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the-returnofartemis · 5 months

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/ASTRO OBSERVATION 1/

i'm excited to share my first astro observation! i'm still new to all of this but i’ve picked up on some things that i feel compelled to share. however, i do want to emphasize that my thoughts may not apply to everyone.

okay, so i recently remembered that as an INFJ, we are considered to be the rarest personality type. this got me thinking and i realized that most INFJ’s are either water dominant (cancer/scorpio/pisces), possess fixed sign placements (leo/scorpio/aquarius/taurus) in prominent planets or have prominent water houses (4H,8H,12H) in their big six. coincidentally, i happen to know to other people who are also INFJ’s, and we all have prominent cancer, scorpio and aquarius placements.

✧ j-hope from bts is a well-known INFJ. although the accuracy of his birth chart is uncertain because there is no actual birth time, it revealed intriguing aspects. i mean, hobi’s chart indicates prominent water placements (scorpio and pisces stellium), alongside his aquarius sun!

yes, it is interesting to observe how neptune in the first house has a unique ability to draw in copycats but those with this placement were once copycats as well lmao.

‘the copycat becoming the one being copied’ trope is quite funny to witness actually

this behavior may stem from their struggle with their personal identity and appearance, leading them to shape-shift into the aesthetic or persona of someone they admire in that moment (this tendency is very short-lived by the way lmao). rather than taking the time to define their authenticity and discover their true selves, they find it easier to adopt the persona of another individual. sometimes, they rely so heavy and get caught up on external influences, that they lose the plot SO fast. but as individuals with this placement mature and come into their own, they come to understand that it’s fine to draw inspiration from others but recognize the importance of embracing their unique qualities and traits. it is this self-acceptance that allows them to become pioneers and set remarkable trends.

✧ ariana grande: y’all can never make me hate her, i am so sorry lmao but of course, there is no denying that she has faced many accusations of being a ‘mariah carey copycat’ but it is important to acknowledge that she has now cultivated her own distinct singing style that has garnered widespread acclaim and popularity. in all honesty, she has become the epitome of having copycats, even to this day lmao. the sheer number of women/fans/people in general imitating her, from her hair to her fashion sense to her mannerisms, is just WOW. like, the way how she has garnered immense adoration needs to be studied (i mean not really because her scoprio midheaven + neptune 1H undoubtedly contribute to her appeal but still!)

✧ kim kardashian + kylie jenner: when it comes to these two, there's not much that needs to be said lmao like their influence and presence in media speak for themselves. they have managed to create a significant impact, and it’s hard to ignore but let’s remember their roots and who they took their influence from.

✧ megan fox: she’s taken on MGK’s entire aesthetic. she has embraced his style and persona, and it’s interesting to see how it has influenced her own image, considering the fact that she is THE megan fox. even now, the timeless looks that she gave us in the late 00's are still being imitated!

in reference to my previous point, on astrology twitter, jade mentioned an interesting perspective that i completely agree with and feel compelled to share with all of you: having 12H placements can lead to losing the plot SO fast, so it’s crucial to be mindful. although the 12H is widely regarded as the most intuitive, spiritual, and governing the subconscious, it also represents the potential for self-sabotage and lose one’s sense of self. the influence of neptune, the ruler of the 12H, can create a distorted illusion and a tendency to view circumstances through rose-colored glasses. so, 12H placements, it’s essential to always stay grounded, and more importantly, maintain a strong sense of self to avoid losing sight of the goals and aspirations!

✧ an example of this is a 12H sun becoming egotistical and subsequently losing sight of their goals and aspirations, ultimately hindering their progress in life.

(get well soon by ariana grande just came on and i dedicate this beautiful song to all, but more importantly to those with 12H placements. remember that you are strong and capable of overcoming any challenges that comes your way – you can conquer anything. stay positive and always take care of yourself. you got this! — sincerely, a fellow 12H 🫂)

scorpio/8H moons are often labeled as “mysterious” due to their tendency to keep their emotions hidden from others on a daily basis. in truth, they rarely feel comfortable expressing their feelings, even to those they trust, as they fear burdening others. this tendency may have developed during their childhood, where they may have not felt safe or at ease in sharing their emotions, leading them to learn how to control and suppress them. however, if you manage to break through the walls of a scorpio/8H moon and they confide in you, it is significant sign that they felt truly seen and understood by you. this can lead to a strong desire to be in company of that person, as their energy provides a sense of comfort and less isolated. so, if you have a scorpio/8H moon in your life, they value you and treasure the connection you share.

the infamous 22nd degree, commonly referred to as the “to kill or be killed” degree, is often associated with rare and extreme circumstances. being a capricorn degree, it genuinely has a favorable influence, especially in terms of one’s professional life. but, individuals with this degree in their chart may encounter ongoing challenges and be vulnerable to gaslighting. overcoming these challenges serves as a constant reminder to nurture their self-awareness and resilience.

✧ example a: according to her birth chart, beyonce is believed to have three planets (neptune, pluto and chiron) positioned in this degree. in her latest film, “renaissance: a film by beyonce,” she courageously shares all the moments that highlight the constant challenges from those around, particularly her production team, who questioned her credibility and knowledge – she expressed that she always had to prove herself and felt undervalued in terms of her opinions.

i also just want to say that bey became artist that she is today by perfecting and learning every aspect of her craft throughout her extensive career. she has taught herself everything there is to know about showmanship, and to discredit her knowledge, especially to her face, is just crazy to me. her success is a testament to her hard work, dedication, and talent and she deserves all the recognition she has received.

✧ example b: chlöe (chloexhalle) has the degree on her lilith. unfortunately, chloe has faced relentless scrutiny and gaslighting since she entered the public eye. the placement of the degree on her lillth has made her a target for heavy negative judgement and projection, particularly in regard to her expression of her sexuality and individuality.

i mean it when i say that it is truly remarkable to witness her immense talent and undeniable beauty, along with her incredible kindness. i honestly feel like the public wants to keep her in a box, hindering her from fully blossoming into the person she aspires to be. she needs that space and freedom to embrace her own journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

✧ example c: jungkook from bts has the degree on his sidereal venus – the degree on his venus suggests he might face challenges related to low self-esteem and lack of confidence in his own attractiveness. also, this placement can also indicate that he may experience situations were power dynamics within his relationships come into play. while details about his personal relationships are scarce, as they rightfully should be, it is evident that he faces an alarming level of compromise to his safety due to the actions of obsessive fans and stalkers. the behavior exhibited towards him, like, being mobbed at airports or these fans intruding his personal space by sending food to his house and even going as far as issuing death threats. as a relatively new fan, i can sense that this issue is more serious for him compared to other members. these fans seem to lack an understanding of personal boundaries and persistently push the limits, even after he has politely requested their respect, which is truly disheartening.

it's quite likely that jimin and namjoon (other members of bts), also have this degree, given the challenging circumstances they have encountered and continue to face.

i also learned that this degree can also symbolize power and the ability to have immense influence over others. those who possess this degree in their natal chart often hold positions of power and occupy the highest echelons of the social structure (hence the name, ‘to kill or be killed’). this degree is found in numerous royals, politicians, and highly influential celebrities natal charts: justin bieber, donald trump, kendall + kylie jenner, kim kardashian, barack obama, the british royals and more. here is a post that delves deeper into the theory behind the placement!

gemini placements 🤝 wearing different hats (exploring various interests). they cannot for the life of them confine themselves to a single pursuit, as it tends to become monotonous for them. this may seem unpredictable to others, but, for gemini's, it is a way of truly embracing life and ensuring that they savor every aspect of it, just as they should! 🤭

also, the gemini venus slander in the astro community is so ????? like, yes, an undeveloped gemini venus may struggle with indecisiveness and inconsistency, but it is important to know that a well-developed one can be an incredible partner and asset in a relationship. developed gemini venus partners are known for their unwavering commitment to nurturing a strong bond in their relationships. they will consistently strive to contribute in every way possible to ensure a lasting connection, thanks to the influence of their sidereal taurus venus (may not always be the case though). they value stability and security, and above all, understand the importance of forming meaningful relationships, especially when they feel like they share a profound intellectual bond with their partner – like, they would not take it for granted because they know that not everyone has the capacity or desire to engage with them in that way lmao. they will be there for you until they are convinced, based on their rational thinking (which also depends on the influence of other placements), that they have thoroughly explored every option and exhausted all potential outcomes. even then, it may take them some time to reach that conclusion because they will need to make sense of it all, so, they will make a point to have conversations with their partner to ensure mutual understanding before moving forward. building a strong and fulfilling relationship requires dedication, and a devoted gemini venus will their offer support in all aspects – whether it be physically, emotionally, or notably, mentally. honestly, they will go the extra mile to ensure that they’ll do right by their partner! so, i beg, please, love us! 😪 lmao – sincerely, a gemini venus

also, a gemini venus + strong water placements (house/sign, especially in cancer/scorpio) … oh baby, just sit down and make yourself comfortable because you not leaving until there is a deep understanding of both the emotional and intellectual aspects 😭

the 3H, 6H, 10H and 11H are known as the GROWTH houses, where continuous effort is required to achieve meaningful outcomes.

3H → one must acquire skills, engage in learning and exploration, and find avenues to express the knowledge gained

6H → the importance of daily practice and consistent work on said acquired skills

when these houses are in alignment, they pave the way for recognition in 10H and 11H.

10H → gaining recognition

11H → benefits and influence that comes from being recognized

by pouring constant dedication into these houses, one can expect significant growth and positive outcomes!

jupiter aspecting ascendant/sagittarius rising/jupiter in 1H 🤝 bootylicious + hourglass curves! this can also manifest in having bigger than “average” features (example: big eyes, big smile, prominent thighs).

the “BODY SO TEA” phrase was literally made them lmao

capricorn moons often tend to be the ones who frequently disappear without a trace. they carry a heavy burden of responsibility for all aspects of their life, and often possess a strong desire for control. when faced with a situation beyond their control, they can become overwhelmed with anxiety and allow their fears to take over, resulting in the ghosting. also, i noticed that they find it challenging to find any glimmer of hope in any given circumstance. even though it is widely believed that having the moon in scorpio is the most difficult, capricorn moons may have them beat.

moon in 8H synastry is not for the weak—it is truly life changing. for this overlay to work, both individuals must have developed the ability to harness and channel powerful energy. without this, the relationship can feel unstable and unpredictable, with both individuals feeling like they're being pulled in different directions but haunted in love, in the best and worst way possible. it is worth noting that this overlay tends to have a strong impact on both individuals involved but it primarily affects the moon person.

✧ positive aspects: creates a deep emotional and psychological connection that allows both partners to truly understand connect with each on a profound level. this bond is so intense that it defies words and creates the desire to explore and uncover the depths of each other’s being. for instance, the 8H individual may possess an innate inclination to understand the moon and their innermost self, initially overwhelming the moon but ultimately embracing because of the sense of comfort provided by the 8H energy. this mutual willingness to explore and understand each other nurtures trust, openness and above all, an indescribable love within the relationship.

✧ negative aspects: gaslighting and power imbalance. the desire for control can create an unhealthy dynamic where both are constantly vying for power, leading to a breakdown of trust and emotional well-being. can also lead to being possessive toward one another that will result in the individuals feeling trapped. the possessiveness can stem from a deep sense of longing for each other, which will only further perpetuate the cycle of unhealthy dynamic (lovers to enemies trope + make up/break up).

one comparison that comes to mind is the tumultuous relationship between olivia pope and fitz in scandal. if you’re unfamiliar with these two, i recommend checking them out on tiktok (despite their toxic tendencies, their relationship was a guilty pleasure for the viewers because of the intensity and undying love they had for one another. like, i don’t know anyone who watched the show that wasn’t a fan of olitz lmao)

i also had this overlay with a former partner, and my goodness, was it something. he was the only partner i’ve had who could evoke such intense emotions in me and i found myself completely vulnerable to his touch (in a good way). the chemistry was so powerful, i really believed he was the one for me. but like i mentioned, as with any intense relationship, there were both positive and negative aspects to the connection. while the positive side was truly otherworldly, the negative ultimately won out and caused the relationship to come crashing down. i plan to delve deeper into this experience and share the do’s and dont’s of this synastry in a future post.

understanding astrology can be a valuable tool in gaining insight into your true self. to get a sense of the practice, i feel like it is essential or to at least explore “traditional” western (tropical + sidereal) and vedic astrology. each chart offers a unique perspective on your personality and life path, and by studying them, you can gain a more comprehensive understanding of your place in the world!

i have so much more to share but i’ll save that for another post. please remember that this only for entertainment purposes only and based on my observations! i’ve also linked the findings in case you want to read for yourselves. thank you so much for reading!

sending all my love,

artemis x

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remcycl333 · 1 year

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fulfill yourself in imagination

a collab with states girlies angel, kate, scarlet, precious, and maddy!

what is imagination?

imagination is literally one of the most basic and well-known concepts, yet whenever we talk about it in regard to law of assumption, suddenly everyone starts thinking they don't know what imagination is. they say they don't know how to imagine, or can't.

that's not true!!!!!

imagination: the faculty or action of forming new ideas, or images or concepts of external objects not present to the senses.

to imagine: form a mental image or concept of, believe something to exist or be so, suppose or assume.

imagination ≠ visualization.

yes visualization is a way to imagine something, but it's not the only way. you have been imagining things your whole entire life, even if you have aphantasia like me (you can't see images in your mind). you can imagine using thoughts, or sounds, or even smells.

every time you make up scenarios in your mind, or think "what-if", you are imagining. when you say "but rem what if this thing happens i don't get my desire" you are IMAGINING a scenario in which you don't get/have your desire.

every single one of you can imagine. do not come in my ask box telling me you can't imagine, because YOU. CAN. no one is an exception to this. imagining things is something we all do every day.

if you couldn't imagine, you wouldn't even know that you wanted your desire, because you wouldn't be able to IMAGINE having anything but what you currently have. you only want something because you can imagine what it would be like to have it.

think about reading a book. even if you can't visualize the scenes of the book as they happen, you are still imagining them. that's why you cry at a sad part, or feel anxious at a suspenseful part. because you are imagining the story as you read it. you are using words to imagine.

how do you fulfill yourself in imagination?

fulfilling yourself in your imagination is as simple as imagining you have your desire. it is giving yourself your desire in your imagination.

every method that we talk about in law of assumption can be used to fulfill yourself in imagination. affirming, visualizing, scripting, inner conversations, vaunting, etc.

when you visualize that you have purple hair, your inner man instantly has purple hair. when you affirm that you have purple hair, your inner man instantly has purple hair. when you script that you have purple hair, your inner man instantly has purple hair.

what is the inner man? it's YOU. it's who you identify as, and it's who you are in your imagination. so when you imagine something, you are giving whatever you imagine to your inner man. your inner man is experiencing your 4D.

i get so many questions, on here and twitter, of people asking "how do i know i have it in imagination? how do i know i have it in my 4D?"

