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#maybe look forward to more pieces rendered like this in the future?
purble-gaymer · 5 months
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i can’t stop thinking about the kirby trail mix
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glassesntea · 11 months
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Hey! For the character ask, since you have him in your avatar, Levi!
Oh, hi! :)
How I feel about his character
Levi's character surprised me, because I didn't expect to love him this much. It wasn't an immediate love, though, the Uprising Arc really did a numer on changing my perception of Levi, as well as reading the manga and discover all the nuances that were lost in the adaptation.
(Never forgiving WIT for chicken out THAT scene with Historia)
He is a deeply human character that has torn himself to pieces for others, until the very end. I'm glad he survived to finally live a normal life.
Maybe all the hardships he endured since he was a child and, despite that, being a compassionate and kind invividual make me feel a genuine attachment to his character. And not beign suave at all, with his awkwardness and coarse demeanor contributes at rendering him very unique.
All the people I ship romantically with this character
Pretty much just Hange. I like their dynamic, how well they understand and balance each other. Their interactions are great: they are basically the parents of a bunch of teenagers, holding the weight of everyone expectations (Levi) and the difficulty of command (Hange) and they pretty much just have each other to shoulder the pressure, being the only two veteran left.
I can imagine them getting closer in a romantic way.
However! Let's move forward with the next question.
My non romantic OTP for this character
Hange again. If Isayama will confirm in the future that between them there's nothing but a platonic relationship, I wouldn't bat an eyelid. Because I think that even in a romantic relationship they wouldn't act any different from their usual self.
They just work, because they care for each other and their friendship is just special. Probably one of my favourite scene in Aot is Levi's farewell in Odiha. It just break your heart Whetever you see them as simple friend or an item.
I would have loved to see some more interaction between Levi and Mike, with the fact Mike was the strongest after Levi and how they interact with each other after No Regrets.
Mikasa/Levi is another huge non romantic OTP for me: because they come from the same clan, being the strongest in the army, their rocky start. I would have liked to see them interact more.
My unpopular opinion about this character
MAPPA design for the winner. I know it's not about Levi as character, but the design is pretty important when you present someone. It has muscles, it looks his age and not a teenage stick. So thanks MAPPA.
My second unpopular opinion is that he was vital in the final battle and that Isayama didn't nerfed him just because...
He put the groups together when their resolve started to wane with the upcoming transformation of the Eldian (and Jean and Connie) into Titans. He pushed them to act, and they won.
"But he was so injuried because he did something stupid": he's human, humans do mistakes, if a character is perfect it's boring. A story needs some conflicts. Zeke just titanized 30 of his men, whom he was forced to kill, he was angry and despite that he kept Zeke alive for Paradise sake. What Zeke did was pretty unpredictable and it costs Levi a steep price.
Last unpopular opinion: why many of you are so upset with him being in a wheelchair? It made sense after the injuries he got and this doesn't diminish him at all. Once cool you'll always been cool.
One thing I whished would happen/ had happened with this character in canon
More interactions between him and Mikasa, and some lore about the Ackerman in relation.
Also I would like to see his life after the Rumbling, with Onyankopon and Gabi and Falco and their family. Did he opened a teashop?
Isayama said that, maybe, he will write some post-canon Levi so, finger crossed!
Thanks for the ask! :D
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studioahead · 8 months
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Artist Spotlight: David Wilson
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What kept popping up in our conversation with Oakland-based artist David Wilson was ways of seeing: landscapes, futures, memory. His watercolor series Facing the Other Way is a poetic rendering of the familiar (Mount Tam) made unfamiliar—and we encourage everyone with a love of Marin to spend some time with this remarkable piece and David’s equally remarkable comments (below) about how memory constructs these places we think we know so well.
If all of that is a little too conceptual for you, just know we met David at a dance party and that his art and artistic outlook is just as fun and wild as his DJ sets. To say nothing of the mind-meld that was "The Possible," about which: "I think my brain is just about healed, perhaps it’s time to try it again?"
Studio AHEAD: Hi, David! We want to start with a recent show of yours, “Framings.” It featured a large-scale drawing made of smaller drawings, all from the hillside of Wildcat Canyon, that you did daily over the course of several weeks. Tell us a little bit about this project, and maybe the role the parts play in the whole.
David Wilson: Hi! Yes, over the years of slowing growing into my drawing and painting practice, I’ve found it most rewarding to center the physical experience of sitting in the landscape drawing in direct observation, and to try to separate myself, as best I can, from the final results of what the image becomes. The way I do it, as you’ve noted, is by immersing myself in the parts, working on isolated daily pages that I carry out with me, continuing each day’s sitting with a new blank page picking up on the memory of where I left off.
So the piece you mentioned, Facing the Other Way, is a watercolor score of 33 pages, recording 33 days, all made while sitting at the same perch in Wildcat Canyon, gridded together in the end to form a more expansive view looking out towards the Bay and Mount Tam in the distance. The individual pages can stand alone, and I like to resolve each piece to itself as I work, with the particular character of light and weather and focus evidenced page to page. Sometimes this is obvious, like a day when I paint in the rain and the paper is a softly washed space, but usually it is more subtle. These conditions are in the environmental space but also in the mental space, so each day the external and internal are interacting to bring out whatever marks get marked. So these bigger works, containing lots of parts, share a movement across what I’m seeing and also how I’m seeing. I like that there is a tension between continuity and individuality, it feels honest to what it’s like each day; we shift, things shift, we respond as best we can and find paths forward to make some sense.
This particular spot in Wildcat Canyon is significant for me, it’s a place that I have wandered and drawn many times over the years, making some of my first durational works, learning about myself and what I hope to fulfill in making art. So returning to it in making this piece has an even bigger episodic arc of parts. Walking out over and over, both in the particular season of this painting, but also over all these years, has become a loving, devotional act. I believe it’s how a relationship to a place, or a person, becomes more meaningful. As you continue to choose it, you know it more deeply, it becomes more dear. 
Studio AHEAD: Does memory relate to how you imagine landscape? How do you map environments in your mind?
David Wilson: It’s funny, I have always felt extremely un-imaginative when it comes to drawing and painting. The mental image of things is not where I go. For me, seeing is the thing, opening up as clear a channel as I can between my eye and my hand. My favorite marks are ones that are specific because they are a strong response to seeing, those are the ones that can surprise me, and make me happy. The clearer the response, the more purposeful the mark, the more satisfying the result.
I think that’s why I don’t have a studio practice, when I’m home, inside, I don’t know what to make. I have to go out and find some space to work from, that’s what turns it all on. When my kids get excited and ask me to draw things, like a plane or a dog, I draw some really not good things! They look at me like, don’t you draw for your work? 
So I don’t feel like I hold a strong mental image, but I do feel like I have a strong grasp on memory as it relates to seeing. I look hard as I sit and take in a landscape, and then drawing sharpens my attention to all those shapes and forms interacting. So by the time I have spent a day looking, I really remember details that help me pick up when I return for a following sitting. I like to end each session picking one little point in these vast landscapes, and staring at it hard so that I can find it again, even if it’s just one particular tree or gap. So I work hard to hold a particular link, but from there, once I start again, I like letting go and getting into the new day’s space, since again, ideally I’m not misplacing my focus on the finish of the piece, just giving myself some structure and purpose to the sequence of days that leads me to larger work. 
When I start a new piece, I always start in the middle, beginning with what feels like the center of a landscape. It helps me find the scale more naturally than if I tried to begin with an edge and work in based on an idea about the overall composition. There is something about how my brain works that lets me keep things in order, and maintain some relative scale, but I don’t have a clear mental map that I work off of, it’s a little more of a funky process that goes on in there. I think it’s a Virgo thing.
Studio AHEAD: What is your relation to California? How did you come to be here?
David Wilson: I am an east coast person in origin; I grew up in a suburban town near Worcester, MA. My family kept pretty tight orbits around the northeast, we would mostly just go to Queens to visit my grandparents, Cape Cod to go to the beach, and maybe Vermont or New Hampshire to see some trees and a mountain. But mostly we just stayed put. So when a friend from college tossed out her vision of moving to Oakland I was curious to know what that could even be. I had a pretty enchanting first visit, complete with East Bay hills walks, a noise show at the Oakland warehouse called Lobot, the hike down from Mount Tam to Stinson Beach and back up again, a cute house party, and many burritos, as one does. I felt like I could get right in the mix, and so I moved, and I did.  
For me, California is landscape, and it is community, which are the two things that I love most. To move between solitary experiences in big nature and highly connective experiences with people who are excited to be generative is a wonderful mixture. There continue to be days when I find myself way up on a hill, alone, or with a treasured friend, sandwiched between city doings, and I think how lucky it is to live with such a balance.
Studio AHEAD: “California is landscape, and it is community” is our shared mantra! Speaking of community, you received a lot of press for “The Possible” exhibition at BAMPFA. We like how it breaks down the artist/viewer dichotomy by involving the audience, and of course there is an aspect of community building to it as well. What does “The Possible” show is possible? What was impossible about it?
David Wilson: Thanks for the question, it’s always nice to revisit “The Possible,” it was one of those peak life building–and exploding–projects that I will always be unpacking, and hopefully, given the right moment and situation, will get the chance to reenact. For those unfamiliar, “The Possible” was an exhibition that I curated at BAMPFA in 2014 with the support of former director Larry Rinder [whom we interviewed here —SA] . Rather than a traditional presentation of work, the exhibition was a vehicle and a platform that transformed the museum into an experimental school, residency, gathering ground, performance site, and public commons. It was in part inspired by the fact that the museum was about to move out of its inspiring former 1970 Mario Ciampi building, so there was a sense of permission to use the building itself in ways that were formerly not deemed “possible” due to the standard museum protocols around registration, insurance, and just general caution.  
The show was very much alive, which I loved, growing and changing everyday, involving new ideas and people with each step, unfolding itself beyond what I could have imagined just myself. The initial group of roughly 100 artists and contributors that I got involved over the course of a year of preparation quickly swelled to twice that as invitations passed further along, and that’s even before the public got swept up in it. There were teams of artists designing, facilitating, and programming studio-type spaces, a ceramics studio, a textile and dye lab, a print shop, a sound recording studio, an experimental video and performance space, a library, and of course, an outdoor shower, among other things. Each of these platforms and resources were made available to invited guests during the week, and were fully open on weekends to the public. 
Artists often contributed their ideas to the show itself, which was unique, applying their practice to the common shape or need of the whole. For example, one of my primary collaborators on the exhibition, the artist Alexander Kori Girard, designed a giant platform that was a multi-tiered pinwheel display sculpture, which began the show elegantly empty and then we would install works and ephemera from various happenings every week, so that by the end it was fully tangled in its collection of the show. 
“The Possible” was like a festival in that every day for five months something was happening, some things planned but most things unexpectedly unleashed. I like to describe the format of the show as a vessel, like a giant amphora, that was sculpted to hold as much as possible, ideas and people; in the beginning it was empty, and it just kept filling and filling with everyone involved and the public use. The vessel held up pretty well, though I did feel at times like I had fingers plugging holes just barely keeping it from bursting.
I think the show’s most dominant message of possibility was the powerful opportunity of collaboration and cross pollination.  People were intersecting their practices, sharing and supporting each other in trying new things; and I believe this forged meaningful new ideas and relationships that have lasted well beyond the time of the show. 
Much of the question of what is possible sometimes felt like a question of “what is possible within institutions,” since the show itself is not that radical a format when compared to artist-run spaces. But the scale was perhaps what made this radical, and to stretch an institution in a direction that was un-defined, or not preemptively defined, but purposefully open. It’s a little like how I was describing my drawing practice now that I’m describing it again here…trying to design a format that is rigorous enough to trust so that you can let things just happen. 
What was not possible was probably in the sustainability of such a thing. I think a lot of power that drives people into such a spirit heavy, and kind of absurd, communal project like this is the sense of its finite nature. With that all-in spirit came a major force of camaraderie, but there was definitely burn out, and in some cases, darker relationship fall out. I know that for myself, I placed an unrealistic load on my brain to hold things together, and I implicated myself in too many collaborations that didn’t always serve the collaboration or best support the collaborator. So I learned a lot about my capacity, and how I over relied on my capacity to get things done, rather than to take more time to better define certain aspects of relationships, responsibilities, and processes. But it wouldn't have been “The Possible” without a kind of ‘fuck it, let’s go’ attitude. I was just reflecting with artist Drew Bennett, who contributed the outdoor shower zone, on how we are coming up on the ten-year anniversary, I think my brain is just about healed, perhaps it’s time to try it again?
Studio AHEAD: I want to end at the beginning: when we first met at the Truffle Man opening, where you were DJing. Do you view dance parties as an extension of your curatorial work?
David Wilson: I certainly do! Though I like to think of my curatorial work and my work as an artist as pleasantly blurred. At one point during “The Possible,” Larry Rinder asked if I considered the show an exhibition or an artwork, which hit on a nice note for me to think about. So yes, as an artist, organizing gatherings has always been central to what I want to make and what I want to contribute to this place. In the past, I have had more time and energy to explore all the many forms of gatherings and playful reasons to bring people together, but as I have gotten older and operate with perhaps a more streamlined set of needs for my time, I’ve honed in what feels like a truly essential reason to come together, which is dancing. I like to shake it out, and I like to see people shaking it out together.  
For me, finding special spaces that bring sparks to the gathering continues to be a big inspiration, letting the environment and the situation be a major character in how we feel being brought together. So most of the dance parties I have helped organize follow that thread, where the place comes first. As you said, we connected at a chocolate factory, dancing in a courtyard in West Oakland. That was a nice one!
I started DJing when I was around twenty, always with the intent to get people dancing. As a kid, from around second grade and on through high school, I was a big mix tape maker. I loved planning it out on paper, getting the construction and movement of songs just right. I would make these cassettes seasonally, I still have that collection actually. So DJing is that same instinct played out in real time, responding to a crowd, constructing a movement of songs, which if done well enough, builds heat on the dance floor and takes people on a little boogie journey. Planning parties, DJing, all these layers to tune into in teasing out the right mixture of a situation, makes me think of your first question about the parts and the whole, microcosms of small choices contained within a whole situation, which in the end releases it from your hands. I guess I like to set things up to see what happens.
Photos by Ekaterina Izmestieva
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daijoboob · 3 years
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wassup wlws and treasured allies. heres the wilw redraw that i started/dropped back in august, freshly polished for @diakkoday​ :^)
elapsed time: 15 hours? 17?? i lost my sense of time in the lining process
(click on the images for higher quality!)
LOTS of notes and bonus art (including old drafts :o) under the cut!
most important business is up first! this is the last intensive lwa piece that i intend to produce for the foreseeable future. i burned myself out on drawing the girls way back in dianakko week, and then again last month. 
while i (accidentally,,) paced myself for this one, i’m not quite feeling it anymore. i don’t know when i will be next, or frankly if at all. rebounding back into the fandom at all was a big quarantine induced surprise in itself. which is all to say- sorry if you were looking forward to more lwa from me :(
for the moment, i’m posting a whole lotta love live, personal pieces, and likely some other fandoms. please hang around for that if you’re interested!
NOTES:
i am aware that accidentally made diana’s face too ikemen >>; i intended to redraw it every time i popped open the doc, and forgot every single time. 
i opted not to use a harsh lighting layer for this! just a gradient overlay (specific layer effect: add). i felt like hard lighting would take away from the cartoony vibe.
the lining took so long. every couple of weeks i’d just pop open the doc, slog through a couple lines, and close it indefinitely. i wanted so badly to not have to deal with the anatomy but we managed it ok bros
a lot of time was also dedicated to cleaning the lines. i’d taken so long to finish it that i figured i might as well make it just, way too polished 
i wasn’t sure whether or not to keep the colored lines! i like the version with black lineart just about equally. colored lines feel more polished to me, but maybe it could use the extra contrast haha.
i was very tempted to change the color palettes- particularly in switching diana’s shirt to a blue, like i did with the face paint. 
the last image is a reference to a meme that circulated back when the toh episode aired! i’d love to give credit to the original creator, but have completely lost track of it. if anyone recalls the link and can shoot it over that’d be very appreciated :)
lotte is a national treasure and i love her to bits
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this is what the bg looks like! i rendered it just enough for it to look full with all the layers up. this was the quickest part of the process hands down- completed it start to finish in ~1.5 hours. because i rendered diakko+lotte in harsh solid lines and shading, i wanted the bg to be soft and fuzzy. ideally the contrast between the foreground and background coloring would be stronger, but i gave up trying to figure that out lol.
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the og sketch!! when i was putting together this post, i did a handful of screencap redraws and saw what stuck.
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more of those sketches! i liked how diana turned out :^)  you can see that i still wasn’t sure how much of the toh style to integrate at this point!
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figured i might as well stick the other sketches from diakko week in here as well! the latter two led to this and this respectively. i switched to diana not Doin Too Well with scary movies purely because i thought it was funnier lmao
and that’s it! thanks for reading through if you did. i thought about not doing this at all, but i find others’ artist notes really interesting and figured some of you might as well.
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sundaysundaes · 3 years
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Spectra
Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader/Female OC | Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff | NC-17 | Soulmate AU, Childhood-Friends-Become-Lovers AU
The second part of Monochrome. Read the epilogue here.
Summary: Lee Donghyuck once believed in the concept of soulmates—how fate would connect a red thread from one lover to another, in a form of dreams and memories. That was how his parents met, that was how they claimed their happiness, and he wanted nothing more but to live his life the way they lived theirs. Until one day, as he sees her slipping away from his hands, he has no choice but to stop believing entirely.
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Donghyuck woke up with his heart in his throat. His eyes, as they bore into the ceilings of his room, swallowed by the darkness, were shaking in both fear and rapture. Two things occupied his mind, forcibly pushing his other thoughts away and rendered them pointless.
First, he knew it wasn’t just a dream. Like what she’d previously mentioned, it felt nothing like a dream. He was completely aware of everything, perfectly sane, and could thoroughly remember every detail, every scene, every word that she said even after he woke up.
Second, he was certain that it was a memory, and although he was in it, he knew it was her memory and not his, because there were parts of it that felt vague to him before but were crystal clear now as he saw it through her point of view. He had his first soulmate dream, there was no doubt about it.
So that brought him to the next question.
Why did he dream about her? She’d found her soulmate, hadn’t she? And she had explicitly stated many times that her soulmate was not him, but a complete stranger—one that she only knew by his face and not his name. So, wasn’t he supposed to be connected to someone else—to see someone else’s memories?
He leaned up, sitting on his bed with his elbows sinking into his thighs, his fingers yanking at the roots of his hair. “Fuck, I don’t get it,” he whispered to himself, feeling a little bit lightheaded from all these unsolved questions swirling in his brain. “Am I her soulmate? Do I still have the chance to be with her?”
But even a chance would be enough, he soon decided. Even just reliving her memories every night, knowing her better, seeing her longer, that would be enough reasons for him to continue with his hope.
Perhaps, he could believe in soulmates for a little longer.
There were a few short memories he saw in his first soulmate dream, most of them were from her childhood days which made him feel content to the point he wanted to never wake up because these flashbacks always had him in them. He was an integral part of her childhood memories, the one who shaped her into the person that she was now.
But the memory that shook him the most was the memory of the time they went to the beach during their summer vacation with his family. Donghyuck watched himself sneak out of their cottage in his grey hoodie placed underneath a beige varsity jacket. He saw a few months younger version of himself, grinning from ear-to-ear, as he shouted in whispers.
“Come on, Noona, hurry up!”
“Haechannie, it’s two in the morning!”
The sight of her had always warmed his heart, but in this dream he was having, her beauty seemed almost ethereal as if her entire being was a piece of art with the sole purpose of being loved and admired.
“Which is the more reason why we should hurry up before they find out, Noona, for God’s sake, come on!” He grasped her by the wrist, yanking her forward so he could close the door behind her. They stepped down the stairs in a hurry, their flip-flops making creaking sounds on the wooden surface.
“If your mom finds out and she—” She abruptly ended her sentence with a yelp as she tripped on her feet, clutching her arms around his shoulders for balance, pressing her chest involuntarily against his back. The boy threw a glance over his shoulder, clearly enjoying the way she had her arms wrapped tightly around his body. Smirking suggestively, he cooed, “Baby, you’re so aggressive. At least, buy me dinner first.”
“Asshole.” She retracted her hands at once, shoving him harshly until this time, he was the one who tripped down the stairs, falling face-first on the ground, inadvertently swallowing some sand into his mouth. She concealed her marbled teeth with her fingers as she giggled at the sight, but began to run for her life when he growled, “I’m going to kill you,” and chased after her trails with his arms reaching out to catch her.
The reason they had their feet dipped in the sand at two in the morning was simply because Donghyuck couldn’t sleep at the sight of her curling beside him on the thin mattress that was laid out in the living room. The cottage only had three rooms, one was used by his parents, another one was supposed to be used by her and his twin sister, and the last one was for him and his two younger brothers to snuggle up together in a cramped bed. But Donghyuck had insisted to sleep outside so he could watch a movie before bed and his parents didn’t mind, even if his neighbor ended up joining him in the middle of the night upon his request.
So when she fell asleep next to him, her face almost sinking into the crook of his neck, and her hand laying on his stomach, mistaking him as her usual body pillow, Donghyuck had to distract himself before he thought about doing something sinful. So he shook her by the shoulder, told her to wipe the drool away from her face, and asked her to follow him outside, mentioning that he suddenly had the urge to stargaze. And although a train of complaints kept tumbling down her lips, she followed—she always did, no matter where he led her to.
“What are you doing?” He questioned the girl who stood next to him, looking like she wanted him to do something. “Sit down next to me, come on.”
“I’m waiting for you to be a gentleman.”
“What?”
“Aren’t you supposed to lay down your jacket on the ground so this lady right here won’t have sand on her shorts? You’re wearing two jackets, after all.”
“Yeah, but not for you to sit on it.” Donghyuck, who had already sat down on the damp sand, rolled his eyes. “You watch too many dramas. Guys don’t do that in real life.”
“It’s you who don’t do that.” And with pouty lips, she quietly added, “Jaemin did that for me.”
“I heard that.”
“I wanted you to hear it.”
“And so how are things going on with this Jaemin so far? Is he still giving you sloppy blowjobs on the weekends?” He faked a gasp, one hand covering his mouth for dramatic effect. “Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot he broke up with you.” A cheeky grin crawled up his face. “On. Your. Fucking. Birthday.”
“Whatever.” She blushed. “At least, he’s hotter than you’ll ever be.”
He seemed more annoyed than he should, and she was on the verge of thinking whether her joke was going too far but Donghyuck exhaled loudly into the air, standing up on his feet again and tore his varsity jacket off his body. “Here,” he said, as he spread it out on the ground. “Your majesty.”
“Why, thank you, my prince.” She giggled, plopping down on the sand. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
And they ended up throwing playful kicks and punches to each other again like the other million times they did, before they finally laid side-by-side on the sand, sweaty and out of breath.
“Haechannie.”
“What?”
“Do you think we'll still do this after we get married and have kids?” She asked, gazing at the stars that gleamed radiantly in the black night sky.
“Us?” Donghyuck rubbed his nose, a speck of sand making his skin itchy. “Like, in bed? Well, I don’t know about you, but I think I might be into rough sex, but maybe after a few years deep into our marriage so you won’t—”
“Not us getting married, you idiot!” She grappled another handful of sand, threatening to throw it on his face but Donghyuck already had his arms raised in surrender. “I mean, do you see us hanging out like this when we already have our own families to think about?”
“I don’t like to think too much.” He nonchalantly shrugged. “It’s still way ahead in the future. I’d probably die an early death from being too rich and handsome, anyway.”
“You’d die from being too dumb.”
“I was talking about me, not you.” He swatted her hand away when she was about to shove him in the chest. “Speaking of getting married, why don’t we make a pact?” Though his heart was racing a bit faster, he kept his lopsided grin intact as they shared eye contact. “If, after we turn eighteen, we end up having no dreams of our soulmates, why don’t you and I get together?”
She unexpectedly blurted out laughing. “I can understand if you think that there’s a chance of me not having any soulmate, but the chance of me not finding anyone more decent than you as my husband? How dare you, Lee Donghyuck.”
“I’m just saying,” he repeated, turning on his stomach. “If by the time we turn thirty or something we still haven’t found anyone, why don’t you and I get married?”
“I thought we’ve promised somewhere along the way in our poor little friendship that we’d never talk about this again?”
“I think we’re mature enough to have this conversation by now. So, what do you think?”
She was still on the verge of laughing. “What I think about what, Haechannie, you’re being absolutely crazy and embarrassing—”
“Why is it so hard for you to just say yes and marry me?” He insisted, holding back a laugh himself because her smile was so contagious. “Is it seriously that gross for you to think of me as your husband?”
“It’s not that, it’s—Oh my God, okay,” she finally gave in, heaving the heaviest sigh before she sat up properly and turned toward him. “Look, you’re not exactly the most romantic person out there.”
“Hey,” he pouted, scowling a little. “I can be romantic. You just don’t know it yet because you’ve never seen me on a date.”
“Yeah? Then try me.”
“Try what?”
“Be romantic. Do something that can make my heart flutter for you, oh my mighty prince,” she jeered, throwing a challenging, mocking smile at him. “If you can make my heart skip a beat, I’ll marry you.”
He scoffed. “Man, I know you’re shy but you don’t have to challenge me with this pathetic dare if you want to marry me that bad.”
She stood up immediately. “I’m leaving.”
He was chuckling as he captured her by the wrist. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, wait.” He tapped his chin, nibbling slightly on his bottom lip. “Let’s see… What should I do…. What should I—oh!”
She raised an eyebrow, seeing him stand up on his feet. “What are you doing?”
“I’m gonna take you dancing.” He offered her his hand and she stared at it with reluctance written in her eyes before she sighed and took it. He pulled her abruptly with all his strength to make her stumble on her feet, but he caught her just in time by circling his arms around her waist, leading her close until they’re chest-to-chest.
“Blushing yet?” He teased, smirking.
“I’m starting to think this is a bad idea,” she flatly said, pushing him away but he took her hand and placed it on his shoulder. “What are you doing?”
“As I said,” he paused, taking his phone out of the pocket of his jeans and running his thumb along the screen. He chose one of the acoustic songs in his music playlist—Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud which made her scrunch her nose in protest—turned his speaker to the highest volume and hid the phone in the pocket of his hoodie. “I’m gonna take you dancing.”
She snorted but followed his lead, landing both of her arms on his shoulders. “Why am I not surprised that your song choice is something from Billboard’s Top Twenty?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I left my compilation of classic slow dance songs back at my house, along with my ballet shoes and my tutus.”
She narrowed her eyes at his sarcasm. “Okay, Ed Sheeran it is then.”
The first half of the song went by in what felt like hours to her from all the tension that arose between them. While she moved rather awkwardly, trying to match how his body slightly swayed from one side to another, Donghyuck smiled, softer than she could even begin to imagine, and gently asked, “Can I move closer?”
She could faintly feel his breath on her face even in their current position, but she gave a weak nod and answered, “S-sure.”
Donghyuck held back a grin. “Was that a stutter?”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I do stutter from time to time, idiot. Everyone does that.”
“Okay, okay, geez. Cranky, much?”
“I’m just not sure if—” she took a sharp intake of breath when he suddenly leaned closer, his lips almost grazing against hers before he pulled away to give very little space between them. “You’re not playing fair,” she whispered, trying not to focus on his lips.
His eyes were half-lidded as he took in her features. “You didn’t make any rules.”
“I hate you.”
“Man, I was hoping you’d feel otherwise, but,” he guided her hands so they could circle themselves around his neck, as he moved his own lower on her body, resting on each side of her waist. “I only just started, so…”
She was breathing a little heavily, but not expanding the space between them, afraid to lose the game. She didn’t want to give him any more reason to ridicule her. “Right, so, what’s next? Because you’re not making me feel anything with this, Haechannie.”
