#it's more of an aspect of my identity
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a good reason to leave for me:
i honestly think it would be safer for me and therians to not be in the same space sometimes haha. P-shifting isn't safe for many and it can really hurt others.
Although I would love to stay, I know that it's probably safer for everyone to no longer teach it and keep to myself about things that involve how to shift and such.
P-shifting isn't a joke and can harm people who suffer from mental issues and other things of that sort. Its just not safe to teach in a large public space. It's something only some can stomach and be safe while doing. Plus some communities that are too unregulated exist and may mess with people's reality and how they perceive it. Some are too open to allow people to start p-shifting right off the bat and it's just too dangerous that way. (including those that say "oh just wait you will shift eventually but you cant control it at all" those are even worse.)
Theres a very good reason why newer communities are very apprehensive about teaching, or telling, or allowing new people who know nothing about it just hop in and start shifting. Usually if you are coming to the "learning" community (as in, you are following steps laid out by others to understand your identity) there is guidelines, there are warnings, etc. It's just too risky to not follow these guidelines and not listen to the warnings.
Dont start p-shifting right when you find out. Take the time to start a journal. Understand that what you are getting into isn't something that will make you cool or quirky. You risk your mental health if you are not careful. You have to be born to be a p-shifter. You must first mental shift before you can even think about p-shifting. P-shifting is not easy and will take years to even get to a point where you start getting somewhere physically.
The list goes on. When someone who is teaching shifting slacks in saying these things, you can harm someone. It takes a very long time to even get to the point where you may be ready to p-shift. Some never will p-shift. You have to accept these realities too. Not to mention how some older guides, although effective, can be so incredibly risky. (Such as completely shutting out the world and being an animal 24/7. Some people just take it too far and do it too early and ruin themselves.) Its just not worth it sometimes.
Thats why I'm leaving Tumblr. Too open, not safe for neither me nor others looking in. I know I usually don't have these sorts of posts, but I just saw someone in an anon saying how unstable their reality and they were after lurking in the community and it just.... its just so hard to see. Nobody deserves that sort of mental torture. Sometimes I forget that p-shifting actually can be dangerous to some if nobody teaches how important it is to regulate yourself, check in on yourself, and remember that p-shifting isn't for the faint of heart.
It's only for those who have spent so much time over years of their journey, exploring themselves, askong questions, taking breaks, questioning themselves so many times, and checking in, to finally be able to claim that they are able to p-shift. (There is so much more to it than that obviously.) My fourth year of shifting is coming up, and after so long I might be ready to leave the online community permanently and start my journey. (of physically shifting i mean. I spend more time teaching others rather than doing the practice itself right now lol. When i say p-shifting im trying to refer to the whole process, but really talking about the mental shifting and phantom shifting etc. Sorry if its been unclear, many know the whole community as "p-shifters" when in reality "p-shifters" are only those who havw actually preformed a p-shift. I havent yet in my conscious memory so i just call myself a shifter or nonhuman.)
Please be safe. Please, if you are curious about the p-shifting community, remember that it is a mixed bag and not for everyone. As always any community can be a mixed bag, but p-shifting "learning" communities can spiral and be too lax on the warnings and importance of these warnings.
Thats all. (make sure to read all tags fully too.)
#please be safe#if you are interested in p-shifting feel free to approach me but I'm not going to be as open as i used to be#this whole post isn't to claim that the p-shifting community is incredibly dangerous#i can be full of the most amazing kind people#the only issue is people forget how dangerous it can be to not remember the warnings that follow the community#many young people toss them aside because they think it's gatekeepers or a “cool kids only club”#(like i did)#but it's for safety and making sure you take it slow enough so that you can back out without being permanently damaged#p-shift#I will always tell anyone interested that you have to spend time researching thinking evaluating the list goes on#And it's nobody's fault#when you've been a p-shifter for a long time (like me) you forget the warnings that you followed in the beginning that protected you#from spiraling mental issues depression etc.#p-shifting can be done and practiced safely#hey i did it and I'm doing fine. I've lived with it for so long and don't hold onto it like a lifeline anymore#it's more of an aspect of my identity#im just trying to help others understand that it can be fun and safe but it's not something to joke with or play with#it is something that is serious and if the warnings are ignored usually very risky.#bro it's like rock climbing almost#“WEAR THE HARNESS. If you fall you won't plummet to your death!! Remember rules ABC and you will be okay!!”#it's sort of the same thing in that matter.#we do unsafe things all of the time but since we know the dangers and the warnings we will go about to be much safer in practicing it#Im just trying to say p-shifting from the “learning” side of it - these warnings should be heeded and taught.#Or else you get whats been happening lately with people wandering into places that are too lax with teaching the dangers#and people are traumatized and damaged from it#Many new people who I've seen wander onto my Amino don't even really know that there is even a process before p-shifting itself#it's scary and I'm afraid even more people will have to deal with the rough bumpy road of understanding that they aren't p-shifters#yeah so uh#this might not get any likes or anything but I still wanted to put this out there.#Please don't crop this and use this for out of context hate against p-shifting and p-shifters
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Leo frowns at his phone.
