wilson is like one of those bitches who puts nicotine patches on their partner in their sleep so that they’ll subconsciously crave their presence and associate their time together with the gratification of it. except instead of doing it sneakily, he openly (even reluctantly) exists as the main source of house’s vicodin prescriptions, not only providing him with the high but maintaining this pavlovian dynamic where he actively contributes to house’s pain relief & survival. he’s essentially his lifeline. and for the most part, he doesn’t even do it on purpose!!! because aside from the literal drug connection, that’s what his friendship is to house, too. what bonnie said about how wilson just tries to be a Good and Normal friend but ‘once you’re the subject of all that attention, it’s addictive’. in season 8, he says “I cannot be responsible for the happiness of gregory house.” and then has the audacity to look shocked when foreman replies, “You are responsible, though.” it’s like he’s painfully aware of their fucked up codependency but simply turns his face away from it. he’s even in denial until the very last moment, until it’s not only his upcoming death on the horizon, but the knowledge that they’re both free. I always found his smile after ‘I’m dead, wilson’ a little chilling. because it feels like he knows what that means — the larger, lethal implications of house disregarding any worry about his own future — and only then is he done fighting it.

tryin to see if can start going to a dietitian

Chan/Jisung

Explicit | 820 words

Tags and Warnings: trans male character, trans jisung, friends with benefits, cunnilingus, sexual dysfunction from ssri's, healthy communication

AO3 link

"You close?"

It's been well over thirty minutes now, maybe even forty. Not that he thinks Chan minds. The dude could eat pussy for hours and have no complaints whatsoever (and probably come untouched in his pants from it too, to be honest) – Jisung knows from experience. But the sensitive little ah ah ah's that have been getting drawn out of him are not sounds of impending orgasm.

Jisung should be close – he should have already came by now, a couple times even, and it's beyond frustrating that he hasn't. That he can't. He wants to kick his legs and beg and scream and maybe pull his hair out, but he knows it would be useless. 

Chan is amazing at everything he does, and that includes using his tongue. It's felt so good the entire time, and Chan is so hot like this, it's completely unfair. His cock is absolutely throbbing, hot and slick under Chan's tongue, worked to the very edge over and over but never quite teetering over the edge. It's like heaven and hell have overlapped.

Taking a deep breath, Jisung dejectedly cards a hand through Chan's hair and sighs, "Actually, it's starting to hurt a little bit."

Chan immediately stops, pulling back with round, puppy eyes and swollen, shiny lips. "Oh, I didn't realize you already came," he says, half a smirk on his face. He gently reaches out to thumb over Jisung's cock like he's apologizing to it, but it makes him shudder violently. "I thought you were into overstim, though. I mean, you should have made me stop if you weren't into it." He frowns.

It's been a while since they've hooked up, schedules clashing and whatnot, so Jisung can't blame him for not knowing. He hasn't really brought it up to anyone besides his therapist.

"Oh. I uh... I didn't cum," he admits, hand going to lay flat on his stomach, the roiling boil of heat behind it turning to a more tolerable simmer now that Chan's laying his cheek against his thigh.

Chan's brows furrow in concern. Jisung doesn't want him to be insecure, to think his inability to cum has anything to do with him, so as soon as the other opens his mouth to ask what he's sure will be something like did I do anything wrong? Jisung speaks up again.

"Don't worry, hyung, you haven't suddenly lost your god-tier tongue abilities," he reassures. Chan grins his dopey little grin as he breathes a sigh of relief. Jisung laughs softly, face and ears still red. From both pleasure and frustration.

"Then... what's wrong?"

It's kind of amusing, having this conversation with Chan's chin wet and his whole crotch just out in the open like this, but it comes out easier than he expected. "I should have warned you this could happen," Jisung rubs his face and sits up against the pillows. "My antidepressants. They uh, sorta um, give me sexual dysfunction? Like, sometimes it's pretty much impossible to come." And he does mean impossible – not even with his vibrator on his favorite setting.

It takes Chan a second to respond, but when he does, it's a huffed, "Dude, that fucking sucks." And it would probably sound insincere from anyone else, but Chan snuggles up to his side and looks every bit as understanding as Jisung figured he would be.

He's not sure why there had been a sense of shame he felt over this. Chan's been off and on medication the entire time he's known him, he almost certainly has experience with the same thing.

"Yeah, well," Jisung lets Chan wrap an arm around his waist and bury his face in the crook of his neck, "it's either be able to come easily yet feel like killing myself, or be semi stable and not be able to come sometimes."

"I felt that," he mumbles, threading their fingers together on Jisung's stomach. "Are they helping, at least?"

Jisung turns his head and lays his cheek against Chan's hair. "I think so, yeah."

"Then it's definitely worth it."

The room grows quiet then, save for Chan's playlist moving through songs that are almost tipping into the cringe-sexy category.

And after a few moments, Chan lifts his head and asks, tone sincere, "Did you enjoy yourself?"

Jisung smiles, rolling his eyes playfully. "God, yes." Chan perks up like a puppy, invisible tail wagging as he shakes a fist happily above them. He's precious. "Just because I didn't come doesn't mean I didn't love fucking that pretty face of yours."

"Yeah?" Chan teases, wiggling his eyebrows and biting his lip. Jisung flicks his slick-tacky nose and watches it crinkle up – his breath still smells like Jisung too, and he can feel just how hard he still is, pressed up against his hip.

