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#like being alive is so hard and i’m exhausted
kaeyaphile · 1 year
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does anyone else ever just lay in bed and cry for an hour straight because you’re just so fucking tired of being alive and pretending everything is okay when it most definitely isn’t and you’re not sure what you’re supposed to do or how you’re supposed to go on or is that just me right now
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ofkaiten · 2 years
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pearl-blue-musings · 3 months
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…y’all im so tired
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chuluoyi · 6 months
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soft gojo meeting his newborn hc, pleaaasee??
࿐ ࿔ 🕰️ 「 11:10 P.M 」
soft dad!gojo drove me to have another baby fever for the ntn time. you just have to put this idea in my head don’t you dear anon~
a part of gojo's love entries
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the thing was so tiny, precious and squishy. it fit right in his hands, so red and fragile, almost like a toy—
only it was not. it was a real, living baby. his son, partly made by his own flesh and blood—his to protect.
“hello to you, my little minion,” satoru whispered to his newborn, wonderstruck by the sight of this small but clearly alive being. his eyes glazed, his fingers delicately tracing the baby's face, body, and tiny feet. “i’m your dad, yeah?”
his own soft voice sounded foreign to him. but at this moment, as he was utterly mesmerized by the sight of little human that just came out of you, his beloved wife, he couldn’t care less.
he had always imagined how his brat would look like. he even joked with you about how he’d get his good looks—and heck, the gods did hear him and this baby in his arms was the most handsome baby he had ever seen, blessed with his white hair and softest skin, as well as the rosiest cheeks.
his only dismay was that he also inherited the bluest of eyes, the curse in his family line.
well, but that’s a problem for another day.
he settled his newborn into the hospital's nursery crib, and nudged his pudgy cheeks once again. not even half a day had passed since he was born, and gojo satoru had developed a severe cuteness aggression for his son. he swore he’d spoil him rotten, shower him love he never truly experienced from his own parents, and of course, keep him safe.
with his heart full, he left the baby as he slept, and went back to your room.
in the very same predicament as your baby, you were still fast asleep. you were visibly exhausted, your hair was a tangled mess, and there was a line of dried blood along your lips—caused by accidentally biting them too hard earlier, during your labor pains.
even in the state of disarray, satoru still thought you looked ethereal, too good for him.
he ran his fingers through your hair, smoothing them, and he regretted it when your face scrunched up and your eyes fluttered open. “…hmm? satoru?”
“hey, sweets. how are you feeling?”
“i still feel like being split into two… but yeah, i’ll manage.”
“shush, of course. you feel that way often, each time when i—”
“don’t,” you warned, glaring at him. “i just birthed your heir, gojo satoru. don’t even start.”
satoru burst into a laugh so hearty and he realized he truly loved this dynamics with you. and that he was grateful for you.
he wanted to thank you for all that you had done for him. for returning his feelings. for marrying him. for going through that pain to bring his son to the world—
and most of all, for still being here. for staying alive to live another day with him.
“i saw him just now. our baby is perfect.”
“really? i want to meet him too…”
“soon, sweetheart... when you’re a little better, i’ll take you to him.”
but he wasn’t the best with words. and so even if he were to pour his heart out, everything would be condensed into this one sentence.
you were excited at the prospect of meeting your baby, when suddenly satoru leaned in to plant a kiss on your forehead.
“i love you so damn much… you know?”
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agenttexsflippedshit · 10 months
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Remember when you could do readmore on mobile? OTL
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fuitygummy · 1 year
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having no reason to live really sucks because what am I struggling for?
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steddieas-shegoes · 1 year
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Wayne first saw Steve Harrington when he was on a class field trip to the plant. He couldn’t have been older than 9. Eddie hadn’t come to live with him yet.
He only saw him for a minute, but it only took a minute to see that the boy had dark circles under his eyes that rivaled his own.
It took him a while to forget about the exhausted child in front of him and how much he reminded him of his nephew.
*****
He attended one of the Hawkins High basketball games during Eddie’s first senior year, took the night off for it, even. Eddie was never one for sports, so the fact he agreed to play with his band during their halftime was something Wayne couldn’t pass up watching. It had to have meant something to his boy for him to even mention it, so he played the part of proud parent and sat through the first half of the game.
But when he saw Steve Harrington out there, he couldn’t help but check for those dark circles or the same exhausted slump he saw in a child much too young to show physical signs of exhaustion.
He appeared to be fine, though Wayne couldn’t help but notice how he kept searching the stands for something or someone during every pause in the game.
Wayne had a gut feeling he knew who he was searching for, and an even stronger one that he wouldn’t find them.
After the game and the show, Wayne helped Eddie pack his guitar and amp into the back of the van.
“Hey, you ever talk to that Harrington boy?”
Eddie’s face was answer enough.
*****
To know Eddie was alive wasn’t enough for Wayne, he needed to watch him breathing, watch his fingers twitch while he slept. He needed to know that Eddie was real, was safe, was right in front of him.
But apparently Steve Harrington needed the same reassurances.
Steve had been by Eddie’s side since they let visitors into the room. As far as Wayne knew, he’d only left once for an hour to visit that Max girl’s room.
He was hesitant to say anything beyond kind greetings and goodbyes when he had to head to work. Steve looked one second away from breaking down.
He held Eddie’s hand like it was a lifeline, and maybe it was for him. Whatever they’d been through was serious, proof of that being the injuries they both were dealing with and the fact that Eddie hadn’t opened his eyes yet.
As much as Wayne wanted explanations, he wanted Steve to find comfort in being with Eddie more.
The dark circles under his eyes remained.
Wayne watched the way Steve would stare at Eddie, wordlessly begging him to open his eyes, and wondered what had changed between them. Was it just the trauma of the situation or something else?
He’d known Eddie liked boys for years; hard to hide when you get caught sneaking out of the house to go to a “special” bar in Indianapolis on a school night. He hugged him, told him he loved him no matter what, and offered to drive him out there himself the next weekend he had off if he promised to not go alone on a school night.
But Steve didn’t seem the type. Wayne had learned how to spot them, mostly so he could protect Eddie, and Steve had never seemed like he’d strayed or even thought about straying from girls.
He shouldn’t assume, though.
He knew how Richard Harrington was.
So he sat silently, guarding the two boys who needed it most.
On the sixth day, Wayne asked a nurse if Steve had left the hospital at all.
“No. Poor boy’s been glued to his side. The doctor had to stitch him up in the room because he wouldn’t leave.”
“Stitch him up?”
“Oh, yes! He had a large wound on his side and his chest had a few areas that needed stitches. He wouldn’t let anyone bandage his neck, but they prescribed him penicillin to try to prevent infection.”
Wayne shook his head. So Steve was a self-sacrificing idiot. Time to address that.
“Thanks, Janet. I owe ya a coffee for takin’ such good care of Eddie.”
Janet blushed. “Stop it! I’m just doing my job.”
Wayne smiled at her before making his way into Eddie’s room.
As usual, Steve was in a chair by his bed, hand in hand with Eddie.
The unusual part was that Steve was fast asleep, head nestled against Eddie’s leg.
It couldn’t be comfortable, but going off of how Steve had looked the day before, he was probably too tired to care about comfort.
Wayne looked at the scene in front of him.
Something else was different, too.
Eddie’d moved.
Only someone who’s been in this room for hours on end every day would have noticed it. Eddie’s head was turned towards Steve, and his other hand had found it’s way to Steve’s hair.
Oh.
So it was like that.
Wayne let out a shaky breath, too many emotions trying to escape at once. His boy had woken up, and had found comfort in someone who hadn’t left his side for almost a week. He couldn’t ask for more.
He slowly made his way out of the room, catching Janet just as she was passing to check on another patient.
“Did Eddie wake up?”
Janet’s eyebrows furrowed. “No, Steve hasn’t come to get us. Why? Is everything alright?”
Wayne nodded. “Everything’s fine.”
She smiled at him and continued on her way.
Wayne smiled to himself as he made his way down to the cafeteria to get Steve some food.
It looked like Steve Harrington was finally getting some rest.
Supportive Uncle Wayne Series Part 2
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yeagerfate · 11 months
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big spoon or little spoon?
characters: miles morales (earth-1610), miguel o’hara, hobie brown, gwen stacy, pavitr prabhakar
warnings: none lol
notes: i didn’t proofread this because i’m exhausted from a bunch of irl stuff, so i’ll come check this out later and see if i need to fix anything. don’t really like how this went at all but i need something to post so oh well <3 might delete this later kinda depends. also i got my first writing request which i am very excited about hehe
Honestly, it all really depends on Miles’ mood. If he’s had a good day, then he’ll definitely be spooning you. However, if something went wrong, he will be seeking your comfort and attention. One of your most memorable moments with Miles’ was spooning him for the first time. He’d completely flunked an exam because he was out on a really dangerous mission the night before. In shambles, Miles had told you that he hadn’t slept at all and fell asleep during the test. He was really nervous to tell his parents about it because he didn’t know what his excuse would be. The last thing he wanted was for them to think he was out at some party, or just being irresponsible. He slept like a baby after you consoled him, his head resting on your chest as you ran your hand up and down his back with the other holding his head. Although it was a bittersweet moment, you enjoyed it, and the way Miles had drooled in his sleep had you trying not to wake him up from your sweet giggling.
