when you die and go to hell, they make you give class 10 preboards again.

Why do we keep expecting same dream?🌃

Uk why we always have different dreams at night? Why those dreams are not the continuation of the previous dream? Guess...guess?NO? Okayy lemme tell you...

Coz you don't EXPECT it to be the same. You sleep without expecting anything coz uk that it's just a dream.... Illusion soo why to worry what you'll experience in the dream.

What if the life...the reality you think is real...is also a dream? What if you wake up from a dream just to experience another dream? What if the dream that you think is real ....is same coz you expect it to be? It looks continuous coz YOU expect to experience the same dream every second....every fucking second YOU chose this dream over and over again. Why? Why to chose this dream if you don't like it? Ain't it funny how you complain that you don't wanna experience this dream but still you choose the same dream!

Why is God doing like this huh? Hmm... looks like GOD forgot their power while being aware of hooman.

What is this behaviour huh? Is this what GOD do?

Umm soo how can we fix it? It's simple I promise!!

Don't expect this dream to be the same!!

First start doubting if it's actually real. Then start wondering what if it's a dream. You'll come to your own conclusions that IT IS. Start doubting if you'll wake up in the same dream or may be choose the dream yourself 🤷🏻‍♀️

I can only tell you what you'll go thru your 'journey'. I can't make you complete the Journey. Only YOU can be your own companion....not someone else(how can someone even help you they ain't even real lol).

Doubt every fucking thing with all of your heart. And no there's no shortcut to reach HOME (tho you already are home). You have to walk on this path alone. Sometimes you'll feel like giving up on the Journey but know that that's ego afraid to lose it's power over the SELF but will we allow some unreal thing to have power over SELF!! NEVER.

This nightmare gonna end soon! But only YOU can end it!✨

Uhh, lately i've been reading about cpunk, and guys i love yall, i think it's important to have a space for you, and people who also go thru things you also have, share experiences, etc, a mental condition/neurodivergence will never be the same as using a cane, a wheelchair, having a physical disability, yes for example autism can also have physical symptoms such as dyspraxia, but not because ur autistic ur physically disabled, also not everyone has dyspraxia.

but i also wonder if tourettes... is a part of it? ive been wondering this for many weeks.

like, i remember being very young, walking was an issue, people bullied me for it, sometimes couldn't even talk, because my tics interrupted me, i hit and scream and fall. body hurts when i hit myself, body hurts and is in pain and tired and wants to puke and nauseous after tic attacks that i only want to rest, a few weeks ago i had a tic in my arm that left me without sleep because i couldn't stop, i dont use .. a mobility aid, but i would consider it if tics get worse... lately it's not that bad, waxing and waning tics you know...

but i tend to hit myself a lot + pain + tired, tic attacks are coming again too.. a lot, i have one or two tic attack per 1-2 month i think which is way better than when i was younger (dealt with attacks almost every week..)

and i always wondered if tourettes was a physical disability, you know, it may seem silly andd stupid even, but professionals always told me it was neurological, nothing else, (and they were completely useless too... didnt gave me tips to handle it, therapists barely heard of it, did not give me any support other than a diagnosis and some medication thats all (medication which im grateful tho it helps me ton))

i dont... tend to call myself disabled because people look at me and dont think i am, and i get really scared w confrontation so i prefer not to .. say things like that, m also autistic btw, but thats another thing, i know autism disables me, but i dont know if tourettes disables me

it's been good years, i know some disabilities also have better days and worse days, but i feel like it's too much time for me, from 5+ or 5-months, i can have little to no tics, but they come back too anyways, and i'll be hitting myself and body will hurt.

sorry if this is stupid, only recently have been seeing tourettes being called a physical disability, and it changes how i see myself too

if you answer or read this thank u!

thots on blake's backstory? it may not be real but it still affects his characterization so its worth asking i think

insofar as it did not literally happen in real life it's not real but insofar as he remembers & is impacted by it + his friends remembered & were impacted by it up until he got eated, it's real to him and them. i would not have pegged "cult survivor" specifically but yeah that checks. it's so funny (terrible for him) that miss grandma thorburn was like. hmm i need to make sure he really doesn't like hugs. and then hit him with the double whammy of "survivor of cult where manipulation into sex was used to keep men satisfied enough to stay & entrap women, and also he gets sexually assaulted after he leaves said cult juuuuust in case the cult thing on its own wasn't enough." it's like customizing a picrew but with intense human suffering instead of fun outfits. anyway, yeah, it checks. paranoia wrt other ppls motives, intense discomfort towards touch, funnily enough still not great at noting when something is too good to be true or someone is a little happier than they should be about smth. love how existentially horrifying it is for him that he's really tenacious and vigilant but in a way that leads him to disastrous pyrrhic victories rather than long-term survival and that's Explicitly bc gramma custom-tweaked his brain to make him the ideal meatshield who draws fire and then explodes. i'm really really endeared to the character trait where he Admits to himself that as much as he responds like a cornered animal (one w/ the worlds lamest oneliners) when threatened, if those threats are actually followed through on, he Will immediately start freezing and crying and pissing himself. like he's haunted by the memory of begging carl to take him back so that carl will stop, and he very desperately wants to Never be that person ever again, so even when he runs into someone as big & terrifying as conquest, he refuses to give an inch--he can't stand feeling like he remembers feeling back then--but he very much knows that if conquest called his bluff & started dragging him off he'd instantly turn into that person he never wants to be. his life sucks! both in terms of apparent memories and in terms of the Sheer Existential Horror of why he has those memories! devastating for the guy who has an entire Complex about the sanctity of his body & identity that literally none of his body or identity is his, it was all cobbled together from other people for the sole purpose of using him as a tool. even his own rejection of touch isn't his, it was forced upon him.

which. hm. i will say i think that's why arc 9 is paradoxically a form of catharsis & freedom--despite it being a horrific low point, it's not so much corruption of his body as it is him realizing that the changes haven't been corruption but what his body has been all along being revealed. the form he takes on when he's filled in by spirits is arguably more His than his old body was, because it's something he's gained thru his own choices & life experiences rather than the simulated ones that were forced upon him. he literally described himself as a doll, he's experienced the ultimate violation of autonomy thru being custom-manipulated to serve a purpose--choosing to fuck his own hand up and grow branches in place of false flesh is more Him than the original flesh ever was. his life is going to be awful forever and he will be reduced to next to nothing but it will be His nothing, i think.

