#its gonna be a long journey but at least ive started :)
Text
TW SH
NO. NO NO
MY MOM NOTICED MY NEWER SH SCARS ( THE ONES I DID TODAY AND A FEW DAYS AGO ) AND SHE TOLD ME I WAS GONNA SWITCH SCHOOLS. I DONT WANT TO SWITCH SCHOOLS AGAIN. I LIKE THIS ONE. I HAVE FRIENDS. THERES A DRAMA CLASS. MOST PPL R VERY KIND AND ACCEPTING HERE. ILL NEVER FIND A SCHOOL AS GOOD AS THIS ONE.
I DONT WANNA START AT ZERO AGAIN. ILL MISS OUT ON ALL THE TRADITIONS THE SCHOOL BAND DOES. ALL THE TRADITIONS THE THEATRE DOES. I DONT WANT TO MISS OUT ON THINGS IVE WANTED TO DO FOR SO LONG. ID EVEN QUIT CVTTING.
AND I WILL. IF ITS TO STAY AT THE ONLY SCHOOL IVE EVER ACTUALLY WANTED TO ATTEND, I WILL. FROM NOW ON, NO SESSIONS. NO FEELING THE URGE TO CVT. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS, I WANT TO RECOVER. I WANT TO QUIT SH. I DONT WANT TO START AT ZERO AGAIN. NOT AFTER ONLY TWO YEARS. ILL FIND OTHER STUFF TO COPE. LIKE ST4RVATION. OR SMTH ELSE. IDK AS LONG AS I DONT CVT ILL STAY AT MY SCHOOL.
THIS IS ALL *insert her name*'S FAULT. SHE JUST HAD TO MAKE EVERYONE HATE ME. SHE JUST HAD TO MAKE EVERYONE RUN AWAY FROM ME. SHE JUST HAD TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A MONSTER. JUST BECAUSE SHE COULD. BECAUSE I WAS WEAK.
ILL NO LONGER STAY WEAK. ILL TRY TO RECOVER. BUT DW IM NOT QUITTING TUMBLR, IMMA ALWAYS KEEP Y'ALL UPDATED! <3 ILL VENT HERE, ILL EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED DURING THE DAY, ILL DO ANYTHING I CAN TO PREVENT MYSELF FROM CVTTING, MAYBE EVEN GIVE U SOME MOTIVATION TO STAY AT LEAST A FEW DAYS CLEAN. ILY ALL SM!! TYSM FOR ALL THE SUPPORT DURING THIS WHOLE JOURNEY ^^
IVE MADE MY DECISION, AND I HOPE Y'ALL WILL GET BETTER SOON! ILY ALL SM <3
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
2023 wrapped: cdrama edition!
taking a page from @dangermousie and doing an overview of all the cdramas i watched this year (i'll do one for kdramas later)! listed in order of least favorite to most favorite. favorite =/= objectively best/most well-made. just the ones i had the most fun watching.
15 have a crush on you. oh dear lord. this drama should be a case study for what happens when a bad drama has charismatic actors and they keep you trapped hostage. i watched this whole damn thing hating every minute of it on behalf of the poor female lead who definitely deserved better. the ending? absolutely batshit, and not in a fun way. one of the weirdest, worst endings ive seen since with you
14 back from the brink. too kitschy for me, i didn't last long on this one (i think 2 eps lol).
13 gone with the rain. i wanted to like this one because i love sean sun and troll general is exactly what i want out of life. but i didn't like the weird daydream asides, constant animal noise sound effects, and i found everyone kind of off-putting in a non-watchable way, so i peaced out really quick--ep 4ish
12 here we meet again. i love janice wu. i continue to try out her dramas hoping for something to grab me again. this one was pretty boring/too focused on the work element and not the rest of it.
11 exclusive fairytale. i have a secret weakness for youth-to-working-life dramas, so tried this one out. flat, not a lot of chemistry, and very color-by-numbers. the show was clearly made to vehicle jun, and that's okay, but not my thing
10 the starry love. i wanted to like this one because the side characters were fun and i loved the male lead/prince of heaven and all his awkward "please leave by 9" energy. but it bored me overall and unlike most folks i had no interest in the demon secondary ship. i dropped around ep 10
9 my journey to you. it kills me to rank this one so low because it was my most anticipated cdrama this year, but i just couldn't get into it. the pacing was too slow for me, and i couldn't stand how everyone talked to each other (long. pauses. and then. staring. and then. whispers. always the. whispers). i dropped this around midway
8 the love you give me. the chemistry between the leads was cute and it was a decent modern romance. started losing me around the midpoint when the paternity reveal hit and the ML got way into boundary crossing because of it
7 circle of love. objectively not a good drama. in fact, a toxic and batshit drama that has probably made me a worse person for watching it. but gd did my messy ass enjoy the trainwreck.
6 road home. you really got to be in the mood for this one, but it's a nice, understated and slow melo romance. but def not a bingeable show since it takes its time with everything
5 wonderland of love. another drama that i dont think is objectively great, but two competent schemers/martial artists trying to one-up each other is like ship catnip for me and this was a show that lived or died by its ship. surprisingly tame for the screenwriter, and had a happy ending! popcorn watch.
4 till the end of the moon. me and this drama were in a bad romance, which i suppose is thematically appropriate. i hated parts of it, i was super invested in others. the post-dream human arc was giving wuthering heights tragic obsession incredibleness. even with its flaws, i think most of cdramaland is in agreement that lyx/tantai jin stole the ML competition this year. great gowns, beautiful gowns
3 story of kunning palace. i adored the characters in this drama! even when the plot was losing my interest, everyone was cast so well and had so much charisma that i stayed pretty hooked from ep 10ish on. absolutely loved the mean high school theatre director wreck that was xie wei, as well as the other (imo) true love interest of the show, princess leyang. the desperate speech about being like iron is gonna live rent-free in my head
& then 1&2 are way ahead of the others for me this year/a very close race between them!
2 a journey to love. i love this drama so much!!! i have not skipped or speed watched a single scene which for me is a huge feat! great character work across the board -- even the side characters have a lot of nuance and interesting dynamics between them. beautiful fight scenes. great ost. one of the best, most balanced main couples ive seen in a show. it's gonna break my heart in a few eps when it ends, but i'll be happy about it
1 lost you forever (s1). this drama came out of NOWHERE and the vicegrip it had on me while it was airing!!! my favorite FL this year (although a journey to love's ruyi is a close second), and just a ton of fun while also being quietly devastating in parts. i loved how lived in and tired the FL felt, enjoyed the various flavors of mess from her love interests, and enjoyed how extra it could go while still giving us really grounded and complicated characters. this drama gets extra points for converting me on several actors i did not think that highly of before the show.
overall, despite how many i dropped (lol writing it out made me realize i dropped so, so many), cdramas delivered for me this year! my top two are on my short list for favorite dramas, period. everyone go watch a journey to love and lost you forever if you havent yet!!!
AWARDS
Favorite ship: definitely goes to ruyi and yuanzhou from a journey to love. it's just nice to see a couple that mutually supports each other's murders
Favorite FL: xiaoyao from lost you forever with ruyi from journey to love as a very close runner-up. i am here for this year's theme of competent, jaded ladies trying to reclaim their lives
Favorite ML: objectively, tantai jin from till the end of the moon should win this, but story of kunning palace's xie wei was just so entertainingly grumpy, petty, and unhinged which is a winning combo for me.
Favorite 2FL: princess yang ying from a journey to love. she's doing amazing and im proud of her!!
Favorite 2ML: technically third male lead, but xiang liu from lost you forever was my favorite to watch and had the best tuxedo mask exits
Best Cast: a journey to love, i literally adore all of them, even the ones i hate
Best Blood Cough: tantai jin, you beautiful bastard who needs a bib
42 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hey, I’m bored so I’m gonna send you some owl house questions (unless you tell me to shut up and then I will)
Who’s your favorite character and why is it Hunter /j
How many times have you watched the series
Do you have any controversial opinions/ships? I will not hate on you I promise :D
Who’s your least favorite character(s)
Hopefully you don’t mind questions
hiiii omg sorry AUGH.
1.) not you joking that hunters my favorite character 💀😭😭 /s. nowhere near my favorite character bestie 😭😭😭.
MY FAVORITE character in all seriousness is amity or raine!!! (luz is a close tie with amity bc i was a luz kin first.) but both of their characters mean SO much to me. especially raine's. i wont go ramble heavy but a lot of the reason i love the queer characters in the show are because of the fact that their "queerness" is not made into a character trait. people acknowledge raine as who they are and dont question or think of their identity as a negative. most of the media i found growing up centered around stories about queer people and their journey to realization OF being queer, and not where they already knew. thats one of the most definitive reasons i love toh so much too.
their identities and sexualities arent a "oh theyre the gay character" or "oh thats the nonbinary one" its an extension of themselves beneath other traits. because as a queer person myself theres WAY more that makes me myself than the fact that i identify the way i do. seeing amity develop feelings on screen for luz and then choose for herself on what she wanted. breaking away from her mother and destroying the rhetoric of what was assumed and assigned onto her.
people will talk shit about it and how "amity changed for luz" or blah blah blah. but thats not entirely true. when luz met amity, she saw her as who she was. not a name. not a rich girl. she threatened her stability. the comfort. luz encouraged her in ways that no one had before. about things amity found passion in. especially Azura!! amity changed because she realized she wanted more than what her parents forced onto her. luzs carefree and comfort being WARM and encouraging to do things that SHE ENJOYED. amity changed because she wanted to be more than her parents and be happy and luz just so happened to be the catalyst of that. and raine- as a nonbinary person makes me feel so validated.
2.) uhh surprisingly ive watched s1 like a good 13 or so times??? s2 though ive only watched through fully like once when i first watched it. i did watch individual eps from s2 so its not like i hadnt watched it ONLY once. s3 at least 4 times. s1 is definitely my favorite. even if like the real plot started coming in during s2. the nostalgia of 2020 and the fandom during that time is probably my reason. s1 lumitys energy and lumity as a ship was so simple and yet different.
3.) i think the fandom forgave camila too quickly for what she did to luz. it irks me how they then turned around and "noceda siblings" became a full thing. meanwhile people forget that darius wanted the best for hunter??? "he only had _" shut up. the show was shortened!!! WHO came to hunter during s3? NOT camila. it was darius and ebber! that man is more of a candidate for a parent for hunter than camila. vee and luz as sisters? YES valid. i love that. but hunter does NOT need to be included in literally everything regarding luz. people forget that king literally called himself luzs brother. "your family now" does NOT have to mean a familial tie. there are some friends who are so close like brother and sister BUT THEY ARENT. i cant stand noceda siblings. dadrius is just something that makes sense and i like the parallel potential of it. however speaking i will not get pissy if someone enjoys it, these characters are subjective. as long as you dont tear down others favorites and are respectful i have no issue with differing of beliefs. its just for me personally i wish it wasnt so... forgetful of king and luzs siblinghood.
4.) ive covered hunter before. i don't really like him all that much just due to how fandom treats him. his character in canon is cool though. i like dadrius. its the exception. grimwalker lore still feels very interesting though.
dont mind questions at all dw. sorry for the rambles but i like talking about toh so :D.
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
IMPORTANT UPDATE!!
the comic is cancelled. you probably already assumed that since i havent posted anything about it in a while but yeah the things dead now lol. mainly because i dont care much about omori anymore, the comic sucked, and it was too much effort. i feel kinda bad about leaving you guys in the dark for this long tho, so i thought id go ahead and include all the scrapped stuff for the comic that never got finished
while i was writing the comic i started a google doc that laid out ideas i had for future pages. heres that if you wanna know how the story ends
it was written over several months and (most) things are in order of where they go on the timeline not when i wrote them so it might be a little hard to follow
also some art i never posted
(at least i dont think ive posted the last one)
i quoted not liking this comic as one of the reasons i stopped so let me explain that with a list of things id change about this if i were to remake it (which i wont)
remove the swearing that was so stupid
make omori mute (and probably use sign language)
omori does not express fear or stress in-game, thats sunnys job. quit it
he also does not cry and generally shows emotions (even the big ones) in more subtle ways (which i think i was trying to shift towards later in the doc) idk why he was so emotional all the time
literally everything about how i portrayed omori actually that was all just awful
the panic attack scene is fucking embarrassing i have no clue what i was thinking. im so sorry for writing it like that i did 0 research beforehand
make it shorter why did i think that would work out
id probably just make it a fic, comics take way too much outta me compared to just writing things
it does not need a big epic ending and probably shouldve ended not long after they escaped black space
the romance is horrible but thats the foundation of the comic so idek what id do about that
stop making everyone talk like therapists 24/7
and yeah it has a lot of problems but i still do care about this due to the ammount of effort and love ive put into it, i just cant and dont want to continue it
so yeah thats where this story ends ig. i had a lot of fun along the way, and thank you so much for all the support. bigger thanks to that one sunflower discord server (if you came from there you know which one) for being my main motivation and support throughout this journey. sucks this comic never got to see its full potential but im relieved to finally lay it to rest. the blog will stay up for archival purposes but i will not continue the comic any further obviously. the ask box will remain open if you wanna say anything or if you have a question about the story or whatever. thanks for reading.