He slowly brushed her bangs away from her eyes, his fingertips grazing against the soft skin of her temple. “Have I told you about the day when I realized I love you?”
That question almost rendered her frozen on her feet, but she caught herself at the last second. “A pick-up line?” She tried to pretend it didn’t have any effect on her by scoffing out loud. “Seriously?”
But Donghyuck was not laughing nor reciprocating in any teasing manner. His eyes were dark and deep, with all kinds of emotions swirling behind them. The tone he was using when he spoke his next words was filled with nothing but sincerity and candor.
“Maybe I’ve loved you since the first time we met, but…” He added a small chuckle as if he was shy and she wondered since when did he become such a good actor? “I guess I was too young, but I do remember that one time when I saw you and I thought,” he exhaled, reaching up a hand to cup her cheek before he pressed his temple against hers, “God, I gotta have her.”
She gulped hard, feeling her breath hitched in her throat. She just hoped he wouldn’t notice.
“You were wearing this beautiful red dress that I’d never seen you worn before, but it wasn’t just how pretty you looked that caught me off guard.” His words didn’t have as much effect on her as the tender way he regarded her with his deep, brown eyes, just utterly mesmerized by her everything. “It was the way you call my name with that adorable shy smile on your face, asking me about how you look and I just….” He leaned down so they’re eye-to-eye, with his fingers holding her face and his thumb caressing her cheek. “I just thought that maybe I want to keep you for myself. I want to hear you say my name, to show me that smile again, over and over—every day, for the rest of my life. I don’t want you to belong to someone else. I want to be the only one you can think about, both in your reality and your dreams.”
As if she was being hypnotized, her eyes began to solely focus on the way his mouth was shaping praises and terms of longing.
“I’ve never seen you as a friend, or a sister.” He was so close, so warm, so intoxicating. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything—anyone—as much as I want you now and it fucking hurts to hear another guy’s name escaping your lips because I just really…” He sighed. “Really want you for myself. All of you. Your kindness, your warmth, your crazy bedhead, your stupid, silly grin whenever you won a game against me. I want everything, and I need you to feel the same way, to need me as much as I need you.”
“Haechannie, I—”
“Listen, Noona.” His voice sounded both pained and desperate. “I know you don’t feel the same way, you don’t have to tell me that but I just—I want to be selfish, even more than I already am, and let you know just how much I want to be with you,” his other hand traced along the dip of her spine, “and hold you,” the fingers that were cupping her cheek were now holding her by the chin, his thumb running along her lower lip, “and kiss you…”
She unconsciously parted her lips, perhaps putting her best effort to find her words but failed every time and the temptation that he felt to replace his finger with his own lips on her was too overwhelming so before anything went wrong, he pulled back and loudly yelled, “Okay, cut!”
The sudden loss of his touch on her body didn’t feel as disheartening to him as the look he saw on her face, and maybe the way the moonlight shone across her features was playing tricks on him, because she seemed… disappointed that he stopped.
Maybe she just got carried away with the moment. Or maybe she could tell that he was being honest the whole time, knowing that it was an actual confession rather than another crazy antic of his. And maybe she was about to give him the chance, to actually look at him in the same way he looked at her, to feel the way he felt about her, and…
And he ruined the moment.
“N-Noona?” He started when she fell quiet, hiding her eyes behind her bangs. “Are you—”
“It’s getting late,” she suddenly mentioned, bending down to grab his varsity jacket from the sandy ground and harshly pushed it toward him. “Let’s get back to the cottage. We need to catch some sleep.” And as she walked off, not glancing back to see whether he was following or not, Donghyuck noticed how red her face was even when there wasn’t enough lighting around them.
As a bystander in this memory, eighteen-year-old Lee Donghyuck felt a hollow forming inside his chest, swallowing his presence one-by-one until he ceased to exist because as he relived the situation for the second time in his life, he knew how badly he had screwed everything up. He had turned his honest confession into another teasing joke because he just wasn’t brave enough to take the risks—to tell her his actual feelings in fear of ruining the bond that they already had. He saw the look on her face vividly this time, and it wasn’t pure rejection. He had a hope, she was about to give in, and he lost his chance.
And now, as she fell harder for the stranger she met in her dreams, Donghyuck was nothing but a memory—one that she’d bury at the back of her mind, one that she’d pretend to never have existed in her life.
“You’re a fucking idiot, Hyuck,” he muttered under his breath before he blinked himself awake.
***
“Haechannie! Are you up yet?”
Donghyuck could hear a clanking sound on his window, perhaps from small rocks hitting the glass. Rubbing the headache away from the back of his head, he stepped down from the bed, taking heavy steps to greet the person standing on the other side of the window.
“Morning, sleepyhead,” his neighbor chirped with an excited smile, leaning half of her body forward, crossing over her window frame. He noticed how her eyes took a quick detour on his body, as he was not wearing any shirt, but she tried to act nonchalant about it. “A lady is gracing you with her presence, so get dressed.”
Usually, he would’ve said something flirty along the line of “But isn’t this how I always look like in your dreams?” But this time, he kept himself quiet, only sighing to himself as if he had troubles that he couldn’t talk about.
And she noticed. She always did. “Are you okay?”
“Just had a bad dream.” He shrugged, feeling sleepier than before he went to bed.
“I’m guessing, you haven’t met your soulmate yet?”
He hesitated. “Well, I saw you.”
She blinked, a bit startled, but she promptly laughed it off. “Right, must have sucked then. You were waiting for a pretty stranger and I popped out instead. Sorry about that.”
He tapped his fingers against the railing, somewhat agitatedly and impatient. “Noona, about last night when we accidentally kissed. Did it… make you feel something?”
He swore, she almost fell to the floor out of shock. Blood was rushing to her face, making her incoherent. “What—why—I thought we were going to pretend it didn’t happen—”
He knew it was probably a bad idea to question all this, but if he did have the chance to be with her, no matter how small it is, if she really did feel the same way, he had to know. He couldn’t make the same mistake again.
“I thought about your reaction after that kiss. I just want to know whether it made you feel something.” He was gripping the railings by then, sounding desperate, craving for her honesty. “Something about me.”
She sputtered, mouth gaping as she was rendered speechless. But before she could react any further, they both heard her mother calling her name. Donghyuck regarded it as a distraction, but to her, it was a lifesaver. Speaking in a sense of urgency, she said, “I gotta go.”
“Noona—”
“Haechannie.” The tone she was using was definite, not wanting to hear more words from him. “I think we should stop talking about it, especially when we’re a step closer to finding our soulmates.”
He frowned, feeling as if he just got impaled. “What are you—”
“I know his name now.” A weak smile appeared on her face. “I heard someone calling his name in my dream last night. That was what I was going to tell you.”
It appeared again, the hollow inside his chest, and it grew even bigger, sucking every part of him like a black hole. “So you’re going to pretend nothing happened between us?”
“Yes, because nothing happened between us,” she professed. “It was just an accident, Haechannie.” She seemed exhausted, almost as if answering his question was draining her physically. “None of us wanted that kiss to happen.”
Donghyuck glanced away, giving her the cold shoulder. “Sure. Whatever.”
She sighed, tired of his behavior. “Look, maybe you’re just confused because of everything that happened last night, what with us spending time alone holding hands, me giving you that locket with those words—maybe we crossed the line and I apologize for that since half of it was my fault. But whatever it is that you think is happening between us will disappear the second you meet your soulmate in your dream,” she claimed, using a tone like how a mother would console her crying child. “I don’t ever want to be apart from you but if being with me makes you feel awkward and uncomfortable, maybe it’s best if we keep our distance for now?”
He gaped, his heart almost leaping out of his chest. “No! That’s not what—”
Her mother’s voice rang through the air again, making her flinch. “Look, I really gotta go,” she softly said with a timid smile. “We’ll talk later?”
And before he could answer, she already stepped away from her window. She didn’t look back until she had her fingers curving against her doorknob. “Oh, and umm,” she paused, looking unsure before she looked sideways. “His name is Mark Lee, my soulmate. Just thought you should know.”
And she left, trampling on his heart with every step she took.
***
There was an invisible wall between them, and no matter how hard Donghyuck tried to tear it apart, it wouldn’t budge so instead of fixing things, he decided to give her the time and space she needed.
Because what else could he have done? She had already rejected him before he could even confess properly—or for real, this time around. It was as if she was scared to give in to her feelings, which made him feel even more confident that she had felt something for him. She was just too lost in this whole soulmate concept that it blinded her entirely, while he, on the other hand, had begun to stop believing in it and dwell himself deeper in reality rather than his dreams.
But when one of his bandmates, Lee Jeno, announced that his cousin was going to come in to temporarily fill the position of lead guitar player in their band, Donghyuck had no other choice but to believe that fate did take part in connecting a red thread from one lover to another. Because, standing in a pair of jeans and a black shirt with his eyes half-covered by his white snapback, was Mark Lee—her soulmate.
Donghyuck could tell that he was the same Mark Lee she mentioned because he had seen her drawings of him. It had taken her weeks before she could finish his sketch, drawing him solely based on the memories she had witnessed in her dreams and though it wasn’t a hundred percent accurate, she did manage to sketch his distinct features—his prominent cheekbones, his thin, curvy lips, his wide, doe eyes.
The sight of him, standing just two meters away from him, sent chills down his spine.
“Hey guys,” Mark said, giving them a tentative smile. Even his awkwardness looked exactly the way she described him to be.
“This is Lee Donghyuck, our vocalist.” Jeno introduced him, “He’s an ass and you’ll probably get into a fight with him sooner or later—we all did—but after that, he’ll get all clingy to you. Just a heads up so you won’t be surprised and end up leaving the band before the gig.”
Mark laughed at that, friendly and warm, and it set Donghyuck’s heart ablaze for an entirely different reason. It was the first time he met him and yet he already despised everything that he was.
“It’s weird,” Mark said, offering his hand for a handshake. “I thought your friends call you Haechan too.”
Donghyuck froze, almost losing his grip on his phone. “What?”
Mark blinked, the realization hit him like a wave when he looked around, noticing everyone looking at him with furrowed eyebrows and questioning eyes. “Oh, I mean,” he panicked, “I-it’s nothing. I was just talking to myself. I’m weird that way.”
“Don’t worry, bud,” Jeno said, picking up his bass. “We’re all a bunch of freaks here. That’s why we get along.”
Mark smiled but seemed more like a grimace. He turned toward Donghyuck again. “Sorry about that. Nice to meet you, Lee Donghyuck. I hope we can be friends.”
Donghyuck took his hand but wished for the exact opposite.
***
“Do you have some time to spare, Donghyuck-ah?”
Donghyuck already knew who it was without having to glance up from his phone screen. It wasn’t because Mark’s voice was distinct to his ears, it was simply because his voice and the way he said his name as if they were best friends irked him so much.
“No,” Donghyuck answered, tapping his thumbs rapidly to earn another high score on the game he was playing. He was squatting down on the ground with his shoulders slouched forward. They just finished having their third band practice in the same studio that week, and although he was drained to his boots, Jeno kept insisting to have another practice so they wouldn’t embarrass the shit out of themselves when they performed as the opening act at prom.
Mark laid his guitar case against the wall before he took a seat next to him in the alley that stood behind their music studio. “Well, you look like you do, so I’m just gonna sit here and ask you something.”
Donghyuck scoffed. “You’re actually pretty annoying, aren’t you?”
“I’m sorry. I know you don’t like me—”
“I dislike people in general, so don’t consider yourself special.”
Mark seemed amused at his words which pissed him off even more. “I know we just met for a few days and it’s probably better for me to leave you alone—”
“And yet, here you are, talking to me when I’m trying to finish this fucking game.” He moved his thumbs more frantically than before, making Mark worry that he was going to break his phone screen, and stopped when the game ended with him winning second place. “Look what you’ve done. Happy now?”
“I thought that was a pretty high score.”
“That was the lowest score I’ve ever achieved in my life.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Just fuck off, Mark.” Even when his tone sounded final, Mark did not budge.
“I promise I’ll leave you alone after this, but I just really need to ask something first,” he said, slightly forcing the other man to look at him by placing an arm on his shoulder. “I see you a lot in my dreams.”
Donghyuck knew exactly what he meant, but he wasn’t going to dwell himself in it. “Sorry, dude,” he uttered, slapping his hand away. “I’m not gay.”
“No. That’s not what I meant.” Mark had the bravery to laugh about it. “You’ve heard about the soulmate dream, right? How you could see your soulmate’s memories—”
“Yeah, I’ve heard about it and I’m also not interested.” He stood up, tucking his phone back to the pocket of his jeans, and leaned sideways to grab his backpack. “I’m leaving.”
“Please.” Mark stopped him by wrapping his thin fingers along his wrist. “Please help me. By your reaction, I know she’s told you about me and I want to find her—I need to find her. I just don’t know where to start. I don’t even know her name.”
“Well, it’s not my fucking problem, is it?” Donghyuck harshly pulled his wrist away, stomping his feet on the pavement, away from the other man.
Mark stood up, desperation sounding thick in his voice. “Can’t we just—Donghyuck-ah!”
“Fuck off, Mark.”
“You love her, don’t you?”
That stopped him in his tracks, making him turn on his heels, hissing, “Excuse me?”
Mark fidgeted slightly, swallowing his breath. “You’re acting this way because you love her. More than a friend. That’s why you don’t want to help me.”
He had earned his whole attention now. “The reason why I’m not helping you is simply because you’re a fucking stranger who’s looking for ways to get into my best friend’s pants.”
“I’m not—” Mark blushed. “Listen, I’m just trying to find my soulmate. I know she’s looking for me too. I’ve seen her memories. I’ve seen you spending a lot of time with her too. I won’t be surprised if you end up having feelings for her—”
Donghyuck almost bared his teeth. “Shut up.”
“But she’s not your soulmate, so—“
“Shut the fuck up!” It happened so fast for Mark’s eyes to catch, but the next thing he knew, Donghyuck’s fingers were fisting the collar of his shirt, slamming his body against the wall and Mark groaned lowly, feeling pain spreading like wildfire from the back of his skull.
“You don’t know anything about me, Mark Lee.” The way Donghyuck spat out his name was laced with nothing but venom. “And don’t you dare talk to me about this soulmate bullshit. Falling in love with a complete stranger just because you saw her in your dreams? Do you know how fucking ridiculous you sound in my head?”
Still wincing from the pain, he replied, “I saw the way you looked at her.”
“I don’t fucking care,” Donghyuck snarled, tightening his grip around the fabric of his shirt. “And if I were you, I would just fuck off and try my luck finding her somewhere else because I’m not gonna tell you anything. Do we have that clear?”
Mark didn’t say a word in response, but his eyes were locked into his. Donghyuck could see how they didn’t waver in the slightest, and the way Mark’s fingernails were sinking deep into his wrist let him know that this man could hold his own battle if needed.
Donghyuck released his hold with a hard shove, and Mark didn’t blink an eye even after knowing his strength.
“Just so you know,” Mark said, when Donghyuck began to step away, slinging his backpack to one of his shoulders. “She would’ve done the opposite for you. She would’ve helped you find your soulmate. But I guess, you already know that.”
Donghyuck stomped off, kicking a trash can on his way out until it toppled over to the ground.
***
Their next band practice was filled with nothing but severe tension between him and Mark, and Jeno had to sigh in exasperation every time one of them made a mistake and blamed the other for it.
“The two of you,” he said, scowling at the two boys who were still trying to murder each other with their glares. “Just go home. Now.”
And unlike Mark, Donghyuck didn’t hesitate—didn’t even try to reason. He just snatched his backpack and walked out the door, slamming his shoulder against Mark’s on his way out.
Jeno grimaced, probably imagining the trouble Mark had to bear while seeing him rubbing off the pain. “Remember when I told you he’s an ass?”
Mark timidly smiled. “Yeah.”
Donghyuck walked home with a sore throat and sweaty bangs. He was no longer as furious as before, but he had to make sure to push every thought of Mark away from his head if he wanted to spend the rest of his evening in peace. He was beyond exhausted and in desperate need of a good, warm shower. He glanced at the house he grew to be more familiar than his own, feeling disappointed that she wasn’t sitting on her porch, waiting for his arrival like usual though she would never admit that out loud.
Well, he should’ve seen that coming. After what happened that morning, he would’ve avoided him too if he was her. But almost a week had passed and they had no interaction, not even meeting each other by coincidence. And although she seemed fine with it, Donghyuck felt more than miserable.
God, if only I can stop missing her so much…
But he couldn’t, so he broke through her fence, and turned over the doorknob of her front door. “Auntie? It’s me. I’m coming in.”
The clicking sounds of footsteps meeting vinyl flooring had him excited in anticipation of her face and the shy, awkward smile she always threw whenever they had arguments a few moments before. But the one who greeted him was her mother, grinning widely at the sight of him as she wiped her hands on her apron.
“Ah, Hyuckie,” she squealed. “Glad you’re here, I was just making dinner. Wanna join us?”
“Oh, no thanks. I just ate something on the way back. Is she here?”
“She said she was heading to the park to draw something. It was hours ago, though. I’m also wondering why she hasn’t come home yet.”
“I see…” There was a knot in his stomach again, making him feel uneasy but he beamed at her again. “Well, I think she’ll be back soon but I’ll go search for her, just in case.”
She pressed a hand against her heart. “Aaw. Always being her knight in shining armor. She’s so lucky to have you.”
He blushed but covered it with a peal of bashful laughter. Saying his goodbye, he turned around to take his leave but she stopped him with a call of his name. “Yeah, auntie?”
“Have you heard…” She hesitated. “Have you heard about her soulmate?”
Donghyuck curled his fingers. “A little.”
Her eyes gleamed in sadness and, as much as Donghyuck hated to see it, sympathy. “Are you okay, Hyuckie? With all of this?”
Thunder roared inside his chest, making him stand still. “What—of course, I’m fine. I’m glad she’s having these dreams. She’ll probably gonna see him soon.”
And Donghyuck never pegged himself as an actor, but seeing how she gradually picked up her motherly smile back on her face and no longer staring at him as if one of his family members just died in such a tragic way, maybe he had a natural talent in lying about his emotions.
“I’m so glad you’re taking this well. I guess I’m not as sharp as I used to be.” She chuckled to herself, a bit diffident. “To tell you the truth, I was rooting for you to be her soulmate. You guys just look so adorable together, but maybe it’s weird for you since you probably think of her as a sister or something.”
“That’s right.” There was a crack in his voice, but he hastily covered it with another smile. “A sister.”
“Which turns out to be a good thing. Because if you love her that way but she’s not your soulmate then it’s going to be hard on both of you.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“You see, finding a soulmate is a rare, wonderful thing that can only occur once in a lifetime. It’s a sign from fate, and if you ignore that sign, if you don’t accept who your soulmate is and be with someone else, something bad will happen, either to yourself or to your relationship.”
“Something bad like what?”
“I don’t know, it just usually doesn’t work out.” She frowned a little bit, noticing how he seemed unusually invested with the topic. “It’s just a rumor, though, darling. So just take any of this with a grain of salt. No one can prove whether it’s true or false.”
“Of course, yeah.” He shook his head, taking control of himself. “Well, thanks anyway. I gotta go.”
“Take care, Hyuckie. And let me know when you start dreaming about your soulmate! I want to know who the lucky girl is!”
He waved a hand, replying to her with a smile but not promising anything.
***
It was already nightfall when he came to his senses, and he hadn’t found her no matter how many steps had he taken in the search of her presence. He had visited the park she often went to in her spare time, the garden near their houses, even the cafe where she once grew fond of. And yet, she was nowhere to be found.
He had tried to call her several times but they were always directed to her voicemails, and he grew even more anxious with more time passing by, worried sick of her well-being.
So when she finally walked past his house, carrying her sketchbook in her arms and a dazed smile on her face, Donghyuck nearly screamed.
“Where the hell have you been?!” He shouted, jumping off his porch and ran to her spot. She was startled, her entire body shaking by the sound of his voice. Her sketchbook slipped from her hands, meeting the cold hard ground that was slightly damp from the drizzle.
“You scared me,” she said, her hand going to her chest. “I was just from the park—“
“I was from the park and you weren’t there!” His eyes were scanning her profile, making sure she was fine. “Where have you been? Do you know how late it is?”
She frowned. “Why do you sound like my mother?”
“I’m not—” Donghyuck exhaled loudly through his nose, trying to collect himself. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“Well, I’m fine, so you can stop acting so weird.” She bent down to pick up her sketchbook, but he was faster. “Thanks.” She awkwardly smiled when he handed it to her, noticing how his fingertips brushed hers ever so slightly. “Have you been looking for me all this time? I thought you were avoiding me.”
“I thought you were avoiding me.”
There were a good few seconds of silence where they just gazed deep into each other’s eyes before they began to quietly laugh, exchanging sheepish smiles with knowing eyes. “I guess we avoided each other for nothing then,” she said, holding out her hand. “Are we okay? With everything?”
Donghyuck’s eyes were soft and longing as they peered into hers. He took her hand and pulled her forward until she landed on his chest, embracing her tightly with both arms. “We’re okay.”
“Good,” she lightly murmured, placing her chin on his shoulder as she tiptoed to match his height. “Because I’ve missed you, Haechannie. You and your whole stupid antics.”
It still felt awkward for him, and maybe for her too, to suddenly ignore their heated debate about the kiss they shared and the feelings they had for each other. And maybe they would fight about it again in the future, probably with him starting the fire the second he lost control of his emotions again. But he wanted to forget all of that for now, just for tonight, so he could focus on how perfect she felt in his arms, how both overwhelmingly intoxicating and comforting her scent was, and how nice it was to hear his name falling down her lips.
“I’ve missed you too, Noona,” he whispered. “You could’ve at least texted me where you were. I was worried sick about you.”
“Okay, that was what I was going to tell you.” She pulled away slightly so she could look at him with a pair of animated eyes. “I just went on a date.”
“A… date?” He shivered. “With who?”
“With Mark Lee.” Her cheeks turned rosy with her smile nearly splitting her face in half. “My soulmate.”
Donghyuck gaped, a spark of electricity running through his veins. “H-how?” He swallowed hard.
“A funny story, actually.” She shyly rubbed her nose. “I was trying to draw that pine tree near the pond—the one where we used to carve our names on—and I saw him passing by with his guitar case strapped to his back and a camera in his hand—just like the first time I saw him in my dream. And he saw me through his camera lens and then we were just staring at each other with our mouth wide-open, like can you believe it? It just happened out of nowhere. He noticed me at the same time I noticed him so he must have been seeing me in his dreams too.”
With more words falling from her lips, Donghyuck’s heart raced even faster. It was the first time in his life he ever felt terrified down to his soul. He felt weak, powerless and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t find a way to win against fate. He didn’t know how to defy his destiny.
Though she was an arm’s reach away, it felt like they existed in different universes.
***
It’s hard to pretend to be fine when deep down inside, you feel like drowning and Donghyuck knew how that felt first hand. She regularly came by to his room to say hello but she never laid herself down on his bed. She never touched his arms when she laughed. She no longer pressed her cheek against his shoulder when she felt sleepy. He could tell that she was trying to respect his feelings, not wanting to lead him further ever since that accidental kiss happened. She was trying to be cautious, to draw lines between them, so he’d know his boundaries and stay still on his place, and continue to regard her as nothing but a friend.
It was torture.
They no longer spent their nights together, with her making excuses about studying for her final tests and her college entrance exams. And Donghyuck didn’t mind, though his heart craved desperately for her attention because he couldn’t properly breathe whenever she was around. He felt like he was transforming into someone else, almost like a robot, that only smiled when she smiled and responded with words as little as necessary.
He continued seeing her in his dreams every night, and only then could he truly feel joy. Only then he could have the time to look at her face as long as he wanted. Only then he could hear her calling his name without inflicting some kind of pain in his chest. But even then, he still couldn’t touch her. Even then, she was still out of reach.
She was moving out of town before long, preparing herself to settle at her dorm before she started her first year in college.
“Hey,” Donghyuck softly called, as he leaned against her doorframe, watching her finish packing what was left in her room. It was unfamiliar, he thought, the sight of her room now that her novels were packed in boxes, her clothes were no longer hanging inside her closet, the posters of her favorite idols folded and unseen. It was only her scent that somehow still linger faintly in the air that seemed recognizable to him.
“Hi.” She smiled back, her shoulders going down in relief at the sight of him smiling sheepishly with his eyes peeking from under his bangs. “I was beginning to think that you wouldn’t come to say goodbye.”
“Of course, I would. I’m your best friend, aren’t I?”
“Well, I haven’t seen you in a while.” The way she said it, almost heartbrokenly, made his smile falter from his face.
“Yeah, sorry, I was…” He scratched his cheek. “Busy.”
She took a good look at him, not saying anything and it made him feel queasy. “I saw you on stage during your graduation,” he said, changing the topic. “You looked beautiful.”
“Why didn’t you come to say hi? I was looking for you.”
You did? “You seem occupied with your friends and family. I didn’t want to bother you.”
“Haechannie,” she sighed and he wondered what kind of mistake did he make with his words. “You’ll never bother me. I mean, yes, you bother me a lot as in you annoy the hell out of me but you never bother me with your presence. I missed you on that day. I’ve been missing you for the whole week. And I still kinda miss you now.”
He grew weak. “I miss you too.”
“Why do we keep saying these things when we literally live next to each other?” She chuckled but it sounded dry before she gave in to the silence again. “Are things… okay between us?”
He tried not to flinch. “Were things not okay between us before?”
“I don’t know, you were acting a bit weird after…” She knew the words, she just wasn’t sure whether it was wise for her to say them. “Well, after everything that happened. I just wasn’t sure how to approach you.”
“Yeah, sorry about that. I guess there were just a lot of things running through my mind at the same time.” He brought his head down, looking at his feet. “I’m okay now, though. And I hope we can go back to how we were.”
“Of course, Haechannie.” She stood up, opening her arms to him and he answered immediately, half-running to her spot before he circled his arms around her waist, pulling her close. She sighed the second their skins make contact with each other, exhaling in relief. “Please don’t ever give me the cold shoulder again. I can’t stand it.”
“Okay, okay.” He almost let his lips graze her temple as he spoke. Almost. “Do you want to go somewhere, just the two of us? You’re not leaving until tomorrow, right?”
“I won’t be leaving until next year if that’s what you want me to do.” She grinned childishly. “So take me away, Haechannie. I’m all yours.”
And although he mirrored her grin, his heart was shattering one piece at a time because he knew she only meant her last line as a fleeting joke, and yet he wanted it to become a promise made solely for him.
They tried to catch up as much as they could during dinner in the cafe that she loved so much. He hated the taste of their food—everything somehow felt either too sweet or too sour on his tongue—but he never mentioned it to her, not wanting to erase her happy grin whenever she took a spoonful of gelato into her mouth. Their conversations didn’t go as awkward as he had imagined, but it ended up with her asking more questions and with him only nodding or shaking his head in response. He tried to cover it up with smiles or waves of laughter, and noticing how she hadn’t complained about it so far, maybe he did a pretty good job of masking his feelings.
“It feels so good to have you back,” she said, hands buried deep in the pocket of her coat as she blew hot air into the cold weather, watching puffs of air forming in front of her lips.
They were walking back to their houses, matching their steps with one another with their voices being the only ones that could be heard within the neighborhood. It was late, and she knew she really should have gone to catch some sleep to wake up early on the next day but Donghyuck’s voice in her ears was soothing, making her long to hear more of it, especially when she knew, she wouldn’t be able to hear it again in a while.
Donghyuck sank half of his face behind his scarf. “I never left you, though.”
“Liar. You totally avoided me this whole time.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do? You kissed me and pretended it didn’t mean shit.”
“I kissed you?!” She gasped, blushing as she stopped in her tracks. “It was an accident!”
Donghyuck turned around, facing her. “It was still a kiss, nonetheless.”
