#legit the hardest thing i ever did
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im having a particularly terrible night with urges and imagery that i dont know how to handle. i gave in to some things. held back on some others. but im barely holding on, dear internet stranger.
you do not owe me your time or your words.. but if you could write some hope into existence for me.. i would be unendingly grateful to you.
please. tell me how you do it. tell me how you survive. because im not so sure i can get through the fifteen days it'll take to get to my seventeenth birthday.
could you please give me something to place my faith in? i dont think the universe is watching out for me anymore.
i don't usually answer these, because i am not a professional, and you deserve professional help. when i was 17 i was terrified of the idea of professional help, because my household was extremely unsafe, and made it clear that if i ever chose to get help, i would be punished for it.
i hope this is not your case. i hope that you can call someone, and they can take you where you should go.
but i will give you the advice that i wish i got, when i couldn't get help at 17, when i was so bad that years later, i literally don't-know-how-i-survived it: what you want is peace, not death. your brain is sick. it has romanticized an ending where there are no consequences. where effort isn't necessary. where you can just... forget.
you want peace. that is a normal, human thing to want. maybe it feels more like you want quiet. or just... to take a break for a second.
here is what i will say: to end yourself means you never get to experience what it's like to actually be happy. i thought i knew what it was like, and i was bitter about it. i'd say - i've been happy, it's not worth it, because i didn't know what i was missing. i thought that happiness meant having a partner or having a job or money or a college degree. it sounded like effort. it sounded like something that had to happen to me.
for the first time in my life, just this week, i was able to go to a concert and just-enjoy-it. no liquor, no drugs. just stomping my feet and getting caught up in it. i didn't feel nervous or self-conscious or overwhelmed. i just had a good time. these days have a lot of these firsts for me - it is the first time i can eat cake without crying. it is the first time i can be around an exacto blade without supervision. it is the first time i have too many people to call when i am crying.
i can't tell you where you'll run into happiness, only that, for me, it started once i was out of that fucking house. it started once i figured out where the pain was coming from. once i figured out that i was not possessed, something medical was wrong with me. that i am not stupid or lazy, i have depression and adhd. the first few years were difficult. at 19, during my efforts to recover, i actually got worse by a considerable margin. and then, with time and patience - i got better.
happiness doesn't feel like what you think it will. in movies it's so golden and all-encompassing. but it doesn't fly into your hands when you buy your first car nor does it arrive in the arms of a partner nor does it require passing your classes. happiness came to me on a tuesday in the form of a red-winged blackbird, and i looked at her, and she looked at me, and i said - oh. the whole world suddenly filled itself in with color. like i had been forever-asleep. like every corner of every room was suddenly glistening.
it ended quickly, back then. it just stopped in to check in on me. but it was enough - this thing i had never experienced, but that i knew (logically) could happen. before that, i was only staying because it would make my mom sad if i died. that was my only reason. and then the happiness came, so strange and brilliant and lovely that for years i couldn't even look at it directly.
these days, things are so different. life is so much easier. i don't wish for death because so much of what i have is already at peace. my boss understands when i need a mental health day. people in general are less prone to high school drama. entire communities hold my hand and have my number. i have a car and a dog and a little apartment garden and candles on all available surfaces and today i bought myself a little cake just-to-celebrate-nothing. my body is my own and we are both dancing.
there are so many things i've gotten to taste in the last 10 years. i know, for you, that is an eon, because it's more than half of your life. but if it helps? in the 5 years between 17-21: i filled myself with laughter and love. i got to be a lead in a ballet and got my first tattoo and then my second and pierced my ears the way i'd wanted to (one of them professionally the other over a hot stove with a potato) and i discovered hozier is my favorite singer (i know. he was new back then) and i got my first real job and my first real paycheck and i hadn't ever been seen as smart but then i started to actually treat my adhd as a condition rather than a burden and people started saying you're like the smartest person in the room and my best friend met her husband who i will one day stand next to as maid of honor when he is her groom and i got to help people and make a stupid blog called "inkskinned" and find out that writing is actually my passion and that maybe i'm actually kind of good at it if i just practice and i got to meet my parents' dog (his name is kaiju) and i slept on couches and kissed people and tried new things and learned how to breathe without feeling my chest tighten and that peace is here, on this planet, that peace echoes everywhere, it is in my hair and my homework and my houseplants, it is quiet and divine and mine because i fought for it and i built it and yes i lost hair over it but holy shit the whole world feels like it is shifted through a sunbeam
recently someone asked me if i could go back in time to 6th grade, with all the knowledge i have now, would i? and without thinking, i barked absolutely not. i know i should say it's because i wouldn't want to risk losing any of this stuff - but really it's because i would never survive being a teenager again. it sounds incredibly lame and impossible, fake - but being a teenager was the hardest thing i ever did. i had no voice, no control, only fear and hatred.
but i did survive it. nothing about me is special. nothing about me is stronger than you or better prepared or more efficient. i didn't survive it perfectly. i made a lot of mistakes and lost a lot of friends and harmed myself in ways that i'm still recovering from. but i did survive it. and there is a part of me looking at you in the past and saying - i'm you in the future.
and holy shit. every day. every goddamn day i'm glad we survived to see the rest of it. because you hit 18 and everything changes. like, everything. and holy shit, it is infinitely worth it.
#i hope you are okay#i wish i could help more#i hope the pain eases soon#and i hope that you stay#ps . to those of you reading this thinking i should help you too: please just dm me#it makes me really#really really scared when it's anonymous#bc i cant check in with u#i am not a professional and i am not actually good at helping ppl through their troubles#this is an exception bc they are 16#not the rule#ps if u misunderstand ''being a teenager is the hardest thing i ever did'' when i mention briefly that i was in unsafe housing...#trust me. it was worse there. by like A HUGE margin#every person raised in unsafe housing nodding their head like . oh yeah worse stuff TECHNICALLY happened after but leaving that home was#legit the hardest thing i ever did
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the good ol "i dont see my child as an individual with their own mind, thoughts, opinions, and unique needs, and instead i see them as an object that i can control and make plans and set up expectations for for without problem or consideration, and if they aren't in the narrow boundaries of what i want them to be, i will act like they have died and talk about how hard this is for ME" special
#child abuse //#transphobia //#ableism //#sorry for how long these tags are i have too many thoughts in my brain. sorry#transphobic parents: im losing my daughter/son :(( its so hard :(( this is literally the same as my child being dead :((#im watching them destroy themselves :((((#trans kid: *literally just asked to be called different pronouns or cut their hair or something*#vs#ableist parents: my child doesnt even let me hug them :(( sure its a really unpleasant feeling for them that is very distressing but#what about ME?? :(( my child not liking physical affection is the HARDEST THING EVER im such a brave parent#autistic kid: *just doesnt like being touched because it feels bad and needs other sensory accommodations*#like legit transphobic parents and ableist parents use really similar language to talk about their kids#a lot of implications or outright statements that their children are 'gone' and that their current child is some kind of impostor#do these people think changelings are real?? did they miss the boat on that???#and the 'im grieving my child' thing is so fucking dumb im sorry#your child isnt dead! theyre the same fucking person dumbass#your child didnt disappear when they realized they were trans or got diagnosed with autism. like. theyre still your fucking kid#these kinds of thoughts lead into shit like this story i heard about online about a father who became an alcoholic#because his son is trans and starting HRT. like this dad completely blames his addiction on his son being trans#because 'his daughter is destroying herself' and 'this stuff tears families apart'#newsflash you dumbfuck your son isnt at fault for you becoming an alcoholic instead of going to therapy to deal with any#complicated feelings or stress due to your son coming out#he did not hold you down and force alcohol down your throat you made the conscious goddamn choice to do that#because youre soooooo distraught that your beautiful daughter is gone :((#fucking cry about it maybe?#and with ableist parents theres a lot of talk about how they dont feel like their child loves them or how THEY find it hard to love them#which. again. its not their fucking fault its yours for not getting help to fix your shit#just because your child doesnt show affection in the way you do doesnt mean they dont love you or that you shouldnt love them#if you cant love your kid because of them being autistic thats a problem that you need to see a therapist about it. jackass#do not blame your kids!! for your issues!! they can tell!!! and it fucking hurts!!!!!!
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Unfortunately I don't play Genshin anymore due to storage problems BUT IM ALSO A WANDERER MAIN LMAO AND OMFG THANK YOY VERY MUCH FOR THE COMPLIMENT COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO'S ONE OF MY FAV AUTHORS AND YES FARUZAN SUPREMACY AAAAAAAAAAA ILY SM<333
I'm literally going crazy bc you replied to my crazed fan ask HAHAHAHAHA
\(//∇//)\ i am definitely not responding late!! i perceive time like a normal human would.. and that’s so crazy!! ♡
i have loved wanderer since maybe my first time hearing his existence?? i’m not a day-one-er but quite close! so glad he did not get signora’d. if you play on mobile you can try deleting the app and redownloading because the clear old files option doesn’t actually clear everything, and sometimes a redownload may be able to fit within your storage! i absolutely adore faruzan though!! peak character design even if she is genshin’s hatsune miku, not complaining though i think her glass looking dress-skirt is amazing. (*´∀`)♪
i’m happy to be able to talk and respond to people!! getting asks just talking to me or people sending things like how they think my writing style is pretty makes me super happy!! so i’m equally as fanboy-ing when you and others talk to me!! ╰(*´︶`*)╯
#you can ignore the tags they are just random thoughts but there’s also like a responsible crewel brainrot at the bottom!!#i seriously cannot respond in a mandated time because my concept of time is warped?? what do you mean 2015 was 8 years ago what do you mean#also does not help i get so distracted with my own fic like legs twiddling thinking of my yuu that no one will see with his dorm and their#lore that i need to write down but then i get distracted trying to draw my characters and oh dear where did time go#im normal about my characters (fake) but everyone probably has that one oc they have like a story kit on the ready to drop on friends#another genshin rant but i got thundering pulse!! so far no weapon banner loss- 1 lost 50/50 but to tighnari so no loss#considering he would be hardest to get on a bows only acc with no guarantee on ever having the boy#i actually barely started the event because i did not feel like getting to inazuma legit. would rather speed run or glitch to inazuma#but now my yoimiya banner is like 20 pity at least but now that’s also a problem because?? i want her c1 actually but need to save stop bad#i also get distracted by fun ideas!! like father figure crewel or a reader that is like his unofficial assistant please let me brainrot for#the class. so reader is not in a club unlike grim who canonically is one but in this fic reader is crewels unofficial student assistant and#helps him at his club bc iirc he’s the science club advisor and they spend time after school grading exam papers with#him and he has cookies and talks to you for hours and you can come early to clean the classroom and can just rant about the boys or rmshckle#he basically is the one you go to because crowley will not do anything!!#in my universe (ehe) my yuu and his dormmate crewels nephew have a uniform designed by nephew+crewel so id like to think in this brainrot#that crewel gifted you a uniform he designed. also ALSO!! he makes sure you eat#and that you are not bullied. he also took it upon himself to give you challenging material so he can prepare you to live within a foreign#environment. considering how you are almost not guaranteed to do so well on your own so he teaches you things not school related like basic#sew life skills or tidbits he knows from being an adult that’s all#questions of styx.
