Leo frowns at his phone.

Or more specifically, at the test on his phone.

Around him, he hears the sound of his brothers tapping their own devices, much faster than he is. Looking up just makes Leo feel worse about his own progress - or lack-thereof.

Mikey’s the fastest, speeding through the test like nobody’s business. He’d been the one to make them all do this stupid test in the first place, so it makes sense that he’s having a blast.

Raph’s slower than Mikey is, but he’s still clearly answering the questions at a steady pace. Sometimes he looks unsure, but he powers through anyway.

Donnie often looks frustrated, which relieves Leo somewhat because at least someone is struggling like him. But that “struggle” isn’t nearly as big as his own, considering that Donnie is answering about as fast as Raph is.

Leo turns his gaze back down to his own test. He’s still near the beginning, he thinks.

He’d put the same answer for the past seven questions - the middle of the road answer, neither a “yes” or a “no.” Then, whenever he does come across one that is more one direction than the other, he second guesses himself and restarts the test!

Sure, there are a few he could definitely give a yes or a no to, but…never the “strongly agree” or “strongly disagree” that the test seemed to want from him.

He eyes his twin sitting nearby, the softshell absorbed in the test. Maybe Leo should copy what Donnie put for some of these…

“DONE!” Mikey’s shout makes Leo freeze in place just as he started to lean over.

“What?” Donnie squawks, “No way you’re already finished, you must’ve been cheating!”

“It’s a personality test, Dee!” Mikey stuck his tongue out, “You can’t cheat at those!”

…

Leo settles back into his seat.

Ignoring Donnie’s mutterings about how it was “just because it’s not an academic test” that he didn’t finish first, Raph smiles encouragingly at Mikey.

“Hey, good job! So what’d you get, Mike?”

Mikey looks back down at his test, reading aloud, “Says that I got the “Campaigner”!”

“What’s that mean?” Leo asks, his phone screen going dark.

“Apparently, I’m an “enthusiastic, creative, and sociable free-spirit”.” Mikey reads, smiling at them, “You think it fits?”

“Oh, to a T, bro!” Leo laughs, giving Mikey a thumbs up, making Mikey’s smile grow larger.

Inside, Leo was feeling a lot more mixed about this. He has no idea how Mikey knew himself so well. Maybe Donnie was right and Mikey did cheat, because how could he answer those questions so easily?

Leo’s phone burns in his hand. He keeps it locked.

“Wow, that really is you.” Raph says, his eyes flitting back and forth between his own test and Mikey, “Do you think it fits?”

“I guess? It’s fun to see at least!” Mikey shrugs with a grin.

“Hold on, I think…” Raph makes a noise of satisfaction, “Okay, done!”

“Sigh, now I’m relegated to the straggler group.” Donnie grumbles, his thumbs moving faster as he tries rushing through the questions.

“Ooh, what’d you get Raph?” Mikey asks, practically bouncing in curiosity.

“Says, uh…I got something called the “Consul”?” He squints his eyes to read more, “Uh, “caring, social, and community-minded.””

“Sounds about right to me.” Leo nods. Can’t be more “community-minded” than being a hero.

“Yeah, no one’s more caring than you, Raphie!” Mikey says, moving to lean across Raph’s shell.

“You do put the community in mind, that’s for sure.” Donnie states, not looking up.

Raph chuckles, a bit embarrassed, “Aw, thanks. It’s just some test, but it feels kinda good to hear that.”

Just a test. Right.

Leo unlocks his screen.

The test stares back at him.

Right. Okay. He can do this. He can.

The screen ends up going dark again.

Frustration builds up in Leo. Was he even halfway done with the test? At this rate, soon even Donnie will-

“FINISHED.”

Leo unlocks his phone.

“What’d you get, DonTon?” Leo asks as his thumb taps the top right of the screen.

Donnie puffs up proudly, a self sure grin on his face, “I got the result “Logician” which states that I, obviously, am an “innovative inventor with a thirst for knowledge.” Truly could not have described me better, if I do say so myself.”

“It is pretty accurate.” Raph agrees with a nod, “Even calls you an inventor, so extra accurate.”

“Super accurate.” Mikey jumps in, eyes shining.

“Yes, yes, almost like reading my own character synopsis.” Donnie’s grin had not dwindled since the word “innovative” had left his mouth.

Leo just nods along, eyes on his own screen as he skims the words. “Yeah, kinda creepy how close it got. Could have called you a nerd for extra accuracy, though.”

Donnie turns to him, eyes narrowing, “Have you even finished your test? I can think of a few words that’d describe you fairly well.”

“Test-y, huh?”

Before Donnie can strangle Leo, Raph cuts in.

“Ok, ok, calm it down, guys.” He rolls his eyes before turning to Leo. “But really, you’re not done yet?”

“Leo’s taking this self reflection seriously.” Mikey sports a faux intellectual expression as he gives a jokingly serious nod. “Maybe we all should’ve taken our time.”

“Says the one who sped through the whole thing in a record time.” Donnie mutters.

Leo waves them all off, “Nah, I finished it ages ago.”

He grins when Donnie immediately shoots him a suspicious glare. “Oh, you did, did you? Then what could you have possibly gotten, Nardo?”

“I’m glad you asked!” Leo clears his throat, “Neon Leon just so happens to be an “Entertainer.””

“Ah. That confirms it. This test is meaningless.” Donnie drones.

“Hey-“

“What’s an Entertainer like?” Mikey asks with a tilt of his head, still hanging off of Raph’s shell.

