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#loss tw
luchsyy · 3 months
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(dis)comfort in your absence.
the short film that i worked on from mid november to the end of december! i've already received my score so i think i'm allowed to post it now. it's the first short film that i've ever made & i don't have a lot of experience in animation & and know NOTHING about sound design so please ignore the flaws v__v pretend they don't exist.
animated in adobe photoshop & adobe premiere pro
for the background noise / music i downloaded a few lmms files that i found online and played around with them a little bit
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artbean · 10 months
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how will you / have you prepare(d) for your death? by chen chen | or: me coping with it having been one whole year since we lost this funky lil guy
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youneedsomeprompts · 1 year
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~ LOVE HURTS ~ SAD CHRISTMAS PROMPTS
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requested by: anonymous
Feel free to use and reblog!
being alone on Christmas eve
fights on Christmas
missing their loved ones when everyone else spends time with theirs
remembering late family members
being sad but everyone expects them to be happy
having their expectations for Christmas disappointed
being with toxic people on Christmas eve
having to work on Christmas eve
being dumped shortly before Christmas
having serious worries that overshadow every Christmas joy
not wanting to carry on their parents' traditions
old conflicts bubbling up during the holidays
having to cry during every Christmas movie
hating all the Christmas decorations around them
trying to ignore everyone's jolly spirit
trying to hide their sadness during the Christmas celebration
trying to make others happy at least
having the winter blues
storming off after a fight with their S/O
saying ugly things on Christmas eve they regret afterwards
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twigg96 · 7 months
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Even If Death Do Us Part
Daryl X Reader
Warnings: MAJOR ANGST, SADNESS AHHH, MAJOR Cannon Divergence, Slow Burn, Greif, Loss, Acceptance, Hope Rekindled, Blood, Walkers, Torture,
Whumptober Prompts: No.2) I'll Call out Your Name, but you won't call back. / Delirium
Era(s): Post-Prison, Post-Alexiandria and Saviors War, (New alternate route taken from here)
Pronouns: She/Her, You/[Y/N]
Summery: When the prison fell and Daryl felt your hand slip from his own he was so sure you'd be ok... that you'd meet him at the meeting place you both agreed on. But as hours turned to days and he and Beth were pushed into the woods Daryl lost his hope in everything. When weeks turned to months and his wife never showed up on the railroad to Terminus, the Church where he prayed for the first time in his life, or Alexandria where a new life began to bloom for everyone... except him. Daryl couldn't accept she simply disappeared. You simply had to be out there somewhere. When months fazed into years and Daryl aged and so much had changed... he didn't know how he managed with out you, but when Negan drops a lead to where you might be... alive Daryl can't pass up on the opportunity to go with him and Rick to investigate despite knowing that time might have changed everything he knew about you.
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When the prison fell and all descended into chaos. Amidst the gunshots blaring and the bombs exploding, Daryl had lost sight of you in the dust and mist. He had been so certain you had taken off into the woods after your hand had slipped from his own. But maybe you had boarded the bus that was to carry those unable to defend themselves to safety but was doomed to fail in it's efforts. You always did tend to throw yourself into the line of fire to protect others... Whatever the case may be, he trusted that if you did happen to end up alone, you’d know your way around the camp well enough and be fine… you would find your way back to him. He just knew it. You’d be sure to meet up at the normal place in a day or so. Just as you always did. But as he and Beth wandered ever farther away from the prison, checking the meet up spot just as they did on that first fateful day and the three that followed only to find nothing but an empty field of flowers. Daryl’s hope dimmed just as the light in the sky. Especially as Beth pushed him to keep moving, to keep surviving without you. Even after he refused having spent a full day sat on a log where you two used to sit and talk about nothing, his fingers worrying the metal of the wedding ring he wore. He knew she would never have insisted if it weren't for the herd of walkers coming their way, that Beth would have waited until the end of time if he only asked and circumstances had been different. She had been such a sweet girl. But the herd pushed them ever farther away from what they knew as home, farther from where he knew you might be, and away from hope.
As time seemed to move without him, Daryl seemed to live in a haze. Forced through the trials, tribulations of the coming weeks without you by his side. Daryl’s hope in everything wavered. The light in his eyes that once was so bright went out. He’d lost too much. The prison, where you both felt so safe as to swear to protect each other as man and wife, even though neither of you knew what that meant for the future. Sophia, whose little broken body was still burned in his mind all these months later. Merle, whose ultimate sacrifice meant survival for him and everyone of his friends standing beside him now. Beth, who's death was so fresh that haunted his every nightmare. The guilt of which bogged him down until he could no longer stand the silence which drove him mad. You, and although he didn't want to believe you were dead the lingering doubt leaked in into his brain and ate at the last remains of his sanity making him sick to his stomach with images of what could have happened. Daryl shut himself down emotionally. Locking out everyone he loved and all the friends he made along the way. It only got worse once they found Alexandria. No one could understand why he refused to stay behind the walls. Even though Rick and Carol had a hunch they didn’t want to corner him about it. He was always hunting for his Doe. Searching for you every chance he had. When the opportunity arose to scout with Aaron, to look for more trust worthy people, Daryl immediately accepted the offer. If he sat and thought on it long enough he'd have to admit to himself that his intentions were purely selfish. His only motivation driven by finding you, alive or... well that was all his brain could truly rationalize. He told himself that once he found you, the two of you would leave Alexandria. Find a nice place to stay outside of the walls that let him breath fresh air and escape suburbia. But until then he accepted his fate inside the walls.
As weeks inside the walls slowly but surely morphed into months, Daryl's fears, his sickening anxiety became all encompassing. Judith had turned two. You had missed her second birthday... and while you were there for the first, the celebration felt hollow without you there. Despite the months that went by Daryl refused to believe that you just disappeared into nothingness. That you simply didn’t exist anymore. His searching never ceased, only broadened and expanded. His runs became longer and more expansive. Slowly he began to bring less and less home. Focused solely on locating you in your entirety. Instead of simply screaming your name into an abandoned building and recklessly killing the walkers that came out, Daryl found himself searching the faces of each and every walker he took down. Taking more risks in hope of never having to see you at the end of his blade. Anxiety was constantly coursing his veins as he went out anymore. The thoughts of: What if this was the herd you got caught up in? What if this is the building he finds you in? What if you were alone when it happened and he could have stopped it? Circulated in his head on an endless loop. One night while the two were alone, Rick had offhandedly suggested gutting the walkers Daryl took down... just to be certain. When he told Daryl why... Daryl threw up before breaking down in ugly heavy sobs that wracked his entire body and brought no solace back to his broken soul.
A full year passed since the prison. Daryl never stopped wondering or worrying. But within his little cell he couldn't help but wonder if at this second. In this moment, if it was comforting or maybe a curse that you wouldn't know about his imprisonment and torture (though he'd never admit as such) at the hands of the Saviors. While that dreaded song played on loop over and over drilling itself so deep into his subconscious, he had to wonder... if you had known would you have come riding in on a white horse like his knight in shining armor and saved him by now? Would you have had the lady balls and attacked Negan too ending up in this hell hole with him? Or would you have gotten yourself killed doing something stupid but so unequivocally you? Maybe he would he have killed you like he did Glenn. Daryl hung his head in shame, letting horrible heartbroken sobs escape his throat. How the fuck did any of this end up this way? One moment they were all so happy. Glenn was going to be a fucking father... how does that just happen? How does someone just take someone like Glenn away like that? Hours passed before Daryl felt himself go numb. Glancing down at the "food" he had thrown to the floor he felt his stomach turn before a growl erupted from within. "Eat." Through everything, Daryl was certain he could still hear your voice chastising him. "Daryl, please... you need to eat. Keep your strength up." Reaching down and grabbing the food he took a reluctant bite, allowing his mind to wander to vivid images of you. His imagination keeping his sanity afloat amidst the pain.
Five years had passed since the Prison. The Saviors war was over. Daryl's only solace was knowing that Negan was behind bars with no chance of an escape. However he still didn't feel entirely comfortable knowing the bastard was still alive. Rick was now managing more communities than Daryl ever could have imagined. This also meant as his right hand man he was tasked in helping to manage these communities. Daryl would honestly have rather have eaten raw glass than get himself into politics, but if he learned anything from his time with Rick and from observing the Saviors it was better to have these areas under their control than let them do whatever they wanted. As Daryl ended back at the Sanctuary watching the sky turn dark with a moonless sky, his mind traveled with it to the darkest depths. He wondered briefly if there were a chance that you had died back at the prison and if all his searching had been in vain. But these thoughts could only stay as long as the smoke from his cigarette could linger before he dismissed them and stood to finish his rounds.
Ten years had passed since the prison, Daryl was surprised to still be alive. Alexandria had fallen more than once. And Daryl was certain that it would end in the same fate as the prison. There were more times than not that he was sure he was going to die... but your voice in the back of his head had driven him forward. Always reminding him of the good in life. Even as the passage of time grew so long that he was sure that he'd had forgotten the sweet tone of your voice it still rang clear as if you were standing right beside him. Even whenever he had attempted to busy himself with another woman for a time. To try to move on. He couldn't bring himself to do so. Not truly. He couldn't keep your face from his mind as he closed his eyes at night. Nor the smell of your hair or the sound of your voice calling out for him. And so he quickly gave up on the endeavor coming away with only Dog as proof of his efforts. However if Daryl admitted it he was surprised most by the little community that was not only growing but thriving under Rick's supervision. Negan, once an enemy turned out to be a friend in extreme circumstances. And although Daryl didn't trust the man as far as he could throw him, he would fight beside him in a heartbeat.