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Endeavor OTC game for ADHD
antidoteforreality
is it really different from a standard FPS game? I’m curious about it!
Hope it's okay that I popped this into its own post, I found I had a lot to say :D
Context from the earlier post: EndeavorOTC is a paid app based on EndeavorRX, which is a prescription game for kids with ADHD. RX is FDA-approved; OTC is the version that hasn't gone through FDA approval, but it's a fork of the same code. It's fairly repetitive but that's because it's a training module shaped like a game, not a game that happens to do training.
It's less of an FPS and more of an infinite runner, like Sonic Dash or Temple Run. You're in a little ship that flies along a waterway, and you're supposed to hit "energy fields" which help you speed up to catch a critter you're chasing. You can't control your speed; you tilt your device to swerve left or right to hit the energy fields, but that's it. This is the "Steering" skill.
Your other, simultaneous task is to shoot critters that jump out of the water at you, called "targeting". It's a misnomer since you don't tap ON the creatures, you just tap anywhere on the right side of the screen and it shoots them for you, no aim required. These critters come in three colors, and at the start of every mission they tell you only ONE color to shoot. If you shoot the wrong color or miss an energy field while steering, you slow down very slightly. The goal is to speed up so fast that you catch the critter you're chasing, which is, to be fair, quite challenging.
You aren't ever penalized, really; the critter sometimes gets away, but you get points for trying. You don't have "lives", but you are time-limited -- once you've played for 25 minutes (a "dose"), the game locks down for the rest of the day. Something I REALLY like is that once you've paid the subscription price there's nothing else to buy: no ads to watch for bonuses, no microtransactions, no loot crates. You can earn coin to buy different outfits for your avatar, but that's it, and you can't buy coin, you just get a set amount per day for completing the dose. Every 15 missions or so, your ability to steer-target is evaluated and your score adjusted, which lets you know how you're progressing in terms of treatment, rather than skill at the game. You're supposed to play at least five days a week for six weeks as an initial treatment.
The reason I was willing to give it a shot was that the "targeting" aspect is based on the Go/No-Go Task, which is a legit tool they use in ADHD testing, and the aspect of the test I bombed the hardest when I was evaluated. Ongoing Go/No-Go task training has been shown in some research to help emotional regulation, although it's cognitive and not mindfulness. Overall the game is meant to improve focus but it was the Go/No-Go aspect that I found most compelling as a reason to try.
It's not cheap; you can get a 7-day trial but only if you pre-emptively subscribe, and if you don't cancel the subscription at the end of the 7 days you are charged $130, which I admit is a sneaky move to pull on a population not known for remembering to cancel subscriptions. The first thing I did after signing up was go to google play and cancel the subscription -- I still got to keep the trial -- but honestly when my trial is up I'll probably subscribe, it's a fun little game and I'm willing to risk the money to see if it helps (but I'm also in a position to spend $130 "just to see"). You can also do month-to-month for $25 but obviously the $130 yearly sub is much cheaper in the long run.
I've seen a wide variety of reactions to it, from delight to frustration, although a lot of the frustration seems to be from people who are more accustomed to intense gaming and are treating it like a video game and not a training tool. I'll keep you guys posted on how it goes.
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I Know I Look Good, but That’s No Reason to be This Upset
You have insecurities after seeing how good your boyfriend looks in a Calvin Klein ad. Jungkook does his best to cheer you up in his own way.
Mentions of insecurities. Some hints of adult themes.
You watched the video over and over. Your boyfriend Jungkook dancing through a parking garage shirtless with a loose tie around his neck. He looks incredible. You’re going through comment after comment saying how sexy he is, how good he looks, how incredible his abs are, and so on. You know that you should be happy as you’re the person that this man comes home to everyday but you can’t help but take a hit to your self-esteem and your insecurities were starting to rear their ugly head.
You had just started getting over the first drop of photos from the Calvin Klein shoot that made you feel absolutely awful about yourself. Jungkook always tried his hardest to make sure you knew how beautiful you were and that he only had eyes for you, but there was always this thought in the back of your mind that you couldn’t get rid of. You felt that he deserved someone prettier. Someone with abs and curves in all the right places. Seeing him look like a legit model with people all over the world drooling over him made you realize just how “plain” you were. You saw yourself as just average on a good day and when you were feeling down, like right now, you couldn’t even dare to look at yourself in a mirror and you definitely didn’t understand how Jungkook could even look at you.
For some reason you just couldn’t turn your laptop off. You played the ad over and over, each time a little piece of your self-esteem drifting away. Before you know it there were tears rolling down your face. You couldn’t stop yourself from thinking of all the reasons Jungkook would be so much better without you. He should be with another idol or even a model. Someone he could be proud to be seen with. The fans knew about you two and at first things were rough with hateful comments and posts but after Jungkook went live and gave them a stern talking to explaining that he loved you and them being mean towards you wouldn’t change anything they did start to treat you better, for the most part. You still got the occasional comment saying how ugly you were or that Jungkook could do so much better. Usually you could just ignore them except when you felt like this. You start to think back to every hurtful comment and post you’ve seen, including the few under the ad asking what this man sees in you. More and more you start to believe them.
You’re so wrapped up in your thoughts that you don’t hear Jungkook walk into the room. He slowly makes his way behind you hoping to scare you in a playful way but then he notices your shoulders shaking and he can hear your sniffles. He looks at your laptop screen and sees his ad playing on loop. He can also see some of the comments saying not so nice things about you. Deep down he knows why you’re crying but he’s hoping he can cheer you up with some humor. “”Aww Y/N, are you crying tears of joy at the fact that you get to sleep next to a stud like that every night?”, he says startling you.
You quickly wipe away the tears that have fallen and chuckle, “Oh yeah, I’m just over the moon.” Jungkook walks around and sits next to you on the couch wrapping his arm around your shoulder, “Y/N tell me what’s really wrong?” You shake your head not wanting to involve him in your insecurities, “Nothing, I’m fine. I just got a little emotional.” Jungkook knows you better than you think. He smiles, “I know I look good Y/N but that’s no reason to be this upset.” You smile at his attempts to make you laugh. You lean into him resting your head on this shoulder, “Why are you with me Kookie? Do you ever wish you could have someone else?”
Jungkook squeezes you a little tighter, “Never Y/N. If I didn’t want to be you I wouldn’t. That’s 100% the truth.” You look up at your boyfriend and you can see the sincerity in his eyes but you still need reassurance, “Do you mean that? Sometimes I just think you could do so much better but I think you’re too nice to leave.” He softly wipes away at the last few tears left on your cheeks, “Y/N I think you’re beautiful. Everything you hate about yourself I find a reason to love. There isn’t anything about you I would change.”
Slowly with his words you begin to feel better. Jungkook closes the laptop and slides it under the couch so that it’s out of site and out of mind. He grabs your hand and starts to pull you towards the bedroom. “Kookie what are you doing?”, you ask with a giggle. “Well I’m currently wearing all this Calvin Klein merchandise.”, he says showing you the band of his underwear. “And since it seems to make you so upset I thought maybe you could come help get it off of me.”, he says with a smirk and a wink before pulling you even faster to the bedroom.
#bts#bts fanfic#bts x reader#bts fluff#bts imagines#jungkook fluff#jungkook x reader#jungkook imagine#jungkook#jungkook fanfic#jungkook angst#bts jungkook
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Yes?
I can acknowledge a hundred problematic things about Harvard and legacy admissions and ridiculous tuition and endowments while still saying you can get an amazing education if you go there and apply yourself.
Yes, you can coast by and do the bare minimum and graduate at the bottom of your class and basically spend tens of thousands of dollars for nothing and leave with about the same knowledge you had when you started.
But I actually know someone who went to Harvard Law. One of the hardest things they ever did. They had to work their ass off. And because they actually wanted the best education possible and went into it with that mentality, that is exactly what they got.
So I guess you could say you cannot *just* go to Harvard and that is impressive. But if you thrive at Harvard and graduate with honors, that is a legit accomplishment.
So yes, graduating with honors from Harvard is impressive. Just as Tom Morello's wicked whammy guitar solos are impressive. There is a reason it has been a top 10 school in nearly every category for like the last hundred years.
But you don't have to be a Harvard grad to be impressive. I impress from time to time and I only graduated high school.
And you can definitely completely ruin that impressive feat by being Ted Cruz.
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I keep seeing fics and prompts where branch and John Dory and branch bond over them both being survivalist.
But like, John Dory did it for fun, he decided to leave and go off the grid, branch was a legit toddler having to figure out how to live without anyone
It’s kinda annoying to see people compare the two when they had completely different experiences and reasons they became survivalist 
When the series happens I wanna see an episode where John Dory is trying his hardest to relate about living in wild by themselves but branch is just trauma dumping without even realising it, making John Dory hate himself
Jd: man, there's nothing better than being COMPLETELY self sufficient, amirite bitty b? Going off the grid was the best decision I ever made
Branch: haha... yeah........ it was so fun having to engineer an advanced security system to protect myself from predators at the age of 14. Before I wired up indoor heating at around 17 it got so cold during snow day I had several hyperthermia scares, but, yknow, I only lost the one toe! And it was great for restocking the ice box, that I used since I didnt have electricity for a long time and OBVIOUSLY I didnt want the small game I managed to trap under a box to go bad. Yknow it took me a while to get used to snapping those poor things necks, and a couple times I didnt even kill them instantly so they were just writhing in pain and I had to stomp em to put em out of their misery and it was a TOTAL waste of meat and I cried a LOT, but I got used to it eventually. At least were not at the VERY bottom of the food chain, huh?
