#it's painful because i knew someone who personally faked this stuff (or has convinced herself she has it i can't even tell) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

munamania · 3 years

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happy hawkins holiday hiatus to @mikewheelerthepaladin !! here’s a lighthearted fic + a playlist of songs i listened to a lot while writing, i hope you enjoy 🥳

& a big thank you to @sevensided for putting this together, it’s been super fun <3

It’s the first time he’s been in over a year, really, but he’d entertained the thought of asking Will over the summer, for one last challenge before he left. It never happened, everything went by too fast; and, honestly, Mike didn’t know how to talk to him with the goddamn weight of everything - hi, we’ve barely spoken in the last year and we just almost died, again, and now you’re moving away forever - wanna hang out?

It’d never been that hard.

And it sucked. The whole thing. Now that Will is gone, it gnaws at him daily that they could have had more time together. Or a proper goodbye, at least. Instead, he spent a lot of time last summer sitting around, figuring out how to approach El and his feelings toward her, and most of all, alone.

But now the Byers are coming home for Christmas. And staying with The Wheelers, on top of it all.

So, seeking some sort of cryptic universal answer to his life problems, Mike returns to the place of a lot of younger memories, of crowding around machines with Lucas and Dustin and Will, a conglomeration of shouting and booing and cheering when one of them topped a high score, of frantically patting down their pockets for a few extra coins.

All of these wistful memories come to halt, however, when he finds a familiar redhead occupying one of their favorite games.

Max glances at him through the screen. “What do you want?”

“Uh, to play?” Honestly, he doesn’t care; he’s not sure he could focus enough to win much anyway. “Kicking your ass would be a plus.”

“Yeah, as if.” Her gaze fixes back on the colorful pixels dancing in front of her face.

Okay, well, she’s not moving anytime soon. He could probably just walk away, but a part of him wants company, even if it’s from someone hellbent on disagreeing with him.

Even when the Party hangs out now, Mike finds himself bickering with Max over what movies to see, where to eat, nearly anything, even when he doesn’t really give a shit. It’s the principle of the thing, and she gets under his skin.

Maybe it’s a good thing.

Mike sighs, leans against one of the neighboring games, and shoves his hands in his pockets. “I don’t really know why I’m here.”

“Well, if you’re looking for me to throw pity money at you, it’s not happening.” After a beat, and losing the level, she kicks at the machine and turns to him. “Now look what you made me do. All your moping and talking - I could’ve beaten that if you would just leave me alone.”

He offers a quarter.

“Forget it.”

“I’ll buy you a pop, then.” She glares at him. “Seriously, okay, this is the first and only olive branch. Take it or leave it.”

After a moment of scowling at him, her arms folded, she slowly concedes, a smug look taking over. “Okay. I’ll take it, Wheeler.”

“So, you’re stalking me at the arcade because… of nothing?”

Mike presses his lips into a line. “I’m not stalking you,” he says, “and it’s not - it’s not nothing. I was gonna ask Lucas or Dustin to come, but… I felt like I needed to be here alone.”

Max sips on her drink. “That didn’t work out.”

“Guess not.”

“So you did need to talk to someone.”

“Guess so.”

God, this is borderline painful. Sitting in a shoddy little booth across from Max, whom he never once intended to have a heart-to-heart with, is a new level of desperation. But here they are.

With the most grandiose sigh he’s ever heard in his life, Max straightens in her chair. “Well, I don’t love giving advice to annoying teenage boys, but I’ve been told I’m good at it. Advice, you know.”

Mike raises an eyebrow. “Was it El who said that, by chance?”

“Bite me.”

Amused, Mike smiles, and he slides the near-empty cup between his hands like a little game, something else to focus on. “Okay, fine, give me some advice.”

Max frowns at him like he’s the biggest idiot in the world. “Maybe give me a situation to work with?” She mutters something under her breath that he doesn’t bother with.

“Well, the Byers are coming home and staying with us, and I wanted to come up with something really nice to do, you know. I know that they’re really nervous because it’s… the holidays have been rough, the past few years.” He finishes his drink and stares at the lid. “They almost refused. So, I dunno, I figured I could do something to make them feel like it’s still home.”

“Oh,” Max nods, finally breaking into a slight smile, “well, cool, you could set up something really romantic for El! She’d love it.”

Right. The girlfriend.

He had no clue where the hell they left things when the Byers moved. About a month ago, Mike called to tell her the distance was confusing and they might need to take a break. He figured she would’ve told Max because, from his understanding, they spoke on the phone on an almost daily basis.

“Sure - yeah, yeah, that’s - it’s a good idea. For sure.”

Max falls back into a confused squint. “Was there something else you had in mind?”

Mike isn’t sure how to get it out without sounding like a total airhead. So he copes with it the best way he can. “You know what, this was dumb. I’ll figure it out myself.” He grabs his jacket and stands to leave.

“No, no, Mike - I want to help.” She’s looking up at him with a genuinely nice expression, holding out a hand to stop him from fully up and leaving. “I’m really good at this stuff, just let me know what I can do. No judgment. I swear.”

“I have to get home tonight anyway,” Mike says cautiously. “Told my mom I’d help with dinner.”

“Can I come over tomorrow?”

He frowns, and something digging at his stomach makes him respond with, “Why do you care?”

Max’s jaw sets. She stands up to meet his eye level and sets a look on him. “Even if I didn’t, even if I couldn’t care less about you, Mike, I care about El. And Will. And I want to be a part of their homecoming. So maybe you could figure out a way to not be a dick about it.” She snatches her drink cup and storms off from the table, leaving Mike to scramble after her with more apologies.

He’s gotta get better at this whole ‘girls’ thing.

He catches up to her outside. “Okay, listen - come over after school tomorrow. We can meet outside by the stairs.”

She barely turns to him, says, “Fine,” and then hops on her bike and rides away.

That’s how Mike ends up with Max in his basement, slowly walking and examining his things, but not touching any of them, thankfully.

It’s going alright, thus far. A part of him feels like he should reach out to Lucas and Dustin, too, since they’re also Will’s best friends. But something about this… works. He and Max can’t seem to stay entirely civil in each other’s company, but she gets something. And she hasn’t brought up El even once since yesterday.

“So, I’m gonna come up with a really cool campaign - well, I’ve been working on it, and I can tell you about it - “ Max lifts herself on tiptoe in his peripheral vision, “ - but anyway, we can pull an all-nighter, if everyone’s up for it, and make snacks and drinks and stuff, and we can have movies on for you guys, and I thought I might even look for some costumes because I really think Will would get a kick out of it. I can put lights up, too - “

“You draw?”

Max’s back is to him, as she’s looking over his wall of posters and pinned pictures. As he steps closer, he realizes her eyes are fixed on a sketch that definitely bears some resemblance to him.

“No, Will sent me those,” he says quickly, not wanting to seem like a giant narcissist, because Will’s drawing is - how can he say it - beautiful. “He’s been using charcoal a lot recently, he told me he got some new art stuff. I think he wants to send one of all of us.”

Max turns to him, and he can’t tell if she’s tearing up for some reason, but she quickly wipes any sign of tears away. “That’s so neat,” is all she says at first. There’s a small silence between them, and she’s just looking at him, and he has no idea what the hell he should say. “He’s such a good person,” she adds quietly, “I wish I got the chance to really know him.”

Mike’s breath hitches for a few seconds. “Yeah. I mean, he mentioned hanging out with you a few times.”

A smile lifts the girl’s cheeks. “Yeah, to bitch about you, mostly.”

“Hey!” he protests, but he can’t help but smile too, this time. This might just be their most pleasant interaction to date. “He never mentioned that.”

“I don’t know how he could, all you freakin’ do is talk.”

“Whatever.” Mike messes with some Christmas crafts on the table, holding them up in his vision to see where they might fit in the basement. He clears his throat. “You know, El and I, uh - we split.”

Max nods slowly. “She said you guys don’t call much.”

“No, we didn’t. I mean, I don’t even call Will, we just write.” He leans against the table, eyes glazing over as he looks over years of memories, dorky craft nights, and shitty school projects that he or his mom made a point to keep. “It’s too hard to talk - to either of them, you know. I didn’t think I could hear their voices without…”

Max cuts him off. “I get it.” She crosses over to the table, helping him pull apart old paper snowflakes. “I’m just the opposite. I’m scared if I don’t talk to them, I’ll convince myself it was all fake. And maybe it’d be for the better, but I’m glad I knew them. Even if only for a little while.”

Mike bites down on his lips, attempting to bury all the emotion threatening to spew out of him. “Yeah.”

Max finally looks up at him, and though they seem to have shared a moment, she snaps back out of it. “All offense, Mike, these are ugly as shit. I’m helping you make new ones, okay?”

“It’s for the memory!”

“No more living in the past.” She raises her eyebrows at him, and he pinches his face in annoyance, so she says, “Okay, you can put them up, in like, little corners, but we’re making new ones. Surprise. Work with me here, Michael.”

“It’s my basement, Max.”

“Did you or did you not ask for my help?”

Mike blinks. “Not really.”

She throws a crafty paper star at him. “Shut up, you’re glad I’m here.”

He shakes his head and moves on, but though he may never admit it, a part of him really is glad.

Weeks pass in what feels like a span of days or maybe hours, with Mike and Max sorting out their surprise plans with a typical amount of bickering - but hey, they get it done. Max has lots of opinions about decorations and music that make Mike roll his eyes, but she’s got a good eye and she offers to help with baking, which is not a strong suit of his. Yes, they throw a lot of streamers at each other, and threaten to storm out every other hour, but it gets done.

And the day is finally here.

Mike pulls himself into his best festive sweater and eyes himself in the mirror. He messes with his hair, though the long, wavy curls never seem to fall exactly into place - maybe growing it out was a mistake - and tugs at the creases of his sweater, letting out a huffy breath. None of it is working with him. When he can’t stand looking at himself anymore, he dashes down to the kitchen to help his mom with desserts.

She smiles when he plops into a seat. “You okay, honey? You seem a little tense.”

Mike jolts. “Uh, yeah, just excited.”

“Good! Joyce said the kids haven’t stopped talking about the trip for weeks.”

Great. “I hope we live up to the hype.”

“Oh, Mike. You know you don’t have to try that hard.” Karen stops frosting for a moment to look at him. “Will’s your best friend. El is excited to see you,” she nudges at him, and he coughs out a nervous laugh, “and Joyce thinks you’re an angel-”

“God, mom-”

“I’m serious. Don’t worry so much.” She leans forward on her forearms. “I know you think every problem in the world is on you, but it��s not. It’s enough just to be around the people you love. If anything, you’ve gone overboard.”

Overboard. Hopefully, it’s not too much.

Finally, he caves, exhaling slowly with a simple, “Okay.” He stays beside her, tapping his fingers, and eventually ruining a gingerbread man’s face until she notices and smacks his hand away.

There’s a knock on the door, and while Mike hops to his feet, his mother calls out, “Come in!” earning a panicked look from him. She mouths, ‘Chill,’ but he still half-jogs to the door and throws it open.

Nancy calls down the stairs, “Who is it?”

It’s Max, brandishing a few small wrapped gifts.

“Hello, sunshine,” she says. After a moment, “It’s great to see you too, Michael, allow me to invite myself in.”

“It’s just Max,” Mike calls back. He steps aside, and Max brushes past him, dropping her gifts by their tree and running into the kitchen.

“Hi, Mrs. Wheeler!”

“Hey, Max, Merry Christmas!”

Mike’s mom seemed to think Max was one of the most charming people on the planet, something they frequently disagreed on, but he can’t be mad at their pleasant chatter right now.

Especially not when the next knock comes so soon.

Probably just Lucas and Dustin, dragging their feet as usual.

Mike opens the door, prepared with a quippy remark for his friends, but his stomach drops immediately.

It’s Will. Holding a bunch of luggage.

Mike is caught up in everything about him. He’s taller. New, floppy hair, tousled and messy in the biting snowy winds. His forearms exposed as his bags push against his jacket. Will.

The boy smiles at him. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Mike manages.

Will looks past him with a tiny wave, and Mike turns to see Max beaming and waving back, and then Max slips back into the kitchen and Will returns his gaze to Mike. “Can I come in?”

“Hey, Mike!” Joyce interrupts from the car, straining to grab something in the backseat. “Merry Christmas, honey!”

“Merry Christmas, Mrs. Byers!” Mike, finally catching up his brain-to-movement reactions, moves to let Will in. “Yeah, come in. I’m gonna, uh, go help your mom.”

“Cool.”

He immediately forgets why he’s moved and attempts to step out as Will crosses the threshold, almost knocking him over, so Mike grabs his arms to stabilize with a, “Sorry - uh - whoops, haha, don’t fall,” and Will chuckles and shifts a bag to his shoulder, saying, “It’s alright,” and Mike spends his walk to the Byers’ car trying not to curse himself out.

“Oh, Mike, thank you, sweetie,” Joyce grunts, pulling a heavy tote bag from the floor of the car. “Can you carry this?” Mike nods and takes it from her easily, offering his arms out for extra luggage. Together, with Jonathan, who greets him with a, “Merry Christmas, man,” they manage to get everything inside in one trip. Mike hardly notices El rummaging through the trunk until she comes stumbling along with a basket full of gifts.

Finally, they’re all inside, and only a beat goes by before Nancy comes bounding down the stairs to greet Jonathan, and Joyce is grinning around at everybody, and then Karen rushes in from the kitchen with excited greetings.

“It is so good to see you,” Joyce says, opening her arms up to Mike for a hug. “You’ve grown so much-'' she looks at Karen and mutters, “-so much-” then looks back at Mike. “We’ve missed you all.”

“I’ve missed you guys too,” Mike says, “I’m glad you decided to come.”

“We couldn’t miss it. Figured it’s best that we’re together, you know.” Her expression falters, but she takes a breath and carries on with moving bags and ‘Merry Christmases.’

Joyce and his mom wind up chattering, and Karen takes off her apron to help transfer some luggage to the spare room. Nancy takes Jonathan’s hand and heads upstairs, grabbing one of his bags from the ground.

Will seems to have disappeared into the kitchen with Max, leaving his things behind, so it’s just Mike and El.

Mike takes in a deep breath.

It wasn’t an ugly breakup; honestly, El seemed unfazed. Their calls were little more than small talk about their days, most of the time, and even though he thought they might hold onto their past, everything they’d been through… it seemed to work best that they didn’t.

“Hey, Merry Christmas.”

El smiles easily. “Merry Christmas, Mike.” She lifts the basket slightly for acknowledgment. “Can these go by the tree?”

“Yeah, yeah, go for it.”

El nods and slips by the couch over to the tree, carefully laying out the gifts. After a few moments of Mike awkwardly leaning against the couch arm, thinking up something to say - thank god she didn’t seem too focused on him - Max walks in, her mouth stuffed with a truffle.

“El!” She darts over to the tree, and El jumps up, eyes bright, immediately throwing her arms around the girl’s shoulders. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” El giggles. “I brought you a gift.”

“You too. I can’t wait for you to see it. But first, you have to try one of these sweets Mrs. Wheeler’s making. They’re like frickin’ heaven.” She holds out the last bite of her own, and El takes it from her hand, eyes lighting up mischievously as she bites into it.

“It’s amazing.”

“I know. I think we should go sample some of the others.”

Mike calls out to their backs, “You guys better leave some for later on,” and in response, hears Max mimic him. He rolls his eyes and stands up from the couch.

And then it’s just him and Will, who’s beaming at him, seemingly amused by their banter.

Okay, Mike, now or never. “Uh, I’ll show you downstairs.”

“We’re not staying in your room?” Will asks simply, crossing over to retrieve his duffel bag.

“We totally can, I just have something I wanted to show you.”

Will nods. “Oh, okay, cool.”

Mike assists with a smaller bag and leads him to the basement door; before he runs down the stairs, he catches Max’s eye, and she gives him a thumbs up and mouths, ‘You got this.’ Deep breaths. At that moment, he’s incredibly thankful for her presence.

He watches as Will follows him down, slower, glancing around at the familiar surroundings. His eyes catch on everything Mike and Max put together over the past few weeks, and his footsteps grow slower as he takes it all in.

Streamers of all festive colors and off-balance fairy lights hang along the corners of the basement, phrases of ‘Welcome home,’ hand-cut and pasted on the front wall; at the table, a game mat and figures sit in wait, silly hats placed in front each chair; even the TV is prepared with a Santa hat, the couch covered in blankets and pillows, a few sleeping bags folded on the floor.

“Mike,” Will says quietly, stepping in a small circle, “what is all this?”

“Your homecoming party.” Mike is all jitters; he leans against the wall and shoves his hands in his pockets to disguise any visible shakes. “You like it?”

Will finally looks straight at him, an indiscernible look painted on his face. “Yeah,” he says, nodding rapidly, “yeah, it’s great - but we, uh,” he swallows and shakes his head, “we don’t, um, have to play D&D. I mean-”

“I don’t know, Will,” he ventures to step away from the wall, taking slow steps over to the table. Will follows every move. “I mean, I was really excited to have you back, even just for a little bit. We all were.” He reaches the table and leans back on his hands. “Figured having our cleric back warranted some festivities.”

Will shakes his head, runs his hands along his face, and turns away. The bit of confidence Mike has slowly starts to trickle.

“Is it okay?”

Will shakes out of his stupor and chuckles. “It’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me. You’ve truly outdone yourself, Michael.” He lifts himself on tiptoe to look at decorations on top of Mike’s shelves. “Are these from our big craft night, like, years ago?”

The horrible crayon work makes Mike smile - they made half of the snowmen evil, citing a Great Abominable Snowman War, and gave them wicked frowns and smiles, claws on their stick hands. “Yeah.”

“I didn’t know you kept them.”

“I keep everything.” An awkward chuckle breaks from his chest. “Not everything, like, a hoarder or whatever, but - “

Will simply smiles and pushes himself forward toward the back wall, brushing past Mike, to his different pinups. He fixates on the sketch of Mike that he’d sent about a month back. “You know, you should probably take this down. I don’t think you’ll hear the end of it from Lucas and Dustin if you don’t.”

“Screw ‘em.”

“Right.” Will quirks his eyebrow and moves to sit in his designated chair, right next to where Mike is currently resting. “So, they know about D&D?”

“They know.” Mike smiles, and looks at the floor, right where their legs brush up against each other. “They seem pretty excited to have the party back together. To remind you of how badass your first one was,” he adds.

Will peers up at him for a moment before quietly saying, “I never joined another one.” Mike meets his eye for a moment, then, threatened by the silence that follows, clears his throat and distracts himself with a particularly interesting notch in the wood paneling. “Did you guys find someone else?”

“No, no,” Mike assures him. “We haven’t touched any of this stuff. It’s not the same.”

A silence settles between them, one that neither seems to know how to navigate. But Will keeps his gaze steady on Mike, trying to breach some barrier, to fall back into their usual ways.

Something is different, though; it’s not uncomfortable, it never could be, but it’s something intimidating. Will seems more comfortable, at least; he’s not shying away from anything Mike throws at him.

And he tries to break the silence first. “Y’know - “

“Will,” Mike cuts him off, and he’s not sure what he’s saying, or where he’s going with it, but he knows he’s supposed to say this. His name. “I need you to know that I missed you.”

Will blinks at him, cocks his head. “I missed you too,” he says matter-of-factly.

The words are eating at him, right there on the edge of his mind, and Will looks almost concerned and now Mike just wants to drop it because that’s not what he wanted. But he can’t, not now. “I missed you the most.” It sounds so juvenile. “More than everyone else. I missed you before you even left. I just didn’t know how to say it.” He breathes in and out, focusing on Will’s cheeks, the tip of his nose, anything but his eyes. When Will doesn’t say anything, the rest just spills. “I missed you when our first first day of school apart came and passed, and I didn’t even call. I missed you at homecoming. And,” he licks his lips, not really sure where his speech is heading, “I know you had to go, it’s fine. We’ll figure it out. But I feel like we haven’t been on the same page in a long time. So, I missed you, and I love you, and that’s that.”

Will looks at him funny, and then his face softens into something like laughter, and Mike is genuinely about to run and throw up somewhere, but then the boy closes his eyes and says, “I love you too.”

Mike blanches. “I don’t think I said that.”

“Oh, you definitely did.”

“Oh,” he nods, mind spinning, “well, you know…”

Will stands to be at Mike’s level, leans forward on his knees. Mike stops breathing. “I do,” he says, “but tell me again.”

Mike swallows down a breath of courage and suggests, “I think I might like you.” His eyes flit to Will’s lips, then back to his eyes. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll allow it,” Will says, a bright smile causing lines near his eyes. Mike smacks at his arm, nervous laughter coming out with a quiet, ‘Shut up.’ Will moves so he’s resting his fingertips on the table. Inches away.

“Same page, then?” Mike asks.

“Same page, yeah, for sure.”

Mike nods absently, distracting himself with the strings on Will’s sweatshirt. “So I don’t sound crazy?”

Will laughs. “I dunno. I always counted on us going crazy together. Figured we might have a few extra years, but hey, I’m all in.”

And then Mike is flashed back to a night on his couch just over a year ago. Knees knocking together, shared smiles. A promise.

So much has changed.

He wants to know what Will meant. A future of being in each other’s lives, maybe, getting old and senile and batshit crazy. Always being there.

He never dared to think about it before.

“So what now?”

Will shrugs. He dips his head to meet Mike’s eyes with his own. “What do you want, Mike?”

And finally, he thinks he might know.

Or maybe he’s always known.

He scoots forward, takes Will’s face in his hands, and kisses him. It’s just a quick press of their lips, but in that moment, he knows a few things for sure. His heartbeat is going a mile a minute, and Will must be able to feel it; it’s absolutely exhilarating, surreal, insane that he’s kissing his best friend; and, he is definitely in like, or maybe love, with Will Byers.

He’ll probably love him forever.

When Mike pulls back and his eyes flutter open to see Will, flushed, blinking back at him, slightly dazed, he doesn’t want to pull away at all. He did that. Mike’s hand remains on his jaw, lax, and he runs his thumb along Will’s bottom lip, curious to see his reaction, curious about a lot, now.

Will lets out a breathy chuckle. “Wow,” he mumbles, “that’s new.”

“Yeah.” Mike exhales shakily, takes one of Will’s hands, and says, “Merry Christmas, Will.”

“Yeah, Merry Christmas.”

The world doesn’t seem to fall apart like Mike thought it might if he ever got to this point, so, that’s nice.

“So…” Mike begins carefully, “you’re gonna have to be slow with me here. This is sort of a lot for me.”

“Me too,” Will replies simply. He squeezes Mike’s hand. “But we’ll figure it out.”

“Totally.”

Will takes his cheeks in his hands and smiles into a very gentle kiss, his fingers curling into the hair at the nape of Mike’s neck. It’s soft and sweet and lingering - but not for too long, as moments later the door upstairs busts open and shouts of, “BYERS!” from their dear friends sound through the air, and Mike and Will jump apart, equally startled and laughing.

“Down here!” Will calls out. He looks at Mike, smiles, offers, “To be continued?” and as he walks past, he leans in, just to leave a quick peck on Mike’s cheek.