“Glad you asked, Miguel!” Leo exclaims, “It says that “life is never boring” around yours truly~”

He emphasizes this “result” of his by waving his phone with said “result” on screen.

It’s just an image he found of his chosen personality result, but they don’t need to know that.

Raph nods slowly, “Well, I guess that’s true…”

“”Never boring” is one way to put it.” Donnie hums.

“You are pretty fun, Leo!” Mikey says emphatically, because he’s great like that.

“Thank you, thank you, life of the party, right here.” Leo grins, pointing both thumbs at himself.

He’s careful not to go too overboard with it, or else it might tip someone off.

Not that it…really matters. It’s just a test. Like Raph said.

As the topic around him shifts to something else, jumping away from this brief activity as fast as any other among them, Leo finds himself unlocking his phone and pulling up the test again.

Unanswered questions stare at him. He knows what answers Lou Jitsu would pick. He knows what answers Jupiter Jim would pick. Hell, he knows exactly what answers his brothers would pick.

He doesn’t know what answers Leonardo would pick.

Leo stares at the test for a second longer, before he exits the site and throws himself into the conversation happening around him.

It’s just a stupid test, nothing to worry about.

Just a test…

I posted 9,419 times in 2022

That's 9,419 more posts than 2021!

246 posts created (3%)

9,173 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@kindofapieceofshit

@paddooo

@theonlycabbage

@archive-of-our-own

@theradicalace

I tagged 4,098 of my posts in 2022

#pjo - 460 posts

#jason grace - 431 posts

#hoo - 369 posts

#nico di angelo - 277 posts

#percy jackson - 178 posts

#leo valdez - 134 posts

#jasico - 105 posts

#annabeth chase - 90 posts

#omgcp - 75 posts

#piper mclean - 72 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#in the meantime. love y’all. anyone who reads this and anyone who doesn’t. y’all are important no matter who you are. you deserve to hear it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Jason and Nico being able to unmask around one another for pretty much the first time ever is one of my favorite things about them. Like no matter if their relationship is romantic or platonic or if they're even just acquaintances, I feel like there's always this prevailing sense that the two of them get each other better than most people get them. They also both suffer the same "curse" of identity - they want people to see them for who they are, but people tend to only see them for who their parent is. They hear Jason Grace and think son of Jupiter before they think anything else. They hear Nico di Angelo and they think child of Hades before any other thought comes to mind. These two are the only people for each other (that they know of so far, anyways) who hear their names and think friend, or dork, or nerd about temples first.

Sure, I understand that they didn't always start out that way. Jason in canon had a LOT of issues to work through when he was on the Argo - he had his memories wiped, he was in a relationship with a girl he wasn't sure he really remembered, he was being told to be a leader even though Percy also wanted to be a leader, and so he treated Nico the way he did because it was what everyone else expected of him. But then he saw Nico open up, or more he saw Nico be forced to open up, and he realized that he didn't have to obey what everyone else thought anymore. He saw this guy who was struggling, who was hurt and hated and he saw himself in that guy, and he wanted to help.

I just think Jason and Nico's relationship is so fucking awesome. The one that they tend to have in fanon, anyways, I haven't reread HoO recently enough to form an opinion about their canon relationship. I think it's fucking awesome that we have these two characters that, to us, bond so well.

238 notes - Posted April 29, 2022

#4

currently writing an AU where Chiron convinces Sally to take Nico home after the summer camp session is done because despite all they've tried, Nico isn't getting better mentally and it's clear that the atmosphere around camp is inhibiting him (kids still treating him like shit, his own feelings of inadequacy regarding his parentage, the way it reminds him of waiting for Bianca and Percy to come back only to learn Bianca would never come back, etc.)

So Sally Jackson takes Nico home with her and Percy, and Percy is PISSED. Like beyond angry, will not talk to Nico and is a total dick to him most of the time because he's a 17 year old boy who's finally going to see his mama again and NOW HE'S GOT THIS SHITTY LITTLE FUCKING SIDEKICK who he's still not TOTALLY convinced isn't in love with his girlfriend despite Nico literally coming out to him. In this AU Percy is definitely still dealing with a lot of his own trauma and none of it in a super healthy manner - hence, he hates Nico.

At least, that's how it was supposed to go. Now Percy and Nico have bonded into essentially being brothers. They wrestle in the backyard so often Sally has taken to spraying them with the garden hose when they're being too rowdy. They bicker and fight over whose turn it is to walk Mrs. O'Leary. They end up having to go to the same school (Nico kept getting kicked out of the other ones) and Percy defends Nico from people being dicks while simultaneously being a dick to him (but lovingly).

I love it when AUs get totally out of hand from what I originally wanted them to be and I elect to make this Jason Grace's fault for becoming Nico's boyfriend when I wasn't paying attention. Jason put Percy and Nico into a get-along shirt.

also Nico and Annabeth become good friends because she's around a lot and she finds him an invaluable resource on the topics that she can never wrap her head around, things that are too old to even really be in any online databases - things that Nico can access by speaking to the dead. They start off being very iffy about one another but by the end they are also Practically Siblings.

309 notes - Posted May 10, 2022

#3

I think that Jason has a stuffed animal that one of his guardians in New Rome have to him when he was a baby. A wolf or a fox or some other dog/cat-like creature - maybe even a stuffed hellhound or something, something that he rediscovers on accident while in the 5th Cohort’s barracks, something that makes him sit down on the floor holding it in his hands and cry, for some reason, something he can’t even remember but he knows was important to him once upon a time.

