#ive been working on these fucking things for MONTHS i cannot wait to post more
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Inundate
[𝙰𝚄: 𝙶𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚍!𝚂𝚒𝚖𝚘𝚗 𝚁𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚢 𝚡 𝚂𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚗!𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛] || 𝙿𝚕𝚊𝚢𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝
[𝙳𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝙿𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍]: 05/01/24
[𝙰𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝]: Sorry is the siren whose selfishness results in carnage.
[𝙲𝚠]: gore, murder, blood, body horror, angst, character deaths (both major and minor), hurt/comfort, smut, possessive!simon, inexperienced!reader, creampie, hurt and NO COMFORT, mention of the loss of a parent.
[𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝]: 18,536
[𝙰/𝙽]: Since so many people liked the first part (ty for ur support btw i am blown away by all the love ive been getting... it's enough to make a grown woman cry) HERE'S PART TWO!!! I hope it's just as entertaining as the first part and a good continuation to the story, although if you dislike it, just pretend this part never happened. Also this took so long because between writing this I have been watching the cat in the hat (best movie of all time btw).
I had a lot of fun writing this and can't wait for more alt aus !! I think the next think i have planned has something to do with everyones favourite ghost so... keep an eye out for that :3
(Pls ignore any typos I am very tired and really wanted to get this done so if I have made any I do apologise)
Comments are always appreciated !!
If you haven't already read it, I advise you read 𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝙾𝚗𝚎 !!
Please don't post my work anywhere else without my permission !!
There is something in the water.
There's something looking at him. He can sense it, he can feel it, and the feeling of whatever it is makes his blood run cold. Words have been leaving his mouth as he stands upon the ship, his eyes blood red at the very belief that something is there.
Leaning over, he watches as the ship caves into the waves, the village in the distance growing further and further away, the sound of songs and cheers emitting from the belly of the vessel.
Perhaps he's just a little sea sick, that's his excuse for the creeping sense of dread which is climbing up his spine the further he looks into the water, searching for the same set of black eyes that had stared at him that night while he obeyed the Captains orders.
Nausea rumbles his stomach, he feels the urge to grip the side of the ship and expel his guts for he cannot escape the image of that siren. It's as though, even though she is dead and gone (somewhere no one knows), she is still there with him, under his nails, infecting him with a sickly guilt that has caused his pores to ooze, the skin on his lips to crack, and his sleepless eyes to remain bloodshot.
He is rotting from the inside out.
Despite months having gone by, his hands are still slicked with the blood of the bleeding siren. He's scrubbed and scrubbed, and still, the dark red tinge under his nails persists. His hair is wild, flecks of grey sparkling in the daylight as he brings his hands together in an attempt to quell them as they continue to shake.
They're not alone anymore.
They haven't been for a while, yet, they have been none the wiser to it until the discovery of that... thing.
Granted, he's unsure as to whether or not he is grateful for knowing what is in the depths of the sea, or if he would have preferred it to stay a secret.
There is something following the ship, he knows there is something following the ship, whether beside it or under it- it doesn't matter.
He's heard the stories, read too many books in the library to count, and even since the murder of the siren, there has been a different air in the village just as there is at sea. Something is displeased, they are displeased, he knows they are.
'Roland, are you seriously looking for one of those things again?'
A hand is placed in his movement and he jolts, yelping at the sudden contact, his hands wrapping around the beam he has been using to look over the ship. There's a scoff from the man standing behind him as he scratches his beard, looking him up and down before his hands settle on hips hip.
'For fucks sake kid,' he exclaims, shaking his head, 'you're making yourself with the thought of the fuckin' things- have you looked in the mirror recently?'
He’s choking on his words, his tongue seemingly too big for his mouth as he gargles out an incoherent mess. Quite frankly, he would have been better throwing up overboard; at least then man would get a proper response from him. His cheeks are red as he concludes he should keep his mouth shut.
'You should have stayed on land,' he sharply states, 'this is our land, they don't have a fucking leg to stand on out here, right?' asks the man, wrapping his arm around his shoulder, holding his hand out as he points towards the sea with a bright smile on his face. 'One of theirs washed up on our shore, and they didn't stand a fuckin' chance against us.'
Observing the land, he swallows hard at the sight of a small mound of rocks sitting in the distance, tensing in the grip of the man standing beside him.
'She was on land,' he chokes out, resting his forearm against the edge of the ship, resting his head against his arms. The fluid motion of the water slightly rocking the boat side to side worsens his sickness as he sits and attempts to focus on his breathing. 'And she only died 'cause Price fucked up.'
'She only lived for as long as she did because that fuckwit was acting on the orders of the Lord,' says the man beside him, smacking his hand against his back, rendering the other breathless as he heaves for a gasp of air. 'Do I need to go to the Captain and get this boat turned around,' he lowly asks, 'because you're lookin' to be more of a fuckin' burden than anything else.'
Straightening his posture, he lets go of the edge of the shift, rubbing his face with his hands, shaking his head.
Rubbing his eyes, he winces at the dull pain as he does so, 'no, no, you don't... jus' haven't been sleeping recently, that's all,' he explains, 'been worrying about this trip but... I need the money; it's been rough recently.'
'Then get your fucking act together,' snaps the man, 'can't have some stupid mer-freaks scaring you, hey? They've probably left these waters, anyway,' he shrugs, 'they're like spiders; they fear us more than we fear them, and the only thing you've got to be fearful is Donny seeing you in this state, yeah?'
'Yeah,' he nods, noting that they're growing closer and closer to the mound of rocks. 'Need the money for this job.'
'Don't we all,' laughs the man, 'I'm gonna go get a drink, you gonna join me?'
As he looks at the an, he pictures the hot room beneath the deck with one too many bodies crammed into there, all for the sake of getting their hands on some rum. His stomach is burning as bile bubbles. There is nothing worse his mind can conceive at this moment, it's simply a death wish to accept his generous offer.
'No, I'm gonna stay up here; feel a bit sick,' he confesses, 'cause of the long break of voyages.'
Placing both of his hands on his bloated belly, Mike rolls his eyes, letting out a chuckle, 'I will say, strange how trade has been quiet for the past few months, isn't it? Got a village full of hungry people here and they're expecting us to sustain ourselves? That hardly seems culpable.’
'Somethin' to do with the Lords guards. They have more power than good, they do,' snarls Roland, 'think it's okay to demand for cuts of the ships in the water, and for what?'
'To keep you safe it seems,' laughs the man, 'can't have you vomiting into the ocean and angering the big fish, right? Have the village under water in the matter of seconds if you spilled your guts overboard.'
His laughter continues while he keeps his eyes glued on the small island of rocks. Holding his breath, he narrows them as the sun glares down at hm, burning his flesh. Sweat tricks from off of his forehead, chapped lips smacking together as he begins to smile.
'Bet it has something to do with the freak with the skull mask on.... Say, Mike, you ever seen his face before?' he asks with a furrowed brow.
Reflecting for a moment, he rests his hand against his hip, tapping his foot as he looks past Roland, staring into the sea as he contemplates. Resting either elbow on the edge of the ship, he lazily slouches awaiting the answer.
'No, can't say I have, hasn't left the house with that stupid fuckin' thing since he became one of the guards... you reckon it's real?' he asks with a laugh.
'Yeah fuckin' right,' Roland laughs, 'tied to the back of his head with pieces of silk, you really think someone like that has the fuckin' balls t’ kill someone and wear their skull as a souvenir?'
Both of them pause, sharing a look with one another.
Then Mike begins to laugh, Roland not too far behind as the pair of them howl.
His sickness abandons him as the pair of them laugh together. Tilting his back, he keeps his eyes screwed shut as he lifts a leg up, unable soothe the joyous ache in his gut.
'Yeah fuckin' right,' Mike says, wiping his eyes with his chubby fingers, 'he's doin' arts and crafts at...'
His laughter quells.
Even his sharp gasps for air dissipate.
Roland continues to laugh, only, after a few moments of silence, he clears his throat, his breath clawing at the inside of his throat.
He finds the hairs on his arms stand up, the wrinkles on his sickly face appearing as his peeling lips come together while lifting his head to look at Mike.
The elder man is pale, staring blankly past him into the sea.
'What?' Roland slowly asks, staring at the man, a smile tugging at his lips.
Unmoved by his comment, he turns his head to look in the direction where the man is looking.
Sinking his teeth into his bottom lip, he holds his breath as his eyes scan over the area.
There's the depth of the sea, they have passed the rocks he's heard in many account from those who have survived the sirens.
There is nothing there but the sea and the sky.
'Got ya',' chuckles the man behind him, continuing to laugh in the same manner he was laughing in before, 'you really thought I was gonna say that there's a siren there, didn't you? Gotta get them off of your mind, son.'
‘I know,' Roland retorts, 'the skull faced freak really helped... like medicine he is, strange fellow, yet so good for the soul, eh?'
'Good for the soul, but not the wallet,' snorts the latter. 'Wouldn't even say he's medicine, you're givin' him too much credit by sayin' that.'
'Oh?' Roland says, 'then what do you suppose he is then?'
'A witches potion,' he answers.
'Even that seems too nice,' says the spotty man, 'a quacks remedy is more fitting I think.'
The pair of them begin to laugh again, the waves crashing either side of the boat, and with every second they grow further and further from the little pile of rocks, and he finds his aching muscles are soothed.
The bustling cheers of the sailor help to warm his heart and he begins to think that he can stomach some rum.
A drop wouldn't kill a man, that's for sure.
In fact, it'll probably work well to settle his stomach.
'I think I've had a change of heart on the invite,' he says with a smile, 'drop of rum never killed anyone, has it?' he continues on brightly as though he had not been moments away from emptying his guts all of the deck. 'Well, it hasn't yet, at least.'
'That's the spirit,' Mike grins, 'probably help you with that uneasy stomach of yours, know it helps with mine, at least,' he says so while patting his stomach, looking over his shoulder to towards the door beneath the top of the ship where the Captain stands.
The man doesn't even move to address Mike, keeping his eyes set right in front of him, his hat tilted slightly downwards to keep the sun out of his eyes.
Opening his mouth to respond, all air exudes from his lung as he feels an ice cold touch on his shoulder.
Slowly, he turns his head, looking down to the wet patch on his shirt. A short breath escapes him as he notes the webbed hand, nails as sharp as daggers digging through the fabric of his shirt.
'Gonna take more than a quacks remedy to fix your issues,' a soft voice whispers as the hand on his shoulder shifts, and with one fair slash, the skin on his throat is shred as he is pulled overboard.
A gargled scream escapes him.
Writhing against the strong hold, his eyes water as he gasps for air as his body is dragged under the current. Swallowing mouthfuls of blood and water, he chokes out babbled for them to come back, for them to stop as the ship charged through the seas.
Cruelly, the siren holding him keeps him above water as he chokes.
'Don't worry about them,' says the voice behind him, 'water's waitin' for them, a pretty song is too.'
With that, he cries out in agony as your nails are drove into his stomach, the flesh snapping as you drag your fingers through his stomach.
'You helped in her capture,' you seethe, 'you're lucky I haven't flooded the entire fucking town, but if I don't find the man who murdered her, you best believe that entire town is going to drown in the same water as you.'
'T- They'll...' he wretches out, the strength in his kicks calming as his eyes grow heavy, '...kill you,' he firmly states, gritting his teeth.
A loud laugh graces his ears as your grip on him loosens.
'Only if they can swim with a slit throat.'
＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ☾ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊
Blood washes off easily with water.
It's the nails it's difficult to remove it from, and he struggles with all his might as he stands at the edge of the shore, scraping his nails into the sand. It doesn't help at all, though, he still insists on doing so; it's the only time the stain of red is obscured.
The beach is bitter to him these days, and even though his mouth is protected from the elements as he keeps his balaclava over his mouth, he still feels a faint tingle on his mouth as he recalls the moment he spent here with you.
You're difficult to avoid, especially whenever he's passing the beach on patrol. Price has made a point to keep him away from it, placing him next to the Lords house during his patrols. He says it's to make it easier on him, so he's not as distracted while doing an important job.
When he's near the Lords house, his ears ring with the sound of your screaming and crying, and the blood under his nails grows darker.
There's a temptation whenever he's nearing the house; one cut to the throat and he would be dealt with.
As easy as that.
Truthfully, the old man has nothing to do with the issues going on within, but he's clamouring for someone to hate, for someone to blame. The old man made the orders, they could have just let her go, but they didn't.
And then you left with her.
In the morning after Serelia's burial, when he woke to an empty bed, his lungs turned to ice. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced, the feeling of utter despair as he found the pink dress he had bought for you gone along with yourself.
There was no residue of body heat on your side of the bed, he struggled to find anything to even prove you existed as he rushed around the house with wild eyes.
'Sweetheart?' he called, forcing the door to the bathroom open.
The light shined in from the window, though, there was nothing in there aside from the bloody frock he'd helped you remove the night before.
Picking it up off of the ground, he held it out in front of him looking at the drying blood in the fabric. He didn't know why he did it if anything, it only works to worsen his panic.
In the midst of public, eyes are everywhere... what if someone heard your confession to him? What if it was the same someone who hurt Serelia?
He dropped the dress promptly, his hand over his mouth as his face paled at the very thought of you being taken- of you meeting the same fate as the poor siren he'd buried. Only, in the memory, it was your face he was covering with the shabby old white sheet he found in the cabin, and it was your blood on that dress and not hers.
For the next few minutes, he spent them on his knees, gripping the edge of the toilet as he threw up what little he had in his stomach, ridding his body of the last moments he had spent with you.
After the remnants of the pastry he'd eaten before were in the toilet bowl, he suffered through a terrible burning in his throat as his face grew hot as he thought against all urges to throw up anymore. Yet, he failed, a mixture of stomach acid and spit landing in the bowl.
The smell was grotesque, yet, the taste of it was even worse.
His eyes were teary when he eventually forced himself off of the ground, rushing out of the room, quickly changing into his uniform, leaving the skull of his mask in his bedroom, tying the balaclava around his face before rushing out of the door.
People look at him with raised brows, finally able to see the top part of his face, yet, he doesn't care as he sprints through the village, his heart pounding against his chest, hoping that one of the women passing him is you.
The library is closed, you can't be there and he wants to scream as he holds the side of his head, his throat tightening up. How he longed to have the simple luxury of seeing you sat in the library again with a book on your lap. Though, as he peered through the glass of the small building, the space was simply a husk.
Heat climbed up his neck as he heaves out desperate breaths. His skin grew itchy and his blunt nails clawed at the flesh on his neck as he gulped hard attempting to chase after air, to find some form of peace to calm himself.
You left in silence, you left without a goodbye- surely you wouldn't have been so cruel to do so. You would have said something to him, left something for him to let you know that you were okay.
The missing dress is the only form of hope he had, though, the missing dress means nothing; someone could have taken that with you to make it look as though you left on your own accord and not someone else's.
The world is spinning as his breathing quickens, he can hardly make sense of anything around him and he finds himself growing more frustrated by the second. You could be anywhere, he hadn't let you out of his sight for more than a month, and the moment he sleeps with you beside him is the moment you disappear.
After the library, he checked the beach, yet it was clear, not a being in sight, nor a siren.
You were nowhere to be found.
The crashing waves and the grey sky swelled in his head rendering him speechless as he blinks back the tears, clenching his fists as he turned away from ocean, returning back to the village.
When he opened the door to the station, the first face he was greeted with was the both who Price had tasked with the mission of looking after Serelia.
The fool who was sloppy enough to leave her by herself.
'Mornin' Si', you want a tea?' Johnny asked, turning his attention away from Rhys standing beside him.
He doesn't care to respond to the man, instead, he grabbed the throat of the man beside him, slamming him against the wall with gritted teeth.
The man startled in his hold, letting out a loud gasp as Simon's fist around his neck tightens with the intent of only loosening when he felt the bone crunch in his fist.
'You fucking bastard!' he screamed.
Rhys doesn't dare move, weak wretches escaping him as he squirmed in his hold.
A hand grabs his shoulder, 'woah, woah, hey, Simon calm down!' Johnny exclaimed, 'you're gonna kill the fuckin' kid.'
'That' the whole point,' he snapped, 'you let that fuckin' siren die.'
'I- I didn't,' the man managed out.
'You left her alone and she was fucking murdered- this is your fault, Price put you up to it and you left her with no one there to protect her and she died.'
At that point, he could hear the blood in his veins, and had he not been forced off of him by Johnny and Price, he very well would have snapped the kids neck.
Rhys fell to the ground with a harsh gasp while Price stepped in front of him and Johnny kept hold his arms. When Simon stepped forward, Price placed his hand against his chest, shoving him backwards.
'Simon,' warned the man, 'bring it in, I've already got the death of that fucking siren on my case, I don't need another one to account for too.'
His eyes grew blurry as he looked at the man.
'What's wrong?' Johnny asked from behind him, 'whats happened?'
Everything folded in on itself, the cold morning, the absence of you and your dress, the bloody dress on the floor. Everything, every single thing he built with you collapsed, and he was unable to keep it all together as he ripped his arms from out of Johnny's hold.
Looking past Price, he pointed his finger in the direction of the brown-haired man on the floor, clenching his teeth, 'it's your fault she's fuckin' gone,' he seethes, 'all your fucking fault,' he mustered up before storming out the Station, blinking back tears as he returned home, knowing you weren't going to be there.
The beach is bitter now, but the memory is worse.
He doesn't know why he bothers to sit at the beach during the nighttime, perhaps it's in the hope that you'll reappear, or maybe the moon will send him a sign that you're safe somewhere her, and that the only part of you with Serelia is the skirt from the bloody frock he still has in his house.
It's peaceful at night, especially with the waves rolling in gently, and he imagines you're sitting on a rock somewhere, humming a sweet tune, causing trouble as you did so.
Anyone else would have been horrified with the confession, though, as he thinks about the damage that the people in the village have done to you, he wishes you'd flood the entire village and wipe it clean of all the scum in it.
At least then, even if he were to die in the flood, he'd die knowing that it was by your hand and no one else's.
And in his death, the man who he was held back from would also meet the same fate. That's all he's asking for.
Unsheathing the dagger in his belt, he drives it into the ground, dragging it through the grains of sand, taking his eyes from the sea to the deep line he's carved into the sand.
The throat of the Lord or Rhys would be better suited, though, he knows the fate awaiting him if he does something like that.
As he stares at the sand, the crunch of boots against the sand or the creak of a lantern behind him catching his attention though he doesn't turn his head; he knows the walking pattern well... he needs to get lighter on his feet if he's going to attempt to scare him.
'Thought I'd find ya 'ere, Lt,' says the man, walking beside him, not bothering to ask him if he can take a seat beside him. With a grunt, he lands on the ground, exhaling as he looks to the man sitting beside him. 'You've been comin' here since she left.'
'You spying on me?' Simon retorts.
'Seen you while on patrol, actually,' Johnny answers, 'difficult to miss, a big lump of coal you are,' he says with a chuckle, 'ya looked like you needed the company 'cause you've been keeping to yourself for months, and I know ye not typically a man of many words, but you've become a Ghost.'
He doesn't answer him, instead, he drivers his knife further into the sand.
'You gonna tell me what's actually going on, or are you gonna keep it a secret so no one can help you?' he asks, 'I've been thinking about the state of you the morning you nearly broke that kids neck, I've never seen you like that before.'
'You'll never see me like that again.'
'What did the death of that siren have to do with her leaving?'
His knuckles whiten around the knife.
'Kyle told us she was in a right state when Rhys got to the Station that morning. You forced him to keep everyone away from the cabin but the entire village heard her crying,' he explained, 'it was the talk of the town for days after.'
Looking at the man sitting beside him, he fights against the truth.
'The siren was what she was here for, wasn't she?' he asked.
Simon's breath gets caught in his throat.
'I've been goin' over it for weeks whenever I get a spare minute, the carry on out of her, her washing up on the shore out of the blue- not being able to remember the name of where her and her sister were goin' on that ship... none of that was true, was it?'
'No,' Simon answered, 'she told me when we found Serelia, we buried her and in the night she left... or someone took her,' he said.
'You think someone took her?'
'She was screamin' for the entire fuckin' village to hear, Johnny,' he snaps, letting go of the knife as he turns his attention back towards the ocean, 'anyone coulda heard her, including whoever killed Serelia. And I just keep goin' over it.'
He knows he'd never be able to forgive himself if such was confirmed, for what kind of protector would he be if he couldn't have stopped that monster from getting to you?
'What if she just... went back to the water?' he asks, 'that's where she belongs anyway, right? If she got a hold of the girl, she would have went back with her anyway.'
'She didn't say goodbye,' Simon utters.
'Maybe she didn't say goodbye because she knew you wouldn't be able to go,' he shrugs, 'if she woke you in the middle of the night and told you she had to go back home, would you have let her go?'
As he looks out onto the water, he contemplates his question, thinking back to the very night he lost you. He recalls the pair of you lying his bed, how you mumbled one last 'I love you' to him before leaving. Only, this time, you didn't leave without telling him. Instead, you look him dead in the eyes and tell him that you have to go.
Even debating the scenario in his head causes his heart to hurt.
'No...' he begins, his eyes narrowing as he keeps his eyes trained on the water.
It's difficult to see in the darkness, though, the light from the moon against the water highlights something bobbing closer and closer to the shore. Raising to his feet, Johnny looks up at him.
'You see that?' he asks, motioning over to the water.
The blob in the sea dips and raises with each wave rolling in, though with his mask and tired eyes, he's unsure if he's seeing something because it's there, or if his imagination is simply willing it to be sign he has been craving for the past couple of months.
'Aye,' he says, raising to his feet.
The pair stand idly staring at the bobbing blob.
'Whatever it is, it isn't alive,' says Johnny, watching as the man beside him shrugs off his cloak, untying the ribbon of his mask and pulling the balaclava off of his face, allowing it all to fall to the floor.
'Keep an eye on it for me, won't you?' Simon asks, looking over his shoulder, not bothering to wait for a response as he rushes into the water, heading directly towards the mysterious mass in the water.
Wading through the water, his pants grow heavier as his boots fill with water, though, he's uncaring as the water reaches his waist. The closer her gets to the body, the darker he finds the water grows.
'You know what it is yet?' calls the man on the shore.
Squinting, he reaches his hand out, placing his hand against the strange mass, pulling it over so he can see what it is.
Hollowed out eyes stare back at him, the sockets devoid of eye balls as he stares at the corpse a float in the water. It's intestines brush against his knee as though they have a life of their own.
The sight is brutal and in the darkness, he can't quite make out the feature of who the body is.
Grabbing the corpse under its armpits, he turns his head back to shore to see Johnny waiting with eager eyes to see what has been uncovered.
'It's a dead body!' Simon says with a grunt as he pulls the body through the water, leaving a trail of blood behind him as he drags it with him.
From behind him there's a slosh of water, the stammering breaths of the man appearing right beside him as he gawks at the corpse. He doesn't say anything, quite reserved for a man who is looking death in the eyes. Instead, he grabs its arm, helping Simon pull it to shore.
The heels of the corpse dig into the sand as he's pulled back to shore, the pair of them dropping him with a huff. Their clothes drip against the land as Johnny grabs the lantern he left beside Simon's masks and cloak, holding it over the body so the pair of them can grasp what it is they're dealing with.
The torso of the corpse is naked, the flesh of its stomach looking as though some sort of wild animal had gotten its hands on him. Only, its the intent of the cuts that tells him otherwise, his throat hangs open, exposing the top of his spine and vocal cords, loose flaps of skin blowing in the wind as the corpse leaks sea water and blood onto the sand.
As Simon moves his eyes up, he lets out a brittle exhale.
'This is one of the fellas who left on the ship today,' Johnny comments, looking to Simon who simply keeps his eyes glued to the chest of the man. 'Roland...' his words trail as he rips his eyes from off of the corpses face, all to see the very thing that Simon is staring at.
Johnny gulps.
'Your girl capable of doing that?' he says with a raised eyebrow.
In the bloody mess of the man, he finds exactly what he has been hoping to fine since he woke up that morning to find you were gone.
Of course, it could have been a shark attack- something other than the work of your hand, only, the confirmation of life is etched into the body as though it's a stone tablet or a tombstone.
Carved into the chest of the dead man is the word 'murderer'.
Simon smiles at the sight of the corpse, looking out onto the water.
'That's her,' he breathes, looking towards the moon, 'she's alive.'
＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ☾ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊
The thing is, with humans at least, they're fragile when it comes to pain.
When something seems out of the ordinary, they're inclined to shit themselves and become a crying blubbering mess, begging for mercy as though it is them who are innocent when they acted with the intent of taking another's life.
Even the strongest man cowers when they're forced to encounter something unknown, and you rejoice as you blood at the bloody man on his knees before you.
The curse of the moon never truly left you, still tied to the humans upon leaving the water, and while you have a prolific distaste for you can no longer join the sirens upon the rocks, it works well when the ship is driven into rocks and one of the men manage to scramble to the shore.
He thinks he's safe until you walk from out of the water.
The tides turn and the small smirk on his face disappears as he realises you do indeed have legs and can walk right up to him. Either way, he's a fool to possess such smugness, a song from the water would have drove him right back to you anyway.
'P- Please, please, please, I- I'm sorry, what do you want? I'll give you whatever you want, you want money?' he chokes out, holding his hands out in front of him.
The blood of his friend you plucked from off of the ship mingles with the sea water as he trembles in the cool breeze.
Some dry patches even stick to him, a clump of congealed blood sticking to one of his eyebrows. Trebling hands dig into his pockets as he holds out a handful of golden coins.
You think of Simon briefly, smiling to yourself as you recall the soup you attempted to made with the golden coins he had given you. How you basked in the light of his home eating the slop in the bowl, but none of that mattered because the pair of you had each other.
And then your mind falls to the dress he gifted you.
The dress you left on the bathroom floor, the dress you ripped to leave a piece of yourself with Serelia, the dress stained with her blood.
Raising your hand, you slap the money out of his hands, the coins landing with a hollow thud onto the sand of the a small cove. 'I don't want your money,' you snap, grabbing his shirt, pulling him to you with gritted teeth. 'I want you to answer my question, and if you dance around it, I'll cut you from gut to gullet and let the sharks eat the rest of you body.'
'Of course, o- of course, anything, I'll tell you anything you want to know,' shudders the man, tears flowing freely down his wrinkled face.
Edging closer to him, your face is right in front of his, you can smell the booze on his breath as he sniffles, looking at you doe eyes.
'Who killed the siren you captured?'
He looks at you, opening his mouth as he stumbles and trips over the words leaving his mouth. All attempts to form words are lost to the panic he works himself into as he attempts to think of an answer which will satisfy you, yet keep whoever is guilty safe.
Your grip grows tighter on his hair.
'I- I don't know, I don't know, I'm sorry,' he sobs, 'please- please—'
Shoving him back onto the ground, you turn away from him, clenching your fists.
'Bull-fucking-shit.'
His sobs simmer as you look back to the water, taking a moment to contemplate his response. And, you find that you don't like what he has to say, in fact, you fucking despise it because you know for a fact he is full of shit.
