#just bc i felt like it. no other reason /srs
Note
May I please politely beg for a fic based on the Eris bc post you did? It was so good and I’d love to see him confront Rhys + co and taking care/loving reader
I’m the “Bad Guy”
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *
Pairing(s): Eris x reader
Warnings: some graphic-ish injury
Summary: Eris Vanserra; he was your… what? Enemy? Ally? Both? Sort of — at least, that’s what Rhysand says, and whatever your High Lord says, goes. But, Eris saw you for more than anyone in your court ever could, and deep down you knew he had one more title, reserved for just you: true love. What happens when you’re in danger, and he’s the first and only one you go running to?
SR’s Note: Yes you absolutely can have a fic based on Eris’ HC in this post. No need to beg — I’m happy to oblige. Here it is, I hope you like it. xoxo
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *
The fire crackled and burned in the fireplace, embers creating a soft glow in the darkened sitting room. Eris was alone, lounging on the sofa in the Forest House, his newest read in hand. He liked spending his time this way — alone, reading, warm. He felt… content.
Little did he know, you’d quite enjoyed your evenings the same way.
Sure, he knew you shared an interest in reading. That’s where he usually found you when he’d visit the Night Court — shelf combing in the library of the House of Wind; curled in a chair, a different book to read each time he would see you again; sometimes, you’d even be caught talking about your favorite ones with Nesta. You quite enjoyed her, as well as her company and character, as she was very honest and real with you.
Yet, another thing in you’d shared in common.
On this particular evening though, the sun had already long set and the stars were sprinkling the sky when Eris felt his body tense on instinct. He had suddenly lost interest in what he was reading when he heard a commotion coming from outside. Well, not a commotion, but rather some sort of… crying. Whimpering, rather. He straightened in his chair, straining his ears to hear what was happening beyond the windows of the Forest House.
Usually, when this happened, it was the work of Beron — some cruel or unusual punishment that Eris had learned long ago to stay out of. Recently, tensions were running high with the Night Court; though Eris was still secretly meeting with them, it didn’t change that his father wanted to sever all ties with the solar court completely.
But this… this time, it was different.
“Please… please…”
Eris’ heartstrings pulled in his chest as he strained to listen, wanting to make any excuse or reason for his ears to be deceiving him.
But, he knew in his heart, they were not.
In an instant, he’d snapped his novel shut and was racing toward the front door. He threw it open, rounding the corner of the house and bolting for the enormous hedge maze in the backyard of the grounds. He wasn’t sure exactly what had come over him; on any other day, he’d leave you to suffer as he would the other Night Court Inner Circle members. But the squeeze of barbed wire around his heart propelled him forward.
He knew you were here. He knew it was you that needed him.
It was an odd feeling, tearing around corners in search of the one woman he’d thought over and over about torturing. He’d thought of you crying. He’d thought about how he could hurt you. Did that make him a bad person? Maybe. So be it. You weren’t perfect either. Over the last few years, he’d even thought of how he’d kill you himself — just, once, he’d thought of this. It was during a meeting with the entire Inner Circle, of course; Eris was present. He’d arrived early and heard you, again, talking to Nesta about your ideas on strategy and negotiation. Though you were speaking of ideas that would affect him directly, he didn’t care — the ideas were good. Nesta wasn’t shy to give credit where it was due, either.
But, none of that mattered because during the meeting, you hadn’t opened your mouth once or said a word about your ideas. You’d tried to interject, actually — but Rhysand was quick to silence you.
But how did you handle that?
Like a good pet would. You sat, and stayed silent. Just like you always did. You’d never challenge your High Lord, oh Cauldron no — he could just simply use you as a doormat, and it wouldn’t matter.
Maybe that’s what pissed Eris off so badly.
He knew what you were capable of, what you had to offer, and what you were worth; but it seemed that most of the Inner Circle didn’t bat an eye at you, especially Rhys, whom you bowed to and that was that. Your talents could be used for so much more, but you always stayed within the guidelines in which you were allowed.
“Please… Eris…someone help me…”
Eyes straining in the night, Eris followed your pained cries until he found you in the middle of the maze. You were slumped against the large marble water fountain, breathing unevenly as blood stained your neck. Drying crimson flakes dirtied your usually vibrant tendrils, and your hands braced over your abdomen, hot tears creating tracks down your dirtied face.
"Oh my Gods..." He rushed to you, and you peered up at him in desperation. His heart split in two, seeing you crumpled and hurt in front of him as he took in your appearance in full.
But, his sadness turned very quickly, to anger. You laid, panting and in pain, in his court, on his grounds. No explanation, no one coming to help you. He felt... violent.
He knelt down to your level, leaning in and stretching a hand out to trail over your face, registering the blood pouring from inside your lip. He then reached up to move your hair from your forehead -- a huge gash the cause for the ever growing maroon pool you two were in.
Well, one of the causes. Your hands still covered your stomach.
He was fuming, hands trembling as he tried to stay gentle with you, but absolute rage filled his every vein at how this could have happened to you.
Who could've let this happen to you.
"Eris, I..." you coughed, a few blood-tainted drops landing on the stone pathway below. "I... I didn't mean to... this is the first place I thought of..." another loud sob wretched from you, and Eris cupped your cheek, his thumb stroking over the bone. You relaxed a bit at his touch, though he usually appeared so tense and malicious. When he looked into your eyes again, his whiskey irises were dulled to a deep bourbon, and his jaw was clenched tight.
"Come with me."
He stood then and wrapped his arms around your knees and lower back, scooping you up and carrying you as carefully as he could back to his wing of the Forest House. You let out a few small yelps here and there as the searing pain in your stomach was getting to be too much to handle.
"Please, stay with me Y/N," he pleaded, looking down at you sorrowfully. Your usually soft eyes met his, and his wire-wrapped heart strained once more. He’d felt as though he was carrying a small, injured deer -- that is what you were in his eyes. A gentle, wise, little doe. His little doe.
Whatever he’d been feeling before, it was long gone. The only thoughts clouding his mind were ones of keeping you safe, helping you in every way he could, and providing you with everything you could need.
Little did he realize, you just needed him. Wasn’t that why you were there in the first place?
When Eris had finally made it inside, he sat you gently on the sofa in front of the fireplace, and ran to the washroom. It wasn’t long before he’d returned, presenting a small wet cloth in one hand and taking your chin between his fingers kindly in the other. He began to wipe away the trailing stains all over your delicate skin, trying so hard to stay gentle with you; trying to replicate the softness you'd always offerred others. He felt better seeing you relax into his touch a bit as he continued to work.
But, that's one thing you didn't have in common. He wasn't soft, or sweet like you. It was one thing he pretended to hate; he “hated” your kindness to everyone, even his father, of all people. He “hated” your soft voice, one he wasn’t used to hearing all that often. He also “hated” your gentle loving nature — so, so much he “hated” it.
He tried to steady his breathing, gazing into your round, watery eyes to attempt to ground his senses and avoid thinking about punishing whoever hurt you like this. It only caused him more agony, watching as you tried to hold back your tears. Wiping away the last of the blood from your hairline, he dropped his head for a moment, raking a hand through his hair.
“I can’t stall for you any longer, love.” He said softly. Your stomach muscles continued to tense under your palms, and you watched as he rolled a clean cloth between his hands.
"I’m going to put this,” he held up the rolled cloth.
“In here," he tucked it into your open mouth. You closed your mouth over it, so usually defiant towards your “sworn enemy”, but, really...
You'd do anything he asked of you.
His hands moved to cover your bloody ones, still clutching at your stomach.
"Y/N... you’re going to have to move your hands." He says. Your eyes screw shut as you groan, fresh pain raging from the wound in your abdomen. Eris sighs, looking to you with pleading eyes.
“Please, Y/N… you have to help me help you.” His thumbs stroke over your knuckles, now covered in your blood — and you begin to remove your hands shakily. He breathes a sharp gasp as he sees your laceration in full, and shakes his head slowly. He sits back on his knees, positioning himself between yours.
"Hold onto me." He says. You look to him in confusion, and he places your clammy fingers on his shoulders. One of his hands lingers on yours for a moment, and he pressed the inside of your wrist to his lips. He looks back to you, eyes already asking for forgiveness.
"I'll be honest,” he begins. “I've thought about hurting you before, as you've hurt me," he says, voice deep with ... something. Something you couldn't place. You could barely focus on his words as your mind started to fog over, your vision clouding with black spots. "...but never like this."
He sighs one last time, a hand coming into view between your knees, his fingers ablaze with his gift of fire. You immediately sit up, or try to anyway -- a sob racks your chest, muffled by the cloth, and Eris holds you down, hand splayed over your sternum.
"Hold onto me." He says again, his tone warning. His fingers meets your bubbling would, flames searing the skin as a scream tears through your dry, cracked throat, only quieted by the cloth you’re biting down on. Your eyes blow wide, and you squirm under his hold. He looks at you with regret, pulling back for just a moment — only to press heat onto your would again within seconds.
Your hands claw at the collar of his white button down, red already smeared over most of it. He huffs an apologetic sigh, continuing to carterize your open would, flames stinging and burning your sensitive flesh.
Over. Over. Over again.
You tilt your head back, the familiar weightless feeling becoming all too apparent. You felt it coming; you were going to black out. His once-white collar begins to slip from your fingers, and your eyes meet his one last time before glazing over as you slink into darkness.
: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ
Soft streams of sunlight bathe the room in a golden glow when you open your eyes again. You register the feeling of comfy, loose-fitting pants amid the cool, mahogany silk sheets you’re enveloped in. You blink a few times, and reach a hand up to rub the sleep from your eyes.
When your eyes adjust, you realize what’s so different; everything. The sun is illuminating the room from a window. A window across this… bedroom, with a stoked fireplace and four poster oak bed. A bed with mahogany sheets, a stark contrast to your usual lilac ones at home — as well as the teakwood bookshelf along the far wall. At least those are familiar, most of the titles. One novel is laying on the window seat; it’s one you’d just finished last week.
Then, the realization hits you; you were in Eris' room.
You try to sit up, but wince in pain and end up laying back down, head flopping against the plush pillows under your head. Your hands instinctively reach toward your stomach, tugging at the hem of the tank top you donned. A thick bandage was wrapped around your midsection, concealing your abdominal injury. Your mind wandered to last night, what you'd endured, winnowing to the Autumn Court, the burning...
Within moments, Eris appeared in the doorway, concern threading his brows together as he looks you up and down.
"Is everything alright?" In three steps, he’s made it to the bed, taking a seat on the edge of it. He pulls the covers up, tucking them around you in comfort. You shake your head in honesty, silver lining your eyes as they meet his.
He knew you’d be honest with him. Yet, another thing he “hated” about you.
"I... they took me last night." You manage to choke out. Eris readjusts to face you, scooting closer and reaching out a hand to stroke through your hair. He bites on his lower lip, eyes searching yours.
"Who. Who took you Y/N." He says. It sounds like more of a demand than a question.
You shake your head, a tear slipping free as you remember being kidnapped from your bed and tossed onto the mountainside. The feeling of freezing snow under your knees, the jagged rocks slicing into your palms would only be the beginning of the pain you'd endure before somehow winnowing away.
"It was... they wanted me to partake in the..." you swallow, the lump in your throat only growing as a tear slips free. Usually, he’d be the type to taunt you for crying or appearing so weak, but Eris only brushes his thumb against your cheek, wiping the tear away.
"The fucking Blood Rite." He bites out. Anger radiates off of him, the small fire in the fireplace near the window growing with each passing second. The muscle in his jaw feathers as his eyes train on yours, and you nod in confirmation. His other hand rests on yours clasped atop the sheets, and you can’t help but register the heat he is emitting, even from the small touch.
He sighs, hanging his head low and shaking it slowly. When he makes eye contact again, he takes your hands reassuringly in his. “Y/N, I’m only going to ask you one more time. Who. Did. This. To you.” You can practically see the flames dancing in his irises, and you lean forward an inch, almost nose to nose with him. His strong scent of cinnamon and burnt timber wafts through your senses, and you feel a small tug on your heartstrings.
“Eris, look it’s not anyone’s fault, okay? I mean, well, it is…” you begin with a sigh. “I was sleeping over at the House of Wind with Nesta and Gwyn and Emerie, and… oh, uh and the guys were there too, for most of the night. Cass, Azriel. Ya know.” You explain. He nods for you to continue.
