#like sure ppl can forgive their abusers
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Risper is like extremely like personal to me. It’s basically me pouring a lot of personal emotions and thots into a fake cartoon and also the maxx like. Rlly helped me. It focuses on my main childhood trauma as a story element and it’s cathartic to read but has some major flaws and shit so I was like. I wanna make smth inspired by it. Without those flaws.
#Mr gone is a. idk.#I feel a complex emotion for him#it’s not wrong to have a character who’s a abuser have the bg that he was abused#in fact I think it was a good choice considering how he feels and what he says abt women#but also toward the end#idk his redemption arc wasn’t earned#also it was rlly cringe to have one of his past victims#become his friend??#like sure ppl can forgive their abusers#but idkkkkk#barking
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oh god that point where reborn was like “oh my god wasnt saphira SO awful for killing this one girl who was literally trying to hand her siblings to a known child abuser for quite literally no real reason?? she was defenseless!! *shows that the team shes apart of has no qualms about killing children and outright wants to wipe out the region and she willingly joined bc she was sad*”
#its funny its like. ''OH MY GOD WHY DID U KILL THAT GUY FEEDING CHILDREN TO A MEAT GRINDER?? HE HAD A FAMILY??''#and again. cant help but notice this treatment is given to the abuser survivor who hates her abuser and ''is empty inside''#but titania can kill whoever she wants including the same group of people AND she's a toxic and horrible friend to florinia at the least#and everyone fucking drools over her in the narrative bc shes a hashtag girlboss.#like. sure shes also an abuse survivor but saphira keeps her rage centered on the person who actually deserves it#while titania is just so nasty in every scene she's in no matter who she's interacting with#and she never has to confront it at the end of the day. most ppl just forgive her or end up adoring her like shelly#and shes promoted to being an elite 4 member and youre required to do the reshiramroute which is full of her#if you want the special ending#but time and time again the game doubles down on saphira being the evil one among the group who has to learn to forgive#echoed voice
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oh my fucking god is *that* why rodimus starts acting cartoonish. were they trying to make him appear /more/ narcissistic. were they trying to soften the blow of their demonized villain with narcissistic personality disorder.
#please be wrong please be wrong please be wrong please be wrong please be wrong please please#two characters same mental disorders one is. omg im too tired to think abt this . jus...t.... aaaaaaaaaaa#dummy posts#like yeah sure at least one of these guys hasn't. yknow. but cmon this is the giving ppl who can still grow second chances comic so um.#what if. hear me out. second chance?#me personally? i want this character to be in so much physical and mental pain for yknow. the abuse. but jeez!!#just give them a decent therapist!! this comic has forgived some horrific shit!!!! but severe mental illness?? well im scared to find out.#comic with real bad track record with its mental illness handling lets goooooooo#dummy reads mtmte
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I honestly hate how the fandom treats Michael as a hero and I'm seeing posts about it so I feel a liiiittle better talkign about it
my moots are holding back, i can tell. but hes my favorite so im not. and im a little pissed writing this bc. bc i relate to cc a lot. and seeing ppl mischaracterize not only my favorite character but also someone who reminds me of people who fucking suck drives me INSANE.
so psa, im pissed as fuck and i love michael afton.
First off, he killed Evan. That's obvious. Not only was that literall 100% his fault (NOT WILLIAMS IT PISSES ME OFF WHEN PPL MAKE THAT ALL ABOUT WILLIAM SHUT THE FUVCK UP
he was a bully. yeah he was a kid. yeah he was messing with him. Have you considered he was literally. abusive to his brother. i know the fnaf fandom is scared of using that word to describe him but its fucking true. he was abusive. as fuck. that was awful what he did he wasnt just a bully he harassed him and literally locked him in his room. he was fucking horrible.
and yeah, he didnt mean for that to happen, but not only was that stupid as fuck, i hate any interpritation of "he wanted to be like his dad" "his friends coerced him" PLAY FNAF 4. PLAY FNAF 4. FUCKING PLAY FNAF 4 LOOK AT HIS DIALOGUE AND WHAT HE DOES
HE LITERALLY. EGGED IT ON. IT WAS HIS FUCKING IDEA. WHAT PART OF THAT GAVE "he was coerced" THUSHFUDFUDSIOFDUSOFDSIOS
im trying to be normal
Yeah he probably felt like shit after. yeah it probably was some sort of motivator behind his actions. but lets think. lets think.
fnaf 1 and 2 take place before SL, no? So. if thats true. why didnt he burn those down? to "free the souls?" because it was never about the children.
he burned down the fnaf 3 location to get rid of william. it was ALWAYS abotu william. sure he set the kids free but i reeeeaaallyy dont think that was his intention. it was always about william.
in sister location, did he go there out of the kindness of his heart? no he went there because william asked him too. it was ALWAYS about william. and yeah he probably wanted to help liz, he probably really wanted to help her, but based on his actions, was this really for her? or was it for closure
thats something about michael that i put in shitty brother. closure. he didnt actually want to reconcile with his family, he wanted closure on the guilt he felt. is that 100% wrong? no. its normal to want closure, especially after something like that. but also that should not be his goal
did he apologize? yes. he said sorry. he felt bad, sure. but when you kill someone tehy dont come back. evan deserves to never forgive him ever because that was dumb as fuck and HORRIBLE. IT WAS HORRIBLE. ABUSIVE. ILL SAY IT AGAIN
MICHAEL AFTON ABUSED HIS LITTLE BROTHER FOR NO FUCKING REASON.
yeah. abused. say it with me. A-B-U-S-E-D
not just bullied, not just harassed, ABUSED.
ik we're all scared to say it here but its fucking true. say it with ur chest.
this always came back to william. do i thinkk michael is unfeeling and doesnt care about his siblings at all? NO! I think his siblings drove a lot of his actions. but in the end i dont think he always acted with their best interest at heart. or the mci kids'
and the whole "he wanted to be like his dad" i dont fucking care actually. no seriously sit down beside me and tell me that wanting to be like his dad is an excuse for abusing his brother. seriously come closer i wont bite.
tell me how you think that AS A TEENAGER, 100% AWARE OF HIS ACTIONS, that wanting to be like his dad justifies abusing his little brother. his little brother. who as far as we know, never lashed out, never fought back, never did anything to him. tell me how he fucking deserved that
"Michael was just a kid!" so was Evan. So was Elizabeth. So was Cassidy and Charlie and all the kids who died.
tell me how much michael did that didnt revolve around closure and his father. like i get it, he had priorities, but can we please stop acting like he's some angel working for the greater good of everyone.
it feelslike how ppl treat fucking henry. NO HES NOT A GOOD PERSON PLEASE
MICHAEL IS SELFISH HE'S MESSY HE'S STUPID. HE MAKES BAD CHOICES IN FAVOR OF HIMSELF HE PRIORITIZES REVENGE OVER THE GREATER GOOD HE HURTS PEOPLE AND IT MAKES HIM SO MUHC MORE INTERESTING
oh and also in case anybody wants to pull dittophobia out and tell me how mike went thru that trauma
so did evan. and instead of bonding over that trauma, michael harassed him. ABUSED HIM. wording is important. im sorry for repeating myself so much, but nobody ever tells it how it is. it was abuse.
edit: People seem upset by my wording and honestly? fair. i couldve worded this a lot better but i was tired and irritated and one thing i will clarify
i dont care if u dont see adult michael the way i do. i see him as a selfish obsessive guy whos intent is to fix his family, but plenty of people see it differently and thats okay! /gen
but im not taking back anythign i said about teen michael. because i think to do that is unfair to his character and frankly bullshit. i think its bullshit. and i dont care if you disagree. he was a terrible brother and thats that
but adult mike is free real estate idk idrc abt him as much as teen mike.