Turning sharply on your heel, you look at the man, taking a breath before bringing your hand across his face. He falls with a huff, his face pressing against the sand as he lets out another pitiful cry.
'Wrong answer, try again,' you demand, leaning over, grabbing a fistful of his greasy hair, pulling his head up. Your breath ghosts his ear as you speak through clenched teeth, 'who killed the siren?'
'I- I heard whispers around the village!' he blurts, 'they said that whoever it was was smart and no one suspects them of it... b- but I know it wasn't the man you murdered.'
You let go of his hair.
The only people who knew where Serelia was were the Guards of the village and you know Simon would never have done something so brutal. Price cares too much about his duty to do something so horrible, even though to him, you're sure her death was much more of an inconvenience then it was a heartbreak.
Your mind aches as you go down to Johnny and Gaz. Why would they do something so cruel? As much as you despise their kind, you struggle to see why they would bring harm to her. It wouldn't make sense- even Gaz told you he would have freed her if their hands were
And then your heart stops.
Confirmation is the one thing you have longed for since returning to the sea, the one thing your sisters have wanted for the longest time. You looks at you with wide eyes, stammering out whispers as you release your hold on him.
The entire time you thought she was safe, she was in the hands of her murderer.
Your self indulgence and brief romance cost her her life.
Placing your hand against your forehead, you pace back and forwards in front of the man.
'The boy who Price hired to make sure she was safe,' you mumble to yourself, wiping your face with your hand. How could you have been so blind? Word never got out about her being anywhere, he never went home that night... he disappeared and Gaz couldn't find him that morning.
He was getting rid of the evidence of his crime and he succeeded.
Walking down the sand, you ignore the calls of the man as you return to the water. There's nothing around, no land, no safety, simply just a small cove a lot of soldiers don't account for until it is, fortunately, too late.
'Hey! Hey! You can't leave me here!' screams the man as you walk further into the water. 'I'm going to die out here! There's nothing around here, please, I told you what you wanted, how some mercy.'
Stopping in your tracks, you exhale, peering over your shoulder.
'This is mercy,' you briefly answer before walking into the water, disappearing out of his view for good.
Even under the water his screams travel though you don't care to show any form of kindness as you move away.
He deserves his death for his attempted lie, and you also find anger bubbling for you know what you have to do because of his confession- something you have been escaping for a while.
＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ☾ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊
They work well on the side of the law, they stick to it as much as they can, though, when the pair of them shared a look while on the beach, they both knew what they had to do.
The breeze is gentle as the move the body further up the beach, occasionally turning their heads to look upwards in the direction for any sign of life as they do so.
Roland's intestines drag along the shore, his body leaking blood and water, leaving a gruesome trail behind the pair of them. Fortunately, the water will wash any trace of gore away and it will be as though he never existed in the first place.
'Why has she decided to pop up now?'
'First ship at sea for months,' he states, 'I'm surprised she hasn't tried to drag the entire village underwater with how torn she was.'
'What did you do with the girls body?' he asked, 'had Price choked up as he tried to explain to the Lord where the body disappeared off to, as far as he's concerned, there's no such thing as sirens cause he hasn't seen it with his own eyes.'
The old Lord is stubborn in his ways, that the pair of them know well enough not to bother questioning his reasonings. Upon his return, Simon recalls the look of upset when Price had to inform the man that they, as the guards of the village, failed at their duties. The body of the siren was nowhere to be seen, and he had to stand and watch as the Captain was subject to a brutal scolding, knowing well where the sirens body had disappeared off to.
It was unfair of him to do that, risking John's position all to keep the burial ground sacred and untouched, but he was still bruised and bleeding from the events that had taken place that night and the morning following.
All he can think about while standing in the room was the look on your face, how your bottom lip wobbled as you laid the fabric of your cherished dress upon the deceased girl, not bothering to consider your love for the item on your body, rather, the love you had for the woman lying in the ground.
Nothing was worth destroying that moment. Nothing.
'Buried it,' Simon answers, 'she's buried at the top of the cliff, just past the Lords house,' he says, setting the man down on the ground as they edge closer and closer to a small cove beneath the cliff, looking up at it.
'Lookin' over her home, ey?' Johnny asks with a small smile, 'her idea, I'm guessing.'
'It was mine, actually.'
'Didn't know y' were the sentimental type, Lt,' he comments with a smile, 'didn't know y' even had a heart.'
'I do,' Simon retorts.
'Really?'
'Yeah... a cold one.'
He doesn't miss the way the latter rolls his eyes.
'Wouldn't be sayin' that if she was here with you right now though, would ya?' he laughs, taking a breath before the pair of them continue to move the body. 'No, I can imagine y' now, all loved up. Thought of it makes me sick.'
Simon fights off the urge to scoff.
'Just say y' jealous, Johnny.'
'Oh, I am so jealous. I wish I had you to fall asleep to every night,' he whispers, his eyes moving from Simon to the body in their arms, 'cause, if that were the case, we'd be in bed right now, not carryin' a dead body, which your siren girlfriend mutilated, to hide it in a fuckin' cave,' he huffs, the darkness of the small cove swallowing the pair as they walked into it.
'These are typical activities for couples. We'd still be doin' it.'
Johnny doesn't bother to respond as the pair of them move further and further into the beast belly. 'Y' sure no kids gonna stumble across this corpse; he's gonna start to smell.'
'Tides rolling in tomorrow morning, not goin' back out until night,' Simon says, 'he'll be dragged back out to sea before anyone else gets to him.'
'Well, I hope y' right; if not, your girlfriends gonna be in a lot of trouble when the people in the village find out about this,' he says, finally relieving himself of the duty when he feels Simons hands slipping off of the body.
It lands in the wet sand of the cove with a wet splat, and the pair of them stare through the darkness, Johnny lifting his foot to find where exactly they placed the body.
'You think she's gonna come back?'
'Didn't dig her nails into him to for fun, Lt,' he answers, 'I reckon she'll show her face soon.'
Whether it is a few days, or even weeks, he doesn't care.
'I hope so.'
As long as you find your way back to him, the knowledge of you living is enough to soothe his weary eyes.
＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ☾ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊
The sisters of a siren are fierce and loyal, even when your tongue burns as you speak to them of the events which had happened during your time on land.
You suffered similar hardships to Serelia, at least, they're convinced you did.
So, as you address the group with blown eyes drawn to the surface, explaining your reasoning as to why you should tread the land, to go back into that village, you're hardly surprised when their looks change as they address you.
Motive is of importance and you wish to solve the case, to bring justice to the woman buried on the cliff edge.
But, selfishly, you're also wishing to bring justice to a man who you wronged.
'Return to land?' a voice barks, 'you will do no such thing; the last time one of us went on Land, her life was taken from her cruelly, I'm not allowing that to happen to you, not at all,' she continues.
You stare at her, looking around at the other disapproving faces which surround you. There's still a void where she would have sat and you feel your lips pulling down into a frown as you stare blankly at the space beside the woman who holds her pointer finger up at you.
'It's irresponsible, you'll get yourself killed if you do that.'
'I finally have confirmation of which human killed Serelia, Raithe,' you respond, rubbing your face as you turn your eyes from the empty space to the angered siren. 'I can kill him, I will kill him, but I need to be on land in order to do so.'
There's a brief silence between yourself and the ground and you feel your chest tightening as you observe all their faces. While stoic, you feel as though the sea is pressing all its weight down onto you in an unlawful attempt to drown you.
Though, in the eyes of unhappiness, you find that you would be thankful if the sea had such a mercy on you.
'I don't understand why we never lead the entire village into the sea,' another siren says, batting her blonde eyelashes as she looks at you, 'would've have gotten this over in a second. We kept our silence up in the first place because they never got as far as killing one of our own, but they captured her and held her as a prisoner- they held you as a prisoner too,' she continues, 'why are you showing them mercy? They deserve to drown for their crimes.'
You pale at the thought of committing such an act against the village.
'Because...' your words trail as you take a harsh breath, sinking further into the current, 'there are children in the village- that's not who we are.'
All of them raise their eyebrows in your direction and you feel small as they do so. Your shoulders touch the lobes of your ears as your entire body tenses.
'That not who you are, not anymore at least,' Raithe scoffs, narrowing her black eyes. 'You've gone soft.'
'No I haven't,' you refute, 'I- I just—'
'She's in love she is,' another speaks, pushing through the water, moving behind you to grab your shoulders. Pushing you closer to the group, her grip tightenings as she forces your neck to the side, the base of her nose ghosting your flesh as inhales your scent.
You freeze as she does so, the only saving thought being the fact that you haven't been held by Simon in months.
Her sharp nails press against the flesh on your stomach, her eyes narrowing as grabs your face, forcing you to look at her.
'Tainted, you are,' she says, 'look in her eyes, look how she moves, you're protecting the very humans that killed our sister,' she accuses, the looks on the others faces hardening in your direction.
'You don't want to go on land for revenge, you want to go and see whoever you were with during the time you were supposed to be searching for Serelia,' Raithe exclaims, 'you are just as much of a monster as those humans are, you wicked little witch!'
'No, no I'm not,' you quickly blurt.
'Then we flood the village; they're all guilty of murder because they helped take her in the first place,' answers the black-haired woman simply.
With beady eyes you look at her, and when a tight-lipped smile appears on her face, you feel the sudden urge to vomit.
You sense betrayal burning in their beings and have an overwhelming desperation to be away from them despite the ties of blood that keep you bound as sisters.
You're released from the hold of the siren behind you all for your face to be caught with the hand of Raithe. Keeping her webbed hand against your face, her grip tightens on you, nails digging into your cheeks as she grits her dagger-like teeth at you.
You squirm in an attempt to escape her hold, yet the only thing you achieve as you do such is forcing her nails deeper.
'You chose your side even before this meeting,' Raithe seethes, 'you chose it when you let Serelia die, you chose it when you lied to us because you are in love, Amalise is right,' she laughs, shaking her head. 'You love a human, how can you be so sure they wouldn't do what they did to you what their kind did to Serelia?'
'B- Because he isn't like that,' you cry, 'he isn't like that, he took care of me, he did everything he could to make me happy and he helped me bury Serelia.'
Your eyes grow wide as you realise the confession that accidentally slipped past your lips.
You don't miss the collective gasp, nor do you miss the feeling of Raithe's hold on you loosening, pulling away from you completely.
'You buried her?' Amalise asks, 'you buried her on land?' her tone raises as she clenches your fist.
'I couldn't have—'
You're struck with a razor sharp hand.
Her claws tear the flesh of your face as you're thrown through the current.
For a moment, you're much too dazed to realise what has happened until your grabbed by the throat.
'How fucking dare you!' Raithe screams, 'you lied to us a- and you buried her on land away from us so we cannot visit her? You are no siren, you are just as monstrous as those humans.'
Her fist tightens around your throat, specks of darkness appearing in your eyes as you attempt to pull her hand off of you. Your nails dig into her flesh, but she doesn't budge.
'You wish to be a human so bad, right? That's what you want, you're burdened by being one of us because if they knew, they would kill you because that's who they are.'
'N- No,' you choke out.
She edges closer to you.
'I don't believe you,' she utters, looking over her shoulder, 'I say she returns to the land, let her human have her,' she suggests, addressing the other sirens.
Much to your horror, they nod in agreement.
Raithe turns back to you, cocking her head to the side as she narrows her black eyes. 'You can be there to witness his death when we lead him to the sea,' she firmly says as you weakly writhe, blood pouring from the slash on your face, a tingling washing your entire body as your hands on her wrists falter and the world begins to grow dark.
'See if he still loves you with a ruined face.'
A final wretch escapes you before you're forced into darkness, leaving the world behind with the disapproving look of Raithe being the very last thing you see.
＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ☾ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊
Patrol around the village these is quiet, and while he enjoys the silence most of the time, he can't help but hate the silence he's plagued with as he's walking around the dark streets.
No matter where he walks he can never escape the sound of the crashing waves. Typically, he enjoys the sound of the water, of the gulls squawking as he passes by the beach, only, ever since uncovering the body of that sailor, he's found the sound only takes him back to the leaking body parts and hollow eyes.
In his time he has seen a lot, yet, that truly takes the cake.
It's for a good cause, Simon knows the implications of the siren attacks and if word got out to the village folk, it will sure be difficult to fix. Their silence has been in their favour as he hardly hears mentions of Serelia in the village anymore, yet, he knows the fear is still there for a lot of people.
Like a criminal, while on patrol, he cannot help but return to the scene of the crime, watchful eyes looking over the shore in search for blots of blood.
It's difficult to know why he is doing so; as far as he's concerned, no one knows what the pair of them did, and truthfully, if someone does stumble across the body, he is fine.
No one suspects a guard, the protector of all.
Sea foam coats the bottom of his boots as he mindlessly wanders further down the beach, his tired eyes looking up towards the moon sitting in the sky. Despite the clouds blocking any stars from his view, the moon makes sure to make her presence known.
If he weren't so tired, maybe he'd acknowledge the red tinge marking her surface.
'Hey you,' a voice hisses.
He stops, snapping his head to look around, his forehead wrinkling as he spies a woman a few meters away from him sitting in the water.
Upon first glance, he straightens his posture, preparing to scold the woman for being so careless, walking out into the water alone in the dead of the night.
Then, the water around her shifts as she lifts her tail up from out of the wind, the moonlight catching the green tinge of her scales.
'Bloody hell,' he blurts out under his breath.
Before him lies a woman with thick, long black hair.
She kicks her tail up, resting her arms around the ground as she stares up at him with wide, black eyes, offering him the best smile she can muster. Her teeth are as sharp as knives and she trails her tongue over the points of them as she grins.
'Come closer,' she requests.
'Ye gonna kill me, lassie,' he responds, 'I know ave got a fun haircut, but am not that stupid.'
The woman scoffs.
'I'm asking you nicely,' she sharply states, 'walk away and you'll be right back in the water with the sound of a song, so I advise you do what I'm asking of you and come closer.'
She grows as cold as the wind as she stares at him, her brows furrowing as she looks in his direction.
Goosebumps form on his skin, and while his head is telling him to do anything else, he relents to her demands, slowly moving closer to her.
The water touches his boots as she sighs, pushing herself off of her stomach, rolling the water with a bright grin, lifting her head to look at the man with a giggle.
'Oh, you listen so well, who would have thought a human would be obedient,' she chuckles, allowing her webbed hands to fall above her head, merely missing the edge of his boots. 'I've got something for you,' she claims.
'A death sentence, perhaps?'
'There was a girl in this village a while back... few months ago now, looked as you did, with your legs and your gill-less necks, but she wasn't true to you, nor your people for she was a siren.'
His eyebrows raise upon her words, and she laughs harder.
'Oh so now I've got your interest now... I don't suppose you're the lover she had while she was on land, are you?'
'Nae.'
'Do you know of the man who she loved?'
'Aye, he's my friend,' he says with a nod, 'you know where she is?'
'I have her with me, some of my friends are keeping hold of her,' she explains, 'but... we've been having a talk, you see, and she no longer views the ocean as her home, nor does she view us as her sisters; she has been tainted by your kind.'
Her face contorts in a horrific manner as she pokes at the tips of his boots. Though, he doesn't move, knowing better than to sacrifice the happiness of Simon for the sake of his own safety.
The man needs this- he needs you back.
'I'm a woman of morality and I am not going to force her to stay where she doesn't want to be, and quite frankly, she is no longer one of our own- rather a traitor to her own kind,' she says, sitting up from off of the ground, looking out at the sea, 'so, you can have her, let her seek out the man who she loves.'
Everything she's saying seems too good to be true.
As he looks away from the woman, two more heads appear above the water, though they are that of shadows as they move forward. As the move closer and closer, the black-haired woman reaches out with greedy hands, and from out of the water, she plucks you, pulling you up the shore with a grunt.
In the moonlight, he catches the brutal gash on your face, how you tale shimmers in the moonlight before it melts into the sand, dissipating in a crude shimmer as you're pushed to him.
'What have y' done to her?' he asks, rushing towards your unconscious form, shrugging his jacket from off of his shoulders, using it to cover you.
'She isn't dead,' answers the black-haired woman, 'that would have been too kind,' she barks out a laugh, watching as Johnny takes you into his arms, staggering backwards from her. 'No need to fear us,' she gently coos, 'at least, not yet.'
He doesn't care to listen a second longer as he looks down to the deep wound across your face, rushing across the beach towards the steps which lead back into the village, the cackle of the siren booming.
＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ☾ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊
Nighttime is quiet now.
Whenever he isn't working, he's only plagued with violent desires and ideas, tossing and turning on the sofa, curtains drawn so the moon cannot see him.
His feet hang off of the sofa, a dull ache in his spine as he lies in darkness, unable to sleep.
Tonight is particularly difficult as his heartbeat thumps against his chest and he finds himself tossing and turning at the very fact that, the night before, he got the confirmation he has been longing for for months.
You're alive.
Only, after a while of joy, he finds sadness lurks beneath the realisation as Johnny's point of you returning to the water very well may be true, meaning you left him willingly.
Your absence is cruel in that sense.
He's staring at his skull mask, slowly dozing off as the pounding sound of fists against his door tear him from his dazed state. They're eager, quick and desperate. If they knock any harder, they very well might knock the door down.
With a snarl on his face, he pulls back the thin sheet drawn over his body, marching up to the door. From beyond it, he hears pants for air, not missing a thick accent uttering, 'c'mon bonnie, you're fine, yeah?'
Immediately, he grabs the handle of the door, forcing it open with a hard pull.
The knocking stops as Johnny looks up at him with wild eyes, shoving past him with a body in his arms, rushing into the living room. For a moment, Simon keeps his eyes trained on the now empty spot where he was just standing, a short breath escaping him as he recalls the familiar colour of the hair.
Slowly, he closes the door, listening to the ragged breaths of the man, turning to him with his stomach in knots. He watches as you're placed down onto the couch, air escaping him as he notes the red stain in the mans white shirt as he turns his attention to him.
'It's her, Si',' he says.
Simon doesn't move.
'Some siren was sittin' on the beach, she gave her to me, said she'd betrayed her kind- that she's no better than us,' he explains, moving away from the sofa to the bookshelf, his hand patting along the wood in hopes of uncovering the box of matches he's spied a few times.
Moving over to the sofa, Simon reaches his hand out to you, resting it down on your shoulder. You're cold to the touch, the scent of sea water filling his nose as he hears the scrape of a match and the crackle of a wick.
An orange light is cast over your being as Johnny stands beside him with a candle in his hand.
From out of the darkness appears a crude claw-like mark on your cheek, blood dripping from the harsh gash down onto your bruised neck.
'What the fuck did they do to her?' he asks through gritted teeth, tearing at the fabric of his own shirt, kneeling down beside you, pressing the fabric against the cut on your face.
A noise escapes you when he does so, and he feels a heat bubbling in his stomach.
'You're okay, sweetheart,' he utters gently, keeping a firm pressure on the wound.
'I don't know,' Johnny answers, 'pulled her out of the water and gave 'er to me... said they don't want her anymore.'
Blood soaks into the fabric of his shirt as you stir.
A moan escapes your mouth, and as your eyes slowly open, you're aware of the agonising pain emitting from your cheek. Then follows the feeling of a familiar sofa, the sound of familiar voices and the warmth of a familiar hold.
Opening your eyes, you're greeted with the sight of Simon in the candle light.
Despite the bags under his eyes and the addition of a few pink scars on his face, he still looks as glorious as he did the night you left him.
'Simon?' you choke out at the sight of him.
You catch a shift in his eyes as he looks at you.
'I'm here, love,' he gently says, 'you're safe; I've got you.'
You can be there to witness his death when we lead him to the sea.
You hear her voice, her cruel tone, and the coldness of her words flood through your veins, fighting off any ounce of warmness from Simon's reassurances.
I shouldn't be here.
In the blink of an eye, you're sitting up and his hold is removed from off of your face as you scramble to the other side of the couch, wincing as a harsh dizziness floods your senses and the desire to vomit springs upon you.
'N- no, no, no,' you quickly say, lifting your head with narrow eyes, pulling the fabric of Johnny's coat against your bare body as you look at the two men with teary eyes. 'How... why, why am I here? How did you get me here?' you ask in a panicked tone.
Simon looks to Johnny and Johnny looks at you.
'There was a siren on the beach—'
'Who?' you snap, 'what colour was her hair?'
'Black... bonnie, are you okay? What happened?'
'I can't be here,' you ramble, 'they're gonna do something bad, they're gonna do it all because of me and- and I—'
You begin to cry.
'I can't be here, you've got to let me go,' you beg, attempting to raise to your feet, all for the dizziness to keep you down. 'Please, please!'
You feel as though the world is ending.
Unable to escape the horror of the words expressed, you fight against yourself and the urge to spill your guts all over the floor of the living room, your tears seeping into the wound on your face.
Simon moves closer to you, placing his hand against your knee, looking up at you with teary eyes.
Reaching out your hand, you rest it against his cheek as more tears flow freely, letting out a hiccup upon being graced with the warmth of his face.
'I'm sorry,' you cry.
Placing his hand over your own, he shushes you, 'we'll talk about it once you've told us what's happened, alright sweetheart?' he asks gently, 'what happened?'
His calmness in the face of horror is unnerving, and as you look in his eyes, you spy a darkness in his eyes. You wish to be in his arms, but your temper keeps you from fulfilling the urge as you press your trembling lips together, wincing as you swallow.
'They know,' you say, looking at Simon, 'they know about you,' you choke out, 't- they think I'm a traitor and they want you dead- they want to put the entire village to death for what happened to Serelia.'
His hold tightens on your hand.
'Why didn't you want the same as them?' Johnny asks, 'very well could have put the entire village under water if y' willed it.'
'Because there are people here who don't deserve to die,' you sniffle, 'there are innocent people here a- and it isn't fair to punish them for the violence of someone else's hand,' you explain, 'they're blinded by their rage, and if I were without experience, I would be too.'
You curse the part of you which still sympathises with the people who cast you out, though, you know enough to understand who the true villain is. Not the sirens, not the humans, rather, the ignorance of both sides refusing to see the perspective of the others.
And here you are, attempting to piece together a bridge.
The pair before you don't speak and you feel your heart beating quicker as you look into the eyes of the lover you abandoned many moons ago. You spy betrayal in his gaze, though his anger is not directed towards you.
'They're gonna lead the entire village underwater,' you breath, 'I don't know when they're going to do it and I don't know how to stop them when they finally do decide they want to do it,' you say, your eyes welling with tears.
'Oh love,' Simon exhales gently.
'We won't let anythin' happen, lass, y' have my word,' Johnny reassures.
You suppose he wants you to find comfort in his words, yet, his enthusiasm only works to bruise you further; you know there's nothing either of them can do, not against the call of a siren.
'I offered to go back on land,' you whisper, 'I told them I could do it; we finally got the name if the man who killed Serelia.'
'This have somethin' to do with the man y' massacred?' Johnny asks.
'I was following the ship because I recognised him,' you answer, recalling the tone he carried while talking about the man in front of you.
Even if he hadn't been responsible for helping in her capture, you still would have been taken from off of the boat.
'He was one of the people who carried Serelia off of the beach. He deserved what became of him.'
To regret would be to forgive, and you will never forgive a man who did something so terrible.
'We crashed the boat, all but one died, and I asked him if he knew who did it. He told me he didn't know who, but he had an idea of who did it; people around here know that whoever it was is close to the guard.'
Both Johnny and Simon share a look.
'Y' not saying you think it's one of us, are you?' Simon asks, to which you quickly shake your head.
'No, no, I know neither of you would do that- not even Kyle or Price would stoop that low... it's the one who was supposed to look after her, Si'. It was the one who told us she was dead that morning.'
The silence in the room is deafening.
Simon's hand moves away from yours as he slowly begins to stand up, his eyes falling back to the staircase. 'Rhys?' Johnny says, his eyes blown, 'he said he liked her.'
Your eyes stay on Simon's as he clenches his fists, the mellow look which has been on his face since he saw you melting off. Trailing his tongue across the inside of his mouth, you gulp thickly viewing his anger.
'I'm gonna fuckin' kill him,' he coldly says.
It's not a threat, rather, a promise.
Neither you or Johnny say anything, instead, the pair of you share a look before your eyes fall back to Simon who is already making his way out of the living room towards the staircase.
If you speak now, you fear the repercussions of stopping him from doing what he's set his mind on doing; while you never saw anything during your first time on land, you're not unknown to the truth of who he truly is.
'Simon,' you blurt out, unable to fight against your thoughts as you look up the stairs.
He stops in his tracks, heaving out a heavy breath before turning to you. You can hardly make him out in the dim light as he moves, devoid of all the light which makes his so ethereal.
Still, in the light or darkness, he's still the man who holds you heart.
'D- Don't act on that anger now,' you quietly say, 'the only way of saving the village from them is to give them what they want... if they want Rhys, they'll want him alive, and if they don't want me, then I'll stay here,' you say through a laboured breath.
Your heartaches at the thought of leaving your home, leaving the grave of your mother abandoned for all the others to swarm. But, if they so willingly cast you out, then, you suppose they were never truly family in the first place.
'Just... stay with me tonight, yeah?' you ask, 'don't want you to do something harsh when you're not thinking straight; he'll get what he deserves, just not tonight.'
You hear him shift as Johnny sets the lit candle down onto the stand beside the sofa. 'She's right, Lt, can't be doin' something that will keep you away from your bonnie; been away from each other long enough, hey?'
He moves away from the darkness, coming back into the light. You offer him a smile as he places his hand against your shoulder with a short nod. Placing your hand over his, you melt into his hold. Johnny looks at the pair of you with a smile on his face.
'We'll sort out a plan in the morning about what we'll do,' Simon says, 'figure out how we're gonna get him to the sirens, and if they agree with the deal, then we'll offer him up and forget this entire thing ever happened.'
'Aye,' Johnny says with a firm nod, approaching the door, 'make sure y' get her cleaned up, I'll meet the pair of you at the bakery tomorrow,' he continues, pulling the door open, looking over his shoulder at the pair of you.
Simon nods his head. 'Affirmative.'
As the man disappears into the night, the door closes with a click, and for the first time in months, you're finally alone with the man. You don't miss the breath that escapes him, in fact, you grow cold at the sound as his hand leaves your shoulder.
'Si'—'
'Need to get you cleaned up,' he abruptly says, 'we can talk about everything once I know you're okay, yeah? You need to get cleaned up before anything, c'mon.'
Your teeth sink into your bottom lip and you fight against the urge to defy his request. Though, recalling the grey bags under his eyes, you find you're raising from where you're sitting. As he said, you can talk about it later, and for now, you find yourself thankful that he simply wants to enjoy your company.
＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ☾ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊
'I'm sorry,' you whisper as soon as your head hits the pillow. Oddly, as you watch the man move in the moonlight, it's difficult to even process the fact that you have been gone for so long.
Your hair is slightly damp your bath, and while the wound on your face feels as though it has its own heartbeat, the dressing covering it keeps it from weeping freely.
'I just didn't know what to do, and- and I was so angry with myself and I didn't trust—'
'Your hand was forced, love,' Simon utters, laying on is side to look at you. 'I just wish you would have woke me up or left me a note- something to let me know that you were okay.'