BECAUSE YOU CONTROL YOUR IMAGINATION! you can imagine literally whatever you want to. how do you know you have it in imagination? because you just imagined you had it. so therefore, you have it in imagination.

your imagination creates your 3D reality, not the other way around. you can imagine literally whatever you like, even if it's not real in your 3D or if you think it's "impossible" to create in your 3D. do not condition your imagination based off your 3D! you can literally do or be ANYTHING or ANYONE you want in your imagination. there are no limits, no boundaries. don't hold yourself back in your imagination. the circumstances that you think are holding you back in your 3D do NOT exist in your 4D.

your subconscious mind responds to feelings. it doesn't pay attention to your thoughts, whether they're in words or pictures. you are not imagining to show your subconscious mind what you want, you are imagining to FEEL and EXPERIENCE BEING the person who already has your desire.

notice how i said "experience being" and not "become." because in your imagination, you already are that person who has your desire. there's no becoming, it's instant.

stop imagining to GET your desire, because you already have it. imagine to EXPERIENCE.

your goal should not be to imagine enough times that you get your desire in your 3D. your goal shouldn't be to get your desire in your 3D, period.

this is an inflammatory sentence for some, but hear me out. if you accept your desire as done in your 4D, and make the state of having your desire your dwelling state, your desire will reflect in your 3D because that's LAW. but your goal shouldn't be doing methods and fulfilling yourself to GET, your goal should be making yourself feel good. retreat to your imagination when you need to, if you're feeling bad or like everything's hopeless. retreat to your imagination and give yourself your desire. this can be as simple as repeating an affirmation a few times until you catch the feeling if you're busy with something else, or as involved as scripting or daydreaming about having your desire.

as i mention in my recent post, there's no pressure or need to be perfect when you start manifesting your desire. if it's hard at first, or you don't feel fully fulfilled, that's okay! practice makes perfect. the more you shift back to the state, and the more you give yourself your desire in imagination, the more fulfilled you will feel. until, eventually, being the person who has your desire is natural to you!

whenever you're feeling sad about not having your desire, or anxious, or worried, or lonely, imagine yourself with your desire. experiment! experiment until you find the perfect scenario to daydream that gives you the feeling of the wish fulfilled. experiment with affirmations until you find the one that gives you the feeling. this is fulfilling yourself in your imagination.

i used to repeat whatever affirmation worked for someone else, or make sure my daydreams were "perfect." but i'd never get the feeling. i would just go through the motions, trying to repeat these methods enough times so they'd manifest into my reality. but that was the issue. i was trying. i was forcing it.

imagination is natural and personal. as i talk about in my define: states post, we all experience states differently. we all experience life differently.

i don't remember which video Edward (of Edward Art) says this in, but he was talking about how hundreds of people will go to the same concert, and each and every one of them will experience it differently. and he compared this to states. we all experience states differently. the state of being rich might feel differently to you than it does for me, because we are different people, with different experiences and backgrounds and personalities.

for instance, say you're manifesting a relationship. being in a relationship might feel differently for me than it would for you. i might love differently than you. there might be things in relationships that are more important to me than you, that i hold dearer to my heart than you do. even if you've never been in a relationship before, i'm sure you have an idea of what your perfect relationship would be like. and it might be completely different than my idea. that's why it's important that we personalize our methods to ourselves.

whenever i was manifesting my old sp, i spent so long affirming "he is texting me right now" "he is my boyfriend" etc. these are the affirmations i'd get recommended to use. but i never saw any success with them, because they didn't make me feel as though i was already with my sp. in fact, a lot of the time they'd make me feel anxious.

one day, fed up, i asked myself what i would be thinking if i was already with my sp. i realized that i wouldn't be so obsessed with how he saw me, instead i'd be secure in the knowledge that he loved me and wanted me, and i'd be more focused on how i felt. so i began using "i love [sp's name]" as my main affirmation, because whenever i'd say it to myself, and really dwell on it, i'd feel as though i was already the person with my sp.

similarly, when i was manifesting money, i felt nothing when affirming "i am rich" "i have x amount of money" etc. instead, i would capture the feeling when telling myself things like "i can buy anything i want" "i can buy that expensive thing i've wanted for a long time." i'd daydream about the things i'd buy for my pleasure, even though the main reason i was manifesting money was to pay my rent and bills. but i'd conjure the feeling better if i'd imagine buying things i'd get enjoyment out of. and if i had enough money to buy these things, that implied i had enough to pay my bills.

so my advice is take whatever you are manifesting, and take a night--perhaps the time when you'd usually daydream before falling asleep--and think about what it is you want. why do you want it? how do you think having it will make you feel? what will you do with it once you have it? what will your natural thoughts be when you have it? for example, if you're manifesting your desired face or body, maybe imagining someone complimenting you feels better to you than affirming "i have my desired body/face." what are the things you feel like you'll be able to do or say once you have your desired body/face? imagine scenarios where you are doing and saying those things.

something i love to do when daydreaming about my desire is to remind myself every so often "this is real" "this is my reality" "i have this right now" "i did this yesterday" "this happened today" etc. it helps me to remember that i'm simply experiencing what i already have in my 4D, rather than daydreaming about something i want. it always helps me to catch the feeling when i do this.

something that was really important to helping me understand the concept of fulfilling myself is that i don't want my desires, i want the way they will make me feel. think about it: if you couldn't feel, would you want things? for instance, say you're manifesting an sp. if the feelings of love, loneliness, rejection, etc, didn't exist, would you will want your sp? maybe not. but you want them in order to feel--or get rid of--these feelings (and others). so every time i find myself feeling upset about not having my desire, or i feel myself pining for it, i give it to myself in my imagination. i feel the feeling of the wish fulfilled. because the feeling is what im craving after all! and, cherry on top, the feeling just so happens to be what my subconscious responds to.

imagining is different for everyone, therefore fulfilling yourself in imagination is different for everyone.

that's why this post is a collab with my amazing talented brilliant perfect gorgeous States Girlies!!

they're each gonna get the mic and tell you what fulfilling yourself in imagination means to them, and how they personally do it!

Angel - @angelsinluv / theangelsvault on twitter

[rem: angel's part comes from the middle of a conversation we were having about how we'd help someone who says they think they're doing everything right, but still don't see their desire reflected in their 3D. Kate and Scarlet said in their experience, it was because they were still being aware/identifying with separation, rather than being aware of already having their desire]

A: I felt like that too. Like that was my biggest thing

A: Tbh scar idk why it doesn’t “reflect” bc ik within the first few days shit could’ve moved if they actually weren’t caught up in “time”

A: I think what changed for me is that even tho I was fulfilling myself and “knew” things were supposed to change, i think I still wasn’t really considering it as a success. bc if it showed in the 3D, I’d consider that a real success and forget that I’m putting weight in the physical when it’s not real. like I tweeted today, people fulfill themselves to get things like “ok I need to fulfill and then the 3D will give it to me”

A: like yeah that’s the law but they’re still doing things to get it.

A: instead of going “I need to fulfill myself bc my inner man is really lacking”

A: people don’t know that they’re just our consciousness

A: They identify with an already dead reality once they decide that they already have what they want in imagination

A: imagine to continue being, not become.

A: it needs to take over their whole consciousness that they are already BEING and NOT imagining to BECOME.

A: everyone on twt thinks it’s a process but it’s not. they think it’s:

- fulfill and dwell in the state in the 4D > then I get to have it in the 3D

when it should be:

- fulfill in the 4D and that’s it. I already have it. it’s not a process. it’s already mine.

A: imagination is the true reality, you have to rise above physical matter AS GOD.

Precious - @/PrincessIn4D on twitter

[rem: this comes from the same convo i mentioned previously]

P: it might be the fact that they haven't truly changed their identity. like even if you notice lack, or your desire not in the 3D, why identify with that? because if you were truly fulfilled you would be identifying only with having. i get that they may sound like they're doing everything right. but idk, i feel like it's the law you can't not succeed if you are if that makes sense.

P: they may still be identifying as the one who is doing x process to get their sp. not sure if you all read the creative use of imagination neville G but that book was a real eye opener for me! i feel like now it's so easy for me to bring my desires into the 3D because of it. one of the quotes is "be willing to admit that the circumstances are only objectifying what you are conscious of, then change your consciousness and your world will change." you can only manifest what you are conscious of. somewhere they are still choosing to be conscious of not having.

P: you should be so fulfilled that the 3D doesn't even matter. when i was manifesting my brother's recovery, i genuinely would get the updates and not feel any type of negative way. it was a priority and i refused to be conscious of anything other than him being fully recovered. i could have those updates and said fuck the law it's not working. but no i kept strong. even if it as their sp's bday, how do they know that it wasn't the day their sp would reach out if they were practicing brazen impudence and staying persistent in being the one who has it? so that just signals to me while they may be doing things right for the most part, somewhere they're still focusing on lack.

Kate - @444kitkat / @/444kitkat on twitter

K: you're always fulfilling yourself with something in imagination. what's great about imagination, is that you can do whatever you want, whenever you want in there! how can you use this to your benefit? decide what you want. next, use methods to give it to yourself. remember that methods are used to remind yourself of what you already have, not to get something. you are not doing methods to see the 3d change. it will happen regardless, by law! the 3d changing is merely a cherry on top bc it is the feeling that you are wanting, not the desire itself. the amazing thing about states is that you have your desire now! you just have to accept it as being done! how? by realizing that imagination creates reality. so if you believe that you have it in imagination, it will be shown to you in the outer world.

K: how do i personally fulfill myself? i am a visualizer, so i go straight to the end. i ask myself what my life would look like if i had my desire & dwell on that! i also like to listen to music that fits the vibe & visualize to that bc it helps me to conjure up the feeling of the wish fulfilled! that's basically it. just remind myself that it is done & continue shifting back to the wish fulfilled when i think of my desire.

Scarlet - @stateswscarlet / @/stateswscarlet on twitter

S: For me, what fulfills me completely, is simply understanding that the 3D can never give me anything. Even if it seems like it does, even if it seems like your SP coming in, or that money in your bank account is going to fulfill you, at the end of the day, it will not, because it is you who is assigning it meaning and thinking it is important. Just having something doesn't mean anything at all. Truly sitting with this concept is what has helped me understand that when I give myself something in imagination, that is my only job. I cannot make things physical, that is not my responsibility, and I am glad it is not. How freeing does it feel, knowing that the only thing standing between me having what I want, is me allowing myself to enjoy my desire in the present moment? Why would I want to wait for it in the 3D? If we truly are a figment of God, which we are, why would we need to wait for someone else to come in and tell us who we always have been? I would say that fulfillment comes naturally, as your understanding of the law deepens, because without actually understanding this, you will continue to flip-flop between having your desire and not, because you can’t fully understand how imagination is going to fulfill you. Remember that you are always fulfilling yourself in imagination, whether it is for the things you want or the opposite, it is not something new or magical that you are just now doing. Basically, just accept that it is not your job to make things physical, and the physical world can never fulfill you the way that your own self can. Instead of worrying so much about the mirror and what is being reflected, focus more on how you can spend your time feeling good solely for the sake of feeling good, and let the law do its job. always ask yourself what do you want in the present moment, and take every moment that your desire falls upon you, as a moment to fulfill yourself. Use your desire to propel you into the state of fulfillment, instead of seeing it as a chore. Have fun with it, and understand your only job is to enjoy it in imagination only, nothing less and nothing more.

Maddy - @fairybaby777 / @/fairybaby777 on twitter

M: to me, fulfilling myself in imagination means to give myself everything i want the moment i desire it. by doing this, my desire is fulfilled in the moment and i am no longer left desiring. when the thought of my desire comes around again, i fulfill myself once again in imagination until im no longer desiring, repeating this process until it manifests in the 3d or i simply have no desire for it anymore because i feel i already have it! how do i personally do this? im a visual person and when i have thoughts, visuals naturally appear alongside them so im constantly just visualising everything. to feel the wish fulfilled i like to think of the visuals in my head as alternate realities (which they actually are), where i can tune into the reality i desire and live from that me that currently has my desire. it may sound confusing so ill explain further; by visualising, i am just tuning in to an alternate reality that is happening right now in this present moment. all i do is place my consciousness in the reality of my imagination and think from that state, thereby matching my state with the state of the me in that reality that has my desire. this causes my state to change which causes my physical world to change ! whilst fulfilling yourself, you must remember that imagination is the one true reality so experience everything there and don’t worry about whether things will manifest in the physical world or not (they will!!). all you have to do is give it to yourself in imagination, live from within imagination, and let your consciousness do the rest !

in conclusion...

stop overthinking! imagining is the easiest and most natural thing in the whole world! do it however you want to, as there is no wrong way to imagine. do what comes naturally to you. don't just do what someone else does if it doesn't make you feel good or fulfilled.

your goal isn't to get your desire your 3D, it's to give it to yourself in your 4D. you already have your desire in your 4D, you just need to accept that you do. your desire will reflect in your 3D once you've truly accepted it as yours in your 4D because that's law.

imagination is the only reality, your 3D is simply a reflection of it. that's why it's so important to fulfill yourself in imagination.

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sebsrainbowbicycle · 2 months

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Whats your opinion on the whole Christian Horner thing?

Let me preface this by saying, I have intentionally stayed away from this subject for many reasons, but given there was an outcome of the investigation today, and some of the information I’ve seen here throughout the past weeks, now is as good a time as any to respond to this ask I got weeks ago. This is not, nor will I be offering in the future, my opinion on whether Horner is guilty of the accusations or not. I just want to maybe provide context, and information from my experience and career thus far, that might help people understand, and also my opinion on the reaction from people. Caveat - I am not a lawyer, nor will I go into specifics of my current or previous job, however I worked in the legal profession where I worked on legal cases, reviewed evidence, and made submissions and recommendations that went in front of Judges.