#tzu rambles#fnaf#michael afton#fnaf 4#not tagging discourse bc i dont think this is discourse lol. just my thoughts
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Okay fuck it. I think scrolling for hours today is enough DJFKGKFK I'll just log back out. I wanna focus my energy on more positive things
Im so gonna log back in the minute my friend sends me another tweet but HDKGKGKD no. I will do my best. He's not worth our time man.
Okay one more tiny rant about him and then I promise I'll stop I just OOOHHMYGODHFJGKG HE JUST. I had so much hope. That. He would reply and it wouldn't fix things, I wouldn't go back to watching him or anything but at the very least I could get closure that like? Maybe his closer friends would be able to heal and move on? Idk if that's parasocial or whatever but he was such a big role model for me the past few years I really had hope that at least some parts of it were real, you know? And instead we just find out that he not only did these shitty things but didn't fucking learn and did it to other people too and??? It's really really upsetting that he created this safe space, this community of people who were all so lovely while just being. Fake. The whole time. And he doesn't even have the gull to properly apologise and I just??#?# idk what to do with my emotions LMFAO I'd finally started to feel better and like move on but now today I'm just angry again grgrgfhfjdkdk and I totally get that like him being a complete dickhead is easier in a lot of ways bc there's no. Doubting it. Or anything. Like there's no redeeming him. And we can get closure from that. But fuckkk it hurts so badly and the tl is a mess of ppl being like "well this person would never do me wrong" and then ppl being like "fuck every YouTuber ever actually. We can't ever be sure we know them" and LIKE!$?_?$?
Dude I am so conflicted on so many levels rn I feel like my entire world has just been yeeted into the sun LMFAODKFKFKFK
Anyways. Anyways. Thank you bee. Ur tumblr is the only account w a brain rn fr lmfaodjfkfkfks
I get it, I'm fucking furious at him. he had a chance to at least own up to what he did. I wouldn't have gone back to consuming his content, but I could be somewhat at peace knowing he was taking steps towards being better.
I don't want to think it was all a lie, because abusers aren't all completely evil people. the thing is, wilbur is human. a very shitty human, but human nonetheless. and we can't know for sure how healthy or unhealthy every relationship in his life has ever been and I think overanalyzing that or trying to figure out what was fake and what was real isn't really our business or worth our time. wilbur is a guy who has hurt a lot of people, but also refuses to recognize the hurt he's caused. that's it.
I do hate the dichotomy I'm seeing between people trying to prop up their own favorite white boys on a pedestal because apparently people never learn, but also going out and saying every content creator is inherently evil and we shouldn't trust any of them. these people are human. they're all going to fuck up at some point, some worse than others. and sometimes they'll fuck up in a way that they can move past and we can forgive them for, and other times they'll fuck up in a way that shows they shouldn't have the platform they have. they're not all terrible, and they're not all perfect. that's what we should be keeping in mind for the future.
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i rant a lot abt genya and sanemi so here’s 8 rants abt genya and sanemi that no one asked for. but still got.
dedicated to everyone on twitter that got sad after reading them.
1.
i feel like ppl misunderstand genya i think bc they’re projecting into him like “he should be mad abt what sanemi did” no he shouldn’t????? don’t get me wrong he sure COULD but the whole point of the character is that he doesn’t, bc he’s simply not that kind of person !!
he’s so empathetic. he understands sanemi more than,,, probably anyone lmao, not in a logical sense bc he doesn’t analyze sanemi per se hes just led by feelings !! the thing abt genya is that ppl degrading him didn’t make him hate them, it made him hate himself.
i feel like that’s rlly important to who genya is, his values, how he sees life,,, he’s a naturally forgiving and loving person and sees the good in everyone by empathizing,,,
many people wouldn’t do the same but some other people would and that’s the beauty of his character, that he has his own ideals and perception.
2.
one thing that gets me is that genya was,,, healing. he met friends and people he appreciated and appreciated him. he wasn’t alone as he was when he was a kid and as he was when sanemi was no longer by his side.
he was healing until he wasn’t, right? physically and mentally. not even regeneration, not even having friends could save him. he got strong enough to save others, but not himself.
replying to a comment : I actually think it’s a great trajectory narratively speaking,,, specifically bc it’s unfair. The whole thing with kny is that demons are stronger than human, that their lives are on the line, that it’s a war and people die unfairly.
3.
i think genya didn’t feel like sanemi HATED him or something big like that, i think he just thought sanemi didn’t want him as a brother bc he had hurt him with what happened in their past
genya is hurt bc he wants a good relationship with sanemi and therefore wants to apologize, and that’s where his insecurities abt if sanemi hates him arrive, but he never questions sanemi being a good person
and he doesn’t think sanemi wants him dead or to hurt him, he just thinks sanemi’s mad at him and has every right to be (in genya’s mind)
i interpreted it this way bc of the scene where he talks to tanjiro and tanjiro tells him sanemi isn’t angry (he has doubts abt sanemi’s feelings) and bc of the scene where he punches zenitsu (he knows sanemi’s not a bad person)
(both of this scenes are before sanemi’s confession of his true intentions, bc genya’s perspective could’ve changed after that giving place to the death scene. but this leads me to believe this were his feelings before all of that)
but yeah i think we tend to extrapolate their behavior towards each other to every field when i think it’s not it
genya felt hurt on a personal way bc sanemi was trying to cut their relationship, but i didn’t get the feeling that he felt abused
besides genya being a kind and understanding and forgiving person, sanemi was always dismissive towards him. not aggressive.
i mean, he was mean (and he got worse due to genya not relenting) but his objective wasn’t to actively hurt genya by saying he was a worthless piece of trash, it was more to make him see he didn’t have talent.
but he never searched for genya to degrade him and ruin his life, in fact, what hurt genya wasn’t being degraded it was being ignored. related to what i said earlier abt him wanting a good relationship.
genya also has self esteem issues and i guess it’s partly influenced by what sanemi said but it’s mostly bc it’s true that he can’t use breathes. this never deterred him from eating demons to be able to fight though, he was determined to overcome this.
in kimetsu gakuen it’s said sanemi’s hard on genya so genya can be better and i think it’s based on this part of canon; it’s characteristic of genya bc it helps him get stronger (study more in gakuen) and it makes him kinda doubt himself
(in gakuen he thinks sanemi might like him more if he was smart like the tokito’s) but it ultimately doesn’t mean he has a bad relationship with sanemi, it’s just a depiction of their brotherly dynamic smh.
in canon though, the being ignored part IS what’s making their relationship fail.
also, the fact that genya didn’t think that sanemi hated him (he only wanted to be away from him) explains why he was so surprised in the eye poking scene,,, he didn’t feel like sanemi hated him so he didn’t expect him to do that, it felt out of character for him.
i don’t know what genya thought about sanemi after that but i bet it’s something related to not hating him, but hating that he was eating demons and doing something so foul.