Jd:
Jd: I liked going fishing
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Hurricane Party|J.B
Warnings: MDNI18+, Smut, LSU!Joe x Reader. Natural Disaster talk. Mention of pregnancy. Fluff with minor angst. Crappy writing per usual.
Summary/Inspo: Got inspired by this storm that's going to unfortunately hit us in FL and Joe's iconic moment of being anti-hurricane party at LSU.
"So you should be expecting it to make landfall at around 9PM. Curfew will start at 6PM and all emergency services will be suspended starting 7PM and will be advised when they start again." You hear the TV reporter say on the tv in your room as you pack up your duffle bag with necessities. It was currently almost 3PM here in Baton Rouge, you and everyone else in the state were expecting a serious hurricane to sadly hit the state of Louisiana.
This wasn't your first rodeo being from an area where hurricanes happen here and there but it was for sure your first ever while away at college. It made you a little nervous, being in a different state for this one but you knew all the the important stuff about them and how to stay safe therefore you were as prepared as one could be. Your boyfriend Joe on the other hand, started to freak out about 48 hours ago when it was confirmed that it would be hitting us and not Florida or Mexico. Other than being disappointed his football game this week & practices were canceled for the remainder of the week, Joe was extremely nervous to experience this hurricane not being from the south.
"You sure Joe doesn't just want to stay over here? It's just going to be me and Beth." Your roommate Ella asks you as she passes your room. "Joe doesn't want to leave his apartment and if I don't go, he'll for sure spend it alone. He's never been through this." You sigh. "He's really freaked out by this isn't he? I saw the interview about him not being a fan of the hurricane parties he's been invited too." She snorts. "He's a legit grandpa about it." You chuckle zipping up your bags.
"Well, I hope you two stay safe! Beth is bringing over some portable chargers so hopefully we can remain in contact with you guys through the storm." Ella says as you walk out of your room with your bags. "You guys too, I think Joe also went overboard with the portable chargers so we shouldn't have an issue with that either." You snort grabbing the bag of snacks and flashlights you had on the dining table. "Bye sprinkles, take care of your mommy's." You pet Ella's cat who was lounging on a chair near the dining table.
"You guys have fun, don't get pregnant." You joke. "I'll try my darn hardest not too with my crazy fertile girlfriend." She rolls her eyes before laughing and walking you out. You put everything in your car and drive over to Joe's. The roads were crazy with people doing everything they needed to do before curfew was set. Long lines for gasoline were wrapped around places and groceries stores were full of people. You were glad you did everything yesterday and had all the important stuff you needed for the storm. Pulling up to Joe's you grabbed everything from your car and made your way up the stairs to his apartment, out of breath from the stuff you were carrying. You rang the doorbell and waited for a moment before the door opened revealing your favorite person. "You should of told me you were here, I would of helped you with all this stuff." Joe says quickly taking a few things from your hands.
"It's okay." You chuckled walking into his apartment and seeing the crazy amount of stuff he got. "Joe...is all of this really necessary?" You ask setting the bag of snacks on his breakfast bar as he goes to his room putting your other bags there for you. "Better safe than sorry." He says coming back into the room giving you a kiss on the cheek. "Five packs of water for two people is a bit much and how many batteries did you buy? I told you I picked some up yesterday at target." You scoff looking at everything. "You know I drink a lot of water and what if we get stuck here for days, I was reading on hurricane Katrina--Joe, honey... you can't psych yourself out like that." You grab his face calming him down. "I'm not, I'm just being smart." Joe rolls his eyes.
"Are you hungry? I can make us some sandwiches." Joe says grabbing your hands off his face and giving them a squeeze before walking into his kitchen. "That sounds good." You nod sitting in his bar chairs at the breakfast bar. "So, any of the guys coming over?" You ask looking into your bag of snacks. "No, a bunch of them are going to a stupid hurricane party. They're out of their minds." Joe scoffs taking out all the ingredients to make a sandwiches. "I've been to one, pretty fun actually." You shrug and Joe gives you look. "What? It was in high school." You shrug. "Then why aren't you at one now?" He asks cocking his eyebrow. "Because my scaredy cat boyfriend needs someone to hold him through the night." You pout. "Pft, I told you I'd be just fine here watching movies until the power went out." He says like no big deal. "Dude, you literally duct tape your windows...which you aren't supposed to do because you're creating bigger shards of glass if the windows were to break." You cross your arms.
"Naw uh." Joe looks at you and you roll your eyes. "Amateur." You mutter. "Well sorry for not being in the know about stuff, I'm from Ohio. We don't have literal tornadoes that attack us from the sea." He says handing you the sandwich. "All those youtube videos you watch and none of them serve for a hurricane." You shake your head teasing him. "Eat your food." Joe rolls his eyes at you making you laugh.
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"Winds are starting to pick up." You say from Joe's balcony. "Can you please come inside, it's not safe out there." Joe says to you as you look around at the swaying trees across the parking lot. "This isn't anything near bad, I'm fine." You chuckle leaning against the railing of the balcony. Curfew was set for the county you two were in about two hours ago and it was starting to get pretty windy with minimal rain coming in. "Y/N...C'mon please. You're making me me nervous here." Joe bites his lip from the sliding door looking at your nervously and starting to get ticked off.
"Fineee, you're such an old man." You sigh walking inside the apartment, Joe quickly shutting the sliding door and blinds. "I don't want anything to happen to you, winds are starting to pick up and you don't know what objects can come flying and hit you." Joe says as you sit on the couch. "Sit, let's watch some movies!" You pat the spot next to you. "I want to keep watching the weather, I don't have a good feeling about this." Joe shakes his head. "Joe, take a break." You grab the remote and go on a streaming service. You end up picking the movie Twilight and Joe sighs in annoyance. "Go get some snacks, we'll watch this and check on the weather every 30 minutes to compromise." You say to him. Joe agrees, bringing back some chips and water over. You two cuddled on the couch as the weather starts to get worse minute by minute outside. You could feel how tense Joe was so you gave him a few comforting squeezes and kisses on the cheek to help ease his nerves.
The movie went on and before you knew it, you were half way through the movie. "Wait, so he's basically 100 years old and he's falling in love with a high schooler?" Joe asks making you chuckle. "He's forever 17 though, so technically he's just frozen in time." You respond. "What the hell? That's creepy." He cringes making you laugh. "I like that Jacob guy better, he seems more trustworthy and her age." Joe nods. "Oh, you're in for a treat if you watch the other movies." You pat his arm. "Don't tell me he's also immortal and an old creep?" He asks. "No, but you'll see." You smirk. Continuing the movie, all of a sudden you two hear the wind howl a bit and the sound of rain start to get harder. Joes hand grips your thigh and you pat his arm kissing his shoulder as a sign of reassurance. You hoped you wouldn't lose electricity so soon and could at least watch a few more movies. "You know, I like Charlie." Joe says. "Of course you do, he's sort of like you. Awkward, hates talking to people and hot." You wink at joe which makes him blush. "You think he's hot?" Joe laughs. "Yeah, Carlisle is also hot and wait til you see Jacobs friends in the rest of them!" You wiggle your eyebrows, Joe shaking his head and rolling his eyes at you.
"Did you suddenly forget I'm not into dudes or?" Joe chuckles. "You can still find a man attractive without being gay Joseph, its 2018! I'm not asking you to kiss them." You roll your eyes. The movie eventually finished and Joe took that time to check the storm. It wasn't looking great but it wasn't looking as bad as it could either. Once Joe had enough of the weather updates he put on New Moon. "New guilty pleasure?" You chuckle at Joe who seemed to now be invested in this soon to be Vampire/Werewolf love triangle. "Just watch the movie." Joe mutters.
**********************************************
By the third movie, the storm was full force and Joe was very uneasy. He kept checking his phone watching the weather radar, biting his nails and bouncing his leg up and down. You were thinking of a way to ease his anxiety when all a sudden you guys heard loud boom outside and the lights immediately shut off. "What the fuck was that!?" Joe says freaking out. "It was probably an electrical transformer, we're fine I promise. It just means we won't have electricity for a while." You say turning the flashlight on your phone on and going to get the flashlights and lanterns, Joe following you. You guys get everything and make your way back to the couch placing down the lanterns and flashlights around the room.
"You okay?" You ask Joe softly looking at his worried face. "I guess." He sighs as we hear the howls of the wind and rains clashing against the windows. "We're fine, promise." You hug him giving him a kiss on his neck, Joe hugging you back tightly.
"Okay let's entertain ourselves, I brought over card games & board games." You clap your hands getting up from the couch grabbing a flashlight going into Joe's room where your stuff was placed and bringing out the games. "I gots us, regular playing cards, Uno, trouble, monopoly & this one is special just for you." You hand Joe a box which he seems confused by until he realizes what is it. "Flying Dutchman's treasure hunt... from SpongeBob? Where the hell did you get this?!" He says shocked. "Target had it, pretty pricey by the way I think it's meant to be more of a collectors item but I thought we could play it once and you can have it for your love of cartoons." You smile sitting on the floor placing the games down.
"This is awesome, thank you." Joe smiles giving you a sweet peck on the lips before he sits down across from you on the floor excited about his new board game. It was things like this you loved most about Joe, he was always so appreciative of things not matter how big or small and you could put a smile on his face with the silliest things. "I don't know how to play yet, but I'm kicking your butt." Joe says making you laugh. "It's on Burrow." You laugh seeing how quickly he gets competitive with you and just about anyone he knew.
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"What type of bird is that!? That looks nothing like a bird!" You scoff at Joe. It was later in the night now, storm was still hitting pretty hard and you two laid on his floor doing shadow puppets on the ceiling like the goofiest people you knew. "It's a hawk!" Joe says failing miserably at his shadow puppets. "Wait stick up your finger like that." You say holding your finger up and Joe does it in the light. "E.T...Phone...Home..." You mimic the iconic movie line making you laugh seeing Joe's skinny long finger on the wall. Joe sucks on his teeth annoyed that you hit him with that joke.
