thank you to the three people that tagged me in the twst author spotlight ^^ irene, siren, and sapphy, thank you. i read what you said about me and i was very touched. i didnt think i would gain so many friends in such a short period of time, and you all deserve to be recognized for your contributions to the twst community!! :D

EVERYONE LOOK AT MY FRIENDS.

@tinyletterz, who has a beautiful soul and amazing writing. i've known her since my baby days on quotev writing for a fandom which shall not be named, and it's so such a pleasure being her friend. she writes twst x reader content and has a gorgeous series about flower languages that i think about a lot. thank you remy for helping me get accustomed to tumblr, you're the og!!

@shkrmpp, who was my first mutual that i'd never met before here. thank you for asking about jellyfish and being such a bubbly presence on my dash. shrimpy writes x reader content and creates adorable art!! their hair dye series with the leech twins is super cute and i find myself thinking about teh floyd part in particular very often ^^

@fukashiin, with the prettiest themes and the gorgeous art style. winou CONSISTENTLY writes absolute bangers that make me so giddy. this one in particular is one of my favorites, and her writing style reminds me of a soft summer breeze. she's such a bubbly person and its so fun talking to her, even if we don't talk often. ^^ she's one of the three people that keeps my deuce content afloat.

one could say many things about the beloved @hisui-dreamer!! from the way she adores her friends to teh way she writes, rinna is always soft and sweet. she radiates comfort and is such a soothing person, i feel so safe around her. she writes x reader content and every single piece is its own masterpiece. she's one of my closest friends on here and i wish nothing but the best for her every day.

@merotwst, who has a bucnh of adorable oc content (on @meromessy !!) and writes x readers!! ellie in on haitus right now takinga well deserved break. <3 but she writing is amazing and i am FLOORED whenever i see her art!!! it's literally so gorgeous and i don't understand how she does it. its crazy. how is so much talent in one person.

@siren-serenity is not only a lovely author of x reader content, but also a lovely friend. ^^ siren also has an oc named melody who is so cool!!!! she was the pastor at my wedding and fought TOOTH AND NAIL for that position LMAO love u renren!!! she really writes azul SUPER WELL and im so happy to have met someone so calm and soothing to talk to.

@officialdaydreamer00, aka nutmeg, is a rascal. an absolutely rascal but they're really the best. they have a yuusona with LORE and a bunch of really creative & cute events!! seriously nutmeg, nobody does it like you. if you want to see our favorite twst boys in strawberry dresses or recieve a pair of cute earrings, irene's blog is the place for you!!!

@the-v-lociraptor has STELLAR art. she was one of my firts mutuals on twst tumblr and i was terrified of talking to people but her vibes were very much "i am nice you dont need to be afraid" and sniffling scared me was like "OKAY I CAN TALK TO YOU" LMAO but yeah. she draws people so,,, full. thats the only word i can use to describe it. they just look s soft and alive and its really so amazing. i love her art so much!!

@siphoklansan is another artist!! i think about the art she drew from loona's heart attack with twst character weekly basically. it has been stuck in my brain since i started following her. sippy, its trully beautiful how you mix your culture and your art together. i remember you talking about it when you were drawing fairy gala stuff and it was just stunning. please keep doing what you're doing!! i hope your hiatus proves restful <3

@ceruleancattail is one of THE most creative writers i have ever met on this platform. every time i check out their account theyre talking about a new au or doing something different. they write x reader stuff and ar ethe biggest cater kisser ever (even if they wont admit it hehe!!) their writing is so refreshing, if that makes sense. their butler au is so goofy whaahwwahwah

@moonlit-midnight has the prettiest writing style :((( hannah is literally so sweet and it shows in everything you can find on this blog. THIS BLOG HAS PLATONIC FICS TOO!!!! DID YOU KNOW THAT?????? and even better, they're inspired by hannah's own friendships :((( literally the most wholesome thing. you can find x reader's here!!!

@iseethatimicy is an x reader writer and fellow azul kisser!!! she writes some really cute stuff for oour favorite silly little cephalopod AND AND AND AND HAS SOME OCS!!! THATA ARE SUPER COOL!!!!! shimiko and icy are both so cool and interesting 9EVEN THOUGH IM VERY SHIMIKO BIASED AAAAA I LOEV SIREN TROPES !!!!!)

@ryker-writes IS SO KIND. he gave me the sweetest set of flowers for his garden event :(( i still think about them and aaaaa i havent forgotten when he fought me over me being cool LMAO so goofy wahhwaawh!! HIS OC JAXON AND RIDDLE ARE LITERALLY SO CUTE :((( he writes x reader content & makes oc content!!!

@totallymem3 draws occasionally and omgggg meme's art is gorgeous. HAVE YOU SEEN HER DRAW AZUL. her art is so soft and its honestly adorable :(( meme is such a nice mutual too!!! like i met her on anon a while ago we've been besties ever since fr. HER ART REMINDS ME OF SPRING GO CHECK IT OUT PLEASE!!!!!

@z3llous is SO TALENTED!!!! another mutual that im liek WOW how do you exist??? he creates the most stunning twst fanart :((( THE OCTAVINELLE BIAS IIS SO REAL AND SO SO OBVIOUS BUT WOW.....WOW IS IT GOOD. zell is also a game developer and if you like cute little kitties and adventure games you should totally try it out here!!!

@cecilebutcher MAKES THE BEST OCS. creator of igor and saver of the universe. im not kidding igor saved the universe IDC WHAT YOU SAY ITS CANON TO ME. cece i sliterally the sweetest and soososososo creative i am eating up every crumb of igor content i get fed. OM NOM NOM. ofc junto is nice too and hes so sweet!!! GAHH you just put so much love and care into yoru ocs its so admirable :((((

@ang33333333l is another azul kisser that i became mutuals with a while ago!!! dolls love for sebek and azul is very sweet to see and her yuusona fauna is adorable too!! she also draws her yuu and characters sometimes!! :D she doesn't have a lot of oc content up on dolls blog yet but im looking forward to seeing more!! >:D

@leonistic deserves the most underrated writer of the year award. soru writes x reader content and is another super sweet mutual of mien (I KNOW IM SAYING THAT A LOT OKAY.) she writes aroace content and its literally feeds me. seriously. their aroace azul content makes me giggle and kick my feet and GAHHHHH !!! plus they have the patient to do matchups which is crazy and i love them for that ^^

@rains-asleep is the nickname master because he calls me straubs and thats such an adorable nickname :(((( HIS WRITING IS SUPER CUTE AND IT GIVE SME SO MUCH SEROTONIN (they write x readers btw!!!!!) they recently hit 500 followers (CONGRATS AGAIN!!!!!) and they also write for haikyuu, mha, genshin impact, and obey me!!!

@shinysparklesapphires is an artists that has a lot of cool ocs!! i believe navi was the first one i was introduced to and he's such an icon ^^ sapphy is also really into precure and produces a lot of content for the fandom!! i have yet to finish the precure series she recommended to me but its good so far and laura is the best so true!!

