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its-my-little-dumpster-fire · 3 years

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Love love LOVE let it burn good god what a masterpiece. Can I ask you one thing? I think it’s amazing to see a portrayal of a complete sociopath and there’s obviously the big debate of wether or not they can truly love someone but obviously with your fic he kinda has no choice but to love his soulmate even though he resists a lot of the time. His intentions with Dinah were obviously bad but I wondered more about his relationship with Krista, did he care? Do you think he felt some love or feelings towards her? Or was she simply a means to an end and didn’t really care all that much when she died? I loved reading your character I felt like I related. I let people walk all over me even when I shouldn’t. I grow a backbone and then drop it over and over with people and boundaries are hard for me so it felt really cool to read something where I was like WTF ARE YOU DOING BUT ALSO WHY IS THIS ME😂

Can’t thank you enough for creating this masterpiece it’s been really nice to read something different

Um. Wtf. Why am I crying in the club right now?

Jk I have hit snooze 6 times already and I’ll do it again while I write a respond to this message. Literally so kind. Who are you? Be my friend. Or don’t. It’s cool. Privacy. Respect.

Aaaaanywho-snooze.

I’m so glad you love the concept. It’s a weird one for SURE and most days I regret ever starting this monster, but here you are becoming the wind beneath my wings. It’s fine. Billy has a choice, he has many and he makes those choices. Over and over. Usually for himself but then occasionally he’ll do something that’s for his soulmate not for him and it sets off this chain reaction of “oh shit, the tiniest bit of effort and I get all this attention in return? Interesting. How far can I push it?” Far enough that it is a love. Not perfect, not overly romantic, but it’s something just for them. Billy has this security that this person isn’t going to leave him and reader has billy, need I say more.

The rest is under a cut because wow. I rambled. I rambled a lot. But it’s good stuff. Maybe. Idk.

Krista. Oh boy. I have thoughts. In canon, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Krista is a means to an end. He has identified a sympathetic person and exploits it. He’s also been asleep for 8 months, he’s got some energy to burn. She’s a one stop shop for itches to scratch. Sex. Check. Control. Check. Hideout from the law. Check. Confidence booster. Check. I mean, what’s not to “love”? Plus he’s feeling a lot, like all the time and instead of teaching him how to manage those emotions, Krista asks for five blue things then lets him blow out her back. Strategies I never learned in my clinical classes but hey, maybe I was absent that day.

(For anyone planning to come after me, yes it’s a legitimate grounding technique, good for keeping anxious minds present in the moment instead of spiraling into an attack, I use similar methods on myself, but no it is not a sustainable practice for someone with tbi and emotional regulation issues. It’s short term. Billy needs more.)

I think someone can be a means to an end and you can also care when they die. Billy…. Care is a tricky word. I think he cares that his anchor in this world is gone. He had JUST cut ties with his gang when his plans got thrown out the window. Literally. So I think he cares, but it’s a selfish care. It’s a goddammit Dinah you’ve disrupted my life for the last time kind of care. Maybe also he liked her, but I wouldn’t call it love. I don’t think billy has love for anyone who tries to pull a gun on him, no matter how good they are in the sack.

In let it burn… same but also more. In my story, Billy’s relationship with Krista is even more volatile because it’s a release for all the feelings he doesn’t understand regarding his soulmate. With his brain scrambled, he’s experiencing an influx of emotion that previously he maintained a tight lid on. Now he’s impulsive, he’s aggressive, he’s overwhelmed, and he has intense feelings for a person he doesn’t really know or recognize. It’s much easier to channel that all into crazy starfish sex with the attractive therapist he kind of knows rather than process the fact that he may have feelings for his own soulmate.

I love this ask. I wish I had more chances to talk about Billy the Sociopath, I have so many thoughts about it and like…. Pages of notes. But in Let it Burn, it’s hard to bring up in obvious ways. Reader is sadly not me and does not have my obsession with brains. And Billy for all his accomplishments, I don’t think would be self aware enough to identify certain aspects of his behavior without having undergone actual therapy. Idk. Maybe Billy Russo knows what he is. Maybe he doesn’t. Oftentimes I wonder if he also sustained an injury during one of his tours that contributed because flashbacks of vulnerable moments with Frank and hanging out with his kids don’t match up to a post war Billy. It’s a hard line to toe between the idea that he could have a legitimate personality disorder or he’s just a survivor through and through who feels things for people, but can’t afford to because of how messy it all is.

I don’t see any inherent advantages to being cool uncle billy. So part of me wonders if he was always kind of an asshole, a lovable asshole, who after the trauma of war slipped into these murky sociopathic behaviors and it isn’t obvious to his friends bc he’s always been kind of an asshole and he can still charm and manipulate when he needs to while hiding what’s happening with Rawlins. Idk. I don’t have a firm belief yet.

BUT THAT WASNT YOUR QUESTION. YIKEZ.

I’m glad you feel some kinship with this character. It’s really hard for me to do the “reader insert” thing and this was my first time trying it, so sometimes I get really worried that she isn’t written very well because I was trying to make it vague enough for everyone. Eventually I stopped worrying about that and gave her a family and a back story and her own brain traumas. But for real, thank you for reading and I’m so glad you enjoy it and that you took the time to say something.

#let it burn #let it burn reader #billy russo #billy russo x reader #ask the dumpsterfire #you’re a gem #truly

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jazajas · 4 years

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okay so i finished love, victor a while ago and i saw some other reviews and thoughts about it here so now i've got a pretty good list on my thoughts and feelings.

tl;dr: it has some issues, yes, but im gonna hold out and hope it gets better later on because the same thing happened with the first few eps, i wasn't that into it but then it got good, and nothing is ever great with the first season, because at that point we're getting used to those characters.

⚠️caution: spoilers ahead (im on mobile, i cant get an under-the-cut)⚠️

1. while a leah on the offbeat movie would have been amazing movie sequel (even tho i havent read the book yet, im just here for the wlw content) i am kind of glad we got this instead. mostly because I've seen book series where one movie was good, so they decide to do the rest, turn out bad (hunger games? divergent? percy jackson? the hobbit?) because so much was cut from the book-to-first movie writing, that other scenes wouldn't make sense to future movies if they had those in while cutting others. however, i am sad that i didn't get to make the choice of deciding whether what was cut was wrong etc. about future movies, but i'll take what i can get.

2. LGBTQ+ POC as a lead! that's amazing! as a ace/bi lantina that's close to home (it also is great that victor's from texas and so is ya gorl) and even then it's a mixed latinx family! i think pilar mentioned that at least the grandmother left Colombia and i saw the Puerto Rican flag in victor's room. also the salazar's are definitely from small town texas, even without knowing the name. (church barbeques, the use of the words "such a diverse city" in regards to atlanta)

3. a lack of actual lgbtq+ main storylines (so far) is kind of sad for a show like this. i was getting serious bi/pan vibes (as a lot of other people) from victor from the beginning, and when it was implied that victor was actually gay (while great, not shaming) as it has been brought to my attention, there was a lot of looking at a lot of straight relationship problems (please let us know more about benji)- edit 6/18: upon further consideration, it very much is a show about questioning your sexuality, I'm speaking about the other straight relationship issues, not mia and Victor's, its just the first season.

4. let us talk about cheating for a sec. never okay, in any circumstance. i feel sorry for mia that she saw victor making out with benji and the fact that he was doing any of that in the first place. victor made a choice to lie about the espresso machine and then kissed benji at the hotel and then when benji was fighting with derek, basically confessed his love and mistakes, then proceeded to makeout with benji after he broke up with derek, he built that grave and now he must lie in it. i get having feelings for a guy when you are in a relationship with a girl, and not accepting yourself enough to end that relationship but you really want it to work so you can be "normal". really, he should have told mia after he got back from the trip tho. i get being in highschool and doing stupid stuff and making dumb decisions, but for a show aimed at teens i think we should also remind said teens to make good choices even if we have to lose some realism within the character choices.

4. pilar and her decisions based off her brother pissed me off. because i honestly think that if she'd kept her mouth shut about what she knew or confronted victor about it in the first place we could have avoided a LOT of mess. did she not learn from snooping around her mother's business about her relationships that going behind a person's back doesnt end well? i did, however, like the pilar/felix friendship and was really kind of hoping that they'd get together during their coffee hangout (although now im glad that didn't happen) because they had a deeper understanding of each other. same with wendy/felix, although they do seem to much alike to work out in the long run but i still feel bad for wendy.

5. i don't know how i feel about lake and andrew, as people separate from each other. both seem to be the way they are from their upbringing (not confirmed why andrew is such an ass, but if his comment about his dad is anything to go by i bet it's got something to do with attention) but andrew seems to be less, idk, superficial? like he turned down mia because he didn't want to be a rebound, he didn't out victor, he actually stood up to early teasing the other dudes in the lockerroom were doing at victor (with teasing of his own obviously but that interaction had him on my nice list until much later). lake? lake. i honestly don't have an opinion of her? not really. i mean after hanging out with pilar i was hoping felix wouldn't go back to lake. is her name laken? i feel like her full name is laken. but they also played the "im only like this because my mom is really superficial about stuff and i do like the geeky nice guy but appearances" to "actually screw the norms im gonna makeout with him infront of the whole student body". i honestly thought she was gonna be bi because she kept hitting on mia when she was helping set up for her "date" and "big night" and there was one point where i saw her face fall at something mia said in relation to her and idk i was hoping she'd be bi (i figured early on that victor/mia wasnt gonna work and was like "oh mia/lake would be cute" but now idk.

6. okay on to the "big night", i have one word. NO. i didn't like the peer pressure into having sex. i agreed with felix when he said "your body your choice" but im also disappointed that victor made out with mia and when lake was talking to felix after victor left he didn't try to stand up for victor.

7. on to age gaps because i hadn't really thought of this at first. we'll start with benji/derek: WHAT GRADE IS BENJI?! because that determines my thoughts. if he's a sophomore that meant that he and Derek started dating benji's freshman year and thats eugh, don't do that, don't care if its a gay couple that shouldn't be happening because the maturity of the two characters is DRASTICALLY different (this is also a reason i am not a fan of cmbyn) but that would explain why they were so rocky. hoping the event at the gay bar was open to anyone not just for drinking, but not liking that fact that not one of the adults with victor were like: hey, this is a 16 year old, that's kind of wack when that dude was hitting on victor. that made me question some stuff. although i figure it might be making up for the lack of a gay bar scene in love, simon. but even then, in svthsa it's a restaurant with a bar that some people go to just to drink at, it wasn't just a bar, simon could be there but should NOT have accepted drinks from college kids, not matter how attractive.

8. i loved how bram and simon and their friends helped victor out though. i like how bram was like: hey i know my friends are a lot so here's a gay basketball league becaue there's no one way to be gay. i like how Simon talked about needing help himself just to help victor and how he said his friends were cool with it because it's a community. i like of justin(?) mentioned how being what his parents wanted was putting on a mask and pretending, not him doing drag. my favorite lines from that ep are: "and before you ask my pronouns are they/them/theirs" "'they're all gay? even that guy? he's like [insert really tall number]' 'yeah. you should see him in heels'" "or in simon's case: really unathletic" "and also because bram said that if i wore [the jean jacket] one more time he'd burn it". also katya was there. and the group hug too!

9. the back hand homophobia in relation to family is sad, but realistic and i sincerely hope his parents are kind enough not to be too harsh on victor because of it. anything they say that isn't positive or supportive of victor is bad but i hope they realize that there is more to him than that and that they can come to terms with it because it's not always that hard to be a part of that community and super religious. i am biromantic and catholic. and while there are some things i wont agree on my mom with, i know that it's more of a strike against God for kicking out gay kids from families than it is to be gay, because those parents were given trust by GOD to love those kids no matter what, and be good parents. so in the end, the parents are wrong and harmful and in the case of christians against jesus's teachings to love everyone.

10. this is fan speculation but dont think simon/bram are going through a rough patch? i honestly think it'd be a little cruel to the characters to have on of their actors be producing but then not have that relationship stay. and while it's not set in stone and obviously things happen in the real world, we have no proof script wise about there being a rift. all we have are bad photoshopped ig photos and scenes where two characters are never standing next to each other probably beccaue schedules never link up correctly for minor characters. who knows, maybe nick robinson was filming for a movie where is does have an even more major role than victor's gay guru in a series about victor so his filming time was around that. im gonna keep hope that things are okay.

