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nicromancytarot · 2 months

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ALL ABOUT YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE 18+ themes, lots of information!!

This is a general reading based on a collective of people. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. If you don’t feel the pile resonates with you, don’t be scared to try another, if it still doesn’t feel right, that’s ok! Maybe our energies aren’t as connected and my readings are not for you.

I do these strictly for fun and educational purposes. I don’t change for these readings and I do not fake readings. I would tell you the cards I got but I pull like 15-20 cards each reading and that just slightly a strenuous task to write them all down lmao.

(This took me 3 days lmao, please like, follow and reblog)

PICK A CARD READING

I asked my spirit guides what you need to know about your future spouse, pick a pile to find out!!

Pile 1 ———> Pile 2 ———> Pile 3

PILE 1 (TW sexual abuse)

“I need to take time for myself” “let’s take this to the next level” “i don’t want anyone else”

Their appearance

I’m seeing lighter hair, light brown to a blonde-white, I’m seeing they may have muscles, or just a nicely toned body. It also looks like their back may be very prominent to their appearance, they may work out extra to achieve really nice back muscles. They could honestly have a large top half and skinny bottom half (Miguel O’Hara for example.) I’m seeing someone quite tall, they may have an interesting shaped head, like not in a bad way, it might just appear more prominently on them. For a guy, long third leg.. (They allowed me to say this one.) Possible big ears, or maybe even wears earrings or something to highlight them. The right side of their face is the best for them lmao, they might pose showing their right side for pictures.

About them

They‘ve have been through some hardships in their life, they’ve been fucked over pretty bad in the past, and while they don’t like to dwell on it, I wanted to bring it up. It’s seeming like they may have gone through sexual assault, I’m seeing that they used to appear quite sexualised in the past, something they did themself, however, someone close to them felt valid enough to abuse their power and cause harm to your partner through their self-expression. This hurt your partner a lot, they’re still healing, I’m heading “please take your time with me” when it comes to sex, they have some extreme vulnerability about it, they need you to understand that; they’re begging me not to sexualise them, and they’re asking you nicely to do the same, give them the respect that someone thought was ok to steal from them.

Due to this mass betrayal, they appear very closed off to new love, they have a lot of people that want them, and fawn over them, but this situation has completely made them turn a blind eye to those who see them. It will take you a while to crack this person open, however once you do, it will be more than worth it.

They will be very slow to start this connection with you, but once they are sure that you can be trusted, and they feel safe around you, they will set up camp by your side, and they don’t plan on leaving.

Their career

They’re very financially successful, but I see that this took them a while, I think they began building up financial abundance due to wanting their family to be there for them, and take notice in their achievements.

In work I think they may be underestimated, appearing as the lioness, I can only be reminded of the over glamorisation of lions, and the societal irrelevancy of lionesses, even though they do more for the lion population than the lion, as a collective do for themselves. Unfortunately this being said, I see they are idolised for their body, rather than their talents (I’m getting Sidney Sweeney, and Vinnie Hacker for this, both talented people, who are only seen as pieces of meat, or some type of chew toy.) Your person is really disrespected and it’s making me so mad, man. They’re trying their hardest to break out of the stereotype, however I feel as though there are colleges of theirs that constantly sexualise them, making them feel very uncomfortable. Again, I’m getting the same message as before, they are yearning for someone to treat them like a human being, and not just a vessel of sex organs.

Their family

Mentioned prior, they do not have the best relationship with their family, I think there’s some deep-rooted and ínstense trauma from possible childhood, I see they were the type of child to get all perfect grades to try and impress, and make their parents proud, however I don’t think it worked. Their parents seem very self focused and absorbed in their own life, and business.

They assumed that becoming even more successful, making a name for themself, earning masses of money would make their family proud, but it never worked.

They may have cut their family out of their life, or they are considering it. If they don’t decide to cut their family off, it most likely comes from hope and fear, they are scared that their family won’t notice all their biggest achievements if they cut them out, and they hope that eventually they will be able to achieve something big enough so their family is proud of them. They blame themself a lot for “not being enough” and not making them proud.

How they are in bed

I was not able to get much for this, but I do see that they need to really be able to trust you fully before getting into bed with you, they need a lot of time and reassurance, they really need you to understand their fears. The first time you guys have sex, you may unintentionally bring up some hidden wounds, they’re telling me to tell you not to worry, they’ll look into your eyes and it’ll be gone. They may need eye contact the first time, they need that constant reminder that it’s you, and that you won’t hurt them.

They gave me a few explicit messages, so for that I got

“Cum on your face”

“Make a sex tape” (I feel like they would burn this onto a hard drive and keep it in a place only they know about, only showing you if you asked them to.)

“Food play”

When I got these messages, I had a fan on so I needed to put the papers under something so they didn’t fly away, I unknowingly put them under the chariot card, so I’m really getting again that you will need to work for this. The chariot was also the only sexual illustration I got.

Another thing is that they don’t want you telling your friends about your guys sex lives, they don’t want more people to sexualise them.

They also may finish very fast the first time, this could be out of sensation since I don’t think they would’ve had sex for a very long time by the time you guys meet and start dating.

Their love language

Acts of service, they enjoy doing things for the people that they care about, unfortunately it seems this has stemmed from their neglecting childhood, they feel as though they must do something for someone to feel loved. They do not quite understand that love is not a give to receive, you may have to be the one to teach them this. Your future spouse only believe people will love them if they do something for that person in return.

Quality time, they like to be with the people they care about, i’m seeing two people sat in silence on some arm chairs, one person is resting their head on their arm while scrolling aimlessly on their phone, meanwhile the other is reading a book, holding it with one hand as the other plays with the hand belonging to their counterpart, their fingers tracing the skin of their lover’s hand gently, fingers only just intertwining.

Their shadows

Your future spouse does not see their own self worth, they do not value themself as a person, or even a creator, whatever they do in life, they are a very creative and diverse person, yet they don’t feel that way. It’s as if they suffer from imposter syndrome, they never feel worthy of their achievements, because no one ever made them feel as though their success mattered.

They can be very closed off with their feelings, they become resentful towards their emotions and just wish they could rip the feelings from their body. They may say things they don’t mean in the moment, mostly because they don’t feel worthy of your love, but as soon as they realise what they have done, they will bring you to their chest and hug you tightly.

This reaction will never escalate further than a shout of anger.

I sense they might refuse therapy, you may have a lot of arguments about this, they try to tell themself that they do not need therapy, but this is mainly because they fear they will be laughed at, for coming to this person with trauma that even they struggle to understand, even after having gone through it. I would encourage you to try your best to get them to go to therapy, maybe even both of you together so you can get to know each other on a more intimate level.

Please be gentle with them my pile 1, they are truly a blessing of a soul.

PILE 2

“I’m not ready” “you’re too good for me” “let’s take this to the next level” (you may have been attracted to pile 1, if so maybe go check it out.)

Their appearance

Lighter hair, for a select few of you, it’s black. I think they might have longer hair, and like to wear it up, or they enjoy covering their head with a hat or other accessories. I’m getting medium height, maybe even shorter than you, or possibly only a little taller than you. I think they enjoy dressing more provocative, perhaps having shirt buttons undone, or just not wearing a shirt at all, they really like their body, and they know they have a good one. If they have abs, I would say they are there but quite faint, not toned, just enough to show. Their hair could be curly, or it’s just the first thing you notice when you meet them. I’m getting pirate vibes, they might dress up more like a pirate honestly, buttoned down blouses, a bandana on their head, their hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. The area of their nose, lips, philtrum, and chin is very prominent, a main focal point on their face. Their eyes make them look tired and drunk, the classic sleepy eyes. They may wear a lot of jewellery, specifically gold. Their skin seems more into the tanner tones for the dark haired individuals, they may be part of the latino/a community. For the people with lighter hair, I see they could be based around Europe.

About them

I hate fuelling delusions like this, but multiple cards are pointing to this person being an ex, it seems like they had your heart at one point and came back for more, after having messed up the first time. They do seem very remorseful for their previous mistakes, they want you to know that they were naive and selfish, they didn’t know how to treasure something as important, and valuable as your love, however they want you to know that they are ready now. I see they could have cheated on you in the past, left you for another person, or just been toxic with you, and just treated you badly. Please take in mind that I do not want you to get back with any super shitty ex, you have free will so don’t do that, however I do think this person has changed for the better. With the chariot, and hanged man, I’m seeing they worked on themself to be able to be good for you, it may have taken them a few years.

For those of you who’s future spouse is not an ex, I would say that the first time you guys met, there was a sense of competition and it turned you completely off from them, or they just came across rude, and arrogant while trying to impress you, and you just weren’t feeling it. They’re coming back around to show you how serious they actually are about making this relationship with you work. They will need some time, one sided enemies to lovers lmao.

Their career

I feel as though they have a good amount of material wealth, they seem to have everything they could desire, they could be a little bit of a workaholic, which possibly can cause some drama between you, you will need to remind them of how important spending time together is, they will listen, they are always willing to compromise with you.

Their job is one filled with a lot of competition, I’m honestly getting technology, they could work with technology, they could be under a tech company position, or maybe they even work from home doing their own thing on their computer.

They can appear secretive when it comes to their job, they’re not trying to keep it a secret, or hidden from you, they simply just don’t really think to talk about it that much. Lowkey, they could be a moderator for some type of famous streamer, (lmao??) or they could work in a position where they help people with managing publicity, like an agent or something.

This job does seem interesting, but it does come across a little like they do it more so for the money, than for an actual enjoyment that they find. Some of them do enjoy their job, but I don’t think they would stick with it, if it didn’t offer them the money and exposure that it does.

Their family

I honestly feel like it was their family’s influence that got them to start working on themself, I get the sense that their mother was possibly the one to force them into therapy, she may have even sat through his first session lol.

I think he’s mainly closest to the woman in his family, I’m getting a close friendship with their 1-2 sisters, possibly older, rather than younger. Im getting that they see them a little puppy that needs training, if you guys get into an argument, and they go to their sisters, the oldest one would be quick to correct your future spouse on their mistakes, and convince them to talk to you again and apologise for whatever they did.

Their family love you, if it’s a second chance scenario, they are so happy that you guys get another chance at loving each other, they truly want you to stay part of their family.

I’m seeing a young girl, possibly around the age of 5-6, you will be very close to her, I’m feeling it’s a niece or cousin, who is constantly around when you visit the rest of the family.

How they are in bed

They honestly appear quite vanilla, all bark no bite to be honest, they will say the flirtiest things to you, and they appear quite sexual, but once you get into the bedroom, they become all shy and reserved, there is a potential for you to bring them out of their shell however.

I’m seeing that sex for them is more-so about their own pleasure, they can seem a bit selfish during sex because of this, they may also see it as a way to compete with others, I’m hearing “I have them in a way that no one else ever will,” they may deal with a little bit of jealousy when it comes to your relationship, they are you as a very desired person, so they worry that someone will steal you away from them, being intimate with you is like proof to them that you are there’s and no one else could have you in such a compromising position.

They may finish really fast, I’m seeing someone who is struggling to keep their attraction in, the way your eyes penetrate into theirs will have them a stuttering mess, unexpectedly pushing them to their climax, though I feel like you will be nowhere near your own. You may need to help them with how to pleasure you, so you also reach your destination!

They could be a virgin, they don’t seem very experienced, they may have even waited for marriage, so this could be the night of your wedding.

They’re on top, it makes them feel more masculine and in charge of the situation, I also think they need to be able to pick their own pace to make sure they don’t overwhelm themself the first time.

They will be bursting with anticipation every time you initiate something with them.

They may have a desire to watch you touch yourself, they know about the important places of pleasure for people of your gender, however they don’t know exactly how to treat those places, so they may ask you to touch yourself to show them, this could lead to an intense session of mutual masterbation, for the select few of you, this will come before your wedding, they’ll ask you about how they should pleasure you on your wedding night, and you will show them, they will get into the mood as well and join you in the bed, this will almost make them cave in and take you there and then.

“Pull my hair”

“You make me so hard/wet”

“Let me taste”

Their open to whatever you’re into, just give them time to adjust to the new sensations of sex first, before you spring any random kinks onto them.

Their love language

Physical touch, they enjoy being around you and putting their hands on you at any chance they get, they like to hold your hand, to wrap their arms around your waist, they just like how you feel under their touch, if they feel like they’re working too much, they will invite you to sit with them, possibly on their lap so they can have you with them.

They like their bare skin to touch yours, I don’t think they sleep with much on, maybe shirtless with a pair of underwear, they will press their front of your back, making sure their bare chest hits your bare back, and back of shoulders.

Gift giving, they like to buy you things, I think it’s in a way of trying to make up for how they treated you in the past, they use their money to prove to you how serious they are about you and their relationship with you, they’re very possessive of their material wealth, so sharing it with you is something massive, and unexpected. If you see something in the store window, they’ll notice you even as much as glanced at it, and they will make sure it belongs to you in no time.

Their shadows

Their can appear a little selfish at times, I think they’ve had to protect and defend themself all their life, so now they feel as though shutting people out and not letting them in is the best answer to cure and keep away any upcoming insecurities.

Your future spouse needs to lose things to understand how much they actually mean to them, they don’t appreciate things enough until it’s taking away from them, luckily for them, they tend to work hard enough to manage to get this back, ensuring that it will never be taken away again.

Their downplay their transformations, they don’t exaggerate, but honestly the complete opposite, they feel as though their past and their future and two completely different identities, they need constant reminders that their success is still their success, no matter how long ago it was.

PILE 3

“I don’t want anyone else” “do you feel the same?” “you’re the only one I want in my life” (again, you could’ve also been attracted to pile 1, I wouldn’t recommend going back up however, I think it may have been the warning that caught your eye rather than the pile itself!)

Their appearance

I’m getting chestnut brown, to black hair, for a woman, it’s casts down her back, quite long. For a man, It’s around medium length, maybe just above their shoulders. Their back is very prominent in this pile, I feel like they have nicely defined back muscles, however I do not think they are an incredibly muscular person. They could honestly dress more punk/emo, wearing black leather jackets which are decorated, and bedazzled with silver spikes, I do see a possibility for a more alternative style for men, feminine outifts for women, types of styles that accentuates their hips and bust.

They might like going outside a lot, they’d be the type to suggest a camping trip, so they wear clothes that are suitable, and durable for being outside for extended periods of time. Big black boots is another thing I’m getting, their hair could also be spiked up for a select few of you. (I’m honestly picking up Johnnie Gilbert similarities for this pile, maybe Johnnie’s future wife is watching, and they just don’t know, that’s crazy.)

About them

They know better than to overwork themself, they may be the type that needs to mentally recharge after being around people for too long, they also seem to take in a lot of energy when around people, they’re like a little portable charger, however this does mean that they get burnt out very quickly. Luckily, they are not one to ignore the signals of their body and mind, so if they need to rest and be alone for a little, they will do that, this can however make them appear a tad aloof.

I don’t think they’re the best at expressing their emotions, they keep them hidden for a reason, I believe out of fear of judgment, or getting hurt again. I’m seeing someone who may have been cheated on by an ex partner, I don’t imagine they got closure on whatever this situation was, if it wasn’t cheating, it was some type of intense betrayal. They may appear a bit condescending at times, this is their way of trying to push you away before you find out about their feelings, they weirdly think you will leave them or condemn them for showing any natural, human emotion.

