i am doing some research for an essay and am reading an article about richie being gay in IT 2019 and the person writing the article is acting like richie coming out would have no impact on his career whatsoever because he's a comedian in los angeles in 2016... like did we watch the same movie?

like for me personally when i saw richie get up on stage and tell a joke about jerking it to his girlfriends sisters facebook or whatever my first thought wasn't "oh yeah i bet his audience is on their way to a drag show after this" i got a very clear image of a a 35-45 year old white guy who watches fox news and refers to his wife as "the ol' ball and chain" and thinks richie is a hero of comedy because he "isn't giving into the woke liberal mob who doesn't understand what dark humor is". i know this might be shocking but that type doesn't typically like it when their entertainers are queer :0

like... what? i am just very confused. like did we expect richie tozier, guy who grew up in a small town during the AIDS crisis and was tormented by a clown who threatened him with the knowledge that he was a homosexual, and now has a career that relies on a group of people who are largely at least somewhat homophobic, liking him, to be out and proud? did we watch the same film?

please may I hear about The Wife... no judgement at all I just love hearing what everyone thinks

Okay. So.

(obligatory disclaimer: all headcanons are valid, and all fanworks are valid, and my opinions are my own and based on what I see in fandom around me, which is not the full breadth and depth of Tolkien fandom and is only a tiny piece of the greater puzzle. this is salty, and somewhat bitter, and very frustrated, but it’s not aimed at any specific person and it’s not just my negative feelings due to being a Russingon shipper. I’d actually really like to continue conversation about this, with people on all sides of The Wife Debate - I enjoy talking with people!)

the tl;dr is that I really cannot stand how the fandom treats the potentially-existing character of Fingon’s wife.

first off, it’s basically up in the air as to whether or not she exists - we have reference in the published Silmarillion to Gil-galad as Fingon’s son with Christopher Tolkien saying later that he was acting in error in confirming GIl’s parentage that way, and we have a line from The Mariner’s Wife that’s the beginning of a letter sent to Tar-Meneldur (Ereinion Gil-galad son of Fingon to Tar-Meneldur of the line of Eärendil, greeting: the Valar keep you and may no shadow fall upon the Isle of Kings.) in which Fingon’s parentage is claimed by the then-High King, but we also have writing from The Shibboleth of Fëanor that Fingon had no wife upon departure from Valinor and no biological children at that time.

For a long time it was assumed that Fingon’s wife was a Sindarin woman named Meril, but ‘Meril’ is the name of Finrod’s wife as recorded in The War of the Jewels and in this draft Gil-galad is Arafinwëan. The confusion there is easy to understand, as Gil-galad’s departure to the Falas and early life spent with Círdan is present in both the published Silmarillion and the unpublished footnotes of WotJ, but ultimately the canon holds two things to be more or less plausible: first, Gil-galad is Fingon’s son; second, he has no stated wife.

of course the absence of a recorded wife doesn’t mean there was no wife - we only need look at Orodreth’s child/children, or Elros’s, or Isildur’s, to see that Tolkien has a habit of giving men biological offspring without recording the names of the women in their lives who must have birthed and helped raise those offspring - but this actually brings me to the first issue I have with how fandom treats this particular quasi-character (let’s call her Nís, for this little ramble - it’s easier than dancing around the fact that she has no name of her own): she’s assumed to be necessary for the existence of Gil-galad the Nolofinwëan.

Fingon adopting a child, or taking an heir for legal purposes, or fostering someone else’s son, are perspectives on family life that are more or less entirely gone from the fan conversation surrounding this interpretation of Ereinion’s parentage, as is the idea that Fingon might have wanted or had a child without the help of a woman. (and like - not to bring prejudices into this, because I don’t think they’re entirely the motivating factor here, but... sex-repulsed people exist? ace and aro people who don’t want conventional romantic relationships exist? I’m 100% on the “Fingon is grey-ace and 100% gay and only wants Maedhros” train but aspec/arospec, single Fingon is also a valid headcanon and assuming he had to have a wife for the sake of having a child uh. bothers me because of its implications?) and all of this comes down to my larger point of frustration which -

Nobody really cares about this character in her own right. Nobody looks at Nís, or the gap left by her in the text, and becomes invested in her and in what happens to her without some external factor making her a necessity. She’s Gil-galad’s mother so she has to be there, or she’s Fingon’s wife and therefore something that isn’t Russingon so she has to be there. She’s not a personality that anybody gives a damn about outside of what she can do for the men in the narrative, and that pisses me off like nothing else and is the main reason why she’s basically the only woman in the Legendarium I can’t stand. I love Tolkien’s women! I think they’re all great! I’m a lesbian and I’d love to see more ladies hanging around! But she doesn’t matter, in my experience, outside of propping up really narrow-minded ideas of family and giving weight to homophobia.

I would at least be able to grudgingly tolerate and understand and even respect her presence in the fandom if people liked her and respected her and treated her like her own person with weight and import! But she’s not in any of the textual ghost fanworks, she’s never given a shoutout in fanart, she barely registers on anyone’s radar. There are twenty fanfics on AO3 tagged with her relationship to Fingon in them, and eleven of those left when you filter out fics that also include Russingon in some capacity. “Fingon/OFC” yields ten stories total. Out of over sixteen thousand. Nobody - and I mean that seriously - treats her like she matters, even people who believe she exists. She’s not a fundamental part of serious headcanons - I’ve seen more love given to OC wives for Maedhros than this woman who a large subset of the fandom seems to think must have been real in some capacity!

(Just for fun: we have 40 works tagged for Orodreth’s wife, 40 works for Caranthir’s wife, 18 works for Elros’s wife, and 112 works for Maglor’s wife. Branching out into ‘named but with very little known about them’ we have 35 for Eldalótë, 135 for Amarië, and 199 for Elenwë. Everyone else in this story matters more than Nís does. It’s a little absurd.)

basically I’m done taking claims of loving this character or caring about her seriously. I’ve had to fight people using her like a bludgeon for so long that I cannot stomach her; my personal opinion is “I don’t want to see content made for this character who Tolkien himself said didn’t exist” but I’m a firm believer in ship and let ship and in the idea that all fanworks have a place and a purpose so like. people interested, y’all can do what you want if you stop resenting the hell out of Russingon shippers for no reason and keep things cordial? but in the meantime stop pretending you care about Nís for literally any other reason but ulterior motives, you clearly don’t! she’s a convenient person-shaped battering ram and literally nothing else.

(Also, I want to know what exactly Russingon shippers have done that makes us so worthy of everyone who doesn’t ship it hating our guts, you know? Homophobia is obviously part of it in some circles but what the hell happened that makes non-homophobes so damn resentful of us? please do give thoughts on that if you have them I want to know and that is even more salt.)

SPOOKY/ NON SPOOKY BLS TO WATCH IN HALLOWEEN

Happy Spooky Season BL Fans! Honestly so sad that in Halloween we can't really fully enjoy it due to the pandemic out there. So why not stay at home and have a fun night in during this spooky month watching BLS with spooky/entertaining shows to get you into the spirits. Surprisingly there was a lot of shows from different countries I could add to this list. Join me and let me know what shows you plan to watch for this Halloween! 

Ratings: From 1 to 5 (1 being least excited to watch, 5 being most,) how excited am I to delve into these shows/again? 

Korea

1. Antique

Ratings: 4/5 Genre/Themes: Psychology, Thriller, Bakery,  Bromance, Open ending/Happy ending. Country: Korea Verdict: Weirdly, this is one of my favourite BL movies, to be honest, most Korean movies just make me happy despite the sense that you can feel it's censored more than it has to be. Either way antique is so fun to watch, at first you're watching about this guy who hates cakes and sweets, but it is determined to start a bakery to find out some weird stalker who is kidnapping kids, and you're like wait what? As we delve deeper into his past, it becomes horrifying, terrifying and also just intriguing to find out what made him the way he is and how it's affected him psychologically. Add a twist of BL with someone who absolutely loves him and helps him with his bakery, and it's cute and lovely to see.

2. Method Ratings: 4/5 Genre/Themes: Psychology, Thriller, Romance, Tragedy, Acting industry, Internalised Homophobia Country: Korea Verdict: Korea is so good at producing these deep movies that really make you think and analyse whilst still having this haunting introduction to couples that are tragically affected by Internalised Homophobia in Korea. Method may seem like just an artistic story about two people who are being fake with each other, and it does seem that way at the end but when you actually look at it deeply you'd see it's a tragic love story about two people who couldn't fight society with their love for each other and decided to use facades to hide what truly happened. Anyway brilliant show, very thrilling and scary at times towards the ending especially about the psychology of Method actors and the struggle to differentiate  what's real vs what's acting when it comes to love and obsession?

Taiwan

History Hero/Obsessed

Ratings: 3.8/5 Genre/Themes: Gender bender, Rebirth, Ghosts,  Death,  Romance, Comedy, Happy ending Country: Taiwan Verdict: History is one of the best anthologies Taiwan produced for BL. And even the first history series are just as good as recent, whilst maybe more low budget and shorter, I still enjoy them as much as the other one. Hero is one that is actually not my most loved one, but it's heartwarming and also interesting to watch. It's a supernatural gender bender, with our main charcter's body taken over by his crush's girlfriend who we watch figure out the budding relationship between her boyfriend and the dead guy. It seems it would be tragic, or end in a heterosexual way but it doesn't, it does have a bitter sweet ending since we're seeing it from her perspective but our BL character's come out unscathed. Obsessed is one of my faves, also a rebirth story, our main character comes back to life and goes back in time after being betrayed by his lover determined to avoid him as much as possible only to realise that his lover is obsessed and determined to get them back together despite not understanding why he loves him. It's so fun to watch this show, and I enjoy the chemistry between Benjamin and Teddy. But yeh Halloween, mysterious deaths, rebirths and romance great times!

Chinese

Rebirth Ratings: 4/5 Genre/Themes: Rebirth, Romance, Historical,  Death, Drama, Royalty, Happy ending Country: Chinese Verdict: Absolutely so stoked with this drama, frustrated with censorship from China which prevented some scenes from being shown like the waterfall kiss, but it has a happy ending! Like what? I'm so happy because it's quite dramatic and has moments where it looks like would be tragic but I adore the romance between the King and his companion, and the way they're both loyal to each other. For Halloween this deals with death and reincarnation of our main character to return back and save the King from getting killed. Go watch it if you can find uncut link so worth it.

Untamed Ratings: 5/5 Genre/Themes: Zombies, Fantasy, Horror,  Romance, Happy ending, Rebirth, Death Country: China Verdict: Like I don't have to explain this one. Go watch it if you haven't. Tbh for Halloween I'm not going to be watching the show Untamed because I've seen it too many times, so I'll probably be crying over Wei Wuxian and Wang Ji's love with the audio drama (Season 3 especially) Whatever way you wanna watch Mo dao Zu shi: anime, book, tv show, audio drama, this is a masterpiece and so incredibly scary enough, supernatural enough and great enough for this Halloween. A masterpiece.

Guardian Ratings: 3.5/5 Genre/Themes: Supernatural, Romance, Rebirth, Horror, ,Bromance, Censored, Comedy, Mystery, Detectives Country: China Verdict: Guardian is so fun to watch but when I think of it's original source I get so upset with China and I just don't want to watch it especially that stupid ending. But for Halloween Guardian is the most Halloween like BL show there is, deals with demons, zombies, ghosts, etc Mysteries about aliens, humans and supernatural deities. And a painful romance that has amazing chemistry, acting and story behind it. Go watch it just for the fun cases the characters have to investigate each episode connected to the supernatural stuff.  Or go read the book and see what it was meant to be like.

Thailand 

Red wine in the Dark night Ratings: 3.5/5 Genre/Themes: Psychology, Thriller, Horror,  R rated, Tragedy, Vampire Country: Thailand Verdict: My first movie introducing me to Fluke and his incredible acting. But like this movie messed me up, I went into it like nice vampire/cute boy romance and halfway through I was like wtf?? It's incredible and dark to see this movie and for Halloween scary enough to contemplate and analyse so yeh a great spooky watch with shady, flawed characters traumatised to make choices to be with love.  Watch it for Fluke.

Blue Hour Ratings: 4/5 Genre/Themes: Psychology, Thriller, Horror,  R rated, Ghosts, Mystery Country: Thailand Verdict: This is another messed up movie with an amazing cast. Both Oab and Gun are like so great in this, and they are my ghost ship. This movie starts of like a romantic with drama BL movie, about like falling in love and meeting the right person and then it just gets twisted and starts to be horrifying. Again has a lot of shady, dark characters who do things that are just so unexpected. It will scare you well and Gun's performance as a winner. But we already know this about him. Go watch Gifted and Gifted Graduation (also spooky in my opinion for Halloween)

My dream Ratings: 3/5 Genre/Themes: Supernatural,  Fantasy, Romance,  Drama Country: Thailand Verdict:  Okay only adding this on the list because of its supernatural genre but I actually don't remember what this is about. All I can remember is the main love story is between Runway and his lover who he sees in his dreams due to a mysterious dream catcher given to him by his family to protect him. Yeh this is fantasy so good for halloween but it's actually not my favourite show, I remember disliking a lot of things about it apart from the second lead couple so yeh Meh. But for Halloween you can squeeze a watch and try and see if you like it.