Okay my thoughts. My thoughts are that an internal investigation that should have remained private for all parties involved, especially the alleged victim(s), was leaked and used as clickbait and gossip by the media and people on here and other social media sites. I think people decided guilt without having any genuine information, without seeing the evidence and without any credible sources. I think were the person being accused a different member of the paddock that the reaction would have been different. I think people used this to virtue signal and cry out about what good people they are. I think people that constantly say that the media and journalists shouldn’t be trusted, fed into a feeding frenzy that led to the name of the alleged victim(s) being published, which will undoubtedly impact them for the rest of their lives.

Onto specific things I have seen that I’d like to offer my take on:

Christian allegedly offering the victim a sum of money - First of all, for anyone who has a certain amount of wealth, especially those in the public eye, this is a usual occurrence. You try to avoid an investigation by any means possible, whether you’re innocent or guilty, because a) it’s easier and usually cheaper in the long run, b) pr and public image are damaged by even unfounded accusations and these things can run on for an extremely long time, and c) trial by media is a thing, and innocent people get tarnished for the rest of their lives because of something they were accused of. Now, I’m not saying any of those are why the offer was allegedly made, but those are some of the reasons. Companies do the same thing, when someone has an accident at work and hurts themselves, even if the company do not believe themselves to be at fault they will make a settlement offer, to avoid any legal back and forth. Settlements are not an admission of guilt, but a way to make something go away quickly.

Said money being why the investigation “went away” - I saw a quote that said “the grievance has been dismissed”, that means there was a finding, not that it was withdrawn. even so, this was a red bull investigation carried out by an external barrister. Once the company were made aware of the allegations, their investigation is independent of either party involved, so even if the alleged victim(s) withdrew their grievance, the company would still have a duty of care to ensure that any inappropriate behaviour or actions were identified, investigated and addressed. Most importantly, red bull want to protect themselves legally, and following the procedures and carrying out a thorough investigation, which would identify if they were potentially exposed to risk, is how they do that.

How can they ignore 100’s of pieces of evidence - We don’t know that they did. It was reported, but never confirmed that there was over 100 pieces of evidence submitted, so this is absolute hearsay. Further, I would be extremely surprised if the investigation ignored any piece of evidence, given the ramifications of an incorrect or improper investigation. Also I think it’s really important to say that evidence does not equal guilt or that one party to the proceedings is correct. Allow me to provide you with a personal example. I worked on a case where there was over 5000 pages of evidence submitted into a legal bundle. Approximately 4000 of those were from the appellant who argued that the other party had acted incorrectly. (forgive my vagueness here I’m not about to doxx myself). 4000 pages of evidence, which I reviewed and made a decision that I did not support their argument. The judge agreed with me also. Evidence can be subjective, and sometimes it can be completely irrelevant. The presence, and submission of evidence is to support one sides view of things, the other side will have their own, and both are examined and balanced and decisions made on that and sometimes also on other independent investigation.

The investigation is private and cannot be shared - This is law. GDPR in fact because this is occurring within Europe. I’m literally spending this entire week on a GDPR course, and have an exam on Friday, so I really don’t want to go on about legal basis and restrictions for sharing personal data, but let me tell you it’s for good reason, especially with investigations like this. All parties involved in this have a legal right to privacy, covered by the human rights act, and unless there is a compelling legal reason why their data should be shared, then it can’t be without their explicit consent. Simple as. And that’s disregarding that there will be confidential company information within the investigation that also cannot be shared.

Horner committed a crime - given that we do not know the specifics of what occurred we simply don’t have enough information to know this, HOWEVER, from the information I have read, and by the fact that I have not seen an indication that the police have been involved with this, nor are they carrying out their own investigation, I am working under the assumption that no law has been broken.

tl;dr - These are real people’s lives, we are not involved and we have no right to know anything. This isn’t salacious gossip, and it’s not a fun thing to band around and use as a stick to beat people with to prove how good we are. Processes and investigations like this should be private, and basing things on hearsay and unscrupulous reporters does more damage to any alleged victims than good. Having seen how fans and social media have treated this investigation, do you think that makes any other alleged victims want to come forwards? I think not. But that’s just me.

#honestly I know some people are gonna think this is me publicly takkng a side but this is impartiality #because I don’t know the ins and outs of the case which is why I haven’t spoken on this before #people who know me know what side of the line I fall on #but this amount of misunderstanding wilful or not has been driving me insane #and how this has been treated like cheap gossip is frankly disgusting to me and some of you should be ashamed #ask #anon #Dee talks #Christian Horner

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joelsmochi · 19 days

Text

honeypie - joel miller

summary: part 2 to honey (can be read as a standalone, doesn’t have much to do with the original plot!) warnings: not proofread, 18+, slight angst?, age gap (everyone is legal!!!!!), bickering/arguing, double date trope womp womp, degradation, dubcon, creampie, joel is a smidge misogynistic insecure and possessive wc: 2.6k a/n: this is mainly just some self indulgent yet rushed storytelling (so sorry, i wrote it in an hour because i was bored at work lol)! i wanna write a part 3 and actually include the beekeeping a little more but i have nooo idea how i’m gonna do it but we WILL get there one day babes!!! until then, enjoy this fluffy angsty sex 😽!!!💓

“If you guys are gonna bang when I’m in the house the least you could do is be quiet!” You heard Sarah shout from the other side of Joel’s bedroom door after banging on it.

Joel grimaced, his body tensing beneath you but you were almost oblivious to the complaints of your best friend. Almost.

You didn’t let up on your movements or noises whatsoever and as much as Joel loved those sweet little moans spewing from you as you humped against him, he loved his privacy much more especially when it came to his daughter.

You shook your head profusely when he attempted to get you to stop, insisting on how you were almost there.

“Soclosesoclosesoclose—just w-wait, I’m cu—fuck. Ahh, fuck, I’m cumming. Oh yes! Yesyesyesyesyes! Ohh—oh, my God—“

Joel covered your mouth with a clammy hand, feeling torn from his mixed feelings of lust and embarrassment.

Going downstairs didn’t help him feel any better either, especially when Sarah began berating you both, not that he blamed her for it.

“Call it payback for all the times I let you and your boyfriend have sex in my bed,” you retorted.

“In your bed?!” Joel mumbled to himself.

“Yeah yeah, could have at least waited until I was gone,” Sarah muttered.

“Sorry, Sar,” you hummed, “your dad is just really hot.”

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Come on, man.”

“I didn’t even know you were home,” Joel complained. “You’ve been with Jared or whatever his name is all week.”

Sarah’s squinted her eyes, annoyed by the lack of care from her father. “Alex. His name is Alex dad—see, I hate this!”

“Oh, by the way, Sarah,” you said, pattering behind the kitchen counter, “wouldn’t use the open jar of honey if I were you.”

“UGH! EW! Fucking ew!”

♡

“Other than the obvious,” Sarah mumbled, “how’s my dad taking care of you?”

You wore a bright smile and looked away from your reflection momentarily. Joel was… Joel. Rough around the edges but he was a genuine person, confident in the external reality but a little insecure. Not unbearably insecure though, just enough to make you know he was trying his best.

He wasn’t the most romantic but you figured it was just from him being out of the game for so long and you knew you could train him to be more romantic if it was needed.

He didn’t push you aside or make attempts to subtly suggest you needed to leave after sex either; he’d pout real big and give you those gorgeous puppy dog eyes until you held him. He loved making you laugh.

But it definitely still felt like just sex rather than a relationship. You weren’t particularly complaining, but you weren’t bragging about it either.

“Good,” you answered.

Sarah could tell from your tone how honest it was. Good meant great, happy, damn near perfect.

“Good. I’m glad,” she said. “I was worried he’d be like one of those incels that get real creepy and pervy after thirty-five.”

“No, no, he’s great,” you reiterated. “He’s very funny. Smart. He asks me to tan in my bikini while he’s working on the hive or the yard.”

You watched from the corner of your makeup coated eye how tightly she grimaced.

“Images. In head. Don’t want them there,” she dramatized.

“I have to hear every last detail about you and Al up to where he’s shoving your cervix into your stomach. You can deal with a little sexiness from us,” you said.

“It’s just so weird,” she whined.

“Do you want me to stop seeing him?” You asked.

You had slowly began to worry about how this would affect your best friend over time, you knew it was a weird situation. You had no issue cutting Joel off if it meant Sarah got to be happy. There were other men in the world, there weren’t other Sarah’s.

“No, God! No. It’s just not as simple as I was expecting. You know?” She explained kindly.

“Totally! I’d be weirded out if you were hooking up with my dad while I was across the hall. I’m not blaming you there, or anywhere for that matter. Just know you come first.”

“Well, yeah, who else is going to wax your back hair and not judge you for it?” She teased.

You rolled your eyes at her.

“Lots of men with weird fetishes.”

♡

“Can’t believe I agreed to this,” Joel huffed.

He adjusted the waistband of his jeans making his shoulder briefly flare. You let your mind wander while Joel complained about the double date you had arranged with Sarah and Alex. You were currently waiting in the parking lot for them to arrive.

“It’ll be fun. You’ll get to meet Alex and see he is a respectable man and you and I get to pretend we’re a couple for a few hours.”

“Pretend?” Joel questioned. “W-what do you mean pretend? Are we not together?”

“Uh, no?” You said.

Joel didn’t appreciate your amused reaction and questioned you a little more.

“You never asked me to be your girlfriend— you haven’t even taken me on a date,” you explained. “Did you really think that conversation wasn’t necessary?”

“So if we’re not together then what is this?”

You sucked your teeth before simply saying, “Sex.”

Once the four of you were inside Sarah and her boyfriend felt the tension between the two of you.

You watched Joel punch in all of your names into the keypad before pressing ‘start game’.

“So Alex, what do you do for work?” Joel asked.

“Oh, well right now I’m working at a café downtown, but I’m majoring in political science to become a lawyer.”

“A lawyer?” Joel sounded impressed.

“Lawyers are great at communicating,” you antagonized. “They know what questions are… Important to ask.”

Joel rolled his eyes and motioned between you and the bowling balls. “Just go. Good God.”

“Dad, what did you do?” Sarah asked.

“Why do you assume it’s my fault?” He defended.

“Girl, what did he do?” She asked you.

Shrugging, you said, “I don’t know. Since Joel thinks he’s so great at communicating, maybe he should answer. I’m gonna go bowl.”

“Hope you gutter!” Joel shouted after you walked away. “She told me I needed to ask her to be my girlfriend.”

“You thought she was your girlfriend?!” Sarah said with wide eyes.

“Well… Yeah? Do I really need to verbally ask her that?”

“That’s why I got a strike, bitch,” you said while slapping the back of Joel’s head.

Sarah and Alex awkwardly stood up so that he could pretend to teach Sarah how to bowl properly. But the bickering between you and Joel didn’t end there.

“I thought it was obvious,” Joel told you. “I have you over all the time. We fuck. We laugh. Did I really need to ask?”

“So what would have happened if I pissed you off and you were to say ‘it’s not like you’re my girlfriend’?”

“I do not sound like that!” Joel scoffed. “And I would never do that to you, you know that. I just kinda figured you were mine, you know?”

You squinted at his unearned possession over you, feigning offense and scoffing obnoxiously.

“Yours? I’m not your property, Joel. You don’t get to claim me.”

“Oh yeah? And what are you goin’ to do about it? Fuck some other loser?”

You grinned, and immediately he regretted his words.

“That’s exactly what I’ll do,” you whispered.

Alex and Sarah sat back down and you asked if they wanted anything to eat or drink before walking away to go to the bar.

“Hi, what can I get for ya?” The boy at the counter asked.

“How old are you?”

“Nineteen, why?”

“You see the older man on lane twelve?”

He looked and then nodded.

“Well, I wanna make jealous so if you could just smile and pretend to flirt with me I’ll give you ten bucks,” you explained with a sly smirk.

“Fifteen,” he negotiated.

“Ugh, fine. Can I get two lemonades, a beer, and a water please?”

“That’s not coming out of my tip, is it?” He questioned whilst punching the order into his screen.

“It will if you don’t start looking at my boobs,” you said through your faux smile.

You leaned onto the counter and gave the employee a clear view of your cleavage, which he seemed to appreciate very much.

But Joel wasn’t only focused on the teenage boy behind the counter, he noticed the numerous men gawking at your short shorts that showed off too much of your ass with you bent over the counter the way you were.

“Dad,” Sarah’s voice brought him back to reality. “Your turn.”

By the time Joel managed to spare you had returned with everyone’s drinks and Joel didn’t give you the satisfying reaction of jealousy like you’d hoped.

Wondering if you went too far, you drank a bit of Joel’s beer to imprint a lip gloss stain for Joel to taste in between sips. Something you noticed he loved to do over the past few weeks whenever he made you coffee or tea. You never finished your drinks and Joel always lined his mouth up with your lip print to taste you every chance he got.

And as you gave him the cheap plastic cup that held his beer, you watched as he habitually sipped right where your lips had been. Occasionally licking the rim of the cup before taking his next swig.

A couple of games later, you and Sarah managed to team up against the boys and kick their asses each and every frame. They sulked while you two gloated from the ending of the final game all the way back to the cars.

“Okay, okay. We get it, girls rule, boys lose,” Alex said.

“It’s boys drool,” Sarah corrected before turning to hug her father who placed a kiss on her forehead. “Night, dad. I’m gonna stay at Alex’s.”

“Okay, babygirl. Call me tomorrow.”

“Oh, and word of advice,” Sarah whispered after you got into Joel’s car. “Girls like what boys consider pointless communication. Take her out a few times, make her feel special, and ask her to be your girlfriend. She really likes you, she’s just making you earn it.”

Joel softly smiled and nodded. “Mmkay. Thanks.”

Once he got in the car he didn’t acknowledge you in the least bit, finally free to punish you for letting those men get a free show.

“Not a word?” You nudged his arm as he drove. “You could ask me now.”

He snickered, the most noise he’s made in the last ten minutes.

“You don’t get to just fucking claim me, Joel!”

Joel sped up before pulling into a rest area.

“Come’ere,” he hoarsely demanded.

He unclipped his seatbelt and began undoing his belt and jeans.

“Don’t get all fuckin’ shy on me now, girl. Come on.”

You hesitated but unbuckled your seatbelt and climbed into his lap; he moved his seat all the way back and pushed his jeans low enough for his cock to spring up and slap his belly.

Instinctively you reached for it, but he removed your hand from his hardening length and held your wrists tightly behind your back with one hand. Using his other hand to grab your face by your cheeks he forced you to look into his cold eyes.

“Do you not want to be with me?” His voice strained as he asked that, a hint of hurt glaring in his dark eyes.

“Of course I want to be with you,” you answered.

