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livingemkayde · 10 months

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ch iv. tacit

joel miller x f!reader x unrequited!tommy miller (no outbreak AU)

chapter four of chaser

warnings: 18+ minors please dni. love triangle forming formed. lots of angst, miscommunications. very brief mentions of sexual situations. age gap, reader is 23 and joel is 35. Tommy is 30. (ages of all characters and plot do not follow canon strictly for the story’s sake).

summary: tommy miller 'accidentally' sets joel up on a blind date on your night out. you're definitely not happy about it, and neither is joel.

a/n: tried something kinda new with this chapter. Been feeling like my writing as a whole lowkey gives bare bones considering all my edits and things i cut out so i tried to keep most of my ideas, just refined them more. ~ THIS SYMBOL REPRESENTS POV CHANGE. Really trying to rein in the idea that they’re fucking terrible at communicating and they interpret situations differently (but differently in such a similar way). If yall liked this please lmk. and dont worry things will get better in the next chapter (i already have half of it written).

if you would like to read more of mine: masterlist!

“I did good, didn’t I?” What the fuck. “What?” you echo your thoughts, looking over at Tommy. He smiles at the pair. “She’s my next door neighbor. I fixed up her mailbox and got to talkin’ — said I thought she would get along with Joel.” “You invited her?” you ask, your voice small. “Yeah,” Tommy laughs and rubs your shoulder. “‘S what I just said, baby.”

“Are you serious?” you almost want to hit Joel upside the head.

He just nods, raising his beer to you and chugging down a good portion of it.

“God. You’re kidding, right?” You turn back to Tommy.

“Sorry, baby. Dead serious.”

“Jesus,” you shake your head, tipping back the remainder of your second drink.

Tommy’s birthday. On Sunday. As in like, two days from now, and you had no clue, not until this very moment, the two brothers staring back at you like they don’t see the issue with this.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“‘M tellin’ you now?” Tommy laughs. You shove him playfully.

“Well, we have to throw you a party,” you announce, shaking your head at the thought that maybe, if Joel didn’t say anything, you wouldn’t have known about Tommy’s birthday at all.

“No, I don’t think —”

“No excuses,” you say, shrugging your shoulders and giving him a shy smile. “Joel and I will take care of it. Right?” you look over at him, but he stares back with wide eyes.

He stutters out words, trying to give an excuse, but doesn’t get very far.

“Joel and I will throw you a party,” you say, giving Joel a teasing look. “You gotta up my pay, Miller.”

“In your dreams, I pay you plenty. And Sarah’s an angel — I’m basically paying you to sit around and hang out.”

“‘S hard work,” you chuckle, the boys laugh. “Can we use your backyard, Joel?”

“Why.”

“You have a pool…and a barbecue…and a lawn.”

“Jesus. ‘S like y’all don’t own houses.”

“Great! Party at Joel’s,” you smile at him, teasing almost — flirting. But you reel it in at Tommy’s voice.

They start talking about something regarding the current state of Joel’s backyard and you get lost in the conversation, itching to approach the bar and get another drink.

Your phone buzzes, it’s Olivia calling. You excuse yourself and make a quick break outside.

“Hello?”

Hey babe, so how’s it going? Am I interrupting anything??

You roll your eyes.

“Liv, c’mon. Tommy is here with us,” you say into the phone, peering back at the brothers perched on a high table through the window.

Ugh. Fucking buzzkill. So you’re not gonna make a move tonight?

“Jesus. No — no.”

Sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself more than me.

“If I get some alone time with him then maybe we’ll — talk about it. I guess…” you look back to them again. Joel’s eyes catch yours and you turn around quickly.

“I dunno though. Tommy’s being clingy.”

He’s always clingy. Sneak Joel into the bathroom, maybe y'all can go for round two.

“Liv!” you chastise, your cheeks heat at the thought.

Keep me posted. And have fun, girl.

“I will, thanks. Love you, bye.”

Love you, bye.

You hang up, rubbing your hands on your upper arms to shield yourself from the cold. You need another drink desperately.

You walk back in. The roaring crowd meets your ears immediately. Dim string lights and a couple shots in and things had been going — good.

Relatively good. The best you could hope for out of your Friday night out with the boys.

Joel isn’t being an ass and Tommy is relatively chill so things have been good. It’s fun being out with them. Especially when Tommy might be too distracted by the crowd to see you staring at Joel — the way his biceps stretch the cotton of his t-shirt. The way his lips curl around his glass. The glint in his eyes when he laughs. And you know for certain, Tommy doesn’t notice Joel’s hand resting on your thigh for a couple, fleeting seconds every so often.

You approach the bar and ask for another drink. You’re not sure where you stand with Joel, you two haven’t been afforded much alone time since the phone call. But things might finally feel good. Especially between the brothers.

Maybe it had been way too good — way too calm — because something always had to fuck everything up — and this was that moment.

A long legged blonde walks through the double doors like a scene out of a movie. Somewhere deep down in the teenage part of your psyche, you want to say her clothes are ill-fitting, her lipstick — a garish shade of mauve, her hair — coarse and utterly damaged. But it’s not. She’s none of those things.

She's perfect.

It's been two days since the incident on the phone. Joel and Tommy have been sort of MIA with a big part of their project — coming back home late, when Sarah’s already asleep. You got your car fixed (all on your own) so you leave them with some leftovers on the table as soon as they get back.

“Thanks, sweetheart.”

Joel had said when you pointed out the food on the table last night. You recall everyone’s eyes widening, the pet name slipping from his lips with ease. It sounded like butter to your ears — fighting the urge to smile a mile wide and kiss him like you’ve been begging to do since the day you met. But you knew Tommy noticed, you all noticed. Joel brushed it off with a cough, saying something about how it had been a particularly rough day.

Tommy didn’t say much about it. But he wasn’t acting strange which was good. Even tonight, he’s still acting himself — it’s a bit of a relief.

Even now, when surprisingly, Tommy stands and greets the woman, pulling her into a hug. Joel stands too, though he looks a bit confused.

You stare at them from the bar, Tommy says something to Joel, obviously introducing the blonde to him. Joel’s face contorts into recognition at the name, maybe Tommy has mentioned her before.

You don’t even notice the bartender placing your drink down in front of you, abandoning it and beelining towards them. The drink sweats on the bartop, alone. Forgotten.

“Why don’t you go with Joel?” Tommy says, ushering her towards Joel’s side. “Grab her a drink?”

You look up at Joel in passing, the blonde on his other side, you try to keep your face normal, but a look slithers onto your brow. He knows exactly what you’re trying to say.

What the fuck?

His eyes scrunch for a half second, saying, I don’t know, either and stalks away with the blonde. You watch them leave, but Tommy’s voice snaps you out of your trance, a heavy arm braces itself over your shoulder as you both watch them approach the bar.

“I did good, didn’t I?”

What the fuck.

“What?” you echo your thoughts, looking over at Tommy. He smiles at the pair.

“She’s my next door neighbor. I fixed up her mailbox and got to talkin’ — said I thought she would get along with Joel.”

“You invited her?” you ask, your voice small.

“Yeah,” Tommy laughs and rubs your shoulder. “‘S what I just said, baby.”

Joel looks — you don’t really know what he looks like. He doesn’t look completely uninterested, but you can spot the glint in his eye a million miles away. And when he lacks it too, like right now.

But maybe you like to imagine what his eyes look like — just for you. How you can feel his glances from across a room, how his eyes meet yours through a crowded bar and never let go. Like a string attaches your irises and pulls you, locked together, forever.

It doesn’t seem like he’s looking at her like that but you’re beginning to realize you know nothing of what these boys might do.

It’s not like Joel owes you anything in this moment — and you’re not asking him. You know what he has to do to save both of your asses from Tommy’s precise, unwavering eyes, and he’s doing it. He’s strong — but you’re not sure if you’ve got that kind of fight in you. To let him go, with wandering eyes and wandering, delicate fingers braced all over his body. Maybe this is how he feels — no — now you’re certain your feelings match Joel’s in those fleeting moments when he catches you with Tommy.

It leaves you feeling sick. Guilty? Sure. Sad? Oh, definitely.

Jealous? Yeah. That one.

Even if it might be unrightfully so. But you keep it down the best you can.

“You think they look good together?” Tommy says from the table now. You don’t remember him moving.

“Yeah,” you reply in a soft voice.

He clears his throat when you stare at them for too long.

“Yeah,” you say again, louder, when you turn to him. He smiles back.

“‘S what I thought, too.” he throws some trail mix into his mouth. “Think she might be good for him.”

“Good for him,” you echo, absentmindedly. The only thing you can think about — and look at, for that matter — is the way her manicured fingers brush over his arm, and how he doesn’t push them away.

Good for him.

She seems good for him. Maybe all he needs is a bobbing blonde bimbo in his life. Something to brighten up his day. You thought you were good for him. Thought you were good for his life. Thought you were good for everyone.

But when he laughs a bit — you can’t help but wonder: what do you think you know anymore?

“You alright?”

You snap your head to Tommy again.

You feel like crying but you bite back the desperate tears.

“Yeah,” you say, the feeling in your throat rising with your reply, and even more so with the next. “‘M fine.”

You watch the bartender set a drink down in front of the unnamed woman and she accepts it graciously. The pair begins to walk back, she’s close to Joel’s side. You bite your tongue, whipping out your phone instead to sneak Olivia a sad, solemn text.

You look down, the tears pooling to the front of your eye, momentarily blurring your vision like someone just released a flash bomb in the bar — maybe an ambush — this certainly feels like one.

You can’t really read the legibility of your writing, knowing it's littered with typos, your thumbs moving faster than your mind — saying something about a woman and Joel and almost regrettably because of how in the moment you are right now — how fucking stupid Tommy Miller is — even though you know this is far from his fault.