So on the day that Negan approached Rick, Daryl, Maggie and Carol asking for help, to say they were skeptical was an understatement. Welcoming the leather clad man into his house for the council meeting, Rick watched as Negan sat at the dining room table. "What is it ya want?" Rick asked, eyeing Negan skeptically. Negan sat silently for a few moments glaring daggers into the wood of the table. It seemed to Daryl at least, that the man was contemplating. What exactly? He didn't know... nor did he care if he was being honest... "Just need a few people to come with me to come check in on something." Negan muttered lowly, his voice already sounding nearly defeated as if he knew he was about to be turned inside out despite only having said a single sentence. Rick shifted his weight on his legs. His hips swaying as he thought, his head hanging as he sighed. "Checking in on what, exactly?" He growled his expression guarded as he scanned Negan carefully. Negan rolled his dark eyes, resting an elbow on the table with a loud thunk he groaned. "Now... do you really need me to go into every detail here, Ricky. Or do you want me tell you what the core issue is?" Negan drawled sarcastically meeting Rick's intense gaze. Running his hands through his hair Rick sighed, pulling a chair out and gesturing for the others to do the same. "Alright, Negan... what is is this core issue?" Rick hissed threading his fingers together. If Daryl paid enough attention, he could see Rick's nails biting into the skin on the webbing on his other hand. Negan nodded a audacious grin crossing his lips. "The issue is, I seemed to have lost a community the Saviors used to service. Seems like the years haven't exactly been kind to these people and when we stopped coming around they went feral... Just ran into a bunch of them clothed in animal skins. They were using hand made weapons. Carved bows and arrows, knives made of bone, and spears made of sharpened branches. The group I was with could have easily handled the situation... if you get my drift. But I figured, Rick the Prick might have a bit of an issue if I just cleared out a whole community without his knowledge... besides I got some history with these folks. So here I am." Daryl couldn't say he was surprised at Negan's callousness, not anymore. But to hear him openly admit that he was thinking and debating on taking down a community single handed was a stark reminder of exactly who they were dealing with. "Stop looking at me that way." Negan growled seriously, glaring around the room. The silence was all encompassing and Daryl was quick to realize he wasn't the only one who was staring. Carol was the first to clear her throat rubbing her wrists anxiously. "So what do you want us to do about it, Negan?" Maggie asked seriously, shifting in her chair to sit up straighter. Negan rested his head in his hand smiling gently at Maggie. "You didn't hear a word I just said, did ya princess?" He whispered mockingly, his face morphing into a hateful glare when his arm whipped to point to the door, his fingers just missing Daryl's nose. "I need at least two people to come with me and see what the hell is goin' on there! I would like to hope you'd understand I'm tryin' to get this done all democratic like but if you make me play my hand I'll be glad to!" He yelled, slapping the palm of his hand down on the table once more in frustration.
Rick grunted glaring at Negan's outburst. "Alright... Daryl and I will go with ya." Rick muttered looking to the archer, checking to see if he was in. With a small nod, Daryl sat straighter, never really taking his eyes off of Negan. Rick took a breath sitting up and placing his own elbows on the table. "But we need to know what we're walking into... I don't feel comfortable going in blind." He muttered. Negan hummed, nodding as he ran a hand through his hair. "Fair enough, though don't know what good it'll do ya it's been about seven or eight years now since I've been there..." He muttered really emphasizing the time he spent in prison. "I wasn't originally gonna fuck with these people when I first crossed them..." Negan hummed lowly once he started, rubbing the stubble on his chin as he thought about the memory. "We had spotted their community from a distance and were planning on leaving them alone... they weren't fucking with anyone else... we had enough food with the trade deals we had in place. And the Saviors weren't as big as they had been when we met so we didn't have the people to patrol the area. We didn't want to risk it. But..." Negan hummed his eyes growing far away and distant in thought. "A woman came from the community... I have to admit she was fine as all Hell..." An audible groan escaped Rick's throat and Daryl couldn't help but feel a little sick thinking about the wives he met while in the Sanctuary wondering if one of them came from this community Negan was talking about. Negan's eyes flicked to Rick's for a moment before a shit eating grin graced his lips. "Don't worry, Ricky. She just wasn't my type. Besides, she was already pregnant when we found her." He muttered, his grin falling at the thought. "She was extremely dehydrated and malnourished when she practically ran up to our trucks begging for help. We gave her what we could and she pointed us in the direction of the community she was living in. Turns out the leader had been taking a select few women for himself... something I can get behind." Negan muttered chuckling at everyone's visible disgust. "However... what I couldn't get with was the fact he was beatin' on and starvin' these girls he got knocked up. The woman told me that at one point he had five wives... he was down to two when I got there 'cause he beat the other three to death. His newest one was his favorite to torture because... as she put it... the girl just appeared out of thin air one day. That woman... That woman was my type all over. Spitfire of a woman but feral as hell." Negan hummed rubbing his chin. "If have to guess. She's the one that took over now. Well her and her kids. They both were wild as hell and off the rails when they wanted to be. They complied with me when I was there as long as we kept her "husband"... and I use that term lightly... in check for her. But she always did good by her people while we were around and brought us what we asked for. When we tried asking for more she was the first to raise a fuss... never got far but she was one hell of a fighter." Negan blinked seemingly coming back to reality and the present. "What are the women's names?" Carol asked, picking at her nails half heartedly. Negan hummed a concentrated look crossing his face. "Think the girl that came by our trucks was Delila. If not it definitely started with a D of some sort. The other woman's name was [Y/N]." He hummed. Daryl tried not to show it on his face as his heart skipped a beat before dropping into his asshole. His mind raced a mile a minute with questions of: How could I have missed her? How couldn’t I have known? How could I have given up so easily? Trying to focus on the wall straight ahead of himself, Daryl chewed his nails trying to force himself to focus on the conversation. But as the taste of blood filled his mouth and the feeling of Carol's eyes burned into him unhelpfully he could feel himself spiral further. The only thread of rationalism he could seem to cling to was that [Y/N] was not an uncommon name before the turn.
The rest of the meeting seemed to move by in a blur for Daryl. He knew he should have been paying closer attention. That he should have been able to control the pounding of his heartbeat in his ears. But as Rick's voice became murmurs and Negan's replies became mumbled fog. Daryl simply hoped that Rick was taking in the important information as he stood abruptly making the chair he was sitting in clatter to the floor. Eyes. There were so many eyes on him it was suffocating. Daryl's grip on the table tightened to the point it made his old joints pop as he glared into the silence caused by his interruption. "Need air." was all he could get out as he stormed out of the room. Pushing open the door he found himself out on the streets of Alexandria, pacing back and forth from the front step to the garage, debating if it was wise to climb on his bike and take off into the woods now or to wait it out and hear what Rick and the others had to say. It wasn't long before Carol came chasing after him. Their endless game of cat and mouse in full effect as she simply stood on the stairs watching him pace. "Daryl..." She said so lowly it was hardly a whisper and in that moment Daryl wanted to collapse and break down. He wanted to allow himself to overanalyze everything Negan told him. But he couldn't. Not when he needed his wits about him for the mission. Not when he couldn't be certain what he heard wasn't just his over active imagination again. Not whenever your name was just thrown into the conversation so casually. "Rick will understand if you choose not to go... there are so many others that can go with." She said it so surely. And for a moment Daryl felt... an ease of calm wash over him that was indescribable. He'd think after so long after not knowing he'd be itching to get to you but now faced with the uncertainty of it all... all he felt was nauseated like he couldn't take a full breath or else he'd hurl all over the pavement. The option to not go was unacceptable and not even an option he knew that. He wouldn't let himself accept it. But knowing there was always a chance, a choice to turn away and keep from hurting himself more was comforting. "But..." She started more confidently this time. "I understand if you need to go... And you know we'll all support you through it. Even if it ends up not being her." Carol said calmly, walking down slowly and catching Daryl mid-pace standing directly in his path forcing him to stand stiffly in front of her. Reaching her hand out carefully she brushed the hair from his face before pulling him down to her level allowing him to rest his head on her shoulder. "But, no matter what happens. Even if it is her. You have to promise me that you will please... just come back home in one piece." She whispered, kissing his forehead. For the first time in so long he couldn't remember, Daryl cried real tears that left him feeling better instead of feeling hollow when he could breathe again.
Rick had decided that it was better to leave sooner rather than later. Whether it was for Daryl's peace of mind or his own, the archer couldn't truly tell. Hours had passed since they had left the gates of Alexandria. The trio marched quietly on over the dirt and leaves of the forest. Daryl couldn’t seem to quell the anxiety that bubbled and boiled in his stomach. Taking down the odd walker along their trail seemed to take the edge off. It helped to do something so familiar, something he knew was good at. Maybe the only thing he was capable of anymore. For a short while Daryl thoughts were empty. He let his body move on auto pilot. Circling the trail just like a shark before coming back to round on the others. It wasn't long before he was pulled back into his sick and twisted reality. Rick sent him the odd glance he assumed were supposed to be reassuring but after everything the man had gone through in life it only managed to look constipated. As the pavement they were walking turned to a well worn dirt path carved into the forest Negan sighed glancing to Daryl. “Do I get to be let in on whatever the fuck is going on? Or do I have to ask?” The tightness of anxiety exploded inside of Daryl's chest not letting him breath let alone speak. Swallowing hard he shrugged. Negan hummed. "Well something ya heard set ya off. Or ya wouldn't be acting so damned strange." Negan remarked. Daryl simply glanced at Negan. How could he explain ten years of grief in a way that sounded reasonable? Did he even want to try given Negan's past? He knew whatever hope was brewing in his mind was a long shot but then again if it was false hope would Negan be able to answer those questions? Daryl sighed looking to the ground. It was better not knowing than relying on a snake in the grass. Rick's concerned eyes said it all. He was thinking the same thing. And it killed Daryl to think that he might not have grown stronger at all in the ten years... or worse he he'd grown to the point of being so weak that the disappointment of loosing your trail would no longer phase him and he'd have accepted your loss without blinking an eye. Daryl feared himself the most out of all of this and it drove him nuts. Glaring at the ground he shoved his hands into his pockets, ignoring the intense stares his friends were sending his way. "I'll take that as a fuck you then..." Negan sighed.