Your heart drops at the thought of the months of misery he has suffered through by your hand.
Even though to you it seemed necessary, you know better than to impose your own views onto the man who was left wandering where you had disappeared off to for months on end.
Your absence was necessary yet cruel.
'I know, I know I should have and I'm sorry for not saying something to you,' you respond, reaching your hand out to grab his much larger one. He grabs your hand, wrapping his fingers around yours with a sigh. 'I wish I never left.'
'You did what you thought was right in the moment an' I'd be a prick for telling you you were in the wrong for doin' it,' mumbles the man, 'y' had to figure stuff out. All that matters now is that you're back.'
'I won't be goin' anywhere anytime soon if you're planning on staying with me,' you say, 'could kick me to the streets for everything I've put you through; I wouldn't blame you for doing it.'
'Wouldn't ever dream about it, sweetheart,' he says.
You watch as he scoffs before moving towards you, letting go of your hand to grasp your waist, pulling you towards him.
Shuffling closer, you smile as you press your lips against you, a flurry of butterflies swirling in your stomach a you feel his hand on your waist tighten.
All the months of pain melt in the matter of moments as the pair of you hold each other. It's as though the pair of you have been apart for multiple lives, plagued with the memory of each other, until eventually meeting again in this life.
Tears pool in your eyes, your hand pressing against the side of his face, snaking around to tug at his hair as he bites down on your bottom lip.
A muffled moan escapes you, trailing off into a whine when he pulls away from you. A trail of saliva keeps the pair of you connected as your eyes flicker from his mouth back to his eyes.
'I've missed you so much,' you confess, blinking back the tears as he smiles at you. 'So fucking much- there hasn't been a day I haven't thought about you.'
His hand against your waist loosens as he moves his hand under the white shirt he dressed you in, moving between your thighs.
'Missed you too,' he confesses, his index finger brushing over your clothes cunt with a sigh. 'Wanna show you how much I've missed you,' he utters, pressing the tip of his finger into against your clit.
You comply with a kiss, a small giggle escaping you as he pulls you on top of him. Hands sliding down your waist, you begin to undress, all for one of his hands to catch your wrist. 'Keep it on, sweetheart,' he rasps, 'like seein' you in my clothes.'
Colour rushes to your cheeks as you nod your head, hands gripping the waistband of his underwear, pulling them down.
There's no need for anything, the desire to feel him inside you after so many months obscuring any other sense of yours.
You need him and he needs you.
Tugging down his underwear, goosebumps form on your skin when you hear him grunt as you pull them further down his thighs, freeing his cock from his boxers. You sit for a moment, jumping when you feel his hands squeeze your hips.
'Spit in your hand, love,' he instructs.
You feel his eyes on you as you scrunch your nose up at the request.
'What?'
'Listen to me and I'll help you, yeah?' he asks, 'now spit in your hand.'
Your entire face is warm as you hold your hand out in front of your, spitting into it. 'Good girl,' he breaths, 'now wrap your hand around my cock.'
Listening to him, you reach out, wrapping your hand around him. He hisses as you do so, and you pause upon seeing his reaction, fearful that you've done something wrong. 'That's right,' he utters, as precum pools at the top of your fist as you feel him twitch in your hold, 'no more your hand up and down f'r me, love, get me ready for that pretty little cunt of yours.'
A sinful sound emits as you begin to move your hand up and down his cock, your slick hand moving up and down with ease. You feel his thighs tense below you as you move a hand between your legs, your mouth turning dry from the wetness pooling in your underwear.
'That's desperate, princess?' Simon grunts with a smile on his face. You feel the urge to wipe it off of his face, though, you nod your head in agreement, knowing better than to deny something you so desperately want. 'Pull your panties to the side,' he instructs, 'not touchin' that pussy of yours; you're gonna come from my cock an' nothin' else,' he gruffly says.
Letting go of his cock, you do at he asks of you, a small yelp escaping you as he pulls your forward, his cock pressing against you folds as he sighs.
There's a temperament, a desire lingering to keep you on top, though, as he looks at you with your swollen lips and red face, he relents, moving you so you're lying on your bak with him over you.
'Got plenty of time for all that,' he utters, pressing his tip against your hole.
You clench around nothing, shifting beneath him as he presses his lips against yours.
It's different from the last time, you see something different in his eyes as he pushes into you, the delightful sting from many moons ago returning. Arching your back off of the bed, your whimper against his mouth.
'That's it,' he whispers, 'oh fuck.'
Your legs tighten around his waist, a few stray tears escaping from your eyes. It's a mixture of pain, pleasure, and joy. To be back in his arms after so much time a part is a gift in itself, for him to want you back is another. Your mind is racing as you sniffle, pressing another kiss against his mouth.
'Y' okay, yeah, princess? So good f'r me,' he grunts, slowly pulling out of you. More tears fall down your face as you nod your head, your eyes screwed shut as he thrusts back into you. Clicking his tongue, he pushes into you with another grunt, 'eyes on me, sweet girl,' he huffs, 'haven't waited months for you and your pretty little cunt for you to not look at me, have I?'
You open your eyes.
'That's it, there's my pretty girl.'
You clench around him upon hearing his words, legs trembling as he quickens the pace of his thrusts. The head of his cock presses against your cervix and your arms home to his back, nails digging into the flesh of his back.
'I- I've missed you,' you choke out, unable to account for any other emotion as he fucks into you.
You're crying at this point, the tears on the right side of your face soaking into the dressing as he continues to his all the right spots, stretching you out perfectly.
He's ruined you for anyone else, though it doesn't matter; you know you'll never need anyone else when you have him.
'Missed you too, love,' he states through clenched to teeth , 'missed waking up to you and seeing you, but you're not gonna go anywhere now, you're mine.'
'I am, I am,' you dumbly cry, 'no one else's, all yours forever and ever.' 'm sorry for ever leaving you.'
Keeping himself steady with one hand, he brings his other hand to grab your forearm, pulling one of your arms away from his back, taking it into his hold. Your legs tighten around his waist as a crude squelch sounds in the room, h
'Fuck,' you gasp, your hole tightening around him.
'That’s right, love,' he groans, his lips ghosting over your shoulder, his words were low and sickeningly needy, 'you’re so fucking tight,' he moans, resulting in a hiccuped moan escaping you.
Both of you greedily take whatever pleasure came from your messy movements, sweat dropping down your forehead as you tighten you hold on his hand, writhing below him as he continues to hit the spot which has you seeing stars.
'Gonna make sure I'm always here,' you whisper letting out another breathy moan.
Simon maintains a pleasurable pace, a crude slapping sounding in his bedroom, though neither of you care, and through stinging eyes and aching muscles, you admire him in the light of the moon, taking into account all the flaws on his face, the remnants of mistreatment and burdens, swearing to yourself you will never left another pale scar appear on his body for as long as the pair of you live.
'Not gonna let you leave me now, sweetheart,' he begins, staring down at you, his fringe wet with sweat, stray strands sticking to his forehead. 'Gonna keep you safe, fuck,' he schemes, a subconscious smile forming on your face, listening to him speak. 'Make sure y' never want for anything, only me.'
He growls such words with intent and possessiveness, and in the heat of the moment, you're convinced you need no one but him.
And as the tension in your stomach grows tighter, the brunet hit a spot which almost makes you scream, you drag your hand down his back, leaving lines of red behind as you do so. 'And you'll let me do all of that f'r you,' he chuckles.
'I would,' you whimper, 'fuck, I'm close, please,' you beg, as your thighs begin to tremble, you grip on his hand tightening as you press your head back against the pillow.
'Go on, sweetheart,' he says, 'cum for me.'
He winces slightly as he feels your nails press crescents into his skin, his pace growing messy and sporadic as he chases after his own release.
Squeezing your eyes shut, you let out a brittle sob as an orgasm rips through your body.
'Fuck, that's it, sweetheart' he moans, 'I love you,' he grunts out, pressing into your, your cunt against his pubic bone as his hands tremble.
You barely compute the words passing his lips, and in the daze of your release, you continue to cry as he fucks you despite you being overstimulated, a dark groan escaping from the back of his throat as you feel strings of cum paint your insides.
'I- I love you too, so much,' you sniffle, your head falling against the pillow in exhaustion, finding joy in his hold of you and the pleasure which has washed over your body, rendering all your sense his.
Little worries find you in the aftermath, the pair of you much too tired to discuss what can wait for you in the morning, and the only thing that matters to you in the wake of your orgasm is his body being pressed against yours as you slowly drift off knowing that, even if it is just for tonight, you're secure in his hold.
Here, you find a single moment is comparable to an eternity of touches.
＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ☾ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊
In the morning, you find yourself sitting outside of the bakery with the ugly green dress you grew to despise during your first time out of the shore, and as you sit beside Simon tugging at the skirt, you startle when he firmly tugs it down, placing his hand down on your thigh, over the skirt to keep in place.
He does so without even turning his attention to you, and even when you turn to offer him a brief look, he doesn't move, keeping his eyes trained on Johnny as he sips from his mug of tea.
'Kyle said he saw another one,' says the man with the mohawk, 'seems they're waiting near the shore for something to happen, or, they're planning on making their move a lot soon than we thought.'
Your face aches as you chew, gulping your pastry down before speaking. 'They wouldn't act so quickly,' you say, 'they want me to get a taste of this before they take it away; when Raithe is angry, she's unforgiving.'
'That's the lass I saw on the beach, right?' Johnny asks, 'the one with the black hair an' teeth as sharp as daggers.'
'Yeah, she's the one who did this to me,' you say, pointing towards the fingerprints around your neck and the clean dressing stuck to your face. Taking a bite out of your pastry, Simon leans further into the table, keeping his hand pressed firmly against your thigh.
'I've put him on patrol tonight,' he says quietly, 'we'll get him alone, call for them to have him and then that will be the end of it.'
'Y' really think it's gonna be that easy?' Johnny asks, 'they seem pretty pissed, don't think they'd really leave us alone that easily.'
'There's nothing else we can do,' you say, 'unless you wanna go into the water and pull them all out one by one and put a knife through their heads, that is.'
Simon's grip on your thigh tightens.
'Cut their tongue out and throw them back into the water if they try anythin',' he cooly states, 'can't sing then, become nothin' but a fish with claws, hardly a threat. They can suffer for all I care.'
Something stirs in your gut as he says so, and while you feel as though you need to keep the women you devoted your life to, you find yourself torn with the desire of seeing the man being so lethal- of seeing how far he would go to keep you safe.
'Sounds like a plan, Lt,' Johnny responds, 'this stayin' between us?'
'Affirmative,' Simon confirms, 'Gaz an' Price don't need to know about it 'cause it'll only cause more trouble if the Captain finds out about it; he won't let us do it.'
'Then we do it tonight, get rid of him and wipe our hands of him,' you say with a grin, 'about time that son of a bitch got what he deserves.'
＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ☾ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊
In the midst of the night, you travel down the steps of the shore alone keeping your eyes peeled as you tread down the shore towards the sand. Your hands tremble in the breeze as you feet grace the sand, te rolling of the tide whispering for your return.
You stay unmoved by the moon and her red glow as you push forward towards the sea, holding your hand against your face as it aches.
All the smiling proved to be particularly poor for the placement of the mark on your face, though you push through the pain, you lips drawn together as you peer onto the surface of the water.
'I thought you'd return,' a voice calls.
You freeze.
As a wave washes up shore, the webbed hands of a woman appear, dragging her body out of the water. Her claws dig into the surface, her pointed ears twitching upon seeing you.
'You not bring your boyfriend with you?' she pouts, tilting her head to the side, 'would have been nice, y'know, meeting the family and stuff.'
'I'm not here to make small talk,' you sharply respond.
Raithe looks at you, raising her eyebrows as she looks at you.
'Oh?' she laughs, 'then please enlighten me.'
'I'm here to make a deal with you,' you breath, bringing your trembling hands together.
One shot or you've fucked it.
The woman's laughter booms along the sea as she rolls around on the ground, clapping her hands. 'Oh, you wanna make a deal with me now? It's a real shame what's become of you, y'know? If I didn't know any better, I'd say that boyfriend of yours has some explaining to do.'
Her comments cause your blood to boil, yet, you remain calm, looking her in the eyes. 'We have the boy who killed Serelia,' you say, clenching your fists, keeping your arms firmly placed against your side as the woman hums. 'We'll give you him and you can do what you please, forbid me the pleasure of getting to rip him to shreds for what he did to her and leave this village alone.'
'A generous offer you pose my lovely,' Raithe hums, pressing her finger against her plush bottom lip. 'You got anything else to sweeten the deal or is that it?'
'I'll never return to the ocean,' you say. 'I'll stay away, stay here on land. You can do what you please as long as it remains in the ocean and not beyond it; you know nature did not give us such a gift to act in the manner you intend to act concerning the people in this village.'
You step back from the shore, keeping the water from touching your feet.
'How is that fair?' Raithe asks, furrowing her eyebrows. 'You get to stay here and live out your life with the human you have foolishly devoted your life to while we're kept from Serelia because you buried her on land.'
'By staying here you are keeping me from the grave of my mother, Raithe,' you spit, "I know you're upset, but I have been punished enough. I'm giving you what you want- you want to kill the person who killed Serelia, don't you?'
Raithe's grin disappears from her face.
'You've been scheming so long you forget who the true murderer is. If I wanted to kill the person who killed Serelia, I would have slit your fucking throat,' she snaps, 'a human dealt the final blow but you are just as guilty for permitting it.'
'I was looking for her,' you blurt.
'If you were so committed to finding her, she would be here beside me right now, but she isn't; she's buried on the land, away from her home.'
'Simon helped me bury her on the clifftop!' you yell, chest raising and falling rapidly. 'She overlooking our home and it was him who came up with the idea in the first place- there are good humans—'
'Simon,' she repeats, 'slips off the tongue that name does.'
Your heart is pounding in your chest as you look at the wicked woman in the water. Her mocking grin renders you small, fragile, and you realise your mistake in mentioning the name of the man.
'I must see the man you speak of, see if he's a good match for you or if you could do better. Perhaps he would be a good friend for the water, hm?' she teased, bowing her head as another chuckle escapes her.
The crunch of sand alerts the pair of you, and as you look over your shoulder, you catch both Simon and Johnny walking along the shore, Rhys in the middle of them as he fights against their hold with his hands tied in front of him.
A delighted squeal escapes the woman lying in the sand as she catches sight of the tall man in the skull mask. 'Oh, I've seen you!' she exclaims, 'sitting on the beach a lot, hey? One might say you belong in the water with the amount of time you've spent here.'
'Shut it,' you snap, turning your attention to the three men standing behind you.
When your eyes meet with Rhys' you find you heart urges you to disobey the terms of your own deal, ripping him from the arms of the men, all to have the satisfaction of watching him crying and fight as he drowns in an inch of water.
Yet, even that isn't fitting for him.
His cries are muffled behind the gag in his mouth and Johnny does you the favour of pulling it out of his mouth. As he opens his mouth, he looks at you with wide eyes. 'I- I fuckin' knew it!" he exclaims, 'I knew I wasn't dreaming when I saw you run into the sea that night.'
'You killed Serelia,' you snap, crossing your arms over your chest.
'Didn't think it was that difficult to figure out,' he says, 'no one else knew where she was... well, not until you had your screaming and crying fit outside the cabin; that was a—'
He's stopped as Simon shoves him to the ground. He lands with a thud, all the air escaping his lung as he moans out in pain. Placing his boot on top of the mans head, his face is pressed into the wet sand as he turns to address the woman in the water.
'We got y' the one you want,' he sharply says, 'you take him and you leave.'
'Or?' the woman asks,.
'I cut your tongue out and feed it to the dogs in the village,' he snaps.
Rhys' cries are muffled as Raithe looks Simon in the eyes. Your eye twitches at the prolonged silence, though, when she whistles you find your nerves escaping you.
'A few months ago, you would have had his head for speaking to one of your own like that,' Raithe sneers looking at you, 'but love has your mind warped, my sweet urchin, yes it does,' she scoffs, her eyes narrowing as she turns her attention down towards the water. 'You have yourself a deal, Simon,' she says with a smile.
Relieving his boot from the head of the sobbing man on the ground, Rhys picks his head up, fat tears rolling down his face as he writhes on the ground, attempting to push himself up off of the ground. 'P- Please, I'm sorry,' he sobs, snot trailing down his upper lip as more heads appear from out of the water.
You're far from envious of his position when his shoulders are grabbed. Though, you long to be in the water for what is about to happen.
His screams are hoarse and rough as he's ripped from his home, and as you walk back to stand beside Johnny and Simon. Rhys claws and fights to stay on land as Raithe pulls him further and further towards the water.
Other webbed hands appear and the shrill shriek the man lets out is cut off by a hand covering his mouth as he's dragged into the water.
Upon his disappearance, you allow a breath to escape your mouth as you lean against Simon, rubbing your tired eyes. For months you have dreamt of this very moment, the moment the man who caused so much trouble is finally met with the punishment he deserves, and when his hand breaks the surface of the water again, you grin at the sight of the sea turning red, chunks of his clothing surfacing.
As savage as sharks are the sirens.
'It's done,' you mumble, turning away from the scene.
Simon looks down at you, 'you wanna go home?' he asks.
You nod your head, as the three of you begin to walk up the beach, your blood running cold as a familiar cackle catches your attention, though, you do not turn to address the woman. Instead, you catch Simon's hand in yours pushing further up the beach as Raithe calls out to the three of you.
'Lovely meeting ya, Simon! Hope to see you again some other time!'
His hold on your hand tightens just as it had done during the night before as you walk away from the sea with him by your side, never intending to let go of him ever again.
＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ☾ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊
It's as though you never left him, and every waking moment you spend with him is a blessing. How a human can be a home is a strange concept to you, though, its an oddity that you're fond of.
'Are you gonna eat your dinner or are you going to keep staring at me, sweetheart?' asks the man with a laugh.
Dropping your head, you look down at the plate of food you helped him prepare, your cheeks flushing with colour.
The wound left by your absence is but a wilting scab at this point, the skin beneath unmarked by the actions of your past for the pair of you have an understanding of you where your loyalties lie, and as you pick your head back up to look at him, you understand that your loyalties lie with one another.
'I don't know,' you mumble, 'difficult to take my eyes off of you.'
He grunts at your words, picking his fork up from the side of his plate. 'Your foods going to get cold,' he warns.
You pick your fork up, rolling your eyes, 'you're no fun.'
He lets out a short laugh, 'of course not, love. Got a job to stick to after all.'
'Not while you're with me you don't,' you say.
'Once a siren, always a siren,' he comments.
Setting your fork down, you grab a boiled potato off of your plate, throwing it at him. Unfortunately, he's aware of your plot and manages to duck of of the way before it hits him.
A small laugh escapes you as you're quick to push your chair out, raising to your feet as he does the same. A squeal escapes you are you rush out of the kitchen into the living room with him hot on your trail.
Sprinting up the steps to his bedroom, you shriek as he grabs you and pulls you against his chest. 'Let me gooooo,' you whine, writhing in his hold, 'it was an accident, it slipped out of my hand I was literally about to eat it!'
You land on the bed with a thud, continuing to laugh as he looms over you, his forehead pressed against yours as you look up at him with a bright smile on your face.
'You've got to believe me.'
'You picked it up and you threw it at me,' he answers back, 'I know y' clumsy, sweetheart, but fuck me, are you really that bad?' he asks, pressing his forehead against yours.
Bringing your hands up, you hold either side of his face, looking into his eyes with a sigh. 'I love you,' you say, abandoning the joke the pair of you were tangled in. His stoic expression shatters as he smiles down at you, placing a chaste kiss on your lips.
'I love you too,' he utters, before placing his lips back on yours.
In the safety of his arms and his home, you live in high spirits as you know, even when the four walls and the roof are not there to shelter you from a storm, the man with his lips against yours and a hand under your skirt will always be there for you whenever you need him.
Selfishly, you hope he's there forever and ever all for you and only you as you cherish every single part of him.
The regrets from your actions in the past remain on you in the form of the scar on your cheek, though, he sees you no different as he watches your naked body dripping with sweat in the confines of your bedroom, even when you're simply sitting in the library reading a book.
All the time his eyes are on you as though you're the only girl in the world and in return, he knows that you're eyes remain on him and only him.
'You're gonna be the death of me,' he breathes, as you shift, feeling his fingers pressed against your hole.
A smirk appears on your lips.
'Only if it's by your hand I die and no one else's.'
＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ☾ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊
'Simon.'
In the dead of night he wakes to the faint sound of a whisper.
It's something calling for him, a song which shakes the very vibrations of his home, and as he opens his eyes, he captures you sleeping soundly beside him, though, he doesn't care for you as he pushes himself up and out of bed.
His headaches and he wobbles as he climbs from out of his bed. It's as though his body is on autopilot, permitting whatever strange force is pushing him to proceed with his usual routine as he gets up from out of bed.
He walks as though he's a monster, devoid of all consciousness, his limps sluggish and flimsy as he pulls on his clothes for work. You don't move and inwardly, he's unsure why he's doing so; the moon is out, full and round as she peers through the open window, and he knows it's still going to be a while before he has to leave for work.
Still, the urge pushes him to get ready for the day, and he reaches for the skull mask settled against the table near the window of his bedroom, tying it around his head.
You remain sleeping in bed as he moves downstairs, determined to find the noise which causes his head to pound. It feels as though someone is pressing their fingers into his head all to see which part of the brain bleeds the most.
The answer is all of it, though the voice continues to pick away at his skull with such persistence he's rendered aggravated as he walks through the door.
His entire body is on fire as he treads the streets he was walked so many times, though his feet drag against the roads of the silent village, arms firmly pressed against his sides as he presses on with tired eyes and a dry mouth.
The voice changes its tune, no longer calling his name, istead, speaking words.
'Foolish mortal men.'
In a conscious state he would be questioning the words addressed to him in such a manner, he would be questioning why he walks with the intent of making it to the water, and he would be returning back to his home with an ache in his chest for ever thinking of leaving you alone.
But he doesn't.
Instead, he drags his feet with determination coursing through his veins.
To the ocean he must go; the voice is calling him and he cannot fight against the words bouncing off of the streets of the village.
'Sinking into the watery depths of the...'
It grows tired as he edges closer to the water, the crashing of the water flooding his ears, coaxing his burning mind with a brief cure. t's not enough, however, his mouth is dry and his tongue burns, eyes longing for the fiery thirst to subside.
His entire body feels as though it's on fire, and the sea stares back at him, water washing up the shore as the arms of a human would when offering a friend a hug.
Something else is staring too.
'Sirens den.'
The voice is oh so soft, almost a whisper as he makes it onto the beach. The village seems so puny in comparison to the greatness of the vast ocean and he wonders why he ever bothered living on land when the ocean i right her at his fingertips.
Shrugging his cloak from off of his shoulders, he releases himself from the burden of the confines of that stupid cloak, the balaclava from around his mouth falling to the ground after.
It all feels so freeing, to fall under the command of the great sea, to see the beauty in the very thing he has despised for so long. Such an outlook is a blessing, he finds.
It's necessary. It's constant.
He is nothing in comparison of the ocean and her greatness.
No one is anything but flesh and bone existing in one place at one time while she is there, her arms wrapped around the entirety of the planet.
How foolish he has been.
'For a woman in the sea,'
He thinks of you and all you have done for him, how you have freed him, though he finds you and your existence pale in existence of te water which invites him in with open arms.
At first, you were difficult to deal with, untrusting.
But she isn't, she guides him and she's leading him to safety- to the place he belongs. Such a blessing she presents him with and everything you have done for him is nothing as she cools his burning flesh.
It's better than any orgasm he has reached while in bed with you, so inviting that he proceeds to walk into the water deeper. Nothing is enough, her presence is too little. He needs more of her to settle the dull ache in his head and he wades through the water with the intent of finding such.
'is never just a friend.'
The tune stops.
Suddenly, the sea is no longer in his favour and he's turned away with a cold rush of water covering him.
A sharp gasp escapes him as he looks around him, the water up to his waist, waves crashing against his bulky frame as he looks around with stinging eyes. His blood runs cold as he turns his attention back to the village. Then his eyes fall back onto the water.
He knows better than to trust the situation, wasting no time to turn away from the distant abyss of the water, pushing himself through the water all to make it back to land.
To make it back to you.
The depth of the water is relieved, sinking from his waist to mid thigh.
A grunt escapes him as a surge of agony hits him with the fierce intent of keeping him from getting home and he lands with a splash into the water as razor sharp nails are pulled from out of his his thigh.
'Unfaithful scum,' utters a voice as hands from all angles poke from out the water, grabbing him as he attempts to fight his way from out of their hold.
They're merciless as the hold him and keep him to the water while his heart and mind long to be back in bed beside you. He fights and fights, though in his drowsy state he's far too out of it to do anything.
'She's better off without you, Simon.'
＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ☾ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊
You awake in bed alone, a banging at the door ruining your brain. However, you don't let it distract you as you spend a moment looking at the empty spot in the bed with a frown.
It's miserable to wake without him in the morning as you have grown fond of spending time with him, lying in bed, drawing patterns on his bare chest, listening to his many stories, or simply just basking in the heat of him.
The bed is cold without him and you shiver as you push yourself up, scoffing at the manic knocks against the door. It's persistent, nearly urgent. You pick up the pace, wrapping Simon's shirt around you as you rush down the stairs to the front door.
Grabbing the handle you pull it open, 'about fuckin' time, Si', you're—'
'What?' you blurt out, looking at Johnny and Gaz standing at the door, 'he's at the station, isn't he?'
The pair of them look at each other before looking at you.
'Nae, lass,' Johnny says, his mouth falling as he looks at you. 'We've been looking for him.'
Your blood runs cold.
He's probably with the Lord or something, it wouldn't be the first time he's be asked for a favour by him.
'Where have you checked?' you ask, quickly slipping on your sandals.
'We've been up and down all the streets to his usual spots, we've even checked the Lords house and he hasn't seen him either... this isn't like him,' Kyle explains, 'he's committed to his job, he wouldn't just not show up and—'
'Have you checked the beach?' you blurt.
Both of them shake their heads and with that, you're running out of the house, rushing to towards the beach.
A wave of panic washes over you, and as you rush down the main street of the village with teary eyes, you feel as though you're rushing to Serelia all over again, only, this time, Simon isn't behind you to comfort you.
People blurt out curses as you push yourself through the crowds, bounding towards the beach just as you did when you returned all those months ago.
Your chest burns by the time you make it to the steps, and as you run down, you stop at the sight of a black mound on the shore. Gulping thickly, you rush towards the pile of fabric, reaching down to retrieve it with a trembling hand.
It's his cloak.
Tearing your eyes away from it, you look down the rest of the beach, dropping the fabric as you follow a scattered trail of belongings. You pass by his balaclava which has been covered in sand.
The wind beats against you, pushing your hair back as you fight for your breath. There are pieces of him covering the beach, just as Serelia's scales covered the floor in the room of that dingy little cabin.
All hope is crushed as, right beside the water you spy a small chunk of bone sitting in the sand. You don't wait as you rush towards the water, spying the shape of his skull mask sitting right before the mercy of the water.
