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rootingforbada · 4 months

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Crimson Snow: Mistletoe and Memories ❄️

disclaimers: this story contains angst, sad, tension, literally no happy ending feels, drama and it's bada's pov. remember it's a work of fiction, none of this represents what i truly think about bada's/bebe's character or nature! it is meant for fun and entertainment purposes only. also, i'm not a native english speaker and this is my first ever fanfiction so keep that in mind and be nice please. thank you 🩵

Summary: "Old flames, city lights, and buried memories — Bada Lee, against her own wishes, returns to Incheon for Christmas. Amidst the moonlit whispers and the unyielding snowfall, she's compelled to confront a past she believed buried beneath the frost."

WC: 2.1k

"Yes, mom, i'll be there for Christmas," i muttered into the phone, my voice tinged with a hint of disdain.

"This city gives me the creeps," i ponder.

Incheon is like a patchwork of bitter memories; every street corner bears the weight of choices made and opportunities lost. This place represents a chapter of my life I struggle to bury.

Regrets, disappointments—I tried to shove those aside a while ago, or at least attempted to.

Nevertheless, i made a promise to my mother about being there for Christmas. What foolishness it is to commit to something i might not fulfill. Yet, is it too late to reconsider? Can i claim i couldn't secure a flight on time?

Idiot; no turning back now. I wonder how much longer i'll keep evading my past.

"I just wish i don't run into her there," i murmur with a slight tremor in my tone. I knew all too well whom i was talking about.

It's exactly 9 o'clock, my train departs in about 30 minutes. Unfortunately, i'll be in Incheon in a few hours.

"I can't believe you're finally coming back here! I guess i'll have to spend Christmas at your mom's house if that's the case," a sharp, loud feminine voice speaks over the phone; Lusher, a childhood friend.

Lusher has always been with me throughout our high school years and even into adulthood. Despite me moving to Busan a few years ago, we've kept in touch. She always mentions how much she misses me and that i should visit more often, to which i consistently reply, "Maybe someday."

It seems that day has finally come.

"Stop. Don't get too excited; i don't intend to spend much time in this place," I retort, my tone indifferent.

"The entire city already knows you're coming back, Bada."

Briefly, i freeze and fall silent. I only plan to make a short visit to my family, precisely.

"Incheon is wide-ranging; i doubt everyone really knows," I reply, an attempt to reassure myself that my plans won't change.

"Lin knows."

As soon as she counters, i instinctively hang up the phone, my back colliding with the seat of the moving train.

This definitely cannot be happening.

I was praying fervently not to encounter her during my time in Incheon, and i hope it stays that way. Regardless, she wouldn't want to see me after all these years... no, she hates me. I hope she hates me.

It felt like time stood still; i couldn't tell whether i had plunged into a deep sleep during those four hours of travel or if i had ended up in a temporal lapse. I open my eyes, and there's Incheon Station outside the window.

The time has come to face this city once again, with people bustling around, knee-deep in Christmas preparations just hours away.

I step off the train, grab my luggage, and find myself compelled to smile at strangers who somehow recognized me, waving as they passed. Perhaps they did, considering i gained some visibility after opening my dance studio in Busan. Or maybe it's simply because i am notably taller than the average Korean women; either of these reasons would be plausible.

My eyes scan the surroundings, searching for a familiar figure in the crowd. Mom said she would be waiting at the end of the station, my next stop.

"Bada!" Someone yells my name amid that human sea, resembling canned sardines.

My older sister came to greet me, slightly shorter than me, with a delicate and sweet appearance framed by her impeccably cared-for dark brown hair and welcoming smile.

"Haeda!" i respond, happy to see a familiar face, rushing to hug her.

"Mom couldn't come; she's busy with preparations for the dinner later," she shares, helping me with the luggage. "Lots of people are excited to see you, little sister! We're glad you've come back."

"I haven't come back; i'm just joining you for this Christmas season," I respond seriously, making it clear my stay won't extend beyond Christmas.

"You've always been a bit grumpy, haven't you?" she laughs, teasingly.

Finally out of the station, we settle into a taxi. During the ride, we chat casually and laugh about things that happened during our time apart. I'm trying to have some fun as much as possible.

"So, how's your love life?" she asks, innocently.

Oh, crap.

"I don't really want to get into that," i reply, slightly irritated by the question. The fun and nice atmosphere that surrounded us moments ago seems to have abruptly evaporated.

"Seems like you still think about Lin," she murmurs softly to herself, sighing calmly, yet i hear her loud and clear.

I arch my eyebrows, surprised and bothered by Haeda's comment. I plan to stay silent, but i can't resist.

"Why do you always bring her into everything? It's been years since we last spoke; she was just a kid. Now, forget about it," i assert firmly aiming to put an end to the subject once and for all. The silence in the taxi becomes deafening.

Not even five minutes pass, and i ask the taxi make an unscheduled stop.

"Aren't you going home?" my sister inquires, confused.

"I promised to have lunch with Lusher; there's a café around here," i reply, still maintaining a slight arrogance in my voice.

"I'll drop your bags off at home then," she understands, nodding.

I step out of the vehicle and grab my phone, immediately calling Lusher, asking her to meet me where i am. She agrees without a second thought.

A short time passes, and i spot a girl of average height, black hair, always smiling, with a high-pitched voice that stands out in the crowd. She runs towards me as soon as she sees me.

"Is that really you, Bada? It's been ages since i saw you. Have you grown even more?" Lusher enthusiastically hugs me, talking without even taking a breath.

"Looks like you're still talkative... and no, of course, i haven't grown more. I'm already 26. Now I'm just going to shrink," i reciprocate her warm hug as we head to the café.

"Tell me, how's Busan? How's your studio doing? I want the whole scoop!"

"We don't have time for me to give you the full rundown. Overall, the city is comfy, and the studio is doing well," i say, a bit curt; i'm not one to drag out my words.

"That's it? Nothing interesting happening?" she says in a frustrated sigh, still curious about my life.

"I know where you're going with this, miss Lusher, but i'm not commenting on that. I'm kind of fed up with this topic," i respond, making my exasperation clear.

We lapsed into silence for a few minutes until someone finally spoke up; she seemed nervous.

"Listen, i messaged Lin yesterday." She pauses, intending to continue talking.

Lin, Lin, Lin—I'm tired of hearing that name.

"She seems to want to talk to you," Lusher finishes, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Unfortunate. I've already stated that I'm only here for Christmas with my family," i halt, clenching my fists, wanting to say more but finding myself unable.

"Bada, you know she was deeply hurt after you left." Lusher attempts to ease the situation. "After all, you left without telling anyone, not even me."

"I didn't have to tell anyone. I've said that before; new opportunities arose, and that's what happened. Am I to blame for considering my future?" I say, feeling a slight warmth in my body due to the anger this topic brings up

"There's no issue with you wanting to pursue your dreams; the problem was leaving her in the dark out of nowhere. I think you should talk."

"Lusher, i've had enough. I don't owe her any explanations, it's over. I've paved my own way, and she's chosen hers, end of story." Rising abruptly, i toss money on the table for Lusher to settle the bill and i make a swift exit.

I sense Lusher's gaze on me, even though i haven't cast a glance back after leaving the place.

This is why i hate this city—the people, the environment, everything reminds me of her. I despise it; I despise being so coward and weak, unable to endure an environment where her name lingers. Tears stream down my face as i silently reassure myself, "The past is the past; it'll be fine."

It won't be fine.

For quite a while, i just roam around the city, immersed in the festive Christmas decorations and the chilly yet pleasant atmosphere. Families stroll along snow-covered roads, little cafes are buzzling with events, and everyone radiates happiness, caught up in the joy of being together—while i meander alone. I'm the odd one out here.

The city lights gradually begin to flicker on, signaling the encroaching darkness. It's time to head home for the Christmas Eve feast, but before that, i need something to ease my stress.

I head to a nearby convenience store, searching for a pack of cigarettes. I randomly choose any available brand, pay, and head towards a secluded alley.

Turns out, i'm not the only one there; a woman next to me doing the same, and i can't quite see her face. I shake my pockets, searching for my lighter.

"Fuck..." i mutter softly as i lean against the wall, frustrated.

Suddenly, i notice something fall to the ground, accompanied by words.

"Pick it up," the woman, slightly mysterious but oddly familiar, says, tossing the lighter onto the snow-covered ground.

I quickly bend down to grab it. "Thanks," I express promptly, attempting to say something more. "Do you come here often?"

"Sometimes, only when i think about my ex." She pulls the cigarette calmly, allowing the smoke to envelop her face in a thin mist. An ephemeral cloud of smoke slowly wafts around me.

"We're in the same boat," i muse, giving a little laugh at her comment. "Does your ex smoke?"

"Since I've known her. She was always cautious so i wouldn't end up like her; nevertheless, here i am," she narrates with a tense tone.

"You shouldn't smoke; judging by your voice, you've quit for a long time. You should stop while you still can," i suggest while lighting my cigarette with the borrowed lighter.

"Look who wants to give me a moral lecture," she laughs, mocking. The whole situation is ironic.

"Pfft, you don't even know me; you probably think i'm a hypocritical smoker," i admit, in a casual tone.

"Definitely."

"Maybe i really am, but I still have feelings!" I laugh, playfully.

She seems serious now, and we stay silent for a few seconds.

"Have you ever thought about your ex's feelings when you two broke up?" she inquires, finishing her last drag before dropping the cigarette on the ground and crushing it under her foot.

I remain motionless, confused, and unsure of how to respond.

"I'm just messing with you; after all, i don't even know you." She lets out a nervous laugh before completely disappearing into the darkness of that dimly lit alley.

"I'm home," i announce, slipping off my shoes and opening the door.

My mother greets me with a smile as she sets the dining table with the help of my father and sister.

"You're here! It's so good to see you, dear," my mother smiles warmly and hugs me. The scent of kimchi fills the air; she must have been cooking for a long time.

"What's that smell of smoke..." She makes a disgusted face, and i quickly plan an excuse.

"There were some delinquents smoking in the streets; the smell must have clung to me," i say cautiously.

"Looks delicious," i observe the meal on the table after greeting everyone present, trying to change subjects. Despite my reservations about Incheon and the memories this city brings, i feel welcomed and relieved with my family by my side.

"Let's eat!" My father exclaims, excitedly, sitting down and preparing to enjoy the eagerly anticipated tteokguk, a unique skill of my mother.

A few minutes were left for the long-awaited December 25th, and the countdown unfolded gradually.

"I'm eager to know what you brought for us from Busan, little sister!"

"Did i have to bring a present?" I laugh ironically, joking. "Just kidding, i'm sure you guys will like it!"

1 minute to the 25th.

"Wow, i can already hear the neighbors starting the countdown," my sweet and dear mother says.

A sound echoes at the door.

"Knock, knock."

30 seconds to the 25th.

"Oh, let me get that!" I quickly get up from my seat and head to the door.

10 seconds to the 25th.

I grab the keys and swiftly unlock the door, while my family had already started the countdown.

"5... 4... 3... 2... 1..."

I can't believe who is on the other side of the door.

"Lin?"

"Merry Christmas!" the whole family celebrates in unison as i stand there, paralyzed, looking at my former love standing right in front of me.

aaand we're done! i don't know if i should make it a series or not since i'm the lazy type but lmk! also tysm for @/kiyaedits for the dividers. i hope you enjoyed this as much as i did, thank you for reading. ❄️

#bada lee x reader #bada lee #angst #light angst #swf2 x reader #swf2 #bada lee swf2 #bada x oc #bada x reader #sw fic #bada lee au #bada lee fanfic

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sweaterkittensahoy · 6 days

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I WILL CAPTAIN THIS SHIP GODDAMNIT

(By which I mean, I will write a proper story for Jack and Harding to convince everyone to hop on the ship)

Jack doesn't know how long he's been sitting at his desk. He still wears his watch face on the inside of his wrist like he's done since flight training, and he refuses to keep a clock in his office. He doesn't need easy access to proof of how many hours a day he spends behind his desk.

There's a knock on the door, and he's almost relieved. He can't leave until he's done with the paperwork (and writing the condolence notes to the families), but he can at least look up, rub his eyes, and say, "Enter."

A runner walks in, saluting crisply as he holds out a folded piece of paper. Jack takes it and opens it, hoping it's not another note from the pub about whatever fuckery his boys have gotten into this time.

19:00 my quarters for dinner - paperwork or no. Send confirmation. - Col. H.

Jack turns his wrist to check the time. It's 17:30. He snorts at Chick's clearly intended timing: delivered early enough he can still get some work done; requiring Jack's attendance late enough he won't be willing to go back to work the moment dinner is over. If Chick weren't such a stellar leader of their men, he'd call it cheating.

He signs his name under Chick's own, folds the note, and gives it back to the runner. "Dismissed," he says.

The runner snaps off another salute and leaves. Jack stretches and winces when his back pops. He sits back down and looks at his paperwork, figuring out what he can really put a dent in before he leaves for dinner.

85 minutes later, Jack's reviewed three reports and signed off. He's also laid out the stationary for the condolence notes along with the list of names of the men they've lost on the last two runs. They'll be easier in the morning when he's fresh, though they're never actually easy.

He stands and walks to his looking glass. He unrolls his shirt sleeves and buttons the cuffs, then pulls on his uniform jacket and buttons it as well. He smooths his hair, which has gotten a bit frizzy in the day's humidity, and then he puts on his hat. He shakes his legs to make sure his trousers fall properly, and then he leaves his office. The sun is just starting to set, and Jack is certain Chick planned this dinner on that fact. He has a west-facing window with a view of the horizon, and watching the sun dip down sounds relaxing and nice.

Chick's hut is next to headquarters, the same size as a full officer's barracks, but his rank makes it his alone. Jack has his own hut as well, but it's smaller and tucked in a cluster with other senior officers. Jack likes his space, but Chick's is much more comfortable for entertaining.

