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#maybe... i could stream the update.
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You ever think about what's gonna happen when the Welcome Home website updates in December? Hopefully, at least for what I think, we'll get to see the fabled Julierella! Or any visual parts of the show in general. Probably something fit for the holiday spirit.
Maybe wondering about their relatives and loved ones living outside the neighborhood, and the fact that the residents haven't left to see them in some time.
Stuff like that! Maybe even some new recipes!
i try not to think about it or i'll become so nervoucited that i'll get nauseous
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magentagalaxies · 5 months
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in an unexpected turn of events i'm having to edit down the content in my aubrey monologues so that i can actually fit all four of them in my final performance for my standup class and on the one hand it sucks bc i really love some of the jokes i have to cut but on the other hand someday i'll be able to write more monologues and possibly expand upon this cut material so i can get a whole monologue on a topic that would've just been an aside
#the actual standups in my class who have only ever done a tight five having to stretch their new material to fit the 20 minute final#vs me‚ an extremely extra fag who's used to writing full-length scripts‚ realizing the 3 monologues i've timed already add up to 20 min#and i'm working on a fourth one that works better as an opener than any of the existing pieces so it has to get in#(it'll be short tho i'm making sure of it. it's just like ''here's some material about aubrey's relationship to zir mom!'')#(then immediate segue into the uncle reg bit)#got the catcalling monologue down to 5 minutes and 30 seconds when the first draft was nine minutes#(tbh i'm fine with most of those cuts i think they were mostly filler)#(there's a bit about androgyny that i liked that i cut but tbh it doesn't work as just one paragraph it needs more nuance)#the uncle reg monologue is having the ''dumped at the pride parade'' thing trimmed down which is funny bc that was the original premise#tbh i could probably stretch my toronto pride material ft. uncle reg to a full 20 minutes bc the first stream of consciousness was so long#i wrote it right after i myself got back from toronto pride and tbh i actually wrote it as the outline for a sitcom episode#so the monologue version is very reduced down bc there were so many details that didn't fit in#and i'm realizing the material about the person who dumped aubrey should be its own monologue that i'll do another time#and maybe even add in the rest of the sitcom-style story at some point bc tbh that's some of my favorite aubrey material i've come up with#and the cishetman monologue is getting the intro part about facetime trimmed a bit bc it meanders#and the ''sugar and spice and everything nice'' joke is being cut even tho i like it bc i actually have a ton more material in my notebook#that's just me riffing on how weird those expressions are. and the material isn't polished but i could make it something later#the song isn't being trimmed bc it has a very specific run time and imo is the strongest. so that's my closer#anyway thank you to everyone reading my aubrey updates i'll be sure to post the final 20-minute-special on youtube#and i hope i get to do more monologues soon so i can put the other ideas mentioned here (as well as some i haven't) out into the world
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televinita · 1 year
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23 TV Shows I Want To Watch in ‘23
A companion to the book version.
I had a somewhat lackluster year of TV watching last year, so I would like to rectify this by making a solid list of ideas!
(UPDATE: now crossing off shows as I watch them)
Criminal Minds: Evolution
Big Sky: season 2-present
La Brea: season 2
Walker: Independence
Staged
Ghosts (BBC)
How I Met Your Father (a show I completely forgot existed until I heard about the renewal)
Derry Girls
The Terror (well, I tried. and gave up)
That 90s Show
Good Omens: season 2
The Pack (I completely forgot I meant to try this “Amazing Race w/ dogs” show out!)
Daisy Jones and the Six
Fire Country (we’ll see if Billy Burke’s presence can overcome my hatred for the lead actor)
SkyMed (another “let’s see how the cast goes”)
The Cleaning Lady (now I’m just throwing out shows I want to try on mostly-blind faith in the summary)
Monarch
Night Court (2023)
Girls 5eva
We Are Ladyparts
The Lost Symbol
Outer Banks (mayyybe?)
aaand NCIS: the episodes where Ziva’s back (IDK if I have the strength to fully commit to picking the show up where I left off but I want the full context and content)
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vargaslovinghours · 2 years
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Joined your stream and loving it so far <3
I know you probably won't see this until after it's done, but for the sake of future streams: Do you have any limits for what you're comfortable with in the chat?
More specifically, are mild nsfw jokes okay with you? (i.e. "that's what she's said")
Also is cursing okay?
Tried to look for any rules/faq but couldn't find one so sorry if it's listed somewhere!
Happy to hear you enjoyed it! ♥
Yeah, since I don’t stream all that often I don’t have a very well-established set of rules haha - Swearing is definitely okay! Suggestive jokes are cool too, as long as everyone’s on the same page; if anyone feels uncomfortable, please say so and respect ‘em boundaries ♪
Thanks for asking!
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carcinized · 2 years
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OH ITS MCC TODAY. OOPS. I CANT WATCH
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louismygf · 22 days
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svtskneecaps · 2 months
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The purgatory discord screenshot was one of higher ups saying:
i'm gonna be honest, the only way to move someone from their favorite pov is:
drama
create drama
drama moves people
if u can make two teams fight or two players fight each other, or a winner, we can set those situations
Lea (french admin who tweeted the screenshot) also tweeted extra context, saying that this message was about purgatory preparation and how to get people to talk about the project.
Tbh it seems to me to be talking more about the entire basis of purgatory as a team-based competition, not necessarily about intentionally making the teams as unbalanced as they ended up being. But anyways, wanted to share the original message to you since you were looking for it! And either way theres huge problems structurally in the server organization for sure, and full support to Lea and the admins.
yea the stuff coming out is super wack, i'm honestly shocked that they've had less than 5 admins on the TWIT UPDATES EVEN, let alone PER LANGUAGE, like that's crazy. guess it kind of explains some things i've discussed w my sibling even before all this came out, though!
thank you for the transcript and the clarification!! with context yeah it does seem like how you've interpreted it. i doubt it was referring to intentionally unbalancing things, or at least it doesn't read that way to me either. "moving someone from their fav pov" seems kind of counter to "put a lot of the active players who have huge audiences on one team" (listen i mained bolas, i Know). they aren't strictly wrong in terms of conflict breeding conversation; purgatory certainly got people talking (ha ha ha 🙃)
mad support to the team who've managed to keep the server running all this time despite everything, and absolutely mad respect to those who've spoken out about it!! hopefully they can straighten everything out.
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meiieiri · 4 months
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𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐝 [gojo satoru]
HC: GOJO JUST CAN’T SEEM TO GET HIS SERVANT GIRL OUT OF HIS HEAD.
WARNINGS: fluff! sickening blegh blegh fluff. maybe some undertones of misogyny but that’s only because i lowkey have a thing for naoya zenin please don’t judge me, please don’t. and i know, i know, i’m sorry for the late updates, but i’m working on the new chapter of WE as fast as i can, hahaha. just feeling so demotivated lately so i decided to write something new for a bit.
