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magpies4nights · 15 days

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GUYS DONT PRESS P ON THE TITLE SCREEN WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE (Dev log #15)

AT LAST, SUMMER IS HERE!!!!! I am so excited I can finally rest I- oh right. Summer classes. Sigh. Well, they don’t take up the whole day thank god and I don’t need to be there, but It’s still not exciting. Oh well. Maybe I’ll play the sims 4 again and check on how my poor little torture victims are doing/j Jk jk, I don’t torture my sims. Unless you consider naming them things probably EA wouldn't approve of, then yeah I guess I am a horrible person.

But yeah, on the week I released the demo (which by the way, thanks for the 58 views!!!! thas crazy) I was putting up with finals. Some of my classes had to be pushed to the next week, and that was INFURIATING. It was kinda agony because I just wanted everything to be done and over with and I was practically exhausted. Like sleeping at 7 pm exhausted. Yeah......Well, should I even talk about how my life is going? I flunked the review for my major. Thank god, honestly. I mean, I didn't do it on purpose, and I am sad in a way that I flunked it, but I didn't want to continue on the route I was going on. I feel kinda stupid for even trying but I guess it's ok to make mistakes in your early 20's rather than your 30's... for some reason.

Ok, dev time. I decided to take a break from making sprites for a bit. So I worked on a part of the game that I would have left a secret, but I think it’s quite funky hehehe

I like old computers. I would have replicated the windows XP thing because I have so many memories of it, but I'm scared Windows might snipe me or something. I once was lying on the couch my parents turned into a bed (I think I was sick at the time), and it was late at night, and the computer was shutting down (it played this sound: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb2jGy76v0Y) and for some reason the noise absolutely scared the absolute living shit out of me (I think I was like 4-5 years old and I was terrified of bassy sounds). I do not remember ever having any positive relationships with computers before I turned 6 lol. I’m pretty sure I used to think I could live without them. Oh you poor bastard. If you saw me now not only would you not understand a single word I’m saying, you would be incredibly disappointed with how dependent I am on computers. I think once I'm done with that I'll try to fix whatever is going on outside scene, because that's the only scene that causes the game to crash. I'm pretty sure it's because there's too many objects, because when I turned off the animations and the visibility it still took forever to load (like, nearly 2 seconds. The scene takes 4 seconds to load, and normally a scene would take me less than a second to load). soooo, uh yeah, I'm trying to find an occlusion culling equivalent to solve this because that's a 3d game thing, and this is a 2d game lol. I'm thinking of turning off visibility for when they're outside the viewing frustrum (player's line of sight, or more like rectangle) because it cuts down half the time for when the scene loads. If nothing works I guess it's just deleting and re-adding the child back into the scene every time the camera is on them... sigh. If it ticks me off too much I'll probably return to doing sprites because there's still a lot to do lol.

Well.... I so far got no other ideas for references in this game, so I guess I'll put in the inspiration of the outro (which is the Portal outro)

youtube

(not my video)

I know, I know. Cheesy. BUT instead of it being in the antagonist's view, it's the protagonist's view instead. I tried singing for the song, but every time I do I make Jojo Siwa sound like a professional vocalist (I don't even know why she still sings. Didn't she bust one of her vocal chords already? Or is that a rumor? Either way that's already gotta be a sign that you probably shouldn't continue on the route you're on.) I literally had 5 attempts on my computer and they all sound horrible. I'm not going to put them on the internet for my sake and your sake too. So yeah, no vocals. But the lyrics will still be there. They won't have the typing effect though.

I once had a strange dream that I was looking through the itch.io comments and someone kept spamming about how they headcannoned Xandra to be a trans man and were like honestly I don't know how my brain combined those several factors together but I find that funny.

yes its the caseoh meme. no i will not apologize

#gasa4sc #gasa4 #fan character #fan game #scaperat

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propertyoftoru · 1 year

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Tag game: Get to know me!

Thank you @abiaswreck for the tag! :] 🖤

1. Birthday?

8/11 (me and binnie are birthday twins)

2. Favorite color?

I'll say black but i dont really have a favorite!

3. How tall are you?

5’5 (and 3/4 thank you very much)

4. How many pair of shoes to you own?

somewhere around 14 idk i gave up on counting

5. Favorite song?

for skz probably ssick or easy but not skz probably ohio is for lovers by hawthorne heights

6. Favorite movie?

oh probably either the scream movies or unironically the twilight movies (theyre my childhood comfort movies)

7. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone who makes me laugh and takes the time to understand me.

8. Do you want children?

I've said no for a really long time but i think if i met the right person and the circumstances were ideal then maybe.

9. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

Not really other than a few times of being a stupid teenager nothing serious though. Watching my parents screw up a lot when i was young probably had a lot to do with that.

10. What color socks are you wearing?

oh god i hate socks so much. i only wear them when i have to and not a second longer.

11. Favorite type of music?

this is such a cliché but i really do listen to everything. edm, pop, pop punk, metal, sad songs, happy songs, hell on occasion even a tiny bit of country (only carrie underwood lets not get carried away)

12. How many pillows do you sleep with?

2! One horizontal and one vertical. Kinda like a half body pillow i guess? idk i have to be hugging something to fall asleep.

13. What position do you sleep in?

im a diagnosed insomniac so really whatever position my body finally passes out in... there's a lot of tossing and turning most nights.

14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

Bright lights (a tv or any sort of light on an appliance) or dead silence i need a fan or rain or SOMETHING.

15. Have you tried archery?

Yeah actually my grandfather used to take me hunting when i was younger. I never actually killed anything but i got pretty good at hitting cans and targets :]

16. Favorite fruit?

ohhhhh either strawberries or blackberries or pineapple... idk i love fruit so much.

17. Are you a good liar?

I can be when I have to be. I hate lying though it always brings drama and negative energy.

18. What’s your personality type?

INFP-T

19. Innie or outie?

Innie

20. Left or right handed?

Both! but I mostly use my right!

21. Favorite food?

Pineapple pizza (fight me Christopher Bang)

22. Favorite foreign food?

Oh my grandmother makes Jag on special occasions and its one of my favorites. Other than that as of recently ive been eating japchae so much i literally have a craving for it like every other day.

23. Are you clean or messy?

sigh. my room? depression disaster area. Everything else in my life? Severe OCD neat freak (im talking labels, sorted by color and size, the whole nine yards)

24. Most used phrase?

buh. it really has no meaning its just a sound i make about 200 times a day. i also swear like a sailor so if not buh then probably cunt or fuck.

25. How long does it take you to get ready?

Depends on where im going and whos gonna be there. anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 minutes.

26. Do you talk to yourself?

Of course, im the funniest and smartest person i know. (on a real note my hyperactive imagination goes crazy so i spend most days rambling to myself about nonsense.)

27. Do you sing to yourself?

All day everyday like im in a fucking musical or something.

28. Are you a good singer?

Eh. ive been told i am but i think i could be decent if i took lessons.

29. Biggest fear?

Sharks/The ocean (its more a fear of the unknown because what the fuck even lives down there)

30. Are you a gossip?

Absolutely not. I learned my lesson in middle/high school that shit brings nothing but bad vibes and negative energy.

31. Long or short hair?

I wish i could say short because my hair drives me crazy most days but i also hate how i look with short hair so long i suppose.

32. Favorite school subject?

English or Criminal Justice/Forensics

33. Extrovert or introvert?

introvert but situational extrovert (ill be extroverted if theres someone more introverted than me solely because i cannot stand awkward tension) not quite an ambivert but somewhere close to one.

34. What make you nervous?

Groups of super outgoing people. I always get too afraid to talk in fear of ruining the flow of conversation or being talked over.

35. Who was your first crush?

idk probably justin bieber or nick jonas

36. How many piercings do you have?

4. Both of my ears and both of my nipples. i want to get my bellybutton done soon though.

37. How many tattoos do you have?

9 but im hoping to work on my leg sleeve again soon.

38. How fast can you run?

Depends on whos chasing me.

39. What color is your hair?

Brown right now. It was half black half blonde but i wanted to focus on getting my hair healthy for a while.

40. What color are your eyes?

Blue/Green/Gray depends on who you ask and the lighting in the room.

41. What makes you angry?

Not much im a pretty calm person but when im playing video games thats a different story.

42. Do you like your name?

No. My father chose it and i dont speak to him.

43. Do you want a boy to girl as a child?

IF i had a kid i would want a boy 100%. As someone whos mother had 3 babies when i was 16/17/18 i can confidently say little girls are the spawns of the devil and little boys are rays of sunshine.

44. What are your strengths?

Mental fortitude and my empathy for others.

45. What are your weaknesses?

I give second (and third and fourth) chances to people that do not deserve it.

46. What’s the color of your bedspread?

Light gray but i keep lots and lots of blankets around too.

47. What’s the color of your room?

Gray and dark blue.

Tagging for fun! Ignore if you don’t want it do it! Or ignore if you don’t feel comfortable!: @bbyquokka @lino-ppang @alphadisaster @aspenwritesstuff +anyone that wants to do this.

#pls ignore if you dont wanna do this #i hate tagging people because i dont wanna be annoying but i love being tagged in things #ashlee.talks

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r00m-w1th-n0-d00r · 2 years

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Hey guys, quick little work related, anti-capitalist rant below ♡

I FUCKING HATE MY JOB. I hate being alive in this fucking country, I hate having to work a blue collar hard manual labor job at age 18 just to be able to fucking survive. I work in below freezing temperatures for 8+ hours a day to make 14.50$ an hr. I was offered a promotion where I'd work inside more, BUT MY BOSS TURNED IT DOWN FOR ME BECAUSE "you work so much better in the warehouse" and "are you sure you have the social skills to handle that job? I know you dont do well under pressure." I ALSO DONT DO WELL THROWING MY BACK OUT IN 18°F WEATHER EITHER BRO BUT OKAY!!!!! My mom told me she wouldn't work my job for any type of pay, yet when I agreed and said I wanted to find a different job she said IT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA. I am in constant physical pain, and sure maybe I'm being a baby about it because my coworkers dont complain but I'm also a small person with no body heat or fucking muscle who was raised in the heat of California WHERE IT DIDN'T GET COLD ENOUGH TO SNOW. I start every day crying. I come home from work, and maybe I get 4 or 5 hours of down time before I inevitably end up only wanting/being able to lay in bed until I pass out, just to get up at 3am the next day and do everything over again. All this work just to still live pay check to pay check. I cant drive, nobody will teach me and I cant afford a car so I have to find people willing to get up as early as I do to drive me. I cant even find the time to go get a proper ID. I hate it. I hate my job, i hate being a slave to capitalism just so me and my family can survive, I hate freezing in the winters to the point that my hands and feet dont stop hurting even after warming up, and getting heat exhaustion in the summers because its 102°F out but I'm not allowed to stop working for longer then 5 minutes until my 30 MINUTE LUNCH. Why do I wanna kill myself? THIS IS A BIG REASON WHY. "Just quit" IVE TRIED YET EVERYONE IN MY LIFE GASLIGHTS ME INTO STAYING. My fucking step dad doesnt even have a job and my mom works half time for 2 days a week at a shitty job that pays 10.25$ an hr. I have 4 youngers siblings who are all under working age. MY FAMILY DEPENDS ON ME AND I JUST GOT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL. I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE BUT IF I DONT, WHO WILL?