"Ha, Ha...so funny." Joe rolls his eyes as you still laugh. "Hey, it's not my fault your built like an alien from the 80s." You shrug. "Well you haven't complained about these alien fingers in bed." Joe clapped back. "Look at you getting feisty!" You giggle as Joe leans over kisses you tenderly. You gently grab his face between your hands and kiss him back, softly at first but that quickly turned into a heavy make out session. His fingers slipping under your shirt and up to your lace bra. All of a sudden a loud noise outside startles you both, Joe immediately looking terrified. "Hey, you're fine. Promise." You smile at him and kiss him. "Can we move to the bedroom, I like it'd be safer." Joe breathes nervously as we hear thunder rumble outside and wind pick up. "Yeah, whatever you want." You smile and nod. You two move to the bedroom bringing in the flashlights and portable chargers and lay on the bed. "We still have signal." Joe says checking his phone. "I hope it stays that way." You mutter setting down one of the lanterns.
"How are you feeling?" You ask Joe sitting on his nicely made bed. "I'm alright." he shrugs laying next to you. You give him a smile and pull him towards you to finish what your started in the living room and take his mind off what was happening outside. Quickly you two undress each other and you end up straddling Joe taking in his perfectly sculpted body beneath you. His eyes doing the same taking in your naked body before kissing down your bare chest and sucking on your sensitive nipple. Letting out a moan you run your fingers through his hair as Joe firmly grips your asscheeks simultaneously.
"I need you." You whisper to Joe. With zero hesitation, Joe aligns himself at your dripping entrance and you slowly sink down on him. Perfectly gripping onto him. "Shit, you always feel so good around me baby." Joe whimpers as you moan and grip onto his headboard. Taking a second, you slowly start to move, rolling your hips up and down as you make eye contact with and smirk at Joe. You get a rhythm going, feeling him play with your breasts. Moans fill the room as the storm outside echoes outside. Hearing another loud noise and the sound of a car alarm in the distance, instead of Joe stopping out of worry he quickly flips you over, not pulling out of you and starts pounding into you. "Fuck! Don't stop." You moan as Joe spreads your legs and focuses on his rhythm. "So fucking good." Joe hisses before he attaches his lips to yours and his fingers find their way to your clit. Between the sounds of skin slapping together, moans, whimpers and whispering sweet nothings; you two forgot all about what was happening outside.
*******************************************************
The next morning you woke up all sweaty. With a naked sweaty Joe sleeping, arms and legs draping over you you looked around the room hearing his snores with his face in the crook of your neck. It was completely silent outside and you wondered what time it was. Reaching over for your phone it was 7:04AM. "Joe...Joe, baby wake up." You shake him awake before he wakes up suddenly out of a panic. "What?! Are we getting flooded!?" He wakes up looking around with sleep still on his face which made you giggle. "No, the storm is over and we're on the second floor." You snort brushing his wet hair out of his face. "How bad is it?" He asks getting off you. "Don't know, I've been stuck under 200 pounds of man." You joke making Joe roll his eyes.
You two get up from the bed and you make your way to his shower. Thankfully the water was still on. "We have water, I'm gonna take a quick shower." You say and Joe nods. You both take a nice cool shower in order to cool down with the Louisiana humidity and heat starting seep through early in the morning. As Joe showers, you open the blinds and see a random chair in his balcony that was not there yesterday and a bunch of debris and leaves. You gasped looking at the semi flooded parking lot and a tree that was on the floor and on a car across the street. There was a few students already outside picking stuff up and checking stuff out. "And you were judging me for being nervous." Joe mutters kissing your cheek as he stands behind you looking at everything. "I just didn't want you to have an anxiety attack mister." You roll your eyes at him. You give him a quick peck and then he fetches his phone out of his pocket, someone was calling him.
"Hello?" Joe answers. You were surprised there was signal and decided to text Ella to see if her, Sprinkles and Beth were okay. "Yeah, where at? I can try my best I don't know how the roads are looking. Half my street is flooded." Joe says and you raise an eyebrow at him wondering what he was talking about. Ella texts back saying that there's really bad Joe hangs up and lets out a breath. "Guys are getting together to help out with cleaning around campus and some of the neighborhoods." Joe says. "Let's do it." You shrug. "I mean, you can stay here-- and have you walking in flooded waters not knowing there could be an electric wire there and have LSU's QB get fried like a french fry? Yeah, no. I'll put on my rain boots." You kiss his cheek. "Know it all." He rolls his eyes following you inside. "C'mon, now is where the real hurricane party starts where we get to rebuild our community!" You smile cheerfully. "We're still going to finish those Twilight movies by the way!" Joe says after you.
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A/N: Hope everyone being affected by this hurricane stays safe! Thought a little Joe fic would maybe ease the anxiety of it all 🖤
#joe burrow fanfiction#joe burrow smut#joe burrow x reader#joe burrow fic#joe burrow imagine#joe burrow x y/n#joe burrow one shot#joe burrow fan fic#joe burrow fluff#joe burrow angst
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If you don’t mind me asking, how did you find a writing agent to represent you? Been interested in writing a book for a while and I thought you might have some pointers since your posts are so informative and I think you’re an awesome writer :)
Great question, and thank you so much!
Background: The reason you get an agent is because you're interested in having your book published by a publisher (not self-publishing). Not all publishing houses require you to have an agent, but all of the big ones do, and many of the other legit ones. Some big exceptions are boutique small presses, like Ylva, for example, who accept unagented submissions and sometimes even solicit people.
But in most cases, if you want to be published by a publishing house, you need an agent, which is because these houses do not accept book submissions from authors. they only accept them from agents; ergo, to be published you need to submit, and to submit you need an agent.
Answer to your question: The way you get an agent is by applying, a lot like a job application. Here are the steps:
You need to write your whole book first (unless it's nonfiction) and have it be as good as you can possibly make it. That means beta readers, editing rounds, everything. Get it to the level where if you were self publishing, you'd be done.
You write what's called a query letter for your book, which is essentially a cover letter. Title, word count, comparison titles, plot hook, character intros, take them through about 50% of the plot, establish clear stakes, plus a bio about you. All of this in 400 words, mind you. This is often the hardest thing you'll ever write. I find the podcast "The Shit No One Tells You About Writing" to be the very best way to learn how to do this, and also a LOT of great stuff about writing craft. I listen religiously even though I haven't queried in years.
Research agents. There are thousands of agents out there. Some don't rep in your genre, some are not accepting queries (only working with the clients they already have). You can follow them on social media and search "Manuscript Wishlist" or MSWL to see what they are looking for.
Start querying! Send your query letter and sample pages (usually the first 10-50 pages, depending on what each specific agent wants) to agents, usually in batches of 10-15 at a time.
WAIT
Some agents get back to you very quickly. Most never get back to you at all, and you figure sometime between 6 weeks and 6 months is a pass. It's a very awful, sad, dehumanizing process that you need to be prepared for.
I queried for a year. I queried 65 agents. I only received one offer of representation. I think this low success rate was because I had a weird book that was outside of any typical genre (this was my fault, not that I created something new) and a bad query letter, but my writing was good and my now-agent saw potential in me.
But I will say this: If the only reason you want to write a book is to be published, you should either be good with self-publishing, or not do it. The odds of being published are astoundingly low. There are many many more talented authors than there are slots for debut novels. It takes talent and perseverance and luck to make it through all of these processes and emerge with a book deal, especially from a large publishing house that will pay you an advance and treat you well.
So I'd say, write the book if you want to write the book. Make it a joyful process whose best possible outcome is it being written. And then when you're done with it, if you're ready to drink from a firehose of research, resources, rejection, and hope, then fucking do it!
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The Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan, Episode 14 - Her Confusion
This is going to be twenty straight minutes of Kyon trying to explain the plot of the last three episodes to Yuki. The title should explain how well that will go.
OH HI THERE FACTORY SETTINGS
After mourning you last episode, I legit didn't think we'd ever see you again.
Oh. Shit. We're seeing Factory Settings's disappearance from Escapist Yuki's perspective.
Oh. Wow. I hadn't even considered that, yeah. Of course Ryoko was freaked out when Yuki, rather than going home, finished her book on a park bench and then called Kyon.
It's like 3 AM right now.
This is so bittersweet it hurts.
Factory Settings stated last episode that she wasn't going to tell Ryoko what was going to happen. She figured it'd be a burden on her, and that Ryoko'd be rooting for Escapist Yuki to come back anyway.
She wasn't entirely correct. It still hurts that Factory Settings got reassimilated like that, and you can see it in Ryoko's eyes, but at the same time, you can feel Ryoko's relief at having her friend back.
"You are in the process of involuntarily eating me. I am allowed a modicum of spite." ~Factory Settings probably
"I existed for like four days and managed to take the plunge you've been putting off all season. Have fun dealing with the fallout of that." ~Factory Settings probably
Boy, I love it when my doppelganger reveals my most deeply held secrets to the people around me and then vanishes like a magnificent poof. This is what Venom should be doing to Spider-Man.
What about the one that deleted you? Is that Nagato-san your--
Oh, wait, you stabbed Kyon to defend her without a moment's hesitation. Okay. Yeah. Hat Trick of Yuki friendships.
Still weirds me out that she sits there. I keep forgetting that Ryoko is in Haruhi's seat.
Like. She's there because the movie put her there. And the movie put her there because they wanted to maximize the WTF. It's not enough that someone else has Haruhi's seat. It's specifically the girl who tried to knife Kyon and now has a perfect shot at his back all day.
For the purposes of Disappearance's plot, this served the story well and raised tension.
...
But for an ongoing universe largely divorced from main continuity, it's weird that she sits there. Like. It's super weird, for reasons other than the Haruhi thing. Because she's Class President, and she's sitting in the designated Delinquent Seat. The spot that gets the least attention in class so you can get away with doing whatever, but that also has the hardest time seeing the board or getting the teacher's attention so no hard-working student would ever want it.
It made sense when Haruhi was there. She's a violent misanthrope who doesn't give a shit about class. But it's weird for Ryoko to be back there.
And technically it makes sense here too, because they didn't get to pick their seating assignments. The teacher assigned them. So Ryoko got screwed by luck of the draw, I guess. But it still. Feels. Weird. Ryoko is not the vibe for the Delinquent Seat.
