Well. I love disappearing for mental health reasons and coming back to be rejected by half of my internet friends and several IRL friends. Apparently, going on a hiatus to put the pieces back together makes me a bad friend.

I can’t include them all so here’s a combo of ‘came to mind first,’ ‘talked about positively most often by fans,’ and ‘stuck in my head’.

Public Apology Big Iron isn’t here. There were a lot that didn’t make the cut but that one specifically I stg I put in and only realized after posting had not. It was 100% meant to be on this list and I’ve failed us.

journalists underestimate the magnitude of my addiction and how far i'll go for the bit

Robin: Grandma! Sidney: Hi, honey. Robin: Hi. Sidney: Watcha doing?

[Robin wasn’t sure anymore, but he needed to ask something. He wasn’t used to talking to his grandmother though-.. even though he could, it always felt weird and forced. He decided he’d probably just have to be blunt]

Robin: Can I ask you something? Sidney: Shoot. Robin: Can we keep it a secret? I don’t want mom n’ dad to know I asked… Sidney: I can keep a secret.

[Sidney found a sheltered spot behind a rock and patted the sand beside her; Robin had barely taken a seat before launching his question at his grandmother, catching her off guard]

Robin: Has papa ever died-.. or come close?

[Sidney blinked, blindsided by Robin’s question]

Robin: I wanna know the truth too, like.. don’t do that thing grown-ups do n’ coat everything in syrup. Sidney: You really want the non-sugar-coated version..? Robin: Yeah.

[Sidney squinted at Robin, unsure how to proceed. He could tell she didn’t think it was her place to tell him]

Sidney: Why haven’t you asked your father? Robin: I don’t want to. Sidney: He’d tell you, if you asked-.. he’d be grateful for it too. Robin: Grateful? Why?

[Sidney sucked her teeth and buried her hands in the sand for a moment, thinking]

Sidney: Your dad and I never saw eye to eye when he was young, sometimes we still don’t-.. he didn’t trust me enough to talk to me, and I didn’t bother asking, or fixing it. It’s caused a lot of problems between us, so I think he’d appreciate you trusting him enough to ask. Robin: It’ll upset him though. Sidney: Well, tough-.. he can’t hide his past from you forever, he should know by now it always comes n’ bites you on the ass eventually.

[Robin frowned, feeling defensive on behalf of his father]

Robin: He wanted to tell me. Sidney: You’ve already asked?

[Robin shook his head, earning himself a confused look from Sidney; everything was so hard to explain when you had to tiptoe around the truth]

Robin: I want you to tell me. Sidney: I’ll tell you on one condition-.. you ask him about it too. He’ll have my guts for garters if he knew I’d told you and kept it from him. I can’t keep this particular secret, I’m afraid. Robin: Fine.

[Sidney shook her head and sighed; she couldn’t believe she’d been talked into this nonsense by a ten-year-old]

Sidney: Yes, he almost died-.. technically he did, but that’s just a medical thing, I suppose. Robin: Did you save him? Sidney: No.. I was there, but I couldn’t. Robin: Why not? Sidney: I just couldn’t do it; I was a mess! You can’t imagine how it felt, seeing him-…

[Sidney cut herself off, not wanting to go too far-.. but Robin didn’t need to imagine how it felt, he could feel it too. He quickly swallowed the lump in his throat, desperate to know more before his brain imploded with unanswered questions and half-truths]

Robin: What happened? How’d he end up like that? Sidney: Well… Robin: I know about the bad stuff he used to do-.. he drank a lot, was it that? It was in a bar or something, right? Sidney: He’s told you about that?

[Robin shrugged; his father had only alluded to such things, but Sidney didn’t need to know that, nor did she need to know what Larry had inadvertently shown him]

Sidney: Oscar had a lot of issues with drugs and alcohol when he was younger-.. it almost got the better of him that night, I think he just went too far by accident. Robin: So, it wasn’t on purpose? Sidney: Not exactly. Robin: What do you mean? Sidney: He knew the risks-.. but you really shouldn’t be asking about this sort of thing, honey. Robin: Just ‘cause I’m little doesn’t mean I can’t understand.

