundtrack his arrival no matter where he is. A little scuffed, he's in need of a new pair—but they'll be a post-show bonus treat. From Jimin, to Jimin. Congratulations on a job well done.
With a subtle roll of your eyes, you swallow down the blueberry you'd been holding between your teeth in a dingy backroom of Seoul's KSPO Dome—the venue of choice for The Scouts' final hometown show. The brickwork remains exposed, grey concrete blocks a dull backdrop for the catering tables.
"Sorry mum," you banter, even though you really shouldn't. There's a glint to your eyes beneath the awkward spotlighting that really isn't preferable for the buffet-style display behind you. Fruits, snacks, it's not a bad spread—but it's got nothing on the rider you know The Scouts ask for ahead of every show.
But why shouldn't they? What the boys want, the boys get – and they've worked damn hard to get it.
He nods towards the lanyard around your neck and reminds you of this, then holds up his.
Park Jimin, it reads. Senior Tour Manager.
"Not on the clock, trouble. I'm still your boss."
"And don't I know it," you offer him a smile, still not a huge fan of the dynamic the pair of you portray at work.
You've known Jimin since the tooth fairy was leaving coins under his pillow. It's sorta hard to take him seriously when you've experienced as much life together as you have.
The way he groans when you reach for yet another blueberry is testament to the friendship you share; the kind of found siblings written about in books but rarely found in reality. There's a sanctity there. He's got your back, and he knows you'll always pick up the slack when he needs you to.
For all your difficulties in the short-term, he knows you pull it out of the bag come the time results are needed.
Knocking the blueberry into your mouth with a grin, you use your tongue to toss it to your back teeth. It's a teeny tiny little fruit. You're pretty sure you could swallow it whole without repercussion.
In fact, the reason you were so engrossed in your phone is because you were about to start a discussion with a... friend about something else you could swallow, instead – but you won't tell Jimin that. He'd throw up, probably, and then it'd be your job to clean it up.
"Yeah, yeah," you nod, locking your phone and tucking it into your back pocket. "Sorry boss. Where do you need me?"
He narrows his eyes at your sarcastic use of formalities, but knows when to pick his battles with you. Instead, he knocks his head to the side and heads for the doorway, indicating for you to follow suit.
Just like he knows when to pick his battles with you, you also know when to pick yours with him.
"You've a job that people would likely kill for," he ribs, not really minding all that much. It's downtime between the off-stage rush, so there really isn't all that much to be doing—but you could at least pretend to make it look like you're working your ass off. "But you're too busy on your bloody phone. Head to hair and make-up. The next VCR segment is smaller so I need you in position pronto."
"Sure, sure," you nod like a bobbing head figurine, stealing a handful of blueberries from the catering table and heading on your way.
Jimin watches on with a curious sense of bewilderment. You're the best runner they have, by quite some margin, but also seemingly the one that's least eager to please—and by doing so, they seem to like you even more. It's an odd paradox, but it is one that you use to your advantage. Play a little dumb; wow them all when you continually and quite impressively exceed their expectations. Work smarter, not harder.
It's a work ethic that runs in the family. They shouldn't be surprised by it, not really.
The corridor you head down is flanked by sterile white lights. The only thing that's brighter are the faux smiles of entertainment execs and slimy media men, who are all after their fifteen minutes of favour—because it's not fame they'll get by rubbing shoulders with the boys on stage; it's a boost up. Something to talk big about in board room meetings. 
A humble brag; a subtle flex, that is neither humble nor subtle.
Your lanyard taps against the buckle of your belt as you jog towards the stage. A cute little pat-pat-pat and jingle of keys from your beltloop soundtracks it, which you're thankful for. It covers the heavy breathing.
Just shy of the staircase leading up to the platform, which is almost shaking from the exertion of the performers on it, you hanger left into the room beside the dressing room.
While the dressing room is a dingy, theatrical maximalist's dream, the make-up department has a shell for a room. Bright white lights are overhead, to make sure the boys look amazing—which they always do regardless. Personally, you think this is all overkill. Takes away some of the authenticity. People swoon for The Scouts and the fact they're walking, talking hot messes. When the 'mess' is carefully applied with tiny brushes and kept in place with setting spray, it just doesn't hit the same.
Still, the fans are none the wiser, so who cares? Let them think Jeon Jungkook has flawless skin after an all-night bender.
Annoyingly, he normally does – but that's beyond the point.
"Here she is," Jinyu grins as you walk through the door with a little huff, immediately picking up a setlist by the door to fan your face.
Ethereal as usual, hair pulled back with a claw clip and a grown-out fringe framing her delicate features, Jinyu's mask pulled down to rest beneath her chin. A make-up brush is tucked behind her ear and half a dozen hair grips are biting onto the sleeve of her shirt, ready for the rush that will come with the next VCR break.
At least one of you is, you think.
She always is, though. Best of the bunch, she's the senior make-up artist, and has an example to lead by.
The rest of the make-up artists sit together in the far corner, nattering amongst themselves with far more animation than their hushed tones should really allow for. It's not an uncommon occurrence.
They like to pretend that they don't want anyone to know their business, but you've heard it all.
You could share, in quite some detail, how Jungkook likes to look at his regular make-up artist's lips whenever she's applying balm to his.
Apparently, the tension is 'off the charts', but he's 'too shy to do anything'. Always asks for balm, even when he doesn't need it. Or so she says.
You roll your eyes whenever you hear her brag about it, 'cause you've also heard the conversations that the boys have had behind closed doors. You know that if Jungkook is gonna be after any of the make-up artists, it's Jinyu—but the ring on her fourth finger and the toddler she sometimes brings to work on the quiet days is enough for him to stay away.
The lifestyles lived by The Scouts wouldn't allow for any of them to be playing 'Daddy'—though the girls who've squeezed into their tour bus bunks would probably beg to differ.
It's not just Jungkook who they like to gossip about—although he is the current flavour of the month, ever since he got that bloody lip ring.
In all honesty, you've heard so much shite about all five members that it's a miracle the girls still have jobs.
A new addition to the team since the overwhelming success of the last album run, the record label are keen on The Scouts keeping up their appearances. Gone are the days of sleeping in eyeliner and waking up with panda eyes—now it's carefully placed with precision beneath their tired lashlines, bloodshot eyes still bleary from the night before.
According to the last make-up room rumour mill, Tae is the type to send a late-night text to a handful of girls at once, just to see who bites (of which they all do, of course), and Yoongi is the type to sit silently in the make-up chair, only to make some absurdly unhinged comment as he leaves for the stage.
It's what they're talking about as you and Jinyu exchange glances with comically raised brows and wide eyes.
"Like, the whole time, he must have just been sat there, thinking about it," one of them swoons. "Didn't say a single word, and then just said 'your perfume smells nice, today,' as he was leaving."
The way they giggle makes your skin crawl. It's like they're constantly trying to one-up one another, using the men they work for as tools to do so – and you can't really blame them. As much as you may hate it, it's a man's world, especially in this industry. If you've gotta climb a few greasy poles to reach the top, then more power to those who choose to do so.
"He definitely spent the whole time thinking about it."
"What perfume are you wearing? I wouldn't mind him saying that to me..."
"God, he's such a dream boat."
"Something about him lately is just... ugh, off the charts. We need to stop styling his hair like that. It's too good."
You don't mean to be so judgemental – you've got a pair of eyes. Know exactly why they insist on giggling about their delusions.
Thing is, you can deal with the Jungkook gossip. Tae, Yoongi, Namjoon – whatever.
It's when they start talking about Jin and fail to hide the fact they're doing so that you're reminded of exactly why it grinds your gears so much.
In fact, quite frankly, you've a desire to pick up one of Jinyu's rattail combs and shove it into your ear. Would hope it'd impale your brain. You're not really sure how deep you'd have to go, but it would beat hearing them fawn over your older brother.
You've heard things being said about his hands that no younger sister should ever have to. Quite repulsive, actually.
Instead, you grimace, trying to gain back your breath following your sprint (of which Jimin would call a leisurely pace) up the corridor.
"Why does catering have to be so far from the dressing room?!"
Jinyu watches on with great amusement as you rest your hands on your knees, bending as if you've just run a 10k. Dramatics run in the family, or so it would seem.
"I dunno, babe," Jinyu purrs, her smile present just like it always is, voice a little extra loud to drown out the noise of the witches gathered in the corner. "Why was my favourite runner over in catering in the first place?"
You let your eyes narrow, her teasing grin only serving as a reminder that you really should know better than to keep on going back to the blueberry stash. It's not like you aren't allowed them. They'd all go to waste otherwise, so if anything, you're snacking on behalf of the company.
"You couldda just had them call one of the other runners back," you pout, knowing that it never would have been the case. She likes to make you work a little bit harder than the others, 'cause she knows you feel like you have more to prove.
Jinyu laughs, and passes you some hair grips to hook onto your sleeves for later. "You're the one who said you wanted to establish yourself! What was it you said at the start of these shows?"
You drop down onto the sofa next to her makeup station, tucking your legs up on the seat. The vibration of the music on stage pours through the walls at such a volume you're surprised you can even sustain a conversation.
"I'm gonna show them," Jinyu imitates with far more dramatic flair than you think is really necessary—but it is accurate. "I'll prove to them all that nepotism had nothing to do with me getting hired. Who, me?" She gasps."The baby sister of our very own World Wide Handsome? Hired because my brother pulled some strings? Never!"
"Fuck off," you laugh, tossing one of the sofa pillows towards her—but she catches it with ease because of course she does. Jinyu is everything you could ever aspire to be, hand-eye coordination included. The girls in the corner hush their conversation and begin to take an interest in your conversation. You ignore them, shrugging as you say, "It's not like I have a first-class degree in stage management or anything like that."
Sure, you have the qualifications—but you also aren't stupid. You know that the job is a favour amongst family. The job market these days is non-existent and while being Jin's sibling had afforded you a follower count worthy of an influencer, you need a purpose in life. It's no coincidence that you both showed an interest in the music industry—he's just far better suited to the performance side of it.
It would have been foolish to turn down the opportunity when Jin had mentioned it at a family dinner.
You're low-level, just a runner for now, but it's nice to be somewhere in which people don't give a shit about your famous brother. To most people here, he's a coworker, a colleague.
Outside of work, your entire personality to anyone you first meet is apparently being related to him. In all honestly, it's the same even in a professional capacity. Had started lying on your resume about your name, just so he wasn't the topic of conversation for all of your job interviews.
Remarkably, this is the only job that hasn't cared about him being your brother.
"Whatever you say. That's our cue. Off your arse," Jinyu says, her demeanour switching as the sound of the final chorus begins to simmer down. You don't need to be told twice, getting to your feet and into position beside her. "Can you be my right hand?"
♪ // Only Angel - Harry Styles 
"Sure," you nod, expecting nothing less. It's not much, just putting some hair grips in place while she touches up their stage makeup, and switching out brushes as and when she needs them. Just enough to be helpful without getting in her way.
The girls in the corner follow suit, standing behind their chairs, eager to see the men in all of their sweaty, worn-out glory. They've made no secret of their admiration, which is why Jinyu is such a breath of fresh air. A fair few years older than the boys, she's happily married and doesn't care to swoon over them.
Like a force of nature, The Scouts rumble into the room - lips ajar, chest heaving, hair damp with sweat. 
Jungkook is first, slamming his body down into one of the chairs, in dire need of something other than the piss-warm beer he's got up on stage. Tossing him a bottle of water from the countertop behind you, he catches it with ease. Smirks. Looks at you with all the adrenaline he's stolen from the eyes of the fans that adore him. Legs wide, bottle undone with one hand, there's a challenge to his gaze. Performing is a fuckin' drug to Jeon Jungkook - you just wish he didn't keep such a fucked-out look on that pretty face of his whenever he finishes. 
So yeah, maybe you do get why the girls chitchat in the way that they do. 
The rest of the band follow in, equally trashed, in the best possible way. Taehyung's shirt has miraculously lost all of its buttons, and Namjoon's T-shirt is now slung around his shoulders like a towel. His hair drips with sweat, arms swollen from the exertion of the last few days of shows. 
Behind them, Yoongi strolls with an air of arrogance he carries off ever so well. Indifferent. Just as covered in sweat, but without the entire body exhaustion the other Scouts are displaying. He's too cool for his own good. Doesn't look at you. Looks right through you. Asshole. 
And then finally, presumably because he was too busy flirting with the audience, the Scout Leader himself makes his grand entrance. Plastic cup in hand, he's nursing a Jack and Coke. Doesn't see the point in all this make-up malarky, when he knows he's just gonna sweat it off anyway. Would much rather actually take this time to recharge, even if just for a second. Thought that adding VCR's to shows would allow them more time for that, and is sorely disappointed by the reality of it.
"Fucking hell, has it been raining?" You deadpan when he slinks down into the chair opposite you and Jinyu. "Y'know, you should get some of those sweat-reduction botox injections. Would work wonders."
He looks at you with disdain that clearly tells you to fuck off. He stays silent. Kicks your shin, instead. You kick him right back.
"I swear the pair of you are worse than my two-year-old," Jinyu sighs as she drapes a towel around Jin's shoulders.
"Someone needs to humble him," you shrug.
"Someone needs to fire you," he says right back, not realising that Jinyu had passed you her hair mister, earning himself a spritz of water to the face.
Effective immediately, your hair mister privileges are taken away. Jinyu's pleasant smile looks almost stern as she takes it, putting it down on the dressing table with a thud.
"We've got three minutes," she reminds you.
"Sorry boss," you quip, not wanting her to actually get pissed off at you. There are certain liberties you can take, but you're supposed to be helping her, not a hindrance.
There's subdued energy in the room now that the boys have settled, not wanting to waste their fuel anywhere other than the stage. As you push grips into Jin's hair, ready for hairspray, you watch the room in the mirror view.
Taehyung is on his phone, not paying any attention to what's going on, his makeup artist working silently. Jungkook is patting down his own face with powder while his stylist teases his hair just right.
You look at him for a little too long, his eyes coming to meet yours in the mirror. Despite the pitch-black darkness of his irises, there's a lightness in his gaze—one that has your skin feeling all prickly and hot, eyes darting back down to Jin's hair.
You think you can hear him laughing to himself.
It's confirmed when Jimin waltzes into the room, clipboard in hand and asks, "What's got you giggling, Kook?"
He lies, and says he's thinking about his dog, Bam, just to save you from embarrassment.
You glance back up to where his eyes are already waiting for yours, brows lifted as he smirks. You make vague shapes with your mouth as if you're telling him to 'fuck off,' which only serves to make him laugh again, a little harder this time. He keeps it quiet, shoulders bobbing up and down, his smile magnetic.
It's all in good fun. There's been a running joke for years now that you'll date Jungkook just to piss off Jin.
You already know his make-up artist will twist that moment to her own liking, making up some bullshit about him laughing with her, but it's barely worth your energy.
Beside him, Jimin vies for attention from Yoongi, who looks like he's in need of a good nap. 
There's a sheen to his skin, sweat dripping down his neck thanks to his make-up artists failing to grab him a towel. You call for Jimin's attention, and once you have it, you chuck him one of the spare towels over your shoulder. He tilts his head in confusion, but when you nod towards Yoongi, he understands.
The towel is passed along, a simple 'hm?' from Yoongi to question where it came from. Jimin nods towards you, and Yoongi takes a second to observe what you're doing. You're not looking at him, because quite frankly, he intimidates you.
He never used to.
In fact, you used to get along quite well—but you're vaguely aware of the fact he doesn't approve of nepotism, and knows that the only reason you secured this job is because of Jin.
It makes you feel a little embarrassed. A little ashamed. None of the other boys seem to care, but it puts you on edge with Yoongi. You try extra hard—be extra diligent—with him. He seems to be the one you seek validation from the most, despite him being the one you interact with the least.
In the corner of the room, Taehyung and Namjoon discuss the next song. A change from yesterday's set, they've been switching up songs so that no one really knows what to expect next. Have to keep things fresh. Keep their names trending. Get those streams. Meet industry targets set by suits with no real understanding of what it means to make art.
It's admirable how much they cram into such little time. Masters of their craft, it's an honour to see them work. It's without a doubt that they've earned their success.
You kind of get why Yoongi is hesitant of you. You feel underqualified, as if you haven't worked hard enough to earn the role you've been given—but you have. You have the credentials. Jin opened the door for you, yes, but you're the one who had the key in the first place.
You're distracted by your thoughts when your phone buzzes in your back pocket. The vibration hums just a little bit longer than any of your other app notifications, so you know exactly what it is. Know who it is.
Kind of.
There's a little bit of bashful shame that washes over your features, fearful someone will hear the buzz and recognise its length—not that anyone would notice the soft purr in the back pocket of your jeans, cushioned by your ass. It's just as incognito as the man who's sending you a message is.
Your phone buzzes a few times. Seven, to be precise.
Needy, you think to yourself—but it pleases you. He never fails to disappoint.
Well, rarely. You've been waiting half an hour for a message from him, and it's so bloody typical that it would come through when you're finally busy.
"Positions!" Jimin calls from the corridor, letting the boys know their rest time is up.
Jinyu casts an authoritative eye over the boys, checking to make sure they all look okay before sending them on their way.
"Hair grip," she reminds Jungkook's stylist, who had left a tiny little clip in his fringe. She flusters, embarrassed at missing such a detail, but Jungkook just pulls it from his fringe without much care as he puts his phone back on its wireless charging port.
Namjoon follows suit, reminded that his phone was in his back pocket, tossing it on one of the dressing room tables. Yoongi tucks his phone into a bag by the sofa, and Tae does the same.
They file out in good spirits, hyping one another up for the final part of the show, staff patting their backs and cheering on words of encouragement. It's always bittersweet for them; their final performances are their favourites, but they're also the ones in which they know they'll be saying farewell—and no one likes goodbyes.