#i hate my job #anti capitalism #su1c1dal

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johndonneswife · 2 years

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I love your pictures!! Keep doing your thing ❤️ I have never gone to a National Park but I think I want to start. Is it very costly to do a trip? I miss you as a Louie but I’m happy to know you are doing well!

thank you 🥹💗 & dont worry im still very much a louie but im taking a fandom break until the new album is out. i’m still here…but i have a ton of stuff going on in my personal life right now and i don’t have the energy to engage with the fandom (or the emotional capacity to care much right now if i’m being honest) but i obviously love louis & i’m still lurking!! i will hopefully have less stuff going on around the time his new album comes out 🤞🏻

you should definitely visit a national park if you can! they’re wonderful. getting outside often has really helped with my mental health - i feel much happier

cost - really depends on the type of trip you want to have. there are tons of variables. i’m generally not concerned about staying at a nice hotel or eating out every day, but when i take my parents out this winter, i know both those things will be important to them

day use vehicle prices for national parks range from ~$20-$30, good for 24 hours. it’s an affordable way to see beautiful places, especially if you are camping or just making a day trip. i have an annual pass for all national parks and federal recreational lands (usa). $80 a year - it’s a great deal for me since i live in an area where there are lots of parks and rec areas. i will usually do weekend trips so i’m not taking time off work, pack and make food when i’m camping (already have gear)…the most expensive thing right now is gas 🫠 because i’ve invested in camping gear and have a park pass i’m only paying for gas and food. it’s nice.

campsites usually have a small fee (~$20/$30 in/around national parks). now that i’m more comfortable camping, i prefer dispersed camping (camping on public land vs in designated campsites) which is often free. usually farther away from the parks, no bathrooms, no water available…but fewer (if any) people around & you can stay at more beautiful places this way. camping in a campground inside a park has great benefits too tho. just reserve a spot online (recreation.gov) waaaay in advance

tl;dr national parks are generally a less expensive way to see some gorgeous places across the country, it just depends on what you are looking to get out of your trip & im sorry i subjected you to this rant.

#🤠🤠🤠#anyway you should do it and i’m here to answer your questions 💗#anonymous #inbox

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decaysol · 19 days

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You can't have a right view on life if you're dehydrated and hungry and not well slept.

I'm almost 30 and still struggling w this BS bc I never really cared about my own life since I was a teen

3 years of depression from lifelong social anxiety and delusions and I barely want to live again now, and now w some more friends and being more relaxed from spirituality knowldege and giving subzero shits, it's been cooler to see everyone also struggling like shit in a realistic way over survival and things and it's just like any other people and just like myself and just like expected, rolling with things that come up, depending on everyone else, neverending tasks. It's not as bleak as it seems and survival can be invigorating amidst some boredom. I really think it would be worse worse in a way that threatened death and it does sometimes but not like I imagined.

Anyways. I tend to struggle with thinking straight in a daytime, worrying about perspectives and the future and values etc and not doing anything else, and it got fixed with a huge bowl warm noodle soup. I forget there is a life and hope until I do have my stomach filled, or until the sun goes down. It's wild. Suddenly I remember I dont have to be tense or care about that much and life is as random and predictable as a plinko machine. There is a version of me that remembers how to live a functional life in society, and then there's my distressed and anxious online addicted personality that leaked to my real life. I've been trying to merge them but it seems I should delete the nonfunctional side instead. Values and opinions and feelings are very important in real life to actually live life. On the internet less so. When I am away from people irl it's imperative that I don't think of anyone else but my own rejuvenation and prep and rest and review. The phone is a creeping cancer in that regard, so much so I dissociated from my needs.

It tried to get a friend to go out w me for ice cream since the other friend I tend to hang out with blocked me lol. He wanted to play board games and showed me his gym progress. Which is kinda hot but I'm keeping my opinions to myself. Also gives me muscle envy but am also keeping that opinion to myself because I feel bad about not working hard at that.

I think of making my business thing again but I also need an office job for my sanity and experience and socialisation. Or do I? How do I want to live and how is the best way? I hope I don't stress myself with life ideals again and only focus on what I can do irl every moment. There's lots of opportunities and experiences to be get.

Anyways today has been a day. I compulsively watched my spiritual guru videos instead of meditating, I had lots of naps to stay sane and had half a dose of 50mg sertraline at midnight. Tomorrow take a walk in the morning, eat well, drink lots and try exercise and work on things again. Take note of energy levels instead of scrolling. Take steps to earn money. I need to start my life marathon again. Incremental improvement tracking.

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psychelis-new · 2 months

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sometimes i dont know how we are expected to enjoy something in this economy or in modern society where people seem to only really care if its about a rich person or someone whos popular or pretty and attractive. for instance if celeb passes away its such a huge deal but if its one of us it doesnt matter so much cause we dont matter or only a few handful of people would miss us compared to a celeb. or that society is so much about what someone does and how much they make from it that i feel soulless like theres so many folk who say do something bc it make u money not bc it make u happy.

im really conflicted nowadays and i dont like the state my country is in, it doesnt care about it citizens but it care more about the royals than anyone else every tome w royal member breaths they get free press but any time someome normal does something it never gets the same reception. as i said i dont think it matters anymore who does or doesnt live a long life bc it only matters what they did as a person or how society is constantly about having a following or likes comments and subscribes or is it the fact that screens are being used everywhere?

honestly i think this is the worst version of society. i dont want to have to chase people only for them to barely give effort in return but thats what i feel like i have to do bc society has its cliques online and offline. i hope this rant makes some sense and thank you v much for letting me rant!

Hello dear :) Well, there's a lot here...

Despite I understand what you mean, it's also about statistics: famous people are known by far more people than "common" (let me use this adjective, even if it's not right) people, so it's obviously natural that more people can be aware of their existence and cry over one of them passing away compared to one person known only by 20-30 people or less: famous people have the chance to "keep in touch" with/be seen by many people at the same time through what they do, cause all they do has a resonance caused by the ability they have to move markets and create capitals as well (mostly because of "common" people being so invested in them, js). For this reasons their lives are under the lenses of the world: not that good in the end, as their privacy is basically non-existant; they're supposed to share everything about them, cause people wants to know everything about them and compare their lives to the ones of those famous people: if they go through lows, "common" people may feel better about themselves, or see famous as more "normal"; in the best case we just can get inspired by famous people (maybe they made a dream come true and so we hope to be able to do the same somehow). It's very tough cause it's not just about love, but they get also hated and envied far more easily and by far more people than "common" people: again it's about statistics.

The thing to keep in mind here imo is: it's not about quantity, but quality. One can be loved by the whole world but it doesn't mean everyone will remember them forever (and also, it depends on how and why they will: it's not always for something positive or good). Focus on you and your own personal relationships, on making them good enough so that even if just one person will care about and remember you, it will be more than enough cause it will be for the right reason. And that's what matters in the end (imo, ofc).

Life these days is easily influenced by fake lives we see online through social medias: all is buildt up so that it can look amazing (think photographs and AI as well). Many people (not just influencers) try to avoid sharing the "bad" part but only focus on the good and so the idea that everything must be perfect to be good and there's no way one can go through lows in life is something that is playing with the mind of many, making them think their lives are just terrible because they cannot make it good or make enough money (what is enough even? Everything costs more and more, so the fear of running out of money may make people fear living in poverty and need to make more money: no matter if they aren't happy as long as they're safe -it's about the root chakra yk-. For example esp. in the Southern area of my country, not having a secure job is unsafe for many elders, they may push their children to work in State's offices even if they don't want to, so that they will be sure they'll get paid all the months). All this is just adding a stress that is totally unnecessary: as you're noticing, not feeling supported in our choices by those in an "authority spot" (be it family or state letting us down more or less figuratively) is not going to help us find happiness or even wealth (what one can consider it made of). And seeing other making it (famous people for instance), may make us envious of them. Resentful even.

I don't think there's someone living the perfect life, we all go through bad stuff, it's just a matter of how we decide to deal with it and how much we share. Many pretend it's not real and try to forget about it by focusing on whatever else, and even on other people (=famous people) but it doesn't work in the end: fake positivity or avoiding negativity never solved any problem. But this is where famous people come in: seeing good/positive posts and being pushed to believe that something good can be (as it will), or even just being comforted by someone we admire can be of help for those going through a bad moment. On the other side, by showing the best side of stuff, some influencers (eg.) may try to convince us to interact with them also to know more about them or to see if their life are really better and how we can be like them... but they mostly do that to gain something. We're still talking about a job (social media in particular, but remember every famous person also generally gains from their appearances and image): followers and interactions of any type with an account, help them reach certain numbers in the algorythm of that specific social media, get viral or become famous/known enough so that they can start collaborations and gain more. And live (they try to make money as well as anyone else: ofc it depends what idea we have of how they make money and how much we know of it). This too has lows ofc, as everything, but we may not always know about them unless the person wants to share about it.

What I mean is: yes society has f-up rules and ideas, it's pretty much corrupted, but it's not famous people the real problem imo. Maybe "common" people just find in them a way to escape their reality (be it for the best or the worst, to send love or hate; maybe they just project, find comfort, avoidance... whatever other need they have unmet), as I was saying. Maybe they just find online (reels/tiktok in particular, fast and entertaining stuff for a life that goes fast and people's decreasing attention span caused by generally feeling low and not being able to keep up with that pace and ending up alone/left out ig) the entertainment they need to unwind and that they cannot find in their lives: they need to look outside, to not think about themselves. I think that until we look at what goes on outside instead of inside (whether it's to find validation or support or whatever else we need and were never given), there's not much that we can change in our lives. I am not demonzing famous people by any means (nor juding "common" people's behaviours): it's part of their job to be there and act as a trigger (at times) for others, but that's not always a pleasant job in the end: what I mean is, maybe we don't have to blame them for what is going on as their lives have pros but also many many cons we need to consider, understand and respect. In their place many people may not be able to deal with the stress and all and give up easily (don't wanna talk about the many famous people giving in to various addictions because of this).

