#it's not to say that she even has a bad relationship with her family. it's just like it's complicated
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Disney, hire me as your Attachment Advisor, I will shove so many George Lucas quotes at your producers and writers, I will shove so many context-laden clips from the movies and TCW at your creatives, I will make powerpoint essays about how it's more Buddhist-aligned, not Attachment Theory-aligned, I will cite literally every time attachment has ever been discussed by Lucas AND in the show itself and show you that it's always aligned with fear, possessive feelings, and selfishness, I will do this work for you for free, I can even literally just point you to my Jedi Citations collection, DISNEY, HIRE ME AS YOUR ATTACHMENT ADVISOR, I CAN HELP YOU.
Everything I saw in the show aligned perfectly with my view of what the Jedi mean by attachment from the movies (especially with Episode II). You fail to understand that George Lucas words outside of the movies mean shit. You cane have the largest collection of words that has come out of Lucas's ass and it still does not change the movies. Look at the poster for AOTC. A Jedi shall not know love. Obi-Wan speaks beautifully about the undercurrent of remorse he feels for not being able to have an attachment with Satine because he lives by the Jedi Code which forbids it.
You people are so delusional.
Hi! You are so right bestie it has been way too long since I've talked about my love for Mace Windu! You are so right to have brought this up and I will meet your challenge!
He is the Force's strongest soldier because the absolute nonsense he has to put up with every day, as someone who deals with the rest of the Council being hilarious assholes, who deals with Kenobi and Skywalker's nonsense, who has Yoda as a friend, and yet he seems to genuinely like all of these people?? Even when they're bonkers?? My man is stronger than I could ever be.
Not to mention, he goes on a whole ass mission with Jar-Jar, has to watch him make out with his girlfriend, the queen of the planet who told falsehoods about your family, and you have nothing but patience and kind words to say about them, and you only roll your eyes a little at Jar-Jar's antics, something even Padme does and she's worked with him even longer than you have, and by the end, you're friends with him, you like him and would probably hang out with him again if the chance arose???? Mace Windu is on ANOTHER LEVEL from what I would have done in his position!
And he's a former theater nerd! "The Council's gain was the theater's loss." Jocasta Nu says about how he didn't have time for it anymore after he got so busy with the Council, like can you IMAGINE Mace Windu doing plays? I want to know sooooooo bad how Jedi plays are different from non-Force-sensitive people's plays, I want to know what kind of cool effects they create with the Force, I want to know if they use their psychic empath abilities to literally connect with their audience! I want to know DOES MACE WINDU HELP THE YOUNGLINGS STAGE CUTE LITTLE PLAYS IN THE CRECHE? BECAUSE I BET HE DOES.
Because that man is so good with kids! Remember that Star Wars Adventures comic where he was so gentle and sweet with the little Twi'lek girl? Reaching down to help her up, smiling openly at her, walking with her back to her village to make sure she was safe, talking with her to make sure she understood how important and valuable she was in the galaxy? Because I'm still not over that!
His relationship with Anakin in canon is pretty great, too, like, yeah, Anakin should take a seat and stop borderline pitching a fit about getting a rank he didn't earn, and Mace still offered to believe him, despite that Anakin had accepted Palpatine's forcing the Council to put him on it. He still trusted Anakin to help him in that fight against Palpatine! Plus, oh, man, their banter on the Endurance when they're teaching the cadets? That was such good-natured teasing, that was exactly the kind of banter Anakin would have had with Obi-Wan, and by the end of that whole fiasco (do you ever think about when Anakin was in danger and Mace yelled, "Anakin!" and desperately yanked him to safety, because he was worried about him? because I think about that a lot), Mace complimented Artoo by saying he saw what Anakin saw in him, that he was complimenting Anakin at the same time?
Or pretty much EVERY interaction between Mace and Yoda is absolute hilarity, the side-eye they give each other, the teasing Yoda does when Mace is on a mission with Jar-Jar, the way Mace holds his hand out in the comics for Yoda to springboard off of into the middle of a fight? ICONIC FRIENDSHIP, I WOULD TAKE A WHOLE NOVEL ABOUT IT, DISNEY.
Or that time even AT THE END OF THE CLONE WARS, like they are just a MONTH out from Revenge of the Sith, if that, and Mace is STILL trying to get the droids to stand down, that he's destroyed thousands of them, none of them have listened, but he's still trying, offering them a better life away from the war, a purpose again, even if he knows it probably won't work, that man still believed in compassion for anyone and everyone.
Like, baby Boba Fett TRIED TO KILL HIM and Mace STILL argued for leniency and rehabilitation, rather than jail, because he saw a young child who was hurting and he wanted better for him. He was direct with Boba, he didn't try to befriend him, Boba would never have accepted that, but he told him, you're going to have to get over your hatred for me, he says this for Boba's sake, not his own, because he knows what poison the desire for revenge is, look at the path it's already leading Boba down.
Or EVERYTHING WITH THE ZILLO BEAST, he tried so hard to rescue that poor creature, he fought the Senate so hard, he was so gentle with the hand he carefully pressed to its face, even when the Zillo beast was dangerous, even when it had attacked them and could so easily kill more, he wanted leniency for it, he wanted to save it because he understood where it was coming from.
Or EVERYTHING WITH PROSSET DIBS, that guy tried to murder him, was ranting about how he would dance on their graves or whatever, and Mace looks at him and says, we need to help him, it's our duty to help him find the light again. And his big punishment is literally just library duty, because when Mace can decide the outcome, that guy always goes for helping people, always goes for the option that would bring them back to the light.
Even as a young Padawan, his greatest struggle was to temper his anger, which was sparked because PEOPLE WERE BEING HURT by the false prophet on Mathas, he was angry because he saw how many people were suffering and the people in charge just let it happen, his heart hangs heavy when he witnesses people in pain, because Mace Windu deeply, deeply cares about the people in the galaxy.
He cared about civilians, he cared about clones, he cared about his fellow Jedi, he didn't have to be bouncy or super smiley to show that, either. It was in every action he took.
He cared so much.
And, okay, yeah, he was COOL AS HELL AND WOULD HAVE BEATEN PALPATINE'S WRINKLED ASS IN A FAIR FIGHT.
OR THAT TIME ON RYLOTH THAT WAS LITTERALLY THE COOLEST SCENE THEY EVER ANIMATED, THE SOUND DROP? THE ABSOLUTE BANGER PHYSICAL STUNTS MACE WAS CAPABLE OF? GODDAMN HE WAS SO GOOD.
AND LEST WE FORGET--CUTEST BB YOUNGLING EVER!!!!
#lumi.txt#star wars#mace windu#meta#i make myself laugh and that's all that's important#long post#feral gremlin length post
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DOOMED SIBLINGS: THE TODOROKIS VS. THE FIRE NATION ROYAL FAMILY
I received an ask in my inbox about how Zuko doesn't owe Azula any forgiveness. Truthfully I wasn't even going to respond because this isn't an avatar blog, but then I watched this video.
Not only do I disagree with the basically everything in this video, but I am going to make the argument that both Zuko' and Azula's arcs are both incomplete with the way the show left the two of them in the final showdown.
In order to make my argument I'm going to compare Azula and Zuko's relationship in avatar to Shoto and Toya's relationship in My Hero Academia and use the latter as a more positive example.
Unnecessary Redemption Arcs
The common fandom opinion I want to argue against is this idea that Azula's ending is a perfect tragedy, and therefore doesn't need to be expanded upon. There's also a sentiment that redeeming Azula would somehow ruin the impact of this perfect tragedy.
I'm about to argue against both of these points.
Azula's arc doesn't work as a tragedy.
Because of this her arc is unsatisfying and unfinished.
I'm going to address the first bullet point but before that let me add another disclaimer. The reason why I think Azula's arc isn't an effectively written tragedy isn't because I like Azula.
Before we even get into the My Hero Academia comparison let me bring up something completely different. I do like Azula, but I like Terra Markov from Teen Titans a lot more and I would not change a thing about her tragic end.
AZULA'S ARC IS NOT A WELL-WRITTEN TRAGEDY
Terra in the comics is what a lot of people accuse Azula of being. She is stated in the text and by her creators to be an unfeeling sociopath. She was also never intended by her creators to be redeemed.
[About Terra] The very first time we see her, she’s trying to blow up the Statue of Liberty. It’s just that all the fans assumed because we went out of our way to make her cute — but not too cute, with the buck teeth and everything — everyone would assume that she was gonna become good by the end and that was never the case.
First thing, we made a promise that day that we would never renege on our view that she’d never become good. It’s sometimes hard to do that with characters you like. You want them to become good or something like that. But we never liked the character enough—because we knew what we were doing with her—we never allowed ourselves to fall for the character. Because that’s bad. That’s bad storytelling. You’re doing what you want as a fan at that particular point, not as the creators. T
Now let me clarify, both creators of New Teen Titans say some nasty things about Terra and don't recognize her sexual abuse, but here's the thing. You don't have to read a story 100% the way the author intended, sometimes the story says one thing and the text says something different.
I am going to use Judas Contract as an example of a story where the character from the start was never intended to be redeemed and why that's a positive in this case.
Terra is a teenage girl, the bastard daughter of the king of Markovia and a random American woman who presumably has had no stable home her entire life because she's working as a mercenary at fifteen. She teams up with a man that is in his mid fifties and even starts a sexual relationship with him (this is statutory rape she cannot consent) and Deathstroke uses her to infiltrate the Teen Titans and learn as much as possible.
Terra is sent to live with the team and spy on them for several months. The whole time she only ever engages with them in a fake spunky persona, and never shows her real cutthroat self. She leads Beast Boy on in a fake romance to make him trust her and secure her place on the team. The way you'd usually expect this arc to go is that Terra would grow fond of the team and be torn in her loyalties.
Yeah, that never happens.
Terra loathes the Titans. In fact she's developed a superiority complex about her meta human abilities and she doesn't understand why anyone would use their powers to help others. She despises the concept of superheroes in general, and because of that never bonds with any of the Titans. Her feelings never change from start to finish, because her creators intentionally wrote her as a character that can't be redeemed.
Terra is written to be a psychopath, but even with that intention in mind there are scene that shows a greater range of emotions. She has what could amount to a trauma flashback when Beast Boy too aggressively flirts with her and tries to kiss her and she reacts violently, trying to bury him under the earth.
Let's go ahead and interpret Terra as what is used as the fictional definition of a "sociopath" that is someone who feels no bonds with other people, someone with shallow emotions and someone devoid of guilt. Even if we interpret her that way, her story is still meant to be read as a tragedy.
Terra succeeds in her mission of infiltrating the Titans. Slade captures most of them, and the only remaining member Dick Grayson goes missing. Dick Grayson then unites with Slade's son Jericho, and the two of them team up in order to rescue the rest of their friends.
Even after all she's done the Titans try to make pleas to Terra during the final battle, which she not only rejects but responds to with violence. Which only confirms what I said above, Terra never grew to love them, she never regretted her actions, she only ever engaged with them with lies.
(Terra always lies, Terra always lies, Terra always lies).
Terra is declared by Raven to be devoid of emotions: "Her thinking is unlike ours. She feels no true love or hate. Her soul is corrupt. What she does is done without remorse."
Even after Raven declares this, however she still pleads with Terra to stop because she's going to hurt herself. Terra feels Slade betrayed her because he favored his son Jericho over her, so she decides to take both Slade and the Titans down. As the Titans fight her she begins to mentally fall apart ignoring their appeals to her and lashing out at everything around her. Eventually she makes one last attempt to everything around her, but the Titans escape and she only manages to bury herself.
At no point in the fight do the Titans give up on trying to reach her even as she's loudly screaming how much she hates them. Even after she's buried and it looks like she's dead, Gar and Donna both try desperately to dig her up on the slim hope she's still alive. When they find the body they even give her a funeral afterwards, even though they all think that Terra was beyond redemption.
Even the prose narration that accompanies her death is incredibly melancholy and bemoans her fate, at the same time as it calls her a outright sociopath.
There's no reasoning with her now. However slim, whatever sanity Tara Markov possessed is gone. Now there is only primal hatred! Hatred born, nurtured, and fanned. Hatred that festers and grows without care, without feeling, without plan. her pursed lips part and the sounds which echoes force are garbled and inhuman. Hot, boiling blood gushes wildly from the earth's open wounds, its skin fractures and cracks, and if a world could cry, it surely would.
Her name is Tara Markov and she is little more than sxiteen years old, and due to the fault of no one but herself she is insane. No one taught her to hate, yet she hates without cause, without reason. No one taught her to destroy, yet she destroys with glee, with relish. Don't look for reasons which do not exist, plainly Tara Markov is what she is, and she has taken a great power and made it as corrupt as she. Hers was the power over the earth itself she could have brought life to deserts, hat to the frozen tundra, food to sraving millions. She could have damned raging rivers, and tunneled water to packed lands dry and dead. her powers were limited only by the mind which controlled them. A mind which sought not hope, not love, not life, but death.
If you go with the text that she is just a sociopath beyond redemption who hates and hates and hates for no reason, the narrative still mourns her because a sixteen year old with her whole life ahead of being consumed by hatred and then dying because of it is in fact sad.
If you read into the subtext then you can argue that the events of the story, contradicts what the narration is telling us. Terra is being sexually groomed and groomed as a child soldier by a man who is much older than her, even if she thinks he's a partner he clearly has all power in the relationship.
If you think about it that way then Terra is the ultimate bad victim. She doesn't cry and call for help as a victim of sexual abuse, instead she tries to claim power for herself, she manipulates, and she destroys any chance she had for a genuine relationship because she only sees all relationships as transactions she can gain or lose from.
Even if you only go with the first interpretation, the narrative still remains tragic because the Titans themselves did not want to give up on her, they did not want to watch this sixteen-year-old girl destroy herself. They never stop reaching out for her and it doesn't work, because there was no way out for Terra but death.
Here's the thing I don't think Terra's status as a sexual victim automatically means an ending where she dies is offensive. It reflects a reality that victims like Terra often go unseen because they don't present their victimhood in palatable ways, and by the time anyone notices it's far too late. Sometimes tragedies are meant to reflect a reality where many people do not get saved.
There's two reasons that Judas Contract works as a tragic story. Number one the creators planned Terra's ending right from the beginning. Which meant they never gave her any moment where she shows that she's redeemable. There's no genuine bond between her and the titans, no wrestling with the guilt of her actions, nothing.
Number two, Judas Contract is Terra's story from beginning to end. It begins with her betrayal of the Titans, and ends with her death. The death is also brought upon herself by her fatal flaw her hatred, which is what makes her the protagonist of a tragedy. Tragedies are stories where heroes are undone by their flaws. Terra also goes out on her own terms. She buries herself underneath her own rocks. Her death is a direct consequence of her inability to let go of her hatred. Terra's not fridged for anybody else's arc, she retains her agency until the exact moment of her death.
To simplify into bullet points, Judas Contract works because:
The creators thought out what they wanted to do with Terra.
Judas contract is Terra's story.
Now, getting to the part where we actually talk about Avatar, and I start complaining about that awful, awful video.
AZULA'S ARC IS NOT WELL THOUGHT OUT
I just went on a long tangent on how Terra, a character written to have no redeemable qualities can still be tragic. How the creators marked her as clearly doomed from the start, and how she brought about her end on herself, how there no redemption for Terra. How this girl had no real chance, and how regardless of the fact Terra is a lil baby sociopath her fall is still tragic because of how well structured the tragedy is surrounding her.
It's awful to kill off a sixteen year old victim of sexual abuse, but the ending just fits because Terra represents a certain type of bad, unsympathetic victim who doesn't get saved.
Azula's arc isn't as well structured. The ending does not fit. I'm going to start by refuting some points in the awful, awful video I did not like.
"Maybe it's okay if Azula's story ends where it does in the series we would separate how we would treat a real 14-year-old girl from a villain in a series, ad that's why any redemption arc isn't need i a story after all. A character needs of deserves a redemption arc when it becomes the most meaningful way to explore their character and place in the story, but a character deserving redemption usually comes before the story really needing it, and I don't think Azula's done anything to deserve it yet. They've got to exhibit some willingness and action to change..."