11. that being said: we need more mainstream wlw content, because someone said it earlier and it really does seem to be catering to straight girls. i'll admit i did freak out when benji played call me maybe which is something i associated with him and victor but then kissed a guy because who wouldn't? we get that serenade and sweetness and then it'a ripped from us. but i did mellow out. if i flipped later it was because victor was making dumb decisions and i had to give myself a moment of compsure before i continued.

in the end, i'd say that there is a lot of growth this series needs to go through, but i also know that some people just aren't going to like it and i get that. but i also know that sometimes the best of stories have rocky starts, nothing is ever perfect from the beginning. and besides, further seasons are on hold until we figure out this covid thing, which means that you bet they're gonna be looking at our feedback. they saw what we thought before, they can do it again

i really did like it but we need more ACTUAL lgbtq+ relationship stuff from this series and better decisions on what we are teaching the younger generations, as well as what we want to focus on and realism within characters. i'm giving it an 8/10, because there is always room for growth and i really hope we get better things out of this than what we have been given in season 2.

edit: someone mentioned it really seeming like it was meant for Disney+ and i felt that. also to anyone who reaches the tags agter reading ALL OF THIS: i am sorry

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soclonely · 3 years

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Potential thanksgiving "the clones as" idea: the clones as things you're thankful for? Just an idea for fun 💙

Rex- My brothers. Guys I am a middle child and only girl out of 7 kids. We argue and fight but let me tell you they would drop everything in a heartbeat for me. Echo-My education. Last spring was a hard one (as it was for everyone) for my senior year of college. I didn’t get a big graduation. But I did get my degree and that is the most important thing. I am so ready to start this next chapter in my life. Fives- My friends, both IRL and internet. I have some very good people that I have met throughout the years and that have stayed in my life, and added many more this year. You make life sane. Jesse- followers on Tumblr that support, like, and encourage my goofy posts. They may be stupid little things, but seeing your tags and laughing makes me so happy. Kix- All of the local businesses around my town that opened up with this pandemic and provided excellent services and delivery. I love supporting local and it is great to be able to still do it from home. Tup- my dog duke. I can always count on him to be there when i need him, whether it be because i dropped some pasta sauce on the floor and dont want to bend over and pick it up or because i am having a full blown anxiety attack. Dogma- My work. (Insert giant rich corporation that ruins shows here) may be a shitty place to work for some. but it has invited many great opportunities into my life over the last few years. i am thankful for my coworkers, supervisors, and complimentary mouse shaped churros Hardcase- everyone that went out this year and protested all of the wrongdoings. You made voices heard and are pushing for change so that we can become better in this world Coric- Medical staff that have worked through this pandemic. I am sorry you don’t get the appreciation you deserve during the normal times and am so thankful for you and your hard work. Bly- my mailman. Minus running over my mailbox last month, he is the best! He always manages to say hello and ask about my family even though he has never met them. He loves showing off pictures of his wife too. goals. 99- my grandparents, all sets of them. My memaw and Nonna, and Papoo and grandpa. I love hearing the same stories from them over and over again and I am so grateful I still get to this year. Cody- the star wars fandom. I would have gone nuts if i didnt have something I love to binge watch while everything else was closed. Waxer and Boil- My parents. My little brother is 15, and special needs and for the last year it has been hard on the two of them. One parent stays with the youngest kids while the other goes away a few hours to stay in the hospital with the 15 year old. You would think it would cause issues between the two but their marriage is stronger than ever and its so encouraging to have a positive example of love in my life. Wolffe- the boys and girls youth center staff i volunteer with. I love seeing all of the kids in our community come together and have a way to connect and set a positive example. Sinker and Boost- being able to take a nice warm shower right now. My joints are on fire because i am in the middle of a lupus flare. its amazing what some hot water can do. ahhhh. the simple things. Hunter-my hair stylist who got me in immediately the week she was open for a fresh cut post quarantine. Wrecker- every single premier night of an episode of the mandalorian each week. sitting and watching with friends in servers and having meltdowns about it together. Tech- being able to video chat with family and friends across the country because we cant see each other in real life right now. Crosshair- the mun of the @clone-force-99-official page. becoming friends wasnt expected, minus our two idiots. this man is seriously the best. We have gotten close over the last few months and its nice to have someone to get through the hard moments with and who understands me better than i do sometimes. words cannot describe how much i love and am thankful for my best friend.

#sw #star wars #tcw #the clone wars #star wars the clone wars #the clones as

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demonicintegrity · 4 years

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oKAY heres the details on that depressing Devildice human highschool au i made with a friend back around 2017/2018. Kinda a mess so bare with me. long post with themes of abuse, depression, and other nasty stuff.

- Lucifer Angelo grew up in a pretty bad place in Texas. The details werent fleshed out other than that it was a pretty ignorant place.

- The important fact of the matter is that his dad (who we never did settle on a name for lol) was a Christian preacher. Charismatic man, but an absolute shithead to Lucifer. Even with his other kids he was strict and pushed his ideals and plans onto them. Also had a temper and a loud voice.

- Preacher Angelo was once a pretty alright man, although very self-centered and was pretty condensing. He had a marriage early on in his life and had a few kids, named after archangels. Marriage fell through, and he starts drinking and moves on the next one a bit after. Have a couple more sons named after archangels. It also falls apart. On number 3? he has the final sons to complete his arch angel themed kids. At first it was just in honor/inspired by the angels and his Christian lifestyle, tho i think around the second marriage is where he just started getting delusional and started thinking himself as godlike and thought his sons will spread his word and whatever. Needlessly to say, his partners once they found this out went :/ and it went downhill from there.

- Man we really just took every flaw and worse thing to have in a parent and shoved it into this bastard lmao

- Lucifer was actually the product of an affair within his final marriage. Ofc cheating was a dealbreaker and they divorced. The girl he was cheating with stuck around a little bit, but died in childbirth due to complications. Thus he was left with this child that wAs BoRn FrOm SiN so he named him Lucifer. He would be his son of sin while his other sons would be Perfect People. (Even though they and their mothers started to want nothing to do with him lmao)

- He got by and took care of Lucifer decently but because this was an AU of Angst(TM) Preacher Dickhead became an alcoholic, had money troubles over time because economy troubles or whatever, and took out his temper on his son more and more. Luci was taken to church every Sunday by his dad.

- Kingsley Dyce was born in Lousiana to his parents Patrick and Fahri. We had a whole separate story for Fahri’s family and how they met, it was cute but that’s completely irrelevant right now. They lived modestly and were technically stable but there wasn’t always extra money for fun stuff and there were times were they were just getting by, but they never let Kingsley onto it.

- Kingsley (nicknamed King or KD by his friends) was a pretty cool kid. Had fun in Louisiana despite being a bit flamboyant and full of himself, made good friends. His relationship with his parents were fairly okay. He was a total mama’s boy, loves his mother to death and would do anything for her. As he became a teen his relationship with his father got a bit more strained because Patrick was a very Traditional person and into his teenage hood Kingsley had a habit of dancing not-so-masculine or modestly. He also was getting into makeup.

- Stepping back tho, as a kid he was in the church choir. His family is Catholic and his parents took him to church every Sunday. His favorite activity was to rollerskate. He and his friends were always skating to each other’s houses or skating at the rink. Skating, video games, and singing was his life.

- During his 6/7th grade his family moved to Maryland because of a job opportunity. King was suuuupper bummed. Maryland isn’t like Louisiana at all so there was an adjustment curve. Despite that, he didn’t have a hard time make friends. (insert humanized casino crew here)

- Side note: KD had a tooth gap as a kid and got braces during middle school to correct it. It gave him a lisp. He also had glasses and a questionable sense of fashion throughout middle school. This isn’t super relevant but its important to me that you can imagine this kid as the doofus he was. He also was roughly at an average height.

- In 8th grade there was a new kid that came into his class; Lucifer. Luci’s dad had also moved to Maryland for a job. Despite his entire class wondering what the hell was this southern emo kid’s problem, he wasn’t overtly bullied, just ignored. KD however, was intrigued by this asshole and made it his goal to figure out his issue and be all up in his business.

- Luci is currently dealing with some of his hardest years here. In Texas he had a hard time making friends, was bullied, and wasnt surrounded by the best sort of people. His abuse was getting worse as his father struggled more and more, and the move wasn’t the greatest fix considering he was still drinking and getting himself into debt. Luci didn’t care about school nor about life in general. But then this asshole waltz into his life and boy golly was he feeling things about it.

- The relationship at first just KD latching onto Luci and talking to him about any and everything and trying to drag him around town. Slowly, Lucifer began to be amused by this jerk and his friends. He also didn’t live too far away so KD was able to easily bike to his place even though he never wanted KD over.

- KD picked up on the abuse Luci was going through, and honestly didn’t know to confront it. At first it was just sharing food cuz Luci wouldn’t eat and chatting to him because he got uncomfortable seeing Luci alone with head down all the time. Eventually he talked to his mom about it and the two of them kept inviting Luci over. Fahri became the mom Luci never had and Patrick despite working long hours and extra shifts, would take time to give Luci practical lessons and be a better masculine figure in his life. Luci was slowly being given a family but he also was pulling away from it. He was in the midst of a depression and he was pretty mean to everyone to deal with it, and pulled to himself more as he began to love KD and his family. The new friendships doesn’t cure depression, nor was it helpful against abuse.

- TW under break for more details of abuse, neglect, depression, and suicide

- His abuse was verbal and physical. He got yelled at for being a failure, yelled at because he didnt care about school, drunk his fathers booze, got into trouble and lashed out. He got beat for back talking and whenever the drunk asshole wanted to fight with him. It had been going on for years. He was also neglected pretty bad. Food wasn’t super plentiful in the house, he lived on fast food and luci didnt know how to cook. There was more booze in fridge than food. Power/water would sometimes not be on if his father forgot about certain bills. It was bad.

- Some time during this 8th grade year he also developed a crush on KD, he didnt voice it because his dad was homophobic as shit but also because he certainly didnt know how to navigate love and didnt want to ruin his relationship with KD. So he repressed it.

- Also during this 8th grade year Luci tried to commit suicide. He had texted KD before hand too, with some note that boiled down to he cared a lot about KD but couldnt stand anything in the world/his dad/bringing KD down/whatever and it was obviously a suicide note. KD freaked out and immediately got his ass over there, kicked down the door, and found Luci in his dad’s room with his dad’s gun to his head. I don’t think we ever settled on the details of the situation but it was traumatizing for both individuals to say the least. KD was able to talk him out of it.

- That incident made them inseparable. Luci never had someone care for him like that, cry for him like that. KD had grown attached and close enough to consider him his best friends, the incident only solidify his want to make his best friend’s life better. It was a rough few months after that and KD was sworn to never tell his parents what happened.

- TBH that was about the worse of it, this was an high school AU and high school became a bit better for them in certain regards. KD got his braces off, got contacts, and had one helluva growth spurt going into HS. Luci went deep into a punk-emo phase his freshman year which killed his fashion, but was slowly becoming a bit more confident in himself. KD and his parents were able to help him a lot. Emotional support, practical life lessons, and food was always a given.

- Its a bit of an up and down throughout high school. KD gets into makeup, heels, dancing, and bisexuality and it causes a major strife with him and his dad who wanted a “real” son. The relationship went through major struggles and would take a couple years to really heal.

- Luci struggles a bit with drinking and deals drugs and booze to get his own spending money. He starts somewhat taking his school seriously, but even though he does work in class he doesnt always do homework or projects and whatnot. He has a habit of physically intimidating other students and occasionally tries to pick fights.

- The “casino gang” also have their own things going on. If a recall correctly, Wheezy was also in a neglectful house, Pip and Dot ( ??? and Dorothy) were twins from a wealthy well off family but were ignored and were terribly bratty, Piroeutta was just an quiet Russian outcast, Mango had 7 siblings and no space to himself and who was bullied for his large off-putting appearance, Chips was just loud, and i completely forgot what everyone else’s deal was. KD and Luci mainly hung out with Chips, Piro, Pip, and Dot. They were still pretty close to the others but those four were the only ones they regularly hung out with at lunch and outside of school.

- There are a couple things that could happen throughout high school. My personal fav i can remember is a particular angst with KD trying to get with another dude and Luci being Upset and lashing out at him at a party result and ugh that scenario was angsty but also turned very cute???

- Regardless, when they do get together they’re unstoppable tbh.

- and yes, the gang would readily throw hands with anyone who said shit. Barely any of them care about suspensions.

- I kinda forget a bit of stuff. I know misc. scenarios here and there both fluffy and angsty, but this post is already long enough lmao so feel free to hit up my ask box with any questions/comments. I dont really think Ill come back to this au?? If i do Im gonna edit a ton of stuff because looking back certain themes and scenarios seem borderline insensitive and/or poorly thought out. I did found a fic of this au on my phone with KD and Luci as adults tho and Im v tempted to rewrite some of it and finish it because it was good.

#long post #tw abuse #tw physical abuse #tw verbal abuse #tw suicide #suicide mention #cuphead dont deal with the devil #ch devil #King dice #devildice #snakeeyes

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izzyliker · 4 years

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i think like.... some of this ‘fanfic isnt above criticism’ discourse fundamentally is built on some weird ideas and understandings of criticism, creative freedom, and variance in ppl reading the exact same thing.

like: just because you dont like a specific thing about someones writing doesnt mean its objectively, concretely wrong, bad, or inappropriate. nobodys going to kill you or jail you or whatever for leaving a mean or unnecessarily blunt comment on someones fic, but it is kind of sad/funny to see people talk shit about writers for ‘not taking criticism’ as if their opinion is objective truth and not just.....their opinion.

like: i have had people tell me my writing is too abstract, or it doesnt make any sense, or that i use too many metaphors or whatever. thats their opinion! i have also had people say that me writing the way i do is dreamy/mesmerizing/whatever nice, sweet things they had to say about it. as a hobbyist writer and someone who ENJOYS writing that way i am not going to change it because someone didnt like it, and people being mad about that is... kind of funny to me? just dont read my fic then! i write six line long sentences and use five em dashes in a single paragraph because i like doing it. if you dont like reading that you dont have to read it!

there’s... of course room for gently calling people out for writing in -phobic and -ist stuff while obviously having no idea that it was -ist or -phobic (eg. having characters misgender a trans character and not warning in the tags, or referring to a trans character as their deadname and using the wrong pronouns until they transition [’x was a girl blah blah she liked blah blah then she suddenly realized shes a boy wow anyway now im getting to the actual story after misgendering my character for no reason. them being trans never comes up again’], or writing deeply bigoted stuff or otherwise inserting unfortunate tropes in writing) and im not going to say that it’s ~bullying~ someone to let someone know that it seems like their writing reflects their own, genuine bigoted beliefs or misconceptions, and a lot of time people will be mortified and thankful to hear that (and when they aren’t theyre usually either openly bigoted, or theyve had other people tell them otherwise and chosen to believe those people instead, which you can feel however you want about).

like: ive left a strongly worded comment on a fic before because it turned out to be completely untagged for the rape depicted in it (as in: no archive warnings apply - not even chose not to warn), and featured a twoc ‘’’’’’having sex with’’’’’’’ a trans guy, where the author was a white cis person who did not see anything wrong with the lack of tagging OR the damaging tropes used with zero self awareness. i dont think you can NEVER say ‘im trans/gay/bi/ace/a person of color/a person of this ethnicity and you don’t seem to be - did anyone beta read this, because you have depicted the character with my marginalized trait in a very stereotypical way, and idk if thats on purpose or not’ or anything similar. sometimes people who are racist or homophobic or biphobic or transphobic also write fic. sometimes a fic makes your spider senses tingle because of the way something bad is depicted in it.

but like and especially re darkfic -

when people say ‘you need to take criticism when people say your fic glorifies bad relationships’ i think... what people fail to take into account is that although sometimes people do in fact write narratives where they do not even realize theyre writing a shitty relationship (this is often made obvious by a complete lack of tagging or a flippant attitude about the actions of the characters rather than anything that happens in the work itself) sometimes when you read a fic and think ‘this obviously says that this relationship is good! and that you should read this and think the relationship is good!’ it’s not actually an objective, true criticism that the author needs to... idk...rectify? reflection is always good for yknow becoming a better writer and looking at possible issues re: how you see relationships or certain people or whatever (this isnt just writers or artists btw, this is also you as the reader or the consumer or the person, existing in the world), but sometimes it’s just a fic that either was triggering for you, or that didn’t fill the specific narrative need you had.

again: i have written unhealthy relationships. i like writing codependence, and relationships with bad boundaries, and relationships where people are in denial about how their relationship makes them feel. i have, ON THE SAME FICS, had people say they thought it was validating; or cathartic; or respectful; or realistic and kind and compassionate portrayal of those relationship AND other people say they were uncomfortable; that they thought the narrative not using the word abuse meant it wasnt meant to be abuse (despite the ‘unhealthy relationships’ tag); that they thought it was disrespectful to write two characters they liked in an unhealthy relationship. and theyre all allowed to have those opinions! sometimes someone’s writing just doesn’t spark joy. but just because you didn’t like a fic doesn’t mean the writer has failed. when a fic writer has multiple people say ‘i liked this; this felt real; it felt compassionate and respectful and i will come back and read it again’ and one person say ‘i think this is bad’ i don’t think its... evil of the writer to say ‘yknow, im sorry you didn’t like this fic, you might want to read x fic where the story has a happier ending instead,’ and not change or delete or otherwise do anything to that fic.

i dont know guys like... again, just because you didn't like something doesnt mean theres something intrinsically wrong with it. and a loooooot of posts here conflate ‘this person wrote a fic that uncritically used a bunch of tropes the author did not tag for and thus was not even aware of having used and i have left a comment saying that the implications of that are kinda fucked’ with ‘this person wrote a fic about an abusive relationship/sexual assault/whatever and it wasn’t written the way i want those topics to be written about, and i have left them a comment saying that they need to kill themselves for it.’

