#mentally ill gay person here
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happy 1 year of saphira brainrot. my god
closeups <3
#jesus chrrist its been a year already#it hasnt stopped! um!#mentally ill gay person here#i love her to death tho <33#shes so important to me#i relate to some aspects of her and shes such a huge comfort for me#ik shes not everyone's fav girl but shes mine <3#also it is the 13th for me here. it just passed 12 am SO YIPPEE#pokemon reborn#saphira belrose#dragonite#gon draws#my art
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like minds shitpost (1/24)
#HERE YA GO!#i know y’all are starved of fan content#dead poets for mentally ill gays#like minds#watched this movie in august and only now have i decided to make this film my entire personality#murderous intent#nigel colbie#alex forbes#tom sturridge#eddie redmayne#i apologize of any of these have been made before
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Hopefully in 2024 I'll find my damn mind omfg
#depressing shit#vent#vent post#tw depressing thoughts#tw depressing stuff#su1c1dal#psychosis#actually mentally ill#$elf h4rm#paranoia#paranoid personality disorder#gay#send help#i hate it here#new years resolution
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.
#i was so happy today...#i got up so excited because it's sherlock & co day#because i get to listen to it while i work#when i finishe actual work i get to draw some cool fanart i'm planning#it was all so fucking great#and not even 3 hours later i'm sitting here with tears in my eyes and pain in my chest...#remind me to never discuss my mental health with my mother never fucking again#i forgot about her WONDERFUL take of ''everyone is a little bit autistic''#and her AMAZING ''people shouldn't give name to the way people is'' (aka sexuality and how the brain works (aka being gay or being autistic#it's insane to think i come from this woman#now her FANTASTIC take that autism and adhd are diseases or illnesses#i just want to die#how the fuck could i ever possibly talk to this woman about my feelings or thoughts when this is what i'm up against#and yeah sure you could say ''educate her'' i can't! Everything i say#based on fact or sience or research or anything gets met with ''well that's your opinion. my opinion is the opposite''#and i never get to drill it into her brain that her OPINION doesn't fucking matter when there are FACTS!#she's the embodiment of the ''that's my oPiNiOn'' vine#and i fucking hate it here!!!#and maybe its true that people who say ''we're all a little bit autistic'' is because they actually ARE autistic. maybe that's true#but i fear she'll never believe it the same way she doesn't fucking believe ME#i hate this#i want to fucking die and never have to speak to another human ever again#fuck working happily while listening to sherlock & co am i right?#angel talks#personal
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The Question #6 (1987)
#book club#the question#vic sage#dc comics#comics#i feel bad that i dont remember this character's name. mr 'luckier than vic sage'#anyway. folds my hands on my desk and pushes up my glasses.#☝️🤓 most characters that are directly compared to vic like this are queer. this guy is gay. later there is-#-a hairstylist that quotes the butterfly story that Vic learned from Richard. and lets not even get into the symbolism with the butterfly...#(ALSO renee! i might be focusing on this specific run but we can't forget about renee. her sexuality is important to her story.)#the question is a queer allegory...#could be... could be.....#i think the beauty of him is that you can read into his struggle with identity in so many ways.#it's about faith it's about gender it's about sexuality it's about mental illness it's about so many things.#i think drawing parallels between him and queer characters is not a mistake & has plenty of merit and evidence to it#i will always be a genderqueer Q truther but i dont want to reduce his identity thing to just that. because there is so much that can be-#-extracted from the narrative here. and oftentimes the instinct in stories about queerness is to focus on just that.#which i think does no one a favor personally so i want to point it out. this is a multi-tiered discussion.
