#listen this was a fuckin journey okay
Note
Can we have a part 2 Deadpool reader with the boys and maybe soldier boy too❓❓ if you want to of course
ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ The Boys x Deadpool!Reader
t/w: loooots of dark humour/jokes, reader's origin will be explained underneath, reader is still an asshole lol that comes with the character, mention about killing,death,gore, weed, drugs, Reader is gn!!!
ᯓ★ here's a version with the seven, kiss kiss <3
Origin:
Quick summary, when you were born, your parents had agreed with Vought to have you be pumped full of Compound V so you could grow up and be a hero working under them, but the problem was when you were around 7, they changed their mind so Vought ended up sending several people to come to your house to settle the matter.
Your whole family was massacred in the living room during thanksgiving and when they tried to capture you. You were able to run away. Homeless and living on the street, you grew up in a life of crime, depending on nobody but yourself. Make sense? No? Good! Let's start now.
BUTCHER
To him, you were like a fly that won't leave him alone.
How he knew you was through Mallory, she thought you were okay and fit for the job since you hated Vought just as much.
Obviously he didn't like you once you were introduced to him and the two (M.M and Frenchie)
"No way am I lettin' a supe join us"
":("
Though after what happened to Mallory's grandchildren, the gang pretty much dispersed but wherever Butcher went, you followed. Since he was the only person you trusted... and also enjoy annoying the shit out of.
He'd head inside a club, relieved he hadn't seen you for the past few days so he decided to grab a drink by the bar to unwind.
"Whiskey" He said with his eyes looking around, paranoia shown on his face.
Once his drink was served, he would look back to find your eyes smiling at him, you were wearing a bartender disguise over your red suit.
"Did you miss me?"
"Oh christ..."
When you heard word that he was gathering back the team, you had to be there. What kind of friend would you be if you didn't?
Undoubtedly he had to admit, there were times where he was grateful to have you on the team but there were also other times he regretted it.
For example, that time when you guys needed to sneak into a lab to get something and the goal was to stay quiet but even that simple rule was hard for you to follow.
"Room's up ahead. (Y/N) I need you to—"
"Heads up!" You said as you threw a bomb at the metal door.
The explosion causing the alarm to turn on and it had the whole lab now on high alert. You shrug innocently when Butcher glared at you like he wanted to tear you apart.
Also, you enjoy constantly pissing him off. You can't die so you don't really care if he'll kill you for it.
"Maybe, if you didn' press the fuckin' button, we wouldn't have to come bac' to save yer ass from the guards"
"OOH GOD SAVE THE QUEEEN!! Please, cry me a fucking river. I got us the target didn't I?"
"He's dead"
"Well you weren't being specific when you said to capture him"
But it's fine, all his frustration will be solved once he uses you as bait. He knows you can't die but hey, it makes him feel slightly better watching you get shot at.
Despite your ups and downs, he appreciates you. When the team would turn against him on his insane journey for revenge, he always found you the only one still standing by his side. You're loyal and he likes that.
Compatibility? 75%
HUGHIE
You treat him like a child.
No seriously you baby talk him sometimes and it annoys him
"Awwwww is little hughie angry?"
"Stop..."
"Does baby want his milky?"
Since he's pretty much the only person who isn't that exposed to crime as the others, he's terrified 100% everytime when he's paired up to do any dirty work with you.
"Now listen buddy, you better start talking or I'm gonna shoot" You said, gun raised at the man who seemed to be begging you to spare his life in a language you didn't speak.
"I don't think he speaks English"
"Ah shit... ENGLISH!! SPEAK!! ABCDEFG??!"
"How is shouting in English gonna make him understand?"
"Eh, you're right"
BANG
"WHY'D YOU SHOOT HIM??!"
"Well did you expect me to pull out Duolingo and start taking classes?!"
You had to admit, it was a pain in the ass each time he starts giving you the cold shoulder whenever he gets mad at you for doing something terrible. It was like his way of guilt tripping you so you always try to apologise in your own ways.
"Hey..." You said, handing him ice cream.
"...I uh... I don’t like Strawberry ice cream... I thought I told you that"
"God you're so ungrateful!!"
Since he was such a scaredy cat, you try to tone down your craziness a bit. For the sake of him not going into cardiac arrest.
"(Y/N) STOP!! She has nothing to do with this!! She was tricked" Hughie grabbed you by the arm to pull your gun away from the innocent woman.
You turn your head to look at him, then at the woman, then at him again, then the woman, then him again.
"Ugh finnnne... you're boring..."
However, he does appreciate you trying to be a better person. Even you had to admit, after you met him and became friends. You noticed yourself being less brutal than you used to be. The thought keeps you awake at night and it scares the shit out of you.
But oh well, how could you ever say no to those scared little puppy eyes?
Compatibility? 55%
FRENCHIE
He's like your hype man which is concerning.
Not because you're not afraid to get the job done but also because you always have his back.
"Well... I need some gunpowder but I've run out of them" Frenchie said, telling Butcher that the plan was most likely not gonna happen.
"Hold on" You said with the typical comical ☝🏻 gesture before heading into a different room. Everyone exchanging confused glances at what you could possibly be doing.
After a few minutes you'd return with a bag of gunpowder while struggling to zip up your pants with the other hand.
"Don't tell me how I got it. It almost tore me apart" You said, rubbing your ass.
On stressful nights, you guys would enjoy smoking weed together by the sofa and share stories of your traumatic childhood. It's how you guys bond and it's oddly wholesome.
Also when he needs a shoulder to cry on, you were always there for him. You two shared a type of relationship that even Romeo and Juliet couldn't compete with. To be fair they're dead so they actually can't fight.
"Hey reader!! If you're gonna keep reading then you might as well give the post a like or a repost. C'mon, pleassssseeee pleasepleaseplease"
"Ma cerise, who are you talking to?"
Although he doesn't mind your behaviour sometimes but he won't tolerate it if you ever cross the line on something. He's like the owner who sprays water at his pet cat when they don't listen.
"What are you mad at me for?!?!"
"You damn near tried to get us killed!!"
"Hey! You're the one who said it would be a suicide mission so I made sure it was a suicide mission!!"
"WHAT?"
There's no way he can deny how curious he is about where you get your guns and things. He once went in your room to find boxes of dynamite and a RPG just placed against the wall like furniture.
Like do you have a supplier or are you your own supplier?
Compatibility? 99.9%
M.M
Everybody deserves second chances.
He always tells him that to calm himself down everytime you managed to fuck up a thoroughly planned mission.
"What did I say about pressing buttons (Y/N)?"
"Honestly I stopped paying attention after you said 'Listen here'."
M.M has to be the only person you fear to the fact you try very hard to avoid him, this is because his long ass lectures are such a pain to deal with.
"How many times do I have to remind you? You can't just go around doing shit like that. You gotta consider the amount of danger you'll put everyone in..."
"(Blah blah blah... he's still going... uggggh... make it stop...!)"
Unable to handle the lecture any longer, you ended up shooting yourself in the head.
"(Y/N)!" His tone more disappointed than concern since this wasn't the first time you did this to escape his talks.
You know that russian dollhouse he tries to build in season 2? Well you'd constantly be found standing or sitting near him when he's trying to finish the set.
Since you're aware of his OCD, you like to edge him on by sometimes rearranging the parts or stealing some of it so he ends up searching high and low for the missing parts.
You had to admit it was entertaining to watch him accuse other people for touching his stuff when it was you behind all the schemes.
I'd like to think that after every mission when you happen to die, he'd be the one in charge of collecting your remains so you'd grow back.
That's why it comes naturally that his job is to make sure you don't do anything extreme.
"Where are my bombs??!?!" You'd shout, storming around the place looking for them.
"I sold them. Thought it'd do us more good knowing you won’t accidentally blow us up"
"WHAT?! GOD! It's like the writers of the show couldn't afford another explosion for this season so they had to use this DUMB of an excuse!!"
Though he does see some good in you through the messed up parts, he once saw you give his daughter a cute teddy bear when they've been burned by Vought.
She still has the bear and M.M likes to think that maybe you have a soft spot for kids since you never had a proper childhood. That's why he chooses to understand you rather than just being ignorant about your behaviour.
Compatibility? 80%
KIMIKO
She finds you a little odd but she doesn't mind once she realises how everyone is used to you being like that.
Whenever you're bored, you'd come to see what she was up to. Just imagine you sitting on the sofa like a curious kid as you watch her write alphabets on the book.
She also tries to communicate with you since she thought maybe your fucked up mind would understand her better in a way. Like how in season 2 she was repeatedly writing 'boy' to Frenchie but he didn't understand, so she came to you.
"Woow... watching you try to talk to me is like watching a baby take it's first breath..."
"😐"
"It's beautiful..."
Turns out her theory was wrong, you had a harder time understanding her compared to the rest.
Since you're the only two people in the group with powers, most of the time you two are sent on dangerous missions together. It's a nightmare for her because everybody knows communication is key but one is mute and the other doesn't listen.
"(Be quiet! There's people in the other room!)" She'd sign to you but you were busy humming a song while throwing around the enemies equipment.
"Oooh, what's this?" You held up a Homelander figurine which made you laugh as you show it to her.
"Hey look! 'I'm Homelander, I'm God's favourite. I play golf with Jesus every Sunday."
"(Can you please take this seriously?)"
"You're right, you gotta stop messing around Kimiko! We have a target to kill here" You said and you threw the figurine away which apparently clashes into a stack of boxes that came crashing down. The sound making everyone inside the building grab their weapons and began cornering you two in the room.
"😡"
"Okay that wasn't me that was gravity"
For the boys, you were plan A and she was plan B. That's because you always end up rushing into a fight first which most of the time resulted in you getting dismembered, which she later comes in to save you.
For example when Stormfront had stopped you guys, your bright ass thought it was a good idea to charge at her even though everyone was signalling you to stop. Next thing you know you were just a head being carried by M.M, you ended up watching as Kimiko fought Stormfront with the help of Starlight and Queen Maeve.
"That's my girl!! Now can anyone lend me a hand? I think I lost mine"
Compatibility? 97%
Bonus +
SOLDIER BOY
You know the scene where he walks out of his containment with the gas surrounding him? You swore when you watched him step out butt naked, you could hear angels singing and trumpets playing inside your head.
Shockingly enough, he was the only person who appreciated your humour. Could be a generation thing. He's just relieved not everyone has gone soft over the years.
In a way, you feel like you've become his babysitter. Everytime Butcher and Hughie left to do some business, you were in charge of making sure he doesn't blow up anyone. You kept him entertained so he didn't mind. That's why on the hunt for his former team members, he immediately chose you to be by his side.
"I'll take red with me"
"Red as in the american flag or the russians?" You asked which had him do the typical boomer laugh.
"I like you, you're funny" He said with a strong pat on your shoulder.
Butcher doesn't mind you with him cause he trusts that you can keep him under control. Hughie on the other hand isn't sure if you can even keep yourself under control.
"Shhh... wait... do you hear that?"
"Ah shit, did I accidentally said my dirty thoughts out loud? It's just you look breedable in that suit"
Another thing he likes about you is that you're okay with killing pretty much anyone, just try not to overstep cause that could potentially piss him off.
"I told you he's mine" He said as he had you pinned against one of the trees, apparently you had shot Mindstorm in the head when he literally made it clear to you minutes ago that was his kill.
"Quite possessive aren't you? I can recommended a therapist I know. Her names Martha—"
"You shut your mouth before I shove my shield up your ass"
"Gasp don't you DARE threaten me with a good time!!"
At the end of Season 3, you would obviously side with Butcher when everyone started to turn against Soldier Boy. He had to admit he was kinda hurt though, he expected you to be on his side.
"So what? You're crawling back to him now? After what we've been through?"
"Sorry big daddy, but Butcher has been my day one and I also happen to love him veryvery much"
Cue Butcher rolling his eyes out of disgust.
Compatibility? 100% but after the betrayal? 0% 😔
#MOM CUT THE WIFI#THIS TOOK TOO LONG TO FINISH#x reader#the boys#the boys x you#the boys x reader#the boys x y/n#the boys billy butcher#the boys butcher#the boys hughie#the boys mothers milk#the boys mm#the boys frenchie#the boys kimiko#the boys soldier boy#butcher x reader#hughie x reader#frenchie x reader#mm x reader#mothers milk x reader#kimiko x reader#soldier boy x reader#billy butcher#hughie campbell#frenchie#mothers milk#kimiko the boys#kimiko#soldier boy#the boys amazon
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Peace Offerings Pt.5
Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader
Series Summary: Joel makes a bad impression on the reader when he cuts in front of her at the radio station in the QZ. Abe, a father figure to her and an informant of Joel’s, informs her that the two have something in common: A brother in Wyoming. Joel reluctantly follows Abe’s wishes when he asks him to take the reader along to help find her brother too. As the journey goes on, she finds that despite his best efforts to make her think so, Joel isn’t a complete asshole, and maybe even a little… attractive?
Series Warnings: Slow burn, 18+ Minors DNI, Age gap (Reader is 34, Joel is 56.) Sexual Themes, Violence, Injuries (depictions of blood, bruising, broken bones), Cursing, Grumpy!Joel, Minimal depictions of reader's appearance (hair color/length.)
Chapter Warnings: Canon typical suicide, suicidal ideation, claustrophobia, symptoms of a panic attack
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Part Five
My eyes shot open and the hair on my neck raised at the sound of glass crunching. I stayed still and eyed the figures approaching us. With the dull light coming in from the windows, I could just barely make out the figures of a taller man, and a small child. The figures got closer and closer, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I sat up and gripped my knife in my hand before calling out, “Don’t fucking move.” The man froze and put his hand up against the kid’s chest. My eyes shot to Joel. I was surprised to see that he hadn’t been woken up, then I realized he’d turned over onto his other side.
The two pulled guns out of their pockets. The taller boy was aiming at me and the small one was aiming at Joel. “Shit.” I whispered. “Your man dangerous?” The tall one asked, his voice shaking with anxiety. I looked at Joel. “Harmless.” I said, as I looked up to the young man. “I don’t fucking believe you.” He shook the gun in my face and I flinched, “Fuck. Wake him up and we can talk.” I shook my head, “I don’t think that’s such a good idea. Look, we have a little food and some clothing in our packs. That’s all. You can take it and get out of here unharmed. Best option in my opinion.” The man looked to the little boy, and moved his one hand, making out symbols. Sign language. He looked back at me, “We don’t want your things. We want to help you.”
I didn’t know what to do. His offer for help was confusing to me. How did he know we were in trouble? If anything it seemed like he needed help, especially having a little boy to take care of. There’s no telling how Joel would react to me accepting their help without his approval. Plus I was already teetering onto his bad side.
The man’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts, “C’mon lady!” I put my hands up and stood up very slowly. “He’s hard of hearing, can I get closer to him?” I asked. He nodded quickly and shifted his eyes to the sleeping figure. I cautiously walked over to him, and stood above him a safe distance away. “Joel.” I said. Nothing. “Joel!” I raised my voice and he shot up, first looking at me and then whipping his head around to comprehend the situation. “Eyes on me. You don’t have to worry about what to say. We don’t want to hurt you.” The young man demanded, “We wanna help you.” Joel’s eyes were wild, but he answered calmly, “Okay.” The boy shifted on his feet, “Um okay… so if I lower my gun, we didn’t hurt you. So you don’t hurt us. That’s how this works right?” Joel responded in the same tone, “That’s right.” Panic filled the boy’s voice, “That’s a wierd fuckin’ tone man..” I swallowed, “That’s just the way he sounds. He has an asshole voice. Joel, tell him he’s okay.” I breathed. Joel paused for a moment, keeping his intimidating stare planted on the man before saying in the same tone, “Everything is great.” I sighed angrily and reprimanded him for once, “Joel!” The man, still holding the gun to me shouted, “Fuck! Okay… listen, I’m gonna trust you.” And signed something to the little boy across from him. There was an exchange between them, and then he continued, “But if either of you guys try anything….. yeah?” I nodded, and he gestured to Joel who gave a small nod before asking, “Can I sit up?” The man nodded, “Yeah. Slow.” Joel raised his back off of the makeshift cot, and questioned again, “Who are you?” The man shifted on his feet again, still not lowering his gun. “My name is Henry. That’s my brother Sam. I’m the most wanted man in Kansas City.” Joel’s face dropped and so did my stomach, “Although right now, my guess is you’re running a close second.”
Once the negotiations simmered down, I offered the boys some food from my pack while ignoring the look Joel gave me. We sat around the lantern and ate quietly. “Where’d you get these?” Henry asked, referring to the sandwiches we’d split up and scarfed down. I waited for Joel to speak, but received nothing. “From a friend of his.” I answered. There was another moment of glum silence before Joel wrapped up the rest of his sandwich and leaned over to offer it to the little boy. My heart fluttered at the gesture. Maybe this would be okay. “He says thank you. I’m guessing you don’t have much so this means a lot.” Henry said after the boy signed something to him.
Now that there wasn’t a gun to my head, I told the boys my name and watched Henry sign it to Sam. We all looked at Joel who was absentmindedly chewing. I slapped his knee with the back of my hand and he jumped, his eyes shifting between me and the boys. “I’m Joel. Look, you ate. we didn’t kill each other. Let’s call this a win-win and move on.” I rolled my eyes and watched as Henry wrung his hands together. “Well, I’m betting… that y’all came up here to get a view of the city and plan a way out.”
Daylight came, shining through the ginormous windows of the conference room we’d moved to so Joel and Henry could draw out a plan. I sat with Sam and got to know him a little more by exchanging his little drawing pad he had wrapped around his neck back and forth. My heart melted from the kid’s sweet smile every time he wrote something and showed it to me, then waited for my response. As I interacted with Sam, I still tried to keep my ear in the two men’s conversation. I couldn’t make out much except for “tunnels” and “rats” which didn’t sound like much fun.
After a few more moments of giggling and talking to Sam, there was a light tap on my shoulder. I instinctively jumped and turned to see who it was. Joel was standing behind me with his arms crossed. He nodded his head towards the hallway before saying, “Come with me.” I wrote “Be right back!” on Sam’s notepad and handed it to him with a warm smile before standing up and following Joel into the hallway. He stopped a few feet away from the door, making sure we wouldn’t be heard. I stood there with my arms folded over my chest and shot him an expectant look. He cleared his throat before speaking, “The kid claims he knows his way through the tunnels under the city. Promises he can get us out with little to no risks.” I made a pfffft sound and repeated, “Little to no risks?” He nodded, and crossed his arms, “I know. Sounds like a load of bullshit. But he insists.” I stared at the floor, mulling through my thoughts. The sound of tunnels in a world like today’s did not sound enticing in the least bit. The thought actually made me feel lightheaded. “Do we have any other choice?” I asked. “I can’t think of a better plan.” he shrugged.
We packed up our things and began our journey. We snuck through a few buildings before coming to the entrance of the tunnels. Henry opened the door and started in, but I paused. My feet felt like they were glued to the ground and my legs had turned to static. I heard Joel say my name, but I just stared into the door and down the long, dark tunnel. A hand on my shoulder jolted me back to reality, and I turned to Joel. “You okay?” Joel whispered. I nodded and pried my feet off the floor to walk through the large metal door.
The tunnel was cold and had a strange, unsettling smell. Our footsteps and the sound of something I desperately hoped was water dripping echoed. I held my flashlight tight as I followed Henry through every twist and turn. Our group had been arranged into a very specific line. Henry first, Sam, me, and then Joel. My anxiety about being trapped in a tunnel was slightly relieved with the knowledge that he was behind me, but the place still started to feel suffocating after being down there long enough. I tried to steady my breathing, and dug my nails into my palms to stay alert. I must have slowed down my pace because I felt Joel’s hand pushing lightly into my back. “Come on, we’re almost there.” He whispered. His words grounded me, and I was able to keep myself together the rest of the way.
We emerged from the tunnels long after nightfall, and began to walk down a suburban street that was littered with abandoned cars. We stayed quiet and moved swiftly down the street, being sure to keep our bodies low enough to not be seen over the cars. Just as I thought we were making it through with ease, a bullet whizzed past my head. I threw myself to the ground and rolled to press my back up against a car. Joel was next to me, but Henry and Same had split over to another car across the way. I looked at Joel, his eyes were wide as he peaked over the hood to get a glimpse of where the bullets were coming from. He knelt back down to face me. “They’re coming from that house up there. I’m going to go try and take him out. You get Sam and Henry as far away from here as possible and I’ll find you.” He said as he grabbed his gun out of his backpack. My chest tightened at the thought of him leaving us, “Joel…” I said, fear tightening my throat. He looked up from his gun and saw my fear-stricken form. He leaned in and placed his hands on my arms, “Do you trust me?” His brown eyes searched my face for an answer. I closed my eyes, took a hefty breath, and nodded. He nodded and squeezed my arms before standing and sprinting off to sneak to the house.
After taking another deep breath, I stayed low to the ground and scrambled to meet Sam and Henry behind the car they were squatting behind. Henry looked confused, “Where’s Joel?” I pulled my gun out of my bag while answering, “He’s going to try to take out the sniper in the house. I’ll lead us out of here and he’ll meet us.” He nodded and took Sam’s hand. We scrambled from car to car, moving slowly, but still making progress. We took a longer pause behind a yellow car to catch our breaths when all of a sudden we heard the sound of an engine roaring down the street. Henry and I stared in horror at the giant tank motoring towards us. I shielded my eyes from the light as the vehicle approached. “We gotta move.” I yelled before sprinting through a line of cars. Sam and Henry were on my heels, but we were forced to drop down behind another car when the trucks barreled through the cars and a line of bullets sprayed down from the house. They weren’t aiming for us anymore which told me Joel had made it.