He knocks on the door, and a few seconds later, Chick opens the door. He looks similar to what Jack had looked like a few minutes ago: Jacketless with his shirt sleeves rolled up, though Chick fills out his uniform shirt more fully than Jack. Where's Jack's rolled cuffs are always a bit loose on his forearms, Chick's cuffs are snug, showing off the width of his arms that reflects in the rest of his body.

"Right on time, Major," Chick says, stepping aside and waving an arm to welcome Jack in. "Join me."

Jack steps inside, and Chick closes the door, and Jack takes off his hat, and Chick pulls him close, and they share a warm, easy kiss.

"You look like shit," Chick says when they break apart.

Jack smacks him on the shoulder. "Fuck you, too," he replies.

Chick grins and opens Jack's jacket, then walks behind him to take it off his shoulders. "Get comfortable," he says. "I've got a surprise after dinner."

"What's for dinner?" Jack asks as he rolls his sleeves back up to his elbows.

"I roasted a chicken with some carrots and potatoes," he says. "Help yourself to a drink while I check on it."

Jack walks over to the small table that acts as Chick's bar. It's tucked between the fireplace and the corner. There's an overstuffed armchair next to it, and Jack pours himself a measure of whiskey and takes a seat in the chair. He sighs in relief as he sinks into it. It's old and worn in and utterly comfortable. Chick's dragged it base-to-base for years, he knows.

"Want the stool?" Chick asks. He's in the kitchen area to Jack's left, a meat thermometer stuck in the chicken.

"I'm okay," Jack says.

"Chicken needs a few more minutes," Chick says and shoves the pan back in the oven. He walks over to Jack and squats down. He unties Jack's shoes and slips them off his feet, setting them aside.

"You don't need–"

"Hush," Chick says. He pulls the stool out from under the bar table, then twists to grab a pillow from the loveseat in front of the fireplace. He places it on the stool, then lifts Jack's legs by the ankles so his feet are propped on the pillow.

Jack hums his thanks as Chick rubs his thumbs over his ankle bones. "How was your day?" he asks.

Chick shrugs. "Phone calls. Paperwork."

"Where'd you find a chicken?" Jack asks because he knows Chick wouldn't take it from the mess. It wouldn't be right to take a chicken from the boys, even if there is more than enough. They're waiting for replacements, again.

"I traded with Mrs. Brighton," Chick says, standing from his crouch. He walks over to the bar and pours his own whiskey. "That freeze last week ruined her potatoes, so I offered her a couple dozen for a chicken."

"That is an outrageous exchange rate," Jack says. "How did you even know she needed potatoes?"

"I asked Lemmons if anyone might be up for a trade," Chick replies.

Lemmons had come to Jack months ago asking if they could organize some sort of help for the farm ladies. "They're all real smart about their machines, Sir, but they're trying to do double or triple or quadruple the work to keep their farms going with the men gone."

So are you boys, Jack had thought, but Lemmons had been earnest and worried, and Jack knew if the other boys weren't also wanting to help, Lemmons wouldn't be in his office. "No using our own spares, but you can use our tools."

"We could make parts from the scrap," Lemmons had said. "We'd make our own first, of course, but if there's extra, we could make replacement parts for the farms."

The word 'if' had hung in the air like an angry hornet. As if they were ever low on scrap. It was the only thing Jack didn't give a shit about in inventory reports. Screws and axles and rivets and switches he counted like his last ten cents. But there was so much scrap metal from the forts they'd had to strip for parts he could have built a whole goddamn flying group from scratch.

"Approved," is all Jack had said in the moment.

"Ah," Jack says now. "Of course."

Chick smiles at him and sips his drink. He walks over to the chair and tucks two fingers under Jack's chin to raise his head. He rubs his thumb on Jack's chin. He doesn't say anything and neither does Jack. When Chick strokes his jaw, Jack leans into it lightly, closing his eyes. He feels his shoulders drop, and he hears Chick chuckle with pleasure.

"There it is," Chick murmurs.

Jack takes a drink of his whiskey and hum when Chick lets go of his chin to press his thumb lightly to Jack's Adam's Apple to feel him swallow.

"A little better than when you got here?" Chick asks.

"As usual," Jack says because it's true. He opens his eyes, and Chick's smiling at him.

"Good," Chick says, then steps away. He checks the chicken again, then hauls the roasting pan onto the stovetop.

Jack takes another drink of his whiskey and watches as Chick sets the table with the china and flatware from the mess. That they don't mind taking. Two sets of dinnerware won't be missed from the pile they have.

Chick offers Jack his hand when the table's set. He lifts Jack to his feet and walks him to his seat, pulling his chair out but letting Jack pull it in for himself.

The chicken is perfectly golden brown with a crispy bite to the skin. The potatoes and carrots are soft, seasoned with rosemary that Jack knows is fresh because his mother grows her own herbs on a crowded windowsill at home in Cleveland.

"This is excellent," Jack says after two bites, and Chick beams at him. "I didn't know you knew how to roast a chicken." Chick usually sticks to quicker meals. Pan-fried meat and roasted vegetables. Things that taste good and fill you up and take only a couple of steps to put together.

"I wrote my mother a few weeks ago for the recipe," Chick says. He looks down at his plate and pushes his carrots together. "She…she asked if I was trying to impress someone."

Jack cocks his head at Chick. "Why did she ask that?"

Chick clears his throat and looks at the wall. There's a photo hanging there of the two of them. A journalist had come through several months before and requested a photo of the commanding officer and Air Exec who kept the already-famed Hundredth in the air. Chick had thrown an arm around Jack's shoulders and given him a shake, making Jack laugh. Chick had beamed wide, and the journalist had gotten a shot that Jack's own mother had sent him after it had been published in Life magazine. The caption had made Jack go breathless when he'd read it the first time:

Colonel Neil Harding and Major Jack Kidd, the steady presence behind the wild achievements of the famed 100th.

He rarely feels steady.

And now here's Chick looking a bit unsteady himself.

"What is it?" Jack asks, worry creeping up his spine.

Chick's gaze snaps to Jack, reading him through and through like he always does. "Oh. Shit. Jack. It's not bad. Nothing bad. I swear." He shakes his head, then meets Jack's eyes again, steady and sure. "It's a family recipe. It's nicknamed Engagement Chicken."

Jack blinks. He looks down at his plate. He glances at Chick, then cuts another piece from the thigh he's eating. He takes his time chewing and swallowing. "If your surprise after dinner is a ring, I'll say yes, but the chicken is pretty good, too."

Chick stares, then he barks a laugh. "You son of a bitch," he says.

Jack grins at him, and for a moment, he feels safe and loved and light. And he thinks there's nothing he could do but marry the man who makes that possible in this fucking war.

The surprise after dinner isn't a ring. It's a bathtub. It's set up near the far wall of the hut behind the heavy curtain Chick had hung early on to tastefully conceal his bed. An open window and the closed curtain have kept the heat and humidity of the tub out of the rest of the hut. When Chick pushes the curtain aside, Jack stares in amazement.

"You did not leave a wood-fire tub burning this whole time," Jack says, staring at the box and pipe that lead to the tub.

"It's how they work," Chick replies. "You build up a fire, then close it off."

Jack knows Chick is right, but it feels like a hell of a risk given what they go through every day. Or maybe it's no risk at all, Jack thinks suddenly, given what they go through every day.

"Come on, strip down. Water's good and hot," Chick says.

"Have you used it?" Jack asks, untucking his blouse before going to work on his belt.

"No," Chick says. "I wanted you to have first go."

Jack turns and looks at him. Chick looks soft and comfortable in the humid air. His eyes are crinkled at the edges from his smile, and Jack takes the two steps to him to kiss him. It's a bit more aggressive than their hello kiss, but his hands on Chick's waist are loose, and Chick cups his cheek like he's priceless glass. "Why?" Jack asks when he pulls away, not because he thinks that he doesn't deserve to be cared for but because he's just curious what Chick's seen that he's made it happen.

"You take care of yourself," Chick says. "You get your three squares. You sleep. You exercise. I see you shut off outside worries when you're with me like we are now–well, as much as you can. The only time you drink enough to be worth worrying about it's for good fucking reason, and you still drink less than the other boys. I just wanted to show you that I see you doing that. I wanted to give you something you couldn't give yourself. I wanted to…" Chick shrugs. "I wanted you to know that I see you," he says. "That I want to be the one to take care of you that extra bit."

Jack stares, then he grabs Chick by his blouse and twists his hands so Chick can't get away. He kisses him like it's the last chance he'll have. He feels tears prick his eyes but, for once, doesn't try to blink them away. He lets them fall. He lets Chick cup his face and touch them with his thumbs, and when he's so breathless that breathing through his nose doesn't help, he pulls away and gasps and simply drops his head to Chick's shoulder.

It's a few minutes before Chick speaks. "I want to help you wash up," he says. "If you don't mind."

"No," Jack says. "I don't mind."

He strips naked and steps into the tub. It's almost too hot, and he sinks down until he can feel the water up to his chin. His knees stick out, but before he can decide if it's worth moving to get them underwater, Chick's there with a teacup, scooping water and pouring it over his joints. Jack tips his head against the edge of the tub and breathes out hard.

"Soak for a minute," Chick says, clasping Jack's left knee. "Just enjoy it."

"Okay," Jack replies. He opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling of the hut. It's got the same curved roof and exposed beams as every other hut. Even his own. He stretches his arms as far as they'll go, loving the feel of the hot-hot water moving when he wiggles his fingers.

Chick comes back, the little stool in one hand. He sets it down behind the tub at Jack's head, then sits on it. He dips his arms into the water and brings up handfuls of water to sluice down Jack's neck. He presses his hot, wet hands to Jack's face, and he works his fingers into Jack's hair, breaking up the Brylcreem with gentle care so Jack's hair can curl in the humidity.

"I love your curls," Chick says. "Have I ever said that?"

"I don't think so," Jack replies.

"Well, I do," Chick says. He dips his hands in the water, then massages Jack's scalp. "They shouldn't fit you so well, but they do. The way you can tame them but the way they always try to escape." He leans in and kisses the top of Jack's head. "Is this flowery language working for you?"

Jack huffs a laugh and pushes himself out of the water just enough he can tip his head fully back on the lip of the tub. "From you, I like it," he says. "But I don't need it all the time."

"I know," Chick says. He kisses Jack's forehead. "I'm glad for that. I like that we can just be together, Jack. I truly do."

Jack nods to agree, and then Chick rubs his thumbs up and down the back of Jack's neck, and he lets out a long, low groan.

"That's good," Chick says, repeating the motion. "Let it out."

He works Jack's neck for a few minutes, then digs into his shoulders, then rubs hard just under his collarbones. Jack feels like he's liquid from his pecs up when Chick slips around the side of the tub and reaches into the hot water to massage his feet without bringing them up into the air. He dampens the rolled up sleeves of his shirt to press his knuckles into Jack's calves, and then he stretches Jack's hands, one finger at a time, dragging his thumb on the underside of each finger and kissing each fingertip.

"Chick," Jack murmurs as he lays in the hot water and simply drifts on how loose and easy he feels. "I might fall asleep."

"I'm here," Chick says, leaning forward so he can cup the back of Jack's head. "I'll keep an eye on you. If you start to drift off, I won't let you go under."

Jack closes his eyes, trusting Chick to the marrow of his bones. The water is just starting to show signs of cooling. For the first time, Jack is aware of the air coming in the open window. He turns his head so he can rest his cheek against Chick's palm, and then he forces his eyes open.

"May I stay?" he asks.

Chick leans in so their foreheads touch. "Never ask me that again, Jack," he says. "I made you the Engagement Chicken."

Jack wants to chuckle, but his heart thumps hard and stops him. He tips his chin so their noses brush, and Chick ghosts a kiss against his mouth. "When this shit is over, you're going to marry me," he says.

"Fucking right," Chick agrees without hesitation.

Jack nods, his neck loose. "Take me to bed," he says.

Chick rubs his cheeks roughly, enough to wake Jack up, then he helps Jack stand and step out of the tub. He dries Jack, then pulls the covers back to lay him in bed. He covers Jack with the blanket and moves away, scooping cups of water from the tub and throwing them on the dying fire in the box until the embers are out. He puts a cover on the tub, then strips himself down.

Jack hums in contentment when Chick slips into bed on the other side and immediately turns so he and Jack are nose-to-nose, Jack's left calf tucked behind Chick's right.

"Thank you," Jack says, kissing Chick's collarbone as he slides an arm around Chick's waist so he can pull himself closer.

"I love you," Chick says, lips moving against Jack's forehead. "We're going to make it through this and have a long, happy life, Jack."

Jack's whole body shakes. He makes a quiet, sharp noise that he presses against Chick's skin. Until Chick has said it just now, he hasn't realized he needed to hear it. "You sound sure."

"I am," Chick says. "What's the fucking point of losing our boys like this if we can't live the lives they deserved to have?"

Jack presses his closed mouth to Chick's shoulder. He thinks of the condolence list on his desk. He thinks of how Chick knows as well as he does how many they've lost. He thinks of Chick's invite arriving just when he would have started those letters tonight.

He thinks of the Engagement Chicken. Of what such a dish means.

"Forever?" he asks.

"Abso-fucking-lutely," Chick says.

Jack presses his lips against Chick's shoulder and tries to picture them after the war. It's a hazy image he can't turn sharp, but in this room right now, he knows it will happen. He breathes out hard and relaxes his shoulders and lets the steady thump of Chick's heart lull him to sleep.

