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samkerrworshipper · 4 months

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simce u asked for blurbs i have some ideas xxxx

leah x reader where reader gets her tongue or belly button pierced without telling leah

leah x reader where leah gets jealous of reader for having to do a media day vid with a touchy male player

awfc x reader where reader and kyra are just pranksters (cuz i loved sticker charts sm 🥹🥹🥹)

DONT FEEL PRESSURE TO DO THESE BTW! but if this helps then perfect 🥰🥰🥰

tongue twister | lw6 x reader blurb

it’s short, it’s sweet, it’s the only thing getting me out of my writers block lol

warnings: minor sexual implications and maybe some minor swearing

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It’s fairly normal routine for Leah to beeline straight towards you after any trip that includes her leaving for longer than 24 hours. Hell, the girl always seeks you out even after she’s gotten home after a two gotten home after a two hour training session but she’s always especially clingy after being on international camp.

It’s worsened significantly since her return from her acl injury, considering that for months she hardly had to leave your side.

So it’s no surprise that before Leah even takes her shoes off she’s rushing into your kitchen, her luggage bag long forgotten at the front door as she tumbled through the entrance hallway and into the kitchen.

You were seated at the island bench, typing away lazily at a work document to pass time.

Your eyes perked up as soon as the blonde entered the room, a big smile settling along your features at the sight of your rugged up Leah. It still gave you the chills that the woman standing in front of you, leah williamson, was all yours. She told you every single day that she was the lucky one in the relationship, but you couldn’t have disagreed more, leah was perfect, in every single way.

“Hiya love.”

Leah stays standing in the doorway, her eyes trained to you, a big smile splashed across her face.

“Hello Le.”

The woman closed the distance between the two of you, her tongue between her teeth as she approached.

“Missed you.”

It’s a statement, not meant for you to reply just a hanging reminder that these weeks that you spend apart are just as hard for you as it is her.

So you nod, flash her another smile before letting your eyes fall back to the bright screen in front of you.

Leah sits down on the seat beside you, her eyebrows furrowed.

“Honey.”

Her voice is slightly whiny, the voice Leah uses when she wants something that apparently should be obvious but you aren’t giving it to her for whatever reason.

“Yes, Leah?”

You look up from your screen briefly, taking in Leah’s needy face, her lips puckered directly towards you.

“Where’s my welcome home kiss?”

It was customary that whenever Leah came home you gave her a kiss, but this particular time you were a little bit tentative… for other reasons.

“Someone’s a bit needy.”

Leah reached over and pressed your laptop closed, removing the potential distraction.

“I always get a welcome home kiss… I’m waiting.”

You roll your eyes, it’s typical for Leah’s first priority to be a fucking kiss, it’s something that you’ve come to love, no matter what’s happening in either of your lives when she gets home, you always connect like this together.

“How was my day? Thanks for asking, it was great, went for a run, cooked up some food for you to meal plan this week, watched some shows, got a jumpstart on the gym plans for the team this week and hammered out a roster.”

Leah’s gives you a massive eye roll, her hand extending to the back of your neck, looking deep into your soul as her face hovers a couple of centimetres away from you.

“Baby, you know i love you, give me a kiss, please.”

It wasn’t like Leah to be so needy, you blamed it on the fact that you’d been ‘sick’ in her absence, which had her feeling especially guilty for leaving you.

“Why don’t you give me one?”

The challenge is enough to strike up Leah’s competitive nature, something you frequently take advantage of in all parts of your relationship.

Leah leant forward without any hesitation, her lips capturing yours and immediately melting against your skin. This was the part you were anxious about, but regardless you let her take dominance of the kiss, her bottom lip molding against your top one as she slowly synchronised the movement.

It didn’t take very long at all for Leah to get greedy, her tongue finding the notch between your bottom lip and top, gently prodding for an opening, something you awarded her with ease.

Leah tasted like peppermint gum and black coffee, a flavour that melted in your mouth. You were counting down the seconds, as Leah explored your mouth, curious as to how long it would take for her to notice.