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
(art from above is by @/sleepinginmute.)
Hello everyone! I’m Stargazer0001! But you can just call me Star :3
my pronouns are she/they/he/it/astro in no particular order. I like em all so use them interchangeably
I'm your local lil space critter, who has declared themself the CEO of the rainworld ship Stargazer (spearmaster x rivulet x nightcat)
I'm a silly littol spacegender fellar :3 How can I be lesbian and spacegender at the same time you ask? Fuck you thats how!/j Im also asexual so no NSFW please! This blog is meant to be at least a bit more kid friendly, even if there are more mature topics
I am also a furry so if you do not like them then please leave here
I am also questioning if I am a therian and fictionkin. I have done research on both and I am now taking them into consideration. Im not gonna label myself yet because I still might not be, but if anyone has helpful info on them then please do share :)
I have a secret draw box! if you wanna draw for me anonymously, you can go here to do it! I check every couple days.
Ask box: Open
Ship requests: closed. Uhhh i frogor to update this for a while so uh yeagh.
Ask me stuff: Always open unless the ask box is closed
Tell me silly things: Yes I want to talk to people!! Please give me silly asks i need them....
art requests: not open sorry :( artblock is blocking my art so
I wanna make my blog more organized now so I am going to start tagging stuff
#my art Art that is made by me
#Art request anytime my art requests are open I will tag it with this
#ask An ask that I have answered, this also applies to anon asks
#Star.TXT document this is for anytime I am just talking
#vent this if for anytime I just need to talk and vent about stuff
#lil starz art this is for my really old art, such as the ones near the beginning of my Tumblr journey
#Silly chat this is me and my mutuals little chats! Like if they send a lighthearted friend ask I will tag it with silly chat
IF YOU DONT WANNA SEE A CERTAIN TAG THEN FILTER IT
I rarely block people but I still will on occasion. Please don't take any hard feelings if I do block you.
Basic DNI such as NSFW blogs, homophobes, transphobes, fatphobes, racists, antifurries and antitherians, and zionists
Cool moots who you should go check out if you like my blog:
@critter2: My IRL bestie that ive been with for a long time. We've been together through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. The bestie ever :3
@cookieeevee: An amazing friend! The first person to ever really DM me on here and I'd like to say that we've grown to be good friends. We have amazing little chats and she's an amazing person! Their art is also so soft and squishable! Go check em out
@sleepinginmute: one of my first moots! Such an amazing and silly creature. Its art is amazing, and even though im unsure if it considers me a friend, I know that I do. I really do wish the best for it and I hope that it can be truly happy someday
@cumulusbrume: we dont interact very often anymore, but I still find him a great moot to this day
@athofear: I fun lil fello!! Always a fun time interacting with em. Their art is also superrr shaped and silly!! Always a treat to see them on my dash
@meowyncherry: we dont interact much but he gave me the kinitopet brainrot and their art is also super blorbo so :3
@suburbandrifts: once again, we dont interact very often but they seem very cool and silly/pos and their art is incredibly good! mm the colors are coloring/pos
@weeeeblr:!!! The art ever actually!!! Idk how we're mutuals cause hes super cool actually. Great art, and his designs for basically everything is peak/srs
@bananacat76: the bestie does indeed make art!!! And said art is amazing!! Such a cool person and fren :3 their style is also incredibly interesting I need to study it under a microscope/aff
@keeper-of-magic:!!! Cool person alert!!! Their art is amazing and their worldbuiding skills are super awesome!!! I also gotta try and play DND with them sometime.... I have no idea how to but it seems fun, just like them!
@badgerfrost: the silly ever!!! Its art is very well colored and its basically eye candy at this point, and ever time we interact I KNOW its gonna be a goood time
@draagu: ohhhh the silly!!! We dont interact much but shes a super cool moot and idk how we're mutuals like. ??? awesome person with awesome art FOLLOWED ME????? Awesome
@dazzoot: we have interacted a total of like 1 time but cool mutual deserves an honorary tag
GO CHECK ALL OF THESE SILLY PPL OUT!!! THEY'RE AWESOME :333 (if I forgor anyone i am so sorry. Also if you want me to untag you just ask. I dont wanna make anyone uncomfy)
Talking to people spooks me
I have anxiety so please be patient with me, I usually overthink what I am going to say and then end up saying something either really stupid, kinda weird, or I just don't respond.
I am mentally a 5 year old so please inform me if I did something wrong, I usually wont notice or I will think its not an issue. Please be patient with me.
if you sat through all of that, congrats! You get rw gifs now :)
#Intro#rainworld#rainworld downpour#rw shipping#hiii#tag navigation ->#my art#Art request#ask#Star.TXT document#vent#lil starz art
25 notes
·
View notes
Note
Back with another Miko question! I know Miko is a bard but does he like to play for others or does he play mostly for himself? What's his favorite instrument to play, can he play more than one? Do you have a playlist or any certain songs that you could see him playing (or playing a FFXIV version of, e.g. replacing names of places or gods with ones from XIV?)
Okay so this one is a bit complicated for me to answer I think cuz this is kinda a topic about Miko I get a little nervous about lol music is a huge part of his character and I always get a little worried I make this part of him a little dumb. But alas I'm just gonna, as they say, yolo this so enjoy lol
But yes yes yes! Miko loves playing for people! He will play for the sheer entertainment to get people into the music and dance or he'll just play to keep someone company. He doesnt mind and he's usually pretty good on judging the situation and what is appropriate. but he does also play for himself, yes. especially if he is a bit down, but he'll mostly just play cuz he can and its something to do and he likes it. he also hums a lot which might drive some people nuts but at least its pretty lol
His best instrument is his voice, of course xD but no really his favorite is the violin! I see miko being strangely skilled at picking up just about any instrument tbh. all he needs to do is listen and watch someone play it for a moment and he can easily just fall right in and follow along. like the morin khuur from the steppe i just see him having gone big eye zoomies on the people playing those at the time cuz he'd never seen them before and was itching to give them a try lol (tbh im kinda thinking his music skill is probably something he inherited from his azem. that guy was probably coming up with insane songbird concepts and shoving them at hythlodaeus and the poor guy would have to tell him to chill out lol) but miko leans more towards string instruments like the violin, harp, guitar. something about the quickness of the fingers and the violin having a bow tickles him cuz he also wields a bow in battle lol but he's always down to playing anything given the opportunity. but yeah okay this is long winded but if miko has to pick one instrument as his go to its a violin and his voice.
which okay now as for songs im gonna drop some links here and pray they dont break. i do have a playlist for him but its a mess of inspirations and random songs that just make me think of him and i feel kinda weird linking it so im just gonna pick out a few that are big inspirations for him. which first off miko has huge celtic violin/fiddle vibes so if youre ever curious what miko would just play offhand just look up any of that xD
a song that ive always felt is very HIM since the very beginning has been Andrew's Song by End of Silence. i can just always picture him singing something like this for some reason about his journey. it also kinda sounds like a younger miko, perhaps arr time when he's just starting off, which i like lol
next i kinda find lindsey stirling's violin style to be a big inspiration for him especially Between Twilight. this one is especially something he'd play on the violin just to play. not to perform or anything but just the natural miko music, if that makes sense lol
as for when playing other instruments i basically see him being like this and this where he can just basically use the whole instrument to make any kind of song or just play anything with ease. also really love the idea of him being so quick with a lot of them like that xD
now this is where i get a little embarrassed cuz i do actually have a singing voice claim for miko and its that peter hollens guy on youtube. which has the range and very disney prince-esque sound to it. i'll link his version of Sleepsong here for quick reference cuz i do really like that song as like an example of a lullaby his real mom wouldve sang to him when he was little. also speaking of lullabies with mom i like imagining The Song from Song of the Sea as basically what baby miko singing with his mom would be like lol
now as for some songs that i just especially associate with him as a little bonus here i think this version of Into the Unknown would basically be miko's pre-shadowbringers song he'd sing at the exarch if ffxiv was a musical LOL and then for rage miko (because he does have a deep anger in him i mean what wol doesnt? lol) definitely Burn by 2WEI. and lastly, just gonna toss this one out there too, but i really like this version of The Musician as like basically something maybe his Azem and Hydaelyn would sing to him as a prayer i dunno lol
but okay *wheezes* i hope that covers enough lol now im gonna hide in the shadows again >_>;
#omg pls you dont have to listen to all those links i got kinda carried away lol#but ive thought a lot about miko and his music#and just how much its ingrained in his very being#i really hope all those links work tho and the readmore works prays!!#anyway ty again for asking ;3;#miko jinjahl
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
I’m curious about your writing process. Like do make outlines from start to finish, or plan things out as you go. I love how your writing feels so well written and planned out, like everything you write has some sort of payoff. Anyways sorry for rambling😅, have a good day❤️❤️❤️❤️
ooo this is such a great question! my long fics generally tend to be pretty planned out. but ive been learning recently that having less of a plan and just jumping into a story is actually better for my motivation and for plot points happening organically. part of the reason i tend to write competition fics as opposed to other settings is that the structure of total drama allows me to do less planning and rely on what comes up spontaneously because i already have a framework im operating within. so i tend to plan out elimination orders and general arcs for characters.
i would say of my long fics, slippery slopes is the most planned out, amicus curiae is somewhere in the middle, and reprised and the courtney time travel au are the least planned out. i had very specific scenes i wanted to have happen each chapter of slippery slopes and i think part of why it's a strong fic is because a lot was planned out in advance (like, months and months in advance). but there were still moments that surprised me (alejandro and courtney's friendship was never meant to happen) and caused me to deviate from my plan for the better.
i started writing amicus curiae on a whim and i got 40k words in before i realized that the courtnemma relationship would work way better if they actually knew each other before the fic started (originally they met on the show). it was a really good discovery but unfortunately meant i had to rewrite ~20 chapters to fit that which was a pain in the ass but ultimately for the better. amicus curiae was a fic where i was really figuring things out as they went along (i changed who the winners would be 3 times) but i still had a clear idea of the personal journeys i wanted the characters to go through that weren't necessarily reliant on the competition/structure (ask me about this more once im able to talk without spoiling it!!)
the courtney time travel au is a serious experiment in that its very focused on interpersonal relationship and yet almost no eliminations are planned out in advance. everything is very spontaneous despite being a rewrite of the first season both for me and for courtney in the fic. which i think helps it not become too rote! but i also have no idea how things are going to go from point a (the basic straining chapters, which i just finished) to point b (the post finale chapters).
im writing reprised for fun as something low stakes and silly (because i love amicus curiae but its angsty enough that writing it can be emotionally exhausting sometimes) and i have the elimination order decided and very basic arcs/plot points for some of the characters but its open ended enough that i can have fun with it! and it probably wont end being one of my more narratively strong fics but that's okay <3
one of my more recent struggles with amicus curiae has been spending so much time developing the alenoah and courtnemma relationships that i find myself going aaaaa!! how am i gonna get these two together before the fic is over?? its really taught me to have a clear idea of when character dynamics shift, especially for romantic ones that are going to get together sometime throughout the fic. i love pining but i find pining for almost the whole fic and then only having the characters get together and be in a relationship for like two seconds at the end to be somewhat narratively unsatisfying.
so yeah i would say i try to plan out the character & character relationship arcs and i use the structure of competition fics for framework, but i don't plan out many details/specific scenes before i write them unless they pop into my head and then ill write the idea down and come back to it when its time to write the scene. i find that not planning out conversations/interactions can make dialogue much more organic when i write it on the spot and can lead to new discoveries about the characters.
as for payoff, i tend to go for the general rule of chekhov's gun: if there's a gun in the first act, it has to go off in the third act. basically, i try not to introduce any narrative threads if i don't intend to resolve them in some way later on in the fic. for example in slippery slopes, i introduced my version of alejandro's family issues with him alluding to his oldest brother carlos distancing himself from his family, and in the last chapter i have carlos showing up for alejandro and helping him get away from his family as well. pretty much as soon as i started writing alejandro thinking about carlos, i knew carlos would be there for him in the end.
planning things out can be super helpful and i certainly couldn't start writing a long fic without having any kind of plan, but ive found that having suuuper detailed outlines and knowing every little thing that's going to happen in advance is personally stifling for me as a writer and kills my motivation. so im learning to strike a healthy balance.
thank you so much for this ask! i love talking about writing!