460 notes - Posted October 9, 2022

#2

Okay so the last time I read HoO was in middle school, like JUST before blood of olympus came out, so ofc i have a very bad memory for the details of certain scenes but like this 100% happened, I thought that maybe i didn't remember it right or something but. I mean it's right there so.

1,190 notes - Posted September 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See now I think it would be really funny if IN CANON Hermes was Lin Manuel Miranda. Like in the show he is still the exact same as he is IRL. Hermes wrote Hamilton. He got bored of listening to Apollo prattling on about Broadway so he went out in disguise as a mortal and Did That.

That’s the only way I will accept him as Hermes, is if THAT is the reason.

4,711 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

(Tumblr telling me how to use tags makes me want to throttle somebody KAMDKCKMSNF BUT THIS WAS FUN TO SEE)

TMNT (2012) characters as dysfunctional family roles

here I go again analyzing a kids show that ended four years ago. anyway, I saw a tiktok by user doinbigthink where they gave a quick overview of the six kinds of dysfunctional family roles, and I immediately thought of tmnt bc it’s my current hyperfixation. so I spent almost an hour doing research and writing up this analysis, as one does.

as a preface: dysfunction in a family can be caused by anything from someone struggling with addiction to a parent being abusive or unavailable/neglectful to someone having narcissistic personality disorder (npd) etc. etc. Usually there is one person who is the root cause of this (very deep seated) dysfunction and the others in the family (often the kids) fall into these roles in order to cope.

Leo: The Hero

The Hero is often the oldest child. They cope with the dysfunction in the family by being high achievers or perfectionists, and they need a sense of control in order to feel safe within the family. They are seen as very well-adjusted, balanced, and high-functional and are often used as an example of how well the family as a whole is doing. They may allow this misconception to continue (whether consciously or unconsciously) in order to hide the family’s problems. They may be parentified as children (that is, forced to take on a parental role for their younger siblings) and usually feel a lot of pressure to solve the family’s issues. With Leo in particular, you see these two behaviors in the way he approaches leading his brothers as well as the way he obsessed over bringing Karai into the family for Splinter’s sake after discovering her true identity. As an adult, the Hero is often drawn toward romantic partners who are emotionally unavailable (again, see Leo’s crush on Karai) and tend to throw themselves into their work (Leo’s obsession with ninjutsu)

Leo: The Golden Child

The Golden Child is not a dysfunctional family role but instead describes a relationship that develops between a parent/guardian with npd and one of the children in the family. In these cases, the parent tends to favor the Golden Child because the Golden Child exhibits all the traits the parent loves in themselves. In Splinter and Leo’s case, these characteristics are their devotion to ninjutsu, their general temperaments, and their more spiritual/mystic natures. There are MANY examples of this favoritism in TMNT canon; for example, Splinter teaching Leo his reiki technique (the healing hands) in “the deadly venom” because everyone things Leo is the most capable of learning such an advanced technique (in the episode, Donnie says that he doesn’t think anyone else on the team could’ve done what Leo did, i.e. using the healing hands on himself and saving the others from karai). The parent has a volatile relationship with the Golden Child and often their love is conditional (that is, the parent will favor the Golden Child as long as the Golden Child continues to act like the parent). Because of this, the Golden Child often has trouble establishing an independent identity (see: Raph calling Leo “Splinter Jr.”, though I can’t remember if this happens in 2012 or just in the 2003 version). The Golden Child may also participate in the narcissistic parent’s abuse against the other children in order to protect themself (this is less explicit in canon, but I think that Leo’s leadership style fits this bill)

Raph: The Scapegoat

The Scapegoat is often the second child. As the name suggests, they are often blamed for things that go wrong in the family regardless of whether it was actually their fault or not. Scapegoats are often very aware of their position in the family and as a result they may feel rejected, isolated, and unlovable. I think a good example of Raph feeling like this is the fact that, early in the show, he only openly expresses his emotions to Spike. Scapegoats learn that negative attention is better than no attention (especially from a parent/guardian) and they often engage in high risk behaviors such as sex, drugs, etc. (in Raph’s case, his reckless fighting style and the way he seeks out fights, and this also explains his temper and overall angry demeanor). Because of this, they tend to get into a lot of trouble and are often singled out as the child who needs individual help (aka therapy) even though the root problems lie with the family as a unit. In cases where the parent has npd the Scapegoat is often pitted against the Golden Child. This is called splitting and it is another way to distract from the family’s deeper issues. I feel like I don’t need to explain the way that Leo and Raph are pitted against each other.

Donnie: The Lost Child

The Lost Child, as the name implies, often fades into the background. Usually this is on purpose in an effort to keep themself safe, as they might be scared to draw attention to themself or rock the boat, especially in an abusive household. They may often feel ignored or neglected and are often described as loners who have difficulty developing social skills or self-esteem. Like the Hero, the Lost Child is often used as an example of the family’s stability and success because they aren’t causing trouble. They tend to struggle when forming friendships/romantic relationships, and they are usually praised for not needing a lot of attention/being independent. Because of this, they feel safer when they’re by themselves. Although Donnie does cause trouble sometimes (see: all the times he’s blown some shit up in the lab, the Mutagen man thing, etc.), he’s not seen as the troublemaker. Raph (and Mikey, to a certain extent) definitely takes that title. Donnie is often alone in his lab---working, admittedly, but he still tends to isolate himself, and he is often seen as the most socially awkward of the brothers (see: his relationship with April). There’s also this very interesting exchange from the episode “Enemy of My Enemy” when they’re in the Shellraiser and Leo is about to take the stealth bike to help Karai:

Raph: Hey, the stealth bike’s my thing. Leo: Now your thing is sucking it up. Donnie: Hey! That’s my thing!