"You know what else I'd love?" Jisung kisses him briefly. "If you got my strap and let me see you ride me." 

went hiking ;]

i took myself and my little sister hiking recently, wanted to share some of the photos i guess

now it'll be more of my thoughts and feelings and other stuff that's probaly not important for you, if you're here for the cc - new infant stuff is being made, so stay tuned!

so I really feel like I've matured a lot, it's been one hell of a ride if you ask me about this year. Frankly speaking i've lost any meaning in my life, like at all, i didn't know what was I doing, who I was, where was I being and thoughts of future seemed so irrational, because there wasn't even any point of living till that time. I just couldn't see future for myself. In january I got diagnosed with CPTSD and things kind of started making sense in terms of my behavior, coping mechanisms, escapism etc. I've started reading reddit posts of people telling their stories of how they've coped with this diagnosis. I guess i never really fully moved on from it, so it mostly still taunts me when i suddenly remember that ah yes, i'm actually forever mentally ill, nice. But I just started to move on you know? obviously not without any help, first of all I started taking antidepressants, then my close ones were there in my toughest times, because the hardest and at the same time most familiar feeling is feeling lonely, like you'll never have someone who understands you, like you have so many relatives and people around your life, but at the same time you're so alone in your head and feelings to the point it suffocates you so much, that crying isn't even possible any longer.

What struck me the most when antidepressants started working (sadly only after 5 months from the moment they were prescribed) is that I never in my entire life felt so... alive??? I really can't remember the last time I've actually felt so balanced, I started having thoughts again (it was so shocking for me that in the beginning i actually had some big issues with sleeping, cause my mind just didn't know how to go to sleep when you're actually able to think), i got all those feelings of love back, that i never knew i was robbed of. Like i would look at my cat and actually start crying just from how much i loved her (now im just extremely happy seeing her hehe), I would look at my absolutely normal patreon/tumblr profile and get so emotional looking at how many lovely people like what i do and support me.

But this leads to another very sad thought that haunts me sometimes, that actually the way I was living all this time wasn't normal, it wasn't my quirk or character type or some other shit I would hear when talked about the way I was feeling (or rather feeling nothing). Like all this time I was always blaming myself. This really made me cry at first. Actually lots of things made me cry when I started my healing journey (now I just don't cry, it's an antidepressant thing).

Only after antidepressants started working all the other "normal" things started helping me cope with anxiety and feeling of loss and sadness like "oh just go for a walk", "start exercising", "journal", "drink more water and eat healthy". You now the shit people that never experienced depression tell you and it's not their fault they don't understand. Honestly it's actually insanely lucky for them, that they don't understand.

So writing all of the above I wanted to say that please, don't be hard on yourself, it's not your fault that you're that way, but unfortunately it's only you who can actually trully help yourself. Even if it seems like there's no point in doing anything and life seems meaningless, remember that there still can be things worth living for, even the smallest ones like who's gonna pet all the doggies and kitties??? or who will download all the most prettiest loveliest most perfectly done clothes by the best creator (me) on patreon/tumblr ever????hehehe. Life is unfortunately meaningless, if you don't give any meaning to it, and it's not your fault that you can't find it, just give yourself time.

I'm absolutely not even remotely close to healing (and honestly I don't even know if it's really possible with CPTSD), but I'm definitely feeling better. Actually I'm feeling kind of down right now, but that's ok!! Because well I'm sure sad for a reason and I'm just trying my best to embrace it and fully feel sad I guess, so I can move on and feel peaceful again, until a new emotion comes and I'll try to feel it again, because that's what apparently humans do as I've learned after taking antidepressants.

Hey, you've read all the way to here, woah, you know that I'm proud of you? And not just beacuse you've read my stupid thoughts, but just because you're here with us, you're very strong and I'm very proud of you.

stay safe, love you all to the moon and back, 

your silly girl, Ame <3

Things I learned over my 5 years as a chronically ill person:

Obs: I have some kind of illness that's similar to Chron's disease, but like, not as bad. It still impacts my life in more ways than I ever expected, including fucking up my liver and mental health. Anyway;

Eating the "wrong" thing is better than not eating - when you have an illness that affects your appetite, the best course of action, in my experience, is to eat what you feel like eating. If that means having a jar of cookies for lunch, it's completely fine. Eat what you know your body will accept, because that's better than not eating anything or having your body reject what you eat.

Body fat = healthy - this is specific to my case, but I was just skin and bones before getting the right treatment. Even if I might feel bad because beauty standarts, getting enough weight and body fat to the point I became a midsized person (after years of being a walking skeleton) is something that should be celebrated. It means I'm eating enough and my body is becoming healthier.

You gain a hell of a pain tolerance - remember how I said my liver is fucked up? It means whenever I take painkillers, my stomach becomes a rebelious teen and tries to kill me. A.K.A, nausea, and actually throwing up if the medicine is too strong. I've learned to endure pain in order to not need painkillers, or to only take them if it becomes too much.

Kiss many adult experiences goodbye - Taking more than two sips of alcohol is a no-no, and don't even thing about drugs. I'm always the sober friend, which is not bad per se, but I would like it more if it was a choice.

You will be known as the sick friend (if you're the only one in the group) - I got sick at 12/13 and only got treatment for it at 16, so high school was HellTM. Get used to people asking if you're feeling alright everytime time your face moves two milimiters, and to cancel plans because you're sick. It also makes flirting with your crush harder, because they might see you as fragile (seems like people don't find you sexy if they know you have intestine problems).

Antidepressants are not exclusive for people with depression - Did you know the intestines are considered the second brain? Anyway, I was prescribed antidepressants (that also work as anxiety medication) to help with my chronic illness, and honestly, it kinda works.

Hope is good but don't hope too much - sounds depressing, but at least in my case, seems to be true. Things get better, and with the right treatment, you'll have a good life and achieve yours dreams, and overcome many, many symptoms and difficulties. And I really don't like thinking about it, but I know that this is probably my case, and it's a fact: I will never be 100% healthy again. Not like how I was before.

You won't have all the answers you want - I have an illness that's names, in my mother language, as "Indeterminate". It means doctors are not able to know how it developed, why it developed, if there's a cure, and how to treat it. The treatment I went through can only be described as "fuck around and find out". So yeah, sometimes you just have to accept there are no answers.

Anyway, this was depressing as shit, but I needed to get it off my system. To all my chronically ill siblings: hold on tight! We can do it!