Until We Meet Again

Ratings: 4.2/5 Genre/Themes:  Reincarnation,  Rebirth, Suicide,  Drama, Death, Romance, Mystery, Happy ending Country: Thailand Verdict:  Can’t believe I almost forgot about this, But this is a great thai BL series, one of the best ones actually if you’re okay with slow paced storyline but with depth, and interesting plot. I love all the couples on this show and it kept me on my toes with anxiety and worry about how it was going to end. Go watch this for Fluke again, as he is so amazing at his role of Pharm. Everyone else on this cast is also my favorite. Reasons for Halloween, this deals with the psychological trauama of death and suicde, and also deals with the consequences of reincarnation. Because of this the psychological breakdown and reveal of Pharm’s connection to Inn, is ver scary, worrying and frightful as you go deeper the story. We’re not sure where this will lead, but we know as an audience that it sure isn’t going to be a nice reunion with Inn and Korn whenever the latter finds the truth about why they’re dead. Yeh towards the last three episodes it’s almost close to being a thriller, so much angst, drama and pain and fear for our character’s lives, will make this a scary but not scary Halloween watch for sure. 

Greater man academy Ratings: 5/5 Genre/Themes: Gender bender, Fantasy, Unicorns  Romance, Competitive all-boys school, Happy ending, Plot twists Country: Thailand Verdict: Can I just praise how genius this series is. Because no one else doing so it's understandable it's hard to find the subs because Nadao refuses to release it on its platform. Either way seeing Nadao mentioned as the producers makes you know this is incredible. From acting, to story telling, to directing, to dynamics, to the romance. I am in awe of greater man academy and I will never stop speaking about how I wish more BLs was like this. Add she's the man (the movie or twelfth night by Shakespeare) and BL tropes to this and you get greater man academy, Except this show is different, 3 dimensional characters that will take your breath away from the amount of plot twists written for their characters, romances that will keep you on your toes with anticipation and mystery and the suprising fact that this ends up as a BL when it didn't need to is what shocks me still to this day. Go watch it I don't want to spoil anything else. Just watch it. For Halloween we have magical unicorns with wish granting abilities, ghosts and other fantasy themes in the academy for the great men.

He's coming to me Ratings: 4.5/5 Genre/Themes: Ghosts, Mystery,Slice of Life,  Romance, Comedy, Happy ending Country: Thailand Verdict:  I've already talked about this show on here as well. But again just go watch it, it's incredible a bit slow paced but it's worth it. I just want more shows like He's coming to me, the whole supernatural world building was fantastic, the mystery, the plot, the love story between our main guy who sees ghost and his ghost best friend, and him learning to embrace his identity and sexuality. Brilliant. Also again Ohm Pawat is in this so are you shocked and Singto as well who is amazing.

The Shipper Ratings: 4/5 Genre/Themes: Death, Gender bender, Mystery,, Tragedy, Comedy, Romance Country: Thailand Verdict: Didn't know if I should add this here but there is a heavy supernatural theme to it, and it does have BL despite the fact that could be questioned but I love Way and Kim, and I think the actors are great and the plot is actually good for most of it, there are some issues with the show but honestly if the ending was better It would be a favourite of mine in 2020. Sigh. Halloween there's death, and the lore surrounding death and mystery about why it and how the circumstances our main character is happened, and it keeps you on your toes. Ohm Pawat that's it another reason and First and Fluke were incredible in this. Girl actresses were also good. And it's directed and written by the writer of the girl from nowehere, so that's another positive. (Must watch for Halloween if you haven't yet not BL)

Other recommendations: Bite fight, Niyamruk, Ghost boyfriend, Ghost Roomamate, Fanatic Love.War of Highschool 

That;s the list I’ve compiled. Probably missing like other spooky ones because I’m a wimp and horror aint my thing, Romance is. So here you have some shows mixing the two in a non squeamish way for me.  What about you guys how’s your Halloween season and planning going? Have fun!

I am officially caught up on Oxygen and I started it yesterday, so that’s a new record. I’m so freaking obsessed! And, I’d love some recs because I need more to watch. My first step into the world of Bls came from My Engineer which was brilliant and frustrating, but I loved it. Now, I’m just looking for more and more and more, and this started in July 😂. I’d love some recs and to pop in randomly to chat about the bls if you’d be up for it because they all kill me ~♉️

Sorry for the delayed response but I wanted to take some time to compile a list of recs for you. I tried to mainly rec ones that are mainly available on YouTube, Viki, Line TV, and Netflix but if you need help finding links to watch them let me know!

I highly recommend these (based on the previous ones you’ve seen or ones that I personally loved):

Cherry Magic: This is a Japanese BL that’s currently airing but it’s so good and easily my favorite of the year. It has a wacky premise but it’s very heartwarming, realistic, and soft.

Like In The Movies (aka Gaya Sa Pelikula): This recently ended like a week ago but it was a masterpiece. GSP accurately depicts the struggle of being the LGBTQ+ community and is just generally really well made in terms of the script, cinematography, and OST. There were quite a few BL’s from Philippines released this year but IMO this was the best.

He’s Coming to Me: Incredibly underrated which sucks because it’s really good. The premise is very unique and it’s another accurate depiction of the struggles that LGBTQ+ individuals have to go through. This is pretty angsty but hilarious/heartwarming/adorable at the same time.

Theory of Love: People either absolutely adore TOL or absolutely despise TOL. I personally adored it because I’m a big fan of angst, flawed characters (oh boy were they flawed), and OffGun so it’s one of my favorites. But fair warning the characters are frustrating. So frustrating that you’ll probably want to reach through the screen to smack them but if you hang on till the end it’s worth it. Plus they just released a special episode like a month ago and it really improved any issues I had with TOL.

The Untamed: this is technically labeled as being a ‘bromance’ because of China’s censorship laws but like...it’s extremely obvious that the two ML’s are more than just platonic bros. In the book it’s based on they were together romantically and the drama does a good job of expressing the love they share with subtle (and not so subtle) looks, dialogue, cinematography, touches, and music. The Untamed is very long and at times confusing but 100% worth it.

History 3 Trapped: This was my first introduction to BL and it spoiled all other ones for me. It’s about a gangster and a police officer who go from enemies to lovers. The plot is messy but the chemistry between the leads + second leads makes up for that.

Where Your Eyes Linger: This is a Korean BL and almost everyone I talked to ended up loving this. Sadly this is really short (only 8 episodes that are 10 minutes long) but it’s worth it. It’s about two childhood friends—one of them is the son of a wealthy family and the other is his bodyguard. It handles the friends to lovers excellently and plus the leads have a ton of chemistry.

Mr. Heart: Another Korean BL that was produced by the same company that did WYEL. It’s also short but it’s fluffy and adorable which is a big shift tone from WYEL but I loved both equally.

Life Love On The Line: Another Japanese BL! It came out this year and I feel like it’s really underrated. It’s based on a short manga so the length of the series isn’t that long (4 ep that are 20-30 min long) but it still manages to effectively tell a beautiful love story.

Kinou Nani Tabeta? (What Did You Eat Yesterday): I’m only on episode 1 but...woah. People need to stop sleeping on this. It’s a slice of life drama centered around two men in their forties who are already together. It’s wholesome, soft, and makes me feel all warm inside. Please give this a chance okay?

I Told Sunset About You: I haven’t finished this yet but it’s honestly a masterpiece. The cinematography...the OST...the acting...the script...I’m in complete awe of the whole thing.

Gameboys: Another wonderful PINOY BL! It’s set during this year when the pandemic is going on and it was really good—so good that it got a GL spin off (Pearl Next Door, I highly rec this too even if it’s not BL) and a season 2 which comes out next year.

Hello Stranger: Honestly the Philippines are thriving this year because this was another stellar BL! It’s kind of like Gameboys in how almost the whole drama is filmed over video chat/social media but it was very cute. I believe Hello Stranger is also releasing a movie next year.

Ingredients: This is literally just a very long supermarket ad that’s been going on for 8 months now but it’s adorable. It’s a very low stakes fluffy BL where nothing happens plot wise yet you can’t put it down. Plus...they were roommates ;)

Sotus/Sotus S: not one of my favorites but it’s one of the OG bl’s for a reason. So many people loved the first season but didn’t care for the second (but it was the complete opposite for me). This is kind of the one of the most quintessential Thai BLs out there so feel free to give it a try.

History 2 Right or Wrong: Bls rarely center around mature individuals let alone parents so when I found out the premise of this I was sold. Its only 4 episodes so it’s not the most fleshed out thing ever made but it was incredibly adorable, fluffy, and as honest as they can to address LGBTQ+ parenting. Basically it’s about this college student who ends up as a babysitter for his professor (yeah okay that premise is not for everyone so just be aware if you don’t like that kind of thing) and they fall in love. The whole thing is so fluffy and heartwarming!

Ossan’s Love: This is a Japanese BL about this thirty year old office worker who finds himself in a weird love triangle between his married boss and roommate. I know it sounds like a mess and trust me it definitely is but it’s hilarious. It was a wild ride start to finish but I loved (and hated) every second of it.

Diary of Tootsies: Okay this isn’t a typical BL I guess but it’s about three gay men + their lesbian best friend so you know what? I’m including it on this list. It’s hilariously dumb yet also addresses serious topics like homophobia/sexually transmitted diseases. It’s underrated and I’m so sad about it because it’s genuinely a delight to watch.

YYY the Series: do you know those crack videos on YouTube full of memes and references? Yeah. That’s basically YYY summed up. The whole thing makes zero sense because of how chaotic it is but despite how it’s constantly makes everyone ???? it also has a TON of heart. It’s so dumb but it had me reflecting on my life all the time. I really rec this not just because of how hilarious it is but also because it breaks the mold of other BLs! Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t have a comedic show and talk about consent and how important healthy communication is in relationships because YYY does it perfectly and so much more.

Dark Blue Kiss: I didn’t love this but you might. It’s a sequel/spin off to like two other series (Kiss Me & Kiss Me Again) but you don’t have to watch the others to understand this. Just know that the leads have been dating awhile before the start of the series.

Great Men Academy: People debate if this is a real BL because the main character is a girl who can transform into a boy but I think it still counts. I really enjoyed this and thought the whole cast had a ton of chemistry between them—it was sweet, funny, and had the right amount of angst.

HIS: this is a Japanese movie (I know you said dramas but I enjoyed this so I figured I would include it too). It’s beautiful, angsty, and sweet. There’s a prequel series this is based on but you don’t have to watch it to understand what’s going on.

I have way more recommendations but I figured I would stop there. Hopefully if you give these a go you enjoy this and my asks are always open if you ever want to talk about BL :)

Witch Positivity Culture is Toxic

A wild unscheduled post appears. I’ve just been seeing a lot of something lately that’s been bugging me and I wanted to put it into words, mostly for my own sake. Though my frustration here is rooted in my path as a shadow worker which is the topic I’m writing about this month so maybe it’s more of a prelude.

It’s really just a riff on what plenty of other people have put more eloquently – positivity culture is toxic – but with regards to the witchcraft community in particular. I see so many feel good posts about “When you don’t feel witchy enough…” followed by a list of affirmations. I watch people get responded to blithely when they ask questions about witchcraft with “everyone’s path is valid.” 

This, quite frankly, is incredibly shallow.

Feeling bad isn’t a bad thing. It’s positivity culture adding pressure to feel good about yourself and your practice all the time that makes these totally normal and helpful feelings into things that need to be soothed away, into feelings to reject. Feelings – even bad ones – exist to try to help us. This is more complicated in cases of mental illness but, for the most part, feelings exist to help you.

Your bad feelings about your practice help highlight an area that isn’t working for you. If you just try to affirm the feelings away, you’ll never figure out why the practice isn’t working for you in the first place. What I wish those posts would say instead is to look at why you don’t feel witchy enough and be honest with yourself. Are you actually doing the work of studying and practicing witchcraft? If not, then what could you do to improve it? If you’re not in a place to work on it right now, how can you practice acceptance for the season of life that you’re in?

That takes work and a willingness to reflect and change, but it does begin to actually resolve the underlying issue at hand. I find it preferable to having to reapply affirmations ad infinitum.

And I would chalk this up to a difference in taste if it weren’t how it works its way into all aspects of the witchcraft community. I have frequently been greeted with hostility and “all paths are valid” when I ask questions about how other people think through their witchcraft. The very act of asking questions – especially ones that are beyond a beginner’s level – gets treated as if people are invalidating whatever it is they’re seeking to understand. I’ve watched as some communities take a more aggressive stance with practical questions about intermediate witchcraft than they do actual racism, sexism, and homophobia.

Validation, like affirmation, is the easy and temporary way to cope with discomfort. “All paths are valid” is absolutely meaningless. It is a non-answer in almost every case I’ve seen it used. It’s also untrue. Paths that appropriate closed practices, have misogyny and racism imbedded in them or as part of the goal of their craft, that are used to justify and further transphobia – not fucking valid. The fixation on not invalidating anyone is wild to me. Why is it that in so many spaces that is valued over open discussion what our personal values and paths actually are?

One of the reasons it took me so long to call myself a witch and to practice more regularly is how this sheen of validity covered up everything useful from any sort of scrutiny to figure out whether it would work for me. It wasn’t until I finally found people who could be comfortable with their practice, did not seek my validation, and could answer my questions freely that I ever got anywhere.

I can’t control what other people do, but I since I’ve gotten a flurry of new followers I thought it might be good to restate one of my main principles with my work here on this blog – I will never make you comfortable with my materials at the expense of your well being. I will never affirm you staying the same when change is absolutely necessary.

This community wide discomfort with discomfort is toxic, stunts people trying to be become more skilled, and creates a haven for people reproducing systemic oppression in the community. If we don’t accept discomfort as a natural part of learning and growing, we run the risk of creating a space that is more focused on feeling like witch than actually being one.*

TL;DR – Feeling bad isn’t a bad thing, stop trying to affirm it away. Saying “every path is valid” gives racists, sexists, homophobes, and transphobes a pass and keeps people looking to learn in the dark. Discomfort with discomfort is toxic.

*I want to be clear that my definition of a witch in this case is someone who studies and uses witchcraft and isn’t tradition or skill dependent.

