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springday-aus · 3 years

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Enemies to Lovers!AU with Xiaojun

—

Group: NCT [+ WayV]

Member: Xiaojun / Xiao Dejun

Genre: fluff, comedy, romance

Type: Bulletpoint AU

Word Count: approx. 2.4k

so, you’re Xiaojun’s enemy (he thinks of it more of his number one attacker tho)

it wasn’t hard considering he’s always on fight or flight mode and considering his friend group….

fight mode is always activated

(ง’̀-‘́)ง

so it started when you became friends with Ten

the guy is so sociable, so you were bound to meet him and his other friends someday

but jesus christ, there were soooo many of them

it was a party; he threw a literal party of just him and his friends

and then there were others who turned it into a rave (i.e. Hendery, Yangyang, Chenle and Donghyuk)

anyways, you got to mingle and make so many new friends

it was going really well

until Xiaojun entered the picture

things went well with him too, until you made a joke that didn’t exactly land with him

but it landed well with the others

Lucas: “who in their right mind would like mint chocolate”

Xiaojun: “but I like mint chocolate”

You: “then you’re not in your right mind lmao”

YangYang: “I mean, is Xiaojun ever in his right mind tho”

everyone laughs

except for one person

Xiaojun stood up, staring you down for a hot second, before trying to argue back

in which YangYang was the main responder

you didn’t really think much of it, laughing away with the others

but, to him, you just declared war that day

it shouldn’t have bothered him as much as it did

but it did

so, from then on, things just got rockier

bc he started picking fights with you over the littlest things or he would argue with your points no matter what

you didn’t really think much of it bc he was also being picked on everyone else and you were like

every man for themselves huh

it wasn’t until he personally attacked you

it happened on Halloween

and he made an underhanded comment about how he’d look better in anything compared to you

so you made a “friendly” bet

but then you lost

bc Xiaojun looked better in the Jasmine costume than you and he def knew it too

and when he smirked at you

the grudge had been built

that’s probably when the mutual enemy status circulated around your friends

although, if they’re being honest, it’s so entertaining

especially since most of them like to gang up on Xiaojun too

and because of that unity, it’s only made things worse

from what the others can tell

you two don’t hate each other, but you def don’t get along

it ranges to food (e.g. mint chocolate chip incident that NO ONE lets go)

Lucas: “mint choco ain’t shit”

You: “retweet”

Xiaojun: “the attacks”

YangYang: “we cannot trust a man who eats bread with fucking lao gan ma”

You: “you eat what with bread?”

Xiaojun: “shut up. all of you.”

to activities

cue you two fighting about what movie to watch

Xiaojun: “Titanic is a classic!!!”

You: “it’s a joke, there was rOOM ON THE FUCKING DOOR”

Xiaojun: “IT’S ROMANTIC. HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF SO SHE CAN LIVE.”

You: “THAT’S NOT ROMANTIC. THAT’S SUICIDAL, DUMBASS.”

this feud is def bc you’re both petty as fuck

the bickering is nonstop

but, if the nct boys are being honest

they’re lowkey confused bc Xiaojun is supposed to have a really high emotional tolerance

he doesn’t even yell this much at YangYang or Ten

(excluding that one time he hit YangYang with that pillow very hard)

but he does blow off his top when it comes to you

which is sus to a lot of the boys

whenever someone does ask him tho

he just kind of……………

mumbles underneath his breath and then moves onto something else

meanwhile, Yuta: “isn’t he always like that?”

Kun: “who wants to tell him”

lmao, I’m kidding

kind of

anyways, you two are really just going at it

what changes?

you have to go to the dentist and get your molars removed

which means someone has to take you and go pick you up

obviously, Ten was going to do that, considering you two were the closest

so he dropped you off and you had your surgery

so what happened?

welp, your buddy Ten forgot he had a prior engagement and, hence, was unable to pick you up

cue him spamming the groupchat

and Lucas exposing Xiaojun

Lucas: Xiaojun isn’t doing anything Xiaojun: you don’t know that Lucas: I do tho, go pick up (Y/N) Ten: I’ll buy you anything from that green tea cafe you like for a week Xiaojun: deal.

so he came to pick you up, both willingly and unwillingly

and you……. you were more than a hot mess

you were just a mess

you basically were just blacked out that entire time after they gave you the laughing gas and completed the surgery

so you remembered absolutely nothing.

your roommate: “this is what you get for doing drugs”

You: “IT WAS PURELY FOR MEDICINAL USE”

You: “IT’S NOT LIKE I DID CRACK”

either way, your roommate let you know of the situation, taking note of how your enemy had to take you home

which

again

no recollection

your roommate: “he’s fucking hot tho”

You: “ugh, I know”

but that’s also when you decided

Ten is a dead man :)

Ten: “I’M SORRY”

You: “YOU BETTER FUCKING BE”

Ten: “I KNOW”

Ten: “............................................but………………………………….”

Ten: “maybeyoushouldalsothankhimfortakingcareofyou”

You: “sorry not sorry, I’m contemplating murder rn”

Hendery: “what do you call a murder against a friend?”

Kun: “don’t”

Ten:

You:

Hendery: “it’s a homie-cide”

You and Ten: “NOT NOW”

anyways

you knew he was right

so after you calmed down, you went to Xiaojun’s place (thanks to Ten), with some sweets to thank him

Lucas opened the door, let you in, and left to go to the gym with Sicheng

Xiaojun came out of his room, a couple of minutes after, disheveled from his nap

and when he saw you in his living room couch, his eyes widened, darting around to avoid looking at you

You: “hi”

Xiaojun: “hello”

You: “why do you look so scared? I’m not gonna jump you”

he stays quiet, the blush becoming more apparent on his cheeks

You: “Ten told me you took me home after my surgery, so…………………… thanks”

Xiaojun: “he bribed me with pastries”

You: yeah, sounds about right

You: “still”

You: “um, I didn’t know what you would like, so I brought some sweets you can just go through”

Xiaojun: “thanks”

it’s silent for another moment and you consider bolting out from the apartment, Wizards of Waverly Place, Harper-style: “see ya in p.e.!” kind of a thing

but he speaks up once more

Xiaojun: “are you feeling okay now?”

You: “uh, yeah, my jaw still kind of hurts”

You: “but I have meds they prescribed to me for the next month or so”

he decides to stop beating the bush:

Xiaojun: “so do you remember what happened yesterday?”

You: “to be completely honest, no”

Xiaojun: “you… did a lot of things”

You: “what do you mean I did a lot of things”

Xiaojun: “you also said a lot of things too”

You: “..... are these things recorded?”

Xiaojun: “maybe”

Xiaojun: “some”

You: “dELETET HEM”

you actually considered tackling him, but deemed as too Yang-Yang-like

You: “what did I say”

Xiaojun: “I didn’t realize you thought I was handsome”

You: “wait what?”

Xiaojun: “you said, you had a crush on my ‘fine ass’”

You: “you know what? I think I’m gonna pull a Jack and commit suicide, goodbye”

Xiaojun: “ah, ah, ah, you said like, which is… present tense”

You: “semantics”

Xiaojun: “but did you like me at some point?”

You: “does it matter?”

Xiaojun: “yeah, it kind of does”

Xiaojun: “bc even tho we bicker, it’s, like, our thing”

Xiaojun: “plus, you’re kind of cute when you’re threatening to rip off my eyebrows”

You: “I did what?”

Xiaojun: “it’s no different from how you treat me now”

You: “I thought it’s because you don’t like me”

he just kind of shrugs, rubbing his neck rather sheepishly

Xiaojun: “you’ve seen my friends; arguing is our way of showing our affections”

You: “so, you’re saying this is your way of telling me you like me?”

Xiaojun: “I mean………“

Xiaojun: “are you saying you like me?”

You: “are you saying you like me?”

*cue another argument about who likes who*

eventually, he found a way to shut you up

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

cut to Lucas and Sicheng coming back from the gym to you and Xiaojun making out on the couch

Lucas: “NASTY”

Sicheng: “what did we…. miss?”

Ten somewhere: I fucking called it.

anyways

you both decided to date that day

and you two still bicker an insane amount, which includes you nitpicking Xiaojun’s tastes to Xiaojun refusing to delete those videos of you under the laughing gas despite your threats

but, the only difference is, your arguments can end with a kiss

and it always freaks out the guys whenever you do

Donghyuk: “I’m too young to be seeing this monstrosity”

Mark: “ngl, this is nice for them—they’ve stopped arguing”

YangYang: “I weirdly prefer them arguing over them with those sappy eyes tho”

You: “we can hear you”

Chenle: “but when have we ever cared?”