And all Mike can do is laugh and shake his head and run after him to meet their friends; Lucas and Dustin are horribly late to the surprise, but they collide into Will the second they see him, shouting over each other, ‘What’s going on, dude?’ ‘Merry Christmas!’ ‘You’ve missed so much,’ and everyone is grinning and chattering, and it’s awesome.

Max approaches him, watching all of the madness, smacks a hand to his shoulder, and says, “You did good, Wheeler.”

“Yeah, I did.” She punches his arm lightly, laughing, so he adds, “thank you for everything. Seriously.”

“I think we should work together more often.”

Mike scoffs into a laugh, and says, “Yeah, guess so.”

Max rolls her eyes, but at least now they’re actually laughing in each other's company. It’s great progress from just a few weeks ago.

After a minute of watching the boy’s shenanigans, Max smiles. “Well, Merry Christmas, anyway.”

“Merry Christmas,” he responds, and he watches as she jumps up onto a kitchen stool, chatting and giggling with El.

With everyone back together again, finally, Mike feels really alive; so, he jumps in with all the excited shouting and group hugs and bickering, and celebrates the merriest Christmas he can remember in a long time.

#stranger things #hawkinsholidayhiatus #tuserjake #byler #byeler #mike wheeler #will byers #fanfiction #playlist #ik it might be a lil cheesy/dorky BUT i hope it makes u smile it was written w a lot of love <3 #mine

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teenwolffan-with-nolife · 3 years

Text

The Witch and The Wolf Pt.44

Word Count: 2,497

Characters: Derek Hale, Isaac Lahey, Rafael McCall (mentioned), Chris Argent (brief), Demon!Reader

Pairings: Eventual Derek Hale x Witch!Reader

Warnings: angst, some minor characters death, actual shitty writing

A/N: this is like third-person omniscient sort of but not rly i guess

A/N 2: blech, I still have writer’s block so sorry for this one :/

Masterlist Series Masterlist

“(Y/N), it’s me, again. Call me back if you get this,” there was the 10th voicemail left by Derek, calling you once again.

Stiles was at Eichen House, Scott, Isaac, and Allison were trying to look for some sort of scroll, talking about exorcising the nogitsune out of Stiles. Derek and Chris sat handcuffed in cells, while the entire police department was out looking for you. The two of them stayed there for the day before being released. Derek still had no idea where you were.

Your cellphone soon became out of service, no way of contacting you at all.

“Derek!” Isaac ran into the loft frantically, snapping Derek’s attention away from you for a brief moment.

“What? What is it?”

“(Y/N)’s a demon,” he started.

“What?” Derek tensed up, clenching his jaw as he uncrossed his arms.

“How do you know?” he asked, running to Isaac.

“Because Agent McCall sent deputies out to go look for her, three of them supposedly died from a heart attack,” Isaac explained.

Damn it, Derek thought.

“Well, we need to trap her,” Derek said.

“How?”

“Help me find her spellbook. There’s a way to trap her until we figure out something else…” Derek started, before frowning.

“What book?” Isaac watched as Derek ran across the loft anxiously, looking for an old book of yours. The only possession of yours left.

“(Y/N) planned out a way to trap herself, until we found a cure. It’s in one of her old spell books, but I can’t remember where it is. It has to be somewhere here,” Derek shook his head.

“Well, let’s say we find the book. Do you have an actual plan?” Isaac crossed his arms.

Derek paused, leaning against the counter in distress before frowning, hearing his phone ringing.

“Hello?” he answered.

“I've been trying to get in touch with (Y/N) for some time now. I found a cure,” Derek tensed up, picking up the call from Deucalion.

He looked at Isaac, before putting the phone on speaker.

“What do we need to do?” Derek asked.

“Here’s what needs to happen…”

---

You walked alone in the woods, humming a soft melody as your eyes were black.

You stopped in your tracks, sensing someone behind you and you raised an eyebrow, turning around.

“Yes, officer?” you recognized his badge.

“(Y/N), you have to come with me,” he started.

“Praefoco,” you rolled your eyes, watching him stop in his words, gasping for air as he fell to his knees.

You laughed softly to yourself, walking away from the collapsed body on the floor.

You had killed four more people, experimenting in different ways you could kill people, with your heightened powers. Everything felt better, everything felt free. You didn't have a single care in the world and you loved it.

You stood in front of the Sheriff’s station, using your magic to listen in as you tried to make out who was in there.

“Just find her. I don’t care what it takes,” you heard his voice, hearing him put the phone down.

He was all alone inside. Half the department was out, looking for his mysterious masked stabber, while the other half was looking for you and other missing deputies. A shame they’d only find their bodies.

You could feel more and more anger flood your veins as you took a step, walking into the empty station.

You spotted Agent McCall, sitting alone on his desk as he looked at the paperwork.

You opened your mouth before taken by surprise, feeling some wrap their arm around your waist, pulling you back.

Your eyes glew black as you pushed him off of you, seeing Derek standing behind you.

“Come with me,” he said.

“Oh, you found me. Great,” you said sarcastically.

“Yeah, I did. Now come with me,” he wrapped a pair of handcuffs on your wrists, pulling you out of the police station.

“What the hell are these? What the hell are you doing to me?” you tried to use your powers, trying to break free, but finding yourself unable to do so.

“Yeah, they're spelled. We’re gonna cure you, (Y/N),” he held onto your arm tightly, walking with you as you laughed bitterly.

“Yeah, not possible,” you rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, well Deucalion found something,” Derek said.

“You’re boring,” you sighed.

He ignored your remarks, taking you to the woods.

---

“You killed four people?” you sat in a chair, your hands and legs tied up behind you. There was a devil’s trap on the ground.

“Is that judgment in your voice, babe?” you scoffed.

“Those four people were innocent,” he shook his head.

“Oh, don’t give me that crap. Like you've never ruined an innocent life before,” you rolled your eyes.

“That's-” he started.

“That bus driver was innocent. That witch was innocent. Paige was innocent. Erica was innocent. Boyd was innocent. Don’t judge me for killing when you’ve killed too,” you glared at him, seeing his face drop slightly as he turned his back to you.

“That’s different,” he said.

“No, it really isn’t,” you made a fake pouty face as he walked over to you, holding a syringe in his hand.

“What the hell is that?” you asked.

He put his hand on your head, pulling it to the side as he stuck the needle into your neck, while you screamed out.

“It’s blood. It’s holy blood, and it’s the only way to cure you,” he replied.

You breathed heavily, slumping in your chair as your eyes glew black.

“You’re gonna regret that,” you yelled.

“Yeah, okay,” he crossed his arms, leaning against the wall as he sighed, looking down at you.

Several thoughts brown through his head, praying that this would work and that you would be okay. He already knew what would happen when you came to, all the nightmares, remembering all the people who you killed as they haunted your dreams.

“Derek,” you whispered.

He looked up at you, raising an eyebrow as he frowned, seeing your eyes water.

“(Y/N)?” he asked softly.

“Derek,” you sniffled.

He tensed up, seeing a tear slip down your face as he ran to you, putting his hands on your shoulders.

“I-I didn’t… I thought I’d need to do that a couple of times, i-is it… are you okay?” he immediately asked.

“Just get these off of me,” you said.

He stroked your cheek softly, before frowning.

Crap, he knew

“Derek, take these off of me,” you said.

“I almost fell for it,” he scoffed, before walking away from you.

“Ugh, I was close, wasn’t I? But really, that’s all it took? A tear? Weaker than I thought, Hale,” you smirked.

He picked up his book, leaning against the wall once more.

It was going to be a long night.

---

“Why do you care so much about getting me back? New and improved right here,” you laid back in the chair, leaning your head back.

“Improved? People are dead,” he walked to you, holding yet another syringe in his hand.

It was obvious that he wanted out of there. Tired of putting up with your tormenting remarks about him. You never seemed to give him a break, continuously insulting him. He tried to tell himself that you didn't mean it, it was the demon talking. You loved him and you would never say that stuff to him. As time went on, it became harder and harder for him to convince himself. But he still wasn’t going to leave you to suffer.

“Everything that you claim is wrong with me, is entirely your fault,” you said as he froze.

“What do you mean?” he stiffened.

“I lost control because of you. I killed my dad because of you. This whole thing started because of you. Don’t you remember that night? When I came to your loft? Don't you remember what you said to me?” Derek felt instant regret in his heart, remembering.

“You told me you never loved me, we only got together because we were lonely. Well, you were right, Derek. I never loved you. I never forgave you. We weren't meant to last.”

Derek ran his fingers through his hair, trying to hold in his emotions as he tried not to let your words get to him.

“I didn't mean what I said. I was under a spell,” he started, lowering his voice.

“That spell cost lives. That spell widowed a woman and orphaned her children,” Derek frowned, slightly confused.

“What the hell are you talking about?” he asked.

“Oh, right, I didn’t tell you. Yeah, my dad got remarried! To someone else, and he had some more kids. He left us in the dust, all alone, all fucked up,” you laughed softly.

“You didn't tell me that-” he started.

“Probably because I don’t still don’t trust you,” you shrugged.

“That’s not…” Derek was at a loss for words as he looked down at you.

“You broke my heart, Derek. You broke me. I won’t be able to trust you again,” you looked at him, giving him an annoyed look before smirking.

“Oh, I’m getting to you, aren’t I? You know I'm right, Derek,” you laughed bitterly.

He clenched his jaw, grabbing your head as he stabbed the syringe into your neck, hearing you scream out in pain as he dug his nails into his palm.

He pushed away from you harshly, immediately leaving the room before a tear fell from his eyes, letting out a shaky breath.

She doesn't mean it he tried to convince himself, but it didn't matter. Deep down he knew you were right, he never wanted to admit it to himself. You would be better off without him.

---

Derek’s head shot up, hearing a loud noise of something crashing. He ran into the house, immediately running to you, hearing someone yelling.

Isaac, he recognized.

You stood over him, as he dropped to his knees in front of you, struggling to breathe.

“(Y/N)!” he ran to you, grabbing the handcuffs before you pushed them away from him.

“I warned you,” your eyes were pitch black as Isaac whimpered softly, falling over to his side, unconscious. Derek could hear a faint heartbeat, knowing Isaac was alive.

You whispered something softly, as Derek struggled to move, finding himself pinned against the wall.

You grabbed the pocketknife, which sat on the table as you walked to Derek slowly.

“I’ve been wanting to do this for so long,” you held the knife against his throat as he clenched his jaw, looking down at you.

“Don’t do this (Y/N). I know you’re still in there somewhere. The real you, not this demon bitch,” he took a deep breath.

“I am (Y/N), Derek. This is me. I’ll save you the trouble of having to see me like this anymore,” he winced softly, feeling the blade break into his skin, drawing blood.

“Yeah, maybe not,” Derek heard Isaac’s voice, as he took a needle, stabbing it into your neck.

You dropped the knife, as Derek gasped for air, falling to his knees. Your eyes reverted back to their natural color, as your body went limp, falling over.

Isaac reached for Derek, helping him up before wrapping his arms around him, taking Derek by surprise. He stiffened first, before wrapping his arms around Isaac’s shaking body.

---

You squinted your eyes, groaning softly as you sat up, looking around cautiously.

Memories came flooding as your eyes watered, remembering everything.

“(Y/N),” you heard Derek’s voice as you jumped slightly, looking back at him in shock.

A son escaped from your mouth, before he wrapped his arms around you, pressing his lips to your head, trying to calm you.

“I-I’m so sorry,” you cried.

He remained quiet, his eyes red as he felt a tear stream down his cheek.

“I’m sorry.”

---

Your mind drifted off, remembering the events from the past day as you sat on Derek’s bed, wrapping your arms around yourself.

He lent you a shirt, seeing as all your other clothes were gone.

“Derek,” you said softly as he walked into the room.

He inhaled softly, sitting down next to you.

“Please, just say something,” your voice wavered slightly.

“I have nothing to say,” he whispered.

“I know you do. Just, please,” you begged.

“I just…” his voice drifted off as he shook his head.

“Derek,” you put your hand on his shoulder.

“We need to stop this,” he said, running his fingers through his hair as he turned to face you.

“Stop what?” you said, although you already knew the answer.

“This isn’t good for us anymore, I think we should call it,” Derek’s eyes watered slightly as he stood up, looking down at you.

“Derek, no-” you started.

“I love you, (Y/N), you know that I love you. But, I don’t… I don’t think you’ve ever loved me as much as I love you,” his voice was low as he looked away from you.

“No, Derek, I-I swear that’s not true,” you shook your head.

“(Y/N),” he started.

“It’s not true, you have to believe me. E-Everything I said, I didn't mean it, I swear,” your voice wavered as you looked up at him.

“You didn't say anything that wasn’t true,” he rubbed his eyes as he looked back at you.

“Derek,” you started.

“J-Just listen to me, (Y/N),” his voice broke as he looked at you.

“We don’t work together. We always argue, there’s always something in between us. We tried to tell ourselves we could get past it, but we can’t,” he said.

“We can get past it. We just have a few problems to work out,” you sniffled.

“Do you trust me?” he asked softly.

“W-What do you mean? O-Of course I do,” you let out a soft chuckle, trying to hide your tears as you frowned.

“Don’t lie to me, please (Y/N). Do you or do you not trust me,” he asked again.

“Derek, I do,” you replied, more and more tears streaming down your face.

“Then why didn't you tell me any of this before? About your dad and his family? That it was my fault you killed him in the first place?”

You bit your lip, holding back your cries as you shook your head, putting your hand over your mouth.

“Exactly. You need to… You need to go,” he whispered, looking away from you.

You could feel your heart aching, feeling your head pounding as more and more tears rushed to your eyes, blurring your vision.

You pushed yourself out of his room, running away.

---

You knocked at Chris’ door softly, blinking back your tears as he gave you a concerned look, opening the door.

“(Y/N)? Where have you been?” he asked.

Your vision blurred as more tears came to your eyes

“C-Can I stay with you?” you cried softly.

He nodded his head, wrapping his arms around you before leading you into the apartment.

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xtodorcki · 3 years

Text

“Stars Aligned,” Ch 6

This is my fanfic on wattpad on @/ xTodorcki, there are currently 11 chapters posted on there and I’m slowly posting them here🥰

A/N: just a warning, you know how high school parties go🤧 a lil bit of alcohol intake, prob more dirty talk than usual, prob some drug intake— most likely only marijuana. if that bothers you, might want to skip this chapter, not much is going to be missed if you do unless you want to see some Y/N x Bakugou action🤭 Thank youuu.

Your feet had made its way to the front of Yaoyorozu's house but you were hesitant to actually go up the steps to the front door. Her house was massive and you had to sit there in awe at it, definitely twice or even three times bigger than yours. You couldn't even imagine living in a huge house just with your dad.

You held onto your bag, finally having the courage to walk up and before you could knock on the door, it was swung open by Yaoyorozu, catching you by surprise.

"Oh hey! Come in." You stepped inside, looking around the house and seen most of the classmates in the other room.

You had second thoughts about being here, you were never the type of person to be open and thrilled about going to a party. At your old school, you had a few friends sure and there were a couple of hang outs/sleep overs but never went to a party where it had more than 10 people in it.

The bag you were holding was dropped on the floor by the door along with your shoes being kicked off your feet. You followed your classmate to the next room and said hello to everyone but Bakugou, of course, didn't say much.

You decided to be a pain and sit beside him, purposely bumping shoulders with him as you got comfortable between Bakugou and Kirishima. The small laugh couldn't help but leave your lips when you heard him mumble under his breath and try to scoot away, the couch being right from the amount of people squished together on it.

The evening went by pretty fast, the many pizza boxes were spread out across the living room and it was already getting late but it didn't bother you, which was surprising considering when you go to someone's house, you would be quick to leave by the time it hits dark but oddly enough, you felt comfortable here.

"Alright, now that it's getting dark- the real fun can begin." You glanced over at Mineta, who even invited him? You thought to yourself but this was a class 1A type party so not surprising that he would be here even without an invite.

"I hate to agree with him but we did bring games and other stuff." Denki had grabbed his bag and the cheesy grin on his face said it all, he was quick to pull out bottles of alcohol. You were caught off guard with how this took a quick turn but you were aware of the possibilities of a small high school party.

"I'm down if everyone else is." Yaoyorozu shrugged, grabbing one of the bottles out of his hands and spun the cap off.

"Maybe we should do a drinking game? Could make it more fun. Spin the bottle? That would make things interesting but could make people wasted if they decline to kiss which I'm sure most of you would." She explained, humming to herself and you sunk back into the cushions, what did I get myself into.

"Or! We could do truth or dare or shot, same as truth or dare but if you refuse to do the truth or dare, you drink." Denki spoke after she did and they got into a whole conversation about games and you started to grow nervous. This could get real awkward or real heated a little too fast and that's what made your palms sweat a bit.

You've tried alcohol, sure, if you consider stealing a sip from your dads stash then spitting it out in the sink. It wasn't a pleasant taste and now you would have to act like you actually enjoy it to not look like a wuss here.

"Are you sure we should be doing this guys? What if we somehow get caught?" Midoryia finally spoke up and even though you would hate to agree with your anxiety filled friend, you were also worried about the possibilities that could somehow happen.

"Quit being a baby! We're fine and this house is empty, it'll be fun!" Ashido had tried to reassure Midoryia but you could tell he still had that look of concern written on his face.

"Are you losers going to start or what?" Bakugou's evil grin was spread across his face, you weren't surprised at his excitement about this, he was always wanting to do something he probably shouldn't.

"Okay, we'll just start off with the truth, dare or shot first then get to the rest once we've all had our shots." Denki brought up, making everyone sit in pretty much a circle on the living room floor.

You stayed by the couch between Kirishima and Bakugou, instead on the floor with your backs pressed against the couch. Your palms were growing even more sweaty, you couldn't believe how nervous you actually were but the thought of your dad finding out was pretty scary to say the least and his punishment would definitely be hardcore training which you hated.

"I'll go first and since Midoryia is so scared, he's getting the heat first." Kaminari laughed, watching the pure panic on his face.

"Deku, truth or dare." He started off.

"Easy, truth."

"Easy? Who said I'm making this easy?"

You knew where this was going to lead to and you couldn't help but laugh at his reaction and him almost pissing his pants trying to figure out what he was going to tell him to do.

"Since you wanted truth, I want you to look around and tell us which girl you would want to date." Denki was evil, he knew deep down that Deku would panic and probably turn bright red. He also knew that Uraraka had a crush on Midoryia- you were sure the whole class knew actually.

"I- um, I don't know, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings." He began to panic and overthink the question a little too much and it was entertaining to see his eyes wonder around the room trying not to make eye contact.

"Come on! No ones feelings are going to get hurt, it's a harmless game... unless you want to take a shot?" Denki smirked, pouring a shot and sliding it across the small coffee table towards him.

It took Midoryia about five minutes and people shouting at him to decide, his panic mindset made him spiral and take the shot without realizing what he did. The look of disgust on his face made the whole room laugh as he tried his best to swallow and grab a soda, drowning down the strong bitter taste.

"Okay, Deku, your turn to ask away."

"Um, okay."

Two hours have passed and you were thankful the questions that were given weren't too much. Some were to the point where you have taken a couple of shots but altogether the whole class has taken a couple and this is where you knew things were gonna take a turn.

"Ok, I want to make things more fun. Uraraka, truth or dare." Yaoyorozu smirked at her and your eyes went wide when Uraraka had chosen dare, her first time doing so tonight.

"Okay, I dare you to kiss one of the guys, your choice but I think we all know who the obvious choice is here."

Everyone looked at Uraraka, some of the guys being dramatic and causing a scene with their quiet "oooos" and "Deku's up"

You could tell she grew quiet and nervous, she could take a shot but even you could tell that she's taken enough and on the look of her face, she didn't want to take anymore considering she almost threw up from the last shot she had to take.

She got on her feet, everyone cheering her on and your eyes trailed over to Midoryia who was trying to play dumb at the game, trying to convince himself that it wasn't him that she was going to go kiss.

And he was right, her feet made their way over to the opposite direction of Midoryia and soon, everyone's attention was on her as she stood in front of.... Bakugou???

Your eyes grew wide, looking beside you at him as he furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head repeatedly at her.

"I know damn well you're not choosing me." He stared at her, his red eyes seem to get more fiery red as her face drained with color with how much of a pain he's being.

"Trust me, I don't have a crush on you but your the only guy that won't make this weird." She leaned down, whispering under her breath towards him and he scoffed under his breath as well.

"What makes you think I want to kiss you? Out of everyone here? You? Are you an idiot?" Katsuki was fighting back and to your surprise, she didn't care and was quick to smash her lips on his and pull back less than a second later and made her way back to her spot.

You were quiet and you looked at his face, him growing red and you couldn't tell if he was mad or blushing but the small pit in your stomach, the hint of jealously that haunted over you made you want to leave and go home. It's not that you liked Bakugou, you actually hated him at times but the other times you two surprisingly got along.

The small hint of jealously that was held over your head like a dark rainy cloud was painful to even feel because there was no feelings towards Bakugou in that way, maybe it was just because Uraraka is definitely not his type and out of all the guys, she chose Katsuki.

"Uraraka, your turn."

"Oh- yeah, I guess I'll choose Bakugou then. Truth or dare."

"Dare, I'm not a wuss like the rest of these guys."

"Ok, dare. I dare you to... to..."

"Kiss Y/N! A real kiss, none of that fake pecking shit." Yaoyorozu cut Uraraka off and your eyes almost popped out of their sockets as you glared at her for even suggesting that. He just kissed Uraraka and now they want him to kiss me?????

The anger was evident on your face, Yaoyorozu knew what she was doing with this because just by the look of your face minutes before— she could tell you felt a bit jealous of Uraraka but not for the reason she thinks and that's what made you boil inside.

"Kiss this idiot? Seriously? What is it with you girls and fucking kissing?" Katsuki grew annoyed and you somewhat agreed with him, what was it about these people and kissing?

Uraraka and Bakugou weren't even the first pair to share a kiss. Just 30 minutes ago, Ashido was dared to kiss Sero which she did and now the more drinks people have, the more kissing there is.

"Y/N hasn't had any action yet! C'mon, don't be lame and kiss." Yaoyorozu argued back and this made your face heat up in embarrassment and anger.

Bakugou had glanced over at you, he was angry and you could tell. Your eyes had met but you were quick to turn away from his intense stare.

"You guys are assholes." You said aloud, shaking you head as you reached over and grabbed a shot glass, about to pour yourself one before taking the whole bottle up to your lips and took a few gulps before setting it down.

"I hate every single one of you, remember that." You mentioned again, your eyes turning to meet his again as your palms grew sweaty.

"Just know, I'll hate this more than you." Katsuki said and you shook your head.

"Doubt that. Why not just take a shot if you hate me that much?"

"I don't want another shot."

"Then why are you complaining?"

"Just shut up you idiot so we can get this over with."

"God, you piss me off, Katsuki." You rolled your eyes at him, he was either stalling or debating on taking that shot instead but it was annoying you.

"You piss me off more, don't flatter yourself."

