#mar[r]y me fic
Text
Mar[r]y Me - part 8.5.2
pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Mariella “M&M” Vertucci (fem!OC)
summary: A love story told through friendship, laughter, and food.
series warnings: 18+ minors DNI, discussion of insecurities, difficult family relationships, discussions of food and alcohol use, discussions of body image, conversations on what it’s like to be a fat woman trying to date in today’s society, extreme fluff, like soooo much flirting, warnings to be added as needed
word count: 3.6k
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note: happy Friday! I hope everyone had lovely holidays and 2024 is going well for you so far! I did have some issues tagging people so apologizes if you didn't notified! I really loved writing this chapter, especially since it's going to help set the stage for the rest of the story! (only 4 more parts to go! isn't that crazy??) please be safe if you have snow coming towards you this weekend, and enjoy these two pining and yearning for each other more than ever.
part 8.5.2 - rambling and rings
Friday, April 16, 2021
Mary waves at the obnoxiously large SUV as Slider honks and drives away. Leaning against the entryway table, she slips her heels off and wiggles her painted toes at the feeling of the soft runner beneath her feet. Shuffling over to the entertainment console, she hums as she connects her phone, choosing the song that was on in the car.
The dreamy guitar intro floats through the air, making her smile. And the last beams of golden sunshine disappear as she dances through the living room, enjoying the peaceful feeling that’s settled in her chest and closing the blinds in between twirls.
Good things are happening at work, rumbles that there’s a promotion coming on the horizon. The monthly call back home to her parents hadn’t ended in tears for the first time in months. Most of her evenings are spent in the company of at least one Dagger family member, helping Kris and Dani with their kids or enjoying the adult-only life with Aaron and Flora. Bradley is messaging her as often as he can, every email making her heart flutter, increasing her joy with every sentence he types.
Everything is coming together in ways she had never even dared to dream about.
An early dinner with Ron, Mav, and Penny was the cherry on top of a great week. The four of them laughing and telling stories the entire time, taking advantage of the warm spring weather at the patio table Pete had reserved for Slider’s birthday. As stories and photos were traded across the table, Mary felt like her heart could burst learning about baby Bradley. The only quiet moment of the evening was when their waiter brought an unordered round of drinks to the table, prompting the men to venture inside and thank the old Navy buddy that had spotted them through the window.
“Thank you, Matt; it was getting just a tiny bit too windy for us.”
“No problem, ma’am.” The young man smiles over his shoulder as he finishes turning the outdoor heater on. “Can I get you ladies anything else?”
“I think we’re good for now, thank you,” Penny answers, glancing at Mary, softening at the sight of the younger woman lost in thought as she stares out at the ocean with a content smile.
She watches as brown eyes drift from the water to the table, gentle fingers tracing over a copy of a photo that’s older than the girl studying it. Penny stays quiet, letting the sound of waves crashing on the sand accompany the slight furrow that creases Mary’s brow as she brings the photo closer to her face.
“He looks just like his dad, doesn’t he?”
“He does; he acts a lot like him, too, more than he realizes.”
“You knew him?” It’s not a surprised reaction, just curious.
Penny hums, “We weren’t close, but I knew him enough to see how much Bradley has turned out like him. He’s a good blend of both his parents.”
“Did you know Carole very well?”
“More than Nick, by default, but for the most part, we were at different stages in life. She was older than me by a few years. I was in college and she was a widow raising a toddler. But, as you know, the aviator community is pretty small, so we were friendly. I would even babysit Bradley sometimes when the guys were deployed.”
“He was a cute baby,” Mary says softly, eyes back on the last photo taken of the whole Bradshaw family.
“He was… turned out to be a handsome man, didn’t he?” Penny asks, taking advantage of the moment.
She smirks as the younger woman looks up at her through her lashes, a shy smile stretching her pink cheeks. “He did.”
“Can I ask you something while they’re still inside?”
“We’re not together. But we are going on a date the week after he gets back.” Now it’s Mary’s turn to smirk at how Penny’s eyebrows rocket up to her hairline. “That is what you were going to ask me, right?”
“It’s close enough. Are you excited?”
“I am. I really like him.”
It’s the first time she admitted it out loud to anyone other than her best friend. She revels in the encouraging energy and words Penny gives back, both of them still giggling like school girls when Pete and Ron return.
“What are you two laughing about?” Slider asks as he slips Mary’s wrap over her shoulders.
“Oh, nothing.” When Penny winks, she has the overwhelming urge to cry. The knowing look accompanying those two words is more affectionate and maternal than anything her mother has done in years.
Their hug goodbye lasts a few seconds longer than expected, and the gentle hands that smooth some stray hairs back make her throat tighten. Slider is quiet on the ride home; familiar with the many moods of Mary, he lets her work through her thoughts with the radio on low.
“Y’okay, kid?” He doesn’t speak until he pulls into her neighborhood, giving himself a five-block buffer to determine if a pit stop to the closest ice cream shop is required.
“Yeah. Just-” Mary pauses, trying to figure out how to best explain. “Just still getting used to it.”
“To what?”
“To how easy it is to just be me out here. Surrounded by people who have just folded me into their lives with zero hesitation, like I’ve always been here.”
“Mary, were you happy in Florida?”
“I was content. Getting to know you helped with that a lot, but let’s face it; if I was happy, I wouldn’t have been so excited to leave.”
“And you’re happy now?”
“I am. I can’t remember the last time I was this happy.”
It's a cheesy line, but true. She knew that when she said it, accepting the light teasing that followed with a smile. One that hadn’t left her face as she said goodbye to her mentor, one that grows as the song starts again. She can’t help how big her grin gets. This song always reminds her of Bradley.
“I'm in love, I'm alive. I belong to the stars and sky.”
Letting the song stay on repeat, Mary stops in the kitchen for some water on her way to the bedroom. It’s still early - not even eight yet - but a full night’s sleep is calling her name, eyelids feeling heavy.
She slips her clothes off, folding the jeans for tomorrow and tossing her shirt in the laundry. A small groan of relief accompanies the unclasping of her bra before she slings it into the hamper. Turning the bedroom speakers down slightly as she enters the bathroom, a grimace instantly creases her face when she catches sight of herself in the mirror.
“Jesus…” Her disbelief echoes in the room as gentle fingers rub over the harsh red lines where her clothes dug into her skin. It’s evident where the waistband of her jeans sat all day. And the tender spots under her arms lets her know it’s time to look for better-fitting bras, again. Mary tugs the leg of her panties up, relieved to see at least one piece of clothing hasn’t left its mark.
She’s massaging the sore spots on her chest, letting her warm hands diminish the pain, when her phone rings. Her eyebrows furrow deeper at the unknown number flashing across the screen.
Usually, at this time of night, she’d ignore an unknown number and let the other person leave a voicemail, but something in her gut tells her to pick up before it’s too late.
“Hello?” There’s a muffled response, and she scrambles to disconnect her phone from the speakers. “Hello? Can you hear me?”
“Hello, ma’am. Can I speak to Mariella Vertucci?”
“May I ask who’s calling?”
“This is Lieutenant Corso in the communications bay on the USS Roosevelt. Can you confirm your identity with your full name, birthday, and the eight-digit code given to you by Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw?”
Mary’s heart stops for a second. This is it. Bradley is calling. She’s going to get to talk to him after forty-eight days. Hear his voice. See his face.
“Ma’am?”
“Sorry. Mariella Theresa Vertucci, born March 14, 1987. The code is 0125-2020.”
“Thank you, ma’am. One minute, please.” The soft clacking of a keyboard filters through the phone, the Lieutenant's tongue clicking as he types. “You’ve been verified. Does the phone you’re using have video chat capabilities.”
“It does, Lieutenant.”
“Excellent. Stay on the line, and in a few minutes, a video chat will come through with Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw. You have been allotted 30 minutes today. I am required to remind you that communication is not secure. This means, for security purposes, you cannot ask what time of day it is, what location, or how any missions have gone. Please confirm that you understand.”
“I understand.”
“Thank you. I am also required to let you know that this video chat is conducted in a private area and will not be monitored. However, the audio will be recorded, so any lewd acts are discouraged but not forbidden.”
Mary can’t help the snort that escapes. “But not forbidden?”
“Uh- the uh-” She smothers a chuckle at how the kid trips over his words. “The Navy understands that loved ones are apart for long periods of time and can’t forbid any uh- urges that couples may wish to act upon during their chats. But we are legally required to inform everyone of the recording.”
“Ah, I see. Thank you, Lieutenant.”
“No problem, ma’am. Please stay on the line, and your loved one will be joining shortly.” She giggles at how quickly the hold music starts, humming along to Anchors Aweigh as she clips her hair up, ready to take her makeup off. She’s about to wet a washcloth when the music cuts, and the video call comes through.
Taking a second to look herself over, Mary admires the tendrils that have escaped, perfectly framing her cheeks that are still flushed from the wine she had with dinner. The slightest bit still tipsy and a little frazzled about Bradley, she realizes just in time that she’s still only in her underwear, hitting the accept button and dropping the phone on the counter.
“One second! Just- oh, come on! Fuck!” She curses under her breath as she struggles to slip into her bathrobe. “Hang on, Bradley!”
Finally getting both arms in, she ties the robe, eyebrows raising in surprise at how it cinches her waist, before eagerly grabbing her phone.
“Hi, Mary.”
“Hi, Bradley.”
She greedily drinks him in. It’s been 48 days since she’s seen his handsome face or heard his warm voice - the longest since they met - and she’s missed him. Her heart clenches at how tired he looks, the bags under his eyes more pronounced than ever.
“Hi, honey.” The sweet name hits something deep inside, and she can’t help the tears that immediately form or the way her bottom lip wobbles. “Oh, shit, Mary. Please don’t cry, honey.”
The emotional reaction surprises even her; she was expecting to be a bit overwhelmed, but nothing like this. It makes her feel a little ridiculous, crying about a man she’s barely even kissed. But you love him, her brain chimes in, sending more heat to her face.
“This is your uncle’s fault!” She laughs, swiping tears away and propping her phone against the mirror.
“Mav?”
She can’t help but giggle at his disbelieving tone as she reaches for a tissue. “No, Slider. He’s in town this week, and he may or may not - but definitely did - get me tipsy at dinner, like he always does!”
She trills on about dinner, telling him about the childhood stories that were shared and the baby photos that now live on her phone, not noticing the look on his face until he interrupts.
“You getting in the shower, Mary?”
The husky tone immediately grabs all of her attention, a shiver running down her spine at the smoldering look on Bradley’s face. She follows his eyes down, surprised to see how much her robe has come undone. The valley between her breasts is completely visible, and the fabric is threatening to expose her belly button - and more - if it’s not fixed.
“Oops…” She mumbles to herself, tightening the robe so much it pushes her cleavage together.
Normally, this is where her insecurities would ruin the moment - flooding her brain with terrible things. Make her spend the rest of the call analyzing how she looks in the tiny corner box, agonizing how prominent her double chin is from this angle. But the soft fuck that crackles through the phone squashes the anxieties before they can take root, shifting her attention to admire the man looking back at her.
And god, he is a man.
Bradley Bradshaw has always been gorgeous: tall, strong, and deliciously tan. But mid-deployment Bradley Bradshaw is a vicious attack to the senses. And the hormones.
His broad shoulders have gotten broader, filling the little privacy cubicle in the communications room so much that he’s brushing both sides of the walls. His curls are more golden than usual, clear evidence of time spent flying in the Pacific tropics. His tan is deeper, too, glowing even in the harsh florescent lighting, the bridge of his nose slightly sunburnt. His neatly trimmed mustache moves with his lush pink lips, warmth building in her core as her thoughts drift to the memory of how they felt pressed against hers.
“Mary?” She hums, eyes focusing back into the present and away from her favorite post-deployment reunion fantasy. “Whatcha thinking about?”
“You.”
It's clear he wasn’t expecting that answer from the way he drags a hand over his mouth to muffle a cruse, his eyes scrunching shut.
She wasn’t expecting it either; the effects of the wine have mostly worn off, leaving her with flushed cheeks and apparently a slightly looser tongue. She can’t bring herself to be embarrassed about the overly honest answer. Communicating exclusively via email for the last month and a half has allowed Mary to gain confidence in Bradley’s feelings. It’s hard to wonder about his intentions when every email ends with him telling her how many days are left until he’s home.
“Your lips…” She continues, emboldened as the last remnants of wine soften the sharp edges of her insecurities and the pink working its way up his neck. She loves how easily Bradley blushes for her. Their few kisses have always ended with his cheeks a lovely, rosy shade. “How soft your hair is. Your mustache. How strong you are. How much I miss you…”
The words make them both pause. It’s not an uncommon phrase, every email containing some variation of the sentiment, but hearing the words out loud makes it real. Cementing the longing in their chests.
“I miss you, too.” The words are quiet, echoing against the tiled walls. She chuckles, throat thick with emotion, and Bradley can’t look away from her soft smile. His heart pounding at the emotion on her face, something he can’t quite place. He can’t stop staring as she picks the phone up and flicks the light off, “Where are we going?”
“Couch.”
He smiles as the familiar walls of her living room appear, grin going slack when she props him up on the side table, and the slit of her robe reveals a thigh that he’s dreamt about as she shuffles pillows. Bradley manages to pull his mind out of his post-deployment fantasy as she plops on her couch - that damn pink couch - and smiles at him over the arm, her eyes almost closing she grins so hard.
“I’m sorry I missed our call.”
“It’s okay, Bradley. I knew it was a possibility, and Mav let me know what was going on. I understand.”
“I want to hear about your birthday.”
“I told you about my birthday! We’ve discussed it extensively.”
“I still want to hear about it. I want to hear your voice.” He revels as she softly whines and smooshes her face into a pillow, thrilled to cause that reaction. “C’mon, please, Mary?”
“You’re not fighting fair.” The muffled complaint comes back, making him laugh, but she does as asked.
Bradley listens, humming along as she recounts her birthday for him and insisting for the hundredth time that it was his pleasure to give her presents. He lets her lead the conversation as it shifts to what’s happening in San Diego, content to watch her as she shares stories of what he’s missing at home. Happy to just admire her and occasionally ask questions.
It’s so easy to get lost looking at her. Dark hair swishing around her shoulders, just slightly shorter than it was in February. Her brown eyes look darker than usual, the low light in the room making them almost black instead of the warm brown he’s used to staring into. And despite resecuring the robe, it’s coming loose again, enough that the top curve of her breasts are visible; freckles dotted all over, disappearing beneath the baby blue fabric. Bradley thinks about what it would be like to connect the dots on her soft skin, tracing invisible lines with his fingers or lips. He imagines there’s more hiding behind the waffle material. He wonders if she’d let him find out.
The fantasy of how wonderful it would be to memorize every mark on her body is interrupted as red nail polish grabs his attention. He loves her hands, smaller than his but so strong when she’s working on a jet. Steady as she calls out instructions to her team, grease smeared up to her elbows and her nail color of the week shining through the black sludge. Mary insists that she doesn’t talk with her hands, that she managed to avoid that stereotypical Italian-American trait, but Bradley smirks as her hands swirl through the air. He’s about to interrupt the story she’s giggling through - something about the latest swear word that Danielle accidentally taught Annie - when something sparkly on her finger distracts him.
A ring.
A diamond ring.
A simple silver band lined with tiny diamonds.
On her ring finger.
On her left ring finger.