#man....like......i have seen the fucked up shit on ao3. i truly have witnessed Some Shit. ive opened a fic and immediately backclicked #bc the way it depicted sensitive topics was just very callous and had an air of complete lack of research having gone into it #i have also read fic that i recognized was useful for other people probably but that was intensively triggering to me for no specific reason #sometimes things are handled in ways that arent necessarily...objectively bad. they just dont work for everyone #i rarely want to read any kind of 'this person is in a bad relationship and someone talks them out of it and then theyre happy' kinda stuff #my catharsis comes from the uncertainty of the ending and the emotional parts of the active relationship #theres like.....irl reasons for that. but people also dont need to have any specific tragic backstory to enjoy certain narratives more than #others. idk yall. whatever #long post #disk horse #rape ment

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indigopurple · 4 years

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Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

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theinterloper · 4 years

Text

moreeeee stuff about Hearthians’ reproduction, early evolution and... ghost matter! very much not solid theories and just idea to expand the world for Hearthains

gonna try and get into multiple parts of Hearthians in order to pull it all together that makes some more sense. obviously theres a lotta fiction ideas here, playing on existing things we know about biology! i try to take some of that to compare or use as examples to any new ideas i bring in here.

also dont be confused if these conflict with the previous post, consider it “over writing” my previous post in ways, bc that post was for stuff i wrote over a week ago! initially and ultimately the asexual reproduction i wanted to describe doesnt exist in our standards of science and additionally the terms we have dont make sense for my ideas, so some things have been added and adjusted to maybe sound better lol.

Early Evolution and genetics

Hearthians when living in the water, reproduced asexually like many small aquatic creatures. we are talking waaay far back, probably up to or before the Nomai discovered them. this isnt exactly common (by our standards) for a species that evolved into mammals, but i will get more into that here.

now, i cant describe what i want to say with terms like “vertical/horizontal gene transfer” because its a bit too strict and if anything its a whole new thing- but i imagine Hearthians, as asexual/sexual mammals, had a larger gene pool that allows them to put in and pull out genes from a previous generation that are left within their own dna. this isnt completely illogical (i think, but also its fiction so,) like, compare this in a sense to HGT where a bacteria could take in a gene from outside and pass it onto a clone of itself in order to have genetic variation..... this is just to a kind of different and larger scale.

Hearthians way back would mostly produce asexually in this way because it wouldnt require another creature and was faster. but they still had the option to mate with each other and would do so from time to time. hearthians produced a lot of offspring- but the present day Hearthians’ small numbers is due to the fact that many cross bred with other aquatic life or died off due to lack of food. sub species did not evolve into sapient life or they too went extinct over time.

Hearthians apparently took around 281,042 years to evolve as this is the length of time that the sun station has been offline- so lets just round that up to 300k years of evolution... to be a little more clear about the games’ somewhat lenient science fiction, it look humans around 6 million years to evolve (science summarizes it takes around 1 million years for an animal to evolve to where most are today). i say this to add onto more theories/headcanons, because thats a short span of time...

so, what if... hearthians mutated a lot more than normal? what if the ghost matter explosion caused mutations/its energy mutates the genes of Hearthians and additionally made them evolve faster? what if their genes are just fucked up a bit?? not to the extent of grotesque mutated monsters. minor things, like more gene variation or messing up their existing gene pool way more.

my ideas lean on Hearthians having been affected by the ghost matter in the middle of their evolution, when the comet exploded. this game has a lotta good timing/fate stuff with the Hearthians being left to discover the Nomai’s unfinished trail and this point gives another addition to the whole story. the Nomai were quite risky and almost too ambitious with their search and imo i feel they like wouldve failed if they truly attempted the ATP back then, so by fate they “had” to die by the Interloper/ghost matter or else You never wouldve been successful at finding the eye. in a sense and the ghost matter in some way had a hand in your species evolving in time for the end of the universe.

Effects of Ghost Matter

its hard for me to again give real science on how the ghost matter would affect the Hearthians, bc it not real real science. but basically while Ghost Matter kills anything not in water, i imagine it killed everything due to some sort ‘radiation’ kind of energy. not nuclear radiation but, radiation of some kind that is effected by water. probably not a “real” thing in terms of stuff that exists in our world.

the initial explosion was so intense that while it didnt kill the Hearthians under water, it still effected them regardless. it ‘tainted’ the land, plants, water and their molecular structure with its radiation. and with their large gene pool, lets just say it permanently fucked up their genes a bit and that huge leap in change continues to affect them. it also supported their ability to evolve quickly. the ‘radiation’ dies down over time though, but left an effect on them.

plants. this is just an idea i formed on a whim after hearing Porphy mention that Hearthians evolved by eating “lots of bad things”. i imagine personally that plants “reacted” to the ghost matter- they did not “die” like living mammals died from the matter due to whatever energy it was, but evolved to its explosion as a “threat”. the explosion and ghost matter was detected by the plants as a threat to them/their life and they evolved into being dangerous/poisonous. so hearthians grew in a planet that had very dangerous plants but they too evolved to a hardened stomach and could withstand the many minor protective measures the plants formed.

Sex/reproduction stuff. i dont consider this “NSFW” its just sciencey talks! talking about genitals though! please dont proceed if under 16, preferably. also slightly reformed ideas on the previous headcanon post, as i have added much more to my ideas!

As hearthians evolved, they grew into land mammals and with their size, asexual reproduction was not as convenient. it wasnt about the genetics, as those were fine mostly, but the energy it takes to do so. in terms of evolution it was a poor device as they evolved into land mammals, because it barely happened and it drained the parent of their nutrients- they were not producing a lot of offspring and thi danger meant they could go extinct. at the point where hearthians were evolving to land, it was impractical for them to lay an egg more than once/twice in their life.

asexual reproduction isnt completely gone, just that as they grew larger physically it was deemed less ideal by evolution standards to do it as much as they did when they were tiny little things in the water. mostly with their gene transferring abilities, their reproduction still has some level of variance that fluctuates in extremes depending on the gene pool the parent personally has or if other stored sperm exists.

they were always equipped with organs for reproduction, but that were not used much within their early evolution. internally, Hearthians have “eggs” that are fertilized by “sperm” to create an embryo. Said “sperm” also is attached to an internal organ that does physically move in order to reach the egg. this organ can be seen from the entrance of the vagina during the period of self-fertilization. eventually said organ was used externally as it became more clear that hearthians needed a more reliable/less exhausting method of reproduction.

self fertilization isnt always successful due to literal failures to fertilize physically (incorrect position, dead sperm, etc) which is why the two times in which an egg is created this way may not even create a live embryo, thus this method being ultimately unreliable for the Hearthians to thrive.

mentioned before- due to their old more common asexual ways, they experience a “cycle” for reproduction. it is typically once or twice in their life and occurs over the span of almost a year. within this period is the highest success rate for fertilization (usually mid way through).

adding onto the gene transferring nonsense, a Hearthian’s past abilities to store old genes from their days of constant asexuality becomes relevant in their partner sexual reproduction as well. when mating with another Hearthian, the one being inserted into will store the other’s sperm/genes regardless of whether or the creation of an egg is intended, which is what their hgt/vgt-like gene transferring did many times in the past as they evolved. this does in fact allow them to store sperm of multiple donors, to mix together genes when fertilizing an egg. it is not the sperm they store, but the genes within a sample of sperm.

#Hearthians #headcanons

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hitchell-mope · 5 years

Text

Just put on the movie

And there we go. The dedication is there.

Oh god the rapping.

My palms will be bloody by the time this is over.

But I like the parallels to the first movie

To much auto tune

There goes my heart Disney.

Oh lord that’s high

Bbys. Smee twins

WHY WASNT DIZZY THERE FROM FILM TWO

There’s my child Celia

MY BOY!!!!

I mean Mal has a point.

He thinks it through

I love him so fucking much

Loving Doug’s hair

Rat bastard. Rat bitch. Rat fairy (Adam belle Verna)

Fuck off leah chad Audrey

😍😍😍😍. This version is better then d1

SUCK IT PASTEL COW

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Oh Evie love. Just tell him you love him

FUCK OFF YOU GERIATRIC BITCH

YES WE WOULD PREFER MAL TO YOU YA BITCH

I hate you Adam and belle

Ben and the other three are adorable family

Still hating Audrey. So. Fucking. Much

Love the purple limo

WHY IS TREMAINE NICE. IT MAKES NO SENSE

Bal parent vibes are strong

They shoulda painted the limo roof purple

Dying of cuteness

Proud fiancé Mal. Love it

Fuck off leah

Here’s papa hades. And the ham.

DRAGON MAL. WHOO HOO

Ah well. Nice while it lasted

NOT HER JOB PASTEL COW

So. Much. Ham.

Poor girl. Ouch.

🤮🤮🤮🤮. I still hate her and her geriatric bitch of a grandmother

Oh bitch please. First words out of your mouth were creel. And it ain’t abated

I’m supposed to be sorry for this sad act? I don’t think so

So. Much. Rapping

Oh. SPARE ME WOMAN

Still theft. Throw her on the isle with her grandmother

Lonely and friendless. Because Mal is so much better then you ya limp noodle

Gotta be bad on the back

YOU DESERVE A SLAP AROUND THE FACE YOU SPOILED BRAT

Seriously though. The actual singing is better then the rapping. So gotta give satah her dues

Fuck off grown ups.

YOU PUT THEN THERE IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACD

Blue bitch. Just like always belle

Ok. People. You can see it’s hurting bal to do this. KILL THE BEAST

DONT CRY BABY BOY. PLEASE. LAST TIME ALMOST KILLED ME

Murder. The fucking. Parents

Evie. Evie’s sensible. Listen to your sister Mal.

And here comes the guilt. Like always. The narrative blames Mal

That darn cake

Ah. Pain. Hug them now

And jump scare

Oh god. Shut up Audrey. You’re a sore loser

Eh. The prosthesis look ok

Audrey. Nutter. Ben was more then ready to start the honeymoon when Mal was a dragon. Do you really think a hag would stop him?

😂😂😂😂

Oh boy

That’s a lie and you know it bluey.

At least the bikes have an explanation

Why the red for Evie though

And the mutt speaks

Fuck off Chad. I hate you so much

This bitch again

So shrieky.

Kiss ass

Real original

Jump Jane jump!

So many neck cricks

No one tells him anything

Cella’s right Mal

Overly long gag. But cute

Awww 🥰🥰🥰🥰. At least he’s a good dad

Nice reference

And the fear mongering begins.

And here’s the cryptid. He shoulda died in it’s going down

Psycho bitch pirate whore

Cella’s a troll and I love it

The vehicle needs an oil change

At least he’s sleeping. Though that position can not be comfortable

At long last the reveal.

He’s funny. And hot. (I can see where @mochacake2016 is coming from)

We know! We know

And here’s the music

😂😂😂😂.

He’s got a point

Ok.

THERES NO PHONES ON THE ISLAND QUEEN MAL

She actually sounds like jade west here

So far. Besides the proposal. This is my favourite song. Mostly for Hades great looks. Great voice

And the tambourine

Would be better with purple and blue fire effects. But no. We can’t have nice things. They spent the budget on pirate whores make up

She’s got a point. They both do

LISTEN TO HIM

Proud papa

C’mon girl. Cry

Of course she told her sister

He’s a good king.

T-shirt should be ripped.

🤮🤮🤮🤮. Hate her so much

And. Here. We. Go.

Benny. I love you. But did you not hear what she said to Evie when you first met the vks. Of course not. You were lost in Mal’s eyes.

Oh god. PLEASE SOMEBODY GO AND MELT HER

Whore man is probably skunk drunk. Gil’s cute as ever though

Throw hook in the water. And keep it there.

🎶she’s back🎶

And there screwed

He makes feel physically sick

Uma. I love ya. But honestly. Mal owes no one anything. It’s not her job.

No it ain’t

Jay’s got a point

Oh honey

Hook. In the words of the irreverent Captain Jack Sparrow “if the bikes be crashed properly. You be crashed along with it”. Not you Gil. I like you

Mother hen strikes again. Uma ain’t buying what she’s selling

Pure child Celia. (I don’t use this very much but) Gil’s babey (it feels wrong to type£

Chicken arms. No brains. No wit. No dance skills. No rapping skills. Ya basically a walking corpse hook

The dogs giving me a nervous twitch.

I hate the pair of them so no. No sympathy for prince douche bag

Gil makes me cry so simply

Stab the pirate jay. Please. For all of us

Psycho bitch

I want. It. Dead. Brutally. Dead

And more music. If this weren’t Disney they coulda melted them yo pukes of goo and pour it down Harry’s throat.

Oh god

So she can’t count either. Just like her brother

Definitely cha cha slide.