Or more specifically, at the test on his phone.
Around him, he hears the sound of his brothers tapping their own devices, much faster than he is. Looking up just makes Leo feel worse about his own progress - or lack-thereof.
Mikey’s the fastest, speeding through the test like nobody’s business. He’d been the one to make them all do this stupid test in the first place, so it makes sense that he’s having a blast.
Raph’s slower than Mikey is, but he’s still clearly answering the questions at a steady pace. Sometimes he looks unsure, but he powers through anyway.
Donnie often looks frustrated, which relieves Leo somewhat because at least someone is struggling like him. But that “struggle” isn’t nearly as big as his own, considering that Donnie is answering about as fast as Raph is.
Leo turns his gaze back down to his own test. He’s still near the beginning, he thinks.
He’d put the same answer for the past seven questions - the middle of the road answer, neither a “yes” or a “no.” Then, whenever he does come across one that is more one direction than the other, he second guesses himself and restarts the test!
Sure, there are a few he could definitely give a yes or a no to, but…never the “strongly agree” or “strongly disagree” that the test seemed to want from him.
He eyes his twin sitting nearby, the softshell absorbed in the test. Maybe Leo should copy what Donnie put for some of these…
“DONE!” Mikey’s shout makes Leo freeze in place just as he started to lean over.
“What?” Donnie squawks, “No way you’re already finished, you must’ve been cheating!”
“It’s a personality test, Dee!” Mikey stuck his tongue out, “You can’t cheat at those!”
…
Leo settles back into his seat.
Ignoring Donnie’s mutterings about how it was “just because it’s not an academic test” that he didn’t finish first, Raph smiles encouragingly at Mikey.
“Hey, good job! So what’d you get, Mike?”
Mikey looks back down at his test, reading aloud, “Says that I got the “Campaigner”!”
“What’s that mean?” Leo asks, his phone screen going dark.
“Apparently, I’m an “enthusiastic, creative, and sociable free-spirit”.” Mikey reads, smiling at them, “You think it fits?”
“Oh, to a T, bro!” Leo laughs, giving Mikey a thumbs up, making Mikey’s smile grow larger.
Inside, Leo was feeling a lot more mixed about this. He has no idea how Mikey knew himself so well. Maybe Donnie was right and Mikey did cheat, because how could he answer those questions so easily?
Leo’s phone burns in his hand. He keeps it locked.
“Wow, that really is you.” Raph says, his eyes flitting back and forth between his own test and Mikey, “Do you think it fits?”
“I guess? It’s fun to see at least!” Mikey shrugs with a grin.
“Hold on, I think…” Raph makes a noise of satisfaction, “Okay, done!”
“Sigh, now I’m relegated to the straggler group.” Donnie grumbles, his thumbs moving faster as he tries rushing through the questions.
“Ooh, what’d you get Raph?” Mikey asks, practically bouncing in curiosity.
“Says, uh…I got something called the “Consul”?” He squints his eyes to read more, “Uh, “caring, social, and community-minded.””
“Sounds about right to me.” Leo nods. Can’t be more “community-minded” than being a hero.
“Yeah, no one’s more caring than you, Raphie!” Mikey says, moving to lean across Raph’s shell.
“You do put the community in mind, that’s for sure.” Donnie states, not looking up.
Raph chuckles, a bit embarrassed, “Aw, thanks. It’s just some test, but it feels kinda good to hear that.”