His eyebrows furrow as he tries to study the never-before-seen piece of jewelry. Mary must notice his confusion because she cuts her story off and flashes her hand at the camera. “I bought this for myself when I got promoted for the first time. I went from EI to EII, which is entry-level engineer to associate engineer. It was $50 from this little shop that was on the same block as my first solo apartment in St. Louis.”
Relief sweeps through his body, thrilled that Mary hadn’t gotten engaged with him.
“That’s awesome. Have you done that every time you’ve moved up?”
“Kinda? I always buy myself some sort of gift - last time, I splurged and got that big blender we used at the Christmas party. But I’ve only done jewelry a few times. I think I’m going to get a necklace next time, something to match this.” She explains, wiggling her fingers so the gems shimmer in the camera.
“It’s very pretty.” Bradley compliments, feeling bold enough to go further. “You look good with a ring on that finger.”
“Jesus, Brad-”
She’s cut off by the two-minute alert popping up. They had been so distracted they weren’t paying attention to the countdown timer.
“Already?” Mary pouts, forehead crinkling as she frowns. “But I didn’t get to ask you about carrier food.
“It’s bad, honey. Yours is so much better.”
“Or how you’re sleeping.”
“Reuben’s snoring has somehow gotten even louder since last time we shared a bunkroom; Bob, Mickey, and I owe you for the extra earplugs you sent.”
“You’re sunburnt.”
“I’m wearing the sunscreen you gave me; the sun is just strong.”
“I knew I should have sent the SPF 75!” Bradley smiles as Mary throws her head back in faux despair. “Oh well, now I know for next time, I guess.”
“Next time?”
“Yeah. You didn’t think I’d only send you a care package one time, did you? I gotta make sure you have everything you need. I know I missed some stuff this time, but I’ll get better in the future! I promise.”
I love you.
He just barely holds the words in.
“God, I fucking miss you.” He stares at the screen, watching the prettiest brown eyes in the world fill with tears at his words. “Oh, honey, please don’t cry. I’ll be home so soon.”
“But twenty-four days is such a long time, and I miss you so much.”
“I know, but we’ve already done 48 days. Twenty-four will be a breeze to get through.” The timer starts blinking, the last 60 seconds counting down. “I gotta get going, Mary. But you keep sending me flirty emails so I have something to read and think about.”
He chuckles at the little surprised noise she makes. “You noticed that?”
“Did I notice that? Mariella, in the kindest way, you are not subtle.”
“Well- I-” She splutters. “Neither are you!”
“I’m not trying to be, baby doll,” Bradley revels in her reaction to the pet name - mouth dropping open as she blinks at him, cheeks pinker than he’s ever seen - one he didn’t even mean to use.
The flustered hand she waves at the camera while yelling at him makes him laugh. “Bradley!”
“I would say I’m sorry, but I’m not. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Be safe. Only 24 days.”
“Only 24 days.”
“I miss you, handsome.”
Bradley's face feels hot, choked up at the look in her eyes, the softness of her words. “I miss you, too, baby doll.”
They don’t say goodbye, choosing to admire each other as the final seconds tick away.
5…
I can’t wait to see you in person.
4…
God, you’re so gorgeous.
3…
I don’t want to hang up.
2…
I miss you.
1…
I love you.
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HIS EXPECTED FATE — JUNGWON FF
“ one day, i will stop falling in love with you. ”
PART TWO OF (Y)OUR EXPECTED FATE. ( READ FIRST ? )
SYNOPSIS Jungwon was going to try to move on—he had promised you. But, with his new career choice, he found himself writing books about his past lifetimes with you. As he convinced himself it would help as he could finally “let go”, you just had to come stumbling into his life again…after all, promises are sometimes meant to be broken.
( 🗝️ ) THE PAIRING author!jungwon x fem!reader
𓍼 WARNINGS character death, mentions of injuries (blood), use of petnames (my love + dearest), profanity (barely)
⌞ + ⌝ GENRE doomed immortal x mortal, angst, fluff-ish?
♡⸝⸝ WORD COUNT — 2.6K+ ( 2694 WORDS )
AUTHOR’S NOTE FINALLY part two is here !! i just loved part one too much so i had to let it get its moment one more time ( yes , we have favs around here !! ) writer jungwon is to DIE FOR and ugh, i just might write a long fic based on that idea SOLELY for my own satisfaction so yeah the wheels r turning in my head as we speak 🤍 but i hope you enjoy ^^
Jungwon should’ve known.
Each step echoes in the hollow corridors of his mind, a haunting reminder of the cruel cycle of fate. Your fragile form lies before him, a mere whisper of the vibrant soul he once knew. "YN!" he cries out, his voice choking with anguish as he gathers you into his trembling embrace.
With his eyes blurred with tears, he notices how you looked up at him, life escaping from you within the minutes, or even seconds you had left.
Through tear-streaked eyes, he watches as your gaze meets his, a bittersweet reflection of love and loss. "Jungwon..." your voice is but a fragile whisper, fading like a distant echo.
“Why are you still smiling?” His voice trembled, his fingers caressing the side of your face as if he was trying to remember every detail about you into his memory.
How could you still smile so beautifully during your final moments?
Searching into your eyes for answers, he notices you trying to speak to him. Yet, instead of words, trickles of blood start escaping your lips, only intensifying the moment. “Take your time, YN…” His voice quivers as he tenderly brushes away the blood that mars your once radiant face.
Looking at your current state, he knew time was no longer a factor. Still, those words spill from his lips, a feeble attempt to offer comfort to both you and himself.
"I'm always here for you, remember?"
"I'm sorry," you murmur, your voice barely audible above the relentless march of time.
As the weight of your apology hangs heavy in the air, Jungwon's heart clenches with a mixture of sorrow and regret. "There's nothing to apologize for," he whispers, his voice barely audible amidst the suffocating silence of impending loss. “I should’ve done more.”
"You've done what you could. I was the stubborn one," you reassure him, your words a soothing balm to his troubled soul.
"I still could've tried harder," he persists, unable to shake the burden of guilt that weighs heavily upon him.
"Stop blaming yourself, my dearest," your pet name pierces through his turmoil, a reminder of the depth of your connection.
How many more times would he hear it before you slipped away?
“Listen, can you do me a favor?”
“Anything you ask, I’ll do it.”
“Anything?”
“Anything, my love.”
“Pursue in something else in your life. Something that isn’t me.”
"How?" Jungwon's tone is laced with uncertainty, his mind grappling with the thought of creating a new path without you by his side. He’d always believed that you were the person he needed to have to live peacefully. But, the more he thought about it, the more he had led himself to the most painful goodbyes he’d forever remember.
"I know you can do it. You've spent so much time searching for me, knowing that I won't remember a single thing about our past lives—isn't that right?" Your words striked something within him, a painful reminder of the futility of clinging to pasts that can never be reclaimed.
"Try to change your fate," you urge, your voice tinged with hope.
"I can't see a life without you—even if you're in different bodies, or lives—I need you," Jungwon confesses, his desperation laid bare for you to see.
"You're..." you cough out, a sudden wave of panic flooding through him. "You're only going to keep hurting yourself."
“But—”
"Jungwon. Please," you implore, your voice barely above a whisper yet filled with unwavering determination.
"Okay," Jungwon concedes, his resolve crumbling in the face of your earnest plea.
"Promise me," you insist, your hand trembling as you extend your pinky towards him, a silent vow of mutual understanding and commitment. Despite your weakened state, your arm strains to support your hand as it reaches out to him.
Jungwon clears his throat, his own hand trembling as he interlocks his pinky with yours. A fleeting smile graces your lips, a final testament to the love that binds your souls together.
"I love you, my dearest," you whisper, your words a tender farewell as the grip of your hand on his begins to loosen.
Tears stream down Jungwon's cheeks uncontrollably as he watches you slip away, the echoes of your parting words resonating within his shattered heart. No matter the amount of lifetimes he has gone through, he could never get familiar with the pain he’d experience when losing you.
The only thing that was different was the thought of him finally wanting to take your advice seriously. After all, he did make one last promise with you.
“I love you too, my love.” he whispers, his voice choked with emotion as he finally surrenders to the overwhelming tide of grief.
“I’ll try my best.”
Sinking into his chair, Jungwon's gaze drifts across the scattered stacks of notebooks adorning his desk. With a flick of his wrist, he switches on the desk lamp, its soft glow casting a comforting aura over the room as he reaches for the nearest notebook within arm's reach.
With pen in hand, he begins to jot down the fragments of ideas swirling in his mind. As the words flow effortlessly onto the paper, he can almost feel the weight of his burdens lifting, if only for a fleeting moment.
Dropping the pen onto the desk, Jungwon stretches his cramped fingers with a small groan, the fatigue of sleepless nights finally catching up to him. Adjusting his posture, he straightens his back and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, the lenses reflecting words he had written in such a short amount of time.
Writing the last sentence, Jungwon closes the notebook with a sense of accomplishment, a faint smile gracing his lips as he flips through the pages one last time before setting it aside. It was one of the fifth notebooks he had put aside for this book—one of the books he’d spent so much of his time in because you had told him to follow his dreams.
So, he took it to heart, and he seriously never thought he’d be so committed until he finally managed to publish a couple of books of his own.
Finding himself in one of the bookstores, he found himself staring at one of the copies he had made. The countless hours spent hunched over his desk, the sleepless nights fueled by caffeine, and sheer determination had finally paid off.
Stepping closer to the display of his book, Jungwon feels a surge of pride swell within him as he runs his fingers over the glossy cover.
This couldn’t have been possible if it weren’t for your words.
Just as Jungwon is about to place the copy back onto the shelf, a voice startles him from his reverie. "Oh, you like that author too?" The sound of the voice breaks through the silence of the bookstore, drawing his attention to the person standing beside him—a cheerful stranger whose presence catches him off guard.
As he recovers from the sudden startlement, Jungwon's shock only intensifies when he realizes who is standing before him.
It's you.
You've been reincarnated, your familiar presence sending a shiver down his spine.
Quickly averting his gaze, Jungwon feigns casual indifference as he shifts his attention back to the shelves. "I was just curious, that's all," he replies with a slight nod, his heart pounding with a mixture of disbelief and longing.
Though he knows that you cannot possibly remember the countless lifetimes you've shared, the mere sight of you was overwhelming him. It was as if you knew, and you were simply mocking him for his misery.
“Oh, cool.” It would’ve been cool if he didn’t happen to bump into you now, especially since he tried his absolute hardest to not go out looking for you again. But, fate seemed to have their plans, and brought you to him like it was nothing.
“I didn’t know they released a new book—did you?”
“I’ve heard about it, that’s why I went to check it out.” he continues, his gaze fixed on the books before him as he struggles to maintain his composure. Despite the casual tone of the conversation, every fiber of his being longs to reach out to you, to hold you close and never let go. But he knows that such desires are futile, destined to remain unfulfilled in the cruel dance of fate.
He can’t fall for you again.
“Mind telling me what you heard about it? I’m quite curious as well,” Jungwon's heart races as you scoot closer to him, his pulse quickening for several reasons. It's been a while since he last saw you, and the sudden proximity is enough to make him feel flustered, a jumble of conflicting emotions swirling within him.
"Well, it's about a knight and a sorcerer," he replies with a bitter smile, carefully masking his true feelings behind a facade of casual indifference. After all, he can't afford to reveal his true identity as the author—not when he's spent so long hiding it from the public, especially for moments like this.
"Is that so?" you hum in response, your curiosity piqued as you peer over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of the book in his hands. Jungwon's shoulders tense up, unsure of how to navigate this unexpected interaction. Should he reveal his secret to you, or continue to play along with the charade?
"It's quite different as the male lead is convincing the female lead to stay with him—oh and I forgot to mention, the female lead is a knight," Jungwon remarked, his enthusiasm evident in his tone.
"Wow, that's kind of badass," Jungwon chuckles, momentarily forgetting his unease in the warmth of your reaction.
"She certainly was," he responds almost instinctively, before catching himself with a slight frown. "...from what I heard, that is," he quickly adds, cursing himself for the slip-up. He can't afford to reveal too much, not when his true identity as the author must remain hidden.
"What do you mean he was trying to convince her to stay though? What happened?" you inquire, effortlessly steering the conversation in a new direction. Jungwon feels a wave of relief wash over him at your gentle redirection, grateful for the sudden change.
"Well, since he's immortal, he had finally figured out a way for her to stay," Jungwon recalls, his voice tinged with a hint of melancholy. "But, she refused. And even with his pestering, nothing could convince her."
"Yikes—this author hates seeing people happy, huh?" you remark sadly, your empathy for the characters noticeable in your tone. "They always manage to write something sad, I feel bad for the characters."
Jungwon chuckles at your words, though there's a hint of sadness underlying his amusement. It's not that he hates seeing people happy; rather, he's grappling with his own memories, desperately trying to come to terms with the past in order to find solace in the present.
"It seems so," he finally manages to say, his voice betraying none of the turmoil raging within him. "But, you know, I haven't read the whole thing. It could have a good ending, who knows," he adds optimistically, though he knows all too well the outcome of that particular fate.
"I like the creativity though, I wouldn't have imagined this," you remark, your admiration for the author's imagination evident in your words. And as Jungwon listens to you speak, he finds himself drawn to the warmth of your presence, fully knowing he shouldn’t be.
He would only hurt himself again.
As silence envelops the room, Jungwon finds himself lost in his thoughts, the weight of his past with you casting a shadow over the present. But then, your voice breaks through the quiet, pulling him back to the present moment.
"I don't blame her though—I would've done the same," you added, your words tinged with understanding and empathy. Jungwon's gaze shifts to you, his heart aching at the familiarity of your smile. It's a bittersweet reminder of the lifetimes they've shared, each one leaving an indelible mark on his soul.
Meeting your gaze, Jungwon is struck by the overwhelming sense of deja vu that washes over him. Your face, so achingly familiar, holds a mirror to his memories—the way your hair falls in gentle waves around your face, the curve of your smile, and the moles that adorned your skin.
Your moles.
As Jungwon's gaze lingers on the moles scattered across your face, he can't help but feel a surge of nostalgia wash over him. Each mole seems to hold a memory, a testament to the countless kisses he had left upon your skin in your previous lives.
The urge to wrap his arms around your waist and kiss each mole floods Jungwon's senses, a longing that was meant to be fulfilled every lifetime. His heart falters, torn between the overwhelming love he feels for you and the bittersweet ache of your shared pasts.
You are just too pretty, he thinks, his breath catching in his throat as he struggles to contain the flood of emotions threatening to consume him. In that moment, you are more than just a familiar face—you are a living, breathing reminder of everything he has ever loved and lost.
He knows no matter how many lifetimes may pass, you will always hold a special place in his heart.
"Why?" Jungwon asks, his voice tinged with a hint of desperation as he searches for answers in your words, hoping they will provide solace for the choice you made to leave him in your past life.
"Living on forever doesn't seem like a good thing. It could get boring, so I would understand the female lead's thoughts. After all, not knowing the outcome of your life could only push you to work harder, no?" you respond, your words carrying a wisdom that resonates deeply within him.
"Even if it meant staying with your lover?" he presses, his heart pounding with anticipation as he awaits your response.
"Even if it meant staying with your lover," you affirm, your gaze unwavering as you meet his eyes.
Hearing your words stings, but Jungwon finds himself strangely grateful for the insight they provide into your perspective. They were all too familiar, and it was as if you meant to give him that reminder in every life of yours.