You watch with fondness as the stage-cam plays on the TV in the corner of the room. There's something about the five of them together, on stage, surrounded by an ocean of unadulterated love and affection, that feels like watching magic. It's the kind of thing that only happens once in a lifetime. You're thankful you get to witness it in all its glory. You'll probably watch the final few songs from the side of the stage, just to feel even an ounce of what the boys do.
Sinking back into the sofa, the scent of hot, sweaty men clouding the air, you pull your phone from your pocket—and sure enough, you're met with the notifications you've been hoping for.
New Secret from D4m0cl3s D4m0cl3s: late shift tonight, sorry one of the girls on my team made a joke about how tense i seem to be said i need to get laid... i told her she needs to mind her own fucking business but... it also got me thinking about you i finish in an hour give me a reason not to go out and get laid
You smile, as the heat that pricked at your skin when Jungkook caught your eye earlier that evening returns.
Part of you toys with the idea of 'what if it's him?' His phone is face down on its charger, all of his secrets hidden from the world.
Part of you hopes it is, just for the knowledge of it irritating the fuck out of Jin and the girls who are sat in the corner, gossiping about his giggling earlier.
Realistically, you know it's not. It's impossible.
You've been sent enough pictures from your Damocles boy of his hands doing unthinkable things to know it can't be Jungkook. They're free of ink, pristine and pale, a little pink in their tone, and the only clue you have of who the fuck you spend so much time talking to.
"Where are you off to now?!" Jinyu asks as you head for the door, somehow surprised that you're dipping again.
"Catering," you lie, knowing full well you're going to find somewhere private enough to give your Damocles boy exactly what he's after.
"You'll turn into a blueberry," she warns you. You hold back a laugh, and resist the urge to tell her that what you're actually about to turn into is a clementine.
There are half a dozen doors down the corridor, but you slide into the first storage cupboard you come across. It's empty, and there's a lock on it, which is all you really need.
If you'd have stayed in the dressing room, it would have been a tomato you turned into, instead. Your cheeks would flush scarlet red, just like they did when the familiar purr of a Hush notification chimed far too loudly for something that's supposed to be all about keeping secrets.
You'd take a second. Wouldn't want to check your own phone, 'cause then all the girls would know you'd received a message from a hook-up app.
But you're not in the room. Nor is your phone.
And they all hear it regardless.
The girls who gossip pause, wondering if they've all heard the same thing. Jinyu is oblivious, happily married and unaware of what Hush even really is, let alone the vibrate tone.
One, two, three messages ping their way from your phone to his, but you're none the wiser. Haven't got a clue.
It's been three months, and neither one of you has any desire to disclose your identity to the other. You're serving a purpose; fulfilling a need.
Why ruin a good thing?
You aren't 'good', nor opposed to being ruined—but that's neither really here nor there. You've got a system that works, and it would be foolish to change things now.
You return to the dressing room, unaware that your phone isn't the only device within those four walls littered with pictures of your bare chest. In fact, everyone is unaware. It's your own little secret that you don't even realise you're keeping, and one that you intend on taking to the grave.
"No blueberries?" Jinyu asks as you return empty-handed.
"Got distracted," you lie, as you settle back into the sofa, a pleasant air surrounding you. On the screen, the boys are laughing, indulging in the energy of their fans for the final time that evening.
"By?" she presses, curious as to why you're looking all smitten as you watch the screen.
It's got nothing to do with any of them.
Or so you think.
It's actually got a whole lot to do with one of them.
You just don't realise it yet.
And so you simply shrug, and say, "Secret."
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"C'mon," Jungkook grins, eyes still swathed by the glow of mobile phone flashlights held up during the encore, even a whole thirty minutes after the show is over. He tugs on your arm, but you remain fixed in place, shaking your head. "We're all going, aren't we?"
The question is addressed to the boys, but he's still looking at you. You wish he wouldn't. Not when he looks like that.
His lips are wet, freshly licked, glistening like his silver lip ring, and his hair is still a little damp around the nape of his neck. There's something about him that looks a lot like magic. It's a wonder you haven't fallen under his spell.
"Uh-huh," Jin nods, tossing back the dregs of his final jack and coke. He's not yet run the rider dry, but it doesn't matter. He'll take the bottle with him, and wherever they end up won't turn them away, for they know he'll buy more – though the bar will likely comp it through. "You can ride with me."
Jungkook's grin widens. He loves it when a plan comes together.
♪ // No Shame - Five Seconds of Summer
"C'mon," Jungkook says again. Is quiet in his tone. Persuasive. "I'll miss you if you're not there."
"Is that supposed to make me feel a certain type of way?" You deadpan. "Try it on one of the makeup girlies. They'll eat it right up."
"Don't wanna try it on one of them," he whines a little, nudging his shoulder against yours. "It's our final show. We're celebrating."
"Your final show," you remind him. "I've got a gig next week. Some European group-"
"Don't care," he says. "You're ours for the night. Come party."
You roll your eyes back so hard it feels like you might have just seen your frontal lobe, but there's a smile on your lips, too. It's nice to feel wanted; appreciated. 
The invite isn't extended to the make-up artists, who are busy packing away, hoping that Jungkook's neediness will shift to them instead. It won't, but they can keep dreaming.
"If I come - and it's a strong if - you're paying," you bargain.
All you really want is to get home as quickly as you possibly can. Had even considered ordering a taxi before the boys had finished their set, but knew Jimin would have a field day with that one. Might even dock your pay just to be a little git.
You've a date with your phone, but the draw of real life is just too tempting.
It's difficult, because you know that you should want to go out, want to celebrate the fact you can actually go out now that the shows are done... but a random dude sending dick pics somehow seems to be more appealing. 
It's tragic, really. Something that you never wanna have to explain. You think you'd rather die. Are shameful of your shamelessness. Ironic.
And right on time, a buzz in your back pocket rumbles through you like a crack of lightning; burns your cheeks a pretty posy pink. 
Jungkook's ignorance of your reaction is a blessing. You're not sure how you would've explained it away - though knowing Jungkook, he'd have used your blush to wind Jin up. Attribute it to himself. Play into the idea of you hooking up with him.
It's not like you've never considered it – but lately, it's been hard to 'consider' anyone other than your Damocles boy.
You're reminded of him now – his thick, pink knuckles, and his notably thicker, marginally less pink cock- and how he said that someone on his team told him he needed to get laid. You can't help but think the same for yourself. 
It's not healthy, the way you're so drawn to the excitement a few pixels can give you. Is stopping you from living your real life.
There's an unease in your stomach; guilt, almost.
So you groan, knock your head back, and concede. "Fine!"
"Attagirl!" Jungkook beams as he pulls his phone from his pocket, checking the time and pushing it back into his jeans again. He reaches over for his bag, the scent of his aftershave catching you off guard. There's something about him... Something you know you should ignore, but are finding harder and harder to do so with each and every passing day. "We good to go?"
"Who else is coming?" You hum, heading to the coat rack to pick up your jacket. Tae is leaning against the door frame, shaking his head.
"Not me. Got a date with my bed," he says, ending his sentence with a yawn. He covers it with the back of his hand, but it's so loud you almost find yourself yawning too.
"Pussy," Jungkook scoffs. "Final show and-"
"Me either," Yoongi says as he walks past, not looking in your direction. The jacket that hangs around his broad shoulders is dark, just like his mood always seems these days.
You're not exactly sure when he decided that you weren't worthy of his time, but you're used to it now. Sucks, but such is life. He's always been a little like this, but it's your first time being on the receiving end of his coldness.
"Hot date with your bed?" You tease, hoping to get a little bit of warmth from him.
As he reaches the door, it surprises you both when he turns to look at you. There's a stillness to him; the slow evaporation of cloudy breaths in sub-zero temperatures. His eyes meet yours, and drop down your body. Pause when they land on your palms, and the phone that's being held in them.
His gaze returns to your eyes, fast quicker this time, and then he shrugs. "Yeah, something like that."
He doesn't wait for a reply. You don't intend on giving him one, either.
"And then there were 5," Jungkook sighs. "Fuck it, let's go."
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STAIRWAY BAR Itaewon-ro, Yongsan-Gu
♪ // Heaven and Back - Chase Atlantic
There's something sordid about the place you're in. Could be the neon lights on the walls, could be the walls lined with stacks upon stacks of old vinyl records. Could be the birdcages where lampshades should be, or it could be the worn-out leather sofas you're on in the corner of the room. Could be the punters, and how they're all wrapped in their own personal brand of sin, too busy to notice the living legends walking amongst them.
Truthfully, it's why the boys like places like this. They become one with the shadows. Can hide. Do things in secret that other people do in public. It's not like they're actively looking for trouble, but they can't help but seem to find it. Whether it be women, drugs, booze, it doesn't matter – they've each got a kryptonite.
Regretfully, you know Jin's: women who are no good for him. Blonde, brunette, foreign, local, he doesn't give a shit. All that matters is they know who he is, and they want him in inexplicable ways.
Credit where it's due, they all have conviction. All get exactly what they want – but he's easy. Sluts himself out for the fun of it; for the novelty of being a 'rockstar'.
It's gotten worse since their last big award show win. He's getting careless. Has never been one to hand out NDAs, but the kind of people he's attracting now really should have gag orders – issue is, Jin's always far more focused on finding out how sensitive their gag reflex is.
Namjoon's is his inability to say 'no'. Afterparty? He's there. Toke on a joint that has no business being in the hands of such a high-profile man? Go on, then. An upper before a show? Don't mind if I do.
It's a disaster waiting to happen. Anywhere else and you wouldn't worry. In the States, it'd be a non-issue. Expected, even.
The laws aren't so forgiving, here. One bad decision and that's it. Jail time. But sir, I'm a rockstar, pwetty pwease let me go, won't work on a court judge, and even if it did, the court of public opinion and trial by social media would run him into the ground regardless.
Unfair? You think so, yes. Just how life goes? Also yes.
Though they all push the limits to a certain extent, it's Jungkook that's the biggest risk of all. He's the youngest. Got girls lining around the block just to have a look at him. Is bad in a way that girls convince themselves is good. I can fix him. All starry-eyed and sex appeal, there's nothing innocent about him. Nothing.
S'why you know better than to indulge in his flirt – because that's all it ever is. A limit to push. A boundary to break. A challenge he wants to win.
In quite the contrast, Taehyung keeps his boundaries watertight. Doesn't stray, doesn't overindulge. Goes home to a partner who'd give him the world, if he asked – but he won't. See, Kim Taehyung already has the world. Not his career (though it could be argued), not his money, not his fame. They're perks, sure – but his world waits up for him with his favourite snacks on the kitchen counter, ready to hear all about the show.
It's only the close circle that knows. The make-up girls don't have a clue. Jinyu is well aware, but not because it's ever been discussed. She just knows. Is intuitive, like that. Probably knows more about the boys' business than even Jimin does – and it's his job to know their business.
Though the boys would argue that Yoongi has no weakness, you believe otherwise.
His Achilles heal is found in his solitude. His laissez-faire attitude to the world around him stunts his enjoyment of it, you think. He's never gonna be in his twenties in the biggest band in the world ever again. These days will pass him by, and he's wasting them.
If he were to know you felt this way, he wouldn't dignify you with a response; he'd just show up to even fewer events to spite you. Has no interest in your unsolicited opinions of him.
Because you're wrong about his weaknesses.
While yes, his solitude exacerbates them, it's the silence that nurtures his weaknesses: his regrets. His inability to forget. Forgive. Let things go. He fixates, and it frustrates him to the point of fury.
His kryptonite is not how little he cares. Quite contrary. It's how violently he does care. That's what ties his shoelaces together and trips him up. Gives him a bloody nose. Scrapes his knees. Leaves him bloodied and bruised; pink in his pain.
But that's your kryptonite: your cocksure arrogance in thinking you know everything.
Or at least, that's what Yoongi would tell you, if he were ever to get into this debate with you.
He won't.
Again, you'll think it's because he's laissez-faire. That he doesn't care.
Regretfully, you'll be wrong – but he's the one who simmers over regrets, not you.
"Alright, alright!" You laugh, a little unsteady on your feet as you stand up after god-knows how many shots. Namjoon reaches out to steady you. Glances at Jin as if to say, 'kids, eh?'
You're all fucked. Have had far too much, but you figure that's what nights like these are for – who cares? You're celebrating.
Jin just smiles. Rolls his eyes, then averts his attention to the blonde by the bar who's gonna take your seat as soon as you leave.
Jungkook doesn't notice, cause he's too busy laughing at you.
"Just gonna run to the bathroom," you declare, as if they need to know such details. "Need to pee."
"Bathrooms just round the other side of the projector screen," Jimin tells you, nodding in its direction, 'cause even though it's after hours and he's far too heavily intoxicated, he can't help but be resourceful. That's his kryptonite. Can never switch off. "Just up the stairs."
It's not even like you need direction. Have been to this bar more times than you've had hot dinners.
Jungkook laughs. Thinks you're full of shit. 
"Your tolerance is going down in your old age," he teases, as if you're not the same age. "Tactical chunders are for the weak."
You tell him to go fuck himself, and he laughs, all hearty and warm.  "Gladly."
Their chatter continues without you. The blonde joins, and so does her friend. Someone's getting lucky tonight, and you're pretty sure it'll be all four of them. Thoughts you'd rather not think, honestly.
Teeny tiny is the bathroom. Cramped. A single cubicle is in working order and the hot tap has been broken for as long as you've been visiting this place. It definitely violates some health and safety codes, but who really gives enough of a shit to report it?
Holding your fingers beneath the already running tap, you check the temperature – as if the hot tap even works – and wait for a moment just to be sure. Icy cold, as always.
Lost in the sensation of the water, you forget for a moment why you're there.
While yeah, you could have a drink from the tap, you could have just gotten water at the bar.
Brain all fuzzy, you can't put your finger on it - until your phone vibrates in your back pocket.
And then suddenly, you remember exactly why you're in the bathroom.
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11:37PM
D4m0cl3s: fuck, you look so good such a tease i'll be home as soon as i can be been thinking about you all night
11:58PM
i'm home let me know when you're free
00:16AM
you're taking your precious time tonight
00:21AM
what's the deal, huh? tryna get me all frustrated?
00:23AM
it's working
00:39AM
damn maybe that girl on my team was right maybe i should have just gone out and got laid tonight
01:05AM
really? even me being an asshole isn't working? is it compliments you want? you know i'll give you them
01:28AM
okay so i actually am a bit worried now, let me know when you're home safe, m'kay?
Cl3m3ntin3: you know what they say treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen
D4m0cl3s: FINALLY
Cl3m3ntin3: damn, you really are keen aren't you
D4m0cl3s: you were gone so long i was thinking about watching porn PORN you know how long it's been since i watched porn?
Cl3m3ntin3: if my calculations are correct, about 3 months?
D4m0cl3s: ... you're smart, clem but also so mean, my god got me all riled up and kept me waiting HOURS
Cl3m3ntin3: i'm sorry i'm here now and i'm thinking about you, too
D4m0cl3s: are you still out? at work?
Cl3m3ntin3: uh-huh out not at work, tho
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D4m0cl3s: fucking hell, clem your tits look so good come here wanna hold them
Cl3m3ntin3: give me an address and i'll get in a taxi right now we can keep the lights off, never have to see each other keep things anon but i gottaaaa feel your hands on my chest
D4m0cl3s: i wish i could wish i could just fuck you like we both know you deserved to be fucked
Cl3m3ntin3: i'm not stopping you
D4m0cl3s: we both know that isn't entirely true
Cl3m3ntin3: do we? give me an address doesn't have to be yours hotel sex is always fun
D4m0cl3s: i have a feeling all sex with you will be fun location is irrelevant
Cl3m3ntin3: well i'm currently in a bathroom stall hiding from my friends just so i can reply to you you reckon a bathroom stall would be fun?
D4m0cl3s: i reckon i love a challenge
Cl3m3ntin3: well i mean i could always send you my current location...
D4m0cl3s: tempting... but no.
Cl3m3ntin3: you're your own worst cock block, damocles boy
D4m0cl3s: it's called deprivation, baby yanno, kind of like what you did when you kept me waiting for hours gonna make you want me so badly it hurts
Cl3m3ntin3: i already do which is why you should come and put me out of my misery
D4m0cl3s: you're with your friends, you're fine ;) actually you drinking?
Cl3m3ntin3: a little
D4m0cl3s: a little?
Cl3m3ntin3: ...a lottle?
D4m0cl3s: the fact you just said lottle tells me all i need to know lmao you know the drill, clem
Cl3m3ntin3: :((((( noooooo
D4m0cl3s: stop pouting
Cl3m3ntin3: i can't :(((
D4m0cl3s: you can i meant what i said about no drunk messages only want you doing this when your head is clear
Cl3m3ntin3: my head is clear and my head thinks you should stop thinking with yours actually start thinking with your dick instead :)
D4m0cl3s: fine then let's see how clear your head is send me a video of you walking in a straight line
Cl3m3ntin3: you just wanna see my feet perv
D4m0cl3s: video
Cl3m3ntin3: fineeee, fucking fine!
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D4m0cl3s: oh yeah fuck that clem, you're pissed as a fart hahaha i'm not even sure you tried to walk in a straight line, you wobbly mess cute laugh tho get some water in you go back to your friends we can talk in the morning
Cl3m3ntin3: but i wanna talk now :( missed u today
D4m0cl3s: missed u too will miss you tonight but i'll wait
Cl3m3ntin3: :( whyyy do you have to be so good all the time :(
D4m0cl3s: because we both know that the second you send me a picture of your perfect little pussy, i won't be good
Cl3m3ntin3: now?