"Oh c'mon! The tension between you two is begging for a make out session, hurry up!" Kirishima laughed and nudged you closer to Bakugou and you groaned at how stuck you were in this situation.

"Quit pressuring me, dumb ass!" Bakugou yelled and you could practically see the steam coming from his ears.

His eyes tried not to look at you but couldn't help but to make eye contact and the annoyance in the sigh he let out was loud and you started to grow uneasy and had a feeling of guilt.

Bakugou felt angry but in many different ways. He wasn't angry at you, he was more angry at these idiots for pressuring a kiss between the two of you. He doesn't like you, he never even considered liking you or kissing you but something he'll never admit is that you two did have a minor friendship there, only reason being is because he somewhat appreciated your presence after the sports festival and that's the only reason why.

Now he sat there in front of you, not wanting to go through with this stupid idea of a drinking game. He already had a handful of shots, he wasn't thrilled to take another but he wasn't thrilled to do the dare with you.

He had thought about just taking the shot and getting this dumb game over with but the thought of taking another drink of that disgusting alcohol Denki calls delicious makes him want to gag.

His red eyes stayed on yours, as if he was thinking a little too hard. He wasn't stupid, he knew why they were doing this to the both of them. Even he could tell minutes ago that you had tensed up beside him when Uraraka kissed him, even if it was a harmless peck.

Now, he wouldn't have ever done that if he was dared to kiss any of the girls here. He had standards and no one in this class was his type but the only bearable one he could somewhat handle was you.

He hated to think about it and he especially hated you deep down.

Bakugou was growing impatient, with himself because he was holding himself back from getting it over with but he just felt some type of way where he didn't even want to do this shit anymore or even be here.

As he sucked in his pride and stupid ego, his eyes staring right through your colored ones as if he was trying to read your thoughts and he hesitated before grabbing a hold of your face.

His hands were surprisingly soft but rough at the same time, he started to mumble curse words under his breath and talking about how much he hated the class and how stupid they all are.

All while his face inched closer and closer.

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honey-hippie-harper · 3 years

Text

through the bleeding shell (Re-upload)

This was @obsidianfr3sk ‘s Feel Better gift asfghadsfghadfsghja. It turned out to be pretty depressing in the end bc idk how to write happy stuff but my good intentions were there, ok?

This is a Humon/Renegays fic :’). Which, basically, is about how the Renegays didn’t kiss during the trilogy...sort of. I can’t think of an specific reason why they didn’t besides bad writing and queerbaiting, but I’ve always seen Hugh as this...detached entity. Idk x’d. He shows a pretty dense attitude. And so, I thought that it was partly the reason why they’re not that affective during the trilogy. Not that they aren’t on a daily basis. I just think their relationship was in a bad place when the events happened, because, among other things, Hugh wasn’t grieving Georgia in a healthy way (I headcanon them as best friends </3) and wouldn’t allow Simon to help him.

idk why I felt the need to talk about that.

tag list (tell me if you want to be in or out): @healing-winston-pratt @obsidianfr3sk @nodrianbcyes @alecjamesartino @everyone-has-a-nightmare @razzmooncake

through the bleeding shell

Being around someone for so long…

It allowed you to know things. Some of them important.

Others, not so much.

Simon had married a person he had been around his entire life; he had slept next to him almost every single day since he was very young. And his name was Hugh Everhart.

Simon knew every spot on Hugh’s body; he knew every mole, every random sun freckle here and there; how his body mass seemed to be well-distributed at plain sight but, in reality, his chest was naturally wider than the rest of his body, as if he had been born with the figure of a baseball player; how he scratched his nose because wrinkling it so much while laughing made it itchy; he knew the way his knuckles turned yellow when he turned them into a fist; he knew there was one single scar below his rib cage area…

He knew everything he had to know about Hugh Everhart, his husband, whom he loved so much that sometimes it hurt.

Yet, Simon was yet to know how and why, lately, he was so cold, despite still being a human furnace who was sometimes annoyed by the blanket on winter nights.

Kasumi frowned, and Simon wished she were misunderstanding, but whatever thing she was thinking, she was probably right.

Cold was a pretty wide term, which could basically mean anything. Being brutally honest, not even he knew what he was trying to convey by using that word, so he supposed he was referring to anything it could express, as a whole.

Thinking about it… yeah.

That option sounded about right.

Another thing that sounded about right, was the idea of Kasumi judging him because of it, which was something Simon knew wasn’t true and, instead, it was just his anxiety trying to ruin his day even more. But sometimes things were like that. He tried to avoid it, but never managed to do such thing. Ever.

“Not to be rude or anything.” She started, but before proceeding she seemed to realize that, maybe, that hadn’t sounded as intended, and her cheeks became extremely flushed, until Kasumi looked like she had ran under the burning sun while wearing a wool sweater for hours. “Really, Si. I don’t mean to be rude. As in...I’m...telling you this...so you think…”

She clicked her tongue, and then both Tamaya, who was also in the room, and him, stared at her as she talked to herself under her breath, making a couple of hand movements, as if she were writing her sentence in the air so she could phrase it correctly.

Sometimes, when Kasumi was nervous, she tended to struggle at putting her ideas together in a gentle, polite manner.

“...I was telling you that, so you don’t think I’m trying to offend you or minimize your pain.” She corrected herself. “Yeah?”

“...Yeah.” Simon nodded.

“Well…” Kasumi rubbed her hands together, more as a distraction than as an actual mannerism. “You know I’ve...never understood. Back at home...when we all lived together and...ugh. You know? Just...don’t mind me. Tam, you tell him.”

“No, no. What you’re saying is important too.”

“I want to listen to you, Zoomie.”

Upon the two pairs of eyes in the room being fixated on her, Kasumi kept fidgeting with the paper cone she now had between her hands, absently.

“Fine.” She whispered in a breathy voice, and then she stared at Simon, who stared back, not because he wanted to be polite or something like that, but because he genuinely wanted to listen to her.

Kasumi wasn’t a talker. That wasn’t an exaggeration or an act of fake modesty. It was just that Kasumi didn’t enjoy a lot of things, and one of them was speaking, to the point where sometimes she didn’t consider it necessary. There were days when she just...didn’t feel like speaking. And she didn’t. Because she didn’t want to. Because she didn’t need to. Because people could understand her anyway.

Still, everyone was willing to listen when she felt there was something she had to explain in a way that was verbal.

“I love my husband very much.” She said, placing a lock of hair behind her ear. “But, still, sex it’s not...a huge part of our relationship because I’ve never understood. When you joked about it back at home, I would just assume you were just doing that. Joking. I...literally didn’t expect you were serious when you talked about experiencing that type of attraction. Because I didn’t. And it’s not that I think it’s repulsive or anything like that. I just don’t get what the fuss is about. When I’m with him...it’s...usually not my first option. To think about that, I mean. And he understands and respects that, which I appreciate a lot.”

The more she spoke, the more confident her tone became. It meant she was growing more comfortable with the conversation, and that her train of thought was getting itself together, nice and slowly.

As for Simon...he was strangely comfortable, too, because this felt like a mature, adult conversation to him. Like a safe space.

After all, he was serious when he told them he needed to talk (now that Evander wasn’t here, because Evander was...not very sensitive). Hence, he was very glad they were being serious about it too.

“I understand that Hugh’s not in the spectrum.” Kasumi cleared her throat. “But...sexuality is fluid. Maybe, if you were talking about only that, it could be a good idea to talk it over. Only if he wants to, of course, because you never know; again, we can’t just assume, because one cannot do that. It’s rude. But what I mean...it’s that, whatever that’s going on in his head, maybe he’s trying to figure it out by himself. It might have nothing to do with his sexuality at all, actually, because, after all, that was just a comment...but it all comes back to the same point. Maybe he just...needs time.”

“Hugh’s pretty dense, Simon.” Simon saw the steamy cup in front of him, but he didn’t realize what it was until the smell of black coffee reached his nostrils. He hadn’t even noticed Tamaya was making coffee.

“Thank you.” He whispered anyway, as Tamaya leaned against the table, putting her weight on her elbows.

For all he knew, and all he cared about, it was pretty easy for people to judge Tamaya and label her as a bad person; she was quiet, although not in the way Kasumi was. On the contrary, she was rather serious, and her resting face was more intimidating than it was warm or welcoming. She was also really bad at controlling her temper, which didn’t help at all, but she wasn’t as bad as people wanted to portray her, or as bad as the recruits talked about her in the halls. Because, when it came to the recruits, Tamaya was strict, yes.

But somebody had to be, because being a Renegade was not a game, and the great majority of the advice she gave was extremely useful and clever.

Tamaya was caring.

Deep, very deep down. But she was.

“He’s pretty dense, but…” She sighed. “Most of the time, that’s not his fault. It’s not a good thing either. It’s not healthy for him and we shouldn’t condone it...but yeah. He can be pretty dense sometimes. He’s like that, most of the time it’s not his fault but...I don’t think you should feel like it’s yours either.”

Simon couldn’t help but flinch a little.

The thing was...he knew that.

It might’ve sounded crazy coming from him, but he knew it wasn’t his fault, even if his anxiety was determined to convince him otherwise.

Also, he was one to know that one couldn’t just fix a person. That’s not how mental health worked; of course, a romantic relationship or a relationship of any kind was a huge source of support and stability, but he knew it wasn’t enough to “heal” a person.

He knew about that, just like he knew that Hugh loved him and he loved Hugh, but that didn’t mean they could fix each other. They could make it a little better, yes; hold each other when things were rough; let the other know they weren’t alone.

But…”fixing” the other.

Not really.

They were humans.

They were people.

And the only thing people could fix, were objects, not other people.

“Like Kasumi said, sexuality is fluid, but it might as well not have to do anything with that.” Tamaya continued. Her voice sounded...soothing, strangely motherly. And she was calm.

Very calm.

It reminded Simon of someone.

They both reminded him of someone.

“Hubby and I, we both experience sexual attraction. It’s an important part of our relationship, and we enjoy it, but sometimes it’s just not the right time. He’s a doctor, I’m a Renegade Council member, and we have three wonderful boys together. Sometimes we don’t have time, so we just sit by the balcony to stargaze, holding hands, or we go out on dates like high school sweethearts, and I stand by the doorframe waiting for him to tell me I look pretty.”

Simon laughed a little.

It was evident she was trying to play it off as something dumb, but he found it absolutely adorable.

“And sometimes I’m too tired or he’s too tired, and that’s normal. It’s not our fault, and it doesn’t mean that we love each other less because…”

“Having sex doesn’t define love.” Kasumi said, and Tamaya nodded.

“Exactly.”

But again.

Again.

Simon knew that.

He really knew.

Hugh and him had busy schedules too. They both were Renegade Council members, and Hugh had it worse because not only was he a member, but also the leader of the Council. He had to be everywhere, at the same time, and people tended to think that just because he was invincible, it meant he didn’t have the right to feel emotionally drained, or at least tired.

Of course he was going to be tired.

He wasn’t a robot.

Hence, Simon understood what they were trying to say, and he agreed with Kasumi and Tamaya.

But the problem was…

He wasn’t referring just to that.

It was...part of the problem, yes.

But now that he knew their opinion about it, he had come to the realization that he still felt...empty and lost. And just...frustrated.

“We’re not only talking about sex, are we?” Tamaya asked carefully, and Simon refused to stare back at her, as he took a sip from his coffee, before answering:

“I’m afraid not.”

“Well...If you’re telling us this, it’s because you do want to talk about it, right?”

“I do. Yes.”

“Well. We’re listening.”

At the same time Tamaya spoke, a cold, little hand, laced between Simon’s.

A hand that felt like the sea and, even if he hadn’t known she was the only person in the room besides Tamaya and him, he would’ve recognized it as Kasumi’s.

So Simon squeezed her hand back.

“We’re listening, Si.” She confirmed. “We’re here for you.”

He knew that, and it was something he was extremely grateful about.

Now he just had to figure out how to put into words what he was feeling, because at this point it felt impossible for him to know.

There were just...so many things, but at the same time such a limited number of details he could recall.

It just felt...unreal.

And weird.

Very weird.

But Simon didn’t feel numb, unlike anyone would’ve expected from him.

In fact, he felt so sad he couldn’t even cry.

And it was the worst feeling ever.

“I don’t know.” He said, in a hoarse voice. “I just...don’t know anymore. It’s just...I…”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know.” He clarified. “...But maybe that’s why I don’t know what it is.”

For the shortest second, Simon came to the realization he was talking to himself instead of talking to them, or perhaps it was something that, deep down, was giving him the answer to why this whole situation was making him so uneasy and upset. Like, of course it was making him this upset. It was his husband they were talking about. Hugh was his fight. Hugh was…

Simon didn’t know.

But what he did know was that, maybe, it had nothing to do with himself, and that’s why he just couldn’t…

He just couldn’t understand.

Why couldn’t he understand?

Why did it have to be like this?

“I want to know what it is.” Simon took a deep breath, trying to make himself understood; trying to make them understand what he couldn’t. “...So I can...make it better...So I can...help him. So we can...look for help together.”

Simon scratched his brow with his free hand.

“But he’s just… so cold. He doesn’t talk to me. He doesn’t come closer. He doesn’t...do anything. We don’t do anything. And I can’t help but feel like...he’s not here, even though he’s…” Simon scoffed, painfully. “...He’s right there, in front of my face.”

His eyes became fixated on a blank point, as if he were staring at an invisible Hugh, who wasn’t staring back at him.

“And I want him to...tell me. Because if he doesn’t tell me, then I have no way to know what’s wrong. And if I don’t know what’s wrong...then I don’t know for how long I can take it, you know? It’s just...I can’t bear to stand there as he pushes me away.”

Kasumi started running her thumb through his knuckles, and Simon felt Tamaya’s hands on his shoulders, massaging them, gently.

“I’m just scared...that when he finally wants me to come closer again, it might be too late...and maybe I won’t want to come closer again.”

Tamaya’s hands stopped moving for a moment, and Simon could almost feel her and Kasumi’s shock. He hadn’t even planned to say that. It just slipped.

And when Simon noticed it had slipped, it was far too late for him to hold it back.

“Maybe you should talk to him, after all.” Kasumi said, slowly, and Simon stared into her eyes.

He didn’t realize that was the thing he didn’t want to hear until he felt nothing but hopelessness.

Emptiness.

Fear.

A type of fear that became more intense in the moment they heard the door opening, and that’s when Simon saw him.

Hugh was standing right there, staring, and when his eyes laid on Simon, he arched an eyebrow, looking genuinely confused and worried.

“What’s happening here?” He asked. “...Si? Are you okay?”

Are you?

Simon didn’t want to answer. He really didn’t.

He didn’t want this to be about him.

He didn’t want Hugh asking him what was wrong if, harsh as it sounded, everything that was making him uncomfortable or upset had to do with him, not because Simon was blaming him, but because he was genuinely worried.

Let me help, Hugh.

“I’m...fine.”

Let me in.

“...Yeah. I’m...fine.”

Please, love.

Let me in.

Simon could see him hurting, but where he saw hurt, Hugh saw some type of burden that was meant to be concealed, committing treason against his own advice; dodging the sound of the voice of a younger Hugh, who guided a younger Simon through the dark, telling him it was alright.

That pain was alright.

And that pain didn’t make him less human.

Hugh’s pain, in particular, was a grey, bleeding shell that was so thick Simon couldn’t find a way to get in, and Hugh couldn’t find a way to get out.

So they just pressed their palms together through the bleeding shell, staring at each other's eyes through a polarized surface, that stopped their skin from touching, and stopped their lips from finding the other.

And the worst thing...was that Simon was craving that. He craved Hugh’s lips. He craved everything physical about him, just like he craved everything that wasn’t physical too. And he craved him so much he felt like dying every time he was close. He craved him so much it made him feel like a teenager again.

Which, in his case, wasn’t a good thing.

He wished it was.

But...teenage years weren’t fun if you had to spend them trapped in a closet. Things were never good when lived from inside a closet.

He didn’t want his life outside that closet to be like that too.

“Did you have an attack? ...Si, did you take your pills? … You did, right?”

“Hugh.” Simon heard Tamaya’s voice. “Is there...something that you needed?”

Hugh blinked, knowing that, maybe, he had interrupted something.

Mostly because it wasn’t like Tamaya was trying to hide it either.

“...Yeah.” He said, resting his arms on the nearest chair.

Tamaya pulled away from Simon, and Kasumi let go of his hand. They didn’t become fully focused, nor did they put on their “I’m working” mode either, but they did manage to...pretend. Even Simon managed to do so.

“Uh...I…” Hugh snapped his fingers in front of his own face, trying to remember what was it that he had to say.

“....Yeah.” He concluded. “Yeah. Uh… Tam. I need you to head downtown because they want you to supervise some of the floats for the parade. From...up, I mean. So you can check some of the details. I already checked from the ground and everything’s looking good, but now they want you to give them the green light.”

“Right now?”

“Preferably.” Hugh scratched his nose. “Were you...in the middle of something?”

Tamaya filled her cheeks with air, and then let it out, making a little trumpet with her lips.

“No.” She lied. “It’s fine. I’ll go. Just let me put some stuff in my locker, alright?”

“Be careful when you fly, okay? It’s kinda hot outside. If you get dizzy...”

“If I get dizzy, I’ll land. I know. I’m the one who’s flying.”

Given that she was already heading by the door, Tamaya patted his shoulder, and they said goodbye with a very polite kiss on the cheek, before Tamaya left the room completely, and Hugh drew his attention towards Kasumi.

“Margaret White is acting out.”

Kasumi frowned. Deeply.

“Margaret...what?”

“Uh. White? You know? The Renegades’ ward? The kid?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know who Maggie is.” Kasumi waved her hands in front of her own face. “...Who named her that?”

“Who named her what?”

“White. Who on Earth…?” Kasumi clicked her tongue. “Nevermind, okay? Just...what did she do?”

“Zoomie, I had already told you.” Hugh laughed, confused.

“I thought you were being rude, Hugh.”

Margaret White was the Renegades’ protégé. Her powers consisted of detecting and attracting metals which, evidently, was not something that was out of this world. In fact, she had been recruited at such a young age not because she had extraordinary abilities, but because she was problematic as heck.

She was Max’s age, more or less but, unlike Max, Margaret had no chill.

Her life was ruined from the moment somebody saw her and decided that White was a suitable last name for her, Tamaya used to say.

Margaret’s skin was tan, and she had slanted eyes. Naming her “White” almost seemed like a tasteless joke.

Simon himself thought Hugh was just being disrespectful the first time he told him her name, and he had to hear it a couple of times before he just...accepted he was serious (and that Hugh himself didn’t seem to like the idea of her being named like that very much).

Maggie was really problematic. For real. She had been kicked out of a couple of orphanages already, and maybe she would have been kicked out of this one too, if it hadn’t been a prodigy orphanage, which happened to be under Kasumi’s management, meaning it was directly related to the Council. And they were supposed to make sure nobody got kicked out of there.

Simon liked Maggie, because he knew that there was a chance that everything she ever did had reason behind it. An emotional reason. Perhaps she wanted love. Perhaps she wanted attention.

Perhaps she just…

Wanted someone who didn’t give up on her at the minimum inconvenience.

So he just...tried not to.

Hard as it was, because Maggie tended to make it hard; Kasumi had tried to canalize her to a psychologist many times, but her response always was that “she wasn’t crazy” (perhaps because kids her age were mean and “crazy” was one of their favorite words to use as an insult) and...well...part of the process in children, was understanding when it was the right time and when it wasn’t.

Sometimes forcing kids into treatment made it worse, and Maggie was pretty mature for her age, while painfully childish at the same time. Respecting her space and giving her time was their only option, if they didn’t want to turn her into a ticking bomb.

“Are you for real? I’ve been addressing her like that for like…”

“Just tell me what the little bundle of joy did now.”

“Pff.” Hugh scoffed. “Bundle of joy.”

Then, he cleared his throat the moment Kasumi fixed a glare at him.

“Well...the usual. She stole something from one of the nannies, Carrietta Ferland saw her and she locked her in a cellar so she wouldn’t say anything.”

“She locked Carrietta Ferland in a cellar.” Kasumi rubbed her forehead, and before she left the meeting room, she squeezed Simon’s wrist.

She didn’t say goodbye to Hugh.

Simon didn’t, either, when he excused himself under the sort of cheap white lie he needed to wash his face.

-.-

But one could only wash their face so much, before their partner suspected.

When Simon didn’t come back, Hugh didn’t go after him. He never did at first.

As in…

Hugh always went after him, just not at first; over time, Simon had grown to accept it wasn’t a pride thing.

When Hugh left, he never wanted anyone to go after him, and he was the type to believe that just because he didn’t want something, it meant nobody wanted it; Simon had gotten used to it, because Hugh was his husband, and they accepted each other just like they were.

What Simon refused to accept, was the bleeding shell Hugh was inside of.

He hated it.

He despised it, especially at night. It would grow around Hugh in slow motion, and then he would bleed through, and the whole room would turn red, overflowing it with unspoken, suffocated anger and pain.

Hugh turned his back at Simon that night, so Simon turned his back at him too, not because he was mad, but because he didn’t feel like staring at Hugh’s back today.

Their room became as cold as an industrial fridge, as they both fell deep into the notion the other was not asleep, and that they both were listening to the sound of a room that was currently filled with deathly silence.

Deathly as the bone-chilling cold penetrating their limbs, their organs, and their everything.

Deathly as…

Deathly as feelings.

All the stored feelings, and the way Simon craved something he knew was right there.

Hugh was right there. Right next to him. And his body, which he knew so well, was laying next to him, turning his back at him, with every mole, every sun freckle, a chest wider than the rest of his body…

And one single scar below his rib cage.

The same rib cage that protected his heart.

Say something, Simon.

The same heart Simon had felt beating so many times.

Say something.

Anything.

Maybe…

Maybe this had a reason too.

An emotional reason.

Perhaps love. Or attention.

Say something. Anything.

Because you do go after people from the very first moment.

Slowly, as if he had never moved before in his life, Simon rolled to the other side, and as his trembling hand rested on Hugh’s arm, he became alert, awake as they both were, and he looked over his shoulder.

“Hugh?” Simon asked, the name leaving a familiar firm in his mouth that tasted like home.

He didn’t answer, because that was his name. Hence, he knew he was trying to talk to him.

“Come here, Hugh.”

And Hugh came over, hesitantly, rolling to his side too, as they faced each other, and Simon ran his finger through his face, just...exploring every spot he already knew, as if he were visiting his comfort place, of his favorite bench in the park.

His blue eyes seemed to shine in the darkness, and Simon felt he could’ve gotten lost in them and never come back.

But he didn’t get lost.

Because he had to find the love of his life first.

“I’m never giving up on you.” He whispered. “...you know that, right?”

Perhaps he didn’t.

But, on the other hand, perhaps he did. And Simon was left with nothing but the mere hope it had meant something.

“I’m never giving up on you either, Si.”

But Simon did know that.

Boy.

Did he know.

-.-

What he didn’t know, however, was the answer to the what.

He wondered what that had felt like.

He wondered what Nightmare had felt when, the morning after, she tried to shoot Hugh in the eye from a roof.