Perhaps he had always viewed love through a narrow lens, assuming that staying together for eternity was the ultimate expression of devotion. But now, as he reflects on your words, he realizes that love is as much about understanding and acceptance as it is about passion and commitment.
"I see," he murmurs softly, the words heavy with resignation yet tinged with a newfound sense of understanding. Maybe, just maybe, he should stop chasing after a love that may never be fully realized. "I understand, thank you."
Just as he is about to turn away, ready to take the first steps towards letting go of his past, he feels a tug on his sleeve—a gentle reminder that some bonds are too strong to be easily broken. Turning back to face you, Jungwon is surprised when you hand him a piece of paper. Confusion flickers across his features as he accepts it, watching as you walk away with a smile.
Opening the paper, his eyes widen in surprise as he reads the number scrawled across it.
"You're cute – call me? :)"
The boldness of your gesture catches him off guard, but a warm feeling spreads through him nonetheless.
Chuckling softly to himself, Jungwon realizes just how much he has missed you. Despite the promise he made to himself to let go, he finds himself unable to resist the temptation of reconnecting with you.
After all, you in your previous life never managed to keep your promises either.
With a sigh, Jungwon inputs the number into his phone, a mix of apprehension and excitement coursing through him. Perhaps, he muses, promises aren't always meant to be kept—at least not when they stand in the way of finding happiness and connection with someone he cares about.
Sending the first text, Jungwon felt like this was bound to happen.
As if it was his expected fate.
💬 : 🥸
ENHA PERM TAGLIST (1) — @flwoie @ixomiyu @haruavrse @shinsou-rii @bearseulgs @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie @bubblytaetae @wtfhyuck @ineedaherosavemeenow @ml8dy @starikizs @wonioml @chirokookie @xiaoderrrr @neozon3nha @en-chantedtomeetyou @millksea @enhaz1 @eundiarys @hyeosi @ja4hyvn @judeduartewannabe @j-wyoung @thia-aep @vampcharxter @softpia @officiallyjaehyuns @itsactuallylina @hsheart @sweetjaemss @ahnneyong @hanienie @jwnghyuns @kpoplover718 @jiawji @rikizm @haknom @yeokii @wvnkoi @whoschr @teddywonss @shinunoga-iie-wa @isoobie @skzenhalove @misokei @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @miercerise @litttlestars @enhapocketz
#k-labels#kflixnet#k-films#en-web#enhablr#enhypen#enhypen jungwon#enhypen headcanons#enhypen scenarios#enhypen imagines#enhypen ff#enhypen x reader#enhypen x y/n#enhypen angst#enhypen fluff#enhypen fanfics#jungwon headcanons#jungwon scenarios#jungwon imagines#jungwon x reader#jungwon x y/n#jungwon ff#kpop#kpop headcanons#kpop scenarios#kpop imagines#kpop ff#kpop fic#kpop fanfic#kpop x reader
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Number 13 for marilyn please, maybe r goes to the greenhouse to ask for some help on something and sees marilyn having fun while moaning r's name
Hey there, anon! Thank you for the request and your patience. I love the idea, and I had such fun writing this little fic for you!! Hope you Enjoy ♥️
Feeling your Body ~Mommy!Marilyn Thornhill xFem Teacher!Reader
Mommy… Master List
Requests & Prompt-List
#13. “Oh. Ohhhhh.” *intensely blushes*
Warnings: NSFW, 18+!!, smut, semi-public smut, self-pleasure, fingering, teasing, pet names, mommy kink, praise kink, admittance of feelings, begging kink, degradation kink, implied future smut, implied voyeurism kink…?, implied exhibitionist kink…?, etc.
Enjoy (;
You hadn’t meant to see anything. You swear you hadn’t.
You hadn’t meant to see this new, unfiltered side of Marilyn. This dominating, slightly sadistic side of her… The side of the red head completely spread out on her chair, fingering herself and moaning your name—
You had come to the greenhouses to ask Marilyn’s advice on one of the students, Wednesday Addams. You had knocked at her door, but the woman hadn’t answered. You called out her name lightly. Nothing. You then decided to open the door, see if Marilyn was in the greenhouse at all.
But when you opened the door, you found another sight entirely…
“Oh Y/N…” the sultry voice moaned.
You gulped and stepped into the greenhouse even more. And there before you, sat Marilyn, playing with herself with your name on her tongue. But you had given away your hidden nature. The woman suddenly stopped and looked up at you, and you were completely frozen.
“Well hello Miss L/N…” Marilyn purred seductively, “How can I help you…?”
“Oh. Ohhhhh.” You stammered, intensely blushing, and finally coming back to your senses “I’m so sorry Marilyn, I-I’ll come back later…!”
“Stay, sweet girl…” the redhead purred, “Why don’t you come help me over here…?”
You gulped and nod, slowly making your way over to Marilyn. She was swift to pull you into her lap when you neared her vicinity. You yelped at the action, making the woman chuckle.
“Did you like listening to me moan your name, Y/N…? Marilyn husked teasingly, emphasizing your name.
Shivers went down your spine at her words and you blushed even harder.
“I… Y-yes…” you whispered, embarrassed and looking down to the floor.
Marilyn took you by the chin and directed your gaze back to hers. Her eyes twinkled with dark lust and she smirked with wicked intentions.
“Such a little slut…” the red head murmured, her eyes really taking the time to take up and down your body frame.
You felt her eyes wander, making you squeeze your thighs needily, which didn’t go unnoticed by the woman.
“Oh, do you need something, sweet slut…?” Marilyn taunted.
“I… N-need you… please…” you whimpered.
The redhead’s face flashed with satisfaction at your pleading. Her hand started to crawl down to your trousers, unbuttoning them, pulling them aside. Before you could plead any more, her digits ran teasingly through your folds. You bucked your hips forward in spastic pleasure.
“Oh God—!” You breathlessly groaned, “Again again please!” You begged the redhead for more contact.
“You look so pretty when you beg, sweet slut…” Marilyn purred wickedly, while quirking her head and drinking in the utter deliciousness that was you.
Her fingers ran through your folds once more, then going to circle your clit. The redhead only pulled more reactions from you, spurring her on even more. Pretty soon, Marilyn was three fingers knuckle deep inside your aching pussy, thrusting and curling away to your and her own pleasure.
“Mmmm need… wanna… cum please—!!” You desperately moaned, clinging onto the redhead for dear life as she mercilessly fucked you.
“Say my name.” Marilyn demandingly purred, “Say it and I’ll let you cum…”
“M-mar… Marilyn—!!!” You cried out.
She started going harder and deeper with her fingers, her curls becoming brutal strokes against your walls, making you see stars before you even hit your high.
“Try again…” She taunted with a smirk.
“M-m…Mommy…!!” You begged with another cry.
This answer seemed to delight the woman.
“Good slut…” Marilyn cooed, “Cum for me, Y/N…”
God, your name on her liess once more truly sent you over the edge. You collapsed in the redhead’s hold, your whole body giving up on you as Marilyn fucked you to high heaven, up, over, and down your climax. Desperate moans and cries left your lips, which you muffled by screaming into the woman’s shoulder.
Pretty soon, you were a panting mess in Marilyn’s lap. She pulled her digits out of you and licked them clean, moaning at your taste. She then met your gaze once more.
“I’ve been wanting to do that for the longest time…” Marilyn panted with the biggest smirk, and all you could do was nod in breathless agreement.
~~~
Marilyn Thornhill Masterlist
#mommy!marilyn#mommy!marilyn Thornhill#marilyn thornhill#marilyn thornhill x reader#marilyn thornhill smut#Marilyn Thornhill fanfic#marylin thornhill#christina ricci#Christina Ricci character#Christina Ricci x Reader#laurel gates#laurel gates x reader#Laurel gates smut#wednesday#wednsday addams#wednesday smut#wednesday x reader#wednesday netflix#netflix wednesday#wednesday fandom#wednesday fanfic#Wednesday fanfiction#wednesday fic#fem reader#fem!reader#female reader#female!reader#wednesday nevermore#wednesday netflix spoilers#cissyenthusiast010155 answers
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I know I missed @lewmagoo 's positivity night cut off. Which first of all, Leah thank you so much for doing one. You are wonderful, and seeing mentions in my activity and all the positivity on the dash made me grin. However, there are so many fantastic wonderful people that I feel compelled to shout out! So I wanted to make quick post about it. This fandom is so great and full of kind souls and talent there really too many to name. Here are a few though ...
@bradshawsbitch Alex, is not only an absolutely lovely human but also a fantastic writer. She also puts up with me and my nonsense at all random hours of the day. Chef Rooster in Mise En Place is a complicated dream and I really wish he was mine. Not to mention her fic songbird which is some of my favorite Rooster smut. I haven’t stopped thinking about riding roosters abs since. She also makes very pretty gifs, which have been known to send me into a tizzy.
@top-hhun They just get Jake, he is always sooo well written and interesting. The way they write him is fantastic, line of sight is a particular fav.
@callsignspark I love Elle's writing and even though I am horribly behind on reading and leaving comments, I know their Mar(r)y Me fic is phenomenal, and loved anything for you.
@theharddeck so so so many fics that I could shout out of theirs but honestly my favorite might be their Coyote series. It drove me insane, and the little details they put in their writing is next level.
@wildbornsiren I have proclaimed shelly a queen of writing threesomes and I will do it again now.
@sushiwriterhere someone else I know has written fantastic threesomes, and I really loved all the content that came out to the threesome writing challenge they did.
@libraryofantiquitea I still think about their Jake fic Tell me my name and the two follow up parts they wrote.
@say-al0e it should be illegal to make me fall more in love with Bradley Bradshaw, and yet... they always seem to manage. I love all their fics though for real.
@sugarcoated-lame I love kricket's fics! Their recent Dilf Bradley story has had me particular enamored.
@myfaveficrecs I love their fics, and I love the positivity they spread in the fandom with confession Wednesdays as well as writer spotlights.
There are so so so many fantastic creators I could go on and on and on. Genuinely I love this fandom it's one of the best I've ever been in. Which is why I still am here over a year later some how. I love you all, and if I didn't shout you out, please know I do adore you too.
#I love so many people 🥺#this is such a wonderful fandom#coley? that's not a person#coley's rambling
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do you have any bradley fic recs…
hi! yes i do! i’ll give you a couple different types (ex one shots, series, etc). this is definitely not exhaustive, but just some that were at top of mind right now! if you’re really on a bradley fic kick, i do have 55+ pages of things tagged “bradley fic” on my blog too 🤭 i’m a bradley girl through and through
hey sailor - witty, smutty goodness wrapped up in fleet week (rumor has it alexa is cooking up a follow up of shorts 💁🏼♀️)
the night moves - i’ve been loving this fic lately! it’s so different than anything i’ve read before and the attention to detail is unreal! it makes me miss living in dc! there’s some spooky elements to it, but my goddddd bradley is a dream 🤭 we’re getting a little angsty now, which j’adore!
mar[r]y me and all the associated one shots too! - i love these two! they’re so soft and sweet and there’s the perfect amount of fluff and angst and longing and smut throughout their story! mary is such a real character to me and bradley is so terribly sweet and kind (and can occasionally be a little too in his own way 🤦🏼♀️). highly recommend the entire universe!
superstar - this is a two parter, fluff and angst city. basically a you’ve got mail kind of beat? like i cry every single time i read it, it’s so good? and i had never heard this taylor swift song before reading it and now it’s such a smart aleck song to me 🫢
of all the stars in the sky - girl if you wanna lose your mind at some world building and die at wwii pilot bradley??? this one’s for you! like the attention to detail in this is amazing and there’s smut and fluff and action!? i get so nervous when a new chapter is posted, mila really ropes you in!
coming home to you - these make me BLUSH just thinking about them! the entire series is so so good and the love and trust bradley and the reader have between each other is so good! they’re also a little slutty (affectionate)!
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WAIT NO
R-A-T-Y
RATY 🧀🐀
hi, rat! thanks for the ask. i hope you're enjoying your cheese.
R - which friendship or platonic relationship is your favourite in a fandom?
I think my ultimate favourite to write (and read, actually) is Nora, Alex and June interacting. I just LOVE playing with the friendly teasing and the chaos of Alex and Nora, with the calm, rational and caring influence of June. In one of my first RWRB fics I wrote a lot of Alex and June hanging out, and I adore their sibling relationship. There's so much love and understanding and mutual respect.
A - Ships that you currently like a lot
Firstprince (Alex/Henry - RWRB), Tarlos (TK/Carlos - 911 Lone Star), Jainan/Kiem (Winter's Orbit), LoVe (Logan/Veronica - Veronica Mars), Junora (June/Nora - RWRB), Hangster (Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw/Jake "Hangman" Seresin - Top Gun Maverick).
T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?
Carlos is a cat person. I can't explain it, he just is (TK, of course, is an every animal person).
Y - What are your secondhand fandoms
Answered this one previously by saying Schitt's Creek, but I'll go out on another limb and say Heartstopper because I love it, I think it's super cute, but I just don't have the hardcore obsession to write for it, you know? Need those hyperfixation vibes.
(send me an alphabet ask)
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shameless back again to ask about a playlist for Mar[r]y Me Bradley ❤️
oh, mar[r]y me bradley, yearning king 👑
would that i by hozier
feels like by gracie abrams
right side of my neck by faye webster
uuu by field medic
if you love her by forest blakk
real love baby by father john misty
send me a word or phrase and a character, i’ll make a mini playlist for you or your fic 🫶🏻
#i hope you like 🥺#(sorry i started listening to the songs to make sure everything worked)#answered asks#playlists
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Sending you a care package and a big hug in the form of fluffy fics! 💌➡️📬 I hope you feel better soon and I’m so sorry that you had a rough night!
Fluffy fics:
@callsignspark Mar[r]y Me Series
https://www.tumblr.com/callsignspark/721242040037441536/marry-me-masterlist
@gretagerwigsmuse skyrockets in flight, afternoon delight
https://www.tumblr.com/gretagerwigsmuse/695886067240517632/skyrockets-in-flight-afternoon-delight
@laracrofted delicate
https://www.tumblr.com/bradshawburner/708844659284295680/so-soft-so-lovely-seriously-youll-go-through
@roosterbruiser American Girl
https://www.tumblr.com/bradshawburner/721933326119747584/oh-i-am-too-delicate-for-this-soft-dadley-my
@katsu28 return to sender
https://www.tumblr.com/bradshawburner/706087644782821376/right-so-thats-not-actually-what-i-came-over
@familyvideostevie Let’s get it on (someday)/ and / tough luck
https://www.tumblr.com/bradshawburner/708846836179419136/oh-my-goodness-im-swooooning-i-love-a-meet
https://www.tumblr.com/bradshawburner/705852388057153537
@dameronscopilot savor
https://www.tumblr.com/bradshawburner/708297176194908160/oof-this-was-so-wonderfully-detailed-and
@thatlovinfeelin the way home
https://www.tumblr.com/bradshawburner/708076109256916992/im-obsessed-all-the-fluffy-feels
@gennyanydots the third amendment
https://www.tumblr.com/bradshawburner/703416795928887296
@witchwyfe care for you
https://www.tumblr.com/bradshawburner/703234685165273088/i-pairing-bradley-rooster-bradshaw-x-female
I’ll drop a couple of my own too because I’ve got you! 💖
https://www.tumblr.com/sometimesanalice/707559377066967040/like-i-can-part-1
https://www.tumblr.com/sometimesanalice/704381729923809280/oh-christmas-tree
Oh and this pic for good measure!