Anger

I used to feel a lot of anger, daily. I was an irritable driver, a perfectionist mentor to my new colleagues, a short-tempered romantic partner. I hated my anger and I hated myself for it. I hated who I was when I was angry, and from that self loathing more anger brewed. After I've started antidepressants, a lot of the anger went away - at least most of it. I still get angry, but in the right moments, I think. I want to note down what I've learned so far - as a synopsis for my later self, a checkpoint to which later on I can come back to and see if I still feel the same way I do now.

Being an irritable driver might just mean you are living in a city where there is little to no driving culture or you yourself shouldn't be driving a car. I was privileged enough to move to Sweden, where it is absolutely unnecessary to drive a car to get to places. I have sold my car and couldn't be happier with the decision.

Antidepressants do help, even if you feel like you've got it all together. I did go through a number of moderately bad mental breakdowns in my life, but found myself bouncing back relatively quickly, so I never thought I'd need chemical intervention in my brain. However, taking antidepressants has enabled me to have a prolonged amount of time where I could concentrate on what is making me angry and work on those parts. It is much easier to establish healthy habits when you are not constantly circling between depression, self loathing and fury.

Healthy habits - finding whatever works for you can take some time, but everyone has things they must do to feel better. I know that for me I must absolutely do a bit of yoga, take a walk (unless I'm sick), eat at least one healthy meal, brush my teeth and stick to my skincare routine daily. It sounds very minimal and obvious, but I have struggled with these things and figuring it out felt like an epiphany. Now these are unconditional, must-do things in my life.

I have absolutely no idea where the hell am I going in life and I have to learn to be okay with the discomfort of not knowing.

No one actually ever reaches "mental healthiness". We're all idiots on a rock in space. Even those people on youtube who say they know how to heal your trauma and mental illnesses probably have no clue what they're talking about (except for a very minimal few).

Read books and create art. Books are a great way to entertain yourself, learn new things and just have a good time. I barely ever use social media now. At first it was weird and I didn't know where to put myself in moments of waiting for a train or right before falling asleep, but the realization that staring at the ceiling was going to make me happier than staring at tiktoks has helped me overcome the doomscrolling addiction. I still do scroll, but not as much as I did before. Creating art is a great way (at least for me) to lose myself for a moment and project my thoughts and feelings onto a piece of paper.

If a study programme and/or a job makes you lose your mind and cry and vomit, consider a different path in life, if possible. Maybe this is not for you. Perhaps it was for you a year ago and now it is not - this is fine, it happens all the time. If you can't change it - sucks to be you. I guess you must stick it out then? I don' know, I'm too stupid for situations like these.

If you find yourself feeling very lonely, it's not necessarily a bad thing. Right now I'm in the weird stage in life where I've cut out quite a lot of toxic people, so I only talk to my boyfriend and I sometimes call two other friends from my home country. I am struggling to find social connections in Sweden, but I'm glad I'm not settling just for anything - I have tried a few different activities, I have learned that the people associated with it are not for me and I have moved on. I trust that I will find meaningful connections someday.

One of the jobs I've tried working had a team building exercise where we had to introduce ourselves and share one of our dreams. In that moment I realized I didn't have a dream I could share, because I didn't have dreams at all - at the ripe old age of 22 I didn't have a single dream I could think of in that moment. I remember stammering "Well, it's not a dream, but rather a plan - I want to have a PhD in chemistry one day." Today, I realized that ever since I have started writing my novel, I have dreams again - quite a lot of them, actually. This must be a good sign.

Finally - taking breaks is great. Taking one big break is good. Taking a few small breaks is amazing. Pausing work and studies for a moment doesn't mean I'm lazy, it just means that I know what's good for me. I have a rule now - never in my life is there a planned activity that is more important than me having a good night's sleep, a proper shit or a good lunch. Leaving the room in the middle of a useless corporate meeting for a pee is liberating. You and only you will ever know when you need a break. Right now I'm on a two-month study break and it's great and also terrifying. I'm learning to live with myself and love myself.

Elderly Care Home and Constipation In Seniors

Constipation is a widespread health problem that may affect anyone at any age; 22% of the population has it, but it's most frequent in the elderly, where 40% of senior individuals in India have it. It is a disorder that develops when a person has trouble passing feces, leading to irregular bowel motions, lumpy or hard stools, and a sense of incomplete evacuation. Hemorrhoids, anal fissures, and rectal prolapse are just a few of the issues that can develop from constipation if it is not addressed. These conditions can be painful and necessitate surgery.

A low-fiber diet, a lack of exercise, certain medicines, dehydration, and underlying medical problems including irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and hypothyroidism are just a few of the many things that can cause constipation. Due to the broad presence of risk factors such a sedentary lifestyle, bad eating habits, and a lack of knowledge about preventative measures, constipation is becoming a significant problem in India. These issues are given utmost importance at the elderly care home with a doctor on call at their service. 

Consuming a high-fiber diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and legumes is essential to avoiding constipation. Regular physical exercise, such as brisk walking or yoga, can help to encourage regular bowel motions. However, constipation can occur as a side effect from several drugs, including opioids, antidepressants, and antacids.

Speak to your healthcare provider about precautions or other choices if you're on any of these drugs.

Constipation signs include:

weekly bowel motions of little more than three

straining when having a bowel movement

eructation of lumpy or firm stools

an impression of an incomplete evacuation

abdominal discomfort or bloating

It's critical to get medical assistance if you have any of these symptoms so that your constipation's underlying cause may be identified. Changing one's lifestyle can help with some cases of constipation, while other situations could need medicine or other medical attention.

Numerous herbal treatments are available in India to aid in the prevention of constipation. Triphala, a herbal mixture made up of three different fruits, has been used for generations as a constipation treatment. Other well-liked all-natural treatments for constipation include ginger, castor oil, and aloe vera juice.

In India, a number of drugs are sold that can relieve constipation in addition to natural therapies. Constipation is frequently treated using the synthetic sugar lactulose, which attracts water into the colon. Other drugs that can induce bowel motions include bisacodyl and sodium picosulfate. However, because they might have negative side effects including diarrhea and stomach cramps, these drugs should only be given while a doctor is present.