It's as though you're in a nightmare you cannot wake from.
You can't breathe.
As the realisation hits you and the skull mask sitting on the shore stares back at you, you fall to your knees, your wide as you look out at the murky sea, falling onto your stomach at your fingertips ghost the skull sitting against the shore.
A jagged breath escapes you as you pull your hand away, unable to catch your breath as you fall backwards onto you bottom, hands pressed against the sand. Rushed steps appear behind you, though you don't budge, nor do you flinch as a firm hand is placed on your shoulder.
Johnny appears in front of you, his mouths muffled as a tear slips from your twitching eye, staring out into the water all to see Raithe staring at you in the distance, a wicked from forming on her face as she pulls a skull mask from out of the water, holding it up by the silk string he used to tie it around his head with.
Your eyes fall back to the skull sitting on the surface, you breathing quickening at you turn your head to the side, heaving as a cold numbness floods your sense. Your tremble as you force out a sob, your throat tightening.
The skull meters away from you is not his mask.
It's him.
𝙼𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝
TAGS: (If you would like to be added to the tag list let me know!) @forever-twenty-two-years-old @phantomreadsandreblogs @iizx7y
#call of duty#cod#ghost x you#simon ghost riley#simon ghost x reader#simon riley#simon riley x you#mw2#cod mw2#cod au#task force 141#cod mwii#ghost simon riley#ghost cod#ghost x reader#ghost x reader smut#ghost x reader angst#simon riley smut#simon riley x reader#simon riley x y/n#ghost call of duty#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost x you#simon ghost smut#simon ghost riley x reader#siren au#alternate universe#manicrouge
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takane and shintaros post str codependency is making me insane because theyre both way too emotionally attached to each other and want to beat each other up so bad at the same time. they were all the other had for the longest time and have such a raw unspoken understanding of each other and literally goes insane they remove my brain function and the way you characterize them is so real
NO LITERALLY THEYVE BEEN IN MY FUCKING BRAIN FOR WEEKS AND WEEKS . their feelings for each other are the same and also completely different bc shintaro was takane's entire life and purpose while shintaro didnt KNOW it was even takane so he has to reconcile with that fact and OUGH the i can fix him/i guess i can let her fix me dynamic. they cannot live without each other and its so so so unhealthy and messed up .
ok but relationship therapy for shintaro and takane. and also ayano and haruka are here (haruka organized it) the therapists like i seriously dont fucking understand whos dating who and haruka's like THATS THE FUCKING PROBLEM sry im so insane abt shintaro bringing insanity to harutaka and takane bringing (even more than they already have) insanity to shinaya.
haruka's literally the ONLy one on the fucking loop of whats happening bc ayanos like. she's got so many issues of her own and her relationship with shintaros a mess as well so its not like shes got the emotional tools to do something other than be sad abt it. i think if ayanos the one to say anything she still shields behind haruka like HARUKA ALSO THINKS ITS MESSED UP RIGHT HARUKA? RIGHT RIGHT? PLEAAASE HELP MY CASE and harukas like COME ON. but yeah haruka calling takane out but hes so soft abt it it takes takane like a fucking minute to realise wait are we having a....fight and harukas like i GUESS and takanes like ooooh. ohhhhhhhh thats not good.
haruka tries to be understanding bc IT IS understandable that theyre like this but hes like is it too much to fucking ask that takane stops canceling on me all the damn time. and shintaro is so comfortable with just trusting on takane for everything bc hes like she's so pathetic abt wanting to know whats going on with me and she is THE ONE who saw me at my worst so who else would i turn to lol like takanes more comfortable for him. otherwise whats he supposed to do. open up to a whole new person. hes terrified of the outcome of having someone else(ayano) know him that way.
anyways haruka works on it with takane bc he's like drilling into its head the whole thing and takanes more and more aware of it as it goes on and then sort of has to make the choice to have this sort of messed up break up without dating with shintaro. also maybe around the same time shintaro breaks up with ayano for reals in case uve read my shinaya post. shintaro just got dumped x2 and turns to haruka in his emotional breakdown and since haruka responds not mean spirited or angry at him at all, but kinda tells him u brought it upon yourself like ive been telling u abt this for months so shintaro gets angry at him bc he resorts to being irrational BC HE JUST GOT DUMPEDX2 COME ON so to harukas hes like OHHH SO ITS UR FAULT UVE ALWAYS BEEN JEALOUS OF ME AND TAKANE LIKE EVEN IN HS and harukas like wow. im gonna walk away now. but shintaro to takane is like but ayano just left me?? and this is an issue for haruka too??? maybe we should just be together???RIGHT??? and takanes like WOOOOOOOOOOOW HARUKA WAS RIGHT THIS IS RLY FUCKING WEIRD so now things are weird between haruka and shintaro x2 because he just essentially asked takane to breakup with him. shintaro sort of tries blaming his breakup with ayano solely on what happened with takane when in reality theres just so many other things and its so messy
its a yuukei quartet messy fallout baby. it is so fucking funny.
for ayanos part i think she sorta shuts down for a bit while she seeks help in therapy and stuff and shintaros like spiraling so hes more difficult and for takane its SUPER SUPER hard to not run to shintaro seeing him like That so haruka has to keep her grounded but its not like things are super great between them either bc takanes like shaking with anxiety and haruka feels so guilty and has no one to ask advice to so hes not sure if he did the right thing or not. basically ayanos in therapy keeping distance shintaros sort of having a tough falling back to old habits (goes neet for like a month) and harutaka are trying to work on their relationship lol. thru it all the dans also around so theyre especially of help with ayano and shintaro's episodes.
sorry like this is funny to me ofc they all make up like they come around. shintaro and ayano get back together. shintaro and takane talk to each other like normal people and maybe hug and cry a little bit. haruka wants to sleep for like 2 days.
they make up so its FINE thats why to me this is comedy central like is it not super funny come on. but a little post str misery arc for shintaro there
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mac i am so sorry to enter ur inbox with more qsmp but oh my god. qcellbit update. so he talked to bagi. his sister. he still doesn't remember her. he still needs time to process everything but she said she's waited fifteen years so she can wait a few more days. i'm crying and sobbing rn. also he doesn't even fucking remember what he did to get thrown in prison, all he knows is that he was killing people to survive one day and another he was behind bars. i'm UNWELL!!! he got called in to talk to cucurucho (the fuckin THING that's kind of the federation mascot and it tortured cellbit with a chainsaw months ago FUCK CUCURUCHO ALL MY HOMIES HATE CUCURUCHO) and he was just. fucking tired. yesterday he messed with the feds quite publicly and cucurucho questioned him about it and he said "i don't care what you do to me, you can torture me, i don't care. i just want my family back, i want a future with them. just give me peace. let me rest." HE SOUNDED SO FUCKING TIRED. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE WAS SAYING UNTIL SOMEONE POSTED A TRANSLATION BUT HE SOUNDED SO SO SAD. AND NOW CELLBIT HIMSELF IS GOING TO TWITCHCON SO QCELLBIT IS TAKING A WEEK LONG DEPRESSION NAP. MAC CAN U HEAR ME. I'M UNWELL. I'M LOSING IT. THIS IS ME RN
anyway. hows ur day. i might go watch some steven universe bc i have been meaning 2 rewatch it (or adventure time!!!! one of the two for sure) take a short break from binge watching hannibal 2 watch a silly funny cartoon :3 also still trying to make my way thru marble hornets again it's just such an insane series 2 rewatch u know but i'm getting there!!! sorry i am just currently lying on the floor in my brain thinking about qsmp i had 2 tell u what happened 2 ur blorbo in law today
NEVER APOLOGIZE TO ME ABOUT PUTTING STUFF IN MY INBOX I LOVE GETTING MAIL I LOVE LEARNING THROUGH OSMOSIS I LOVE LISTENING 2 PPL TALK ATBT THINGS THEY LOVE
that sounss aboslutely DEVASTATING btw. oh my god. so the whole thing is like.. she remembers him but he doesnt remember her ?? GODDDD thats so upsetting. im glad hes getting 2 take a nap even if it is a depression one sigh. oh man oh man i love this.
my day was! good i think! i have not had a day to reat since my whole job shadow debacle last week so im kimd of running on fumes BUT . i have off work tmw so im gonna get a haircut and feel all good about everything. and maybe work on some art bc im now caught up to my pre prepped invertober images and i have a couple other time sensitive things like that. ougah. we keep truckin. ive got a huge backlog of youtube videos to watch from last week + beginning of this week i cannot Wait to get thru those and also watch more adventure time !! bc i have offically gotten to Stakes (a marcelone centric mini series) and it is one of my favorite eras ever. i love you vampire lore!!!
#im like... skooo tired rn. i dont have ANY more words left in me.#but like i also dont want 2 sleep yet#i didnt shower this morning bc our gas lines have been down for like 3 days and we ran out of hot water#BUT theyre back up now. but also its like 11pm and my family is asleep and i dont want to wake them up#but i feel soooooo gross and greasy#+ my hair is at that point where its like. Uncomfortably Long. getting back into oh fuck i look like a girl territory. eugh#but its FINE bc im getting it CUT tomorrow. my favorite place had one (1) opening tomotrow afternoon so i snatched that shit up RIGHT away#uhhh what else. i watched some scary movies today those r always fun.#every day i yearn to be a) a man covered in blood or b) a vampire bite victim but like in a fun homoerotic way#those two things are not mutually exclusive but you know what i mean. i need 2 look like will graham#asks#friends!!!#anachronistic-falsehood#i am also revisiting an old blorbo rn and the nostalgia is hitting sooooo badly#i will not name this blorbo bc im not into public humiliation like that but ohh my god. favoritest guy ever.#fundamentally changed my life type character.#category 7 insane person moment. we stay silly !!!#im like. sooooo sleepy and rambly but also i feel a little bit like an oyster rn
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ive been meaning to post for a while, but time keeps alluding me. lots of things do these days
im not quite sure how prayer works, if im being honest. never have. to be fair, id have to say i really dont understand how religion works either. i used to pray as a child for snow days until my mother caught me and scolded me. i think she thought i was wasting his time. that he has better things to do than grant stupid insignificant wishes of a little girl
i wonder what my mother would think—what the church goers would think—if they knew how i used to pray for god to kill me; to take me in my sleep. how i was too much of a coward to do it myself. how i sobbed myself to sleep and begged.
i called my mother over a month ago to—as one does—complain about life. how i told her that life seemingly hadnt gotten better since 2019. how it had all been going downhill since then and when was it going to get good again. she told me that was how the world worked. that this is how life was. to which i said, “then i dont want to live.”
and she scoffed. she told me to stop being dramatic. i have no doubt that she remembers the night i screamed at her and my dad how much i wanted to die. or the night when i walked into the bathroom after taking half a bottle of benadryl and whispering to her how i had a secret but she couldn’t be mad. how she waited in the drs office next to me for hours while i was shaking and crying. she couldn’t forget it. she probably just wishes she could.
besides she has other stuff to deal with: shitty people from my hometown, her bosses, my father. i can’t tell if on the surface i blame my parents for everything while deep down i know they tried their best or vice versa. i dont know if i truly believe the latter is true or not.
i believe i wrote a bit ago about how my mother had mentioned so nonchalantly that my grandpa has prostate cancer. i had been on the phone with her again the other day when she was about to hang up and said, “oh by the way your grandma has breast cancer”
“oh by the way your aunt and uncle might get divorced”
“oh by the way i caught your father (finally) smoking weed”
“oh by the way your father is going back to inpatient”
“oh by the way our daughter fucking died.”
see mother. i know what dramatic is; i can do dramatic.
the moral of the story is not that im going to do something stupid tonight. or in the near future most likely, so don’t you worry yourselves silly, pornbots. its that here i am again, almost two months later, and i can fucking hear it. its so clear. the sobs. and the screaming. the water, oh god.
i drove myself home today and i probably shouldnt have because i couldnt see and i couldnt really think. and a good majority of the ride home all i could think about is how it would feel to have my head bashed in. what it would look like. i thought about tetris for a bit, but i dont like the game at all.
i have a fever and i cannot blame my body. i, too, am working overtime just desperately trying to make ends meet, in more way than one. i wish my Mom was here. not gretchen, but Mom. someone to wrap me in a blanket and hold me and stroke my hair and put on a stupid cold war documentary and buy me pasta and shush me until i stop crying and reassure me every once in a while that she loves me so much. she wouldnt leave me the night after i tried to kill myself, wouldnt ask me to pull it together with red bloody arms.
im so tired playing both roles.
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Finally got around to typing up my Technoblade D&D build!!! I’ve been working on making these for a lot of the Dream SMP characters, and I thought it would be fun to have him in stat block format, so you too can throw c!Technoblade at your players as a final boss! (Disclaimer: I don’t know how accurate the CR level is, I just set it to 8 since the build is a lv8 build PC build.)
Image description and explanation/rambling below the cut!
[Image ID: A D&D stat block for Technoblade. It reads:
Technoblade
Medium humanoid (firbolg), Lawful Neutral
Armor Class: 18 (Half plate, defense fighting style)
Hit Points: 72 (8d12+24)
Speed: 40 ft.
STR: 18 (+4)
DEX: 14 (+2)
CON: 16 (+3)
INT: 14 (+2)
WIS: 13 (+1)
CHA: 6 (-2)
Saving Throws: Str +7, Con +6
Skills: Athletics +7, Intimidation +1, Perception +4, Survival +4
Damage Resistances: bludgeoning, piercing, slashing
Senses: passive Perception 14
Languages: Common, Elvish, Giant, Goblin
Challenge: 8 (3,900 XP)
Innate spellcasting. Technoblade's innate spellcasting ability is Wisdom (spell save DC 12). He can innately cast the following spells, requiring no material components:
1/short rest each: detect magic, disguise self
Speech of beast and leaf. Technoblade has the ability to communicate in a limited manner with beasts and plants. They can understand the meaning of his words, though he has no special ability to understand them in return. He has advantage on all Charisma checks he makes to influence them.
Powerful build. Technoblade counts as one size larger when determining his carrying capacity and the weight he can push, drag, or lift.
Unarmoured defense. When not wearing any armour, Technoblade's defense equals 15. He can use a shield and still gain this benefit.
Reckless. At the start of his turn, Technoblade can gain advantage on all melee weapon attack rolls he makes during that turn, but attack rolls against him have advantage until the start of his next turn.
Great weapon master. When Technoblade scores a critical hit with a melee weapon or reduces a creature to 0 hit points with one, he can make one melee weapon attack as a bonus action. Additionally, before Technoblade makes a melee weapon attack with a heavy weapon that he is proficient with, he can choose to take a -5 penalty to the attack roll. If the attack hits, he adds +10 to the attack's damage.
Warrior of the Gods. If a spell, such as Raise Dead, has the sole effect of restoring Technoblade to life (but not undeath), the caster doesn't need material components to cast the spell on Technoblade.
Divine fury. While Technoblade is raging, the first creature he hits on each of his turns with a weapon attack takes extra necrotic damage equal to 1d6 + 3.
Action surge (1/rest). Technoblade takes one additional action on his turn.
Combat superiority (4/rest). Technoblade can apply the following maneuvers using his four superiority die (d8s):
Feinting attack: Technoblade expends one superiority die and uses a bonus action on his turn to feint, choosing one creature within 5 feet of his as his target. He has advantage on his next attack roll against that creature before the end of his turn. If that attack hits, add the superiority die to the attack's damage roll.
Menacing attack: When Technoblade hits a creature with a weapon attack, he can expend one superiority die to attempt to frighten the target. He adds the superiority die to the attack's damage roll, and the target must make a Wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, it is frightened of him until the end of his next turn.
Trip attack: When Technoblade hits a creature with a weapon attack, he can expend one superiority die to attempt to knock the target down. He adds the superiority die to the attack's damage roll, and if the target is Large or smaller, it must make a Strength saving throw (DC 15). On a failed save, he knocks the target prone.ActionsHidden step (1/rest).
As a bonus action, Technoblade can magically turn invisible until the start of his next turn or until he attacks, makes a damage roll, or forces someone to make a saving throw.
Greatsword. Melee Weapon Attack: +7 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 11 (2d6 + 4) slashing damage.
Heavy Crossbow. Ranged Weapon Attack: +5 to hit, range 100/400 ft., one target. Hit: 7 (1d10 + 2) piercing damage.
Multiattack. Technoblade can make 2 weapon attacks.
Rage (4/day). As a bonus action, Technoblade enters a rage that lasts for 1 minute, ending early if knocked unconscious or if Technoblade's turn ends and he hasn't attacked a hostile creature since his last turn or taken damage since then. He can also end his rage on his turn as a bonus action. While raging, Technoblade deals +2 damage, has advantage on Strength checks and Strength saving throws, and has resistance to bludgeoning, piercing and slashing damage. Technoblade cannot cast spells during a rage.
End ID.]
Okay. Rambling time.
Holy SHIT I loved making this. I tend to play spellcasters or dex based characters, so it was a lot of fun to make a str character for once.
Stats first. As a barbarian/fighter and also as a force of nature, str is his highest stat. I could have made it 20, but I have a weird aversion to writing up characters with maxed out stats for some reason? Anyway, that’s what he has. He can always boost it if he takes another level in fighter. I also decided to give him pretty high intelligence and wisdom, which are rare in barbarian characters, since, y’know, their main point is to hit things very hard. But Techno is so, SO resourceful, and one of the main reasons that he’s so good at fighting is because he does his research and acquires the best items for it and puts himself in the right place at the right time. Hence the high-ish int. I feel a little bad making his charisma so low, but cha represents several things, most notably the ability to talk to people and force of personality. Also known as: how hard it is to be swayed or controlled, magically or otherwise. Remember what happened at the festival? That’s low charisma. Also I had to give him a low stat to balance the fact that he’s insanely good at so many fucking things. Why.
As a side note, when picking his proficiencies, I was using the homebrew rule that you can use your strength modifier when you roll for intimidation. So his Strength (Intimidation) check would actually have a +7, which is MUCH better than the Charisma (Intimidation) check of +1. Big strong characters are absolutely scary, damnit, and I will die on that hill.
Next up: race. I HAD to make him a firbolg. They’re connected with nature and are often portrayed with animalistic features (e.g. Caduceus Clay from Critical Role), and it means we can have both pig Techno and anime Techno, since firbolgs naturally have the disguise self spell. I just think that’s neat. They also get the ability to turn invisible! Which Techno has been doing a LOT recently! Sure, firbolgs can only do it for a turn, but it still fits.
Onto classes. Barbarian was a dead certain for Techno, honestly - his battle prowess, how he acts when he fights, it just fits so well. Even his use of potions - he gets a lot of buffs from them, increased damage and damage resistance being the two most notable and the two that best translate to D&D rage. Even speed potions - barbarians get +10ft movement speed at level 5. And barbarians are made for two-handed weapons, so obviously I HAD to give him a greatsword. The Orphan Obliterator is a deadly weapon. He also still favours swords even when axes are better in the newest version, so a greatsword was a must. Also I just really like greatswords.
I wavered a bit when picking a subclass, to be honest. I’m not really a big fan of any of the official subclasses (they don’t really fir my playstyle, which is why I homebrewed an entire new subclass for my barbarian character, but that’s a post for another day), but looking through, there were a few that could work. Originally, I picked Juggernaut - this was because of how he fought during the Dream battle, moving Dream around the arena into a more advantageous position for Techno, which is the Juggernaut’s 3rd level ability in a nutshell. They also can’t be knocked prone, and both of these things work INCREDIBLY well for skywars/bedwars style combat - staying put on this island and knocking off your opponents.
However, in the end, I decided to go with Zealot. It was inevitable after he REALLY started building his character on the Dream SMP, which is what this is mostly based on. Zealots have two main points: they follow a God, and it’s very, VERY hard to kill them.
Sound familiar?
Techno isn’t just a barbarian - he also has three levels of Battlemaster fighter. The barbarian/fighter combo is one of the best there is for sheer combat power (bested only, in my opinion, by barbarian/moon druid - those characters are actually unkillable) and the choice of Battlemaster specifically opened up so many options in combat. I had debated going with champion, just for the crit probability boost, but ultimately decided that Battlemaster was infinitely more fun. The three maneuvers were picked for a combination of reasons - they’re all incredibly useful in combat, but I also just thought they were thematically accurate and/or funny. I just had to give him Menacing Attack, because one of the few constants in Technoblade’s combat is people running the hell away from him during competitions. Feinting is for pure combat ability, and Trip is just. Really funny to me. It worked better when he was Juggernaut and literally couldn’t be knocked prone, but I just like the idea of someone using their full action to try and knock over this eight foot tall firbolg (they’re so fucking tall! This bitch is massive!) Technoblade just. Looking down at them before knocking them clean off of their feet with one swing of his Greatsword.
And finally, weapons and magical items. The magic ones didn’t actually make it onto the stat block, because I wanted it to be purely basic character building, but I absolutely had some ideas. Some of these were rolled on loot tables, some were completely homebrewed to fit Techno’s canon weapons. Guess which ones lmao.
magical heavy crossbow (use charge to fire 3 bolts simultaneously, using only one arrow, rolling an attack for each. Each target must be within 10ft of each other. 7 charges per day)
explosive bolts (10ft radius, double dice of the weapon it’s fired from, dex save)
mithral half-plate
ring of feather falling
trident of flight (attunement) (30ft swim and flight speed, 120ft flight speed when its raining)
upgraded cape of the mountebank (8 charges, 2 for misty step, 4 for dimension door) (yes it looks like his normal cape)
bag of holding
sword of life-stealing (attunement) (I don’t know why I added this except Techno’s canon sword would be VERY hard to homebrew and also he can do enough damage with a normal one so he could literally just have like a +2 or something. Do what you want)
#candy posts#dream smp#technoblade#dnd#dream smp dnd builds#ive been working on these fucking things for MONTHS i cannot wait to post more#i have dreams stat block made too and i have a lot of other builds finished that i just havent typed up yet lol
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lee taeyong. | angel of death. [iii]
summary. you’re a witness to the attempted assassination of the most prominent mafia gang in neo city… it looks like you’re the only one too far out of your depth.
pairing. y/n x nct’s taeyong, y/n x nct’s yuta (platonic)
genre. mafia!au, strangers to lovers!au
word count. 5k.
[five part series]
part I | part II | part III | part iv | part v
warnings. fem!reader, blood, lots of swearing, descriptions of guns, violence, death, more flirty taeyong, annoying little brother haechan, angst :D, not proofread yet! other things may be considered triggering in this fic so please do not read if it is not for you, thanks!
taglist. @ncteaxhoe @n0average @theworld-accordingtocasey @ne0yong
(please just reply to this post if you wanna join the taglist! thanks <3)
|—————|
YUTA WAS PLANNING to leave for at least a week. Even after he returned to Neo City, he would even need to stay longer. Months at least. It was for business, he said. Yuta had to find one of the snitches they had linked to be in Tokyo.
“Squeak, I already don’t want to leave you alone. Don’t make this more difficult for me than it already is.”
When you stayed despondent, Yuta sighed, head hung low as he leaned heavily on the counter.
“I can’t bring you to Japan and I can’t stay here. I won’t put you in danger for no reason either so just...” Yuta waited for anything from you but you couldn’t bring yourself to speak.
“Y/N, just fucking look at me, please.”
You were a child. A helpless child that constantly needed someone to care for them. It was how everyone was treating you and they were right to do so. You felt like glass, just about ready to shatter at any moment. So tethered to your small sense of home that if it left for a few days, you would fall apart and never be put back together again.
It can’t be like this forever. It was better to do something now.
You looked up, stone-faced. “I’m going home.”
Yuta huffed, throwing his head back in frustration. “You’re not going anywhere Y/N—”
“No, I’m fucking going home, that’s what I’m doing. I need my things, I need my apartment, I need my toothbrush and my bed—”
Yuta watched with an exasperated look as you stood up stoically, heading to the door with no hesitation. He goes to follow you as he argued, “Squeak, don’t be ridiculous! We’ve been through this, you cannot—”
You whipped your head around, eyes furious. “Don’t tell me what to do! I don’t give a shit anymore, I’m leaving!”
“They’ll kill you, Y/N! What the fuck do you not understand about that—”
“Who?” You pushed at Yuta’s chest once he goes to grab your forearm, “Who the fuck wants to go after me? I don’t know who they are and I didn’t know shit before you grabbed me last night and took me to whatever that fucking base was! Doyoung said they had searched my apartment and did a search on me already! They would’ve known that I was harmless… I would’ve been fine!”
Yuta roughly swallowed as he stopped, listening to you. “I would have been fucking fine. If I hadn’t gone with you, I would’ve been fine. If I hadn’t been working that night, I would’ve been fine. If I didn’t start working at the Chain... I would’ve been fine.”
“Don’t say it—”
“If I hadn't met you, I would’ve been fine.” You breathed out, exhausted from everything. You just wanted this to stop. You wanted it all to stop. To stand still, go back in time, rewind, and bring everything old back to the present. You wished you hadn't been so greedy with the wage with the Chain and had listened to your gut instinct more. Trusted the instinct that where you were working would just bring you trouble, that sleeping with Yuta and getting involved with him was trouble.
Yuta’s hurt face gave you the outlet you needed to be satisfied. The tinge of guilt was nothing compared to the release you wanted— the release you got in return for going through this shit.
You become brave, maybe even delusional as you step closer to Yuta, head tilted up to meet his conflicted gaze.
“What am I to you, Yuta? Is that why they want me so bad? Am I just a fucking pawn in this game? A treasure to trade?”
He opened his mouth to say something— anything, but nothing came out.
“Come on, what am I to you?! A friend? Lover? Burden, obligation?”
“I just… care! I care about you enough to want to keep you safe. Is that such a crime?!” Yuta yelled.
You stepped back. “Is it enough to go through all this to keep me here?”
Yuta took a stuttering breath, swiping the hair falling into your face out of the way. “Yes.”
You knew your next words would hurt him beyond repair, so you didn’t say anything. Instead, you just shook your head and accepted Yuta’s embrace. Let him feel this same sense of peace before...
You couldn’t stay here forever. You won’t subject yourself to that. To hell with whoever wants to hurt you. If they’ve been watching you close enough, then they should know that whatever you have with Yuta will be gone soon enough.
And if they catch you… so be it. If they want information so bad, they won’t get it because you hardly have any. If they want to use you as a trade…
Well, you pray that Yuta has enough sense to let go at that point. Like he had said last night before everything in your life went to hell... you could still play the part of a wolf in sheep’s wool.
|—————|
When Yuta had kissed your forehead goodbye for his flight, you mustered up a smile and wished him luck. You pray that you seemed as normal as you could be in that situation. You tried the same with Jungwoo as well, ate with him, and then sat in the living room, pretending to space out as you looked at the view. He eventually went to his office to work on whatever. But in your head, the planning had begun.
You knew it would be harder than you thought to get past Jungwoo, potential guards, and the gate of the apartment. So you think quickly and find a backpack that Yuta had in his closet, dumping all the contents out onto the closet floor two days after Yuta leaves. Hopefully, Jungwoo had the impression you were doing nothing in those days of just lying around.