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╰┈➤ gojo satoru who falls harder and harder for you everyday as you dutifully help him with his kimono, prepare his bath, and plan out his meals. one day, i’ll marry her, satoru vows silently as he watches you brew his hōjicha just the way he likes it.
╰┈➤ gojo satoru who waits for you at every blind corridor in the gojo estate, hoping to steal a kiss from you while you’re working. “satoru—!” what was he thinking, pulling you into a searing kiss while you carried a laundry basket full of his clothes? he finds it cute how you instinctively melted in the feeling of his luscious lips, clumsily dropping the laundry basket on the hardwood floor. “is my little servant distracted? tsk, tsk. we can’t have that, can we?” he grins against your lips but before he could lean in for another kiss, he takes a step back. “get back to work, (y/n)-chan~” he waves to you as he struts down the hall.
╰┈➤ gojo satoru is a bold man when it comes to sashaying around his clan’s vast banquet hall, purposefully keeping you within ten feet of him as he speaks to the other clan heads, indirectly showing you off in the new yukata he got for you. though his only concern about the yukata is how troublesome it’ll be to take it off of you and he really doesn’t want to rip another piece from your wardrobe. as you pour him another cup of sake, he wonders if he should’ve just bought you a lingerie set instead.
╰┈➤ gojo satoru has gotten used to his mother nagging him about getting married soon. his family has been growing impatient since the day he turned twenty-six for satoru to find an upstanding lady from another one of the big three clans of jujutsu. he’s seen countless women, been forced to kiss the backs of their hands, and he’d pull through outstandingly - charming one bridal candidate after another who’ve no idea that the entire time, satoru is thinking of the little lady he keeps back home in the gojo estate.
╰┈➤ gojo satoru who takes your hand one day and says: “follow me.” he leads you into the tea room, and finally reveals what the two of you have in front of his elders as he slips an engagement ring, a family heirloom, onto your finger unbothered that the elders whispered among themselves about how shameful it would be for the greatest sorcerer of this generation were to get married to some nobody. “i’d sooner drop dead than see our clan head getting married to this whore!” one of his elders snarls at you, instinctively causing satoru to shield you from them. his face hardens as he speaks his next homicide-coded words. “that could be arranged, auntie.”
╰┈➤ gojo satoru who purposefully chooses a rainy day for your wedding date, so no one could see the joyful tears streaming down his cheeks as he finally makes you irrevocably his.
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rhoddys · 2 years
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anyone know of any good dst creators who post vids on the updates?
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hee0soo · 9 months
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Always
Request: Yes please, if you can maybe make a behind the scenes after bangchan got angry at the staff during a vlive , there is a video of it, I've been wondering what it would be like after the vlive and who would calm him down ? by @sclassstay
Disclaimer: this fic is written and copyrighted by ©hee0soo on tumblr. do not rewrite or repost on any other plattforms without my permission.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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You knew that something was wrong as soon as the door to the green room opened and Chan came walking in, the members following him like little ducklings following their mother.
They were silent for once, which made the alarm bells inside your mind go off, blaring at you loudly. The fact that none of them dared saying much more than a few hushed greetings in your direction was heavily alarming!
It just wasn´t normal! Stray Kids wasn´t known as one of the most chaotic groups for nothing! There was a reason for that such as appearing on other groups live streams without actually appearing in it or the staff jokingly saying that it was like a kindergarten most of the time when they were together!
And the fact that Chan, the patience in person might you add, looked like he was ready to punch whoever entered the green room next, had you raising your eyebrow at the leader.
Chan removed the chain the stylists had put around his neck quickly, throwing it on the table with a little too much force than necessary, staying dead silent when as he sat down on one of the couches prepared for them.
Face strained, mouth set in a hard line and lips pressed tightly together, his eyes were glaring at something only he could see while his fingers were fidgeting around in annoyance.
You turned to Felix, questioning him silently about what had set this off. As far as you knew, he went out of the room joking around with the others. A stark contrast to the now seething posture he held!
The younger Aussie looked back at his leader, carefully studying his expression before turning back to you, whispering quietly.
“Staff was really unorganized today, repositioning everything and everyone while the Live was already running and all… At one point they asked Hyunjin-ah to plug I one of the monitors but he didn´t know how and instead of helping they just left him fumbling. Hyung was really pissed at them…”
You nodded slightly, glad for the little updated from the deep voiced dancer!
“Seems to me like he´s still mad,”
Felix hummed at your words, sitting down in one of the chairs and grabbed his water bottle from the table in front of him.
“Hmm, you´re right but talking to Hyung now could be fatal for us.”
The innuendo in is words had not gone over your head and your head back to look at your boyfriend.
Deciding how you wanted to do this, you got out of your chair, put your phone which you were still holding onto from before, in your back pocket and went over to your boyfriend.
The leader acknowledged your presence with a small glance but ultimately went back to glaring at the wall. He had started to fumble with the bracelet Felix had gifted him a few months ago to distract himself, not wanting to accidently snap at you.
“I´m fine,” he grumbled, chewing on the inside of his cheek, lips pursed.
“I believe you. Doesn´t mean I’m not worried about you…”
Keeping your voice gentle, you grabbed the hand that was playing with the bracelet, drawing small patterns on the exposed skin of his arm.
Chan’s face melted just the tiniest bit at the soothing touch and turned his head to face you.
“No need for that but thank you,”
Humming once more, you brushed a stray strand of hair out of his face, admiring him for a moment but never stopping the ministrations of your finger.
“I always worry about you baby. Comes with being in love with you.”
Closing his eyes, the corner of his mouth twitched a little. Chan didn´t know how but he could feel his anger start to dissipate the longer he looked at you.
“Don´t start acting cute with me!”
“Why? Because you know it´s working?” not being able to hide the smile on your lips, you quickly pressed a kiss to his cheek, making his face and ears turn red.
“Who said it´s working huh?”
At that, Minho, who had obviously listened to what was being said on your end of the couch, snorted loudly.
“Oh please Hyung! y/n barely sits down and you go all soft just because they are next to you! It IS working!”
The leader grabbed the cushion next to him with his free hand and threw it at his eldest kid with scarily accuracy.
“Oh don´t be like that, it just means you looove me!”
“Hmm sometimes…” he shrugged, amusement replacing the last bit of annoyance.
“YAH Christopher!” you screeched, pinching his side.
“I´M SORRY, I’m sorry! Of course I love you!”
“Ya better!”
Sulking, you turned away but Chan had other plans. Grabbing you around the waist, the leader pulled you on top of his lap, giving him the chance to wrap his arms entirely around you.