Not because he were mad at her.

No. Not really.

She was young after all.

He just wondered what she had felt.

#renegades trilogy #marissa meyer #my fanfics #dawnie writes #hugh everhart #captain chromium #simon westwood #the dread warden #humon #renegays

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words-for-holland · 4 years

Text

Happier (6) | T.H.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: A deep conversation between Tom & Y/N takes place. Tom offers a solution to Y/N’s problem, but does she take it?! Can Harrison convince her?

A/N: It’s a rather short chapter but a lot of Tom & Y/N action!! I absolutely love reading all your therories and comments! Thank you guys so much for reading & sticking around!

Betrayal

Its a vile word for the people you trusted your life with. Still in a state of shock, Y/N couldnt understand why Katie would have betrayed her like this. To think she was her best friend through thick and thin, always having each other’s back...it all seemed meaningless. Now here she was, packing up and trying to figure out where to go from here. London wasn’t an option and neither was the city with the rent being so high up.

As if her path was written by the stars, Tom had decided to call her the moment she started zipping up her bag. Y/N knew it wasn’t a good idea to answer, but it was almost instinctive in the moment. Truthfully, she needed someone. Someone to tell her it was going to be okay. “Hey, look. I know you probably hate me after the last time we talked on the phone like this, but I just wanted to say Im sorry.” Tom’s voice spoke softly through the phone as he let out a slight chuckle of nervousness.

Y/N smiled slightly as she listened to his voice. It was the most conforting thing she had heard, and could only imagine his voice wrapping around her to make her feel some sort of ease. “Yeah. No it’s um..it’s fine, really.” Y/N responds trying to calm her breathing after sobbing for the past hour.

“Yeah I guess, you were right. Maybe I was just jealous, because..I mean you already knownhow I feel. But you’re your own person so I can totally understand why you’d want to see new people. After all you broke up with me and—” Tom started getting more nervous as he continued to over explain his reasoning, but Y/N didnt seem to pay any attention as she lets out what was bothering her.

“Kate’s been crossing us.” She interrupts.

“Wait what? What do you mean?” Tom asks now more concerned, pushing the phone closer to his ear.

“She leaked information about Natalie staying thats where the rumors came from and she sent those pictures of Matt and I to Natalie’s publicist.” Y/N says as she closes her eyes.

Tom was more confused and in complete shock. Not understanding why Y/N’s most trusted best friend who do this to her. “Y/N...I dont know what to say..I’m sorry.” He replies, feeling defeated that there was nothing he could do, especially since she was so far away from him. Even if Y/N would have rejected his advances, he knew she needed him...now more than ever.

“Don’t be. It’s fine.” Y/N lies as she sits down on the bed, silently crying.

“No, it’s not Y/N. I know you’re hurting and I wish I could be there to do something about it.” Y/N smiles at his words. For every sad and painful moment, there would always be some sort of comfort. Tom was hers. For a moment...just one moment, she forgot about all the terrible things that happened. The betrayal, the rumors, Natalie. The moment felt like it was meant just for Tom and Y/N.

But not all moments last forever. Y/N’s phone went off, alerting her of a notification. In fear, she thought the unknown number was ready to leave another threat for talking to Tom, but it wasn’t. Though it was just a simple Twitter notification that came up, it showed that Tom and Natalie were out again on display for the Public. Casually flirting back and forth, with pictures of their social media interaction with each other. Her heart sank even more..if it was even possible.

He was still with her, even if it was pretend. Y/N thought back to when Natalie first arrived to stay with them, and how she slowly tried to flirt her way and spend time with Tom. She thought about how well they worked and looked good together, and how she left Tom saying “You’d be happier with her.” While it was all under the unknown’s plan to say those exact words, Y/N couldn’t help but feel some sort of truth to it. Certainly, she wasn’t happier with everything thats happened, but for Tom...at least he still had a chance to be happier with Natalie.

“Y/N? You still there?” Tom asked through the phone, when he didn’t hear Y/N say anything for a good while.

She shook her head to stop her thoughts as she replied, “Yeah...still here.”

“Oh okay. Good. I thought you hung up on me.” Tom laughs nervously. “Look, uhh maybe we should focus on what you’re gonna do. So do you have a place to stay?”

Y/N looks around as she sighs in defeat. “No. I’d find an apartment but the rent is so high here in the city especially for those that live alone, and I really dont feel like moving back in with my parents right now.”

Tom listened to her dilemma closely, when he offered without hesitation, “Come back here.”

“Tom, you know thats not an option nor a good idea for us. I told you we needed space, and I certainly don’t want to live under the same roof with a girl your fake dating at the moment.” She says in digust, voiced laced with anger.

“Calm down, Y/N. Im just offering you a solution and I could make sure you don’t see her. It’s a big house after all.”

“It’s not happening.” Y/N says quickly to end the dispute. Y/N stops to think about her other option, one Tom make not very well like. “Maybe I could ask Matt. I know he doesnt live too far from here.”

“Okay, now you’re being delusional. That’s definitely not happening.” Tom scoffs, as he thinks about the sickening idea. “I don’t want you near him.”

“You cant tell me what to do.”Y/N snaps at him. “Just like I’m not telling to stop being near Natalie, let alone enter a PR relationship.”

“Well at least Im being honest and open about it and not hiding it like an immature child.” Tom fires back. Y/N was at a loss with the way he responded to her. While she did keep it secret, deep down she knew it was for his own good..but he would never know. “Im sorry. I didnt mean it. It’s just...I wish you were more honest with me..with everything. It hurts you know.”

“Yeah..” Y/N whispers on the phone, feeling guilty and upset by where they’ve ended up. “I know. I’m sorry too. I want to be honest with you about everything but I cant for good reason.”

“No reason is good enough, if you have to keep secrets from people you love.” Tom says bluntly. “Look Im not gonna make you choose where you want to go from here. It’s your decision and life. Im just saying my door is always open for you...no matter how many times you hurt me.”

“It’s not your obligation Tom. I’ll be fine with whatever happens to me. I have to be, but thank you.” Y/N says as she bids him farewell.

As Y/N grabs her stuff and heads toward the door so do Harrison and Harry. “We booked a hotel for a night, if you want to stay with us.” Harry says as he tried his best to smile for her.

Y/N does in return and nods. “Yeah. Okay let’s go.”

Harry, Harrison, and Y/N made it to Aviary Hotel in silence. No one was sure what they should say to the other, when everything had gone to shit in the past month. Once everyone settled down, Harry decided to go down and grab food the group, while Harrison stayed to watch over Y/N in case she needed anything. “So, you told Tom, Im guessing?” Harrison asked, sitting across the other bed as he watched her intently.

Y/N nodded not saying anything as she brushed her hair avoiding eye contact. She thought for a moment deciding if she should tell him about what really happened in the phone conversation. “He and I fought..kinda I guess. I told him I didnt have a place to stay and he wanted me to stay with you guys, but I said it’s not a good idea and then I mentioned Matt, and everything went downhill from there.”

“Wait why not? Why can’t you stay with us?” Harrison asked.

Y/N gave him a look as if he didn’t know the reason already. His blue eyes shifting from surprise to realization. “Right, I forgot.” They sat in silence for a few seconds before Harrison interjects again. “You know, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. I know Natalie and the unknown number still poses a threat, not to mention risky, but it’d be unexpected for them.” He offered.

Y/N thinks hard about it, her brows furrowing. “Yeah okay...but how does this that make it any better knowing that Im living with my ex-boyfriend who is also living under the same roof with a girl that he’s fake dating not to mention your childhood friend, and may very well be the other person terrorizing me.”

Harrison looks at her as he rubs his face in embarassment. “Well..when you put it that way.”

“Harrison, you can put it in any other way you want, it’s still going to be a bad idea.” She says.

“Look just think about it, okay. Its a big house, and you can use the attic room upstairs if you dont want to see anyone and have schedules until we can sort all of this out. And if it bothers you that much I even have a friend that lives close by who also needs a roommate herself.”

Y/N looks at Harrison skeptically, as he weighs out her options. “You really out here trying to find a way to make me stay with you guys and leave home huh?”

Harrison smiles as he combs back his dirty blonde hair. “No, Y/N. This here?” He points out arms wide, gesturing to the room to represent New York. “It was your home. Your real home, whether you want to believe it or not, it’s with us back in London. I know everything has been rough between you and Tom, but we’re going to find a way. I promise.”

Y/N sheds a tear, as she hears Harrison speak. He was right. Home just didn’t feel like home anymore. Not without them, but as much as she wanted to say yes, the odds of it being okay were against her...that couldn’t be ignored.

“So what do you say?”

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave @ifntelyinspirit @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco @racewife2004 @sleepybesson @greatpizzascissorstaco @andievgs

#tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #tom holland

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stevesnailbat · 5 years

Text

listen before i go, i love you, goodbye. | steve harrington

warnings: mainly just angst, (implied) weed smoking

summary: Unrequited love sucks, for everyone involved.

word count: 3.9K

a/n: This fic isn’t really based off of the three Billie Eilish songs in the title. I saw on Genius that she said the titles of the last three songs on WWAFAWDWG? were supposed to be a sentence and it inspired me to write something about it. I also wrote a part 2. Enjoy!

Silence.

The only thing to be heard in Steve’s car was the soft hum of whatever mixtape he had going, and pure silence between him and his girlfriend. Usually, silence was okay. They would typically enjoy each other’s company without saying a word, but it was different now. Sometimes Y/N’s excited voice would fill the car as she told stories about her day while Steve would glance over at her with genuine interest in his eyes, but it was different now. There was no interest left in Steve’s gaze when he would look at Y/N, only a glimmer of what used to be love. Y/N’s voice was rarely ever heard anymore, and there was no excitement left in it when it was. They were broken.

Tonight was no different than any other Saturday night to Steve and Y/N. They were going to some party near Loch Nora but neither of them actually wanted to go. Still, they would go, they would dance together, they would hold each other, they would act like everything was okay, they would drink to forget that they didn’t want to be with each other. Steve didn’t really know why he still pretended to be in love when he wasn’t, but he never questioned it either.

He didn’t know when he fell out of love, but it hit him like a ton of bricks when he realized it. He could feel himself getting annoyed by the things she would say to him and he could feel himself losing the desire to kiss her and hold her like he always would. He told himself that he was just going through a rough patch and that he would get over it soon, but soon never came. Things got worse when he knew that she was catching on. She became more distant, less affectionate, less happy. He didn’t want to string her along, but he didn’t want to hurt the girl he once loved so dearly.

Steve parks his car in front of Carol’s house and stuffs his keys into his pocket as he looks over to Y/N, who’s staring out the window at the already drunk teens on the front lawn. She hated being drunk until Steve stopped loving her, then she began looking forward to the weekend so she could forget the pain she was in. He watched her eagerly step out of the car, waiting by her door for him to follow. As he got out, he gave her a knowing look when he saw to all-too-familiar fake smile growing on her face.

The couple is greeted by many of their so-called friends as they walk through the doors, Carol shoving drinks into their hands immediately. Y/N starts to drink as soon as she gets her hands on something, earning a glare in her direction from Steve. She ignored his looks and held onto his hand tight as she made her way through the crowd, searching for her best friend. Nancy’s face twists into an equally fake smile when she sees Y/N and Steve together, trying to hide her disapproval of what’s going on between the couple.

“Can I talk to you for a second, Y/N?” Nancy asks her, grabbing her wrist to pull her away from Steve. She didn’t really get a chance to tell Steve, but she knew he didn’t really care. The girls rushed off to a bedroom in the back of the house while Steve was left alone with Jonathan in the crowded living room.

Nancy closes the bedroom door behind her and turns to face Y/N. She was going to question her about why she was doing what she was still, but those plans changed. Before either of them can say anything, the sound of Y/N’s choked sob fills the air. She can’t bring herself to look at Nancy, so she sits on the bed behind her while burying her head in her hands. Nancy couldn’t look at her either, so she sits next to her and stares at the wall as she rubs Y/N’s back soothingly.

In any case, it would hurt to see your best friend crying. But for Nancy? It was even worse. She knew the situation all too well because she did the same thing to Steve. She strung him along and shattered his heart when he was still in love with her. Now the tables were turned and it hurt Nancy to see it; she thinks about how the hurt she put Steve through could have caused this. Y/N knew about their breakup last year, but didn’t believe that it would affect the way Steve saw her, his own girlfriend.

“Why the fuck am I doing this to myself, Nance?” she chokes out, throwing her arms up defeatedly.

“Because you love him, Y/N. You think you can change his mind, but deep down, you know you can’t.” Nancy says in a low voice, pulling her into a hug. “And you and Steve both care too much about your pride and reputations to break up.”

Y/N laughs softly as she blinks out some tears, slightly smudging mascara onto Nancy’s gray sweater. Nancy knew her and the situation all too well. It felt nice to be around someone who understood what was happening and was there to comfort, instead of just ignore. She pulls away after a few moments and tries to gather herself, wiping away her tears while taking a deep breath.

“We should probably get out of here before someone tries to start saying we’re cheating on our boyfriends with each other or something.” she jokes, trying to pull herself back to her fake-happy party-self.

An hour later Y/N finds herself clinging onto her so-called boyfriend relentlessly and clinging onto the moments of drunken affection that she deemed as damn near sacred. Usually the two of them would match each other with their drinks, not letting the other get too trashed. But Y/N snuck shots when Steve wasn’t looking, trying to bring herself back to the person she loved being. Steve caught on to what she was doing after her third extra shot, when it was too late. He had seen the hurt disappear from her eyes and replace with all the love and happiness she had once had with him. He could tell that she so desperately wanted to be happy again, and that she wanted to be happy with him.

“Stevie, you need to catch up! You’re not drinking enough.” she slurs as she shoves a drink into his face.

“I think I’ve had plenty to drink and that you have too.” Steve replies, his arm snaking around her waist hesitantly, mainly trying to stop her from falling or spilling her drink.

Her smile turns into a frown for a moment, but quickly disappears when she unexpectedly reaches up to his cheek, pulling him down into a kiss. The kiss was gentle yet filled with passion, something neither of them had felt in months. “I guess you’re right. You’ve had plenty to drink. Sober Stevie won’t let me kiss him like that anymore.” she whispered to him, her voice cracking as she spoke.

Her words seemed to be filled with remorse and sadness, Steve knew that he was the cause. For the first time since he had fallen out of love, he felt the same hurt that she did. He dropped his hand from her waist in shock and within a flash, she was gone. She waltzed over to Nancy with her fake smile, chugging away at her drink once more. He watched the broken girl fade away, if only for a moment, as she danced the night away with people that actually made her happy. Good, bad, and in-between memories that had been engrained in her memory forever were gone, if only for a moment, as she sang her heart out with her best friend. The pain she felt had gone away, if only for a moment, as Steve finally understood what she had been going through.

Hours passed and the party died down soon enough, around 2 am. Steve stopped drinking at midnight, but Y/N never stopped. Y/N told Steve she ‘wanted to party hard’ when he asked her to go the first time, the second time, and the third time. He finally convinced her that it was time to go when Nancy and Jonathan left, pulling the pouting girl to the car. She plopped down in the passenger seat and giggled drunkly at the noise Steve’s leather seat made when she did so. Without a word, Steve started the car and drove towards his house. He occasionally glanced over to her, seeing her face begin to twist into a sickly expression.

“If you’re gonna be sick, please do it in that McDonald’s bag on the floor or let me know so I can stop.” Steve laughs, resting his hand on her thigh in a comforting way, out of habit.

She says nothing in return, staring out the window intently. She was focusing on something, but Steve couldn’t put a finger on what it was. The short trip down the road takes all but five minutes and soon enough, he’s helping her into his house from the garage. She nearly falls at least three times on the stairs, giggling as she clung onto Steve. He has to undress and dress her again when they get to his room, which shows to be quite a challenge with a resistant, drunk girl. Steve rummages through a dresser drawer until he finds something, turning to hand her a shirt. When he does so, he sees her blotchy, red cheeks and tear-brimmed eyes.

“Hey, hey. What’s wrong?” he asks, although he’s sure he knows the answer. His hand brushes her hair behind her ear as his thumb wipes away a rogue tear.

“Why don’t you love me anymore?” she chokes out, her voice almost inaudible. Steve freezes in his tracks when she speak, not expecting that to be her answer.

Obviously it was going to come up at some point. But he didn’t want to tell his girlfriend why he didn’t love her anymore while she was plastered. So, he decided to play it off.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, baby. I think you’re too drunk for your own good right now. Let’s go to bed, yeah?”

“No, Steve. I wanna know now! Why don’t you love me the way I love you?” she says, her voice growing louder as she continues to slur her words together.

“I’m not getting into this with you right now, Y/N. You’re plastered and I love you. You’re crazy.” Steve scoffs, attempting to pull her onto his bed.

At this point, she can’t tell if she’s too drunk, too tired, or too hurt to argue, but she says nothing in return. She changes into the shirt he handed her and gets into the bed, laying down where she usually does, the bed feeling like a second home to her. The bed she thought was a second home was where they had their first kiss, their first time, where they listened to every mixtape she would make him, where she realized she was in love with him, and now where they would spend their last night together. Steve wraps his arm around her waist as they lay in bed, because he knew it was going to be the last time he would. Y/N became engulfed in his arms, pressing a small drunken kiss against his arm, because she knew it was going to be the last time she would.

Y/N sleeps the whole night through, the alcohol taking over when she laid down. Steve, on the other hand, spent the night staring at the ceiling while contemplating his next move. He knew she wouldn’t remember everything but that some things would stick out. Over and over again he replayed what he was going to say to her when she woke up. It wasn’t until after the sun rose that Steve fell asleep, heart still racing from the thought of the morning.

When Steve woke up, he found the spot next to him in the bed to be empty, his shirt folded on top of his dresser, and her clothes that were once piled in the corner of his room to be gone. His first instinct was to panic, he didn’t get to talk to her and God only knew what she even remembered from the night before. The panic growing in the pit of his stomach ceased when he heard the bathroom door open. She came out of the bathroom, quietly chuckling at his panicked expression. She looked as perfect as usual; she had removed the remnants of last night’s makeup from her face, smoothed out the knots in her hair, and put her clothes from the night before back on. Perfect, like everything else about her. How could he stop loving her? Maybe he never did. Maybe he just stopped loving who he thought she was and started loving the real her, who hadn’t been around for months.

Her expression was calm, she seemed more at ease. She picks up her backpack from the floor and slings it over her shoulders, standing near the bedroom door. Steve opens his mouth to speak but she holds up a finger, signaling for him to stay quiet for a moment. “Listen, before I go.” Y/N started, chewing on her lip momentarily. “I love you, Steve. But you don’t love me. And I can’t handle it anymore. I don’t need an explanation, I’m hard to love. I understand. So I just wanted to say that.” she breathes out, steadying herself against his dresser as she speaks so she doesn’t break down. “Goodbye.”

And with that she was gone. Gone from his house, gone from his life. Or so he thought.

The goodbye was enough closure for Y/N, it was all she needed. She seemed happier now, like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. The sparkle was back in her eye, the excitement was back in her voice. The bags underneath her eyes had disappeared, she kept herself looking put together every day, her life began to flourish. She had grown and changed in such a short amount of time and everybody saw it, she was untouchable. Everyone knew that she was independent and didn’t need anybody but herself to make her happy.

The goodbye was obviously not enough closure for Steve, though. Although she had seemingly left him behind, he still felt Y/N everywhere he went. She was in his bed at night, holding his hand as he walked down the hall, kissing his cheek when he would get out of his car in the morning; it felt so real, but in reality, he was left in the cold. She was still around him more than he expected. They would sit at opposite ends of a long table at lunch with their mutual friends, Steve making periodical glances her way. She would notice, but never thought into it.

He loved seeing her happy again and never wanted that to change for her. Soon after she left that day, he realized that she was all he could have ever wanted. And he threw it away because of his twisted perceptions of a perfect girl. He saw her as someone who got in his way, blocked him from being who he really wanted to be. In reality, she was only helping him to be the best person he could be. But he pushed her away, breaking her heart more and more every day. Steve knew that if he tried to come back into her life, she wouldn’t be the same. There was no coming back from what he did to her.

Every once in a while Y/N would have the itching desire to go back to him. She missed their late nights together doing nothing but getting high and laughing their asses off, their early morning impromptu road trips, their every memory made. Every time it happened, she would try to push the thoughts out of her mind, but they would still stick to the back of her brain only to be brought up again weeks later. The only thing getting her through was the thought of how he broke her, shattered her heart into a million pieces. There was no coming back from what he did to her.

She thought she had finally fallen out of love with him when graduation neared. With that in mind, she decided to go out of state for school, all the way to New York City. Steve heard the news of her moving from Jonathan and his heart broke. He remembered that she always had told him that she ‘wanted to get the fuck out of this hellhole’, but he always thought he’d be doing it with her. Instead, he was staying in the dead end town with nothing but heartbreak and a minimum wage job.

Graduation came and went without either of them speaking to the other. Both wanted the other but were too scared to say it. Y/N planned on moving halfway through the summer. She started packing in June and packed for days on end. One of those days, she found a box in the back of her closet and an all-too-familiar smell of cologne hit her nose when she pulled it out. Inside were sweatshirts, old t-shirts, polaroids of a once happy couple, notes passed in class, a gold bracelet, a cheesy teddy bear from Valentine’s Day, even a pair of boxers; all from Steve, all from what they once were.

Packing abruptly stopped for the day when she found those, her heart aching when she saw the pictures of the happiest days of her life in the box. She thought she was over him, but this brought her right back to square one. She cried for hours, about not wanting to move anymore, about wanting to stay in Hawkins, about wanting to stay with him.

It was a Saturday in June when Steve saw her for the first time since graduation. She looked as beautiful as ever when she came into Scoops Ahoy, but something was off. He had only seen her cry a few times, but he recognized the slightly blotchy, red cheeks and bloodshot eyes from a mile away. All she wanted to do was get some ice cream for comfort, but she was met with Steve. She froze for a moment when she saw him at the counter, not knowing that he worked there. She pulled herself together before she got to the counter, trying to act like she hadn’t been thinking about him the whole week.

“Ahoy! What can get for you today?” Steve said in his best customer service voice, even though he already knew what she wanted; ice cream runs were something they did together too many times.

“Just a small chocolate cone please.” she says, a weak smile growing on her lips in response to his cheesy voice and uniform. Her smile that she gave him was genuine, but she was dying on the inside. He could tell that she was regressing back to the person she was before their relationship ended. The sparkle in her eyes was a mere glimmer now, her voice didn’t have much excitement left. She hands him two dollars and tells him to keep whatever the change is, her voice tired and weak.

“When do you leave?” he blurts out as he scoops her ice cream, regretting it almost immediately, but he was curious.

“My flight leaves early Tuesday morning.” she says in return as she chews on her lip, a bad habit of hers.

Steve nods quietly, wishing he could find the words to say, but says nothing at first. He loads up her cone like he knew she would want, his mind brought back to times that she would complain about not having enough ice cream when they would go out.

“One small chocolate cone for ya. But good luck, Y/N. I’m sure you’ll do great things out there.” Steve says with a somber smile.