At this point, I'm half-convinced that Haruhi's making it up whenever she says she told Yuki ahead of time. Yuki's neurodivergence is so strong she legit can't remember if Haruhi did or didn't, so she decides that must be true and goes along with it.
Of course, it's equally likely that Haruhi does consult her. But every time she talks, Yuki tunes her out and eagerly anticipates the moment when she can hang up and go back to her game.
In the Love Triangle, Haruhi is now in third place behind Yuki. It's mathematically impossible for this contest to even have a bronze medal and yet there it is, resting in her hands. She is not happy about it.
Oh good, we get to participate in the Tanabata theft this time around. Crime is always better when it's a group activity.
And now we know why Haruhi didn't go snatch up the bamboo tree by herself this time around. Not being God means she's subject to the whims of nature now. Fortunately, minions are an effective workaround.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ryoko whole-ass stealing Haruhi's thunder is the worst possible thing you can do to a narcissist.
How did you even know that, Ryoko? You're smart but I would not have expected you to be the type to follow Haruhi Logic like that. You were right there with that explanation as if the Distance To Deities equation is a belief system that you share.
GODDAMMIT
Love Triangle between Yuki -> Kyon -> Factory Settings (Deceased)
Fucking called it. And I'm mad about it. And now I'm going to throw things at the next person who passes under my balcony. Empty the whole-ass bookcase right on top of them.
It's funny how Mikuru and Tsuruya being attached at the hip means Mikuru has effectively been demoted to a glorified cameo in this series. And yet the same amount of screentime and stuff to do constitutes a huge increase in importance for Tsuruya.
The end of this episode features Haruhi unpacking her feelings about John Smith and their dynamic from three now four years ago, as we are well past where the first anime ended chronologically. (I think the light novels go all the way to college though?)
To be honest, I find Haruhi's maturity here unconvincing. Her perspective is basically, "Thank you for feeding my delusions while I made the journey of growing into a reasonable and well-adjusted human being." But it doesn't sound like Haruhi. Five minutes ago she was trying to give the Tanabata Speech from the show.
Rather, it feels like the show is coming to an end and Haruhi needs a consolation prize since she's the romantic rival destined to become a loose end, so she's being abruptly gifted with character growth.
There are a few common ways of ending the triangle. One of them is for the spare to undergo last-second character growth and turn into a self-martyring cheerleader for the Official Pair, which is what this feels like. But peacefully surrendering with dignity and grace doesn't feel right for Haruhi Suzumiya. She is a sore loser. She would scorch this earth. So it comes off feeling like they're doing the trope without regard to the Individual Character.
#the melancholy of haruhi suzumiya#the disappearance of nagato yuki chan#drake watches haruhi suzumiya
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Okaaaay pls gib that pre-TBABTO Stuilly scene. The night they got together, before they met Reader. I need to see the high emotions of that moment!
Ahhhhh! I am so, so happy you asked for this! I am so stoked to finally get this out! I wanted to write this for like ever! So fucking happy holidays to you Sunny, @polyghostfacehours this is for you, the biggest TBABTO fan ever! So for the unaware, Two Boys Are Better Than One, is my poly!Ghostface long fic, I adore it, and writing one-shots and exploring parts of it is the best, so whenever I can sink my teeth into this verse again I do it. I spent so long on this one, so much thought went into it, I hope you allll adore it! This is how Billy and Stu got together in TBABTO specifically. This is also my first like non reader fic, just legit characters, so that is wild too! Everyone enjoy the last fic of the year! Oh, and happy new year!
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Rating. Explicit. Length. 5.1K. Billy Loomis X Stu Macher. NOT READER INSERT! Pre-Events Of TBABTO. Warnings: Emotions. Shitting On Maureen Hard. Crying. Murder. Gore. Death. Lying. Making Out. Sneaking Around. Mentions Of Oral And Hand Stuff. Emotional Confessions.
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“What If It Isn’t A Joke?”
—
Billy Loomis was one of the most consistent things in Stu’s life.
Certainly more so than his parents ever have been. He felt invisible in his own house, his folks were much more concerned with other things so he had the need to get his attention outside of the house. What is one of the easiest and most satisfactory ways to do that? Being a loud and funny kind of guy, a class clown, naturally, it works, he gets the attention he has sorely been missing at home and in the process he ends up meeting Billy.
The two might seem a little odd as friends at first but they just work, always have, a sort of ease that was hard to find and that few friendships ever did. Did they fight and get on each other's nerves at times? Duh.
What close friends didn’t?
Stu could be sensitive and Billy could have issues with his temper and both could say shit at times they didn’t mean, especially while upset, but it was always ironed out in the end.
It was easier to deal with the hard emotions when he was around Billy, he felt heard and understood, someone else got him and kept him distracted when stuff was rough. So whenever the favour was in need of being returned Stu was more than happy, willing and able.
The hardest time in Billy’s life was unexpected to say the least. Billy’s home life always seemed so much more stable, he liked going to his house, his mom was always sweet to him, they seemed happy, adjusted, normal.
Mr.Loomis’ affair was a complete shock when it came out.
The fact that Billy’s dad cheated was insane, him cheating with his son’s friend’s mother was unbelievable, totally unthinkable.
So Stu was there for him, when the news came out, when everything looked so dour, when Billy’s mom left, he became the distraction his friend so desperately needed. Whatever he felt like Billy needed he was more than willing to do. Making him laugh became harder and harder, but the few times he could it would make Stu melt inside, the sound and smile spreading from brunette to blonde.
Stu really thought that Billy was starting to do better until the other horrible news came out. While his family was torn apart, Sidney’s was not, Mr.Prescott was insistent on them working it out, her family was still whole. Billy was avoiding Sidney like the plague, not wanting to be around her in any capacity. If they hadn’t been friends, if he didn’t go around to her place, then maybe the two wouldn’t have met, maybe his mom would still be around, it was too much to think about.
It was the first time he had ever seen him cry. Billy had cried in his life, sure, but he always hid it, didn’t want to be seen in that way, not even by his best friend but as they sat in Stu’s bedroom and he let loose emotionally. Divulging all he held in the tears fell and Stu didn’t judge or blame him, honestly shocked it took this long for him to get to this point. He wanted to reach out and touch him but he didn’t, afraid it might make his friend lash out. It was hard to see him like this, he was just as upset honestly, it was total bullshit, seeing him hurt so much made him hurt too. He didn’t deserve this, his family torn up, he let his own feelings spill forth as he said, “Maureen is a fucking bitch.”
It was like the floodgates opened even further after that, encouraged from what Stu said he began to really allow himself to vent, “She is such a bitch! She’s so fucking fake-”
“The fakest.” Stu agreed with a nod, before the rant from his friend continued, “-to think I went over to her house, I fucking sat there, ate the shitty food she cooked and she acted all sweet and normal all while she was fucking MY dad! Destroying MY parents' marriage!”
It was nauseating, again Billy and Sidney were friends for fucksake and she did that? Looked at one of her daughter's friends and went after their dad.
Billy ran a shaky hand through his hair and Stu in a moment of bravery, finally reached out, his hand to his friend’s knee and he said seriously while meeting his gaze, “She’s a disgusting fucking slutbag whore who deserves to rot.”
Billy let out a humorless laugh, closer to a sob, “You can say that again man, fuck.”
The pair said some truly awful shit but they were alone and in their feelings, it was harmless, right?
Besides Billy seemed to feel better, lighter after that vent session and so, it kept happening. Getting all his feelings and aggression out seemed to be working for him.
That same theme of ‘she should just rot’ kept coming up. One of these venting sessions Stu made the joke that, “You know we should really just kill her. That would fix all your problems.”
He laughed, it had been so long since he had genuinely laughed, warmth bloomed in Stu’s chest as he watched Billy wipe at his eyes, “Shit, yeah just put her outta her misery.”
“Take her out back and shoot her, like a less loyal ol Yeller.” Stu teased, pulling another laugh out before saying, “Actually that comparison is offensive.”
“Is it?” Billy asked on an exhale and Stu said, “Yeah. To the dog.”
A new favourite edition to the bitch sessions made its appearance, joking about how Maureen Prescott should die and what they would do. At first it was funny, ridiculous ideas that in no way had much basis in reality, cartoony in nature. But soon enough it started to shift and change and bleed, turning into them talking more seriously, Billy is the one who began to get more real with it, graphic and violent. “A gun is too good for her.”
A questioning hum from Stu and Billy said, “It’s too quick, too clean. She deserves to fucking suffer.”
There was this look in those warm brown eyes. A fire, a passion and Stu realised that he was serious. He looked more like himself, but also, better in a strange kind of way, as if this was helping him come back more to who he was before this mess, being put back together but better.
“What would you do to her Billy?”
There was no pause, no hesitation as he started to say, “I’d want to do it in her house. I’d want to go there and make her afraid for her life, make her feel small and helpless, make her beg for me to not do it but I would.”
“How would you make her suffer?” Stu asks, there was hardly any space between both of them.
Their eyes met and he said, his tone sure and confident, an undeniable edge of heat to it that had Stu questioning himself and his own feelings, “I’d take that knife in my hand and I’d make her regret every single action, no matter how small, that led her to ruining my life. I’d fucking skin her alive, I would-”
“What then?” His voice didn’t sound like his, why was he out of breath?
“I’d drive that knife into her, over and over. The bitch likes to be penetrated so much I can give that to her, I’d stab her until she was unrecognisable, make her choke on her own fucking blood.”
Jesus he shouldn’t like that thought even the smallest bit and yet it made him feel something he refused to contend or deal with. He thought maybe this was enough, it was all done but the next time Billy came over he wanted to talk about seriously. Nights spent up late talking out every single angle possible and figuring it out, countless movies watched, pages of notes scribbled down, it bonded them even closer together somehow. Stu felt special because Billy was the only person he trusted enough with this side of himself, to help him through this. Stu kept convincing himself, perhaps if they planned it that would satisfy him, then they could stop, they would stop.
But then Stu finds himself in all black, with a knife he bought and Billy by his side, the pair of them outside the Prescott house after Cotton Weary just left, the perfect patsy to pin it all on, thank God that Maureen slutted it up so much, it really helped them here. Sidney and dad were both not home and unaware of what was about to happen.