Just a test. Right.
Leo unlocks his screen.
The test stares back at him.
Right. Okay. He can do this. He can.
The screen ends up going dark again.
Frustration builds up in Leo. Was he even halfway done with the test? At this rate, soon even Donnie will-
“FINISHED.”
Leo unlocks his phone.
“What’d you get, DonTon?” Leo asks as his thumb taps the top right of the screen.
Donnie puffs up proudly, a self sure grin on his face, “I got the result “Logician” which states that I, obviously, am an “innovative inventor with a thirst for knowledge.” Truly could not have described me better, if I do say so myself.”
“It is pretty accurate.” Raph agrees with a nod, “Even calls you an inventor, so extra accurate.”
“Super accurate.” Mikey jumps in, eyes shining.
“Yes, yes, almost like reading my own character synopsis.” Donnie’s grin had not dwindled since the word “innovative” had left his mouth.
Leo just nods along, eyes on his own screen as he skims the words. “Yeah, kinda creepy how close it got. Could have called you a nerd for extra accuracy, though.”
Donnie turns to him, eyes narrowing, “Have you even finished your test? I can think of a few words that’d describe you fairly well.”
“Test-y, huh?”
Before Donnie can strangle Leo, Raph cuts in.
“Ok, ok, calm it down, guys.” He rolls his eyes before turning to Leo. “But really, you’re not done yet?”
“Leo’s taking this self reflection seriously.” Mikey sports a faux intellectual expression as he gives a jokingly serious nod. “Maybe we all should’ve taken our time.”
“Says the one who sped through the whole thing in a record time.” Donnie mutters.
Leo waves them all off, “Nah, I finished it ages ago.”
He grins when Donnie immediately shoots him a suspicious glare. “Oh, you did, did you? Then what could you have possibly gotten, Nardo?”
“I’m glad you asked!” Leo clears his throat, “Neon Leon just so happens to be an “Entertainer.””
“Ah. That confirms it. This test is meaningless.” Donnie drones.
“Hey-“
“What’s an Entertainer like?” Mikey asks with a tilt of his head, still hanging off of Raph’s shell.
“Glad you asked, Miguel!” Leo exclaims, “It says that “life is never boring” around yours truly~”
He emphasizes this “result” of his by waving his phone with said “result” on screen.
It’s just an image he found of his chosen personality result, but they don’t need to know that.
Raph nods slowly, “Well, I guess that’s true…”
“”Never boring” is one way to put it.” Donnie hums.
“You are pretty fun, Leo!” Mikey says emphatically, because he’s great like that.
“Thank you, thank you, life of the party, right here.” Leo grins, pointing both thumbs at himself.
He’s careful not to go too overboard with it, or else it might tip someone off.
Not that it…really matters. It’s just a test. Like Raph said.
As the topic around him shifts to something else, jumping away from this brief activity as fast as any other among them, Leo finds himself unlocking his phone and pulling up the test again.
Unanswered questions stare at him. He knows what answers Lou Jitsu would pick. He knows what answers Jupiter Jim would pick. Hell, he knows exactly what answers his brothers would pick.
He doesn’t know what answers Leonardo would pick.
Leo stares at the test for a second longer, before he exits the site and throws himself into the conversation happening around him.
It’s just a stupid test, nothing to worry about.
Just a test…
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#could not ignore this idea that hit my brain haha#if you disagree with me on what personality types I gave the boys that’s fine tbh#picked mbti since it was the first one I thought of but again it like most of these tests isn’t super worth putting stock into#these tests are kinda dumb anyway but they’re fun to take#for some#anyway I love thinking about Leo struggling with his sense of identity#and in turn struggling with what is a persona and what is HIM#how much is a mask how much is built from taking traits from others how much is real how much is fake#even he doesn’t know#protagonist is probably a good choice for leo but I’m also tied to him secretly being the introverted type as well so#bit more of an ambivert maybe#he’s got aspects of a lot of them hence the difficulty answering questions#well most of his difficulty comes from an uncertainty of who he really is#again what is him and what is his mask#or masks#what even is his true self if his self is someone he’s never bothered to meet#a lot of the little details of his personality - the parts of him that we see peek out throughout the series and often on his own -#- they align with personality types that you would never think of when looking at him and his masks at face value#that’s not to say it’s all masks - he’s a goofy guy at his core - but he’s more than he lets on and we’re made privy to that in subtle ways#though fr protagonist is prob Leo’s most likely result
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So anybody gonna talk about how Aiden Hale's pronouns are he/him, and how every article I've read on the shooting says this, and then proceeds to use she/her and his deadname, Audrey? I don't care what a person does, using their correct pronouns is not just a privilege you take away. Use his correct pronouns.
