#jackass ff
Note
Hello I have jealous Knoxville brain rot and I was wondering if you could write a Knoxville x fem!reader where the reader is bams best friend and they grew up skating together attached at the hip but Johnny is fully into the reader and she’s into Johnny (he does not see this) but he thinks she and bam are going to date because everyone thinks they would make the perfect couple. It can take whatever direction you would prefer from there I just would die for some pining jealous Knox 😭
Going Up
[Johnny Knoxville x F!Reader]
Desc: Anon covered it but I made it smutty! As in elevator sex smutty...
A/n: need to put eyeliner on johnny rn. also I'm trying to do something different in all of my smuts so they don’t get boring or repetitive to write so lmk if you like it!! comments and reblogs make my day fr <3
Warnings: smut (18+), p in v, public sex (sort of), alcohol
3.4k words
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Bam and you were fucking around on your boards, doing stupid tricks and just wasting time until you were called to set. You always thought it was stupid that your call times were so early when you were never really needed until the afternoon at least. Nonetheless you showed up, bored and hungover.
“Fuck I’ve almost got it.” You bitched, irritated that you couldn’t succeed in the easiest tricks when your head was throbbing from the night before. Bam laughed,
“Yeah, sure you do.” This earned him a prompt thump on the arm from your fist, your teeth grinding.
“Shut up, dickhead.” He still laughed, only holding the site of injury this time. He looked up behind you and raised his eyebrows. You spun around to see who he was looking at only to see Johnny Knoxville staring over at the two of you, quickly shifting his gaze once you spotted him, pretending he wasn’t looking.
“Hmmm.” Bam hmmmed.
“What?” You asked, skating in circles around him.
“He’s got the hots for you.”
You rolled your eyes, “You think everyone’s got the hots for me.”
“Because they do!”
You scoffed, “Your ego for me is bigger than my own. No one even asks me out anymore.”
“That’s ‘cause they think we’re dating.”
You pouted in contemplation. “I guess. Well why won’t you date me then?!” You brought your arms around Bam’s neck in mockery as you skated past him, laughing as he attempted to shoo you off. You planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek like a drunken aunt.
“You’re gross. You’re like my sister, freak.” You giggled as Bam attempted to wipe your spit off his face, arms still wrapped around him.
Johnny swallowed thickly as he observed you acting all coupley with Bam, sipping the crappy cup of coffee he got from the catering table when Ryan wandered over to him and looked to see what he was gawking at. He sighed,
“You know they’re not dating, right?” Johnny was snapped out of his daze upon hearing his voice.
He cleared his throat, “What? Oh, uh. Yeah.” He scratched the back of his head, feeling caught. He bit his lip, looking back over to you, his heart beating a little faster the wider you smiled.
“She probably likes you dude. There’s not many women that don’t.” Johnny took another sip from his styrofoam cup, eyes still on you, shrugging. Ry just shook his head, chuckling under his breath. He patted Johnny reassuringly on his shoulder and walked away, leaving him to yearn a little longer. You glanced up to see Johnnys eyes still drinking you in. You smiled and waved at him jokingly, causing his cheeks to flush as he hobbled off. Maybe he does have the hots for you after all.
“She probably likes you dude. There’s not many women that don’t.” Johnny took another sip from his styrofoam cup, eyes still on you, shrugging. Ry just shook his head, chuckling under his breath. He patted Johnny reassuringly on his shoulder and walked away, leaving him to yearn a little longer. You glanced up to see Johnnys eyes still drinking you in. You smiled and waved at him jokingly, causing his cheeks to flush as he hobbled off. Maybe he does have the hots for you after all.
A few days later you were in your hotel room applying your makeup, ready to go hit the bars after filming on location in New York. Bam and you were sharing, not the same bed but still, it didn’t help the rumours. You carefully lined your lips with liner as Bam lay on his bed staring at the ceiling, bored out of his tree waiting on you.
“The bars are gonna be fucking closed by the time we leave.” You rolled your eyes, rubbing your lips together and tousling your hair.
“It’s not even eleven yet. We’re gonna be early freak.” Bam pushed himself off the mattress,
“Fuck this, I’m leaving with Ryan it’s too late to be this sober.”
He grabbed his jacket and key card and swung the door open only to be met with a tall figure, hand raised and ready to knock.
“Johnny.” Bam spoke, leading you to snap your head to take a look at the supposed man at your door.
“Hey.” The often confident man’s voice wavered awkwardly, as if he had been caught in a trap. Bam leaned back to look at you, then back to Johnny, smiling like an idiot.
“I was about to head with Ryan, you can come if you want or uh…” Bam raised his brows suggestively, something you didn’t spot. Johnny cleared his throat and swallowed thickly, contemplating for a moment whether or not he wanted to let it out that he’d rather stay with you.
“I can stay with her while she gets ready. Bring you down if you want.” He called out to you, biting the bullet. You flicked your hair away from your face, grinning,
“Sure. I’ll be ready in a minute anyways.” Bam shrugged and left the two of you to it, Johnny stumbling in and seating himself on the edge of your bed, observing you through the mirror as you smudged some more eyeliner in your waterline.
“That looks like it hurts. Is it not going into your eye?!” Johnny gritted his teeth together while you giggled.
“I’m used to it. Here let me put some on you.” You held the eyeliner pencil between your fingers and turned to face him though his hands were already raised up, refusing.
“Oh come on! It doesn’t hurt and you can wash it off if you really hate it!” You flashed your best puppy dog eyes which ultimately worked as he simply couldn’t say no to you when you looked like that. He rolled his eyes as you grinned, moving closer to him. His breath hitched as your knees brushed against his, hands holding himself up as he leaned back slightly, eyes peering up at you. You took your bottom lip between your teeth in concentration and rested your hand against his cheek, Johnny swallowing right after. You used your thumb to pull his eye down just a tad, enough to see his waterline and went right in to apply it, accidentally poking him straight in the eye.
“Ow!” The jabbed exclaimed, pulling away from you and holding his hand over his eye dramatically.
You rolled you eyes. “Alright sorry. It was only a poke! C’mere it didn’t even get in your waterline.” Johnny was about to protest but felt he couldn’t once you pulled his face forward again forcefully, tongue poking out of your mouth as you concentrated on the task at hand.
He looked up to the ceiling and pretended the situation wasn’t incredibly uncomfortable as your raised leg kneeled on his lap in order to get the job done, face so close to his own as you tediously worked on coating his under eyes with black eyeliner. He couldn’t help but let his eyes drift to take you in, somehow you looked even more beautiful when you were in concentration. Your eyes met his and you smiled with your brows knitted together, a little unsure on why he was gawking once again. Well not really unsure, you were fairly sure. As you got back to it, Johnny posed a question,
“So you do this with Bam a lot huh?” You rolled your eyes at the insinuation of it.
“Well yeah, ever since he saw Ville with it he begs me to do it all the time. He fucks it up whenever he tries to put it on himself.” You pulled the pencil away to admire your work as the first eye seemed done.
“Looks good.” You smile, Johnny trying to move his head to take a look in the mirror but your hand pulling his face away.
“Not yet. Lemme do the other one.” You repeated your movements of pulling his eye down slightly with your thumb to do the next one, brows knitted together.
Johnny looked up to you, sunken eyes boring into your face.
“So you and Bam huh?” You scoffed, that was a sentence you heard practically everyday.
“No. Not me and Bam. How long have I known you at this stage?!”
Johnny smiled. “I dunno. You’re sharing a hotel room so.” His southern voice drawled. You continued penciling in the makeup.
“Different beds idiot. MTV’s budget must be tight this year.”
Johnny bit his lip. “So there’s nothing going on there.”
You shook your head, “Nothing.” That’s when you finished the job, pulling away to admire your work.
“Not bad huh?” This time you allowed Johnny to look at himself, standing up to get closer to the mirror.
“Christ I look ridiculous.”
You laughed, “No you don’t! This is so in right now.” You folded your arms and came up to the mirror as well to look at his face through the reflection.
“Yeah it’s in for twenty year olds. I’m old remember?”
You rolled your eyes. “You’re only like nine years older than me.”
Johnny flashed you a ‘careful’ look, but you smiled it off. He looked fucking hot if you were being honest, and that little crush you had on him was coming back in full force. You bit your lip as you and Johnny stared at each other for a little too long until he bustled off to the bathroom to attempt to scrub the liner off. His efforts were almost futile, a faint black still present in his waterline.
“That’s hot! No, seriously it looks good like that.” Johnny sighed as he realised he’d have to go out with a trace of makeup on his face.
“Are girls gonna think I’m gay?”
You laughed, shaking your head. “Well you’ll have me on your arm so, hopefully not.” Johnny raised his brow at you but you ignored him, grabbing your purse, ready to hit the bars.
The bar everyone was meeting at was busy and bustling, a live band playing. You and Johnny arrived together of course and hit the bar immediately to get some drinks, already far too sober compared to the likes of Chris and Steve-o. You sat together in slightly close quarters, chatting amongst yourselves. You were enjoying his company, he smelled nice and the more you drank the more flirty you got. You had already punched Steve-o square in the arm when he made a dumb comment about Johnny’s ‘new look’ and an hour later his arm was draped over you. That was until Bam stumbled over to you all, clearly very drunk.
“You have to come dance with me. Now!” He reached out and grabbed your hand, forcing you up and away from your arm candy.
“Hey!” You called out but Bam was already pulling you onto the dance floor, hands grabbing your waist to dance with you.
You reluctantly pulled your arms up around Bam’s shoulders. Sure you loved to dance but when you did with Bam and you were drunk, the rumours were only set ablaze. You tried to catch Johnnys eyes as you swung your hips, only seeing him grit his teeth and practically glare at Bam. Was he… jealous? You looked at your dance partner who was too inebriated to have any sort of spatial awareness, simply blindly moving you around. Out of the corner of your eye you spotted an attractive looking girl dancing by herself and so you hatched a plan. As Johnny continued to glare you pushed Bam off of you and practically shoved him towards the other girl.
“This is Bam!” You called out to her and she looked rather thrilled, must’ve been a fan.
As the new couple began to dance once more you strutted over towards Johnny who was now looking at you like a deer in the headlights.
“Come on. You wanna dance with me right? Well dance with me now!” You slipped your hand in his and pulled him up, dragging him behind you as you set off for the floor.
Johnny was in slight shock, his hands finding their way to your waist in a daze as you brought your arms around his neck, moving your hips with the beat. You looked up to Johnny and flashed a smug grin,
“Were you jealous Knoxville?”
Johnny blushed, laughing and shaking his head.
“So what if I was?”
You smiled even wider, taking Johnny’s hand from your waist and moving it down to cup your ass.
“You don’t need to be.”
You chewed your lip as his hands felt you up on the dance floor, not caring that people might see your skirt riding up and exposing your ass. Johnny looked especially attractive as he appeared almost flustered, cheeks burning red and eyes blown out. As the music changed you moved yourself around so your back was pressed against his chest, letting his arms drape around you and push you closer to him, feeling the outline of his dick press into your ass. You grinded to the beat of the loud music, feeling his breath on your neck and his stubble grazing your skin. It felt almost too intimate right there in the middle of all the bodies, sweaty and drunk, but god did you want him. You placed your hand over Johnny’s as it pressed into your stomach to hold you there and turned around so you could whisper in his ear,
“Wanna get out of here?”
Johnny only nodded, allowing you to lead him away from the crowds and out of the bar towards your hotel. Boy were you glad it was so close by as the desperation was radiating off of your hot bodies, clammy hands holding each other as you made your way through the streets, no talking necessary.
You both smiled politely at the receptionists as you wandered inside the hotel, trying to act as if you weren’t as desperate as you’d ever been, silently praying no stranger would join you in the elevator on your way up. Alas you were left alone, standing side by side as the doors shut. One second later Johnny flipped himself around and slammed his lips onto yours, forcing his leg between yours so they were parted and making out with you roughly. Your hands flew up to hold his face, letting out quiet whimpers as he took you with such force. His hands were already roaming over your body, fisting the fabric of the back of your skirt in his hand and pulling it up. If you didn’t know him any better you’d think he was about to fuck you in the elevator.