I didn’t have time to celebrate as a group of men with guns surrounded the three of us. I raised my hands above my head, and the boys did the same. “Henry!” A woman called out. I could only assume it was Kathleen. She appeared in front of the tank, her petite frame and soft features were even less intimidating than her voice was. “Remember me?” She asked condescendingly as she approached. I looked at Henry, trying to get a sense of their relationship, and from his panicked face, I concluded it was not good. “Please. I’ll surrender if you promise to leave them alone.” Henry breathed. Kathleen shrugged and trained her gun onto the little boy. What she said next made my skin crawl, “Well kids die, Henry. They die all the time. You think the world revolves around him? That he’s worth everything? Well this is what happens when you fuck with fate.” Her gaze traveled towards me, and I froze as her eyes met mine. “And you. I have someone who’s been wanting to see you.” She turned to the side to let a man walk in front of her. My chest tightened as I realized who it was. The man from the attack in the city stood there with his lip curled into a sickening grin. I shot back a menacing stare as I prepared myself to fight him yet again. “Do whatever you want to her. But him, he’s mine.” the woman demanded.The man nodded and began to walk towards me but stopped short as a huge rumbling sound filled the air. The group of people turned around and I strained my neck to catch a glimpse.
Horror numbed my body as I watched the ground crumble underneath the weight of the tank, causing a horde of clickers to come flooding out. Seeing opportunity, I grabbed Sam’s hand and began to sprint towards the house. Joel was attempting to shoot any infected that got close to us, but there were too many. We made it a few feet before the horde caught up to us and we were forced to hide under a car. I pulled in panicked breaths as I thought of our next move. Suddenly, Henry began to scream as he was pulled out. I grabbed onto his hand and tried to play tug of war with the clicker over him, but it was too strong, and pulled me out with him. I jumped to my feet and slammed my knife into the infected’s head. Henry shook its limp hands off of his leg. “You okay?” I asked him, scanning over for any bites or scratches. He shook his head and pulled his brother from under the truck. There was a lull in the waves of infected as they became preoccupied with destroying Kathleen’s people.
The boys and I were nearing the house when the woman called Henry’s name again. She was standing on the hill, just feet away from us, pointing her gun towards Henry. “It’s over Henry. Surrender now.” She called over the chaos ensuing around us. I saw her hand tighten around her gun. I was ready to push Henry out of the way, but was pleasantly surprised to see an infected little girl launch her small body onto Kathleen. I pushed Henry and yelled, “Go!” We sprinted to the side of the house, finally escaping the hell scape of the street. I began to do what I promised Joel, and ushered the boys further into the woods, but a familiar voice caused me to stop. It was Joel.
Relief washed over me as he came into view. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern. Sam threw his small body towards him and wrapped his arms around Joel’s waist. He looked at the boy, a pained expression on his face, but then reluctantly patted him on the back with one hand. I let a small smile spread across my face at the fondness Sam had developed for Joel in such a short time. I found myself having the urge to hug him too, but I quickly pushed that thought from my mind as Joel pushed ahead of us and began to lead us into the woods.
We came across a motel for the night which Joel and Henry cleared before letting Sam and I in. Henry was in the other room, tucking Sam into bed, and I sat in the living room on the couch next to Joel. I’d decided to change the bandage on my hand since I had a moment. I’d been too preoccupied to take proper care of it the past few days. “So who was up there?” I asked absentmindedly. “Some old guy. I tried to negotiate, but you know how that goes.” He said solemnly. I nodded, “Now you get why I like to take action.” I teased lightheartedly. He shook his head, the side of his lip twitching. I looked at him. He was exhausted. His eyes trained on the floor, and his dark hair ruffled atop his head. I studied the patchy beard that inhabited his strong jawline. I’d never noticed the small amount of gray sprinkled into it, showing his wisdom. I quickly shifted my eyes off of him when I noticed myself leaning towards his figure. What was I doing? This man wanted nothing to do with me, and here I was admiring his features. I sucked in a breath and stood up. His eyes followed me as I did so. “I’m going to get some sleep.” I mumbled while avoiding eye contact. “G’night.” He grunted. I nodded and walked over to the bed across the room, stretching my aching back before I laid down onto the soft, dusty mattress.
The next morning, Henry, Joel, and I sat in the main room of the motel, silently mulling last night’s situation around in our heads. We had tended to our wounds from the fights as we waited for Sam to wake up. “Alright, we said we’d let the kid sleep as long as he wanted but it’s been long enough.” Joel said impatiently. I looked at Henry who was elevating his leg. He’d twisted his ankle when he was running from the hoard. I stood up, “Ok if I get him?” Henry nodded. I turned and walked towards the door, opening it slowly. Sam was sitting up on the bed, staring vacantly out the window. “Oh, you’re up! Good morning silly goose.” I cooed. He turned towards me and immediately bared his teeth. My stomach dropped. He then jumped up and lunged towards me. I stumbled backwards as his body made impact with mine, and my panicked screams filled the air has I pushed to keep his mouth as far away from me as possible. Joel and Henry jumped up, Joel immediately pointing a gun at Sam, but Henry threatened him. “Then you better fuckin’ do something.” I heard Joel say. Sam continued to attempt to bite me but I kept pushing and kicking as panicked tears streamed down my face, “Sam please!” I begged. I knew he was gone, that he’d been taken over by the cordyceps, but some delusional part of me thought he might’ve been playing and would just snap out of it at any moment. “HENRY.” Joel screamed, and a shot rang out. Sam’s body flew off of mine from the impact of the bullet. I laid there, shaking, unwilling to look at the now lifeless child, and turned my head towards the two men. Henry still held the gun and had a vacant look in his eyes. He first pointed it at Joel, then me while repeating “What did I do?” He continued to aim the gun at me and I shakily raised my hands above my head. “Henry, get the gun off of her.” Joel pleaded in a calming voice, “Just put the gun down, you’ll be okay.” Henry stared for just a moment before turning the gun to his own head. “HENRY, NO!” Joel and I’s voices filled the air before the gun went off one last time.
I sat huddled on the floor with my arms wrapped around my knees, my eyes flitting between the two bodies. Joel stood with his chest heaving, eyes doing the same as mine. No matter how hard I tried to keep the sobs from escaping my throat, the grief was too powerful. I pressed my hand against my mouth as they came in between desperate heaves. Joel hesitated, but then came to kneel beside me. His hand hovered above my back, and then I felt the warmth of it press against me. I looked up at him, he held that same look of pity in his eyes.
I barely knew the man, but I knew that I trusted him. He ensured my safety an uncountable amount of times already. As I sat there on the floor in between the two, sweet, brave, and now dead boys, I needed a shoulder to cry on. Joel was there, though it was stiff and unmoving, it was warm and let me know I wasn’t alone. I sat up off of him and sniffled, “How did we not know he was infected? We should’ve checked.” His hand didn’t leave my back as he remained next to me, “Wouldn’t have changed his fate.” Joel grunted, “N’ Henry would’ve killed himself some other time.” I looked at him through teary eyes, “Why would he do that? In front of us?” I sobbed. Joel pressed his lips together and shifted his eyes to the floor, “Death is less painful than living after losing someone you love.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author's note:
Thank you for reading!! I'm sorry you had to endure the Henry and Sam heartbreak again :(
Next Part Here! | Masterlist
#joel miller x reader#joel tlou#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fandom#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro pascal x female reader#tlou#joel the last of us#the last of us fanfiction#tlou fanfiction#romance#slow burn#tragic#the last of us hbo#tlou hbo#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller fanfiction#forced proximity#forced proximity trope
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Hello, soo I thought on one with Jude in which your older than him (22) and you start to receive hate and people calling you cougar and he acts very mature with you.
You & I, Always
“This is fuckin’ ridiculous.” You grumbled, running a hand through your luscious locks.
You scoffed at the Instagram dm you’d received from a fanpage of his.
What the fuck is wrong with you. He’s a newly turned adult and you’re a grown woman. Get a guy your own age you cougar 🙄
This was just one of the many messages like this you’d been receiving for the past three days. You’d been dating Jude since the end of July 2021, the two of you’d gone public in November. At that time, most people adored you two. They thought your relationship was so sweet and adorable. With the exception of the occasional jealous fan girl.
However, recently, Jude’s fans had managed to find out how old you were, and well, let’s just say they weren’t happy. After realising there was a four year age different between the two of you, they went at you hard.
You were accused of being a cougar, grooming him, using a younger guy for his looks and money etc.
The hate didn’t make you cry but you sure as hell were pissed off that you didn’t do anything wrong.
“Jesus. They need to chill out.” You sighed as you read another message.
HE IS 20. WE KNOW YOU GROOMED HIM.
“Right how the hell could you groom him if you met him after he turned 18?” You best friend Zara shook her head as she read the message.
“Okay bro I get they care about Jude and all a lot but they gotta calm down.” Zara mumbled.
“Zara. I didn’t do anything wrong. Did I? Is he too young for me?” You began to doubt the certainty that there was nothing wrong with you dating Jude.
“Uh hell no! There’s no such thing as to yo—actually there is. However, Jude‘s 20 and only like two years younger. The people sending you these messages are just jealous twelve year old simps, nothing to worry about love.” Zara comforted.
You nodded numbly.
“I gotta go for dinner. Jude will be home any minute know. I’ll see you later Zara.” You hugged your friend goodbye.
“Bye Y/N. Remember love, don’t let it get to you.” She whispered into your ear.
Begrudgingly, you left Zara’s apartment and started on your journey back to Jude’s which in honesty, was not very far.
You put your AirPods in, turned up some Taylor Swift and made your way to the underground station. Just a few stops to go, then you’d be home. Humming along to Welcome To New York, you felt all of your worries had gone away. The people who insulted you on social media were just silly and jealous.
Wow, Taylor Swift really could make all of your problems go away.
You were about one stop away when you realised two girls across from you were frantically whispering. They looked about your age, maybe 20/21.
They spoke quickly and in a hushed manner. But not quiet enough, because you could understand them perfectly fine. The girls spoke in German, which they probably assumed you did not understand.
“Yeah that’s the girl. The one who’s dating Jude.” The raven haired mumbled, eyeing you up and down.
“Ah. She’s pretty.” The other one, a redhead responded.
“Yeah. But she’s like 22.” The other girl shot back.
“What? But he’s like 3 years younger than her.” The redhead’s distaste for you was growing quickly.
“Hmm. Jude needs a girl his own age.” Raven hair clicked her tongue.
“Definitely. This girl’s probably a cougar.” Redhead scrutinised the way you looked.
You felt tears quickly coming to your eyes. You looked down in embarrassment. This was mortifying. Thankfully, before you had to listen to anymore, your stop was here. You bolted out before anyone else could insult you.
Luckily, Jude’s apartment was not far from this stop. About a block. You sped walked all the way to the building and dashed in. The lobby man had grown quite accustomed to your visits and smiled as you walked straight to the elevator.
You clicked the top floor and were at Jude’s in no time. Inserting the key, you quickly unlocked the door, put your stuff down, and shut it.
By now your face had grown rosy, giving you a child like look. It was very apparent that you’d been crying the little makeup you had on was smudged. You tried very hard to clean yourself up before seeing Jude, who was lying on the sofa, playing FIFA in the sitting room.
Upon hearing your footsteps, he turned his head.
“Afternoon love dinn-Hey! What’s wrong?” He asked you, seeing your tear stained cheeks.
He immediately dropped his controller and went straight to you. Jude wrapped his arms around your waist and you compensated by wrapping yours around his neck. He hugged you tight as you cried into his chest.
“What’s wrong love.” Jude whispered, caressing your hair.
You sniffled quietly.
“It’s nothing really, just a bit emotional today.”
“If something’s got you crying, I want to know who or what it was.” Jude said sternly.
You wiped your face again.
“Just when I was with Zara, my phone started buzzing. Been getting some hateful Instagram dms about our age different and whatnot. How I apparently groomed you. Then on the way here, two girls were across from me on the train. They were speaking in German and saying the exact same things. Saying how disgusting it was.” You explained.
Jude’s stern look immediately melted to an apologetic one.
“I’m sorry love. This is all my fault. You don’t deserve any of this. They’re just jealous of how perfect you are.” He kissed your forehead.
“I’m sorry for crying.” You mumbled.
“Don’t ever ever be sorry for that.” Jude spoke, resting his forehead on yours.
“I made pasta bolognese, your favourite. Let’s go eat, yeah?” Jude suggested, linking his hand with yours.
You were so so lucky.
***
Jude had already fallen asleep next to you in the bed. His arms were wrapped around your waist, as he rested his head on your chest as he slept.
You had just finished reading the chapter of your book for the night. Sighing, you put it down and turned off the light before checking Instagram one last time. Your lips immediately curved into a smile upon seeing the first post that popped up on your timeline.
@judebellingham
Liked by @masonmount, @jadonsancho and 678,261 others
@judebellingham: my girl, forever & always♾️
Tagged: @y/f/n.y/l/n22
Comments Limited
@gioreyna: cuties 😍
@trentarnold66: soon to be best couple in Liverpool 🤩
@liliagonzalooo: my fave couple ever 🤩
@zaraaa8: u did good bellingham
@erlinghaaland: Jude’s a lucky guy.
You turned over and glanced at your sleeping boyfriend.
“Thank you Jude.”
confession time, this is so old it might be from 2021.
#jude bellingham#jude bellingham imagine#jude Bellingham imagines#jude bellingham x reader#jude bellingham x you#bellingham#Footballers#football#soccer#football imagines#World Cup 2022#World Cup#Imagines#jude bellingham blurb#bvb imagines#bvb#england nt
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The Bear & His Honey ; Chapter 8 -
♡ Chapter Inspo: Lyrics - (TS) Slut! (1989TV!) ; “You’re not sayin’ you’re in love with me, but you’re going to, half awake taking your chance it’s a big mistake, it might blow up in your pretty face I’m not saying do it anyway, but you’re going to”
♡♡》》𝟙𝟠+ 𝕆ℕ𝕃𝕐 𝔽𝕀ℂ! ℕ𝕆 𝕄𝕀ℕ𝕆ℝ𝕊 𝔸𝕃𝕃𝕆𝕎𝔼𝔻《《♡♡
♡ Summary: Carm + Winnie have an evening in together. They get wine drunk and have slightly spiritual talk over pizza. Winnie talks Carm through a nightmare. Carm gets some much needed rest, Some angsty sex ensues.
♡ W/C: 8,902
♡ Posted Date: 02/20/24
♡ A/N: (Kinda TL Don't have to read) Hayy besties!! I’ve been lookin' over the fic & judging what y'all like by the chapter likes- ok smut and Soft Dom Carm!! I’m leaning towards Soft Dom Carmy being the main trope for this fic & based on the likes y’all love it too!! He needs to build into it though for sure, Like- i'm not great at writing things close to canon- but what is canon is a pivotal part of what makes up Carmen - which is being severely emotionally underdeveloped in regards to relationships - also sexually. BUT don’t get me wrong- that man is a DOM he just needs a partner who will find that and pull it out of him. Like- y’all I am ALL for the fully anger management therapy version of Carmy tthat'swritten in to one shots here like I THIRST for it- I just want to try and flesh out the journey in between because I find it interesting. But it WILL happen in this fic- as you can tell this fic is a slow burn, its gonna be long, and I know its gonna end with Carmen being fully sexually comfortable (at least with Winnie) so expect some dirty dirty filth, carm is just growin rn okay!! I also find it fun to write kinda virgin! Carmy- I believe its canon he’s never had a gf- but I believe he’d had to have blown off steam some way in NY and hooking up on tinder since it was that time would be popular. Anyhow, enjoy this chapter!
♡ Warnings for BTC: Minimally edited, talks of spiritualism, vomiting, talks of PTSD/Panic Attacks, Sad!Carm, Fluff, (Kinda asshole) But mostly insecure!Carm, Smut! (Talks of it- oral (m) , kissing, etc just slutty shit)
➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡
➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡
.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.
The pizza had gotten there pretty quickly but considering the time of night, that was to be expected. Carmen had been sure to order Pepperoni with extra cheese per my request, and by the time the delivery driver had knocked on the door, we had already finished off my entire bottle of wine and I was in the kitchen opening another. He returns to where we had set up in the living room, putting the steaming pizza box on the coffee table. “No way- you need to finish that story, you can't just answer ‘why do you believe in angels’ with ‘I met a guy when I worked at Dunkin’ Donuts and we had breakfast every day until he died’ and that’s just… the end of the story,” he said and I laughed, coming back with 2 very full glasses of Rose and setting them down.
“That is the whole story, you mean you want the long detailed version?” I set down the 2 paper plates and paper towel roll I was holding under my arm. “Yes.. Please- how was this man an angel?” he snorted, his face flush from the alcohol as I could easily assume mine was. “Okay… his name was Harold, he came in every day, and one day, well” I took a bite of my pizza. “Like I said - my parents, they were never married. My Mom was a twin, but her sister died when they were babies- anyhow” I took another bite, realizing he was listening intently.
“Um.. yeah..” I swallow “So, my dad like- wanted nothing to do with us really, I mean- we met him a few times but… we were just like I dunno, puppies or something? Like, my dad didn’t want us, but my mom was all religious- anyway… wait- what was I saying?” I asked and he started laughing, “Fuckin, Dunkin Donuts man, Harold?” He said and I nodded, catching my breath from laughing at my own drunk rambles. “Yess! Okay, so that's why- we had no money! And with Chris and all his appointments and everything, my mom had even less money, so when I was 14 I got a job to be able to buy stuff, so anyway, I was working a shift.” I took another bite of my pizza before a large sip of my wine.
“And the angel… flew in to buy his coffee?” he teased and I nudged him with my foot. “Shut up! He’s actually the coolest person ever just listen!” I said and he nodded, going in for his second slice of pizza. “I was working a shift, and this man comes in… he looked really sick and he was like ‘ oh can I get something to eat I don’t have any money’ or whatever so I didn’t have any money to spare obviously and so I got my manager thinking this is a huge fuckin’ company - yanno being an idiot teen - and my manager was like ‘oh sorry dude can’t help you’ and so…” I took another sip of my wine before continuing.
“I took my 4.25 that I was gonna use for lunch, I figured whatever, cause this dude needs it- he looked really sick, and that he needed to eat. and I remembered, my mom always said you do things when you can cause when the lord sends his angels to test you they aren't in a suit” I shrug and his eyebrows raised. “You gave him your lunch money?” he said and I shrugged “Mmhmm, anyway- not the point this is the point, Carm, so he leaves, right? Harold comes in, he gets his regular black coffee. Goes and sits down at one of the tables by himself, he drinks it all like he usually does, just watching- waiting almost, and before he goes to leave, he comes up to the counter, and guess what he does?” I asked and he shrugs, waiting for me to continue.
“He hands me, four fucking dollars, and twenty-five cents” I exaggerate each number and his eyes widen, “what the fuck” he muttered. “And I’m like ‘ Harold, why are you given’ me this?’ And he’s like ‘Oh I don’t know honey, I just figured you can use a pick me up today’ “ I took another bite of my pizza and he stopped chewing. “That… is fucking nuts,” he said and chuckled a bit and shook his head.
“And then, every day, we’d sit on my first break and he’d tell me stories about his life, the wars he’d been in, his daughters, his wife before she died, and when he stopped comin’ his daughter came in - she told me that he told her to tell me that he wasn’t doing well and that’s why he hadn’t been by- so I went and visited him in the hospital, got to say goodbye, he was so awesome, and he would do that sort of thing all the time- whenever someone needed something Harold was just… there ya know? It’s like God..or something sent him in at a different time every morning to help someone out even in the smallest ways, He was an angel” I said and Carm nodded, putting his plate down and finishing off his own wine.
“Well, now that you didn’t make it sufferingly short, I see why you think that. I’d probably believe in angels too if somethin’ like that happened” He said and I dusted my hands over my empty plate before setting it down on the table. “So you’ve never had an experience like that?” He shrugged looking up while he thinks before shaking his head.
“Nope. Maybe you’re just magical” he pokes my nose causing me to giggle. “I think you” I poke his nose back “are drunk, and we both need to go to bed. Cmon those blankets I put in the dryer went off a few minutes ago. Let's brush our teeth before they get cold” I got up and grabbed our glasses and he took the trash “At least let me help you a little” he said and I smiled. “Such the gentleman.” I teased and he followed me into the kitchen.
I pointed to show him where the ziplocks were and put the cups in the dishwasher, taking the box to the entryway and leaving it to bring to the recycling in the morning. “Oh uhhh…I sleep…with the um-“ I started “rain sounds?” He chuckled a bit, stretching his back. “Mmhmm…” I nodded. “So uh…is that ok?” I asked and he nods “no problem for me”
I turn around and head in the bathroom turning on the light “I assume you didn’t bring a toothbrush, or are we that close already?” I teased and he snorts. “No…I did not. Got an extra?” He asks and I open my bathroom closet “you’re in luck, Sadie’s soon to be sister in law is a dental hygienist” I pull out 2 from my thick stack Sadie had put on me when she came over since she had so many laying around her house.
“Are you a green or blue boy?” I asked and he pouted playfully “no Spider-Man?” He jokes and I giggle. “Blue it is” I put the green one back and popped open the blue one, handing it to him and turning on the sink, wetting my pink electric toothbrush. I put on my anti-cavity toothpaste and handed it over to him, he did the same putting some on his brush.