”Thank you, it means a lot, Steve.” she said before making her way out of the ice cream shop.

That night was no different than any other one in the last week. She couldn’t stop thinking about him and it wasn’t going to stop. Tears flowed freely for hours and she even called Nancy, telling her how she felt about everything.

“So you’re telling me that you’re still in love with the same guy who broke your heart by stringing you along for months?” Nancy’s voice came through the phone as Y/N sniffled lightly. “And you’re also saying that you’re just now realizing this? Three days before you go halfway across the country? You’re crazy, Y/N.”

“I know, I just can’t help it. He was my everything, Nance.” she choked out. It felt weird telling this to the girl who broke Steve’s heart, but she knew Nancy was sympathetic.

“If you really think you’re going to get something out of talking to him, then do it. You’ve both had time to think about everything, so do what you think will be right, Y/N.”

“Thanks Nance, I love you. But I’m gonna go finish packing for the night and go to bed.” Y/N lies, Nancy says goodbye in return. “Bye.”

When she hangs up the phone, Y/N rushes to her closet, rummaging around in a bag that was shoved in the back. She remembered a small bag of weed that she had in an old backpack and that she needed to use it up before leaving. If she was going to talk to Steve, she might as well have a conversation starter. She changed from her pajamas into some running shorts and a sweatshirt, shoving the small baggie into her sweatshirt pocket as she walked down the stairs. Sneaking past her dad sleeping on the couch, she took her keys off the counter and made her way outside to her car.

She made it to Steve’s house in record time, feeling like she had tunnel vision. She knew that his parents wouldn’t be home, they usually weren’t on the weekends. Her breathing hitched when she made it to his door, knocking on it hesitantly. Not even a minute later, she heard Steve unlocking the door and her heart feels like it’s going to beat out of her chest. Steve opens the door, looking groggy; his hair was tousled around and his clothes in a disarray against his body. When he sees who it is, his eyes widen slightly.

“Hey, Steve.”

“Hi, Y/N?” Steve replies, his voice groggy from the sleep that she interrupted

She smiles nervously up at him when she sees his confused expression. Digging in her pocket, she pulls out the baggie that was very familiar to Steve. “One last time before I go?” she questions, swinging the bag slightly as she tries to hold back the bittersweet, stinging tears in her eyes.

“Uh — Yeah! Yeah, sure. One last time.” Steve stammers out with a reassuring smile playing on his lips as he lets her into the house.

One last good memory. One more night with the girl he would love forever. One more time making memories that would last a lifetime. For one last time.

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xthexrawringx20sx · 3 years

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who are your comfort characters? wanna talk about them for a bit? :)

oh my god thank you so much!!!!! i actually went to my computer so i can type better/faster with shaky hands lol

added a read more because it’s long

tw for: hallucinations/delusions, idk what else let me know if i need to tag it!

okay so...some of these are because i’m a dumb kinnie but yeah lmao

uh. basically the entire avengers group, but specifically the first movie time period. yknow the fanfictions about them all living in the same place and clint climbing around the vents and thor eating poptarts? yeah, that kind. kinda cringy but i used to vividly daydream living there and them all being my friends.

in a similar note, the most popular creepypastas that were involved in the “slender mansion” type of fanfic/headcanons are also super comforting! i used to imagine that ticci toby, ben drowned, and jeff the killer were all like. my best friends and we’d have huge cuddle piles or whatever lmao

the grunkles from gravity falls! i’m a dipper kin so i guess that makes sense, but even before i knew that they were super comforting. stan because he’s grumpy but still cares about his family, and also just...how easily he accepted people into his family (like when it shows how/why he offered wendy a job, soos, etc). ford because he’s weird!! and everyone’s pretty cool with that! honestly everyone in that show is comforting because they’re weird and it’s okay! seeing how he’d be so involved with whatever dipper was obsessed with made me so happy.

also winnie the pooh! it reminds me of when i was a kid and had sleepovers with my nanny (grandma) because i moved schools a lot and was bullied constantly so i never really had any friends. we’d watch winnie the pooh, chitty chitty bang bang, milo and otis, and sometimes random movies with jackie chan/abbott and costello/elvis because they were her favorite. also mary poppins! i remember she’d let me stay up late and watch whatever i wanted as long as i didn’t tell my parents about some of the games she played on her computer. that was my favorite, because i could watch adult swim and teen titans and goosebumps without getting in trouble

anya from anya’s ghost! i’ve mentioned this before, but she is such a big comfort to me. her negative body image, developing bad habits just to fit in, and forcing herself to change to just...disappear/be “normal” is so relatable. especially when she talks about how her mom is an immigrant from russia and she’s trying to leave all that behind. i really relate to that because that’s something i’ve experienced a lot and felt so alone with it (my mom + grandma are from germany). that distance from who you are, knowing almost nothing about your family, is hard. i’d hear classmates list off family members who were some of the first europeans in america, then i’d be able to back 1-2 generations to say something about germany, and on my dad’s side irish and native american. but that was it! and everyone on both sides of my family know almost nothing about our family past that because here it was a reason to be bullied or hurt. kids would joke that i was from space, or that i was a robot or a bad person and i was “hiding” stuff about my family. i dealt with horrible jokes about world war two. and once i read that book, i cried knowing that someone else understood. someone else felt alone, like that part of them that was supposed to be so important was just...gone. that someone else knew their parents + their siblings, their grandparents, and nothing else.

all of welcome to nightvale. all kin stuff aside, this is about the weirdness and how normal it is. but also, how janice is treated specifically. in old oak doors, when kevin is telling her dad about how they’ll basically “fix her” so she can walk, he tells him that she doesn’t need to be fixed. all my life, any sort of disability has been viewed as either my fault or something that needs to be fixed. my parents tried everything to cure my diabetes, and it eventually led to them blaming me for it at parts of my life where i was still coming to terms with it. i wasn’t diagnosed with anything for most of my life, my mom genuinely thought my scoliosis just “went away” along with asthma. disability was a bad word in my family, and still is. if i can’t fix the issue, i’m supposed to hide it/act like everyone else. they shame me when i can’t do a bunch of things because of my legs or back. they tell me every way i can fix it, even if those things will cause me more pain and suffering. it’s nice to see someone’s disability treated like a part of them, and not something that needs curing.

dan torrance from the shining/doctor sleep. especially doctor sleep. i know they’re not hallucinations, but when i saw it i just...felt so much for him. i’ve tried a lot of things to get rid of hallucinations. some of which i still struggle with. i kind of sometimes imagine him telling me that it’s okay, that they might seem real but that i’m in control even when it doesn’t feel like it. the part of the movies where he locks them in boxes? that’s one of my coping skills. it doesn’t always work but it makes me feel better when it does. i can’t always convince myself they’re not real. that’s the hardest part, so many of the advice i see involving hallucinations/delusions is making yourself believe they’re fake. but i can’t always do that! like right now, i know logically what is outside shouldn’t be there. but they’re there, they’re big and scary and very real. it helps to feel like someone’s there telling me “it’s okay, we’ve seen scarier and can make it through this”. not anything like “it’s in your head”, “they’re not real”, etc because they are and it makes me feel like i can’t trust people when they do that randomly.

that’s all i can think of right now, thank you so much it helps me a ton to just ramble like this! sorry it’s so long and probably a little embarrassing...have a wonderful day/night!!

#thank you!#hallucinations #tw hallucinations #tw delusions #tw psychosis #psychosis tw #i think that's all?#comfort characters #asks

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hes-writer · 4 years

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I'm the anon who wrote about the reality-AU ask.

And I have a different view from what you wrote, because for me there where 2 major things:

1. Reader wasn't a strong woman

2. Harry was definitely an arrogant, selfish prick to reader.

I will start with 1.

So, what moral and values? I honestly don't understand that part because for me moral and values mean one thing and I don't see they fitting the situation.

Regardless, MC wasn't a strong woman for several reasons.

She allowed her pain get in the way of her child's life several times, she literally got with the first guy that showed her love when she wasn't ready nor emotionally stable, if we take in mind that she met him at halfway through her pregnancy and in 2 years ish she was already living with him and allowing her child to call him "dad". So she clinged to Connor as a substitute and staple to the family she had planned having with Harry, just like Harry clinged to Camille's offer as a way to have what he dreamed having with Y/N. None of them put their child's best interest first, otherwise she would have found a way to deal with her pain while allowing him to be part of Halo's life and he would have found a way to accept that he would never have what he wanted bc of his mistakes in the past.

And the clearest sign of that is her conversation with Harry in the last chapter. She did love Connor, but he was only there because Harry blocked her. If he hadn't, he'd have seen the text and be involved in his kids life. So, I know you said something about being emotionally available as a parent and that's my argument for that. Harry wasn't emotionally a dad bc that chance was taken from him out of spitefulness and he still tried to be there, he made a mistake but he never gave up. He was robbed of it countless times bc MC was never healed properly to let go of her personal feelings and focus on Halo, bc I can guarantee you that if given the chance, Halo would forget it and choose to have a relationship with Harry.

Which brings me to my previous point... He wasn't Halos dad, MC made him her dad because she didn't want to deal with Harry when she knew that he had a right to at least be informed about the baby, regardless of her relationship with him. In the story you make it known that he blocked her and that's how she couldn't tell him, but she kept in touch with his family + he contacted her at some point. So, she uses her own actions against him and he let's her out of guilty, showing a bit of manipulation from her side. Both of them were toxic and manipulative. Just bc you were hurt, doesn't give you a right to act as you please, speacially when a child is involved. That shouldn't even be put to argument and I'd have agreed with you more if you hadn't tried to classify MC as a victim at all costs, even when she was the wrong one.

If this was real life, a girl behaving like her would be concerning, so why in a fanfic she's considered strong? Because she standed up for herself and for her daughter? I mean, did she truly stand up for her child? Can we truly say that? Or did she allow her own barriers and insecurities surround them and keep Harry distant? Wouldn't a healed and strong woman be capable of dealing with her ex for their's daughter sake, speacially when she's in a happy and healthy relationship?

Parents are allowed mistakes. None of them know what they're doing and the greatest majority of the world is filled with people who weren't mature enough to be parents, yet somehow were allowed to.

She was unfair and subconsciously used her child to get back at Harry for all the pain he caused her.

He left her, so she didn't tell him about their baby, then when he found out she monopolised his entire relationship with his daughter and did some pretty illegal stuff, and when he committed his first mistake with the child she cut him off completely without taking in account what her daughter wanted.

Have you watched the show The Duchess on Netflix? I think its a great example of my point here, in case you don't understand it.

Also, forgot to say that she was toxic again when she kept threatening him over wanting to be with his kid. Like, we spend tons of times telling people to be responsible with their art, as it can be a door into introducing kids to things. We also spend a ton of time telling boys that they should care about their babies and be there for them. Then you come and write a fic where the guy gets threatened and manipulated when trying to be with his 🤷🏻‍♀️

MC definitely had her right to commit her own mistakes, as I said, parents will do it countless times. But I think that's a bit unfair that she gets as many as she wants bc she got hurt previous to baby being born, yet Harry barely gets one when trying to figure himself out after finding out about his kid. You mentioned that a judge would never give Harry any custody bc of what he did and that was a bit dumb, sorry. Law is based on justice, balance and protecting the victim with fairness and justice, therefore Harry would have been granted at least the benefit of the doubt as his mistakes were minor and the victim in this story is Halo, not MC✌🏽

This is a long one.

Morals and values are not fitting in the situation.

Morals are personal beliefs that a person upholds and values are something that are regarded as important. I think that everybody uses them in most of the things they do so they definitely fit the situation.

She literally got with the first guy that showed her love...

I wouldn’t say that MC clung unto Connor and got into a relationship with him right away. The first couple of instances—they were just friends and weren’t officially together until Reign.

None of them put their child’s best interest first // Reader wasn’t a strong woman

I agree that both parties didn’t act on the best interest of their child but that doesn’t necessarily mean that MC wasn’t a strong woman. Sure, she wasn’t ideal in the context of being a mother—but she mended herself enough to give Harry a chance when he found out, even setting up limits while she was at it.

Wouldn’t you think that that takes courage? Besides the preceding fact that it is courteous to tell someone that you’re having their baby (no argument there), especially to someone who has cheated and betrayed your trust, you are sweeping the pain away. MC was letting Harry back in even if she personally didn’t want to. Harry was a huge part of her life so I think reminiscing on their relationship would never cease; they have a kid together. All the good and bad of their time together will always be present in her mind.

Harry was robbed [of being a dad]

You think that Harry was robbed of being a Dad, I can’t convince you otherwise. You said it yourself though, ‘if Harry hadn’t blocked MC, he would’ve seen the text and he would’ve been a dad to Halo’.

But he did—and the following points of your argument are, in a sense, irrelevant because what you’re pointing out is what could’ve happened if Harry didn’t do what he did. These are the consequences of his actions. “He blearily remembered bitterly blocking her number just as she texted “I need to tell you something,” <- That scene was the turning point of MC’s decision and frankly, a showcase of Harry’s immaturity. MC said she had something to tell him and he retaliated by blocking her.

As well, you mention, ‘if given the chance, Halo would forget about it’—there’s a lot of assumptions in your argument because these aren’t part of the original story. These are what you think should’ve happened.

He blocked her [...] but she kept in touch with his family

MC kept in touch with his family on the pretext that they wouldn't inform harry that the baby was his. This was because of a misunderstanding due to a post on Camille's IG page. H seemed happy with his new relationship. MC didn't NOT tell him out of SPITE—it was because she didn't want to ruin his relationship with Camille.

Harry contacted her at some point // Just because you’re hurt doesn’t give you the right to act as you please

Yes, Harry did contact her—to call her a ‘whore’ and stated that she ‘probably slept around’ during their relationship. [ie. Harry: Why not? Scared that y’gonna have to admit that everything you put on was an act? How can y’move on so fast and give me shit about it?”] I’m guessing that’s probably not the best way for H to ask about MC’s pregnancy and I can imagine that the sheer rudeness and projection will deter most people.

His dialogues were an attack on her personality (that she was a liar and disloyal), on the validity of her emotions (that she was faking them), and on her identity as woman solely because he was crumbling under the truth that he was the one who messed up. I mentioned before that Harry’s insults were a projection as a result of his defence mechanism. Meaning that he was—to some extent—aware that MC hadn’t cheated but convinced himself otherwise to feel less guilty. Therefore, at the end of Halo, he judged the credibility of their child.

If this was real life...

And this is a fanfiction.

Once again, MC might not have been the ideal representation of a strong woman, but she stepped up when Halo was introduced.

Imagine going through a break-up with your SO of two years while you’re pregnant because he went behind your back FOR A YEAR, amidst hormonal changes, still going to work, and trying to find yourself when someone has taken so much of you—that’s traumatizing. Healing isn’t linear. Just because you’re wounded doesn’t mean that you’re not strong.

She was unfair and subconsciously used her child to get back at Harry

MC was honest but she wasn’t truthful. Her intentions were human nature yet keeping Halo away from Harry wasn’t very truthful of her—in legalities and such.

I don’t think MC monopolized H/H’s relationship. She gave Harry a chance to bond with Halo, and they did. As mentioned, MC had set limits and boundaries when discussing Harry’s presence in their daughters’ life. It was a legally binding, word-of-mouth, agreement that Harry assented to.

[he was] threatened and manipulated

In that sense, Harry’s hostility towards MC in Reign was threatening her decision to have him around [ie. You’re not something I would take the time to handle,” // You’re a goddamn mistake is what you are,’]

I understand your concern and I apologize for that. I’m not explicitly saying that this one piece of fiction is satirical in the sense that it’s the opposite of what society chants because that would be vile of me to do. Every circumstance is different though—it really is a choice of preference, validation and weighing out the subject matter.

You mentioned that a ‘judge would never give Harry custody’ and that was a bit dumb...

That line was never part of the story.

"Take it up legally if you'd like. Want to have a custody battle? Bring it on. Let's see whose side the judge is on after they find out that you cheated on me while I was pregnant with Halo."

Suggesting that the conclusion can be one of shared-custody wherein MC has more time with Halo (80/20 visitation schedule).

#the tarnish series #feedback!!#blog post #writing #fanfiction

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axelsagewrites · 4 years

Text

Stiles Stilinski*Followed Pt1

Ship(s): Stiles x Fem!Reader

Requested (?): By anonymous

Can I get a Stiles x reader where the reader is this grunge/punk girl and is kinda intimidating and to everyone (even Derek?) and she finally gets a chance to be alone with Stiles (detention, study hall, etc. your choice) and they realize they have A LOT more in common than they thought?

Warnings?: couple swears, the norm.

Masterlist HERE

Wattpad HERE

(Y/N) pov

I swear if one more person says I’m scary I’m going to flip out! Okay, maybe that won’t convince them but still. Apparently, I look intimidating. My face is just naturally aggressive for some reason. It's like a curse really.

This was one of the reasons, I think, that my friendship group is only small. Very small, at least in school. while I had friends from middle school and even a couple from freshman year, I hadn’t made any recently in school.

According to my friends, it might have something to do with the dyed hair, sarcastic comments and, resting bitch face. I come from a very sarcastic family and you have to be witty to survive.

While I’m not exactly bullied words like ‘goth’ ‘emo’ and ‘freak’ seem to be used more when I walk in a room. While there isn’t anything wrong with being goth, I’m just sick of being called it. For a time, I just stopped wearing anything with black on it but after coming to school in a white and yellow outfit and still getting called goth I gave up.

So, I’m the grunge kid. The one your parents tell you to cross the street from and that your grandma reminds you how sweet you used to be. And I don’t give a fuck.

But I kinda do. Like while I don’t deal with the awkwardness of introductions and meeting new people it’s because people don’t talk to me. And I wanna talk! I want to make new friends and get out of my shell. Partly because I don’t want to be alone forever and partly because I don’t wanna die alone!

For a while now this school has felt…strange. It started with a dead body being found in the woods and for some reason, my stomach is still in knots. Not to mention the guy they suspected of the murder keeps randomly showing up at school and dragging Scott and Stiles away. While I’m not friends with either I can’t help but be a little worried for them.

As I walk out of school, I prepare for the walk home. Headphones, jacket zipped, and dead face. I might as well live up to expectations. Honesty I’m used to the silent walk home. I live just close enough that I can walk but far enough that it’s a pain in the ass. Occasionally I get lucky and get a ride home, but it’s been a while.

I pass by a car far too nice to be in our parking lot and the man in the car sends chills down my spine. Derek Hale. Why is he here and why does he creep me out? The black Camaro feels like a shadow over the school, a constant reminder that Beacon Hills isn’t that safe after all.

Unlike in a room com when our eyes locked, and I didn’t look away it was because I was scared. But I couldn’t show that. Never.

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3rd pov

Derek’s eyes stayed on the unnamed girl as she walked away until he heard his car door open. “Who is she?” he asked as Scott slid into the front seat.

Stiles clambered into the back seat, making Derek internally wince at the mud on his shoes, “Who?” He said loudly as if he was in some TV show.

Derek rolled his eyes and looked at Scott, just hoping someone would be normal. “Um, I’m not sure. She’s from a different middle school. kinda keeps to herself,”

“Is this the scary chick from chemistry?” Stiles's head popped between the two front seats.

“Yup, What’s her name again?” Scott said, flinging his head back. “(Y/N)?”

“Yeah (Y/N) (Y/L/N). Really sarcastic, kinda scary, and would probably start a fight. Remind you of anyone?” Stiles looked at Derek.

Derek raised an eyebrow at the boy, “You’re scared of me?” Stiles mumbled something under his breath, “Put your belts on. I don’t need more problems,”

As Derek backed out his parking spot Scott piped up, “Why do you wanna know anyway?”

“Hm? Just wondered. Something about her doesn’t seem quite…right,”

“Like supernatural?” Stiles asked, popping his head through again. “Can’t you use your werewolf smell to tell?” Derek rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything. In truth she didn’t have a smell, unlike Stiles where Derek could smell his emotions, she didn’t have anything. Or maybe he just couldn’t tell. Derek didn’t like not knowing.

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(Y/N) pov

Another day, same old school stuff. My mum, who used to resent some of the clothes I’d wear, said nothing as I walked out in grey skinny jeans, Star Wars tee, and dark green shirt.

It was winter now and the walks home and to school were getting darker. Last night it felt like someone lingered around every corner, but I was alone. The walk to school was only made better as I knew the sun was rising.

My mum didn’t finish work till 5 but something was telling me I shouldn’t walk home tonight. Instead, I told her I was going to study support and would be finished around 5. Luckily, she offered to swing by after to pick me up meaning I wouldn’t be leaving school till about 5:15.

All the hope of my friends staying with me went out the window. One was sick, one had to leave early for a dentist appointment, and the last didn’t want to stay back that long because she had an online tournament that night. So, I was going to be alone.

Chemistry study support lasted from the end of school, 3:30, till 4:30. What I was going to do after, I don’t know. But alas I took the walk to chemistry after school and figured the school, at least, was safe.

Kinda.

While Mr. Harrison hatted everyone in his class equally, he was still required to do at least one after school study support class. No one ever went. I’d even emailed him the night before to make sure it was still on. He said it was though and even double-checked in chemistry first thing that I was still going, probably wanted to see if he could not go himself. He didn’t linger long though as after asking me Stiles station started smoking and he quickly went to yell at the boy.

both tragically and thankfully I walked to his class after the bell. As expected when I stepped in his class it was empty. Well apart from the man sat at his desk, moodily grading papers. He looked up as I entered, “You came,” his voice was as motioned as always.

“Yup,” I gave an awkward smile. Quickly I went to my sent, pulling out my chemistry stuff. I figured if I was going to be here I might as well study, “Sir can you how I went wrong on this question?”

The eye-roll he barely tried to hide spoke volumes. Alas, he did saunter over to my desk to brutally tell me where I had gone wrong. Just as he finished his spiel the door opened. “You’re late Stiles,” he said, not looking away from my paper.

“Sorry, Sir. Coach- “

“Sit down,” Mr. Harrison sauntered away from my desk over to his. He pulled out two poly pockets filled with sheets and handed Stiles and me a packet. “Study this. I need to go to the photocopier and if a single thing is out of place when I come back, I’ll know who did it,” his stormy gaze was met with two pairs of uncaring teenage eyes before he all but stormed out the class.

As I glanced over the papers, I realised I would rather wait in the parking lot. I couldn’t help chuckling a little before I packed up. Stiles shifted in his seat, “Where are you going?” he stuttered a little.

I looked up from my desk to see him looking at me, but he looked straight down. “Anywhere but here. I came for study support not to proofread a book,”

“You chose to be here?”

“Yeah,” I said with a fake preppy smile, “apparently I really do hate myself,” I walked to the front of the class. “Detention?” he nodded with an awkward smile before sulking in his chair, tapping his pencil. He had the same habit each time he got embarrassed in class which was too often. “What’d you do?”

“Scott put too much of the enzyme in and then there was smoke, but it was only a little. And I got the blame! Because apparently coach wouldn’t miss me at practice,”

“Well that’s bull,” I said. Stiles just kinda nodded and somehow sulked further. “How longs your detention?”