#literally anyone can feel free to send me writing questions whenever you want!!#i love talking about writing!!#ask#anon#slippery slopes#amicus curiae#writing advice
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
V1 Themesongs
Alright!! So! This is gonna be a long post with Spotify links and explanations! There's only a few we have songs for. Not in any particular order, and this isn't all of them by any means! Just the ones I have coherent thoughts for right now LMAO
Starting right off the bat: Henry, the man himself. Main Character by Will Wood (https://open.spotify.com/track/54A4aGA5rmDBJqD2yFAgJI?si=91f8b1017b9b4c37) because nevermind main character syndrome, he's literally the main character. Also "Tie me to the train tracks, laugh and snidely twist your mustache" is very much him @ Copperbottom. Plus "Imagine if the protagonist just died in the first scene". Plus "I'm the gap between a tragedy and comedy". LISTEN its just Henry okay
Next up on the list; Riella Copperbottom! Yes, specifically our good ole transfem Copperbottom! We're very conflicted on it tbh but settling on The Fear by The Score (https://open.spotify.com/track/2cppGOIz0cuDnKoGzrDsJQ?si=e27ff803c1d342a4) and Curses by The Crane Wives! (https://open.spotify.com/track/7wjmdC4OL3l1nh9zQwCpv8?si=715bf03deecd406a)!! The Fear outlines her journey from terrified Toppat recruit to overthrowing Terrence and becoming a confident leader, with RHM by her side! Curses is one we just heavily relate to her, with its general vibe just... screaming Her!!! It does remind us of her struggles with herself and how she finds refuge and support in RHM- "Oh won't you stay with me, my darling, when this house don't feel like home?" "Tell me I am good enough"
Now! Good ole Dmitri Petrov! We have a pretty solid one for him- Can You Hear Me Now by The Score! (https://open.spotify.com/track/027qrQMWGsHo13amwdaBkI?si=33729ea39c494f67) Showing growth from a bitter, angry, abused teen to the cold-but-caring old man he is today, with his husband, wife, and sons. It's very much his anger over the years towards the family that hurt him ("Tell me, when you kicked me, did you ever think that I would get up?" "Can you hear me now, so proudly, looking up at what I've become?"), slowly cooling as he heals "Can barely hear a sound, it's faded, all the words you used to say" plus just the lead-off of the song
And ofc we have the one and only Randy Radman! Gotta mix between Everybody Loves Me by OneRepublic (https://open.spotify.com/track/0Q0Vl9fKJF5MDxfVKbD78e?si=9b604567d96e4274) and Could Have Been Me by The Struts (https://open.spotify.com/track/3IyCL4Em1GOpNGDf451Hg1?si=6fc52df1db5c4a03)!! Both fairly self-explanatory for a life of the party who just wants to live in the moment and live thoroughly as themself! This was a hard one though because we have so many songs that we relate to them dsbsdfb
Next up! Burt Curtis! See, we have one for actual story/feelings- Wait For It from the Hamilton soundtrack (https://open.spotify.com/track/7EqpEBPOohgk7NnKvBGFWo?si=01e08cc4f2184c00). Then we have a few for just their fuckin. "Living personification of Tumblr" vibes but I'm choosing Your New Boyfriend by Wilbur Soot (https://open.spotify.com/track/4vLBnQtece15fFhqWxZvJP?si=4bf6720e694e480f) for it. Wait For It embodies his struggles with the legacy he feels he has to uphold as the son of two former leaders- Randy Radman and Sir Wilford IV- while also his hurt of their deaths, the loss of the two people he loved and who loved him. Very mixed vibes here.
Speaking of which! Sir Wilford IV! For some reason we absolutely cannot see Run Like A Rebel by The Score (https://open.spotify.com/track/236TyaLwvucMJUN2BeFkWU?si=589643ec9e224eef) as anyone else. It just screams him, particularly towards the clan! Plus tbh just. I don't know this one is probably the least coherent it just Fits to us
And of course. Jaques Kensington. We have the BIGGEST feelings about them okay. So this is a hard choice. But! Gonna go with Laplace's Angel by Will Wood (https://open.spotify.com/track/1oHbgg5WYa7WOJC8VoBVYi?si=c81d15a0329b4a35) for it's sheer unhinged Disney villain vibes and Chole (Acoustic) by I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME (https://open.spotify.com/track/7DAUTcJYMybdyEC033uT9e?si=8415e6cb05cd492e) for a pretty similar reason. These both feel like a balance between 'eccentric and unhinged' and 'classical and dangerous' if that makes any sense. Plus the line "But with my head up in the clouds, I can see so much ground and from up here you look like ants in a row" plays into the whole dragon thing!
#v1#headcanons#theme songs#yes this is color coded don't mind me#thsc#the henry stickmin collection#Henry Stickmin#Reginald Copperbottom#dmitri johannes petrov#Randy Radman#Burt Curtis#Sir Wilford IV#Jaques Kensington#rambles#fuckin hell efgbrebg
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Often Dystopia (And how its gonna affect my art)
As much as there are some seriously good dystopian fiction. (yes im enamored with sci-fi) personally to me it almost feels tired but i understand the appeal and popularity
But how does this effect my art, and turn TillinGhast Corporate Media
Well first let me explain what TillinGhast Corporate Media is
TGCM was and is me taking what little part of my previous project that never took off and i never made it very far with, Tillinghast
Tillinghast was my outlet for my anger and isolation, and originally began after the death of my grandfather and the falling out of the people i had tried to gather for a band
I had written an ep dealing with my loss and an album that was inspired by election day 2016 and the amount of anger that i felt towards the establishment that i was already growing increasingly tired of
I ended that project after 2-3 years of trying to find vocalists/funds/and start making art
after that died i didnt touch any project and just wrote shitty electronic again, much like everytime i get bored with writing metal, but this time i had much more fun making just beeps and boops with no expectation of vocals and just making basic looping music
So where did TillinGhast Corporate Media come from?
If you notice i did keep the tillinghast name, as i found out when i first started this solo shit, isnt wasnt in use by any active musicians, and i only found one band that hadnt been active in over 8 years
But i wanted something new
something different
So i kinda let my focus on music, the thing i had been doing for over 10 years, go to the side to try and create elsewhere, right at the beginning of 2020
the first thing i thought i would try?
Writing a book
Which as a lot of people on here know, is really really really really really fucking hard to do, especially when you start this shit working a 9 hour overnight shift and writing on days off while everyone else you care about is asleep
And in figuring out what i had wanted to write then, i decided to not go big, but to try and keep me entertained, i needed more than just a few characters
So using a small chunk of info i had written down when i was trying to get into dnd and make my own scifi version of the game, i created a few planets, each with different species and histories and lore and economies
and i made a decision
Each planet would have different stories
to try and keep me entertained
which worked for about a year, and i havent updated since because i have trouble making myself create anything other than music, but i dont wanna get too recent or on a tangent
But why the name TillinGhast Corporate Media?
Well, because it sounds cool as shit. I used to love vaporwave and alternative genres and anything i could find that was "weird"
but also at some point i decided that if i do ever blow up, i want to hire other creatives and actually pay them well, and give them a place to really get out a message for the future
But its just me
So i get to have all the say
at least for now
But why a universe you ask? Why is this so damn long? Get to the point?
well at least for two of those im trying to be verbose and explain myself, and honestly if you read this far i love you and hope that youll stay here on this journey with me
I've always wanted to be part of a group, art creative, touring band, etc.
Ive gotten close only once or twice, but ive always been diy and taught myself shit so i figured i wanted to combine all of my loves into one thing, one giant sandbox where i can be creative in my decisions
And once again, i didnt want it to be just me. So TillinGhast Corporate Media will always be changing and evolving as i learn more about this giant world im having to navigate
I will say there will probably errors or fails, but i want this to be inclusive and open and loving so other people can use this as a means to escape, if even for a little bit, the harsh reality we all face.
Much like i got an escape in music and books as a kid and teenager
So why a universe? because a universe is big and can hold many stories and many perspectives, much like a library can hold many different pieces of knowledge
So to get to the final point, for those of you who actually made it this far based on the title
TillinGhast Corporate Media both as myself and as a future idea or brand
at least for now
Will not ever be a dystopia story
I have not forced myself to change and grow and evolve and continue to sit in my negativity and apathy and just general poopy pants view of the world
To not try with all my might to maybe write something that while not a utopia, is not dystopia and imagines a brighter, better, future where people maybe dont have to worry about as much, because they learned from our awful horrible past and actually refuse to repeat any of it
To try and make this more about characters and stories and music and the things that make myself and others smile, instead of regurgitated dystopias where even basic life is rough
does this mean everything will be all flowers and butterflies and my little pony?
absolutely the fuck not
Truth is often stranger than fiction and anything can happen even in a shiny place, but the point is to not be a negative nancy and have a bunch of shitty stuff going on all the time
One of the planets is a floating colony with what little remains of the human race
One planet is basically in the middle of an uprising of an exiled group
The book im writing (kinda spoilery but idk if ever ill finish this damn thing) literally has an act of terrorism being planned from someone who was radicalized by a really bad group that is basically space religion and its many parallels
All of my short stories are slice of life stuff that happens in a few scenarios where each character reacts to an outside force
But this wont ever be some dragged out for purely entertainment type angsty or edgy or anything like some books do with trauma
i want to look at stuff like we're building to something better, not something worse. optimistic but not utopia or something like that
(honestly this point ive already kinda gotten myself choked up so im gonna wrap it up)
But TillinGhast Corporate Media is basically my idea for a better future
and maybe im wrong and my stuff sucks and i need to change it
i have no idea because no one really follows my shit
so i just do what i want within the dumb boundaries and expectations i place on myself
but it is has been better before and it will get better again, and i am tired of that place being only in my head
so im creating this big huge universe with aliases that i call "artists" so it looks like there is actual musicians in this universe, i at one point started on a medium length animation series, and im trying to use my shitty computer to learn 3d shit
So stick around, at least you'll get some music out of it
and on that note i will mention i do have a few singles and 2 albums out, all of which is on youtube and streaming sites (its on spotify but i fucking hate spotify both as a company and some of the people they sponsor stream on any other site please you'll give more money to your favorite artists)
#tillinghastcorporatemedia#scifi#science fiction#scifiart#sci fi music#aliendancemusic#music#romance#creative writing#writers#writeblr#on writing#iknowtagsaredumb#honestlythoughireallyjustwannamakepeoplesmileifevenforamoment#idothisforfreeandfunsothisisntsponsoredoranything
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
“You tried to kill me three days ago.” ur choice
its gonna be matt and dmitri in the spn au bc ive been thinkin about them lately. enjoy >:)
The wolfboy woke slowly.
Dmitri had been sitting on the opposite bed in that quiet motel room, watching Matt Appel anxiously. Wondering if he just brought the werewolf back here to die. He’d stopped bleeding, at least. Dmitri managed to reset his broken leg so it would heal correctly. All the fur and fangs started to disappear after he’d passed out for the third time in that vet’s office. Dmitri had taken some doggie treats on the way out, just in case.
Mia still hadn’t returned. Dmitri checked his watch. Nearly four in the morning, and several hours since he’d first left Mia up on that mountain. She wouldn’t be back until those hunters were dead — looking out the window, Dmitri could just see the mountaintop from which they’d came from. Black clouds still blocked the moon, and every once in a while he saw a flash of light. Lightning, perhaps. But no thunder ever followed.
Dmitri yanked the curtain closed again, fighting the chill crawling up his back. Don’t think about it, don’t think about that light in her eyes.
When he turned around, Matt was blinking back at him, dazed and confused. “...You?”
Dmitri couldn’t decide if he was relieved or not, but approached the bed nonetheless. “Me.”
“W-where am I?” Matt looked around the motel room, squinting, wincing as even the turn of his neck seemed to cause pain. His clothes were still bloody — what remained of them. They’d already been ripped and soiled by the hunters’ torture of him, and Dmitri’s further tearing to access and clean wounds left the werewolf in quite the state of dishevelment. Dmitri didn’t even know where’d they get new clothes for them, neither he nor Mia had anything that would fit. “What happened?”
Dmitri decided to go with the short version, since Matt didn’t look like he could handle long sentences right now. “We found you in that barn, where the hunters had you chained up,” judging by Matt’s wince, he remembered. “Mia and I cut you down. She stayed behind to… er, finish the job. And I got you to town. Saved your life.”
Matt threw him a disbelieving look. “You tried to kill me three days ago.”
“Yeah, well,” Dmitri rolled his eyes. “That’s before I watched Mia go supernova for you, so let’s just say it was a misunderstanding.”
“Misunderstanding? You tried to eat me!”