The sight of a handgun slipping out of the bag should’ve made you flinch but it didn’t. And it didn’t faze you as you grabbed it either, putting it into the back waistband of your jeans, beneath your loose shirt.
After that, you began taking all the food you could from the fridge, including all the pre-packaged sandwiches and bottles of water steadily, at most two of each a day. It was enough for around two weeks before cash was needed. You didn’t want to go back to your old stealing days as a teenager but it might have to do later on down the road.
Then, you looked all around the penthouse cautiously every day, looking for an emergency escape. It was too risky to think that Jungwoo would willingly let you use his thumbprint to work the elevator. If you used the gun, you had a good feeling he would outmatch you and get the weapon out of your hands quickly. The emergency door would be loud, but it would bring you down to floor level easily enough.
Then, the problem was the gate and the guards. If there were many guards in the first place. From what you could see from the penthouse windows, the gate was electric and opened by a button somewhere, presumably on ground level. Climbing it was impossible obviously since you ran the risk of being electrocuted but was everyone in strict enough order to not hurt you? If so, you seemed invincible... or at least protected enough to not die from trying to leave.
You hated how much you didn’t know but you had to leave before Yuta returned. By the time you had gotten everything set, Yuta was set to come back in two days. You couldn’t bet on the fact that you would find a way to open the gate by yourself before Jungwoo could reach you so the daytime would have to do, where you had a better chance at having someone be on the ground floor, controlling the gate to the apartment building.
Doubt about everything was starting to eat up your mind and you knew if you waited long enough for a perfect time to do it, you would psych yourself out from leaving. It was all or nothing right now. You had to.
On a regular Friday afternoon, you grabbed a pen and a piece of paper you found lying around in a drawer, writing to Yuta and Jungwoo respectfully. Hopefully, they would take your words into consideration. You knew that Yuta eventually would.
It was time.
After stuffing more essentials into the bag, you took a deep breath in front of the emergency door.
No more hiding. There’s nothing to lose.
With that replaying in the back of your head, you pushed on the door, the loud blaring and red lights drowning out the sounds of Jungwoo’s loud shouts above you.
|—————|
You’re out of breath once you get down to the ground level, having to run down two dozen floors a workout. The adrenaline flowing through your veins is what keeps you going.
Taking the gun out from the back of your waistband, you yank the door open and point the gun forward with both hands. A guard in padded black comes around the corner quickly enough, mirroring your position.
“Ma’am, put the gun down. This isn’t the way to do this.” He calmly says, slowly walking closer to you. You can hardly hear him over the sirens. Jungwoo is talking to him over his walkie-talkie.
“This is the only way to do this actually. So just open up the gates for me and I’ll be on my way.”
The guard shakes his head once, his calm state irritating you.
“I can’t let you do that.”
“I’ll shoot you.” You warn, but the guard isn’t convinced. If anything, he becomes more relaxed and lowers his gun. He lifts his arms, the gun loose in his right hand.
“I don’t think you’ll do that.”
“Well, I don’t think you know how serious I am.”
You barely catch Jungwoo say not to underestimate you just as you fire near his head, the pullback from the gun almost making you stumble backward. The bullet grazes his shoulder, going through the walky-talky strapped to his body and also dropping the gun from his grip. You rush him, grabbing the gun from his vicinity on the floor and gesturing for him to start moving.
Helpless and angry that you got your way, he walks slowly to the desk to press the gate button. He hesitates to open the gates and as a result, you shoot near his feet.
“Do it! I’m not fucking around!”
“Alright, alright!” The guard yells, pressing the button. Knowing Jungwoo is just behind you, you force the guard into a closet, block the door, and then you’re on the way out. The gates are slowly opening as you run to the entrance. You’re halfway down the long driveway when the gates stop widening, instead closing.
Looking back, you know that Jungwoo is there, having pressed the button again in an attempt to stop you. He’s now chasing after you with a slight limp and it encourages you to speed up. Barely squeezing through the gates when you reach them, you don’t bother to look behind you but hear Jungwoo bang on the metal bars in frustration.
It would only be a matter of time before he sent people out to look for you. You had to get distance in before he could do so.
|—————|
Your day was gone in a blur. You had to walk down to semi-busy streets after what felt like hours of running to catch a cab. From there, the destination was the outskirts of Neo City. It was as far as you could go with cash in one day and you didn’t want to dig into that pile too quickly.
By midnight, you had found a motel and settled down uneasily. The whole day was spent with your eyes constantly scouring your environment, looking over your shoulder for anybody out to get you.
Closing the curtains and bolting the motel door shut did nothing to help your paranoia. Out of the safety of Yuta’s penthouse, you were all on your own. The thoughts of returning just to keep this suffocating feeling away were choking but you couldn’t let yourself give up.
It’ll ease away soon with time. Things always do… You try to convince yourself of this anyway.
A deep sigh escaped your set of lips and you fell back onto the stiff motel bed. The sheets were so scratchy compared to Yuta’s silk one. At least it was a bed though. You were extremely thankful for that.
Every thought that began to fill your mind had you more anxious. After a full day of being caught up in just surviving; just making sure you were constantly in motion and never stopping, finally it started to hit you how hard this whole thing would be.
If Yuta really wanted to find you, you don’t doubt that he could with a snap of his fingers. It was just a matter of time before Jungwoo would come knocking at the cheap wooden door separating you from the cold night air.
You could imagine what Yuta’s reaction would’ve been when Jungwoo told him you had run away. Both of them would likely ignore the message you had left but… you didn’t want to completely cross the possibility off. Perhaps they could respect your wishes for a while.
You needed time to… heal. If that was possible enough.
The Chain’s open space of poker tables and lounge chairs fill your head once more when your eyes close. Stained surfaces of red flicker behind your eyelids.
Flinching, you get up quickly with the bed. Perhaps a shower would help.
Stripping off your shirt and jeans felt good. You were covered in sweat, the exercise of running across the city evident from the grimy surface of sheen on your skin. Turning the water on so hot, it felt like it could burn your skin right off, you hop into the shower and breathed in deep.
Steam clouded the bathroom and your mind. You wished so badly for your head to turn off.
Halfway through your shampoo, a bump in the bedroom freezes your motions of rubbing the soap in. Turning the water louder, you wrap the towel hung on the wall slowly around your body, gently picking up the gun you laid on the counter earlier.
Pressing your ear against the door, there’s silence. It was better that you knew for sure. You had to; it would just eat at your unconsciousness if you didn’t.
You snap the lock out of the bathroom door as quickly as you could, pointing the gun out. Your heart sinks, managing to skyrocket your blood pressure.
Long fingers wave, Taeyong’s irritatingly shiny leather shoes sparkling from the dull bathroom lighting.
“Hi, darling.”
Chest caving in shudders, you heavily lean against the doorway. You knew it wasn’t smart to close your eyes on Taeyong but you couldn’t help it. Why couldn’t this nightmare end?
“Please don’t tell me you thought this whole escapade was going to work?” Taeyong mocks, voice drawling.
The smart words that die to come out of your mouth don’t seem worth it. Instead, you clench your jaw tight, praying to whatever being above that this was a play in your head. If you opened your eyes, just now the voice and image before you would disappear.
Taeyong gets up, his suit rustling getting you to snap your eyes back open. The muscles in your body tense, his shoes which would usually clack, softened by the patterned carpet beneath your feet.
His presence overcrowds you, despite how lean Taeyong was. Delicate fingers touch the nuzzle on the gun, pressing it down slowly.
“You’re not going to shoot me,” Taeyong’s chin points out, smirk brushed over his pink lips so easily, “No matter how much I know you want to.”
Swallowing, Taeyong steps closer, twirling a string of wet hair framing your face. Shivers run down your spine.
He steps away, only after he leaves an imprint of his warm breath against your cheeks, grinning as he does so.
Dropping the gun on the bed, you blink away the heat under your skin. “You have no idea how much I do.”
Taeyong settles on the bed as he chuckles, running a fingertip down the barrel of the weapon. “You’re impressive with it. Your grip isn’t bad; aim could be better though.”
Of course, he had seen your escape. You should have known that already.
“Come to drag me back to the penthouse?” You lift an eyebrow.
Taeyong’s eyes crinkle but no humor is behind the expression. “I told Yuta that you were his responsibility before I let you off the hook several days ago.”
You cross your arms defensively. “Well, I’m not anymore. So tell me what you’re here for.”
Catching the way Taeyong’s eyes flicker at your chest, the heat returns under your skin by tenfold. When you stand up straighter, arms wrapping tighter around your torso in insecurity of your current state, Taeyong answers.
“I want you to keep in contact with me.”
The crease between your brows furrow. “Why? Why do you need me at all?”
“Because you’re the only person that’s interacted with the man that could be behind what happened at the Chain. I’m not going to stop searching until I find the son of a bitch.”
Taking a deep breath, you look to your feet, dragging a toe through the thick carpet. “Am I ever going to stop doing all this?”
“If you want this to all end, then your cooperation would do the trick quicker.” As you look up, Taeyong quirks the corner of his mouth.
“If you leave me alone after all this, then… yes.”
“We have a deal then?”
You double-back, thinking. “Will you… keep him from seeing me?”
Taeyong scoffs, a smile gracing his sharp face. “Trouble in paradise?”
You’re feeling particularly brave, despite surrendering your only way of defending yourself laid beside Taeyong. It felt good to know you had a little something over the man before you for once.
“You irritate me.”
Rolling his eyes, Taeyong nods. “Lover boy will stay away. I promise.”
Squinting, you try to study the mysterious man before you. “Surely you don’t think I actually will take your word on promises?”
“That’s fair. No promises. Just business. That better?” He lifts a hand to shake and you inch closer, nervous.
“You contact me when you need my help and… you keep Yuta from finding me?”
“I’ll even be gracious and give you an allowance for your runaway, hm?”
Swallowing roughly, you grip his fingers, shaking them once before going to step away. Taeyong doesn’t allow it though, pulling you between his thighs. It’s instinct that makes you plant a hand on his shoulders to steady yourself, the towel slipping slightly at his jerk to bring you into him.
He breathes hot up to you, eyes glaring into yours. “You try anything on me, Squeak, and I will kill you. For real this time ‘round. Understood?”
Shaking, you nod. It doesn’t satisfy him enough.
“Let me hear you say it, doll.”
“Yes, I understand.”
“Good.” Taeyong’s thumb brushes against the back of your calf before his fingers loosen around your palm, letting you go.
Scattering to the opposite side of the room, you clutch the towel tighter around you once more.
“See you soon, darling.” Taeyong winks, and you call out, “How will you contact me?”
His gaze settles on a flip phone laid on the bedside table and you see it, nodding sharply.
“Pick up the phone when I call, huh?” Taeyong mutters, slamming the door closed as he exits.
The waterfall of tension wracking your body leaves like a dam finally cracked open, forcing your knees to weaken. You lean on the bathroom counter, watching the fog in the mirror hide away your sunken features.
Sullen eyes that shadow much more than what meets the eye look right back at you.
This compromise was something you could deal with. It was good enough, you had decided.
|—————|
The first time the flip phone had rung, you were at the supermarket.
The buzz had shocked you. For the month that you have had the phone, it’s been vibrations of texts between you and Taeyong. Small bits of information needed and stiff replies and reminders exchanged. Scared of what it could mean, you drop what you’re doing fast.
After the third tone, you answer, never having pressed the green button on the device so quickly before.
“Hello?”
Taeyong’s drawl comes up crackly through the shitty flip phone. “I thought you were about to ignore me right there.”
“I wouldn’t. Let me get to somewhere quieter.”
Abandoning your shopping cart, you leave the supermarket and travel down the building’s side to reach complete silence.
“How’s the WayV District treating you?”
Unconsciously, you look around, almost expecting dark eyes to appear at any moment. He often did this, sending you text messages that his eyes were always, always watching.
“Just fine,” You breathe out, leaning against the brick wall, “Quite quaint considering the outskirts.”
“That’s good to hear. I almost feel bad disrupting your little pocket of peace.”
You scoff, a mirthful smile coming on. “Don’t kid yourself. Are we meeting up somewhere?”
“Eager to see me, are we?”
Rolling your eyes hard, you shake your head, “Where?”
“Well, walk out that little space and you’ll see.”
Trailing out, your eyes scan the entire street and don’t see Taeyong’s figure stand out. You’re opening your mouth to question him before a signature wave of fingers directed across the street catches your attention.
His attire is what bewilders you. The few times you have seen Taeyong, he’s been dressed impeccably. Black jeans, a simple white tee, and a fitted navy blue cap sit on his head. His hair isn’t so vibrant, now a jet black from what you could see was peeking out.
“Like what you see?”
Crossing the street, you hang up the call and trail behind him as Taeyong nonchalantly walks down the sidewalk. You think for a second that he’s avoiding you but know better instantly. A sleek, midnight blue Chevrolet is parked and he unlocks the car, climbing into the driver seat.
Since the windows were tinted, you couldn’t tell very well but assumed he wanted you in the back seat. Yanking at the door, you climb in and are greeted with Taeyong and company, who is sat in shotgun, all cocky and smug.
“Lovely to see you, Miss Y/N.”
You sigh, already exhausted as you take in Haechan’s presence, head of chestnut hair already irking you.
“What the hell is all this?” You almost growl.
Taeyong smirks back at you, shifting into drive, “I’ll explain over dinner.”
|—————|
“This sounds reckless.”
Taeyong leans away, taking his elbows off the table as his back hits the booth cushion. He had shut down this poor corner restaurant for privacy, all customers asked to leave and pay within minutes.
“It is, but it’ll be worth it. And I need you there to find the guy again.”
Over text, Taeyong didn’t scare you all that much, besides when he felt the need to mention that he knew of your whereabouts often. Brave enough to have some bite now and know that it’ll be fruitless, you also lean back and cross your arms.
“This isn’t a part of our deal, Taeyong.”
“Well, if you want to end this contact, I need to not need you anymore. If we catch this asshole here at this gala, you’re cut off,” Taeyong leans across once more, “No more texts, no more checkups… you’re free to leave Neo City.”
The statement almost makes you cave.
“And if it ends up in flames? Guns blazing? I can’t…” You swallow hard, fingers shaking as you dig into your arms, “I don’t want to see that again.”
“You won’t.” Haechan confidently chimes in beside his boss, fingers folded on the table. His tone convinces you a little.
“No gunfire, no violence. It’s just a regular old charity gala that Lee Enterprises holds every year. No different besides the fact that all ten of us are going to be present again. But this time, more prepared. We’re luring these fuckers in.”
Taeyong brings your attention back to him. “There will be hundreds of innocents there. As much as you like to think I’m a heartless man, I don’t kill without reason. No bloodshed.”
Breathing in deep, you look down at yourself and consider your options.
What they wanted was for you to attend this said gala and find the man you had met at the bar. After you did, you would go free. You could… leave Neo City.
If you didn’t accept this offer… what could you really do? Say no to the man across from you, who has shown time and time again what power he has over this city? You don’t doubt Taeyong’s control nor his strategy. He was clearly a smart man and if he was trusting Haechan’s plan to work, surely there was reason behind that.
“How do we know for sure this guy will be there? There’s an equal chance that they’ll know this is a setup and if anything, bring more undercover men to shoot up the place.”
Taeyong chuckles. “Darling, I run a business. We’re not savages unless we need to be. Camera flashes and news reporters will be all over this thing. I’m not dumb and neither are they.”
“If they’re not dumb, they’ll know you’re begging for a bite on this trap. You’ve said all ten of you will be there? It’s been hard for them to get that opportunity in the first place and you’re handing it on a silver platter.”
Haechan looks to Taeyong after you bring this good point up. He sighs, running a hand through his thick hair after adjusting his hat. They exchange a look and your shoulders bunch up.
“What? Did you not think of that or something?”
“We’ve thought through everything, Y/N. Relax.” Haechan spits out without looking at you, still holding a completely silent conversation with Taeyong.
Taeyong turns back to you. “There’s going to be an announcement that night too.”
Haechan lifts his eyebrows, interrupting, “Yong—”
“It’s fine.” The latter reassures sharply, ending Haechan’s rebuttal with a glare.
“Mark will be revealing himself as CEO of Lee Enterprises.”
Your jaw drops. “I-I’m sorry, what? Mark is CEO of—?”
“Yes, he is.”
That makes so much more sense now.
Lee Enterprises was a multi-millionaire dollar company that ran stocks and trade overseas. Famous for its headquarters being set in the center of Neo City, it made sense that Taeyong’s gang had their hands in on it but you could have never guessed that its mysterious CEO— who had never shown their real identity— was Taeyong’s underboss in the mafia.
That comment about how Yuta never saw Mark had truth behind it. With Mark as such a powerful figure, so many targets are pointed on his back as CEO of Lee Enterprises and as underboss.
Your shocked silence makes Haechan speak up once more. “You should not have said that, Yong. With all due respect.”
“That was marked in the works before— Chan, how else were we going to make an excuse for Mark to be there? It was bound to be found out anyway— it’s better if it’s public.
Taeyong returns to answering your question. “It’ll be too much of a good chance to throw away. I can’t promise they won’t try something, maybe behind the scenes but I will tell you now it won’t happen on live TV.”
His dark eyes bore into yours and you weight the options once more. You didn’t really have one, did you?
“I want a gun on me.”
Haechan snorts. “I saw that penthouse footage. You’re not going to be able to learn shit before two weeks for the gala.”
“Try me.” You tilt your head, tired of this kid’s attitude.
Meeting Taeyong’s eyes once more, he smirks and nods. “I agree. I’ll even get the best person to train you.”
His palm reaches out across the table once again and you think back to the last time you had shaken Taeyong’s hand. A shiver runs down your back again, the phantom feeling of his touch and breath on your skin.
“Deal?”
“I also want a plus-one.”
Taeyong laughs. You didn’t expect the sound to be so twinkly. “Anything you want, darling. Who?”
“Can I have Jungwoo?”
He sucks air through his teeth and cocks his head. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to convince him of that but I can try.”
“Not Yuta, eh?” Haechan feels the need to butt in, breaking the eye connection between you and Taeyong.
“I’m resisting the urge to slap you across the head.”
Haechan’s palm covers his forehead at your half-hearted threat, squinting. “You got balls now, little girl.”
Shaking your head, you grasp onto Taeyong’s palm and shake on it. His touch on you lingers, despite the way that he doesn’t latch onto you with roughness like last time. Fingertips brush against your wrist as you pull away.
“Deal. When do these lessons start?”
“How does tomorrow sound?”
#lee taeyong#taeyong#yuta#nakamoto yuta#taeyong fluff#taeyong fanfic#taeyong smut#taeyong angst#taeyong imagines#taeyong reaction#yuta fluff#yuta angst#yuta smut#yuta fanfic#yuta imagines#yuta reaction#nct#nct 2020#nct u#nct 127#angel of death#mine#nct fluff#nct angst#nct smut#nct imagines#nct reactions#nct fanfic#nct fanfiction#nct mafia au
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The Rookiest Rookie that ever Rookied- Part Two
Oh god I feel so bad for Cole!!
Characters belong to the completely wonderful @lumosinlove
Cw, food
Enjoy!! 💚
“Right, mon fils, you remember the plan?” Pascal had sat Louis and Marc down at the dining room table and had his serious dad face on. The boys knew this face meant business and sat up straighter, as though they were in a proper business meeting.
“Oui, papa.” Louis answered. Marc nodded in agreement, both of them determined not to let their father down. After all, this was the difference between whether or not they could go out for ice cream at the weekend. All of the shots were riding on this!
“Repeat it back to me.” Dumo instructed.
“Which part?” Marc questioned, still getting his little brain around all of the instructions his father had given him.
“All of it, this is serious business. The two of you are embarking on a journey that can only be ruled as the greatest journey known to man. You two have a legacy to fill, mon fils, a legacy!” Dumo exclaimed dramatically, his arms out as though he was introducing a show on the West End.
“Ce n'est pas si dramatique, papa.” Louis rolled his eyes, and his father gasped.
“Say that again and you are grounded.” Pascal locked his eyes on Louis’. The famous Dumais pranks were a serious business and should be treated as such.
“There is a lot riding on this,” Dumo reasoned, “do you want ice cream or not?”
“I guess.” Louis huffed. “Alright, so we only answer to each other’s names.”
“Make sure all the clocks show a different time.” Marc continued “Can you help us get the higher clocks?” he asked his dad. Dumo nodded.
“Make sure the robot spider is under the couch.” Louis chimed in.
“Ask him where babies come from.” Marc giggled. “Where do they come from papa?” he asked curiously.
“Non, non, ask Cole. He’ll tell you.” Dumo wiggled his finger in front of his younger son's face.
“Okay, okay.”
“Parfait, right, he’ll be back in,” he checked his watch,”half an hour from hanging out with Leo. Let’s get this started, shall we mes fils?” Dumo rubbed his hands together and giggled, leading his children into the kitchen to get started on the clocks.
--
“Right, we shouldn’t be gone for long but if anything goes wrong, just call us straight away. We’ll be back by dinner time.” Celeste fussed. Her husband was already out in the car with Adele and Katie, ready to take them both to basketball practice.
“I will, promise.” Cole smiled. It was the first time they trusted him to look after any of their kids so he can understand why they were airing on the side of caution. “We’ll have lots of fun.” He smiled over to the two boys who were currently sat watching something on the television. Celeste thanked him again and left, shutting the door softly behind her.
Babysitting was a piece of cake. He could do this.
“Right boys, what’s the plan for today.” He clapped his hands and rubbed them together, sitting down on the couch that was adjacent to the two brothers. Marc’s eyes lit up.
“Can we make a cake?” he asked, practically jumping up from his spot on the couch.
“We certainly can, what flavour?”
Marc thought for a moment. “Chocolate.” he smiled.
“Sounds good to me, buddy, lead the way.” He reached over and grabbed the remote off of the coffee table in the centre of the room and switched the television off, following them into the kitchen.
“Right, let me see what we have here,” Cole started, going through all of the cupboards to round up the ingredients for the cake.
“Louis, can you grab me the eggs please.” He said over his shoulder as he went to retrieve the milk and butter from the fridge.
“No, no, no, Marc wait-“ Cole was cut off by the eggs Marc was attempting to hold in one hand dropping to the floor and smashing everywhere. He froze with his arms out mid step, and just sighed, laughing slightly. “Oh dear.” Marc looked up at him.
“Sorry Cole.”
“It’s okay buddy, how about you go and change your trousers and socks so that you’re not walking around all day with egg on them and we’ll throw them in the wash. It’s no big deal.” he smiled, grabbing a wet paper towel to start to clean the egg yolk off of the floor. Marc nodded and ran to his room. As he cleaned up, Louis gathered all of the ingredients onto the side, and grabbed more eggs from the basket.
By the time the floor was clean, Marc had come back down in a fresh pair of jeans and socks and popped his dirty ones into the washing machine for his mother to deal with later.
“Perfect, right, Marc, you’re in charge of weighing things, okay?” He looked at Marc but Louis nodded, sitting up on the bar stool in front of the weighing scales.
“Okay.” Louis smiled. Cole widened his eyes slightly but shook it off. Maybe he misspoke?
“Marc, you’re going to help me mix everything up, okay?”
“But I thought I was weighing the ingredients?” Louis asked, confused.
“Yeah, I was talking to your brother?” Cole said, though it came out more of a question. He placed his hand on his hip and scratched his head.
The boys just shrug and carry on anyway, allowing Cole to guide them through the recipe, one his mother swears by back at home. He was hoping it lived up to Celeste’s baking but he doubted his skills were that good. It was the least he could offer her for all the amazing meals she had cooked for him so far. She insisted that it was nothing but when one is so far away from home, having another mother cook a full homemade meal brought immense amounts of comfort to him.
They carried on working around each other, occasionally turning up the radio when a good song comes on, laughing and throwing flour and sugar over each other. Cole was an only child, but if he wasn’t, this is how he would want to spend his weekends with them. He supposed he wasn’t any more; his chosen family adding to the numbers ten-fold and he was beyond grateful for it.
Once all of the ingredients had been mixed, he asked Louis, well who he was sure was Louis, to help him pour the cake mix into the cake moulds. He started doubting himself as Marc, well who he was sure was Marc, came to help him. Once he had placed the moulds into the oven, which he noted had the wrong time displayed, he sent the kids through to the sitting room as he set the timer on his phone. His thumb hovered over the message app icon, wondering whether or not admitting defeat was wise. He quickly changed his mind as he thought up a better idea, opened the app and clocked on Leo’s name instead.
‘Hey man, I have a really embarrassing question but you CANNOT tell Dumo, okay?’
‘Oh god, this is gonna be good.’
‘Leo, PROMISE ME.’
‘Jeez man, okay, i promise!!’
‘Which of Dumo’s boys are older? Louis or Marc? Because i think ive been calling them by the wrong names.’
‘OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHAHA COLE!!!!!!!!! PLEASE TELL ME YOURE JOKING’
‘Leo…’
‘Oh my god you arent joking.’
‘Please?’
‘Marc is the older one. Oh my god that is actually hilarious. Logan’s wetting himself.’
‘I’m never hearing the end of this.’
Cole put his phone away in his pocket, feeling incredibly embarrassed. Had he been calling these kids by the wrong name for the past month? It would seem so. He filled himself a glass of water and walked into the sitting room, sitting down on the couch next to Marc, no, Louis, the younger one.
“How long until the cake’s ready?” the older one asked.
“About twenty minutes now buddy. What are we watching?” he asked, gesturing to the television.
“Minecraft videos,” the youngest answered, smiling. Cole shook his head, clearly realising he had lost his touch with kids. Wasn’t Minecraft big, what, four years ago now? He pulled his phone out of his pocket and started aimlessly scrolling through Instagram, liking and commenting on a few of the posts until the youngest sibling piped up again.
“Cole?” he asked, an inquisitive look on his face.
“Mhm?” Cole replied, taking a sip of his water.
“Where do babies come from?”
Cole promptly spat his water back out looking at the youngest with wide eyes, stuttering slightly in shock. How was he meant to answer that?!
“I- well- have you not asked your dad this?” he stuttered, this was not what he expected to be answering today, to a nine year old nonetheless.
“Non, I just thought of it” the younger one shook his head.
“Oh, well, I mean, when two adults want to have a baby, they do a special hug, I guess?” Cole replied cautiously.
“So maman, and papa did a special hug for me, Louis, Katie and Adele?”
Cole just stared at him, mouth trying and failing to come up with a response to that. The last thing he even wanted to think about was Dumo’s sex life, no matter how many times the Lions’ sex lives were brought up in the locker room.
Thankfully, the timer for the cake went off, giving him the perfect excuse to exit the conversation. He set the cake on the side to cool, making a start on the icing. The boys decided to stay in the sitting room, engrossed in the video they were watching. He glanced up at the clock on the wall. Surely it wasn’t still early afternoon? He checked the time on the oven and it matched, as did the one on the radio, and the fridge, and everything else in the kitchen apart from his phone.
“Boys, what time is it?” he shouted through to them.