The pair stands before you. The woman smiles down at you — your body failing to stand until Tommy puts a gentle hand on your shoulder, ushering you up to your feet.

Why is everything coming out of Tommy’s mouth muffled to your ears?

Maybe Joel can see the unshed tears in your eyes, but he stops the introduction on its head — the pity clear in his voice. That you can hear. The honey-rich, southern — homey — sound of his drawl punching through the sound barrier of stupid teenage hurt feelings and childish jealousy wrapped around you like a blanket—

“You alright, sweetheart?”

There it is again. That fucking pet name that holds you in a vice grip, sends shooting electricity down your spine, makes you want to scream out to the entire bar — please — please. Just stop this bullshit, end it. Press rewind to five minutes ago when things seemed to be going good and make this — fucking please — make this stop.

But you don’t say that. The tears recede at his voice, you smile up at him like a scene rehearsed and then back to the blonde. She stares at you, her brow a bit cocked and at his words — you know this is far from the acting normal you and Joel unspokenly try to adhere to. Even in the worst circumstances — like this one.

“Yeah,” you brush him off quickly, he moves to speak but you cut him off, a surprisingly cool tone braced on your lips.

“Nice to meet you,” you smile, taking her hand, telling her your name. “Tommy said you’re his neighbor?”

“Yeah that’s right,” she laughs. “Quite the handyman.”

“I try my best,” Tommy jests from beside you. She laughs.

“Caroline,” she finishes with, dropping your hand. You smile back.

She’s pretty, and nice, and fucking funny and you want to be so fucking mean to her because she’s got her hands all over Joel and she’s insanely gorgeous but you know better. You like to think you're far from your teenage years — even if you feel like you’re drowning in your numbers.

You can see her better in this light.

A lump in your throat forms because what’s even worse than her being pretty is that she looks older.

More like Tommy — more like Joel.

More age appropriate.

Less like you.

“So what do you do?” Caroline says as you all sit.

“Oh. I’m Joel’s nanny—” you stifle an awkward laugh. You’ve never said that out loud.

“Joel needs a nanny?” she bites back with a witty smirk on her face. Everyone laughs.

“I’m Sarah’s babysitter, just got my bachelors in May though,” you laugh back. She nods.

“What did you study?”

“English.”

“Ah. English. Remember those days.”

“What do you do?”

“I’m a journalist. Work for some company no one cares about, blah blah blah. You get it,” she says, sipping on her drink.

Great. Journalist.

“Do you like it?” Tommy asks from beside you. You get lost in her words, not really hearing anything besides how she's better and farther along in a similar field as you.

You mumble something to Tommy about how you need another drink, hopping to the bar when everyone settles into the conversation.

Like clockwork, you can feel Joel’s eyes on you, tracking you across the bar and when you slip further into the crowd.

You push through to get to the bathroom but when you arrive, you freeze.

How could you be so stupid?

You’re surprised the door to that bathroom doesn’t show your fingerprints and scratch marks from the other side. You remember it being nicer than it currently stands before you. A small smile finds its way to your lips at the thought. Everything seems to fade when you think about that night — when you think about how Joel makes you feel.

But you can’t go back in. That would be setting yourself up for the ultimate failure. Disqualifying you from the race because of a faulty start.

You push into the next bathroom, some ways down the small hallway.

The door shuts behind you, a rumbling tune plays through the walls of the bathroom, shaking the mirror and ruining the look you try to get at yourself. You can almost see the fatal flaw written on your face through the rippling glass: the thought that this would ever work out between you and Joel.

The woman beside Joel keeps touching him.

It’s not that it bothers him, particularly. It’s just that he can feel her wanting need pulse off her body like a fire alarm. The thought that he might look her way now is comical. Especially when you slip towards the bathroom. The same fucking bathroom all those weeks ago. Like it’s been sitting here waiting for the two of you to get inside and let hell break loose.

But it stares at Joel and bites back with teeth and fangs when you slip inside. Normally a smirk or even a wide smile would be wedged on his face from the implication. Follow me inside, tell me what you’re thinking with your actions, not words. Pin me up against the wall, let me say your name. Let me tell you I’m yours. But everything about right now screams the opposite of That Night.

It’s different this time. Instead, he can feel the sadness at your greeting and the look in your eye that followed.

Tommy is such a fucking idiot.

Joel’s always known there was a temper on Tommy since they were young. And there has always been that godforsaken sibling rivalry because Tommy turned out to be a good man. And as Joel reasons with himself — maybe Tommy is a better man than he is because all Joel wants to do is follow you into the bathroom, see if you’re alright, ask you to forget about this nonsense and just stay with him. Don’t let this push you to Tommy. Don’t let this ruin everything that’s been building.

Maybe that makes him a bad man for wanting. But maybe it also makes him a good man for not following through.

He can’t even drink anymore. The light beers are clearing from his head, but honestly, he was dead sober at the sight of you with unshed tears in your eyes.

But when you emerge from the bathroom like nothing is wrong, Joel falters. He isn’t sure what to do when you request a drink from the bar — and he isn’t sure what to do when it turns out to be a shot, you down it in one gulp and don’t ask for a chaser.

Maybe you want it to hurt.

It’s the first indication that something — anything — is wrong. And Joel would wager a million on what that something is.

Joel thought it had been clear the night of the dinner at his house. He thought his silent words snuck into Tommy’s brain enough to send a clear signal. Back off, dude.

But apparently it didn’t. Because this woman is sitting next to him, and her hand rests on his knee now. And she keeps snaking her fingers through to rest on his bicep. And he’s just about had enough.

“You should come. Right, Joel?”

“Huh,” he pushes out, looking back to his brother.

“To my party?”

It’s almost like Tommy is pleading with him. And he’s not sure what to say. Of course he doesn’t want her to come. But it’s Tommy’s party and the kick under the table from Tommy’s boot forces the words out of his mouth even though he wants to say the opposite.

“Yeah, sure.”

Tommy gives him a look. Joel knows this woman — Caroline — is nice. Hell, she might’ve even caught his eye if he wasn’t worshiping the ground you walk on. Maybe Tommy knew that too, and that’s why he invited her. She seems nice, and funny, but Joel can’t get you off his mind. The thought of you — like a bee who won’t quit buzzing around a flower.

“Need some water. Y’all want anythin’?”

They shake their heads and give their thanks but Joel wasn’t really paying much attention to them anyways. He can only look around the bar and see an apparent lack of your figure — anywhere.

He stands and searches for you, only to see your figure in a flash, walking towards the entrance. He catches your arm and you turn to him, a feigned, sad smile appears on your face.

Jesus.

You can’t even look him in the eyes — hold the unbreaking eye contact he made a mental note of when you two first met.

“What a’you doin’?” Joel asks, trying to keep his voice from wavering.

“Need some air,” you say.

Joel follows you wordlessly. He doesn’t care if his date or his brother sees him walk you out. It’s nothing to hide from. You guys are — friends.

The cool air hits his skin. He sees that you’re cold, but doesn’t want to hold you against him like he desperately needs to — at the implication that maybe you’d turn him down. Or worse, push him away.

“So…a party,” Joel starts with, grimacing internally at his chosen words.

“Yeah — if you don’t wanna help, you don’t have to. I was just joking in ther—”

Joel cuts you off. It hurts a bit — the thought that you think he wouldn’t want to help you.

“I do — wanna help.”

You smile shyly.

“Pick me up tomorrow? We’ll go shopping.”

“Be there at four, Sarah's goin’ to a friend’s for dinner and a sleepover.”

“She’s got more social battery than me,” you chuckle, looking back into the bar.

“You ‘n me combined — maybe she got it from Tommy.”

“Maybe,” you echo.

Suddenly, the air feels less playful.

“I didn’t know,” Joel starts with because he doesn’t know what else to say. His words make you laugh a bit. He doesn’t know what to do anymore. All he wants is you.

“I know —” another laugh, but he knows you think none of this is funny. “You don’t have to explain yourself.”

Is it just him or is the glint in your eyes gone?

“No, I…Jesus. Tommy just — fuckin’ — I don’t know her, I — know of her. But I didn’t tell him I wanted to meet her.”

“Joel,” you say, your voice breaking a bit. “It’s okay.”

But it’s not okay. He can see that much displayed on your face.

“She seems nice,” you note. His brows furrow because he can tell you’re being genuine. Why does it seem like you want him to admit it too?

“C’mon,” he says, a harsh chuckle in the form of a crisp breath escapes his mouth, pleading with you—

Stop this.

“What do you want me to say?” you whisper, breathless. He stares back at you like he doesn’t know what could possibly be running through your head. You need him to say his truth now. Or honestly? You’re not sure it’ll ever come out and you’ll be left behind forever.

“Anythin’ but that,” he breathes, the air puffs cold around your face.

You want to speak but nothing comes out. You wrap your arms around yourself, the cold biting through your thin top. He looks unmoving and warm. But he stands with his hands shoved in his pockets.

Why isn’t he holding you?

“Well she does,” his brows cock at your words. “Seem nice.”

“I don’t like her. I —”

I like you. I want you. I need you.

It’s on the tip of his tongue. Maybe he’s about to confess and the dam holding all your feelings from the last month will break through. But he’s searching for the words — and that’s when you know. Because he shouldn’t be searching for anything. Not when it comes so easy to you. Not when what he makes you feel is threatening to spill from your lips at every chance you get. He shouldn’t be searching for the right things to say when you can think of a million possibilities.

He steps forward, grabbing your hand in his. His fingers play with yours as you wait with bated breath. Waiting for the —

Be with me, stay with me. Forget about them. Forget about everything. I just need you.

You hold out for one last moment. Maybe he can’t articulate his feelings as well as they ring true in his mind.

You step back a bit, moving to turn, moving to open your body as a silent invitation for him to follow you. Your fingers pull on his a bit towards your direction, pulling him, propelling him towards what you want him to say. But he doesn’t say those words. Instead—

“Where are you goin’?”