“Well, we were just having a nice time and when we went to sleep, I don’t know I just… one minute I was asleep and the next, I had a mask on my eyes and someone was… uh…. mm… uhm covering my mouth and… Nesta was screaming-“ you hadn’t noticed your hands beginning to shake, until Eris laced his fingers with yours. You took a steadying breath, but the shaking only subsided a little as you still remembered the horrors of the night prior.
“So… Cassian and Azriel. They were supposed to be watching you.” Eris says evenly. You look at him incredulously.
“Watching? Oh, hardly. I mean, we’re not eight years old, Eris.” You explain. He nods, biting the inside of his cheek and contemplating your words. You can practically see the gears turning in that beautiful little head.
“It seems a little chat is in order.” He chides. Your eyes widen, and your hand braces on his bicep. He glances down at your touch, then back to your face again, nose still just inches from yours.
“No! Uh… I mean, no. Please.” You say. “They haven’t done anything wrong, and-“
“I’d hardly say allowing for you to be kidnapped for the damned Blood Rite is an inexcusable offense.” He interrupts. You narrow your eyes at him.
“Andddd, I shouldn’t have been allowed to winnow at the Blood Rite. Anyone found using their powers or plotting to escape the rite once it’s begun is…” you trail off. He nods. He knows; it’s an executable offense. Bringing any of this to attention could perhaps put you in more danger.
He didn’t care. He was prepared to do anything to save you, just as he’d done the night before. He definitely wouldn’t allow some dirty Illyrians get their hands on you again, either.
“How were you able to winnow, anyway? I thought powers weren’t able to be used on Romiel during the Blood Rite,” he asks, quirking a brow. You shrug, wincing and regretting the movement.
“I don’t know… maybe since no one knows I am capable of winnowing, they didn’t think it’d be necessary to shield those abilities from me? I don’t know Eris, I don’t know how all this works.” You say exasterbatedly. Eris only seems to become more troubled by your response.
“So… they didn’t teach you to winnow, you just… did it… and they didn’t think you could do anything with your powers, so much so that no one bothered to remove them?” His voice pitches, and you nod in agreement.
“I suppose.” He slips his hand from yours, standing and straightening his shirt. He moves toward the door, not uttering another word.
“Eris, where are you-“
“Y/N, trust me; I’m only doing you justice. You’ll thank me later, dove.”
: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ
“What are you doing out of bed?”
You hear him before you see him. When you slowly turn from your spot at the stovetop, Eris is leaned against the doorframe, a cocky grin on his lips, brow raised in question. You roll your eyes, the only movement you can do at normal speed without tensing in pain.
“Well, smart guy,” you say. “You ran off and left me for half the day, and didn’t feed me. So, I forced myself up and… went on a little scavenger hunt. To the kitchen.” You say simply. He scoffs and strides over to you, stopping to lean against the counter behind you. You turn to face him, and he glances at your bandage.
“How are you feeling?” he asks, no tone or condescension evident in his voice. You take his hand in yours, and his eyes gaze at you in silent question. You press his palm to your side, and smile softly at him. All those years thinking he was your enemy; all those years thinking he would truly hurt you; all those years suppressing what you knew was true all along. Maybe he wasn’t the bad guy that everyone made him out to be. He was a good male.
“Stronger than you thought, hmm?” You say with a wink. His eyes soften, and a little smile plays on his lips as his other hand braces your other hip bone. He pulls you close, so close your pelvis is touching his upper thighs. You peer up at him through your lashes as he leans down to whisper in your ear.
“You’ve always been the strongest woman I’ve known.”
You blush at his words, finally accepting what you’ve been running from all along; you care for Eris. Truly, you did. Why else would you winnow here, of all places? Why else would you feel a familiar tug on your heart strings when he was around?
You cared.
And, Cauldron behold; he did too.
“And… you had to show me how strong you were today?” You ask, your tone dipping low. Eris rolls his eyes and scoffs.
“All I did was go over there, and demand to know why the hell they’d allow for you to be kidnapped in your own home-“ You gasp and swat his arm lightly.
“Eris!” You scold. He grins down at you, taking your face in his hands and looking at you lovingly.
“Maybe I should irritate you more… look at you, taking initiative and putting me in my place.” He chuckles. Your face reddens, and you stare at him wide-eyed as he runs his knuckles down your jaw, his cool silver ring easing the burning hot you felt beneath your cheek.
“Maybe I should do what I’m suppos-“ Eris cuts you off with a tsk tsk tsk, pulling you in close and finally pressing a soft kiss to your lips. You part your lips, fingers caressing his jaw and threading through his hair as his lips dance with yours. His fingers trail from your cheek down to your waist, holding you close as one hand runs up and down your side; grabbing firmly when your teeth graze his bottom lip. He pulls away, breathless as he supplies you a feline grin.
“Now, where is the fun in that?
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *
#a court of silver flames#a court of thorns and roses#acotar smut#acotar#lucien acotar#acofas#acosf#a court of frost and starlight#lucien vanserra#lucien x reader#eris vandaddy#eris acotar#eris vanserra#eris x reader#vanserra brothers#high lord rhysand#rhys acotar#rhys x reader#rhysand#cassian smut#cassian#night court 2023#night court#azriel smut#azriel fanfic#acomaf#azriel acotar#acotar series#acowar#azriel
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Ichor, how Sweet
By: J
should be no tws but,
tw blood(ish) mention
(wrote in lopts pov, probably ooc but uh, can it /really/ be ooc if theres not alot of info? 💀)
[ichor |'ΛΙΚΟ:| noun - “the fluid that flows like blood in the veins of the gods”]
how disgusting.
humans have always been this way,
havent they?
its,
repulsive.
to say the least.
ive known that.. for a long time.
and yet.
here i am.
on the ground.
bleeding.
bleeding until im dry.
because,
in the end.
even if it was ‘fun’.
humans are selfish.
human or not.
god or not.
ive thought for so long.
that animals were dumb,
running away from a harmless branch cracking.
yet standing directly in harms way.
and now.
now those thoughts,
i knew better.
ive known for so long.
‘dont fuck with humans’
‘at least make sure to always have power over them’
i did.
i had power over them.
i had control.
and yet.
in my slighest moment of weakness.
when i was completely alone.
even then i didnt show it.
but.
they knew.
and now.
im still here.
lying on the ground.
ichor dripping out of my sides.
my arms.
my legs.
my veins.
humans truely are evil.
#j writes badly#i put the ichor def in not bc it looks cool#but bc theres two defs of it 😭#sorry not sorry this has been PLAGUING MY MIND#i uh actually just wanted to revisit the mentality i used to have#just bc i felt like it. no other reason /srs#no beta we die like jirou#guess whos gonna get to write a whole theory on hawaii part ii for school 😎#ME BITCH.#im so excited#i still have SO much to do omg oh dear lopt save me#not even kidding water tank thingy broke in the middle of writing this and my parents were fighting over it 💀#OKOK ILL SHUT UP NOW SORRY LMAO
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“I didn’t know where else to go” with armin pls? you know the vibes 🤙🏻🖤
i rewrote this 3 times bc i couldn’t get it right. but i think i like this version :’) the ending is meh but i hope you’ll forgive me <3
pairing: armin arlert x reader
warnings: angst!!!!!!! but happy(?) ending. eren is a shit bag (nothing srs, has a bad temper but doesn’t go into details), armin loves u so bad but was mean :( not proof read
wc: 710
“I didn’t know where else to go.”
2:33am.
You didn't know who was pounding on your at this hour, but you were ready to lay into them. You didn't have any missed calls or texts, so you knew it wasn't one of your friends in an emergency. However as soon as you looked through your peephole and saw a very upset looking Armin, all of your anger went away.
As soon as you opened the door, he practically fell into your arms. If he had come to you this way six months ago you'd be less confused, but now it's different. You broke up and haven't spoken in nearly half a year. So Armin, finding himself at apartment door at nearly 3am, was strange.
"Armin are you okay? What are you doing here?" You slowly sank down right there in your doorway so you were both seated on the floor, "Is everyone okay?"
Armin just shook his head, trying to calm himself down. He didn't mean to show up here, not at nearly 3am when he knew you had an early class the next day. Not when you hadn't spoken in six months because of something he said to you.
"I'm sorry, y/n. I didn't know where else to go," He leaned away from your shoulder and rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands. "Eren got shitty again, y'know how he does. He threatened me and made me leave and I just. I didn't have anywhere else," He didn't even have here, he knew that. He was overstepping being here.
But that didn't matter. You knew what Eren was like when he lost his temper, you had been on the receiving end of it a few times. It was scary. "I told you you could always come here if he ever got bad, I meant it." Even though it killed you to see Armin right now, you'd rather him be here safe than there. "I'd never want you to stay where you aren't safe."
For some reason, that made him cry harder. He couldn't remember if he even got to apologize to you. All he wanted was for this to be okay again. To go back to how they were before. "I'm sorry, y/n."
"You don't have to be sorry. Let's stand up okay? Go to the couch. Do you want some hot coco?" You rubbed his back before standing up and offering him your hand, "The way you like it."
Despite you keeping your composure, you felt like you were about the burst. Part of you wanted to yell at him, for coming here in the middle of the night when you told him you never wanted to see him again. But the other part of you felt thankful, you missed him. You missed his smell, the way he said your name, the way he felt so right next to you.
You felt his absence as soon as you stood. Your heart begging for him to reclaim his spot next to you. But he didn’t. He went to the couch as you instructed.
“You can stay here tonight if you need,” You offered, hanging him his hot chocolate the way he loves it best, with a little bit of cinnamon and lots of mini marshmallows. “I have class in the morning but I can miss if you need me to.”
“y/n no I could never ask you to miss class, especially not tomorrow morning’s. It’s important for your major,” Armin shook his head, dismissing your words. Now that he was calmed down, he felt dumb. Running to you like a little kid because his friend yelled at him. He should’ve just locked himself in his room and waited it out like he usually would.
“Making sure you’re okay is more important than anything else,” You admitted, “I’m sure someone can send me their notes for the day. I want to stay here with you,”
Something about your tone of voice and the look on your face told Armin all he needed to know. Tomorrow, after you would both wake up in different rooms of your apartment, he would apologize. He’d beg for your forgiveness and ask that you give him a second chance.
And you’d say yes without hesitation.
angst sentence prompts
comments, reblogs, requests n likes appreciated <3
#attack on titan#aot#shingeki no kyoujin#snk#armin arlert#armin aot#armin x reader#armin arlert x reader#armin angst#armin arlert angst#armin drabble#armin x y/n#mine !!
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it’s kind of funny bc i was just thinking about SR today and then i suddenly got a notif that you posted the final chapter!!
anyways, i just finished reading and man - you really have a way with words. like i can’t remember the last time i was so immersed in a series but you really are such an amazing writer. thank you for letting us read your stories because i know how tiresome and draining it can be :( but thank you thank you, i appreciate you and your work.
moving on to my reaction to this final chapter!! AHHHHHHH i loved the ending and am so content. like i was so curious on everything with mingi, san, wooyoung and hwa and you summed it all so perfectly in this last chapter. with mingi - i totally understand what you did there and honestly thought it was perfect. ngl i did think mingi would be end game but the reasoning behind why she can’t be with him was so valid. san - oh san, what a character. even though i hated college san and how he treated y/n, i really think he was just protecting himself and obviously that hurt a lot of ppl, but he had his reasons. that scene with him and y/n in the hotel room really brought closure, i think, for the both of them and i love how when y/n was like “let’s not meet again”, san accepted it so graciously. wooyoung - omg i love wooyoung so much. the scene where he was like “you b-bitch” broke me but made me laugh out loud bc he is so adorable and you can definitely tell how much love the two have for each other. i’m glad those two worked out their problems (i had no doubt they would but they both were valid with their initial feelings that started the argument). wooyoung is my favorite character <3 hwa - girl i literally was so happy when san brought up his name bc i wanted to really see where their relationship lied at the end of this all. i’m so happy they were able to mend everything. i’m still upset at how hwa treated her back then but again, siblings have this relationship where it’s really hard to not forgive. i could see how much the two regretted not talking to each other and how much they wanted to make up for lost time and that make my heart so full. lastly y/n - the amount of hurt, sorrow, anger, admiration, love, and understanding i felt for this character was crazy. the amount of growth we see her go though in this series is actually so interesting and felt so natural. initially, she was selfish, only thinking for herself. she wanted san and despised anyone who stood in her way. but then she met wooyoung, mingi and started to care for others. fast forward to her adult life, she only is thinking of others, not herself, and is so scared of being selfish but then after that convo with san, she realizes she needs to be a little bit of both. idk it just felt so full circle for me.
wow this was a long ass reply and i’m so sorry - like you don’t have to read this bc i literally just went on a tangent. but just wanted to say thank you again for your work and all the time and effort you put into your writings <3 i’m sad SR is over but i’m looking forward to more of your work and am forever a supporter :’)
ahhhhhhhhh thank you so much, you explained everything so well that i truly have nothing left to add except to thank you for reading ❤️
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ok so i have a conspiracy theory re: Rebecca the Yellow Engine... apparently when the irl final SR Light Pacific was being built (#34110, named "66 Squadron"), the folks at the works building her were tinkering with the idea of giving her a more conventional valve gear setup (since, yknow, Bullied's chain driven valve gear was... testy, to put it lightly), but they decided against it when Bullied wrote to them saying essentially "don't even THINK of rebuilding her", and so they just made her a normal Light Pacific. (please note that at this time, Bullied wasn't even CME anymore, this was during BR days and Bullied was working in Ireland.) SO. consider. They make a *final* final Light Pacific just to try out the valve gear change, but fearing Bullied's wrath they decide to send her (34111 at the time, she has no name yet) to the Island of Non-Standard Junk, A.K.A. the North Western Region.
gonna be real the main reason i plotted this out is bc it felt weird for Rebecca to be one of the irl Light Pacifics, and inadvertently erase one of the real one's names, since they all had very non-name-like names lol. Awdry was really onto something with his extra-in-the-batch speculative fiction lol
Oooh, this headcanon has got everything.