Mikey: The Mascot

The Mascot is often the youngest child. They use humor and goofiness to diffuse tension and distract the family from their issues, though when this works, they feel increased pressure to continue to step in when things become tense or volatile. The Mascot acts from a place of anxiety and trauma, and they may have bouts of depression. They also tend to feel as though they cannot express their negative emotions (because they often see themselves as responsible for their family’s happiness). They tend to bend over backwards for people with little regard for their own safety/comfort, and they are drawn to intense and dysfunctional relationships (whether romantic or platonic) where they will be called upon to diffuse tension. This can be seen in the way Mikey approached his friendships with both Bradford (pre-mutation) and Leatherhead. Mikey is also very rarely shown as being sad, angry, or depressed the way that the other three are, and it’s only in times of extreme emotional distress (like the season two finale) where he drops his humor. Even in the midst of tough battles or tough situations, Mikey tends to insert himself into the middle of the tension and is almost constantly cracking jokes or trying to keep things lighthearted. When he does show more negative emotions, it’s in (mostly) one of two ways. One, giving comfort or seeking comfort, usually from Raph (again see the season two finale, where he hugs Raph to calm him down after Splinter “dies” and seeks comfort from Raph in the Party Wagon as they’re driving away from the city). Two, acting combative with Donnie.

Note: Mikey and Donnie acting combative

This second one in particular is really interesting to me because both Donnie and Mikey exhibit a level of comfort/feeling safe with each other that they don’t display with the other two. Mikey only ever gets physical with Donnie (their little slap fight in “Turtle Temper” or attacking him at the end of “The Creeping Doom”), while Donnie only ever purposefully antagonizes Mikey to get a reaction (slapping him in “Turtle Temper”, which prompts the slap fight, or teasingly insulting him at the end of “The Creeping Doom”, which prompts Mikey to attack him). Mikey likes to get under Raph’s skin, but he never retaliates when Raph gets physical with him. Donnie does occasionally argue with Raph and Leo, but usually backs down after Raph threatens him with violence (see “New Girl in Town”), and with Leo it never escalates past a verbal fight (see the season two finale, “the fourfold trap”). Actually, it seems that in Mikey’s and Donnie’s relationship, they take on the roles that you usually see in Raph’s and Mikey’s relationship. Mikey antagonizes Raph and Raph retaliates; similarly, Donnie antagonizes Mikey and Mikey retaliates, but neither of them would act this way toward their other two brothers.

Splinter: The Root of the Dysfunction

I’ve made a lot of allusions by now to Splinter having npd, or at least some narcissistic tendencies. There are many times where he shows favoritism toward Leo or acts in a very stubborn or even self-absorbed manner. In the season one finale, for example, he refuses to help the turtles fight and only leaves the lair after april is kidnapped by the shredder. In “the pulverizer returns”, he makes the turtles switch weapons (for literally no good reason), they almost die in a fight and switch back, and as punishment, he takes their weapons away entirely; this isn’t addressed in the episode, but i do believe that if they’d had their weapons, they could’ve prevented timothy from being mutated in this episode. (Admittedly there are times when he apologizes, admits he’s wrong, and changes his mind, which is why I hesitate to say he exhibits fully narcissistic behaviors). There’s also the physical aspect of their relationship. He’s teaching the turtles ninjutsu, so you can expect a very physical relationship in the form of training, but there are times when he causes the turtles pain for the sake of pain as punishment (e.g. randori, which we see a few times, or when he goes for their pressure points, or when he trips mikey in the episode “monkey brains”, or when he stabs raph with his cane in the episode “turtle temper”, and these are just the examples i can think of off the top of my head). There has been discourse in the fandom about whether these characters (splinter and raph in particular) are abusive, and i don’t want to get into that. However, i think it’s undeniable that splinter raised his kids with the intent to turn them into child soldiers, and also i fully believe that this (plus his parenting style) is the root of the dysfunction in the hamato family.

i am obsessed with master of the knights kaeya and even more obsessed with kaeya who serves khaenri’ah PLEASE elaborate more on your worms if you feel obliged

!!! AAA I’m glad you liked the designs hehe, YES SURE I CAN ELABORATE!! I thought about these 2 designs like the 2 futures Kaeya could have. A future with the knights and Mond or with Khaenri’ah and whatever is happening over there.  This may get a bit long but ill try to explain my brainworms in a coherent way. Also, English is not my first language, so if there is any confusion please tell me and I can try to tell it in another way.

So, first, I think the 5-star version of Kaeya MUST have both eyes uncovered. This is because I think if we ever DO get it, it will be like an ascension of sorts. Kaeya has the recurring theme that he hides a lot of things from everyone. He hides his true feelings, his thoughts and his true personality behind layers and LAYERS of lies. The only time he ever showed his true self his brother tried to kill him, he even looks at his vision as a reminder to never try to do it again. So, my point is that if he does get a 5-star version it will be when he accepts every part of himself and shows his true self to everyone. Therefore, I think he would be without his eyepatch. The loss of it represents the loss of his mask, both figuratively and literally.