“Don’t worry, I’ll time you” I said and he raised his eyebrow “what?” He asked and I turned on my toothbrush, giving him a smug smile before popping the brush in my mouth. Every 30 seconds I mumbled ‘next quadrant!’ With a small smile until the 2 minutes was up, spitting my toothpaste out and brushing my tongue as he did the same before rinsing my mouth and shutting off the water.
By the time we got in bed and shut the light off, Persephone had well found her spot between my legs, purring softly as she groomed herself for the night and I opened my phone, going to tik tok. Carm spoons me from behind, nuzzling his face in my shoulder with his arm wrapped around my waist. “What’re we watchin’ babe?” He mumbled and I smile.
“My nightly dose of giggles” I said and scrolled down my for you page, stopping on a video from ‘Secret Brittany’ and my eyes locking on the screen.
Okay guys, lock in alright? This is the plan - the military planning for the next 2-4 months of my life
Carm lets out a snort in to my neck, his hand traveling up and down my ribs as he watches with me.
I’m not going to move to Ireland- yet. I’m going to purchase bumble premium in Ireland, and I’m going to march with Irish men who want me - caveat, they want me, then, I’m going to move, and live my faerie dream
I giggled, “me” I said quietly to myself and he pinches my waist gently causing me to giggle more “you?! You’re not goin’ anywhere I dunno’ what you’re talkin’ about” he held me tighter, nuzzling his nose deeper in to the crook of my neck. “Is someone whiny and jealous? I’m sure with my red hair and thick hips I’d have guys lining up for me” I teased and laced my fingers with his.
He let out a bratty huff “I know that’s why you aren’t allowed to go” he muttered into my skin, causing me to smirk as I scrolled on to the next nonsense video. I gasped as I realized I had forgotten about getting to the next part of my absurd series about some woman divorcing her lying husband and looked up her account and Carm leans in a little closer.
“Wait…” he muttered softly as I scroll through, trying to find the last video I left on. “Who the fuck did I marry…52 parts Winnie?!” He snorts and I giggle “Carmen- shut up, shhh your brain. Get engrossed.” I said and went all the way back to the first part and I glance down at him.
“You know I’ve watched 23 parts but I’ll rewatch- cause you have to see this, and know-“ I lean in so our foreheads were touching and giggle a bit. “I’m scared” he said playfully causing me to laugh more. “Know Carmen -whatever your middle name is- Berzatto, I will always sniff out a lie- I will do my diligence- hear me?” I huff a laugh and he kisses my lips tenderly.
“I would never dream of lying to you” he said honestly before continuing. “I may not tell you everything at once, but I’ll never misguide you, yeah?” He said softly and gently cups the back of my head with his warm hand. I nodded softly against him. “Yeah…” I whisper and kiss his forehead. “My middle names Anthony” he said with a small smile. “Mines - basic. Ok, Now listen to this bullshit” I giggle a bit and turn back around, hitting play.
It was about 3 parts (30 minutes) of Carmen softly gasping, playing with the hem of my shirt in anticipation, and humming in confusion before I heard the first snore come from his lips. I hit pause on the video, putting on my rain asmr sounds on Spotify and gently plugged my phone in, setting my alarms before drifting off into a peaceful, relaxed sleep.
.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·...·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·...·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..
I woke up to the sounds of violent retching in my bathroom, I rubbed my eyes, confused for a moment before remembering that Carmen had slept over. I padded out to the kitchen, opening the fridge and grabbing my brita jug, before opening my cabinet and grabbing one of the many different glasses that fit a bamboo lid and glass straw, this certain one adorned with cherries. I gently pushed the cup under the ice dispenser, letting a few cubes drop in before filling the cup with chilled water.
I pushed the lid and straw on, popping the Brita back in the fridge before padding back to the bathroom, where I heard dry heaving from outside the slightly cracked door. “Carmy?” I mutter softly, pushing the door further open to see him crouched over the toilet, elbows supporting him as he gagged over the bowl.
“S-sorry.” He muttered, coughing a bit before sitting up and trying to catch his breath. “No- no. Carmen, don’t apologize” I knelt down next to him, gently rubbing his back. “I’m not feeling sick.. so was it a nightmare?” I asked softly, extending the water to him. He sat back on the floor, extending his legs in front of him and sighing deeply.
“I really didn’t mean t’wake you, Winnie. It’s fine…really they happen like every night” he mumbled, taking the glass from my hands. “I have them too! It’s ok, it's ok. S’just a bad dream” I said softly and gently brushed his curls off his forehead that were damp with sweat. He takes a big few gulps of water from the straw, sighing relieved before leaning back and resting on the cold tub.
“Did you…did you wanna talk about it?” I sat next to him, pulling my knees to my chest and resting my cheek on my knee, glancing at him through the moonlight coming through the window. It was hard to see him without my glasses or contacts, but his striking blue eyes were still impossible to miss. “It’s…” he looked at his hands, holding the glass. “Stupid” he said finally. “So..so stupid. I used to..” he sighs, his head dropping back and eyes squeezing back in thought.
“Throw up?” He said like a question, shaking his head quickly. “Like” he looked at me “before I’d…see my boss” in the dim light I could still see his cheeks reddening. I bit my lip gently, leaning over and hugging him silently, my head resting on his chest. “I’m sorry” I said softly and he sighed, setting his water glass down and curling his arm around my frame, rubbing gently. “No.. no that’s not- don’t feel bad” he said softly, his thumb rubbing soothing strokes in to the middle of my back.
I gently shook my head against his chest. “Carmen…” I said softly. “This… this monster…” I said softly and looked up at him, cupping his cheek honestly. “He makes you sick Carmen…what…what he did to you- whatever he did…he creates a panic response in you, baby.” I rub my thumb along the stubble of his jaw that was already peaking out before first light.
He swallows thickly, drinking in every word I was saying. “He…he…” I look at the floor, trying to find my words. “He instilled that voice in you” I said, my lip quivering slightly and he put his thumb to my lips gently to stop the motion. “What? What voice, honey?” He asked softly.
I giggled into his finger, still slightly wine-drunk. “Your inner-saboteur. Just like Ru-Paul says” I gently nibble his finger, causing him to really laugh. “My inner-saboteur” he repeated with a smile. “Yes” I said gently and kissed his forehead. “Let him go, Carm, fuck that guy! Fuck your inner-saboteur. I’m still a tad bit drunk, but c’mon- brush your nasty throw-up teeth” I said teasingly and giggle, resting my forehead on his and gazing into his icy blue eyes.
“And come back to bed, I’ll introduce you to Drag Race tomorrow” I said softly, pecking his lips tenderly. “Okay?” I gaze into his eyes, looking for agreement. “Okay…” he said softly, a smirk adorning his lips.
.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·...·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·...·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..
I wake up to the feeling of Persephone jetting off my right thigh like an Olympic-launching pad at the sound of my alarm going off, soothing chirping birds filling the bedroom from my hatch alarm clock Sadie’s Parents had gotten me as a housewarming gift. I groan softly at the reverberating pain in my thigh muscle from her sudden attack, reaching down and soothing the ache with a slow rub from my hand.
Carmen was draped around me, his arm tucked protectively around my waist and his prominent nose nuzzled in my neck, the feeling of short, hot breaths hitting my shoulder at an even pace. I gently leaned over, tapping the top of the clock that was slowly getting brighter, so it stopped its cry of awakening,
I rubbed my face tiredly before I gently pried Carmys sleeping fingers off of my waist, slowly getting up off of the mattress, so as to not wake him. My t-shirt brushed just below my lower cheeks, goosebumps crawling up my legs from the chilly apartment air. I nuzzled my feet into my pink bear-claw slippers, and quietly shuffled out to the kitchen, silently pulling the bedroom door shut behind me.
I sighed tiredly, stretching my back and arms just at the end of the hall, moaning softly at the blood rushing to my muscles at the action. “Mmhmm” I mumbled at Sephy hungry cries, scratching my scalp in a sleepy haze.
“Comin’ babygirl” I muttered softly, shuffling out to the kitchen and opening the cabinet, I pulled out a tin full of wet food and cracked it open with my forefinger, taking out a spoon from the drawer. She meowed impatiently, causing my tired eyes to roll up involuntarily.
“Persephone” I muttered, tired but stern. “Jesus Christ should I call ASPCA?” I joked, taking a spoon out of the draw and nudging it closed with my hip quickly before spooning half the can in the bowl and chopping it up half-hazardly, before setting it on the floor with a clink. She dove in, eating like she’d been starved.
I put a pod in my Nespresso machine, and rested my chin in my hand as my latte brewed, scrolling through my ‘For You’ page, sending a few videos to Sadie that made me stifle a laugh so as to not wake Carm. I opened my fridge, pouring some half and half in to my cup that I’d already filled with ice before pouring my espresso over the top and mixing it up before sealing the lid.
I shuffled over to the couch, sitting down and continuing to scroll through videos as I sipped my latte. By the time I’d finished it, Persephone was sitting on the cat tree grooming herself in the morning light and the clock read 8:32. I got up, going over to my record player and shuffled through my selection of records, settling on Ctrl by SZA that Syd had gotten me. I bit my lip gently, thinking of her.
I really hope she wasn’t mad at me…for too long. Thinking back on the conversations she had with us about her ‘boss’ who I now knew was Carm, he could be a serious asshole and he…emotionally led her on in a way? And they never explicitly mentioned their feelings but it sounds like there definitely was feelings..My thoughts are broken by the static of the record as it switches to the next song and Love Galore starts playing.
I did my usual routine of walking around, pulling open my blinds to let the light in before heading to the kitchen to make breakfast. I washed Sephys bowl and set it on the small drying rack before setting a pan on the stove to heat. I opened the fridge, resting my hands on my hips, and realizing I have no idea what Carmen eats- if he eats breakfast. It’s a Saturday though…I settle on the safe options of eggs and toast.
I popped 4 pieces of bread into the toaster, humming along to Doves in The Wind while I cracked 4 eggs into a glass measuring cup and whisking them with a fork. I added a little bit of garlic salt and pepper, mixing it again before dropping some butter in the pan and letting it melt. I got out 2 of my pink heart shaped plates and set them down in preparation, before pouring the eggs in the pan. It was quick to scramble so I put the toaster down, and I was shuffling over to the table just as the bedroom door opened.
Carm genuinely looked refreshed. The bags under his eyes were mostly gone, and his eyes didn’t look red and exhausted. I look over at the clock, 9:22. “Good Morning, Chef. I hope scrambled eggs and butter toast is acceptable? With jelly of course” I went over, clicking off my record player that had stopped spinning a few minutes prior. “You made breakfast?” He asked, looking over to the table.
It took all of my strength to keep a casual face at his deep, husky morning voice. “Mmhmm!” I hum and come back to the table and he followed. “Coffee?” I ask and he nods “thank you- wow. I can’t remember the last time I.. actually ate in the morning. What time?-“ he looks over to the stove and his eyebrows raise. “Shit.” He snorts. “I guess your bed was comfortable” he sits.
I smirk proudly “well I’m glad you’ve enjoyed your stay so far at Winnie’s bed and breakfast” I said and went to the kitchen, opening my cabinet and smiling wide at the perfect mug for him to use. I set it down on the counter, “cream?” I asked opening the fridge. “Yes, What are you cheesin’ about?” He teased and I giggle “somethin’ - just wait” I took out the cream and set it on the counter and popped in an americano pod.
“Oh! Forks! Sorry. Forgot my meds this morning. Let me go do that” he chuckles as I quickly shuffled off. I go in to the bathroom and took my medications with a handful of sink water before coming back and seeing his coffee was done. “Perfect!” I took it out, putting cream in. “Sugar?” I asked and he shook his head “no” he said and I stirred the coffee, putting the spoon in the sink.
I carefully come over, covering the art on the mug until I set it down in front of him with a giggle. “A Bear mug for Bear and it has a cute, true saying, ‘A hug a day keeps the lonelies away’ “ I giggled. “See that one’s me,” I point to the smaller one, “and that’s you,” I pointed to the bigger one “cause’ you give teddy-bear hugs” I smiled. He looks up at me, his blue eyes sparkling in the morning light, an adorable smirk on his face.
“You…” he starts and shakes his head, pulling me into his lap and I giggle, wrapping my arms around his neck loosely to steady myself. He kisses all over my face, causing giggles to involuntarily fall from my lips and my eyes to squeeze shut at the quick short pecks that tickled like butterflies, my heart fluttering the same way in my chest. “Are so fucking cute” he hugs me close and I giggled, wrapping my arms around him.
“Thank you” he kissed my neck sweetly before releasing me and I got up. “Wow, an ambush, I do take payment in kisses but warn me so I can count!” I joked, sitting down in my seat and he rolled his eyes playfully, a pink blush adorning his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. “Forks!” I said and he laughed, shaking his head again.
“Does that happen all the time?” He asked and I nod, heading over to the drawer and grabbing 2 forks. “Yup. It’s worse if I don’t have my meds” I put his fork in front of him. “Hope it’s ok” I said and sit down “no- this is…this is great Winnie, thank you really” he said taking a bite and nodding. “5 stars Chef” he said and I laughed before taking a bite of mine.
“Mmhmm totally I’m coming for your spot! Better get worried these eggs’ll put you out of business” I joked and he snorted, taking a sip of his coffee. “Mm- I think Starbucks should be a little scared” he teased and I giggle a bit, nibbling on my toast. “That’s all Nespresso that thing is amazing”
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When we finished breakfast, Carm takes our plates and his mug over to the sink and starts washing them, along with the pan I’d used. “Wow…he cooks and cleans? You sure you aren’t taken already?” I joked, wiping down the table with a Lysol wipe. He chuckled “nope, haven’t gotten any serious offers” he joked back with a smile.
“Did you wanna see my little library craft room thing?” I asked, throwing the wipe away in the garbage. He puts the now clean dishes on the drying rack. “Course, what do you…craft?” He asked, following me to the second bedroom and I opened the door. “Oh..lots of things. I sew,crochet,read, make jewelry, I paint sometimes” I shrugged and he looked around at all the half finished projects.
“This is cute” he hummed, picking up a half finished star and moon granny square blanket off the back of my pink desk chair. “Oh! That’s for Syd’s birthday!! She’s such an astrology girl, it's one of those things we can talk about forever.” I smiled and he nods a bit. “Why haven’t you ever come around more? The uh- the restaurant” He asked as he looked over the intricate stitches and I shrugged, picking up stray crochet needles scattered on my desk and putting them in the little drawer where they belonged.
“Oh.. well Sadie and I - it’s kinda fancy for one thing, and umm..we don’t like people and it’s been busy for months “ I laugh a bit “fancy huh?” He teased, setting the blanket back down and walking over to the wall of pictures I had next to my overflowing bookshelf. “It has been pretty busy” he said as he gazed over the different memories of girls trips Sadie and I had taken as well as pictures of nights out with Syd.
“Also as you can probably tell- Sadie and I do not belong in a cool fancy place like that” I giggled and he shook his head rolling his eyes playfully with a smile. “I don’t either but it’s what brings the business right?” He looked over the books. “Damn, you read a lot” he said and I giggled. “Mmhmm! Work at a bookstore” I said and he pulled one of my most well loved books out, “this one of your slutty books?” He teased and I roll my eyes.
“Ha.ha. No- this is an amazing book, you’re saying you’ve never read this book?” I took it from his hands. “My brother gave it to me” I said and flipped to the second blank page where ‘From Chris To Twinnie’ was scribbled in his chicken scratch handwriting. His eyebrows raised. “Oh…no- no. Never heard of it.” He said and my jaw dropped. “Never heard of The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane” I scoff a big smile coming to my face.
“Okay, so, now I see” I nod, holding the book to my chest with a teasing smirk on my face. “See what?” He asked “I see why you…I dunno” I shrug. “Don’t like to have fun “ I poke his chest and he scoffs. “I have fun I am totally fun!! Are you saying I’m boring?” He asks, slightly offended and I laugh. “No! I’m saying that… the whole point of this book is that life, our journey to self discovery is useless if you have no intention of loving or being loved.” He raised his eyebrows before starting to laugh.
“A rabbit said that?” He questioned and I shook my head “no he learned it. C’mon let me do skincare on you and read it you’ll love it” I said and he blushed a bit. “Why do I have bad skin?” He joked with a teasing smile. “No you have nice skin but let me take care of it” I said and led him to the bathroom by his hand, getting out my face wash “wash your face with this” I said and turned the water on warm, and grabbed a clean face towel from the cabinet with embroidered strawberries on the hem. “dry your face with this” I instructed.
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I gently put on the sparkly under eye patches under Carm’s eyes and he scrunched his nose adorably. “The fuckin’ hell why do you do this” he muttered “feels like a slug” he said causing me to giggle “oh my god such a boy. This will make your pretty blue eyes much more noticeable without all the darkness from never sleeping” I gently smoothed them out, booping his nose with the tip of my finger when I was done.
“Mm whatever you say this is Winnie’s Salon after all” he says and I tut “no! This is Winnie’s beauty parlor. I'm not cutting your hair today” I said and his eyes fluttered open, looking up at me with a small smile. “They look pretty on you” he said, causing me to blush. “You’re a big flirt” I gently played with his hair and his eyes fluttered back shut, humming softly in satisfaction. “Did you want me to read to you?” I asked and his smile grew.
“Please. It’s been a long time actually, I’m excited to hear about this rabbit” he said and I grab the book from next to us, opening to the first page and starting.
“Chapter One”
By the end of the first page, he was glancing up at me, watching me speak each word and smiling slightly when I did slightly different voices for each character. At the end of the first chapter, I close the book and he pouts a bit. “What? No keep going, that was getting cute…she loves that bunny” he said and I giggle. “Yes she does, if you want to hear the next chapter you have to come see me again. Plus, I’m getting hungry”
I peeled his eye patches off, gently rubbing in the remnants with my ring fingers and he smiled softly. “Mm…you cook breakfast, pamper me, and read to me? I think this is my new hang-out spot for Saturdays” he jokes and I giggle a bit. “Good, so next Saturday you’ll get to see what happens in the next chapter.” I said and he sat up, sitting against the headboard next to me.
“Sounds like a steal for me” he smiled adorably, his skin still glowing from the serum I’d applied. I looked at his lips, then back at his eyes before straddling his hips and kissing him deeply. He hesitantly moves his hands to my hips and rubs with his thumbs gently. I kiss down his jaw over his stubble to his neck, nipping gently and he groans softly “Winnie” he said, gripping my hip a bit tighter. I gently tug on his ear with my teeth. “I think it’s hot you’re such a talented chef and like when I cook for you” I said softly in his ear, gently tangling his curls in my fingers as I continue to kiss and nip his neck.
I grind my hips on his and he moaned softly “Winnie.” He said softly, moving his hand to my back “I-i…” he swallowed thickly and I stopped, sitting up and looking at him. “What? Did I..did I do something wrong?” I asked. He shook his head, refusing to meet my eyes. “I-I don’t…we shouldn’t” he rubs over his chin, thinking.
“Do you…regret last night?” I asked, getting off his lap and sitting crisscross beside him on the bed. He shook his head again “no- god no that was fuckin’ amazing Winnie I-“ he blushed, looking down at his lap. “I’ve uh never…” he cleared his throat, his eyes squeezing shut in embarrassment. “I- I’m surprised I lasted that long with you- a-and…I’ve never done that before..what we did in the shower and I’m still- I’m thinkin’ about it” he swallowed thickly, finally looking at me and I nodded slowly.
“Okay…I think we should talk more about our sexual experiences” I said and bit my lip. His face goes pale, his mouth opening and closing a few times like he was trying to find the words. “Uh- I” he stuttered. “I’ll go first…what uh- what do you wanna know?” I asked casually and play with the hem of my shirt. “Uh- well..that’s- I don’t… I don’t know a lot” he said quietly, clearly embarrassed by the way his eyes darted away from mine again.
“Okay so…how about this then. I’ve slept with 24 people, including you. But most of the bulk of those were back home, I’ve slept with you and one other person since I’ve been here, how many have you been with?” I asked and his eyes widen. “Twenty four?” He repeats, his mouth dropping slightly. I scoff “what so guys can sleep with 100 women by the time their 24 but I can’t sleep with 2 people a year over the course of nearly 10 years?!” I asked my tone laced with annoyance.
He shook his head quickly “no-n-no Winnie no…I’ve….ive slept with less then 8 people…I’ve had sex like…maybe…” he took a deep breath, looking away and swallowing thickly “I don’t- I don’t like this game anymore or- or questions. Or whatever” he said his cheeks going red. I bite back a laugh at the irony of him being so insecure by holding my tongue between my teeth and I gently touch his bicep. “Look at me” I said softly and he shook his head inching away from my touch a bit.
“Carmen. When I said no one has made me cum like that- I mean it. I was fully seeing stars bro I was shaking Carm.” I laughed and he looked over, eyebrows raising. “You really meant that?” He asked and I roll my eyes playfully. “I wasn’t even gonna fuck you a second ago I was gonna suck your dick because I’m sore. Literally yes you’re amazing Carmen you’re so fucking hot.” I said and he bit his lip, looking at his lap.
“But I can’t…like- when…when we were in the shower” he muttered “that was-“ he swallowed thickly “I’ve never…I’ve never had sex in the shower before and-“ he sighs deeply. “I don’t want to get attached.” He looks at me finally, and I was silent for a moment, my brain filing through all the possible things he could mean. I settled on the safest response that would have the least possible chance of rejection. “Like- you don’t want tooo…” I questioned and he raised his eyebrows waiting for me to continue.