Also hey before you make any comments or send me any asks about this, please read this ask I responded to since I'm tired of clarifying myself
Since this post ended up in radfem spaces no more reblogs ❤️
#tw shooting#shooting#audrey hale#if investigators and news anchors are gonna make it about his gender identity then god damn it so am fucking i#also so more people don't get on my ass about it: there are so many people talking about the shooting itself that i don't think me talking#about the gender identity aspect of it will take away from it. i'm just focusing on how this will potentially negatively affect the trans#community during a time in the us where trans people are near constantly under attack#later edit: interesting how almost everyone making shitty comments on this post has radfem in their bio 🤔 it's almost as if when aiden hale'#transgenderism is talked about from a place of concern instead of a place of accusation they get up in arms.. interesting#tw transphobia#transphobia#discourse#tw discourse
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don’t mind me I’m just busy having Feelings over the scene in the Moon Knight tv series where Marc meets the avatars/gods for the first time.
words can’t describe how distressed I got when Harrow showed up and started speaking, dripping poison into the words “he is unwell” with a tint of false concern, just the right amount condescension, and a spoonful of pity
thinking about how from that moment Marc (and the whole system) was disregarded as unreliable despite the fact that the situation had nothing to do with their DID. thinking about how the avatars and their gods stopped listening to him.
thinking about how the moment someone is neurodivergent, or disabled, or different in any way that isn’t palatable, that’s “scary”, they stop being worth listening to
not a person, just something to disregard, lock away, or pity.
And how Harrow got away with it, how he was able to frame himself as the caring “good guy” for revealing this incredibly personal piece of information to a group of people who had no business knowing it, effectively silencing someone who desperately needed to speak. For his own gain.
#Disclaimer: I do not have DID and I’m neurodivergent in a particularly “palatable” way#As in my stuff is much more destigmatized#This scene just hit me really hard#And it kinda makes me tear up in rage but maybe that’s just me and I’m overreacting or something#Idk I’ve just felt this as a young trans person too especially when someone overlaps different aspects of my identity#and I’ve seen it used on some close friends as well#moon knight#ableism#< tagging to be safe#marc spector#steven grant#jake lockley#moon knight thoughts#Mentioned ableism
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Having completely normal thoughts about kim kitsuragi and how his seemingly meticulous presentation is also wildly contradicting. And how all of it ultimately feeds into his repression and denial of self. He describes himself as a “regular, garden variety Revacholiere” but is obviously anything but (racial minority, member of “the homosexual underground”, police officer, etc). Does he really believe himself to be “regular” or is that just the framework he’s molded himself to fit into over the years. If you say it long enough maybe it will eventually be true
Its implied by some of his pre- and in-game interactions that kim utilizes the authority/power of being a cop for not entirely “just” actions (taking the spinner hubcaps from a suspect pre-game, he joins in on bullying the would-be skulls for their jackets, etc). He’s a “moralist” because it allows him to follow commands and enforce the moralintern’s laws without taking full blame for the larger ethical picture of his and the rcm’s impact. He resents his time as a juvie officer, especially the “kimball” case, because it undermined and threatened the carefully curated image of authority he’s built for himself as a cop.
But in the same breath kim is also patient and often outright kind to harry with his mental breakdown and amnesia. He doesn’t disrespect The Smoker on the Balcony or harry’s obvious bisexual awakening despite his own tight lipped, reserved position in regards to his own place in “the underground”. Kim is kind to lilienne’s little kids and encourages harry to be as well. He fights against the mercenaries at the tribunal despite the fact that they are also throwing around their power not unlike the rcm is known to do (re: mention of harry’s pre-game shootout in a church)
God just, imagine being a war orphan looking around at the world. Your parents died due to their involvement in political movements. People view you as less than or even subhuman due to your race. No one gets married anymore, you’ll never see anyone like yourself out in the open or forget the colorful words people have for boys like you. If someone offered you the opportunity to have more authority over your own life and interactions with others than youve ever known, a community of brothers in arms willing to die for you, access to places and things and knowledge you couldnt get otherwise—what reason do you have not to take up that offer?