They were walking on a thin rope. He knew it was a sensitive topic, and she also knew that it was best for them to avoid it but she was leaving on the next day and she couldn’t help but feel that he was still holding secrets from her. It was time for her to face this once and for all, so they could go back to the way they were before it was too late.
“What exactly do you want me to do about it?” She nervously asked, but tried to keep her voice steady. “I can’t exactly turn back time.”
Donghyuck’s eyes glinted mysteriously under the dim lighting of the streetlight. “You really want to have this conversation after what happened to us last time?”
“It’s not like you’re giving me any options. I just want us to be like how we used to, not with you acting all awkward and agreeing to every word I said.”
“So you noticed? I thought I was putting a good act.”
“Haechannie.” It was almost like a plead, the way she said his name. “I’m tired of seeing you like this. Like you’re in pain and I’m the one who caused it. So if you have anything to say, say it right now. What are you so upset about, exactly?”
He took his time contemplating, he really did, but he hadn’t finished thinking everything through before his emotions took control over him again, making him blurt out, “I don’t know, I guess I’m just pissed because you seem fine the next day after that kiss happened and I’m over here losing sleep still trying to sort out my goddamn feelings for you.” There was a pause, as he tried to catch his breath, but before she could form a response, he questioned, “Do you ever feel something for me, Noona?”
She swallowed. “I don’t know, I’m—”
“Be honest.”
Another pause, where silence struck like a hurricane. “Maybe I did have feelings for you in the past,” she finally admitted and his eyes gleamed in both joy and anticipation, “But even then, I wasn’t sure because we grew up together, Haechannie. We slept on the same bed, we even took baths together. I wasn’t sure of how I felt because I never had this kind of relationship with anyone before.” She sighed, rubbing the side of her temple. “And with you constantly making me confused on whether you had feelings for me or not also didn’t make this any easier for me.”
“What about now?” It was the question that mattered the most to him. “How do you feel about me now?”
“Haechannie—”
“No, listen to me.” He stepped forward, wrapping his lean fingers along her wrist. “Remember that time on the beach when you dared me to be romantic and I told you I loved you? I think you know by now that I wasn’t pretending that night—”
She averted her gaze, trying to pull her hand away. “Please stop—”
“Noona.” He cupped her cheeks with both hands, lifted her face so she could only look at him. “I still feel the same way about you. It never changed, no matter how hard I tried to ignore it because I cared about our friendship as much as you do, but—”
“Stop.” Lying a hand on his chest, she tried to push him away. “It isn’t right. You’re not my soulmate, we shouldn’t do this—”
“I don’t care about your fucking soulmate!”
The sudden roar that erupted from his mouth was echoing loud in her ears, making her freeze on her feet, with her hands shivering against his chest. She looked frightened and it tore him to pieces. Cursing under his breath, he stepped away, his skin no longer making contact with hers.
“I just…” He started and failed instantly, wanting to caress her cheek, embrace her to soothe her down but was too scared of startling her again. “What I want to say is that I care about us. I care about you more than I have ever cared about anyone else in my life.”
“I care about you too, Haechannie.” There was a quiver in her voice as if she was on the verge of crying. “I care so much about you.”
“Why does it feel to me like you’re about to contradict your own words?” There was no answer and the tension was so thick, it felt like he was suffocating. “I saw your reaction at that time when we were at the beach. I know how you wished parts of my confession were true and I’m telling you that all of it was—I meant every word I said that night.”
“Stop—”
“I love you, Noona,” he immediately said, before she took his chance in answering. “I really do, now more than ever. So if you still have feelings for me, please—”
“I don’t.”
Donghyuck’s jaw fell slacked on his face. “What?”
“I’m sorry, Haechannie. I’m sorry for leading you on, but I don’t. I don’t feel the same way.” She was looking everywhere but his eyes, her voice was clouded with emotions, becoming unclear as seconds went by. “I care about you and I do love you but only as a brother and a friend. I can’t give you more than that.”
He stood still in silence, clenching his jaws. “Can’t or won’t?”
“It doesn’t matter.” She shook her head frantically. “Look, we have soulmates for a reason. Even if we both give in and accept our feelings, what if it doesn’t work out?”
“I don’t care, I’m willing to try.”
“Well, I’m not. I care about our friendship too much. I don’t want anything to ruin what we have now. Especially after I meet my soulmate and you meet yours.”
Donghyuck could feel himself slowly withering away. “So you just want us to go back to how we were? After this?”
“Yes.” He didn’t have to see her to know she was spilling tears from her eyes. It was already spoken clear in her voice. “I-if that’s okay with you.”
And if he was much more mature, maybe he would’ve been able to let everything go. Maybe he would’ve been able to step forward and twist his fingers around the strands of her hair, cradling her gently in his arms and whisper, “Of course. I’ll always be here for you.” But that wouldn’t be him. And he was so tired of being someone else this whole time, trying to hide how he really felt for her.
So, underneath the darkness and the silence of the space that was hanging between them, he told her, “No, I don’t think we can go back to how we were.” And even as he watched her cry, covering the sobs that threatened to fall from her lips with her palm, he said, “I’m sick of pretending, Noona. So if I can’t have you that way, I don’t think I can be your friend and do nothing but sit there, watching you slip away into another man’s arms. I’m not as good of a person as you think I am. And as long as we’re both selfish with what we want—with you wanting to keep our friendship together and with me wanting you that way—this is as close as we can get.”
“What—” Her shoulders were shaking with every breath she took. “Why does it have to come to this—I—”
“Make your decision now.” His voice was loud and clear, making him surprised by how steady he sounded despite all the storms swirling in his chest. “Be with me or push me away. Your choice.”
Tears were spilling down her cheeks as her eyes grew wide, staring at him with parted lips but only whimpers could be heard. He knew how ruthless he was being, and he felt sorry for making her stand in this position.
So, with a heavy heart, he walked away.
***
Days passed by in silence, and they turned to weeks, and months, and when he finally had the bravery to reply to her words with sentences longer than, “I’m doing fine,” and “Sorry for the late response, I had things to do.” It was already several months after his graduation and he was moving out of the place he called home into his dormitory that stood hundreds of kilometers away from her place.
He was nineteen and she was twenty, and he had never loved anyone else while she was tangled deep in her lover’s arms.
And it was maybe his fault because he was the one who pushed her away. She’d asked him to take a day off college so they could fly back to their hometown and celebrate his birthday together but he declined, making random excuses that sounded like a train of lies to her ears but she took notice of his tone and forced out a laugh.
“Then maybe I’ll see you when my birthday comes up?”
“Sure.” But it wasn’t a promise. He thanked her for the present she gave him but ending his call shortly before she even asked about his day.
He sent her a birthday present—a book that she once loved to read as a child, but was thrown away by her mother by accident—and he received five missed calls from her and nine different texts, begging him to answer her calls but Donghyuck was busy burying his fingers deep inside his locks and yanking at the roots with one hand, and rubbing the unspilled tears from his eyes with his other one as he sat on the edge of his bed, swallowed by the darkness of his room.
And he began to fear the night when exhaustion would consume every part of his body and invisible hands began to press his eyelids down until he fell asleep and woke up in her memories. It was painful enough for him to not be able to see himself as often as he used to, and it was torture when Jaemin began to take his place, forcing Donghyuck to stand in the background and watch as he planted his lips on the pair that should’ve belonged to him. He had to hear her gasp Jaemin’s name between kisses, had to see her card her fingers through his sandy blonde hair, had to see her watching him with dazed eyes and swollen lips.
Donghyuck always willed himself to wake up and he found himself breathing hard when he did.
That night, another memory occurred and it was when she shared her first kiss with Mark. They were at her dorm, her roommate was away and she pulled him by the hand to walk deeper into her room. Mark seemed awkward, like how he always did, scanning the room and gulping as he noticed how the entire place smelled pleasantly like her.
“Coffee?” She offered, and he nodded. Taking a seat at the side of her bed, he played with his fingers, trying to hide the quiver that sparked in his fingertips. She joined him soon after with two cups of hot coffee on her hands, which he took with a grateful smile.
“Why do you look so nervous?” She questioned between small, shy giggles that wrenched Donghyuck’s heart from how much he missed hearing them.
“I’m not—it’s just—” Mark gulped, tapping his fingers anxiously against the cup. “It’s my first time being in a girl’s room.”
“Haven’t you dated anyone before?”
“I went on a few dates but nothing serious happened. And when I started seeing you in my dreams, I just stopped dating entirely.”
She was about to take a sip of her coffee but stopped mid-air, eyes unblinking. “You were waiting for me?”
He bashfully smiled. “M-maybe…”
Her eyes drooped down, a faint blush smearing her cheeks. She placed her cup down on her nightstand before she turned toward him again and pressed a gentle kiss on his cheek.
“What—” He sputtered, holding the side of his face, his round eyes turning even wider. “What was that for?”
But she didn’t reply. Instead, she leaned in for another kiss, and this time, he answered with his lips instead.
Donghyuck woke up with a pain in his chest, and he felt so sick, so disturbed, that he began to jump down his bed, startling his roommate who was deep in slumber. He snatched his jacket from the floor and closed the door behind him with a small thud. He needed to distract himself so he burst into the night air, not caring if the cold made his teeth chatter behind his lips.
***
His dreams, they became nightmares. And they didn’t stop even when he woke up. He was losing sleep and had the hardest time concentrating on everything. He was putting his best effort to move on, to forget about her existence entirely and he had been successfully avoiding her calls or her pleads to meet up every time a long holiday came up. But how could he forget about her when she kept showing up in his dreams, making him feel jealous, feel pained, with no way of stopping it?
It was a week before his birthday when his mother begged him to come home and celebrate it together with his whole family. Though he was reluctant to go, worrying that he’d probably see her on his way back, he eventually agreed to his mother’s wish. If they ended up meeting each other, maybe it was a sign for him to tell her about these dreams he’d been having of her and see how it would go from there.
It was raining, the third day he spent lounging on the bed in his room. It looked just about the same, but with fewer things and thicker specks of dust. And he kept his curtain closed, not wanting to look at the other side of his window.
A sudden ring of his iPhone sent jolts to his entire body.
It was from an unknown number. He usually wouldn’t respond to it, but there was something in his chest that told him to answer no matter what excuses he came up with.
He slid his thumb along the screen and pressed the phone to his ear, but he did not say a word, waiting for the other person to ignite the conversation.
“Haechannie. It’s me.”
He had a hunch who it was, but hearing the sound of her voice so close to his ear still almost sent him falling to his knees. The words I miss you, I’m sorry I’ve been trying to push you away, but I can’t pretend anymore, I miss you, I miss you so much, I’m going insane threatened to fall from his lips so he kept his mouth shut, not believing in himself just yet.
“I could tell how you wouldn’t pick up if you knew it was me, so I’m using a new number.”
“It’s…” He licked his lips, trying to tame his racing heart. “It’s been a while, Noona.”
“Don’t say that when you’ve been avoiding me for years, Lee Donghyuck. I know you’re home so let me in. It’s pouring outside.”
His grip tightened around his phone. “You’re… here?”
“Yes, idiot. Your mom told me last night that you’re here so I flew back the first thing in the morning to meet you. If you make one more excuse of not wanting to see me, I will literally climb up your wall and kick your window open myself, I swear to God.”
Donghyuck would’ve laughed because it was so her to say things like that whenever she got angry, but he was so overwhelmed with the thoughts of seeing her in person that he tripped over his own feet before he ran down the stairs.
The second he opened the front door and saw her standing on his porch, with her hair a little wet from the rain, all the air nearly left his lungs. She was still wearing her trench coat, a scarf around her neck with her suitcase stood idly next to her. He noticed that she must have returned straight back from the airport, not even spending a second resting in her own house when it was only a few steps away from where she stood.
“Can I come in?” She asked, trembling slightly from the cold. There was a huge urge to embrace her that he almost couldn’t control, to share his warmth and steal all the shivers away from her body. But he swallowed all of his feelings with a hard gulp, and stepped back to let her in with a small nod.
She closed the front door behind her, pressing her spine against it and they both waited in the silence of his house, expecting the other to strike a conversation but neither of them had the bravery to find a word. The ticking sound of the grandmother’s clock in his guest room was loud, matching the thundering sound of his heartbeat.
“Where are your family?” She eventually uttered, peeking at him from behind her bangs.
“Visiting my cousins outside of town.”
“Why didn’t you go with them?”
“Just didn’t feel like going so I told them I was sick.”
“I see…”
And silence struck again. It was so tense, the awkwardness between them and it was beginning to suffocate him. “Noona, I think—”
“Can I hug you?” She spoke in such a quiet voice, but it sent powerful vibrations down his spine. He was busy gawking at her, not sure how to respond and it didn’t matter, because she already took a few steps toward him, wrapping her arms around his neck and sinking her face deep into the crook of his neck.
Donghyuck let out a shaky breath, his arms still dangling weakly on his sides.
“Seems like you’ve lost some weight,” she spoke in whispers, her breath felt like fire on his skin. “Have you been eating well?”
It was hard trying to focus on her voice when the sound of his heart clamoring inside his ribcages was deafening in his ears. He only hummed in response, moving his hands slightly until they rested on the sides of her waist, tense and awkward.
“I really,” she breathed, her voice quivering. “Really miss you, Haechannie.”
It was all too much for him to bear, too many flashbacks, uncontrolled feelings, and hidden emotions washed over him at the same time, making him feel dizzy and emotive. So instead, he focused on what mattered the most. “You’re shivering. We should get you changed.” And he pulled away before she could reply. Noticing how the loss of their warmth on each other’s skin was as painful for her as it was to him, he offered his hand with a timid smile, which she immediately laced together with hers.
He guided her to his room and released her hand to rummage the inside of his closet, trying to find that particular sweater of his that she grew to be fond of. She slid open his curtain to brighten the room though it didn’t do much because the clouds were dark and thick, pouring heavy rain to the earth.
“Here,” he said, handing her his navy blue knitted sweater. “I’ll go outside so you can change.”
She grabbed him by his wrist before he stepped aside. “No, it’s fine, just—” She cleared her throat, didn’t dare to look him in the eyes. “Just turn around for a little bit.”
The old Donghyuck would’ve had a blast teasing her about this, so when he simply turned around, bringing his head down to stare at his feet while scratching his nape from being both shy and awkward, the feeling of loneliness began to consume her heart.
She was losing him. He wasn’t the person she remembered him to be.
“I’m done,” she called when she had finished changing her damp blouse into his sweater. The fabric fell loose around her body, its hem reaching to the middle part of her jean-clad thighs. “You can turn around now.”
Donghyuck slowly turned on his heels, but his eyes were looking everywhere but hers because he knew, once he saw her again wearing his clothing around her body like a lover would, he would lose his common sense.
“It feels familiar, doesn’t it?” She lightly laughed, trying to keep it casual but it felt strained. “I mean, us spending time in your room with me wearing your clothes.”
He tiredly smiled, leaning against the wall. “Yeah.”
“How was your birthday yesterday? I’m sorry for not sending you any present, I wasn’t sure you wanted to receive one from me... Did auntie make you a cake?”
“Yeah. It wasn’t good.”
She tucked a loose strand of her hair, wetting her lips. “You always said that, but you ate all of it.”
He wanted to sneak a glance at her, wanted to be captivated by her beauty just for a split second, but noticing it was best for him to stop. Otherwise, she’d entrap him again. “Yeah… I did.”
“Haechannie.”
“Hmm?”
“Can you look at me, please?”
He tightened his jaw, taking a few seconds in silence to prepare himself before he slowly looked up, peering at her features from behind his bangs.
He had seen her sad before—multiple times, in fact—but it was never like this. She never looked this heartbroken before, and he loathed the fact that, unlike any other times where she cried over anyone else, he was now the reason for such emotion to arise.
And maybe he looked the same to her, as she instantly grew speechless, her fingers tightening around the hem of her sweater. “How… are you?” She asked, and he knew that wasn’t the question she intended to say but maybe she was afraid and uncertain whether her words would inflict more sadness to his eyes more than she already did so far.
“I’m doing well.”
“Have you made any friends at your campus?”
“A few.”
“Ah… Great, then.” She was going insane, she could feel it, and when he never tried to spark a conversation like she did, she began to lose her patience. “Why have you been avoiding me?” Her tone somehow a tad colder this time around.
Donghyuck slipped his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You ignored my calls, you rarely replied to my texts—”
“Yeah, well, I was busy—”
“Two years, Haechannie. You had two fucking years to reach out back to me, and you’re simply telling me you were busy?! If you’re going to lie, lie better!”
“Well, you already have your whole life perfect without me anyway.”
Hot tears began to well in her eyes. “Do you not… need me anymore?”
He looked away, his chest suffocating. “You should leave. Get some rest. We’ll talk la—”
“Stop it!” She cried out, forcing him to look at her in the eyes by the desperate tone in her voice. “Stop acting like this! Stop pretending like you’re not hurting when you are just as much as I am!”
His eyes gleamed in the dim lighting of the room. “Why are you even here?”
She narrowed her eyes, trying to ignore the pain that was about to erupt from her chest. “Is it so wrong for me to see you?”
“I thought we’ve both decided that it’s best if we stay away from each other.”
“You decided.” It was both sorrow and anger that painted her voice. “You decided to stay away from me. I never wanted us to be like this. I’ve been trying to reach out to you and you pushed me away every time, so don’t you dare blame this on me.”
“What do you expect me to do?” He vocalized in outrage, his voice reverberating through the air almost as heavy as the storm that poured outside. “I revealed all of my feelings out to you, asked you to make a choice and you just stood there doing fucking nothing! How do you think that made me feel?”
She stepped back, her hand on her chest. “I—” She fumbled with her words. “It was all so sudden, I didn’t know how—”
“So sudden?!” He threw his head back in exasperation. “I have been trying to tell you that for years, Noona!”
“You flirted with me for years, that didn’t count as—”
“Well, I had to pretend everything was a joke because you always looked like you were seconds away from crying, afraid of ruining our friendship and it made me think that maybe you never really liked me that way at all! I don’t even know how you feel about me now because you’re never honest even with yourself.”
“I…” She nibbled on her lower lip, scared and anxious. “I don’t know whether I—”
“Of course, you don’t,” he spat out, scoffing loudly. “You never do. That’s what I fucking hate about you. You’re such a coward. You don’t want to be with me but you keep coming back to me, making me feel things I shouldn’t, making me yearn for you again when I literally spent every second of my life trying to forget you even exist. I had to watch you slip away from my arms twice as if it wasn’t enough for you to hurt me one time—”
“I never meant to hurt you—”
“But that’s all you fucking do!” Donghyuck unintentionally slammed the side of his fist against the wall out of sheer fury, making her take a step backward, terrified. “Do you know how much you’re driving me insane from seeing you here within my grasp but not having the right to touch you in the way I want to? Just how fucking selfish can you be?!”
Tears were forming in her eyes, but he wasn’t sure whether they emerged from sadness or anger. “I’m selfish?! I’m trying to do the right thing! You know how things can go bad if we ignore the signs and deny our soulmate, so even if I agree to be with you, what if things don’t work out and we end up—”
“I’m so fucking tired of soulmates.”
Donghyuck had her body pressed against the wall, his hand on her face and his lips on hers, meeting together in a heated kiss. She closed her eyes in reflex, her fingers clutching tightly to the fabric of his shirt, gasping into his mouth when he pressed harder. Donghyuck felt like a flame, scorching every inch of her skin that was connected to his and she let herself grow weak, succumbing to the fire that was about to devour her whole.
When he let go, the tip of his nose was still grazing against hers, his fingertips holding her by the jaw, while his other hand was secured tightly around her waist.
“I’m giving you another chance to make your decision.” He breathed out, hot breath caressing her skin. “Be with me or push me away. Your choice.”
Her eyes were half-lidded, her breathing ragged and Donghyuck could count her eyelashes if he wanted to. It was torture to keep this little space between them because to him, they were like magnets, both desperately drawn to each other, wanting to consume one another.
Maybe it was like that for her too, because when she took her next breath, she had her fingers around the collar of his shirt, tugging it down so their lips met once again in a searing kiss.
It felt complete—no, it felt more than complete. It made him feel infinite. Every touch, every gasp, every little whimper that came out of her mouth made him feel alive and he wanted more, he wanted everything. He wanted her.
And to her, she was drawn to him like a moth to a flame, and it didn’t feel like she was doing something sinful, something forbidden. Everything felt right, the way her body fit his perfectly, the way he moved his lips against her, with the touch of their tongues nearly sending her down to her knees.
“Haechannie,” she breathed heavily as he ran his lips down her jaw to her neck, before he moved back up again, melding their lips together because he couldn’t waste any second longer being apart from her.
The desperate call of his name rendered him powerless so he pressed himself against her harder, embracing her better so they could hold on to each other. And by the relieved sigh she made as she circled her arms around his neck, her fingers finding a home in his hair, she must have felt the same.
“I love you,” he murmured against the supple skin of her neck, making a messy ponytail out of her hair to expose more skin. “Fuck, Noona, I’ve never loved anyone else but you.” He lifted her body up the wall, leaving her with no choice but to tangle her legs around his waist for balance, his hands sliding dangerously along her thighs as she connected their mouths again.
Donghyuck’s voice was deep and hoarse, foreign to her ears but she loved it. She loved everything new she found about him, as much as she had loved everything about him in the past. She knew she wasn’t being fair; she knew it wasn’t a good idea to hold him like this, but it felt so terrifyingly good and there was not a part of her mind and body that shouted for her to stop. He was her puppet master, plucking on her strings, and she didn’t mind being tangled under his fingers.
She flinched when she felt him pressing his hips against her, pinning her against the wall and he noticed as she moaned a bit louder against his mouth, pulling a similar groan from the back of his own throat. The sound of her lustful cry made him go absolutely insane and not familiar with his own strength, he carried her to the bed, making her yelp in shock and wrapping her legs and arms around him tighter in the fear of falling.
But the way he laid her down on his bed was surprisingly gentle, sliding down a pillow underneath her head before he dipped his face down, pressing a warm kiss on her temple. The sudden change of pace made her blush, cheeks blooming red as she became conscious of how he gazed at her features—how the previous loneliness in his eyes was replaced with both felicity and uncertainty, asking for her sign to stop or continue with everything.
She swallowed her breath when he stood on his knees, pulling his shirt over his head, his silver necklace glinting faintly under the soft glow of thunder that flashed on the other side of the window. She flinched, not from the fear of lightning, but from the way his vulnerable eyes were filled with need and affection. She had once told him that Jaemin made her feel wanted—made her feel desired—and she thought that was really the case, until she saw the look Donghyuck gave her and suddenly everything that Jaemin did felt pale in comparison.
Donghyuck needed her like a drowning man needed air.
So when he bent down and kissed her again, she felt like he was unraveling her soul, stripping her naked both her body and her mind, and as if she was a blank canvas, he cast iridescence on her skin, drawing lines with his fingertips and painted a spectrum of colors with his lips.
As a man of passion, Donghyuck’s kisses were strangely tender but it elicited as much fire, if not more, as any fervent kisses she had ever shared with the other two men in her life.
“Noona,” he abruptly stopped, eyes unfocused as he broke away, expanding the space between them but only for a few inches. “You’re not regretting any of this, are you?” It was the question he’d been dreading to ask, but he had to before she ended up living with guilt. “I told you to make a choice before but…” He cupped her cheek, rubbing his thumb against her skin in such a soothing manner that she would’ve probably fallen asleep to it if her heart wasn’t racing like this. “But if you feel like this is not what you want, you can back out anytime. I’m not going to force you, and I’m not going to leave you even if you push me away now. I’ll still be your friend, I promise, so it’s okay.” He smiled but the only thing it conveyed was sadness. “It’s okay if you want to put an end to this. It’s okay if you don’t want to be with me. It’s your choice.”
She wasn’t sure why, but she felt like crying. “Well, I’m not okay with it.” She ran her thumb along his lower lip, in a paper-thin-like touch. “I think you’ve noticed by now that I…” It was too much. It really was too much for her to admit it without being flustered.
“Tell me,” he pleaded, gently taking her wrist when she was about to cover her face with her hands. “Tell me how you feel about me. Please.”
She shook her head, heart thumping loudly. “I can’t—It’s embarrassing. You already know how I feel anyway.”
“But I need to hear you say it.” He kissed her palm, leaning against her touch like how a little kitten would. “Please?”
Her voice was quivering when she spoke. “I love you, Haechannie.”
He’d heard her say those words many times in his life, but only now, they felt different in his ears. And almost like a prisoner being released from his chains, he nearly whimpered in bliss. “Y-you do?”
She shakily nodded her head once. “You were right. I’m a coward. I’m too afraid of losing what we have, not realizing that we can actually become so much more.”
He smiled, small but lovingly. “And it’s fine even if I’m not your soulmate?”
She was entranced with the way he kissed her fingertips one by one. “I don’t care.”
“I love you too, Noona.” His tongue was wet and slick when she felt it against her earlobe, his voice sounding dangerously close and sultry, even when his words were innocent. “You don’t know how glad I am to finally hear you say this. I’ve tried so hard to move on but I couldn’t. It’s just—for me—” his lips hovered above hers again, and she felt his whispers directly on her skin. “There’s no life without you.”
She carded her fingers through his hair, pushing back his bangs until she could gaze directly into his eyes. “There’s no life without you too, Haechannie.”
As they were connected, both their bodies and minds, it felt like nothing mattered anymore. They already had what they needed, already owned what they craved, already found what they were searching for. Donghyuck was sheathed deep inside her, his kisses were wet and languid, passion never dissipating no matter how many times he had tasted her.
It never felt unnatural, never felt awkward, and there were no uncertainties whenever their skin made contact. It was almost as natural as breathing, and though they needed more experience in some parts, they were already content with everything that they shared. Every breath, every gasp, every moan was sending heat to every inch of their bodies, making Donghyuck’s bangs stick with sweat and her cheeks reddening from his feverish touches.
When it finally ended, both still feeling lightheaded from reaching their highs, orgasms hitting hard like waves in a storm, Donghyuck was shaking, murmuring both expletives and praises against the skin that covered her heart, making her shiver.
“What is it?” She questioned tenderly, gentle fingertips caressing his cheekbone. “You’re trembling.”
But he didn’t answer, laying his head down on her chest, her heartbeat vocalizing faintly against his eardrums. He had never felt so happy, so complete, so perfect, and it was all because of her.
“I’m…” he exhaled heavily, lost for words as he sank deeper in his own elation. She curled her fingers around his jaw, lifting his face so they could peer into each other’s eyes.
“Haechannie.”
“Yeah?”
“I know it’s late, but…” She beamed at him. “Happy birthday.”
And he kissed her with so much fervor, his eyebrows adjoined in passion and he whimpered against her mouth, a tear slipping from the corner of his eye and she smiled, hugging him close because finally, after seventeen years had passed, they truly found each other.
He was her life, and she was his, two different souls united into one.
***
Almost an hour passed by with them just enjoying each other’s company as they laid side-by-side on the bed, with Donghyuck idly sucking more bruises to her skin and her panting his name against his pillow. He was trailing his fingertips from her nape down to the dip of her spine as she laid with her stomach pressed against his sheets, slightly quivering from his touch.
Both of them lacked the energy to get dressed or wash their sweat away from before, and instead just dwell further in each other’s warmth, basking in the soft glow of the sunset that had replaced the storm.
“Why did we wait so long to do this?” She asked with her cheek pressed against the pillow, looking at him with drowsy eyes.
He snorted. “Because you were too big of an idiot to notice and too goddamn stubborn to—”
“Forget I asked.”
Donghyuck grinned to himself but she soon felt it on her skin. “I’m still sweaty, Haechannie, get off me.”
“No way, I want to enjoy this,” his nose was skimming against the skin of her back. “It’s not every day I have a naked lady lounging on my bed. In fact, I’ve never had one. Ever.”
“Yeah?” She turned around, covering her bare chest with his quilt as she looked at him. “What about your girlfriends?”