Interesting real-life tidbits, a colourful real-life figure who is as hilariously high-handed as any Sudrian, a suitably "Island of Non-Standard Junk" character backstory that fits well with the others but doesn't feel like it's rehashing anything, a plausible reason for Yet Another Throw An Extra On the End of a Batch engine number—I love it ⭐
#but what did bulleid do when he found out 👀#did she in fact perform better than the others 👀 👀#there's a lot to unpack here#thanks!#chatter#ttte rebecca#friends' headcanon#hell i would like to adopt it#real true railway stuff#british engines#southern region engines
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hey i wanted to ask! bc i remember you saying how you felt about spuffy but you hadn't rewatched s7 yet. did that affect how you saw them at all? also if you're okay answering, what do you think of seeing red? I've recently begun to think of it as. kind of out of character. like i know spuffy was downward spiraling but it kind of felt like seeing red was "what should we have happen so that things get super bad and spike goes and gets a soul" and not actually something that spike would. have really done? idk. I'm not a spuffy fan but i do think things about that episode
i still havent actually rewatched s7 lol i had been rewatching s6 back in march last year but stopped right before riley showed up again and didnt get around to picking it back up haha. ill probably think about doing a full series rewatch and liveblog after i graduate college (so sometime during the summer) and actually try to get through to the end
that being said i have not actually sat down and rewatched seeing red since the first time i watched the series. so. almost a decade ? at this point ? if thats any indication of how i feel about that episode. it has been a while. its on par with the body in terms of episodes that i never really want to rewatch (though for completely different reasons, obviously) more thoughts below
the way i tend to view seeing red is that of poorly thought through shock value writing. i agree with you in that it feels like a writers decision to have the worst thing happen in order to motivate spike to seek his soul, and not something that feels correct to the character. already by that point you have spike reflecting on their tryst and realizing the way things were was not making either of them truly happy, so it would not take that much prodding for him to realize something had to change. there are other ways to get spike to his breaking point without having to subject buffy to sexual violence. even though their relationship was volatile and played with gray areas of consent, i never got the impression that spike would truly violate buffy's consent. i think writing in an attempted rape affects the way the audience views them on a much deeper level than the writers were expecting. because, a lot of the trauma that buffy endures through the show, while very real to her, has a fantasy element that places a layer of separation from the audience. most people cannot understand the despair of having to send your boyfriend to actual Hell, or the betrayal of being ripped from actual Heaven by your friends. but there are members of the audience who do know the terror and betrayal of sexual violence by their partner. so i think that aspect wasnt taken into serious enough account when deciding to have your main characters love interest and general audience favorite do something so realistically deplorable. thats why i think it was mainly a shock value decision rather than based in any way the character would actually act. not even to mention the fact like. most everyone else in the production hating having to film it and james marsters has said because of SR he will never do a scene like that ever again he hated it that much.
from the refresher ive seen of s7 (from people gifsets and spuffy scenes and meta about spike, the soul, and buffy etc) i wish we had got more of a buildup to a true spuffy reconciliation. there is so much happening in s7. so much that a lot tends to get lost or not as much time focused on in order to get to the very end. i do really think that buffy was incredibly moved and touched by spikes decision to get his soul back. personally i think the choice to get the soul is more impactful than the soul itself, as it demonstrates how remorseful spike is over the AR and his willingness to atone for it without expecting anything in return. and how buffy recognizes that and thats why shes able to forgive him and let him back into her life. but because there are only 22 episodes to fit plot into the reconciliation happens just. a little too quick. i had wished that. idk. it happened over 2ish seasons? so we see spike struggling to reconcile with his soul just a lil bit longer and him settling with it and buffy seeing that struggle while still wanting him around. idk. a lot of my problems with s7 come from pacing issues. while i have my problems with s7 as a whole, i do generally like the spuffy progression in it, even if i wanted it to take a lil longer. in all of buffys past relationships, there are things that happened that make her believe that she is somehow responsible for her partners turning bad, or thinking she is somehow lesser for being with them. but learning that spike got his soul back for her, something she views as essential and good, it shocks her that she could inspire someone to change that much for the betterment of themselves. and because of that she can truly trust him enough to love him completely.
so like long story short i hate that seeing red involved sexual violence and i wish there had been some other way to get to the point of spike realizing he needs to change, but considering the way s7 went i dont think it changes my perspective on their relationship that much. i think spike and buffy are one of the most interesting relationships on the show just by how much they change themselves and each other by being in their lives, and thats why im so invested in them
#very sorrry if this is rambly or doesnt make sense but i hope i answered your question !#asks#seeing red /
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(regarding the five pebbles and seven red suns ship) i feel like when it comes to the iterators either interpretation could be valid?? like some people interpret them as friends, some interpret them as family
like, lttm says "one of [pebble's] friends" when talking about suns, and then suns themselves says (paraphrasing a bit) "as a long time friend" on the pearl they send to him
in regards to the ancients calling themselves the iterators parents, i always felt like it was akin to the way some religious people say that everyone is a children of [insert god here] or something, like a metaphor
sorry for the anon jumpscare i'm a bit nervous, the last thing i want is to be called a pr/shitter- i just personally have always interpreted them as friends
no no youre good cus im not looking to cause shit myself! im just confused. if anything i was nervous to ask anything cus ive heard some people in the rw discord are quick to dispute this whenever its brought up about shipping the two and as someone whos been around fandom for a long time thats a preeeetty bad sign.
also same here abt seeing suns and pebs as just friends, its just that now that ive returned to rw a few years later and looked into the lore pearls again that i think its implied that iterators would see eachother as somewhat related perhaps?
i didnt think about the iterators being considered like "children of (godlike figure)" but in hindsight, thats also a possibility. In the lore pearl that this is brought up they also say that five pebbles is "their gift to the world" or something like that, and that seems to fit with that theme as well...
and yeah, when it comes to all forms of art, no interpretation is truly wrong. i think the main point that bothers me aside from the possibly siblings stuff is i feel like this isnt what people should be getting out of the iterators plotline? like shipping is fun. it is for fun. im not gonna go after people for that! but i also feel like people should be taking a step back and appreciating the characters for what they are and not for what they could be. if that makes sense?
about your second point, i have something to say about that but its MAJOR downpour spoilers, specifically for the rivulet and the spearmaster campaigns so im just gonna put it under a readmore
in the rivulets campaign, when asking the rivulet to do one last thing for him, pebbles calls moon "an old friend" himself (in fact thats what the achievement for finishing rivulet is called). moon very explicitly sees pebbles as a younger brother and expresses this at the end of the campaign. and in the spearmasters campaign theres those satellite things that show iterator logs when touched, and we get to see 2 iterators (from what i assume to be a neighboring group) gossiping about pebs, one of them brings up the fact that pebs was built near moon and the other asks "Isn't she his senior enough to the point where she calls herself 'Big Sis Moon'?". Its much more explicit that moon views her group as her younger siblings but pebs still calls her an old friend of his regardless!
last of all, someone said this in the tags of my post but looking at the lore pearl convo between pebbles and suns as well as the one between suns and wind really gives suns the impression of an older sibling, at least it does to me. also, back to those satellites in the spearmasters campaign, suns says that pebbles always looked up to them and they never took that lightly. srs is someone pebbles considers close because he looks up to him!
Their dynamic is something interesting to me now bc of downpour and im all about bullshitting and reading into things a little bit more for ships, but looking at SRS and FP.... how do i describe it. i dont really feel like theres SPACE for shipping in this case? like it wouldnt be necessarily invalid but its kinda missing the Point of the spearmasters campaign i feel. infact i feel like this is the only reason people see seven red suns as male despite none of the other iterators having specified genders (unless the dlc confirmed a gender for suns, then i missed that). anyways this last paragraph is just me rambling oops
#not putting this in the main tag#but im just throwing my opinion out here! im not saying people CANT ship characters. if someone takes this as me trying to say that i SWEAR#TO GOD#i just like. ok i dont wanna call this a case of shipping goggles its not THAT bad. but i wish that people wouldnt HAVE to ship things to#stay engaged with media#yknow what i mean?#asks#rain world downpour spoilers#rain world spoilers
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I'm a Dae solo stan, but just had a peek at what ot5 Dae stans on twitter get up to and feel like I've lost braincells. Daesung deserves better fans, as these people seem rather dimwitted describing themselves as so soft, cuddly, adorable, uwu bc that's how Dae is and their personalities align with his. And always tying him to SR and how he just adores his maknae so much. Yikes, serious infantilization there and not how Daesung comes across to me at all.
Oh, this is refreshing. Not that I was ever under the impression that it was only me who felt this way, but it's nice to see from someone else, even if anonymously. And without prompting! I'll agree, and would like to add that this right here is pretty much the reason why I, as general rule, keep my distance from that group, even setting aside their senseless support for the ex-member turned sex offender (though I'd argue their dimwittedness has something to do with that). Even without the OT4/5 war, the fandom split, whatever you call it, those are not the types of people I would want to associate with.
In fact, for as long as I've been interested in BIGBANG, despite being steadfastly Daesung biased myself, there have been very few Dae stans who I've clicked with over the years. There's a reason why my social circle of fandom friends and follows has always been selectively small, going all the way back to this blog's beginning in January 2016. It's partly my personality, partly the pool of people that surround me. Consider that the type of fan you've observed and described above makes up a large percentage of Dae stans, or is overrepresented among Dae stans, and you'll understand why I tend to gravitate more toward fans of the other members. People who like Daesung, appreciate him for his many skills and talents, and respect him as a valued member of the BIGBANG team, but manage to sidestep this bizarre trap of infantilization and woobification that seems to ensnare so many Daesung-biased VIPs, most of all those on the OT5 side. It's not cute, it's not amusing, and it's certainly not appealing. It's embarrassing, to the extent that I can't bring myself to look anymore. Not even a peek. Three tweets in and I'm cringing.
Maybe I've just outgrown it. I feel like I've outgrown a lot of things in the last few years, jaded to the point where being a Dae stan in this fandom often feels like being the lone adult in a room full of children. Which is an uncanny feeling when you remember that this is a thirty-three-year-old man we're dealing with. Yes, he's sweet, at times silly, and all-in-all lovely, but I'd like to see more maturity in the way he's perceived and presented/portrayed by fans. The k in kpop doesn't stand for kids.
That said, the feeling is mutual, I think. "Not like other Dae stans," they say about me, derogatory. But what they don't seem to realize is it's a point of pride for me. So to that I say, "Thank you for noticing."
#anon I don't know who you are but just know I appreciate you for this#maybe this wasn't supposed to be an invitation to talk about myself and my own thoughts & feelings on the matter but#🤷♀️#bigbang#daesung#dlite#vip#ask#anon
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Twisty wonder glorious masks event
thoughts thus far (up to part 4) and just a little speculation for part 5
Thoughts:
-that escalated fast
-the pacing on this one has been pretty good... they didn’t waste my time with a lot of random sightseeing/omiyage talk as in kelkarot and... there were a bunch of battles in part 4 but they didn’t make us fight ramshackle ghost reskins every single episode of every part for no reason like in scary monsters. thank u yanasensei
-i’m not really yume but malleus definitely has Something going on with kantokusei and this event has given me a lot of chances to make my little isekai kid (ryouka, she/her, baffled that she has been so unquestioningly accepted into this otherwise all-boys school even though she is not trying to present herself as a boy) flirt with him so i’m grateful www when rollo dropped us into the underground and malleus yelled her name.... i love this for him.