D4m0cl3s: no, baby in the morning, okay? drink some water.
Cl3m3ntin3: fine
D4m0cl3s: watch your attitude
Cl3m3ntin3: sighhh :((
D4m0cl3s: don't you'll make me feel bad just get yourself home and to bed and you can wake up to this tomorrow...
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Cl3m3ntin3: BRB, sprinting home
D4m0cl3s: shut up idiot enjoy your night lemme know when ur home
Cl3m3ntin3: okay :( sweet dreams, damocles boy x
D4m0cl3s: speak soon, clemmie x
D4m0cl3s is offline
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08:58AM
D4m0cl3s: morning clemmie
Cl3m3ntin3: hereee he is was wondering when you'd be up
D4m0cl3s: been up ages was wondering if today would finally be the day you message me first ;)
Cl3m3ntin3: why would i ever do that? we both know you can't bear to be away from this chat thread for more than a few hours
D4m0cl3s: your ego never fails to amaze me
Cl3m3ntin3: i'm a product of your creation, damocles boy you told me last week that i'm the only thing that gets you hard these days and you expect me not to get an ego?
D4m0cl3s: hope you know that when i actually get to fuck you, there's no room in my bed for your ego
Cl3m3ntin3: oh bite me you're gonna be putty in my hands
D4m0cl3s: i'm really gonna have to fuck the ego out of you, aren't i? get your little attitude problem in check and biting? you into that?
Cl3m3ntin3: i'd like to see you try like i said, this is aaaaall your fault if you can't control yourself over a message thread, how the fuck will you cope when I'm in front of you? and pls i'm gonna be the one fucking you it's cute that you think otherwise stupid <33 but cute :)
D4m0cl3s: i literally hate you
Cl3m3ntin3: you gonna hate me when im on my knees between your legs?
D4m0cl3s: yep
Cl3m3ntin3: gonna hate me when i run my tongue up and down that pretty cock of yours?
D4m0cl3s: yep
Cl3m3ntin3: gonna hate me when i wrap my lips around your tip? when i take your hard cock in my warm, wet mouth?
D4m0cl3s: yep and yep
Cl3m3ntin3: gonna hate me when i take you so deep my eyes start watering?
D4m0cl3s: uh-huh
Cl3m3ntin3: you're a tough bargainer :(
D4m0cl3s: just means im gonna fuck you like i hate you
Cl3m3ntin3: no you're not :) you're gonna be soooo shy so timid so scared of fucking up because of how badly you want me
D4m0cl3s: the way you're gonna eat your fucking words actually makes me laugh
Cl3m3ntin3: i wanna hear your laugh
D4m0cl3s: you can hear it when you finally fuck me
Cl3m3ntin3: i could have fucked you last night you said no &lt;//3
D4m0cl3s: incorrect i said not when you're drunk
Cl3m3ntin3: i'm a good fuck when im drunk
D4m0cl3s: i'm pretty sure you're a good fuck regardless of your blood alcohol concentration i've seen how you fuck your toys i know you're a good fuck
Cl3m3ntin3: like this?
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D4m0cl3s: just like that fuck that's it, baby i like that toy what is it? glass? always looks so good when you sink it into your pussy so so wet, fucking hell
Cl3m3ntin3: glass, uh-huh you should get one for yourself
D4m0cl3s: myself?
Cl3m3ntin3: yourself
D4m0cl3s: i'm not sure that's my kinda thing, clemmie
Cl3m3ntin3: only one way to find out plus i remember how hard you came that time i got you to play with your ass a little
D4m0cl3s: shut up omg
Cl3m3ntin3: seeeeee, i'm totally gonna be the one doing the fucking :D
D4m0cl3s: you're not touching my ass
Cl3m3ntin3: i'm gonna eat it :)
D4m0cl3s: you're gonna do no such thing
Cl3m3ntin3: hehe okay whatever you say :D can't wait to say i told you so when you're face down ass up whining about how good my tongue feels :D
D4m0cl3s: and this is exactly why you need the ego fucked out of you never gonna happen
Cl3m3ntin3: you'll be begging for it one day but fineeeee, if u say so tell me how you'd do it, then? how would you fuck the ego (that you gave me!!!) outta me? tell me how you'd ruin me, damocles boy
D4m0cl3s: show me your pussy first let me look at how wet you are right now
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D4m0cl3s: god, look at you if this is how wet you get thinking about eating my ass... we can put it on the maybe list but you'd be on your back, like you are now exactly like that, perfect and spread for me i'd start with my fingers
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these two i'll push them into you so slowly that you'll be begging for more you'll be all whiney (so no change to normal lmao) but i'll curl them a little, just like you said you like it, and use my thumb to toy with your clit
Cl3m3ntin3 added new media to the chat!
D4m0cl3s: fuck i love it when you send videos i could watch that forever literal cinema the way your pussy leaks for me, christ i wouldn't be able to watch your pussy leak like that without licking it up i'd keep my thumb on your clit, gently circling it as my tongue began to toy with your entrance you'd be so leaky on my tongue wouldn't you? so so fuckin' wet for me
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
it's mutual, just so you know
Cl3m3ntin3: god i fucking love it when your tip gets all wet like that you are soooooo needy you wanna fuck me soooooo bad he he i stay winning!!!
D4m0cl3s: CLEM. CONTROL. YOUR. EGO!!
Cl3m3ntin3: FUCK. IT. OUT. OF. ME!!!!
D4m0cl3s: your ego is so big i think i'll just have to fuck you for hours at this point :/
Cl3m3ntin3: oh no :( such a shame !!! :(
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
D4m0cl3s: just imagine this stretching your tight little pussy open my cock is so much bigger than that dildo
Cl3m3ntin3: can't wait to feel you inside me i know it's gonna hurt but in like... the best possible way you're so big and thick such a nice cock ♡♡
D4m0cl3s: i'll go slow with you baby ease you into it
Cl3m3ntin3 added new media to the chat!
Cl3m3ntin3: you've got me soooo wet i think it'll be easy to push into me fill me up
D4m0cl3s: my needy girl look at you my cock belongs inside you your pussy already belongs to me
Cl3m3ntin3: come and claim it
D4m0cl3s: you're making it harder and harder to say no fuck im close
Cl3m3ntin3: same i wanna watch you cum
D4m0cl3s: fuck it i'll call? we can finish together?
Cl3m3ntin3: please
Incoming call from D4m0cl3s Accept | Decline (03 minutes : 14 seconds)
Call ended.
Cl3m3ntin3: nice work
D4m0cl3s: pleasure doing business
Cl3m3ntin3: as always i totally heard that little giggle tho ;)
D4m0cl3s: fuck off what giggle
Cl3m3ntin3: the one you did after you came all over your tummy :)♡♡
D4m0cl3s: never giggled in my life ever
Cl3m3ntin3: liar x
D4m0cl3s: i only laughed cause you did too >:(
Cl3m3ntin3: and i only laughed cause of how hard you made me cum you've got a gift, damocles boy
D4m0cl3s: and you've got the nicest pussy i've ever seen in my whole entire life
Cl3m3ntin3: you have to use a dating app to get your rocks off deffo a virgin :/ never seen a pussy before in your life :/ not much competition to compare me to, is there? :/
D4m0cl3s: i really do mean it when i say i hate you :) x
Cl3m3ntin3: i know you do babe
D4m0cl3s: wish we were never matched, actually
Cl3m3ntin3: same might just block you actually
D4m0cl3s: PLEASE put me out of my misery
Cl3m3ntin3: okay :D bye forever :D
D4m0cl3s: wait no don't :(
Cl3m3ntin3: you're a bloody seesaw boy always up and down either hate me or love me make up your mind !!
D4m0cl3s: lmao you've no idea but where's the fun in that? i like keeping you on your toes
Cl3m3ntin3: true i gotta run tho got a date with a real boy seeyaaaa x
D4m0cl3s: wooooah wait wait a date?
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah with someone in like.. real life... problem?
D4m0cl3s: no problem just surprised that's all
Cl3m3ntin3: that someone would want to date me?
D4m0cl3s: no that you'd want to date someone else
Cl3m3ntin3: breaking news: girl in her early twenties wants more than nudes from a stranger on the internet
D4m0cl3s: fair enough probably shouldn't continue this, then a heads up would have been nice
Cl3m3ntin3: you wanna stop?
D4m0cl3s: no no, i really don't, clem but you're right you do deserve more
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah i do
D4m0cl3s: i actually hate this wtf like i know you can do what you like and i can do what i like but i thought we had something good going?
Cl3m3ntin3: we do thank god i'm just lying about a date for attention :) &lt;3
D4m0cl3s: what the fuck clem
Cl3m3ntin3: made you shit your pants didn't i
D4m0cl3s: CLEM.
Cl3m3ntin3: DAMOCLES BOY.
D4m0cl3s: so you're not going on a date?
Cl3m3ntin3: no you idiot you think i have enough time to be meeting new people when i spend all my free time sending you nudes? was just fucking with you wanted to see if you cared
D4m0cl3s: you could have just asked
Cl3m3ntin3: you'd have told me you hate me
D4m0cl3s: BECAUSE I DO you're actually mental
Cl3m3ntin3: he he u luv it
D4m0cl3s: i don't
Cl3m3ntin3: do basically started crying when you thought someone else might take your place
D4m0cl3s: you didn't even give me a chance to clean myself up you fucking menace !! just made me cum and then did a 180 what did you expect me to do?! you know how sad my dick looks right now?
Cl3m3ntin3: no show me
D4m0cl3s: get fucked you little cretin
Cl3m3ntin3: let me see your sad cock :(
D4m0cl3s: you're never seeing it again you don't deserve it after that little stunt
Cl3m3ntin3: so... ill see it tonight?
D4m0cl3s: .... .......... ............... probably now fuck off i've got a day to get on with might even go on a date
Cl3m3ntin3: no you won't :D
D4m0cl3s: i hate you x
Cl3m3ntin3: denial x
D4m0cl3s is offline
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"Jesus Christ," you say, tone full of surprise when you walk into your living room. It's just gone midday, and you've finally risen from your hangover pit of despair.
Following the conversation with your Damocles boy, you had decided a nap was in order, but it only served to make your headache even worse. Turns out, the orgasm had just been a temporary solution. You need paracetemol, and you need it now.
"Jimin, actually," an equally hungover mess groans from your sofa. He's bundled in blankets, a pouty chin hooked over the armrest to look at you with puppy dog eyes. His expression screams 'water pls'.
"And Jungkook," a second voice whines from behind the sofa. A hand rises from the direction of the voice, covered in thick black inkings, before falling with a thud.
Your lips hang ajar as you look at them both, far more confused than you should be. When you glance over to the kitchen counter, you're greeted with the sight of what must have been a rager. There are bottles everywhere - mainly soju and beer - and there's a sticky sheen pooling around their bases. A packet of crisps is open on the hob, but most of the actual crisps are scattered on the floor. You're willing to bet good money on Jungkook being responsible for those.
"The fuck happened last night?" You ask, though you're able to pick up enough context clues from the photobooth pictures that are on your fridge door. They're stuck in place with washi tape, of which you don't remember buying.
"You didn't buy it," Jungkook says when you ask about it. "Stole it from the photobooth place. Little klepto."
"Brilliant," you grimace. The last thing you need is a scandal going around about Kim Seokjin's troublesome younger sister and her thieving ways. The media love a scandal, and Jin has been able to avoid them for the most part. "Joon and Jin?"
"Headed home before us," Jimin tells you. "Really don't remember a thing, do you?"
The last thing you remember is messaging your Damocles boy in the bathroom stall. You don't even really remember how the conversation ended. The rest of the night? Never happened, in your mind.
Still reeling, the day wastes away from you all.
It's spent huddled up on your sofa, Jungkook's Spotify connected to your speaker, as you try and decipher exactly what happened the night before. It's like you're the cast of a shitty Hollywood movie from 10 years ago - nothing makes sense, but it also kind of all does. Jungkook's got the least patchy memories. Remembers how you got home, at least.
There's only one thing he doesn't mention - partially because it happened this morning, not last night, but also because he wants to spare your dignity.
He's a light sleeper. Especially the mornings after a few too many drinks. As soon as the alcohol flushes his body, he has to get up, get water, go to the bathroom. Set his world to rights. This morning had been no exception.
Just a shame he happened to wake a mere matter of moments before your Damocles boy had called you.
No words had been spoken, no conversation took place - but with your phone angled awkwardly for prime shots of your most intimate areas, you had moaned a little louder than usual to make sure the mic picked it up.
And so Jungkook had heard it all - and had recognised the click of a Hush call coming to an end. He's had more than enough himself to know the tone by now.
Watching on as you laugh with Jimin about something nonsensical, mid-afternoon sun pouring through the cracks in your curtains, Jungkook is curious.
You don't notice the way he's studying you, nibbling on his lip ring as he does so.
The running joke between the pair of you about dating to piss off Jin has always been exactly that - a joke - but the idea of you dating someone else in the industry makes him feel a little... off.
He doesn't question it, though. Doesn't really know what to make of it. Doesn't like it, mind you.
As the evening begins to draw in, Jimin leaves first, with Jungkook set to follow suit half an hour later. He tells you he'll leave at 6, but he's still on your sofa when it hits 7:05PM.
"There's something about you lately," he says, scheming, dark eyes narrow. You narrow yours back right back.
"How so?"
"Dunno," he smiles. He wants to ask who you're fucking about with, but it seems too forward. You're close, and have been for years, but not as close as you used to be. His fault, really. He's the one who ditched you when he started dating some songwriter a few years back. "You just seem... preoccupied. What's going on with you, fizz?"
The nickname is so natural that it rolls off Jungkook's tongue as if he hadn't stopped calling you it around the same time he got that girlfriend. She didn't last long, but the slight chill to your friendship had.
"Haven't heard that in a while," you smile right back, as you take a sip on the fizzy orangade that you adore so much it had become a bloody nickname.
"Still suits you," he says, and he's right. Fizzy by name, fizzy by nature. "So you gonna tell me?"
You're not really sure what he wants you to say, so just shrug. "I'm fine, buddy. Are you okay?"
"I'm cool," he nods, aware of the fact you definitely don't want to talk about whatever it is going on with you - so he changes topic. "Nervous about tour, if I'm being honest. You're coming, right? Been contracted on?"
"Uh-huh," you nod. "For the European leg, at least. They haven't sent out contracts yet for the US leg."
"You'll be on it," he says with absolute certainty. He can't see any reason why you wouldn't be. They all like having you around. It's nice having a familiar face backstage. Nice having a friend.
"Hopefully," you agree, very aware that your job is incredibly sought after. You're not the only nepotism baby around, and know that the US leg will be a lot more... political, as it were. Record label execs will all be fighting for attention from the boys, and that could mean putting overqualified suits in job positions like yours, just for a little bit of Scout exposure.
"You really think they're gonna kick you off the roster?" he smiles, nudging you with his foot from across the sofa. "We'd all riot. Even Yoongi."
Now that is something you doubt.
"He'd probably be leading the counter-riot to have me kicked off," you roll your eyes.
"He's just pissy that he can't be annoyed with you," Jungkook laughs. "He wants to hate how you got hired, but he knows you're good at what you do. Knows that you'd have got the job with or without your bloodline."
"Or," you counter. "He really does just hate me."
Jungkook shakes his head. He's noticed Yoongi's coldness recently, too. Puts it down to stress from touring so intensely. Things were definitely different than they used to be - not necessarily any better, nor worse. Just different.
"It's understandable," Jungkook taunts you. "You are pretty unbearable."
He catches your foot as you go to kick him, surprised by how strong your legs actually are - but you're no match for his upper body strength. Not even when you try and use your other leg, as well.
"Some boys actually enjoy my company," you protest, still struggling a little.
"Uh-huh," Jungkook nods, biting down on his bottom lip. His eyes are sparkling in the same way they did after last night's concert. He's just messing, flirting with you for the fun of it, but he knows he shouldn't. Knows he's only doing it cause he knows you're talking to someone else. He's lost your affections before, and while you're just friends, he still doesn't like the idea of it happening again. He likes being number one. Likes being top of the food chain. "Sure they do."
He thinks he has the upper hand here, but he hasn't realised you've stopped fighting against his grip. You're gentle in the way you move your legs, lowering them just a little until they're on his lap. He lets them be. Pays no notice to the fact he's not entirely soft beneath his sweats.
You ignore it, too. Kind of. Press down a little, just to let him know you know. He doesn't react. Just cocks one of his brows, as if to say, 'so?'
And then he figures that throwing caution to the wind is the best option here. He doesn't want to let things get out of hand, and he's sure you don't either.
"So are you gonna tell me about your Hush boy now or later?"
The way your jaw drops is almost comical. The pressure of your feet eases, and Jungkook is sad to lose it, but he doesn't resist as you pull your legs up to your chest in panic. He's still got that cocksure grin on his face, amused by your reaction.
"What?" He smirks, reclining back into the corner of the sofa. His legs spread a little, and the bulge is even more noticeable. He's doing it to fuck with you, now. You don't even look in its direction, but he still has the nerve to say, "Eyes up here, fizz."
"My eyes are up," you almost gasp. "And so are you, apparently."
Jungkook knocks his head to the side, and scrunches his nose a little. Being called out for it makes him a little awkward, even when he's the most confident guy you've ever known.
"I'm just hungover-"
"Yeah, yeah," you roll your eyes, before reciting the same bullshit he always says. "I'm always more horny when I'm hungover."
The way you say it is so whiney that Jungkook can't help but laugh. "I don't sound like that you prick - and stop deflecting. I heard you this morning. Sounds like I'm not the only one who suffers from horny hangovers."
It's about now that your face blossoms with the most delightful shade of red. Your cheeks are hot, and Jungkook can see how mortified you are. He finds it fucking hilarious.