But if you feel like because of society you need to act in a certain way to be accepted and you need to accept crumbs in your relationships, then that's wrong imo. You are free, don't let society cage you into unreasonable rules. You can make your own rules: you may feel alone at first, but you're not going to be forever. There are other people like you. You deserve much more than crumbs and you deserve to at least try to live the life you dream of living. Try to stop for a moment and realize what is this confusion you're experiencing really about. What do you see in the way famous people are treated and what you make it mean of you in comparison (despite I generally don't suggest to compare with others for this but ...yeah)? Do you feel not enough? Do you feel rejected? Underappreciated? Not seen? Idk... Do you really know what you want for yourself and how to get it? If not, start from the basic, see what you really want and need, and work to obtain it. Whatever goes on around you.

Not sure if I said all I wanted to say but I guess I touched the main points at least... Take care<3

#.#asks #life #society

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thepowerisyouth · 3 months

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This started as a simple rant about gift cards but is probably turning into my master post on the lost story of the corporate gift card valuation crisis.

Starts as the simple rant but gets more technical in economics and accounting as it goes on- so fair warning.

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Gift cards are often thought of as a boring, low effort gift, although more polite than cash. Plenty of good reasons why they are a bad gift from a thoughtfulness standpoint, but I'm going to focus on the financial value.

Adult humans that live under capitalism are generally, learnedly able to understand the time value of money, even if they cant physically execute the calculations on paper. If you dont believe me, just trust me-- its how all of economics works. We are generally able to value things very well according to our own subconscious estimations.

This is not to say people who receive a gift card are just focused on the dollar figure, however I think the financial frustration lies with the fact that, inherently a $25 gift card is worth less than $25 cash. Probably a lot less

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As a present, gift cards remind me, actually, of the stereotype of a grandparent buying their descendents, "war bonds", but somehow gift cards are even worse.

Sorry this is going to be a long explanation of why gift cards suck--

A war bond, which is now simply called a US Treasury bill or bond, is a 'redeemable certificate', which allows the current owner to be sure that the dollar amount (face value) shown on the certificate will be granted, plus interest accumulated from the point of issue until the present date, and the note is redeemable early in most common cases, and is redeemable at most banks or financial institutions around the world. Well... they might not now but they are supposed to

Section 1. Bond overviews

These Treasury bonds are just debt that the US government, i.e. the taxpayers, have to pay back to whoever purchased this bond.

Economics is intended to be confusing to understand, an example of this being how they love to make it hard to understand that every time you hear about bonds and interest rates they are talking about gambling with our public taxpayer debt. Calling it "buying bonds" makes it seem more normal investy stuff

Anyway-- so this is debt right? Well like all debt, it requires a good credit score, and collateral. The official term is "backed by the full faith and credit of the United States Government"

In summary of this section using numbers:

If you get a treasury bond that says $100 & 5% annual interest, the Treasury department guarentees you can receive $100 amount in the future (maturity date), as well as $5 per year for your troubles, unless the US government is toast at any point.

If the holder sells the bond prematurely on the 'secondary market'--which is the clever term for the stock market for bonds-- they might get more or less than the "face value" depending on current interest rates, if those current rates differ from the interest rate set on the bond at hand.

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Section 2: Basic Bond Valuation

So using previous example, the face value of $100, and that only comes back from the treasury department on maturity day (up to 30 years away now for long term bonds)

So in the meantime, people "trade" (gamble most of the time) those bonds on the market. Cause why the fuck not?

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Most of the time, in a non inflationary environment, bonds with expiration dates of less than 5 years do not change price much at all in this 'secondary market'.

Why? Well--

In an inflationary environment (only recent examples are 1970s & 2020s) most bonds are decreasing in value, with the lowest interest rate bonds decreasing the most. Every other period has bond prices generally flat (so you still get the 5% interest) or trending up

The economic mechanics behind what lowers bond prices in high interest rate environments is pretty simple-- if I have a 30 year loan the government owes me, with 5% annual interest, and the guy who bought the same 30 year bond back in 2017 only got 2% interest, then I have an inherently more valuable loan or bond.

Going to start circling back to gift cards-- A 0% bond is only worth more than a negative interest bond.

(looking at you japan they were briefly paying banks 0.5% interest to borrow money from the government. As in a -0.5% interest loan)

Okay gift cards time

$25 Gift card = corporate bond of face value $25, with 0% interest, and is only redeemable in person at the companies restaurant with immediate purchase of their product

A gift card is identical then to the boring "war bond" gift, except that:

1) it can only be redeemed at their limited locations in person, and only with immediate purchase of their product or service

2) this certificate does not accrue any interest, which means that from a value standpoint its guarenteed to lose value over time unless interest rates are below 0% like japan had

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Again, most people are very capable of understanding that the value of a 0% corporate bond which cannot be easily sold is worth less than the face value-- much less. Just most people probably dont have the experience in finance to put to words why exactly that situation is so frustrating from a financial standpoint

What a stupid gift, cash is way better.

Especially in an inflationary environment like the 2020s. my god the valuation loss of all the gift cards recently is incalculablely enormous

It would be a very snarky, not nice response to being gifted a gift card if the receiver replies back that the technical market value of this $25 gift card is actually $14.75 due to the current globally high interest rate environment in addition to the company having a BBB Moody's credit rating rather than a perfect AAA

I'm very, very tempted to do a sample valuation of a random hypothetical gift card to reinforce this point, but valuations arent quick and I already know it would take me half the day just researching the numbers to put together for it

----

I had no idea I was going to have this much to say but we're on edit #4 to this post Im gonna keep going:

The inflation of the 2020s has led to the largest (by dollar value and probably other metrics) corporate bond valuation crash of the.. ever

But corporate bonds are mostly held by the upper middle class & higher, as well as other corporations. So of course we hear them crying about their loss of wealth. Easiest example can be found by looking for the annual returns on an ETF which trades only corporate bonds. They got fucked in 2021 and arent back yet

What I'm getting at is that most poor people do not own individual bonds-- its just not really something that makes sense as a poor person.

Back to poor people's wealth--

Someone who has a retirement funds might invest in corporate bonds through that fund. But dont get me started on how complicated those funds investment strategies are to mitigate the risk (but yes they arent good at risk mitigation lose value a lot from dumb preventable mistakes).

And also looking at 5 yr price charts for many retirement funds, the ones with more corporate bond holdings have done way worse than their peers in the retirement fund game who put more money in stocks over that period

Poor people do, however, give each other gift cards... a lot. Weve kind of been told for a long time that its a more appropriate gift than cash. I wonder whod want us to think that. Maybe the corporations who are getting away with selling hard-to-redeem junk bonds as "gift cards"?

Likewise with all corporate bonds lately, the total balance of gift cards issued & held by the general public is larger than it has ever been in prior decades like the 1970s. There was issues with gift cards then, just the total amount was much, much less

Except probably not anymore-- only the face value being reported on their financial statements is that high, as accounting standards do not require companies to regularly value their gift card balances at market value. They are allowed to report it at face value, until it is removed from their balance sheet and resolved as pure income. Not 100% sure the GAAP guidance for it, but I know they dont HAVE to specifically mark down gift cards as they dont have expiration dates. I know that if a company did need to mark down that debt balance for whatever reason, the only way to lower that balance is by calling it "other income".

So poor people have felt a multi-billion dollar loss of wealth from gift card values, which is obviously not ever going to be studied or talked about cause who the fuck cares about poor people

And when that loss does get "realized" from an accountant standpoint-- it would be considered income for the fucking corporations.

Actually reminds me of Starbucks class action about the gift card balance. Lot to dig into there but thats more because of their extra predatory practices around redeeming it

#unique gifts #gifts #stocks #bonds #gift cards #I really hate all the $15 gift cards I have to shitty restaurants that I dont want to eat at #I would much prefer it if I had a collection of $15 treasury bonds #if anyone has trouble understanding bonds #just think of them as gift cards that change in value depending on the health of the company #which is what you would want out of a gift card #because if the company is going tk bad financial health they might go bankrupt and youd never be able to redeem the gift card #gift cards were a good scam companies thought of #corporate bonds #wealth #economics #accounting

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fushigujiro · 3 years

Text

꒰★꒱ TOKYO REV AT THE BEACH!

— ft; everyone + gn! reader

— warnings; cursing & ooc

— note; proofread heavily and fixed

꒰★꒱ — SANDCASTLES!

the second they get to the beach all they could think about was just making the biggest sandcastle out of every sandcastle there was. they wanted to build a human sized sandcastle just to shove it the other kids faces and make them cry. yes that sounds like such a sadist dream but HEY! haven’t you thought of that?

• chifuyu, mikey, sanzu, ryusei, souya, shion

꒰★꒱ — SUNBATHING/ RELAXING

the second they hit the beach? they don’t wanna go in no damn water or play in the sticky sand with the sun burning on their back! they wanna relax under the beach umbrella they brought, chair out and everything. toes free from their confinements, wiggling in the warm air as they take a sip of the COLD and REFRESHING drink to keep themselves from drying up in that hot ass sun

• wakasa, kakuchou, draken, kokonoi, izana, takeomi

꒰★꒱ — SWIMMING!

they think just because when they play GTA at home and they go to the beach in GTA and swimming in the once again said game, GTA, they think they can deadass swim irl….they cannot. they think all you have to do is move your legs and arms and try to not to panic but explain to me why the second they touch the water, they are screaming like banshees but goes DEEPER in the water😭 i don’t know man, but when they do get saved and after they are saved..THEY GO BACK INSIDE.

• baji, nahoya, shinichiro, hakkai, peh, pah, kazutora

꒰★꒱ — THE SAVIORS

these boys are forever saving the others like their lives depend on it. THEY DONT NEED TO REALLY..but to save them time and the embarrassment, they just watch them like they are parents. it’s a pretty fun job for them ngl! just because they get to watch them drown and act like little children, it’s a nice giggle for them..but it’s also funny when the times they don’t pay attention, they see bigger guys then them, carrying the boys to them by their necks, ears or shirts and hearing that they found out they have been eyeing their assumed single women for the entire day…weirdos.