Alexa 🥰
Thank you so much for all the fluffy fics you sent me. I will slowly be working my way through these today 🩷
If only he would look at me like that… then my day would be so much better
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Absolute Zero || reader x JHS
Pairing: reader x JHS (kinda sorta not really? you’ll see); feat. Yoongi, Jin, JK, and Taehyung (very briefly)
Word count: 5.5k
Rating: rated M / R
Genre: angst, smut (if you squint), breakup au
Summary: Everyone thinks he’s crazy for still being hung up on you after this long, but he can’t stop thinking about the one who got away, spending his nights writing letters he’ll never send and words you’ll never read. Inspired by Talking to the Moon - Bruno Mars.
Warnings: very angsty; you might cry a lil bit, strong language probably, implied smut/sexual content, alcohol consumption.
A/N: hellooooo I am very excited to share my first fic with you! I love this one so much, like really, so much. It’s one of my favorites and idk if you can tell but I’m really proud of this one. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing, and let me tell you, I really enjoyed writing it. tell me your thoughts in the notes; I'd love to hear em! please be gentle though T_T shoutout to my bestest pal and actual sister @onmypillow-onmytable for this excellent banner and for beta-reading! Thx! ly - robyn
P.S. I do not own BTS or their likenesses, nor do I own the music of Bruno Mars, lol, they simply inspire me.
part of the Hooligans collection
inspo playlist here
absolute zero: the lowest temperature that is theoretically possible, at which the motion of particles that constitutes heat would be minimal.
Dear y/n,
I keep asking myself why you left, and nothing I can come up with makes any sense. All I ever did was love you, y/n. What about that was so wrong? I know it wasn’t part of the agreement we had, but I never planned it this way. I couldn’t help my feelings. You have to understand that, y/n. I never wanted to push you away. I wanted to keep you close, and I couldn’t even do that.
I can’t stop myself from thinking about you every day. Wondering where you are. Where you went. What you’re doing. Your number doesn’t work. Your email’s been deactivated. It’s almost as if you’ve dropped off the face of the planet, y/n. Is that where you are? Outer space? You might as well be, as far as I know. I hope you’re doing all right, wherever you are. I don’t think I could live knowing something terrible happened to you. Maybe not knowing anything is better. Take care of yourself, y/n. Until we meet again.
Love always,
Hoseok
Hoseok blinks awake, startled out of a fitful sleep by some unconscious sensation of falling in a dream, stopping suddenly before he can hit the ground. They say dreams where you’re falling always stop before you can hit the ground, something about how if you die in a dream you die in real life too. He wishes the dream wouldn’t have stopped, wondering what it feels like to slam into hard ground, to shatter into a million little pieces, not knowing if someone will come along to sweep him up into a dustpan and piece him back together. He’s not familiar with the sensation. He only knows falling, perpetually, waiting in suspended animation, never reaching the ground. He reaches out a hand, only to find the spot next to him desolate and empty, illuminated in cold, bluish moonlight. The memories come rushing back to him all at once: the same vacant space where you used to sleep, of waking up alone, the same harsh moonlight spotlighting his solitude, a pale white envelope on the pillow next to him. His name, written on the outside in your delicate hand.
Hoseok, you wrote,
I know about the ring, and I guess I can’t say I’m surprised. You never even had to say it. It’s written all over your face every time I look at you: you love me. And you want to marry me. The wedding, the kids, the happily ever after, you want it all. You want too much from me, Hoseok, and I can’t give it to you. Our arrangement was simple: no feelings, no strings, no expectations. It was never supposed to go this far. I let my guard down too much, and I've already let you have too much of me. It was cruel of me to do that. I should have turned you down from the moment you asked me to dance because I knew in my heart I was only ever going to break yours: your sweet, gentle, loving heart. That moment, when you smiled at me and told me your name - that was it. I couldn’t stop myself. I couldn’t hold myself back.
I know it makes me a coward to do this while you’re asleep, but I can’t bear to see your face when I tell you I’m leaving, Hoseok. Consider this my first and last act of love. Please don’t come looking for me, because you won’t be able to find me. We won't meet again. You’re a good man, and you deserve someone who wants the same things as you, someone who can make you happy. That can never be me, and I’m sorry. I hope you find her one day. She'll be a lucky girl, whoever she is, to have landed a man like you. Treat her well. I know you will. I hope she does the same for you.
Do you know what the saddest part of this is? I think I really could love you someday.
Sweet dreams, Hobi.
-Y/n
He drags himself to his feet and crosses the room to the dresser, where he pulls out a small black velvet box and flicks it open. The platinum-diamond setting, costing a little more than three months’ worth of his paycheck, glitters in the moonlight with an unearthly sort of beauty. He’d never even gotten the chance to give it to you, only ever showing it to his best friend after he’d bought it. “Do you think she’ll like it?” he’d asked.
“Well, I mean, I’d say yes if you proposed to me with this,” Yoongi had said. “But…are you sure about this? Didn’t she tell you she didn’t want any hangups?”
Hoseok closes the box with a snap and drops it back into the drawer. He hasn’t been able to bring himself to get rid of it, thinking somehow he might need it again when you finally return. He heads out onto the balcony, pen and paper in tow. The air is quiet, the world below still tucked under the dark covers of somewhere just after midnight, when the full moon is at its brightest.
Dear y/n,
It’s a full moon tonight. I never thought about them before I met you, they were all just something that happened in the background. You always reminded me when they were supposed to happen, and you told me they all meant something different depending on the month. I think it was the cold moon when you left. It’s May now, that’s the flower moon. It doesn't really matter anyway. Every full moon feels cold to me now. It’s stuff like that I can’t forget, you and the names of those moons. Can you see the moon from where you are? Is your moon the same as mine? Nights like these are when I miss you the most, y/n, when the full moon rises and you’re not here in my arms. It’s starting to get warmer now, but everything still feels cold without you. You said you thought you could love me one day, y/n. Why didn’t you stay and find out? I just can’t wrap my head around it. I have all of these questions and I don't know if I'll ever find answers. I wish you had stayed, at least long enough to explain it to me.
Take care of yourself, y/n. Until we meet again.
Love always,
Hoseok
He meets up with his best friend for lunch the next day, though he doesn’t do much except pick at his food. Yoongi watches him intently, eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Aish, just leave it if you’re not going to eat it,” he says, frowning.
Hoseok sets down his chopsticks and shifts his gaze to stare out the window. Food doesn’t hold much appeal for him anymore, not since you left. Nothing does, really.
“What do you think about going on a blind date?” says Yoongi. “I was talking to one of the waitresses at that new club I was spinning at last week. She’s pretty, seems nice. Seems like you two have a lot in common. I think you might hit it off. I’ll give her your number if you want, next time I’m over there.”
The idea of meeting someone new is almost too much to consider. How could he even think about going out with someone else when you might come back any day now? Hoseok shakes his head. “No,” he says. “Thanks, but…I can’t right now.”
Yoongi sighs and goes silent for a moment. “It’s been six months since she left. You can’t go on like this forever. It’s delusional."
He shrugs, smiling sadly. “Not yet.”
His mother is there when he gets home, the only person other than you and his best friend who knows his apartment code. She comes by almost every other weekend to fill up his refrigerator with leftovers and side dishes, fearing he doesn’t know how to eat properly when she’s not there to cook for him. She doesn't like any of it: that he lives alone, that she can't always be there to look after him, that he took a job here after college instead of moving back home. “Hoseok, I was noticing…” she starts, after they’ve greeted each other. “These are the same dishes I brought you last time. You haven’t eaten them yet?” She gestures at the dishes on the top shelf of the fridge.
“No,” he says. “Just haven’t gotten to them, that’s all.” He doesn’t like to worry her. How could he say that not even her cooking does anything for his lack of appetite? She wouldn’t understand. She never even knew you existed. All she knows is that she has a son who won’t eat her cooking.
"But you’re so thin. Are you sure you're eating properly?" His mother reaches up to touch his face, pinching his cheek. "You look like you’re wasting away.”
“Of course I have,” he deflects. “I’m fine.”
She eyes him skeptically. “Really? You seem so depressed these days. And you won’t tell me what’s going on. I’m worried about you. You’re not overworking yourself, are you? You look exhausted.” His mother pauses, biting her lip. “Why don’t you come home for a bit and let me take care of you? I’m sure your father would like to see you too. It must be tiring, living in the city all by yourself. Some time in the country would be good for you.”
“Everything is fine,” he reassures her, though he’d like nothing more than to spend a week or two at home in Gwangju, where there’s nothing to remind him of you. “There’s a big project at work, and the client’s being difficult, so things are just…kind of rough right now. But I’ll get through it.” It’s surprising how easily the lie makes its way out of his mouth. “I’ll come home soon. I promise.”
She still looks dubious, but she goes to depart regardless, making Hoseok swear he’ll have empty dishes ready for her to take back the next time she comes. He watches her leave, longing to fall into her arms and explain everything. There was a girl. I loved her. I only wanted to make her happy. But she left me, and I can’t understand why. It hurts. It hurts so much. Nothing feels right without her. Tell me it gets easier, Mom. Tell me one day it won’t hurt as much. Would she understand? No, she wouldn’t. No one could ever understand.
Dear y/n,
My mother came by today to bring me food. I’ve told her a thousand times I’m an adult and I can take care of myself, but I don’t think she’ll ever get over wanting to feed me all the time. She’s worried about me. I think she thinks I might be losing it. She wanted me to come home for a while, out in the country. That would be good, wouldn’t it, y/n? I always wanted to bring you there sometime, to show you where I grew up. Gwangju is nice. You would have liked it there. I would have taken you there someday, introduced you to my friends and family back home. I wish you would have let me introduce you to my parents. My sister, too. They would have liked you if they’d ever gotten a chance to meet you. We were always so secretive, y/n. They never even knew we were together.
Yoongi says I’m just deluding myself, that you’re not coming back. Everyone else says the same thing too: Jin, Taehyung, Jungkook, all of them. But I can’t make myself accept that. What does someone like Jungkook know about love, anyway? He’s practically a baby. He’s probably never even been in love before. Y/n, sometimes I wonder if you can hear me as I’m writing these letters. Are you out there somewhere, listening to me? Are you out there talking to me too? Are we still connected somehow? I’d like to think we are. That’d be nice. Better than the alternative.
Take care of yourself, y/n. Until we meet again.
Love always,
Hoseok
Hoseok can't remember how long he's been here, or how long he's been drinking. He's lost count of which drink he's on. He's not even quite sure where he is, though he knows it’s a bar of some type. Sounds and voices swirl around him, fading in and out, muffled, rippling, as if he’s deep underwater. He squints at the barstool next to him, thinking, if he focuses hard enough, that he can see your figure next to him, leaning against the bar, in the dress you were wearing when he first saw you. He remembers that night, far more clearly than he should. Seeing you across the crowded dance floor. Only introducing himself because his friends had dared him to, saying how far out of his league you had to be. Your smile, something sad behind it, even then. Back up against the wall as he fumbled with the door to his apartment, struggling to keep your hands off each other, the two of you stumbling down the hall in the dark leaving a trail of clothes in your wake, shoes kicked off, that dress abandoned somewhere in the living room, his jacket slung haphazardly over a chair, until you finally made it to the bed, fully exposed, your bare skin practically iridescent in the light of the full moon, beckoning him closer. Losing himself in you, in your body. Passionate moans and breathy sighs. Your breath on his ear, whispering his name, your voice sending shivers down his spine. Waking up the next morning with you curled into his arms, head resting against his chest, as if you were always meant to be there. Your hair, your eyes, your smudged makeup from the night before, everything about you - perfect. He's gone back to that night a thousand times, relived those moments over and over in his mind, wishing with everything in him that he could go back in time to keep himself from ever seeing you, from ever daring to speak to you. To satisfy the part of him that wishes he had never met you, and to hell with the part of him that never regretted a single moment.
As soon as he reaches out to touch you, your image evaporates, dissipating like a reflection on smooth water. “Y/n,” he mumbles. “Where did you go?” He rests one cheek against the cool surface of the bar, lulled by the warm feeling of the alcohol and the swishing sound thumping in his ears. I don’t want to be alone, he thinks. Please don’t leave me alone. A warm, comforting black blanket sweeps over him, blocking out the sound and light from around him.
He becomes aware of reality again when he notices the feeling of someone shaking his arm. “Hey,” sounds a voice in his ear. “Hey you, wake up.” He slowly comes to, sitting up and looking around. The bartender who’s been serving him all night is leaning on the counter, arms crossed. Her face is a mixture of resigned annoyance, as if she’s had to deal with this one too many times. “It’s last call,” she says. “We’re closing. You want to close your tab, or what?”
“Go ahead,” he says, sitting up and dropping the side of his face into his palm. She walks off and returns moments later, sliding a receipt across the counter to him.
“Are you going to be all right to get home?” she asks. “Do you want me to get you a cab? Or is there someone I can call for you?”
Y/n, he thinks. “No,” says Hoseok. “Don't worry about it. I'll be fine.” He stands up and immediately stumbles.
“Okay, you’re not going anywhere,” says another voice, one that sounds familiar. Yoongi pulls Hoseok’s arm over his shoulders and steadies him. “Come on, I’ve got you.”
“Yoongi?” he slurs. “What are you doing here?”
“You drunk-dialed me, remember?” says Yoongi dryly. “Well, no, I don't guess you'd remember. That was a while ago. I thought you'd have gotten home by now.”
He doesn’t say anything, allowing Yoongi to drag him along.
“You really gotta stop doing this,” Yoongi grumbles.
“What, drinking alone?” Hoseok chuckles goofily, reaching out his index finger to poke Yoongi in the cheek.
“No,” Yoongi says, slapping his hand away. “Whatever this is. Beating yourself up over every little thing. Drinking until you pass out. I’m your best friend, Hob-ah. You know I’ll be there whenever I can, but I can’t always be there to drag your sorry ass back home. I have my own life too. The one time I don't pick up my phone you’re going to get so pissed drunk you’ll wander out into the middle of the street and get yourself hit by a bus or something, and you won’t even notice.”
“You worry too much,” mutters Hoseok. “You should get together with my mom.”
Yoongi sighs and doesn’t say anything else until they’re home, releasing Hoseok to fall onto the couch. “Probably fucked up my shoulder even more just dragging you home,” he complains. “Fuck, I can’t deal with this anymore. I don’t know how you can either. She’s gone. Not coming back. It’s the truth. You need to accept that. The sooner you do the sooner we can all get on with our lives. You'll never be able to move on if you're just sitting here wallowing in the past and what might've been.”
“I can’t,” he mumbles. “It hurts too much. If she'd given me a chance—”
“What? You could have changed her mind? Gotten her to stay?” Yoongi sits down on the ottoman across from him. “Hobi, I hate to break it to you, but you couldn’t have stopped her from leaving any more than I could have. She knew what she wanted. You knew, too, and you still let yourself fall for her. She was always going to leave because you were always going to let your heart get involved. That’s just the kind of person you are. It wasn't a matter of if, it was just a matter of when. You were never cut out for that kind of relationship, and I don’t know why you insisted on pretending like you were. You wouldn’t have been happy with that kind of arrangement in the long run, and if you think I’m wrong you’re just lying to yourself.”