Your hand holding his fingers pulls slightly again. A life raft. A beacon of hope. The last twinge that you have to offer him so he can finally break down his walls and be with you.

Because that’s all you want. You just want him.

“Home.”

You say it. It might be the first time since Caroline walked through the doors that he’s looked into your eyes. You’re pleading with him. With every ounce in your body. Just fucking say it.

It's a silent invitation, you ask him with your eyes. And with the fingers pulling at his.

Come with me. To my house, to my bed. Stay with me. Come with me. Leave them behind, and stay the night, stay till the next night too. Forget about the blonde laughing at Tommy’s jokes. Hell, forget about Tommy. Just fucking ditch this hell hole and take me home. And come with me and don’t ever leave.

Please.

But it seems like you both don’t talk as well with your eyes as you thought. And it seems like you don’t know this man in front of you at all.

Because he steps back a bit, nodding, dropping your reaching fingers, and says those fatal words that solidify your fatal flaw.

“I’ll get Tommy to drive you home.”

Joel arrives at Caroline’s house. She somehow convinced him to drop her off at home. She keeps insisting Joel come in for a night cap. But he’s too fucking sad and pissed to even consider speaking to her for another two minutes longer.

His head pounds. But not from the alcohol, from the quiet heartbreak settling in his chest at the memory of your words. At everything that had happened that night. It was meant to be a fun evening. But when he left you outside the bar, and ran to fetch Tommy, he knew this would go down in one of his most regrettable moments. And his most sad, too.

Home.

The word rings in Joel’s ears. But you looked so fucking sad and you were already moving away from him. He had failed to say what he really meant to say — I want you. I just need you.

Maybe that truly was the end and maybe he failed to say what he thought and it turned you off. Made him unwanted in your eyes.

Solidified the fact that he might never be a good man.

Not like Tommy.

But you were turning away — your fingers hanging onto his because he was the one who grabbed your hand first, and pulled you towards him with his fingers, his eyes, with his body — desperately.

You kept pulling away — pulled away with sad eyes and he desperately wanted you to stay but he couldn’t make you do anything. Not when you look like that and you sound equally sad and broken.

So he thought of what you deserve. Maybe even what you wanted at that moment.

He finally dropped your hands, the warm spots your fingers held — were trapped under, brushed against the cold and Joel shivered.

“I’ll get Tommy to drive you home.”

He said it, but didn’t want to act on his words. He wanted to be the one to drive you home and to slip into your house, then maybe into your bed after that.

But he wasn’t — you didn't want him to.

He was sitting in the truck outside Caroline’s house as she pulls all her best tricks to get him to come inside.

But he brushes them all off, and drives back in silence until he slumps in bed.

“Fuckin’ — sit up, Jesus,” Tommy says, pulling your body upright in the passenger seat of the truck.

You grumble with him.

“‘M fine laying down. Stop micromanaging me.”

You’re drunk.

The shot you took before talking to Joel outside the bar was beginning to take root. And all the other shots after that, when Tommy ushered you in to grab one last drink, and you just happened to down three more before leaving.

“‘M not — mircomana— you’re a fuckin’ piece of work.”

You smile lazily at him.

“Like you aren’t?”

He laughs back.

There's a tense silence after Joel’s name pops up on Tommy’s phone that sits comfortably on the center dash.

Tommy speaks first.

“What’d you and Joel talk about?”

“Oh, nothing,” you say, his head twitching a bit at your too-broad, overarching answer. “Your party,” you say when you think he might pry too much.

“Joel isn’t gonna help you with that, you know.”

His words make you freeze. Joel actually was going to help — or was supposed to before the shit show outside the bar.

“We’ll see. Can do it on my own too, though.”

“Thanks again for offering, I — I know it’s dumb.”

“‘S not dumb. ‘N I wanted to do it,” you say, shrugging your shoulders.

“Well thanks anyways.”

You hum in response, looking out the window into darkness.

“What’d you think of Joel’s date?”

Your eyes widen and suddenly, you don’t feel as drunk, sitting up a bit at his question.

“That’s what it was? A date?” you say with a nervous chuckle.

“I guess,” he laughs. “Don’t know what else to call it.”

“She’s nice,” you say, echoing your words to Joel. Somewhere in the back of your mind you note how that sends a pang to your chest.

“I don’t know if he was interested,” Tommy notes.

That doesn’t really give you as much relief as you would’ve hoped for. You’re not hurt because of Caroline. You’re hurt because of everything that happened after. When you tried to get him to take you home, and he pulled away.

Tommy continues when you don’t respond.

“Took her home though.”

Now that sends a shooting throb to your heart.

Like it’s saying Of course he did. Even though that doesn’t seem very much like Joel at all.

“Really?”

“Yup. ‘N I think she’s comin’ to the party. Seemed excited ‘bout it.”

“Oh,” you reply dumbly. You’re sure that’s not helping your case when trying to be indifferent about Joel’s dating life.

Tommy pulls up to your driveway.

Tense silence follows after he puts the truck in park.

“Is that — like — an issue?”

Your heart starts beating a little bit faster.

“No, why would it be?”

“Just wonderin’,” he says with a sigh.

“Is it an issue for you?”

“No. Think she’s good for him.”

There it is again.

Good for him.

Are you not good for him?

You brush it off quickly, moving to unlatch your seatbelt.

“Thanks for the ride,” you say, but Tommy’s hand reaches out and stops your movements. You tentatively look up, scared of what might be looking back. He looks a bit pained, or maybe scared — though his hardened brow doesn’t give much emotion.

“I had fun tonight — you looked — look good,” he says, pulling you a little closer, he’s starting to dip his head ever so slightly. If you weren’t paying him so much attention you might not have even noticed his movements.

You don’t pull away.

That would be the end of everything with your friendship. But you would be lying if you said you weren’t terrified — apparently the look is clearly etched on your face.

He laughs a bit suddenly, pulling away.

“Jesus.”

“What – what’s wrong?”

“Nothin’. I —” he pauses for a long time.

You’re scared of what he might say.

“Can I…can I take you out? Like — just the two of us?”

You stare at him with wide eyes. You force yourself to breathe, a couple short puffs of air slip past your lips.

“Oh, I — like you want to go out for food?”

“Food,” he huffs out a short breath mixed with a chuckle. It makes your breath hitch, the uncertainty and knowing he’s acting so strange right now.

“No, like — like a date. I guess.”

chapter v. just you

taglist! comment or message me if you want to be added. (for this series, i took the liberty of adding you to the taglist if you commented that you wanted more parts on chaser. you can let me know if you want to be taken off) kisses!

@sofiparallel @akah565 @going-to-californiaxx @gintheginger @defnotashifter @missgurrl @daddy-din @earthtogrogu @rooney-verse @ratoonstown @skysmiller @pedritosdarling @lovely-ateez @pluzo @spongebobspooploop

@ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @tsunamistorm123 @awhoreforalotofshows @disassociation-daydreams @anoverwhelmingdin @violinchick @rhoorl @yoongjennie88 @rainbowcosmicchaos @akah565 @pedropascalissofine @purplemechanics @suzmagine @untamedheart81 @hellaradd @josephine1837 @noisynightmarepoetry @lawh0re

@joelsversion @hellaradd @vanillen @brujitafantomatico @cartoon-garbage04 @jpbplvr @whattownheadshake @beccerjune @pedrotonin @sen-mirjahaal @awesomebunnyqueen @bluetattoos @sunnysaphira @vickywallace @bbyanarchist @gossipgirl-03 @casa-boiardi

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osachiyo · 4 months

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What are some of your favourite fics on Tumblr? It could be any fandom

im so sorry for taking THIS long on this 😭

but anyways, im in love with desperate times call for desperate measures by my moot @/ravencincaide. the angst hurts SO bad but it keeps me coming back for more 😭 she did a wonderful job on this !

im pretty sure ive re-read glass table girl by @/ghostarii at least 27 times. it's written SO well and made me less salty about losing my 50/50 with blade !

i miss when we first met by @/kentopedia is probably one of the best bungo stray dogs fics I've read not only on tumblr but like in my entire life. rylie did an AMAZING job portraying the characters, and ugh the plot too ! 100/10 would recommend.

like many other people in the jjk fandom, i too, have a HUGE thing for satosugu. and this fic by @/nanaslutt made me so damn weak in the knees ! there's also a part two, if you wanna check that out ! they're an amazing amazing writer, is all i have left to say :)

if you hadn't figured it out already, im a huge fan of @/honeydazai's works. all of her work is worth reading ! vee is absolutely phenomenal in portraying the characters ! she inspired me to make my own bsd blog, actually <3 give her stuff a reading if you haven't already lol

all of @/cherikolya or @/doukeshi-kun's works have me on my knees, especially their stalker nikolai au ! hands down one of the best bsd series i've read.

a bumpy ride by @/blkkizzat. no other words needed. you'll know how fucking amazing it is after reading it i swear on every god out there 💯💯

we all know how great of a writer user @/osaemu is ! all of sabrina's works are phenomenal, but she just wrote chuuya so goddamn well in wrong place right time, i began foaming at the mouth when i first read it !

i could read @/yokohamapound's works all day long (as if i haven't already) but this and this fic of theirs are my all time favorites ! they write fyodor so well, it's practically canon imo !

these are not ranked by how much i enjoyed them or anything ! i just mentioned the ones i remembered here, this list will probably get updated in the future !

#𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐃... ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 #𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ 𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐞𝐝... ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 #these are in NO WAY in any order !!!#thank you to all the wonderful writers for creating these masterpieces #🩷🩷🩷

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fuckalicent · 10 months

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hotd ao3 recs that make me slightly feral

it’s finally here!!! i will potentially be adding to this in the future so keep an eye out <3 also this may not stick only to hotd and extend to the wider asoiaf world.

baby teeth by zoe_millin_writes

aemond x helaena. incredibly written aemond character analysis. chapters are from aemond’s pov throughout his childhood and into his adulthood and his trauma surrounding sex, his parents, his injury etc etc is so incredibly and profoundly done. i don’t think i’ve read anything more beautiful and intense. there is also one helaena pov and my god is it so amazingly written. the characterisation and details are out of this world. definitely read all the warnings because it is very intense and potentially triggering. the exploration of aemond’s relationship with religion and by extension his mother and sister is done so well and genuinely what kept me tied to this fic.

see, what had happened was… by daylander

aemond x rhaena. from rhaena’s pov. i can’t remember it all as vividly as i should because i read it a while ago but god is it a delight. it’s funny, sad, amusing, entertaining & overall just so incredible. there is so much about rhaena’s experience living without her sister for so long on dragonstone and how it impacts her relationship with baela. so much about her relationship with daemon and by extension the velaryon/targaryen relations. just so so great. the scenes with rhaena and aemond are just.. chef’s kiss. they’re my favourite chaotic childhood friends to… whatever they are LMAO

spring’s end by navree

oneshot (9k words) from alicent’s pov about the lead-up to her wedding to viserys. made me wince more than a few times just because she deserved so much better :( the way her relationships with rhaenyra, her father, viserys & even criston (although brief) are shown is so beautiful and haunting to me.

would that they were not by navree

i fucking cried. a oneshot (7k words) about the fateful encounter with blood and cheese. so beautifully written and the relationships between the kids, alicent, cole and otto are described so heartbreakingly.

in your grave by 136108

This is the thing you married, the voice in the back of her head whispered gleefully. You saw its pretty smile and its dainty hands and so you dragged it into your bed and upon your cock and trusted that it could never hurt you. You bred it like a bitch and you promised to cut out its tongue and all this time you should have been worried about its teeth. But you did not and now it will leech your throne and your legacy and its pretty mouth will swallow the House of the dragon whole.

SO FUCKING CATHARTIC!!! we deserved vengeful evil alicent and i’m forever mad we didn’t get her… season 2 will be her moment trust. this is a short yet incredibly impactful piece about alicent visiting viserys on his death bed. amazingly written and the most satisfying thing ever.

5 times alicent and criston almost kissed and the 1 time they almost didn’t by gracelesson

I FUCKING CRIED!!!!!!!!!!!! most healing comforting beautiful thing ive read in a while oh my god op is crazy talented i’m in awe. the way s/a, marriage, sexuality & growing up were handled here were literally incredible and i cant even begin to express how much i love this. this is a modern au and it’s probably very different from whatever you’re expecting. i adore the dynamics shown between alicent, cole & her children ugh i swear i feel giddy all over. beautiful.

my hand was the one you reached for by nuncasais

literally the best. snapshots of alicent, criston, and her kids’ lives at the keep during the time jump. i love these types of fics that cover unseen periods of time — the detail and thought gone into each chapter is incredible and so so meticulous. chapters are from either criston or alicent’s pov’s. beware u might (definitely) cry.

#recs #hotd #hotd fic recs #ao3 #ao3 recs #aemond targaryen #team green #alicent hightower #helaena targaryen #aegon ii targaryen #criston cole #guess my favourite characters challenge (extremely hard)

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cloudcountry · 1 year

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Hi!!! Congratulations on 1K followers! 🎉🎉 I initially was just gonna stick to lurking and reading 'cause I'm not really used to interacting with strangers on the internet - it makes me feel a bit shy, but since I have the motivation to, I just wanted to say thatI really really love reading and re-reading ur stories. I wanted to thank you for the content and for being so awesome 🫶🫶

May I request something with Ruggie + cupid? Or ruggie + 💞

I hope you have a nice day!! 💙 congratulations again 🎉🎉

thank you!!! :D i understand being shy all too well but if you ever want to interact with me please don't hesitate too!! <3 ehhehfefh IM GLAD :((((( i get so happy when ppl tell me they reread my stuff bc thats like !!!! omg !!!!!!!!!!!!!! people come back to their favorite things ive written!!!!!!!!! gahhH!!!!!!!!!!!!! youre so sweet anon thank you so muuuuch <333 !!!

this turned into ace being insufferable and grim being slightly less insufferable and i went SO overboard oopsie

