#know I said I probably won't do any art for some time but it seems the iPad has grown into my hands | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

quinnsadilla · 4 months

Text

fluff alphabet |clarisse la rue

author's note: Hi lovelies, please send me requests! I don't know what gave me the confidence to think I can write, probably delusion. Also, this is according to my personal views of Clarisse so don't be mad if it's different from what you've imagined. Leave a comment, I love interacting with people, xx.

warnings: I tried my best to keep it gender/race/cabin neutral for the most part but there are still some feminine coded things here and there. English is not my first language so excuse any grammar mistakes.

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Starting off strong because with Clarisse sparring is a must. Although she doesn't like to think there will ever come a time in which she won't be there to protect you, it's still an essential part of life as a half-blood. And who better to train you than the daughter of war herself? And in case the apprentice becomes the master and you happen to beat her or pin her to the ground or even hold your dagger to her neck? Oh boy, she's done for. Actual heart eyes.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

She pretty much loves everything about you, she can't really just choose one aspect. Though, if she had to, she'd probably say she loves you for being supportive, understanding, and patient with her. You understand her better than anyone. That's what made her know you were the one for her. You can control her anger issues and calm her down when she's on the verge of exploding and she thinks that's beautiful.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc?

The art of intimacy or comfort never came easy to Clarisse. Her relationship with her mother isn't the best and hasn't been for a while now and her father is a grade A asshole. Her first instinct when you're feeling down is to fix it, to ask you who or what happened and give them a physical piece of her mind, but that's not always how it works. She'll pull you to her lap and hold you through the night or for as long as you need, wiping your tears and kissing your cheeks. She'll let you vent your heart out. You can tell her anything. Or nothing, if you prefer. She's not the best with words but her actions speak much louder.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

She's never thought that much ahead if she's being honest. Never allowed herself to daydream too much into the future, choosing to live off the present for now. Sometimes, however, she pictures what could be only described as an utopia; to go on such a fantastical quest that the gods can't help but grant the both of you immortality, that way you'd bask in the glory of your love forever and ever.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

On the outside looking in it would seem Clarisse is the dominant one for sure. And in some ways she is; she likes that you can rely on her, she wants to provide for you, yearns to prove herself capable of such. Still, you're the one in charge. Clarisse is completely devoted to you, and your relationship means more to her than anything she's ever felt before. She cherishes it like no other, always at your beck and call.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Clarisse is intense, that much we know. Her anger runs deep and her passion burns red. She's not perfect, and doesn't try to hide it either. She's hot-tempered, arrogant, she's got a short fuse and she holds grudges. Her fatal flaw is pride, which sometimes gets in the way of her good senses, so you'll most likely be the one apologizing first. Despite all that, she can't bear the thought of you being mad at her and absolutely hates fighting with you. It's like it's tearing her apart, especially if you're sad over something she said or did in the heat of the moment. Truth is, she is a fighter at heart so when all is said and done she'll try and make it up to you in some way, somehow.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

She is so appreciative of everything you do and are. As previously stated, Clarisse didn't get much love growing up so any semblance of that is something she clings hard to. She notices everything, every little thing you do for her and the underlying of your words. How you treat her and others is always stored in the back of her mind and she loves to be loved by you.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Clarisse is a very closed off person in general, she doesn't like feeling exposed and being possibly seen as weak. She'll tell you things but there's still some matters you have to pick up on your own and know how to approach them, especially regarding her feelings and personal struggles. She's very honest though, she feels like she owns you that much and appreciates you if you do the same for her. The more your relationship progresses you'll notice being able to read her like an open book because although she does her very best to hide it there's an underlying vulnerability to her behavior in certain moments you'll take proper notice of the more you know her.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Clarisse has definitely become more gentle since you. It still doesn't extend to your friends and family but more so how she behaves around you and knowing she doesn't have to put up that though front all the time. Her sense of self worth has improved as well, especially when you reassure her through her insecurities and doubts (never being the son her father wanted etc.)

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Oh, boy. Clarisse’s jealousy is very fuelled by… Well, anything really. She doesn't necessarily need a motive to go toe to toe with someone, just staring at you for a second longer than she deems them worthy of and she's ready for a fight. It's hard for anyone to get close enough to flirt with you because she's always there, by your side, kind of like a guard dog. But only because she knows how amazing you are and her insecurities do blurry some lines on what's acceptable. She's working on it though.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Clarisse is definitely a good kisser. She doesn't have much experience, if any, but she's a natural. It sounds cheesy but the first time she kisses you was like butterflies and church bells dancing loudly in the wind. The way she cups your face so uncharacteristically soft and how she breaks off the kiss with a series of small pecks only to smile one of her beautiful smiles so close to each other's faces… Magical. It could be at the fireworks on the fourth of July or it could be in your favorite spot in the woods, soaked in lake water during a midnight swim or after a heated argument. No matter how many times Clarisse kisses you, she'll never not feel electricity similar to her spear’s sharp edge digging into her body and soul.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Clarisse does not have a clue what she's doing. I feel like she'd say something in the heat of the moment; either confessing her true feelings or masking them by saying something hurtful she doesn't actually mean. In the latter scenario she'd storm off and berate herself over it but her pride and fear that you'd never look at her again made her put off her apology for some time and let it all sink in to talk to you when she's ready. That is until you start properly ignoring her and she nearly goes crazy with longing, just missing your overall presence and having her stomach turn to knots at the way things were left between you two. That's one of the few times Clarisse sucks it up and reaches for you. The apology is awkward but overwhelmingly honest and she tells you she's an idiot but you're content in forgiving her and giving her a second (actual first) chance.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Again, Clarisse never thought she'd live to see the day she'd actually have a marriage prospect. Her life just doesn't seem complete without you anymore and the moment she realizes that she's done for. It would probably be while you're laying in bed together, your head on her chest while you play with her fingers. Your eyes are heavy with sleep but hers are wide open, thinking. “Will you marry me?” said while staring into the distance and you probably think she's joking except Clarisse is not one to joke about that sort of thing. “Not now. But eventually.” and whether you ask if she's serious or just accept it right away, she'd look at you seriously for a beat and then tackle you into a bear hug, crushing you underneath her. She doesn't see the point in a big wedding, but if that's what you're into, she won't mind.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

She is not immune to babe or baby but would still like to keep some variety. Things like sunshine, gorgeous, angel or others (I'm looking at you, person who created the “mama/s” HC). She does like your name very much, or probably a shortened version of it. Don't expect her to not tease you if any of these make you flustered.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Clarisse likes to think she's good at hiding it when she's absolutely not. As Taylor Swift once said, you can hear it in the silence. Just the way her eyes soften when she's looking at you speaks millions, but people also get whiplash at how fast her mean attitude changes whenever you're around. Her love giving languages are probably acts of service and physical touch. She loves to do things for you, feeling all big and mighty whenever she can make your life just a little easier. Touching is also a must but we'll get to that in a second.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Clarisse is not very comfortable with public displays of affection, because she is afraid of being judged or mocked by others for being weak or soft. She prefers to keep her relationship with you private and intimate, but doesn't mind the little things. She does gloat about being with you as well as showing you off, so that everyone on camp knows you're hers. She brags about you all the time and I mean, seriously, all the time. She's not a big hand holder but she almost over compensates by grabbing at your hips and thighs, throwing an arm over your shoulder or hiding her face in your neck. She especially loves bonfires when you sit on her lap and she can hold firmly onto your waist while she's talking to her siblings or just press her forehead against yours when her social battery is low.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

She's very perceptive. She may not know what has changed right away but she's also persistent so she'll figure it out in an instant. If it's the way you did your hair or something that happened along your day, even if you change your usual greeting. She notices and she'll definitely ask you about it.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Clarisse wants to be loved, that's all she’s ever wanted, and she has so much love to give, therefore I believe she'll do just about anything to make you happy. That includes being an absolute sap. She honestly doesn't mind how cliche it is, if it works on you, you bet she's using it. If anyone cares to say anything remotely negative about you or your relationship she will promptly glare them into oblivion or give them something to really worry about.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

She is your absolute biggest supporter. Especially if you don't believe in yourself, then she's trying even harder for you to see just how well you can do something if you put your mind to it. With something like sword training she is more than willing to help you, rewarding you with kisses and cursing you for distracting her with your pretty face.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Clarisse doesn't mind change, she rolls with it. If you have a certain way of doing things, a routine you like to follow, that's fine by her. If you're unpredictable, even better. She just loves to see what comes next in terms of your relationship, not necessarily needing anything to amplify her love for you. It's already hardwired into her.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

She knows you like the back of her hand. Even the slightest furrow of your eyebrows or tilt of your head and she'll be there in a second asking what's wrong. She does learn to be more empathetic towards your own struggles, which was hard at first because she wasn't sure how to see things from someone else's point of view. Though road but you make it work.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

She doesn't have much to look forward to so Clarisse values her relationship with you very highly, as you are one of the few people who can see past her tough and aggressive exterior and appreciate her softer and more vulnerable side. She is fiercely loyal and protective of you, and would do anything to keep you safe and happy.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

I actually read this one on a Wattpad story a while ago so credit to the original creator but, Clarisse has a teddy bear named Mr. Muscles she's had since she was like, nine and she cherishes it like it's her most prized possession. When she introduced this piece of information to you, you just found her so incredibly adorable you couldn't contain the giggles and she gets so hot in the face she pushes you off her bed and it's honestly one of the most memorable moments in your relationship.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

I headcanon Clarisse as your personal furnace as well as a koala bear so kisses and cuddles are a must, especially if it's cold outside. She loves to take naps with you, it gets to the point where she has trouble sleeping without you (so you give her a vial of your perfume to spray on Mr. Muscles for when you're away).

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Clarisse with you: 🥰

Clarisse without you: 😡

She gets snappier than usual and easily annoyed but she'll also get really sad because she's never had to deal with being away from you. Her siblings try to cheer her up by shoving some kid's head into the toilet but she's so disinterested in anything that does not involve you she just goes about her days training until she can see you again and show off her muscles.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

The answer is yes, one hundred percent. “Touch her and you die” trope goes so hard. Not only that but she would willingly sacrifice the world and herself for you and your relationship. She would go out of her way to make sure you are okay, that you are fed and hydrated and well rested, even messing up her own sleeping schedule in order to take better care of you.

#* ༄ ꒰ effy's works ꒱#clarisse la rue x reader #clarisse la rue #clarisse la rue fluff #clarisse pjo #clarisse x reader #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo series #pjo

408 notes · View notes

mokutone · 10 days

Note

Hey I hope it’s okay to message you! Just wanted to check in on how you were doing… I wanted to DM you but I’m way too shy, I wanted to let you know— in 2023, after four years of complete silence, your art inspired me to start creating again. From 2019 to 2024, I was completely run dry. I didn’t create a single piece of art! But seeing your wonderful drawings, the way your compositions seemed to breathe life into your art, and your gorgeous use of colors… helped me to start creating art once more! It’s almost a year since then, and I’ve still been steadily creating. Thank you so much for bringing joy back into my life!! I had forgotten that it existed all along… I appreciate you and your art so much, I hope that you have many happy things to smile about. Peace and love 🫛🤍

i've gotten a handful of asks gently prodding me to make sure i'm alive (theyre very sweet) and i'm answering this one only bc it touched me deeply if i wait a while to answer it i know the asker won't get alerted so! 1) it's definitely okay to message me! but, that said: i probably will not reply to most asks for a very long time (sorry!) 2) that is, i think, the sweetest thing you could possibly say to me—maybe to any artist. i'm really, really, profoundly glat that my art made you want to make art too!!! other artists have done this for me when i was stuck, and i am eternally grateful to them, and now eterernally grateful to you, for finding what you needed in my art, that's a beautiful thing, and it's an honor as an artist!! i hope that somebody is brave and kind enough to tell you that your art inspired them to create—its a feeling like nothing else. i'm SO, so glad, that art is bringing you joy again!!! 3) (as for how i am doing—life continues, in its own way. most things are not good, but some are! i've made a promise with myself not to post on this blog until i sort out some unfortunately very real life difficulties, and.......it's been a year and i'm still working on it! life continues. good days and bad days. i suppose i'm also in a bit of a silent period of my own at the moment, in many ways! it happens to everyone, and it'll end eventually for me too)

and, with that said—let the silence resume for now.