“To get attatched to fucking me on your days off?” I question and he rolls his eyes, shaking his head. “Winnie” he muttered, slightly annoyed. “That’s not what I mean Y’know that” he said and I bit my lip. “Tell me what you mean then, Carmen” I said and he looked up at me. He stared at me for what felt like forever, studying me, my features, I tried my best to decipher what was going on behind his eyes but only a week of knowing each other I was rolling blanks.
“I don’t want to get attached to this. Winnie, to you. I don’t want to do this, we can’t do this.” He shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest and the small change in body language felt like an ocean of distance was suddenly created between us emotionally. My mouth suddenly felt dry, and my throat was growing an enormous lump. “Why” I finally choke out and he looks back at me. “Because I told you, Winnie, I’m not boyfriend material. What this” he motions between the 2 of us “Is, can’t keep going like this. Fuckin’ cuddling and shit..”
I felt like I wanted to burst out into tears, not more than 20 minutes ago he was dreamily looking up at me while I read to him and now he was telling me that he won’t allow himself to be around me, and relax. “Oh” I scoff, my eyes narrowing and crossing my arms over my own chest.
“You are such a little baby,” I said and his eyebrows furrow, “what?” He asked. “A little fucking. Baby.” I repeat myself and he blinks a few times, “What the fuck do you mean?” He asked and I got up. “You are an angry baby, because you realize that I have more experience in the bedroom!” I laugh dryly. “Carmen. You knew what you were getting yourself into. You want this. Look at me, and tell me the last fucking time you relaxed on your day off? Hm?” I raise my eyebrows, shrugging and waiting for an answer.
“You don’t fucking know me, Winnie” he scoffs. “I don’t- I don’t give a fuck that you have more experience than I do. Clearly, it wasn’t with anyone good! Per your fuckin statement 5 minutes ago.” I shook my head. “You’re right! You’re right Carmen. I was begging for your cock- and you wanna know something? You loved it. You were pussy drunk, Carmen, you- you are just so fucking obsessed with depriving yourself of joy, of pleasure that instead of allowing yourself to fuck me you’d rather be in your apartment all alone and cum in your hand? Fine. Have fun” I shrugged, motioning to the bedroom door.
He sat there, jaw dropped. “You-“ he closed his eyes in shock, shaking his head as he digested what I just said to him. “You are so-“ he sighed, looking at me and his eyes flicker to my chest. I smirk, “fuck. Im gonna fucking hate myself this week. C’mere” he said and I knelt on the bed, straddling him once more and kissing him deeply. I pushed him back on the bed roughly. “Tell me you don’t want me” I said and peel off my shirt, exposing my breasts and already peaked nipples shining with their little black studs, already hardened due the adrenaline coursing through me.
“Fuck off Winnie you know I fucking want you” he grabs my breast, playing with my nipple gently and I bit my lip. “I haven’t even showed you half of what I can do- and you’re gonna throw the towel so soon?” I rest my palms on his shoulders for leverage as I ground into his hips, the friction causing his eyes to flutter shut and his head to fall back onto the pillow in a low whimper.
“N-no- no you’re right. You’re right Winnie fuck” he moaned, gently tugging at my jewelry causing me to gasp in pleasure. I kiss him hard, circling my hips into his at a torturously slow pace causing him to whimper and groan into my mouth which made a small smile come to my lips. I pulled away slightly, our lips barely an inch away.
“Do you want me to suck your cock?” My eyes flutter to his, my hips completely still. His breath quivers “yes” he said barely above a whisper. “Tell me, say it, Carmy. What do you want?” I ask and kiss his neck tenderly. “I-I want you t-to” he swallows thickly when I nip at the tender spot below his ear. “I want you to suck my cock” he said, eyes fluttering shut and cheeks going red. I smirk, happy with the admission, but still unsatisfied with the way he was denying himself.
“Okay baby, since you asked so nice, like such a good boy” I said, his lip tugging between his teeth and
I kissed down his chest, his abs tightening when I made my way over them, my tongue dragging slowly down the divot in the middle. He watches me with hooded eyes, hands gripping the sheets so tightly his knuckles were turning white, his chest raising up and down deeply at a quick rate as he watches me worship him.
I straddle his calves, gently rubbing his fully hardened length through his sweatpants and he whines softly “please-please Winnie” he breathed impatiently. I smirked, my hands rubbing long teasing strokes up and down his thighs. “Do you really want me to suck your cock, Carmen?” I asked and he swallows thickly. “Winnie” he wined, looking away and his cheeks heating.
I stopped touching him and my hands raised to my breasts, gently palming and squeezing them before playing with my hard nipples and my head dropping back as I moaned. “You don’t want me, baby?” I asked and his hand traveled to his pants and I stopped him, grabbing his wrist. “Do you want me Carmen?” I asked, taking his hand and putting his forefinger and ring finger in my mouth, my tongue swirling around them and hollowing my cheeks at the base of his hand.
He bit his lip harshly as I did so. “So so fucking bad.” He said softly, I pulled off his fingers with a ‘pop’ and tugged him out of his boxers, leaning down and spitting the puddle of saliva I had collected in my mouth while sucking on his fingers and pump his length with the wetness, twisting and getting it all wet. “Holy fucking shit” he mumbled, a moan falling from his lips and his head falling back momentarily but he was quick to put his eyes back on me.
“Does that feel good baby?” I ask sweetly, my thumb brushing over his tip. He nods “shit- yes s-so good baby” his abs clenched in pleasure as I slowly dragged my thumb over his slit teasingly. “Mmm the noises you make are so sexy baby I love it” my other hand dances around his stomach, my nails brushing the toned skin causing him to shiver slightly.
“Oh you adorable thing” I said and leaned down, kissing his tip gently and his head drops back, a breathy moan falling from his lips, his knee jerking slightly under me. I stuck out my tongue, slowly licking his tip from the back of my throat all the way to the tip of my tongue, flicking it teasingly causing him to whimper beautifully. “You have such a nice cock baby” I praised, pumping him slowly, twisting my hand how I knew he liked based on the way his stomach would tense when I did it repeatedly.
I look up at him, his cheeks, bright red, curls stuck to his forehead in sweat, “do you like it when I tug harder” I did so and he whines “or softer?” I went back to my original firmness and he breathed out, I could tell no one had really ever given him this kind of attention during a blow job before- so I was relishing in the fact that no matter if he did claim to hate himself this week, every time he came after a long day it would be at the thought of me. So I’m pulling out every stop, every theatric - I’m going to make this magical.
I was already fucking him dumb and I had barely used my mouth yet. We had a lot of work to do, to mold him into the kind of partner I knew he yearned to be. And whether we continued to pretend to be ‘friends with benefits’ while he learned, or he decided he wanted more- I didn’t care. Because I knew this man wanted to dominate, and I was dedicated to getting it out of him.
When I got no verbal response my hand stopped moving and I gently tap the head of his cock against my tongue getting his attention. “Words.” I said softly, smiling sweetly as I waited for a response. “Hard. H-hard. Please.” He said and I continued as he requested and he grunts “fuck yes…mmm twist baby like-“ he moans louder when I oblige. “Yes. Yes.” he breathed and I smirked, moving my hand faster.
“Good boy, I love it when you tell me what feels good” I said and my hand that was on his stomach travels to his v-line, my forefinger soothingly stroking as I took his tip in my mouth, he lets out the hottest noise between a moan and a cry that I’d heard a man make, before I heard the sounds of the fabric beginning to give beneath his death grip. I pulled my lips off and stopped my hand from jacking him off, taking my hand off his stomach and pulling my hair out of the bun it was in.
His eyes shot open as soon as I stopped, a small gasp tumbling from his lips as my tight curly bangs fell over my forehead, when they were blown out they were the 80s look I loved to achieve with my hair- but my bangs were extra curly naturally since they weren’t weighed down like the rest of my hair and I’d gotten it wet last night. I pushed it off my shoulders, taking his hand and putting it on my head. “Go as hard as you want. I’ll squeeze you twice if it’s too much.” I said and started again before he could reply.
He whined hotly as I took him down inch by inch until he was lightly hitting the back of my throat, he was mostly just stroking the back of my head but when he felt me swallow around his tip it was like something in him flicked on. He grips the back of my hair “f-fuck- god do that again- fuck do it again Winnie” he said, pushing my head down gently. I closed my eyes, saying a silent and quick prayer to every god ever that I’d fully digested my breakfast, and that my gag reflex had gotten much better since trying to train it with my toothbrush before bed the past few years.
I took a deep breath, before fully relaxing my throat and pushing his tip past my tastebuds and I gently stroke his thighs, more to soothe myself that I could do it, before pushing deeper. He cries out, moaning what sounded more like a pleasured growl, his fingers tugging my hair lightly. I knew I had to stop pushing before I either hurt myself or actually gag and embarrass myself. I swallowed around him slowly, my throat fluttering around him for a few moments.
I feel his muscles all tense beneath me, his abs tightened, stomach clenched, fingers digging into my scalp, eyes screwed shut, veins protruding in his neck. He would be cumming in the next few seconds so - I stopped. I pull off, sitting up, a string of saliva pulling from his cock to my lips as I did so. My lips swollen, jaw sore, chin and neck slick with saliva. I smirked as he gasps, his orgasm flowing away like dandelion seeds in the breeze and he looked at me, his pupils blown with lust.
“W-why. Why did you stop?” He asked, he almost sounded angry. I shrug, “do you deserve to cum, Carm? You you deserve to feel good?” My fingers dance around his stomach and v line causing goosebumps to appear on his skin and his cock twitches, aching to be touched. “Please Winnie, fucking- let me finish” he grumbled, looking at the ceiling.
“Let you” I scoff. “Do you even think you deserve that. Carmen? Hm? Put enough hours in this week? Plan enough new catering orders?” I taunt, goading him into showing me any thread of dominance in him I could tug on. He looks at me, his eyes darkening “suck my fucking cock. Winnie.” he ordered and I smirk. “Ooo, making demands now, I only serve those who deserve it” I drag my forefinger from his balls to his tip, smiling at the reaction of his stomach clenching and cock jumping in a twitch.
“I deserve it” he grumbled, not meeting my eyes. “Hm?” I hum, ghosting my hand around his cock but not gripping it. “I said I fucking deserve it” he looks into my eyes as he said it. I lean down taking him back in my mouth and he sighs in relief, I pump the bottom half of his length as I take him back into my throat. It was barely 2 minutes of him spilling profanity, muttering my name, whines and moans, and only swallowing around him 2 times before I felt him fully tense up again, and an enormous load shot down the back of my throat, so much that I had to swallow 2 times after pulling off of him to get it all down.
“Holy shit” I laugh taking a deep breath and he was laid there, trying to catch his breath “sorry” he said between breaths, eyes blissfully shut and cheeks flushed as well as his chest from his release. “No its…it’s fine just. Holy shit. You just dumped a generation down my throat” I joked and he laughs lightly.
I quickly fix his boxers and laid next to him after pulling my shirt back on. “How the fuck did you do that?” He asked and I shrug a bit, pushing my hair behind my shoulders. “Dunno. Just tried it. Glad you like it though. How’d it feel?” I asked and he blushed, averting my gaze shyly. “Uh…” he furrows his eyebrows thinking. “Kinda like…your pussy but … like way tighter, and harder if that makes sense.” He looked back at me and I giggle.
“Hm…ok. It was kinda cool, also really hot, also pretty freaky- when I went to wipe my chin, my hand touched my throat and I felt your dick like…” I giggle, covering my mouth at his shocked expression. “Holy fuck that’s hot” he said and I nod. “Felt weird. I’ll have you feel it next time” I said and yawned a bit, sitting up.
“I’m gonna brush my teeth then you wanna nap?” I asked and he nodded “I’m not sure why- we’ve done basically nothing but I’m exhausted.” He said and rubs his face. I shrugged, “just your body catching up while it can on rest. I’ll be back.” I said and padded off to the bathroom.
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➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫
#carmen berzatto#carmen berzatto fanfiction#carmen berzatto fluff#the bear fic#the bear fx#the bear hulu#carmy berzatto#carmy berzatto fanfiction#the bear fanfiction#carmen berzatto smut#carmy berzatto x oc#carmen berzatto x oc
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Goodnight, mooncake. ―
Sett & Aphelios one shot, fluff!
― Cursing cw
― 2,081 Words
― Overstimulation / Meltdown cw
― Mentions of; top surgery scars(Aphelios), Stretch Marks(Sett's Mom) and caring for them
― Uhh.. Not sure what other tags!
― Excuse me while my brain is rotting over Heartsteel, I'm sorry if something doesn't make sense ; -; aowidhaowhd I didn't sleep much
5:49pm,
It always became so dark around this time, even thought there was enough light that the street lights didn't turn on. It was cold enough for a sweater, but it was the type of cold where you'd get hot easily and sweat. There was the sound of echoed laughter from a once busy street, now empty, and the sound of store-keepers shutting their shops, with just fast-food chain restaurants' neon lights in the distance on a main-street.
"Stop eating my fuckin' food!" Shouted Kayn, with a hint of Rhaast in his voice, "Or what?" Ezreal was really playing with fire tonight, he'd spin on his heels and turn to face Kayn, sticking out his tongue with the most shit-eating grin plastered on his face, a laugh came from Ezreal's lips, it made the rest of the boys smile as well. Watching as Kayn started to chase Ezreal down the street.
They all just started walking home from a little festival in-town; with Ezreal and Kayn running around in front, K'sante and Yone holding most of the gifts they've bought, including drinks and food and Sett and Aphelios walking in the back, each of them sharing an earphone for music.
What would they be listening to? Everything Goes On by Porter Robinson.
Porter Robinson was probably one of Aphelios' favorite artists, next to River Tiber.
Sett's much larger, bandage-covered hand came down to brush against Aphelios' arm, making sure he knew what he wanted, "Can I?" Sett's rugged voice was barely above a whisper, and without even responding; but their eyes met, and Aphelios laced their fingers together, his eyes lighting up with a smile; his lips being hidden with his mask.
"Thank you," Sett signed.
Be still, his poor heart. Thank God for the mask, otherwise that flush across his cheeks would've been obvious.
Aphelios' eyes fixated on the others in front of them as they'd continue their journey back to the apartment.
"You two, take a left in the next street!" K'sante yelled out,
"Shut up!" Rhaast was clearly becoming antsy, and Ezreal ran around Yone and K'sante, using them as a shield, but also to protect the takoyaki that Ezreal and Kayn were supposed to share, putting it in the bag Yone was carrying before they ran off again; heading down that street that K'sante pointed out to.
Sett let out a chesty, heartfelt laugh, "God, it's never boring with those two around, hey, Phel?" His smile softened as his rich ceruleans found Aphelios' rather bland face, "Phel?" He lowered his head down.
Now, Sett was rather tall, much taller than Aphelios, just an inch taller than K'sante, Phel's head practically reached his shoulders, if we're being generous here.
Aphelios; completely lost in thought, Sett stopped them both, to grab his attention, and quickly, his vermillions fixated on Sett with confusion, "What's up?" He signed slowly,
"I'm worried, are you okay? Tired?" Sett signed back while he spoke; trying to get into the habit of doing so,
"Very tired," Phel's eyes closed, "I'll be okay," Aphelios added before pulling down his mask, "I don't want you to worry," he mouthed while signing,
"I will worry, you know this," Sett's ears flopped down with a knit in his brow, his heart ached.
And as they were conversing in the middle of an empty street, the four ahead were almost out of sight,
"Anything I can do?" Sett added, and Phel reached down to grab back onto Sett's hand, bringing up to rub his cheek against it, shaking his head,
"This is all I need," Phel mouthed, and they continued walking.
Deep down, Aphelios knew full well that he was completely drained, being out in public, conversing with strangers, having loud music blaring in his ears and the constant walking; it was fun, but it was getting too much.
The darkness of this barely lit street, the lack of obnoxious music, and Sett being in his hand was slowly bringing him back to reality.
Their hands laced together once again, and they even did a little jog to catch up with the others.
Despite Sett's stronger form, Aphelios was pretty good stamina-wise, and could keep up with Sett when it came to running, and they both did cardio together from time to time, it was a good way to spend time together without making it so obvious.
Turning that corner now, K'sante pulled out the keys to their apartment and Ezreal and Kayn were out of breath from chasing one another, standing at the entrance to the apartment building, leaning against each other, arms around eachother's necks, completely tuckered out.
K'sante laughed aloud, "Good, looks like you both will be sleeping good tonight then!"
"Don't stay up late, the both of you, we have rehearsals tomorrow morning, early." Yone spoke in a stern tone before heading up to their room.
K'sante, Yone, Ezreal and Kayn went straight inside to unpack and eat.
But Aphelios stopped by the elevator and held tightly onto Sett's hand behind his back, "You don't want to go inside?" A curious head-tilt with one of Sett's ears flopping,
"Can we hang out on the roof for a while?" Aphelios signed with just a subtle knit in his brow,
"Anything you need, mooncake," And as Sett turned around, he'd just gently push Aphelios back into the elevator with the presence of his towering form, with just a subtle chuckle erupting from his lips, his smile exposing his pearly white fangs and single golden tooth.
Aphelios' free hand came up to Sett's jawline, rubbing that stubble, and as the elevator doors closed, their lips met for the entirety of the elevator ride; Sett's lips all over Aphelios' face, not one bit left un-smooched.
Aphelios begun tapping onto Sett's arm, attempting to get him to pull back, but oh no! He didn't, he kept attacking Aphelios' face with kisses and face-rubs, his stubble grazing over Aphelios' cheek -- and that was the final straw. Phel's hands came up to Sett's face, pushing it away with a shake of his head, "Too much?" Sett spoke with a laugh, and Aphelios nodded, hinting towards the stubble,
"Oh yeah.. Sorry, I forgot this mornin'," Sett pulled back and rubbed his stubble, averting his gaze with a huff, "No more, pinkie swear," Sett raised his pinkie.
Aphelios took it, giving Sett a stern look before leaning up and kissing his cheek -- taking his bandaged hand to walk out on the roof-top, it was tidy; with plants surrounding the edge of the building, an outdoor canopy with an L-shaped couch, a few chairs and a coffee table in the middle; all under the canopy, while the rest had just a pool that was fenced off.
Aphelios huffed a sigh and found the couch, flopping down and laying on his side, and Sett sat down next to Aphelios' head carefully, shifting just enough so Phel's head could rest on one of his thighs.
The sound of crickets in the garden, a subtle, cold breeze, and the warmth of Sett's leg under his head, Aphelios' eyes lulled close, and Sett leaned back, closing his eyes as well; with one hand on Phel's head.
Aphelios put on some different music for the both of them to listen to -- Running out of Time by No Spirit and Tonion, among other songs
It was like this for.. What? An hour? Maybe more.
Come around 7pm and Sett's phone started to ring; it was Yone.
He answered, "Where are you guys?" Yone's tone sounded concerned more than anything,
"Just on the roof, Phel's napping, I think.." Sett's voice barely a whisper, not sure if Aphelios was actually asleep or not, and.. To be truthful, he really wasn't; his eyes were closed, and he was so focused on his breathing and Sett's.
"Dinner's ready, we'll put it in the fridge then, come down when you're ready," Yone spoke, happy to know where they were.
"Thank you, will do," Sett whispered and Phel sat up, stretching his shoulders.
"We should head down," Aphelios signed, his eyes were heavy, like he genuinely was ready to sleep.
"We don't have to, Yone said he'll put it in the fridge for when we're ready,"
"It's getting cold," No, Aphelios was getting cold; Sett was perfectly warm, he was like a radiator of heat and sunshine, where ever he went, the room lit up.
Aphelios was.. Very jealous of that fact; his beaming smile, his hearty laugh and that stupid.. Toothy grin of his, he couldn't get enough of it. While Phel rarely smiled, but when he did, it would warm the hearts of others and the people around him, expressiveness wasn't his strong suit.
"Alright, mooncake, let's go," Sett stood up first, offering both his hands to Aphelios, and he'd use them to pull himself to his feet; chest to chest, and suddenly.. The warmth, strong embrace of Sett's arms came around Aphelios' shoulders, with the Vastayan's head on top of his.
Leaning into his touch, Aphelios took a deep breath in and sighed it out, oh how he smelt so comforting.. Like a subtly sweet cologne and sandalwood, a little sniffle with the redenning of his nose? Tears welling in his eyes.
"Phel?" Sett suddenly leaned down and Aphelios wiped his tears, shaking his head -- he was just overwhelmed from the day, very tired and completely drained of energy.
Sett's hands cupped Aphelios' red cheeks, "Let's get to bed, it's been a long day," unlike Aphelios, Sett can just keep going and going throughout the day, there was no energy limit.
He'd pick up Aphelios, hugging him nice and close, tightly; even zipping his jacket around Aphelios' form for that added pressure and comfort.
He snuck his way into their apartment, most of the lights were dimmed down already, Ezreal and Kayn passed out on one another on the couch in the living room, Yone quietly worked in the kitchen with a coffee next to his laptop and K'sante helping where he could with paperwork.
It was dead-quiet, and Sett waved, the other two waved back, there was the quiet sniffling coming from within his jacket, Yone tilted his head after lifting it up from his work,
"Everything okay?" He signed pretty quick,
"Tired," Sett signed back before taking Aphelios to his room; it was dark, with only a few lava-lamps to light up his room, the curtains always closed and of course, there was the pile of plushies in the corner, three different blankets; weighted, faux-mink and a light-weighted duvet.
Sitting down onto his bed, he'd unzip his jacket, letting Aphelios go free.