Elderly care home provides the best possible diet to the seniors including a high-fiber diet that contains fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and legumes to avoid constipation. Regular physical exercise, such as brisk walking or yoga, as well as maintaining hydration can help to encourage regular bowel movements. But as a side effect, several drugs, including antacids, opioids, and antidepressants, might make you constipated. Talk to the doctor on call at the elderly care home about preventive measures or other choices if you're on any of these drugs.

Finally, constipation is a common health problem in India, especially among the elderly. It is brought on by a number of things, including a low-fiber diet, inactivity, certain drugs, dehydration, and underlying medical disorders. Adopting a healthy lifestyle that includes regular exercise, a high-fiber diet, and adequate water is crucial to preventing constipation. To identify the underlying reason and avoid any problems, it's critical to get medical assistance if you're exhibiting constipation symptoms. In India, there are a number of herbal treatments and pharmaceuticals that can aid with constipation, but they should only be taken under medical supervision.

It's critical to understand when to seek medical attention for constipation at elderly care homes, particularly if the symptoms last longer than two weeks or are accompanied by other unsettling signs and symptoms like blood in the stool, stomach discomfort, or unexplained weight loss. At The Golden Estate, you are given an opportunity to change your lifestyle with the best professionals always at your disposal. 

Sometimes like today when my depression gets out of control for a while, I'll do things like search the internet desperately for advice or motivation to make it through another night, unable to come up with my own reasons. And scrolling through places like redit; all I see over and over is the phrase "it gets better"

And listen man, I have never hated anything more than that phrase.

I was first diagnosed as depressed when I was eight. "You'll grow out of it" the doctor said.

I went to therapy at 14 when I was suicidal. "You'll feel better when you're older and your hormones calm down" she said.

I got put on antidepressants at 17. "You'll be fine once you finish school and get into a routine" the doctor told me.

At 23 I was told "Excersize, healthy eating, a good social group, get all that down and things will get better"

I'm 26 nearly 27 and I've followed every rule and piece of advice and it has never gotten better, every year it gets worse, it gets harder.

Life never stops getting harder. You can do everything 'right', you can get perfect grades in school and be polite and kind and avoid drugs and alcohol and work hard at everything you do, but sometimes you'll still end up unemployed and burnt out and poor and lonely. Sometimes no matter what you do you'll be a failure.

So hearing "things will get better" frustrates me, probably frustrates many people. Because when does it get better? Have you ever met a depressed person who has experienced it get better? Probably not.

So you know what, here's a better piece of advice to keep trying, for anyone else out there trying to find reasons.

Maybe everyone else in your life is doing better than you, they have jobs and families and hobbies, and you're sleeping 20 hours a day and feeling worthless and lying to your family about how you're doing all the time so they won't be disappointed. Maybe you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s - and you still havn't achieved anything worthwhile, maybe you never will.

But once back in university I went out at 3am with the intention of ending my life, I was having a panic attack during a depressive episode, suicide hotline was busy and I went out almost in a daze with the intention of stepping into traffic desperate to end the terrifying panic and pain. But during my walk, a knock down drunk guy passed me and he smiled at me. He didn't even say anything, just smiled as he stumbled past.

For whatever reason, that tiny, seemingly insignificant gesture was enough to make me think twice about my decisions and go back home.

How many times have you smiled at someone on the street in passing, or at a cashier at a store, or at the bus driver? Probably 99% of the time it barely makes a difference to someone's day, but maybe 1% of the time it does, maybe it impacts someone, and maybe that tiny chance is worth you keeping your smile alive for.

Maybe a crappy sketch you did as a joke or a fanfiction you wrote one night at 3am is someone out there's favourite thing in the world, maybe the time you baked shitty cookies for the staffroom at work, one person is thrilled because they forgot their lunch, maybe that person you held the door open for last week was having a shit time and your tiny action reminded them that there were kind people in the world, maybe the old man who talked to you for 30 seconds in the grocery store line has been lonely for months and you made his day with your brief few exchanged words because you let him feel seen, maybe the postit note you wrote a silly message on ten years ago for someone in school is still stuck on their desk giving them motivation and reminding them that the world isn't all bad.

Maybe you are inputting into the world more than you realise, and even if you sleep for 72 hours at a time and spend 6 days of the week crying and feel like a waste of space, maybe the world is lucky to have you in it. Even if only for the tiny moments where you subconsciously smile at a stranger - because you are always more important than you feel you are, no matter who you are and what you do.

Maybe things won't get better, the likelihood is they won't, but maybe humans are made of tough stuff and have survived bullets and falls from airplanes, so maybe you can survive a lot more than you feel you can. Tomorrow things won't feel as bad, and next time you feel even more horrible you'll know you can get through it because you survived it last time.

Maybe every minute you're surviving is worth it for those little times you impact the world silently from the shadows without even knowing it.

Sometimes all you need to to is breathe to knock down a domino. So keep breathing, even if that's all you can do.

Woke up in my house this morning with the dogs and made coffee, so I finally feel back where I belong. I have a lot of work to catch up on and the employees had to deal with some shit while I was out so I'll be back at work sooner than I had hoped for. I'm feeling way better after this surgery than the first one.... Probably because taking 6 hrs worth of diseased tissue out is way better than what my baseline has been at for a long time. I really hope once I get through all of this that I can truly start to feel better. It was maddening for so long - why am I eating healthy and exercising and doing all the right things for my mental health and yet I still feel like an exhausted pile of garbage? The amount of times I was told it was PTSD or I should get on an antidepressant was depressing in itself. I was constantly telling docs, "no something is wrong" and then come to find out I have stage 4 and a super rare occurrence also on my diaphragm.... I feel for everyone having to navigate the healthcare system. If your health is good, take a moment to feel grateful.