“The tv says it’s 3pm!” Marc, Louis, the older one shouted back. He ran his hands over his face and checked his phone, noting that the time read ‘17:30’. He just rested his head in his hands with his elbows against the counter; he evidently did not get enough sleep last night. He quickly decorated the cake to return his thought process to something concrete and set it aside, joining the boys in front of the television quickly after.
He couldn’t have been sat down for more than five minutes when the biggest fuck off spider he had ever seen crawled out from under the couch, right next to his foot. Like any normal, self-respecting 19 year old man, he screamed and jumped up onto the couch.
Both boys were in hysterics.
“Cole, we got you so good!” The younger of the two was currently beside himself on the other couch, tears streaming from his eyes as he held up a little remote; evidently the remote for the spider.
“You two are taking after your father it seems.” Cole laughed nervously. He was well aware of the notorious Pascal Dumais prank streak and it seemed. They pressed play on the tv until Celeste, Dumo, Adele and Katie came home. He was grateful only in the sense that he was completely and utterly exhausted from today.
“Aaahhhh, you boys made a cake!” Celeste mused, walking into the kitchen to have a look at it, “it will be perfect for after dinner.”
“Did you have a good day, mes garçons?” he asked. Both boys nodded, understanding that their father was asking if they did everything he asked of them.
“It seems your boys take after you, Dumo. Got me pretty good with a spider under the couch there.” Cole laughed from his position on the couch.
Dumo let out one of the biggest dad laughs known to man. “Incroyable! I’m proud of you both!” Both of his sons looked at him and began laughing with him, but followed their mother and sisters into the kitchen.
“I hope they weren’t too much trouble?” Dumo asked, hanging his coat up and turning to Cole.
“No, not at all. It was a fun day, a long day but a fun one. Really set me through my paces there. For a hot second i thought it was one of your tasks.” he laughed as he stood up.
Dumo froze.
“My children are a task to you?” he looked Cole straight in the eyes and cocked an eyebrow. Cole stared at him wide eyed and started stuttering, attempting to form and answer. Pascal laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. “I’m only joking, kid. You should have seen your face!”
“Haha, yeah, I’m just going to run to the toilet real quick and I’ll join you for dinner. Won’t be long!” He left, looking quite flustered as PAscal made his way into the kitchen. His wife was leant against the counter with her arms crossed and a slightly amused expression on her face.
“You are a cruel man, mon roi. A cruel cruel man.” she shook her head and turned back around as she continued to prepare dinner.
He stalked over and placed a kiss on her head.
“It’s called character building, ma reine.” he smiled. “And I am nowhere near done just yet.”
#coast to coast lumosinlove#sweater weather lumosinlove#lumosinlove#pascal dumais#Pascal Dumais Prank Series#Cole Reyes
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life updates: november 09, 2021
work:
my seniors recently complimented me again saying na im a really efficient junior designer and that my main senior is so lucky to have me work with her in all of her projects
yung makati project namin nakakatawa nalang kasi ang daming extra na gustong pagawa nung client namin so syempre madedelay yung turnover pero sila din tong atat mag move it; pls make it make sense po
yung alabang project naman namin, hindi mafinalize ng boss namin yung mga details kasi magboboracay daw muna siya; basta ako ill finalize everything on my end para wala siyang masabi
also! im super duper excited for this one: my ninang asked for my help in designing her condo unit so thats basically going to be my first ever freelance project! wish me luck! im about to prep for our meeting tomorrow too before i go to bed
praying to god na wala kaming ganap masyado sa work para keri kong pumunta ng ust after lunch
last for work: i have officially decided to take the board exam next year meaning i have to email my bosses already regarding my plans on filing for leave from march to july; fingers crossed they allow it!
family:
im so glad my dad is feeling much better; yes, i always am annoyed at him but i really do love him and care about him so much
i am: confused cause my younger brother didnt enjoy bungalow's homer donut as much as i did; IT WAS THE BEST DONUT EVER
my lola is staying over for the night and having her here at home always makes me feel safer than usual
i miss my mom and brother; i cant wait for my mom to come home
syempre di na ko magkukunwari, excited na din ako sa mga pasalubong ng nanay ko yahu
friends:
im so fucking excited to see my bestfriends; we're going back to the beach for tiger's birthday and im just so excited to spend a weekend with them especially since its been so long since we all last hung out
i miss my tumblr bestfriends a lot; sometimes i wish it was 2020 again when all we were doing was staying up late on zoom and literally just playing games and watching movies and talking about everything under the sun and planning random meet ups and actually ending up meeting up with almost everybody
im really excited to review with my bestfriends too and go cafe hopping once review season starts! also syempre matik na din yan, lagi sila matutulog dito sa bahay
personal life:
my puson is hurting a bit and im kind of getting worried na its either 1.) pcos related since i do have pcos or 2.) its something to do with the fact na ang lakas ko nanaman sa juice, soda, and coffee
i have to drink water ONLY i swear to god i do not want to get sick at all, especially in this pandemic
got my first ever 13th month pay today! i really really really need to save kasi i dont want to go into review season with an empty bank account
which means, no coffee or pastry runs whenever im out of the house; i seriously need to discipline myself para din i dont keep gaining more and more weight
i am itching to fix and reorganize and clean my room; cannot wait for the weekend kasi ito talaga gagawin ko
eamon and bec, you have stolen my heart; plus your accents are the cutest thing ever
watching their videos just made me really really want to visit morocco soon cause ive been wanting to go their for so long already
love:
syempre wala
if youve made it this far into my post, thank you so much. i just felt extra chatty this evening and i feel like i had to type everything down cause if i dont, i wont remember them with how busy i am. i hope you guys are doing okay and please know that if you ever feel like just typing everything as well, go for it. just go for it! who cares what other people say? either way, again, i hope you guys have a really lovely tuesday evening and i hope the rest of the week treats us well!
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Democracy in America
Hello dear friends and family,
October is off to a crisp start and I've been busy squirreling away at the library. It's already been one month since I arrived, which makes it high time for some reflection. I've been working hard to come up with clever answers to the question of "what my impressions are" mainly because (and a list of so-called impressions follows):
I thought Finns were insecure, with their country branding workshops and whatnot, perennially worried about what other people (read: the Swedes) think of us, but I can tell you, Americans are worse. In all the years I've lived in Berlin, not once has a German person (nor a Berliner—these are two completely distinct groups of people) asked me to tell them what I "think" about their country, or what my "impressions" are. Maybe they know better than to ask. Maybe they really don't care. Americans, on the other hand (including New Yorkers, though a similar non-equivalence exists here), cannot get enough of foreigners' interpretations of their country. I think it's because they genuinely don't know what to think about their country themselves and are waiting for somebody to tell them what the hell is going on here. So, what are my impressions so far?
America is home to some really great things. So far, my top three list is
i) cinnamon-flavored chewing gum
ii) hazelnut-flavored filter coffee (a mystery but a delightful one)
iii) pecan-pumpkin-spice-flavored filter coffee (again, I don't know who came up with this or what they do to make coffee taste like a Hallmark card but I fuckin love it)
iv) ditto, snickerdoodles (both the word and the pastry).
Oops, that's four.
There is, however, clearly something wrong with a country that has to keep toothpaste under lock and key at the drugstore. I mean, toothpaste is expensive here—$5.99 for a tube, are you kidding me?—but it's still not exactly a luxury item. I literally have to ring a bell at Duane Reed to get an employee to open the toothpaste safe for a tube of Colgate. I wondered about this out loud to a New Yorker, who told me it's because the Duane Reed I went to is located at a "minor transportation hub," in the corner of W 110th and Broadway, which presumably means that this ludicrously wealthy Upper West Side drugstore frequented mostly by Columbia students and faculty is some kind of a crime hotspot. I should probably start carrying a gun.
Americans are loud. I feel like shushing people all the time, which makes me feel like a bad person. If anyone asked me to, I'd be more than happy to provide instructions for adjusting the volume of one's speech to different situations. It'd go something like follows:
i) When outdoors, use what you would consider an "indoors voice."
ii) When indoors, use what you would consider a "library voice."
iii) When in the library, shut the fuck up.
Pretty simple, huh?
The American economy would collapse if people stopped living on takeaway meals and coffees. I have never seen people so comfortable dishing out $20-50 per day for food they don't like and coffee they don't need. I mean, I'm not even able to get out of bed without several cups of coffee in the morning but I'd find it really hard to justify a $10 daily budget for iced-mocha-swirly lattes and another $10 for dumplings, when you can just pack a sandwich. The number of students able to afford this kind of lifestyle is just astounding. (This is Columbia, I am aware that the people without trust funds constitute a minority.) I feel positively frugal with my leftover lunches and thermos bottle of coffee (this week it's Donut Shop Roast, which disappointingly does not taste like donuts).
Americans like to think of themselves as libertarians and are famously opposed to state-imposed regulation—but I've never felt as regulated and rule-bound as I have here. It's just that the rules aren't handed down by government officials but by the various enterprises, including private businesses and universities (the latter is included in the former but deserves a honorary mention of its own), who would rather impose elaborate codes of conduct than leave people to their common senses and be sued when something inevitably happens. As one particularly pointless example, I have to complete an online covid-symptom checklist every morning before I'm allowed to enter campus—a "Daily Attestation," it's called—where I solemnly swear that I did not have a cough or a sore throat that morning, either. The only conceivable purpose of this useless exercise is to ensure that if somebody does show up on campus sneezing and wheezing their viral particles around, Columbia can't sued for not having done everything in its power to prevent the virus from spreading. Airing out rooms, though, is strictly out of the question—presumably because it's against some other rule designed to stop students from committing suicide by jumping out a third-floor window. As a person who is physiologically unable to follow pointless rules, I find this kind of self-serving, counter-logical box ticking absolutely infuriating.
It's not all bad, though. Yesterday I went to a Japanese jazz speakeasy around Midtown. We had to stand in line for about an hour, between a group of 17-year-old musical theater majors and 27-year-old jazz enthusiasts. The former were bursting out in spontaneous, perfectly synchronized song every few minutes, the latter were debating scales or keys or some such—I'm telling you, it was like walking into a badly-written scene of Glee. It was worth it though. At one point, during a several-minute-long drum solo, I experienced what can only be described as a moment of pure transcendence. People were all around me were yelling over the music and gesticulating wildly and, for a few seconds, time compressed to something graspable; a thing crackling with energy. An oceanic feeling is, in the words of turn-of-the-century mystic Romain Rolland, “a spontaneous … feeling of the ‘eternal’ (which can very well not be eternal, but simply without perceptible limits, and like oceanic, as it were).” If eternity can be found in a midtown basement, Manhattan can’t be all bad. (Below a video clip I took discreetly when entering.)
P.s. A friend of mine said that I should write an Alexis de Tocqueville -type report about my time in America, which explains the title of this post. For the literary agents and non-fiction editors reading this blog (jk, apparently it's my mum and three of her friends who read these entries—hi!!!), you can email me at sonjaohno at gmail dot com for a book deal.
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How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr
What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^
Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))
What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.
Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.
What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.
What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….
Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)
Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.
Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).
Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.
Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.
Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”
so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D
- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]
- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd
- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho
- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333
- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!
- gotta love tsukishima <3
- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)
- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw
- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more
- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too
so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333
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Greener - IV
I, II, III
(4k)
cw: mentions of abuse (nothing too intense but better safe than sorry), alcohol consumption
I am in the ocean. The water is warm and comforting as it hugs up against me with each gentle wave. It is calm and peaceful and in turn I am calm. I am in the ocean and I am calm.
You’re in your kitchen.
“Fuck off,” I whisper, eyes squeezed tightly shut as if they could shield me from the reality of the voice in my head.
I am in the ocean.
BUZZ
I ignore it.
I am in—
BUZZ
BUZZ
With a deep exhale, I open my eyes and face the brutal reality that the unkind voice lingering in my brain had been right. I am in my kitchen. The bright smiling faces tacked to the walls seem to mock me as I desperately try to regulate the rise and fall of my chest. My lungs unaware that I am not in the middle of a hundred-metre sprint and can probably relax a little.
Against my better judgment, I pick up the phone that had caused me to spiral in the first place. Quickly, I close Twitter, wishing I had never let myself fall down the thread of comments. I had known it would only cause me to panic but, almost masochistically, I did it anyway.
Thought I was supposed to be the one organising collaborations with big artists?? Nice work kiddo. Response to the video is pretty good so I can look into booking some studio sessions…
My focus falls away from my manager’s message. Of course, he saw this as a positive thing. It is a positive thing, really. Only a crazy person would find discomfort in their dream career being boosted along. This is the kind of thing I have always wanted. I want to make music. I want to have people see me and connect with me. But now that the opportunity is there all that I feel is fear.
You always were ungrateful.
For once, I do not try to argue with the bad part of my brain. I am ungrateful. How could someone get what they want and find reasons to still be the victim? I do not deserve any of this. How could I, in the sea of so many, be lucky enough to find traction in this industry? Yet all I want to do is run.
It is not even as though all of the new feedback is negative. To a degree, it would be understandable to want to run away were that the case. No, people were actually incredibly supportive of Harry and I’s impromptu duet. Complimentary even. I should be jumping for joy, but instead I find myself clutching for the countertop beneath me to tether me to the Earth.
Instinctively, I reach for my phone again, quickly dialling the first number I can think to.
“Hello lovely lady,” Lucy answers brightly.
“Luce,” I gasp, mouth remaining open but unable to find the words as my throat seems to tighten up.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, suddenly serious and I can picture her sat bolt upright. When I can’t formulate a reply, she speaks for me, “Are you at home? I’ll come over.”
“Yeah.” I manage to breathe out.
Time seems to warp as I listen to the background noise of Lucy buckling herself into her car and taking the short trip to my house. Only when I hear her set of keys in the lock do I hang up the call, something about her presence comforting me even through the phone.
“Let’s sit down, yeah?” Lucy says when she sees my face, undoubtedly wide-eyed as gravely breathes pass quickly between my lips.
She places a hand on my back and eases me away from the counter until my body meets the soft embrace of the sofa.
“Count to ten with me?”
Her voice is gentle and reassuring as she watches me, no doubt assessing how severe my state is and which battleplan she needs to access in order to help me calm down.
When I nod, she waits for me to utter a shaky and broken, “One,” before repeating it and moving from the sofa.
“Two,” she encourages.
She opens a window and moves back to the kitchen, returning with a glass of water as I reach “Four.”
We count together until we reach ten. Not unlike the other times we have done this, she waits for a moment as she observes if I need to start again, or if I am suitably calm enough for her to move on to the next step in her care plan. Deciding on the latter, she passes me the glass of water.
Gratefully, I take a slow sip.
“Want to talk or want distracting?”
“I feel…” I start quietly, uncertain as a sigh passes my lips, “I feel ungrateful and a bit overwhelmed.”
Lucy just nods. No judgment in her gaze as she digests my words. They dissipate into the air of the living room, sinking into the furniture and slipping under the tape of the unopened moving box in the corner.
“Is this about the video? Because if it is I’m so sorry for posting it, I just thought you two sounded so good and fit so great together and maybe you’d get a bit more recognition which you deserve completely and—”
“Lu,” I sigh with a small smile as she rambles apologetically. I pull her into a hug which neither of us expect. “I love you so much. You always know what’s right and you go out and do it. I’m just a bit batshit at the minute and can’t accept the good in things.”
“I love you.” Lucy mutters into my hair.
We sit for a while, arms wrapped tightly around one another, swaying slightly. Neither of us want to be the first to move, simultaneously needing to provide comfort and bathe in it. A smile fixes itself on my lips, one Lucy has always been capable of coaxing from me, even during my worst nights. But that is exactly the reason the smile carves its way on to my cheeks; it’s us. It has always been Lucy and me and it will be Lucy and me until our arms can’t hug and our lungs can’t laugh.
“I think,” I say softly, resentfully pulling away from our embrace, “it’s time to go through his stuff.”
Lucy nods, eyes a little watery. She sniffles once and that is enough to settle her.
“Shall I get wine?”
I cannot help the small bubble of laughter that bursts between my lips, but I nod, nonetheless. We move to set about our own tasks; Lucy gets a bottle of Shiraz and pours two glasses as I pull the, ever so slightly dusty, cardboard box into the centre of the room and peel away the tape sealing it.
I wait for her to return before opening the flaps, needing her next to me more than I could ever admit. Not that I would have to. She gives me a reassuring squeeze on the arm when she notices my sharp intake of air.
No going back. I force myself to believe that and open the box.
Peering into the box, it is less full than I remember, and that in itself pushes me along. On the top, lay a few t-shirts he did not come to collect. I place them in a pile on the living room floor, mentally noting it as one to donate. Beneath the shirts are a collection of photographs, some loose and some framed. Lucy stills beside me, nervously awaiting my tears. They would not come just yet. I remember placing the most upsetting things at the bottom. My heart clenches at the thought of seeing them again, but I push ahead.
I flick through the photographs, placing the newly empty frames to the other side of the box. It is not nearly as saddening as I had expected. Being able to pass over a timeline of our relationship is almost cathartic, knowing that I do not have to wait weeks and months between these happy memories captured in film.
“I loved that jacket.” Lucy says softly as we peer at a picture of my ex-boyfriend and I at the beach one night.
“So did I,” I smile, fingers running lightly over the glossy image, a bright red faux leather jacket which matched my painted smile. “Will didn’t.”
Lucy’s body slumps beside me and I feel the angry starting to stir inside of her. I put the stack of photos on the floor, deciding not to keep any, and peak back into the box. I can hardly help the laugh that rises from my chest when I see the next item. Not from joy, but from its sheer ridiculousness. My hands reach into the cardboard and pull from it a bathroom scale.
“You know,” I start, sadness and amusement mingling in my chest, “he fixed these, so I was always ten pounds heavier.”
Unable to see the dark humour that I do, Lucy’s eyebrows knit together furiously, teeth biting hard on the inside of her cheek to keep her from screaming obscenities.
I place the scale down on the ground before reaching in to retrieve the last item in the box. The second my fingertips touch the tape, the smile erases from my face.
Deep breath in.
Lifting the final photograph from the box, my heart breaks yet again. The memories from that night flush my mind, my whole body quickly covering in goosebumps in an attempt at defence.
Lucy is silent next to me, waiting for me to say something or react at all. I bring the image closer, throat drying a little more with each inch it nears. I gulp harshly, desperate for some of the moisture collecting at my eyes to travel to my mouth.
I stare down at the picture of myself in my parents’ garden, mum and dad on either side of me, the three of us beaming uncontrollably. We were happy and excited, I was moving to Los Angeles in a few weeks, completely uncertain if I would be able to make my dream into my career.
Turning the photograph over is what send tears falling.
Our sweet Violet,
Words cannot describe how proud we are of you. You are so brave it makes us question if you were adopted without us knowing. You have always been your own person and that is what makes you so very special. It is also the reason that we know you will succeed no matter what you do. You are a wonder. Go forward and show the world.
So much love,
Your biggest fans xx
The words are beautiful, so sweet and encouraging that reading them now makes me feel a fraud. Tracing my thumb over the lines of tape holding the fragments of the photo together, a gentle sob erupts from inside me. The torn object makes my heart ache enough to think it were trying to mirror it.
“This was the day I left him,” I manage to force out between sniffs and sobs. “When he ripped this… I couldn’t do it anymore.”
Reliving my breaking point is something I often find myself doing, experiencing the extreme high of my first ever headlining show, and subsequent extreme low when Will pointed out how unflattering the stage lights were. He took that night from me, stole its joy and tried to grind me back down to a level beneath him.
I cry hard into Lucy’s shoulder, not caring right now that I was ruining her t-shirt. She does not seem to care either, instead just rubbing my back soothingly and letting me get out the emotions I have kept locked away for so long.
It is only when I feel Lucy’s body shaking against mine that I pull myself away. My tears stop the second I see hers falling.
“I’m so sorry.” She gets out, eyes bloodshot as deep but silent sobs wrack her body.
“It’s okay.” I coo, hating seeing my best friend cry more than any object in that box.
“It’s not. I’m supposed to protect you and I didn’t see what he was doing to you.” She is starting to hyperventilate as the tears fall faster and heavier now.
“Hey,” I whisper, placing a hand either side of her head to get her to focus on me and really listen, “No one did, not even me.” My voice cracks slightly at the admission, but it is what we both need to hear in order to forgive ourselves even the smallest amount.
Our breathing regulates, the tears start to dry, and I look back to the image with a fond memory.
“Do you remember the day we left?”
Lucy gives me a breathy and snotty but genuine laugh. “Yeah. Mum packed me about five boxes of chocolate fingers.”
“And they wouldn’t let us go through security with them so we had to stand and eat as many as we could.”
We share a laugh at the fond memory, glad to remember ourselves so sweet and naïve.
I pick up an empty frame from the floor, slipping the taped-up photograph inside and set it on the coffee table.
“I’m not letting him have any more of me.”
She nods and we sit for a moment.
“Thank you for always being next to me.” I say, a lump forming in my throat yet again, however this time, my heart swells instead of breaking.
“You and me.” She says with a soft, slightly teary smile as she extends a pinky finger for me to connect with. Of course, I do.
* * *
“He said he wants to talk when he’s back from New York.” Lucy tells me nervously as she stares down at her phone.
“Could be a good thing.” I argue, reaching out my hand to lift my nearly empty wine glass from the coffee table. I bring it to my lips carefully, my laying position on the sofa not aiding my slightly messy actions.
“I don’t know, he got funny the other day when I left his place.” Lucy mutters, gulping at her newly replenished glass.
“Luce, I’m going to be completely honest with you.” I say, sitting upright and trying to avoid the urge to hiccup as I move. “I think he likes you, and I think you like him too… and I think that scares you a bit.”
Lucy pauses, chewing on my words before responding with a sigh, “I think you’re right.”
“When aren’t I?” I tease, earning an eye roll, “Seriously though, Joseph is great, and he would take care of you.”
“That’s scary.” Lucy whispers to herself more than me, “What do I do if I’m not the one looking after people?”
“You’ll always have to look after me.” I joke, squeezing her knee lightly.
“That’s what I got Harry for.” She teases, unknowingly making my stomach squeeze just at the mention of him. “What?” she laughs, noticing my sudden silence.
I tell her everything. Running her through every moment with Harry, from our first date excitement, to accidentally on purpose friend-zoning him, to breaking the surface on my past relationship. As I describe each of our encounters, I recognise the lightness in my chest when I speak his name. Each small interaction I recall seems to stoke the embers in my chest, burning hot and steadily as I catch her up.
“I think you like him but you’re afraid.” Lucy repeats my own advice back to me with a smug smirk.
“Wouldn’t you be?” I defend.
“Oh definitely, but if you like him why are you waiting around. Be brave.” Her voice is so calm and matter of fact that her words seem nothing but logical, all my excuses flying out the window as I let her advice sink in.
Except for one.
“I don’t think he likes me like that, maybe he did at the start… but not anymore.”
“You can’t know that unless you ask him.” She replies, again as if it’s the most blatant thing in the world. Which I suppose it is.
Maybe I should be brave. I look to the newly framed photograph and find my answer. Maybe I will be.
* * *
Lucy made me text Harry that night before she left. He replied before I had finished locking the front door.
Yesss are you free Friday? I potentially have an idea – Harry
Before I know it, I find myself in the car park of The Forum in Inglewood, Harry’s hand slipped effortlessly into mine as he guides us through backdoor after backdoor.
Adrenaline courses through me as we wind through corridors, hearing the support act through the overhead speakers. We had already missed part of the show and were desperately trying to make up for the time lost sat in traffic.
Harry takes care of everything, shaking hands with everyone we interact with and thanking them graciously when they help us locate our seats. I watch him, slightly awe-struck, as we make our way to our little section by the balcony. The space is more private than general seating and I wonder what strings Harry had to pull to get such incredible last-minute tickets.
“Comfortable?” Harry asks as we get settled.
I nod, afraid that if my mouth were to open, I would let everything slip. Who could blame me though? The kindness and sincerity behind his eyes are enough to make anyone swoon.
No time to dwell on the way his eyes glide across my face, the crowd roars, almost making me jump as they drag me from my daydream.
Up on stage, Fleetwood Mac take their positions. A kick drum meets with the first few notes of The Chain, sending thousands of screaming fans into overdrive, ecstatic to see their idols in the flesh. Harry and I easily fall into that category, excitedly squeezing the other’s hand as the song builds.
“Oh my God!” I scream, head thrown back momentarily, unable to contain my wonderment at whatever cosmic coincidence allowed this to by my life.
It is loud. I feel the drums rattle in my chest, bass swirling in the pit in my stomach. My free hand grips the bar of the balcony, desperately trying to tether me to reality before I float away into whatever heavenly dream I have fallen into.
The show goes on, each passing song appearing to be a fan favourite as the crowd only grows wilder and more liberated. I watch with glee as each and every person moves freely, dancing and singing excitedly as Second Hand News transitions into Say You Love Me.
My gaze flits back to Harry for the hundredth time since the show began, admiring the joy radiating from him. It is infectious and feeds me until my rays begin to pour out of me as well.
Harry is goodness. Any other day, I would have used this as a reason to drive a wedge between us. He brought happiness while I worried that I drained it from the world.
But here, with him, I know the truth. I feel the good and the beauty in the world, and I know that I am a part of that. I do not drain him, we fill each other up.
“Harry,” I desperately call over the music.
Instantly, his eyes are on me, smile still present but quickly glancing over me to ensure my wellbeing.
“I’m sorry I friend-zoned you!” is all I can think to say. Somehow, it seems to be enough. Harry lets out a beautifully easy laugh, dimples deep-set in his cheeks as he lets go of my hand in order to wrap both arms around me.
“It’s okay.” He chuckles, quickly letting go of me and turning me towards the stage so as not to miss anything. His arms linger around me, hugging me slightly from behind, swaying us almost anxiously.
“We don’t normally do requests, but this will have to be an exception.” Stevie says, her voice light as a playful smile finds its way on to her face. “This is Skies the Limit.”
“I was going to choose Storms but didn’t want to see you sad.” Harry utters in my ear, confirming every complimentary thought I have of him.
My jaw struggles to stay closed as I watch the band play my song. Harry did this for me. My favourite, non-depressive, song is playing in front of all of these people. For me. Because of him.
His name tumbles from my lips, breathless and unbelieving that I am not existing in some kind of simulation.
I turn to look at him, gobsmacked, when I find his tentative gaze. Never have I seen him so timid, as though I might think this gesture too much. I mean, it is. There is no way on Earth someone could deserve to feel so cherished. No one could possible earn this heart-swelling sensation. No one is worthy of this level of care. But here I am. I get to be with him and being with Harry is like every birthday rolled into one. He drives me wild and keeps me calm, often managing to do both simultaneously.
For once, I do not care what anyone else thinks. All that matters is the man standing in front of me and the decision I need to make. Am I going to let this pass me by and shy away from potential happiness yet again? Or will I be brave and take a chance?
Harry watches me cautiously as my brain tries to spiral and twist itself into knots of self-doubt. But every wonderful decision I have every made required an element of risk. What would my younger self think if she saw me fumble this chance? She was always so fearless, why can’t I be?
“Remember at Lucy’s? You asked what I’d do if I wasn’t scared.” I say, palms starting to sweat as I feel the edge of the cliff approaching fast.