“I don’t play games,” he said, gripping your wrists even tighter. “Don’t fucking—“ A soft smack landed upon your cheek. “Don’t fucking do what you did tonight ever again. Get on your knees.”

He slightly shoved you back as he loosened his grip on your hands and face; you submissively sank to the rough carpeted floor of the car and he wasted no time pulling your hair into a makeshift ponytail and shoving his fat dick into your wet mouth.

He tasted so fucking good, the mix of his clean flesh and salty precum like honey dripping onto your tongue. Your eyes rolled back and you moaned along his shaft as you eagerly bobbed your already hazy head up and down.

Joel’s hips rolled up in pleasure, gurgling out helpless moans as your nose rubbed the wiry hairs along the base of his shaft. Despite the aching and soreness, you loved having your throat full of Joel.

You took initiative and pushed against his hand, nonverbally telling him to make you suffer, and he shamelessly did so.

He couldn’t tell if the slick that was coating his balls was your spit or tears and he didn’t give a fuck. If you were going to show some loser teenager your tits and some loser bachelors your ass the least you could give him was some fucking remorse, right?

Joel felt powerful, in charge in ways he never experienced before. Your flooded eyes looked into his and saw how contorted his face was, so even if he was the one telling you what to do you knew you had him wrapped around your finger.

“Give me that fuckin’ throat, baby,” he moaned. “Oh, fuck! That throat is so fucking tight—mnh. God…damn baby. Feels so fucking good.”

He smacked your wet cheeks as encouragement before slowly pulling you off of his dick; you coughed at the gust of oxygen that flooded your lungs, giggling as he smacked his fat tip against your puffy mouth.

“Look at you, baby,” he whispered. “So pretty when my cock shuts that smart fuckin’ mouth a’yours up.”

“You love my fucking mouth,” you smugly said as you climbed into his lap.

“I do, but I think you forget what it’s supposed to be used for,” he whispered.

“You can stuff my mouth all you want, I’m still gonna give you a reason to use it.”

An eyebrow of his cocked up and a grin spread across his face at your confidence.

“Take your pants off,” he instructed seductively. His rough hands ran up your arms and back while you did what he said. “There you go,” he moaned when you slid down on his wet cock. “You’re such a good fucking slut for me, honey.”

“Just—just ask me, and I’ll s-say yes!” You shakily moaned as you relentlessly bounced on his dick.

Joel gripped your neck and began fucking into you from below, pushing deeper than he needed to, definitely bruising your cervix.

“You know you belong to me. All that fucking shit about claiming you and how I don’t own you, fuck was that?”

“Joe—elll, ugh!” You screamed into his chest, not sure if you were cumming or if your cunt was just overwhelmed with sensitivity. “Just ask, just ask baby I promise I’ll be good I’ll never misbehave again.”

He popped your ass and chuckled cruelly when you flinched and moaned. “Be my girlfriend, babydoll. Hmm? I want you to be my girl. You’re already my slut. Will you be my girl, babydoll?”

Your eyes gawked up at him and you couldn’t suppress the smile that tugged against your lips.

“Yes! Yes, yes, baby! Oh fuck, oh fuck!”

“Say it,” he begged. “Say you’re mine.”

“I’m yours I’m yours I’m yours I’m yours Joel! Fuckfuckyes I’m yours! I belong to you! I fucking belong to you!”

Joel felt the familiar deep stretch in the peak of his belly at your cries. He listened to you submit to him, let him claim you as his, ultimately marking his territory as he began to cum inside of your warm cunt.

“Thaaaat’s my good girl,” Joel growled as he fucked the last of his spend into you.

“Fuck,” you exhaled, climbing off of him. “You’re such an ass.”

He chuckled at this, the softness in his laughter coaxing a giggle from you.

“You love me,” he mumbled.

“Mmm, not quite,” you said as confidently as your tired body would allow.

“Oh, honeypie… You’ll get there soon enough.”

#pedro pascal #joel miller #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fluff #joel miller tlou #beekeeper!joel #pedro

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gender-trash · 4 months

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(i am seriously late in posting about this due to The Problems BUT whatever! its here now!!)

somewhere around late november 2022, i asked my dad "hey are there any out of print technical books you'd like a reprint of for christmas?"

he linked me to a dubious black-and-white pdf of Foundations of Mechanical Accuracy. now, i wound up checking out a copy through link+, and the original edition is a really nicely put together book! the chapters are themed around various types of measurements (length, angle, etc), and they all have these cute little diagrams which the endpapers reuse in a lil repeating pattern... the image captions are done in this really lovely dark red that did not scan for SHIT... tons and tons of diagrams and illustrations and images (both color and b&w)... just, all around, a fucking nice book!! (see also @morrak's post about it here.)

and that made me feel kind of bad about the crappiness of the pdf, which is where the Problems began. i used my phone to take pictures of all the photos and color diagrams in the original and went about replacing them in the pdf, using what turned out to be the world's worst pdf editing software (i also got through replacing all the image captions in chapter 1 of 5 before my dad convinced me to give up). i did NOT finish the pdf editing before christmas 2022 (i was going somewhat off the deep end, because both my housemates were away visiting family and i had zero external structure in my life so it was just me and my cat and this stupid FUCKING pdf wrecking my sleep schedule together); i poked away at it for most of the rest of my time off and then got so goddamn sick of it i put the project away for months. "it'll be a birthday gift instead", i said optimistically (my dad's birthday is in april! it should have been enough time!)

gentle readers, i did not finish the pdf editing by april. mostly because it was such a miserable slog that i put it off until the last possible moment and then tried to make up for it with another death march.

hating both myself and the project again, i decided i was Not going to let myself typeset Anything Else before it was done, and then took a break to bind my immortal (using the renegade publishing typeset! i didn't do any typesetting!!). SURELY, i said, i can finish this in time for christmas 2023.

i'm sure you know where this is going.

in my defense i DID finish the pdf editing by christmas, despite first doing every other possible procrastination project (including a second edition of the little second century warlord book), because by this point my dad had managed to convince me to lower my standards. on the evening of the 22nd i kicked off the print job and said to myself "this will finish printing overnight and then tomorrow i can work on sewing the textblock!"

late on the 23rd, after lots of babysitting and using at least one cartridge of every color ink in my printer, the print job was finally done. (my sweet and lovely cat wants SO BADLY to hunt and stalk the printer while it is printing -- more specifically, the printed pages, i think because they tend to make noise and move and then STOP moving. for this reason, the printer is kept in the craft room, because the cat can be shut out of the craft room and thus prevented from chewing on the pages when i have an all-day book printing job going. unfortunately the craft room was also being pressed into service as a guest room at the time so 80% of the floor space was consumed by an air mattress which i had to repeatedly trip over in order to reach the printer and replace the ink cartridges.)

then i went to my parents' house on the 24th and 25th and apologized to my dad (again) for not having the book finished. but this worked out well because we finished putting together my awesome new book clamp:

(the feet still aren't done being painted so they're just dry-fit on for now but you can still clamp books in it and that's what matters!!)

i came home, sewed the textblock (french link stitch over four linen tapes, with sewn endbands made of variegated embroidery floss over linen cord, and kozo paper glued over the spine)

... and promptly realized i SHOULD HAVE PUT IN MORE OF A GUTTER because some of the text was getting reeeeeeal close to the spine. "it's fine!" i said. "i just have to make sure it lays flat!! what better time than to try out K118 binding, a technique i have literally never done before and which people on the bookbinding discord notoriously have a hard time pulling off first try! i even have tyvek tape for it!"

so it turns out that tyvek tape isn't actually tyvek with glue on it, it's tape FOR attaching pieces of tyvek TO EACH OTHER, which maybe i could have guessed if i'd done even the slightest amount of research or planning. at this point i think it was the 27th and i was still angling to get this thing done by new year's, so no time to order Actual Tyvek.

fortunately, i had ALSO received An Package in the mail with yarn for a totally unrelated knitting project... shipped in a tyvek envelope.

i peeled all the shipping labels and stickers off my tyvek envelope, cut that shit up, and glued it on there.

and THEN it was time for gluing on covers, which i thought was going to be easy because i had actually thought ahead and ordered materials (specifically acid-free museum board), except when i cracked open the box of museum board i decided i Didn't Like It because the surface was too soft and easily dented, so i glued onto it the too-thin board material i'd previously been using (so that the cardboard goes on the outside of the book). this worked super well (the cardboard stuff has a tendency to curl up from the glue moisture, but the museum board doesn't!) and i'll probably use it on other stuff in the future.

i thought the blue bookcloth i used was kind of boring but i showed my dad the available cloth options and he really liked it, so... what do you know? i cut the piece i used on the back cover very slightly too short but it wound up being covered by the leather, so you can barely tell.

and the leather... a scrap just baaaaarely big enough from my bag of leather scraps from discount fabrics... and this the first time i'd ever attempted to put leather on a book... AND YET the only complaint i have is that i didn't manage to put an even amount on the front and back. it's reasonably square and straight!! amazing!!

i am super super happy with how this project came out (especially given the number of problems i encountered) and oh my god check out how much the spine bends

AND, AS A NEW YEAR'S PRESENT, I FINALLY MANAGED TO GIVE IT TO MY DAD

#and promptly got sick after i got home from my parents' house.#which is part of why this post was so long delayed #the trashcan speaks #devil venerable also wants to exploit the memoir class for evil purposes #bookbinding

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youremyheaven · 2 months

Text

Rahu & Ketu: The Mystery of Being

TW: abuse, rape, murder, abduction, childhood trauma, violence

The more I study Nodal energy, the more I realise how truly hard it is to remain within its influence, it escapes your grip or eludes you so easily and I think even Nodal natives feel this way, its really hard to have a stable/consistent self image or strong identity because with Rahu you are sooo many different things and your energy is dispersed completely (Rahu being the "head") and with Ketu, you're in the dark completely so you feel unable to identify with anything permanently i.e you outgrow things quickly (Ketu being the "body"). Both Rahu & Ketu are malefics and generally considered to be inauspicious but please don't be discouraged!!

The reason why they're considered inauspicious is because Rahu creates excessive immersion in the material realm as these natives are always looking out of themselves/seeking external things to centre themselves around. Since they're stuck in the head (literally) they're unable to be grounded or tethered. This causes overindulgence and gluttony. They might seem greedy on the outside but truly this is driven by their boundary-less nature where they literally do not know when to stop, nothing feels "enough" for them, they never feel "full". Since they're so vastly spacious internally, they can accommodate a lot, this makes them very tolerant and accepting of virtually every one and every kind of experience. But this internal spaciousness also means that they feel empty, just because its hard to "fill up" all that space and feel "fulfilled". This causes them to overexert themselves and go above & beyond. They do this just because they can. This is why they're such obsessive lovers. They have so much space, so much to hold, they need a great deal of stimulation just to feel normal. In social settings they may come across as very hyper, very loud, very extra, always doing the most, eager to please everyone (its similar but different to Jupiter energy). This over-attachment to the physical or sensorial realm means that its hard for them to transcend beyond it to attain true spiritual liberation. They can never fully let go because its very scary to be cut off that way. Its like floating in space, nothing to hold on to, no gravity, nothing to fall on, you can't stay still, its all very disorienting.

The reason Ketu is considered inauspicious is because it causes extreme detachment from everything. These natives don't have a strong sense of self, they feel themselves dissolve almost and they're always wandering in search of something to connect to. This complete lack of attachment to anything material or concrete means that these natives lack grounding. In order to care about something you have to be firmly rooted in reality and Ketuvians struggle with this because they're never fully here. They may intellectually understand or support social causes but its a torso without a head, which means they dont have the energy to be committed to sustaining interest in anything. They're the type of people who go through a lot of different "phases". One can only transcend if one is connected to life in the first place, these natives aren't. It DOES make spiritual understanding easier and Ketu is considered one of the most spiritual planets but it is difficult to be rooted or grounded in this or be disciplined about it because like I said Ketu is detached. They inherently understand certain spiritual truths but its very rare (unless other positive placements are present) for these natives to fully immerse themselves in spiritual pursuits.

(table by me😎hehe)

Its very interesting to me that none of the Nodal naks have the purushartha ("motivation") of Moksha (liberation). All 6 naks are evenly split between Artha, Kama & Dharma.

This again points to how even though Nodal influence helps one grasp spiritual concepts better and naturally embody certain spiritual truths, these natives are not motivated by it.

But often what happens is that these natives are unable to enjoy or benefit from their successes. Their lives are full of ups and downs. The shadowy nature of the planets and the fact that the lack of physical existence of these planets creates a very "boundary less" energy that makes them susceptible to every kind of influence, good and bad.

Pierce Brosnan- Ardra Moon

Pierce Brosnan’s hardships pretty much started at the very beginning. Born into a poor family in rural Ireland, he was swiftly abandoned by his father, who he would only go on to meet once. His mother was forced to send him to live with his grandparents while she worked as a nurse in England, then his aunt and uncle, and then onto a boarding house. His mother visited twice a year until he could move to England at age 11, at which point he became the focus of school bullies.

In 1980, Brosnan married Cassandra Harris and adopted the 3 children of her late-husband, adding one more to the mix for good measure. But in 1991, Cassandra died in his arms after a 4 year battle with ovarian cancer, which would later go on to take the life of their 41 year old daughter Charlotte in 2013. By then, he had become estranged from his son Chris, who had a major drug problem resulting in fights, thefts, and 2 drunk-driving crashes in 2 years. The crashes may have been the straw that broke the camel’s back, as Brosnan had already narrowly avoided losing his son Sean at 13, after Sean’s cousin drunkenly drove off a 200-foot cliff. In 2015, the $18-million Malibu home he lived in caught fire and sustained $1 million in damages.

Kelsey Grammar, Shatabhisha Sun, Mars in Ashwini, Ketu in Ardra

Kelsey Grammer’s troubles started early in life, with his parents splitting up when he was just two years old. His mother’s parents took them in, and helped raise Kelsey until he was 12, when his grandfather died of cancer. The following year, his father was murdered by a home intruder who had started a fire, all in front of his new family.

Then in 1975, Grammer’s 18 year old sister Karen was abducted, raped, and murdered by four men who left her for dead. Sadly, Karen had enough strength to make it to a nearby house, where bloody handprints revealed she was attempting to ring the door. The house was empty. Kelsey identified his sister’s body one week later. 2 years later, both of his half-brothers died in a scuba diving accident.