4 seconds, 4 seconds of her tongue reaquanting itself with the roof of your mouth and then twisting and tangling itself with your own to discover what you knew she was bound to.

It felt like she was digging for treasure that you’d hidden.

The gasp that she breathed into you almost immediately was capturing a short little exhale of hot air directly into your mouth. Leah prodded at it twice more, checking, making sure before she disconnected herself from you, her eyebrows perched high on her forehead as she blinked a few times in surprise.

“Open your mouth.”

If you were in a more playful mood you probably would have said some kind of obscene joke, but you simply weren’t in the mood to mess around with Leah, especially with that glint in her eyes that was telling you so much and yet so little about how she was feeling.

So without much arguement at all, you opened your mind up wide, allowing Leah to examine her previously discovered treasure.

Leah took her time having a look, even daring to tilt your head back to get a better angle on your new bling.

Once she was finally done she let go of your chin, releasing you and taking a step back, so you could look at her fully.

“I’m assuming it wasn’t tonsillitis that you had then?”

You chuckled lightly, it was a good cover up if you did say so yourself, something completely believable and so simple.

“Do you not like it?”

Leah’s eyes almost bursted out of her skull, her head shaking profusely at you.

“God baby, no, I am so ready for you to show me all the ways that little thing can do, maybe i’ll get me nips done next time for some more fun.”

Leah gave you a flashy wink, a movement that had her rewarded with a big eye roll from you.

“She’s fully healed, how about we go test it out?”

Leah smirked massively, reaching for your hips and lifting you up in to her arms.

“I like your thinking.”

#woso #woso community #leah williamson #marry me rn #leah williamson x reader #golden retriever leah vibes #leah williamson is boyf #leah williamson is mother #leah williamson is mom #i love leah williamson #leah williamson imagine #woso imagine

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eimids · 3 months

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Making up SMUT

Leah Williamson x reader

They say best sex is make up sex? They are absolutely right.

I would like to say that this is pretty much pure filth besides the little plot in the start

Warnings: SMUT, FILTH :) (some anal stuff in the end, dom/sub dynamics, mommy kink whups.)

Words: around 2k

"Can you just be quiet for a while" Leah said with an annoyed tone and even more annoyed expression on her face.

The day had been long and full of frustration. The reason behind all of the frustration and snarky comments was the fact that you were moving to a new place. You would think it's romantic but no, the reality was a lot of lifting, sweating, arguing and eye rolling.

"So I can't even breath and eat now without you complaining?" You snapped back with the same attitude.

"Yeah but can you just do it more quietly?"

"What the fuck Leah, how can I breathe more quie- Or you know whatever I'm gonna make the bed" You just said and left.

There wasn't a lot of things ready in the apartment but you decided that you would not sleep on a mattress on the floor. So you decided that the bed would be the one thing that would be all ready for the nigh, it only needed the blankets and pillows, everything else was ready.

It was already 21.30 and you just wanted the long day to end, you took you sweaty clothes off and grabbed some clean pillow cases to put on the pillows. You didn't get far though, you heard the sound of your girlfriend walking closer to you.

"I don't know what has been your problem today Leah but I'm so tired of-" you started while putting the pillow case on but didn't make it till the end of the sentence because Leah turned you around and kissed you roughly. It was all very unexpected so you gasped to the kiss which led Leah to dip her tongue in your mouth. You tried to dominate the kiss but both of you knew that it would be Leah who was controlling it.

You moaned to the kiss which was a mistake.

"You are such a slutty girl, even with being all annoyed at me and back talking to me, all you need is your pussy to be filled right? So fucking needy cunt you have huh?" Leah just smirked against your lips.

You rolled your eyes and tried to turn around but Leah's grip was stronger.

"Oh so now you are rolling your eyes at me again? Answer the question baby or you won't be getting anything else but denial today" Leah continued.

"Just fuck me already" You said and tried to kiss her again.

"Oh someone is feeling bratty today? Hmm, let's see what I can do about it" She simply said before pushing you to the bed.