Deep sigh

So much ham.

Here’s a funny idea. How about instead of a bloody pantomime. ACTUALLY FUCKING FIGHT YOU FECKERS

Synchronised armour dancing. That’s new

Oh for fuck sake

Ha ha. Save it for the sob story bitch

What’s next a kick line

Thank god I was wrong.

Hook should be suffocated under the armour right now. Put us out of our misery

Care bear alert

I had to have a flu jab today. And it weren’t as painful as every single nanosecond hooks on screen

Love the platonic affection (I hate the very concept of malvie. What did you expect?)

Mother alert

Don’t eat wild fruit honey

So cute. But so dumb

Oh. Phineas and Ferb reference

Awww babies.

Don’t you dare tell me Mal doesn’t care.

THEY FOUND DOUG

Uma’s so done with care bear bs

More singing. Yay(!)

Please. Remind me again exactly why this is a DCOM. Cause it honestly does not feel like it what with the backstory pirate whores entire existence and the choreography

How has evie not broken a leg in this number.

Believe me Mal and Uma. I feel your frustration they go together like peanut butter and chocolate spread. (Perfectly if you didn’t know)

Where is she going?

She knows how R&J ended right? Double suicide. Why the romanticism huh?

HE IS NOT A RAG DOLL! Though props to Zachary for not corpsing

How can you hate Doug. He’s adorable. Best straight couple ever

There’s ma boy. Rip Harry’s throyatvout plwae.

Ben’s always been hot. But this is definitely working for me.

Awww. Carlos helping his papa

Wet Ben. Yum

Awww. Janelos cuteness.

Love the beard. So good. 🤤🤤🤤🤤

Someone murder the man whore before I do.

He makes me wanna throw up. And I’m not physically capable of doing that

@rpsocsandcanonohmy. I get where you’re coming from. But I also get where Ben is coming from. Sunbeam did get him abducted. And man slut tried to feed him to sharks. So I do understand both points. Doesn’t mean you’re wrong though

JUST. EXPLAIN. HIS MIND IS BEAST ADDLED

Shoulda let Ben slash hooks throat jay. You’re slipping buddy

Mal’s eating crow

Hopefully he chad suffocates. Then she’s have done one thing that wasn’t completely worthlessly reprehensible

🎶feelings🎶

And it had to ruin it

Te-am work. As plankton says

Proud sister

Boys are back. (With dude and the mutt in tow)

YAAAAAAAAAY

I hate happy harry. But I do like happy Uma. Eh. Double edged sword

BAL THIRST. FINALLY

Shoulda gone with Janelos. Jarlos is from big time rush

Oh they’re so cute

Poor Doug.

DOUG AND GIL FRIENDSHIP.

So. Update. Might be like Mal. (Definitely loving Ben’s facial hair)

Yawning over chad. So pathetic

Her seat from him douchey mcuseless

Poor Janey

Cats outta the bag

Once again. I kinda understand all points. Yeah Mal shouldn’t have lied. But Uma didn’t really give her and choice. And Evie just kinda assumed. And no one really lets her explain anything.

Hooks still pathetic. Even hurt emotionally I still wanna punch his roger rabbit looking face (Sorry Roger)

Oh dear

Mal. Don’t apologise. You did what you felt you needed to do. And no gives you a chance to explain. Ever.

Yes. You needed to do what you could.

Excellent acting all around as usual

Evie. Look. I love you. Your favourite number seven. But WHY IS IT YOUR SISTERS JOB. WHY DOES EVERYONE MAKE IT MALS PROBLEM

Ha! Evie said it. She said family.

Oh fuck. Taken for granite

More singing.

Monster/story/invincible

I do want to stab Harry in the mouth with the hook

More flashback. Yay(.). Couldn’t they fill out the runtime

Flashbacks. TO THE START OF THE SO G THE FLASHBACK IS FROM. OH FOR FUCK SAKES

More dragon.

Audrey’s performance might make me a vegetarian

How is it not crushed by the claws?

Fire should be green

Yay. Auds dead. Please say yes?

The twins say literally one thing

From magical incantation to vaguely irritating verbal tick. Well alright then

Evie. Why do you sound so sad. It’s a good thing Audrey’s dying. The ultimate price and all that. You should be glad. It’s a good thing

Mal: he’s my father. Ben: shocked face. Me: makes a sound like a boiling kettle

Bye bye facial hair

Die slut

More eating crow

The in laws meet

Exactly hades. Exactly. Knee beast in the dick

God Ben’s so hot.

Bite Adam’s throat out please hades

Should’ve let Audrey waste away. And sent granny to Tartarus to meet her

OH SPARE ME YOUR BLEEDING HEART ROUTINE! I still hate you in a fundamental level

OH FINALLY YOU GERIATRIC BITCH

Nice little family moment

What the fuck is Evie’s dress?

Queen Mal has a very nice ring to it.

Sure you can. You owe them noting. You owe nobody anything

Jay has a pull back braid in his hair. Yay!

“Audrey would be gone”. You say it as though that’s a bad thing

“Insert woody woodpecker laugh”. Fuck you Adam

Compromise. Bring the vks over. And plop Adam Audrey chad anleah on the isle. Sink it into the ocean

Why didn’t Verna bring the barrier down. Oh yeah. Cause then she’d be useful

More singing

At least this takes place in daylight

I still hate harry

Push Harry in the drink please. IM LITERALLY BEGGING YOU

God I love Ben and Doug

Why the Charleston?

I still hate tremaine

Well. Jane. In ZM. You met Mal. She’s Carlos’s mother in this au

Giljay. It’s cute

So Harry makes me ill right upbto the end. Now he’s related to purple and blue

🎶a bitch is in the dog house🎶. And deservedly so

🤮🤮🤮🤮

Sweet little king

Oh boy

Whore has a turkey neck

This is the end. Good movie. With some unneeded bits. I’m gonna change a lot in ZM part three. And both dedications broke me.

#disney descendants #descendants 3 #anti harry x chad #anti harry x doug #anti harry x jane #harry x jay #anti harlos #anti malvie #anti haudrey #anti benrry #anti harry hook #anti audrey daughter of sleeping beauty #anti chad charming

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tellmesomethinggg · 4 years

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****

linking this here bc it was technically a journal? i just don’t want it on my notes anymore and if i ever (likely not to) want to re-read for whatever reason. please note that i knew people would read this so things are censored and are the basic version. also there was a switch at one point from **** to chris because i didn’t want things to be read

(for later when i got time lmao)

Matt is a piece of shit that just wants to fuck -Chloe

well fuck

here goes nothing

the plan: don’t get drunk bc i got shit to do early next morning and ill tell him tomorrow when i do get drunk. spoiler alert that didn’t work

Gaby (coles gf) came too btw

so i had a smirnoff ice and said no more than two shots after so id be buzzed but not fully drunk (i ended up having three and was very much drunk)

me jon and gaby we’re talking about guys and i mentioned something about liking a guy or some shit and gaby looks at matt and then me and confirms it with me. then she tells me that apparently when she met me and a few other friends at the beach last quarter, that she predicted the two of us would end up together and told cole this. im like wtf how and she claims she’s psychic lol

later, Matt and i are on the sack and he looks at me and goes do you like me and im thinking well fuck so i say yes and he’s like well shit sorry but (and then i forgot exactly what he said) something along the lines of it’s not mutual or it’s not the right timing (i forgot okay) and then he gets up after a bit to go to the bathroom (I’m pretty sure cole went out too) and then me gaby and Jon have a chisme session and they think that he does like me but whatever

so the guys come back and at this point i really need to pee again so matt offers to take me and we start talking and he’s all, oh im sorry if i led you on and shit and im like it’s alright ill get over it, it just might be a bit awkward for me for a bit. but then on our way back from the bathroom he asks me , do you wanna at least kiss your crush at least one time and im like uhh yeah so he kisses me and then we start talking but i forgot about what and im kinda dizzy so he says, oh let’s sit on the couches for a bit before we go back, so we do and somehow we kiss again and then start making out

and at this point im like bitch there’s no way you don’t like me like why would you do that if you didn’t

so we finally go back and it’s been some time so the rest of em are obviously curious

matt goes with cole to the bathroom again and the three of us have a chisme session otra vez and they’re like yeah he fucking likes you he’s prob just scared bc of his last relationship

cole comes back in and basically backs up their side based on his convo he just had with matt

and so it’s decided that we’ll both sleep on the sack, Jon sleeps on his bed and the other two together in coles bed

he comes back and we all “go to sleep” but I push for him to hold me like he usually does whenever we sleep together and around like 2,3 am we both start making out again and just like uhhhh

also we’re both very much drunk but of course i tend to remember things whenever ive gotten drunk, however, he did not and so now we gotta talk and figure shit out and go from there

also im not telling Emilou or Hanna yet until we figure things out so

yeah

fuck

alrighty, so after last night, ive decided to do absolutely nothing about it and decided to just let things play out the way things do. i don’t wanna say something and ruin our friendship that we have bc i trust him a lot and like hanging out with him, so, i guess the end of this note for now, unless the situation changes anytime soon

Can Tim see what I write on this? -Chloe

Yes -Janet

Hi Tim!

-Chloe

Tim pls respond.

-Chloe

Hi Chloe! Sorry I have been busy at home LOL

He responded I’m so happy!

-Chloe

FYI im just going to add things at the top of the note so that its easiwr to see stuff when i add it bc then otherwise youd have to scroll a ton

and I’m dating shit so i know when I wrote stuff and my memory and yeahhh

FEB 15 1 pm

chillin in alp so lets get this chisme

alrighty so last night i stayed the night in pratts but it wasnt just me so calmate, it was me and jon bc long story short i was too lazy/dizzy to get up and jons roommate had her bf over. basically we both shared the bed, not a lot of physical contact but whateva

brb

anyways, there was also one point where he was watching a movie from his childhood and idk what tf it was but he was shocked that i havent seen those movies, so apparently now im gonna watch them so i told him for payback we gotta watch disney movies lmao

oh also! i fucking got back to my room and took a shower to get ready for class, and when hanna gets back from class shes all like oh you slept in HiS rOoM huh and i was like uhhh yeah and told her the truth like i was too lazy and dizzy to get up and then she didnt really say anything but uhhhh yikes

and then i mentioned this to emilou later when we were walking to class and shes like yeah idk why she did that that was weird and i was thinking like thank God she doesnt think the same as hanna bc shes also slept in his room on the bean bag a few times

FEB 14 2pm

heyyy its valentines day and guess whos still single and workinggg

so uhhh last night, around 1, both me and pratt finished our shit (hw and studying) and im wide awake so im like hey, brooklyn 99? (because i got him into the show and i love rewatching the show bc its sooo good) and hes down so we start watching in his room. were both on his bed but were sitting (for the tie being) and eventually i decide to lay down and use one of his pillows but its the flat pillow so i attempt to steal his other one, which he protests and we lowkey wrestle over it and eventually i fail ugh and i fall over in frustration and land my head on his knee and then just quit and stay there, but get this, he just deals with it and lays on top of me, like his head is on my side. granted we both also have pillows so like his pillow is in between me and him and same for me but like ughhh

and eventually i fall asleep for like an episode (?) and wake up right before 3 am, and then decide hey sleep sounds important bc i have an 8 am and so does he, so i sit up but im too lazy to get up right away so i sit and go through twitter and shit so chris just lays down with his head on my leg and i set my arm down on his chest and he falls asleep for a few minutes and then i finish going through my social media and every part of me doesnt wanna move, but im also in a position that would be uncomfortable to fall asleep in so i wake him up and then go back to my room

oh and the other thing i forgot was that for a good couple hours we were texting and joking around and yeahhh

i feel like im reading a lot into what happens but at the same time, like i doubt id be this comfortable doing shit with guys like this and idk about him, but like sometimes i wonder you know?

also, saturday night, as far as i know, its just me and him going to the basketball game bc idk who else is going (eye emoji insert here bc im on my computer lmao) so we'll see what happens

FEB 10 11am

okay soooo last night,

the plan was to get buzzed, just me and matt and watch Brooklyn 9-9 but then Anthony and emilou joined us so never mind. after a bit, Anthony leaves so he can answer a phone call and pratt offers me shot #1 and not emilou (she’s laying on the bean bag, I’m on his roommates bed chillin behind her so she can’t see what’s up)

we take two and im slightly buzzed but i think “hey lets see how much we can take before she notices” and he’s down so uhhh let’s get this

later we have to include Anthony and he’s down to see how much we can take and he just lets us continue, i get to 4 shots and he finishes the bottle so i can’t have a 5th

brb im gonna go eat with him

okay im back now...

anyways were both pretty out of it, emilou still hasnt noticed and anthony finds this all funny i assume and so do i , and eventually she finds out and then the two of them leave i guess around 2 am and the two of us are both on the bean bag and were both tired and drunk and drunk me like petting his hair and apparently holding his hand and well yeah i kinda hate drunk me bc if that wasnt obvious enough lmao :/

continuin, we basically end up cuddled together most of the night until we both kind of sober up hella early in the morning and kind of separate a bit

and so in the morning guess who brought it uppp and i at least have an excuse that i was drunk and not thinking and just kinda doing whatever drunk me wanted to do (but omggg his hair is so fucking nice to play with omg) anyways imma just die real quick bc idk what happens now

also since no one else was in the room literally no one else knows about this and i think were keeping it that way bc lets be honest if anyone found out about that i think id be screwed for secret keeping and then well yeah

FEB 8 1AM

i remembered:

sunday 2-3

i forgot this happened but before I ended up in chris’s room i was chillin upstairs watching tv and then he came out on the phone with some one and long story short he said something on the phone to his friend along the lines of “you’re gonna have me in your life for a long time” and when he was saying that i was looking at him bc soy chismosa and i was curious and he winked at me and I died

Monday 2-4

so the other thing that happened was I had lunch/dinner with him before my writing class and no recuerdo que decimos, but uhhhh yeah

i like hanging out with him

also, just got back from his room and am more convinced that he may not like me but actually just sees me as a friend but at the same time maybe he does but IDK

i hate feelings and it’d be so much easier if i didn’t have them sometimes lmaooo