You could feel him nuzzling his face in your neck, breath fanning over your skin ever so slightly, causing you to shudder.
“I mean it you know…” he whispered into your ear and you smiled.
Of course you knew that, but it was still nice to hear it.
“And thank you, for always being by my side.”
Another kiss was pressed your skin. Turning your head to see him better, you put your lips on his before pulling away again. It was short and chaste but none the less carrying everything you wanted to tell him but didn´t have the words for so you whispered a simple but loving, “Always!”
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antimony-medusa · 2 months
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Okay so, one of my problems with creator boundaries as an event runner is that it's impossible to keep up with them all, because they're being updated, and because so much of the time you learn them when they're reported to you, you weren't in stream yourself. So it's a game of telephone, and there's a constant issue that the message gets garbled in translation.
So the stance that I've taken as an event runner is that I will not be enforcing boundaries, and everyone can decide for themselves what relationships they're comfortable with. This seemed like the best stance for me to deal with the beeduo /p /r wars, and then I have continued to see many other smaller or larger instances where I've gone "yeah, enforcing creators boundaries as an event mod is a nonstarter, I'm sticking with that".
And I've been mostly concerned about issues like— I am not an avid watcher of Gem streams! I might miss things that happen in Gem streams, I don't know what the creator's exact boundaries are for what's okay to do in her vision. But meanwhile I've been over here in Phil streams, and I've assumed that I have known Phil's boundaries, because they get repeated SO MUCH. Everybody knows— no nsfw, and then we argue about if the only shipping allowed is with Mumza (the dsmp stance) or if his continued gay flirting with men on QSMP means he's okay with shipping with them (he kissed a man on camera on QSMP, for example). That is the received wisdom about Phil's boundaries, we all know where we stand and how we're interpreting things.
And I have been like okay, Phil doesn't want to see NSFW, I don't think he's reading my Ao3 history, maybe I will read the occasional pissa fic for fun. There are some good fics in the tag, you know. I will just keep it out of his sight, and the streamer doesn't have to know, right?
Cut to today, where I'm being kicked out of a discord server for bookmarking one (1) Phil NSFW fic. They sent me a clip to prove that NSFW was against the rules and why I was getting kicked. So I watched the clip in the interest of completeness.
flickr
And guys, when I tell you my jaw fucking dropped, because I do NOT agree that anyone should have asked the streamer this, but someone got him to talk about NSFW fan work, "weirdchamp shit", and he explicitly with his mouth says that he "could not give a shit" and "everybody lets out their creativity in different ways", and "ultimately it isn't hurting anybody", and as long as he doesn't see it, he's fine with it. As long as it's kept out of his stream he's fine.
So uh, guys? I know it's not like we haven't been cautiously creeping this way ourselves, just keeping it out of the streamer's sight, but explicitly, word of god from the streamer, I think Phil NSFW has been legal this whole time.
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lecsainz · 7 months
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Hope you're doing amazing! I love your blog so much! I come here almost every other day to day dream about my favourites and read your pieces again and again. Could i request Carlos x reader fic where Carlos comforts the reader after some reporters prod into their private life and the reader feels overwhelmed... Angst to fluff and maybe smut in the end?
SHE’S A BAD BAD GIRL
parings: carlos sainz x famous!reader
authors note: I gotta say, mixing a bit of AU with regular fanfic, can I just say I love doing magazine features?
summary: that one where the media makes up stuff about your relationship with carlos but he ain't gonna let that shake our relationship.
☆. . . masterlist !
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Exclusive Source Reveals Startling Insights Into the Relationship of F1's Rising Star and the Elusive Heiress
The Power Couple: Carlos Sainz and Y/N Y/L/N's Love Story or PR Masterpiece?
By TMZ Magazine - September 2023
In the glitzy world of fame and fortune, where the line between reality and illusion often blurs, power couples are born just as swiftly as they fade away.
None have captured the public's attention quite like that of Formula 1 sensation Carlos Sainz Jr. and the enigmatic heiress Y/N Y/L/N. This power couple's whirlwind romance has been the subject of intense speculation, with many questioning the authenticity of their love. In a TMZ exclusive, we delve into the inner workings of their seemingly sensational union, revealing what lies beneath the surface.
It's no secret that the world of celebrity romance often blurs the lines between genuine affection and calculated publicity. In the case of Carlos Sainz Jr. and Y/N Y/L/N, sources close to the couple suggest that their relationship might be more PR strategy than a heartfelt connection. Our exclusive source, a close friend of the couple, disclosed that the pair has carefully orchestrated their romance to maximize benefits on both ends.
"They both know that being in the spotlight can help boost their respective careers," our source shared. "They decided it's a mutually beneficial arrangement. Carlos gets more media coverage, and Y/N can use his popularity to her advantage."
Y/N Y/L/N, the elusive heiress whose life has been shrouded in mystery, has raised eyebrows with her numerous high-profile relationships over the years. It's no secret that she's been romantically linked to at least eight A-list celebrities, including musicians, actors, and even fellow heirs. Despite her apparent aversion to fame and the media circus that surrounds it, Y/N has consistently found herself in the headlines due to her high-profile affairs.
"The irony is that Y/N has always claimed to hate the attention that comes with dating famous people," our source revealed. "Yet, she's continued to choose partners from the same world she professes to despise."
As the couple's relationship has garnered more attention, their PR teams have been working tirelessly to manage the narrative. They've employed tactics such as carefully timed public appearances, social media posts, and interviews to keep the public intrigued and invested in their romance. This calculated approach, however, has led many to question the authenticity of their connection.
"Their teams are skilled at using the media to their advantage," our source admitted. "It's all about perception and maintaining their status as a 'power couple.'"
As the world continues to watch this captivating couple's every move, one question lingers: Is their love story genuine, or is it a calculated maneuver to seize the attention of the masses and advance their respective careers? Are Carlos and Y/N truly in love, or are they orchestrating a well-choreographed PR campaign for mutual benefit?
Stay tuned for more exclusive updates and revelations from TMZ Magazine.
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Y/N lay sprawled across the plush sofa in the cozy living room of her shared home with Carlos in Spain. The afternoon sun streamed through the windows, casting warm rays of light across the room. She'd been catching up on some reading when her phone buzzed incessantly, drawing her attention away from the book.
The headline on her screen was impossible to miss: "The Power Couple: Carlos Sainz and Y/N Y/L/N's Love Story or PR Masterpiece?" The TMZ article had surfaced online, and her heart sank as she read through the scandalous claims about their relationship. It was a relentless invasion of their privacy, dissecting their love as if it were a staged performance.
Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes, and she felt overwhelmed by the intrusion into their lives. She knew she had to confront this with Carlos, who had always been her rock in times of turmoil.