Health issues & uninformed doctors and nurses...how I deal in eating disorder recovery

Let me warn anyone reading this: this post does deal with eating disorders & things like getting weighed & although I won't ever give specific details that could be more obviously sensitive/triggering I do want to still give a forewarning. It's important for me to mention too, that I am NOT in any way a professional in anything...all my blog posts are solely my opinions and my own experience and what has helped me etc. Also this particular post might be a little disorganized. My posts on this blog are things that I pre-plan & think on and rewrite before I post them because when it comes to mental health issues and even some physical health struggles I don't ever want to be reckless with my words, however this post is not planned - a very impulsive blog post triggered by an interaction at a doctor appointment this morning. You have been warned.

To start this out let me give you the situation from earlier today that was the catalyst for this blog...

I had 2 doctor appointments this morning the first was just my annual bone scan because I have osteopenia I have my bone density checked once a year to make sure it has not decreased any further and moved in to full on osteoporosis. My second appointment was with cardiology and I was not seeing my main cardiologist today, this was a last minute squeeze me in kind of appointment because my medication has quit working quite as well as it should - not anything really major but something to sort out before things get worse and become a major problem so they just squeezed me into whichever doctor at my cardiologist office could fit me in their schedule. Got through my first appointment & bone scan with out an issue and so I go to my appointment at the cardiologist. Now had I seen my regular cardiologist today I don't think this would have happened because He knows my background and history but I didn't see him I saw a female cardiologist today...we'll name her Dr. Jones for this post. Dr. Jones comes into the room after the nurse has done my weight and vitals and noted the issue I am being seen for & made sure the list of medications I take that they have on file is up to date and correct. Along with my heart medications I take thyroid medication [I have hyperthyroidism], an antidepressant, a prescription sleeping pill and a few different prescribed supplements and vitamins [again because of the hyperthyroidism and also malabsorption syndrome I have]. So Dr. Jones comes in to the room and is looking over the nurses notes. She asks me about what condition I have that I take thyroid medications and a list of supplements and vitamins for. My answer; I have hyperthyroidism(aka an over active thyroid) & malabsorption syndrome. Dr. Jones is kind of chuckling when she next says to me "that must be your secret to being slim but I guess you could probably get skinnier if you didn't take those medications!" & you can just cue my face palm after that comment.

Here's the thing; I am in recovery for anorexia and orthorexia and I say in recovery rather than recovered because I don't want to portray myself in such a way where some, especially in the world of social media, see calling myself recovered as l have all my shit figured out (spoiler I definitely do not) and I don't need space held for a struggle or a mistake now and then. That being said I have been actively in recovery from anorexia and Orthorexia for a few years now. I have not known my weight since I entered recovery...my doctors and parents know. I do know I have been maintaining a healthy weight and I have been doing well enough in eating disorder recovery that I no longer have to have specialized eating disorder therapists and mental health treatment team (I see a therapist who is more specialized in treating PTSD and trauma now). I am happy in my recovery and although this comment from Dr. Jones today didn't shake me or "trigger " eating disorder thought patterns it certainly could have a few years ago. Also this is not the only experience I have had with a doctor or nurse that is eating disorder insensitive/could be triggering.

It is such a tricky thing because what I have experienced tells me most medical professionals are not adequately trained or educated in eating disorders and how to interact with patients who have a history of eating disorders. I don't blame Dr. Jones in this situation she just didn't know my history & really other than my initial face palm reaction to her comment...I didn't have any further negative reaction, feelings or thoughts over it at this point in my recovery. I did want to talk about some things I have done in order to deal with situations like this because eating disorders are quite common anymore and since my health puts me in a lot of doctor offices I find myself in these situations pretty often

First thing I have done in the past is to be sure I tell whoever I am seeing up front that I am recovering from eating disorders OR if you maybe don't want to tell them about an eating disorder you can just say you struggle with insecurities with weight and your body. I have found most of the time this helps whatever doctor or nurse be more conscious of what they are saying to you. I think in the world we live in weight loss, body shape and all of that talk is so main stream and common casual conversation that most see it as harmless small talk...it's something in America that is common ground to relate to and because most are not so informed & aware of eating disorders most of the things someone says that could be unhelpful to another's recovery is not intentional - it is said purely from a place of ignorance around eating disorders so being upfront with whoever you see is key.

Now since you can not really control other people the rest of my tips that help are all about work that you, the person who has dealt with an eating disorder, has to do in order to not react in a negative, triggered, upset, spiraling fashion when shit is said. That being said find people to vent to and to keep you accountable when things happen - Preferably find ...I'd say at least 3 people you can call on when you find an interaction or situation has stirred up some eating disorder shit [the list of 3 people should not count your therapist. I think it's important to have people to call on & talk to that are friends and family you can trust because you have to be able to get through things without a therapist at some point].

It was really important for me to work on, for lack of a better word, desensitize myself to the comments and situations that "triggered " the anorexia and Orthorexia garbage so eventually I stopped having a triggered reaction to them otherwise recovery is really fucking hard and even more isolating because others may trigger you. You can and should try to communicate and educate people about eating disorders but also you have to realize that the best way to avoid being eating disorder triggered by outside people, conversations, situations etc is for you to find a way to talk about, think about, & deal with those triggers so they don't trigger you anymore. It sounds so shitty but I found the most helpful thing for me is to take I guess responsibility for my triggers and accept that the world is not going to stop being triggering & they really are not responsible for how I respond either in a triggered or more healthy way to a comment, situation or whatever. It sucks but honestly it's one of the best things I did to help myself in eating disorder recovery because now there is not much that shakes me in my recovery.

I have to wrap this post up - it is already really long so the last thing I want to say is Dr. Jones was not out of line in what she said to me today. Even though yes, earlier on in my eating disorder recovery her comment could have sent me in a tail spin...medically her comment was factual...without medication to manage my hyperthyroidism I would lose weight & I have said that on this blog and my main blog before, without medication I would rapidly lose weight despite my food/caloric intake so this is just another reason why dealing with triggers, thinking about them differently and moving on from them being triggering has been so important because the outside world doesn't have much power over my emotions, behaviors, thoughts and decision for recovery anymore...they don't trigger me. Anyways again I am not any sort of professional in anything...this is all just my experience and my opinion having dealt with eating disorders and other mental health issues and physical health issues.