He lets that sink in. Yoongi is wrong - he’s sure of it. He would have been happy. You could’ve been, too. Things could have changed - he could have made you happy. “Get out,” says Hoseok, rubbing his eyes. “Just…leave me alone. Please.”
Yoongi stands up. “Fine. Get some sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He lets himself out, allowing the door to slam behind him.
The room suddenly feels unbearably small and stuffy, and deafeningly silent now that he's alone again. He stumbles his way over and out to the balcony, gasping slightly as the cool evening breeze lands on his flushed cheeks. The moon is in a different phase now, waning from the full in preparation for the new. Even so, the stars seem somehow brighter tonight. He stares up, transfixed by the sky, every star where it’s supposed to be. Every star except you, the one that’s supposed to be right next to him. He allows himself to get lost in the starfield, hoping to find some indicator that you're still out there, that you've simply fallen out of orbit and gotten lost somewhere out in space, just like he is now, drifting through, waiting for someone to reach out and grab your hand and pull you back toward them.
That's the last thing he remembers when he comes to the next morning, early, as the sun is making its way into the sky again, sitting upright in one of the chairs he leaves on the balcony. His neck is stiff, his back is sore, his head is pounding angrily, and his search for you in deep space was once again unsuccessful. He hears the sound of birds, of the early morning buses, feels the sunlight on his face, smells the scent of a spring morning in Seoul. All of it only serves as a reminder that he's here, alone, without you. You're not lost in space. You're not here. You're not anywhere. You're somewhere far away, beyond his reach or anyone else's. You're not his anymore.
Maybe you never were.
Dear y/n,
You said you couldn’t be the one to make me happy. If that’s the truth, then why do I feel so empty without you? Why does the world feel so cold when you’re not here? I was happy with you, y/n. You didn’t even have to try to make me happy. As long as you were there, I was happy. That’s why I wanted to marry you. To have you by my side for the rest of my life was all I ever wanted. It would have been enough just to wake up next to you every morning, to hold you close, to look into your eyes and see you when you’re groggy and half-asleep. For you to be the one I came home to every night, to be the only one I’d ever be with. If I could have had that, I would have been happy for the rest of my life.
But maybe you were right. Maybe I was asking too much. Maybe I wanted too much. You weren’t ready. I know that now. But y/n, I would have waited forever if you asked me to. I could have been patient. We would have figured it out together. I know I could have made you happy too, if you’d only given me a chance. Since you cut me loose, I’m just drifting around, lost in space. I’ve tried to forget you. It's been six months. By all logic I should have already forgotten you and moved on by now. But I can’t. I tried to drink you away, but I couldn't. It only made your face clearer in my mind. I still see you everywhere I go. What am I supposed to do now, y/n? When my heart still aches for you, even though you’re the one who broke it? When all the alcohol in the world couldn't even make me forget you? What am I supposed to do now? I don’t just miss you, y/n, I need you. I hate you, but I still need you. What sense does that make?
I'm sorry. My head is pounding. I'm going to bed now.
Hoseok
He’s preparing for another night in when there’s a sudden pounding at his door. Half expecting you, or god forbid, Yoongi, he opens it, finding Jin and Jungkook outside instead, and he can’t help but feel a tad disappointed, though admittedly his friends are a welcome sight. He can barely remember the last time he even saw Jin or Jungkook or any of them other than Yoongi, to be honest.
“See, I told you he was in there,” says Jin cheerfully, shooting Jungkook a sideways glance. “He barely goes anywhere these days. And he always opens the door when he knows it’s me. Isn’t that right, Hobi?” He pushes his way past him, clapping Hoseok good-naturedly on the shoulder.
“What do you guys want?” he says, following them into the kitchen. Jungkook is perched on one of the barstools while Jin leans against the counter.
“Yah! Who says we’re here because we want something?” demands Jin indignantly. “The restaurant gave me the night off for once so we’re going out. We wanted to stop by and say hello, that’s all. Can’t we say hello to our friend that we haven’t seen in a while?”
“Hi,” says Hoseok. “So where are you headed?”
“We’re meeting Taehyungie at that club downtown,” replies Jungkook. “That new one Yoongi-hyung keeps talking about. We thought we'd finally go check it out.”
“Oh.” He hasn’t been out to a club since before you left. “Have fun then, I guess.”
“Well, if you’re not doing anything…” Jin says, looking at Hoseok pointedly.
“Yeah!” Jungkook’s face brightens noticeably. “Come out with us, hyung. Please?” With his big, earnest doe eyes, he looks so innocent that if it weren’t for his muscled arms no one would ever believe he was a professional MMA fighter. “We haven’t gone out together in ages.”
“Yeah, Hobi, come with us,” pipes Jin. “We never see you. You don’t go out anymore. And you’ve been so down ever since…” He hesitates when he sees Hoseok’s face. “Well, all I’m saying is that you deserve to have some fun. Live a little. You know?” He sidles up next to him, nudging him gently with his elbow. “Come on, let’s do something together. You used to love going out. Things haven’t been the same without you. And you know Kookie will desert me the second he gets a better offer anyway, like he always does. You should come. Keep me and Tae company.”
“I don’t do that every time!” protests Jungkook.
"Almost every time," retorts Jin. He turns back to him. “Please? We miss you, Hobi. Not just because you don’t go out anymore, but the way you used to be. You’re so mopey these days. I don’t think I’ve seen you smile in months. Yoongi says you’ve been drinking by yourself a lot lately, too. If you’re going to drink tonight, why don’t you do it with us instead of sitting here drinking by yourself? We’re a lot more fun than you are right now. I guarantee it.”
It’s true, it has been a long time since he’s gone out, or even spent any time with his friends. He used to like going out on the weekends, drinking for fun, not to forget. He's not sure he remembers how to do that anymore. “I don't know," he says, looking down. “I probably won't be much fun. You'd be better off going without me.”
"All the more reason you should come," Jin says. “You're just out of practice, that's all. You won't be any fun if you don't at least try." He drops a hand on his shoulder. "So what do you say?"
Hoseok ponders this for a moment. Is it too soon? Are his friends right? Does he deserve to have fun? Should he just do as Yoongi says and get on with his life?
"Yeah," he says finally. "Why not? I'II come.”
The club is louder than he remembers: almost too loud. He finds himself wishing partly that he'd stayed home where it's quiet, the drinks are already paid for, and he can hear himself think. Although, the other part of him thinks that maybe it's a good thing he can't hear himself think, and he wonders why he didn't try this sooner. Maybe he would have forgotten you before now if he had. Taehyung has already paired himself off with a woman who looks like she belongs on a runway, and the ever-charming Jin is surrounded by a clump of girls – and guys – in another corner of the dancefloor. Jungkook has disappeared too, although to where he’s not sure. So much for doing something together. He sighs and keeps his spot by the bar.
Someone approaches, a girl in a tight black dress and stiletto heels, her face framed in S-curls. “Hi there,” she says “You look lonely.” She smiles invitingly. “I can keep you company, if you like.” She’s pretty, like a member of one of those idol girl groups. She looks nothing like you - her eyes don’t have that same sadness that always seemed to be behind yours, and her smile seems genuine, whereas yours always seemed a little feigned. Her dress is far shorter than you ever would have dared to wear yours, just barely covering the tops of her thighs.
He hesitates for a moment, before saying, “Sure.”
She takes the seat next to him. “My name’s Jihyo,” she says. “Yours?”
He downs the last of his drink. “Hoseok.”
Jihyo leans in, and he can’t help but glance down at her chest, her arm pressing her breasts upwards. She’s hitting on him; that’s obvious enough. “You’re cute, oppa. But why do you look so sad?”
The question catches him off-guard. “What?”
“Let me guess,” she says. “You just got out of a relationship, didn’t you?”
Was it ever really a relationship? Or was it just an arrangement? “Something like that,” he says finally.
“Me too,” she says. “About a week ago.”
“I never would have guessed,” he says, and he wouldn’t have, not with the way she’s acting.
“I’m a good actress.” Jihyo grins. “Besides, he was all wrong for me. I’m over it - mostly.” She looks him directly in the eye. “What about you, oppa? Are you over her?”
She’s bold. He’ll give her that. “No,” he says. “Not in the slightest.”
“Do you want some help with that?” Jihyo smiles mysteriously. “People say I’m very… therapeutic.”
He knows exactly what she’s asking. “Your place or mine?” he says automatically, before he knows what he’s doing.
“Yours is fine,” she says. “I have roommates. You live alone, right?”
He doesn’t even want to know how she figured that out.
Jihyo is gone by the time he wakes up the next morning, leaving not even a single trace of herself behind, other than a scrap of paper she’s left with an almost indecipherable scribbled phone number. He realizes, as the sunlight is creeping into his room, that this is the first morning he hasn’t automatically thought of you the moment he woke up. The first morning where the light of day isn’t as painful as it was the day before. He has to hold himself back from immediately entering her number into his phone to tell her good morning, to ask her if she got home all right, that he would have given her cab fare if she’d asked. In all likelihood he’ll probably never see Jihyo again. So none of that really matters now, does it?
Jin: Yah! Where did you run off to last night without telling us? You’re as bad as Jungkookie now!
Hoseok: Me? What about you? You deserted me first. Whatever. I had fun at least. Let’s do something again the next time you’re free.
Jin: Yeah! Let’s do it!
He tries it again the next night, bringing home another girl, with another short dress and a different name. This one wants to hang around and talk in the morning, instead of vanishing silently while he’s asleep like Jihyo. He wishes she wouldn’t, that she’d quietly get her things and be on her way out. He’s relieved when she’s finally gone. She talks too much, which is good in bed but nowhere else.
It gets easier, eventually. Every morning, he notices, becomes a little less painful. He’s finally figured it out, he thinks. The answer to the question of what to do to forget you. A different woman for every night you’re gone, from here on out, until the day comes where it doesn’t hurt so much to face the truth, that you’re gone and never coming back. Where he doesn’t automatically wonder where you are or what you’re doing, or whether you still think about him. He stops writing you letters eventually too, tucking the sealed envelopes into a shoebox, along with the tiny velvet box he never found it in himself to get rid of, and all the other little things that remind him of you. The shoebox makes its way onto the top shelf of his closet, where it won’t be thought of again for a long time. The next time his mother comes into the city he sends her back home with empty dishes, having finished off every leftover. He finds himself smiling again, now that you’re not constantly on his mind anymore. He feels lighter. Like he could be happy again without you.
It’s true, dwelling on the past will only hold you back. The only way out is forward. Yoongi was right about that, at least. But in the end, it was you who taught him the most valuable lessons: to keep things short and sweet, to stay detached, to keep your heart closely guarded. He knows this now. Everything that ever reminded him of you is gone, but the scars on his heart will always be there, a silent reminder of a mistake he’ll never make again. Falling for someone, allowing them to hold your heart in their hands, even for only a brief moment - only ever ends in heartbreak. Hearts are fragile, slippery things, and they’ll always end up sliding out of your hands, fracturing into a million little pieces, too small and too delicate to be put back together.
©2022 by mrworldwideshoulders
#bts#bts fanfiction#jung hoseok#reader x hoseok#bts angst#bts smut#jung hoseok x reader#hoseok angst#hoseok smut#jhope x reader#jhope smut#jhope angst#kpop fanfic#bts au#hoseok fanfic#bts x reader#jhope#mrworldwideshoulders#doo wops and hooligans#talking to the moon#bruno mars
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Mar[r]y Me masterlist
ongoing series
pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Mariella “M&M” Vertucci (fem!OC)
summary: A love story told through friendship, laughter, and food. Part of the Dagger, Sword & Shield universe.
warnings: 18+ minors DNI, discussion of insecurities, difficult family relationships, discussions of food and alcohol use, mentions of emotionally abusive ex-bf, mentions of pregnancy and giving birth, discussions of body image, conversations on what it’s like to be a fat woman trying to date in today’s society, eventual smut, warnings to be added - check individual chapter warnings for more details
part one | indecision cookies | recipe
part two | strawberry shortcake | recipe
part three | banana bread | recipe
part 3.5 | Panera Bread
part four | the perfect post-beach meal | recipe
part five | buffalo chicken dip | recipe
part six | pancakes | recipe
part 6.5 | drip coffee, sweet and light
part seven | pasta e piscelli | recipe
part eight | peanut butter bites | recipe
part 8.5 | McDonald’s apple pie
part 8.5.1 | snacks and SPF
part 8.5.2 | rambling and rings
part nine | roasted potatoes - coming soon
part ten | lemon coconut cake
part eleven | patriotic punch
part twelve | coffee cake muffins
one-shots
the ninth of January (smut, 18+)
Romeo, oh Romeo
surprise?
you'll be in my heart
your lap is my safe place - part i
your lap is my safe place - part ii (smut, 18+)
we’re having a baby, my baby and me
It’s Admiral Bradshaw
this has really been a good one
the life that could have been
White Christmas
If you’d like to be tagged in future parts please send an ask!
total word count: 65.7k | last updated: January 8, 2024
fic tag | main masterlist | credit for dividers here
#top gun maverick fic#top gun maverick au#top gun maverick imagine#top gun fic#top gun au#top gun imagine#bradley rooster bradshaw fic#bradley bradshaw imagine#bradley bradshaw fic#bradley rooster bradshaw x oc#bradley bradshaw x oc#rooster imagine#DSS universe#MM fic#css masterlist#mar[r]y me fic#elle writes
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J'ai publié 3 912 fois en 2022
304 billets créés (8%)
3 608 billets reblogués (92%)
Les blogs que j'ai le plus reblogués :
@nooowestayandgetcaught
@garnetrena
@tasha-lemon
@queerofthedagger
@whetstonefires
J'ai étiqueté 3 907 billets en 2022
#eurovision - 331 billets
#esc - 305 billets
#eurovision 2022 - 298 billets
#batfam - 258 billets
#esc 2022 - 191 billets
#merlin - 167 billets
#merthur - 166 billets
#rapha talks - 149 billets
#doctor who - 141 billets
#star wars - 134 billets
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#and the beauty in these endings is that they’re not. your dad doesn’t put you on his shoulders anymore but he puts everything aside to pick
Mes billets vedette en 2022 :
n°5
That jeweler seeing Kate and Anthony in the same room : YEAAAAH, I don't think I need to see more, the ring obviously is going to go on her finger, not the other girl. Duh. Is everyone else seeing that? No? Just me? Ok then. I'll just. Ship them on the side. Proceed with your drama.
77 notes - publié le 29 mars 2022
n°4
Just watched Everything Everywhere All At Once, and hey, I was not expecting to start crying and experience all the feelings at the same time.
This film is hilariously silly, absurdly emotional and intensely smart.
THIS is how you do multiverse jumping, family feels, comedy, drama and action. This film has everything and it does it perfectly well.
I'm gonna need a minute to recover.
87 notes - publié le 16 août 2022
n°3
Made the mistake of going into my tags and selecting only the "Love" and "Pining" tags to see what'd come up, and now I'm feeling very yearning and Merthur-y because of bloody course most of my love and pining works are Merthur.
Gah. I'll be 90 and grey and semi-senile and I'll still be ranting about these two.
114 notes - publié le 15 août 2022
n°2
Me two years ago:
Ryan and Shane now in 2022: doing shows DIRECTLY on Tumblr.
Oooooh, this is going to be exciting!
