#its hard to lose someone that way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mariatesstruther · 7 months

Text

tw drug addiction and overdose

i really wanted them to delve more into joel’s drug use and drinking, even briefly through a few lines, more in s1. we see him chug back booze and pills like theyre his nightly vitamins, then get up the next day and be ad functional as we assume he usually is. it’s obvious he must’ve been very deep in the haze of casual/functional addition in the time before the show starts, which is why im suprised they didnt really do much in terms of showing any casual withdrawal symptoms of cravings

even something as simple as him finding a bottle of pills at bill and franks and maybe pausing, considering taking them, considering going back down the hole again to ease the pain of losing tess and having to be responsible for this kid that reminds him of sarah so much it hurts. but he puts them down, and he moves forward

i also would love if maybe we got more of tommy’s perspective of what addicted joel was like in those years where it was hard for them to be together. how did tommy feel, seeing joel (who probably lectured him a thousand time in school about how smoking and drinking and doing random shit could kill you, could kill your brain, you need to be fuckin careful, tommy) down a bottle of hard liquor every three days and steal from his own stashes to get high. how would tommy feel, having to wake up joel and get him to puke one too many mornings, scared that his heart rate is way too fucking slow and he took way too fucking much last night to be able to breathe? he wonder’s constantly if and when joel is going to go to far, accident or not. the waiting and wondering tortures him, even after tess gets ahold of joel’s habits and get just a little bit better. the fear is always there

#joel miller #addict joel #bc i feel like yall joel simps forget that his drug use likely had very adverse affects on tess and tommy and himself #‘how could tommy leave him’ imagine seeing the one person u looked up to your entire life give up on hope #on goodness on integrity on his own health #when he’s been all youve wanted to be your entire life #its hard to lose someone that way #to lose them without even really lose them #to feel them slipping away when you still see them everyday. when theyre right there #tommy miller #joel and tommy #tlou #the millers #joel #tommy

19 notes · View notes

carnivalcarriondiscarded · 10 months

Note

okay but the realization that Howdy is actually a little bit of a scoundrel? a scammer even?? was like the BEST part of the update for me!!! his got a bit of spice to him i like that!

idk if it’s just me but it feels like it’s very important that Eddie was the only have like a extra audio thing on his character sheet in the neighborhood besides Wally and the You page?? like that feels significant somehow right??

i just really loved both Howdy and Eddie in these updates they were so great

GOD i know i know he's got some Kick to him! he's got Flavor! i love how he turned the common perception of his character on its side - everyone expected him to be wholesome and helpful and sweet, and then the update came in with the fuckin steel chair-

hmmmm i can see both sides of the beetle on Eddie's bio - the significance, and the possibility of it just being There because most pages had 1-2 bugs, and the audio was about Eddie. but ALSO its so so likely that is Was significant! i honestly thought so as well!

i mean, the beetle is very uhhh, Valentine looking? the prevalent heart shapes, the soft pink-yellow-white coloring, plus its an audio centered on Eddie and Frank. we already know FranklyDear is going to be an established Couple - so i'd agree that the significant is There! and if we lived in an alternate world where we didn't know about FranklyDear, we'd all be losing our collective shit over this and theorizing the hell outta it

#SORRY I DID NOT SEE THIS ASK!!!#im going back through to see what i can answer that Doesnt have a scribble idea attached/prompted #i remember making a sort of delighted Suprised Pikachu Face listening to howdy's audios for the first time #bc like wow! yeah! hes a bit of a menace!#how did we not see it coming... hes a Salesman... of course hes Like That lmfao #of course hes gonna scam them! everything is already technically free and its not like theres any other way to get their goods!#he might as well have fun with it! thrifty bitch (affectionate)!#rambles from the bog #and how eddie is a totaly sweetheart and so helpful and a complete pushover-#ok not a Complete pushover #but its obvious he has an extremely hard time saying no and feels obligated to do whatever is asked of him #i hope this bites everyone in the ass. i hope the neighbors stretch him so thin he snaps <3 #i want to see/hear eddie go the fuck off on someone <3 #i love it when sweet doormat characters Lose It <3

66 notes · View notes

autosadist · 2 months

Text

wish i could tell people my brother died without having to dial it back to "oh not biological, his family just raised me" and lose all the sympathy they put into acknowledging the power of biological connection* vs lack of one

#his family said i was a sister to him and involved me in a lot of events after he died and it impacted me in a way i will never recover from #but i still dont feel taken seriously by people when i talk about it #like 'just get over your childhood friend' type vibes #* i obviously dont think being biologically related to someone means you will be closer efc #my grandparents died and were largely absent and i felt 1% of 1% of what losing him made me feel #idk #also sympathy may not be the right word here its hard to figure out how to phrase this lol

29 notes · View notes

gentil-minou · 8 months

Text

sharing my wangxian phlebotomist!wwx/blood donor!lwj au from twitter here (a summary here if you wanna see)

The hardest part of the adoption process was supposed to be endless paperwork and screenings and the anxiety of not being good enough to meet high standards of the court.