#follow up questions will probably not receive answers (sorry!)#i still love tenzō dearly and i still think about him fairly often #but i am being good. and i am trying to focus on the problems in front of me instead of creating new more fun ones w/ art #Sigh. It's What Tenzō Would Want Anyway.#one day i will return to your dash #things are just kinda strained atm

104 notes · View notes

fragmentedblade · 3 months

Note

Can you expand more on Ratio's philosophical influences? You seem super knowledgeable!

I've been sitting on this for some time because I didn't know what prompted this message and thus I didn't know what to answer and how. I guess it may be the comment I wrote about him having a socratic but also a sophist air?

There are a lot of details in Ratio's overall design that point towards philosophical references. I want to draw attention to the fact that since this is a vague message on anon I don't really know what to focus on or what could I skip because it's information already known, so what I'm going to say is a very brief summary of many ideas, which of course makes such ideas but the shadow of an echo of themselves, so faint they almost become untrue. I fervently advise to look more deeply into any of this if something catches anyone's interest. And I also want to point out that the problem of knowing a little bit of something, even its existence, is that seeing turns to seeking, and an excess of seeing is also a blindness; what I mean by this is that I'm not sure how much of what I am going to say was intentional by the developers/writers and how much is just me suffering the blindness of seeing too much haha

However, I also want to clarify that I do think many of the things I’m going to say are present even if perhaps not intended by the writers/designers. This is due to the fact that Ratio’s main influence is platonism, and platonism is everywhere in western philosophy and in general western culture; once you see it you cannot unsee it. So perhaps I am reading too much or making correlations between things in his design that were not meant to be linked, giving a depth to the character that is probably incidental, but that I would say nonetheless exists because it pertains to a certain philosophical tradition in which the elements stem from each other. I hope this will become clearer in its development if it isn’t right now.

Ratio has an Apollonian air. At first that and his mask made me wonder if he was going to be linked to the Mourning Actors, who alongside the Masked Fools for now remind me a lot of the Nietzschean Apollonian and Dyonisian dichotomy. This was conjecture on my side so I won't go on about this on this ask.

Ratio retains however the Apollo air. When I saw his splash art he reminded me instantly of the Belvedere Apollo, down to the strap under his chest like the sculpture has the quiver's strap. His sixth eidolon too recalls that sculpture, since it seems to be a mix of the pose in Michelangelo's David with the cloth in the Belvedere Apollo. Among other things, Apollo is a god linked to truth, medicine, archery and divination. The owl seems to be a reference to Athena, though.

Ratio also has the laurel or bay branch on his head, which is one of Apollo's traits. Laurel on someone's head became linked to victory as well as academic and artistic merit (I know in Italy people still use it when graduating, for instance; I mean, that's where the word comes from). The fact that he has half of it is most likely due to an aesthetic choice, especially given how the character designs are pointedly asymmetric in this game; however, I think it works well with how, no matter how much he achieves and how hard he tries, Ratio is never gazed upon by Nous nor accepted by the Genius Society with the frustration, bitterness and questioning that brings both himself and others.

This last point, being ignored by something akin to a divinity, works also with his Apollonian air, I'd say. Given his Apollo look, his snake-like pupils made me think instantly of Delphi. Delphi was where a temple to Apollo was (linked to a mythological snake, and snakes thus became associated with Apollo in imagery), and it was famous for its prophecies. Socrates (the master of Plato and main figure in his dialogues) is said to have started the habit of questioning he is mostly famous for because a friend of his went to the temple in Delphi and was told by the Oracle that the wisest man in Athens was Socrates. Socrates was perplexed by this because he knew nothing, and started posing questions to supposedly erudite people about the matters about which they were experts, only to come out of that feeling unsatisfied with the answers. Thus, Socrates thought the Oracle may be right after all, but he was only the wisest man because he at least knew that he knew nothing.

This works very well with Ratio because Socrates starts the journey by being distinguished among his peers, gazed upon, by a god (Apollo was supposed to possess the Pythia, or at the very least the prophetic power came from him), while Ratio never gets that recognition, and seems resigned to that already ("If this day I have not gained the recognition of Nous, it stands to reason that I never will at any point in the future" and "One day, I received a letter from the Interastral Peace Corporation (...). I could tell the solemnity of the invitation, so I excitedly passed it on to Mr. Ratio. Yet, he said nothing. I could sense his heavy silence even through the headgear. He then politely asked me to leave. The moment I closed the door, I heard a grim sigh followed by a self-deprecating laughter... Perhaps he realized he would never be accepted into the Genius Society..."). The mix of arrogance and humbleness, although enhanced in Ratio in a comical degree, is already somewhat present I would argue in the way Socrates talks in Plato's dialogues. Arrogance was also a trait Heraclitus, the author of the line cited in the name of his banner (“Panta rhei”), was famous to have.

So Ratio takes the position at the IPC. The Intelligentsia Guild is "often seen as a vendor of knowledge", and is looked down upon by the Genius Society. This is where I think the philosopher/sophist dichotomy comes in. Sophists were teachers, and were paid. They also were known to use rhetoric to convince (I would say there's a reference to this in one of Ratio's daily messages). In the political landscape of Athens, they were very useful for young men interested in politics. Some sophists became quite rich and famous. Usually philosophers, who didn't receive any money and did everything for the "love of knowledge" itself, looked down on them. At least in the texts of Plato that's often the case, although some sophists are portrayed under a better light even there; btw many of the things I've been saying come from Plato, but since this is an intricate subject on its own that isn’t directly pertinent to the ask I won't dwell on it right now.

Education in ancient Greece consisted of both intellectual and physical training. Intellectual education included music, poetry, mathematics, astronomy,... Physical fitness was held as something very important in a young man's curriculum as well. I think this is where the fanservicey choice of making Ratio so fit and pretty comes from. And I say “pretty” because beauty too is an important concept for Plato, and ancient Greece in general. It is also part of what linked the need of a young man to develop himself both intellectually and physically. Beauty is linked to harmony and order, both on an individual basis and cosmologically, often in some philosophical trends to a mathematical level; pythagoreanism has a lot of this.

Indeed I think pythagoreanism has to do somewhat with Ratio's design, considering his link to mathematics and geometry, and given his name ("Ratio" made me think of the golden ratio and in general pythagorean ratios even before it made me think of "reason" tbh), but in general the main philosophical reference in Ratio seems to be Plato, who was influenced greatly by pythagoreanism; this is one of the perhaps unintended indirect yet present links I mentioned at the beginning.

Platonism is very present in many ways in Ratio. It's noticeable even in his visual design, with how buff and handsome he is, arguably the references to Apollo and Athena, the geometry imagery, and even the sculptures he creates with his technique, but the influence is seen throughout his entire character, story, dialogue lines,... Part IV of Ratio’s character story, the way he talks with Roseth and what he says, has in my opinion an echo of platonic dialogues, as does his line “To spread knowledge, we must first make people realize their folly” recall Socrates. In the Trailblaze mission the main character had to argue for their innocence, which to me brought to mind the Apology of Socrates. On the other hand, the way this was done was very reminiscent of the socratic method, both in the discussion and counterargument mechanic of the game as, and especially so, in the use of memory. The main character had already the knowledge they seeked, yet they had forgotten about it, and had to retrieve it through memory guided by the intense questioning of Ratio; this, if applied to the research of a more essential knowledge instead of circumstantial, is the core of Socrates' maieutics. Maieutics is "midwifery". Socrates called by that word his method because he thought he was helping give birth to truths or knowledge that were already present in people's minds, if forgotten. It's what Ratio's skill, "intellectual midwifery", references.

The fact that Socrates' method, the "intellectual midwifery" to put it in in HSR terms, works in platonic philosophy is because it is taken that there are eternal truths, something Ratio believes as well (“The beauty of truth is that it never changes, even when no one understands it. Well, that's true for me, at least”). This has to do with what is called the theory of Forms or the theory of Ideas. The world that we see is but the shadow of that other conceptual abstract world, of which we have but forgotten memories and that we can access only with the mind's eye. Our soul once saw/was part of that other world, which is why it can remember it. Plato was influenced by the pythagorean view of a sort of journey or reincarnation of the soul after dying, to put it some way. This is also extensive, it has to do with orphism, is at the core of a lot of philosophical and theological western traditions, and thus I will say only this, even though it feels very close-to-fake simplistic haha. To summarise, there’s the other abstract perfect world of which everything in this world participates from and is but the shadow of (everything beautiful participates on the Idea of Beauty, eternal and inextinguishable, but it’s never as perfect as that Idea, only but its echo). The idea that the world is but the shadow of the other world is present in Ratio's English line when he is ko-ed, "Mere flesh…" (in Chinese, though, if I’ve understood correctly he says “«Mediocre»… hah”, which is very different if still lore-heavy). This of course implies a strong ontological dualism.

In this sense it is extremely interesting to me that Ratio’s banner is named “Panta rhei”, because Heraclitus is the epitome of the defender that all things were in constant change yet all things are One, the process of “becoming”, the constant struggle, at the core itself of reality (this too is harmony). He was pointedly monist, and is often contrasted to Parmenides, who spoke of eternal unchanging truths and beings. Both are cornerstones in the development of western philosophy and influenced Plato, but the choice calls my attention. In the Japanese wiki the line was linked/took to the buddhist concept of impermanence; while not necessarily related to that, this wiki suggestion made me wonder whether the choice of making “Panta rhei” the name of Ratio’s banner was done to further enhance another aspect of the many parallels between him and Ruan Mei, who also talks about life as something seemingly diverse and changing, hopes to obtain permanence, and talks about a something that transcends the multiple faces of life and that unifies them all (“Life is countless and varied in form. I firmly believe in that. Its beauty is like a myriad of flowers, and I want to pluck the one that never wilts”; “I wish to discover "the true essence of life," something that all individuals possess unknowingly, whether it is the materialism of their existence or an unknown entity beyond corporeal realms”; “The core of all existence is unity”). Even beyond that, in the context of everything else Ratio has going on, the mention of Heraclitus brings very intriguing food for thought to the table; yet I think this may be another instance of things that are, yet were most likely not meant by the writers.

Moving on, I’ll give a quick comment on the more explicit philosophical references we can find in Ratio’s traces, attacks and voicelines, and will dwell a bit only when I think they work well with the subjects and concepts I already commented Ratio plays with, otherwise this response will be eternal.

Summation (trace): in Chinese this is more clearly linked to the inductive reasoning, which in context it is obvious this is what this trace references; I don’t know why they chose to translate it this way. It is a method of reasoning that comes from the observation of particularities to generalisation, hence “summation”. It works well with Ratio causing more damage per debuff, and with the references to empiricism in Ratio’s attacks. The consequences in inductive reasoning are not truly ensured by the premises (the typical example is how you can’t ensure that all ravens are black by as many black ravens as you observe).

Inference (trace): this baffled me because again it is more clear in Chinese that this is referencing deductive reasoning, but every language translates “inference”, whereas in the “deduction” trace the characters are exactly the same as the ones in the Chinese wiki for “inference”, but every language translates “deduction”. I don’t know what’s happening here, I wish I knew Chinese and found this less confusing, but at least both words are present in his traces. Deductive reasoning is the one that goes from premises to conclusion. It is heavily linked to logic and it doesn’t necessarily require empiric knowledge.