So the main reason I'm using Terra as my first example is because Terra is the kind of character that Hello Future Me is describing. Terra was written with the specific intention she'd never experience a change of heart, all of the friendships she makes with the Titans are fake, she very loudly experiences no remorse, or even self-reflection over what she is. Terra's pretty proudly a monster and she never experiences any kind of self-doubt or regret over what she's become.
I can disprove right away Hello Future Me's blanket statement (with no actual cited examples, just trust him guys) that Azula never did anything to hint she may deserve redemption. That suggests Azula is an entirely selfish character who uses, manipulates and thinks she's right and worst of all is comfortable being the way she is, and therefore incapable of doing the self-reflection necessary for change.
Azula does show the capacity to do selfless actions several times in the narrative, and even consider the feelings of others. There's the apology scene with Ty Lee and the way she interacts with her friends in general with the Beach where when she's not fighting in a war or trying to complete a mission for her father Azula 1) interacts with her friends in a normal way and 2) seems to express a desire to experience normal relationships not the hierarchical ones she's experienced all of her life.
However, that's not the example I'm going to use as her save the cat moment. I generally intend to interpret that as a sign that even though she treats Mai and Ty Lee as subordinates and that power she holds over them eventually leads to them leaving her, their friendship isn't just Azula abusing them and lording her authority over their heads 24/7.
No, Azula's save the cat moments all revolve around Zuko. Which is funny, because the entire fandom seems to regard Azula as Zuko's evil little sister who exists to do nothing but torment her.
The first and biggest is Azula deciding to bring Zuko home in Ba Sing Se, and telling a lie to her father that he was the one to slay the avatar.
Ozai: I am proud of you, Prince Zuko. I am proud because you and your sister conquered Ba Sing Se. I am proud because when your loyalty was tested by your treacherous uncle, you did the right thing and captured the traitor. And I am proudest of all of your most legendary accomplishment: you slayed the Avatar.
Zuko: [Shocked.] What did you hear?
Ozai: Azula told me everything. She said she was amazed and impressed at your power and ferocity at the moment of truth.
[Inspired partly by this post]
Now the show seems to regard this action as Azula being an evil temptress who is there to tempt Zuko back to her side with everything he thinks he ever wanted.
That's only if you regard it from Zuko's perspective.
Think for a moment from Azula's perspective. Number one, Azula is someone thoroughly indoctrinated into Fire Nation propaganda who measures her self-worth based on 1) military achievement and 2) her father's approval and assessment of her talents. In Azula's own logic (wrongheaded as it is) she's helping Zuko. She's bringing him back home with his place in the line of succession restored and his father's approval.
Azula doesn't benefit from this gesture at all, in fact if her father discovers the lie she has as much to lose as Zuko does.
Now Zuko insinuates that Azula only brought Zuko along and told her father that he was the one who killed the avatar so she could let him take the fall if the avatar turned out to be alive.
However, if you look at the actual order of events that doesn't make sense. Azula saw the avatar die, she didn't know about the spirit water, and therefore had no way of knowing Aang could come back. In fact, it's Zuko who 1) knew about the spirit water and 2) decides to keep the spirit water and the fact the avatar might have survived a secret that is throwing Azula under the bus. After all she has as much to lose as he did and instead of sharing that information with her he decides to keep it all to himself.
Now Azula does imply that if the avatar were to turn out to be alive all of Zuko's glory would dry up, but this is only after Zuko 1) throws accusations at her and 2) makes it's pretty clear he's lying to her putting her on the defensive.
This is also a scenario where Azula doesn't have much to gain by bringing Zuko back, if you look at it from her perspective. If Azula just lets Zuko rot in a ba sing se prison, then her claim to the throne is secure. With Zuko back he's restored in the line of succession. She also, when making the decision to invite Zuko to her side probably didn't need him for her plan to succeed.
There is a dramatic moment of Zuko choosing to side with Azula over Katara which turns the tide in Azula's favor, but Azula can't see into the future and therefore wouldn't be able to predict that happening. If you look at it from Azula's perspective she 1) successfully infiltrated the city, 2) already had the Dai Lee in her pocket. She likely already thought she had the city secure at this point so her decision to extend a hand out to Zuko is therefore likely motivated by selflessness instead of self-interest.
That's important because usually when Azula usually only gives her help to others if it also benefits her in some way. Azula might genuinely see her recruiting Mai and Ty Lee to her side as a member of the royal family extending her favor and giving them status and security in their positions but it has the underlying motivation of 1) she keeps them in a position to beneath her and therefore in her complete control.
Azula will interact with Mai and Ty Lee like friends on the surface, as long she maintains control over them, but if they do anything to something that displeases her she'll do anything to regain her control.
Mai: I thought you ran off and joined the circus. You said it was your calling.
Ty Lee: Well, Azula called harder.
This is set up in Azula's very first interaction with Ty Lee. Azula greets her like an old friends, Ty Lee even seems happy to see her, but the second Ty Lee tries to say no to her Azula goes to extreme lengths to "persuade her". Azula's friendship with Mai and Ty Lee is an abusive friendship because there is a power differential and even if Azula feels genuine affection for them both it's clear they're not allowed to say no. Mai and Ty Lee are put into positions where it's in their best interest to please her, and live in fear of the consequences if they don't do just that.
Here's the thing, I'm not arguing that Azula didn't deserve any consequences for her actions. I'm arguing that the setup doesn't match her eventual ending. Azula is set up to have Mai and Ty Lee leave her from the very first scene that Azula interacts with Ty Lee. It's satisfying because the set up matches the pay off.
It's also tragic because it's Azula continuing the chain of abuse. The video isn't entirely wrong (which is why they came to the wrong conclusion frustrating).
Azula's fall is about how differenting parenting styles can a child. Ozai's affection is exchanged for being useful. Something Azula would go on to repeat with her friends, whereas Iroh's affection is something freely given with patience for imperfections and failures, something Zuko goes then on to repeat.
It's like... there it is it's so close. Here's the thing, Azula is set up for a tragic falling out with Mai and Ty Lee (and one she deserves) but the set up is different with Zuko. Azula's save the cat moment revolves around Zuko, and her genuine attempt to bring her brother home.
Yes, the first time Azula interacts with Zuko in season 2, she tries to take him home by force. However, by the ending of the season Azula's perspective on the matter has obviously changed because she begins by trying to bring him back as a prisoner, and by the end of the season invites him back as an equal.
There's no moment in Season 3 where Azula treats Zuko the way she does Mai and Ty Lee (unless Zuko provokes it first and puts her on the defensive) in fact most of her interactions are either them interacting normally (such as when Azula goes to find Zuko at their old beach house because she knows he'll be there and advises he leave instead of dwelling on their depressing memories) or Azula deliberately trying to look out for Zuko such as when she advises him not to go visiting with Uncle because it'll make others suspicious.
On the other hand, Zuko never at any point looks out for his sister the way Azula is demonstrated looking out for him. He doesn't say, try to tell her where he's going on the Day of Black Sun, or try to convince her the fire nation is wrong. There's a scene in the later part of Season 3 where Zuko is watching Azula fall to her death while sitting on a flying bison and not only sits there and does nothing about it, but sounds disappointed when she doesn't hit the ground and become an Azula Pancake.
That's pretty much the opposite of a save the cat moment. It's a "let the cat fall to their death" kind of moment.
Yes they were enemies at that point, but Zuko's the one who's supposed to learn that affection is something freely given with patience for imperfections and failures, something Zuko goes then on to repeat.
How exactly is he doing that in this scene?
The thing is... this setup doesn't have to be bad. Of course Zuko has trouble has trouble empathizing with Azula, he doesn't even think about sending a letter to Mai, Zuko's shown at this point to be like a healing abuse victim who's understandably focused on himself.
This in fact could be excellent set up with step 1) learning what genuine love and forgiveness is and 2) demonstrating those two things by applying it to others.
However, that's not where we got. We got Zuko watching his sister have a complete emotional breakdown, crying and screaming while chained to a grate and looking somewhat sad.
And once again to bring Terra into this, Terra is what Stay at Home and parts of fandom argue that Azula is. Terra screams at the top of her lungs how much she hates the Titans, how much she was always lying to them, and the Titans STILL try to reach Terra with words, try to de-escalate the conflict, when she's about to bring the rocks falling down on herself warn her she's going to hurt herself, and then when she's buried under rubble try to dig her out begging for her too still be alive.
Terra who's intentionally created by her writers to be as hatable as possible, is shown more compassion by the heroes in her ending than Zuko ever does to Azula. They also give Terra multiple opportunities to change until literally the very last minute, which Zuko doesn't do either.
What's set up is Azula has this save the cat moment with her brother, that Zuko is pretty much the only person she doesn't treat like a subordinate in the story (because she just like Zuko has a craving for familial love she tries to earn from her father). However, her ending with Zuko just taking her down doesn't fit that setup.
Azula's ending only fits if you consider her arc entirely from Zuko's perspective, which is the underlying issue. Azula's not the protagonist of her own tragedy, she's a plot object that's used to benefit Zuko's arc.
Azula's is written to have a downfall, the same way that Zuko loses everything at the ending of season 1 b/c of his inability to give up on the obsessive search for the avatar (and his father's love with it). Azula is written to be left by Mai and Ty Lee (this is the strongest point of writing when it comes to her since it comes from the beginning).
However, she's not written to be left completely alone and insane with the only empathy being shown is that her brother looks kinda sorta sad. That's only good if you view her as an object to further Zuko's arc, because isn't the ultimate culmination of Zuko beating his sister who has always been ahead of him at life? Azula needs to torn down completely without even some small glimpse of a hope of recovery so Zuko can be built up even moreor at least the writers of avatar seem to think so.
However, even Azula just existing for Zuko's growth and character development doesn't have to necessarily be a bad thing. This is where we get to MHA, which does the tragic siblings and the final Ag Ni Kai about 1000 times better with Shoto and Dabi.
THE GOOD
The comparisons between Shoto and Dabi to Zuko and Azula are made pretty often by the fandom. Shoto has a scar, Dabi has blue flames. Shoto has an arc about healing and learning what it means to be a hero, Dabi's arc is about self-destruction.
Dabi's not the center of his own story, he exists to foil Shoto and help Shoto reach the endpoint of his character development however that's not necessarily a bad thing. These are both two pairs of tragic siblings, the main difference is that MHA doesn't feel the need to tear down one sibling in order to build up the other. In fact, the final step to Shoto's arc is HELPING Dabi, not PUTTING HIM DOWN.
Not only that but the decision to help Dabi is a decision that Shoto makes on his own, and him going against the tide of a society that has already given up on Dabi and would much rather have Shoto shoot Dabi like a mad dog. Which makes the decision to do so even more powerful and emblematic of Shoto's growth.
Now you could say that Shoto and Zuko are too different to compare their arcs, Zuko has a redemption arc, and Shoto has what most people would probably term a healing arc. Shoto starts out the series as a hero.
However, this is what annoys me about the redemption arc debate. A redemption arc is really just a normal character arc. However, calling it redemption drags things like morality and forgiveness into the debate. if you take remove the discussion about moral philosophy both Zuko and Shoto have character arcs where they start the story defined entirely by their home situations and their father's abuse (hence why they have big obvious scars on their face), recover from their trauma, and go on to find an identity outside of their father and form healthy non-abusive connections with others.
In fact I'd see the theme of both arcs are the same, to literally find balance within themselves. Shoto is divided quite literally into right and left sides, fire and ice, and even seems to view himself as half of his father and half of his mother. Zuko is someone who's permanently marked and dishonored by the burn scar on his face. He suffers from an internal imbalance as well. Iroh says that Zuko is the descendant of both Roku and Sozin and therefore both pathways are open to him (but wouldn't that apply to Azula too). Zuko says to his father that the fire nation has destroyed the balance to the world and he's going to leave to assist the avatar in order to fix it.
Shoto's balance isn't just about fixing his internal trauma though, it's also about finding a balance between his family which has defined his entire life up until this point, and his desire to become his own hero not the hero his father groomed him into.
It's why the culmination of his arc is Shoto reaching out to save his family member Toya, because it's the ultimate balance in wanting to heal his family, and also the kind of hero he wants to be, someone who saves and brings peace to others instead of just violently putting down villains. He can bring peace to his family and become his own hero in one action.
However, let's go back to the beginning of Shoto's arc, because saving Toya as an endpoint to his arc is set up pretty early on.
Shoto's arc begins with Deku, a stranger breaking down Shoto's walls as an outsider in order to allow him to look past his own trauma and recall for the first time what he wanted outside of his resentment towards his father. This sets up the idea early on for Shoto that sometimes you need outside interference, help you didn't ask for, especially when you can't see outside of your own problems.
What Deku brings about ultimately is a change of perspective, Shoto's so hurt by the memory of his mother throwing boiling water in his face and everything that came after that he can't recall the memory of her telling him he could be who he wanted to be.
But, you want to be a hero right?
Shoto takes away two things from this arc, sometimes you need help even when you're not asking for it, and sometimes a change in respective is required in order to take the first step forward.
He goes to demonstrate these things multiple times, but here's two exaamples. The first Shoto demonstrates immediately after the tournament arc. When Iida is about to go down a dark path and commit a revenge killing on Stain. When, as a result of that IIDA is paralyzed and about to die in an alleyway, it's Shoto who both notices Midoriya and Iida are missing and shows up in the clutch. He's practicing the same thing that Deku taught him in the last arc: Giving help that's not asked for is what makes a true hero.
He even mentions the second idea, that a small change in perspective can be all it takes to save someone, and he wants to do for Iida hat Deku did for him. His words are the one who convinces Iida to stand back up again when he's paralyzed.
If you wanna stop this, then stand up. Because I've got one thing to say to you. Never forget who you want to become!
However Shoto's arc doesn't end here, because one of the major conflicts in MHA is that heroes don't pick and choose who to save and a true hero will give help even to those people who don't ask for it.
This is a point which further develops when Shoto's abusive father starts to show a change of heart at the end of the Pro Hero Arc. Shoto still holds his father accountable for what he did in the past, but he also acknowledges that if he had the capacity to change then so does Enji. This isn't about whether or not Enji is forgivable, this is an extension of what Shoto learned. Shoto originally believed he was controlled by the circumstances of his birth, that his fate was set in stone, but a change in perspective allows him to realize he can determine who he wants to be. So, Shoto is just applying what he's learned, Enji has the capacity to grow.
There's one final piece of setup that I want to cover before showing how these separate dies all culminate in saving Dabi. Shoto's not only someone who has to find balance between his family and his desire to be a hero.
The theme of balance is written into the quirk itself. Enji basically practiced eugenics to create Shoto as his masterpiece. He noticed a flaw in his own quirk where he could only make his flames so hot without overheating. So he arranged a quirk marriage with Rei who possessed an ice quirk to create a hybrid ice and fire quirk that he could use to cool himself off to prevent him from overheating.
Enji only ever cared about the fire half of Shoto's quirk. His ice quirk only exists for his flames to grow stronger. This is shown when Enji is trying to force Shoto to learn all of his signature moves, because he only cares about Shoto's flame quirk. Shoto was created to carry on his father's legacy, and surpass him with an even more powerful flame quirk. Part of his character development is him learning how to use his quirk in his own way.
This is a theme that continues in the class training arc where Enji is still repeating the behavior of trying to force Shoto to learn his signature moves instead of considering what he wants at all, because still Shoto only exists in Enji's mind to carry on his legacy.
This all culminates in Toya's decision to save his brother. The first is his action in choosing to identify with his brother. If Shoto believes in his own capacity to change, and even his father's, then why would he deny Toya that same chance to change?
The foiling between Shoto and Toya isn't supposed to reduce the two of them to "Shoto is the good one, and he's the bad one", but instead Shoto and Toya were both in a point where they were consumed by hatred and couldn't see any other path in life. Therefore if Shoto was able to change because someone gave him help when he didn't ask for it, then Toya not only has the capacity to change - but in order for Shoto to stick to his stated beliefs that the smallest of things can bring about a change in people he has to be the one to give his brother that chance to change.