“Till 4 or something. I mean you’ve probably had worse but still,”

I had to try hold in a laugh as I moved to sit on the desk across from Stiles. “Nope.” I chuckled. His eyebrows scrunched and damn his eyes, “I’ve never had detention,”

“Really? I mean no offence but like I just assumed because well you know- “

My sigh cut him off, “I’m what? Scary? Yeah, I get it but I’m not actually a bad person,”

“I never meant that. It's just you are a bit…” he seemed to think, “Intimidating. Like you look important and as if you’ve got somewhere to be and I don’t want to get in your way,”

“The only place I want to be is home,” I said, “At home, alone, watching some geeky movie with popcorn. But alas, here I am,”

Stiles paused, even stopping from tapping his pencil, “Sweet, salted, or butter popcorn?”

I paused for dramatic effect, “microwave popcorn, from the corner shop, butter – but! With sweet popcorn topping from a shaker,”

He groaned, “That sounds amazing,”

“It is,”

We fell back into silence. “If you could movie marathon any series,” Stiles started “What one would you chose?”

“Star Wars. Easy,”

“Really?” he asked, his jaw seemingly hanging off.

“Yeah,” I grinned, moving my plaid shirt out of the way to show the death star on my tee. Though I had worn it so often the print had faded, “what did you expect?”

“Some horror film or something. I didn’t expect you to be- “

“A massive geek?” Stiles laughed and a bubble formed in my chest, “Same question. What movie series? And what snacks?”

Somehow this turned into a 20-minute convo on movies before Harrison came back. “You’re still here?” he asked. “You know what just go. I’ve got better things to do than babysit two teenagers,” he didn’t have to tell us twice and we bolted for the door before he could change his mind.

“I can’t believe I chose to go there,” I laughed as we walked through the corridor.

“I know,” Stiles laugh was becoming a favourite sound of mine, “I mean maybe it’s a good thing. Now I know you’re not scary. And someone who finally loves Star Wars,”

“If you ever want to geek out?” I said, opening my arms as he opened the door to the outside “I’m down to talk Star Wars,”

The parking lot was desolate apart from 3 cars; Stiles, Mr. Harrisons, and some other car in the back corner of the lot. Stiles nodded to the car “Is that yours?”

“I don’t have a car,” I said, my eyes stuck on the car for some reason. I didn’t want to look away.

Stiles brought me back to reality “How are you getting home?”

I forced my eyes away and back towards the boy in front of me, “Um my mum said she'd pick me up after work,”

“When is she coming?” he asked, checking the time on his phone.

“like…5:20?” I said.

His eyes went wide, “So you’re just gonna sit here for over an hour?” I shrugged. He glanced at the blue truck, “Do you want a lift?”

“Um, are you sure? I wouldn’t want to- “

“It's fine yeah. I mean unless you don’t want to then I get it but um… I don’t mind.”

Silence. The blush on his checks made mine flare-up. “Hum, that would be great. I’ll text my mum then,”

“Its no problem. Where about do you stay?” when I told him something seemed to dawn on him, “you only live like 5 minutes from me,”

“Yeah you pass me in your truck every morning,” I said as I clambered into the passenger seat. “Nice car,”

“Thanks,” a goofy smile stretched his face, proud of himself. I couldn’t help smiling a little.

While the conversation was awkward and clunky it was honestly better than I had had with my friends at lunch. As we were driving, I got the same feeling I got last night. I kept glancing in the wing mirror. “Are you okay?” Stiles asked.

“That car,” I said, “in the wing mirror,” I saw him glance at it in the rear-view mirror. His eyes went back to the road but jumped back to the car almost instantly, “Is that from school?”

“Maybe they're going the same way?” he said.

“Why didn’t we notice them leave though?”

Stiles's eyes went back to the road, “I’ve got an idea,” he said as he put on his indicator. One left turn, then a right, then a left. the car was still there, “It following us,”

“But- “

“One's an incident, twos a coincidence, threes a pattern,” he reached into his pocket and handed me his phone, “text Scott,”

“Why Scott? Isn’t your dad the sheriff?” Stiles said nothing. Glancing at him, then the car, then the phone. I opened the phone and went to contacts, “Do you want him on speaker?”

“Don’t call!” Stiles looked at me quickly before putting his eyes on the road, “You need to trust me on this one. Text him. Tell him I’m going to Derek’s and to meet me there,”

“Like Derek hale? The murder?”

Stiles glanced at me, “I may not like the guy but believe it or not he’s one of the good guys. Kind of. Just trust me. Please?”

I nodded and opened Scott’s contact as I saw the car follow us around another corner.

#Stiles #stiles stilinski #stiles imagine #teen wolf stiles #Sheriff Stilinski #teen wolf #Teen Wolf Ships #teen wolf imagine #stiles stilinksi imagine #stiles stilinksi smut #stiles stilinksi x reader #teen wolf stiles stilinski imagine #teen wolf stiles imagine

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freedom-shamrock · 5 years

Text

Bi the Pricking of my Thumbs

Huge thanks to @galahadwilder for letting me play in your sandbox!

For those just tuning in, this story comes from THIS post. In case it’s not obvious, this is a piece in honor of pride month. It's safest to assume that no one is straight or cis in this story. If this is a problem for you, if Bi-drien and Bi-nette have no place in your head, this is probably not the story for you, and it would be better for both of us if you just take a hard pass and skip it. Sincere questions are welcome, but bi-phobia will not be tolerated.

Note: Chat’s father is a bigoted fuckwad, and Marinette knows the stats for poor outcomes for queer kids.

Also on AO3.

Chapter 1

"What do you think?" Marinette held up a sketch for Tikki to see the minor modification she wanted to make to her superhero look for the month of June.

"Very tasteful," Tikki said, clapping her little nubs together happily. As she examined the pink, blue and purple striped ribbons. "They’re clearly a nod to your own sexuality, helping bring awareness and visibility, while remaining your usual professional Ladybug self." She swooped in and nuzzled her holder's cheek. "It's so nice to see society changing their perspective on this matter."

"I can't wait to show Chat." At seventeen, she truly felt her partner was her best friend. Sure, she had very good friends in her civilian life, and some of them even unknowingly backed her up in battle now and again, but over time Chat's unwavering support had risen above the rest. About nine months after getting their miraculous, Master Fu started meeting with them to learn more about their individual specialties and powers. He gave them homework and exercises to work on both alone and together. Despite the covert nature of their time together, it had had the intense bonding impact of a week away at camp, adding to their already strong friendship.

While she still insisted they maintain their secret identities, she'd relaxed a lot as she'd grown more confident and sure of herself as both Ladybug and Marinette. She was no longer opposed to sharing personal details that wouldn't identify them, though in the last year she'd gradually accepted that a reveal wouldn't be such a bad thing. It had been nice to really get to know and understand her partner. Given his isolated upbringing and cold father, it made sense that he'd needed to learn proper social etiquette for pursuing someone romantically. She'd been gratified when he met up with her for training one evening with a heartfelt apology for his self-described "dudebro behavior." He'd been respectful and appropriate ever since.

"Didn't Chat say he was planning on coming out this month?" Tikki asked. "In his civilian life?"

Marinette nodded. “That’s part of why I want to do this, this year. I want to support him for a change.” He'd seen and heard how her own process worked for her. At fifteen, Ladybug came out as bi, letting her test the waters and see if she could handle the reaction without a super suit to deflect the cruelty she expected to follow. The following year, Marinette made it clear to those who hadn't already figured it out. Since it wasn't something she'd actively hidden, it wasn't a big surprise to her friends and family, though it was confirmation for those who didn't already know for sure.

Last year the two heroes had been asked to speak at Paris Pride Fortnight, and Chat Noir made a beautiful heartfelt speech at Tour Montparnasse, ultimately revealing that he wasn't merely a supportive ally, but that he was also bisexual. Only Ladybug knew that her sweet and kind partner was still very firmly in the closet as his unmasked self. She'd been the person he went to when he was starting to question his sexuality, and she'd been first person he'd told once he felt he knew where on the scale he landed. She suspected she was still the only one who knew, and she was excited and hopeful that his friends would be as supportive as hers were.

"It's about time to meet up with him," Marinette said. Technically it was a little early, but Chat was often early to their trainings. It got him out of his house and let him feel free. "Can we give the new ribbons a test run?"

"Of course!" Tikki said brightly. "You know the words."

* * *

Chat looked the part of an utterly dejected kitten when she found him atop the Eiffel Tower. He didn't even try to fake it when she zipped up to their favorite beam and landed beside his hunched form. He glanced at her, a deep hurt clear in his eyes before he returned his gaze to Paris. "Hey Bug," he said softly.

"May I hug you?" She was pretty sure of the answer, but she needed to be sure. "You look like you need a hug or thirty-six."

He let out a totally unamused snort. "I would love a hug, and I'm not sure thirty-six even comes close to what I need." His voice sounded rough, something she'd learned happened when he'd fought with his father. Shouting and crying were hard on him.

She threw her arms around him, pulling him close. "I'm happy to listen if you want to talk about it. But we can also sit quietly if that would help you more. It's entirely your call."

He took a shuddering breath and burrowed into her shoulder.

"Oh Kitty, I'm so sorry," she murmured, moving to lean against an upright beam so she could better hold his weight. "Whatever it is, I'm here for you."

After many long minutes, he seemed to relax, the shakiness had passed. "It's my father," he muttered. "But you probably already guessed that."

She was starting to think the biggest danger in revealing identities was that she'd straight up murder his father once she knew who he was. The abusive fuckwad.

"I told him that I planned to come out as bi in the next few days, and… I knew he wouldn't like it, so I'd done my research. I had a whole presentation on my planned social media announcements and stuff. I had statistics to show that it wouldn't hurt in faaa - our line of business." He let out a heavy sigh.

"It didn't go well?" She wished everyone had parents like hers. So supportive and loving.

"Ha!" He let out a mirthless laugh. "Apparently, he didn't realize I wasn't straight." He sat up, rubbing angrily at his face. "I guess that means I've done a good job at hiding it, or maybe he really pays as little attention to me as my friends say."

She caught his hand. "Did he hurt you?"

He cringed and she wished she could take back her words at the pain they obviously caused. "I have no illusions that he loves me. I'm not sure he's capable of it. And I kind of thought he didn't feel anything, that maybe he wasn't human enough to have emotions anymore, but the disgust… the absolute revulsion he feels for me being bi… it hurt far more than any slap or punch could have."

She scowled out at the lights of Paris. "Just so we're clear here, I hate your father. I've never really hated anything, not truly hated it before. It's kind of a gross feeling."

"Yeah. I know what you mean." His voice was soft, and she wondered how many times he tried to convince himself that he didn't really hate his father. "Anyway, I… I don't think it's going to be possible for me to be public about my sexuality until I move out. He hauled out his usual array of threats if I go against his wishes and come out as planned."

"Oh my god, is he Hawkmoth?" she demanded. "Because he sure as hell is having a go at being Paris' greatest villain." She shook her head. "You're seventeen. You know how you feel, and science is behind us on this. Sexuality isn't binary and all evidence suggests that treating your queer kids like there's something wrong with them increases their risk of alcohol and drug use, depression, and suicide." Though she had to miss more meetings than she wanted, she'd joined the Lycee chapter of the Gender and Sexuality Alliance in her first year there. Lots of people thought she was just being supportive of Marc since it was also the year they started collaborating on cross disciplinary projects. With the meetings she’d made it to, she'd learned more than she'd ever wanted to know about poor outcomes for teens like them.

She turned to give Chat a full once-over. "You're not okay, Chat. And that's fair. It would be unreasonable to expect you to be okay while living in the home of a man who finds your sexuality disgusting. For your own well-being, I think you need to start looking at getting out of there as soon as you can. Whether you get your own place, or you stay with friends, you need to get out of that house."

He nodded, looking a bit surprised by her vehemence.

"You're beautiful and amazing, and I'm so proud of you." She caught his face in both her hands. "You are perfect the way you are. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you."

Even in the low light, she caught the warm flush of pink in his cheeks. "Thanks, Milady."

"And I need you to do me a favor." She picked up one of his hands, clasping it firmly between hers.

"Anything," he whispered.

"I need you to tell me immediately if you ever feel like harming yourself.” She was completely serious, and she saw surprise on his face.

“Oh, I’d never…”

She shook her head. “No Chat. You may think you’d never, right now. But that can change. And it can change so fast.” She squeezed his hand. “You may feel like you’re deflecting your father’s hostility and negative reaction, but some of that gets through. And it will every time. It will add up, and it can suffocate you. So promise, please.”

Understanding washed away the surprise. He nodded.

“I need you, Kitty,” she said gently. “I really can’t do this without you. I wouldn’t have the heart to keep doing it.”

His smile was weak and watery, but it was sincere. “Thanks Milady.”

“And you’ll work on getting out of the house?” she asked, certain it was the long-term solution he really needed.

“I’m going to need to think that one over a bit more,” he admitted with a shrug. “There’s… a lot to consider.”

“There is,” she agreed. “And if you can’t figure it all out, let me know. I’ll help. I’ll find you a place to stay if need be.”

He hugged her again, for a long moment.

As she tightened her grip on him, she considered what else he could to to feel better. “Maybe you should find one friend, one person who you know will absolutely not blab to others, and let them know. You deserve to have someone in your regular life who you can share this stuff with.”

“It seems unfair to burden any of my friends with this secret,” he admitted.

“My Maman has a saying about that,” she pointed out. “A burden shared, is a burden halved. Just make sure it’s someone who will respect your need for secrecy.”

“I’ll think about it,” he agreed. “Like seriously and for real.

-------------------------

Check out Chapter Two >>

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This was supposed to be a quick one shot, but I now expect it to be 3-4 chapters.

And if you’re so inclined, feel free to support me over on Ko-Fi

#Miraculous Ladybug #fanfic #Pride #bi pride #galahadwilder #Bi-drien #Bi-nette #my writing #Bi the Pricking of my Thumbs #unsupportive parents #discussion on future potential for self harm #biphobic parent

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postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 4 years

Text

Aaand now it’s time for episode 6 of The Witcher! Rare Species is the title and it’s intriguing, are we going to learn more about witchers?

Anyway, let’s do this. F.lux off, luminosity on, earbuds, clean glasses, and we’re ready. Nobody cares about that but whatever.

We start directly with Jaskier which is always welcome.

Geralt’s employers for the case think he’s dead by now and take Geralt’s stuff... but some strangers just show up and help out. Stranger dude introduces himself and I immediately forget his name and don’t try to learn it. Now he’s Suspiciously Helpful Guy, for short Beard Guy. The ladies with him are gorgeous.

This is about a dragon!!! That’s super exciting. Hope the dragon looks cool.

Jaskier also thinks the ladies are gorgeous. He probably thinks everyone is gorgeous but still, mood.

The reward for killing the dragon is huge, because it’s about the reputation of a king. Makes sense. Suspiciously Helpful Guy isn’t suspicious after all, he just wants the lord title and whatnot and wants Geralt on his team because Geralt is like the Cristiano Ronaldo of monster hunters, and that makes sense.

Beard Guy doesn’t want the reward for itself, but wants a last adventure before he gets too old to do anything exciting, apparently. He tries to appeal to Geralt emotionally, but Geralt is still unconvinced. Aaaand now we get what convinces him to join. The world is small :)

So welcome to Deadly Gishwhes.

Yennefer is there as a fancy escort to Pompous Knight. I think they haven’t started yet and she is already Done with him.

Meanwhile-not-meanwhile Ciri is walking right into Fake Mousesack’s trap...

Deadly Gishwhes for now is a camping trip. Isn’t this fun! Geralt is convinced that the most dangerous thing on the mountain isn’t the dragon, but Yennefer... we’ll see. I mean, definitely.

Dinner is an awkward affair until it gets a more intimate affair, then it’s cute. I’m afraid these nice people won’t survive this.

Dara suspects Fake Mousesack, but Ciri doesn’t...

Meanwhile Yennefer has been sleeping and has lost her escort. Oops.

Oh, he’s been found. Double oops.

The dwarves suggest a shortcut, our team accepts, but we’re gonna have some Yennefer-Geralt drama first.

And of course Yennefer is meaning to use the dragon to get her uterus back.

Geralt says she’d definitely made a bad mother and, well, is he wrong. Apparently it’s customary to make witches and witchers sterile, and he acknowledges that their lifestyle isn’t suited for children. Which I can’t really disagree with... if you really want a child, you can adopt one after deliberation, and not risk to produce a child accidentally that will be thrown into a very unstable environment. I get where Yennefer is coming from, though--it’s not really about a child, it’s about reclaiming the possibility of a choice that was taken from her. I think it’s more about having a part of herself taken away, and maybe she’s been rationalizing her feelings as wanting to be able to have a child, but I think it’s about the integrity and wholeness of her body, of getting back something of herself she got robbed of (even if she chose it at the moment--but it was a choice dictated by the desperation of fixing what had caused her a lifetime of abuse, suffering and self-loathing).

I love how this thing is all leading to Geralt becoming a mama duck.

(Yeah, I don’t know how this story will progress exactly, but I am assuming the plot is going to be about Geralt becoming a mama duck until proven otherwise. I mean, this episode is yelling at us that Ciri is going to become his adopted daughter, we just got hammered with a reminder that she’s tied to him by destiny and Geralt is now babbling about the fact that it’s not a good idea for him to have a child. But for some reason I expect Geralt to go through the story being imprinted on by every orphan or lost soul he meets, like baby ducklings with mama duck.)

(I can’t really think of Geralt as a father but I can only think of him as a mother, does that make sense? I’ve watched too much Supernatural.)

AAAAAAH he’s “thought about this--often”. He’s thought about children and parenthood. Excuse me, I needed that heart, who gave you the right.

Oh my god, he’s been avoiding the surprise because he knows he’s supposed to parent the child, and does not want to subject the child to the life he leads!! I am having feelings!! He does not want a child to go through what he goes through!! He’s literally been tormented by the idea that destiny wants to give him a child but he doesn’t want the child to suffer through the horror and pain of his life!! Wasn’t one (1) show with these themes enough, did I have to add another??

Well, now Yennefer is going to be bitter that she’s been trying to get a child for decades and this dude stumbled into magical adoption just like that.

Also love how Geralt is like “why do I start babbling like an idiot when I’m near you”. It’s called being neurodivergent Geralt. I know this isn’t the take I was supposed to get from the scene but I’ll go with it. It makes sense okay?

Ciri catches Fake Mousesack, and They(TM) get fed up with the whole thing... Ciri is savage af.

The shortcut is terrifying and Jaskier is being perfectly reasonable thank you very much.

Nooo Beard Guy!!! Goergous Ladies!!!! I mean, I expected it, but still. :’(

Oh bby he’s trying to console Geralt and also working out his own pain.

The directors have a favorite angle to shoot Geralt, uh.

Yennefer has made a Tardis Tent. And they have an emotional (emotionally mature, at least for they standards?) moments. They suffer a bit from a-man-and-a-woman-share-a-pencil-syndrome, but that’s just how the show has been working so far, it’s a lot about negative space, so I’m giving them a pass.

Me the other day, as a joke: the horse is the fantasyland equivalent of the Impala. This episode: if he wasn’t a hunter witcher he’d work with cars horses. *deep inhale* Okay.

Ah. Her dream is to be important to someone, yes. A child of her own would be a sure way of achieving that.

Alright, this scene was sweet. They lil stupid faces when they wake up together. They’re dumbasses but cute.

And Ciri is caught. This guy is either feeding her some fat lies or not, let’s see. He speaks destiny stuff so he probably believes what he’s saying. The camping party was talking about the religious zealotry of Nifgaard peeps. He’s probably the religious righteous type, which is the most dangerous type.

OH! Now this is intriguing! It’s Them(TM). And yes, he believes the prophecy stuff, and the shapeshifter thinks he’s insane. Yep.

Yennefer cheats at track and field.

I have a theory about the dragon, let’s see.

Ho ho ho! This is great, the ladies are alive, Suspicious Guy was not what he appeared uh.

I was right, the dragon was a she and had a baby. That was my theory. Yennefer was after it for motherhood reasons... but the real motherhood was the dragon she was after all along.

Suspicious Guy was indeed a gold dragon, the rarest, the ones with the very peculiar mutation... of course. I should have expected it. He hired the only person who’d empathize with dragons and could protect the baby dragon.

Mama Duck Geralt Foreshadowing Abounds!!

Sorry guys, Team Protect Baby Dragon are the most badass people around.

Dracarys.

Ah, I’m so happy about how this episode went. Sorry for poor dragon mama, but the rest was 👌🏼

Dara is done with white people bullshit, which we can’t blame him for.

And now it’s time for draa~ama! They break up. I mean, I knew I’d happen because they’re dumbasses and just at the beginning of their character development arc. I want them to be each other’s weird ex that somehow is always involved accidentally in everything the other does.

Dragon Dude is like, forget heterosexuality, embrace your true nature as a Mama Duck.

Well, dumping your frustrations on Jaskier doesn’t seem fair. Aw, that’s so sad. Yennefer and Geralt speak the same emotional language, but Jaskier is a lil dumpling.

Fringilla boosts Creepy Religious Dude’s self-esteem. They have a Mission!

And we’ll see how it goes in the next installment...

This episode was really good. Yep.

#the witcher #blabbering me

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planetsam · 5 years

Note

Malex Prompt: Isobel tries to get into Alex’s head to make him leave but she can’t do it because he loves Michael too much (basically Isobel and Liz in episode 3.) and Michael finding out about it. Btw... Loooooooooove your writing 😍😍😍

Alex Manes needs to go.

Isobel arrives at the decision when she stumbles upon a date her brother is on. It’s nice and all. Cute, kind of. Hey if it makes Michael happy, who is she to judge? She married and loved someone who was an alien and didn’t even know about it. Anyways she watches as Michael glances out the window with that puppy dog expression. Until it falls away, replaced by a look she’s seen far too often the past decade. She thought it was guilt but knows that it’s not. Not entirely. Everything is supposed to be better now or as good as it can be with Max still out of commission. But Michael’s pain makes something in her chest twist. She follows his line of sight and sees Alex getting out of his car. Isobel would say that Michael is pining but there’s nothing longing about the look. There’s just pain. Isobel is a card carrying member of #TeamMichael and anyone who puts that look on her brother’s face needs to get out of town.

So Alex needs to go.

Isobel tracks him to the UFO emporium. She likes the idea of testing out her new control in that place. And hey if Alex is feeling all nostalgic, she can turn that on him. Michael said Alex was tied to pain. All she needs to do is bring up that natural human instinct to want to escape it. Easy. She buys a ticket and goes inside. The place has never been her favorite. It’s every alien cliche the town thrives on. She’s always mocked it as ridiculous, never allowed herself to feel any of the hurt of seeing this terrible thing put on display. She doesn’t give into that now, it doesn’t matter anyway. This happened years and years ago. She needs to save Michael. Now.