• benkei, south, mucho, draken, mitsuya, kakuchou

꒰★꒱ — THE PERVERTS

like i said previously, these men are sooooo WEIRD. like they go around, sneaking all over the entire radius of the beach to catch woman and when they catch the ones they think are soulmates for them- THEY ARE TAKEN! do you know how many times they have to run away from men that are literally bigger or big like south? too many to count, don’t even ask😭 i mean like i GET IT y’know…many people~ cute girls~ perfect time to try and catch a gyal fren but they way the do it- i won’t bother to explain

• makoto, yamagishi, hakkai, kazutora, souya

꒰★꒱ — THE VOLLEYBALL/SOCCER PLAYER

okay mr. wanting to beat everyone’s ass💀 this man literally doesn’t let them REST. the second he finds a ball, bro literally turns into bachira from bluelock. gets everyone to stands up and play and not even 4 minutes into the game and his team has over 30 points, LIKE WE GET IT YOUR GOOD. he doesn’t make his team OR the other team rest! being in the hot sun can make you tired y’know! but he doesn’t care! wants to show everyone on that beach that day, he’s not the one to be played with and succeeds because when everyone literally dropped to the ground, smoke coming out of their body, he deadass asked anyone around him if they wanted to play and he swore everyone on that beach disappeared.

• ryusei, nahoya, baji, sanzu, rindou, shion, shinichiro, peh

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers headcanons #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo revengers fluff

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mythiccheroacademia · 4 years

Note

Hey!! Could we please get more sugar daddy fics with a black reader ofc 😋 idk if you've done shoto already but that'd be nice or hawks and deku💕

A/N: “wrist on glitter, waist on thinner, imma show you how to bag a eight-figure nigga” 👅💋 I enjoyed this way too much

All characters are 18+

Warnings: it got a lil spicy so imma put the line

Todoroki Shouto:

this mf has money to burn

we all know todoroki came out the womb w cash from his hair to his ass

he’s on some “yes, jeff bezos knows me” type shit so if you’re tryna end up with someone that’s gonna possibly buy you a house, he’s your guy

he slid into your dms after you posted a pic with your skin moisturized and glistening under golden hour and your body had him wanting to run laps

he had been plottin on you for a min but never got the motivation to do something about it until then

he’s a no strings attached type of sugar daddy

todoroki is a big name even outside of hero work and he’s well aware of all the people that have tried to use him. so instead of letting that happen, he’s decided to do things on his own terms

when yall first started talking, he questioned you like this was managerial position at apple 💀

best believe he ran an in-depth background check and made you sign an NDA 💀💀💀

he was a tough one

but you passed w flying colors and y’all settled on an arrangement

you have a weekly allowance that hits your bank account every saturday with some bonuses that he’ll give you depending on how the week goes

todoroki isnt needy nor is he one to be all up in your business

it’s actually weird in an endearing kind of way?

he only wants to have conversations with you

i mean, dont get me wrong, he’s up for anything you are

todoroki would be a liar if he said he never ended some nights with a picture of you and a hand down his pants

but that’s not what he’s mainly looking for

you figure out very quickly that shouto just wants someone to talk to

he’ll randomly hit up your phone and have a 30 min convo about something like the weather or hero politics, and then he’ll dip

next thing you know, you got $1000 in your cashapp

you kind of panicked bc like...wtf?

your dumb ass messaged him: “did you mean to send $1000?”

sis, dont put a question mark where God put a period

him: “Yes.”

and that was the end of that

you dont question anymore

he’s not doting in any kind of way, and sometimes you lowkey think he forgets about you, but you still get your allowance

doesn’t send a lot of gifts unless you explicitly state you want something

he doesnt text back a lot, but he tried to respond when he can

but i do see him liking it when you send him mundane things you do throughout your day, like pics of cookies you baked, or a cool plant you saw at home depot

and he enjoys the times you and him end up just trashing his father for nearly an hour. expect to find flowers, with some expensive ass coats or something at your door the next morning

he really fucks w your laid back vibe

sometimes he forgets you guys arent really supposed to be friends

Takami Kiego (Hawks):

this is not hawks’ first time being a sugar daddy

he’s hot, rich, and one of the most eligible bachelor’s in japan with a life that prevents him from having anything too serious

so, long story short, he’s a veteran at this

he used to be the type to reach out to instagram baddies but he had a couple bad run-ins and decided to stick with the official sites because it was a lot more secure on both ends

the funny thing was, you set up your account a long time ago as a joke. though at one point, you did take it seriously, but you came in contact with a lot of super creepy men that sexualized you for your skin and ethnicity.

you were tired of the “chocolate king/queen” and “amazonian god/dess” comments,so you took a break. you didnt have much activity since

so imagine youre surprise when the #2 hero hit your line talking about some

“Hey~ I’ll get straight to the point. I think you’re beautiful and I’d like to talk with you about an arrangement”

you thought this was a fake account, but after he chatting for a little and sending some pictures, you knew he was the real deal

hawks is your standard tit-for-tat transaction sugar daddy

he’s the type to hit you up at night with a “how ya doing, dove? got any pics for me?”

he’s good about his respect ad won’t do anything out of line

it’s the bare minimum, be he doesnt fetishize you so that’s always nice

however, he does make you call him daddy, sir, etc. whether it’s through text, call, or when y’all get together for...reasons

ngl his dicc game is fire

he might ghost you for a week or so but he’ll always come back with a nice check to make up for it

just be careful about catching feelings bc he’s so fucking smooth. he makes you feel like you’ve got his heart, but dont fall for that shit

if you think you can “change him” or fuflfil whatever wattpad romance fantasy lives in your head, he is not your guy. you better get on w your life before you get your heart broken

he’s here to suck, fuck, send pics, do a little phone call here n there, send some money, and go

if you’re not with all that, you might as well dip

but if you’re cool with that, rest assured, you’re gonna be living your best mf life with this man in your wallet

and good news, you might not be his only, but you are his favorite

there’s just something about you that’s got him giving you a few extra thousand than he normally does

he doesnt take his sugar babies on proper dates bc he’s gotta stay away from media outlets, but he will invite you to his office for a “lunch break”

if you ever surprise him with a cute but sexy hawks cosplay, you won’t have to work for two whole weeks bc you cant walk

overall, he’s a good sugar daddy. defintely good for your pockets and any other non-romantic desires you want fulfilled

Mirodirya Izuku:

the way you two met and came to this arrangement was more or less an accident

the life of the number one pro-hero was lonely and stressful

he’s tried to dip his toes in the water here and there, but it never worked out because not many people could deal with the fact that he’d always put hero work first

he was teetering on the edge of signing up for one of those sugar daddy/baby websites until he met you at some cafe he passed by

it’s cliche really. you were his server and, honestly? he was hooked on day one

he watched you intently as you pranced around in your cute uniform. he couldnt stop admiring your brown skin and eyes and how cute your hair was. you spoke with such enthusiasm and cheerfulness that he couldnt help but swoon. and it didn’t hurt that you were very easy on the eyes

he listened to you as you went on a spiel about how college was a fortune and how you stayed up last night for a project bc you had to pick up extra shifts

that’s when he made his decision

by the time the hero is out of the door, you collected the reciept and almost fainted when you realized he left you a $500 tip and his personal number

“i enjoyed talking to you today and i hope we can continue that...here’s something small to help with your bills. and i hope this isnt too forward but you’re very beautiful. stay safe. deku.”

and what did you do that night?

you called his ass right back

you were nervous as hell bc you still couldnt believe this was real, but after talking on the phone with him for two hours, an arrangement was set

midoriya is the most gentlemen like sugar daddy out there

you wake up to good morning texts and a few hundred in your bank account almost every two days

he goes crazy over your insta posts. and if you wear something green? expect a bonus

takes you out shopping unprovoked

izuku: “are you busy? i saw you were having a rough week and was wondering if you wanted to go to that new outlet mall downtown”

you: 🏃🏾‍♀️💨

you most certainly had homework due that night but what tf you look like missing out on that offer?

it’s after so many “dates” that deku realizes that he prefers hanging around you more than he should but he doesnt wanna ruin anything so he keeps that underwraps

he’s the idiot that goes into this thinking he won’t fall in love

deku defintely has some dirty thoughts about you but he doesnt try to bring it up unless you do first

if you’re comfortable with anything nsfw, you gone see a whole different side to izuku

he’s a giver, giver, giver, but when he recieves, he just about loses it

send him “innocent” pics of yourself matched with a string of filthy texts and he’ll combust

when you send him pics of yourself in deku-themed lingre, he deadass sends you a whole black card with your name on it as a thank you

you guys get very comfortable with each other very quickly

soon enough, DA’s start turning into y/n stayng over for a week

you both realize this relatiosnhip runs a lot deeper than an arrangement when he accidentally let it slip that he told his mom about you

he’s profusely apologizing but you shut him up with a kiss and tell him that you’ve kinda caught feelings yourself

your next conversation works out well for the both of you

#bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #deku x reader #izuku x black!reader #hawks x black!reader #hawks x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #shouto x black!reader #takami keigo #todoroki shouto #midoriya izuku #bnha x poc!reader #bnha x black reader #mha x poc!reader #mha x reader #mha x black reader #bnha x reader

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pcvensies · 4 years

Text

Dating Nico Di Angelo would include...