Carlos entered the room, sensing the tension in the air. "Y/N, what's wrong?" he asked, his voice filled with concern as he sat down beside her.
She handed him her phone, unable to speak the words herself. Carlos read through the article, his expression growing darker with every word. He clenched his jaw, his protective instincts kicking in. "This is complete nonsense," he muttered angrily.
Carlos's anger simmered as he continued to read the invasive article. His protective instincts flared, and he couldn't fathom how anyone could twist their love into something so far from the truth.
"They have no idea what they're talking about," Carlos said, his voice low but filled with determination. "This is just trash journalism trying to stir up controversy."
Y/N looked up at Carlos, her eyes filled with gratitude. She'd always admired his strength and resilience. "I know, Carlos, but it still stings. I hate how they're trying to make our love seem fake."
Carlos's expression softened as he turned to her. "Mi sol," he whispered, using the affectionate term he had for her. "Our love is as real as the sun streaming through those windows. Don't ever doubt that."
Y/N managed a faint smile, her heart aching a little less with his reassuring words. "I just wish we could shut them up, Carlos."
A mischievous glint flickered in Carlos's eyes as he looked at her. "Well, maybe we can," he said cryptically.
Before Y/N could ask what he meant, Carlos swept her into his arms and stood up. She laughed in surprise, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"Carlos, what are you doing?" she asked, her laughter mixing with curiosity.
He grinned down at her, his eyes dancing with mischief. "I'm taking my sunshine to our room," he said, "away from all this nonsense."
Y/N couldn't help but giggle as Carlos carried her bridal style down the hallway to their bedroom. His laughter joined hers, and it echoed through their home, drowning out the noise of the world outside.
In that moment, as Carlos playfully carried her, Y/N realized that their love was a sanctuary, a refuge from the chaos of fame and gossip. It didn't matter what others said or wrote about them. What they had was real, unbreakable, and filled with a kind of love that could weather any storm.
As they reached their bedroom, Carlos gently set Y/N down, and they both burst into laughter. He pulled her into a tender kiss, sealing their promise to protect their love from the prying eyes of the world.
As Carlos set Y/N down in their bedroom, their laughter filled the air like a sweet melody, banishing the remnants of unease brought on by the intrusive article. With a loving smile, Carlos cupped her face in his hands, his gaze locked onto hers.
"You know," he whispered, his voice laced with desire, "there's one thing those journalists will never understand."
Y/N's breath hitched as she met his intense gaze. "What's that?" she asked, her voice barely more than a soft murmur.
Carlos leaned in, his lips brushing against hers in a teasing, tantalizing kiss. "That our love," he murmured, his voice husky, "is the real deal."
Their kisses deepened, their passion igniting like a flame. Carlos's hands slid from her face down to the small of her back, pulling her closer. Y/N's fingers tangled in his hair, and she moaned softly against his lips.
Their love was a fire burning brightly, an unbreakable bond that no amount of gossip or scrutiny could diminish. As their clothes fell to the floor, they reveled in the intimacy that was entirely their own, a celebration of their genuine love.
In the quiet of their bedroom, away from the prying eyes of the world, Carlos and Y/N proved that their love wasn't just a masterpiece of public relations. It was a passionate, fiery, and deeply genuine connection that left no room for doubt.
As their bodies entwined and their moans of pleasure filled the room, they knew that their love was their most cherished secret, a sanctuary where they could be their true selves, far away from the judgmental eyes of the world.
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liked by charlesleclerc , taylorswift , and 13.657.473 others
carlossainz55 just had the best night of my life! thanks, gossipmongers, for the motivation.
tag: yourusername
comments have been disabled.
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bogleech · 1 month
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Also going to finally make a pinned post for all my stuff:
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BOGLEECH - my tumblr blog is named after this website I created around 2002 and still update. Thousands of pages worth of content focusing on creature design as well as real biology. My review of the original Legend of Zelda monsters might be the most straightforward example of my articles. Links to some of the most popular content:
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POKEMON REVIEW ARCHIVE: - I rate and review each and every single Pokemon, in Pokedex order, on its merits as a creature design. I also do so as someone whose favorite animals are all parasites.
DIGIMON REVIEW ARCHIVE - same, but more chaotic.
CREEPYPASTA COOKOFF ARCHIVE - for several years I hosted a yearly writing contest before it grew too big for me to keep up with. There are over a thousand user submitted horror, fantasy, sci fi and surrealist stories here emphasizing unconventional, original ideas you seldom see from the "creepypasta" community!
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The original "MORTASHEEN" Monster Archive - since the early 2000's I've created and illustrated more than 800 creatures and counting for my own monster-catching world, now set for release as a tabletop RPG setting.
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AWFUL HOSPITAL: SERIOUSLY THE WORST EVER (page one): an interactive comedy-horror-sci-fi webcomic I started in 2014 about a medical facility that could maybe be better.
Some of my other internet stuff:
PATREON - constant work makes my patreon updates inconsistent, but the content backlog goes back years with a huge amount of exclusive art and writing. I try to put up new exclusive stuff whenever I can.
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ETSY - I design all sorts of original enamel pins like these, plus I sell zero-maintenance terrarium plants (just leave them in a jar!), original books and other things!
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COLOR THE ABYSS (available on the above etsy!) - a 30 page educational deep sea coloring book! Includes a few famous favorites like giant isopods and hagfish, but mostly focuses on less popular, often much weirder animals.
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UNBELIEVABLE BUGS - also regularly restocked in the etsy store, 30 of the strangest and most surprising arthropods most people have likely never heard of, illustrated by myself and @revretch, written for even the youngest kids to understand (but will likely teach you something new at any age)
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My Itch.io and Ko-fi - both sell digital versions of my books, including some creepypasta collections and my first novel, "Return of the Living," about a world of entirely ghosts suddenly dealing with the appearance of ghost-hunting monsters.
TWITCH CHANNEL - I now try to stream something at least monthly, sometimes weekly when possible, from horror games to books and art.
YOUTUBE CHANNEL - archives my twitch streams and other little things.
INSTAGRAM - look at pictures of my huge weird collection of toys and Halloween collectibles
BLUESKY - I'm going to put mainly just updates to my stuff on here. SEE ALSO:
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HUMANS-B-GONE - a science fiction animated series by my partner @revretch, about a world of kaiju-size, technologically advanced insects and arachnids to whom vertebrates like us are just pesky little "gubs." Also has a tumblr account @humansbgone
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heliumshorns · 2 months
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Linking my fave soundgasm audios and audiomack if (y'all know y'all know) and🥱🥱 giving y'all a character to work with. (They're mostly Msub. Kiss my ass)
Obvious NSFW ahead(M4F), MDNI.