4.
sanemi overthinks about genya. about life. on his desperation not to loose people he loves, he makes intricate plans to push genya away.
genya’s simpler, in a way. “you had many horrible memories and i want you to be happy” he’s not carefully crafted plans to protect, he’s much more genuine. he just loves.
5.
i can’t with the shinazugawas bc they loved each other sm they didn’t want the other to die before them. the only thing sanemi wanted for genya to be alive and viceversa bc they could handle loosing their relationship but they couldn’t handle loosing each other
6.
no bc i just know that genya was terrified while he died but i think that he was also happy that sanemi didn’t, everytime i think abt how selfless he actually was i get sick he deserved sm more
he must’ve also felt so broken bc his brother loved him !!! but they’ll never see each other again !!! and they didn’t enjoy their moments together to the fullest but he really only wanted sanemi to survive and viceversa.
7.
i think a lot abt how family dynamics affect the shinazugawas storyline bc sanemi feels like he has the duty to protect genya bc he’s the older sibling
but genya’s the second oldest . was the second oldest and he also has the instinct to protect
genya feels responsible too and more so after he wasn’t there for sanemi when sanemi needed it the most
he had to fight to protect bc sanemi wanted him to be the one protected but he saw the suffering he wanted to help
he’s an older brother who doesn’t have little siblings anymore
comment : Oh not to mention Genya was the one who witnessed his siblings getting killed, sanemi wasn’t in there when it happened. I feel like that would also effect genya majorly since he seen it happen yk?
YEAH THAT TOO that must’ve affected him sm bc he couldn’t protect anyone that night. sanemi protected genya but genya was there and he was unable to do anything 😭
i think that’s also why he’s so insistent on apologizing to sanemi bc like . looking back he’d see that the only thing he could’ve done that night was at least be there for him and he wasn’t
reply to a comment : yeah sanemi could’ve had better communication skills, but honestly? i get him. he wanted genya to get away and be safe and if he had accepted genya’s apology and showed him a bit of warmth genya wouldn’t have let go 😭
8.
we talk a lot abt how sanemi’s issues affected his relationship with genya but not abt how genya’s issues affected his relationship with sanemi
i feel like more ppl see genya only as a victim bc his way of reacting to trauma was to blame himself but that is too his issue
he could’ve hated sanemi or defended himself but he . didn’t . and he probably should have bc that was what sanemi was aiming to do too 😭 but genya just blamed himself
genya didn’t have to keep being after sanemi given how bad he was being treated, and then sanemi wouldn’t have been driven to extremes
it’s the fact that their interests and ways of reacting to trauma and family dynamics conflict what makes the events of kny possible but genya’s trauma did influence it he wasn’t acting like any normal person would, either.
#kny#genya shinazugawa#sanemi shinazugawa#demon slayer#i rant abt this two too much for my own good#the hyperfixation is taking over#took over three years ago actually#but i’m still not over it#what a clever wordplay im a genius
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Hey, hope you’re doing better… time will make things better, believe me. Just here to give some advice ig, I don’t if it’ll be useful or not, but here I go.
First of all, you are not a bad person. You couldn’t know he was an abuser at all, none of us could… Even if there were signs or not; abusers tend to be good at hiding them… Also we never really know a content creator/celebrity/influencer/etc. We just don’t. The person who they show us can be just a part of them or a completely made up “show” persona. So, it’s not your fault for not knowing and admiring/loving him while you didn’t know. You did nothing wrong at all.
Now that you know, you can do smth abt it. If you want you can give away stuff you have of him (like merch) or use it in privately (as to not show any more support for him). Please don’t burn stuff or throw it away in the trash just to make a point; it really helps no one, you’ve already payed for it, you can’t take the money back, so better give it another use—reuse, reduce and recycle pretty much.
This will be controversial, but you aren’t a bad person for liking something that was made by a bad person. I know this is the “separate the art from the artist” conversation… but just here me out: sometimes I think it’s really not the sin everyone is making it out to be, as long as you try not to support the “artist” (content creator and his music in this case) any longer and acknowledge that the artist is bad, I think you are okay.
You aren’t tainted, bad or somehow it means you are an apologist. It really doesn’t. Just be cautious with it; not saying this like in a “hide that you like him so ppl don’t realize you like him and so /know/ or think you are bad person”, but more in the “some people might be triggered by him and because of what was reveled it’s probably best to try not to support him anymore”.
Support always meaning giving him more money, expanding his voice, introducing more ppl to him and his music, etc.
That said. You can still listen to his music if you want. Again, it’s not a sin or reflection of who you are; it doesn’t make you bad by association or bad at all. Just try to listen it in other ways to not give him any more money or any more of a platform.
You could listen to his music on ytb, many channels have uploaded his stuff and since they are not official acc’s I don’t think he gets any money from it. You could download his music and listen to it outside Spotify or whatever; you can do so from ytb with YouTube Convertors :) You could also listen him from SoundCloud, just make sure the /file/ you listening wasn’t uploaded by the official band (if they even have a SoundCloud acc?).
I wanna add. Just like this could be a “separate the art from the artist” conversation, ig it could also be a “death of the author” one. You are free to take whatever you want from his art, it is yours now and having that doesn’t make you bad because he is bad. Doesn’t really work like that.
Lastly I guess, it takes time to grow out of an attachment to someone. So please give yourself time, be kind to yourself… It will happen eventually, believe me.
In the meanwhile, specially if you feel too guilty about listening to him or watching his content, you can look for alternatives. There’s plenty of recommendations going around rn, both for similar music and streamers to listen/watch instead; so you could look into those. Yk what they say: nothing like a new hyperfixation to replace another B) haha Idk if anyone has ever said that but sometimes it works like that.
Hope you feel better soon. I do. Hope you get to forgive yourself if you need to? I don’t think you did anything bad, but sometimes we feel like we did regardless… so I hope you found forgiveness if you need it. Remember to be kind to yourself and give it time.