“What girlfriends?”
“You know, the ones you got together with in high school. You told me you had sex with them.”
“Oh.” His playful smile grew sheepish. “I lied about it.”
“What? Why?”
“I was just trying to make you jealous. You were hanging out with Jaemin and I was so pissed!”
“I can’t believe how lame you were.”
“Hey, I was desperate!”
“So…” She slowly said, drawing her name on the square of his chest with her fingertip. “I’m your first?”
“You’ve always been, on everything.”
Her breathing tattered, blood rushing to her face, turning it scarlet. She moved her hand to his neck, playing with the silver necklace and the oval locket with her fingers. “I can’t believe you still wear this.”
“It’s the best present I’ve ever had,” he replied, leaning close until their foreheads meet one another. “From the best girl I’ve ever met in my life.”
“Stop saying things like this, I can’t handle it.” And she hooked her finger around his necklace, dragging him down to close the gap between them.
They both smiled into the kiss but what was once innocent and chaste, became deep and ardent in a matter of seconds. Donghyuck’s fingers were slipping underneath the comforter that she used to cover her body, feverish skin meeting her cold one and he looked at her in concern. “Are you cold?”
“Just a little bit.” She chuckled awkwardly before it was replaced with a gasp when he pulled her up by her waist and positioned her on his lap. He snatched the quilt away from her in one quick motion, leaving her naked and exposed before she toppled down to his chest. His hands found their way back around her waist, drawing her close so every inch of her skin was pressing against his. His warmth began to seep into her, and he draped his blanket around their bodies again.
“Better?” He looked up, his teeth peeking behind his grin that was both teasing and shy at the same time.
She melted into his touch, wanting to taste his lips again. “Better.”
She was distracted with the way he ran his tongue along her lower lip, sneaking in as soon as she granted him entrance to her mouth, but found her focus back when his hands start to roam around her chest. She immediately covered herself with both hands, embarrassed out of her mind.
“Why are you covering yourself?” He asked, chuckling faintly though his cheeks were reddening by the second. “You were fine when we had sex before. Let me see.”
“I just remembered that you once said I have small boobs.”
Donghyuck’s jaw hung loosely on his face. “That—I was just joking! I love your boobs—I love every—” He thought hard for the right word and failing miserably. “—every aspect of them, how soft they are, the little moles you have, and how they jiggle when—Why are you laughing?!”
But she couldn’t stop cackling even when he was pouting about it, complaining that he was being serious. “I’m sorry,” she said, wiping a tear out of her eyes. “It’s just you were so dominatingly sexy before when you slammed me against the wall, and now you’re acting like such a dork, which is also cute but—” and she laughed again, covering her mouth with her fingers which he immediately took and replaced them with his mouth, turning her soft chuckles into pleading moans.
He cupped her breasts with his palms, groaning at the back of his throat from how perfect they felt under his hands, massaging them gently until she had to break away from the kiss, nibbling at her lip to contain her whimpers.
Donghyuck trailed more kisses down from her neck to the valley of her breasts, before he attached his soft, plump lips on her sensitive nub, making her arch her back in response. He peeked at her reaction from under his eyelashes, almost losing his mind from the sight of how alluring and sinful she looked. “Does it feel good?” He knew the answer but he needed her praise. He had waited for all this time to have her crying out his name in pleasure like this, he guessed he’d allow himself to be selfish just for tonight.
She shakily nodded, eyes tightly shut in pleasure but he didn’t stop until he had her whimpering, “Yes, yes,” into his ears.
“So about what you said before,” he continued, nipping at her sensitive skin with so much fervency, enough to leave purple bruises by the morning. “About me being dominatingly sexy. Is that the kind of thing you’re into?”
She shivered, looking like she wanted to escape his touch. “I—I don’t—” she stammered, having the hardest time finding her words especially when he had one of his eyebrows raised tauntingly. “Stop teasing me.”
“Guess being friends for seventeen years doesn’t really mean you know everything.” He chuckled, sliding down his hand between her thighs but stopping before he got too close, asking for permission. “Can I touch you here?”
She bit her lip, nodding slowly.
“Can we… have sex again?”
“Stop asking questions, and just do it.”
Their second time was much slower, more playful with a lot of teasing and exploring and it was the kind of sex that felt more like them, reminding them of how carefree they were back in their childhoods days, or the flirty banter they shared during their small escapes every summer. It took them hours to be satisfied with one another, at least until the next day started, that by the time they were finished, it was already nighttime. But even after they were dressed back in their previous clothes, they still found their way back in each other’s arms.
“I wasn’t sure to ask about this before but,” Donghyuck snuggled closer from behind, his lips almost brushing against her nape when he spoke in both curiosity and uncertainty. “How are things with Mark?”
“It’s so like you to ask about stuff that mattered after you got what you want,” she responded, making him pout and cower behind her. “We’re still going strong, actually. He said he’d ask me to marry him after we both graduated from college.”
He froze, literally stopped breathing. “What?”
“I’m kidding.” She turned around, tapping his cheek. “You’re cute.”
“That’s not funny.”
“I’m sorry.” And when she laughed, he pouted even harder. “Well, truth is, we broke up over a month ago.”
“What—” Shock filling his eyes. He thought he had known everything about her from seeing her memories in his dreams but maybe he hadn’t seen anything yet. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” She rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t aware we were on speaking terms what with you avoiding my calls and ignoring my texts.”
“You’re never gonna let me live this down, are you?” He sighed, playfully biting her at the part where her neck met her shoulder. “Why did you break up with him anyway? I thought soulmates were meant to be together, not that I’m complaining though.” He couldn’t help but display his cheeky grin. “I’m actually happy—it’s the happiest moment in my life, dare I say.”
She scoffed, shifting on the bed again so she wouldn’t have to face his annoying grin. “It certainly not the happiest moment in my life but as long as you’re happy, I guess.”
“I’m sorry, come here.” Donghyuck sneaked his hands around her body, hauling her toward him until he could press his chest tightly against her back, burying his nose in her hair. “So, what happened?”
“Well…” She huffed, leaning against him. “Mark and I… We’re so similar in a lot of ways and I find myself more compatible with him than anyone, which feels kinda weird, if I’m being honest. Like, we share the same thoughts, we make the same decisions, we listen to the same music, love the same movies and everything. Unlike when I’m with you—” she stopped when she felt his arms tightening around her. “Wait, before you start fuming, listen to me first.” He sighed but nodded his head twice before he landed his face on her hair again. “What I meant was when I’m with you, we argue, we tease each other, we fight over stupid little things so we can look back on it in the future and have a good laugh from realizing how dumb we were being. And that’s what makes it exciting for me. You make me laugh, you make me upset, and when you suddenly disappeared from my life it was like…” she tried, but whether she was too shy or too confused to say the words, Donghyuck wasn’t sure so he helped.
“Like a part of you was missing?” He offered with a smile, nuzzling closer to her.
“Well, I don’t want to sound that cheesy but for the lack of better words, yes,” she admitted. “I just really couldn’t stop thinking about you. I missed you in the way I’ve never missed anyone before, like I kept seeing you anywhere I go. Whenever a Michael Jackson song came up in my playlist, I thought of you. Whenever I saw a movie, I remembered how you would always scrunch your nose in protest when something didn’t make sense. And I felt awful every time because I wasn’t supposed to think about you at all. I was supposed to think about Mark, and how he always tried to make me feel comfortable in his arms, kept asking me whether the room temperature was too cold or too hot, whether I needed another cup of coffee or—”
“He actually sounds pretty nice,” he murmured against her skin. “I’d date him if I were you.”
“Exactly, he’s too perfect.” She turned around, placing both hands on his shoulders. “He’s too perfect, Haechannie. That’s my problem.”
Haechan snorted but he also seemed amused. “This is why boys have problems trying to understand girls.”
“Doesn’t it make sense, though? You have so many flaws—like, so many. You have more flaws in you than your strengths.”
He flatly stared back. “Thanks.”
“But that’s what makes you interesting.” She reached out a hand, playing with the waves of his hair. “That’s what makes you adorable.” When she noticed him turning slightly red on his cheeks, she chuckled awkwardly. “Or maybe I’m just a freak who has a kink for annoying brats, I don’t know.”
Donghyuck smiled softly in return, rubbing his thumb in comforting circles on the skin below her eye. “Well then, I’m glad you have a kink for annoying brats like me.” And when they kissed, he could feel her grinning against his lips so he tore himself away, frowning. “What?”
“I didn’t realize you were this sappy and clingy.” She giggled, pecking his nose. “You really love kissing, don’t you?”
“I love kissing you,” he corrected, slightly wincing at the thought of the previous kisses he’d shared with his former girlfriends. “There’s a difference. And I’m not sappy, I am full with affection.” She teased him with a loud, exaggerated yawn but he ignored her, focusing on the things that hadn’t been spoken. “So, you broke up with him because he was too nice? How did you even tell that to him?”
“No.” Her tone suddenly became heavy. “We broke up because he no longer had faith in me. It was not long after he read my journal.”
“What journal?”
“Okay, now, don’t laugh, but I’ve been keeping a journal lately to help me think and…” He couldn’t see her face, but he could tell she was flushed. “Well, figure things out. So I wrote a lot of things about you, about us, about how I truly felt about you but couldn’t be with you because of the things we’ve been through. And the fact that I’ve been dreaming about you—”
“What?” His breath hitched in his throat. “Like a soulmate dream or just your regular wet dream about me?”
It was vexing the way he sounded so serious when he asked her the most insensitive question at times like this. “It felt similar to how I dreamt about Mark which is weird because how can that be? What does that even mean? I can’t have two soulmates at once, can I?”
Donghyuck contemplated in silence, unsure of his thoughts but eventually made his decision. “Okay,” he shifted his weight, now sitting on the bed, and gesturing for her to meet his eyes. “I have a secret I’ve been wanting to tell you but since we weren’t on speaking terms—”
“Thanks to you—”
“—yeah, thanks to me. I decided to keep it a secret. And I realized that I didn’t want to tell you that because I wanted you to figure out by yourself that you have feelings for me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve been having dreams about you too.” He unconsciously reached out for her hand, lacing their fingers together. “I saw your memories. I knew that they weren’t mine because I’ve dreamt about the time you spent with Jaemin and Mark, but I didn’t say anything because I want you to fall for me for who I am, not because I have connections to your dreams or because it turns out I’m your soulmate.”
She gaped in disbelief. “How long have you been dreaming about me?”
His voice grew quiet. “Since that night when we kissed.”
Her mouth was shaping into a silent ‘o’ but no words came out. She was deep in her thoughts and Donghyuck had to squeeze her hand to bring her out of her reverie. “Noona?”
“So it wasn’t just because of the kiss, was it? That morning when you were acting weird, asking me about my feelings?”
He nodded reluctantly. “I thought you were experiencing the same thing, but then you told me you had another dream about Mark, and not soon after, I saw him with my own eyes.”
Something befell on her face, eyes wide in realization. “So, it was true—what I saw in my dream. You’d met Mark way before I did but you never told me about him—you even told him to stay away—”
“Yes, but—” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “I know that was a total dick move, but—”
“You had no right, Hyuck.”
The way she called him by his real name made him freeze for a split second. “You’re… really upset about this, aren’t you?”
She tried not to scowl at him harder than she already did. With a sigh, she massaged her temple. “Well, I guess I should’ve seen that coming. You’ve always been acting like that anyway. You and your possessive, competitive ass.”
“But,” he said, smiling bashfully. “Will you love me and my possessive, competitive ass for the rest of your life?”
“One step at a time, Haechannie.” She pressed her palm against his face, wiping his annoying smirk away. “One step at a time.”
***
Unbeknownst to them, it turned out that being in an intimate relationship didn’t really change the way they behave around each other. They still fought over the little things but always agreed on the things that mattered. They shared loving words as much as they had done numerous times in the past, only this time they shared them between lustful gasps and lascivious groans.
Their long-distance relationship was hard during their years in college as they went to different campuses in different cities, but only because they couldn’t feel each other’s lips and breaths on their skins, so every time a long holiday came up, they would spend it somewhere where they could be alone, tangled in each other’s arms, moaning terms of endearments laced with desperation and urgency against the sheets.
It was funny how they kept having dreams about each other’s memories, even after they admitted their feelings out loud. Every morning whenever they were apart, they would send text messages, describing the memories they saw in their dreams, that it became some kind of a new habit for them. It was harmless most of the time, but Donghyuck became unreasonably jealous more often than not, whenever he saw Jaemin or Mark in her memories. He would spout out hateful words, calling their names with degradation, and she would sigh and wave him off, being the mature one in the relationship.
She had a theory about why he was dreaming about her, and why did her dreams change from Mark’s memories into his. She said it had something to do with their feelings, that if they loved someone so dearly, their dreams began to change from seeing the soulmate they were originally matched with, to the person they truly loved. And if the feelings were mutual, they would begin to dream about each other. Donghyuck didn’t pay too much attention to it, because it didn’t matter to him. Soulmates or not, dreams or no dream, he’d still love her with all his heart.
They kept their relationship a secret because they knew how their parents believed in soulmates and didn’t want to make them worry. But whenever they had sleepovers in his house, leaving their bedroom door open as instructed, keeping secrets became torture because Donghyuck always found a way to pepper playful kisses on her cheek. And playful kisses always turned perilous when they fell on her lips, and once the tip of their tongues met in curiosity, just wanted to get a glimpse of each other’s taste, there would be no turning back.
So they exchanged deep kisses and sinful strokes under the duvet, closing their eyes shut and pretending to sleep whenever rustling sounds or footsteps could be heard from the other side of their slightly ajar door. Donghyuck would whine something about, “Noona, I can’t do this. I can’t come like this,” even though he grew hotter and larger in her hand, and she would raise a teasing eyebrow with a smirk painting her face. She would then sneak under the sheet, crawl down his body, and blow hot breath against his tip, before engulfing him completely. And Donghyuck would bite into his fist, eyebrows furrowing in ecstasy, eyes shut closed as he imagined the way she would hollow her cheeks around him, with her tongue running along his veins and he would come undone in seconds. “Already?” She would ask with a teasing grin, wiping her tainted mouth with the back of her hand. “I must be super good at this.”
Donghyuck would let her win, just for the night. He could always pay her back the next day, he figured, when his parents were still deep in slumber, and the sun was still hiding somewhere out of sight. He knew how much she loved seeing him between her legs, with his eyes half-lidded and his lips sucking bruises on the inner parts of her thighs. And he loved seeing her face contorted in pleasure every time he brought her tongue deep inside her, remembering her taste better than anything he had ever tasted. Whenever her body started to shake, hands tangling desperately against his locks, her legs closing in on him, he would lick everything that seeped out of her, glance up to meet her eyes, and lick his lower lip in satisfaction before he said, “Already? I must be super good at this.”
“You know,” she sighed one day when she curled against his chest in a hotel room that smelled like cinnamon mixed with sandalwood. “I’ll probably end up getting pregnant with Hyuck Jr from how often we have sex.”
“I don’t mind.” He laced their fingers together, tracing his tongue on the side of her neck before he marked her with his teeth. “Hyuck Jr sounds hella cool.”
“Of course, you don’t mind. You say that to get more sex.” She wiggled away, shoving him gently by the jaw. “Stop that, I have work today.” And as much as he wanted to ignore her, painting more of his signature down her body so everyone would know who owned her, he stopped with a pout because she could really be terrifying when she got angry.
“Noona~ Come back to bed,” he whined, as he watched her stepped down the bed, getting dressed. “I need you to love me again. I’m needy.”
“You are gross, and I am late. Where the hell is my bra?”
Donghyuck grinned in amusement, watching her running from one corner to another only in her panties. “Man, have I told you how much I love your boobs?”
“Stop staring and help me find my clothes!”
She soon collected every piece of her clothing back without his help as he just kept lazing around on the bed, giggling every time she tripped over something.
“Noona.”
“Hmm?”
“Have you ever thought about being this intimate with me back then?” Donghyuck flipped over to his stomach, crossing his arms idly on top of his pillow before he dipped his chin between them. “Before we got together. Have you ever thought about kissing me?”
Her cheeks were flushed. “W-what kind of question is—”
“I need to know whether you were as crazy as I was about you.” His smile was both teasing and gentle. “Please?”
“Fine.” She eventually succumbed with a sigh. “Remember back then when you said you were going on a date with that girl you’d been seeing for two weeks? Not sure why, but when I thought about you kissing her, I was also thinking about you kissing me.”
“You did?” He gaped, mouth wide open. “Way back then? And you still went out with those douchebags instead of being with me?” He protested, sinking his face in his pillow as he muffled his whine. “Noonaaaa~”
“It was just a fleeting thought! It wasn’t anything that serious.” She put on her stockings, having the hardest time focusing from all the embarrassment she had to endure. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Well, now that I know you’ve been thinking about me that way for quite some time, what kind of things did you imagine us doing?” And when he didn’t answer right away, lost for words, she added with a sly smirk. “Don’t tell me you jacked off while thinking about me.”
He was good at controlling his expressions, but his ears betrayed him right away from how red they were turning. “No comment,” he muttered, sinking half of his face into his pillow.
She rolled her eyes, snorting. “Well, that’s fair.”
“What about the future? Have you ever thought about our future together?” The sudden question made her gaze back at him. “What do you see happening to us in ten years?”
She was fiddling with the buttons of her blouse, but her mind drifted somewhere else. She had thought about it. Thought about growing old with him. Thought about them getting married, have a child—or maybe three. Thought about how nervous and panicky he would get when her water broke, and how whiny he would be whenever she asked him to do house chores but ended up doing everything perfectly. She had thought about how cute he’d look as a father, telling a little boy—who looked exactly like him—during his first try at riding a bicycle that it’s okay to cry if it hurts when you fall because daddy is going to hug you and make the pain go away, okay?
She had thought about it, more often than not, but he had just graduated from college and she was in her first year working as an intern in a high-tech company. They still had a lot of things going on in their lives. Maybe he wasn’t ready to settle down yet. Maybe he needed time.
“Babe?” He called. “You’ve been quiet for a while.”
“You want an honest answer?”
“Yes, please.”
“I see you growing bald from all of those hair products you use.”
“Why you little—”
***
“What’s this?” She questioned as he slid a little black box with a red bow wrapped around it—a spitting image of the gift she had presented to him a few years back—into her hand. She remembered the joke he made that night, so she mirrored his action, faking a gasp while squealing, “No way, you’re proposing to me? But honey, I’m already carrying your child!”
He laughed, a bit bashful and awkward, but he understood her joke. “But wait, if you’re seriously carrying my child, I will hate you for the rest of my life for breaking the news like this.”
“I’m not, calm down.” She chuckled, and they walked next to each other again, enjoying how peaceful the Han River was at night, with cherry blossoms petals dancing in the wind.
“Are you cold?” He asked though she was already wearing multi-layered clothes.
“What, are you gonna wrap your coat around me?”
“Nah, just asking. I’m more sensitive to cold than you anyway.”
“Thanks.” She rolled her eyes before she focused back on the tiny present. “What is this for? Our anniversary is still a month away.”
“Just shut up and open it.” He sniffed from the cold, tucking his hands deeper inside his coat. “And hurry up. I’m freezing. I need you to warm me up.”
“I swear to God, can’t you at least be romantic for five minutes?”
“Okay, five minutes. After that, we’ll run back home and have hot, dirty sex.”
She scowled at him which he returned wholeheartedly with a playful kiss on her cheek. She opened the box and smiled when she saw a similar oval locket necklace that matched the one he wore around his neck. “You’re so predictable,” she sneered, taking the necklace in her hand. “But I love it.”
“You haven’t seen what’s inside.” He whispered close in her ear. “I’ll give you a little spoiler. It’s not a picture of us taking a bath together when we were kids but it’s something similar.”
“Ah, I get it. Is it the time when we—” But her sentence ended abruptly in silence at the sight of the words that were engraved on the silver plate.
Will you marry me?
“Haechannie—” And as she turned around to face him, he already had one knee on the ground, taking her hand in his and she could feel shivers running through his fingertips. The soft glow of the streetlight illuminated his face most beautifully, with his bangs fluttering softly under the wind. His chocolate brown eyes were so gentle, so loving, so shy, matching the way his cheeks were reddening with more seconds passing by. When he pronounced her name, it felt like he was casting spells on her, bewitching her with his smile, his voice, his scent, his everything.
“Okay, so I’ve written a whole speech—like, a whole speech,” he repeated, emphasizing with a deeper voice. “And it would probably take me a good half an hour to recite it to you and I don’t think either of us wants to stand here for even a minute longer, so if you can just say yes now, I’ll do the speech later when we’re warm and cozy and naked in our bed.”
She was prepared to cry in joy but she ended up crying from the hilarity of it all. “What the hell was that? Haechannie—”
“I’m serious, Noona, a whole speech!” His teeth were beginning to chatter. “Trust me! Can you just accept my stupid proposal now so we can go home?”
“What is this, a blackmail?”
“Noona~”
She hauled him up to his feet again with both hands. “Well then, let’s go home,” she said, sinking their intertwined hands in her coat’s pocket before she tugged him forward. “If you amaze me with that whole speech of yours, then I’ll say yes.”
Donghyuck grinned. “You got it.”
He kept his promise from the beginning to the end. As they stepped into the little apartment they had been sharing in secret for the last few months, Donghyuck had her pressed against the wall, kicking the front door closed with one foot, before he moved it to slide his knee between her thighs, giving her the friction she needed. Clothes were soon scattered on the floor as they walked and tripped their way to the bedroom, silently shouting gratitudes to the heater that kept the place warm while they were gone.
“So,” she breathed against his mouth, pressing her bare chest to his slightly colder one. “Your speech. Go.”
“In a minute,” he said, smirking as he gestured her to sit on the edge of the bed. When she followed, he kneeled in front of her, spread her legs apart, and licked his lower lip as he stared at her arousal. He pushed his bangs out of his eyes, saying, “I have my priorities and this. comes. first,” and he dipped his head low, hot tongue pressing against her most sensitive part, forcing her to chant his name like a prayer.
But when their feet were tangled around one another on the bed, her hands buried deep in his hair while he raked his fingernails down her spine, Donghyuck murmured the things she didn’t realize she needed to hear. He reminded her of the precious memories they had shared, of the feelings they had even back then when they were too young to understand love, of his promises to make her happy—to make her feel complete and infinite until the end of her days—and of his cute, little fantasies of how the future was going to be for the two of them and their future children.
And as he pounded into her, with hard, deep thrusts, hips moving faster and faster each time she moaned against his ear, driving him to the edge of his sanity, he demanded her to say her answer to his proposal. With pleasure clouding her mind, she could no longer think about any word other than yes.  
***
“It has a private pool and a jacuzzi, you’ll love it, babe, trust me,” Donghyuck said into his phone, grinning to himself every time he heard a giggle coming from the other line. “I know I said no surprises this time, but I made the reservation like a month ago so you can’t really blame me for it.”
He silently thanked the florist who handed him a bouquet of red roses before he exited the store and head back to his car. He placed the flowers on the passenger seat next to him, along with two little custom-made alpaca plushies wearing wedding attires, and a tiny white box with a pair of engagement rings inside.
“Look, we’re celebrating your birthday in that resort whether you like it or not,” he said, looking like he was about to burst into laughter in a matter of seconds from hearing her adorable complaints. “It’s not that expensive, I swear! And even if it is, I’m completely fine with using my three months' worth of salary to please my girlfriend.” There was a loud shouting on the other side of the line, and he chuckled, “I’m kidding, Noona. Look, I’m heading to your workplace. I’ll see you in half an hour, okay?” His gaze softened. “Me too. I love you too. Bye.”
When the line got disconnected, Donghyuck leaned against the back of his seat, huffing to the air, his heart banging loud against his chest. The first proposal was all fun and games, but this time, he was serious about it. He had prepared everything, dressed sharply in a black suit and a white buttoned-up shirt, and memorized his lines by heart from practicing it over a hundred times in front of his bathroom mirror a few hours ago. He had taken a day off to make sure everything went perfectly, but now as he seated behind the wheels, about to see her face and the bright, beautiful smile she always threw at him whenever he graced her with his presence, he became so nervous, so afraid of ruining his plan.
A text message arrived, interrupting his thoughts.
There’s a birthday gift on my desk under your name. My co-workers are getting jealous. Why are you so perfect?
And before he could reply, another one came by.
I love you, Haechannie.
All of his concerns began to dissipate from his chest. It would be okay if he ruined one thing or two while undergoing his plan. She would forgive him with a smile. She always did. She had always accepted him the way he was.
So he texted her back.
There’s no life without you, Noona.
And that was the truth. He had only truly lived because of her.
He placed his phone on the dashboard of his car, wore back his seatbelt, and started the engine. His thoughts were so full of her as much as his heart was, that a smile began to grow permanent on his face. Even as he began to drive, he still had the hardest time focusing on everything else but her.
It was until a truck passed at high speed, smashed his car from the side with a loud, thunderous bang, sending tremors of pain all over his body before his thoughts could process the details.
And suddenly, what was once vibrant with a spectrum of colors, his world turned monochromatic once again.
***
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What Do Botanists Do On Saturday?
by Sarah C. Williams
Here in the section of Botany we’ve adapted in some strange ways, just like plants do, to the changes of the past year and a half. Let’s learn about the off days of some of our Super Scientists in the Section of Botany!
Mason Heberling, Assistant Curator of Botany
Collecting specimens has become a focus as more time was able to be spent in the field when we weren’t allowed to be at the museum. As our new Botany Hall entrance video shows, Assistant Curator of Botany, Mason Heberling and Collections Manager Bonnie Isaac collect plant specimens on a pretty regular basis. They also snag iNaturalist observations for these plants, taking photos that show what the plant and habitat looked before being picked and pressed.
Mason studies forest understory plants, in particular, introduced species and wildflowers in our changing environment. Mason has a bunch of fun projects going on this summer, ranging from coordinating seed collections of an uncommon native grass to send to Germany for a large greenhouse study to working with a team of students to study the effects of climate change and introduced shrubs on our forest wildflowers.
In addition to work in the field, the herbarium has been a busy place this summer too! Mason has been working with Alyssa McCormick, an undergraduate research intern from Chatham University, to examine stomata (the pores on leaves for air exchange for plants to “breathe”) and leaf nutrients in everyone’s favorite plant – poison ivy!  Poison ivy has been previously shown to grow bigger and cause nastier skin rashes with increasing carbon dioxide in our air due to fossil fuel emissions. Alyssa is using specimens collected as long ago as the 1800s to examine long term changes in poison ivy.
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Mason, where can we find you on a Saturday?
“This summer has been a lot of going to various places around western PA like Presque Isle or Idlewild to get out and enjoy the fresh air with my family. I can also be found most Saturdays around the house doing chores!”
Bonnie Isaac, Collection Manager
Bonnie, one of CMNH’s TikTok celebrities, and All-Star in the Mid-Atlantic plant world, has spent a lot of the past year doing fieldwork. Her PA Wild Resource Grant involved looking at most of the populations for 10 Pennsylvania rare species. She and husband Joe Isaac spent many days on the road and a few in the bog! You can see some of her videos about these unique Pennsylvania finds on Carnegie Museum of Natural History’s Tiktok account: @carnegiemnh.
She diligently keeps track of various data points from latitude and longitude and elevation, to flower color, size, and associated species within a habitat. In addition to trying to make sure the plant names in our database are correct, she has also been busy georeferencing some of our specimens so that we can see on a map where each one was collected.
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Bonnie, where can we find you on a Saturday?
“On most Saturdays I am either home taking care of my many chickens or getting some exercise in one of my kayaks with my spousal unit, Joe. I sometime even take a fishing pole for a ride or see how many different kinds of plants I can find on a hike. As long as I can get outside with Joe, I’m happy.”