#jackharding #masters of the air #jack kidd #chick harding #air exec daddy is tired y'all #serious version #with sweet service top to help him through

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tcfkag · 4 months

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2024 and the Return of the To-Done List

So, after a year during which (a) our daughter ran full-speed (literally) into the trying two's, (b) I had multi-focal pneumonia that resulted in a week or two in the hospital (including a brief sojourn in the ICU), (c) I had bizarre, seemingly inexplicable seizures for the first time ever [which meant I couldn't drive for six months...right after we moved to a semi-"rural" town...for the northeast that is], (d) had an acute kidney injury, (e) had several bouts of unexplained pitting edema in my legs, (f) started a new job that I actually really like, even if there is a steep learning curve, and (g) lost my Mom after a long battle with mild to moderate dementia/Alzheimer's that then dropped off a cliff into end-stage dementia in less than six months (depending on how you count it), and (h) just generally felt like I was never managing my physical or mental health as well as I could or should be, I'm going to try to make some changes. These aren't resolutions because I truly think that New Year's resolutions just set you up to fail. Instead, I'd call them goals. Or, at least, hope that I want to support with action as much as I can. While still giving myself grace knowing that I can and probably will mess up along the way. But, the first step is that I'm going to try to bring back a kind of journaling-like activity (since I suck at journaling) that my old therapist recommended when I was feeling like this before. Each day I make a list, generally on Tumblr for at least a tiny modicum of peer pressure, and I just make a list of everything I've done that day. No matter how big or how small. As she put it "make it your base assumption that each day, you will do absolutely nothing, so you get credit for everything, even things as simple as showering. I frequently restart these lists when my depression and anxiety have gotten bad enough that I know I'm not taking care of myself, mentally and physically, so a big part of my goals are (a) to move more [in whatever form that takes], (b) eating healthier, and (c) to take care of several medical/dental appointments that I've been putting off for way too long. The beauty of the list is that, a lot of the time, I ended up doing stuff BECAUSE of the list. So that I won't be staring at an empty page as I try to make my list each year.

Things I'm proud of today...so far:

when we took Peanut to the trampoline park to burn off some of her "no daycare today suckers" energy and this time, I bought a jump pass for myself. I only made it ~30 minutes but it was a great work-out. 10/10 would recommend.

I took the dogs for the "long" trail walk out to the back of our property,

I did a core and flexibility routine this morning,

I decided to take one for the team and point out to my Uncle that the nostalgia he feels about Aunt Jemimah as a syrup mascot isn't as important as the company making money off the likeness of a woman who died 100 years ago who was used as a stand in for the generic idea of what an enslaved (or recently freed) Black woman did or should do, and (finally)

this one is a few days late, but not only did we drive 12+ hours to visit my in-laws for Christmas, but we also stopped in NJ in both directions to pick up Monotasker's Aunt who is 80-years-old, hard of hearing, and in the early stages of dementia or Alzheimer's and I didn't even lose my shit at a single person...even the ones who deserved it.

Happy New Years everyone!

"May the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows." (Jason Mraz) And even if the worst of your todays are the best of your tomorrows, I hope you can still find your way out and through by the light of the moon to guide you.

#TCFKAG #Things I'm Proud Of Today #depression #spoonies #To-Done List #chronic illness #chronic pain #just generally an exhausted 40-year-old mother to a quite lovely but at times trying two year old #who - i might add - might have sprained her ankle at the trampoline park #oh dear #i miss my mommy #2024 #Hopefully not a second verse that's same as the first

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tokidokitokyo · 1 year

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2023年4月30日

This month was again very busy! Do I ever have not-busy months? Probably not! I still accomplished quite a bit, but I didn't do everything I had planned to do. One thing that I noticed though was that my reading skill and my listening skill have progressed because of incorporating reading and listening into my daily practice routine. I picked back up a manga I had started a year ago and found that it was easier to read this time. I also realized I am able to pick up more from news and other TV programmes now. The key is really just practicing consistently! It feels good to see tangible progress, and that motivates me even more.

今月はまた忙しかったです！忙しくない時はあるのかな？多分ない！今月は結構勉強が進めて良かったです。すべての目的には成功できなくても、まだまだ進んでいます。今月気づいたのは読解力と聴解力が結構上がったと思います。毎日ちょっとだけでも読んだり聞いたりするので、日課に入っていることになりました。そして去年読み始めようとした漫画を今月また読み続いたら、去年より楽になったって気づきました。最近ニュースや色んなテレビ番組を見ると、前より全然簡単に理解ができるって気づきました。毎日ちょっとずつ勉強するのはポイントです。具体的に成長を感じるのもモチベーションになります！

My 2023 Goals Progress

I laid out some broad goals for my Japanese study in my 2023 Japanese Language Goals post, so again I will update my progress towards these goals.

1. Read one page a day of 日本の歴史366 (にほんのれきし366) everyday in 2023.

How is it going? Good! In March my reading fell behind due to work and illness, and I didn't exactly catch up in April, but I am trying to continue even though I missed quite a few days and have not yet been able to read them. The goal is reading everyday, and although I really wanted to stay in order and to stay on top of it, sometimes things happen! I'll keep reading a page a day and catch up where I can.

2. Finish 日本語総まとめ N3 (にほんごそうまとめ N3) workbooks.

How is it going? Good! I have been working one of the four workbooks (Vocabulary, Kanji, Grammar, Listening) into my schedule several nights a week (mostly weekend nights!). I have worked through Week 4 out of 6, so I am close to the end of these workbooks! I am also taking more time to review them, so I can do fewer pages at a time but I feel like I am getting more out of them. I read each day's lesson carefully before I tackle the questions, and then I pick up each workbook again throughout the week and just read through the questions again.

3. Review and learn the first 6 levels of the 常用漢字 (じょうようかんじ), specifically the 教育漢字 (きょういくかんじ) up to grade 6.

How is it going? Not great. I definitely did not pick back up specifically the 常用漢字 in April, so I will try it again in May! Tbh, I just forgot to focus on these during my kanji studies and was more focused on vocabulary words ^^;

4. Read at least one book every two months.

How is it going? Not great. I am very behind on the books that I wanted to complete by the first half of this year. I lost motivation in March or so and haven't been able to pick them back up. I was reading them slowly and mining for vocabulary/kanji, which takes a lot of time that I don't have. I have been reading other books sporadically (although I haven't finished any) and I have been reading manga and articles semi-regularly. I thought this goal would be easier than trying to read a book each month, but it's still a lot for me. It's ok to change your goals, and next month I'll try to reformulate this goal to make it work for me.

5. Improve my speaking and writing by finding a tutor.

How is it going? It could be better. April was busier than I thought! I hope to find a tutor in May, but I find it difficult to find someone who suits my needs (and my time constraints). I hope to have better news on this next month! Wish me luck!

6. Study Japanese for at least 10 minutes a day.

How is it going? Good! Variation in my study schedule is the key to keeping up a daily Japanese study goal. If I'm tired, manga or an article, or a quick flashcard session, are quick ways to practice. If I have extra time I squeeze in a workbook lesson. Finding lots of little ways to practice helps me to stay interested and to stay motivated.

April Study Log

April was another busy month, so let's see how I did!

Vocabulary - This month I spent a lot more time practicing vocabulary. Not only did I write down words and look up words I didn't know, I also tried to conscientiously incorporate new words into my daily conversation. This helped me to remember them as well as to figure out what situations I would use them in.

Listening - I spent a lot of time with podcasts (during my commute) and TV/movies (with my son!) so I got a lot of listening practice in. I did realize the other day that I find it easier to listen to even more fast-paced or advanced TV shows, etc. That was a nice realization!

Kanji - I slacked off on kanji and definitely did not focus on school-age kanji. I honestly just forgot, and didn't have much time to commit new kanji to memory. I'll try again next month!

Speaking - We had a lot of play dates and so I got in a lot of speaking practice. The more I speak the more comfortable I am and the more information I can convey. This is definitely something I'd like to work on with a tutor!

Grammar, Reading, & Writing - I would like to incorporate these more into my daily studies, but they have really dropped off my radar recently. I have been quite busy and very tired as a result, so I am not going to be too hard on myself.

Going Forward in May

Continue working through N3 総まとめ workbooks as often as possible

Work more on 漢字 and specifically focus on the 教育漢字

Get an italki (or other?) tutor that suits my needs

Review and practice 3 grammar points per week

Next month I will really try to stick to the goals I have set and I hope to have a better report. But I still think that any progress is good progress, so let's keep working towards our goals! See you next month!

来月はもうちょっと目的に集中したいと思いますが、目的を超えなくても成功ができると思っています。そしてまだまだ勉強を進んで頑張りましょう！また来月！

#日本語 #japanese #japanese language #japanese langblr #japanese studyblr #langblr #studyblr #日本語の日記 #japanese diary #japanese goals 2023 #japanese studyspo #tokidokitokyo #tdtphoto #my photo #japanese goals april 2023

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payservewomen · 2 months

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I’m tempted to say “I’ve hit a new low”😔 but in reality, I’ve been at rock bottom for…a very long time. Years I suppose.

But at least a few years ago, I interacted with women outside of work. But now? I don’t even leave my bedroom on my days off from work.

I sit on my bed, watching humiliation clips; calling ignore phone lines; taking embarrassing photos of myself; edging myself, oftentimes for many hours(almost never less than 4hrs. up to 12hrs)

The one newer development is- I’ll edge for a while, but then the sadness/anxiety makes me go limp….or i’ll be semi hard but my loser penis only grows slightly larger.

It’s like i’m trying to keep in as small as possible, because I know it should be teeny tiny. It CAN grow to 7in but considering how pathetic I am, part of me wishes I had a microdick. Then I could forget these thoughts i have of becoming a normal person again.

Then I could search 24/7 for a superior woman who wants to use and abuse me.

I fantasize about meeting a woman and dating….Getting comfortable with her to the point that I’m able to do the best I’m capable of in making her orgasm…. But then we open up and share kinks etc….and i know as time goes on, there will be many times my dick doesn’t work.

Slowly over time, she realizes just how much of a beta i am, and begins flirting with real, confident men.

By this time, we’re living together; Maybe one month she asks me to cover all the rent, then bills and spends her money on going out….Then a “friend” of hers(maybe with a unisex name that’s usually a woman’s name)is coming into town; she offers our place to stay….Tells me to make dinner etc saying “ali loves lobster tails and filet mignon! I know ur low on money, but it’s ok! I’ll still have enough left until ur next paycheck! Thanks sweetie! Maybe we’ll meet at the airport, then I’ll let you know when we’re on our way, flight gets in i think about 5pm but who knows if it’ll be on time”

I get off work, begin prepping everything….texting her asking if ali’s plane arrived at 5:30….”it did but we’re tryna find the luggage etc. With traffic it’ll take quite a while, plan for a late dinner!”

By 6:30, still nothing, so i text then call to find her phones off.

I figure she’ll probably be walking in any minute….So i check the “find my iphone” tryna be extra sweet and have everything timed perfectly. I see it moved from the airport towards home and begin making dinner….Until i realize another hour has passed. I check it again to see it’s been somewhere between home and the airport for 2 hours now!

Next thing i know, it’s 10, then 11, then 12 midnight!

I’m dozing off and finally see a text “Omg babe i’m sorry! I lost track of time! Ali said getting a hotel room would be easier, and we’ve just been catching up but ugh it got so late and you know how i don’t like to drive at night anyway, so I’m just gonna stay here tonight, see ya tomorrow!”

I just fall asleep, and wake in the AM to see several weird video texts from a number i don’t know….I hear giggling and a man’s voice….almost seeming like someone’s trying to record something and my gf saying “no stop don’t! that’s mean ali!” There’s at least 4-5 clips like that, the last one ending with my girlfriends sexy belly on the screen. I figure ohhh they’re just having fun i guess? But it did give me a bad feeling in my stomach….

Those vids were sent at about 1am. Then at 2am, just a close up of what i’m sure is my gf’s skin, but i can’t tell what part of her body…..but the audio on it was simply my gfs voice sounding like she’s whining or moaning or something? and saying “mmmmm ohhhhk fuck it”

Then 30mins later the clip begins blacked out, but with clear audio…just sounds like licking and slurping….Then a man’s voice “yeah worship it bitch. Now, say it” then the phone moves, showing an arrogant looking man smiling, then it slowly pans down over his entire perfectly fit muscular body….very slowly, stopping on each part of his stunningly perfect body….i mean this guy had an 8pack! Absolutely chiseled in every way. Then it stops to show his abs and v-lines, and then slowly shows his balls…I didn’t know balls could actually be that big!

Then slowly as possible, the camera moves to show the thickest cock i’ve ever seen!

Then the vids stop…but there’s a text at 4am with only an address….my gf knows i wake up for work at 4am…

i call and text her but her phones off ofc. I go to work, and finally around noon, my gf calls saying she’s going shopping with Ali, saying she didn’t bring any of her credit cards asking if i’ve got any money left…i tell her i’m not sure how much, but i’ve got $500 in a sportsbook app from winning the night before…”omg babe that’s perfect! Don’t worry i can move it from there, is it your normal password?” I answer yes, and ask her just to leave at least $100 or so….

And ask if theyre gonna be having dinner tonight…”yeah sweetie we are! I’ll let you know when we’re on the way”

I ask her wtf all those vids were. and who that guy was and she replies “huh? Wait what? You’re telling me you got videos from a random number?! And it had a perfect man’s body with a horse cock?! Lol babe i dunno what websites you’ve been visiting but i’d imagine it’s something to do with that!🤣 What?! u think i’m cheating on you with an old friend or something?! jk! Love u babe”

I hang up the phone and immediately get the same text with the same address, i look up the address to find a really really nice hotel is there. Then another text comes through simply saying “penthouse suite, beta cuck”

Then another text….just a screenshot of a receipt from stub hub for tickets to the nuggets game that night, 5:10pm. 2 tickets, $250 each, wow, better than i’ve ever had for sure.