Reality faded into a blurry void as the dead leaves and gravel crunched under feet. Focused solely on his senses Daryl took down every walker in a twenty foot radius of the trio, despite there not really being a need to. His nervous energy would allow him to do nothing else. Time after time he came back onto the path to reconnect with the others to reassure them he was still following covered with dirt, sweat, and walker blood. It was on one such silent check in that Negan suddenly grabbed him by the crossbow strap and Rick by the wrist. Negan's face was twisted into a horrific glare as he stared up at the branches of the trees. "Heard something in the tree." He whispered softly, gesturing to the slow moving shadow in the canopy above them. Taking slow and precise steps Daryl became all the more aware of the crackling of the branches over head. Pulling his crossbow over his shoulder he quietly cocked it, loading it with a single bolt as they walked on the dirt trail. Doing their best to make as little noise as humanly possible. Taking aim the smell of the dead assaulted the senses much faster than the sounds of their groans. Daryl frowned at the dead dancing at the end of a rope lining the path not far ahead of them. Makeshift stakes surrounded the tree in which they hung kept people away from ending their suffering. Wooden plaques with the names and crimes of the dead were nailed into the ground. They simply read: Here Hangs: John Headberry - Treason. Kaden Patenson - Murder. Grace Freelance - Arson and Murder. Peyton Freelance - Conspiracy. Jason Greenwater - Kiddnapping May they forever pay. Eyeing the tree Daryl felt a chill run down his spine as he shook his head. He would never understand the cruelty of mankind. "They were damned good people..." Negan muttered, looking to the ground a pained look on his face. "Damned right they were." An unfamiliar voice called from behind the trio. Whipping around to face the voice, Daryl drew his crossbow aiming directly for... a child. The boy who could be no older than fifteen had windswept shoulder length blonde hair that covered his grey eyes. Black soot like dust was smeared across his eyes and face in what looked to be a purposeful pattern. He was thin, not only from malnutrition, although if Daryl had to guess he would assume that had a lot to do with it. The skin he could see from underneath the black panther's pelt he wore as a cloak was pale and horrifically marred and scarred. How they got there, Daryl didn't know... nor want to know if he was being honest with himself. In a brief second of indecision Daryl found himself lowering the bow and unable to fire on the boy that looked all too much like Rick's eldest son. Rick must have felt the same way as the pistol he had pulled in self defense shivered in the air and lowered despite the teen pointing what looked to be a very sharp stick at the three of them. Negan however... he never wavered. "Fuckin' brat. You tryin' to get yerself killed, Lee?" He growled, grabbing the end of the makeshift spear and pushing it away from their chests inadvertently making the boy stumble a few steps back as he tried to hold firm in his resolve. The kid, Lee growled glaring at the ground before turning his gaze onto Negan. "No! No, you don't get to just call me Lee! Like nothin' happened at all! Fuck you!" He growled defiantly, tossing his spear to the ground in a huff. Negan frowned but stayed silent. "You up and disappeared when we needed you most!" He hissed, his voice cracking showing his age jabbing a finger at Negan's chest. "Look. Look at all those faces! They died because of you, Negan! They died cause you left. And, they ain't the half of those who sacrificed their lives for the greater good of the community. And what's fuckin' worse!" The boy's voice wavered and broke as a sob ripped through him. "Momma... she was so sure... so certain you'd come back riding in on your trucks to save her like you did the first time... but ya never did." The boy finished, mere inches from Negan's face.
At first Daryl wasn't sure how to react. He was stunned. Of course he had heard other communities talk about how their deals with Negan actually benefited them in the long haul but he never really believed them at all. He thought that maybe it was a fear tactic Negan had on them. All part of the torture and profit plan. But as this boy glared daggers into Negan, and Negan simply looked... apologetic and slightly heartbroken. Daryl was reminded that Negan, despite all the shit he put them all through, was in fact human too. "Your momma?.. You mean Delila's gone?" Negan asked softly. The boy huffed swiping fat tears from his face but he nodded all the same suddenly looking so young and fragile. Negan reached his hand out gently gripping the boy's shoulder, squeezing it for as long as the boy allowed before he shook it off. "She was a hell of a woman Levi." Negan whispered. Levi nodded swiping his face more, taking deep calming breaths to try and soothe himself. "Why are you here Negan? If you're here to get your shit you're several years too late..." Levi finally whispered out, glancing around Negan himself to warily judge Rick and Daryl. Negan shook his head with a sigh. Looking at the ground than to Levi. If Daryl guessed Negan was trying to find the right words to explain things to the kid... but instead Negan just pushed back his hair. "Look kid," He started solemnly. "I don't do that extortion racket anymore. We're just here to figure out what the fuck happened here." Levi frowned deeply rubbing his arm self consciously. "So what your tellin' me is you don't protect people no more... You just let 'em suffer?" He asked seriously. Negan sighed scrubbing his face. "Look, kid." Rick chimed in stepping forward. "Negan's just been real... tied up recently. Quite literally. Now he's tryin' ta make this right. So you can either tell us what the hell is going on and take us to the other's to make sure everything's ok... or we can find out for ourselves." Rick's voice became venomous as he glared at the boy, readjusting his grip on his pistol for good measure. Levi, seemingly sized Rick up before turning his gaze to Daryl. "They your new shit kickers?" He asked Negan. The leather clad man laughed elbowing Rick hard in the ribs. "Fuck I wish... but nah. These are just some... concerned friends of mine. Rick," He said jutting his chin out at the greying man. "and Daryl." Negan finished gesturing towards the archer. Levi seemed to think on this for a moment looking up to the tree full of walkers. "It wasn't long after the last time you checked in before Giedion started acting a fool again..." Levi muttered. "He started preaching to the community that if we simply believed in his word than the people the community would be kept safe from the walkers. If they got bit they wouldn't turn because his grace would heal them... It was all a crock of shit and all lies he spun before you came along accordin' to momma." Levi took a shaky breath leaning down to pick up his discarded spear. "Dangerous fuckin' lies." Daryl found himself saying before he could catch himself. Levi nodded meeting his eyes. "It got more people killed than the bastard would ever admit... I remember the horror of loved ones turned into walkers roaming out of the clinic. Giedion would always claim it was because they didn't believe hard enough. Their faith wavered and so they turned and they deserved it." Levi shook his head in disappointment. Negan looked pale and sick. "He started getting harsh with the women in the community a few years after you disappeared. He started punishing women around the community for not making dinner fast enough. He burnt all the women with hot coals as punishment one night for it. Although we never saw it I'm sure he started beating on momma and [Y/N] again. Put momma in the clinic more times than I can count. That's what finally killed her." Levi said. "What about [Y/N]? What happened to her?" Negan asked before Daryl could formulate the words.
Levi smirked a bright light filling his eyes and filling them with life and vigor. "[Y/N] stayed strong through it all. It was as if she was born to exist in adversity. If it wasn't for her we wouldn't be here today." Levi said confidently. "She met with a select few of us and started a rebellion against Giedion. She trained us to fight walkers, how to avoid walker bites more regularly. That and she actively tried to save bite victims by amputating when she could instead of simply letting them turn. I think that's why Giedion started beating on her more. He got suspicious when less and less town's folk died of bites. When momma died a few weeks ago [Y/N] appointed her kids and me as heads of divisions to the rebellion. Together we struck down four of the five head leaders who were mind controlling the community. We currently have Giedion incarcerated right now but that's only because the few that are still brain washed by him refuse to let us properly deal with him. However..." Levi shuffled his feet looking down uncertainly. "last night, [Y/N] went missing after she and Giedion went for a walk together. They were supposed to be discussing peaceful negotiations, figuring out how to move forward in a community that relies on them both. And as much as I hate to say it there is too big of a population in the community that clings to Giedion's belief system for there not to be an uprising if [Y/N] took over forcefully. So I get why she wanted to try and talk shit out... we thought she should have been safe. She was armed. He wasn't. But when he said he shoved her into the heard to escape it... When he said that he just stood and watched her get devoured until there was nothing left and that it somehow proved that she was the least worthy to be saved and blessed by whatever he fucking believed in... we all collectively lost our shit. His believers riled up to save him from us and had to be detained until further notice. Some of his followers that liked [Y/N] changed to the rebellion including my grandmother. [Y/N]'s kids had to be held back from outright killing him until we get more information... and I came out here to distract myself from doing the same... the bastard... my own father took not only my momma from me but a woman I see as a second mother as well." Daryl's heart beat in his ears and his skin flushed. [Y/N] had been here just mere days ago... now she was missing and feared dead... again. What a fucking world. Biting the side of his thumb Levi watched in interest for a moment. A small smile forming on his face as he watched. "I'll take you back to camp with me for now... it's getting dark. You three can decide what to do in the morning... Just let me finish what I came to do." Levi muttered gesturing to the walkers hanging from the tree.
The walk to the community was much longer than Daryl had expected. Maybe that was because his mind was preoccupied with other things. He wasn't focused on the path ahead. He wasn't focused on the walkers that threatened them at every turn. Rick and Levi took up the task of taking down the dead. Negan walked side by side with Daryl, sometimes guiding the archer with gentle nudges, gestures to stay on the winding path as they walked. "Ya finally gonna tell me?" Negan asked breaking the silence, watching Rick and Levi take off ahead to take care of a small but manageable hoard of walkers that were headed their way. Daryl took a shaky breath coming to a complete standstill on the path. The hot tears that fell felt so much more painful than the hopeful ones he allowed himself to have back at Alexandria with Carol. Quiet heart wrenching sobs ripped through him as he paced back and forth across the path where they were stopped. The look on Negan's face, understanding and concerned was not what he expected but he accepted it all the same. "I-I..." he tried to say shaking his head. "I think... she's my wife... [Y/N]." Daryl finally got it out. He said it out loud for the first time. And it fucking hurt like hell. Negan didn't say a word but the way his eyes shimmered in the dying light was proof enough to Daryl that there were a million questions formulating on the tip of his tongue. "Well, fuck, Daryl." Negan finally said reaching out to grasp the archer's arm firmly. "We better get up there so we can have a good old fashioned family reunion."