That’s when you felt it jolt, stopping on whatever floor you were on. You opened your eyes and pulled away from Johnny’s mouth in a panic, thinking something had broken but instead you were met with his hand over the emergency stop button, manical grin on his face. You covered your mouth with your hand, half shocked but entirely bemused.
“Are you serious?!” You laughed, completely bewildered.
“Couldn’t wait any longer.” is all he said, immediately diving back in to kiss you once more.
As your skirt had already been pushed up over your ass, in fact bunched up around your waist, Johnny’s fingers were smoothly tucked into the band of your panties, waiting for the moment he could finally pull them down. He took the opportunity as soon as your hand reached down to palm him over his pants, pushing your body against the wall of the elevator at the same time. You let out a groan as you frantically unbuckled his pants, him eventually giving in and shoving them down to pool around his ankles instead.
After some more hot and heavy making out, you felt Johnny’s hard cock press into the inside of your thigh and so you took matters into your own hands, freeing the member and urging him to fuck you against the cool metal walls of the box. You moaned as he entered you, his stubbly chin grazing your neck and lips kissing the skin tenderly as he began bucking his hips forward. He dug his thumbs into the skin of your waist to hold you still, your arms wrapping around his neck to brace yourself the faster he went.
Johnny’s grunts and your whimpers echoed around the elevator, it even jolted slightly with every thrust and it almost felt surreal that heart throb Johnny Knoxville was fucking you in a hotel elevator. You hid your girlish grin in the crook of his neck, kissing and sucking on it all the while.
“You think Bam could fuck me like this?” You whispered into his ear.
Sure it was evil but god did you love provoking the men that fucked you, it just makes everything more fun. Johnny laughed, more of a ‘fuck you’ sort of chuckle but he laughed nonetheless.
“You gonna talk about Bam while I’m balls deep inside of you?”
Johnny pulled his lips away from your neck to look you in the eye, yours as blown out as his. You grinned playfully.
“Well this means you don’t have to be jealous anymore. Your eyeliners fucking hot by the way”
Johnny laughed.
“Shut up.”
He continued to fuck you hard, his thrusts only increasing in pace and his moans only getting louder along with yours. It wasn’t long until he got you to that familiar place, head leaning back against the wall as you were worked to the edge.
“Fuck I’m gonna come.” You managed to get out between pants, holding onto your breath as you felt the sensation creep forward.
Johnny continued his relentless pace until you came hurtling down, the wave of pleasure washing over you and making your legs shake. The feeling of you tightening around Johnny made his breath hitch as you brought him closer to the edge.
“Can I come inside you baby?”
You nodded, head still reeling from your orgasm. Johnny gripped your hips tightly, pushing even further into you as he came with a loud groan into your neck, the hot breath sending shivers down your spine.
The two of you remained in the same place, panting and fucked out, sweat dripping from your foreheads. Johnny’s head was still buried in the crook of your neck.
“You alright there?” You laughed, poking his cheek.
He pulled away grinning.
“That’s the hottest thing I’ve ever done.”
You both laughed until Johnny kissed you again, your heads all foggy.
“You know we can do this again once we’re out of this elevator right?” You pulled away once his kisses got more needy, practically ready for round two already when his dick was growing soft inside you.
He laughed as he pulled out of you, the sensation making you wince slightly.
“Sorry.” He murmured, pressing a kiss to your cheek.
He bent down to help pull your panties back up and smooth your skirt out after buckling up his own pants. He fixed himself up a little more before pressing the emergency stop button once again as well as another button.
“Shit.” He muttered.
“What?!”
Johnny bared his teeth.
“I accidentally pressed the reception floor.”
You rolled your eyes and scoffed.
“Christ I hope those poor workers don’t see us again.”
Just as you attempted to fix up your hair the doors opened to reveal none other than Bam Margera himself, arm sleazily hung over the same girl you threw him at on the dance floor. You and Johnny must’ve looked like a deer in headlights right then but Bam was far too drunk and oblivious to notice just yet.
“Oh hey guys!” He grinned, entering with his new chick, her hand dragging over his chest.
“Weird the elevator wasn’t working for a minute. What were you guys doing already in here, I thought you left like thirty minutes ago?” Bam asked but his face dropped once it dawned on him.
He observed the pair of you, your makeup all messed up with tangled hair, skirt all wrinkled and Johnny with his messy hair and lipstick stains coating his neck and collar.
“Oh.”
“Let’s not.” You interjected before Bam could say anything that would make your skin crawl.
The rest of the elevator ride was painfully awkward and silent, even Bam’s girl noticing the horrible tension. Once you finally reached your floor after what felt like forever Bam spoke up.
“So uhh... can we take our room or do you want to-”
“Take our room.” You sputtered, leaving the damn elevator as soon as possible and darting towards Knoxville’s room, desperate to escape.
End.
@gnarkillknoxville @jackussy420 @spoookyberry @steve-osahottie @izzaaaaaa @lovexjoe @jackassvivalabam03 @kristinee
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I swear, it's not a prank
Couple: Johnny Knoxville x younger reader
Category: Funny and Fluffy as a Golden Retriever puppy
Content Warning: nah, just age gap. I apologise because is not gender neutral. I'm not a native speaker and in my language (italian) there's no way to use neutral on people. I'm studying in order to be able to write gender neutral fic in the near future!
Summary: during an interview with his old friend Conan, Johnny is asked to answer some questions about you, his new girlfriend who also is a famous musician and actress. The deal? A significant age gap. Even if you're a grow ass woman, you look younger than your age and everyone knows that you are a Jackass' fan since your teens.
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The audience is still laughing at Knox, when Conan tries to call it out, moving is hand in the air like he is trying to catch a fly. 《 As far as I know, not everything went smoothly for you on the set, right? That's quite the routine but this time it was more serious. You took a pretty awfull hit because of that bull.》
Johnny is nodding while he starts to answer. 《 That was really gnarly. The worse hit I have ever taken. It caused me a broke rib, broken wrist, a bad concussion with brain bleeding....》
《 That sounds bad, let me tell you this. I was speechless while I was watching that bit. Did you full recovered from that?》
《 Now I'm healthier than I used to be. But it took a while, that's true.》 Knox hates to turn down the atmosphere, but there is no chance to tell this story sounding funny. 《 I lost some of my cognitive abilities .... and I had to lean a lot on my dearest ones during the healing process. Expecially on my girlfriend, (y/n). 》
The audience starts clapping, while Johnny smiles. Conan is really good in take his chances in this cases, especially with people like Johnny Knoxville, who is not that open on his sentimental life. 《 We are talking about (y/l and y/l/n), right? 》
《 Affirmative 》, is the answer of the silver hair man, who is not able to hide a note of pure proud in his voice.
《 She was here a couple of weeks ago, promoting the new album with the boys. She didn't say a thing about you.》
《 She is something, right?》 Johnny chuckled, sitting more comfortably on the soft armchair. 《 Yes, we decide to tell the world during the premier of Jackass Forever. Sami Zayn tought he would be the real surprise of the night but... he failed. Again.》
Conan and most of the people in the pubblic laught. 《And you two were already togheter while you were filming the last Jackass?》
《 Yes, she is also in the movie but I didn't allow any big stunts with her. I was able to stop her plans with Jeff Tremaine in time. I can tell if I will be this lucky in the future.》
Conan looks surprised. 《 Do you believe that she could...?》
《 Oh, totally》 Johnny cut him off, not even the shadow of a doubt shown 《 I turned around at some point, because i needed to talk with Pontius and when I look for her again she was already on a skateboard. With Steve O. On the very same board. On the top of a roof. There were like three dirty mattress on the ground and... that's it. They jumped and thanks God it endend good for both of them. Thats actually the only bit she is leading in the movie but if you pay attention carefully, she is around most of the time. (Y/n) is wild when she has the right companions.》
《 She doesn't look that.... silly.》
《 Dumb? She can be really idiotic when she has the right support. She teamed up with Ehren and Dave at some point, when I start to complain to Steve O and they made a lot of disasters.》
Conan shakes is head in disbelief, laughing softly. 《 But how did you meet her? She is in another business.》
《 Yes, she is a bass guitar player and an actress. An /actual/ actress.》 Again, is impossible for the people in studio to not laught. 《We met in 2016 at the MTV Video Music Awards. We spoke a lot during the after party with her and other two of the guys from the band. After that i bumped in her at least thee times a year at several events, especially for MTV... once she was touring in Tennessee and I was paying a visit to my family, so I decided to go to the concert and we ended drunked as skunks.》
《 And back to then, nothing happened?》
《 No. I can't even say that we were friends back to them. She was a jackass' fan in her teens and we only spoke about that every time. 》
Conan follow the entire speech, then he nods. 《 So, how it happened? 》
《 I was lucky》 , is the very first answer that comes out of Knox's mouth. 《 She is a really good friend of Steve O and Wee Man. They skates togheter when she is in town. When we decided to bring some fresh blood in the crew, Steve O mentioned her, but in the end we chose Rachel. She was pissed off, so Steve O brought her on the set at least twice a week even if he wasn't allowed because of covid safe precautions. In the end, we filmed some bits with her help and spending time togheter... you know... we have trailers and we are both adults so-》
《 Enough details, thanks》 Conan interrupts him, causing a trilling and loud laught from Johnny. 《 She looks classier that this.》
《 Nah, she is a trash bag. Not morally, (y/n) is a sweetheart and as I mentioned, she helped me so much during my recovery .... but she grown amoung her buddies. The only girl in a group of filthy rockers and you can tell she has no grace. Honestly, that's how she won me over. Being really mean. 》
《 Did she pranked the others on the set along with you?》
《 Everyone except Ehren. She felt sorry for him at least twice a day and refused to bully him. 》
Conan looks even more surprised. 《 So she pranked the Jackass guys. Wasn't a fan?》
《 because she is a fan she enjoys so much pricking around!》 Other laught and then Johnny's tune becomes softer. 《 To be honest, she has a lot of empathy and she was already part of the family even before I realised it. You know after two divorces, it is not simply to just move on. She makes me feel younger and ... I dont know... like I'm good enough for something, at last.》
《 That's almost romantic from you.》
《 The keyword is almost. 》
《 Speaking about feeling younger.... you two have few years in between, right?》
《 Yes .... a couple....》, Johnny replies with tons of sarcasm. 《 Thats the very last of our problems. I dont know if its okay because she is mature or because I'm childish but trust me, it works sweet. It was hard to convince her father that it wasn't a prank, but after that everything came off without and hitch.》
Conan can't help himself but slap the table, chuckling. 《 He thought she was joking?》
《 Yes!》 Is Johnny's exclamation, estatic 《 She pranks her family all the time so they thought it was just another joke. Also because I'm only like five years younger than her dad.》
《 Are you serious??》
《 Like a stroke, Conan. And I can tell you: never mess up with an angry father if you are dating his little girl. The situation was worse then expected for the first half an hour. I honestly missed that bull while I was confronting mr (y/l/n)!》
#johnny knoxville x reader#johnny knoxville#johnny knoxville imagine#jackass x reader#jackass#jackass ff#jackass fanfic
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The Invisible Man
Pairing: Johnny Knoxville x Reader
Plot: Y/N and Johnny’s daughter suddenly talks about an imaginary friend of hers that sounds a bit too familiar to her parents.
Warnings: None
"John?", Y/N asks and her husband turns around in his chair, he watches her stand in the doorframe. A nervous expression covers her features, one he promptly mirrors. "What's wrong?", he asks and furrows his eyebrows in skepticism.
She swallows thickly before she turns her head left and right, as if she was checking out if someone was eavesdropping then she steps into Johnny's office. She shuts the door behind her slowly and quietly. After taking one last deep breath, Y/N glances at him.
“Daisy is talking about him again."