RUGGIE BUCCHI + 💞 (1k event details)

~~~~~

Honestly, it was only a matter of time before your friends started to get suspicious. You and Ruggie could only sneak around for so long, brushing up against each other in the hallways and linking pinkies while you walked. He could only steal so many sneaky hugs under stairwells and on trips to Sam’s Shop until your friends noticed you’d been gone more than usual.

It’s not like you two were keeping your affection for each other a secret on purpose. It just happened that way.

“Come on, tell us!” Ace huffs, though it sounds more like a whine from where you’re standing, “We deserve to know what you’ve been up to this past week!”

“Uh, no you don’t.” you shoot back, shaking your head adamantly.

“Just say it. We’ll stop bothering you then!” Ace snickers, aiming an undeserved jab at your side.

“It’s none of your business.” you say, turning away. That was supposed to be the end of the conversation, but—

“You don’t have a boyfriend, right?’ Grim blurts, blinking up at you.

You sputter, and Ace nearly falls over in shock.

“You what?!” he gasps, placing a hand over his heart, “Prefect, how could you!?”

Well, you suppose it was only a matter of time before someone found out.

“Like I said, none of your business. Now goodbye, Ace.” you grab his wrist and tug him towards Ramshackle’s front door.

“Who is it? Is it Trey? Cater? Oh, please don’t tell me it’s Deuce!” Ace babbles, trying to yank his wrist out of your hold, “It better not be Riddle!”

“He isn’t even in Heartslabyul!” you throw your free hand into the air, exasperated.

“Savanaclaw?” Ace guesses, staring you down eagerly.

You say nothing.

“Ruggie!” Grim yells, flailing his little paws in the air, “You’re dating Ruggie!”

“Ugh, no! We aren’t dating yet!” you whip around to face Grim, a sour look on your face.

“Yet?!” Ace shrieks, and you’re certain he couldn’t get any louder.

You smack your palm against your forehead and silently accept your fate.

#auburn's 1k event <3 #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst x reader #disney twst #twst #ruggie fluff #ruggie bucchi fluff #ruggie bucchi x reader #ruggie bucchi #ruggie x reader #BE PREPAREDDDDDD #for ace and grim to be shitty wingmen

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halfmoth-halfman · 1 year

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y'all know what time it is! it's monthly fic rec time!!!

i decided to move this to the first so i wouldn't miss any fics that might be posted on the last day of each month!!

& a small, kinda sad update:

usually this is where i'd link to my fic-recs blog, but i hit the character limit on my filter page where i have my recs organized and when i made a new page it saved over the first one.

all of my filters and recs on that page are now gone and have to be manually re-done. you can still find my recs by scrolling through the blog, but the filter page is going to be under construction until i can get everything fixed and re-added!!

Alex Keller

❀ click click boom - @writeforfandoms

i don't see a lot of alex fics, so this was already a fav as soon as i saw it, but then i read it and ???? hello???? this was so good??? the characterization of alex alone was amazing, and the rest was like the cherry on top!!

❀ convallaria majalis - @nightingale-ghost-writer

19.2k words of absolute perfection. a fic i have been looking forward to and now that it's out, i just can't get enough of it! did i have to take breaks while reading so i could twirl my hair and kick my feet? yes. was it worth every second? yes.

Arthur Morgan

❀ the fire in your eyes || part VII: horseshoe overlook iii | part VIII: horseshoe overlook iv | part IX: horseshoe overlook v - @cowboydisaster

if there's one character i love more than anything in the world, it's arthur morgan and this series has only made my love for him that much stronger. so beautifully written, i couldn't stop reading-the whole time with a smile on my face. the entire bar scene in part vii??? i was crying with laughter. this is def one of my fav series i've ever read and i am on the edge of my seat waiting for more!

Carlos Oliveira

❀ the way we let it stay - @uselsshuman

this is a fair warning right now that most of the resident evil fics on this list are going to be from em. she has single-handedly ignited my hyperfixation for RE and all of her fics are incredible. including this one!

❀ old wounds new loves - @uselsshuman

i love little cute domestic fics, and carlos is so real for not liking cereal. “Waking up and eating a bowl of cold soggy food? No, thank you.” i feel that on such a spiritual level. also protective!carlos is just the best!!

Javier Peña

❀ arepas - @mvtthewmurdvck

i know i already went feral over this fic, but i'm going to do it again because i love this fic so goddamn much!! this fic is incredible, the way everything feels so natural between javi and reader, the teasing, the friends to lovers trope, everything about this is just so beautiful!!

❀ a broken sight - @mvtthewmurdvck

i don't understand how you can write a character so perfectly. i will never not be amazed by the way you write javi. and the angst??? ugh "He’s here. Like you needed him to be." don't mind the noise that's just me sobbing in the corner.

❀ the dreams we made - @mvtthewmurdvck

there's nothing like a good ol' helping of jo angst. this hurt in all the right ways, completely ripped my heart out and shattered it only to put all the pieces back together again and fill the cracks in with gold.

❀ nowhere to run || file room + accusations | sunshine yellow | a new day - @mvtthewmurdvck

the series that got me into narcos, i actually started watching the show just so i could read the perfection that is this series!! am i potentially spoiling things for myself a little bit? yes, but it's absolutely worth it because this series has me by the throat.

Joel Miller

❀ want. - @mvtthewmurdvck

literal poetry best described by this gif:

John "Soap" MacTavish

❀ none lacking sins - @halcyone-of-the-sea

listen, i like soap. he's not my fav, but he's a really good character. this fic though? it's moved soap up to my top five favorite characters. this made me want to read nothing but soap. i must've read this a dozen times, i was immediately sent into a soap hyperfixation. every aspect of this fic is just amazing. stunning. perfect.

❀ the hanging tree - @writeforfandoms

had me on the edge of my damn seat trying to figure out what was going. the worry and the tension built up so wonderfully i was dying to know what was about to happen and omg i was not disappointed. and the way jen writes soap is just *chef's kiss*

❀ i will wait - @mvtthewmurdvck

this fic had me realize how much i crave soft!soap and just fluff with soap in general. the tender moments warm my heart up something fierce and make me all giddy. like waking up to the perfect sunrise.

John Price

❀ puppy love || one | two | three | four - @writeforfandoms

puppies and price? what more could someone ask for? these two are so cute together and with the added cuteness of the puppies (and gaz lol) it's just an overload of cuteness in the best possible way!

❀ scratches in the surface - @halcyone-of-the-sea

was not expecting a part two to one of my favorite price fics, but damn if this wasn't a fantastic surprise. the angst is top-tier here and as much as it hurt, i couldn't stop reading and will probably read it again a million more times.

❀ neon medusa || part 1: static in the airways | part 2: warning signs - @yeyinde

CYBERPUNK!AU????? WITH PRICE????? WRITTEN BY YEYINDE???? SIGN ME TF UP!!! i am feral, consumed by how excited i am for this series and how utterly fantastic it's been so far. i will never get tired of lev's fics, and how gorgeous her writing is.

❀ untitled - @lunarvicar

okay this was adorable. the way price drops everything to get to her apartment, immediately ready to protect her is just sooo perfect. and her being freaked out by ghost adventures?? asdasljlsjd relatable.

❀ untitled - @yeyinde

i live for domestic bliss, and this fic just scratched that itch so well. there's something so comforting and homey about this fic, just the quiet intimacy between price and reader, the cute back and forth, this line: “Gaz said I looked like an Edwardian lord—” an absolute comfort fic if i've ever read one.

❀ comforts of home - @halcyone-of-the-sea

this fic had me weak, literally struggling to read cause i was too busy looking like this at my phone

❀ barking dog - @yeyinde

jealous!price is not something i see often, but damn if i don't want to see more of it after reading this. i am obsessed with the way lev writes price, how real and natural and captivating he is in her fics.

❀ wicked pyre - @yeyinde

you can't just give me dragon!price and expect me not to love it. i am so feral for monster!au's and this is saldkjaslda i can't be normal after reading this, i am feral, so enraptured by this fic and the entire concept of dragon!price.

❀ origami boats - @halcyone-of-the-sea

a sequel to the best price fic of all time???? say less. this fic was in my top three before i even started reading, i just knew it was going to be good. well, it wasn't just good, it was great. stunning. heart-breaking in a way that gives you the best kind of hurt.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

❀ high hopes - @writeforfandoms

gaz my sweet mans. as one of my favorite characters, i tend to be picky with my gaz fics, but this fic right here? loved it. adored it. read it six times with a bigger smile on my face each time.

❀ cult of vagabonds || prologue | landless gull | snail & thrush - @halcyone-of-the-sea

not only is this a gaz series, but it's one written by halcyone who can never write a bad fic. this is immaculate. i can't even describe how much i love this series so far and how much i can't wait to see where it goes!

❀ boom - @sleepiexx

ok but like this was so good?? the tension, the desperation, the way gaz was so ready to die with her. i'm shook. and that ending???? i’m giggling, i’m blushing, i’m re-reading this fic a million more times.

Leon Kennedy

❀ leon kennedy masterlist - @uselsshuman

i'm gonna be real here for a second, this entire section was 99% made up of em's leon fics. i couldn't choose which ones to add, which ones were my favorite, because i loved them all. so i'm just putting a link to her leon masterlist, because every single one of those fics deserves to be seen and read and given all of the love that they deserve.

❀ enough || one | two | three | final - @uhlunaro

i have one word for this series: wow. just wow. i have never been more thankful to find a series after it was already done because i would've gone crazy waiting to see what happened next! which part was my favorite? all of them. every single one. the hurt, the dialogue, just the way leon is written. i'm speechless.

Simon "Ghost" Riley

❀ exit row || exit row, part iii | exit row, part iv- @lunarvicar

the phrase "post-dick flashback" will live rent free in my head until the day i die, i was wheezing. i'm convinced there isn't a character nat can't make me love, because her portrayal of ghost here?? 🔥🔥🔥

❀ happiness || diamond ring | fearless | - @lethalchiralium

more of my favorite family man!simon series!!!!!! yesssss!!!!! i swear with every new addition, i just love this series more and more. i am so stressed reading it, but i love every second of it.

❀ the effect you have - @mvtthewmurdvck

screaming, crying, throwing up. how do you do it, jo? how do manage to make me hurt and heal my heart so beautifully in every single fic? how dare you, but also thank you so much.

❀ the captain || part 6 | part 7 | thunder - @as-is-above-so-below

omg i can't. y'all can't just keep giving a+ quality family man!ghost fics and expect me to be normal. you can't just give me cute shit like:

“Gaz frug.”

and not expect me to be like:

also, i am absolutely in love with freyja. the way her relationship is written with ghost and the kids is so lovely and has me kicking my feet and twirling my hair.

❀ ghost at the beginning of your relationship - @angelltheninth

cute. adorable. sweet. i love me some good fluff and even more so soft!ghost and this was the perfect combination of both of them! and simon having "guard dog energy" is so funny and so correct.

❀ ménage || refuge | resolution - @lilywastaken

my new go-to for simon fics. the relationship between simon and reader and between simon and the 141 are both so great. and oh my god that wild ride of emotions i went during part five had me stressed tf out i couldn't stop reading! such a great and fun series.

❀ making progress - @constantcrisis19

"dragged into the CoD fandom kicking and screaming" and still delivering an absolutely amazing fic. the teasing, the small talk, the faint smile?? incredible. the entire conversation about powerful music?? fantastic.

#moth fic recs #fave fics #monthly fic recs

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heymacy · 1 month