Okay so this is really personal but I feel like I need to share it in order to better my health because being upfront about your trauma is a good way to heal from it. So buckle up because this post is gonna be a real doozy:

So let's start by backing up about 4 years ago in the summer of 2017, I was 17 since my birthday follows the year number and I was going through my own personal turmoil, dealing with my already medically diagnosed PTSD, OCD, Anxiety disorder, and severe depression. I had falling outs with most all of my irl friends due to my declining mental health but the decline started around august as my therapist who worked the best for me was leaving the clinic. She was openly queer and I related a lot to her since I felt like for once I wasn't alone yet after she left I was distraught. Also at the time I had a falling out with my father and my brother was a recovering drug addict so you could say shit was really complicated around that time and my head space was not well.

So back in 2016 I was able to get a PS4 and I hadn't used it until 2017 due to being more focused on my mental health but I caved and began playing Overwatch and there I met some folks who made life seem somewhat normal for once, no high end conflict, no drama, just simple fun with friends is all I wanted and for a while I actually had that! That was until the coming month september.

So September was when I started breaking off from big friend groups and settled with 2 people, let's call them Z and J for context, So Z was someone who I would say had undiagnosed mental health issues and J was someone who was mutual friends with Z because they went to high school together. Z and J were some of my only friends and we as people really bonded over stuff and I felt like life was actually turning up after losing so much shit that year.

So just for preface/context: at this time I identified with she/her pronouns and went by the term pansexual/demiromantic but now after much time I identify with they/them pronouns and am at least asexual, as for romantic I'm still figuring that out. So November rolled around and I noticed conflict immediately, Z and J were subtly arguing and J was using a victim complex mentality to guilt Z into caving yet at the time I was an oblivious 17 year old who was just desperate was friendship to the point of trying to always be a mediator.

Z was always talking about how lonely they were and how every relationship they had never worked out and at the time I was not out about not being cisgender and so they perceived me as a girl. Throughout September to november they would CONSTANTLY ask me out to the point of it being a desperation and a guilt trip and at this point I was afraid. I had lost EVERYONE in my life here and it was so frustrating but for a month I would keep my boundaries up and say no because I genuinely wasn't interested in a relationship and I didnt feel taht way about Z but they continued to push me and eventually I gave in and I remember the exact place it happened.

So we all 3 had a daily routine of getting on and playing Overwatch for hours just to talk shit and goof around so that day we were skirmishing on the "Temple of anubis" map and I said yes and in retrospect it was a horrible time to do that because it was in front of J and in turn made them feel loke a 3rd wheel. I wanna say that me conceding into a relationship while having no attractiom or interest was wrong of me and that I apologize for but again I WAS pressured as a minor. Also I forgot to say that Z was 19 and while that kind of age gap isn't inherently the worst, I was still an emotionally vulnerable minor being coaxed into a relationship.

So things went on relatively the same except for the fact that J was beginning to sound more spiteful and ended up getting upset easier and volatile which I blamed myself for but we'll get more into J very soon. So Z and I were noticing the change in behavior but tried not to bother J with it because they always didn't wanna talk about it. J confided in us at one point by telling us about their living situation being troublesome, they claimed they had no privacy, were verbally abused by their mother, and had relatives who were also abusive. We both had empathy for J and I was strongly affected by that since I had a strong disconnect from my father at the time who was abusive in a religious way.

We tried to keep things relatively normal at this point for the sake of J but Z was always trying to be bluntly romantic with me and I wasn't interested although they did ask me for "thigh pics" (lemme preface by saying I was still a minor at this point) but I was coaxed into that and virtual s*x which I was extremely uncomfortable with but Z had a strong tendency to victimize and guilt trip and I just wanted friends and had PTSD from friends levaing me and calling me selfish. It's not something I'm proud of but I genuinely was THAT scared of losing friends. In instances where J would get spiteful and resent Z, J at one point left our group chat and group and didnt reply to us because they attempted s*icide. We were HORRIFIED to find that out and really tried to keep a close eye on J into the new year.

2018 rolls in and now is the year that I consider my worst, I will TW// onward for talks of verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, talks of s*xual assault, s*icide, homophobia, and gaslighting. So after J's s*icide attempt I felt even WORSE in a relationship that itself was already one sided but I powered through as to not upset Z. The friendship dynamic we had at this point was gone as it only seemed to be arguing and fake excitement. One thing we all did in the game was idolize specific characters and obsess over them for mental comfort to the point that we got emotionally distraught over their deaths in game, genuinely very unhealthy for all of us. One thing J would do at times was purposefully pick me and Z's characters in game in commit s*icide in game with them just to upset us and would sometimes mentally torture Z by forcing them to be the character Z hated which only screwed up Z's Mental health. J would also alwsys victimize and act like they weren't being treated fairly and that all culminated in January.

January 2018, J began putting the thought of a polyamorus relationship on the table as in J, Z, and I would all be in a relationship together which I wasn't too keen on but was open to if it made everyone happy. Z wasnt interested at all and for the span of 2 weeks of January, J kept trying to manipulate and coax Z into a relationship and had me try to convince Z as well which I didn't know was wrong but granted I didn't understand Poly relationships until years later. Z eventually half caved and gave it a try but a day later Z backed out because they felt uncomfortable. I was a bit irritated at that time and so was J but I didn't personally know why because I was very oblivious to love and how it was supposed to be. We also would play 1v1 type games for fun until this time because both of them were seriously bothered by losing in 1v1 games and would gloat when they won. I personally didn't care as much and would joke around for the most part just to have fun. After this month we stopped playing 1v1 type games.

Early February came and we all began hanging out in skirmish (which means like a map where you just freeroam for 30 minutes until it refreshes), sometimes we would do ship dynamics with each other for fun and at the time we were joking around. Me and J joked around about two male characters (Junkrat and Roadhog) being together and if you have seen the two characters then you'll know why. Their dynamic as friends is flawed but a popular one yet nonetheless I liked their dynamic as a relationship at the time. Around this time, Z was beginning to do what I would call "selective homophobia" as in they would like some gay ships and despise others. When Z was presented with a WLW (lesbian) ship, they would be 100% supportive yet when a specific MLM (gay) ship was presented, they would make gagging noises as if they were trying to throw up. I should also mention how often Z would send Overwatch porn to group chats and how it made me incredibly uncomfortable, especially as a minor.

J would ultimately hold the blatant homophobia against Z and tried to turn me again Z for it. During this time, J was messaging me privately to try and convince me that Z was a bad person and that I should break up with them. Ultimately I agreed and broke up with Z over this and me and J distanced myself from Z to just hang out together. I was personally distraught in just finding out that a friend I was close to ended up being Homophobic all this time and emotionally it broke me a lot. At the time, J was there to help me emotionally and that initially helped me build trust with them. Eventually in mid February they asked me out and since they had helped me so much mentally, I felt out of a sense of obligation that being with them was something I almost owed them.

Side note: I wanna bring up this point as just a weird coincidence: February itself has always been one of the worst months for me every year, something horrendous has happened to me each February of each year and its weird because of how often I can recall this still being the case.

So After being around J for so long we started to just joke around and have fun as friends. They actually showed me their face for the first time over a video call which actually surprised me because they looked different then I thought they were but nonetheless I enjoyed their company because I felt like I had a friend. March rolled around and my birthday was coming up, my 18th birthday which was more of a big deal to J than me. They wanted to see me in provocative pictures and were constantly talking about how excited they were for it and I didn't understand why really. They were also 19 btw and they seemed way too excited for something as simple as that kind of picture. The day rolled around and I felt uncomfortable, I was told to send pictures and I did which admittedly made me uncomfortable as hell yet I still did and I was given positive affirmation for it. Little fact about me is that one thing I didn't get much growing up was positive affirmation so getting that made me feel like I was actually doing something right for once.

Over the next few months, J went from supportive and well intent to showing their true colors. As time went on they began to get more and more controlling with the things that I did as an individual. It went from supoorting the fact that I struggled with PTSD to using it as a reason that I shouldn't be making other friends besides them. From being supportive of my open mindedness with sexuality to coaxing me into spewing hateful rhetoric. Their family was actually really supportive of me at first, the thibg they had said about their mom turned out to be a lie used to play on my sympathy because their mom adored me as a person and constantly would ask if me and my mom needed anything. They sent us two big care packages through the mail with food and money for food and I originally was against that not just because I'm genuinely horrible at taking gifts but because they had my physical address and knew where I lived in case they wanted to "visit". The care packages meant a lot to me and my mom because we've been low income since I was little and having the luxury to live in a house or not have to worry about food consumption was something I never had.

During late spring, J began to be a lot more forceful with me by manipulating and gaslighting me into thinking many toxic things. I was afraid at this point of both J and being alone again. They would tell me that I should start acting more feminine and "like a girl" and that was REALLY triggering to me since over a big part of my life, I was questioning my gender identity and being forced into this feminine box made me hate myself. They would tell me to wear "panties", talk higher pitched, and even tell me to be a submissive partner who just lets them lead and me follow. I'm naturally a more dominant person in general so it was like I was disregarding a huge part of my identity. I was almost silenced into this role that J wanted me to be. They would force me to do lewd things online and while you could say that I shouldn't have been worried since it wasn't irl, they knew my address and last name.

One instance I remember was that J asked about my deadname and I told them and then questioned why I would change that name since it "was more feminine and fit me". It was upsetting to hear that but at least they didn't deadname me after finding out. They also kept telling me that I wasnt allowed to be attracted to anyone but them. I wasn't allowed to protest because they would threaten killing themselves and actually send a picture of them with a knife to their throat as if to threaten me.

A detail I left out intentionally was something that disturbed me the most about them and really makes me think they have a serious form of some kind of dissociative mental disorder. (Context: I'm not stigmatizing folks who have Dissociative disorders, my mother has one and the symptoms J exhibited make me think of someone who experiences detachment or disillusionment. Im not going to diagnose them but my instinct makes me believe that it could be something similar yet they have never been medically diagnosed.) J would constantly talk about a friend they had in elementary school who had taken their own life and how the spirit of this friend still keeps near them since they were close back then. This friend almost seemed to become a way to manipulate me later on in 2018.

This friend of theirs almost seemed to be a way to seperate themselves from how they treated me or avoid blame. This friend would threaten me that if I didn't let J r*pe me that they were gonna commit s*icide and that it would be my fault for not doing what they wanted. They also would threaten me to do what J said or else they would "possess" me. I'm someone who has had bad experiences with spirits so I didn't want to have more hell. J themselves would sometimes get extremely angry when I stood up for myself or expressed stuff I was really interested in and would threaten to track me down, assault me, and kill my mom. They also began pitting me against my mom because I would talk about how my mom was getting worried about me being hurt but J said that my mom was faking it and manipulating me and I almost believed J but I know my mom and I know she cares too much about me to do something like that.

Around September, I was practically an emotionless shell. I wasn't excited about anything, I wasn't angry anymore, I was barely feeling much of anything but a deep seeded sadness. I lacked in a lot of places and repressed any emotion I had so deep that I couldn't react to anything anymore. I think J began to notice because they started to actually act concerned after a while but that was flickering like a light switch. One of the last instances that I broke down was august of 2018 when I began crying heavily over microphone and begging them to not hate me. They had no reaction, no remorse , no empathy and when their mom came in they just left me there crying without affirming me at all.

During this time, I was sending hundreds of nude photos a day to appease them and they would get off and go to sleep and during the night I would secretly cry and look at queer based things in private to try and keep some semblance of my identity in tact. I actually started watching Sanders sides around July 2018 and enjoyed the series and how nice the fanbase seemed and it somehow helped me get through this rough period of time.

October was probably some of the worst time because I ended up missing my favorite holiday, Halloween which was the only time I personally enjoyed being myself because the element of the holiday made me happy. That halloween I spent on overwatch with J, overall miserable and hating myself. I also forgot to mention that J would dictate what I wore, they would hate that I wore boxer briefs and men's cologne and deodorant, they constantly questioned why I was trying to be masculine when I was AFAB but again I was also closeted with my gender identity and this shoved me even more into the closet when they would argue with me about it.

November rolled around and I had practically been at my breaking point, J was trying to convince me for weeks to move down south to live with them and their family and I was practically being forced. I have a fear of flying and I kept saying that I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my disabled mom by herself and my mom also hates flying. J was trying to get things their way and forced me too and I was looking into flights even though I was deadset on not going. November 11th 2018, I wasn't replying to J's texts right away because I was actually standing up for myself. They began HEAVILY threatening to end their life and I remember sitting there and crying without emotion then I hung up on them and told them to stop calling and texting me as they had begun to text and call me incessantly. I said I needed a break and finally let out a breath when they said ok.

Around late November, I felt as though I had misjudged Z and unblocked and messaged them, apologizing for being a dick to them. They initially forgave me and I was just going to move on but they asked if we could play in a public chill server and I accepted just to try and get my mind off of J. As we entered into the game, J suddenly started spectating and Z left instantly out of fear. I only talked to Z just to apologize and give context as to what happened, I was desensitized and just needed a friend. J messaged me apologizing frantically and saying "if you've moved on to date Z, just tell me so I can move on" and I said "no, I just needed a friend right now and I need my space. Don't talk to me for a while, respect that one thing." And thankfully, I was actually left alone.

December rolled around once again and at this point I had finally blocked J and moved on from everything, J's mom had messaged me on Facebook and told me that I was a "filthy cheater who just used J for their kindess and didn't care about them" but I did actually genuinely care deeply about J yet he abused my compassion by gaslighting me and putting me into this false sense of security. Before I could reply, she blocked me so she never actually took the time to ask me. I was feeling guilty for leaving J but I was reassured by Z during that time period and Z had apologised for previous comments as well. Z ended up introducing another friend to the group, we'll call them A. We would first play Overwatch but immediately switch to Minecraft which I had bought when still with J to play with their family. Around this time I had begun to cling to Z uninitentionally due to recovering from my trauma and needing that affirmation that I wasn't some terrible abuser, as J had manipulated me to think I was. Z was getting a bit bothered by this yet they had never publicly told me nor did they understand why I clung to them in the first place. Z knew I had PTSD and I had told them exactly what I had just described earlier about what J had done to me and Z was initially very empathetic though I was never told that my clinginess was bothering them because I was in recovery mode. Eventually towards the end of January, I was told by A that they knew why I was so clingy with Z. At first I was confused because they both had known that I had PTSD but A proceed. "The only reason you're so clingy with Z is because you're secretly still in love with them, I can read you like an open book and you would do best to stop denying your obvious feelings for them" Hearing this made me personally disgusted, appalled, and upset mentally. Z kept to the side during this discussion and didn't go against A however they didn't deny A's words.