I also wanted to know how you felt about the pixies and if you were going to use them in your au

@seth-the-whalelord you are two for two on 'asking very simple questions that send me into a brain spiral' lol thank you this is. actually very useful for getting me to figure this stuff out. This is what i've gotten to write thru on my lunch break.

So! Pixies.

Once again I have no idea if I’m about to spout an Unpopular Opinion or not but…..I don’t like…..little, ‘Mascot’ characters. And I tend not to like the Pixies. Theyre trying Too Hard to be Beloved and it CAN be pulled off..........but I’m sorry I can’t stand their shrill little voices………………

I GET that it’s a kids show and you want little critters to appeal to little kids and sell toys of but like… the cast of Winx is HUGE and bloated at a baseline?? Like the Winx and Specialists by themselves are already so much to deal with. I will say upon rewatch, the Pixies are definitely better than like, any of the other little critters they add in later seasons. There are definitely episodes where the pixies Work and aren't completely overwhelming, and they're liked enough to be worth keeping, conceptually.

I like the idea of the pixies being plot relevant to the fairies development, and I actually have been thinking about explicitly tying them to charmix (or, idk if I’m keeping the concept of Charmix entirely intact because its BARELY a form. But i guess it can remain as a concept, and as a stepping stone to leveling up a fairy has to get her pixie/charmix (so its a standard step not just something the Winx girls have)

I really like how Amore and Chatta specifically contrast Stella/Flora’s respective personalities, because it brings to mind to me that charmix is supposed to be about overcoming some personal fear or weakness/character flaw, it makes sense to me to tie them together.

THAT SAID some of the pixie/fairy relationships are stronger than others.

Lockette’s theming as Pixie of Portals/a wayfinder can be styled as helping Bloom who is currently feeling ‘lost’ in an unfamiliar world, help her navigate both herself learning about and her newly discovered backstory/identity. I think that pretty much works: Lockette encourages Bloom to find the truth even if she’s kind of afraid to/ has been avoiding it. Amore’s calm peacekeeper demeanor definitely helps to temper Stella, and I feel like she could help deal with issues of not just romantic love but her relationships with her friends and her parents. I think Stella is full of love and affection, but doesn’t always show it / in the most considerate way.

Chatta forcing Flora to talk to Helia about her feelings is a pretty good example of what she brings to the table there, though I never want it to be just flattened to Flora’s romantic subplot - Flora could do with speaking up more in general! Have her forced to intercede in a friend conflict or assert herself when previously she was just letting the group overrule her!

Piff. I am conflicted about. Because like… she’s just a fuckin’ baby. there's a limited amount of personality there. She's sleepy. She's baby. I guess I think it’s cute that she helps Aisha with her bad dreams. I knee-jerk wondered if it was in bad taste to ‘mom-ify’ Aisha by giving her effectively a baby to care for but it really doesn’t read like that too much because Aisha is arguably one of the best-written and most complex of the girls. Piff could play a dual role - as someone Aisha has to stand up for and be brave for, but also a manifestation of childish wonder, to push Aisha to enjoy things she maybe didn’t have the opportunity to experience as a kid.

Tune is where it starts to lose me. I get it, Musa is tomboyish and brash and Tune is about manners but that really doesn’t feel as…important a problem to deal with? I feel like it may be a thing where Musa has to like… repair difficult relationships she has that are made rockier by how quick she is to argue, or maybe take responsibility for mistakes - like a formal apology and maturely talking about things rather than being avoidant? I’m not sure it’s best styled as ‘Etiquette’ if that’s the case. I’m taking suggestions on this one idk.

Aaaaaand they didn’t even try with Digit. She’s just a Flanderized version of Tecna. It doesn’t feel like she contrasts or challenges Tecna’s personality in any interesting way...Idk I kind of feel like she has to be changed whole cloth?

I know they replaced Tune and Digit but I’m not as familiar with Cherie or Caramel. I might look into whether their concepts work better for Musa and Tecna character arcs as they are currently swirling around in my head. What's the general consensus on those two?

My design thoughts are. I want to make the pixies much more…. Abstract I guess? What if they’re not their own species as much as concentrated sparks of magic - Fairies generate a lot of excess magic, hence ‘their pixie’ is actually a part of them - a little external manifestation of their magic fissured off my whatever internal conflicts or unaddressed needs they have, and resolving that allows them to re fuse with the Fairy? (Bonus: pixies are only around when relevant and I can poof them away when I don’t want them in a scene lol)

could you tell us about your experience with mushrooms? I've tried it many times, and I feel like it hasn't changed anything for me (though i had no expectations), but maybe i was "doing it wrong"