+18 content labeled. as always, gender neutral reader, and all genders + trans inclusive. enjoy! 💜

it takes him some time to open up at first

i believe you meet when he first appeared, so you got to know little hopeful sweet sunshine nico

even when you’re not in a relationship, when you first meet he’s kinda awkward

it’s not his fault, though, for the longest time, all he had was his sister, human (demi-god, perhaps) interaction is hard

you start to get close because you seem to be the only person to actually take time into asking about his interests

you dont make fun of him for his mythomagic games, you actually put effort into learning and listening to him talk about it

it makes him feel safe

and comfortable

so you let him ramble about it for hours

after bianca’s death, he turns cold and angry

he’s so full of rage, and you don’t blame him

you get his first smile after it happens, when making a reference to the game

he realises you were actually listening the whole time

but then he leaves

you meet again a lot after him and percy find each other again, lets say... after Manhattan?

you and him soon connect again, in his strange, kinda cold way

NOW TO THE RELATIONSHIP

Nico was born in the 30’s, and even if he’s lived a lot in the present day, i like to believe when related to dating he keeps some of the manners of back then

he’s so respectful of you

asks before even holding your hand the first time

your first date is so cute, he takes you stargazing but stares at you the whole time

he’d always lend you his jacket if you were cold

such a chivalrous king

his hands are always cold, so when he hugs you, he wraps his arms around you BUT under your jacket / sweatshirt

he also likes hugging you from behind and putting his hands in your pockets

LOTS of cheek kisses

soft ones when you wake up in the morning next to him

fast ones when he sees you around but you’re both busy

lots of little and fast ones when he’s trying to make you laugh

“nico stop! it tickles!” “no way i’m stopping when you laugh like that”

he smells like burntwood and rain

he loves cuddling but won’t admit it

he’d hold you close, his head laying on your chest as you run your fingers through his hair, or your hands up and down his back

but he’d also be the big spoon, wrapping his arms around your stomach, the tip of his nose caressing your nape

he’s so good at braiding hair (again, as he only had bianca)

so if you have long hair, he braids it when he’s nervous or anxious about something

he’d sit you on his lap and start at it

if you have short hair, he loves caressing it, massaging your scalp

its v relaxing for the both of you

JAWLINE KISSES ARE HIS PERDITION

you’d just give him the littlest one and he’s already purring

“hm...” “yes?” “that’s nice, amore...”

amore, vita mia, bella/bello, cara/caro, estrella mia... you name it. italian petnames all the way

he also uses english ones

he switches between them depending on the mood

but in bed, it’s always italian ones

he can’t focus so they slip

TALKING ABOUT BED ... +18 until it says so!!!!!

i want to say he’s a bottom, but i also think he’s a top ???

so he’d switch depending on yall’s mood

he PURRS and GROANS so much

you’d expect him to be quiet and non vocal but NO!

(won’t say you’re a girl cause not all girls have vaginas, not all people with vaginas are girls, and the same with boys and penises, so)

if you have a vagina, he LOVES when you ride him

he loves being able to look at your face, and to see you in power

if you have a penis, he’d either give or receive depending on what you prefered, cause he really doesn’t care as long as you’re happy

he enjoys both ;)

he doesn’t have much sex experience so if you wanted to try new things in bed he’d be kinda worried that he’d do it wrong

after practice he really proves to be a fast learner

he loves when you give him hickeys

he’s so pale and they are very noticeable

not big ones, tho, just a little mark every now and then

he looks in the mirror the next morning and sees it, and it fills him with pride to know he has you, and you have him

not +18 anymore!

aftercare is so sweet

he’s very gentle, he’d help you clean up and offer to get you dressed again if you wanted to

he’d also brush your hair after it

nico would hug you so tightly to his chest, pressing little kisses to your head and forehead

“i’m so lucky to have you, cara/o... i love you so much”

he’d sing you italian lullabies to sleep, whispering in your ear until you fell asleep

he’d make sure you’re well covered by the blankets and resting nicely before falling asleep himself

i’d say he makes breakfast the morning after but he’s a nocturnal boy so i think you’d wake up before he does

but yeah he’s baby

i love him and miss him sm

#nico di angelo x reader #nico di angelo #nico di angelo one shot #nico di angelo imagine #percy jackson #pjo #percy jackson imagine #percy jackson x reader #leo valdez one shot #leo valdez #thalia grace x reader #annabeth chase x reader #jason grace x reader

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technoblade-simp16 · 2 years

Text

This is a story I made for a writing event by dreamwvrld, my prompt is fallen angel/devil au with c!technoblade. Dont forget to check out @dreamwvrld and all the others that are participating in this event (check the tags to see the event and the writers participating in it)

Word count: 3000+

It has been many year's since you've fallen, not quite sure exactly how many though. You've grown to accept being condemned even though you did nothing wrong, you actually prefer living down on earth rather than heaven seeing as how it changed from the supposed holy place it once was to becoming a place governed by unjust and unfair 'saint's' now being only a shell of what it was before. Though you've roamed the earth for quite sometime you never really interacted with mortals much, the first and only person you actually talked to eversince you fell from grace was a demon named badboyhalo. It seemed that you two had something in common as he was kicked out of hell because of how nice he was, ever since your first encounter with him you started meeting with him more and he became your first friend. As time passed by he started worrying that you were too lonely seeing as he was the only person who you befriended.

"you need to find more friend's you muffin, so that you wouldn't be so sad and gloomy all the time" hearing this i once again told him for the hundredth time that i was not interested in befriending mortals seeing as they'll just grow old and die one day while me and him are immortal. "Well i think i know someone else that's immortal, maybe you can befriend him" "Oh? And who is this person you've never told me about for some reason?" "Hehehe.... Sorry, i don't really know him well so i never really thought of telling you." I just nod and signal him to continue "well his name is Philza and I'm pretty sure he's an angel of death from the vibe he gives off sometimes"

*An angel of death? From what i remember they're supposed to be like grim reapers but resemble fallen angels just without the halo.* Bad then points in a direction "he lives that way but his house is quite far so it might take awhile, maybe 5-8 hours of flying depending on the weather. Though he's an angel of death he's actually more of the town dad treating nearly every kid he see's as his own so I'm sure you'll get along with him great. He also lives with my other friend he's a piglin named techno he always says technoblade never dies but i don't know if he's actually immortal or not, they live together in a house located in the thundra and it's currently the only house there so you shouldn't have a problem finding it"

"so you want me to spend possibly 8 hours flying just to see a dad and someone who has a catchphrase and might be immortal?" Bad only nods and waits for a response, you want to say no but if you do he's just gonna keep asking you to do it and use his puppy eyes like always, *sigh* "fine, I'll do it. But if anything happens I'm going to kill you when i get back got it?" He hesitantly nods knowing you're not lying about killing him. "So, when will you be leaving?" "Tomorrow since i have nothing better to do and besides, the sooner i befriend them the sooner you'll stop pestering me about making friends" bad only nods and smiles at me, he's happy that I'm actually gonna try and make friends. After about 30 minutes of chatting, mostly him telling me about the people I'll be meeting he gets up "Well i should probably get going, skeppy might destroy our house if I'm gone for too long" i nod and we say our goodbye's and he takes off flying to his and skeppys house, "i should probably start packing some stuff for the journey since it's going to be quite a long one and i should prolly head out early in the morning if i want to be back before midnight"

*Time skip to early next day brought to you by my lazy ass and last two brain cells*

"Ok lets see if i have all my stuff, food? check, weapons? check, spare clothes? check, other stuff that I'm to lazy to count one by one? check, ok i think that's about all the stuff i need i think. Well i should get going now since its gonna be a long flight" with that i leave the house, spread my wings and take flight heading in the direction bad told me. The sun hasn't risen yet since it's only 4 in the morning so hopefully i get there before noon, as I'm flying i think about how i should approach the two when i get there, "maybe i could talk with philza since we're both angels or maybe i could talk to that techno guy since he doesn't like governments from what bad told me and heaven is like a government and i dislike it" i keep thinking about how i should talk to them so much that i don't even notice that im in the thundra already, i only snap back to reality when i feel a snow flake land on my nose and it makes me sneeze a bit "damn how long was i zoned out?" i look at my watch and see that I've already been flying for over 5 hours "I've been flying this long so i should be close to it by now" after about 15 more minutes of flying a house comes into view, it was a single house in the thundra so that might be it. I land carefully as not to make to much noise and head towards the door, i can feel my whole body tense up from all the nervousness since it's been a long time since i interacted with people besides bad and skeppy. I nock on the door a few times and wait patiently for someone to open it i can hear footsteps coming closer and i take a deep breath and exhale trying to calm myself. The door opens and reveals a man with large black wings wearing a green robe and a white and green striped bucket hat, *this guy must be philza from the looks of it.* The man just looks at me and i finally speak up "are you philza by any chance?" "Yes and who might you be?" "My name is y/n, i came here because my friend badboyhalo told me to" "bad? Why would he send you here" "he says that i need to make more friends but i don't really want to be friends with mortals since they'll die eventually so he told me about you and said that you're immortal so it should be fine" he's caught off guard by what i said but goes back to being calm, he tells me to come inside since it cold outside so i do, we both take a seat by the fire place and he starts talking "so, are you immortal too?" "Yeah, im actually an angel, a fallen one to be exact and from what bad told me you're an angel of death yes?" "Yes i am, how did you end up falling if i may ask?" "i got blamed for some stupid crap i didn't do and they ended up banishing me here although I'm a bit pissed for being wrongfully punished i actually prefer living down here rather than heaven" we ended up talking for a while telling more about each other, he also told me about his wife who turns out to be lady death and that she's the reason he's an angel of death, at first i didn't believe it but then he showed me hundreds of pictures of her and i had no choice but to believe it.

After an hour or two of talking i heard the door open, i looked to see who it was and i saw a piglin wearing a red cape and a crown i figured he was technoblade since he matched what bad described me. After he noticed me he just stared at me, he seemed to be wondering why a random stranger was in his house he looked tense but phil told him that i was ok and i was not an enemy. He asked phil who i was anf why was i here and phil told him about me like how i was a fallen angel and that bad told me to go here since he wants me to make more friends, after that he looked at me and gave a questioning look "don't angels suppose to have a halo?" I chuckle a bit and snap my fingers, my halo materialises above my head it was a shiny obsidian black with a glowing gold pattern runing along the middle and some of my feathers also became gold as a simbol of how wasn't an ordinary angel before but a gate keeper angel. He seemed to be mesmerised by gold glow from my halo and wings, makes sends though since he's a piglin and all, phil snaps him out of it when he asks him if i could stay for the night since a storm seemed to be coming in, he nodded and returned to staring at the gold feathers on my wings which just made me laugh since from what bad told me he was supposed to be this though and stoic warrior but here he is, unable to look away from the gold feathers staring at them like a dog who saw a squirrel phil chuckles a bit and leaves, possibly to make some food for us. He snaps back to reality when i start walking to him, he looked a bit tense since he's still not sure about me, i run my hand through one of my wings and stop when i reach a gold feather, i pluck it out and reach out my hand giving it to him "what?" Was all he could say "well you looked like you couldn't look away from my feathers and i know that piglins like gold a lot so i thought i could give you one of my feathers" "why?" "Well cuz if i want to befriend you than i need to make a good impression" he grabs the feather and looks at it for a bit and looks at me "thanks" "you don't talk much do you?" He laughs at this which made me smile since he seems to trust me. time goes by and we just sit by the fire place talking about our selves and our opinions on things, "what are your thoughts on government?" He asked me "well from experience i think their complete shit, using their power to benefit themselves and punishing those who dare oppose them" he gives a small nearly unnoticeable smile but it was enough for me to see, he tells me that both he and phil agree and that they're both actually anarchists, it doesn't surprise me since bad already told me. "What is it like up there, you know, heaven?" I frown a bit hearing this since i don't really like remembering heaven due to it being shit "it's not the holy and pure place you guys down here think it is, atleast not anymore. Heaven is governed by these 'saints' they're like a government, and most if not all of these so called saints abuse their power for their own benefit and punish those who have done nothing wrong, back then every thing was nice a peaceful but nowadays there's even drugs in heaven, now it's merely just a shell, a name for what it once was long long ago" he looked at me and could tell that i didn't want to think about it "I'm sorry for asking about it" "no it's okay, i fell from grace a very long time ago and besides i need to be honest if i wanna make friends atleast that's what bad told me" after that techno told about himself like how he has voices and his head and what they say to him "why are you telling me this?" "Well you told me about stuff that you dont like talking about so i thought i could do the same" "ok then, does this mean I'm your friend now" "more or less yeah" we keep chatting about interesting topics such as fighting, mythology and suprisingly gardening.