Daryl was grateful that Negan didn't make a fuss out of his breakdown. Instead taking up for him claiming that the archer had a bug in his eye. It wasn't much longer before the lights of a tiny town caught their eyes. The smell of wood smoke familiar to their noses by now, however the murmuring of people outside their makeshift homes did nothing to ease Daryl's anxiety. The community was small. There were maybe 12 cabins in total with one large sturdy one everyone was currently gathered around. A fire was set in the yard of this cabin, meat cooking over the flames and several elderly people warmed their hands against the heat it produced. The place looked like it used to be an old boy scout's camp ground with various weathered flags hanging around and totems sticking out from the ground. Animal skins hung from each home that matched the pelts that the people wore around their bodies. Walking up to the crowd gathered around the fire Daryl cringed away from the intense overwhelming silence that fell over the crowd when they stepped into the light. "Levi... What have you done?" A woman within the crowd gasped. "Are you trying to get us all fucking killed?!" A man screamed out. Daryl could see a father usher his young children behind him. A teenaged boy stepped between Negan and his family, his mother placed a gentle hand on his shoulder keeping him from stepping any closer. An elderly woman pushed her way to the front of the crowd a wide smile on her face, white wispy hair falling out of the braids that careened down her sides. "There's my boy. Welcome home." She mused, her accent thick and heavy, with her arms wide. Levi smiled softly at the woman, kneeling down to place his gear down before hugging her tightly. "Hola, abuela. ¿Cómo va todo?" Levi asked softly. The older woman laughed looking towards the travelers Levi had brought with him. "No es tan interesante como lo que trajiste a casa." She whispered, pinching Levi's cheek hard. "So, Negan..." She said firmly walking over the leather clad man. Negan stood straight smiling down at the small woman. "Are you here to help? Or to take?" The woman muttered seriously eyeing Negan. The greying man stayed quiet for a moment shuffling his feet. "Help." Rick finally answered stepping forward. But he was ignored completely by the woman who glared at Negan. "There is nothing left to take. The storage lockers were all emptied after you stopped showing up. The food supply started to dwindle. Now with the rebellion we are in dire straights. We have nothing but the clothes on our backs and enough to make it through the winter should you allow it." She muttered earnestly. Negan sighed and scrubbed his face. A tense silent moment passed over the crowd before he nodded. "We're here to help Gabriela... just like Ricky said." He chuckled smirking as Rick smacked him on the arm. "Then you should come inside. There is much to discuss before the next sun." She said nodding to the large cabin. But as her eyes met Daryl's she stopped staring at him for a moment gauging and judging him. Her stare burned into Daryl's skin like hot coals, instinctively making him flinch away. "He's here to help too ma'am." Rick said trying to reassure her, but instead the woman took a step closer to the archer. "You look so familiar..." She whispered. "Maybe it is nothing... but I believe we may have met before. If not in this life, surely in another." She says softly. Daryl shuffled his feet not entirely sure of how to respond. His eyes drilling holes into the ground and yet he could still feel hers staring hot into him. Chewing the side of his thumb to distract himself from the feeling he caught a glimpse of her smile. It was so similar to the smile her grandson had sent him in the forest not too long ago that it rattled Daryl slightly but he tried not to think too hard on it. "Now I know... come there is something you need to see."
Leading the men through the crowd the woman parted the people with an air of authority that Daryl knew Rick envied. The murmurs of the crowd never ceased but dimmed as they passed. Climbing the stairs to the cabin Daryl could hear glass shattering. Levi jogged to the door and swung it open just in time to watch a glass vase fly past his face. "It's 'bout God damned time you got back!" A male voice screamed from inside the cabin. Crossing the threshold into the cabin, Daryl was shocked to see two teenagers. Daryl felt his heart squeeze and his stomach flip. The girl looked so much like [Y/N] did when she was sixteen it was uncanny. Daryl had to pinch himself to be certain he wasn't dreaming. But as the girl turned to look at him with piecing blue eyes Daryl's heart sang. There were four adults placing themselves protectively between her and a teen boy who paced the entire length of the room. His hair was cut in a short crew cut. Physically it was like looking into a mirror that reverted him to his sixteen year old self. The boy was a spitting image of himself with the temper to match. The only glaring exceptions were [Y/N]'s soft eyes and the small glimpse of Merle he could make out in this boy. Daryl felt nauseous. He didn't want to get his hopes up. Didn't want to get his heart broken again but... what if they were his? The feeling of a cool soft hand in his own brought him back to reality. Looking down he met the elderly woman's eyes once more who smiled almost reassuringly. "Who the fuck-" The boy screamed pulling Daryl's attention once more. With one movement the kid flipped an end table and smashed whatever was sitting on top. Feeling the hand slip out of his own Daryl watched as the woman walk up to the teen, anxiety tightening his chest. "Abuela." Levi urged from somewhere beside the archer. Reaching out a hand the woman touched the boy's arm. "Destroying what you own will achieve nothing." She said softly. It was like a switch was flipped and Daryl could visibly see the teenager physically relaxing. "Negan, Rick and Daryl are here to help." She said introducing the trio, gesturing to them all. The boy eyed them warily. The girl nodded. “Hi.” She said so softly Daryl barely heard her. The woman smiled gesturing for the girl to come closer. “This is Fawn and her twin brother River." She said kindly, wrapping her arm around Fawn's shoulders. "Damn have you two grown." Negan said fondly a smile pulling his lips shaking his head in disbelief he stepped forward. "Ya'll probably don't remember me much." He muttered lowly. Fawn eyed Negan warily. River's head dropped staring at the ground staring at the carpeted floor in silence as if it were the most interesting thing in the entire world. "Don't think too highly of yourself Negan." Fawn hissed taking a step forward to jab her finger into his chest. "How could we possibly forget a good for nothing, two timing, piece of shit like you?" She growled glaring at him hatefully. Daryl watched Negan carefully. So sure he was going to retaliate. But the leather clad man never moved. Never even flinched. Just frowned down at the girl as she huffed and began to pace across the room. "Ya know Momma actually kinda respected you in a weird way." She growled glaring at Negan. The graying man nodded silently. "Good... then you're gonna help us find her. Got it?" She ordered so defiantly that a chill rolled down the trio's backs. "Do I need to fuckin' be here?" River asked looking to Gabriela. The elderly woman looked up to him with kind eyes but nodded her head. "Just stay until we finish talking... Then you can take a walk." River nodded once before pushing past Negan and Daryl to stand in the nearest corner watching the others like a hawk.
Gabriela flipped a few chairs back over and placed the cushions back in the couch that River had tossed around. "Come sit." She urged to the circle of chairs that now sat in the center of the lodge. The crackling of the fire place and soft murmuring of people's voices outside the cabin were all that broke the silence as the group found their seats. But Daryl found it too difficult to sit for long. Anxiety coursing hot through his veins. But if Gabriela minded him standing and pacing she never seemed to say it out loud. The elderly woman picked at her nails, taking a deep shaky breath as she seemed to think about what she wanted to say carefully. "I am willing let you and these men stay here with all the amenities you need." She paused, taking another shaky breath. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she closed her eyes preparing herself for the words needed to be said, her bottom lip quivered and finally she spoke. "But... I need you to get my son to tell the truth... and then-" She stopped once more covering her mouth as a silent sob wracked her body. Levi wrapped an arm around her delicate shoulders squeezing her lovingly. "I need you to kill him. He's caused too much hurt and suffering to this community. It needs to end now." Silence once again gripped the room. Daryl could hardly imagine the pain Gabriela was feeling. Glancing around the room he took in the expressions of the others. Fawn who sat stoic next to Negan had pulled a knife from her sheath and using it to dig dirt from under her nails. River leaned up against the walls chewing on the side of his thumb. Nether twin seemed especially phased by this news. "Ok. Done. We already promised Levi we would help." Negan agreed easily. Too easily for Rick. "Wait... ma'am I apricate the amenities I do. But... ta just kill him? Is there anything else-" But Gabriela shook her head. "Just find [Y/N] that's all we ask." Daryl nodded. "We will. I promise." He muttered meeting Gabriela's gaze. "Daryl... we need to talk about this." Rick whispered shaking his head. "Nah... It's settled. I'm doin' this." Daryl growled turning to glare at Rick. "Now you can either come with me... or you can leave in the morning without me but I ain't leavin' without her... not this time." He muttered.
"Wait..." Fawn whispered sitting straighter in her seat as she turned to face Daryl. "What do you mean this time?" She hissed. Watching as River pushed himself away from the wall and take a few inquisitive steps forward Daryl cursed under his breath. "Awe c'mon kiddos." Negan started an insidious smirk gracing his lips. "I'd think you both were smart enough to figure it out by now..." He teased, standing up to wrap an arm around Daryl's shoulders. But when the twins only stared at him more confused Negan rolled his eyes exasperatedly. "This here... is your Dad." He stated, patting Daryl on the chest for effect. The archer growled pushing Negan's arms away trying desperately to ignore the strange looks the twins were giving him. "God Damn it... Why'd ya have ta say that?!" Daryl hissed, backing away a few steps. Fawn stared at the archer stunned and shocked white while River was clearly pissed. "Oh yeah?!" River growled sarcastically. "Well where the hell were you all our lives and why do you give a fuck about Momma now that she's-" River cut himself off, turning away from the group. With baited breath Daryl watched as tiny tears prickled the corners of River's eyes as he huffed and lifted a delicate blown glass vase that rested on the end table next to him. Flipping it over in his palm River watched as the water and flowers inside poured out of the vessel poured out before whipping the glass at the wall past Daryl's head. "Ya know what... I don't give a fuck!" River screamed walking towards the oaken door. "Fuck this... I gotta take a fuckin' walk." River huffed grabbing his coat from the hanger before throwing open the door. "River!" Fawn screamed out trying to keep her brother from leaving. But he was already gone the door slamming hard behind him as he left. "Let him go." Gabriela urged reaching down to pick up a stray broken piece of glass. "There are more pressing matters at hand right now. You three can discuss this later."