You: “I’m gonna beat your ‘01 liner ass istg—”

Xiaojun: “calm”

oh, you know what’s fun about your relationship?

you two can’t agree on some stuff right?

so whenever you have to decide something, say a movie or dinner, you two just heads-or-tails it

(there’s also this cute app where you put your options on a wheel and let that decide—the amount of times you’ve used that on your dates…… anyways)

most of the time, on these dates, you seem more like an old married couple and it’s super cute

it’s bc you’re already used to your worse sides coming out—the really petty ones, the screaming ones, the ugly ones

ofc these aren’t from serious arguments that occur

(remember folks, it isn’t healthy for you and your partner to always be fighting)

but when serious arguments do occur, you both take time to sit down and talk face-to-face

it’s hard to get into actual arguments with him, especially since he really is understanding and tries to pay attention to the smaller details

Xiaojun: “I like learning more about you”

You: “you can’t just say that kind of shit to me”

like, yeah, he’ll debate with you all night about why he needs to read the words of his book out loud but, by the end of the day, you’ll lay your head in his lap and listen to his voice as you fall asleep

speaking of which, you love listening to him sing to you

he gets a bit embarrassed sometimes about it, but seeing you smile so brightly at him makes him forget about it

because even tho you two bicker about little things, in the end, it just makes you two laugh at one another and how ridiculous you’re being

I almost forgot, so Ten thinks of him pairing you two off right?

so, whenever he does something annoying to either of you, he’ll constantly bring it up

Ten: “I guess this is how you two treat me, your personal cupid—”

Xiaojun: “yes, yes, we are grateful for you”

You: “but it would be nice if you would stop making those annoying sounds”

Ten: “what annoying sounds?”

YangYang: “that’s just you talking”

okay, no, but yeah—the nct boys are glad this rivalry is over because it was really just…. stupid to the core

but also bc you two look super sweet together and seeing you two making each other happy rather than annoyed is adorable

but just bc you two got together doesn’t mean the pettiness isn’t still there

You: “what type of freak sleeps with their eyes opened?”

Xiaojun: “I’m sleeping next to you, of course I need to keep both eyes open”

You: “RUDE”

Xiaojun: “and yet here we are”

You: “son of a bitch”

Xiaojun: “YOUR son of a bitch”

You: “eh, I’ll take it”

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straightouttaneptune · 5 years

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It girl pt. 6 - They know

Pairing: Mentor!Natasha Romanoff x Mentee!Reader, Platonic!Avengers x reader, Peter Parker x Reader

Warning: This chapter is just angst. Maybe a little fluff in the end if you squint hard enough. But the Bonus Scenes are pure fluff. xx

Summary: Natasha had once joked about picking a random new recruit trainee to teach all her skills since Tony had recently become Peter’s mentor. Fury sees this as a legitimate idea, and asks Natasha to choose her protège, code name: “it girl”.

A/N: The long-ass series has finally come to an end. Thank you to all the supporters, and please stay till the end if you wanna read some deleted scenes ;)

Prologue Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

———————————————————————

The remaining Avengers returned to the compound completely defeated, no one dared to utter a word as they retreated. For the first time in many years, they lost. Tony's whereabouts were still unknown, and the only string of hope left was the pager that Fury left behind.

The encounter with Carol Danvers, Tony returning to Earth weak and crushed, it only furthered their sorrow. The realization that Thanos had committed mass-murder on the universe, and they couldn't do anything to stop him. Even their last hope burned out, as Thanos had already gotten rid of the stones.

Natasha coped with losing you like how she always did. Built a thicker wall around her than before, spent her time in the gym and working. Every time she walked by your room in the compound, her mind replayed your smaller figure, twirling around the room in the ballgown you found in the closet.

She opens the door to land her eyes on the closet door, which you took the liberty of painting the Black Widow logo on it. She wipes a stray tear with her thumb, her soft sniffles loud in the soundless room.

Because of her devoted work, the orphans were safe with shelter and food. The Avengers was running smoothly even though the men just abandoned their work. When the sun shone through the glass walls and the light reflected off of her computer, it was fine. But once the moon rose in the dark night, her ears played cruel tricks on her, making her hear the little hums and laughs of yours.

"Natashen'ka. That's actually a pretty cool nickname, Ms. Nat."

"Haha, anything to get you to stop calling me 'Ms. Nat'."

During nights like this, she often found herself in the Philosophic room you spent so much time in, looking at little notes and gadgets left behind by you. MINT was a great listener, showing Natasha multiple mini videos of you blowing things up and freaking out.

You allowed yourself into Natasha's heart in the short span of a year, and she found herself welcoming you into her fragile heart like a daughter she never had. In the 5 years without you, she never forgot about you. She didn't put the stocked up cookies in your cupboard away, and she didn't even think of cleaning up your room in the compound.

But more and more, she started to heal herself, gradually coming to softly smile when she saw your bedroom door instead of crying.

But everything changed when Scott Lang pulled up into the Avengers Compound, with what seemed like an impossible plan to save the universe. She couldn't give that chance up. Even if it was a one in a million possibility, she wanted to give you a second chance. You were an extraordinary girl, and you were going to do great things someday. She knew that ever since she appointed you 'it girl' of the Avengers.

So she had to speak up when Tony rejected her, Steve and Scott's idea.

"Tony, think about the kids. Our kids. Please, think about it." Tony instantly understood what kids she was talking about, and his hardened face faltered.

"Our kids are gone." Tony went back into his house, clearly rattled. It was evident that Tony had a hard time dealing with Peter's death like Natasha had with you.

Which was why it came as no surprise to Natasha when Tony came back to the compound, with his time heist machine all figured out. The one she didn't expect, though, was being in this situation.

"Natasha, you can't. Y/N needs you." Clint sobbed, being held up by Natasha's grappling hook. He tightened his grip on her, who only had Clint to hold on to from falling to her death.

"She's strong, Clint. She's- so strong." She choked back a sob, readying herself for what she was going to do.

"No, no... Damn you!" Clint's eyes shot up to the ominous clouds, taunting him to let go of his best friend.

"Let me go." Natasha looked at him in the eyes, pure determination in her eyes. Her mind replayed every moment of her life, trying to remember every Avenger's smiling faces and carving them in her mind.

"It's okay." She snaked her hands away from his, kicking against the cliff to jump off. She felt her stomach drop from the fall, her beautiful smile gracing on her lips. She closed her eyes and imagined you, your big doe eyes looking up at her with a twinkle in your gaze. She couldn't remember why you looked so happy, but your smile never left her as the air from her lungs got knocked out, followed by falling into a long, sweet sleep.

Clint could only watch as she fell, hitting the ground lifelessly. Tears fell down his cheeks, sobbing uncontrollably before he fell unconscious as well.

☾

As soon as you walked out of that portal, the first person you looked for was Natasha. When you couldn't seem to locate where she was, you just assumed that she was somewhere in the big crowd. The battlefield was big, and it was normal for you to not be able to see your teammate.

You were left clueless, even as you watched Tony's life end before your eyes. You held Peter in a tight embrace, balancing him while his shoulders trembled as he cried for the fallen hero. You walked in silence as Steve carried Tony into what remained of the compound, still too busy comforting Peter to notice Natasha wasn't there. No one wanted to tell you, for they saw how broken Peter looked then, and they didn't want to do this to you too.

But ultimately, when Peter moved from you to beside Tony, you glanced around to look for and hug Natasha. Only then, did Clint work up the courage to tell you the truth. You stood in front of him for a few second unmoving, your mind completely frozen and malfunctioning.

"She-she sacrificed herself for the stones."

"No." Your hand flew up to your mouth, shaking your head as tears pooled in your eyes. The tip of your nose burned, and you found yourself falling on your knees. Your knees sunk into the dirt, teardrops threatening to spill. You let out a strangled cry, muffled by your hands. Steve was right by your side, pulling you into a hug as you broke down in his arms.

"I know, Y/N, I know." Steve was one of Natasha's best friends, and he was one of the first people you met in the compound. He understood the pain, that hopelessness of realizing that you'd never be able to see her again.