I retorted by speaking about my trauma and how it made me cling to people unnecessarily but then A proceeded to invalidate my trauma by implying that I was over exaggerating what I had gone through. I felt awful and I forcefully distanced myself from them both only to go back once again out of fear of being alone. This continued for a while until July 10th, 2019 when I finally distanced myself from Z for good. I made my own account on Instagram and over the span of 2 years, I built up a community of people who liked my work and I got my sense of individualism back give or take. I recently changed accounts because this era in my life is brand new and I couldn't be happier with where I'm at.

This post is more so a form of being vulnerable and a bit of exposure therapy. Sure im not a perfect person, I can't even publicly out my abusers but I think it would do more harm than good. If anyone wants to have a warning for their accounts, at least on YouTube, message me on my Insta in my bio. I'm sorry if this was long and possibly upsetting but I wanted to just get this out. I dont know who would be seeing this but if you read this far: thank you, honestly its upsetting to have to go through so much bullshit and I hate talking about it because it's difficult to really put shit out there without feeling like its some tupe of attention thing. I don't want to post this for sympathy, I want to post this for me, just to feel better about where I'm at and also face my trauma head on to heal from it. I'm not saying this to compare who's life is worse or not but I am posting this to better myself.

Thank you again,

Spooky

BL Show Review Series - TharnType

ThIt was requested that I make my next BL review about TharnType. And since series two is ongoing currently, it seemed like the right time to dive into this flawed series that struck gold with its two leads.

Disclaimer that these are my own opinions, and I don’t know where the BL community as a whole stands on these shows. If I disliked a show you loved or visa versa, no disrespect is intended!

MASTERLIST OF BL SHOW REVIEWS

Spoiler Warning and TW: homophobia, child sexual abuse, sexual assault

TharnType Rating: 5/10

These boys can kiss. If you want me to boil down the appeal of this show, that would be it. I said in my intro that this series struck gold with its two leads, and it’s true. Mew Suppasit and Gulf Kanawut look like they want to devour each other for every moment that they’re on screen together. They also go in full force on the bed scenes, of which there are quite a few, starting early in the series and continuing through until the end.

Often in BLs, the acting can seem stilted and the relationship forced. It’s easy to tell that you’re watching two straight men just giving it their best effort for a job. I think that’s why this series gained such a huge following. Well, the chemistry, the skinship, and of course, the fact that both leads are gorgeous. 

It’s probably not for the plot, which is...gibberish and occasionally offensive. The author of the story, MAME, seems to have only one trick up her sleeve for creating drama: rape. I talked about my frustration with this when I reviewed another MAME original in the same universe, Love By Chance. 

The very premise of the story is confusing, because we are supposed to believe that gorgeous, talented, kind Tharn has fallen in love with Type, who spends the first two episodes making Tharn’s life hell after Type finds out he’s gay. But...why though? I know he’s handsome, but Type is homophobic, abusive, and borderline psychotic in those first few episodes. What the hell does Tharn see in him? 

That’s what I mean by the premise being faulty. If I don’t believe in the foundation of the relationship, how can I become invested in it? There’s a very easy way to solve this problem: spend the first episode or two establishing the friendship between Tharn and Type and the way they interact as roommates. Then when it all falls apart after Type learns about Tharn’s orientation, at least Tharn’s crush on him would make sense. 

Instead, there’s a throwaway line in Type’s voiceover in the opening moments of the first episode saying that he and his new roommate Tharn are friends, and that’s it. We don’t even see them interact before Type finds out he’s gay and goes nuts.

Tharn is set up to be the sympathetic character, enduring Type’s bullying, even as he can see that Type has feelings for him that he’s hiding. However, in the second episode, Tharn takes advantage of a drunk and passed out Type. He doesn’t have sex with him, but he does touch his body without consent, and then give Type a hickey on his neck as a prank. And then in the next episode, he follows Type into the shower and proceeds to give him a blowjob. Type tries to push Tharn away, but eventually gives in.

(not pictured: enthusiastic consent)

And again, because Mew and Gulf go for broke during these types of scenes, the sex is really hot. However, that helps mask the fact that Tharn definitely forces himself onto Type. 

We soon learn that Type’s hatred of gay people stems from the fact that he was sexually abused by a man when he was very young. This scene is shown non-explicitly in a flashback. 

It really does seem like MAME believes this sad backstory is enough for us to forgive Type for his truly horrifying behavior. In fact, that’s all this bit of character development does. Once Type tells Tharn and cries on Tharn’s shoulder, he promptly forgets about it for the rest of the series. No more nightmares, no more panic attacks, no more PTSD. That child abuse plotline served its purpose of excusing Type’s homophobia, and then it’s tossed aside. 

People have told me many times that I should stop taking these shows so seriously. But how am I expected not to take it seriously when the show presents such a serious topic? If you only want to be a silly, pleasant BL, then you need to focus on silly, pleasant things. An author doesn’t get to choose these heavy subjects and then wave away criticism because it’s ‘just BL.’ At least, that’s my own opinion.

And all that finally leads us to Tar. Tar is Tharn’s ex-boyfriend in high school. If you are familiar with Love By Chance, then you know what happened to him. In high school, he was gang-raped and then forced to hide the truth and break up with Tharn. 

Again, MAME has a very limited toolkit. This time, the gang-rape of a child is used to illustrate the lengths to which a character will go to keep Tharn all to himself. This fact could have been just as effectively conveyed without resorting to rape. Blackmail of a different variety would have been enough. But since she did insist on going this route, it was up to her to see it through to the conclusion, which she did not do. 

None of the faceless people who committed the crime, nor the mastermind who hired them all and then recorded them to blackmail Tar, see any consequences. There is a filmed confession and attempted murder and yet...nothing. No one calls the police. It’s never even considered. 

And then there’s Type’s big plan to make Tharn believe they broke up so that Type could catch the bad guy. I can accept it because Type isn’t the brightest bulb in the pack, so maybe he really does think this is the only option.

However, his explanation is that Type needed Tharn to look devastated so that he won’t make the bad guy suspicious. However, then Tharn really is devastated, so he goes home, where he refuses to speak to anyone anyway. So why was Type emotionally destroying his boyfriend worth it? For the drama, I guess. Hey, at least he didn’t rape him. 

But my god  can these men kiss.

 And there are these little moments, where Type tries to be tough around Tharn, but he can’t help smiling at his boyfriend being sweet. They make my whole heart grow. 

If you are prepared for the less savory bits of this show, I’d say it’s worth it for the scenes with Tharn and Type being cute or sexy or cute and sexy together. 

And if you’re interested in fanfic, I put together rec lists for multiple BL shows including this one that can be found here and here. 

MASTERLIST OF BL SHOW REVIEWS

(Send me an ask if you have a show you’d like me to review - with the understanding that I will be completely honest - or if there’s anything you think I forgot or got wrong in this review.) 

I feel pretty much the same about this negative perception on SU being popular. I do feel like the discourses and drama that happened, especially the 2015 incident, played a part in that in a big way even though at the same time i feel it's not entirely the show's nor Rebecca's fault those happened since that is unfair but it does seems people see SU in a unique way when it comes to the negative that people probably don't care

Well, yeah, i kinda agree on that. Some fans on this website were treating Zami070 like she was a dictator over her drawing style. But that's what happens when you lack zero awareness and don't reflect on your actions. For a show that was trying to teach "love and tolerance", many fans seemed to completely ignore these lessons and used it to push their own agenda:Ships,headcanons,bullying and harassing...

It's not suprising there was so much discourse when the episode "Bismuth" came out because some fans had the same type of mob mentality that Bismuth had. The difference was that at least with Bismuth you could understand why she acted the way she did. These people? There was almost no explanation. So, its no wonder why they missed the point of the episode and got angry when they were proved wrong.

It's not SU's fault or Rebecca Sugar's fault that for a long time this fanbase was considered one of the worst cartoon fandoms. She tried to stop it many times but the infighting and bullying went on and on.

As for the negative perception that Steven universe has: Many people were ready to tear down this show apart before it started airing back in 2013. I don't know if you haven't read Introvertceleste posts about Crewniverse members talking that there were already people complaining about Garnet's design and how she's was "an awful role model" or Steven being a "straight white male" despite being different from your classic stereotype and sometimes acting as a trans metaphor (see Diamond's days arc).

For a few years the series was well- received. Animation fans and reviewers liked Steven universe a lot. Then in 2016-2017, a few videos rants on youtube started to pop up. Some of them would get tons of views. This made other youtubers say "Hey, let's do this thing, it's going to gives us hundred thousands of views" and that's how SU hate train started.

SU youtube rants start getting recommended, each one more spreading false rumors and more missinformation than the last because they were desperate to "destroy" a children cartoon.

Then you have the "Steven universe critical" thing that while they started pointing some issues the show had over time it developed into nitpicking, harassment to other fans and writers over ships and right down making up bullsh*t to make SU or the creators look bad.

They started calling Rebecca Sugar every name under the sun and making look like she was the next Hitler. The funny thing is that Rebecca was actually nicer than most of these so called "SU critical" and probably she didn't have any idea that they existed in first place.

She didn't encouraged harassing, she didn't say that SU was only "for lesbians and women" (in fact she created this show for a boy demographic but those who wanted to gatekeep the show seemed to forget about that).

As why this happened i can think of two reasons:

1)Cartoon Network's horrible schedule: The haituses of SU were ridiculous.We only got 3 or 4 episodes every 6 months. This made fans become more and more frustrated or many just dropped the series.

2) The purity culture that this website has: It's pretty common for cartoon tumblr to put on a pedestal shows that have representation but in the moment it does something wrong,everyone stars hating on the show. It's always the same thing. I think the exception to this rule is Kipo and the Age of wonderbeasts as it didn't get very popular.

I swear, just wait half an year and people are going to start hating on The owl house which is only on its first season And calling the creators horrible things. Right now its happening the same thing that happened with RS and Noelle: She's being treated like a god and the moment she says or does something wrong,bang! She gets cancelled. That's how it works.

The issue is that creators that are LGBT and minorities often get more hate for putting representation on their shows than those who don't. Many are afraid of writing their own stories out of fear of being harassed and acussed of transphobia and homophobia. It's counterproductive and very bigoted.

The most frustrating thing about this for me is when i see cartoons fans putting SU on the same level as Voltron. You know? The show that did a "Bury your gays trope" by killing one of the few gays characters? All this while Steven universe being the show that really cared about putting LGBT couples in first place. And this is something that many cartoon fans fail to undestand: No, it wasn't She-ra 2018, Kipo, The owl house or Adventure time that started all this. It was Steven universe, yet they ignore its cultural impact most of the time. It's very frustrating.

I just wanna say how tired I am with some oumota shippers and their argument that oumasai is a bad ship cause apparently Shuichi never cared about kokichi and is annoyed with him and that oumota is better cause kokichi "opened up" to kaito like what they both were dying and kokichi had to convince kaito to work with him so he had to tell the truth that he wasn't the mastermind or else they'll die a meaningless death.I just really wanted to say this cause its driving me insane

Anonymous said:

Btw i was the anon that sent that ask ranting about oumota shippers saying oumota is better than oumasai and I just wanna clarify that I don't hate oumota shippers cause I know its their opinion and everyone can ship what they want but i feel like I really needed to tell someone about it cause it has been messing with my head and I don't have any irl friends that like DR and this blog felt the safest to vent to

Oh my goodness I’m so sorry you’re dealing with those people! I have a friend who is actually suffering from the same exact thing. Constant harassment from Ou**ta shippers saying Oumasai is toxic. I’m happy you feel like this is the safest blog to vent to ;; And just to make you feel better, here are a bunch of reasons why YOU’RE 100% RIGHT! and you shouldn’t be attacked or ashamed of how you feel towards that ship and all that hate towards yours. If anyone says Shuichi hated Kokichi and never cared for him just read this post! https://natsumiheart.tumblr.com/post/177427505177/hewwo-what-are-your-opinions-on-the-people-who

Warning: If you like Kaito x Kokichi I recommend you don’t read what’s under the cut, I don’t want to diss anyone’s ship in front of their face. That’s just insensitive, and the last thing I want is to ruin someone’s day. Unless you really want to know why others don’t feel the same as you, then don’t check out this post. Thank you!

Note that while I mention the bunch of reasons why this ship just straight up wouldn’t work out, I’m going to ignore the fact that Kaito acts very homophobic and transphobic in the japanese version of the game. I’ve mentioned it in this blog a bunch of times before, and it’s pretty obvious that everyone ignores his Homophobia so I’m just going to pretend as if he’s not homophobic and break down why exactly this ship wouldn’t work out even without him being homophobic in the first place. But I’m definitely not going to exclude how he acts towards guys in general.