(updated btw)
I dont care what you say, this is so... Suguru. Like, the absolute dipshit would do this in Satoru's bed, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
[Degradation. So much of it.] [Exhibitionism if you squint rlly hard] [Nipple play? A bit?] [Creampie] [Absolute zero aftercare. Like, it scared me.] [Condescending.] [10/10 tho]
This could be Satoru but his ass has to be fictional, tsk tsk tsk.
[Overstim.] [Bro forgets how to speak halfway through.]
Satoru, again. Sigh. Maybe choso if you try hard enough.
[Overstim] [Dubcon?] [He eventually breaks y'all dw] [He cries!]
It's giving choso, babygirl.
That overstim be crazy tho. Cerberos always on point.
NANAMI AT WORK🤤🤤🤤
You can FEEL Choso's brain melting🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
SoftDom Nanami has to be the death of me because WHOHOOOOOOOOOO
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helluvapoison · 3 months
Note
Hi! I feel a little awkward bc I’ve never asked anonymously but I really wanted to ask this but wasn’t comfortable enough to ask regularly, but I really enjoy your hazbin works and the hyperfixation has been gripping me HARD and I wanted to see what you’d think of a Lucifer x Reader where they have a sort of Tony Stark and Pepper Potts vibes, where Reader is his personal assistant and what your thought on that are?
~✨
Lucifer Morningstar x Reader
i put my thoughts at the bottom :3c
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ
• As his colleague, Lucifer is rather frustrating. He hired you as his personal assistant but won’t let you assist
• In the beginning, the most he’ll ask of you is if you know where something is. The answer is usually in his hand or line of sight. Without making him feel dumb, you simply retrieve it for him
• It doesn’t go unnoticed by Lucifer either. He praises you often and in the form of a soft, “What would I do without you?”
• “I’m sure I don’t want to find out, Mr Morningstar.”
• Maybe it takes a minute for the initial “I’m working for the King of Hell” shock to wear off and when it does you realize it was clouding your judgment. Lucifer truly does require your help but he’s incapable of asking for what he needs; it’s up to you to step in and make necessary decisions on his behalf
• That’s what he’s paying you for, right?
• You tell him exactly what’s going to happen before you do it so he’s not caught off guard. He still is. Baffled, really, that you got so ballsy overnight
• Let the banter and boundary pushing begin. Nothing major! You just keep to your word, continuing your courageous streak
• Plucking all the sticky notes off the wall and collecting the ones that were so old they dropped to the floor, you spend an entire day sorting through them. You give his schedule a must needed update and sync it to both your phones so either of you could make changes and be alerted to it
“Why do I need your play-by-play?” He asks teasingly
“So you don’t call me at 4am because you forget I’m not here. Y’know, like last time.”
• Oh yeah, personal space and boundaries cease to exist between you. He’ll sit right next to you, or pull your chair closer to his. When he’s bored, he’ll sit right on your desk
• When he brings you to meetings, which is always because you’re supposed to be focusing on his behalf, he leans in and makes jokes that have you pressing your lips together to be quiet
• “I need to take notes,”
• “And you’re doing great, now jot down how Asmodeus’ shirt is on backwards,” He snickers
• Texting outside your shifts is a regular occurrence. Messages sent back and forth until it’s beyond sleeping hours and you tell him to go to bed
• “See you in 3 hours.” He texts back like he’s counting down (he is)
• Miraculously, you covered all corners of his (rather empty) mansion. Nothing was off limits to you except Charlie’s old room. You made sure dishes left his room or office and made it to the kitchen, checks for the house staff went out on time, supplies were stocked, etc.
• You take paperwork off his desk, screen and divert miscellaneous calls to your phone instead of his, overall taking unnecessary weight from his shoulders. You go as far as to pencil in mealtimes. It’s appreciated even though he’d still forget if you weren’t around
• “I’m beginning to suspect you’re underpaid,” Lucifer partially jokes
• You’re really, really not
• Sure, he spouts his stream of consciousness and it’s up for you to decipher what’s important and what’s just him sharing random details. Yes, he has you sit on his chair while he gestures wildly and explains the mechanics of something you don’t understand just because he’s excited about it. And yes, maybe, you spend too much time in his house than your own
• But you’re disgustingly overcompensated. You thought he made a mistake when you saw your paycheck. If not by actual money, Lucifer spoils you rotten in ways he definitely shouldn’t and doesn’t for his other employees
• “You deserve it for putting up with me,” His voice is laced with more adoration than acceptable, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
• You haven’t been doing it for the money in a long time
• The two of you have been teetering over the line of professional and inappropriate, praying, begging really, to fall on the side of the latter
• You almost kill him when you say you want to quit. Lucifer’s ready to offer you Hell on a golden platter if you’ll stay
• “It’s not about the money. I-I can’t do this anymore, I feel like a gold digger and I hate it! I don’t want to be your assistant, I want more and I–”
• Lucifer heard more and is struck with the overwhelming urge to kiss you
• “How much more?” He asks instead, voice cracking in anticipation, “If it’s in my power, it’s yours for the taking.”
• “Mr Morning—“
• “You want more? I can give you more. I can give you everything, anything, just tell me what you want. I know I’m a mess but I can be better! I can— I can,” Lucifer scrambles to find something, his wild eyes searching the air between you for anything you haven’t already done for him. He sighs, “I can be better, I promise…”
• “Because I want more too. I want to take you on cheesy dates, I want to have you beside me everywhere I go, I want all of Hell to know you’re mine. I want you to come here and stay here because you want to!” He wheezes and tugs at his collar, “And now I feel like want isn’t a word anymore because I’ve been saying it too much— do you ever do that? You say it over and over again and it starts to.. to…”
• He stares at your hand, placed softly over his to stop him from clutching at his clothes. Oh fuck, he can’t breathe
• “You’re really working for that pride title, aren’t you?” You tease softly, smoothing out the wrinkles in his vest before stealing his other hand, “Tell me more about what you want, Mr—“
• “Lucifer,” He all but begs
• “Lucifer,” You hum and he shivers, “What else?”
• “Don’t leave me,” He breathes, “I’ll be better.”
• “You’re already enough.”
• Painfully aware of how close the two of you have become, Lucifer struggles to keep your eyes locked with his. Your lips look so enticing, they always have
• His voice is quiet, almost broken, when he says, “I—I need you to say it.”
• “I won’t leave you. I’m still quitting though,” You smile, hovering over his lips, “So you’ll have to find a different way to compensate me.”