@datboredpencil has THE most STUNNING art. if you want idia x cater content this is DEFINITELY THE BLOG FOR YOU!!! each piece has so much love poured into it and i swear. YOURE ALWAYS LIEK "its a work in progress" BUT IT STILL LOTS SO LOVELY :((( YOUR USE OF COLOR IS JUST SO MUAH!!! CHEFS KISS!!!!!!! I ADORE IT

@twistwonderlanddevotee makes really pretty backgrounds!!! i actually used the isaac one she made for my private account AND ITS SO CUTE I LOVE IT I WANT TO EAT IT SWALLOW IT WHOLE MUNCH ON IT SHAKE IT AROUND LIEK A DOG TOY ANYWAYS. i am very normal about sofia's backgrounds. PLEASE GO CHECK THEM OUT its literally so unique?? like who else makes backgroudns liek sofia. Nobody.

@queen-shiba has an open inbox everyone!! you're welcome to send in requests!!! ^^ the queen of savanaclaw makes oc content for chuki, a really sweet kid taht deserves all the cookies in teh world :((( ALSO!!! she has an au for the tsavo man-eaters which is super cool!!! :O she passion for lions and tigers really is admirable and its nic eto see her talk about them :3

@beeirdos-buzzing-bogaloo has a gift when it comes to making ocs!! thule remains my favorite of the ones he has talked about because his design is just so neat!!! I LOVE THAT HIS NICKNAME FROM ROOK IS "MONSIEUR STARGAZER" :((( you have so many ocs that i havent even heard about yet...so im super curious to see what else you put out!!!

@dove-da-birb IS SUCH A GENIUS. they're one of my closests friends and their writing is SO BEAUTIFUL. they're also kidn of a little shit though so watch out /aff tehy write x reader content and draw sometimes, although i dont think theyve posted any of them. ^^ dove is SUCH a delight i promise you'll have fun every single time you talk to them. their energy is infectious and im genuinely really glad im the main target for their chaos. i would not have it any otehr way.

@ashipiko has such delicious art!!! the colors are always so vibrant and the way she draws is so unique. truly, a staple of both the twisted wonderland and as3! fandoms!! her energy is always upbeat and cheery, its hard not to smile when youre talking to her!! truly the biggest ace kisser on thsi platform (probably in the world too hehe)

@shyhaya writes for a myriad of fandoms!!!!!! hayami writes an azul thing for me that made me lose my mind IT WAS SO GOOD. PLEASE check out this blog. you wont regret it. requests are open!! ^^ even twst content aside, im sure you'll find something you like sich haya writes for so many fandoms!! talk about multitalented :3

@thehollowwriter has so many gems. quinn writes every character in twst so well, teh writing is so immersive and just ughhhh MUAH!!!!! every piece with azul in it is such a banger and it makes me giggle and kick my feet :3 LITERALLY THERE IS SO MUCH X READER FLUFF AND ITS ALL GOOD ITS A CRIME I DIDNT FIND THIS BLOG SOONER.

@cyath, who has some of the PRETTIEST art i have EVER seen. they draw stuff based on my fics all of the time and i adore it so much. examples of their art can be found here, here, here, and here. do you understand what i mean. do you get it. their art style is SUPERIOR and i ADORE IT!!!!!! they truly have so much talent like damn save some for the rest of us hello!!!!!

@crheativity writes twst x readers!! she's a beginner writer so PLEASE PELASE SHOW HER SOME LOVE!!! right nwo she has some heartslabyul content that i havent gotten around to reading yet but i am SUPER excited to go through them when i get the chance!!! rhea is super fun to talk to hehe <3

and lastly, @jade-s-nymph who organized this whole thing!!! rubia is on hiatus right now but i've seen some of her projects and a few of the things she's written and they're all really good!! there's a lot of x reader content on her writing blog and self indulgent nymphleech content on her personal blog :3

Without Fear

masterlist | tag | wattpad

hiya! since tomorrow is thanksgiving I thought it would be better for everyone if I posted this week’s chapter today! hope you like!

Chapter Two. February 

give me moonlight, and a smile from you that I can // that I can barely believe — dancing under red skies, dermot kennedy

It comes on slow, the way waves lap up against the shore late at night, when there aren’t many boats out to disrupt them. Over and over, bit by bit, it settles in. The first wave of it bites at Lu’s ankles when her toilet overflows at 6am, leaving her standing in her socks in the bathroom, soaking wet, worrying about the water leaking into the shop below, while Ruairí meows in concern from his spot atop the sink. Frantic, Lu calls her dad, and it goes to voicemail twice before she remembers it’s 1am in New York. 

Accompanied only by a YouTube tutorial and the rising sun, Lu manages to fix the mess, shower, and start the day all on her own. Her dad calls back five hours later, and Lu feels like she’s lived a whole lifetime between then and now. 

The second wave of it has more venom. She sleeps in on a Sunday—the only day the shop is closed—stirring around 10 because Ruairí is relentless, screeching in her ear, kneading at her belly, desperate for something to eat. Mindless, she feeds him, freshens up his water, makes herself a cup of coffee, pulls out a pastry leftover from Siobhan’s bake the day before, and settles into a spot by the window of her flat, overlooking the sea, all before thinking to take a look at her phone. 

Even if she goes 12 hours without looking at her phone, Lu finds she doesn’t miss much these days—she left home on a whim, without a ton of fanfare, and knows full well that she isn’t putting in the effort she should to keep in touch with friends from home. She also knows that’s why she left.

So, most mornings, she wakes up to a few messages in the family group chat, a message or two from her best friend Georgia, and not much else. This morning, it’s different. 

208 texts. 12 missed calls. 

Lu’s stomach sinks like a stone. Her whole body heats up at once. Her hands start shaking and her heart starts hammering, all before she even manages to swipe open a single notification. 

She doesn’t even have the wherewithal to cycle through possibilities. Her brain, hitting overdrive from the start, has no question that it’s bad. 

In WhatsApp, Lu finds that her family group chat has 206 messages. She has one separate text from her dad, and a final separate text from her brother. Nothing from her mom. 

Shaking, she swipes open her dad’s first. On the counter, Ruairí is sniffing at a banana. 

Hi, love, his message says. Figured the number of messages in the group chat is overwhelming. We’re at the hospital with Sam now. All is well, the appendix is out and he’s resting. Mary’s with us, she got back from Honduras yesterday. Good timing. Give us a call when you get a chance. 

From her brother, Lu finds a selfie. He’s in a hospital bed, gown around his shoulders. He looks pale, dark circles around his eyes, but he’s okay—he’s smiling, giving the camera a thumbs up. Underneath, the message says I lived, bitch. 

Relief coursing through her, Lu lets out a shaky laugh. It’s scarily on-brand for Sam to pull out a meme at a moment like this. 

Slowly but surely, Lu’s heartbeat slows to its normal rate. As it does, she scrolls back through the messages from the night before: her brother raising the alarm that he had a pesky pain in his side, their mother, a doctor herself, urging him to get it checked out. There’s a moment where Sam says the doctor is sending him home, and another where their mom urges him to demand an ultrasound, just in case. He does, and they find the appendicitis. Lu shudders to think what would’ve happened had her mother been the one sleeping soundlessly an ocean away. 

It’s five am in New York. Lu figures they’re all shattered. Rather than call and risk waking everyone up after what was surely a late, long night, Lu shoots off a text to her dad, asking him to call her when they wake up and sending lots of love. She turns her ringer up all the way so she won’t miss anything else. She feels a million miles away. 

####

On February first, Lu wakes up in a cold sweat. It’s still dark outside, but that doesn’t mean much in a place where the sun doesn’t rise until nearly 9am. Still, Lu doesn’t even need to look at a clock to know it must be early: perched on the pillow next to her head, Ruairí is snoring gently, dead to the world, not yet ready to demand breakfast. 