It was easy to take your underwear off since you already didn't have any pants on.

Leah attacked your clit immediately. It was a surprise and you were right away overwhelmed with the pleasure. Leah was sucking hard and the moans that left your mouth were sinful.

"Feeling still bratty" Leah asked while stopping with her mouth, she instead brought her fingers to your opening and easily pushed two of them in.

"Shit Leah, harder" You moaned in a desperate need of an orgasm.

"Poor baby, you think you are the one making the calls here?" Leah laughed a little before pulling out of you.

Next her mouth was sucking on your clit once again, you were close in the matter of minutes from Leah pushing you to the bed but you knew that Leah was not gonna let you that easily off the hook.

Your moaning got louder as her sucking and flicking on your clit did. She was clearly on a mission but you did not know what her goal was. You just tried to enjoy the pleasure while it lasted.

"Leah can I cum?" You asked as you neared the edge.

"Do it but I will say that you will not enjoy this one" She answered you which you didn't even really register the last part.

You crossed the line and started coming but Leah just stop the second you did. You tried to bring your own hands back to where you needed them most but Leah denied it. It was the most unpleasant orgasm you had had in your entire life.

”Leah what?” You asked out of breath.

”I told you that you were not going to like it” She said casually and walked to one of the move in boxes on the floor. There was a little back that she took out. You already knew that it was going to be a strap but to your surprise it was a strap that also went inside Leah. It was weirdly shaped but all you wanted was to have that thing inside of you.

You were tired to think already with your fuzzy brain, all the brattines was slowly gone and you were ready to be anything Leah wanted you to be just to get another orgasm. And this time an actual orgasm.

"Hmm your pussy looks so pretty for me, already open and ready to take my strap. Wanna have this inside you baby?" Leah asked and you knew you didn't even have to give an answer because Leah was going to fuck you with the strap.

"Please" You pleaded for the first time of the night. It was quiet but that was all Leah needed.

Leah got on the bed and got rid of her own bottoms, throwing them somewhere in the room. Then she situated you closer to the wall and her fingers dove to your folds. You let out a moan but just like that Leah's fingers were gone.

You look at her and saw the gorgeous image of your girlfriend using your cum as a lube for herself to get her side of the dildo in. She slowly got it inside of her and toyed with it for awhile and you just sat there amazed. You couldn't take your eyes of off the sight of your girl fucking herself while using your arousal as lube. It drove you to another kind of submissive mode, one you had never felt before. All you wanted was to please Leah.

"Do you deserve my cock?" She asked you after she was all comfortable with her side if the dildo inside her.

"Yes please, need it so badly Lee, I need you please" You begged. It wasn't what Leah expected, she thought that the brattines was still there but she was happy to find out that she had (once again) turned you into a submissive mess. She did take a notice of how your entire demeanor changed so quickly and decided to keep an extra observant eye on you.

She had you on your back while she got the tip of the dildo teasing your folds. It already made you moan and whine.

"Please mommy" You pleaded. You didn't even realize the words slipping out of your mouth, as your brain was completely fuzzy.

Leah was surprised by the words but they brought another wave of wetness to her already wet heat. "Let mommy make you feel all better" She just went with it.

She lined the dildo to your whole, brought your legs to her shoulders and thrusted her hips all the way til they met your ass.

"Fuck, fuck mommy please" You moaned in pleasure. Her hips were slowly drawing moans and whimpers out of you.

"So pretty and good for me now, where was this girl earlier today?" She asked you while quickening her moves.

" 'm sorry mommy, just needed y- "You tried to start but one harder push of Leah's hips cut the sentence.

Leah just laughed and started pounding into you. You tried to say how good it feels but it all came out as blubbering mess. Your brain was working overtime trying to handle all the pleasure it was getting.

Somehow Leah was able to flip you around easily so you were on all fours. Ass in the air and ready to more pleasure. You now realized that Leah was full of surprises that day as you felt her fingers on your asshole. It made you jump a bit but it wasn't anything you hadn't had before.