It wasn't supposed to be A-Yuan's first doctors appointment.

His pitiful screams fill the small doctor's office. He's clinging to Lan Wangji's shoulders like there a lifeline, hiding and all LWJ wants to do is bundle up his son and carry him back to safety.

But these are mandatory vaccines he needs in order to attend pre-k. So he cant.

Nurse: Shots are never fun at this age, huh He would beg to differ; they're never fun at any age But see lwj isnt afraid of the shots themselves. Hes terrified of the sight of blood. His BFF loves horror movies & he watches them with her bravely by staring at the corner of the tv

When lwj gets his blood drawn, he looks closes his eyes and imagines being in a cold pond somewhere. But he's never been afraid of just the shot before.

He's helpless in the face of his son's distress. The nurse sighs, saying theyll have to try again another day.

A-Yuan sniffles into his baba's shirt, exhausted from the crying fit. His eyes are still watery and he looks around the room with such fear in his eyes, before withdrawing back into the safety of his baba's chest.

Lan Wangji has no idea what to do, only cradles him closer

Thankfully, LWJ has someone who can help. His best friend, Jiang Yanli is a child therapist and has been helping him prepare his home for A-Yuan.

If anyone knows what to do, it's Yanli-jie

JYL: Zhanzhan, have you tried showing him its not scary?

LWJ has not, bc he's terrified

JYL is the only one allowed to call him Zhanzhan. In Uni she was the one who mentored him his first week of school. Someone slipped him alcohol and he got deliriously drunk.

Yanli-jie was the one who found him and took him home. This is what they told the cohort but actually…

JYL: seeing his Baba get a shot and be okay might motivate him to be more brave

LWJ certainly doesn't feel brave. He's thinking of the blood flowing from his veins and then LEAVING them to go who knows where. It sounds barbaric

He has the distinct memory of learning what a period is in middle school and promptly passing out

He is not a fan of anything related to blood

But LWJ has learned that Yanli-jie knows what she's doing, so, despite the way he can swear he feels his blood pumping with fear, he agrees...but there's a problem.

LWJ: I am up to date on all my shots. How can I show him it is safe?

JYL: Hmm....I have an idea. My brother is a phlebotomist! He can help.

LWJ is confused. Last he heard, the younger Jiang is a prosecutor who makes a living viciously yelling in a courtroom.

JYL: Not him, Zhanzhan. My adoptive brother, A-Xian. I bet he would be happy to help you. He works at the blood bank at Yiling Clinic! The perfect exposure!

For who?, LWJ wonders. A blood bank sounds like a house of horrors to him. And a person who chooses to stick a needle in people and remove the very force that gives them life? He cannot imagine getting along with this person at all.

Yiling Clinic is a community clinic in a part of town Lan Wangji has never been to, especially since the Gusu Group has their own private hospital.

But this is where Yanli-jie's phlebotomist little brother works.

A-Yuan clings to the back of his legs as they approach the receptionist, a young man with amazing cat eye makeup named Mo Xuanyu

These two definitely do not fit the bill for their usual patients, with their designer clothing, so he asks with some skepticism: Um, can I help you?

LWJ has spent the last two hours siking himself up for the blood part, he isn't prepared at all for social interactions. He flounders like a fish.

LWJ: …I am…We are here for…

A shout comes from behind them: Ah! A-Yu, is that A-jie's friend? Zhanzhan?

LWJ flinches until he sees a man sprinting towards them. The 1st thing he notices is this man is wearing lilac scrubs with little white rabbits on them.

The 2nd thing he notices is this man has the most enchanting smile he's ever seen. Already, LWJ feels more relaxed.

The man winks at him: You like the scrubs? A-jie said A-Yuan liked bunnies, I figured this would help keep him calm.

LWJ does not blurt I like bunnies too. But only just.

Beside the man is a pediatric nurse named Wen Ning, no relation, who says he's here to help with A-Yuan

Yanli-jie's little brother, the phlebotomist, introduces himself: Ah! Sorry, Lan Zhan. Jiejie always calls you that so it just stuck. I'm Wei Wuxian. You can call me Wei Ying if you wanna make it even.

Strangely, LWJ feels no need to correct him: Lan Zhan is fine, Wei Ying.

WWX smiles so brightly, LWJ feels dizzy with it.

WWX: Now where's the little bunny himself?

A-Yuan has been clinging behind LWJ's pant leg, tilting around just enough to peek with one eye at this strange gege.

WWX: Maybe not a rabbit then, a radish who likes to hide away!

A-Yuan becomes offended: I don't like radishes!

WWX laughs: Me neither! But Qing-jie says they help us grow big and strong, so they can't be all that bad huh?