Then one more text again with the hotels address, saying “ur welcome to stop by whenever, but i suggest you either wait for us to get there or something. not getting up to open the door if we busy fuckin. Can’t wait to see your bitch ass cry🤣”

This one hits me like a ton of bricks and it’s feeling more n more that it’s gotta be exactly what it seems….but no way she’d do this to me!

The great part of our relationship is complete and total honesty and openness! My gf, allison is kinky and loves to be a dirty slut, and we have talked about her fucking others, maybe even a gangbang!

But we’d only done a handful of super kinky things….we’re both submissive so it’s kinda hard to push it and try really crazy n kinky things….we both need that more aggressive attitude!

But i know she loves me deeply. We’ve such an intensely strong emotional connection, more than either of us ever have!

Still no word from my gf and it’s 8pm. At 9pm she finally texts me but it’s the exact same as from the other phone number and it’s just the hotel address and room number…..I call her back, and it rings and rings until going to voicemail. Maybe she didn’t hear it, i call again…it rings 3-4times, less than the last time, then goes to voicemail. I try again and it rings twice then voicemail….Again, same thing. I call yet AGAIN, prob the 6th time and it goes straight to voicemail!

I check the phone locator app and see her phone was at ball arena(nuggets play there)the length of the game….and moved to exactly where the hotel is.

I get dressed, now fearing the worst, but thinking “ok this makes no sense! Either she’s playing some joke on me; something weird like that or some surprise for me?”But i do realize that the most likely thing is…maybe she’s been partying with her friend, she cheated and isn’t sure how to deal with me…..But what’s up with the pics etc? ofc she’s aware of my pervy kinks etc, and she’s prob making it seem like she’s cheating on me, i’m hoping!

I walk to the light rail station, and get on the train….Ugh yeh don’t have the money to get an uber…i checked my bet365 account to see its at zero!

Wtf?! I had some futures bets….ones i could cash out for about $250 total, but they were all just cashed out! i’ve not one bet at all and no money here!

I see that $800 was withdrawn and my bank account was credited $800! But $500 used for the tickets, and $300 spent at some weird fancy store downtown.

Ok that’s it i’ve gotta see what’s up as i’m sitting on the train, mind running wild. Fuck, i gotta get off and walk 20mins, then get a bus!

I get off the train, walking to the bus stop…..Bus finally comes and oh fuck, as i’m tryna buy a bus ticket on the app(for $2.75) It dawns on me “fuck i don’t have enough money in my account” i look at the driver and say “i’m not sure why it’s not working” he looks at it and says “yeah cuz you’re card is being declined, sorry” and closes the doors.

I’m defeated and want to cry. Looking at google, i see it’ll take 2.5 hours to walk there….

It’s now almost 10pm and i consider going back home, but then wtf?! I can’t just sit at home wondering wtf is going on!

So i walk and walk…i watch the clip again and again of the perfect man’s body, fantasizing that the woman i’m in love with is cheating on me in the meanest way possible….Finally, it’s after midnight and I arrive at the hotel….I ask the front desk how to get to the penthouse, and she tells me “the elevator is right over there, but Sir, there isn’t anyone staying there right now”

I thank her and walk away tryna figure out what to do.

I text my gf asking why she texted me that address. she texts back right away with another address! I lose it and call a few times, each time it’s sent to voicemail. I text her back yelling “OK WTF is going on?! What’s your problem? Tell me what’s happening right fucking now!”

She texts back “i’m sorry sweetie, i didn’t mean to upset you! Just having fun with my friend, sorry guess i didn’t realize….I’ll be home tonight, but we’re out, omg babe i’m so drunk! I’ll see you at home, probably late!”

So i begin to walk back home…and remember the light rail isn’t running anymore….Now, I’ve got a 3.5 hour walk!

Finally i arrive home, it rained a little and i’m soaked, socks wet, and miserable and exhausted….

I open the door and hear slurping sounds and my gf giggling. My heart sinks and i already know what’s happening….I yell “wtf are you laughing about?! The fuck is wrong with you, ur being a fucking bitch!”

And i see the same man from the clips emerge from my bedroom, butt naked….he’s holding my favorite shirt, sweat dripping off his immaculate body and he wipes it off, then wipes his asshole with it, now it has skidmarks and throws it at me, saying “wtf did you say bitch?”

I ask who he is and what he’s doing at my place he replies “whatever tf i feel like doing faggot!” I say no it’s my place, and no i’m not gay” i emphasize gay, since i’m not a fan of bigotry and homophobia…”yeh didn’t say your gay, but you ARE a bitch ass faggot! Wtf you gonna do about it, huh? that’s wtf i thought, now, on your knees…obey or i’m gonna beat you up so badly….maybe you’ll get outta the hospital by the time i get out of jail, but it’s your choice” while making his pecs bounce in a very intimidating way. he walks up to me cracking his knuckles saying “ya know, i really DO hope you put up a fight; nobody ever wants to fight me” I look him up and down, knowing he’d kill me quickly….He’s gotta be a foot taller than me….im 5’9 and he’s gotta be at least 6’6!

I ask if i can take my shoes and wet socks off first and he laughs then slaps me in the face, open handed but hard, immediately followed by a left handed slap, i lose my balance and stumble to my knees, then i say “ok ok” on my knees looking up at him.

“Thank me for bullying you. Do it bitch” i thank him, he laughs, spits on me and gives me a wedgie….i make noise indicating it’s hurting, and he proceeds to give me an atomic wedgie…laughs then demands i take my clothes off but keep my wet socks on….

He laughs hysterically at my dick and shouts “baby, how tf were you actually fucking THIS?! omfg, ok come on slut”

And i see my love…she’s crawling on all fours..crawls up to this greek god and begins kissing his feet. She works her way up his legs, as she kisses and licks literally every inch of his perfect body.

Ali then says “ok now, don’t make me tell you again”

She looks me directly in my eyes “Bobby, keep looking in my eyes, ali says we must keep eye contact and he’s in charge here, ok? Please listen to what he says, i don’t want you to get hurt, i really don’t…not physically anyway. I say that because i i i DO want you to get emotionally hurt. I am sorry but when Ali told me he wanted to fuck me, i told him about you. Over months he kept teasing me for fucking such a loser; i love you but you are a loser. He’s been sending me pics of him, and the girls he fucks and omg babe, they cum so hard, and I fondly remembered being fucked by ali. I broke up with him cuz he cheated constantly and i thought that wasn’t ok, Now i realize how superior he is. It’s a small price to pay to be allowed to touch a superior man, im sure you understand. After i admitted how badly i wanted him he began insulting you and making fun of you. He made me take pics and record our sex, and that’s why i haven’t cum in so long, he said i wasn’t allowed with a loser like you. Ali is a sadist, he loves to make women worship him and loves nothing more than breaking beta men like you. That’s not an insult; you’re a beta, he’s an alpha, ya know?

He’s been planning for months to do this….it’s his masterpiece of destroying a loser!”

By this time i’m crying, tears streaming down my face…

“now bobby, we’re recording all of this and you’re now going to thank ali for making your fantasies come true. I know it hurts; the goal is to break you. Ali and i will marry, and you will work for us and live in a tiny room in the basement. U will be used and abused. I know it hurts but this is your new life now. Sure you can run away or something, but then ali will send all the vids and clips to your entire contact list.

But right now you’re going to beg ali to let you eat his sweaty asshole, do it you fucking piece of shit!” By this time ali is rubbing her pussy with his foot and it’s making her horny af….mmm fuck, i fucking hate you loser!” And she spits on me, confusing and hurting me.

I begin to beg to eat his asshole….

And wow, I began this planning on just whining about being so sad and pathetic but then wrote all this…wow i’ve got issues

#findom humiliation #beta bitch #loser abuse #loser humiliation #self humiliation #degrade and humiliate me #findom addiction #beta #verbal humiliation #pathetic loser #alpha man #beta loser #pathetic men #pathetic sissy #beta slave #pussy free loser #gross loser #humiliation task

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losing10kgs · 11 days

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30 Day Thinspo Challenge All In One Because I’m Bored And Trying To Prevent Cravings

1. 175cm tall, 54kg, BMI is 17.8

2. 5’9. I like this height, but I wish I were a little taller.

3. Kate Moss. Any explanation needed?

4. What everyone will say. And how much it will fuck up my metabolism permanently.

5. I have been stuck like this for YEARS, I want to be skinny so bad. And yes, I am doing it for me

6. No, not really. If I ever get really bad cravings, I just chew a heap of food up and spit it out (disgusting, I know, it’s so bad 😭)

7. Yes. I think mum suspects something’s wrong, but dad doesn’t care. Or if he does, he hasn’t mentioned it.

8. 2 minute side plank, 25 left lifts per leg, 50 side-lying left lifts per leg, 25 hip thrusts, 25 Russian twists with a weight, 50 butt-kicks and mb 20 or so squats if I’m up to it. I’m not very fit, I mostly just do walking.

9. I’ve had someone point out after a lost a bit that I was doing it for attention, though that didn’t actually make me feel all that bad.

10. Pizza. And crisps. And chips.

11. Don’t think I have one, tbh. I just scroll on Pinterest or twitter until I come by one I like the look of.

12. A lot of apples, and eggs. Lots of safe-foods, too, which I think definitely sets me back a bit.

13. Very unhealthily I’d say.

14. At LEAST 48 kg. Just until I don’t have to see a psychologist for ADHD meds, because she has to weigh me and if my weight gets too low, she’ll tell my mum.

15. No. I don’t eat a lot of meat in general, but I haven’t cut it out. I rlly like a good few other animal products, so I don’t think I’d ever get away with a vegan label.

16. About three or nearly four years ago

17. I’m guessing so.

18. Chocolate or garlic bread.

19. I actually am not sure. I didn’t eat much of it beforehand either.

20. Again, don’t really have one. I’m starting the ABC diet, though, so I’ll see how that goes.

21. I only really wearing baggy clothes bc I’m quite trans, but as far as I know: a medium in shirts and a UK 28 in pants. Idk

22. I’m at my lowest weight currently.

23. To The Bone didn’t help.

24. I’m not either of them, so not very highly.

25. I tried so hard to, but I don’t think I have a very active gag reflex because it never really worked.

26. I will look fanTASTIC! Honestly, though, it’d probably worry a few people, but that’s the plan.

27. Depends on whether or not I’m with friends. If I see my friends eating, then I’ll want to eat, but if they’re lot with me, I’ll either try to ignore it or (again) chew it then spit it out.

28. Yeah, why not.

29. Don’t have one. I actually think all sizes are lovely, just not on me, but everyone says that so what does it matter.

30. 10 facts:

1) I was born a girl but I don’t think I am one, which is mostly the reason why I’m doing this.

2) My ribs poke out quite clearly but I’m fairly sure that’s because I’ve got a wide ribcage 😭.

3) Skins is one of my favourite TV shows.

4) My safe-foods are garlic bread, chocolate, carbonara, peanut butter, and Nutella - once again, it’s so bad.

5) This is probably the deepest I’ve ever been in an ED, and I’ve been doing this for years now, so it’s getting serious.

6) I take ADHD medication that reduces my appetite, and I’ve only recently started them, which I’m guessing it why my weight has been dropping more than usual. HOORAY

Can’t think of any more facts, I’m not that deep.

#tw ed ana #4nor3xia #only pro for tags #tw ed but not sheeran #ed relapse #4n0rexic #i wanna lose weight #skinnyyy #30 day challenge

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agentvharrison · 10 months

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// I miss Vivian. More importantly, I MISS Y’ALL.

I know a large part of the problem is what I went through a year ago was just deeply horrible. There’s no way to avoid the impact it’s had on Vivian (and other muses, but predominantly her), on rping as a hobby, on my interest in certain fandoms, on rping in certain fandoms, and on me.

And then I went and accidentally deleted YEARS of headcanons, threads, meme responses, and character development. I’m NEVER going to get all of it back. I can’t even remember what half the headcanons I’d written were about. I can’t remember even a fraction of the blogs I was following - blogs I’d rarely or never interacted with, but loved following nonetheless. My tiny “Following” list feels like an accusation.

I’m still upset over everything I’ve lost - in every way.

But I really, truly, deeply miss the people I’d been interacting with and following. I miss seeing people’s ooc, and their headcanons, and reading their threads. I miss throwing ideas around with friends and partners and would-be partners. I miss the PEOPLE the rpc is built on.

And, finally, my offline life is calming down. The stars are aligning. I have some habits I need to try to break (though since I can’t actually build habits I suppose I don’t actually have habits to break), but honestly spending less time on my phone and more time on my laptop involves a lot of things that would be healthier for me.

So. I have A PLAN:

1. The next few days are going to be about loading up my queue. I’m down to 19 posts. And I have several hundred to add - across this and all Vivian’s sideblogs. 2. Reach out to friends/established partners to say HI! I’ve been ignoring some of you for so fucking long and I’m so so so SO sorry. I’ll also see who wants to keep the verses/relationships/dynamics we had, and who might want to start over or adjust things. 3. Make a list of what headcanons I can remember having written on the accidentally deleted blog. Rewrite what I can remember. Set aside what I can’t remember the details of to work on later. Schedule headcanons to be posted over a reasonable span of time. 4. Clear out inbox and drafts. I’m going to be ruthless. Unless discussed with someone as part of #2, it’s going to go. Sorry in advance. 5. Post a few memes. 6. RESPOND to a few memes. 7. Write up Vivian’s two main verses - default MCU, MCU/Spooks crossover. 8. Less time on phone, more time on laptop, as it’s more conducive to writing/being active on this blog. 9. Try to spend at least 30 minutes a day active on this blog while the cat throws her whole body down against my leg while I’m on the couch for the next two weeks. 10. Work on writing up Vivian’s other verses.