"Shit I'm gonna strech this ass open and fuck you in both of your needy holes at the same time” Leah explained as she started to prop one lubed finger inside of your tight hole.

”God please” You moaned as you felt your tighter hole being stretched open.

“No god in this room baby, just me” You could hear the smirk in her voice. The stretch in your ass was everything you needed. You could feel the burn of her finger knuckle deep and another finger making its way in.

You were in another planet as Leah was opening your ass and pussy at the same time. It was all you needed, the burn in you ass as it was streched open, your cunt was filled so good and the moment Leah brought her finger to your already sensitive clit, you were a goner.

”Shit, shit, shit, shit” You kept moaning as one of the strongest orgasms took over your body. Leah knew that she was supposed to keep denying your orgasm but was just in awe to see you come so hardly with a strap in you pussy and her fingers in your ass.

”Keep coming baby, keep coming” Leah kept prolonging your orgasm. Her fingers were tired and she was also on the edge. Seeing you squirm and moan in pleasure was all she needed to be thrown over the edge.

She kept her fast pounding going to get the most pleasure out of the whole situation. She was in heaven as she saw you completely blissed out in front of her.

”Mhmm that was good”You mumbled to the mattress.

”You don’t think we are done yet? Oh no we have still a lot more to come, do you think I have forgotten how you told me about your little crush on McCabe? She might come over to see us and bring a little gift even” Leah said while once again turning you over after she removed her fingers and toy from inside of you. You saw the smirk on her face and were scared of what was to come.

”Look baby, you have made a mess on my cock” She said as she turned your face to see the strap that was still inside her. ”I think you should have to clean it because you just came without permission”

Your brain wasn’t working and you just stared at the dildo in front of you.

”I. said. clean. it” Leah said much more sternly now. Now your brain got the hint and lowered your face to the dildo. The taste of your own cum was salty but you didn’t care. You just kept bobbing your head up and down until you were gaggin on the toy.

”Mhmm so good but I think you still need a bit more to learn your lesson so you wont be snapping to me anymore” Leah smirked and as she said that there was a knock at the door.

”Mhmm baby. Maybe you should go open the door I think there might be someone for you” Leah said and helped you up from the bed.

Your brain was now working a bit better as you walked with your wobbly legs closer to the door. You were very conscious about the fact that you did not have any clothes on. Was this all along Leah's plan? Was she making you angry and annoyed to later bring someone else to the bed?

You shyly looked at Leah as you started opening the door. Leah gave you an encouraging smile and you unlocked the door, still naked, to the sight of Katie.

"Shit Leah what have you done already, I thought we were supposed to ruin her together" Katie said to Leah when she saw you already all fucked and a post orgasm smile on your face.

"She was getting all bratty so I had to teach her a little lesson before you come over" Leah said proudly.

You stepped out of the way to make Katie some room to get inside the apartment.

When you saw a bulge in Katie's pants, you knew it was going to be a long night.

#woso community #woso fanfics #wlw post #woso x reader #leah williamson #katie mccabe #leah williamson x reader #should i do a part two #i love these girls #arsenal wfc #leah williamson x you

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cjrights · 14 days

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like yeah oooookkkkk 😂😂

#kate martin #nika mühl #leah williamson #paige bueckers #caroline harvey #uconn wbb #iowa wbb #i love girls

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loverleah · 3 months

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BYEEEEE NOBODY SPEAK TO ME IM GAGGEDDDDDDDD THEYRE SO LOVELY AND TALENTED FUCK ME SIDEWAYS

#arsenal wfc #jen beattie #leah williamson #woso x reader #woso community #lionesses #arsenal #music #i love them #so hot omg

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wi3hfulthinking · 4 months

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everyone say thank you lia

#leah williamson #arsenal women #i love this woman

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chrlvctius · 4 months

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on my knees rn

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chrlvctr · 8 months

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leahhhhh 💗💗

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outsideratheart · 7 months

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#there’s something about this photo that I love #Leah Williamson #Rafaelle Souza #Arsenal wfc #engwnt #Brazil wnt

