theriu
Harasser of Mythical Creatures
Welcome to The Random Inanity Universe! I am a 10+year tumblrite and 34-year-old Christian lady known online as River, and TheRIU is my home base for premium memes, wholesome content, and anything else hilarious, fascinating, or thought-provoking that suits my fancy. Expect a wide variety of fandom and original nonsense. (NOTE: This blog is strictly Safe For Work. If you see a reblog containing swears or explicit references I may have missed, please let me know!)
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so this happened to me today
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Tree roots following the pattern of concrete footpaths
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Follow me for more ❤️
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How To Bargain With Rumplestilts
Rumplestilt: I will help you out of your predicament, but for a price: your firstborn child!
Me: Right, so you’ll help me in exchange for your firstborn child. Deal!
Rumplestilt: (accepts handshake, cackling) The bargain is set! There’s no backing out n . . . hngh! Wait, what’s . . . happening . . .?
(Rumplestilt falls to the floor, twitching and glowing. Glow fades to reveal a small bundle next to him)
Me and Rumplestilt: . . . . . .
(Bundle starts crying)
Me: Dude . . . did you just have a baby?
Rumplestilt: No, that can’t be . . . my kind can’t have kids! Why do you think we bargain for children?!
Me: Well, we did agree you would help me in exchange for YOUR firstborn child . . . I think we may have found a loophole?
Rumplestilt: (awed) Did you know this would happen?!
Me: Honestly I was just trying to be clever, this is way better than anything I expected.
Rumplestilt: (teary-eyed) I’m a dad!
Me: Congratulations!!!
Me: Oh shoot, but don’t forget about the bargain! The kid might disappear or something!
Rumplestilt: (clutches bundle) Oh my word, right!!!
———
(A/N: It’s been a while since I messed with magical bargain tropes. XD Fun Fact: I learned while fiddling with this idea that a “rumplestilt” is, in fact, a name for a type of goblin! Which is great because I try to keep my guides species-focused and I did goblins in my very first one!)
For more assorted nonsense, visit my How To Guides for Mythical Creatures Masterlist!
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This also tells me that an AMAZING nimber of dogs in New York are REALLY well-trained if they put up with that! 😂
(via meanboysclub)
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Sometimes the humility you need is not a kind of smallness of spirit or sense of your own weakness but the faith to act as if your life is a blessing—because it is.
Alan Noble, On Getting Out Of Bed
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✨ Happy birthday David John Tennant (18th April 1971) 💫
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i want to be whimsical and ominous at the same time. i can multitask.
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#lord of the rings#lotr#river polls#the silliness continues#middle-earth is apparantly the correct spelling#feels weird but Im going by the book here#lol by the book#puns
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Even spanking can be done ethically. If we did something bad enough, Mom WOULD spank us. But she would tell us that our spanking was coming and that we weren’t leaving until it happened, and you had time to brace yourself and come over. The spanking was a form of punishment, which is something you don’t generally get a choice of consent over. But I think it was easier to take when I had the choice of when I would get it over with and could brace myself. And afterward, we sat together while I cried and we talked about why the punishment happened (because bad actions can have painful consequences) and that she loved me. That has always stuck in my mind as the right way to do it, and I respect her for it to this day.
I see a lot of posts saying "teach boys about consent".
While that is true, a lot of parents will do that and fail to see how their own actions are the problem.
If you've spanked him, he's less likely to understand consent.
If you've forced him to sit on Santa's lap, he's less likely to understand consent.
If you've forced him to give hugs and kisses to family members, he's less likely to understand consent.
If you've grabbed him in order to force him to sit still, he's less likely to understand consent.
If you've labeled him as "too sensitive" for not wanting to be touched, he's less likely to understand consent.
If you've assumed he's okay with something because he technically allowed it even though he felt pressured, he's less likely to understand consent.
If you're only going to criticize his actions but not your own, it won't work.
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Me, calling in to my shift supervisor: Gooooooood morning! Are we ready for another super splendiferous day with the public?! 😀
Her: That is too much energy
Me: It iiiiiis fake!! 😀
Her: Still too much energy
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