Deduction (trace): this is what is called “inference” apparently in Chinese (if someone knows about this I would love to know what is happening in Chinese in these two traces). Inferences are, well, the process of reaching conclusions. It can be either through deduction or induction (or abduction, some would argue, but that’s another can of worms).

Mind is might (basic attack): in latin this is “scientia potentia est”, and while at this point the line is very detached from its context, initially it was linked to Bacon and Hobbes. I honestly think this is just a very convenient name for an attack of a character following a philosophy/sciences/knowledge thematic.

Intellectual midwifery (skill): Socrates, and platonism. I talked about this before.

Syllogistic paradox (ultimate): Syllogistic paradoxes were one of my favourite things when I was studying. Syllogisms are a form of logic reasoning, which consist of two premises and one conclusion. Though the premises may be true, and though the reasoning may be sensible, at times contradictory or illogical conclusions may be reached. This is a syllogistic paradox. Why this happens is because of a myriad of reasons, like the differences between natural and logical language, or the development of theories (the paradoxes in set theory are among my favourite things ever). I personally like to draw a strong distinction between paradoxes and contradictions. Anyway, I have a lot to say about this haha In general, this is what the name of the ultimate is referencing. It works well with Ratio’s traces. It also goes well with some of the other subjects present in his characterisation, like platonism, Descartes and such; there are a lot of paradoxes that arise from many of the theories that play with such topics. I think reading Alice in Wonderland’s apparent madness through the lenses of logic makes us see that most of those incongruences are actually pretty logical; many of them iirc are syllogistic paradoxes. Carroll was a logician. I mention this because this, as well as many other ideas present in Ratio, work extremely well with Penacony.

Cogito, ergo sum (talent): this is a line by Descartes, a rationalist. This too is something that fits Penacony incredibly well. Descartes starts doubting knowledge, ends up questioning pretty much everything, establishes inspired by mathematics and logic a method of acquiring the truth, and in the research of true knowledge he starts doubting everything with a methodical doubt to be able to tell what knowledge stands after being hit by doubt, and why, and try to reconstruct knowledge from there. Ratio’s lines about “seeking answers with a negative hypothesis in mind”, “When one is immersed in academic research, scepticism comes more naturally than belief” or “Pursuit tinged with negativity is still pursuit, and it is capable of leading us to the right conclusion” reminded me of Descartes’ method. One of the steps in the process is doubting one’s own existence, but since I (pardon the “I”, but the first person is very important in Descartes) doubt, then I think, and since I think, then I exist; cogito, ergo sum. This is closely related to platonism in some senses, and while Descartes’ philosophy comes in part from a criticism of scholasticism, it still has ties to it, but Descartes was a massive breakthrough in the history of Philosophy. I also won't dwell on this, but this is fascinating imo haha

Anyway, Descartes’ doubt about the existence of reality, of the world, is heavily linked to dreams, because in dreams we believe things are real but are not, so equally we could be at every moment in a dream and not be aware of that; only the existence of oneself is clear of this doubt (Zhuangzi’s text about the butterfly plays with this too; I comment this because butterflies have appeared in Penacony and the Zhuangzi’s text seems to play in an interesting way with the concept of “I”, taking it a different route than Descartes, which is a very intriguing idea but I don’t know much of Chinese philosophy at all). The concept of simulated realities, Matrix-like settings and such, all are strongly linked to this conception of Descartes, even though similar things existed previously (such as Plato’s allegory of the cave), and this works very well with Penacony again. Obviously, Descartes’ theory is strongly dualist, and it’s even established a body-mind dualism. The idea of the ghost in the shell also comes in great part from Descartes. Descartes’ view of the body was not too unlike that of a machine.

This was in a time in which clockwork and automatons were quickly advancing and fascinating people. Physic theories started to look (even more) like clockwork, with the universe as clockwork and god as a watchmaker that put it into place and then let it run its perfect course, needing or not (depending on the theory) adjustments from the watchmaker from time to time. I said before that harmony was linked to both the cosmos and the body, with the body in part being a reflection of the cosmos, and even linked to it by the harmony of the spheres. This new way of approaching the cosmological and human issues and developing Physics still has echoes of that. Newton, who is referenced in one of Ratio’s idle animations, is one of the epitomes of this concept of the universe as clockwork. Again, I don’t know how much they’ll do with these ideas nor even if they were written on purpose, but it all works so well with Penacony it would be a pity if they did nothing with this.

Another thing I want to note about Descartes is that besides mentally detaching himself from everything while doubting in his deconstruction and construction of knowledge, seeking undoubtable truths, he famously did so physically as well for some time when he first started thinking about the matters in his Discourse on the Method one night: “having no diverting company and fortunately also no cares or emotional turmoil to trouble me”, while he “spent the whole day shut up in a small room heated by a stove, in which I could converse with my own thoughts at leisure”. This reminded me a lot of Ratio’s head and how he uses it: “with the headpiece on, isolated from my five senses, i can think without interference”, “he put on a headgear to keep away all external distractions and completely focus on thinking? Who else in the world could manage that?”.

Mold of idolatry (technique): this links mainly again to the theory of Forms of Plato, with that representation of something else that is what is real. The name of the technique and what it does works well also with the idea of idolatry, especially of idolatry of false gods, idols or even falsehood in general, and how Ratio criticises people’s blind infatuation with geniuses. It also reminds me of Nietzsche’s Twilight of the Idols, or, How to Philosophise with a Hammer. Among other things, Nietzsche heavily criticises platonism and platonic philosophy, and mostly all western philosophers (he has kind words for Heraclitus, for instance).

Wiseman’s folly (ultimate’s effect): the idea that knowledge or beholding the truth brings to something similar to madness or ends up leading to foolishness is a very common one. Many of the Ancient Greece philosophers were said to have been extravagant. Diogenes the Cynic and Heraclitus were two such examples. Democritus was said to have plucked out his own eyes. Empedocles is said to have killed himself in a volcano. There’s Nietzsche, Georg Cantor, Kurt Gödel. It is the idea of the wise ending up being very much like the fool, but also the idea of the wise ending up losing sight of basic truths I believe, in that alienation from the world.

Know thyself (eidolon): this is what was inscribed in the temple of Apollo in Delphi I spoke of before. This is linked to Heraclitus, Socrates, Plato and platonism, of course. I think when it comes to Ratio that’s it, really. But this maxime has had a lot of implications and interpretations in different contexts and at different times. It could be seen as just a salutation, recommending temperance, the idea of knowing oneself and one’s limitations as key to succeed when approaching subjects or problems, the first step of getting to know anything at all, humans and the world being closely linked and even reflection of god so studying one helps studying the other, etc.

Vincit Omnia Veritas (eidolon): the translator says this means “eternal truth” in Chinese, which would play way better with the philosophical ideas and concepts present in Ratio while still playing with his name, “Veritas”. I won’t dwell on this because I’ve already talked about the link between eternal truths and Ratio a lot, and besides I can’t even confirm this is the true meaning because I don’t know Chinese.

Eidolon “The divine is in the details” seems to be a reference to a Chinese idiom that comes from a book. I don’t know if it has greater significance, but if anyone knows I am all ears. The other eidolons obviously work with Ratio, but I don’t see obvious philosophical influences so I’m skipping them.

Esse est percipi (ultimate line): “To be is to be perceived”. This is a line by Berkeley and linked to his philosophy. He criticises both dualism and materialism. The core idea is that the world’s existence is entirely dependent on the mind, that things don’t exist unless they are perceived and thought. His justification for one’s own existence seems to come from this perception, as Descartes’ came from thinking: “I do nevertheless know that I, who am a spirit or thinking substance, exist as certainly as I know my ideas exist”. Parmenides has a similar idea in his poem. I don’t think this was intended to be read too much into when it comes to Ratio, but I think it fits nicely with the other topics he has going on, and the dichotomy they often entail. It also works well with Ratio’s plaster head, with how he says “I don't have to set eyes on stupid people. Of course, they don't want to see me either”, with how he uses it to go unnoticed or unrecognised in both Herta’s Space Station and Penacony, and I think it could be overread or taken to more exaggerated levels in a juicy manner reading this under the notion of nothingness, mediocrity and being disregarded by Nous.

One of the listed researched achievements of Ratio is in the field of epistemology. Epistemology is the field that studies knowledge. Although studied in particular at times, it is of course often linked to ontological conceptions; all the philosophical theories I’ve stated carry with them epistemological implications as well as ontological. In one of Ratio’s character stories there’s a mention to epistemic logic which is, speaking broadly, a logical approach to the analysis of knowledge.

Another one of his listed achievements is in natural theology, which is the study of god through reason and logic instead of things such as transcendental experiences or revelations. This is very common in philosophy in general. It often has to do as well with the world as a harmonious whole, god as watchmaker/the universe as clockwork, and teleology. I will mention Newton and Darwin here because Newton is referenced in Ratio’s idle animation, and Darwin because he broke up with the teleological tradition when it came to the world. Ratio’s work is named Aeons: A Natural Phenomenon, and the title and its description, how its “Aeon non-theism”, makes it seem to me like he wrote of Aeons as if they were just another form of life or something that pertains to nature itself and not detached from it, which although very different from Darwin’s ideas did remind me of how he dismissed teleology in nature. This also clearly links, in my opinion, to Ruan Mei.

Other than that I also want to note Ratio’s final speech to Screwllum about inspiring doubt and scepticism when it comes to established ideas and geniuses. It reminded me of Socrates, how he was said to have “perverted” youth inspiring all that questioning among other things. It reminded me of Nietzsche, how he fervently encouraged individuals to use critical thinking, question dogmas and preconceived ideas they could have, and come up with their own conclusions that does not mean necessarily negating absolutely everything they held true before the questioning (this exchange between Screwllum and Ratio: “Screwllum: «You wish to uproot the researchers' blind worship of geniuses». Dr. Ratio: «I am only laying out my questions».”). It also pointedly reminded me of Kant's “Sapere aude!”, “Dare to know!”, and his text What Is Enlightenment?, in which among other things Kant talks about the lack of courage, not of intellect, of people to think for themselves, how humanity lives in a constant immaturity or adolescence of the mind, and urges them to get out of that state, to dare to know. Kant was greatly influenced by rationalism but said to have awaken from the rationalist slumber thanks to empiricism; the plays on rationalism and empiricism, deduction and induction, and the presence of idealism in the rest of Ratio’s writing as well as this fervent push for people to snap out of their lack of criticism and dare to think for themselves are what made me think of Kant here.

There’s more things to talk about Ratio, like his view on mediocrity and geniuses, and how that view is constructed and described in traces through fragments in his lore, the character stories, snippets of conversations; how he seems to be so similar in character and drive to geniuses, but never accepted as one, and how he is regarded as very different and eccentric by “normal” people, even in the Guild. In short, how he is detached from both the “normal” people and geniuses, like suspended between both states without being either completely, and how it makes so much sense in this context that he tries to breach the rift between both. I couldn’t help but mention this, to avoid forgetting this aspect of his characterisation in the future, but I won’t dwell on this because it isn’t really directly linked to any philosophical influence that I can think of.

I think this is it. Hopefully I didn’t forget anything important. And I’m sorry it is so long, but I really tried to summarise. As I said, I may well be reading too much into some of these things, but I also think that since Ratio plays with many of the core authors and concepts in the history of western philosophy, some things I expect were not intended by the writers still are present somewhat, because mentioning this or that thing alongside this or that other thing ends up having implications if you know a bit of the context.

I hope this was clear enough. However, I can try to explain myself better or further if I wasn’t. Philosophy may look unapproachable and dry at times at first, but it really isn't, it just needs one to get accustomed to some basic terminology, and it becomes fascinating and beautiful, and lifechanging haha. I would love it if Ratio is making people get a little bit more invested or interested in it, or open to explore it. The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy is a good place to check the main ideas, texts and authors that may spike someone’s interest if anyone wants to read further about anything I've said or compare sources, but tbh I think even Wikipedia can be useful with getting a first feel of some basic ideas to know what to look for. And although I am not an authority or the most trustworthy source at all, I will help as best as I can if someone reading this has any further question. I recommend reading the texts firsthand though, with historical context in mind and footnotes perhaps if possible, and making one's own mind about everything.