It's not about whether Dabi is worthy or not, it's about the themes in Shoto's arc finally being paid off.
Shoto's identifying with Toya, and even parts where he tells Bakugo he'll make Toya sit down and make Toya tell him his favorite food indicate that from the beginning Shoto's intention was to find a way to stop Toya without killing him (which is what several of the adult heroes were encouraging him to do).
@stillness-in-green does a more succinct summary of this plan.
Just me?
Because, like, Shouto had a plan. He spent the time between the two war arcs specifically developing a brand-new combat technique that he planned to use to shut down Dabi's combat advantage without killing him. He convinced his dad not to change the plan like Endeavor was hesitantly sounding him out about[1]; he went out and talked and asked questions, and even if they weren't the right words every single time, he did his best and he did it with intention. If Dabi proves to be dead, it won't be because of anything Shouto did to him; it'll be because Dabi himself chose to stand back up, take a warp gate across the country, pick a fight with the guy who doesn't have the power set to shut him down without unduly hurting him, and trying to replicate an Ultimate Move specifically tailored for someone with a balanced power set Dabi doesn't have.
And if Dabi lives, it's still going to be because Shouto booked it across the country and used that same technique to stop him again.
Shoto's decision to save Shoto is also a continuation of his decision to help save Iida from Stain. It's not enough for Shoto to experience a change of heart about his own life, he's got to take what he learned about people's capacity to change, and the importance of connections and then put that into practice and help others the way he was helped.
However, it also further develops the theme of giving help that's not ask for from Iida because Shoto's not saving a mostly heroic kid, he's saving Toya to help break a familial cycle of abuse (because murdering the abuse victim isn't how you end the cycle of abuse... actually).
Shoto's last lines to Dabi are also a refutation of this idea of destiny that he once thought he was ruled by. It's once again, Shoto teaching someone else the lesson he learned. Toya says a warped rail can never mingle with a straight and narrow one! In other words Shoto can never understand or get along with Dabi, because Dabi will forever be defined as the failure because of the circumstances of his brith, whereas Shoto will always be the success.
His final action is a decision to break the cycle they were born into: no, we're gonna mingle whether you like it or not.
Shoto's ultimate move Phosphor is not only a move he designed far in advance to take down Dabi non-lethally, it also is a rejection of his father's teaching method. Toya says he only ever taught me how to turn up the heat. Enji only valued both Shoto and Toya for their flame quirks. Developing his own quirk and breaking away from what his father wanted, specifically in order to save his brother. It's Shoto rejecting what his father created both of them for (a successor to his quirk) and finding his own path. By using that move to take down Dabi he's not only teaching Dabi their flame exists for more than just destruction, he's also by letting Dabi live giving Dabi a chance.
From a conversation with @class1akids
Dabi was the last push to unlock Shoto’s full power. Until then he was on the track of mastering flashfire like Endeavor planned for him (except for his own reasons) but realising the fighting Dabi with fire was gonna kill them both and also he’s simply no match fire only helped Shoto to fully take control of what his quirk is
Like his quirk development goes parallel with how he faces each member of his family and finally meeting Toya is like the last piece of his puzzle to find his own full power and identity.
It's not just Shoto decides to save his brother because he's just that nice, his arc is literally incomplete without it. The act of creating phosphor a move specifically to save Dabi is both him unlocking the full power of his quirk (by balancing the fire and ice sides of his quirk) but also achieving balance between trying not to leave his family behind while at the same time becoming his own person and hero outside of his family circumstances.
Citing my conversation with class1akids again:
Toya is endangering everyone at Gunga. Endeavor has no means to stop him and when he tries to murder suicide Rei interrupts and his “hero way out” is taken. All he can do is watch helplessly as his family is about to burn to death with a bunch of strangers he tried to protect.
But it would do Shoto dirty to use his heart technique to kill his family and the strangers so he comes in a clutch and I see that confrontation as the power trauma vs the power of healing in the family. With Shoto who is a true hero, they can put the fire out and save the family and strangertoo. Shoto become a balanced hero and bring relief and reassurance, Endeavor was completely helpless, and Toyas inner child got the attention he wanted, plus depending on how you read it, he may have become less suicidal.
Shoto also, and I want to point this out desires to stop his brother not to take him down but because he doesn't want him to hurt any more people. He's again finding a balance between two ideas 1) Shoto needs to stop his brother in order to stop him from creating more victims and 2) Shoto needs to find a way to stop him that's not just putting him down because Toya himself is a victim.
Shoto also, and I must point this out for the comparison between Zuko and Azula goes out of his way to engage Dabi in conversation, ask him why he didn't come home and what happened to him in the years after he died. This is especially poignant because unlike Zuko and Azula who grew up together, Shoto basically had no relationship with his brother (and the rest of his siblings really) before Toya died because Enji purposefully kept Shoto separate from all the "failures."
So yes, the act of saving Toya is more for the completion of Shoto's arc than any redemption arc for Toya but Toya's not just a plot object to move around for Shoto's arc, Toya has his own agency all throughout. In fact it's the fact that Toya resists being saved every step of the way that provides the challenge that Shoto needs to grow in order to be able to save him.
Toya's not just after revenge against his father that's the surface reason, Toya is also just blatantly suicidal. Toya's birth is marked as a failure, his death wasn't even acknowledged by his family and everything stayed the same in his absence, so he created Dabi while praying at his own shrine in order to mourn Toya. Dabi can't find any meaning in his life where he was born as a failure, so he'll use his death taking revenge against Endeavor for having been born in order to give his life meaning.
What makes Avatar look especially bad in its treatment of Azula in comparison to how MHA treats Dabi, is that Dabi is way, way less redeemable than Azula. For one Azula has clearly proven affection both her friends and her brother (and I don't think she even deserves Mai and Ty Lee's forgiveness they had every right to walk out on her and want nothing to do with her again.)
Dabi is probably the ugliest victim of the League of Villains. The rest of the league have far more moments in their bonds with each other. Toya is the outsider to the league even if there are some subtle hints to his affection (he tries to show up to save Twice, and also burns down Toga's family house to comfort her). The villains are mostly shown to be redeemable by their positive friendship with each other, and Dabi at several points denies the league's bond (he pulls a Terra and yells out loud at the top of his lungs none of the league matter to him). Unlike with Terra you can argue this is most likely Dabi trying to cover up his real feelings. However, the fact that he feels the need to hide his affection from the league shows he's purposefully distancing himself from any bonds whatsoever.
Unlike Azula who has gone out of her way to help her brother in one major way, and also shows hints in early season 3 of having that sibling bond with him Dabi just straight up wants to murk Toya. Azula also tries to murk Zuko, but that's only when Zuko leaves on the day of Black Sun (one without telling her, and two something that probably left her alone to deal with the consequences of lying to her father for his sake). Either way, Azula's behavior in early season 3 is setup for the fact that their sibling bond can be salvaged.
Dabi is way worse to Shoto in comparison. Dabi in the first part never saw Shoto as his own person, just a puppet of his father (puppets have no autonomy or personhood). His feelings towards Shoto only went so far as Shoto was someone who could kill in order to upset Enji. Dabi also doesn't particularly care for the rest of his family as well (only calling out Natsu's name when his brain is literally melting), they're either ways to hurt endeavor, or he wants to drag them in hell with him. Heck his last words after being saved is telling everyone to die and go to hell.
Dabi doesn't bother to make bonds with the league or have any lingering affection for his family because Dabi's determined to seslf destruct. He's given up on life the moment he saw that he died and nothing changed in that household, now all that's left is for him to create a meaningful death by dragging his family to hell with him.
Dabi is also even as a child made out to be an unpleasant victim. He attacks baby Shoto with his flames early on out of jealousy (even though he later admits that he was being unfair to Shoto). He makes the situation in the house worse by loudly screaming and demanding his father's attention. He screams at his mother and throws her complicity in Enji's abuse in her face.
This is in comparison to Shoto who in childhood flashbacks we are only ever seen either 1) crying, and 2) trying to comfort and protect his mother. Toya's even made out to be difficult to empathize with as a child - which like flew over half of the fandom's heads because he got accusations of somehow abusing his father and the rest of his family in that chapter at 10 years old. However, that in a way illustrates my point.
The fact that Dabi is so disliked by a certain portion of the fandom is because Horikoshi paints such an ugly portrait of Toya in the way he expresses his victimhood. It's done deliberately too, because number one Toya by resisting Shoto's attempts to save him and trying to self destruct instead retains agency as a character. He makes decisions even though they're bad self destructive ones, he's not just a prop. Number two, the fact that Toya is intentionally portrayed as such an ugly victim makes Shoto's decision to break the cycle of familial abuse by saving Toya and not leaving a single family member all the more poignant.
Toya is an uglier victim than Azula, actively trying to kill himself in a way that Azula isn't, and treats Shoto way worse than Azula ever treated Zuko and yet Azula isn't shown the sympathy or given the salvation that Toya is.
Because once again, the writers didn't think about the ending of Azula's arc or of Azula as her own character. Shoto defeating Toya is the culmination of his desire to break the cycle of abuse in his family. Zuko putting Azula down is just to make Zuko look better. It's in service of Zuko's character instead of both of their characters.
THE BAD
Avatar isn't setting up some gritty ending where the bad guys can't be stopped, they can only be killed. In fact it's pretty close in tone to MHA.
Season 3 especially is the season that really begins to hammer in on the themes that even the people on the enemy side are still human after all. The headband shows that Fire Nation children are indoctrinated into the war, but they are in the end still children. There's the story between Avatar Roku and Sozin, and once again Iroh saying that Zuko has both options becoming like Roku or becoming like Sozin available to him (but not Azula I guess). There's Zuko joining Team Avatar, even after he betrayed Katara in Ba Sing Se and should have burnt that bridge then and there. There's Zuko working to earn their trust again when no one on the team really owe it to him.
The main character of the show is a pacifist, who deliberately learns a way to stop Ozai without killing him before the final battle because he doesn't want to break the values taught to him by his culture.
If the entire theme of season 3 is redemption, healing and that the fire nation are not inherently evil then why does Zuko's sister and character foil end the last shot of the series screaming and crying with no one comforting or even attempting to sympathize with her. Why is this one character marked for tragedy in a show that is about redemption and healing and showing compassion to your enemies and very specifically not a tragedy.
Toya literally burns all of the flesh off of his body, and somehow he has a gentler ending than Azula, because at least Toya's arc ends with all the members of his family showing up to try to cool down his flames, and when he's on the ground burnt to a crisp his father finally apologizes to him. Toya is a skinless burnt chicken wing, my boy has no skin, and somehow he's better off than Azula.
I don't think the writers gave Azula such a cruel ending because they don't like her, but rather because they just didn't think about her ending outside of what it meant for Zuko. Which is why you get moments like Aang who is apparently a pacifist who doesn't want to kill the Firelord, watching his daughter fall to her death while sitting on a flying bison and doing absolutely nothing to save her. ALL LIFE IS PRECIOUS (except for Azula I guess).
It's not bad because a victim doesn't get saved, it's bad because it doesn't fit in with the rest of the story.
Not only is Zuko saving Azula a very natural conclusion to his arc, but there's far more setup for Zuko reaching out to his sister and saving her than there ever was for Toya and Shoto. Both Toya and Terra are screaming at the top of their lungs "I HATE EVERYONE, YOU SHOULD ALL JUST GO TO HELL." They're both making decisions and committing to their self destruction while Azula is a 14 year old girl having a mental breakdown.
Anyway, time to quote the bad bad video again.
"When does a villain deserve a redemption arc? When do we deserve a redemption arc? I know this is gonna hurt, but characters are not people. They are tools. They are represetations of people. They can be used to say other things. They can be symbolic representation of other ideas.
Azula's story is not just about a fourteen year old defeated by her brother for the throne, Azula is Zuko's character foil, where she is ruthless and practical, Zuko is empathetic and emotional. Where Azula's a prodigy, Zuko has to work hard to earn eve a fraction of her power.
I specifically chose to cite MHA, because of how differently it decided to use Shoto and Toya's character foiling. Shoto recognizes himself in Toya, and how different their paths were in life. This is explicitly motivates him to save Toya. It's also the culmination of everything that Shoto has learned because Shoto is a hero who believes that actions speak louder than words. It's not enough for Shoto to resolve his own inner struggle, he also has to help Dabi with his because that's showing Shoto has grown rather than telling us.
I think that is where the major difference lies between Shoto and Zuko, we're told that Zuko has chosen the path of empathy and healing, that he's learned to give people love and patience like Iroh has but instead of showing that the culmination of his arc is having a fist fight with his sister in a denny's parkinglot.
Azula is Zuko's character foil, where she is ruthless and practical, Zuko is empathetic and emotional. Where Azula's a prodigy, Zuko has to work hard to earn eve a fraction of her power.
If Zuko is empathic and emotional and that is why he's gained friends while Azula is now alone after having lost her friends due to the way she treated them, then like... what a great opportunity for Zuko to SHOW that quality of empathy.
However, Zuko doesn't do anything that Shoto does in the final fight. He's not even here for Azula, Azula's just an obstacle for taking back the crown. He doesn't talk to Azula, engage her in any way, try to de-escalate and avoid the fight.
If you want to make the tragedy that Azula and Zuko have taken such different paths in life that that Zuko fighting with his sister is unavoidable you could um... at least show Zuko being sad over the prospect of fighting his sister or being reluctant in any way.
(Before you come in here with "Zuko doesn't owe Azula anything take" this isn't about whether or not Azula is a terrible sister to Zuko, this is about the story that avatar is attempting to tell. Shoto and Dabi's fight is tragic because Shoto doesn't want to fight Dabi, he wants Dabi to come home and for their family to be complete. Zuko never expresses anything like that so where does the tragedy come from?)
If it were 100% committed to a tragedy like Terra's death then I wouldn't mind. if it were 100% committed to a story of redemption like Shoto reaching out to Toya then I wouldn't mind. My issue arises from the fact they want to have their cake and eat it too.
They want to give this tragic end to Azula, and use it to illustrate how Zuko has grown as a character. However, you can't have both.
If Zuko's growth is about learning that his father's love based on achievement and 2) learning he needed to get lost in life in order to find himself then why doesn't any of Zuko's actions demonstrate this lesson Zuko has learned about love, and about how you can be your own person outside what your father expects from you.
If Zuko has grown as a character he should be able to show those actions. He does show his new understanding of love and friendship to Team Avatar, but as I said that's easy mode. That's Shoto's attempts to save Iida, it's a step in the right direction. It's also not really Zuko demonstrating a selfless love, because he's also at the same time trying to earn their trust and earn his way into the group.
It's also not Zuko breaking the cycle of abuse in their family in any way. Shoto is trying to break free from his role of his father's masterpiece, and at the same time helping Dabi break free from his view that he's the failure.
It's also such a natural ending for Zuko's arc, to take the lessons he learned from Iroh and give them to his sister who needs them so they can both break away from their father's parenting. As I said Zuko does solve the internal conflict within himself, but he doesn't really demonstrate that by helping someone else find their balance.
If you wanted the tragic end, then it would have to be about Zuko's failure to reach out to his sister, because he hasn't learned how to reach out to her. Or because he tries and is unable to. The writers don't seem to understand that though, they think the tragedy is about Azula bringing it all on herself, and not the inherent tragedy of a fourteen year old girl being unable to be saved.
The set up is right there too, because number one avatar is about balance. So, wouldn't the true ending be finding balance between the siblings, not having Zuko rise and Azula fall. Number two, Azula being alone and friendless because of her own actions is again a parallel to where Zuko was in early season 2 at his lowest point. Except Zuko can be the better person in this situation by reaching out to her.
Zuko doesn't break the golden child / scapegoat dynamic, he just flips it so now he's the success and Azula is the failure.
While Azula's fall comes from cruelty and rejection from friends and allies it is Zuko's humility and kindness and friendship that ultimately wins the day. Him sacrifcing herself for Katara and her bringing Azula down and then her healing him.