Kim kitsuragi wants to blend in with every other citizen in revachol. And yet, he dons his bright orange jacket and police issued ID card every morning. He listens to Speedfreaks FM on his way to work. He’s killed 8 people. Regular, garden variety Revacholiere
#long post#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#kim#hmmmmm thinking thoughts about these horrible old men again#i know others have explored this more eloquently esp how his racial identity seems to really drive his issues#i dont feel like i have the knowledge nor is it my place to speak too much on that aspect though since i havent lived it#god just being a gay cop alone is an oxymoron i cant imagine his weird identity clashing with all the issues elysium has going on#hahns speaks#disco elysium spoilers#de spoilers
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self portrait warmups from earlier attempting to incorporate my soonish hair change, doggy style. what. my fursona just looks weird to me without a hat LOL
#my hair has always been a big aspect of my identity so buzzing off my mohawk is gonna b weird but more in the sense of like drawing my#fursona without it lol. irl im super ready for a change. i havent buzzed my head or bleached for yrs#my art#ocs#fursona#furry#anthro#canine#dog#doberman#leonberger#husky#idk how 2 draw it yet obviously but thatse ok lol.
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tbh i hate the "transphobia FAIL! local transmasc passes super well but transphobic idiots still call him a woman!" and "when ur friends transphobic mom introduces her 'daughter' and he looks like House MD! LOL" jokes sooo much! i actually believe they contribute to transmisogyny (not to mention that correlating someone deserving respect in one's gender and how well that someone passes is... dehumanizing to say the least).
trans women trying to pass by ridding ourselves of "masculine" features is often incredibly difficult, expensive, and painful— and in fact we are no more deserving of transphobia even if we look like those hairy, muscular, broad, burly transmascs in your memes...
on a very basic level, nobody should have to endure medical changes for their body and identity to be respected. thats like.. basic feminism, right? yet it is currently a whole meme that "looks like man = man" ... do u not see how trans women will suffer for this? that we always suffer the most for shit like this?
#i used to rly disagree w my ex about this actually. he just more and more believed that 'transitioning' was a key aspect to trans identity#like ugh dudes lets make it harder on each other why dont we 🙄#transmisogyny
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a big part of the queer online kid to queer online young adult progression for me was losing all interest in labels. not in a distasteful way!! just. losing interest .....
#ive got a big post in the drafts about how ive found it impossible to exist outside of the queer identity structure these days#and the pros and cons of that#and i havent published it because i fear it giving off some anti-labeling-for-anyone-ever aura. which is not the vibe !!!#but talking entirely personally. yeah nowadays i feel weird even calling myself genderqueer!! listing a pronoun preference.#advertising myself as a lesbian at the forefront of my general human identity#because i am those things and people can refer to me in those ways!! absolutely#but ultimately my queerness is a lot more fluid than i gave it credit for as a kid/teen#and i think it defines less of me than i thought it did#or at least its such an intrinsic part of me that i can afford to look at a lot of other aspects of what makes me me#and this is all just my personal very privileged experience!! this isnt universal queerhood 101. but that makes it interesting!!#i dont know im having a very coming of age moment this year and im thinking a lot about identity. this is my diary welcome internet
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Thinking about Renée Minkowski’s sense of responsibility as a Commander...
Ep14 The Kumbaya Approach
Ep21 Minkowski Commanding
Ep29 Pan-pan
Ep47 Into The Depths
Ep61 Brave New World
#w359#Wolf 359#These are the kinds of moments I was thinking about when I said that for Minkowski leadership is first and foremost about responsibility#(in my response to that last ask)#Other aspects of leadership are important to her but in terms of what drives her it's that need to protect her people#Being a Commander is such an important part of Minkowski's identity#something she strived towards for years#but it's also such a heavy thing for her#the weight of feeling that she is responsible for her crew's lives#The thing about 'I need to know... that I got someone through this' is that of course it's about her need for Eiffel to survive#but it's also got that implication that she feels it's her responsibility to get them through this#It's a throughline from 'It's my job to keep my crew safe'#There are more moments that fit this theme and more that could be said about them but I'll leave it there for now#Also Minkowski's birthday is on May 4th so it is the season for Minkowski-posting#Renee Minkowski#Renée Minkowski#long post#w359 spoilers#wolf 359 spoilers#the empty man posteth
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bro why the fuck is understanding my gender locked behind reckoning with my traumatic childhood and the de-gendering & social masculinization i went though due to poverty and having to turn to masculinity/male social systems due to being rejected from girlhood at a young age and needed a social systems to protect myself from the consequences of being an autistic traumatized gifted student.