The silence that encompassed the hall after River walked out was palpable. Rick was still staring at Daryl and Negan who had sat back down. Fawn fidgeted restlessly in her seat and Daryl could only assume what thoughts plagued her mind in this harrowing moment. Levi and Gabriela seemed to be the only two who had their wits about them as they spoke in Spanish to each other. About what? Daryl had no idea and at this moment he had wished he had taken those Spanish lessons from Rosita. "My grandma says that Gabriel is incarcerated in the basement of this cabin. He is chained up and should pose no threat to you... however you have every right to end his life should he act against you." Levi stated rubbing the old woman's shoulders as heavy sobs ripped through her. Negan nodded looking to Daryl and Rick. "Thank you... We'll go get on it." Negan muttered standing without a second thought despite the way Rick grumbled and opposed. "I'll take you to the basement." Fawn said standing a little too quickly, looking a little too excited. But Negan shook his head a gentle smile gracing his lips as he walked past her. The boards under his feet creaking with every step he took. He patted her on the shoulder turning to her only slightly as he passed. "Fawn, darlin'." He started softly, the teenager huffed and turned on her heel to follow the ex-warlord looking mildly annoyed. "I apricate the offer. But why don't you just wait at the top of the steps?" He hummed trudging towards the basement door. "I want to help! I want to be the one that kills him!" She growled chasing him. Negan rolled his eyes and stopped at the door, grasping the brass handle tightly he turned to Fawn, followed closely by Daryl and Rick. "Look, princess." Negan hissed, pointing at the girl. "This isn't going to be some walk in the park easy sunshine shit I think you think it will be... so tell you what... if you really want you can sit on the bottom stair and watch but if you interfere at all. You and I are gonna have major problems. Do I make myself clear?" Accepting a pitiful nod from Fawn, Negan swung his hand over to Rick, glaring at the bearded man. "Ricky... you need to quit your bitching." Negan ordered curtly before pointing at Daryl last. "And you get to keep an eye on that daughter of yours. Or I'm gonna get real pissed and you know how I get when I'm pissed." Negan threatened swinging the basement door open released the helpless cries of a desperate man. Negan stood straighter fixing his leather jacket and twirling his bat in his hand in a way that only brought horrific flashbacks to Daryl's mind. "Do I make myself fuckin' clear?" Negan asked seriously. Daryl found himself nodding without realizing it, Rick only glaring in response. But Fawn crossed her arms over her chest staring back at Negan defiantly. "I'm going to kill him..." She said authoritatively.
Negan scowled at the girl but didn't say a word about her outburst. Instead he gestured for the others to follow him down the stairs. The wooden boards creek and whined under the weight of the group as they thundered down them. Nails poke precariously from the sides of each boards, swaying like the waves of the sea as each person placed their weight on each stair. The moans and cries of the man held captive in the basement down below was accompanied by the rattling of the chains. Mumbled screams of a man broken comes from the basement below. Coming to a stop Negan turned allowing Rick to squeeze past, stopping Fawn and Daryl on the wooden steps with a look that would kill if he let it. "I'm damned serious." He growled looking to them both pointedly. "Piss me off and see what happens..." Pointing to the last step with Lucile he glared at Fawn. "Sit." He ordered. The teen glared at Negan, simply staring at him, refusing to move for a long moment until finally she plopped onto the bottom stair crossing her arms over her chest. "Happy?" She asked sarcastically. Negan hummed looking to Rick. "Hold that door open." He muttered pointing to the splintered wooden door keeping them from the man on the other side. "She wants to watch... Let them watch." He muttered lowly. "'sides we might need Daryl's brand of..." glancing back at the archer he eyed the leather clad man. "Persuasion." He muttered and although his voice was lilted into it's old uncanny expressions Daryl could see in Negan's eyes. The greying man was truly not enjoying this one bit. It was a job. It needed to be done.
Rick sighed and nodded that scowl from before permanently plastered to his face as he jostled the door before giving it a good push and opening it. The man inside was chained directly to the floor by his hands and his feet. Keeling on mud covered knees the man looked up to the people he believed to be his saviors through two large black eyes. His light brown hair was matted with blood and his plaid shirt was coated in the same dark substance. "Who-" He cried wincing away from the door. But when he noticed Negan at the entrance his skin went pale white. "Fuck... Fuck... FUCK!" He screamed out scrambling to get as far away from the man as physically possible by pulling and ripping at the chains making blood ooze from his wrists. Negan took a deep breath giving the man his signature smirk as he walked into the room, twirling Lucile with each step. "Gideon... Gideon... Gideon." He muttered, circling the quaking man like a shark. "What the hell have you been up too while I was away?" Negan asked kneeling down in front of Gideon, placing Lucile down with her blunt end on the ground twisting her so that the man could get a good look at her. Daryl knew he was fucking with him. Knew from personal experience... but if anyone was going to find where [Y/N] was... it was him.
The man shook his head, his eyes flicking from Negan to Rick fearfully before they landed on Daryl and Fawn. A sudden wave of rage washed over his face. "What lies did those fucking twins tell you?!" He hissed, glaring at Fawn. Negan however did not seem to like his change in attitude. Grasping a fistful of brunette hair, he forced Gideon to look at him. "Don't look at her." He growled. "Matter of fact. Keep your eyes on me. If you don't I can help it so you never look at another person ever again... Got it?" Negan hissed, pulling his knife from his belt holding the blade dangerously close to Gideon's eyes. "Now... tell me." Negan said twisting the man's hair painfully. "What the fuck did you do to [Y/N]?" Gideon whined but as Negan brought up your name he stiffened and glared at Negan. "Why do you-" He cut himself off, blinking and suddenly bursting into a fit of manic laughter. "Oh! I get it now." He nearly yelled. "I always knew those bastards weren't mine..." He muttered through a fitful chuckle. Negan, Rick, and Daryl stared at the man as if he'd finally lost his mind. "You just put that together..." Negan muttered smirking and nodding along, backing off a bit, still holding tightly to his knife. "Nah... I knew from the moment that bitch showed up... but when you did... all high and mighty with your trucks and your guns..." Gideon became quiet glaring at the ground. "Shoulda figured the kids were yours." He muttered meeting Daryl's eyes. "Ya look jest like them... wonder if yer that guy she talked about in her sleep. The archer?" He sighed shaking his head slowly with a rumble of his chest. "Bet that means Levi's actually yours then?" He asked Negan smirking up at him. Negan scowled down at him, shaking his head as he stood. "God you are fucking pathetic." Negan sneered. "Just answer the fucking question before I have to hurt you..." But Gideon just smirked up at him silently . "I killed her." He laughed.
Ice ran through Daryl's veins and the world around him faded as if he had tunnel vision staring at Gideon. It was silent for a long moment before Rick spoke. "What do ya mean?" He asked. He always did have the most level head of the three of them. He could handle a lot that the others would explode at. Gideon turned to smile at Rick with an evil and soulless glint in his eyes. "Took her out back and shot her like the bitch she was." He mumbled out through manic laughter. "Tied her to a tree and everything-" Before Gideon could finish Negan's fist had connected with his skull bringing the man down to the ground. "Tell me where she's at! Now!" He screamed emitting all the rage that Daryl was feeling but using all of his strength to simply pace the small space in front of the stairs like a caged animal. "Why so you can see her all turned like a-" Gideon sneered once again cut off by the arrow that nearly missed this time. Daryl had had enough. Storming into the room, Rick held him back as best he could. "Daryl!" Rick tried to reason through the fog of red he was seeing. If Negan cared about his outburst, he never said anything, simply lifting Gideon by the hair to look at Daryl. "Want me to let him have you? Then tell me!" He growled, kicking the leader while he was down. Spitting blood onto the dirt below Gideon was silent for a long time... too long. "Bout a mile outside the compound. You might find her tied out there... then again how long has it been?" He didn't get a chance to finish his own thought as a deafening shot pierced the air and blood poured from his mouth as he gasped for his very breath. Negan, Rick, and Daryl turned to the stairs wide eyed and shocked staring at Fawn sitting just as she was told. Glaring hatefully at Gideon she had a small pistol drawn, smoke still rolling from the barrel. Fawn stood slowly, shaking with rage as she approached Negan holding her pistol out for him and pointing to Lucile with her other hand. "Now." She muttered. Dropping Gideon to the floor, Negan sighed, taking Fawn's gun and ruefully handing her Lucile before taking a few steps back. Meeting Rick and Daryl's stunned gazes he shrugged as Fawn took the first swing. "She didn't move."
Emerging from the cellar blood splattered and with a new understanding of the girl, Daryl stood out in the grass smoking a cigarette. Rick stood close by, giving him the space he needed but he knew deep down, his friend was keeping an eye on him. Fawn had gone to wash off before their track in the morning. Which from what Daryl could tell by looking to the sky wasn't too long now. The fire illuminated the empty courtyard. An old overgrown sand pit that once was used as a outdoor volleyball pit was swarmed with traps for the undead. The Tiki Tower that he could only assume boy scouts had to climb for some asinine game of get the flag or something he never experienced as a child, glared down at him in the dim light judging him for his sins. Taking a long drag he held the smoke in his lungs looking at all the cabins he could see in the darkness. Two forms, one tall the other a bit shorter ducked behind the nearest one. Cocking a brow Daryl tossed the butt of his cigarette to the ground stamping it out, batting the cloud of smoke that circled his head. "I'll be back." He called to Rick, gesturing to the cabin with his chin. Rick, silhouetted by the fire, tilted his head to the left and nodded silently. Taking the first steps Daryl felt like every noise his footsteps made were amplified. But maybe that's what Rick meant by overwhelmed, over stimulated. He tried not to get jumpy. Tried not to take every noise as an afront to his senses. But the sound of the leaves rustling ahead of him from behind the cabin put him on edge after everything. Rounding the corner he flicked on his flashlight, holding his knife out, ready to defend himself and the others if he needed to. But as River knelt awestruck in the beam of light. His lips red and plump, spit still dripping from his lips and chin as the other young man leaning against the wall scrambled to fix himself, Daryl knew he fucked up. "Uh..." Daryl muttered, his face burning bright red taking a step back. The young man with long black hair glanced between the two looking almost sick. "Dude!" He huffed stumbling away from River shaking his head as he rounded the other side of the cabin. River growled, glaring to the ground, covering himself helplessly with one hand. Reaching around himself with the other he grasped a small rock shit-whipping it past Daryl's head. "Get the fuck out of here, old man!" He screamed, doubled over on himself. Daryl wanted to fix it. To say he was sorry... but he knew better, backing away he walked back to stand next to Rick. "Go well?" Rick asked, a small smirk playing at his voice. "Shut up."