“Eat you?” Dmitri wrinkled his nose in disgust. “I’d never eat you, werewolf blood is disgusting.” Dmitri imagined it was one of many defense mechanisms that made werewolves the natural enemies of vampires.
“Oh, so you were just trying to kill me?” Matt shot back, not the least bit mollified. “No biggie, then.”
Dmitri just turned away, scowling at the wall. He was now deeply questioning the decision to tell Mia, to guide her to Matt’s dying body, back in that hunter’s lair. He was already regretting it. Should’ve killed the guy and just be done with it. Pretend he didn’t know what happened if and when Mia discovered the truth. Not have to deal with another rival for her attention ever again.
Was it healthy? Probably not. But Dmitri had dug himself into a hole, and he didn’t know how to get out of it now. He knew how Mia was. Without a soul, she’d never love him back. But at least when it was just the two of them, Dmitri could at least pretend.
Now Matt was back, and Dmitri wasn’t sure how long he’d be staying this time. Maybe it was the excuse Dmitri needed to finally leave this messed-up relationship he had. But the idea terrified him. He’d have to go slinking back to his father — if he survived the journey, that is.
And, deep down, very deep down, Dmitri was worried. Matt was an idiot. A beautiful idiot. He didn’t know Mia like Dmitri did — didn’t know just how bad it was, how unfair, how one-sided. Puppy love. That’s all it was for the werewolf. Dmitri considered himself hardened, a cynic, even before he met Mia, and look at him, a ruin of a dhampyr. Matt? Any sort of prolonged relationship with Mia would absolutely destroy him.
And in the end, Matt was too nice for Dmitri to let that happen.
“It’s nothing personal,” was all Dmitri could say. He heard the huff behind him, derisive and unbelieving. But someday. Someday Matt will understand. He’ll come to appreciate what Dmitri tried to do.
#asks#i answer things#writing prompts#injury#enemies to lovers#charmanderisacutie#my writing#dmitri#matt#supernatual au
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
this year my goal was to read at least 25 books (which now seems too easy) and i decided to start with rick's books cuz i loved pjo
(i then realized i had actually never finished the pjo series - i didnt finish the LAST book... thats crazy)
i went on yt and found a vid that showed the RIGHT way to read all his books so my journey started.
anyway blah blah blah, i wanted to talk about the kane chronicles
obv spoilers if you havent read those and if you care
hell nah. that series was so bad 😭😭 (imo ofc and ill explain why i think so)
i should mention that i read the first and third book, but i only read half of the second book cuz it got very looooooong and boring to me (i just read the wikipedia summary for it)
also the only reason i read these books was cuz i knew there would be a collab between the magicians and demigods and that sounded rly interesting to me!
im usually not that picky when it comes to books/fics/anything so i was surprised i didnt like these books. first of all theyre so long, and for what.. the world ends in 3, 4, 5 days yet each book is 90k words at best and 120k-ish words at worst. it just dragged ooooooon and onnnnn and onnnnnnnnnn. i thought maybe its just the length that im not used to (even tho ive read way longer fics but i thought maybe its not the same..) then i started reading the heroes of olympus series which was a similar length and i sped thru those. which prob means that the kane chronicles were just boring. i was gonna say that it just felt like there were attacks and fights just cuz, but then again, thats kinda similar to percy jackson books. i cant put my finger on why some fights felt kinda useless and filler.. unlike in pj books. also when they beat apophis it felt too easy. there was so much build up to that final battle, and in the end he got destroyed in like half a page or smt.. not satisfying! and since we know the kane siblings are still alive (cuz of the recording being sent etc), it didnt feel like there was anything at stake.
the egyptian mythology was actually pretty interesting, i did like learning about it. however, at times there was just a LOT of info being dumped- so many gods/stories etc that i had a hard time remembering everything. i think w the percy jackson/greek mythology books there was just more time for rick to set the scene and build the world so it didnt feel that overwhelming (even tho it was still a lot, im ngl).
and now my biggest complaint... i thought rick could write powerful female characters butttttttttt maybe that was just annabeth LOL. SADIE WAS SO ANNOYING!!!!!! she was SO unlikeable but i think we werent supposed to dislike her??? yeah shes young but so was percy and annabeth and every demigod from the pjo series and they were much more enjoyable to read about. all she cared about was guys. more specifically, sadie, a 12yo, was head over heels for ANUBIS, a THOUSAND YEAR OLD god, who oh yeah,,, looked like a 16yo guy but idk if its just me, thats still a WEIRD/uncomfy AGE DIFFERENCE 😭shes so lucky that she ended up w basically both guys she had a crush on, but she still made it such a big deal when that happened.
like anubis had stabbed her in the back or smt lmfao. also should mention that in the pjo books for ex., percabeth didnt just happen when they were 12/13... a long time passed so that relationship could feel unrushed and natural.
dont get me wrong, liking a guy etc is all normal and very teenage-y (even tho sadie wasnt even a teenager when all this happened). but making that MOST of her personality, or smt she constantly thought about and prioritized during the END OF THE WORLD. she just seemed very irresponsible and immature (which makes sense cuz shes a child.... maybe i shouldnt be reading these books as an almost 20yo) (but i can still tell when some1 has annoying qualities objectively) (even if its still a kids book)
idk thats just annoying. carter was tryna save the day/world and sadie had other things in her mind. or when she wanted to go hang out w her friends for her bday even tho the world was ending VERY soon and they had to get going. yeah she wants to be a normal kid but rn theres more important things you gotta think about bbg (and yes i do understand that the dance or her bday hang out would help w morale but at least be on the look out for stuff and dont think that youre not still on the job and most likely putting every1 in danger..). save the world first, then enjoy your life. maybe take a cake to go while youre traveling. maybe call your besties and talk to them on the phone for an hour or whatever
carter wasnt perfect, but even his obsession w zia wasnt THAT bad. it felt more normal and smt the reader (or i) could get behind and not dislike him too much for.
(when carter said that i thought he was in my head cuz i was literally thinking that sadie always leaves him to deal w important stuff)
i feel like theres more i had to say but theres too much negativity in this post already LOL im sorry 😭 this trilogy wasnt a 0 or 1 star, it was closer to 2 or maybe even 3. i didnt mind ignoring most of these. the only thing i couldnt ignore was sadie's attitude sometimes and ofc the weird relationship between her and anubis, but when walt showed up etc i had hope and it did get slightly better!
ofc im not a writer and i couldnt prob never write anything half as good as any of rick's books, but this is just my experience as the reader. as i mightve mentioned , rn im reading the heroes of olympus books for the first time and im enjoying them quite a lot!
lmk if you agree or disagree w anything, i usually change my mind somewhat easily so id love to see this series from some1 else's pov
1 note
·
View note
Text
december 11 2022 2:12 pm
i think i got it backwards again. like for a while i was laying around like hmmm how to i attract change cuz i feel happy quite frequently and in general am content but im a bit bored. so i decided to switch up everything, my routine, my habits, my intentions, my affirmations, my mindset and see where that would take me. at the very least i can enjoy the voyage and all the newness. and for a while, i had a blast, lots changed, very interesting times, lots of ups and downs. and ive come back to a place of like stability and contentment, but also boredom again and like a looming concern of stagnancy. like im at a start of a long journey and im making my slow and steady progress but im like antsy. but i know that im at the beginning of something in one part of my life and the end of a cycle in another part of my life. i can feel the the dissonance in my joints and i feel restless. i want to rush to somewhere and get there fast, but i know thats not the right way and frankly i cant speed up the pacing of this voyage. i think i just revealed to myself that i need to exercise to relieve the sensation of wanting to expell energy but needing to redirect it. but thats not what this journal was about. anyways back to the topic of change and happiness, i asked myself again recently if i was happy and i said hmmm not really. im not sad, nothings wrongs but im just kinda going about my business, living life. it felt like i was waiting to be happy, like waiting for something to be happy about, for something outside of my to come along and set off a chain reaction that would bring me the ultimate wish fulfillment. so i went all grind mode, gotta-change-up-my-path-so-i-can-change-up-my-life, and i put my happiness somewhere else, somewhere ahead of me in some distant land. and i left and i lived. and i had a fucking blast lmaooo i put my joy in all those exhilarating moments, in those inconveniences, in that sensation of newness. i had been so anticipating it and finally making it happen and deciding to experience it fully and openly, and then having it all play out in such a fun way, so to have it come to what felt like such an abrupt stop and redirection was kind of jarring. i was still committed to enjoying myself until i could get back to somewhere else but then it continued. and continued. and continued some more. and the longer i spend here (realistically im being v dramstic cuz its mostly been these past few days), the more im wondering when tf im gonna go again lmao. cuz like the people im round rn arent making me happy or bringing me peace. if anything 80% of the time theyre feeding my own anger and discontentment. for a while i didnt notice it but since i noticed it like two days ago, every interaction is becoming an obstacle course as i dodge hooks into aggravating conversations or implicit requests for verbal drama dumps. and it has me thinking,,,, do i even wanna be here around these people!?! i think not! cuz why my day gotta be ruined just cuz urs is? but also at the same time im literally here and i cant escape that reality. so do i wait to be happy again? and i kinda subconsciously determined i would have to wait for another voyage to get my happiness back. but i came across a post a few minutes ago that said something about having “to find happiness in the little things all around you” and that had me pause bc damn yeah my life doesnt have to be bleak “until” anything. theres so many things i enjoy, my own company at the top of the list, theres just no reason my happiness needs to only look like one thing of be associated to one thing. i can find my happiness in this very moment. then it had me remembering the law of attraction and how this is kind of a good hack. if i want to be happy and living in excitement, i need to start doing so now. me being happy and exhilarated attracts. more and more opportunities for it to me, so it can open the doors to the joy im seeking by experiencing it in the now. this us a word salad and idc.
0 notes
Text
[One Who Awaits the Fangs ~Kibagami Genjuro - Haohmaru~]
Here’s a translation for “Kiba wo Matsu Mono”, a short drama track from the Samurai Shodown IV Arrange OST about Genjuro and a prostitute who loves him for no justifiable reason. Oh, Koto, if only you were une grenouille.
Huge, special-ass thanks to Esh1800 over at Reddit for helping me translate some tough sentences and pointing me to a transcription! Woooo!!!
(Genjuro) In my heart... dwells a beast.
Baring its fangs, it howls.
"Kill! Now-- kill!"
Baring its fangs, it cries out. "Kill!"
"Now-- kill!"
To calm it, there is no other way
but to cut down others.
~
(Haohmaru) (drinks) Delicious! That's some good sake!
(Koto) (enters) ...Shall we?
The name is Koto.
(Haohmaru) Koto? Weird name for this sake.
(Koto) Oh, no-- not the sake... It's my name.
(Haohmaru) U-Uh, hmh... What do you want?
(Koto) I'd like to keep you company for the night, Haohmaru-sama.
(Haohmaru) Gh-- No way!
(Koto) Oh?
(Haohmaru) I said no-- I'm tired from a long journey. After I drink and eat, I'm going to sleep!
(Koto) But that's...
(Haohmaru) I'm not the kind of guy who sleeps around with way-too-friendly women. Every other inn was full-- I had no choice but to lodge in the red light district, that's all!
(Koto) Well then, at least some song and dance!
(Haohmaru) I'm not a sophisticated guy, I don't get that kind of stuff! Sorry, okay?
(Koto) My.
(Haohmaru) If the owner is gonna yell at you, then... just hang out around there.
(Koto) What an amusing person... You've got the same scent as that other samurai, but you're really very different from him.
(Haohmaru) "Him"?
(Koto) Ah, right... Well, why don't I tell you a story from long ago? It might be just the thing to stave off your boredom. (Koto starts opening her kimono)
(Haohmaru) (gasps) What the--?! We talked about this, didn't we!? Don't show me your chest!
(Koto) If I don't show you, then I can't begin my story.
(Haohmaru) ...Eh? Wh...What's that? That's a scar from a katana, isn't it! And two at that...!
(Koto) The first... during a famine, long ago. From my mother.
(Haohmaru) 'Tch. One less mouth to feed, huh...
For the sake of your family, was it?
(Koto) Yes. However, ironically... though I was hated and abandoned, I was the only one who survived.
And the second one is... from him-- from Genjuro-sama.
(Haohmaru) ...Genjuro...?
(Koto) Do you know him-- Kibagami Genjuro-sama?
(Haohmaru) ...I know him.
(Koto) Oh, what mystery in your voice! It seems more and more like we must speak about this!
(Haohmaru) ...Mm. Yeah.
(Koto) Genjuro-sama came here... some years ago. He stayed for a fairly long time. As I thought on it later... he must've taken on work to kill someone.
(Koto) Are you awake, Genjuro-sama?