Ya know, what I can't seem to figure out, is the facts, I'm doing great in basically all aspects of life. Great Career prospects, kicking ass academically, I'm great at sex, respected professional and in friendships, great supportive healthy friend groups, taking antidepressants and feeling better about life, I workout, I eat well, I drink water, I can cook, clean, grow plants, charm people, I'm confident, I'm caring, I love passionately, I am financially stable. And that is just some of the things.

But somehow, I can't manage to for literally every reason date a guy. NO ONE. Period. No one likes me, at least a guy that I like. No one has been interested in me, I have been single, and wanting someone who wasn't someone to just take care of. I'm trying so fucking hard not to take care of my romantic partner. Because naturally I'm a caring nurturing person. But I don't want that in my relationship, ya know, trying not to be toxic. AND YET. My fine ass, great face, etc, can get someone to like me...

And keep in mind I'm fairly guarded with my heart and emotions. (The trauma) Anyways, so I finally start developing feelings for this guy, and we are at this party. I kiss him!!!! But not before one of my friends kisses him, he asked I said it was whatever bc I'm never jealous, and like we're all adults you can kiss whoever the fuck you want. And he for sure kisses my friend REALLY WELL. And when we kiss it is mediocre, he doesn't put effort in, And knows that he would rather be kissing my friend than with me. So that was weird and depressing.

Anyways, I've been single basically my entire life, and most of my college career. And I just want someone ...

Depression in relation to food intake (meaning either binging or starving yourself, which includes ana/bulimia stuff) is actually more simple than you think:

Food provides both energy and serotonin. Carbs especially provide serotonin because it boosts production. When you have depression and anxiety, you need that.

Now. You can either fall into the pattern of unhealthily eating too many carbs (which can make you sick) in search of that production and energy to do something;

Or you can fall into the pattern of not eating at all because you don’t feel like you can handle or deserve to feel good, and there’s no point in having energy because depression means you don’t even enjoy the things you love.

Ana is a tough one because they prioritize ‘I can’t eat until I feel good about myself’ because they’ve taken that depression and projected it onto their body image as a cause. They won’t eat because they don’t feel good about how they look yet. They’ll never feel good about how they look because that was never the issue in the first place, it was the scapegoat for why you feel bad. There must be something physically wrong if you feel bad.

Bulimia is where you still associate eating with feeling good, but since you have ALSO projected the depression and anxiety onto your body image, you get into the habit of binge eating, but as soon as you’re full the ‘body fat means feel bad’ instinct you have kicks in, and you have to purge that or risk gaining weight and feeling worse. I would say this one is more closely related to anxiety than depression. Still a lack of serotonin.

I’m not saying these are the only reasons someone can develop an eating disorder. I’m saying that this is the thinking pattern (you have to break that pattern to get out of the cycle) that most often leads to them.

I am saying this cause I’m coming out of a bad cycle myself and I think I should explain why people should have a little more compassion, and understand that sometimes we all get in a little over our heads. I’ve been sneaking around for over a month since I got COVID eating cane sugar (something that I’m allergic to, but gives me a major serotonin boost so I can’t stop craving it) until last night I finally had enough of poisoning myself and I’m fairly sure I’ve gained like 20 pounds in 3 months. That scares me a bit cause I don’t wanna go back to having trouble with certain exercises. I have my healthy and it’s not here.

Anyways. If you need antidepressants and they work on you (or even just make things bearable) but you choose not to take them and end up falling into any of these patterns… you need to rethink that. I was taking mine when this started and I still struggled like hell.

How to lose weight naturally from home without any Side Effects

Weight loss has been a hot topic for years, and for good reason. According to the World Health Organization, over 1.9 billion adults worldwide are overweight, and of those, over 650 million are obese. These numbers are staggering and concerning, as being overweight or obese can lead to numerous health problems, including heart disease, diabetes, and certain types of cancer. However, losing weight can be a challenging process, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. In this article, we'll explore the science of weight loss and discuss some strategies for achieving your weight loss goals.

95% of people in United States does this to lose weight, Click here to see video 

What causes weight gain?

Before we dive into weight loss strategies, it's important to understand what causes weight gain in the first place. Put simply, weight gain occurs when you consume more calories than you burn. Your body stores the excess calories as fat, leading to an increase in body weight. This can happen for a variety of reasons, including:

Overeating: Consuming more calories than your body needs on a regular basis can lead to weight gain over time.

Lack of physical activity: If you're not burning enough calories through physical activity, your body will store the excess as fat.

Genetics: Some people may have a genetic predisposition to gaining weight.

Hormonal imbalances: Hormonal imbalances, such as an underactive thyroid, can make it harder to lose weight.

Medications: Certain medications, such as antidepressants and corticosteroids, can cause weight gain.

Every morning 719,000 people use this 5 - Second Exotic Hack to Melt 59lbs of Fat.......SEE HERE 

Strategies for weight loss

Now that we've covered what causes weight gain, let's talk about some strategies for achieving weight loss. Again, there is no one-size-fits-all solution, but these strategies have been shown to be effective for many people.

Calorie deficit: As we mentioned earlier, weight gain occurs when you consume more calories than you burn. Therefore, creating a calorie deficit is the most important factor in achieving weight loss. To do this, you can reduce your calorie intake, increase your physical activity, or a combination of both.

Healthy eating: While calorie deficit is key, it's also important to focus on healthy eating. This means consuming a balanced diet that includes plenty of fruits, vegetables, lean protein, and whole grains. Avoiding processed foods and sugary drinks can also help.

Strength training: Strength training can help you build muscle, which can increase your metabolism and help you burn more calories at rest.