Best of luck. Sending good vibes to you too 🌟✨💫🌸🌻🌱
Thanks so much Anon, that is actually really helpful advice. Luckily, I have other content creators, it’s just hard to go from being obsessed and worshipping him to crying in bed because he is a bad person. I don’t have any merch, but I wanted the records for record day, but I kinda didn’t think it was a good idea anymore… At first, I was trying to distance myself, ignore it cause it hurt to much to think. What I was doing yesterday was keeping myself constantly busy so I didn’t get the chance to think at all. Now I’m kinda accepting it and a little step forward I’ve seen myself take is instead ignoring videos bashing Wilbur on TikTok, I watch them and not avoid them. It’s baby steps but it’s something. I used to use YCGMA to fall asleep, but stopped two nights ago coincidentally, I haven’t dreamed, or haven’t had as vivid of dreams that I’m used to. I basically conditioned myself to be obsessed with him, and not I need unconditioned myself.
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Good Omens Season 2 Episode 6 Thoughts (for real this time)
Let's just take this chronologically so I can lose my mind at the end.
Crowley in heaven! What a dork! He looks lovely I hope SO MANY PPL cosplay him.
OKAY. OKAY LISTEN. I know we never got Crowley's angelic name but that demon was a SERAPH I WILL NOT BE TAKING QUESTIONS. I AM A RAPHAEL!CROWLEY TRUTHER AND WILL BE SO UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE.
He's so powerful! Someone on here pointed out that when Gabriel in the recording said he was the only supreme (or level 1 or something?) archangel in heaven it panned immediately to Crowley. MY MAN. MY GIRL. CROWLEY IS SO IMPORTANT!!
Throwing encyclopedias at the demons and Aziraphale wincing, boy I feel you.
And shax made fun of Zira for liking food?? Okay fat shamer! Get fucked!
Wartime Halo Demon Bomb?? Great band name.
Crowley defusing a war with just saying "no, bad, do NOT"? The power he has!!
OMG
INEFFABLE
BUREAUCRACY
First of all, I THOUGHT the fly was a Beelzebub thing! I just didn't think it had Gabriel's memories in it.
Their little love story was cute, but explain to me HOW we were supposed to deduce why the jukebox is the way it is or WHY Gabe lost his memories without the Bureaucracy exposition??? NEIL YOU WANTED US TO FIGURE IT OUT BUT HOW???
Good for them for going off together but it's just so SILLY how THEY get to have that and our duo DON'T. I do not like it.
Okay. Let's get on with it.
So I DON'T get my angsty finale, but I do get something INFINITELY WORSE.
Maggie and Nina coming to Crowley to tell him what's up. Good for them!
Nina calling Maggie Angel I ALMOST FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR
Hell yes Derek Jacobi you're so lovely but I want to punch the Metatron in the FACE.
Why on earth would you get Zira THAT coffee?? He doesn't drink coffee!! Is this some power trip?? Is there SOMETHING IN THE COFFEE???
Aziraphale. Sweetie. Darling. Dear boy. You're so STUPID.
Crowley being like, I need to tell you this right now or I may never be able to say it. And Zira like, hold that thought! YOU RUDE LITTLE BITCH LET HIM SPEAK.
Aziraphale. WHY. WHY DO YOU INSIST THAT HEAVEN IS SO WONDERFUL AND GOOD!!! THEY SUCK!! THEY HURT PEOPLE!! YOU LITERALLY LIED TO THEM ABOUT JOB'S KIDS CUZ YOU KNEW THEY WERE WRONG!! WHY DO YOU KEEP DEFENDING THEM!!
Crowley confessing. Begging Aziraphale not to do this. Aziraphale not understanding why Crowley WOULDN'T want to do this. ZIRA AFTER EVERYTHING CROWLEY'S BEEN THRU YOU WANT HIM TO GO BACK TO HIS ABUSIVE FAMILY???
The kiss.
My heart shattered.
I've been waiting for this moment for over a month, and I got it in the WORST POSSIBLE WAY. Crowley's desperation, Aziraphale not knowing how to react. Not reacting at all. Crowley kissed him and he just stood there.
Sidebar: I KNOW that Aziraphale KNOWS that he's in love with Crowley. He KNEW in 1941. You dumbass. You imbecile. You fucker. Why.
"I forgive you".
LITERALLY MURDER ME
I want to understand him. I am Aziraphale-coded for sure. But I guess I'm also Crowley-coded?? Idk what to do with my feelings.
The WAY he SAYS the line. The ACTING from Michael. Bravo bb. THE WAY. HE SAYS IT. MY HEART IS ALREADY TORN OUT AND NOW YOU PUT IT THRU A MEAT GRINDER.
Excuse me Zira I have one question:
WHAT.
ON EARTH.
DOES HE NEED TO BE FORGIVEN FOR.
YOU ABSOLUTE TWAT.
I'm gonna commit multiple crimes.
Crowley just standing there HEARTBROKEN. He LOVES THAT ANGEL SO MUCH. HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM. I'M GONNA MCFUCKING LOSE IT.
And he just walks out. And Aziraphale looks just as broken. I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate it.
And after EVERYTHING. Crowley still waits by his car. Waits to see if Aziraphale will come to his senses and come back for him. But he doesn't. Zira even LOOKS BACK AT HIM before going into the elevator. How DARE you. How FUCKING DARE YOU YOU COWARD.
And you know??? You know what really gets to me?? You know what really cooks my noodle?? Besides the "I forgive you"???
Aziraphale's face journey in the elevator. How it lands, at the end, on a horrific smile. Bless Michael's acting skills cuz that is a horrible smile.
And Crowley just feels nothing. Completely broken. Like all of us.
I get it. I GET THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE PARALLELS. @sycophantastic pointed it out, that it's a 3-act structure, and I know this is the "dark night of the soul" portion of the hero's journey. I GET. IT. I still hate it.
It took me forever to get to sleep last night. Like an hour and a half. Cuz my brain wouldn't shut up. And I dreamt about them. And it was awful and sad. And NOW we're going to a friend's house to watch the whole thing with her for the first time. Again. I have to endure this again.
I need QUITE EXTRAORDINARY AMOUNTS OF ALCOHOL.
