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inkskinned · 1 year

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it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.

anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."

just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.

i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.

when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.

but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.

i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?

most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.

now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.

and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.

go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.

#something something toxic relationships notwithstanding #(re: the friends stuff)#most people love you. automatically. for being alive. like people are just MADE that way.#and the reason kms jokes don't always land is bc people fucking love you and are like - ahhh how do i help #let them help you!!!!!!

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strawberrysoop · 1 month

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young justice has taken over my brain and theyre all i can draw lately <3 also i highly recommend clicking to view the middle 2 bc tumblr cropped then bad in the format </3

#young justice #young just us #core four #cassie sandsmark #conner kent #kon el #bart allen #tim drake #cissie king jones #do i tag their vigilante names too idk. i am going with no <3 #dc #soop art #bc of the bit in yj book 2 where conner and cassie take cissie to the mall for a ‘normal girl environment’#i have decided conner is one of the girls #like they decide to take a girls day and hes always automatically invited #also bart is doing the fuckboy thing bc of conner. he picks up mannerisms too easily is what ive decided #its just a habit now <3 drawing of all of yj doing it for a photo as a joke to come

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coffeecatcraze · 3 months

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I would just like to say how hard it hits me in the chest to see Charlie masking every time she's onscreen the day before the fight (including what we see on Vox's spy screens of course), except when no one is with her but Vaggie. Even during her emotional speech she tries so damn hard to keep that confidence up and smile on. But we do see her stop masking twice, when the only person watching her is Vaggie.

First:

No one's really paying attention to her, and she's not smiling; she's worried. When Vaggie approaches her, she doesn't put on a happy face. She talks about her mom with the same smile as in the first episode (during a very emotionally vulnerable moment with Vaggie, might I add). It's not happy or confident. It's nostalgic, wistful, and sad, because her mom's absence is something very personal and painful for her. When Vaggie asks if they're ready, Charlie doesn't instantly start to smile or answer with confidence even though she usually would (even within that short beat of time), because her mask is off. She's not confident or optimistic. She's scared. She's not ready.

Then Pentious comes out and she's all smiles again! The mask comes back on when someone other than Vaggie is there.

Second:

Of course, one of our favorite scenes. Charlie's alone when she breaks down, but when Vaggie shows up, she keeps the mask off. She admits how scared she is. When she does smile, it's not the big smile she's been throwing on throughout the day, and it's not strained either. It's soft, gentle, and real. She's not masking. Vaggie is genuinely making her feel better when she's finally letting herself fall apart, just by being there and reminding her that no matter what happens, she's already accomplished so much, and she's so loved.

Charlie is under a lot of stress and pressure. She's scared. She's not as optimistic as she's making herself out to be. She's giving everything she's got out there being a strong, confident, inspirational leader and friend in front of everyone, and it's only with Vaggie that she lets it go. She doesn't have to try to be strong. She doesn't pretend. She lets down her guard, because for her, Vaggie is that one infinitely special person who gets to see every part of her; the one person she can always be her honest self with.

There were plenty of times in other episodes when Charlie didn't mask her negative emotions around people, but that was when she didn't have anyone looking to her as a leader. She's running on adrenaline and the weight of people's expectations as Extermination Day gets closer, and she can't let the mask she's put on slip in public. She has to seem like she's totally ready for what's coming. But Vaggie is different.

The amount of trust and love Charlie has for her is staggering. She's under an insane amount of stress and pressure, and having Vaggie by her side is probably the only thing keeping her from completely falling to pieces. Seeing a relationship so full of deep trust and love is absolutely beautiful. <3

#hazbin hotel #chaggie #charlie morningstar #vaggie #no i am not saying her usual attitude is always a mask #just that when you're known to be a certain kind of person it becomes an automatic mask sometimes #and from these two moments and the situation as a whole it looks like that's what was happening here #she's probably spent the last month trying increasingly hard to keep up a face of confidence and fearlessness #except with the one person who's by her side and not following her #they are PARTNERS and that word means so much

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shadowthehedgehog · 11 months

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ok this was super cute

#sonic prime #sonic prime spoilers #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #carto speaks #this was so annoying to clip because netflix just automatically stopped any kind of screen recorder i used #also if u seen me upload this like 3 times no u didnt <3 #hall of fame

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xx-sketchy-xx · 4 months

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It was the cutest dream I’ve ever had.

Wally, except baby size, and he hung out with me all day

andthentheworldsortastartedfallingapartbutthatsok

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p1tstop · 2 years

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About You is the closest feeling to being at a The 1975 concert in audio recording form.

#like automatically I was just There #😭#nO one perceive me rn #the 1975 #bfiafl

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leoppipi · 1 month

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Tsukikage when fans ask them to make a heart

#haikyuu #tsukikage #tsukkikage #tsukishima kei #kageyama tobio #hq #hq manga spoilers #I just think that Tsukishima hates this kind of fan service so he automatically picks the most low effort pose #kageyama is big heart cos its the one his fans taught him to do #so he does it all the time.#I like to this this image is Tsukikage walking and somone yells “TSUKISHIMA SENSHUU KAGEYAMA SENSHUU!!! MAKE A HEART PLEASE”#and they just stop and automatically get into these poses.#without consulting one another.