• “Pfft. Easy peasy,”
• He says nonchalantly as if he hasn’t tripped over nothing imagining your lips on his before. It’s nothing compared to the real thing
• Once again, you’re overcompensated
~
╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ hello hi ✨! you’re getting a kith, c’mere. I absolutely see the vibes you’re going for and I am here for it!
i think tony and pepper are hilarious and adorable but i recognise it isn’t the healthiest of relationships out there. i know that’s not what you were implying at all though! the flirting, the bizarre requests, the shameless spending, the nonstop talking, the nonexistent boundaries, the devotion– yes, i see it i see it i see it!
i don’t think lucifer would raise his voice (not to you, anyways) you could get away with actual murder and that’s before he realizes his feelings for you. he can get rid of a body easily
lucifer may (like tony) forget the day of important dates but when he realizes, he makes up for it completely! he feels awful about it
if you look at something for 3 seconds too long, he’s buying it. if you show him something, he’s buying it. if he thinks you want it, he’s buying it
(like pepper) you definitely do put up with a lot of similar antics behind them though are good intentions and lucifer’s better at accepting fault. so if they genuinely upset you, he’ll find a way to mend it... usually it goes over the top
there’s really nothing lucifer wouldn’t do for you, it just takes some reminding that you’d do the same for him
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tojiwrd · 9 months
Text
6: fate is fickle ; gojo satoru
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pairing gojo satoru x fem!reader
summary when satoru breaks off your engagement, you understand and accept it. but when he marries someone else, you don't understand because he didn't want to be tied down.
content warnings mentions toxic family, mentions of forced marriage, emotional infidelity, lots of crying, drama drama drama, confrontation, lots of reminiscing. also not proofread so im sorry for any mistakes !!
word count 4k
a/n sorry for late update lomls my gojo fate is fickle ver. came back into my life after three years of silence so this is chapter is coming straight from my bones guysssss . also i am so so so grateful for the support on this fic, genuinely makes me so happy i love u guys sm thank you SO much !! <3 also credit to the person of the art!! i can't find their name so if anyone knows then lmk <3
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Gojo Satoru didn’t get on one knee and ask to marry you. He did it when the two of you were in the apartment he bought just a few months prior, laying on the bed as the small opening of the curtains let a thin stream of silver streams in. It wasn’t that he wasn’t prepared because when he slipped the question while the two of you were facing one another, a hint of sleep heavy on the eyes on his moon-kissed face, he backed it up with the ring he’d carefully tucked away in his sweatpants. You swore your cheeks were hinting a fresh glow for the next week.
Maybe it was dumb to think you and Satoru, only twenty-five, would’ve worked out when he proposed on a random Sunday in bed. It did seem dumb, though, while you sat across Hana who was relaying her own proposal story. You’d tuned it out, not wanting to hear her drone on about how it was the most perfect, breathtaking moment when he got on one knee at a rooftop restaurant. You didn’t want to be there, partially because you truly felt as though Hana was painting Satoru out into someone he wasn’t, and partially because you were human and humans tend to get jealous sometimes. 
It was meant to be a simple brunch with ten people, friends of friends of friends. You had Reina right next to you, Reina, whose eyes were continuously twitching as Hana would relearn a new moment from that picture-perfect night and feel the need to share it with everyone on the table. You could also see some of your own friends who were aware of yours and Satoru’s relationship look at her, then you, with furrowed brows. Hers mostly out of confusion, and at you to ask why the fuck are you quiet?
“Ugh!” One of the girls, Jia, exclaimed as Hana finally seemed to get to the end of her engagement story. “I wish I had someone like Gojo Satoru; all these men are so unromantic and act like genuine children.”
Truthfully, if Satoru wasn’t your ex-fiancee, you would be on the same boat as the girls who were unaware of your past relationship. Hana’s story, from the pieces you forced yourself to hear, was dreamlike. A small part of you wanted to tell her that her romantic and unchildlike husband had proposed to her, too, right after he’d done some other things that would end that conversation immediately. But you didn’t because it wasn’t Hana’s fault, even though your mind kept putting some blame on her, that Satoru broke it off with you.
“I hope all of you find somebody like Satoru. He truly is the best,” Hana replied dreamily. 
You clenched your fists. Reina slammed hers on the table. 
“You’re so delusional, Hana, it’s concerning.” You wanted to raise your arms and pull Reina down and ask her to shut up. To not cause a scene. But Hana looked at Reina, a confused, concerningly kind expression covering her features and you realized there lived a monster in you that wanted to see Gojo Hana crumble. “Don’t look at me all coy, high, and mighty. You don’t know shit about your husband. Why don’t you skip over these semantics and really tell them the only reason the two of you got married was because your parents forced you to?”
You delighted in the flash of anger that slid across Hana’s face as she pursed her lips, trying to find the right words. You leaned back and stared, an uncharacteristically numb look covering your features. This, a part of you realized, might be detracking you from your healing process but it was fun.
Hana looked around the table and noticed how all eyes were fixed on her figure. If there was one thing you’d learned from girls' brunches, it was that everybody loved when it blew over and left one or many people scathed. She sputtered over her words, the tangle coming out completely incomprehensible and you almost felt bad. Almost felt bad because it wasn’t expected of her to admit to a whole group of socialites that the marriage to the Gojo heir wasn’t out of love, but out of an arrangement that went in their favor. If you were in her place, you, too, would’ve waxed poetic about your marriage because if the truth would bring the palpable exciting energy down, you would feel bad.
“Perhaps it was suggested by our parents,” she started, glaring at Reina with faux sweetness. “But it was only because our parents saw how in love we seemed with each other.”
You tried to hold yourself back but it was just so simple for you to scoff at her words. When Reina looked at you, a sheen of anger coating her eyes, you pushed yourself to talk. “It’s not love if he cheated on someone with you.”
You had thought about this moment before; you’d wondered if, were you to ever meet Hana again, you would drop the ticking time bomb in her presence that might either blow up her entire marriage or just cause a small blip in the working systems of it. But saying it now, after hearing her say all Satoru had said about you was that your fathers worked together, felt completely underwhelming. Though the shoe was dropped and it was clear everybody managed to get a small tatters of it to whisper about with other people, it felt wrong. Wrong because the way Hana looked at you, eyes brimmed with tears and brows coming together in sadness, you had most likely broken a piece of her.
She gulped then cleared her throat. “Can—Can we talk outside? Alone?” she asked and, without sparing a glance at anybody on the table except for you and Reina, she walked to the sliding doors of the restaurant and into the glaring sun above. 
Reina placed her hand on your forearm and said, “Come on, let’s go.” It was surprising to see a miniscule hint of guilt on her features, and you realized you had to have the conversation. 
Hana had most likely heard the clicking of yours and Reina’s heels because she didn’t turn back to face the two of you. “I know you and Satoru had something going on.”
You froze, stunned and silent. 