Miguel’s in denial, but he’s a little spoon. The feeling of your hands running through his wavy hair at the end of a stressful day at work is something he’s grown addicted to. He’s a bit ashamed of it, as he thinks he should be the one holding you, but you quickly snap him out of it. Miguel finds solace in your arms, and for a couple hours it’s nice to forget about all of the emotional turmoil from work. Though, if you ever ask for it, Miguel will absolutely hold you. Sometimes, it’s nice to feel your head resting on his muscular chest and your warmth on him. In the mornings, it’s especially hard for Miguel to get up. Your arms are just so comfy and snug, and he feels like he’s at home when he’s with you. Lyla makes fun of him for it, calling him a “simp” (he doesn’t know what it means), but he doesn’t care. The way your face lights up when you feel his toned arms wrapped tightly around your face is something he’d never want to give up.
Hobie is a big spoon. He’s not big into snuggling, as he likes his personal space, but once you get into it, you get into it. (He is very affectionate with the people he cares about, though!) He’s found that the most comfortable position would be with your back against his chest and his arm wrapped around your stomach, his face hidden in your neck sweetly. It can get a little irritating, since Hobie is a big snorer. He also has a warmer body temperature, so in the summer, you’ll have to resolve to holding each other’s hands. It’s both endearing and frustrating, but it’s for Hobie, and that makes it worth it. During cuddling, the bonnet he wears tickles your neck. It’s hard to hold in the automatic laugh you have from it because he’s trying to sleep. Cuddling with Hobie is messy, fun, and enjoyable. It’s just so… Hobie.
Gwen, despite her average height, is a big spoon. She likes the feeling of being able to just hold and protect you. Gwen has lost so much, and so she feels she has to make sure you’re safe at all times. One of the way she does this is by holding you close to her her neck, your head resting on her shoulder as she runs her hands down your back. It doesn’t matter how tall you are. Even if you’re a foot taller than her, you’ll still be held by her. However, Gwen occasionally has nightmares, and so when she wakes up she’d like to be embraced by you. When she has her head pressed against you chest, and she can hear the sound of your heartbeat, it really makes her feel better. It reassures her panicking brain that you’re alive, you’re here, and you’re fine. It’s a soothing feeling, one that’s hard to describe. All she knows is that she really treasures it.
Pavitr is very enthusiastic about all types of physical affection, and that includes cuddling. He is a big spoon, though he doesn’t mind trading places at all. While you’re cuddling, he loves to tell you about how his day went. If you know that he’s spider-man, he’ll tell you all about the adventures he went on with his friends. Sometimes, he’ll even rant about Miguel, which is very amusing. However, if you don’t know that he’s spider-man, Pavitr will take a much different approach. Instead, he’ll ask you to tell him about your day. He asks you if you saw anything you liked at the stores nearby, or if you tried any new food. He likes to take note of these revelations because they make for great gifts. Pavitr is a very talkative cuddler, but on tiring days, he’ll be out like a light after 5 minutes. It all depends on how his day went.
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On David Tennant and Aging
So, I’ve seen a lot of posts in response to Tumblr users’ habit of affectionately calling their favorite middle aged dudes “old men”, David Tennant in particular, saying things like “clearly you’ve never met an actual old person”, “omg you talk about these guys like they’re 80”, “please be normal about people aging”, etc. And on one hand, all of these statements are objectively right and true! But as someone who’s always been really fascinated by and found a lot of beauty in getting older (which I’ve explored in some of my writing on A03 because nobody else is going to do it for me), I’d like to provide a bit more nuance on how I think this label applies to David in particular.
David, obviously, in literal terms, is not “old”, at least not to me- I don’t personally consider people old until they get past 60. 52 is middle aged, simple as that. And yet, when I see David stuck with the “old man” label, it still somehow feels weirdly right, for a number of reasons.
It annoys me so much when people say David “hasn’t aged a day since Doctor Who”, because, well…
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He clearly has. A lot. He’s got forehead creases, deep crows’ feet and eyebags, and I think that post-Fourteen we’re gonna see him rocking the grey temples a LOT more. He also has the voice of an older man now, his upper range is still there but the default is much more deep and rich, with a gravelly, rumbling quality that just goes straight through you. I personally think Broadchurch was when David finally started to embrace looking his age- Alec Hardy just wouldn’t have been served by Ten’s fresh-faced boyishness.
Obviously, these are the kinds of changes you’d expect any 52-year-old man to have, but something about David just makes it all seem a bit more… intense? The expressiveness of his face combined with his almost gaunt frame makes his wrinkles very prominent, and when he works his voice to its emotional extremes, his lower register can sound positively ancient, to devastating effect.
David, I think, is someone with an old soul- I don’t think he could be as good as he is at playing ancient characters like Crowley and The Doctor if he weren’t. He has lived so many lives, given so much of himself to so many characters, often incredibly tragic ones, and I think it wears on him. David also has five kids. FIVE. Do you know how exhausting it is to be one of the hardest working actors alive and be a present, loving father to even ONE child? But David somehow does it anyway! Nowadays I see him and my heart breaks because he looks so tired, so weary and fragile. But he’s all the more beautiful for it to me because I know that that is because he is kind. He’s a deeply empathetic person who feels and lives to the absolute fullest, and that story is written so clearly on his face, along with every other story he has ever been a part of.
There’s other things about David that make the label endearingly fitting- his utter hopelessness when it comes to technology, for instance. And he’s just got that warm, wise, grandpa energy too sometimes- look at that above Fourteen picture and tell me I’m wrong!
I once showed my friend who’d only seen David in Doctor Who and Harry Potter a picture of David from Around The World in 80 Days. It was a particularly emotional scene, and his face had just the most beautiful expression of compassion and sadness, every wrinkle on full display. And she said, in a less than complimentary fashion, “he looks so old!” Which, of course, offended me quite a bit at first. But to me, referring to David as old almost feels like a badge of honor, something he’s earned by living fully and selflessly, working hard and being wise and compassionate beyond his years. I think David himself is secretly more than a little insecure about the fact that he’s getting older. There’s sadness behind every jovially self-depreciating remark he’s made about his age in the past year, particularly in comparing himself to Ncuti Gatwa. I know how much David struggles with his impostor syndrome and how people perceive him, and I can clearly see in his eyes the fear of being discarded, the anxiety he feels about if he’ll still be as loved as he was back in 2007 now that he’s closer in age to King Lear than he is to Romeo. So I hope David knows it’s a privilege to watch him grow older, to watch his soul and talents deepen with the crinkles around his eyes. If I, in my silly goofy tumblr girl-ness, call David Tennant an old man, it’s because it’s a label that suits him beautifully- even if it isn’t TECHNICALLY an accurate one yet.
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aestheticaltcow · 2 months
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The Aftermath
Part 3 of Six Months universe
Part 1: Six Months Part 2: The Night When It Went Wrong
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MDNI 18+
You groaned as you stretched, trying to crack your back. You’d been cleaning all afternoon, Carmy was still MIA, and this was the one thing you knew would distract you enough not to storm into The Bear demanding to know where your husband had been last night. You hopped up on the counter and grabbed your phone from the charger. A knot formed in the back of your throat when you saw a text from Carmy displayed on your lock screen.
Sorry about last night, baby.
On my way home.
“Okay. Fuck you, Carmy. At least you’re alive.” you mumbled to yourself before hopping down from the counter and going down the hallway to your bedroom. You knew the two of you would have a screaming match when he got home; you rolled your eyes at the thought. He was usually predictable; this running away from home debacle threw you for a loop. Since the fighting was inevitable, you opted to take care of yourself a little bit at least, and an everything-shower seemed like the move.
Pregnancy was hard; you were in a constant state of nausea, you were exhausted, you had almost daily migraines toward the end, and, oh boy… hormones were interesting. You gained a decent amount of weight, but loved how you looked. Carrying Mia made every body insecurity you had vanish. You felt powerful as she grew in your womb, and the feelings were only amplified by the way Carmy would caress your stomach at night when he’d get home from work. He’d pepper kisses across your stomach and talk to Mia as he helped you rub shea butter in an attempt to prevent stretch marks. You laughed about it now as you stood in front of the bathroom mirror. Cellulite, stretch marks, loose skin, and a c-section scar decorated your body. All those insecurities you’d thought vanished returned as soon as you showered for the first time post-partum. You didn’t want anyone to see you, especially Carmy. 