She doesn’t have to say anything else, Johnny's nervous smile drops as soon as the sentence abandons her lips: "Are you sure?"
"Oh yeah. And... and it's like getting weirder and weirder."
"What do you mean it’s getting weirder?", he inquires and she notices how a specific amount of terror flashes up in his eyes.
"Well, for starters he apparently convinced her that time is a social construct.", the y/h/c woman clarifies and watches how Johnny's eyes widen slightly.
"Oh god.", he mumbles.
A few months ago, their four-year-old daughter had started talking about an imaginary friend of hers. Which initially wasn't a weird thing, children were having them all the time. Y/N was often talking to other parents about that kind of stuff, and they were telling her about their children's make-believe ‘friends’.
For example, Daisy’s classmate Joline was having tea parties with a seven feet tall flamingo. Who had four legs and a British accent. Y/N recalls how her mother was turning a dark shade of red in the beginning, appearing somewhat ashamed about her daughter's ‘friend’.
"I'm sorry.", she said, running her hand through her hair before making a quick hand motion to brush it off: "You must think I am deranged." But the other mother just smiled and shook her head: "No, I would never judge your daughter for something like that.”
Compared to Daisy’s made-up friend that flamingo sounded like the fluffy dream of any parent. Because Daisy’s invisible playmate happens to be a middle-aged man who is missing a tooth.
"And then.", Daisy said and looked at her parents with enthusiasm in her little green eyes. "I'm scared to ask.", Johnny muttered through gritted teeth, while still smiling at his daughter. "What, honey. What did he do?"
"He puked into the teacup and then he drank it all up again!", at this point their daughter was a giggling mess. Meanwhile, Y/N and Johnny just stared at her in shock and confusion.
"She just spends too much time around you guys.", Johnny explains while he looks around:” You cannot come over ever again.”
It is Chris' birthday and the long-time friends are all sitting around the campfire.
"Am I the only - wait, I have never met her before.", Dave says and Jason who sits next to him wrinkles his forehead. "Really? How did you manage to do that … We are virtually always drinking at Johnny's place."
Weeman scoffs while a smile plays on his lips: "Maybe it's just a reminder, that she's your daughter, Johnny."
Chris who walks out of the bungalow and up to his friends takes a sip of his beer: "What are you guys talking about?"
"Daisy's imaginary friend."; Johnny explains and shakes his head before he goes on: "The worst thing about the whole thing is, she swears he's not even imaginary. She says that he is a real person."
"Does he have a name?"
"It's a secret, Papa.", Johnny says in a high-pitched voice, mimicking his precious little girl:” He comes and he goes.” At that his friends all laugh.
A few minutes later the doorbell goes off and Chris stands up again before he disappears into the building.
“Perhaps Daisy is seeing a ghost.”, Steveo lets out and everyone (except Dave) grumbles:” What?!”
Dave nods his head:” Steveo’s right, children notice things we can’t. They-.” “Stop it.”, Johnny cuts his friend off with a sharp hand gesture:” My child is not able to see spirits! You’re being ridiculous.”
“Dad!”, a loud voice exclaims, and when the men turn their heads they watch how Daisy walks through the sliding doors into the garden. Y/N and Chris are close behind.
But then she abruptly stops walking. For a few minutes, she just stares at the men.
Her eyes widen.
Y/N and Johnny exchange a nervous look. “Maybe she’s seeing the ghost again.”, Steveo whispers, and Johnny shushes him. Her small hand raises and her finger points towards the group.
Then a huge smile emerges on her lips.
“FRIEND!”, she shouts and her finger lands on Dave.
A suffocating silence falls upon the group. “Wha-What?!”, Dave asks and swallows thickly, before he turns around to look behind. Only to discover that Daisy was unquestionably pointing at him.
“You’re my daughter's imaginary friend?!”
——
“I have never met her before.”, Dave tells, an irritated expression is covering his face while Daisy has her arms around his torso. She is pushing her face directly into his abdomen, while she continues to say the word ‘friend’ over and over again. “Could you please stop doing that?” But the young girl just giggles at his request.
“I mean.”, Johnny starts and glances at Y/N:” He does fit the description. He is missing a tooth. And he is a middle-aged man. But do you think he’d puke into a teacup?”
“ I just don’t understand it. If he argues they never met then how- oh my god.” She puts her hand in front of her mouth before she looks back at Dave. The poor guy is sweating, and his hands are shaking slightly, while he struggles to gently push Daisy away. But her small hands are gripping onto his shirt for dear life.
Dave perks up and when he makes eye contact with Y/N all color drains off his face:” What? What’s wrong?”
“Darf!”, she merely says and Johnny runs a hand down his face before he bursts into laughter. “Daisy has been speaking about Darf this whole time!”
“I’m so happy she didn’t make those things up.”, Y/N lets out and lets out a pleased sigh followed by a chuckle:” Oh my god.”
“That’s it.”, Dave announces and slowly runs a hand down his face:”I’m never ever drinking again.”
#x reader#fluff#imagine#jackass#johnny knoxville#jackass forever#chris pontius#steve o#dave england jackass#dave england x reader#dave england imagine#dave england#johnny knoxville ff#jackass ff#darf england#darf
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10 | Getting there
Series: Odds Together
Paring: Ryan Dunn x OFC Margera!
Word Count: 1.4k
Warnings: None
| MASTERLIST |
~
"I just got the worst wake up of my life so now I'm gonna take it out on Dunn. Little back story, Anna has to bunk with Dunn because her bed is still dying from a prank we did on her." Bam tells the camera before going into the bedroom with the guitar he plans to slam on Ryan.
He sees Dunn laying on his stomach with one arm on top of Anna's left arm, who was laying on her side facing him. Bam liked how close the two were as friends but refused and never could imagine them more than friends. So part of him hated seeing how close their faces slightly were.
As soon as the guitar hits Ryan's back he starts shouting making Anna slightly jump before coving her face with her hands.
"What is going on?" Ryan asks annoyed.
"We're going to New Orleans and you two need to get up." Bam places his hands on his hips. Neither of the two move to get up so Bam jumps kicking off the wall landing one the two but mostly Ryan.
"I'm giving you the count of two to get up or else we're leaving your asses. One, two. Alright see you later." Bam leaves them.
"What a dick." Ryan groans.
"Nothing new." Anna groans as the camera crew leaves them to sleep.
When the two finally wake up it was almost 4 o'clock in the afternoon. "I miss my bed." Anna groans popping her back.
"It should be ready for you when we get back." Ryan tells her and she looks at him.
"I don't wanna go." She whines following him outside to see his ride. "Look at that. We both can't fit on that. Have fun." She smiles patting his back.
"They did it in Dumb and Dumber. Fine just ride with the crew." He looks at them and they agree she could.
On the Mini bike, Ryan stops at a place to get it juiced up to go faster than 31mph. "I say it won't make it over 40." Anna glances at Ryan standing on her left.
"Anything is better than 31." He tells her so she starts to smirk.
"Even 32?" She fully turns to face him.
"Anything over 35." He gets more specific. "You just gotta get smart with me, huh?"
"You know I do." She grabs his shoulder leaning towards him, "Because I'm actually smarter." She blows into his ear.
As more time and distance goes Ryan already had a chat with Bam and Raab. He almost lost a map and got a ride in the back of a truck.
"Okay, I'm done of this shit. We're flying the rest of the way." Anna grabs Ryan by his blue vest.
"I know our guy."
They arrive to New Orleans before the rest so they start to have fun drinking and getting a lot of beads. "You still wish you stayed home?" Ryan asks Anna as they look out at the crown of people.
"Yes, I still do!" She laughs drinking her drink.
"Why be home when alone and bored than here having fun?" He asks nudging her shoulder.
"Well for starters... I'd get a break from all the bull I deal with everyday." She leans against the railing looking at him with a smile.
"That's a very good reason... but I know a better reason to be here." He does the same as her actions.
"And what would that be Dunn?" She tilts her head.
"You're with me and I'm great to be with." He holds his cup out to her and she dings it with hers.
"I will admit that, yes. Only when you aren't around the others though. I'm sorry." She says making him laugh.
"All I'm hearing is that you say I'm great and you love me." He says making her shake her head.
"I never said I love you."
"You just did." He points out making her roll her eyes as he puts an arm around her shoulder. "Just admit it. You love me." He walks them over some so he could sit and pull her down to sit on one of his legs.
"Didn't you just say I did though? So I don't have to say it again." She takes his hat off him to fix the sides of his hair before putting it back on him.
Ryan just looks at her before remembering he has to speak, "Yes, you do."
Anna huffs not wanting to say it, "Fine, I love you." She says looking into his eyes before she gets off of him. The sudden realization she's falling for him all over again since she's gotten back and getting close to him again.
"Hey, look who it is." Ryan points out Bam so they go over to him. Ryan taps on Bam's shoulder making him turn around, "Where the hell you been?"
Bam suddenly realizes who was in front of him making him scream. "What the hell? When did you get here?" He asks them.
"Like hours ago." Ryan tells them.
"You got here before us?" Glomb says shocked.
"Look at us." Ryan motions to the beads around his and Anna's necks.
"There was no way you both actually fit on that shit." Bam eyes them.
"Fuck no. He rode that shit and I rode along with the crew watching his ass on the thing." Anna says half of the truth.
"This dickhead beat us in a moped! In a blue leather vest." Bam says making Ryan laugh and Anna walk off some.
"Anna you came!" Raab walks over to her. "I called you'd stay home. Look at you proving me wrong."
"You're already drunk really?" She laughs at him.
"No, I mean I probably won't remember anything." He laughs making her laugh. "Glad you came. You should've woken up earlier. It was a fun ride here and stoping at skate parks." He gives her a kiss but she didn't care.
"I'm kinda glad I didn't though because I would be stuck with Vito complaining about all the stops you guys did." She says knowing her uncle.
"Plus there was pranks between the buses." He puts an arm around her pulling her into his side.
"Where did Anna go?" Bam finally noticed she wasn't with them anymore.
Ryan looks around and sees her laughing with Raab basically hanging on to her. His arm was resting on her shoulder but making should she was kept into his side. Every time he talked to her, he would awfully lean close towards her while pulling her closer to him.
"With Raab." Ryan tells him while eyeing them down.
Bam looks over at where Ryan's eyes were focused. "I gotta go save her." Bam says making his way through everyone to get to her. "We lost you." He tells her.
"It's okay. I found her." Raab shakes Anna with a smile.
"Okay." Why don't you come back to the rest of us." Bam grabs his sister pulling her towards him.
"I will but I need to find a bathroom inside first. I'll be back." She slips away.
"Annabelle!" Bam shouts wanting to keep an eye on her.
"You're sister is fine in her own." Ape shows up with everyone making their way towards him.
Bam looks at Ryan trusting him the most, "I'll go find the bathroom." He leaves the group going inside.
Meanwhile Annabelle got to the bathroom with no problems but leaving was a different story. This random drunk guy grabbed her arm trying to keep her there to have a conversation.
"I really need to get back to my friends and family." She tried to tell him but he just wouldn't.
"You should let loose some." He removes his hand but walks closer to her.
"Really, I told my brother I'd be right back." Anna potentially tells him.
Ryan finally spots Anna with a guy looking very uncomfortable so he goes over to them. "There you are. We were getting worried about you." Ryan snakes his arm around her waist holding her closer to him then leans down giving her a quick peck on the lips. "This guy bugging you?" He eyes the drunk man.
"We were just talking." The guy tells him while Anna was staring at Ryan shocked by his actions.
"We should get back to the others." Ryan looks down at her.
"Yeah." She nods her head so Ryan walks them away. "You didn't have to do all that." She speaks up as he keeps his arm around her.
"It worked though didn't it?" He laughs.
"Well yeah but the kiss wasn't necessary. You showing up and the arm would've worked fine." She removes herself from him. "Thanks though." She goes to the others while Ryan curses at himself.