> Kaito treats most guys he meets like trash, unless he respects them. Whenever Kaito finds a guy acting “Weak” he literally looks down on them, even gets frustrated with them. Huge proof is how he treated Shuichi for crying over Kaede, and then later punching Kokichi because he was acting “Weird”. Kaito was a huge fan of Ryoma, but when he saw what he has become, someone who has given up on his future, he started treating him badly, and after Ryoma was dead he even talked badly on him calling him “Weak.” and a “Sissy.” Not being able to understand the pain Ryoma was going through or how things were for him. He also got creeped out by Korekiyo for acting like a girl before he even revealed that he was “posessed” by his sister. Aren’t all those moments in the game enough proof that Kaito just straight up doesn’t like guys at all in that way? Then how could he *love* a guy, and Kokichi of all people. Heck, Gonta x Kaito make more sense than Kaito x Kokichi, even though he yelled at Gonta once for crying and being too weak for a man.

It’s shown multiple times in the game that Kaito treats guys like trash, and he treats Kokichi the worst of all.

Note: I do think Kaito can change the way he acts towards guys, but I don’t he will ever love one romantically.

> I think we can all agree that Kokichi is really hard to deal with sometimes. He distances himself so much from everyone as much as he could, and he won’t back down that easily even if it meant hurting others’ feelings. He keeps lying constantly so no one can figure him out or get close to him. We don’t exactly know the reason why, but he has major trust issues and it shows.That is the reason why for us, seeing Shuichi listed under “Trustworthy” was a big deal. (But I’m not going to dive deep into that since I already did multiple times in this blog.) My point here is that Kokichi needs someone with patience, someone who could understand him a bit and why he does what he does. Someone to decipher his actions and break down his walls, but isn’t afraid to sometimes step his foot down and tell him that his actions are wrong and he’s harming others as well as himself. Kaito on the other hand grows frustrated with guys so quickly, he doesn’t listen to their reasoning before heading in for physical violence. THAT is exactly the opposite of what Kokichi needs! And I still don’t understand how others can’t see it! When Kaito punched Kokichi in chapter 4, he was already in so much despair over seeing the secret of the outside world and that punch made it worse. To the point he stayed silent then locked himself in his room. How in the world do people actually see this ship as better than oumasai? I don’t get it.

Kokichi shouldn’t be with someone that will treat him like trash, and physically (if not also emotionally) harm him for how he’s acting.

> Opposites sometimes attract, but POLAR opposites do not. and I’m talking from personal experience here, two people who are different in so many ways (ESPECIALLY THEIR WAY OF THINKING) will end up fighting 24/7. It was shown again and again in the game that Kokichi and Kaito do not get along thanks to how different their approach is to things and their seemingly different upbringings. Ships between two characters who fight a lot just make me so uncomfortable and disturbed, because I know how these relationships actually end up in real life. Fights do happen in relationships sometimes, it’s even needed to strengthen the relationship, to realise that no matter what happens you STILL love your partner, but when you fight every single time you talk? That’s a bad sign! 

Fighting is NOT romantic and it never will be! And when it has physical violence mixed in? My god. Please do yourself a favor and break up with your partner if they keep hitting you.

> Kaito doesn’t ever side with Kokichi:

He literally said in chapter 4 “I don’t wanna survive it means I have to stoop to your level!” and Kokichi said “Then die in a hole for all I care! WE wanna LIVE, so stop getting in our way!”. Kaito will never be on Kokichi’s side, Even if it meant his death and the deaths of all his friends.

When Kaito realised that maybe watching all the motive videos together would’ve prevented a murder from happening Shuichi is the one that points out that it was what Kokichi was trying to do. But then Kaito is like “Huh, really?” Then brushes it off. Because of course, of course Kokichi wants murders to continue. Right?

Even after Kokichi spilled everything to him because he was literally about to die and really wanted Kaito to go along with his plan and believe him. Kaito still stated that he still thought he only thought of himself. Even after Kokichi sacrificed himself to save HIM from the poison and MAKI from being his murderer. He still hated him and didn’t believe him. The only reason Kaito went along with his plan was because he was about to die anyway, he was running out of time and he needed to get out even if it meant following Kokichi’s plan and killing him in the process.

When two people actually love each other they have each others backs. But with these two, they never will.

> I don’t believe Kokichi hated Kaito. But he literally thinks he is stupid and is a bad influence on everyone. These two have a relationship of two siblings that can’t stand each other. I always see myself and my brother in them, which is another reason why their ship makes me beyond uncomfortable. My brother puts his trust in people way too easily, and believes whatever tf his brain comes up with because y’know it’s him and “he’s always right”. He would never take a second to think that maybe he’s wrong, just like Kaito and his hunch. I on the other hand find him incredibly stupid, we argue a lot because our way of thinking and our beliefs are very different, we even used to hit each other a lot. We never really got along. And the way Kokichi and Kaito act around each other really reminded me of it, but you don’t know me and you don’t know my brother so why should you take my word for it? An example I like to use when trying to explain this point to others is the relationship between Stanley and Stanford in Gravity Falls, those two fought a lot in the show but in the last episode they had to work together on a plan despite their differences. Doesn’t it remind you of a certain story that happened in the game? Kokichi and Kaito’s relationship resembles theirs so much it’s insane. 

I feel like the game tried to show us how these two are more like siblings but on bad terms, even giving them similar hair and eye colors. But that flew straight over every rivalry shipper’s head.

These are some of the reasons why Ou**ta wouldn’t work out and can’t even be a thing in the first place, I said it before and I’ll say it again: I could write a book about this topic. But I’m kinda busy today and I have to leave the house soon- I hope you’re convinced that you are actually right. (I’ve been told countless times that I’m wrong leading me to question myself, so I wanted to help out by reassuring you that your feelings are valid and you’re not wrong in this situation at all) Saying Oumasai is toxic for one line Shuichi said while he was angry and defending his friend, while shipping Ou**ta and ignoring all this stuff is like the most hypocritical thing anyone can say. 

And yeah, people should ship whatever they want. Lots of people ignore characters’ feelings and ship the crackiest of ships, making very OOC art and fanfiction. And they can do that! But they can’t go around dissing people for their ship while supporting an obviously flawed one. Honestly you shouldn’t attack people for their ships in the first place, no matter what YOU ship. Just stay in your own bubble and stay away from the ships you dislike. It’s not that hard!

If you’re an Ou**ta fan reading this, I just want to say thank you for reading this far, and I’m really not saying you should stop supporting your ship. I’m just explaining why we feel this way towards it and the evidence we have behind it. If you’re one of the people who go around attacking shippers while boasting your ship. Please stop? Seriously, stop giving a shit about other people’s opinions and life will suddenly become much easier.

I’d like to clarify: If anyone responds to this post telling me I’m wrong, I’m not responding. My blog is for me to post art, sometimes funny stuff to make people’s days, interact with my followers and draw their requests, or ranting about topics I’m passionate about (Mostly DR). I do not want it to be a place for ship discourse, so if I get disagreeing replies or asks I’m going to ignore them like I always do whenever I post these rant type blogs. I hope you understand.

Any opinions of the series final/Destiel?

Oh. Wow.

Okay, let’s do this.

About the final : I can’t have an opinion because I haven’t watched it. I know everything that happens in it, I have basically seen the episode in gifs, and I read my mutuals opinions. But I can’t do this for personal reasons, and not because of some revendication.

See anon, my personal life have had more than its share of losing love ones, and Supernatural, in addition to just being awesome, was always my shelter from the brutal chaos of reality. People don’t get cancer in Supernatural, they don’t commit suicide because their work pressures them, they don’t get lethal lung infection... If they die, it’s heroic, blaze of glory. I had prepare myself for Dean to die like that, Jax Teller style.

(I cut because my answer is long)

When I woke up on Friday (I’m in France so the episode was in the night for me), opened my app, and saw what happened, I burst in tears. In fact, I had a panic attack so bad that I couldn’t get to a meeting I was supposed to lead, and it took my several hours to just manage to get myself together enough to take care of my patients.

The absence, the part of seeing Sam having to make funerals, imagining him emptying Dean’s closet... Been there, done that. I can’t. This is life, this is too real, too close to home and it made very awful parts of my life come back. So I chose to not watch it, to protect myself.

But an opinion ? I mean, it’s a show, I take what they make, it’s not my place as a member of the audience to choose where the story is going, just as people don’t get to call the author of a book to tell him/her to finish like this or like that. It’s just the end the authors chose, yes, I would have wanted more for Dean because I love him, but I’m not rewriting the story... (Or actually I kinda am in my way, being a fanfic writer.)

About Destiel : I always thought the Destiel shippers were among the most creative, sometimes really fun too, people of the fandom, and even if I never saw their relation like that, I was amazed that people did. Then came the episode 18... And all the drama.

I had never stopped thinking of Castiel’s deal with the Empty and, seeing the end of the show coming, it was, for me, obvious that he was going to die (I was not prepared for Donna though, or Eileen, but apparently no one really cared about those amazingly heartbreaking scenes)... And then he said “I love you”.

The scene was beautiful because Castiel really told Dean some amazing things, things I have been dying to tell him, and I thought that giving -in the conclusions of the show- to the angel the role of raising Dean from his own perdition was a very strong symbol.

Was it in that romantic sense ? Was it not ? Did Dean stopped himself from saying it back ? Why did the Spanish dub made a different choice (I have a theory on that)... I might offence some of you but I don’t really care, I’m sorry.

I get that people shipping Destiel wanted it to be true, and I’m glad it was left open enough for people to see what they wanted in it. But some of those people really ruined those last episodes for me, and I think for other people loving the show for 15 years too. I have seen posts calling the cast homophobic, and the whole show. If the show was so homophobic why did you watch it until then ? Being homophobic is not one action, it’s a way of thinking, so if it was, you didn’t notice before ?

I think there is a big issue with this whole generation (I know how I sound), people are so used to be consumers, that any frustration becomes intolerable and start acting like babies when things don’t happen exactly like they wanted.

But something is dangerous about that. I never ever heard about the serious issue of homophobia so much on social media than for this fake problem. Let me tell you something : I work with young people who have been beaten for being gay, raped for that, I help find home for young member of the LGBTQI+ community who found themselves in the street. 

So Please, stop making the cause about your desires, a little decency. If you want to fight homophobia, please, please do. 

Thank you for asking, I’m sorry my answer is sour, long and probably confused. But I’m sad and I’m tired.

Jay

feeling angsty as hell so

WARNING: SENSITIVE TOPICS AND SELF HARM

If I miss any triggers, please feel free to let me know and I'll add them. I do look at tags as well 💞

Self Harm and Destructive Behavior Headcanons

Azula

Trigger Overview: Biting, Eating Disorders, Starvation, Binging, Self Abuse, Anxious Tick and Anxiety Attacks

Azula was a perfectionist and held herself to impossible physical standard, and so she refused to scar herself, reserving that 'honor' for battle. Instead, she would leave bite marks and temporary scratches across her arms and legs as negative reinforcement. Whenever she would fail to live up to her standards, she would bite herself as hard as possible- though never enough to bleed. Her bruises were considered reminders of failure, and so would never allow them to be seen by anyone, going so far and to wrap her forearms in bandages if necessary.

Before Ursa disappeared and Ozai began to severely restrict her diet in order to optimize her performance, she would go through severe periods of starvation and binging, often lasting days with periods of normalcy between the extremes. It was a cycle of psycological self-abuse, most often associated with her weight, or using starvation as a punishment.

Azula was taught by Ozai from a young age that trusting others was a foolish thing to do, and thus she developed a great social anxiety. When meeting strangers, she often expects them to speak first, and is made suspicious of personal questions.

When anxious or uncomfortable, she is prone to involuntary tapping, usually in the form of rhythmic finger drumming or bouncing her leg. If unable to achieve those, she resorts to scratching the back of her neck or shoulder. She also tending to tug on her clothes or clench and unclench her fists.

Ty Lee

Trigger Overview: Hair pulling, Nail biting, Objectification, Chewing lips, Drawing blood, Self Abuse

Ty Lee tends to pull out strands of her hair, usually as an anxious tick or self punishment. Its usually only one or two at a time. She also tugs at her hair in general, taking whole handfuls or her braid and pulling at them when overwhelmed.

She bites her nails, though usually stops before getting to skin. It's rare, but they will get rather short after being in high-stress situations.

Ty places herself below most people, though not consciously, and thus takes a lot more verbal abuse than she should. She claims none of it bothers her.

She chews her lips and digs her nails into her palms when they're long enough to, sometimes enough to draw blood. Sometimes she doesn't notice she's bleeding until it's pointed out to her.

Mai

Trigger Overview: Self harm, Knives, Hitting Things, Gender Dysphoria, Blood, Cutting, Repression, Hair Pulling, internalized homophobia and transphobia, Suicidal thoughts, Dark artistic media

When she was younger, Mai did cut herself, though in easily hidden areas like her inner thighs. She no longer suffers from this, but bears the effects of it. Instead, she now uses objects as tools to vent her frustrations. She often uses wooden or cloth dummies, trees, or targets.

Mai is prone to using her hands, finding lashing out physically to be easier than doing so verbally. She has broken her hand at least once after punching a wall. She never hits others out of anger, though holds no qualms with sparring unrestrained to vent.

Transphobia and bi/homophobia tends to come more out of her own head than from others, and she will sometimes force herself to conform to cisheteronormative views with little to no influence from others. She's become far better at accepting her identity into her late teens and early 20s, but still struggles on occasion.

Her repression often comes to a head in severe outbursts, and she fears expressing herself and the negative consequences of it. Her conditioning via emotional abuse follows her endlessly, and she is loathe to speak of herself at all sometimes.

While Ty Lee is known for pulling out strands and tugging anxiously, Mai has cut off most of her hair more than once. More commonly, it acts as a handhold and stim texture for when she gets overwhelmed or has a breakdown. Ending up with a bloodied scalp is common during her episodes.

To counteract her occasional suicidal tendency or breakdown, she tries to avoid physically harming herself in favor of venting on paper, often writing or drawing her internal plights in the form of self-deprecating or self-harm imagery. She is very secretive and protective of these, and takes severe measures to hide them.

hey! I absolutely love your writing & I was just wondering if you could do something where peter & Harley are dating but Harley doesn’t post or comment about their relationship and peter gets really insecure thinking it’s cause he’s not good enough 🥺

Honey Lavender

Thanks for the prompt, anon! It's not exactly what you asked for (sorry!), but I hope it's still okay! I hope you, and everybody else enjoys!