It happens so fast, a total rush, breaking in, ropes used, he held her down while Billy tied, quick and practised moves. She was gagged, the sounds she made were still awful when ice cold sharp steel was driven into her over and over. He got caught up in the moment, when Billy offered he couldn’t help himself, he took the knife, it wasn’t like he even wanted to do this really, he more wanted to do this with Billy, share the experience, be apart of this, do it for him, he’d do anything to make him happy.
Together, this is all about doing it together, he couldn’t let him do it alone and moreover he didn’t want him to, if Billy was doing it? So was he. His own personal feelings be damned.
The knife feels heavy, the handle slick with blood already, he had to grasp it firmly to keep his hold on it, he didn’t look where he stabbed, not on the first one anyway. It slid in so easily, so smoothly, Stu always knew he was strong but he didn’t really think about how much until this moment, the next he stole a glance and the third he couldn’t look away. From hand falling, to blade embedding, to twisting and pulling it free, the sickening sound of it unignorable, Maureen was weak, her body jerked upwards as he removed the weapon, the new wound was deep, even more blood poured out, she was coughing, near the end.
He couldn’t finish her off, it wouldn’t be right, he gave the knife over and Billy took it gratefully.
He didn’t need to hold her down any longer, she had no fight left. This is the one image that was the most dangerous, the one that refused to leave his brain that made him the most concerned about doing this. Seeing Billy, knife in hand, blood soaking into his clothes, above the woman who brought him so much pain, tore his family apart irrevocably, his body and muscles taught, ready to strike. Stu watched every second of it, the end came quickly, more quickly than Billy would have liked, he wanted to spit on her corpse but that would be reckless, even more stupid than this already was.
Instead he cursed her out, Stu let him get some of it out of his system, horribly obscenities flung before pulling him up and dragging him out of there. As soon as they were outside they were running, had to get away, the reroute pre-planned and careful, they didn’t stop until they had made it back to Stu’s place.
They were safely inside Stu’s room, still slick with blood and out of breath, Billy opens his mouth and says, “We did it, we actually did it, holy fuck Stu-” And before he could say anything in response there are hands on his face, sticky, warm and he is pulling him close and to his shock, he was kissing him.
He had dreamt about this, fantasised about it much more than he would ever admit to anyone, least of all Billy, but he never thought it would actually happen. His mind went blank, it took a moment for him to respond, to return his effort and kiss him back, his own tacky hands reaching out and fisting in the shirt of his partner in crime. He kisses differently than he imagined he would with one small detail still as he predicted it would be, he is forceful and fiercely confident. He doesn’t want it to stop, he clings, returns all he is given, unsure what this is or means, if this is simply a one off, or worse some kind of sick joke.
He pushes down any worry, choosing to focus in on the moment, drinking in every single second of it, of him, how he tastes and smells, the heat radiating off him, the feel of them pressed together. He didn’t want it to stop, didn’t want it to end, but all moments, even the best ones, are just that, moments.
Inherently fleeting is the very nature of a moment. Here and then gone, always meant to end, no matter how tightly we hold, it isn’t something we can change.
Stu has to hold back a whine when Billy breaks away, sucking down a deep breath and he is terrified, wondering if he was about to say it was a mistake or some prank. Instead the hands on his face move, thumbs sweep over his cheeks and down, the move isn’t smooth, lingering blood making the movement clumsy but somehow better, it made it feel more real, grounded Stu to the now, to them. Billy spoke, genuinely, as he was staring into Stu’s eyes, “Thank you.”
His mind felt slow and far too sluggish, felt much more in his body, his brain having a strong disconnect as he is riding the high from his first, and hopefully, not his only kiss with his best friend, he spoke without thinking, “For?”
Billy laughed, eyes closed and nose wrinkling as his head pitched forward slightly and that made Stu smile, wide and goofy grin spreading easily on his face. Billy’s head came back up, another deep breath with his hand on Stu’s chest, he wondered if he could feel his heart going nuts, Billy sighed, “You’re fucking hilarious man.”
“Thanks.” Stu hummed out, his hands moving now, letting go of his shirt, smoothing over shoulders. The brunette looked down at himself and said, “Jesus, we're a mess. Mind if I use your shower?”
“Yeah, no sweat, go for it.” Came his response as he pulled his hands away.
He didn’t think about what they did.
Shockingly he really didn’t. Maybe if he didn’t share that kiss with Billy, maybe if after they were both cleaned up they didn’t raid Stu’s kitchen and eat way too much food, maybe if he didn’t sleep over that night he would have felt some kind of guilt, his mind might have run and slumber would elude them. But that didn’t happen, Billy stayed and he didn’t question his decision much and he still didn’t when Marueen’s body was discovered and the media circus in town started.
The two clung closer, spent tons of time together, and of course, talked. Billy found himself hating Sidney more and more as time drags on. Listening to her talk, even briefly about how much she was hurting, how much her mother didn’t deserve it, all it served to do was infuriate and annoy Billy. She deserved to hurt, deserved the pain, he couldn’t be the only one hurting, he lost his mother and now she lost hers, the scales felt more even but surprisingly the pain he felt didn’t stop. It eased but it still had a particular sharpness, an edge that could cut deeply if he were left to linger on it too long.
It was a week after that first kiss. It was late, watching a movie, not the first of the night, it was dark, nothing but the blue lights from the tv illuminating the space. They were on opposite ends of the couch, Stu was reclined, back against the arm rest, hands behind his head, one foot on the floor, the other resting on the couch, knee bent, extremely relaxed. Billy was in an equally at ease position, leaning back, cheek resting on his hand. They weren’t really joking or riffing, a comfortable silence had fallen over them, Stu was focused on the movie, but something pulled his attention, namely, Billy moving. He thought he might be going to use the bathroom or get another snack or something, Stu’s head turned to see what was up but instead of him standing, there was his best friend, coming closer. He didn’t know what to say, what he could say as he settled on top of him, unsure of what was about to happen until for the second time he felt Billy’s lips on his.
They didn’t talk about it.
They talked about a lot of things, but not about the slowly building physical relationship between them. They didn’t talk about the long make out sessions, or the afternoon they got off while watching each other or the hand jobs or the blow jobs, or the many other things they did when fooling around.
Stu was never sure when it would happen, seemingly for no real reason, the mood would hit his partner in crime and he’d give into it and soak up all of it. He wanted to return it, wanted to reach out and touch, wanted to press into him, kiss him, but he also didn’t want to be rejected. The idea of trying to initiate something only to have Billy recoil was heartbreaking so he didn’t.
He just spent time with him, always hoping that Billy would start something up, nervous tension lingering in the back of his mind. Luckily, thankfully, it seemed to be happening more often than not, the sneaking and fooling around was fun, way too fun as it kept ramping up. It was hard to remember the awful act that they committed unless Billy brought it up and when he did he would just be reminded of the confusing feelings he had that night. It was like something was woken up in him that night, something he didn’t expect, it started to pop up more and more, in those quiet, lonely, few and far between moments when Billy wasn’t around.
He liked the connection, the fact they had a secret, that is what he liked, right? He didn’t like holding the knife or the way the body spasmed under him when he stabbed it, the rush of emotion and blood, he wasn’t that person. At least that is what he kept telling himself.
So why is he so into the image of Billy that night, wielding that blade and covered in blood.
He didn’t like to think about it, it was much too confusing.
He only did it for him, he didn’t do it because he enjoyed it on any sort of personal level, nope, no way.
Stu used to never give a shit about the news but as the trial progressed it seemed to be the main thing Billy and him watched. Almost always on in the background.
It was a late Saturday afternoon when the news dropped.
They both were in Stu's living room, had the TV on, had been talking, trying to distract themselves as they waited, wondering if they'd really done it. Stu had been laying back on the couch, throwing a ball up and catching it over and over, just something to occupy his hands and give himself something to focus on.
Billy was in the chair near him, boots on the coffee table and when those words actually filled the air between them, they couldn't believe it.
“Cotton Weary has been found guilty for the crime of murdering Marueen Prescott.”
Stu sat up, looking over to Billy, wondering if he heard, hell wondering if he heard right himself, asking, "Did they-?"
The pause was killing him.
Billy had his eyes still focused on the tv, but he started nodding and then he said, "They...They did."
He sat back in his chair and Stu practically fell over himself as he got off the couch, "Holy shit man!"
Stu’s mind started running a mile a minute and his mouth tried to keep up, “This is huge, massive, this is everything you wanted man, just! Fuck they believed it, they think he did it, they think that pathetic shithead Cotton fucking Weary did it-”
He kept talking, rambling, Billy seemed a million miles away, he was sure he was thinking just as much as he was. The verdict was really sinking in. Stu's hands were on his shoulders and gave his best friend a small shake. "We actually did it!"
Billy finally let himself smile that afternoon and he said, "Yeah. We did."
Stu’s own face threatened to hurt from smiling as he was stuck on that word. We. He is totally right, this couldn’t have happened without both of them.
It was a massive relief. So much pressure taken off. They had both been feeling it, even if again, they didn’t talk about it, but now it didn’t matter, they did the impossible, literally got away with murder.
Obviously they had to celebrate it properly.
They could really relax now, the pressure was totally off and the high was unlike anything else.
It felt corny to think, let alone ever say out loud, but Stu had been to and hosted a lot of parties, loved the attention, the feeling of it all, however, being alone with Billy here, was so much better.
They didn’t stay at Stu’s for long. They went out and upon his urging he said he had a plan. Billy figured the least he could do was put a little faith in him. So when a few hours later, a box of pizza and a stolen pack of beer later, the car was parked in the forest and he asked, “Where are we going, man?”
“Were almost there, c’mon you’ve had fun so far, right?” Stu asked and he had to admit, he did, times with Stu were always fun.
“Yeah I have, but what are we doing in the fucking woods?” Billy asked, hand not holding the six pack gesturing out to the trees around them. Stu rolled his eyes, “What’s wrong with some fresh air and a change of scenery? We’ve been stuck in my house for weeks watching the damn news! It’s right up here-”
A groan, pretending to be put out, but the smile on his face is fond and Stu’s shoulder bumped his, “Shut up.”
“With how much you talk I can barely get a word in edgewise anywa-” The joke died on his tongue when they reached their destination. He had never been here before. A break in the trees, a clearing, a cliff and a pretty stellar view of Woodsboro as the sun was finishing setting.
“Holy shit.” Billy said and Stu said as he passed by him, “Right?”