#jackass#johnny knoxville#ryan dunn#bam margera#steve o#chris pontius#wee man#dave england#ehren mcghehey#preston lacy#jeff tremaine#spike jonze#jackass 2#jackass 3d#jackass forever#viva la bam#cky crew#Brandon DiCamillo#Chris Raab#Edward Webb#rake yohn#raab himself#ryan dunn ff#ryan dunn imagine
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it’s that time again
i’m asking if you guys are still interested in reading jackass fanfics 🤓
(please interact so i know whether or not to post my stuff)
#dont get me wrong i am not talking about notes or anything#its legit just if you guys still LOOK for jackass ff and actually want to read them etc etc#like is the interest still there or are you just reading bc it was posted? hope i make sense#this is verg lighthearted btw i promise <3
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So I’ve been having a jackass phase again, how would y’all feel about a Ryan x Johnny x reader smut 👀👀
#jackass#johnny knoxville#ryan dunn#steve o#bam margera#dave england#johnny knoxville smut#Ryan Dunn smut#johnny knoxville ff
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I can never wrap my mind around people who STILL “look up to” celebrities (any celebrity, your fav is not an exception) and expect them to always be on the ‘correct’ side of things. have y’all not learned?
#here’s a tip if you expect nothing you will never be disappointed#celebrities are people and like most people they have both the capacity to be good and the capacity to be complete jackasses#have fun trying to find someone who will never in their life say something ignorant#also stop assuming celebrities are better than the average person just cause they’re famous ffs
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Hate hate hateeeeeeeee marvel
#really fucking irritating to me that they took a whole fucking religion and went 'we're gonna write fanfiction about this'#'and then it's gonna be on the big screen made of the worst fucking cgi acting you've ever seen'#like I get it's not supposed to follow the fucking mythology#but if people did that to other religions it would be seen as disrespectful#rant#vent#idc if you like marvel or whatever I just really do not like it and I do not like what it's done to peoples understanding of literal gods#I've seen newly converted pagans talk about how 'Loki is definitely associated with x thing' when that's. just a marvel reference#also#ffs#long tags#editing this for the jackass anon who said I'm 'wanking about marvel'- I was wrong#Thor is indeed Odin's son#I misremembered what I had read#but my point still stands that 1) marvel is shit and 2) Loki is Odin's blood brother not his son#and also if you're gonna come into my askbox about marvel you can fuck off
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Fluent Freshman - Part 26
PREVIOUS
Nicky can’t help but bounce his legs as they sit in the waiting room at the hospital. He’s had to leave the waiting room a couple times already because in Aaron’s effort to comfort him, and wow how far they’ve come he’s really raised Aaron to be such a thoughtful young man, the jackass has unknowingly made four more Miss Congeniality references.
This is a waiting room full of nervous families and Nicky is NOT about to be the guy who can’t stop laughing because Aaron mentioned World Peace in a snapback at Kevin.
Nicky is not going to be the one to explain FF’s jokes. He MAY already be planning a Miss Congeniality movie night. Neil, Aaron, and Kevin may not remember but ANDREW will and watching Andrew realize his friend was referencing an AMAZING movie when talking about how he took out one of the FBIs most wanted was all he wanted at the moment.
Another nurse comes in and calls out “Elias Smith?” But Wymack doesn’t get up from his seat still sipping his now lukewarm coffee. There’s been 14 different times she’s called for a ‘Smith’ family but Wymack hasn’t moved for any of them and different waiting families have gotten up to get updates and taken back to see their family members.
Maybe he wants to see Andrew’s face a little less than he wants to see FF’s right now. He has his flowers on a chair next to him and a get well soon card that he’d had Wymack also sign. He was waiting for Smith’s grandma to come to see if she wanted in on some card real estate
“Seriously, how many Smiths got stabbed yesterday?” Kevin marvels.
“At this point it’s at least 12.” Aaron remarks.
“I’m at 14 not including Smithy.” Nicky says.
“At least we’ll finally get to find out Smith’s first name.” Kevin crosses his arms and leans back heavily into the chair, “I’m hungry.” He whines.
“Yeah, at least there’s that.” Nicky agrees because not knowing FF’s name at this point made him feel like an incredibly BAD friend. Even mores than the fact that Nicky raised the man that stabbed FF last night. He turns his thoughts away from those thoughts, “You wouldn’t be hungry if you hadn’t bitched about the breakfast burritos I had us pick up.” Nicky argues.
“It was greasy! I’m already slipping on my diet after Thanksgiving and eating that pie.” Kevin argues back.
Nicky can’t help but think of Kevin as a pageant contestant in that moment.
Nicky looks heavenward for the strength not to laugh.
“Then go get something.” Aaron says from Nicky’s side, “There’s gotta be a cafeteria or something around here.” Aaron adds.
“I don’t want to go alone.” Kevin shoots back and Nicky can HEAR Aaron roll his eyes.
“Fine, whatever I need more coffee anyways. Let’s go find a cafeteria.” Aaron says getting up and Nicky looks at his cousin, “Text us if you get a room number.” He says.
“Will do.” Nicky agrees.
Then it was two.
It’s about five minutes before, “David Wymack?”
Nicky’s head shoots to Wymack and he sees the smug amusement on their coach’s face.
That motherfucker.
Nicky followed Wymack up to the doctor in question. “How’s he doing?” Wymack asks.
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about…” The doctor says and Nicky feels his stomach sink into his toes.
***
Neil has NEVER been more relieved to be out of a car and that includes the ones Lola had him in (though that might be because being out of those cars meant he was closer to his death by way of Nathan).
Granny Smith had not spoken a word unprompted since they had climbed into the car. Granny Smith had the exact same expressionless face as her grandson did but it is only now that Neil realizes that there was always some hint of emotion on FF’s face. Neil wasn’t great at knowing exactly what those emotions were but they were there.
Granny Smith’s rage was pretty hard to miss.
“I think she knows.” Andrew had said with his hands white knuckled at 10 and 2.
“How could she?” Neil questions. “Smith’s phone fell in that toilet before he got stabbed.” He says but he can feel the anger and can feel it directed towards them.
She had seemed so nice with Paul!
Though Paul didn’t have anything to do with her grandson getting stabbed. Neil could understand how that might sour any niceness.
Neil and Andrew had pulled into the parking lot and it was only then that Granny Smith leaned forward and pointed towards the entrance.
Words weren’t really necessary then.
Before Neil could even try and trudge through offering to bring her bag to her the woman was out of the back of the Maserati and through the sliding doors of the hospital.
“Maybe…maybe she’s just like that? Smith likes to sit in silence too?” Neil tries but Andrew doesn’t say anything as he turns the Maserati into the parking lot to find a space.
They walked in only to find the receptionist looking confusedly at Granny Smith as the woman spoke in rapid Polish but was getting nowhere.
Neil watched as Andrew squared his shoulders and walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. When she turned around she the fear and anger shown through in her expression. Neil could understand in a way. FF was her grandson and considering the fact that FF had likely gotten his interest in languages from learning Polish from her?
They’re probably close.
Neil is pretty sure that normal close family members worry like this.
Almost positive.
He may not have the best examples in his own life but he has watched enough television and enough movies to start to see what might be considered normal!
Really!
Anyways…
Andrew points towards the doors that would lead them towards the elevator that they could take up to the waiting room.
Neil watches as Granny Smith visibly struggles before nodding. Andrew holds out his hand and she stares at it before Andrew points at her bag.
She blinks, looking taken aback.
“I can carry it.” He offers.
It’s a few moments of looking between Andrew’s face and his hand before she hands over her bag.
Andrew puts it over his shoulder and the three of them silently made their way up. The elevator ride was slightly less excruciating than the car ride but only just.
They got off and saw Nicky, Wymack, and a Doctor.
“…so he may not wake up.” Neil hears and watches as Andrew’s shoulders go instantly tense and Neil feels his own heart jump into his throat.
Then Nicky laughs.
“Of course he’s sleepy!” Nicky throws his head back.
“Yes, he had a high level of cortisol, that’s the stress hormone, in his blood. He should wake up either late today or early tomorrow though.” The Doctor says.
“Oh thank GOD.” Nicky says with a relieved slump to his shoulders, “You really gotta work on how you start conversations like this Doc! I thought you were going to tell me Smithy died not that he’s just going to sleep like the dead for at least 18 more hours!” Nicky exclaims before his gaze slides off of the Doctor and onto their group. “Oh!” Nicky moves past the Doctor and stops in front of them. “You must be Smithy’s grandma!” He says and offers his hand like the sweet respectable young man that Nicky absolutely isn’t.
“Nicky, she doesn’t-“
“Ty musisz być Nicky! Jesteś taki przystojny, tak jak powiedział mój kurczaczek.” Granny Smith knocks his hand away and pinches his cheek. Nicky visibly melts at the warm tonę even if he doesn’t know what is being said to him.
“Oh!” Nicky says, “I hope I don’t butcher this, Dziękuję! Uwielbiałem Pani ciasto!” He says haltingly before pausing, “Nazywa go Pani swoim kurczakiem? Jakie to słodkie!” he says but this time his enthusiasm has the language come out more smoothly.
Granny Smith seems to light up even more. “Czyż nie?”
“Nicky, since when did you know Polish?” Andrew asks brows raised slightly in shock.
“What? You two aren’t the only ones who decided to learn a cute foreign language so you could have secret couple conversations.” Nicky huffs frowning at the two of them, “Erik’s company has an office in Poland, he thinks it might be fun to try living there for a while so we’ve been learning the last year and a half.” Nicky says, “Smithy’s been such a huge help on it too!” He adds.
Neil opens his mouth, thinks about it, and closes it.
That’s fair.
MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
EDIT: 6/8/23: Thanks @shirlai for fixing my janky Polish for Nicky!
@i-have-three-feelings @blep-23 @dreamerking27 @fuckyeahjeanmoreau @belodensetdust @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world @obscureshipsandchips @booklover242 @whataboutmyfries @sahturnos @pluto-pepsi @dreamerthinker @passinhosdetartaruga @leftunknownheart @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme @tayspots @nick-scar @crazy-fangirl2524 @blue-jos10 @stabbyfoxandrew @splishsplashyouropinionistrash @sammichly @the-broken-pen @bitchesdoweknowu @very-small-flower @ghostlyboiii @its-a-paxycab @bisexual-genderfluid-fan @cheesecookie
@theoneandonlylostsock @foxsoulcourt @blueleys @adverbialstarlight @elia-nna @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner @nikodiangel @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat @hallucinatedjosten @satanic-foxhole-court @vexingcosmos @chalilodimun @insectsgetcooked @angry-kid-with-no-money @queer-crows @lillyndra @themundanemudperson @readertodeath @apileofpillows @mortalsbowbeforeme @hellomynameismoo @next-level-mess @youreonlylow @interstellarfig @notprocrastinatingatalltoday @percyjacksonfan3 @queenofcrazy27 @bsmr261 @ghostlyscares @spencellio @adinthedarkroom @harpymoth @sufferingjustalilbit @anxietymoss @oddgreyhound @ohno-myhyperfixation-itsbroken @ken22789 @atiredvampire @isoldescorner @not--a--pipedream @azure-wing @bushbees @roonilwazlib-main @crumplelush @foldedaces-paperbirds @thesenseinnonsense @let-tyrants-fear @ketchupandfries @legowerewolf @deadlydodos @but-we-respect-his-craft @cariniqe @zanypersonapricotbiscuit @lesbian-blackbeard @lesbiansupernatural @silvermasquerade @thepeachfuzz @minniemariex @kazoo-the-demjin @gaypomegranate @ji-nk-ies @neilimfinejosten @omgrubelangel @itsyouitsmeorpheuseurydice @percabethotplove @cozyrosykay @foxyatlas
The requests to be added to the tag list keep being spread out across a few different areas. If I missed you please just ask again in the replies I promise I just missed you.
As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you didn’t get a notification there might be something switched around in your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?
Also if anyone fluent in Polish wants to correct me on any of the Polish wants to correct me / sends smoother Polish please do! I am just using Google Translate for GS.