Heart hammering, Lu gropes around the bed until her hand closes around her phone, cold. She squints, then sighs, as she checks the time.

4:45am. 

Lu is no stranger to waking up mid-panic attack. Sometimes, it feels like choking—like she can’t get a breath down deep enough, to pool in the bottom of her lungs. Other times, it feels like an unavoidable urge to get up, move, get as far away from the space she woke up in as physically possible. Right now, it feels like a stomach ache, period pains, itchy skin, her body trying to tell her that something, somewhere, is going terribly wrong. 

Logically, she knows it’s not. She holds her breath, five, four, three, two, one, and checks her phone as her heart jackrabbits away. Nothing out of the ordinary: her mom texted a picture of her glass of wine with dinner to the family group chat, her dad reported the score of a soccer game, her brother sent that he’d managed to run a full two miles today, his furthest since the appendectomy. Everything is fine. 

Except for Lu. 

There’s no use trying to go back to sleep; Lu knows herself better than that. Heart still working overtime despite reassurance, she slips out of bed as gently as she can, praying that she won’t wake Ruairí. She’s silent as she gets dressed and silent as she tiptoes out of her bedroom, out of the apartment, and down the stairs. The morning is still and dark, but you can hear for miles and miles on Inis Mór, and as she begins her walk the soft, familiar sounds of tractors roaring to life, cows mooing for their breakfast, sheep and goats bleating, remind Lu that she’s not the only one—that others are here too, alive, beginning their day, pushing on. Home. And underneath it all, there is, always, the sound of the waves, constant, crashing against the shore. 

####

Lu doesn’t get a chance to nap. She walks, balancing on the edge of the cliffs that overlook the Atlantic, breathing in the sea air and thinking about how the water here, crashing, violent against the cliffs below her is the same water that once lapped up on the shores of Long Island, of Coney Island, of the Rockaways, of home. Seagulls swoop, low and graceful, over her head, over the ocean, and Lu thinks that if she asked her dad to drop a floatie into the Atlantic for her it just might make it—just might wash up here, on the edge of the Earth, the way she has. 

She walks and walks—you can walk all the way around Inis Mór and back in under five hours, but she doesn’t have that kind of time. She walks along the cliffs, the white, blinding, otherworldly geology of the Burren, through the grass and the mud and the cow shit, until she’s back at the cafe, windows glowing golden against the rising sun, condensation clinging to them from the inside. Siobhan is pulling pastries out of the oven when she opens the door around 6:30, and Ruairí, curled up on the counter, looks at her, bitter. 

Siobhan smiles, “There you are. No worries, pet, I’ve fed him his breakfast.” 

She wobbles through the day, exhausted from the panic, the walk, the lack of sleep. She messes up at least two orders—gives Mrs. Duffy whole milk instead of skim, drops Mr. Kennedy’s sandwich on the floor while she’s bringing it over to him—but, as always, no one bats an eye. They touch her arm gently, lull “oh, it’s no bother, darling, we’ll make it right, now,” and the cadence of their laughter carries as she does exactly that. There’s no venom, no rush, nothing to give Lu the adrenaline she so badly needs to make it through the day. 

Somehow, she almost forgets that it’s Niall’s first day. But all of a sudden it’s twelve hours later and he’s bustling inside, bringing a rush of cold air with him. The door swings shut behind him and Lu, who had been curled up at the cushioned window seat with Ruairí on top of her in a moment of quiet, jumps. The cat’s only just forgiven her for this morning, and her movement causes him to stalk off in anger. She sighs after him.

“Oh, no,” Niall laughs a little, “sorry, did I interrupt something?” He looks soft and sweet in his dark jeans, his hat pulled low over his forehead. He’s shedding his puffer jacket to reveal a navy blue cable knit sweater and his cheeks are flushed from the cold. His eyes, bright and blue as Lu remembers them, find hers. He smiles. 

“Yeah,” Lu just about manages. “He just forgave me, you totally ruined it.”

Niall barks out a laugh, head thrown back, shoulders hunching up. “What did you do?” 

“Forgot to feed him breakfast this morning,” Lu sighs. “Siobhan did it, but he held it against me anyway.” 

“Ah, well,” Niall shrugs. “I’d be mad too, if I were a cat.” 

“S’a good thing you’re not, then,” Lu smiles. “I’m not here to feed you.” 

Niall’s still giggling. Lu wonders if he ever stops. 

“I’m thinking I might make him pupcakes or something as an apology…” Lu is rambling a bit now, but she’s so tired, and Niall’s so cute, and nothing is real here, anyway. “I know they’re for dogs but I can’t imagine they’re bad for cats? I bet he’ll like those—honestly, I bet he’ll just like knowing I slaved over a hot stove for him. It’s like he can tell, you know?” 

It wasn’t meant to be that funny, but Niall is fully cackling, crinkles by his eyes on full display, one hand clutching his tummy. “You’re funny,” he says between laughs. “A bit looney, me da would say—hey, Lu, looney, Looney Tunes. It all makes sense.” 

“Isn’t ‘looney’ offensive?” The banter with him comes so easily, Lu doesn’t let herself overthink it. “Think we’re supposed to stop using it.” 

“Ah, well,” Niall’s pulling his guitar out to tune, now, “You’re in Ireland now, love. All good nicknames are a little offensive.”

####

The night is mostly quiet, a dozen customers at the most, which Lu thinks is probably good for Niall’s nerves. He’s just as stunning as he was the night Lu first met him, pulling out an arsenal of covers ranging from Bruce Springsteen to Post Malone, somehow making them all work for his voice, for the vibe, for everyone, but he’s shaking—she can see it when he pushes his hair off his forehead, or when he drops his pick on the floor between songs, laughing awkwardly as he bends to grab it. Even with the mistakes, the dropped pick, the few stumbles over lyrics, he’s endearing, engaging, all-consuming. Lu’s meant to be working, but she can’t find it in her to look away.

From her spot at the counter, Lu watches how Niall keeps his eyes trained on the window across from him. He doesn’t seem to be looking for anyone or anything, but Lu suspects it’s easier than looking his audience in the eye—despite the fact that she can see for herself just how captivated they are. It shouldn’t take an hour and a half to drink one coffee and eat one slice of chocolate cake, but that’s how long old Mr. Kane spends in the shop anyway, eyes closed, listening to Niall play. 

For two full hours, Niall keeps the shop warm and alive. Everyone is so captivated that Lu barely has to work after all; she leans up against the counter instead, cradling the mug of hot chocolate that Siobhan made her before she left for the night, and taking him in. She barely knows him, and yet. 

Lu has seen plenty of nervous first-timers performing in front of apathetic crowds—it was practically her job, after all. She’s also seen more than her fair share of world class performers stunning crowds that want to eat them up, keep them on stage forever, bottle their energy and carry it through the rest of their lives. Working in the music industry, even just as an assistant, for five years turned her hard and jaded, made her feel like she’s seen the seedy, rough, rude underbelly of it all—but she’s never seen anyone perform like Niall before. His unadulterated, all consuming love for music is tangible, even from across the room. This is now Niall communicates. This is how he understands the world. This is how he sees life. Half of Lu feels lucky to hear it—the other half feels sick knowing that his talent is wasted here.

It almost makes her sad to have to close up at 9. Niall’s good about it—he’s designed his set to last exactly two hours, finds a climax in the middle with “Dancing in the Dark” and tapers his song choices toward a slow but steady ending, letting everyone know, without having to say it, that it’s time to head home. Lu doesn’t even have to ask him if he knows how to play “Closing Time.” 