Cynthia Pagesh, Herbarium Assistant
Specimens make their way home to the museum, where we assure they’re bone dry, flat as a pancake, and have been frozen twice to get rid of any pests. They then find their way into the nimble hands of Cynthia Pagesh, our resident plant mounter. Cynthia has luckily been able to do some mounting both onsite and at home over this past year, really honing her craft. She uses Elmer’s glue, dental and sculpture tools, linen tape, and a paintbrush akin to a magic wand: transforming roots, stems, flowers, and fruits into scientific and artistic renderings on an 11.5x16.5” archival herbarium sheet.
Mounting can be very detailed and challenging: wrangling a dry and brittle rare plant you want to salvage every detail from, or an oversized leaf ‘how-will-this-all-fit?’ ordeal, or finessing a delicate petal that glue is especially heavy on. Bulky bits, crumbly bits, spiky no nos: Cyn handles them all. Her work is just as much an art as it is a science. When she’s not making masterpieces, she’s probably doing something with plants.
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Cyn, where can we find you on a Saturday?
“You can find me on Saturdays helping prune young trees in my community, collecting wildflower seeds or in my kitchen making preserves or homemade pasta noodles.  I volunteer in vegetable, herb and flower gardens.  I have a pollinator garden at home and raise Monarch caterpillars.  I tag and release them to migrate south.
There are lots of Community Science projects for people of all ages: ask someone to help you find one related to a subject you have an interest in.  I have an interest in pollinators including bees.  I participate in a Community Science Project every Summer that counts types of bees on certain plants when they bloom.”
Iliana DiNicola
After another stint in the freezer for bugs-be-gone, it’s everyone’s favorite day: Picture Day! Each plant: sturdy and mounted, all data logged and super official, makes their way to the imaging station to spend some time under the bright lights. Since 2018, students, interns, and volunteers have lovingly held these plants’ hands as they get their close ups. We take high definition photos using a specially made lightbox and special software.
While this is part of a limited project, called the Mid-Atlantic Megalopolis, we are still hard at work going into our last year of the time we were given. This past schoolyear and summer, former Pitt student, Iliana DiNicola was taking pictures for us on the regular while also interning with the Pittsburgh Parks Conservancy. She just graduated and I’m excited to hear what she does on her Saturdays in the future.
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Iliana, where can we find you on a Saturday?
“I just graduated from the University of Pittsburgh with a degree in Environmental Studies, and I am now on the lookout for any jobs related to the environment back in my hometown of Phoenix, Arizona. I am interested in working with anything from sustainability, to policy or political work, or maybe even something more related to ecology and outdoor work.
On a Saturday, I am definitely helping clean my house since I am a semi-clean freak, I love to go hiking if the weather isn't too hot, enjoy drawing and working on any art projects, or work on my future hydroponics garden.
As somebody who interned for Pittsburgh Parks Conservancy, I highly recommend participating in any camps or activities the conservancy has to offer. It was super fun learning more about Pittsburgh's history and ecology and getting to teach kids about these topics, alongside participating in fun outdoor activities.”
Sarah Williams, Curatorial Assistant
Next up, Sarah Williams, the Curatorial Assistant in the Section of Botany, is overseeing the digitization project, morphing the photos from raw camera files into smaller files for sharing and detailed files for archival storing using Adobe Lightroom. She takes the images from the newly photographed specimens and makes sure they get uploaded onto the Mid-Atlantic Herbaria Consortium’s website to be shared far and wide across the world.
There is also a lot she does in sorting, filing, and taking care of the specimens as well. She does a bunch of scheduling, hiring, and training of work study students, interns, and volunteers. We consider her a jack of all trades.
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Sarah, where can we find you on a Saturday?
“Most weekends I work with a local catering company called Black Radish Kitchen. I usually end up serving delicious vegetable and farm focused meals at least one day a week, commonly Saturdays because they’re prime for celebrations. The re-start up since the pandemic has been cautious, and I’m excited to be amongst people and help them to make mouthwatering memories again. I’ve worked in the restaurant industry for over a decade and the skills I’ve learned doing it as well as the friends I’ve made are matchless. It has a big piece of my heart.
I also moved into a new house this year about five minutes from my mom, so if I’m not running to say hi to her and ‘borrow’ some groceries, I’m doing laundry, dusting and yardwork… but only after I sleep in, eat some delicious breakfast with my partner, and hang out with our two cats, Santi and Gil.”
We hope you enjoyed getting to know us here in the Section of Botany, look forward to updates and more introductions in the future as we continue to host volunteers, federal work-study students, and interns on their journeys to learn even more about the plant kingdom.
Sarah Williams is Curatorial Assistant in the Section of Botany at Carnegie Museum of Natural History. Museum employees are encouraged to blog about their unique experiences and knowledge gained from working at the museum.
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yugirl · 3 years
Text
Day 18: “This Wasn’t in the Rule Book.”
Crossovers, coffee shops, and canon divergence collide today in the wonderful world of AU! Go nuts.
((Magical girl au? Magical girl au! @pridewhatpride my love?? This is for you!))
~~~~~~~~~
I gritted my teeth and looked up with fear and dread. It was no use… the Light of Destruction was so strong and so powerful.
Jaden was struggling to get up; Bastion was struggling to breathe; Jesse couldn’t move.
But… I couldn’t let it end like this…
“Yellow… Green… Black…” I whispered. My spirit partners appeared and looked in concern.
“What are you gonna do, boss…?!” Yellow squeaked.
“I’m going to keep fighting with everything I have… but I understand if you three don’t… if you want to run… now’s your chance….”
Jaden seemed to see what I was doing and summoned Winged Kuriboh.
“Chazz is right… just because we’re going to keep fighting doesn’t mean you guys have to… so if you want to get out of here, then go….”
Bastion grunted, “there’s no need for you to put yourself at risk if you don’t want to Pikeru… go….”
Jesse looked at the Crystal Beasts. “I’m with them… you’ve all been by my side from start to finish, but I want you to be safe….”
“YOU'RE INSANE!!” Yellow squawked.
“Huh?”
“Sure, I may be a scaredy-cat, but I’m not backing down when we’re this close to the finish line!!”
Green nodded in agreement. “Yeah!! If you’re gonna keep fighting, boss, then we are too!!”
“That’s right!! Brothers stick together!!” Black added.
I couldn’t help but smile “thanks, you guys….”
Winged Kuriboh seemed to mewl in protest as well, nuzzling against Jaden and assuring he was staying.
“Thanks, Pal…” Jaden smiled.
“Yeah! If you losers even think you’re fighting without us, think again!” Pikeru said smugly.
“Thanks, Pikeru…” Bastion chuckled and patted her head.
“Your friends are right, Jesse….” Topaz Tiger nodded.
“we’ve all come so far together, and as you said, we’ve been here from start to end. But it’s not the end yet….” Amythest Cat added.
Jesse teared up and nodded. “Thank you!!”
I used my lighting spear to help myself stand up before turning to help the others up one at a time…
“If this really is the end… I just want you to know…I… I love you guys….” I muttered.
Jaden teared up and nodded. “I love you too!”
Bastion wrapped an arm around Jaden to comfort him. “I love you all as well….”
Jesse teared up too and pulled us all into a hug. “I love you all too!! Thank you so much for staying with me and helping me complete my mission!!”
We hugged each other for the longest time, our hearts burning… no, they weren’t burning; they were glowing.
“What is this!?” I gasped
“Could this be… a new power?” Jesse wondered.
Suddenly four rainbow coloured crystals appeared, a star, a gem, a heart and a diamond.
“This isn’t anything like the rainbow dragon….” Bastion whispered
“That’s because it’s not!” Jaden explained, “I can feel it… this is our power!!”
I looked to my friends… the three boys I met on this journey, and the spirit partners who stuck with us. This indeed was the final battle.
“Everyone… LET’S GO!!”
“Right!!”
The rainbow crystals resonated with each of us. The power was overwhelming.
All of us ascended into the sky,
“SUMMON RAINBOW DUEL SPIRIT FUSION!!”
Thanks to the rainbow crystals, we transformed one last time into new, more powerful forms. It was time.
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The light of destruction couldn’t believe that we were still fighting. It thought it had destroyed us once and for all.
“No matter what happens, we’ll always keep fighting to protect those we love!!” Jesse declared
“We want to live and pursue the future!!” Jaden added
“Destruction may always exist, but creation and life are needed to maintain balance!” Bastion stated
“And that’s why we can’t bow down to the likes of you!!” I pointed my spear at him. “We will defeat you once and for all!!”
Jaden charged in first, his new gauntlets glowing with power.
The light of destruction fired a laser towards us in response, but Jaden was having none of it.
“レインボー コスミククラシ!!”
“RAINBOW COSMIC CRUSH!!”
He punched through it, blasting the light in different directions, leaving earth and us unharmed.
The light was baffled. It couldn’t comprehend this power.
“My turn!!”
Bastion flew towards the light and readied his throwing knives.
“レインボータイダルブラスト!!”
“RAINBOW TIDAL BLAST!!”
The knives surged through space, pinning the light to the spot and rendering it helpless as the power of the elements coursed through it. It had nowhere to run now.
Jesse went next, readying his sword. He was ready to avenge everyone and everything the light had ever hurt.
“レインボークリスタルストリーム!!”
“RAINBOW CRYSTAL STREAM!!”
The rainbow light burst from his sword and started to break the light up. It tried to escape, but it had me to deal with.
“THIS IS FOR EVERYONE YOU’VE MANIPULATED AND HURT!!”
I raised my spear high into the air, Channeling my lightning powers.
“レインボーデルタサンダー!!”
“RAINBOW DELTA THUNDER!!”
The light screamed in pain and agony. It wasn’t done. It conjured up his power for one final attack, but we knew it was on its last legs.
“EVERYONE WITH ME!!”
We gathered together, and with the power of our bond, our weapons fused together, creating a brand new weapon—the Miracle Rainbow Spear.
“Impossible!!” The light snapped, “don’t you know if you use all your power, the worlds will be separated!?”
“Even so… I have a sworn duty to protect both this world and the spirit world…” Jesse reflected “, my friends have shown me the true importance of being the crystal protector, and I will always treasure that… I will never forget that even if we are separated!!”
“People come and go… that’s an unfortunate part of life… but I will not cry when it’s over….” Bastion felt a grin grow on his face, “I will smile because I’ll remember every precious memory we’ve given each other!!”
“No matter what comes between us, we will always be together no matter where we are in one world or another….” Jaden added, holding back tears. “OUR FOUR HEARTS WILL ALWAYS BEAT AS ONE!!”
“It’s funny… when this journey began, I didn’t want anything to do with these guys… but now I don’t want this adventure to end….” I smiled “but I know they’re right!! No matter what happens, we’ll always be together!! I’ll never forget any of this and the friendships we made!!”
Our hearts beat as one as the spear resonated with us. It was time to end this.
“ミラクルレインボーレフラクション!!”
“MIRACLE RAINBOW REFRACTION!!”
The bright colour exploded from the spear charging towards the light, eliminating the white completely
“Stop it!! It’s too bright!! Stop it!!”
I screamed as I thrust the spear forward, charging with one last burst of energy.
“IMPOSSIBLE…. I AM THE LIGHT I AM ALL POWERFUUUUUL” piece by piece it was disintegrated
It was over…he was gone…
The four of us floated through space, relieved it was all over.
“Y’all… thank you so much for your help… I can’t believe it’s all over….” Jesse sighed
“Yeah…” I smiled. “I’m glad we were able to save everyone….”
“Now humans and duel spirits and live in peace….” Jaden nodded
“Indeed, a happy ending all round”, Bastion chuckled.
Suddenly Jesse and the duel spirits started glowing.
“Huh!? Jesse, what’s happening!?”
“It’s time, guys… I’m going back to the spirit world….”
“N-now!? But I thought we had more time!! I thought we’d at least spend more time together!!” Bastion gasped
“Sorry, y’all… I don’t make the rules, my missions over, and now it’s time to go home….”
“You can’t go, Jesse!! There’s still so much I wanted to do!!”
“Jesse, please!! We love you!!”
“I love y’all too!! But remember what we said… we’ll always be together… no matter what… we’ll see each other again… I know it!!”
Winged Kuriboh flew over to Jaden, who eagerly hugged him. “I’ll miss you too, Winged-Kuriboh!”
“I’m gonna miss you!!” Pikeru sobbed
“I’ll miss you too, Pikeru….” Bastion sighed and patted her head “don’t forget me, alright?”
“I don’t think I could ever forget a loser like you….” Pikeru giggled before flying in to hug him.
“BOOOOOOSS!!”
I pulled the Ojamas into a tight hug. I didn’t want to admit it, but I was going to miss them a lot.
“We love you, boss!!”
“I… I love you guys too… take care now, alright…?”
I slowly let go, and the Duel Spirits flew back to Jesse, all returning to their world while we returned to ours…
I don’t remember much after that… the months sort of flew by, and I graduated high school. Bastion left to work with Professor Eisenstein, Jaden disappeared after graduation… That was the last I saw of th-
“That can’t be the end!!”
“Huh?” I looked down to my oldest daughter “what do you mean, Aurora?”
“That can’t be how it ends!!” Aurora protested, “did you really get separated forever!?”
“That’s so sad!!” Rosalie, my second daughter, nodded.
“Uh-huh!” My son Damien agreed.
“Well, I said we got separated. I never said forever….” I mumbled
“S-so, did you get to see each other again?” Rosalie asked.
“I don’t know….” I pulled my kids onto my lap and hugged them “do you want us to see each other again?”
“I do, I do!”
I chuckled and hugged them all close. “Maybe we’ll see each other again….”
I heard the door open and the sound of tired shuffling.
“Oh, let’s see who’s home!!”
Aurora jumped up first and dashed out the door, seeing the three exhausted adults.
“DADDY! PAPA! MOM!”
“Hey, Aurora!” Jesse grinned and picked her up, giving her the biggest hug.
Rosalie ran over to Bastion and hugged him tightly. She was always a papa’s girl.
Damien and I chuckled and walked over to Jaden, both greeting him with a kiss on the cheek.
“How was work?”
“Oh, you know the usual!” Jaden smirked.
I walked over to Jesse and wrapped my arms around him, planting a firm kiss on his lips.
“Mmm, that’s nice! What was that for?” Jesse grinned
“I just missed you a lot today….” I smiled.
Well, it seemed to work. The kids wanted us to meet up again. And we did.
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nitewrighter · 3 years
Note
First Meeting of Genji and Tracer maybe?
I haven’t forgotten all the kiss prompts but I wanted to gear-shift to something a little more punchy!
-------
“I don’t know about this…” Genji mindlessly brushed his fingers along the handle of Ryū-Ichimonji as he walked down the hall, “I’ve never really thought of myself as a teacher...”
“You said you wanted to get off the bench,” Reyes walked alongside him, both hands in the mono-pocket of his hoodie. He had a way of carrying himself that made it easy for the eye to scan past him, despite being head of Blackwatch, but Genji drew the eye, bare skin and metal, and stark black, white and red prosthetics, and so in their walk virtually all Overwatch staff in the hallway gave them an unnaturally wide berth, first a natural reaction to Genji’s appearance, then a flinching recognition of Reyes. “This is the best Jack and I can do for you,” Reyes went on, “Besides, she was in the RAF before this, so it’s not like she’s coming into this with no combat knowledge.”
‘The best Jack and I can do for you,’ Genji glanced away from Reyes, his eyes narrowing in thought, So you show Jack one hand with me, while keeping the other behind your back with McCree. I’m the ‘accountability’ agent, but McCree and Moira... they’re still Blackwatch. They’re still working. His ‘real’ agents. Genji wondered where McCree was now. Was it an ‘errand’ this time or a ‘vacation?’ It wasn’t as if it was sanctioned by Jack either way, but it wasn’t like Jack would look too closely or question it so long as the cyborg ninja was accounted for. 
“Hey,” Reyes spoke and Genji was forced to pull himself out of his bristling silence, “Being a part of Overwatch isn’t just cutting through shit with a sword. You have to show you can work with people, and not just Blackwatch.” Reyes gave a short snort, “Though, let’s be real, saying you worked with Blackwatch is a bit of a stretch.”
Genji kept his eyes fixed away sullenly. “So she’s not the only one learning, here,” he mused. 
“Now you’re getting it,” said Reyes, smiling.
“You don’t know when Blackwatch’s suspension is ending, do you?” Genji’s voice was level but it wiped the smile from Reyes’s face in an instant. 
“Can’t say that I do,” Reyes flicked his own eyes forward, down the hall, “But that doesn’t mean I’m sitting on my hands, Shimada. You can believe me when I say I’m working on ways to get you back out there, because Talon’s only going to get bolder while we’re wrapping ourselves in red tape. But you have to show me, Jack, and all these UN pearl-clutchers you can adapt. Do you understand?”
“Mm,” Genji gave a single nod as they exited two automatic doors out to the training area, where a cluster of training bots where doddering around in various directions.
“Had ‘em cue up your usual warm-up,” said Reyes, putting his hands on his hips, “Think benchwarming got you soft?”
Genji gave a short scoff before drawing Ryū-Ichimonji from his back, but Reyes could hear the smile in his breath beneath his faceplate.
----
“Wow... Blackwatch!” Tracer’s eyes were wide as Mercy and Winston stood next to her in the elevator, “I heard all about the--I mean, everyone heard about Venice but--blimey! Are we sure it’s all right?” 
“We’re approaching this as a sort of... rehabilitation from suspension,” said Mercy, “And don’t worry, I’m very well-acquainted with your future teacher and I can assure you that Genji Shimada holds himself to a very high standard as an agent.” 
“I know that but....I don’t know if I’m cut out for any of that ninja stuff,” Trace glanced down at the chronal accelerator glowing in her chest, “This thing doesn’t exactly make it ea--easy to sneak around.” A brief ripple of glowing blue chronal feedback bloomed around her on the word ‘easy’ and her shoulders bunched up self-consciously, “Sometimes I don’t know if I can pull off that... speed-up thing I did back with the prototypes...”
“The accelerator reacts to your nervous system,” Winston chimed in, “We can worry about safely discharging the chronal distortion later, but it’s perfectly safe and stable as it is right now! All you need to worry about is keeping a cool head!”
“Cool head,” Tracer said firmly, “Right.”
“But if anything feels wrong you should tell us immediately,” Mercy quickly added.
“Gotcha, gotcha,” said Tracer, nodding. The three of them stood in a nervous, excited silence for a few seconds.
“Is he nice?” Tracer asked, looking at Mercy, “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I can deal with the ‘tough love’ types, but I guess I’m just not really sure what to expect with all this Blackwatch stuff...”
“Oh he’s wonderful,” said Mercy beaming as the elevator dinged and the doors opened, “And I think, while both your situations are very unique, he’ll definitely understand what you’re going through. He’s basically had to re-learn how to coordinate his body, too!”
Tracer’s shoulders slumped with some reassurance as they stepped out into the open air of the training area, “Well that’s a relief,” she said, with a lopsided smile.
“Oh yes. He’ll be a great teacher. He’s patient, and attentive, and really quite funny once you get to know him, and he’s very---”
Mercy was cut off by a snarling, roaring, cybernetically warbling scream as a red, white, and black blur rushed past them on the training grounds. Tracer, Winston, and Mercy watched in some combination of awe and terror as Genji Shimada tore through a batch of training bots like a hurricane. 
“Very--um...” Mercy’s words turned halting as Genji dove and slid under one bot and became a whirlwind of blades and kicks, slicing up the training bots closing in on him, before sending the poor training bot he had dived under into the air then springing into the air himself. His wires whipped around him as he twisted in the air, sending the training bot flying back with a kick that made it shatter against a wall. 
“Very--” Mercy tried to regain her composure and speak quickly but winced as she was cut off again by the screech and clatter of metal, the loud scream of a broken vocal box on one of the training bots as Genji jammed both sword and wakizashi into it before ripping it outward and rendering the training bot an explosion of broken metal parts. Mercy looked sharply over to Tracer, whose mouth was hanging open in a petrified gawk.
“He’s very...” Mercy was trying to eke words out of herself as Genji sliced off the head of one training bot with his sword then stabbed it through with his wakizashi before pivoting and smashing another training bot’s head with the skewered head of its compatriot. “...enthusiastic?”
Genji’s breaths were ragged and his forearms were quaking with how hard his hands were gripping his sword and wakizashi, surrounded by the sparking broken bits of training bots, his shoulders rising and falling with his breaths. Tracer, Winston, and Mercy all flinched to attention at the sound of clapping next to them and looked to their right to see Gabriel Reyes stick his thumb and forefinger in his mouth and whistle shrilly before clapping some more.
“Attaboy, Genji! Still got it!” Reyes called out to Genji and Genji seemed to pull himself out of a blood-drunk haze (or at least the robot-destroying equivalent of a blood-drunk haze), looking over his shoulder and then flinching to awkward attention himself as he noticed Reyes was now accompanied by Mercy, the gorilla, and... the newbie. 
His student.
Who looked about ready to either throw up or piss herself or both from what she had just seen him do.
Reyes was still clapping and smiling obnoxiously, Genji awkwardly lifted his wakizashi (smaller sword was less threatening, right?) and gave a small wave.
“Uh... yo,” he said.
“Er--excellent form, Genji!” Mercy raised her voice so he could hear her but it came out as a squawk, her desperation to try and diffuse the situation obvious in every intonation, “Very... efficient!” She had that ‘everything is going wrong but for the love of god be strong, Angela’ deliriously forced smile on her face, which he had seen both at 3 AM in the lab and at press conferences going down in flames.
“Thank you?” said Genji, sheathing both his sword and moving to walk toward them but then stumbling over a piece of broken training bot. He quickly recovered, straightened himself up to full height and walked briskly over to them before giving a stiff bow.
“So glad you could join us, Oxton,” said Reyes, turning to look at Tracer, his hands on his hips.
“Reyes?” Mercy’s voice was steel wire-tight, “May we speak?”
“Sure, Ange, what--” Reyes started but Mercy grabbed him by the loose sleeve of the hoodie and practically dragged him through the doors of the training area’s control room.
“Wait, shouldn’t we--” Tracer started feebly after them but the steel doors of the room slammed behind them. Tracer, Genji, and Winston all vaguely made out the muffled sounds of Mercy yelling at Reyes on the other side of the doors. 
“What were you thinking?! What was that?!”
“What are you yelling at me for? I just thought he should get a little warmed up and the newbie should get some idea of--”
“Some idea of what?! We’ve only barely scratched the surface of the effects the chronal disassociation is having on her physical abilities and you’re throwing up these warzones like---”
“Hey, I just set up his usual training bot session, Doc, you got a problem with Genji’s style, you take that up with him--”
“I don’t have a problem with Genji’s ‘style’--! I--Don’t act like you don’t know what you’re doing---! Is this some other play?! Are you--”
Winston cleared his throat. “We should probably...”
“Right..” said Tracer a little sheepishly.
The three of them edged away from the steel doors. Genji glanced over at Tracer, who didn’t seem to know whether to even look at him as they walked themselves out of earshot of the argument.
“So you’re the new recruit from the flight program,” said Genji, folding his arms and trying to sound as casual as possible.
“Ah...y-yeah!” Tracer blurted out. She cleared her throat and stuck her hand out, “Lena Oxton! Callsign Tracer! Reporting for du--” blue light suddenly flared brightly around her from the glowing object on her chest and she seemed to catch herself, clearing her throat, “er... reporting for duty,” she said extending her hand again, which had somehow jerked back to her side with the blue glow.
Genji moved to extend his organic hand, found that that would be awkward with the hand Tracer had chosen to shake with, then hesitantly extended his prosthetic. She shook his hand so hard it jostled up his whole arm before she caught herself and withdrew her hands to her side, clearing her throat.
“Ah so that’s...” Genji started.
“Yeah it’s a thing,” said Tracer, glancing down.
“Well...” Genji gestured up and down himself, “This... is also a thing.”
“I can see that,” said Tracer with a bit of a nervous giggle. They both gave a glance to Winston. 
“Oh!” Winston perked up and started unconsciously signing as he spoke, “I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. Winston. I’ll be on the science team overseeing Tracer’s condition with the chronal accelerator. Along with Doctor Ziegler. So we’ll be watching while you’re training together!”
“I see,” said Genji, “And you’re...”
“From the moon,” said Winston.
“From the moon,” Genji repeated, both of them silently agreeing that they didn’t have to go into the ‘gorilla’ part of things. He glanced back at Tracer. “Look--” Genji started but then caught himself, “I--if I scared you back there...”
“You didn’t scare me!” Tracer blurted out.
Both Genji and Winston gave her steady looks and Tracer stiffened her shoulders slightly, “I mean... y’know it’s... nothing I can’t handle. Really!” she put her hands on her hips and huffed, “You’re pretty tame compared to some of the things I’ve seen,” she said. She was trying to inject an adventurous sense of swagger into her voice, but her youth undermined a lot of that. 
Genji tilted his head slightly, studying her, and she made eye contact but didn’t sustain it for too long. He was used to that at this point. The red eyes were off-putting for a lot of people, but then his eyes flicked to Winston, then down at the chronal accelerator glowing in Tracer’s chest. There was something simultaneously familiar and alienating standing in their presence, and hearing the faint muffled sounds of Ziegler and Reyes arguing on the other side of the door, there was a spark of kinship between the three of them. Three people who wouldn’t have any place in the world without Overwatch.
“So how do we start?” said Tracer.
“Start?” said Genji, “Now?”
“Well, Doctor Z said you already went through all this stuff to re-learn coordination with all your...” Tracer gestured up and down at him, “Whatnot. And I figure, the sooner for me, the better, right? So lesson one, Teach! Let’s hear it!”
“Uh...” Genji rubbed the back of his head.
“Perhaps you could begin with assessment?” Winston suggested, “Establish what level of combat training Tracer should start with?”
The fastest way to do that is sparring, Genji thought and he got a horrifying mental image of Ziegler and Reyes emerging from their argument in the control room only to walk in on him punching Morrison’s beloved time-hopping newbie in the face.
“The first step to training is.... establishing the training space!” Genji blurted out. He vaguely remembered some lectures from his Shimada clan trainers indicating something similar, but the force that propelled those words from his mouth were more of the ‘70% panic’ variety.
“Establishing the training ground?” Tracer tilted her head.
“You can’t train in a cluttered space,” Genji pointed at the countless broken bits of training bots strewn across the training grounds, “You can start by cleaning those up.”
“...isn’t that your mess?” said Tracer.
“Who’s the teacher here?” said Genji, folding his arms.
“Right! Of course! Sorry!” said Tracer with a sharp salute before zipping off in a blue streak. Genji flinched hard at how inhumanly fast she moved and she seemed to catch herself as well, skidding to a halt on her heels. “Winston!” she called out excitedly, “Did you see that!? I did the thing! I did the speedy thing again!! I didn’t even think about it!! You’re such a good teacher, Genji!”
“I know,” said Genji, trying to look off stoically as Tracer zipped around the training grounds, picking up broken training bot bits and laughing between flashes of blue light.
“...you don’t know what ‘the speedy thing’ is, do you?” said Winston, very quietly.
“No,” Genji replied, also very quietly.
“You’re making this up as you go along,” Winston said flatly.
“It’s called ‘adapting,’” said Genji. He could still feel Winston’s eyes on him, skeptical. “I can adapt,” Genji said, mostly to himself as Tracer threw a bunch of training bot parts into a recycling bin with a loud clatter.
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solactier · 3 years
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This one’s for you @heytherestilinski
This is going to be quite the mixture of emotions, so I apologise in advance if my expression of said feelings is all over the place, but I simply must talk about the golden fanfiction that is Heat Waves and how it has swayed my soul with sounds of sweet bells.
To start, I should say, I’ve been in love with writing and reading for as long as I can remember. The ability to weave an entire world with mere threads of words is fascinating to me, always has been. I’ve taken in quite the number of books and fanfictions throughout my period of living, and considering so, I can confidently say:
Dakota’s writing is a force to be reckoned with.