“I had heard from my mother that you both were in a relationship. He never mentioned it to me, though, and I didn’t mention it, either.” She turned around, eyes wide as she looked down and shuffled her feet in anxiousness. “I don’t know how it ended or when it ended, but I thought when he—he finally acknowledged there was something between us, the two of you were over. I didn’t want to know. We did get married because our fathers told us to, but I wasn’t lying when I said he was sweet and caring.” Her stare burned you like a billion matches. There was truth in her words, you knew—
“You homewrecking bitch!” Reina’s voice cut off your train of thought as she walked towards Hana, an accusatory finger pointed in her direction. Once again, you didn’t stop her even though you probably should’ve. “If you knew he was in a relationship, how could you even think of flirting with him? They were engaged. God! I swear, both you and Gojo are two peas in the same pod. You deserve each other.” Her words were also ringing through your head and there was confusion bubbling up within the same pot as growing anger. 
“Why’d you pretend not to know when we saw you at the club?” you asked, finding your voice again, in a calm tone that surprised you, too. 
Hana shook her head. Her face had curled up into fury, and you wondered if her nice, docile, angel-sent-from-above personality was a card she held up her sleeve the entire time. “I didn’t care. I didn’t want to know because Satoru was mine—is mine. You weren’t a part of his life anymore, so I didn’t want to add any worries that were misplaced.”
You wondered if you should tell her that Satoru had tried reaching out to you at Suguru’s gallery. 
“If he had told me he was with you, I wouldn’t have tried anything with him.”
You were sure you had moved past everything. 
After more than a year of avoiding any fire from your past with Satoru, the past two weeks had been filled to the brim with situations revolving around him. It was easy to ignore what you had with Satoru when he seemed like a distant memory and then a mere ghost in your thoughts. But when he’s insistent on giving you answers you never asked for, answers you didn’t want to know, and his wife had made an appearance that caused your brain to run without stopping, it was difficult to treat him the way you had. 
No matter how much you wanted to ignore everything and reset your brain back to its default settings, you couldn’t when the world was caving in on you and reality seeped through its cracks to light a bright, pertinent light in front of your eyes. You hated Gojo Satoru with every inch of your bones, but you were never truly able to forget just Satoru himself.
Your mind had an interesting way to deal with the pile of information dropped onto your shoulders. You should’ve been reliving how Satoru made your blood boil when he got engaged with Hana, how he carelessly broke your heart because he began falling for somebody else, somebody brand new while he was taking space on your bed every night. You should’ve been, but you weren’t. 
‘A relationship broken is always a relationship that could’ve been,’ is what you’d read once graffitied onto a brick wall you were leaning against with Satoru once in the middle of the bustling city streets. You’d pointed it out, he’d agreed. He’d agreed. You wish he hadn’t because there was a fragment of you that wished he remembered those words now. The devilish part of you wished that’s what he remembered, recounted abruptly while he was sleeping next to his wife. 
You wished he’d think of the could’ve been’s instead of the measly fears he told you about at the gallery. 
You also wish you had those fears, too. You loved Satoru to a point that he was in everything you did; your clothes smelt like his detergent because you would always take your laundry to his house for the weekends. The lamp next to your bed had his bracelet wrapped around it because he thought it was too loose on his wrist and he’d lose it. You would always accidentally call him because his contact was on your home screen, causing you to press on it when you were scrolling (he always picked up and he always talked to you for hours after, making you forget why you had opened your phone in the first place). The tattoo, a small design of baby’s breaths, on your hip reminded you of how he had held your hand through the pain. 
You knew Satoru’s dreams. You knew Satoru’s biggest fears. So, why did he never tell you the fears he had for the two of you?
As soon as the thought hit your mind, it was followed by you harshly reprimanding yourself by reminding you that it was because he was getting excited over someone else’s calls, someone else’s dreams.
“Y/N, honey.” You heard your mother’s voice call from your ajar bedroom door before she hesitantly stepped in, heel-clad feet grazing over the off-white floor with footsteps following behind her. “Your friend from the gallery here to see you.”
You knew exactly who she was talking about which is why you raised slightly from your bed, a panicked look in your eyes, and only began pleading with her to tell him you weren’t here. Before you could even utter a complete, coherent sentence, Suguru had walked in with his head down and your mother simply walked out of the door, sparing you a sad smile. She didn’t know any of what had happened, but she most likely sensed it wasn’t anything worth toasting to after seeing Suguru’s mood and your reaction. 
“Please, Suguru.” Your voice wobbled, a slight hiccup in your words because this was too much. Even though Suguru was somewhere on the top of your least-favorite people list at the moment, he didn’t deserve to see you get angry at him without having control over your words. “Leave.”
“Listen, listen, Y/N. I just… I heard some stuff and I needed to check on you.” His words were hesitant, as if he’d rehearsed them but had changed the script at the last minute. He walked closer to your bed and you couldn’t find the words to ask him to leave. “Hana told me—”
You snorted, cutting him off. “Hana told you what? That I ended her perfect, dreamy image of her marriage in public? Are you here to—what? Reprimand me? Tell me I was wrong—”
“Fuck, no. Stop, just for one second.”
You did stop because Suguru seemed more tense than you knew what to do with. 
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Y/N.”
You stared at him, unblinking. “What do you want me to say?”
“Nothing, nothing,” he quickly addressed, his body finding its way to the edge of your bed. “I want to say I’m sorry, and you don’t have to accept it. I was wrong—I realize that now but… I was scared, Y/N.”
“Scared of what? I wouldn’t have been any worse if you’d just told me what you knew, Suguru. You hid it from me when you saw how I was going insane the month after the breakup.”
“I was scared of this. How you’ve been feeling since Satoru told you the truth himself.” You couldn’t reply to that. “But I want to tell you that even though I hadn’t told you about it, I did let Satoru know really well what he did was wrong. Not that it’s any better, but I never supported what he did. I—I couldn’t stop him from marrying her because… well, because he’s Satoru. I shouldn’t have assumed you were okay, especially not after finding out about Hana after three months. But I thought you were and—I don’t know, I wasn’t thinking straight.
But I heard from Hana earlier today about what had happened at brunch. She said she was scared Satoru would find out what she said and I—I have no idea why she trusted me with that information. I’m not friends with her. I don’t know why she told me.”
You took in a deep breath processing all the information Suguru kept on dropping. “I’m not telling Satoru anything.”
“But she—”
“She nothing. I don’t want to hear it, Suguru. Whatever she did, even if she actively tried to sabotage me and Satoru, it was on him that he let her.” Your phone lit up from beside you and you glanced at the time, internally thanking whoever controlled it for the real excuse to kick him out of your house. “I have plans with Kento. You need to leave now, actually.”
You didn’t miss the way Suguru’s face flashed with a hint of disappointment at your words. 