WWX is crouched in front of A-Yuan, draping both arms across his knees and resting his chin in one hand. He waits.

LWJ admires his patience. The longer WWX waits, crouched and rocking back and forth in front of A-Yuan, smile gently and welcoming, the more A-Yuan's natural curiosity gets the better of him.

Eventually, his son comes out from behind his leg to touch a black bunny on his sleeve

A-Yuan: I like this one. We only have a white bunny at home.

WWX: I like the black bunny too! What's your bunny's name?

A-Yuan: Banana, bc she tries to eat Baba's banana every morning, and you are what you eat.

He recites this with all the solemnity a 4 yo could possess

WWX's laughter echoes through the lobby: Well! You're very right, A-Yuan. Maybe you aren't a radish after all then. Tell me, what do little boys eat?

A-Yuan: I'm not little! I'm 4 and a half!

WWX: Right, right, I sincerely apologize for my mistake. What do big boys eat then?

A-Yuan purses his lips and taps his chin, pondering his question carefully: Hmm… jelly beans?

WWX looks like he wants to laugh more, but instead says: I see, I see. Thank you for your wisdom A-Yuan.

He looks up at LWJ, dark eyes dancing. LWJ's heart rabbits against his chest

WWX: If your baba is ready, we can head down to my cave if you'd like. I have a lot of cool machines I'd love to show you.

A-Yuan's eyes widen into saucers as he gasps: A cave? Wowww

They grin conspiratorially at each other, before turning bright eyes up at LWJ

LWJ feels warm and much more relaxed inside, so he nods: Mn. We may go.

A-Yuan cheers and holds WWX's hand as the head downstairs.

LWJ trails behind making small talk with WN, watching WWX and A-Yuan swing their hands and skip ahead, feeling something warm blossom in his chest.

The hallway to Wei Wuxian's lab isn't anything like Lan Wangji expects.

The rooms at Gusu are all perfectly pristine and sterile, painted white to promote serenity, rest, and healing.

For one thing, he'd raided a Halloween store at some point and hung up all sorts of decorations, mostly vampire themed. There's one that's says "I vant to suck your blood!" except suck is crossed out and replaced with "donate". Wwx and A-yuan giggle together at wwx's fake accent

It's definitely not up to Gusu General's strict standards. For one thing, there're beanbag chairs in the hall outside. Wwx says it's to feel more comfy while others wait, as he's the only phlebotomist on staff and it can take a while. A-Yuan personally tests each one.

His lab is…adequate if far too small. There's a desk that's overrun with stacks of papers and textbooks and a shelf that's filled with even more. The actual space where blood is drawn is, thankfully, sterile and clean. Though he's decorated with demons demanding blood for food

There's a temp controlled room where the blood is stored, with a red door and the words "Blood Pool" written in menacing barely legible font

Despite the…interesting decor, the room is homely and, surprisingly, welcoming. A-Yuan at least is having a very fun time getting a tour

Wwx patiently answers all of A-Yuan’s questions, even the endless why's, with utmost sincerity, even when his answers are purely nonsense.

Lwj can't stop the fond smile from lifting the corner of his lips. A-Yuan had never warmed up to a medical professional so fast.

He's pulled from his musings when A-Yuan grabs his sleeve: Baba! Blood-gege says this machine makes blood spin around!

Wwx burst out laughing: Blood-gege? I love it!

Lwj is enchanted, head repeating those last 3 words again and again as wwx fondly ruffles A-Yuan's fluffy hair

Wwx: alright, now that you're familiar with my beauty Chenqing (referring to his bloody spinny machine lwj does not want to think about), shall we get down to business?

He says this with his bright dark eyes glittering at LWJ. Right. The blood donating part.

Lwj gulps, nodding. A prisoner walking up to the gallows.

TBC

(If you're interested, I'm probably going to continue at least up to the end of the first part before i just make it into one long fic! You can follow it on my twitter!)

#i tried the threadfic thing on twitter and im finding it hard to get any engagement there and i think this au is cute okay #and i cant write it until a couple weeks from now so im just gonna share it here #call me wwx the way im shameless with my self promotion #hehe #bushy writing #mdzs #wangxian #mdzs fanfiction #mo dao zu shi #if the formatting looks dumb its cause im copying and pasting from shitter djfksh i dont actually write like this i just wanna share this o #anyways someone tell me how twitter fandoms work why are they so hardddd #from what i've seen the writing mdzs fandom is most active on there but i cannot understand how to get recognition there #to be fair i've always been a tumblr girlie and never posted much on my twitter besides retweeting art anyways #but i want validation for my writing T___T #also threadfics are a challenge of themselves and i admire writers who have the patience to deal with them because i am very much losing #mine like what do you do about all the typos and the mistakes and just ahhhhhhhhh #also i think its because im joining in the middle of twitter's mass exodus but idk where else to go #anyways

33 notes · View notes