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thank you so much for your answer! i actually didn’t expect such a in depth response— it actually made me kind of excited to rewatch the show so that i can give those seasons a try! i watched shameless as it was airing around s3 so it was really hard for me to cope with the idea of watching ian ‘moving on’ and bashing mickey without knowing he would be back etc. but i guess it should be time to face that considering who he gets married to! tho, if it’s okay, i wanted to ask more cause i love to see your take on it! for what ive gathered caleb cheated on ian with a girl saying it ‘didn’t count’, but was he also the one who told ian to try to be with a girl? cause i remember seeing something about it and it really pissed me off that ian even went and ‘tried’, considering s1 was him being very vocal about non being into girls! as for trevor, i did know about the monica ‘get over it’ clip because i always see people comparing it to how mickey has always been supportive no matter what (of course!!!) and also how trevor kind of forced himself on ian. i wanted to know what’s your opinion on those relationships of his, especially trevor cause it seems like it’s been the most controversial one as he spent two seasons around him. it’s funny in a way because the writers didn’t want mickey back but they still made every love interests ian had to be ‘wrong’ and showing everything that mickey would never do! also, this is out of pettiness mostly but considering all those seasons are about his bipolar disorder, does ian ever say that to his partners as a way to break up? or can i have a little of happiness thinking he just really wanted to protect who matters the most *cough* mickey *cough*. again, thank you for taking your time answering my question, i loved reading it!

hello again! more under the cut bc i'm quite chatty :)

first of all, yes, the "it doesn't count" + trying to have sex with a girl thing is true, and it honestly never felt very in-character for me. it was definitely A Choice on behalf of the writers. in fact, he gargles with mouthwash afterwards (or maybe it's vodka, i can't remember) and says "i think i have PTSD", which (of course) is meant to be humorous, but i do think it was a very jarring and confusing experience for him.

ohhhhhhh boy. the trevor of it all. well, let's begin by saying that there's a lot of controversy surrounding trevor. there are some really rancid anti-trevor takes that i don't agree with, primarily the ones rooted in transphobia, which i think is disgusting and abhorrent. i think people are generally either very anti-trevor or pretty neutral on him. i don't think anyone out there is singing his praises, or at least i've never heard a take like that in the time i've been in the fandom. as for me & my opinion, i think he is an incredibly frustrating, pretentious, self-serving character and he irritates me deeply. i think that while he could have been a good friend to ian, he fucked things up by trying to be his boyfriend. they were incompatible from the start and i honestly don't know why they started anything in the first place. like i know why, i just don't understand it. they had no spark. they had no connection. their only commonalities were that they were 1) both gay and 2) into advocating for homeless + at-risk youth. and that's like, it. they had friendly coworker energy, not electric, bone-shattering chemistry. my rating? 0/10 stars. i was very happy when he was written off and ian was left to sort his shit out on his own, unencumbered by a dissatisfying, toxic relationship.

and caleb.......ugh. fucking caleb! i'm surprised he doesn't get vertigo from riding such a high horse. he treated ian like an accessory and consistently put him in uncomfortable situations for no reason other than his own pleasure and/or to manipulate other people. the ONLY good thing he did was lead ian down the EMT path, and that is it. otherwise he was quite literally the worst. imagine cheating on someone and then being like "actually, this is a you issue." alexa, define "cold-blooded" 🙄

to answer your question, ian never credits his bipolar disorder when ending things with any other partner, no. trevor ended because ian ran off with mickey and lied to him about it/cheated on him (though they did spend another season in each other's lives in a really strange capacity, which was an interesting choice by the writers) and caleb ended because he cheated on ian. caleb was a clean break whereas trevor was super messy and drawn-out. but no, he doesn't talk about wanting to protect them from his disorder during their breakups. he tells them both about it early on, is transparent about it, and expresses his concerns about it being a lot to handle, but it isn't credited as the reason for the breakups, no.

i think when it comes to ian protecting mickey from his disorder, it's important for us to view things through an ian-centric lens. why did he do what he did? was it solely to protect mickey, or was it coming from a place of insecurity? a place where he felt like a burden? a place where he felt hopeless and aimless and scared? post-episode and post-diagnosis, it's very common to fall into what i like to call The Pit, which is essentially a shallow bed of self-loathing and the desire to self-isolate away from everyone and everything. we see a lot of that in the end of s5 and the beginning of s6. he's made himself very small, is afraid to do nearly anything for fear of further destruction, and feels incredibly trapped and frightened by his circumstances. all of these factors contribute to his behaviors and choices, including (but not limited to) breaking up with mickey. did he end things because he didn't want mickey to spend his life coping with the realities of loving someone with this disorder? yes. but he did what he did because he was scared. and i think it's really important we make that distinction when talking about and analyzing that storyline.

as always, if there's anything you want to talk about or if you have any other questions you are always welcome in my inbox! i hope you're having a lovely day 💛

#sorry it took me so long to answer this i have just not been feeling very Articulate lately!#it took me a minute to compose my Thoughts on some very controversial topics lmao #but i am satisfied with the result #thanks for coming back and chatting with me!#macy babbles #anons

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dazed--xx · 10 months

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What are your favorite Hyunjin five you’ve read?

Lol this is a long list but if you’re asking for series then my favs are (in no particular order)

Watercolor by @jinhyun ( ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH THIS SERIES!! Lol and the writer knows it. I will recommend this to literally everyone if I had to choose a number one of my favs this would definitely be a contender. Female lead is cute and determined and Hyunjin….JESUS Hyunjin made me want to put my head through the wall at one point but he was literally just adorable after certain events. It’s so good full of Fluff angst and then occasional smut but not really a lot so good.)

Star lost with you and Only fools fall for you by @hyunjinspark (this counts as one cause it’s the same writer 😭) (I COULD GO ON FOR HOURS ABOUT ONLY FOOLS ITS LITERALLY AMAZING AND FRUSTRATING AT THE SAME TIME. Full of angst and smut if that’s your thing I really like this fic cause I’m in love with the enemies to lovers trope it’s so well written and I just can’t get over it. STAR LOST is still being written and the last update made me cry 😭 it draws you in and has so much going on I’m so invested like these people are real)

The guy next door- @jl-micasea-fics (so one of my favorite movies in the entire world is the girl next door and I could tell off rip this has the same concept. Love Hyunjin in this yet I just absolutely hate porn names lol 😂 only thing that makes me cringe is the porn names but you have to have that in this it’s amazingly written and heartbreaking and ugh you’ll dream about Hyunjin tbh 😭)

Jealousy is…. And Goodnight moon by @whatsk-poppinhomies(jealousy is…is the first part goodnight moon is like the second part it’s so damn good) (THESE ARE YANDERE FICS AND THEYRE THE BEST ONES IVE EVER READ DONT ONLY READ HYUNJINS READ THEM ALL THEYRE SO FUCKING CAPTIVATING AND UGHHHHHHHH IM LITERALLY OBSESSED WITH THIS WRITER AND YOU SHOULD JUST CHECK OUT ALL OF THEIR WORKS BUT THIS SERIES MAKES YOUR HEART POUND AND GIVES YOU LIFE ANGSTY AF AND THE GUYS ARE WALKING RED FLAGS BUT YOU BECOME SO OBSESSED WITH IT THAT ITS OKAY)

Maybe it’s not our fault by @cosmic-railwayxo (incomplete 🥲🥲🥲 unfortunately but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth the wait if the writer gets back to it it’s so good. Exes au tbh and I love it so much there’s so many misunderstandings and heartbreak yet there’s fluffy warm moments ugh you’ll be rooting for them for such a long time and always find yourself looking back to see an update cause you have to see what happens next. I love every character in this and idek why they’re so compelling and just make you feel so many things)

Lol as you can see I couldn’t just pick 5 fics so I picked 5 writers 😭 but I find myself just enjoying a whole bunch of stuff and there’s one fic that I literally can’t find it’s older and about hyunjin but I think the writer deactivated it’s my fav fic and I’ll describe it for you but I wish I could link it cause it would be my legit number one but it’s about a struggling relationship with hyunjin he’s been distant not answering calls texts and the reader decided she had enough so she asks to take a break and he begs her not to, that he wants to be with her and he’s sorry so she gives him a second chance. Her best friend is Chan and there’s multiple parts to it. At one part they go to some party or something and hyunjin gets jealous she was hanging out with Chan so he makes it seem like he was flirting with some girl and the reader sees and storms out Chan gets rightfully pissed and tells him he fucked up for the last time and ugh it’s so angsty and good they do end up together but I can’t ever find it but I hope you enjoy reading those if you haven’t and if you have lmk which ones you like

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ssreeder · 3 months

Note

HELLO

I didnt see that there was an update until now and i dont feel like discording and i just read the new chapter so here i am with my few main points bc i dont feel like doing a full live reaction👍👍🫶

Seeing Jeeto come into play in any capacity at all makes me feel like a proud parent watching their children grow. Its always wonderful like those are my emotional support middle aged fictional men. I watched them go from conspiracy to getting crumbs to now their "dates" and gossiping together. Youve gotta love it. Those are my children. Im so proud of them. But im also scared because you killed shen so obviously my feeligns mean nothing to you 🙄😒😒. (Im never going to get over that, im going to be 80 years old in some pst apocolypic enviroment with horrors all around me, but im going to be having nightmares about shen. Ill send you my therapy bill) (im going to get a tattoo in his memory istg)

Also its always really subtle but its funny to see your specific linguistical patterns in liab esp because i can never really explain it. Like ill read a random sentence and be like 'yeah that seems like sreeder wrote it' i just think its neat.

I also really loved zukka this chapter. But i always lovr zukka so its not a surprise. But espesially this chapter because its mostly soft zukka.

"Do you think we will stay together" NO Zukko divorce 🔫🔫. 🙅🏻🔥🔥🔥🙅🏾

The 'moving forward' ness of zukka in liab is so nicely written. Like ive been reading liab since (almost) the beginning and it has been a ride and its starting to feel more conclusive and that is SCARY but its also nice because you write it very well and i adore the way you write trauma and the healing of it and the ups and downs and the two steps forward two steps backness. Its very lovely.

I knew ara was going to have a suicide attempt (esque situation (idk if that counts)) i called it i win.

Idc what others say ara will always be amazing. I love her character SO MUCH

i feel like you can always tell the strengths of a writer in the way they write complicated characters and the way you write ara is very telling of that. Like the fragility and also harshness used for her is very realistic and i always enjoy her parts so much.

Like her deciding to move on independant of how zuko or sokka feel about it is and regardless of whether people thinks she 'deserves it' is immaculate.

And thats a good example on your specific strengths as the author of liab (being able to handle delicate situations well, and realistically and make them very thought out and not rushed, stuff like that).

But her 'i need to start getting along with other girls' is great because like,, RHATS SO TRUE. she is genuienlly one of my favorite characters of all time, i could write essays on why i love her. Exquisite.

REHO MENTION 🥳🥳💪💪💪💪

Thats my emotional support woobified early 20 something year old man. I adore him. If 30 people love reho i am one of them, if one person loves reho i am them if 0 people love reho i am dead (rip rehoes 😔) i will defend his (and aras) good names until i die.

Amazing chapter as always 10/10 *chefs kiss* im so excited for the series to finish and see what you do with everyone and the rest of the storylines and such.