"You didn't."
"Oh," he sings. "But I did."
"I'm gonna throw up," you grimace. Flirting with Jungkook is all well and good, but the idea of him hearing you get yourself off is shameful. Truly horrific.
"You didn't remember that me and Jimin had crashed here, did you?" He teases, knowing that you'd have never done it had you known they were in the next room over - or maybe you would have done. You just would have been a little more discreet.
"Didn't have a clue," you confirm, before burying your head in a sofa cushion. This is probably the most tragic conversation you've ever had with Jungkook.
He just laughs. Finds it hilarious.
"You didn't hear anything," you tell him. "Forget it ever happened."
"Was kinda hot," he shrugs - but fails to tell you that his current semi isn't the first time he's been hard in your apartment today. "Doesn't answer my question, though. Who's your Hush guy?"
Your face screws up like a paper napkin. This is not a conversation you want to be having, nor one you thought you'd be having a few minutes ago when your feet were on his cock.
In fact, your eyes are still closed, face all cute and regretful when you say, "How the fuck am I supposed to know? Doesn't that defeat the object of Hush?"
Jungkook laughs. "Give over. Who is he?"
"I'm being serious," you say, and notice the way Jungkook's smile shifts. He looks a little concerned, now, brows hard. "I don't know."
"Fizz," he says, too shocked to address you by anything but a dumb nickname. His brows are furrowed, and it's his jaw gaping now, not yours. "How do you not know?"
And now you're confused, because you thought that anonymity was the whole point of Hush.
"We just... never disclosed it, I guess?"
"So, what?" Jungkook's tone changes. It sounds like he's accusing you now, berating you a little. You both look as bewildered as one another. "You just matched with some dude this morning and got straight to it?"
That's the only plausibility, Jungkook thinks.
He knows Hush, knows what it's like, but knows that the stakes are too high to keep the anon act up. If he isn't comfortable enough to share his identity within a day or two, he unmatches.
Sure, he's gotten himself in pretty risky conversations straight off the bat before, and has had his fair share of casual encounters thanks to the app - but he doesn't love the idea of you doing it, too. It's because he knows that he doesn't care for the girls he uses in those situations, and dislikes the idea of someone else using you like that.
"No?" You reply, a little offended. "We've been talking for like... a few months?"
Jungkook almost shrieks. "A few months?! And you don't know who he is?!"
You stay silent for a moment. You're reflecting his confusion back at him. He can't understand for the life of him why you don't see a problem with this - but you haven't worked your way through the Hush circles like he has. Your Damocles boy has been the only person you've ever given the time of day on there.
"That's the whole point?" You say, but it's really a question because you can't understand why he's so horrified.
"He could be anyone," Jungkook whispers, as if he's trying to keep your secret for you. "Anyone!"
"He's alright," you promise. "He's nice."
"You don't even know his name!"
"I'm pretty sure you can only name a handful of the girls you've fucked in the last couple of years," you scoff at his hypocrisy.
Jungkook got eyes like a hopeless romantic, all shiny and bright. People don't seem to realise such appeal affords him endless opportunities for casual encounters - of which he thinks it would be rude to turn down. Or at least that's what he tells you.
Realistically, you know he just likes fucking about.
"That's not the point here, fizz, and you know it," he scolds.
"Who I may or may not send nudes to is really none of your concern, Jungkook," you tell him.
"I know that," he insists. "But if this has been going on for months..."
"Then it's still none of your concern."
He holds up his hands, eyes wide. He's waving a white flag, even if he thinks you're a walking, talking red one. "I'm not attacking you, here. I just think you need to be careful."
"I'm fine," you tell him softly, and he's pleased when you smile at him in that fond way he's so used to. It feels a lot safer than the confusion on your face a moment ago. You know his concern comes from a good place. "It's just what works for us. It's as much my choice as it is his."
Jungkook nods, and lets it go, but not before warning you, "I'm not the only one of the guys on there. Tae and Jin, we both know they're not, but the rest of them? I dread to think of what Jin would do if he found out Joon was phone fucking his little sister."
You laugh now. Really laugh.
"I'm not kidding!" Jungkook protests.
"I'd recognise any of you in an instant," you tell him, and you really believe it.
You have no doubt in your mind that you'd be able to sense any of them off from miles away. They're too familiar.
"I fucking hope so," he laughs, and while you're laughing too, you feel a little uneasy.
Maybe he has a point. Maybe you do need to dig a little deeper.
But as Jungkook leaves, and you check your phone only to find a new message waiting from your Damocles boy, you can't help but feel a little out of your depth already.
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21:43PM
D4m0cl3s: whyyyy am i so obsessed with u
22:10PM
leaving me on read? that's a new one (plus will probably only make me a little more obsessed (something about toxic girls that just really gets to me))
22:32PM
i lied i don't like toxic girls pls don't ignore me clem :(
Cl3m3ntin3: hey sorry was just a little busy
D4m0cl3s: it's cool you okay?
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah yeah, im all good you?
D4m0cl3s: im okay you seem a little... i dunno. off?
Cl3m3ntin3: sorry i'm fine really
D4m0cl3s: yanno, you say one thing but the way you're writing sends a whole entire different message it's v confusing, clem
Cl3m3ntin3: sorry i don't mean to be im all good, honest
D4m0cl3s: stop saying sorry
22:54PM
clem whats up you're never like this, you got me worried
Cl3m3ntin3: you sat at home worrying over a girl you can't even imagine?
D4m0cl3s: wdym?
Cl3m3ntin3: it's not like you can picture me not like you can think of my face so what are you thinking about when you're worrying? some pixels? your phone?
D4m0cl3s: right. where has all this come from? please know my face is very confused right now so whatever you imagine when you think of me - 'cause let's remember that you don't have a fuckin' clue what i look like either - add a little confusion to it that should do the job.
Cl3m3ntin3: i'm gonna add a little anger to it 'cause you seem pissed off
D4m0cl3s: well, yeah? i kind of am i don't get why you're, like, attacking me? like im the only one keeping a secret? it's you and me both, clem.
00:06AM
you can't just ignore me whenever i say something you don't like
Cl3m3ntin3: no? i think i can. goes with the territory of you not knowing who the fuck i am. no repercussions.
D4m0cl3s: where the fuck has all this come from? were we not good this morning?
00:13AM
and there you go again, leaving me on read.
Cl3m3ntin3: don't act like you actually give a fuck been 3 months if you cared, surely i'd know who you are by now?
D4m0cl3s: pot, kettle, black, clem it's a two-way street and fuck you if i didn't care, i'd just be leaving your shitty attitude on read, too.
Cl3m3ntin3: how can you care about someone you don't know? really? how can you?
D4m0cl3s: are you telling me you don't care about me?
00:17AM
if this is you leaving me on read again then you can go fuck yourself. like literally just unmatch me.
Cl3m3ntin3: im not leaving you on read im trying to figure out what the fuck i want to say just give me a moment, okay?
D4m0cl3s: m'kay.
Cl3m3ntin3: i care that's, like the most important thing here. i really care. i just i had someone irl questioning me about you today and it kind of left me stumped. why don't you want to know who i am?
D4m0cl3s: i kinda hate that an outsider has swayed your opinion on me so much don't get me wrong, i love that your friends care about you just hate that it makes you think i don't
Cl3m3ntin3: that's not an answer
D4m0cl3s: patience is a virtue, clem i was getting there my line of work... i cant commit to anything. it isn't fair. it isn't fair to let someone get invested in me. the moment you know who i am, everything changes it's far easier for you to be detached if i'm just a few pixels if this isn't physical
Cl3m3ntin3: you've spent 3 months getting yourself off to me and me alone that's commitment, isn't it?
D4m0cl3s: that's conditioning, clem you've made everything else so incredibly boring you're the only thing that excites me
Cl3m3ntin3: and yet...
D4m0cl3s: and yet. clem, we both know the second this becomes more than what it already is, there's no taking it back. i don't wanna lose this don't wanna lose you.
Cl3m3ntin3: i think it's really sad that you think being honest will result in losing me
D4m0cl3s: just how the cookie crumbles, clem i've seen it happen with my friends you were right when you said you deserve more than dick pics from some rando on the internet but even if you knew who i was, that's all i'd be able to give you i like you too much to cope with knowing how disappointed you'd be by the outcome of my grand reveal a few pixels can only disappoint you so much a real, tangible human? so much more.
Cl3m3ntin3: just a rando on the internet who sends me dick pics and yet you've got me feeling all kinds of fucked up
D4m0cl3s: it's mutual, if it helps really did mean it when i said i was obsessed with u earlier and for the record i don't really imagine a person when i think of you more of like.. i dunno. an aura? i guess. peachy. orange. a little green. very clementine inspired maybe that's it maybe i imagine clementines my teeny tiny clementine
Cl3m3ntin3: you make my heart hurt
D4m0cl3s: you make my heart hurt, too
Cl3m3ntin3: i'm sorry for... like going off at you
D4m0cl3s: it's cool kind of nice to see this side of you, i guess ur ego isn't always big shock
Cl3m3ntin3: oh no it is this is all the result of a bruised ego was very offended that you didn't wanna know i am i'll have you know one of my friends got a semi just looking at me earlier and yet the guy who makes me cum doesn't even wanna know me &lt;///333
D4m0cl3s: firstly lets stop with this nonsense, okay? i would kill to know who you are and as soon as we're both in situations where it's fair i'm booking you a taxi and routing it straight for my place also fuck ur friend (not literally pls)
Cl3m3ntin3: oh? not gonna wine and dine me first? (i wont)
D4m0cl3s: absolutely not first thing im doing is checking to see if your head can fit through doors, you egomaniac
Cl3m3ntin3: and the second thing?
D4m0cl3s: fucking the rest of that ego out of you ♡♡
Cl3m3ntin3: and they say romance is dead
D4m0cl3s: im not the most romantic of guys
Cl3m3ntin3: i'll pretend im shocked
D4m0cl3s: are we good, clem?
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah we're good im sorry for getting so in my head about things don't even know why i got so pissed about you not being able to imagine me when i literally can't imagine you either lmao
D4m0cl3s: what do you think of when you think of me?
Cl3m3ntin3: honestly?
D4m0cl3s: honestly...
Cl3m3ntin3: your cock lmao i wish i could say something cute like your aura, but i'd simply be lying
D4m0cl3s: for fucks sake haha
Cl3m3ntin3: good cock, at least great cock, some would say
D4m0cl3s: some?
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah not me i'd say average :)
D4m0cl3s: average? AVERAGE?
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah :D
D4m0cl3s: i... do you need reminding or something?
Cl3m3ntin3: no? it's average :) !
D4m0cl3s: the man was too stunned to speak
Cl3m3ntin3: maybe i do need reminding then? could have sworn it was average? maybe even a little smaller?
D4m0cl3s: you are rubbing salt in a wound, miss teeny tiny clementine i've never been more offended
Cl3m3ntin3: hmm... prove me wrong?
D4m0cl3s: i want it on record that i hate you
Cl3m3ntin3: sure you do, baby
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
D4m0cl3s: does this help?
Cl3m3ntin3: a little? not much, though maybe it would help if I had some more context? maybe you should play with it for me a little bit?
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
D4m0cl3s: like this?
Cl3m3ntin3: ooo that's a little better only a little, though maybe more?
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
D4m0cl3s: what about now?
Cl3m3ntin3: maybe you should play with your balls a little? for like... spacial awareness?
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
yeah, that helps that really helps
D4m0cl3s: still average? or does it look like we both know it does?
Cl3m3ntin3: how do we both know it looks?
D4m0cl3s: like it would ruin your tight little cunt
Cl3m3ntin3: damn, damocles you're really coming for me now, aren't you? what happened to my pretty little pussy you love so much? it's cunt now?
D4m0cl3s: you don't want me playing nice right now you wouldn't be telling me i'm below average if you did you want me fucking you like i have a point to prove
Cl3m3ntin3: and what point would that be?
D4m0cl3s: that once i finally get to fuck your (pretty, perfect, fucking incredible) cunt, it's mine mine, and no one else's especially not that friend of yours who got hard looking at you
Cl3m3ntin3: i spy with my little eye something that begins with J (it ends in 'ealousy', suga) sugar** lmao typo
D4m0cl3s: suga on the brain? you a scouts fan?
Cl3m3ntin3: they're fine not what i want to be thinking of right now, tho
D4m0cl3s: my bad well, no, your bad actually who's your favourite member?
Cl3m3ntin3: shuuuuush time and place, babe also i have an idea
D4m0cl3s: go on?
Cl3m3ntin3: you got a bottle close by?
D4m0cl3s: ermmm like water bottle?
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah
D4m0cl3s: i've a chilsung?
Cl3m3ntin3: perfect me too wanna see your hand wrapped around it
D4m0cl3s: .... i have a cock right here and hard for you .... and you wanna see my hand around a bottle?
Cl3m3ntin3: just do it baby
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
oh my fucking god
D4m0cl3s: what?
Cl3m3ntin3 added new media to the chat!
oh holy shit why is your hand so small it doesn't even get around the bottle?????!! i'd literally like... eclipse it
Cl3m3ntin3: uh huh now wrap your hand around your cock you know the size difference now you know exactly what it'd look like
D4m0cl3s: god i'm gonna fucking destroy you arent i
Cl3m3ntin3: uh huh i think so jesus christ i haven't even been touching myself and look at the state of me
Cl3m3ntin3 added new media to the chat!
you did this this is all you
D4m0cl3s: all mine i'm never gonna share you god i gotta fuck you
Cl3m3ntin3: we've literally just had a full entire fuck off conversation as to why you cant
D4m0cl3s: im a boy im stupid i cant be trusted to make such decisions let me fuck you please
Cl3m3ntin3: no, baby you know you can't you gotta be patient
Cl3m3ntin3 added new media to the chat!
think of how well you'll be rewarded
D4m0cl3s: no i gotta fuck you i need to i think i might die if i can't
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
so hard that death is the only option
Cl3m3ntin3: the way you hold it around the base always gets me so fucked up all i can think about is the fact it will look just like that when you guide it into me
Cl3m3ntin3 added new media to the chat!
reckon im wet enough for you?
D4m0cl3s: i think you're wet enough that i'll never need to drink water again so fucking hot literally how the fuck do you even get that wet
Cl3m3ntin3: wish i could tell you truth is you're the only one who's ever got me like that
D4m0cl3s: fuck don't say shit like that, clem im too close
Cl3m3ntin3: you can cum, baby i wanna see it
D4m0cl3s: can i call? i wanna watch you too
Cl3m3ntin3: yes please pretty please
D4m0cl3s: always so good for me, clem ain't no fuckin' way im ever losing this
Cl3m3ntin3: just call me you sentimental prick ;)
Incoming call from D4m0cl3s Accept | Decline (01 minute : 37 seconds) Call ended.
Cl3m3ntin3: im so furious that was a call and not a video you fucking whined WHINED jesus i might cum again just thinking about it
D4m0cl3s: and they say men are easy
Cl3m3ntin3: fuck you, you know you're hot
D4m0cl3s: do i?
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah yeah you fucking do give me all this shit for my ego, but jesus christ you know exactly what you do to me
D4m0cl3s: and you know it's mutual the whine... yeah that wasn't intentional you're just??? unreal????
Cl3m3ntin3: probably a good idea that we don't ever fuck i think i'd stop being able to function like a useful member of society would just want to spend all day in bed with you
D4m0cl3s: you say that as we don't spend a fair amount of our free time doing exactly that just... not together but still together kinda i guess? does that make sense?
Cl3m3ntin3: it makes sense i'm sorry about earlier, still
D4m0cl3s: im sorry, too i know that this isn't like... conventional
Cl3m3ntin3: conventional is boring im gonna go get a shower quickly talk later?
D4m0cl3s: talk later miss u already x
D4m0cl3s is offline
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BIG HIT ENT OFFICES Yongsan-gu, Seoul
"You can stop avoiding me, yanno," Jungkook mumbles as he comes to stand beside you.
The grey corridors of Big Hit all look the same, but this one's a little different. It's The Scouts stomping ground; space reluctantly given to them after the success of the last album. Told management they needed studios to work in underdisturbed. Three of them. Tae and Jin didn't care for one - are happy doing their own shit in the dingy old practise room in the basement - but Yoongi, Namjoon and Jungkook all threw tantrums.
Well, less-so trantrums and more-so well put together business plans an ROI graphs for some of the senior bosses. Hoseok was in charge of overseeing it all, and blew far too much budget on it - something of which has bitten them all in the arse, and keeps them tied to their label for longer, but they have freedoms, at least. More than most bands in their field. Oppotunities. Visibility.
At the far end of the corridor, closest to the snack machine, is Jungkook's studio.
There's silence as you watch the packet of chips you just chose drop into the vending chute, with little care for the fact he sounds stroppy. Though you don't look at him, you know he's pouting. Can hear it in his voice.
It's been a few days since he left your apartment and you haven't really spoken since. It's not like it's totally uncommon for you to go a while without chatting, but you are aware that you left a couple memes sent to you on read.
You weren't trying to be a bitch, he just sent them at bad times, and you forgot to reply. Seems as if your lack of consideration has left him overthinking, and you feel a little bad.
You crouch, knees cracking as you do, stuffing your arm into the machine and retrieving your purchases - plural. A packet of chips for you, and banana milk for him. He narrows his eyes as you hold it towards him. You're still crouched, eyes a little wide but impatient.
"Take it or I'll drink it myself, you big baby."
He wants to resist, but he can't. Something just so tempting about banana milk. Gets him every time.