Azula ending up imprisoned isn't something happening to a real person, it's a deliberative narrative choice by the author to say something about how people like this isolate themselves and end up alone. "
As I've stated above, I'm not saying Azula didn't deserve to take a fall. Her fall is actually set up from the first moment she met Ty lee. However, there's no set up for her fall being permanent.
Azula's given way more humanizing moments than characters like Terra or even Dabi. Which is why Azula being in an insane asylum for the rest of her life doesn't fit as an ending at all.
Azula is one link in the chain of abuse. Her father only gives out affection in regards to her usefulness. No matter what Azula is an asset first and a daughter second. Azula then repeats the cycle and treats her friends the same way. She has been shown through an improper model of parenting of using fear to dominate others with power and control and she replicates that in her other relationships.
Therefore, Ty lee and Mai leaving her is not only deserved, it's the perfect opportunity to pull the rug underneath Azula and to show her that her understanding of how relationships work is completely wrong.
This also mirrors Zuko's arc, because part of Zuko's arc is realizing just how wrong Ozai is for making both children earn his love, and that he doesn't need to measure his self-worth based upon his father's approval. He also learns about healthy expressions of trust and friendship from the gang.
Azula loses in part due to her own inability to form healthy relationships is losing people rapid fire, her brother leaves and joins the enemy side, Mai and Ty Lee betray her in favor of her brother, then her father in one action of leaving Azula behind and throws the title of Firelord to her after it's become completely meaningless reminds her of her place. Azula learns in about five episodes what Zuko had in 3.5 seasons to process that her father's love was always conditional and no matter what she did she would never truly "earn it."
People leaving Azula isn't exactly the problem, the problem is that Azula ends up alone permanently without being given the same chance that Zuko is. Terra, and Toya both get opportunities to turn back. They both refuse the hand that's reaching out to him. Mai and Ty Lee leaving is caused by Azula's own choices, but her ultimate end isn't. She's not even given the chance to turn away being saved like Terra and Toya do because Zuko doesn't even bother to try saving her. Her ending is not entirely brought about by her own choices, because the writers need her to take a fall to uplift Zuko.
Azula ending up imprisoned isn't something happening to a real person, it's a deliberative narrative choice by the author to say something about how people like this isolate themselves and end up alone.
I think once again it comes from the author's misunderstanding things because they don't want to look at the story from Azula's perspective, only Zuko's.
Stay at Home almost had it when he said the tragedy of Zuko and Azula was there to show how two different parenting styles affected these children.
The tragedy is that Zuko and Azula started in the same place, but Zuko had persistent guidance and someone who modeled for him a healthy kind of love. The difference is that Azula has never experienced any kind of healthy love or support on the level Zuko has, so she models all her relationships on the way her father treats her. It's not that Azula is offered some chance for change and rejects it, it's that Azula isn't even aware of the fact that there's another way because no one is there to show it to her.
Which is why I said once again, Zuko being the first one to show Azula the lessons he himself was shown by Iroh is such a natural place for his character to end.
Azula also even while completely alone and with no idea what healthy love is, knows that there is something wrong with her and is troubled by that fact in a way Dabi and Terra aren't.
Azula: I can sit here and complain about how our mom liked Zuko more than me. But I don't really care. My own mother... thoguht I was a monster... She was right of course, but it still hurt.
Then there's the famous mirror scene:
Ursa: I didn't want to miss my own daughter's coronation.
Azula:Don't pretend to act proud. I know what you really think of me. You think I'm a monster.
Ursa: think you're confused. All your life you used fear to control people, like your friends Mai and Ty Lee.
Azula: Well what choice do I have?! Trust is for fools. Fear is the only reliable way. Even you fear me.
Ursa: No. I love you, Azula. I do.
Both of these scenes indicate that Azula thinks of herself as a monster and is deeply uncomfortable with the idea. Considering Ursa is a voice in Azula's head and not a ghost, it also shows on some level Azula knew what she did to Mai and Ty Lee was wrong and feels conflicted over it.
Once again she's much more in conflict with herself than Toya and Terror ever are, and who's someone who's constantly warring with himself? Who's someone who could help resolve her inner conflict... Zuko (too bad the way the show's written he never does).
Azula doesn't choose to self-destruct the way that Terra and Toya did. Azula's ending isn't brought about by her choice not to change, because she's never given the chance to change in the first place. Her tragic ending would make sense if it was entirely of her own choices, but Azula doesn't retain her agency in the end it's literally taken away from her. She loses control of her mind, and her ending is being chained to a grate screaming and then thrown into an asylum.
I'm not arguing against Azula's ending because she's my favorite character and I don't want bad things to happen to her. It's because her tragedy isn't about her it's about Zuko, and her ending actively takes agency away from her where at least Toya and Terra both retain their agency up until the end. It's not good writing because the tragedy doesn't fit in with the rest of the story which is about balance and healing - and it's also ableist as hell.
THE UGLY
Azula's ending is unfitting to the tone of the story she's in, makes her and Zuko's arcs feel incomplete, and also is ableist as hell.
Here's yet more evidence that Azula's tragic ending is poorly thought out. Azula's mental breakdown doesn't exist in service of her character, but Zuko's.
Azula's issues pop up out of nowhere after episode 15, and take place over the last 6 episode of the series. The idea of Azula having a mental breakdown isn't necessarily a bad concept, but it's executed poorly.
The first way it's executed poorly is just how rushed it is. There's basically no hints of any mental instability beforehand. Of course people can have mental breakdowns spontaenously like that in real life, but this is a story and stories require foreshadowing. Azula spontaneously developing mental issues doesn't feel like it's planned as a part of an arc. First off, because the writers don't seem too sure about what Azula's symptoms even are. Hallucination, paranoia, manic laughter, but apparently she's still able to bend lightning just fine. Secondly, the writer's intentions for giving Azula a mental breakdown are pretty transparent.
The writer's room needed to come up with a believable reason why Zuko would suddenly be able to fight on equal terms with Azula, so boom sudden mental illness. The intent was not to create a sympathetic portrayal of a young girl struggling with both paranoia and delusions. The intent was to nerf Azula because they couldn't think of any other way this plot could end, other than Zuko and Azula fighting in a denny's parkinglot.
As I said they use mental illness as a plot device to take Azula's agency and choices away from her. It's not done with the intention of humanizing her, and in fact except for one small scene with her talking to her mother in the mirror it's a pretty negative and unsympathetic portrayal of mental illness. Not because the writers hate mentally ill people, but because they needed Azula to have a mental breakdown in order for a plot point to happen. Which is why they didn't think of the potential implciations of such a writing choice at all.
Now, people are going to argue about me so I'll use one final example. Azula's ending may be controversial but it's universally agreed upon that the Game of Thrones Ending was bad, right?
Game of Thrones uses mental illness as the exact same plot device, to explain why Daenerys Targaryen turns from a hero to villain in the last few episodes with absolutely no foreshadowing. In fact, the all of the show director's interviews about that choice are just blatantly ableist.
Rant from @hamliet
This quote is (likely unintentionally) gaslighting, ableist, terrible logically, and downright offensive.
First, ableism: why, why, why are we conflating madness with evil? She was driven to madness so she killed a bunch of people and had to be put down? And you think this is a great message in the year of our Lord 2019? [...] Additionally, while good writing is to an extent subjective, there are general consensuses on what make good writing--and Game of Thrones hit all the general consensuses for bad writing, from bad pacing to confusing character assassination. Critics are like, pretty united on this front. No one thought Dany’s turn made sense, even the ones who expect Mad Queen in the books. Maybe if people love a character who is meant to be evil you're not writing them correctly... or maybe they aren't meant to be evil.
Daenerys and Azula are incredibly similiar characters. They're both dragon themed, alligned with the element of fire, they're both colonizers they both represent the warrior princess archetype.
I'd say Daenerys is more of a tragic heroine though, because while Danerys is essentially doing the same thing as Azula, waging war in a foreign land and a culture that's not hers, for the purpose of then bringing back soldiers to her home continent so she can wage war again - while she is definitely a war mongerer she has good intentions. Daenerys for all of her faults, genuinely wants to break the chains and help out people.
I think Azula definitely sees herself as the hero for winning the war for the fire nation's sake, but she's completely uncritical of her own culture and she doesn't really have the good intentions that Dany has. She does it more out of a sense of duty, and her belief of divine right, not because she wants to break people free.
Daenerys's problem is that she doesn't understand the culture she's invading and the complicated world she lives in and despite all good intentions, is as I described above, invading a foreign power so she can go back and wage a war to reclaim the throne. Even if Daenerys would then proceed to go on to be the bestest queen ever that wouldn't change the fact her methods to get to the throne were incredibly violent, and she's sort of failing to break free from the cycle that led the Targeryen rule to fail in the first place.
Azula's problem is she sees herself as the hero and is therefore uncritical of fire nation values. She doesn't have any nobler intentions either other than service to her country, she just like Zuko is just trying to fulfill her duties as daughter and believe her birthright puts her above others. (I mean Dany does too but digressing).
Azula's more of a tragic villain who plays the antagonist role in the story, Danerys is one of the three heroes. However, she's more of a tragic villain in the sense that she's first season zuko pre character development just way more competent.
However, while Daenerys is a much more heroic character than Azula, here's the thing. I still think she's going to die. She is foreshadowed pretty heavily to die, and fail for her quest for the throne, because her entire story is a deconstruction of the warrior princess and the liberator archetype.
However, the story that GRRM is building throughout his books with Dany as an incredibly flawed heroine is different from what we got in the show, which was Daenerys going crazy and starting to murder people. That's because Daenerys turn to darkness wasn't about her character at all, it was just making her into a plot device to move their bad idea for a plot forward. That's why the turn is so unnatural and makes little sense with her character, that's why it's so rushed.
That's also why it's ableist, because it's using mental illness as a plot device to make a character unsympathetic and monstrous and give the other characters a reason to put them down.
The same for Azula, outside of one scene where he's talking to her mother, Azula's mental illness manifests in her screaming, maniacally laughing, looking like the joker did her makeup, and her instability also makes her violent and dangerous to be around. (Ignoring the fact that most people who experience delusions in real life are harmless, and more likely to be the victims of violence).
Her sudden mental illness isn't even used to make her more sympathetic in say Zuko's eyes and make him realize she's a victim, no it's just there to nerf her so she can be violently put down. The way she's drawn, the way she acts, it's to paint her as monstrous as possible. Her last action is like sobbing and screaming while being drawn as ugly as possible. She's not even given a small hope for recovery, because it just ends there. That's a pretty great message to send people that experience delusions, not only will you not recover or be shown sympathy, you'll also get sent to a mental asylum for the rest of your life. The choice for both Azula and Dany is not to portray any kind of mental illness in a respectful way, but to make a plot point happen.
As I said I expect Dany to die in the books, but there's a difference between dying as a tragic hero succumbing to your flaws but still having your good intentions acknowledged and just turning into a villain for no reason and being put down like a rabid dog.
(This is a quote I stole from a Shigaraki post but): "Why does she need to be put down in the first place, she has trauma, not rabies."
The problem isn't bad thing happened to my favorite character, the problem with the ending is it doesn't take Dany's setup into consideration.
Stealing from @hamliet again:
The thing about tragedies is that you have to manage expectations and clearly show that your tragic hero is doomed from the very early on–ie you have to show them making steadily worse and worse decisions (see: Eren Jaeger in SnK), if not directly tell your audience at the very beginning that this is a tragic story (ie see Greek choruses and Shakespeare, the prequels from Star Wars because everyone knows Anakin is Vader–plus I’d argue Anakin’s arc only works because we know he comes back to the light in the end.
Audiences don’t like reversing on set up/undoing structure. To make Dany a tragic villain is to go against the structure of her arc in both show and book. That’s why people don’t like it, even if the books makes it seem more believable.
Kate then goes onto describe a character that's much more comparable to Azula's. Honestly Arianne is closer to Azula than Daenerys is.
You know who is set up as a tragic heroine destined to descend and die because of her flaws in the books, whose arc has almost certainly been combined with Dany’s in some sense in the show?
Arianne Martell. (and another character known as f!Aegon)
In the books, Arianne is incredibly ambitious, and especially resents her brother and his quest for power. Like Margaery (another tragic character), Arianne seeks power and is intelligent and manipulative in her quest for it. But Margaery’s fatal mistake is that in seeking power and prestige, she’s become more a pawn than anything else for a villain (Cersei). She chose to play with lions, and she’ll be torn apart; that’s not surprising. Arianne, as her chapters hint, is going to almost certainly marry f!Aegon, playing with fire, and die burning for it.
Arianne’s grasping for her own power is never portrayed as cruel or stupid like the main human villain (Cersei); on the contrary, we empathize with a girl who truly cares about her people, but resents her father’s preferential treatment towards her brother. That’s the difference between Arianne and Cersei: Arianne cares. She is not cruel. But her pride is still going to get her killed.
There's a lot of game of throne females you could compare Azula to because GOT is full of queens, but like. Azula may be a tragic villain firmly on the side of the antagonists but she's not Cerseie. She's not queen, she doesn't wield the power that Cersei wields. In fact one of Azula's downfalls is finding out she doesn't have as much power as she thought she had, and ultimately was just a tool of her fathers.
She's not Rhaenyra or Alicent, because yes she may be grabbing for power but her character isn't affected by misogyny. Because once again, the writers simply didn't think about misogyny except for a really surface level "girls can be just as strong as boys" way so we really have no idea how women are seen in the fire nation. The show doesn't really explore if being a woman makes things harder, or makes people treat her differently than Zuko because the writers just didn't consider Azula's perspcetive on that matter.
Azula is alike to Danaerys in several ways, but as I said I think her ultimate end comes from Azula understimating her own importance in her father's eyes, and quickly realizing when her father is her only family left she never had his love or loyalty in the first place.
But Margaery’s fatal mistake is that in seeking power and prestige, she’s become more a pawn than anything else for a villain (Cersei). She chose to play with lions, and she’ll be torn apart; that’s not surprising.
Azula's most famous quote is about how Long Feng isn't even a player, only to find out her father considered her a pawn from the beginning and be broken by the revelation.
The difference being of course that Avatar is not Game of Thrones and it won't even kill the evil fascist dictator so it doesn't make a lot of sense to hand Azula the ending that Arianne got. They have the same fatal flaw.
Anyway, I made this big post but I can explain why Azula's tragic ending down't work in one sentence.
AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER IS NOT A TRAGEDY.
Maybe the reason Azula should get redeemed is because THE SHOW IS ABOUT F&%CKING REDEMPTION.
#bnha meta#mha meta#atla meta#azula meta#azula#princess azula#dabi#toya todoroki#shoto todoroki#azula redemption
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Vivizepop hates women so much to where she have a woman who suffered a position that many women did in history as a total bitch just because she needs drama to have her precious yaoi ship to happen
Literally… and seeing the misogyny has St*las stan clowns crying that you must just be homophobic. As if so many of us who are critical of how Stella was portrayed don’t also like characters like Angel Dust and don’t love ships like Bl*tzfizz and Bl*tziker, non canon m/m ships. There is nothing wrong with media that portrays and yes even focuses heavily on m/m. The problem arises when the writing is misogynistic and actively hostile to female characters for no good reason. You can’t just make female characters one dimensional devices that only exist for the male characters’ pain, drama etc and expect people not to see that for what it is. Just don’t write a load of misogynistic tropes straight out of a yaoi fanfic in which women are mindlessly villainized for things male characters wouldn’t be everywhere in your work. It’s that simple. Female characters in HB either act as support or angst devices (Octavia is a big one in that latter category) if they’re on our protagonist male character’s side, or they’re one note as fuck if they at all oppose the male characters. They exist for the male characters stories not their own. It sucks.
There is plenty of other media I’ve liked personally where there are male abuse victims and female abusers and I had no issues with them portraying it because men absolutely can be abuse victims of women. The Alador/Odalia relationship in TOH is a great example. Odalia actually had a choice in marrying for starters. And she wouldn’t be fucked over by an unfair divorce that leaves her with no home. She has clear motivations related to her business but they don’t change that she’s a POS.