[Sidney chuckled; the apple certainly didn’t fall far from the tree. Robin was just as headstrong and persistent as his father]

Sidney: Maybe not, but you should be climbing trees and thinking about what’s for pudding-.. don’t worry yourself about all this stuff too much. Not yet, at least. Robin: It’s hard not to-.. did he get better after what happened? Sidney: For a while, then he got worse, then he got better again-.. go n’ talk to him, he’ll make you feel better about what happened. He’s had a good handle on himself for a while now; since before you were born, if I’m not mistaken. Robin: That’s a long time. Sidney: It sure is. Robin: It never really leaves though, does it? Not completely.

[Sidney hesitated briefly, surprised by the depth of Robin’s understanding]

Sidney: No, not really. Robin: Okay, thanks.

[Sidney yanked Robin back into the sand before he could run off]

Sidney: Don’t make me be the one to tell him about this-.. you talk to him, you hear me? Robin: I hear you… Sidney: You better! Don’t think I won’t make sure.

[Robin nodded, hastily escaping Sidney’s grasp, and her intensity. He had no choice now; if grandma Sid said she meant business, she damn well meant it]

Previous // Next

I’ve been working on Queen Amidala’s Parade dress 🕺

Came across this post the other day and realized I relate to it a bit more than I initially thought....

doomed siblings... save me doomed siblings...

(lyrics from death thrice drawn by the scary jokes)

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That is all!

tried to test the waters by asking my mother what she would do if she had a gay child and she said that she'd have them sent to ghana (home country) to be purified. ok

If you haven’t heard from me in a week or 2 and I haven’t blocked u on everything…

I am not mad at you

I’m just super depressed and can’t socialize at the moment

But also I don’t want to talk to someone every day or every week unless I date them so pls chill on thinking we should be on the phone w each other all day

My mom waits 12 hours or more for me to text back, so you can too ✌🏻

My pathetic attempt at furnishing a nursery ~

the concept of the slur replacement project feels a bit like historical revisionism? especially considering how much i see people recommend it as the recommended way of reading homestuck. it's sanitizing down the more unpalatable bits of homestuck to make it seem more friendly and wholesome (which seems incredibly common among homestuck fans in general, especially among those who like to pretend the epilogues never happened, which is a whole other discussion i won't get into rn), and that just feels weird. not to mention the execution of it is very poor in general. the "future arachnids grip" joke is funny actually, and the change they made to make it "later arachnids grip" not only makes it a weaker joke (as it was initially a play on how the concept of gayness isn't really a thing to trolls), but also introduces an inconsistency in the writing, as it only does this change for vriska, drawing more attention to it. there's also a fucking... random bit where iirc for one line they replace a mention of bill cosby with... gnomeo and juliet? i think? which is not only a baffling decision that they don't, but is technically introducing an anachronism because that movie didn't come out until 2011. the writing they used to replace things in general just doesn't feel very homestuck-y, and it always feels clunky and awkward.

.

zorry if this comes off as a little venty but im feeling so discouraged to post art here or... at all

sorry for making yet another textpost but i came across that post saying they dislike transfem natsume because he "canonically hates being perceived as a girl and tries to erase all sorts of memories related to that" and also went on to shame genderbends of him aswell. So, as someone who not only draws genderbends of natsume but is myself someone who is nonbinary and hates being perceived as a woman, i thought id offer my two cents

first of all; i think its important to note that natsume does NOT hate his childhood. in fact, hes quite happy that he had such an unusual upbringing!