But the force I speak of is the kind that is emitted from ember sunrises that one witnesses during moments between summer and autumn. They hold a certain glow that keeps a person sat there, for incessant hours, in pursuit of a special warmth that will leave them settled and content.
I have never been captured and pulled in by a descriptive style more than I was with Dakota’s, and I say this having read a multitude of her work. This author is admirable in a multitude of ways, and I’m genuinely excited for anything and everything they will produce in the upcoming future. 
I could ramble for a good bout of time about many of Dakota’s works, but that would result in a document longer than Dream’s 19 page rebuttal, so let’s focus on one (for now).
Heat Waves
Two words that hold a grand amount of weight and cause hearts to shift.
I have a lot to say about this prosperous and glorious story, but at the same time I don’t because upon finishing a chapter, be it one of the first or the last, I am rendered speechless. My words of explanation and admiration morph into vibrations of zeal flowing through my veins as I absorb beautiful descriptions and powerful dialogue.
Heat Waves chapters aren’t ones I find myself totally rereading often, and here’s why:
When reaching the end of whatever chapter and scrolling through the final notes, I am left satisfied, completely. Dakota’s style is captivating in a way that allows me to read their sentences and phrases carefully and attentively, making sure the picture painted in my mind is as accurate as possible. I will encounter a certain, strong line and read it again, and again, and again before continuing on as to ensure I consume the sentiment being served, and mind you, it was served.
I came here at first expecting the usual or normal plate-size of feelings, but oh was I wrong, I was quenched, fully fed, if you will lol.
The reason for that is this narrative is not your typical fanfic troupe.
Heat Waves is a story about messy, unpredictable love, and that’s what makes it as enthralling as it is. It is poetic as it is real.
It’s thrilling lust turned to excruciating yet oh so warm love.
Dream misses and wants to hold onto George’s presence regardless of the pain it causes him, of the internal conflicts that have suddenly surfaced, of the changes he must face and make, of the haunting dreams. 
Even if George’s actuality distresses and brings Dream affectionate confusion, he will still reach for him. He will hurt and hurt and hurt in order to grasp the heat he’s grown a little too addicted to because he prefers when George is around, rather than when he isn’t. 
Dream’s mind spirals and his feelings scatter over interactions due to him knowing George very well, yet not knowing him at all. The two could flirt and exchange the most ridiculous of dialogue and nothing would change, and that’s where a certain dilemma is contrived: How much of this is real? What is considered serious among the numerous jokes him and George make? How far is he allowed to go? All of these questions tug at the curves of Dream’s brain and heart, and he is unsure about much, but despite that, he finds himself thinking all about George, during late nights, in the middle of June. 
Dream undergoes a series of emotional disputes over whatever the fuck is happening between himself and George, and that, my friends, is the heartache that comes from truly having feelings for someone and wanting their every speckle. Of course, such strong desires can sometimes be unhealthy. Dream, at one point, is a bad friend to Sapnap (whom we all must agree to stan because damn sir your back must be hurting from carrying your two idiot friends’ passionate but disordered baggage. a king) by ignoring his calls and messages due to being caught up, tied, and trapped in the strings of yearning. This one guy is doing so much damage to Dream, but he’s fallen too far down the pit of affection to care, in fact, he luxuriates in it.
(I also honestly do not blame Dream for playing the song on loop, because same, really does make you feel things)
Dream loves George. He loves George so much that the simplest of phrases and statements set his nerves ablaze and sparks his soul with hope.
It’s so painful but so fucking invigorating.
Which is why, at one point or another, he must learn to let go, not completely, but enough to stop the analysing and obsessing and sweating and dreaming, and that’s what’s so enticing about this tale, that among the reaching, there must be patience in order to reach something stable. Dream has been going insane for far too long, pouring his heart out to the one he so desires, but with such want comes uncertainty and surprises. Who the hell would’ve thought George had feelings for Dream for a good while before reeling himself in, only for his emotions to be stimulated with affection all too unexpectedly.
and who would’ve foreseen the slap of pure angst that were chapters 9 and 10, George’s hopeful rejection.
We read the two flirt, smile and laugh until their chests ached, connect, talk and call for hours, send fucking snapchats to eachother, telling sentimental stories, and much more.
All for Dream to crumble, piece by piece, until he is on the floor and crying over missing a chance he’s been so desperately trying to take. After what felt like a blooming relationship, Dream is seen breaking.
Because George wasn’t ready.
Because George was hit by a sudden wave of emotion that is so confusing and overwhelming and what the fuck Dream.
Yet, not all has been lost. The blazing fire of yearning may have been rained on, but it has not gone out.
Because it’s not a no, it’s a not yet.
And I cannot tell you the power such a statement holds. It was such a simple phrase, yet it shook my core as it delivers something raw, something hopeful, something to look forward to and have you inhaling a breath of longing because embers are still sparking and maybe, maybe, that chance isn’t completely out of Dream’s reach.
He just has to work on listening, bettering himself, healing and reaching a point of self-contentment. A point where he knows: he’s right for George, he’s enough for George. And the same goes for the latter.
Everything is so messy and destructive and confusing, yet they still reach.
And that, that, is such a raw form of love that it left my chest tight. They both want to be the best for eachother. They want to work and try for eachother despite the pain it may bring. They wait, and with their patience comes progression, which slowly but surely, will turn into comfort.
And to have the ability to articulate and describe such a journey is insane in every sense of the world. This story takes your collection of emotions and rattles it, making you feel so much at once that when ending a reading session, you release a satisfactory breath.
It didn’t end with attained love, or accepting confessions, or a romantic moment during the visit, or promises of kisses, or whatever cliche closing you could think of.
It ended with two friends saying “see you soon”
And that was perfect.
Perfect enough leave me, the reader, content and in awe. Because this is a slow and difficult love, one that will simply need time, as time is what will heal.
I couldn’t have asked for a better ending. Dakota is truly an inspiration.
Thank you, for creating and sharing such a masterpiece of a story, and having your readers go through the entire spectrum of emotions.
I cannot wait for Helium.
:)
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millennialfangirl · 4 years
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Kind and Generous (mid & post 7x10 oneshot)
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Fandom: Agents of Shield
Pairing: Daisy x Daniel
Rating: Mature & NSFW
Word Count: 3,027
Author’s Note: Hello, all! This is my first foray into Dousy mature content (aka smut). I’m really excited about it, but also nervous, because it’s been several years since I’ve written smut, or much of anything. 
This title and fic are inspired by the song “Kind and Generous” by Natalie Merchant (hello 90′s), and the sheer pure goodness of one Agent Daniel Sousa. I hope yall enjoy! Comments are treasured!
~Kind and Generous~
Daniel takes the large duffle that’s a lot heavier than she made it seem. He smiles to himself at convincing her to let him take it off her shoulders, and heads down the hallway in the direction of the bunks. Once he reaches them, he places his bag in one, and then goes out to look for a bunk for Daisy. Realizing he doesn’t know which one she might want, he turns back in the direction of the lab room he had left the two women in. 
He doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, but just as he’s approaching the door, he hears his name. The next thing he hears takes his breath away, causing him to pause outside the door, and stay hidden.
“You kissed Agent Sousa?” Simmons exclaims in a loud whisper. 
“Hey, hey, keep your voice down. Nobody knows, not even him.”
Daniel ponders what could possibly be wrong with Daisy, because he damn sure would know if they had kissed. The desire and thought of doing it had been lingering in his mind since she saved his tail back on the train, assuring him that they were, in fact, the good guys. Why would she fabricate something like that and share it with Agent Simmons?
“How is that possible? What do you mean he doesn’t know?”
“Remember the whole time loop situation I was just in...yea.”
“What does this mean? Do you like him? Are you going to tell him?”
Even outside of the room, he can hear Daisy take a deep breath before sighing. He can’t believe that they had kissed, and he had the dumb luck of forgetting it. 
“Of course I like him. He’s a good man. Even if the SHIELD files didn’t prove that, he was by my side in every time loop, even sacrificed himself a couple of times just so I wouldn’t die and reset my memory. He’s solid...and it doesn’t hurt that he’s got that James Dean, Cary Grant Hollywood vibe going.”
“He is rather dreamy. That’s so exciting...why do I feel like there’s a but?”
“Because...you know my past. Look at how many people that get near me die. I barely know him, but somehow I don’t think I could lose him. And besides, we just ripped him from his home, everything he knew. For all I know, he’s in love with someone back in 1955.”
All he can hear is Simmons’ exasperated, “Daisy,” as he backs away from the door, back to the bunk he had put his things in. He takes the time to think over everything he heard while putting away the few things he has on his person. 
He’s lost in thought when he hears the thud of familiar combat boots approaching his door. Daisy knocks on the door frame softly, and he looks up to see her in the doorway looking calm and collected.
“So, where’d you put my stuff, then I’ll be out of your way so you can get some rest.” 
He gestures to the floor by the door where he had dazedly put her duffle. 
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know which bunk you wanted. I was going to come find you after I got settled.”
 “That’s alright,” she brushes off as she moves to grab the bag. 
He’s there in an instant, picking it up and hoisting it on his shoulder.
“Show me the way.”
She gives him a once over, clearly scrutinizing his actions before shrugging.
“I was thinking I’d just go right across the hall, actually.”
He follows her the few steps across the tile hall and into the room. Without being told, he deposits the large duffle on her bed. 
“That was easy enough,” he says, wiping his hands together as if he had just lifted fifty bales of hay. 
“Thanks.” 
“No problem...actually, do you mind if we talk for a minute.”
“Sure. You doing alright? Are you ready to abandon ship and try to go start a new life?”
Daniel finds it incredibly sad that her first assumption is that he wants to leave. He finds it sad that she doesn’t seem bothered by it, more like she was expecting it. He can see the careful mask she’s placed to hide her fears. 
“I’m doing great actually, and I think I’m right where I need to be.” 
Daisy startles, and her mask of kind indifference drops. 
“Oh...okay. Um, in that case, what did you need?”
He takes a couple of steps closer while carefully deciding what he should say. He doesn’t want to spook her. He doesn’t want to push her. He just wants her to know that he’s there, available, waiting for the right time. 
“I just want you to know that there’s no one special back in ‘55. No one to write home to. I kind of married the job, resigned myself to bachelorhood,” he says while crossing his arms. He clears his throat before continuing, because he can see that she’s at a loss for words.
“Of course, I had close friends, family. My pop was still around. So when I say there are people I wish I could have said goodbye to, that’s who I’m talking about.” 
He can see the faintest blush rise on her cheeks, and he loves the way it makes her skin glow. 
“And um, why did you think I should know that?”
“So that when I tell you that I think you’re amazing, and that I want to get to know you better, and that I want to take you to dinner and see a film, if that’s something people still do in the 21st century...that you’ll believe me.” 
She brings her fingers up to her mouth, maybe remembering the kiss they had shared, or maybe covering up the grin that’s breaking through. Most importantly, she’s not backing away or rejecting his plans. If anything, she’s inched closer to him. 
“That’s a good reason.” 
“I thought so,” he agrees.
He takes her free hand, holding it in his. He lifts it to his mouth, brushing his lips softly against the top of her knuckles.
“I’m going to show you that you deserve good things. I promise,” he mumbles against her skin, turning and kissing the delicate underside of her wrist too, the promise of so much more implied.
She looks at him in awe, and he’s proud to have rendered her speechless. He lets her hand fall from his as he slowly backs up and turns to the door. Just as he’s about to walk out, he turns back around at the last minute.
She’s still standing there, staring at the place he once stood. 
“And Agent Johnson,” he starts, waiting for her to look up and meet his eyes. “I’d really like to kiss you on the lips and remember it, if that’s something you might be amenable to one day.”
He knows he’s playing dirty, but he loves the way her whole face goes red, realization that he’d heard their conversation dawning on her face. 
“I think I can be amenable to that.” 
“Good. I’ll go get some of that rest now.”
He turns on his heel, and can’t help the light whistle he blows as he moves to his room, closing the door behind him. For the first time since he woke up on the Zephyr, he feels like he’s got something to look forward to. 
***
Over the next few weeks, he does just that. He reminds her of what it is like to have a partner, to have someone to lean on. He picks her up after every fall, and he stands by her side in every fight.  And it isn’t like the almost simple, repeated tasks of the time loop. It’s the heavy, habitual pattern of everyday life, and the constant fear of the unknown. He is steady through it all.
They fall into like...into friendship...and then an instant anticipation of more. Secret glances and whispered conversations between missions. They can feel the hum of something big just underneath the surface. Daisy knew that as soon as the fighting stopped and the team could take a break, they would collide with each other like two trains on the same track. They were never supposed to cross paths, but someone, God, the universe...maybe time itself, switched their paths. Somehow, he’s everything she didn’t know she needed, and more. 
Their time of respite comes. They’re in a new future, one that’s unknown to them both, and their team, but the Lighthouse is still there. For better or worse, it’s their home for now. The team disperses, each of them seeking out long hot showers, comfort food, and the welcoming arms of someone they love. Daniel finds her combing through her wet hair, water droplets clinging to her skin. 
“We did it.”
“You did it,” he replies immediately.
But as kind and generous as that is to say, she knows she wouldn’t be here without him.
“No, we did it.” 
He silently acquiesces with a nod. 
She stands up, tugging the thin robe she had put on after her shower more tightly around her. She pivots to place her brush on the outdated, built-in 70’s dresser. 
She can feel the air shift, and she’s only a little surprised to find him right in front of her when she turns back around. 
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
“You feeling okay? You hurt much?” he asks, always concerned, his eyes raking over her body.
“No. Just a little tired," she assures him.
“Good,” he replies, like she placed the last puzzle piece or connected the last dot. 
She is surprised when he grasps her waist and pulls her flush against him. Without hesitation, their mouths meet, and it’s so much better than her memory of the time loop. He’s giving so much to the kiss, exposing himself down to the bones.
“I made you a promise.”
He lifts her wrist up and starts a slow ascent up her arm, sliding the sleeve of her robe up as his mouth picks up where he left off weeks ago.
“I’d like to follow through on that now, if it’s okay with you.” 
She can barely nod as he gently pulls the knot loose that’s holding her robe closed. He doesn’t pull it off, he doesn’t look, he just places a warm hand on her bare stomach, and then moves his lips to her cheek. 
Her eyes sting under his careful touch. She’s never been touched like this. 
Where there was once an impassioned frenzy, now there’s a languid tenderness. Exploration, experimentation. Admiration. Daisy can feel it all coming off of him in waves, all tactile devotion. 
She needs this. She needs to feel loved, not for her power, or her fighting, but for her soft edges and fragile heart. 
Suddenly his arms are wrapped around her tight, one hand protectively on her back, the other buried in her hair, cradling her head. She can’t help but sag against him, feeling the last vestiges of fight or flight leave her system, a heavy weight unburdening itself from her shoulders. Somehow, this hug is more intimate than anything she’s experienced. They stand there for a minute, soaking up the silence and peace.
And then she’s in the moment, and she can feel him pressed against her everywhere, strong and solid and safe. Static crackles over her skin as he dips his head to her neck. Everything but his touch disappears, and her robe drops to the floor.  
He picks her up like he did in the barn, and they settle on the bed with her in his lap. His lips are back on hers, and his fingers are brushing down the side of her face, then her neck. She whimpers when they finally graze her breast, a gentle swirl over her nipple. He becomes reacquainted with her neck then, sucking and nipping while his fingers trace the sides of breast. He cups her whole, his hand encompassing her entirely. That long forgotten warmth draws down to her abdomen, and her inner walls clinch in anticipation. 
“So beautiful,” she can hear him murmur into her neck while his hand continues to massage her rhythmically. 
Weeks of want and anticipation since that first forgotten kiss has her desperate. The sudden shock of his affection wears off, leaving room for her to pull his face back up so she can kiss him properly. His responding moan delights her when she slips her tongue in his mouth. His gentle control waivers, and she’s rewarded with a slightly painful pinch to her hardened nipple. Her hips buck and her legs spread, begging for attention. 
He’s still cradling her head as he leans back from the kiss to look into her face. It’s not her lack of clothing making her feel vulnerable, rather the intense stare he maintains as his hand finds its way to her parted legs. A strangled gasp leaves her at the first touch of his fingertips to her entrance. She can see his eyes dance around her face, watching every reaction to his exploration. 
A digit gathers moisture, and circles her entrance. She can’t help but let her eyes slip closed as that finger disappears within her. He goes shallow at first as he maps her out. 
“Daniel…” she hears herself whimper, and she’s not sure she’s ever heard herself sound like that before.
Her hand grips his forearm, nails digging in as she looks up at him in wonder and need. 
“Whatever you need,” he quietly promises.
And she feels that burning sensation behind her eyes again. Her hand slides down to his.
“Don’t stop,” she instructs while gently pushing him deeper. 
A tear escapes down her cheekbone as he starts to circle her deep inside. 
Her right arm wraps around his waist while her left hand continues to cling to his, feeling him push in and out of her in steady, sure strokes. She holds him tightly and can’t help but arch up against his ministrations, which makes it easier for his head to tip down and latch onto a nipple. A light wave travels through her, and she knows she’s already getting close. 
He must know it too, because his middle finger becomes more sure of itself as he curls it up. He pulls away from her breast, and kisses the tear away. He watches her as she starts to come undone, his thumb circling her clit, lighting her up in a whole new way. 
She bites her lip, and her legs tense up waiting, and waiting for that drop. Her stomach quivers, along with a few things around the room. His finger works her over faster and harder.
“C’mon, come for me. Let go.”
Her stomach shakes and she gasps out a broken cry. Her walls flutter and collapse around him.
“That’s it...that’s it. Just like that,’ he encourages her.
She rides out her release in blissful fulfillment. 
She should feel shy and embarrassed as she comes down from her high, but there’s no room for that when she meets his kind eyes and flushed cheeks. He’s smiling, wide and happy, and Daisy’s never been the girl to feel giddy and romantic, but she does. 
He slowly withdraws from her, and she can feel her dampness on his hand as it trails back up her body. He lays her down finally, and kisses her softly, almost timid. 
He props up on an elbow and looks down at her. 
“Was that…” he tries to get out, clearing his throat.
“Was that good? Did you enjoy it?”
She can’t help the toothy, silly grin that splits her face, or the tired, satisfied stretch she lets out as she nods in affirmation.
“It was perfect.”
“I’m glad.”
He leans down and nuzzles her nose, peppering soft kisses across her face. 
But then he’s getting up, pulling back the starchy sheets and blanket. Before she realizes it, he’s tucking her in, his hand brushing her hair out of her face. 
“Hey...where are you going? I want to take care of you,” she whines while pulling on his arm.
He sits on the edge of the mattress and tangles their fingers together. He kisses them lightly while gazing down at her. 
“There’ll be plenty of time for that later. In fact, I’d like to take you out on a date, remember?”
“But--” 
“You should be resting.”
She’s not pleased with the turn of events, but even she can admit how heavy her eyelids are getting. She doesn’t want him to leave though. She’s selfishly wanted him back by her side, sleeping next to her, just like he did with the healing pod.
“Okay, but will you stay?” she asks. And maybe she bites her lip and gives him her best puppy dog eyes.
She knows he’s caved, the minute he sighs and let’s his head drop down in a rueful grin. 
“I knew you were going to be trouble, with a capital ‘T’.”
She laughs and excitedly slides over, pulling back the sheets for him. She feels a rush of pride when she sees him falter, staring at her still naked form. He blinks out of his daze and immediately pulls the basic t-shirt he’s wearing over his head.
It’s her turn gulp when he hands it to her.
“I’ll stay, but you gotta put that on,” he demands as he turns around.
“You are such a square,” she teases, but does as he says. 
He turns back as she settles back into the bed.
“I’m going to go grab some water. Want some?”
So, so kind and generous. 
“Yes, please.”
“You got it. I’ll be right back.” 
She watches him go and relaxes. Fatigue settles into her bones. She must have drifted off, because she startles awake when she feels someone settle behind her on the mattress, the room dark and quiet.
“It’s just me,” he reassures her, and tugs her close against him. 
She smiles into the darkness when he kisses her cheek. 
“I’m going to thank you properly, Agent Sousa...for everything.” 
“I look forward to it, Agent Johnson.”
******************
Ta Da! 
Would anyone like a follow up with a first date?
(pssst...there’s probably going to be a smutty first date follow up)
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Text
“Under the Knife” - Part 9
“Under the Knife” - Part 9
My Masterlist - Here
Story Masterlist - Here
My Tag List - Here
Hannibal Lecter x Reader, Will Graham x Sister!Reader
Word Count: 4,300-ish
Key: Chunks of text in italics are (Y/N)’s thoughts. Y/N = Your Name, H/C = Your Hair Color, E/C = Your Eye Color
Warnings: Cursing, Violence, Torture, Stress/Anxiety
Summary: You are Will Graham’s sister who works with him at the FBI. When you get offered a job promotion, life starts to change. Some changes for the better; Some for the worst.
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Author’s Note: This is it! The big moment! There will be one more chapter after this! 
Thank you all so much for the love and support this story has provided. I haven’t gotten this good of a reaction to my writing in awhile and it honestly moved me to tears and motivated me to write more. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you thank you thank you.
This is beta-read by @theeactress​, but please let me know if there is something that we missed or that we should look at again! 
If you would like to be tagged in any of my future pieces, check out my tag list above and let me know! And as always, feedback is greatly appreciated!
<3
- DreaSaurusREX
Tag List: @fruitloopzzz @theeactress @melconnor2007 @ashenfallsof @geeksareunique @all-by-myself98 @sj-thefan​ @fuck-your-bad-vibes-dude​ @ntlmundy​ @a-person-unlabled​ @germansarechill​ @rentheanonymous​ @liadamerondjarin
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“Good evening, Henry.” Hannibal appeared to be calm despite the fact that a literal serial killer was in his dining room with a loaded pistol. 
You on the other hand could barely breathe. It was as if your lungs had shrunk to half their natural size. Although it hurt, you forced yourself to take as close to normal breaths as you could. Panicking wouldn’t help the situation at all. Slowly, your hand found its way to your ring and you were able to focus all of your anxious energy there. 
Staying calm was easier with Hannibal here. While you couldn’t take your eyes off of Henry, who was still aiming his pistol at you, hearing and feeling Hannibal’s more placid presence kept you from losing it.
“May I ask why you are pointing a gun at my partner, Henry?” Hannibal monotone but amiable voice spoke. 
As much as you wanted to go over the fact that Hannibal had just called you his partner and distinguish which definition of ‘partner’ he meant, your focus was on Henry and trying to figure out how best to handle the situation.
“Let’s call it a precaution, Dr.Lecter.” Henry was looking at Hannibal, but then unsettlingly shifted his sights on you. “Now, (Y/N), I just want to talk.”
You couldn’t bring yourself to form words. You had no idea how to handle this situation. Figuring out the small details that a killer leaves behind at a crime scene or profiling a person based on their mannerisms was easy. But doing it in real time while the person in question has a fucking gun aimed at your chest? Where the hell do you even begin?
Hannibal saw your distress through your attempt at a neutral mask. He started to stand up and speak, trying to get the attention off of you long enough for you to figure something out.
“How about we--” Henry very quickly aimed the gun at Hannibal and shouted over him. You jumped in your seat and watched Hannibal’s interaction.
“Sit! Down!” There was obvious annoyance and anger in Henry’s voice. 
You tried to look at him as if he wasn’t physically there.
How would you advise an agent to interrogate someone like Henry? What would they have to be careful of? What buttons did he have that could be pushed for their advantage?
Hannibal held up his hands in an effort to show that he meant no harm (yet) as he slowly sat back down. Henry took off a backpack that you only just now realized he was wearing and blindly reached in, keeping his eyes on you and Hannibal. He quickly found what he was looking for and tossed it onto the table in front of you, landing on your plate. The noise of the heavy object hitting the porcelain made you jump again. 
“Shut him up.” You took a shaky breath as you looked down to what was thrown at you. A medium sized roll of duct tape had shoved your lemon covered salmon off your plate and left a crack underneath. “Go on, (Y/N)!” 
You took a deep breath in, knowing that if you didn’t do this simple thing, one of you was going to be shot. You couldn’t fight the shakiness in your hands that the adrenaline manifested itself as. Lifting up the tape you unwound a piece that was large enough to cover Hannibal’s mouth and please Henry. The screech of the tape made you tense up. 
Turning in your seat, you faced Hannibal. His face showed no sign of uncertainty. But when you looked into his eyes, you saw beneath his mask. He was worried, not about himself or the fact that Henry had gotten to the two of you. Instead, he was worried about you. 
“It’ll be alright, my love.” Hannibal spoke loud enough for you to hear. His words didn’t completely ease the intensity of the scene, but it did give you some hope. Hope that after all of this, you would be able to hear him call you that more often.
You nod and blink back the beginnings of tears that had wormed their way forward. Being as gentle as you could, you smoothed the tape onto Hannibal’s mouth, rendering him silent until the predator in the room allowed him to speak. You kissed his cheek before settling back down in your seat, you look back at Henry to see him pleased with your work.
“Now,” Henry moved closer to you, now within a couple feet and the gun even closer to your chest than you’d like. “I want to know what you think, Miss Graham.” 
Henry poked the gun at your shoulder on the word ‘you,’ causing you to fearfully close your eyes and let out a shaky breath through your nose. You couldn’t see, but Hannibal was watching with a careful gaze and a tensed jaw as Henry invaded your space. You attempted to look composed as you faced Henry.
“About what, Mr.Urik?”
“That’s Dr.Urik to you! And what else would I want to talk about? Me, of course!”
“Why do you want to know what I think about you, Dr.Urik? I’m not a doctor by any means.”
“I know you’re not a doctor. That is precisely why I want to know what you think of me and my work.” Henry lifted his free hand to put pressure on the left side of his head as he painfully closed his eyes. He was visibly getting annoyed that you weren’t giving him what he wanted quick enough, which you assumed was bringing back his headaches. 
This is good! Keep thinking like this! Just do what you would do if you were talking to Jack or Hannibal about Henry! Please him for now and maybe you can figure out a way to get out of this shit alive.
You look at Hannibal for reassurance. He nods his head slowly and takes a visibly bigger breath to try and encourage you to do the same. You mirror his movement and find your starting point.
“Well, the first thing I notice is that you’re early.”
“What do you mean?” You could tell that Urik was thrown off by your beginning statement even though he kept his eyes closed and rubbed the side of his head. Hannibal was watching with slight amusement as you tried to knowingly talk with a serial killer face-to-face. His mind worked on a way to disarm Henry and save you from the spotlight while you spoke.
“You’ve been pretty consistent with killing right around every two weeks. You still have a few days before the next two week mark. Which either means that you are getting addicted to the feeling, or your headaches are getting worse.”
At this, Henry’s eyes shot open and he leaned closer to you, pushing the barrel of the gun into your sternum.
“You said you’re not a doctor. So how the fuck--” The pain in your chest now elevated thanks to a literal gun being shoved against it while the unease of this whole show was taking its toll on your lung capacity. But you pushed through and interrupted him, giving him more information that you knew, refusing to give Henry the fear response that he craved and instead tried to go for an ‘understanding’ point of view.
“Dr.Everet was no help to you, so he referred you to Dr.Lecter for therapy after hearing that your medical practice was shut down for what I’m sure was bullshit reasoning, and an eye doctor to see if your headaches were correlated to something like an ocular migraine. But then your eye doctor, Dr.Chasten couldn’t find anything, leaving you deflated as you were then sent to another doctor, Dr.Loriet. He was supposed to find something in your inner ear or sinuses that could explain all of this. He is-- was an ENT specialist after all. You’d think he’d find something, right?”
“Exactly!” Henry pulled out the chair next to you and sat down, finally relieving the physical pressure of the gun off your sternum. “That asshole just ran his tests so he could take my money and then send me to another fucking ‘professional’ and have them do the same thing” 
You could tell that your angle of trying to talk to him as an equal was working as Henry settled in a bit comfortably in the chair. The only major hostile game piece was the gun that was still in play.