"Was coming to see you, actually," you say as you return to your full posture, knocking your head to the side to indicate you want to walk. He follows your lead like he always does. It explains the banana milk, at least, and makes him feel a little easier. "Just been busy, haven't been avoiding you. Stupid. Anyways, had a meeting today about the next run of shows so thought I'd pop up and say hi before I left."
He hums to let you know he's listening, encouraging you to keep on talking as he reaches the door to his studio. It's pin-protected, so you wait till he's typed in the code to continue - though realistically, you both know you could have just typed it in yourself.
"How'd it go?" He asks, both out of politeness and general curiosity. He's always keen to hear about your life; what's going on with it.
"Yeah, yeah," you nod, entering first and taking a seat in his favourite desk chair as soon as you're inside. You drape your overshirt across the back of it, and ignore the way Jungkook's eyes briefly flitter towards your chest. His gaze doesn't linger, so you don't bother teasing him about it. "All good. Just going over some health and safety stuff."
He pops his banana milk down on the desk. Frowns. Sighs. "Up."
Every single time. Him and his bloody chair.
"But there's another chair right there!" You protest, knowing full well you're in Jungkook's ridiculously overpriced gaming chair, which really has no business being in a music studio - but dear lord if it isn't the comfiest thing you've ever sat on.
"Exactly!" He wails in return. "You, there. Me, here."
The way he gestures his hands makes him look like a flight attendant, all poised and direct, but you don't budge.
"Mhmm-mm," you mumble, trying to eat a chip as Jungkook tugs on your arm. "Me, here. You there!"
"You're gonna get crumbs all over it," he says with such a pout that you can't help but laugh. You know he's got a mini vacuum in his desk drawer precisely for times like these. You know because you're the one who bought it, after the fifth time you'd argued over something as trivial as a few crumbs.
"I won't," you pout right back, then promise, "I'll wipe my fingers."
He's about to say something back, before he realises that you are wiping your fingers - right along the hem of his shirt.
"For fucks sake, you little shit," he moans, wrapping his arm around your head to get you in a headlock. Should have just done this earlier, he thinks. The pair of you struggle for a moment, but he's too bloody strong. You squeal as he drags you off the chair and plonks you down in the spare seat. "Much better."
"You suck," you huff as you kick out at him, but miss as he sits himself down and rolls away with a cheeky little grin on his face.
He's about to reply all rather childishly, but a knock at his door breaks the contact of his eyes on yours.
You're thankful for the interruption. You don't like the way it feels when you look at Jungkook these days. It's a bit... too much.
"Who is it?" Jungkook calls, the frosted glass hiding the intruder, but not really. Even you can make out who it is.
"Yoongi," he calls through, to which Jungkook tells him that he can let himself in. He's one of the chosen few; the secret circle. In all reality, every single one of the boys knows Jungkook's passwords, but he tells himself otherwise. Somehow likes the idea of exclusivity.
"Hey, I- oh," Yoongi begins as he enters the room, stopping as he realises you're there. He's dressed down, a pair of black slacks and a white shirt a fair few sizes too large draped over his shoulders.
Dressed quite a lot like you, actually, though your slacks are fitted and high-waisted, and the white shirt you're in is tight. It clings to your skin, and now that your overshirt is hooked over the back of Jungkook's chair, there's not much hiding your silhouette.
They've both seen you in far less - there's a mutual agreement to never speak of your twenty-third birthday party and the bath debacle - but it's not often you're in anything that doesn't hide you up a little. It's just professionalism, and considering you're mostly around them at work, it makes sense.
But your shirt had ridden up a little from the struggle with Jungkook, and your midriff is distracting for Yoongi, apparently. He stays silent. Looks at you. Looks at Jungkook. Looks at your shirt, which is crumpled by Jungkook. Looks at the mess your hair is in following the headlock. Is unaware of the headlock ever taking place. Adds 2 and 2 and gets 5.
"Didn't realise you had company," Yoongi musters. "My bad."
"Don't mind me," you smile. "I can get gone, if you need time with Jungkook?"
"No, no," Yoongi insists, before turning to focus on Jungkook. The way he cuts the conversation short with you weighs on you. You and Yoongi had never been close, not in the same way you were with Jungkook, but there was a time when you would have been invited along with whatever he needed Jungkook for. Hasn't been that way for a while now, but it still makes you sad. "Just running through that demo you sent over, I've got some notes. I'll be in the studio all evening, so just come by whenever you're... done."
It dawns on you pretty quickly that Yoongi's jumping to conclusions. Your cheeks begin to flame, and you have to stop yourself from awkwardly laughing.
"I'm actually heading off now," you mumble, getting to your feet. The last thing you need is yet another thing for Yoongi to hold against you.
You like to tell yourself it's the whole nepotism thing - and honestly, it's an undeniable part of his disdain for you lately.
But you also know it's something more.
See, there are two things you and Yoongi will never speak of.
The first is your twenty-third birthday party, and the bath debacle that came with it. It was harmless, and he wasn't the only one there - Jimin and Jungkook played their part too - but it's an avoided topic to preserve your dignity more than anything else.
The second thing you will never discuss is the night that never was. The one you both agreed never happened.
When he looks at you, you know he's thinking about it.
But it's your best-kept secret, and you'd quite like to keep it that way, so you make your excuses and leave. Jungkook says bye, and that he'll text later. Yoongi doesn't even really look at you as you leave.
There's a momentum to your heartbeat as you leave the building, your staff pass beeping like a hospital monitor as you go through security. There's a buzz in your back pocket as soon as you're through the doors - not the kind you long for from your Damocles boy, but a just regular kakaotalk message.
When you pull up your phone and see his name, you're surprised, but also a little concerned. You wait until you're at the bus stop to check his messages - and when you do, you wish you never did.
Yoongi (personal): I've said the same to Jungkook as I'm gonna say to you. Think about it from Jin's perspective.
You can't help but laugh at his sheer audacity. Of all people, Yoongi has absolutely no right to berate you, nor your choices. He's completely missed the mark of the relationship between you and Jungkook - and he's really in no place to judge. No place at all.
And so you tell him as such.
You: Not really sure what you're getting at But tell me, Yoongi, did you think about it from Jin's perspective?
You know better than to mention the night that never was. Neither of you have spoken about it for months - a full year, almost - but he deserves to think about it if he's going to be a prick. Deserves to remember. Deserves to have it linger.
You watch as your messages are marked as 'read', and then you mute your notifications from him. How he thinks he has any right to police what you do - and who you do it with - infuriates you. Why waste your time, though? He's been nothing but an absolute arse to you over the past couple of months. Nothing will change it.
The frustration in your mind has you wanting to watch the world roll by. You let the bus you usually board roll on by, opting for the longer route instead. It won't come for another few minutes, but it's not so bad out today. The weather is bearable.
It's as you're waiting - a face of thunder and scowl foul enough to rival even Yoongi's on a bad day - that your phone buzzes. The corner of your lips curl. Cheeks turn pink. It vibrates again. And a third time.
So even though you mentally scold yourself for not waiting until you get home, you find yourself unlocking your phone and heading to Hush.
And sure enough, there he is.
D4m0cl3s: working late tonight
The second message is a picture. Has you gasping. It's a pair of dark trousers, unbuckled, zip down, but still in place - pushed open enough for you to see the thick outline of a bulge in white Calvins.
D4m0cl3s: thinking about you x
A soft laugh escapes your lips, and you forget all about your bad mood.
You reply, a grin on your face so large that you think it could rival a Cheshire cat.
Cl3m3ntin3: and they say romance is dead?? ♡♡
He replies instantly.
D4m0cl3s: i'm not trying to romance you, clem i'm trying to seduce you :) is it working? Cl3m3ntin3: no x D4m0cl3s: what about now??
The picture he sends through is obscene. Belongs in the centrefold of a top shelf magazine. Has you fucking drooling, a light whimper escaping your lips. The harsh wind of a taxi storming by reminds you that you're in public. You look over your shoulder to make sure there's no one walking by - not because you don't want to get caught looking at it, but so you can oogle at it for a little bit longer.
His fingers are wrapped around his thick cock, his grip tight. Like, real fucking tight. His foreskin is pulled down, and there's a small pool of thick precum glistening on his tip. It's so minimal, but so central to the photo that you know it's the main focus. He's letting you know just how horny he is, just how ready he is to fuck himself into you - and he's hoping that your pussy will be leaking like that, too.
Cl3m3ntin3: i'm on my way home can you wait for like 20 minutes? D4m0cl3s: i've got all night, clem take your time i'll be waiting for you Cl3m3ntin3: be home soooooon D4m0cl3s: travel safe, clemmie x Cl3m3ntin3: simp.
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devilmademewriteit · 1 year
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completely inspired by a gif set u reblogged. Javi helping you into a bullet proof/tactical vest. you’re scared and he just says a gentle “arms up” as he secures the velcro. he’s scared as well, doesn’t wanna lose you, doesn’t want you to get hurt. but it’s like the fear, the adrenaline, has your emotions haywire and you look into his eyes as he takes hold of your hand so gently and tells you that you’re gonna be okay, and you just want to kiss him, and he wants to kiss you too, but then it’s time to go, and he tells you “later”
IDK WHAT THIS IS LMFAO Javi brings the slut outta me
you’ve inspired me anon here is a TINY FIC/DRABBLE YEEEEEEEE
pairing: javier peña x fem!afab!reader
warnings: fem!afab!reader; use of pet name ‘sweetheart’; canon-typical allusions to violence; language; ANGSTY POO
omg I can’t believe there’s no smut. GUYS I WROTE SOMETHING WITHOUT SMUT. I loooove writing my javi tho so while im busting my ass working on Salvatore part 3 feel so free to leave me lil thingies like this.
-em<3
“Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have, but—”
It was never supposed to be like this.
It was just a summer job — something safe, boring, admin and agendas and addendums. Should’ve known better, taking a government job in the world’s most dangerous city.
She should’ve known better, taking a government job in the world’s most dangerous city. Shit. My chest feels like it’s on fire, burnin’ through kerosene.
Is she gonna clock how unsteady I am?
Javi’s footsteps echo down the nearby hallway; you recognize them immediately, and their slanted, hard-right-drag-left rhythm. He comes lumbering through the door, cradling tactical gear between his big, bulging biceps. God, you’d had… thoughts about those biceps.
Even now, with the embassy under cartel-siege, it’s oh-so-hard to push away the x-rated daydreams swirling inside your stress-addled mind.
And he doesn’t look scared.
Fuck, she looks so scared.
“Here,” he says, extending the protective vest towards you. Gingerly peeling your hips off of the desk at your back, you extend your fingers to greet and grab at the rough, thick canvas. The sheer weight of it makes your heart lurch into your throat. Neither one of you lowers your hands.
The dark-green-death-sweater you’d seen him wear so many times, cursing yourself for registering, for caring about what it meant.
That it meant Peña — schmoozing, cocky, effortlessly crude Javier Peña — was going into the field.
So neither of you let go.
The stupid vest had always served as a kind of divining rod, leading you both to the real source of your constant bickering, your irritation and the look of mutual, unabashed worry you had shared as a soldier came bursting into the office, panting in tune with the sirens, carrying news of the currently unfolding attack.
Caring without meaning to.
Giving a shit without wanting to.
“I-“ you swallow, trailing off, cursing the swelling bubble forming at neck-breaking speed inside your throat, “I don’t know what to do with this.”
Of course she doesn’t. That one’s on me. ‘Thing like her should never have to wear one of these.
Shouldn’t even have to see one of these.
“S’okay,” he mutters, taking the burden of the gear into his hands, brow furrowing into a look of delicate responsibility. “Turn around.”
Under different circumstances, those words might’ve (embarrassingly enough) enticed a very different feeling from you.
Now, they were simply effective.
Acceding, you rotate, painfully slowly as every hair along your spine lifts, one after the other. Peña shuffles, adjusting both himself and the gear to stand close — too close — behind you.
“Arms up, sweetheart.”
You listen, dragging your arms up into the static air, trying to ignore the soft edge in his voice. It reminds you of something.
Something like resistance.
Stifled want.
Desire with a sock shoved down its bone-dry throat.
And it’s so level, so calm. How is he so calm?
Can she tell I’m totally freaking out?
Your shoulders sag under the weight of the vest. Jesus. It’s so much heavier than you’d imagined. Not quite as heavy as the feeling of doom settling over you, grief from the naive sense of safety you’d walked into work with.
Just this morning.
Javi busies himself with the Velcro, uncharacteristically silent. His knuckles brush the insides of your wrists, and you try to resist it — God, you really do — but all efforts to keep those prickling tears at bay are undertaken in vain.
You quiver slightly, face burning in shame.
Is she shaking?
Gentle, unusually gentle when his fingers wrap around your upper arm, spinning you around to face him once more.
“Look at me.”
You do. His shadowed eyes swim, dance, rage with experience, and you’re left envious, wishing that you’d hardened yourself to the world in the same way. How many times had this man woken up, driven to work, drunk his morning coffee and smoked his morning smoke, accepting that it could be his last?
Knowing Peña, he probably found ways not to think about it.
For sure, he didn’t think about it.
But you did.
Every time that vest came out.
“Everything’s gonna be fine, alright?”
It’s an almost whisper, a mere brush of air against your brow. His own creases in earnestness as he utters the pledge.
“How can you do this for a living?”
You don’t mean for it to come out so rough and jagged, hissing for help like a neglected kettle on the stove. Javi offers you a smile of understanding as though remembering his own first time.
Then, before either of you can stop it, he places the flat of his palm to your cheek.
And you can’t keep from noticing how easily the calloused pad of his thumb molds to your complying skin.
“You get used to it,” he returns, and every word is coated, soaked in the sad, tragic truth. “Though this part’s always hard.”
Nothing exists beyond the smell of tobacco on his breath and the total absorption in his eyes. You’re sure the latter is mirrored in your own, too.
Timid, uneasy, begging him to ease the discomfort for you. “What part is this?”
The part where I lie to you. The part where I bubble-wrap the only thing in this country worth protecting into a shitty, almost useless accessory of war.
The part where I remember—
Is it the part where we remember how easily we could lose each other?
And we don’t even have each other, for God’s sake. Lookin’ up at me as if she can trust me, and the only thing I’ve been able to trust for years is that the moment will come, that moment where it all just gets to be too much and fuck—is this it? Maybe—
This is the part where we—
Kiss her, God, I just wanna fuckin’ kiss her—
Kiss?
“Peña! Time to move!”
Murphy’s voice slices — easily — through the tentative moment of uncertainty. It erodes the softness of Javi’s features into that familiar, hardened stone.
His hand drops from your face, but the tracings linger.
If you couldn’t trust the world outside, maybe you could trust Javi inside. Maybe he’d learned to live without something to lean on, but you weren’t yet prepared to go on—
She doesn’t know how much I fuckin’ need her. Or how many times I’ve tried to say it—and in so many ways—but every time I open my goddamn mouth it just comes out… wrong. Like it’s not enough. Like it’s not true that I can finally fuckin’ breathe when she’s… just… existing around me. Like losing her wouldn’t mean goin’ on—
Faithlessly. Radically accepting the confusing, overwhelming uncertainty of the world.
He clears his throat.
“I’ll see you after.”
Your gaze tumbles down, averting the twinge of dishonesty in his own at his promise.
“Yeah—yeah, see you after.”
He backs away without turning. For a moment, you think he’s gearing up to say something. Something like he always says, like, don’t be a fuckin’ idiot, or use your head or maybe even a smile, sweetheart.
But he doesn’t. He just shakes his head, his dark hair tumbling around and exaggerating his hesitation. Although it hurts, you force yourself to watch as he walks away. How he bows his crown, brings a hand up to anxiously rub at the side of his jaw, the roundness of his shoulder responding and near-bulging under the blue cotton.
Admittedly, a kiss from Javier Peña would’ve been nice.
But to be cradled between those arms, wrapped up in him instead of the goddamn tactical gear squeezing, robbing the air from your lungs…
That would’ve been it.
When this is all over, you think to yourself.
And as Javi greets Steve, apologizing for the delay, the hand squeezing his gun feels strangely empty, haunted by the novelty of touching your burning skin.
When this is all over, he thinks to himself.
Anyways, isn’t that what faith is? Making plans for later, as if anyone’s ‘later’ is promised, a guarantee? As if either of you could count on tomorrow?
Yeah, that’s gotta be it.
Joining the gaggle of scared, hopeless government employees, desperate for reassurance, for the realization blooming inside the depths of your knowing; you pause, letting it hit you, translating it into words…
“—I have it.”
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cloudcountry · 10 months
Text
thank you to the three people that tagged me in the twst author spotlight ^^ irene, siren, and sapphy, thank you. i read what you said about me and i was very touched. i didnt think i would gain so many friends in such a short period of time, and you all deserve to be recognized for your contributions to the twst community!! :D
EVERYONE LOOK AT MY FRIENDS.
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@tinyletterz, who has a beautiful soul and amazing writing. i've known her since my baby days on quotev writing for a fandom which shall not be named, and it's so such a pleasure being her friend. she writes twst x reader content and has a gorgeous series about flower languages that i think about a lot. thank you remy for helping me get accustomed to tumblr, you're the og!!
@shkrmpp, who was my first mutual that i'd never met before here. thank you for asking about jellyfish and being such a bubbly presence on my dash. shrimpy writes x reader content and creates adorable art!! their hair dye series with the leech twins is super cute and i find myself thinking about teh floyd part in particular very often ^^
@fukashiin, with the prettiest themes and the gorgeous art style. winou CONSISTENTLY writes absolute bangers that make me so giddy. this one in particular is one of my favorites, and her writing style reminds me of a soft summer breeze. she's such a bubbly person and its so fun talking to her, even if we don't talk often. ^^ she's one of the three people that keeps my deuce content afloat.
one could say many things about the beloved @hisui-dreamer!! from the way she adores her friends to teh way she writes, rinna is always soft and sweet. she radiates comfort and is such a soothing person, i feel so safe around her. she writes x reader content and every single piece is its own masterpiece. she's one of my closest friends on here and i wish nothing but the best for her every day.