You’d always been so secure in your relationship with Carmy. Something ignited within you when you saw him sitting at the bar by himself the night the two of you met. He was sexy and aloof. You had turned to your friend and told her, ‘I’m gonna marry that guy,’ and cocked your head in Carmy’s direction. She gave you a nod of approval, and you were off. He was shy and confused about why the prettiest girl in the bar would want to talk to some loner drinking a ginger ale instead of one of the guys coming up to her throughout the night. After months of casual hookups or late-night lounging around his apartment, Carmy found the courage to take you out on an actual date. After that, you declared he was your boyfriend. He admitted to being in love with you and was overjoyed when you returned the sentiment. Carmy was your knight in shining armor. You knew he was in your corner if you ever had a problem or needed to talk about something. It was you and him against the world, and it only amplified when he proposed to you. The two of you had a small wedding on the beach and decided to travel for a few months. When the two of you started dating, Carmy recounted tales from his time in culinary school- you were shocked that the man had lived in Frances for years but hadn’t explored the city beyond his campus or the restaurants he worked at. Exploring Europe together felt like a dream; it was everything you’d wanted to do with him. The two of you hadn’t planned on having kids, but after a couple of years of living as a married couple and buying your home, it felt like a natural progression to just ‘see what would happen’ if you got off of your birth control.
Now you stood in the shower while your mother took care of your baby and your bitch of a husband hid at work. You sighed and exited the shower, wrapping your hair in a towel and tying your bathrobe at the waist. You checked your phone to see no new messages from Carmy and that Natalie had left you on read.
As you blow-dried your hair, you couldn’t shake the thoughts of Carmy doing something dumb last night. You knew he’d never cheat on you, but the curiosity about where he’d gone was killing you. You took your time blowing out your hair and doing your skincare routine. As you brushed your teeth, you heard the front door open. “Hey… I’m home.” Carmy’s voice called through the house. Your stomach twisted at the sound. You took a deep breath and quickly put on deodorant before walking out of the bathroom in a pair of fresh pajamas. After contemplating jumping out the window to avoid this conversation from happening, you cautiously exited the bedroom. You went down the hallway to see Carmy washing his hands in the kitchen.
“Hey.” you grinned, rubbing your arm nervously. Carmy inhaled sharply before closing the distance between the two of you. He wrapped his arms around you tightly, feeling the stress of the day melt away as he took in the scent of your conditioner. “I’m sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have left like that,” he spoke into your hair. You sighed and hesitantly hugged him; he rubbed circles into your back and wished to go back in time and change what had happened. 
“Where were you? You’ve never done something like that before- I thought you were dead or something Carmy.” Carmy tucked your head under his chin and contemplated what he should say. He knew he’d have to come clean eventually but wanted to relish in this moment.
“I just drove around and went to work early.” he lied, hoping you’d not push it further. Natalie had ripped him a new one when he’d confessed the details of his indiscretion. She ranted about how she’d feel if Pete had treated her like that; she’d kick his ass to the curb. “You realize she’s gonna leave your ass, right? You absolutely can not sleep at my house- Carmen Anthony Berzatto, you’re no better than Dad.” before he could respond, Natalie threatened to kick his ass if he didn’t come clean to you about what happened. Carmy wanted to tell you, but being compared to his father was something he hadn’t expected Natalie to say. He didn’t know the guy that well, but he knew a little about the cheating. He didn’t have a second family or kids outside his marriage with Donna, but he saw the hurt it put her through and vowed never to be like the man. Now he stood in his kitchen holding his wife- the love of his fucking life, lying about his whereabouts from the night before. Yeah, he didn’t get past third base, but would he have gone all the way if he had gotten hard? Would you constitute this as cheating? Would you leave him and keep Mia from him? He pushed the thoughts back and pressed his nose into your hair. He took in the scent of your conditioner, just in case this was the last time.
You pulled away from the hug and nodded, “Okay. I trust you, but never do something like that again. You scared the crap out of me.” 
Carmy and you sat at the dining room table that night and talked about your insecurities postpartum and that while you were medically cleared to have sex, you were nervous about the actual act. He nodded, and you felt vindicated. You kissed his cheek and headed into the kitchen to order dinner. Carmy grinned and fished his phone out of his pocket. He deleted his text chain with Selena and quickly blocked her number before you came back to ask if he had any preferences for dinner. Carmy shook his head, “Whatever you want, baby.”
The two of you ate dinner in the living room and watched the newest cheesy romcom on Netflix. Carmy sat back and took in the moment. It was like when the two of you had started dating. You’d always had some kind of freelance video editing job or some other creative endeavor that gave you a good amount of flexibility in your schedule. No matter how late he’d get off, you were always down to come over, watch a movie, eat takeout, or whatever new recipe he was trying to perfect. You explained that quality time was your main language, so as long as you were together, you were happy doing whatever with him. 
As the movie continued, you’d put your head on Carmy’s chest and held onto his waist. He had an arm around your shoulder- he stunk of his usual kitchen smells and smoke, but there was another scent you couldn’t quite place. “I should probably shower if you wanna cuddle, baby.” he laughed as you pushed a hand under the hem of his T-shirt. Carmy had long forgotten about the hickey that decorated his collarbone. You hummed in disagreement, “Your BO is comforting Carm…” 
Carmy laughed and kissed the top of your head. Carmy tapped your shoulder as the movie ended, signaling he wanted to get off the couch: “I need a shower, baby.” He shifted in his seat, and you looked up at him. “Kiss me?” you asked, looking up at him through your lashes. Carmy swallowed and hurriedly nodded as he gently placed his lips on yours. You smiled into the kiss as the taste of tobacco and spearmint flooded your tastebuds. You removed your hand from under Carmy’s shirt and put it on his cheek. Carmy wasn’t sure where to put his hands. This felt like a 180 from the previous day, confusing and excited him.
You threw a leg over Carmy’s hips to straddle him as the kiss turned more passionate. Carmy’s hands found your hips; his touch felt like electricity shooting through your body in the best way. You pulled away from the kiss, gently pulling Carmy’s bottom lip between your teeth, eliciting a deep throaty moan from him. You ran your hands down Carmy’s chest. He closed his eyes, focusing on the sensation of your nails tickling his skin through the material of his shirt. “Still need me, baby?” you asked, leaning in to kiss Carmy’s jaw. “Still need to be inside of me?” you said as you trailed kisses up his jaw toward his earlobe. You felt his cock harden beneath you as you rolled your hips against him. Carmy’s grip on your hips tightened at the sensation, “Please, baby.” he whined. You giggled at his response and slowly swirled your tongue around Carmy’s earlobe before leaning back on his thighs. Carmy leaned back into the couch. His eyes were dark with lust as you reached for the hem of your shirt, quickly discarding it. 
Carmy’s eyes widened at the sight of your bare breasts, “Fuckin’ hell, baby.” he muttered. You bit your lip as Carmy stared at you, “Can-can I-” Carmy began to stutter before you cut him off by bringing one of his hands to your chest. “Fuck.” Carmy laughed as he snaked an arm around your waist to bring you closer. You giggled as Carmy massaged your breast in his large, calloused hand, “Baby- fuck, you’re so sexy.” 
You moaned softly as Carmy gently pushed you back onto the couch before trailing delicate kisses down your stomach to the top of your pajama shorts. As eager as he was to remove them, he still felt like he was dreaming. Your eyes met and you nodded, Carmy bit his lip holding back a groan. He swiftly yanked the soft cotton material down your legs to reveal your lack of panties. He smirked as he spread your legs wider and stared down at your core like a starved animal. 
“Carmy?” you asked softly, “Do you want me to stop?” he responded, hoping you would say ‘no.’ You shook your head, “Be gentle?” you whispered. Carmy nodded, “Of course, baby. Say, stop, and I will…” 
Carmy put your legs over his shoulders and nuzzled his face between your thighs, placing delicate kisses against your folds. Your legs shook as he ran his tongue up to your clit, “Mmm,” you hummed as he took your clit between his lips. “Oooh,” you moaned as Carmy slowly pushed his index finger into your entrance. Your reaction only fueled Carmy’s desire to please you. As your juices flooded his tastebuds, you bucked your hips up against his mouth, making him moan against your clit.
“I need you,” you whined, pulling at Carmy’s hair. Reluctantly, he pulled his mouth away from your heat. “What do you need me to do, baby?” Carmy teased. You giggled as he moved to hover above your body. You pulled at the hem of his T-shirt, wanting to feel his skin against yours. 
Carmy’s body tensed. You noticed the color drain from his face, the weight of his actions from the night prior finally hitting him. “Are you okay, Carmen?” you asked as you stopped pulling at his shirt. He nodded, “Yeah-h.” 