I posted about it a couple weeks back, so you can scroll thru for that, but it didn't do much for me. I felt high like I was on weed, I danced in a warehouse for a while, which was as pleasant as it always is substances or no, I went outside and the grass and leaves were shimmering, my friend drove me in their car and we listened to Bjork and it was very pretty and moving to watch the sunlight glisten on the skyscrapers and the lake, I felt a sense of peace and certainty in living here being an immense gift that I should cement by establishing more permanent roots here, housing wise, and then we went to the beach to watch a drag show and i drank a bubble tea and felt relaxed and good. later in the evening, mostly sober watching children's dog movies of the 90s like All Dogs Go to Heaven, I got kind of emotional. but nothing beyond my normal range of possible feeling. i was depressed the next day, sad like a forlorn child in a manageable way. i was irritable and pissy the next few days, desperately craving my own space and quiet, which used to happen a few years ago when i was in a worse living situation and place in my life. it felt like backsliding. i was annoyed that i felt that way. it stayed like that for a few days. now a couple weeks later im basically the same, but a little more resolute about some changes that i want to make. i feel like a serious adult man. if anything it just got me to where i was mentally heading a little bit faster.

sometimes the shrooms have something to teach you, my friend blair says, and sometimes they don't. while i was high in the car listening to bjork, i turned inward and asked the mushrooms, "hey guys, whats going on? what do i need to know, if anything?" and they said to me (im speaking metaphorically here) "you already know exactly what is going on in your life. you know what you're good at and what you want, and you know what has been persistently making you upset. youve made certain decisions about how to navigate the difficult things in your life, and you have an accurate gauge of what the costs of that are. not much else to say. you know what's going on." and i was like "bet." i didn't hallucinate, i had no big revelations, and i probably wouldnt do it again for a very long time because the come down sucked for me.

people overhype what substances can do for you, a lot of the time. it's just a tool. it can be fun. it can give you diarrhea. it can make you cry, and maybe that's good. it's not a solution to your problems it's just another problem but some problems are worth it in your own risk cost calculus etc.

and i find that many autistic people just aren't all that impacted by substances like allistics are. we're so reflexive at masking that our impulse may be to maintain composure and level headedness at all times. i was pretty sober after anesthesia too. i often wish that substances would give me some grand feeling of release, but once the drug hits my system all i want is to remain in control, as i always do. there's an infamous story about a guy who the CIA tested acid tabs on, who didn't hallucinate or act funny after like 30 consecutive doses. he just seemed normal. it turned out he was at baseline absolutely consumed with debilitating anxiety. so being super fucking high just gave him something to direct his hyperanalytical system's attention to. i hope someone reading this will remember this account and provide a link, im not being super precise. but. there's something about that experience that i relate to. ive never been out of control on any substance. i always seem pretty lucid, maybe a little sillier or more tired but even those things feel like a choice.

pretty sure you’ve talked about this already so many times so if you don’t want to keep talking about it no worries!!

but this Logan/Kimi swap thing BAFFLES me. Yes, Logan should have improved more by now. I really feel for him because it’s clear that he’s trying to improve and just can’t figure it out for some reason. Plus the team’s bizarre switch from “we resigned Logan because we believe in him” to what appears from the outside to be a lack of support. But i agree he won’t be on the grid next year.

But at the same time it’s idiotic for the FIA to approve the dispensation because then the rules are essentially meaningless. It’s idiotic for Williams to take on an underprepared driver (because as talented as Kimi might be, there’s no way he’s adequately prepared for F1 right now) when part of Logan’s issues were due to being underprepared. If this kid gets eaten alive then merc will have thrown away so much potential. Genuinely I think there’s an incredibly high chance no one wins here. Maybe it all works out, but it seems like a hell of a risk just because you’re worried that he might sign elsewhere.

anyway excuse the rant lol just read the new chapter and so intrigued 👀 hoping lando comes thru for you this weekend <3

No I could go for DAYS.

I wouldn’t blame the team for replacing Logan mid season. It’s incredibly difficult to score points at the bottom and you need to be running two cars. Williams have been fighting one handed. Logan is just not cut out for this, that to me is clear. I am so curious why they resigned him, I guess because they didn’t have any other options from their academy, but the way they seem to have absolutely had enough of him is sad. To hear him on the radio calling himself a “dumb fuck” is horrible. It’s all hard to watch. It’s giving Red Bull.

I don’t understand the Kimi thing. They made this rule because they didn’t want any more children in F1. How would they just throw that out the window because someone asks? And not even for a kid who has a wealth of experience. He’s driven what? 18 months in actual cars? The FIA will out themselves as a complete joke if they say yes. I guess Williams will be saying “we will put him in the day he turns 18 if you say no so you may as well say yes it’s 4 months early”, but I think they have to stick to their guns and say not a day before the 18th birthday.

I don’t have an issue with him being in the car. Maybe he’s another Max, maybe he’s not. Regardless, I think if he is good enough, he will show something. And if he doesn’t, then he doesn’t, there will be others who come up through the feeder series who do. I don’t put a lot of stock in preparedness beyond physical fitness. Another few months of driving F2 where the cars are very slow, very different set up wise, and honestly where the racing is kinda just a free for all is probably not going to prepare him any better than he is now (considering how few F2 races there actually are as well). I think talent shines through. Logan might have done better with more prep but he probably never would have been Oscar. And yes Kimi is underprepared, but the best prep you can get is just to drive, so if Toto really is planning to put Kimi in the Merc seat, this is the smartest way to get around the rules about testing. Because that’s all it’ll be, is testing. He can sit in the Williams for half a season and get his bearings, go to Merc and get his bearings again in 2025, and by 2026 he would be an incredibly well prepared driver. IF that is how Toto decides to approach it, and not expect results from Kimi. I actually do see the merit in it. But only if it’s approached properly by everyone involved which with Toto you can’t guarantee. BUT the FIA throwing out the rule book would be insane.

I’m SO interested what on earth Toto has promised Vowles to get a Merc junior who will essentially be wasting a seat for Williams in the middle of a season. Granted he probably can’t be worse than Sargent but again, James will effectively just have Alex all year. Are Williams getting free engines?