Mr. Kane is the last to leave, sticking around a little after nine to shake Niall’s hand and tell him he had no idea how talented Maura’s son is. He talks about Maura—Lu assumes she must be Niall’s mom—while Lu slowly, quietly begins putting dishes away. She likes the routine of this already, Niall’s quiet voice, his booming laugh, his warm presence keeping her company while she settles down for the night. It’s something she could get used to. It’s something, the first thing, she thinks she could miss, if she left. 

Niall masterfully leads his conversation with Mr. Kane toward goodbyes, shaking his hand again as he shuts the door behind him. Lu looks up from where she was rinsing a cup to watch as Niall watches through the window to make sure Mr. Kane gets in his car. He waits for the car to start before turning around, leaning his back up against the door, dragging a hand through his hair, and letting out a long sigh. 

“Alright?” Lu asks, gentle. Niall’s got his eyes closed, his head back, neck exposed to her. It’s thick and littered with freckles, and his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. In her chest, Lu’s heart does something funny. She presses her thighs together, tight. 

Niall opens his eyes halfway, exhaling a little laugh as he meets Lu’s gaze. She hopes he can’t tell—how could he? 

“Yeah,” he says then, standing all the way up and shaking his head. “That was mad.” 

“It was amazing,” Lu counters. She gently places the mug back into the sink, bracing her hands against the edge. Part of her is afraid of what she’ll do without something between him and her. “They were so into it. No one could look away from you.”

Her cheeks flush, and Niall catches it. The corner of his mouth pulls up in half a smile as he shoves his hands into his pockets. “Ya think so?” 

“I know so,” Lu presses her lips together, but it doesn’t do much to prevent her smile. “‘Dancing In The Dark’ was my favorite one; it’s perfect for your voice.” 

“Thanks, Looney Tunes,” Niall hums, making his way back over toward her. “Can I help ya clean up? I wash, you dry?”

“Oh,” Lu stills. She’d half forgotten about the dishes still left to clean, the floor to sweep, the leftovers to toss, the counters to wipe down. Her mind stumbles over the best way to go about this: it would be rude to keep him, but, God, she wants his company. She realizes, with a slight swoop in her belly, that she hasn’t felt homesick in two hours. She needs him to stay. “I actually—I have a dishwasher. I just like to rinse everything before I put it in.” 

Niall smiles. He comes around the counter to stand next to Lu at the sink, knocking his hip against hers. “Sensible,” he says. It’s quiet. Just for her. “I’ll rinse and put ‘em in. You’ve been stood here all night. What else do you have to do?” 

“Uh,” Lu feels like her whole body is vibrating. Her mind turns over itself like an engine that won’t start. “Sweep the floors, wipe down the counters, lock up.” 

“Alright,” Niall is so close that Lu can smell his aftershave. Warm, soft, mixed with sweat from his nerves and the smell of his skin. “Let’s do it.”

####

taglist: @missy14us @antisocialsocialclub5 @coconutdawn @ficnarry @bopbopstyles @okaaayniall @theresnooneheretosave @niallgolden @tinyfelthat @adoremp3 @thelifeofbo @crocodileniall @niallsguitarthings @kara-246

Join the tag list here.

I Don’t Know Where You Are

Have a Soulmate Au! Kinda angsty sooooo 

Length: 7000 

Warnings: Arzaylea, anxiety, mentions of death, hospitliziation

Tags (message me to be added): @hereforlukescruff @paqueretteash @negative-love

Luke’s first tattoo appears when he’s sixteen. It’s a quarter rest, only an outline, his soulmate will get one fully filled. He’s in the middle of band practice and his wrist starts burning so intensely he drops his guitar. Michael turns to him to say, “What the fuck, Hemmings,” a common saying that makes him flinch. Ashton is nicer, standing from his drum kit and unwrapping Luke’s fingers from around his wrist. 