“Where the fuck did you find this place?”
“Heard from a little birdie, don’t worry about it.” Stu told him as he sat down, patting the spot next to him, “Let’s eat before the pizza gets cold.”
This is just what he needed.
Laughing and joking around, no worries, everything worked out amazingly. A few slices and cans in they both felt loosened up enough, far away enough to really gush.
“You know what is the craziest part about this?” Billy started.
“The fact we got away with it?” Stu asked and it made him pull the can away from his mouth, the back of his hand hitting his chest, “Yes! Exactly! We didn’t just fool the fucking idiot Woodsboro cops, we didn’t just trick Sidney fucking Prescott, we pulled one over on the entire country! Everyone was watching this case coast to Goddamn coast!”
When he put it in words like that it was a little hard to not be excited by it. There was a lot of power in it, something about it did feel totally nuts. “I still can’t believe it! When they said he was guilty I thought I was going insane! It’s completely-”
“Unbelievable!” Billy cut in, his hand on Stu’s shoulder and he said, “And we did that man. Us.”
Stu nodded, corners of his mouth pulled up again in a grin, he took another drink, liking the feeling of Billy’s hand on him too much, “Yeah man, us.”
“If only there really was an us.” Stu mused quietly to himself. This was fine though. It wasn’t everything he wanted but just being near him and with him was enough, he could live with it. He pivoted the subject.
“Do you think about that night we did it, often?” Stu asked and Billy groaned, his head tipping back as he said, “Yes! Oh my fucking God, yes.”
He sighed, “That night was just-” He let his sentence trail off, “-everything I had been wanting for so long.”
“Everything, huh?” Stu asked with a nudge and no small amount of hope and he said, “Yeah, I felt, so, so out of control for so long, like my life was destroyed, the rug pulled out from under me and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt really helpless but that night, this, what we did, I’ve never felt more sure of myself. Like I was doing what I needed to take all that power back.”
Stu had a problem. A serious problem. Listening to his best friend talk about the night they committed murder shouldn’t make him almost melt, hearing how happy he was, how it fixed everything, how Stu helped fix everything.
“You really seemed to enjoy it in the moment.” Stu said quietly and Billy was up on his knees, he finished draining his current can, a casual toss of it aside before looking down at him, “You didn’t seem to exactly hate it yourself.”
He didn’t.
Stu ignored the feeling that stirred in his chest at the memory of him wielding the knife, instead he was a little bold, he said, “I certainly didn’t hate the little after party at my house.”
“Ah yeah, after our clean getaway?” The brunette inquired as he moved closer, Stu snorted, “Clean getaway? Did you see the state of our clothes and my bathroom after that? Nothin’ clean about it.”
Billy let himself laugh, he was beside Stu now, much, much closer as he said, “Fucking corny as shit man, that’s what you are.”
“You still laughed.” Stu pointed out and he had to concede, “I did. You make me laugh more than anyone.”
No retort was handed out because there was no opportunity for one to be given because before he could they were kissing. Stu is sure he leaned in first but Billy closed the gap so fast it was almost as if who started it didn’t really matter.
Billy hadn’t been able to stop thinking all night. Hadn’t been able to look away from Stu all night either. He had been thinking, felt like he had been thinking more about Stu and this, whatever it was, since that first kiss, no that was a lie, since before that. After that kiss is when he started thinking more about him, so much more.
He thinks he had been thinking more now about everything between them then he ever did when he was planning the murder.
His feelings were such a mess, he felt like a mess. He felt things, deep and real, things that made him ache and it was finally too fucking much.
Reluctantly pulling away he breathed out, “Stu?”
“Yeah man?” Came the out of breath response and Billy sat up, “I got something on my mind, it’s been something I’ve been thinking about a while-”
“You can talk to me, you can always talk to me.” Stu assured, concern was tinting his tone as he sat up too.
Where could he even begin to explain all that was going through his mind all this time?
Stu could see he was struggling, he reached out, holding out his hands and Billy sighed in relief, he took his hands, gratefully. He felt his hands were way too sweaty but he didn’t say anything about it. He took a deep breath and met his gaze, Stu gave a nod, encouraging him, he seemed almost worried, “Spit it out man.”
Right, he’s right, just say it.
“What we’ve been doing, ever since that night, it’s been-” Amazing? Fantastic? Better than anything I have ever experienced? Nothing seemed quite right. His mind is going as fast as his heart, “-and I can’t stop thinking about it and you and, it’s like we are joined at the hip at times but still when you’re gone-” He laughed, a shake of his head, “-I miss you.”
A deep and shuddering breath, “How fucking lame is that shit? I hang out with you all afternoon and all fucking night after doing stuff like this-” He squeezed his hands, “-and when I leave I still miss you.”
He didn’t stop talking.
“And I am so thankful! You have always been here when I really, really needed it. You are there for me more than anyone, I mean fuck, look what you did with me!”
Stu let out a small laugh and Billy kept rambling, “And that, I keep thinking of all that.”
“All of what?” The question was so quiet he wasn’t sure Billy would hear him at first.
“All those things you do. That dumb laugh and smile and how you can never keep that stupid tongue in your mouth.” Stu opened his mouth and Billy laughed, letting go of his hands and instead forcibly closing Stu’s mouth who tried to squirm away.
“Knock it off man, oh my God.” It was absurdly fond when he said it, pulling away his hands when he was sure he wasn’t going to continue being such a dumbass.
Stu agreed, wide grin and still snickering, “Okay, okay-”
“What I am trying to get across is this, thing, whatever it is, I don’t want it to be a secret any longer.”
Was he hearing him right, he couldn’t help it, he asked, “Billy what are you saying?”
He still had his hands on him, another reassuring touch, thumb tracing over his pulse, “I’m saying I don’t want to keep sneaking and fucking around. I want to be with you.”
Did he die?
Stu couldn’t help but wonder if he actually fucking died in the car on the way here. He wanted to ask if he was joking or something but instead he didn’t question shit, why should he? It was everything he wanted, about to be handed to him, so he didn’t say anything. Hands fisted in Billy’s shirt and he pulled him to him, he kissed him first and they both melted into it. When he finally did pull away Billy asked, “So you want that too or-”
“Yes, holy shit yes, okay?” Stu laughed, arms wrapping around him, a strong hug and Billy hummed out, “Holy shit are the words of the day aren’t they?”
“Seems like.” Billy responded as he returned the hug. They stayed up there for hours before they came down sometime after three in the morning hand in hand.
They weren’t sure where to go from here or how it would all pan out between them in the long run but hey they did get away with murder. When they were together, they could do anything.
#Stuilly#Billy Loomis X Stu Macher#BHF asks#BHF writing#polyghostfacehours#I hope you all love it!#HAPPY NEW YEAR
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it truly fascinates me to no end just this absolute dichotomy raph and leo create when it comes to responsibility and heading up the team, i am clenching my fists about it so hard,
they both love their family more than anything they both want everyone safe they both would sacrifice anything for them, they’re both scared and young and flawed and! they’re both terrified of failing at it!! they both try to carry it all alone even though it’s unsustainable!
but it’s so like, raph with his heart on his sleeve about the fact that he is 110% at all times sincerely earnestly trying, giving it his all, and if he messes up or gets knocked down he wipes his face and gets up and kinda relentlessly tries again and again. like if he fails it’s the end of everything for him, he’s the oldest, this is his job, this is the most important part of who he is
and leo is much more cards up the sleeve about it all, he has this strange and ever-shifting balance of a very legitimate big ego to legit insecurity to wanting to be Seen and like, that absolute “i would rather not try than try my hardest only to wind up failing, because i’m terrified what it says about me if i can’t measure up” and not knowing that it means he doesn’t even have the comfort of knowing he did absolutely everything he COULD if things go wrong
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May 31, 2022
May We Lift Each Other Up 2022 Wrap-Up!
Instead of an individual lift-up, today I just wanted to lift up the experience of fandom in general, and reflect on what it’s given me.
Fandom has given me the joy of witnessing other people’s creativity. As I said elsewhere, I want to lift you all up because you’ve already lifted me up. I’ve gotten to see people in all stages of their journeys. I’ve gotten to see people blossom and grow and that is so beautiful to me.
I’ve also gotten to enjoy (FOR FREE) the results of those labors and that work. I’m not sure I can adequately articulate the impact fic and art have had on my life. Of course, it’s entertained me. But it’s also challenged me. It’s helped me learn new things about myself and people and the world. Fic has given me tools and wisdom for managing my own trauma/C-PTSD and pain. Fic and fandom have helped me understand myself and my own neurodivergence in SO many crucial ways, ways that are allowing me to be happier, healthier. A better partner and parent. Fic has been with me through some of the hardest experiences I’ve had, and it’s brought me comfort and healing.
Fandom and fic have brought me some of the best people I’ve ever known, and some of the closest friends I’ve ever had. It’s given me a place to be wholly myself. I think like a lot of people, I’ve had a hard time in the real world finding people and places where I felt like I could bring all of me and be, not only tolerated but genuinely embraced. I’m legit tearing up writing this, at how grateful I feel.
So many people commented how this was something they really needed in the moment they received it, and I was really struck by that. Things are hard in the world right now. So hard and scary and heartbreaking. And it feels daunting and overwhelming to know where to begin. I guess a thing I take from this is, that any kind impulse we have, it matters to express it, if we can.
Our words matter. I really believe in energy, and I believe that what we put out into the universe stays there. This is not to say that anyone should feel guilty if they can’t, of course not! But if you’re having that impulse, and you wonder, does it matter? Does it make a difference? It does matter. It does make a difference.
I cannot tell you how hard it was to limit myself to 30 days and 32 people. I think I could have written ten times the number of posts that I did. As I said before, I wish I had the spoons to lift every single on of you who’s touched my life, but whether or not I wrote a post highlighting any particular person, please know that I *am* lifting you up in my heart. Because you matter. Your presence here matters, and I say that confidently, whether or not we’ve ever interacted.
So thank you all, so much, for going on this journey with me! Honestly, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep it up for the whole month, and I’m sort of astonished that I did. Thank you to everyone who gave me ideas and recommendations, I’ve read things that have moved me and given me so much. Thank you to everyone who supported this project.
Tl;dr - Just… thank you.
Below the cut is the list of all the amazing people I’ve got to lift up this month! Check them out!