I want to be back here. I am GOING to be back here.

#outofsarcasm #Zen's plan to return

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ravynfyre · 2 years

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So, story time, chilluns.

Helmets will save your life. I don't care what you are doing, if the safety gear includes a helmet, FUCKING WEAR ONE. I mean, things like being a motorcycle cop or a construction worker are pretty simple. It's part of the uniform. You don't use the helmet? You don't get to work.

But let's talk about other things. Like skateboarding. Or bike riding. Or *riding a fucking horse*. Rock climbing. Motorcycling period. Or *riding a fucking horse*.

I do not give one fucking shit if it is "not cool". Wear the fucking helmet.

This past ten days, I was away at a camp in the bowels of hell in the midwest, literally sleeping in a tent and riding equines all day. Rather, I *should* have been riding equines all day... But on day 2 of this 10 day trip, the mule I was riding (not mine, but a reliable mule borrowed from a friend) tripped while trying to climb out of an 18 inch deep creek. She went down to both front knees, then began to scramble to get her feet back under herself, and somewhere in that scramble, around about 3 seconds in, and 30 feet of rodeo bullshit, I came off her back.

I hit the ground *hard*. My entire right side, starting with my bad shoulder, then rolling to my *head*, and then my hip and knee slammed into the earth. Granted, it was only a fall from roughly six feet in the air, but it was at speed with velocity, and I have mass. I am not kidding when I say I hit *hard*. I genuinely was not certain if I had died for a few seconds, and that was fucking scary. And then for another *minute*, I had to try and remember hot to breathe again.

See, I'm not sure if I have ever come right out and explained this here before, but I *used* to be a firefighter. I did the job for 12 years, and was set to do another 12 years before I retired. But while on duty one day, I was injured severely enough that I could no longer safely do the job anymore, and that was all she wrote. Severe nerve damage to my cervical spine, right shoulder, right elbow, and all the way down into my right wrist and hand. (Yes, I am right handed. I used to draw and sketch and paint and carve, and losing the dexterity I lost really. fucking. *sucked*.)

Hitting the ground in the ass end of literally nowhere, I landed on that shoulder *first*. I didn't break anything, but I feel pretty confident in saying that I at least partially dislocated it. I sprained or tore muscles in my hip, and I am honestly not sure what all I did to my knee.

The one part I'm not worried about, however, is my head. Because, yes, I hit my head just as hard as I hit my shoulder. (pretty sure I bounced off a tree or two while I was still in the saddle, too. at least, that's what the bruises and scrapes seem to indicate. I honestly do not remember.) See, I was wearing a helmet. A dorky, english style, ugly, stupid looking riding helmet, instead of my usual baseball cap with my "Queer and Angry" pin on it, or my crushed up cowboy hat with the rainbow ribbons as a hatband. It was honestly the first time I had ever worn a *helmet* while riding, even though I had bought one a couple years ago. They're stupid looking. It's not *cowboy*. I'd look like an idiot... or a coward.

But the person I was riding with wore theirs (although, unfairly, their helmet actually looked like a cowboy hat, so I was feeling all sorts of put out about that) but since they wore theirs, I sucked it up and decided that this wasn't MY mule, and, what the fuck. who would even see me out in the ass end of nowhere wearing a brain bucket anyway? I wore the damn helmet.

The helmet that I now have to replace, because it took that hard of a hit that I would not consider it safe to count on, really, anymore. The helmet that probably saved me from a massive concussion last week. Maybe worse.

All I know is that when that bitch of a mule came trotting back after a couple minutes, I was able to slowly climb back into the saddle and ride my way out of a place where there was literally *nowhere* emergency services could have landed or driven to retrieve me. It took another 30 minutes of riding to even GET to a place that would have been accessible to anyone NOT on horseback. I was able to climb on, hold on, and ride out safely, if in excruciating amounts of pain, because that helmet saved my life. If the mule hadn't returned, if I hadn't decided that fashion wasn't as important as safety for the first fucking time... at the very least, they would have had to send a literal horseback posse into the backwoods of a river valley in a national forest, with no access for even so much as a four wheeler, and *hope* that I hadn't hurt myself enough that I would bleed out in my head during the HOURS LONG ORDEAL retrieving me would have been.

You know, AFTER my friend would have had to leave me there and ride for help, since there was also literally NO phone coverage either.

So, here I am today, everything along the right side of my body is stiff as shit and feels like it's been through a meat grinder. I haven't had more than two consecutive hours of sleep (maximum of four a night) in a week because of pain, but I am here to tell you all:

Wear. The fucking. Helmet.

#stupid firefighter tricks #stupid cowboy tricks #good mule #wear the damn helmet #backwoods emergency #yeeeeehaw!

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torreshalstead · 1 year

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You make the miles worth it - Chapter 6

Summary - The Chicago Marathon had always been a dream for Hailey. And when she meets a stranger in pink running shoes whilst training, she realises that maybe she had been dreaming for more.

Chapter - 7/?

Chapter Summary - Jay introduces Hailey and Vanessa to the rest of the Intelligence Unit.

Notes - as always, thanks for the continued support on this story, it means so much! Hope you enjoy this next chapter! AO3 Link

13 weeks until race day

‘So, who will be there tonight?’ Hailey asked as she and Jay ran down the trail. It was a sunny day with a hint of a breeze rustling the leaves on the trees, it was perfect running weather.

‘Adam, who you’ve already met and his girlfriend Kim. Kevin and Dante will be there too’, Jay said. ‘Voight won’t be there, he never comes out and I doubt Trudy will be there so it’ll just be a small group’. He looked over at her as they ran, sensing the next question she would pose.

‘And what have you told them about me?’, she asked, not meeting his eye.

‘That you’re my friend and I want you to meet them’, he said, ‘that a problem?’

‘Nope, that’s fine.’ She shrugged. ‘V’s got to work a late shift at the restaurant but she said she’d pop over later if we’re all still there’.

‘Perfect’, Jay said as they slowed to a stop, their watches beeping in sync that they had reached their target for the day. ‘I’ll come pick you up at 7:30 and we can head over?’

Hailey scuffed her toes as the pair continued to walk over to the nearest bench so they could stretch before heading their separate ways. ‘I can just meet you there, don’t want to put you out’.

Jay gently poked her with his elbow. ‘You’re not putting me out, promise’.

Hailey gave him a small smile and ignored the fluttering feeling in her stomach. He’s just being nice, she thought.

————————————————————————

Hailey stood in front of her closet in nothing but her underwear, hair still wrapped in its towel, looking lost. It reminded her of a time only a few weeks ago where she had been fussing over what to wear to meet Jay outside of the running trail for the first time. At least that time she had had Vanessa to assist. Vanessa was still at work today so Hailey was alone in trying to decide tonight's outfit choice.

What does one wear to meet the work colleagues of their running partner slash friend slash goodness knows? That question had been circling her brain for the last 10 minutes as she took in every piece of clothing she owned and she was still none the wiser on what would be appropriate.

Checking her watch she realised she only had 20 minutes until Jay was due to show up, and knowing her luck, he’d be early. Grabbing her favourite blue jeans she slid them on, half the outfit done . Debating with just going with a simple black tee when a green velvet top caught her eye. She knew it did wonders for her chest but wasn’t too in your face for meeting friends at a bar. She decided it was safe enough and she was unlikely to get schtick from Vanessa for choosing it when she eventually showed up for the evening.

As Hailey was finishing curling her hair, it had been a braid most of the day so just needed a couple of touch ups, her phone buzzed from the bedroom. Quickly checking the time, she noted it was 5 minutes before 7:30, so no need to guess who the text would be from.

I’m outside :) - Jay

Grabbing her favourite flannel, not a fashion choice that Vanessa would be happy with, but it was comfy and warm enough for the summer evening, she headed downstairs. Picking up her keys from the counter, she took a second just to breathe and check out her outfit in the mirror by the front door. It was cute and casual enough for an evening at a bar she thought as she smoothed down her hair and headed out the door.

——————————————————————————

‘Halstead’, came a voice that Hailey recognised when she and Jay had entered the bar. Just like it had last time they were here, Jay’s hand found its way to her lower back and gently guided her towards the back of the bar where Adam was sitting with a couple of other people who she didn’t know.

‘And hello to you to Ruze’, Jay responded, he had a hint of sass in his voice which the brunette woman sat next to Adam seemed to appreciate as she giggled. ‘Everyone this is Hailey’ he gestured with the hand not resting on her back, ‘Hailey, this is Kim and Dante. And you’ve already had the misfortune of meeting this one’, he nodded at Adam and threw Hailey a grin and a wink. He was doing his best to make her feel comfortable and she appreciated it.

Hailey wasn’t one to reach out of her comfort zone and meet new people very often, something which Jay seemed to have caught on to without her needing to spell it out. It wasn’t that she didn’t like having friends or people she could count on, she was just cautious. When she was younger, meeting new people had led to questions about her home and her family, usually coming about due to the lack of knowledge she had about music or tv, neither being allowed in the house, or the bruises on her arms. But the bruises had faded and hadn’t littered her skin in over a decade now and she watched the same tv and listened to the same tv as anyone else, there was nothing for people to question. But still she was cautious.

Jay was the first person who she had gotten close to since Vanessa, preferring to keep people on the periphery of her life rather than letting them become a part of it. Letting people in meant getting hurt.

‘And this handsome devil is Kevin’, Adam introduced the final member of their party who arrived with a tray of beers.

‘Nice to meet you all’, Hailey said shyly. Kim nudged Adam to slide further into the booth to leave a space and then patted the vacant spot for Hailey. Hailey took it and Jay sat on the opposite side. Sensing she still wasn’t completely comfortable, Jay reached across under the table with his leg and rested it against hers. Jumping at the initial contact, Hailey then visibly relaxed, her shoulders dropping, a small smile tugging at her cheeks as she reached for the beer that Kevin had placed in front of her.

‘Is your roommate Vanessa joining us’, Kim asked.

‘She’s going to pop over later, she’s got a late shift tonight’, Hailey answered.

‘So, do you want to hear embarrassing stories about Jay here?’, Adam asked with a grin. The rest of the unit cheered at this as Jay hung his head and gently shook it.

‘I’d love to’, Hailey said, smiling at Jay and nudging his leg with hers.

At this he looked up and added ‘only if we tell Hailey the story of how you let a teenager kick you in the nuts before she ran away from you’, matching Adam’s grin.

——————————————————————————

It was nice hearing stories from Jay’s time at work from his friends. He was so relaxed around them, even with the teasing but it was obvious his team both respected him and cared for him. They told him how Jay had brought Dante into the unit, something the quiet young man in the corner was clearly grateful for. Hailey was thankful that the conversation was centred around Jay which allowed her to learn more about this man who had run into her life just a few weeks ago and had somehow made himself a fixture.

‘So Hailey’, Kim said, ‘these boys love to gossip’, at this Adam and Kevin both shot her a look of amused disgust but Kim continued, ‘tell us a bit about yourself as all this one’s told us’, nodding at Jay, ‘is that he met you running and you work a the Greek restaurant’.

Hailey swallowed, this had been the bit of the conversation she had been dreading, ‘I mean there’s not much else to tell. Chicago born and bred, met Jay out on the Waterfront Trail and work at the restaurant’.

‘Where she met me!’, Vanessa announced from a couple of steps away from the table. Hailey hadn’t even noticed her best friend walk in. ‘Vanessa, I’m sure Jay told you all about me’, the young woman introduced herself with a wink in Jay’s direction who had to stifle a laugh behind his beer bottle.

‘And this is Vanessa, my roommate’, Hailey said to the group.

‘Roommate, best friend, life coach, resident fashion expert, although good job on the outfit tonight Hails, even without my help’, Vanessa said, causing Hailey’s cheeks to redden as she spluttered on her drink. She felt Jay’s leg press closer to hers at this. She took that to mean he also approved of her outfit, at this thought, her cheeks reddened even deeper. ‘I’ll grab a drink and be right back’, she said and turned heel and headed towards the bar. At this Kevin bumped his shoulder into Jay’s who took that as a sign that he wanted to get out, so Jay slid out and let Kevin follow.

‘Next round’s on Halstead’, Kevin said with a smirk. The group cheered and Jay reluctantly handed over his card to Kevin and returned to his seat.

‘Have you known Vanessa long?’ Kim asked.

‘A few years’, Hailey said, hoping that Kim wouldn’t pry. ‘We worked together and then she moved in and she’s never moved out’, she said with a laugh, humour usually deflects any questions and two colleagues moving in together isn’t that unusual. From what she had heard from Stella, most of the firehouse lived with each other.

‘Bet that helps with the rent’, Adam said. ‘I’ve been trying to get this one to move in with me for the same reason’ he smirked as Kim elbowed him in the ribs.

‘Because that’s romantic’, Kim said and in a mock tone that Hailey guessed was meant to be Adam added ‘Hey Darlin’ move in with me so I only have to pay half the rent and you can do my laundry’. Hailey laughed at this and Dante and Jay did too.

‘Hey!’, Adam said offended, ‘I never said you had to do my laundry’

‘It’s a good thing you’re lovable’ Kim said. Hailey could feel the love the two had for each other, even in the short time she had been with them. Adam hung on every word Kim said, and barely stopped touching her whether it was a hand on her arm, around her shoulders or holding hers. And Kim seemed to subconsciously lean into Adam every time he spoke, almost needing him as close as possible.

‘Because lovable is the word we always use to describe Ruze’, Kevin said as he and Vanessa returned to the table, drinks in hand.

‘I can think of a few more’, Jay chipped in with a laugh, passing a drink over to Hailey and taking one for himself.

——————————————————————————

‘So you and Kevin seemed chummy’, Hailey said when she and Vanessa pulled out of the car park later that evening. Hailey had got a ride in with Jay so Vanessa was driving them both home.