what natsume hates is being perceived as weak. thats why he was raised as a girl after all, it was his mother trying to protect him from evil spirits. he doesnt hate the whole "-chan" or "wearing dresses" thing because he has a hatred for womanhood, its because due to his upbringing hes now come to associate those things as being weak. he begs tsumugi to forget about it because that means tsumugi remembers natsume being weak, and natsume thinks tsumugi still referring to him as "natsume-chan" means he still sees natsume as weak. (iirc natsume did however once say that he is a little sad that he doesnt really know how to relate to young boys due to this in poltergeist, but i couldnt find the exact quote. either way that just adds to the complexity of natsumes relationship with his childhood, because while he is happy to be "abnormal" in that sense, it has left him lacking in some areas)

i have to ask though, should this conflict of his not be something we hope he overcomes? should we not want him to develop a healthy relationship with various gender expressions? should we not want natsume to overcome his belief that feminine things = weakness? i want natsume to reach a point where he can wear feminine clothing and not feel like some damsel in distress because of it. i want natsumes character to grow. i want him to develop a positive relationship with his gender because natsume DOES enjoy some more typically feminine things, like baking! he used to bake with his mom when he was little! and i want him to feel like he can indulge in that side of him without feeling insecure.....

i LOVE transmasc natsume, my primary hc for him is transmasc nonbinary after all, but with all these things considered, shouldnt people be allowed to headcanon him however they want? if they hear his story and negative relationship with femininity and how that resonates with them and they themselves are transfem, should they not be allowed to hc him as such too?

which brings me to my next point; my own personal relationship with gender and femininity. i was raised as a girl and i fucking DESPISED womanhood. i hated everything about it. i hated how i felt forced into a box i didnt want to be stuck in, and i hated how it felt like my whole life had already been planned out for me due to societal expectations, aswell as me needing to present a certain way. i was peak "tomboy" growing up, constantly wearing super baggy clothes and wouldnt even brush my hair alot of the time. but despite that i remained miserable. i frankly hated how i looked and would constantly dye my hair vibrant colors in an attempt to make me like myself a little more. it wasnt until i realized "wow, im actually not a girl at all" that i finally let go of believing i needed to look a certain way (and thus, defying it) and started to dress for myself. i started to dress in clothes that made me happy and feel pretty! alot of which leans feminine, but clothes doesnt have a gender, and how you dress doesnt define your gender either, but it can still be a bit scary yknow? especially since i dont want people to think of me as a girl, and drawing a bunch of femstars has really made me learn to love myself more in a funny way. i can put these characters in clothes i think are beautiful, i can explore the more feminine parts of me that i adore but dont want to express in public due to how i want others to perceive me, but it has also warmed me up to femininity even more. because femstars to me feels detached from the expectations of society because its not a real thing!! there are no canon femstars designs!!! i can do literally whatever the hell i want with it and its been so liberating to me!!

all this to say; i think it really sucks seeing the way this fandom treats transfem hcs and explicit genderbends, because like ive said before; they can truly be something so personal. you dont know why that person is drawing what theyre drawing, so its a little unwise to make assumptions based on ........ Well, whatever it may be. i know very well that women dressing the way society expects them to SUCKS, esp if you have personal ties to it, but you have to realize the issue isnt femininity, but misogyny.

Hey there. Just a quiet bystander who's been following your work for a while. I just wanted to say that from an external point of view if just seems that this person is extremely jealous of your talent and is trying to do everything in their power to ruin your life. They must have an extremely miserable and unfulfilling life and can only find joy on trying to make people as miserable as they are. Probably some very bad inferiority complex, they must be thrilled every time they get a reaction out of you. So please don't let them bring you down, do your best to ignore them and they most likely will eventually tire and look for a new victim, that's how this kind of hateful people is. They don't deserve your energy and attention. Lots of love for you from Chile.

i know. i have seen that sentiment and i appreciate you saying this to remind me.

but it is difficult still for me because i really don’t enjoy making people upset and it is hard for me to hear. it really affects me to see. so i want to fix it but when i realize i can’t its hard to handle. maybe also, they did finally make me as miserable as them and thats why i am saying anything at all. dealing with it internally finally became as painful as me just saying it.