“You’re getting your first soulmate tattoo.” He smiles despite the fact that fear is written all over Luke’s face. “It’s okay Luke, this is great actually.” And Luke’s heart stops racing because it’s Ashton and he’s older so he must be right. “You should go home, let it form the rest of the way.” Luke nods, a bit dizzy from all the excitement but stumbles home, leaving his guitar on the floor of Michael’s garage. It’s dark when he gets home, and his mom yells at him for walking home alone. He shows her his wrist and she softens a bit. “Alright, go have some dinner and then we’ll talk.”   X-X-X A year later Luke is trying to sleep and then a searing pain appears from his ribcage. He falls out of his bunk, gasping and head pounding from the fall. Liz climbs out of her bunk and places her hand on Luke’s head. “What’s wrong Luke, come on baby tell me what’s wrong.” “My chest, Mum.” She pulls up his shirt and sighs. “Your soulmate is getting their first tattoo. It’s a big one so it’s going to take a while,” Luke groans as the tattoo slowly forms. “Why does it hurt so much?” Ashton slips out of bed and goes the kitchen, returning with a small ice pack and pressing it to Luke’s chest. “I can’t tell you why it hurts baby, I’m sorry. Just stay here until it forms fully.” Liz grabs a pillow and puts it under Luke’s head. Ashton grabs a blanket and climbs under it with Luke. Liz looks at Ashton who nods at her. Luke breathes heavily as Ashton pulls him to his chest. “Do you wanna see my tattoo Lukey?” Luke nods as he pants through the pain. “See look it’s a pair of drumsticks in an X.” Luke nods and winces. “I got it our first concert, right after we got off stage.” Luke’s fingers brush over the tattoo gently. “Didn’t it hurt?” “A bit, but probably nothing like yours is now since it was my tattoo. My soulmate got a really small tattoo for their first one and it wasn’t too painful. Since yours is so big it’s gonna hurt a lot.” Luke nods and settles against Ashton, eyes closing. He wakes up in the morning to Michael almost stepping on Ashton on the way to the bathroom. Luke scrambles up and beats Michael there, hearing the older boy bang on the door. “Give me a minute!” Luke pulls his shirt off and turns so he can see the left side of his ribcage clearly. Icy eyes look over the pure black tattoo. It’s a wolf, howling up at him. His fingers drag over its body, fascinated in the way the ink stretches over the skin of his ribcage. Happiness bubbles up inside him, filling him all the way to the brim until laughter bursts from his lips. Luke laughs again as he stares at the tattoo his soulmate gave him, eyes sparkling in wonder. Michael bangs on the door again, “I’m leaving!” Luke pulls his shirt on and leaves the bathroom with a smile splitting his face open. “What’s up with you, have a nice wank?” Luke ignores the comment with a wide smile and runs back to the bunks. He hides in his bunk until they have to go to the venue, shirt hiked up as he stares at his mark. Luke’s fingers can’t stop running over it, obsessed with the wolf-shaped mark on his skin and how it stands out. His heart keeps thumping in his chest, a happy little drum beat as he caresses the new mark, tracing the edges with his fingers to memorize the shape.  When the bus rolls to a stop he shoves his shirt down. He doesn’t tell Ashton about how his tattoo looks but the elder smiles at him. Luke sings his heart out on stage, not many people came to see them but in the moment that doesn’t matter. When he gets back to the bus he has Ashton take a picture of his tattoo so he can see how his soulmate will see it. His heart soars in his chest when he can see it, teeth catching his lip as he looks it over, zooming in and out repeatedly. X-X-X The first time Luke feels his soulmate’s pain he’s on stage and it’s two months after he’s gotten the tattoo. His knees buckle and he tumbles to the floor. Luke gasps as pain seems to shoot from his soulmate tattoo and up his chest. Someone picks him up off the ground, taking him backstage while he wheezes. His mind is so foggy through the pain he doesn’t understand that the concert has stopped and he’s being looked at by medics. Calum appears in his view, saying things that Luke can’t discern. He’s confused about why pain is ringing from his mark all the way up to his head, why his mouth has gone dry and his body has gone numb. The pain suddenly lifts and Luke coughs as his body shudders as the pain goes to a simmer. “Luke you’re okay, it was your soulmate. You’re not actually hurt, it’s an echo.” Someone holds his head, petting his hair to keep his fringe out of his eyes. Two people hold his hands, one tracing over his quarter rest tattoo. Blue eyes dart up to meet Michael’s, who is staring down at him with tears brimming in his eyes. “You can’t do that to us Luke, god you just collapsed. Your soulmate must be in a ton of pain. Are you okay?” “I can still feel a bit of pain, my mark hurts.” Luke tries to get up but three sets of hands keep him down. “No getting up until all the pain subsides, doctor’s orders.” “We have a show,” Luke tries to get up again but is forced down. “Luke we cancelled the rest of it to make sure you were okay.” Ashton says, his thumb on Luke’s tattoo. “This isn’t your fault, you can’t control it.” “It’s my soulmate so it is my fault.” Luke feels his heartbeat pound and his chest grows tighter, breathing catching in his throat. Luke lets out a strangled sob as he tries to breathe normally while his mind races. “It’s my fault, they’re gonna hate us.” Luke can feel his chest tightening as he scrambles to take a clear breath. There are hands soothing him, someone telling him to breathe while tears pool in his eyes. Michael holds his head, wiping the tears away and speaking in a tone Luke hasn’t heard before. When he calms down his bandmates hug him tightly and they form a protective circle around him when they walk from the venue to the car. They push their hotel beds together and keep him in the middle of their cuddle puddle. Luke feels something right before he falls asleep, an echo from his soulmate, it feels like comfort. X-X-X They’re moving to LA so they can focus more on their music and work on their album. Luke is trying to rest on the plane but his body is restless. Michael pushes him when he turns around again, shoving him against the plane window. Luke feels his wrist burn, mumbling a small ‘ow’ as he rolls up his flannel sleeve to examine his left wrist. Diagonally under his first tattoo comes another. “Michael I’m getting a tattoo.” He shoves his wrist in Michael’s face, showing where his tattoo is coming in. Luke gnaws on his lip ring while excitement claws up his chest. “I’m getting one too,” Michael shows Luke his own tattoo that’s forming on his own arm. “So if the universe thinks this moment is big enough for us to both get tattoos I think we’re doing something right.” Luke hisses as his wrist burns. “I’ll ask for some ice,” Luke nods, his tiredness slipping away at the prospect of watching his tattoo form. His gaze shifts to out the window, locking on the ocean and staring into its depths. A flight attendant hands them ice packs that soothes the itching and burning of their wrists. Luke falls asleep with the ice pack on his wrist, his and Michael’s heads resting on each other. Ashton turns back and snaps a picture of them for his Instagram, smiling at the two of them. Luke wakes up having to go to the bathroom a few hours later and climbs over Michael. Luke shuffles in, peeing and while he washes his hands noticing the tattoo. He looks at his wrist, thumb brushing over the outline of a plane and holding back a squeal. He’s briefly entranced by it, eyes glued to the small tattoo. Someone pounding on the door startles him out of his trance. His cheeks turn red as he leaves the bathroom, scurrying back to his seat. Luke sits down and snuggles up to Michael, falling back asleep easily. X-X-X Luke can’t decide which is worse, feeling emotional or physical pain. His soulmate gets hurt… a lot, luckily for him not enough that it makes him too worried. It’s never been as painful as the first time, usually just enough to mess up a chord if he’s on stage. Emotional pain he hasn’t felt strongly but he has gotten some positive echoes when he’s getting really homesick. So when he’s recording vocals and feels the burning of a tattoo on his neck he steps away from the mic. Luke takes a deep breath to get the pain to subside, apologizing to the producer and stepping back up. Ashton stops him five minutes later when he gasps again. He makes Luke sit down on the couch and grabs him an ice pack when he admits that another mark is forming. Ashton sits next to him, placing it on the back of his neck to let the cool sensation seep in. Then his heart feels like it’s snapping in two. Luke whimpers as an overwhelming sadness washes over him from head to toe. He hasn’t felt anything like this before and his own anxiety mixes in with the sadness. “Ashton, what’s happening?” He clings to the elder, lost as he struggles for control of his own emotions. “It’s okay Luke, your soulmate is having a really rough time right now. It’s really intense cause you’re getting a mark as well.” Luke shudders, not prepared for the sudden waves of abandonment that smash against him and threaten to tip him over. Almost as soon as it comes the storm stops, leaving him empty and anxious. Ashton is there, like he always is, to calm him and make him lay on the couch. “Take a break Luke, I’ll record some of my vocals while you calm down.” Luke breathes, feeling his anxieties wash away with each intake. “We can go get ice cream after okay?” Ashton runs a hand