-additionally, when malleus was about to blow the whole cité des fleurs or w/e up bc he was so angry about the “invitation” being fake and kantokusei’s reaction was just “TSUNOTAROU. BE COOL.” otp
-i felt so bad for malleus after he realized the invitation wasn’t real that after i got his event ssr (in just 53 pulls, bless) i invited him to my guest room right away w and then his line was like “i am so, so grateful to you for this invitation ;~;” the poor baby.... as soon as i get my omekashi jamil to 110 maybe i’ll invite you next...
-malleus and the gargoyle.... he’s so cute. how can maleficent’s great-grandson or whatever he is be so pure. i love him.
-based on his vargas camp 2 look i thought crewel sensei was a shoo-in for this masquerade event. and trein’s been great in this event so i’m not too disappointed he’s not here but i do hope we get a follow-up with him and lucius www
-when idia was like “FF外から失礼します”. pls
-i love riddlechan but he really only has one pattern... go too hard too early on, be the first one taken out, have to be saved by the guy that got paired up with him... (ghost marriage, main story ch 1, main story ch 6...) the game is pretty consistent in-story about 3rd years > 2nd years > 1st years which objectively makes sense but please let riddlechan be cool for once. he became the dorm leader in just a week which is better than anyone except malleus (implied)! please just let him cause massive amounts of property damage and survive the experience without relying on anybody else! ...maybe when he gets a proper event to himself, since scary monsters and tsumutsumu were both group affairs 🙄 (don’t talk to me about tsumutsumu)
-as jamil oshi i was initially disappointed that he and ruggie dropped out of the main party 2nd after riddlechan+epel BUT what they did with them made up for it wwwww everyone else is like “we will make a stand here and destroy as many flowers as we can to help our friends uwu”. meanwhile these two kids are running around NBC spreading flowers and dragging down as many other people as they can. top marks in villainy.
-maybe it’s bc it’s a pretty chill group (his sr even has a homescreen line like “so glad neither [kalim] nor [floyd] were chosen for this trip... finally i can live my best life”) but jami has been SO SPICY this event... hasn’t missed a single chance to take the piss out of azul.... love that for him.
-but also the contrast in the setup chapter of jamil “kalim your shampoo is here and your blankets are here. do you understand me. i will tell you again. this is where all the things you will need for the next 2.5 days are. do you understand me. whatever you do do not get yourself assassinated while i am gone Do You Understand Me” viper vs. azul “sure, go ahead and wreck the place while i’m gone, what do i care, i won the lottery for this great networking opportunity and you didn’t so SUCK IT EELS” ashengrotto.
-my two best boys are jami and riddle so i was hoping they would have a chance to hang out... and when we split into teams that one time they were all in malleus’s group... they didn’t talk much except for lovingly teasing bekky together but they were on the same screen a lot... thank u for these crumbs ig but they’re 2nd year overblot virgo buddies and they both get So many interactions with azul so why not with each other.... why’d you give union birthday riddlechan a SECOND azul duo when omekashi jami is still waiting for a riddle who wants to duo with him.... please....
-one joke that never gets old is nobody outside of diasomnia knowing that lilia is silver’s dad. i hope that kantokusei and maybe ignihyde (idia: how can you be my gamer buddy muscle crimson and also this kid’s dad i’m cryin) figure it out when main story ch 7 comes out but i would so happy if nobody else ever ever ever learned the truth.
-also very funny: rsa (chenya, neige, etc) sacrificing themselves to save us and everyone going “ok... that’s on them... none of my business if these evil flowers suck out all their magic, bye ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯”
-not event-related but actually if twisted wonderland is a place where all these disney villains explicitly won in their stories and are revered for it, how come the heroes still always win every time? they beat us in the dance competition, in the plushy iditarod, etc, and the conversation between rsa’s headmaster and crowley implied that Yes, This Happens Every Time. we know kantokusei’s seeing the “real” versions of all these disney movies in dreams and that something’s going on there. but how do we reconcile “everyone loves these villain guys who created the lands we are living in today” with “villains always lose”........ chapter 7 早う....
Speculation:
-kantokusei’s definitely going to roll up at the end leading an army of goats to eat up all the nasty flowers, right. right.
-rollo overblot??? i feel like most of the overblots in the main story have got to be the calculated result of some evil mastermind’s secret plot or something... some guy trying to farm those evil magic rocks our stupid cat keeps eating.... but this guy might have gone off the deep end all on his own which would be very funny. and i want to see his ob design.....
-so annoying that the ssr 3 read rollo’s diary and learned his tragic backstory but didn’t tell us about it onscreen bc they’re saving it for part 5 zzzzz but the way that esp. idia reacted (or that azul reacted to idia reading it) makes me think some magic went wrong and killed/hurt/disfigured his brother (or somebody, quasimoto equivalent?) and that’s why he wants to destroy all magic...
-how in the world are azul and idia going to stop malleus from straight-up murdering this dude lol
-what are they going to do for masks part 2 next year wwww a lot more rambunctious bunch is going to the masquerade.... and who will be the ssrs.... leona? treypai? kalim? i’d be grateful if lilia and cater appeared only as r cards uwu with diasomnia dorm ssrs coming out soon who knows how many gems i’ll have at this time next year...
btw if anyone wants to add me it’s player id CkN5E8V7 on jp (currently event malleus support [magic 5/5 sry], will change to omekashi jamil lvl 105+ after the event probably)
or id BzR8YBZk on en, level 90 dorm riddlechan support (magic 7/8 SORRY I’M SO LAZY) altho i might change to level 95 dorm jamil after i level his magic some more... once i raise his buddy levels since he finally just came home from that scarabia bait banner...
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elaborating on earlier when i was talking abt the wasted potential barry carried im mainly talking in regards to his redemption/post-coma writing. not saying his pre-coma portrayal was perfect by any means, i still got some problems w it, but in comparison he feels leagues more well-utilized as a character
idk how to explain it but it kinda feels like the writers dont know WHAT to do w him anymore. like a barry redemption has the potential to be so complex and dynamic and could lead to soooo many fun ideas and episodes and potential plot threads and so many new angles to explore but the writers just dont do ANYTHING INTERESTING WITH IT (avgn voice) WHAT WERE THEY THINKINGGGG??
like ok 11x4 was. fine. still has some MAJOR glaring issues that make me foam at the mouth, but on its own its alright for the most part, i still revisit it a lot and if i dont think abt it too much its fun. 12x8 on the other hand was where it all falls apart for me
like i’ll never forget how excited i was for that ep thinking it was gonna tackle at least some of the cool new potential themes and ideas his character now carries like YES ITS HAPPENING WE’RE WINNING WAHOOO YIPPEEEE .. and then they completely botched it. like i cant say they didnt try, the ep did have some good ideas but the way it was all executed was sooo :/ disappointing and boring and surface-level and tbh kinda felt shoehorned in for a quick easy source of conflict and drama rather than being naturally developed over the course of his arc to the point where it almost feels like an afterthought and its all just so FRUSTRATINGGGG. (shrek image) they didnt even follow up on the events of 11x4. sucks especially bc this episode was shaping up to be one of my favs ever and then it actually aired and it was the worst night of my entire life hate and violence on planet earth. and it honestly has me extremely worried for future seasons too bc on one hand im scared his death’s gonna stick and the end of his arc will be whatevr the hell that was,, but on the other im scared he’ll come back and the writers will continue to butcher his character the way they’re doin. idk which is scarier AAAAA. like maybe they’ll surprise me maybe they’ll fix the problems i have and do something fun and new with him im trying so hard to stay optimistic. but my hopes aren’t high at all. the bar is at the earths core. yes im sooo excited for s13 yippee yay. yes im also shaking like a wet lil dog whenever i think abt how its almost here bc my poor blorbo might get massacred further
also the ‘doesnt get enough screen time’ slot that i checked off plays into the wasted potential angle too. like i think prior to the coma seasons the amount he got was fine (i def wouldnt complain if he had more but for what he got yeah it works) but post-coma i think the whole ‘once a season’ thing doesnt work anymore now that they’ve taken him in this new direction that requires more focus and care to develop. like i said abt how 12x8 felt rly rushed with barry’s whole deal feeling like it was tossed in without much forethought, i think that wouldnt have been so much of a problem if he were allowed more episodes prior to DO ANYTHING to establish his character growth and new motives/ideals and relationships/dynamics with the rest of the team and his clear struggles with recovery and how having archer back in the picture is affecting him and MY GOD. archer fx staff give him some filler episodes RAT NAO IM SO SRS and i know im yelling at clouds here bc i doubt this is something they’re gonna work on in future seasons considering they’re prob gonna stick to the 8 ep structure forever now which means less time to build on their side characters which drives me so mad and also another thing why have him apart of the team at all if ur not gonna do ANYTHINGGGG WITH HIM WHATS THE POINT THEN like if u for some reason cant feature him in too many eps then at least make up an excuse as to where he is or SOMETHING to affirm hes an established team member like the show claims like is he apart of the agency or not HELLO IS ANYONE THERE CAN ANYONE HEAR ME ITS SO DARK AND COLD IN HERE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE HELP MEEEE
where am i going w this what am i talking abt im running on three hours of sleep here im not crazy i just want my babygirl sweet angel darling honeypie to have good writing and a meaningful well-realized arc and fun interesting relationship dynamics and character complexity/depth and actual thought and attention put into his development SO SO BAD I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE AUUUGHH AUUAHAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (DATS ME YELLIN)
#IF NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY GOD DAMN SENSE DONT WORRY ABT IT im half asleep. didnt even mean for this turn into a vent#someday i’ll like actually detail all the things wrong w his writing and then you’ll ALL SEE but for now yeah. this shows frustrating </3#prayer circle for his writing to be good in s13 or im killing the hostages#👻.evp#long post#mutuals watching me go insane over this man like why don’t u barry urself in some bitches
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#this is gonna be so annoying but ive been feeling god awful as of late. like my emotions have put a real damper in my ability to carry#myself at all. the physical ache is so strong & im scared it wont go away. i know it will cause it always does - emotions always ebb & flow#ya know - but it's just that powerful & present that i cant imagine it going away. i hate when that happens so much i get desperate for that#men in black mind eraser thing so i can get rid if the thing upsetting me. but this isnt just one thing it's the compounding of all the#weirdness ive felt since quarantine began and i have no one to talk to about it. i can hardly talk about it cause i have no real idea whats#going on with me.#on a more funny but relevant note: ive never read t&s and have no intention of doing so bc i know i cant handle mcds. but for some reason#just hearing about it or seeing lines from it makes me start crying >:( ive always known im sensitive but damn. help girl i cant stop crying#over a destiel fanfic that ive never even read. not just t&s though (mostly t&s) but other random fics ppl are talking about like a graced#kingdom. fanfics that i also havent read. sigh. but srs some passage from t&s showed up on my dash and i cant stop thinking about it#and every time i do it once again activates my tears and leads me down a destructive thought process i just hate it so much hate hate hate#okay thats over ill delete this once im better and remember to hggshdhfjf
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Drunknap
idk why i wrote this, idk when i wrote this, but i found it and its your problem now /lh but also /srs
psa this includes the act of drinking alcohol before the legal age which for legal reasons i do not condone. actually I don't condone any drinking of alcohol bc that shit is nasty i hate it
Bad things happen when the Dream Team gets bored.
They decided to get Sapnap drunk. Despite how concerning that sentence was with no context, they thought it was a great idea. He'd be safer than getting drunk for the first time at a bar, plus then they'd know what kind of drunk he was so they could keep an eye on him once he turns 21 and they start going out drinking together. He'd be totally supervised and if things went south there was a bathroom five steps down the hall and he could lay down for a nap basically anywhere. It definitely didn't have anything to do with wanting funny videos of Sapnap stumbling around the house or babbling secrets, no, of course not.
When did things go south? When they found out Sapnap was a cuddly drunk.