Slight Trigger Warning: there are mentions of homophobia, but nothing shown :)

--

Peter drops his bags onto the guest bed, a cloud of dust puffing into the air and causing him to sneeze.

"Oh dear, we havent dusted this room in a while, I'm sorry love." Ms. Keener ("Call me Macy, dear, we're family!") apologizes, rubbing an arm over the bedsheets to collect any of the remaining dust bunnies still attached to the linen, pieces of her dark chestnut brown hair falling out of her bun and into her face.

Peter flails his arms a bit, trying to reassure her quickly. "No, no, it's okay, its perfect, thank you so much, Ms- Macy." He corrects himself as she sends him a playful glare over her shoulder.

"Miss Macy? That's a new one." Another voice pitches in from the doorframe, cheeky, Harley's thin but muscular body leaning against the wooden panels with a grin highlighting his dimples, his baby blues twinkling.

"Harley James Keener, you be nice now!" Macy chides, leaning closer to smack him upside the head, Harley ducking around her hand with a chuckle. Peter watches the scene with a small smile, with only grows as boyfriend comes to wrap his arms around his waist in a tight squeezed hug.

Peter was (finally) visiting Rose Hill for the first time, after over a year of him and Harley dating, and he couldn't be more excited. He was still battling jetlag, and reeling from all the distinct differences between Rose Hill and Queens ('There's barely any noise out here, no cars horns or people yelling or anything'), but he had always wanted to come, always wanted to meet Harley's family and see just how the southern belle of his had been raised. And just a few minutes in, after having reached the Keener farm and having met Macy and Abbie (a spitfire is the only way he could describe her, he loved her already), he was already learning so much more about the small town life, and about his boyfriend, things he didnt even think about, and he adored it. He loved it with every fiber of his being.

"Ma," Harley whined, plopping his chin onto Peter's shoulder and rocking them back and forth, causing Peter to giggle. "Don't embarass me!" His accent has grown thicker since he came home a few months ago, after staying with Tony for the summer months, and Peter couldnt help how much he loved it, couldnt help the shivers it caused, Harley sending him a knowing look, eyebrow raised. Peter flushes, knowing that's going to be brought up later, during a more personal time.

"Then don't be rude to Peter." She snarks, sending him a sly wink, which causes Harley to rolls his eyes and Peter to laugh. She makes her way towards the door, swaying her hips and humming under her breath, before she pauses to give them both a hard stare, her vibrant green hazel eyes narrowing slightly. "No funny business, you hear me?"

"Aye aye, captain." Harley salutes lazily, grinning as his mom huffs, the smile on her face betraying her true emotions, and walks out the rest of the way, closing the door most of the way on her way out, only leaving it open a crack.

As soon as his mother is out of sight, the old wooden stairs creaking signaling her departure downstairs, Harley grabs on to his hips and spins him around, pressing a kiss to his lips as soon as he can. It was the first time they've been alone together since Peter landed, so he wasnt surprised at the act, just wrapping his arms around Harley's neck, one hand gripping his back and the other running through his hair, pressing them a little closer together and pushing back into the kiss.

"Missed you," Harley mumbles against his lips, before pulling away, a softer, personal smile tilting his lips, his eyes bright like a hot summer's day. A thumb brushes the skin of his hip from under his shirt, small, soothing motions. "Missed you so much."

"I missed you too, baby. So so very much." Peter puts their foreheads together, and shuts his eyes, sighing constantly as they start to rock gently in their embrace, swaying back and forth to an unknown song, to the beat of their hearts and the rhythm of their souls, combined, intertwined.

They spin a few circles together in silence, just breathing each others air and feeling each others heat, being in the moment, before Harley puffs out a breath, and murmurs shakily. "Pete, there's something I gotta tell you."

He opens his eyes, lifting his head to look into Harley's now stormy ones, swirling and churning with a darkness, a sadness that has Peter's stomach twisting, his heart dropping. What happened? Did he do something? What did he do?

Harley goes to tell him, goes to speak when another feminine voice cuts them off from down the hall.

"Harls, your friends are here!" Abbey yells from what sounds like down the stairs, and Harley flinches back, the embrace and the moment broken.

He calls back a quick "Okay, coming!" Before giving Peter a plastic, shaky smile, eyes wide and panicked. "Come on, let's go say hi, I guess."

"Harley-" He doesnt get the words out as Harley grabs his hand and practically starts dragging him down the stairs, and Peter stifles an annoyed (and worried) sigh, knowing that his boyfriend is clearly not going to answer whatever the heck that was upstairs anymore, now that his friends were here.

Oh well. Time to try and make another good first impression.

They slide their shoes on before going out the white, metal swing door, and onto the painted wooden wrap around porch that encompasses the entire front of the Keener residence. Right in front of the doorway, on the dirt driveway, sits two different ATV's, their engines still humming as they sit in park, their riders still sitting on top, one with one person and the other with a passenger. The person right in the front, with a bright orange ATV, lifts up the visor of their helmet, revealing a boy not much younger than Harley, with shaggy brown hair, oval brown eyes and chubby freckled cheeks, pushed up by a smirk.

"Yo Harley, you comin' out?" The boy yells over the hum of the engine, his voice full of teasing, of mirth. He makes eye contact with Peter, whose interovertive instincts cause him to shrink a little under the gaze, and raises an eyebrow, looking shocked, surprised. "Whose that?"

Harley ignores the second question, looking away as he responds to the first with a shrug, "I can't tonight, EJ, sorry."

"Oh come on, Harls!" The passenger on the other ATV chimes in, a younger girl with curly ginger hair and green eyes, her arms wrapped around the driver. "You never come out anymore."

"And you never answered his question, dude." The driver chimes in, finally, the older man's deeper voice rumbling lower than the engine of the machine, his gray eyes harsh and cold, his lips tilted in a disapproving frown. He nods his head towards Peter, who is now standing dumbly at Harleys side, as he asks, "Who is he? Your boyfriend?"

There's something about the way the man spits out the word that causes a flair of fear, of bubbling anger to rise in his chest, and Peter opens his mouth to spit back, to say loud and proud that why yes, yes he is, when-

"What?" Harley sputters, laughing anxiously, the sound sounding all fake and wrong. "No, of course not! I'm not gay!"

And Peter's heart stops.

His head shoots over to stare at Harley with wide eyes and a gaping mouth, but Harley isnt looking his way, wont look his way, his eyes averted and looking anywhere else but him, and Peter's heart his crumbling, his lung tightening and his throat squeezing as tears fill his eyes.

...what?

"He's just a- a family friend, and I gotta say behind to watch 'em, you know how it is." Harley gazes straight forward as he says this, his voice unwavering, but monotone, obviously forced to Peter but apparently not to his friends as they all laugh and nod.

"Okay, good! You had us worried there for a sec." The boy, EJ, snickers, before putting his visor back down, revving his engine for seemingly no reason. "We'll see ya later?"

"Yeah! Cya!" Harley yells back as the engines roar back to life, the trio pulling out of the driveway and shooting off down the road again, the bright orange ATV doing a wheely on the way down.

Theres a few moments of nothing, a few shattered heartbeats where the two listens to the roars fade into the distance, before Peter cant stands it anymore, turning on foot and racing back into the house, hearing the metal swing door clanging against the frame of the house. Hearing Harley call out to him, and as his vision starts to blur, he moves faster, pushing past Abbie with a mumbled apology before rushing up the stairs, taking two at a time, and making it to the guest bedroom slamming door behind him, causing the wood to splinter slightly.

As soon as the door is shut and locked, tears pool out of his eyes as he breaks down, pressing a hand to his mouth to stifle his sobs as he sits on the dusty, creaking bed, curling into himself as he hears heavy footsteps coming up the stairs, and another lighter pair coming after that, hears Abbie mutter something jokingly and Harley hiss out a response before the knocking and pleading start.

"Pete? Please open up, I'm sorry, let me explain-"

"Explain what?" He tries to snap, tries to yell and bite and sneer, but it comes out as a sob, weak and shaky. "How you apparently aren't gay? How I'm a 'family friend'?" Peter whimpers into his hands, rubbing at his eyes to try and get rid of the frustrating tears pouring out of them. It's stupid, he was so, so stupid.

"No, Pete-" Theres a light thunk, like Harley leaned his forehead against the door with a little too much force. Theres a sigh, low and sad, before Harleys voice comes back, still pleading, but softer, full of sorrow, "It's- It's not like that-"

"Isnt it!? You don't want to tell them a-about me, I-I get it." He does, he really truly does. He's just boring old, useless, nobody Peter Parker, while Harley is... well, Harley. So he gets it. He just doesn't understand why it hurts so damn much.

"Peter-" Now, he sounds choked, like Peter's pain is starting to get to him too, like the heartbreak is contagious. "Please, baby, let me in. Let me explain, please. I promise you, it's not what you think."

Theres a pause, and Peter hates himself, hates himself for considering it, hates himself for getting up, hates himself himself for agreeing with it, unlocking the door and stepping back just in time for Harley to open it swiftly, looking frazzled, hair askew and eyes wide, teary, his cheeks wet.

Their eyes reconnect, Peter's spilling brown to Harley's ocean blues, and whatever look is on Peter's face causes Harleys to crumble, and rush out, "I want to tell them! A-about us, I do, god, I want to tell them so bad, Pete, but-" He sighs long and low, eyes falling downcast, head bowed in shame. "They're homophobic, Pete. Everyone in this town is." Peter's heart thumps painfully in his chest, and so many different questions swirl in his head, but he swallows them down, letting Harley continue, voice tight, fearful, shaky. "I got lucky with my mom, my sister, I thought they were gonna hate me too when I first came out, I was-" his breath hicks. "I was so ready for them to kick me out and not look twice, but they didnt, and I'm lucky, Peter, I'm lucky. If the town found out, they'd- they'd tell ma to bring to therapy, to Church, to fix me like I'm some broken toy." He spits it out, bitter, angry, and the fire and ache in Peter's chest is slowly receding, slowly fading the more Harley talks and the more he understands. Harley sighs again, and his shoulders slump, eyes growing misty. "I wish I could tell them about us, Pete, I really really do. I wish I could scream it from the rooftops how much I adore you, but I just-"

"Can't." Peter finishes, wiping the drying tears off of his cheeks.

"Yeah." He whispers, squeezing his eyes shut, a few trickles falling. "I'm sorry, baby. Im so sorry. I didn't want to say any of that. I didnt mean any of it. I'm sorry."

Peter glances up at him, sees the way Harley looks, with his hunched frame, head low, eyes shut, tears streaming down his red face, lips trembling, hands shaking, and makes a wounded noise at the back of his throat, taking a few steps forward and pulling the boy into a tight hug.

How was he supposed to stay mad at him when he looked like that? When everything is out of his control, when he's only doing what he has to for his safety, for his life.

Harley stiffens in his embrace, before slumping forward into him, grasping at the back of his hoodie and burying his wet face into the crook of Peter's neck, shivering with a sob. "Its okay," Peter whispers, kissing the side of his head and rocking them gently back and forth, just like they had done earlier, before this misunderstanding, before this mess. "It's okay. I'm sorry for misunderstanding."

Harley shakes his head, sniffling. "No, no, you didnt- didnt know. I'm sorry I said those things."

Now its Peter's turn to shake his head, pressing another kiss to his head, this time behind his ear. "Its *okay*," Peter reiterates, reassures, and Harley sighs, his warm breath puffing against Peter's chest.

"No it isn't." Harley responds remorseful, his grip tightening. "I shouldnt have to do this. I shouldn't have to pretend, to lie. But I have to. I'm going to continue to have to."

"I know," Peter murmurs, rubbing a firm hand up and down his trembling boyfriend's back. "I know. It's okay, I understand now. Understand that you don't mean it." He pauses, shutting his eyes and hooking his chin on Harleys shoulder. "You're right though. You shouldn't have to do this. And I'm so so sorry that you have to live like this, especially around your friends, but-" He pulls away, opens his eyes, and places a hand on each of Harley's freckled tear stained cheeks, looking dead in his azure, shining, red rimmed but still so beautiful, so so beautiful eyes, and tells him firmly, promising, "One day, I'm going to get you out of here, away from this town and it's people, and you'll never have to deal with this again. Okay?"

Harley's face crinkles again, but this time its with joy, with love, a smile growing on his face as more tears trickle down his cheeks. "Okay." He murmurs, soft, shaky, but honest, but true.