‘Mmhmm’, Vanessa said in a non-committal answer. ‘Well he gave me his number’, she added with a smirk in Hailey’s direction.

‘Vanessa, get you!’, Hailey said, slapping her friend gently on the arm.

‘Well he’s cute and nice and did you see his arms?’, Vanessa said, pretending to fan herself at the thought.

‘I did’, Hailey laughed, ‘from what Jay’s told me he’s a good guy. So are you going to call him?’.

‘Hailey, I love you, but people don’t call each other anymore. I’ll text him later and we shall see. Enough about me anyway, let’s talk about you and Mr Spandex’.

Hailey groaned and rested her head back against the headrest. ‘Stella got you into that as well? Jay doesn’t even wear that much spandex, just standard running shorts.’

‘Sad about that are we?’ Vanessa shot her a wink and moved her arm quickly out of the way before Hailey had a chance to hit her again. ‘I kid, I kid. But seriously Hails, he couldn’t take his eyes off you all night’.

Hailey could feel the colour fill her cheeks and her chest. ‘I’m sure he was just being polite.’

‘Yeah, polite. That’s the word for it’. Vanessa muttered under her breath.

—————————————————————————

As promised, Hailey shot Jay a text when they got in. His reply was almost instantaneous.

Glad to hear it :) Everyone loved you btw, Kim has told me I’m no longer welcome at social events unless I bring you and pretty sure Kevin has the hots for Vanessa. - Jay

Your friends are really nice, thank you for introducing me to them. And you’re right about Kevin and Vanessa, he gave her his number and she’s definitely a fan. - Hailey

You’re welcome :) So do we need to do some matchmaking or are they going to figure it out themselves? - Jay

She said she was going to text him so I guess we wait and see ;) - Hailey

We wait and see then! Night Hailey, see you tomorrow - Jay

See you tomorrow - Hailey

And one final text came in after Hailey had climbed into bed, it made her smile softly and blush.

Sweet dreams Hails - Jay

#upstead #chicago pd #hailey upton #upstead fanfic #one chicago #chicago pd fanfiction #hailey x jay #upstead fanfiction #one chicago fanfiction #jay halstead #upstead fic #Chicago pd fanfic

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jade-escobar · 1 year

Text

Clearing the Air | Jadrigo

Featuring: @rodrigo-esc & Jade Clark with Julia Ivanov, Jewel & Jett Clark, and Leo Malinowski Castillo de Leon; mentions of Jeanette Shapiro Location: Saddle River Day School; San Francisco, CA Notes: 1 step backward, 3 steps forward. Enjoy!

RODRIGO

It had been a couple of days since Rodrigo had the intense talk with Jade's mother. He'd be lying if he said that it didn't leave him completely heartbroken and that he didn't want the already long weekend to last longer. The longer it lasted, the less he had to think about having to be in the same room as Jade again. He didn't know how to face her even if he did miss her like crazy. It was a lot of conflicting feelings and a week wasn't enough for him to begin to scratch the surface. Truth be told, he had never felt this way about anyone but it didn't matter anymore. Jade didn't feel the same. The day had finished and he was glad for the distraction. He knew that his classroom would be piled into soon for dress rehearsals but for the next few minutes, Rodrigo leaned against his desk and took a deep breath. Seeing Jade again would give him some relief. It's not like he didn't miss her but it would also bring all those feelings back and he wasn't sure he was prepared for any of it. Plugging his earphones into his ears, he went over the music for the show and got himself lost in that until he heard someone at the door. He got up and opened it, shocked and infuriated to see Julia there. "What...." He grabbed her arm and escorted her outside the classroom. "What the hell are you doing here? I already told you I don't want to see you again."

JADE

Jade had been a tightly wound bundle of emotions. The past week had her finally coming to grips with the fact that she had feelings for him. Strong, blooming feelings. Their time spent together, coupled with Rodrigo's unfailing kindness touched her heart and the moment she realized it, she couldn't get the truth out of her mind. Yet she wasn't sure if she could bring herself to tell him, or how. They primarily spent time together rehearsing with about 30 jr. high kids. And if she told him and he didn't feel the same way, she had no idea how she would handle the rejection, mostly because they still had a little more time working together before Hamilton opened. He was somewhat distant over the weekend, which only fed her belief that her newly realized feelings weren't even close to mutual. Stuffing it deep down, she privately told herself to just get through Hamilton and then maybe afterwards would be a good time to tell him. If he didn't feel the same--if he did reject her, then at least she wouldn't have to endure seeing him nearly every day for a few hours soon. Spring Break was coming up, and the musical would open soon after that. In the meantime though, she ended up letting the little flips of her heart from Rodrigo's smile bring a smile to her own face. The mental image was even causing her lips to curve. She thought about him ahead of reaching his classroom but stopped once she rounded the corner and found him talking to a woman she'd never seen before. With a silent gasp of surprise, she instinctively retreated back around the corner, having a strange feeling like she'd been unexpectedly intruding on something. But curiosity got the better of her and she peeked, wondering who the woman was.

RODRIGO

"Rodri, I saw what you did for that lead of yours..." Julia smiled, making sure he knew how unbothered she was by his reaction to her being there. She reached for the collar of his dress shirt, raising a brow slightly. "You never dressed up like this for me. You look nice, smell nice too...who are you doing this for?" She grinned, keeping her frame close to his, and Rodrigo pulled back, turning his face to avoid Julia getting any closer. He grabbed both her arms and let them drop to her side. "Listen to me...I'm working and I have a lot of work to do. None of that involves you. You and I were over a long time ago. Get out of here. I mean it." He didn't let her say anything more and Rodrigo went back into his classroom. Julia stood there shocked and annoyed at the rejection before she gripped her bag and made her way down the halls, practically walking into Jade. "Excuse you." She murmured and exited the school.

JADE

Jade hadn't heard what was being said but she was fairly fluent in body language. The woman's was the one she'd been zeroed in on and the way she slipped her fingers up Rodrigo's shirt and gripped his collar... it was an intimate gesture--commanding but intimate. And she'd only moved in closer to him. Jade was convinced that they were about to kiss and she couldn't bring herself to watch that. She turned away, back around the corner and started to walk away, only to abruptly stop. She couldn't leave. She was supposed to be helping with the rehearsal. But she couldn't think straight or focus on Hamilton or rehearsals. Her heart felt like it'd sunk down into her stomach like a piece of lead. Of course he was seeing someone. He was wonderful and it shouldn’t have jarred her to learn it. After drawing in a slightly ragged breath, Jade told herself to push through for the kids' sake. She wouldn't need to engage in or even attempt at some semblance of normalcy between Rodrigo. She'd gotten her answer--he wasn't interested in her, and with a woman like that, why would he be? Her focus could go entirely to finishing up her time with helping the kids. She turned to go back around the corner, only to bump right into the woman she'd spied on with Rodrigo. "Sorry," Jade whispered, still clustered but collecting herself enough to get through the next few hours. Jade reached for the handle to his classroom door, only to pause and knock. Strangely, it didn't feel right to automatically let herself into his space anymore.

RODRIGO

As if everything that was already buzzing around in his head wasn’t enough torture, Julia had to turn up again. He didn’t even make any sense of what she had come to say to him. In his mind, Julia was a lunatic and he wanted nothing to do with her. The interaction was enough to boil his blood that Rodrigo felt his mood shift completely. He didn’t want to be this upset in front of the kids or Jade. Not when they were so close to opening day. So he took another deep breath, fingers digging into the edge of his desk as he tried to gather his thoughts one more. There was a knock on his door again and it had happened so quickly after Julia left that he figured it was her again. Jade wouldn’t knock and his kids stormed in every time. Pinching the bridge of his nose he swallowed hard and let out a dry chuckle. What else could possibly go wrong? Rodrigo opened the door, murmuring, “ I told you to get out…” and he cut his words short almost immediately. Jade was at the door and after not seeing her for a full week, he came to understand the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder saying. He knew he was screwed in more ways than one and he had already forgotten about the visit he had just minutes ago. “Hi. Hey.” He pushed his hand through his hair and stepped to the side to let her in. “I’m sorry. I thought you were someone else and I really didn’t want to see them…” but you? You I want to see always.

JADE

Jade was listening for approaching steps on the other side of the door despite the perpetual self-depricating internal dialogue. It was reminding her that she was no one special and shouldn't have let her budding feelings for Rodrigo go unchecked for so long--nevermind she'd only very recently came to realize them. She flinched at the way he initially answered the door but her face was already largely expressionless prior to his opening the classroom door. "Hi," Jade said just above a whisper, stepping over the threshold and past Rodrigo. She heard his apology but had already been too focused elsewhere to hear the rest of what he had said. Rather, Jade said nothing back and set her tote bag down on the piano bench, taking out the Hamilton piano book to prepare for the rehearsal.

RODRIGO

"Hi." He repeated again, slightly perplexed at Jade's behavior but not entirely. After what her mother had said about her lack of interest and feeling sorry for him, he wondered how much he really knew about her or rather, how much he had allowed himself to believe for the sake of hanging onto a crush. He felt slightly bitter but quickly righted himself realizing that perhaps things have always been like this. He was just being uncharacteristically naive. "Right. So, dress rehearsals this week, and I figured one last one this weekend. If you're busy, it's fine. Just thought we'd get you paired up with the orchestra before opening night so you can tell them of anything you think they'd need to know like um I don't know, any pauses or something." He cleared his throat and kept his distance, by the window, leaning there and wishing he'd understand where they went wrong. He wondered if he was just too much and now things were weird.

JADE

Jade took her time reaching back into her tote bag and taking out her notebook. She already knew the kids' cues and keys that they performed each song in but removed the notebook out of a need to try and occupy herself while trying to push her feelings far down. "Okay," Jade replied, looking outwardly expressionless while internally, she was adamant in trying to focus on anything but Rodrigo. Her heavy heart was aching from the attraction and feelings she'd developed, the pain of knowing he was already involved with someone else, and the embarassment and foolishness she'd felt for not realizing it before--for letting herself think for even a moment that the feelings she'd developed for him would matter, could matter. And it bothered her that her body in mind were reacting so immediately and so significantly, and she could barely do anything to keep any of it from surfacing.

RODRIGO

He watched her every move at the very beginning of their interaction but he quickly became mindful of how that may have made him look. Desperate and probably creepy in Jade's eyes. Even if she had the decency to not break his heart like Julia once did, he would have appreciated it if his friend came clean. The fact that she knew his secret, how he wanted to be with her, and felt nothing more than sorry for him cut deeper than he ever imagined. Still, he wanted nothing more than to be friends, to get over this little hump, and to clear the air. There was only one way for them to do that. They'd both have to come clean. Rodrigo focused on his script a bit longer, staring at the loud corrections, the red marks, the purple highlighted passages, and the little notes for himself and for Jade. It reminded him of times he'd write them in between rehearsals to show her and make her smile. He'd do almost anything to see that again. Now she just seemed miserable, robotic, unbothered. It wasn't her and he was partially to blame for it. he tapped his pencil against the paper a few times, letting a few minutes of silence fall between them. The kids would be arriving soon and this is not how he wanted things to be. "Look." He sighed and placed the script down. "I know I came on perhaps too strong and I can acknowledge how that probably was a huge turn-off for you along with I mean, anything else. I understand. I promise I can take that. I'd much rather we talk about it so we can push and work past it and finish the week off without any hiccups. Sorry if I made things weird between us, Jade but aside from me flirting and wanting to be close to you, I'd like to know if I did anything else wrong. I'd appreciate some honesty."

JADE

Jade was reading the notes she'd already had memorized when she heard Rodrigo address her and sigh. But hearing him say things like, "came on too strong" and then apologizing to her for flirting and wanting to be close to her made her freeze. Inside, her mind was going into panic mode, working even harder to keep his requested honesty shoved down. What good would it do when he had clearly been involved with someone now? Still trying to protect herself, Jade barely looked his direction when she replied, "I don’t know what you want me to say." She turned her body a little from him, similar to how he'd been teaching the kids to 'cheat out' on stage. Her eyes were back on the notebook page. "You didn't do anything wrong," she told him, her voice low but monotonous.

RODRIGO

It really felt like she wanted nothing to do with him and that just added to the hurt that had accumulated over the last couple of days. "do you not want to be friends, I don't understand..." His voice drifted but he shortened the distance between them, taking a few steps toward Jade. "You say that but your body language says differently. I think you've just been very nice to me because you're a nice person. You didn't want to hurt me which I can appreciate but this, I promise you, hurts more. Tell me I was a jerk. Tell me I was overbearing. I'd rather that, Jade than whatever this is. You tell me I didn't do anything wrong but all flags point to you hating me or something." He took a deep breath. "If that's the case. I get it." I think. He didn't get it. He didn't get a lot of things. Did he really play this sick game in his head with himself? Did he really allow himself to believe he'd have a chance with someone as good and pure and kind as Jade? "I know you're not interested in me and that's okay. I just want to know what did for you to no longer want to be friends. I won't make it weird. You're like one of the few people I have in my life I can talk to but I don't want to pressure you to be something or someone you're not and...God, this is very confusing." He's so used to the fight, so used to the argument, the disdain, the pressure, the loathing.

JADE

Jade's face was turning red and the rest of her body was feeling hot once Rodrigo moved closer to her. She closed her fingers around the edges of the notebook to keep from showing the nervous tremble of her fingers. Was she really that transparent? She used to be better at shutting herself off from others, used to be better at going unnoticed and hard to read. Yet Rodrigo was completely right. Each observation of her that he voiced was like taking a shovel to everything she was desperately trying to bury to protect her feelings. "I know you're not interested in me". It wasn't until he said that, that Jade's gaze snapped up at him, eyes wide with fear despite the wobbly defensive tone that left her voice. "How can you know if I'm interested in you or not? And what would it matter?" She stopped herself abruptly, knowing she was letting those feelings surface and she absolutely needed to keep on doing the opposite. Shaking her head a little, she stared determinedly at the notebook again. "It doesn't matter," she answered for the both of them.