#Dr. Ratio #Veritas Ratio #Ratio #Dr Ratio #Honkai Star Rail #Sorry for all the tags but I want to try to reach the person who asked this since it's been some time #If you are still around and see this I would appreciate confirmation that you saw it just to ease my mind a bit xD #Ratio fits Penacony so much I hope they do something with it #I talk too much #I should probably delete this later #And reread it just to make sure everything is alright after copypasting the text to tumblr #Traces

81 notes · View notes

dotster001 · 9 months

Text

Le Chasseur d'Amour Part Four

Summary: Rook x reader. Rook's impatience to see you may not have gone as he'd anticipated...

A/N: my wifi is bad where I am, but I'm super excited to post this, so you can find all the other chapters accurately linked in three before I have a chance to fix it

Chapters: One Two Three Five

In hindsight it wasn't a good plan. In fact, it was probably the worst plan you could have come up with.

The second your foot hit the floor to run, Rook's arms were around your middle. You struggled in his grip, while he patronizingly pet your head, and sang the song, from your previous dream, to you.

"What the fuck!" The blond model hissed. Startled, you looked at him, and saw him clutching his bleeding nose, raw fury clouding his face as a purple aura rose up around him.

"You broke my nose! Do you have any idea what that's going to do to my image?"

"I think you'll be ruggedly handsome with a broken nose," Rook said, as he snuggled into your neck, ignoring your struggles.

Vil growled, eyes flashing. "I didn't ask you for your opinion."

"Let me go!" You finally got the courage to shout, followed by an attempt to bite whatever part of Rook you could reach. "You won't take me again! I'm not going back! You can't make me!"

Rook held still. This scared you more than him caressing you.

"Mon amour," he trailed off, swallowing audibly. "You no longer love me?"

Vil seemed to calm down enough, hearing that. But he was still angry about his nose.

"Aw Rook. I told you this could be a possibility."

Rook's grip tightened on you, before burying his face back in your neck.

"I have never stopped loving you. Ever since you vanished, I've been searching. Why? Why don't you love me?"

"Seriously?" You snapped indignantly. "You kidnapped me and stole four years of my life! Why would I ever love you!"

Rook's grip loosened as he turned to finally look you in the face. God, he was handsome. No wonder your brain decided to love him. But you couldn't let yourself slip back under. You'd worked far too hard.

He and Vil shared a look. One of complete confusion. You had no idea why, but it made you feel nauseous.

"I'm sorry!" Vil spoke up, "kidnapped you? Is there something I'm missing here?"

"No," Rook said, tightening his grip again, this time more of a hug, than a hold. "Normally your jokes amuse me to no end, but this one isn't funny."

"Says the man who tracked me to a cabin I rented, and broke in in the middle of the night!" You shouted, now attempting to kick him in the shins. This had no effect.

"Told you," Vil hissed as he touched his still bleeding nose, looking in his compact mirror.

"Mon lapin, you know me well enough to know that waiting is not-"

You finally got a good angle and kneed him right between his legs. With an "oomph" he dropped you, and you tried to run. You shouldn't have angered Vil. Because something had wrapped around your ankle and yanked you to the ground.

You looked at your foot, and saw a vine with roses wrapping itself around your legs, Vil standing over you, a pen in his hand glowing purple.

"Oh God, oh no, oh God, oh no, oh God," you started hyperventilating. There was no way this was happening. Seeing him had retriggered your delusions. That had to be it. Cause why the hell would a rose vine be wrapping itself around you?

"Mon lapin, you are such a strong little bunny. I've always loved that about you," Rook wheezed as he walked over to your continually tied up form.

"But playtime is over now. It's time to go home."

He pulled something small from his pocket, followed by a glowing purple pen. The small thing grew into a giant mirror, which Vil walked through with a huff. Rook gently picked you up, and walked through before you could even shout a strangled, "No!"

....

Tag list- @shytastemakerthing @eccedentesiast-sapphic @leoll @stygianoir @urminebutidontwantyou @b10h4z4rd @mahi-does-some-art

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #rook hunt #rook hunt x reader #twst rook #rook x reader

150 notes · View notes

arcadekitten · 4 months

Text

With the new year on the horizon and 10 completed games under my belt, I thought it might be fun to go through some projects that didn't make the cut and I ended up shelving for one reason or another! (It's only like, 2 of 'em but still)

The first is a game about Theodore and Zapara. While Tricks N Treats was my first finished + published RPGmaker game, I originally started testing things out with RPGM shortly after Cemetery Mary's release. The following game was meant to take place in the CM universe.

It was my first time using RPGMaker & it shows. It was also being made in VXAce, hence why proportions are so different from all my current projects. VXace uses 32x32 tiles whereas MV + above use 48x48. Trying to work within these limitations was a bit tricky for me

The (gif) footage you see above is all that exists of the game now(I didn't even screen record LOL). Back when my old laptop kicked it the files for this game went with it and I never cared to back them up. I don't consider it a hard loss though as by that point I had already moved on to bigger more polished projects and I didn't see myself returning to it any time soon(or at all).

The plot of the game was that Theo woke up in the night to hear Zapara leaving their apartment. When he goes to look for and finds her, she seems to want to avoid going back to the apartment for reasons she won't share. By the end of the game she confesses that she had a really realistic nightmare and she's scared if she goes back it will come true. Theo reassures her that he would never let her nightmare happen in reality, and so the two go back together. In the morning, we see Crowven texting them. They're making plans to go out to a club, when Crowven asks if his cousin can come along--tying it into CM.

I think if I made this game, it would've been cute, and maybe I'll even do something with the premise for a larger game, but I don't see myself trying to start this as a solo project again.

The next game that was shelved from when I was learning Unity & Adventure Creator. Patrons had seen previews it! I started this game as a tool to help me learn the programs, and it got shelved when I felt it was no longer teaching me but instead adding weight to my back.

Unlike the previous game, this is a game I COULD see myself starting again--probably using the same method I'm using for WISHMAKER in RPGM. This game is called "Dreary Elaine", and it's a bit interesting!

(ignore the reference PNG of Elaine here HAHA) This game, like WISHMAKER, is a point-and-click adventure game, where you play as the titular Elaine as she delivers party invitations to her neighbors.

The thing that makes Dreary Elaine interesting is that it is actually an offshoot of my other work! Mary Anta is a character that exists in the fictional world of Noisrev. Dreary Elaine is Mary's favorite childhood book series. A fictional world within a fictional world!

As I said above, this is a game that has the potential to come back one day--I'm just not currently sure when. But exploring the Elaine-verse is something that always appeals to me and who knows! Maybe I'll represent it more in my work going forward.

I think that's all for now? I hope it was fun to read through and I'm excited to have more (finished) games and art for you soon! ❤️

#cemetery mary #?#theo #theodore #zapara #elaine #arcadekitten #arcadekitt3n #art #my art #cain

87 notes · View notes

kimbap-r0ll · 9 months

Note

Can I request headcanons for Malleus, Vil, and Idia with an s/o who’s really talented and good at ballet dancing but doesn’t like to dance in front of others due to confidence issues?

Hi, thank you for the ask!

Malleus, Vil, Idia x ballet dancer!reader who isn't confident to dance in front of others

Malleus

He probably found out about you dancing because he accidentally saw you from Ramshackle's window. He went in to compliment you but when you stumbled on a turn and asked him if he saw you he realized you weren't too comfortable showing your dance skills to others

However this doesn't stop him from complimenting you nonetheless. He says it looks beautiful, even though you might object to it. It saddens him to see someone so talented like you worry. He won't try to change you, but he will try to help you understand that in his eyes, you are the furthest thing from "a bad dancer"

He might not be a ballet dancer, but he does know how to waltz. If you ever want to dance with him, that might be a fun thing to try! He's super gentle when holding you close to him too, it's really nice

I feel like if you ever get comfortable showing him some of your favorite ballet moves he'll be super happy. He'll almost seem like a curious kid, just sitting on the floor while you show him what a grand jete looks like.

Speaking of ballet, he's also eager to learn about the art from you. While he may not be able to dance alongside with you, he'll like learning about it. Also if you ever need any supplies, he'll always get them for you.

Overall he wants you to be comfortable showing him what you are passionate about. Even though that may take some time, know that you mean a lot to him and he's going to be your number one fan no matter what.

Vil

He didn't know you did ballet but he had a feeling after seeing how flexible you were. You two might have been seeing a movie together and you seemed to know every ballet move in the film. He asked if you did ballet, and though you answered "yes" you also said that you aren't confident showing anyone how you do

He thinks it's nonsense that you would be scared he would call you out on your mistakes or point out how something you did wasn't "graceful." Sure, he can be harsh with criticism, but that doesn't mean he thinks mistakes are bad. He hopes you understand that to him it's more important you have the confidence in yourself than making sure you get every step correct.

I feel like he did ballet a long time ago, maybe he only knows the basics. He won't be able to dance a whole song with you, but he will definitely want to watch you. He won't push for it, he'll tell you that you should show him when you feel comfortable. Is very considerate of not pushing your boundaries

When you do show him a song you like, he's very focused. You might worry he is scrutinizing you, but it's not that. He's so focused because he thinks you look beautiful. You floated in the air and you held your poses with an air of grace. Vil will give you a hug and an applause afterwards, saying you should be more confident with those skills

Similar to Malleus, he wants you to be comfortable around him. He's also super big on taking care of your health. If you ever feel fatigue from ballet, he'll just pick you up and lay you on a couch. If you need bandages or tiger balm, he shows up with the materials in no time. Know that he's going to be with you and that your confidence matters to him more than ballet

Idia

He's never really seen ballet in real life, probably just through video games. When you two were talking one night about dances, you told him about ballet. He's too shy to ask you to show him, but you could tell he was super curious with the way his eyes lit up.

Probably the most understanding when it comes to confidence. He knows what it can feel like to feel as though the world is judging you. But ballet is a passion for you, it's something that should make you feel as though nothing is holding you back, something you have comfort in! He wants you to know that, and that he won't judge you no matter what you might think your skills are like in the dance.

He won't be able to dance with you, but he will love to watch you. You might be warming up, just doing some stretches but he'll just sit and stare at you. He asks a lot of questions too, just on how certain ballet moves work and things like that. He loves learning about things you like, and it's a fun way to bond with him!

When you show him a routine, he's completely entranced. When you're finished, you might have to wave a hand in front of him to get him to say something, because he was just sitting there with his mouth open haha. He really thinks you looked beautiful, he'll stumble on his words but you can tell he really thought you were great. Gives you a big hug afterwards, telling you he's thankful you were able to show him

He won't push you to show him a dance when you aren't ready. He knows how important personal boundaries are, so he's super understanding about that. If you ever need anything by the way, he's always there for you too!

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst imagines #ask box #twst headcanons #twst x reader #twst scenarios #twst malleus #twst malleus x reader #twst vil #twst vil x reader #twst idia #twst idia x reader

112 notes · View notes

xr0tt3nxfl3shx · 3 months

Text

👁💊My Medicine is underdeveloped and my Amygdala won't work.💉👁

Twomp[AU] fanfiction + art !! Pertains to the events in this post. [No beta we die.]

⚠️‼️TW: VOMITING / OVERDOSE / SUICIDAL IDEATION / UNREALITY / CORRUPT MENTAL HEALTH SYSTEM / GENERAL MENTAL ILLNESS THEMES‼️⚠️

A/N: i didnt wanna mention it tbh but just in case, ive been down the chemical consumption road 3 times, an i mention because i know the internet has opinions on mental illness in writing. But ive been there myself. All up close and personal like. so i think i can speak on it (dont castrate me)

POV: 👁Argos👁

I scratch at my skin in the dark of my room as if that'll hold in the tears from spilling over my burning red cheeks. The feeling of rage and overwhelming depression clash within me, and leave me to switch every few minutes between cursing the name of every therapist who ever told me that "I'm not even trying to get better" and crying over the idea that they might be right.