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tobinheath · 4 months

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RESURRECTING JUST TO DIE AGAIN AKSJSJDKDBAJDIAN

#MY LIFELONG DREAM HAS BEEN FULFILLED #MY TWO WORLDS #MY SUNSHINES #LOVES OF MY LIFE #TOGETHER!!!!!!#THROW IN ALEX LIKING THE PIC #MY BLONDIES #(sorry yeah i know i’m late i had things to do)#jackie groenen #leah williamson #alex greenwood #fave

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samkerrworshipper · 7 months

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Medication - Leah Williamson

fluff, little bit of angst, anxiety attacks, mentions of depression, 3500 words

balled my eyes out to black fridays by tom odell and then this was birthed.

blurb:

your a rookie on the lionesses squad, who suffers from anxiety and when you stop taking your meds after learning you are starting a game in the euros everything goes downhill for you.

i am so sorry for how vague this was lol i’m writing this and publishing at 2:30 in the morning

I’d never liked gamedays. Everything felt different, all the feelings and emotions heightened. The pressure was insurmountable, especially when you are playing for your nation. Especially when you are one of the youngest, one of the least experienced, one of the youngsters. Today, we were playing Norway, my first game as a Lioness where I was a part of the starting line-up. It was a must win game, the stakes were high for us to win these Euro’s, especially considering it was a home euro’s for us. If we wanted to progress to the finals we couldn’t lose, the pressure was on.

I’d understood that as soon as I’d been notified that I was to start the match, understood that everything changed as soon as you were actually on the pitch. Our one point win over Austria had been great, but we were all hungrier for more, hungrier for the points that we needed to get us ahead in the competition. Sarina knew that there was an expectation for us to win, we all knew that.

I’d been feeling it all week, feeling the anxiety thrumming through my veins as we practised and went about our normal routine for the week. Something was different, it was my first year as a senior Lioness and I’d never been named as a starter. That was a big deal, a really big deal. That was all I could think about. What if I fucked it up? What if I messed up and they told me that I wasn’t going to be welcome back. What if Sarina saw me on the pitch and thought that I was worthless, useless, bad. That was all I could think about as we were standing in the tunnel getting ready to walk out. I was sandwiched in between Lucy and Beth. My hands shaking in my pockets and my breath quickening subconsciously. If I wasn’t aware of it then apparently the defender behind me was, because just as we were about to walk out I felt one of her hands fall to my shoulder, pulling me back into her just enough for her to be able to press her mouth to my ear and whisper,

“You’ve got this amore, you’re going to do perfectly fine,” Lucy’s voice was so strong, but so comforting. She was like an older sister to me, and had been since my first day at training camp. She had been the first person to believe in me besides my Arsenal teammates, the first person to really advocate for my future. She was also the first person on the Lionesses team besides Leah to learn about my struggles with anxiety, adhd and depression. She’d been a light in my life, texted me to make sure I was keeping up with my medication, or just to check in.

In the wake of the Euro’s I’d stopped taking my anxiety meds. I took Lorazepam, which worked really well for me, but it also tended to make me really drowsy and fatigued. Things that are not ideal when you are training and playing almost everyday for your country. It had positive effects, I definitely found it a lot easier to train and play my hardest, but there were a lot of negatives. Like how I was feeling right now. Like my heart was going to beat out of my chest, my hands getting clammy with sweat and shaking non stop like I’d just shot up on steroids. The sound of the crowd at Brighton didn’t help either as we walked out onto the pitch. I struggled to get through the national anthem and the pre game pleasantries, my chest and body hurting from the anxiety that was building up inside of my body.

I was grateful but also not to step out on the pitch properly. It felt like I was on a different planet, my senses overly heightened and my brain short circuiting almost everything.

I could feel Leah’s gaze on me as we all lined up to start the game, she worried about me, a lot. I was also her Arsenal teammate and she’d taken me under her wing beyond football, we’d become very close in our time spent together. I ignored her sidewards glances though, tasking myself with showing our nation that I deserved to be where I was and some jitters weren’t going to affect that.