Shockingly, Grammer has appeared at the parole hearings of the last remaining member of the gang who killed his sister. In 2014, he spoke directly to the killer at the hearing, stating “You could not have come to a better person in the world than me to advocate for someone who has made some bad choices. I accept your apology. I forgive you. However, I cannot give your release my endorsement. To give that a blessing would be a betrayal of my sister’s life.

Nicki Minaj- Mula Stellium (Mercury, Venus & Ketu)

Throughout her childhood, Minaj had to contend with her abusive, drug-addicted father, who would regularly beat her mother, punch holes in the walls, get arrested, and sell their possessions for drug money. At one point, he attempted to kill her mother by lighting the house on fire. Despite all this, the pair are still together, and Dad apparently isn’t too happy when she tells that story. To this, she says “It’s the price you pay when you abuse drugs and alcohol. Maybe one day your daughter will be famous and talk to every magazine about it, so think about that, dads out there who want to be crazy.” Nicki is currently married to a paedophile and convicted rapist so there's that as well.

Terrence Howard, Mula Moon, Ashwini Venus conjunct Saturn

Terrence Howard suffered physical abuse not only at the hands of his father, but his mother as well. When he was two, he witnessed his father stab a man to death, for which he was convicted of manslaughter. His mother raised him until his father was released, at which point they divorced, and he was sent to live with his grandparents. At age 16, Howard had himself legally emancipated, moved to New York, and lived off welfare while he tried to make it as an actor. While that was undoubtedly one of the hardest decisions he will ever make, it seems it was the right one.

Jennifer Hudson, Shatabhisha Moon

In 2008, Jennifer Hudson's mother, Darnell Donnerson (57) and her brother, Jason (29) were shot to death by her estranged brother-in-law, William Balfour. Hudson's nephew, Julian (7), was reported missing, but found three days later dead of multiple gunshot wounds.

Roy Orbison, Ashwini Sun, Jupiter in Mula & Ketu in Ardra

In 1966, Roy Orbison's wife, Claudette Frady, was killed when the couple were riding motorcycles. She was hit by a semi truck and killed instantly. Just two years later, Orbison's house burned down, killing two of his three sons. In 1973, his older brother, Grady, was killed in an auto accident while traveling to spend thanksgiving with Orbison.

Shania Twain, Magha Sun, Mars in Swati She was born into poverty with five siblings in rural Canada. Throughout her childhood, she endured and witnessed abuse to her mother from her stepfather, who lived with the family. Aside from the abuse, her family often didn't have money to have food for lunch or shoes for the winter. Even more tragic, her parents were killed in a car accident when she was 22 years old, and Twain began singing gigs to provide for her siblings. She told Oprah Winfrey in a sit-down interview, "Coming from where I came from, it was unimaginable to ever be wealthy. That was just too far out of my reach." She then went on to become one of the best selling female pop and country artists of all time.

Ashley Judd, Ashwini Sun & Mercury, Magha Jupiter & Ascendant

This actress comes from a famous family, with both her mother and half-sister being country music artists. Judd’s parents divorced when she was four, and she moved all around the southern United States while her mother sought success, attending over a dozen schools. Judd is the survivor of three sexual assaults, and one of these awful instances resulted in an unwanted pregnancy, which Judd terminated. The harmful treatment didn’t stop there. Judd alleges that she was also sexually harassed by Harvey Weinstein, whom she later sued.

Christina Aguilera, Mula Sun

Christina’s father Fausto worked for the US Army, meaning that the family moved around a lot, even going as far as Japan. On top of this lack of stability, her father emotionally and physically abused her. Her parents divorced when Aguilera was six, and she subsequently became estranged from her father. Aguilera used music to escape her turbulent home life, and her talent was obvious from a young age. This talent took her far, and she is now one of the highest-selling artists in the history of music.

Reza Pahlavi and his wife, Princess Soraya, Ardra Stellium (sun, mercury & venus)

Soraya was his favourite wife and supposedly his "true love", but since she was infertile and he had no sons from his other marriage, he had to divorce her to marry another woman, Farah Pahlavi, Ardra Moon, Magha Rising (who did end up giving him 2 sons out of 4 children). Soraya lived in Paris following their divorce and did fall in love again but she did not live a very happy life (her partner died in a plane crash). Farah Pahlavi's reign as Queen was cut short by the Iranian revolution following which both Reza & Farah were exiled from their own country, they lived in many places, Reza passed away 2 years into exile and Farah has since lived in obscurity in the United States. 2 out of her 4 children committed suicide and it is widely assumed that the family has gone broke.

Tragedy can happen to anyone and no nakshatra or planet will protect or prevent it but Rahu influence creates sudden gains and losses. What is quickly gained is also quickly lost. This is why Rahu is deeply connected to entertainment because not only is the entertainment industry entirely illusory, it also does not guarantee anything. You're a glorified freelancer basically. If you're not wise, you can lose everything in minutes. There is so much temptation all around you, you're surrounded by so many false promises and its very easy to lose yourself in all of it. We often see celebrities and idolize their easy lives but very very very few get to be stars their whole lives and live lives of convenience and comfort. For 90& of people its a very scary, tragic, difficult experience of immense highs and lows.

Nodal success feels dissatisfactory because Nodal people are unable to ground themselves in anything solid (unless other aspects that can do this are present) its very very easy for them to lose themselves in Maya or to be so completely detached that they do the necessary "maintenance" work that it takes to be a fully involved human being in anything.

Many say that the reason Farah Pahlavi's life was so tragic was because she took Princess Soraya's rightful place and Soraya's sadness had "cursed" Reza & Farah's marriage. that's stuff of urban myth but don't you think its interesting that a woman who wasn't of noble birth, rose to the ranks of Queen at the age of 21, lived a life of luxury very few can even conceive of and produced 2 male heirs!! which is all that the King wanted🙄🙄but ultimately none of it mattered? Reza having an "heir" made no difference because the Iranian Revolution overthrew the monarchy, they had to leave their palace, their luxuries, their maids and servants and every kind of comfort behind to live like nobodies in exile. They watched their treasury grow smaller and smaller year after year and obviously, no one was used to "working" so nobody got a job to take care of themselves or the others (I mean Farah and her 4 kids btw). They can never go back to their homeland or regain what was once lost. They're in a position that very few (other exiled royals) can relate to. They are socially and culturally isolated. All of these are Nodal themes.

Another Princess with nodal placements and a similarly tragic life is Princess Diana, Ardra Sun & Mercury with Moon conjunct Ketu

There are many royals who've lived more moderate lives or less tragic lives. Having it all and losing it all is a very Nodal theme.

It reminds me of SUGA's Interlude by Halsey (Swati stellium) where she sings:

I been trying all my life To separate the time In between the having it all And giving it up, yeah (Hey) I wonder what's in store If I don't love it anymore (Hey) Step between the having it all And giving it up, yeah (Hey)

Success is a very illusory experience for these natives. Its like trying to build sandcastles on the shore. I am by no means suggesting that Nodal people can't be successful, just that if they depend on "success" to give their life meaning, they're setting themselves up for failure. You ruin anything you singlehandedly obsess over, its important to know when to stop, when to withdraw.

These natives tend to go to extremes just to feel something

Zayn Malik- Shatabhisha Rising and Gigi Hadid- Ashwini Sun & Rising

idk anything about their sex life together but if we're to go by the songs then its 👀 giving bdsm

After that horrendous Revati video that Claire did years ago (and has deleted since I think) people associate BDSM, sexual deviancy and all around freakish behaviour with Revatis but you know who is actually crazy in bed? Nodal people

pornography impacts the brain much like an addictive drug by triggering ever-increasing amounts of dopamine. Over time, the brain builds up a tolerance to the excess dopamine and requires either more access or more extreme content (or sometimes both) to achieve that same level of perceived pleasure. In short, when viewing pornography, your brain gets less pleasure while wanting more, often causing desensitization and an escalation in behavior.

Kanye West, Venus & Mars in Ashwini

Kanye West's first encounter with sexual desire came during early childhood, fueling a dependency on sex that would set in during adulthood. “My dad had a Playboy left out at age 5 and it’s affected almost every choice I made for the rest of my life," West told Elle in 2019. "From age 5 till now, having to kick the habit and it just presents itself in the open like it's OK and I stand up and say, ‘No, it's not OK.’” The singer also credited his faith in God with helping him overcome his struggles. James Franco, Ashwini Sun

Actor James Franco developed an addiction to sex while he was recovering from an addiction to alcohol. On The Jess Cagle Podcast, he admitted to sleeping with students who were attending an acting school he previously ran. “It’s such a powerful drug,” he said. “I got hooked on it for 20 more years. The insidious part of that is that I stayed sober from alcohol all that time.” Since 2016, Franco has been in recovery from sex addiction and continues to work towards a healthy lifestyle.

Billie Eilish, Mula Stellium (Sun, mercury & ketu)

Billie Eilish went through her own struggles with pornography addiction after viewing her first pornographic video at only 11 years old. In an interview on The Howard Stern Show, the "Bad Guy" singer said she used to watch porn to feel like "one of the guys," but has since distanced herself from it entirely. "I think it really destroyed my brain and I feel incredibly devastated that I was exposed to so much porn,"

Charlie Sheen, Mula Moon

he is a pretty well known sex addict and sexual assaulter :/

Michael Douglas, Mula Moon

He's been candid about his struggles with alcohol and sex addiction. Michael even went so far as to say that his throat cancer was caused by performing oral sex on so many women.

Every good thing can be "bad" if its used as a coping mechanism and this includes sex.

Ketuvians are like black holes that absorb all the light, they have to suck everything in. They absorb easily but they don't feel rooted in anything beyond a short period of time. many say that Nodal natives have no moral compass or that they're thrill chasers or that they're not "good people" but honestly Nodal energies are just really hard to master. some people turn it into art, or work or something else where they can channel their obsessive energies fully without holding back. compartmentalizing things is hard for these natives so its important to have areas where you can go all out whilst exercising some modicum of boundary or balance in others.

Maladaptive daydreaming is another big struggle for Nodal people. they're also prone to nihilism and cynicism because they can't enjoy life in the same way as they need a lot of stimulation (they're desensitized to ordinary levels of stimulation of any kind). This means they struggle to find meaning in life. Apathy is their natural state of being. Its just hard to care because in order to care you have to be firmly rooted which Nodal people are not.

This is a quote by Werner Herzog, Ardra Moon who is a filmmaker known for his nihilism and scepticism.

Dos Passos did not have any major placements in any Nodal naks save for his Mars in Mula and Rahu in Shatabhisha but I thought his quote by him really explained things

The real danger of Nodal influence is the indifference and apathy that its natives experience. But Nodal influence is such that you have no place in reality, you exist in the shadows, you live behind the curtain, when your whole life is one long tunnel its hard to "care" or be immersed enough to fully take in their feelings. Nodal natives experience emotional impermanence which means that if you do not actively see proof of or feel a particular emotion, you believe it does not exist. they have to consistently see "proof" of your love for them to believe you. they seldom believe that the feelings others have for them are "real". they think they are the only constant in their life.

its hard for these natives to be passive and consume something without interacting with it. Moon dominants thrive in passivity whereas Rahuvians need to become one with that thing to truly experience it. Ketu also craves this sort of complete union but its different since Ketu pulls you into themselves whereas Rahu wants to pull themselves into you.

Nodal influence creates natives with a very nebulous self-perception and identity. They do not know who they are, they are a mystery even to themselves. Do you ever talk to a guy and think that he has no personality because its hard for him to list favourites or describe what he likes or dislikes etc? He probably has Ketuvian influence. Ketu people try on new aesthetics/personalities like its a makeover game, for a couple of months they'll have a hippie phase, now they're emo, later they're into retro glam or whatever. they like to try on different personas to see which one they like the best, i know this sounds kind of creepy?? but its truly because Ketu natives lack identity and rely on external things to give them a sense of self. This is why they're very uninvolved in the lives of others. They cannot give themselves too much because they dont know enough about themselves to "give" to others.

In vedic mythology, at the beginning of time when the devas and asuras churned the ocean of milk to extract from it the amrita (the elixir of immortality) Mohini, the female avatar of Vishnu, started distributing amrita to the devas. However, one of the asuras, Svarbhanu, sat in the row of devas and drank the amrita. Surya and Chandra noticed him and they informed Mohini; however, by that time, Svarbhanu had already become immortal. Vishnu, as Mohini, cut off Svarbhanu's head with his discus. Svarbhanu, henceforth referred to as Rahu and Ketu, could not die, but his head was separated from his body; his head came to be known as Rahu, while his body came to be known as Ketu.

Pertaining to this origin story, I have noticed how people with Nodal influence seldom benefit from "nourishing energy". This could mean they were neglected as children, lacked a good family environment, were abused or taken advantage of by others in their life (all of this is also subject to other placements in ones chart). Svarbhanu was a demon who temporarily became immortal because of a mistake. Like I mentioned with fame and success before, these natives struggle to "maintain" what they achieve, especially because their early lives were marked with deprivation of some sort. This could also mean absent parent figures. But there is a sense of "you shouldn't have been where you were".

Rahu energy manifests often as a very manic hyperactive energy

youtube

Ranveer Singh is the best example I could think of. He is known in the media for being an eccentric, hyperactive, loud cokehead lmao

He has Ardra Sun, Shatabhisha Moon

Ketu energy is more detached, more reserved, still weird and chaotic but overall less "hyper"

youtube

This interview with Lady Gaga is a good example, usually the people being interviewed are walking or moving around and trying to pretend its not scripted but she just sat there for the whole thing lol

Gaga has both Rahu & Ketu influence

She has Rahu in Ashwini in 1h as well as Swati Moon conjunct Ketu

i know i said last time ill make a post about the positive manifestations of nodal influence but its gonna have to wait a little longer 😬😬these are just some things i observed and i thought i should share them. hope this was informative.