FEB 7 5-7 PM

so im currently in the room rn so im gonna try to make this as chronological as possible

saturday 2-2

alrighty so mind you this is the day ive volunteered with ship and have spent the whole day there, (i dont remember why i thought this was relevant :/)

so saturday night, i go to work in his room around 8 (?) so i can work on my essay and finish my shit bc he has a bean bag thats hella comfy to work on

andd so later on, jocelyn comes in to watch anime with him and then after i finish we all decide to watch gabriel iglesias and ended up squishing together on the bean bag with me in the middle of the two of them

and so were all chillin there, laughing whatever and at one point chris fucking pratt puts his head on my shoulder for a little bit and i dIeDddd

and eventually i fall asleep when we start watching emperors new groove and mind you im fucking next to chris pratt like uhhhh my GOD

so i wake up once the movies over and then go to the bathroom and come back and by then he has taken over the whole bean bag and im sad that i cant just get back and go back to sleep so i go back to my room

(hanna doesnt know what time i get back i think and im pretty sure it was around4 am) (emilous also not here bc she went home for the weekend)

sunday 2-3

so i decide hey i was productive yesterday and decide to return to his room to work on shit and try to get as much done before work in theevening

i finish around 1/2? and then i tell him im bored and i wanna do something before work but idk what so he says lets go to the rec room and its just the two of us and its chillin and he puts me on his story playing pool lmao

and then i go to work :(

but then THEN later after work i go for a run and end up back in his room and theres a couple other people there and so were all chilling (mind you this is around midnight)

and somehow i end up falling asleep on the bean bag next to this girl jon from my hall and (this is a secret in a secret) but i hear her get up at one point and then chris pratt then joins me and during the night im tossing and turning and leaning on him a bit (ughhhh i died a shit ton)

monday 2-4

so in the morning around 720 or so i wake up pay dumb and am like oh whend you get here and he explains and then hes like yeah i dont really know the girl who slept in my bed (one of jons friends) and i figured since im more comfortable with you id just move here (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck me upppp) [please note that when i say fuck me up i dont mean that type of fuck]

alrighty thats what i remember that i havent told you, and then the other bit from the screen record was tuesday and now its thursday and here i am in guess whos room again

possibly staying the night lmao

but jons also here so its not like im staying the night staying the night

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binibningmaria-blog · 4 years

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I am Maria Juliana Marin, standing 5'6 weighing 52kgs 18 yrs old born on September 6,2001 at Quezon City but now resides at Santa Rosa City. My parents are Julie Ann Marin currently works abroad and Dixzeus Marin Call Center Agent, I have two younger sibs Kurt, 10yrs old and Sam,6.

The struggle is real with my mom being far away from us, as an Ate I lead the house choirs, and help out my siblings to their assignments and everything at first it was really kinda hard but as time goes by I have already adjusted to our situation. Plus I do really value my moms sacrfices just to give as a decent life and best education, sending me and my sibs to best school available. In return I try hard to take care of my siblings and focus on my study.

18 yrs old, a typical teen ager, Im now an SHS at STI College Santa Rosa.

Going through what teens usually goes through, Im an ABM student, I chose ABM because I wanted to build my own business when time has come. So as a student at my school I can say it was really the best one, for the past 1 year and now my last year of staying here at STI it wasnt that smooth all the time but it was really challenging

I remember one time me and my friend cried while doing our iLs in fear of not being able to make it to deadline😂 surely our teachers gave us enough time or I can say morethan enough, but students saying was #crammersprevail but pls dont get me wrong, just an info, you wont survive at STI if you cram all the time hehe.

Morethan the acads twas the relationship that Ive built with my classmates and teachers, memories, the cries, laughs those "takas" times we've done just to have lunch at ambens hahaha those memories that will last.

Fast forward to one of students favorite times

Siglakas the time when students get to show off their skils and strength in sports/dancing and some in plain cheering to their schoolmates. On the other hand I played Basketball, a captain ball thats why I got no time to take selfie, but I can say it was really the best having to olay at balibago court being watched and cheered by my teachers and classmates got me like 🥰🥰

Inserting a photo *ABM bball boys being coached by kuya Mico Abejero

18 yrs of existence, I have a lot of moments when I wanted to just give up and not care anymore because it can be very tiring and exhausting doing it every single day. It’s just that I love my mother very much, and my siblings mean a lot to me. I pray to God earnestly to give me the strength to do what I can to help especially since my mother is away. I’m all the “Ate-Mother” that my siblings can get. I also make sure to let my mother know how I feel so these feelings don’t get bottled up. I have a great circle of friends, and I keep the faith alive by going to church regularly. It’s important to have safe outlets or channels to open up to so that I can cope with the difficulties I face.

In a few more months, it will be our graduation. It may be the end of Senior High School, but it also signals the start of a new phase. I dream to be a Pilot, to soar the sky high. They say it’s next to impossible, that it’s too expensive, too difficult subjects to pass. I don’t get discourage despite all that because I know what’s in my heart. I want to be a Pilot and I’m going to be one. All of those hindrances are just steps that I should take one by one so I can realize my dream. I will travel the world and I will travel it with my loved ones. It may not be today, but I know that day will come. I’m just blessed that my family has got my back on this, they support me in all that I plan and just wants me to be the best I can be.

Faith, hope, love and respect- four big words that I want the world to remember with my story. Faith that everything will just work out fine. Hope that good days will come. Love is all you need- including love of your own self. Finally, respect that God has a plan for you if you put him above the rest. This is not the end of my story, and I can’t wait for the next chapters to come. Bring it on! Thank you STI!!

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missblissy · 5 years

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Title: Free Fall Fandom: Red Dead Redemption Genre: Reader-insert, one-shot Character: Arthur X Reader

Follow me on AO3!! Read it there too!

Description: You and Arthur go for a hunting trip into Big Valley but some trouble comes along for the ride too. Things don’t turn up as planned. At all..

It wasn’t all that bad this morning. The rain from the night before had finally started to dry, and everyone started to come out of hiding.

Hosea was already up long before you, sitting by the campfire of the Horseshoe Overlook camp. Pearson had just gotten up too along with Grimshaw. You walked over to Hosea and sat down beside him.

“Good morning,” He said, handing you a small cup of coffee he had waiting beside him.

“Morning,” Your voice was still a little rough, “Thanks,” You took the cup, bringing it right up to your nose and let the steam flow over your face. It was far more refreshing than the chilly wet morning.

You look at Hosea, he seemed worried like always. All this stress of moving and running from the law has turned his hair even whiter and put more wrinkles on his face. He wasn’t looking too good. Every morning though, at every camp, for the last several years, you’ve woken up to spend your morning coffee with the old man. He was the father you never got to have.

“Got any plans for today?” Hosea took a drink from his coffee then looked over to you.

“Mhm,” You weren’t much for words this early. You took a sip of the coffee and then shrugged, “I’m not sure yet... We just got here, it’s only been a couple of days. There is a lot of work to do around camp still.”

“Yes, there is,” He sounded tired, “Maybe you should go hunting. The weather is perfect,” All of a sudden there was a little twinkle shining in his eye, “Years ago...” He started his story with a little smile, “When I was out in this country with some old counterparts, we heard of this huge- I mean really huge buck, right in the heart of Big Valley.”

“Yeah? Did you go after it?” You sat up a little straighter trying to get the hunch out of your back. You saw Abigal and John already having some sort of argument.

Hosea laughed a little and shook his head, “Didn’t even see it. Spent a whole week out there. Not a single damn thing. Nothing. We had better luck hunting the flies that piled around our shit.”

You both laughed at that. Chuckling under your breath, you asked, “You think it’s still out there?”

“Maybe,” Hosea took a sip of his coffee, “I’m not entirely sure, but it’s possible it’s still out there,”

“What’s still out there?”

You nearly jumped out your skin and screamed like a little animal. Arthur was standing behind you two with a bowl of stew in his hands. He had the smallest smirk on his face. So small you could barely even see it. Your heart started to pick up and inside your head, you were spazzing out. But you calmed down from the surprise and cooly said, “Huge buck, up in Big Valley,”

“You don’t say?” Arthur looked interested. You tried your best not to look at him too much. Some days you just wanted to stare from dawn till dusk at that man. Rarely did you ever get the chance to. He was always off doing this and that, running around like a little pack mule for Dutch.

You looked between the two men, and listened as Hosea said, “Why don’t you two go hunting?” You didn’t say anything and just kept sipping at your coffee. Truth is... You and Arthur... Haven’t been getting along too well recently.

Since the whole Blackwater incident, since you saw Dutch... Do that.. do what he did to that girl, your faith in the gang, in Dutch, has been unshaken. Hosea was the only one you could stand to even be around because he was the only one here who knew any better than Dutch, but nobody listened to him much.

It was hard, having to see the small family you loved finally start falling apart. From the start, it had just been the five of you. Hosea, Dutch, Arthur, John and little you. You watched people come and go, many of them died, but it was always you guys.

The last time you spoke to Arthur though, was up in the mountains during the blizzard when he came back with Kieran. You fought over letting that poor guy go, but Arthur insisted on following Dutches orders, and you argued that Dutch wasn’t fit to lead this gang anymore. That was about a week ago. You haven’t spoken since.

There was silence for a bit, you didn’t want to answer or get your hopes up that Arthur would want to go on a hunting trip with you. You did miss him a lot. Arthur was by far one of your favorite people, probably the only person you’d die for. He was, to say the least, the man of your dreams. He was just so... wrapped around Dutch’s finger.

Finally, after a minute or two, Arthur said, “Sure,” and looked down at you. He trapped a finger on your head a few times, “You up for it?”

“Yeah, I suppose. A buck that big could feed the camp for a week,” You were actually very excited to go. It was so hard to keep all those emotions inside and keep your cool and laid back facade.

The three of your got up and started walking through camp. Hosea spoke up and walked between you and Arthur, “Excellent!” He seemed so happy to have the both of you -sort of- talking again, “You’ll need some supplies and I’ll let Dutch know you’ll be out,” Hosea handed you a small bag filled with who knows what he meant by ‘supplies.’

He rushed you off and left with a smile and a wave about how he was going to go read some book. The silence returned between you and Arthur and you felt the need to fill it.

You climbed up on your horse and got comfortable in your saddle, “You know which way we’re headed?” Arthur just let out a little grunt. That meant yes, “Take the lead then.” You said.

The ride, for the most part, was silent and little slow paced. You watched Arthur up front as he took his time to look at the world around him. He seemed just as tired as Hosea. You wanted to fill the void with between you and Arthur so you caught up and rode beside him.

The sun had just barely made it over the hills, the sky was a painting of red, pink, blue, orange and purple. It was beautiful. So you chose that to be the topic of your small talk, “A perfect sunrise, don’t you think?”

“It is,” He agreed, “Aren’t they your favorite?”

“Yeah, it is.” You felt a little smile twitch at your lips. He remembered... It made your heart swell in your chest and your brain scream. It was so difficult being around Arthur now. Since your fight with him, things have changed in a way you didn't think possible. The fight... you both said something that hurt and shouldn't have been said.

The real problem was the denial you were in about how you felt about Arthur. You loved him, honestly, that's what it was. You loved him more and more and every day you shoved those feelings down and told yourself I'm not good enough for him. He's had so many heartbreaks. He's not looking for love. While at the same time you also told yourself he didn't want someone like you. Someone stubborn, someone temperamental and someone who he probably saw more of as an annoying sibling and less of a romantic interest. You know what he wanted. He wanted Mary.

There was silence again. It was awful. It never bothered you until the fight. You use to sit with Arthur for hours on end, never speaking a word, just reading a book while he wilted a stick with his knife. You had to fill the silence, you wanted to talk to him. You wanted him to talk to you.

The sun was well and high into the sky now. You cleared your throat and said, "Do... You remember..." You paused to see if he was listening. You could tell he was because you saw the side of his face and ear facing you, "You remember that time when we were really young, and Hosea was teaching us how to hunt with a bow?"

"Oh yeah, I couldn't shoot an arrow worth nothin," There was a little smile on his face. You rode your horse up to match his speed.

There was a grin on your face and gave him a look, "But I could! I remember the look on Dutch and Hosea's face when I got a bullseye on my first try!"

You both chuckled, while Arthur said, "And John was being a little shit because he couldn't figure out how the hell to shoot an arrow," You remember that day fondly.

"Dutch was so proud of us. He couldn't shut up about how his three kids were learning to hunt and shoot.... and kill," You said that last part with a little bit of regret. You've come to blame Dutch for making you the person you were. But you kept that part to yourself.

"He was. Hosea too," Arthur carried the conversation on, "They share whiskey with us for the first time too, didn't they?"

"Ha, they did!"

As the day went on and you rode on, you and Arthur shared memories of better times. Talking about the old days made you nostalgic in a bad way. It made you realize how much has changed, how much the world was changing. How much you wanted to go back in time and live there forever. Eventually, the ride came turned from open fields to trees and mountain paths. When you finally go to Big Valley you were greeted with huge meadows filled with flowers of all kinds. It was so amazing and beautiful as the flowers made waves of there own in the wind. It was like watching the water on a beach.

You chose a spot to make camp past the open fields and more into the trees. While you hitched the horses and took care of them, you watched from the corner of your eye as Arthur rolled some logs over and made a little fire pit. He was busy, so you tried to leave him be. You didn't want to force him to deal with you. While he was doing that, you started going through the bag of 'supplies' that Hosea gave you.

Sitting down on one of the logs, you until the little string holding the bag closed. You find some pretty basic things. Berries, oats, bait, can of coffee, some cans of beans... And.. Did...? Was that? Moonshine?

Really now? "That god damn bastard," You smile and mutter those words under your breath as you pull out not one, but two big bottles of moonshine.

You looked around for Arthur, wanting to tell him about this little surprise, and you find him a few feet away chopping logs in half. By... God. That was a sight to see. There he was, Arthur Morgan, in the afternoon sun. Sweating. Showing off his arms with his sleeves rolled up like that. You quickly looked away. There those feelings were again. Strong and loud. Your heart raced and you shook your head to push those thoughts away. Instead, you stared at your hands and thought... Just once you thought, what if... Arthur loved you back. It made your face heat up, it made your palms sweaty. You thought and thought and started to get scared because you knew you were only going to hurt yourself if you actually kept feeling those feelings.

"(Y/N)!"

"Huh!?" You sat up straight and looked up. Arthur was standing right in front of you, he must have been talking to you. Oh no... "What?"

"I said... What you got there?" You looked down at the moonshine he was pointing at.