The problem with Stella is that she didn’t choose to marry St*las. She’s in a horrific situation with so many reasons to justifiably be upset - but they ignore all of those and try to sneakily hide them and say “don’t think about it too hard” and “no she was just born a POS anyway so those horrors don’t matter”. Wasn’t the point of these shows supposed to be that people who are messy and fucked up can be so for understandable reasons and their flaws don’t mean they’re entirely worthless, even if the flaws are still bad? Why are you giving grace to all these male characters including fucking immortal overlords with vast wealth that they directly own, but a woman in an arranged marriage forced by her own family to get pregnant as soon as she hit 18, she isn’t given that same grace? She doesn’t get to be messy? Like what the actual fuck. I love Ozzie but the fact he’s allowed to be a straight up lovable good guy while Stella isn’t allowed to even just be grey says it all really.
Only certain characters are allowed to be complex and messy despite having the exact same circumstances as other ones like St*las Vs. Stella and to me that’s bad writing. Stella so obviously exists not to be a character but only to be drama for St*las’ story and turning a victim of an arranged marriage into just that, into a Val tier character, yeah sorry lie and call me homophobic then because that kind of writing leaves a horrible taste in my mouth.
#helluva boss critical#helluva boss criticism#helluva boss critique#vivziepop critical#hb critical#anti stolas#stolas critical#stolas hate#anti stolitz#stolitz critical#Stolitz hate#critical stuff
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baby come back
♡ STEVE HARRINGTON'S MASTERLIST ♡
❁ AGATHA'S MAIN PAGE ❁
This is a sequel to "Careless Whisper"
✧ Summary : they say "you should leave all the past behind" but what if they deserve a second chance?
✧ Word Count : it might be long but I hope it's worth it
✧ Warnings : 18+ MDNI‼️ Past!Ex-Boyfriend!King Steve! Harrington x FEM!reader, eventual smut, cursing, mentions of bad household, complicated father & son relationship, slight emotion invalidation & misogyny, cheating, separated parents, alcohol consumption, mentions of smoking, child neglect, trauma, intense confrontations, fluff, angst, not giving away anything! don't wanna give you guys ideas 🤭
✧ What to Expect : ANGST, FLUFF AND SMUT‼️reader will be so unsure of him but she'll get there ;)) I promise this will so fast paced, the story goes back to present and past!
✧ Note To Reader : YOOOO y'all making me inspire to write more for Steve! THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT omg- even it's just small numbers of recognition is enough for me 🥺🫶🏻✨
✧ Author Note : I literally tried to think of a better song to associate the next part and my god- my brain was like zapping up to Baby Come back and I was like "THAT'S IT!" 🤩🙌🏻
"Henderson, I already told you not to wipe your feet on the inside of my car"
"Must've slipped off my mind"
"I've been your chaperone- wait a second- I'm your goddamn babysitter for the past 3 years!"
"Just step on it, already!"
"Remind me why I'm being friends with you" Steve turns on the engine of his car and held onto the steering wheel
"It's because I'm a great person"
Steve chuckles as he shakes his head but a fond smile is evident on his lips
"What time should I pick you up?"
"The usual"
Dustin talks about his night yesterday after school with the whole segment of the D&D Campaign, while listening as he kept his eyes on the road, I think he could make a word count on how many times he mentioned Eddie
Steve watches his young friend steps outside of his car, "Okay, see ya"
He's heading on his way to Family Video, where she meets Robin sitting on the front stairs
"What are you doing?" He asks as he gets outside of his car and puts his keys inside of of his pocket
"I guess, we're both too early, too early that Kevin hasn't even arrived yet" Robin stood up as she walks closer to Steve
Steve looked behind him, there's a new diner in town that he hasn't been it yet
"Wanna go there and eat some breakfast?" He nudge his head on the facility that he's looking at
Robin follows his gaze and clasps both of her hands together "Let's go, I'm getting bored here for waiting"
Once they get inside, the smell of brewed black coffee invades both of their noses and the sweet scent of pancakes and waffles
Robin already got an eye on the waitress who is serving some delicious fully packed breakfast plate, she swore that she is drooling over it and it made Steve chuckle
Steve is always been a pancake and bacon kind of a guy, he likes the combination of sweet and salty, so, that's where he is aiming for
Both of them saw a table that is near to window, they sat together across from each other
The male waiter was about to gave them menu's but they dismissed it
He nods gladly as he calls someone else to fill up their order
"Hello, goodmorning, what's your order-"
"Hi, can I get-"
Oh my fucking god
Holy fuck
It's you
His mind is going ablazes because he pretty much knew himself that he has a 20/20 vision
But at this time? All of his insides are overheated
He hasn't seen you since....the prom
Fuck, the memories starts to take him back
You just finished your last school year on that history that you both happened before and you move out of the school
Not only moved out of school, but you also left the town, Hawkins Indiana
Yes, you left.... without sparing him a single word about your departure
The town that you've never wouldn't have thought you could ever get back to
But, this is your hometown where you truly grew up in
You only decided to comeback since
You got homesick
You missed your family, that's why you take the chance to finally be with them
Temporarily
You clear your throat, you try to mask up your expression as you completely forgotten his companion that you briefly glanced and you noticed her confused look at you
She darts back and forth on you and Steve
You remained civilized, "What can I get for you?"
You say softly as you clicked your pen and holding up your notepad
He blinks as he takes a deep breath, "Uh- Pancake and Bacon and Coffee"
Damn, you wished there's a machine to mind sweep your entire memory of him
You still remember it
He still eats the same way
"Okay, um, should I bring creamer and sugar?"
"Yes, please"
Shit, he still makes his coffee the same way too
Fuck, fuck, fuck
Who in the right mind that you chose to have your vacation here?
When you could do it somewhere else
You trust yourself too much that you thought you won't be able to see this familiar face again
You nod but you can feel his eyes on you
You look incredible
Of course, he'll take every chance to look at you
You cut your hair shorter, you even changed it into different shade of color, your natural dark brown is gone, it turned into more lighter brown
The wavy length and the bangs looks so perfect on you is shaping your face that he still does love until now
You dress so differently now too, he could tell by your silver rings and....
A piercing? You have three earlobes now
He adores how you wear your makeup, not too flashy but it enhances your features
He is delighted to see your face again, he never thought that the universe will give him another glimpse of you even is just like this
A part of him that made him sad for a sec, it's understandable that you changed your whole appearance
You changed because you want to forget who you were before
You have to remove every single thing about how you look that reminded of him
Maybe in another life....
You're happy together
You motion to Robin who is still absolutely puzzled from the not so obvious look of recognition form the both of you
She could already tell that is something is deep between the two of you
Before she tells her order, he catches Steve who is not even afraid to gape on you, he's not even trying to hide it until she spoke up and he heard her voice
He got shy all of the sudden and runs his fingers through his hair
"The Breakfast meal?"
"Yeah, right that one"
"A drink along with that?"
"Oh, a cup of coffee too as well"
You nod as you clicked back your pen as you tear off the paper from your notepad
"It'll be ready in a minute" you say, you offer the both of them with a small smile as you finally take your leave
Robin leans forward with her hands together, "Okay, what was that?"
"What?" He acts clueless, he knows Robin won't drop the scenario that just happened
Robin chuckles in amusement "Well, you tell me" she nudges her head to you
He glances at you with those eyes, you can still freaking feel them on you
You start cleaning the table and picked up the tip from a another customer
"Robs-"
"Don't you dare "Robs" me and don't you ever lie to me" she throws her hands up as she raises both of her eyebrows at him
He sighs as he scratches the back of his neck
"Do I really need to tell you?" He shuts his eyes for a second as he takes a deep breath
"Uh yeah? Because that look it isn't something that is far beyond that you just know the person"
"You knew her"
She leans backward as she crosses both of her arms
She can't even tell if she just struck off a nerve or offended him
"I'm just messing with you, dingus, it's okay-"
"No-No, it's just-" he exhales
"it's been a while since I saw her" he speaks in a voice that his bestfriend couldn't ever expected to hear
It sounds so broken, it increases her pique of interest even more
What happened?
"I hesitated because-" he looks at her with guilty eyes "I think you're not going to look at me in the same way ever again"
Robin listens intently as she gestures her to keep going
"I am here to reassure you that I'm not going to judge you"
"I did something bad in the past, Robin, but I've changed"
"We all have done something wrong in our lives, Steve, the right way to do is to face it, hold yourself accountable for it, and learn from it, but that doesn't make you a bad person"
He looked at you again, you are now serving someone else a vanilla milkshake
"Yeah, you're probably right, but to her? I am"
Flashback to 1986
He spent all of his allowance that his father gave to him
All of his money going out all night in the town
The prom was one month ago
One month ago
He trying to do anything to get you out of his mind
He drank a lot of alcohol and gets drunk most of the time
But when the morning comes, it felt like he needs to start it all over again
He realizes that trying to forget you, it's just a waste of time
He wants you to come back, he needs you to come back
He'll do anything for it
Anything at all
He knows it won't be easy
He angrily crumpled and tear off all of the pictures that he had with his friends
Friends that aren't not even real
He knows that you're right about him, it's just his own stubborn mind who refuses it
He hates himself
No, scratch that, he loathes himself for becoming like this
His mom's words were very dear to him even it's just a simple phrase
"Don't try to be something that you're not"
Don't be a fucking people pleaser
Now, he got the point why you don't like these titles at school
The social cliques at the campus
It's also his own fault that he got into this
He wanted to be somebody
Even it hurts people that he loves the most
So, that same morning, he is so determined to be different this next coming school year
He trashed everything that upsets him, he even ditched some of his varsity jackets, all of his trophies he put them all in a case and placed them on the attic
Everyone is going crazy how he acted so differently at school
He just rolls his eyes at it, god, now he really fucking gets it why you're so ick to this
"They're so overdramatic at this stuff, I mean- what's the damn point?!?" your voice echoes to his mind
That's where he retired of being King Steve
Everytime he heard someone mentioning it, he just grimaces, winces and even cringed at it
He doesn't even Iike to be called on that name anymore
Sure, he is still good at his academics and sports but now ever since he pulled that "dropping his title" at school?
He is now getting the treatment of true colors
Now, he is out of that barrier of being on the top popular guy at school
His eyes and mind opened at your perspective
He can see it why, fuck, that adds more salt to the wound
He cannot even blame anyone for making him being this way
Maybe, high school is tough that's why he did it
But then, he notices a pattern of events on his life
Fuck, he is just like his father
He rarely visits the house and just talking about his work and didn't gave him a chance to speak what is going with his only son
He never paid attention, never even cared, not even felt any affection to him
But when he does, he just snaps at him, and tell him that being emotional is weak
Having feelings are weak?
How fucked up is that?
So, he kept his mouth shut even though he wanted to yell at his father
The only parent that he felt being loved is his own mom
His mom that left them both behind, he can still remember it
Because why?
His father cheated on her too
It's like a damn cycle, it making him violently vomit at the thought of it,
History repeats itself
He made a promise to himself that he won't ever be like his father
But, he already done it and it angers him even more
"Hey, Steve" he opens and locks the door behind him
Not "Hey, son" am I even your son? He thinks to himself as he keeps his eyes on the television his own father doesn't even noticed the obvious scowl on his face
"There's this woman at work, who-" he chuckles in a salacious way and it sends shivers down to his spine
"Who slapped me right after I kissed her and told me that she isn't interested in me" he chuckles yet again as he removes his coat
"She wears that outfit and expect me not to do anything? She did that in order to seduce me, she wants it" he scoffs as he shakes his head
He gotten so uncomfortable, he starts shifting from his seat
Steve needed this bottled up emotions to blow up
He wants and he needs his father to hear him out
"That's what you did to, Mom, too, huh?"
The silence is too loud, Steve is so fucking insane for doing this confrontation but he has to do it or else he will lose his mind
"What the fuck did you just say?" His dad grumbles as he stares down at his son with a fire on his eyes
He glares at him as he chuckles dryly, "You're so messed up that it hurts" he spats
"What are you even talking about?" He pushed him by the shoulder
"I hate that you're my dad!" He does the same action as he stumbles back, Steve thought his mind playing tricks at him but he swore for a brief moment that he saw his dad cracked
He is guilty, he is ashamed of it, he knows he is not a perfect father, he is not proud of it
15 year old, Steve would've been shitted on his pants for doing this but he is not afraid of it anymore
He is completely appalled, lost for words, the way his narcissistic exterior washed out on instant
"I lost the girl that I ever truly loved because of you!" He points at himself with anger and sadness swirling into his eyes
"Do you think it's easy for me to live out my life there knowing that my own fucking father is proud to have this mindset?!?" He steps closer as he makes hand motions to his head
"I can't just push you away because why? You're my dad, I-I can't just do that" He throws his hands up as he sighs in exasperation
"I-I have so much things that I wanted to scream out loud for you to hear because I've been carrying it for a long time and it really sucks because this argument isn't going to change anything" He is trying to so hard not to bawl in front of his old man but it his voice wavered badly but he didn't care
This is the most unfiltered thing he has ever done in his life and he knows for sure this will help him....A lot
"You've gone soft, Steve, that's the real world"
He looks at him with furrowed brows as he shooks his head
"I'm not gonna grow up to be just like you, asshole" He laughs incredulously as he starts picking up his shoulder bags and luggage
"Where do you think you're going, young man?"
"I'm going to leave because I'm sick of you and this big house"
"You're not able to survive out there without my help"
"You know for the first time in forever made me realize having a enormous fortune isn't necessary in life sometimes"
"You listen here-"
"What is fortune when you don't even have a good fucking relationship with your parents and household"
That's where he slams the door shut and breathes out a really long satisfying sigh with a proud smile on his face
He feels good, he feels great, he feels he has done something wonderful in his life
This is just the start of it
He takes his car keys and drove away like nothing ever happened
"Steve! Earth to Steve!" Robin clapping her hands right across to her bestfriends face
"What- I'm sorry" he says as he began shifting on his seat
"Okay, so to be clear, y'all are highschool sweethearts before-" Robin squints her eyes as she make gestures to her expressive hands
"and I was...." His shoulders slumped down, he doesn't even want to finish the sentence
"King Steve" Robin shrug both of her shoulders as she gave a sympathetic smile
"yeah" A small but sad smile flashes on his lips as he ducks his head down in shame
Robin is obviously needs some more information to fully understand what happened to your relationship with him
"Is it so bad?"
"is far more than bad, Robs"
"Did you kill someone?"
Steve eyes widened as he genuinely laughed, "N-No- I didn't!"
She chuckles but she is glad she made him laugh, "So, what is it then?"
He just made this one look to Robin and as she tries to read his eyes, her smile drops
"Oh"
As if you we're on cue, you placed their orders on their table as Robin made a stressful brush up to her hair as she glances at you
"Your order's are complete, just call me if you're ready to-"
"We can pay now" Robin's voice is firm but a hint of disappoint surrounding at the tone of her voice
You looked over at Steve for a sec who still gave you those pleading eyes as you tried your best to look away as you gave the receipt to them
You've taken both of their payment as you walk away quietly
Did just Steve talked about you to her?
Fuck
"Robin- I"
"I know it's in the past, It isn't my place to open up the wound again" she sighs as she tug up a smile to him
He smiles as he nods to her words, he is worried that this could ruin their friendship
"But I am fond that you chose to change, Steve, you changed for her" she places her palm on top of his as she pats it gently
"Do you still love her?" Robin asks him as she tries to search his eyes
She can see it, the same devotion is still there, it never died and it never will be
His last words to you echoed into his mind
"I can't never love again, I only want you"
And it truly did
He still does
Robin chuckles slightly to Steve with those lovesick eyes, "Of course, you do"
"You can't never get over with your first love"
You're done with the night as you put on your jacket along with your sling bag on the shoulder
But when the time you got inside of your car, your vehicle won't start up everytime you try it won't ever run
You sigh in frustration "Goddamn it!"