Translations:
Ty musisz być Nicky! Jesteś taki przystojny, tak jak powiedział mój kurczaczek. = “You must be Nicky! You're so handsome, just like my chicken said.”
“Dziękuję! Uwielbiałem Pani ciasto!” = “Thank you! I loved your pie!”
“Nazywa go Pani swoim kurczakiem? Jakie to słodkie!” = “You call him your chicken? That’s so cute!”
“Czyż nie?” = “Isn’t it?”
#Fluent Freshman AU#Phew!#Finally got this one out#You might be wondering#Where did Aaron and Kevin go?#The answer is that Kevin saw the nutrition office#and was compelled to go ask for advice#Aaron left him there because he needs to find the cafeteria to get coffee#What happens first#Will Aaron get back to Kevin before the nutritionist runs out of patience?#Tune in to find out#Is Nicky about to experience the highs and lows of having a loving grandma?#Yes#Will Neil and Andrew get to experience those same highs and lows?#time will tell#It's me#I'm time#I will tell#I do think it's funny that I start feeling bad when I don't update this#and it's been like 4 days since the last update#which is not all that long ago#The OCD completionist that I am is taking a lot of joy just minesweeping the map in tears of the kingdom#I am one of those psychos that has to get all the korok seeds#I still have not progressed the plot#but I am free#AFTG AU#AFTG OC#AFTG#Andreil#My Fics
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The Johnny elevator smut was so hot omg. Can I request a smut with a fem reader where Bam’s having a bad day and he’s super frustrated so the reader kind of lets him take it out on her by having rough sex and then it’s fluffy at the end? Thank youuu
Release
[Bam Margera x F!Reader]
Desc: anon covered it!
A/n: glad you enjoyed going up!!! icl i do enjoy writing bam smut even tho this is kind of out of fic character but i do love dom x reader sometimes
warnings: smut (18+), p in v, sub/dom dynamics, use of safe word
1.9k words
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“Fuck!”
You heard a yell from the yard. Looking out the window you saw Bam slamming his board down on the ground, angry expression on his face. You observed the way he kicked it and mumbled incomprehensible things under his breath, unbeknownst to the fact you were watching him from a few feet away.
Bam was already pissed given the fact some asshole MTV exec had cut an entire episode of Viva La Bam, claiming it was “too vulgar for television”, as the email stated. You had to restrain him from writing a fairly strongly worded one back which only ticked him off more, resulting in him heading outside to skate though not even that was putting his mind at ease, only enraging him even further.
‘He’s quite hot when he’s angry.’ You thought, eyes drinking in his slim frame that was littered with tattoos.
You and Bam weren’t a thing, you guys were just friends. Well, friends that had quite a bit of pent up sexual tension. The feelings were only rising, perhaps even bursting, ready to be released. Released.
Bam pushed his hair off of his forehead, panting and glaring at the ground where his board lay when he glanced up to meet your stare from the dining room window. You didn’t look away immediately, instead prolonging the eye contact a little longer, a tiny smirk playing at your lips. Bam tore his eyes away, confused on why he was flustered all of a sudden but deciding to head back inside anyways.
“Hey.” You spoke as he shut the sliding doors with vigour.
“What are you still doing here?”
How polite.
“Dico said we’re watching a movie later, no point heading home.”
“Yeah well I’m not hanging out.”
And with that, he was out the door, stomping up to his room, only enticing you to follow him.
Your fist tapped lightly at the door.
“I said I’m not hanging out.” He wasn't yelling, but it was clear he wasn’t exactly very happy either.
You opened the door despite his protests, leading Bam to glare at you as he put on a fresh shirt.
“What’s your problem?!” He spat.
“I don't think I’m the one with the problem.”
“Can't you just fuck off? I’m already pissed about those fucking assholes in suits, do you want me to be pissed at you too?!”
“Well about that.”
Bam narrowed his brows as you walked closer to him, hands behind your back.
“I have an idea.”
Bam looked you up and down, completely clueless as to what you were going to suggest but still hoping deep down it would be what his dreams entailed.
“Why don’t you take your anger out on me?”
“What like fucking yell at you or something?”
He wasn't catching on, you smirked.
“No, not exactly.”
You stepped forward, slightly closing the gap between the two of you, seductive eyes looking into his. You lifted your arms up to wrap around Bam’s neck, his breath hitching and cheeks flushing at the close contact.
“Other ways.” You whispered.
“So you want me to fuck you?”
You smiled at the frankness, moving your face closer so your lips were brushing his, just about.
“Well I know you've wanted me for a while, and I’ve wanted you too, and you’re angry. What better way to release than to fuck my brains out?”
“Are you fucking with me?” Bam’s voice was low and shaky, unsure.
You leaned in and pressed your lips into his, grabbing his chin as you did so before pulling his face away, his eyes forcing back open.
“What do you think?”
Bam slammed his lips back onto yours, his hands already grabbing at your hips to pull you flush against his body, mouths and teeth clashing the rougher he went. You let him push you onto his bed, his hands already unbuckling his belt with desperate speed.
“You want me to take everything out on you I fucking will. Take your clothes off.”
Despite your previous mannerisms of being all confident and domineering, this power shift sent vibrations down to your core, excited that Bam was already willing to take the reins and fuck you as hard as you both needed. You swiftly removed your shirt and shimmied your pants down your legs, leaving you in just your underwear. Bam had his hand down his boxers, shirtless and pumping himself to get hard, watching you splayed out on the bed for him.
“I said take your fucking clothes off.” He spat lowly, a completely new personality taking over.
It dawned on you he meant your underwear and so you slowly bent your arm around to unclasp your bra, letting it fall forward to reveal your tits.
“Hurry the fuck up.”
Bam had no intentions of enjoying this show you were putting on, instead lurching forward to rip your panties off, throwing the ruined pair on the ground and pushing his fingers inside of you with no warning.
You let out a surprised moan, jolting up to rest on your elbows as his index and middle worked in and out of you at a rapid pace, your body convulsing as it adapted to the sudden pleasure.
“Give me a safe word.” Bam said, not giving up on working you up.
Your head had lulled back, too dazed out from his movements to understand what he had said until he stopped, fingers pulling straight out of you.
“Give me a safe word or I stop.”
“Oklahoma.” is all you said before you felt Bam’s warm spit drip onto your cunt, fingers dipping into your folds.
You let out a breathy moan as he slipped inside of you once again, thumb pushing against your clit while his other hand gripped your waist to make you hold still. Your back arched as Bam’s finger began making curling upwards, hitting the spot you needed him to, your legs beginning to close.
“Keep them fucking open.”
Bam used the hand that had been holding your waist to force your thighs open, thumb pressing into the soft flesh as you continued to squirm. As you were brought closer and closer to the edge, he removed his fingers abruptly, a string of his spit and your slick coating them. You let out a disappointed whimper from the lack of contact but it was quickly hushed by Bam’s wet fingers being shoved in your mouth. You moaned against them, sucking lightly to taste yourself on them. Bam removed them shortly, kicking his boxers off and clambering on top of you, hard dick pressing into your thigh.
“You wanted me to use you right?”
You nodded, eyes looking into his with lust-filled wonder.
“Get on your hands and knees then.”
You bit your lip and complied, doggy style wasn't something you were used to but you were more than willing to partake in it if it meant hot dom Bam. Bam sat back on his knees as you moved into position, lining up with your core as soon as you were ready. He pushed into you quickly, barely giving a moment to adjust before he was slamming into you, hips snapping. He brought his hand to wrap around your throat, pulling you up by it so your ass could press firmly against him as he fucked you, the feeling still sore.
“This what you wanted? This feel fucking good?” Bam was panting, rough fucking wearing him out already.
You struggled to respond with his tight hand squeezing your throat ever so lightly but lord did he feel good. Bam let go of your neck then, your face plummeting forward into the pillows that muffled your moans. He moved his hands to your hips, grabbing them and pulling you back towards him as he continued to move his hips at the fastest pace you’d ever been fucked.
As you left your face to press into the soft linen to suppress your noises, Bam wrapped his hand in your hair, tugging you up and moving his torso forward to speak into your ear.
“I said, does this feel good?” He whispered sternly, the low voice sending shivers down your spine.
“Y- Yes.” You whined out, mind fogging from the pleasure.
“Fucked out already.” He laughed almost sadistically, hips not letting up as he dropped your hair, pushing the side of your face into the mattress.
“Fuck those fucking fuckers in suits.” He babbled incoherently, laying out all of his frustrations onto you as he fucked you.
“Do you want my cum inside of you?”
Your face was being held down by Bam’s strong hand but you could hear his question still. You nodded, eyes screwed shut, nearing your orgasm as well.
“Fucking come for me first then. Need to feel that cunt tighten.”
You moaned as the vulgar words poured from his mouth, his fingers wrapping around to attack your clit. You lifted your head from where Bam had shoved you down after his hand moved, stifling your moans with the back of your own hand.
“No, no. Lemme hear you. It turns me on.” Bam grasped your hair again, pulling you up to force you to let out your noises.
You were at the edge almost immediately what with Bam’s fingers moving at such a vigorous pace.
“I’m gonna come.” You exclaimed in a moan, eyes beginning to water.
Bam responded with nothing, only fucking you harder as you came around him, letting out the most pornographic moan you had ever heard yourself release, tears running down your cheek.
“Fuck yeah. You’re so fucking tight.”
Bam’s hand dropped from your core but his fucking never let up. In fact, his free hand could now resume its place on your hips, allowing him to shove you back on his cock even harder. You were insanely sensitive given the fact you had came just seconds previous and Bam’s speed was becoming too much to bear.
“Bam, slow- slow down.” You whimpered as he let go of your hair, head lulling forward.
“What was that? I can't hear you.” Bam mocked, clearly no sympathy to be had.
“It’s too much. Please just-”
“Safe word or I keep going.”
You paused. Although the overstimulation was hard to deal with, nothing in you wanted Bam to stop his movements and so you stayed silent.
“That's what I thought. Take it like a slut.”
Despite his cocky remarks, Bam’s hips were beginning to stutter and his thrusts were at a more erratic pace. He was close.
“Gonna come in your pretty little cunt. You want that?”
You nodded through moans as the overstimulation turned to just stimulation. Bam squeezed your hips tightly, his thumbs sure to leave bruises as he dragged you down all the way, burying himself deep inside of you as he came with a load groan. You whimpered as you felt him release, finally release.
Bam pulled out of you shortly after but still held you up, bending down to examine his cum that started to leak out of you.
“Fucking beautiful.” He whispered as he pushed a finger inside of you again before you swatted your hand back.
“Enough, jesus enough.”
Bam laughed and complied, letting your body drop to lie on your side, your cheeks a bright red. He smiled as he moved closer to your face, planting a kiss on your lips.
“You good? I didn't go too far or anything did I?”
You shook your head, kissing him back.
“Just what I wanted. You feel better?”
He nodded back, wiping the wetness off your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.
“Gotta do that more often.” He grinned and so did you.
End.
@gnarkillknoxville @steve-osahottie @izzaaaaaa @jackassvivalabam03 @bambammargera @spoookyberry @jackussy420 @lovexjoe
#jackass#cky#viva la bam#bam margera#asskickedbygirl#cky crew#jackass fic#jackass fan fic#jackass fan fiction#bam margera fic#bam margera smut#bam margera x f!reader#bam margera ff#bam margera x you#bam margera x reader#bam margera imagine#imagine#jackass imagine#jackass smut#jackass ff#dom bam margera#sub/dom#cky fic#cky fics#cky fan fic#cky band#radio bam#viva la bam fic#viva la bam smut#smut
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Scale of nicknames based on how serious the situation is
Warning: lots of bad bad words, kids. I'm sorry but this idea was too hilarious to make it different than this. Is stupid? Of course, but everything with Johnny as main character is going to the nuts since the beginning. If we wanted serious contents we wouldn't be so obsessed by Jackass in a very first place.
•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇•◇
~ You don't remember who brought this phenomenal on everybody's attention. It could be Steve O or Wee Man. Rachel is also a potential suspected, she is smart. Certainly isn't Poopies.