May 1 - @kingsofeverything
May 2 - @phoebe-delia
May 3 - @louandhazaf
May 4 - @sweet-s0rr0w & @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm
May 5 - @sitp-recs
May 6 - @tackytigerfic
May 7 - @londonfoginacup
May 8 - @teacup-tai
May 9 - @lululawrence
May 10 - @lqtraintracks
May 11 - @crinkle-eyed-boo
May 12 - @m4g0rtz & @julcheninred
May 13 - @justalittlelouislove
May 14 - @softlystarstruck / @celestialbee
May 15 - @clottedcreamfudge
May 16 - @onbeinganangel
May 17 - @nv-md
May 18 - @thebooktopus
May 19 - @becomeawendybird
May 20 - @lettersbyelise
May 21 - @laynefaire
May 22 - @wolfpants
May 23 - @allwaswell16
May 24 - @veelawings
May 25 - @helloamhere
May 26 - @fallinglikethis
May 27 - @the-starryknight
May 28 - @suburbanmotel
May 29 - @academicdisasterfic
May 30 - @pineau-noir
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I left my job of nearly a decade in the early days of COVID and it was legit the hardest thing I ever did. Cried for days. I was devastated to leave a program that I'd spent so much time building. My job was a huge part of my identity.
If leaving doesn't make you emotional, it means you stayed too long. You may be headed on a new endeavor, but be proud of your work and look forward to the new things you'll get to do in your new gig. If you hate it, you can always try something else.
You’re so right about work becoming part of your identity. I won’t go into it too much but I look to external validation a lot and I try to fit moulds of what I think people want from me so work is a big part of who I am, I use it as part of my identity for sure, and so it does feel like a bigger experience than just changing jobs.
You are all very wise haha. My mum has a great saying, I think I’ve mentioned it before, that there’s almost nothing so bad you can’t find a way out of it. I might hate it but as you say, I can leave. I can get a job in a different field. I have enough money saved up to go and stay in Spain for a year and figure out what I want to do. I have options, and am very fortunate in that, so while I can’t necessarily go back to where I was, I will be ok no matter what. And it’s definitely comforting to feel like I made the right choice moving! My old neighbour didn’t even know my name, and my new neighbour gave me flowers as a welcome gift! That was a big part of why I took the job as my original plan was always to stay and wait for a promotion. And I worried that was a mistake and so the job move was for nothing, but I’m already much happier here.
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Sephiroth & Ganondorf, two video game villains who got big in the 90s and left legacies that endured for the rest of their franchises, and for whatever reason, I associate both of them with this time of year.
They’ve made many appearances in different games (and one movie in Sephiroth’s case), so I went and graded them all to rank them on a Top 13 list, which I’m laying out here. Ranked from best to worst.
SEPHIROTH
1. Final Fantasy VII (1997): 10/10. A super compelling, powerful, terrifying, and unforgettable bad ass villain, never to be topped.
2. Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core (2007). 9/10. The hardest any other official FFVII work went to nail Sephiroth as a character, though he is sadly still saddled with lots of baggage whether it be backstory with two dull angel wing friends or a shit rendition of One Winged Angel!
3. Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children (2005). 8/10. For what his role is, he plays it very well, and he actually manages to be legit intimidating again. But it’s literally all he’s there for - he has to fight Cloud and get his ass killed by him AGAIN purely out of obligation.
4. Dissidia: Final Fantasy series. 8/10. Again works very well for what he is. Once you've accepted that this is not the OG Sephiroth, he's actually really cool as his own character on his own merits.
5. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. 8/10. A glorious return to form for Sephiroth after...certain other incidents earlier on in 2020.
6. Mobius Final Fantasy. 7/10. He just does the generic and typical Sephiroth shtick but hey, at least he does it with some nice style!
7. Itadaki Street. 7/10. It's Sephiroth, along with Golbez, Gilgamesh, and Kefka, living in a mundane town and playing party games with Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest characters. That is hilarious!
8. Kingdom Hearts (2002). 6/10. A great bonus boss with a great look, but not much of a true villain since he’s playing by the rules, and both "One Winged Angel" and his voice... have sounded better.
9. Ehrgeiz: God Bless The Ring (1998). 5/10. A guest fighter who nowadays looks young and foolish compared to what we later got in the Dissidia games and Super Smash Bros. Ultimate!
10. Kingdom Hearts II (2005). 4/10. He straight up did not need to be in this game if THIS was the material (and to clarify, I’d much prefer he be in the game since hearing Donald and Goofy say his name should not be passed up!)
11. Final Fantasy VII Remake (2020). 3/10. Why is he in THIS game in any point of it before the finale? Why couple such cool visuals with such bad writing!? Why was Tyler Hochlin's delivery so wooden?!?
12. Before Crisis & Last Order: Final Fantasy VII (2004). 2/10. Worst Sephiroth ever, he looks and acts like a pansy ass bitch!
13. World of Final Fantasy & Kingdom Hearts UX (2015/16) 1/10, total cameo appearances, doesn't even get to say a single thing!
(Side Note: Shout out to Final Fantasy VII Machinabridged Series. Sephiroth is prone to many parody versions of him, so how is it that this abridged parody series somehow produced a PERFECTLY accurate replication of the horror of OG Sephiroth who is also the most dark, twisted, and reprehensibly evil take on the character ever seen in anything FFVII-related? It just boggles the mind, I tell you!)
GANON
1. Hyrule Warriors series. 10/10. Best looking, best characterized, and most formidable and powerful take on Ganon to date.
2. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (1998). 10/10. All things considered, he was just the perfect villain in this game.
3. Super Smash Bros. series. 9/10. Not always one of the best combatants but certainly never bad and always badass to use.
4. The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker (2002) 8/10. Whenever he's actually on-screen, he's great. Shame we didn't get all that much of him compared to his showing in Ocarina of Time.
5. The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (2006). 7/10. He’s mostly Zant's master who is unseen for most of the game until hijacking him as the final boss at the very end. But he’s a damn good final boss.
6. The Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past (1992). 7/10. He’s mostly Agahnim's master who is unseen for most of the game until he's the final boss at the very end, but again, he’s a damn good final boss.
7. The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventure (2004). 6/10. A less effective Hijacking By Ganon to be the final boss at the very end. His backstory isn’t very remarkable and his design looks kinda dumb.
8. The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages & Seasons (2001). 5/10. His designs are great but one of them didn't even get used and for the big final boss battle, he's reduced to a mindless, dumb beast!
9. The Legend of Zelda (1986) & The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (2017). 4/10. In both of these games Ganon is just incredibly underwhelming, and in the latter it's not even Ganondorf anymore!
10. BS Legend Of Zelda & Cadence of Hyrule. 4/10. These games are non-canon to the main series timelines and it really shows in Ganon. In the former they took that evil caped pig shilouette Zelda II’s Game Over screen too literally, and in the latter he’s a major Adaptational Wimp who seems almost more like a parody of Ganon!
11. The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds (2013). 3/10. Yuga, the Lorule counterpart to Ganon, is an excellent villain, but his whole thing relies on Ganon being made a chump to get hijacked by him!
12. The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening (1993). 2/10. He was just a nightmare, so grab your fuzzy TEDDY BEAR!
13. Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (1987). 1/10, GAME OVER, RETURN OF GANON. That's literally it.
(Side Note: OK, to address the elephant pig in the room, the Ganon from the ever notorious Zelda CDI games would get a 0/10 for not just non-canonical status and lack of faithfulness, but being just atrocious in general. Atrocious design, atrocious animation, atrocious dialogue, atrocious fights and defeats, literally the only thing he has going for him is Mark Berry’s surprisingly dedicated voice acting!)
#Final Fantasy#Final Fantasy VII#Sephiroth#Nintendo#The Legend of Zelda#Legend of Zelda#Ganondorf#Ganon
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I ended up in a rabbit hole entirely on accident this weekend, but it was super worth it. (Cutting on mobile won't work so sorry for this massive post.)
I used to watch "The Soup" religiously as a teenager and young adult. It was a show on E! where Joel McHale basically tore apart the worst trash TV you could think of - and in the "golden" era of reality TV, there was a TON to tear apart. My mom also watched it a lot with me (the hardest I've ever seen her laugh was at Joel McHale introducing "Ice-T and his wife, Coco-T"), and it was one of the few shows our whole family could sit down and watch without everything devolving into fighting. Then it got cancelled in 2015 for some frankly bullshit reasons (pretty soon after a renewal as well!) and basically disappeared.
For years I've wondered if this show was saved ANYWHERE at all. It's never streamed anywhere (not even when Netflix tried out The Joel McHale Show, which was basically the same thing). E! never really dropped YouTube clips for it. I thought I had some episodes on DVR recorded DVDs, but discovered when I moved a few years ago that wasn't the case. However, in an entirely random Reddit post having legit nothing to do with The Soup, a user dropped the bombshell that 99% of the show is on the Internet Archive and provided a link. That made my Friday!
NOW. One thing that I've wanted to find for a while are the episodes John Oliver was on The Soup, partially because I am sad and predictable but ALSO because across the Internet, John is credited for being on The Soup's finale and nothing else, which I KNOW from my memories to not be true. (I remember shit like this, but not how to get to my local library without an app guiding me. Siiiiiigh.) Of course there's no real episode guide for The Soup online, either, so I was on my own on this one.
In the end, I remembered enough about Ryan fucking Lochte to find one of those JO episodes in this archive, after about a day of searching. I promise that makes sense in context, and you can watch this prime piece of 2013 nonsense below.
Fair warning, some of this has aged poorly. Not enough to trigger warn, but there's definitely some mean-spirited humor about a few people's looks and polyamory. (There's also a truly ludicrous amount of jokes about Joel and/or John being gay. This is an extremely strange cultural relic and trying to explain The Soup has made me aware of just how weird it is as a show.)
(You can also access hundreds of other episodes of The Soup through this link. I am in awe of this existing at all. Finding out this archive exists gave me the same feeling that watching Ray Mona finding the goddamn Toon Makers Sailor Moon pilot did. Now to find the legendary Alexis Neiers phone call episode...)
#john oliver#joel mchale#the soup#the daily show with jon stewart#i can't believe remembering JYEAH was the key to me finding this exact episode#I'm so ashamed of myself
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