*Time skip to when it's night and all should be asleep*

I should be asleep by now but something's keeping me awake, i try to sleep once again but i suddenly hear a noise coming from down stairs. I got up from the bed and quietly leave the spare bedroom and head to the stairs, as i walk down the steps i see that the door was open and there was a figure in the porch. I head to the porch and as i got closer i realised that it was just techno it seemed that he was lost in thought since he still hasnt noticed me so i gently tap his shoulder, he looks at me and gives a tired smile to which i answer with my own "what are you doing here late at night?" "I could ask you the same" "well i heard a noise and came to check but saw it was only you, though it seems something is troubling you" "it's nothing" "that's what people say when they do have something bothering them so tell me, besides I'm your friend now so I'm obligated to help if something is wrong" "did bad tell you that?" "Maybe, but i agree with it" he tells me about his problems, most of them being about the people who're hunting him down and how he's worried about his enemies finding this place and putting phil in danger as well as keeping the voices from hurting anyone that he care's about since they sometimes get to loud to bare with. I feel sad cuz it seems like he has quite a bit on his shoulders and i wanna cheer him up or atleast calm him down, whenever i feel down bad always hugs me and that usually works so why not give it a shot, i wrap my arms around him and hug him tight, he stills not expecting me to do this. He eventually relaxes and returns the hug, it feels like he needed something like this, someone showing that they care about him with actions and not just words. After about a minute or two i let go and see that he's looking better now, "thanks" "no problem, that's what friends are for anyway. Now let's get you to bed since it's still two in the morning and it's too early to be awake" i grab his hand and lead him to his room which felt a bit wierd since this is his house but at the same time it also felt natural in some way and i didn't know why. Once he gets to his bed i turn around to go back to the spare bedroom but stop when i feel a hand grab me by the arm, i turn to see that it was techno "stay, please" i couldn't say no since i knew he just needed someone to be with right now, someone who he feels safe around and it ended up being me. I give him a small smile "fine, though you might need to move a bit if you want both of us to fit in the bed" we both quietly laugh at this and he moves a bit so that i can also fit on his bed. I lay down on the bed beside techno and see that we're both facing each other, i get a bit flustered since his face was really close but manage to say a small goodnight before closing my eyes and turning around, i was starting to think this wasn't a good idea sharing the bed until i feel his arms wrap around me and pull me towards him. I can feel my wings and back touching his chest, his breath touching my neck and a sharp object poking me near a vital body part(his tusks poking the back of your head not that you sinful minds). I can't help but turn into a tomato but i was glad that he couldn't see my face since it was night and i was facing away from him, "thanks again" "n-no problem" was all i could say before shutting my eyes and focusing on falling asleep, after a little while i finally managed to drift away to the land of dreams.

*Time skip to the following morning (this is the last time skip i swear*

I awake to the rays of sunshine poking through the curtains and try to get up only to fail and i realise that techno still has his arms wrapped around me, i turn my head to look at him and see that he was still asleep. I couldn't help myself from smiling when i saw how peaceful he looked, it was so different from how he looked from when he first saw me yesterday, *he looks so peaceful, so calm, so charming* i qiuckly realise what i just said in my mind and try to calm myself the fuck down before i end up waking him up with how loud my heart was beating. After calming down i try to remove his arms only to receive a groan doing so he starts waking up and i try not to panick and muster the will to speak and ask him if he can let go of me now so i can get up but all i get is another groan and him muttering "five more minutes" "techno, i need to get up now we both do, it's already 9 in the morning" he gives one last groan before letting go and getting up. We both get up and leave the room only to be met with phil who gives us a questioning look to which we just shrug in response, the morning goes by without any stange things happening, we eat breakfast and talk more about stuff we have in common. Time passes by and it was time for me to leave we were all sad since it was time for me to leave especially me as well as technoblade it seemed from the look he had, i say my goodbyes to the both of them and turn to technoblade to give him one last hug before i go, this time he hugs back faster and tighter than last time, after the hug a thought came to my head and got me very flustered at the time my mind was yelling at me to either chicken out or do it to which i ended choosing the latter. I use flap my wings so that i get to his level and give him a kiss in the cheek, after that i instantly flew off yelling bye with a tomato face. As i flew o looked back to see techno touching the spot where i had just kissed him and saw a smile coming on his face, this made me relieved since this doesn't mean he disliked me but at the same time it made me even more red since it meant he liked it, liked me. I big smile appeared on my face and i laughed a bit *i guess this wasn't a bad idea after all, though I'm never telling bad about this especially skeppy. I'm definitely going to visit this place again soon though* and with that i had made two more friends and possibly something more, who knows only time can tell what it'll lead to.

Im finally done with this story, i had a hard time thinking of how to write it since i don't really do oneshots but hopefully some people will enjoy reading this. This was my story for dreamwvrld's writing event please go and check out @dreamwvrld and the other writers participating this event if you have the time, that is all.

#dreamwvrld day writing event #technoblade x reader #technoblade x y/n #technoblade x you #techno x reader #techno x y/n #techno x you #mcyt x reader #mcyt x y/n #mcyt x you #mcyt x gender neutral reader #dsmp x reader #dsmp x y/n #dsmp x you #x gender neutral reader

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alegzandryan · 3 years

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Prepping for a Ritual

So since I am doing these things as we speak I thought I would go through some ritual things that I find useful, for anyone that feels overwhelmed or unprepared for ritual work. I know tumblr and tiktok have pushed a lot of easy jar spells on us, but there really is something more to a ritual setting, even a simple one. And as it goes without saying, this is my personal idea of a guide and everyone is entitled to their own opinion and practice.

Get your supplies ready the day before the ritual. ESPECIALLY if you are going outside/somewhere outside your home. Collect all the things you will need and put them together. This will give you a day to remember all the things you forgot before it's time, instead of in the middle of your ritual

Choose what you are going to wear the day before, too. Some people take aesthetic very seriously but others dont. Either way, give some thought to what you are wearing. Is that crystal necklace good for what you are doing? Are those pants comfortable enough to sit for 30 minutes in? Comfortability is just as important as presentation for ritual, so dont wear that corset that hurts you after 15 minutes. You will need to focus on more important things.

Foot wear is also super underrated. Are you hiking 10 minutes into the forest to find a ritual spot? Wear boots. Are you in your house and want to go barefoot? Make absolutely sure you are not going to step on a ritual tool and make yourself bleed, or curse to some gods about the existence of legos in the middle of your ritual

Make some stuff for a cleansing/power bath. I usually assemble ingredients and things day before, then go to bed, and do a quick ritual bath before the actual ritual. Steep a hair rinse or charm a fancy body wash before hand so you dont have to focus on that spell, too.

Do a tarot reading/your preferred divination, before bed the day before you do a ritual. It can be quick or extensive, it doesnt matter. But it can be good to get some guidance before you are gearing up for a spell or ritual, and have some time to think about it before you are minutes away from it.

Prepare food and water, once again especially if you are going outside. Rituals can take a lot out of you depending on what you are doing, and food and drink are very easy and quick ways to help ground yourself if you are shaky or need help coming back to a relaxed state. If you are struggling, boiling pasta or microwaving stuff is the last thing on your mind, or maybe even your ability. So have some fruit snacks or granola bars or cookies or something-- easy to take and easy to eat-- with you. Trust me, this is more important than a lot of people realize. It's a good after-ritual practice and one you should be ready for

Think about your intent and purpose. Set aside some time day-before to do this, maybe 30 min to 1 hr I would say. Maybe make an entry in your BOS if you are the journaling type. This serves 2 functions: one is to charge your intent before the spell. It will give you more oomph and precision in your spell casting, or more prepared behavior if you are speaking to gods. Think about what you want to ask them, what you want them to know, how much respect you should give them, or what they may ask of you. What are you willing to do for them, and what are you not?

The second function is that it gives you time to back out of something. Not all spells are meant to be cast, and especially not if you are in a high emotion before it. Give yourself a day to prepare, an hour to think over, why am I doing this? SHOULD I be doing this even? There is nothing wrong with changing your mind. Doing things impulsively in magic isn't typically beneficial to the caster most of the time. Think through potential consequences, too. How could it back fire? How could it go right but in the wrong way? Is there a better way to get what you want? Can you add a caveat, or a time limit on the spell? Are you using parts of a closed practice and not really thought about it before now?

If you are doing spell work in the out-of-your-house-space-land, even if it is just like, in your appartment parking lot, the park down the street or even your own backyard, make sure someone somewhere knows about it. I know not everyone is out of the broom closet, but even if you just have to tell your friends you are stargazing or something, make sure SOMEONE knows and has a check in time for you. There are creeps and terrible people everywhere, and not to spook anybody, but doing magic can often attract animals or any assortment of beings who want to watch/investigate you. I have been given a heart attack by a baby antelope at dawn before. I have also been given a heart attack by a forest spirit asking wtf I was doing there. I know it doesnt exactly feel witchy to have your cellphone crammed in your waistband, but trust me, better safe than sorry. Be it humans or otherwise, doing magic in the dark in total secret is just not realistic to your safety. Take someone with you and have them wait in the car or around the corner if you can. Once again, make sure someone, somewhere, has a set time to call or come get you in, incase you get kidnapped or fae-napped. Your wellbeing is a much higher priority than any magic spell.