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looking at pics of myself from a year ago makes me so sad lol
#🗞️#the cissona was real .......#but like. you can be trapped in a cissona but you can make the cissona gay. somehow ive straightened myself out to a point of where+#my new friends seeing those pictures of me r like thats not u that person is literally straighter than me (i dont have many queer friends-_#& im like. 😬😬hahaaa.......#i wanted to say idk why i even trapped myself like that but i was literally helplessly in love with a straight dude#to whom i was just the other woman#& i wanted him to just bear my existence bc we didnt click at all. so i wanted to be as attractive as possible to him.#STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and also my inner monologue looked like. i know i could be happier but id rather be a fraud and attractive than true to myself & ugly. girl#me 2021-2022 get help......... what even is that mentality.............#anyway now im better i think. its a recent development i literally stopped going after straight guys at the end of may. so.#then i read stone butch blues and now here we are. very confused but at the end of the day. the cissona is gone#if im being honest im scared ill bump into that guy bc of whom i developed this severe of a cissona bc although its been a year since#we havent seen each other. im still so down bad. we havent talked in a year and a half💀#and ill put on the cissona again#ahnywayz hope you all are having a good night
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deadpool propaganda masterpost! i’ll update after each round
reblogs: 1x.
[ID: dark gray slide with a picture of deadpool on the middle-right. on the top left corner, there’s a google search screenshot asking the question, “is deadpool insane?” the first answer reads, “Created by Fabien Nicieza and artist Rob Liefeld, Wade Wilson is a career mercenary who diagnosed with a terminal form of cancer which constantly being countered by an advanced healing factor technically makes the character partially insane.” /End ID.]
#propaganda masterpost#propaganda#deadpool#wade wilson#marvel#marvel comics#insane character poll#his submission mentions that he's schizophrenic and while thats 100% correct#should i add it? i dont want it to seem like he's here bc of that#it says and i quote#he's canonically schizophrenic and while his issues are usually dealt with as comedic he's also#a genuinely traumatized and mentally ill person who has some serious comic issues. he's a gay icon and a semi-good dad <3#end quote. like the dude makes plans that involve him being torn limb from limb and can see and interact with the fourth wall and#does so in very wild ways
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love gay ppl but oh my god sometimes they are SO annoying ( -a gay person)
#this is a vague about an irl of mine NOT ANYONE HERE. IF U SEE THIS ITS NOT WRITTEN BOUT U#it’s just like Oh my god. just because society isn’t catered to you and you Just Found Out doesn’t mean that you are better than everyone#just bc you’re like. gay. doesn’t mean every opinion u have ever is correct?#it doesn’t mean all your politics are always right?#it doesn’t mean your relationship is automatically Healthy & Going To Last Forever?#just bc you are in a gay relationship doesn’t mean it should be the only thing u care about? other ppl and things exist?#we were talking abt how high school relationships aren’t that consequential bc yk.#the odds r kinda stacked against you and ur a teenager.#the context was us talking about someone else liking someone & we were like but it’s not that big a deal#bc not only is it not rlly our business but also!!! high school relationships usually don’t work out!!!#and this person goes. SO distraught. ‘but not MINE :( WHAT ABOUT MINE GUYS :(‘#w. we weren’t . talking ? about yours ?#but yours is probably codependent anyways & i keep seeing ur bf getting lowkey upset w some of the things u say so.#or like. stop forcing stereotypes on ppl? like u KNOW i don’t like them & yet. & YET.#stop trying to put me into boxes. just bc im queer doesn’t mean i can’t like sports or math. shut UP#(someone mentions basketball) him: imagine watching basketball ✨#THATS LITERALLY SO MEAN JESUS CHRIST? WHY WOULD U SAY THAT. it was small talk dude.. our team just made the finals…#but of course he had to fit this STEREOTYPE of being gay… bc gay ppl HAVE to hate sports & be mentally ill & etc#and his politics are so performative and it’s like. wow you really just Don’t have a grasp on our world do you#stop saying humanity sucks too STOP IT YOURE NOT 14 ANYMORE. 14 YEAR OLDS GET A PASS BUT UR NOT FUCKING 14.#you are so negative & the only times you seem to laugh is when it’s a joke about your trauma or mental illness.#which is fine!! ppl cope with humor no shade!! but when your ONLY material is ‘haha i hate myself’ dude…#i tried soooo hard to befriend this guy. i really did. & i know a lot of it is just bc he’s immature#but like i tried to help u grow up. all year ive been trying. and i think im done now#SORRY FOR ALL THAT THAT GOT UM. LONG. i just habe that pent up inside me rn#that’s not even all of it god. when i write it all out he looks like a dick but in general they’re friendly#so it’s just. weird. but that’s depressed teenagers for you. with the added benefit of oh… im a white gay… im so oppressed…#TBF HES TRANS TOO. BUT WE LIVE SOMEWHERE WHERE BEING TRANS IS VERY NORMALIZED. SO LIKE?#like i was talking abt how i was mad abt gun laws not being passed & roe v wade & GENERAL CORRUPTION W/N OUR GOVENRMENT#and he goes. ‘yeah but have u heard about the dont say gay bill in florida?’