RODRIGO

Before he could stop himself, Rodrigo was sitting beside her, facing the opposite direction on the piano bench. It'd be the closest he'd let himself be to her. If she allowed it. When she spoke, he looked up at her, brows furrowing from utter confusion. "Your mother." He said it so matter of factly, not wanting to keep anything from Jade. He was never the type. "She told me everything. You don't have to pretend. It's okay." But the other part of that question made him question just about everything. "What would what matter?" He leaned back slightly to try to gauge her expression without getting too close, without getting too personal, without getting in her space. These were all things he respected. He respected Jade, he cared for her, understood her complexities, took into consideration her nuances and her discomfort, and how far she was willing to go with anything let it be a favor or a task or a conversation. He wouldn't push but also, but he had no idea what was going on and that didn't seem fair or balanced for either of them. "I'm going to be completely honest with you, I'm getting mixed signals here and maybe it's my poor judgment which admittedly gets clouded when I'm around you but I believe it's been established how I feel here." "Everything about you matters. To me. That's all I can add to that I think."

JADE

Jade's fingers were bending and creasing the cardboard front and backing to her notebook as she stood by the piano. Her heart was pounding inside her chest, more so when Rodrigo sat near her on the bench. But it felt like her heart had momentarily stopped when he brought up her mother. Her gaze stilled on him for the rapid passing seconds it took for her to realize when and how he must have met her mother. Her earrings were on the table near the front door of her apartment. And while Jade had a conflicting relationship with pristine and perfect organization, she knew she never left her earrings by the front door. Rodrigo must have brought them by but she hadn't really thought much of it, and her mother never mentioned who dropped them off--not even a description of Rodrigo. Embarrassment flooded her like a bucket of cold water being dumped on her head. She had no idea what her mother had said but knew it couldn't have been anything good, or honest. Jeanette knew nothing about who Jade was interested in. But Jade knew what her mother was like--what she could be like. "My mom doesn't know anything about you," she told him before looking away. And she barely knows me she thought to herself. "She doesn't want me involved with anyone she hasn't hand-picked herself." The less she said about her mother though, the better, but she wanted Rodrigo to know that much. God, this was a mess. And while she was piecing together that Rodrigo was expressing feelings for her, she had no idea why. She knew he was involved with someone. She saw as much that very day, that very hour. Her head shook as she pushed the notebook back into her tote, not meeting his eyes. In 'fight or flight' the flight urge was overtaking her brain, fast. Reaching for the songbook, she shoved it into her tote, only to be caught off guard by Rodrigo once again. His words pierced her heart and prompted a flutter but she couldn't understand why. He kept bringing up friendship before. Maybe that was it. She mattered to him. Everything about her mattered to him. As a friend. That much made sense to her but she couldn't fully swallow that truth and also continue with the rehearsal unfazed. She couldn't push through right now, knowing that her feelings for him were more than friendship. "I have to go," she told him, her voice still shaky. She gripped the handles on her tote, not meeting his gaze as she added, "The kids can use the instrumental recordings today like they do when I'm not available." Jade turned for the door, clinging desperately to what of her resolve was still within her reach.

RODRIGO

And there he was, observing her every move, watching her body language, trying to decipher what exactly was happening here. He wanted to reach for her hand, get her to settle down. Something was bothering Jade and the more he thought he had it figured out, the more he ended up confused. When she said her mother didn't know anything about him, Rodrigo looked at her perplexed once more. "What do you mean? She told me she did. She said you weren't interested, that she knew you well, and that you were nice out of pity. You were a great actress. That's what she said to me." How could she not have known about them unless Rodrigo's smile from ear to ear, his eagerness to see her, and his kindness towards her mother were all indications of what was obvious at that moment? "How did she know? She knew how I felt. I believe you but she knew..." "Wait. Where are you going?" He managed to get up, placing his hand on the door, and hovering over Jade as she got to the exit. "You can sit out of rehearsals. That's more than fine. You can go home if you don't feel well, and you can ignore me another week or so, okay but please you need to hear me out! I like you. I have liked you for a while not and every time I felt like I had a chance, something happened, I felt shut down, felt like maybe you didn't feel the same. The first time it happened, I ignored it because like I told you when we met, I'm incorrigible. I go after what I want. Nothing stops me from doing that but with you, I've taken my time and I've gotten to know you because everything about you screams TLC and I'm okay with that because I want to be those things. I want to be tender and loving and caring and the other night when I almost kissed you? I swear I thought this was it until your mom shut it down. And who better to know you than your mother but you're sitting here telling me she doesn't know about me and I believe it so that's great, we've crossed that hurdle."

He took a deep breath, "Why are you fleeing now, Jade?" And before he can add anything else, he felt the door open against his hand. "Mr. Escobar! Is the door locked?!" His kids were coming in and they were ready to burst through the door as they usually do. "Just a minute, guys!" His gaze burned into Jade's. "Ms. Clark and I are having a talk."

JADE

"That's how she is," was all Jade could bring herself to say in the moment. A conversation about her mom would have to happen another time, if it was going to happen at all. "But it's not true." Of course she knew it shouldn't surprise her that her mom would say that about her, but the truth was that any sort of acting on Jade's part always came from the lifetime of conditioning from her mother. She was her mother's show pony who had succeeded in everything except the one thing her mom wanted her to achieve the most. And when Jade failed at that in her eyes, her mother's played a less hands-on role, but her pricks and critiques of Jade's life and decisions were as subtle as a breeze or as harsh as sea storm, depending on the older woman's mood and personal desires. "Home," she told him, her voice small as she sped to the door. She couldn't stay, couldn't make herself stay. Her mind was reeling from her mom's unexpected yet unsurprising interference. On top of that, she wa edging closer to admitting outright to Rodrigo how she felt about him, even though she knew there wasn't any point. Even though he was startlingly accurate on what he had come to know of her so far. Even though he just admitted that he had in fact almost kissed her. Her eyes stung as she looked down at the handle. Her voice was barely above a whisper, which was as loud as she could control it as she told him, "Because I can't handle this. It doesn't matter how I feel about you. Or how you say you feel about me. You're with someone. Someone I'm sure who's a lot more deserving of you and how great you are. That's not me and I-" Jade choked but forced herself to swallow thickly. "I can't--" Jade jumped, practically out of her skin when the kids try to barge into the room. Running the back of her hand across her lowered gaze she said, "Just let them in, and let me go," she quietly said, reaching for the handle. The last thing she wanted on top of everything else was to fall apart now.

RODRIGO

There were things that Jade said that kept his dimming hope from burning out completely. Maybe he was foolish to do that but Jade never seemed like the type to lie. Great actress, his ass. He should have known nothing from his interaction with her mom made much sense. Jade was always genuine. He couldn't believe there was a bad bone in her. It was why he was so drawn to her. He had never in his life met anyone like her. "You can't handle what?" His eyes searched for answers before she produced them, desperately hanging out to any shift in her expression, anything that gave him the green light to press on. He didn't want her to cry, didn't want her upset but he wanted to know. It wasn't until Jade told Rodrigo that he was with someone that he was completely thrown. He had lost control of the conversation for a moment as he was now surprised at this revelation. "I'm with someone? That's news to me.." He whispered, picking up her chin but the kids were calling both their names out and if he didn't open the door for them, they'd surely get Mrs. Dupont to come and check on them and that was the last thing they all needed. Especially after the education board meeting. "Fuck. I have to let them in. Jade, please don't leave. Okay?" He trusted she wouldn't but he knew how fast she was. At this moment, the kids had to come first. He reached for the handle, never letting his gaze falter, and cleared his throat, allowing Jade to move as well. "Hey! Impatient today, I see! Get to your places and into your costumes!" Rodrigo was high-fiving all of them and Jade was getting lost in the sea of children.

JADE

Now Jade's confusion was growing. She knew what she had seen just moments ago. There was nothing that was strictly friendly about the way that woman had her hands on Rodrigo, or their close proximity to each other. When he lifted her chin, she closed her eyes. She heard his quiet plea but the flight urge was overwhelming her, especially when the students were let in. She stepped aside and kept her gaze to the floor as the kids--most of whom were at or around her height--filtered into the room, chatting excitedly amongst themselves. Jade easily slipped between them and, having already been by the door, passed into the hallway. And ran. Her tote was pinned under her arm but it had taken slowed her in the least. Rodrigo told her he wasn't with anyone. Was that true? It had to have been. He hadn’t been dishonest with her before. In fact he was the very opposite, which was something she liked about him. His honesty coincided with his kindness towards her, which was deeply refreshing for her. Still, even I'd he was single, and was interested in her, what was it that made her deserving of his affections? That was something she couldn't fathom. Her mother's rearing, her father's decisions in how little he was involved in most of her life, and and the piss-poor excuse of the past couple of men she'd dated gave her no reason to believe that she was trult desirable or wanted. Jasper, the twins and the few friends she had were kind towards her, included her in their lives, and showed that they cared for and about her. But it wasn't the same and it wasn't the kind of relationship she was finding herself drawn towards when it came to Rodrigo. And she felt foolish for wanting it when she didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve him.

RODRIGO

He was losing this fight, he could tell but for the first time ever in their relationship, he was willing to keep pushing. It made no sense to do otherwise. Something was bothering Jade and he was on the brink of discovering what it was. If they talked it out, they'd manage. He just knew it to be true. When he turned to make sure she was still among the students, Rodrigo frowned when he didn't see Jade. "She keeps doing that." he whispered. "Doing what?" Leo looked up at Rodrigo, a confused but almost amused expression on his face. Rodrigo pointed at him and decided not to think too much. Jade was fast after all. "We're talking about that look you're giving me later but you're in charge for now. I'll be right back. Make sure everyone goes over the first number." And with that, Rodrigo ran out too, jogging down the hallway, down the stairs, and out of the building, his lungs unable to keep up with the stamina his adrenaline rush was producing. "Shit. Jade! Fuck, I'm quitting smoking today." He murmured as he looked around the campus front lawn for her. "Jade!" If he missed her, he'd run after her after the rehearsals but he really didn't want her to go. Something was telling him not to give up. And that's when he saw her, standing in the parking lot, gathering her things and he took the opportunity to run up to her. "You...okay...give me a sec." He took a few breaths and then exhaled. "You're really hard to catch up with." Rodrigo held up a finger, begging for a minute with his eyes. "Okay, okay. I have Leo in charge of kids twice his size so for his sake, I need you to listen. I'm not seeing anyone. I don't know where you got that idea. The thought isn't even an option because I can't imagine being with anyone that's not you and that's been a CONSTANT thought for days for me." He breathed again. "And if you think that I can just let you leave without me clearing that up, you're so wrong." Rodrigo breathlessly looked Jade in the eyes. 'Because you're all I think about, it drives me crazy."

JADE

At first Jade wasn't sure where she was running to, but logic started to kick in and she'd started towards the staff and visitor parking lot. She'd been delayed by the search for her keys when she heard Rodrigo gaining on her. Some irrational side told her to bolt but log won out and she stayed put, catching her own breath while her fingers finally brushed the metal of her keychain. Her chest heaving was nothing compared to how harsh Rodrigo had been breathing once he'd caught up to her. She started to ask if he was okay but pursed her lips obediently when he held up a finger. Her shoulders fell and she frowned. But she listened to him while her breathing continued to level out. "I saw you with another woman, when I got here today. She looked like-... she's not your girlfriend?" Jade asked, taken aback. It was a bit if an irrelevant explanation at this point though because everything Rodrigo said after that made her hear feel like it was being clutched. Her eyes became glossy and her chest felt tight like she might faint or burst out in sobs. But she smiled. Tears did well up and trickle down her face but smiled sadly at Rodrigo. "Rodrigo, I don't..." Jade lowered her gaze. "No one's ever said anything like that to me before." She drew in a shaky breath and then admitted, "I like you. I always look forward to the time we spend together, and when we're not here, I'm thinking about you. A lot." Cheeks burning, she glanced up at him, wiping her eyes again. "I don't know why you like me. Or want to be with me though. I don't..." Her windpipe suddenly felt very narrow and she turned away, leaning on the side of her car while trying to force herself to breath deeply. "I'm no one special and I haven't done anything to deserve you."

RODRIGO

Catching up to Jade was embarrassingly enough no easy feat. Hopefully, they'd laugh about this moment later. For now, Rodrigo was wondering how much a gym membership would cost and if he could really quit cigarettes because this was not it. When Jade finally spoke, he listened intently, lips frowning as he realized what had gotten her so upset. "Julia? The blonde? Oh, Jade, that's my ex. You know, the one I told you about? She wants nothing to do with me, trust me. She just thought she'd get her kicks because nothing is going her way now or something." He laughed, finally catching his breath. "She is not my girlfriend nor will she ever be my girlfriend. Never again, I promise." When she continued to talk, he listened, his eyes zeroing in on Jade's tears. "Hey..." He walked up to her, this time slowly so that she'd have enough reaction time to smack him or turn him away. Rodrigo cupped her face, wiping her tears with his thumbs. "Is this okay?" He whispered and then listened some more. "You don't know why I like you? I can give you a whole list. Two if you give me time." Rodrigo's gaze met hers, keeping her face in his hands but she turned away to lean on her car. He missed it immediately and so he gently pulled her away from the vehicle and practically into his arms, wrapping them around her frame. "You're the most special person I've ever met and it's me that doesn't deserve you. I'll make sure you're reminded of that. How can I not like someone so kind and loyal and funny and smart and talented and giving and beautiful? Tell me how?" He withdrew his embrace to cup her face once more, leaning in as much as possible and lowering his head so that he could kiss her forehead. "Please...can I kiss you?"