“Natashen'ka.” You mumbled in between sobs, tears soaking Steve's tac suit. But he didn't mind, he stayed on the ground crying with you.

You cried yourself to sleep that night, and only in your dreams did you find a little peace. That only lasted so long before you were woken up by Steve, who handed you a white letter and a cup of tea.

You thanked Pepper mentally for giving you a clean change of clothes, walking out of Tony's cabin in the crisp weather. Peter sat on the porch, looking out into the small lake.

"Hi, Pete." You greeted, your usual chirpy tone gone.

"Y/N. I'm so glad you're okay." Even though the loss, he still smiled at you, pulling you into a warm embrace.

"I'm glad you're okay too, Peter." You sighed into his neck, comforted by his usual scent and the feeling of his chest against you.

Later in the day when the Avengers were all gone to mourn in their own ways, you climbed atop the roof to collect yourself and read Natasha's letter.

My it girl.

If you ever read this, I won’t be around anymore, I’m guessing.

“Ohmygod! I DID IT!!” You squealed and jumped, eyes burning into the perfect shot at the paper shooting board.

“That was amazing!” Natasha laughed, your energy radiating off and rubbing onto her.

“You're already better than Thor.” She traced the bullet hole, grinning brightly back at you. You felt laughter bubbling in your gut, your mind replaying that one time Thor had to try shooting an enemy in battle. He crushed the poor magnum with his iron grip, letting out strings of curse words saying Midguardian weapons were too tiny.

I want you to know that- god, this sounds cheesy. But, you’re my legacy, Y/N.

I’ve done many things in my life. You know that.

But I can say with certainty, that the best thing I ever did, was choosing you that day.

“I’m sorry! Ms. Nat, please.” Your eyes welled with fresh tears, tugging onto Natasha’s suit sleeves desperately.

“I told you that it was too dangerous.” She turned back around at you and sighed, glaring at the now destroyed HYDRA hideout.

“I’m sorry. I just thought-“

“Thought that you could go in there and save everyone?”

“That’s what you would’ve done!”

“But you can’t do the things I’d do! If anything happened to you, I-“ She trailed off, hands flying up to her head, slicking back her debris-filled hair in annoyance.

“I wouldn’t know what to do then.”

So don’t cry, my Y/N.

Because I’m not gone.

I’m still here.

By your side, always.

You felt like your heart was being beaten with sharp blades over and over again, but you found it in yourself to smile at the letter. By your side, always. You gulped down another wave of intense sobs, looking up at the bright sky.

You wanted nothing more than for Natasha to pull you in a hug, for her to feed you Wanda's cookies to stop you from crying. Your heart felt empty, glassy eyes searching for purpose in the cloudless blue sky.

"Y/N." You turned around to see Peter, standing a few feet away from you with a concerned look. He walked over to you and sat down, wordlessly wrapping his arm your shoulder and letting you lean into him.

"I wish they had a way to know that we're safe, alive because of them." You whispered, afraid that your voice would crack if you spoke.

"They know."

BONUS DELETED SCENES

A collection of scenes that were actually written in the stories, but got cut because some of them didn't make sense.

"Where are you two going?" Tony caught you and Peter trying to sneak into one of SHIELD's jets, and you giggled as you turned around.

"Busted..." Peter grinned at you, the two of you trying to suppress your laughs.

"We're going to... well, see dem aliens." You said suddenly serious, determined eyes locked with Tony's.

"What?"

"It's the area 51 raid, sir!" Peter almost screamed, way too excited for his own good.

"But I own area 51? People are going to raid my property?!" Tony shrieked, running away back into the compound.

"Y/N, who do you think is better looking, me or the spawn of Satan?" Sam rushed up to you, smiling as he pointed at himself, then Bucky.

"Spawn of Satan?" You questioned, watching Bucky with a flower crown eating plums innocently.

"It's me, right? Hey, Y/N said it's me!" Sam ran away yelling, Bucky narrowing his eyes at you. You raised your hand up, shaking your head confused.

"So, the gossip is, Bucky and Steve are totally into each other." Wanda pointed out as she took a bite out of her cookie.

"Fascinating." You nodded, eyes focused on Wanda dishing out all of the Avengers' gossip.

"But Tony and Steve were like a thing before, so that caused this whole Civil War."

"I don't think-" Vision furrowed his artificial brows and tried to intervene, but Sam shushed him and Wanda continued.

"Oh! Do you want me to spill the tea on Thor and Bruce?"

"Spill!"

"So, Y/N. What do you think about Peter?" Natasha's voice had a hint of mischievousness in it, making you redden immediately. " You can't lie to a spy, Y/N."

"I think he's a great friend." Maybe an average person may not have been able to lie to her, but you were fantastic at manipulation. Short reply usually indicated that the speaker was telling the truth, rather than a long explanation.

"Hmm... Okay, then. You won't mind if I told you he likes you. Such a shame..."

"He likes me?" Ugh! A slip-up. She knew now.

"I knew it! TONY!!" She skipped out of your room and left you internally panicking.

"I say we watch gone with the wind today." It was the Avengers movie night, and you were on the couch snuggled next to Peter. Tony prepared the snacks, which meant that it was as perfect as it could be. You didn't know that there was a limited flavor ice cream named after Tony until today.

"Steve, we've watched that movie 4 times this week."

"It's a great movie!"

"Why don't we watch justice league?" Clint said, making everyone turn to him with crazy looks in their eyes.

"It's way too dark." You said, shaking your head.

"But it's supposed to be-" Before Clint could protest, you shook your head.

"No, I mean it's literally too dark. I can't see a goddamn thing."

The Avengers laughed and nodded in agreement, going back to searching for a good movie.

"Steve, she said a bad language word." Tony squeaked out, and everyone burst out laughing as Steve shook his head.

"This is literally never going away, Rogers." Natasha chuckled before she took a swig out of her beer bottle.

Thank you so much for reading 'it girl', to every reader who liked/commented/asked to be on taglist, you guys motivated me to continue this far to chapter 6. I hope the ending wasn't too brutal. If it's any consolation, in this story I intended for Steve to stay in the present. Love you muffins xx - Your Nep<3

Taglist: @mindset-jupiter @fangirlingisajob @theadventurousqueen @janekfoster @ballerboobitch @the-lady-cersei-lannister @golden--rain @dollofbucky @sakuranomegami @elizabeth-santana-98 @anne2cold @eyeballtoes @marvel-is-a-mood @roseryss @redqueenstorm @orchideax @huntersociopathavenger @petertinglessss @marv-ells @hopefuloperaangelnerd @je11yfishwriter @iloveyou3000morgan @kewl-r @missmulti @grace-barnes-13 @samarcher79 @slow-dance-in-the-dark @intricate-melody @editsbyjenny @brenleestar @a-vvenger @princessizzy36 @sweetcrvture @itsbebeyyy @caws5749 @thenerdiverse @captainam-erika-trash @shutuppeter @dark-night-sky-99 @weirdo-in-the-closet @s2pidhead @sofka-0610 @queen-destenie @nerdypartytrashpsychic @tywys

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dokidokiliteraturegirls · 6 years

Text

ako fanfic stuff etc.

hi i don’t know what to title this, and this fic is so rushed and bad honestly, but i just wanted to get it done and submitted before it slips out of my motivation. so yeah, it’s really fucking shitty (i didn’t even know how to end this lmao) but i still wanna share this, i hope you’ll like it

-Submitted by @yandere-sayori

“Dammit, not again…” Ako sighs, burying herself into her bed, clutching her blanket tightly to her chest and silently cursing Monika for once again beating her to the punch on impressing Sayori. “I swear, I’m going to find some way to win over Sayori’s affection one way or another…! Even if I can’t date her no matter what, I still… I still want to win her attention for once! I want to win against Monika for once!”

But of course, as bitter as Ako is about losing to Monika over and over again in their little microaggressive competitions to win Sayori’s praise and attention, she somehow knows deep down that she is simply clinging onto false hope that she is going to win someday. It’s absurd to even think she has a chance, especially since Monika’s already Sayori’s girlfriend, so that’s an automatic point in her favour, and an advantage in everything she does to impress her. But nevertheless, Ako still wants to try, as hard as she can, to be in Sayori’s spotlight for once.

“But… I still wonder how Monika keeps doing this…” Ako sighs, rolling onto her back and staring up at her gray ceiling, “She ought to have some secret that keeps letting her win like this, and I have to find out what her advantage is. She’s always spending free time at school working on… something, in an empty classroom, and that’s really suspicious… I must stay after literature club tomorrow, and find out her secret!”