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// vent post
its really frustrating to me that people dont understand the attachment i still have to him. Yeah so what if its been almost two years since ive talked to him. Idc, i still have the worst connection to him and i would still drop everything and everyone for him if he asked. And its frustrating that people dont understand why i would do that.
Like theres only one other person that i would do that for.
Idk its just UHGHGKJHG its so frustrating that i cant talk about this to people, and its so frustrating to me that i cant talk to him. its frustrating to me that he makes me uncomfortable and that im scared of him but i still want him here
Idk man i just miss him. and i know i'll get yelled at for saying that but omg i miss him so much man
#just my silly gay thoughts#these are my mentally ill thoughts#i think this is the reason i've felt so horrible and lonely for the last two years#cause he's not here#ITS FRUSTRATING AND SO ANGERING THAT I CANT BE WITH HIM#cause i see him and every time i do i have to stop myself from going up to him and talking to him#and i can see him looking at me and i KNOW he wants to talk to me#and it hurts so bad. it hurts so bad i want to cry just thinking about it#im deranged#i am feral#i just....i want to talk about how good he was without judgement#cause i know he was a bad person. my friends know it too but they never let me talk about the good#cause there were moments where he was good to me and when we were okay but they dont let me talk about it cause it was manipulation#or whatever. which yeah so what. let me live my lie alright?#let me believe there were moments when he wasnt fake#i miss him a lot
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god i love mentally ill gay people
#yo it's d :)#💙♾️#(he’s not the mentally ill gay people. i’m referring to a video about him.)#all the comments on this video (that i chose to watch) are like ‘wow his voice is so elegant and majestic’ what does that mean.#one person was loke ‘omg i didn’t know he could speak’ we. i. 💀#anyway like i said i love the mentally unwell people here in this community
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tumblr is a beautiful ecosystem bc here you can see that transgender disabled mentally ill gay minorities can be just as annoying, obnoxious and reactionary as any cishet abled white person. THATS equality.
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Sorry if this is weird but I wanted to say it's so comforting to know that there are other lesbians in their mid-to-late 20s who haven't had their first kiss or anything. I know gay people in general tend to reach those milestones later than cishet people but I've always felt like I was way behind even my gay peers, and it has really put a dent in my sense of self-worth. So, you mentioning that you've never kissed anyone made me feel a little less alone. :) Love your art and hope you are doing well.
You should look at the concept of "your first kiss" less as a milestone you have to achieve at a certain age and more of an intimate thing that happens when YOU want to do it, if you even want to do it at all.
I have no idea what your situation is like, but personally I literally just haven't felt a super strong urge to kiss anyone near me here in this very South Texan city. People aren’t really “visibly” queer here with pride flags and stuff, including me. We’ve only had 2 small Pride parades before and that’s it. I'm sure this would eventually change if I lived somewhere more queer-friendly with more sapphics who were my specific type (butch and nonbinary lesbians are pretty much nonexistent here. I once got embarrassingly excited when I saw one(1) online who lived here. It’s like all the real attraction I’ve been deprived of all my life hit me like a truck. No, I’ve never talked to them lol)
......but I'm not saying the girls here aren't ever cute or anything. They’re beautiful actually. Mostly bisexual latinas. I've definitely had some gay moments here and there. It just wasn't enough to spiral into more than light flirting and a cheek kiss, I guess. There’s also the severity of insecurity and mental illness that makes one a homebody, but I don’t want to get into that right now.