My first half was rocky, normally with the mixture of adrenaline and endorphins my anxiety subsided when I started playing but this time I must have been too far gone, too much pent up anxiety built up for it to just fade away. It reflected in how I was playing, but our forwards had been flawless, slotting in six goals which put us in a lead that was pretty much untouchable. Clambering into the rooms at halftime was a charade. Everyone besides myself seemed ecstatic and hyped about our lead, I was on the inside but I was also wrapped up in my own bubble. I took a seat on the floor of the change rooms, taking in Serena’s speech about keeping our heads and just continuing what we were doing. I allowed Lucy to pass me a drink bottle, obliging her request for me to hydrate myself. She could tell something was up, she’d been hovering around me on the pitch, covering me. When one of the Norwegian girls had taken my feet out from under me she had immediately been at my side, pulling me up and then yelling at the umpire about how it had clearly been a foul if not a yellow. Leah had to pull her away just to ensure Lucy wouldn’t get carded herself, all whilst I stood there absolutely helpless as result of the amount of effort I was having to put into not collapsing from the amount of pain in my chest.

Leah kept it pretty brief after Serena, sticking to what she’d said and putting an emphasis on a few things before we headed back out. She managed to snag a grip on my jersey though as I trailed with the girls at the back of the group.

“Are you okay?” There was a little bit of captain in it, but it was mostly gentle, her voice a little bit rugged from the amount of yelling she’d done on the field.

“I’m fine.” Her facial expression was enough to tell me she didn’t believe a word I was saying.

“I’m telling Serena to sub you off, you clearly don’t look well enough to be playing.”

“I told you I feel fine Cap, I can play out the rest of the 90, please let me play it out.”

Leah looked conflicted, conflicted with what to do and how to react to my plea. I wasn’t one who begged very often, I didn’t see the point in it.

“Fine but y/n, as soon as anything happens out there, you put yourself in danger or someone else in danger you are going off, understood?”

I didn’t have any other option but to nod at Leah.

“Yes, captain.”

My voice had held some sarcasm as I tore her hand from the bottom of my jersey and started jogging back up the tunnel to catch up with girls that I’d previously been chatting to.

The last ten minutes of the second half was when bad transitioned to really not good. My body began to catch up with my over exertion and every second on the field became a battle. It was a blessing that the ball wasn’t really travelling down my end, Less and Toony had both been substituted in and were having a field day in our forward half kicking it back and forth to run the clock down. The Norwegian girls were giving it their best but you could tell they knew it was over. As the minutes passed though and we went into extra time I could feel my body really starting to get heavier, you could blame it on the lack of hydration and the english heat that we were playing in but I knew it was my body betraying me. I’d been denying my body for too long and it was catching up with me. I didn’t even know how many minutes of extra time we had, my vision was slowly blurring, my steps becoming wobbly and the pain in my chest becoming overbearing.

I could hear my opponent, I think it was Maren, or was it Guro? Asking me if I felt alright. I didn’t really comprehend it though, I couldn’t hear anything properly, it felt like I was underwater, my ears ringing out and my vision blacking over as I fell face first into the turf. Maren managed to catch me before I fully face planted into the grass, helping my limp form down to the ground before starting to yell out for help. It was then of course that the whistles blew and the match ended. I could make out the sounds of the crowd going nuts, maybe even my teammates on the sidelines yelling in triumph. I couldn’t open my eyes though and I definitely couldn’t make out the voice of Maren on the ground beside me trying to ask me questions and attract the attention of a medic. It was all mellowed out as my body succumbed to a coma like state that I’d forced myself into.

Leah and Lucy were the first two from my own team to locate me, passed out on the ground with Maren trying to provide as much privacy for me as possible whilst also pressing her hand to my throat to make sure that there wasn’t anything seriously wrong. It was Maren, Guro had been subbed off at the 84’ minute mark. I remembered that because I’d silently been wishing at the time that Serena would do the same, but she’d made her final changes and taking me off apparently hadn't been one of them.