"Oh... uh," You were still a little flustered from before and your brain was having a hard time catching up, "Um," You handed him one of the bottles, "Hosea must have packed it to celebrate maybe?"

Arthur cracked it open and sat down beside you on the log. You were so lost in your thoughts earlier that you didn't even notice that he had set up a tent and even got the fire going. You were surprised when Arthur started during the moonshine. He took a long swig and cringe as the alcohol burned down his throat.

When he handed the bottle to you, you asked, "Don't want to save it? You.. know... for later? After we get the buck?" He shook his head, "Why not?"

"We'll get the buck tomorrow," He said as you took a little sip of the moonshine. You waited for him to explain a little more but he never said anything.

“So..? Why did you come out here then?” You stared down at your fingers as you twisted them together. You set the moonshine down between the both of you.

Arthur just let out a little grunt and nodded his head side to side slowly, “I needed a break. From all of that.” He waved his hand in the air like you knew what he was trying to say.

It took you a few seconds but then you suddenly got, “You mean the camp?”

“Mhm,” Arthur was back to drinking more of the booze, “Everyone has been getting on my nerves lately, it’s ridiculous. I can’t stand those idiots.” He made a face that reminded you of just how much Arthur enjoys his silence and isolation from the vast majority of the world. He was a loner and a stubborn one too.

“Oh…” You said as he offered the moonshine to you and you turned it down, “Well I can…Leave.”

“Nah,” He drawled out, “I can stand you. It’s Micah… Bill. Uncle. A little bit of John too,” He paused then put the moonshine back and his face grew dark, “And Dutch.” You felt something in the air that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. You arm hairs stood up and you got a chill that ran over your skin. Arthur hunched forward resting his elbows on his knees and looked down at the ground. His hat was covering face for the most part.

He started to talk, but he got stuck on the words, “I… I know…” He stopped and cursed under his breath, “I know what you saw back in Blackwater changed you,” You didn’t really want to have this conversation right now. It bothered you that he was bringing this up again, “I know you’re not happy with the gang right now,” He took a breath and let out a heavy sigh that carried more weight than you could ever know, “And… I don’t blame you…”

His words surprised you. This was far different from the Arthur you argued with a week ago. He didn’t want to listen to you or even consider what happened in Blackwater. He blindly looked to Dutch and didn’t question his actions. Now it looks like Arthur was confused, even hurt a little.

“I’ve heard around from other people about what he did and I-” Arthurs words were cut off by the sound of gunfire incredibly close to your campsite. The both of you looked around quickly and into the trees. The evening sun painted the sky orange and white, making it a little harder to see if anyone was coming from the tree line.

The gunshots got closer and closer still and you could faintly hear shouting too. Arthur tapped your shoulder and pointed to the little creek down the hill, “Look,” You both found some cover behind a large boulder, “Someone’s being chased,”

You saw a man running for his life. He looked beat up, bloody and broken. He was screaming and stumbling every step he took. Following him close behind were a group of men on horseback.

“O’driscolls,” You muttered with malice in your voice, “Why are the O’driscolls up here too? How many of those bastards are there?”

“I don’t know, but it looks like they’re headed this way,” They killed the man they were chasing and started looting his body. You saw one of the men point in your direction. The fire! It was leaving a smoke trail for them to follow up and find you.

You looked at Arthur and he looked back to you. You shared some unspoken words and a simple nod. He ran left into the cover of some bushes and you went right and found a tree to hide behind. You pulled your revolver out and gripped the gun tight.

As the O’driscalls got closer you could hear them speaking.

“Ya think they still here?”

“They couldn’t have gotten too far,”

You peeked out and saw four men. They had walked past the bushes Arthur had hid himself in and closer to the tree you were at. The tallest O’driscoll said something about your horses and got yelled out, “We know ya still here! Come on out now or will kill ya nice and slow!”

This was it. You took a breath and calmed yourself down. You’ve done this before. No need to get nervous now. It’s just some O’driscolls, they’re nothing.

You walked out from behind your tree with your hands in the air, “I’m out!” You yelled at them. You took them by surprise and they all pointed their guns at you, “I’m out! I came out!” You slowly lowered your revolver down, “I don’t want any trouble now,”

“Well you got some trouble,” An ugly looking man pointed from you to your horses, “What about your friend? We know there are two of ya,”

“He’s hunting,” You lied coolly. Your revolver was still being lowered, “It’s just me. Take what you want,” The O’driscolls started lowering their guns too and walking closer towards you and your camp. As soon as your gun was by your side was when Arthur jumped from the bushes and gunfire cut the silence of the valley and gunsmoke filled the air.

It was an all out shoot out. You dove to the ground and took cover behind your tree while two of the O’driscolls ran off and the other two went for you. You shot at them, filling them with bullets, hoping they die slowly. Arthur had gone after the other two men while you shot down and killed the taller O’driscoll. The other one, the ugly one, was bleeding out but still hiding behind a log. He took random shots and one hit you and grazed right through your arm. You shouted out in pain and swore. You could see Arthur a few feet away beating the shit out of one of the men. He must have killed the other one.

“Fuck! Argh!” It felt worse than it looked. There was a clean cut on your shoulder that already started to bleed, but other than that you were fine. You took a stupid risk, filled with rage and pissed out of your mind that this bastard actually nipped you, you ran out from behind your tree and straight for the O’driscoll. He didn’t even see you coming, he was busy shaking and trying to reload his gun. When he saw you, the look on his face was fear and he was crying. He started to plead with you, saying he didn’t want to do this and that hated his life as an outlaw. He even threw his gun to the side and put his hands up in the air.

Arthur had come running in and out of breath with his gun pointed at the little sad ugly man, “You gonna kill em?” He asked.

“Please! Please don’t kill me! I-I-I have… money! T-take it!” He tossed a few dollar bills onto the ground in front of your feet. You stared him down, getting closer. He was shaking like a leaf, “Look-look! You already shot me!” he did have a few bullet holes in his legs. One in his thigh and one below his knee.

“Looks like you’re already dead, don’t you think, Arthur?” You looked over to the stern man and he nodded his head.

“I’d reckon we should put him out of his misery,”

“N-no! No! Please! I-I-I-” The O’driscoll’s pleas were cut short. You shot him square between the eyes. You didn’t want to listen to him beg anymore and you’d rather get back to your campsite.

You reached down and hooked your arms under the dead man and started dragging him away, “Wanna help me get rid of the- Urgh! Shit!” You forgot you were shot and when you tried to lift the dead man your arm screamed out in hot pain.

Arthur came over and shuffled you away, “Go sit by the fire. I’ll take care of this,”

“No- I’m fine-” You tried picking up the body again but it hurt, even more, this time and it cause you to drop the body and fall with it too.

“Goddammit- Will you listen to me? You got shot for Christ's sake (Y/N)!” Arthur grabbed you by your good arm and helped you up. This was the first time you saw his face. He looked… worried? Upset? It was a mixture of many things but what stood out the most was how his brows were raised and knitted together and a sad little grimace was on his face. It was like he was the one in pain.

“I’ve been shot before,” You winced as he pulled you to your feet, “I’m fine, Arthur. It’s just a nip,” You looked to your shoulder and saw the blood stain soaking your shirt. It looked like you were still bleeding. Your sleeve was torn by the bullet so you pulled it back and gave the wound a real look. It didn’t seem that bad, just a medium-sized gash across your shoulder.

“Just go sit down, okay?”

You didn’t put up a fight anymore. You went to the campfire and sat down on a log. That moonshine looked really good right about now. You took your time swigging down have the bottle before Arthur came back. He sat down beside you an asked, “Can I see?” and gestured to your shoulder.

You nodded. He hesitated and his hand hovered over your shoulder like he was afraid of hurting you. He peeled back the clothes and started cutting the extras bits away. Arthur then reached into his satchel and pulled out some bandages.

The moonshine had started getting to your head so you found it a little funny, “You got everything in there, huh? Got any candy?”

He didn’t say anything but he went back into his satchel and gave you a chocolate bar. You burst out laughing, a little drunk, you found this absolutely hilarious. He gave you this look and raised a brow, “What on earth has gotten into you? And sit still dammit! I can’t fix you up if you keep moving,”

So you sat there drinking moonshine and chewing on some chocolate as Arthur took care of you. All those feelings you’ve been repressing started to come up again. You felt bad, guilty too. You easily feel down the trap that is the negative thoughts that can come with drinking. Arthur was almost done wrapping your shoulder when you made this sad little face.

“Arthur?” You were thinking about what he was saying earlier before the O’driscolls showed up.

“Yeah?” He didn’t look away from your arm, which was okay because you didn’t want him to catch you staring at him.

“I’m sorry…”

“Sorry?” He stopped and looked at you, to which you darted your gaze away and to the ground, “For what?”

“I’m sorry for what I said. About Dutch… and you…” You could still feel the venom and hate that you spat at him back then. You told him how Dutch was just... Not the same person anymore and how you wanted to leave the gang. That Dutch was going crazy with money and obsessed over power. You told Arthur he was a blind coward that couldn’t think for himself and depended on Dutch to keep him from becoming a sad and depressed old bag of useless shit… Just like his real father.

You waited for him to say something, but he was silent. So you rushed to talk again, “I-I… I shouldn’t have said those things. And-... We didn’t talk for a whole week. I missed you so much, Arthur. It was just a week and I felt like I lost you forever. We’re different.”

He finished bandaging your arm. He still stayed there sitting right beside you. You’re legs where touching and you stared at them as he started to speak, “Well,” he rubbed his chin, “I didn’t say anything nice either. I just really remember you saying you wanted to leave. I didn’t really get why. I didn’t see what Dutch did on that ferry but you did. And I was talking to Hosea, and John and everyone else. They all said things,” He paused and then shook his head, “I get it a little more now. You saw Dutch do something he said he’d never do. You saw the way he exploded and killed that woman. But I can’t have you leaving me just cause something bad happens.”

You’re eyes shot wide open and you looked up at Arthur, “...Me?”

“I-... I mean the gang. Can’t have you leaving the gang,” He looked down at the bottle of moonshine and snatched it up from you with a grumpy looking frown on his face, “Gimme some of that.”

“You said! Me! You said ‘I can’t have you leaving me.’ That’s what you said!!” Your drunk little brain was going wild. Normally you’d sit there and keep your cool but thanks to the booze that wasn’t going to happen.

“Alright!” Arthur snapped, “I said it! So what?”

You stole the moonshine back from him to drink some more and get up to your feet, “It means you want me around!” You smiled. You felt so much better hearing that. You were so afraid before that he’d never want to be around you again.

“I guess it does,” He had a small smile twitching on his lips, “I do want you around (Y/N). You’ve been around me almost all my life, it’d be… weird if you weren’t there.”

The first bottle of moonshine was already empty, “I want you around too. I love having you around,” You felt yourself getting a little dizzy so you sat down again. Your filter wasn’t on either, the words just puked out of your mouth like it was nothing, “I love everything about you, Arthur. I never want you to leave you or leave you behind,” You said it so casually but it took Arthur by surprise.

He was looking at with question in his eyes, “What's wrong?” You asked, “Do I got something on my face?” You started rubbing the back of your hand across your mouth and cheek.

That weird look on Arthur’s face was replaced with a warm smile, then a little chuckle, then a laugh, then huge fits of loud and booming giggles. He was laughing so much that you couldn’t help but laugh at yourself. What was so funny?

Arthur cracked open the second moonshine bottle and took a large swig, “Goddammit, (Y/N). You make it so hard,” He said between sips of the bottle, “You are one of the only good things to ever happen to me and you make it so hard for me to stay away from you,” He took another sip, “I was mad. I was mad as hell about what you said last week. I wanted to stay mad at you forever. I stayed away. I did. It didn’t work. Every morning you came out of your tent all sad and heartbroken. It hurt seeing you like that. I saw you slouch around with Hosea, hiding behind him like some kid when your just as old as me,” Arthur chuckled and it made your heart skip, “But today I saw you… You didn’t look sad anymore. Just tried. Empty. I didn’t want to do that to you. I still don’t think you should leave. I don’t want you to leave. But I see it… I see that you aren’t happy here with us anymore.”

You were too drunk to really say anything meaningful. You did something bold and leaned onto Arthur and put your head on his shoulder. You weren’t one for touching others or being touched, but the moonshine was helping you do just the opposite, “I’m happy,” You mumbled, “I’m happy when I’m with you.” You could feel Arthur stiffen up at your touch and his breath hitched as you talked, “You take care good care of me. I wish we could have our own lives though,”

“How so?” He asked hesitantly.

“You know…” You were looking at the fire flicker and flash as it burned away the logs, “Just us. Our own people. We’d be normal. We’d have land, a home… maybe a dog.” Your repressed feelings and dreams started swelling up into your throat and spilling out, “Or we’d run away and go to California. Live in those red wood forests with the big trees were no one could ever find us. We don’t rob people, we don’t steal or kill. We don’t go looking for trouble and trouble doesn’t find us.”

“I wish you told me this sooner,” He sounded solemn, upset. You started to panic and look over at Arthur. Did you share too much? Did you just out your real feelings to him? Shit! Stupid! Stop drinking! This is why you don’t drink ever, not never, because you won’t shut up. You swore off the moonshine, cursing it for being a potent truth potion.

“I-I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said that!” You hid your face behind your hands and felt the crazy blush take over. You suddenly felt a tight grip around both of your wrist and calloused hands pull them down and away from your face.

When you looked up, Arthur was right in front of you, face to face with a serious looking expression. You blushed even more and felt the need to jump away, he’s never been this close to your face before.

“Say it again,” He said. You were confused and you gaze flickered back and forth between him and that duck shaped cloud in the evening sunset, “Say how much you want me around. Say how much you want to run away with me.”

You finally looked at him and met his gaze. His eyes were locked hard onto you, searching and digging right into you. You cleared your throat and nervously said, “I… I want you around all the time. Forever. I’ve wanted to run away with you since we were kids.”

It happened so fast that you didn’t even register what was going on until it was almost over. Arthur had close the space between you both by bringing you to him and kissing you. Your heart was pounding so hard that you felt your skull throbbing. He pulled away before you even return the kiss, but there were only inches between you two.

“I’m sorry,” He started to back away, “I should have asked- I’ve.. it’s… too much moonshine-” But you grabbed him tight and pulled him back to face you.