Their hardworking in all areas of their life, mainly self improvement, they want to become the best version of themself, so their partner can be comfortable with them. I do see that they will have a dramatic change of circumstance, or just who they are as a person, around the time that they meet you, which would be done for you, or for some of you, they will improve themself right before you guys meet, this change in their life will bring you to them.

Their career

They have a job where their workload and work time is flexible, they have the ability to not work one day, and pick up the work the next day if they so please. This is good because it means they will be making sure they always have time for you, to make you feel appreciated.

Their job is focused around nurturing responsibility, they are a leader of their area, but not a leader overall, they may have some type of job where they have to be a role model for people of a younger age, mild fame or influencing is showing strongly (bro which one of you are Johnnie’s wife, this is getting too specific.)

The job brings in a lot of material abundance, I don’t see they have to worry about too much, other than understanding that their work can be overwhelming, and that they need to pace themself, allowing themself to take breaks is super important with this pile.

It’s a job that offers them long term stability, and more money with the higher their position gets, if this person is mildly famous, or some type of influencer, the more fame and fans they gain, the more money they will be raking in, however they do need to remember where their loyalties lie, and always make sure to appreciate the fandom that gave them what they have now.

Their family

Their family are so different from them lmao, like polar opposites, I’m seeing the sweetest mother who always makes baked goods, sometimes they can appear a little interesting, but taste good nonetheless. Their father calls them by a nickname which your future spouse hates, their father is really sweet, I’m getting someone a little more laidback, who would rub your partners hair to mess it up for absolutely no reason.

You will feel very welcome into this family, they do not discriminate since their son/daughter/child has gone through some intense stuff in their life, and they are just thankful that you are able to bring them security, and safety, your person could’ve struggled badly with mental health, and it may have worried their family, so their parents are super happy that you’re able to keep them happy. However, please remember that someone’s mental health is not your responsibility solely.

How they are in bed

I don’t think they would’ve had sex for a while before you guys got together, I think they may have done some type of sexual cleanse, they were possibly a fuck boy/girl in the past, so they quit it to help themself improve and be the best version of themself.

They may need a little while to really get ready to be intimate with you, it might come as a conversation that the two of you share, explaining that you would like to have sex with them, and them setting a date for it so nothing can go wrong. I see them prepping by shaving their entire body lmao, they’re going all out, if it’s a man, they’re going to get so many cuts in all the wrong places, and they will definitely complain about it to you. They do expect you to be as prepared as they are, so get yourself ready, find yourself a nice, new perfume and get to it.

I do not think they will have sex with you outside of the relationship, I feel as though they have so many sexual requests from people, it makes them feel only valuable for their body, they don’t want to be seen as just a warm body that you get to lay under, the first time you are intimate with them. You have to prove yourself before sex, and even then, it may take a while. I’m getting around eight to ten months after dating, they really don’t want to be fooled and used for their body, especially after their sexual cleanse.

They like to be on top, they may honestly end up sweating and shivering at the end of it, like that one scene from Titanic when Jack is shaking in the carriage while laying on top of Rose with a blanket.

The sex will get progressively more rough and interesting over time, but the first time is just pure love making.

“Look into my eyes”

“Fuck you silly”

“Tie you up”

I’m getting that they will need aftercare more than you will, while both of you will be giving it to each other, they are a lot more in need of it, I feel like you would be fine to just go into the kitchen and make yourself something to eat, meanwhile they desire to be in your arms for the next couple of hours.

Their love language

Physical touch, they need to be at least holding your hand at all times, they would lowkey like to wear a lipstick stain you created on their cheek or jaw, they like people to know that you are theirs, and they are yours. They may also really like when you give them hickeys, they will absolutely allow those to be on show for everyone to see, they are too proud to hide them. They like to hold your stomach? Perhaps it’s when you sleep, they like to rest their hand on your stomach, or perhaps they want to get you pregnant, they may be very serious about having kids sometime in the future.

Words of affirmation, they really appreciate when you tell them how good they look, or how the outfit they’re wearing is amazing on their body. They specifically enjoy your compliments, you have a way with explaining things, that makes it seem so much more authentic and honest, they trust your judgment a lot. I do see they have a tendency to feel very insecure, and although so many people tell them how beautiful they are, your future spouse struggles to believe them, thinking it’s some kind of sick joke, but they know you would never joke or make fun of them about that. You’ll be very surprised to find out about their insecurities, you may even think they’re playing with you the first time they mention it, this could make them feel invalidated, so be careful how you tackle this!

Their shadows

They constantly ignore their problems, they have an “out of sight, out of mind” way of thinking, which is just barbaric because it means they don’t sort through their issues and instead push them out of the way. You may need to help them with healing from some past trauma, and realising that they are allowed to feel hurt and anger from those past situations, as they were not at all ideal.

Your future spouse is quick to push people away when they feel as though they’ve said too much, and opened up more than they desired to, due to this, there may be a few times when you feel helpless, and they seem helpless, this is something you can work through together.

They get very defensive, very quickly, if you say something that unintentionally triggers them, they will shut off, going into some type of hermit mode until they feel ready to talk about whatever it is that bothered them.

#pick a card #tarot #tarot reading #tarotblr #tarotcommunity #free tarot #tarot witch #daily tarot #pick a pile #tarot cards

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rynwritesreid · 9 days

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She’s electric| Spencer Reid

A/N: I may have gotten carried away with this one, I’m sorry :)

Summary: After trying to make Spencer jealous, he decides to teach you a lesson.

Content: Smut/18+/MDNI. Fem!reader. Sub!reader. Dom!spencer. Rough sex. Choking. Orgasm control/denial. Spanking. Mean Spencer. Use of pet names. Possessiveness. Creampie/PinV. Handjob(F!recieving)

Masterlist| requests are open| Navigation

It wasn’t really a secret that Spencer Reid liked to be dominant, and that he liked to be rough. However, you had truly underestimated him, and because of this, you were about to learn a valuable lesson.

“Spencer, baby, are you okay?” you asked with a faux innocence, you knew he wasn’t okay, he hated seeing other people flirt with you and he hated that you gave them the time of day. Spencer though, he didn’t speak a word and just firmly grabbed your thigh, which is his way of asking you to shut up.

“Spencer, please? What’s wrong?” Spencer's gaze was intense as he pinned you with a steely look, his grip on your thigh tightening almost warningly.

“Okay, if you’re not going to speak, I’ll just explain myself.” You paused for a brief second, giving the chance to speak up, “you’re extremely hot when you are jealous, like extremely.”

Spencer's expression shifted from one of intense focus to a hint of amusement, a small smirk playing on his lips. “I’m going to fucking ruin you.”

You couldn't help but laugh, because sure Spencer was rough, but rough enough to ruin you was laughable.

Once both you and Spencer had gone back to his apartment, and you had shrugged off what he had previously said and settled onto his couch, flipping through the TV channels as if nothing had happened. Spencer, however, had other plans in mind. Without a word, he approached you and swiftly pulled you up from your seat, his grip strong but gentle.

“Do you know what happens when you misbehave?” Spencer whispered, his voice low and dangerous.

Before you could even form a coherent response, Spencer's lips crashed down on yours in a searing kiss that left you breathless. His hands roamed your body with purpose.

The intensity of the kiss left you dazed, as Spencer's dominant nature took control. His hands firmly gripped your waist, pulling you closer to his body.

Breaking the kiss, Spencer's eyes were filled with an unyielding determination that you had never seen before. "You crossed a line, and I'm going to make sure you never forget it."

With a smirk, Spencer reached behind you, grabbed the remote off the coffee table, and hit the power button on the TV. The screen went dark, and the room was plunged into silence, save for the sound of your quickening breath.

Spencer led you to the bedroom, his steps firm and purposeful. He pushed you onto the bed, and your eyes widened in surprise as you realized that he was going to make good on his promise.

Without a word, he began to undress you, his fingers deft and skilled. You tried to protest, but his silence was deafening, and you knew better than to fight him.

Once you were naked, he stepped back, taking in the sight of you lying on the bed, vulnerable and exposed. “Now be a good girl and spread your legs.”

Your stomach fluttered with a mix of fear and excitement as you hesitantly complied with his command, spreading your legs wider. Spencer's gaze was intense as he studied you, and you could almost feel the heat of his desire emanating from him.

Spencer stalked back towards the bed, his eyes dark with lust and dominance. You could see the cords in his neck stand out as he clenched his jaw, and you knew that he was trying to control himself.

“Touch yourself for me.” His voice was low and gravelly.

You hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to do, but then you felt his hand on your chin, tilting your face up to meet his gaze. "Do it," he commanded, his voice low and hoarse.

Reluctantly, you reached down and touched yourself, feeling the wetness between your legs. Spencer watched you closely, his breath coming in short gasps.

"That's it," he murmured, his voice rough with desire. "You're so wet for me."

You continued to touch yourself, your fingers exploring your own body as his eyes never left you.

"Fuck, that's hot," Spencer groaned, his breath coming in ragged gasps.

“Spencer, please, please touch me.” You gasped.

You felt his fingers trace the line of your jaw, his touch firm but gentle. He dragged his thumb across your lower lip.

“You want me to touch you?” he asked, his voice low and gravelly.

“Yes, please,” you whispered, your voice barely a whisper.

“Well, if I was to give into your commands, this wouldn’t be much of a punishment, would it?” his voice was somehow thick “and plus, I’m enjoying the show.”

You felt a twinge of frustration mixed with anticipation, you knew that Spencer wanted to push you to your limits, but you also knew that he couldn't resist you when you needed him the most.

"Spencer, please, I need you to touch me," you pleaded, your voice growing more insistent.

Spencer smirked, his eyes never leaving your face. “If you insist, but this isn’t going to turn out how you want.”

He leaned down and brushed his lips against yours, a fleeting taste of what was to come. His fingers trailed down your side, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. He stopped at your thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze, his eyes never leaving yours.

You looked up at him, your breathing shallow, your heart pounding. "I need you, Spencer."

He chuckled darkly. "You'll get more than you bargained for, darling."

His fingers moved lower, dipping into the wetness between your legs. You gasped involuntarily, your eyes wide with shock and desire. He stroked you gently, moving in slow circles, building the tension between you.

“I love the way you look with my fingers inside of you.” Spencer's fingers delved deeper, hitting a spot inside you that sent shivers throughout your body. You moaned softly, your body arching slightly against his touch.

"You're so tight, so wet, so perfect," he murmured, his voice low and husky.

You let out a quiet moan, your body trembling with desire. "Spencer, please, don't tease me."

He smirked, his eyes never leaving your face. "I'm not teasing you; I'm making sure you remember why you shouldn't push me."

Without warning, he thrust two fingers deep inside you, his fingers curling to hit that spot that made you see stars. You cried out, your body trembling uncontrollably.

You moaned loudly, the sensations overwhelming you. He increased his pace, fucking you with his fingers, his thumb still rubbing your clit in circles.

"Spencer, I'm going to cum" you panted, your body on the edge.

“Have I given you permission to cum?” Spencer demanded, his voice low and authoritative.

You gasped, your body shaking with desire. "No, sir."

"You're close, aren't you?" he asked, his fingers never slowing down.

You nodded, your breathing quickening. "Yes, Spencer, I need. . . I need to cum!"

His hand flew to your throat, his grip firm but gentle. "You're not allowed to cum until I say so."

Your eyes widened, but you nodded obediently. "Yes, sir."

With that, he slowed his pace, his fingers moving in and out of you in a slow, deliberate rhythm. You moaned softly, your body still trembling with desire.

“I’m going to make you beg for it, to cum, he whispered, his voice filled with promise and threat. “But remember, you’re not allowed until I give you, my permission.”

You whimpered, your body begging for release, but you knew better than to disobey him. Your mind raced with the mix of fear and desire, fuelling the intensity of your arousal.

Spencer continued to tease you, his fingers moving in and out of you in a slow, torturous rhythm. Your breath hitched, your body straining against his touch. You felt like you were on the edge of a precipice, and any moment you might fall over.

"Please, Spencer," you begged, your voice hoarse with desire. "Let me cum."

His eyes locked onto yours, and you could see the desire burning in his gaze. "Not yet," he said, his voice firm.

“Please, Spencer, I need it so badly,” you pleaded, your voice shaking with need.

His eyes met yours, and he smirked, his eyes filled with lust. “You know the rules, darling. You can’t cum unless I say so.”

You moaned, your body trembling with need. “Please, Spencer, please, just let me cum.”

He slid his fingers out of you, leaving you shivering. “I’m not done with you yet.”

He laid you down on the bed, your legs still spread wide, your body still wet and aching. Your heart raced with anticipation, your breaths shallow as he stood above you, his eyes burning with desire.

“Do you think you’ve learnt your lesson?” he whispered, his voice low and gravelly.

"Yes, please, just fuck me already," you whimpered, your body begging for relief.

Spencer chuckled darkly, his eyes never leaving yours. He grabs you by the throat, his fingers tightening around your neck, and you gasp for air, your heart pounding in your chest.

"Don't ever disobey me again," he growls, his eyes fierce.

You nod obediently, your eyes wide with fear and desire.

"You're mine, and I'll punish you any way I see fit," he murmured, his voice thick with desire. "I'm gonna make you remember this, darling," he growled, his eyes never leaving yours. "You crossed the line, and now you'll pay the price.

You whimpered, your body trembling with fear and arousal. "I'm sorry, Spencer," you breathed, promising never to disobey him again.

He released your throat, his fingers stroking your cheek gently, his eyes filled with desire and a hint of tenderness. "Good girl," he said, his voice still rough with emotion.

Without warning, he plunged inside of you, his cock hitting that spot that made you see stars. Your body arched beneath him, your moans mingling with his as he drove into you relentlessly. Your breaths came in short gasps, your heart pounding against your ribcage.

"Is this what you wanted?" he growled; his voice thick with lust. "To be punished by me?"

"Yes, Spencer, please don't stop," you moaned, your body shaking with need.

He slammed into you harder, his hips swinging rhythmically. "You're mine," he growled, his voice low and dark. "And you're going to take every Last. Inch. Of. My. Dick."

You moaned loudly, your body trembling uncontrollably. He continued his relentless assault, each thrust hitting your G-spot with perfect precision, sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body. You felt like you were going to explode, so you pleaded with him again.

"Please, Spencer, let me cum," you begged, your voice quivering with desperation.

He chuckled darkly, his eyes never leaving yours, "You're going to learn not to push me, darling. And when you're ready, you'll ask me for permission."

You nodded, your body aching for release, but you knew better than to disobey him. Your mind raced with the mix of fear and desire, fuelling the intensity of your arousal.

"But I want to cum, Spencer," you whispered, your voice shaking with need.

He pulled out of you abruptly, leaving you gasping for breath and shivering with need, leaving a void that only he could fill. Your eyes burned with desire, watching as he stood before you.

"Then you'll have to learn to be patient," he said, his voice low and seductive. "I'll teach you how to be a good girl, and only then will I allow you to cum."

You moaned softly, your body aching for his touch. "Please, Spencer, I need you."

He smirked, his eyes never leaving yours. "You need to learn your place, and right now, you're not there yet."

He reached down, grabbing your throat, his fingers tightening around your neck. You gasped for air, your heart pounding in your chest, your eyes wide with fear and desire.

"Do you understand?" he growled; his eyes fierce.

You nodded obediently, your eyes pleading with him to release your neck and continue.

"Good," he muttered, releasing your throat and stroking your cheek gently. "Now, let's see if you can be a good girl."

He moved his fingers to your clit, circling it slowly, teasing it with each touch. Your breath hitched, your body arching beneath his touch. You moaned softly, your arousal growing with each passing second, your body trembling uncontrollably.