(Genjuro) (waking) Ah, Koto, huh... You're up early.
(Koto) What are you saying? The sun's already high in the sky!
(Genjuro) ...I see. Bring me some sake.
(Koto) It's really not good for you, drinking in the morning--
(Genjuro) Shut up! Don't talk back to me.
(Koto) But... I worry about you--
(Genjuro) Hey. What are you to me? My mother? Or some courtess? You're a woman I paid, that's all. Just shut up and do as I tell you.
(Koto) ...Yes.
(Genjuro) Koto.
(Koto) Yes?
(Genjuro) Don't get ahead of yourself. Just because you have that scar on your chest, it doesn't mean you're my woman... alright?
(Koto) Upon saying that, Genjuro-sama turned his face to the window, and that was all.
But... the katana scar on Genjuro-sama's back was something his mother had given him. Yes. Like the scar I had on my chest.
I felt like... those scars, together they were shining. Was I just being foolish, I wonder?
(Genjuro) In my heart... dwells a beast.
Baring its fangs, it howls.
"Kill! Now-- kill!"
Baring its fangs, it cries out. "Kill!"
"Now-- kill!"
(Genjuro) (walking, then stops) Hey. Show yourselves.
...Nine, ten... Heh. Only this many, huh? I'm being taken too lightly, aren't I...
(Man) What?!
(Genjuro) Some idiot yakuza named Tokuzou or something put you up to this, didn't he?
(Man) You're the idiot. Coming to this town to kill our boss... Heh, you've lost your mind. You'll be in hell soon!
(Genjuro) Heh. Moron.
(Man) (shouts from different men) Arrogant sonovabitch!! What?!
(Genjuro) One! Two! Three! Ino-shika-chou!!
Hmph. Not even worth talking about. Now you know who's the idiot here, don't you.
(Man) (coughs) ...I wouldn't be so quick to talk... Right now... our boss has his hands on your woman...!
(Genjuro) What?
(Man) He took your woman hostage... If you want her to live, toss your sword aside and go meet him!
(Genjuro) (laughs)
(Man) What are you laughing at?!
(Genjuro) You're so profoundly foolish... That woman has no ties with me!
(Man) Huh?
(Genjuro) Die!!
...Lowlife.
(Boss) Wh...What are you doing-- he's just one man!
(Man2) H-He's way too strong! Boss-- hurry, please take that woman and get out of here!
(Boss) Y-You think I could do that?!
(Man2) But-!!
(Genjuro) Hoh... You've got guts, not running away...
(Koto) Genjuro-sama!
(Man2) Why you--!!
(Boss) You bastard...! C...Can you not see this woman right here?!
I'll kill her...! I-I'll... kill her!!
(Genjuro) Ridiculous. Go ahead and try. Do it!
(Boss) S...Stay back... Don't come any closer!
(Genjuro) What's wrong? Aren't you gonna kill her?
(Boss) Stay back!!
(Genjuro) If you won't... then I'll kill her for you!!
(Koto) (rasps) Genjuro-...sama...
(Boss) Y-You bastard... are you insane?! Killing your own woman...
(Genjuro) Hmph. Don't make me laugh. I don't have a single relative. I have no woman in this world.
(Boss) What did you say-?!
(Genjuro) Go repent in the other world... you moron!!
(Haohmaru) So... that's the scar you got-- from then?
(Koto) Yes...
(Haohmaru) Unbelievable... that you'd live after being cut down by that bastard.
(Koto) According to the doctor... the cut perfectly avoided anything vital. It's as if that was his intention...
(Haohmaru) Preposterous.
(Koto) You're...
(Haohmaru) Eh?
(Koto) You're to cross swords with Genjuro-sama, aren't you? With your life on the line...
(Haohmaru) If I said... "yes"?
(Koto) I have one request.
(Haohmaru) I'm not here to listen to you beg for his life.
(Koto) No... that wasn't my intention.
If... Genjuro-sama were to lose... please... bring his head to me.
(Haohmaru) ...His head?
(Koto) I may be the only person in this world who would mourn him.
(Haohmaru) I see...
But... I have no idea when we'll settle the score. Five years from now... or ten years.
(Koto) It matters not. I'll always... be waiting.
1 note
·
View note
Text
90 minutes of effort and I have now officially started learning Blender via Blender Guru’s lovely donut tutorial. My brain hurts but I’ve taken the first step!
#blender#blender 3d#3d artwork#blender guru#i downloaded blender last summer and adhd means i got overwhelmed and didnt start till now#so im using the 2.8 tutorial since i have the 2.92 version#which im not complaining about bc the 3.0 tutorial only does the donut#but the 2.8 does donut and coffee#at least from skimming the thumbnails#so i think this works out better all around since there’ll be a whole lot more tutorial!#tbf tho some of my display is still different from his but so far ive managed to locate everything he’s talking about#just might need another click or two and a few moments of searching#but yeah ive finally started!!!#its gonna be a long journey but at least ive started :)#and i had some clipping issues i managed to troubleshoot by myself which im proud of!!!#considering im brand new#only thing google helped with was how to edge select rather than vertex select#but other than that i fixed them myself :)#really proud of that <3#lynx 3d#cause i guess i need a tag now lol
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
kazuha relationship hcs (m! 1/2)
summary: random ass head cannons about our beloved bastard. 1/2 cause im too lazy to finish the second half. when im done with part 2, ill just merge them together
pairing: m!reader
warning(s): mentions of alcohol consumption as well as suggestive comments and jokes
mmm yes hot canadian man that i loST THE FUCKING 50/50 TO JEAN
ya’ll were crushing on each other likes hopeless romantics and some shit smh gayest shit ive ever seen
kazuha couldnt help but get flustered every time he saw you. especially the couple days after your/his confession. bitch cannot stop smiling and turning into a god forsaken tomato
free cuddles woohoo! and kithes >:) hes a bit mean about it tho so do expect to pay him back some way. i’ll let your mind wander as to what happened that night
LOVES cooking for his s/o- and pretty much anyone!!! sometimes, when you come home from work, you’ll find hot canadian mf making some reall delicious inazuman cuisine!!
whenever kazuha makes his special dangos, he makes each.. dango-sphere thing look like an adorable ass slime. you nearly mistaken it as a plushie <’3 mihoyo wink wink nudge nudge
your relationship functions into two different ways; either its a long distance relationship or you spend time with kazoo at the crux!
if you mostly spend your time apart, you’ll find small little souvenirs and sappy love letters being sent to your mailbox!!
if you end up following kazuha around during his journey overseas, ohhh boy.
you’re dead
at first everything seems normal. the crews chilling, flowing throughout the ocean with the wind by its side.. its quite peaceful
unless you get sea sick you’re gonna have so much fun-
when it gets darker though, its when the beer bottles start popping open. and the crew is suddenly louder then a twitter mob :’)
i’d say kazuha is more of a clingy drunk and a moron drunk. bitch does you dumb shit whenever hes drunk. prob falls asleep on your shoulder, lightly snoring n’ adorable mcshit
or, if he passes up the opportunity to drink, he’ll stargaze with you up at the front of the ship. calling out weird looking constellations and making fun out of them
or, maybe, the two of you are cuddling in your cabin. listening fondly as the waves brush by the alcor, and how the laughter that once rang freely throughout the ocean, is slowly starting to retreat to slumber... at precisely 5am
FORHEAD KISSES!!!!!!!!!!!!........ whenever hes in front of the crew and is just yknow.. to embarrassed to give you a kiss on the lips, he’d settle for your forehead-
kazuha prob has a pretty decent alcoholic tolerance. or at least, hides his drunk..i-ness from people with his quiet demeanor and overall pretty casual behavior. but you catch on quickly
#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#kazuha x reader#kazuha x m!reader#kazuha x male reader#kazuha#kazuha fluff#kazuha fanfictions#kazuha head cannons#fragmented.works
148 notes
·
View notes
Text
Prima Vista Part IV
[ previous ]
Rating: E (explicit; mdni)
Pairing: Mike Zacharias x fem!reader
wc: ~ 9.6k
Warning: a big helping of abandonment/daddy issues, lots of feelings, explicit sexual content
A/N: y’all are gonna be so soft and then so mad lmao.
The plan was to go to Mike's house then back to campus. You said you didn't have anything to do at your mom's, that a long phone call would suffice, which is why Mike is confused when you ask him if you can stop by before going back. It's an hour out of the way, but it's not like he has anything better to do, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't curious about your humble beginnings.
The house is in a decent-looking neighborhood, small, nearly identical one-story homes surrounded by cracked sidewalks. He has to be careful not to trip as you make your way to the front porch, pots of dead or dying plants along the edges of it. You shove your key into the lock, twist and open, then motion for Mike to follow.
The den is dimly lit, ceiling fan above with only one working bulb. A crime show is playing on the TV but there's no one watching. There is, however, another light pouring from a back room, and as soon as you drop your bag on the couch, a head pokes out from the doorway.
"Baby girl!" A shrill voice cries, and Mike sees you grimace. "I thought you weren't coming by!"
A woman walks into the den wearing long, cotton shorts and an old tie-dye shirt then pulls you into a hug so tight that it makes you cough.
"Mom," you take a deep breath as if to refill your lungs with all the air that was pushed from them. "This is Mike."
He holds out a hand and smiles, but all your mother does is stare with round eyes and blurt, "Oh, he's a big boy."
"My fucking god." You don't yell or whine, just pinch the bridge of your nose and mumble, "Just shake his hand please."
"Sorry, I'm sorry, just was not expecting… You didn't tell me how tall he was."
"'Cause it doesn't matter. Why would I—nevermind," you cut yourself off, face falling flat just like your voice.
Mike isn't sure if he should be flattered or offended or embarrassed, so he just ignores the comment entirely and says, "Nice to meet you."
You make your escape to the back, dragging Mike with you before shutting your bedroom door and leaning against it.
"Mom is a little weird, but you'll always know where you stand with her," you tell him. "Also, sorry about the house. She’s a teacher, so she’s usually pretty beat at the end of the day. Not enough energy to do a lotta cleaning."
"Didn't even notice," he reassures you.
Mike unpacks his bag next to you, and you gather the dirty clothes from both yours and his, balling them up and taking them with you out to the garage to throw into the washing machine. Mike should have done it at his parents', but as you were packing up that morning, his mother got all teary eyed and his dad just kept shaking your tiny hands and telling you to come back, so it just didn’t happen.
Back in the living room, your mom is sitting in an old rocking chair, and Mike thinks you'll take a seat on the adjacent couch, but instead you ask, "You need help with anything? Dishes or vacuuming or somethin'?"
She looks up at you, fly-away hairs sticking out around her temples and forehead and responds, "It'd be nice if you could do the dishes. I just haven't gotten around to it."
"Can do," you nod and walk into the kitchen, opening the dishwasher and making a displeased noise at the dirty plates and bowls inside. There's room for a few more, but once it's full and running, you just clean what's left in the sink by hand. Mike finds a towel, stands next to you, and holds his hand out for every scrubbed dish, drying it and placing it in the rack to hopefully be put up later.
"You hungry?" You ask when you're done and drying your hands. "It's almost one."
"Uh, yeah. I could eat."
Truthfully, he's starving having only had a small breakfast at his parents'. He doesn't want to say that, though, doesn't want you making a big meal for him or apologizing for anything.
"Sandwiches okay?"
Something in your tone has him on edge. Your voice is too quiet, deflecting downward as if you're forcing each word from your mouth.
"Yeah," he nods. "If you get the stuff, I can make 'em." Mostly so that you can relax but also because there's no way he's gonna let you make him a fucking sandwich.
You shrug your shoulders, grab bread, lunchmeat, cheese, and condiments, then say, "You can make ours. I'll make mom's."
He knows he's missing something, but he doesn't know what, and right now he's too afraid to ask.
He eats next to you on the couch, you and your mom watching TV as Mike tries to subtly glance around. Mounted shelves are decorated with dusty, mismatched figurines, cracks opening at the corners where the walls meet the roof. The brick fireplace is stacked high with plastic tubs and books, probably from your mother’s classroom, and the carpet has seen better days.
Mike isn't judging—not in the least—but he has a feeling he knows why being here puts you in a sour mood. The house feels lived in, cluttered and cozy and worn around the edges, but it's still empty somehow.
After the three of you are finished eating, you take the paper plates and dispose of them, then tell your mom that you'll be in your room. She gives you a soft smile that you struggle to return.
It's a little more you in the bedroom, blue walls covered in old posters and collages, a quilt similar to the one in your dorm folded at the bottom of your bed. Your pillow cases are faded and covered in an old flower design that matches your sheets, and there's a small nightstand next to the headboard that's bare on top with wrinkled papers poking out of the bottom drawer.