My heartbeat is so vigorous that it feels like at any moment the tendons will tear away and my heart will burst in my ribs. How could anyone say that to me? I seethe and hiss through my gritting teeth. Why can't I get better? I cry enough to fill an ocean and nearly drown in my tears.

I should be able to control all of this by now, I'm not a child. Yet, I can't stop thinking about putting the heads of those who hurt me on a platter. Or banging my head on my bedroom wall hard enough to dull the heartbreak. My eyes are running dry from all the tears, I've been at this for a while. My head is pounding from the adrenaline. All reasonable thoughts are drowned out, with intrusive and irrational ones taking the place of my internal voice of reason.

I can make it better, I can make this better. I just need to try a little harder! Just.. go a little further. These feelings, it's just a chemical imbalance right?

I'm running out of options, types of therapy, pills, at this point I might as well just get a lobotomy. I'm sure my therapist would like that.

There's still time to make this right. I don't have to end my life to end my suffering right?

I can prove them wrong. I will prove them wrong. It's just a chemical imbalance. I just need to fix it.

I rummage through the medicine cabinet above my bathroom sink, overlooking the blood crusting around the drain. There has to be something in here that can make my head stop pounding or my thoughts quiet down if not for just a little while. Maybe everything all at once? Yeah that should do!

Laid out in front of me on the cold tiled floor of my bathroom are various pill bottles. The amount of pills actually in them is varied, they like to switch my meds every other week it seems. I try to be hasty with this, pouring out a small handful of gel capsules into my hand. Each one smooth, glossy, and slightly cool to the touch.

You know, I've been here before, and typically there's some survival instinct in me, paralyzing my hands before I can do any damage. But all I can feel is anguish. And anger. And there's no more room for self preservation in me.

I take my first dose before I can come down from my emotion fueled adrenaline rush. Quickly now don't let the self preservation come back. I take my next dose of a new pill type, a tablet. It was a bad idea doing this dry but oh well!

Before I know it I'm slumped against my bathroom door, unable to continue my self medication on account of the mounds of pills I dry swallowed having begun triggering my gag reflex. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't anxious about this, but it had to be done. My therapist is always urging me to take steps in the right direction!

(Though admittedly he never mentioned which direction is the right one.)

I make it back to my bed, dragging my feet and leaning on the wall for support the whole way. It's not even five minutes in when I start to feel the effects. I probably should've eaten before taking my pills like the instructions say.

This is different though, I feel my connection to reality slip right through my jittery fingers. Like the shadows in my room are divulging their presence. Like they are reaching out their hands, ready to take hold of me, pull me in and make me one with unreality. An emptiness overcomes me, something I've truly never felt before. And it's the strangest thing, because simultaneously I've never felt more alive in my life.

Everything is really funny, I've never noticed how funny everything is up until now. Every little unorganized thought that pops up in my foggy, spacing-out head manages to get a strained laugh out of me.

Visual snow floods my peripheral, the colors of the world begin to become one with the static in my eyes.

Ah, I remembered what I was going to do in here. I need to call Mr. Plant. I need him to know that I'm going to get better, and how much I love him of course. Oh he'll never understand just how much I love him! I love him to death, haha! Literally.

I dial in the number. Moving has proven difficult, like trying to control a vehicle while tired and out of it, or in my case trying to control a vehicle through the most debilitating brain fog I've ever experienced. The disconnection from body and thought is almost calming.

The ringing of the phone is such a funny thing as well. I could lose myself in the methodical rhythm and loose vibrations running up my hands- oh look here he's answered!

"M‐r… plant! I ha-ve.. s o me thi.. ng to tell you."

I am fighting to get the words out. The weak sounds I manage to get out of my raspy throat come out in uneven tones with jarring stutters. Why is it so hard to speak?

"I took.. a lot o-f... my me-ds. Ha-ha!" He hangs up immediately.

Is he not happy for me? It wasn't long before I heard sirens closing in. Did he call the cops on me? That's no fair, no fair at all.

I've never been rolled into the back of an ambulance on a stretcher before but there's a first time for everything I suppose. It's too bad I'm too out of it to really experience it.

In the ambulance is when the first wave of nausea hits. I could barely even feel the EMT insert the IV or hear when they asked me questions.

———

The heart palpitations do their diligence distracting from the perforations left in my arm from the injections of various medications and the IV drip.

My respiration is just as irregular as my heart's chemical damaged rhythm. I feel like I'm drowning in this heavy air and it feels like the knots in my stomach have spread to my heart. This pain is so unbearable that I feel the need to crave it out of myself with a blade.

The world is doubling- no tripling, blurring, and mushing together all at once. I can feel the hum of the fluorescent hospital light buzz through my head. The scent of rubbing alcohol and sterilized equipment is evident throughout the cold medical facility.

By my own hands I've made my body a place unsuitable for living. I've "almost drugged myself to an early grave" as the hospital staff keep reminding me.

Speaking of body, I can no longer tell where I end and the wires of the EKG machine begin. Neuropathy has set in and nerve sensation has dulled for the most part, except in my stomach and heart where it hurts the most of course. But me and the machines they have me hooked up to might as well be one as long as they are taking the place of my dysfunctional body systems.

When they run the EKG scan, which they do about every half hour, they ask me to stay as still as I can, but it's hard to control the shaking when I don't know where it comes from in the first place. I'm by no means cold, or if I am I really can't feel it.

Have I mentioned the shaking? The tremors? I need to grow accustomed to the flavor of raw stomach acid soon, because that's all I've been throwing up anymore. It's all that's left.

The nausea begins to build all over again, like my stomach is writhing and contorting in my torso. I can feel the knots being tied. Over the next few minutes it builds and builds, I'd do anything to stop the encroaching bile now. The nausea completely overwhelms my senses right before another round of the most violent retching I've ever experienced. Accompanied by the most awful squelching and splattering sounds as it hits the rest of vomit already resting at the bottom of the bag.

I feel like I'm nearing being turned inside out everytime it happens. And I've filled yet another vomit bag. This isn't going to stop for days as the doctor told me. I doubt I'll get the luxury of unconsciousness.

The activated charcoal they gave me to drink is like this black sludge, "slow and steady now, don't drink so fast you throw it all up but not so slow that you succumb to the consequences of your own actions." Well maybe that's not what they really said but it's how it felt. I can tell the staff are judging me, I just know it! They think I deserve this.

At least the charcoal is cherry flavored.

My many eyes dart around the clean and pristine hospital room erratically, glancing off in every direction. I don't want anyone to look at me anymore. I can't stand the buzz of the lights and I can barely bring myself to move enough to blink. Or even move enough to breathe. I am much too dizzy and light-headed to even consider standing up. I'm so dizzy I could swear I'm phasing in and out of my body. The only thing keeping my consciousness bound to this body is the unending pain ancoring me in the reality of my situation.

It's growing increasingly unbearable.

Above all else I am losing my mind trying to figure out where I went wrong tonight. These chemicals were supposed to fix all these feelings. The pills were supposed to fix me. My psychiatrists and therapists all told me that I'm sick, disordered, and all I needed was to buy a few more medicines.

It must be my fault, it must be if hundreds of milligrams of mood stabilizers can't just make it better.

Tell me, anyone tell me, why I'm so useless that I can't even help myself?

Why am I so worthless that my medicine won't work on me?

I am almost entirely suspended in unreality. The prozac, olanzapine, mirtazapine, and everything other useless drug they gave me were meant to cure me. I've tried everything!

I've done the very most I can to try and make the bad thoughts quiet down. And are the thoughts that tell me "I'd be better dead", my own thoughts, or a symptom of one of my diagnoses?

Is the reason I'm like this the same reason I don't deserve love, or do I not deserve love because I'm like this? I want to get better. I swear I really do.

So why does no one believe me?

"Sir, you have a visitor." The nurse informs me in a harsh yet hush tone.

The words barely make it through my chemical head. I'm practically catatonic in this hospital bed. But when I do process them I pray to every divine that it is who I think it is.

Red petals on the top and bottom, two yellow petals, one pink and one blue. I was right!

I can't believe he came all the way down to this void to come see me. I really thought he'd stay home. I don't think anyone or anything could possibly understand the pure desperation I feel coursing through my veins. Right alongside the saline they're using to flush my IV of course.

My boyfriend entered my hospital room, #34 I believe, I saw when they rolled me in on the stretcher. Tears well up in my dried eyes, I couldn't feel enough of anything to cry while drugged out of my head but seeing him, well, I need him more than I have ever needed anyone before.

The look on his face when he saw me is one I didn't know he was capable of, pure horror even. I must look horrible stained with my own bile in these itchy hospital scrubs. He is quick to clasp my hand in his and rub along my knuckles and the back of my palm. Through the blurred vision and tears I can't even make him out anymore but I don't need to, I just need his touch. I need it so badly.

I have no depth perception at the moment, or hand eye coordination, and again everything is quite blurry so it was mostly unintentional when I pulled him in by the sweater. He leans into me and wraps his arms under my upper back, holding me against his chest.

He's warm against me, holding me gently in a hospital bed. I can't feel much at all other than the pain, his warmth was the only other sensation I could pin down in my head. It was such a harsh contrast from how I normally see him acting.

With him so close I can't tell where he ends and I begin this time. Even in one of my most painful moments, I feel a familiar comfort in my palpitating heart. He's the only thing keeping me from going entirely mad. He has no idea what I'd give to melt into him right here right now, become an amalgamated abomination of our half hazardly bonded flesh and bone. I'm afraid I'd ruin him and all his perfection with me and all my misshapen and grotesqueness.

I am especially disgusting as of now, making him worry about me like this. Can I not be horrible for just one second? Selfish, that's it. I must be selfish. I take another go at speaking a moment after we pull away. All I can muster is an apology that comes out more like a pathetic stammer through my tears.

The way his cold gaze met mine shook me. I've never seen real tears stream down his face. He looks so... distraught. Its like he's looking right through me and simultaneously looking directly at me. And on top of everything I've never seen him sign so frantically. He rarely signs at all.

"Please don't be sorry."

…

"Don't strain your voice."

"Just stay right there, okay? Do you need anything?"

"I'll get you anything, I'd do anything for you."

I knew he cared about me, but I guess I never realized just how much. Or maybe I just forgot. How horrible am I?

Is it possible I'm actually worth something to him? Worth enough for him to call me an ambulance, worth enough for him to comfort me in the hospital bed, worth enough for him to cry over me?

Was I really worth staying with all this time?

My thoughts are interrupted by another round of retching, it seems those knots in my stomach weren't just anxiety. Mr. Plant holds my hand through it. I'm gonna be here a while, I know that. But he's here with me, and from the looks of it he isn't leaving my side anytime soon.

I'll make it out alive, not for myself, just for him. And for the possibility that maybe he needs me just as much as I need him. I wish my mind wasn't so scrambled, so I could find the words to express just how much I love him.

I love you Mr. Plant.