“Y/n, can you open your eyes for me? Or squeeze my hand?”

I could feel Leah’s own hand fall into mine and I squeezed it as best as I could, it was enough for me to tell her that I was conscious enough to make out what she was saying to me.

“Good y/n/n, the medics are about to be here, can you try and open your eyes and talk for me?”

I tried my hardest to crack my eyes open, when I did finally muster up the will to open one of them I was met with the brightness of the stadium lights. I groaned almost immediately, being forced to take in my surroundings. I was surrounded by our trainers, who were draping different towels over my body in an attempt to cool me down and cover me. My cleats had been removed from my feet and someone was soaking my socks in cold water, something that I was not pleased to be awakened by.

“Good sweetheart, stay focused on me yeah, eyes on me.”

My eyes snapped back up to Leah, who was crouched above my head, Serena and Lucy’s heads were beside her own, staring down at me.

“The medics are going to come look at you and you are going to let them, okay?”

I almost immediately shook my head at Leah but she kept her jaw clenched and her stern face up.

“I’m not asking y/n, you just passed out on the field, you need to be assessed.”

I shook my head again and Leah rolled her eyes at me.

“An-n-xiety.”

I could hardly make out my own words in the stadium full of noise and the words themselves made me realise how much I was struggling to regulate my own breaths.

Leah nodded knowingly, suddenly everything seemed to come into perspective for her.

“You stopped taking your medication, didn’t you?”

I gulped and nodded at her, trying to block out all of the distractions that were happening around me. She looked annoyed at me, I cowered a little bit with the glare that she was giving me. After the last time I went on a sabbatical from my medication I swore to Leah I would never do it again.

As the medics crouched down next to me I shut my eyes again, it all becoming too much for my head. I let the medics fuss over me, I blacked out somewhere in between them putting me on a stretcher and getting me off the pitch.

I reawakened with sweat dripping down my body, all of the oxygen depleting from my body and my chest aching like it never had before. I choked a little bit as I sat up from my spot, gasping for air to enter my lungs. It took me a few seconds to recognise where I was, sitting inside the makeshift medical room at Brighton. My head was pounding and my whole body was aching.

“Y/n, look at me, you're having an anxiety attack, deep breaths.”

“Wh-what.” The words came out in a gasp as I struggled to take in any air, looking at Leah for guidance.

“We’re at Brighton, we just played Norway, you had an anxiety episode on the pitch. You’re having an attack right now, I need you to take deep breaths, follow me, in and out.”

I watched Leah as she exaggerated some deep breaths, if it hadn't been for the circumstance I probably would have laughed at her.

As I slowly started to take in more air she tried a different tactic.

“Good y/n/n, your doing so well my good girl. Can you tell me five things you can see?”

It was deflection, something that Leah had picked up on from her therapist.

“Serena, you, the light, Lucy and a drink bottle.”

Leah nodded at me encouragingly, rubbing slowly up my back as she continued.

“Good, you’re doing so well, how about four things you can feel?”

“Your breath, the scratchy blanket, my wet socks and I don’t know.”

My words were still choken as I used up whatever oxygen I was taking in to get the words out.

“That’s okay, that’s good, you are doing so well for me angel, how about three things you can hear?”

I tried to focus fully on Leah, on her words, her rubbing my back, her breath against my neck.

“Serena tapping her shoe, the heart monitor and the music from the changeroom.”

It was faint but if you focused in enough you could just hear the sound of my teammates in the change rooms, getting up to god knows that with the absence of their captain and manager.

“Perfect, you are doing absolutely perfectly. How about two things you can smell?”

“Antiseptic and your perfume.”

“Good, last one, one thing you can taste.”

I could feel my breath and body evening itself out, it felt like I was a piece of linen that was slowly but surely being ironed out, all of the crinkles and creases leaving my body.

“I don’t know.”

“Last one y/n, I know you can do it.”

“Metal, the iron taste from blood.”