"It's not much, but if you wanna snoop around like I always do, feel free."
Mike doesn't really want to, especially since you already seem so uncomfortable in what should be a safe space for you. The only thing he feels okay investigating is the old bookshelf next to your closet—mostly YA novels, some poetry books, an old set of The Lord of the Rings series, a textbook over rocks and minerals and another over volcanoes. Tucked away in the bottom shelf is a tiny booklet that looks like a photo album, and Mike has to fight the urge to pull it from its place and flip through the plastic pages. Anything to get to know you better.
You lay in bed, eyes locked on the ceiling, and Mike doesn't know what to do. There's a very small TV sitting on your dresser, an old DVD player next to it, so he figures he'll save both you and himself from talking by picking out a movie.
He fingers through them, not that there's a lot, just skims the spines until he pulls out a copy of Space Jam. You only glance at the screen when the intro starts, and Mike immediately zeroes in on the way your jaw sets and your brows furrow.
"I can pick something else," he tells you quietly.
You take a deep breath and shake your head. Slowly but surely your features begin to soften.
"'S'fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. My, uh…" You swallow loud enough from Mike to hear, neck bobbing with the motion. "My dad and I used to watch it all the time."
He doesn't know what to make of it or how to respond. In the months he's known you, Mike has never heard you mention your father a single time, and he's never asked in fear of what your response might be.
He moves your quilt to sit on the very edge of the bed, a little too tense as he heavily contemplates ignoring what you'd said and still switching movies.
"You can lay down, you know," you mumble. "I'm not gonna bite you."
"You have before," he tries to act casual, but it comes out too stiffly.
You laugh through your nose— "Suit yourself—" then get more comfortable on the mattress.
Michael Jordan gets pulled into a golf hole and the Loony Toons journey to retrieve his shoes from the real world. Mike is barely paying attention, more focused on the way your breathing evens out until it becomes slow and deep.
That's good. You could use a nap.
He watches you for a while, the way your eyelashes flutter against your cheeks and your lips part. You're all curled up on yourself, hands tucked under your chin, knees to your stomach, and Mike wants to slip behind you so badly, to pull you to his chest and lay with you until his heartbeat syncs with yours.
But first.
As carefully as he can, Mike stands from the bed and glides to the bookcase. He lowers himself in front of it, quickly finding what he's looking for and pulls it from the shelf.
It's a small little album, full of polaroids and old pictures cut in half. The first page sets the tone for the rest of the booklet, a photo of a very small you outside eating a popsicle next to a man that is most definitely your dad. You've got a similar facial structure as well as his coloring. Not to mention the expression he's wearing is one Mike has seen you make many times before.
The next picture is the two of you dressed up for an event. He's in a striped Polo and slacks while you're in a little checkered dress, a rose corsage on your tiny wrist. Some kind of father-daughter dance, Mike guesses.
Sitting on his lap at a fair, a chubby little boy a few years older than you standing close with a stuffed snake around his neck. A party where you're posed with an honestly frightening costume character. You in a bright, mesh jersey standing back to back with your dad, arms crossed, looking at the camera with your chins tilted upward.
They all look like good memories. The little boy in the fair picture appears several more times, and as he loses his baby fat, Mike sees the resemblance he shares with you and your father. It's too close to be a cousin—your eyes and mouths shaped the same—so he must be your brother.
Mike doesn't know how to feel about that because again, you've never uttered a word. As far as he knew, you were an only child, so why…
He gets lost in the pages, watching you grow and pose mostly next to your dad. Smiles and laughs and silly faces with your tongues sticking out. Your mom is in some, brother in others, and then, you're in a cap and gown, grinning widely next to your dad who's beginning to gray at the temples. His own smile is barely there now, a ghost of what was seen in the previous photos. It's forced, it's sad, and it's the last picture in the book.
Mike's chest hurts. He wonders what happened, when exactly you'd lost him. Was it a quick goodbye, or had it been drawn out and painful? Had he been sick for a long time? He'd looked perfectly healthy in all the shots. Maybe a car accident that took both him and your brother…
He flips to check for one last photo on the back of the page, but it's empty. However, tucked in a tiny, paper pocket is a folded up note that Mike stares at for a few solid minutes, debating the pros and cons of reading it. He knows he's already violated your privacy by looking through the album, and fuck, he's only been in your house for a couple hours at most—how has he already managed to tumble down such a humongous rabbit hole?
Your tiny snores reach his ears, and Mike gently pulls the note out, biting his lip as he unfolds it as quietly as possible. It's soft, like it's been read too many times, and the letters scribbled in all caps are beginning to fade, but the words are still legible.
It starts with your name, and then it's all apologies—sorry I can't stay, I have to leave, you don't understand how much this hurts me and so on.
Mike's eyebrows pull together the further he reads, blood pounding against the walls of his arteries, pulse picking up because he understands now.
Your father wasn't in any sort of accident; he just left.
The letter ends with a gut-wrenching, You'll always be my little girl, and Mike nearly crumples the paper up to throw away. He resists somehow, simply folds it with shaky hands and slips it back into the pocket at the back of the album.
He's never been so mad at a stranger in his life. This must be it. This must be why you are—
"Should've known you'd go straight for the photo album."
Your voice makes Mike's body jolt, his face heating as he turns to look at you with wide eyes.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean—"
You wave him off and prop yourself up on an elbow. "It's whatever."
But, it's not. It's this huge part of you that still affects you to this day. Mike is no psychologist, but he has a pretty good feeling this is the main reason you hold everyone at arm's length.
"Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"What's there to tell?"
Sitting up fully, your gaze moves to the screen just in time to see Michael Jordan step off of the spaceship and onto the baseball field. I Believe I Can Fly is playing, and you're gritting your teeth.
"It's not anything that comes up in normal conversation anyway. I wasn't just gonna hit you with it outta nowhere. Also," you look back to Mike, eyes still sleepy, lips pulling downward in a frown. "I'm not the only one who hid stuff about my family."
Mike sighs and quietly tells you, "That's different," as he closes the album and slides it back into the row of books.
"Is it, though? Is it really?"
"I..."
Mike shuts his mouth and actually thinks on it. He wasn't trying to lie to you about his home life or his heritage. He's only half Greek on his mom's side, after all, and he's only been to the country to visit family a couple of times—once when he was a child and once right before college. The culture is a little different over there, but it all seems so natural to him, especially after being raised to speak the language.
Honestly, he didn't ever tell you because he didn't think to, but Mike can understand the shock of walking into his childhood home and getting thrown through that loop. It must have been jarring for you.
It's a positive aspect of his life, though. It's not something that's damaged him or made him cold toward others. And, he hates describing you in such a way, but it's true.
At least it makes sense now.
"I guess not," he shrugs. He's not about to fight you on it.
You stare at him for a while, waking up a bit more as you rub your eyes and stretch.
Then, you flop back down on your pillows.
"So. Any questions, Zacharias?"
He's surprised that you're asking, and though he doesn't want to twist the metaphorical knife in your gut, he still replies honestly: "Too many."
A long exhale through your nose, and then you're patting the mattress next to you and grumbling, "Fine, I'll do my best, but you gotta come up here."
"Why? You gonna need to cuddle afterward?" He can't help but tease.
"Fuckin' maybe, dude! We're about to get into my god damn trauma so—"
Mike is up on his feet and flying toward the bed. He isn't about to sabotage the one fucking moment you're opening yourself up.
"Alright, what first?" You ask, trying to look bored, but Mike can clearly see that you're nervous.
"He left."
"Yeah."
And then he gets the full story.
Your dad was pretty perfect during your younger years—a bit of a workaholic but still good. He took you to dances like the one you'd both dressed for in the photograph. You'd spend days at amusement parks where he'd carry you on his shoulders. He coached the basketball team you'd played on as a child.
"Not saying he played favorites, but I was definitely closer to him than my brother was."
The brother who developed a drug problem at fourteen, who was always either out with his little addict friends or at home where he would just scream at you and your mom.
"He went to rehab a couple times, but it didn't stick."
He left home at seventeen and hasn't gotten in touch with you or your parents since.
"I keep thinking one day we'll get a call from the police saying they found his wallet on a fucking corpse, but who knows. Maybe he got clean. Maybe he started a family somewhere else. He'd be twenty-five now."
"Were you ever close with him?"
You shrug. "We spent a lot of time together when we were really little, but even back then he was kinda a mean kid."
It very quickly circles back to your father. Mike still doesn't feel like he has all the answers, so he asks through the skin of his lip, "Why'd he leave?"
At this point, you've got your head in his lap as he sits against the wall. He smooths your hair back from your face every once in a while, something his mom used to do to him when he was very young that always soothed him.
He hopes it's having the same effect on you, thinks it might be considering you've had your eyes closed for a while now, humming now and then as you talk.
"Honestly, I don't really know. I don't think he and my mom were ever in love. Like, they just kinda settled for each other," you sigh. "They didn't have a lot in common. They had different upbringings. But, they didn't fight or anything—not in front of us. They were good at hiding the hard times from me and my brother. They just didn't… click."
Mike bites his tongue, wonders if that was hard to watch or if you'd been too naive to notice.
Then, there's his second train of thought that's really just the voice in his head screaming, we click, though! You and I work! But he keeps it to himself. This isn't about you and him.
"I think maybe dad had, like, a 'stay together for the kids' mentality 'cause as soon as I graduated, he was fuckin' gone. And, I mean gone. We went to a graduation party the next weekend that lasted a few hours—just me and mom—and when we got back his truck wasn't in the driveway and his drawers were empty. He left that note you read on my desk."
Mike breathes. Just breathes. He tries to make sense of it, how someone could just do that without a real reason. There hadn't been any explanation in the letter, only apologies.
"Have you seen him since?"
You open your eyes and reply, "Nope," popping the 'p'. "I don't know where he is, and he hasn't reached out. Mom made the drive to my grandma's—his mom—but she said she didn't know where he was either. Pretty sure she was covering for him, though. She was always kind of a bitch. You know, save for the whole paying for my college and all."
Mike snorts at this, not that there's anything funny about the situation. It's just his first reaction.
You ignore it, moving on with an, "Anyway."
"Anyway," he mimics.
"I don't know if you've noticed in the short time you've been here, but my mom is a little… off. Not super good at taking care of herself."
"Is this why?"
"Clever boy," you show a bitter smile. "I didn't really understand since they weren't, like, in love or whatever, but… I think it was the betrayal more than anything. Like, it came outta nowhere, a big ol' slap in the face."
"Plus, he left you behind," Mike adds, as if you don't already know.
Looking up at him, you raise your eyebrows and smirk. "And, now you know about my abandonment issues." The last part comes out in high-pitched, melodic syllables, a little song that would be funny if Mike didn't know it was a coping mechanism. It most definitely is, though. He can tell that you're the type to mask every issue with humor and sarcasm. It's how you've been dealing with him for the last several months.
"So, that's my story," you conclude on an exhale. "Now you know all my dirty secrets."
"For some reason I don't think that's all of them," Mike pets your hair again. "But, probably the important ones."
"Mm. I guess."
The rest of the day is really just spent killing time. You cook an easy dinner that you refuse to let Mike help with, then sit in the den with your mom just like you did at lunch. A medical show is playing. Then a reality show. Then a game show. None of you say much of anything, and it's painfully awkward for Mike now that he knows what happened, but he can power through a few days of this if it makes you feel better.
Hours pass until you can retreat, and moonlight shines through your bedroom window, not that Mike needs it. He's memorized your body at this point, knows where to touch without even seeing. He makes sure to be gentle, to suckle and blow on your pebbled nipples as you card fingers through his hair and breathe faster and faster.
Leaving love bites down your chest and stomach, he sucks on your skin, gently grazing his teeth over every bruise. Mike wants you to see them all the next day—not a staked claim, just something you can't ignore when you look in the mirror, evidence of his feelings in every mark.
When you're finally nice and relaxed, he spreads your legs and licks into you, trying not to be too rough with his beard, but a few swipes of it over your clit leave you shaking in his grasp. You whisper his name, the common one that everyone knows him by, but then, rolling off your tongue like a prayer, you call him, "Miche," and he can't help the rumble that rises in his chest.
It should be strange. That's the name only his family uses, the one he was born with. He only simplified it so that kids in school wouldn't ask questions or make fun of him, and after that, it just sort of stuck. But, here and now, falling from your lips, it's so soft. So intimate.
You whimper when he sucks on your folds, making them swell, making them sensitive. And then, he's pushing his tongue inside of you and humming happily at the taste. His nose is bumping against your clit, and Christ, you even smell good to him—that ripe, tangy aroma that has Mike going a little crazy. He has to make sure he doesn't get too carried away. You can't make very much noise even with the rattling of the air conditioner, but as he slowly slides a finger into your pussy, he hears you moan around the fist you're holding to your mouth.