Hannibal knew what you were doing and was impressed. At this point, you were feeling slightly more confident in what you were saying and how you were saying it. You knew you still had a lot of work to do to maybe have a chance of getting you and Hannibal out of this alive, but it's better than no chance.
“And Dr.Pencalt, he--” You started as calmly as you could but Henry interrupted, sounding like a child who was in trouble and angry about it.
“Was a load of horseshit.” You turned to face Henry more, now sitting side saddle in the chair, a nonverbal trick to let him think that you were really interested in what he had to say. The only downside was that Hannibal was now completely out of your view behind you. 
“He was your last hope, wasn’t he?” At that, Henry’s leg started to bounce. Obviously that statement resonated something within him, he spoke louder and more emotional than before.
“Motherfucker was supposed to be the best of the best and finally run the procedures that I’ve been askin’ for since this pain started. A goddamn neurologist. He should have--” 
“He did the tests though, right?”
“He took my money, shoved me into machines, poked and prodded me, only to tell me the same shit that all of them were saying.” 
“That it's all in your head?” You crossed your legs and leaned forward just slightly, taking on a sort of motherly tone, trying to solicit a softer and non-lethal response from Henry. 
Apparently that didn’t work. 
Henry slammed his fist on the table, making you jump back in your seat, trying to get some distance away from him. You quickly looked over your shoulder to check on Hannibal. He quietly put a hand on your back for a moment; not only to keep you from falling backwards, but to also provide some comfort. Henry burst out, yelling louder than before, truly upset by your words bringing back memories. 
“Well of course it's in my head! They’re called headaches! So there has to be a reason they’re here and kicking my ass! And those bastards don’t want to tell me!” You could see angry tears forming in his eyes. 
Definitely not the reaction I was hoping for.
You heard movement behind you. It was very quiet, but you heard the fabric of Hannibal’s suit move. You weren’t sure what he was doing and you couldn’t look back to check and bring attention to it. When you look back at Henry’s eyes, you see them shift to Hannibal. Before he could look closer and see any movement, you shifted in your seat to cover Hannibal and try to distract Urik. 
“You-You’re using a gun for the first time! Which is different. Now I don’t think you actually plan on using that for both of us. You’re the Virginia Scalpel, not some lowlife gunman. But if you’re going to break your pattern and use that on anyone it would probably be… me. ” 
Luckily, with Henry being so emotionally all over the place, he was receptive to the attention you were giving him.
“You’re right. This is new. Brand new actually. It's called a Hardballer! You like it?” He sort of showed it off like a game show babe would show off a prize. The lights in Hannibal’s dining room shined off the stainless steel barrel and absorbed into the dark handle base. You feigned fascination to try and keep Henry happy.
“It's beautiful! I mean, I would like it more if it wasn’t aimed at me, but I guess it's nice given the circumstances.”
Henry made a face and then, much to your surprise, uncocked the gun and put it on the table behind him, far enough away where you nor Hannibal could reach it. You watched him carefully as he leaned closer to you, trying to figure out what he was planning on doing next. He got to a certain point where you had to turn your face away because of how close he was getting. You quickly made eye contact with a very tensed up Hannibal. His eyes looked like those of a wolf: Dark, hungry, and protective.
Hannibal had been somewhere in the middle of being a curious bystander and a possessive guardian. This pig was threatening someone that Hannibal deemed to be his, whether you knew it or not. And that was a dangerous game to play with him.
As quickly as you made eye contact with your love, you were snatched away. Warm and rough fingers tightly gripping your chin, forcing you to look at Urik. When your fear-filled eyes met his, you felt the threatening chill of a scalpel being pressed against your cheek.
“Would you prefer this instead, miss Graham? 
At this point, you couldn’t stop a dreadful tear slipping out and racing down your face, only to be met with the blade that was now pressing into your cheek. You felt the tip of the small knife poke through your skin just enough to start minor bleeding. A fear riddled whimper escaped your throat against your will. This kicked Hannibal into gear.
You heard motion behind you as Hannibal reached for the knife that he was using to cut into his salmon just a few moments ago. You braced yourself for whatever Hannibal was planning, expecting something to happen from behind you. Instead, you felt the scalpel drag through your cheek and across the cheekbone, earning you a lengthy gash. Henry had stood up and brought his knife up to point directly at Hannibal’s throat.
“Ah-ah-ah. Hands where I can see them, doctor. You’ll have your turn. Right now, I want to talk more with (Y/N).” You heard the knife drop behind you, Henry then taking the time to swipe away everything in front of Hannibal, leaving him weaponless.
You were now visibly shaking, something you were trying to avoid, knowing it would just fuel Henry. But you were losing hope in your ability to get out of this alive. You couldn’t see it, but Hannibal was furious that he couldn’t do anything to help you without putting your life at risk. 
You were looking down, so you didn’t see the scalpel coming back towards your face. You had to stop yourself from jerking as you felt the cool metal under your chin, pushing your face up to look at your killer who stood in front of you now. 
“Stand up.” Henry commanded as he turned the surgical knife so now the sharp edge was against the underside of your chin making you stand slowly; afraid that if you went too quick, the scalpel would find its home in your throat.
With the risks being as high as they were now, you followed him until you could figure out another tactic or if Hannibal could somehow find a way to get out. The two of you didn’t go far; only a few steps from the table. Henry turned you around so you now faced Hannibal with your back pressed against Henry’s chest and the knife pushed against your throat. Hannibal could now see the few tears that had fallen and mixed with the blood that was slowly coming from the cut on your cheek. No one could see it in his eyes, but the primal and murderous rage was building inside of him, close to bursting. He just needed a clear path.
“You know, there is a reason as to why I kill the wives so quickly.” Henry spoke in your ear but still loud enough for Hannibal to hear, obviously an intimidation technique.
“Oh really?” Your voice wavered near the end.
“People say that a quick death is considered a mercy, which would mean that life is technically a form of torture. I am saving these partners from a tortuous life created by their husbands.”
“You do realize that Hannibal and I aren’t married, right?” You look at Hannibal and see him tilt his head slightly. 
To Henry, it looked like he was just making a movement to show he agreed with you. But you followed his head and his eyes to a point on the floor. When Henry had knocked everything off the table, he had failed to realize that a knife had fallen on the floor a foot and a few feet away from Hannibal. You took a deep breath in and gave a minuscule nod, which Hannibal read perfectly.
We’re getting out of this.
“Yes. But I also realize that there is that connection between you two.” As much as you detested Henry, you had to agree with him on this. There was a connection that you and Hannibal had that the two of you couldn’t ignore anymore. “And that's good enough for me.”
You felt Henry lock his feet in place, preparing to slice open your neck just like how you saw on Mrs.Pencalt. Before you could think too much, you blurted out the first thing that popped into your mind.
“I’m sorry, Henry!” You felt Henry stutter and stop out of confusion.
“What are you sorry for?” 
“For making your headache worse.”
Before he could fully process what you had said, you threw your head backward, pounding right into his forehead. Henry dropped his hand from your throat and pressed both of them to his head to try to ease the pain that had now grown exponentially. You pushed through the throbbing pain that radiated across the back of your head and elbowed him in his diaphragm, causing him to lean forward in pain as you launched towards the table. 
Henry forced himself to stand straight and try to refocus on you, letting out a string of expletives as he did. You quickly got to the gun, aimed, and pulled the trigger.
But nothing happened. No loud bang. No thud of a body hitting the ground. Nothing.
The gun was empty this whole fucking time.
You froze for a second, but that second cost you this fight. Henry grabbed you by your hair and swiftly crashed your head onto the table, knocking you unconscious.
Before Henry could end your life then and there, Hannibal expertly threw the knife from the floor at Henry, landing it in his left thigh. As he dropped his hold on you and his scalpel, Hannibal quickly stalked up to Henry; a true predator coming in to play with their food before the final kill. 
A tight fist meets Henry’s abdomen, knocking the wind out of him. As Henry leans forward in pain, he is met with Hannibal’s knee rushing to Henry’s face, surely breaking his nose. As he is bent down further, Henry reaches into his pocket and finds the syringe he had prepared earlier. He gets a better grasp of it before heaving himself at Hannibal, aiming the needle at his neck.
Hannibal quickly stepped to the side and caught Henry’s hand with the syringe in it. He bent Henry’s arm back until there was a loud pop and a scream of pain, resulting in Henry dropping the tube full of paralyzer into Hannibal's open hand. 
Henry felt a new wave of anger as his plan was falling apart.
With this second wind, Henry pulled the knife out of his leg with his uninjured hand and slashed at Hannibal, getting a slice across Hannibal’s hand. The unexpected cut caused Hannibal to recoil and let go of Henry’s wrist, but still managed to kick a heavy foot into the now open wound in Henry’s thigh. Henry faltered, giving Hannibal enough time to take the syringe and stick it into Henry’s neck, emptying the entirety of its contents into his system.
As Henry cried out in pain and involuntarily stumbled backwards, Hannibal walked close to where you were laying on the floor. He knew Henry dropped his scalpel near you. Hannibal was trying to keep his mind calm and focused on “handling” his unwelcome guest, but then his gaze fell on your limp body. Seeing you unconscious and not being able to clearly see if you were alive or not sent him over the edge. 
He would come to your side in just a minute. For now, he picked up the knife, ripped the duct tape from his mouth, and let the familiar bloodlust consume him.
Henry was mid-charge, kitchen knife in hand, when Hannibal kicked his leg out straight and knocked Henry on his ass once again. Hannibal sauntered closer as Henry wobbled, trying to get to his feet but finding it progressively harder and harder to get his muscles to move at his command. Nevertheless, Henry kept attacking even though he could almost no longer bend his right leg.
Hannibal could see just how quickly the paralytic was coursing through his victim, obviously some sort of mutated version of the basic drug in order to quicken the effects. He let a devious smirk flash on his face, causing a twitch of fear to soar through Henry’s heart for a second as he tried to lunge at Hannibal, knife aimed and ready to land in the middle of Hannibal’s chest. 
Before the kitchen knife could come close to Hannibal’s sternum, he reached and grabbed his wrist, twisting it harshly down to his side and pointed away from any potential contact, expecting Henry to drop the knife. Henry screamed but didn’t let go. He couldn’t let go. More and more of his body was being inhibited. Hannibal took this opportunity to follow in your footsteps and worsen Henry’s headache more. 
The quick but painful clash was enough to disorient Henry. He could barely even try to recover when Hannibal plunged the scalpel into Henry’s shoulder, using all of his force to dig it in further and further until he could feel the metal hit bone.
The kitchen knife dropped next to him as the scalpel went further and further into him. He looked down and chuckled, the effects of the paralytic kicking in.
“There is something ironic about the Virginia Scalpel being killed by his own tools. Don’t you think, Dr.Lecter?”
“I supposed there is. Or perhaps it is like you said, Dr.Urik: Life can be perceived as a form of torture. Yours has been torturous for you and others for long enough.” 
“Perfect.” Henry had used the last bit of muscle control he had left to get the last word and let out a pathetic chuckle.
Hannibal could feel Henry’s muscles tensing up and freezing, allowing him to toss Henry against a wall and watch him fall to the floor, unconscious and powerless. He took two quick deep breaths before rushing to your side.
He gently picked up your wrist and searched for a pulse. Once he found one, he let out a breath that he wasn’t aware that he was holding. He kept a hold of your wrist as he found his phone and dialed Jack Crawford’s number, letting your pulse be a grounding point for him. Hannibal was usually more put together during killings, but the added factor of your life being in danger threw him off his rhythm. 
“Dr.Lecter, I don’t have any update for you. I will let you know as soon as I--”
“I’m afraid I have an update for you, Jack. Henry Urik was in my home this evening. He attacked (Y/N) and me.” Hannibal looked away from you for a moment to glance at Urik’s stiff but barely breathing body against the wall. He took a deep breath in, making it sound like a defeated sigh. “Henry fled after I fought with him. He is injured, but he escaped and I do not know where he went.” 
“Are you alright?” Jack was now aware of the severity of the situation. Hannibal could hear him moving from wherever he was, preparing to make his way to Hannibal’s home.
“I have some minor injuries. But I’m afraid (Y/N) needs an ambulance. She is unconscious and most likely has a concussion. I’m doing what I can to stabilize her until we can get her to a hospital.” Hannibal reached up on the table and grabbed one of the cloth napkins, using it to clean up and apply some pressure to the slice that Henry had created on your face. 
“I’ll be there with a med team and backup soon.” Jack hung up as soon as the last syllable came out. Hannibal put his phone on the table. He then lightly caressed your face, bowing down and kissing your forehead before standing up.
Hannibal stretched his neck and rolled up the sleeves of his now cut and bloodied shirt. It wasn’t the first shirt of his to be ruined by blood, but he wasn’t anticipating this one joining the collection. Looking at the disaster that was his dining room table, he poured himself a glass of wine as he sighs, truly upset that his nice and planned evening with you went so sour. He then slowly turned and made his way to the corpse on the other side of the room.
Hannibal picked up the kitchen knife that had fallen out of Henry’s grasp during the final blow and moved it around in his hand until it was comfy again. 
“Now, Dr.Urik,” He squatted down next to Henry, dragging the knife across his stiff cheek as he took a sip of his wine before speaking. “What shall we do with you?”
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my-fan-side · 4 years
Text
Unconventional
A/N: Okay, so here’s the Eris-Nesta Friendship (but still Def Nessian) Fanfic that I’ve started drafting about a couple months ago, but went back to it just last week while cleaning up some of my file in folders.So anyway, I hope you guys like it. Thanks for those who have liked, reblogged and have shown interest on this fic. I appreciate it very much and you have no idea how much that means to me. :)
Chapter 1
When Beron Vanserra died, the crown was instantly passed to his eldest son Eris. How he died and to whose hands he had, was never questioned by anyone, any more. What everyone was concerned, and intrigued for that matter, was what’s in store for the future of Autumn Court under its new leadership.
The dead was honored, traditions was observed, the people of the Autumn court grieved, and High Lords from all other courts sympathized with them. But as they say, the end of an era, is a beginning of another. And so, after all the of mourning, a celebration is very looked forward to.
“Invitations! We’re all going to a Ball next week!” Elain came in bouncing towards her family and friends lounging on the townhouse’s foyer. Everyone looked up to her, and to her red head mate who carries a couple of boxes in his arms beside her.
“Already?! Just a week after his father’s death, and a gathering to celebrate his crown is already happening. Eager much, is he?” Mor snorted with a mix of amusement and irritation as she took one of the invitations and stroke its elaborate design.
“Well, He is already the High Lord of Autumn. He already became one, the moment Beron took his last breath. This is Coronation Ball is just for formality.” Rhysand pointed out as he sat beside his mate. Feyre was admiring the red and gold intricate swirls on the invitation as well. It is beautiful, and if the invitation alone looked this extravagant, she could only imagine what more the actual party would be.
Elain finished distributing the invitations and was now seated on the sofa beside Nesta and Cassian. She frowns on the inner circles’ reactions though. She expected them to be at least a little bit excited for the ball, since it’s been a while since they’ve attended one from a different court. She thought that the animosity between the group and Eris has already subsided. She won’t say it out loud, but she thinks it was a relief to all of them when the throne was transferred to him. They all knew that if not for Eris, some of the treaties between Autumn and Night court wouldn’t have pushed through. He has shown good faith these past years, so she’s not really sure what to feel on their reactions. Maybe she still hasn’t truly understood how deep does the scars run among these people.
Lucien opt not to comment and just rearrange the two boxes he was carrying by the table. He is used to these peoples’ dislike toward his brother, he doesn’t blame them, there’s history there. Still, he and his brother managed to establish a civil relationship for a while now. He wouldn’t say that they are now best brothers, but for now, at least they were on the same page on being at least friendly. At the beginning he bears it for their mother, but as time passes by, Eris managed to show them that he is a better male than his Father was.
“Well, Elain is right! It’s been a while since we all visited another court for a celebration. We have been busy these past few weeks. So, I, for one, is very excited to go party!” Cassian winked at Elain and it made her giggle, Nesta snort, and the rest of the gang shook head and roll their eyes.
“Speaking of. Nesta, this is for you, for the party.” Lucien handed the box to her.
“For me?” Nesta took the box unsure what to make of it.
“Yes, the other box is for Elain.”  Lucien confirmed and handed the other box to his mate.
“Hey! What about me?” Feyre protested with a pout from the other side of the room.
“Uhmm. Well, the one for Elain is actually from my mothers. A late birthday present since I’ve mentioned to her that last week was Elain’s birthday.” Lucien explained carefully, hoping not to upset his first Archeron friend. Meanwhile, Elain blushes on receiving that gift. She knows what’s in the box, she has already opened it when they were still on the Autumn court. It was a beautiful long dress, perfect for next week’s occasion.
“Uhhhh, so is this an advance birthday present for me too? From your mother? Because my birthday is still a couple of months from now, and I wasn’t aware she knows about it?” Nesta asked with raised brows. She’s confused on why Lucien’s mom would give her anything at all, what more, a present?
“Actually, it’s not exactly from mother. That – is from Eris, sort of. He told me to give you that.” Lucien said with a raised brow and a smirk. Elain bit her lip trying not to laugh. Not because of Nesta’s snort when Lucien said it was from Eris, but because of the rest of the Inner Circle’s reaction. They were all rendered speechless looking back and forth between Nesta and the gift box. Azriel and Amren with narrowed eyes. Rhysand with raised brows. Feyre and Mor probably didn’t even noticed their mouths agape. And Cassian, Nesta’s mate, who’s face went from shocked, then confused, then angry in just a matter of seconds, was frozen still.
Nesta, however, seems to be unaffected and probably amused on their reactions as well. She took the cover of the box, saw a card atop it and read it. What’s written made her snicker. And before she returned the card inside the box, Cassian grabbed it fast and read it aloud.
“Nesta.
Here’s a dress that I hope you’ll wear on my Ceremony. I know I can’t tell you what to do, I’ve learned my lessons. But, just because you’re from the Night court doesn’t mean you’ll wear black and white only. Or Gray like you usually do. Really, you should spice up your wardrobe a little, will you?
Eris.”
The letter sounds teasing enough that they can’t help but wonder how close Eris and Nesta have really become. And why the heck they didn’t know about it. Well except Elain and Lucien.
Cassian’s nostrils flared, and crumpled the piece of paper with Eris note. He was about to say something, when Nesta punched his arm, not that hard really, just to make him stop seething.
“Will you stop being territorial. Gods! It’s just a note!” Nesta rolled her eyes at his mate.
“Sweetheart, this...” he raised the crumpled notes towards Nesta. “…is just a note. “But that—”  he point his fingers towards the dress that’s still neatly folded inside the gift box. “--is not! Why the heck is Eris giving you a dress? And since when are you two friends? Why did I not know this? Wha—” He wasn’t able to finish his blubbering. Nesta put a finger on his lips to shut him up and answers his questions calmly.
“One, he’s giving me a dress because he wants to--- for some reason. Two, I can’t remember exactly when we started to get along, but it’s not like it happened the instant I have visited Autumn court as an Emissary. And three, well… I don’t know why you didn’t know. I guess it just never came up. It’s not like we talk about him that much. Do you want to talk about him?” Nesta finished her statement coolly and with a raised brow towards Cassian.
“No.” He grumbled, he’s annoyed and mad. Too many questions running through his mind.
“I do!” Feyre answered back. “I want to know how you are friends. I mean, you go to other courts too, but it’s not like you have close friends from every courts?” she said and then crossed her arms. She can’t believe her sister is actually friends with Eris. And they must be closer than just the casual acquaintances, because he was literally giving her gifts.
Nesta tilted her head towards Feyre and answered her evenly. “And how are you so sure I don’t?” She crossed her arms too and face her younger sister. Like a challenge. The others kept quiet eyeing the two having a staring match.
Then Nesta sighed and leaned back towards Cassian’s arms. “I don’t get why you’re all bothered about this. I can have friends outside this circle and this court, you know? Like you do.”
“We never said you can’t or don’t.” Rhysand clarified.
“Of course. Of course.  I guess it just caught us off guard. We didn’t know.” Feyre let it go and leaned back towards her mate as well. “But you do?!” she then turned her attention to her other sister. Pointing out that among all of them, she isn’t surprise with this.
Elain nods her confirmation. “Well, keep in mind that I usually used to accompany Nesta if she has to go do her work in Autumn, and she chaperoned whenever I go there to meet Lucien there, back then. So, sometimes it’s the four of us who spend time together.” She continued and then shrugged it off.
“Yes, and I’m polite enough to leave them and give the two of them some time alone.” Nesta nods her head pointing to Elain and Lucien. “Because I may be overprotective, but I’m not going to hinder on what makes them… getting to know each other better.” She gave them both a soft smile which the couple returned happily.
“But my brother is stubborn enough as well and decides to not leave Nesta’s side, when she gives us space. You know, Eris might not be the sharpest knife in the bunch, but he knows what he’s saying when it comes to Court Trades and Treaties. And to be honest, when I saw their clash of words on that topic for the first time, I immediately thought that it’s either they’ll kill each other eventually, or miraculously be the best of friends in the end. Well, I guess miracles do happen.” Lucien finished and laughed at that. Elain laughed with him, she thought of that too. Nesta just wave off the statement but that little smirk was undeniably on her face.
“I actually agree with that.” Amren spoke for the first time since the discussion started. “Eris is…cunning and dangerous, yes. But he’s also clever and have the set of skills one leader must have. Just like some one we all know.” She raised a brow and a sly smile towards Nesta. “Maybe that’s why they get along. Besides, whether we all admit it or not. We are glad it was him that have inherited that crown among the Vanserras. We all know it was what’s best for the Autumn court.” She said then finished the wine she was holding.
Cassian was openly glaring at Amren, which the other felt but totally ignored, because how could she actually defend that bastard? However, he can’t say anything else to contradict her statement though, because he knew it was the truth. And everyone seems to think the same because there was a quiet stillness after Amren said her piece.
“Anyway, count me in! Because it will definitely be one heck of a party.” Amren smirked and pointed her wine glass towards Lucien and Elain’s position, her statement seems to finished the conversation.
Tags: @sjm-things @moonbeammadness @maastrash
@typicalmidnightsoul 
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bigwhispersbluebird · 3 years
Text
Kiss me behind closed doors
How long can you keep a relationship hidden? What happens when the truth comes out and burns everything in its wake? Even the love that once felt enough. 
Relationship: Namjoon!idol x Reader!idol
Canon compliant, angst, hints of smut
Author’s note: Another two-shot. Angst cause I am a bitter soul nowadays
The moonlight peeked through the curtains of the window, striking his naked back directly as he slept soundly on the side of my bed he had claimed as his own. I watched the white light illuminate the dips and curves of his back as if kissing him just like I had when he had showed up at my backdoor like it was routine. 
And perhaps it was. Sneaking to each other’s places in the quiet of the night, stolen glances in a room full of people and text messages sent and deleted over and over again. 
As I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at his sleeping form, I tried to memorize his face. The dragon eyes that seemed so innocent like this, the high rising cheekbones melting into deep dimples on the corner of his lips which highlighted the sharp jawline that arched into a prominent Adam’s apple. I curled into myself, wrapping my arms around my knees that were pushed into my body and inhaled his musky and woodsy scent that I was covered in, my eyes still not leaving him. 
When I first met Kim Namjoon, we both were stripped bare of the fame, money and eyes of people that urged us to be perfect. We were both on separate vacations and happened to run into each other at a club. Recognizing him, I had bowed to him slightly from afar and that was it. But the next day when I walked into a small local bookstore located at the edge of an alleyway, familiar eyes, now hidden behind thick black rimmed glasses, were staring at mine. Small conversation about books and we thought that it would be the last time these chance meetings would occur. But it was like the universe had conspired against us, throwing us together in the same places at the same time and it was a test of restraint and patience; what we both lacked as the pull between us got stronger everyday as we learned more and more about each other. 
The day before I had to return back home, a knock on my door had startled me because I knew who it was before I had even looked through the peephole. I often go back to that day. What would have happened if I had not opened the door? What if I had not let him utter all the things I had ached to hear? What if I had not let him pull me to him and close the door behind us? What if I had not let him stay the night? Or on all the nights that followed?
Maybe then I would not be sitting here on my own bed, afraid to fall asleep because that would mean losing time that was already running out. 
In Seoul, Kim Namjoon was RM, the leader of BTS, and I had no right to have him as a lover in my bed every night knowing well that the moment everyone found out that he was dating a controversial solo artist, everything would crash, burn and crumble into ashes at our feet. 
“We should stop”, I would say between fervent kisses getting deeper every time and he would kiss me more deeply, digging his long fingers in my hips agreeing, “We should”, but neither of us would stop, we could not. 
I don’t know how long I just sat in the same position on the bed but when a notification on his phone illuminated the screen and showed the time, I was brought out of my thoughts. The sun would be out soon and it was wise for him to leave before that. That was the norm after all. 
But as I inched closer to him, his hand reaching out in his sleep for mine, the bitter and sad part in me ached to stop being wise and smart. I wanted to let him sleep through the night and the morning. I wanted to wake him up with a good breakfast made out of the tons of groceries that I would shop for every month, only to toss them out the next. I wanted him to sit with me as we did everything and nothing at all. 
But I could not be selfish with him. 
And so, I softly tried to shake him up awake, “Joon, it is almost morning”.
Groggily, he replied, “What is the time?”.
“It is almost 5″.
At that, he immediately opened his eyes and jolted himself awake- getting up and searching for his clothes. Like routine, I got up from my place and helped him, handing him his shirt as he slipped on his pants. I watched him get ready, mask in place and a dark baseball cap lowered on his head, covering most of his face. Through the entire commotion, he had not spared me a single glance. If he had, he would know that with each article of clothing that he draped on himself, I felt like he was ripping it off me till I was completely unsheltered and cold.
When he was finally dressed, he slipped on his coat and made his way to the backdoor and I tiptoed behind him, opening the door before he could to check if anyone was outside. The area of my house was secluded and not many celebrities lived there either hence, we both barely went to Namjoon’s place. Like always, no one was around and I nodded at Namjoon. 
That is when he finally noticed, me and all the giveaways of a disturbed night in my eyes. He knew what was the cause of this and I saw him try to form words that would offer me some comfort. The great Namjoon, who would write meaningful lyrics on a spur and give speeches on massive platforms seemed so vulnerable, standing at my backdoor trying to wonder if words could be of any help and a part of me ached for him. 
I reached forwards, clinging to his massive body, my neck wounding around his neck, inhaling him. “I know”, I whispered in his ear and felt his arms tighten around me. The embrace did not last long and he kissed me one last time before he ran towards the street where he knew his driver would be waiting for him. 
Once he disappeared from my sight, I closed the door and slipped to the floor. The house suddenly felt vacant, even I felt vacant without his arms to touch me and his fingers to graze mine. 
I knew he was going through the same turmoil. When we both had gotten together, we knew it was not going to be easy but we both were prepared to adapt to however the circumstances would be. But after five years of hiding and sneaking, horrible rumors and no sight of any change in our situation in the near future had made us question how long could we keep this up for. I was exhausted and so was he. We would have pulled back a long time ago had not we been crippled by our feelings for each other. 
While the distance would torture us, it was during our breaks and vacations where everything would fall back into place and we would be reminded why we chose this. But I wonder now if those days of peace are worth breaking a piece of me every time he leaves.
*****
“Namjoon, is everything okay?”
Yoongi and Jin had watched for quite some time that Namjoon was disturbed. As the leader, he would barely show any signs of pain or weakness but it was quite evident that he was not in the right state of mind. Not to mention, his songs were now melancholic and painful, as if saying what he could not utter himself. 
“Of course”, Namjoon said a little too quickly and Jin quickly interrupted, “Don’t even try. We won’t believe you. So why don’t you just tell us”.
Namjoon lowered his head, finally letting the weight on his shoulders crush him and his hands  came to cover his face. 