"I mish baby," he whined, voice muffled as he tried to burrow deeper into George's shirt. George didn't mind at all becoming the Texan's personal teddy- he was always a little sheepish about physical contact when he was sober so George never realized what a furnace the younger was. Meanwhile Dream kept a bit of distance- he always preferred to be the one initiating contact so a cuddly drunk was a tad out of his comfort zone.
"I know, we miss her, too," George cooed, rubbing up and down Sapnap's back. He felt bad for inflicting this on him as he heard Sap sniffle against his chest. "Baby's gonna be home very soon, though, she should be on the train right now. How about we watch some TV while we wait, okay?"
Sapnap let out a mumble, but luckily they didn’t have to try to translate it because they heard your key in the front door. “Baby!!” He stumbled off the couch, scrambling to his feet and rushing to the front door. He tripped and fell, managing to catch himself from face planting (George mentally commended him for that, he was already doing better than his first time drunk). He pushed himself onto his knees just as you opened the door, his face lighting up as he held out his arms for you. “Baby,” he cheered.
You hesitated, taking note of his red face, wet eyes, and the bottles of alcohol on the counter. “Hi, baby,” you carefully hummed, closing the door behind you and stepping forward so Sapnap could bury his face in your stomach, arms wrapped loosely around your hips. “Oh, sweetheart, what did those two do to you,” you asked, narrowing your eyes at the two sitting on the couch. They sheepishly smiled at you, sighing in relief as Sapnap stole your attention again.
“Baby, come cuddle,” he whimpered, tugging on your shirt.
“Okay, hun,” you cooed, guiding him to his feet. “Come on, let’s go lay in bed, huh?” You turned a glare on the other two again. “George and Dream are gonna clean up.”
“Yes, darling,” George sheepishly muttered as you took Sapnap up stairs. “...I think turning the youngest into a big baby for her to coddle might’ve not been our best idea.”
“You think she’d baby me like that if I got drunk?”
“Hell no, he’s way cuter than you.”
“Oh, fuck you.”
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rating artem wing’s sweater collection
i need to feel something so i’m going down the list of artem’s shockingly extensive sweater collection. please enjoy my descent into insanity.
casual attire
this is it. this is our base we’re working off of. this is the original. looking at it up close, it’s more grey than i remember, but a staple nonetheless. i like how you can pull the turtleneck up. incredible. need to work on unlocking this outfit in game. 7/10.
the Classic
a legend in its sweater community. described as being incredibly soft, this absolute staple made its grand comeback with artem’s halloween sr. existing in both normal, apron, AND chibi form, it’s hard to beat this cream colored ensemble. i can only describe it as an irish sweater? but BETTER? because it has a turtleneck and quite frankly looks more comfortable than one. 11/10. can’t beat this shit. look he even rolled up the sleeves in the second pic, it has RANGE.
this sweater i didn’t even know existed until someone pointed it out to me
i love the pattern we got going on here. it goes from a cream color to a warm brown; it reminds me of a toblerone chocolate bar for some reason. it also looks really warm and comfortable, so bonus points for that. however, some points are gonna have to be deducted for the lack of a turtleneck. artem goes for the save with the button up underneath but it’s not enough to totally recover it. 6/10. also this sweater looks really familiar for some reason????
oh that’s why it looks familiar
this is basically just the superior version of the sweater above. also its in chibi form. i like the implication that artem owns two sweaters w identical patterns but one has a turtleneck while the other doesn’t. 10/10.
that one fit he wears in loving memories
sorry i blacked out bc i just experienced an actual color for a second. love the sass of this one. the red velvety look is perfect for getting your phone confiscated, stumbling around in a haunted house during a power outage, and falling in a prop coffin w your “we are Definitely only work partners and nothing more” work partner. would do again. 7/10.
white sweater
oh okay, so we’re back to the basic colors. knew i couldn’t live in luxury for too long. this one just looks really crisp and nice, especially w the white jacket. bit simple though so i’m gonna have to give it a 6/10. also imagine getting a stain out of this one. nightmare.
black sweater
thank god for a second i thought we were missing a monochromatic staple. i actually really like this one, the black looks nice and classy. i think i’m biased though bc i wear black turtlenecks all the time so i feel a bond with this one. top ten sweaters to wear while getting walked in on getting changed. 9/10.
holy shit it’s a sweater vest
hold on!!! we got a shake up!!! we got a sweater VEST (IT COUNTS OKAY)! i feel genuinely rattled right now. not a suit and tie? not a sweater? artem wing you fashion devil, i’m so proud of you. i like the blue with the white accenting. 7/10.
casual grey - but with a twist!
and finally we got artem’s top-up ssr. not sure if this is what his casual sweater actually looks like (if it is, just assume its bumped up to what i rate this), but i felt like this was different enough to warrant its own rating. i adore the accenting on his shoulder, it’s absolutely gorgeous. it’s subtle but really nice. also this sweater apparently does wonders for one’s Tits. noted. 10/10.
okay that is all, i’m sorry if i missed one but i just can’t believe he owns this many sweaters. love that for him. time to question my life choices now.
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Good day to you. Or at any time you're reading this. I hope you have delishus meal. Here I offer you my long commentary for SN ch. 6:
First and foremost, I want to address the most important thing, a statement we all will agree of: SATORU WHAT THE FFFF...ISHY FISH!
The paragraphs of y/n inner thoughts were beautiful. You pushed and pulled us it felt like we are going to take a step, but hesitated, and ended up not doing, but kinda will do it, but kinda not? Love it 💞
Now that Gen expressed her initial concern about y/n and Hoejo's marriage, I felt that 💥pang💥 in my chest because, wonder if Gen finds out... And no, am not gonna talk about Creston Sr. finding out either. He'll blame himself so much I pictured he'd be on his knees begging for forgiveness to his wife for marrying their daughter to ugly burnt pan. P a i n.
Anyway... 😍Toji being the pretty, polished, non sticky pan😍 imagine a scene where y/n will talk to Megumi in such motherly tone in front of Toji. P a i n (2).
The Satoru x Sera (aka Stupid²) car convo was okay to me even when they ask each other why the hide things from each other (cz I'm just so done with them) (tho I was also highkey glad bcs awww plant those suspicions in your unconciousness babe ♡ plant those ugly thoughts until you suspect each other ♡)
But the moment that Hoejo said "she does not have me" wow. W O W.
Very cocky of a man who need his wife to get a CEO position don't ya think??? And what would you be if you don't have her dear Hoejoe Jr.???
Not gonna comment on Satoru being rude to his mum. She, after all, regardless of the reasons, abandoned him and suddenly showed up. That kind of anger is justified for me personally. But no matter what he still needs to be respectful and polite. Could've just asked her to leave mannerly, u kno...
Also the "there are three of us in this marriage" lmaooooo YAAAAZ KWEEN 👑
I personally confirm that Satoru has BOTH daddy and mommy issues. I feel sorry for his nightmare and all, and bro I genuinely hope you'll make peace with your past, but boye you don't bring promises of 6 years olds kiddoz when I don't even remember what was my lunch the day before!!! Y/n was 6 and now you have mistress. DUH.
I won't be surprised if Hoejoe Satoru redemption arc happen and y/n decide to still divorce him so he could heal himself first 🤔
Last but not least, "Hey Siri, unfold the drama for Hoejo Sr. 65th birthday in chapter 7."
*glimmering eyes*
I forgot to ask but will we have any chapter that explain Satoru and his mum's back story? Or any narration of Yuuta's thoughts about his mum and Satoru's dad marriage? Thank you! ♡
1) yess y/n got swayed by gojo’s affection 😣 2) her dad will be very devastated when he finds out that his daughter’s marriage was a total failure 3) creston is just a company name, not their surname gahah 4) megumi x y/n meetup needs to happen ai pls 😭 5) NOT STUPID2 HLEPDJD 6) gojo to sera: she doesn’t have me. gojo to y/n: don’t divorce me how are dare you!!1! 7) y/n got mad at how gojo treats his mom bc she lost her own and she feels kinda sensitive abt it 🥺 8) gojo def needs to heal before he can truly love someone 9) gojo’s mom’s backstory will be briefly discussed by him next chapter depending on my wc, but it’ll appear 10) thank u for reading and taking the time to send me ur reaction <33
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How do all the other stands feel ab sr? I’m sure they all somewhat get along, right?
i’ve been wanting to give a longer, traditional hc style post about this!! since you’ve asked it’s the perfect opportunity to express my thoughts on it. it’s more of a combination of SR with the user and their stand, i hope that’s okay hjrktme
Bruno Bucciarati;
Sticky Fingers is the first Stand from Bucciarati’s group that you got to see! So there’s a special place in your heart for it. By extension, Bruno was the first person to see Scarlet Ribbons. SR was very inquisitive during their initial meeting, since it’s the first time she ever saw a Stand other than herself. She was looking around a lot, and lowkey wondering where are this things bows at??
Though Stand powers wildly vary from one another, Bruno was able to give you a general explanation of what to expect from SR. He didn’t want to go too overboard with advice because he feels a natural fighting style stemming from your own abilities/instinct is best, especially since your Stand is created from your soul. He basically just told you to go with your gut, which at the time felt a bit frustrating... it turned out to be good advice though!
Sticky Fingers and SR have almost opposite abilities in a way? SR can close up gaps whereas Sticky Fingers opens them up. It’s not uncommon that when you and Bruno are chatting, that your respective Stands are just kinda messing around in the distance. Sticky Fingers likes making zippers in walls, and SR tries to see if she can close them with ribbons... it doesn’t work like that, but it’s kinda endearing to see them interact with one another lmao.
Giorno Giovanna;
It’s gonna be super cute okay. Giorno in general might give the impression of knowing what he’s doing when it comes to romance, but he really is just winging it and kinda going ??? the entire time. Meanwhile, Gold Experience is going ham with SR, pulling all the stops to impress her (and you, by extension). His Stand makes flowers of a striking red color, trying to match the shade of SR’s ribbons!! Mostly poppies, tulips, and occasionally roses.
Giorno is kinda curious how SR seems to be out a lot of the time, he’s thinking should I do the same thing with GE...? You’ll be doing exercises, and SR is there bringing a water bottle over to you. Or when you’re cooking, SR is hovering over your shoulder wanting to help out as well. She’s just almost always around, even if only in the background to explore her surroundings. It makes Giorno let GE out more often, subconsciously.
He does ask you about it once, and you just kinda shrug and say SR likes the freedom to do as she pleases. Since she isn’t rambunctious like Pistols, you don’t see the harm in letting her roam around.
Gold Experience wants to try making ribbons, but the best it can do is creating ribbon eels. It’s not quite the same, but it’s a solid effort. Giorno just has to stop GE from putting the ribbon eel on his head in the same way SR has a ribbon on hers. Mista was around to witness this historical event, and no, he does not intend on letting Giorno live it down. Giorno’s grateful he stopped it from actually happening though.
Guido Mista;
Let’s just say your Stands together can be pretty chaotic. The first time you met Mista, and he realized you were a Stand user like himself, he had a very pressing question. When you showed him SR, he looked at it for a moment, as if in deep thought.
“D-does... yours talk too?”
Mista passed Polpo’s test only to be gifted talented, albeit troublesome little gremlins. Before he realized giving Pistols food is a reliable method of calming them down, it was a war zone. One of the mornings where the two of you had to do some standard protection fee collection, he looked like a borderline zombie. Lamenting that the Pistols refused to let him sleep, and asked if you’d please use SR to cover their mouths lmao. They were protesting the entire time, trying to convince you not to do it.
When Number Five starts crying, SR makes a little ribbon to put on his head!! It’s super cute and Mista’s heart is just leaping in his chest. Then, of course, all the other Pistols want one bc equal attention!! When the two of you aren’t paying solid attention to your Stands, you’ll sometimes spot SR testing how many accessories she can fit on the tiny Pistols. It isn’t a lot but they’re insistent on trying.
Pistols are always trying to get SR to do crazy stunts for their entertainment. Eventually, you had to lock your refrigerator with her ribbons to prevent the Pistols from stealing your food. But when you’re busy, the Pistols keep trying to convince SR to undo them so they can snack. She actually felt bad for them once, released the restriction, and the Pistols went to town on your leftovers. : (
Mista felt pity for you though and offered to take you out to get more food!! So it all worked out for his benefit in the end. The Pistols do not take issue in reminding him of this as well, saying that they’re the reason he got to go on a date with you. :’ )
Pannacotta Fugo;
He remained fiercely adamant on keeping Purple Haze from you for the longest time. Fugo hates how his Stand practically comes out of its own autonomy whenever you’re in the vicinity, wanting to get a closer look at you. There have been a lot of close calls when you first got to know when another, leading to Fugo abruptly leaving in conversations.