118 notes - publié le 19 octobre 2022
Mon billet n°1 en 2022
do you have any merthur fic recommendations that have happy endings?
Do I ever ! Strap on, I've got quite the list.
Tagged Angst With A Happy Ending :
Take A Letter, Merlin by Caledonia/@iamcaledonia (7870 words, Modern Era)
Arthur is an emotionally repressed workaholic who is unhappily married. Merlin is his loyal and competent personal assistant. One Monday, Merlin comes to work to find that, over the weekend, Arthur has dictated a letter for Merlin that is about to change both of their lives.
A song fic inspired by the 1969 classic, 'Take A Letter, Maria' by R. B. Greaves.
Kiss Today Goodbye, by Cithara/@citharaposts (5337 words, Canon Era, Divergence from s02e13)
When Arthur regains consciousness in time to hear Merlin confront the dragon, his world is turned on its head by the revelations that follow.
Turning the Page, by @schweetheart and @queerofthedagger (19050 words, Canon Divergence, Epistolary)
Without intending to, Arthur pushes Merlin just one step too far. Now he's left without his manservant but a hundred questions, a world of hurt, and guilt that clings to him like a shadow. Well, and a notebook filled with drawings because apparently, Merlin can draw on top of being a sorcerer. No matter how often Arthur tells himself that he just wants to forget, he can't help but come back to the collection of sketches and notes, a chronicle of all that Merlin has done.
Maybe their story isn't quite over yet.
The Knights of the Table, by DrJackAndMissJo/@drjackandmissjo (9198 words, Modern Era, Food Critic and Chef AU)
'Can you even believe this guy?" Gwaine asked, offended and almost breathless as he popped himself on Percival’s counter.
There was no need for any of the other men to ask who he was talking about. Everyone knew about the devilish creature that wrote the restaurant and food reviews on Camelot Weekly.
“What makes you even think it’s a guy?” asked Lance as he took the newspaper from the Irish man, “I’m pretty sure that it is a demon sent straight from hell to torture all of us!”
Tagged Happy Ending :
Hope On A Tuesday Afternoon, by arsenicandsunshine (8985 words, Modern Era, Housemates, Idiots in Love, Getting Together)
Arthur likes his life. Why wouldn't he? Nice flat, all to himself, stable job. Friends. Yep, he's set all right.
Or, he is until he ends up with an unexpected flatmate. Merlin certainly does have a knack for turning Arthur's life upside down.
a long, long day, by @oncefutureemrys (1237 words, Canon Era, Secret Relationship, baths and massages)
Merlin was beyond tired of it all. He just wanted one moment where… it could be just him. Just him and Arthur, just the two of them, without the rest of the world interfering. But alas, Merlin was no normal person and neither was Arthur, and the chances of them having a regular day were almost as likely as Uther deciding to stop hating magic. So, he walked into Arthur’s room, ready for more late night chores, a slight slump in his posture. To anyone else, it would seem as if he was perfectly fine, usual Merlin just slightly tired from a long day’s work. But Merlin knew it was a bit more than that. And so did Arthur, apparently, because when he stumbled in, he found the idiot sitting casually behind his desk, an air of amusement and playfulness surrounding him, a teasing grin forming on his stupid, stupid (handsome) face. Or: Merlin's had a long day, so Arthur takes care of him.
Suffering in Silence, by TheCourtSorcerer/@tcs-main (3205 words, Canon Divergence, Sir Leon-The-Long-Suffering, POV Leon)
He couldn’t take it anymore.
He had to say something. He couldn���t keep silent anymore.
Day in, day out…
The constant borderline scandalous looks, the barely concealed innuendos, the incredibly unsubtle touches, all of it!
He was going to lose his mind.
How could two people be so blind?!
So, that’s what led him to the tavern that night, across from Gwaine, a hint of regret tugging at his mind that he steadfastly ignored.
“Okay… How do we get them together?”
Secrets & Lies, by LiGi/@little-ligi (13333 words, Canon Era, Divergence, Arthur Finds Out, Protective Arthur, Friends to Lovers)
Arthur had finally put his finger on it.
The thing that had made Merlin stand out, the thing that had intrigued him about the boy ever since the first time he’d met him. The thing that was going to get him killed… Merlin had magic. Not only had it, but used it freely all the bloody time. It was only a matter of time before someone saw him do it, and then they’d report him to the king and Merlin would be dragged out into the courtyard and executed.
Well, not if Arthur had anything to do about it.
Mid series one, Arthur, for once not being totally oblivious, discovers that Merlin has magic. The problem is, having magic gets people killed and Arthur very much prefers Merlin alive. It turns out making sure nobody sees Merlin do magic is rather a full-time job however...
A Universe Which Freely Gives, by @psychotic-fangirl369 (26455 words, Post Canon, Reincarnation, Arthur Returns, Getting Together)
Arthur returns… but because of a series of unlikely events (and perhaps a bit of morose dragging of feet because he can't bring himself to believe the signals), Merlin misses the boat. By the time he makes it to the lake, signs of Arthur abound but Arthur is nowhere to be found. Magical tracking being less reliable than one might think, when Merlin finally does manage to find him Arthur is bizarrely well-adjusted, living in a flatshare in London with roommates who think he's batty but mostly harmless, and working an improbable job. Enter: Merlin, who Arthur absolutely is not expecting to still be alive.
So Where Are My Flowers?, by @tehfanglyfish (1365 words, Canon Era, Pining, Flowers, Magic Reveal)
A question asked as a joke leads to years of fresh flowers waiting for Arthur each morning until the one day he almost screws things up.
Balancing the Scale, by sunsetmoonrise (20528 words, 5+1, Canon Era Divergence, Slow Burn, Pining)
Five times Merlin didn't realise Arthur was protecting him, and the one time he did.
Alright, that's quite a lot already! These are the latest in my bookmarks, don't hesitate to ask me again if you want more!
255 notes - publié le 27 août 2022
Obtenez votre année 2022 en revue sur Tumblr →
Well, obviously I'm still talking about Merthur, always and forever. Also, note to self, you have got to stop talking about Eurovision so much. I compared with last year's nimbers, I've been less active this year. Less posts made, less posts reblogged, and still the same tags again and again (merlin, merthur, batfam, eurovision, doctor who, last year was about six of crows, this year is about star wars)...
#tumblr2022#année en revue#mon année tumblr 2022 en revue#votre année tumblr en revue#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#rapha talks#blog statistics
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self rec-ing my Mar[r]y Me fic!! (sorry I can’t link it on anon tumblr is the worsttttt) it’s an OC series with Rooster and Mary, who is the plus size service and repair manager for NAS North Island that he falls in love with 🩷 they’re pretty adorable and sexy if I do say so myself!
@callsignspark
PERFECT!!! I WILL REBLOG THE MASTERLIST AND GET TO READING ASAP!!!! SO EXCITED 🤍🤍🤍
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I created and single-own the relationship tags Rio x Envelopes and Beth x Her Bourbon Glass on AO3 and I couldn't be more PROUD!!!!! 😂😇😍
(you did create this new ask game where ppl come and tell you what tags they invented, right?)
haha!!! wellllll i was actually contemplating a new tag game, but i applaud this initiative!!! <3 <3 <3
& those truly are fantastic tags, normally i think i hold my own with this game (i mean ive got rio/rio, dean boland & rio, beth boland/sleep, rio/dean's bathrobe AND amber dooley/ofc) but those are god-tier (as is dean boland & you which you inexplicably failed to mention?!)
in fact... P I V O T !
let me rec you some RARE rare ‘pair’ fics?!
(& also tut at basically everyone in this fandom including myself for not using the relationship tags on ao3 that fully, haha)
ao3 / tags
Hell Is Other People by @onemore-light technically isn’t the only fic tagged beth boland/rio/james fitzpatrick, butttt im pretty sure the other fic using said tag doesnt mean it (it’s also got beth boland/ruby hill/annie marks tagged and uh guyZ, i do not think that means what you think it means ha, but! i digress! my point: im counting this for being a single intentional use!). it’s SO creative and i love it!!!
the instigator by @inyoursheets likewise technically isnt the only fic tagged as beth boland/rio/rhea, but since the other one also uses the beth boland/ruby hill/annie marks tag im gonna apply the same logic. anyway: this fic!!!! yes.
Ain’t No Sunshine by @missmaxime is inexplicably the only beth boland/jim turner fic on ao3. also it’s so fricking good!!!
Come, let us march against the powers of heaven by @fairhairedkings (which is a fabulous ~brio ~reincarnation fic) is, im pretty sure, the only gg fic tagged as aphrodite/ares
You & Me Babe How About It is not in fact the only fic tagged as beth boland/debbie ocean, buttt since both fics are by @nakedmonkey im gonna ~cheat and count this ship singly anyway haha. an inspired pairing!!!!
And I’d have told you I was lonely too by @fairhairedkings is a great rio-was-johnny graceland/good girls crossover fic, and the only paige arkin/johnny tuturro fic in the gg tag
Rush by Azdaema is SOMEhow the only fic tagged beth boland/adrenaline????!?!?!??!?!!?
vile and yet devout by @inyoursheets is the first part of a very sexy brio grocery manager au (!!!!) and features background jt/annie marks/nancy (and is sadly the only fic using this tag)
Drop your defenses (and come into my arms) by @pynkhues is a magnificent mar(r)y pat/mick series!!! (ship of ships!!!) AND the first part is also tagged as boomer/pain, which is truly one of the most important gg ships
your thighs, my throne by ElasticElla is SOMEhow the only diane/phoebe donnegan fic?!!!
Falling for her incognito by @misshazelevers20 is the only fic tagged diane x rhea & it’s a lotta fun! (althoooo listening through the airshaft by @mego42 (which is a fantastic multi-outsider pov fic about beth/rio) features rhea/diane!!!! and is that tagged thusly you ask? why no it is not)
Crush by @foxmagpie (which is a prequel piece for delinquents, and features silly sausage baby rio) is im pretty sure the only gg fic tagged original female character/original male character (which is uh...making me realise i def shouldve tagged one of my fics like that too, whoops ha)
gimme the dream by ElasticElla is the ONLY beth boland/amber dooley fic somehow!
Knock First by @bensonstablers is a v fun threesome fic, and the only one tagged as beth boland/rio/original male character(s)
ao3 & tags
Milkshakes by @bensonstablers (which is a LOVELY pre-canon beth/rio fic) is the only one tagged as emma boland & rio (although May The Moon’s Silvery Beams by @pynkhues is also deffo kinda an emma & rio fic i’d say?)
AITA for wanting to stop paying my wife’s “business partner” and yelling at her? by @lemoncupcake (which is!!! the most!!!! fun!!!!!!!!!!!) is the only fic tagged as dean boland & annie marks (one day im gonna add a fic to this tag though <3)
Like Icarus Who Flies to The Sun by kibasniper (which is great fitz pov) is the only fic tagged beth boland & james fitzpatrick
Earning her M.R.S. by oyhumbug (which i am obsessed with!!! it’s a high school au where beth & rio are the teachers!!! <3) is the only one tagged with: beth boland & judith boland, beth boland & original male character(s), beth boland & original female character(s) AND beth boland & ben marks!
Walk-Off by oyhumbug (which is a sweet baseball brio AU) is the only one tagged as: beth boland & sara hill (although ahem at the In Lumine chapter of Nest in the The Center and Circumference series by @pynkhues yknow), marcus & gretchen zorada, beth boland & gretchen zorada (side-eyeing more fics than i can be bothered to list haha)
Almost Checkmate by kibasniper is great creepy phoebe pov, and it’s the only phoebe donnegan & ruby hill fic
ao3 vs. tags
i don’t think there are any of these?! im not sure this is a relationship style you can tag on ao3?! what gives, beth vs. rio is the ship of ships!!!!
tumblr-only fic (for now, grr)
I don’t think there IS any beth/phoebe tag tagged fic on ao3, but! there is a great phoebe pov beth/phoebe tumblr ficlet from @nakedmonkey (put it up on ao3 too though you monster?!)
never say never by @foxmagpie does not YET include any beth/rio/diane BUT here’s a sneak peak!
the untagged
Show Me by @janejoens isn’t tagged as beth boland/rio/original female character(s), but also that kiiiinda is what’s going on? also, it’s excellent, as is the entire series!
Working On Things by odenkirk is not tagged as beth boland/dean boland/rio(/phone) but i think that’s a reassssonably accurate description of the dynamic?! also, it’s incredible!
Touch (without leaving a trace) by @sdktrs12 is a fantabulous ~brio gang bang fic (!!!!) which deffo features some beth/mr cisco amongst others. is it tagged for any relationships other than beth/rio? non
To Face Unafraid by @pynkhues (which is a delightful xmas fic & part of the C&C series) is at least in part about rio & judith boland’s relationship (!!!!) (and ok beth & judith’s too), but it’s not tagged as such
Everybody wants to know if we fucked on the bathroom sink by @misshazelevers20 (which is wonderfully entertaining outsider pov on brio) features mrs karpinski & hipster hitted barman (!!!!!!), yet is it tagged with that?! no it isn’t!
if no one is around you, say baby i love you, if you ain't running game by @medievalraven (which is a wonderful phoebe pov wire fic) is kind of.... phoebe & beth/rio? i dont think you can actually tag things like that on ao3, which now i think abt...is kinda unreasonable...? i don’t think there’s a single fic tagged beth boland & phoebe donnegan though, which is kinda wild??
Both Sides of the Law by @joeyjoeylee (THE law school au!!!!) deffo has plenty of rio & gretchen zorada but isnt tagged for that (again i dont think there’s any fic tagged thusly? w i l d ! )
Copper Kisses by @missmaxime definitely has some beth boland/rio/jim turner Vibes but isnt tagged with that (is my fic with similar vibes tagged any better? no but ok im not the one on trial am i)
.....so ughhh i might go add some relationship tags of my own to my bookmarks is i think what im saying haha (or more like think abt it & then not do it which is practically the same thing right?)
addendums
I shouldn’t need to rec your own fic to you (although you do seem to have forgotten it?! ha) but i also can’t let an opp to rec: But the tigers come at night with their voices soft as thunder (by @bourbon-ontherocks) pass! a fic where dean complains abt his sex dreams abt rio to you the reader inaugurating the dean boland & reader relationship tag which was better than i could possibly have imagined!!!!!! so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!
also! there are several gg fics tagged with no relationship/s (some of which confused me, I mean Sure am using you (by Aniara) isn’t tagged as rio/original female character? anyway it’s amazing, but that’s not a single-use tag so i digress).
no tag is i guess def not a single use (lack of) tag, but i feel like these probs don’t get recced much so here’s one:
Under no illusions by mallanghours (is this basically a dean & rio fic...you decide! haha)
anyway! back to the original point haha.... indeed, do all come tell me about the relationship tags you (will) inaugurate w/ your gg fic (existing or to-tag or to-write)!!! and/or which of these thus far ~single-use tags you plan to fill up??!!!!