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skywalker-swift · 1 month

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I think the craziest thing about TTPD as an album is that I think a lot more people would like it if they actually just sat and listened and applied to it their own lives and didn’t just focus on the muses. Like. It’s so obvious she doesn’t want us to just focus on the muses. The manuscript even said the story isn’t mine anymore, this story is over and she’s moved on and it’s ours now and we’ll find new and different meanings in it. And I think writing the whole album off as ‘her worst album and it’s all about her obsession with 1 man’ just does the album such a disservice even if it’s not their kind of album.

#if Taylor gave the songs away to someone else #people would love it like better man or babe #but because her name is attached to it #it’s always automatically the worst album she’s ever put out and it’s bad because it’s her #just interesting #I think it’s crazy how many people scream separate the art from the artist when their fav does something sus #taylor swift

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ryllen · 2 months

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youtube

Fun fact for the day, that u may or may not already know,

#who i am kidding everyone who tries to imitate lucius sounds unwell automatically #like deuce in class #if u guys may not already know too; it was deuce practicing animal linguistic sentence; it is explain in another video from this account to #twst #twisted wonderland #trey clover #jade leech #twst lucius #fanart #Youtube #but maybe trey-san is just that bad at meowing in general

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temeyes · 3 months

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OKAY NOW U NEED TO DRAW THE WHOLE 141 IN F1 CARS WHICH TEAM DO THINK THEYD BE IN😆😆😆

ferrari ftw cuz THAT'S THE ONLY TEAM I KNOW, ANON!!!!

#i almost said “Dinoco” like ya know........ in Cars HSASASHASHAHHSA #just because i watched F1 as a kid doesn't automatically mean i know anything about it LMAO IM SORRY ANON #and i'm not really gonna go outta my way to do research cuz my sister will see and she will mock me afterwards #BUT!! i'll probably draw the bois in racing suits in the future tho!! i'll take note of that!!#answered asks #anon #my art #2024 #call of duty #task force 141 #tf141 #tf 141

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inkskinned · 1 year

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you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

#spilled ink #woke up at 530 to write this lmafo #me in a cold sweat:#how do i be normal #edit in the tags:#hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate #like if this is about X specific diagnosis #and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition''#because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc #and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition #but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis #because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons #why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are.#that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person #.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that #it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself #palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with....#this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate #would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them #bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume #that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now #we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal''#[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into]#but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be''#and im like ... of course it was about you.#art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation .#you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you.#there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this #regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it #and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.

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jakeperalta · 4 months

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defining a "comfort album" as whatever feels right to you :)

#this poll is brought to you by the migraine i just had #because in january 2021 i became unwell for several months and evermore was always my go to #whenever i could do nothing but lie there and feel awful #so today when i went to lie down it was just automatic to be like at least i have evermore to listen to :)#so even though it's quite a sad album it's a comfort in the sense of being what i reach for when i feel bad #the other option would be lover as my sort of happy place album #i'm curious whether this will skew more towards the earlier albums than favourite album polls because of the nostalgia factor #or i could see folklore winning for the comfort during the pandemic factor #polls #taylor swift

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elation-station · 1 year

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You know she would be parading around in a different fancy outfit everyday just to show off to the farmer ♥

#stardew valley #sdv #sdv emily #stardew valley emily #bird #parrot #fashion #fanart #art by op #yeah i know the second one has green hair i dont CARE its fashion baby!!!#she's the type to switch it up like every week anyway #anyway i literally did my best on those like embarrassingly so #and i still get to a point where if i try to render it more i just automatically fall asleep on my cintiq #but at least by god i put my whole pussy into these sketches #and now i see so much shit to fix but i shall restrain myself #one has to draw the line somewhere #love you emily xoxo you are my wife (along with shane who is also my wife)

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racketti · 2 months

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slight N5FW‼️

sometimes like this / also like that

#sorry I just saw that and automatically thought BILLY #he likes both ways #billy hargrove #billy hargrove fanart #harringrove

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autism-alley · 4 months

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look obviously i don’t know the guy but i feel like 2009 rick riordan would fist fight 2024 rick riordan

#or at least send him a strongly worded email like he did to the production of the movies #my man you already wrote the story #the movies committed the sin of sexing up his children’s story #now the show is committing the sin of removing the story’s spirit #if that sounds dramatic to you. same but once i thought about it? yeah.#i rly fucking hope disney is more to blame than rick but the show is not automatically above criticism bc rick is involved #and i am just being silly with this post but i am itching to post my own critiques #i have been rb’ing critiques i agree with so i won’t repeat those but i have points of my own to make #percy jackson #pjo #pjo tv show #pjo show crit #percy jackson disney+#percy jackson and the olympians #rick riordan #ris raves

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certifiedlibraryposts · 3 months

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Any of you who feel bad about having overdue materials, just know that I, Library Enthusiast Nerdass Blog Runner, just realized i have accidentally kept the first two Dungeon Meshi books hostage for a week.

#sorry abt the slow askbox btw ive been in a state of feeling like a bit of a jelly you know how it is. Ill get to it soon ty for the asks #also so sorry for the person who has these on hold i didnt check i just assumed theyd be automatically renewed o-o;#And finally triply sorry to anyone who saw those tags i wrote at like 7:30 am i was Tired and forgot about tag length limits

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