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I guess I'm just a morbid ass person but I wish I had some place to belong. It took 20 years of abuse, alienation, and pain to finally find ppl that respect me and understand me. I'm tired of meeting ppl that are my "friend" but they pass a boundary and then expect me to just forgive them.(I have 2 ppl at the moment I would call friends one I barely see anymore or even hear from and the other is someone I quickly became friends with. Everytime Ive quickly became "friends" with someone it hasn't ended well. I'm hoping this will be good.) But idk I'm just tired of being emotionally manipulated. Why is the world so cruel. I take a beating everyday just to respect myself. It's not fair. It's so hard trying to care about anything.. I barely care for myself. I'm in constant pain and fear. This is just my reality. The thought of other ppl not having to care about their mental state is just so mind boggling to me. I'm glad u feel accepted cause I sure don't. Typing this shit out nobody will care or listen. What is the point in anything idrk. I'm still just here i guess. It's so funny i was thinking of not talking to my high school friend anymore cause i felt like she was a "neglectful" friend and honestly I didn't want her to feel like she "needs" to talk to me 24/7. But at least every now and then. I don't care for romance I don't mind being single for the rest of my life but can I plesss find a place I genuinely belong and want to be apart of. I don't want to settle for friends or a lover. Just accept me just accept them. My feelings are valid but I just don't see the point in caring . I just don't care. 6ft under I go
Why can't someone just genuinely care about me and my wellbeing. I try to do the same for others but no one can ever do it for me.. I'm tired of making "friends" and then ppl abandon me shortly after. U were never a friend. U took my energy and dipped. I wish death upon u. I'm so fucking tired of ppl using me. I'm so tired
I don't wish nothing good for anybody It's not coming help's not coming, understanding not is not coming. Nothing is here nothing to believe in 🤓
I'd really like to stop caring about anything at all. I don't want to care I want to not be here
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Thara/evru smut yes please 👀 although I do agree with what you said before like I also thought he sounded like a bit of a wet noodle and not worth thara's extreme grief. I don't doubt that they loved each other very much and I don't even blame him really for murdering his abusive wife but the fact that he lied to thara about it is what bothers me the most. I know he probably thought no one would find the body but he knew thara would have to witness for her if she was found and he knew what a horrible position that would put him in like being forced to talk to the spirit of a woman he hated and who probably hated him just as much and also thara now knows personally what it would be like to be murdered by evru which is horrific!! Not to mention making everything worse with the homophobic hierophant who already didn't like him and outing him to the whole town.
I guess his only redeeming factors are that I don't doubt he'd be truly sorry and regretful about the whole thing and that thara said evru said he never expected thara to lie for him or put him above his calling so I guess he at least understood how important that is to him and didn't expect thara to choose him over his calling but idk probably not a great dude overall (iana is way better for him anyway!!) I just hope he can eventually heal from all this grief and forgive himself and realise that other people do actually like him and care for him deeply
man see, i'm so torn now between the like original kneejerk assumption of meekness that i got from thara's brief overt descriptions of evru (that nickname we get in witness, evrin after a white deer, oof) and my deepening understanding of the history of queerness and violent homophobia?? plus the cycle of abuse, like. i think evru got the shortest possible end of the stick, and the shit we do when we're in protracted panic mode isn't automatically excusable but it's at least understandable. and i think the mistakes he made might not say much at all about him as a person, except that he was frightened—so i think i'm gonna welcome an alteration to how i think about him. like yeah he super fucked up, several times over (can i joke about an alternate universe where he panicked after killing oseian and confessed to thara, and w/o the pressure of legally witnessing for her thara was just like well shit ok lets deal w this i love u [with some guilt probably, but also thara's fairly dispassionate about shitty ppl dying when he's not charged w seeing them laid to a just rest] and helped him get rid of her body better and then everyting was FINE) but man like.
what if he was funny? what if he was gentle with dinged-up old thara? what if he was tall and beautiful and thara thought of him with the same reverence as ulis's moon? what if he braided thara's hair for him and made sure he ate a square meal regularly?
what if the nickname everin is less about temperament, and more about the innate grace and deliberateness of his movements? what if his ears were constantly in motion, despite all attempts to control them? what if thara called him evrin to tell him that this, too, was beautiful? what if he was broad and strong like an elk, and oseian's abuse went unnoticed by all but thara, because who could abuse a man so big, so strong? after all, men are never the abused—only the abuser. after all, he had been the one to sweep oseian off her feet, and if the passion there had cooled to the public eye, well that was just marriage, wasn't it?
what if evru dalar tried so very, very hard to be a good man? what if he was? what if he was kindness itself, until that one animal moment? what if it was an accident?
what if thara celehar struck him to his core the first time evru stepped inside aveio's ulimeire, there to honor the passing of the old clocksmith, who he'd always liked? thara celehar, pale as milk against the black of his vestments; thara celehar, made fey and strange beneath ulis's moon mask. thara celehar, with the voice like the murmur of distant thunder heard in the dimming afternoon—the sort you know means you'll fall asleep to the sound of rain on your roof, feeling soft and safe? what if safety was so very rare a feeling? what if you didn't quite understand the urge to fall into step with a quiet young man, whose eyes without the mask were blue as hope itself?
what if your friendship surprised him? what if you liked that? liked how it looked on him—surprise, uncertainty, the tinge of pink in his ears when you smiled at him?
what if you kissed him in the empty creche of his ulimeire, filling a space that was meant to honor the unknown? what if he was frightened—what if he was fervent—what if his love washed you clean like that rainstorm of your first imagining?
what if—?
#thara celehar#evru dalar#wftd#cemeteries of amalo#uhhHHH yeah ok i#have#feelings now#i will now crawl under my desk and weep#aj answers#anonymous ask#ask#the writing tag#sort of
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Ok ok last question then I’ll stop bothering you lol (but I eagerly look forward to anything you will say in the future about fairytail!)
I think I got your thoughts on Nalu, but what about other ships? You said Gajeel and Levy are your fav ship, could you tell us more why? What about Gray x Juvia? Do you have a least favorite ship?
(And don’t be sorry for rambling a lot/your posts being long! I really enjoy reading your thoughts!)
bestie i literally love u i never have the chance to post my ft hc stuff im THRIVING
aight so im going to make enemies with this post i can feel it in my bones gjkfdhgsfdkj
however i just want to say if u like these ships thats completely fine and if you read them diffrently than i do thats also dope
so lets start positive!! i LOVE gajevy sm its so perfect i just ljdghfkjd
no listen like the thing that gets me abt gajevy is how it elevates gajeel as a character SO MUCH and gives levy so much agency at the same time, like u cant tell me ft would have embraced gajeel the way they did if levy didnt CHOOSE to forgive gajeel in some capacity and like fuck imagine ur GAJEEL in this situation like bro wakes up everyday and this is just his life
gajeel lost metalica at a young age, and (i dont remember too much of canon but im pretty sure its implied he just kinda fucked around until phantom tropue picked him up which yikes) like this CHILD was on his own most of his formative years and then got picked up by a super shitty abusive group of ppl and he just LEARNED to blend in, like yea metalica made him kind of a punk but he was a KID so during those years he was alone he probably just closed himself off to survive and learned to prioritize himself over everybody else and to do that it takes a level of desensitizing urself to others pain
and like ok again im playing hard and fast with canon but i THINK its implied he like, had done a lot of bad shit with them or whatever right? like what he did to levy and fairy tail wasn't NEW, so when the events in canon happen and he ends up at fairy tail, in my mind that's the FIRST TIME he has to face how HIS ACTIONS DIRECTLY HURT SOMEONE
and not only thats but someone who OBJECTIVELY DIDN'T DESERVE IT
like ugh gajeel just,, having to learn to let himself care but also it fucking sucks bc it just makes it set in more and more what a bad person he is (he isnt but he thinks he is) THEN FUCKING LEVY PULLS UP AND JUST?? IS THE BEST???