“Do it again,” You said, just like he asked to say it again, you wanted him to do it. Not a second was wasted, Arthur scooted closer and closer until the two of you were pressed together and lip locked in a kiss that had been going on for about a minute now. He tasted like cigarettes and moonshine, not that that was a bad thing. It was almost comforting.

You were stuck together until you both needed to breathe again. Arthur had a big cheeky grin on his face, it was beyond adorable, “I’ve waited some many god damn years for that,” He confessed.

You matched his smile, though a little shyer, “Me too” you admitted, “What are we going to do for the rest of the night?” The sun had started to set a long time ago and the sky was growing darker and darker by the minute.

Arthur grabbed the moonshine again and grinned a little, “Finish this, first of all,” You made a little giggle at that. He then lifted up his arm and gave a little wave of his hand. You slid over and got comfortable so close to him as he wrapped his arm behind you, “Then, after that, we’ll see what happens,” You just couldn’t stop those smiles and giggles. He always brought out the good in you. It felt nice to finally be this close to him. To have those feelings be returned meant the world to you, it meant everything. You didn’t even plan on this happening and yet it did. Arthur would press kisses to your cheek and pull you over to steal even more. He was so starved of attention that he took it whenever he wanted. The two of you enjoyed the rest of the night by the campfire, laughing and drinking and starting a new chapter in your lives.

#red dead redemption #red dead redemption 2 #red dead #fanfic #arthur morgan x reader #x reader #arthur x reader #van der linde gang #rdr #rdr 2 #one shot #ao3 #fan fiction #Hosea Mathews #confession #romance #cute #dutch van der linde

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istheresomebodywhocanimagine · 5 years

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Because I’m selfish could you do a shipping me with members thing? I’m short, half Greek and Scottish but raised in Australia (yes, I do have an accent) I have really long brown hair and hazel eyes, and I play bass and sing. I love to read and write, and I almost always have headphones on and music blasting. I also am a drama student and I love to act. Thank you so much xxxxx Love your blog btw.

hi! don’t feel selfish for this, i’mma keep it real with you pal - i have asked for several ships before nO SHAME

anyways, in relation to BoRhap - I ship you with Gwilym!!! At first I was going to say Joe, but I think I see you meshing with Gwilym really well:

When Gwilym got cast as Brian in BoRhap, you were the first one he called. First, to break the news. Second, to ask you for a little help brushing up on his skills. He knew you played bass, and it wasn’t exactly lead guitar, but he still wanted to know all of your little tips and pointers in case there was something he could use when he finally met Brian.

In fact, he came over the next day with his guitar, already ready to learn. You were happy to oblige, but you admitted to him early on that you didn’t exactly know how well you’d be able to translate your bass-centered ideas to the guitar.

“What’s different about the two?” he’d asked, seated across from you and leaning forward over his guitar, genuinely interested in what you had to say. He considered you a great mind on the subject.

“Well, the mechanics are similar, you know, as far as that goes, but the fingerings aren’t going to be the same…” you rambled on for a minute, Gwil transfixed by everything you were saying.

After you were done speaking, he’d grinned at you proudly. “You’re brilliant, love.”

He calls you brilliant a lot, actually. It’s his favorite thing to say to you, because of the way your eyes light up when he says it. They are already brimming with all kinds of energy, but after he calls you brilliant - that’s when he’s the most captivated.

You heard that word - brilliant - coming out of his mouth the most often when he was reading over your latest writing, no matter what style it was. Poetry, prose, he loved it all.

“Can I keep this one?” he’d asked one time, holding up a piece of prose you’d written specifically about him. You grinned and took it back from him, looking over it for a moment.

“What’s so special about this one?” you’d asked as you sat back on the bed, preferring the poem you’d written about him a few months ago much more than this piece. But boy, did he have an answer for you. In fact, you’d never heard someone speak as passionately about something as Gwil would once he got going.

He stood up and gave you a 10 minute speech about why he thought you should let him keep that short story, introduction, body, and conclusion to the speech all included.

“So, can I?” he’d asked after a moment of you sitting there, dumbfounded. He gave you a toothy smile as he sat back down next to you.

“You were definitely born to be an actor,” you mumbled, handing the prose to him and shaking your head in disbelief at how much he’d fought for those two pages of writing. That’d gotten a chuckle out of him, and he peppered the side of your face with kisses before happily taking the story back.

Speaking of acting, Gwil LOVED coming to your performances. He took a whole week off of filming once just so he could see every night of your theater company’s Anything Goes.

He’d posted a big long paragraph about your performance after opening night, telling all of his loyal followers how brilliant you had been, and how proud he was of you. And, of course, he’d put some sentences in there about how much he loved you and loved going on this journey with you.

And then Joe commented “-Bri” just to make fun of how eerily alike Gwil was to his elder double. Classic Joe.

Now, if we’re talking Queen, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I really think I ship you with Roger - HEAR ME OUT, I have some (probably weak) reasons:

The reason I think you’d caught Roger’s eye before any of the other boys is because of your accent - he’d latched onto it almost immediately after hearing you speaking to Deacon, who had hired you as a bass tech. You were both eagerly discussing some kind of system that Roger hadn’t a clue about, but your voice was like a drug to him.

He’d made a point of inserting himself into the conversation, introducing himself and chastising John a bit.

“How come I haven’t met your friend here sooner?” Roger scolded John playfully, John just laughing and shaking his head.

“This is Y/N, she’s my new tech. I figured I’d introduce her to the most sane members of the band first, but first I have to figure out who those are.”

You’d laughed at that, particularly because of the mock hurt on Roger’s face before he’d reached out to shake your hand, you introducing yourself this time.

“That accent,” he’d had to point out, letting go of your hand, “Where is it from?”

“Australia. What about yours?” you’d countered, noticing a bit of a different lilt to his words than John’s.

Roger scoffed at that, shrugging. “Cornwall. Exciting stuff, eh?”

After that day, he’d always find reasons to come and talk to you, sometimes the reason being no better than him wanting to hear your accent.

The day Roger realized he actually might fancy you was when he’d noticed you writing on one of the off days and asked to see a sneak peek of what you were doing. Roger loved writing songs, and wondered if you had any good material.

You did. In fact, he was thoroughly impressed by your work, and spent the rest of the day work-shopping with you, which spilled over into a late night coffee run before it was time to go hop on the bus to head to the next tour stop.

You were in the coffee shop, talking about what Queen had coming up after this tour, when Roger had redirected the conversation.

“You know, I’ve never asked, what did you study back home?” he’d inquired, curious to see what kind of person you were. He’d pegged you as some sort of major similar to John based on your identical knowledge of his bass, so he was pleasantly surprised when you revealed that you were a drama student. “An actor, huh? That must be why you’re so seemingly interested in all of Brian’s stories. God, explains so much now.”

You had to laugh at that, shaking your head. “No, no, Brian actually has some good stories and knows how to tell them. Now you, on the other hand…” you’d trailed off, Roger recoiling in slight insult at what you’d suggested.

Someone who could keep up with his humor and insult him while they were at it? You were growing on him quickly.

One thing he always really enjoyed doing once you grew more comfortable around him was (carefully) taking your headphones and listening to a little bit of whatever you were currently listening to.

At first, it annoyed you a bit, but when you realized he was genuinely wanting to pick up on some of your music taste, you allowed it to happen with little to no issue.

Also, he’d started slipping you song recommendations on tapes of his, labeling them cute things and drawing little smiley faces on them. Though it was difficult to understand his scrawlings sometimes, you cherished those tapes.

While we’re talking about songs, Roger liked to hear you sing. One time, you were trying to explain a part of the song where you thought Deacon wasn’t getting a good sound out of his bass to another tech, and you started singing the chorus part where it started sounding off.

Roger was, for lack of better words, shook.

Like, he loved your voice.

So, clever little gentleman he is, he found a way to start getting you to sing around him more by pretending to hear issues with the bass in the songs they’d play during their sets.

“It was like, it was muted during the last part of the second chorus, you know?” he’d said one time, working his way into it nonchalantly. “Like, the part where, you know, Fred goes, ‘and I love the things…’“ he’d trailed off, pretending not to remember the next part.

You thought for a moment, then you sang in a soft voice just to clarify. “And I love the things, I really love the things that you do, oh, you’re my best friend? That part?”

“Yeah, yeah!” he’d say, smiling and pointing at you like you were a genius for remembering the simplest lyrics in the whole set.

You caught on after a few times of false alarms from him, but you let him keep believing that he had you right where he wanted you. It was honestly really cute that he’d go through so much work to hear you sing, even if he didn’t necessarily need to try that hard.

(But don’t tell him that, for God’s sake.)

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postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 6 years

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Re: your tags on that jack/amara post. Now the show totally got me to like Jack rather instantly as well but I cant help but feel like it was too easy, his actions during s12 werent realy adressed imo, he didnt really earn the "family" TFW status to the degree the show is framing it for me and there wasnt the dubious moral complexity early in s13 like s12 was setting up. Idk does that make sense?

Yep, it makes total sense and I agree. When the first few episodes aired and Jack was obviously framed as a lovable innocent, I expected them to pull the rug under our feet at some point- not necessarily to make Jack ‘evil’ (that was clearly not going to happen) but to question assumptions and, well, make both the viewers, the characters, Jack himself question his actions and his goals and everything. It’s sort of like season 12 was like ‘is this thing evil....?’ and the twist was ‘lol no!’ but the twist came in like 2 minutes into the premiere or so. In Kaia’s episode, the twist was again that he did not kill Derek the dreamwalker...

Jack’s ‘darkness’ were mistakes. He accidentally killed the security guard when trying to stop a robber. He accidentally got soldiers killed when he made the wrong tactical choice in the war against Michael (it was revealed as wrong because of the Kevin trap, and a trap by definition... is hard to spot before you fall in it). Other things were naivety, which is not exactly darkness (naivety/innocence are potential for darkness, but the show didn’t really go ultra deep in that).

Every other main character has been through actual ‘darkness’. The Carver era in a nutshell was that - Dean’s, Sam’s and Cas’ darkness explored. Cas’ self-loathing and depression stemmed from his inability to belong, Sam’s unhealthy attitudes towards himself (the trials) and his brother (*waves around*), Dean’s lack of self-worth that turn him into a tool-weapon/the lock to the literal Darkness (insert billions of words of meta here).

The Carver era was about them messing things up royally to the point that we were supposed to think, are these people righteous? are they right? At times we were supposed to be horrified by their choices. Some people grew actually uncomfortable with the show because the main characters were... unlikeable. Not heroes.

But that was supposed to be the foundation for a new journey upwards - the release of the Darkness (I’m not going into the topic of when exactly they decided to make the MoC the lock-and-key for the Darkness) was supposed to symbolize the externalization of their own darknesses to deal with them.

I think Carver’s mistake was primarily one: making the Darkness solely about Dean. Sam remained in a weird limbo for most of the season, and for Cas they had to bring Lucifer into the picture as the narrative tool to represent Cas’ issues (corollary mistake: Lucifer). I think they should have managed to make the Darkness about all of them, in a way or another (they almost did so by having Dean carry the Mark and Sam and Cas undo it, but that second part got dropped). Of course, I understand why they’d do that - having the Darkness as the dark, irrational, feminine, destructive principle of the cosmos inevitably means she is aligned to Dean. But then they should have developed things so that Dean-Darkness and Sam-God, but God was finally introduced when the season was almost over and things needed to happen and it was late.

Oh jeez, talk about digressing...

I think I never let go of my post-season 10 finale expectations, because boy, I was excited. The season only partly met my expectations. *screams into the showrunners’ direction* I’m still waiting for my big witchcraft storyline, guys!

So, Carver era, inner darkness, outer Darkness. Main characters who SCREW UP BIG TIME. I mean... it was a bad decision for extra-diegetical reasons, and executed poorly, but Charlie’s death did make sense in that perspective. What’s more rock bottom than getting Charlie killed? It was supposed to be the horrifying, ‘oh shit’ version of Benny’s sacrifice. Benny had reasons to die, they got a beautiful goodbye, all made sense. But it was a slippery slope- and now Charlie dies, and it’s bad, it’s ugly, it makes no sense.

If Dante had written me into the Divine Comedy he would’ve put me in the circle of hell for digressers.

Anyway. Carver era, darkness.

And then seasons 12 and 13. They’re growing, so their mistakes are not as big and destructive as before. In fact, other people mess up more. Sam goes along with the BMoL because Mary made the mistake, and he just wants to connect with his Mom. Cas is trying to make up for letting Lucifer free and fails, because Crowley makes the mistake of keeping Lucifer around. Dean is there doing his best and getting slaps in the face, because his life sucks. His prayer to God in 13x01 is GOOD STUFF. Anyway. They still struggle with themselves and their traumas that prevent them from having healthy relationships (I’m not saying the Dabb era is bad, I am really enjoying things). Insert more meta here.

Now enters Jack, who is supposed to be a mirror of Dean, Sam and Cas. Where’s the darkness? WHERE’S THE FUNDAMENTAL POINT OF HORROR ABOUT HIS EXISTENCE aka his ambiguous and scary relationship with free will? Dean, Sam and Cas’ struggle is with FREE WILL. Always has been. Genuine choice against the determination caused by their traumas even before by external forces. Dean telling Amara and Chuck to reconcile represented that - refusing to go along with the determinism of their essences (creation and destruction) and choose their own path.

Jack... we’re technically told that he refuses to go along the determinism of his Satanic heritage, but that’s... not really true. He is much more framed as a blank slate than a creature with an evil essence in him. That’s what he fears, others fear (or hope in Lucifer’s case), but he’s never tempted by his own inner darkness. Lucifer almost tricks him eventually for a moment, but it’s a trick, something he achieves with lies and manipulation, not really reaching to Jack’s inner evil potential.

There was potential to make his story a horror story without making him evil or bad. Look at season 12 and the way he ambiguously uses people for, well, good purposes - saving Kelly, saving Cas. There was potential there! He has good intentions, and does things with good outcomes, but at the cost of messing up with people’s free will in an ambiguous, eerie way.

That’s it, he could have been EERIE. Sinister and terrifying because he’s lovable and has the best intentions... but also does disturbing things. Technically it sort of happened, but wasn’t really explored properly - see the analyses we made after 13x09 but that were never proved right or wrong. In fact, there was an element that rang bells at the end of the season - when he forces the truth about Maggie’s murder out of Lucifer. That was the final proof that Jack is perfectly able to annul someone’s free will completely. But what about the entire season prior, and even the time as a fetus? It just stays something in the mouth of a Dean whose grief is used to make him unreliable.