Fundamentally I think the person who comes away with egg on their face here is James Vowles. Mr “you need to give a rookie three years and an arm around the shoulder” has absolutely exposed himself as TotoLite™️. As for Kimi, I can only hope he has a good team around him and that he has people who will come to the paddock and look out for him and not just let Toto run his career. Because I don’t think him being in F1 early is a guaranteed failure, but I think he will need a strong support network and someone looking out for his best interests.

I’m just shocked by this turn of events in all honesty

Piggy backing off of the idea that Yves may of been born rich. That ask about his favorite foods also gives a new perspective to this idea as well.

Like we know that him trying the caviar wasn’t about the caviar itself but more so what it represents. Like the idea that he’s finally sitting (figuratively) at the same table as the people who were abusing him and consuming the same things they do. There’s a chance that he never even have such things even in his early childhood.

Like perhaps his parent(s) never allowed him to consume luxurious things despite the wealth or kept it away from him as punishment. Like he was constantly around it, but was never allowed to consume it. But was still forced to confirm to higher echelon etiquette because “you will not embarrass me”. That in itself would be a major mindfuck.

Perhaps he was literally locked away from guests for being “different” and mostly observed how his family and other blue bloods interacted with each other (this could possibly also be an origin point for his obsessively keen observance and mental documentation skills) and was only let out once in a while to not raise suspicion before eventually being thrown out or sent to a conversion camp which sent him on his initial spiral downward.

Those r just my ideas and thoughts though. What do u fink

U have such delicious thougts n ideas and i fink u r sexy for it

Yes that is true, Yves wouldn't care to let his kids try new foods, he would just feed them things that has all the nutrients to survive, but probably not the flavour to keep their sanity intact

Like id love to imagine Yves as this toxic almond mom whos ONLY that way to his kids, he doesnt have to be outwardly like mean about it but his aura that he emanates is disapproving when his kids eat something other than boiled chicken breast, rice and broccoli(and they dont wanna get into the deprivation sensory chamber again) like rmemever this guy counts calories like a cheapskate with money and went thru a fuckton of eating disorders

And he got them from his parents, so definitely he wasnt allowed to eat them fuckin caviars n scallops but he was allowed to ogle at them

But ykno i described yves as being super dumb a lot when he was young, so it naturally comes with the intense meekness and he was definitely a massive doormat due to his parents abuse

Holy shit anon u do raise a good point, his view on children is exactly like how his parents see offsprings, a tool to better their reputation at best, a parasite that needs extermination at worst. So if he doesn't act right into the duster closet he goes, but mostly he is quiet and obedient, blending well into the bluebloods.

However though, when he starts experimenting and liking more feminine things, getting caught happily twirling around in his mother's dress and playing with her expensive makeup... they go apeshit, berating him and beating the life out of him

Then just sent him to a horrific conversion camp, but i was thinking of like he didnt esxape from his family from there, like he was shipped back to his parents all traumatized then continued a couple more years acting hetero before being booted out to the curb

Still not sure how i wanna establish his entire lore tho, like i had an idea of reincarnation n shit for the main reason as to why he loved you so unconditionally, but that like doesnt fit the frame of storytelling that i want yet, im gonna focus on the present yves and keep his past a mystery for now

hello sir, i honestly found ur blog thru a really nice horny post (gotta draft insane tags because waow) and rushed to your blog to follow and maybe even put more of your posts on my sideblog

but your latest post, the longer one about how u feel not really cares for in your own space really stopped me in my tracks

like i know you said in your intro and even in ur post that you're still welcoming subs to leave messages in your asks and even dms, but idk, just having my first interaction with your blog be a full on kittyboy sub hornydump felt really shitty

I'm really sorry u experienced uncomfortable or weird or creepy subs on here, leaving shit you don't want to engage and not caring about doms and tops, nor aftercare for them, i wish u only had interactions from subs n bottoms properly respecting others, although it's not really something on me or u or anyone other than them ehhh

sorry about getting rambly, I'm just sorry u have to deal with that, i wish i could do something to make u feel better or just less shitty, u seem really cool, outside of the kink space too (from ur intro)

i know this ask is way too long and mostly not really in the proper tone for an anon ask on a kink horny blog on tumblr, i don't expect you to answer it or even read it fully tbh i guess i just wanted to let u know that even tho i just found your blog properly, and not thru random reblogs from other, even tho we never interacted, i appreciate you as a top and person outside of kink horny stuff too? and i think u deserve better than creepy guys not even caring about aftercare or basic respect

can't really send asks from my kink sideblog, so ig I'll just sign it woth good old anon emoji hihi

Holy 🪽 (he/him)

Thank you for that! I really appreciate it :]

Honestly that post wasn’t from a place of “you guys suck and should be ashamed” but truly from a place of hope that kink spaces and kink blogs can be comfortable for everyone! I’ve curated this space in a particular way, and I’m very lucky that I have the option to not respond to certain asks or delete dms or not interact with blogs that say off putting things.

It’s hard to exist in a kink space as a dom or a sub because sadly, as with anything in life, there will be people who don’t act with comportment and are unable or unwilling to follow the etiquette laid out.

I cherish and enjoy a solid 98% of interactions that I have with people on this blog! But I think it’s also important to be transparent about my experiences. I know that there are other doms and tops out there just like me who are harassed or who are put in positions that are uncomfortable. It is my hope that speaking about what it’s like to be on the other end of that will allow us all the understanding that while we operate in different roles- we still have the same flesh and blood and sinew coursing through us. The same feelings that can get hurt. The same hope that we are respected and enjoyed not for what we’re offering or for our bodies or roles but simply because people enjoy the content we make and may also enjoy who we are.

I’m not going into this with the unrealistic expectation that everyone that reblogs my post wants to know more about me as a person. Hell, I reblog a bunch of posts from blogs that I never see again!