Another thing to note is that Kaeya’s constellation is a peacock. There are a lot of different meanings to this but one that stuck out to me is this:

“Hindu motifs expose the peacock as a symbol of the unconscious; for, what is in one’s subconscious can be illuminated by the consciousness, starting the emergence of one’s true individuality.”

This adds to what I first said about the loss of his eyepatch. What I want to get from this is that in Kaeya’s case, the peacock could mean his struggles with his identity and how he expresses and views himself. So, his ascension to a 5-star could be his decision to be true to himself and chose to support the nation that he wants, be it Mondstadt or Khaenri’ah without regrets or second thoughts. In his vision story its mentioned how coming clean about his lies was the first time he felt like himself, like he was not holding back who he truly was. So, I believe Kaeya will not be able to be a 5-star or, in-story become stronger, until he comes clean to everyone about who he truly is.

Because of all of this, I thought about making two designs instead of just one, since I feel like either choice could represent himself coming out of his shell and showing his individuality.

So, now that I explained my reasoning as to why I made 2 designs, here is my thought process for each one!

Mondstadt

My first design thought for a 5-star Kaeya is that he would wear his vision on his heart. For me this is him showing that he does not see his vision as a reminder to always live a life full of lies, but as a reminder to stay true to himself and live in a way that he feels happy with. It also, of course, represents his loyalty to Mondstadt, the land that gave him said vision.

He also gets to keep his lovelock! This hairstyle is said to “show devotion to a loved one”, in this case the loved one would be Mondstadt and its people. And I also feel like it could be a nod to Crepus, his late adoptive father. We know that Kaeya loved Crepus and is part of the reason he had such complex feelings about who to side with since he adopted him and showed him love in a land he had never been to and probably didn’t want to go as a child. So, I thought it would be nice that his lovelock could also represent his love for his family.

Another thing I thought about was that a 5-star Kaeya would probably be introduced in the late game, so this means that in the future, Jean will probably be Grand Master of the knights. This is because I think it is foreshadowed by Mona on her voiceline about Jean:

“You mean the Acting Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius? Her constellation is Leo Minor, which represents strength and responsibility shouldered too young... Though the lioness has been separated from her pride for a long time, she grows from strength to strength, and the day will come when she is ready to return as its glorious leader.”

If its true that Jean will become Grand Master, then Kaeya would probably follow her and become Master of the Knights since he is her right-hand-man and Jean respects him a lot. This would also go well with the theme that Kaeya would act like his true self. Throughout his whole life, Kaeya has been a character that always acts in the background/shadows. He works and goes to assignments more than anybody else and does a lot of things, while only being supposedly the Cavalry Captain. This also happened when he was young and Diluc was still in the Knights. He worked in the shadows so Diluc could pass through any circumstance without any problems. What I want to get with this, is that Kaeya works a job that is not at face-value recognized. So, him being the Master of the Knights, a well respected and recognized title, seems fitting. Also, I just really like the idea of Jean and Kaeya climbing the ladder together and being a power team hehe.

Because of this, I think that Kaeya would borrow elements of Jean’s design like her corset thingy, her gloves, and finally the Knights official symbol. Since in this design his loyalty is to Mondstadt, he now feels free to put elements of the city on how he dresses!

One final thought about the Mond design (this doesn’t have anything to do with the design) is that I like to thing that in the endgame when Jean and Kaeya are Grand Master and Master, Diluc would look at them and say to them that he doesn’t think the Knights are incompetent anymore ;u; kind of like, “I’m proud of you two” moment.

Khaenri’ah

Oof so now to the angstier route, Kaeya chooses Khaenri’ah over Mondstadt and joins Dainsleif and co. on the quest to challenge the gods. The first thing I feel he would do is cut his lovelock. The lovelock hairstyle comes originally from Europe and Mondstadt is a Germany-based nation, so the cutting of it symbolizes his separation from Mondstadt and his adoptive family. His sense of duty meaning more to him than the love he received from the city, the knights, and his family.

His vision is kept on the side like in his original design. In his voicelines, he mentions that a vision is a mere tool to control the elements. It has no other meaning; in this route he does not give it any meaning at all since Khaenri’ah hates the gods, the vision is nothing more than a tool to complete his nation’s goals. Instead, what is on his heart is a star, a symbol representative of Khaenri’ah.

His outfit on this design resembles more Dainsleif’s and has a lot of star-shaped elements. His peacock cape is replaced by one more reminiscent of Dainsleif’s and he keeps some elements of his original design like the gloves and the cuffs of his sleeves. I kind of wanted to give the vibe of a royal. Peacocks also can represent royalty, so in this design his confidence and individuality stems from his duty to protect his homeland from the gods. I believe Kaeya does have royal blood from the Blacksun dynasty and it’s represented by all the gold elements and his shawl thingy.

I get a little sad thinking about this design because I feel like Jean and Diluc would just be… absolutely heartbroken by this decision. Imagining a battle between the three really breaks my heart lmao. I feel like it would be worse than the fight Diluc and Kaeya had when they were young. This battle would be complex on both sides. Jean and Diluc would see their former friend and brother working against the city that brought him so much happiness. Kaeya would be heartbroken too, having to attack his brother and his close friend. If Mihoyo does have Kaeya choose Khaenri’ah, and they decide to attack Mondstadt. Man™ its going to be REALLY sad. In this route I 100% believe that one of the three will die.