#overdose #vomiting #tw overdose #tw vomit #unnamed twomp au #twomp #ashur gharavi #argos twomp #the world of mr plant #twomrp #twomp fanfic #plargos #eye love you #I'm so sorry regular twomp enjoyerd #YOU JUST GOT [COMICALLY ANGSTY TWOMP AU]'D #Spotify

51 notes · View notes

candycane969 · 6 months

Text

✨🎧🌆ROTTMNT DONATELLO HEADCANONS🌆🎧✨

made by me! candy! :3 no major spoilers

A quick guide!✨

💜 - Supported by canon (things that are pretty sure out there, maybe not confirmed 100% but yeah)

❤ - Kind of supported by canon (things that happened in the series that miiiight lead to some other stuff)

🧡 - My source is that I made it the fuck up (still trying to fit it into the character tho)

⭐ - Not sure if I'm taking this headcanon or not, but I do think It's pretty neat

💋 - Kinky! DISCLAIMER: Ive always seen the rottmnt boys (and April) in the age group from 17 to 19 and thats what I headcanon them as (as it is my own age group!). Ive seen the show and was fucking sure theyre my age and then a month or two later I was slapped in the face with thier actual age lol. I dont support any pedo shit, I also dont think minors can consent. Just putting it out there

Lets go!🌆💜🎧⭐✨

The 'Tism

• 💜 I think Its pretty fucking obvious that this boy is autistic, pretty much everything in the show supports this.

• ❤ Donny's headgear also works as noise cancelling headphones! He's often overwhelmed by background sounds and his gear makes it easier for him to live his life (either on missions or just spending time with his brothers and/or April). He still loves blasting his music on the highest volume tho. It's different when you consent to hearing your jams then when several people are talking at once and youre going crazy.

Tagging as kind of canon because he might have audio sensory issues because of his autism and you can reraly see him without the damn googles.

Different stims

❤ Foot stomping

❤ Hand flapping

🧡 Repeating a song/part of song over and over (yes, even if it has no words)

❤ Spinning on chairs

🧡 Pacing around the lab/the lair

• 💜 He knows ASL! Though It's never said in the show why he learned it, I believe that because he goes nonverbal often. Everyone in the lair can sign a bit because of that, but not everybody is too good at it. Donatello can communicate in ASL fluently.

Gender

• 🧡 Donatello never really felt connected to being "a men" and categorising things as "for boys" and "for girls" always seemed dumb to him. Shortly after Leo's coming out as a trans men (SURPRISE LEO HEADCANON) he went to talk to him about his gender experience. After some thinking and digging, Don came to the conclusion that he is in fact nonbinary. He still uses mostly male pronounces but always appreciates gender neutral pronounces coming his way.

Sexuality

• 🧡 While realising his own gender he also figured out that he doesn't really sees gender that seriously in others either. Men or women, its pretty much whatever to him. He doesn't like to label himself much when it comes to his sexuality, he accepts reffering to him as a pansexual or bisexual.

• 🧡 When it comes to dating Donatello doesn't imagine himself with anyone, really. He finds himself attractive, but doesn't think anyone would fancy him in a romantic way. He's not interessted much in dating either way. But he doesn't exclude dating someone in the future. It's just he won't go out of his way to look for love.

• ❤/🧡 Its obvious Don is a men of science, he's a genius when it comes to coding, math, engineering, I would say chemistry as well. Thats the field he feels the most comfortable in, but he loves learning new things in general. As long as there is interesting knowledge he can obtain, he will be there, soaking it like a sponge. He likes listening to info dumps, and probably listens to long ass video essays and/or podcasts.

• 🧡 Don likes to learn about others people hobbys and takes interest in learning about it. He likes showing others that he cares about something, even though Its something totally indifferent to him. For example, he knows lot about art making process from Mikey (Angelo even made him paint with him a couple of times!) even tho he doesn't really likes drawing and/or famous artists. No many people appreciate his work so he wants to show his appreciation to others.

• 💜 He is pretty low empathy most of the time. It's hard for him to relate to others, and can often feel like someone is overreacting. It's also challenging for him to put his feelings "out there". Which often makes him look unloving or unfriendly. And it couldn't be farther from the truth. He loves his brothers even though they bother him most of the time. And he loves April as well (though she never really troubled him much). He never really thinks that his low empathy is a flaw (more often he thinks about it as a blessing) but there rare are moment when he feels helpless because of it. He is glad that his family knows that he truly cares about them (and accepts any effort he puts in to express his feelings, even if it seems small).

• 🧡⭐ I've seen people headcanoning Donny as a baker and honestly I like it a lot. Cooking is Mikeys domain, and it suits him well, as it allows a lot of freestyling and just overall feeling. Baking and pastry making is very calculated and one miatake can ruin the whole thing. It reminds Don of engineering in a sense. Also baking is an easy way to get love and appreciation from his family because, cmon, he just made the most angelic fruit tarts in the whole universe, of course they're going to praise him. It also works as a stress relief. When feeling stumped and/or overwhelmed over a project or a situation he'll make something easy like brownies to get his mind of it.

• 🧡 He's very sentimental. He loves receiving gifts and will cherish and use them (even if he doesn't like it). He still has every "gamers dont die they respawn" Tshirt and every "dont fuck with my brother he was born in october and has autism" mug. Sometimes he REALLY wants to throw something away but god damn it this is painting Mikey did when he was ten and is just five splats of paint and thinking about him somehow finding out and crying about it might destroy him forever.

• 🧡⭐ This bitch reads fanfics, thats it. It started when he was around 13 or smth with Atomic Lass x Reader and now he knows all the fanfic lingo. He still might read something from time to time and writes very long and well written comments (with constructive criticism).

• 🧡 Speaking of which, Don writes perfect sentences while texting. All the correct spelling and punctuation. He also communicates with emojis and gifs like a millenial.

Food, TW: drinking!

• 🧡 He has a rather strong head, you cant make him drunk that easily. But when it finally happens, youre in for a ride. Shutting him up is near impossible, he will talk non-stop but with much less eloquence then while sober. Its extremely easy to make him laugh, so Leo absolutely loves it. He often looses track of what hes saying and starts completely different rant. Overall a chaotic mess. Really fun to witness it at least once. His beverage of choice is either fun cocktails or beer (tho rarely and/or only with some kind of juice because he doesn't like the fizziness on his tongue).

• 🧡 And that takes us to Donatello that hates fizzy drinks. He hates carbonated beverages, no matter if its cola or champagne. The feeling on his tongue and in his mouth makes him really uncomfortable. When there is no other choice but to drink up some bubbless, he leaves it open for as long as he can to get rid of them. His brothers despise him for that.

• 🧡 He doesn't like weird food combos either and is rather picky. When ordering food Don sticks to what he knows not to risk an uncomfortable texture touching his mouth. Texture is the most often reason for him not liking a specific food. Donnys pretty strict to preparing food as well (the way he does a thing is The Correct Way and no other exception is acceptable). Also he puts milk first so his cereal doesn't get soggy.

• 🧡 I feel like he likes fruit juices in boxes and fruit mousses but this is pretty random 🤷

• ❤/🧡 He wears contacts! We've seen little Donny with glassess, so I assumed he wears contacts now. When he knows he will be spending all day in the lair (for example because of an injury) he still has a pair of glassess he uses. And yes, he tapes them to the head. Because he rarely ever wears them, he never came up with a solution for not having ears and needing glassess.

• 🧡 ABSOLUTELY hates smoking. Will go on a rant if he sees someone he knows smoking. He absolutely despises the smell and WILL take it out of someones mouth/hand and throw it away. Appreciates the fun smells of vapes but still hates them. Will call vapers losers (maybe not exacly in these words but he will for sure).

• 🧡 Really good at makeup, but not as good as Leo is (ANOTHER SURPRISE LEO HEADCANON). He spend years perfecting his eyebrows of course. He also wears eyeliner because serving cunt is important even on the battlefield. From time to time you can see his nails painted as well.

• 🧡⭐ While being flustered or simply distracted he stutters a lot, mostly in a way of repeating whole words or parts of a sentence ("Its good because- Its good- Its good because I um- Its good-")

• 🧡 Enjoys taking very long baths, and actually prefers them much more then showers. Can stay underwater for a rather long time as well!! Being fully submerged calms him down a lot and its overall very relaxing for him.

• 🧡⭐ Ive seen a lot of takes that without his battle shell, he is really flexible (due to having a soft shell). And I like the idea. I think, that before sitting infront of a screen (or a desk in general) to do his work for several hours he stretches deeply so his back won't be so sore later. Also a reason to draw Donny in yoga poses and thats always cool.

• ❤ Makes up shit to fuck with his brothers. Like just spreading misinformation and gaslighting them for shit and giggles. Or to get them to leave him alone for a while. Also will gaslight them if they somehow find out that he was lying ("what? you must have heard me wrong then 🙄💅")

• 💜/❤ Loves singing and dancing!!! Aint the best singer (tho I love his songs in the show Im kissing him as we speak) but is a gorgeous dancer! He finds it incredibly fun and feels fabulous while doing it. Also Im pretty sure dancing counts as stimming so add it to the list. Dances solo like 90% of the time but really enjoys dancing in pairs (dances with April a whole lot when they get the chance!).

• ❤ He rarely laughs out loud, but when he does it is loud and messy. A good joke can make him think about it all day and continue laughing for a long time. Not my og take, Ive seen this headcanon before and I love it so so much :3

• 🧡 From all his brothers, he kind of wishes to be human the most of them all. Its not a big big wish, he does think of himself as very unique individual and takes pride of being a mutant. But sometimes while hanging out with April he can get lost in his thoughts of "what ifs". Maybe in the process of making a cloaking accessory.

• 🧡 His handwriting is god-awful. All scribly and fucked up like Doctors writing. Unfamiliar eye would not decipher a word out of it, but Don knows exactly what everything means. But he mostly writes digitally.

• ❤ Dons dislike of hugging is canon, but I do believe he likes being touched on his head and face (head pats, cheek rubs, scratches). He enjoys hand holding when it's appropriate as well.

• 💋 Im headcanoning the boys to go through mating season once a year (except mikey cuz he small) everyone at a different time. It would be similiar to an ovulation but much more horny (with also fever symptoms). Don would be the second after Raph to get it. While in heat he doesn't go feral or anything, but after a few days stops working because he cant focus on his craft. Waves of sudden temperature changes (mostly high heat) with really horny thoughts and hypersensitivity to pretty much everything...yeah not the best work environment. He spends his most intensive days closed off in his lab or room because he really doesn't want his family to see him like this (the rest of the turtles are in thier rooms during thier mating time as well for the same reason). Also add being possessive while having a SO, and also veeery easy to irritate.

• 💋 Donny takes on a more submissive role while being intimate, even though he loves to be in charge all the time. But he isn't a bottom either, I would put him perfectly in the middle as a switch (more leaning on that sub part tho).

• 💋 His biggest turn on is smell. Like someones natural smell, no perfumes and all. He likes to snuggle in the crook of the neck and take it all in. This becomes cranked up to eleven during mating season, as he absolutely cannot stop sniffing. Would love his significant other to leave him clothes with thier smell on it and sleep and/or snuggle with it.