~ The issue on the table is how do you call Johnny most of the time. Normally, this shouldn't be that interesting, we are simply talking about the way you call your boyfriend.
~ But we know that the Jackass boys can make a big deal out of absolutely nothing, so here we are.
~ Ehren was the one who took those speculations and litteraly draw a chart. An ugly line chart on paper, using Axe's Pontius color pencils.
~ An now the guys bet and try to figure out how mad you are towards Johnny every time you call him out.
~ 'That was a 3, I'm sure'
~ 'Two bucks on a 4'
~ 'Another lame One.'
~ An so far so forth.
~ But let's see your level of stress and madness according to Dr Danger Ehren's line chart:
Level 1 : Babe, Love, Honey, Awsome. Green light, you are not mad at all. Actually, your mood is really good and you indulge in petnames, cuddles and smiles full of diabetes. This usually happen right before the two of you start to make out, so it is a signal not for Johnny, but for the others, who rapidly move away from you two. Pet names are also used to express concern after Johnny gets to the doctor. Doesn't matter if its due to an injury or sickness, if Johnny feels bad, you feel the urgency of take care of him. You can scroll him in the moment he feels better.
Level 1 : Pj / Johnny / Knox/ Jay : Neutral names. Normally you call him PJ because it is his real name and everyone when the cameras are off uses to call him like that. During interviews or in front of the cameras, you try your best to call him with his stage name so Johnny, Knox.... Jay is also a practical solution because is in between Johnny and PJ and it's a good way to avoid misconceptions. Also you are probably the only person in the world who calls him Jay and he likes it a lot. It makes you be even more special than you use to be. And you are already really special for Johnny.
Level 2, PJaaay : Some urgency here. A stess on the 'a' in PJ can indicate some concern. You also call him like this when you want him to call the day and go home. Doesn't matter if you are horny, tired or annoyed. It is the very first advise you give him before level 3. The answer to this first advise is always a chuckle of a laught because he never learns and he find you cute when you are complaining to him. But you are not cute when you stress the 'a'. You are politely asking him to stop pricking around and he always ignores your kindness. Fool.
Level 3, PJ Fuck! : Every stage names are lost and gone in stage 4. You are annoyed enough to ask for his full attention on the problem. Maybe you really need him to stop bullying someone (Ehren) because he is going too far or you need to eat and sleep after a long day on the set, but he is still laughing all around with Jeff. You love how energic and cheerful he is. Is the best trait he has, being an excellent party clown, so hopelessly optimistic and relaxed all the time... But you have your limits. One of them is resting some hours before another work day. And as far as you love all of them, you want PJ just for you at least once a day. Note: 'fuck', is not mandatory and it can be replaced with 'Goddammit', 'c'mon', 'Jesus Christ on a Stick' or the most elaborated one: ' I don't give a flying fuck, PJ, let's go!'
Level 4, Asshole / Dumbass / Prick: This is usually the very last stage of your rage. Occurres when you are really pissed off. Before he took that bull? ASSHOLE. When he forgot about that important dinner with your family, at your home place and he invited out 20 people? MORON. When he complains because he doesn't want you in big stunts because you can get hurt and ended with a concussion because of the treadmill? PRICK. And those are just a couple of examples, we can go on and on forever. Usually that's the moment in which he also realises how upset you are. Here. Not before. Not at the PJaaay or while you are swearing. You have to insult him in order to obtain a reaction that usually are apologies. Johnny is not such of a fighter when he knows that he is screwing with you. Level 4 is usually the very last one because he doesn't want you to be that angry or concerned. Usually......
Level 5, Philip : Okay, that's the DEFCON4. You never, never call him by his full real name and if you do, the tune is low and static. It happened just once, in front of the guys and that shit scared the hell out everyone. Darkshark made the most notable comment, while everyone else was silent: "You're a dead man, bro. Sorry, I'll bring flowers on your grave." It would be hilarious (and it was on unrealised footage) if you hadn't that scary expression on your face and tears on your eyes. You were too proud to cry but it was clear that you were on the edge. It was an isolated case, happened because Johnny was pulling the rope too much, after the bull incident. He was still recovering and he was already planning other 3 or 4 big stunts before the end of the recording. When the matter is his work, he never let go, like a dog with a bone. And it's okay for you because when you started dating him, you knew that he is really into risky stuff. You don't want to change him, you have never tried. But enough is enough and he is no longer able to take another hit. According to the neurologist, not to you. So basically.... the two of you ran into this big fight and broke up. Yep. In front of everyone. It was awfull and Lance recorded everything by mistake. He was too stunned to switch off his camera. So you two have a proof or how the things can go south when the both of you believe to be in the right. It was a short break up, lasted 10 days at last. But it was painful and after a long talk you both decided to step back and apologise. He decided to stop with big stunts, not only for your sake, but also for his children, sisters and his own health. All in all, level 5 was introduced after the scene you gave to the guys. Thank Goodness have never happen again. Yet.
~ and that's it.
~ actually, Johnny have found this chart really helpful. He can pay more attention to your level of stress thank to it.
~ naturally, he has never got credit to Ehren.
#johnny knoxville imagine#johnny knoxville x reader#johnny knoxville#jackass fanfic#jackass ff#jackass x reader#jackass
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The American flag dress
Part 1 of 2
Pairing: Chris Pontius x fem!reader
Warning:: This is just fluff, don’t worry <3
Plot: You are invited to Steveos Podcast and you talk about meeting not only the guys for the first time, but also your husband Chris.
Masterlist
Listen to this while reading :
„Thank you so much for having me, you guys.“, You announce with a big smile as you lean back, making an effort to find a comfortable position on the bench, before bringing the microphone back up to your lips again: “It’s a huge honor to be here! As you know, I’m a big fan.“
You turn your head over to peek at your close friend, who simply looks at you with genuine happiness. He makes a hand gesture:„No, don’t. I am so happy that you agreed to do this in the first place. Now for everyone, who might have no idea who is sitting right next to me would you please introduce yourself to our listeners?“
You nod and sit up straight: “Of course, well, my name is Y/N Y/L/N. I am mainly a musician, you might know me as the lead singer of a certain band called 'The Arctic Monkeys' and I am married to a fellow jackass member. To Chris, to be precise.“
“You two have been together for quite a long time now, haven't you?” “Over two decades, yeah.”, you answer:” It’s been a while.” Paul’s eyes widen:” You say it so casually “just two months, yeah, whatever.” You laugh at that and Steve joins in. “What’s it like to be married for such a long time?”
“Well, it’s fun. I mean Chris is so great, there has never been any doubt about you know staying with him throughout those years. I still get super giggly around him-.” “Really?”, Scott leans back:”That’s - I don’t wanna say that's unusual, but -.”
“It’s special!”, Paul finishes his friend's sentence and nods. “Yeah, special! Truly special. So, just for timeline purposes- you got in contact with Johnny first in 1999, right? Over the phone.”
You nod your head:” That's right, so, okay, what happened was-.”
A yawn escaped your lips while you lazily changed channels, outside your hotel room window the sky was pitch black while the lights of the city of Tokyo were nevertheless as sharp as ever. Your eyes fell onto the clock on your nightstand and you once again yawned when you read that it was still 2 AM.
You groaned when you heard how the phone went off, and you quickly stood up from your spot on the couch. “Yeah?”, you inquired and felt how another yawn grew in your throat. “Y/N!”, Melissa, your manager let out surprised:” You’re still up?” “Yeah, well, jet lag, you know.”
”Well, I have some guy on the other line, who says he’s from MTV and needs a favor. He wants to talk to you, he said it’s urgent.”, she explained and you rubbed your eyes. “Yeah, sure. I’ll talk to him.” To be completely honest, you were glad to have some sort of distraction, you heard how she hummed before a click followed. For a moment there was a stillness before you heard chattering on the other side of the phone.
“Hello?”, you asked, and the voices abruptly stopped. “Hello?”, a man answered, his voice was deep and there was some type of accent in it:” Am I talking to Y/N? From the Arctic Monkeys?” You laughed:” Yeah, hi.”
“Oh my god, it’s actually her!”, you heared someone else mumble in the background, followed by a: “give her my number, you’ve got it, right? give it to her!”, and a: “shut up, dave!”.
Steve laughs at the memory. "Johnny told me about the show, and how it still lacked a theme song. He even sent me the very first episode that night so I could have some sort of an idea of what we would make music for. I swear, nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. But well I loved it, so I called him back as soon as I finished the episode. I told him, I loved it and that I would talk to the guys first thing in the morning. Long story short, they loved it as well and one day later we came up with 'Corona'."
"That's so cool!", Paul says:" Is that how you met Chris, or?"
"You met us way later, right?", Steve asks and takes a sip of his water: "Like the first time we've met was in 2001, which was what? A year and a half after the first episode aired on TV." You nod. "I remember, seeing you in person for the first time at the after-show party of our first movie.", he clarifies.
Scott's eyes widen: "Oh my god, I remember the dress."
"You remember the dress?"
"Yeah, The American flag one, right? Like I remember opening up people's magazines the next day, and you were like everywhere. Not just People's Magazine, but also like US Weekly and even Rolling Stone."
A laugh escapes you, while you run a hand through your hair. You can feel how your cheeks are burning up:"Y-Yeah, the dress. Oh man, people were going crazy over it. It's actually such a funny story."
#Spotify#angst#x reader#fluff#imagine#jackass#johnny knoxville#chris pontius#steve o#jackass forever#chris pontius fanfiction#chris pontius imagine#chris pontius x reader#chris pontius angst#jackass ff#jackass imagine
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11 | Don't remember anything
Series: Odds Together
Paring: Ryan Dunn x OFC Margera!
Word Count: 2.3k
Warnings: None
| MASTERLIST |
~
"We need to get you a guy." Jenn tells me as we sit on the couch together.
"Why randomly say that?" I ask confused.
"Because you need one." She laughs.
"No I don't."
"Yes, you do. You gotta meet a guy outside these idiots" she laughs.
"Oh my god, what's that?" Mom says making me and Jenn go stand by her to see what the guys were doing. We watch the guys pull down a tree making Jenn and Mom shout while I go outside.
"You know this is the opposite of Arbor Day, right?" I shout joining them.
"Just let us do what we want." Ryan wraps his arms around me shaking me as mom comes out going off on Bam.
"I don't care what you do. I was just saying this is the opposite of what the day means." I throw his arms off me as the others go get Vito's keys.
"You know trying to teach us will fail." He pats my back.
"I'm not trying to teach you guys. I'm just..." Ryan staring at me with a small smile makes me shut up. "I'm done talking to you." I walk away from him causing him to laugh at me.
Soon Bam had Vito's car hooked up and pulled up to test the tree. Vito of course goes on a rant making the guys laugh. "Never mention a holiday again. Please April." Vito tells her as I go back to the house.
"What do think about going out trying to find some guys in a bar for you?" Jenn walks into my room.
"Will you drop it if I say yes and you see it's a complete waste of time?" I look over at her.
"Yes. Now I find something for you to wear." She goes to my closet. "Here's your outfit. You have to wear in order to keep our deal." She lays it out on my bed.
"You're kidding right?" I look to see she picked an outfit Rabb got when I first moved back from that dumb competition Bam made to help me fill my clothes with new clothes.
"Nope. Get ready because I'm gonna go get ready." She leaves me alone.
"You know this jacket isn't gonna-, oh I thought you were Jenn." I see Ryan enter my room eyeing my outfit.
"Where the hell are you going dressed like that?"
"Jenn is forcing me to go to a bar to meet guys." I flop down on my chair.
"Meet guys? Why?"
"She said I need a guy because I just need one. I need to meet guys outside you idiots." I explain to him.
"Dressed like that you're gonna get creeps or make people who know the lies believe them more." Ryan's says making me agree with him.
"Yes! That's why I don't wanna wear this. Plus it's kinda cold out at night." I pout as Jenn comes in saying it's time to go.