through the messy quiff before standing up and going into the recording booth. Luke is surprisingly calm when Ashton finishes up. He even manages to sing a few lines for their album before Ashton demands that the producers let him go. Luke is thankful for the eldest, he doesn’t think he would stand up for himself if it was just him here alone. Ashton stays close, close enough to support Luke if he needs it but not too close to feel suffocating. Eating ice cream is soothing for Luke, it makes him forget about the pain of his tattoo knitting itself into existence across his skin. Ashton keeps him distracted as well with his sunshiney attitude. They get an Uber back to their house and as soon as they're inside Ashton is making Luke lay down on the couch. He sits on the edge of the couch and makes sure to brush Luke’s hair out of the way before looking at his new mark. “Can you tell what it is?” His voice is muffled in the couch cushions. “Luke it’s just a circle.” Ashton rolls his eyes, Luke turns his head and furrows his brows. “Why do you say it like that?” “Like what?” “Like it doesn’t matter what my tattoos are.” Luke sits up, anger starting to bubble in his stomach. “I mean it doesn’t. Soulmates don’t always work out Luke and yours is giving you a lot of pain.” Luke scoffs and stands up, crossing his arms, “Luke it’s not a big deal, it’s just a tattoo.” “Yea, which will lead me to someone with a matching one.” “Do you know how many people there are in the world Luke, the chances of you finding someone with your exact tattoos is so small. A lot of people don’t even end up with their soulmate.” Ashton stands and squares his shoulders as Luke’s anger beings to boil. “I’m going to end up with my soulmate Ashton. Just because your parents split up and were soulmates doesn’t mean I’ll leave mine.” Ashton flinches and Luke’s stance weakens. He knows immediately what he said was wrong but he doesn’t know how to fix it. “Ash, I’m… I’m sorry, I- “Save it Luke,” Ashton storms off towards his room, Luke sags against the couch. His anger disappears like baking soda being thrown over a grease fire. Guilt begins to eat away at him as he pulls his knees up to his chest. Luke sits there for a while, wrapped in his own guilt. Calum shuffles by, brown skin unusually pale. Calum sits next to him, a hand resting on the top of his knee. “You okay Luke?” Luke is still, eyes planted forward, he doesn’t meet Calum’s gaze. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me. I should be worried about you.” Calum shakes his head and sighs. “Everything is alright with me, my soulmate is just sick.” Luke wants to scoff because that is a huge understatement but he doesn’t call Calum out. “I said something bad to Ashton and I don’t know how to apologize to him.” Luke takes a deep breath, “I think my soulmate put up a block on their emotions.” Calum stays by Luke’s side despite the pain that comes from his own marks. And Luke knows it’s meant to be comforting, that Calum is trying his best but guilt gnaws away at his insides. He reaches a hand back to touch his mark but the giddy feeling isn’t there like the first time, shame is. X-X-X They’re in the studio when Calum collapses. Michael catches him before his head catches on the side of the piano. Luke gasps and stumbles back while Ashton calls for help. He can’t speak, stuck in his own head while chaos unfolds just feet away. He’s frozen even when paramedics are hoisting Calum onto a stretcher, barely recognizing the feeling of someone guiding him into a car to follow. Ashton grabs his hand which startles him, he hasn’t spoken to the elder since their small fight, too embarrassed to approach him. Luke is still stuck in his head, brain moving impossibly slow but racing at the same time. He doesn’t even realize they’re in the hospital until Ashton is grabbing his face. “Luke, buddy snap out of it. I know you’re having trouble processing everything right now but we have to be there for Calum.” Luke nods and shakes his head to clear it. He touches the mark on the back of his neck and takes a deep breath. Ashton checks him over once and takes his hand. “It’s gonna be okay.” Calum is laying in a hospital bed and Luke wants to throw up. He looks healthier than he had when he collapsed despite the frown that seems permanently etched into his face. Michael sits down in a chair next to Calum and takes one of his hands. Calum squeezes Michael’s hand tightly and draws in on himself. “My soulmate died,” he says after a while. Luke’s hand slips away from Ashton so he can wrap his hand over the wolf mark. Ashton crosses to Calum and holds his other hand. “Calum,” Luke walks forward, his arm still around his chest. “I don’t… I don’t know what to do.” A sob bubbles out of Calum and Luke places a hand on his leg. His dark hair hangs in front of his face as he weeps over the loss of his soulmate. Someone he’s never met but felt the deepest connection to. He’ll never feel the burn of a mark again or how his soulmate feels despite being miles away. Luke feels his own tears brim over the edge and cascade down his cheeks. Calum falls asleep after a while and Michael lays next to him, holding his best friend close and draping a blanket around them. Ashton takes Luke outside and finds a private room. He wipes the tears away that Luke has neglected to before pulling the youngest into a hug. Luke whimpers into it, digging his head into Ashton’s neck. “I’m so sorry Ashton,” Luke feels a hand go onto the back of his neck and rub against his mark. “It’s okay, I forgive you.” Luke clings to Ashton, breathing stuttering as he mutters another apology. “What is Calum going to do?” Luke whispers in the quiet of the room. Ashton keeps Luke pressed to his chest. “I don’t know Luke, but we can be there for him.” Luke nods, he feels like he should pull away but Ashton makes him feel safe from the emotional distress outside this tiny room. “I think my soulmate put up a block. I can’t feel them anymore.” Luke admits, nerves creeping along up his stomach and into his throat. “How about we talk about that later Lukey, after everything is calmed down?” Luke nods and Ashton pulls away, wiping away more tears. “I’m gonna call Calum’s mom and see if she can come to L.A. Are you okay going back to the room?” Luke nods and wanders back, sliding in next to Calum in the bed much too small for three of them. X-X-X The day the She’s Kinda Hot music video drops Luke gets a tattoo. He moves away from Calum and makes an excuse about going to the bathroom. He removes his shirt and watches a crown form on his right shoulder. Luke winces and pants through the pain of it, not as sensitive to the pain with the block his soulmate has over their emotions. Sometimes, he tries to send them echoes of his feelings, just so they know he’s doing okay. Every emotion gets cut in the middle of it being sent out. Luke puts his shirt on and grabs a beer from the fridge, downing it quickly and going to sit back next to Calum. Calum pulls out a laptop and shows him the views on their video, together they read through the comments and laugh at overreactions. He never mentions his mark to Calum, it’s too soon. X-X-X Their plane lands in the middle of the night. Luke is exhausted, rubbing his blue eyes to try and relieve his tiredness. He’s glad that fans aren’t out at the airport at such a late hour but his girlfriend is there to pick him up. He gives a weary goodbye to the boys and climbs into her car after putting his stuff away. Luke stares out the window blearily, eyes focused on the moon. He feels a prick of pain just behind his right ear. Luke ignores the pain until he feels the block break, serenity flowing over his body like a tidal wave. He gasps, wincing when Arzaylea gives him a look. Luke keeps his face straight until they’re pulling up to their apartment. He gets his bags out of the car and feels Arzaylea press a kiss to the back of his neck. “Didn’t know you got a mark while on tour.” “Oh, yea neither did I.” She scoffs and locks the car. Luke’s nerves rage inside him but the calm he receives from his soulmate makes him exhale. “Arz, what is it, my mark?” “A crescent moon,” she looks at him and shakes her head. “You know you’re going to have to cover that up when we fuck right?” Luke flinches but nods, he had forgotten about having to cover his marks up when they were together. “Just give me a minute, I’ll be right in.” Arzaylea goes inside while Luke tilts his head back. He stares up at the moon, a crescent shape in the sky. His heart beats faster as his fingers press against the small mark and a smile pushes past his lips. Peace rushes over him as he keeps staring at the moon, knowing that his soulmate is looking at it too. X-X-X Luke knows it’s about to come crashing down around him. He can tell by the pitying looks he gets when the boys see his marks covered up with band-aids. He knows that it’s not healthy to keep his marks so covered but it’s what she wants so Luke does it. Sometimes at night he sneaks to the bathroom and uncovers his marks. Like right now, he’s staring at his reflection in the mirror, removing the bandages after he takes his shirt off. His fingers reach to the wolf mark even though the comfort of it isn’t there anymore. He wants to call Ashton, tell him that he feels like he’s suffocating and doesn’t know what to do, but he doesn’t. Instead, he grabs new bandages and covers his marks back up. He doesn’t sleep any more that night, deciding to sit on the floor and pet Petunia until the sun rises. Luke feels tension wind up his spine as Arzaylea wakes up, receiving a soft echo back from his soulmate to try and calm him. Instead his guilt doubles.