So while I want it, I love the idea of it, I'm not really that ashamed about being inexperienced this late in life. Seems more common than people are willing to admit tbh. ANYWAY, I rambled too much. My point is you shouldn't tie this to your self-worth and don't let anyone, even other queer people, make you feel bad about it
#asks#and sorry I replied to this so late. was trying to find words to say….#and I’m glad you like my art and I could help you feel less alone
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Hello. I'm here to remind y'all that aro-ace rights are still a problem. Bigger than you think.
Let's say someone's gay and they come out. What do they hear?
You're just confused/it's a phase/you just want attention/it's a sin
Now, what's the difference with aspec people? We are told all of that AND that it's a mental illness. And I'm beeing serious!
Everyone knows about the existence of gay people and homophobes just see it as sinful/bad/unnatural, but for aspec? It's treated like some emotional problems, you are told you are some sort of heartless asocial person who cannot understand basic emotion! And some therapists WILL treat it like a mental illness
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AITA for not helping my family pay for hospital bills?
🎷🔥 so i can find it later
This is going to need a lot of context right off the bat. I (20'sM) am a gay man that comes from an extremely conservative family. My sister (20'sF) is also a lesbian and recently got married and adopted a child. I'm very proud of her, but that's not the issue.
My parents seem to have little to no issue with my sister marrying a woman. They do have a very big issue with me liking dudes, however. Like, it was the reason my parents got divorced "big issue." I'm not gonna go into everything, but my sister ended up with my dad and I stayed with my mom for reasons I'd rather not share.
Our last parting was on... less than decent terms. Upon finding out that I was of the homosexual variety, my dad flipped his lid. He called me several slurs and said some other very hurtful things, and even made moves to physically attack me. My mom, also a very homophobic woman, stepped in and thankfully talked him down. Then divorce, etc etc.
I saved up enough money to move out when I turned 18 and may have done some impulsive things including completely trashing my mom's bathroom, which I know I'm definitely the asshole for, but in my defense my mom kept "forgetting" to pick up my prescriptions and I was manic (I have bipolar). But, again, I know I'm the AH for that.
I now live with my two best friends R (20sNB) and P (20sM) in a house we all pay for. R comes from money so they help out a lot, and I love them both to death. We kind of have a sort of situationship but none of us are poly? Idk it's weird we're just going with it rn.
Anyway, I bring them up bc we all went to my sister's wedding together, and my parents separately chewed me out for bringing them (and for R daring to wear a dress. They're amab for context) and I obviously argued back bc hey they're my best friends and my sister specifically said it was okay for me to bring them (she and R are also friends and they wouldve been invited regardless of me bringing P) and also because R looks very good in a dress and i can handle them shit-talking me but i will not tolerate slander towards R or P.
At the wedding, I went full no contact with them and told them to lose my number. They, ofc, did Not lose my number and I got several calls from extended family saying about what you would expect them to say, so I switched numbers and gave only my sister and her wife my new number.
My sister. I love her to pieces but sometimes she gets on my nerves. She gives my number to my mom to have "just in case," but she reassures me that she won't give it to my dad or any other family. So far, she's made good on that promise, I just have to deal with periodic calls about getting a girlfriend and having kids.
Now, my dad isn't the healthiest guy out there. He has arthritis, osteoporosis, and several other things that i don't really wanna get into. As he's aged he's only gotten worse and there have been several times he's almost died, but recently he's been put on hospice and has an estimated Not Very Long to live.