You didn’t believe him. “You’re being weird. I don’t care that you’re gross from work. I want you.” You looked into his eyes and could sense he was hiding something from you. “I’m not being weird,” he said defensively. You shook your head, pushed up at his chest, and sat up against the arm of the couch. “You literally left last night because I didn’t want to have sex- now I want you and you’re being fuckin’ weird. Take your clothees off and fuck me.” you demanded, Carmy swallowed and sat up on the couch. He shouldn’t have let it go this far, you rolled your eyes and yanked his shirt off. 
“What the fuck is that!” you screamed when you saw the dark purple hickey decorating his collar bone, Carmy stared at you nervously. “YOU FUCKIN’ LIAR!” you screamed louder pushing yourself off the couch picking up your T-shirt from the floor. 
“Baby, I swear—I didn’t—" Carmy explained as he scrambled to his feet as you walked down the hallway toward your bedroom. Your blood boiled at the thought of Carmy fucking another woman last night while he was ‘getting air,’ “YOU’RE A FUCKING LIAR GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS HOUSE, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD CARMEN!” you screamed at the top of your lungs as you glared at him as tears started to fall from your eyes. Carmy’s face regained color and softened in reaction to your screams. 
“Y/N, it was a mistake! We didn't have sex because I couldn’t get hard-” Carmy attempted to explain the situation, and you shook your head in response. “That’s fuckin’ bullshit! Get out!” you screamed through your tears.
Carmy dropped to his knees and reached out for your hand. You slapped it away and ignored his begs to hear him out and let him explain what had happened. “No. No. I don’t want to- that’s why you wanted to fuckin’ shower so bad, right?! Didn’t want to fuck your wife with your dirty fuckin’ cock you fucking liar!” you screamed as you attempted to pull your wedding ring off of your finger. When it wouldn’t budge, you screamed in frustration and slammed the bedroom door. 
Carmy fell back and brought his knees to his chest, the weight of his actions truly hitting him when you had tried to take off your wedding ring. He really had ruined his marriage. Carmy heard your sobs through the door as he got up, “Y/N- it was a mistake. I love you. I love you so fuckin’ much-” 
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE CARMEN! I FUCKING HATE YOU!”
~
Tag List
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rainylana · 2 years
Text
“Why the hell would you say something like that?”
Eddie Munson x reader
summary: instead of the shitty ending we got, he’s gonna live in this fic. you’re welcome<3
warnings: mentions of blood and injuries, crying, trauma, major angst and fluff, language.
a/n: writing is something that is so fun and spectacular. you can create and imagine anything you please. so for me, eddie lives on! and I’m going to continue to dream and write about him! you were a hero eddie, it was your year. thank you for making my life brighter. we love you big boy❤️
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“Just promise- promise me y-you won’t lose your- yourself, okay? You have to- live. You have to live, y/n.”
“Shut up! Stop talking like that! You’re going to be fine, Eddie!”
Dustin squeezed your right hand, the slow beeping of Eddie’s bedside vitals being the only thing heard. The room was crowded, everyone slumped in seats, Steve and Robin crouched on the floor. Everyone had tears going down their faces, but you couldn’t shed any.
“We have to get him to a hospital! Dustin- Dustin help me! Steve! Where’s Steve we need him!”
Living in Hawkins was not easy, it never was. You always bounced back, though, whatever the menace that decided to curse the town that season. But this, vecna, everything. It was different this time, and not just for you. Your eyes were glued to the floor, your lips parted as you breathed. There was a feeling in your body that you didn’t understand, a heaviness in your heart.
You were completely traumatized. You’d never seen so much blood, his wounds ripped open from violet claw and teeth marks. His beautiful, shiny white teeth had been stained red. You couldn’t get his face out of your head, smiling up at you from your lap.
“I love you so- so much. You- you’re so beautiful.”
“Dustin, help me carry him! Come on, Eddie, you’re gonna be okay! Shh, it’s alright.”
Violent coughs had smacked you in the face, his mouth spewing blood that made you sob. It had all happened so fast, as cliche as it sounded. You kept replaying every moment in your head, thinking maybe, if you pinched yourself hard enough, you’d wake up from the dream you were having.
He had screamed in pain as you and dustin dragged him to the doorway to your world, and you cried and cried, apologizing profusely. But, you had been running on adrenaline, both you and Dustin, and it made carrying him easier.
No one had spoke for nearly an hour, and despite the glum faces, there was reason to celebrate. Eleven had defeated Vecna. Joyce and Hopper were back. Hopper was alive. Max was hurt with several injuries, but she would be okay. Her and Lucas would be okay. You glanced over to Mike and Eleven, where she rested her head on his shoulder. God, everyone had gotten so much older.
And despite all this happiness, Hawkins’s victory, Eleven’s victory, you couldn’t stop thinking about it.
“I’m not g-going to make it, y/n. put m-me down, you can’t carry me. dustin make her-”
“No, I’m not leaving you here, dammit! I won’t! We’re almost there, Ed’s, just hang on, honey.”
You had physically exhausted yourself with your strength, Dustin too. You gulped, your eyes going up to his bed. He looked so pale, so cold. His hair was wet and matted with his blood. The nurse had cleaned him some, but it didn’t help much. He was going to be fine, the doctor said, and it was all because you had gotten him to the hospital just in time. He was near bled out when you had arrived. But you wouldn’t believe it until you seen his opened his, his pink lips curling into a smile.
And it wasn’t like you were trying to take away the spotlight from everyone, but they hadn’t seen it, besides Dustin, who still clung tightly to your hand. They didn’t hear his screams, how terrified he looked despite his smile. Their hearts didn’t break, yours did. Eddie was still alive, yes. Your best friend, your lover, and it was the greatest gift god had ever given you, but your heart was shattered by agonizing trauma.
“You hungry?” Dustin’s voice dragged you away from your thoughts, and you blinked tiredly as you turned your head to look at him.
The poor kid was exhausted, and you seen the look on his face that yours held. No one else’s had it, just you two. You shook your head. Eating was the last thing you wanted. “No.” You whispered.
“Me neither.” He sighed, looking at his friends. “You think Eddie will need anything from the trailer?” He spoke to everyone, gaining their attention. “I mean, he’s going to be here for a while.”
“I could go,” Nancy spoke up, her bushy hair wild and bright with crimson colors. “What should I bring, y/n?”
The attention was on you then, and you pushed out a squeaky breath. “I, uh-” You looked over at Eddie, your sweet, sweet boy. You blinked tiredly, a lump building in your throat.
Dustin’s eyes bore into yours, and he patted your knee, letting go. “I’ll go with you, Nance. I know what he’ll want.”
It wasn’t till a half hour later, did Eddie make his sign of life. The room was dead quiet, and you heard it, that little whine that was undeniably his. Everyone’s eyes snapped up to him, and you sat up, your breath in your throat.
“Eddie?” Mike shot up, going to his side. “Eddie, can you hear us? It’s me, Mike!”
You stopped breathing, your fingers squeezing the arm wrests as everyone watched with anticipation. Another groan, a twitch of his arm, and then- “Wheeler?”
Everyone cheered at the sound of his cracked, hoarse voice, going to his side. You watched as his eyes peeled open, those beautiful brown eyes that you loved so much. You seen how quickly life replenished in his face, the color already coming back to him, and Steve helped him in a comfortable sitting position.
But you couldn’t get up and run to him. You couldn’t cheer along like they did. You felt like fainting, truthfully. Your face contorted into tears, your body hunching over as your hands covered your face, your elbows resting on your knees. The relief you felt was too overwhelming for you to do anything else, so you just sat there and cried.
“Where is she? My girl?” Eddie beamed, looking up at everyone’s faces. “Y/n, is she here-" He was interrupted by a sob, your sob, and everyone quickly followed the sound. He cocked his head to see around everyone, and then, he saw you. You were in the corner of the room, your hands covering your face, and you were unapologetically sobbing to yourself.
His bright eyes creased at your figure, and he awkwardly tried to set up, biting his lip as a sharp pain went through his stomach. Robin was the first to read the room, and she softly patted Steve’s shoulder, and the quietly ushered everyone out of the room.
“Y/n?” He smiled softly, his voice full of love. He wanted to see your face so badly. You kept crying though, steadily in your hands as you listened to his voice.
“You gonna look at me, sweetheart?”
You sniffled loudly, your hands shaking as you peeled them away from your face. His eyes softened even more at you. You looked at the ground for a few more seconds, and then you batted your eyes up to him. Your heart soared at his beautiful face.
“Hey, you,” He said playfully, tilting his head. He wasn’t clueless to realize you were crying tears of joy, even though there was much more to it.
You could only look at him, your chest heaving as tears fell down your face. You felt on the verge of a panic attack.
“You know,” He raised his brows. “If you really wanted me gone, you could of pulled the plug.” He chuckled, teasing as he nodded to the electrical wires around him.
You choked on a sob, turning to face the window as you shook your head. “Why the hell would you say something like that?”