#nbc good girls#tv#fanfiction#fanfic#gg fic recs#this ended up turning into a call out post for ~everyone including me for not tagging relationships on things haha#i really thought i could just scroll through my bookmarks for stuff other than brio & find everything#but no! as aforementioned! the tagging! haha#ok i see why ppl add their own bookmarking tags lightbulb emoji lightbulb emoji lightbulb emoji#i dooooo think getting a good grade in relationship tagging IS something that's possible to achieve and normal to aim for non?#anyway i really am going to go do some writing um...#oh if any of the authors are on tumblo & not tagged do lmk!#appolz if i fucked up any of the links or titles etc#this is also a call out post for ppl who put fic on tumblr and not on ao3 too wah#and a yearning post for not-just-brio fics#Something
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can i request a matty fic ib versace on the floor by bruno mars? the genre’s up to u:) i know mans loveeeeeeeee to spoil his girl rotten i mean look at his audi!!! the things i’d love to do in the backseat w him😋😼
so a couple notes: this is my first time writing smut so there could be many mistakes or things that don't make sense, go easy on me, also first time writing for matty
with that said, hope you like it!
BLACK DRESS - MATTHEW TKACHUK X READER
Word Count: 1.1 k
Warning: smut kind of but doesn't fully get there
Summary: Matt can’t wait to drag you home at take off that black dress that’s been driving him crazy all night - inspired on ‘versace on the floor’ by Bruno Mars
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Matt knew it would be a long night the moment he saw you walk out of your shared bedroom wearing that tight black dress and hair up exposing your neck and clavicle. He knew he would spend the whole night counting the minutes till he could take you back home and treat you like you deserved. But he never expected it to be this hard.
He’d try to distract himself, make conversation with other people, but his eyes would be drawn to you not far away from him, and how perfectly that dressed fit your body. He wasn’t a fan of galas, but since he was one of the faces of the franchise he knew he had to be there, put on a smile and try to be as charming as ever, even if the thought of your naked body trapped between him and the bed could not leave his mind.
At one point he couldn’t take it anymore, the main event had already happened anyway, no one would care if he left. So he approached you from behind as you were talking with some other wags, wrapping an arm around your waist.
“We should get going babe.” he said to you but loud enough so the rest would hear. You looked at him confused, not understanding what was the rush. “Early morning tomorrow, remember?” he added with a look in his eyes that told you to just play along.
You nodded your head, still confused until it dawned on you. You weren’t oblivious to the looks you had been receiving from him all night long. Once your brain put two and two together you couldn’t help blush a little.
“Oh yeah true. I almost forgot.”
You said your goodbyes to the rest of the group, not missing the suggestive look you received from your friends. You weren’t fooling anyone, but you couldn’t care any less, your mind was already on what would happen once you got home.
The walk through the parking lot to his car was silent, his hand burning on your lower back. When you reached the car, he opened the door for you and closed it once you were in to go around the car to take the pilot seat. As soon as he was inside his hand was back on you, this time gripping your tight, visible thanks to the slit of your dress. It was like your skin had a magnetism he couldn’t control, he needed to be touching you every second. That alone was enough to start a fire inside you.
“So … early morning?” you said with a playful tone as he started the car.
There was no reply. His eyes were stuck on the windshield but you could see the corner of his mouth curl into his signature mischievous smirk. His grip moved further up your tight and tightened.
The rest of the drive was silent, only the traffic surrounding you could be heard. The tension in the car was palpable, but it was a good kind of tension, sexual tension building up with the second and waiting for the moment you crossed the door of your apartment to finally explode.
And that’s exactly what happened. The moment you walked into the apartment and he closed the door, he was standing behind you, hands grabbing you by the waist and flushing your back against his front.
“See what you on that dress does to me?” he whispered into your ear, pressing your ass harder against his growing bulge, making you gasp as your eyes fell shut.
“I love this dress.” he said, taking a step back to take a better look, hand still tight on your waist. “But you won’t need it anymore.” he added as his hands slid up your back, reaching the zipper.
He then proceeded to slowly unzip your dress, leaving a trail of kisses down your back as he pulled the zipper down. The dress fell to the floor, leaving you standing on your high heels with only your lingerie on.
You felt Matt’s burning eyes on you and a deep groan left his lips at the sight. “You’re so beautiful Y/N.”
Suddenly his hands were back on your hips, turning you around, and attaching his lips to yours in a heated kiss. Matt instantly took control slipping his tongue into your mouth. There was a certain necessity in the kiss, both of you had been waiting for it, especially him. All that build up tension finally blew out.
Your hands were tangled in his hair as his rumbled over your body, setting fires all over your skin. There was no rhythm whatsoever, just hunger for each other. Matt pulled away, trapping your bottom lip with his teeth, drawing a moan from your lips.
“If it weren’t for the security cameras I’d have fucked you right there in the back of my car.” he mumbled against your skin as he traced down your jaw into your neck with his lips. His hands settled in your ass, squeezing it and bringing you closer. Grinding your core against where he needed you the most, making him moan against your skin.
“What’s stopping you now?” you teased him, eager for the moment he finally was inside you. He abruptly stopped and pulled back to look down at you, half smile on his face, with one eyebrow raised daringly.
“Oh it’s gonna be like that tonight?” he questioned amusingly. Then without a warning, his hands that were on your butt slid to the back of your legs before lifting you up. You instinctively wrapped them around his hips, only giving him more access. Your clothed pussy was directly pressed against his bulge and you threw your head back in pleasure at the friction as a groan left your mouth.
You look back at him only to find a cocky smile on his face, loving the effect he has on you, he doesn’t even need to touch you to know you’re already wet and ready for him. He then goes back to focusing on your neck, sucking over that spot just behind your ear he knew drives you crazy.
As he started working towards the bedroom with you in his arms, his lips in your neck, your hands on his hair; you saw the black dress you were leaving behind laying on the floor and thought to yourself you’re gonna start using it more often.
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taglist: @glassdanse @2manytabsopen @barbienoturbby @chieflawyerpastatoad
#Matthew Tkachuk#matt tkachuk#Matthew Tkachuk imagine#Matthew Tkachuk imagines#Matthew Tkachuk x reader#Matthew Tkachuk smut#Matthew Tkachuk fic#Matt Tkachuk imagine#Matt Tkachuk imagines#Matt Tkachuk x reader#Matt Tkachuk smut#Matt Tkachuk fic#NHL#NHL imagine#NHL fic#hockey#hockey fic#hockey imagine#hockey imagines#NHL imagines
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i can see you starin’, honey (Harry Styles)
*It was requested I made this into a full imagine, so I did. You can read the original blurb here. All of my fics are LGBTQ and PoC friendly. Trigger warning for the mention of r*zors (only for shaving!) However, please don’t read if this triggers or makes you uncomfortable! This fic is slightly suggestive, I’d recommend this to mature readers. Summary: Harry is a church boy that goes to church (and reads his Bible 🌚).
You felt Harry shifting beside you in bed before the Sun had even come up. Hands unwrapping themselves from your waist, phone alarm pulsing like pendulums relentlessly when all you wanted to do was sleep. Before Harry could truly release you from his grip, you held your hands over his and he groaned as if to say ‘I know, I know. I don’t want to go either.’ But his strength was greater than yours and he untangled himself without much of a fight. “Gonna love on you so hard when I get back.” You felt his stubble brush against your cheek as he kissed along your jaw. “I’ll make you forget it’s a Sunday.”
Harry placed another kiss to your cheek before he got up and you heard the water running after him. Harry was such a good boy. Going to church because his mother asked him to. His niece, Christina, was to be christened that day and Harry simply couldn’t miss it. He’d give up the world for that little girl. Harry didn’t know exactly where he stood with all the faith and magic and constellations in the universe, but he was certain he’d give up the world for you, too.
Harry’s never known a good shower without music, so your Alexa is more often than not wet and soapy, but Harry doesn’t mind that. I’ll just buy another one, he always says. “Alexa, play Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars.”
Once upon a time, Harry thought that the radio and its constant saturation of romance songs was just an elaborate lie, ‘cause he’d never experienced first-hand just how great love could feel. Sure enough, looking into your eyes for the first time changed that, and he finally understood how it felt to have hearts in your eyes and butterflies in your stomach. Everything about you made him a Styles sized puddle because he was just that far gone.
So he meant it when he sang along in earnest into the shower head: “When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change, cause you’re amazing just the way you are,” Harry may be one of the best pop vocalists in his generation but no one has ever sounded great stark in the shower. You giggle as you lean on the doorframe in awe that you’re living in how love is supposed to feel.
“Don’t know why you’re laffin’.” Harry gives a toothy grin. “Not like you could do any better, babe.” Harry almost goes to wrap the towel around his waist, but he decided the better idea was to throw it at your head and run back to your shared bedroom.
“Harry!”
There’s no doubt that you and Harry wasted time, just being the idiots you allowed yourselves to be around each other. Harry had FaceTimed Anne shortly before he needed to go, because there’s no one who can make a boy feel more handsome than his mother. You’d been eating CoCo Pops in his shirt and underwear, with the new episode of The Crown playing from your laptop in the kitchen. And Anne, who loved her son with all her heart, never failed to tell him how it is. “Honey, you look amazing.” His silver Rolex glinted under the light of the camera. “But the facial hair has got to go.”
Harry held his face in fake contempt. “It’s two days of growth!”
“Even better then, you won’t feel as bad for getting rid of it.” Anne didn’t allow time to take ‘no’ for an answer, and her picture got smaller as it zapped off the screen when she ended the call.
Harry had twelve minutes to spare.
“Y/N!” You stopped like you’d been caught in a crime scene, something about Prince Charles continuing to play out of the speakers of your computer. “I need you to help me get this off my face.” he said as he motioned to his stubble.
That’s how you ended up back in the bathroom. Harry had taken out one of the razors from the cupboard above the sink where you sat, the lower half of his face smothered in Gilette.
“Gotta be ready for church in..” Harry looks down at his watch. “10.” You found it funny how Harry could afford the finer things in life but never made a big deal out of it. You found it especially funny how Harry could afford the finer things in life, including a hair & makeup team at his beck and call, but chose to have you - his baby, his lovie, his world - sat on a sink between his two legs running a cheap BiC disposable razor across his face.
“I love this one the most.” You muttered as you intertwined your two free hands, tracing along the cross tattoo on his hand. “You know what else I love?” You wrapped your legs around his waist, only to see if he would give into the less than holy things of this world one more time before you sent him off to Sunday service.
You banged the razor against the sink, shaving mousse and little brown moustache hairs falling into the basin before you returned to shave your half baby-faced boy.
Sometimes, Harry can’t believe his lucky stars; and thanks God and your mother or whoever made you for doing just that and bringing you to him. “Not one cut! Not one nick!” You exclaim excitedly, as you go to rinse the razor and Harry holds your hips ‘cause he’s just gotta look into your eyes to know that you’re real. And his.
Taglist: @swiftingday
Credit for the gif goes to: /hsgucciking.
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#harry styles#harry styles imagines#harry styles imagine#harry styles smut#harry styles fluff#harry styles blurb#harry styles x reader#harry styles x y/n#harry styles x you#harry styles angst#harry styles fanfiction#h: tooth rotting fluff#h: alldayangst
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alive (jjk)
Summary- Jungkook was the perfect boyfriend for two years, and then two months ago something changed. It was like a switch had been flipped and he’d gone from doting to distant. For the life of you, you could not figure out what happened, and you hated it
word count- 4.3k
pairing- nonidol!Jungkook x Reader (feat. Namjoon)
rating- R
genre- angst, smut
warnings- explicit smut (including fingering), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it friends), sad sex, talks of depression and anxiety, talks of therapy, character death, car accident
a.n- First off a huge thank you to the brilliant Tailia @namyoongles for the banner! Isn’t it beautiful. Second, this is part of @btswriterscollective secret santa project and I’m so excited to reveal that I’m indeed @therealmintedmango‘s secret santa 🎅🏼I had such a great time getting to know you this month Mango and I really hope you enjoy all the angst in this fic! Happy holidays, love! 💕
As always feedback appreciated. Send me an ask! 💌
-
“Well if you can’t even talk to me, maybe we should just end this!” you screamed, your lungs aching as you looked at your boyfriend on the couch next to you, the room falling into a charged silence. It had been the same fight for months. The same constant back and forth. You would try to broach the topic but he would close off. Every time. His expression was neutral as he looked at you, his doe eyes betraying his defeat as he sighed.
Jungkook was the perfect boyfriend for two years, and then two months ago something changed. It was like a switch had been flipped and he’d gone from doting to distant. For the life of you, you could not figure out what happened, and you hated it. You hated how it seemed to bring all your insecurities to the surface and clawed at your emotions till they were raw. From the corner of your eye you saw Namjoon looking at you sadly, disappointed, before shaking his head at you and disappearing round the corner. You felt a tear roll down your cheek as you looked at your boyfriend, who sat in silence at your outburst.
Jungkook had always been quiet, introverted, and this cloud of mystery was one of the things that made him so unbelievably attractive, but now it was the worst thing about him. You didn’t expect this fight to escalate, you didn’t expect these words to come out, but now that they were you wanted him to react. Needed him to react. Needed just anything more than the stoic expression marring his features.
“Maybe we should…” Jungkook spoke softly, after what seemed like hours. It wasn’t what you were expecting and it only caused your anger to flare. He was seriously going to just throw away everything?
You looked at him next to you as he seemed to have moved further away. You’re not sure if he actually did or your mind was playing tricks on you again, but the seat cushion between you seemed to stretch for miles, Jungkook getting smaller in the horizon.
“You’re not even going to fight for us? You’re going to walk away?” You didn’t care that you were raising your voice, and that the one tear from earlier was now a flood cascading down your features. Maybe it was your fate. You never thought you deserved happiness and this was just another nail in your ever growing collection. You had spent your life chasing after that elusive ray of joy, only for you to get too comfortable when you reached it and it disappeared as soon as it appeared, throwing you into the darkness once again.
It figures that this happiness would vanish too. You wanted to reach out and shake Jungkook. Why did he have to change? Why did he have to do this to you?
“What did I do? What happened?” you asked, your voice small, as you looked at him staring at his hands in his lap. His long wavy hair fell into his eyes, and the longer he sat there in silence, the louder your heart crumbled. “Say something!” you exclaimed, followed by a quieter “Please…”
“What do you want me to say Y/N? You’re the one who wants to end us.” Jungkook finally looks at you, his lips pressed together as his tongue pokes lightly to the inside of his cheek. You’d seen this look before, but never directed at you. It was cold and made your skin pebble, made fresh tears stream down your face.
“Because you changed! Because you hate me!” you yelled indignitedly as he sighs once again. He lifts his head slightly as he looks at you, his eyes glassy.
“I don’t hate you,” he whispers quietly, the words floating in the tension in the air.
“Then why are you avoiding me? Why haven’t you said a full sentence to me these past two months?”
“Because…” He looks away again staring straight ahead at the blank wall of his living room and you can’t help but move closer, wiping your eyes to see him clearer.
“No. You can’t do your stupid quiet guy shit right now! I need to know!” You pull at his shoulder to make him look at you and as he does, his hand finds yours, holding it gently. His eyes swim with the love you’ve come to expect from him but it's tinged with an overwhelming sadness, a sadness that droops his features even though he tries to school them into a small smile on your behalf.
“It’s not your fault, okay?” He is still whispering, his hand squeezing yours as the other fidgets with the untied string of his sweatpants.
“What’s not my fault? Please Kook. Please talk to me!” You remove your hand from his and cup his face in both of yours, needing more, anything to help clear the haze in your head.
“I can’t.” His voice louder, he pulls your hands away from his face as he goes to stand up and you grab at his legs to stop him.
“Why not?!”