As we walk downstairs Bam stops us dead in our tracks. "What are you wearing? You aren't going out like that. Go change." He points back up to my room.
"I picked it and she's wearing it." Jenn tells him so he looks at her. "She needs to get out there and mingle with some guys."
"No she doesn't." Bam and the rest of the guys say at the same time.
"Yes, she does. You really want her to end up with one of your friends? Because that's gonna happen if she doesn't meet new guys. She's gonna lose her mind and just settle for one of them." Jenn crosses her arms.
"That's rude." Ryan crosses his arms.
"But still dressed like that?" Bam motions to me.
"You would be fine if it was me or some other girl wearing it." Jenn tells him.
"Anna is my sister... My baby sister."
"By a few hours." She tells him.
"Nine hours. She came out on the next day... which means my baby sister." Bam corrects her.
"I don't care. We're leaving." She grabs my hand dragging me with her.
-
Most of the night was a terrible a fail with guy after guy Jenn tried to find for Anna. To get through them faster Anna just kept drinking and drinking till she couldn't really understand what was coming out of their mouths.
"That's funny." She laughs then asks for another drink.
"My dead fish is funny?" The guy asks her so she nods her head.
"Wait, you were talking about a dead fish? When did that conversation start?" She understands that part.
"When you said your brother and his friends are like owning a pet." He tells her.
"So you started to talk about a dead fish? Was a sad story supposed to help you get some tonight? Am I supposed to feel bad?"
"Technically it works so?" He asks making Anna laugh.
"You're not my type." She smiles as Ryan shows up taping on her shoulder. Jenn had called Bam saying Anna refuses to leave the bar, so he left and took Ryan to help with her. "He's not my type either but he is at the same time. What are you doing here?"
"Jenn said you won't leave the bar so Bam and I came to get you." Ryan tells her.
"I don't wanna leave though. Not because I want to keep meeting boring guys that want to hook up, but because I really like this drink." Anna smiles at her glass.
Ryan sighs and looks at the guy, "You heard her getting going." He motions for the guy to leave.
"She's a bitch anyways." The guy leaves.
"She's not a bitch!" Ryan shouts at him before turning to Anna asking for another drink. "No, she's done for the night." Ryan stops the bartender.
"Ry, don't tell Bam but I've been using his card for drinks." Anna giggles.
"You're so drunk." He shakes his head at her.
"And you're so cute." She pokes at his chest.
"Time to go home and go to bed." He helps her up and walks them to Bam and Jenn and they all head home.
Back at the house Ryan and Bam take Anna to her room. "Bam get out of my room." She whines taking off her jacket.
"I trust my best friend not to do anything with my drunk sister. Raab is a different story, I saw how he was eyeing her earlier. Practically undressed her in his mind." Bam leaves the room.
"I don't understand why everyone makes it seem like a bad idea with me ending up with one of you idiots." Anna gets undressed making Ryan turn away from her. "You guys at least understand and know me. Plus respect me." Anna puts her night clothes on then walks over to Ryan. "You get what I mean?"
"Yes. Now let's get you in bed." He walks her to bed helping her get in it.
"Wanna know a secret?" She pats part of the bed for him to sit down so he does. "You wanna know what the third reason was... Why I left?" She asks him.
"What's that?" He asks.
"You."
"Me?" He asks confused.
"Yes, you. Ryan Matthew Dunn."
"Why?" He wants to know.
"Because of your dumb green eyes, that stupid smile and laugh of yours, the way you care about me, the way you make me feel especially when it's just the two of us hanging out. I just had to leave. It wasn't right because you're Bam's best friend and I knew it wasn't the same for you. Now I wish I could leave all over again." She explains everything to him as he just sits there taking in her words.
"You wanna leave again..."
"I don't want that." She sighs.
"I don't want that either. I want you to st-," She cuts Ryan off placing her lips on his. He wanted to kiss her back but not when she was in this condition where she wouldn't remember any of this. "Get some rest Anna." He leaves her room.
-
I woke with a killer headache not remembering anything after ordering the same drink over and over to zone out from the guys Jenn kept finding for me.
"Look whose up." Jenn laughs at me as I get some water.
"How did you get me home?" I ask rubbing my eyes.
"I called Bam so him and Dunn came to force you to come home. You just loved that drink and turns out you're never getting a guy from this town." She laughs leaving me alone.
I head outside to see what the guys were doing and to help me get over my hangover. "Sleeping beauty is up." Bam puts his arm around my shoulder kissing the side of my head.
"Thank you two for helping out with me." I tell him and Ryan.
"It was mostly Ryan. He got you to leave the bar then helped you to bed." Bam pushes me towards him.
"I know I can always count on you." I smile giving him a hug.
"Do you even remember getting home?" He asks me.
"I don't remember anything after a few drinks. Nothing at all it's all blank to me. I didn't embarrass myself did I?" I get worried.
"No, you just made sure you'll never get a guy in this town. The last dude you laughed about his dead fish." He tells me.
"Damn..."
"Hey let's try that zip line thing." Glomb says so they test it out.
"Geez. That's how we stop." Ryan says as we watch the log hit the tree.
"Let's test this thing out." Bam tells Glomb as we go up in the tree top casino.
"The zip line?" Glomb asks.
"Dunn, you'll be the test pilot." Bam smacks his butt.
"What? I'm not your Guinea pig. Geez... Can we at try something first?" He asks so we do watermelons but when we run out Ryan goes and it works.
Soon the wrestlers were here and Vito got them fight g in the pirate bar making mom scared. I laugh when mom starts to slap Ryan and Bam with the gloves and when they attack her too.
"Are you laughing?" Bam walks towards me.
"Don't you dare." I back away only to get hit by Ryan on the butt. "Dunn!" I turn to smack him with my hand so Bam gets me now and they start to attack me like they did with mom till they had their laugh.
"I hear the speed dating was bad but you loved the drinks." Raab sits with me in the living room.
"I don't remember shit from last night."
"So you were really drunk. Man I should of been there. Maybe you would have kissed me." He jokes around.
"I probably would have which is scary." I think about it.
"It wouldn't be that bad. I've kissed you when you were sober."
"You kissed me... I didn't kiss you." I make that clear.
"You're telling me you wouldn't kiss me again? I'm hurt." He puts his hand on his chest.
"If I kiss you will you be happy and over it?" I ask rolling my eyes.
"Yes." I lean over giving him a kiss wanting to keep it sort but he grabs my face holding me there to kiss me back.
"Oh no!" Jenn sees us so I pull away.
"It was just to shut him up." I get up walking to her.
"What are you no-ing about?" Everyone comes up from the pirate bar so I look at Jenn.
"Her and Raab were kissing." I huff.
"WHAT!" Bam yells.
"It was to shut him up that's it."
"It was. I was taking about the time I kissed her when I had too much to drink and I said she would never kiss me so she did." Raab tries to help but really it made Bam more wild.
"I thought it was clear no stuff with my sister? She's a friend to you guys only." He tells them making me look away embarrassed and I see Ryan looking at me.
"Bam, I get it but it was a dumb kiss. And hate to burst your bubble more... But I've been or have kissed each of your friends at least once. Get over." I leave the room.
-
Bam blinks slowly turning his head towards Ryan since really that's the only person he truly cares about. Ryan sees the look in his eyes, "It was at Mardi Gras when you told me to go find her. It was only because this random creep was making her uncomfortable and I wanted to get him away from her. So I faked I was her boyfriend but it was just a small little peck that's it. Nothing serious nor meant anything." Ryan explains but lies.
What he didn't know was that Anna had her door cracked and was listening to what was going on. It actually hurt but she wasn't surprised. She was just a friend and Bam's sister.
The next day when the tree top casino was ready and open Anna decided to stay in her room not wanting to be there. She didn't want to see Duun, didn't want to see Bam, and didn't want to see Raab. She actually hated to admit she did have a small crush on Raab but she was falling for Dunn all over. Fuck she still had a thing for Johnny, who she still had no idea how he hasn't found out about who she was. But then she wondered if he did and just didn't want to talk to her anymore.
"Maybe I'm not meant for dating at all. They never turn out good anyways. I'm doomed to be alone." She talks to herself in the pitch black of her room.
#jackass#johnny knoxville#ryan dunn#bam margera#steve o#chris pontius#wee man#dave england#ehren mcghehey#preston lacy#jeff tremaine#spike jonze#jackass 2#jackass 3d#jackass forever#viva la bam#cky crew#Brandon DiCamillo#Chris Raab#Edward Webb#rake yohn#raab himself#ryan dunn ff#ryan dunn imagine
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the most ridiculously sweet angelfaced boy riding a bike over cactuses, in a grumpy voice: goddamn this is BMX tug-of-war. FUCK! what a dumbass idea!!
i’m sorry was i supposed to watch jackass in a way i don’t fall in love with him? i am a SIMPLE! GIRL!
#HE WAS ALWAYS SO GRUMPY !! AND THEN SMIRKING !! WITH HIS CUTE ASS FACE AND HIS HAIR !!! I HATE HIM !!!!#grumpy boy with the most adorable giggly laugh ???? like i said I AM SIMPLE I DONT ASK FOR MUCH#‘i cant believe there’s ff for jackass’ BITCH LOOK AT RYAN DUNN !!!!!!!
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+ extra ! jealousy
series m.list
note: .... can’t explain whY but i jus hAVE TO WRITE MY DELULU OUT
taglist requests are closed !
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“Who was that?”
“Who was who?”
“That guy.”
“What guy?”
“___,” Yoongi huffs, feeling irritated from your answers. In all honesty, it’s not like you were being difficult to piss him off! He just has no patience today.
Actually, he has zero intentions to be patient over moments like this.
You’re in a cheerful mood as usual. The last batch of children are exiting the preschool and Yoongi is here to pick you up. It’s been a busy week for you two. Yoongi has an upcoming USA trip with his brother and you’ve been swamped with extra shifts at the preschool. Today is the first day you two finally found intentional time to be together.
Now, it’s about to be ruined.
“That guy was flirting with you, Ace.”
You pause your steps and turn to him in confusion. Yoongi’s gaze lowers, and he bites the inside of his cheeks.
“The guy that came to pick up his daughter?” you laugh, “he’s quite literally a DILF.”
“So you’re down to fuck him?”
“What? Yoongi, why would I want him?”
Truth be told, he doesn’t know why he even asked that. It’s more of a heat of a moment comment, but he can’t back off now. Now, his feelings of insecurity are on the rise. The guy you were talking to was much taller than him.
Older.
You laughed a lot so probably funnier than him.
And just like.. He had a suit and everything. It looked like he had his shit together. Yoongi doesn’t usually feel small, but watching someone like that talk to you... Well, he felt intimidated. It only reminded him of just how captivating you are.
He inhales sharply at you and repeats himself. “He was flirting with you.”
“He’s my students father, Yoongi!” You can’t believe how difficult he’s being. It feels slightly suffocating to not even be able to explain yourself.. Actually, why do you have to explain yourself? You’ve done nothing wrong.
“Doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to fuck his daughter’s young preschool teacher.” Yoongi’s harsh words cause you to give him a double take. “It’s a fantasy thing, you know? Like a kink or whatever.”
“Is it your fantasy?”
“Don’t be a smartass.”
“Then don’t be mean to me.”
You’re so confused.
He has never spoken to you like this.
“Yoongi, do you hear yourself?” you place your hand on his chest. “Why are you talking to me like this?”
Yoongi gulps, instantly feeling like the world’s biggest jackass. He reruns his words and can’t believe it himself. Was he really going to do this to you? Was he really going to start a fight all because he misses you so much and suddenly.. The first time he sees you in a week; you’re throwing your head back, laughing, and smiling with someone else?
It hurts Yoongi so much. He knows it’s not that serious. He knows you love him and all—it’s just hard. He feels stuck. Yet, seeing the way your eyes soften at him.. It makes him fold.