And as he did, the mute stood up to begin changing into a set of pajamas; while Sett looked away, doing everything in his power not to pay attention.
Phel returned to bed in just a pair of boxers, flopping onto his back onto the bed.
Sett huffed, "You know better," he muttered out, reaching into Phel's night-stand, grabbing some moisturizer that Sett's mom gifted to Aphelios for his surgery scars; Sett's Mom used it for her stretch marks, and it worked wonders!
Sett sat on Aphelios' waist, rubbing the cream into his chest, while Aphelios covered his face, trying his best not to burst out into breathless laughter; going as far as holding his breath.
Sett knew full well how ticklish it was for Aphelios; between his sensitive ribs and the numbed area that was the scars.
"Sit still!" Sett started to laugh while Phel wiggled,
"I'm trying," he signed, holding his laughs.
"Alright, there," his rugged voice chimed, closing the cream's container and he'd slide off Aphelios, laying on his side, "Feel better?" The Vastayan rubbed Phel's cheek with his knuckles,
"Thank you, I do," Phel signed and he'd shuffle closer; so their skin was touching. Of course, Sett had no intention of sleeping just yet, he'd often wait for Aphelios to fall asleep first before he did.
"Rest well, mooncake, see you in the mornin'," Sett leaned down and kissed Aphelios' face, making sure his stubble didn't touch Phel's face.
Of course, once Aphelios was asleep; he could change out of his clothes, into his underwear and a loose tanktop that left little to nothing to the imagination for his clean-cut form.
And his arms wrapped around Aphelios' waist, just to bring his back against Sett's chest, spooning his entire form with Sett's knees tucked under Phel's comfortably, pulling the blankets over their shoulders with his free hand.
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don't make me say it
REQUEST → @palmtreesx3, 500 FOLLOWER CELEBRATION
❝ you make me want things I can’t have prompt // what can't you have, my guy? please, tell me more, you self deprecating idiot (said with love) – hiding behind a bitchy vibe and some bravado, this boy’s gotta stop gaslighting himself and acting like you're out of reach when you're right 👏 fuckin 👏 there 👏 | ( 2k – mostly angst, dumb boi steve, and a little fluff right at the end to take you home, steve x reader )
D O N ' T M A K E M E S A Y I T
🎶 and you don’t even know you hurt me, nick murphy
Ring, ring, ring.
You didn’t know why you were calling, he probably wasn’t even home. Was probably out with someone else. Another girl sitting in the passenger seat of his BMW while he drove with the windows down. Letting her listen to Tears for Fears or Journey. Letting her hear his not-half-bad rendition of Faithfully or Head Over Heels. Smiling that smile at her, the one he said he saved for you, but you knew better.
While he hadn’t actually said it out loud, you know how he felt.
You were best friends. Had been since you were in diapers. Rolling around in his yard in the summer with chocolate ice cream messed across your cheeks. Starting the first day of middle school together with his dorky braces and your glasses – before you had contacts. Going into high school and watching each other change. Shift. Turn pretty.
The first time that feeling got you.
The one that made your stomach flip over when he looked at you all different. Looked at you like it was the first time. Like you were the only thing that existed in that moment and you knew he felt it too. He had to, but nothing ever happened.
Even when he tucked his hand into your back pocket while you walked out of the diner. Even when you leaned in real close to give him a hug when he dropped you off after a movie. Even when he pressed a kiss to your forehead because you were best friends.
Ring, ring, ring.
You felt tears stinging at the corners of your eyes, felt your throat tighten against the sob that had crawled its way up your throat, felt your heart stutter in your chest as you anticipated the let down. The same old shit.
He was the first one you’d call every single time. The only one to hear you crying. Telling him all about how you got your heart broken again and he’d reassure you. Murmur soft things into your ear about how you didn’t deserve it and what an asshole and it’d be okay. Offered to bring you ice cream and sat up with you til two in the morning watching shitty horror flicks, but never told you what you wanted to hear.
Baby, you deserve better.
I’d treat you better.
I’d love you how you want to be loved.
Baby.
“Hello?” you jumped at the sudden sound of Steve’s voice, surprised he’d actually picked up after all that ringing, sucked in a gasp and swiped at the tears that had spilled over the line of your lashes.
“Hey,” your voice cracked in the middle, didn’t quite let you finish the one-word reply and you could hear the receiver shift on his shoulder, rub against the soft fabric of his shirt.
“Hey. What’s wrong? What happened?” his voice had eased. Gentler, warmer, edged with concern and it made you pull in another breath.
“Nothing. Just Tyler–” you pushed a sigh from your lungs and tried to settle your heart as it hammered against your ribcage.
“Tyler? Shit, what’d he do now?” his tone shifted like it always did. Protective, lower and a little rough and it made your stomach twist. You tangled your finger in the phone cord and leaned against the wall, slid your back down the flat surface until you were sitting on the floor of the kitchen.
It wasn’t even worth saying. It was the same shit every time, just this time was with Tyler. You weren’t into him and he could tell. Could tell in the way your eyes drifted when you were talking across the table at dinner. Could tell in the way you hopped out of his car too quick when he dropped you off. Could tell anytime you said Steve. It was obvious, wasn’t it?
“Nothing,” you lied, letting your head lean back against the wall, “Will you just come over?”
“Yeah, course. Ice cream?”
“Please?”
“Be right there.”
Click.
It was both a blessing and a curse to live across the street from your best friend for that very reason. He could be up your steps in two minutes or less and god it killed you.
Steve had brought your favorite, chocolate chip cookie dough, and didn’t even bother with bowls after you let him in. He knew his way around the kitchen, sometimes even better than you did, and dug two spoons out from the silverware drawer before dropping down next to you on the couch.
“Here,” he jammed one of the spoons into the cold ice cream and dug out a bite for you, held it out expectantly and you took it from his hand. The cool sensation melted in your mouth as Steve’s thigh pressed against yours too close on the couch as he flipped through the TV channels before landing on The Thing.
He crammed his own spoon into the tub of ice cream and took a glance at you out of the corner of eye. You were pretty even when you cried, even when your eyes were a little puffy, even when your voice was scratchy. Especially when your voice was scratchy. A tiny smile tugged at the corners of his lips.
“Sorry,” he murmured and you shook your head, snuck another bite of ice cream.
“S’fine,” you insisted, tucked your legs to your chest, didn’t look back at him for fear of the feelings swelling in your chest.
He huffed a sigh, put his spoon and the ice cream on the coffee table in front of you and turned so he was facing you properly. Fixed you with a look. That look.
You’re not fine.
You gave him a side eye, all attitude and stubbornness and he frowned.
“It’s not fine,” he disagreed, reached over to tuck your messed hair out of your face and your cheek warmed where his hand brushed across your skin. “These guys are all assholes. They never tell you why and its–”
“Steve,” you interrupted him, pinched the bridge of your nose and held your breath. Maybe you should’ve told him to stay home.
“What?” he shot back, brows pulling together in frustration, leaning forward so you couldn’t avoid him and the irritation in his voice ignited yours.
“You know what,” you leveled, putting your spoon down next to his, lips twisting into a scowl.
“I’m sorry, you’re gonna have to spell it out for me,” he shook his head, “Cos shit’s not adding up.”
“Spell it out for you?” your eyes grew wide, incredulous, and you finally turned to face him.
Heat rose in your chest, up your neck and across your cheeks in the dark of the living room, lit up by the flicker of the TV and there was no doubt about how angry you were.
“It’s obvious, Steve! To everyone but you apparently,” came tumbling out and you bit your lip. An afterthought. Regret at letting it loose, but you couldn’t take it back and maybe it was better that way.
It rendered him silent for a minute, the irritation on his face softening the longer he looked at you, and you finally pulled your gaze away and folded in on yourself. Tucked into the couch and tried to watch the movie, but it was useless. Ruined.
“Obvious, huh?” he asked quietly and you silently nodded, a snotty move that made Steve huff a small mirthless laugh and he ran a hand through his hair. Shook his head and stared at his feet. Knew exactly what you were talking about, but didn’t want to admit it. “It’s not all my fault you know,” he said, words sharp and it made your eyes snap back to him.
“Not all your fault? You’re joking.”
“Serious. You’re just as guilty as I am,” and if you thought you were angry before you were furious now.
“How am I guilty, Steve? I’m here trying to–to live my life! Move on! Meet people that aren’t the dumb boy from across the street and you make it impossible!”
“Dumb boy–” Steve stood from the couch, looked down at you expression hurt and he was just as angry as you were now, “Princess, you make me want shit I can’t have! How’s that fair?”
“What?” you shot up after him and got right in his face.
Wanted to make damn sure he heard you. Understood you because you weren’t going to say it again and it scared the shit out of you. It scared you that you were willing to ruin your friendship forever with what you were about to say, but you couldn’t carry it any longer. No more.
“I’m right here, Steve,” and you didn’t yell. Didn’t scream. Didn’t make a big show out of it. Just stared up at him with your chin tilted resolutely, feet firm the ground, hands balled into fists, nails pressing half moons into your palms. Trembling with the weight of it all and his mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. Speechless. Caught.
“That’s not what I–I didn’t mean–you’re just–”
“Forget it, Steve,” your frame fell at his backpeddling and you felt the tears biting at the corners of your eyes again. Tried to will them away, but the second rejection of the evening hit hard and you’d had it, “Just go home.”
You turned away from him, not even bothering to turn the TV off and tried to go to the stairs, but his caught yours and spun you around so fast you bumped into his chest. Caught the warm, citrusy scent of his cologne. Fresh laundry and mint and boy and it was so hard to stay angry pressed into him like that.
“M’sorry,” he murmured and it stole your breath away. The sorry in his voice. The look in his eyes. The way his free hand lifted to hold you at your waist. Firm, steady, Steve.
“That doesn’t change anything,” you were grasping at the last bits of anger that still clung around the edges, but it was fading fast.
“No, I mean it. I’m sorry. You’re right,” and that admission made you weak in the knees. Sent your heart racing in your chest and you tried to swallow down the nerves that he’d conjured in your stomach.
“Right about what?” you asked, but before he could answer you pressed your fingers to his lips, a silent request to wait, “Be honest, Steve. Please. Because I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
Your hand fell away and his brows pinched together as he looked down at you. Sad, sorry, regret. His hand on your waist held you tighter and he let go of your hand. Cupped the soft curve of your jaw and shook his head slowly.
“Right about you. Being right here and I’m an idiot. I just–”
He tripped over his words. Struggled with being exposed and vulnerable and real and you lifted your hand to cover his over your cheek. Reassuring him for once and god did it help.
“You just deserve the best and I’m…well. I’m me,” he tried a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes and you pressed your free hand into his chest. Bunched the fabric of his shirt in your fingers and pulled him close. Tutted at him softly and sighed.
“I don’t want the best,” you said, voice barely over a whisper, pulling him closer still, “I just want you. You idiot.”
And then he smiled. A slow creep of a grin. Small at first and growing as your noses brushed against each other. Heads tilting ever so slightly. Lips soft and parted so that you could fit them together like two sides of a locket and when they met everything melted away.
Finally. Finally.
Finally.
“You can have whatever you want, Steve Harrington,” you sighed into him, his fingers pressing into the soft plush of your waist, “Just don’t make me say it again.”
And when he kissed you quiet it was all you needed to know your best friend was finally that. Your best. Your friend. Yours.
crappymixtape™ • steve harrington masterlist // stranger things masterlist
#stranger things#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things fic#steve harrington#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x fem#steve harrington stranger things#steve stranger things#steve x you#steve fanfic#steve x reader#steve x fem#steve harrington series#steve harrington fic#steve harrington imagine#asks#requests#500 follower celebration#steve harrington smut#steve harrington angst#steve angst
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What you deserve
pairing: Joel Miller x reader
(AO3 mirror)
summary: you confessed. Joel shut down. now he's trying to pick up the pieces.
warnings: angsty asf guys (whoops) , hurt/comfort with a twist! (mostly hurt, minimal comfort)
a/n: part 2 is up! read here.
wc: 800
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He walks into the room so quietly you jump at his voice.
"Ellie said you'd be here."
You don't turn around; fingers fumbling around the med bag you were rearranging. Had been rearranging. It was hard to do much with Joel's voice rattling around in your head.
Jackson was hard. The journey, even harder. Tess, Henry, little Sam. A list of names crossed out in a black ledger. In the heat of the moment, almost you. So finding this little safe haven just west of Wyoming was a miracle and a half. But somehow, you wished you were back out there. Like Joel, you'd take a clicker head on, just to avoid this conversation.
He rubs his wrists demurely and pads behind you. Close, heavy. Hands glancing at your waist.
"Don't." It comes out shakier than you meant it. Unsure. "Please, don't."
He pauses, steps away. "Just wanted a look at ya. That's all." No response. And then he says, "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you're avoidin' me."
You manage a dry chuckle and your shoulders heave, "...good thing you don't know any better."
"I mean it. Are ya…. are you ok? I wasn't thinking, sweetheart, I promise-"
Now, you turn around and look at him, and his voice dies in his throat. Joel Miller, square-jawed, handsome, even in the moonlight streaming into the clinic. Even pallid and pale from the stab wound at the base of his stomach. His brows are knitted together, worried. About you? It was fucking ironic, considering things.
"I just need time, Joel. I'll be okay, but I need time. And some space. And for you not to call me sweetheart, and look at me like-" -like that. Like you hung the moon and stars out in Jackson tonight. "Coworkers. Like you told Tommy. I'm fine, promise."
"Jesus." He steps closer, so this time you can feel his breath on your cheek. He takes your palms and kneads them in each hand. God, this isn't fair. He knows what he does to you, and yet here he is; cradling your hands and looking into your soul. He hasn't said a word and yet you can't move. You should, but you can't.
"M'sorry… listen- listen to me. Please, and then I'll fuck off wherever you wan' me to. Just need you to hear it."
You can't even look him in the eye.
"I thought I was gonna die, twice maybe, on the way back here. The first time, I was stupid. Raiders, fucking idiots, stompin' around the place. 10 years ago, I woulda seen them in time, gotten Ellie away. Wouldn't have gotten stabbed; not a chance. It was my fault. The second time," He pauses, hooks his thumb under your chin. He wants to see you when he says,
"The second time, I told Ellie to leave and get straight back to you. Thought that was it, thought I was a fuckin' goner and then, 10 minutes later, she comes back with a rusty needle and thread from God knows where - and tries to patch me up. All I could think, was that if I survived this, you would kill me. I could hear your voice, clear as day; 'Joel, you so much as get an infection from these shitty stitches I'll finish you off myself', 'Joel, I told you to practice first aid with Ellie every now and then, or you're both gonna regret it,' " He's smiling now. It's sweet and he's so pretty in the gentle light.
" 'Joel, you come back in one piece' "
"Except you left," you say, staring right back at him. "Before I could tell you to come back safe, Joel. Before I could say goodbye."
"I know. And m'sorry, doll. I meant what I said….before. It hurt to say it, but I did. I can't give you what you deserve."
A small sob, and you shake your head. "No, we're not… we're not doing this again-"
"Just hear me out, okay? We don't just work together and it was dumb of me to say so. I'm sorry. Maybe I should've said something when Tess told me. H-how you felt. I'm sorry." and now, a little quieter, "You deserve more than what I can give you. What we do, smuggling shit in the QZ, it's not- it's not a life. That's what you need. A warm bed every night. Dinner parties. Those disgusting fuckin' noodle packets ya like to hoard. All you can eat, sweetheart. Friends. A family, maybe. Someone who can protect you. A life. Please don't cry… you know I don't like to see you cry,"
He wipes the tears from your cheek. "That's why I said what I did. Not to spite you. But because you know I'm an emotionally stunted ass who's only gonna hurt you."
***
part 2
#ouchhh#joel tlou#joel miller x you#joel miller x y/n#joel miller x reader#joel miller#tlou#tlou fic#the last of us#the last of us hbo#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal#the twist is it's all hurt#kat_writes😼#pedro pascal fic
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Lost & Found - A Guero (Mayans MC)/OC Story.
Okay, okay! I cave to the demand and the excitement I have warmly received from you all. Here you go, darlings. First chapter is here. I can’t promise I will be posting the second next week just in case I want to do ANOTHER deep dive into the editing, but since I am just over halfway through writing it now, I thought I would at least post the first.
Story is somewhat canon, with a few changes here and there to suit my artistic vision... i.e. I kicked canon in the ass and told her to go home, hahaha! Oh, I also gave Guero a surname, too! I tried to keep him as true to who we see on screen, but obviously since we didn’t get him for long, some of his characterisations are of my creation. Don’t like it? Don’t read. Simple as that.
Nervously and excitedly awaiting your feedback, eeek! :)
Words - 3,834
Warnings - 18+ content throughout, Minors DNI. Recounts of kidnap, child trafficking, physical/verbal/sexual abuse in the coming chapters.
Unknown numbers. Ezekiel Reyes often received more than he wished to endure upon the burner phone he used for club business. Regularly they were legitimate, but occasionally telemarketers, such annoyances he simply hung up on instantly. While walking from his trailer to the clubhouse, he expected the call coming in to be that of nuisance, 11am seemingly the call centre worker bee’s peak time to bother him about his long-distance courier needs, or savings on his energy bills.
It was no telemarketer, but he almost disconnected the call all the same in sheer disbelief.
“Ezekiel Reyes?”
“Who wants to know?” His journey across the yard was undisturbed, watching as Bottles and Nestor took in an alcohol delivery, a nearby Guero and Downer giving them the usual offering of shit talk.
“Rocco Lombardi.”
He stopped dead in his tracks. The Rocco Lombardi was reaching out to him? Nah.
“This your idea of a joke?”
He heard a deep chuckle filter down the line. “I’m more of a knock knock, who’s there kinda fella.” Remaining paused, he thought whoever it was had at least nailed the thick, New Jersey accent. He had to give them props for that, he guessed. “Listen, you got FaceTime, I take it?”
“I do, but...” The line cut dead. Five seconds later and sure enough, a FaceTime call came in. EZ nearly fell over when there on the screen, appeared the face of the big boss, the notorious and famed king of the mafia. There he was; the head of the biggest, most powerful crime family on earth. Rocco Lombardi.
“That better?”
He raised his eyebrows, the corner of his mouth twitching into a smirk. “Yeah, the confirmation is appreciated.”
“Good. Now not for nothin’, but I can’t fuckin’ stand video calls, encrypted or not. I’ll call you back.” Once again, the call disconnected, the cell ringing after a few moments. All the while EZ could feel his ego swelling, realising truly how far he’d come in his leadership that he was being sought out by someone of such standing within the criminal underworld. He was nothing short of surprised when he eventually found out why, though.
He’d always believed that the code of La Cosa Nostra forbade their operations to extend into the realms of drug trafficking. To be specific, he’d assumed it stemmed from reasons of mortality, perhaps a skewed sense of Catholic guilt, when in fact, the commoner explanation was far simpler.
The prospect of a lengthier prison sentence, of course, increased the propensity of their members turning upon the organisation, becoming government informants in order to secure a more lenient custodial term. When the federal carrot is dangled before a desperate man, one looking at forty years when his assistance could mean all he ends up serving is ten to fifteen, tongues tend to be loosened.
Rats out themselves, major players are taken off the streets and ultimately, the government wins. It would be very reasonable to assume that the code is in place for this very reason, to prevent such catastrophic damage within their organisation and family infrastructure. The risk is not worth the payout. Or rather, it is bendable to the point of unrecognition when those doing said bending can earn a substantial profit.
Enter Rocco Lombardi and his proposition.
“I think we could mutually benefit from the blending of your organisation with mine, Mr Reyes.” Lombardi was intelligent enough to be concise, even when speaking upon the relative safety of a burner phone. He hadn’t gotten to the top because he was sloppy. Lombardi had sat at the very head of the hierarchy for years, after all. He was hailed as the boss of all bosses for a reason.
They’d once given John Gotti the monicker of Teflon Don, because nothing ever stuck to him in the way of evidence to bring about charges. That was until his own underboss has turned on him, the evidence given at trial by Salvatore “Sammy the Bull” Gravano leading to his incarceration. Truly, if there was one overlord within the organised crime world who lacked cohesion, it was the man who ruled the Romano crime family with an iron fist.
EZ Reyes had launched into thoroughly researching Lombardi after his reaching out to him, learning the ins and out of his character, how much of a slippery customer he was, how – and it went without saying – he would use people as pawns to further his own reach and agenda. It went without saying because it was the way of his own world, too. Within his MC, he went about the very same, albeit on a much smaller scale.
Rocco Lombardi’s reach was, to put it simply, enormous. EZ and his VP would be lying if they’d have claimed that bearing such in mind, it hadn’t piqued their curiosity over what on earth he could want with a Californian based MC. For all intents and purposes, the man had his operations not merely sewn up tightly, but steel reinforced.
“All I know is we gotta play it carefully, mano,” Bishop had sagely advised prior to their leaving Santo Padre to for a face to face with the mafioso legend, Rocco insisting that a larger MC presence not assemble in the interests of it remaining nothing short of clandestine. “Our worlds might be similar, but the mafia play by an entirely different set of rules. I ain’t saying you’re not smart enough to outsmart the guy, but he’s the kind who will have thought three moves ahead before we’ve even stepped foot into that hotel suite.”
EZ had sipped his beer, narrowed eyes unmoving as he’d absorbed the words of the former president with all the credence they deserved. Bishop had, after all, been approached by the mafia before. His reasons for turning down an offer from a different crime family had been solid in their validity, and EZ knew he would be a fool to let this warning go unheeded. Especially since the club were on their knees where their drug trade was concerned. He also knew that somehow, Rocco likely knew this, too.