Things may not be perfect, but one day, Peter thinks as he pulls his boyfriend, the love of his life, his soulmate in for another big hug, one day, they will be. As long as he gets to stay by Harley's side, everything will be okay. He's sure of it.

mace im sorry i don't have coherent thoughts but i'm so just like,,, what was klaus this season. what was ben. the cult was pointless to klaus' character. the things that matter to klaus' character were ignored. the dave stuff was a lot of nothing. i felt like the possession thing shouldve been huge for ben and klaus' relationship but we're supposed to think klaus feeling violated is funny and inconsequential? ben going to the light was just shoved in at the end? i just---what???? who??

i’m on the same page as you, anony, especially in coherency lmfao

klaus this season was.. not totally bad, but i think most of that can be put on robert for his acting and how well he knows his own character bc the writers clearly didn’t know what was up (or maybe they did and playing him off this season as comedic relief, having him tossed to the side and mistreated, is going to play into s3 somehow. idk. i’m not writing off any possibility because overall the writers have done really really well with everything else so in my soul i feel like there has to be a reason they did what they did to him this season yknow??) for all the jokes they had him making and stuff, i think robert definitely played klaus the way we as fans know him - suffering constantly but unwilling to let anyone actually see that and if they do he’s gonna make it sound like a joke. he’s not gonna act serious because that leads to pain and he’s had more than enough of that. HOWEVER. i am genuinely so so pissed that he didn’t get to fight or really use his powers this season. and the part before ben sacrifices himself where klaus finally got up the courage to try and help, the fact that he didn’t succeed - that it wasn’t klaus who saved the day - is just... sldflksd GOD I HATE IT. oh and the scene towards the end where everyone gets shot and the one remaining swede kills the handler?? THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN KLAUS. he should have come back to life as he does, as is PART OF HIS POWERS, grabbed a gun that he knows how to use well - thank you vietnam - and he should have shot the bitch. but no. we didn’t even get that. vanya got klaus’s levitation and diego got klaus’s telekinesis and klaus got ??? a cowboy hat. which i mean looks good on him and he deserves it but it doesnt make up for *gestures at everything* and tbh even that was tainted because one of the siblings says “50$ if we leave him here” when klaus runs to grab the hat. seriously??!! SERIOUSLY??! it’s not funny, it’s just more of people not caring about klaus and thinking abandoning him is a fun joke to make ANYWAY. onto things you actually mentioned sdlkdsjf;ls i think the cult wasn’t pointless to his character necessarily, i think it did provide something, but it wasn’t used to its fullest extent. we got little things like klaus talking about it making him claustrophobic and making him feel like his skin is on fire, and his followers become something he cant escape even though he desperately wants too - it’s like having the ghosts all over again except he’s sober and these are live people who can touch him. but the show never actually out loud makes that comparison when they should have. i think it would have helped the cult thing seem less random. as for the dave thing.. i don’t think it was a lot of ‘nothing’ but again i think they could have definitely done more with it. it lets klaus see dave again, in a way, and it shows us more about both of them and the relationship they had. we learn more about dave, who he is, the kind of people he had around him and the environment he grew up in. it shows us that klaus and dave talked about all kinds of things, nothing was too mundane or unimportant. it shows us that three years after dave’s death klaus is still grieving and is still 100% in love. and it shows us that klaus isn’t always as selfish as people assume right alongside another hit to the face (oof unintentional wording) of just how much he loved dave. he wanted to save dave’s life so badly he made a fool of himself, put up with homophobia, took a hit to the face, and still kept trying to stop him from enlisting even though, per the last timeline, it would mean they’d never meet. klaus is willing to have dave never know him, is willing to handle that pain and heartbreak pretty much forever, as long as dave lives. my heart literally cannot handle it the possession thing. i haven’t stopped being angry and uncomfortable and disgusted by it since i saw it like 2 days ago now. that plot the writers really fucked up on it was a big thing for their relationship but not in any way that lead to growth or understanding or power control or ANYTHING. i love ben but i have so many fucking problems with him after watching s2 that i almost wanna take my love back tbh. the writers tried to make it seem like what ben was doing was okay - because he was angry and frustrated with klaus, because klaus wasn’t doing what he wanted, because klaus couldn’t stay sober, etc. like any of that makes possessing someone without their consent okay... or threatening to possess someone the moment their guard is down (leaving klaus paranoid and afraid to sleep).. or getting permission to possess someone and then refusing to leave (and its double garbage when diego encourages ben to continue possessing klaus. diego’s reason was gross and even if he hadnt given a reason he was still encouraging ben to not give klaus’s body back to him. which like.. im sure klaus can see and hear what’s going on. so he now is aware that his brother would rather have ben-wearing-klaus than actual klaus. the amount that would fucking hurt. a nyway) klaus never really got to talk about how it made him feel, not in any situation where anyone was listening. he never got to go off on ben for what he did, and what he was about to do, even though he had every right to. ben kind of knew how klaus felt about it but he showed very clearly that he didnt care. ben just did not fucking care about klaus this season. and it wasnt a ‘tough love’ thing like they tried to do in s1. it was just horrible and it hurt to watch. and i feel like s2 ben wouldnt have apologized to klaus even if he had been seriously confronted. we now know that klaus has this power. and we know that it can easily be abused by someone else. and i feel like that could tie into his ability to make the ghosts corporeal and such. it could definitely work as an interesting lead into exploring more of his many powers. and it could have worked as a way to bring ben and klaus closer without anyone getting hurt or violated. but.. for s2.. it wasnt used that way. it was used as a way to degrade and humiliate klaus. and they clearly wanted us to find it funny. it was one of the least funny things to happen all season. actually probably THE least funny thing. right along with nobody giving a shit when they thought klaus was having a seizure or OD-ing (both during their meeting with reginald and in the alley when they were supposed to meet up to use the briefcase five got from the handler), AND OF COURSE  nobody taking klaus seriously, paying attention to him, or caring about him (except for allison at some points) and ben finally going into the light at the end..  was kind of shoved in?? but i think what made it feel that way, for me at least, wasn’t so much the placement or timing of it but that it wasn’t really acknowledged afterwards?? it just.. happened, and we were all heartbroken, and on screen... nothing. it felt like a very sudden end to his storyline and yeah they could have done a little more to make it feel like a natural end for him thanks for the ask and sharing your thoughts on s2 with me~!! <3

Album Review: Short Sighted People In Power: A Home Recording- My Politic

I am hungover. Not like...in the sit down in the shower way, though. I am writing this just days after watching the hopeless horror show that was our first Presidential debate of 2020, and just a few hours after watching the Vice-Presidential Debate. I am emotionally dehydrated. Thankfully, My Politic’s latest effort, “Short Sighted People In Power: A Home Recording '' is serving as my intellectual Pedialyte. This raw, unfussy collection of songs wades through the View-Master of the current American consciousness and I think it’s safe to say that most people feel concussed in two very different ways right now. The point of Kaston Guffey and Nick Pankey’s latest release is not to convince the listener of anything, but rather to put antiquated and learned ways of thinking next to facts and have them duke it out. It takes the overused rebuttal of “yA gOtTa sEe iT fRoM bOtH SidEs” to its most literal level and, well, it is as uncomfortable as it should be.

The title track puts music to all the things that bounce around in your head before you lift your head off the pillow. “Short Sighted People In Power” morosely lists the “bigger than me” bullet points of anxiety that coyly creep over one’s shoulder; all those annoying flashbulb headlines that run on a constant loop in the ticker of your brain.  No matter who you are, those weary inner voices are louder now more than ever. Earth’s environmental ticking clock, the ageless, nationwide opioid crisis, the pockets that have been stuffed because of it, and, ultimately, the devastating wake of greed are all on display here. It’s a blunt brick to the head. Am I supposed to feel hope or the lack of it from the line “It’s gonna take every one of us to get what we want”? I haven’t decided yet.

One of the most compelling things about this album is that it plays like a conversation at the dinner table. It’s Thanksgiving. There you are, surrounded by your family and all the strings that both bind and divide you. You and your cousin in the “Feel the Bern” shirt keep exchanging glances at each other as the temperature of the room rises. If the previous track was the hushed, corner mouthed conversation you had with each other before dinner, “Wrong Side” is the one shouted from across the table at a horrified Grandpa Rick and drunk Aunt Sharon. It’s a hailstorm of a chorus that cries, “Fuck the President. Fuck the GOP. Fuck the folks at Fox News spreading lies on TV. Fuck you for getting us into this and refusing to see. It ain’t no side. It’s one side. It’s your side and it’s the wrong side.” The rotating solo at the end of the track perfectly encapsulates the cyclical nature of conversations like this. It’s hard not to feel like a hamster in a wheel of our collective frustration right now. Nothing seems to ever get done, but we are worn the fuck out.

As the conversation continues, Rick and Sharon get their time, too. Told from the perspective of someone who prefers their hats red and their presidents orange, “Fantasies of a Fox News Viewer” is perhaps the rawest and most uncomfortable song on the entire album. It’s every baseless argument you’ve ever heard in all its glory, lacking all logic and overstuffed with emotion. Xenophobia, white nationalism, homophobia, blind Biblical trust, and just straight up, cold-blooded fear are Pollacked all over the dinner table and you’ve completely lost your appetite. (Whew. I really need to get out from under this Thanksgiving metaphor, folks). The thing that struck me the most about this song was my inability to stop my head from bobbing to its anthemic chorus. It proudly chugs along and would pair very nicely with a drink of choice being held high above my head. I don’t even recognize what I’m saying when I sing to myself, “Yeah, I miss America the way it used to be. When I turned on my TV all I saw was people just like me.” I stop singing for fear that my neighbor or my dog may think that I *actually* believe the words I’m saying. But, isn’t that so indicative of how the web gets spun so easily? When information gets dressed in the gown of performative politics, reality distorts. Sarcasm is lost, truth is lost, context is a bug to squish and you’ve decided how you feel about something based solely on how someone else is telling you to.

As the funhouse mirror stretches on, “Voter Suppression” welcomes us deeper into the Conservative Carnival. The whispered countdown ushering in the listener sounds as if the narrator is hatching a plot. It’s both sinister and tantalizing, two classic ingredients for manipulation pie. This song could be invited to hang out with the satirical company of South Park and Saturday Night Live (on its good nights) and more than hold its own. I can’t help but picture Trump, McConnell, Pence, and Barr in little ill-fitting barbershop quartet outfits, cigars flopping out of their mouths, singing this while bouncing around a fake saloon in the middle of Silver Dollar City. However, “Voter Suppression” doesn’t lean on cartoonish exaggerations of the truth to get its message across. One person’s satire can very easily be taken as another person’s doctrine. After all, the best and smartest comedy is rooted in life’s uncomfortable truths.

I think we can all agree that the one constant of this year has been the unveiling of a lot of those aforementioned uncomfortable truths. In “All American Way”, the narrator, in two minutes, lists over thirty examples of absurd and very real reasons why Black people have been targeted by the police. The track opens with, “Can’t go jogging. Can’t go walking. Can’t watch TV in their own fffffuckin’ apartment.” (That isn’t a typo. Listen to it and you’ll see what I mean). Each verse is more hurried and breathless than the last and you can practically smell the smoke coming from the pencil marks on the paper when it was written. As each example rolls on, a new name scrolls across your mind’s eye. “Can’t get caught with a broken tail light (Sandra Bland). “Can’t get caught selling loose cigarettes” (Eric Garner) “Can’t get caught playing with toys” (Tamir Rice). Then, we turn to the names we wish we never learned at all and ones I refuse to type here. “They can shoot up Black churches. They can shoot up the schools… White folks can shoot ‘till they’re blue in the face and you can bet they’ll walk away. It’s the All American way.” That last line is sung like a salute. Hand over heart, chin in the air, hat off the head. And most likely, someone out there doesn’t understand why that’s disturbing.

Track 6,  “The Experts Told Us”, sounds like how we all felt about a month or two into quarantine, or as the song says, “when we traded hope for darkness.” Knowing what we do now about the president’s negligent withholding of information about COVID-19 and the impact it was going to have on every aspect of American life, this song sits heavy on the mind and heavy on the chest. “The experts told us. The science showed us. But the ego of the POTUS was too big to fight off again.” The sleepy harmonica woven through the last half of it is forlorn and exhausted. It sighs in and out at the bleakness of it all like it’s sitting in the driveway with the engine off; at the house, but far from home.

The wit of Prine, the gusto of Cash, the fire of Guthrie, among others, are peppered seamlessly throughout this album.  But make no mistake; My Politic’s voice is all their own. Nowhere is that more evident than on the closing track, “Talkin’ RNC Blues.” Here, the listener is taken on an anxiety and alcohol-induced fever dream that plops the narrator right in the middle of this year’s Republican National Convention. It plays like a comic book; vivid and distorted. I wish I could hear this for the first time again so I won’t ruin anything for you, but be prepared for some well timed laughs to lift you out of the funk, even for just a moment.

Through the inexplicable fog, we forge on to another day of 2020. But we shouldn’t keep acting like this is some kind of “cursed” year that we just need to get through. To suggest that the problem is the year on the calendar and the solution is the page after December would be flippant, to say the least. Despite all of it, meaningful art and the fearless depths it dares to go will always rise above the silence and drown out the static. My Politic’s “Short Sighted People In Power: A Home Recording” is now available exclusively on Bandcamp and is set for a wide release on all streaming platforms this Friday, 10/30. Just in time for you to play it over Thanksgiving dinner….or not.

Two Qs, 1. How do I stop people from assuming I'm ableist n hate me for it if a character I Hate for TONS of petty+ serious reasons just happens to be a disabled character? Like if they were a brain in a jar with a mouthpiece I'd still not be in their vicinity without setting my head on fire it has nothing to do with their body or gender or skills etc. And 2. How do you post a fic w/o fear of some lurker stealing ideas n publishing it as a novel n becoming popular I mean... like CC exists......

Here’s the thing….there’s never ever going to be a person who manages to make it through life without being misconstrued on SOME subject. We have no control over what other people think about us, only on what we put out there for them to perceive and form opinions on. And sometimes those opinions are entirely contrary to what we feel we’re putting out there, and that sucks and can be aggravating as hell, and you might need to vent about that or groan to yourself or a friend or maybe it’ll make you bitter and petty on a subject, but at the end of the day - it doesn’t matter. You can’t ENSURE someone has the opinion about you and what you’re putting out there that you want them to have, and you just gotta find a way to be okay with that.

And there’s really no way around it, you just kinda gotta….figure out a way to make that happen. And its easier said than done, for sure, and its far from a sure thing, I bitch and moan constantly about people getting me wrong on various subjects because hoo boy do I seem to get a lot of people steamed about opinions I don’t actually have lolololol. So like I said, I get it, its frustrating as hell, when you’re absolutely sure the opinion they’re expressing of you is not based on something you’ve actually said or believe.

BUT.

But but but but but.