He stretches you just enough to get you ready, then he holds himself over you and pushes into your wet cunt. Your eyes are open, locked with Mike's as your brow raises and your jaw drops. It's erotic, something you've never done with him before. You typically either gaze somewhere other than his face or keep your eyes squeezed shut.
Tonight, though, you've been vulnerable and apparently want to stay that way for a little while longer.
He bends to catch you in a kiss, lips and tongues moving just as slowly as his hips, and when you reach to tug at Mike's hair, he pants into your mouth.
Those words are there again, stuck in his throat but slowly crawling upward until they're just there, pouring from his tongue, "I lo—"
Until you cut him off with a sharp, "Don't."
He makes a noise of frustration, wants to protest because he's so deep inside of you, and you're holding onto him like you want him—truly want him, but you mutter once more against his lips, "Don't say it, Miche."
So, he doesn't. He bottles the confession up and keeps it locked away, hoping like hell that one day you'll let him tell you.
After you climax and coat his cock in slick and cream, he gives a few more thrusts and comes inside of you, filling you with himself and wondering why you're so willing to accept him in that way but not in any other.
He's hurting again, like he did at his parents' as you walked around like you belonged there. Except it's worse now.
If you don't want him to say it, that means you don't want to say it back.
He stays with you for a few more minutes before pulling out. You leave to clean up, and while you're gone, Mike sits on the edge of the bed, head in his hands as he tries to get it all out of his system, whispering it out loud to himself:
I love you. I love you, I love you.
You still let him hold you as you fall asleep, gripping his hand until you can't anymore, and as Mike drifts off behind you, he has one last thought—Just let me.
*
There’s only three weeks left of the semester when you head back to campus, and you intend to make the most of every passing day.
You pay better attention in class. You study harder in the library to prepare for final exams. You go to a few more Pi Alpha Kappa parties, making sure not to burn yourself out. And, you let Mike fuck your brains out every few days. Sometimes it’s late at night after those parties. Sometimes you're too tired after the nights of drinking and end up just going to bed only to wake up in the morning and have slow, sleepy sex. Sometimes it’s in the middle of the afternoon when you both have breaks between classes.
Neither of you bring up anything that happened over the break—meeting families, details about your childhoods, how much you learned about one another in general.
Most importantly, neither of you address that first night at your mom’s, the way Mike had basically worshiped your body, how he’d come so close to uttering the three words you least want to hear.
Thinking about it still makes your chest tighten, your heart beat faster. Sometimes when you’re sharing his bed with him, back pressed to his chest, large arm slung over your waist, you think about why it is you’re so vehemently against it. The two of you already act like a couple most of the time. You walk with each other to class when you can. You stick to each other’s sides at parties. You fuck like rabbits and don’t care who knows about it.
And, though you’re hesitant to admit it even to yourself, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t have feelings for him. Mike is your best friend at this point. He’s insanely hot. He’s goofy. He’s kind. Yeah, the frat boy persona he puts on around his friends is annoying, but you understand it a little better now. Plus, he always takes off the mask when he’s alone with you, giving both you and himself a break from it.
You know your time with him is quickly coming to an end—for about two months, at least—and whenever you think too hard about it, it makes you pout and huff. You’re not looking forward to your summer classes without him, but he promises on several occasions that you can call him while he’s at his parents’ if you ever need help with the material.
It’s impressive, the way he’s able to act like nothing happened. You know it must be troubling him, but it’s not like you can do anything to soothe him. If he was really upset with you, he would have stopped spending time with you, but he hasn’t. He just bottles it up, keeps smiling at you all crookedly, and keeps satisfying you in the bedroom (more than satisfying honestly. There’s really not a word to describe what he does).
He’s back to getting along with everyone in the Pike house, everyone being Erwin. It’s a relief just because you don’t have to put up with the tension between them, but it’s also awkward. And, a little frightening.
The brothers have Smash Brothers tournaments and movie nights, a few date parties here and there, and it never fails that at some point during the evenings, you find your neck prickling as it always does when you feel someone staring at you. You always hope it’s Mike. Fuck, you wish it was him. But, when you glance up and around, it’s Erwin. Every time. His deep blue eyes are trained on you, the corner of his mouth twitching upward on one side. It doesn’t matter if he’s alone or if he’s got Maddie or some other girl sitting in his lap. He's fucking shameless, and it makes your stomach hurt.
You keep your mouth shut for the sake of the friendship but also for the sake of Erwin’s pretty face. If he and Mike ever got into an actual fight, Erwin would probably be able to get a good few punches in, but you’re nearly positive Mike would end up destroying him in the long run. That could get him kicked out of school. That could get him thrown in jail.
Finals roll around, and you manage to pass all of them without issue, even getting grades above the class average. You feel fantastic, like your long term goals might actually be attainable. You have a long road ahead of you, but your GPA at the end of the year is more than enough to raise your confidence.
Mike asks you to come back to his house for the couple weeks between the end of the semester and the start of your summer courses, but you turn him down, too scared of what might happen while you’re there. Acting like a couple in front of his parents will only exacerbate his feelings as well as yours, and you’d like to avoid that as best you can.
Even now as you’re standing outside by the Jeep, he tries to persuade you one last time, almost pleading, “Are you sure you don’t wanna come?”
“Miche, I’m sure,” you tell him, trying to stay stern, but it’s hard when his sea glass eyes light up at the sound of his real name. It’s a habit you’ve gotten into, a bad one considering how much he likes it. How much you like it. “I already told you I wanna spend the free time I have at mom’s. I need to check up on her and… Probably clean, honestly.”
He lets out a little grunt of disappointment, then nods. “Yeah, I get it.”
“You saw what she’s like,” you remind him. “Someone needs to drop in every once in a while to make sure she isn’t, like, wasting away or something.”
“Makes sense. I’ll be bummed, though.”
“Be bummed all you want,” you smile. “I’ll probably still bother you over break. A lot.”
He sounds terribly sincere when he mumbles, “You never bother me.” It makes your stomach flip in the way you do not enjoy.
Mike sighs, taking in one of those deep breaths that makes his broad chest rise then fall, calling attention to it and making you bite your bottom lip.
“Alright, I should get going,” he concedes, bending down to kiss you too deeply for simple friends with benefits. It doesn’t stop you from humming into his mouth and smiling against him. You hold him by the back of his neck as he pulls your body close to his, his voice muffled when he tells you mischievously, “Don’t forget to send pictures.”
It makes you laugh, and you lean back to swipe your tongue over his lips so that he groans and chases after you.
“I promise I will. Perv.” The beating sun is nothing in comparison to the way your body heats at the thought. You’ve sent him nudes before, but the idea of him looking at them from hours away, fisting his cock as he admires your body through his phone… It makes seeing him off even harder.
After a couple more softer kisses, Mike swings into the Wrangler and pulls out of the lot. You stand in his parking space and watch him until he’s out of sight, then walk back to your dorm, dragging your feet the whole way.
You only stay at your mom’s house for a week, and just like you predicted, you spend most of it cleaning. She thanks you the whole time but makes excuses in between. You just reassure her that you don’t mind even though you do. She really should see a therapist and sort out the depression she’s been stuck in for a few years now, but telling someone they need professional help is easier said than done.
Sleeping in your old bed is much harder this time around. You're all too aware of the weight that isn't behind you, and most nights you lay awake for at least a couple of hours trying to imagine it.
Like you’d promised, you send him a few pictures, some of them just lewd selfies with your tits pouring out of the cups of your bra, but others are of your naked body in the bathtub, sometimes a shot of you with your hand between your legs. It feels wrong to touch yourself in your childhood home, but it’s necessary, especially when Mike sends you a few pictures of his own—one with his torso on display, defined abs absolutely mouthwatering and the V of his hips suggestively leading into mesh shorts. Another is of him in the gray joggers he wears all the time, the ones that always show off his cock.
He’s so fucking hot it atually hurts, makes your pussy throb as you crave his touch. It’s an awful feeling honestly, but even worse than that is the way you miss him. You aren’t supposed to miss him. You’re just supposed to be friends who have sex. Nothing more than that.
It's why you’re glad to go back to school. Your classes will distract you, keep you from thinking about him too much. The semester is shorter during the summer, so you have to work even harder than you do during fall and spring. You don’t really think it’ll be a problem since you’re trying to cram your brain full of anything other than Mike which is great motivation for studying.
Nothing is gonna get you off track, you tell yourself. Nothing will interfere with your studies. That’s the plan.
Then, you meet Zeke Jaeger.
*
You're studying in the library. It seems like you spend most of your time here, nice and quiet and empty. The campus isn't nearly as busy in the summer as it is during the rest of the school year. No parties, no sporting events, just you alone with your books.
It's nice. Most of the time. A little boring but mostly nice.
Your eyes are getting tired, and when you check your phone, you realize why. It's almost eleven PM, meaning you've been studying for about six hours. You've had longer nights, usually spent on the phone getting quizzed on the information you're learning with a few breaks in between, but that wasn't the case tonight as Mike had to spend the day with family from out of town.
It's okay. You're supposed to be distancing yourself anyway.
Taking a deep breath, you pack up your books and slide your laptop into your bag, then stand and swing it over your shoulder.
The strap is too long. The bag swings too hard, and your heart sinks when you hear a little grunt followed by a, "Agh, hot!"
Turning with wide eyes, you immediately start apologizing, "I'm so sorry, oh my god, fuck, I'm so sorry!"
A head of light blond hair looks up from the brown stain on his white t-shirt, icy blue eyes narrowed behind wire-rimmed glasses, but when he sees the mortification on your face, his own expression softens, and he chuckles.
"It's fine. You can calm down."
You're still breathing heavily, guilt making your hands shake, but he really doesn't look angry. In fact, he's grinning now, eyebrows raised like he's amused.
The longer you stare at him, the more familiar he looks. You're pretty sure you've seen him before. Many times before, actually, and then it clicks that this guy is on the front page of the school website. You see him every fucking time you log in, looking much more stern than he does now. Baseball hat and jersey, mitt on one hand as he hides his other in it, and yeah, you know him.
"You're Zeke Jaeger."
He makes a face, scrunching his nose up and squinting. "Yeeeeah, I guess I am."
Best pitcher in the college league despite being a sophomore like you. He's beaten the records of some major league players.
You don't give a fuck about baseball, have never even been to any of the school's games, but you've been hearing about Zeke since the last season. You've learned to tune it out because, again, no shits given (and also you're much more partial to lacrosse now), but he's hard to ignore when he's staring you right in the face.
"Well, uh," you try to act casual. It's something you're pretty good at these days. "Cool."
He snorts, picking his shirt off his chest to air it out like it'll help, then says, "I don't know your name, though."
You run your tongue over your teeth, wondering why he cares, then introduce yourself.
"Oh, you're Zacharias' little girlfriend, aren't you?"
Your stomach flips at the mention of him.
"We're not dating."
Zeke cocks his head to the side. "No?"
"No. Just friends."
He hums but doesn't say anything, and your eyes are once again drawn to his chest as he fans over the stain.
"Okay, let me get you a new shirt or something," you try.
He laughs again. "I highly doubt you've got a men's shirt tucked in that bag of yours, sweetheart."
"I—" you pout for a second, mumble, "Okay, yeah, fair point."
"Another coffee, though," he muses out loud. "Wouldn't be the worst thing."
You shoot him a finger gun and smack your lips. "On it. Where do you get coffee at eleven o'clock?"
"I'll walk with you," he states more than offers.
Then, you're both leaving the library, leaving campus, and going to a little 24 hour cafe where you blow on lattes and cover the basics about each other—philosophy major, valedictorian of his high school class, playing baseball since age seven, etc. You should sleep. You should get ready for another long day of studying.
But it's hard to make good decisions when Zeke Jaeger is smirking at you from across the table like you're the most interesting thing he's ever seen.
*
Zeke gets your number that night. You're not exactly sure how, but he does.
Then he doesn’t text you for three days. It doesn’t bother you that much. You figure he has other things to focus on. He’s on campus to take a couple courses and practice for the upcoming season, so he’s probably just busy. If that night had just been a one-off, it’s fine with you. It was cool to talk to him, but your heart isn’t broken.
These are all the thoughts and justifications running through your head when you’re in class on Tuesday and your phone lights up during the PowerPoint lecture. You glance down, expecting Mike or Hitch, but it’s an unknown number instead. Eyes flicking from the projection screen to your much tinier one, you slide to open the message and chew on your lip.
Hey, it’s Zeke. You have classes this afternoon?
You do not. And, you are too quick to tell him that.
He takes you to a little Mom and Pop restaurant, too far to walk so you end up riding in the black Bronco he drives, trying to convince yourself that it definitely does not make him any more attractive to you. Because you aren’t attracted to him in the first place. Right?