With a burning new resolve to do whatever she can to win against Monika for once in her life, Ako goes to sleep, eager for the next day.

—

The next morning, when Ako arrived at school a few minutes before school started, she’s approached by Sayori, who gives her a bright smile and an energetic “good morning!”, to which she responds with the usual monotone but still nevertheless enthusiastic, “good morning”.

“Ako, have you heard about the new museum that opened last night!?” Sayori says excitedly, seeming to have gathered from Ako’s confusion that she in fact had not. “It’s soooo cool! Monika took me there for a date right after its opening, and it’s so amazing! I never thought I’d have an appreciation for fine arts!”

Argh, of course, Monika once again beats Ako to the punch, bringing Sayori to yet another new location that opened in town. Something just doesn’t add up though. Ako’s been keeping tabs on new events in town so she could find an opening, but she’s never heard news of any fine arts museums being built, and yet this just appeared out of nowhere last night. That doesn’t make any sense at all, and it’s so suspicious that Monika would right be there at the opening to take Sayori on a date there.

“Oh, really? I don’t believe I have ever seen much of fine arts before. Perhaps you could take me there sometimes?” Ako asks in her usual coy and inquisitive tone, not that she’s purposely trying to be coy, that’s just how she is. “I would like to find inspiration to further improve my own art skills.”

“That would be soooo fun!” Sayori squeals, already going through her calendar on her phone to try to find the best time for she and Ako to hang out at the museum together.

Ako’s attention isn’t completely trained on Sayori though. Rather, she is keeping her eyes on Monika, seated a few seats from her, giving her weird stares that Ako has gotten far too used to. Ako stares at her back, as if to challenge her. She is going to find out Monika’s secret today, no matter what.

“So, we can go… oh wait! Class is starting!” Sayori exclaims, clumsily putting her phone away. “We’ll finish making plans later, okay Ako?”

Ako nods, “Yes, we can do that. I look forward to it.”

“Me too!” Sayori sure is excited.

—

After school, after the literature club, Ako lingers behind, after having pretended to head home. She stalks around the empty classrooms, waiting for the opportune moment to spy on Monika and find out whatever she does on her laptop. Maybe secret intel on the town’s newest events before they even happen? Contracting companies to build new landmarks in secret with her parents’ money? Monika, what’s your secret!

Once Ako has ensured that she is in prime position to eavesdrop and spy on Monika without being detected, she starts listening in.

“Hmm, what else can I add to this town…” Monika mumbles to herself as she tic-tacs away on her laptop, typing something to which Ako is still ignorant. Her words do seem odd though, ‘add to this town’? What is this, Sims 3? “I’ve already done the mall, the carnival, the museum…”

Strange, Ako knows those to be the new landmarks that just popped up out of nowhere. What could Monika have done with those?

“Maybe instead of adding new attractions, I should consider other kind of objects I can add. Maybe… ooh, maybe regular nightfairs. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” Monika starts clicking and typing again, Ako finding her words stranger and stranger. “Man, coding complex object files really is a task though, I still haven’t really memorized all of the codes for complex objects yet. Maybe… yeah, it can’t hurt to consult her file again. This is purely for coding consultation, nothing more. …There she is, Ako.obj.”

…What? “Ako.obj”? Ako suddenly feels a weird chill running up her spine. What… what could this possibly mean? Could this really…? No, that’s impossible, that can’t possibly be true. This doesn’t make any sense.

“Man, I’m still impressed at how complex her file is. I never knew an object file could reference so many sprites like that to the point where she’s actually animated beyond just a silhouette. And the personality codes and stuff too, just like an actual character file…“ Monika giggles a bit, “To think, all of the new landmarks in town have her coding as their ‘parent’…”

No… no that’s not right. Ako feels her entire body tensing up, and her breathing becomes constricted. This isn’t right. She’s just an object file…? Not a character file…? And Monika is… coding everything in this reality? On a laptop? And she can read everything about her?

“…I really shouldn’t, but I kinda wonder about the newest change logs.” Monika pauses and ponders a bit, before going, “Nah, just a peak can’t hurt. I doubt there’s anything there I don’t already know about anyways. Went to school… learned about the museum… making plans… …just found out she’s a–”

Even whilst cowering and no longer looking at Monika, Ako could feel Monika’s horrified stare in her direction, the… programmer god or something having found out she’s been listening the entire time. Her heart’s pounding, her vision blurry, with Monika’s stare trained on her, Ako feels like her heart’s about to burst from her chest. Not being able to take this anymore, she bolts away from her hiding place, and runs away.

—

How is this possible? How can this be? This doesn’t make any sense, and yet it’s the reality. Ako’s just… an object, in a completely fictional world, in a world where there’s… who knows how many real people there are. Maybe it’s just the literature club? It would explain why every random passerby she sees from the top of the old abandoned building suddenly seem like black silhouettes rather than real people. None of them are real either. They’re all objects, just like her. The only ones who has any kind of colour and… life, are the four at the literature club. Ako doesn’t count, she’s not alive.

Just… why does she even bother? She’s never ever going to win Sayori like that. She’s not even alive, and Monika is… some kind of a freaking god or something, she literally programs this entire world and everyone in it. She can literally delete her file at any moment and just erase her from existence. What makes Ako think she can have any chance of winning Sayori? That’s just… that’s just plain delusion. It’s not like she had a chance to begin with anyways, Monika’s already her girlfriend. Just why even bother…?

Ako looks down the abandoned building again. She’s never had a fear of heights, but she can still feel the thrill of vertigo running up her spine as she looks down at how high up she is right now. She once read somewhere that if one wants to commit suicide, jumping from the 4th story guarantees a death. She should be sufficiently high up enough to guarantee a swift death. It’ll just be a quick, painful moment, and then it’ll be all over.

There’s nothing to fear about death. Ako isn’t even alive to begin with. She’s just an object. What happens to an .obj file when it dies? An object is not a real person, an object wouldn’t have an afterlife. Not that a fictitious world would have one to begin with. Taking off her shoes and leaving them behind, Ako’s about to find out what happens after death.

“Wait-! Please, don’t!”

Ako stops, just before she steps off the edge of the building, when she hears Sayori’s voice. She had a feeling she was going to try and stop her.

Still panting from having run so much to catch up to her, Sayori says exasperatedly, “Please, don’t jump, Ako-! Just… please, don’t do this…”

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Ako asks solemnly, “Sayori, why do you care? I’m not a real person. I’m just an object. You should save your energy for someone who actually deserves it.”

“Ako, don’t… don’t say that…” Sayori cries, desperation in her voice, “You’re… you’re my friend, Ako, and I really don’t have many! I don’t want to see you go, not like this…!”

“Sayori, I know the truth.” Ako says, her voice depressed, “I’m an object file. I’m not a character file, I’m not a living being, I never was. I don’t belong in… in the literature club. It doesn’t matter if I’m gone, nothing is going to change.”

“That’s not true at all! It matters to me, to Natsuki, to Yuri, to Monika! It matters to me, and all of our friends!”

“Monika?” Ako turns around and glares sharply, her expression finally changed from indifference to anger, “Sayori, you know as well as I she’s never going to accept me, that she’s always going to have your affections. She’s not just your girlfriend, she has freaking god powers, Sayori, and I’m just a fucking object. There’s nothing, not a fucking thing I can ever do that’s ever going to deserve your… your love, Sayori…!”

As much as Ako wanted to keep her angry disposition, in an attempt to intimidate Sayori into backing off and leaving her to die alone, as she finally admits to her true desires, her voice breaks and her tears well up. She didn’t want Sayori to realize her weakness, she didn’t want Sayori to care so she could just leave everything behind, and she’s so angry at Sayori for giving her second thoughts about dying.

“Ako, that’s… that’s not true…” Sayori tears up herself, finally seeming to realize Ako’s true feelings beyond just her words, “Ako, you’re my best friend, you don’t need to compete with her like this. I know… I know that she’s still being difficult about accepting you, but Ako, that doesn’t mean I love you any less…! I don’t care if you’re an .obj file or a .chr file, you’re my best friend, and I care for you so deeply! Like, there’s just…Ako, you… you and Monika are the two closest people to me in my life, I can’t bear losing you…!”