Here's where I may be the AH. My dad calls me while I'm at a very important, personal event for R (he got my number from my mom) and goes on a long rant on how I'm an unlovable disgrace and how he fed me and clothed me and I could make up for all that by helping him pay off hospital debt. I say no immediately and tell him that he's never been my dad, only my dna donor, and that he's going to be dead anyway and that selling his house could cover all the bills. He calls me many more names and tells me he wishes I was never born (calling my mom some very derogatory names too (she's asian)) and that i should just go ahead and off myself to save the world someone like me. I tell him he should die faster while he's at it because God knows the world already has enough bigots in it and there could never be too many mentally ill queers.
I hung up, but now I'm thinking I went a bit too far. AITA for not helping out with his hospital bills and yelling at him?
What are these acronyms?
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Welcome to the Poly!Plasticsverse!
collab with: @yungpoetfics (my fav bubs in the world)
Regina George
@queenbgina/@callmereginald (she/her)
North Shore's Queen Bee
Soft for her girlfriends
The mom of the group
Basically a sugar mommy for her girls
Lifehack Geek
TikTok hater
Has rational fear of werewolves
Will fight a bitch
Victoria's Secret girly
Female rapper stan (Doja, Cardi, Megan, etc.)
Gryffindor
Lesbian
Gretchen Wieners
@thegretchenw/@greatgretsby (she/her/it (only if ur special))
The second mom of the group
Softest human
Loves playing with her girlfriends hair
#1 Twilight hater
Has a letterboxd account just to leave bad reviews
The level headed one usually, but will snap when she needs
Cuddly as fuck
Loves Fleur du Mal lingerie
Stubborn as Fuck
Wine drinker/expert
Loves vintage music (Elvis, Elton John, etc.)
Hufflepuff
Bisexual
Karen Shetty
@karebearz/@karensheetty (any pronouns)
Ambidextrous™️
Loves Spongebob
Plant Parent
Knows Britney Spears and Lady Gaga choreo
Kpop girly (Blackpink, BTS, etc.)
Lettering expert
Has Funko Pop collection
Squishmallow lover
Ravenclaw
Pansexual
Cady Heron
@cady_heron/@defnotcaddy (she/her)
The third mom of the group
Whispers when angry
Carries bandaids at all times
Always has snacks
Lactose Intolerant (but LOVES cheese)
Cries at Rom-Coms
LOVES hugs
Cannot handle spicy food
Sleeps with a teddy bear
Happy to be here
Friends with everyone's parents
Token vanilla of the group
Has diary (with a heart shaped lock)
Bisexual
Aaron Samuels
@aaronsammy/@atomicaaron (he/him) or (ho/mie)
1/3 of Terror Trio
Y/N's best friend
North Shore's resident Himbo
Will do anything if someone says "I dare you"
Impulsive buyer
Has one brain cell (shares it with Y/N)
Overuses 💪 emoji
Usually confused
1/2 Golden Retriever duo
Can skateboard
Uses Axe body spray
Co-founder of Stuntmares
Dreams of grabbing a teddy in a claw machine (bucket list item)
Ass man
Owns too many grey sweatpants
Kisses his homies (homiesexual)
Has never watched Harry Potter
Watches lifestyle coaches on YT
Can play the ukulele (really badly)
Loves Eminem and Harry Styles (would fuck Harry Styles)
Writes Larry Stylinson fanfics
Kissed Y/N once (regretted immediately)
Bisexual
Damian Hubbard
@hubbarddamian/@damianishubby (he/him/they)
Learned how to sew from Janis
Does drag and has a YT channel (Anita Dick)
Huge Adore Delano stan
Will fight anyone who hurts Janis
Doesn't like Rupaul as a person, but is a religious Drag Race fan
#1 Poly!Plastics fan
Has an 8 step skincare routine
Cameraman for Stuntmares
Earlybird
Lies about having curfew to go to sleep early
Ravenclaw
(Lowkey wishes he was a Slytherin bc it's the "cuntiest house"
Him and Karen watch The Bachelor
Fav movie is Dirty Dancing (did the lift with Janis)
Learned how to twerk from Y/N
Gay
Janis Imi'Ike
@janiisimiike/@imiikenough (she/they)
Secret Barbie girly(live action and animated movies)
Will go straight for Ryan Gosling
Feral chihuahua of the group
Hozier stan
HATES THE KARDASHIANS
Pain in Regina's ass
Anger Issues™️
Secretly loves Olivia Rodrigo
Mentally Ill friend
Emotional Drunk
Karaoke Queen
Tits girly
Leather Jacket lesbian
Getting piercings > therapy
Has a suit collection
Thrifter
Loves her friends
Dog person (secretly)
Quotes niche memes
Kinky af
Middle Child
Lesbian
Y/N Y/L/N (FC: Chrissy Costanza)
@thisbeyn/@reginaslefttit (she/he/they/it)
2/3 Terror Trio
2/2 Golden Retriever duo
Has matching fried egg tattoo with Aaron.