cant i just have a quick answer? a shortcut? without dredging all that up? without getting a PHD in gender-studies? please??
#thebirdspeaks#welcome to my ongoing gender crisis#i am a thing that exists and also technically a person#i cant even fully describe the gender i was perceived as pre-social transition#like i was a girl on paper but i was broadly treated as such so little#that i cant easily fit into seen as girl -> actually not one#its more other people refused me femininity & other aspects of being a girl#so i forcibly embraced masculinity#because you cant survive on the outside#and i was very much one of the guys#a very very extreme tomboy#and that resulted in further rejections from femininity#idk like on paper i was a girl#but i was never really treated as one#i was this in-between thing#even before i came out as trans#like before & after coming out blurs bc all that changed was transphobia#anyway#tldr my gender identity is confusing and going back to try and figure it out is needed but also messy as fuck
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I love the idea of it being maybe a couple of days after the Captain has died, and he has gotten over the intense initial shock of being dead and the subsequent freak out that follows it, and he has reverted back to just being ‘the Captain’ and trying to make some order of his existence and keep himself busy, and presenting himself to the other ghosts as a ranking officer and their leader, and he has a little speech, and one of the ghosts makes a remark about some weird or wacky thing that they did or do, or suggests something unusual, and Cap is immediately horrified and just exclaims ‘but that’s not proper behaviour!’, and all the other ghosts just scoff a bit or kind of ignore him, but Fanny gives an approving noise and says ‘quite right, Captain!’, and basically them just becoming quite close quite quickly due to their love of rules and order and ‘proper’ behaviour.
Just Fanny finally finding another ghost who understands her and agrees with her and her constant adherence to the strict rules she was forced to follow when she was alive, and the Captain finding in Fanny a person who understands and appreciates his need to maintain his status as Captain and find a sense of order within the madness.
#cat.txt#bbc ghosts#i just think that fanny must’ve been so lonely for so many years - both when she was alive but also in death with no one similar to her for#company and I love the idea of Fanny and Cap just both seeing a part of themselves in each other and having a sense of subconscious pity#because they know the rigid societal pressures and fears that shape a person to be like them but this understanding is never acknowledged#(because they are so repressed - they barely even acknowledge the understanding even within themselves) and so they both find a deep#connection between each other but also their own behaviours end up encouraging each other to maintain the repressive habits that were so#deeply ingrained into them during life even if those behaviours aren’t healthy#like obviously they are both very different characters but the societies they both lived in were incredibly repressed and there were strict#societal rules that were ingrained into them due to an aspect of their identities - for Fanny it was her gender and for Cap it was his#sexuality - and i just think their friendship is so interesting because of how similar but also different they are#i feel like this deserves another post that is more analytical and not just headcanon-y but i am thinking about the so much tonight#bbc ghosts the captain#bbc ghosts fanny#cap my beloved#fanny my beloved
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venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)
#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me#like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes#and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her.#but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style#like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting#like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core)#but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to#which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own#it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke.#like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch#but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to???#everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those)#i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way#what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian#like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me#i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women''#which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively#people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation#but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc#(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either#bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme#idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love)#i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance#even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do#that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes#like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it??#even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses??#that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger???#and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16#because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem
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I'm sorry if this is a too deep question out of nowhere, but on your HCs, how do you think the curses (and mahito especially) perceive gender? Mahito uses masculine pronouns in canon, but do you think he identifies with a specific gender? Is agender? Is interested in studying the importance we humans give to it, or thinks it's too stupid and unecessary? Does he comprehend certain prejudices that humans have due to gender ideas? I was also going to include asking about sexuality too, but I think this is already a pretty big ask </3 have a good day S2
Feel free to ask anything you like! I love deep questions.