His smile dropped at the sound of your voice. It wasn’t just tears of joy, you sounded legitimately upset. Your voice was about as hoarse and cracked as his was, and he noticed the tear tracks that fell down your neck. “Sorry, I shouldn’t of said that.” He licked his lips, frowning when you didn’t look any better. “Hey- hey, honey, come here.” He rushed smoothly, wincing as he sat up.
You obeyed blindly, sniffling and whimpering as you shuffled to his bed. You stilled right beside him, and he looked up at you. “You can touch me, you know,” He said slowly, acting as if you were a baby deer. “I won’t disappear, kiddo,” He chuckled, reaching out to brush his hand against your arm.
The touch was enough to melt you. You nearly fell atop of him, your face burying itself in his chest, your arms wrapping around his shoulders, knees smacking against the floor.
“Whoa, hey,” He wrapped his arms around you. “It’s okay, I’m here, baby.” His muscles aches and spasmed at the weight of you, but he held you tightly anyways. You cried into his chest, your hands fisting his shirt. You reached up and grasped his face, sobbing as your eyes locked into his.
“God,” You cried, resting your face against his. “Oh, god, Eddie.”
“I’m alright, y/n,” He grabbed your chin. “Calm down, take a breath. I’m fine.” It was alarming how much you were crying, how upset you were.
His other hand softly petted the back of your head, his thumbs circling your cheek. “I’m alright.” He pressed a soft kiss against your lips, drinking in your whimpers.
“I’m guessing you missed me then?” He chuckled, closing his eyes.
“I want us to leave, Eddie.” You sniffled, grabbing his face, whimpering at his features. He was still alive, you told yourself. “I can’t- we can’t stay here, Eddie, please. Please-”
“Woah, woah, what?” He sat up, looking up at you. “What are you talking-”
“I can’t.” You sobbed, your voice cracking heavily. Your hand clasped over his heart, shaking your head. “No more, Eddie. We can’t keep- I don’t want to live here anymore! It’s too dangerous, and I can’t-”
He looked at you with wide eyes, his hands resting on your arms. “Y/n,”
“I can’t live without you.” You said more quietly, voice coated with traumatized tears. “Eddie, I was so scared. I still- I’m still scared, I don’t wanna l-loose you! Please, tell me we can go! Please,”
“Okay, okay, shh,” He grabbed your face. “Calm down, shh, it’s alright.” He pulled you close, holding you as tight as he could. He realized know just how traumatized you were. Really, he had trouble remembering all about what happened. He remembered the pain, and the sound of both your screams. He remembered how stubborn you were as you dragged him through the upside down with Henderson. “Y/n, I’m alright, you hear me? I’m here, you’re here. We’re alive, sweetheart. We’re okay.”
You sobbed into his chest, your hand resting at the back of his neck. “Don’t ever leave me.” You cried. “Swear it. Swear you won’t leave me again.”
Despite all of this, he’d never felt more confident. Finally, in his life, he didn’t run. Sure, he got torn up in shreds, but he didn’t run. He was a hero, and it was his year. You made it his year. “I swear it.”
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Text
Workaholics Anonymous 
Science Major: Man, I sure wish I had time to enjoy college but I have so much studying and homework to do. At least I'll get an easy high paying job after, right?
Physicist: I think I have a pretty good work life balance (does not, actually) and I think my grad students should have the same work life balance (which is not having that)
Astronomer: I work *about 40 hour weeks, but sometimes there are hours are in the middle of the night 'cause, y'know, stars. But who needs a consistent sleep schedule, really? Not me. I got Redbull.
Geologist: Sometimes I get to spend 15 hours a day wandering through the desert in severe weather conditions looking for cool rocks! also I have to like survey the land or whatever so I can get money
Chemist: Oh, you know, my PI only lets me see my family at night for dinner, then I have to come back and sleep in the lab, but overall I’d say I’m not too stressed.
Physician: Well, I had to work really hard, so why shouldn't everyone else have to work even harder? I'm sure the patients could only benefit from everyone being sleep deprived.
Biologist: I work so much I don’t even remember the last time I wasn’t working.
Science Major: huh?
Biologist: I MUST OBSERVE THE CRAB AT ALL TIMES. I OBSERVE THE CRAB EVEN AS WE SPEAK. IF I DO NOT PUBLISH 60 PAPERS ON CRAB BEHAVIOR BY NEXT YEAR MY COLLEAGUES WILL SENSE MY WEAKNESS AND DEVOUR ME ALIVE, LIKE A PACK OF STARVING CRABS
Computer Scientist: Um… I work from home for at most 8 hours a day then play video games
Biologist: *licks lips*
Computer Scientist (Game Dev): I would murder you if I wasn't so... oh there I go- *passes out from exhaustion (hasn't slept or touched grass in five years)*
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mockerycrow · 6 months
Note
super big congratulations on 4k!! you deserve it <3
i was wondering if you could write a gn! reader x price with the prompt "Hey, it's okay, I got you. You're alright, you're okay." it doesn't matter if it's platonic or romantic; whatever feels best for you!!
Thank you so much and congratulations!
YOU’RE ALIVE (Price x GN!Reader) — 4K CELEBRATION
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[WARNINGS; Car accident, implied situationship w/ Price, moderate injuries, flashbacks, near panic attack, open ending.]
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YOU DON’T REMEMBER the events that lead up to you in a hospital bed, a cast fitted around your arm, a brace on your knee, a bandage around your skull, and only God knows how many stitches and bandages in random assortments. You can’t forget the numeral wires and tubes attached to you, too. Oh, and the ear-bleeding beeping. John sits next to you in a chair—he’s your… friend, of sorts. You aren’t really sure what to call what you two have going on.
You look at him, slumped in the visitors chair he’s pulled up beside your bed, his arms crossed and his legs spread; his neck is bent at an awkward angle and you know it’s going to ache whenever he awakens. John looks quite tired—he’s looked tired and stressed the entire time he’s been in the hospital room with you. Stressing over you, like a worried hu—…. you shouldn’t think about that. Suddenly the ceiling looks far more appealing to stare at, rather than the beautiful gentleman who is willingly staying at your bedside, despite your exhausted attempts to have him get some proper rest.
You glance over at him—envious of how he’s able to sleep right now. Hm. Honestly, you know John would be awake with you if he had the energy. The only reason why you’re awake is your stitches itch, and the only reason why he’s asleep is because you did not wake up for four days after you passed out at the scene of a car accident you were apparently in; an accident you don’t remember too well. You barely even remember what you had for breakfast that morning; cereal of some kind, maybe? Eggs? You don’t know.
“You were on the way to work, love.” You remember John telling you. You remember the tense expression, the firmness of his eyebrows. The frown of his lip, the way he amusingly resembled a quokka in the moment. You were also apparently on the phone with John at the same time, so whatever happened, he heard all of it. The details from your own memory are fuzzy—your doctors concluded your amnesia is temporary, so they gave you the choice of remembering it yourself or having them tell you. You opted in for the first option.
It was coming back to you in bits and pieces. Small moments where you feel the hairs on the back of your neck standing up, you think you hear glass shattering in the distance; your heart begins to race at different moments. You aren’t sure what to make of it—until now.
“I’m not excited for this meeting.” You whined, your eyes were glued to the road. Your phone is bluetooth connected to your car’s system so you can talk with John and have both of your hands on the wheel. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, honey. Surely it’s just about budgets like last month.” John hums through the speakers of your car. You sigh, turning on your windshield wipers as it’s pouring out, obscuring your vision a bit.
“It’s raining pretty hard, how do the roads look?” He asks, a bit of rustling coming from John’s end. He’s probably reading a book or looking out from the curtains. “I’m driving slower than normal, visibility isn’t the greatest..” You admit, letting out a breath, slowing the car down once again. “..I was sliding a bit, thinking it’s time I get some new wheels.” John hums in agreement. “Definitely. Please be safe, love.” You chuckled glancing around the road, furrowing your eyebrows when the double yellow line seems to fade. “I’m trying my best, Jo—“
You’re suddenly being jostled around violently after a big impact from your front, your seatbelt digging into your skin as something launches your car off to the side. “SHIT—“ You scream, attempting to stop the car, but the rain causes you to slide across the road. Something hits you from the back and you feel you physically feel yourself lift in your seat—and then you’re fading in and out. You wake up with wetness against your face, pain in your ribs, your arm, your skull—
You let out a choked sob as there’s ringing in your ears and your eyes refuse to focus—but you can tell you’re upside down. You see a pair of legs sprinting towards you through your broken side window, and you aren’t really register what’s happening. You blink and the person is try to pry the door open frantically. You still don’t hear them; it’s almost like a silent movie.
The door gives, the flipped car jostling from the force used to pry it open. You blink and fuck—It’s John. His eyes are wide and his jaw is tense, shaky hands. He’s grabbing the sides of your head, forcing you to keep your head still—his lips are moving but you can’t hear him. You sob and you try to reach up to touch him, and he lets you. Your eyes look at your own hand as it’s caked in your own blood, causing you to inhale shakily. This isn’t happening. The pain starts sitting you harder, a pulsing in the side of your head.