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emmettworld · 2 months

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hello, my beloved whump community. this is Emmett. but you probably know me better as this blog:

or you may remember the blog before that:

you may have even been here since this blog:

...i'm not taking you farther than that. xD

my account was terminated without any warning today. March 25, 2024. all of my blogs are gone and i have lost everything i have on them. you won't even be able to see any comments or reblogs for me on any of your posts.

if you have commissioned me over Tumblr DMs and not Discord, please contact me here. i did not have a copy of my commission list saved. i do not know who hasn't paid and who already has. i do not remember who was on the list. i do not want anyone to be cheated out of their money.

i have no idea why this happened. i was not doing anything that could justify my account being terminated with no warning or explanation. i'm so paranoid about it that i won't even type the blog names; that's why they're images instead.

but at this point, most of you know the type of whump creator i am. one who creates whatever he wants, no matter how disturbing or explicit it may be. one who loves creating whump and content in general of the Not Safe For This Website kind.

getting one of my blogs flagged, and now losing everything, is not going to stop me. i'm not going anywhere. but i am going to be changing my approach to posting content.

this is my Language Key. i will be using a system of emojis for tagging instead of words, so please read this before you go on my blog and know which tags you need to block.

if you need to block my blog for any reason, go ahead. i don't want to disturb anyone by showing up in the tags.

all of my artwork that is Not Safe For This Website will be linked to an external storage website, MEGA. it is completely free to view and you do not need an account. there will be no cropped previews unless they are 100% Safe For This Website.

all of my writing that is Not Safe For This Website will be linked directly to where i post it on my AO3. it is completely free to view and you do not need an account. there will be no writing put under a read more unless it is 100% Safe For This Website.

trust me, i'll have a better pinned post up at some point explaining who i am and my multiverse of AUs, series, and OCs, and links to my commission page, and my Ko-Fi...and i'll do my best to finish the masterlists and, once again, build myself up from the ground up...

but i'm exhausted. i never saw this coming, and it's made me realize just how unsafe i am. i lost so much content that was only posted on Tumblr and not saved anywhere else.

believe me when i say that i am fucking devastated.

but i'm not going anywhere. i will die with this site when it eventually goes down, and not because it tried to kill me.

that being said, you can find me here on Cohost, which is where i'll migrate to when this place dies or where i'll communicate if i happen to get IP address banned (probably without warning) or something that prevents me from coming back.

if you don't want to refollow me here, i totally understand. i can't say how grateful i am to everyone who does, but like...i get it. it's tedious having to refollow me all the time, never knowing when a blog (or full ass account) is going to suddenly disappear. if you want to get off this crazy, unpredictable ride now, i don't blame you.

and if you decide to stick around, for however long, thank you. this day has been one of my worst nightmares and i don't think i would be handling this with nearly as much grace if it were not for my friends and everyone on my Discord server (which, by the way, is the only safe place where i share everything uncensored).

they were my first line of communication. they helped me get the word out. they rallied for me and kept me from having one massive breakdown over this, so my heartfelt thanks go out to them.

i'm using the whump community tags in hopes that more people will see this. i had hundreds of followers on my last blog, more than a thousand on the blog before that...i know this isn't going to reach everyone, but i hope it will reach some people.

thank you so much for reblogging this to help spread the word if you do. and thank you for reading. ❤️

#whump #whumplr #whump community #whump art #whump writing #whump creators #whump blogs #emmettworld

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soracities · 9 months

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how do you know when you're getting good at poetry? everybody dunks on halsey and rupi kaur's poetry, and i never really got why and idk if that's what i sound like

Honestly, I don't think there's ever a point at which you "know" you're getting good at poetry--I think "good" and "bad" are kind of vague and amorphous (and distracting) categories that don't do much in helping us understand the feel and impact of certain writing, chiefly because they can also be deeply subjective. How a poet views a particular work and how a reader views it will be very, very different because their relationship to the work is different. I also think "good" is a sort of external category that does not (or should not) carry into the act of writing itself--when you make "is this good?" the chief consideration as you write, you're not actually present in the writing: you're focused on the finished product, not the process, but the process is the most important thing: that's where the poem actually meets you. I think growth, in writing, is less about knowing if you're "good" in this regard, and more about being able to have confidence, or simply just trust, in the writing as it happens.

There's a famous saying somewhere that a work of literature is never "finished"--it just stops. I think skill, when it comes to writing, lies in recognising where this point is, in learning and developing how you navigate what it is you want to say, and how you say it. Some poems, eventually, reach a point where you can take them no further and you know there is nothing more to be said in them or through them. Some poems reach a point where you can take them no further, but there is still something left to be said in them. Those poems get revisited, worked, and reworked again, until they (maybe) get close to the first category: this may mean you work on them for a few weeks, or for years--but either way you are prioritizing the process of making the poem, not how it will be received. "Is this a good poem?" in my view at least, is not really the relevant question--what's relevant is "is this true to what I wanted to say?" Leonard Cohen famously wrote over 100 drafts of "Hallelujah"--I don't know if the central question for him here was just a matter of his skills as a songwriter.

Regarding Halsey and Rupi Kaur, I've only been able to read Halsey's poems through previews on Google Books so I don't know what other people's critiques are--based on what I saw, though, I don't know if it makes sense to criticize their quality as "poems" when she is primarily a songwriter and a lot of those poems wound up as songs. I'm more familiar with Rupi Kaur's writing, though, and others like her (Atticus, Michael Faudet etc), and while I have a personal policy of not getting into Kaur online (there's an ask here which is about as much as I'm willing to say regarding my feelings on her writing)--I can get into this trend or poetry "style" as a whole. And to be honest I think the chief issue here with poetry like this is that poetry, by definition, involves a deep and intimate relationship with language: this holds true regardless of whether the poem is simple, or complex, whether it's 5 lines long or goes on for 50 pages. As I said in that previous ask, it's not something you can reduce to a formula, nor is it a matter of mere reportage or a collection of statements: what makes a poem has nothing to do with line breaks (prose poems exist), but everything to do with how the language moves, how the language of a poem engages with its own content, with itself, and, as a result, with the reader.

The kind of work that proliferates on Instagram does not have that kind of engagement with language--they are, to me, pieces of information more than anything else. They reduce language to a series of stock phrases that act, not as actual words, but as images (and I don't mean this in a visually evocative way). It tries to evoke something that requires a thoughtful and sustained examination in order to be expressed, by surpassing the reality of what that examination actually requires. It tries to ape the effect of a powerful poem without the work that goes into actually being able to make that kind of a poem in the first place: and that work is a sustained encounter and confrontation with the language used and its relationship to what it tries to convey, in understanding that words are not interchangeable blocks you move around willy-nilly but that they have weight and intention, that they interact with each other to build up an idea or a feeling or a landscape in the most accessible way (insofar as language can make anything accessible, at least). But this is rarely, if ever, felt in IG poetry because it refuses to recognize or respect the demands and requirements of the medium it uses.

And because it is lacking in this engagement and recognition, these poems are also, for the most part, lacking sincerity--and this, to me, is one of the most crucial things when it comes to writing. I recall one IG poet whose work was in the same class as someone like Atticus, but I also recall one of his poems which genuinely moved me--and it moved me because, unlike everything else on his account, that poem felt sincere: the structure and the language wasn't any different to anything else he wrote, but in reading it, it was not a question for me of whether it was "bad" or "good"--what made the impact was that it was honest: and the difference showed. You can't come into a poem with ulterior motives. You can't come into it without an understanding, or respect, for the language you use. I'm absolutely not policing what people should or shouldn't read, and I'm not saying people are wrong for liking these poems, either, or that Halsey, Kaur, Atticus et al., are wrong for writing them. Expression is expression, and what speaks to you speaks to you. And to be honest, it is a different kettle of fish when you are writing something purely for yourself (and I think allowing yourself to partake in any kind of artform, without worrying about needing to be good at it, is deeply important for the human spirit)--but because they are putting their work out publicly, if we are going to be evaluating what they write and how they write it, that evaluation has to be rooted in an understanding of the art form they intend their work to be a part of.

For me, these are the main issues I have with these writers and their work and why I just do not like them. But I also want to stress that, ultimately, what you sound like in your own poems, anon, does not matter as much as being sincere to yourself does. As I said, I don' like using terms like "good" and "bad" and I think that often they're fairly reductive (and sometimes outright pointless) categories to use when we talk about and assess poetry--more than anything else, the key to building a robust and informed discernment when it comes to poems is to simply just read--read a lot of it and read widely. The broader and richer your repository of poetry (and literature in general) is, the more informed you are when it comes to all the different ways language can move through a poem, and all the different impacts it can have as a result. It deepens and enriches your understanding of all the different ways of looking at something, questioning something, expressing something. Your vocabularly grows and deepens; your net of associations--visual, linguistic etc--strengthens. And when this understanding grows you are able to place the things you read into a much wider and far more informed context. And this in turn allows you to grow as a reader and a writer. I hope this helps you a little, anon 💕

#ask #anonymous #book talks

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whenmemorydies · 30 days

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Preliminary thoughts on The Bear, race, power and privilege

I’m a non-Black woman of colour who has spent all of my life in the west…so I’ve consumed a lot of television media that is produced by and for the white gaze. The most obvious way that gaze plays out is when people of colour are non-existent in a cast, or when they are included, are tokenistic, bit players.

A more insidious manifestation is where POC are cast to play parts that could just as easily be played by white folks: characters that have no interiority or external relationships related to their cultural identities, wider communities or individual or collective histories (for example, Mindy in The Mindy Project for most of its run, or the characters of colour in Season 1 of Bridgerton).

I've had some thoughts about how The Bear (thankfully) avoids tokenistic and "colour-blind" representation. I also have some thoughts about how the show models meaningful allyship. I'm so keen to discuss this with folks and hear what others think about it too.

Unambiguous and unapologetic

The Bear is confined in its universe, particularly in season 1 where it’s focus is tightly bound to the physical location of The Beef as the setting for almost every scene. Episodes of The Bear are generally not very long, so time is precious (every second really does count). These factors necessarily limit how deep we can get into each character. But the show is so good at drawing on different means of communication: images, lighting, score, soundtrack, phrasing, callbacks to previous episodes, other cultural references etc, that each episode is like a jewellery box with gems waiting to be unpacked and pored over. I've said that I have started reading this show like a tarot deck because of how rich the symbolism in each episode is.

So despite the constraints of time and setting, characters of colour in this show are also so very rich in their realisation and portrayal. These characters are unambiguously and - this is important - unapologetically racialised: through language (see: Tina’s use - and occasional weaponisation lmao - of Spanish), physical appearance (see: Sydney’s two-tone braids and her stunning, prolific collection of headscarves throughout the show), culturally distinct names (see: Sydney Adamu, Ebraheim, Tina Marrero, etc), food (see: Carmy’s peace offering to Syd in ep 1x03 of Ebra’s family chicken suqaar - a popular dish in the latter character’s birth country of Somalia), etc.

GIF by @chefkids

These may seem like small and inconsequential details to some. In fact I’ve been seeing a lot of commentary from folks online saying that what they like about The Bear is that race isn’t mentioned at all on the show. But make no mistake: race is all over this thing. The examples I've given are only some of the many references to racialised histories and cultures that build out the broader fabric of multicultural Chicago here.

What is not present in The Bear is a script that is wasting time explaining the characters of colour and their rich inner and outer lives to white folks. Those things are just a given and we are invited to witness them being brought to vivid life by this cast and crew. And I am fucking here for it.

Respect and allyship

Another thing I LOVE about this show is the respect given to, and the recognition of, the experience, talent, drive and ambition of its characters of colour.

This is most obvious in the relationship between Syd and Carmy who are signalled as complementary equals in many ways. Others have written on the importance of the representation embodied by Sydney’s character and you should search out that analyses, especially when its authored by Black women. The only other thing I’d say about it is that I love Sydney’s character and I also love endgame Sydcarmy (even if it’s only hinted at in the last second of the last frame of the last ever episode lmao…I will take whatever I can get of these two 😭).

I also see the show’s respect and recognition manifest in The Bear's investment in its staff, particularly in season 2. Everyone who worked at The Beef has a role at The Bear and Carmy, Syd and Nat fund the ongoing training and upskilling of their largely racialised staff to make sure this happens. Ebra and Tina are paid to attend culinary school (Carmy also gives Tina his prized knife for her studies and beyond). Marcus is sent to stage in Copenhagen to develop his skills as a patissier. And then we have The Bear itself - what started as Carmy and Michael’s vision, is now the whole team’s baby, with Sydney literally being made the captain of the ship by Carmy at the end of ep 2x09.

GIF by @savagegood

Part of what was so tragic about Carmy's fridge spiral at the end of season 2 was that he didn't get to see how beautifully the team came through in a crisis. Instead we had him internalising, regressing and lamenting how he had let everyone down. This language centred Carmy as the be all and end all of The Bear (saviour vibes) when this couldn't have been further from the truth (particularly in a season where the man spent so much of his time not in the restaurant but chasing manic pixie no-last-name-having Claire....but I digress).

Carmy is his best when he checks his ego, takes a step back and realises that he is not alone. He is part of a whole chosen family supporting one another at The Bear. And I get the sense that the folks creating this show know that we need more white folks using their power and privilege to step back and facilitate access, and less gatekeeping white saviours taking credit where its not due.

After all, and paraphrasing Viola Davis, the only thing that separates people of colour from anyone else, is opportunity.

12/04/24 Note: I’ve amended this post because I forgot to mention the most pivotal example of Sydney along with her relationship with Carmy. Also made some slight stylistic changes to phrasing cos i fixate on errors lol

#the bear #the bear hulu #the bear fx #white gaze #critical race theory #carmen berzatto #sydney adamu #tina marrero #ebraheim #marcus brooks #allyship #white privilege #power #chris storer #joanna calo #sydney x carmen #sydcarmy #carmy x sydney

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profounddefendorcrusade-blog · 24 days

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Flaws/imperfections of each main character

because we all have em'.