Leah nodded at me, plastering a kiss on my forehead. Her words and actions being enough to bring me back down to earth fully. I very slowly took in my surroundings properly, Serena, Lucy and Keira were all sitting at the end of my bed, watching as Leah did her thing. I was hooked up to a few different things, cords and wires poking out of my extremities. A saline drip, heart monitor and another machine that I wasn’t sure the purpose of.

“Hey my girl, you back here with us now?”

I pushed my head into Leah’s chest, trying to hide from the world that I was now a participating member of.

“No hiding, not here,”

I groaned as Leah pushed me out of her chest, annoyed by the loss of contact and the confrontation of having to be put in front of some of the people I respected most.

“You gave us a fright back there, I think you came close to killing Maren.”

I gulped nervously, hanging onto every word that left Serena’s mouth, just bobbing my head in agreement because what else was I supposed to do.

“M’ sorry, didn’t mean to, just wanted to prove that I deserved to be here.”

Serena’s face held a kind of understanding, like she’d seen girls before me who had been the same, willing to die to prove their worth to the dutchwoman who we all regarded so highly.

“You wouldn’t be here in the first place if you didn’t deserve to be. It’s one thing to push yourself but to the point where you black out on the field is another thing. If it ever happens again y/n y/l/n then I can swear to you now that you will be benched, am I understood.” I nodded meekly at Serena,

“Yes ma’am.”

She nodded at me, she’d gotten her point across.

“Leah tells me this happened as a result of you not taking your medication?”

I pushed my head back into Leah’s chest, grunting at her when she pushed me out of it. I couldn’t do much else but nod at Serena.

“I get side effects ma’am, it makes me drowsy and sleepy, I didn’t want it to affect my game.”

Serena was very quick to fire back at me,

“You take medication to ensure that you feel well, there is no shame in that. If you are having a problem with side effects then you are to bring it up with one of our doctors, not boycott your medication entirely. From now on I am going to be responsible for your medication, you will come to me everyday to take it so I can ensure that you are receiving the correct doses so something like this does not occur again, is that understood?”

I gulped and nodded at Serena. She smiled at me knowingly in return.

“You are an elite athlete y/n, it is imperative that you care for your body. Or something like this happens, something with such magnitude that it can’t be overlooked. Your health and wellbeing comes first, always.”

I nodded at Serena once again, allowing her to give me a hug before leaving the room to give us some privacy. As soon as the door closed behind her I shed a few tears, I hated confrontation, it was one of my biggest fears.

“She’s right y’know, this could have been a lot worse, what if you’d put yourself in a really dangerous position because you were in a bad headspace and ended up seriously injured, you can’t just stop taking your medication randomly y/n, it’s not safe.”

Leah’s voice was murmured against my forehead, her lips staying plastered to the oily and cold skin.

“No one else on the team relies on medication to function, I thought I would be fine, I feel so stupid always being the one having to rely on shit to get through the day.”

I could feel Leah rolling her eyes from above me.

“No one else on the team struggles with intense anxiety and depression like you do, we are all different, we all function differently. There is no shame in needing medication y/n/n, Lucy uses an asthma puffer, does that make her stupid?”

I looked over at Lucy, it was different.

“No but it’s different.”

“How?”

Leah’s answer was fired back at me and I struggled slightly to recover from her sudden reply,

“Lucy has a physical problem, mine’s just in my head.”

“What you went through today seemed pretty physical to me.”

I was stumped by that answer, looking across at Kiera and Lucy who nodded along with what Leah was saying.

“You struggle with your mental health, there is no shame in that. You rely on medication. So what? Good for you for listening to your body and acknowledging that you need that to help you make it through the day. Y/n, there is absolutely nothing wrong with using medication to help you. If I felt sick, with the flu, and I needed antibiotics or whatever, would you think that I was weak for using them?”

I shook my head at Leah almost immediately, the question was a no brainer for me,

“Exactly, because I’d be taking the medication needed to keep me well and functioning. All you are doing is the same thing y/n, keeping yourself alive and well.”

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