As the morning sun filtered through the leaves, Daryl paced at the entrance of the path they were all to take. Negan watched him carefully. Rick however was trying to reason with Levi, Fawn, and River and was failing miserably. "Look... you all should just stay here... who knows what we'll find." He muttered, going full cop mode. Fawn blinked unimpressed however. "You could find our Momma." She muttered. "Yeah... but-" Rick drawled. "Even if she's dead it's better knowin' than nothing." River growled, kicking a pebble off the little path they stood on. This was a waist of time... Daryl thought rolling his eyes. "River." Levi sighed, patting his shoulder. "What River is trying to say is..." Glancing past Rick to the path he sighed. "We know this area better. You need us if you want to have a chance to find [Y/N] alive. And they deserve to know her fate... it's their right as her children." He finished crossing his arms over his chest. "If ya don't want me to come... fine. I'll stay. But take the twins at least." Rick sighed, glancing over his shoulder to the others. Daryl felt like he was literally about to implode. Throwing his arms up in the air he shook his head taking a step towards the ex-cop. "I don't know what your waitin' for Rick! We're wasting daylight!" He hissed. Negan rolled his eyes and gestured to the kids. "They wanna come. Let them." He muttered, gesturing with his chin to the path. "Now lets go."
Spreading wide across the forest the group started to search for any sign of you. Rope or chain wrapped around trees. Knives or weapons discarded. Clothing. Anything. Suddenly Daryl felt all too raw. Felt like it was the first day all over again. I'll call out your name, but you won't call back. Daryl thought a dreadful terror washing over his entire being remembering every time he searched before. Clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides he tried desperately to make your name come to his throat when the others called out. Rick's concerned looks along with Negan's sideways glances were all becoming far too much for him... his chest felt tight. Like even though he was at a walking pace on flat land he was climbing that cliff back at the farm again. Drenched in what he thought was sweat he swiped his face, soon realizing that it was tears he was wiping away. He couldn't seem to catch his breath no matter what he did. So he slowed down, leaning against a tree to try and regain his composure. The crunching of leaves and breaking of twigs rang in his ears. As the footsteps grew farther away he slowly could feel the breath returning to his chest. "Givin' up?" A voice called out and at first Daryl thought he was loosing it. But as he looked into Fawn's eyes he sighed frowning. "Nah. Just-" before he could finish the girl's hand jutted out and grabbed his wrist, pulling him along beside her as she walked. "Shut up." She ordered. "If ya ain't giving up then look! Do your best no matter what happens! That's what Momma would do." Her voice cracked slightly at her mother's name and a sadness filled her eyes that broke Daryl's heart. Clearing her throat and shaking her head it was like nothing ever happened and the girl was stoic and strong once more. Pulling her to a stop once more Daryl ruffled her hair. "Thanks Fawn." He whispered a small smile playing at his lips as the pair rejoined the others.
Hours passed. More walkers went down than Daryl had expected. You were not one of them that any of the group could tell. Each one of the group went through the downed walkers one by one to be extra certain. Stopping at a small creek to wash off and rest the group tried to devise a new plan. "We've been circling the camp all day." Fawn nearly whined, stretching out her calves. "It's the best we can do if we want to search the most space." Rick argued. "What if we we start raking the area in straight lines?" Negan asked looking at the shoddily drawn map that Rick put together. "We could go back, start here and fan out as we get farther from the starting point." He suggested, shrugging slightly when Rick looked to him. "We could but that means we'll be alone out here... I don't like that." Rick muttered. "And we already looked from here to here." Fawn pointed out. Daryl sighed scrubbing his face. His ears began to ring again as he turned away walking down the creek. Levi sat not to far away from the group wildling at a piece of wood. Giving the blonde a small nod Daryl stepped into the water feeling the coolness of the water wrap around his feet as he walked. Small fish and trout swam up stream along side him as he walked. Kneeling down he scooped some water into his hands watching as it slowly began to run a ruddy rust color as the blood was washed from his hands. Wiping his hands on his shirt he stood, his knees popping painfully. Walking a bit farther away from the group, Daryl froze when a clod of dirt rolled down the hill into the water. "Ya followin' me now?" River growled from where he stood on the hill. His back was to Daryl pissing into the trees. "What is it, old man?" River hissed, turning to look at the archer as he yanked his zipper up. "You get curious after last night? Well too fuckin' bad... I ain't into older guys." River growled, storming over the bank splashing loudly into the water. Daryl winced and couldn't help but feel the hot flush of guilt wash over him as River glared at him. "Ain't like that." Daryl muttered. "No?!" River yelled, reaching down to grab a long stick. "Cause that's what it looks like to me, ya old pervert!" He screamed, pitching the stick at Daryl. Sadness and sorrow filled Daryl's heart as the branch hit his chest painlessly snapping into several pieces, rejoining the water it was retrieved from. "River-" He tried, whispering lowly taking a step forward. "Wha'?!" River screamed beginning to pace the small space between the two banks. "What do ya want from us, huh?! If ya don't want our shit... and ya don't want-" He cut himself off grasping at the short hair on his head desperately a small whine escaped his throat. Daryl didn't dare say another word. Stepping closer to the frail boy he had been too scared to call son he reached out hesitantly. Touching his shoulder as if he'd burn the boy he gentled him closer. "Hey." He whispered. "It's alrigh'." But River just shook his head, trying to push away at first. "We'll find her." Daryl whispered. Suddenly River stopped, frozen as if by time. "How can you know that?" He whispered brokenly through heavy sobs. Daryl hummed, looking past River's shoulder to Fawn, Rick, Levi, and Negan who all came running as soon as they heard his son's first shout. "Because we're not alone in this."
Daryl walked side by side to his kids listening to them bicker back and forth as the group trudged forward. They had decided that the best course of action was to travel to the areas they hadn't checked yet, not back track. And so they continued on their circle path around the compound. The sun was just starting to lower when River came tumbling into his path... laughing. "God damn it Fawn get yer own path!" He muttered, attempting to shover her back over to the other side but only managing to shove her a few inches. "River, you know better than to-" Levi called out from somewhere beside Rick and Negan before Fawn launched the scrawny boy back into the brush and over the hill. "Bitch!" River laughed after the crashing stopped. Daryl couldn't help the amused huff that escaped his nose as he walked to the edge of the ridge. "Ya, ok?" He called looking down on River. The boy nodded already working his way back up the steep incline. A small glimmer in the distance of the trees behind River caught Daryl's eyes. There, chained to a tree, surrounded by the dead was a woman slumped against a large oak tree. "Fuck..." Daryl whispered fear crashing over him. "River stay down there." He ordered, turning to face the others. "Got somethin'! Come on!" He yelled, mentally marking where the tree was before moving to slide down the bank with River. One by one the others joined the father and son at the bottom of the ravine. "Where at Daryl?" Rick asked, tapping the dirt from the back of his heels. Daryl glared into the forest in front of him. "There." He pointed to the largest of the shadows. "Saw her on the largest tree." He mumbled, taking off without further explanation. "You sure?" Rick asked as the others followed dutifully along. "Ricky," Negan hummed, clapping the sheriff on the back, "you can either stay here or follow and find out... those seem to be your choices about now..." He mumbled taking his first step to follow along. "Ya sure it's her?" River asked, jogging to keep up with Daryl. Pushing past branches and leaves Daryl wanted to guarantee it. Even if it was for his own selfish reasons. But time after time he was proven wrong so instead he stayed quiet.
As the tree came into view and the stench of death assaulted their senses Daryl stood staring in awe. The walkers were piled three or four high around the woman chained to the tree. Some had slumped off of the pile and fallen to the forest floor creating a fifteen foot radius of rotting dead bodies around this woman, chained to the grand oak tree. Her unconscious form was slumped over, head hanging low. Her hair had shimmers of silver in it from age. The shirt she had been wearing was torn in several places and was pulled out of shape, from the walkers grabbing at her, Daryl assumed. Blood pooled beneath her from a wound in her side and her skin was gray and ashen. "No, Momma!" Fawn screamed at the top of her lungs, tears rolling down her cheeks. Sprinting forward to get to her, Levi caught her by the middle, gently lowering her down he held her close as she sobbed helplessly. River stood stock still, pale as a ghost staring at the woman. He didn't say a word but shivered helplessly as sobs wrecked his thin form. Negan sighed walking in front of the boy, trying to get him to snap out of the shock he entered into. Daryl... Daryl felt like he'd been hit in the chest with a brick. Staring at [Y/N] he felt old emotions rising. He'd come so god damned far for it all to end... here. Little too late. Stepping forward, wading into the sea of the dead, he felt Rick grasp his wrist. A familiar but kind firm look in his eyes told him all he needed to know. He'd do it... he'd do it so Daryl didn't have to. But Daryl shook his head trying so damned hard to fight the urge to wrap himself around Rick and cry. "Just make sure the kids don't see." He muttered, so lowly that he wasn't sure he said it aloud. But as Rick nodded, moving away towards Levi and Fawn he knew he'd stay good to his word.
The dead squished beneath his shoes, skin slicking off of bone as he stepped. He tried not to step in any chests, not wanting to smell the rest of the day. Not wanting the reminder of what he had to do lingering on him long after his third or fourth bath. Step by step Daryl trekked ever closer. Images of you standing at the farm an arm full of flowers as you checked his temperature after he had fallen and had gotten hurt flashed before his mind. Step. Drinking hard whiskey together at the CDC like it was your last day alive he remembered pulling you into his chest, the smell of the pine shampoo you barrowed from the scientist wafting from your hair as your laughter rang through the metal walls and your skin warm from drink. Step. Laying side by side desperately trying to quietly catch your breath after laughing your asses off in the cramped tent outside of the farmhouse your fingers intertwined in a not so secret romance. Step. Looking into your eyes in the dim moonlight from the balcony you both shared back at the prison, that feeling of pure blissful domestic romance you both believed could last forever. Step. The moment you "married" without rings or papers, promising to take his name and love him forever atop the guard tower. Step. "Until death do us part." you whispered cheekily, kissing him deeply. Stepping into the bare grass between you and the bodies he froze staring down at you, hands shaking at his sides. He could feel his friends eyes boring into his back. Fawn's distant wails were muddled as the ringing in his ears only grew with the passing seconds. Pulling his knife from it's place on his hip Daryl knelt down. Tears streamed down his face as he stared. You looked so peaceful almost as if you were asleep. If there was some peace he could hold in his chest... you hadn't turned... he was too late... but barely. Reaching out his hand he gently brushed your hair away one last time. "I-I'm sorry..." He whispered.