She follows Alex into a room that’s been converted into an autopsy room. The change affects Alex instantaneously. She doesn’t need to be in his head to see how his entire posture changes. He walks around the room in careful steps, but she knows that it’s not this room he’s seeing. He stops at a corner of it and hangs his head, not even bothering to look like he’s unaffected. This is the perfect opportunity. His defenses are down. So she focuses on him and slips silently into his thoughts. It’s embarrassingly easy, but then again the people who think they’re well guarded are usually the weakest. Through the bond she establishes, she first sorts through what he’s feeling and what she can use.

It hurts.

It hurts and it’s his fault. Good, they agree on that.

It hurts, it’s his fault and Michael deserves to be happy. Again, she agrees and is pleased.

It hurts and it’s his fault and Michael deserves to be happy and if he wasn’t such a coward it wouldn’t have to be like this. Okay she doesn’t agree with that. There’s nothing cowardly about Alex. Not that she can see anyway.

He’s a coward and he’s weak. He could have stayed here and been happy instead of running off to be strong and losing everything. He deserves this. What kind of warrior fights for something as selfish as his own happiness. Well now she really really doesn’t agree with him.

It’s good they changed the room. The fewer memories for Michael the better. He can move on and be happy.

Isobel pushes aside the empathy and reaches for the thought of wanting to be happy. But the thought of wanting to be happy is focused on literally everyone but himself. Everyone deserves to be happy but him. He derails her plans because she can manipulate but there is absolutely no desire in him for his own happiness. She seeks out any train of thought that maybe it would be better for them if he left, but there’s none of that. No desire to run from the pain, no desire to heal. Alex just wants to protect people and make sure they’re happy. In the deepest, most unchanging part of himself, his life is an acceptable trade.

Isobel’s breath catches at the acceptance of his low self worth.

That’s not gonna fly.

It bugged her how quietly Alex slipped away. But then again anyone with eyes or ears was constantly subjected to Michael being with Maria. Everyone knew. Michael was like a puppy and Maria, well, everyone saw her smiling. They weren’t subtle. But it seems like Alex feeling like he deserved this played an equal part. His mind might be unguarded but the man has a good poker face. She’ll give him that. As she’s sorting through the things she could use to get him to want to leave, she decides to just double check before she pushes him to it.

Michael beats through him like a pulse.

Isobel immediately retreats. Sorting through his emotions is one thing but this, this is something she refuses to spy on. Alex doesn’t have a right to privacy but she promised Michael he did. She won’t break that promise. Amidst all the self loathing and pain and the strength and protectiveness, Alex loves Michael. It’s the fuel powering the engine. It wouldn’t been enough to stop her, except she only promised Michael she wouldn’t go in his head after she had done so. She recognizes the way his mind is arranged. She knows it. Because she’s seen it before. Alex is done running and Michael is done waiting and maybe if they say it enough they’ll both convince themselves of the fact.

She doesn’t bother with the suggestion of leaving. She toys with the idea of implanting the suggestion that maybe he shouldn’t be so hard on himself but decides against that too. She slips out of his head and moves into the room. He snaps back to himself with that expression people always have after she’s in their heads, but if Alex has realized what’s going on he says nothing. He looks at her carefully and she smiles.

“Is this your first time back?” She inquires.

“I figured it was time to see what they did with the place,” Alex says.

“You must remember what it was like before,” she says.

“Barely,” he replies, “they moved some walls around.”

“No they didn’t,” she says, “I put on the re-opening,” she reminds him, “I know what they changed.”

If he’s embarrassed at being caught in the lie he doesn’t show it. He gives her a smile that’s just predator enough she can respect it. Isobel decides to go with it.

“What was this?” She asks.

“I thought you knew what they changed,” he shoots back.

“On the surface,” she says, “I hate this place, obviously,” she adds, “I was never a masochist like Michael, trying to find home in this place.”

Alex looks away. Michael always said that and she had always assumed he was talking about the junk. Not about a person. She might be on #Team Michael, but a part of her wonders what the hell he’s doing on the detour he seems to be on. If he realizes how much of an idiot he’s being.

“I guess it was a bust,” Alex says.

“I guess,” Isobel says.

“They had the flying saucers here,” Alex says, “and the wall of lights, it was supposed to be stars,” he tells her, shaking his head, “and the alien bodypart,” he looks at the autopsy table.

“Ew to the alien body parts,” Isobel says, “and all those cheesy green men,” Alex shrugs, “but the stars,” she says, “are still back there.”

“Huh?” Alex looks surprised and maybe his poker face isn’t that great.

“Probably the only thing about this place I liked,” she says, “and someone pitched a fit at the prospect of them being thrown out,” she adds. Alex shuts down but Isobel ignores it, “the flying saucers are in the theater. Along with more of the stars.”

She definitely has gone over a line and almost feels bad at the wild hope in Alex’s eyes. Which, again, is familiar considering Michael had the same damn expression and demanded to know that the stars in this room were going to be the same. No matter what they did with the rest of it. Alex attempts to look nonchalant as he makes his way to the fake wall and peers around it, but even with just the slightest brush in his head Isobel feels more calm from him than she has their entire conversation. His entire body relaxes. Relief, he’s relieved.

It’s still here.

Isobel fights the urge to smile and glances at her watch.

“Well I’ve reached my limit of little green man stuff for the day,” she says, “I’ll see you around.”

Alex nods and doesn’t take his eyes off the stars.

Isobel leaves him to his nostalgia and pushes the bright taste of hope out of her head. Obviously she doesn’t mean to bang her funny bone into the sign and send out the distress call, things are just so different. Really its proximity. But it’s a distress call and not five minutes later, who should come running in but Michael, looking panicked. She rolls her eyes at her own clumsiness.

“Sorry, I hit my funny bone,” she says.

“Iz—“ he starts.

“But while you’re here, I think they’re having some trouble with the star wall in the autopsy room,” she tells him, “maybe you could go check it out?”

#malex fic #michael guerin #alex manes #malex #roswell new mexico #isobel evans #roswell nm fanfic #michael x alex #prompts #leave the ufo emporium out of your romantic parallels #i s2g

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chibimultishipper · 5 years

Note

For the Zerhys prompts: Zer0 gets hurt and is a huge baby about it. Rhys helps comfort them.

((Thank you for this! I had a lot of fun with this one AO3 here is the link!))

Rhys was in his home workshop tinkering with a new gun prototype for Atlas. He had gained inspiration from his inability to aim and was currently trying to work an a line of Atlas guns that would track enemy movements so all the user had to do was fire. He had hit a snag in his last testing session and couldn’t stop thinking about the stupid prototype. Even now it was his day off and he was still tinkering with the damn thing. He wished his busy mind would allow him to leave things alone, but it didn’t seem like that would happen today.

All of a sudden he heard a faint banging noise. Banging? Where the heck was that coming from? He put down his tools for a moment to open his workshop door. Doing say made the sound increase in volume, in which Rhys realized someone was banging on his front door. Rhys checked his watch and looked at the time. 7pm. It wasn’t terribly late but usually anyone he knew would at least call before coming over at this time. The only person who would usually come unannounced was Zer0, but at this point in their relationship they usually just walked in. He looked to see if he had received any messages and he noticed several calls from… Maya? Why was she calling? Before he got a chance to check any of the voicemails she left the banging on the door got more aggressive. Rhys was sure it would break at any moment. “I’m coming I’m coming!” He yelled running to the door. He checked the peep hole real quick just to be safe. There he saw Maya as he suspected but she was holding Zer0? He quickly opened the door.

“I was beginning to think you weren’t home.” Maya comment letting herself in as she held Zer0 bridal style in her arms. Damn she was stronger then she looked. “You didn’t answer any of my calls so I was prepared to break in.”

“Sorry.” Rhys apologized, glad that he didn’t have to repair a broken door. “I usually turn all forms of communication off when I’m in my workshop so I can focus.”

“Put me down. This is / embarrassing.” Zer0 muttered. Rhys raised an eyebrow at Zer0’s lack of effort to finish their own haiku. It wasn’t uncommon for them to drop the attempt all together, but it felt different this time.

“Are they okay?” Rhys asked worry now apparent on his face.

Maya rolled her eyes as she not so gracefully dropped Zer0 onto the couch. They make a sound in annoyance but didn’t say much else. “Yes their fine, they are just being a drama queen.”

Rhys crouched near Zer0. “What happened?”

Maya shrugged. “They got slashed up pretty bad in the stomach.” Maya pointed at the cut in their suit that Rhys was for some reason noticing just now.

“What!?”

“It’s fine. Admittedly it was a pretty fatal wound at first but I was able to heal it- well most of it. “ She sighed in frustration. “The blade they were slashed with was laced with poison so I wasn’t able to heal them completely. Right now it’s just a minor scratch. It definitely hurts but not as much as Zer0 is milking it. They have had worse!” Maya yelled at them causing Zer0 to dramatically put a hand to their helmet.

“I am dying. Words / are difficult. I can barely / count syllables now.” They paused. “See I messed up.”

This was a lot to take in for Rhys poor heart. “Wait so you said poison didn’t you? Are they really dying?” Rhys tried to keep tears from welling up in his eyes. All the things he hasn’t said yet. All the stuff he wanted to do with them. He wanted them to still take a vacation with him. He wanted to convince them to try ice cream. He wanted-

“They aren’t dying.”

“Oh thank god.” Rhys let out a sigh of relief.

Maya shrugged. “Yeah turns out they are completely fine on the poison front. Normally that type of poison at that dosage would have killed a human but well, you know.” Maya gave a vague gesture with her hand as if that somehow represented ‘Zer0 is an alien!’, but Rhys still understood what she meant. “The only thing wrong with them is that they are a little sore and the poison is causing them to experience intoxication like symptoms.”

Ah, things were beginning to make sense. “Okay um, just to clarify. I mean I know you said it already but you’ve also said a lot of things that to a non vault hunter like me sound super fucking alarming, they’re not dying right? Just in a weird intoxication type state?” Rhys asked.

Maya smiled. “Exactly. I want to apologize about bringing them over like this. I was going to take them back to Sanctuary but they insisted they come here.”

Rhys gulped. “R-really?”

Maya nodded. “Yeah it was annoying. Like, super annoying. I told them ‘I’m sure Rhys has better things to do then to listen to you whine and complain the whole time’ but then they threw a tantrum. Then they started screaming about how much they liked you and- Ow fuck!” Maya held their side and moved away from the couch. Zer0 had just kicked her.

“You know you can leave now.” Zer0 said. It sounded more like a threat.

Maya rolled her eyes. “You don’t scare me Zer0. Just for that, when you ‘sober up’ I’m telling Rhys about all the embarrassing things you’ve said today.” She looked at Rhys, clearly annoyed. “They’re your problem now.”

“Ah huh um o k-kay.” Rhys was still reeling from the information that was thrown at him. Zer0 wanted to see him that badly, and the idea that Zer0 had thrown a tantrum when they didn’t get what they wanted. He kinda wanted to see it.

He shouldn’t be surprised that Zer0 wanted to visit him. They had been dating for some time now so it’s only logical that you would want to see the person your dating after a near death experience. Rhys just couldn’t help the fact he that he was still wowed that Zer0 for some reason liked him and was dating him and wanted to see him and-

“If they start breaking stuff, call me. Otherwise, don’t.” Maya clearly had her daily dose of Zer0 for the day.

“Uh yeah okay got it!” and with that she was out the door.

“I don’t throw tantrums.” Zer0 stated as soon as she left.

Rhys smiled to himself. That sounds like something someone who throws tantrums would say. “Okay.”

Zero shifted their head to look at him. “I’m serious. I don’t.” [(︶^︶)]

Rhys kneeled down in front of the couch again. “I know, I believe you.” He turned his attention to the hole in their suit which revealed his scar. “Does it hurt?”

“Yes, very much so.” Zer0 attempted to emphasize their pain by making a groaning sound but it didn’t translate well with their communicator so it just sounded like static.

Rhys looked determined to assist. “How can I help? Do you want some ice? I can put ice on it.” He paused. “Does ice reduce swelling for you?”

Zer0 shook their head. “No, opposite. Heat.” Heat? Did he have anything that could generate heat for them? “Oh! Hold on I’ll be right back!” Rhys ran into his bedroom and pulled out a chest from underneath his bed. He opened it and quickly shuffled through it’s contents. An old photo album, his first binder- ah here it was! He grabbed what he was looking for and pushed the chest back underneath the bed. He brought the item back to the living room and Zer0 looked at him with a slight tilt to their head. [ ? ].

“It’s a heating pad!” Rhys exclaimed as he plugged it into the nearest socket. “I use to get really bad cramps underneath my stomach and this always worked wonders for me.” He pressed it against Zer0’s wound causing the vault hunter to flinch away slightly. “Sorry! I’ll be more careful.” He gently placed the heating pad on Zer0’s wound this time. They didn’t flinch away.

“Anything else?”

“Water. Please.”

“Right!” Rhys ran into the kitchen and got Zer0 a cup of water quickly bringing it back. When he tried to hand it to them, they made no effort to grab it.

“I’m just, so weak.” [T_T] to try and prove their weakness, they attempted to raise their arm but it just fell back into their lap.

Rhys tried really hard not to laugh. “Uh. So you can’t lift your arms now?”

Zer0 shook their head. “Poison spreading. My limbs feel fuzzy. Like… “ They tried to remember that phrase that humans always use. “Jam.”

Rhys accidently let a snort slip through. “Do you mean jelly?”

“Yes, that.”

Rhys really tried to keep it together but a small fit of laughter came out.

[T_T] “This is serious.” Zer0 complained.

“Yes of course! I’m sorry.” Rhys consoled, a few giggles escaping. “Can you lift your head for me please?”

“I don’t know if I can manage.”

Rhys placed the water on the end table next to the couch. “What a shame, I was going to have your head rest in my lap and try to-” Before Rhys can finish Zer0’s head immediately shot up giving Rhys space to sit down. “Wow you did it!” Rhys exclaimed with fake excitement.

“It took all my willpower.” [´-﹏-`；]

“Right.” Rhys sat down and Zer0 immediately placed their head in his lap. Rhys hand gently tapped on the glass of Zer0’s face to which they responded with [｡>﹏“Can I take this off?” Rhys had seen Zer0’s face before, but they still didn’t feel comfortable being without their helmet all the time yet.

Zer0 was quiet for a moment. “Yes.”

Rhys gave them a gentle smile that made Zer0’s heart feel like it was going to beat out of their chest. “Thank you.” With that Rhys released the two clasps that resided on each side of their face. They gently pulled off the glass in the front and placed it on the end table. Rhys paused, staring into the four red eyes that were looking back at him. Now was not the time to get embarrassed! “I’m going to sit you up a bit okay?” Rhys used his hands to sit Zer0 up a bit more so that they wouldn’t choke.

“This is what you wanted right?” Rhys asked gently placing the water to Zer0’s lips so that they could drink. Zer0 placed one of the hands that they supposedly couldn’t move because they felt like ‘jam’ on Rhy’s thigh to anchor themselves as they slowly drank from the cup in Rhys hands.

It was a simple gesture, one any person would be willing to do for their loved one while they were sick or in pain. Still this moment felt… intimate. Super intimate. Rhys let out a quiet yelp as Zer0 tightened the grip on his thigh. Fuck he could feel his heartbeat banging on his ear drums. The steady rhythm of it seemed to radiate throughout his whole body. He wondered if Zer0 could hear it too. He wondered if Zer0 was having the same problem or if he was overthinking it.

Zer0 began to pull away from the cup but Rhys wasn’t paying attention and accidentally spilled some on their face. “Fuck! Sorry.” He quickly put the cup back on the nightstand and tried to get up. “Let me get you a napkin-”

Zer0 stopped him. “It’s fine.”

It was silent. It wasn’t awkward necessarily but it felt like something unresolved was in the air. Zer0 had begun staring at him, or did he start staring at Zer0? He didn’t know for sure. They stayed like that for a moment and Rhys felt antsy. “Do…do you want anything else?” He asked.

“I want… “ Zer0 stopped themselves. They seemed confused, or rather, concerned. Maybe worried? A frustrated chirping noise came from their lips, not their translator this time. They glanced back at the water and then looked at Rhys again. “Drinking is hard. You should siphon the water into my mouth with yours.”

A beat of silence, and then Rhys burst out into laughter. He didn’t know why he got so nervous. He always put Zer0 on this petesdal because they were this cool ass vault hunter. He often thought that he wasn’t good enough for them, and that he was a nuisance to ask for things.

But moments like these brought him back into reality. Zer0 was for sure a cool ass vault hunter, but at the end of the day he was also just Zer0. His nerdy awkward datefriend who loved him.

“I am not spitting water into your mouth, that’s gross.” Zer0 looked mildly disappointed “Can I kiss you instead?” Zer0 perked up and nodded vigorously. Clearly this is what they actually wanted.

Rhys leaned in and gave Zer0 a gentle peck on their mouth. Their lips were a bit rougher than his own but Rhys always appreciated the contrast in the sensation. Zer0’s jam hands (Rhys was never letting them live that down) caressed Rhys face, bringing him in closer.

When Rhys parted for air, Zer0 attempted to dive in for more, but Rhys stopped him. Zer0 gave a chirp whine in protest. “I don’t know Zer0 you still seem pretty week, I don’t want to stress your body out to much~” Rhys teased.

Zer0 gave him a deadpan look before standing and stretching their legs. “I feel better already.”

Rhys bit his lip to die down his laughter. “Looks like a miracle to me.”

“Yes. Miracle.” Rhys screeched as Zer0 picked him up and brought him to the bedroom where the two proceeded to make out for the rest of the night.

#zerhys #zer0 the assassin #rhys tftbl #long post

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atopearth · 4 years

Text

Fate/stay night Réalta Nua Part 3 - Unlimited Blade Works Route (½)

Day 1-10 Ooh, so on Rin’s route, Shirou would use a Command Spell to stop Saber from attacking Archer and Rin when they appear to save him from Lancer~ Something I forgot to talk about in the last route though is that, I always thought it didn’t seem logical for Archer to not even be able to react when Saber appears to attack them, but in reality, it seems he did react, he just hesitated when he saw Saber and that’s why she was able to badly wound him in the Fate route, and it’s kinda crazy how I never linked the dots properly as to who Archer was even with hints like that haha. I always found it weird that Shirou never questioned Rin about how she knew he got killed by Lancer, I kinda brushed it off as him not noticing since he’s been bombarded with the whole Holy Grail War thing, but I guess it was to keep it for this route! Not that Rin really lets Shirou question it too much anyway haha. I love how Shirou shook hands with Saber in hope that they’ll do their best together fighting in this war, it’s so proper and cute of him. Rin is so cuteee too, I loved how vehemently she denied it when Archer asked her if there was a “special” reason as to why she won’t take advantage of this opportunity to defeat Shirou now. I love that even though Rin knows how difficult it would be to face off against Berserker right now (especially with just Archer), she still told Shirou to run away if the opportunity arose. I really like how Shirou was able to convince Rin that he’s not going to run away by telling her that she shouldn’t tell him to do things that she can’t do herself, and she understood that and accepted him staying here even though it was dangerous. Although Rin is very kind, and I guess she just wants him to survive no matter what, but Shirou is right, if Saber is here, he can’t just run away. And technically, we should be glad he stayed, because if he didn’t grab Saber away from Berserker, she would have been hit by Archer’s “Noble Phantasm” arrow. Gotta love how Archer didn’t care about it hitting Saber as well, you can see why Shirou wouldn’t like him lol. As usual though, Shirou was really cool to cover Saber when the “arrow” (he legit used a sword as a projectile) hit and formed a freaking crater lol.

Rin is so sweet for staying beside Shirou the whole night waiting for him to wake up (since he got injured protecting Saber). Lmao when she told him to not thank his enemies or he won’t survive the war, and to not treat other Masters as human beings but just people he needs to kill, and he refutes her words by asking why she didn’t kill him hahahaha. It’s so cute seeing how flustered she became. She’s got such a soft spot for Shirou, she’s just going to keep on making excuses saying it’s “unfair” to kill him when he’s asleep etc haha. I love how they interact though, because even though Shirou seems like the type to be overly considerate of others, he actually actively questions things and points out contradictions in Rin’s words, making their banter really amusing and funny. I loved it when he asked if she was fat LOL, I mean, you have to admit, Shirou’s got guts! Trust usually takes a while to accumulate, but it’s so wonderful how Shirou can completely trust in Saber and think of her as his partner just because they made a contract and shook hands, he’s really so unbelievably cool. I also like how Saber and Shirou’s interaction went, since she was thankful that he saved her from a fatal wound, but she still needed to reprimand him for endangering himself like that. Now that I’m thinking about it though, it feels like the Fate route is focused on Shirou solidifying his belief and maybe Unlimited Blade Works is focused on Shirou questioning his beliefs? And then maybe Heaven’s Feel is when he disregards his beliefs for Sakura? Lmaoo at Taiga’s crazy “whatever” kinda instructions at the archery club when she’s hungry hahhaha.

I’m not surprised at how mad Rin is to see Shirou so careless at school and saying hi to her lmao, especially when she’s given him so many warnings. Lol when she kept chasing after him throughout the school trying to kill/immobilise him so she can take away his Command Spells. Although the situation was serious, it was rather endearing because of how they acted lol. Archer is right that Rin becomes childish when it comes to handling Shirou haha. As a side note, that bad ending where you get hit by her Gandr shot was actually good in a sense (like Taiga says in the Tiger Dojo lmao) because Shirou just goes back to his normal life without having to be involved in the war anymore. Anyway, I always found it really cool when Shirou didn’t hesitate to block the hit by Rider with his hand when she tried to kill Rin (who was tending to the unconscious girl that had her life forced sucked out). I always think it’s pretty crazy how Shirou could interest Rider enough that she doesn’t straight off kill him but kinda plays around with him for a bit, but I guess seeing any other Master aside from Shinji would make you realise how crappy Shinji is lolll. Considering how adamant Rin was on hurting Shirou before, it was really nice to see how concerned she was when he was about to be killed/tortured by Rider, but I guess she was only hurting him so she could protect him in the long run though haha.

I really like Archer’s contrast with Saber. He’s a Heroic Spirit that was called to the war not by his own free will, and has no desire for the Holy Grail, yet is forced to be used here as a tool for it. Sure, he has a certain amount of free will, but in the end, he is controlled by “others” into existing here and fighting for humans who will never be grateful for his actions of saving them from war or pain or anything. But honestly, it’s kinda crazy how Archer says a lot of things Shirou has said before, especially when he said he did not have a wish he could not make come true in his past life, this is exactly what Shirou said in the Fate route when they asked if he desired the Holy Grail. Shirou has always been someone who fulfills his wishes with his own powers and works towards those goals. That dream Shirou had on the 6th day of (spoiler!) Archer’s life was so saddening. The VN obviously doesn’t reveal it yet, but when you know it’s about Archer who sacrificed his afterlife to gain the power to save the people around him, yet be reprimanded by other people for only saving people in his sight, it really makes you understand how battered his heart became because of them. He never expected anything in return, he only did what he could to help others because he didn’t want people to suffer, but I don’t think he ever expected he could actually be treated negatively because of it. And I think those lines still cut me to this day, the fact that he saved everybody in his sight but could not save the most important person of all, which was himself. He did everything for others and lost himself to the point he realised how stupid it was to do all these things for others and neglect himself when no one even cared about what he did. By realising how futile it all was, he hated himself for being so stupid from the very beginning. You can really see why he hates Shirou so much, and you can also really see why Shirou instinctively hates Archer so much as well, because Archer is the epitome of what he refuses to become. But yeah, Shirou is definitely the one that gets to benefit the most from cooperating and allying with Rin lol.