“Is it Y/N?”, Jin asked hesitantly and Namjoon could not help but let out a sarcastic laugh. “I wish it was. I really wish it was her who was screaming and fighting with me about our situation. I wish she would stop opening whenever I knock on that damn door. Instead she lets me watch as she gets hurt everyday”, he was now screaming but he did not care. “You know how many times I met her in the last six months?”, not awaiting an answer, he continued, “Not once unless it was to stand at her backdoor at midnight so I could kiss her and sleep with her because I am scared that without these asshole-ish reminders of us, she will up and leave.” 
The room stayed silent when he stopped speaking, the only sounds audible were of his heavy breathing as he tried to compose himself. 
“She deserves better than a late night rendezvous. This is the woman I have loved for years for fuck’s sake!”.
“Namjoon, you people are not in an easy situation”, Jin tried speaking, “these few hours are all you both can afford and we know that it is difficult but this woman is enduring all this for you, for this relationship that you both have. How about this? As soon as we are done with the promotional activities, take her somewhere”. 
“And after that, hyung? Back to this?”, the question rendered Jin speechless. 
The room was quiet again. 
“Announce it”.
Yoongi was the one to break the silence. 
“What?”, Namjoon asked, genuinely confused. 
Yoongi sat straighter, leaning a bit more towards the younger one who sat across him. 
“Announce your relationship with Y/N. Whatever happens, we will handle it. I know that the general public does not like her a lot but most of our fans will be fine with it. About the rest, we will manage it. How long will the anger stay?”, Yoongi was talking as if it was the easiest thing in the world and the person in question stared at him like had lost his mind. 
“It is not that easy...”, Namjoon spoke up but was interrupted by the oldest. “Yoongi is right. Five years and on your way to the sixth. You people have endured enough and I know that you both deserve a fair chance at happiness. You know that so many people have dumped us because of the life we live but she has stood by you through it. It is high time that we all do this for her. And for you.”
“But...”
“No buts. I know that you cannot imagine losing her so it is not like we are making a casual relationship public. Just trust us. We will handle everything.”
Namjoon knew in his head that all this was easier said than done but as his older members kept talking, he could not help but accept that this was the right thing to do. You deserved more than just being fucked by your boyfriend in the late hours of the night and then left all alone. You did not deserve to have BTS pass you by in public because you were controversial when behind closed doors, you would share homemade meals and inside jokes. 
It was not going to be easy, but he would do it. For you. For him. But little did he know, that his well kept secret would soon be revealed to the world, but not in the way he could have ever anticipated. Not in a way that would forever end what you both had. 
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mysterioh · 4 years
Text
The Ignorant Beauty and The Beast of New York - Ch. 16
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PAIRING: MOB!STEVE ROGERS X READER
SYNOPSIS: Y/N is an exhausted bio major. Steve is danger with a capital DANGER. She thinks he’s a sarcastic prick with an impressive knowledge in art history. He thinks she’s cute even if she’s only running on one brain cell. All he wants is a single date, but she’s adamant upon denying.
A/N: I wasn’t planning on updating so soon but something came to me yesterday and boom here it is. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it. Get the tissues ready it’s gonna be real sweet. Future updates might not be until after next week. I’ve got an exam and a speech coming up 😭
MASTERLIST
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Ocean Eyes
I've been watching you
For some time
Can't stop staring
At those oceans eyes
Burning cities
And napalm skies
Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes
Your ocean eyes
-
“Am I going to die?” 
Steve’s lips curve into a smile allowing a chuckle to escape his lips. 
“No, you’re not going to die,” he assures, walking past you with a few books in his hand. 
“But how do you know for sure?” you spin in the leather chair towards him. “What’s your certainty on a scale of one to ten?”
“A thousand,” he replies calmly, slipping the books in the empty spaces of the bookshelf built into the wall. 
He hears an exasperated groan from behind and turns to find you glaring. Lips pressed tight in a serious frown. The color in your eyes flickering in the shadow cast by the fire in the hearth. 
“I’m being serious.” 
Steve turns fully towards you. “And so am I.” He takes a few steps closer then leans against his desk. “No one’s gonna kill you.”
You slouch in his chair with a pout. “You don’t know that,” you mumble while playing with the drawstrings of your hoodie. 
Steve fawns at the sight of you. He stands straight then dips forwards to kiss your forehead. Your cheeks light up at the simple contact of his lips. He caresses the side of your face in his hand. A bit callous against the soft skin of your cheek. “If anyone even so much as thinks about laying a scratch on you, l promise you, there’ll be no one worse than me.”
He brushes the pad of his thumb against your cheekbone. You nodded sheepishly—speechlessly, preoccupied with the warmth residing in his blue eyes. You could’ve described his eyes like the ocean, iridescent and flecked with every shade of blue. 
He picks up the book he left on the desk and returns to the bookshelf. “Besides you seemed pretty confident back there.” 
“I was angry alright?” you explained. “I’m not gonna let some guy say all that and just let him get away with it.” 
“Then why are you so worried now?” Steve asked, fixing the books. There was a set order to the way he shelved his books and he hated it when they weren’t in place. 
“I don’t know,” you lifted yourself off the chair. “Maybe if it was some creep on the street I would’ve done it and not care about the consequences,” walking over, you lean against the shelf next to him. “But this isn’t some guy. He’s a gangster and one that doesn’t like you.” 
He looks over with an amused smile. “I mean what if he tries to ruin something? Like making things harder for you?” 
“Highly doubt that,” Steve chuckles, “Tony has a big mouth but he won’t do anything that’ll cause him trouble,” he returns to his shelving and hands you a book to hold for him. “And messing with the Brooklyn Mob will give him more trouble than he’d like to have.” 
You chuckle at him. “You’re rather confident in yourself.” 
He shrugs with a smug grin. “It’s what comes with being the best.” 
You gently hit him with the book in your hand making him laugh in reply. 
It’s been a while since there’s been a warmed laugh peeking out the door and echoing through the halls of the manor. It’s been empty for years. But all this time, all it really needed was one more. To warm the rooms with a soft beaming smile. To paint the walls with the color of love. To strip it of the darkness that kept its lone inhabitant bounded. 
Steve took a seat in his chair while you took a seat on his desk in front of him. Your palms curled around the edge of it as your legs dangled off, swaying back and forth. 
“Steve.” 
“Hmm?”
“So I’ve been thinking about something lately,” you said, the thump of your heart was steady but your palms were wet around the desk. 
“Oh man, that can’t be good,” he jokes. You kick his leg. He winces while rubbing it with his hand. “Have you ever heard of a joke?” 
“I’m not joking right now,” you stated. 
Steve sits back and puts his hands up. “Okay, okay, serious time now,” he nods but can’t help letting a stupid smile crawl on his lips. 
You grip on the desk loosens to dry your sticky hands. 
“I’m just thinking about some things,” you confessed. 
“Things?” 
“I mean things that we do together,” your cheeks start to heat. “We spend more time together.” 
“And you don’t want to?” 
“No, not that at all,” you replied quickly. “What I’m trying to say is. That, um, I don’t really know where we’re going with this,” you let out with a drop of the shoulders and a defeated sigh. You place your hands in your lap and start fiddling with your fingers. “With us.” 
“Us?” His brows knitted in confusion. “You mean us?” 
"Yeah, us." 
Both of you turn silent. It’s not a surprise to either of you that there’s something more than there was before. As the days passed by, the feelings grew stronger filling you with an inner joy that you couldn’t contain. 
But no real words had been said. You didn’t doubt Steve. He was good and honest. Righteous to a fault in his own chaotic way. Some say actions speak louder than words but sometimes words are needed to create a firm foundation. You needed his word to be sure and you felt like he needed to hear yours. You were just nervous and scared. Extremely scared. 
“So like what do you want us to be?" he asked in a soft tone. It wavers ever so slightly, sounding just as nervous as yours. 
"I-I don't know,” you shake your head. “That's why I'm asking. I'm just–I'm really confused and I've never really done this before,” you confessed. There’s shame hidden behind your words and you feel embarrassed. Embarrassed enough to look away from him and back to your hands. 
"I get that,” he replies, “there's nothing wrong with that,” he shakes his head. 
"I mean it's kind of embarrassing," you mumbled, "I'm twenty-two for crying out loud." 
Steve’s smile fell. He hates that you feel that way. Especially with him. He doesn’t want you to feel ashamed or uncomfortable. He wanted to be the one that you’d trust to never judge you. He takes your hand in his and leads you into his lap. His hands hug the sides of your curves to pull you closer, making your legs straddle his hips. It’s the closest you’ve ever been to him, and the blush on your cheeks reaches the tips of your ears by it all.
"Yeah, you're twenty-two, so what?” he asks. “There's no time card telling you when it's time for you to have a boyfriend or whatever else that's expected as normal. Do things at your own pace. No one's rushing you, sweetheart. Do what makes you happy and comfortable," he fingers weave into yours and squeezes your hand a bit. "I don't really care what we are as long as we’re together." 
His words are unconditional. There’s no wager or penalty. It’s not the freedom that has you so moved. It’s the willingness behind his words. He wants to be with you and it didn’t matter in what way it was. It’s not for show or out of duty. He just wants you for you; and it’s something you don’t really understand. What made you so special that he wanted you? He had the world in his hand, so what did he find in you that made him need you? 
Going from the one that was discarded with a passing eye to being the apple of someone’s eye was too hard for you to believe. It seemed impossible. 
But Steve Rogers had a way of making the impossible possible. Piece by piece, he's chipped away at the stone walls you've built around your heart just enough so he can squeeze inside and pull on the strings that bind your heart, letting it unravel for him. 
He's making you fall faster than you'd like to, but it's something you want, something you need. The need for him and all the things he's willing to give you comes out in a way you wished it didn’t. It bubbles at the corner of your eyes in silvery tears. Ones that were only cried beneath what the world can see. 
It takes courage to break noses and punch mobsters, but this was the mark of valor. The bravest thing you’ve ever done was to show him those tears. The ones that eyes miss but love renders visible. 
“What’s wrong?” he asks, cupping your face in his hands, wiping the tears before they fall too far. You look into his eyes. Those same damn eyes that pulled you too far into the water. That had you swept away with foaming blue currents.  
“Nothing,” you shake your head with a small smile, “I just hate you sometimes.” 
A laugh bubbles from his chest that has you smiling. You hit his chest softly with an annoyed chuckle. 
He takes your hands in his and brushes your knuckles with the pads of his thumbs. He looks up to you through long lashes as if he’s looking deep into your soul. He sports a sheepish, boyish, grin that has you melting. 
"Be my girl?" he asks. 
It’s simple and soft and comes out in a whisper as if it’s a secret that only the two you can keep. But it has you beaming from ear to ear and your heart aching, swelling and pressing against its calcified confines. 
You nodded with a smile. “Yeah, I’d like that.” 
His expression mirrors your own as he pulls you closer until your lips land on his in a searing kiss. His thick hands hold you tight around the curve of your waist as your hand travels up the length of his arm and comes to caress his cheek. 
You part to catch a breath and it has him chasing your lips for more. A giggle slips out of your mouth leaving him red and embarrassed. Your thumb brushes against his cheek as you look into his eyes. 
His delicate blue eyes reminded you of the ocean. And you found yourself happily falling headfirst. Every time. 
Drifting along with him in your ocean.
-
No fair
You really know how to make me cry
When you gimme those ocean eyes
I'm scared
I've never fallen from quite this high
Falling into your ocean eyes
Those ocean eyes
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TAGLIST (CLOSED): @ashwarren32 @achishisha @chuckennuggets1213 @miraclesoflove @rootcrop @siriusement @savedbystark​ @little-dark-empress​ @great-goddess-of-sin​ @boxofteenageideas​ @imsonick​ @scuzmunkie​ @calwitch​ @captainchrisstan​ @thirstybunz​ @littlebees-things​ @voltage-my2dlove​ @booktease21​ @rinkashirikitateku​ @harleyscheekheart​ @allegra-writes​ @iced-capsicle​ @eliza5616​ @bookgirlunicorn​ @murdermornings​ @fckdeusername​
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vegalocity · 3 years
Note
Spicynoodleshipping 2 and 3, please? (Maybe at the beginning of The Arrangement?)
prompt meme
2. A small, fleeting kiss - which is immediately followed by a passionate, hungry kiss. // 3. A breathy demand: “Kiss me” - and what the other person does to respond.
Oh god people are asking for it in specific i need a continuity tag now-
--
This was a mistake. This was a huge mistake. He had to end it the second it began or else... or else... he didn't know what would happen if he didn't end it as quick as he could, but Red Son knew it would be bad. So he had to drop the whole 'enemies and nemesis' thing and like... actually TALK with the damn Noodle Boy.
But of course when he came to this conclusion he didn't actually know where Noodle Boy even was, whether he was still working in that greasy trash restaurant below or if his shift was over and he was just out on the town doing normal peasant things. The only location he could be sure he'd even show up would be his shitty flat, so that was where he had to wait. The window was almost pathetically easy to jimmy open...again....Noodle Boy needed better home security. And he found himself waiting, thinking maybe a bit too hard about this whole thing and how it could never happen again. But unlike the last time he'd seen the inside of his nemesis' apartment, this time he was... aware. Aware of what exactly? Who could tell, but he was aware of it.
The mountain of Monkey King related merchandise scattered about the area, the pile of sketchbooks he ended up idly paging through which.. weren't too bad. Actually there were some really well rendered action poses in there. The frankly obscene amount of dirty clothes that made him cringe in disgust when he'd first been made aware of them, something not resembling pity when he realized the little pile of pillows was supposed to be something like a couch, the overall sense he got from the little apartment was 'too small for anyone to be comfortable' the second was processing the distinct odor of the room and-
He'd known it was a mistake a second too late, but it was too late to play it off, the Noodle Boy's mortal scent was all around him, stoking a passion in the pit of his gut he hadn't felt in so long he didn't even remember the last time it had happened.
-unfortunately, it was familiar. The memory alone bringing that... that desire back into the fray. He did his best to push it aside and decided to flip through one of the Noodle Boy's Sketchbooks again to distract himself from it. But soon enough the point was made moot as he heard the lock undo itself in the front door. Quickly, Red Son stood and put the sketchbook away, sliding one of his hands into his pocket and made it seem like he'd just gotten there. No need to let the Noodle Boy think he'd been waiting for him, even if he had.
A stupid thrill went through him when the door opened and the Noodle Boy had walked into the apartment without noticing him yet, gaze a thousand miles away and expression pensive with his headphones over his ears.
Red Son stood still and waited for Noodle Boy to notice him, and when he did he of course jumped in place, yelped, and scrambled to get his staff out of hiding. Those hands—that apparently could do so much more than lift the staff and drive that dinky noodle cart—fidgeted nervously across the body of the staff as Red Son walked closer.
“Red Son!? What are you doing in my house?!” He was mostly on edge, but when he spoke next an edge of... anticipation? Came out and made Red Son's brain stutter. “Wait, why haven't you already set anything on fire?”
He strode a few steps forward, hands behind his back, and Red Son didn't speak until he was within arms reach of the Noodle Boy. “I would like to speak with you not as nemesis tonight. In regards to my... unsightly behavior when we saw eachother last. Feel free to kick me out and we'll never speak of what went on again and return to trying to kill eachother as though it never happened.” Wait... that came out wrong, the goal was to never speak of what went on again and go on as if it never happened. Before he could correct himself Noodle Boy nodded and locked the front door behind him.
“Alright... that was a little out of left field when it happened. What have you had a secret crush on me or something?” The Noodle Boy smirked and it did... something to Red Son...
“If memory serves you kissed me back, perhaps I simply did something impulsive and YOU'VE been harboring secret affections.”
Noodle Boy shrugged, and when he walked further into his apartment to sit on the edge of his bed, Red Son found himself following him, until they were side by side.
“So it was just impulse? You were just mad that I was talking while you were crazy ranting-”
“Monologuing”
“-Same thing, and your first impulse was to put your tongue in my mouth to get me to stop?”
“And you're what, hard wired to respond positively to every act of that nature? I pity whomever you decide to start dating if that's the case.”
Red Son might not be the best at reading a room, but even he could tell they were both kind of... dancing around it.
“We should test it out”“This can't keep going.”
They both spoke at once, eithers words becoming blended together, and they shared a confused look as they pieced together what the other said.
“Wait, did you just imply we should...?”
Noodle Boy blushed a bit and he wasn't meeting Red Son's eye anymore. “Well yeah, if it was just an impulse thing then we should make sure of it so neither of us gets fucked up later on in battles, you know? Since it meant nothing to both of us then neither of us have to worry about being unsure during battles because we tried again without all the passion and stuff and there was nothing.”
….Dammit that made sense.
“Fine. I certainly have nothing to worry about, and it would be dishonorable to allow you to worry that you may have fallen in love with me so much that it affects our future battles.” he puffed up his chest haughtily, and tried to sound as confident as he could. Infuriatingly, Noodle Boy just rolled his eyes at him.
“Okay, then Kiss me.”
“What?! It was your idea! You should kiss me!”
“Well you kissed me last time so what's the issue?”
“Exactly! So it's your turn!”
“Oh we're doing turns now?”
“FINE! If you're going to be so stubborn about this, let's simply kiss eachother! At once! Is that agreeable?”
“Sure, Perfect!” Noodle Boy out his hands on Red Son's upper arms to turn his upper body, “Let's just kiss eachother and be done with it so we never have to speak about this again!”
“Wonderful.” Though he had to shift Noodle Boy's arms to slide onto his shoulders so he could grip the peasant by the collar of his jacket. “Exactly what I wanted from this situation!”
“Great!”
“Delightful!”
“Awesome!”
“Phenomenal!”
and suddenly they were nose to nose and Red Son realized once again far too late that this was a mistake. Noodle Boy went quiet so quickly, suddenly nervous, he leaned in and Red Son closed the gap. It was gentle, sweet. Natural....it was only held for a moment but Red Son felt his gut lurch in desire for the entire time. Almost nauseous with the force of it.
When the Noodle Boy began to pull away he found himself overwhelmed and gripped the jacket tighter, bringing him in for another, fiercer kiss. This time it was delicious, like lightning down his spine as their mouths slid against eachother, Noodle Boy shifted slightly and the kiss deepened and Red Son decided he had to have been some sort of fool for almost trying to end this... whatever it was... Before it started.  He heard Noodle Boy hum appreciatively before Red Son felt the swipe of a tongue against his mouth, feather light and a moan he didn't even know he had in him escaped as he allowed entrance.
It could have been minutes or eons that this kiss went on, Red Son wouldn't have noticed, but when Noodle Boy finally pulled away and Red Son still didn't feel his brain beginning to re-engage until he spoke.
“Well...That's probably not good.”
“Most likely.”
--
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midnightactual · 3 years
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Void
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Yoruichi and loneliness weren’t strangers to one another. For all her vaunted speed, she found she couldn’t outrun a feeling. No matter how hard she tried, her efforts weren’t enough. Or perhaps... it was the other way around? When escape was impossible in one direction, the most obvious and natural maneuver was to go in another.
Maybe her loneliness wasn’t enough. Maybe she needed more, not less. Maybe she had to stop running and let it wash over her. Maybe she had to go all the way to the end of the line to break through to the other side.
I’m calm, steady. I slept well, eight point two hours. No bad dreams. I am ready to go. Ready to do my job to the best of my abilities. I am focused only on the essentials, to the exclusion of all else. I will make only pragmatic decisions. I will not allow myself to be distracted. I will not allow my mind to linger on that which is unimportant. I will not rely on anyone or anything. I will not be vulnerable to mistakes.
Burn like a slave Churn like a cog
Her final mission preparations were a frenzy of activity: sewing, welding, sealing, soldering, weaving Kidō, and more besides. She finished her gear one piece after the other, checking and rechecking all of it in cycles as she went. She had no death wish, despite everything: none of these items could fail. She would survive, and she would return.
I always wanted to become an astronaut, for the future of mankind and all. At least, that’s what I always told myself. I see myself from the outside. Smile, present a side. It's a performance with my eye on the exit. Always on the exit. Just don't touch me.
We are caged In simulations
The sound of waves crashed over her. The surf lapped at her feet. The light beat down on her, cool ocean breeze alternating with hot desert wind on her skin. The Sun sank low, glowering at her from just above the horizon. The stars wheeled into the sky, heralding the Moon. For a whole day and night she simply stood there as the water came and went, listening.
So many times in my life, I’ve screwed up. I’ve talked when I should have listened. I’ve been harsh when I should have been tender.
Algorithms evolve Push us aside, render us obsolete
She fell, and fell, and fell, at first in silence and then with a roar of wind about her as she dropped from the edge of space, one hundred and fifty thousand feet up. She fell until black turned to blue, until clouds whipped past her, until the ground rushed to meet her, until she pulled the chute just above the critical altitude.
I've been trained to compartmentalize. It seems to me that's how I approach my life.
This means war With your creator
The suit around her creaked beneath the megatons of water above as it sustained over eight tons of pressure per square inch. She shivered at the cold, panting quietly amid the staleness of her own fear. The ocean’s imperative to kill her and quash her little empire of air was imminently palpable. She haltingly drew an arm out of the suit’s and reached forward to an instrument panel, turning out all the lights and leaving herself in the absolute darkness of death’s embrace.
The attack, it was full of rage. I understand that rage. I’ve seen that rage in my father, and I’ve seen that rage in me. Because I’m angry that he took off. He left us. You know, but when I look at that anger, if I push it aside and just put it away, all I see is hurt. I just see pain. I think it keeps me walled off, walled off from relationships and opening myself up and, you know, really caring for someone. And I don't know how to get past that. I don’t know how to get around that. And it worries me. And I don’t wanna be that guy. I don’t wanna be my dad.
This means war With your creator
A perfect black nothingness expanded out beyond her, so long as she didn’t turn her gaze too far down herself and spy Mercury—above and below really ceased to be meaningful here since they could change in an instant. The Sun was at her back and blotted out the universe, three times its size on Earth. It was almost possible to believe nothing else existed besides it, the scorched and seared rock of the planet, and herself.
I am on my way to Neptune. The zero-G and the extended duration of the journey is affecting me, both physically and mentally. I am alone. Something I always believed I preferred. I am alone. But I confess, it’s wearing on me. I’ve let so many people down.
Reload
The Sun was like a distant flashlight shining out of the gloom, as though seen in a field from a dark wood on an overcast night. It wasn’t nearly enough to blot out the stars anymore, which glittered all around her like innumerable jewels just out of reach. The blues of Neptune flowed impassively as she floated past, around and around, 2.8 billion miles from anything of human consequence.
“You seem really preoccupied with your work. I just feel like I’m on my own all the time. I don’t know what we’re doing. You’re so distant. I mean, even when you’re here, I don’t know where you are. I feel like I’m looking for you all the time, trying to connect to you, be close to you, and it fucking sucks. You know, I have my own life. I’m my own person. And I can’t just wait for you.”
Crash out
In the end she’d simply stepped off the platform of the Descorrer itself. Allowed herself to... ‘fall’ wasn’t the right word. She’d spent plenty of time falling by then, toward this or around that. That was all orbits and gravity were. That was all they compelled one to do. There was nothing to fall toward in the Garganta. As empty as the places she’d already been were, they were as nothing to this. Even if she’d thrown herself into the emptiest part of the Boötes Void, it wouldn’t have compared. Braced and numbed by her experiences, she turned off all her displays and allowed herself to simply drift.
I’m so selfish. I’m selfish. I’m just so selfish. I’m just a selfish person.
This means war With your creator
It was unclear how much time had passed. Long enough that her own sense of time had completely escaped her given the sensory deprivation. Long enough that she’d lost track of being conscious or not—it probably couldn’t quite be called sleep, given the circumstances. Long enough that she’d had to use all the spacesuit’s functions. Maybe three or four days then? She could’ve just turned the displays back on and checked, but that would defeat the point.
That was when she heard it.
Not a voice—more like a hum, a rumble, a pulse. It sounded like being underwater, like the rhythms of stars and black holes, yet it formed words nonetheless.
ⓗⓔⓛⓛⓞ ⓒⓗⓘⓛⓓ
Kurayami had said nothing to her since near the beginning of when she’d started these undertakings. Yoruichi knew in her heart of hearts that this wasn’t her, if indeed it was anything at all but her own mind crumbling. Still... “Putting on a funny voice to mess with me is beneath you,” she said aloud.
ⓨⓞⓤ ⓗⓐⓥⓔ ⓢⓞⓤⓖⓗⓣ ⓜⓔ
“Have I? I guess you might as well introduce yourself then.”
ⓘ ⓐⓜ ⓐⓛⓛ ⓐⓡⓞⓤⓝⓓ ⓨⓞⓤ
She glanced about with tired eyes even though it was pointless. This wasn’t a suicide mission—the displays were blanked, but the suit was very much still on. It was programmed to alert her when air ran low or some kind of hazard was detected, like an imminent collision. If it was quiescent, that meant there should be nothing out there.
ⓐⓝⓓ ⓦⓘⓣⓗⓘⓝ ⓨⓞⓤ
Her gaze refocused ahead at that. “Oh?”
ⓞⓕ ⓒⓞⓤⓡⓢⓔ ⓘ ⓜⓐⓓⓔ ⓨⓞⓤ
Her eyes narrowed to slits at the assertion... “Is that so.” How many would claim to have made her?
ⓨⓞⓤ ⓐⓡⓔ ⓝⓞⓣ ⓐⓛⓞⓝⓔ
A corner of her mouth curled into something between a smirk and a sneer. Very few people had ever been more alone than this for any length of time. Or did it perhaps mean to suggest that it had not made only her?
ⓝⓞ ⓞⓝⓔ ⓘⓢ ⓐⓛⓞⓝⓔ
If it was reading her thoughts, she wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t going crazy. Would there be anything in the black box’s telemetry afterward to suggest any of this had even been real? “What do you want?”
ⓝⓞⓣⓗⓘⓝⓖ
Something about the long pause after that answer made it seem more literal than figurative. Like perhaps she was regarded as an interloper. “Then why contact me?”
ⓓⓞ ⓐⓢ ⓨⓞⓤ ⓦⓘⓛⓛ
“What does that mean?” she replied sourly.
No reply was forthcoming.
“Oi!” she hollered. Still nothing. She turned her attention inward. What the fuck was that?
There was no response from Kurayami either.
Now we know. We're all we've got.
This means war With your creator
She clenched her fists within her gloves as a strange, hot rage plumed within her chest. “You think you can intrude on me after all this with a bunch of cryptic and meaningless bullshit, then just fuck off!?” she bellowed into her helmet. The combination of activities on her part brought the suit’s display panels to life again, and a constellation of colorful icons and readouts filled the periphery of her vision. She grit her teeth and began to take action.
“YAAA!!!” she called, more of an animalistic roar than anything else. The suit’s radar and lidar blasted out at full power as she engaged the thrusters into overdrive. It was a futile gesture: there was nothing to find and nowhere to go. Even so, she lashed out, flitting about in the emptiness as though to provoke some reaction.
It was only when her adrenaline was spent and her fuel was low that she stopped, allowing inertia to carry her once more. She breathed heavily from the comedown as that stimulant filtered out of her blood, trembling and still white-knuckling inside her gloves. Her fingers only slowly released.
‘Do as you will’, huh?
She gradually came to the conclusion that whether what she’d just experienced had been real or not didn’t really matter. Not that she wouldn’t investigate it later, but what was important was that there were no answers out here. Not in any of these places. They weren’t even within her, in a certain sense. Not within her alone. They were all back there—back home.
Some shorter unknown time passed. Oxygen depleted. Power crept down. “Fuck you. I make myself,” Yoruichi declared at last.
She promptly activated the Descorrer again and boosted onto its platform, squinting at the light as Earth was revealed and she exited out into the Earth-Moon L1 Lagrange point. She took a good, long look at the planet, before programming another trip to return her to the warehouse.
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