JADE

Jade's lips parted but no sound came out when Rodrigo explained that the woman she'd seen him with was his ex. Her mind recalled some of what Rodrigo had previously told her about the woman, Julia. And then she brought her watery eyes back up to his as he neared her even more. His cooler hands further highlight just how much she'd been blushing but she welcomed his touch, closing her eyes as he wiped away the thin streams of tears. She nodded at his first question and then shook her head at his second. Because she honestly did not know. She wasn't special--her Mom had more than humbled her on that. And in a way, so had her dad. And she hadn’t thrown herself at Rodrigo or done anything extraordinary to make herself seem worth his interest. At least that's what she believed. The discomfort from the foreignness of being shown tenderness, kindness and intimacy from someone who wasn't a sibling, wasn't a friend and wasn't a part of her staff, was a feeling she fought hard to push through. She wanted to embrace it, much like how Rodrigo currently had her tiny body enveloped in his arms. Jade slowly straightened her arm, letting her tote bag slide from the bend of her elbow and hit the ground with a solid 'thud'. And then she returned Rodrigo's hold, hugging her arms around the middle if his back his back. She shook her head at him, knowing that the two of them could argue which of them was the least deserving of the other. And then she lightly smiled at him, eyes still a bit watery, "I can't tell you... I just... I have a lot of baggage, Rodrigo. You should know that now." Her eyes closed again, the moment his lips made contact with her forehead. Without even being aware of it, his closeness, embrace and the kiss to her forehead had calmed her significantly. And when he asked to kiss her, she very nearly could have cried again from the amount of love he was making her feel, just by sharing his feelings for her with her. He was special to her, so special.

When asked if he could kiss her, Jade opened her eyes again and met his gaze. "Yes," she told him, lifting her chin and raising on her toes. It wasn't much to help with their 9-inch height difference but she tried.

RODRIGO

Feeling Jade's arms around his middle made him return her smile. Rodrigo would do anything to stop her crying. He had decided he hated seeing her so sad and never wanted to be the reason she looked like that. "Who doesn't have baggage? You don't have to tell me. You don't have to tell me now. I want to learn about it, want to know everything about you. The good and the bad and we'll figure things out together. If you let me. I also have baggage. Here, my father? He's in prison because he's a deadbeat. Well, that's not the only reason but you get my drift. I'm nowhere near perfect and neither are you and that's all more than okay. I just want you. When Jade gave him the green light, he didn't hesitate, lowering his head to capture her lips, closing his eyes as his thumbs caressed her cheeks. It had been all he had wanted to do for weeks now and everything he had built himself up for just a week ago. The kiss was worth the wait, worth the insecurities, worth all the terrifying moments they had both endured to finally get here. He'd forgotten where they were momentarily and Rodrigo took his time exploring the lips he had been thinking about for far too long.

JADE

"I know, but I have a lot of baggage. You should know that now," Jade feebly argued. She wasn't expecting Rodrigo to share something about himself in that moment and she'd been understandably surprised that what he'd had to tell her was that his father was in prison. Up until then, she couldn't recall a time where Rodrigo had ever mentioned his father. But he'd moved on from talking about it and told her that he wanted her. She wouldn't be able to focus on much else if he kept talking to her in that moment. Her thoughts were swimming, up until he brought his lips to hers and she kissed him back. At that point, Jade felt like some of her fears were melting away--enough of them for her to shut her eyes and enjoy the feel of Rodrigo's lips on hers. Her fingers gripped the back of his shirt a little firmer, and she'd leaned a little into him while on her toes, relishing every millisecond of the moment passing between them. She'd parted her lips a little to grant him entry while angling her head a little to deepen this kiss.

RODRIGO

"That's okay", Rodrigo whispered, his knuckles gently caressing Jade's cheek. He just didn't care about the baggage. Nothing would turn Rodrigo away unless Jade was another Julia and she was definitely not that. His mind had been made up over who he wanted to be with and it seemed like she felt the same way. The English teacher smiled against her lips right before hers were parted. Grateful for the new angle, Rodrigo's tongue found its way to gently massage against Jade's, a soft moan escaping his mouth. He didn't want to stop and if not for a handful of tweens sitting in a classroom waiting on them, he probably wouldn't but alas, they had work to do. He pulled away only slightly, enough for him to drag his thumb against her bottom lip, eager gaze fixated on her mouth. "We could um...continue that later. After class. I promise I'll continue that later..." He chuckled softly bending his head to kiss her once more. "It'll be a distracting hour but I think I can manage..." Who was he kidding? Rodrigo was good as gone. He kept his face close to hers and he left a soft peck against the side of her neck before his lips spoke slightly below her ear. "How does this work? Let me take you on a proper date." He smiled, pulling away once more to capture her features. "And another, and many after that. Am I like...your boyfriend now?" His grin grew from his teasing. He dropped his hands so that one could take one of Jade's, interlacing their fingers together but his eyes never left from admiring her face.

JADE

His comforting touch to her face made a melting feeling run down her from the inside, slow and soothing. And when he kissed her, she found herself quickly deciding that she liked the way he kissed her. And she wouldn't admit it aloud but his gentle moan and his expertise in exploring her mouth made a throbbing start between her legs. It ended up being a small blessing that he'd ended the kiss when he had. He was right though that there were rehearsals to get to and a classroom full of kids waiting on his return. Her fingers curled further into his shirt when he spoke against her neck, light stubble tickling her pale brown skin. "Okay," she said and when he added more dates after she agreed to the first, she smiled at him and chuckled a little. "I guess you are. I'd like you to be. But let's sort out that first date, first. And this rehearsal." Removing her arms from around him, Jade spread her fingers a bit and bent them to his, and then bent to pick up her tote. "The kids re probably wondering what's going on..." she trailed off looking back towards the school, her eyes zeroing in on the windows to the music room, only to see some heads quickly bob out of sigh from the open blinds. Face quickly turning red, she looked back up to Rodrigo. "....Or not."

RODRIGO

Rodrigo chuckled at her words, agreeing to sort out what they'd be after a first date and if they could get through the rehearsal. He moved to take her tote from her with his free hand, flashing her a smile when he did so. Her hand felt nice in hers, perfect even and he silently wondered if she thought so too. "Yeah, they probably think you run track too.." His words trailed off when he followed her gaze with his own. "Oh, great." How would he explain it? Well, he didn't have to. He was the teacher after all. He could act as if everything was fine and not make a mention of anything at all. "Was that Michael Sin holding up Leo?" He shook his head and looked over to Jade, chuckling softly before pressing a kiss against her cheek. "We've got this." He gave her hand a squeeze to reassure her and shouldered the tote on his other arm. He'll let go of her at the very last moment they get, right before they walk into the school. "You look very pretty today, Ms. Clark. I've been wanting to tell you since you walked in but what else is new?" He was glad there were very few staff members left in the building. "How about a burger after?"

JADE

"I did, in high school," Jade admitted. Now she just ran for the exercise and because it sometimes helped with her anxiety. But she was sure the kids would only bring up her running as an afterthought, had they even noticed that she'd literally run off. Her gaze was still at the window though when Rodrigo asked about Leo being held up by Michael. "I think you're right. We'd better get back before he drops him and we're out of a king." The additional kiss from Rodrigo made her smile a bit. Jade was sure that later on, she'd end up thinking more about everything that had transpired between them, but for now, she was allowing herself to live in the present and bask in the good feelings that came with it. Keeping her hand in his felt right--more so than she expected it would. She walked beside him back into the school, and then reached for her tote from him. "Thank you. And please call me Jade," she insisted. While they walked back to the music room, she considered his offer and realized she didn't have much of an appetite right now, likely because her stomach felt full of butterflies. She also hadn't really worked herself up to eating more than half a granola bar or a few bites of fruit in front of Rodrigo but she was doing her best not to overthink. Instead, she told him, "Sure, we could go get something after rehearsals. I wouldn't mind finding a place that has vanilla milkshakes."

RODRIGO

"We need a king and we definitely need a Leo." He laughed and then nodded at her asking him to call her Jade. "I was only teasing." It would be nice to have a proper meal with Jade. He hadn't forgotten her dizzy spell in Mexico or the fact that she once admitted she barely gets the chance to eat when she's constantly running around. He'd take care of her. "Oh, no you're talking. I'm a strawberry milkshake man myself but we can get both. Be all cute, get two straws." His smile grew even more at the very cheesy but very adorable image. He was never the type or at least he didn't think so. That's all changed since meeting Jade. Their entire situation had made him giddy, all smiles, and probably completely impossible to deal with. Fletcher was going to make sure he knew about himself. Leaning against the door, he wanted to look at Jade one last time before going in. It's not that she'd disappear or something, (at least he hoped not), it's just that Rodrigo didn't want to forget anything about this day. "Ready?"

JADE

Jade smiled, "Yes, we do," agreeing to both. Leo was one of the few kids she was especially fond of, not just because of the young boy's charisma, talent and maturity but because he was considered one of the twins' best friends. Talking about a dinner date and hearing Rodrigo share that he liked strawberry milkshakes the best was something that she would keep in mind in the future. Everything about the relationship they'd entered was new now. She'd found herself walking a little ahead of Rodrigo but paused and looked back to him just as he asked her if she was ready. "Yes. Just a few more rehearsals to go, and then, it's you and the kids from there." It was a bit of a bittersweet thought; the rehearsal times would be over soon for her, but it also meant she would get to sit in the audience and watch the production in full, along with Jasper and all the parents and other families.

RODRIGO

"I can't believe it. I'm going to miss having you around. We'll have to make up for that somehow." He smiled and looked down just thinking about it. "The kids will miss you too. But anyway, we should go in there before they really lose their mind." Rodrigo opened the door, hearing the sounds of chairs being peeled away from the door and he couldn't help but laugh at the innocence. "Okay okay, how did we survive?" He leaned against the opened door, smiling as Jade walked in and ignoring the giggles from the kids. "Suprise, Ms. Jade!" Leila appeared with a cake in hand and some flowers. "We all asked Mr. Escobar if we can get you something as a thank you." Leo popped up and nodded. "Yeah! He helped us get everything together." They all looked at their teacher and he shook his head, holding up one hand in surrender. It was their moment. "The kids really wanted to say thank you for all your hard work. It's our last week together. So, you know...can't say no to those faces." And right on cue, they all pouted, puppy dog eyes in full view and Rodrigo joined before clapping his hands. "Jewel, Jett, get the plates and utensils, Michael, get the napkins. Cake and then one full rehearsal before your parents get here." He looked up at Jade and winked quickly before moving to help set up the tables.

JADE

Jade gave Rodrigo a knowing smile while thinking better of voicing any sort of retort that she could think of. She didn't know what the etiquette was like at the school but figured to err on the side of caution in case someone in passing overheard and took issue with hers and Rodrigo's brand new relationship. "Good idea, we don't want to prolong their rehearsal any longer." She passed by Rodrigo through the threshold and took in the kids' rushed attempts at looking like they had been doing absolutely nothing other than sitting and angelically waiting for their teacher/director's return. Jade smiled to them and shook her head, "Nice try. We saw you guys." But her smile fell as her face morphed into one of pure surprise at the flowers and cake. And it as even more clear that Rodrigo knew her well since he had responses ready before she could protest the generosity. She looked to him and while the kids grabbed items to get the cake dished out, Jade was significantly more relieved that the cake would be largely portioned out to the kids. And during the kids giving bursts of excitement over the cake, Jade placed the flowers with her tote near the piano, and then offered to cut the cake slices for each of the kids who wanted some. She'd cut even slices for the kids and a slightly bigger piece for Rodrigo. Her own slice was smaller and she'd set it aside at the piano with her other belongings, deciding to take out her water bottle from her tote for a few gulps. "Thank you all for your kindness. The flowers are beautiful. Be sure to get something to drink so your mouths and throats are cleared to sing," she advised to the kids who could hear her.

RODRIGO

"Yes, Ms. Jade." The student's voices echoed throughout the room and Rodrigo chuckled before taking a forkful of his piece of cake and then leaving it to the side. It would be hard not to steal glances today but he'd make it work. All he knew was that he had a date tonight with the girl he couldn't stop thinking about for days now. Life couldn't get better than that. "Alright, two more minutes and we need to get you in your places. Leo, my man, come here let me fix that wig of yours. Its givinggggg nightmare on Elm Street not royalty." The kids laughed including Leo and he marched over to his teacher to get the wig in place. "Don't worry, we'll have hair and makeup on our last dress rehearsal so you'll get an idea of what to expect with your wigs and mics. One minute, guys." He warned the kids who stuffed their mouths and took sips of their drinks before marching up to the faux stage. "We'll have the theater the rest of the week to rehearse. Start from the top. Ms. Jade?" He looked over to his almost girlfriend and smiled. "Care to do the honors?"

JADE

Jade felt light in her happiness, being in the music room again and helping out Rodrigo and the kids as she'd been for weeks now. She chuckled at Rodrigo and Leo, and then offered to help Jewel pull her curls back into a low ponytail for the beginning of the production, much like Lin-Manuel Miranda had done in the original performances. She knew the style would excite Jewel even more. And after giving a quick adjusting tug to he tan jacket Jewel started out wearing, she whispered, "Break a leg," to her half-sister and then turned to the piano. After throwing a small, quick smile to Rodrigo and then looking to the kids to make sure that they were ready, Jade placed her fingers on the piano keys and got the kids going on their dress rehearsal. It had been a true pleasure to see how much all of the kids had progressed over the weeks, but periodically throughout the rehearsal, Jade's mind would wander back to the plans she and Rodrigo made afterwards today. And she couldn't wait for their first date.

#Clearing the Air para #Rodrigo

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