@merotwst, who has a bucnh of adorable oc content (on @meromessy !!) and writes x readers!! ellie in on haitus right now takinga well deserved break. <3 but she writing is amazing and i am FLOORED whenever i see her art!!! it's literally so gorgeous and i don't understand how she does it. its crazy. how is so much talent in one person.
@siren-serenity is not only a lovely author of x reader content, but also a lovely friend. ^^ siren also has an oc named melody who is so cool!!!! she was the pastor at my wedding and fought TOOTH AND NAIL for that position LMAO love u renren!!! she really writes azul SUPER WELL and im so happy to have met someone so calm and soothing to talk to.
@officialdaydreamer00, aka nutmeg, is a rascal. an absolutely rascal but they're really the best. they have a yuusona with LORE and a bunch of really creative & cute events!! seriously nutmeg, nobody does it like you. if you want to see our favorite twst boys in strawberry dresses or recieve a pair of cute earrings, irene's blog is the place for you!!!
@the-v-lociraptor has STELLAR art. she was one of my firts mutuals on twst tumblr and i was terrified of talking to people but her vibes were very much "i am nice you dont need to be afraid" and sniffling scared me was like "OKAY I CAN TALK TO YOU" LMAO but yeah. she draws people so,,, full. thats the only word i can use to describe it. they just look s soft and alive and its really so amazing. i love her art so much!!
@siphoklansan is another artist!! i think about the art she drew from loona's heart attack with twst character weekly basically. it has been stuck in my brain since i started following her. sippy, its trully beautiful how you mix your culture and your art together. i remember you talking about it when you were drawing fairy gala stuff and it was just stunning. please keep doing what you're doing!! i hope your hiatus proves restful <3
@ceruleancattail is one of THE most creative writers i have ever met on this platform. every time i check out their account theyre talking about a new au or doing something different. they write x reader stuff and ar ethe biggest cater kisser ever (even if they wont admit it hehe!!) their writing is so refreshing, if that makes sense. their butler au is so goofy whaahwwahwah
@moonlit-midnight has the prettiest writing style :((( hannah is literally so sweet and it shows in everything you can find on this blog. THIS BLOG HAS PLATONIC FICS TOO!!!! DID YOU KNOW THAT?????? and even better, they're inspired by hannah's own friendships :((( literally the most wholesome thing. you can find x reader's here!!!
@iseethatimicy is an x reader writer and fellow azul kisser!!! she writes some really cute stuff for oour favorite silly little cephalopod AND AND AND AND HAS SOME OCS!!! THATA ARE SUPER COOL!!!!! shimiko and icy are both so cool and interesting 9EVEN THOUGH IM VERY SHIMIKO BIASED AAAAA I LOEV SIREN TROPES !!!!!)
@ryker-writes IS SO KIND. he gave me the sweetest set of flowers for his garden event :(( i still think about them and aaaaa i havent forgotten when he fought me over me being cool LMAO so goofy wahhwaawh!! HIS OC JAXON AND RIDDLE ARE LITERALLY SO CUTE :((( he writes x reader content & makes oc content!!!
@totallymem3 draws occasionally and omgggg meme's art is gorgeous. HAVE YOU SEEN HER DRAW AZUL. her art is so soft and its honestly adorable :(( meme is such a nice mutual too!!! like i met her on anon a while ago we've been besties ever since fr. HER ART REMINDS ME OF SPRING GO CHECK IT OUT PLEASE!!!!!
@z3llous is SO TALENTED!!!! another mutual that im liek WOW how do you exist??? he creates the most stunning twst fanart :((( THE OCTAVINELLE BIAS IIS SO REAL AND SO SO OBVIOUS BUT WOW.....WOW IS IT GOOD. zell is also a game developer and if you like cute little kitties and adventure games you should totally try it out here!!!
@cecilebutcher MAKES THE BEST OCS. creator of igor and saver of the universe. im not kidding igor saved the universe IDC WHAT YOU SAY ITS CANON TO ME. cece i sliterally the sweetest and soososososo creative i am eating up every crumb of igor content i get fed. OM NOM NOM. ofc junto is nice too and hes so sweet!!! GAHH you just put so much love and care into yoru ocs its so admirable :((((
@ang33333333l is another azul kisser that i became mutuals with a while ago!!! dolls love for sebek and azul is very sweet to see and her yuusona fauna is adorable too!! she also draws her yuu and characters sometimes!! :D she doesn't have a lot of oc content up on dolls blog yet but im looking forward to seeing more!! >:D
@leonistic deserves the most underrated writer of the year award. soru writes x reader content and is another super sweet mutual of mien (I KNOW IM SAYING THAT A LOT OKAY.) she writes aroace content and its literally feeds me. seriously. their aroace azul content makes me giggle and kick my feet and GAHHHHH !!! plus they have the patient to do matchups which is crazy and i love them for that ^^
@rains-asleep is the nickname master because he calls me straubs and thats such an adorable nickname :(((( HIS WRITING IS SUPER CUTE AND IT GIVE SME SO MUCH SEROTONIN (they write x readers btw!!!!!) they recently hit 500 followers (CONGRATS AGAIN!!!!!) and they also write for haikyuu, mha, genshin impact, and obey me!!!
@shinysparklesapphires is an artists that has a lot of cool ocs!! i believe navi was the first one i was introduced to and he's such an icon ^^ sapphy is also really into precure and produces a lot of content for the fandom!! i have yet to finish the precure series she recommended to me but its good so far and laura is the best so true!!
@datboredpencil has THE most STUNNING art. if you want idia x cater content this is DEFINITELY THE BLOG FOR YOU!!! each piece has so much love poured into it and i swear. YOURE ALWAYS LIEK "its a work in progress" BUT IT STILL LOTS SO LOVELY :((( YOUR USE OF COLOR IS JUST SO MUAH!!! CHEFS KISS!!!!!!! I ADORE IT
@twistwonderlanddevotee makes really pretty backgrounds!!! i actually used the isaac one she made for my private account AND ITS SO CUTE I LOVE IT I WANT TO EAT IT SWALLOW IT WHOLE MUNCH ON IT SHAKE IT AROUND LIEK A DOG TOY ANYWAYS. i am very normal about sofia's backgrounds. PLEASE GO CHECK THEM OUT its literally so unique?? like who else makes backgroudns liek sofia. Nobody.
@queen-shiba has an open inbox everyone!! you're welcome to send in requests!!! ^^ the queen of savanaclaw makes oc content for chuki, a really sweet kid taht deserves all the cookies in teh world :((( ALSO!!! she has an au for the tsavo man-eaters which is super cool!!! :O she passion for lions and tigers really is admirable and its nic eto see her talk about them :3
@beeirdos-buzzing-bogaloo has a gift when it comes to making ocs!! thule remains my favorite of the ones he has talked about because his design is just so neat!!! I LOVE THAT HIS NICKNAME FROM ROOK IS "MONSIEUR STARGAZER" :((( you have so many ocs that i havent even heard about yet...so im super curious to see what else you put out!!!
@dove-da-birb IS SUCH A GENIUS. they're one of my closests friends and their writing is SO BEAUTIFUL. they're also kidn of a little shit though so watch out /aff tehy write x reader content and draw sometimes, although i dont think theyve posted any of them. ^^ dove is SUCH a delight i promise you'll have fun every single time you talk to them. their energy is infectious and im genuinely really glad im the main target for their chaos. i would not have it any otehr way.
@ashipiko has such delicious art!!! the colors are always so vibrant and the way she draws is so unique. truly, a staple of both the twisted wonderland and as3! fandoms!! her energy is always upbeat and cheery, its hard not to smile when youre talking to her!! truly the biggest ace kisser on thsi platform (probably in the world too hehe)
@shyhaya writes for a myriad of fandoms!!!!!! hayami writes an azul thing for me that made me lose my mind IT WAS SO GOOD. PLEASE check out this blog. you wont regret it. requests are open!! ^^ even twst content aside, im sure you'll find something you like sich haya writes for so many fandoms!! talk about multitalented :3
@thehollowwriter has so many gems. quinn writes every character in twst so well, teh writing is so immersive and just ughhhh MUAH!!!!! every piece with azul in it is such a banger and it makes me giggle and kick my feet :3 LITERALLY THERE IS SO MUCH X READER FLUFF AND ITS ALL GOOD ITS A CRIME I DIDNT FIND THIS BLOG SOONER.
@cyath, who has some of the PRETTIEST art i have EVER seen. they draw stuff based on my fics all of the time and i adore it so much. examples of their art can be found here, here, here, and here. do you understand what i mean. do you get it. their art style is SUPERIOR and i ADORE IT!!!!!! they truly have so much talent like damn save some for the rest of us hello!!!!!
@crheativity writes twst x readers!! she's a beginner writer so PLEASE PELASE SHOW HER SOME LOVE!!! right nwo she has some heartslabyul content that i havent gotten around to reading yet but i am SUPER excited to go through them when i get the chance!!! rhea is super fun to talk to hehe <3
and lastly, @jade-s-nymph who organized this whole thing!!! rubia is on hiatus right now but i've seen some of her projects and a few of the things she's written and they're all really good!! there's a lot of x reader content on her writing blog and self indulgent nymphleech content on her personal blog :3
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mariatesstruther · 8 months
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I honestly don't get why Maria was so anti-Joel oh he's a horrible person he's done horrible things he can't be around us, but accepted Tommy fully to the point he's the father of her child when both did the same things, ran with the same people and all of that.
I mean I love the character, but that confuses the hell out of me. Why's Tommy accepted but Joel damned?
okay, so… this response took me like half hour to write. my wrists hurt, my jaw is clenched, my brain is hot. i love u anon thank u very much for this chance to vent about just why my girl maria has been so misunderstood. let’s go
i personally think this is where many people fundamentally misunderstand maria’s perception of joel. she’s not cautious of him primarily because of tommy or anything tommy has said, in my personal opinion—she’s cautious of him for and because of ellie
ive said this on my blog a few times and i think so have @steeb-stn and @clickergossip (and maybe @liveandletcry23 and @bumblepony i have a shit memory so tagging just in case) so im gonna tag them to credit their words and ideas about maria as well, but the FIRST time maria sees joel, he’s with this rando twelve year old girl who he is seemingly so protective over that she cant even be sniffed by dogs who are just trying to detect infection, which would be good for ANYBODY. that’s his first strike for untrustworthyness, because why the fuck wouldn’t he let this girl be tested???—we know why, of course, but maria doesnt. shes working on the very limited info about joel/ellie’s relationship that she has from just her own observations, and i think we need to remember that as we go through analyzing why she moves how she moves
shes knows from tommy at this point is that joel had a daughter, but it is definitely not this little girl. so why the fuck are they so close. what have they gone through. are they okay. is ellie okay. is their relationship safe for her??? THAT’s what she’s thinking about, in my opinion, while shes staring joel down at that dinner table. she’s reasonbly suspicious, and i can’t blame her for it.
i had to cut this it’s literally maybe my longest post ever so. heres the cut
ALSO, it’s not like she’s a straight up bitch to joel like some of y’all seem to make it out to be??? she never says or implies that “they can’t be around” or anything like that. she offers them clothes and food and supplies. she sets them up in a house. before dinner, she gives them a personal tour (which, to be fair, she did because she was probably trying to keep an eye on them and figure out more about whether or not ellie is safe, but who wouldnt???? i know tess would! and yall would love her for it!). tommy literally says to joel before they leave that there will always be a place for him and ellie in jackson—you cannot tell me you believe he said so without already have maria’s green light for joel and ellie to stay
ALSO, i wanna consider some other things that i haven’t seen many ppl talk about. on that walk she takes with tommy and joel and ellie, she makes it sound like tommy has been with them for at least years AND she maintains the confidence to say that residents in jackson stay off the radio—i could totally be wrong, but it seems to me from the look tommy and joel share right after that it’s obvious tommy has been talking to joel BEHIND MARIA’S BACK???? did no one else catch that??? am i misinterpreting big time??? id assume because theyre married and from the way tommy talks about jackson that he’s been in jackson for at least 3 years maybe, and we know that he only stopped radioing joel a couple months before the show’s main plotline starts, so timeline wise there had to be some overlap of tommy still radioing joel from/around jackson. idk if anyone of my mutuals has thoughts on this but i personally think it’s important to point out, because it establishes that maria likely doesn’t know or think tommy and joel kept in contact, at least not as recently as up to some months ago. she knows that tommy and joel are close, but at the same time, she doesn’t think tommy really knows or talks to joel anymore, either. so how is she supposed to extend him any trust as tommy’s brother????? how and why would she give this man any benefit of the doubt???? it wouldn’t make any sense. she’s more practical and discerning than she is naive and kind, and y’all can think what y’al want about that but i love her for it. it’s very necessary for a woman like her to be the way she is
okay, so back to your question. back to why joel is “damned” and tommy is “accepted.” let’s talk about joel for a sec
y’all like to babygirl and idolize the absolute fuck out of this man
we know that not only was he a smuggler, but he killed and tricked and took advantage of people, shamelessly and brutally. we know that tommy did so too. maria knows that tommy has done the same things. maria also knows that tommy left that life because he couldnt do it anymore, and joel continued because he could
point blank period!!!!! yall can argue with me all u want but tommy left that murder life and joel did not. im not saying this makes either brother good or bad or better than the other, i love joel sm and i think both of them have an undisputed capability to do unspeakable things in order to survive. but tommy got to a point where he hit a limit, whereas joel doesn’t seem to have one. this is at least my personal interpretation of their conversations in the game and the show
tommy DID join the fireflies, which we all know now is not any fucking better than whatever the fuck joel was doing—the difference is the reasoning, though, and considering tlou is all about reasoning and the why, we need to consider the reasoning behind tommy’s decision: he wanted to do something better, something good, something he thought had a purpose. we all know now that the fireflies are bullshit, their purpose is bullshit, and they’re willingness to kill a child for the sake of the “cure” is it’s own entire paradox of bullshit. but they were a rebel organization fighting fedra, who fucking suck, and probably had somewhat of a better reputation back when tommy was interested in joining—or maybe they didn’t, to be fair, i don’t know! the point is, tommy went to them seeking some sort of better purpose, some type of redeption; in joel’s own fucking words, “tommy’s what we used to call a joiner. had dreams of becoming a hero... wants to save the world.”
tommy is idealistic. he’s romantic. he’s optimistic, almost to the point of being fucking naive. thats why he enlisted in the army, thats why he enlisted in the fireflies—he wanted to feel good about himself and the world he was living in. he needed it to have some light at the end of the tunnel for all the bullshit to make sense. and yeah, he was wrong both times in joining up. we know that, joel knew that while it was happening, and tommy knows that in retrospect, too. i think jackson is the first place he really found true, real purpose—not the kind that is propagandized to you and goes up in smoke, but the kind that is well and truly earned. that’s why he is so loyal to jackson and to maria—they finally gave him was he desperately spent his life searching for
and im just saying, from maria’s perspective, she’s someone who lives for purpose. she lives for jackson and for it’s people and for it’s future, and she has to maintain some sense of idealism in the face of all that fucking ugliness to be able to mentally live im and run a place like jackson, to believe that it’ll work. i think that idealism she has, she sees reflected in tommy’s desperation to be a better person who’s fighting for a better life. she sees that need for redemption and goodness in him, that need for things to be fucking worth it, and hears she hears it in his story. she gets to relate to him with this in a way she doesnt GET TO RELATE with joel YET (we STILL HAVE TIME PEOPLE. WE HOLDIN OUT STRONG FOR THE JOEL AND MARIA BEST FRIEND AGENDA)
but to continue, THEN maria spends YEARS with tommy, getting to know him, getting to know his guilt. just like tess with joel, she’s sees the worst and the best of him and gets to fall in love with all of it. so of course there’s gonna be a bit of a bias and a blindspot, towards him—just like any of are other characters have weak spots for the people THEY fucking love
so that’s i guess why i think tommy is “accepted” by her, i guess, and there’s honestly way more them and their romance that i could make a whole separate post about but i’ll leave it there for now. back to joel and why he’s “damned,” which i don’t think he is
again, from what maria knows, he made an active CHOICE to stay in the lifestyle of smuggling and murdering and QZ bullshit, even after tommy chose to leave—and idk what y’all imagine joel and tess to be doing in those many years on their own, but it’s not fuckin picking flowers, for me. they’re dangerous, dangerous people—more dangerous that fedra, and more dangerous than the fireflies, if we’re being fucking real about it. and we LOVE tess and joel for this, or at least i do
but jackson is not a place where people get by with smuggling or backstreet deals or threats. it’s not supposed to be that place. we all LOVE jackson in fics and hcs and aus because it’s literally a place where joel and ellie finally get to breathe and not worry about their safety/survival first. and you know who keeps jackson that way????? MARIA. AND HE BEING FUCKING PICKING ABOUT WHO JACKSON LETS THE FUCK INSIDE
so yall just expect her to by YIPPY SKIPPY when joel, THE JOEL THE SUPER SMUGGLER MURDER COWBOY, strolls into town????? WITHOUT TESS, WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MORE PERSONABLE AND REASONABLE ONE???? what????? she’d be crazy not to at least try to be a little intimidating, to make it clear to joel that he will not get away with any of that qz bullshit here. she’d be naive not to, and maria is anything but naive
and i know most people don’t like her for that “a bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad” “not always, at least” line, but i actually think it really fits so well in establishing that she’s not afraid of joel, not afraid of challenging him or making him own up to things he’s done. it’s just so so cool to me, i just can’t hate her for that????? she’s establishing with him that she knows what tommy knows about his time in the QZ, and she’s letting him know if that joel shows up here in jackson, there will be fucking problems for him. which i think is a completely fair warning????
so let’s continue. let’s talk about The Scene, the one with her and ellie, the one with the “tommy was following joel” line. ONE thing i’d like to point out about this scene—MARIA IS THE ONE TO TELL ELLIE ABOUT SARAH, NOT JOEL. AND THAT IS A BIG BIG BIG REASON FOR WHY SHE WARNS ELLIE NOT TO TRUST JOEL COMPLETELY
we know what joel and ellie have gone through, at this point, but maria has barely any idea. she sees that ellie has this fierce protectiveness and lots of secrets when it comes to her and joel, which like—can we all be fucking objective here for a second. this can SO easily and SO reasonably be interpreted as something sketchy going on between joel and ellie that maria should be concerned about.
