i be in my own head fighting for my life
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we need more bipolar success stories. because all you hear about are the ones who died, or had breakdowns, or struggle every day.
it will be okay. it can be okay. i'm bipolar, and i'm doing well. i'm medicated, i'm stable, i'm happy, i'm living my life. things will be okay.
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I never understood the disturbed speech symptom of psychosis until it started happening to me. it's like your brain pressed the middle button on the text prediction on the keyboard while you're talking or typing or whatever but it makes sense to you
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Instead of fighting my brain or panicking, I just accept that I'm manic. I accept my mood changes. But there's nothing I can do. I'm just riding the rollercoaster, man. Sometimes I hold on for dear life.
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One minute I'm fine. The next I'm in a downward spiral and you're all I can think about.
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i can feel it coming again.
meat and bone underneath skin. nerves push to the surface, my body becomes overgrown with electricity.
i see shifting lines on the walls, they connect my conspiracies and deities and suicidal tendencies. itd snap my tendons too, if it could.
its all buzzing with noise, and i am listening for secret messages. there are invisible bugs living on your eyes. it speaks to me like an old friend. your pain predicts the future. the past predicts me, too.
i come back for a few hours, i know its not real. i know its not real. i am not god, i am not powerful, i am not special. its a disease. this is a disease.
it will come back stronger now, now that ive angered it. something is hunting me.
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i've REALLY wanted a tattoo for like 8 months now but i've only just turned 18 and i'm really scared i'll regret it. just a small one to go under my s/h scars and turn them from something i really regret to something i find funny as fuck. it's a little doodle jump guy, the joke is that he's jumping on my scars - you probably won't get it unless you've played the game. but it's for me. and with the bipolar, i'm worried it'll be a manic mistake. ahh idk i just wanted to get my thoughts abt this out there.
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my mixed episodes are so fucking stereotypical one day I'll be like
):
and the next I'll be like
:DDD !!!!11!!1!!! (:(:(:::::::::DDDDDD# (:(::: :DDDDDDD
and I do not appreciate it like bro chill tf out
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God, BPD/bipolar mood swings are the worst. Plus my splitting, where I go from loving someone to hating them to loving them all in minutes. Plus all my triggers. Anything can send me into a spiral. All with up and down mood fluctuations from manic to joylessness. I wish my doctor would be able to get my moods stabilized even just a little bit but she's always looking at me baffled because we've already tried most medications. I wish I could somehow fully explain the exhaustion and how scary it can be to have up and down moods and depressive lows. It's a nightmare and I just ride the emotional waves.
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If one more thing goes wrong tonight I’m either gonna have an autistic meltdown, a bipolar meltdown, or both
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