she literally blows thro all his expectations of her bc at this point i think hes use to dealing with ppl being afraid of him bc that ssomething he understands and control, what he DOESNT understand is her being NICE to him and it makes him RESPECT her and its so out of no where that by the time the GMG roles around and gajeel has fully accepted the fact that he indeed has emotions like everyone else, ONLY TO HAVE TO FACE LEVY BEING SCARED OF HIM AGAIN
learning to put others needs above his own and being empathetic in his own fucked up way
ok enough positivity time to make ppl mad
gonna link my juvia is a lesbian post here bc it sums up a LOT of my feelings on gruvia but the tldr is that my personal hc is that juvia is a lesbian with a serious case of comp het from trying to fit in with other kids growing up and it literally was just never corrected until she got to fairy tail and actively started to form friendships
the main reason i dislike gruvia is that it paints gray as the one who needs to change in order to accept juvias feelings and not just cuz he needs to grow as a person and learn to allow himself to be vunrable.
like grays arc doesnt ONLY center around juvia but its a big part of it and juvias growth CENTERS around gray and we can talk about the the borderline misogynist idea of having a female character whos damn near whole identity is her feelings for a man where she never grows or learns meaningfully but instead just very slowly chills out more so from being sidelined than growth but i digress i just dont like them
last is jerza,, i just dont like em,, jellal is really boring in my opinion and he had a lot of potential but meh? his redemption is neat and his history with erza has potential but i feel like the point of erzas arc is about growth and moving on and while i think her and jellal can still be friends and have each others back she still has so much healing to do after tower of heaven
idk i dont see a lot wrong with jerza i just feel like its a lil bland and not my cup of tea
and yes queer platonic nalu is my life id die for them actually and i have more stuff about natsus abandonment issues and how they carry into his relationships with ppl but imma stop bc this post is long jgkfhgdjhfdjk
tldr: i love gajevy, actively dislike gruvia, very meh about jerza, love qpp nalu
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unpopular opinion i guess but i dont want touya to forgive endeavor like yeah forget abt him and get rid of his hatred and obsessions and return to the rest of his family sure but i really dont want him to act like endeavor never did anything wrong and have a good son/father relationship out of nowhere like idk i think im in denial lol i really dont want the message to be like "ppl that dont forgive their abusers after they ~changed~ deserve bad things" 😭
I don't think with Touya question is about forgiveness, but some kind of closure.
It is not fandom that pushes Touya to Endeavor, the need to be "seen", acknowledged, validated by his father is at the core of his character that cannot be simply ignored.
Touya is stuck. He's stuck as a rejected 5-year old, as the 8-year old whose tantrum was punished with more separation, as a 13-year old, whose last dying thought was to want to still be seen by his father, as a 16-year old, whose first waking thought from a 3-year coma was to see his dad, as a 24-year old, who has spent the last 8 years obsessing over an encounter and not being able to let go.
Sure, if you want to see a psychology handbook, maybe it would be healthier if Touya could find a way to move forward without his abuser. But the coping mechanisms in the story are not about that.
Both Shouto and Touya were rejected, their child selves hurt by the parent they'd been more attached to. Shouto could only move forward once he faced Rei and understood that the "rejection" he experienced was because of his mother's breakdown and not something that was personally wrong or unlovable in him.
I think Touya needs and deserves the same kind of acknowledgement from Enji. He needs to experience being loved and accepted as he is, and to know that he wasn't a "failure" or "worthless" as a human being, and it was his father who was squarely in the wrong for treating him like that. That's the starting point and healing can start from there.
I don't think there can be suddenly an idyllic relationship between Enji and Touya and I think Enji understands that. But he feels like he owes it to Touya to watch and try to give him whatever support he can at this point knowing full well that it's not going to change the past.
I think the question of the right to not forgive has been explored well with Natsuo, and I don't think bad things are coming to Touya because he's not forgiving Endeavor, but because he’s stuck in a negative emotion that’s destroying him. Touya needs help to let go, to be unstuck from this rejection hell he's been living for almost 2 decades now and Endeavor finally facing him as a father can maybe help him with that.
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how do i forgive myself for ignoring my friends' texts and reaching out to check on me, when i was very depressed and dealing with multiple crisis? I stayed away and didnt ask for support and then ghost them. I also didnt connect with other people or post on social media where they could see it and get hurt by me ignoring them.
I just laid low and licked my wounds in private. My issues were not things they could help with (like my marriage having huge fights, unemployment , being sick, my mom being hospitalized)
But i dont know if i deserve to be their friend still?
I feel so overwhelmed with guilt that i dont know how to reconnect with them or how to reply.
Especially when i read posts that say "cut out people who disappear on you" or "its time to drop ppl who dont make an effort to meet u halfway " when i read stuff like this i feel stricken with panic and i afraid that my friends will buy into this narrative or be convinced that i deserve to be cut out.
I feel ashamed and lonely.
More info: the last time we were in touch i used to be there for them and listen to them a lot and host them and take them out when i could. So im not a very useless friend (i think). But im just very bad at keeping in touch when im overwhelmed n hurt by my own life.
Please will you or your followers give me some peace? If you were in my friends' shoes, would you forgive someone like me ? Would you be okay with me reappearing after 2 months?
(Btw me and these friends all reside in different cities so these are all long distance friendships based solely on texting).
I feel so guilty i could die
Hey love, sorry to hear you’re going through all of this. And i’m sorry to hear ab all the difficulties you’re facing.
I know some people like to lay low and deal w their issues first before going to others for support. (i do the same thing!) and as a result, distancing yourself from relationships can make sense.
It’s totally understandable to feel guilty and lonely as a result of all of this.
And regarding the internet’s thinking on relationships & cutting people off - it’s so false. I think it makes sense to end a relationship when it’s abusive/unhealthy - that’s real yknow. But it’s such black and white thinking. Don’t listen to the internet. And i certainly don’t think it applies in this scenario.
You clearly value your friendships and i’m sure they value you and care ab you. Honestly? Shoot them a message, explain what’s been going on. Don’t hold back. Arrange a dedicated time to talk if you can.
We all need friends. And yeah you may feel ashamed and guilty but don’t let it prevent you from reaching out. You need a good support system around you and you don’t want to lose your friends, especially in a time when you’re facing difficulty. Support and community is essential. We all need it. We all need love.
Be honest, and tell them how you feel.
If this was my loved one, i would be concerned more than anything. I love all my friends deeply. I’d want to hear from them and ensure they are okay. I wouldn’t hold it against them if they are already going through a tough time. I’d offer them compassion & empathy.
And you’re not a bad friend. Don’t believe that thought. The fact you asked this shows you care.
Please take care of yourself. Ensure you are leaning on your support system. If therapy is available to you, it may also be worth considering. Sometimes you need a safe space to process what is going on. It sounds like you’re going through a lot of stress.
I hope it all goes well ❤️
And if any if my followers have any further advice pls add thank U!