Anyways! That got REALLY LONG HOLY SHIT… I’m sorry lmao this kind of turned into a character analysis of Kaeya hehe. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!!! Thank you for the ask. As you can see, the Kaeya brainrot is real….

what are your thoughts and words of advice on/for these placements?:

Virgo Sun and Mercury (7h), Pisces Moon and Ascendant (1h), Scorpio Venus (9h), Taurus Mars (3h), Libra Jupiter (8h), Pisces Uranus (1h), Aquarius Neptune (12h), Sagittarius Midheaven and Pluto (10h), Capricorn Chiron (11h), and Leo Lilith and Saturn (6h)

Hi darling! Thanks for the question and sorry about the wait. I don't mean to sound weird at all, but we have so many similar placements, it's insane. I'm wondering if you were born a few days after me...

Anyways, I've already gone over the following placements! Click on each one to find each respective post:

Virgo Mercury

Scorpio Venus

Leo Saturn

Pisces Uranus

Aquarius Neptune

Capricorn Chiron

Moving on, your Virgo Sun Pisces Moon combination makes you logical and idealistic, with a strong and vibrant imagination. You are very opportunistic, so you know how to make the best of whatever comes your way. You are definitely someone who can trust in both your intuition and your intellect. You provide very deep and important insight on a variety of matters, so people often turn to you for advice. You are quite logical as well as a person who can trust your hunches. You are quite a wise soul; you can be thrust into almost any situation and you already seem to know what to do. You can deal with concepts and meanings that are difficult for most people to understand.

Your Sun in the 7th means that being in a romantic relationships is very important to you. Being with someone in that sense brings out the best in you as you can mirror and compliment the other person(s). However, this can make you miserable and feel as though you are without purpose when single. You only know how to base your personality and behaviours off someone else rather than being your own person and finding out who you truly are. You would like a career where you work with the public, but this may prove a challenge as you are heavily influenced by what other people think of you.

Your Mercury is in the 7th too, which makes you someone who prefers to solve problems by communicating and talking through what went wrong. You want to get the point of view of whoever else is involved in the issue rather than solely focusing on yourself. You are quite sociable and much prefer to be out and about rather than being stuck at home (I dread to think how you're coping with the pandemic, good lord). You easily become bored when left to your own devices. Your relationships tend to be very healthy and successful because you know how to properly communicate with the other person. You quickly come to an understanding with the other and frequently share ideas with them.

You have your Moon in the 1st House, which means you are rather emotional and delicate, not that this is necessarily a bad thing, mind you. You are constantly thinking of others and of how you can help them, regardless of how well you're doing in your own life. You are ready to jump up and lend a helping hand at a moment's notice. You aren't too worried about always having a plan to follow; simply going with the flow doesn't tend to stress you out much. You are honest about your feelings, not really one to hide them or be ashamed of them. Your heightened sensitivity can cause relationships issues as you have the tendency to overreact to certain situations and people.

Your Pisces Rising makes you a very optimistic person who also wants to share that positive attitude with the world. You may view things with rose-tinted glasses which can lead to you having expectations which are way too high. Just remember to stay realistic while keeping your optimism. You feel things very strongly but are rarely aggressive. You get along with pretty much anyone due to your friendly and relaxed manner. You assume that others always have good intentions, which may be a nice outlook to have on people, but can put you at risk of being manipulated or exploited by others.

Your Venus in the 9th means that you might be one to fall in love too easily, especially if its with someone who brings something new to your life. You are very appreciative and interested in others' cultures and want the people around you to be the same. You are very warm and adaptable, and love having freedom and independence in your relationships. You are definitely not clingy or needy. You will not hesitate to end a relationship if the other person is restricting you in some way. Your ideal partner needs to be open to adventure and new experiences. You don't tend to appreciate what you have now, always looking to the future and what it might hold for you. This can mean that precious moments slip right past you and you don't even realise it. Learn to love the present for what it is every now and then.

Your Mars is in Taurus, which makes you quite comfortable with who you are as a person. You prioritise the things in your life that make you happy, not too worried or focused on the things you do just because you have to. You're definitely here for a good time. Though that's not to say that you're reckless or anything like that. You also want a future that is stable and secure as well as fun and exciting. You're very driven to achieve this for yourself and are willing to work hard for it. You are a bit materialistic and can depend on your possessions too much at times. Comfort of the utmost importance for you.

You have your Mars in the 3rd House, which means you a pretty straightforward with your communication. There's no beating around the bush with you, that's for sure. You're not in the least bit afraid to talk about sensible and serious matters, and are also unafraid of expressing yourself how you see fit. You are always ready and willing to open other people's minds. You're very energetic, almost to the point where you have this kind of nervous energy about you. You find it very difficult to just slow down and rest. You have a strong faith in your own ideas and have enough ambition to want to pursue them. You always want to experience new things.

Your Libra Jupiter makes you have a deep desire to have everyone just get along. You're not really a huge fan of conflict. However, this desire can make you miserable as you feel guilty if you don't get along with someone. It's important that you understand that it's completely normal to not get along with some people and it doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong or that you just need to try harder. This placement can make you somewhat of a wandering spirit. You love to meet new and interesting people, partly just for the joy of it, partly because you're desperate to meet your soulmate.

Your Jupiter in the 8th means you are quite spiritual and sociable, and definitely someone who seeks pleasure from all areas of your life. Your intuition is on point and highly accurate, which makes you very good at determining the root of a problem. It's because of this that you may find that people often turn to you to help them deal with issues. You absolutely love solving complex mysteries, always happy to test your mind. You really do mean well but you can be overly emotional at times. You're also prone to manipulating others, whether you realise you're doing it or not.