Every time I think of Shen’s death I think of your utter devastation & how I wasn’t expecting you to be so distraught over it. I will say I had another commenter lately who was talking about how much they liked Shen & wanted an Iroh/Shen/Zuko dynamic and I kept thinking…. Damn it buddy, you’re going to be soooo mad at me in a few chapter haha…. oops.

ugh my linguistic patterns haunt me and I specifically ask my betas to check for them because I feel sooooo repetitive sometimes especially when there’s a lot of introspection lol. So it’s funny you mentioned that lol.

Omg I remember when I was still on RIA & someone in the server was like “dude I’m rooting for some jeeto.” & I was like oh no how do they know??? I created this fun divide between hakoda and bato just to push Bato into Jees arm!! Don’t spoil it haha, but whatever at least Dentys dead

Awwww thanks for the compliments it means a lot coming from you <3 but also yeah Ara is my delicate dumpster fire who says she going to make her existence everyone’s problem (most importantly sokka because damn girl could just LEAVE but she refuses lol) I love it. She’s fun, and any scene with her expect utter chaos haha.

every time I write Reho in a scene my mind says and the crowd goes wild,,, he’s annoying but I’m glad you like him.

thanks for this amazing ask you’re awesome

#Haha maxxxxx you’re so funny #I am forever a fan of Ara and her ability to harass sokka while constantly saying she’s not going to harass sokka #Zuko: “I just…. Never want to see you again”#Ara: got it ok so I’ll go make friends with sokkas sister and hangout with the water tribe healers and suki and -#No wonder sokka starts foaming at the mouth every time he sees her #I still don’t think zuko has nearly as big of a problem with Ara as sokka does #I truly think she’s just “that bitch from prison”#& sokkas got like 43 fake scenarios saved in his head of how things could have been different or how he would get his revenge #Anywayyyyyy I like Ara she’s fun #& Katara deserves to have some fun!#Thanks for the ask max sorry it took me so long to answer I’m a loser I have no excuses #LIAB #leaving it all behind #ITF #ask #Maaaxx

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sade-alicious · 2 years

Text

summer reading list except byler edition (all AO3) - im still reading new fics btw so there’ll be updates on this post (updated 10/22)

——————

a dream always the same

Mike learns more about himself in four months than he has in fourteen years and comes to realise that he's fallen in love with his best friend.

A four part historically accurate coming of age story set between July and October 1985.

this one is my number one, its set between the battle of starcourt and when the byers move away, its from mikes pov and not short of amazingly written, it includes all of the canon events in the show towards the end of the s3 finale but manages to tie them in really well, absolutely read this

——————

over a bridge of time

Hawkins isn't the same without Will. So Mike goes to visit him in Chicago.

Set during Thanksgiving in November 1985.

this is a sequel to adats, same thing goes for this work, but be warned, this is the second (but not last) completed work in a series, so its gonna end on a cliffhanger/unresolved problems like the first fic

——————

the red envelope

Will writes a letter to Mike, confessing everything. Unknowingly and stupidly, he lets Mike take the envelope home, forgetting just the amount of secrets inside. At the end of the letter he tells Mike to meet him at Castle Byers Saturday at two, to tell him yes or no. Because of course Will had to ask for Mike to be his boyfriend at the end of the letter. So now Will has two choices, somehow get the letter back, or wait at Castle Byers praying for a miracle?

this one is good, it has an interesting concept and was “will they or wont they?” for me. u can read the sequel, but i really dont like because 1. smut (ew, but dont worry only the sequel has it) 2. it follows a will byers has powers trope, and i dont care for it

——————

touch like velvet

It was easy for Will Byers to fall in love with Mike Wheeler.

The trouble came when he had to pretend it wasn't real.

this one is an au of will and mike not meeting until they’re 17, there is no upside down and el isnt a lab experiment but instead a normal person. will still has the rest of the party, but its sort of split in two. will, lucas, and dustin are all bsfs, and el and max are gfs who are coworkers/friends with mike. this one i truly recommend so so much. its a lengthy slowburn, but it is unfinished and updates slow

——————

im tearing you asunder

The world ends, and then some. Mike and Will find each other again, amidst the debris and distance.

someone made AMAZING fanart based off of this which ill link here. but anyways this ones really nice, mike isnt an asshole and actually treats will like a friend. its a lead off of the s4 finale and ive been obsessed with those fanfics rn. (if you have any recs please comment them🙏)

——————

kiss it better

Mike and Will, through the years and in between the lines of friendship and something more.

i LOVE young mike and will and this one has plenty. it has byler scenarios over the course of their friendship from 5 to 18 which shows their relationship evolving the years. its a great concept in it of itself. but yeah, please read this one

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let me lead

this one just has a snippet of the fic so ill try to explain. basically this is a lead off of s4, so pretty much everyone thinks this is their last night alive, and to which mike says “screw it” and invites will over and confronts him about some things

so for my opinion, they wrote it in a scenario like, if i dont say what i think/feel now…when will i? which is great because it helps move things along quickly, so its not exactly a slowburn but they write everything in just under 6k words from el breaking up with mike, to an angsty fight, to byler confessing in a way that doesnt feel rushed

——————

pictures of you

Will is the last one left at Mike's house after a day playing DnD.

Mike brings out an old box, full of memories of their past.

ugh this one is short but its so good. it does a lot in under 3k words and is a great byler first kiss scenario

——————

a game of truths

Mike and Will play a game of truths.

this one is amazing, like the rest of the fanfics ive listed. its one of the more byler centric ones. most of it is just mike and will talking and having their moments. its really cute (esp with young mike and will) and does byler justice without writing two long paragraphs of them just making out.

——————

8/14/22

——————

where is my mind?

On November 6th, 1985, Will Byers crashed his bicycle while riding home from the Wheeler household, damaging his head and waking up two days later with no recollection of who he was.

Plagued with the absence of his memories and a dark haired boy who refuses to tell Will his name, all Will Byers has to do is remember. That's the hard part.

this is by the same author that wrote “touch like velvet” and they’re a GENIUS. this one like the other fic, its an au aside from the upside down where will just suffers from memory loss instead of getting kidnapped and everything, but its really cute because its like no matter what will and mike still love each other

——————

static re-connection

A miles-apart, oblivious mutual pining, emotional summer vacation disaster-fest starring Mike, Will, and one incredibly unreliable radio connection.

miscommunication trope at its FINEST. once the angst started it hurt, the confession is great and we get plenty of mike and nancy sibling moments👍

——————

i never find out ‘til i’m head over heels

Wherein Mike believes he’s being obvious, Will doesn’t know what he believes, and the pair of them could use a lesson or two in effective communication. Somehow all of this has both nothing and everything to do with five years' worth of school dances.

this ones great but also kind of funny because will’s being the oblivious one instead of mike. its light angst btw so u dont have to worry abt your heart being ripped out of your chest.

——————

10/13/22

——————

head over heels

On their way to Hawkins, the group decides to stay at a motel for the night.

Mike and Will get a moment alone to talk.

i was praying for more byler scenes in volume 2 whether be at a gas station, motel, or literally anywhere else so this fanfic gave us what we deserved, but yea its really cute def recommend !!

——————

undertow

Will has never had his first kiss. Mike is happy to lend a hand

as you can tell its gonna be a mike teaching will how to kiss and those are always cute even tho ive only read two successful versions of this scenario. also madwheeler🫶🫶 its really fluffy and cute at the end so this was also a good 3am read

——————

force of gravity

Will loved ordinary things, an uneventful existence was something he craved. Sadly, when Mike Wheeler walks into his life, Will’s easy going path snaps right in half. A passion he could never imagine overtaking his whole being.

It was too bad their friend groups hated each other and his sister had a huge crush on the musician. Off limits.

Fantastic.

you already KNOW i had to include this one, its too good not too. and you probably already heard of this if not read it bc its like the most popular fanfic among the byler ship/fandom (it might as well be a fandom at this point) right now. but yea the amount of times when i thought they were gonna have a normal conversation but then start argueing is INSANE. hella angst. fluff if you look past the bucket loads of angst and just GO READ IT IF YOU HAVENT

——————

10/22/22

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to hell and back again

After Mike unwittingly stumbles into a series of interpersonal bombshells, he immediately sets out to find Will so he can find out what, exactly, that painting meant, and why Will lied about it. Unfortunately, Mike is obsessively obstinate and relentless to a fault, and he'll go to the literal ends of the earth to get the answers he needs.

Or: Mike and Will's Apocalypse Romcom Spectacular

this one is actually super underrated and i havent seen many people talking abt it, and the author has been updating the fic recently too. but ANYWAYS im on chapter 11 rn and its really giving apocalypse byler, what we’ve ALL been praying for for season 5🙏 but other than that its really good so far but OML MIKE NEEDS TO GET HIS PRIORITIES STRAIGHT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THINGS GOOD HE IS SO DOWN BAD ITS LAUGHABLE

#byler fic #byler fic rec #byler

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heart2beom · 1 year

Note

hiii! i hope ur doing okay <3

i was wondering what writers you would recommend that have a similar style (romance and comedy) to you since i'm new on tumblr :'P

omg wait this is sort of sweet 😭 i dont really know what my 'style' exactly is, BUT i have been waiting for this exact moment!!!! (ranting about my favorite writers my favorite beings in the world and fangirling bcs that is clearly in my nature)

OKAY OKAY LETS DO THIS!!!

i recommend

-> @jjunis

first writer i got into when stumbling upon moablr!! LITERALLY THE CUTEST SMAUs (i know i dont really make those but i swearrrrr give her soobin one a shot its so ROMCOM-ESQUE) AND all her oneshots are fluffy and cute and and

my favorite piece from them is their beomgyu smau (bcs im a struggling bamtori that eats up anything beomgyu) my beloved GHOSTING. its on hold but its soooooo fucking good, like slow burn at its core and i LOVE it. its not romantic yet but i swear its sooo worth it, the topics it tackles and the character development and the effectiveness of the flashbacks and how real each character feels ...this is the IT smau!!!!

-> @tqmies

i held off on reading for soooo long even when i found each and every summary of her fics sooooooo interesting but then one day i had free time and decided i should finally tackle my reading list and !!!!

i soooo recommend each and every fic, like its all SO good??? FOR WHAT??? so easy to read but her vocab isn't limited, and i just love that balance so much. everything is good. i recommend EVERYTHING.

but if i had to choose ONE, just ONE thing to recommend, it would be love again because i am a whore for best friends to lovers and this was the most perfect beomgyu b2l ever.

-> @minastras

um if mina isn't one of the best writers on moablr then who is????? i'd recommend for starters her yeonjun fic mr. vice president literally captured the essence of academic rivals to lovers arc so well (ill fangirl over this more on my official rec list bcs i have a lot to say but trust!!! minas the writer you're looking for)

also has a cute ongoing taehyun smau, read that too!!!

-> @tyunlatte

the most adorablest, cutest, tooth rotting fluff i squeal over their fics. im still going through their masterlist but FUCKKKKKKK everything ive read so far is SOOOOO good. also totally someone worth following, my dash is blessed every day they're the cutest!!

i'd personally recommend her entire drabble event, but my favorite has to be stay stay stay because im a pureblood swiftie and i love soobin my heart hurts

also ALSO recommend cool hot sweet love. i'm the biggest sucker for love triangles (i mean hello, two cute boys fawning over you??? sign me up ????) and the fact that we get both endings????? hail the great alex!!!