Kento Nanami wasn’t understanding—not truly—which is why you were surprised that halfway through your date, when you told him you had to talk to Satoru, he understood. He walked you out of the restaurant, a calm, unwavering hand on your back and told you that no matter what happened, he’d be there by your side. 
And though you knew you had people by your side, you really couldn’t remember who and felt a flutter in your chest. 
By the time you reached Satoru’s (and Hana’s) apartment, the urge and confidence you felt when you came up with your plan ebbed away into pieces and left you lying there in a situation you weren’t sure you could face. You raised your hand up to press a finger against the doorbell regardless, trying to force away the thought that you would see the apartment you helped him move into and decorate. You briefly, for a second, wondered if he had changed it. You also wondered if it would hurt to see the small paintings you’d bought as a present for his new apartment not be in the spots of the wall Satoru put you on his shoulders to pin.
When the door opened, you were met with the same eyes that had haunted your dreams and nightmares. His mouth opened, wide enough for a fly to fly into, then he schooled his features into mere curiosity. You realized that you were the one that sought him out this time, you were the one who dropped in unannounced at his house, which meant you should speak. 
“I need to talk to you.” And frankly, at that moment, you didn’t care if Hana was lurking behind him and able to hear you initiate a conversation with her husband. That was what he was: her husband before your ex-fiance.
He breathed out and shook his head as if willing himself to speak, too. “Yes. Yeah. Come in, Y/N.”
And you did. You saw the walls, the paintings, the small hearts on the corner of the dining table you drew with a sharpie, the couch you picked out, and even the necklace you had forgotten that peeked from under his coat on the coat hanger. You didn’t comment on it, though. 
“Do you want water? Tea? Liquor?” 
You almost laughed at the anxiousness in his voice. “I’m good. This won’t take long.”
Satoru’s expression was what you could confidently call crestfallen, and he didn’t try to hide it this time. You forced yourself not to think about it. You merely went down to the couch in his living room that you picked out and placed yourself on the left corner because you always used to sit on the right. It helped you see the TV better. 
“She isn’t home.” You knew who he meant by ‘she.’
“Goj—Satoru, I need you to do something,” you said, unsure of how to start it off. In all fairness, you hadn’t prepared what you were going to say, it was just a messed up, jumbled backbone of stuff that you knew you had to tell him.
His reply was instant. “Anything.”
“I need you to not feel guilty or—I don’t know, keep feeling guilty but just keep it to yourself, okay?” You sounded like you were talking like a preschooler, and it wasn’t much different because Satoru looked at you with the hopeful eyes a kid has before you reject their wishes. But Satoru wasn’t a kid, Satoru was a man who made poor choices and hurt someone by doing something unexcusable, and that made it okay to tell him to stop. 
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t talk to me. If we’re in the same place, don’t talk to me. Don’t ask me not to hate you. Don’t tell me you regret what you did to me.”
It hurt to break your heart by your own words. 
“Y/N, don’t do this,” he trailed off, eyes wide and filled with fear now. “Please.”
“Stop.” Your own eyes brimmed with tears you weren’t going to shed. It was fine dealing with Satoru when he tried to talk to you, but doing it on your own terms gave you an inexplicable feeling of sadness you hadn’t expected. “You’re being selfish.”
“No. How…”
“You take when you want, Satoru. You know more than anybody else that I loved you and lost myself when I couldn’t. You were there that night in the car, holding me when I cried when you left me. You left me!” you exclaimed, pointing your index in his direction that would’ve jabbed him in the face if he wasn’t further away. “You were there even after you left me. You’re there now, making me all confused and angry, when you know you can’t give me anything. You don’t have any intention of being somebody I need in my life, so leave. Make this easier for me and leave. Let me live my life while you live yours.”
He had shifted down the couch, and though he was still not too close, it felt too close. 
“Don’t—fuck, don’t say that, love. Please. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
You flailed your arms in the air, his words not helping your case at all. “You can be sorry a million times over, but what’s done is done. You can’t… Fuck, Satoru. You can’t do this.”
A moment passed. Then another. He placed his head in his hands, facing ahead while you faced his shaking body. 
“I love you,” he said, and you were lost. 
“Don’t do this to your wife, Satoru. You love her. You’re supposed to love her. Don’t do this to someone else.”
“I love you,” he repeated, his eyes now looking into yours with a familiar fire of determination. “You know that, right? You know that I love you?” His words broke out into a sob that ripped directly from his scratchy throat. “Tell me you know that.”
“Then please leave. Don’t show up. Stop showing up, and stop explaining something that can’t be understood.”
And when Satoru placed a hand on your cheek, you didn’t push it away because you saw that previous fire dwindle within a second. He tugged his lower lip between his teeth as he scanned your warm face, your glassy eyes, and he noticed how you were shivering under his touch. You didn’t push it away because Satoru might’ve been selfish, but you were, too. And you would inhale the embers of him before they turned into ash.
“You want this?” he asked, but you could see he knew the answer. You didn’t reply. He continued, “I’ll leave you alone, if that’s what you want. But—But I want you to know I wanted it to be you. When Hana walked down the aisle, I thought of you. I wish you’d come. I would’ve never said ‘I do.’ I swear. I’m sorry I fucked up—I fucked us up. I got carried away and…”
You smiled sadly. “Don’t do that to her. You have a chance at being happy, Satoru. Don’t ever do what you did to me again.”
“Do you?” he asked.
“Do I what?”
“Have that chance at being happy?”
You thought about the question and Kento’s name flashed in your mind. It might have been small compared to the colossal amounts of feelings you felt with Satoru back then, but it was something. Even though you didn’t shake under Kento’s touch or feel your stomach turning upside down everytime he smiled at you, you felt safe and you knew that if you could stay, Kento would stay, too. 
“I do.”
He inhaled a sharp breath, a single tear falling from his eye. “Is it wrong that I still wish it was me?”
You wanted to say no, it isn’t because a part of me wishes it was you, too. You didn’t. 
He continued, “I can’t let you go, Y/N.” 
Another tear, then another, till they continued streaming down his face. You couldn’t stop them. You couldn’t react to them. Not even when he took his hand away from your face to messily wipe them away between sobs and hiccups. 
“You said you didn’t deserve me, and you were right. Remember that.”
And even though a larger part of you didn’t want to leave, you left, afraid that you might end up entangling yourself in his arms to cry with him. To get one taste of his lips for the last time before deciding to fuck it all and make one kiss more. To hold onto him for longer, forever. You left because you weren’t sure you could tell Satoru to leave again. You thought you still loved Satoru just not in the way you used to. But when you saw him pleading for nothing because there was no good outcome for the two of you, you realized you might still love Satoru the way you used to, just less and concealed by the hurt. You would’ve chosen all the bad outcomes and then some more if you stayed a minute longer.
895 notes · View notes