I guess the mistake here is not making Jack a new Amara, instead. As @awed-frog eloquently said, the two had a lot in common in their narratives, but then a lot completely divergent. Jack should have been about free will like Amara was, and how season 12 almost hinted at - like Amara made Dean’s free will compass go haywire, it seemed that proximity to Jack made Cas’ free will compass go haywire. But then Cas was dead and even when he came back, Jack’s story had been written in a complete different direction. They could have structured season 13 so that Jack was Sam’s Amara instead (it would have made sense to have Sam not deal with sexually-coded manipulation from a woman, since he already has that with Ruby in the past, and instead be something new and fresh for his character), if they wanted to make Jack and Sam’s narratives close, but at some point they’ve just made the decision to have Sam be the Real Dad in contrast to Lucifer’s biological fatherhood.

Basically, I think, they realized that they had to give Sam a strong narrative that placed him as the antagonist of Lucifer, so they kind of shoved Cas out of Jack’s narrative (with awkward results - um we’re supposed to be son and father but err what) and made the fatherhood narrative about Sam. With awkward results. Narratively, Sam And Cas Are A Kid’s Dads is... not really a brilliant idea.

Maybe Michael Dean is the result of the showrunners realizing that on paper giving narratives to Sam and Cas and not only to Dean (like Carver tended to do at times) is good, but in reality the show works best when things are about Dean, so now Let’s Have A Dean Centric Arc. I guess?

I haven’t really talked about the extradiegetic aspect of the strong pushing of Jack/Alex Calvert, but I don’t think there’s much to say about it. Fan reception was immediately super positive, and 28 year old Misha Collins clone is sort of a safe bet, you know? The network seems to believe that fans want young pretty white boys, and it’s not reaaaally like they got that idea out of their hat, you know?

#my spn thoughts #well now this is a bitch to tag #carver era #dabb era #jack #spn #eeeh good enough #anon

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gaymafia · 6 years

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I’m legitimately curious why people didn’t like the last Jedi? I saw it and thought it was okay? Is there something I missed or? Like it wasn’t great but it was passable?

ok so i wasnt gonna do this here bc nobody fucking asked but u asked so thank u but also strap in ur ready for a while ride

TLJ spoilers, obviously. also my issues are going to be numbered in no particular order bc my thoughts on this movie are so fucking scrambled but here we go

1. Kyle Ron. First of all fuck Ryeanne for making me see so many goddamn closeups of Adam Driver’s ugly ass face. I did not need to see all that he is so goddamn ugly especially that fucking shirtless scene where he looks like a block of pasty ass pale wood.

But for real, Kylo Ren. I don’t actually take issue with his existence, because Kyle really does excellently represent rich ass white boys who have everything handed to them but throw a hissy fit when they face the slightest adversity an throw tantrums all the time. It’s nice to see a villain that represents most people real-life nightmares instead of like, a Sexy Temptress or Old Evil Man or whatever. That being said, kyle is not given the villain’s treatment in this movie. if you cut out all the scenes where ryan is not actively sucking adam driver’s dick and jizzing all over himself over kyle’s angsty white boy angst, the movie has virtually no real plot (”oh no we are in space with no fuel, nobody is going to do anything except get mad at each other, miscommunicate, and deliberately make all the characters of color worthless while separating Finn and Poe bc fuck the gays”). So much of the movie is spent not just establishing how kyle became kyle (which is good! backstory for villains is good!), but trying to get us to like, sympathize with him? which is the shitty part. I dont care that Luke “”””tried to kill”’’’ (he didn’t) kyle. kyle had turned to the dark side before luke’s mistake. kyle had a million and one chances to change his mind from the start of TFA to the end of TLJ, and he never did. Kyle is an evil guy. We need one of those. He’s a great evil guy bc he’s got so many shitty qualities. But ryin doesnt want us to hate kyle, even tho hes the villain. why the fuck doesnt reean want us to hate kyle? bc rayan is also a shitty little man who thinks giving ur white boy a sob story makes him a sympathetic villain and sidelining ur characters of color will help.

also again the fucking shirtless scene what the shit man that was so gross

2. Will be broken down into A, B, C, etc. bc TLJ treats its characters of color like SHIT.

2A. Finn. Finn gets put in a coma bc why would anyone want to write anything interesting for john boyega its not like hes the MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN and the MOST TALENTED ACTOR who is being sidelined bc ryun hates black people. Yeah Finn is totally into Rey and he wants to save her and is willing to desert the rebellion for her. that happened in the first movie but why give your characters real arcs when you can recycle old ones to jerk off to kyle ron. the rose thing happens, shes like “we can disable the tracking” and like TWO SECONDS after he was dead set on desertion he’s totally down to risk his life for the rebellion at rey’s expense? that sure is a quick 180 with no real reason why and no writing to explain it! then there was the whole “separate finn and poe” thing ryain pulled for the shits and giggles.

2B. Rose. I was pretty chill with Rose, she had a dope backstory, her sister was badass, and I liked that they made that connection off the bat. I’m not mad about anything rayn did with her character but i genuinely believe thats only because i havent thought about it enough yet. give me a week and i’ll figure out how rain fucked it up. open to suggestions.

2C. Poe. Full offense but was I supposed to be mad at Poe for coming up with a plan when that bitch Holdo was like “I’m not gonna tell you my plan sit tight and be convinced we are all going to die :)” i legitimately did not understand how I was supposed to be mad at poe for doing what he thought was best for the rebellion after he asked holdo what the plan was and she was deliberately obstinate and refused to even be like “dont worry i have a plan” she was just like. so dumb. Also poe got thrown around a lot and i am A Little Suspicious of how much physical violence he experienced compared to many other characters.

2D. You guessed what was next! The slaps! Super awesome how the two men of color were slapped by white people!!!! So deep!!!!!!! For real tho uh the second time i saw this movie someone in the audience laughed when poe got slapped by space hitler hux and uh??? not funny. not funny or cute or clever to use the guy you built your entire nazi imagery on to slap the one black man on your cast. i dont care if it was supposed to make us “hate hux” or whatever more. i already hated hux reyn. you could have used that screentime in your 3 fucking hour long movie for something valuable, like giving finn a character arc, or literally anything else besides that goddamn slap. i was livid watching that.

and then with leia and poe? i get that part of the conflict was internal in the resistance and one of the major themes was how failure is the best teacher and all that but like? maybe stop physically assaulting all your characters of color? maybe uhhhh at least think about that first??

2E. like i mentioned before one of the obvious themes was how failure is the best teacher so naturally all the major characters had to fail at something, and then learn from their mistake to be better next time. with luke it was fucking up with kyle, with rey it was being naive enough to think kyle could turn, with poe it was the dreadnaught thing, finn was left out of this because raan dooesn give a shit abt finn bc hes a racist bastard, etc. but it was incredibly transparent how all of the white characters’ mistakes meant either personal losses or something small scale with one person, while the mistakes of the characters of color (poe/finn/rose) were all ones that cost the rebellion the vast majority of their forces. rey got out of her fight with kyle and snoke unscathed. luke got a lot of guilt and character development. What did finn poe and rose get? the deaths of like 99% of the resistance on their shoulders. A little too coincidental that even though rey LITERALLY GAVE HERSELF OVER TO SNOKE she was totally fine a-ok no real scars, finn and poe and rose doing their best to save the rebellion while admiral holdo refuses to tell them anything costs the resistance so fucking much. rey does the DUMBEST FUCKING THING with no real consequences and finn and poe and rose try their best and are punished severely for it.

2F. Really convenient how everything finn, poe, and rose did ended up being useless and just cost the rebellion lives, whereas at least rey’s mishap got snoke killed and taught her a lesson. reeeeaaaalllllyyyyyy convenient how finn, poe, and rose’s plan was a huge waste of time. it would have been much better for us to see an actual plot line with them that contributed to the story and their characterizations instead of “send them on a goose chase, make it pointless in the end, physically brutalize them along the way.

3. R*yl* bullSHIT: ryyn had a really fun time with a lot of very rape-y scenes in this movie. the whole force-connection thing with kyle and rey was soooooo uncalled for, it reeked of non-con fantasies, catered to the r*yl*s like nothing ever before, and was so goddamn gross. the obvious invasion of privacy and lack of consent was nasty, using it as a shitty device to make rey “come around” on kyle was NASTY and that whole thing was nasty. i know im not articulating this well but there was so much about that whole thing that bothered me. i just know reyhan was so fucking into it, inserting kyle into rey’s life, forcing her to completely drop all of her characterization in the first movie to suddenly thing kyle can be good, acting as if rey hasnt seen all the shit and known what hes done. the whole thing was gross and a really obvious example of why men shouldn’t be allowed to direct movies.

4. killing snoke was a dumbass fucking mistake. kyle is a tantrum-throwing temper-losing toddler. snoke was evil and mysterious and shit idk. we knew he was powerful as fuck, he looked like a testicle which is a great villain imo, he was the darth sidious and they killed him off while kyle is still in like. ep2!Anakin levels of angst. i get that kyle is already powerful or whatever but like. hes not cold and calculated the way snoke was. kyle is a good villain, but a weak main baddie bc hes dumb as fuck. he let the rebellion get away bc he was pissed at luke. that was dumb as fuck. kyle is ruined by his emotions, and snoke was a scarier main baddie bc he wasnt so fucking dumb lol

5. it was so fucking long. there were so many scenes that could have been cut or shortened. why did we need to see luke milking the tiddy of that weird alien cow thing. why did we need to see kyle ron shirtless. why did we need so many goddamn shots of the fucking porgs.

6. ya the porgs are cute or whatever but like. that whole “look at how sad the cute big-eyes porg is when chewie is eating his friend” thing was so dumb. i dunno why but i hated that the most. that was the worst thing the porgs did. they were cute but like chill disney u know they like ran algorithm after algorithm to make that porg the cutest it could be with science or some bullshit and like? thats dumb.

7. i get that the humor in star wars movies is shifting but i felt like there was too much of it and it was dumb. a lot of the riffs werent funny and there were too many of them for a star wars film. star wars usually doesnt take itself too seriously, but this one was a little too much for me.

8. there were too many plot twists for shock value. the story went on too long. it should have ended earlier but it didnt. i dont know why ryenn decided to have like 6 different climaxes but it was too much. should have let there be one climax buddy. thats it.

9. holdo. besides holdo being the white feminist icon why didnt she just fucking tell poe the plan. why. why was so deliberately obstinate when it was doing no good. like yeah of course poe sent out a crew to try to save the rebellion all u told him to shut up and let you handle it! obvously what she did in the end was badass or whatever but like uh hun next time dont be a piece of shit and then get mad when people react to you being a piece of shit. i would have been okay with all that happening if holdo wasnt treated like some hero who never made any mistakes. she did make a mistake, and that was refusing to tell poe what her plan was when she knew he was absolutely the type to do whatever he could to save the rebellion whether he had her permission or not. also apparently holdo is a lesbian or bi or not straight or something in like the comics or whatever and like 1. classic bury ur gays but also 2. no more word of god gay characters if a character is not gay in the movies i will not give you the gay cred for it sorry homophobes

10. i didnt buy the story w luke and kyle at lukes jedi training facility or whatever. surprisingly, i was ok with lukes story line and character development, and actually agreed with it for the most part, but i just like. i dunno i didnt feel like that was something luke would do. not because luke is infallible (even tho he is my gay dad who has never done anything wrong ever) but because the entire original trilogy is luke believing darth vader could be saved. and while im not opposed to luke changing his mind about whether or not everyone could be turned away from the dark side (luke was young and optimistic in the original trilogy, and as he grew older he would learn more about the jedi and their history like the whole speech he gave rey about how the jedi have to end bc theyre lowkey shitty). i actually kind of liked luke’s hot take on the jedi, because it was lowkey my hot take on the jedi (esp the prequels jedi who were shitty as Fuuuuuck but we are ignoring the prequels for now lbr) but also because i could believe it was a view luke would come to as he aged. but impulsively drawing his lightsaber to kill kyle before he had actually done anything bad, after suspecting that kyle had darkness in him for a while, even though he felt like he had failed? it just didnt feel like luke to me. i felt more like raeyn had chosen that particular backstory to try to make kyle a more sympathetic villain rather than give a believable and in-character back story for the characters. i understand that luke’s failure ultimately has to lead to the creation of kyle ron in this story line, but that didnt feel like the right failure to me. maybe this is just me being nitpicky but that felt off to me too and i dont know if i can quite pinpoint why.

11. rey was a dumbass fucking bitch in this movie. rey could not be a dumbass fucking bitch to survive as a scavenger who was orphaned at birth on jakku. rey would have had to be smart and not as fucking DUMB as she was in this movie. now im getting heated so i cant articulate this well but she just did so many dumb things that anybody who had to raise themselves would have never done. she would never have delivered herself over to kyle ron like what a dumb fucking idea. who wrote this goddamn movie. fuck u ryeen.

12. why did yoda come back as a force ghost. where is anakins force ghost. he would be so fucking pissed at kyle right now. he would be mad as hell. he would have ended this thing. he would have called kyle out like the shitdickbitch he is and put him in his place. i get that yoda is more like ancient and orginal star wars jedi knowledge shit or whatever and like more of an authority on the jedi but like anakin is off in like force ghost hawaii drinking force ghost martinis while his shitty fucking grandson is being a piece of shit?? nah man anakin would have shut that shit down they better bring him back for ep IX and i expect hayden christensen himself to show up to bitch at kyle about what a fucking dumbass he is.

tbh theres probably more like i know there’s a ton of little things i hated but as scathing as this review is there were things i liked. visually speaking it was a very beautiful movie when we werent getting atrocious close ups of adam drivers ugly ass face. i originally hated but have come to appreciate the darker tone, since it mirrors the mood of TESB in that the rebellion seems dead but obviously isnt bc this is star wars. i liked luke. i dunno. i had a lot of issues with the movie obviously. to be quite honest i cant actually think of anything else i liked atm which is telling.

anyway if anybody actually reads this long ass fucking post feel free to respond with what you hated abt TLJ

#star wars #the last jedi #star wars ep viii #im probs gonna get hate for this but whtvr #anonymous #ask

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