You look over to the other side of the road, you saw Steve locking up the doors at the Family Video
Shit, the universe is really testing you
You walked outside of your car as you close the door with a slam as you start to pace around it
You fumbled with the stuff inside of your bag as you pulled out a cigarette stick and you flick the lighter in your pocket
You inhale deeply as you blow out the smoke, you massage the back of your neck as you try to figure how to get the fuck outta here
You're mad that you're hopeless to get home
The last thing that you wanna do and the last option is to get ride home with Steve
You felt a hand behind you, you shrieked as you almost punched him in the face
"Woah- it's just me!" He held both of your wrist as he takes as step foot back to dodge your aim
You huff as you tap off the excess from your cigarette, you mumbled a small "sorry"
Well, isn't this great? Your first conversation with him after what??? 3 years???
He doesn't want to react because he hasn't seen you smoke before, I mean- you can do what you want but both of you really did changed
Did you developed anything else such as bad habits? that added another pang into his chest seeing you do things that you've never done before
He looked over to your car, "What happened?"
You blew out the smoke as turn your head into the other side, you try your best to remain calm but it feels all too much when he is this close to you "My car won't start"
"I can take you home, I know a place that can fix your car tomorrow" he suggest as he offers you a ride home respectfully, you can see that
Something is not right to him and it's giving you the creeps not in a bad way but why do he seems so nice? Is it because of you or he changed too?
You have no other choice, the terminal closes up pretty early, so, there's no train or bus to take
Only for tonight, just this night
You blew out the last smoke as you stub the cigarette into the nearest ashtray near the trash can
His eyes are glued to you, he watches your every move, of course, he knows that you wanna wrap this all up and forget all of this ever happened
As much as he wanted to talk to you ask you if you're okay, he respects your peace and boundaries
"Okay" you walk back up to him as the both of you crossed the road
What the fuck? Is he a gentleman now? You're not used to him like this, opening up the car door for you?
You flashed him a small but also confused smile as he jogs into the driver's seat
You saw the oh so familiar necklace that hangs on the rearview mirror
You made that necklace to him
Why does he still keep it?
He starts the engine as he put his hand over the headrest as he drives backwards
The drive was....so awkward and how quiet it is ringing to his brain
You just busied yourself watching all of the scenery outside in the car window as you passed by into different places
He takes his chances to glance at you
My god, he can't believe that you can still made him feel like this way
You crossed your leg that made your skirt rides up a little, he clears his throat
"Uh, so, which way should I go to?"
"Just turn here" you point out to him
He brings the car around the different small houses and his breath staggered he recognizes it
Oh, you're here because of your family
You're only having a vacation
"Stop here!" The tires screech as he stops abruptly and you accidentally bring yourself closer to him that he almost almost can kiss your lips in just one move
His breath hitched at the gap between the two of you
Your eyes flit to his and to his lips
It felt like eons that you both just stare for each other at the moment
You know and he knows
Fuck, you still love him
"I-I gotta go" you slowly move back up as you open the door but before you get outside, you softly say "thank you" and closed the door
You didn't give him a chance to reply as you quickly grab your house keys to unlock the front door
He sighs as he massages his forehead, he rolls up the windows before you get inside
"Take care" he says as you only nod and closed the door behind you
You squeezed your eyes shut at whatever that was inside of his car
"What are you even looking for?" He says not looking at you as he looks at a Nazareth vinyl
"Michael Jackson's Bad album" you say as you squealed gleefully when you found the one you were looking for
"We're going to be late for the movie, sweetheart" he hold both of your shoulders to grab your attention
"They're aren't going to start without us, Eddie" you say as you smirk at him as you walk away
"We have to buy popcorn-" he whines jokingly as he kept being all dramatic while he slings his arm around yours
"and drinks and other goodie stuff, I know, I'm just gonna pay this, stay calm" you giggled as you excitedly take the purchased album into your hands
"Hey, Eddie!" The same girl with the dusty blonde hair greets him the same time as you both are about to leave the record store
You can't never avoid him, huh?
She looks at you and your hand is wrapped around his forearm as she gives you a small wave
You only nod and smile, Steve is right behind her
"Dude, what's up?" Eddie greets him, right you forgot they studied in the same school
Of course, they knew each other, except for you because you left
You're nervous because of what Steve might think of you but you can't see anything on his face and his eyes
He doesn't seemed to mind that you're with someone else, there's no jealousy, mockery, sarcasm as he talks to Eddie
He doesn't even noticed how close you are at the metalhead
Meanwhile, Robin saw how you study him, but you look away you don't want to make him realize that you still care for him after all of this time and as she does as well
"Where are you two going?" Steve beams as he takes in how divine you look, Eddie didn't even catches it
"To the movies!" Eddie grins as he pulls you by his side as you roll your eyes playfully
"Are you guys going to watch Batman?" Robin gasps as she watches Eddie eyes goes big in excitement
"Yeah" you nod at her, Robin who is surprised that's the first ever interaction that you just had with her, so, she decided to introduce herself to you
"I'm Robin, by the way, I'm the bestfriend of Steve- ow!" He hits her by the shoulder as you chuckle in amusement in the way Robin punctuates and emphasizes the words to you
"We gotta go now" Eddie chuckles as he wraps his arms around you, but halts his tracks as he remembers something
"Sure, see you later" Steve nods as he purses his lips together as the both of them step inside
"Harrington, you could invite her to your party!" Eddie points at you and your close your eyes in embarrassment
You didn't tell Eddie about your history together with Steve but you did kinda....throw some hints at him about your past but didn't reveal the real name
Party? He still does that? you think to yourself
You saw how Steve became jittery all of the sudden as he tries to drop the topic right away but Robin, a glint of mischief on her eyes as she snaps her fingers at Eddie
Damn, you got yourself invited but you grew amused to the mystery girl
"I can't fucking believe you did that" he glares at his bestfriend who is pretending to be innocent as she walks away from him
"Oh- please, don't act that you didn't want that" she scoffs at his in denial behavior as she saw a vinyl that is similar to his situation
"You still want her, right?" Robin smirks as she gives the vinyl to him who is now gauging at his reaction
He takes the vinyl out of her hands without looking at it first but he laughs as soon as he saw the title
"Baby Come Back by The Player"
She wiggles her brows at him, he tries to kick her by the leg but she managed to dodge it
"Don't fuck it up this time, dingus"
"Trust me, I won't"
You had fun watching Batman with Eddie, he'll be right back with you as he headed at the men's restroom
You overheard a kid who is very defensive with his bestfriend, you try not to pry but until you heard the name "King Steve"
You've never looked around so fast in your entire life and your eyes fall onto the boy
"You're being friends with a douchebag-"
"He is not a douchebag!"
"Yeah, right, I heard he break girl's hearts like it was nothing-"
"T-That's not true!"
God, your mind is saying no but your heart is making you walk towards him
Curiosity got the best of you as you listen closely, but you stay alerted when things get heated
The poor kid, huffs as he shifts on his stance as he watches the two young ones left him
"He doesn't even like that name anymore, what a bunch of assholes"
"Hey, are you okay?"
He quickly swipes the tears away "Y-Yeah, I'm good"
He probably doesn't even remember you, "Dustin, right?"
"Yeah"
You smile sweetly at the kid, you really shouldn't ask a lot about him but you feel mystified of what you just witnessed, "Was that true? about what you said at Steve?"
"He cares a lot, he loves a lot, he is willing to do anything just to protect- Wait a second- who are you anyway?" He was getting into until he realizes that he is talking to a stranger and he paused
The kid missed the endearment on your eyes as you blink rapidly, you looked over your shoulder as you saw Eddie searching for you
"I'm gonna go now, bye" you say as he tries to chase you but you got lost in the crowd until he can't no longer see you
"Whoever that person is, that's so bizarre" he speaks for himself
"I have to tell this to Steve at the upcoming party"
He is not looking forward to it
But he wishes you were
He doubt that you will show up over at his house
But, honest to god, he thought the time stopped when I saw you walking by alongside with Eddie and Robin
His brain is muddled and his heart rate is increasingly so fast
"Hey, Steve-" Dustin jogs over to him but his mind is elsewhere as the door swings open
"Here we are" Eddie does his classic antics as he opens his arms as you chortled
"Welcome" Steve steps aside as he lets you all walk in
"Where's the drinks?" Robin feels so at home like she unashamedly looks through his refrigerator
"It's literally 7pm- don't you dare drink-" He puts his hands over his hips as he reasons with Robin
"Not that- I'm just thirsty" Robin rolls her eyes as she tries to explain
"You?" Dustin loudly made a sound that all of the guests caught their attention
You give him a small wide and a crooked smile and now you're regretting attending this
Steve clocked your reaction as he hold your shoulder leading you away from him
"Why are you point at her, Henderson?" Eddie is perplexed as he tries to understand the situation
"You mean- you didn't know?" Dustin bunches up his eyebrows at the metalhead
Steve glares at Robin who winced at the look that his bestfriend just gave him
"I think, you might want to sit down, Munson"
Steve has taken you in the backyard as he slides the door close
Oh, hell no
Not this place
Steve cringes what he just realized but he tries to keep his composure
"You still do parties, huh?"
He stare at you for a second, are you actually having a conversation with him?
"Uh no- we're going to have a movie marathon, not a party"
"Oh" you nod slowly in understanding as you stare at the swimming pool, you breathe in deeply as you keep your hands to yourself
Your sight of vision fell into Eddie, Robin, Dustin bickering at each other as you saw the guilty look on your metalhead bestfriend directed at you as you send him a small smile as you look away yet again
"I see that you told them"
"I-I'm sorry, I only told Robin-"
"Save it, Steve" your voice has gotten serious unlike earlier, but he can see it in your eyes that you're fighting between your emotions
You're trying your best to resist yourself for giving yourself away too fast
Steve's shoulders tensed as he looked up into the sky to find the right words to say to you
You deserve to know that, he needs you to know that him and Robin are nothing more than a platonic friendship
"Robin is just my bestfriend, she helped me"
"Help you?....with what?" You knit your brows together as you look at him in question with your arms crossed
"I- uh- I moved away from my dad after we- to live on my own independently" He suddenly became shy as he scratches the back of his neck as he averts his gaze somewhere else
That's where he truly see your eyes soften as your eyes went everywhere to his face
He can communicate properly with you now?
He is actually saying the truth to you?
You're not used to it and he knows he doesn't blame you
Before you can reply, Dustin calls out at the both of you as Steve sighs when you're the first one to walk away from him
"Hey, are you okay? dude?" Dustin asks him sincerely
"Yeah, man, I'm good" He lies, as he gives his young bestfriend a forced smile
False bravado, that's the mask that he's wearing all the time ever since you reappeared again
Tryna' keep up a smile that hides a tear
He wants you so bad, but how he will ever to win you back?
"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry, I didn't know-"
"It's fine, Eddie, it's not your fault"
"Do you want to leave?"
"No, I'm gonna stay, Eddie- it's alright, I promise"
"Just tell me, if you're not up for it anymore, okay?"
"Okay"
Everyone is a blobbering mess after seeing Dead Poets Society, except for you and Steve
You caught him giving you those eyes yet again like he was begging for you
Begging for you to give him a chance
He wants to talk to you, the scariest thing you could ever say to him that your doors are chained and he'll understand
But the thing is that, he can't live without you
He'll do anything to persuade you, convince you, make you believe that he is nothing like the "Steve" the one you've met before
If he could go back in time, he would redo everything
The moment when everyone is leaving and saying their goodbyes
He took your hand and he must swallow his shock because you let him hold you for the first time in forever
Eddie even talked to him while you were distracted by Robin, by him saying "I don't know what happened between the two of you that much but.... I'd get her back, man, whatever it takes"
"Can we talk?" He whispers as he puts you in the corner where no one else can see you both
"Steve-"
"Just give me the chance to make you see-"
Oh, Steve's brain just mushed down
Because you're fucking kissing him
He recovers as he cupped both of your cheeks as he gives into you
Your hand gets lost to his hair, god- he misses that a lot, your sweet scent, he's inhaling it so much that electrocutes his brain
The kiss went into seconds, minutes and feels like an hour
You don't know what's gotten into you but you know you're going to blame yourself for this
You already told yourself that your guard is up
But, your heart tells no otherwise and your body reacted, so, positively that it flushed down closer to his
You stopped yourself as you saw him chasing after your lips but then he saw how hurt you look, his heart drops to his stomach as he gulped
He is flustered and so are you, but he sees the recognition in your eyes, the realization
He flinched the way you angrily punched him in the chest all of the sudden as you wept in front of him
No words thrown out between the two of you
It's the same damn kiss
It never changed, it still feels the same, moves the same, the way both of your lips melded into one another is a complete shocker to you
He didn't care about your outburst as he let the tears fall from his face as he embraces you instead
He starts caressing your head as he tries to keep you calm on his warm hug
You held onto his shirt in a fist that you violently sobbed face flat in front of his chest
As much as you wanted to stay in that area
You begrudgingly dragged yourself away from him as you walked outside, not giving him a second look
He knocks off one of his picture frames as he slides his back down against the wall as he started crying
Love is embarrassing, isn't it?
3 years, 3 goddamn years, you both still yearn for each other
Your first kiss after 3 years invaded his mind the entire night, he stares at the empty space of his bed
God, he wishes that you were here next to him on his arms
You've never packed up your stuff so fast in your entire life
You're ready to leave first thing in the morning
The door bell rings and you hold your breath for a second
"Oh no, not you- Steve-" you tried to close the door but no to avail as he stepped his foot to prevent you from for not letting him in
He glanced at your luggage and bags that makes his stomach twist
"Have you used up all of it?" He says as he kept his eyes on you
"W-What are you even talking about?!?" You threw your notepad in the near table, fuck- you shouldn't have double checked too much on your lists before going out
He got you now, you can't escape this
"All the love in your heart"
That's where you avoid his eyes as he moves closer to you
"Ain't there nothing left for me?"
"Steve- stop!"
"That's right-"
"What-"
"A lot of people that I know what I did to you was foolish, anyone can see it"
You let your stubborn attitude subside as you listen to him
"There's was something and everything about you"
You take out a shuddering gasp as your eyes burn from the threatening tears
"You can blame it all on me, I was wrong, baby, I-I just can't live without you"
He could've done this before
Take the responsibility of his actions and not to sugarcoat every word and have the guts to hold the accountability of his mistakes
"Steve, you gotta move on-" you lie what you truly feel, what's stopping you?
"Baby come back, come back to me, please"
"S-Steve, I don't know if I can trust you-"
"I didn't realized what I had when you're were mine!"
Your guarded demeanor has shunned off as you let your arms dropped to your sides
"I-I confronted my dad after one month ago when we go on our separate ways, I-I know this is unbelievable but I removed everything that you didn't like with me, my friends, my title, all of it, and it did helped me to become a better person"
He looks straight into your eyes, he never looks away as he tries to make you understand
"And I'm so very sorry that pulling up that fucked up shit that I did before just so I can improve myself and to have a character development was utter bullshit, hurting you was never right"
You purse lips together as you shake your head in disbelief
"What I said back there was still true too"
"What do you mean?"
"That no matter what you do to me, whatever happens to the both of us, I'd still love you"
He cries, his face glows so red as he takes in every feeling that he's receiving
You're the first one yet again to kiss him
He yelped as he brings you closer to him, your hands went through his hair as you throw your arms around him, he dives in deeper earning a moan out of you
He breaks out of the kiss, your face went pale but he shuts off your thoughts with the words
"You sure, you want to do this?"