Also familiarize yourself with nearby wildlife. Even if you are in the city, check out what raccoon eyes look like in flashlight, or maybe if your suburb is prone to stray cats or dogs. Check out a rabies registry as well, so you know what kind of risk you are looking at around such animals. Rabid animals are actually more prone to being unafraid of human contact and will readily let a person touch them. Do NOT interact with wild animals. No, they are not a sign or a gift from your god. Most animals are curious about magic in general, but that doesnt make them not wild. Do not interact. If you are in a less populated space, you should also check out what kind of wild life is native to your area and how dangerous they are. Deer will startle themselves into you like getting hit by a BMW and bears and cougars can be active day or night, as well as Bobcats, snakes, or coyotes. Check out your local wildlife center for advice on how to handle what lives in your area

(Last outdoors advice, I promise) also check out what kind of myths and legends existed on the land you are on, ESPECIALLY if you live in north america. Knowing who's land you are on should be important to your practice anyway, and knowing what kind of creatures may be out there may save you some distress later. Indigenous cultures should be respected, and their tales can tell you what's around your area. And I dont care where the hell you live, if you hear whistling in the darkness/forests, it is one of several things coming to get you and none of them are good. Get gone and DONT whistle back. Or at all. No whistling guys. Bad.

For indoor rituals, make sure you wont be disturbed. Much like meditation, rituals are very dependent on focus and intent. Interruptions can mess with your outcome.

More indoor advice, checkout your lighting and ventilation well before you do your ritual. For instance, my altar is in a walk in closet-- there is no way in hell I am burning 4 candles and an incense in that room. I would have to do it in my living room or bedroom where there are windows, or find a way to eliminate the candles. Is the room dark enough to fit your ritual? Is it light enough that you can read your notes? (also make notes/write up a copy of the spell, it helps so much) Make sure you have enough light to see what you are doing properly.

I am a big advocate of "do not over cleanse your life, stop over cleansing" however, if that is something you do a lot of, make sure all your tools and whatnot are cleansed and prepared day before. You can shave a 2hr ritual down to 30 min if you get all of your prep work done day before, which is nice. And it once again gives you time to say "shit I forgot that one thing I need to cleanse" an hour later and still not interrupt your ritual because it is day before.

If you are an of-legal-age type person and doing some drug/alcohol part of your magic, make double sure you have food, water, and a buddy system. You may not need a designated driver if you aren't going out of your house, but you still need a designated sober person to make sure you dont like, astral travel out of your body and get replaced with a pod person, or get hurt trying to cast a circle with a ritual knife while high. Know your limits well before you use them in ritual and, I cannot emphasize this enough, have a friend to keep you under scrutiny incase something goes wrong and you need help.

If you are having the OTHER kind of must-be-of-age type of ritual, be sure your partner is well informed. Maybe have a dress rehearsal so you are both on the same page about mechanics and consent. Speed run through the general timing and motions, and talk about what each of you expect to get out of the ritual. Is it for bonding? Or are you using the energy to try to charge something? Is it for fertility? Are you both good to have ritualized sex (I know that seems like an obvious question, but you would be surprised by how many partners clam up about sexual things to try to not disappoint their partner). If you are a witch and your partner is not, be sure they know what to expect, and that they 100% want to do it even though it's not necessarily their practice and not just to be a people pleaser. If you havent done anything like this before either, tell them that, too. Honestly is 100% required here

And lastly, keep your cool. It's easy to get over excited or over anxious about this kind of thing, but honestly with a little prep time you have a high change of doing awesome. And even if you dont? That's okay too. Everyone makes mistakes, we all learn from those mistakes, and every single experience you acquire will level you up until you are the best at being you. Do what feels right, trust your gut, do some reading, and keep calm and witchy on.

#witchblr #ritual #ritual work #spell #spell work #witch tips #ritual prep #witch advice #chaos witch #eclectic paganism #wicca #diety work #diety ritual #witchcraft #chaos witchcraft #solitary witch #solitary witchcraft

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thoughts-on-bangtan · 3 years

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Can you imagine losing interest in BTS and their music ever? I've seen it's a hot topic on Twitter, how some fans just lost connection and how others put it as "exiting the magic shop". I don't understand. I spent my teens listening to the Beatles, Incubus and now that I'm 30's I still love them. I suppose it could happen but I just dont like it when people say they lost interest bec BTS has already healed them. Like, you can heal and listen to them at the same time right? Your thoughts guys?

First of all, thank you for this ask because this is such an interesting topic.

Secondly, I'm fairly sure this whole thing about "being healed from BTS", as in stopping being ARMY/stanning BTS was started by "ex-ARMYs" (or people cosplaying as such) on either twt or t*kt*k (or both) as a way to feed into the narrative of how you can only possibly like Bangtan while you're "sick" but eventually you get "healed" and move on to other artists, specifically other K-Pop groups. It's also occasionally used by people who stopped "stanning" BTS to make themselves look better in the eyes of kpoppies (or suck up to them) and to get hit twts. A quick twt search showed me a twt where someone spoke about how now that they've "left the Magic Shop" they're able to "love other people" and have found themselves in (Other Group’s fandom name)-land. As in Bangtan healed them so now they can listen to/stan “better” groups.

Do I think there are also genuine people among them who credit BTS for helping them heal before moving on? Probably, but I find the phrasing and way of thinking rather weird and also something that plays into the stereotype that liking a "boy band" is just a phase that you grow out of and then move on to "real music".

Are there people who genuinely "lost" whatever connection they felt or interested they had in BTS? Probably, though sometimes I feel like people misinterpret twts where people talk about leaving ARMY twt/their sns stan accounts as them stopping being a fan which is false. Being a fan of a musician is more than just posting on your stan account, right? There are plenty of people who are ARMY yet don't engage in fandom sns.

Now circling over to your question about if we/I can imagine basically falling out of love with an artist (BTS) and, well, personally I think it depends on certain factors. Just like you in my early teens I used to listen to a band called HIM, a little later to a band called Placebo, and to this day, if someone asks me who my favorite rock band is, I still name both of them without hesitation despite not actively listening to them anymore the way I do with Bangtan, as example. Yet it doesn't change the fact that I still love their music and check out what Placebo are up to from time to time.

I think there are certain bands and artists whose music simply does something for us, this specific something that makes us connect to them in a deeper sense, in one that makes their music and artistry stick with us even far down the line when we might not listen to them daily anymore, might not check their sns every day anymore, or even at all. At this point I'm pretty sure BTS are exactly that for me as well. I can imagine that perhaps one day I might not be as invested (invested in the sense of having a stan account and blogging about them) anymore as I am now, because that's natural, but I doubt I'll ever go as far as saying "I've lost interested" or "been healed from being ARMY" or whatever else some say.

So, when I said it depends on different factors if you'll ever fall out of love/loose interest, what did I mean by that? I think a major deciding factor is why you became ARMY/a fan in the first place and what it is that keeps you interested in them.

More below the cut:

If you became a fan because you’re into shipping and your main focus is your ship and nothing else, honestly, I doubt you’ll stick around all that long. And I say that as a vminnie and namjinist myself. I imagine, if the only thing about Bangtan I would care about would be those two pairings and I would spend all my time hunting for clues and looking at gifs/pictures and discussing them and nothing else, their music only being of interest to me if I could make it about my ship? I’ll be honest, I would probably lose interest in less than a year because you can’t possibly remain invested in two people, their lives, “relationship clues” and ship fights with others for years without basically getting tired of it.

Also when I say just focusing on a ship, I literally mean just the ship aspect, not even the artistry those two people have, like their music etc, but just the bond they have and nothing else. And yes, there definitely are people like this. I’ve seen Xkookers only care about (insert song here) because they thought it was about their ship but once they realized it isn’t, they never brought up the song again, and never spoke about the song itself at all. And I don’t want to just point my finger at them, there are also people who ship other pairings who act this way as well, definitely.

At the end of the day, eventually you’ll have analyzed all there was to be analyzed, discussed every aspect and detail, seen every moment and taken it apart, and will have had every fight you could have, and then...what? There’s only so much “content” and “entertainment” you can get out of someone else’s life and bond and that’ll only be able to keep you interested for so long...and then what?

But if you got interested in Bangtan due to their music first and that is your primary focus while them as people is more of a nice “extra”, that’s “sustainable”, for a lack of better words. They release lots of music every year, have a huge discography along with side/solo projects, their lyrics are so layered and you can find so much in them, immerse yourself in their artistry. Their music can become your companion, basically. There are so many ARMY that have songs and albums that mean the world to them, that helped them heal or love themselves, that they keep coming back to, that engage in discussions about their music, old and new, and who find boundless joy in all of it while also adoring the members themselves.

If you got into them for their personalities while thinking their music is just okay, an all right extra, but you love their bonds and shows like RUN or Bon Voyage, I could imagine that being some kind of middle group but then again, why stan musicians whose music you only find okay? Would you be a fan of an actor whose personality you like but find the movies they are in and their acting ability mediocre/okay?

I’ve been around for a long time and the way I think that’s possible, and why I think I will remain ARMY for years to come as well, is because I genuinely love their music, love spending time listening to it, reading about it, talking to others about it, but also because I adore the members, their personalities and who they are, their bonds, their variety show type content and vlives, and I adore vmin and namjin. While I love talking about vmin/namjin, if I had to just focus on that (as in the ‘ship’ aspect of their bonds) all the time, I’d get exhausted and/or reach a point where everything that could be said would be said, but because I also spend a lot of time with OT7 content and in non-shipper ARMY spaces, with their music, their other content, reading their interviews and everything else, it’s a “sustainable” way to be ARMY. And I’ve seen and spoken to other ARMYs who have been around far longer than me, some even having been around since the very beginning, even before their debut, and that's how they’ve remained ARMY since, because it was this package deal that they fall in love with, the fact that they spend their time engaging in different fandom discussions and activities, instead of hyper focusing on a certain part of it exclusively, like shipping.