You sit at a table for two eating paninis and fruit. Zeke asks how classes are going, you ask about practice, and as you talk, he gets that look in his eyes again, like you amuse him or interest him or something.
It confuses you, and for a moment, you’re taken back to last fall at that first Pi Kappa Alpha party, the one you met Mike at when he tried to get you to shotgun a beer. God, he had been so obnoxious back then, always following you around and flirting and—
“You listening, sweetheart?”
Your eyes refocus on the man in front of you, his raised eyebrows and little smirk. “Looks like you’re a million miles away. Sorry if I’m boring you.”
“No, no,” you try to defend. “I just zoned out for a second. Realized I, uh, got an answer wrong on the quiz I took today.”
“That sucks,” he hums. “Anyway, I can stop talking about baseball.”
“It’s okay. Just go over the last, like, ten seconds,” you say with a laugh, hoping your cheeks will stop burning sooner rather than later.
Zeke chuckles and does just that, doesn’t seem irritated or put out. He tells you about how he has a new trainer this year to warm him up and make sure his throwing arm is in top shape. “I hope he’s as good as my last. Colt was always on it, knew exactly how hot to make the warm compresses and how cold to make the ice packs. Stuff like that. He learned my needs.”
You both laugh, and if it was anyone else, you’d have an innuendo sliding off your tongue, but for some reason, you don’t think Zeke would want to hear it, like he’d be unimpressed with your vulgar humor.
Back at the college, he drives you to your dorm, explaining that he lives in the apartments on the other side of campus and wouldn’t want to make you walk that far. Then, as you slide out of the Bronco, he stops you with a smooth, “Hey,” that makes you look over your shoulder at him. “Make sure you save my number in your phone, okay? I’ll text you soon.”
The way your stomach flips is worrisome, a feeling you’re only used to when you’re with…
“Yeah, okay.”
He grins widely and nods, then waits for you to get a good distance away from the car before driving off.
No distractions, you’d said. It’ll be good for your focus, you’d said.
What a fucking joke.
*
Mike has to help you with some homework that weekend. You can hear his smile through the phone, snort when he makes his little nerd jokes, then sigh when he gets to the actual subject and explains it to you without a problem. His brain is incredible, and when you think about it too hard, it makes you warm inside.
“You’re so fucking smart. Why don’t you let people know?”
“Maybe I just want you to know,” he chuckles. “You think I wanna spend my days tutoring every idiot who needs help?”
“Miche, did you just call me an idiot?”
You hear another breathy laugh followed by a sigh. “I have many, many names for you, but ‘idiot’ isn’t one of them.”
“Oh yeah?” You play. “And, what might those other names be?”
He lists a few, all of them making your face flush and your body tingle, and before you know it, you’ve got your pants off and your fingers between your legs. You can hear Mike’s heavy breathing on the other end, the wet sound of his hand stroking his lubricated cock, and when you reach your climax, you moan out your usual, “Oh fuck, oh fuck, Miche.”
He tumbles down right behind you, panting and telling you in a voice of disbelief, “Jesus, it just keeps coming.” It makes the pulses of your orgasm even stronger, remembrance of all the times he’s painted you in white, and God, you are so ready for him to get back to the school.
Then, there’s the voice in the back of your head that makes you think maybe it’s better that he’s gone for now, that he might not be too pleased that you’re spending time with another guy. But, it’s not like things with Zeke are going anywhere. You wouldn’t even call him a friend. You text on and off, have brunch or lunch or coffee depending on the time of day.
And, yeah, he calls you pet names, tells you that you look nice even when you’re just in leggings and a t-shirt, talks about his family and…
Okay, it could potentially lead to something more, but it’s only been a week, and considering his golden boy status, he could have anyone he wants, so why would he even be interested in you in any way, shape, or form?
Naturally, your thoughts circle back to Mike and the way he could have any girl on his arm, but he still chooses to spend time with you. To fuck you. To nearly confess his feelings to you. You have to wonder if you’re emitting some kind of scent or beacon, if there’s a sign hanging above your head with an arrow pointing down. Sports gods, come get a piece.
If only you’d never gone to that party. If you had just kept your head down like you had freshman year. Your life would be so much easier now.
But now you’re in Zeke’s apartment listening to him rant about some philosopher you’ve never even heard of. He’s gesturing with his hands, flipping curling, blond bangs from his face, and whenever he pauses to think, he scratches his beard. He’s very fond of the white t-shirts and jeans get-up, sometimes switches it up and wears a button down under a sweater vest. Both looks are becoming of him no matter how much you try to deny it, but when he drops down onto the couch next to you and peers into your god damn soul with those piercing, blue eyes, you have to choke back a dreamy sigh.
What is happening to you?
“So, what do you think about it?” He asks, looking hopeful that you might have some insight on this matter.
But, you simply laugh and shake your head. “Zeke,” you start. “I’m gonna be real honest with you here. I didn’t understand a fucking thing you just said.”
You assume he’ll be disappointed, maybe tire of you since you can’t be as intellectually stimulating as he’d like you to, but Zeke exhales in a lighthearted sort of way, shows one of those amused smiles, and tells you, “You’re cute.”
Anyone else and you would have snapped back, something along the lines of, don’t fucking patronize me, but with Zeke, all you can do is stare at him and let your lips part, silently asking for something you won’t speak out loud.
His gaze moves to your mouth for a split second. That soft smile turns into one of his famous smirks. Then, he’s back on his feet and asking, “You wanna go to dinner?”
You are more than relieved at the shift in atmosphere, but your heart is still beating too hard as you follow him downstairs and to his car.
*
Summer is passing quickly. Too quickly. The eleven week classes are kicking your ass, or are close to kicking your ass. Lucky for you, you have your own private tutor just a call or text away. Mike helps you, and you laugh and goof around, shoot off innuendo after innuendo, but the phone sex slows to a halt eventually. You tell him that you’re tired, and you are. It isn’t a lie. But, it also isn’t the full truth.
Between classes when you could be resting, you’re eating out with Zeke. Or, watching him and the rest of the baseball team practice for the upcoming season. Or, sitting in his apartment, watching movies and chatting about all manner of things. Nothing important, of course—there’s no diving deep into your life story like you had done with Mike over Spring Break, but Zeke still learns the little things about you. Why you’re majoring in geosciences and how you became good friends with some of the Pike guys. You don’t give him the full details on that one—that you got blackout drunk and fucked Mike and just couldn’t stop. You don’t think Zeke would be interested in hearing about it anyway.
You learn a bit about his dad and stepmom, the latter of whom he isn’t very fond of. He also has a little brother who’ll be attending the college starting this fall, and he’s interested in the Greek life. Naturally, you build PKA up. Even if there are some… Problematic people in the house, there are also a lot of really good guys.
“I’ll make sure to pass it along to him,” Zeke tells you one evening as you’re both sprawled on the couch, backs against the armrests as you face each other. It’s how he seems to prefer to sit when the TV isn’t on. When you asked him why, he had told you, “Just like looking at you,” and you didn’t know how to respond. You still don’t know how to respond.
“Eren thinkin’ about joining any sports?” You ask now. “Does baseball run in the family or anything?”
Zeke snorts. “Kid couldn’t hit a baseball even if it was on one of the t-ball stands.”
“I’ll take that as a ‘no’, then.”
“I would say he’s more academically inclined, but,” Zeke sighs. “That would be a lie.”
You can never tell if he actually likes his brother. Most of the time he complains about him, but every once in a while he’ll bring up something cute Eren did as a little boy, and you see a fond glimmer in his light eyes.
“Anyway,” Zeke waves off the subject and transitions to a new one—one that makes your stomach drop. “Are you gonna tell Zacharias about us?”
You choke on your own spit, leaning forward to cough a couple times, then challenge him with a nervous laugh, “I wasn’t aware there was anything to tell him.”
Zeke tilts his head, mouth pulling up as he raises his eyebrows. “Come on,” he chuckles.
“Come on, what?” You frown. If you were with Mike, you both would have died at that. Come on my face, you can hear him say, and you have to fight a smile because there’s absolutely no way you could explain that to the man in front of you.
“You don’t have to play coy, sweetheart. We both know there’s something going on between us.” He says it with such confidence that even if he wasn’t right you wouldn’t be able to argue with him. The assumption should annoy you, should make you scoff and leave, but instead you sit there staring, caught up in his gaze and cocky grin.
“I—”
“It’s okay, you know. Not like you’re alone in this.”
Those questions swim through your mind again, all the insecurities that you’ve been sorting through with Mike, but now that voice is louder because that sense of trust hasn’t formed yet. You’ve only connected with Zeke over meals and movies. It sounds domestic, but despite your apparently obvious attraction to him, you still don’t feel like you really know him.
But, he draws you in, like a moth to a flame. You can’t help it. There’s just something about him that makes you want him to like you, like you want to impress him, like you want to be good for him. You’ve been trying to ignore those thoughts, but they’re much harder to fight now that you’re sitting in front of him, taking in his wavy hair and pale blue eyes, that ever present smirk on his face, the curve of his neck that disappears into his shirt.
He could just want sex. He could just want a fling. Wait for everyone to get back on campus and drop you for another girl. You tell yourself you wouldn’t care; you’re good at keeping things casual.
Wouldn’t it be fun to be his arm candy for a while, though? Let people look at you and whisper louder than they did when they’d see you and Mike together? You don’t care about status, about being in the spotlight. It’s more for the experience, dating someone who could teach you things.
Mike teaches you things, that voice pops up again. He’s been helping you with your work for almost a year now. You can’t just overlook that.
“What, are you weighing the pros and cons over there or something?”
You snort. “Maybe. We still don’t really know each other all that well, Zeke.”
“Might I remind you that we’ve been hanging out all summer? Did you honestly think it wouldn’t lead to anything more?”
“Honestly,” you mimic, “I never thought you’d be interested.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” His brow furrows like he’s genuinely confused. “You’re smart. You’re funny. You’re cute.”
God, you can’t even count how many times he’s called you ‘cute’, how many times it’s made you blush over the last several weeks, just like it does now.
Then, he pushes, “Do you not find me at—”
“Of course I do,” you cut him off. “I don’t know who doesn’t, which is exactly why I don’t know where this is coming from.”
Zeke sighs like he’s annoyed, then turns the hand on his thigh palm up and beckons you with two fingers. “Come here.”
“What?”
“Come here.”
Your blood pressure spikes, breaths coming in little puffs that have no way of getting to your brain. It’s probably why you obey, rolling to your knees and clumsily crawling over to him. You stop short, right between his bent knees, but Zeke sits up, straightens his legs, and pulls you into his lap.
More of that precious air leaves your lungs as you exhale too sharply, staring at him with huge eyes. You don’t know what’s happening, can’t believe it’s happening. It doesn’t feel real even as you rest your hands on his shoulders, even when he holds your hips and pulls you so that your full weight is on him, but fuck, you can’t say anything. You can’t make a sound. All you can do is wait for him to make his next move.
“Why do you look scared?” His voice is just above a whisper, but at this proximity you can hear him without a problem.
“I don’t have a lot of experience sitting in men’s laps,” you manage, trying to keep your usual careless tone, but you doubt it works.
“For some reason I don’t believe that.”
You rear back, actually offended. “Excuse m—”
That ire, however, melts away as quickly as it arose. Zeke slides fingers up your waist, all the way to the back of your neck to bring your face to his—your lips to his.
He feels different, not at all what you’re used to. His kiss is more demanding, hungry, and God, you still can’t breathe, can’t think straight because his tongue is moving past your lips, and you’re letting it, letting him taste you as your fingertips dig into the flesh of his shoulders. You lift yourself from him just a little only for Zeke to pull you back down with the hand still gripping your hip. He makes sure you feel him when he grinds up into you, the zipper of his jeans rubbing you through your little shorts so that you gasp into his mouth.
You both stay like that for what feels like a fucking eternity, biting and sucking on lips, stroking over each others’ tongues until you absolutely have to break apart. You’re panting now, body still tense on top of his, and Zeke stares at you with half-lidded eyes and shows the ghost of a smile.
“Oh, I’m gonna have so much fun with you.”
The statement sets you on fire, so much so that all you can do is whimper quietly and lean in for more.
And, as you get lost in Zeke Jaeger, you decide for yourself.
I need to tell Mike
[ next ]
#mike zacharias x reader#miche zacharias x reader#aot x reader#aot fanfic#aot fanfiction#mels prima vista
215 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
ronchi-ro
Ronchi-Ro
jmbrownphoto-blog
Untitled
lilpeebaby
Cupcake
theabstrachuje
little turtle
dangan-aoi-aesthetics
Haitus!