Your Stands get along well once Fugo feels comfortable enough to let Purple Haze out around you. Since SR is a long ranged Stand, she can do her cute ribbon tricks from a distance outside of the virus’ range!! Though she has a habit of trying to get closer, just out of curiosity. Fugo gets freaked out when this happens though, so she waits until he’s distracted with talking to you (a little genius)!
Purple Haze makes the biggest puppy dog eyes at SR, which humiliates Fugo to no end. He gives his Stand intense talks when you’re not around, telling him to keep it cool, he doesn’t want you thinking he’s an idiot. But as soon as he even mentions SR, Purple Haze gets all thrilled and is like !!! So it’s ultimately counterproductive. Fugo just hopes you don’t put two and two together, over why his soul likes yours so much. It’s his daily prayer...
Fugo has an embarrassing habit of doodling ribbons on stuff he’s working on, when he starts zoning out. When he realizes what it is he’s doing he gets flustered about it, cursing underneath his breath and hoping that you don’t happen to come by and notice. Unfortunately for him, as SR likes to see what everyone is up to, she came over and saw what he was doing. After putting two and two together, she gave him a nod and a thumbs up on his doodles. Didn’t snitch to you though, so the two of them have a mutual understanding. :’)
Narancia Ghirga;
He wants so badly to impress you with Aerosmith. Narancia will whip his Stand out in your presence at any given opportunity, having it do a few flips and tricks more than necessary. Then he stares over to see what you and SR think about it... she once clapped in Aerosmith’s honor. It was all Narancia could think about for the rest of the day.
The two Stands typically just play around with one another. Aerosmith likes to make little ribbon shaped clouds, and SR attempts making a plane shape out of her ribbons. It’s not quite the same, but she’s trying!! Narancia finds it adorable, and tries to make requests of shapes and stuff for her to make. SR does her best to fulfill the requests, concentrating hard on the task!!
Since SR enjoys making hair accessories, she’s tried to make a bandanna similar to Narancia’s for you. Though she ultimately scrapped the idea, giving you a disapproving look and fastening it back into the normal bow it normally is lmao. When you mentioned this behavior to Narancia he was like wait, what?? Lemme see! But if SR doesn’t find something fashionable, she doesn’t have any intention on doing it again. So he’s outta luck...
It doesn’t stop him from asking about it. He just can’t believe that your Stand thought about him when he wasn’t around!! It touched him in a way he never knew possible. It’s also a bit of a relief since you’re often the subject of his thoughts.
Leone Abbacchio;
Similar in a sense to Fugo, where he didn’t want Moody Blues around you that much at first. He takes a much more serious approach to his Stand than others, since it’s deeply rooted in his past trauma. It’d actually be one of the few moments he might snap at you, should you ask to see his Stand one too many times. Not out of malicious intent, he’s just... very disillusioned with Moody Blues at first.
You two had a job which required some investigative work, the client having seemingly disappeared with some goods that belonged to Passione. Figuring out what happened with the merchandise was essentially child’s play for Moody Blues, a replay showing the full extent of the events. Abbacchio wasn’t keen on showing you his Stand, but it couldn’t be helped any longer.
Unlike the others who tended to pester him on the extent of Moody Blues’ abilities, you just complimented him. Saying that it’s similar in utility to your Stand. You willingly comparing yourself to him, and in a positive light nonetheless, kinda had him at a loss for words.
He didn’t really offer a strong rebuttal like he normally would, so you assumed he didn’t think much of your comment. Which, of course, couldn’t be further from the truth. If you could see good in him of all people, then well... there was a lot for him to think about that night.
After this incident, he’s noticeably just a tad kinder to you in general. What you said meant a lot to him. Obviously not enough to make all his self deprecation go away overnight, but it just gave a small glimmer of hope. That maybe he can someday be better.
Trish Una;
Another person that I picture SR being especially adorable with!! After the events of Bruno betraying the boss, you and SR would be feeling hurt on Trish’s behalf. You instantly draw the parallels of living a carefree life, only for Passione/gangsters to come in and essentially ruin everything.
While dealing with the pain of rejection from her father figure, Trish also wonders if you consider her less important. Since your original job was to protect her, due to being the boss’ daughter, wouldn’t it make sense you don’t care about her now that it’s no longer your job to?
SR covers the spot where her hand was severed with a bow, even after Giorno properly heals it. Trish just looks at you confused, and you explain it’s your Stand’s way of wanting to help her feel better. That where her father had inflicted pain, Trish has the support and strength from you and herself to overcome it.
Needless to say, Trish thinks highly over you, the feeling extending over to Spice Girl. During your meetups after everything is over, Spice Girl and Scarlet Ribbons come out and embrace one another!! Well, it’s more like SR goes for the hug, and Spice Girl is just :’) woah affection. Trish finds it a little embarrassing at first, but secretly loves and it and looks forward to it. Though she does wish Spice Girl was a tad more discreet.
During Trish’s travels for her singing career, if there’s anything that even vaguely reminds her/Spice Girl of you, she snaps a photo to text to you. It’s mostly red hair accessories and clothing, which she of course purchases. Spice Girl misses SR a lot, so expect to receive a lot of texts asking how you and your Stand are doing.
When Scarlet Ribbon spots Trish’s name popping up on your phone, she immediately brings it over. The Stand impatiently shoves your phone in your face, as if to say respond now!! It’s Trish, it’s important!! Scarlet Ribbons loves her a lot 🥺 especially since Trish sends her accessories...
#Bruno Bucciarati#bruno x reader#bruno bucciarati x reader#Giorno Giovanna#giorno#giovanna giorno#giorno x reader#guido mista#mista x reader#mista imagine#fugo panacotta#fugo x reader#fugo panacotta x reader#Narancia#narancia x reader#narancia ghirga x reader#leone abbacchio#leone abbachio x reader#abbacchio x reader#trish x reader#trish una#trish una x reader#scarlet ribbons#JoJo's Bizzare Adventure#jojo's bizarre adventures#JJBA#jjba x reader#vento aureo x reader#my stuff
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No Harm List Pt.4
Word Count: 7.2k
Summary: You live in a city where crime runs rampant. One day, you save a young boy's life, not knowing that he is the most powerful crime lord's heir. And you have just been put on the no harm list.
Trigger warnings: DESCRIPTION OF PANIC ATTACK!! I really took my time with writing this, trying my hardest to convey these feelings without being triggering. I also tried to make it as comforting as possible, but if you are feeling a little anxious maybe save this fic for a better day. Mental health first!
Additional warnings: mentions of violence, explicit language, mentions of death,
Genre: Romance, angst, violence, gang/mafia AU,
Rating: 18+ (bc of mentions of violence there’s no sexual content)
<- Pt.3
"Hobi, I don't wanna be mad. I just wanna know the truth,” you pleaded, voice wavering. And that was the truth, you felt like you could care less if he was in a gang. It was Alcorn, you had to be in a gang to survive if you weren't rich.
Upon seeing your eyes water and your lip tremble, Hoseok instantly wished you would scream at him. He didn't want to hurt you. He didn't mean for it to go this far. For you two to get so close after his sister's death, or for him to lie to you for so long. He told himself he kept you out of it for your safety, but really it was just too easy for him to live two lives, for you to look at him like he wasn't a murderer and for him to pretend for a few hours that he wasn't.
He sighed, sitting on the couch, and you plopped down next to him and waited patiently for him to gather his thoughts.
"I guess it's best to start at the very beginning, which was when I was around 16," he started.
"I lived in the same neighborhood as these two guys RM and Suga. They had actually served some time for getting busted with another gang, the Dime Lions, they're long gone now but basically, some shit went down during some kind of gang raid, and RM and Suga ended up taking the fall for it. Instead of the Dime Lions busting them out of jail, they left them there and basically disowned them afterward."
You nodded along to let him know you were following.
"Anyways RM and Suga, they had a rough start when they got out of the gang, both were bastards, street rats on the Westside they never had anyone to look out for them. So they did the only thing they could do at the time to survive, which was breaking it to cars and shit and cleaning them out. I don't just mean personal belongings of these guys took engine parts, piping, tiers they took it all, and sold it to any scrap shops they could find. At the time, I was working at my uncle's scrapyard. I knew RM and Suga when they were in middle school before they joined the Dime Lions. They stayed with the foster family that lived in my neighborhood. I knew they had been kicked out of the house and were basically living with the Lion's, so when I saw they were working alone, I got curious. For a year or so, I convinced my uncle to continue buying from them even when he started getting a little suspicious about the guys stealing. The guys knew I looked out for them, and we were cool for a while. Then my mom got sick," he paused for a moment looking away from you.
You reached out and placed your hand on his leg knowing how hard it was for him to talk about his mom and Dawon.
Collecting himself, Hoseok went on, "So I asked for an in with the guys, I needed money and I knew cars. I could remove the parts more effectively than they could. I also knew some clientele who were always coming by and buying parts because they flip cars for fun, those guys were easy targets. So I guess the three of us were a little gang of misfits for a while, I used the money to help pay for mom's treatment. They used the money to survive.
Then we started taking some younger ones under our wing. RM and Suga got their own place and opened their doors to some kids in a rough spot like they were. But as we got bigger, we started getting sloppy. We had been at it for about a year at this point. The guys started taking on some other jobs, but I stuck to what I did best. I wasn't really interested in broadening my horizons. Like I said, we had been at it for a while, and I got cocky, I guess. We had a few scuffles here and there, but we always got out of them okay. Then one night, we got busted scraping a car at some guy's house, and he shot me in the leg, and the cops got me. RM ended up bailing me out of jail, and Suga, Suga got me a gun."
He shifted in his seat and looked at you nervously, "I wanted out at this point, mom was basically on her deathbed, and I was all Dawon had. I couldn't risk going to jail, ya know. I owed RM money for bail, but my uncle got me a job as an actual mechanic, I thought I could earn money the honest way, pay them back and then Dae and I could just go back to our lives. But then the doctors told us about some experimental treatment that could possibly cure mom. How the hell could I pass that up? I would have done anything to help her get better." his brows furrowed as he tightened his fist into balls.
"So I stayed. At this point, BTS was growing, it was an official gang, tattoo and all. We had recruited Jin, who came from money, he used some of his trust fund to fund BTS and help us grow, and RM was starting to get a little ambitious. He wanted territory, he wanted me to take the tattoo and be his third." Hobi squeezed his eyes shut as he let out a sigh, he felt like he had to force the words out of him to confess his sins to you.
"I told you Suga got me a gun after the arrest, and it ended up I'm a really good shot, so good I didn't even have to kill a guy for a long time. I researched where to shoot to keep someone down for a long while without it being fatal, so that's what I did. I worked a few more jobs for RM, we did a big heist. Actually, that was our big break. A team of six other guys and I broke into this old rich dude's mansion, nearly cleaned out his safe when we split the money most of the guys put a percentage into my pot. I walked out that night with almost enough to pay for mom's treatment in full.
I told RM I wouldn't be his third, and he offered me an out, I just needed to take one more job for him, and he would pay out the rest of mom's bills, so that's what I did. I killed for the first time, and then I was free. I wouldn't have to do any of it again. Well, that's what I intended," he paused, his voice growing softer.
You tried to keep your face neutral as he revealed the horrors to you. Not that it mattered Hoseok couldn't even bring himself to look at you.
"Mom ended up passing that night." he laughed, a bitter sound that felt foreign to the kind man you knew, "I swear whatever cruel god is out there pulling all the strings did it to punish me. To let me know, they saw what I had become and that I didn't deserve to have people I love in my life. I wasn't good enough to feel love in this world,"
"Hobi, that's not-" he cut you off with a bitter laugh as he looked upwards to hold back his tears. The motion made him seem as though he was searching for the fates he mocked. "Don't y/n, I know what I am,"
"Dae was a senior when mom passed, and it absolutely broke her. I had to fight to get her to go to school for those last few months. Hell, it was a fight to get her out of bed for her graduation. Her exit exams were a disaster, and the councilors at the college were understanding, for the most part. They still admitted her to the school, but not a drop of financial aid was offered to her. She deserved so much more," Hobi's voice was laced with bitter disdain, his eyes looking far off.
"So I did everything I could to give it to her. I borrowed from Namjoon, enough to cover her entire admission at Alcorn University."
"Hobi, that's so much," you couldn't hold the comment in. It was near impossible for an ordinary person to buy their way into Alcorn if they didn't get scholarships, the tuition at the prestigious school was over $20,000 a semester for admission alone.