Co-Founder of Stuntmares
"Hi, I'm Y/N and welcome to Stuntmares" *jumps off roof into pool*
Cuts her own hair
Blooper Reel Queen
North Shore's resident stoner
AUDHD (autistic + ADHD)
Playlists range from Beethoven to ashnikko
"IT'S NOT A PHASE. IT'S A LIFESTYLE."
Demisexual
Plays electric guitar
Has slight speech impediment
Gremlin of the group
D&D Dungeon Master
ALWAYS falls asleep during movie night
Power Nap Addict™️
Insomniac
Monster Energy Drink Enthusiast (collects the cans)
Oddly good at Origami
Tweets everything she thinks
Has been banned from Fortnite and Roblox
Married to Gretchen on The Sims (regina and karen were sad)
Anger issues
✨Spicy✨ Latina (do not fuck with her people)
Matching rings with her gfs
Def had one night stand with Cady
Shane Oman
@shaneomann/@omantastic (he/him) or (dumb/hoe)
Loves Old School Rap (Biggie, Tupac, Snoop Dogg, etc.)
Hates Y/N at first but comes to love her like a sister.
Only person who can outsmoke Y/N.
Has a dropped truck with red LED lights under it.
Blasts music walking down the halls.
Always has the zoomies.
Orange cat friend.
Has elevator music playing in his head 24/7.
Challenged Damian to a dance off. (He lost. But he had girls simping over him)
Posts thirst traps on TikTok. (Regina's mom is his #1 follower)
Has a frying pan tattooed to match Aaron and Y/N.
Always on Stuntmares trying to create new world records.
Or eating a bunch of weird combos.
"Oman! Not again!" *proceeds to eat a marshmallow and spam sandwich*
Ralph Lauren man
Whenever the polycule argues, he's a "fuck this shit, I'm out" person.
Professional party crasher
Dine and Dash expert
Has nipple piercings (Aaron and Y/N dared him to get them)
Curses like a fucking sailor (Half of his lines on Stuntmares are just censor beeps)
Talks way too fast.
Knows Italian and Spanish (Him and Y/N talk shit in Spanish)
His ringtone for Aaron and Y/N is the remix of the Windows error sound
Loves t-shirts with offensive prints (Regina tries to make him dress normally)
Has gc with Aaron and Y/N called "Hoemies"
Would fuck Aaron
TICKLISH
Major gossip (Him and Gretchen meet once a week to talk shit)
#regina george x reader#karen shetty x reader#gretchen wieners x reader#aaron samuels#cady heron#janis imi'ike#damian hubbard#poly!plasticsverse
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HELLO MY FELLOW TRAVELERS!
I, like many viewers, have been completely entranced by Hawk and Tim’s love story in Fellow Travelers. As a mature queer person, this show has been very emotional, and I am deeply invested. (I WILL riot if Tim doesn’t get to die in Hawk’s arms, and know that he is, and has always been, loved by Hawk.) But I digress.