Before you go raring off to the races getting frustrated and fed up with a person because they seem just determined not to hear what you’re truly trying to say on a subject…..double check, triple check, make crystal fucking clear that you’ve reviewed what you’ve ACTUALLY said - not just what you think you said, not what you meant to say in your head, but rereading back to yourself what you ACTUALLY have said on the subject - and make 100% sure that they’re not picking up on something that YOU YOURSELF DIDN’T PICK UP ON WHEN EXPRESSING AN OPINION.

Because that happens. All the time. To all of us.

And just because we didn’t MEAN to put any ableism or racism or homophobia or sexism in there, that doesn’t mean that some didn’t slip in any way without our realizing not. We all grow up steeped in environments that are chock full of all those things and more, they inform and influence so many more of our opinions and choices and decisions than even we realize. And just because we don’t THINK of ourselves as being any of the above, doesn’t mean that we haven’t at any point expressed certain viewpoints or said certain things or performed certain actions…..that in and of themselves are ableist or racist or homophobic or sexist or transphobic or any of the above or more. 

And just because we didn’t notice it was there didn’t mean it wasn’t there, and THAT could be what they’re picking up on…..and while that one instance of harmful thinking/speech/action isn’t necessarily representative of who you are as a whole…..to someone who only knows you via certain limited interactions, that one instance is a far greater slice of the pie, so there’s no real reason for them NOT to assume that’s representative of you overall, rather than an exception that only slipped through the cracks because you didn’t realize it was there.

So if you genuinely, truly don’t believe you’re ableist in your thinking or opinions and thus don’t want anyone to assume that of you, the only way to really do that is NOT to assume that nothing you say or do is ableist because you know yourself and know that you’re not an ableist person.

Rather, the thing to do is each and every time someone accuses you of that, like….take the time to review what you ACTUALLY said or did that they’re responding to, and double check that its not actually ableist. Reaffirm if only to yourself that you stand by what you said or did and that you said or did it for the right reasons and not what they’re presuming. It really doesn’t cost you that much time or energy to do that check-up on yourself….and the end result is that it doesn’t mean that you’re going to be able to change that person’s mind about you - if you said what you meant to say originally, and after reviewing it still stand by it, chances are, they’re probably interpreting you the way they are for their own reasons, and there’s not much any of us can do about that. 

But at least you can be sure then that no matter what someone else thinks, YOU are comfortable with your reasons for feeling a certain way about certain characters or whomever…….and that ultimately is all that really matters. All that we have control over, and what we have to fall back on even when people are pissing us the hell off because they seem bound and determined to interpret us wrong - and truuuuuuust me, I mean it when I say I get that, lol.

But you gotta do the work. There’s no shorthand, not if you’re genuinely sincere about NOT wanting to be the thing that they think you’re being. None of us can unilaterally just….decide not to be ableist or something like similar, and TRUST that deciding not to be that thing ACTUALLY means that no ableist or similar thinking is ever going to sneak into our opinions or actions regardless. 

So ultimately, my best advice is just to remember to listen just as much as you pay attention to what you say and put out there….because no matter how certain you are of your own nature overall, that doesn’t mean that individual actions and speech can’t get away from you…..and it doesn’t hurt you to be open to being told you did or said something ableist even if unintentionally. Rather, if you genuinely don’t want to be ableist, its to your BENEFIT, to be told when you unintentionally put something ableist into something you said or did or wrote…..so that you can be aware, and thus make sure not to do the same thing again….since if you were already aware of its ableism, you would never have put it in or said it in the first place.

So I mean, I guess its just about…..trust in yourself when you truly believe you’re right, after re-checking your math or the equivalent….but just as important, don’t be afraid to be wrong, if your real priority isn’t being ‘right’ about not being what they think you are, but instead just being or BECOMING ‘better’ than they think you are.

2) As to your second question, just do it, Nike slogan or not. LOL. Sorry, but there is no real means of protecting your ideas because ideas can’t be copyrighted - that’s how someone like CC gets away with what she did. Similar advice to what I just said above…..just trust in your own ingenuity. Don’t focus so much on the importance of having singular ideas or stories that nobody else has anything like, because there’s nothing truly new under the sun….other than execution. Only the way YOU execute an idea and unfold it over the course of an entire story is ever going to be truly unique, because any single idea can be taken in any of a million different directions. And the more you allow your own creativity to be about more than just a single idea or premise you had, the more its going to become distinct as YOUR creativity, YOUR execution of your various ideas, no matter how many other people do stories of similar premises.

‘Real’ writers get ripped off all the time, and it sucks, but its never stopped any that I’ve ever met, because the thing about real writers is they don’t NEED to rip off anyone else’s ideas….because they’ve got more than just one. And anyone who can come up with an idea for a story in the first place, rather than just stealing someone else’s, can come up with a second one, and a third. I truly believe that. There’s no imagination that only has a one-story limit…..just people who lack so much imagination or faith in their own imagination they default to stealing others’ in the first place.

Trust in your own uniqueness as a person and have faith that will imbue your execution of any story idea with enough unique elements or flavor that it’ll still be distinctly yours even if someone else rips off the basic premise. Once you give yourself permission to just….not be afraid of someone ripping you off, because you know that EVEN IF that should happen, you’d be okay because you’d still have other ideas, more stories to write……I PROMISE you, the fear of someone lurking around and waiting to rip you off will vanish completely. It doesn’t mean that such a person won’t still be out there. It doesn’t mean that someone won’t still try and steal one of your ideas somewhere down the line. But it does mean that even if they do, it won’t matter….because unlike them, you’re more than just one single idea.

And if someone actually rips off your execution of an idea, ie plagiarizes your actual story? That’s a different matter, but there are recourses for that. I mean, the mere fact of being able to point to your story existing in some form before they ever brought out their ripped off version of yours means that at the very least, you can torpedo their credibility. The only way to truly LEGALLY be protected in case of actual plagiarism is to copyright something, and you can’t copyright a fanfic for instance, since you don’t own the intellectual property, and you can’t copyright your premise since as I said above, nobody can copyright an idea, so honestly, I really do say and believe you’re better off just….not worrying about it. If it happens, there are ways to address it then, but building it up as an inevitable or even a likely hypothetical usually just acts as a form of self-sabotage convincing us there’s one more reason not to put ourselves and our work out there.

And that is SO much more devastating to your career as a writer or even just a fanwriter, than someone potentially ripping off one story of yours…….because it means you never put ANY stories out there, just for the sake of protecting even just that hypothetical singular one.

Hey! Could I get to know some of your headcanons about dickfigures/your designs for them? :D

ya ya sure!!!!

i already have my designs for them up if you havent seen, here they are!

as for headcanons idk how long this post will be so ill just add a read more for anyone who might not wanna scroll thru it all lol

red!!!!!

his real name is rowan bc i thought it was cute, also it means “little red one” which is eVEN BETTER

he’s nonbinary masc and bisexual! the self projection is REAL

he has adhd

most of my headcanons kinda flow into my own version of dick figures because i’m not very Satisfied with canon NJSJDNSKM so like. for example red doesn’t just kill people or whatever. he gets into fights and has scars and wears bandaids a lot bc of them

he graduated college with blue, he got a bachelor’s degree in fine arts (honestly idk how college works bc im a grade 10 baby so if thats like totally wrong just let me know also im. canadian so idk how american school system works LOL)

red got suspended a lot in high school but never expelled. mostly bc he got in fights that were mainly him protecting stacey from shitty people (he sees her as his sister so he was rlly protective) and the school wasnt really sure what else to do so they just. you know. suspended him a bunch of times hoping itd do something but it didnt

he hates his dad! reason being is bc when he was born, his dad was actually an alien able to disguise himself as human, so he wanted to take red back to his home planet cuz red turned out to be more powerful than anything his dad had ever seen. but red’s mom was like Nope, so she snuck out with him and his plush cat (kitty amazing) and they were never found. red is very close with his mom and is scared of his dad coming back someday

we know he canonically likes rlly loud music so im just gonna project here and say he’s a metalhead. at least, some form of it. he likes the alt scene music and industrial rock. examples being deftones, nine inch nails, skinny puppy, rage against the machine, kittie and others. it keeps him focused and calm

bLUE!!!

we know blue was bullied as a kid but i dont wanna say red also bullied him bc i feel like thats just wrong to me? MAYBE ITS NOT ACTUALLY but it just makes me sad so like. lets say red, being as protective as he is, stood up for blue a lot cuz he was like “oh this kid cant fight” so he knew what to do

blue dated pink for awhile but they mutually agreed to break up after blue realized this wasnt what he wanted (he came to the conclusion that he was gay, well, he knew for awhile but it was Internalized Homophobia)

he grew up in a very conservative family so to see the world completely differently by meeting red, ems (lt), pink and stacey was a very good thing for him. unfortunately even tho his family did love him, it was conditional so they stopped talking to him after he came out. thankfully he’d already graduated high school by that point

despite being emotional blue isn’t very good at understanding how he’s an emotional person. he’s able to distinct one feeling from another and analyze them, but it’s just... hard for him to kind of. process WHY he feels a certain way? which is what’s led to a lot of his struggles in getting closer with ppl

he loooves reading and writing we already know this but i mean come on. he also got a bachelor’s degree in english/ela. so he’s able to become a teacher ig but he doesn’t really want to? at least not for awhile yet

blue was ems’ first friend. at first he couldn’t understand why they had tics but decided he shouldn’t get into someone else’s business. he didn’t find it weird, just cool!

he and red would always pair up for projects if they had classes together!!!!!! blue would do the writing/research and red would do the illustrations. they always turned out really good even if it ended with red cramming it at the last minute

surprisingly hates broseph more than red. well i mean its not surprising, because broseph was always a huge DICK to him

blue’s real name is wyatt!!!!! i forget the meaning but i felt the sound of it and the meaning fit him well

piiiiink!!!!!!!!!!

she’s still in college, getting her doctorate to be an astrophysicist!

pink is very very smart and will help anyone who’s struggling with something in school. she was basically the genius who always got in the honor roll every year. but, she actually was really anxious especially with exams

pink encourages stacey to go back to school, and sometimes stacey does, but she always ends up leaving again. it’s a little stressful but pink has hope for her

she’s never drank one sip of alcohol in her entire life. she smoked weed once, but it felt weird so she didn’t do it again

ever since she and blue broke up she’s been very supportive of him bc she herself is bisexual!!! so she sees nothing weird about it. in fact, about almost a year later she started dating stacey

pink’s real name is lily. when she became friends with blue she met red through him and she was like “can i join your nickname thing” and they said “sure” so they called her pink. stacey sometimes calls her pinky or just pink but mostly lily

pink helped red with academics. even tho he was sometimes insufferable to work with (/j thats a Joke i promise she’s a very patient person) she didn’t give up on him!!!! in return he helped her out with some fitness stuff cuz pink was always insecure about gym, and later when she graduated she actually got into exercising bc of red!

she loves travelling and going for walks. she owns a lot of houseplants and she’s given them all names and takes very good care of them! she also owns an albino ball python named Velvet

STACEYYY!!!!!!!

stacey is nOT actually all about sex this time ok. i don’t like that. i mean she did have some personality in canon but it wasn’t much? anyways she just really likes to express herself thru tight/”risque” clothing like fishnets and leather and pleated skirts and thigh-highs and platform boots, all of that. basically she’s a goth girl but doesn’t really “act” like one

she’s really intelligent when it comes to animals and insects and will tell you anything you need to know. when she goes back to college she gets a degree in environmental science

stacey can play the electric and bass guitars!!!! she was in a band back in high school but it never really went anywhere beyond performances at parties in someone’s garage. not that she didn’t like it, looking back on it makes her feel happy, but she wished it continued. probably why she has a hard time going back to college bc she’s not sure what she really wants

stacey is a trans woman btw!!!!! unfortunately it was a little difficult in high school to be who she was bc some kids were jerks, but there were a lot of others who supported her which is good

she views red as her brother as well and they still hang out a lot

i haven’t really had time to focus on stacey and make headcanons and stuff for her so i don’t have a lot but... let’s say, secretly, she’s a scifi nerd. and for the sake of debate, let’s say she’s a marvel fan. if you count being a fan of deadpool as being a fan of marvel

LOVES GIRLS.... loves pink!!!

has very similar music taste to red’s!!!!!

emssss!!!!!!! (lt)

instead of being a stereotype of ppl with tourette’s syndrome, it’s just a normal thing that isn’t focused on a whole lot. it doesn’t make ems swear but if they get really really frustrated they’ll curse while doing one of their tics

ems is agender, i’d say they’re also ageless but i don’t really want to make them too “nonhuman” because i feel like that’s dehumanizing to people with tourette’s. so let’s just say most laws of existence don’t apply to them

they’re very friendly!

they’re an aspiring musician, just like in canon

ems is also big into horror movies believe it or not. they’re pretty critical of them though like most horror movie fans, and only like specific ones (i’m not a horror movie fan myself so i can’t say what Specific Ones they like ajsdhbjn just imagine they have good taste okay)

they r very artsy too and like doing crafts cause it gives them something to focus on. it’s just a hobby though it’s not something they’re Professional at

they love nature and flowers and trees and all kinds of plants and animals!!! they like to document what they see when they travel thru nature and stuff so they bring a camera with them (and their phone, but, you know whatever)

ems was never really affected by things people said to them regarding their syndrome. to them it was something they were born with, so they couldn’t bother to feel bad about themselves. in certain situations theyre able to control it but 90% of the time they don’t care about what ppl think

aaaand there u go!!! as for minor characters like raccoon, jason/trollz0r, broseph, dingleberry, they all exist (raccoon isnt a racist stereotype tho), i just dont focus on them a whole lot. most of my hcs for stacey and ems here were thought up on the spot since i havent had time to lay out all my ideas for them but i hope what i have here is good !!!!

also, red and blue ARE dating, and pink and stacey ARE ALSO dating. gay rights