I enjoy being a kink blog, I enjoy the content I make, I enjoy the people I talk to, I enjoy the asks, the dms, (I enjoy the attention a hell of a lot lmao!) And I also enjoy the rules and limits that I have placed. I enjoy my personal space. I enjoy feeling safe. These things can coexist and should coexist.

And y’know what. I’m not angry at the people who are weird. Maybe it was a horny brain-addled misjudgment!

But kink spaces should be safe for everyone, and the more I talk about proper etiquette with doms and tops- the more bottoms and subs that follow me are able to understand our perspective and see us as human beings :]

Thank you for your ask, I appreciate it! And I appreciate you!

Stew's Fic Recs 

Home to all the fics that I highly recommend, short, long or chaptered. 

Yellow by @eiflawriting (Nanami x Black Reader, chaptered)

Stew's Thoughts: When it comes to chaptered romance, I usually have a hard time sitting through it but this fic grabbed me by the throat and sat my ass down. And I sat. I'm actually not in the jjk world like that (i stopped at chapter 20 for like two years now and haven't touched it since lmao) but you know a fic is absolutely amazing if it can bring you in with you not even knowing much about it's canon source material. I highly recommend this and I'll forever give Alfie her flowers for this because this was beautifully written.

Reverb by @chrollohearttags (Eren x Black Reader, chaptered)

Stew's Thoughts: This is another chaptered romance that grabbed me by my throat and I paid attention to its order. This is ongoing as I write this and I honestly enjoy every chapter and can't wait for future chapters because I know Cherry will go above and beyond every time. I'm a sucker for the exploration of characters that aren't the reader and their thoughts/motives on the things around them. Cherry's way of conveying that is inspiring to me. If you're one for music, and its industry then this is the on for you.

Rogue by @redcoaster (AOT, chaptered)

Stew's Thoughts: Oh my god where do I begin with this one. This fic has been by my side since Middle School and it is monumental and so important to me. (lmao if you look thru the comments you can find one that i left) This fic is actually what sparked my love for non self ship fic as well as influenced the way I write. I highly HIGHLY recommend this to anyone who wants a very immersive experience. This story is based on the idea of Eren never existing; only his titan. This is an ongoing fic btw! The author has also created fanart to accompany the fic and I totally suggest for you guys to check it out on her page!

Requiem of a Redemption by @mangalover4321 (KNY, chaptered)

Stew's Thoughts: Okay so, I just started reading this (I'm on chapter 13 as I write this dont spoil me yall) and when I say that this had me sucked in IMMEDIATELY???? Some of you may already know that I'm an absolute sucker for all things Shinjuro (horny and otherwise, he's an interesting fellow) and angst so when I come across a fic that has that and I get to witness him suffer and try to reconcile with his sons? Oh, I'm gonna swallow it whole. All jokes aside, this fic is really amazing and I truly enjoy reading how another person writes Shinjuro and how his mind works.

Mistake and Jealous by @comatosebunny09 (Rengoku x Reader, imagines)

Stew's Thoughts: These two are honestly in my top ten Kyojuro Rengoku fics and I love how Bunny easily pulls me in. The tender moment in Mistake is to absolute gush and die for while the heartfelt moment of saving in Jealous is enough to make one's heart skip a beat. I truly enjoy these works by bunny and I wish I could read them again like it was my first time.

If you wish to see any other fics I recommend, no matter the length, style or content, then check out my stew's recs🍲 tag below!

waiter! waiter! more Kuwana headcanons please!!

no just kidding but can we please get some nsfw or sfw headcanons for my favorite depressed old handyman? I'd let him get handy with me if you know what I mean...

God, I miss Kuwana so much, I wanna replay Lost Judgment SO badly 😭😭 Crazy thing is, I've only played it ONCE when I've played 7 + Judgment for HOURS (and probably will pick up 0, Kiwami 2 & 5 for a replay at some point; sorry for Mine, Tanimura and Kido cause I ADORE them, but I'm NOT going thru block hell + prison break hell + Fuckin' Munakata AGAIN).

Idc Idc Idc, I just know Kuwana would treat me right 😔😔

He loves sleeping in as much as the next guy, and he’ll do it as much as he can get away with. However, if you are staying over (or rather, he stays over at your place, cause his is... like that), he’ll sacrifice his sweet, sweet sleep and wake up earlier than usual just to make you some coffee. He hasn’t quite let go of his daily morning coffee routine from his teacher days, so he has the experience and makes a mean cup of coffee.

Absolute husband material: caring, sweet, affectionate, absolutely adores you. This just in though: you must have guessed it by the state of his apartment, but cleaning is... not his forte to say the least. Cooking, he’s a bit better at, but he is still average at best—honestly, he might still be living off cup noodles and convenience store food, and living in that small, filthy one-room apartment if it weren’t for you.

Picked up reading as a hobby in his university days and it persisted well into his teacher days. When he got fired though, he had to quit buying books. In fact, he had to sell some to make ends meet. Admittedly, you’ve caught him staring at the books in your shelves more than once—please, please, please, let him read them, he will love you for it. It kinda makes him miss teaching, in a way, but it’s nice anyway.

As you may have noticed, his teacher roots are far from gone. Which extends to sex. Which means teacher-student roleplay. He’s fine doing it with no other add-ons, but if you go out of your way to add a sexy schoolgirl uniform to the mix—you might kill the man, honestly. Also, if you want to feel sore for a few days? Call him ‘Kuwana-sensei’.

Sex with him is more love-making than anything. Romantic, slow and passionate. Cuddle-fucking is his favorite position for a reason: he gets to have you pressed impossibly close to him, kiss you whenever he wants to, maybe grab a handful of ass or tits if he’s feeling like it (never ask him if he’s an ass or a tits guy though, he won’t be able to give you an answer).