X-X-X Luke is drunk, he doesn’t really know what’s happening right now. All he really knows is that he wants to go home. “Arz,” he calls as she dances on him with a drink in hand. “I want to go home.” Luke raises his voice, his buzz isn’t a good one, instead he’s feeling anxious and tight instead of loose and relaxed. She rolls her eyes, “Then go home Luke, you’re not a baby.” Luke swallows thickly and stumbles out of the club. He orders an Uber and calls Ashton. “What Luke?” He growls into the phone, Luke winces, he knows he hasn’t been the best friend recently. Luke tries to reply but his mouth just gapes open like a fish. “Fucking hell,” he hears someone else in the background, Ashton’s soulmate, “No, he’s probably crossfaded.” The call ends and Luke’s Uber shows up. Loneliness creeps in on him as he rides in silence and he feels a small echo. In his drunken state he puts up a block and feels echoes getting cut off. He stumbles inside, mumbling a hello to Petunia before laying on the bed on top of the covers. He’s awake when she gets home but feigns sleep, hearing her let out an annoyed huff when she can’t wake him. Even with someone sleeping next to him Luke feels alone. X-X-X There’s shouting, so much shouting. Luke can feel his arm starting to burn as the two of them shout at each other and he clasps a hand over where it burns. Then Arzaylea throws his phone and it shatters against the wall. Luke stills, eyes wide as Arzaylea stares him down. “Are you going to fucking listen to me now?” She takes a step towards him and Luke backpedals, fear clenching his heart in a tight fist. “No. No we’re done, I don’t want to see you anymore.” “What?” She seethes taking another step towards him. Luke moves backwards so the table’s between them. “We’re done, you need to leave right now.” His voice shakes but Luke squares his shoulders and makes himself bigger than he feels. Arzaylea glares at him before grabbing her purse and his car keys and storming out. Luke staggers to his phone, sinking to the floor as he gets the cracked screen to light up. Tears finally slip past his eyes as he calls Ashton. He doesn’t pick up. Luke calls again and on the final ring Ashton picks up. “What do you want Luke?” Luke shudders and the edge to Ashton’s voice disappears. “Ashton, Ashton please come get me.” He hiccups, tears falling freely down his cheeks, “Please, I’m getting a mark and I just broke up with Arz and I don’t know what to do.” Luke sobs, clenching the broken phone tightly. “It hurts so much Ashton,” his voice breaks and he whimpers. “Okay, Luke I’m on my way. Stay on the line okay?” “Okay,” Luke gasps and winces at his mark. “Please hurry, everything hurts.” “I’m hurrying Luke, I’m almost there.” Luke lets out a cry at a painful jab from his forming mark. Ashton opens the unlocked door and ends the call as he finds Luke on the floor. Luke spots him and launches himself forward, sobbing as Ashton holds him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Ashton I’m so terrible.” He clings to the eldest in a desperate attempt to keep him close. Ashton shushes him and picks Luke up. It’s not as easy as when they were teenagers but he manages. Ashton calls Petunia and she lumbers into the room, following him to the car. Ashton places Luke in the passenger seat, going back inside to grab an ice pack and pack a bag of Luke’s clothes. When he returns to the car Petunia is in Luke’s lap, licking at his arm where the mark is burning. Ashton puts the bag in the backseat and Luke feels his block go down. He giggles at Petunia, his heart hurting at the quick change of emotions. Luke nudges her away from his arm and just as he looks at his mark Luke feels like he’s being split in half. He wheezes, and Ashton looks over at him with worry in his eyes. Luke sends out a panicked echo, feeling it get cut off halfway. “Ashton, they cut me off again, but it’s so much worse this time.” Ashton reaches over and squeezes Luke’s hand. Luke looks down at his mark and feels his heart drop into his stomach. It’s a heart with a large black divide going down the center. “I’m never going to be able to forget her. The fucking universe just made sure of that.” Ashton looks at the broken heart on Luke’s left arm. It’s in the middle of his forearm and decently sized too, it stands out against the band-aids still on Luke’s skin. Luke tugs his hand away from Ashton and holds Petunia, small tears working their way down his face. Ashton doesn’t comment on it, instead he pulls the car out of the driveway and starts driving towards his house. Luke shambles in like a ghost, going to Ashton’s guest bedroom with Petunia in his arms and laying down. Ashton’s soulmate stares at the blond, her brows furrowed as Luke curls in on himself. “Care to explain?” “He needed me,” Ashton sets the bag down behind his couch. “I thought you were mad at him.” “He’s my brother, I couldn’t be mad at him forever. Everything around him just lit on fire and now he needs help to put himself back together.” “You know you don’t have to do this, right? Ashton you’re always trying to fix things.” “I do have to do this, not just for him but for myself. I can’t sit by anymore and watch Luke destroy himself.” She nods, pressing a light kiss to his lips. “You don’t mind if he stays here for a while?” She shakes her head and Ashton smiles sadly, “I’m going to let him be for a while. He has a lot to process right now.” X-X-X Getting better is a long process, Luke falls off the wagon quite a bit. Sometimes he’ll come back to Ashton’s shitfaced and start crying on the floor. Ashton is kind to him, picking him up off the floor and making him go to sleep, leaving medicine for his hangover. Luke knows he’s hurting Ashton though, even if his bandmate won’t admit it. Sometimes when he’s in his room he can hear Ashton and his soulmate arguing quietly in the kitchen. It feels like his parents are arguing, Luke’s stomach turns uneasily. So Luke starts playing music again. He begins with just playing piano, drawn to the melancholic sounds he can create. Ashton beams at him when he sees his hands curl over the keys. Even if his hands play slowly and in minor key he’s still proud Luke is playing music. It takes longer for Luke to pick up the acoustic that’s sitting next to the piano. Ashton watches him behind a coffee mug while his soulmate sits on the counter. His fingers strum over the strings and he winces at the sound. “You haven’t tuned this.” “No one’s played it.” Luke tunes the instrument by ear and then starts playing a tune in his head. “You should write that down, we could put it on the next album.” “You don’t think it sounds a bit too emo?” “You can be as emo as you want Luke,” Luke stands putting the guitar back. “I’m gonna go buy a journal. I’ll be back soon.” He grabs his wallet and keys, darting out of the house after toeing on his shoes. Ashton’s soulmate leaves late one night. They’d been arguing about Luke and it devolved into something completely different. But Luke could hear word for word what they were saying, they weren’t even trying to keep it quiet. Luke sits against the door like a little kid spying on his parents fight and a few tears slip down his cheeks. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he mutters, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. When he hears the door slam closed Luke wipes away the tears and peers out into the kitchen. Ashton is standing stiffly against the kitchen island, hands clenched into fists. “Ash?” He pads out, “Is everything okay?” Ashton laughs coldly and Luke winces. “No, we’re taking a break. She put up a block too, they’re hell.” “I know,” Ashton turns around and utters an apology. “She didn’t, she didn’t leave because of me right?” “Not entirely,” Luke winces again and whispers an apology. “Do you want to talk about it?” “I want to drink until I can’t stand but I’m not going to do that.” Luke nods and walks over to Ashton’s coffee table, giving the eldest a notebook. “Maybe writing it out would be better?” Ashton pulls Luke into a hug and the blond smiles. They spend hours writing together, each wrapped up in pushing all their pain onto paper until their hands cramp. Ashton is tapping out a beat with his pen and then Luke sings something softly. “Luke what was that?” “Just something I’ve had in my head.” Luke fiddles around in his chair, “Why?” “Sing it again,” Luke does, eyeing Ashton curiously. “We’re taking that into the studio, Luke that could be a great single. Do you have a name for it yet?” “Yea, it’s called Lie to Me.” X-X-X They’re celebrating the release of Want You Back when Luke’s right bicep starts to burn. Luke sets his glass of water down, hand clasping over his arm. Calum rolls his eyes and goes to grab him an ice pack as Michael is busy getting reacquainted with his soulmate. Luke