“Hey—“ John’s voice suddenly cuts through and you blink, and you’re back in the hospital room. You’re breathing hard and fast, causing your chest to ache more than it already does. His hands are cupping your cheeks like he was in the flipped car, and you let out a panicked sob; your machines make loud beeping noises in retaliation. “Hey, it’s okay, I got you. You’re alright, you’re okay..” John quickly murmurs, his thumbs gently wiping your tears away. “Focus on my voice, okay? You’re alright. You’re in the hospital, love.”
You sniffle and nod, shakily inhaling once again as you try to calm your panicked lungs and struggling heart, your good hand coming up and gently grasping his wrist. “I-I was flipped over—“ You choke out, which John quickly meets with soft shushing and a kiss between your eyebrows. “I know, honey. I know. I got you, you’re safe now.” You nod, choking out another whimper as you lean into his touch—because John’s right. He has you; you’re safe, he’s the one who got to you first. You’re sure you’ll want to ask him how he found you so fast later, but all you want to do right now and feel him and hear him. Because you’re alive.
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samkerrworshipper · 7 months
Text
lost cause | leah williamson x reader
it’s a little blurb for my hurt girlies
warnings: depression, suicidal thoughts n discussions.
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“Would you let me die?”
You looked deep into Leah’s eyes, the both of you trying your very hardest to fight back tears as her eyes shot open towards you. She flipped you over in your shared bed, switching you from your position as her little spoon so you were face to face with her.
“What?”
Leah’s words were laced with sleepiness, her body had been mere seconds away from sleep but your words had stopped her exhaustive haze, her eyes blinking furiously as they adjusted to the lack of light in the room, trying to gauge your facial expression.
“Would you let me die?”
Your words were murmured into the room, quiet that Leah was sure she stood a higher chance of hearing a mouse running across the floorboards then your words.
“What are you talking about?”
Leah’s voice waivered, trying to figure out exactly what you werte referring to.
“Would you?”
The conversation had been on your mind for days, the thoughts that had been humming steadily in your brain finally coming to surface in the moment.
“No shit I wouldn’t.”
Leah’s voice was as strong as it could be, her Milton Keynes accent coming on strong as she tried to decipher what exactly was playing in you brain at 3am in the morning that had led you to this point.
“Could you?”
Once again Leah struggled to understand the words and meaning of what you were saying. You’d had a impossible month, becoming the fifth arsenal player to be plagued with the acl disease. You’d had surgery two months ago, and revelry wise you were doing great, mentally you were struggling more than you ever had. Leah was working on it with you, trying her very hardest to keep you happy, to keep you alive. It was hard, there were days where you refused to leave bed, days where she found scars on your wrists that made her feel sick for not being there for you how she had to be.
“I just told you no.”
Leah’s voice held strong in the room, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of the two of you breathing. It had been a rough night to some extent, you were being weaned off the pain meds and it sucked, Leah was trying her hardest but she wasn’t a doctor, nor instant pain relief.
“What if I asked you to?”
Your words hung heavy in the space between you, like a weighted medicine ball falling directly between you on the bed.
It had been a thoguht that had been at the forefront of your brain for weeks, but for you, it felt like an obligation to talk to Leah about it, to prepare her for something that was very quickly beginning to feel inevitable to you.
“Why would you ask me that?l
Leah’s hand managed to travel its way down to your stomach, her fingers clutching onto your sharp stomach muscles, the lines were strong and deft, a map across your torso.
“Do you love me enough to just let me die?”
Leah looked directly into your eyes. Did she love you to death? Did she love you to your grave? It was a question that hurt Leah from the inside out. Was it selfish of her to say no, to say that it was stupid of you to leave her for the rest of her life, when you’d promised her forever.
“I know it’s selfish but-.”
“That’s a fucked up thing to say.”
Leahs voice harshly cut you off, the older woman try her hardest to stay composed as she kept her eye contact with you, it was the only glimpse she had into your thoughts, what exactly you were feeling in this moment.
“I know and I’m sorry Lee, but I had to ask.”
Leah shook her head, no you didn’t. There was a billion worlds where you never should have had to ask, to ask permission to live, to ask permission from her about whether or not she loved you enough to let you go.
“Do you want to die?”
Leah’s words struck a deep frown onto your face, like it had been plastered on with sticky tape and glue. It looked wrong on your face, nights like these were normally spent with you being the happiest you ever were, cuddled up in the arms thay you loved more than anything in the world.
“Are you planning on dying, could you?”
There was no illness, no surgery, no life threatening circumstance that could lead to the end of your life, so it was either planned or paranoia and Leah was leaning to believe it was the first one.
“Could I die?”
Her words twisted around in your brain, your heart racing furiously against Leah’s Arsenal hoodie as you tried to digest what she was saying to you, it wasn’t a meal that was agreeing with your stomach, you could feel the word vomit rising already.
“Could you love me enough to live for me?”
The rephrasing of her words made you feel even sicker, like the nausea you got after eating lactose when you definitely were not supposed to.
“You know I love you Leah.”
Leah’s brow furrowed, because yes, she knew you loved her, you reminded her at least once a day. But what about loving her made you want to die, enough to seek permission.
“So could you live for me, it might be selfish, but please.”
Leah’s words invoked an i necessary amount of uncomfortable silence that spread out like a blanket across your shared bedroom, even the dogs lying at the base of your bed seemed to understand the memo, their snores silencing for a second whilst you and Leah just stared at eachother.
“Leah, I can’t do this anymore.”
She knew that, knew that more than anyone this acl injury had been hell for you. Her once energetic and happy girl had changed, into a person that was completely unrecognisable, it hurt her heart and soul, wondering if she’d ever get her girl back, or if that version of you had died out in the pitch with your injury.
“I know your struggling bunny, but I need you to do this for me, I need you to try. If you can’t keep yourself alive then I will fight every single day for you. Suicide is not the answer for you, you have too good of a life ahead for suicide to be your last chapter.”
Leah often reflected, often prayed that maybe, for whatever reason some things were just meant to be, even when they sucked. Maybe, just maybe, life wasn’t supposed to be easy for you. Maybe you were one of the rare few who could handle tough times and still come out on the other end as a loving person. Maybe it was all falling into place because you are a strong person, you are having this experience for the good of yourself. Maybe it’s gods twisted way of loving you, pushing you through the hard times so you can see the good in life. Maybe for you, this is growth, pain is becoming the new normal. Maybe just giving your all was enough, or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe Leah made up things to make her life easier.
She reached her hands up to the loose hair strands that had fallen in front of your eyes, pushing them back behind your ears so you were forced to look at her dead on.
“How bad is it bunny, is it bad enough that you can’t just try your hardest for me?”
You bit down hard on your lip, contemplating the question silently in your head as Leah awaited your response. You stayed silent for a little while, the only sign you were still alive being your eyes blinking every once a while and your chest rising steadily.
“I’ll try.”
The words were pieces, like chunks of oranges sliced up and scattered across a chopping board, and whilst Leah didn’t exactly hear them she managed to put all the pieces together in her brain.
“I love you.”
Her words came out as one big breath. To Leah, you were as important as oxygen, without you she died as well, your contagious laugh and sparkly eyes were what got her through the rough days and nights and she couldn’t even imagine what life would look like waking up without you.
“I love you more.”
Leah smiled at you gently, coaxingly, how you’d look at a injured puppy.
“You could never.”
Leah pulled your body flush against hers, her hand coming up and under your hoodie and coming to rest on top of your heart, the feeling of your organ pumping against her was pure comfort, a luxury that she allowed herself to be granted. She exhaled deeply as she felt the feeling of your blood being pumped all over your body, to your little toes and your tiny hands.
She knew life right now sucked for you, knew just how much a acl injury made you question every single part of your life, but that didn’t matter to her, what mattered was that you weee slive, and in her arms, finding solace in her gentle touches and broad body.
You intertwined your legs with hers, wrapping her warm ones around your cold ones and slowly beginning to relax against her, as your emotional revelation began to fade from your brain, your promise to Leah breaking every single thought that had been marinating in your head.
“Go to sleep bunny, I’ve got you, nobody is harming you in my arms, even yourself.”
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queenariesofnarnia · 13 days
Text
the rescue
tech x f!jedi reader
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wc: 1,552
tech lives au, i was a tech is cx-2 believer
warnings: some spoilers if you haven't finished season 3, mentions of grief, hemlock, and brief violence
You knew this was going to be risky but it was your best shot. You stood with Crosshair doing your best to take out the assassins. Until you got distracted by a pull in the force. A familiar pull you haven’t felt since Eriadu. Collapsing to your knees at the overwhelming feeling, blasters dropped to the floor as a painful scream wracked through your body. Darkness took over your vision as a blaster bolt stuns you. 