The mafia tended to have ears in the very last places one might expect them to extend. He also knew that they preferred to keep their operations within the Italian American brotherhood if they could at all help it, so the need for an alliance was somewhat even in its beneficial mutuality.
“I guess we just have to wait and see what this sit down entails.” Truly, it was all they could do.
The time passed quickly between then and the two of them riding through the strip, both separately feeling the mist of apprehension gather, until they were parking up at the hotel and casino they were scheduled to meet Lombardi at, their demeanours switching to cool composure before they’d even entered the building.
The two men dressed in denim, flannel and leather looked out of place as they strode across the foyer of the MGM Grand, the buzz and tacky decadence of Las Vegas swirling all around them. Gamblers bet it all, slot machines flashed in frenzy while spitting out endless streams of coins, and alcohol flowed without restriction, certainly enough to keep it so the house always won.
Would it be their own win he was sealing, EZ thought while waiting for the elevator, or was this the biggest and most uncertain gamble the club were about to make to date? He guessed the next few hours would tell, whether or not he was about to be presented with a winning hand.
The ding of the elevator roused him, both stepping inside, Bishop pressing the button for the tenth floor. EZ stared straight ahead at his reflection in the shiny metal of the elevator doors, noting the haunted veil that hung over his features. Shadowy eyes and skin bearing many more lines than a man in his mid-thirties should do were now his staple in appearance, a few further flecks of grey in his hair also.
Ezekiel Reyes was a man barely holding it together, but his demeanour did not give away the tumult that gnawed at his guts and yanked at his nerves, even if it had seemed to age him five years in just over seven months. His control was as unquestionable as it was unshakable, even in the dark times his club was currently under the duress of. He would never, ever let the toll it was taking upon him show.
He was in Vegas, after all. Home of the poker face.
The man at his side, though? He saw through the veil. He knew. In the interests of helping him glue back together the smashed fragments of the MC, he chose to keep his observances to himself. When he’d reigned supreme, if someone had pointed out his weak points, he would have shown no magnanimity in return. He knew better than to antagonise. Bishop Losa was nothing if not tactile these days, with how much delicacy teetered upon a knife’s edge, how much was at stake.
The elevator shunted to a stop, the doors gliding open, the men exchanging a look and a nod before they exited, walking in step down the long hallway. Coming to a stop in front of room eight one five, EZ reached to knock, his arm suddenly grasped, preventing the rap of knuckles upon the sleek, white enamel.
“Whatever goes down in there, I got you.” Bishop’s words were delivered with a solemn nod, EZ returning it before knocking the door. They stood tall as they waited, unflinching, rock-like in their demeanour, the door opening to reveal a slight yet menacing looking man in an expensive suit. He eyed up the two men standing before him, his lips pursing slightly as he stood back to allow their entrance.
“Guns on the table.”
EZ’s brow knitted. “The fuck?”
“You heard me, stronzo. Guns. On. The. Table.”
Neither man took well to his condescending delivery, both irked at the display of what they considered to be one hell of a chip upon his shoulder. EZ was just about to offer his retort when a voice came from further within the suite.
“Stop playing rottweiler and let my guests in, Mario. If we’re armed, so can they be, too.” Immediately, he stood aside at the instruction of his boss, a large, dark-haired man rising from his seat at the dining table, two armed men stationed in opposing corners of the suite. “My apologies. This one here, he can be a hot head, y’know?”
Although seemingly personable right off the bat, there was an aura surrounding Rocco Lombardi that virtually crackled with menace. His ‘thou shalt not fuck with me’ demeanour was beyond palpable. “Take a seat, fellas. Can I offer either of youse a drink?”
EZ’s eyes flitted around the room, taking in every detail. He stored it all on the internal hard drive that was his brain, his guard up as naturally it should have been. “No, thank you.”
Rocco took the rebuff in his stride, gesturing to the chairs opposite as he sat again. “A man who likes to get straight down to business. I can appreciate that.” Down to business was exactly how it went, no pleasantries, no idle chatter. Rocco cut right to the chase.
“My proposition is simple, Ezekiel. My current methods in transportation of product are, shall we say, attracting more attention than myself and my associates are comfortable with, y’know? I need to implement a one stop solution. I also need a far more financially viable method of my product crossing the border from Mexico than I’m currently paying through the fucking nose for.”
Bribes. Of course, Lombardi meant bribing the border control, an exercise EZ knew likely cost fortunes, cutting into a profit margin the mafia were probably tired of having bites taken out of. “This is where the MC comes in, youse and your tunnel.” EZ’s eyebrow twitched, just a fraction, Rocco smirking at the tell.
“Yeah, I know all about it. Ain’t many places my ears don’t have reach. I want that tunnel as a new channel to move my product across the border, which then will be transferred to the Port of San Diego, to a designated shipping container the day it ports. You unload into the container, minus your personal cut that will ensure you keep the monopoly on supply within the Californian correctional facilities, and you also get a nice little monetary injection for you and your boys on a monthly basis. How’s that sound?”
EZ took a moment to ponder, his fingers knitting before him on the table, arm muscles flexing as he shared a sideways glance with Bishop. “Sounds like there’s a catch.”
Rocco smirked, taking a long puff on his cigar, his eyes twinkling through the thick plumes of smoke as he leaned back in his chair. “You move two tons at a time. That is non-negotiable.”
Two fucking tons every month. Holy mother of god. Before they’d even entered that room, they of course knew the reach of the Romano crime family, that it was extensive. Worldwide, even. Two tons of heroin every four weeks truly hammered home just how far Lombardi’s tentacles reached within the criminal underworld. The risks associated with that were unfathomable, EZ lifting his chin, his poker face firmly set once more. “I’m gonna need to see a number, the nice little monetary injection you speak of.”
Rocco reached into the pocket of his suit, removing a pen, taking a napkin from the table before him and scribing a number upon it, sliding it across the polished wood. Upon viewing it, EZ’s well trained blank façade slid south quickly, showing it to Bishop.
“Jesus fucking Christ.”
His quiet exclamation was no understatement over the amount of zero’s scrawled upon the napkin.
“I assume you know of our current difficulties with the LNG?”
The tall man nodded. “Quite a fucking pasticcio youse have gotten yourself into, eh?” His smile widened suddenly, slowly drawing his thumb and forefinger from the corners of his mouth down to the centre of his lip. “If you do the first shipment for free, I can take care of that, as well as your issues with the knuckleheaded, heavy arms wielding fuck heads you got yourselves caught up in, too.” He hissed a breath over his teeth, shaking his head. “Fentanyl, gentleman. What a risky business that is.”
What in the fuck didn’t this man know about their operations? EZ was all but surprised that Rocco wasn’t clued in on the colour of his underwear by that point, the man seemingly well informed, his intel even extending to knowing about their deal with Cole.
He rose to his feet, jerking his head towards the balcony. “If you could give myself and my VP a moment?”
Rocco made a passive motion with his hand, nodding. “Sure, take your time.”
They strode across the suite, wallet chains rattling and leather creaking the only sounds to permeate the silence of the room, EZ sliding the glass door open. The warm Vegas air hit him, his eyes narrowing as he looked out over the luminosity of the strip, thousands upon thousands of lights twinkling. They glittered a promise of wealth and prosperity hinged upon a gamble, which was exactly what Rocco Lombardi was offering up to them.
“You have to back me on this when we take it to the table. The risk is massive, and I appreciate that, but this? This is our way out of it all. Our way out and our ladder to climb back to the top.”
Bishop considered the words of his president as he pulled out his cigarettes, lighting one up. A massive risk; fuck, that was putting it lightly. It was a fool’s errand, in short, transporting such a colossal consignment of heroin. The pay off, though? If they could execute each run flawlessly, it would be beyond worth it. Santo Padre would be back on top, and the Mayans kings of California.
He wanted with everything he had to back EZ, but something persistent tugged at him deep in his guts. The old adage ‘too good to be true’ echoed through his mind. There had to be another catch. For all appearances, said catch appeared to be the two tons of narcotics, the kind of consignment that would mean the MC would never see the outside of a prison for the remainder of their lives, should they be caught moving it. However, he felt there was another shoe yet to drop from Lombardi’s perspective.
Conflict rose in him like an unpleasant tempest, knowing that they were stuck between a rock and a hard place. Take the deal and shoulder an enormous risk or walk away from it and try to seek a way out of their mess alone. Being in the pocket of the mafia was a dangerous location, he knew that; they both knew that. In this instance, no matter how much trepidation he felt, he had to concede that Lombari’s offer was very much the lesser of two evils.
Still, it didn’t prevent him voicing the concern. “I feel like there’s something extra he’s gonna have us on the hook for further down the road.” Taking a deep drag on his cigarette, he turned to his president, brows furrowed, his head shaking softly. “I wanna back you, but I don’t trust him.”
Neither did EZ, if he was honest. “We don’t need to trust him. We need to make ourselves indispensable to him. The weight of his organisation has the power to break us completely, and I’d be an idiot if I didn’t see that, Bish. We gotta remember that he’s coming to us because he needs this symbiosis too. If he had any other plan to move his product, he’d have exacted it by now. What he’s offering us in payment solidifies that. He needs to lock the MC down.”
He took a breath, his eyes once again focusing on the lights below. “And our backs are against the kind of wall we can’t break alone. Rocco Lombardi can not only break that wall, he can obliterate it completely. We can’t refuse.”
Upon their return to Santo Padre, an immediate templo was called, the proposition repeated, a vote cast. It was, just as EZ had anticipated, a unanimous yes. Hell, it wasn’t like any of the men assembled around the table hadn’t known that extreme danger was exactly what he was signing up for, and this was about a risky as it got.
Moving heroin two tons at a time for the mafia was the height of hazardous endeavours, but the payoff would elicit the kind of money and power they had been striving for. Sure, they were still ultimately under someone else’s thumb, but in the world of the MC, Santo Padre rose like the phoenix from the proverbial ashes. If they were careful and exercised caution, they would remain risen, too.
The operation was undertaken with military precision. The two tons of heroin were moved through the tunnels from one side of the border to the other, then stowed away down there for a day before the Mayans arrived, loading one ton into each van. The vehicles both then hit the road, two members within, two members upon motorcycles escorting at the front and rear, and EZ leading the way.
They drove far enough apart not to attract the attention that such a closely assembled convoy likely would, with EZ a quarter of a mile in front, so he could warn of any upcoming complications that might lead to said convoy needing to peel off the freeway. Since the run was done at 2am, the risk of such was minimised greatly, yet still they always prepared for the worst-case scenario. This is why two vans were utilized, when all it truly took was one. If one broke down, then there they were, stuck with a life sentence cargo on the side of the freeway, rather than another means to continue their journey.
Arriving at the port, EZ gave the usual nod to the guard, a guard whose pockets had been nicely lined with mafia cash, who would duly send another of his team down to the container as soon as the Mayans left, standing guard until the cargo was loaded onto a vessel bound either for New York or the far east the following morning. Yes, the tentacles of Rocco Lombardi even reached over to the Yakuza, the Japanese criminal organisation taking two tons of product off his hands on a bi-monthly basis.
The shipment they were about to offload on that particular night was heading straight back to New York, the guys all assembling, the usual banter firing back and forth.
Downer, of course, was at the epicentre of it. “Hey, I thought there was meant to be whores on the dockside? That’s a thing, ain’t it? We’ve been here four times before now and no damned pussy anywhere.”
Angel lit a cigarette, raising his eyebrows. “Man, where the fuck you get that from?”
“He’s right,” Hank chimed in, “but about a couple hundred years out of date. Hookers used to frequent the docks back in the eighteen, nineteen hundreds. Gave lots of navy men who’d been at sea for months at a time a rampant case of the syph.”
Guero couldn’t help himself. “Eighteen hundreds. Back in your youth, huh bro?” He was shot a look of pure distain from Downer, his chirp continuing. “I bet you’d like the crotch rot. You’re a sick enough individual to probably be into it.”
“It’s his kink. Itchy balls and a putrid cock, man,” Bottles interjected with, earning a snort laugh from Guero and an incredulous stare from Downer.
Aggressively delivered middle fingers were raised. “Fuck you and fuck you even fuckin’ harder!”
Bottles grinned at the rise he’d gotten. “You wish.”
“You’re getting way too smart with that fuckin’ yap of yours, prospect,” he snorted, pointing at Guero. “Been spending too much time with him and his big mouth.”
The man himself beamed, pulling his hood up. “What can I say?” He held his arms in wide expression, his smirk growing. “I’m infectious. Like your cock, just way less scabby.” He received a boot in the ass as he turned, heading straight over to the yellow container and hauling the levers to open it. What he expected to see within were the usual lines of packing cases into which they would load their cargo, with a specially marked one housing their cash.
The last thing he expected to see was the body of a dishevelled looking blonde girl with a gash upon her head, lying there out cold, and the marked case notably empty of its usual stack of bills.
“Uh, guys?” he called, appearing back around the container door as his brothers were carrying cargo across from the vans. “We got a situation in here.”
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BioFluff Week 2023 Fic #7
Title: To Breathe Again.
Prompt: Free Day/Family
Summary: The one where Delta and Sinclair reunite in Dionysus Park.
Characters: Subject Delta, Augustus Sinclair, Stanley Poole; mentions of Father Simon Wales, Little Sisters, Eleanor Lamb, Splicers, Big Sisters, Sofia Lamb, Brigid Tenenbaum, Sander Cohen, Mark Meltzer, Andrew Ryan.
Pairing: Augustus Sinclair/Subject Delta.
Warnings: firearm usage, blood; mentions of death, kidnapping.
Notes: Final submission for this new BioFluff Week! Here’s an answer to the prompt ‘Free Day’! Have some worried-but-sassy Delta reuniting with his bf. Another victim of technical difficulties (ie. my internet has fuckin sucked lately).
Side note: This acts as a prequel to one of my fics from last year’s event, Keeping the Romance Alive, but it’s whatever, ya don’t have to read this to understand that and vice versa.
All material belongs to Irrational Games.
Fic also available on AO3.
…
The only thing Delta wants - and has wanted ever since getting knocked out of the train by Simon Wales - is to reunite with Augustus.
Well, that’s not necessarily true - he wants to see the Little Sisters into their vents safely, and he wants to make sure his journey to Eleanor isn’t impeded any more by this ‘Father’ who had hit him with a torpedo, but reuniting with Augustus and ensuring his safety is very high on the list.
It’s the reason he doesn’t dawdle in Siren Alley as he usually would, only goes off path when he needs supplies or is searching for the Little Sisters of the area, and even those missions are done as fast as possible. The second Augustus had mentioned the train car he’s stuck in is running out of air, Delta had moved quickly, and he doesn’t slow in the Alley. Splicers are killed with one shot or just thrown aside like they are nothing, the Brutes are stabbed with his drill and blended to avoid having to wrestle with them like down in Pauper’s Drop, he makes do with the minimal amount of ADAM when freeing the Little Sisters, and the Big Sister comes sprinting into an array of traps he’d set, to help fend her off.
Because Augustus needs him, so Delta marches through Siren Alley with barely a hitch in his step.
If anything happens to my Augustus, Delta had thought as Lamb had taunted him at the beginning of his trek, telling him how loyal Father Wales is to Eleanor, like Delta had given a damn, I may be out of mercy for you, ma’am.
He hadn’t cared about Father Wales’s problem with him, he just wants to get back to Augustus, to see him safe, and then to move on to Eleanor. That’s it.
Predictably, Lamb and her army don’t make it particularly easy for him, but he gets down to the church finally, and then he’s only increasing his speed when Augustus’s voice comes through the radio, panting, sucking in every breath he needs to tell Delta that the pump control is in the back, but Delta will need to be ready before he transfers the suction to Dionysus Park because they only have a small amount of time for Delta to safely get there - and then to not worry about him, because he’ll “hang in there”, even when he’s so audibly struggling.
Well, who cares about Delta’s safety? Because Delta doesn’t, so he sprints down the length of the church, neglecting the corpses with their potentially useful supplies, and uses Father Wales’s key to get into the pump control room. Without hesitation, he flips the switch and, desperate to hear if Augustus is okay, he waves a hand in front of his camera and taps at the lens, trying to get Augustus to talk to him, tell him that everything’s okay. But he can’t, because she speaks first.
Of course, Lamb’s interference only continues - by flooding the fucking place.
Many of her own people killed, just to try and taunt one man; he finds it diabolical. When he sees the Splicers praying as the church starts to fill with water, he almost wants to tap their shoulders, tell them to come with him, but he knows they won’t listen, and there isn’t anything he can do for them anyway. He has no spare suits like his to hand out, and he can’t afford to give his helmet over to someone. He can only hope the ocean kills them quickly.
The only saving grace to his tumultuous trek through the flooding pumping station is that Augustus speaks to him, at last, and sounds like he has enough air to tell Delta to get to Dionysus Park, and then - when things seem at their worst - to “Get outta there, kid!”
He nearly makes it before the Alley floods entirely, but then the bulkhead leading out of the junction between the different halves of the Alley won’t open when he approaches it, and it bends against the force of the water on the other side, then it bursts and water is hitting him hard enough to hurt as he’s thrown off of his feet.
But Tenenbaum had been right when she’d said the ocean can’t harm him in this suit, so he finds his footing and gets moving again, marching through the water and passing by the floating bodies and the shark that briefly stops him, if only because he hasn’t seen one in years.
Lamb is speaking to him, but he ignores her in favour of walking on, to Dionysus Park.
He gets through the airlock’s doors, coming into an area of Rapture that is infected with coral, sand, rust and barnacles from its time spent underwater, as Augustus tells him.
“Dionysus Park was owned by Sofia Lamb, chief…sort of a private retreat for her social experiments. One night it flooded - killin’ all her guests. Papers said it was ‘cult-related’. Come on up to the train station, let’s rendezvous.”
Augustus sounds a little tired, but he’s alive, and that’s what Delta cares most about.
(Though, he does take a moment to let himself get all giddy - Augustus is so clever, so knowledgeable.)
Like before, Delta is off like a shot, marching through the remains of Lamb’s home like the whole place means nothing to him - because it doesn’t.
He runs into more of her army, of course, and a new breed of Splicer, one that teleports and leaves rose petal-like fragments in the air. They try to trap him in the entrance to Dionysus Park, or at least be an annoyance to him - they succeed at only the latter, and while they’re off-putting at first, he handles them as he does any other Splicer.
He has no time for the rest of you - Augustus is waiting for him.
Delta walks on, through Cohen’s Collection (has Augustus mentioned a Cohen? He doesn’t think so) and into the room with the carousel, stopping only briefly when he hears a man shouting about his little girl, gunfire and the screeching of a Big Sister, but when he passes through the doors, the room is empty. He looks for the man, but he can’t find him, and he doubts there’s anything he can do now - he’s sorry, he is, but he has to move on.
Fortunately, a reminder of his own goals comes through then.
“Well, the good news is, I’ve located a new train car. But the station’s still locked down, an’ we’re not alone in here…I see a shadow in the security booth. I’ll lay low while you have a gander.”
Delta lets out a gasp, spine suddenly rigid.
Augustus! Augustus is in danger!
Delta breaks into a sprint then, boots thudding through the wet sand and heart pounding in his chest, a burst of a roar escaping his throat. He hopes Augustus has left the radio on, so that whoever it is might hear him and know better than to go near Augustus - Delta will rip them apart if they do - and he gets halfway around the carousel when -
“Well, hello boys,” comes a voice in his ear, giving Delta pause. “The name’s Stan Poole - Rapture Tribune. Quality paper, heh…before the locals stopped readin’ and started findin’, uh, other uses for it. Anyway, I’m, uh, looking to cut a deal, fellas. Come by the train station, I’m here in the booth.”
Stan Poole. Stanley. Delta knows of him - heard some of his tapes on his journey, including one earlier. Journalist. Worked for Augustus for a time, when it came to dealing with Lamb.
Augustus had told him a bit about Stanley after Delta had found that first tape of his: “Skilled when his word went ta paper, but workin’ alongside Andy an’ myself? Well. I used ta raise spaniels, kid, and lemme tell ya: there was always one pup of the litter who thought his bark was as nasty as his bite, when really, everybody else knew he was the runt.”
With that in mind, Delta doesn’t think it necessary to quite panic over Augustus’s safety, but…well, he’s been surprised before, and he has no idea if this Stanley might be spliced and have some sort of power, and so he resumes his quick marching through the park.
As it was in Siren Alley, Delta pays next to no mind to any of the Splicers in his way, hitting them with Electro Bolt and batting them aside with his drill for a one-two punch that kills them quickly. He doesn’t stop for supplies - he’ll get those later. The only stop he makes is when he finds one of Eleanor’s presents: a grenade launcher, of all things. He must ask where she gets such items, once they’re reunited; his fatherly instincts are uncomfortable, knowing his girl has been handling such dangerous equipment.
It comes in handy when he opens the door to the station and finds two Splicers attempting to set up a turret; their failure is almost laughable, but he’s too tense to do anything but fire a grenade directly into the centre of them.
The turret blows up, sending the Splicers flying in different directions, and he doesn’t know if they were dead before or after their bodies crash down onto the sandy floor. Doesn’t particularly care, either - he’s got bigger concerns.
Now that he’s finally in the station, Delta is back to sprinting, all the way down the station’s floor and up the stairs. He sees Stanley’s silhouette in the window of the security booth, but he pays it no mind as he throws the grenade launcher off of his shoulder, where it lands with a thud down on the platform, and approaches the window of the train. Pressing his hands against it, he tries to peer through the murky glass, but he can’t see anything.