Of course, if you fell in love with the package deal in your twenties while in a dark place but then reached your thirties and, with the help of their music (side note: while Namjoon (inspired by Seokjin) told us to use BTS to be happy, don’t put the “responsibility” of healing you/helping you heal solely on an artist, since that’s not fair or healthy, rather if you really need help/assistance/someone to talk to, please reach out to someone, friends or family, or a professional if you can) and other (outside) factors, reached a better place and don’t feel as connected to them anymore as you did before, it’s possible you might “unstan”, but that doesn’t have to mean you’ll move away from their music completely, that you’ll make a clean cut and never look back. Especially if they helped you, chances are they will always remain with you one way or another for a long time. At the same time, I guess it’s only natural that sometimes our interests and tastes change and the band you used to love might just not “do it” anymore for you. It’s human. There are bands I used to love as teen but don’t care about anymore nowadays because their music isn’t my taste anymore, I don’t connect with it the way I used to etc. Does something like that make you a fake fan? No, it just, well, makes you human. Though, like I said, at this point I don’t foresee that happening for me with Bangtan and there are a lot, and I mean a lot, of others who will tell you the same thing. We’re in this Bangtan sh*t for life, purple blooded. Even Namjoon joked about how once you get into Bangtan there is no exit anymore. Or that no jammer joke about how once you JimIN you never JimOut.

Lastly there’s also a whole conversation to be had of what will happen once the members start enlisting, or once the daily content turns into monthly, bi-monthly, every half year and eventually only sporadicly spread out throughout the year, when their music will be all that we’ll get instead of music + additional content like sns posts or RUN. What will happen when that day comes? Shippers and those interested in their personalities will stop “being fed” and eventually their interest will dwindle away. Those who need to constantly be engaged with and fed to remain interested will likely dwindle away and move on to other content/musicians that’ll keep them fed with new things on a regular. And those who are into their music, or the package deal, they’ll likely still be fans, still love their music and come back and be active when new releases come, still occasionally return to content like watching concerts or old RUN episodes, but even they won’t stick around the same way we all do right now. This isn’t to say that when that day comes we’ll find out who “the real fans are”, because the question of what a real fan is, is a whole other discussion to be had, but rather it’ll be a natural, normal part of fandom, of a musicians career, of a human cycle.

Take AC/DC as example, after so many decades they still have fans that show up when they release a new album, but I doubt those fans have active stan accounts and engage in daily fandom stuff the way you do with a constantly active/present artist like BTS etc. And I can imagine that’ll be Bangtan and ARMY much later down the line as well.

To sum it all up, I don’t think there is a black or white answer, merely a gray one.

#BTS #discussion on loving an artist #answered ask #bangtan sonyeondan

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mollydollyjournals · 3 years

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I wrote an intro in October 2020 when I made this page but I'm gonna try to write a more concise one. The old one is here and is specifically about my ED history. But other than that, this is my vent blog, and:

I guess you can call me Molly or Dolly or something like that. I guess pronouns are she/they but you can use whatever pronouns you see me as, it's cool

I'm 30 years old. I'm not very good at it. I'm kinda childlike and basically get babysat when I hang out with people my own age or even younger, but I also learned to build a computer in 1996 and witnessed the golden age of emo (but I was goth/grunge at the time and I hated emo. Sorry MCR)

Unfortunately I'm English

Im biracial/mixed race, 2nd gen immigrant. In the US you'd call me light skin black. You might see me refer to myself as black or mixed race depending on context

I'm autistic and have ADHD. One of those "mild autism" cases which really just means you wont think I'm autistic but you will think I'm weird, meanwhile I'm getting major stress symptoms from trying to function in a way that's not necessarily natural to me. Like living in a country where I understand the language conversationally but I'm not a fluent native. I also forget everything. It's really a talent

I have BPD and extremely bad depression. I've been on Prozac a long time. I struggle with anxiety a lot. I'm very awkward and shy, even among awkward and shy people. If you message me and I dont message back, I probably felt like I'd be bothering you. Even if you think it's obvious it's okay or I'm normal or whatever. I'm very insecure and I try to avoid putting that on people by essentially backing off entirely. That's what this blog is about.

I run on Mars time. I have like a 25hr body clock or something so I will just be awake later and later until I'm nocturnal and then later again until I'm back on daytime. I'm in GMT but at some point in a 4-6wk period I'll match with everyone

Former gifted kid. Got a lot of trauma related to school and formal education. Y'all know what's up

I have an alcohol problem. I always have one vice or another. Going cold turkey never works for me with anything (I also used to SH daily and smoke and I quit both of those so I am familiar with how my mind works to some extent) so I often give myself goals for staying sober a set amount of time so I'm at least not going back to drinking every day. I've been seriously ill due to drinking at least twice

I have other physical health issues like hypothyroidism that put me in that spiral of 'need to do many things to deal with this' but also 'can't even do as much as most people'

Bisexual but inexperienced, gender is what, idk I forgot what else to say

I hate conservatives. Fuck the Tories. Black lives matter. Trans rights are human rights. Sex work is work. Homeless people are people. Gender roles are bullshit. We all grew up with certain ideas but we can all try to learn and do better and these people just aren't trying. So punch a nazi.

Im not monogamous. Hb = (mostly estranged) husband, bf = (sparsely interacted with) boyfriend. They know about each other and all is consensual. Im a shit liar anyway I could never two time. It was all good once, and then the pandemic and other stresses happened.

I'm pretty sure there is approximately one person who fits the above criteria so if you know me irl then...you probably dont wanna be here since this is where I vent about the stuff everyone ignores on my regular social media.

And gdi if it ain't the most ADHD thing ever to say I'm gonna write a shorter intro and then it ends up still being a rambly piece of shit

(Also my posts are usually queued)

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ofmermaidstories · 2 years

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I ttly get you on the the cannibalism thing, it's not really my thing but i also think it's such a cool narrative device for the act of consuming and being consumed, be it by feelings positive or negative or any other thing that significantly takes over our lives! Or just for horror sometimes, it depends on the story really sfdsfs It really would depend on what you'd want to do with it really ill read whatyou dish out, i get not wanting to do something that is completely depressing i don't mind a bad ending if that's what the story needs for whatever reason. I dunno what your threshold would be for that though but if mc gets to do a good "if i go i take you with me you assface" it's depressing but enough for me, or maybe "my sacrifice will help whoever tries to solve this situation after me", like a Rogue One situation. The torture porn that ppl are into most of the time and i don't personally like is stories where the mc has no agency whatsoever during the whole thing and doesn't even get revenge in the end, which i think is kinda the point for people who like it (the extreme power imbalance, submissive helpless mc, etc) i'm just too petty for it like sure i wanna suffer but i want to Win in some way in the end. In any case, when it comes to cannibalism i don't often read it unless it's just part of a story im interested in, atm i only remember one recent example of a short little story i liked about a mermaid, so maybe you'll like it? (https://rotworld.tumblr.com/post/188689800352/day-24-feast) (in case u dont wanna read it because of the thang: a village has a yearly tradition of eating mermaid flesh to increasy longevity, so they keep one around too weak to escape n carve her up evey year in the festival to eat it's flesh until they have to catch another. Mc decides to offer themself to the mermaid to eat so that she has enough strenght to escape. At the end the mermaid tells them that flesh from a mermaid freely given gives some type of immortality too, and gives a pieace of herself to mc and boh escape towards the ocean with a little bit of revenge on the side)

PART II:

(also fair warning: while the mermaid story has a happy ending, almost all of rotworld's stories and drabbles have bad ends besides other disturbing themes, so this one is more of an exception than a rule, just in case anyone's thinking of cheking their stuff out, they put warnings!)

Do you have that one thing that, whether it’s rational or irrational, fills you with both revulsion and anger every time you see it? Because I do. And for me it’s this oil painting: Saturn Devouring His Son.

Francisco José de Goya y Lucientes you are my arch nemesis, and I will meet you in Hell old man.

(‼️📍 cw/tw: cannibalism. it’s cannibalism. if you’ve made it this far it’s quite clearly cannibalism. 📍‼️)

How I feel about that hateful painting is how I feel about cannibalism in general LMAO. In poetry? Amazing, 10/10. As a metaphor? Perfect, incredible, 10/10 of ten? An actual act where one human being devours another? NO. And yet—it literally never stops me from interacting with media that features it??? I read the google preview for Tender is the Flesh which was like, a good 30 pages and was… yeah. Yeah. The only reason I didn’t finish it was because my local library doesn’t have a copy and I didn’t want to spend money buying a book and keeping it my home when the very idea of it threw me into such a turmoil that I couldn’t eat meat for a week LMAO. The only other story that’s had that same power over me was Neil Gaiman’s short story for PETA (“Babycakes”. I read it on the train home years ago and was so upset I had to call someone and be talked off the metaphorical ledge). And yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like??????????? Hannibal is one of my favourite TV shows—I bought the damn series on youtube!!!—and Silence of the Lambs is one of my favourite movies!!!!!! Attack on Titan??? One of my favourite animes precisely because of the horror.

I couldn’t tell you what the difference is. Maybe it’s that Tender was written by a woman who eventually stopped eating meat herself. I used to follow the chef that worked on Hannibal, here on tumblr, and reading her thoughts about like, how to replicate certain cuts of long-pork with real pork (or beef or whatever) was always fascinating. It has never had the same kind of horrified chokehold on me and oh my god i can feel myself spiralling LMAO i hate it here (it’s fine, im fine).

ANYWAYS, the Moonfish idea I threw out in the open was a random one, because to me Dark Content should cover topics that are unsettling, and unsettling for me is the horrific idea that you might come face-to-face with your end and can see it clearly and know—it’s gonna be slow, and it’s gonna be awful. The inescapable horror of both your mortality and pain.

(And also it’s mainly because my other favourite genre to read is Whump, and I really like the idea of taking whatever fave character we have atm and fridging the love of their life LOL i’m sorry, im no better than a man……. murdering the love interest for male motivation 😔🔫 it’s probably never going to happen, it’s just gonna be a horrible little AU that sits in my brain and rots me from the inside out, it’s fine, this is fine)

Idk, Spookies, I agree with you that if you’re gonna read something as heavy as devouring then like, there needs to be some kind of emotional pay off, even if it’s vindication or melancholy. I’d argue that’s especially important in a POV as intimate as second-person!!! You’re right in there in the trenches—if you’re being dragged through the mud boots first then like, you need some kind of satisfaction. I read the rotworld fic you linked—rotworld is a lovely writer, and I felt nothing but dread the entire way through that piece 🥺 Hopefully both of them are happy, out there in the ocean somewhere.

(i think im gonna make a salad tomorrow night… with lots of croutons and absolutely no seafood or meat. i hope your weekend treats you gently, Spookies 🌷✨🍐)

#ofmermaidstories-asks #‼️📍 content warnings at beginning of post 📍‼️#cw.cannibalism #tw.cannibalism #mermaids drown people: dark content #goodnight sleep tight: bed time queue

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