Harry nods.
“I didn’t tell you that if I weren’t so scared, I would let myself fall for you...”
Our eyes search the other’s face; mine desperate for any sort of reaction, his cautiously awaiting a hint of insincerity.
“Funny thing is I don’t think it will stop me.”
And like that, the cliff is far behind me and I wait in limbo for any response.
My heart wishes for Harry to scoop me up in his arms, bend me low and kiss me like a solider coming home from war. My mind worries that he will throw up over the side of the balcony from sheer disgust at the very notion. However, Harry provides neither anticipated response. Instead, a stifled smile spreads across his face.
“I know,” he grins, “Lucy told me.”
“For fuck’s sake!” I laugh incredulously, my head thrown back in despair and amusement. I should have guessed she would continue meddling. “I’m going to kill her.”
“Do you think you could wait a while to do that?” Harry asks when I finally meet his eyes again, his hands slipping up my back, pulling our bodies ever so slightly closer together.
“Why?” I sigh, half-joking.
“So I can do this.”
Each of Harry’s hands settle on either side of my head, a thumb instinctively grazing across the soft skin of my cheek. I have just enough time to register his touch before his lips come down to meet mine.
Our first kiss is fuelled with longing and ignited with hope. A new type of excitement spreads through my chest as his lips melt with mine, soft and sweet, as all fears and doubts seem to drown out with the roar of the arena. Some other time I will tell Harry about Will and how he affected me, and things will be okay, because with Harry things are okay. He makes them okay. And with heaving chests and his forehead pressed against mine, for the first time in a long time, I feel the potential for a free kind of love.
masterlist
#aah#thats it man#kinda hate it dont tell anyone#but we're moving on to a new fic and this needed publishing to get it from my brain#hope you enjoyed regardless#some of these characters are my absolute babies#cough lucy cough#i love her and vi's relationship dont @ me#anyway#that's all folks#harry styles fic#harry styles fiction#harry styles fanfic#harry fic#harry fiction#harry fanfic#harry fluff#harry styles fluff#harry angst#harry styles angst#greener#writing#my writing#groovybaybee writing#groovybaybee#like#reblog#comment#message me#all that jazz
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ASKS
hey babies! i’ve decided to answer the asks about back to life one and two like this because ive received so so so many and you guys blew me away so answering every single one of them is the least i can do to show you guys just how grateful i am. thank you so much for giving both parts SO much love, i love and appreciate you guys and the support you’re constantly sending my way with my whole entire heart <33
BYE THE FIC IS SO GOOD SO FAR. MY ANXIETY THO FROM THE ENDING, LIKE PLS KYO REALIZE THE MCS ANXIETY PLS DONT GO OUT WITH SORA PLEASE PLEASE HE SEEN HOW SHE DIDNT LOOK OKAY WHEN HE CAME IN PLEASE REALIZE HER ANXIETY PLEASE
– THANK YOU SO SO MUCH BABY !! this was the very first ask about back to life and it’s honestly the cutest thing ever! I hc Kyoutani to be rally understanding of things like anxiety and depression, generally mental health so that’s why it was easy for him to understand the reader’s situation and mindset!
BACK TO LIFE!!!!!!!! MY HEART!!!!!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SO GOOD!!!!! i was really excited when you started posting about it!! i can't wait for part 2, i wanna know how they fix this!
AAAH !! thank you so much for the love and support baby!!!! I really hope you enjoyed part 2 just as much, sending you lots of smooches MWAH
OH MY GOD THE KYO FIC IS AMAZING
THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY !!!!!
OH MY GOD YOUR KYOUTANI FIC HAS ME ACTUALLY FROTHING I LOVE IT SM
IM NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAY THAT MY JAW ACTUALLY DROPPED AT THE LAST COUPLE PARAGRAPHS AS WELL I CANT WAIT FOR PART 2
AAAH YOU GUYS !!! this made me so happy !!! thank you so much and I hope part two met your expectations and you enjoyed the ending MWAH!!
HOLY FUCK THAT KYOUTANI FIC WHEW IT WAS SO SO GOOD IM SO EXCITED FOR PART 2
thank you for the food <33
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT BABY !!!
YOUR KYOTANI FIC AHHHHHHH my heart can’t handle this
I AM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT BABY !!!
OW THE END ON BACK TO LIFE HURTED THOUGH GDFGHJDFHJRY
Was overwhelmed by the hurty that I forgot to say how much I ADORE your characterization of Kyoutani. fdjkhgjkgdr
THANK YOU SO MUCH !! honestly- that means the world to me, probably the best compliment you can give me :((
Back to life was so good OMG 😳😳 HELLO??? You're amazing
Thank you so much, my love! it honestly is everything to me when you guys tell me such sweet things I love you so much MWAH!!
the new fic did not help me with my insecurities now i’m just frustrated and insecure. great writing tho.
honestly- same. when I wrote this, I lit indulgent every bit of my mind working into this fic and thats why it means so much to me ?? so youre not alone, my love; but thank you so much <33
The way I panicked at the end of the fic thinking there wasn’t gonna be more to it, holy shi that fox was so good I almost cried thinking they were just gonna end things like that 🥺🥺🥺🥺
I’d NEVER end a fic like that- I hate bad endings and cannot stand cliffhangers but the formatting didn't give me another choice im sorry for the heart attack baby kfhflashsj but am glad you liked it!
@au-roraaa said: ZADE I WAS NEVER A KYO FUCKER BUT I THINK YOUVE CONVERTED ME HOLY FUCKSJFJSJDJSN
THIS IS MY JOB AT THIS POINT I WANT YOU ALL TO TURN INTO KYOU FUCKERS KSSSOH
UR THE BEST WRITER WTF?? WHEN DO U THINK PART TWO WOULD BE UP... and does kyoutani flirt with sora 😣💔
YOU GUYS- NOOO- pls my heart made a loop :(( I love you so much :(( thank you baby and I think now you know what he does with sora MWAH
@kawakuto said: hi hi zade!🤩 (ajdjs idk if you remember me but i moved main blogs and I was @/gukooky before LOL) THE KYOUTANI FIC ANDJWNS I DIDNT EXPECT THE END WAHHHH🥺🥺 it was so well written omg I loved it!! (wtf kyoutani, you said we were going slow what if I wasn’t ready to call u my boyfriend wtffff😔😔 pain.)
AAAAH OFC I DO REMMEBER !! hope youre doing well baby !!! and thank you SO much for your sweet words, I honestly appreciate them so much :((<33
pls I’m in love with your writing. You write kyoutani so well so now I’ll always be grabbing at any crumbs you send my way 🥵
thank you so so so much baby!!!! these kinda words always hit me right at the heart, I appreciate them so much and I love you sm much
bb i love ur kyoutani fic sm :(( ur rlly so talented <33 i look forward to pt 2 ^3^
thank you so much baby, sending a smooch your way mwah
zade that kyoutani piece im in so much pain why would u do this to me 💔💔💔💔
believe me when I say It hurt me even more than you </3
I just finished reading part 2 and it waS SO GOODAJSFHJLFG you did amazing!! (n˘v˘•)¬
THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY !!!
Hi! New nonnie coming through :) First time I'm writing something because I'm such a nervous wreck but I just had to
THE FIC WAS SO GOOD THE VIBES ARE CHEFS KISS. IT WAS SO GOOD I LITERALLY DROOLED I CAN NOT GET OVER IT !
Mister kyotani pls rail me thanks 🐱
THANK YOU AAAH YOURE SO CUTE !!! I truly appreciate this with my whole entire heart so thank you so much baby, hope you have a good one mwah
Wait did he do anything with Sora?
nope!! they just went to the party together but in my mind he didn’t even hug her and she didn’t try anything else, too, simply bc she knew how in love he is with reader!!
YOUR MINDDDDD!! THE KYOU FIC WAS SOOOO GOOOD!! Omg i hope you do a part 3 😭😭
i have a Little sequel which is really really soft but I'd love to write some more for it!
@soranihimawari said: Part 1 & 2 with kyoutani was amazing as always Zade! I really liked the ending. This was such a fun read. I was wondering who’s else would be sharing the apartment with Kyoutani. What made you choose tattoo artist Iwa & Oikawa? Those two made me chuckle with the way they came in like that. Hope you have a great day/evening/late night/etc.
✌🏼&💜
—sora—
aaah thank you so so much, baby!! I truly appreciate your sweet words, youre the cutest! regarding your question: You shares an apartment with Iwa, Oikawa and Yahaba (who also works at the tattoo studio!) and i don't know to be really honest- I just like the thought of these three being really good friends so after contemplating whether or not to go with iwaoi or matsuhana, I ended up going with those two dorks! hope you have a good one baby mwah!!
@sakusapetals said: PLEASEE I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH
AAAH THANK YOU SO SO MUCH BABY !!! I LOVE YOU SM
How long did it take you to write the entire two parts? Like wow that’s alot👁👄👁 i adore long fics though
oooh- hm ?? tbh i don't really know ?? I can’t remember ?? I think it took me about a month or like three weeks since I did write it all in one go yk? it was the only WIP I worked on during that time and it felt SO relieving to publish it!
AAAHHH the kyou fic was a masterpiece bb!!! ❤️❤️
thank you so so so much baby!!<33
U LITERLALT WRIYE KYOU THE BEST ABSOLUTE BEST. he’s so aggressive and demanding but he still is willing to show someone special his vulnerability. I LOVE READING STUFF ABOUT HIM FROM U
AAAAH thank you so much- you guys have no idea how much these kinda comments mean to me- I love you so MUCH MWAH
I just read the first part of "back to life" an it had me speechless so many times, almost cried at the end, it's honestly so well written. I'm off to read part two. Have a nice day 🐰
sdoalfsla thank you so much baby! I hope you enjoyed both parts equally as much and thank you for all the love mwah!!<3
Hana is a baddie
SHE IS!! she’s literally the baddest bitch to ever exist ft. saeko ofc but nobody acknowledges it </3
@tonhwa said: I’m in love with the way you write kyoutani pls. Even your previous fics on your old account ( if you don’t mind me mentioning it ) are so fucking amazing. GOSH YOU CHARACTERIZE HIM SO WELL AND THE PLOT IS ALWAYS SO JUICY AND INTERESTING I CANT HELP BUT GO BACK AND READ IT. and then you release this fucking wonderful piece and I feel like it’s my birthday even though it’s already passed LOL ty ily have a wonderful day I’m sobbing tears of happiness
YOU GUYS PLEASE- the fact this made me tear up when I first read it- thank you SO much honestly. knowing you guys enjoy my characterization of my favorite character is honestly everything to me so thank you sm I love you baby have a good one!!<3
I’ve been on this app from high school, and now I’m a college grad. I have to say I’ve never sent a message to anyone I’ve followed. But that tattoo artist! Kyou fic, part 1 and 2 are 😩💕 *chefs kiss* you are one of my favorite writers I’ve ever followed since joining this app. You NEVER disappoint!
-💕 a very satisfied reader
thank you so much baby!! aaah this is honestly so so sweet :(( thank you for taking the time out of your day to send me such a sweet thing, I appreciate it and you so much mwah!!
i gotta say babe THANK YOU FOR THE KYOTANI CONTENT!! muAAAAHH💞💞
NOO THANK YOU GUYS FOR GIVING IT SO MUCH LOVE MWAH!!!
i love kyoutani and he obvs deserves his dick sucked 🤧🤧 but i catch him posting up with other girls I DONT CARE THE SITUATION he gonna catch these hands for a real one 👊🏼👆🏼🤜🏼🥊🥊 kidding 😐😐😐 he’d body me
pls the way this had me chuckling like crazy bc same sajlskjpw he can get mad all he want but he better stay his pretty ass where he is- by my side 😌
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Plans For This Blog 😯
so I know I've been pretty mia the past few months 😬 I want to apologize for that. if Im being honest, this site just hasn't been hitting the way it used to, what with people leaving, exo not really doing anything, and the whole creator neglect stuff. Like a lot of other people on here, I haven't really been motivated to do anything writing wise, nor get any joy/hype when things do happen in my respective fandoms.
Ive been doing a lot of thinking on whether or not I wanted to continue posting fanfic and this led me to the title of this post.
so, here are my plans for my blog!!!
I lowkey want a rebrand, so Ill probably be changing my url soon (prob as soon as I post this tbh)
I will be on here more!!! I really want to get back into loving both writing AND reading fics and interacting more with my followers, mutuals, and those that I follow as well. (I need to follow more people tho, cause my timeline is deaaaaad)
now, when it comes to my works.... here is what I have decided!!!
I still have like, 10 drabbles left. For those who are still waiting for their request, I am so fucking sorry!!!! Words cannot explain how fucking SICK I feel for making you wait for so long 😔. You have every right to be annoyed, but I promise I will get on them!!! I am hoping to have them done by the end of the year 😬 thank you for your patience!!!! 💖
I was going to wait until I finally hit my first 1000, but that's been practically impossible ever since I stopped really going on here, so Im just going to start posting my next project, which is.... POSTING MY UNFINISHED WORKS!!!! I have 21 (yes, read that) stories that ive been sitting on (some for years) that I prob will never finish, but are still really good!!! Ill prob post one every other day until they are all out. I doubt they will get any traction, lmaoo, but that leads me to my next bullet
Since Im still a relatively small writer, the notes discourse has been a lot for me, but I never really get lots of notes to begin with, so Im going to not care at all!!!!! At least TRY to haha. Ill post stories bc I like them and if you fucks with that, I fucks with you!!! Point, blank, periodt!!! Im tired of the atmosphere thats been created here, so I will be changing my mental when it comes to it so that I can have more enjoyable moments!!!
When it comes to the future of my writings, Im sure you probably gathered that I will still be posting fanfic on here and it will still be for ot9. I used to post drabble games every time I hit another hundred, but that proved to be a bit too stressful for me. Im not sure what Im going to be doing with drabble games, bc I know a lot of you found me and like me bc of those, but, imma be honest, I'm burnt out on them.
Ill be focusing more on my scenarios, but I think the format for them will change. I can't go into full details on what this means exactly, bc im still playing around with what I want to actually do, but once I truly figure it out, you all will be the first to know!!!
I want to thank everyone who is still following me, thank you for your patience and I hope now that everyone is quitting writing fics I will now become the new fic writing queen lmfaoooo jkjk. I appreciate you all and hope you enjoy the plans I have in store!!!!!! Lets all blow a kiss to baldy jongdae okay???? 😘
#hope you all are doing well!!!!#I really miss this site#and my mutuals 🥺#y'all still here?????#anyways this is my truth#bet#mine#my writing
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LMAOO I WAS GONNA BRING UP FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLIDER BUT I WASNT SURE IF YOU WERE WATCHING IT HSKAJ (are you liking it? i know it’s only the first episode but ya know, another one tomorrow night- well tomorrow night for me, and did you like wandavision?? i loved it!!)
oh my goodness i’m watching lion king while writing this and i haven’t seen it in a while and i am..... emotional. but anyway, i love that streaming services think that imma pay for them while they charge $50 a month. like yes of course i have that kind of money and i am going to give it to you to watch tv 🙄 that $50 is budgeted to sims thank you. (ALSO SIMS!!! i’ll get to that in a minute) now see if i don’t google levidia right this minute LMAOO, not that i’m gonna use it.. just for the research...
AND HDKSHS SEND THAT CHAOS WALKING LINK LMAO i saw it for the third time with a different one of my friends and she wasn’t the best one to see it with? she literally was on her fucking phone and i was like ok whatever her loss not mine, and idk if you’ve read the books or if you’ve seen it by now, but by the end of the whole movie, after they’ve confirmed THE THING throughout the whole movie she asked the dumbest question and i’m like diD YOU NOT WATCH THE MOVIE, and i guess she didn’t. so. this sounds so vague but i don’t wanna spoil the movie for you just in case lol.
THE STORY LMAOO, so A DIFFERENT FRIEND LOL, like my oldest bff, we had a day together and we wanted to go see chaos walking. and i honest to God thought that no one would be seeing this movie. like NO ONE. every day, i checked the theater seating and no one was there right? plus i really wanted us to have the theater to ourselves. so we sit in the wrong seats, the row in front of us, STILL THINKING WE’RE ALONE. and then these 3 older people came in AND IM ABOUT TO SCREAM FHSJSH AND IM LIKE “are we in your seats?” and they we were like uh yeah, AND IT WAS SO BAD LMAOO , we’re moving and everything would’ve been FINE but my friend’s reclined seat was going down so slow and as it’s going shes LITERALLY SAYING ALOUD “awkward awkward awkward” so she thinks forget it, lemme just get up. HER BAG GETS CAUGHT ON HER CHAIR AND HER FRIES AND THEY SPILL ALONG WITH HER HONEY MUSTARD 😭😭 ALL OVER THE FLOOR! so i’m trying not to laugh lmao but those aren’t even our seats and we just made a mess, so naturally, i get on the floor and start cleaning it up with my napkins (this is going for too long) AND MY FRIEND IS STILL SAYING “awkward awkward awkward awkward” and i’m really abt to crack up bECAUSE LIKE SHUT UP HAHAHA and we’re cleaning it and shit and the oldest lady is gonna say “yeah you’re not gonna make an old lady get on the floor, are you?” AND I WANTED TO LAUGH AND SCREAM AT THE SAME TIME BC DID WE ASK YOU TO, NO, so then i had to get the manager and she helped us clean it, we got new fries and everything was fine, it’s just a crazy story bc LITERALLY WE COULDVE AVOIDED IT AND EVERYTHING BUT THESE ELDERLY PEOPLE HAD TO COME AND SEE THIS MOVIE😭😭 at least the gentlemen was nice.. he helped us clean. but then his wife was like “i aM nOt siTTiNg tHeRe” and at first i thought she was a teenager bc of her stink attitude but her husband was nice. and it’s not like we weren’t cleaning it up, we were!!! like i was so apologetic- anyway.
about sims! do you play console or pc? wait,, you already told me you play pc bc your computer was broken, i’m glad you can play now though :’)) litetally when i read in the tags that you’re playing sims !!!! and are you hyped for bunk beds? i have cc so i’ve had them for a bit, but they were glitchy... but i’m so excited we have them now! i should really play sims today...
GURL IM SO PROUD OF YOU 🥺🥲 i know you aren’t fluent in everything and you aren’t a linguistic genius LMAO but it’s still soooo amazing :’) here i am reading the captions while ur just going hahah, yea i tried duolingo but.... i didn’t stick to it HDJSH talking to you though makes me so interested because you know all these languages, not even studying them like that, but you have this foundation and ahh it’s just super cool. LOL YOU DONT SOUND LAME HAJA IM TELLING YOU ITS SO SO COOL, i’m loving this lesson btw oh my goodness- HSKAJS YOU THOUGHT I WOULD ALREADY KNOW THAT??? HDYSJHS MY ONLY ENGLISH SPEAKING ASS??? HAHAHAHHAH i find that word (Rindfleischetikettie- i’m not gonna write the whole thing i’m sorry) very interesting... like... wow. did you have to google that or did you just know lmao
OKAH THE WATER THING HDKDJDKS UR GONNA TERRIFY ME HAHAH OH MY LORD- first of all CROATIA 😍😍 but thinking about it like that, I WOULD FREAK OUT TOO HAHSGSG i never go that deep into the water, or if i do i have my dad with me lol and i kind of hold onto him bc ive seen/heard too many things about people being dragged into the sea. but i loveee the water (i wanted to be a mermaid soooo bad ohmigosh)
I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ONE CANNOT LIKE MUSIC ITS AWFUL !! lmao yeah i haven’t even listened to harry’s his first album, everyone says they love it more. I WAS GONNA SAY IMMA LISTEN TO ONLY ANGEL BUT THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE IT HUHAHAH also i have never listened to anything by mgk (i actually had to google who he was IM SORRY😔) i’m tempted to listen tho lol PLEASE JUSTIN BIEBER- I PROMISE IM NOT LAUGHING AT U IVE JUSY NEVER HAD SOMEONE SAY THAT B4!! like i don’t know many people who’ve liked him bUT NOW IM GONNA LISTEN & the cardboard cutout- okay. 😭😭😭
oh my goodness to see the vamps live 🤧 TO SEE ANYONE LIVE PLEASE JJDGSHAHGD and little mix is so good oh my goodness- i actually haven’t been to that many concerts.. i was at my first one, elsie fest (it’s like a broadway thing really) in uhhh october of 2019, yea i took my mom for her birthday bc she loves darren criss and i’m obsessed with glee lmao OH MY GOODNESS YOUVE BEEN TO SO MANY!!! and those are such great artists 😩😩
LMAO UR FINE, hamilton is a musical that lin manuel miranda wrote and i think generally made? i’m obsessed, but basically it was on broadway and then recorded and put on disney+ ... idk i guess it counts a film bc it’s like a movie really cuz it was recorded but in what 2018 or 2016? i don’t remembers the date that is on disney+ but it’s strange how i got into it, a lot of my friends were obsessed and i was like uhh why? and while researching it and watching it, trying to figure out why people love it... i fell in love with it LMAO but the music is FANTASTIC and lin is incredible😭 but yes yes yes i loveeeee high school musical!! my dad actually took my cousins to see it on ice or something (i absolutely forget lmao) but i don’t know how people don’t know hsm. it upsets me.
OKAY IM DOWN TO THE BOTTOM HAHAHA (it takes me so long to respond, now i’m on lion king 2 WHICH IS SO GOOD PLEASE FHHSSHHSHSH) i could respond in chunks but i kind of enjoy responding like this? it feels a bit like a letter but if this whole thing is overwhelming i’ll cut it up lol
+ yes that was me about your fic and sleep and everything lol but it was so good😭 i don’t understand how you write peter so well like you have this ability to capture his.. everything? i’m crine. all the time. over your fics. & i cannot describe my happiness for youuuu :’) i’m so happy you’re writing again 🥺🥰 the thing about how you only want to write the long peter fic but you don’t know how to continue... i feel that so so so hard, i don’t think i told you but ughh i was so blah bc of that feeling of having pent up inspiration for only one fucking thing and not being able to write it. it’s so frustrating 😭
not to add more to this but i need to vent a bit? the situation is definitely different bc with your major it obviously requires for you to ya know, know english lol, but uhm bc i’m homeschooled ive been cheating on all my work SHSHDHSJ like i google the answers but i’m still learning! it’s just..... i find it so unnecessary, like going for an audition no one is gonna say to me “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” like tf??? there’s literally no point. i’m gonna be getting into voice lessons again soon and i’m already doing dance, AND i’ll be doing this summer camp program (more hamilton lol) and thinking about school is only making me stress more, like i haven’t been able to rehearse dance at all this week bc of it...... so
hahaha reading your tags, lonely anon would still be accurate HAHAHHAHA // another add: yea i love ur current theme, i’ve gotten used to “seeing you” like this, but anything will look super pretty :)) ALSO HOW IS IT STILL SNOWING THERE, i swear it’s getting warmer and warmer by the day here 😭🤧
these long ass posts, my gosh🥲 lonely lovely anon <3
Omg yes it does feel like a letter sldkdj and then the few days of waiting also make more sense okay i love this ❣️💕❤️💓❤️💞🧡💜💘(wtf)sksjhz
Dear lovely anon,
ALSKSJVKD yes i‘m liking falcon and winter soldier dlkdh i haven‘t watched the second episode yet but i‘ll watch it tomorrow! but i didn‘t watch wandavision........ eidislskks i was going to but idk i wasn‘t that interested in it and watching series is already too much of a commitment (what can i say i‘m a Sagittarius—🤧 (no i’m joking i actually know NOTHING about starsigns)) didjj that i couldn‘t force myself to watch it, ALSO i hate (idk if this is an unpopular opinion) when every episode is like a whole hour. i‘m rewatching an old series today (it‘s german so i won‘t even get into it) and the episodes are 25 mins each and i‘ve already watched 8 episodes today ridlndjdjd,,, and i feel like if the episodes were an hour each i wouldn‘t have gotten past episode 2 today like idk.... even if series had the same length in total, i prefer when the individual episodes are shorter idk why tho tbh (so yeah i already wasn‘t 100% convinced about watching wandavision so i just couldn’t make myself watch a bunch of 1hour episodes— i‘ve heard that it‘s good tho- but i‘m not much of a series person so. Dldkk (have we talked about this already??? sorry i don‘t remember what i said lol and i couldn‘t find my own post anymore so dkdjsh) (WAIT I JUST CHECKED THE WANDAVISION EPIOSRDES ARENT EVEN THAT LONG??? Okay wait i might watch it now - did you like it? let me know if i should watch it— why did i think they were 60minutes???)