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They’ll start apologizing when she starts suing ppl. Some ppl apologized when Tory was convicted & stories about her legal team building a case for defamation started circulating. Megan better do what Cardi did to Tasha K & bankrupt all these ppl who talk shit & lie for a living funny how when you get whipped your so sorry now
Biiich you better pay your debts and take them whippings like you was taking abuser cock!
Tory getting more fans than he ever had after he shot Meg is really when I fully became indifferent about men. Like a lot of them actively chose to support a nigga, not because they actually liked his music, but because he shot a BW that they wanted to be humbled.
That’s why I never took men who diminished her talent down to just “twerking” lightly. All that “little” hater stuff that men say about women is usually a precursor to violence. And violence is not just physical.
Words can be violence
I have kept a list of everybody of prominence who was on Tory Lanez side. I’m not Jesus I keep records of wrongdoings! Jesus forgives and saves sinners, I pray on those bad people downfall and I forgive them when they show it through their actions
Listen, cuz if you shoot ME you better make sure you unalive me cuz otherwise I’m getting my lick back AND sending what’s left of you to your mama. 10 years isn’t nearly enough for what he did to her physically, emotionally, mentally, and publicly.
He just needs to die
#Instagram#megan thee stallion#i’m not sad for her#i’m outraged#i’m just glad she’s in a better place now#those people can speak for themselves they know who they are#and they can go straight to hell#they will pay for their crimes#for sucking that abusers meat#I’m not sad for her#I’m outraged#I’m just glad she’s in a better place now#As always a loud and sincere fuck you to everyone who has doubted her and supported that Canadian cuntery who must not be named#Those people can speak for themselves they know who they are#And they can go straight to hell#They will pay for their crimes#She went through unnecessary trauma for two years#That’s unforgivable#Next level fuckery#That that type of ish that would lead to an episode of snapped or deadly women#once again#🖕🏿daystar Peterson#annnnn boom#just like that#may all who come against black women rot#Don’t fuck with black women#If you can’t love them then at least don’t harm them#can’t wait to see that sociopath locked up on August 7th.#can’t wait to see that sociopath locked up on august 7th#That’s a sociopath.
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An overview of my votes/theories for each prisoner and what I'll probably vote this round before the first second trial video comes out
Haruka: Forgiven->Forgiven
Honestly right now I'm not entirely sure on what he's done, I'm 99% sure he killed his childhood friend and dog but there's gotta be something else right? He killed them as a kid I'm pretty sure yet he's 17, but every other prisoner was taken into Milgram almost straight after their murders, why would there be such a large time gap? I don't believe the brother theory and I don't think he killed his mother. And who noticed him in the end? At first I thought it was referencing Milgram taking him but none of the other characters have refrences to Milgram itself in their first so I have my doubts. He doesn't seem to understand the full extent of what he's done and why it's wrong, and I doubt Milgram forgiving him is helping that but I think he needs safety and love more than he needs to get tortured by some girl with a bat. I am however worried for Mu's safety considering what happened to his childhood friend :(
Yuno: Forgiven->Forgiven
Overall, he confuses me alot but until I get more info I'll vote him forgiven ♡
EDIT: ignore the majority of this and go read my other Haruka post pleasy
Gonna go againt the popular theories here and say her 'sin' wasn't abortion but purposely inducing a miscarriage (potentially multiple) considering how difficult it seems to get an abortion in Japan and her constant stair imagery (her entire first trial video, the picture of her standing atop stairs in Undercover and the stairs in her placard (think that's the right word)). Honestly she just seems depressed and apathetic towards others, hope she gets out of Milgram soon it's bad for her :((((( there's very little I can think of that could be shown in her next video that'd make me unforgive her aswell as make sense so for now it's a very easy forgive ♡
Futa: Unforgiven->Forgiven
His video seems pretty straight forward, harrassing and doxxing ppl online in the name of justice and making himself feel like a hero, until it cost someone their life. It's important to note that in Undercover his victim is depicted still wearing their shoes, unlike the other suicide victims in Milgram who have them off, as in Japan it's common for suicide victims to take their shoes off before committing suicide. There's quite a few reasons they do this, one that stood out to me was to show that they did actually choose to commit suicide and they weren't just murdered or did it accidentally or something. It could be that the victim did it very impulsively, not even thinking of taking their shoes off. It could be a way of them communicating in death that while they did kill themselves, it was more that they were murdered by the people harrassing them (aka Futa). Or it could be that the doxxing led to someone coming to their house and killing them. Could be anything rlly I'm just spitting out ideas! Despite the fact he's a terrible person, he is a good guy. He does all this out of a belief that it's the right thing to do, that by hunting these people online he's making the world a better place and helping the innocent, and I'm pretty sure he never thought it'd get someone killed. I also have my suspicious that he's neglected at home and was bullied in the past, but that's a post for another day
Overall, as disgusting as what he did was, he definitely isn't deserving of what's happening to him now and I love him ♡
Mu: Forgiven->Forgiven
Not much to say here honestly :D no matter how manipulative and annoying she is, no one deserves to be abused to the point of believing their only options are suicide or murder, she did what she had to do ^_^
Shidou: Forgiven->Forgiven
Wow lots of forgiving huh! I have too many thoughts about him that if I tried to write them down it would probably give both of us a migraine. Just know he is a pathetic terrible man that I believe can be redeemed if we just keep forgiving him!!!! Maybe;;
Mahiru: Forgiven->?????
She's like the only character I don't have clear thoughts on. I can't fault her for feeling things so strongly and having an extremely unrealistic view on how love is, but on the other hand I can't forgive her for forcing those feelings and views onto another that they killed themselves after 14 days of knowing her. I'm very worried for her safety, she's clearly physically weak and can't defend herself well at all, and she keeps talking about how she sees no reason in living if her love is denied, and she's no longer wearing shoes (going back to my previous thing about taking shoes off before suicide). We can't let ourselves be guilt tripped into forgiving her however, and the fact that instead of questioning her ideals she's went straight to the extreme makes me question her redeemability
Overall, I'm leaning towards unforgiven but again she just can't understand why what she did is wrong and it's hard for me to condemn someone like that. Love isn't a crime but abuse and stalking sure is
Kazui: Forgiven->Forgiven
Hello! I have been following your project for the past two years, and have come to the conclusion you do not deserve to have Kazui in your prison. He is my boyfriend and seeing him in an environment not meant for him brings me anxiety, so I will be expecting a reply to this post when you have him forgiven and ready to relinquish him to someone who will treasure him like he deserves.
Amane: Forgiven->Unforgiven
So if we forgive her, her belief in her cult is affirmed. If we don't forgive her, she doubles down on her belief in her cult. There's no winning orz. I think from the end of her first video, deep down she knows something is wrong even if she doesn't realise it yet, maybe if we keep pushing she'll start to wake up? If not, well there's no winning either way. Praying for Shidou's safety 🙏 maybe 'praying' isn't the right word but still- she questioned her beliefs in her video afterall, going against what she was told to help that 'cat', maybe she can do it again!