But as your eyes flew open and a loud fitful gasp filled your lungs, Daryl couldn't help but jump away landing on his ass. You looked around, your eyes glossed over but the heaving breaths you took didn't sound raspy like that of the dead. Meeting Daryl's eyes your concerned expression melted into one of acceptance. "I-Is this heaven? Or did I fall straight into hell?" You asked, your voice raspy from screaming. It's silent for a long moment. Only the sound of the forest around you all. But before Daryl can even begin to formulate a sentence on his tongue that isn't heavy ugly heart wrenching sobs, Fawn flew over his shoulder, splattered in the blood of the undead she clambered over before instantly clinging to her mother. "Momma..." She sobbed, nuzzling her head into [Y/N]'s neck. "Hey... what are you doing here baby girl?" You whispered, your voice shaking in delirious confusion. "We came to save you, Momma." Fawn whimpered.
Everything seemed to be moving so fast and Daryl felt stuck. Like a statue. He could only watch as River rounded him, glancing worriedly at him before hugging his mother tight along side his sister. You looked so lost. Your hair a tangled, matted mess. But still so beautiful to him. Rick and Negan were quietly bickering back and forth as they tried to break the lock that held the chains keeping [Y/N] bound to the tree. Moving slowly, as if encapselated in the molassas jar his own momma kept high on the shelf when he was kid, Daryl sat up on his knees. Truly unsure of what to do... after so long he was so sure he'd have been searching the rest of his life... But here you were. inches from his face. Breathing. Living. Alive. "Daryl..." You gasped as the chains finally fell from your body. Falling forward you were too weak to keep yourself upright anymore. Fawn, River, and Daryl moved to catch you. Your laugh. Something so sweet, so musical that he was sure he'd never hear again rang like bells in his heart as you placed your hands on his shoulders. Pushing yourself up enough to see him you smiled. "Long time no see." You whispered meeting his eyes. "Until death do us part... right?"
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beebeesiims · 8 months
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noemy anjelica ortega for @therichantsim.
foodie. creative. gloomy. dm for download!
grew up in her mamí's kitchen in del sol valley. has always dreamed of having her own restaurant and has a LEVEL 7 in cooking as a result.
an only child, but always wanted siblings desperately.
had her daughter raven at the beginning of her sophomore year in college and lost her to meningitis in her senior year. will be mean to you if you ask her when she's having kids (you'd be surprised how many people think it's an appropriate question, whether they know about raven or not).
won't hesitate to exercise her LEVEL 5 parenting skill on your kids if you don't keep them in line but she always defaults to hugging it out first because...to be honest, she probably likes your kids more than you.
stopped wearing earrings when raven was an infant because of grabby baby hands, and it's the only thing she's never been able to pick back up in the many years since.
recently picked up yoga, but is only at LEVEL 3.
is a drink your water girlie.
owes her LEVEL 5 baking skill entirely to the fact that she uses baking to help her think.
will pick a pattern over a plain swatch any day.
was signed up for this by her mother, who kinda thought it was a cooking competition until halfway through the application. she blames her friend from the salon who called it "that burn challenge, or something." when she sent suggested she sign noemy up.
has friends, but will cancel plans with most of them to stay home and play cards with her mom and her friends.
wears socks in bed and will not take criticism.
loves a 2am snack run.
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rp-meme-world · 2 years
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LOSS starters
(most taken from film/TV) change pronouns where necessary. tw: death, grief, loss, PTSD, depression, etc. 
❝ i used to love coming here. but now... it just reminds me of everything that i’ve lost. ❞
❝ i can’t start crying. because i don’t think i’ll stop. ❞
❝ you can lose more than just people. ❞
❝ death doesn’t let you say goodbye. ❞
❝ who was it? ❞
❝ what happened? tell me what happened. ❞
❝ i’m here if you need to talk. ❞
❝ i don’t want to talk about it. i just want to cry. ❞
❝ i just need some space. ❞
❝ he’s dead, isn’t he? ❞
❝ this isn’t real. ❞
❝ i’m not ready for this. ❞
❝ i don’t understand why i’m not crying. why i don’t feel anything. ❞
❝ this wasn’t supposed to happen. ❞
❝ he was a much better person than i am. ❞
❝ i couldn’t help her. ❞
❝ it was my fault. ❞
❝ it wasn’t your fault. ❞
❝ the worst day of loving someone is the day that you lose them. ❞
❝ i can’t just say goodbye. i have too much i want to say. ❞
❝ grief can bring out the irrational in all of us. ❞
❝ it’s too much too fast. ❞
❝ is it okay to move on? ❞
❝ i feel like i should have moved on by now. ❞
❝ i lost them both. ❞
❝ i loved her. i loved her so much. ❞
❝ it’s not true. ❞
❝ please tell me it isn’t true. ❞
❝ you’re lying to me. ❞
❝ i just keep seeing it. over, and over again. ❞
❝ i can’t get that image out of my head. ❞
❝ i keep having this dream. ❞
❝ crying isn’t gonna bring him back. ❞
❝ there’s nothing left. ❞
❝ i should have hugged him more. ❞
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rissynicole · 8 months
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Rissy, what do you think Dib’s and Gaz’s mom was like?
Ayyyyy, hey Dots!!
I’ll start by saying that I actually flip-flop a lot between giving Dib and Gaz a deceased mother and making Dib and Gaz clones created by Membrane. Both concepts are fun for me and have their own possibilities.
Probably my biggest instance of giving the Membrane family a deceased wife/mother was in A Parade of Indignities. I wrote some little vignette-esque snippets of Dib’s and Gaz’s mom told from Dib’s POV as a small child. I didn’t expand much on her character, other than implying she was very maternal and headstrong in the face of terminal illness. Of course, I wrote this in 2018, and it was mainly written as further insight into Dib’s past and his emotional growth in his teenage years.
But back to the actual question: what do I think Dib’s and Gaz’s mother was like?
I’ll toss around some ideas I like!
I actually love the concept of Membrane meeting the mother of his children through work is an intriguing thought. Them both working as scientists and being badasses together in the lab, then forming this little family is such an interesting, but melancholy idea of what could have been. I imagine she would have been like Professor Membrane’s counterpart. His better half. When he gets too emphatic, she’s there to bring him back down to earth with logic and reasoning.
Another concept I like is that Dib’s mom was an astronomer. This idea for her paints her as more of a whimsical spirit. She’d bond with Dib over the expansiveness of space and it’s many unknowns. She instilled a deep fascination in him to discover more about the unknown and unexplained. Maybe she was interested in the unknowns on Earth and her interests carried over to other paranormal entities (cryptids and ghosts and whatnot), but it all started with space. When she passed away, Dib held onto that love for the unexplained and expanded on it. Might also be why his father is so unwilling to humor Dib’s interests in it—it reminds him too much of his late wife.
I enjoy the “late mother/wife” concept, but I think a majority of my interest in it lies within the headcanons I can make on the surviving Membrane family members. How does the death affect them? How do they carry on?
I think each of the family members has fixated heavy on different things to cope with the hurt: science for Professor Membrane, gaming for Gaz, and paranormal investigation for Dib. They have poor communication skills and kind of bury themselves in their own interests.
I think her passing left their family dynamic in shambles. There are little glimmers and glimpses of a once-functioning family—organized family dinner nights, attempts at bonding, infrequent but genuine shows of affection for one another—but these are often lost in the fray.
Membrane becoming a total workaholic to replace the void of losing a spouse seems like a frighteningly realistic headcanon. Even more frightening is the idea of him becoming emotionally detached from his own children out of grief. Grief turns people into strangers to themselves.
So yeah! I like to think of little headcanons for Dib’s and Gaz’s mom/Membrane’s late wife. I think that any rendition of her I concoct involves her being a loving mother, having a sharp mind, and leaving her family deeply hurt by her loss. My biggest interest in the concept definitely lies in the ways I can explore grief, though.
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legionofpotatoes · 9 months
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this year can honestly go fuck itself
after a week of post-surgery ICU we lost my uncle. stuck in a haze somewhere between anger and sadness right now. second time this past year that i had to sit with my mother and promise her that a person close to us would pull through their hospital stay, second time I was proven wrong almost immediately. i want to peel my face off and scream from my bones.
the deaths really just start coming and never let up once you grow old enough. and you gotta keep finding new places to store all that grief, like some demented game of tetris in the brain. not even a pause button to catch your god damn breath
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skullkxd · 2 months
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;;
Just got some news that one of my best friend’s family members passed away. Gonna be on and off for at least a couple of hours.
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tofeelthecold · 2 months
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I did the hardest thing today, I put my best friend to sleep. Being home without her hurts. Seeing her bowls and water fountain and blankies and toys all around the house hurts and makes it feel like she’s just hiding under a bed sleeping. I rarely share irl stuff but I had to share. I will be on a hiatus for a small bit. But u wanted to share my baby with all of you. She was 19 and she was the best girl.
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heirbane · 3 months
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4. Five times touched... 🐺🐇 :>
touched. / @daizure
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Maybe he was trying to drown. The more he lost, the more glass bottles and thin, fluted glasses graced his lips, sweet and bitter, tolerable and horrid all at once. It helped him sleep. It helped his mind quiet, no longer as loud as the crashing waves against the cliff sides but more akin to the lull against shore, gentle and creeping until he couldn't remember what had plagued him.