Your Uranus is in the 1st, which makes you an eccentric at heart. You are someone who wants to support the people around you in becoming more confident in their identity and originality. People may consider you to be ahead of your time. You might find that a lot of unexpected things happen to you in your life; you'll definitely have a lot of stories to tell when you're older! You don't care much for rules, especially when they start to restrict who you are as a person and how you express that. That doesn't mean, however, that you don't want to help and care for the people around you.

You have your Neptune in the 12th House, which means that you're easily misunderstood by others. This is because while you do mean well, you don't tend to express your true nature. In reality, you are extremely kind and compassionate, you just struggle with putting this out there. You can be quite pessimistic, always focusing on what's wrong in your life and stressing over everyday issues. You should try to look after your own happiness and wellbeing more. You're very empathetic, but this can mean that others' negativity affects you deeply. Remember to put up boundaries if and when you need them; your true friends will understand.

Your Sagittarius Midheaven makes you someone who has a great love for life and everything it has to offer. You constantly want to learn more about anything and everything and then share that knowledge with others. People are attracted to you thanks to your friendly, sincere and energetic persona. You love chatting to people who are very different to you as you love learning about others' life experiences. You like to look at theories and then try to make sense of them, or to simply make up your own. You may often ponder the big questions of the universe and try to decide your point of view on it all. Despite this, your mind is always open to new ideas and you love to hear what other people think.

Your Pluto in Sagittarius means you are very spiritually attuned to the world; spirituality is just something that comes to you naturally. You can tap into your innate power with ease. You absolutely have the ability to help change the world for the better. You are constantly on the lookout for new experiences, always wanting to do things you can look back on and smile about. You are very free-spirited, not really one to be happy to just follow the rules as they are without good reason. You dream of a bright and happy future and you have to realise that you can absolutely make this happen.

Your Pluto is in the 10th, which makes you extremely focused and driven to achieve your goals. You are determined to overcome the close-minded views of the people around you. Your career is extremely important to you, always wanting to improve and advance within that area of your life. You are very good at devising goals and at planning your course of action. You assess and manage risks incredibly well and are confident in everything that you do. You research and search for knowledge that can improve your life in any way possible. You are quite the perfectionist, which is good because it pushes you to achieve your full potential, but can mean that you overwork yourself too often.

You have your Chiron in the 11th House, which means that the friends you normally attract want to help build you up as a person and want to see you do well in life. This means that you can absolutely rely on your friends to support you no matter what. They also provide you with close friendships that can run very deep. They may be a little insecure so make sure that you hype them up just like they would with you. Your friendships are mutually beneficial in that you help each other to become the best versions of yourselves that you can be.

Your Leo Lilith makes you extremely confident in yourself, almost to the point where you become self-centred and egotistical. It's important that you learn to dial this down without diminishing your self-worth. You might view yourself as someone who is generally better than most people, and regardless of whether or not this is true, you shouldn't let it influence your behaviour. Everyone deserves the same respect as you. It can be hard to talk sense into you sometimes as you tend to become very disillusioned at times. You constantly seek attention from others which can lead you to do some rather stupid things in order to be seen.

Your Lilith in the 6th means that you are somewhat of a workaholic, never knowing when to stop and just take a break. You are very composed so you're good at censoring yourself and stopping yourself from saying or doing something you know you'll regret. However this skill can also manifest as preventing yourself from expressing your true self, which can become very problematic. You love to record things that you've done, whether that's by keeping a diary or by filming everything at any opportunity. You may have the tendency to change your job the second you become bored, which can be good as it keeps you stimulated, but can be an issue as the boredom you experience might just be momentary.

Your Saturn is in the 6th, which makes you hardworking, disciplined, and mature enough to want to grow from your past mistakes. You're not someone to cover up or ignore your past failures as you recognise that they are always a good learning opportunity for you to improve yourself. You may tend to have issues related to your health, but of course I don't want to scare you or anything. Just remember to try and lead a healthy lifestyle where you can and you should be okay. You might face a few issues at work, whether that's something to do with your colleagues, environment or something else entirely. You do tend to have a bit of an attitude so just watch that and know when to dial it down.

Words Of Advice:

Don’t take everything for granted.

You need to learn how to put yourself in other people’s shoes every now and then.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Life is there to be enjoyed, so enjoy it!

Sometimes showing your emotions proves to others how genuine you are.

Identify where you need to change as a person in order to succeed.

Be more responsible when making promises.

Your value is not solely based on what others think of you.

Don't be afraid to try new things.

Do things that bring you satisfaction in a spiritual sense.

Learn to take more risks in order to creative more positive changes.

Make loving yourself a higher priority in your life.

Be careful when making financial investments and decisions.

You can express your opinions without offending people.

Don't force yourself to get on with every single person you meet.

Stick with your commitments.

Use your great taste to help others more often.

Prove to others that they can depend on you.

Try to differentiate your internal criticism from what other people actually think about you.

You can express your opinions without hurting others' feelings.

Keep close to those who you consider to be your family.

Learn how to communicate effectively with people who are different to you.

You can be self-confident without having a massive ego.

Think through why you're bored of something before doing something about it.

Remember to take breaks more often.