"And I did it, I had Jin make up a fake scholarship for her, send her a cute little letter telling her about the award. She thought that she earned a full ride, and I let her believe it. I even borrowed enough so she would stay in the dorms, I figured it would be safest to keep her out of the house. I didn't know what kind of jobs RM was going to have me do."
"I took the tattoo, and killing became more of a normal thing for me. It started to get easier, I kept my distance and tried my hardest to not even see their eyes.
There was a big turf war that year. I don't know, the city was on the brink of a recession, a lot of big players in the city were changing the rules of the game. Business owners fought to take down other businesses simply so theirs could stay open, the market was a disaster. I never cared about the politics of any of it, I just did what I was told, and because of that, I'm still not totally sure all I did that year. What lives I took. Who all I hurt. I did everything I could to forget those nights and the blood. I told myself I was doing it for a good reason, ya know.
I didn't want to know, I thought I would save that for the day I'm standing outside of hell, and they list off every single one of my evil deeds before they sentence their judgment." Hoseok's vacant eyes started to shine with tears.
"And that was the stupidest fucking thing I could have ever done. I had no clue who had it out for me, I had started feeling invincible. I didn't even consider that someone would want to take their revenge, I had killed Kim Martin Sr.'s son."
Your blood chilled at the name, and he didn't look at you as he continued.
"He was some big business owner or something, I was supposed to kill him, but there was a mix-up, and I got his son, Kim Martin Jr. instead. Whoever made the call decided that killing his son was just as effective because the grief practically destroyed him. A few misguided stock investments, while he was grieving, crashed his empire. He lost everything and had to move to the Westside in the aftermath.
Suga kept good tabs on the guy, but then he fell off the grid. We figured he left town or hell maybe he died. We didn't consider him a threat, he showed no interest in coming after BTS, so I didn't even think to keep an eye out for Dawon."
You felt hot tears roll down your face as you realized what happened. The media painted Martin as the bad guy. They accused him of losing his business after his son died due to extreme drug abuse. The city officials wrote him off as such a pathetic low life, that come the time of his death that his murder was barely investigated. It was simply declared a drug deal gone wrong. But he was a father, a father who lost everything to a hitman and wanted to return the favor.
Hoseok believed he didn't deserve love. Whatever higher power that was calling the shots took everything away from him as punishment.
You think of your best friend now long passed, her beautiful smile and contagious laugh. The way she could always read you and knew exactly what you needed, whether it be your favorite ice cream on your period or a trip to the botanical gardens in the middle of the night when she knew you were missing home a bit more than normal.
There was a loose glass in the greenhouse that hosted the plants native to your home. You would both scale the fence to the gardens late at night and push that glass panel in and carefully crawl into the greenhouse. The air would be filled with the floral scents you grew up with, and you would just walk the rows of plants and run your fingers over the velvet petals and waxy leaves.
Until Dawon would play music, a playlist the two of you made of songs in your native tongue. You would dance around the humid greenhouse singing on the top of your lungs while Dawon would laugh and clap along, excitedly shouting with you when she recognized a word or two.
You thought about the way you and Hoseok both carried a burden of guilt after she passed. Until now, you had felt like you failed her as a best friend and roommate.
For three years, you had tortured yourself with thoughts like if you hadn't procrastinated so much on your assignments that week, you would have been home when she decided to make a late snack run. You told yourself the robber probably wouldn't have stopped her if you were together. You reasoned that two of you would have deterred her as a target.
Or maybe he would have just shot you instead. Dawon would have recovered from the loss so much better, she had Hoseok to comfort her and family and friends to support her. You were merely an exchange student in a city with no morals, loved by no one, but taken in out of guilt by her brother. It would've been a better trade.
You tortured yourself with these thoughts day and night consumed with feelings similar to survivor's guilt.
You never understood Hoseok's guilt, until tonight, you felt like there was nothing he could have done to make that night play out differently. But now you realize he could have anything, and it might have made a difference.
"Y/n, I understand if you hate me," Hoseok said softly, watching the tears that dripped down your cheek as you processed everything he told you.
"I wanted to honor Dawon's wish. I didn't expect you to do so much for me, for you to become my best friend and for you to make me feel normal. I kept this from you because you were the closest thing to her I had left. There was a time where I thought I would distance myself from you when you moved out. That I would just become another hazy detail to the tragedy, and you would move on completely with your life, but y/n you were so sad, and you needed me too.
When you moved out, I was terrified of something happening to you. I couldn't stop myself from checking up on you. I couldn't let us grow apart." Hoseok's voice broke off as you looked at him, the pain and betrayal in your eyes.
"Y/n, you're the closest thing I have to redemption, protecting you, being your friend is the last thread of humanity I have left, I can't lose you," he pleaded.
"You watched me blame myself," you whispered accusingly, your eyes shining with betrayal.
"You watched me tear myself apart, and used comforting me to make you feel better about yourself?"
He flinched at your words, "I tried everything I could to convince you there was nothing you could have done," Hobi argued feebly.
"Everything but tell the truth," you hissed as hot tears rolled down your cheek.
You got up as a sob escaped you, your face red and snot running from your nose. Hoseok stood with you, but you flinched away with a broken no.
"I need time, Hoseok," you begged.
You swallowed thickly as you did everything in your power to keep it together, "I don't want to hate you, but please, I need time to think about everything," you assured. Even knowing what he did, he was right. You needed him too. If you lost him, you truly didn't have anyone in the city who cared if you lived or died tomorrow. And maybe settling for that made you your own kind of monster.
It was funny how he claimed such a tarnished person could be his redemption.
You secure your bag to your shoulder, stepping out into the night air and pulling the door closed behind you. You couldn't even bring yourself to lock the door behind you, afraid that if you stopped moving for one second that you would completely break down and be unable to make it home. You only hoped Hoseok was smart enough to check the door behind you and make sure to lock it.
You counted the stairs as you made your descent and into the parking lot, making an effort to take in your surroundings. You tried to list off the colors of the cars as you passed them, and while some distant part of you did the action, you still felt like the effort wasn't reaching whatever corner of your brain you were hiding in.
You got a lot better with controlling your anxiety attacks as you made it further in college, even going as far as taking advantage of the university's free therapy sessions to get professional guidance in your junior year. You defaulted to your go-to grounding technique as your feet moved of their own accord to carry you home. 5,4,3,2,1 was an exercise that made you aware of your surroundings and tether yourself to this world when your mind felt a dimension away.
The technique walked you through your five senses, making you list off 5 things you could see, 4 things you could feel, 3 things you could hear, two things you could smell, and one thing you could taste. Even in your most anxious moments, you were a slut for making a good list. You always found this exercise more soothing than any breathing technique.
Your eyes searched without really seeing as you tried to find five things you could see around you. Straining yourself to really take in your surroundings, you settled for a yellow fire hydrant, a car parked on the side of the road, a penny on the ground, a drainage inlet tucked into the curb, and finally your own yellow shoes pacing down the concrete sidewalk.
You were going to be okay, you reminded yourself as you took an intentional breath.
Next, four things you can touch, you focused on your breathing as you reached an arm out to graze your fingertips along with the rough brick of the building you walked by.
You shifted a little more with each step, concentrating on how the fabric of your clothes moved across your skin and curling your toes into the padding of your shoes. You didn't count each feeling, your wandering mind struggling to really take in each sensation, but you were sure you touched four things by now.
This was a mistake you often caught yourself making when counting down like this. Sometimes you were in such a rush to reach the end and get to one as if identifying one taste would magically make all your anxieties go away that you forget to take it slow and really center yourself.
Three things you can hear, it was at the time, as you strained to let the world in through the all-consuming pounding of your heart in your ears, that you realized you were whimpering to yourself slightly. The awareness of your own vulnerability made you stumble as your mind spiraled, and you struggled to find something to tether you back to the earth.
You began walking faster before realizing you're not certain you were going the right way. So you came to a halt, realizing you couldn't bring yourself to focus enough to take in your surroundings. You stared at the street sign for a long time, repeating the letters to yourself as you made them form a word finally settling on Gardenia.
Your breathing hitched as you realized you had wandered off the main streets and into a neighborhood in your daze. You were lost, but you couldn't bring yourself to care about it, and the lack of fear flashed an alarm in your mind that let you know you were too far gone to count away your anxieties.
You struggled to breathe as you tried to come up with a decision. You needed to ground yourself to calm down. You needed to list off 5 things you could see, fourth things you could feel, three things you could hear, two things you could smell, and one thing you could taste. You knew the only way to bring yourself back to the world was to become aware of your settings.
But it felt as if the part of your brain that knew all these things didn't even touch whatever part of your mind was controlling you now. You were better off giving directions to the light pole you stood under.
You felt your breathing get harder as you desperately gasped in all the air you could. Your arms and legs began to tingle as your body over oxidized, and your head began to spin.
Slowly you slumped to the ground, wrapping your arms around the light pole you had stopped under as you spiraled.
What were you even doing before this moment? How did you even get here? You forced your eyes open wide, hoping the action would make you actually see and register what you were looking at to no avail.
What were you doing, what were you doing, what were you doing?
You struggled to reign in your thoughts of your laughing best friend and her crying brother. Or was it your crying best friend and his dead sister?
You were supposed to find three things you could hear. Your crying doesn't count. A more logical voice seemed to get through to you.
You strained your ears to hear past your own breathing, you could hear a frog croaking in the grass nearby, you felt the earth beneath you to confirm you had in fact settled in a patch of grass. You smiled to yourself proud of your progress as you continued to listen as you continued to listen. You heard the electricity buzzing in the light pole you had wrapped your arms around, you felt almost childlike as you opened your eyes. Actually, seeing this time as you looked up at the pole, you were around.
You needed one more sound, you strained your ears, expecting to be met with something like a far off car driving by. Instead, you heard your name being called. You blinked as you turned away from the street lamp and towards the repeating sound of a familiar set of syllables coming from a familiar voice.
Jungkook jogged up to as he saw you curled around a lamppost. Even from a distance, he could see the rapid way your chest was rising and falling in that familiar chaotic rhythm he only saw when he found Taehyung or Yoongi having a panic attack. You looked up at him with a tear-stained face and saw the confusion of his presence take you off guard and snap whatever control you had over yourself.
Your face crumpled as a sob broke from your chest, and you turned away from him and curled yourself around the light pole a little tighter.
Jungkook felt such a rush of guilt and panic at the sight of you so broken that he ignored the dull ache in his knees as he instinctively fell down in the grass next to you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you from the cold metal pole, trying to position comfortably in his chest.
Jungkook shifted as he uncurled his legs from beneath his body and stretched them out next to yours in front of him, trying to touch as much of his body to you in comfort. You didn't resist, but the jolting motions did seem to make you more upset for a short moment. Jungkook realized he forgot to ask for permission to touch you before he acted.
He knew Tae preferred physical comfort to calm down, but sometimes it could act more as a trigger when unwelcomed. He loosened his grip hesitantly, and you wrapped your arms around his middle, hugging him closer to you in response.
Physical contact is. He thought to himself as he began stroking one hand up and down your back and rocking you both side to side slightly as if he was trying to calm a baby from a tantrum.
Which he basically was doing, you thought bitterly to yourself as you accepted the comfort.
You were too far gone to calm yourself down. You had ridden the river of upsetting thoughts that triggered your attack all the way down, and now you risked floating out to sea and losing yourself forever. Not actually forever, just until you would cry yourself unconscious and wake up to start anew. But you supposed accepting comfort was better than sleeping outside in a neighborhood you didn't know.
Jungkook whispered to you, not the sweet nothings people typically say when they see people break down like 'it's going to be okay,' or most annoyingly 'breath.' No Jungkook simply told you, 'you're safe,' 'take your time,' 'you're stronger than you give yourself credit for' and in your case most importantly, 'exhale.'
When people see you having a panic attack and hear the loud gasp you make as you fight to breathe, they instinctively tell you to breathe as a way to calm down. But it's your failure to let the air out that keeps your body over oxidized, making it harder for you to feel in control of yourself.
Slowly, you regained control of your body, and your desperate gasps for air morphed into shallow panting. Your shallow breathing morphed into soft whimpers and sniffled. Jungkook held you as your continuous knit itself together, and you faced the pain your mind was so desperate to escape.