Once, he would have thrown himself into his work. Once, Gaius would have donned weighted fatigues and pulled soldiers out of their platoons, running drills and sparring until his heart thrummed in his ears.
He was lost at sea now, without the capacity to run himself until oblivion as he once had. Now he simply had to wait to drown.
He reached out, intending to finish the last of the bottle, the firelight crackling with laughter ahead of him. How he had fallen, it chortled. He had hit the ground and continued unto hell.
When would it stop?
Smooth leather met his fingertips. Gaius felt himself flinch, an action pulled from the depths of his inebriated instincts, and turned his citrine gaze to the man who had crouched beside him.
For a moment, they stayed still. Arye scant looked his way, his smaller hand still gripping around the bottle with such might that Gaius believed he was simply laying claim. He let out a long exhale.
"As you wish."
Arye wrenched the bottle from him. In a swift movement, the man stood, and all at once Gaius watched as the bottle went flying. It collided with the firewood, glass shattering, and what remained of the spirits went up in flames, the fire grateful for the offering.
It continued to laugh, tendrils of heat reaching for the sky, begging for more. That was all it could do.
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He wondered when Allie took up collecting.
The barracks of Garlemald's soldiers had always wanted for decor in a way that was intentional. Soldiers weren't to want, nor to have desires: they were to fight, and such things as trinkets and favored items were frowned upon. Humanity made them weak, Solus had believed.
It was a habit that carried into Terncliff, malms and malms from his home, years past being a proper soldier. His cottage was blank. He had bought the necessities and nothing more: his own bed had scarcely more than a single pillow and a single blanket, and, unconsciously, he had forced the same onto Allie.
But it seemed with each passing day that a Moogle graced his doorstep that the house became fuller. At first he had believed it to be his daughter's doings, visiting the market and buying trinkets with her own coin or combing the beach for shells and glass. Lidded jars sat in the windows, frosted seaglass positively glowing in the sunlight; sea shells of all sizes and variety appeared atop the fireplace mantle and on the washroom counter.
That was, until he appeared in a Moogle's place.
Gaius had scarcely felt as dumb in his life as he felt in that moment, fried eggs sizzling in the kitchen and his hair scarcely combed, when he opened his front door and peered down at a white-furred being that decidedly did not say "Kupo".
"Is Allie afoot?"
He paused. He looked over his shoulder, full knowing she wasn't, and spoke:
"No, she's - ... on a date. Brunch."
Arye had pushed past him, as if searching for the teen on his own. When Gaius' words sank in, however, his ears twitched, swiveling his attention to the Garlean.
"Oh."
The eggs sizzled, scorching in their pan. Gaius attempted,
"You could stay, and - "
"No."
He thrust out his armful. Gaius had been so preoccupied by his being that he didn't notice the overflowing blanket that had been carefully folded and held with care. Now, Arye seemed as if the item disgusted him, boots heavy on the stone flooring as he went to take his leave.
"For her. It was too heavy for the Moogles to take from Yanxia," he said curtly. "I'll - be back. When she's around."
Arye fled, the heavy wooden door slamming shut in his wake. Gaius stood, thumb stroking over the intricate weave in the karakul wool.
Huh. Mayhaps it hadn't entirely been Allie's doing...
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"Get up. Get up, damn you."
The townfolk that had seen the Blasphemy had claimed it to sound human, that the wicked sound had put a pit in their stomach. As the world began to fall apart, they barely knew what to do with themselves. Once, Garlemald had helped build their seaside home, encouraging trade and advancements in farming. Once, Gaius had walked the stonework and looked for weak points to patch and mend.
He had been trustworthy once, the eldest of them remembered. And so they had come to the old wolf with a chance to redeem himself: not as a Garlean, and not as a Legatus, but as Gaius Baelsar.
He would not tell them no.
He wished he could have.
It was a Weapon. It was half-human and half-machine, sinew replaced with tubing. When it opened it's maw, lined with rotting, steel teeth, it was to jeer at them all. Gaius felt as if he had departed from his own body, his gunblade foreign in his hand.
It unleashed a sound that nigh echoed Valen's laughter, wet and poisonous and rancid.
Gaius didn't remember giving orders. He didn't remember being in his own skin, flooded with recollections of his children as their souls were torn from their aether, as they fused with the machina they piloted. It defied nature. It defied science.
Maybe he hadn't done a thing at all. All at once he was startled awake, gasping for air in a way that felt as if his lungs were on fire. Arye appeared above him, positively blocking out the sun and wearing it's rays as a halo against his locks. He heard Allie weeping not far away.
When had he gotten here? How had he the time to save the world and such a place as this? Had the rest of the realm begged him for assistance, too?
Arye's bare hand fisted the front of his armor. It had been the best the Werlytans could scrounge up, padded cotton and hemp, leather reinforcements for those who stood at the front line. He yanked, forcing Gaius into a seated position even as the world swam.
Allie stared at him. Arye cursed. He felt the man's palm against his back and under his ribs, the action ripping a sound from him that felt black and horrid.
Maybe he was getting to die here, he wondered. After it all. Maybe he would get peace after all.
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He could breathe. They were small, shallow things, his subconscious more aware of his plight than he. It was dark and drizzling, the moon but a sliver in the sky as it peered through his window shyly.
He had not died. He had yet to feel relieved in that fact: Gaius simply felt old and haggard, beaten unto oblivion and drug back to the shores of the living. Maybe his age had finally caught up with his spirit.
He heard a wheezy sigh at his side, and then the throaty inhale of someone who had their nose broken too many times. He became aware of the sheer number of people asleep in the dark: the chair to his study had been brought in, as well as the rocking chair from the living room. He felt Allie's small hand in his own, even as she slept turned away from him, a pillow carefully dividing them - her attempt to keep from hurting him in her sleep.
Valdeaulin snored. His feet sagged the mattress where he slouched, his chair at the foot of the bed. When Gaius turned his head, he saw moon-white hair curling on his pillow. Arye had claimed the study chair, contorted in such a way that looked uncomfortable, his forehead on his arm and his hand outstretched in his direction. His fingertips just barely brushed Gaius' sleeping shirt.
He had not died. He felt old and exhausted, weary and threadbare, but his throat was thick and he found it harder to breathe than before. He squeezed Allie's hand, and slowly - uncertainly, unaware of the full extent of his wounds - placed his other beneath Arye's.
He brought their intertwined hands to his lips. The moon watched as he wept.
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Gaius had learned far more about the Scions and their small spats than he ever believed he could. Had he been but half a decade younger, he wondered what this information would have done for him in Garlemald.
Perhaps not as much as he wished, he mused. The Lalafell's blackmail attempts aside, they were fairly moot points; the rogue and the celestial mage had not been intermingled until recently, so it would not have been useful then. The witch's shift in aethersight was a boon, despite it's challenges, and the dragoon's fondness for Thavnair was expected. That bit of information was one he already knew - they had crossed paths more than once after their excursion to Garlemald.
But the Warrior of Light was a storyteller, and he would not turn down the chance to hear Allie laugh... even if it meant his daughter telling stories of her own.
(He pretended he hadn't heard her mention kissing the girl she was dating, or that she had trailed off and laughed in a way that he hadn't ever heard, that both were lost under the popping of bacon and popotos.)
Arye appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. His mug was empty, and he gingerly put the tea bag in the trash. With a familiar ease, he dug into the cabinetry, fishing out cutlery and plates for all three of them.
"She hadn't told me she was that involved with her," Gaius grumbled. He heard the man snort, his hip colliding with the Garlean's thigh as they stood side-by-side.
"Maybe you'd know about her if you invited her for breakfast instead of just me," Arye spoke.
It was Gaius' turn to huff, defensive and dismissive all at once. He watched the rabbit's ears swivel, mischievous and coy, as he laid claim to two of the finished plates and disappeared back into to the table Allie sat at.
He was right. Somehow, he usually was. Gaius ran a hand over his face, picking up his plate in one hand and his walking cane in another, and made to join them both.
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soupywrites · 2 months
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My Wish
TW: death, loss, grief.
I wish my mother wasn’t surrounded by people dying.
That her profession allowed her to be a little more kind.
That she knew how to handle her own children crying.
Because all of the people around them are dying.
I wish she knew that the world was too much.
It didn’t matter where, or when, or how, and as such,
When forced to deal with grief so bad we cannot touch,
She’d finally realize that the world was too much.
It’s not just people in our own close circle.
It’s people all over the world, it’s external.
Everyone is forced to deal with the hurdle,
Of knowing that it isn’t just people in their own close circle.
The killing and destruction and death will not stop.
Until one person is to rise to the top.
Until one person stands on top of the rock,
The loss of our people will never, ever stop.
I wish my mother wasn’t surrounded by people dying.
That she decided to be a little more defying.
And hold her sunken children as they are crying,
Because all of the people around them are dying.
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lighthouseborn · 4 months
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fellow "holiday season is complicated for grief reasons" kids wya? how r u doin this year? ilu. i've got a ten year dead parent membership card if you want to come cry about it being year two or year one or year six and a half or something/anything, i got you, i know ♥
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fenixburned · 3 months
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anyways sorry for the inactivity when it comes to actual writing!! work has been killing my vibes & that just adds to the general january blues & the fact that I need to write my thesis. but I’ll try tomorrow!! 💖
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rorynne · 2 years
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Remember, part of mourning is being upset at missing the things they would have done. Its thinking about all the ways they fit into your life and mourning the loss of that as well. So as you are mourning techno, its okay to be upset that hes not going to be streaming anymore, or that his lore on the dsmp is suddenly halted with no clear continuation. Its OKAY. That is PART of mourning. As long as you are respectful, there is no shame in expressing upset as exactly what entails.
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lcvelxss · 4 months
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@rcvcrics asked:
🎵 100 - sarah & emmeline || You Found Me - The Fray
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Sarah took in a deep breath at just the thought of her mother. "Losing her, the only one who's ever known who I am, who I'm not, and who I wanna be..." She trailed off as she let out a sigh. "I suppose there's always the chance she'll show up here too, right?"
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