Dalv

pushes people away

clings so much to how things turned out in the past that he's unwilling to make new memories

as that one sweet corn said if you backtrack, he's a "mopey mope"

deff has OCD

not trusting

not friendly

unwilling to get out of his comfort zone

trusts his own judgement too much

he's literally me. I feel called out... thanks, Dalv. You're awesome ❤️

Martlet

unwilling to get out of her comfort zone

slacker

scatterbrained

bit of a dummy (I feel so bad for saying this; love you Marts! ❤️)

blames herself too much

anxious

not sure if she's depressed, but she DOES lack self-confidence and is a bit awkward at times

REALLY likes material comforts & nice things to the point where it was her main reason (besides not having to work too hard) for keeping the not-so-moral royal guard job (also mentions how she wants to steal jewels from the mines)

unsure of herself and her future

gives too many chances/a bit naive (to geno Clover)

trusts her own judgement too much (that getting a job as the royal guard was a good idea, that geno Clover is good deep down)

Starlo

INSECURE INSECURE INSECURE

doesn't love himself :(

kidnaps a child

overly enthusiastic to the point he literally "started a fire"

reckless (while North Star)

relies so heavily on his social image that he expects it to make him feel worthy (of love, admiration)

hides his quirks

a biiit arrogant (while North Star)

mischievous childish trickster (to Blackjack, maybe… unless Jack's role-playing the role of the "victim"; while North Star)

needs too much external validation

uses distractions to escape negative things/emotions instead of dealing with them

people pleaser

puts too much pressure on himself

ignorant (of many things such as horses and gumballs, but mostly of his and others' true feelings and desires) He just doesn't get that the others weren't having a good time, and that they wanted the old him back. He just doesn't get that all he did, he did because he doesn't like who he is and wants others to love him for his persona. Thankfully he realized it in the end

refuses to accept that he was being too much into this whole thing and instead turns to STATUS STATUS STATUS (more love, more admiration = getting his friends back)

hides his true self from the world

just wants to be cool

naive and foolish (don't even remind me of geno)

my boy's totally not perfect, gotta love him for it :)

P.s: holy heck he's the most flawed of them. Love you sm star 🌟 ❤️

Ceroba

manipulative

liar and hypocrite

pessimistic

blames herself too much

won't forgive (herself) and forget (what she did wrong)

stubborn

emotionally weak (sorry Cer, Star helps ya with this)

emotions and feelings influence her actions too much (praising Chujin even though he didn't win a prestigious award, injects Kanako the second she mentions how Chujin's dream could "come true" if she injects her, willing to brutally hit Martlet and Starlo and potentially kill them just for what she felt she had to do, aka kill Clover)

clings to the past too much/nostalgic of better times instead of making new, happy memories and letting things go (you can do this, Cer ❤️)

everyone

• willingly or unwillingly killed/almost killed a child

• ok guys, I really can't excuse this one. Sorry :(( I love you all tho :))

#uty #undertale yellow #uty dalv #uty martlet #uty starlo #uty ceroba #dalv uty #martlet uty #starlo uty #ceroba uty #ceroba ketsukane #I just HAD to compliment each of them #didn't include clover #mainly because the only thing they have to overcome is prejudice #and only seeing justice as black and white

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wanderingsorcerer · 9 months

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Scrying, A History And Guide To One Of The World's Oldest Practices ~ by W.S

Scrying is a subcategory in the Art of Divination, in its simplest form, scrying is gazing into the surface of an object and allowing the mind to wander, opening oneself up to the other side allowing images and words into your brain from an external non-physical source. Basically Hallucinating Without the use of Drugs.

Scrying Throughout The Ages

Babylonia

Scrying has been practiced for thousands of years. Our modern history holds Babylonia as the earliest written record of the practice, they put water in bowls alongside droplets of oil. This process was known as lecanomancy a subcategory of hydromancy, and the scryers would read the shapes the oil made within the water to divine possible futures or speak with the dead. The practice spread and later it became more common to simply use water as it was a naturally reflective surface.

Hebrew Bible

The Hebrew Bible Briefly Goes over an object which is supposedly used for scrying in Chapter 44 of The Book Of Genesis. A silver chalice is placed inside Benjamin's Sack to frame him for theft. In his trial, it is stated that the chalice is used for divination, but in the Book Of Genesis, it is never expressly stated he actually did any Divination.

Ancient Persia

The Ancient Persian Epic The Shahnameh, from the 10th Century, details a mystical object known as The Cup Of Jamshid, which was said to be used by ancient Persian kings to Observe the "Seven Layers Of The Universe". The Cup Of Jamshid is said to have been first used in Persepolis, which existed from 518-330 BCE.

John Dee and Sir Edward Kelley

In 1582, John Dee sought the guidance of one of the most famous scryers of the time Sir. Edward Kelley. It was through his teachings that John Dee was able to crack the code of proper visualization and begin to transcribe what he believed to be the voices of angels. They guided him to create Angelical or as it's known today, Enochian.

Scrying and its modern-day PreConceptions

Scrying has garnered much popularity in Hollywood's portrayal of witches, in the TV Show Charmed, witches use scrying to find lost objects or the location of Demons. In Supernatural it allows for a witch to see things from a great distance away. And while yes it is true that one can hone these skills to a degree of supernatural clarity, I would be lying if I said it was as Visually stunning in real life.

The Reality is in the Modern Era, Scrying allows one to commune with the spirits of their ancestors and commune with the other side just as it has always been. And with those trained in the art of divination, one can read the past and future of a person or kingdom. The theatrics of modern television paint scrying as a showcase of our abilities, but to the uninitiated when they see someone scrying, they are often unprepared for how dull it is. When a person is scrying and is in a trance, their eyes go dead as they allow their mind to wander. These trance states are what allow one to see past the veil and into the supernatural realm. But to external viewers, it is rather boring, to say the least. This is why you won't often see a practitioner scrying in front of people who haven't the foggiest idea of its nuances.

Simple Scrying Ritual For Communing With Ancestral Spirits By W.S

To begin scrying safely one must understand the dangers, you are preparing to go into the world of the supernatural, the things you see can see you as well and you must be aware that they can leave a permanent scar on your psyche if abused in any manner. Go into it with wards up and confidence in your abilities.

This scrying ritual is used to commune with the spirits of one's own ancestors and when done properly can allow you to have conversations and get advice from them.

Opus Est

Patience

Candle

Dark Room

Mirror

Sacred Water

Oil

Salt

Before anything, one must prep the mirror for communing with the Ancestral Spirits, To do this mix together one part water, salt, and oil into a slurry. Dipping the left ring finger into the mixture begin drawing the pentacle in each corner of the mirror, connecting each pentacle with a line following the edge of the mirror as shown below

As you are drawing on the pentacles, feel free to use the below chant, but you may change it to your liking so long as the main goals are the same.

" Lock This Mirror, Lock It Tight, Lock it now with sacred light. Let only those whom I call, Answer Me to give me guidance. May no evil enter through this portal, and may no unnamed spirit answer my calls. As I have said it so it has always been."

The mirror is now prepped for the ritual, the next step is to create a salt circle where you are going to be seated. As well as a secondary salt circle surrounding the candle and mirror. These salt circles are an extra step of protection between yourself and the spiritual realm.

The next step is to darken the room, as dark as possible, pitch black is best. From there, place the candle in front of the mirror and ignite it, then begin the process of staring into the mirror. Watch as the candle shifts shadows around and brings new shapes to the surface.

After about 10-30 minutes your body will begin to go into a trance state of mind, from there you can call upon the name of one of your ancestors to help guide you. It may not be immediate as scrying takes years to master but after a few tries you should begin to see their faces and hear their voice.

Scrying sessions can be anywhere from a few minutes, to several hours or even days from some accounts. Don't be frustrated if nothing happens your first time. And most importantly, always remember to thank the spirits for their time and energy, and always remember to say goodbye when you blow out the candle.

After each use feel free to cleanse the mirror with sacred water and store the mirror in a sacred space.

Post Script

Scrying isn't for everyone and that's okay. It takes patience and an open mind, but if you decide to give it a try it can do wonders for your spiritual practice.I hope I was able to teach you something new, Until next time my Friends :)

Thank you for sitting down and having Tea with me on the Other side of the Great Divide

☕ Like My Blog? Then consider buying me a Ko-Fi ☕

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matan4il · 4 months

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Daily update post:

Yesterday, there was an independent terrorist attack carried out, where the terrorist stabbed two people. The terrorist was a 23 year old Israeli Arab from East Jerusalem. He was neutralized. His victims are a young man and woman, 20 and 25 years old. Today, there was another independent terrorist attack, this time the terrorist ran over with his vehicle no less than 4 people, and one of them, a 25 years old man, is in a condition defined as "between moderate to serious." All four of the wounded are in their 20's. The attacker was neutralized. He was 16 years old, from Hebron.

It is now confirmed that in addition to Hamas and the PIJ (Palestinian Islamic Jihad), another Palestinian terrorist organization that participated in the Oct 7 massacre was the DFLP (the Democratic Front for the Liberation of Palestine, another Palestinian terrorist organization). The terrorist attack for which they're most known in Israel is the 1974 invasion of an Israeli school, holding a group of 100 school girls and their teachers hostage, and then massacring them as Israeli soldiers broke into the school, trying to save the hostages. This terror attack happened before I was born, but I think like many other Israelis, this image of it is forever etched into my brain, Israeli soldiers carrying away bleeding, but saved students:

Along with the drone attack on Israel's north yesterday, there were also rockets that hit Kiryat Shmona, which is in the same area.

In Turkey, 32 ISIS terrorists were arrested for planning to attack local synagogues and churches.

There's been a lot of speculation regarding who knew about the planned Oct 7 invasion and massacre, since clearly a lot of the funding, training and planning was done by Iran. Yesterday, a Hamas senior in Lebanon said that Hezbollah, another Iranian proxy) was only alerted to the plan about to be implemented half an hour before it started. Currently, according to Israel's Minister of Defence, Israel is being attacked on 7 physical fronts (Gaza, Lebanon, Syria, Iraq, Iran, Yemen and independent terrorist attacks) and one front online (cyber attacks), BUT it's only fighting a full fledged war with Hamas in Gaza. Had Hezbollah been alerted earlier, would it have joined Gaza's terrorists? Would Israel currently been in a full out war on two fronts? Due to not knowing enough time in advance, Hezbollah lost the element of surprise, and ended up joining in attacks that are far from a full scale war.

I was made aware that antisemites are posting about the existence of Israeli military censorship as some sort of "proof" that Israel is not a free, democratic society (as if other democracies don't apply similar censorship to intelligence and operational details, when they believe publishing the info might endanger lives). So I just wanna point out that there is a LOT of info that isn't being censored, stuff that isn't comfortable for Israel to be published (like the story of the hostages being accidentally shot by IDF soldiers. No one else was there, it could have been so easy to bury that story, but Israel published it. Not any external journalistic source. That's who we are, as a society), and explain how some of the info that IS censored is specifically what can be demonstrated to endanger people's lives. For example, journalists can write about the hostages, but not about certain details regarding their professions or military service, present or past. We KNOW Palestinian terrorists follow the news, and if they find out they hold someone they can try and extract info from, they WILL torture that person. If journalists discuss everyone BUT a specific hostage in terms of this aspect, that's also telling the terrorists who to look at. So that's why they're just censoring all of it in regards to this specific aspect. Or another example, when it comes to rocket attacks, some of the details will be censored, because past experience has shown that the terrorists listen to reports on where their rockets hit, and they use that intel to finetune their aiming at Israeli targets.

Here is a NYT piece on the sexual violence of Hamas during the massacre, and in case this is behind a paywall, here is a report on that piece, which details some of what was published. At what point will the people who screamed for evidence of rape, actually come forward and apologized for the way they victimized those sexually brutalized by Hamas, a second time?

This is a CNN host choking up as he reads the letter of Liora Argamani, as she writes to the US president, begging to see and hug her daughter one last time, before she died of brain cancer:

youtube

These are Liora Argamani, and her daughter, Noa:

And these are Gadi Chagai and his wife, Judy weinstein:

I've shared their picture once before, when it was discovered that Gadi was actually murdered on Oct 7, and his body was kidnapped to Gaza. At that point, his wife 70 years old Judy was known to have been wounded on that day, but she was still believed to be alive, and the oldest woman in captivity in Gaza (the oldest man is 86 years old Shlomo Mansour). Yesterday, we got confirmation that Judy wasn't just wounded, she was killed on Oct 7, and her body was also taken hostage. May their memories be a blessing.

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

#israel #antisemitism #israeli #israel news #israel under attack #israel under fire #israelunderattack #terrorism #anti terrorism #hamas #antisemitic #antisemites #jews #jew #judaism #jumblr #frumblr #jewish

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witchofhimring · 7 months

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Loyalty (chapter 7 part 1)

Pairings: Aemond Targaryen x Tyrell Reader

Aemond Targaryen x Ellyn Baratheon

(more to come!)

Y/n Tyrells Profiles

Warnings: Angst, heartbreak, childbirth, emotional turmoil, death, unrequited love?, humiliation by Ellyn Baratheon, marital abuse, marital consummation, misogamy (internalized as well as external), brief depictions of smut, Plot twist at the end!

Synopsis: You go head to head with your husbands mistress.

"You know in Dorne butterflies symbolize rebirth?" Lady Alana and yourself were sitting in the small garden. One downside of Casterly Rock was the lack of gardens. One might say the forest made up for it, but no one dared venture there unless in a party of over fifty. There were Torch lilies, wild geraniums and sea thrifts. Despite the names being rather drab compared to others they were quite beautiful. Lady Alana had taken some of the wild geraniums and made a circlet of purple. Although she wore red most often purple was her favourite colour. It was solely the two of you. Ever since the execution your ladies had started to avoid you. You were caught between anger and guilt. Which one of these self-righteous ladies had spoken a word? They kept silent then so what made them think they had to right to speak on this matter?

But a small part of you felt this was not unwarranted. After all you were guilty. And every time you closed your eyes you saw a distant memory of Rhaenyra hugging her son. If there was such a thing as revenge would you lose your child? They did the same with Helaena, and she was innocent. In the dark you saw men with daggers. Images of a knife plunging into your chest. The worst part was that just maybe you deserved it. Every morning there was a howling wind which drowned out any other noise from outside. A wind had picked up and seawater crashed against the rocks in a fury. You spent most days in your room, consumed by thoughts and waiting to see if you would quicken. Part of you worried this was simply your own imagination. Was your belly truly expanding or was this just hopeful thinking? Once word got around that you were truly pregnant some of the ladies did come to see you. Now that you carried, or rather perhaps, the heir to Casterly Rock people were more courteous and measured in their approaches. Even Tyshara now said nothing against you. Although that probably had more to do with her father than any new caring.

Despite the death of Vaeron war still raged. After the loss of her first and third sons Rhaenyra was said to be inconsolable. When they told you this the response was "I do not wish to hear of it". Victory, you prayed, must come quick. For if Rhaenyra won you would be shown no mercy. Vengeance might even fall upon your child. Even if Rhaenyra did not order it then Daemon most certainly would. When Vaemond Velaryon had spoken that day Daemon had sent the top half of his head onto the ground. Maybe what was what they intended for you. Or fed to Syrax.