(slight tw about older men-younger woman relationships bc im gonna be personal for a sec, its quick) we don’t know maria’s past or what she has seen or been through, but personally as someone who has been in a situation where an older man has taken advantage of my naivety in the past, i am now extremely hyper vigilant when it comes to young girls around older men in my personal life today. ellie and joel’s situation and how it looks would raise MJAOR red flags for me personally, if i was in maria’s position. that’s just a personal perspective have that really affects the way i view this scene (end tw)
and so maria finds out that joel has kept the fact that HE HAD A WHOLE ASS DAUGHTER from ellie?????? WOULD THAT NOT BE SUS AT ALL TO YALL???? i mean we know why joel doesn’t tell ellie, as gameplayers and watchers of the show, but again. maria is operating on the info she has right in front of her, which is that joel has been omitting maybe the biggest fact of his life from this young girl who is willing to defend and trust him with her entire life, even after she finds out she’s being lied to. this is alarming
so at this point, she’s questioning joel’s intentions with ellie, and in my opinion, it’s not at all unreasonable for her to do so. she then continues to press, because the red flags are flying and she wants ellie to be crystal clear on the kind of man she’s traveling with (“there are CLEARLY things you don’t know about joel” — “so then you understand my concerns”)
AND THEN ELLIE. BLESSED SMART AMAZING ELLIE COMES IN WITH THE DEFENSE—“and tommy did it too, are you worried about him?”—which like, i love this line. i love this moment. i think because i go so hard for maria a lot of y’all think i’m blind to when ellie is making points, but i 100% cheered her on when i first watched this scene, like i’m sure y’all did—because it’s true! it’s fair! if maria is going to judge joel for those things, she needs to extend the same judgement to tommy
the thing is, it’s still fucking true that, as i said earlier, tommy left that life. both the smuggling, and the fireflies—he chose to stop, while joel didn’t—he was smuggling literally up until the day him and tess found ellie, so. there’s that. she continues to judge joel and not tommy because she knows for sure that tommy has changed. she doesn’t know joel enough yet to see that he has changed, too
so then, the dreaded line: “tommy was following joel.” let’s talk about it.
i don’t love this line either, tbh! i think it’s a weak defense on maria’s part, and a weak line on the tlou hbo writers part—probably my least favorite line of maria’s overall. but i do get why she says it, and i kind of think i get the purpose??? i think????
it reminds me a lot of joel’s line, earlier, about tommy being a “joiner,” and i think it’s funny that, as opposite as joel and maria like to think they both are to each other, the way they describe tommy is pretty much the same. tommy is a “joiner” to joel and a “follower” to maria, and in all respects they both love and hate him for it. idk where i’m going with that exactly, just something interesting to think about in terms of the joel and maria best friend agenda
but i also think this line get’s taken out of context a lot, because the full line is “tommy was following joel, the way you are now.” maria says this line to lead into her main point, the really fucking important line in this scene: “be careful who you put your faith in. the only ones who can betray us, are the one’s we trust.”
WHICH IS TRUE. IT IS THE POINT. AND WHEN JOEL LIES TO ELLIE, HIDES SOMETHING FROM HER YET AGAIN at the end of the season/game, IT BECOMES A THEMATIC CLIMAX POINT THAT CONNECTS BOTH OF THE GAMES
maria is not saying this to “damn” joel—and i personally don’t think she is “damning” joel in the way you imply here, as there’s definitely potential for them to develop a relationship in s2 once she has more information about the truth of how he thinks of ellie. i think she’s warning ellie not to trust joel, because she doesn’t trust joel, at the end of the fucking day—and that’s about it. she trusts tommy in a way that she can’t quite trust joel yet, and why would she, at this point? it would make no sense for her to
so y’all can blame her and hate her for her distrust all you guys want (btw not necessarily talking to you, anon, ive just gotten some very nasty asks about maria from others so im talking to them rn!!!!!!!), but i’m sorry—you can’t tell me that it doesn’t at least make sense. she’s MARIA. she’s MADE OF SENSE
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boomtastics · 1 year
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𝑶𝒄𝒆𝒂𝒏-𝑺𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆
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Character(s)? | Jade leech and Vil Schoenheit
Type? | gn! reader, mutual pining you and Vil are friends
for @twistedchatterbox​ 30 day event! luv u<3
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Like how the setting sun meets the dark ocean, Jade loves you.
You didn't know that, he didn't think you did anyways because well, you have the attention of THE Vil Shoenheit and have defeated many Overbloats. But for now, the letter you shall never see will do. For now.
A ringing bell takes him out of his trance. Has school ended already? Well then, he can just get notes from another classmate it's no big de- Oh.
You're with Vil again. How pleasant. Your friendship with him is growing quite strong. It's almost as if you're attached at the hip.
“Yo, Jade calm down looks like your about to murder someone!” Ah, it's Floyd. Usually, he could tell when someone was behind him. He's been spacing out more, that's no good. “Im alright, Floyd. Im just a bit tired that's all.” that was a lie, but having his brother worry over him while his crush is slowly slipping away from him is bothersome.
“Yeaaahhh noo, for real, what happening are you okay?” curse Floyd for knowing him so well.
Jesting his head over you and Vil he understands immediately. “Shrimpy and Betta getting too close for your liking? Why not confess to Shrimp already? What, are you scared?”—that's stupid.
“I am not. I'll confess to them in an hour!” What a stupid mistake.
Rummaging through his boxes of letters he needs to find the right one. About your eyes? Predictable. Your bravery? Others are already telling you that. Your beauty? That won't work.
That one.
The perfect one.
A knock is heard on your door. You would think it's vil but he's already here.
“Alright, sorting from expired, terrible, and unusable I have found one make-up brush. You exceeded my expectations…What are you doing?” Vil asked. It's not like you to just leave him without warning.
“Sorry! I heard a knock at the door and went to see what it was” A letter was behind your back hidden from his view. “Well? What is it? Did another desperate potato ask for your help?”.
“No just this” You held the letter up in clear view. “Aren't you going to read it??”
“If it is not too forward of me to say so, I have developed a very strong affection for you…The more we have talked... it is as if the world has brightened. I have never met someone as charming as you before. That feeling has never changed, and I will always be in love with your genuine, and beautiful soul. How did a person as wonderful and kind as you ever come to this world? You are truly a blessing, and I’m forever grateful to know you and to love you. You make every waking moment I spend with you feel like I am in paradise. I never want to leave your side... These words I write are not enough. Words will never explain how much my heart bleeds with love for you, how your love and affection for me cause joy to resonate through my body and spirit. I hope that my feelings will reach you in the best way possible. You’re my everything. I love you, and you alone. To me, you're a rose that should be protected from thorns, a delicate angel who needs a defender. To be your defender, I promise that I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy and keep you safe. I'm serious when I say, "I love you." I usually rhapsodize about your outstanding natural beauty to my friends. Your beauty hit me with a force of a poetic sledgehammer. I love you and cherish you. You're an angel personified.
-J.Leech”
“Well, now we know he likes you. What are you doing standing around? Go talk to him. I swear if you fawn over him anymore to me I WILL poison you.”
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No Children (The Mountain Goats)
I hope that our few remaining friends/Give up on trying to save us/I hope we come up with a fail-safe plot/To piss off the dumb few that forgave us/I hope the fences we mended/Fall down beneath their own weight/And I hope we hang on past the last exit/I hope it’s already too late
I hope it stays dark forever/I hope the worst isn't over....And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out/You'd stay the hell out of my way
I am drowning/There is no sign of land/You are coming down with me/Hand in unlovable hand
And I hope you die/I hope we both die
"The song of all time. It's the soundtrack for countless bad vibes ships (affectionate). The phrase 'hand in unlovable hand' has immutably altered the brain chemistry of thousands with its underlying sentiment and launched a hundred accompanying memes. 'I hope you die, I hope we both die' crams such incredible rawness and depth of feeling into all of nine words. It also makes for a great singalong."
"I need to leave. I need to LEAVE. I need to get out of this situation and I'd hope that if i found the strength to walk out, you'd stay the hell out of my way. I need to leave. Please. Let me out. HAND IN UN FUCKING LOVABLE HAND"
"Just. Man. These two are so broken. They want to be in love. They aren't. They hate each other so much. They are the only ones who understand each other. They wish that they weren't so close but all they can taste is ash when they think of leaving each other. Just, mutually assured destruction tastes so sweet when you can taste the blood on their tongue."
"It's No Children."
"goddd man this song is about being an irredeemable freak with another irredeemable freak and i think that's beautiful. there's something so fuck you up ish about the person you hate and despise the most in the world also being the only other person who is like you, who gets you. im going down, but youre going down too. we can be terrible people together... even if i hate you... even if you're the fucking worst. because we don't have anyone else. there's always a sort of comfort in knowing that there's someone out there who's as terrible as you are, and maybe you only hate them because you see yourself in them a little, too. anyway clay and bloberta from moral orel"
"The sheer emotion packed into the way it’s sung, the lyrics themselves, all of it just screams ‘clinging desperately to someone you hate because you don’t have anyone else and you burned those bridges yourself’ and I find that painfully relatable"
"It's a song about both virulent self-hatred and virulent hatred of someone else and yet you see yourself intertwined with that hated person forever."
Poll runner: Do I even have to add anything? This was the tournament's most submitted song.
Agree to Stay (Liquido)
You held my hand, I slipped away/We'd sleep beneath the stars/How I hate being scared/The more I think the more I do. Still anything reminds me of yo/I smell your hair/I hear your voice/I feel you.
"Okay look for this one I have to give a little more context but... so worth it. There's this fic. Absolutely HEARTBREAKING angsty fic featuring Major Character Death that has been living rent free in my brain since I first read it. And it's UNCANNY how well the lyrics of this song fit that fic and they just make each other's effect SO MUCH WORSE (affectionate). OKAY SO. The fic. The main characters (two brothers) have been kidnapped and one has been poisoned in order to extort information from the other (which he doesn't have). The fic follows them as one gets increasingly sicker and the other increasingly worried and scared ("How I hate being scared, the more I think the more I do"). They are kept in a windowless room and they talk about how they miss the sun and how they'd sit outside in the rain and have huge windows if they ever get out ("A brick of light reveals the day", "We'd sleep beneath the stars"). They reminisce about their childhood, how they would hide from monsters in their pillow forts and now the monsters have become real ("I wish we knew a place to play, where no one could find us"). The sick one keeps trying really hard to reassure the other, even as they lose hope ("you lied to me the other day, don't keep it all inside"), the other is really scared they won't get out in time, BUT THEN when they realise the sick one hasn't got long left, his brother starts telling HIM all the reassuring lies he's been told the days before, and the LAST WORDS the sick one says as he dies, his brother holding his hand ("You held my hand, I slipped away"), are "I'm really scared, brother" ( AGAIN "How I hate being scared", but this time UNO REVERSE). Second half of the fic deals with the surviving brother trying to cope with the loss as he's eventually rescued, just a bit too late. ("How I wish I was free, the more I think the more I do. Still anything reminds me of you. I smell your hair, I hear your voice, I feel you.") JUST. WHY DO YOU HURT ME IN THIS WAY. (I made a podfic of that fic and used this song as Intro/Outro music because FUCK if I have to suffer like this so does everyone else)"
No Children submitted by @leovaldezdefender + @diogenescynic2288 + many others
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its-actually-minicika · 9 months
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Girl I love your stuff but be so fr…. Not you complaining about how people ask you about the AI and not when you’re gonna update THW. Because when THEY DO you start bitching and moaning about it too!!!! Yes you WERE correct, we all are just strangers on the Internet!!! GET A THERAPIST, seriously
Hey, are you okay? I understand that you're upset, but maybe take some time to ask yourself why you felt the need to lash out on anon like that.
We are strangers on the internet, but decency shouldn't be given out only when others can see our faces.
I'm truly sorry that my PSA upset you - believe me, it wasn't at all my intention. I understand, and you are seen.
However, this is my blog, my AI and my pieces of writing. These are my feelings and personal preferences that I shared with you guys. Please don't be upset if they don't match up with yours. :)
If you're battling with waves of anger or feeling misunderstood, if you'd like to vent to someone or simply have a chat sometimes, know that I am here for you. Be it via PMing or anon form, feel free to reach out to me.
A while ago, one of my dear friends and mutuals (@annikin-im-panicin) made a list of internet tools that people may use if they're feeling like their own emotions are running a bit too high. I will try to link them here as well, while adding my own to the bunch.
Coping Skills
Mindfulness-exercises
Understanding my Feelings
Why my words can hurt
While I am not saying this is your case, a tool that personally helped me when I coudn't process my emotions well was bullet journaling. Maybe it can help you too!
I took Psychiatry this year in med school, and my Professor urged all his students to pursue the following when trying to uplift their spirits without immediate professional help:
1) Keeping a structured sleep routine by waking up and going to bed at the same time each day;
2) Trying to be mindful of your overall diet and nutrients;
3) Going out and walking for at least 30 minutes every day;
4) Mentaining a semi-regular social life;
And, of course, if any of these methods fail, always reach out to a professional and/or someone you trust to help.
Please stay safe, and have a good rest of your day. Remember that you're not alone, and that we can always change ourselves with the right push and motivation.
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id hope they wouldn’t ghost me, because id rather be friends than strangers. im not super close with them (which honestly makes me feel even more ridiculous for feeling this way? feelings are funny i guess)
okay this might be controversial advice and it might sound cold or harsh. also please remember that i am a stranger on the internet and that my life experience might not apply to you and that what i say might be wrong.
feelings can be intense and everything can feel very monumental then. but oftentimes, when we crush really hard on someone we don't know that well, that is mostly crushing on our own projection of who that person is, as in we don't really know them. that doesn't mean you aren't feeling real emotions, but it's good to ask yourself like, okay what does this mean now, for me, and for this relationship? there are a couple of options.
don't say anything and just enjoy the daydreaming of it all, and the tingly feelings of having a crush
get to know them better, establish a better rapport with them (which takes time and effort), then see if the feelings persist and THEN say something
personally, i wouldn't recommend confessing feelings to someone you don't know all that well. in that situation i'd ask myself, okay, what does this bring me if i tell them this? what do i expect them to do? what are we now going to do with my feelings in this chat? do i really need them to know if they can't do anything about it? maybe they will be like cool neat but like? what now? like i'd ask myself why i want to tell them this. what do i get. what does that mean for the relationship? can anything be done? what do i want to achieve by confessing this?
having a crush on someone online is very safe, bc oftentimes that person isn't really attainable. that's not bad, to have a crush on somebody you met online, but also, i'd always encourage people to prioritise irl crushes and putting yourself out there over online stuff. i know that it's hard as queer youth out there, and there often aren't that many people irl you can meet etc etc plus it is much scarier than doing it online, but that is a whole different issue to unpack.
you can meet wonderful people online. i have started relationships that way. on tumblr, as well. but i have always 1. established a rapport that went beyond being mutuals that occasionally talk 2. met with them irl at some point, bc until then you never really *know* how you're gonna vibe, you know, at least in my personal experience.
hope this helps and i hope i wasn't too harsh, but i can only say what i honestly think and feel bc i don't want to be disingenuous, that's not really my brand
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I just read your yandere Cale and oh my god, you awaken something in me and I don't know what exactly it is but now I am looking for more yandere Cale
-✍
(。♡‿♡。)
okay i cant write a story since im currently in my lecturer's home getting questioned for my assignments so i'll just talk about what type of yandere cale could be —
i've talked abt this to a mutual before but i wanna elaborate more
WARNING: manipulation
MANIPULATION OBVIOUSLY
the man is so smart and cunning
he prefers it if you notice that something was wrong with him
that you're able to see through his words
he takes it as a challenge to easily have you in his grasp
for the first few times, he can see that you were very observant in the things you felt odd
but he's always working hard to have you accept it — to have this type of behavior normalized
he's very big on the "you're mine" thingie
v v possessive
but not to the point that he'll isolate you
no he has to make you believe you're free
make you feel like he's so easygoing
also to have you feel protected
he has his family and allies to back you up whenever you need
protect you if you're in trouble
and as time goes on, you began to realize something
"oh wow, im always going to be safe when im with him"
"my life has been so much easier since i met him"
is that him manipulating you?
NOOO of course not, that's something you came up with alone :)
besides, it's true!
he's just doing what he always does
being protective and compassionate
and wow, you know what?
maybe staying with him is the best choice
so you do exactly that.
you chose to stay with him and help him around
oh but dammit, so many people are still pursuing you, what should he do?
cale doesn't resort to murder, obviously
and he doesn't wanna waste his time even looking at them
so it has to be you, the root of it all
he digs up information about any man who tries to pursue you
any kind of dirt he could have on them, he would use them
and you know damn well everyone else will unconsciously start talking shit about any man who approaches you
"the young man from the county of ___ was once found with a woman even though he had a lover, right?"