sheepishly takes the ice pack, but his heart is starting to race. He doesn’t know if it’s out of fear or joy yet. Luke has removed all the bandaids that adorned his skin not long after him and Arzaylea broke up. He only wears one, over the broken heart tattoo, he refuses to even look at it. He and Ashton fought about that and it only stopped when Luke had walked away and closed the door to his room. Luke excuses himself from the table and hides in the bathroom of the bar. It’s usually a bad decision but the bar they picked is remarkably not packed. He removes the ice pack and hikes his shirt sleeve up so he can see the mark. His heartbeat picks up then stops dead in his chest. His fingers drag over the pitch black rose inked on his arm for a second before tugging his sleeve down. He marches to the bar and orders a shot of tequila, downing it quickly and telling the bartender to keep them coming. There’s a giggle beside him and he turns. She’s looking up at him, lips wrapped around a straw as she sips on a cocktail. “What?” He throws back another shot and she smiles, setting down her glass on a paper coaster. “You’re just funny, trying to act all tough.” Luke sits at the bar, furrowing his brows. “What does that mean?” “I mean, it’s pretty clear that you’re trying to act tough so no one sees that you’re in pain.” Luke feels his heart stutter as she speaks, vulnerability trying to claw up his chest. “And what do you know about that?” “A lot more than you’d think.” She goes back to her cocktail but Luke’s eyes remained glued to her. He doesn’t know why he’s drawn to this girl he’s met at the bar but he stays where he is, another shot in his hand. She looks at the glasses littered over the counter and back to him. “Maybe you should slow down, I’m sure someone’s looking for you.” Luke smiles, he feels the haze of alcohol buzzing around him. “Doesn’t matter, they’re with their soulmates.” She watches his finger trace the rim of the empty shot glass. “My soulmate hates me.” “I’m sure that’s not true.” She stands, abandoning her drink and pulls the drunk blond up. “How about I take you to your friends?” He nods, leaning his weight on her as he points to the booth Calum is in. Calum sees the two of them and intercepts Luke, putting him in the booth before turning back to the stranger with a placid look. “You should watch out for him. He’s in a lot more pain than he’s letting on.” “We will,” she nods curtly and turns around to the bar. Her hair is pulled up so her neck is visible and Calum sees it. The soulmate mark on the back of her neck, a circle with Australia in the middle of it. It’s the same size as Luke’s blacked out tattoo. He surges forward, pushing past a few people until he can reach her. He taps her shoulder and she turns around. “You’re his soulmate.” She laughs, actually laughs at Calum. “Sure he is,” she goes to turn away but Calum grabs her wrist. “I’m serious, just see if your marks match, please.” “If he’s my soulmate I don’t want to talk to him right now.” She tugs her hand away and crosses her arms. “I never got to meet my soulmate, do you know how much I would give to be in Luke’s position? You have no idea what he’s been through, just give him a chance. Let him talk to you,” she huffs and nods. She walks back over to the table where Luke is drinking a glass of water. Calum takes Luke’s left hand with little struggle and pushes up his sleeve. “Do they match yours?” Her right-hand grips her left wrist tightly and she nods, “Yea, he’s my soulmate.” Calum drops Luke’s hand who has taken to leaning on Michael and giggling. “I’m giving you my number, if you want to meet him when he’s sober just text me.” She nods, taking her phone and handing it to Calum, taking it back after a second and returning to the bar, ordering a new drink. Calum smiles and sits down next to Luke, shaking his head at the blond. X-X-X A week later Calum gets a text. It just says ‘I’m ready’ but he understands. He gets up and drives to Ashton’s, unlocking the door and barging in on Luke. He’s sleeping, mouth hung open and snoring lightly. Calum whacks him with a pillow. Luke jumps, eyes snapping open as he stares at Calum. “Get up and go shower, you have a date.” “Fuck off, I’m not dating anyone.” Luke turns over and presses his face into his pillow. “You’re going to want to go on this date,” Luke ignores him, “Come on, it’s just coffee.” Luke continues to not respond so Calum grabs Luke’s water off the nightstand and dumps it on him. Luke springs up, cursing heavily. “What the fuck?!” Calum shrugs, a smirk on his face. “You fucking suck,” he goes to the bathroom, turning on the shower. “I’ll drive you to your date!” Luke lets out another slew of curses through the door while Calum laughs and gets his phone out. Luke exits the bathroom with a scowl and gets dressed, not caring if Calum is in the room or not. As he’s putting his shoes on he gasps, “Calum, they just dropped the block.” “Maybe it’s a sign your date’s going to go well.” Luke rolls his eyes as Calum smirks behind him. X-X-X Luke sits at a corner booth, iced coffee in his hands. He stares down at his hands until someone taps on his shoulder. “Mind if I sit here?” It’s the girl from the bar, a coffee in her hands and sweet smile on her lips. Luke nods and she sits opposite of him. “Your friend said you were going to talk to me.” “About what?” Her brows furrow as she looks at the genuine confusion on his face. “About us being soulmates. Did he not tell you?” Luke’s mouth opens and closes, his eyes darting down to the table. “Guess not,” she turns her left hand over and Luke stares at the blacked out marks that match his. His eyes focus on the middle of her left arm, the completely blacked out heart staring at him tauntingly. Luke shrinks back but feels his left arm get tugged forward. “You don’t want to see my mark.” He whimpers as she grabs the bandage covering it. “You won’t like what you see.” “How do you know that?” Luke shakes his head and turns it away, he doesn’t want to see her reaction. His arm tenses as she pulls away the bandage and feels gentle fingers run over his mark. “Oh, oh Luke,” her voice is sweet and concerned, “Why would I not like this?” Luke looks up at her and he can’t help himself from spitting out, “Because I’m broken,” he watches her flinch and cuts off the echo he was accidentally sending. She gets up and sits next to him, taking his face between both her hands. “You are not broken because of a mark you got.” Luke wants to shake his head but he feels himself get swathed in comfort. It’s so overwhelming he laughs and a tear slips out. She wipes it away, feeling his hands fist her shirt. “Hey, how about I take you somewhere more private and we can talk?” Luke nods and takes her hand and his coffee. She tosses hers. Luke is quiet as she walks to her car, head down and eyes plastered to his converse. When they stop at her car she pauses before pulling Luke into a hug, it feels like coming up for fresh air. X-X-X It’s been a few months of dating Luke, nearing on half a year and he’s probably the happiest he’s ever been. He loves coming off stage to see his soulmate waiting for him with a wide smile and matching marks. He loves how he can talk about his own anxieties and will get loving words and soft comforting echoes. Luke really likes when he’s on stage and an echo of pride will hit him straight in the chest. His smile grows tenfold and sometimes he messes up the words but that’s okay. When he got his broken heart tattoo filled she was there, holding his other hand and distracting him from the needle piercing his skin. Around eight months into their relationship they get a tattoo together. It appears while they’re both laying on the back patio together, but it doesn’t burn. Instead it feels like a feather being run over his skin as it appears. They don’t get ice packs, instead they watch it form while wrapped up in each other. An anchor appears over the expanse of their right forearm, and Luke smiles. “It’s cause you keep me anchored right?” “You keep me anchored too babe, you make sure I don’t do stupid things like go cliff jumping again.” “Please don’t do that again,” he laughs, loving the stories he’s been told about all the painful echoes he’s been told. His fingers brush over the wolf tattoo peeking out from under her crop top, serenity falling over him. Luke exhales and gets up, walking back inside. She follows and hooks her arms around his waist. “You know how loved you are right?” Luke whines and turns around, digging his head into the crook of her neck. His hands travel the expanse of her back, stopping at the back of her neck to touch the mark there. Her heart warms as Luke presses a shy kiss to her lips before he runs off. She shakes her head and chases after him, laughter filling their house to the brim.