He rubbed you back as you let out soft sobs as you reopened wounds that had healed into jagged scars. You cried for Dawon and her undeserved death. For Hoseok and the guilt you knew, he carried every day. You cried for Kim Martin, who died at the hands of the killer that stole his son. You cried for yourself, over the fear of the future as you saw it grow intimately tangled with a notorious gang.
You don't know how long Jungkook waited as you reeled yourself back together. He waited long after you finished crying, knowing just because you had control of yourself physically didn't mean you were mentally ready to face the world, so he wrapped you in his warmth and hummed to himself as he rocked you both slowly.
You loosened and tightened your grip on his shirt and curled and uncurled your toes as you tried to become more aware of your body. You were basically sprawled out on the grass with your upper body twisted and pulled into Jungkook's middle. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but you weren't willing to risk losing his warmth to move.
You licked your lips, and the jarring taste of your salty tears pulled you from your self pitying thoughts, deciding to work your way up the list you once again started to count.
One thing you taste, salt.
Two things you smell: you inhaled deeply and took in the smell of laundry detergent that clung to Jungkkook's shirt. "Detergent," you mumbled into his shirt, and the sound of a coherent word leaving you made Jungkook's humming stop as he looked down at you, nuzzling your face deeper into his chest. He held in his chuckle as you stiffed the air again, and confidently said, "and grass."
You finally pulled yourself away from him only slightly to turn your face away from him, your cheek still pressed against his chest.
"I can hear frogs, cars nearby, and.. your heart," you listed as you looked up at him from under you thick lashes still clumped with tears, "it's louder than mine," you observed as you listened to the hammering in his chest.
He was from a different kind of nerves.
He recognized the countdown and realized you were working to ground yourself, "What can you feel?" he prompted eager to get you to move on from his pounding heart.
"Your t-shirt, it's soft, the grass poking at me through my jeans, my bra digging into me" you wrinkled your nose as you became aware of the discomfort.
"And?" Jungkook prompted. A smile curled your lips as you looked up at him mischievously, "You're abs," you giggled as you sat up, finally pulling away from him. Jungkook felt the heat crawl up his neck as he turned away, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully.
"And what do you see?" he asked gently, looking everywhere but you.
You smiled at his bashfulness as you look around, "I see the street sign, the green grass," you pause as you squint, "I think that's either a rock or some dog poop over there," Jungkook let out a startled laugh. You smiled to yourself proudly as you continued.
"Our shadows from the street light, and,” you pause realizing how close the two of you are, "the little mole underneath your lip."
"Good," he whispered, and you watched in fascination how his lips formed the words, "Are you ready to get up now, or do you need a few minutes?" he asked. It was the way his mouth twisted into a smile at the end of the sentence that made you realize you were still staring at his lips. You blinked before looking up at his eyes, which was alight with a teasing glint.
"I can stand," you answered, flustered as you pulled your body away from him. Maneuvering your feet beneath you to get up. Jungkook offered you a hand once he was up helping pull you to your feet, before bending down and grabbing your purse for you. Your feet still tingled in that pins and needles feeling. You wiggled your hands to wake up your fingers as well, but other than that, you felt like you recovered from the physical toll of the panic attack quite well.
"C'mon my place is at the end of this road, let me grab a car and drive you home," he offered.
You walked with him obediently, your hands brushing past each other twice before Jungkook's hand finally snatched yours mid-swing; you looked down and watched as your fingers intertwined with his effortlessly. You looked to him to see a change in his expression, but he looked straight ahead as he walked, acting as if nothing happened.
You smiled at yourself, thankful for the affection. You always did get a little clingy after panic attacks, relying heavily on skinship and the feeling of someone taking care of you as a way to feel calm. You were surprised how easy it was for you to let Jungkook fall into that roll despite barely knowing him. But you suppose in the handful of interactions the two of you shared, he's always prioritized your comfort and safety.
"This is your house?" you asked as you took in the massive white art deco house behind the gate you stopped in front of. The gate buzzed and rolled open for the two of you of its own accord and rolled open for the two of you.
Jungkook smiled sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah, kinda," he said with a shrug.
You raised a brow, "kinda?"
"It's complicated, c'mon let's get you home," he said with a tug reminding you that the two of you were still holding hands. You flushed but followed obediently as you made your way to the garage.
You squinted as your eyes were met with a flood of fluorescent light upon opening the door. A row of vehicles lined its way down the length of the garage, varying from sports car, to jeep, to a large black truck at the end of the row. A line of 4 motorcycles along the furthest wall.
"J-Hope sells Namjoon a car any chance he gets," Jungkook chuckled as he took in your awed expression.
"J-Hope?" you questions, and Jungkook's smile faltered.
"That's what we call Hoseok," he clarified.
You nodded in understanding, "Like how Taehyung goes by V?" you asked, and he nodded.
"Hoseok, does he sell drugs like V does?" you asked curious of what all Hoseok's gang involvement entailed.
Jungkook opened his mouth to answer but was cut off as the adjacent door slammed up from what looked to be inside the house, revealing a man in a black t-shirt with a mop of platinum blond hair.
"There you are," he practically growled as he stormed in the room.
The man was dwarfed by Jungkook a good bit, but somehow Jungkook seemed to cower and appear smaller as the man approached, dropping your hand as if he were caught doing something he shouldn't.
You looked at him curiously and wondered if he was.
"Yoongi hyung," he greeted as he tried to force a smile, "I was just about to-"
"Save it," he snapped, "I have half the army out looking for you, ya know," he turned his fury to you much to your surprise as he added "both of you."
Your mouth fell open, shocked by the confusion apparent on your face as he continued, "Do I need to babysit both of you, because believe it or not, she's taking up a lot of my time. I really can't handle you getting flakey on me Jungkook, we need to know that you're safe,"
Jungkook looked down as he lectured, murmuring a small apology.
"And you" Yoongi turned to you, "That goes for you too, the Black Tips are still on your tail, I can't do much for you if you go running off,"
"Hyung," Jungkook hissed. "Not now, please."
Yoongi blinked at his younger in surprise, turning to you and making a point to really look at you, and take you in. Your red-rimmed eyes and splotchy face, the way you seemed to lean into Jungkook. He recognized that far off look in your eyes like you had to concentrate on being present in the moment, and Yoongi remembered the warning in Hoseok's earlier message when he told him you had run out.
"Yeah, okay, get her home and come straight back when you're done, we still need to talk," he said dismissively. None of your questions were answered, but you didn't resist as Jungkook put a hand on your back and guided you towards a nearby car.
"Good night, princess," Yoongi called over his shoulder before closing the door behind him. Unlike with Jimin, you felt like you were being mocked when Yoongi called you that.
"Who was that, your brother, and why did he say he needs to babysit me?" you questioned as you both settled into the fine black vehicle the windows were so deeply tinted on the outside you wondered if it was safe to drive at night, but upon getting in the car, you noted that you could see through the windows clearly.
Jungkook waited until after he put the key in the ignition and backed out into the driveway before he started talking."That's Yoongi hyung or Suga, he's head of surveillance for BTS. He was the one who sent out a message to go escort you home when J– Hobi Hyung told him you were upset and left his apartment so late. I was on my way in that direction when I ran across you on our street," he said, breaking at a stop sign and turning on the blinker.
You looked out the window as you took in everything he's told you, noting that you were stopped again by the light pole you had a panic attack under. Suga was one of the original members in Hoseok's story. You thought to yourself as you connected the dots. Your head still felt a little foggy as you recovered from the literal mental breakdown. The sudden change of lighting earlier had started to make your head throb. You were ready for bed.
"Hobi sent people to look for me?" was all you could manage, not entirely understanding the emotions stirring in your chest.
"Well yeah, I mean, I was supposed to escort you home after work, and you kind changed plans, so we had to roll with them. I figured Hoseok would have taken you home after everything, so I didn't wait around. And then when Suga did send out the message I didn't notify them that I found you it was dumb on my part," he clarified.
You leaned onto the console between the two of you, propping your cheek upon your hand in a way that squished your lips into a slight pout. Jungkook tried not to stiffen as you got more in his space. Peeking down at you through his peripherals he saw your brow furrow as you processed everything.
"Why do you care?" you finally settled on asking as you still struggled to pinpoint why so many people would be worried about your safety.
Hoseok, you understood, to a certain extent, you even understood why he called in the favor. He knew your patterns and signs, you were probably shouting you were about to have an attack with your body language as you walked out the door. He knew he could never comfort you, not when he was the trigger. What you didn't understand was why BTS would listen.
"Because you're still not safe, and BTS took responsibility for your safety when I did," Jungkook said, simply turning to look at you as he stopped at a red light.
If you were in the right state of mind, such a comment would have triggered an immediate fight. You had been on your own for far too many years to suddenly need a whole gaggle of men to tend to you as if you were some helpless girl. You were a grown-ass woman. But you weren't yourself as you searched for a response in the fog of your mind.
"You're not responsible for anything about me?" you said softly as you shifted to rest your hand on your chin.
"Y/n what all did Hoseok hyung tell you?" Jungkook asked, confused, you weren't rejecting his protection, you just seemed oblivious. He assumed the cat was out of the back as soon as you learned what BTS was, who they were concerning you.
"Just how he joined BTS as how he ya know," you stuck your pointer finger and thumb in the air making soft 'pew pew' sounds. You couldn't bring yourself to talk seriously about the subject. Too much of this night had been severe for your liking.
"Y/n, you saved my life last week," Jungkook said, trying to look in your eyes and convey all his gratitude. You shifted under his stare.
"I wouldn't call it that," you murmured, turning away, "The lights green," you added flatly trying to turn his attention from you. He ignored you and placed a warm hand over yours.
"I would, and because of that, I and all of BTS owe you a life debt. We want to protect you as best as we can, especially since you're not totally safe from the guys you saved me from," he emphasized.
You looked up at him owlishly as you thought over everything he said. But whatever you were going to say died on your lips as a car honked its horn behind you. You both jumped startled, and the intensity of the moment evaporated slightly.
After a few moments of silence, you decided he didn't require a response. You can't imagine you would give a correct one anyways. You looked down at your hand, his larger one still resting atop your own and turned your wrist quickly and intertwining your fingers.
You rode in silence the rest of the way home, and you were fighting your eyelids as you pulled up to your complex.
Jungkook wondered if you always fell asleep in the car even with dangerous men. He wondered if that's why he never sees you take the bus at night.
"You really should consider living somewhere safer," Jungkook muttered under his breath as he shut off the engine.
You bit your tongue holding in several comments and gave a noncommittal 'mmm' as you unbuckled and stepped out the car to see he planned to walk you to your door again.
You grew embarrassed as you climbed the stairs and scrambled to think of parting words dwelling on everything Jungkook had done for you that night, "Thank you," you finally forced yourself to say. Jungkook looked down at you as you came to a halt in front of your door. "For earlier, with the crying and the counting," you offered awkwardly your eyes looking everywhere but his as you breached the sensitive topic.
"Oh, it wasn't a problem, really. I'm glad I could help" he laughed nervously, and you smiled, reaching for his hand before he could bring it to the back of his head, a nervous habit you were quickly picking up on him having.
"I'm serious Jungkook, a lot of people freak out and make the situation much worse for me, and I get it seeing someone crying like that it's never an easy thing to react to, but you did—" you hesitated as you searched for the right words, "You were good, comforting."
You didn't give yourself time to question it as you stood on your tiptoes, deciding to convey your gratitude in a way that your stuttering mouth wouldn't botch, and grazed a small peck aiming for his cheek. Unfortunately, the height difference and your own lack of balance had you landing more on his jawline. Jungkook gasped only slightly at the feeling of your soft lips on his jaw, the heat of your body radiating off of you in your nearness. You smiled at him again as you turned towards the door to unlock it.
"Haha yeah, happy to hear that," he responded, his voice crawling in pitch as he ordered his heart to beat, and you gave him another warm smile as you pushed open your door.
"Good night, Jungkook."
"Good night, Ella."
Jungkook's face split into a grin as you closed the door, a hand reaching for his jaw and pressing against where you kissed him as if it would simulate the feeling. His steps seemed to bounce as he made his way down the concrete stairs and back to his car.
A/N: Thanks so much for reading please tell me what you think! Your comments make me eager to write more :)
Pt.5 ->
#bts fic#jungkook x reader#bts mafia au#btsghostie#bangtanhq#btsbookclub#btsguild#bangtanscenery#bts gang au#gangster jungkook#gangster yoongi#gangaster taehyung#gangster hoseok#jungkook au#bestfriend hoseok#no harm list#crazy4myself fic#drug dealer teahyung#jungkook fluff
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