“Sayori…” Ako reaches up and wipes away her tears, just as they start to roll down her cheeks. Even now, she doesn’t want to show any weakness to Sayori, wishing she would just leave her alone already. “But why…? I’m not… I’m not even alive, I’m just… I’m just a silhouette given an image… why did you even approach me that day at the library…?”

“I… I don’t know why I did, but I don’t care.” Sayori sniffs, and blows her nose into her handkerchief before continuing, “Nothing… this entire world is just a game with complex programming anyways, nothing’s real, not even me, Ako. I’m… I’m ultimately just a file too, but I don’t care.. You’ve made my life so much better ever since you came into my life, you’ve been such a friend, even through our ups and downs, and we’ve shared so many beautiful moments together. So I don’t… I don’t ever want to lose you, Ako… “

Unable to hold herself back any longer, Ako hugs Sayori tightly, sobbing out all of the tumultuous emotions that has festered within her all day, as her best friend does the same, holding onto her tightly and crying into her shoulder. Although she’s still shaky and vulnerable, Ako finds comfort and solace in her best friend’s arms. And, for the moment, finally feels as if all is at ease.

—

“Ako, I want to apologize for having mistreated you all this time.” Monika sighs, her laptop closed, “I haven’t been handling my jealousy well at all, and have just been really unfair to you, even going as far as violating your privacy by using your file as a guide. I’m sorry.”

“…It’s fine.” Ako says nonchalantly, seeming to have returned to her usual monotone, the only signs of emotions on her being the redness around her eyes after having bawled her eyes out. “You just wanted to make a beautiful world for your girlfriend.”

“Ako…” Sayori frowns and pouts. As flattered as she is to hear that, since it very much is true that Monika has been generating new content for her sake, she doesn’t really want Ako to just resign like this.

“No, like I said, this isn’t fair to you.” Monika says firmly, and adds, “I promise I won’t open your file again, and that if I really want to start learning to program more complex objects, I’ll learn through legitimate means rather than just copy and pasting parts of your file. In fact, if you want, I’ll even ask Sayori to put a password on your file so I can’t access it-”

“That won’t be necessary.” Ako says, smiling a bit. “I appreciate the sentiment though.”

For a moment, Monika eyes up Ako’s smile a bit, seeming to interpret it as a smug smile at having won against her for once, before Sayori suddenly steps in and says, “Okay, the both of you, from now on, no more competing over me, okay?”

Ako and Monika both turn their attention to Sayori, a curious look on their faces. Sayori continues, “These… these little competitions were nice and all, but now they’re amounting to nothing more than causing trouble. Monika, you’re my girlfriend, and you know I’m always going to love you romantically as my girlfriend. Ako, you’re my best friend, and you are as important to me as Monika is. So just please, stop competing for my attention, okay-? I’m always going to love the both of you a lot, and I’m always going to want to spend more time with the both of you. So just please, get along-?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.”

“Very well, I won’t.”

Sayori gives a small smile, and pulls Ako and Monika both in for a tight hug. “Seriously, I love you two so much, you two have brought more meaning to my life than anything else, and I never, ever want to let you go.”

“Sayori… I love you too.” Monika returns the hug, putting her arms around both Sayori and Ako, although at first hesitant about being so close to Ako. “I’ll work on my issues more so they’ll stop causing trouble.”

“Sayori…” Ako says quietly, and returns the hug as well, hugging Monika as well. “…Thank you. Thank you so much…”

#❤️❤️❤️AAAAAAAAHHHH THIS IS SO GOOD AND SO CUTE OMG I LOVE IIIIIIIIIT ❤️#thank you soooooooo much for taking the time to write this it is fantastic!!!#thank you thank you thank youuu ❤️#fanart #fanfic #tw: suicide #submission

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waitinginthedarke · 7 years

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Maybe Someday

A Kwon Jiyong Story

Summary: She was a rose, and he was the darkness that should have killed it…but when a rose is made of enough light to penetrate even the deepest darkness, sometimes the two are able to become one…

Genre: Fluff, Smut.

Part 9.5

[Y/N: Where are you? I need to talk to you.]

[KJ: Message seen.]

‘Aish.’ You mutter to yourself, feeling utterly helpless where you were sat in bed, having been forced to leave training after you’d tried to rehearse and had continued to show signs of being in pain.

‘Just rest for tonight, you can start again in the morning.’

You’d seen the blatant dislike for his own words in the choreographer’s eyes even as he’d said them, but after being lectured by the likes of Jiyong he wasn’t about to go against the wish of one of the biggest gear heads of the company.

Ever since your argument with said man, you’d been trying to get hold of him all evening after the way you’d snapped at him and he’d walked out, having spent a good few hours moping and deciding it just wasn’t meant to be, before realizing you were actually quite angry and that you wanted to yell at him about it. But no matter how much you’d text and called him, he hadn’t responded, leaving you with only ‘Message seen’ notifications to keep your frustration bubbling away inside yourself.

‘Why wont you just answer me!?’ you snap at your phone, before you throw it across the room, hearing an ominous cracking sound resonate from the device as it collides with the floor.

‘Shit.’ You whisper, staring in concern toward it, making to retrieve it but getting caught by your leg protesting in pain, resulting in you slumping against your bed with tears stinging at your eyes.

Its after 5 minutes of forcing yourself not to cry that you hear a quiet commotion emanating from the front room, and you refocus your attention on what was being said beyond the wall that separated the rooms.

‘Why is he calling us in at this time?’

‘I don’t know, the message just says that he wants to have a meeting now, although he did write that Y/N didn’t have to come because of her injury- I wonder how he already knows-‘

‘That’s not important right now, Jinnie. What’s more important is whether we should tell Y/N about it…-‘

‘Of course we-‘

There is silence for a solid minute, the pause giving your brain time to panic about (you assume) Yang’s request to hold a meeting with your group, minus yourself. He never usually called meetings this late, or with this little notice, unless the topic was severely serious, and after what had happened that evening, you couldn’t help but begin to freak out that he was going to push your debut back because of your injury.

‘Come on…if we tell her, she’ll only work herself up over it…-im sure its nothing-‘

‘But Chaehyeon!-‘

‘Jaemin, she’ll be okay, she’s probably sleeping, we’ll be back before she even knows we’ve left…now, lets go.’

You could feel your throat contracting sickeningly as the sounds of them leaving reach your ears; the shuffling of feet, the ruffling of coats, and the click of the door as the catch slides into place, all of it making you want to cry out at your inability to help, to be a part of the team like you should have been in that moment, especially with how close you were to your first release.

You’re too busy screaming silently at your dark thoughts as they curl around your mind, that you don’t pay any attention to the sound of the keypad to the front door dinging with an accepted pin code; too busy curling into yourself and hiding your face in your bed sheets to hear the exchange of shoes to slippers, and the footsteps as they walk into the kitchen to deposit something, before the anonymous intruder makes their way over to your bedroom door.

His entrance is silent, the minute your door handle turns and your door creaks ajar giving you a mild heart attack, but before you have time to freak out, your mind catches onto the face that was angled toward the floor, the familiar high cheek bones, and cats eyes causing your heart to continue to pound harshly in your chest as you realize that the subconscious wish that had been pedaling itself around your mind had come true.

‘Jiyong?’

He doesn’t respond to your whisper of his name- at least not openly. You watch statically as he seems to draw in a breath before slipping into the room, making sure to close the door quietly behind him, as though he might disturb someone, having to take a moment before turning toward you, and only then does he raise his eyes to find yours.

He looks so out of place here.

‘I don’t know what im doing here.’

It wasn’t what you’d expected him to say, but then again, you weren’t sure what you’d wanted him to say anyway, you simply found yourself being thankful that he was there, and that your frustration at him had dissipated slightly with his presence.

‘I…I told Hyunsuk about what happened…about your leg-he called the others in to discuss what was going to happen before the debut…but, I…I was meant to go home- and then…I… I found myself here.’

The shadows in the room seemed to caress him, and you found yourself wanting to reach out and pull him towards you so that they’d disappear from his expression, your heart desperately needing to see him smiling again, but before you could even move from your position where you were still laid on the bed, he was walking over to you, pausing just at the edge of your bed, before twisting to perch on the edge.

‘Why didn’t you answer me?’