Overall, she's just a kid who was tortured into her murder, but eventually she'll grow up into an adult that'll torture other kids into murder. I'll keep unforgiving her from this point onward, there's very little that'll change that.
Mikoto: Unforgiven->Forgiven
(I'll refer to our mystery alter as 09 in this) So what do we know about 09 so far? Well for starters he's like super depressed! The lyrics in MeMe are very clear about this, showing him asking if it's okay for him to keep on living, saying that he gave up trying to change ect, but he also seems to care deeply about Mikoto, saying he will save him, that he'll do whatever he can to protect him and asking him to rely on him. I'm not entirely convinced that he's saying these things out of genuine concern but instead out of a need to have a purpose but still! We're not given a reason as to why killing is going to help (yet) but I doubt he'd put himself and Mikoto in unnecessary danger and I'm certain we'll understand more soon. As for Mikoto himself, he's a designer 🤢 but he does share a body with this KING so I guess I'll have to forgive him for it
Overall, I'm pretty sure 09 is doing all this with good reason, or atleast good intentions. If murder protects these guys then so be it! ♡
Kotoko: Forgiven->?????
Her video was pretty straight forward, though I can hardly call her a vigilante anymore. How can she say she's defending the weak when she's torturing people with no knowledge of what they've done? Not that torture would be okay if she did but if she's just gonna trust the word of the only authority figure in this prison and nothing else, she's more of a cop than a vigilante. In her video she had an entire board dedicated to hunting down criminals who took advantage of innocents, spending her every minute researching, when she said she was "dedicating her life" she wasn't joking. How can she go from that to beliving the judgment of some random 15 year old in a goofy hat;; I know she bases her entire self worth of being able to bring justice so she's probably been extremely restless in Milgram but still... everyone I've seen talk about her recently has said they can't forgive her anymore, the only reason I'm not 100% unforgiven is because whatever they're gonna show in her second video has to be BIG or there's like no chance of her being forgiven.
Overall, basically unforgiven but I don't think I can make a judgement just yet, I feel something big coming...
I don't think there's any right answers in Milgram, we're really just given 2 bad options (either a character thinks murder is perfectly fine or they get tortured and think they're terrible people who deserve it) and we've gotta pick what we think is better. My opinions change constantly and definitely will as new videos come out so I'm writing them before first second trial song comes out so I can reread it later 👍if you disagree with me then feel free to debate me (please please debate me i will love you forever)
#milgram#guess who learned how to use coloured text!!!#long post#mutuals pls dont bully me for my cringe takes 😣🙏
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idk which ex ur talking about in that "insane things my ex has done" but i relate bcuz i am currently in a relationship with a gendie who has started saying recently that my aversion to male genitalia is incredibly transphobic even though she knows i have been sexually assaulted many times by men (and am and always have been a lesbian lol) (also sorry if this is inappropriate but i feel like i have no one else to confide in.)
im not sure where i talked about her but i can tell from what u said which ex i was talking about lool its my 1st gf and i never rly talked fully about this bc my ex has since transitioned (only socially tho afaik) & continued to be questionable as fuck in various ways and went from friendly w me to shit talking me bc how dare i share my opinions on my blog which she decided to keep regularly checking for years after our break up despite her having a gf and us hardly ever talking (partially bc of me bc frankly in hindsight i was far too forgiving n despite that she demonised me at the end of our relationship n was weird in various moments after we remained friends)
but she was (& is) also a gendie, which is fine bc when we were together she wasnt like irrational about it. she was the one who told me that SRS doesnt work the way i thought it did, like the genitals didnt magically change and there arent like no differences like i thought, instead she said the differences were obvious. but near the end of our relationship she insisted to me that the way to fix her issues was to make our relationship an open relationship, said that my body made her insecure about her own body n she should sleep w people with a similar body to gain confidence in it. prior to that i was not for an open relationship at all but those comments made me feel like saying no would make me selfish and that if thats what she needs to accept herself then fine yanno. then ofc not soon after she starts e-dating this trans woman who is an abusive creep & rapist (like not even exaggerating here. but ofc those accusations were dismissed for a while bc the trans woman called the woman who came out about the abuse a terf n ppl believed that until trans women also began to call this out). i was like um hows dating someone with a diff body than u and even a diff sex going to make u feel better about ur body when thats the entire reason for the open relationship? never rly got a proper answer but whatever i let it be. then that trans woman wanted to be in a throuple with us basically like wanted to get with me and my ex and would openly fantasise about me to my ex. my ex said "oh she wouldnt be into that, shes not into penises" and the trans woman was like omg why.. :( and my ex was like oh shes penis-repulsed etc and the trans woman was like aw how sad i hope she gets help for that!! n my ex agreed. then my ex told me about this n i was like... what the fuck? it took me a bit but after a few days i was like hey this comment really pissed me off wtf do u mean gets help for that.. and my ex was saying that i should seek therapy to stop being penis-repulsed and should see trans women as women and be open to trans women in a romantic & sexual way basically and i was clearly upset by that n i was like. ur telling me to seek conversion therapy. n she was like nooo and i was like what so u mean some kind of exposure therapy against the "phobia" of penises? and she was like yeah just like that! n i said... thats literally a form of conversion therapy that was done in the past to other gay ppl.. exposing gay ppl to the opposite sex's genitals to try to change their feelings towards it is literally a conversion therapy tactic.
anyways my ex n i ultimately broke up bc it turned out the open relationship was meant to be one-sided somehow and her doing things was ok but if i did things it made me a cheater somehow and my comfort was repeatedly disregarded, i didnt like that trans woman at all at that point n my ex would still keep dating them n it was just all too many bad things at once so i was like fuck it im done w this. ultimately my ex realised that this trans woman is indeed an abuser and i also realised the my 2nd gf who i got with soon after i broke up w my ex is also an abuser. but then when my ex began to transition she started to show more of that homophobia she showed during our relationship like saying the f-slur (calling ppl that) and saying its ok bc "im a bisexual man" which was just.........erm... anyways in the end our last form of communication was her getting her friends to gang up on me for ~ruining the fun~ of a game of among us and then she talked shit about me to one of my close friends (been friends for 14 years) who she never even met and was like ~omg shes so problematic im sorry i just cant handle it anymore~ ......
anyways i feel u lmao. its not inappropriate dont worry and im sorry u went thru that too bc its painful to love someone as they are and yet they basically tell u that ur lesbianism means something is wrong w u bc ur truly not into males at all. honestly i think its best for u to end it asap instead of making the mistake i did, nothing good came out of it for me and i shouldve left for good at the first red flag which was my ex's compulsive lying about serious issues like rape & fgm, or immediately ended it when she was saying that i should go thru conversion therapy otherwise im transphobic
#i say she here for clarity's sake btw bc its kinda confusing switching pronouns esp when people on here already assume im secretly into men#if i said he ppl would def jump to conclusions the way they always do about me
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