With curses in general I think the context matters - as in, the type of curse they are. Say a curse exists that was born from the suffering women have endured, I feel like that curse would be more attached to the associated gender because its existence and nature surrounds that gender specifically. Whether that curse has the sentience or care to identify as said gender is another thing to consider. How a curse presents itself could be directly related to that gender its nature is associated with, or it could be a more ambiguous thing that covets aspects of the specific gender despite being something more akin to agender.
I think it comes down to the nature of the curse (why the curse was born to begin with) + the level of sentience of the curse (if it possesses the awareness to care about gender). I think a curse lacking sentience/awareness that identifies as a gender is likely echoing its nature without consideration - like a ghost looping in the place it died. Curses seem to echo "gibberish" about what made them or is related to their birth.
By default I lean towards the 'no' zone of curses perceiving gender to the degree humans do. While gender can be important to the type of curse it is, gender doesn't actually serve a purpose beyond that to them. It's entirely a human construct in terms of identification. Gender serves a reproductive purpose, sure, but how many curses are out there making babies? I ask that because curses, as we know them, lean more into negative and destructive habits than positive and creation based ones.
The context of a curse is what can give them a gender association, but a curse possessing sentience to some degree is what can define their perception on gender - if they even have one.
With Mahito I think he understands humans value gender perception. I don't think he personally cares deeply on the matter himself in terms of identification, but he likes the way the male form feels more-so than the female form. From the angle I write him from, I feel like he's agender but likes to be masculine presenting in body to a degree.
(Side note: I have a running theory way off to the side on the fact he was more masc leaning because human hatred, fear and betrayal in history has been more knowingly caused by men and patriarchies. That's not me saying women haven't done shit things in history, mind you, since Mahito isn't really bound to any one gender doing one. But predominantly in history, regardless of country even, we see male leaders of nations or clans being the ones to decide the fates of others. Betraying their people, enslavement, forcing their people into war, murdering for their own gain or enjoyment, etc. and the greater documentation we have of it regarding men over women.
It made me think that maybe Mahito's development into a masc leaning build was influenced by that. But he also keeps his features feminine leaning because plenty of women in history have also done wrong. Both in the past and present day - whatever the span of energy was that built up enough to make him. Or remake him (again and again).
It's a very tentative thing I'm considering because obviously it Doesn't Sound Great on paper. But Mahito is a little bit of a scholar of sorts, between human psychology, philosophy and (in my opinion) having some manner of interest in history - I can see him kind of playing with this angle because it could feel right to him to embody aspects of what birthed him. Presenting as a feminine man also is its own topic that inspires stupid amounts of hatred in people. Seeing as Mahito likes to make people upset, uncomfortable, etc. I can also see him forming his body based on that.
And while I know a person's art style is liable to change here and there and what not - I find it fun to think that Mahito is just shapeshifting himself a little here and there. Thins his muscles, gets a little leaner now and then, sometimes gets more bulky. Adjusts depending on his wants or if he thinks it's necessary to.
Anyways, these thoughts in here are just tentative ones I'm musing on because I'm trying to factor in the things that birthed him and how they've played a role in humanity. So take this section in parenthesis with a grain of salt for now.)
Back to your inquiry, I think he'd be interested to learn how humans perceive it and what the fuss is all about. The subject of gender in the modern era sparks a lot of negativity between those who are going unheard and those who are obtuse on the matter. I think Mahito understands gender in the form of human reproduction and doesn't inherently think more on it beyond that.
If someone corrected him on how their identify he'd take a second to consider their physical form and if it was based on that or based on their mental perception of themselves. Either way, I don't really feel like he'd have a care in going along with how someone identifies as, since gender to him isn't a huge deal. On top of that, his interest in psychology and philosophy surrounding the subject is probably the saving grace here that would have him be interested in going along with it. Because without that, he really wouldn't care and would call someone whatever came to mind.
This isn't to say he's a nice curse, btw. Mahito will likely make rude jokes at the expense of someone. Gender, orientation, whatever regarding all that isn't really off limits if he wants to be mean in some way.