"Please, Spencer, please, touch me," you begged, your voice shaking with need.

"Soon, darling," he whispered, his voice filled with promise.

He continued teasing you, his fingers moving in and out of you in a slow, torturous rhythm, his fingers gently stroking your clit, causing waves of pleasure to course through your body.

You cried out, your body straining against his touch. You felt like you were going to explode, so you pleaded with him again.

"Please, Spencer, let me cum," you begged, your voice shaking with need.

“Go ahead princess, cum.” His voice was like a switch in your mind, a sudden surge of power that made every muscle in your body clench. Your eyes widened as you felt your orgasm building, a fierce heat spreading through your body, making your skin tingle and your breath catch in your throat.

"Yes, cum for me," he growled, his voice low and gravelly, sending shivers down your spine.

You let out a loud moan as your body convulsed, your muscles clenching around his fingers, your heart pounding in your chest as waves of pleasure washed over you.

Your body shook uncontrollably as the intense pleasure washed over you, your breaths shallow and ragged. You kept your eyes locked onto his, your heart pounding against your chest, your body still trembling with need.

"Good girl," he whispered, his voice filled with satisfaction. "You're learning your place."

“Now, do you think you can get on all fours for me?” Spencer whispered; his eyes filled with lust.

You nod quickly, your body still shaking with pleasure, eager to continue. He guides you onto all fours, your cheeks flushed and your heart racing with anticipation. Your breaths are shallow, your skin tingling with desire.

"Look at you," he growls, stroking your back gently. "You're so wet and ready for me."

He spanks your ass hard, making you yelp and jump. "Remember, you're mine," he says, his voice low and possessive.

He thrusts into you from behind, your moans mingling with his as he drives into you relentlessly. Your breaths come in short gasps, your heart pounding against your ribcage.

You groan in pleasure as he continues to pound into you from behind, your body responding to his every move. Your breasts bounce with each thrust, your nipples hard and sensitive to the slightest touch.

"That's it, baby," he growls, his voice thick with lust. "Take it all, take my cock."

His fingers dig into your hips, his thrusts becoming more frantic, more intense. You can feel his teeth sink into your shoulder, leaving a mark that will last for days.

"You're mine," he growls again, his voice hoarse with desire. "And I'm gonna make you remember that every time I fuck you."

You can't help but moan in agreement, your body arching back against him, eager to take everything he has to give. His thrusts become faster and harder, his breath hot against your ear.

"Please, Spencer," you whimper, your body aching for release. "I need you to cum inside me."

He chuckles darkly, his breath hot against your skin. "You're a quick learner, aren't you, darling?"

"Please," you beg, your body trembling with desire. "Fill me up, make me yours."

With one final thrust, he thrusts deep inside of you, filling you completely. You feel him twitching inside of you, his release mingling with yours. Your body trembles uncontrollably, your breaths ragged and shallow.

"There you go, baby," he growls, his voice thick with satisfaction. "You're mine, now and forever."

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hedgehog-moss · 9 months

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Various ways in which I have underestimated my chickens (callout post to myself):

cognitive abilities (memory): I dropped some pasta while making a salad earlier and Louise was nearby so I opened the door and invited her into the kitchen to come clean up. At first she just meandered round the room glaring suspiciously at furniture because she's unfamiliar with the inside of my house, then I helped her locate the pasta and she pounced, but before she could eat all of them Morille came zooming across the room with Pandolf zooming behind her, which freaked out the hen who noisily flew-ran out of the room. She stayed away long enough that when I called her inside again I expected her to have forgotten all about the pasta, and that I would have to show it to her again, but instead she went straight for it, resolutely, having clearly kept this important goal in a corner of her teeny tiny mind this whole time.

hunting abilities: before getting chickens I didn't realise they actually hunted? (sometimes.) I pictured their search for food as quiet foraging, busily scratching the dirt for worms, but a) hens are never quiet they're always chattering to each other so already that part was wrong; b) when they find a worthy prey they hunt it with the fierce determination of a mountain lion. I once saw Dru chasing a grasshopper across half the pasture, running at full chicken speed and sometimes boosting herself with her wings Mario kart-style while the grasshopper desperately hopped for its life, until eventually she pounced with her beak wide open and managed to catch it mid-jump. With an action movie soundtrack this scene would have been every bit as intense and gripping as a cheetah hunting a gazelle in a wildlife documentary.

social abilities (empathy): one time Cordélia had a little bit of grass stuck in her eye and she kept rubbing her head with her claw to try and dislodge it unsuccessfully, and then she seemingly asked Dru for help, placing her face very close to the other hen's face like "see that stupid twig?" and Dru removed it with her beak. Again that's not something I would have expected from a hen... they're very disloyal creatures, so it was fascinating to see. They would stab their grandma for a dusty rigatoni but leaving a friend with something stuck in her eye is apparently a level of antisocial even chickens won't cross.

social abilities pt.2 (romantic sensibility): sometimes when the night sky is clear and you can see the Milky Way, instead of tucking themselves in at sundown like they usually do, they'll fly to the roof of their coop and sit there for a little while to watch the stars together. Okay this one may be a tiny bit less scientific an observation than the others but I don't have an explanation for this behaviour; I've never noticed anything wrong with their coop on these particular nights, the door is open, they can go in—and the girls don't seem stressed at all, if anything they look like they're having a nice peaceful moment and I feel bad for bothering them.

#crawling along #they are not stargazing in this pic because they are now watching pandolf who is circling the coop. but they were just before!#also re: pt 3 it's very possible that rather than wanting to help #dru thought the blade of grass was a delicious food item she decided to steal #which would still make it a good example of chicken empathy but on cordy's part #she had to put herself in dru's shoes #what would i do if i were her? immediately steal the thing from my friend without remorse #therefore she will rid me of the annoying thing

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sakurayumekun · 30 days

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PRO-ANA GUIDE HANDBOOK

An anorexic mind

First of all, let's work on the psychology first. Be sure to fuck up your relationship with food from the start. You want to make yourself as neurotic as possible about food, eating, kitchens, cutlery, refrigerators, restaurants, and hey, why not stretch this out even further and start hating the actual source of foods, in other words the actual animals and plants. I myself am utterly opposed to factories. Any kind of factory. Even pillow factories, hell they're all the same. But you! Spread those bad thoughts! Hate that chicken!!! Unless of course, you're going for the sympathetic, oh the poor animals, vegan slant. That's a good one too. Firstly, reaffirm your mission. Immortalise it. Buy a fat, blank notebook, this will become your own personal anorexic sanctuary of sorts. Write down WHY you want to lose weight. Be sure to include things like how you will feel when you're 10lbs lighter, the glorious clothes you will fit into, an occasion that you would like to be thinner for like your sixteenth birthday, etc. Give yourself a final goal, and break it up into several, smaller, goalpoints. For example, if you weigh 140lbs and would like to eventually be 90lbs, list points along the way which signify a victory for you. For example, 130lbs, and then 115lbs, then 110lbs, then 100lbs, and so on. Re-read this again and again for inspiration. You will be using this notebook later to create tackytown anorexia-inspired collages and other paraphernalia.

Visualisation. Following the same strain as NLP, or Neuro Linguistic Programming, we must use the principles of association to retrain your consciousness, and sub-consciousness, to turn food into one of the greater evils of the world. (Read: the greatest evil!!) Start by associating food with disgusting things. For your first ever fast, it may be helpful to draw pictures of juicy red apples, somehow morphing into giant dead rotting pigs. Plaster these all around your house, preferably on the food itself. Never underestimate the power of images. Put pictures of fat girls on your fridge, or better yet, pictures of yourself; you're pretty fat. Conversely, stick pictures of rakish models everywhere you can see them, for inspiration, and a bit of productive self-loathing. Also, practise writing things like "I'm fat" over and over. You want to drill this into your brain. "I will be thin" is a good one, as well as other "I will" affirmations. These are positive statements and very conducive to big time weight loss. Now create a list of suitable punishments either for thinking of food, or for caving in and eating food itself. A good one to try is to keep a rubber band on your hand and flick your skin whenever you think of eating. Eventually you will have a swollen hand, and a shrunken body; you will have ceased thinking of food so much. Other punishments include ridiculous amounts of exercise, purging, self-mutilation, isolation, basic denial of necessary comforts such as blankets on a cold night, or shelter when it is raining... Or simply menial, disgusting tasks such as cleaning the bathroom. Remember, you need discipline. Invent pain and hassles for yourself. Trick yourself into believing your life sucks. Be mean to people so that they instigate fights, just to make you constantly on edge, or nervous, so you cant eat. After all, you'll be light-headed and dizzy, and irritable from not eating, so you have an excuse. I used to love when dad got mad at me because it meant I was so upset I could not eat. Become an angst ridden teenager. You'll be making yourself nauseous from worry and self hatred in no time. Find another anorexic to consort with. Whether this be in real life, or on the internet. You can swap tips and indulge in your little sordid anorexia world together, force each other to exercise, pat each other on the back when you reach goals, etc. You want to completely surround yourself with all thoughts of anorexia. Find pro-anorexia websites, or create your own. Sign up for one of the dozens of pro-anorexic mailing lists at Yahoo! and you'll be bombarded daily with like minded individuals. Now, immerse yourself further in anorexia propaganda, read anorexia or otherwise 'thin' inspired literature, listen to anorexic music, watch as many triggering films as you can get your delicate little mitts on, look up to very thin hollywood stars and supermodels. Also, visit as many of the aforementioned pro-anorexia sites as you can to get a bunch of quotes and mantras to write in your anorexia notebook, and repeat inside your head daily. I have compiled a list of such sources of thinspiration.

Thinspiration

Triggering music

This is essential. You must familiarise yourself with the very teenage and angstyartists and be sure to play the music over and over to thoroughly depress yourself. Ones to keep in mind are:

Fiona Apple - "Paper Bag" ... Hunger hurts but starving works...

Silverchair - "Ana's Song (Open Fire)" ... And I need you now somehow, and I need you now somehow ... On my knees for you... In my head the flesh seems thicker...

Juliana Hatfield - "Feed Me"... Oh baby if only you knew, I'm down to 102...

Tori Amos - "Jackie's Strength" ... You're only popular with anorexia, so I turn myself inside out, in hopes someone will see...

Anorexic mantras

You must collect as many of these as possible. Write them in your anorexia notebook, memorise them, let them comfort you. Some examples are:

"An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person."

"You will be tempted quite frequently, and you will have to choose whether you will enjoy yourself hugely in the 20 minutes or so that you will be consuming the excess calories, or whether you will dislike youself cordially for 2 or 3 days for your lack of willpower."

"I'm not starving myself...I'm perfecting my emptiness."

"I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I gasp with the breathlessness of being airborne. I can fly and be free. Jesus! I never realised how easy it was!"

"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."

"The greasy fry, it cannot lie, its truth is written on your thigh,"

Devour literature, not food

Words and text are very very triggering when it comes to not eating. For one thing, it gives you a world to inhabit, your very own private, magnificent anorexia world which nobody else around you can touch, and you shall have characters to understand you. You will be so riveted that you will not need to eat. Books to check out include:

The best little girl in the world by Steven Levenkron

Wasted by Marya Hornbacher

The fountainhead by Ayn Rand - not about anorexia per se, but Dominique

Francon is the fucking epitome of ethereal, insubstantial, bony grace.

I am an artichoke by Lucy Frank

Starving for attention by Cherry Boone O'Neill

Hunger scream by Ivy Ruckman

Diary of an eating disorder by Chelsea Smith and Beverly Runyon

My sister's Bones by Cathi Hanauer

Stick figure by Lori Gottlieb

Eve's apple by Jonathan Rosen

Thinspiring films and TV shows

These might be about anorexia itself, or it might simply be glamorous and include very thin beautiful people. Movies and television programmes I know others find thinspiring are:

Girl, Interrupted

For The Love Of Nancy

Ally McBeal

Role models

You need somebody to idolise. You must research him or her to the bones and become as close to her as possible. Become obsessed. Some suitable examples include those in the following list, who are either very skinny, or have, or have had anorexia:

Kate Moss - 90's waif

Angelina Jolie - skinny sexy actress, e.g. Girl, Interrupted and Gia

Christina Ricci - actress, had anorexia

Calista Flockhart - Ally McBeal

Lara Flynn Boyle - glamorous and snobby, never eats

Tracey Gold - actress who suffered from anorexia

Karen Carpenter - musician and classic anorexic

Portia de Rossi - actress on Ally McBeal who went through a stage of dangerous dieting

Geri Halliwell - formerly Ginger Spice, engaged in a 'thin war' with:

Victoria Beckham - formerly Posh Spice

Courtney Cox - actress on Friends, bony and gaunt

Twiggy - iconoclastic model

Mary Kate - had anorexia... perfection

Jodie Kidd - impossibly thin model

Nicole Richie - Thin thin thin

Audrey Hepburn - quintessential class, very petite

This should be enough to sufficiently fuck up and cloud your perceptions. Above all, convince yourself you are above others, a hero, owing to your spectacular powers of restraint. Feel elitist. Feel as though you are somehow super-human for resisting the urge to eat. Feel better than the other mere mortals who dig in to their cereal and their donuts. Believe in the power of starving as though it were a religion.

Extreme dieting

Now we can move on to the actual act of excessive dieting itself. First off we should establish clear limits. Make up rules you cannot deviate from. Only eat yellow foods on Monday, and brown foods on Tuesday. Or only eat every other day. Or only eat at night. Or only eat on days with the letter "u" in them. Or become a vegan. Or a fruitarian. Or follow your own version of a well known diet, such as the ever popular low carb diets, e.g., the Zone Diet, Atkin's Diet. Use your imagination. I knew a model who swore her secret was living on sushi, candy, oranges, cigarettes, and water. Another tip to try is to only allow yourself one food a day. You will get sick of the taste and therefore eat less due to boredom.

Now, compile a list of safe foods. Here is a fairly comprehensive list:

Low Cal Jelly (or Jello, for you Americans)

Celery - it is composed highly of water, it is crunchy, which is said to cause you to eat less, owing to the amount you have to chew it, it is considered acatabolic food

Carrots are also another safe vegetable (although most vegetables can be on your safe list, these are merely the safest of the safe)

Salsa and mustard - dieting staples. You can dip vegetables in them, they are fat free and low cal, and salsa brings cravings to an abrupt halt.

Spicy foodsare also thought to fire up your metabolism

Vinegar - thought to thoroughly reduce your appetite. It is suggested you drink a tablespoon or two before each meal.

Lemons dipped in a sugar substitute such as Splenda or Nutrasweet. (note: In some anorexia circles, even fruit is no good, besides oranges, which are a 50cal food)

Broth (only 5 calories per cube!!)

Egg white - much needed protein

Pickles

Lettuce - an absolute 'nothing' food

Cucumbers - very very low cal

Soup

Safe foods are merely foods that are safe to eat if you are craving foods outside your set meals. They are extremely low cal, or no cal. As for your actual daily intake of food, most wannabe anorexics tend to stick within the 500 - 1000 calorie range depending on how much exercise they do. Never be shy when it comes to considering taking certain drugs to reduce or diminish appetite. Some antidepressant medication such as Wellbutrin have this effect, as well as Topamax, which is originally an anti-convulsive but has been and can be prescribed for things such as ADD and bipolar disorder. Steal your little brother's ADD medication. Dexedrine is gold when it comes to killing appetite. Just ignore the paranoia and nervousness that comes with it. Think about diet pills and supplements such as Metabolife and Ephedra.