I hate saying stuff like this but omg, if Shinji isn’t the biggest piece of shit ever, I don’t know who is. I can’t believe he’s literally telling everyone in school by spreading rumours about Mitsuzuri (Captain of the archery club) looking trashed up in an alley with her uniform all messed up when they found her (since she was missing for a day). It’s absolutely disgusting of him to spread such stories, it’s so distasteful and infuriating! Even if he doesn’t like her because she’s bossy to him or whatever, ugh, he’s seriously such trash. Hahaha I love how if you leave Taiga to do the cooking, Shirou and Saber end up eating disgusting food, and Saber busts out her armour to take it out on Shirou during training because he didn’t cook hahaha. It’s interesting to see Shirou try and get out of Caster’s magic that’s controlling him even if it wasn’t likely he’d be able to get out of it himself. I always thought it was pretty ridiculous how Caster can summon a Servant, but I guess considering how much of a top class magi she is, it’s not exactlyyy unrealistic, especially if the only criteria to be a Master is to be a magi capable of summoning lol. In addition, she has to be stronger than all the others since unlike Saber and them, she’s been accumulating a lot of life force/magical power from all those souls she’s taken and the other life forces she’s constantly consuming at a rate where she’s not killing all the people in town but she is taking a lot of people’s life forces. But yeah, as Archer said, she definitely broke the rules doing that. I guess it also makes it logical for Assassin to be a fictional hero; a “fake” Master with a “fake” hero is fitting…

I’m kinda surprised Archer deliberately missed when he shot Caladbolg at her, I guess it’s because he just wanted to show her that he’s just as strong as Saber and them (since she looked down on him), but also wanted to keep her around so that she could take care of other Masters like Berserker for him since Rin is dilly dallying with Shirou around? I guess the thing about Archer is that he’s focused on the belief that nobody can be saved if you try to save everybody, it’s because he used to think naively like that that it backfired on him, so now he’s more into the idea that he might as well sacrifice the least amount of people for his goal, and in a sense, he is right that Rin or Shirou need to be the ones to win the Holy Grail because they’re the only Masters that won’t misuse it and cause destruction. I’m honestly surprised that Archer still pursued Shirou to kill him even when he was able to escape back to Saber. I guess Archer is very confident in his capabilities. As usual, Assassin is a very honourable guy, he wouldn’t let Archer attack them, especially if he already said he’s going to let Saber go for the night. But yeah, I can understand why Archer would want to kill him, I mean if Shirou is gonna throw away his life chasing after Caster like that (when he obviously can’t win), Archer might as well kill him instead.

Hahahah I absolutely love Rin and Shirou. Especially when she was wandering outside his class waiting for him to come out to talk to him (probably worried about him after what Archer did), and when he does, he asks if it’s because she forgot her lunch money, and then he emphasises that he can’t give her his lunch but he can lend her some money🤣🤣🤣 I loved it when she shouted at him calling him an idiot and the whole world froze for a second and went back to normal trying to ignore the fact that the number one girl and perfect student with proper manners in the school just did something like that hahahaha. They’re so adorably awkward, it’s so cute and funny. I can’t believe she actually used a Command Spell on Archer though (to forcibly stop him from attacking Shirou during their alliance)! Wow! It’s really cool how reliable Shirou was when the boundary field activated, I guess you can really count on him when it counts😆 To think Rider could be killed in one hit though, and it was subtle enough that even though Rin and Shirou were heading there, they didn’t notice it at all. I thought it was really sweet to see how much Rin lacked her usual composure facing all this, I think it’s pretty understandable considering how these are people in the same school and they’re either literally melting or half dead, you can say, it’s Shirou who’s weird for being able to face all of this logically. But it’s good that he was there to support her, since even if she is stronger than him magic wise, she needed him there to help her regain her senses. Lmaoo, I loved it when Shirou told Issei to take his shirt off to check for Command Spells hahaha. On another note though, that Tiger Dojo 18 was so sudden and scary!! It’s crazy to know that Caster probably has everyone in Ryuudou Temple under some sort of control where if someone asks them suspicious stuff, she’ll get them to kill the person asking and then themselves!! That’s absolutely terrible! Seeing Issei die in that bad end was traumatising because I really like him.

Playing the routes back to back, you can really see how Saber and Archer’s lives were rather similar, in that they both lived for others and were both betrayed by the ones they “saved”. But I guess the difference is that they both came to this war for entirely different reasons after experiencing that. They’re both entrapped by their past, and they both desire a different outcome because they’re inherently dissatisfied with the result of their decisions. I see…a heroic spirit is a guardian of humanity, and so even though Archer was satisfied when he died, it was after his death when he became a guardian that changed his perspective of things. As a guardian, all he did was be called upon to save the world when it was nearing destruction because only guardians can change that fate, but the fact was, the more he was called upon, the more he was faced with the ugliness of humanity that caused their own destruction yet always relied on people like him to clean up their messes for them. And I guess it was through all this that he slowly became cynical towards everything and his own ideal. I mean, what is his ideal worth when the people he’s supposed to be saving aren’t worth it to him anymore?

I find it soo cuteee how Saber enjoys eating Shirou’s food so much but is too shy to admit that she really likes to eat🤣 It was so funny when she tried to tell him in a subtle way that yes he should cook before they go out to fight Kuzuki lol. Omgg Tiger Dojo 19 is so terrible!! To think that Kuzuki would so ruthlessly strike Rin’s head off, like wow, I know he’s got the magic from Caster to enhance his power but, just wow. Lmaooo at the Tiger Dojo making fun of Rin’s head flying off though, it made such a seriously saddening ending hilarious hahahah. Honestly though, Saber really lets her guard down a lot imo even though she’s strong lol, but you have to admit that Kuzuki is impressive with his hand to hand combat skills. In a way, he’s probably similar to Kirei, a strong fighter that tries to find emotions in things but is unable to. Oh, and it was really silly of Caster to ask Kuzuki to take care of Shirou and Rin instead of Saber tbh, but I guess it’s Kuzuki’s fault as well, since if he cared more about winning, then he would have just defeated Saber and they all would have been done with the battle already and gotten rid of two Masters. But, I guess it’s mainly Caster’s fault since Kuzuki said he’ll let her do what she wants and he’ll just follow and see how it goes whilst protecting himself. But yeah, not sure if it’s Caster’s pride or just her lack of judgment (or both), but her thinking of using her magic to deal with Saber when she had already repelled it before with her magical resistance really shows how she cares more about her pride than winning in any way possible. But yeah, after losing that chance, it definitely wouldn’t be advisable to face a healed Saber who knows Kuzuki’s attack pattern now.

Gotta love how Rin just did whatever she wanted and stayed over at Shirou’s house hahaha. I was really happy that she did that though, because it gave her time to talk with Shirou on the porch and they could talk more about each other. I guess what I really love about Rin is how driven she is, and how the path of a magus was something set out for her from the very beginning and wasn’t really her choice, but she’s someone that has made it her choice rather than it being something that was forced on her. If she’s going to do it, she’ll be the best at it and she’ll do anything to achieve that whilst maintaining that “innocent” part of her that Shirou sees, I think. On the other hand, Archer’s talk with Shirou was something heavy, mainly because he understands how terrible it will become if Shirou continues as he is saving people on this “borrowed ideal” where he only wants to succeed the promise he made to Kiritsugu before he died, as well as carry the responsibility of all the people who died ten years ago instead of him. He saves other people for them but doesn’t think about himself. In a sense, I guess that kinda is the difference between him and Rin, Rin carries the burdens as a magus and as the descendant of an old magus family, but she doesn’t let those traditions control her, she still does what she wants whilst maintaining her role as a magus like her father wanted. Whereas Shirou is controlled by the burdens he carries, instead of doing what he wants to do, he tries to make it that things like being a superhero etc are things he wants to do, and he tries his best to think of ways to make it become what he wants to do so he does whatever he can, but it’s just like Rin says imo, just as he doesn’t have “fun” training with magic and doing other things in his life, he doesn’t really think of becoming a superhero as something he wants to do, but instead as a responsibility as a “survivor” and because he promised Kiritsugu. Archer is right, Shirou lacks a reason to fight, if he keeps fighting for these ideals, then the only thing he will save are these ideals, he won’t be able to save anyone, not even himself.

Overall, for now, I definitely enjoy UBW more than Fate just because I feel like the Rin and Shirou dynamic/relationship is much more fun and interesting than how it was with Shirou and Saber. In addition, I really like how Shirou and Saber interact in this route, they’re friendly but not overbearing on each other and it’s so nice to see that loll. They feel much more like partners when romance isn’t interfering with them lol. On the other hand, the foreshadowing for Archer feels much more blatant in the VN, or maybe it’s because I know that it makes it seem like it’s shoving it a lot in your face lol, otherwise though, I still very much enjoy the discovery and understanding of Archer’s past and how even though they “hate” each other, they can’t help but be affected by each other, especially with Shirou copying his fighting style and even his swords.

#fate stay night

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ganymedesclock · 6 years

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I’ve been @-ed on a post, so, my two thoughts on the whole “Romelle is lying” thing, and, this may surprise you given the great affinity I have for Lotor... but I think Romelle really needs to be defended here.

Lotor makes it clear he did exactly what Romelle is accusing him of.

Look at his reaction as soon as he sees her. This is not someone with a clean conscience looking at another Altean whose ancestors he saved and his only concern is how the paladins found her / what she’s doing away from the colony and what that means for the colony’s security.

Lotor knows, as soon as he sees / hears Romelle and what she’s saying, exactly what she’s talking about. He’d never play along with something that blackens his name and ruins all of his opportunities like that. Much less, he wouldn’t continue trying to clarify this thing to Allura.

I love Lotor and I really do believe Lotor has it in him to be a better person. Narratively I even think we’re going there. But the colony is super obviously Lotor’s personal demon to grapple with. We don’t know his reasons yet, partially because it would be really unreasonable to demand Allura or Romelle actually sit and hear him out when the conversation opens with “okay, so, there might have been some vampirism going on, for generations, but...”

If Romelle was a liar she’d be gambling on some truly bizarre factors so far out of her control that not even someone of Haggar’s resources could have actually planned for it to happen

Let’s compare this to Rolo’s scheme in s1e6.

Rolo has a very convenient story that could have happened to anyone, his ship was stranded in what he knew via the information put out by Prorok’s bounty was Voltron’s direct flight path (since Prorok knew they’d come back to the Balmera and, given he has a planet full of hostages and Shay in particular, they’re going to take a very direct route there).

He’s got the resources to cut and run if it goes south on him (given he wasn’t captured by the galra after Prorok tried to double cross him and the Lions damaged his ship, he presumably actually had the parts to repair it himself, was able to toss a quick patch job together and get out of Dodge before Prorok showed up), he’s got the experience to have pulled off stuff like this before- he’s made it clear that he’s successfully robbed the empire before and that’s a much dicier mark than Voltron who you can count on being good people.

And that’s also it- Rolo knows the legend of Voltron and whether or not he really believes in it at this point, he knows these people are trying to live up to the legend of being the Super Helpful Goody Two Shoes of the universe. They’re gonna stop for a stranded ship putting out a distress signal, which he has, so he can guarantee they won’t miss him. And in the off chance they do? No skin off his back, he fixes the pipe and is out of there.

Look at Romelle’s situation.

Her story is fantastical. There’s no guarantee someone would believe her. If we take the assumption that the whole colony’s fake besides her, how precisely is she supposed to cover her butt if someone tries to blow her off and insists on questioning the other colony Alteans on her story?

She’s not in a good place; she’s on the far side of the quantum abyss, and there’s no impetus for anyone, much less Voltron, to come looking for her. Is anyone going to notice Lotor’s quintessence supply route? Is anyone going to care? If they do both (as they did) it’s going to take them a long time to hunt it down and longer to make it through the abyss to get to her colony.

Furthermore, if it had been, say, Ranveig following up on it rather than his Blade infiltrator ex-lieutenant, Romelle as an Altean would have been likely killed.

She has no guarantee who’s gonna follow this breadcrumb trail, at what rate they will, and what their intentions will be once they get to the colony. She can’t guarantee, as Rolo is, that she’s dealing with some humanitarian types who’ll help as soon as they come. Even assuming she can observe Keith and Krolia through hidden cameras, which is unforeshadowed, Krolia’s wearing imperial armor and Keith’s dressed like a Blade with his human-looking face hidden until he’s already inside the colony.

Romelle’s in the worst place to present herself as a ruse here. She’s doing an obvious time-sensitive task, washing her clothes, that she can’t just effortlessly cycle here by the river waiting for someone to show up. She draws Keith’s attention by humming but nobody, again, gambling on strangers the character of which she has no way to evaluate, would want to distract themselves, wait for potentially a long time, and expose their unguarded back to the wilderness when they’re someone most of the empire would want to shoot on sight.

The only way she’d be able to predict Keith and Krolia were coming would be if her presumed employer, Haggar, kept tabs on the situation and frequently updated her, which... Krolia is a career intelligence agent who covered her tracks very well, and Keith’s with Voltron, and we know Haggar has a tab on Voltron that isn’t Keith. She started using Shiro’s eyes against the team well after Keith parted ways with them in s4e1 so Keith would be an unknown to her.

There’s nothing obvious about Krolia’s connection with Keith. Haggar’s not going to waste resources tracking random imperial soldiers that might resemble one of the paladins on the off chance one of them is actually a very human-looking half-galra and his parent is currently infiltrating as an imperial soldier.

If there was some other reason that Haggar was tracking Keith or Krolia, we’d have seen foreshadowing of it by now. And either way, Haggar has zero guarantee whatsoever that those two are going to go to the abyss when they could just as easily phone it into the Blade and have them send someone else.

For Haggar to have set this up, that would require bullshit levels of omniscience. Furthermore, Haggar would have to waste resources setting this all up in the most backwater place conceivable that nobody would logically stumble across through any means other than this highly specific and difficult to trace breadcrumbs trail.

And of course, again, she’d have to somehow convince Lotor to fess up, and if she can manipulate confessions out of Lotor, she has no reason to do any of this in the first place.

If the takeaway is that Romelle’s just an opportunist who didn’t plan much, there would be a really good question as to why so much corroborated her story. I think the most you could possibly accuse her of lying of in that case is making up Bandor or painting her suspicions as more righteous, and, I really grit my teeth at the idea of “let’s accuse an emotionally vulnerable teenage girl of pretending she had a brother that was killed”. And if Bandor was really there, and really died, which we have every reason to believe at this point... that basically means the only details she might have possibly lied about would be so incredibly trivial that it would be breathtakingly petty to throw out her whole story on account of her going “WELL but I never trusted this second colony business!” if she did, in fact, trust the second colony at first.

(And even that kind of lying doesn’t really seem like her. At best, she could be retroactively emphasizing her convictions on account of bitterness and sense of betrayal, not wanting to give Lotor credit she may have in the past)

If Romelle is an agent of Haggar, she’s a victim and her life is in danger

Romelle is definitely not Haggar herself in disguise because we’ve obviously seen them in two different places. Haggar also manipulated Shiro to attack and injure Romelle along with everyone else on the bridge once she took control.

Romelle is an Altean. She’s a young Altean who seemingly lacks combat skills. Haggar has been the other leading head of an empire that’s spent the last ten thousand years trying to hunt Romelle’s people into extinction.

And while that’s Zarkon’s edict rather than Haggar’s, we have... yet to see Haggar exercise any sort of goodwill to the two other Alteans she’s interacted with: Allura and Lotor.

Haggar rarely has willing spies. When she does, they’re imperial soldiers who are honor-bound to follow her as Zarkon’s presumed consort and a person of great influence within the empire.

When Haggar has a spy who’s a looked down minority within the empire- Shiro, Narti- they’re not willing subjects. Assuming Romelle may have somehow been manipulated against Lotor by Haggar doesn’t make Romelle less of a sympathetic person, and it definitely doesn’t make her threatening. VLD just got done making us cry over a clone of Shiro and painting it as the moral right thing to do to save and empathize with that clone who was terrified, heartbroken, and in considerable pain from Haggar exploiting him.

Even if we somehow assume Haggar’s controlling Romelle, the takeaway here is that the loss and pain and fear Romelle’s experiencing would still be completely authentic because Haggar doesn’t spare thoughts for the feelings of her puppets. And, again, there’s all the rest of the negative evidence to contend with here.

A synthetic environment does not suspicion make in a scifi environment where this is showcased as a wholly mundane tool and element of life

Alteans use synthetic environments. This is documented technology and it’s not just for Alfor’s AI flower field. Identical technology is used to house Kaltenecker, for presumably the same reasons as the colony: living creatures are more comfortable in beautiful pastoral environs as opposed to claustrophobic metal structures. This also applies to sentient beings, in fact, more so, because a sentient being more than a cow will complain about things like aesthetic taste.

Considering the gap in time between Lotor establishing the colony and Lotor turning to it for resources, presumably, Lotor overwhelmingly built the colony with its subjects’ happiness and comfort in mind.

There’s also no particular effort to hide the colony’s simulated environment which is another mark against it being a sinister warning that something here is false. And heck, everything about the colony- its location in the quantum abyss, that from the outside it looks barely habitable much less inhabited- makes perfect sense if you assume Romelle’s story is completely true, and this was where Lotor desperately tried to hide his people from Zarkon’s prowling eyes.

The simulated environment is just a way to do that without cutting into the Alteans’ comfort, which, even if Lotor was wiling to take quintessence from them, it’s clear that was a priority for him. With Lotor’s power and resources compared to them, he could easily have swept in there, gone, “surprise, I’m a vampire, I’m drinking you all” destroyed the meager transport ships they had and then gone to work all at once. The story about the second colony, the memorial... reflects exactly what Lotor said in his own defense. He feels guilty, he doesn’t want to hurt them, but he also, for some reason, thinks he has no choice but to select out the “higher energy” members of the population and tap their energy.

Why is the colony in a picturesque pastoral bubble? Because real Altea isn’t something they can have, so they settled for fake Altea.

It bothers me, as someone who loves Lotor, that we would try to defend him by attacking a female character who’s obviously the victim here

Romelle is a young teenager who by all accounts left everything she knew to travel across the universe with strangers, knowing said universe is highly inhospitable to her entire species, in order to confront a very powerful person who as far as she knew killed her entire family.

Yeah, I feel bad for Lotor. Yeah, I feel like Lotor really needed help and didn’t get it during the finale. Yeah, I think the writers deliberately wanted us to feel that way.

Romelle is the last person we should be turning on here. Even if she did mislead the paladins, which we have no evidence of, that would point to her being a victim of the empire and someone who needs help. It’s pretty darn clear she’s scared of Lotor, and has good reason to be!

Everything about Romelle’s story checks out. There’s frankly nothing suspicious about her. People point to DotU and Haggar impersonating Romelle but that happened once- it would be a lot more suspicious if the Altean we were dealing with was named Orla, when that person IIRC overwhelmingly existed as an infiltration effort by Haggar. Romelle was a character who had a lot of history and presence in the original as herself and not an impostor- and as herself, she’s shown as someone initially charmed by Lotor who later furiously declares that she hates him because he gets her brother killed.

If we’re grabbing evidence from DotU, it’s not on Lotor’s side here. (Albeit DotU Lotor was a lot more on board with the whole conquering and hurting the heroes thing and cheerfully wanted to add Romelle to his harem, which is... not how this conflict is conducting itself)

Also, if the interest in this exercise is defending Lotor’s good character, it concerns me that we’d gloss over the obviously guilty way Lotor reacts, especially the other signs of a heavy conscience that littered the colony and Romelle’s story

The fact of the matter is, the reason I’m willing to sorta stay on Lotor’s side here is because I believe that the writers are deliberately introducing this element for a reason, combined with how they’ve already done a lot to humanize Lotor and endear him to the audience compared to his prior incarnations.

The writers keep emphasizing that the overwhelming majority of Lotor’s input and stated opinions are completely sincere, and that’s reinforced even after we know Romelle’s story, but before Lotor knows she’s there and Allura knows about her. We see Lotor, with Allura, feeling happy, and safe, and genuinely adoring her. He’s gentle, he’s compassionate- it would be so easy to give us some sinister angle or hint that something foul is in the works for Allura if she continues to cooperate with him.

Instead, in trying to defend himself to Allura, Lotor makes it incredibly easy for Allura to take him down. It’s not even a fight. It’s practically a joke given what we know of Lotor’s reflexes and combat capabilities.

So my thinking here is the writers have something planned in the works for the colony. Lotor’s fascination with the rift definitely takes a new angle that the energy sources he had were paid for in blood and he didn’t want that- so perhaps part of the salvation Lotor saw in the infinite “clean” energy of the rift was being able to revive the Alteans using that quintessence and Oriande’s secrets. After all, the drained Alteans weren’t cast aside and piled in a heap.

But even then, that doesn’t make it all better. Lotor lied to those people and by his own admission even if most of them are hanging in there in suspended animation and could be restored to health, not all of them are. Bandor, in particular, crash-landed a ship back to the colony. And when Bandor’s one of the most important people to Romelle...

There’s going to be a conflict between Romelle and Lotor. And it should be. And Romelle has a damn good point. I’m pretty sure the better side of Lotor wants to be held accountable for what he did- just not how it happened which took the rift out of his grasp and thus scrambled any opportunity he might’ve had fixing it.

Lotor basically fed on the other Alteans. He may have wished he didn’t, but he still did. He felt like he had no other options, but he still did it. And it feels... really, really uncomfortable to cast aspersions on, again, the vulnerable girl who lost her entire family to this.

Her parents? Bandor? All “went to the new colony”, and in Bandor’s case, again, if there’s any life support for the drained people he got away from that. Even if Lotor can fix the overwhelming majority of this, there’s going to be an awful lot he can’t fix- people who’ve been there for so long there’s not much left, people who teetered too close to the brink and fell off, or people like Bandor who escaped and probably died in the process.

This is blood that’s gonna stay on Lotor’s hands. And however they handle his character going forwards, the reason why I’m willing to be sympathetic to the writers isn’t because I think it can be swept under the rug or easily forgiven- but rather, because I trust the writers to not introduce something like this and not intend to meaningfully deal with it.

But in the meantime? I understand completely if people, in-universe or out, have a hard time sympathizing with Lotor. Just because narratively I think an answer’s coming doesn’t mean it’s here yet and it’s hard to evaluate a hypothetical future response.

In the meantime, fellow people who feel bad for Lotor... please don’t attack Romelle over this. Especially when Lotor himself doesn’t. His whole stance in response is “yes, she’s right about that, what she says happened is true, and, frankly, that was terrible, but the important thing is that doesn’t have to continue! I am beyond ready to give that up forever the rift is right here Allura please-”

#voltron legendary defender #vld #Romelle #Lotor #season 6 #readmore

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