“Because you’ve never loved me and I had to find out when you were drunk!” Jungkook yells. He never yells, not at you anyway, but it’s not his volume that stuns you, it’s the words echoing through the small studio apartment. Words that make you freeze, dropping your hands from him as you feel the breath knocked out of your lungs.
“What?”
“That night after the club. While I was taking care of you. Me!” He points at his chest, his eyes ablaze as he continues. “Making sure that you didn’t get puke on your hair or fall or get hurt, you looked at me and do you know what you asked me?” His shoulders fall as he quietens once again, sighing and running his hands through his hair. His face distorts into one of heartbreak as he says the next words, his tone even and calm. “‘Why don’t I love you as much as him?’ And here I was like an idiot believing you every time you said you loved me”
You stand at his words. That wasn’t true. It wasn’t true. You remember that night. Not most of it but you know yourself enough to know you would never say that to him, not after he had worked so hard to put you back together again. Jungkook wasn’t your soulmate, you didn’t believe in those anymore, but Jungkook was your rock, your best friend. He was there when you couldn’t get out of bed for days. He was there when you didn’t know how to stop crying. He was always there. And you loved him.
“I do love you. Jungkook, please!” You grab his hands, holding them tightly as if he would disappear too. You looked at him desperately, trying to convey your feelings through your gaze, but all you found in him was defeat.
“I just can’t do this anymore. You’re right. I can’t compete with a ghost… not anymore.” He sighed again as his lip quivered. It stuttered your breath and you felt your chest tightened. You couldn’t lose him, not after Namjoon. As you felt the panic rising, the drunk haze of two months ago came into focus, spiking your adrenaline and paling your face.
You danced to the loud EDM pulsing through the club as neon lights flashed across your skin, setting your white dress aglow. Jungkook was pressed against your back as his lips ghosted the skin of your neck, his hands grazing your hips as he pulled you closer. You hadn’t felt this content in years, the tequila warming your veins in a sweet comfort as your boyfriend’s hips moved against yours, your arms around his neck, fingers playing with his hair.
You missed this. Missed going dancing and drinking because it was fun and not because you were trying to forget. Surrounded by your friends, you smiled as you opened your eyes, finally happy. Until you saw him and your heart dropped, making you freeze.
Namjoon smiled at you from the bar, the sweet dimpled smile that creased his eyes into crescents as he waved. How was he here? How was he back?
You felt your heart kickstart as you pushed Jungkook off you and raced to the bar. You’d apologize to him later, but you needed Namjoon right now. Needed to feel him in your arms, needed to smell his calming scent, and so like an addict you raced through the club looking for one more hit. When you reached the bar, he wasn’t there anymore and the sheer weight of disappointment made you sob. You felt a pair of strong arms surround you and the familiar smell of bergamot and vanilla encased your senses, pulling you closer into a firm chest.
“Baby what’s wrong?” A soft voice asked as you looked at Jungkook’s worry filled eyes. You hated that you were doing this again. It had been almost a year since this happened, and your mind felt numb as you grasped Jungkook’s black shirt.
“He was here! Kook he was here!” you exclaimed, your loud voice carrying over the music. You were sure you looked deranged, mascara running down your cheeks, lipstick smeared where it met Jungkook’s shirt, as you desperately cling to him. He looks at you sadly before pulling you into his chest once again, holding you tight, his fingers running soothingly on your scalp.
“I’m sorry baby. I’m so sorry.” He repeated that phrase as he stroked your back, trying to calm you down as you continued sobbing and onlookers peered at the two of you curiously.
The memory of the night jolts you as you grab onto Jungkook’s shirt the same way you did at the club, looking at him pleadingly. His face blurred behind your tears as you yelled.
“I was with him for five years and he fucking died!” There’s no volume behind your words, only the distraught behind the truth you felt you were never ready to face. You weakly punched at Jungkook’s chest trying to make him understand your agony. But you didn’t need to try, he already knew, had lived through it with you.
“Yeah Namjoon died! But I’m here! I’m alive!” His voice was broken as the tears finally escaped his eyes. He grabbed your hand from where it was knocking against his chest and held it there. “You feel this? That’s my heart racing for you! How it always does! Because I love you.”
“Kook-”
Before you can say anything else, he grabs your face and crashes your lips together desperately, wanting you to feel just an ounce of what he felt for you. Your sinuses full of tears, your lungs burn as you pull him closer. You want him to consume you, make you forget again as you taste the salt of his tears. The overwhelming guilt breaks you more as his fingers move from your face to your waist, digging in hard enough to leave bruises.
Three years ago you never thought you would love someone again. You didn’t deserve to not when it was your fault you could never see Namjoon’s face again. Your fault that the world would never know what difference he would have made to it. But when you stood outside the funeral his parents had banned you from attending, arm in a cast and stitches on your forehead, caving into yourself from grief, Jungkook found you. Held you tight enough to stop you from breaking and told you it wasn’t your fault, that there was no way to have known that the 14 wheeler would run a red. And he reminded you everyday till you believed him, till your dreams no longer weaved your memories into nightmares, till you no longer saw Namjoon everywhere you looked. Till you felt worthy to love Jungkook back.
When the air in your lung runs out, you pull away, but Jungkook pulls you closer, trailing his lips from your jaw to down your neck. He kisses you with fervor, nibbling the skin and soothing it with his tongue till you're moaning. You grip his hair and pull him back to your lips, his tongue caressing yours as your tears give way to the passion. Your heart stutters as his hands move to the back of your thighs and he effortlessly lifts you without leaving your lips, walking towards his bed.
Amidst the kisses, he bumps into the bookshelf that separates his bed from the living room causing a few books to fall to the floor, the loud thud breaking the silence in the room. He ignores it as he tosses you on the bed, climbing over you as you look up at him. There are still tears in his eyes as he slows down and presses his forehead against yours.
"I love you," he says softly but the sadness in his eyes never gives way to the usual warmth. It feels like a goodbye and you feel another wave of grief wash over you. Why did you have to be like this? Why couldn't you give him what he needed when he gave you so much?
You cup his damp face and he leans into your hands, closing his eyes as you kiss him tenderly, hoping to convey how much you needed him. You pull at the hem of his shirt, running your hands under it, feeling the light shudder that goes through him as his skin pebbles. He pulls the shirt over his head, tossing it on the floor as he kisses you again more urgently, his lips molding to yours, igniting a familiar fire in the pit of your stomach. He holds on to your face as if you would run away if he didn't.
You push gently against his chest and he looks up in alarm before you make him lie next to you and straddle his waist. You continue kissing him, trailing your lips over his neck, painting his golden chest red as the lump in your throat grows. Despite the tears still running steadily, you whisper 'I love you's, hoping he'd believe you, but you're not sure if you're trying to convince him or yourself.
He's right, you don't love him like you loved Namjoon. You don't think you can ever love anyone the way you loved him. Namjoon was your shelter amidst the rain, but Jungkook was the light amidst the darkness. It's different, it's incomparable. You never needed Namjoon the way you need Jungkook. Never woke up in the middle of the night relieved to find him still sleeping next to you. You had never depended on someone like you depended on Jungkook, and so, wasn't that love? Wasn't needing someone the same as you need oxygen, love?
You trail your kisses lower, but before you could reach his waistband, he lifts your shirt pulling it off you, and with his arms circled tight around your waist he kisses you again. The two of you kiss for a while, relishing the feel of each other's skin, his grip tightening till you can't breathe. He's never like this, never this needy and your heart breaks as you realize that he still thinks he's competing.
You don't know if you're still crying, but you pull yourself up and stare at him. "Jungkook, I love you. I need you. Please-"
But before you can finish your sentence, he rolls the two of you over, pinning you under him as he pulls your shorts down your legs. You didn't mean this need, but you couldn't deny how wet his length hardened against you made you. He traces his fingers over your soaked panties, groaning into your mouth before pushing them aside and thrusting two fingers in.
He swallows your moans as you arch into him. He sets a fast pace right from the start as his lips move to your chest. His mouth moves over your nipples, capturing one to tease it with his tongue, lapping at it furiously. He nips it lightly and you feel your whole body alight, leaving all your thoughts to tumble out of your head. All you see are the flashes of red behind your eyelids, all you hear is the sounds of his fingers thrusting in you, all you can feel is him as Jungkook does what he does best - make you forget.
“Want to make you forget. Want to make you mine,” he whispers against your chest, as he removes his fingers, pulling your panties off your legs as he takes his shorts and boxers off in a haze. You don’t know what’s going through his mind as he looks at you with a darkened gaze, his eyes roaming your body, before he kisses you again. It’s hard and rough, teeth clattering against each other, his tongue licking into you as you mewl.
His cock grinds against your clit as he kisses you and you can’t help the way your hips buck up against him. He looks up at that, a hand moving down to line himself up against you. “Please tell me you want me,” he pleads against your lips, and another tear rolls down your cheek as you nod vigorously before kissing him. Another wave of guilt rushes through you seeing your usually confident boyfriend pleading at you, and for the first time as he slowly sinks into you, you don’t think of Namjoon.
You gasp against his lips as he fully sheaths himself within you. “Jungkook… Kookie. Please… want you, need you.” He rewards your pleas by slowly pulling out and thrusting in again, gripping your waist tightly and bracing his knees against the bed to start rocking into you faster.
“I’m here. Me. Me. I’m the one here for you.” He repeats again and again, the mantra powering his thrusts, leaving you a moaning mess below him as he consistently hits the spot that makes you see stars. You wrap your legs around his waist, stuttering his name and holding tightly onto his forearms. You can feel your orgasm build up as you lose yourself in his touch, letting him move your body as he pulls you in each time his hips meet yours.
You tighten around him as you feel the high of your pleasure coursing through your veins. At the feeling, Jungkook moves forward, bracing his arms around your head, his forehead against yours as he commands you to open your eyes.
His eyes are glassy as he looks at you lost in pleasure like it’s the only thing he needs. He kisses you again, softly, a total juxtaposition to the hard movement of his hips that’s quickly tightening the coil in your stomach. His movements are sloppier now as he approaches his high as well, but he moves a hand down, fingers circling your clit.
“Cum for me, baby, please,” he moans as you lose yourself to the euphoria he provides. Jungkook watches your face contorted in pleasure as you writhe under him, finding his release soon after you.
You pull him closer, your arms tight around him, as he thrusts as deep as he can before stilling and filling you. He collapses on you right after, still buried inside you with his head in the crook of your shoulder, your pants echoing through the room.
He lays on top of you for a while, his crushing weight smothering you to the mattress, but you don’t move him, welcoming the intimacy after months of distance. You think he’s fallen asleep, but then you feel his shoulders shake, your neck getting damp as he sniffles next to you. The guilt returns as you stroke his back gently and let him cry, your own reservoir long empty. Without lifting his head, he grabs one of your hands, lacing your fingers together, as he holds it tightly.
“I’m sorry I’m not him.” He mumbles against you. You go to say his name but before you can he interrupts you. “I’m sorry I can’t make it hurt less. I’m sorry I can’t bring him back. I’m so, so sorry.”
You try to move his head to see him but he just nuzzles his face in deeper, his hair tickling your neck gently. Your mind feels heavy, like if you thought more your brain would simply shrivel up. You wish you were a different person, had a different life, made better decisions. You hate yourself for making Jungkook feel like he’s responsible for your happiness, responsible for putting you back together, but most of all you hate yourself for making him feel like he has to bring Namjoon back for you to feel happy.
Before Namjoon died, Jungkook was a different person. He was funny, energetic, competitive, but afterwards he just became quiet. Sure, he was introverted before, but he just lost the spark behind his eyes. It wasn’t surprising. Jungkook had known Namjoon even longer than you did. He grew up with him and looked up to him like a younger brother would. In the beginning of your relationship, you even felt that he thought he had some kind of responsibility to take care of you for him. He never pushed you, always relented to your requests.
The first time you slept with him was only three months after the funeral, when in a drunken haze you begged him to make you forget. He wiped your tears and held you as he helped you forget. In the two years following he never asked you to do anything, except for one thing. One thing you were always too scared to do because to you it would be admitting that you were broken. As you laid with your arms tight around him, lamenting how you broke him worse, you decided to give it to him.
“I’ll go to therapy.” Your voice was low but firm, and it jolts Jungkook to move up and lean on his hands next to your head. The movement makes the two of you wince as he suddenly pulls out of you, dragging his release down your thighs. His red rimmed eyes roam your face looking for deceit.
“You will?”
“I can’t expect you to fix me, Kook. I can’t put that on you.” You sigh, a hand reaching out to smooth the crease between his eyebrows. Your thumb brushes over his lower lip that juts out in a slight pout, and you can’t believe how lucky you are to have him in your life.
“You can. I’ll always be here for you, you know that right?” He whispers and it makes your heart ache when you think about how defeated he seemed earlier.
“Kook… I love you… I really do.” Your eyes are glassy again and you wonder how it is that your body can keep producing tears. He hugs you at that, his arms going under your waist to gently lift you and scoot the two of you upwards, resting your head on the pillows. He lies next to you, a little distance between the two of you, your hands laced together as you both stare at the ceiling, the emotions of the night turning to exhaustion.
“I should’ve talked to you instead of trying to run away.” Jungkook speaks after a while, making you turn your head towards him.
“I didn’t mean what I said-”
“It’s okay if you did. I miss him. I wish he was here too.” He looks at you with a small smile.
“No. It’s not okay. You don’t deserve this. You could be with someone else and you’d be happy. You could be happy Kook. Don’t you want that? To be with someone who doesn’t imagine their dead ex all the time?” Your voice is firm, even when it wavers slightly towards the end, your grip around his hand getting tighter.
“No. I want to be with you.” His thumb caresses your hand as he turns on his side as he puts his arm around your waist. The warmth you missed these past months was back in his eyes, but instead of it raising butterflies, all it did was produce dread for when it would disappear as he continued. “I would’ve left a long time ago if I wanted to. If you don’t want me, I still can... if that’s what would make you happy.”
“I think you need to be with someone who you don’t have to put together again.” Your voice is small as he sighs again, letting go of your hand to pull you close to his body, cradling your head into his chest. On instinct, you wrap your arms and legs around him, nuzzling into his chest. The touch of his skin on yours never failed to comfort you.
“You’re not broken. I’m not putting you together. I just… I don’t want to lose you.” His voice reverberates through his chest as he holds you tighter, kissing the top of your head.
“But maybe you need to.” You want to be selfish, keep him for yourself but shouldn’t you let Jungkook go for his sake? Let him find someone with less work, no matter how much it hurts you? It was bad enough that your mental health was terrible, did his need to be too? You feel his heart pound under you and it causes yours to speed up as well, anticipating his words. You don’t know how you would react if he agreed.
“Tomorrow. Let’s talk about this tomorrow.” He says after quiet contemplation. “I love you. More than you’ll know.”
“And I love you. You. Jeon Jungkook. Even if I’m selfish and ruining you.”
He shushes you at that, stroking your hair as the two of you fall in a dreamless sleep. You didn’t know if your relationship would survive past the post-orgasmic endorphins, but you knew one thing for sure. You were in love with Jungkook and tomorrow you were going to set up your first therapy appointment to make sure you never made him feel like he lost again.
----
I hope you liked this angsty piece, for more fics of mine check out my masterlist
#bwcssy2#jungkook smut#jungkook angst#jungkook x reader#btsnoonanet#thebtswritersclub#bts scenarios#bts fanfiction#jungkook x yn#jungkook scenarios#jungkook fan fiction
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