"yes, young master," ron would confirm cale's words right in front of you. "truly what a disgrace of a man."
the next day when you received a letter from the said man professing his love, you threw away the letter in disgust
"oh, i heard from his highness that the man like to inappropriately grab on women," choi han would inform you when you brought up the name of the man who had sent a letter to you
"isn't he the one who likes to hit his maids?" rosalyn would question when the man who had greeted you walked away
you see, cale has never once asked them to do this
but they are aware of just how cale likes you that they couldn't help it :(
they just want to see cale achieve what he wants
this type of thing happens too many times to the point you finally gave up
you refused to talk to anyone outside of your friends and family, not wanting to meet anyone because you couldn't trust them
would you blame cale for this?
Of course not :)
this was your personal decision
a decision you made for and by yourself
the way he shows his affection will make you think "no one will love me as he does"
so he makes sure that the only person you could ever see is him and only him
he also spends a shit ton of money on you and would even use the excuse "you can pay me back with ___" and shit like that
he'll make sure you'll feel indebted to him so your own guilt will not allow you to leave him
once you finally got together with cale, people keeps on asking for your presence
they want to be connected with you
and cale doesn't have to worry about a thing
why?
because you're already tired of dealing with others
you just want to be with him and him alone
instead of making him to be someone who's forcing his s/o into isolation, i think he's the type to make sure you'll be the one to isolate yourself from others
Cale, nonchalantly: "I heard someone invited you to a ball"
Reader: "Yeah, but I turned it down"
Cale: "Why?"
Reader, hugging Cale's arm: "Everyone is so annoying. I just want to be with you."
And Cale just smiles.
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storiesoflilies · 7 days
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OKAY WHERE DO I START,
mutual pining is so hawt, please i wanna fucking scream it. It is SO HOT. The little glances in the cafe, the smallest force of attraction and interest in each other bringing them closer, thats enough of a force to fuck up Newton's laws SJDJDJSNSHSH please all the cafe scenes are so delicately crafted, just the right amount of interaction, the pesky college dude giving toji a chance to get closer to her and keep her safe from anything, the bruised and broken knuckles maybe indicates that he actually took care of that weirdo? A.MAY.ZING
Each got thier own chances to get closer to each other, her being a cashier, the little thoughtfully hot cup of green teas, and the protein balls, and tojis chances with the mugs and the creep ass bitch. And finally roped them together with the biomechanics question 😭😭😭😭, im a sucker for slow burn, renders well 🥹😍🥹
The smut hello?!? Lily, you mentioned this is your first time writing smut and this is the softest, sexiest, most passionate smut of tojis, so preciously balanced on respect and pleasure, the flirty teases, the urge to be closer, UGH NEED
Also was the angst foreshadowed with the supernova?
Cause you mentioned her as a nebula before, then a star when she got drunk and finally a supernova when they slept together. And if im not wrong thats on the path to becoming a black hole..? And maybe, hear me out, whatever they had together, toji and her, it didnt matter after that seemingly common razor cut and it got sucked into the abyss of hers, while she was stuck in a abyss on her own worries..? That signalling that she had finally reached the end stage and not even fate would escape from that. When toji gave her no chance to explain herself too, just that.
Also the little physics comparison in addition to the supernatural being of angels controlling your everymove with equations despite physics disproving the existence of angels otherwise, iS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL I ADORE THAT JEUDJDDHDJDBDHJDJRHEJE
Gosh, the amount of hurt i went through went toji blocked/deleted his number, ugh, the way he wanted nothing to do with her, even if she hadnt meant to hurt him, just as blackholes are so unique in nature and and so attractive and destructive, she pulled toji towards her slowly but surely, but at last she was the reason why thier relationship was destroyed too
I am in tears and awe at the same time
Thank you for this art, i love you
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Oh my GOSH MY DARLING!!!
I cannot tell you how much I fucking loooooove to read lengthy, in depth comments about something I’ve written. Like oh my god, I made something that made you write all THIS?!? For meeee?!? Like damn, my heart is swooning <3
First off, I’m so happy you loved the smut! It was something I was quite nervous about, so much so that I sent it to my two best friends to see if it was good enough before posting!! And all the things you’ve said about it is exactly what I was aiming for!! I didn’t want to write what I call “mindless smut”, which is just filthy, hot smut. And don’t get me wrong, I do love those too, but I just feel a lot of fanfics these days are just ALL about that with not much story (this is an obvious sore spot for me that I don’t want to delve too much into). I wanted my smut to be something nice, between two people who love each other and want to express it. So thank you for appreciating what I was trying to do :)
Now, I don’t want to get too much into saying what was right and wrong about how and why everything happened the way it did in their relationship. It’s completely up to every reader to decide why they think it ended the way it did, as well as interpreting anything they thought was foreshadowing, but I am so interested and up for discussing all the theories!! The way you’re looking at comparing the MC to a black hole and ultimately destined to destroy everything is certainly an interesting perspective on the story, and I actually didn’t consider it before!!
With so much love for you darling,
Lily xo
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since I have perpetual vampire brain and I think you've mentioned before that abrose has a few vamps to relate with, what does their friendship look like?
he does know a few vampires, honestly as soon as someone is like "yea i drink blood" he goes "i trust you with my life actually :)". n. not good. lets get into it.
Fedsy (by my good friend Silvesi) was his first. friend? friend! thats kinda like him. though their conditions differ a lot, ambrose is still very very attached to him. ambrose finds a lot of comfort in feds. he may not admit that but just having a guy be kinda like him was a HUGE deal to him when they first met and that feeling of "im not alone" stuck ever since. honestly he's kind of weird about it like. this guy was like "yea i drink blood" and ambrose went "okay. from now on whenever i look at you ill feel a bit calmer because i can remember that i am not the only one suffering." like okay? okay.....
there's Hao and though they havent met yet (officially) but its gonna be. interesting once they do. hao is so positive about life(death) and also about being a vampire while ambrose is. not positive about anything ever! i feel like it might either end up being very beneficial to ambrose and provide another "safe person" to him. or it will go down in flames im not sure yet.
Wakeland (by my good friend Elf) is also a vampire and they get along really well but ambrose doesnt even know about the vampire problem. once he does i think he will be glued to wakeland forever. sorry wakeland. youve got another weird guy obsessed with you now.
i think he's rather naive when it comes to meeting other vampires. he's felt so alone with this for so long. whenever he finds someone thats like him he instantly feels a connection to them because finally hes not alone anymore. but obviously that feeling is usually very much not mutual. he may just be yet another creature to someone else.
i dont think he has any other vampires hes close with yet but this can change. wink wink. wink.
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lepidopteragirl · 1 year
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hi there, sorry to bother but I had a genuine question, how do you make such close online friends? it never seems to work for me and you and your friends look like you're always having a blast so I was wondering if you had any advice? thanks, sorry to bug
hi anon!! im so sorry this is so late, i was planning to answer it right when i got it but i wanted to make sure i got u a good answer and had time to think about it and then it was the holidays and then. well i forgot im so sorry please please please forgive me
mandatory disclaimer that i dont know if im the best sort of person to talk to about this because most of my online friendships have grown rly naturally, and ive gotten lucky to find a rly cool group of mutuals by almost by chance lol <3
i think whats helped me get so close to my mutuals is partly that we've been mutuals for a while now, relatively, and group discord servers :]. obviously, pls be safe talking to ppl on discord etc etc, but i think putting together a private discord server for a circle of mutuals you'd like to talk to more is a rly cool way to get to know ppl better. i personally am not at all good to talking to people in dms (mutuals if you have every tried to talk to me i am so sorry), and if u are also bad at that ! it can help :] also its fun. squad.
also! talk to your mutuals! send them asks to say hello, send stuff for ask games off anon! say smth funny under their posts if you've got smth funny to say. and if someone thinks you're weird, who cares, its tumblr dot com! it truely does not matter!
smth i stole point blank from a tommyinnit stream which is so embarrassing to admit, but its always worked for me lol... if u want to start a conversation w someone, talk to them about music they like! usually they'll be at least a little common ground and there u go now u have a common interest already. obvsly if you're tumblr mtuals u already probably have some interests in common already too so i suppose this might be a little less helpful but im leaving it bc i think its good advice for anything jlskfdsfd
also as a last thing! know that you're not going to click w everyone and thats okay! <- advice my mom gave me in elementary school that unfortunately is so very correct. it happens, things happen like they're supposed to. if someones meant to be in your life, they will be
ty so much for asking me, and i rly hope this helps!!! sorry this is so long!
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dolphingal · 1 year
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🌻About me!!🌻
🎃Hi i'm Delfiniela!!! But i also go by Delfi, Deli or Pumpkin!🎃
🌑My pronouns are She/He/They🌑
☠Im 19 years old ☠
🌈 Pansexual🌈
🇪🇸I'm Hispanic!🇻🇪
So sorry in advance for any future language errors, english is not my first language!!
🌿I love drawing and writing🌿
My tiktok is @deli.pumpkin but i dont post a lot in there <:] [yeet]
💥Tone tags are always encouraged when interacting with me!!💥
‼DNI LIST‼
Proshippers
Homophobes, terfs or anything related to lgbtphobia
Racist and xenophobic people
Lunter shippers, get away from me
COUNTRYHUMANS FANDOM STAY THE FUCK AWAY
dream supporters or anything related to his Minecraft shit
!!thin ice!!
Huntlow dislikers
Between common cookie shippers (Brave x Bright, Brave x Strawberry, Bright x Strawberry, Skater x Strawberry or Brave x Skater shippers)
Rarepairs dislikers (Its okay if you dont like them but dont get agressive over them)
Oc x canon dislikers
Sonadow shippers. i am so sorry i just cant stand the ship
For rest this blog is a safe space for everyone!!!♡♡♡
Warning.
i will prob use kys jokes with my mutuals or in posts, as well as suggestive jokes in oc posting. Besides that, I will never post NSFW content nor I wanna engage in nsfw blogs
🌾Current fandoms🌾
Main ones
🍪Cookie run🍪
🦆DHMIS🦆
But im also into
Undertale/Deltarune
Crowscare
Marvelous misadventures of flapjack
Scooby doo
Courage the cowardly dog
Analog horror
Nightmare before christmas
Laika studios films
Ghibli studios films
The owl house
Amphibia
Inside job
Final Space
Sonic
Rpg horror games
Cryptidcore, clowncore, weirdcore and other aesthetics!!
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a-earthssprout · 2 years
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🌻🍯 OOC. hello friends ! long time no see, huh ? 😊 I hope you all have been doing well these past few weeks. I apologize for my absence, but surprise ! 🌿 I’m not here to make the ba – jillion – ith post doing so; instead, I come bearing good news ! 🌷 after what seemed like forever, things are starting to look up on my side; the sun feels like it’s shining again & thus, Ari’s little light ( muse for her ) is returning 🍄 I may sound quite like a broken record by this point, but I wanted to thank everyone again for their patience & understanding during my time of inactivity—I do not believe I lost any mutuals during this time, but still, to all who stuck around, I thank you for this 🍃 it’s wonderful to see you again & I truly hope that the days have been kind to you ! 😊
now, I am not going to lie. life is really … unpredictable right now for me 😔 a lot is going on behind the scenes that I’m not exactly comfortable sharing, but please do not worry. I am okay & I am safe, & I currently have a great support system ! 🌼 still, despite the recent improvement, I still have days where my energy is fleeting, especially social energy. because of this, I have made my previous discord inactive & will probably not be sharing out my new one, at least not with many. most roleplay communications, at least for now, will have to be done through tumblr’s im feature. I will be spending time replying to the im’s that have been waiting for a response, too ! 
additionally, I’ll be initiating something I like to call operation organization ( because calling it that is way more fun than a ‘ blog cleanup ’, right ? 😤 ) I will adjusting my rules & organizing my likes ( which is the system I use to collect drafts, but rn it is clogged up with much more than just those c’: ) also, I will be making a post for people to like if they want to stay mutuals, which is separate from this post ! 🐌
I will NOT be dropping any threads, but if you have lost interest in continuing one that we have, please let me know so I do not accidentally reply to it ! no hard feelings here, okay ? 😊 regarding anything in the INBOX, I have deleted a few, specifically ones that were sent from a meme, but most are still there & I intend to answer them. until most / all are answered, the ask box will remain CLOSED 🌼
I cannot say it enough, for I feel the need to express my gratitude for all the understanding & kindness I have received during this time. here’s to better, brighter days ! 🌈 wishing you wellness & happiness, forever & always, & I hope to write with you all soon. much lava ! 🍄
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witchthewriter · 2 years
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helloo! i hope that you’re having an amazing day!! i saw your blog through one of my mutuals and let me tell you, im amazed! you are so talented. do you have a watt pad? or will you publish books in the future? id love to support you. 🤍
okay im sorry if that’s too personal I just got carried away 😄. i wanted to join your ship game if its still possible. fandoms i choose are peaky blinders, harry potter and stranger things.
about me: she/her, heterosexual, infp
little bit more:
i love reading and annotating books.
i love baking especially things that have chocolate in.
i love Winter and snowy days .( im happy that they’re close now anyways)
i am afraid of bugs (sadly) but i hate it when someone kills them.
i like drawing and sketching.
i am fascinated by different cultures but always keep a safe line between so I don’t come off as disrespectful.
i love it when people are thoughtful and understanding towards each other.
i hate conflicts and people misunderstanding me.
fun fact; i love ballet and bella hadid (but I have many more loved celebrities like lily rose 😌) 🫶🏼
i like vintage and retro stuff
my personality: quiet and cold from outside but if you’d get to know me i am not cold 🤧. would say emphatic and sensitive but I don’t know how others see me 😄.
okay that’s it! Thank you so much for your time energy and patience. Have a great day, waiting more posts from you 🫶🏼🥰
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Want one? Here be the rules 🦋
I am LITERALLY DOING PUPPY DOG EYES RIGHT NOW, why would you say such a nice thing! I'm actually going to cry. Your support means so much to be. I actually am writing a book! I started it for my uni assignment and I decided I want to publish it someday (although there's a long way to go before THAT ever happens <3)
What each ship has in common:
⋆ They’re usually the leader/in charge ⋆ Responsible  ⋆ The person who people look to for advice ⋆ Get shiz done ⋆ Get along well with kids (I mean Tommy might not fit in this but he does love his children very much)
𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐲 𝐁𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬
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𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛
I ship you with Thomas Shelby! I can see your relationship firstly being a fake one. Where you have something he wants and vice versa; you get married to so his business can progress even further, and you do it so your family is protected/safe/well-looked after. While spending more time with each other, you fall in love. 
𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠
・Very sarcastic and witty with each other
・Relationship tropes; ‘partners in crime,’ ‘fake relatiopnship > falling in love > actually happy you married each other.’ 
・He buys you anything and everything. I mean it gets excessive. You probably donate a lot of stuff to charity/neighbours/family/friends. He doesn’t mind. He just wants you to have everything you ever dreamed of
・Isn’t big on pet names, probably calls you a variation of your first name. Maybe even your last name
・Rocky relationship until you understand Tommy’s motives; not just about the business, but himself, his backstory, the war etc
・You’re always protected  - you’re literally apart of the Shelby family. No one tells you what todo, actually no one even denies you anything. I feel like you could do WHATEVER you wanted and no one would bat an eye
𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐏𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫
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𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛
I ship you with Remus Lupin! (Whatever age you wish) the only difference would be that Older Remus is a bit more mature and ... has suffered more ... I’m so sorry I could have worded that better but my brain is having a hissy fit <3
AND! I actually want Joseph Quinn to play young Remus Lupin? Tell me he wouldn’t fit the role so fricken well?? 
Okay so I think you two would be such a good match! I get the sense that you’re very kind, moreso then you realise. Compassionate and caring also, which would catch Remus’ eye. 
𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠
・Being so so soft with each other - like holding hands, stroking each other’s hair, swift kisses, rubbing the palm of his hand. 
・He likes to rest his head in your lap. It’s where he feels safest, and the most calm. 
・On full moon nights, (when he isn’t able to take his potion) he will lock himself in a room, chain himself up and you have to listen to his cries/whines/howls all night...
・Being a really really strong couple - your relationship is founded on honesty, real love and understanding. People look up to you guys. 
・He likes it when you hum, or sing. It makes him feel all fuzzy inside - he hadn’t ever dreamed of someone falling in love with him. 
𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬
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𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛
I ship you with Steve Harrington! I get ‘it’ girl vibes from you to be honest, like you would totally be queen bee - but not in a mean way - not at all negative. I just think you would do really well in a leading role! 
𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠
・Making fun of his hair, trying to mess it up and Steve is like “Hey! Woah woah woah what are you doing little missy!” And he’s swatting your hand away
・THE KIDS LOVE YOU. If Steve is the Mum then you would take a more relaxed approach. Because I love it the thought of him being absolutely worried about these kids and so overprotective. “Dustin put that down,” “Lucas do not make me come over there,” “Max I WILL pull this car over!”
And you’re like, “honey it’s okay. Really it’s alright.” Trying to soothe your flustered boyfriend who is taking this babysitting thing so goddamn seriously
・Making a playlist for him, and it’s about how you feel. He gets giddy dude.  “For me? Babe! I love it!!!” And he scoops you up and spins you around. He plays it all the time. Everywhere. In his room. In his car. In other people’s car. He takes it everywhere with him. 
・Is so much more responsible then people give him credit for - like your parents (or single parent/guardian up to you) thought Steve was a playboy who was  up to no good. But he was literally the one making sure everyone else was safe
・Getting drunk with Steve, can you imagine? He comes up with the most randomest stuff. But I also feel like he would be worried what you’d say (because of what happened with Nancy) but you just gush about how much you love him and never want to be without him. He is literally a blushing mess and won’t stop repeating ‘I love you y/n’
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