I think Mahito has a good understanding on the prejudices that exist. While he has no real attachment to gender as a curse and just decides based on his whim of what he likes at the time, he understands the value humans have with it and the negativity that generates because of the subject. Hell, he was probably born from a decent chunk of the hatred ignorant people have on the subject and the hatred (and fear) people on the other side of the debate (nonbinary, trans, etc) also experience.
Mahito sees this issues humans face and thinks they are silly things to squabble about. But hey, they are generating negativity and kind of proving his own ideology so he isn't about to complain either.
Also feel free to ask about sexuality! I'm pausing this answer without that part because I'm not wholly sure what about it you'd like me to address. If you mean how curses or Mahito perceive sexuality? Or if he associates with that-- like similar questions here just flipped for that subject or something else. So rather than presuming I'll let you feel free to ask if you'd like so I can give the inquiry the attention it deserves.
If I didn't answer something enough, feel free to specify and I'll clarify my thoughts further. I don't mind at all.
Mind anyone who gets this far, this is just my own opinion of how I write Mahito. It's fine if you disagree with any part of it. ^^
Thank you very much for asking! It was lovely to answer.
#also sorry if any part of this sounds short or ignorant when covering the topic. i was trying to keep concise to the inquiries and not delve#too deeply into the subjects outside of the character in question. i have my own very long history with gender identity stuff so any vague#descriptions isn't from an actual ignorant point but because i didn't want to delve into certain aspects or account for the nuances#of the subject when mahito's perception of it is more simple. this way the answer can be about him vs my opinion(s) on the topic xD#have i disclaimed this post enough?? lmfao#asks#headcanons
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“If you ask me, my only regret is probably being unable to name that creature myself.”
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⚠️ Blood and self destruction in next artworks ⚠️
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#idv#identity v#luchino diruse#idv luchino#idv profesor#gore#blood#self destruction#digital art#the second artworks are more so focused on some aspects of Luchino’s self destructive nature#it’s not a lot or as intense at least for me but I still want to put warnings down#he’s my favorite character to analyze#and make weird symbolic art for#including Yidhra#haha#happy birthday silly goose you’ve doomed yourself into being something awful
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trans women should b allowed 2 use whatever pronouns they want ESPECIALLY if they reveal fucking years of government and societal corruption targeting marginalized groups that include LITERAL CHILDREN. pls read up on everything maia revealed by leaking the no-fly list and for fucks sake thank it for its service
#jay says a thing#lots of discourse on my dash abt this whole thing so im making my thoughts clear cos i dont rly see a lot of ppl who think both aspects#of this are important#like yes obviously its more important in the larger picture 2 focus on the like. literal fucking corruption and societal racism this reveal#BUT its still important 2 be accepting of maia especially bcos it is a trans woman and trans girls are targeted more even within lgbt space#so like. take this situation seriously for the shit we now have lroof of#*proof#but also dont disregard the people defending maia and the role that maia's identity plays in this too#like theres a balance 2 be found#maia arson crimew
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No I don't have a name
i dont have a name.
i’ve decided not to have one.
now im not so entitled to think that i wont need a legal name, or that people wont want a name for me, i still use names.
originally this started for me near the beginning of my transition, i couldn't decide on a new name. so i tested some out and i quickly came to the conclusion that i like not having a name.
last year i changed my name on my student ID to an initial, just a letter, and that has also updated most of documentation on campus to have this as my first name. The amount of questions i get about it is actually kind of funny, people asking me if yes it is spelled like that and usally praise to my parents. I usally end up correcting them to say ‘no i named my self’, if they are nice they will brush that off, if not they suddenly get doubtful that its my “real” name.
What is a Real name.
obviously its not my legal name, i don't use my legal name and i don't respond to it when said.
sometimes people get pushy about my real name and i love to explain to them that i could be this one, or that one, or maybe here this, or no that, or what about this one over here.
all of my names are my ‘real’ name because i use them and i know people are talking about me. but none of my names can be real because having more than one defeats the purpose of a name at all.
i have no such thing as a real name.
and i love it.
#trans#transgender#non-binary#queer#lgbt#names#nonbinary names#its probably the autism talking too#but we will ignore that#i get very mixed reactions from starbucks employees#do i recomend this?#like meh#might change my legal name to something random so it functions more as serial number ID than aspect of my identity#nonbinary#agender
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