He knocks once, then lets out a note of whalesong, his designated noise for when he wants Augustus’s attention or when they’ve been separated and Delta’s trying to find him.
Delta doesn’t know if the glass is opaque with dirt on the other side too or if Augustus was just about to respond because there comes knocking to his right, a fist against glass, and then his radio is whirring in his helmet.
“Hey,” Stanley says. “You forgettin’ someone already? Move over here, pal.”
Annoyed by the distraction, Delta’s fingers curl into fists against the window and he tilts himself just so, looking at Stanley through the limited peripheral vision he has. He growls angrily at the man and sees him look at Delta with fear as he backs away from the booth’s window.
Still, Stanley won’t leave him be until they’ve spoken, clearly, so he begrudgingly leaves the window and goes stomping over to the booth, staring at Stanley silently with his fists squeezed shut.
Stanley is clearly still frightened of him because he hesitates to speak, staring at Delta like Delta will burst through the window and drag Stanley out. When Delta doesn’t do that, Stanley slowly lifts the radio to his mouth.
“Okay. So dead men tell no tales, right? Wrong. See, with ADAM involved, every stiff’s got a story - and Lamb knows how to read it. If that stuff makes it back to her, I’m an obituary. So I want you to take the story of Dionysus Park…and bury it. Get rid of the Little Sisters for me…your way. Do that, and I’ll unlock the station here, heh. Scout’s honour.”
Delta has a feeling this man was never a scout.
He glares at Stanley from beneath his glass, shoulders tense with irritation.
Is it not bad enough that his love had recently nearly died and that he’s still got a daughter to rescue? That he nearly got washed out into the ocean and couldn’t save a man from being kidnapped? Does he really have the time or patience for Stanley Poole right now?
The answer is no, but he recognises he might not have much of a choice here, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little bit curious as to why Stanley needs that ADAM so badly.
Still, he would have some choice words for Stanley if he’d had the tongue and vocal cords to speak them with - but any thought on what he’d say is quickly dashed when his attention is snatched away, as there is the sound of the train’s door swishing open behind him.
A little gasp escaping him, Delta straightens in surprise, then whips around to have a look.
“Well,” Augustus says, standing in the doorway to the train car, casting a displeased glare Stanley’s way out of the corner of his eye, “I’d say ‘he’s hiding something’ - but he sort o’ took the fun outta that one.”
He comes sauntering out of the train, out onto the platform, hands on his hips as he turns to face Delta and Stanley properly.
“He’s locked in the security booth, however - so we’ll hafta play along. Let’s go find those Sis -”
In an instant, a yell of whalesong is shot out of Delta’s throat, putting a stop to Augustus’s little quip, and Augustus is doing his own jump of shock, his casual tone and disgruntled expression both dropping as he gawks up at Delta.
Delta hadn’t even meant to interrupt him or scare him like that, but seeing Augustus standing before him - actually seeing him and knowing that they’re together again, back in the same room, in each other’s presence - has all those feelings of worry and anxiety over Augustus’s condition rushing back to him, accompanied by the sudden relief of seeing his love apparently safe and sound (safe and sound enough, at least, to make a sarcastic comment like that), and it’s all too much for him to stay standing around as he is.
Quick as a flash, Delta spins on his heel and goes running over to Augustus to close the gap between them, arms outstretched towards him, and he doesn’t blame Augustus in the slightest for the way his face pales and the step he takes backwards, the way he holds out a hand to tell Delta to wait; fond of each other as they may be, Delta is still a massive hulk of a man and the kind of creature Augustus has avoided for his entire time in Rapture, so he understands it may be scary, watching one come running for you.
Much as he wants to sweep Augustus off of his feet and twirl him around bridal-style in his arms, he knows Augustus wouldn’t like that, especially not with how fast Delta is moving - would probably give the poor guy whiplash - so Delta reigns in his desires and puts to work his self-control.
Instead of picking Augustus up, Delta goes down to his level: he throws himself to his knees in front of him and pulls Augustus into an embrace.
He perhaps puts a little too much strength into it because Augustus comes stumbling forward and hits his body with a choked “Oof!”, arms awkwardly half-closing around Delta’s body, to both gain purchase and to return his hug. Delta’s holding him close enough and tight enough that his feet are coming off the floor, if only slightly.
It’s hearing Augustus make a noise like that that reminds Delta of what he is: a being who is very capable of squashing Augustus like a grape if he were so inclined, and he is most certainly not inclined, so - with a gasp - he lets up on his hugging.
He unwinds his arms from around Augustus and takes him by the shoulders; in his frantic worry, he’s accidentally a little too rough again when it comes to pushing Augustus away from him and probably ends up making his head spin, which has him gasping all over again. Guilty, he removes his hands from Augustus’s person altogether and backs off, lest he do anymore damage, but then his earlier panic over Augustus’s health is back full-force and he shuffles forwards on his knees, hands flying at Augustus again.
He uses a finger to rapidly tap at Augustus’s chest, trying to communicate questions in his haste. He doesn’t even wait for answers - he goes grabbing at Augustus’s arms then, one at a time, checking them for wounds and turning Augustus’s hands over in his own, then he grabs at his shoulders again and brings him forward so that Delta can have a look at his face, checking his eyes and the colour of his skin for any lingering signs of suffocation, before he goes back to poking at him.
Delta’s trying to ask if he’s okay, if he needs first aid or pain relief or bandages, Delta can run and get him whatever he needs, and he wants to know if something happened while he was gone, he points towards Stanley to ask if he did something to Augustus or not - but on the outside, Delta’s hands are speedily flying about, poking at Augustus’s body, moving too quickly to be communicating anything but Delta’s mood as he’s too caught up in concern to eloquently think of how to better phrase things with his hands.
Augustus must finally have enough because his hands come up, palms facing Delta to tell him to stop, and he takes a step back to discourage Delta from manhandling him anymore.
“Enough, kid, stop! Just - take it easy now!” he exclaims, which finally gets Delta to stop.
With Delta no longer pulling him around, Augustus lays a hand over his heart, huffing a breath.
“You must be seein’ me as a pin cushion, kid, way you were pokin’ holes in me like that,” he says. “Usually, I’d make some sorta speech remindin’ you that I value my personal space, but somethin’ tells me it’s not really needed here, if this really was a moment of madness on your part. Now, what’re you makin’ a meal of, kid?”
Delta thinks it’s obvious, but perhaps his frantic prodding had been even less affective at communication than he’d thought. To drive his point home, Delta forces himself to slow down as he takes Augustus’s shoulder in one hand and uses his other hand to pointedly tap at Augustus’s chest, over his lungs.
Now that Augustus has the time to think, he can finally understand what Delta means, and given what had happened earlier, he doesn’t need very long.
“Ah,” Augustus’s head bobs with understanding, his expression softening and one hand coming up to pat at the back of Delta’s reassuringly, “I see it now. I’m alright, chief. Got all the precious oxygen a fella could ever request, thanks to you. Only thing takin’ my breath away as of late,” he cracks a grin, “was you, jus’ then.”
He’s joking, but reminding Delta of how he’d just carelessly squeezed Augustus like that - so soon after Augustus has nearly suffocated to death - has Delta feeling ashamed, and his body language seizes up oh-so tellingly as he removes his hands from Augustus again and goes shuffling back.
Augustus’s face falls and he holds up a hand.
“Oh, now, don’t let that eat you up, pumpkin. You didn’t mean any harm, an’ I know that.”
Augustus steps forward and reaches out to take Delta’s nervously fiddling hands in his own.
“You just let your worries take over a little, that’s all. Concerned about little ol’ me back here?”
Delta gives him a noise of confirmation; forgiven as he may be, Delta still feels guilty, so this time, he doesn’t pull Augustus into an embrace, but rather just offers one, holding out his arms for him.
Augustus cocks his head with a smile and a soft “D’aw,” as he accepts Delta’s offer and meets him halfway, pressing his body to Delta’s and wrapping his arms the best he can around the bottom of Delta’s helmet, in lieu of hugging his neck.
It’s now with great care that Delta pulls Augustus back to him. He holds him as gently but as protectively as he dares, one arm crossed over Augustus’s shoulder blades while the other is around his waist.
It’s times like these that he wishes he wasn’t so big and didn’t have this helmet encasing his head, as he’d be able to lean down and press his head to Augustus’s chest and hear his heartbeat and be encompassed in Augustus’s arms for once instead of Augustus in his (not that he dislikes that - in fact, he very much enjoys being bigger than his partner, he just wishes he had the opportunity to be held).
That’s something he fantasises about a lot: he and Augustus laying together - on a couch or a bed, it changes with every imagining - with his head on Augustus’s chest, listening to his love’s heartbeat. He can’t wait until that’s possible.
“Oh, but - now,” Augustus says, pulling back from the hug and placing his hands against Delta’s chest, “what about you, kid? Are you alright? I was watchin’ you back in the Alley, I saw you takin’ on those Brutes an’ that Big Sister. Daniel gave you the rigamarole back there, and even the good Padre didn’t make it easy - for a man of the cloth, he gave you one helluva brawl. And then there was that flood…”
He sighs.
“A lesser man would’ve been eaten alive by Rapture after all that, kid. And - lookit, you…”
Augustus looks down at Delta’s suit.
“All you gotta show for it is the parts of the ocean you’re carryin’ around, all soaked ta the bone.”
Delta hadn’t thought of that; he can see where the water from his suit has wetted Augustus’s shirt (fortunately, he appears to have an undershirt on, so nobody will be getting a view of his chest through the wet patches - not that Delta would complain, of course) and goes to move backwards, to stop himself from making it worse, only for Augustus to stop him with hands on his shoulders.
“No, no, no,” he mutters, “don’t you go away, now.”
Delta lets himself be pulled back in, warbling softly as his heart warms at Augustus’s gentle tone.
Augustus pulls his hand off of Delta’s shoulder, only to look down at it, brow furrowed.
Delta follows his gaze and sees the blood smeared over Augustus’s fingers and palm, perfect for painting a handprint.
Augustus looks at him from under his eyelashes as he carefully asks, “That…doesn’t belong ta you, does it, sport?”
Delta grunts in the negative. His shoulder doesn’t hurt and his ADAM would’ve sealed his wounds anyway - it must belong to one of the Splicers he’s killed on his way here, or maybe several of them.
Augustus bobs his head in a couple of nods as he pulls out his handkerchief from his pocket and tries wiping his hand clean, leaving a faint red hue behind.
“Good,” he says, “then I can forget I ever saw it.”
After cleaning his hand the best he can, he stuffs his handkerchief into his pocket and looks back to Delta’s covered face, smiling.
“Ain’t nothin’ to fret over now, chief. I’m as fit as a fiddle - if a little hungry - and you’re still the top dog walkin’ the halls.”
He rests his hands on Delta’s chest again.
“Everything’s alright now.”
Delta croons, happy, and gently cups Augustus’s cheeks in his hands, which turns into cupping his whole head and part of his neck, considering Delta’s huge mitts, but Augustus doesn’t seem to mind, so Delta continues with his plan of carefully pressing the top of his porthole to Augustus’s hairline, the closest he can get to touching foreheads with him.
Augustus’s eyes sparkle as he looks at Delta lovingly, his smile stretched wide enough to make a crinkle under his eyes, and he leans in to push his head against Delta’s, eyes closing peacefully.
They stay like that for a good few, long moments, before Delta’s carefully bringing Augustus back in for another hug, which Augustus gladly reciprocates the best he can, resting his head on Delta’s clean shoulder and breathing out a calm sigh through his nose, eyes still closed.
They keep that way in silence, just basking in the feeling of being together again; neither ever feel safer than now, at each other’s side in this underwater hellhole, the only people outside of Delta’s dear daughter that they can rely on. Their bond’s stronger than anything Rapture can throw at them, they know that for sure, and they’re going to do everything they can to make sure they’re not separated again.
Delta, in particular, feels as though he can finally breathe again, now that he knows for certain that Augustus is safe. He’ll do anything and everything he can to ensure that he remains that way, now that he’s back in his arms. Delta has a duty to Eleanor, but he chooses to extend his duty to Augustus too; they’re both the loves of his life, if in vastly different ways.
Delta’s not sure how long they stay like that for, but he knows how it ends: when there comes a knocking behind him, fist against glass, and his radio whirs in his helmet.
“Hate to break up this -” Stanley huffs a derisive laugh, which makes Delta’s blood boil “- gaga fest and all, but you forgettin’ again that you got a job to do? Or don’t you want the train to get movin’? Now, find those little ghouls and make ‘em gone!”
Delta releases and draws back from Augustus with a growl, then whips around to look at Stanley, getting to one knee as he turns, and gives a short burst of a roar in his direction, fists squeezing shut and shoulders hunched, hackles raised.
He’s just come down from the adrenaline rush of panicking over Augustus’s condition and was enjoying his time with him, and this runt thinks he gets to order them around like this, with that tone of voice?
Delta is his own man now - he takes orders from no one.
He rises to his feet, still growling at Stanley warningly, watching Stanley as he scrambles back from the window, wide-eyed and scared.
“Okay, okay! I get it, I get it! You do you, pal - or Sinclair - or - or whatever! Do whatever you want, I can’t stop ya, heh! You wanna keep doin’ that, you go ahead!”
Delta oh-so wishes he could speak so that he can give Stanley a piece of his mind and he’s tempted to try to communicate with him as he does with Augustus, but any attempt he could make is stopped when there’s a hand on his arm and he turns to look at Augustus.
“Hate to agree with a fella like that, honey,” Augustus says, “but he does have a point. We’d better get movin’ on if we wanna find those Little Sisters he’s after, as well as gettin’ you down to young Eleanor.”
Delta sighs, displeased, even as he knows Augustus is right.
Augustus barks a laugh and cocks his head, arching a brow as he takes Delta’s hand and gives it a squeeze.
“Aw, sugar - we got all the time in the world to cosy up with each other, but later. For now, we’ve gotta get our dear iron horse to gallop.”
Shoulders lifting in excitement, Delta croons; he loves it when he and Augustus are on the same page.
With a huff, Delta looks back at Stanley, squaring his shoulders again to let Stanley know he’s still annoyed with him. He stares for several long seconds, then gives him a dismissive, scolding huff before he turns away from the window.
He picks up the grenade launcher Eleanor had left him and hoists it up onto his shoulder, and the sight of it has Augustus letting out a long note of a whistle, impressed.
“Now, there’s somethin’ that’ll have folks singin’ out their swansongs,” Augustus says. “Smart idea, chief, takin’ that along.”
Delta doesn’t bother trying to communicate that it was Eleanor who left it for him, just gestures for Augustus to follow as he leads the way down the stairs and towards the station’s gates.
As they start to leave the station proper, they catch sight of a figure, which has Augustus gasping at his side, but then the figure dissipates into those rose petal-like fragments and there’re invisible footsteps running through the puddles leading out into the park.
“Damn,” Augustus mutters as he pulls his gun from its holster, then looks up at Delta. “Keep those eyes of yours peeled, chief - there’re Houdini Splicers lurkin’ around, the most difficult Splicer ta get a pin in.”
Houdini Splicers, huh? Creative, but Delta doesn’t fear them.
The only thing he fears right now is losing Augustus again, and so he plants his free hand against Augustus’s chest and gently pushes him, to stand behind Delta. Then he shows Augustus his palm and wafts it in the air at him.
Stay behind me. Safe there.
With a smile, Augustus nods and tells him, “Oh, I hear ya, pumpkin, loud an’ clear.”
Delta grunts in place of nodding at him, then straightens the grenade launcher on his shoulder as he steps forward and peers around the direction the Splicer had fled in. He sees no sign of them, so he gestures again for Augustus to follow him.
With that, the two of them venture into Dionysus Park, together.
#My writing#BioShock#BioShock 2#biofluff 2023#biofluff#Subject Delta#Augustus Sinclair#Deltaclair#Topclair
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Tips for someone just starting out their mental health journey
So you've decided to take on the beast within. You courageous, bold, empowered human being, first of all congratulations 🎉 I'm so proud of you.
Lots of things bring us to this point in our lives, but I've always believed that mental health should be a journey of self exploration. You're taking the first steps to making your life a little better than it was before, regardless of how you got here. You're a goddamn warrior. I love this for you so much.
So please heed these words of caution before you begin your journey:
Your safety should take the main priority at all times. There can be such a thing as retraumatizing yourself with how much info you try to take in all at once.
If you're eager to learn, eager to change, in desperate need of a way out, escaping an abusive situation, or just generally curious about what the heck is going on in ur brain and how you can "fix" it, then here are some things you might want to be aware of before diving head first into those uncharted seas.
1. Pause. Take a deep breath. You will be okay.
The very first thing you need to know. Please. You will send yourself into a whole flood of massive spiraling panic attacks if you do not take it slow and take it easy.
Breathe. Deeply. Deep breaths. They do recommend this for a reason. You might think it's bullshit but breathing is going to help. So just breathe.
2. Baby steps
Please do not try to consume all there is to know all at once. You will absolutely spiral into a panic attack and it will traumatize you. You're trying to build Rome in a day if you do it like that. It's just not fuckin possible.
If you're doing therapy once a week, that is already enough. Build it up gradually over time. When you feel stronger and ready to dig deeper, maybe consider setting aside a personal space specifically for healing & reflection time.
But you don't need to do it all at once and you don't need to do it right the fuck now either. Take your time.
3. Just think about it
You don't have to do anything. You don't have to do anything right now. You don't have to do it all at once. You don't have to get up and make an immediate change. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
Just think about it.
No matter what you read online, no matter what you say in therapy, no matter what your therapist or social media will recommend you do, You don't need to make any sudden decisions. You don't need to make any sudden and scary changes right now.
Just give yourself time to think about it.
4. This isn't your fault
You may come across some information that is going to be eye opening for you at some point. And it may make you feel guilty, ashamed, and deeply gutted because you genuinely had no idea that this is what was happening in your life. You will feel so ashamed for not knowing or understanding. So please listen to me, you brave courageous and strong human being. This is not your fault.
How could you have known? If this is the first time you've ever heard it? How could you have known? Please do not let it sit on your heart. You are not a bad person. You've just been through some bad things. You don't deserve to be judged for that.
5. This is a lifelong process
So please get ready for the long haul. Please don't go into this experience expecting immediate results by July, thats just not how this works. And please don't go in expecting to "fix" yourself or "unbreak" your habits.
You are not a fuckin robot. You're a human being. You need time and patience and understanding to do this type of work with. That in itself is a skill you will have to learn. Go back to step one and breathe it out.
6. Take what you like and leave what you don't
You're gonna be exposed to a lot of new things. New concepts, new mental health bullshit, discourse, nuances, spirituality, I mean. Stuff is gonna be coming at you from all angles all the frickin time.
Take what you like. But learn how to leave what you hate behind. You don't have to force yourself into someone else's ideologies if you don't agree. You're allowed to disagree. You're allowed to make your own definitions, your own decisions, your own way. You're allowed to make it your own.
There are no rules to how you approach this. Do it your way.
7. Don't force it, walk away
You don't have to talk about it. You don't have to sit with it. You don't have to force your way through. This is gonna traumatize the fuck out of you.
Please learn how to say, "I'm not ready for that yet." Honor your timeline. Honor your autonomy, your right to choose and your right to stop and quit when you're overwhelmed.
This isn't just for therapy. This is also for when you're spiraling and having panic attacks.
"I'm not ready for that yet" means "I need a break from this."
8. Take breaks often
You cannot be doing this stuff 24/7. It will ruin you. Keep in touch with your hobbies, your interests, your comforts, and the things that get you out of your head. Try really hard to not let yourself be consumed by your grief.
Even if it's just for 5 minutes. Take a break. Do something else. Please. Just 5 measly minutes of fun. Please. I'm begging you.
9. Be kind to yourself
If someone you loved was sick, would you call them a lazy fuck? I hope not. Dont do it to yourself either. You're allowed to be nice. Find your manners.
10. Slow it down. Take it slow. Breathe
I keep saying that for a reason, yanno?
Slow it down. Take it slow. Baby steps. You will figure it out.
🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
Take care of yourself. You can do this, but more importantly, you can do this in a way that won't overwhelm you or make it worse. You deserve that type of care and God knows I wish someone had told me this before I started therapy.
Be brave, courageous human. You can do it 🌸
🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
#recovery#ptsd#trauma#mental health#boundaries#healing#healing thoughts#mental health discussion#therapy#trauma awareness#self diagnosis#trauma informed#bpd#npd#pd safe#mental health awareness#self care#self advocacy#self love#self esteem#advice#relationships#abuse#abuse recovery#growth#shadow work#inner child healing
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Top 5 BL scenes/moments? 👀💕
OKAY as soon as i sat down to think about this my brain immediately went "we have never watched one single show in our life" so it took me a couple days to mull it over. in no particular order (behind a cut because i got wordy and needed to include illustrative screencaps)
moonlight chicken - uncle jim pulling out that ear bite move on wen
for my money i think moonlight chicken is gmmtv at its best, in no small part because it's about two grown adults and has a much tighter 8 episode run. (my only real qualm is believing that earth, whomst was 29, was meant to be almost 40. drop the skincare routine, loong jim, the people need to know.)
so much of the show is about longing -- for people and places and times that are gone -- and this scene cashes in so well on the seven previous episodes of growing tension and comfort between jim and wen. you can't always get what you want but, like, sometimes you do and it's fuckin' great.