The only feeling you can make out is him. You were too overwhelmed by grief following his fall, the day Hunter restrained you from jumping after him. From that day on you’ve beaten yourself up over not saving him. You felt like the force abandoned you that day, the pain was enough to anger you. But you put the effort into finding Omega, working through the grief was hard but you got her and Crosshair back. That’s something Tech would’ve wanted. 
“A glaring weakness in clones is their loyalty to one another. Thank you for proving my point” a voice you’ve only heard once before tonight reaches your ears as you stir awake. You try to free your hands but it doesn’t work. “Their efforts have failed. Predictably so.” Hemlock adds. 
“Sir there’s been an explosion in the central lab. It’s been destroyed” a trooper informs. 
“You failed too. Your data’s gone” Omega says. 
“But I have you” Hemlock retorts. You glance over to see Wrecker has woken up. 
“You’re forgetting one thing” her tone proud, as Wrecker breaks loose. “I have them” she adds. She runs to your side freeing your restraints then Hunters. Before Hemlock cuffs her to him and runs out. 
“Get the kid” Wrecker says before tackling an assassin through the window. Hunter picks up the electric staff one of the assassins was using. Stumbling through the small area. You notice the assassin that has been on your tail ever since Omega has come back to you going for Hunter. That’s when you feel the force pull you again. You see Crosshair aim a blaster at the assassin and it misses. As Hunter gets ready to throw the spear you force it from his hands. 
“Crosshair drop the blaster” you demand through gritted teeth. He looks at you like you’ve gone crazy. “Cross please” you plead with him. The assassin makes a move towards you. You push him back into the wall. “Go to sleep” using a mind trick on him. He collapsed against you, taking you down to the floor. 
“Why?” Hunter begins to question. You wave your hand at him instructing him to go after Omega. You free your hands from under the assassins weight reaching for his helmet. Pulling it off slowly. Auburn curls fell in his face at the removal of his helmet. Auburn curls that you recognize from the late nights of playing with them until he fell asleep. Curls that he always kept slicked back during his soldier days. You lift him up slowly, placing your hands under his arms you begin your drag him out to the shuttle. Using any strength your body had to get him there alive was your objective. Acquiring a blaster to stop anyone who got in your way. The one time you wish you brought your saber along but you knew the risk. Not many of Hemlock’s troopers stayed behind or many have already been dealt with as you trudged through the hall nearing the hangar. Hearing your name being frantically called over the coms of an unconscious trooper leaning down to pick it up. 
“I’m almost to you” you grunt out as you pull Tech’s body along trying to minimize the amount of bruises he’ll have when he wakes up. As you make way through the doors of the hangar, you see the shuttle, relief washing over you. Your body may be exhausted but you weren’t giving up. Echo runs to meet you, a look of disbelief as he sees who is in your arms. “Help me please. He’s heavier than he looks” you joke. Echo chuckles but grabs a hold of Tech’s left arm as you drag him up the boarding ramp. 
“How did you know it was him?” Echo asks as you strap him into a seat. 
“I felt him. It was like feeling his signature for the first time all over again” you explain plopping into the seat next to him. A look of sympathy flashes in Echo’s eyes. 
“Thank you for bringing him home” he says squeezing your shoulder. “Now let’s get out of here” he adds leaving you to go pilot the shuttle back to Pabu. You’re surrounded by other clones that you’ve rescued, some you’ve seen before during the war. They all greeted you with respect. A soft smile on your face as you greeted them back before telling them to try and rest. 
Once in hyperspace the rest of the batch made their way to you. Echo told them the news, and they rushed down to see for themselves. There he was asleep with you at his side. 
“She felt him” Omega quietly says. “She told me she can feel all of us in the force, regardless of the fact we’re clones. We still have a unique force signature” she adds. 
“She sent us out to make sure she was right” Crosshair tells Hunter specifically. If anyone knew you best when it came to your emotions it was him. Wrecker grins before he sits on the floor in front of you leaning back to close his eyes as well. He’s taken many hits today, and the adrenaline has finally worn off. Omega and Crosshair sit in the empty seats next to you. Omega holds your hand as she rests her head against your arm. 
“I’ll go sit with Echo for now. It’s too much to stay down here” Hunter tells them. They nod in response knowing that his senses are still extremely sensitive after Tantiss. He smiles softly before heading back to the cockpit with Echo.  
-On Pabu🌊🏝️-
A few rotations later, you were still unconscious which didn’t surprise the batch. You rarely slept since Eriadu. Tech was still unconscious as well and bound to the bed with binders. Echo got his lenses in his goggles fixed for him. Placing them on the bedside table. They each took turns rotating between your room and Tech’s. You woke up first, while Omega sat with Batcher. 
“Mom!” Omega yells throwing herself on the bed. She’s been calling you mom since the mission on Ryloth, and you cried the first time she said it. Batcher joins her, as her tail wags in excitement. Your arms wrap around her tightly as you press a kiss into her hair. Hunter enters the room his eyes meeting yours. You could feel the relief wash over him. He joins your side placing a hand on your shoulder. 
“Good to see you awake” he says with a smile. You smile back at him before letting Omega go so she can tell the others you’re awake. Your head rest against his shoulder, taking in the silence. You could tell what he was feeling without you having to communicate. 
“You’re worried about when he wakes up” you whisper. He briefly tenses before nodding. “I can help with his memory but that means I’d have to go into his mind” you tell him playing with your hands. 
“We can show him all his recordings. He’s documented everything since we were cadets” he tells you before getting up as Wrecker and Crosshair enter. A small smile is on Crosshair’s face as your eyes meet, you flash him one back. Wrecker comes over kissing the top of your head letting you know how happy he is to see you. You hear Omega and Echo yell from the next room that Tech has woken up. You spring out of bed dashing down the hall. His honey eyes meet yours, he looks confused but you slowly approach him. Despite the others protesting. You reach for his repaired goggles placing them on him. Your hands slide down his face gently cradling it. He relaxed into your touch to your surprise. You wrap him in your force signature, to make sure he stays calm. His eyes closing briefly enjoying your touch. Before that open abruptly. 
“Cyar’ika” his voice was low and hoarse. Tears fill your eyes, hearing his voice from him instead of an old recording. Your arms wrap around his neck as you begin to cry into his shoulder. Omega quickly goes over releasing him from his binders so he can wrap his arms around you. 
“Ner kar’ta” you manage to get out in between your sniffling. As you pull away he grabs you by the back of your neck pulling you in for a kiss. Pulling apart at Hunter clearing his throat. 
“Welcome back Tech” he says smirking, knowing his brother normally kept physical affection private. 
“I am glad to be back. However can anyone tell me what has happened to my ship?” Tech inquires.
“About that..” Wrecker starts, Crosshair covers his mouth before he can continue. You try to hide your laughter as Tech keeps asking about the Marauder.  No one had the heart to tell him he destroyed his own ship, at least not yet. 
🩶
Mando'a Translations: Cyar'ika: Darling
Ner Kar'ta: My heart
Tags: @bad4amficideas
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distantdarlings · 7 months
Text
THE SECONDS BEFORE // e. berkshire
RATING: R / 2.2K WORDS
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Enzo Berkshire x Reader Insert (no gender-specific details)
+ SUMMARY - Just before the infamous Battle of Hogwarts, Professor McGonagall makes the decision to keep all Slytherin students housed together in the dungeons. The night before the Battle begins, you can’t sleep. You wake a friend to keep your mind occupied. (Romance, Angst if you squint)
+ WARNINGS - Heavy kissing, language, heavy petting, implied sexual material
+ MUSIC (listened to while writing) -
My Love - Sia
-
Your eyes found the ceiling as if waiting for something to happen. Perhaps if you stared long enough, it would burst into swirls of color and light—or maybe it would fold back and reveal the stars that you so desperately wanted to see. You felt like you all had been in the dungeons for years, wasting away. Every time you looked at one of your friends, you felt as if they looked older. Like they'd aged while down here. The odd exhaustion painted bruises beneath their eyes and tore their lips.
You sighed and tapped your fingers on your stomach, attempting to entertain yourself. All of the boys were asleep and there was no way in hell you were going to be joining them anytime soon. Something about this whole situation set your teeth on edge. You weren’t sure if it was the fact that half of the people the castle was currently at extreme odds with were some of your closest friend’s parents and family or that you all weren’t allowed in the dorms, so you hadn’t changed in a day or two, or something else. But you knew you were getting tired of being here. When Professor McGonnagal had suggested using the dungeons to house the Slytherin students until they were sure you all were safe, you thought it sounded smart and would be a good way to keep everyone together and alive for a little while. And it was, it just felt off for a lot of reasons. Nobody but the house elves had been down here in two days. You wanted to know what was going on out there.