Day to day

Now we move on to the ever important area of ritual and habits, tips & tricks, to get down to a science.

Graze constantly throughout the day so that your metabolism never gets the chance to rest and become sluggish. Eating 100 calories five times a day is better than eating one meal consisting of 500 calories.

Fool your metabolism by constantly changing the number of calories you consume daily. This will prevent your body going into starvation mode, meaning that lesser amounts of calories will make you gain weight. For instance, eat 500 calories on Monday, 100 on Tuesday, 800 on Wednesday, no calories on Thursday, and 400 calories on Friday.

Get a full night's sleep, at least eight hours. Although staying up late does make you burn more calories, don't become sleep-deprived or your metabolism will become sleepy. Your appetite will even increase by 15%.

Record everything you eat in your anorexia notebook. This serves to motivate you, as well as to be aware of all the extra calories you may not be aware you are consuming. It may also let you identify emotional or environmental triggers, such as boredom or sadness.

Take vitamin pills frequently so your body doesn't crave nutrients, causing binges.

Diet coke and other diet sodas cause that bubbly, full feeling in your stomach, for about 1 calorie per glass.

Brush your teeth and tongue all the time. The feeling in your mouth will ease cravings and additionally, food will taste yukky with toothpaste, so whats the point of eating it?

Drink water like a fish. Drink a glass of water, or a diet soda, every hour on the hour. Drink water every time you have the urge to snack. Ice water is better because your body will burn more calories to heat it up. Drink water with meals to prevent overeating. Bear in mind that often we mistake thirst for hunger.

Caffeine will speed up your metabolism. Have two or three servings a day, in the form of black sugarless coffee, or caffeine pills, or guarana. If stacked with ephedra and aspirin, a synergistic effect will occur that imitates the effects of speed or other amphetamines. Do be aware that this practice can be rather dangerous.

Exercise. Not only will you burn off the calories you consume when you do eat, but it will increase your metabolism for some time afterwards. As well, the consequential muscle mass will increase the calories you burn at rest. It also suppresses appetite. Try running, or buy yourself a skipping rope.

Stand up and move about constantly. Compulsively fidget. It does add up to an estimated extra 500 calories burned a day. Twitch your leg while studying, for example. Also, sit up straight - you'll burn more calories.

Have a very busy and active schedule. It will burn more calories than sitting in your room thinking about not eating, and make sure you don't have enough time to binge.

Find a something other than food to satisfy your oral fixation. Choices include things like smoking, chewing gum, water, iced tea, sugarless mints, and diet coke.

Put a small coin in a jar every time you resist a craving, or exercise when majorly exhausted, etc. This will motivate you, build up confidence in your starving abilities, and keep track of your successes. As well as give you extra cash to splurge on some fantastical treat when you reach your first major weight loss goal.

The type of music you listen to while you eat affects how much and how quickly you consume. The faster the music, the more you eat. Try to listen to nice slow music when you eat.

Eat sweets and the foods you crave early on in the day. This will give you more time to burn them off and it will eliminate cravings later.

Eat while in the front of the mirror naked. You will be completely repulsed, and repelled from the food. This is a good thing.

Feel your hunger..don't try to suppress it. If you're hungry that means you're losing weight; you WANT to be hungry. If you're not then you're not doing it right. In time you will get a wonderful high off of being hungry and thoroughly enjoy the sensation. Hunger is not your enemy! The sooner this is understood, the sooner you will reach your goals.

Did you know that there are 2 pounds of dead skin on you right now!!?! Thats right! 2 POUNDS! ...if you're underweight or in starvation mode your body does not "shed" its skin the way it should. It holds on to it. Use an exfoliator for your face, and a loofah brush or scrub for your body. Make a stack of magazines that weighs the amount you want to lose. As you lose, take off the appropriate amount of magazines. Seeing the weight like that may help you realise what a difference it will make when it is all off. When you're feeling weak Here are some things which will help when your willpower is very feeble, to ward off the urge to eat, or worse, binge!

Pinch your thigh and see how you don't need food, because you should be eating your own flesh all away from the inside first, before you are deserving of actual legitimate sustenance.

Go to the library. You can research dieting or whatever, or you can read the classics, or some of the aforementioned listerature. Or you can do homework, or write letters, but the beauty of it is, since no food or drink is allowed, you'll have no choice but to abstain from a meal.

Buy some baby teething gel and rub it on your tongue, to numb your tastebuds.

If you're even considering eating, just hold your breath and count to 100. Chances are that you'll convince youself not to eat whatever it is you're craving in that time.

The scent of coffee has been proven to lessen ones appetite.

Chew the food but don't swallow it. Spit it in the bin.

If you're feeling dangerous, plan out the next few hours so that you're occupied for every single minute. Write a list of things to do for every 15 minutes. eg. exercise, surf the internet, email your friends, clean a room, read a book.

If you're feeling brave enough to face the kitchen, go there and throw out any potential binge foods. If you must, pour bleach/disinfectant/dishwashing detergent on the food, and then throw it away! (Anorexics are known for retrieving food from bins, or stealing food from strange places).

Pinch your ear! Apply pressure to the front of the ear, one at a time. The front of the ear is apparently a pressure point, in the area that controls hunger.

Let perfume replace chocolate. Every time you have a craving, or pass a bakery, sniff some Chanel no. 5. Apply it to a tissue and carry it with you.

Smell has a powerful effect on appetite.

Clean something. Cleaning something dirty can make you lose your appetite. The toilet, the litter box, under the kitchen sink, scrubbing out the garbage bin, anything grimy or smelly. The mess, along with the smell of the cleaner, can put you off food for a while.

Become a teenage artist. Write anorexic poetry, tragic little verses about bones and stomachs and evil evil capsicums. Anorexics are ever so creative.

Collect pictures of skinny girls. Stick them all in your notebook. Draw pictures of painful bony girls with tear stained faces and their head in their hands (their spines sticking out). This will take up most of your time.

Hiding it

Anorexia is supposed to be a private and tortured place, dontcha know. Deny it at all costs. Pretend you have not noticed the pounds dropping off you. Don't be suspicious. Here are some relevant tips:

Spend time making yourself look healthy.

Drink lots of water and apply a fake tan.

Wear makeup so that you have some colour, and keep your hair looking nice and shiny, take vitamins.

Smile.

Whenever you do decide to eat, do it in the company of others.

That way they can't say they never see you touch food.

On your way out, heat up a slice of pizza or prepare a snack to 'eat on the run'.

Of course, you will dispose of the food at your first convenience.

Leave a dirty plate lying around every so often for your parents to yell at you about.

Drink out of opaque cups, and spit your food into it whilst preteding to drink. They'll never know.

Eat really slowly because if everybody else is on their third slice of pizza, they'll assume you are too, even if you're still finishing your first.

Sign out of Hotmail and clear the history before you get off of the Internet. This will eliminate autofill being ever so helpful while your mum is researching aardvarks, and coming up with www.anorexicsanonymous.com for her. In short, don't leave traces lying around for others to find.

I trust that this guide to becoming a better anorexic will serve you well on your quest to being emaciated and ahem, gorgeous.

Remember, think thin, and try not to faint too often or die.

#an@rexi@

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edenmemes · 8 months

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baldur's gate 3 starters (part 1)

part 1 / ? .

❝ a less trusting person might think this all sounds very suspicious. ❞ ❝ you say all the right words, but i’m not sure you mean the right things. ❞ ❝ i know somewhere quiet. somewhere intimate. somewhere we can…indulge in each other. ❞ ❝ eugh, don’t be nice to me. it makes me want to be nice back. ❞ ❝ we needn’t be enemies. there’s plenty of those to go around already. ❞ ❝ there’s a steeliness to you, an unwavering tenacity in the face of, to be frank, quite dire odds. ❞ ❝ even the waves of fate can break upon the shores of will. ❞ ❝ i appreciate anyone that opens a conversation with threats of bodily harm. ❞ ❝ oh, you know me - ever the optimist. i’m trying to focus on the positives. ❞ ❝ i’m not easily impressed by people, but you’re stronger than i gave you credit for. ❞ ❝ there’s an air about you. something alien. ❞ ❝ loosen the grip on your pride for one blasted moment, won’t you? ❞ ❝ it’s been a long time since someone stuck their neck out for me like that. ❞ ❝ there’s something odd about this village. people skulk around like they’ve something to hide. ❞ ❝ you know, if you want to spend time with me, you only have to say so. ❞ ❝ i want to know what the world sees when it looks at me. what you see. ❞ ❝ what’s better than a devil you don’t know? a devil you do. ❞ ❝ you must know that you’re…that you’re very special to me. ❞ ❝ the gods are nothing if not vindictive in their vengeance. ❞ ❝ stay with me a while, will you? day will come all too soon. ❞ ❝ here’s my little treat with their cheeks all flushed. ❞ ❝ i am terrified. i will not claim otherwise. ❞ ❝ my apologies. i’m not quite myself yet. i had the strangest dream last night. ❞ ❝ we didn’t die today. tomorrow, perhaps. but not today. ❞ ❝ leader’s need to make tough decisions. we do what we must. ❞ ❝ i think that unknowable powers come with unknowable consequences. ❞ ❝ i’ve had a lifetime’s fill of watching little men puff themselves up with grand titles. ❞ ❝ in these times, all we can trust are the blades in our hands. ❞ ❝ it’s not easy to turn away from one you once loved. ❞ ❝ much has been promised to you, hasn’t it? but what has been taken from you? ❞ ❝ damn it all. i can do nothing right - not a damn thing. ❞ ❝ every instinct i have tells me that nothing’s changed. that i’m still just a means to an end. ❞ ❝ do not speak of a story you only know the half of. ❞ ❝ i dreamt every night that you’d come back to me. that somehow it was all a nightmare dawn would undo. ❞ ❝ when the time comes to strike, you must take it. for there may be only one chance. ❞ ❝ your eyes. there is pain, endless and deep. but also devotion - blazing like the sun. ❞ ❝ you’re adorable even when you’re teasing me. ❞ ❝ i don’t need your help, and i don’t need your pity. ❞ ❝ i’m more than what i was. and i’m not afraid of anything any more. ❞ ❝ i said exactly what i meant: i love you. you should never, never doubt that. ❞ ❝ this is all like some sort of terrible dream. but it’s real, isn’t it? ❞ ❝ there is no redemption. can’t you see? it is too late. ❞ ❝ i don’t know that it was brave. i just know that it was right. ❞ ❝ you took those bastards down like it was nothing. it…was amazing. ❞ ❝ they underestimated me. so they paid the price. ❞ ❝ we fight, we die, and we just hope that when our time comes, there is someone else to take our place. ❞ ❝ unfortunately for me, you’re my friend. rescuing you from mortal peril is my right. ❞ ❝ what did you think i was going to say? 'oh, come here, i'll kiss you better'? ❞ ❝ flowers are so overrated. they're bright, gaudy, and almost never make good poisons. ❞ ❝ i’ve been lied to, my whole life. and i was gullible enough to just believe it. ❞ ❝ you know, i never pictured myself as a hero. never thought i'd be the one they toast for saving so many lives. and now that i'm here…i hate it. ❞ ❝ you know, i feel a connection between us. like we're two souls walking the same path. ❞ ❝ the forgiving sort, are you? you should be careful. plenty would take advantage of that. ❞

❝ it’s as if god made you just to ruin me. ❞ ❝ perish the thought. every word i said was nothing less than true. ❞ ❝ you have a manner of irresistible desperation about you. i like it. ❞ ❝ i got my eye on you. you got the look of a troublemaker. ❞ ❝ i’m starting to think you’re my guardian angel. ❞ ❝ it seems you know me better than i know myself. ❞ ❝ you…you have no idea what you’ve done. ❞ ❝ they say madness and genius are separated by but a hair’s breadth. perhaps the same is true of madness and stupidity. ❞ ❝ oh, it’s you. don’t you get tired of telling people how to live their lives? ❞ ❝ good morning! thank you for not killing me the other night. ❞ ❝ when the time comes to strike, you must take it. for there may be only one chance. ❞ ❝ it is good to savour the moment of victory - but pace bg3 syourself. our fight is just beginning. ❞ ❝ i was too hasty to judge you. i thought you were witless, gutless, unimpressivably bland… ❞ ❝ yours is the first happy face i’ve seen in a good while. ❞ ❝ when hope has been whittled down to the very marrow of despair – that’s when you’ll come knocking on my door. ❞ ❝ thank you, my friend. maybe we’ll meet again, in another life. ❞ ❝ you’ll regret sticking your nose in my business. ❞

#roleplay meme #rp meme #rp starters #roleplay starters

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yourstardarling · 3 months

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Astrology Observations: Air Sign🌬️

Air signs may seem air headed and dumb on purpose, but they allow other people to underestimate their intelligence until they want to show you how smart they really are.

Aquarius placements,especially Mercury, may suffer a lot from information overload. The sign loves learning and picking up new things to process, but when they start researching without a purpose they can consume too much and end up overstimulated.

If you have prominent Gemini placements, you could’ve been the one sent out to do errands in the family. Since Mercury the ruling planet is the messenger of the gods, people may have treated you as someone that was there to help with completing minor tasks.

Libra placements and their love for reading is heavily underestimated. These are the people I think of when they say book smarts. My libra friends consumes books for a living.

Gemini placements can get anxious when there is a lack of communication so they overcompensate by always finding something to talk about. As a Gemini rising myself, I would often be the one to raise my hand in class to answer questions when no one else would want to speak because the silence was deafening.

Libra placements can find a lot of conflict in maintaining relationships and love, because of the Aries opposite influence. The mars nature of Aries will create hurdles and battles to be faced, which pushes Libras to figure out how to bring back harmony.

Aquarius is just as detached and head in the clouds like Pisces. However, whereas Pisces does it to escape to a fantasy, Aquarius is always thinking about what is the future and the next thing to do.

Mars in Gemini will always have something slick to say. They are not the ones you would want to get in a verbal argument with.

Mercury in Libra has a mind that’s always focused on aesthetics. Even if they aren’t aware of it, they think of things that are pleasing to the eye. Their voice is often soothing to hear.

Moon in Aquarius have a hard time processing their emotions. They overanalyze their emotions oftentimes like a computer. This can make them seem detached and not show much emotion outside, while internally they feel things somewhat chaotically.

Air signs are often considered the funny group of the zodiac. Gemini and Libras can easily make most people laugh. Aquarius on the other hand, can often get mixed reactions for what they find funny. The thing is they don’t care because for Aquarius it’s about making themselves laugh.

Libras and their dilemma of being nice, only for the other person to think they are flirting with them.

Geminis can seem like they talk to everybody, but these connections are often surface level. They are just really good at making small talk, but they only trust a few people to have deeper conversations.

#astrology observations #astro community #Libra #aquarius #Gemini #astrology tumblr #air signs

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kingdoms-edge · 1 month

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Today being the last day of 3ds online has me feeling very nostalgic and wistful. I love the switch but it does not have the magic of the 3ds. It's not just about dual screens, it was the accessibility. It was less expensive, more portable, had more cheap games you could play with your friends, and a lot of people underestimate just how fantastic some 3ds games are. Streetpass alone was a phenomenon, and along with 3ds menu themes, illustrates a sort of magic that I feel nintendo has been losing sight of since the switch.

With the way games are going in the modern day (higher price tags and system reqs, tons of focus on AAA titles, people needing graphics to be absurdly good for no practical reason), I find myself latching onto my older games more and more. Sure, some of it is a nostalgia-tinted lens, memories from a happier and simpler time of life. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing.