Handymen need to know how to use their hands, and boy, does he know how to use his. There is nothing he likes more than seeing you fall apart on his fingers. If one day he doesn’t feel like having sex but you do, he’s not leaving you out to dry; he’s making you come on his fingers at least once, maybe twice if you can handle more.

literal tears are running down my face as i scroll thru your blog. on it it it feels like im back home.

i just wanna go back man. i just wanna be a kid running around on feralheart and drawing my ocs again and watching silly movies with my friends. it feels like im living a lie every single day of my life since then.

it hurts and fills me with so much shame to say that i feel like a kid, like i stopped mentally aging in like 2012, 2014 at the latest. the dysphoria is strangling. i dont want to describe it but yeah it sucks so bad.

i cant tell anyone in my life this in detail. cus i can feel the callouts. the sneers. the performative disgust. the gleeful hatred. everyone turning on me and making me into a joke. but this experience is so viscerally terrible and real and i cant just get over it and i cant choose to get better. i hate it.

youre the first person ive ever seen who seemed like theyd actually understand and its just overwhelming bcus it felt like i was completely alone. so i just wanted to say thanks for the catharsis of showing me im not beyond understanding. but im sorry if this is all selfish or upsetting. the last thing i wanna do is hurt or upset anyone, so feel free to ignore and delete.

thank you for ur blog and i hope you have a great day/week/month/year/life/forever <3

anon, im so so sorry i didnt answer this one sooner. i kept thinking, "when i get on desktop" but i never ended up back on desktop until i got this new monitor (win!)

i totally feel you, im glad i can bring you (though maybe bittersweet) comfort.

dysphoria and even feelings of 'transness' in places of identity other than gender and sex absolutely exist and are valid, and its really too bad its so stigmatized. you have my <3 and you have my thoughts. its tough, and theres more of us than youd think, hopefully, its an amount that comforts you... and i hope, you can find people who relate to you and you can share trust with and happy memories.

"performative disgust' is a topic i bring up a lot in this kinda discoursing. if i may, its pretty western too.. the need to be combative causes a strange sort of lash-out-culture, where people arent even neccisarily uninformed, its a lack of desire to be informed at all, and instead perform hatred for the acknowledgement of their peers. id know. it was me once. terrible and toxic situation, but its eaten the internet in many spaces....

its tough feeling trapped, unable to move forwards and feeling like youre "wrong". being disabled and growing up disabled makes those kinds of remarks and implications said by some people extra painful to me. and i know lots of us who feel dysphoria surrounding our facets of the self, both gender or non-gender, are neurodivergant as well, and as someone who was in special education, and then my school dropped me by force because i just "wouldnt" do my math, i know how painful it can feel both inside, but then to come forward and have people act like "just move forward" "just understand" "well you can never go back so just be here instead"... its painful.

i hope that between the time you sent this and now, youvbe found someone to be open to... if not, you can send me your discord off anon (wont pub) and we can chat there if you need it... youre certainly not alone anon, just the haters want you to feel that way. dont give in. do your best!

First of all, I’d like to disclaim by Occam’s razor: AB’s sister posting pics in CE’s backyard means she and her bf were there. Yes. Normal ppl would also post pics they’ve taken recently, so yes, logically speaking these photos were probably recent. Ok. Team real got their point made here.

HOWEVER…we’re talking about AB and this situation. What about this whole thing has made sense or been normal? Pretty much nothing. Even their pap walk debut made little sense bc they were both apparently in ATL, one filming a movie, the other doing yoga school, but chose to stop everything to fly into NYC and run around a crowded park in masks. Ok. And then go back into hiding. Very normal.

So, a theory (call it far fetched, call it delusional, whatever. It’s just a theory): back last summer? Or early fall, ppl saw that AB started following a guy (now known as her sister’s man). Pretty sure it was around mid-late summer. I think it tracks bc ppl claimed that she also filmed that chin video with Chris around late summer 2022 (somebody out there has those backdates idk). So let’s say she’s in the US, after her Paris movie promo is finished and she has time off. She travels to LA, meets sister’s bf and follows him on IG. Her sister is also there. They end up at CE’s house and take pics in his backyard. This is B4 the relationship launched but obviously they were planning things during the dormant hiding time re:scare/Vday videos. Idk if they filmed any stories in LA, but let’s say they’re planning this out to sell it all the way. Sister/Bf being local would be really helpful to help sell it down the road.

What if, these photos from her sister’s IG were actually taken last summer? I mean, sure, LA does experience some weather changes, but it’s much harder to pinpoint what time of year it is in LA than it is in the east coast. And without a time stamp, there’s no way to tell when these photos were actually taken. This also could mean AB’s side is catching on or gotten a little smarter by not having Justin or troll minions post real time stories, and instead let the private accounts leak SS that can’t be backdated.

Again, ALL of this is pure speculation. The reason team real has so much ammo is bc some PR theories skew very close to QANON conspiracy, but what they keep forgetting is that HW itself is basically a qanon conspiracy. So much of HW is smoke and mirrors. Nothing really makes sense and it’s not supposed to. Also, Social media is a highlight reel, not a reality. Ppl are miserably IRL but pretend on SM to be having the time of their life. Lastly, the first whispers of this relationship began thru SM. I believe IF it ends, it may end the same way it began. But that’s just my opinion.

I think it's a really good theory. That video was recorded on August 18, 2022, at least according to the app. We all know they are never alone, so maybe at the time Ana and her boyfriend played the chaperone's role 😅

Update for interested parties: the last few days were frought, the situation in Wisconsin was not what we had hoped it would be at all once we got here, and it ended up not working out. Too many people with not enough space and too many clashing needs. it ended up feeling very unsafe for everyone.