"Steve, yes, I do, I want you like you want me, I need you like I need you-"
You're about to dove back on him aggressively but something feels so different on his touches, it's not foreign but it's making you want to bawl at how he is so soft with you
His eyes crinkle in awe and delightment as he couldn't get anymore happier
He carries you upstairs as he puts you onto the bed carefully
He removes his shirt and his pants, you get out of your shoes and when you're about to remove the straps of your dress, he beats you to it as he slowly takes it off but not without kissing your neck
His hands goes under your skirt as he plays with the garter of your panties
You spoke his name so decadent that he nearly melted down on you
You held onto him by the shoulder blades as he finds the zipper on the back your dress, he unzips carefully and lovingly as he takes his sweet time to adore and treasure every single moment of you
This is not just sex, he never looked at you like the one from before only filled with lust
This is love and admiration and it touches your heart so deeply that it might've been stop beating for a few moments
It's unreal that he is doing this to you, it's also unreal that you let him do this to you
When all of it's left is your paired black lacy undergarments
You both stare together for a while as you held his cheeks as he rests on it
He smiles so wide that it actually hurts and so are you, your smile lingered everytime he looks at you
You raise yourself using your elbows as he unclasp your bra, he threw your bra across the floor somewhere, he can't help but to kiss you again, you mewl as you fall back down on the mattress, you grind yourself against him as he groans when felt how wet you are
You kept grinding yourself onto him as he grants your wish as the friction increases more
Next thing to remove is your panties, you whine, when he licked a stripe into your cunt
"Steve-"
"Yes, baby?"
"I wanna feel you"
You don't need him to ask him twice as his boxers flew off somewhere
He carefully enters your sopping aching hole as you both moan in pleasure
Your jaw falls slack as your furrowed brows crumpled up even more as you adjust to his size
He kisses every part of your body, worships it while you're losing your mind of how it feels so fucking good just like before
"F-Fuck" he curses, praising you as he kisses your jaw
He watches how your cunt clamps sucking him inch by inch, he grunts when you start clenching around him
You're drooling, your eyes are fucked out, you're brain is mashed up
You're a fucking goner
He kneads your breasts as you moan even louder, the squelching sounds that comes in and out of you is music to his ears
"S-Steve, pleas-e move!" you squeal and your voice becomes so tiny that you bit your lip
He spreads your legs far more wide as he grabs your hips harder
You arch your back when he picks up the pace and hitting the spot were you're mostly addicted
"Oh!"
Your eyes roll backwards as your mouth hangs "0" shapes as Steve watches your expression contorts in pleasure
Breasts are jiggling, he goes faster and faster, he places himself on the crook of your neck as he puts lovebites all over it
You locked him in place as you can't keep your suppressed screams any longer
"Steve!"
"Christ-"
You scream his name so loud that his brain shortcircuit as you both came undone
He peels himself off of you but you held him close
"No, don't pull out just yet"
You tap him by the shoulders as you switched positions, he let out a sharp gasp at the angle that you're on top of him
Despite the overstimulation, you grind yourself onto him
"Woah- baby, fuck-"
"Yeah?"
"Don't give me that look- I'm gonna bust"
You giggled as you close your eyes at the sweet sensation as your brows pulled together and you moan when you start to bounce on his cock
Holy fucking shit, you rocked up his world
His hands are everywhere literally setting you on fire, he brings you closer as you continue to do your job as you look at him with blacked out eyes
His eyes got even more darker as he copies your move making your head fell onto the side allowing him the access to kiss your neck
You both went off to one another as you both entered another climax
You fell asleep together after 3 years
The scenario you'll never thought you could experience again
You woke up in a cold empty bed as you look around in your room, you can't see his clothes anymore, maybe he's in downstairs
The last night events flashes right before your very eyes as you bring your knees up
A tinge of pink on your cheeks as you try to remember every detail happened last night you were so beyond elated and in a complete bliss
You wore your dress again as you went downstairs only to find Robin
"Robin?" You ask in confusion, not that you don't want her here but it's just so random
"Hi" she waves awkwardly as she scratches her head
"What are you doing in here? Where's Steve?" You look for him again but it seems like he left
"Don't freak out-" She breathes out
You raise both of your eyebrows as you motion for her to continue
"He's at the airport" She says as she starts following you making you stay focus but she has no power to control you
"What?" You take your car keys as you went inside the vehicle and turn on your engine
"Wait- stop! He didn't told me the reason why! He just said he'll be at the airport!" She shouts out loud as she rests her back against your front door
"Okay, I'll be here at your house! Steve and his ridiculous lovelife- I swear to god- I'm gonna kick him in the ass" she slumps down in defeat as she mutters words under her breath
Why would he leave you?
Fuck, no- did he regret it again?
Tears well up in your eyes as your stomach began to churn as you fighting for your dear life to get into the airport as fast as you could
No, Steve wouldn't- stop overthinking- maybe, he has a reason
He won't just leave you like this, you felt how soft and he made you feel like you're the only person on his life
He made you think that the both of you had a future
So, why would he leave without a word?
You ran as your feet can take you, but when you saw the airplane takes it flight, you rest your head against the window and sobbed
The familiar voice calls your name and you look around a bewildered Steve who is now walking towards you
"Baby, what are you doing-"
"I thought you left me" you hold him tight as you looked at him in the eyes
"You're not going to leave me? Are you?" Your voice sounds so small that he doesn't want to see you crying anymore
"Honey, I'm here, I would rather jump off a cliff for leaving you all alone again, okay?" He reassures you as your worried features decreases but there's still uncertainty on your eyes as he takes a deep breath
"Robin is in the house, I don't-" he cuts you off as he tuts
"Ah-ah, let me speak- the airline called me in the morning and told me that the schedule that I booked in for is going to take off and of course, that would be a disaster since I used half of my expenses for the flight right? So, I made a decision on the spot- I called Robin to accompany you because you were peacefully asleep, baby, I don't wanna wake you and I was about to come back to you and tell you that you're coming with me" he held up in front of your face of two airplane tickets
Your unsureness totally fades away as you look at the ticket, you read aloud what it says
"Chicago?"
"Yeah, I'm going to take you with me while I study for college"
"I actually want to take master's degree too"
"Yeah? We can go together"
A big smile grows on your lips as you step forward to him as he closes the gap and gives you the most promising kiss
"We better start packing up soon"
"We sure are"
"I love you"
He kisses your cheek, "I don't think I could love you more, baby, I love you more than anything"
•
special mention to @savage-aespa, this person here is the main reason why I made this fic! literally giving me an idea that there's a possibility for them to be together and I hope I did my job alright! I'm sorry, it took me a month to finish this up and if you made it here, thank you so so much for reading, your support and your kindness will always be appreciated! take care always! 🥹🫶🏻✨
#Spotify#steve harrington#steve harrington x fem!reader#steve harrington x fem#steve harrington fluff#steve harrington smut#steve harrington angst#steve harrington x reader#stranger things 4#steve harrington x you
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jily and jegulus are very different ships and I'm astounded people think jegulus shippers stole jily tropes and made it gay
THIS IS NOT HATE ON JILY I LOVE THEM DONT COME FOR ME
just because regulus is a younger sibling w a bad relationship, "reads books" and warms up to james over rime does not make him similar to lily at all.
jily is bad boy x good girl, enemies to lovers in canon, she dislikes james because he's selfish and arrogant, he targets people for no good reason, he's a bully and is incredibly immature. he's a show off and tries to get her attention several times and tries to persuade her to go out with him if she wants him to stop bothering other people. James is the main reason he and lily take so long to get together. it's only when he changes as a person and becomes better that she starts to have feelings for him. there is no point where he is arrogant that lily is attracted to him whatsoever, she hated him then liked him no in-between middle stage.
jegulus on the other hand although being enemies to lovers is completely different character wise and the way the relationship starts out.
reg despises james not because he's arrogant and selfish but because sirius has replaced reg with james. because he knows that sirius hates him and has found someone who he considers to be such a better option to him. james hates regulus because of how sirius was treated by his family. He automatically puts regulus into that umbrella of ppl (or tries to get reg to like him one of the two). But even though reg hates james because of his relationship with sirius he's also incredibly thankful that james was able to get sirius out of their house, there is fondness there even though he doesn't want it to be. Regulus is the one in this relationship that prevents them from getting together.
unlike lily regulus is not open to change and tries force his own feelings down as he is determined to keep hating james even though deep down he doesn't really. Lily is open to james changing as a person and therefore open to the new possibility of a relationship.
BASICALLY what I'm trying to say is YOU CAN SHIP BOTH but there is NO reason to discredit jegulus by saying they stole tropes from jily and just made lily a man just to prove jily is better and to say that jegulus shippers are misogynistic.
BOTH are beautiful ships and are very different from one another, stop creating problems to create problems my god.
#free jegulily#my poor babies are always put up against each other#leave them alone for once.#free regulus#free lily#yall irritate me lol#the marauders#marauders#marauders era#dead gay wizards#fuck jkr#jegulus#starchaser#jily#regulus black#james potter#lily evans
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𐙚 WARM WELCOMES — LEO VALDEZ .ᐟ ˚⋆.
˚ ₊ · ͟͟͞͞➳ ꒰ leo valdez x gn!reader — a riordanverse blurb ꒱
— ordered﹔yes / no - here!!
— ingredients﹔fluffy whipped cream, use of y/n, purpose use of lowercase alphabet soup, reader has a supporting/loving family, established relationship, probably not well proofread, lmk if i missed anything!
— wc﹔500+ // 4 min average reading time
— recipe﹔read the order above :)
— cassie's tea time﹔i've been scrolling on pinterest for so long and couldn't find any good photos for 'handmade' stuff so i decided to just go w those three 😔😔 i also had like no idea what to name this HELP [also thank you to that anon who told me what i got wrong because i was like half asleep when i wrote this]
﹙the cafe // dishes // menu // barista board﹚
leo valdez stood nervously at your doorstep, one hand stuffed into the pockets of his jeans and the other fiddling with a gift he brought for your family. despite the confident grin he usually wore, you noticed the anxiety in his eyes. you reached over and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.
"they’re going to love you, i just know it." you said, smiling warmly.
"easy for you to say," leo muttered, but his smile became more genuine as he looked at you. "you're not the one who has to impress their partner's family."
"you'll do great," you assure, kissing his cheek.
as you opened the door, you could hear the sound of laughter from the living room. leo’s grip tightened on your hand for a moment before he took a deep breath, following you inside.
"mom, dad, this is leo," you introduced him to your parents. leo smiled nervously, giving them a small wave, his eyes looking around the room as if taking everything in.
your father stepped forward first, a kind glint in his eyes. "nice to meet you, leo," he said warmly, extending a hand. leo shook it firmly, a bit of the tension easing from his shoulders.
then came your step-mother who treated you like you really were her own. "my child's boyfriend, yes? she talks about you a lot." she chuckled.
you blush, and leo can't help but laugh as he glanced at you, his anxiety melting into amusement. "they're truly one of a kind."
"i made a few things for you guys.. just as a gift, y'know?" leo says sheepishly with a smile, handing your family the handmade gifts he had spent all night working on.
"made this yourself?" your father says, impressed as he examined the wrsitwatch your boyfriend gave him, turning it over in his hands to inspect the fine details..
"yep!" leo nods, squeezing your hand for reassurance.
"can you really make anything?" your little brother asked, eyes wide with awe and curiousity.
leo grinned enthusiastically, his eyes lighting up with excitement. "pretty much. wanna see?" your little brother nods eagerly.
he pulled a few random items from his pockets — a couple of screws, a piece of wire, and a small chunk of metal. in minutes, he had crafted a tiny bird that flapped its wings and chirped. your sibling’s eyes widened in amazement.
as the evening wore on, the tension leo had disappeared. by the time dessert came around, he was trading jokes with your dad and sharing stories with your mom like they’d known each other for years.
when it was time to leave, your parents pulled you aside.
"he’s a good one," your mother said softly, her eyes warm. "and he clearly cares about you."
your father nodded. "just make sure he knows we’re always watching," he added with a wink, his tone teasing but his meaning clear.
you couldn't help but roll your eyes playfully. "yeah, yeah, dad, got it."
you walked leo to the door, the night air cool against your skin. he turned to you, his expression a mix of relief and happiness.
"that wasn’t so bad," he admitted, pulling you into a hug.
you laughed, resting your head against his chest. "told you they’d love you."
leo kissed the top of your head. "thank you for believing in me."
you smiled up at him. "always."
— thank you for placing your order, and i hoped you enjoyed your meal! kisses from jvpiterzs <3
— cafe guest list﹔n/a
#₊ ˚ ‧ ୭ৎ — jvpiterzs .ᐟ ★#✮ cassie's cafe creations ᡣ𐭩#leo valdez#leo valdez x reader#leo valdez x you#leo valdez x yn#leo valdez x y/n#leo valdez imagine#leo valdez fanfic#leo valdez fic#pjo#pjo imagine#pjo fanfic#pjo fic#pjo x you#pjo x yn#pjo x y/n#pjo x reader#hoo#hoo imagine#hoo fic#hoo fanfic#hoo x you#hoo x yn#hoo x y/n#hoo x reader
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I really loved your post about how you shouldn't settle for a man who acts like you're lucky that he is with you. As a straight woman who has never been in a relationship at the big age of 23, who is also insecure about it, it felt really valuable to me. I also wonder if what you talked about can also be applied to dudes who make a whole thing about how their gf is depressed/insecure/whatever but they love her anyway. I was feeling sad today (for reasons not even related to a man) and being a girl who is sad that naturally made me think of the song that's like "this is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned her whole world...although she looks so sad...i love her when she smiles". And I caught myself thinking "i wish i could find someone who loves me even though i'm sad a lot of the time." And then I remembered your post and I was like...oh...hmm
I think loving someone who struggles in this way is different than loving someone "despite" them being "ugly." However, yes I think you should be cautious about men who lay it on thick that they love you despite your depression. I thinks some things to keep an eye out for:
does he encourage healthy practices for you and him, or does he enable your bad habits?
does he pay attention to all your emotions, or seems only deeply interested in your sadness? does it feel fetishistic?
does he seem to have a narrative about you he puts forward to his friends and family? like, is your depression your number one feature? does he act like it's his story to tell, rather than take cues from you when and how to talk about it?
does he talk about your depression like a muse, or his own motivation to get himself better? this is objectifying.
does he connect your sadness and trauma to beauty, physical or otherwise? huge red flag.
outside of your relationship, is sadness sexy for him? were other girls he dated depressed (and it's all he talks about)? does he have a hero complex he finds arousing? does he make offhand comments about sad singers, sad movie stars, sad video game characters? this might be esoteric, but people reveal themselves in small ways when they're not thinking too hard about it.
does he keep you sad, does he take you down a peg? does he remind you that you're sad, that you're depressed, does he whittle down your self esteem? when you have a good day, does he ever say things like it won't be long until you're depressed again? does he never let you forget you're only a sad girl woman, instead of a full complete person?
does he expect you to act differently for him than he does for you when he is suffering from similar issues and symptoms? if he's sad, should your world stop to get him back on his feet - yet when you're sad, it's a fact of life and his only responsibility is "loving you"?
any expectation on his part that sex with him should be healing - red flag, big red flag. that's your determination, and you are in your right to say no to sex, any sex act, anytime. you don't have to "try" anything to see if it makes you feel better, you don't have to pretend orgasms are magical drugs, and you don't have to lie about if the sex you just had was good or bad, or did something extra for you or not. loving sex might help your symptoms, or might not, you don't have to convince yourself one way or the other. especially not for the sake of his ego.
Additionally: does being with him feel like it's aiding your health, recovery, or just in general? This is true of all relationships for everyone, but I think if you know you struggle with depression, it's important to remember that you need to prioritize treating your depression, and that shouldn't be a shock or surprise to someone who loves you. If your relationship is taking energy away from yourself, and if it feels like it exacerbates your symptoms, let him go. He doesn't have to be malicious for this to be true. Your relationships should be fulfilling, help you thrive. Not everyone can do that for you, even loving people who try their best might not be who you need right now.
Good luck!
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So we know that Stolas has literally no concept of boundaries with Blitz and, to a lesser extent, Octavia. He flirts with Blitz right in front of her, talks about his sex life in front of her, and calls her mother a bitch to her face. We also know that he’s generally a great dad and these are more moments of cracking under a devastating amount of pressure than a serious reflection of his ability to parent.
I think most of us with toxic families wish we had fathers and mothers who could see we were in distress and just remove us from the bad situation (granted Stolas caused, but still) instead of telling us to suck it up and deal with it. And most of us with toxic families wish when we did something stupid, they’d hug us and apologize to us for being self-centered and not be angry, but forgiving and doting.