Might add more later but thats all for now :3💜

Hope you enjoyed it⭐✨

#If you think Ive misrepresented him or something is clashing with canon let me know #going to make Leo headcanons soon cuz I have a lot I love him #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #rottmnt donnie #tmnt #donatello #text #rise donnie #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #donatello headcanons #headcanons #donnie headcanons #rottmnt headcanons #tmnt 2018 #rottmnt donatello #writing #rise donatello #rise headcanons

44 notes · View notes

blooky8 · 7 days

Text

🧪 Dark Pinky Moodboard 🔮

art by wimsiecal, check out their ask: askdarkpinky.tumblr.com pictures are random things i found on the internet and tweaked with photoshop! inspiration song: sucker for pain (https://open.spotify.com/track/4dASQiO1Eoo3RJvt74FtXB?si=044a1d3321bb4688)

wimsie said they like this, so i thought why not put it up on my blog with normal formatting hjjlklhj very chaotic and angsty, sincere emotions not from honesty but from not being able to hide true feelings behind a mask well enough, full villain act both for show and for self-expression. those are the vibes i was working with i absolutely loooooove characters like this, you don't even know i can appreciate the vulgar dark fashion, unapologetic honest amorality and the smug act, but at the same time i feel so much pity for their delusions, from a reader's perspective it's very easy to see how they're completely missing any true happiness that could exist in their life by walking down the path they chose. and they didn't just choose it, they really commit to it, and act so high-and-mighty, so confident... babygirl doesn't even know how far he is from the truth, and there's no coming back from this for him🤭 anyway, i'll probably upload some other moodboards i did a while ago later, and i'll post new ones directly to this blog! explaining them seems like fun. also, they won't be tied to one fandom, or sometimes any fandoms at all, but i do feel like i'll do more patb/animaniacs stuff soon

#moodboard #animaniacs #pinky and the brain #patb #dark pinky #blook's moodboards

17 notes · View notes

barghest-land · 2 months

Text

rant time cuz art isn't arting as u see

in times like this almost nothing makes sense. almost nothing seems important, or at least a little significant. it's almost 1pm here and i just woke up. it doesn't make any sense to feel like life has no meaning right after opening my eyes, but sadly it is how it is. i go to sleep feeling like that, waking up with the same thoughts, and more sun in the morning doesn't make any difference. spring is coming and i don't even care. it's hard when you have two opinions, or more like... feelings at the same time. "life has no meaning" is the one. "... but it does" is the other. and somehow they coexist. there are still some little things that make the second option stronger with time, tho. thousands of people gathering in public places and shouting "no to war" and "we won't forgive" makes sense. seeing my coworkers on a call and them smiling, listening close to what i'm saying makes sense. in that moment, my words and decisions are important. that means i am important too. "how are u feeling?" makes so much sense. kissing my cat's little forehead and hugging her makes sense. "you are loved" makes sense. probably the most. some guy on a crisis line, that offered to sing to me until i fall asleep, cuz i said that going to sleep feels like dying every time. friends that don't know what to do and how to help, but stay close anyway. i know i said i don't even want spring to come anymore. but hearing birds sing makes sense. and i know that when the time comes, new grass will make so much sense too. my favorite sweet black tea with lemon somehow still tastes the same. even tho it doesn't bring joy, it does bring comfort, because at least something didn't change. having friends that i can text and say "can i come over and u give me a haircut.. can i also cry there a little. please" makes sense. seeing other people who deal with loss and keep living makes SO much sense i can't even explain. i want to be as strong as they are. nothing brings joy, but at least some things still make some kind of sense, and i'm not ready to let them go yet. for now, i think, little things are enough

#barghest barks

48 notes · View notes

laventadorn · 3 months

Note

Hi music anon again 🤗

I know what you mean about never knowing what music Snape listens to. It's sort of tough, isn't it?

I feel like the instinct is for classical and I don't doubt that he enjoys classical music, but I also think his Muggle upbringing would surely play a role in his music taste no matter how much he rightfully despised his father and his crappy childhood in general.

Now this may way be controversial, but I sort of headcanon teenage Snape secretly listening to Fleetwood Mac or T-rex or The Stones with black painted finger nails and cigarette in hand and sort of think he probably never stopped? I mean the painted nails probably didn't hang around after he started teaching (or maybe he did and he just used a glamour though that might interfere with his potions lol) but I could still easily see Harriet's Snape listening to You can go your own way or Paint it black in his chambers when he thinks hes mostly certain he has a few private minutes to himself...of course, I now I have the image of Snape listening to angry girl indie music in my head i dont think that's leaving any time soon 😄

it certainly is rough! also it's very hard not to give him our own music taste in some way (that is, the taste of the person headcanoning about it), which is only natural, both because we like our own taste and because we interpret our blorbos through some prism of self.

also music, more than probably any other art form, seems to get tied up with this performance evaluation of our personal coolness. there can be a lot of "i don't listen to that" about music, and everyone shows off their spotify wrapped at the end of the year (some people apparently... put cooler songs on mute and play them to jazz up their list?? is that real????) so, going off what you said about his Muggle upbringing, and music as a form of teenage rebellion, this complicates the Snape Playlist because one would imagine him hearing Muggle music at home and, whether he liked it or not, rejecting it because it's Muggle. or maybe embracing it, at least on holiday, because his dad hates it and he hates his dad. or! maybe some of it reminds him of lily, so it likes it for that reason, at least for a while. (secret fourth option: i’m way overthinking it!)

the another complication is that we don't know what the heck kind of music wizards listen to. we only know the Weird Sisters, which is rock. are they the wizard Iron Maiden or Nirvana? or maybe Vivaldi was a wizard or something. then young, desperately-trying-to-not-be-too-Muggle Snape could listen to these safely.

but in the end, i just wonder if... snape wouldn't listen to anything? i wonder if the reason it's so hard to nail down something for him to listen to is because i can't imagine him actually... doing something for simple enjoyment? he's so uptight in this way and self hating in that way... the result of asking myself "what would snape enjoy" is really the answer "nothing!" he won't let himself. he can read depressing books and dry potions journals but for music you just have to relax and enjoy the noises and i just... have a hard time picturing him doing it. he can't relax. he can't enjoy himself. he can't appreciate a nice tune. not yet.

this tangled web of questions is the answer i've come up with for myself, so far :)

#laventadorn replies #tner tag

22 notes · View notes

copingmechanizm · 1 year

Text

Oh, my car smells like chocolate

(modern au steddie)

*the title comes from "chocolate" by The 1975*

Eddie Munson is a man of many talents. He's pretty decent at singing, his guitar skills are at least star quality and he can fix any minor fault around the house. He even found out he's capable of organizing all kinds of events, which he chose to be his job after scraping through college. What he's not good at though is baking and keeping his mouth shut. So when Chrissy, who just begun to work with him few weeks ago, told him in distress that the bakery which was supposed to provide a cake for Saturday's event cancelled last minute, Eddie said that he'll do it then. He. Baking a fucking cake. Of course he wouldn't do it! The only thing he even attempted to bake was chocolate chip cookies and that was a disaster. His kitchen barely survived. So he's afraid to even think what would happen if he'd try to bake a full on cake.

Now then he has two options. Number one: he'll go to every bakery in town to try to get a two store customized cake for at least fifty people. He's ready to beg for it if needed. Number two: he'll admit his idiocy and tell Chrissy he won't bring any cake for Saturday. He's sure after shooting disappointed look his way she would figure something out. The choice was simple. Of course he chose option number one.

After spending yesterday's evening and half of today searching for a kind bakery, he's pretty close to admit his defeat. Everywhere he went he got the same answer: no one will take his order at such a short notice. So now he got less than 24 hours to bring the promised cake to the venue with no idea how to do that. He's slowly leaning into choosing option number two when his eyes catch on the sigh across the street saying "King Steve's Bakery". Well, worth a try even if the shop seems small and he doesn't have much hope left.

He enters and he's welcomed by cosy interior, all wood and stone, with many mismatched pieces of art stuffed around the walls. No one appears to be here at the moment. He gets closer to the counter, where there's all kinds of baked goods displayed. Eddie has to admit all here looks delicious. He can't get distracted though. He has another fight this day ahead of him. He rings the small bell, similar to the ones at the hotel receptions, and waits. Soon, though the doors leading to the back, comes the most beautiful man Eddie has ever saw. Sharp jaw, soft blue eyes, hair that looked like professionaly styled and a splatter of moles and freckles. Not to mention clearly athletic body with muscular arms accented by fitted polo shirt. The apron with a crown he has on weirdly gives him a sort of gentle aura. The name tag says Steve so that's probably the baker's name. He dust his hands from what looks like a flour and with a charming smile openes those perfectly shaped mouth.

"What can I do for you, beautiful?"

Is it just Eddie or it bacame suddenly hot in here?

"I...um... I- I mean, I want to buy a cake". Fucking hell he couldn't embarrass himself more, could he?

"Well, you're in right place then." The baker softly chuckled, looking right at Eddie. "So what you're exactly looking for? You want something ready or a custom made one?"

"Right, yes, I want a custom made, two store for fifty people. Best if it's floral related but honestly right now I'll take anything." The event is for some florist association and ideally it's supposed to picture some kind of flower that's on their logo but he thinks at this rate they're lucky if they get anything at all. He looks hopefully at his potential savior who returns the look with raised eyebrows.

"Two store you say? That's a helluva lot of work. When's the deadline?" And there, that's when Eddie's last chance will shatter to pieces.

"Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?! Dude that's a really short time you give me. This place is small but we do have other clients, you know?" Shit, fuck and other cursed words in this language. Not only he won't get the cake but also he somehow managed to piss off the perfect man.

"Yes! Yes I know, really. It's just- I'm like desperate. I'm ready to beg." Especially to you. "Tomorrow's this big event and the bakery cancelled last minute and I promised I'll do it but I couldn't bake to save my life and I probably visited every bakery in this shit town and you're my last chance." He finished lamely very much aware he started rumbling. Steve stared at him through his monologue looking more and more amused with every word. Finally, after what felt like eternity of silence filled with fast beating of Eddie's heart, he speaks out sealing his fate.

"Alright. I'll do it." What? Did he hear right? Does miracles truly exist? "But." Ah. There it is. " You'll have to help me."

"WHAT? Did you not hear when I said I can't bake???" He looked at confident face of the baker like he was crazy. He can't be serious, right? RIGHT??

"Yes I heard. I also heard that you promised that you'll be the one making it so it's a compromise. Don't worry, I'll do the most of work." That doesn't make Eddie worry any less. "So? Tonight at seven I'll meet you here? I'll close up and we'll be ready to bake." This bastard has the guts to grin at Eddie self-satisfied like he didn't just sentenced his bakery to die in flames. But alas, he doesn't have much of a choice. He won't find anything better and if all he has to do is sit and watch as Steve works his magic, maybe occasionally mix something? then deal.

"Deal. I'll meet you tonight. But don't blame me if by tomorrow you won't have a place to work at." Steve laughed, and oh he even has a perfect laught, making Eddie a blushing virgin again.

"Deal. Till tonight, beautiful boy."

"Fuck- I mean- my name's Eddie." This man will kill him someday if he won't die in the fire tonight.

"Alright, Eddie. See you." His name has never sounded so beautiful.

"Right, see you." He choked out and one last time looked into those eyes, now full of mirth and amusement. He quickly walked out so he wouldn't change his mind and went back to his place. He looked at the clock. A little past two. So he has three hours to get ready and mentally prepare himself for tonight's disaster. Heaven and hell help him.

#steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #modern setting #baker steve harrington #eddie pov

85 notes · View notes

66sharkteeth · 8 months

Text

kind of venting here again since it's the smallest place w/ the least amount of eyes. but man it's just one of those days where i dont feel good about my work haha. well, i kinda do, but i keep getting reassurance that it's not.

like i dont know... I'm going to New York Comic Con out of my own pocket and the company I work for just...wants nothing to do with me. How insulting is that? I can only assume they're just...embarrassed of CoB for some reason, and my leading theory is they just think the art is ugly. I see them invite smaller creators to things all the time, so I know it's not a performance thing, especially with CoB regularly being one of the top scifis and I feel like NYCC is one of the few places where that's like...actually kinda relevant. To this day, it's still never been included in any kind of banner or promo either. I've been to the office and I see art of all sorts of series, bigger and smaller than CoB all over the office, but CoB's just no where to be seen.

I see all my friends getting their ANYC acceptances now too. I applied, but it's looking like I didn't get in based on my empty inbox. I dunno. Sometimes I feel good about my art. getting into NYCC was definitely a bit of a boost. But now I'm realizing I probably got in bc my art isn't...super duper anime? And now I'm not anime enough for ANYC. And that's just...the boat I always seem to fall into. Just so fucking middle ground that I fall between the cracks. My series does well enough that it's not considered a "hidden gem" but it's also not big enough to be one of the popular series everyone talks about. And thus just...nobody ends up talking about it. And the same goes for my art in general. Not quite anime enough to appease to the anime crowd, but it's also too anime to appease the more western audience. My skill level is also just...good enough that nobody tells me my art sucks, but also not amazing enough that anyone's blown away.