Speaking of the blacks, now that Vaeron's army had been defeated Jason Lannister's attentions fell on the Riverlands. Many of who turned out for Rhaenyra. Vaeron had been Rhaenyra's man there, though even with him gone the Riverlords still held firm. Although tension was not what it was when the Ironborn looked ready to take the coast there was still anxiety putrefying the air. Half a year of war and already everyone was sick of it. Sometimes you thought that it might not be so bad to just fall asleep and never wake it. Memories of a happier time came to you in your sleep. Waking up early to sneak down to the alcove with Aemond, looking at Helaena's bug collection, spending long hours in the library as a golden sun bathed your body. In those happy days you had twirled in a throng of silks and laughed with the Queen's ladies. You had been, and would have been content to remain, just a lady in waiting. Your memories went even further back into memories shut away. Your room back at Highgarden had green walls with tapestries of gold. A balcony opened out onto the gardens bellow were water ran and flowers gently bent in the wind. You had raced along the halls with childhood companions who's names you had long forgotten. While their names were lost you recalled some features. One had blonde hair that fell to her feet when let lose. Another had brown curls always hidden in a cap. And there was one who wore yellow and black who's features were all bust lost. Except that she liked to laugh. You wondered what the rest of them were doing right now. Elinor was lost to you. You liked to imagine she had found a kind place to stay, but the chances of that were slim. Lady Katrina was unwell as of late, only thirty and three years. Flora you had not heard from in a while. From what you heard her father was to marry her to a lord in the Stormlands. Like you she would be torn from her family. Helaena had completely spiraled into madness and they were considering having Aegon set her aside for Cassandra Baratheon. Aegon had taken to the milk of the poppy and grief. There were stories of how he walked people copulate in front of him as he could no longer. As for Aemond you heard nothing personal. Only that he was laying waste to everything and everyone. Not since the Dornish wars had no much blood been spilt by Vhaegar. He had taken Harrenhal after Daemon Targaryen had abandoned it. From what you heard Ellyn also resided there. Perhaps now she would not find the life of a princess to glamorous. They said Harrenhal was haunted and although you had never seen the place you heard its stories. How the ghosts of Haron the Blacks victims haunted the halls. It was said that ever family that had taken up residence and ruled from the keep met their end. Haron and his line had met their end in a fiery furnace. Alys second wife of Maegor the Cruel gave birth to a stillborn monster and the Harroway line was put to death. You were not the most suspicious person but you believed that place to be cursed.

"Nnn-!" You woke up terribly sore one morning. You sat upright as your back tried out in protest. Worried, you hitched up your nightgown to see clean white undergarments. There was no pain in your belly but still you woke Katrina. "Katrina, I need you to get a maester." Katrina was gone and nervously you paced. Not too long later a maester entered and asked you questions. Next he asked you to lay down on the bed before touching certain parts of your body. Next he pulled out a familiar looking device and you bolted upright. "No! You will not put that in me!" With an unnaturally high voice you bolted up. "My lady there is no need to worry. As you are not a virgin this will not hurt so much." But memories of the last time overruled and you said you would do no such thing. Relenting, the maester put his things back. "Although I have not looked I can say with decent confidence that you are indeed with child." Your laugh was a mixture of disbelief and joy. Hands went to your belly as for the first time you knew something was growing inside of you. Soon enough this little thing would come into the world. Your child. Your legacy. Katrina jumped to beside you and pulled you into an embrace. "Oh I am so happy for you!" The maester smiled and made ready to leave. "I wish to tell my husband myself." You said. "Of course, it is your good fortune after all." You hurriedly changed and ordered Katrina to stay. This was something you wanted to do on your own. Down the hall you went, until you ran into Tyshara. She leveled a haughty look your way. "Pray tell, why are you visiting my husband?" "I am his wife. It is my right." Tyshara smirked. "Do not speak to me of rights when you have yet to be pregnant. My father believes you might be. But until a more reliable informer tells me I am afraid your right counts for very little." Glee spread across your face. You relished that this time you had the upper hand. "Well it just so happens that a maester has just confirmed I am with child." Tyshara's face fell and the beautiful pink hue that adorned her cheeks faded. "And perhaps it will be a boy." You glided right past her.

Jason Lannister sat at his desk pouring over maps. One hand was in his hair, tugging at the blond strands. "What is it?" His tone told you your presence was far from welcome at the moment. You considered turning back, but Tyshara's smirking face came to mind and your resolve hardened. "A maester came to visit." He said "hmm" but nothing else. Annoyed by his lack of concern you sighed. "My lord I am with child." At first he did not react. But as the news slowly sunk in Jason Lannister set the quill down and looked up at you. In a heartbeat he was up and suddenly you were gathered you in his arms. He let out a deep sigh and a low laugh escaped him. "Thank the Gods." He held you there and all you heard was deep breathing. When Jason Lannister let go, but his hands remain on your arms. "Y/n, this is the best news you could ever give me." He was smiling at you in a way he never had before. Feeling very hot you looked to the ground. Jason Lannister's hands lifted your chin and his lips touched yours. First softly, then with more urgency. His hands undid the braid in your hair letting it fall down around you. Next he undid the string at the front and your gown was pulled off your shoulders before you were bare before him. You squeezed your legs as something stirred within you. Before the fireplace he took you. Your nails ran down his back as for the first time a heightening of ecstasy shuddered through your body. A cry broke free as it overcame you. Laying down on the carpet you struggled to find breath, trying to process what had just happened. It felt like your heart was beating between your legs. Every breath had to be a conscious effort. You could hear Jason Lannister breathing heavily next to you. He rolled over and carded his fingers through your hair. "Good girl." He sighed.

Normally word would get getting round of how you were with child. But Jason Lannister was quick to hush it all up. He worried that Rhaenyra would take vengeance for her son. And so instead of rejoicing at your new condition you were wracked with fear. What if she found out anyway? You remembered that now she had lost three children. There had been that little stillborn girl. Never before that you though of it very much. How her baby had slipped out of her in great pain, born but not alive. Would that be your babies fate? You had never witnessed a stillbirth or miscarriage, having been an unmarried woman. But you heard the stories and the worn out bodies of the women forced to endure such a trial. Every morning you would wake and check the sheets. And when there was no blood you felt a sigh of relief. Every move was careful. You watched what you ate, where you walked, and made sure never to be alone. Dresses where altered to draw attention away from the belly. Of your ladies, only Lady Alana, Katrina and Lady Mari knew the truth.

"Who are you writing to?" Lady Alana had been by the window for the better part of an hour writing with the upmost seriousness. When you asked she flushed and drew the parchment closer to her chest. Several of the other ladies sewing by your side looked up. "A love letter?" Questioned one slightly leaning forward. Seeing the tips of her ears go red you forestalled their curiosity by drawing attention to a conversation that your stepdaughter Lady Cerelle was having. You found this stepdaughter more pleasing than her elder sister. She was blonde with striking green eyes, but had a softer look to her face. You had only spoken to her a few times but she seemed sweet enough. Tyshara had been avoiding you since the maester had confirmed your pregnancy. You reckoned she would grow to regret her actions. No longer were you the lords new bride. You were the recognized lady of Casterly Rock, mother to his heir. And if you so wished it, her future would be in your hands.

"Oh! That is beautiful!" One of your ladies had observed the purple butterflies delicately woven into the cloth. A gold thread was used to extenuate the details in the wings. Last night you had dreamed of a cocoon wrapped around a butterflies body, encasing it within its grasp. Its green colour obscured the struggling butterfly inside. Then everything was washed away with a great gust of seawater and a butterfly burst from its depths, blue wings beating. It was a pity there were no butterflies near Casterly Rock. "You like it? I plan to use it as a handkerchief. Perhaps lions will be my next designs." "You know I can just never get lions right when it comes to stitching." Sighed Katrina forlornly. Lady Cerelle took a look at her stitching with keen eyes. "I don't know, they do look like cats." Katrina took it back. "Yes, like the fat kitchen cats. Not lions!" A few ladies laughed and then fell into a lull.

All the ladies looked up as the door opened and Lady Redwyne made her entrance. Some of the ladies dared to stare as she curtsied to you and took her place. Lady Redwyne rarely mingled within the same circles as you. A few did welcome her two being your own ladies. It occurred to you that she must have friends attending to you. Did they talk about you behind your back? You know as a lady you should not care what a mistress thinks. But there was a tightness in your chest just having to watch her. A braver but more foolish woman would have sent her away. Such a scene was not permitted no matter her rank. If you did rage they would blame you and not the husband. They would say you were a bad wife with no thoughts to how Jason Lannister had shamed you. "That is a lovely dress for the baby. How is she?" Lady Rain laid a hand on Lady Redwyne's arm. She smiled a lovely smile that for a moment made you forget who she was. "She is very well and growing stronger every day." Lady Redwyne had borne your husband two children, Greta who served Lady Margaret, wife to one of Jason Lannister's uncles and Sophia, two years of age. The other two bastards were Narissa, borne to some kitchen maid. She served in the kitchens and then there was Ann, five years of age born to the daughter of a knight. Of all the children she was the only one not to reside at Casterly Rock.

You wondered what it was like for your predecessor. They said the late Lady Johanna loved her lord dearly. You could only imagine that she was in a much worse state than yourself. At least the Gods had been kind enough not to grant any of his mistresses a son by him. Deep down you prayed for a son. "No mere mistress will bare a son before I." You swore to yourself. "You must be so busy making clothes for your daughter." Lady Rain said to Lady Redwyne. "Yes. Well you know at her age how it is." "If only we were all as lucky as you. Did you not fall pregnant quickly? I pity women who have to wait, or never fall pregnant at all." Her eyes suddenly darted towards yours. It was only for a moment, but you noticed, as did a few others. Lady Redwyne looked mortified and mumbled something you could not quite make out. Your eyes fixed on the woman who had been so bold. She was one of your ladies, although you did not know her well. She was a little older than yourself with heaps of black hair that fell to her knees and piecing grey eyes. You were torn between anger and glee since you knew something she did not. "They say that you need love to be with child. Or at least pleasure. I pity women who receive neither." That was it. You were sick and tired of disrespect in your own home and certainly not by the mistress or her friend.

And they all went pale with what you said next.

Notes: Okay some for some reason tumblr would not let me go over a certain word limit. Alys was supposed to be in this chapter as were Ellyn and Aemond. So consider this part one of chapter 7. I'm really annoyed by this because I like my chapters to be around seven thousand words long but I guess we will have to make due for now.

I have decided that this series is going to have three parts to it. Part one is Loyalty, part two will be called Disloyalty and part three is yet to be decided. Also butterflies being used as a symbol of rebirth in Dorne is something I made up for the sake of this story.

Also I realized I gave the same name to two different characters, Katrina and Lady Catrina (whoops!).

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soppybitorag · 7 months

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The Captain as Man, Mirror, and Medals.....

a 🚨Red Lever🚨 meta on The Captain appearing in a mirror (and a cracked one at that) in the opening credits of Ghosts and what that could mean in the context of s5e5 and beyond :-D

What do mirrors symbolise?

Briefly, they outer vs. inner perception; who we are vs. what we let people see/want people to perceive us as. Mirrors Cannot Lie, and thusly expose our reality. Reflections are often said to be a persons True Soul, an idea across many early civilisations. It wasn't reflected light rays hitting your eyeballs, it was you seeing your Soul.

But also, we are 'mirroring' people when we copy them, appearing unoriginal and inauthentic.

Captain as Portrait and Mirror -

Now, ghosts can't see their reflections or be captured on camera/film. We don't see Captain looking *into* the mirror, just what is shown to us: the outer self/controlled perception. Also, the way he is framed makes it look like a portrait, something signifying power, virtue, and importance.

What we *see* is a middle-aged man of supposed stature, with a collection of earned medals (reflected, they'd be the right way round, which they aren't irl).

A soldier.

A Truth, as Mirrors Can't Lie.

Portraits can be twisted, however, such as The Picture of Dorian Gray. In it, Dorian's portrait grows more grotesque because of his sins and vices, whilst retaining his external beauty over many, many years.

Captain, likewise, is forever going to look the age he died, much like how Dorian is forever the age of when he got the portrait made. (Not saying they're similar in personality or really any deeper than that, just thought it note worthy.)

It'd be remiss to forget that in the opening creds, Robin is next to the mirror, flickering a lamp.

He is litterally shedding light on the mirror, implying a deeper meaning/more to be understood about what's there. There's also the fact that the mirror is cracked (cracked? definitely distorted).

Cracked Mirror Symbolism -

Cracked Mirrors can be seen as a form of deception: if distorted they can warp the image presented (even when we expect the truth from them), making things appear closer than they actually are (a common occurance in fairytales, for example), or taller/bigger/wider/fractured.

Some people believe broken mirrors weaken the spirit of a departed person. Oscar Wilde famously used this belief to mark a characters' death in, you guessed it, Dorian Gray.

It's worth noting that Dorian Gray is also the story that led to Wilde's imprisonment for homosexuality.

Cracked Mirrors are notably bad luck in many cultures, too. Romans believed that Gods observed them through mirrors, so breaking them was severing that connection, thusly having the Gods curse you with bad luck.

Ultimately, cracked mirrors present a fractured sense of self, where the inner and the outer are at odds with one another, or there is discontent in one or the other. Perhaps both.

What does this mean for Captain?

Well, we *see* a man of stature/inportance with war medals. Virtuous.

In actuality, the medals were always forever out of his grasp (making things look closer than they are) as he never left Britain, as much as he maybe would have liked to. He stole the medals to deceive the Veterans by façading (being inauthentic/copying/mirroring) as one of them, but bad luck had him put them on clearly wrong to all but him. If he had a mirror, he could've fixed it.

He was most likely one of the lowest ranking people in that room, in a house he once had control over, but no longer did.

Those actions directly led to his death, where he forever is entrapped with and condemned to wear unearned medals.

Of course, he most likely wanted to be perceived as integral/noble by people, but he just wasn't. He thinks himself a coward, wearing a mask, and forever will be. It's no wonder that in his purgatory/button house afterlife, he elects to seek control over how people see him. He's just The Captain.

some extra things I wanna throw in here

Captain died looking into Havers' eyes. He could probably see his own reflection at his end. But at least it was in the eyes of someone who truly knew him and loved him. For him. Told him as much. Because Mirrors Can't Lie.

Also, one way to rid yourself of the bad luck caused by breaking a mirror is, apparently, touching a tombstone with one of the shards and burying it deep down innthe ground where spirits can't find it, at nighttime.

So here are some completely random images.

#captain #bbc ghosts #red lever #ben willbond #the captain #bbc ghosts the captain #bbc ghosts havers #caphavers #capvers #bbc ghosts s5 #bbc ghosts series 5 #bbc ghosts spoilers #bbc ghosts s5 spoilers #bbc ghosts meta #bbc ghosts analysis

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