okay another confession i‘ve never watched the lion king????? i mean i watched it when i was a child but i was too young to actually pay attention to any kind of plot i just liked the songs lol sldkdj i‘ve been meaning to watch it for years tho 🦁 (idk it just felt appropriate to put a lion emoji lmoaoo)
OH MY GOD THE CHAIS WALKING/CINEMA STORY AHSJSKKS😭😭😭😭 NOOOOO (very fitting that there was so much chaos when you were watching a film that has chaos in the title loool) and the “awkward awkward awkward“ SAME SKSKSLSKDJ, that‘s literally me 24/7 ahajshshhshshsh. Like i was so skdjdjdkdllsldksnsnsnsb while i read what you sent me djslslsjdjdbdn why are old ladies always so grumpy btw 🥲🥲🥲 at least the man was nice tho! and wait did i read that right... you have fries (which, to me, are called chips dusuusldk) at your cinemas?? (Movie theatres sorry sksjsh) we just have popcorn and nachos and drinks i want chips too when i‘m watching a film what😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺
Also i still haven’t watched it so thanks for not spoiling it!!! (idk when i’ll watch it i’m so bad with films and even worse with series💀💀💀- same with cherry. i literally forgot all about cherry, i was SO hyped when the trailer came out like i’ve never been so excited about a movie... and then it came out... and i still haven‘t watch it like what‘s wrong with me???? Dkdjdjdjdklsl i feel like i‘m not gonna watch it anytime soon tbh, but i wanna watch chaos walking i just have to find the time
Okay and @ your other friend who wasn‘t paying attention like why are you even watching the film then???? but ok (omg this sounds so mean i‘m sure she‘s very nice but in this situation just like❔❔❔)
SIMS ahhh, BUNK BEDS, ahhhh sdljdjdjdkdkdldksj i actually haven‘t played it since the update 🤧🤧 i made both of my sims (enisa (bestselling author already, thank you) and michael (aspiring doctor)) go to university and bro it takes so long 😭😭 and you can‘t do anything else if you want them to do well so literally the last three times i played sims i was just constantly clicking their homework and computerd to write their assignments (i play it in german so idk what its called on the sims) and do their presentations and do them all over again so that they get better or whatever for HOURS, but imma play again soon
also i‘m living my fanfiction life loool, so i made my two sims neighbours (on the same plot tho but i made two small separate houses lol, i still wanted to control both of them at the same time but i made sure they didn‘t interact before i wanted them to skdjdjdk). and first they both experimented and got some experience in the love department you know (all genders, cause i have to live my sexuality even in a pc game slskdjh— wait, i‘ve never lived my sexuality irl like i‘ve done NOTHING nothing with guys nothing with girls (🥲) but maybe that’s why i want to do it even more in the sims) and then they met at uni and realised like hey we‘re neighbours and now they‘re together (but michael accidentally had an alien baby with another woman (who was an alien which i was not aware of) cause i wasn‘t paying attention like i said woohoo not try for baby like michael why is your pull out game so weak tf LSHDDHDJDJSKKDKSKDKS okay but making out and flirting and doing all the fun stuff in the sims turns me on way more than it should PFAHAHHAHSH) so idk why i told you this but I’m creating that neighbour!au in the sims lmaoooo
i did not have to google Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsübertragungsaufgabengesetz (just did it again😌 sisjshhs) but i might have mixed up the words überwachung und übertragung or i might have even forgotten a word skskks but in the end it doesn‘t matter (by linkin park- ok i‘m so sorry it‘s 2 am and i have a headache from having waveformers in my hair all day but i still wanted to reply to this now so sorry if i‘m not making any sense right nowbahahshah)
i wanted to be a mermaid too dldjdksksj like h2O and all those series convinced me i could be one like. i remember i‘d always go in the deep pool and attempt to swim like them in all the series with that wave motion i must have looked so crazy with my goggles as well dkdjsksöksj (i was like twelve but still)
so mgk has two sides one is hip hop/rap which is like ~~~~ idk he has good and bad songs, but his latest album is like punk pop snd I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH, so if you like punk pop I’d recommend his album tickets to my downfall (i don‘t blame yoj if you don‘t like it tho like about a year ago i would have HATED that type of music dkdkdkkd)🥴
Okay talking about music, there‘s this german rapper and he is... not a good person. he‘s literally a criminal and extremely sexist but to me he‘s still hot???????? he‘s even cute at times even tho he has tattoos everywhere and is like 6‘5 and is super aggressive but i see him and i‘m like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 my heart beats only for you💘💘💘💘and he released a new song today and i watched the video and i‘m wondering wtf is wrong with me 😃 (he did look particularly cute cause he was high so idk he wasn’t really aggressive in this one) 😭 so i thought i‘d share that LMAO IDK
(not saying tattoos aren‘t cute btw i LOVE tattoos imma get some soon, but you know he looks like someone your grandma would be afraid of (and in his case rightfully so💀)
okay wait i‘m getting so tired it‘s 2 am i think i‘ll have to do the rest tomorrow but i wanted to do it now😭🥺🥺 see you tomorrow
it is now 3:42 am and i couldn‘t sleep so here we go again
girl you can laugh at me for liking justin tho skskks i wanna laugh at myself idk, like i said i really really really liked him a few years go, basically my life was at least 50% justin and then he went on a break for a while and released an album last year which i hated 🥴 but this album is wow. (Still weird to me because it‘s literally the definition of pop and i don‘t ever listen to pop?) and it‘s so weird because i used to know so much about justin and had so many friends who loved him as well and now it‘s like I’m listening to someone new? Don‘t get me wrong i never KNEW justin and i never will and i‘m aware of that shahsh but yeah i used to be soooo used to him and it‘s like reconnecting with an old friend and you realise you don‘t know that friend anymore- like you don‘t know them anymore at all. I mean justin is weird nowadays 😂😂😂 so pls laugh at me tbh dskksjsjsh
awww it‘s so wholesome that you gave your mom tickets to the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i gave my mum tickets for pink like 2 years ago and she loved it so much and i was like 🥰🥰🥰 (i went with her) AND OMG GLEE ok so unfortunately i barely remember glee, but i used to watch it too!!!! And it‘s actually on my list of series i wanna watch (again) so youre making me want to watch it even more (but like i said i‘m bad with series so 😩😩😩 who knows when i‘ll rewatch it)
When all this pandemic shit is over (let‘s be hopeful <3333) then you need to go to as many concerts as possible!!!!! i‘ve been to SO MANY and it‘s literally one of the things in my life i‘m the most grateful for, concerts are some of the best experiences i‘ve ever had in my life especially the ones that are in smaller concert halls where you can feeeel the vibe and everyone‘s energy (and that sounds awful thinking about it mid-pandemic 😐) anyway—
Okay omg you‘re absolutely making me want to watch hamilton right now like omg i WANT TO WATCH IT NOW but it‘s 4 am sodndkdldl
what you said about my peter fics🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺like omg i love these emojis they literally just describe how i felt when reading what you said so, yes, 🥰🥺 + thank you :) it really means a lot <3
and no omg i totally get the studying thing. like last year before i graduated .. was that last year? yes wtf omg okaykdjdj, so the last three months before i had my final exams we were just in a lockdown and we didn‘t even have online classes. We had nothing except one teacher who left our group chat (😭) because she was mad at us (?) and one maths teacher who did an online ““lesson““ once a week. he‘d ask: so does anyone have questions. us: . Him: okay, bye then. So. Yeah dndldldj. But we had one online test and it was in german and like i read the book wee were supposed to read? but the questions on the test were all unanswerable (is that a word?) and i had to google everything (got an A tho 🤪 but only because i googled everything so i was so scared that i wouldn‘t be able to get a good result on the final exam because what if i‘d gotten used to just googling everything and i couldn‘t do it by myself anymore? anyway it was all fine in the end but yeah at times i couldn‘t even study because i had so much anxiety about studying and yeah- like this whole annoying cycle. but you said you‘re still studying———- okay wait 👁👄👁 i forgot what i was going to say??????????????????????????????????????????????????? Like wtf. Is wrong with me? And i‘m reading what you wrote again and i just don‘t know what i was going to say? Like i get what you‘re saying obviously but i‘m like? Idk 4am brain ayeee, please vent more if you need to and elaborate further because right now i‘m???? Too dumb to respond to this right now wtf. I‘m so sorry lmao ddlkdjdjd what is even going on like i‘m sitting here open mouthed just like ? But btw the fact that you have Voice and dance lessons is like SO FUCKING COOL like oh my god that is sosososos cool wtf, i was thinking that when you first talked about it too
And “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” ODHDKSLDBDJDOFIDKDNDLDK
Yes i know about the weather dkdkdkjd but it‘s getting (a lot) warmer here too and where i live we kind of get a weird type of wind called föhn (which literally means hair dryer but idk if that‘d the reason why it‘s called that, i‘m too tired to think of whether it makes sense rn) and it gives me headachesssssss and the changing weather is also giving me headaches 😭😭😭😭 so this season right now is just headache season and i hate summer so i wish it would just snow again lmao (okay it‘s getting so late that it‘s early already snd i can hear this bird chirping so fucking loud wtf i‘m also getting a headache 🤧🤧🤧) but at least i can do my new theme soon (i hope it‘ll look good🥺 and omg thank you for what you said about my current theme- i always feel like i‘m so bad with aesthetics, i obviously like my theme but i feel like every single person on tumblr has a theme that is prettier than mine so it was very nice to hear you say that you love it👉🏼👈🏼 (i‘m so used to it by now that i actually hate it lmao so it‘s getting yeeted soon and i‘m making megan thee stallion my pfp 🤪 (if the graphics and shit works out skdjdjdj)
#lovely anon#<333#okay its so late now i dont wanna post it now in case i‘m too tired to notice losds of mistakes#but i also wanna post it now so.#*loads#i‘m posting it#and i absolutely do not mind if you answer like this!!!! but if you ever do feel like it‘s too much or you uust want to respond to one thing#in particular sooner then pls go ahead! <3
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My Wife Has An 18 Hour Drive Fic Rec Roundup
I wanted to make a fic rec post for the insane amount of Untamed fic ive been reading anyways, and Chi @got2ghost is driving halfway across the country tomorrow, so there’s no time like the present to put all of the really great fics ive read over the past couple of weeks in one location! Let’s get it poppin!
Ones That Chi Already Read:
A Lot of Edges Called Perhaps by hansbekhart (Wangxian, E, 21k)
The funny part is - and it is a little funny, even if Wei Wuxian has no one left to share the joke with - they never have. Not anything. He has never kissed any part of Lan Zhan besides his slim hands; never been even partially undressed with him anywhere besides a miserable, xuanwu-infested cave. It’s always been like this between them, this simmering need, this desperate understanding: a knowledge so deep that it lives somewhere in his bones, that if he wanted to have Lan Zhan he could have him, and if Lan Zhan wanted Wei Wuxian he could have that too. But they never have.
I found this fic on someone’s blog when they said that it was the definitive fic to read directly after finishing the series so i saved it, read it directly after finishing the series, and felt completely and wholly fulfilled by the resolution found in this fic. 10/10 cant recommend enough.
One Rouge Spark In My Direction by hansbekhart (Lan Wangji/Xiao Xingchen/Song Lan E, 5k)
He’d thought, in Yueyang, that they’d seen something in each other, something familiar. That maybe they’d recognized something in him. But it’s been many years, and many things have happened since, and he’s guessed wrongly at other people’s hearts before. Lan Wangji looks back down at the table, at his steaming, bitter tea. He’ll beg if he has to.
In “A Lot Of Edges Called Perhaps” Wangji mentions that he has had sex before and this is the in-universe story of that time and WHEW BABY!!!! AHHHHHH!!!
Gathered Herbs & Sweet Grasses by hansbekhart (Laz Sizhui & Lan Wangji, G, 19k)
Later, when he’s older, it’s this that A-Yuan will remember most: the stretch of silence, the two of them both dirty and shaking with fever, as he looked at Brother Rich, and Brother Rich looked back at him.
This is a fic about Lan Wangji raising Sizhui from when he brings him back from the Burial Mounds until they bring Wuxian back to Cloud Recesses after he’s resurrected. It made me cry about 18 times and I consider it fully canon in relation to the show. I reread this fic at LEAST once a week. *chefs kiss*
Seldom All They Seem by Fahye (Wangxian, E, 25k)
or, one hundred and thirty-three principles of the Gusu Lan, pertaining to the state of marriage
***
He bows to Wei Wuxian, sword in hand, sleeves falling properly. Wei Wuxian bows in return, and the sect leaders begin the opening courtesies, and for all of ten minutes Lan Wangji is under the impression that he is betrothed to a boy who is perfectly normal and acceptable apart from an unfortunate tendency to fidget with his clothes.
That impression does not last.
A canon-divergent fic exploring “what if Wangji and Wuxian were betrothed from when they were young like Yanli and the peacock?” It’s extremely good and very compelling and also made me cry multiple times. (The confrontation in the rain doesn’t get any easier even if they’re betrothed!)
Half Cloak & Half Dagger by Fahye (Lan Xichen/Meng Yao, E, 13k)
Jin Guangyao lifts his head and smiles. "I'm considering a problem."
"Can I be of any assistance with it?"
He drops a kiss on Lan Xichen's chest. With the nail of one finger he lightly traces the characters for irony on Lan Xichen's side. "Not this one, er-ge."
In the “Seldom All They Seem” universe but focused on xiyao. Has hands down the best written characterization of meng yao in any fic ive read so far. I continuously come back to this fic just to read the absolutely genius way this author writes the Head Bitch In Control of the cultivation world.
Hurricane by gdgdbaby (Wangxian, E, 6k)
"Haven't you heard?" Nie Huaisang replied, clicking his tongue, though he was clearly pleased that he could be the one to break the news. He leaned in to announce with a dramatic flourish: "Lan Wangji just took emergency family leave this past weekend."
WANGXIAN AS SPIRK STAR TREK PON FAR AU!!!!!!!!!!!!! WEEWOO WEEWOO WEEWOO!!!!!!!! This was actually recced to ME by CHI and I have not stopped thinking about this fic for a full month. It’s like author gdgdbaby sat down one day and was like “Tumblr user Liv Scottspack deserves everything she wants in this life.” and then wrote this fic. Thank you author gdgdbaby, I love you.
Ones That Chi Has Yet To Read:
My Age Has Never Made Me Wise by idrilka (Wangxian, E, 63k)
“We hear that His Excellency might be married by summer’s end,” the merchant’s wife says and Wei Wuxian freezes, his heart in his throat. “The Gusu Lan sect has been buying enough red silk and brocade that the merchants in Caiyi can’t satisfy the demand.”
He feels himself grow brittle inside, like a flick of a finger to his temple might make him shatter. His ears are ringing.
“Who’s the lucky bride?” he asks despite himself. His tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth.
Or: The story of a marriage.
I LOVE THIS FIC. The absolute best kind of slow burn and I think such an extremely accurate representation of the canon material. I’m always surprised by the authors in this fandom’s ability to write shit that is so concretely grounded in the universe. This could and should be a real companion novel. Amazing. I love it.
The Year of Drought by idrilka (Wangxian, E, 24k)
Wei Ying could not be contained by the walls of the Cloud Recesses, alive again and overflowing with it, bursting like a dam in spring with the force of two lives unspent. And so he had to go. Lan Wangji understands that—he understood it when Wei Ying told him of his plans, looking at Lan Wangji above the rim of his cup with an apologetic smile, like craving freedom was something to apologize for.
Wei Ying would go, and Lan Wangji would see him off; this has always been the only way it could be.
Or: In the absence of Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji waits.
The previous fic but from Wangji’s perspective. Absolutely required reading if you read the other one. Wangji baby.......i love you.....
A Civil Combpaign by Ariaste (Jin Ling/Lan Sizhui, T, 20k)
“And,” said one of the pompous ministers, “there’s the matter of a marriage to consider as well!”
Jin Ling, who at the beginning of that sentence had expected to slam into the very last wall of his patience and lose his temper entirely, paused. “A what?”
Thing was… it wasn’t such a bad idea.
Jin Ling gets it in his head that as sect leader he should get married and sets his sights on Lan Sizhui. I cannot stress enough how FUCKING CUTE this fic is!!! Sizhui being the best boy! Jin Ling having more uncles than he knows what to do with! Jiang Cheng being the worst at relationship advice! It’s so fucking good it love it so much.
Anyway, Here’s Wuji by kakikaeru (Lan Jingyi/Lan Sizhui, T, 18k)
The melody gets a little clearer when he breaks out of the trees, and Jingyi changes course with certainty, barreling down the back hill and through the Cloud Recesses, dodging scandalized disciples left and right. He throws open the doors to the Receiving Hall without announcement and bows nearly double, eyes on the floor instead of on the shocked faces of the Mei delegation and the impenetrable gaze of the Chief Cultivator.
"Forgive this disciple," Jingyi shouts, because he's going to get punished for rule breaking regardless. "From the back hill, Hanguang-jun, there is a song in the wind!"
Lan Jingyi comes of age.
A Jingyi-central fic about Jingyi growing up and falling in love and being a hero and being the second best boy of my heart right after Sizhui. Not only is this fic sweet and romantic but it’s another one that explores a lot of interesting things within canon and all of the supporting characters are written very well and are just as interesting as second best boy Jingyi.
Ok, JiuJiu by kakikaeru (Jin Ling/Ouyang Zizhen, T, 16k)
Uncle's jaw works in the way that suggests he's about to say something irredeemable. Jin Ling, in a move of diplomacy he hopes the Chief Cultivator appreciates, distracts him with spicy food and his favourite subject: the incompetence of his own officials.
"I hear the lakes in the south east are having drainage problems?" he asks nonchalantly, sticking three big slices of braised pork belly into his Uncle's bowl.
Jin Ling just wants to get through the Discussion Conference with his Sect, his dignity, and his heart intact.
A follow up fic to “Anyways, Here’s Wuji.” I LOVE the Jin Ling/Ouyang Zizhen dynamic of Jin Ling having been raised by Jiang “I keep all my emotions right here and then one day I’ll die” Cheng being hopelessly charmed and smitten with Ouyang “President of the I Love Love Romance Novel Book Club” Zizhen! I LOVE IT! EXTREMELY CUTE!
This Side of Paradise by greenfionn (Wei Wuxian/Wen Qing, E, 3k)
Wei Wuxian does some very quick math in his head that goes something like this: He is pretty sure he’s in love with Lan Zhan - Lan Zhan is not here and likely never will be here - Wen Qing is here, not to mention very hot and let us not forget, actually interested in sex with him - there’s a solid chance he goes genuinely crazy or dies, or both, in the next few months and really, who wants to die a virgin?
Listen.......the fic premise is “Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing, noted bisexuals, figure life sucks enough at the Burial Mounds, they might as well have any fun they can before they die” and........I Am Looking Directly At It. It features Wen Qing bossing Wei Wuxian around and Wei Wuxian’s canon he-wants-to-be-pregnant kink. It’s........I liked it.
To The Act of Making Noise by words-writ-in-starlight (Lan Sizhui & Lan Wangji, G, 19k)
His father in white plays the song late into the night, and when A-Yuan wakes up confused and afraid, the guqin lulls him back to sleep.
Lan Sizhui hears his father play the same song every night for his whole life, and never, ever get an answer.
Another very moving and heartwarming fic about Lan Wangji raising Sizhui and Sizhui figuring out Wangji’s past and then eventually reconnecting with Wei Wuxian. It’s cute and soft and Sizhui is my best boy!
History (Proud To Call Your Own) by words-writ-in-starlight (Wen Ning, G, 5k)
“A-Yuan? Um—Lan-gongzi,” Wen Ning corrects, trying to set a good example. The children are young, seven and eight, exactly a dozen of them lined up in two crisp lines of tiny blue and white robes. Wen Ning can feel them staring at him, even though most of them have already mastered that Lan trick of neutrality. The smallest, a little girl with liquid dark eyes, is clinging to her nearest shijie’s sleeve and half-hiding. “Can I—what can I do for you?”
Wen Ning gets himself recruited for services, while he and Sizhui are visiting Cloud Recesses. Wei Wuxian gets a fan club.
Set in the same universe as “To The Act of Making Noise,” a very cute fic about Wen Ning finding his place in the post-canon world and being proud of his cousin Sizhui and being the world’s best substitute teacher. As the official Wen Ning Fan Club President, I had to include this.
Lan Sizhui's Guide to Courtship by Kimblydot (Lan Sizhui/Lan Jingyi, T, 23k)
In which Jingyi is a little oblivious, Sizhui is patient (and should have said something in the beginning), and everyone else is resigned to watching them dance around each other for far longer than necessary.
(Or: five things Sizhui tries to do in his courtship, and the one time Jingyi realizes there was one happening in the first place.)
I’ll stop describing fics about the juniors as being “cute” when they stop being SO FUCKING CUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Grow by cafecliche (Lan Sizhui & Wei Wuxian, T, 14k)
“Okay,” Jingyi says, as Sizhui puzzles this out aloud. “Okay! So the demon has been turning its victims into children.”
“I think so,” Sizhui says.
“To make them easier prey,” Jingyi says.
“Yes,” Sizhui says.
“So—” Jingyi’s voice cracks here, “this kid is Senior Wei.”
Wei Wuxian, still tangled in his own massive robes, blinks politely at them.
(Or: Wei Wuxian is cursed on a night-hunt, and the junior quartet rapidly finds themselves in over their heads.)
What I expected to be a goofy, silly fic turned out to be extremely emotional and made me FULLY CRY! It’s a very moving fic about Sizhui coming to understand himself and Wei Wuxian a lot better AND features all of the juniors arguing over who’s turn it is to hold 6 year old Wei Wuxian. A true win/win of a fic.
Your Name, Safe In Their Mouth by astrolesbian (Lan Sizhui & Wei Wuxian, G, 10k)
“You’ve got a fever,” Wei Wuxian says soothingly. “You just keep still as well as you can. We’ll have you fixed up soon.”
Lan Sizhui recognizes his tone—this is the voice that Wei Wuxian uses on hurt people and young children, a very calm and no-nonsense voice that has none of the mischief and cheer of the way he sounds the rest of the time. Lan Sizhui looks up and meets his eyes, and they are dark, stormy gray, muddled and concerned.
“I’m all right,” he croaks.
“Hush,” Wei Wuxian says, in a low croon, like someone quieting a baby. Then he blinks, and looks away, awkward. “I mean—you shouldn’t speak. You’re tired. Rest if you need to.”
or: lan sizhui gets sick on a night hunt. wei wuxian comforts him. they both have a lot of feelings about it.
The Wei Wuxian and Sizhui bonding fic that I so desperately desperately needed to read. Scratched the very particular itch of “but have they REALLY talked about what it means that they’re reunited after 16 years???”
Stainless by Fahye (Wangxian, E, 6k)
"I'm starting to feel," says Lan Xichen, "that this was a counterproductive suggestion."
Wei Wuxian looks down onto the pristine, tranquil cold springs of the Cloud Recesses. Sitting in the water, their bare shoulders rising like dumplings carefully spaced in a steaming-basket, are a large number of Lan disciples.
"They seem to be doing better," he says, encouragingly. "If they--oh, no, I see what you mean."
At the near bank, someone has pressed someone else against the rocks and is kissing them frantically.
It’s smut! What is getting into a new pairing if not an excuse to read sex pollen in new and exciting ways!
Sweet Night by thejillyfish (Wangxian, E, 10k)
It was like coming back to life again, like being restitched into existence, cell by cell, nerve by nerve. From the surface of his skin to the marrow of his bones, everything new and purposeful. Like being pulled back from oblivion into an embrace of pure light. A feeling of absolute asylum.
That’s what it felt like, to realize Lan Wangji was in love with him.
In-show au of “what if they just admitted they’re in love and fucked during episode 43?” Soft and romantic and hot!
Shadows In The Sun Rise by Yuu_chi (Wangxian, E, 25k)
“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji says, voice slow and a pitch too quiet. A second later Wei Wuxian understands why. “I cannot hear.”
Or; Lan Wangji is cursed into internal isolation. Their ability to understand one another remains as unwavering as ever.
OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. I have been thinking about this fic nonstop since I read it. It is.....fucking incredible. One of the best qualities of wangxian is that they’re so in tune with each other and able to work so cohesively with little communication and this fic is like “what if we take that and DIAL IT UP TO ELEVEN” and i was like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
WHEW OKAY that’s enough for right now!
I’m constantly reading new fics all the time so maybe eventually I’ll make a second one if Chi actually reads/likes any of these (they’re picky!), or if anyone else likes this list and wants updates.
TO CHI: Thank you for getting me into The Untamed! I love you! I had the best time texting you every thought that passed through my head while I watched it. I’ve loved all of the content you’ve sent me from the book and the comic. I’ve loved making fun of Yibo with you. I’ve loved being your fic taste tester. Life sucks right now but at least we have wangxian!
TO EVERYONE ELSE: If you read any of these fics please come to my DMs and talk to me about them! I have a lot of feelings and love to cry over fics! Thank you!
#the untamed#fic#WHEW BABY THIS IS A LOT#i did in fact just spend two full hours making this#i dont regret it at all bc im bad about bookmarking things so im glad this forced me to go back through my ao3 history#and actually make a record of the fics ive read and loved#theres SO MUCH talent in this fandom#just a crazy amount#from the fan artists to the fic writers to the gif makers#i forgot how fun being in a fandom is when the canon is good and the fans are creative!#i said it on my sideblog but this has been the first time ive EVER read fic for a fandom#where i wasnt exclusively reading fics about a certain pairing getting together#i literally just want to read any and everything about this universe#regardless of pairing or rating or whatever else#which is not at all my usual style#shout out to the untamed for being a good fucking show and for having like four other canon adaptions#theres just so much to work with and the fic writers absolutely kill it#ANYWAYS I LOVE YOU CHI#HAVE A SAFE TRIP TOMORROW
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23:28 11/05/2021
sooooo uhhhhh,, its chewsday innit.i have no idea what my life is anymore. like what do i even do?? i have no idea how i would describe myself to someone else and thats sort scary yk. like how am i supposed to like myself if i dont know who i am? n e way enough existentialismmmmmm ice gotten more unconditional uni offers which im dead proud of like who wouldve thought I wouldve been able to do this. if only i couldve seen myself like 4 years ago i would be shocked. i mean most of it would make sense but like i didnt even think id live this long tbh. i dont think about that enough the fact i couldnt see myself getting older and doing 'grown uo things' because i thought i would never get through the present. that sounds real sad wow.
lets talk about something else, perhaps how i believe myself to be far too impulsive for my own good and never thinking anything through twice. like ive just tried to revamp my whole room coz i was unhappy with it. i tried to chalk it up to just wanting a better desk and suddenly ive thrown away half my furniture and my room looks empty affff. but its ok since it already looks kinda better everything's cleaner now too.
i went into my backgarden today and i picked all the uhhh my laptop almost died on me there i realised my things at full brightness anyway yes i went and picked the uh dandelions? the yellow chucky ones and some daisies and i made some flower chains and stuff and hung them in my room even though theyre gonna die idrc becuase they still look kinda cute, i keep patching my uni prep class becuase icba going but i still need to set up student loans and shit and actually confirm my choice for uni too omfg so much work and also need to start teaching msyelf the theory sruff for my driving thingytghing
i was just looking back at another post before i started typing this and i was talking about how i dont really espress myself all too well through my apppearance and things i can personalise to me and i feel like ive gotten a lot better at that coz i recently chucked away a lot of clothes i dont wear and my mum bought me new stuff and im dead chuffed coz im far more confident in them and theyre far more comfy too :) ive also stopped wearing bras with wires and padding in them coz fuck all that shit i no longer care if people see my nipples becuase its not worth the actual pain from and improperly fitting bra which all of them are on me ............................................
ive been listening to some NEW music lately just from my discover weekly stuff and its been pretty fuckign spot on with the shit i wanna listen to but i wish itd let me save each week as like a diff playlist but ive just been adding my favs to my other playlists feel like ive been piecing myself together bit by bit after not having the right pieces for years.
anyway future me or whoever listen to 'them changes' by thunder someone or other because i think im a little bit obssesed atm hehehehehhehehehesjnjndkb LJBSCLVJBs jbs c' CKJBDKjkbckj sh. i feel a bit like a fraud tho ngl like as tho im waiting for the other shoe to drop and find out im actaully lying about being a functioning human being for longer than like 5 days in the past 3/4 years. did that make sense idk im justsaying i feel a bit fake and that next time i feel a bit d y s f u n c t i o n a l its gonna hit really fucking hard and its gonna take a lot to get over it idk maybe im just being pessimistic or smth have a tendency to do that.
also ive completely given up with school i have less than a month left and i cannot be fucked doing any more work than is necessary to pass ie only doing the test things and pretending to know what im doing in class no studying no homework none of that bs i would rather break my toes ..
ive wrote like 3800 characters thats like maybe 800 words isssshhh idk man considering ive wrote w shit like wbsihizjbk ziSJNlcjb alknfbv ajn jankbdv. you know , . i dont really know what im rambing about anymore nothing has realliy progressed that much do idk what to say ill come back maybe when im at uni :O beye
#this is the most incomprehensivle shit ive eveer written#who lets me do this'#i do i do this#tags are so fun what the heck'#jhbk SD CJSK#im looking at all the typos in this and i feel absolutely no shame#my keyboad simple doenst understand my dancing fingers#anyway gn#also additional little thing at 00.01 i found out today that p!nk and pink floyd are NOT th e same thing#hi future me here to fix typos turns out i Do in fact Feel Shame#anyway#may 2021 entry#2021 the year of fun
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