Your question doesn’t seem to surprise him, the vocalization of it simply causing him to chew on the inside of his cheek as he avoids looking at you, whilst his hand hesitates to rest on the bed, seeming to timidly inch toward you, before he swallows thickly and pulls it onto his lap, his shoulders hunching into himself as he faces away from you.

‘I didn’t know what to say.’ He murmurs, barely taking a breath before he carries on in a quiet voice.

‘Usually I’d have deleted your number and turned up at the nearest club by now.’ He begins, the initial statement making your stomach churn, but he’s continuing too quickly for you to really get caught on that image, although your mind continues to linger on one specific word he’d said; ‘Usually’.

‘But for some reason I stayed at work for much longer than I should have…I just…I didn’t want to go home. …and then when I spoke to Yang and he called a meeting with the rest of your group,…instead of driving home, or to a club, …I drove here and waited outside until the others had left- I just-..I don’t know what to do; I-…I don’t want to let you go- I needed to make sure you were okay…I-’

His head falls into his hands as he groans the last sentence, any further words falling short of being spoken as he seems to get lost in his head, seeming utterly confused of himself, and his shattered expression and exhausted posture has you trying to sit up without thinking, almost instantly hissing quietly in pain when you twist your leg the wrong way and he’s immediately turning towards you to help support you into a sitting position.

‘You need to rest. …I brought some hot chocolate from the café downstairs cause I figured it would help cheer you up.’ He murmurs, helping to prop your leg up on a pillow, keeping his head down all the while, and you cant help but stare at him as you wonder why you hadn’t always seen him as the kind-hearted, caring man he was being now; somewhere along the line he’d stopped being ‘G-DRAGON’, he’d even stopped being Kwon Jiyong…now, he was simply the man you found yourself falling for.

‘I’m sorry for getting angry at you earlier…I shouldn’t have snapped at you, I was frustrated-‘ you begin to explain, a need rising in you to clear the air and make him understand that you didn’t mean what you’d said, your actions coming from a place inside you that realized that you didn’t want to lose him, but even as you start to apologize, his hand on your cheek and the way he shakes his head gently has your words trailing away as he leans in to touch his forehead to yours.

Even though you knew he’d been about to say something, you cant help but lean in to touch your lips to his, his mouth being so close to yours, and the hours that you’d spent without him being too much of an incentive for you to resist…although by the way he responds by sliding his arm around your waist and clutching you to him, you understood immediately that he felt the same way.

‘Tonight has made me realize just how much you mean to me…but im still sorry for making you angry.’ He mutters as he pulls away from your lips slowly, opening his eyes steadily to peer back at you, and the warm glow that emanates from his oak irises has your insides squirming happily as you peck his lips again, before pulling him closer to you and forcing him to lie beside you so that you could use him as a pillow, the comfort that you felt with him being in your room giving you confidence you didn’t know you had, but that you were glad for when you laid your head on his chest and felt his arms wrap warmly and securely around you.

‘I’m just happy you’re here. I missed your smile.’ You murmur quietly, already feeling yourself relaxing into the enticing embrace of sleep as he slowly strokes your hair, but after 5 minutes of being petted by him and almost falling asleep several times, you cant help but chuckle at his quiet murmur as his voice turns awkward.

‘Okay, but you know I cant stay here all night, right? I’ve got to leave before your friends come back. …Y/N? ….Y/N?’

‘Mmm, 5 more minutes.’ You mutter, curling closer into him, and even though you cant see his face, you can sense the smile that curls his lips as he watches you in the words that he says next.

‘Aish…I can’t fight your cuteness. Okay…5 more minutes.’

(T.B.C)

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leonawriter · 7 years

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Waiting On A Word

Read it on AO3

Fandom: Doctor Who

Characters: Bill, Heather, Penny, Twelve (mentioned), Missy (mentioned)

Pairings: Bill/Heather

Summary: When Bill realises that the Doctor might not have been as gone for good as she'd thought, she decides to go back to Bristol to see if he reappears. She owes him a proper goodbye, even if nothing else.

...

It's hard not to be distracted, now. She can't even blame herself for it, either - here she is, serving chips again, when she could be out there, travelling the stars with her girlfriend.

Girlfriend. Wow, that's still new. Even a few months going around touring time and space couldn't get rid of how new that felt.

Bill catches herself smiling, which is great, but she really needs to focus. It wasn't like she'd come back to work as a chip girl for fun, after all. There was a reason.

You saved me, made me back into me again, she'd said to Heather one day, as they sat on the top of a space station and watched the workers in their space suits float by, kept from flying free by the equivalent of ropes and cords. If it weren't for the Doctor, I wouldn't even have got that far. He saved my life - so many times.

She could still remember shivering from the memory of the last time she'd been out in space without a suit or a helmet to protect her. Heather reminding her that the way they were now, they weren't in any danger. And then, the sudden thought to ask if her tears landing on the Doctor might have done anything to him, and Heather shrugging.

My mum always told me that if I was lost, she'd said, starting to think, I should stay right where I am. Or go someplace someone'd know to find me. At least, that's what I always thought she'd say. It makes sense, though.

Figuring that might work this time, or even that it was what she thought she needed to do, had still taken a few different encounters - some friendly and some not so - where Bill was sure they were talking about the Doctor - her Doctor, not any of the others, like the one someone'd said had raced through their market stall like a, well, a thing that sounded like it was a drunk giraffe wearing a bowtie, or the one that'd had the locals freak out because he was wearing so much white, that they apparently associated with death, and a weird vegetable attached to his clothes. A few mentions of someone calling himself 'Doctor' in a blue box and going on about broken promises was plenty enough to make her suspicious.

She had her ideas as to who those other ones were, though.

He's her, he'd explained to her in the barn, sitting next to her but not quite as close as she could remember them being. At some point he must have died, and when he did, he became her. It's called regeneration. I've done it myself. At some point, I'll need to do it again, when this body's worn too thin. I've never been a woman, though. Who knows, maybe next time that'll be me.

He'd turned to her and smiled slightly, although even at the time she'd known it hadn't been a really happy one. In his own weird way, he'd just been trying to cheer her up.

Another dish washed and put on the drainer. She reached out for the next.

...

As soon as she could after reorienting herself from not having been home or anything for over ten years, revisiting all the places she used to know so well, and she began taking the initiative a bit more.

Heather held her hand on the way up to the Doctor's office, giving her a supportive look that she'd really needed when she gathered up the courage to just knock.

The worst thing was when nothing happened. Just like the rest of the staff and students had said, he was just... gone. Ever since he'd got it into his head to test Missy.

Heather took them through the door, just to check, but they weren't there long. Everything was exactly as she'd remembered it - the photos still there, perfectly untouched. Papers unmarked - she could see her last one there on the pile by her handwriting, which was weird - and a cup of tea gone cold, another reminder that it hadn't just been her and the Doctor, but Nardole, too.

There was an empty spot in the corner where the TARDIS should be, conspicuous by its absence.

Heather tugged at her hand as she felt her throat tighten, and the next thing she knew, they were somewhere else entirely, a few thousand years into the future, where the sky rippled in different colours.

...

When they came back next, Heather materialised in the kitchen behind everyone's backs and pretended all innocent like, as though she'd not just been on the other end of the cafeteria hall with that smile of hers.

Bill didn't think the others much believed either of them, but without suggesting she was, oh, some sort of time-and-space hopping water alien, no one could argue much, either.

She'd normally have been annoyed when she was left on her own to finish washing up after everyone, but this time she didn't mind. They made a good team - when they weren't splashing soapy water in each others' faces, and Bill wasn't laughing because it reminded her of how Heather'd looked when she'd first turned into the Pilot, and how this was way less scary or freaky. Then Heather splashed her, and said you're like me now, and they'd ended up kissing in St. Luke's kitchen, Bill smiling just like she had the first time, dishes forgotten for a minute or so.

I still don't understand, though. Out of everyone, she chooses me.

Not a bad thing, though, just something more to smile and thank her lucky stars over.

...

A few days later found them standing in front of the vault the Doctor had kept Missy in, Bill feeling just a bit silly over how nervous she was just to be near that thing - the last time she'd had anything to do with that woman, she'd ended up converted into a Cyberman, and from what the Doctor had said, that wasn't the worst she, or he, had ever done - because she was like Heather now, right?

Heather squeezed her hand, and Bill knocked.

This time, she felt guilty to be relieved that nothing happened, even after a few minutes.

It really was just an empty box behind a door in the basement of the university, now. Nothing scary about it.