-> @hueningshaped

i can't even pinpoint one fic i'd recommend, literally just go through their entire masterlist it's all so fucking well written (hello if u see this i literally freaked out when you followed me back ur literally my idol, i am your #1 fan rereading everything youve written forever)

-> @ijhyo

absolutely insane writer, blessed this site!!!! i'd recommend their slasher series (can't find the link but im sure youll find it). i know that isnt necessarily romcomy but it was so good (i guessed the insane bitch correctly and therefore i will forever love the series for making me feel smart!!!!!)

OMG ALSO THEIR BEOMGYU FIC!! how to get the girl! once again, i am a whore for b2l.

-> @beomgyuslilracha

i havent read an entire series yet but from what ive read so far..ugh pls beg them to be a scriptwriter i need her fics on my screen, on NETFLIX, ON HULU, DISNEY+ whatever!!! plz pull a 50 shades of grey

-> @gyu-xiao

they only have three things for txt but each one of them is so good, i squealed over each fic. my favorite hyuka fic comes from them!! had me biting my knuckles trying not to scream like damn 😭

okay these are the writers i could first think of 😭 i swear i feel like i forgot three or four but oh well, enjoy your tumblr cruise 🙏

#i swear ill do a proper rec list but its SO time consuming trying to find links #but yes #these are my favorite romcom-y ff writers 🙏

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jupiter-pls · 1 year

Text

(look, im sorry idk if read more is still a thing/on the app but i can't see it im hoping tumblr does that auto read more thing if not IM SORRY! i just need things written out for my brain sometimes)

ya girl had a cheeky weekend in amsterdam to have just one good night...and afternoon 🖤🧡🖤 it's been the. best. and i spent it with some wonderful people who im missing so, so much 💖 (there's a group photo of my pals when i had gone on to m&g round 2 with them holding up my art that makes me SOB! 😭 goodest of eggs!) and ill remember it all for a long, long time. got to give dan the new piece after telling/showing him the piece from back at the start of tour needed a companion piece & the reasoning behind it. he was so SO sweet and said how he loves my style, especially with the circles always being used (😭😭😭) and then pointed out the photo backdrop with the eclipse on 🥺 yes 🥺 love a weird wonky dan heart too 🥰 i was a bit annoyed with myself cause i felt/heard myself fully tripping over my words and ugh but! it was really really lovely...

m&g no.2 however! 💖��💖💖 (look, i panic brought a resale ticket cause i was so nervous about the matinée getting canceled in the wake of the promoters bullshit on this tour and knew i would be beyond heartbroken if it had happened) god, that felt so so special and im going to remember it forever 😭 i got so many laughs out of him and SO MANY HUGS idk what was going on there i guess being able to actually get my words out was the cause? (just lots of thankful words for the tour, meaning i could meet my wonderful friends, the show being something so special & important and that he BELONGS on a stage that is is home!) id been talking myself in & out of taking minnie ears for a photo for WEEKS, would i be ~brave enough to ask for a photo in them? no i couldn't it's too scary! but i found the perf wad aesthetic ones for him and dlp is my favourite place in the world, this was actually important to me! (see me fully not being alright when he got that fleece thing from anaheim disneyland...if u got to meet him in that ur on my list 😭) after a moment from him of "um...what are those?!" and telling him look, it's important! we got a bunch of photos with him declaring "ok these are cute, oh my god we're so cute!" yes! ears are silly & over the top but they are fun! and cute! and make u feel like a kid! told him he probs has no use for them but he can keep them if he'd like (the orange ones...not my prince charming carousel ones!) and he was all 🥺 that's such a sweet gift thank you 🥺 (also this is all backwards, we did the ears photos before everything else). i mentioned while i was so excited for the show again, it was bittersweet as it was my last one and i love that he responded with his whole damn chest that i better make sure i make it to the next tour then...that boy is never going to stop doing shows and i love that for him SO SO MUCH LIVE UR FUCKING DREAM! 😭😭😭

i had a whole lot of feelings during that last show, "embrace the void/one good night" really getting to me after getting that most recent sketch done & all the feelings that went into that and my decision to do it...it's all so much.

ALSO! getting to meet & spend time with some really, really special people ive gotten to know in this fandom and them being what made the weekend so incredibly special 💜 saying goodbye to those folks was hard but they all give the nicest hugs. i really hope i can see them all again in the not too distant future, thank you for making this trip all it was 🥰

tl;dr dan is the best boy in the world and deserves ALL the good things in the universe & i have some incredible people im lucky enough to call my friends 🪐

#give me a fucken jupiter emoji!#sorry for the heckin wall of text sometimes u just need to get a bunch of things out #wadsterdam #wad #wad spoilers #were all doomed #daniel howell #my heart has burst it was just too full

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nonbinarygamzee · 9 months

Note

what are your thoughts on gamkar (esp as it is presented in the comic) ?

ehehehehe. well. i like dem :]

ummm um to be like #thoughtful or whatever though i always struggle to put my investment to words because i simultaneously feel like a lot of what draws me to them feels self explanatory but Also every time i think that about hs i turn out to be wrong. that sounds so mean i just have autism and 0 frame of reference lol.

but anyways for me like ive basically been invested in gamzee and by extension gamkar from the beginning. at risk of being kind of nice for once i actually think homestuck did a pretty decent job wrt the introductions of the trolls in establishing the levels of importance and especially the dynamics at play through when we see them interacting, so it always felt Important that the conversation that established gamzee and karkat as good friends was so early on. in general i dont really think hs has many transitional spots that are not being used intentionally to create subconscious association between the subjects. so by extension theres the more obvious literal conversation we have between the two of them that both establishes them as close (at least in gamzees mind) and establishes a rift in that relationship, but theres also things like the conversation gamzee and terezi have about playing the game together, that while not about karkat explicitly, kind of centers him from both ends and is literally sandwiched between the introductions of these two, which to me sets up the assumptions that their dynamic is going to hole relevance, which we end up seeing later on. dare i say that gamzee/terezi conversation even kind of ends up being the earliest nod that both of these trolls are in some way vying for karkats attention. theres like plenty more of these moments of association but im not willing to go looking atm, get back to me. good way to read the comic in general though, imo.

and like so its pretty obvious from the start then that gamkar was always going to be something, right? their personalities are written in a way that both compliment and counter each other, and theres that interest then in murderstuck when it is flipped on its head but idk if you go here i think by now it is clear i dont really agree with all of that. my interest lies in the fact that gamzee is the type of person karkat resents because to him, as somebody who both has been denied entry into society and who desperately WANTS it, even to the point of internalizing and glorifying the very oppressive violence that keeps him an outsider, gamzee has Failed. shes an addict, shes stupid, shes toothless, and above all she is weird and wholly unrelatable and karkat is simply not in the position at that stage of his life to sympathize because he is still running on the assertion that the Right way to be a troll is to conform to the expectations of the empire (and prove himself as one of the Good Ones). so when gamzee has their breakdown and all of a sudden karkat is not only unable to shove all of the responsibility he insisted upon onto another person, or ignore the fact gamzee spent all of her time haunting the meteor asking Him for help..... he does it. sort of.

this is kind of the spot where i have the most trouble articulating my thoughts because i guess they are sort of contradictory. because i think the gamkar moirallegience was not only at that point in time important to the integrity of the plot, but has always been an important part of the story in terms of culminating the themes and messaging going on. and i do stand by that, i think on top of the fact we were ROBBED, to erase that without ever addressing any of it again in the retcon is like.... a major misunderstanding of the functionality of the moment in the first place! which like yeah yeah its homestuck we should be used to that. but UGH. it undermined so much of karkats character to retcon what imo was always his peak moment of personal empowerment. everyone talks about karkat as somebody who is deeply caring despite his exterior and like... i do think that is true. but the story simply is Worse from then on having stripped him of the pivitol moment that truly defined that trait as vital to him, and i think it frankly has no small part in why karkat feels like less than a character by the end. that said i dont really think it was a "good" relationship. just not for any of the reasons anyone ever seems to say. so many conversations i see wrt gamkar is people talking about loving it but not the "toxic way it went down in canon", or calling it like mutually abusive, or just in general making karkat out to be some kind of victim of his ex when like......... thats all kind of just completely made up? for starters not that i dont Get it and not that i think it means he was being entirely disingenuous, but from the very beginning karkats establishment of their quadrant was done in a way that centered the people around them, not gamzee. and i say not gamzee exclusively because i think aside from the obvious of keeping their friends safe, karkat was also centering himself; we know the Point of moirallegiance is to keep an unpredictable party "in check", and that is what he did, but i can both understand the functionality of the relationship marker in the context of the universe And understand that to be a means of subjugation of the trolls involved. and karkat, being both obsessed with romance and holding a deep feeling of inferiority, of COURSE would look at this as an opportunity to prove he can live up to that expectation of pacification. we get his side of the story when things fizzle out, gamzees religion apparently becoming such a frontal obsession she doesnt pay him any mind, but we dont get to hear anything from the party whos not only being mind controlled, but also has to approach this dynamic with the knowledge it wasnt for her and that karkat continued to covet terezi "in every quadrant" (LOL!!!!!) when he wasnt openly mocking them. and well i just think that is very interesting. karkat is in a powerful position, narratively, that gamzee is never ever granted, that gives him the benefit of the doubt from the audience that he is right and she is wrong, even though we know that hes like... literally always wrong!!! i am not about to start trusting him NOW!!!

um ok this god long sorry. basically i think they are extremely complimentary to one anothers stories and flaws; karkat desperately needs to see and understand people that vary from the expectations he has grown up chasing. he needs somebody who understands what it is like not to meet those expectations. he needs a reason to choose growth or else he fizzles into the disgusting excuse for a character we have of him by the end! gamzee by contrast needs to be seen by somebody who is both in the position to treat her like a person, who holds power in this narrative they are all trapped within to Grant her the choice of depth. where he needs a reason to grow she needs somebody willing to grow to meet her where she is! you cannot pull somebody from their abuse but you must be willing to understand their reasonings and have a hand at the ready for the day they choose to go! ive never understood the debates surrounding gamzees agency because we are shown explicitly the ways it is denied, and shown her awareness to the fact she is trapped, the fact she is a character and the narrative cannot be upheld without her roles; karkats ability to "help" her to me was never as much a question about whether he could literally get her out of that, but whether he could act as the lens through which people understand gamzees situation As one of coercion. they are utena anthy forever ok im done

#this feels a bit all over the place sorry. been having a very hard one but love to throw myself into my little fictions to deal #ask #gamkar

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