Even after the online services go down, I'll always be playing my 3ds until the hardware breaks to unusability and I can't find another one. I'll play locally with my friends whenever we can. I lament how things must change, but I go on anyway. Here's to my favorite console ever made, may it never really die.

#i don't even remember my tag for my posts #no real need to tag it I guess. just thinking out loud a little #3ds #i am so glad this was the console i grew up using. so glad that that was the era of games I lived in.#i genuinely think that ds and 3ds games will never be replaced in my heart as the best games ever made

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voiidlizrd · 6 months

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“Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago."

- Hozier, From Eden

───────────────

Summary: The love the Brothers have for you follows them from present to past and to future

WARNING: SLIGHT SPOILERS FOR NIGHTBRIGHTER

──

Note: MC is gender neutral (they/them pronouns), some angst but relatively fluffy, slight gore (it’s the Devildom), slight POLY MC, demon being a creep to Asmo, small spoilers to Chapter 16 in Obey Me: Shall We Date

A/N: For Satan’s part, I used his frustration and anger in a way of how I’d describe my anger/frustration because it can be hard to express how I feel and it’s like a big bundle of “what the fuck”

Oh, I also based Levi’s excitement to how I’d get really excited cause when I excited I get somewhat violent like “OH MY GOD IM GOING TO EAT THE DRYWALL” excited

───────────────

Lucifer did not trust or like you when the two of you first met. You were a demon, he thought at first, and disliked you immediately. Sure, he may be a fallen Angel now, a previous Archangel, but he refuses to compare himself to a demon, to be seen beside a demon aside from Diavolo.

He is more embarrassed of the fact he’d have to rely on you to help him through the Devildom, but maybe he hopes you’ll back down because of the fact, as a demon, caring for the traitors of the Celestial realm would ruin your reputation, or cause you to get in the line of fire with other demons.

But… You didn’t.

You got disgusted looks, glares, and were even spat at because of the fact you associated with them, with him, but you didn’t seem to care one way or the other, just keeping your head high and keeping by his side, not even caring if he did his own glaring and snide comments towards you.

You always came back to him no matter what he said to you.

When learning that you were human, he got a little softer towards you. Perhaps underestimating you sue to your mortality and how fragile you are, always monitoring you as if you weren’t already skilled around the Devildom, as if you didn’t have the power to destroy him with a flick of your wrist, as if you weren’t his own attendant.

Despite him growing protective over you, you always protected him in the end, even if he insisted he didn’t need such from a ‘human’ such as yourself.

“A fallen angel…” a demon had whispered while you two were walking down the street together, you showing him the best record stores in town. “How disgusting. I can smell the Celestial realm on it.”

Lucifer didn’t care, of course. What would engaging with a lowly demon do? But you, your Wrath was clearly showing when you side eyed the demon with a sneer. They seemed to notice you.

“And a demon? I feel bad for them…” Another whispered.

“I’d rather kill myself than be seen near that forsaken angel!” The demon cackled to their partner.

It set you off, even if Lucifer tried to grab your wrist to stop you. You approached the demons, and Lucifer felt his heart lurch. If you got hurt, they would smell the blood on you. How human it was. How soft you were. How pathetically fragile you are. It would ruin Diavolo. It would ruin everything Lucifer was trying to build.

He was about to shout when you grabbed the demon by the horns and tossed them to the ground, an aura about you radiating that made him shiver. You whispered something to the demon in their ear and suddenly their arm was twisted abnormally, as if the bones had shattered themselves at your voice, the skin stretching to accommodate the poking bones.

The demon could only scream, but silenced itself when you covered their mouth. “If I ever,” you said lowly to them. “Hear you utter those words, or any word for that matter, towards Lucifer and his brothers, I will make sure you lose more than just an arm.”

A single glance to the other demon cowering away from you only nodded, understanding the threat went both ways.

You suddenly flipped a switch and walked over to Lucifer with a smile, as if you hadn’t caused a demon to almost piss themselves because of you.

“Let’s get something to eat,” you said with a groan, holding your stomach. “I’m starving!”

He could only follow you silently to Hells Kitchen, unable to speak for a while after those events. He understood finally that you could be trusted to handle yourself, and, to handle his brothers (and himself).

It allowed him to lower his guard around you, to stop seeing you as a soft little human and more of an embodiment of pure, raw power that ended up in a human as kind, as empathetic, as funny and creative and beautiful and handsome as…

As you.

He would never admit his infatuation of you, finding it silly that he would fall for you so quickly. Perhaps it was a moment of weakness because of his Fall. Perhaps he was desperate for interaction with something other than loathsome demons aside from Diavolo. Perhaps it was the fact you were human and the very existence of humans brought him back to Lilith always.

How she gave herself up for them, for one.

It made him sick. It made him hate himself. It made him want to hate you, deep down.

How can he love the very thing that ruined his life? That ruined his brothers’ life? That caused his Father to have to try and punish Lilith for this.

He hated the way his heart throbbed in his chest when you were around. Those eyes gazing into his with a smile so kind, ignoring the harsh words that would escape his lips cursing your existence as a human being, yet you continue to smile at him.

He hates this feeling. He wishes it to go away. He wishes to stop seeing you in his dreams every night, imagining your hands running through his hair, kissing his skin, whispering sweet nothings in his ear. He wishes he didn’t want to spend more time with you. He wishes much, much more.

A toxic, bitter disgust settles on his tongue, like eating a sour lemon, leaving nothing but an ache in his heart and a bundle of confusion, anger, and sadness tangled up inside his chest.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

Lucifer sits in his room, idly doing paperwork that seemed to never lessen in their stacks, to him, it only seems to grow more and more. He sighs quietly and drops his quill, settling his face in his hands, listening to the idle crackle of the fire in the background. His shoulders were stiff and so was his back. Lucifer considered for just a moment of taking a break, but there was an itch in the back of his mind urging him forward, that it had to be finished today. If he didn’t finish, it will ruin his reputation with Diavolo.

Just before he picked up his pen, there was a knock on his office door. He furrowed his brows, thinking it was on of his brothers coming to complain about one another again, or to complain about Mammon taking something from them again, he sighed;

“Come in.”

To his surprised (and to his dismay), you entered with a cup of coffee in hand along with a small box balancing on your forearm that held the cup as you opened the door, shutting it behind you with your foot as you grabbed the box in your now free hand. You smiled at him, ignoring his little glare, which would’ve been terrifying if you hadn’t seen it all before.

“This was an unexpected visit, MC.” He said, looking down at his paperwork. “Did one of my brothers tell you to come here?”

“Nope!” You said, setting down the box in front of him, on top of his papers, and the cup of coffee on the side away from the papers, because you didn’t want to annoy him, or spill the coffee. You’d… never see the next day, if you did.

“I came here to see you, Lucifer”.

The ache returned and so did the taste of something sour and bitter, he clenched his hand underneath his desk subconsciously, looking away from you and down at his paperwork, trying to give you the hint to leave him alone.

But you never left, as you never do.

“Aheeemm.” You cleared your throat annoyingly loud, making him sigh.

“Yes?”

“Try the coffee I made you!”

“…I prefer to make my own coffee, thank you.” He muttered, pretending to read off of his paper.

“Luciferrrr…” You whined, sitting down in the chair across his desk, sighing loudly. “If you at least look in the box I got you and drink just a little sip of that coffee, I swear to you, I’ll bribe your brothers to leave you alone for the rest of the day. At least until I make dinner.”

He glances up at you and sighs quietly, dropping his pen again. “Fine.” He said, grabbing the box first, “you better hold up to your word.”

You nodded happily and lean forward in your chair to get a closeup of his face. Upon opening the box, he sees Devil macaroons from Madam Scream’s, Princess’ Poison Apple flavored. He’s narrowing his eyes at the name, never hearing of that before, given that you are the one introducing most of Devildom’s cuisines to him, when he ever has time.

“I always think of the Poison Apple like green apples,” you said with a hum. “I mean they’ve never gotten me sick, but they do have a bitterness about them with a hint of sweetness, kinda like how dark chocolate does.”

He barely understands half of what you’re talking about but he shuts the box and sets it to the side, aiming for the coffee. He was feeling a little exhausted, thinking about drinking some of his own brew in a few hours or so.

You look more excited as he brings the cup to his lips.

The taste of incredibly bitter coffee hit his tongue immediately, the warm black brew made his heart quicken, and tongue tingle. But the taste, the horrible bitter taste, it made his nose scrunch up.

Yet it was so warm, comforting, and familiar.

“You couldn’t have at least put sugar in this.” He glares at you as you snicker lightly as his expression.

“Sorry, sorry. But I did.” You said, standing up. “It’s a special bean brew I got from the shop today. The reason it’s so bitter is because it brings out the admiration the maker has for the drinker. That being you!”

His hands, through his gloves, are warmed by the mug of coffee, the crackling of fire filling in the silence that settled between you two. He couldn’t bare to look away from you as the tips of his ears grew warm while staring back into those eyes.

So soft.

So loving.

So perfect.

Lifetimes could go by and he could never be bored. Thousands upon thousands of years and never once forget. Devildom was suppose to be a punishment, a way to bare his sins, but how can this be a punishment when you were here in front of him? A human being that surely was a silent gift from his Father to him and his brothers. You must have been. To be molded so perfectly, to have your soul reflect his very being.

You reach your hand out to him, tilting your head to the side, as if examining him, and settle your hand upon his cheek, rubbing your thumb across it tenderly. He almost melts into your touch, craving it, missing it.

Then the comfortable silence is broken by the sound of yelling coming from downstairs, a mixture of Mammon and Levi arguing along with Satan’s screaming at them. You sigh and pull back, a fond smile on your face.

“Well, a deal is a deal,” you said standing up. “I’ll go take care of that and call you down for dinner, okay? And you can’t say no because I’ll drag you down.”

You leave the room, quickly, in order to stop the brothers from possibly breaking anything. Lucifer, before you opened the door and shut it behind you, almost reaches out to grasp you, to hold you close, to never let you leave.

Then the commotion downstairs dies down as quickly as it started.

You were a human of your word.

He looks to the mug and brings it back to his lips, savoring the bitterly sweet flavor that spreads in his mouth and throat as he drinks it down, never stopping as the warmth continues to burn at his heart and melt him. He wants to savor it, but the greed inside of him wants more and more to drink, to taste more of the feelings you brewed inside the coffee, to feel more of your love.

Lucifer set down the empty cup, his throat tightening as a wave washes over him, a singular tear running down his cheek. He wipes it away gently as he breathes out, shakily, confused.

He wants to drown in this lovely bitter feeling for all of eternity.

───────────────

Mammon believes he doesn’t need you. You may be their attendant to lead them around the Devildom, to get them settled, but he doesn’t need you. After all he’s The Great Mammon! He can do everything himself, if need be. It’s what he’s always done. Looking after his little brothers, looking after his older brother. It’s something he’s always done, even if the other brothers seem to hate him for it, or to berate him for whatever reason. They’re his brothers after all, he knows that they love him, even if they’re a little mean to him. He loves them dearly, even if he can never express it, or put it into actions properly.

But you always see through it somehow. Always giving him a playful smile when he unintentionally compliments his brothers. Never taking his little snide comments to you to heart, only lightly rolling your eyes at him, like you’ve heard it all before.

He doesn’t need you.

He didn’t need you to walk with him through RAD, keeping him from running off away from his classes, holding his arm and ignoring his complaining.

“Lemme go!” He struggled, though, not putting much weight into his struggling or fight. He could toss you off if he desperately wanted to.

“UGGHH I don’t wanna go to my classes! If I do, I’m gonna die. I’m actually gonna die, they’re so boring! Ya’ know that too! You were halfway of fallin’ asleep last period!”

“Yeah but I still managed to write all the notes in the class down, unlike you.”

“Nuh uh! I got m’ notes!”

Liar.

He doesn’t need you to help him. To scold him. He’s already got Lucifer to do all of that. He doesn’t need you he doesn’t.

“Hey!” The sudden snap of your voice caused him to jump as he heard the snickers of a demon running away.

That’s when he saw his wallet being waved around in the demons hand, as if mocking Mammon because of the fact he was robbed blind, barely even registering it.

Mammon didn’t need you, he couldn’t easily just chased after the demon and caught up to them no problem. After all, he was the most fast of his brothers. Fastest swimmer, flyer, runner. He would’ve caught up with the demon if you hadn’t chased after them, sprinting after them and catching up only a few feet away, tackling them to the ground and slamming their head to the ground.

“Get offa me!” The demon yelled, trying to stretch themselves from you getting the wallet. “That traitor angel has Diavolo wrapped around his finger! It’s not like he’ll miss petty pocket change!”

This only angered you further. Mammon could only watch with wide eyes as you, a human, began to plummet the demons face in. Hitting them, scratching them, anything you could do to their face to make then scream and wail and try and fight you off. They tried to shove you, but you grabbed their horns and slammed their head down into the marble, rendering them completely dazed. You snatched the wallet from their loosened grip, standing up with a disgusted grimace, and spit down onto them.

“Next time I see your disgusting face around here again, I’ll curse you to live in eternal agony.” You gritted your teeth, giving a kick to the demons side, and walking off back to Mammon.

He didn’t need you. He could’ve done it himself. He doesn’t need a human to defend him, to fight for him, he doesn’t need-

“Here you go Mams.” You smiled, wiping your bloodied knuckles on your uniform pants. His wallet in one piece. “Make sure to keep your wallet in the side pocket. That way you don’t get your wallet swiped. Trust me, I’ve learned from experience.”

You were snickering as if nothing big just happened, grabbing his arm and dragging him off to the next class as he was in a daze, looking down at the wallet. There was a small bit of blood on the leather.

He…

Mammon’s heart began to race as he wiped the blood off the leather with his thumb, swallowing hard. A warmth crawling up his neck and spreading across his cheeks.

He… wants you to need him too…

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

Mammon hated today. He hated everything today. Leviathan blamed him for stealing some stupid figure from his room and complained to Lucifer. Lucifer decided it would be a great idea to string him up on the chandelier again for making Leviathan bother him while he was working and for stealing. Not listening to his protests. He was struggling against the binds as Asmodeus sighed pitifully at Mammon.

“Seriously, Mammon, you need to learn from your mistakes. This is, like, what, the fifth time this week.” Asmodeus looked down at his nails and picked at one of them.

“I told ya! It ain’t my fault! I didn’t steal shit from Levi!”

“Yes you did! Just admit it!” Levi cried. “It was a rare collectible! My prized jewel! I know you stole it, scummy Mammon! Give it back!”

“I didn’t. Steal. Yer’. Stupid. Toy!”

“It isn’t a toy! Monster!”

“Hey!” Your voice was like a saving grace to Mammon when he heard you coming through the door, a hand on your hip. “The hells going on?”

“Mammon stole my ultra Ruri-Chan figurine! I know he did! He was the only one in my room today!”

“Did you?” You asked, looking at Mammon with a raised brow.

“No!” He yelled, tears almost coming into his eyes in frustration, only seeing Lucifer just stand idly by silently. “I didn’t steal shit! Sure I’ll steal somethin’ else from the house but I ain’t touching shit from Levi’s stuff! It’s all junk anyways!”

“You take that back!-“

“Enough.” Your voice silenced their bickering. You stepped forward and looked to Lucifer. “Let him down.”