She hesitated as they were about to leave, though, a thought crossing her mind, a question that suddenly needed to be answered.

"You know how when you were first trying to find me, and the Doctor came down here to make sure it was all secure and everything? Could you have? I mean, got in there?"

Heather considered the vault doors for a moment, but then shrugged, turning back to face Bill.

"Dunno. Wasn't really after whatever was in some dusty old vault, was I?"

"It was kinda a 'who', not a 'what'."

Which was weird to think about, now - she hadn't known at the time, though she had wondered what could be so important. After their discussion on the roof that one day before Missy's test that'd gone to hell in a hand basket, it kinda made more sense.

"That's what I was thinking, too," Heather says, a smile in her eyes, and Bill takes her hand again, thinking I'm glad you came back, and not for the first or last time.

...

They run into Penny not long after, in between kitchen duty and something infinitely more interesting, because of sudden cravings for Earth chocolate, which, despite what the stalls on some alien planets in the far future said, the taste was never going to be as authentic as it was bought straight from the supermarket

It was awkward, at first. If she was honest, Bill would say she was worried because it might look kinda like she'd been cheating, and with an extra ten (now a bit more than ten) years since they'd last seen each other, it'd taken until now to remember that they'd been talking about having a quiet movie night in someday.

It was a relief when everyone was properly introduced and everything was explained, there weren't any hard feelings.

"You know," Penny said once things had calmed down some, "I think it's all for the best anyway. I don't think we would've worked out. No offence, really! Just, I don't think I could keep up."

"What with world powers crashing our dates?"

"Don't even remind me," Penny said, covering her face with her hand somewhat. But they both ended up laughing, and drawing Heather in when Bill realised that she didn't know what'd happened, and then explaining about the whole incident with the Doctor saying that the first time they'd tried for a date, it'd been crashed by the bloody Pope.

Through trial and error, they still manage to end up having their movie night in, though it's probably nowhere near what they'd first planned for it being, with Penny being the only properly human human left in the room, the three of them watching Guardians of the Galaxy, and the three of them spending half the movie laughing at the inaccuracies - mostly Heather, pointing out that no ship would work without this or that really scientific thing - and singing along to the soundtrack.

It'd been ages since she'd felt this nice, this happy, this at home. Seeing the people she cared about laughing and smiling. She didn't think she'd seen Heather smile about something that wasn't showing her another new part of the universe before, and sometimes something normal, Bill had long since decided, could be really, really important.

The only thing was, there was still something - someone - missing.

...

AN: This was originally meant to have a scene at the end, which was half done when it ended up being deleted by accident. I might still be able to re-write it at some point - I really hope so, because that one scene was most of why I wrote this in the first place. But for now, I like the bits with Bill and Heather enough that I want to share them anyway.

That said, it was also done with the intention of it being slightly AU to the canon episode, wherein the Doctor was fully healed by Bill's space engine oil tear, so he's able to go places a bit before the events of the Christmas Special start. Additionally, the fic ‘Standing By’ is canon to what I’ve written here.

#doctor who #dw stuff #dw fic #Leona fic

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allisonike · 6 years

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Untitled.

There's this person, a friend; a colleague or maybe just a acquaintance that still hold a place in my heart and I wondered and still wonders why.

Her name is Fiona. I have mentioned about her a few times and told myself that there will never be a ending since there isn't a start to begin with.

I have to admit that I did enjoyed her company that few months. Maybe she came into my life at a point of time that I needed a close friend? Maybe she brought something out of me that I wished and hoped that I have a friend who I could do stuffs with? Flirt a lil, talk until we fell asleep and waking up to see that none of us ended the call and continued talking. The longest was like 7 to 12hours and it felt good, good to have someone I could do such things with. To have someone that I could just hold hands with without being labelled with names. To have someone to hug and felt comfortable with.

Perhaps I took a wrong turn and thought something might change between us even though deep down I knew we wouldn't.

I wasn't her type of girl and I knew it. I don't know if I was showing it the wrong way or pushing her into something but I knew I wasn't someone she's into. I knew.

But I hated the way she cut her contact with me. Yes; I hated and still hates it. It's like one day we are good and the next day,we werent anymore. Like this friendship doesn't even seem important to her at all. I hated the fact that she just ran away and started giving cold shoulders and I kept crying for days and wondered what did I do wrong in this friendship or to her unknowingly. Crying myself to sleep every night and kept on asking myself why.

She refused to talk to me about what happened or why is she doing till a point that eventually I may have start begging till she finally say it.

I was hurt; very hurt but my guess was right and I blamed it on myself. I was giving wrong signals to her and she felt scare and run away. I was wrong. But I hoped and wished that she would have said it rather than running away. I hoped but I figured that everyone have their way of dealing with issue:

We were friends but we knew things couldn't be and wouldn't be like before. There's no more overnights calls nor did the neverending texts continued. She was being nice at some point of time whereby she will take photos of scenery and sent me when she go overseas because she knew I love it. It was only a one time thing but I appreciated it. But very soon, everything stopped and even though I was trying to find back the friendship we shared like before but I felt that she wasn't interested or keen to continue the friendly anymore. I could have been wrong, I don't know.

Eventually I stopped with all the texts and stuffs because I'm tired of all these shits. It's take times, a week or few before I finally let go of my phone and find something else that interest me more.

I came to realzied that if someone doesn't want me in their life, why do I even bother trying to stay when all they do is to push me away. Perhaps to make my life and probably theirs, better in some way, I should stop and I did.

We are not as close as before but friends do help each other and I stick to my promise to help at certain issue which I don't mind since it's not out of my convenience.

I knew she like her intern and they were close. I wouldn't say I'm not jealous but more envy because I knew she's a good person and a good friend and definitely a good partner (since everyone is telling me how good she's when we were friends) but at the same felt happy for the girl who she like. FOR REAL.

She had my password to my email to check my schedules for meetup purpose in the past. I gave it to her and never thought of changing my password since she's still someone i trusted.

I helped took her calls when she's sick because I know how sucky it can be when you're sick and you still have to make calls or when you're running late and got put on hold on calls. I helped her intern, too, when she text me that's she late or sick, until one day.

She texted and asked if I told anyone about her helping her intern making calls because her manager questioned her. And since I was the one who took all the calls, I was her no1 suspect. But why would I? I'm not close to her manager nor do I want to get myself into troubles.

God know how angry and upset I was at the same time. I freaking knew how important her intern meant to her but for fuck sake, why would I tell anyone? That's my job and I shouldn't even be giving anyone special treatment. Once in awhile, yes, we helped because it needed to be done but not always. Everyone knew I had this manager who's out to get me and who hated and dislike me for god know whatever reason it might be, why would I on the right mind tell anyone at all? But obviously, that didn't cross her mind at all. I said whatever I had to said to her, I can't remember if she even did apologized but who care?

Everything went back to normal but definitely, the friendship to me, was nothing to held closely anymore. Initally, I still help her with the calls with some texts awishing she'll get well soon and her ending off wiith a thank. But it began to make me frustrated that whenever she text me, she will used that nickname "xiao mei" and follow by her calls and that's it. Other times, I won't even receive any single texts from her. It started with me wishing her get well soon to nothing except ok.

There were times that I felt frustrated at work, with colleagues, with friends, with that manager and needed someone to talk to. I'm always the kind who need to talk it out and I thought she will be someone I can talk to. Guess I was wrong. By the time I was done talking or barely making to the halfway mark, she started replying along the lines "suck it up, it's your life. Deal with it"

It definitely hurt me a lot when she said that. Like I do know I need to suck it up but perhaps I was hoping for some comfort words just to get by the day. I didn't speak about my life to her from then on knowing it will lead to nothing but me getting hurt more by someone whom I used to call friend.

There was once, we had dinner together (I kinda force her to have it with me and I shouldn't have but now I was glad that I had) We were talking about something which I couldn't remember and she said somewhere along the line "if we were to choose friend by look, you wouldn't even be my friend at all" .

That sentence itself hurt me very bad and it's still hurt as bad as the first time I heard it and haunt me till this moment while I'm typing. I knew and knows for all my life that I wasn't pretty, cute and have great body shapes or good looking features at all. But I thought I wasn't that bad, neither too good or too bad, just normal, normal enough that although it didn't catch anyone attention nor did it scare away anyone.