We're staying with a different friend instead now, and today their mom/owner of the property not only said we could stay here for the winter if we need to, but also was scheming to try and find us a pop-up trailer this morning which we were totally blown away by, she's wonderful. We still want the kind of mobility where we could take off again at a moments notice, so I'm sorting that out, but we're with friends and thankfully not in a rush to leave again anytime soon.

i'm not sure if a camper is what we'll end up with. It isn't quite as stealthy as i'd like (if we need to urban camp at all it doesnt really work), but it would certainly add a lot of space and be more than doable, and Bel really liked the idea. If that doesn't work out, I'll look at trading our current vehicle for a used camper van in a comparable price range. I've never done that before but I have time to do research.

Thanks to the donations this week, we were able to fill the tank and get Bels meds on the way out here, which was such a huge relief. That gives us at least another month to try to find a prescriber for another refill. We also got a great haul from the food pantry out here, which was fun because the lady we're staying with actually runs it and it's inside an abandoned building.

the pantry was already in the building when it wasn't abandoned. my friend's mom took it over and was allowed to keep it in its original space, but everyone else moved out. My friend had the keys, so they took us in thru the back and this series of totally unlit, crowded corridors with random appliances, furniture, books and clothes, all of it donated. it was one of the most surreal experiences I've ever had. I asked to go back to take more pictures, which is why the 2nd pic is lit better.

Their house is also really cool. It's an old farmhouse, much bigger, with fewer people here, and we have a proper room upstairs rather than in an unfinished basement. there's a super comfy bed in here, too. I actually haven't had back pain in the morning here, for the first time since my surgery in May!

Also, absolutely wild shit in the world of drugs: nary a weed dealer to be found in this area, because delta 8 has completely taken over the market. I was deeply unimpressed when I tried it a few years ago, but my friend got us a live resin hhc/cbd/cbg/thcp cartridge and........... I am stoned. Like PROPERLY stoned. I haven't been this properly stoned since like 2013. It does kinda give me a headache, but it also helps the pain and gives me munchies and helps me sleep just like real weed. I even remembered my dreams a bit better than with d9.

Anyway I'm very grateful for my queer community today, for my friends mom who has come to my rescue more times than my own mom, and for everyone who's been invested, sending us money, advice, locations to scope out, items, and links; everyone who's been reblogging; and even everyone who's just listening to us talk and post, watching quietly from the sidelines.

We still have to go retrieve the rest of our stuff from the last place (on Monday), and things always change in an instant. We still have a lot of complex feelings, and this week was especially hard for Bellamy. He's never been through all this before this year, and the 19th was the anniversary of his worst trauma, losing the only good and loving person in his life 6 years ago. To be kicked out specifically on that anniversary was brutal. it made me wish I'd never brought him here. I really thought we'd be better off with that friend than on our own for the winter, and I made a mistake.

But we will still be okay. For now, we aren't alone, we're with good friends in a safe place, we've got food and meds and gas. We even have another place to stay if we change our minds. We check in with each other and process our feelings multiple times per day. It's still hard to get used to coming and going all the time; we stay in one place just long enough to get comfy and then we take off again, which is never long enough form a routine. So we're trying to learn how to do that for ourselves, based on our own needs, rather than around the location. But we're getting used to that, and each other's habits. When I go out to the car for supplies it smells like home in there.

It's hard feeling like we don't belong anywhere, like strangers care more about our wellbeing than our actual families. My dad did give us the car, and six months of insurance. He even renewed my license for me. But neither of my parents checks in on me, asks where we are or how we're doing. My mom seems to be getting more reactionary in her old age; not only did my transition cause a rift between us, she's now doubling down on trying to "cure" my autistic cousin when she knows that for both of us (and for Bel), our autism is a source of pride. She knows my disabilities and neurodivergence are what started this housing instability 10 years ago. She knows my health has been worsening. She doesn't text or call. All of you following this story on here know more about how and where we are than she does.

But times like this show us who our real friends and family are, and it's not the people who've left us to our own devices out here. It's everyone who's been stepping in to ask, "How are you doing? Can I send you anything? Do you need to talk? I love you. I want you to make it." The random guy we met hiking who never told us his name but who told us, "I hope you guys thrive. I really do." It's everyone who's sent us another $10 for our supplies because I haven't spent long enough in one spot to get any work done. It's the people who have never even met us before who offered to take Bel's cats indefinitely, or to let us come stay with them across the country. It's everyone who's pitching together to buy us more time when we need it. Everyone who sees us and bears witness and feels something about it.

At the end of the day, we sort of are choosing this lifestyle; if we wanted out, we would have to stay in one place longer than winter, get jobs, save money, find our own housing. But we kind of don't. Despite the hardships, despite what this journey is revealing about ourselves and the people we thought we could trust, we feel like it suits us to live out of the car. We go where we want, when we want. We don't have to answer to anyone else's schedule. If we want to go south or west when it's cold and visit our friends, all we need is the gas money and the OK to come over. We love the woods and we love living out there. It feels distant and lonely sometimes, but so right. We like getting to bounce around and meet each other's people. We want to see the old growth and the redwoods and the mountains and the seaside and the grand canyon. We want to go to Cuba and Vietnam and Iceland and Denmark. Maybe our health won't allow for us to do absolutely everything we want, but working underpaid jobs and paying rent absolutely won't allow for it. We have a better chance at our dreams now. We can lose our place to stay again and be fine and just keep going; it's not the end of the world. It's what we planned on doing, anyway. No big deal.