2. bed friends - king fully laying on top of uea after banging
obviously the cat sex scene was a close, close second to this, because i very much do often think about king's rapturous expression when he tells uea that he really does look like a cat. chase your bliss, king.
but something about the intimacy of this moment burned itself into my brain. it's partially the implication that uea was getting fucked from behind (which pretty much never happens in bls) and partially the bone deep satisfaction they're both radiating. most fade to black sex scenes don't really convince me the characters did fuck in the pause, but this one 100% did.
3. playboyy - nont putting prom in his place
OKAY truly i could have put the vast majority of the six aired episodes of the show so far and it would have been true. soong and first in the pool throwing cash around. zouey and teena's painting thing. phob and nuth's wildly romantic in an "i'm in danger" way sex scenes.
but i came back to this one because it was the moment when i felt like the show clicked a piece solidly into place. nont isn't nant and he's done pretending that he is. prom does not get to act like he knows nont and he does not get to tell nont what to do. this little exchange did so much to get me really interested in both these characters. prom's face journey from annoyed to so hard he might pass out is fuckin' divine.
4. only friends - top and boston
only friends made many, many mistakes and i won't relitigate them here. still, when episode 3 came out, my expectations were solid and there was a lot of promise in what we'd seen so far.
everything about this sex scene is fucking perfect. the fucked up relationship between boston and top. nick listening. the three second shot of boston blowing top. force and neo put their whole pussies into this and delivered.
5. i told sunset about you - a tie between teh and oh-aew's first time really touching each other and oh-aew trying on the red bra after teh shoots him down
this entire sequence -- after they've sat downstairs inching closer together on the couch -- is one of the most erotic things i've ever seen in any media. and literally nothing happens but them sitting together while teh runs his hands all over oh-aew.
there's so little dialogue here; the incredible longing they're both feeling is 100% told through their expressions and the way they touch each other. the first time i watched it, i probably replayed this scene four or five times. nothing has ever captured what it's like to really, really want someone for the first time, when it's the most consuming feeling you've ever had.
a gifset of this scene is actually what made me decide to sit down and watch itsay in the first place. pp krit is great in all of the show, but this moment of a particularly queer expression of heartbreak is devastating every single time i watch it.
"if i was x, someone would love me," is such a common refrain when you're queer. watching oh-aew go through that imagining if he was a girl and teh could actually like him back in the daylight broke my fuckin' heart. (i also think it's a really lovely way to foreshadow oh-aew being told he's not manly enough for acting later on.)
#top 5#ask meme#moonlight chicken#bed friends#only friends the series#playboyy#i told sunset about you
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Yeah see complex is amazing but complex characters also need complex resolutions and I think that's where the issue really sets in. Nesta really really really needed at least two books to fully actualize the progress SJM was trying to make with her, and NO SPOILERS I PROMISE but instead of taking that time...
IN MY OPINION:
- Enacts character assassination of multiple faves in order to create unrealistic scenarios for Nesta to Deus Ex for easy redemption points
- Has her acting abominably without anyone retaliating in a way that feels remotely human or realistic
- Does a LOT of telling instead of showing
- Absolves her of consequences for quite literally every single action she takes, bad OR good, to the point there is a moment that boggled my mind so badly I had to put the book down in disbelief 😭😭😭
- In general just has a lot of really cheap, generic and unearned "girl boss" moments that feel incredibly insulting rather than uplifting or cathartic
- This is just me being petty but the romance was subpar and my mans Cassian deserved better and I know both of them could have given better like look at the end of book three MAN, MAN.
Literally none of these are strictly the fault of the character herself!!! There are multiple scenes earlier on where I actually root for her and the progress she's making, and could see myself beginning to like her a little. But as someone who didn't even give Rhys a chance until the very very end of book two when he explains everything from when they first met on- I don't think I'd ever read this again and will simply soft retcon a lot of it and give Nesta the journey and redemption she fuckin deserves 😭😭😭
Okay I'm so sorry for ranting like this I just feel very passionately abt these characters I adore a whole lot I will stop now 😭🙏 ily thank you for listening to my TED Talk
The complex endings part! And you've put sooo much thought into this I can tell that you want better for her!! (and by that I mean better writing 👀) I think I agree with the character assassination part without even having read the book yet from what I've heard. And wanting to root for her is so true!! I feel that with characters like this there's an intrinsic desire for them to do well!
And don't be sorry!!! I love to hear it <333
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I just ,, think about Puss in Boots 2 a lot so im. idk. rambles
spoilers below the cut!!
you are bing forced to listen to my rambles. and it all has horrible grammar.
WHO IS YOU R FAVOURITE FEARLESS HEEROOO WHO IS YOURU FAKVPURITE FEWRNLLESS HEHEEEROOO 🕺🕺🕺
Puss being arrogant and bragging about laughing in the face of death and the personification of death literally HUNTS HIM DOWN because he hates how this little ginger cat thinks he’s unkillable (when he’s literally died 8 times)
“who’s never been touched by a blade” but died 8 times?? you lmfao
“idk,, i’m not really a math guy” me fr
“puss in boots is never afraid!” “you are you are” foreshadowin g. stares
Puss has carried the guilt of leaving Kitty at the altar for HOW LONG??? i know the first PiB took place before shrek,, but the second one is AFTER ALL FOUR. SO LIKE. he left her before the second shrek movie?? that would make it.. three years or so?? because the fourth shrek movie is when shrek and fiona’s kids are one year old? lets say two years
of fuckingg course he was lonely on his journeys. but never really thought abt how miserable he was until the encounter with his past lives in the “cave of lost souls”
yeah hes arrogant and prideful as shit in the beginning of the movie but like. literally being hunted by death itself can humble you super fast
the. fuckin g. stars in kitty and puss’ eyes when they look at each other in some scenes. its so cheesy and cute but i love it
DREAMWORKS ACCURATELY PORTRAYING ANXIETY/PANIC ATTACKS!!!!! W FOR THEM
MAIN. MALE. CHARACTERS. SHOWING. ACTUAL. EMOTION. WHY CANT MOST FILMS DO THIS!!! GIVE THE EMOTIONAL MEN/BOYS SOME REP AND SHOW THEM ITS OKAY TO OPENLY DISCUSS YOUR TRUE FEELING S!!!!!!! EVEN IF ITS A MOVIE ABOUT A CAT WEARINF BOOTS
100x better than avatar way of the water deadass i saw that movie and it sucked lmfaoo
silly cats inn love and they have a therapy dog they adopted into their silly little family /pos
perrito fulfilling his dream of being a therapy dog ,,,
kitty softpaws just existing shes so cool
throws. my silly headcanons in your face
when Kitty and Puss get married fr, Perrito is Puss’ best man and Fiona is Kitty’s maid of honor
Perrito has nightmares abt his childhood and Puss sings to him after to help him calm down, just like how he helped Puss with his panic attack in the dark forest (starts fucking sobbing)
head bonks. puss and perrito. they are besties ur honor
when his time is actually up, a good chunk of time has passed. before this he’s been able to visit all his friends again, including the woman who took him in when he was an orphan (and he cries :(()
addin g to the last one, Death gives him enough time to say goodbye to Kitty and Perrito (if they’re nearby) and his last life is given up without hesitation, even though he feels a little fear in his heart. “will they be okay?”
i might add more so keep an eye out 🤺🤺
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it's been a minute since i posted one of these so..
here’s some of colby’s tweets from 2021.
i don’t have proof that these are his tweets, but believe me, they are his.
if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone’s tweet to him.
if it’s in (), that’s just me commenting lol
added bonus: if they have a * next to them, that means it’s been deleted
~~~~~~~~~~
Jan. 2 - thank you all so much i love you don’t forget
Jan. 6 - just got yelled at on my walk by a 93 year old grandma it was dope how’s your day goin
on another note , so sad to see what’s been happening today at the capitol .. this is ridiculous. i’m worried.
(the issue with this time period is that colby was getting a lot of heat for shit he shouldn't have been. so… some of these tweets are gonna trigger me, and this is one of them lmao)
Jan. 8 - seems like the older i get the more independent i become
*@/mikes_dead: seems like the older u get the more u forget to call me back headass
sorry bb 🖤
don’t crave that personal life human affection like i used to i’m cool with being by myself
always feel like i’m living in a dreamy reality until i get caffeine. blurry vision blurry mind
Jan. 9 - learned how to drive manual for the first then drifted that car today i’m surprised i didn’t kill anyone
you in January
Jan. 12 - fan: hi i love yOu…@/ColbyBrock
hiii i love you
fan: It’s my 2,000 day supporting Sam and colby. That’s fucking insnae man. Mental. I love you 2. Always and forever thank you for being such huge parts in my life @/SamGolbach @/ColbyBrock @/SamandColby
thank you for being a part of our life journey 🙏🏼🖤
Jan. 14 - time to conquer my anxiety
Jan. 16 - tonight , two years ago i was sleeping in a little jail cell wondering how long i’d be in there without Sam. life is fuckin crazy hahah, freedom is a gift
fan: i cant believe that most of the fandom slept on the floor when @/SamandColby 2 years when they got arrested #FreeSamAndColby
the best fans in the world
Jan. 18 - oh how time can heal and change everything
fan: no fr he’s been working so hard and you can really tell. proud of you @/ColbyBrock
thank you darlin
Jan. 19 - my fear won’t be something that i let control the way i live
Jan. 20 - fan: colby ur tweets r always so deep
twitters my personal little mind dump
(wish this was still the case… but i get why he is barely on there)
Jan. 22 - it’s underwater shipwreck dive today
feels good to feel proud of myself
Jan. 24 - fan: @/ColbyBrock can you teach me your ways of being okay with being single bc i’m tired of asshole guys fucking around with my feelings
one day you’ll learn that the only happiness you need comes from within, once you’ve learned to really enjoy youre own company you don’t need anyone else! practice makes perfect 🖤
Jan. 25 - why do i push away everyone who tries to get me to open up?
(what a juxtaposition lol)
Jan. 28 - crows are honestly just death metal chickens
Jan. 30 - don’t wanna jinx this like last time but XPLR gods have definitely been on our side recently again … Alaska has been an adventure of a lifetime
Feb. 1 - don’t let anyone tell you who YOU are and how to think
fan: Currently listening to We Love Our Friends @/SamGolbach @/ColbyBrock @/SamandColby
a bop
Feb. 2 - fan: Thinking about @/ColbyBrock hours
💭🖤
*fan: @/ColbyBrock u should get a tongue piercingggg
*ouchh
fan: As part of 25x25 @/ColbyBrock needs to come out with music
🤫😏
(he needs to come out with more music asap)
*fan: @/ColbyBrock u said no to the tongue piercing what about u getting a nipple piercing??
ouchhh
(what's with fans wanting him to get random parts of his body pierced lmao)
wake me up after valentine’s day
Feb. 4 - what’s one thing you wanna do before you die ?
Feb. 7 - my dream is to show you the beauty in life .. no matter how hard it can get
really opened up on my ongoing experience with anxiety in today’s video , i hope it resonates with some of you. we’re not alone
Feb. 8 - fan: bro @/ColbyBrock do you always get your tats in the early hours of the morning??
yes hahah
just gettin started on this sleeve. lots of work to do
Feb. 10 - fan: @/ColbyBrock I need some advice for anxiety lately my anxiety is playing up and I keeps having anxiety/panics attacks and idk how to calm my self the best thing I can do so far is watch ur vids but still sometimes I just can’t hold it in do u have any advice
box method breathing really helps.. soft music.. meditation. anything that can relax the mind. usually it stems from overthinking so if you can somehow distract yourself with an activity of some sort that could help too 🖤
i’m so emotional sometimes and for what
Feb. 13 - so who’s down to hangout tomorrow
fan: i could really use a hug from @/ColbyBrock rn /: sigh i miss him sm
🖤 sending virtual hugs
fan: Hey Colby … just checking in…. are you okay? Taking care of yourself? @/ColbyBrock
thank you for being so sweet i love you. yes i’m okay i have my good and bad days
Feb. 17 - sang for the first time on camera yesterday
Feb. 20 - this pill that i don’t wanna taste
fan: Are you okay??? Or one of your song lyrics
song lyrics .. probably should have explained that a lil more. it’s not a literal thing i promise hahah
Feb. 22 - damn i miss the big trap house parties we use to throw at our old place. 500 people plus in our living room.. David dobrik always comin in randomly with flame throwers hahah legendary times
Feb. 24 - i was so happy in my dream last night .. felt so real.
simply a wonderful sight to see
Feb. 28 - Dear @/ColbyBrock I would REALLY REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU DYED YOUR HAIR BACK TO BROWN I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT
my purple is pretty much out ! so it’ll be all the way brown soon
fan: Apparently the guys are in Las Vegas and Las Vegas is probably like oh no not these guys again. @/ColbyBrock don't go for a midnight stroll and almost get mugged or kick a cactus this time
palm springs was when the mugging and cactus assault happened hahah but we will do our best to stay outta trouble .. maybe
March 2 - i feel like i don’t fit in with that many people in LA
@/jccaylen: let’s move to Texas.
looking for houses now
March 6 - take a chance with me
head down, headphones in
March 8 - happy #InternationalWomensDay , women are fuckin powerful, thank you for all that you do
(another triggering tweet sksks)
March 10 - maybe i just knew i had to wait for you
March 15 - fan: I just know deep in my soul @ColbyBrock had an angsty sad boi tumblr back in the day and I just wanna scroll thru it. Sir pls hand me the link thx :)
i wish i had tumblr. but wasn’t in to social media until i was like 18. only had a facebook until 2014
(….interesting lol)
fan: @/ColbyBrock do u have any advice on keeping productive on something even though it isn’t ur favourite thing to do but u need to get it done
set goals and make sure you do things in little pieces. if you don’t like something you’re doing just make sure you’re getting it done in the way YOU want to. take it day by day instead of procrastinating and doing it last minute
fan: y r u awake @/colbybrock
same reason you are
March 16 - things change, people change. but in the end i’ll always wish the best for my friends
March 17 - i can’t help but feel this way
March 18 - fan: How can you get through a break up
time. i know that’s a cliche answer. but seriously. distract your mind for a while and you’ll get over it i promise
fan: @/ColbyBrock how often do you not sleep at night because your mind is too loud?
i sleep terribly most nights. i have this weird insomnia that forces me to be up at 3am daily
are any of you hard on yourself for no reason? cause holy shit that’s me daily
fan: Better at picking others up than picking myself up
feel this so hard
fan: please call me sweetheart its my dream deadass
sweeeeeetheart 🖤
fan: @/ColbyBrock what’s your best advice to give to a teen who’s gonna turn 17 next week ? like any tips or tricks you wanna hand down bc i need help
so assuming you’re in highschool, just know that you might think your social circle means the world to you right now .. but everything can change (if you let it) after you graduate. life changes so much after graduation! focus on making good relationships and having fun :)
fan: @/ColbyBrock what’s the first thing you’ll do after all this covid stuff is over?
throw a real trap house party
March 25 - i am becoming a hummingbird father.
@/amberscholl: idk why but this is a VERY hot tweet
can’t wait to show you what i’ve been doing 😈
March 27 - just don’t have the time anymore
March 29 - friday by rebecca black is my anthem
March 30 - should i curl my hair for a youtube video
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My friend! Writing anon here and I am deeply, deeply sorry for never having sent anything. Truth is, I never got to finish that one-shot I promised. I kept going at it, i kept thinking about it, I was frustratingly close to the end but still till now there’s a gaping hole in the story. And if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t think I’ll be able to complete it. It’s been months of no news and I’m really sorry about that but still I wanted to thank you, even if it’s unfinished, i had so much fun writing it. My friend had to endure me talking about orange metaphors for weeks because of this. Fuckin love Ravio man, thank you for the inspiration and the chance to do it. But Thought that at least I could share with you the first paragraph i wrote for it when the train was still going and who knows maybe if one day I ever complete it, I’ll share the whole thing!
“
When I was 15, Ravio whispered to him, tucked tightly in the space between his shoulder, the wall and the uncertainty they would be okay, I thought my world was built on a dying giant.
It had laid there forever, collapsed into its deathbed. Arm stretching to the mountains and the other resting at the bottom of the lake.
We built our houses in bleeding wounds and the sharpness of its ribs.
It would blink, the weary thing, peeking at us through the windows of Lorule’s castle. I would feel its sore eyes bore into my back on every walk home.
Did it know where the oceans that once resided our chasms went? Did it cry when it fell? Did it cry at all?
And in every pause of every conversation, we could hear it breathe.
Rasping out agonizing breath through its corrupted lungs, The Earth would sympathetically shake in response. When the giant held its breath, so did we, and when it released it again, we could never really bring ourselves to do the same.
And every night, I would sneak into my backyard. Ear pressed against the dirt, I would listen to its dying heart. It would beat, poor thing. Frantic, like a wounded hare, hopelessly stuck in its trap. I would count every beat and think to myself: Surely this one must be the last, Right?
By the end of our journey it nearly was.
“But then?” The Captain dared to ask.
“
This is minuscule Ik! Sorry for that! But anyway hope you enjoyed it, if you want to chat, I’ll send a message but if not, think my poor heart will survive it/j i am thwarting all criticism by saying English is not my first language 💪 have a good night!
writing anon my dear! this is gorgeous and i'm so happy you sent what you did <3 the prose brings such clear imagery to mind. you've gone above and beyond, ESPECIALLY in a foreign language, and i gratefully accept this as an early birthday present. i hope you keep writing (whether this piece or not) because you have great talent! thank you!
#i am enraptured#writing anon#fanfic for fanart#linked universe#ravio#warriors#i could feel myself holding my breath along with the giant
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Strangely, I think the SPNWin finale rejuvenated my need to work on Feelings of excitement and infatuation. (I'm no writer. I just like to explore things clumsily I shoot from the fuckin' hip on everything i'm so sorry.) Some spoilers for The Winchesters below, and some shoddily written fic snippets I pulled out that tickle my fancy:
I often enjoy thinking of hunting in the context of the war of it all. or being cheated out of life. God, in The Winchesters tonight, Joan hit that for me SO well, and likewise that just reverberated down into Dean, like a bell that shakes up your entire brain.
And I just...adored that Dean is STILL struggling with meaning-making outside of saving the world. He's not ready yet to value his life as a basic deserving thing on its own, so he's looking for more work. He's bargaining for a glimpse of that perfect apple pie life, all while shedding his flannel and turning up the volume on different kinds of music. This was a journey of self-discovery.
Anyway, this has definitely hit the right spot for me. I'll probably reread and edit my shit this weekend, actually, because I have beans for my brain and take a stab at righting the very necessary Claire parts I need to finish the rest. Someday I'll pay a real writer to go in and make it flow, but today is not that day.
Egads. Eureka. Etc.
I think a lot of grieving is hard when life gives you a rough shake. It's something I tried to give a nod to a little bit in chapter 2 of the fic:
///
“So if bringing people back from the dead is evil,” Jack whispers harshly, “and you brought me back, then it follows that we’re just like them. Evil.”
That shuts Sam up. Maggie gives him a painful wince. “Jack, family is different,” Sam tries again, and oh, he's struggling with this. “D-decisions coming from a place of love is not the same as a—a power grab.”
Jack gives a derisive little laugh that, horrifyingly, reminds Sam of Lucifer. “Like when Cas power-grabbed the purgatory souls to save our family.”
“Jack,” Sam says his name like a warning, and for the first time in all the time he's taken care of Jack, he can feel his own temper building, and that voice telling him to unleash his anger...sounds a lot like John Winchester.
He chokes it back. He's not John Winchester.
"Jack, you need to listen."
“No, you listen. You're not my dad!” His voice has enough force that it bounces through the entire kitchen, pinging pots and pans on weird frequencies like tuning forks.
It's a twisting knife into Sam’s gut, and he knows what that actually feels like.
This might be worse.
He watches Jack's chest heave—up and down, up and down—and then Jack thuds out of the kitchen. Sam feels his eyes water and he’s suddenly so irrationally angry.
Even though he'd offered to handle it, he's furious that Dean and Cas aren’t here, that they went fucking shopping when they knew Jack was like this. Sam's never had to discipline Jack. It’s just like when Sam got stern with Claire. They don’t—they just don’t take to Sam as well when he's the one doing it. Not like how they instinctually react to Dean or Cas.
It's not fair.
In his head, he’d imagined Jack opening up, tucking his head into Sam's neck, and maybe even crying, but this—
“Sam.” It’s Maggie. Sam had forgotten all about her. She looks so achingly sincere.
“No,” Sam chokes, embarrassed. He holds up a hand and tries to get hold of himself. “No. He’s right.”
“About what?” Maggie prods gently.
“About all of it.”
“No, Sam," she murmurs. "He isn’t.”
When Sam lifts his head, he doesn’t see a bubbly girl. Instead, Maggie is a battle worn young woman with sad, haunted eyes. Too worldly.
“I grew up in it. In war. It’s kill or be killed. You always choose your family. That’s the tragedy of—of war. You know? It is. It’s not like normal people.”
Sam, horrifying, stifles what might be the beginnings of something watery and weak. "Okay. Yeah.”
“You smug-faced crowds with kindling eye, Who cheer when soldier lads march by, Sneak home and pray you’ll never know, The hell where youth and laughter go.”
Sam thinks he sees a smoldering wasteland in her eyes. “Maggie?”
“It’s uh—my dad used to read us poetry. I was small. It feels different when you never got a normal, right? We hang on to our families because we got cheated, Sam. It’d be easier to let go if we hadn’t.”
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