My world came crashing down on me that night. I laughed it off but I knew I wasn't being honest and truthful to myself that moment. That's was probably our last dinner or last meetup, I can't remembered but neither do I care anymore.

With all these incidents built up slowly, I snapped at the point when I check my email and that she was still logged in to my account a few days back at that point of time. Finally I came to conclusion that I was right all these time when she always managed to text me when I'm at work for calls. I didn't wanted to check and believe it. I always push to a thought maybe it just happened coincidentally but I was wrong. I deleted her permission to check on my mail anymore from then on and proved me right when later her calls were all done by herself.

That was when our friendship came to a complete end. Was there even one at all after she decide to stop contact very back then?

I needed to end it because it was hurting me, to a point that I felt I was being used. How she would just text me randomly and complained to me about one of my new colleagues and then eruptedly ended the conversation when she's done complaining but I always wanted to tell her that there's a casual lead of her, a guy, who told my colleague that he ended work and if the paperwork can be done tomorrow instead. Fuck. But I didn't. I didn't wanted to be like her.

How's life after all these incidents? She never say "hi" anymore and I just pretend and ignore her existence when I saw her. It was hard and sometime when she called, my heart would jump but my voice just went flat and hang the call up immediately when it ended. We do, sometime still say hi or chitchat awhile but it's nothing more than being polite and socialize with one another.

When I quit the company, I wanted to tell her and bid goodbye to her. Even during my last few shifts, I wanted to do so but didn't. Till this very moment when I'm typing all this, I still want to text her and let her know but I always stopped myself from doing iso. Asking myself why did I even bother and will she even care at all?

I typed a few times and kept something out because I was afraid someone I knew will read it and tell her. But I left the company and I needed a full closure to myself that it's all the past now and I shouldn't hold on any grudges or hatred but I'm still hurt by her words.

Perhaps, someday in the future, I would meet friends who will tell me that I'm beautiful for who I am and they will never judged me and make friend with me just because of my look? I'm not going to bring any high hopes at all, to be honest.

It's almost 4am and I never expect myself to type this long. If you have taken your time to read, thank you and sorry if it bored you out. If you didn't and scroll all the way down, I'm fine with it too.

I just need to let it out and I kindal better now.

(I re-read it and make some changes along the way. There were thoughts that came to my mind and I wanted to type a paragraph for her wishing her all the best and happiness in life but I wasn't sure if that's what I want and if I'm able to do it sincerely with a whole heart. I'm not a person with a great and big heart like this to do so but I do hope she can find her true love and happiness someday.)

That's all folk. The real ending.

Thank you and goodbye.

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katrinthedork-blog · 7 years

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Dear NS,

Remember that night? I hate that it affected me more than how I had intended for it to. Odd that I have this weird feeling in the pit of my heart, little flutters on the base of my stomach when you cross my mind or even when I hear your name. I hate that you had to tell me. It got to me so bad. I hate that I lied. I lied about not regretting that night when you asked me. I do. I regret it so much. Whether or not you meant what you said or you just found it something to pass the time, to run away from your feelings and the existing problems attached to them. Something, anything that would excuse you from doing so, for feeling so. Until now I don't know. Maybe you were just hurt and vulnerable and I was just there, naïveté, willing listening to you. Unbeknownst to me that I would be in this position feeling all the turmoil inside of me. I hate being confused. I like to be in control, I mean I try my best to be but I cannot control my heart skipping a beat when I think of you and I hate how much that I do. I hate that I think about you all the freaking time. It makes me wonder if somewhere in the back of your mind, you are thinking of me too. Which I doubt. I hate how much I liked it when you held my hand that night as if it was the only think that kept you grounded, or when you placed your head on my shoulders because you were tired but you didn't want me to go and you didn't want to as well. Or when you swung your arms over me for a couple of times even when I wriggled out of you. You kept on wanting to hug me, I can tell from the way you moved. That one last one though, the one when your dad called you up but then you had to lie and said that we were still driving when in reality we were just outside your house. You told me you don't want me to leave and you just wanted to be with me. You asked for one hug. You held me ever so tightly but I didn't hug you back at first. I did it anyway. I succumbed into the temptation. You asked me if I could hug back tighter and I did. I stupidly did and you placed your lips on the top of my head, softly planting a kiss. My head just in line where your heartbeat was. Was it just me or was it hammering against your chest? I pulled away though, because it was unfair and not right. If only we were someone else it would have been so magical, it was surreal. How could you, a golden boy, be wanting this, wanting me? That was just one night but it felt like forever to me. I was just about to leave but you slowly leaned into me and this time I made an effort to push you away. Everything flashed into my mind. I remembered who you are, who I am, what we were and where we both stand. This was not a fairytale, not even a story that would have a happy ending. I hate myself for allowing you to have this power over me. You don't even know, but maybe you do. I hate that everything is so wrong but it felt right with you at that moment. We know how we were both in a shitty disposition at that time. It was a moment of weakness. You with her and me with him. And we both know quite well what we had gotten ourselves into, what I had gotten myself into. I probably lured you in with how I acted unconsciously and you took it in a way, but in reality it was me who took the bait. I hate that all it took was one night to screw it up. To screw me up. I hate that you said that it was two weeks in the making. I hate how you told me that I was one of the reasons why you came early to practice. I hate how you lied that you didn't know what to wear for the dress rehearsals even though somebody had already told you. You said it was an excuse for you to talk to me. I hate how you outright told me that you wanted me, not love but you did have feelings for me. I hate how easy for you to tell me about what you felt. I sometimes question if it was really true. I hate that I have screenshots of your messages to fossilize the time when we were talking, how short it was, so that I could keep it forever. It is not forever. I get that. I hate the feeling of letting you go when you weren't even mine. I hate that you left without a word. I hate that now I have to lie that I don't have feelings for you, because would it have mattered if I told you? Would you have changed your mind? But was I right? Was whatever we had right? If that really counts as something which I doubt it is. It wasn't. That's why it got to me so bad. How much I almost wanted to say it back and admit that it had affected me in ways that you said you were, too. But IT DOESN'T MATTER. It Doesn't Fucking Matter. It doesn't matter to you so why should it matter to me, right? Who was I, at the end of all this? I don't even have the right to feel this way. After all I'm just the girl who temporarily took your pain away in the moments that you were hurting. I'm just the girl you met on the play and had the heart to tell you to go follow your dreams when she was holding you back. Yet you love her despite that. I applaud you for that. It is clear as day to me that I won't even be remotely close to the list that mattered to you. I know you wouldn't have changed your mind. I hate feeling the heaviness settle in my heart because of guilt. My conscience keeps on reminding me how wrong this was, how brutally unjust it is to feel this way while I love another. I hate how at this time, I have to constantly remind myself that you love her and I love him when I try to think of the possibility of us. This is just not right. I hate how hypocritical I feel for saying that you just assumed that I liked you, but look how the tides have turned. Now look who stupidly assumed. I hate that I did, but I didn't know what to even expect with it. I hate now that I have to avoid you because of the shame that I feel because of how I feel about you in secret, lurking. But thank the heavens I don't really see you much. And I won't look for you, don't worry. What happened today was a total joke on me played by fate. You weren't supposed to be where I was. I wasn't supposed to hide in the corner in order to avoid you (how freaking embarrassing). I pray that it won't happen again. I hate that I know you're not really worth thinking about. Yet look at me writing this in all hopes to forget this feeling, forget the memory and forget you. I promise you, you're not worth it for me, not even half. At least that's how I hope it should be. I hate that I hope you are happy where you are. And I hated it more that I hope I was a help to make her realize how lucky you both are to have each other, how lucky she is to have you. How lucky I am to have him. Maybe after all this, I was just a bit thrown off, just as you are confused, were confused. You admitted it to me. Words are just words though. And other than that night, those words that took form of our exchange in messages, are all I have. I hate thinking about how I have to delete them someday because I am stupid thinking they are something of value. But trust me, I will, watch me. And watch me move on from this temporary feeling, this infatuation. I hate that I even have to. It was just a mistake, a glitch in our emotions, an open wound. It was never meant to be but just a lesson never to be too vulnerable. I may even hate you, for putting me to this position. Yet I think I like you just a little and enough for me to write this. I had poured out everything on to this letter to get all the feelings of my chest and it worked. And this is me saying good bye, even though you won't ever get to read this. So goodbye to this infatuated feeling and goodbye to you, even though you didn't even say goodbye to me. :)

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