Living in the car has already allowed us to do more and have more adventures in just 3 months than we did in 2 whole years of us both being housed. We do have a lot to process emotionally and there's a lot on our plates; it's hard, and we do need a lot of help. It's not always good. Not having access to the internet when we're running out of money and gas and food; not having anywhere to bathe; having to go long distances to collect water even when we're not feeling well; losing things because i put them in the wrong place and drove off; that doesn't even begin to scratch on converting the car for stealth camping, choosing our routes and places to scope for campsites in new areas, or trying to figure out which supplies would actually be more helpful and cost effective in the long run.

But it's still not really any worse than the rat race to stay employed and be good renters. It's just different. And after 10 years of housing instability, and waiting for something to change, it hasn't. I'm growing more and finding more peace by just leaning into it. Trauma and bullshit never ends. Life doesn't ever stop for you so you can think about what just happened; there's never gonna be a perfect, calm time for you to digest everything and then move on strengthened and changed for the next main event. You have to learn how to do all that and keep living no matter what bullshit is ongoing. That's what "rolling with the punches" means. The punches dont stop, you learn to expect them, you move with them. I cant put my life on hold just because I'm homeless. It's not stopping me from doing the things I want. It's not stopping me from being the kind of guy I aim to be, or from making the kinds of choices i want. My life before did that.

Tl;dr thank you for all your help and concern this week, we made it to a different space and are taking some time to breathe. We are feeling more than a bit bruised, this week has been awfully triggering, but we also feel very held right now and we have space to calm down. For another few days at least, it's gonna be okay.

✨️🛸✌️

I FUCKING LOVR THIS PORSHE

-

-

Hello hi , so I was reminiscencing about 2020. My whole life (most of my life) I only played call of duty. There was story RPGs here and there but I'd always go back to call of duty. And during 2018-2019 I was really starting to hate the State of COD. I played COD since I was little. Playing against bots b/c I couldn't get xbox online. I played the hell out of ghosts, bo4, Cold War, bo2 a bit, in total I'd probably have 4k hours racking up all together definitely more. And it's not like I didn't like story games or RPGs I think a lot of them outgrew replayability for me. The walking dead, life is strange, Bully. Most of these series I watched others play I never had money like that. But when I started working I played the hell out of these games and then I went back to multiplayers. Fortnite, was something I heavily played and Bo4. (These games I played heavily in high school 2016)

Then as time went on I stopped having ppl to play with and a lot of these games franchises I had loved , I started to despise. I never thought a company would hate their communities as much as they do now. I was strictly console player so I never had a chance to "broaden my horizons" with games and/or everyone was playing the same shit. So when I started to hate these games I took a chance on a game called "Cyberpunk 2077" I had saw clips of the game way back when, and I didn't really know shit about it except it was an open world rpg and u can hack shit.

So yeah I just wanted a change in scenery with my games I'd play. So yeah Cyberpunk released and it was broken. I was unfortunately experiencing it on ps4 anddd yeah the game barely functioned. The areas barely loaded in, yeah it was pretty bad. But I still wanted to see what the game had to offer. So as they made updates I was thrown into this new world that had me interested every step of the way. I don't usually say this but I'd genuinely want to play cyberpunk for the first time again.

Fast forward to 2020 I didn't realize other titles had released during 2020 cause all I was doing was playing cyberpunk. I had got a pc before or after it released but yeah. I was enjoying a shit ton of cyberpunk and learning Valorant. But for the most part cyberpunk was ALL I played for 4years. And idk I just can't believe CP2077 had such a hold on me. I think that's how games should be, I think CP2077 has written the best story I've seen in a very long time. And the different playstyles ppl can have was endless. During those 2 years of playing CP2077 there was countless updates and me STILL discovering new dialogues and choices thru out the game. Side quests and all.

I never thought I'd be a Virtual Photographer but CP2077 even sparked that for me and it's just made me so happy. I hope other games can take a page from CDPR's book to make these fresh and interesting. That may be easier said than done and "subjective" but I think cp2077 will be a top tier ip that everyone is going to love like gta and something like Skyrim. I hope I live long enough for the sequel and the world doesn't drop marshal law before I get to experience it 😎

I've felt this way for a long time but a lot of RPGs don't feel necessarily "fun" most stuff just feels like chores in the game. They slap a $70 price tag on these games just for the game to be broken, cliche story writing, and just bland and done before. A lot of RPGs follow a formula and I just hope these triple A companies break out of their comfort zones and actually create something new or engaging. Ppl deserve new stuff. I'm tired of seeing "10/10s" on games just cause it's "expected" to be good (but when I play it it's mid ashell)

This is my opinion please do not harass me over something like a damn video game this is just my thoughts. And I know this is wild but ppl have different opinions, and I'm not a god damn hive mind ass

advice for heartbroken anon close to giving up on love? it’s starting to feel like love is in only in books and movies 😢

Hi Nonny!

Aww I’m so so sorry you are heartbroken 😞 I hope you can heal soon. 🫶

Also I’m not going to sugarcoat anything, or give you platitudes. I’m going to be honest. I’m a horrendous cynic and I’ve been where you are many times. 🫶 So, firstly, hugs. 🫂

Secondly, don’t believe the bullshit. Real love is nothing like the movies, TV or even the fics I write. That’s escapist fantasy and yeah maybe dangerous in some ways if that’s the standard you are looking for.

Real humans are difficult and messy. Real love is hard and it often sucks. You may find someone who is your very best friend and still spend days hating their guts (that’s marriage lol).

I say don’t give up but also don’t let a lack of, or quest for, romantic love define you. I fully expect to be alone again someday and I’m teaching myself to be okay with that. Romantic love is nice but tbh the love of best friends is just as life affirming and sustaining in my experience. 🧡 last year I met an amazing person who is very close to me now and honestly that friendship has seen me thru some shit more than any romantic partner ever has.

So don’t be too upset, don’t look for movie/tv love. You never know what or who might be around the next corner.

I hope this helps! Thinking of you 🫶🧡🧡