You rolled over, tucking your arm beneath your head to remain comfortable. Your eyes found the older boy that slept peacefully beside you. You wondered silently what the boy might be dreaming about and how angry he'd get if you woke him up. There was a pretty large chance considering how the boy felt about sleep, so fifty-fifty?
"Enzo," you whispered gently so as not to startle him. "Enzo, wake up."
When the dark-haired boy did not budge, you resorted to shaking him a bit, hoping the heavy sleeper would wake. You were bored out of your mind and figured that someone should share that boredom with you. If there was one thing anyone knew about Enzo Berkshire, it was that his late-night talks were a world of comfort. His deep, raspy words hit you like a truck, bruising your body. It was an odd feeling with nothing but scratchy phrases and the moon for comfort, but you loved it.
"Enzo!" you hissed, giving him a light slap. At this, the sleeping boy jolted awake. His eyes found yours quickly, giving you a look of disdain. You knew he’d be mad for waking him, but it was too late to go back now.
"Hey, what is it? Are you okay?" Enzo asked under his breath, propping his elbows up behind himself.
You were taken by surprise. You’d honestly more expected Enzo to punch you in the arm rather than ask if you were alright. It wasn't like you were complaining, it was just strange. Something about the domesticated look in his eyes when he was worried about you made your cheeks flush a bit. You’d always had a bit of a thing for Enzo, this much was obvious. Coming to terms with it was the hard part.
"No, I’m fine, Enzo," you whispered, avoiding eye contact. You were a bit embarrassed now. "I just wanted to talk to someone."
"Oh," he exhaled, a tone of relief blowing against your hair. He let his head fall back in a small stretch, his hair tickling the spot between his shoulder blades. You watched the older boy's throat stretch against his flesh and shift as he swallowed a deep breath.
"Did you have a nightmare or something?" he asked, pushing himself into a sitting position and crossing his legs.
"Actually, quite the opposite," you replied, pulling your knees up to your chest and wrapping your arms around them. "I can't sleep."
"Ah, I see," he spoke. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about—I mean, to turn your brain off? Maybe that's what’s keeping you up, your mind's running too much?"
"Maybe," you sighed. You could only bear to glance up at the older boy every once in a while. The way his brown eyes pierced into you and threatened to steal every secret from your brain . . . It was tantalizing. You let out a small huff of air, hoping that Enzo would make better conversation. The silence was deafening and you had nothing to say.
"So . . . do you think Draco and Pansy are fucking?" Enzo asked. You nearly choked.
"What?" you squeaked, your voice sounding prepubescent. Out of all the things he could have said, that was it? "Oh, um, I don't know?"
"Hmm, I didn't mean to spring that on you, I was just wondering what you thought."
"Well, I mean I suppose they could be," you shrugged. You really didn't want to talk about your friends having sex with each other.
"Yeah, I think they are—they're always hanging out with each other, you know?" he said, running a hand through his hair.
"What, friends can't hang out with each other without fucking?" you chuckled lightly.
"That’s not what I’m saying, you know what I mean," he said, pointing at you. "I know you've seen them, they're so touchy-feely with each other."
"So what if they're fucking? There’s nothing wrong with that—"
"I never said there was, I’m simply observing . . . I know what sexual tension looks like," he spoke a bit quieter. You wondered what made him add that little line onto the end. Maybe he was trying to hint at something? Or maybe you were looking too deeply into a casual conversation? It was likely the latter.
More silence ensued, creating even more tension in between you two. It soon became so thick, it was just waiting for one of you to slash it with a knife. You prayed that he would just do something, but you were almost positive he was not interested in you, like you were him. And god knows you weren’t going to make the first move, because what if he truly had no feelings for you? Your friendship would be wrecked and your self-esteem would be down the drain.
"Hey—"
"I like you,” you choked out.
"What?"
You took a deep breath and calmly repeated yourself. "I like you . . . like, a lot, Enzo."
More silence—a different kind that made your head feel all fuzzy. Your eyes were facing the ground so as to avoid him who had been shocked into submission by your words. You wanted to beat your own head in with a broom. What the fuck were you thinking? You had spent your entire life knowing Enzo, swearing you’d never tell him, not unless he said something first. And what did you do? Fucking tell him. Merlin, you were so stupid.
"Every time you sit there and joke around with Theo or Pansy, I feel like I’m suffocating. And I never knew how to tell you that, so I became desperate for your attention, figured that I was too needy, and started ignoring you. I was hoping you'd catch on but you never did, and, Merlin, Enzo, I’ve never wanted someone so fucking badly . . ." you vented, pressing your fingertips into your temples. You had started to feel a bit more confident when the words had started spewing out but now you felt like you were on a stage in front of the world and Enzo’s silence was only making it worse. Why didn't he say something? At least turn you down or punch you or something.
"You want me?" Enzo breathed, his voice cracking under the pressure of a whisper. You glanced up from your lap and looked at the older boy. His eyes were glued to his hands as he seemed to be processing some things.
"Fuck, I need you, En."
His eyes found yours. The dark-haired boy leaned forward, on hands and knees, and crawled ever so slowly over to you. His eyes were trained on yours until they slipped down to your lips. You shuddered as the boy balanced himself on his knees, towering over your small, huddled frame. He slipped his lower body between your legs and pushed the both of you back. He hovered over you, feeling your heavy breaths mix. Your eyes were dilated and half-closed, waiting for the other's touch.
"You need me?" he spoke barely above a whisper, the gravel in his voice sending shivers up the younger's spine. Your head dipped down to let your nose gently bump against his throat. He could feel your breath there, letting it tease his flesh.
"Please," you spoke, the pitch of your voice had an effect on Enzo like no other. He imagined the way his lips would feel on your skin just before he did so. You weren’t sure if the boy above you would live up to the fantasies you’d created in your mind but it seemed impossible for him not to. The boy's inexplicable scent and the way it filled your senses, his gently cracked lips and the way you’d imagine them scratching along your throat and chest. Everything about him made your heart leap into your throat.
He didn't give you a chance to take a breath before trapping your lips with his own. They were skilled and tasted like the orange soda you both had before bed. You closed your eyes at the taste and feeling of the boy over you. He was everything you could have imagined and more. The built arms that balanced on either side of your head and the way his tongue slipped against yours.
"You sure?" he whispered when your lips disconnected for a breather. You nodded, catching his breath with deep exhales.
He reconnected your lips with no regard for your border-line asthmatic symptoms. You placed a hand behind you and pushed yourself into a sitting position, gently backing him onto his knees. He captured your waistband in his hands and tugged you onto your knees as well, loosening the fabric in the process. Nimble fingers tugged on the tie of your sweatpants, lightly brushing against the core of your body. You hissed into his mouth at the feeling, your lips faltering a bit. You could feel him smirking.
He laid the two of you back down, now much more convenient that your pants were loosened. He trapped your lips again, catching the bottom one gently in his teeth. His hand traced your stomach before slipping between your flesh and the waistband of your underwear, slightly rubbing against the most sensitive part of your body. You moaned aloud at the sensation, feeling his free hand slide over your mouth to hush you up. There was a possibility the other boys and students would hear but you didn't care, all you were concerned with was Enzo’s skin moving against yours.
The black-haired boy severed his lips from yours and found comfort with the skin of your throat. The hand stuck beneath your pants and the one on your mouth never once faltered, staying astutely in place. The sounds spilling from your lips and muffled by his hand only tightened his jeans, making it a bit hard to breathe.
He pulled his hand from beneath your waistband. You struggled to catch your breath as his hips lowered down to yours. Your hips bucked up to meet his, his breath hitching in his throat, his lips faltering on your neck. It was your turn now.
You pushed your hands beneath his tee shirt and splayed your fingers against his warm back. The tips of your fingers traced down his spine, your nails catching his skin every once and a while. His lips on your throat never faltered, his tongue brushing against your skin gently.
You traced your hands down the rest of his back and curled them around his hips to the front of his sweatpants. The tips of your fingers trailed lightly over the small growth of hair just beneath the ties. His lips shuddered against your skin as your hand slowly, slowly slid between his pants and skin. His skin was hot and sharp, your fingers cold and soft. Like snow falling gently against his skin, it being like fire and melting it immediately on contact.
“Please, baby,” he begged, his lips brushing the shell of your ear with every pant he took.
The very tip of your finger brushed over his most sensitive area—a whisper of a touch. He choked out a groan into your ear, his hand tightening in your hair, pulling tightly against your scalp.
A shrill scream pierced the pair of your ears. You flinched at the sound, pushing Enzo back as quickly as you could. The two of you stared, wide-eyed and panting.
“The Death-Eaters are here—they’re outside the school grounds!” A young, terrified first-year pushed through the hallway leading into the common-room where everyone slept.
You lept to your feet. Enzo slipped a hand into yours and squeezed tightly.
“Guess we’ll have to finish this later,” he joked, his cheeks and lips still flushed. You rolled your eyes but when he looked at you, you both smiled nervously. It would be okay.
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