Though like I said, I'm pretty sure at this point it must just be...flat out bad according to...the company I work for. They act like they're embarrassed of it. Maybe the story sucks too or something according to them, but there must be a reason they're too embarrassed to put it anywhere in the office or ever include it any kind of banner or collage. They don't even want anything to do with Shnee who is just like...ripe for marketing lol. At least I think he is. I mean, his plushie did well. But they must think he's as ugly as the rest of the series.

I dunno. It feels bad. Every time I start to feel a little good about my art, Im just kind of reminded it must not be very good. Like damn it must be bad when even your mom won't put your art on the fridge huh?

#that last sentence isn't actually about my mom lol. she's very proud of my art #vent

36 notes · View notes

kyouka-supremacy · 2 months

Note

Any predictions on what is going to happen in and after this arc?

I don't think I'm very good at predictions (╥﹏╥) I really can't guess what's Dostoyevsky's deal, but if else, that makes following the current manga events all the more exciting! Again, by the looks of it we're going to find out the backstory of a character that was first introduced in 2013, so reading the last chapter was a real “whoa” moment for me. As for the guesses I can take, it really doesn't go much further than:

Whatever is going on in the last chapter between Dostoyevsky and Bram is probably going to lead to Bram's demise as it was shown in chapter 102.

I think there's likely some connection between the scars (?) on Bram's face and the way medieval Dostoyevsky displayed an analogous one in the last chapter, because they're too similar to be put there randomly.

Something I haven't seen being brought up is the possibility of Dostoyevsky being able to time travel rather than be eternal, which even though doesn't feel like the most convincing explanation, I feel like it's too soon to fully exclude either?

Jokes aside, I don't think Akutagawa has any real chance to play a role in this, because it's evidently something that's happened in the past. And though the author looves time traveling shenanigans, that feels a bit of a stretch. Although the last attire we saw Akutagawa in did resemble a medieval aesthetic, so who knows if he doesn't have some other kind of connection to the events…

But I DO feel like the change in appearance must be telling of some new alliance. Likely something from Europe. We know the author is probably going to move the focus to European authors next, they already seemed to suggest so in an interview, and if God allows it it's finally going to be time for Agatha and the Order of the Clock Tower.

I. Idk. Have been growing an underlying suspicion that the 2-hours-later sskk scene is going to be a spinoff movie to come some time in the future. It's going to feature time traveling shenanigans (see the very limited timeframe skip) and Fukuchi coming back in a new weird form and sskk getting their rematch with him I have been saying they narratively deserve. Overall it's something that won't be covered by the manga à la Dead Apple, standalone and that can be skipped past. It does make sense marketing wise because it'll be years before the manga will have released enough content for another anime season, and given that the bsd franchise is comparatively very popular right now, I highly doubt they'll let the hype slowly die– that's also why I'm waiting for the announcement of a new Wan anime season any day now. I've said before it doesn't look like we're getting the cool sskk scene in the manga soon, and that it most likely solved the purpose of a teaser for the next arc for various reasons; the last chapter seemingly skipping past it seems now to confirm that. The very high quality of the animation of that scene in the anime might be a further hint in the movie direction, to be honest. (I'm only now realizing that if that's true, it means that we are not getting that scene in Harukawa's art style, and am suddenly hating everything and not want it to become true). That said, a Stormbringer movie seems likely too, so who knows.

Back to chapter 113. The jokes about Dazai not being included in the ada family picture are hilarious, and I do personally believe Dazai is more distant to the rest of the ada than other members; that said, I doubt it has anything to do with the panel itself, and as of now I don't think it's that deep ahah. In general, I find it very hard to believe that Dazai is the one that's going to be transferred to the pm: that feels to me a quite lazy direction to take storytelling wise. We already saw what it's like to have Dazai in the pm, no need to relapse to that. That's why, regretfully, I doubt Atsushi is going to be taken in either, because we already know what pm Atsushi is like (VERY very regretfully for me. Because I'd love more Atsushi screentime and because my brain quite automatically makes a jump from “Atsushi joins the pm” to “sskk canonly live together”. Also all the “sskk are Double Black 2.0” that has been tormenting sskk shippers since the start of time, might as well make them the New Double Black for real this time.). Tanizaki sounds like a good bet to be honest: because, on top of being the only ada member with a completely unexplored backstory, we already saw him interact with the pm a lot over the course of the whole manga, which can be taken as a slow build-up for the moment he ends up joining their ranks; from the pm perspective, since he showed to be a challenge for them in more than one occasion (he even intruded the boss' chambers once), it would make sense to try and get him on their side. And Tanizaki having already volunteered to join them in chapter 65. Honestly, everything seems to point in that direction right now.

I hope the following chapters also explain why taking the sword off Bram didn't kill him as previously established because as of now the seemingly plot hole is bothering me a lot.

That's all that comes to my mind right now, excited to see what the manga will be up to next!

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd ch 113 #mine #people asks me stuff

12 notes · View notes

apomaro-mellow · 1 year

Text

Part 2

Steve backed into his case of a bed as he was met with two toads.

"Where am I? Who are you?"

"I'm Carol and this is Tommy", one toad gestured to herself and then the other. "We've decided to graciously welcome you into our home~"

"After we saw that fairy pestering you all night, that is", Tommy croaked.

"Eddie?", Steve's face scrunched a little at the insinuation. "He wasn't pestering me or anything like that." Last night had been the most wonderful night of his life and now his morning was sour.

"In fact, I need to get home." He crawled out of his bed, fully awake now, realizing he had been kidnapped in the dead of night. "I'm supposed to be seeing him again today."

"Again?!" Both toads exclaimed.

"Now that would be a bad idea", Tommy said, shoving Steve back into the case as Carol sat next to him.

"If you hang out with that prince, he'll actually get the idea you like him or something."

Steve blushed. It was a lot more than just like at this point. Apparently they could tell just by looking at him because they just laughed.

"Listen, you obviously don't know, but those fairies are freaks", Tommy sat on Steve's other side, boxing him in between them. "They're always flying around, like little flies."

"Delicious, but annoying", Carol added. "And so high and mighty."

"Ooh~ Look at me, I change the seasons."

"If you run in with their crowd, you're gonna be too busy for any fun."

"Busy?", Steve questioned.

"With all their busy-body fairy stuff. Getting involved in everyone's business", Tommy scorned.

"And keeping to themselves too much. They hardly go anywhere."

Steve didn't know how you could be a busy-body AND not go anywhere at the same time.

"Well, Eddie said he could show me the world. And I want to see it."

"Tommy and I have already done that! We could show you all the good spots~"

"And you won't be tied down to some prince."

"The bakeries of France, the monuments of Greece-"

"The shows in Spain, the art in Germany-"

"We'll take you there, free of charge."

The constant back and forth had him swiveling his head and losing his way and the more they talked, the more it sounded like a good idea to go. After all, seeing the world was what he wanted, wasn't it?

"The decision's made then", Carol decided without a word from Steve. She grabbed his hands and pulled him to his feet. "And to seal the deal, let's have a little party."

"A party?"

Tommy grabbed Steve by the waist and before he could protest, was set down on a lily pad.

"Of course a party", he said. "Gotta celebrate your nuptials."

"My WHAT?!"

"We're gonna get some other toads. Then we can really get crazy", Carol grinned. "While we're gone, you can decide which of us you're gonna marry. Fun fact, Tommy burps when he croaks."

"And Carol's tongue lashes out in her sleep."

"Hey wait a minute!"

"See ya soon~!", the two toads crooned as their boat skuttled down the stream, in search of the rest of their friends.

Steve looked at his surroundings. On a lily pad, no dry land in sight. He sighed, ran a hand through his hair and then jumped in. Better start swimming. Hopefully Eddie wouldn't mind that he was late and also soaking wet. He wasn't quite sure of his direction, but all water had to lead somewhere and eventually get to land. As he swam, a bird flew overhead and noticed him.

"Uh, hey, quick question, what're you doing?", the bird asked, flying low.

"Swimming", Steve answered shortly, not having much room to talk.

"I can see that, but why?"

"To get home."

"Mhm. And you thought this was a good idea because?"

"What's it to you?!" Steve finally paused and floated in place while the bird landed on a cattail.

"Just seems like there's better options than swimming back. Like some sort of vessel."

"Yeah, well, my kidnappers took the boat, so this is my only choice."

"I mean you also could've just waited for someone to come by and help you."

"Who are you anyway and where were you when I got stolen?"

"Name's Dustin and if your kidnappers operate like most, it was probably night. So I was asleep."

"Well Dustin, I'd love to talk but I've got a date to keep. So bye." Steve started to swim again only to hear the bird call out once more.

"So were you planning on getting out before or after the waterfall?"

Steve didn't have time to ask before the current suddenly got faster, pulling him without even trying. He let out a shout before it took him under. He tried grabbing onto a stalk, a rock, anything to root him but his hands were too slippery and he was too disoriented. Dustin rushed after him and tried to pull Steve out himself but he wasn't strong enough. It wasn't until the other animals got involved, herding Steve away from the precipice that they were able to save him and get him out of the water.

Steve choked up what he swallowed and let out a shuddering breath. He looked around and tried to gather himself.

"Thanks. I owe you guys one. I'm...I'm Steve, by the way."

"So what're you gonna do now?", Dustin asked.

"I'm trying to go home, but..." Steve looked up at the grasses that surrounded him, much taller and keeping him from seeing any path that led back to his mother, back to Eddie. "It's looking kind of hopeless at this point."

He didn't even know which direction the toads had taken him. And then that stunt in the stream had him even less sure of where he was.

"So you're just gonna sit here and mope then?", Dustin asked.

Steve glared. "It's not that simple. I have no idea where I am or where to go!"

"Sitting here isn't gonna change anything. The way I see it, you got four choices."

"Four?"

"Yeah, go east, west, north, or south." Steve rolled his eyes as the bird continued. "Eventually, you'll either find home, or find someone who knows the way. Maybe you'll even run into that prince guy."

"How do you kno-"

"I think half the forest saw you two last night. Really gross by the way, you should get a room."

"I had one." But Dustin was right. He had to get moving somehow. Maybe Eddie had already gone to his house and saw that he wasn't there. Maybe he was already looking for him. Steve got to his feet, he took off his shirt and wrung it out as best as he could but made do with the fact he'd be wet for a little while.

His determination renewed, he started on his journey home, again.

----------------------------------

Eddie had gone through a plethora of emotions in the past few hours. Anticipation and elation when he returned to Steve's abode. Confusion when he found his mother crying. Heartbreak and anger when she said he had been kidnapped. Anxiety as he tried to figure out how to find him. Knowing it was toads didn't exactly narrow it down.

In his frenzy, he did remember to stop by home to speak with his uncle. If looking for Steve was going to take a while, he had to be sure he actually had the time.

"First you shirk off your duties last night to go gallavatin' and then you come in here tellin' me you found the boy of your dreams and now he's just disappeared into thin air?"

"Kidnapped. Kidnapped is what I said. And I need to find him."

"Doesn't seem like the helpless type", Wayne said, stroking his chin. "You're the one who said he parried you with a needle."

"Yeah", Eddie swooned a little. "But he's probably unarmed and he can't fly. Even if he gets free, it could take him ages to find his way home."

"So what do you want me to do about it?"

"Hold off on the chill. Just until I find him."

"Hold off? Summer's nearly done, son." Wayne knew he was in love but messing with the seasons was a tall order for just one person.

"Please. If things freeze over I'll never find him. He could die!" Spurred on by the urgency, Eddie hopped onto Honey and left before he could get a response. He'd find his Steve. Or he'd die trying.

Part 4

Tag team:

@telidina

@novelnovella

@ajeff855

#apo writes #fanfiction #stranger things #steddie #thumbelina au #enter dustin #as that annoyin as bird!#i need yall to know that as i got older i began to despise him #you'll never guess who i cast as the beetle #okay maybe you will #but guess anyway

139 notes · View notes