Cardiovascular exercise: Cardiovascular exercise, such as running, cycling, or swimming, can help you burn calories and improve your overall fitness.

Behavior change: Changing your behavior around food and exercise can also be effective in achieving weight loss. This could include things like keeping a food journal, planning your meals in advance, or finding an exercise buddy for accountability.

To lose weight or burn belly fat, a person needs to burn more calories than they take in. Some natural fat burners, however, may help the body burn more fat by increasing metabolism or reducing hunger. >>>HOW TO INCREASE METABOLISM?? DISCOVER NOW..

Conclusion

Weight loss is a complex and challenging process, but it's also incredibly important for our health and well-being. By creating a calorie deficit through healthy eating and physical activity, building muscle through strength training, and making behavior changes, you can achieve your weight loss goals. Remember, it's important to find a strategy that works for you and your lifestyle, and to be patient and consistent in your efforts. With time and effort, you can achieve a healthier, happier you.

CHECK OUT THIS >> FDA approved weight loss supplement>>>>

23.01.23

First trimester has been tough.

I think there's a common misconception that you should just be grateful you're pregnant or can get pregnant. I'll be the first to admit I would roll my eyes when I heard a pregnant person complaining whilst in the trenches of IVF. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN AT LEAST YOU CAN GET PREGNANT??!??!!?!"

Now that I've experienced both sides, I can see how toxic and damaging this view is. It encourages silence and secrecy and regardless of how easy it was to fall pregnant or how difficult - for a lot of women first trimester sucks.

My mental health isn't the worst it's been right now, but pretty close.

I'm currently 12 weeks and 3 days pregnant and I've had indescribable fatigue since 5 weeks. I go to sleep at 8:30pm (and that's forcing myself to stay awake) because of the nausea that hits at 5pm each day and doesn't relent until I'm asleep. If I go to a social event (wedding, birthday, dinner etc.) I'm borrowing energy from the next day because the next day I'm catatonic and nausea hits harder. For example, I went to a wedding on Friday and 1st birthday on Saturday and spent the rest of Saturday and Sunday in bed or on the couch too flat to change the channel or even pick something worthwhile to watch.

I have no motivation to eat healthy as eating anything is a challenge and I have no drive to exercise because I have such little energy. This is doing a lot for my body image, guilt around giving the baby the right nutrition and fears around being able to fit into my wedding dress in November.

Each day feels like groundhog day. Get up, have breakfast, work, nap, work, go to bed. The want to do anything I used to enjoy (crochet, baking, reading, getting a coffee, seeing friends, taking Kevin to the dog park etc.) is too overwhelming, so I don't.

There are a few reasons I think I'm feeling so low. The first is my antidepressant (Zoloft) has been reduced on the advice of my GP from 75mg to 50mg. My obstetrician advised that it's likely I'm not experiencing any effects of the 50mg because of the doubling in blood volume due to pregnancy. My next appointment with her is 2nd of February so I'll see what the pros and cons of increasing the dose are.

I feel like a useless partner, friend and colleague.

Walking, running and creating (whether that's writing, painting, drawing, crocheting, baking etc.) has no appeal to me right now. I blame depression, anxiety and fatigue for this. How can I get out of a slump if I can't will myself to engage in any of my usual coping strategies?

IVF GUILT - I feel completely guilty that I feel this way at all. When someone asks how I've been going I lie and say "It was super hard at the beginning but I'm coming out of it now thankfully!" because no one asks that question wanting a genuine answer.

Feeling the same way day in day out makes me wonder if I'll ever feel better. My rational brain knows I will but it's really hard to believe that while in it. It also makes me doubt my ability to be a good parent. How can I be a good parent if I feel so sick and tired all the time?

I am genuinely over the moon grateful that my body is capable of growing a tiny human and that we get the oppurtunity to be parents. I would do this over and over and over again if that's what we needed to do.

My desire to be a parent and my negative experience of first trimester are completely different things and I want to make that abundantly clear.

I just felt like I needed to vent and I do so in the hope that someone else out there, feeling the same way or who has felt the same way before, feels validated and understood.

The reason I've deliberately mentioned 'first trimester' and not, 'pregnancy' in general, is because I have hope that things will get better as everyone keeps saying. Let's watch this space and see.

Look, I know diet, exercise, and mindset actually have loads to do with helping certain conditions, especially mental health ones, as well as just, improving overall quality of life. But I just cannot contain my irrational amounts of rage when I see folks online talking about how they ‘cured’ their pcos or any other hormonal condition with diet and exercise, or how they started thinking positively and their mental health conditions (including those associated with those hormonal conditions) just went away. (I.e. things like: Here’s how my husband cured my pcos by making me healthy food :) ) And it especially bothers me when they vilify things like birth control or hormone treatments or antidepressants, or quite literally anything but their own methods of treatment.

Because hey guess what, some people quite literally rely on those things to get them through their days, or to maintain those exercise regimes or healthy diets that those folks just adore. (I certainly rely on my birth control to help regulate the hormones that my body naturally does not produce correctly.) And guess what. it’s fair that they do. Because they’re taking medications that help balance out their brain chemicals or hormones or what have you, to help with conditions that cause those things to be unbalanced. That, hey guess what, cannot be wholly and entirely fixed by just, cutting out bread and eating steamed veggies or whatever the newest thing to try is. Do not vilify people for finding things that work. Do not tell people that if they just tried harder and weren’t so weak as to not do this one little thing they’d be cured. No.

And guess what. Diet, mindset, physical activity, wanting to do things to live better is good. It can and should be done in tandem with other treatments because it can have massive impacts on quality of life and the severity of your symptoms, especially with mental health conditions. But. That does not mean they will cure things. Hormonal and chemical imbalances are sometimes innate, genetic things in the brain and body. Things that can’t be magicked away by running everyday and drinking a smoothie in the morning. And I am tired of seeing people vilified for using things that work for them and are healthy and normal. Being on medications isn’t a bad thing. Using just one or multiple methods to manage symptoms isn’t a bad thing. Doing things that work for you and keep you healthy isn't a bad thing. What is bad is telling people medications are all poison and getting off them is what’s best for everyone and it can’t possibly be helping anyone :)

When You Wake Up Feeling Depressed Already…

I’ve been having some days where I just wake up feeling depressed already, and it feels like I don’t even stand a chance to have a good day. I take my antidepressants every morning, but sometimes those days just sneak their way into the week. As someone who has been fighting depression for over 15 years, here are a few tips on how you can combat this that have helped me recently.