The other brothers watched in awe at your tone, demanding Lucifer to do what you wanted. Lucifer raised a brow at you, testing you, expecting you to immediately back down. But your little staring contest ended in Lucifer sighing and snapping the rope and letting Mammon fall to the ground. He groaned but looked up at you with admiration, and a gratitude as his eyes continued to water. The frame of your figure was like a sunrise in the Devildom, purely beautiful to him, better than gold. His heart thrummed in his chest violently.

“Hey!” Levi whined. “He didn’t give my figurine back! He didn’t even apologize!”

“Levi,” you look at him and Levi wilted back. “You should clean your room once in a while. I found the figurine box buried under your clothes. It fell from the shelf because of the other figurines on it.”

Levi’s face burst into red, embarrassed. He began fiddling with his fingers, finding his nails more interesting. He avoided Mammon’s gaze the most, more than yours, as you untied Mammon easily.

“Levi.”

You give him a little look, a raised brow. Like you were a disappointed parent. Lately you’ve tried to get the brothers to apologize more to Mammon whenever he is accused of things that he hasn’t done. Especially Levi and Mammon. You hoped to bring them closer, or at least stop them from constantly yelling at one another. Also to communicate, even a little bit better with one another.

“I-I know…” Leviathan muttered under his breath, looking at Mammon finally as he stood up. Levi breathed in and sighed.

“I’m sorry… I-I just-“ Levi’s face grew more redder than before, it almost rivaled any Devildom equivalent tomato. “I’m sorry Mammon. You know I get very protective over my stuff… Especially those figurines… I’m-I’m really sorry!”

Mammon couldn’t even feel the anger he felt before, staring at Levi, but his focus was mainly on you, what you did for him. He looked at Levi, than to you. You were more preoccupied looking over his skin and rubbing a loving touch over the slight rope burn on his skin.

“Uhm… Yeah.” Mammon looked down at floor with his face a little red from your soft touches. “It’s fine. Just quit blammin’ me for the fact you’re so messy, Levi. That rooms a pigsty, somethin’ is bound to get lost.”

“Hey! I-“ Levi looked at you and saw a look in your eyes, he immediately shut his mouth and nodded, running off back to his room and shutting the door.

Mammon was silently led by you to his room, much to the complaints of his other brothers, but he couldn’t have felt more proud as they complained, your attention solely on him. You sat down on his bed, looking at him as he stood there. He tried to ignore the drumming of his heart racing, the swelling, the tightness in his throat.

“Y’- y’gonna scold me now?”

“Do you think I am?”

“…no…”

“Then you know my answer.”

Mammon couldn’t hear anything else other than his ramming heart. He couldn’t focus. The pain and frustration of earlier mattered little to what he felt right now. You motioned him closer. He slowly approached and you grabbed his hand gently, sitting him down beside you and tapping your thigh. He settled his head on your lap, awkwardly.

He swallowed as you ran your fingers through his hair.

“You okay?” You asked quietly.

He couldn’t be more okay than right now. He nodded as he buried his face with a turn of his head into your stomach, smothering himself in the smell of your shirt and your skin. There was the scent of detergent along with the sweet scent of you. It was a warmth of you that made him want to cry. You always focused on him, like he was more important and than anything else. More important than money, than gold, higher than any deity. Like he was your everything, and the way you ran his fingers through his hair, he was brought back to a weird nostalgia. As if this has happened many times before. Your voice. Your touch. Your smell. It all felt…right.

He never wanted to leave this. Not at all.

“Yknow,” you spoke up, twirling a strand of his white hair. “Even though you can be a pain in my ass for getting in trouble so much…”

He grunted into your shirt, as if warning you about your words, which was a fruitless threat.

“You’re the best first man I could ever ask for.”

His breath caught his throat and tears welled up in his eyes, now soaking into the fabric of your shirt. His lower lip trembled and he tried to smother himself further into you, wrapping his arms around you tightly, sniffling. That “first man” again… It made his heart soar, it made him want to hold you even tighter, to protect you like you protect him, it made him want to do everything for you, to bring you the joys that the world would have to offer, no matter the cost of Grimm.

“I love you…” He mutters. He wants to say it more. He wants to whisper it eternally, he wants you to feel what he feels, to suffer what he feels and how beautifully his chest aches for you, how there are words he wants to scream out to you.

“I love you… I love you…” He continues. Sniffling. He hates crying but he can’t help it.

He is your first man, as you’ve said. It’s his job to protect you, to provide for you, to give you the entire world, if you asked him to. And he’s more than willing to do it.

───────────────

It was your mission to change Levi, even a little bit. By change, you wanted to bring confidence to him, a confidence he never had in the Devildom or the Celestial Realm. Even a little bit of it would go a long way. You’ve made a little progress, which goes a long way in your book, but there are set backs to your hard work.

Like the demons at RAD especially.

It irritated you to no end about how they make fun of Levi, it pissed you off. But Levi didn’t understand your anger. He would sulk constantly because he knew what they were saying, but it wasn’t like you were apart of their comments about him. Levi just didn’t get you.

Especially when you do the things he doesn’t expect people do to for him. You fuel his spirits as an otaku. You buy him mangas you knew he’d love, watch anime with him constantly when you were over at the HOL, playing games with him or watching him play. It brought him a peace he didn’t know he could achieve, it made his heart race, his hands sweat, and face heat up. It was everything he ever wanted and more. Perfect, even. And it was hard to say “perfect” in the House of Lamentation, especially around his brothers.

You two were sitting in the partially empty classroom with other demons taking their seats, waiting for class to start. He was rambling about the new game he hoped to get so you can play together.

“I heard that it’s an open world and there’s so many options you can do as of gameplay that can also build your character and their personality that will affect the choices that will pop up in the game! Oh and-“

“Oh my gosh does this guy ever shut up?” You heard a demon behind you whisper. Well, not exactly whisper. They made it to where Levi could hear what they said.

Levi immediately shut his mouth tightly, looking down at the table, picking his painted nails quietly as his cheeks turned red from embarrassment. This made you grit your teeth, turning around to the demon who continued to idly chat to their table partner.

“Hey, what the hell is your problem?”

“No… MC you don’t have to-“

“My problem? What’s his problem? He’s been going a mile a minute without a single breath and it’s annoying. Plus he was talking too loud and basically made it hard for me to even have a conversation.” The demon sneered at you, leaning their cheek against their hand. “I basically did you a favor by saying what we’re all thinking.”

You opened your mouth to say something else, to argue for Levi, but he grabbed your hand gently. “It’s fine… I mean I was being weird and-“

“You know what.” You interrupted, looking at the demon. “We’re sorry for interrupting your conversation.”

You turned away from the demon’s table, leaving Levi to sit there and stare at you, doubt immediately filling his mind. Did you mean that? Did you agree with the demon? But you were staring at him so sweetly as he explained his game… Was he just seeing it- was-

Then he heard the sound of muffled yelling and the words of the demon desk mate of the other rude demon who interrupted you and Levi’s conversation. Levi turned back to see the demon clawing at their face, mainly their mouth, which appeared to be sealed shut, as if their lips were glued together. Levi turned to you when he saw your slightly sadistic smirk as the two demon deskmates hurried out of the room.

Levi looked at you, then back at the door the demon scurried out of, then back at you. You were smiling, those eyes explained everything he needed to know about what happened.

“We can’t interrupt their conversation if they can’t have one, can we?”

Levi stared at you like a fish out of water, wide eyes and red cheeks as his heart raced, confused thoughts racing through his mind. Why? Why do this for someone like him?

“Levi? Aren’t you gonna tell me more about the game? You have to! We’re gonna play it together, right? I gotta know all about it first so we can enjoy it!” Grinning playfully at him, all thoughts were thrown out of the window as he relaxed.

That’s right, he never wanted anything more than to talk to you.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

“MC! MC YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS!” He was practically shaking you before you even stepped foot in his door. Somehow he detected that you were walking down the hallway to his room and he opened the door before you knocked and said the passcode.

“Uh, what can’t I believe?” You gently put your hands on his shoulders to stop him from rattling your brain too much.

“COME IN! LOOK!” He dragged you inside and shut the door, locking it so no normies (his brothers) entered the room.

He pointed to his partially filled up bookshelf filled with hardcovers and manga volumes. There, on a lone shelf with a single hard book, was the infamous TSL book you saw when you first arrived to the Devildom and spoke to Levi.

“There’s finally a hardcover book on Tales of Seven Lords! Can you believe it!? I was the first one to revive the book! The hardcover no less! Look at it!” He grabbed it off the shelf and shoved it in your hands to look at the skillfully crafted art covered front.

“IM SO SO HAPPY! I could die! I could literally die right now!” He squealed and bounced up and down and barely even breathing from his excitement, on the verge of gritting his teeth as he clenched and unclenched his fists to conceal the urge to just explode! “OH! MC, so you know the third lord right!? The lord-“

“The Lord of Shadows.” You smiled at him fondly, as if reminiscing on a memory that was most treasured to you, the day you two first met, gazing at him with just as much devotion as it was in your words.

He stopped slowly, staring at you with wide eyes and he blinked. You knew about TSL? Well, it’s no wonder you knew about it, it’s pretty famous and he did ramble to you about it more than once, and during those rambles you’d always… Stare at him. With those eyes so soft and urging him to continue, never stopping him once. Even when he went on for hours and hours you never stopped him unless you wanted to get a snack or drink or use the bathroom, even then you always came back and would sit down right next to him and just… Listen. Usually incorporating your own thoughts into the conversation, but mainly letting him speak. And in those rambles, you remembered everything. The memories itself made him blush and heart pound, his hands sweating and his legs feel like jello.

Even now, the way you looked at him, it made him feel even worse, as if his legs would give out any moment and he would collapse into your arms and still you would look at him with that expression. So warm and loving, something he never thought in his loser life he’d see. He’s only seen it in anime, never IRL.

“Levi?” The sound of his name snapped him out of his stupor.

“Uh- Huh? What?”

“You were telling me about the Lord of Shadows, yeah? What did you wanna say?”

“I uh…” he can’t speak, his mouth feels dry as tears well up in his eyes, the overwhelming warmth crawling in his chest and prickling his skin. He wants to crush you in a hug, or he just wants to kiss you- okay no too far! He… He doesn’t know what to do with himself. All he can do is breathe shallowly as he stares at you, the tears running down his face.

“Levi?” You furrow your brows in concern, putting the book gently back in its place on the shelf, and stepping forward to him, a hand pressed against his cheek. “You alright?”

Oh the warmth of your skin sends tingles up his spine. He relaxes into the softness of your palm, more tears running down his face. It felt so right, so perfect, like time never passed and it was just you and him in this moment. He never thought he’d experience this normie encounter, this ‘love’, that he always watched or read about in cheesy anime romances, but the way you rubbed his tears away only made it more solid for him, more real.

“Are you okay?” You ask again, more quietly, softly, as if he would lurch away from you like a frightened fish.

“Yes…” He breathed out, sniffling. He shuts his eyes tightly, not being able to look you in the eye, and brings you into his arms, needing to feel more of your warmth, of your pure love. “I just… really, really, really like you. Like… uhm… like like you.”

You chuckle quietly as his embarrassment, running your fingers through his hair. “I like like you too, Lev.”

His blush only worsened as he buried his face in your neck, breathing in the scent of your skin, holding you even tighter.

You always listened to him. You have him all the confidence he could ever want in the world, even if it wasn’t much. He’d promise that one day, he was gonna have enough confidence to let the words “love you” slip from his lips and not in his texts…

───────────────

Satan is angry. He was born angry. Angry over what? He never understood why he was angry, he just was. The urge to just destroy, to tear everything he touched, saw, smelled and tasted apart. To rip into everything and make sure nothing would be recognized from it, whether that be a person or an object.

He never understands why he’s like this.

He doesn’t wanna be like this. He doesn’t wanna constantly feel the rage bubbling inside his chest and cause him to clench his fists tight, to make him grit his teeth, to make the unshed tears of frustration well in his eyes and almost fall. He doesn’t want to feel them. He wants to understand why he feels this way constantly, why it gets to the point he wants to rip off his own skin, to claw his way out of his flesh and rip his hair out, to rip anyone apart, even his proclaimed brothers.

Satan was angry at them the most.

Anything they did made him angry and he hated being angry and he hated it when they did it constantly. The yelling, the pointless bickering, the scheming, Lucifer, Lucifer, Lucifer. He blamed Lucifer for all of this, for making him the way he is. He’s angry over something that’s now passed and what is his purpose now? What is he supposed to be angry about now? He doesn’t even know why he’s supposed to be angry in the first place, tell him Lucifer, tell him what the point is in being angry over something he doesn’t understand. Was this his punishment for a war he didn’t even realize he was apart of?

He doesn’t understand and that makes him even more angry. He hates being angry. He hates his brothers. He hates everything and it’s a pain because he doesn’t want to. He can only hope that this anger tires him out so he can sleep, the only time ever him and his brothers ever find peace.

But there is no peace or rest for Wrath.

It surges through him as Satan tosses the coffee table to the wall, shattering the glass and causing the wall to crack, leaving an indent in it. He yells at nothing, the animalistic snarls and growls echoing through the living room as he continues to break everything in his sight and throw everything. His brothers can only watch as he destroys the living room.

“Satan!” He hears Asmo yell. “Stop it! You’re gonna throw something at us! If something hits my face you’re so dead!”

“Seriously Satan, calm down! It’s not the serious!” Mammon chimed in, trying to enter the living room but was quickly conked in the head by a hardcover book. “OW! Hey! That’s it! When you’re done with yer little temper tantrum, you better run!”

“Shut up, you imbecile!” Satan yelled, his throat tightening. He hates what he’s doing but he can’t help it. The anger hurts so much he can’t help but destroy. Even the precious books we was starting to enjoy, the thing that taught him what he needed to know about this new world he was created in.

“Satan,” HIS voice finds its way in Satan’s ears and he tenses, gritting his teeth, the anger almost bursting inside of him like a volcano, only worsening at the sound of Lucifer. “Don’t make me have to string you up at the chandelier again.”

Satan turned his head to his eldest brother, a sneer present across his face. They both stares each other down, Satan’s wrath boiling over. He was on the verge of pouncing when you suddenly showed up. You must’ve heard the commotion of crashing and yelling while on your way to HOL and came over immediately, maneuvering your way through the brothers.

Satan stares back at you, the rage inside of him still eating it’s way out of him. He wants to hurt you too. And that’s what makes him hate himself and his sin even more.

“Satan?” Your voice calls to him as he clenched his fists, shaking with anger. The frustrated tears began to leak from his eyes, down his cheeks, his teeth clenched so tight they could break.

“Hey,” you approach him slowly, taking small steps forward, your arms raised and open for him. “Cmere. It’s alright, let’s breathe, okay?”

“We’ve been telling him to breathe!” Asmo said with a pout. “But he wouldn’t-“

You looked at Asmo and he closed his mouth, seeing the look in your eyes saying “not now” and he understood. The brothers were ushered away by Lucifer when you looked at him. Crowding Satan wasn’t helping and you knew this.

“Satan?” You called again, his name sliding off of your lips like it was a name that was only meant for a demon that is important.

He couldn’t answer you as he continued to tremble, his nails digging into his palms.

“Hey…” You motioned your arms a little with a smile, stepping forward, closer to him, only inches away. “Is it okay if I touch you?”

He nods, slowly, swallowing hard as he tries to breathe but it comes off as rapid and heavy, given that he basically trashed the entire living room for half an hour.