Something that I have been fascinated by are the differing opinions that have surfaced about the characters, especially Hawk. I’m not looking for any arguments here, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and this is simply mine. To me, Hawk falls hard and fast for Tim. He breaks all his own rules for Tim - they topple over like a house of cards.
When we are introduced to Hawk, he’s cold and heartless with the men he hooks up with - they are nothing more than a body to fulfil his sexual needs and desires. He doesn’t do repeats and he doesn’t bring them home. But Tim, he instantly begins returning to, gets him a job, then allows him into his own apartment, etc. When Tim pushes back, Hawk relents further, letting him in emotionally, sharing parts of his past, crossing lines by introducing him to others in his circle, and so on.
Hawk is a traumatised man, carrying guilt and anger and shame, and a bucket load of fear! Yes, he has some internalised homophobia, but interestingly, he’s also extremely righteous about his homosexuality -and I don’t believe he thinks being gay is wrong in any way. (His response to his father is indicative of this).
I can personally say that I’ve never thought it was wrong to be queer, yet I spent much of my life hiding who I was and feeling shame. It’s an odd thing! Perhaps it is that the shame forms purely from what is outside of us, while what is inside of us can love another person of the same sex, knowing it is right and pure. Perhaps these contradictions between self and society are what causes so much pain and conflict?
But back to Hawk. Hawk is undoubtedly most affected by his teenage first love experience. A love that he fucked up through his own fears (fear for many men is unacceptable and a sign of weakness), and now carries the burden of believing he is responsible for their death. Hawk doesn’t allow himself to love again, until Tim. And we see many times throughout the show how much Hawk fears losing Tim. And in the end he’ll have to face that fear. I think that, in part, not attempting to have a life with Tim, is also fuelled by his fear of fucking it up and losing Tim - so it’s easier to just not attempt it! In episode 7, when he loses his son, part of that spiral is Hawk recognising that he can’t really prevent loss, and he wasted his life trying to be something he’s not - still losing his child and Tim along with it.
But Hawk is a survivor! And no one has the right to hate or judge him for it. I don’t think some young people truly understand what it feels like to live in a world where who you love can put you in jail, and destroy your life. I grew up in the 70s/80s and my experiences were bad enough, but I try so very hard to think about what it was like before that! When being queer was a crime and a mental illness! That’s pure terror! And for Hawk, he chose to survive the best way he knew how, and he wasn’t able to change because that’s fucking hard when all you’ve known is living in constant ‘fight or flight,’ and when have chronic trauma and experience collective trauma.
I think in episode 8 we’ll finally get to see Hawk grow - I certainly hope so - because he deserves to be free. Our beautiful Skippy has been free for some time, and while we mourn for the cruelty of a world that would take such a truly decent man, I am glad he got to live freely. Being closeted is the worst kind of suffering- a compartmentalised and fragmented existence where you are never truly whole, and therefore can never be the best version of yourself.
Before I go, I just wanted to also talk about being in a closeted relationship-which I experienced in my youth. I think that Hawk and Tim’s intense and toxic and exquisitely beautiful relationship, in part, arises from this. Because two closeted people in love live their relationship in secret, in a bubble, only in certain rooms, with none of the outside world reflected back at them. It becomes the two of you against the world. It’s so insular. Hawk and Tim literally live their 1950s relationship within two rooms - their apartments. All their memories are held within those walls. And it only belongs to them. They know each in ways that no other living soul does. It’s all-consuming and often unhealthy, but also stupidly romantic.
Anyway, sorry for this long winded post that no one will read and is likely full of grammatical errors because I’m tired! This atheist is praying we get everything we need from episode 8! Acceptance, forgiveness, understanding resolution, healing and a whole lot of love! ❤️
Cheers queers! 🏳️🌈
PS Matt and Johnny are exquisite on and off screen and I am so thankful to them for bringing these characters and this story into our lives!
#fellow travelers#hawk and tim#hawkins fuller#tim laughlin#hawk and skippy#matt bomer#jonathan bailey#lgbtqia#queer media
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