Find that one thing that gets you up in the morning. 

For me, it’s coffee. I love the taste of coffee so much it always puts me in a slightly better mood. Even if I’m feeling really down, it helps a little bit. Honestly, if for you it’s eating a cookie, then get up and eat a fucking cookie, who cares. It could be something like feeding your cat or walking your dog, though you should also feed your dog. My cats never let me sleep past 9:30am, so that’s also a helpful tool! 

It could even be something like getting up to pee. If that’s the case, maybe spend some time making your bathroom really nice. Pick a theme - ocean, vampires, whatever does it for you - decorate a little, make sure it smells nice and is clean. That way, when you get up to pee on those God-awful mornings, it’s at least nice in there. Bathrooms can be a bit sad when they are a gross, off-white color and just have the bare essentials. Invest in some nice toilet paper. I honestly don’t know why anyone buys anything other than Cottonelle. I mean, I understand wanting to save money, but I personally like to invest in a nicer version of something I use every day on some of my most prized body parts. 

Bottom line is to prioritize something that you can look forward to when you wake up in the morning, no matter how small it is.

2. Introduce a “non-negotiable” into your morning routine.

I heard this on a podcast that I love, and it has made a huge impact on my life. A non-negotiable is a good habit that you must do every day, otherwise you would feel weird. Think about any habits that you currently have - is it drinking coffee? Smoking a cigarette? Turning a light switch on/off thirteen times before you leave for work? If there was something healthy that you could be doing every day that you think would help your overall routine and productivity, then you can form it into a habit! 

For me, it’s 10 minutes of yoga in the morning. I wanted to be more active, but working out was a little too extreme for me at the time, so I thought about trying yoga. There are millions of free yoga videos on youtube that you can use for any skill level. I tried a challenge where I did 10 minutes of it every morning for 30 days, and now I feel weird throughout the day if I don’t do it! I love how stretching makes me feel and it activates my entire body before starting the day. 

For you, again, this can be something as simple as a cup of coffee or tea, a nice bath, a puzzle, or walking your dog. Something that is short and easy to do every day, is helpful or healthy for you, and can help you feel accomplished before your day really even starts. It would only take about 2 weeks for your brain to realize that this is something that you need to do every day, and it will form it into a habit.

3. Go outside

No, I am not an “outdoorsy” person by any means. I enjoy the occasional hike (LA hike, not Colorado hike, let’s be clear), but it all ends when I see a bug and need to run back inside to my spoiled, air conditioned life in the city. However, this is true for any human: fresh air and sunshine is a necessity. I think we all learned that from Covid, right? If you still disagree, try and prove me wrong by spending a few minutes outside every day for two weeks and tell me it didn’t make a difference. It won’t solve depression, but I think it’s incredibly helpful when your depression starts to cripple you and keep you locked inside more than usual. 

Whether you are in 0 degree or 110 degree weather right now, bundle up or strip down, and have your morning coffee/tea outside for a few minutes. If your job or other life responsibilities bring you outside occasionally, then great, but if you’re like me and are working from home now and go days without leaving the apartment, then I encourage you to try this. There is nothing quite like the real outdoors. It smells weird, the temperature is never quite that perfect 72 and sunny, there’s lots of trash, a kid is always screaming, but it’s our world and there’s something out there for everyone to feel at home and comforted.

4. Find a smile or laugh in between all the crying and anger.

Look I know the hopelessness feeling all too well. There are days when nothing matters, nothing works, it all is just hopeless, useless shit. You are just laying there waiting for a good feeling to come but it never does. We’ve also had good days, and we all have something that would make us laugh or smile, even if it’s just for a moment. I encourage you to find yours if you don’t already know it. Some of mine are: watching my cats fight, fun coffee memes, and New Girl no context youtube videos.

If you’re feeling particularly heavy after waking up and can’t pull yourself out of bed, you should try to distract yourself by finding something funny or enlightening online. I play a small mobile game on my phone in bed when I wake up, and once I lose a level, I’m distracted enough for a little bit to pull myself out of bed and start my day. You could play your favorite music or watch something funny or uplifting online. I would discourage scrolling through social media or the news, because there are a lot of triggering things out there. Be very particular about what you expose yourself to first thing in the morning.

5. Do something different each morning.

This sounds like a lot but I really mean switch up something so that your mornings aren’t all the same. For example, try a new outfit combination you haven’t ever worn before, alter your breakfast, change your Starbucks order every morning, walk around a different block for your morning walk, etc. The goal here is to make every day feel slightly different from the last. On my good days/weeks, I wake up with the optimism that it’s a new day and I am in control of how it’s going to go. However, when I am in a rut of depression every day, this is key for me. 

Among other things, I really feel my depression when it feels like my life is going nowhere and nothing is improving. If I wake up and have the same breakfast, or wear the usual comfortable, low-effort clothes, it hammers that feeling in. If I switch something up, it helps sell to my brain that it really is a different day, and things can in fact go differently than they did yesterday. 

Depression takes a long time to get under control, and for a lot of us, we will struggle with it for our entire lives. I personally think one of the key things about getting through the day to day with depression is appreciating the little victories and being patient with ourselves while we work through it. If I have a really bad day where I’ve neglected my responsibilities, my friends and family, and the things I usually love, I desperately want to have a better day the next day. It is my sliver of hope when I go to bed. Miracles and solutions don’t happen overnight, so these small changes and alterations we can do for ourselves are sometimes a big step in that direction.