Your warm arms wrapped around his torso. He was stiff as a board, still shaking, not returning your hug, afraid of hurting you if he even dared to touch you. Your hold was gentle as you brought his head closer to your shoulder for him to lean into, his heavy breathing hitting your neck as well as a bit of sweat and the tears that went down his face. Your fingers danced through his blonde hair. Your breathing was relaxed, composed, your heartbeat did not skip. It was calm. You were calm. Not worried at all around him, only leaning your head on his as your fingers continued to thread through his hair.

Satan’s shaky hands slowly came up around you, finding their way to your shirt, gripping it tightly, almost close to tearing it from his sharp nails. His face buried itself further into the crook of your neck, the tears hitting your skin hard as he breathed out shakily, biting his tongue to silence himself and try and hold himself together, but his resolve was breaking at the seams from how you held him so gently, like he was the fragile one and not the demon that destroyed everything in the house.

His breath hitched and a choked back cry left his throat, his legs slowly giving out beneath him as he began to crumple to the floor. You followed him, guiding his body down to the ground and still continuing to hold him. He was practically in your lap now, legs tightly around your waist as tightly as the hands that gripped your shirt. His anger began to simmer to a halt immediately, the scent of you overwhelming it, bringing his racing heart to a calming pace as he matched your breathing. The adrenaline coming down, leaving him at an all time low.

It was never usually like this after his rampages… He never felt this much clarity, no matter how bittersweet.

“You wanna talk about it?”

He didn’t give any indication of yes or no, simply keeping still.

“Was it your brothers?”

A slow nod. Yes.

“They say something to you?”

He shook his head. No.

“Mm. Too loud today?”

Nod. Yes.

“I’m guessing you were reading?”

He didn’t even need to nod for you to know. You sighed quietly. You’d have to scold them. But that could come later.

“I’m sorry…” his voice rasped out, muffled by your skin.

“About the furniture? Don’t worry, I got it covered-“

“No. About the book. The book I was reading.” He said, his grip on you getting tighter, like an apology. “It got so loud I snapped it in half… All of the pages were everywhere and that made me angrier… You got that book for me and I wanted to read it in the living room but they just ruined it… They ruined the reading time I wanted and I ruined the book… I’m sorry… I’m so-“

“Hey,” you move your hand up to his cheek, making him reluctantly move himself away from your neck and look into your eyes. “Don’t worry about the book. I’m more worried about you. I can always get another for you.”

You were worried about him. There was no doubt you saw the state of the living room; the overturned, torn couches that bled out fluff everywhere, the scratched up walls with a few dents in them from him throwing everything he could at them, broken glass here and there, splinters, and more. And yet you were more concerned about him.

Satan’s heart pounded softy in his chest, tightening, he swallowed again. He wasn’t angry or overwhelmed with rage, just warm. A good warm. A warmth that could only be described as admiration as the soft look started to get into his head, unable to remove it from his memory, which it was engrained in.

He buried his face back into your neck. He was exhausted and you weren’t making it any easier on him. The exhaustion of his rampage hit him like a truck and the warmth of your words and your body only soothed him further. Is this what the brothers meant by the Celestial Realm? Describing the bliss of it, the clarity, the pure warmth with the sun constantly beaming down on them. You were Satan’s sun in the dark Devildom, lulling him to sleep.

You smile at him and kiss his temple, the flesh tingling after your lips leave his skin. His heart was practically buzzing now.

You always took care of him…

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

“MC, is there a reason you’re covering my eyes?”

“It’s a surprise! You’ll know it when you see it! Oh- watch your footing here, there’s a few holes in the pavement.”

Your hands covered Satan’s eyes, leading him over to who-knows-where with a smile on your face, almost mischievous, or maybe it just looked that way due to your excitement. You led him carefully through the Devildom Main Street, going past stores and other shops, mindful of the demons walking past the two of you. Your smile only grew as you made him stop.

“Are we there?”

“Yup! You just need to reach out your hand, okay? Push.” You instructed, leading him to the door.

He followed your instructions and pushed open the door, the sound of a bell chiming and the scent of coffee and tea enveloping his senses, as well as the sudden feeling of something rubbing against his leg. You removed your hands and suddenly Satan’s eyes adjusted to the soft lights, as well as the noise of… meowing?

He looked down to see an orange cat rubbing itself against his leg, purring loudly and chittering as it did so. Satan’s eyes grew wide as he looked at him, a bubbling of excitement building in his chest. He looked at you.

“Surprise! It’s a cat cafe! It opened a few weeks ago and I just had to bring you! They even have a little bookshop just across the way so it’s pretty convenient and cozy, yeah? Oh! Before that!” You grabbed his hand and led him to a booth by the window. “I got us seats reserved beforehand!”

Satan could only mutely follow your lead and sit down at the booth, the orange cat returning to jump onto the table and sit there proudly, a little lazy smile on its face. Satan looked at you again.

“You- You did this for me?”

“Mhm!” A waiter came by and handed you the menus and you skimmed through it, already knowing what was on the menu given that this cafe was there in the future, you having gone to it multiple times before with Satan.

Satan could barely breathe as you handed him the menu, looking down at it and then to the cat, who slowly blinked at him. He slowly blinked back with a small smile. You snickered under your breathe when you practically saw stars forming in his eyes at the orange cat that now lazily laid itself on the table, as if it owned the place, as expected of many cats.

“Thank you MC…” He said, petting the cat on its side with a soft smile. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“I didn’t.” You smiled. “But I wanted to.”

Satan has always read about love in romance novels, always seen how the author describes love as a bundle of emotions that mix into one, becoming overwhelming, in a way that is painful, but it feels good, the pain, as it is described. Needing to hold the lover so tightly, needing more and more of their mind, body, and soul, needing their warmth, unable to breathe unless speaking their name. And when they speak their name of their lover, it’s like taking a breath in of their existence and exhaling it, needing more and more of their entire being that consumes the mind of the protagonist.

Satan never understood the feeling until now. Gazing upon you as the streetlights beam through the window and cast upon your face, almost like a halo or as if you were descending from the Heavens and in front of him now. Satan could barely breathe, nor think, for the very first time. This feeling he felt, he realized that it would last lifetimes, even more. Seeing you would be like falling in love for the very first time.

He began to thank his Father in the Celestial Realm, a Father whom he’s never met, but thanks him anyway, for creating you, for letting you sit in the booth with him now.

He doesn’t even realize your hand had enveloped his across the table, fingers intertwined perfectly. His fingers closed in on your hand. Oh your warmth… His heart pounded and eyes began to tear up without his notice.

Oh the love inside his chest as he stared at you, never breaking the silence with you and enjoying the bliss of the somewhat quiet cafe, the occasional chatter of demons, the clang of silverware, the meowing the cats. He felt no anger boil inside of him, just peace, peace for the very first time.

“I love you, MC.” He blurted out, the word ‘love’ heavy on his tongue, exhaling your name. He felt like it wasn’t enough.

Your smile made his heart almost stop. “I love you too Satan.”

He firmly head your hand, blinking back the tears that came from the weird familiarity that bloomed in his chest. It’s like he’s known you for decades, even more, and loved you for longer.

“I love you.” He repeats, more softly.

There’s a glint in your eyes, like you know. Like you’ve always known. “I love you too.”

He was born from rage, but you give him new purpose, you complete his newly formed heart. And he hopes that his existence can complete yours, as well.

───────────────

Asmodeus is beautiful, everyone knows this. The Jewel of the Heavens, now the Jewel of Hell. Quite literally a diamond in the rough. But somehow he shines despite this, and he knows this, he can tell by the way some demons start to warm up to him, or begin to stare for longer at him than they previously did when he first arrived at the Devildom.

He adores the attention. He craves it. He knows he’s beautiful, but to be appreciated for his beauty is even more than what he could ask for.

But yet it isn’t enough. He loves it yet somehow it… irritates him.

Perhaps it is the fact he’s still seen as the jewel of heaven? Loved for who he once was, not the beauty of who he is now? Maybe they are right with how they viewed him. His old self was probably better than who he is now. No longer as pure as he was, no longer with those beautiful wings and now stuck with the ugly leather and scorpion tail.

He knows he’s beautiful, he does. But yet why does he feel sick looking at himself in the reflection of his mirror, no longer seeing himself as Asmodeus and rather a stranger.

Asmo is torn between his thoughts, trying to find himself among the doubt, the insecurity, the pain of who he is. Give him the attention he deserves, the attention he needs, but see him.

See him… Please.

Love him.

Please…

I can’t be the only one that loves myself, can I?

But then you came into his life, to his brothers lives, in all your glory as a human being in the scary Devildom, completely unafraid by the demons around you, their strength, and the strange ingredients and the wildlife that surrounds you.

At first, he thought you would be like most humans he heard demons talk about, including angels. All humans are known for being helpless against temptation, all falling to the urges of power or lust, it was quite simple to do. But with you, it’s like you saw right through him, eyes sharp and looking past the persona he’s built for himself for eons, all in a single glance.

It terrified him.

You somehow could read him as easily as a book and it scared him. You saw past his beauty and it scared him. You saw his insecurities in himself, the occasional doubt, and it makes him almost want to cry. You could easily use this ability to your advantage, take him down a notch, to ruin him in the Devildom, or to use him as your own benefit.

But you don’t.

Instead, you protect him with your life practically on the line, forgetting you are a lone human (aside from Solomon) in a realm of demons, protecting him from the lowlife that try and take advantage of him as the newly established Avatar of Lust.

You two were at Majolshi. You came with him often in the Devildom, acting like a guard dog in a way, and keeping him up to date with a latest Devildom fashion. After all, he’s trying to establish himself in the Devildom as an influencer.

“Hey, Asmo,” you called to him. He looked up from the rack of clothes he was filing through. “I’m gonna go to the register to check these out, okay? If you wanna get any more, just hand it to me, my treat.”

Asmo gave you a surprised look and then pouted. “Darling! I could easily pay for everything! You may be my attendant, but you don’t need to spoil me so much!”

“But I like spoiling you.” Your smile was sweeter than sweet, like saccharine, and it made his heart jump to his throat. It threw all other thoughts out the window and he nodded dumbly, accepting you paying for him.

He looked back at the rack and felt his cheeks heat up, a dumb smile on his face. He was acting as if he were a Highschool teen that had a crush. He couldn’t help but silently giggle to himself as he thought of it, considering it so silly. But he didn’t mind it… He’s always been a sucker for romances. And adding you to the mix only made it worse.

Then suddenly he felt arms wrap around his waist. He froze.

The thing about Asmo is that he knew your touch like the back of his hand. Your touch was soft, warm, any imperfections in your hands he has memorized, practically engraved into his skin.

This was not your touch.

It was cold. Rough. Unfamiliar.

It made him sick.

“Hey there,” the feeling of disgusting hot breath fanned on his beautiful skin, causing his nose to curl in disgust. “You’re the Avatar of Lust, right? Asmodeus? Yknow, I don’t understand how the Celestial Realm could get rid of a prize like you.”

Asmo clenched his fists, ready to toss this disgusting filth into a wall and break all of their limb.

“Oh well, more for us here in the Devildom, right?”

“Hey!”

The sound of your voice was like hearing a heroine arrive in a moment of bleakness. Asmo perked up but immediately felt his heart drop when you stopped over to him and the stranger, anger present on your face. You couldn’t possibly be thinking of attacking the demon, could you? As a human? You’d surely die! Or- Or-

You punched the demon square in the jaw, throwing them into the ground and immediately tackling them. Asmo could only gasp as you used all your strength inside your body to practically tear this demon apart with your bare hands, gritting your teeth and cursing under your breath. To others, you’d look like an unhinged animal, but to him, you couldn’t he anymore beautiful.

A worker came over and ripped you off of the demon, ushering you two to leave with your paid for items in hand.

You were panting as you and Asmo stood there in the street. Asmo was silent as you looked him over.

“You okay?” You asked, grabbing his hand. Your knuckles were cut open and bloody. He felt his heart break seeing your beautiful skin all torn.

“I should be asking you that…” He mumbled, grabbing your hand with a frown. “You didn’t need to do that for me, I’m not fragile…”

“I know this,” you said quickly, but then blushed a little and rubbed the back of your neck with a sheepish smile. “I just want to protect you! Cause I’m your attendant!”

“But you’re also human.” He whispered, eyes flickering to the people walking up and down the street.

“I know. But that won’t stop me from doing everything I can to protect you.”

Asmo felt his heart skip a beat at your words, his face further heating up, and he squealed quietly and pulled you into a hug, nuzzling his face into your hair as you chuckle.

He loves you. He adores you. He loves you so, so much.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

“Lamb, I don’t understand why you want to do this for me. As much as I love and appreciate it, I can do my makeup on my own!” Asmo pouted at you as you applied his foundation, softly dabbing the sponge across his face.

You only smile and pick up the brush to apply the red blush on his cheeks. “I know this but I like doing it anyways.”

It had been only a month ago when he asked you to do his makeup once, opting to know how you’d do his makeup and to brag to his brothers at how close the two of you were. But something changed the day you did his makeup. The way you would stop for a moment, staring directly into his eyes. It wasn’t like you were under his hypnosis or influence, he found that you were immune to it, but somehow you acted as if you were completely enamored by him.

And you were.

Even now, you caressed his cheek and would glance into his eyes, so close to him but not close enough. It started to make his heart race, his cheeks burst with color, and hands grow sweaty. It was strange for the Avatar of Lust to act so smitten with a mere human, yet here he was, completely floored for you.

You applied the blush to his cheeks, the bristles tickling his skin and he giggles lightly, unable to keep still in his seat.

“You’re so cute.” He said, wanting badly to just kiss your face, to hold it in his hands, but he had to keep himself still, lest you accidentally apply the blush to his forehead.

You said nothing, grabbing the lipstick, and grabbing his chin gently, as if he were a doll. This gave him a chance to look directly into your own eyes.

He hated it when you applied his lipstick, it forced him to look into those gorgeous eyes of yours and it made him fall even harder than he did previously. He swallowed as you gently moved the lipstick across his bottom lip first, glancing up at him and the way he stared back at you. Your smile only worsened the pounding in his chest. Was the air always this thick?

As you applied to the top lip, he could feel himself drown in the pools of your eyes, like you had his power instead. And the more he stared, the more he didn’t mind being completely miffed by you, being under your control. And it’s even more knowing that as much as he worships you, practically on the verge of kissing your feet, you worshipped him just as much in a way that makes him just want to hold you for eternity.

“Asmo?” Your voice called to him, already done. Though, you didn’t need to do much to enhance his beauty.

“Y-Yes?” He cursed himself for sounding so nervous, demanding confidence. It was so strange how he would become so flustered when it should be the other way around!

“You’re so beautiful…”

He’s heard his many time from others, but from you, it meant more.

To you, the word beauty described his whole being. His soul. His body. His mind. All completely beautiful to you, going past beauty and turning it into something more, something he couldn’t describe. The love in your eyes went beyond his own, somehow, going beyond your years.

All adoring him.

He finds himself tearing up, grasping desperately at your hand tightly, swallowing his spit to hydrate his drying throat.

“I love you.”

Lust was never suppose to love, was it? At least, that’s what he’s heard, as an Angel. Lust was selfish, demanding, carnal and uncaring, but you’ve shown him that it is more than what it was painted. There was a need there, a desire, a craving, an itch you cannot quite scratch. All of it filled him with Love.

You leaned in forward to him, pressing your forehead gently on his, your breath fanning against his lips. He holds your face in his hands, keeping you there in front of him, never taking his eyes off of you.