“I’m sorry.. I just—” Yoongi fumbles with his words. “I think I just miss you. I didn’t mean to imply anything or really start anything.. But I can’t help but think—“
“I miss you too,” you admit. “It’s been a busy few weeks for us and we’re going to be a part for a while... I’m sure you’re just upset but acting this way is not going to help our situation—”
“Upset?” he spits, unable to keep it together. “Ace, he was flirting with you. Why can’t you just admit that?”
“And if I do? Then what, Yoongi? So what if he was flirting with me? Was I flirting with him back?” You give in to your frustrations. If Yoongi wants to act this way, then so be it!
“No,” Yoongi growls, realizing it’s a pride thing now. “But why did you have to entertain it?”
“Entertain it? I was responding to him! He had questions, I answered them—”
“Fuck that.”
You tilt your head at him, unsure of who he was right now. “Stop being jealous, Aki. There is nothing to be jealous about.”
“I—no. I am not!” he whines like a child. Yoongi looks at you and bites his bottom lip, letting himself pout. “I’m not jealous.”
You roll your eyes at him, not buying his words. His face softens and he itches to apologize to you.
Just say it.
Just say you’re sorry and spend the rest of the day with your beautiful girlfriend, you idiot.
Before he can even get the words out, you see right through him. You tug on his arm and pull him close. Leaning your forehead against his, you dip low and kiss him.
“My green-eyed monster, I’ve always been yours.”
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Anonymous
Noah Sebastian x OFC
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K listen, I've haven't written any band FF in a LONG LONG LONG time, mkay? But Bad Omens...Noah Sebastian...mmmph.
Let's see how far we get here.
If you enjoy, let me know. If you want to be tagged in the next part, let me know that too. If you even so much as take the time to read MY SINCEREST GRATITUDES CAUSE WRITING THIS STUFF IS MY ESCAPE. xo
Warnings: Alcohol abuse, overall abuse, mild violence (ie. bar fights), smut, swearing, and altogether just a lot of fuckery.
+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.
Part 1 - Burning Out
Work had been long today. Longer than most days. The customers screaming at me had only taken it's toll so much, but having a God awful supervisor who was hell bent on making me late for my meeting, knowing full well how important my twice weekly meetings were, had completely wiped my energy and patience in one fell swoop. Needless to say, I was in no mood for excess attitude or traffic today. Which is why I found myself cursing at the jackass in the SUV in front of me, taking at least a year to make a right hand turn into the close to empty parking lot where the meeting was being held. It took the last of my self restraint to not lay on my horn and flip a specific finger at the driver.
Finally reaching the normal parking space in front of the unmarked office building, I silently breathed a sigh of relief. I had made it, only 2 minutes later than I should be. I began scrambling for my energy drink and my bag before shuffling out of my car and pressing the fob to hear the beep of the alarm set. My poor beat up Tahoe was doing her best, so I never took my frustrations out on her.
As I crossed the parking lot, I whipped my head around to gauge the spaces, noticing all of the regulars were already here, meaning I was the last to arrive. Sucks, given I'm the meeting organizer. Something caught my eye. A vehicle I didn't recognize, a black SUV. The same one who apparently can't make a right turn to save their life. Newbie? The rest of the offices were closed for the day, so I can't see why else they'd be here.
The building is always so quiet at 6PM, so the tapping of my chucks on the tile floors is louder than I'd like, drawing attention to my obvious lateness. (To who?). Didn't matter. I felt ashamed. These meetings are the most important facet of my life right now. I needed to be more punctual. Maybe next time, I'll tell Supervisor Sam to fuck right off like he deserves.
"Guys, I am so fucking sorry. Douchebag sup made me late...again." I announced as I backed into the door, opening it, and heading straight to the table to pull the Crumbl cookies out of my bag and setting them next to the water cooler and Keurig machine. I always brought sweets. It kept the cravings away.
"No worries Leena, we've just been chatting with the new guy." I turned around to see Abel, my veteran, who was gesturing to someone I didn't know.
I went around the circle of chairs, counting off my regular faces, some newer than others.
Abel, Rodger, Syd, Seth, Ali, Jackson, Mark, and Jillian.
However, sitting between Abel and Jillian was a newcomer, who currently had his back turned, slumped forward in his chair. Brown hair, longer than the hat he wore, black sweatshirt and dark blue jeans. Black sneakers. Hood up. Guarded, uncomfortable. What little of his hands I could see kneading together, they were completely tattooed. Even at Abel's mention of him, he didn't turn to face me.
"Oh! Well good! Great job guys. We can go ahead and get started." I grabbed my clipboard off the table, and rounded the group and took my normal spot next to Syd. By the way her hair was pulled back and her face looked dry and sullen, I could tell we had some things to talk about today.
"Well, my new folks don't typically like to talk first on their first day, but just know, that you being here is only the beginning. And we are all here to welcome you to our group. Right, guys?" I directed my statement toward the stranger, who I now can see more clearly. His face is pale, with the exception of the dark circles rested comfortably above his cheekbones. If I were to take a guess, those had been there a while.
The rest of my group nodded, with several of them giving a quick 'That's right.' and 'Welcome in.'
"I'm Leena, the group coordinator. I can answer any questions you may have?" The stranger just peered at me with dark eyes and shook his head. "Okay, we can jump right in, then."
I could feel Syd next to me bursting to talk, so I looked to her.
"Syd, do you want to get us started today?" She only nodded, wiping some stray tears forming on her cheeks.
Syd was such a beautiful girl. Only 21 years old, it was amazing that she found the strength to come to us so young, and work on turning her life around. Her neon blue hair was knotted on top of her head, and she was picking feverishly at her sleeve of her sweater. I could feel what was coming. I always could.
"I...I fell off the wagon." I only nodded, knowing. She had missed three meetings, and unless someone forewarned me about vacations or work obligations, it almost always meant they were on a bender of some kind.
"Okay," As her tears began pouring, I reached over and ran a hand up her arm. There was a reason I sat Syd right next to me. She had been one of my newest, and biggest challenges. Overcoming the demons was an every day, every moment, every second battle that she was still very much fighting. "It's alright honey. We're all here to support you. No one is judging."
She went on to explain she had began with a mimosa at brunch with her friends, who didn't know she was in recovery. She didn't want them to know, so she tried to just sip. It didn't work. It never does. The one drink lead to a blackout weekend and three days in jail for public intoxication. She lost the job she had just gotten at the local DMV. Syd was going through it. She would need Seth, her sponsor, more than usual right now. He was on the other side of her, clutching her hand as she cried.
Once Syd had finished her confession, and emotionally put her 30-day coin back in the jar, we moved on to Seth.
One by one, through the circle, we heard everyone's stories of recent achievements and sorrows. Challenges and victories. Their ongoing battles. Once Jillian finished telling us about her recent trip to Vegas with her friends, where she managed not to have a single drink. We applauded her, because we all knew how much restraint that took.
I would steal occasional glances at our guest, whose eyes would also glance back at me once in a while, but mostly followed the speakers, never moving in his chair, stoic as cement. This isn't uncommon for people coming here for the first time. It's not easy to do, and it's wildly uncomfortable at first.
However, the circle was now all looking at him, and a look of almost panic flashed across his face.
"Is it on me?" His voice was deeper than I expected, with a clear rasp to it that told me all I needed to know about his history. He belonged here, and we were glad to have him.
I nodded. "How much you tell us is entirely up to you, but all I ask is you at least tell us your name, and why you're here."
He bit his bottom lip, eyes cast at me from across the room, looking up through long, dark eyelashes. "I have to say it out loud?"
"That's one of the first steps." I kept a soft smile on my face. Being warm, and understanding was my entire job here.
Abel's elbow nudged the stranger, who glanced at him, encouraging him. "No worries man, we've all been here."
A hard sigh left his throat, ending with a sharp cough.
"My name is Noah. And I'm an alcoholic."
****
Once the meeting had ended, I was stacking chairs back against the wall, prepping the room for the next meeting, NA. They had their own setup, and would be in here in about 30 minutes. Most everyone had left, with the exception of Abel, Syd, and Noah. Our newest AA member had been pretty tight-lipped about himself, only admitted to being 27 years old, and in the entertainment industry. He didn't elaborate further. That was just fine. If he kept coming, we would encourage him further, but AA was all about getting you through it at your pace. As long as you didn't drink, I was happy.
I was putting away the leftover cookies, planning to take the last couple with me to work tomorrow for a snack. I happened to catch a glimpse of someone leaving the restroom, and I noticed it was Noah. Everyone else had left only a couple minutes ago.
"Oh, hey!" I waved at him to come over. He paced his tall frame over to me, towering over me easily. He had at least a foot of height on me, which was hilarious, given I was a year older and 3 years sober myself.
"Hey, thanks for having me today. I didn't know if you could just come to these things." I slung my bag over my shoulder, smiling at him.
"C'mon, I wanted to chat with you before you left." We made our way out of the building as Angie, the NA organizer walked in past us, smiling at us both.
We reached the parking lot, my green Tahoe and the same black SUV being some of the only vehicles left. It dawned on me that he drove the SUV. Well, he may need a driving lesson, but he seemed nice enough.
I turned to face him before heading for my car. "Have you talked to anyone about being a sponsor? The only requirements I have is that they have been sober at least 6 months. Almost everyone in our group is, with the exception of Syd and Jackson." I could see him chewing his lip, his fingers fiddling with his keys.
"No, I...I didn't think about it." His eyes were looking everywhere but at me.
"Noah?" I asked, trying to get his attention. "Do you know what a sponsor is?"
This drew a short, burst of a chuckle out of him, his lips curling in a sheepish grin while he shook his head. I saw his frame relax for just a second, his arm reaching to scratch the back of his neck.
"I don't." I nodded, chuckling myself.
"No worries! I didn't when I started either." I waved him over to the bench perched just outside the building. He followed me and we sat. "A sponsor is someone to keep you straight. Someone who will keep your head on when you feel like you might fall off." He was listening, eyes fixed on me. "This is the person you call when you want a drink. They'll talk you down, distract you. Support you." He nodded, understanding crossing his features.
"Do they have to be a member of the group?"
"No, not necessarily, but they do need to be sober. A sponsor is no good if they are drinking and setting bad examples."
"Makes sense. I'll think on it." I stood up then, stretching up on my toes to flex my legs that had been sitting most the day. He stayed sat, now looking up at me.
"I do need you to have a sponsor by the next meeting on Thursday, though. Have to have one by your second session. And if you don't have one by then, we can get someone in the group to sponsor you, no problem."
He raised a brow at me, a smirk on his lips. "Didn't you say you only had one rule?" This threw me off. Smartass? It was innocent, I could tell, but a joker. Hadn't had one of those in a while.
I laughed it off. "Well, I only do for your first day. There are only a few rules to AA, but they're pretty much common sense."
He stood then, towering me once again. "Can you tell me anyway? I don't want to fuck this up." We then began walking back towards the cars. When I walked toward mine, he followed. It was dark already, so I didn't mind. This was LA, after all.
"Well, the first is obvious, no drinking." I popped my driver door open and flung my bag in toward the passenger's side. He nodded at me and leaned against the rear door of my truck.
"Second, no coming in drunk. As obvious as that may seem, you would not believe how many people I've kicked out of the meeting for showing up mid-bender." He raised his eyebrows. "As much as I'd like to keep and eye on them, it's not good for the other members."
"No, for sure." His tone was even.
"And lastly," I then looked straight at him, so he knew how serious I was. "don't ever lie to me." I could see him straighten just a little, feeling the seriousness of what I was saying. "If you fell off, admit it. I'm not judging. I did, so many times. But if you lie, you're out." I then took a step closer, if only to make my point, "Because I always find out."
He kicked off from my truck, his body less than six inches from mine. He looked down at me, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips.
"Yes ma'am." I felt a twinge up the back of my spine. It was a little warm all of a sudden, and my mouth was dry. I stepped back, and was able to regain my brain.
I smiled brightly at him and swung myself up into my truck. Before I slid my legs in, I looked at him, now almost at eye-level.
"Great! I'll see you Thursday, then!"
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