I think Stolas has few boundaries with Octavia because Paimon was so absent (and we’ve never seen his mother, who knows if she’s even alive) so he’s doing the thing my traumatized father did and a lot of traumatized parents do: he’s swinging violently in the opposite direction. “My father was so cold and unloving, so I’m going to tell my daughter everything on my mind all the time so she knows how much I love her.”
Which, is still bad. But I’d say it’s a lot more forgivable than Stella, who doesn’t seem to care about Octavia one way or another. And I doubt there’s many parenting books in Hell (and I especially doubt that a Goetia would be caught dead reading one).
I think Stolas and Octavia will have a good relationship in the future. Just maybe after some therapy. And books about boundaries.
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quick rant — life is strange is such a beautiful representation of how there are no "good" or "bad" people, they're just people.
this is mainly (in my mind) shown through nathan. its so easy to hate him, but he won my heart just as easy. his character is so well written, i can talk about him for years — a broken boy from a broken home, searching for somebody, anybody to accept him and love him for who he is.
first, he's abused by his stuck up father, shunned by his entire family, and then is revealed to have multiple mental illnesses, that he has to take medication for, and is expressed as an embarassment, not just at home but at school too. nobody accepted him, nobody liked being around him besides victoria, rachel and samantha. samantha, being the only person to defend him and show him love and kindness, who claps for him and just him at the end of the play. then that ends, one way or another judging by the fact that samantha isnt a character in the original game and nathan seemingly just gives up on her when she unknowingly walks away from him at the end of before the storm. he spirals, becomes bitter and angry between games and is no longer the introverted, kind, quiet, nathan we see in before the storm. he's used, manipulated, (probably blackmailed) and forced to aid in drugging, kidnapping, and photographing girls. he "accidentally" (i have theories..) kills rachel, another one of his friends who genuinely treats him well enough to even have a picture of them together in her room. and then he has to bury her and live with the guilt of a closest friends death hanging above his head, which worsens when her missing posters are splayed across blackwell, and the entire town. he gets busted for the gun, gets busted for kates (attempted) suicide, gets beat up, has to live with knowing that jefferson is planning on kidnapping another one of his best friends, and then gets murdered.
characters like him (and finn) and discussions of "i feel bad for him but i still hate him" "i have a love hate relationship with him" are so silly to me because hes not necessarily a "bad" person or an "evil" character, he's just a person. of course, this does not at all excuse helping jefferson or killing rachel (i have my own theories on how it isnt as bad as it sounds on nathans part, but not really going into detail on that rn) but his voicemail to max really changes the perspective on everything (to me)
"max, it's.. it's nathan. i.. i just wanted to say.. i'm sorry. i didn't want to hurt kate or rachel, or.. i didn't want to hurt anybody. everybody.. used me. mr. jefferson.. is coming for me now. all this shit will be over soon. watch out max... he wants to hurt you next. sorry." (Life Is Strange: Episode 5: Polarized, heard while max is driving to the two whales diner)
a broken boy, from a broken home looking to be loved, and in the end he's tricked and manipulated, only to be killed by his one escape.
i love him; his writing is so beautiful. he isnt evil or good, there is no angel or devil on his shoulders, he's a person.
i will always defend him, i literally love nathan with my whole heart.
#— lina speaks !#life is strange#square enix#dontnod entertainment#nathan prescott#life is strange: before the storm#life is strange 2#life is strange: true colors#max caulfield#chloe price#rachel amber
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have you guys watched the good place? if you have oh boy do i have the total drama au for you.
more under the cut in case ppl haven’t seen the good place! (watch it with no spoilers it’s one of the best shows of all time, it’s on netflix!)
(the characters and relationships in the actual show do not line up with the placements of the tdi characters, sue me! they fit better this way :))
noah takes on eleanor’s role as the protagonist. he wakes up in “the good place” and realizes quickly “aw fuck i’m not supposed to be here” and goes a little mental about it for a while!!
heather is michael, because it makes sense in my head okay. she’s very excited to have to new way of torturing humans, and is angry as hell when she fails over and over again because noah keeps figuring out it’s actually the bad place. she’s even more mad when she eventually learns to care about the humans LOL
sierra is janet, making sense as the all knowing entity of the universe. the main sierra is a “good place” sierra, but there’s many different versions of her. she develops real feelings everytime she gets rebooted along with the neighborhood!
courtney is chidi, when she was alive she was a very good lawyer. she knows her stuff about morals and ethics and is the one to usually end up teaching and helping the others how to be good people (not to say she doenst have her own stuff wrong just like everyone else!)
alejandro is more of tahani, in which on earth he appeared to be a very good and generous person, but he’s also kinda a vain asshole. he has a lot of family problems and was raised in competition with his brother, but he’s also usually the first person noah goes to when he realizes he’s screwed since he knows he doesn’t belong.
gwen is jason! she’s definitely not nearly as stupid as he is, but i see her plot as needing to hide herself working well somehow. she wasn’t a terrible person but she wasn’t great either, and taking one look around she knows she definitely doesn’t belong there either. her and noah are both happy and horrified when they discover each other!
anyways this is definitely alenoah because i see them having the relationship that eleanor and chidi have because i want it. I WANT IT.
the first time noah figures out it’s the bad place, the first thing he can think of to write to give him any clue on what’s going on when his memory is rebooted, is “find alejandro”
and in parallel later in the show when alejandro gets his memory rebooted, because he spent his whole life trying to find some meaning in whatever his life was, where he seemed to have everything but nothing at all, and he writes to himself, “there is no meaning. but noah is the meaning.” like please i’m on the floor do you guys see my vision
anyways go watch the good place and then go watch total drama island i love tv shows so much
#total drama#alenoah#i never stop thinking about alenoah#it seeps into everything i watch or read#i fear this may be niche but i don’t care#i have to express my thoughts to the world
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Ouhhhh friendship I love friendship……..
#I’m reading volumes 14-16 of the ouran manga OOUGHHH MY HEART#I love this weird little friend group so much its unreal#like u have this charming sweeps you off your feet prince but he’s actually a huge lovable idiot with a kind heart and his friends#who are all misfits that he reached out to and drew in because of his kindness and own weirdness like that shits TIGHT BRO#and the trauma part where he has some deep seated issues with love bc he thinks that itll break a family apart like with his mom#how his family isnt allowed to be together because his mom and dad fell in love and how he says he wants to build a big house#so that way one day everyone will get along as a family like. all he wants is not to lose everyone and the only way to do that is#by maintaining a certain order.. he both wants a complete family so bad and doesnt want anything to sour between anyone#so he assigns each of his friends a family role based on how he sees them and YEAH its mostly played for giggles and tamakis#already weird so its his way of showing theyre close to him but. god damn this boy has LAYERS#it also feels kinda meta towards how found family tends to get thrown around to assign characters as 'siblings' or family roles instead of#using it to describe characters who are close enough to be each others family. cuz tamakis doing that EXACT THING in a way tht#ties in with his character and i have to say its fascinating using that within the story itself and its completely plausible#theres a lot of things i can say about ouran that are good bad and questionable but. god i love it when characters are niceys to each other#i remember i really liked the mall episode bc kyoya and haruhi got to spend time together and their relationship isnt very close#but it was really nice to see their personalities bounce off each other. i think i also wouldve liked to see haruhi alone with kaoru#i also firmly believe all of the hosts are at least a little in love with haruhi and this can be anything like endearing romantic cuz like#who DOESNT love haruhi. kyoya i think would want to study her under a microscope like his fascination with her draws him in#but im fucking obsessed with whatever haruhi and tamaki have going on because YES hes obsessed with her YES he jumps at the chance to#put her in a cute costume but haruhi? she just fucking goes with it because she knows hes fun to be around even if hes a little wacky abt i#theyre all so. NNGGHHHH#ouran#ohshc#yapping
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Man this is so random but this theory is stuck in my head and I wanna see how other people feel about it because I don't see people talk about it a lot (I have no clue if the link will go through properly since I've never put a link in a ask box)
https://www.tumblr.com/art-w0rm/667910993425350656/theory-time
Oh god not this theory again. I really truly try not to be mean to people for no good reason on this blog, but this theory is literally one of the stupidest fucking things I've ever seen in my entire life. I don't talk about this theory because to me it's like the walten files theory equivalent of that tubby custard mechanically separated chicken post.
Most of the time I genuinely don't even consider it worthy of my time, because it's nonsense, but this is a very nicely worded ask, and I really don't mean to dedicate any of the vitriol I hold towards this theory to You, poor anonymous person, so I will deconstruct it. I will go through the theory point-by-point and deconstruct why I disagree with it.
First up, this:
Showbear is not a character in The Walten Files anymore. Showbear was fully retconned and is never going to appear in the series again. He was effectively just a cameo of ThunderingStatic's (one of Martin's friends) OC, but when The Walten Files blew up and people started assuming Showbear was Martin's character, Static decided to withdraw his character from the series and focus putting him in other projects.
Martin talked about this on Twitter forever ago, but I wouldn't be able to find that tweet now. But here's a bit from the interview he did with KnowYourMeme back in 2021 where he talks about it:
Now this:
This is just stupid to me? Like a complete logical incongruity? I barely even know how describe what is dumb about this because I can't even fathom how anyone draws this conclusion from this information. How is it strange for a man to say 'if my wife isn't home by the time she said she was going to be, let me know, in case something happened.'????? Why would Rosemary be out cheating on her husband with her fucking daughter with her??? If Rosemary was cheating on her husband why would her whole life collapse when he went missing? If Rosemary was cheating on her husband why would she show up at the restaurant every day after he disappeared asking if anyone had seen him and hoping to find him alive??? Why would she make paintings of herself and him together after he disappeared????? What the fuck are you talking about?
Ok now this:
Whatever. This is maybe the most coherent part of the theory, to me. I definitely agree that Sha evokes a 'wolf in sheep's clothing' sort of aesthetic, but I do remember Martin saying something in a Twitter Q&A at one point about how that wasn't actually intentional, and that Bon was the character he actually meant to seem unusually predatory. I looked for a while and couldn't find a screenshot of that, but I did find this one where he says the thing about Bon:
So whatever. take that with a grain of salt.
I don't even know what to say. here. Whatever. sure she was rolling in the hay
yeah Rosemary is asking if she's still beautiful because she cheated on her husband and not because she was chopped up and stuffed inside a big animatronic sheep. I think this is correct and is the True Deep Lore.of the walten files. I'm sure this doesn't have anything to do with the recurring motif of the double-meaning behind the word Beautiful either.
I don't know why it's weird that the lost lingering spirit of a mother would be calling out to her only living child. I Don't know why that needs additional explanation involving this batshit infidelity conspiracy theory.
Sha's chest is also ripped out
So is Banny's, honestly? Just a little less?
ok now this:
I guess I can't disprove this except that I think this is dumb. I think this is a really incredibly stupid logical leap to make. Y'know I really meant to go into this levelheadedly and very calmly go through every point and talk about why I think it's Decisively Disagreeable or whatever but I can't. I really can't. I just cannot keep my patience with this sort of thing.
You'd think if there was an infidelity aspect here it would've been lampshaded in some respect, at all, in the old /sophiewalten findjackwalten page text. Where it's literally Sophie talking to Jenny about what she remembers about her family.
Especially if the idea is that Sophie is meant to have been there. You'd think something like that would have come up here. Not 'she was nice and a good mom until my dad disappeared and her mental health started getting worse'
#ask#this theory always feels like someone's pulling a prank on me. like they're trying to see how much stupid bullshit they can say convincingl#before i notice and get mad#i'm sorry i couldn't keep it together for you anon I really dont mean to make anyone feel like an idiot#i just really don't have the patience for something like this today I think.#we haven't seen a lot of rosemary's characterization in the walten files yet#but everything we HAVE seen externally characterizes her as loving and compassionate but also sharply protective of the people she loves#and also so very deeply incredibly in love with her husband#and there's actually a decent bit of positioning her and jack as equals in their relationship which isn't exactly usual for the time#yknow. she has her own car and she has a job (even if its working for her husband's company.)#she's headstrong and ferociously talented and her husband is very supportive of her and of her artistic endeavors#yknow. the tragedy of jack and rose isn't that their relationship was bad#it's that their relationship was great and it was cut short over factors outside of their control#and now it lingers through the hallways of abandoned buildings as a broken facsimile of itself#there was a wonderful family full of people who loved each other intensely and had their whole lives still ahead of them#and it took one summer for all of it to be gone
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Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.
Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?
And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.
What do you think about it?
no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.
because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)
and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?
river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)
they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.
mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.
they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.
all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.
mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'
god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.
#like. to be clear also: i don't think the fact that amy didn't want kids and really didn't have a choice in giving birth to river#means that she wouldn't love river. i think it would make their relationship Complicated but i do think amy loves her. so much.#that's her daughter but it's also her best friend.#but like. god. to spend your whole childhood hoping you'll hear about some little glimmer of yourself.#a dream. a passing mention. a debate on baby names. anything. and to hear nothing.#and river is. like. she is really really bad at relationships right? we know this.#the person she's closest to is the doctor and she spends most of her life believing *he doesn't even love her*.#we're talking about someone whose base assumption about everyone is that they will try to hurt her at some point so she should always keep#one hand armed.#and her mother. didn't choose to have her. didn't have that choice. that has to fuck her up a little.#(and also serve as proof that river is. so so bad at knowing when she is loved. because maybe amy didn't choose to have her but she named#melody pond after mels her best friend. she has been choosing river every day for the past however many years since mels decided to come#here and be near her mom and dad even if only as kids. but river still can't see it.#and. given the nature of how the ponds disappear from her life. and we never get any closure about them and river.#you have to wonder if she ever did. river song do you know your mother loves you?#having the melody-as-river reveal be so close to the end of the season and then getting rid of amy & rory before they can actually do#anything with the three of them as a messed up little family unit is the show's biggest crime. because i don't know! i don't know if river#knew her parents loved her! i don't know if she *ever* came to terms with how she was born and how they didn't need to choose her then to#choose her now! i don't know if river ever really felt comfortable thinking of them as her parents rather than her friends?#according to the transcripts. river calls amy 'mother' twice. (and 'mummy' once jokingly.) she calls rory 'father' once. and 'dad' in angel#in manhattan. and it just. it drives insane right? it's almost weirdly formal. like the words aren't right but she knows she should say the#and. and. i don't think i'm ever going to get over river song.#i think that's the takeaway here.#ask#doctor who#river song#amy pond#rory williams
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my sisters treat our mom so fkn bad. they make her upset and hurt her feelings all the time. yet she'd rather spend time with them than me...
#i mean. i kinda feel like... my mom is used to being treated badly#:/ everyone in her life has used her and walked all over her and treated her poorly#and then she was stuck in an abusive relationship for 20yrs#so idk it's kinda like she's used to it and even if she gets upset and dont want that#we all go back to what we know kinda ???#idk it just makes me so fkn sad to see them treat her like this and see her so sad#yet i cant do anything abt it. or say anything#god my entire family situation is messing w me so bad bc like what??? how?? why?#my dad rlly fkn fucked us up and ruined us :((#i wish my mom would've never met him so she could've lived a full good happy life like she deserves
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My life wouldve been so much better if Echo came out when i was a kid, is this what white hearing people feel like with all movies?!???
#Maya wouldve impacted my life SO MUCH if i saw her as a kid man.#this is so cool shes speaking my language she and her family looks like me and mine (minus the gang)#bad relationships with your grandma (even tho you really want a good one) rise uppppp#may i also say I UNDERSTAND HER#SHE SPEAKS MY LANGUAGE AND SHES BADASS AS SHE DOES#AND SHE HAS A MOTERCYCLE.#echo#this is my first time ever seeing anyone remotely like me in a movie or tv show and im about to cry#if id seen her as a kid being this badass maybe i wouldnt have been so isolated and depressed and different all my life
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#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere#one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions#so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so#despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself#and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral#it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me#not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared#and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her#I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else#but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult#and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side#to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side#she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences#and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control#religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk#having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe#she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough#I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike#and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends#because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting#now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side#it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks.#ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-
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