mitski was so right when she wrote the second verse to strawberry blonde

the voices are going ham tonight lol

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

"but there is nothing more beautiful and terrifying than innocence."

open for better quality | no reposts

Renegade Nell (2024) - 1x06

The parts of you that support me

it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.

yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.

it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.

how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.

chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?

how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.

"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.

i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.

Girl please stop romanticizing obesity, it will literally kill you eventually (and I know it’s not the first time someone says it to you). Like are you even ok? Romanticizing being immobile & being humiliated on the street? Why would you even aspire to this? For some attention of questionable men on this app? Girl they don’t deserve you. This message comes from a place of concern, it is not intended as an insult. You said you want a career in the future, maybe focus on that, I’m not sure how possible it is do all that while being immobile or having whatever condition.

omfg 😭 i apologize for writing little stories to get myself off, i guess?? lmfao. i have a fetish. i state clearly in my bio that this is what to expect. sorry im horny posting anonymously on tumblr.com ???? stop being weird when u don’t even belong in these spaces

thought we had it all, thought we had it all, thought we had it all...

- So Much (For) Stardust - Fall Out Boy (i/n/sp)

Newfound kink | repost with credit

Kk: you know… you have to stop pushing yourself. Your body won’t work if you overdo it.

Gai: I know that! You have no need to mother me, Kashi!

Kk: Mah, Gai-kun… you don’t want me to be your mommy?

Gai: GAH! Kakashi stop being a pervert!

bakugo scoffs, a slight ‘tsk’ as he rolls his eyes at the guy trying to hit on you at the bar. his gaze is dead-set on you across the room, watching in case the guy attempts anything funny. kirishima knows what’s going on, eyeing him from the side.

it’s that weird in-between of trying to find what you are to each other again—stuck in the middle of being friends and ex-lovers.

acting on it would be wrong.

he doesn’t have that right anymore.

he stews in his feelings, swallowing them with each sip of his drink. then he gets another glass, grumbling when kirishima elbows him to join in their conversation.

bakugo frowns all the way through.

he watches you smile at the guy (only politely, he hopes), the side of your cheek barely lifting and the corner of your eye untouched. it’s not the way you used to smile at him.

the conversation at his table goes on simultaneously with yours across the room, and he’s neither here nor there—part of both conversations, but not. it’s only when you shake your head, moving your hand in a gesture of ‘no, thanks’ that he abruptly looks away.

he focuses elsewhere: mina’s animated storytelling, the ice melting in his drink, your perfume the moment you’re slipping in the booth next to him. it’s unintentional, he knows—your thigh brushing against his, fingertips slightly touching as you set down your drink.

then you smile at him, a bit shy and apologetic, but friendly still. the corners of your eyes crease.

he downs his drink.

you’re better at this than he is—compartmentalizing feelings and seeing past his faults. always have been.

if he had only been more—

if he was only open to—

if he could only take it—

no. it wouldn’t be fair; he chose this for the both of you.

so why, why does he still look for the parts of you only he’d been privy to?

I'm playing through Dragon Age 2 again and I just can't get over how... idk how to say it exactly, but the way you feel, in every moment of this game, how much Varric loves Hawke. It feels entwined with everything, it breathes through every part of the narrative, it blooms diegetigally through the integration of story and gameplay, makes you a co-conspirator in that love in a way maybe only a video game could.

It's in the way I don't think this story is a defense of Hawke only -- or even primarily -- directed at Cassandra, but at Hawke themselves. Beneath everything else going on there's the quiet, utterly unshakable refutation of Hawke's worst fears: Did you think you mattered, Hawke? Did you think anything you ever did mattered? . . . You're a failure, and your family died knowing it. Rising through the story as Varric tells it there's a fiercely tender voice saying: Yes, you did matter. In tragedy or in triumph, for better or for worse, in love or in hate, you always mattered. The ultimate tragedy of Hawke is always right there in the open before the story even starts letting you in on telling it; they couldn't fix anything. They couldn't stop the downward spiral Kirkwall was set on -- the real truth is that no one person ever could. And yet the point of DA2 is that it matters that they tried, and it matters that there were people who loved and were loved along the way, however badly it all failed in the end. Hawke is the Bioware protagonist who succeeds the least, and they're the character who matters the most, to me. (This is also why the Absolution reveal did not shake me in the least haha, my love for Hawke has nothing at all to do with whether they succeeded or failed at anything.)

What Varric is saying, in the only way he seems to be able to say the really real things -- through stories -- is so simple and so fundamental. You were here, and I loved you. There's the emotional heart of it, at the end of it all, that love and grief and recognition. It's so dizzyingly intimate. There's so much distancing, layers upon layers of obfuscation, to be able to say it. It drives me insane!!!! It makes me feel the same way that 'Poem' by Langston Hughes does:

I loved my friend.  He went away from me.  There's nothing more to say.  The poem ends,  Soft as it began,— I loved my friend. 

He loved his friend. They went away from him. What more is there to say. (Many, many, many things, when you're a compulsive liar and storyteller, but hey sometimes you have to deploy a whole armada of lies to tell one simple truth, I understand, I'm a writer too lol)

The Scrapped Watchman

first kiss...

it's right behind me isn't it

Admiral Kazansky