He begins to realize that Solomon sees this face everyday. To wake up to you everyday.

And he envy’s Solomon. What a lucky man…

“I love you too Asmodeus.”

And it sealed it for him.

He will never crave another body of a demon, human, nor angel as much as he craves you. No one could even compare. All he sees is you.

───────────────

Beelzebub is indifferent towards you, at first he believed he was. All that was on his mind was hunger, which irritated him. He loves food, don’t get him wrong, but the agonizing gnawing that comes with Gluttony is both painful and a nuisance. Though, he’s learned to just deal with it now, given that it’s his sin.

Though his brothers don’t seem to understand when he says he’s hungry. They don’t seem to understand the anger that comes with his Gluttony that claws its way in his stomach. It makes him think of everyone as meat, which scares him a little.

“Hey Beel, is something the matter?” Belphie had asked, albeit sleepily.

It was one afternoon at RAD and Beelzebub was bouncing his knee, gripping his stomach as if he were in pain, and biting his inner lip, trying to make the time go by faster. He looked to his twin.

“I’m hungry.”

Belphie was probably the only one who could understand the pain, if only for a little bit. Though, he wouldn’t understand the entirety, he understood more than the others. He pat Beel on the back to attempt to comfort him, but it didn’t do much.

“Lunch is in a few minutes, big guy, don’t worry.” Belphie said with a sympathetic smile.

Beel tried to smile back but it turned into a grimace as his stomach knotted, almost making him think it was eating itself. Then suddenly, you burst in the room, the professor, long since having stopped the lesson and leaving a few minutes of free time, jumped up at the sudden noise.

You matched over to Beel and opened your backpack, throwing out a bunch of snacks on the table of various Devildom chips and chocolates, a few being your favorites. You were sweating like you were running down the hall at full speed, he could hear your heartbeat pounding.

“Here you go Beel.” You huffed and puffed. You sighed and wiped your forehead. “Sorry! I felt that you were hungry so I ran all the way here when my class was wrapping up the lesson.”

“You… Felt I was hungry?” Beel tilted his head at you, eyeing the various treats and his mouth watered.

“Yeah! It’s like a sixth sense. Or maybe… An either sense? I have various senses for all of your brothers. Like now, I feel like Satan is about to flip his lid.” You giggled a little bit, rubbing the back of your neck.

Beel’s heart skipped a beat. “Thank you…” he whispered with a soft smile on his lips, opening up a bag of chips and eating it, he paused when you settled your hand on his head.

“Make sure to eat slowly, okay? I know it’s hard, but savoring it will make the time pass by faster for lunch, okay?”

He nodded mindlessly to you gentle smile, you give Belphie the same headpat, ruffling his already messy hair a bit. He grunted and poured a little but it made you smile even wider, rushing out the room to presumably stop Satan from breaking one of the tables in the classroom again.

Beel stared down at the table filled with snacks, his stomach had stopped its growling, the only sound that filled his ears was the sound of his own heartbeat picking up tempo. Belphie looked to his twin, seemingly sensing what he was feeling.

“You still hungry Beel?”

“Yes…” He gingerly took a chip and ate it slowly, savoring it, like you said. A small smile made its way to his lips. “But not as much anymore.”

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

It’s no secret that you take care of Beelzebub a lot, no secret to his brothers that you have snacks on deck, and it’s no secret that whenever you’re around, his hunger seems to be kind to him and calm down after eating away at him. You’re also soft, which fits the dilemma for him as a soft giant. He towers over his brothers, minus Lucifer, who is only an inch shorter than him (though, he likes to smile at the thought, occasional ideas of holding stuff up to where Lucifer can’t reach, but the last time he did it, he was smacked on the head). Depending on your height, he’s relatively taller than you. But you always have had a hold on him in many ways that he didn’t realize.

It was one night where you and Beel were sitting together in the spare room, a room which you said was “familiar to you,” a similar feeling the brothers all had to the room. Even Belphie, who would sleep there more often than not.

The TV went on while the two of you watched a movie, a random movie that Beel had no opinion to it, just the fact it was new. You seemed to enjoy it, so he kept watching it with you. But he was more focused on the mass amount of popcorn in front of him, all in a huge bowl. He munched away at it, already, half of it was gone. You were next to him.

You then suddenly leaned in closer to him, leaning your head on his shoulder, Beel looked at you for a moment and swallowed the popcorn in his mouth. He was hungry still but grabbed a bit of popcorn and held it up to your lips. You mindlessly ate it, not really paying attention to anything other than the movie, or were just in your own world.

Beel smiled and continued to feed you, completely ignoring his own hunger, finding satisfaction in seeing you eat. It was strange, really. He couldn’t explain it. Every time you ate, he would stare, watching you chew and smile a little at the taste of the food, or look blissfully happy whenever you had something you really enjoyed, like the chocolates from Madam Scream’s or their pudding.

That’s when he stopped, realizing that the half filled bowl started to grow smaller, had he been feeding you all this time? You seemed to notice when your mouth finally realized it needed water.

“Thanks for the popcorn, Beel.” You laughed a little pausing the movie. His face grew a little pink.

“Sorry.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting it. Thank you.”

Beel smiled a little and proceeded to pull you in closer, your back against his chest, his face buried in the side of your neck, holding you close. He wasn’t sure what to do with this feeling burning inside his chest, smelling the scent of your skin. Being near you felt right. The hunger was silenced and he felt full around you, but he couldn’t help but want more of you. You didn’t seem to mind his hold on you, opting to lean back against him and watch the movie, which was nearing its end, but there was no doubt he would continue to hold you even after the movie.

“You want any more popcorn?”

Surprisingly he shook his head and huffed, tightening his grip around you. Not enough to hurt you given his size, just firmly enough to where you can’t move a whole lot.

“Something wrong Beel?“ You ask. Though you know he’s perfectly fine, you just have to be sure. He’s a strong and loving giant, he can be a bit sensitive.

“Mhm. Just wanna hold you…”

You reach your hand up to put your hand to his hair, tilting your head to the side and kissing the side of his head. His arms tightened again, a smile on his face.

He never felt this way before, this much love all for one person. He loves his family and you being apart of it makes it even better. He doesn’t even believe he knows a world where you aren’t apart of it, nor does he ever want to experience it. He doesn’t want to imagine a world where you aren’t in his arms like this, where he doesn’t feed you or eat meals with him and his brothers.

“I love you, MC.”

He blurts it out without even realizing it until he says it, the word love is so sweet on his tongue. He hears you laugh a little. He can feel your heartbeat close to his ear.

“I love you too Beelz.”

After all he’s been through, he never thought he deserved a moment of peace after what he’s lost, but he’s learning to forgive himself. All because of you.

───────────────

Belphie is spoiled. Everyone in the Devildom knows this and everyone in the Celestial realm knows this. Given that he��s the youngest, he’s able to get away with almost anything. Lucifers punishments are akin to a slap on the wrist when it comes to his pranks. Mammon also spoils him rotten, mainly with “mysterious” gifts of soft blankets and pillows and then randomly asking Belphie about them, if he liked them, and trying to justify that is wasn’t him because; “why would I buy somethin’ like that when I can spend it on somethin’ I’d want!” But Belphie isn’t stupid and knows it’s him, but he stops asking if it’s him to keep him quiet so he can nap.

But he’s spoiled brat tendencies never really come out, unless it’s with you.

He pouts and gives you the silent treatment whenever you say you can’t come to the HOL, but quickly gives it up because that takes too much energy when he could spend it talking to you.

He’s also a brat when he comes over to you whenever you are at the HOL and flops himself practically on top of you, smothering you with his body weight, and falling asleep without a care in the world. He’ll only care if you try and get up.

He never was really like this with you, he was mainly indifferent towards you, but after the events of finding out you’re a human and slowly getting closer to you after all that’s happened, he’s was starting to get attached to you, especially when you started cuddling him.

The first time it happened, you had shown up to the HOL to take care of Levi and Asmo fighting this time around, which was surprising since they usually barely even registered one another. It was something about Levi being a shut in and what not, but either way, you took care of it.

You had sat down on the couch after it all, sighing, deciding that maybe you should just pass out from all the running around you had to do. You were an attendant, sure, but you were also a human too, energy tends to deplete faster than you expect.

Belphie suddenly appeared, pillow in arm, eyes all droopy. He’s sleepy, as far as you can tell, but he also looks a bit bitter.

“Move…” He muttered out.

“Pardon?”

“I said move.” He was sounding like a grumpy five year old with how he was acting, a five year old that didn’t have their nap yet.

You snicker at the thought, which made him pout further. You groan. “Just lay your head on my lap if you’re that tired.”

This made him feel wide awake. His eyes widen a fraction. He never really thought about laying his head on your lap. He mainly only ever laid his head on the laps of his brothers, well, mostly by force, unless it’s Beel. Beel is more than happy to let his twin sleep near him. But then there’s you.

Belphie thought for a moment and then sat down on the couch near you, leaning down to put his head in your lap. You sigh and lean your head back again against the cushions of the couch, hearing the crackle of the fire in the living room.

He was stiff until you started running your fingers through his hair and he immediately relaxed, his eyes growing heavy again.

It was strange.

For a moment it felt like time stilled, like all else had disappeared and it left just the two of you.

He’s never felt more warm in the Devildom before when it feel so cold all around him, so unnatural.

But you somehow make his life feel more normal, more like home. He still felt bitter, bitter towards you, mainly being human, he sometimes wishes you were a demon, but the more he thought about the more he never saw you as a demon in the first place. You are far too trusting, empathetic and considerate and a bit of a smart ass while making a few dumb decisions here and there. So perfectly human.

Was this how Lilith felt when she met her human?

Belphie couldn’t help but feel so bittersweet while laying there, head in your lap, hand against your thigh, letting you run your fingers through his hair gently, partly caressing his face.

He shut his eyes and yawned. His yawn affected you, the two of you growing sleepy together. He could feel it too, your drowsiness. His hand inched closer to yours, grabbing it gently, his pointer and middle finger encircling your own lazily.

Belphie smiled and closed his eyes, quickly drifting off into a quiet dream, a dream where it’s just you and him just together. No words needed.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

Belphie learned he could enter dreams the night he went into yours by accident.

It was an accident, truly. He didn’t mean to enter it. The two of you were just in the attic space, laying on the plush bed with the hundreds of pillows and blankets, sleeping the day away, when he fell asleep.

His dream, rather your dream, was dark. Just pitch black. It was like being in a silent, dark room, searching for a light, but somehow you could see yourself.

Belphie moved forward, though slowly, like moving through tar. He stopped when he heard light gasping, choking.

He only turned a fraction to his left to see it. A figure, closely resembling himself, holding you by one hand, tightly gripping your throat. Veins pulsed and bulged beneath your skin, even he could feel his face throbbing as the breath escaped you.

Belphie watched in horror.

His heart was racing. His stomach at the pits of whatever darkness was beneath his feet. Hands shaking and body strangely cold.

He hated that look on your face, the tears that streamed down your cheeks, how utterly helpless you looked.

You were his attendant, always so brave in his eyes. Not even wavering against Lucifer’s rage, not once.

And yet you were helpless against this strange, black silhouette that held his image, foggy yet so clear.

Belphie charged at his shadow self and grabbed it, tossing it to the side, forcing it away with whatever sheer will he could muster. It clawed, it snarled like an animal, it cursed and yelled but Belphie shut her ears to the nonsense it was sprouting with clenched fists.

He would never do that to you.

But…

He looked down at you, your gasping form, writhing in agony.

He felt like this happened before.

But why?

He wouldn’t hurt you, he would never hurt you! You loved him, his brothers, Beel! You took care of them, you adored them, you spoiled them rotten, especially him. Your care was gentle as your love was passionate. Why would he ever want to hurt you??

You looked up, fear flashing across your face.

Please… Don’t look at him like that…

Belphie shook himself from the dream, waking up with his head on your chest and body in between your legs. You were somehow still asleep, but with a look of discomfort.

Belphie grabbed your hand, firmly, and sniffled against your shirt, shutting his eyes tightly.

He wanted to give you a good dream, you deserved to have that, at the very least. You, of all people, do not deserve to be tortured senselessly for no reason.

As he rubbed your knuckles with his thumb, mostly to calm himself as he listened to your heartbeat growing steady, he heard you sigh and that discomfort left your face, relaxing into a smile.

Belphie took this moment to let his lower lip quiver and a small cry left his lips and a little sniffle. He let go of your hand.

He needed to go. There’s no way he could be around you if… If there was a chance he ever hurt you.

As he moved, you shifted.

“Belphie?”

He jumped when he heard you call his name, wiping his eyes in a hurried manner.

“You saw, didn’t you?”

It wasn’t a known secret you still had nightmares about that day, albeit rarely. Sometimes it just happens whenever your brain decides to torment you. And these were one of those days. And it was even worse it was with Belphie who really ended up being in your dream, saving you from himself.

His nod only confirmed it, which made your heart break. You sighed and reached for his hand and, just as he grabbed yours, held it firmly.

“…do you really think I’d do that to you…?”

“No. Not now. But would you have when you found out I was human?”

“…I don’t think so? I don’t know.. it was happening so fast then, I don’t see why I would just- just do that. I was a little angry that you lied to me, mostly, but I wouldn’t have-“

“Killed me?”

The word made him flinch. Human mortality was no secret. It never bothered him until now, he never thought about it until now, of how many times you put your life in danger for the sake of his brothers when your life could easily be snuffed out in a blink.

This is how Lilith felt, isn’t it?

“Belphie,” you brought him out of his thoughts. “You guys scare me sometimes, but I know that you won’t actually kill me.”

There’s something that lingers in your eyes that he can’t place. A knowing. You bring your free hand to his cheek and caress it.

“I love you, you know this Belphie.”

Belphie nods with a little ‘mhm’. He feels so pathetic, he should be comforting you, not acting like a little kid. He takes his hand away from you and kneels down in front of you, wrapping his arms around your midsection and burying face in your stomach.

“I’d do anything for you, you know,” he said, a little muffled by the fabric. “You’re everything to us, to me. I’ll throw the whole Devildom upside down if you want me to.”

You chuckle a little. “And not taking a break to sleep?”

“I’d give up sleeping forever if you wanted me to. Id do it if that would make you happy.”

“Woah, don’t need to go that far. I don’t want to torment you!”

“Stop making fun of me, I’m seriously.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. You’re just so cute.”

Belphie blushed and huffed as you continued to lightly chuckle at his words.

“I’m serious. I would do anything you wanted me to. Id cut off my own hands before touching you in a way that hurts you, MC. Just ask me to and Id do it.”

You sigh, running your fingers through his hair, “I know Belphie, and it won’t come to that. I trust you. Do you trust me?”

“Trust you for what?”

“Trust me to believe in you? In your ability to keep me safe?”

He was silent for a moment, then he nodded. “I trust you.”

“Then there’s no need for promises. Let’s just trust each other, okay? Promises can be forgotten.”

“Not for me, I’ll always remember to cut my hands off if you wanted.”

“Belphie.”

“Kidding.”

“I have a feeling you’re not.”

Belphie smiled into your shirt and giggled a little, letting you pet his hair.

Whatever that was in your dream, whether it was him or not, he’d be damned again to the deepest, darkest pits of the Devildom before ever hurting you or making you cry.

#obey me asmodeus #x reader #obey me mc #obey me shall we date #obey me x reader #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me leviathan #fluff #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me x mc #obey me x you #gender neutral reader #obey me nightbringer

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