Thanks for the question darling and I hope this helped! Sending good vibes your way and have a wonderful rest of your day!

so you know how the 100th episode is supposedly about paige but like really it's about cole and wanting to be with phoebe again instead of like being about the charmed ones... well i just realized the 150th ep is mainly about leo and like secondarily about piper and pleo... so like you think if there had been a 200th ep it would have been about henry + paige/henry... like this show be like we gonna focus on the love interests instead of the main characters for the big milestone eps

100th episode my detested,,,,,, plugging my au for the 10,000th time. but now that u point it out, like. yeah. they really both were p relationship focused whether that was establishing that they are meant to be no matter what (leo finding his way back to piper w his mind wiped) or a really weird excuse to drop a plot you've been running for two and a half season (what happened to us, we used the be so in love / maybe it's just not meant to be like girl what. girl we have been here for literal years and the best reason you can come up with to finalize getting rid of cole's character was idk maybe it just wasn't meant to be r u joking. i don't even like phole but like goddamn was that stupid. i'm sorry this is such a tangent but why does phoebe smoke now? and her and cole Both have affairs like clearly phoebe's off the deep end so i don't even really know what's going on there but cole Also having affairs like. like you're telling me this only started to break off from canon in s4 when they were Obsessed with each other in s4 they got married in s4 to someone they hate each other and are in a loveless marriage and sleep with other people because they're empty inside? really? That's The Best You Could Come Up With. piper going awol murder machine shure i'll allow the leather's a little much but it's what 2003 so whatever. but phoebe doing. whatever the hell she was doing in centennial charmed. it literally make no sense. i'm still talking about this after her family was ripped apart after seeming stable for the first time in so so long you're telling me she would abandon piper for cole and then not even like like cole? like this woman would be desperate for a family for love for support for something to call her own and hold onto and know it'll be safe know it won't leave her if anything we should have seen freaky codependent phole not this neutered lackluster indifferent mess. 😡😡😡)

anyway. relationships! tbh tho. would have Loved a good paige/henry backstory ep. bc like. we just vaguely teased henry's backstory and it's literally so fucking interesting like the implications he was abandoned at birth or maybe he was orphaned either was he grew up in the system that failed him over and over again and has like trouble getting close to people because of it and then somehow ended up as a parole officer like trying to help kids who are probably in identical situations to the one he was in like. there's So Much To Do There. but specifically, if i am doing Thee Paige/Henry Centric ep. it is a blast 2 the past in which the couple both have to confront their anxieties around parenting, ending w the reveal that paige is pregnant w twins. or starting w the reveal idc. but i am. really fascinated i've talked about paige and motherhood before but i think like. for anyone who like. has/had good parents but still you know. were either like an evil little shit or just you know fucked up and miserable so on and so forth people who have made their mother cry in the kitchen like. there's something really fascinating there because like. how do you now as a mom try to protect your own child from the pain u went through. because goddamn it seemed like your mom did everything right and yet you were still awful. so how like. how are you supposed. god if you're as good as her which seems like a reach your kid still might be like you and and what if you're not as good as her. what if everything you try to do only backfires and blows up in your face more you know blah blah blah that good old fashioned anxiety. piper and phoebe don't have this because they didn't like. have a mom. but paige did and she had a really good one who never actually got to see her get better and those scars run deep!! aaaaaaaaaa!!!! i really like mom!paige it's something i really like to think about because i think like while she's great with kids she's great with babies she's great with toddlers she's great at connecting with students with charges with parolees i think she really struggles being a mother to her own children for all the aforementioned reasons. so it could be fun to break that down While we also a) get henry's tragic backstory bc we always need more of that and b) henry's own views of parenting and also just more of their relationship headcanon rite now henry gets really into astrology so he can help paige with spells and the like because he hates feeling like he's powerless and can't help his wife so he finds all the ways a mortal can help <3. but yeah i think henry secretly like doesn't even fully realize it has a whole lot of anger stored up in his heart bc i do think he was abandoned at birth and you know paige kinda got closure on that you know she literally got to meet both parties and you know they gave her away to literally protect her from unspeakable wrath vis a vis the elders so there's that but for henry it's like. like he was their son. and they just. they left him. they didn't even leave any way for him to find them again because like. they just didn't fucking care, i guess??? like. what. what could be the reason what could drive them to do that and you know paige whose parents Had Reason are like i'm sure your parents had reason but imo. they didn't. and i think that's a wound henry really pretends like he doesn't have. so we're def tearing that open in ep 200. that and then just like. how much henry wants a family <3 how much he wants to take em to six flags and make french toast on sunday morning and fly kites in the park like he wants to give his kids the childhood he wished so so bad he could have had. bonus round after traveling back through time to pick at scabs til they bleed, we end with a quick flash forward into the future where everything works out <3

best books with morally ambiguous narrators!

all y’all’s problematic faves and villains! :) also included are third person narrators but in books with morally ambiguous leads/themes 

Sci-fi

Scythe by Neal Shusterman: in a future free from pain, disease, and war, people can live forever. ‘scythes’ are given the power to decide who lives and who dies to preserve the balance. sad and kinda gives of hunger games vibes, if you like that.

Neuromancer by William Gibson: basically invented the cyberpunk genre. strange and removed protagonists. (a team of computer hackers have to face off against an evil AI). you kind of dislike everyone and suddenly you’re crying over them. one of those trippy sci-fi classics.

The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut: very beautiful and very very sad (same author as slaughterhouse five). the richest man in america has to face a martian invasion. more about free will and bad people doing good things than a plot that makes any kind of sense.

The Man in the High Castle by Philip K Dick: set in an alternate universe where the germans and japanese won world war two. not really like the tv show at all- it’s not an action story, and there’s not really the hope to somehow fix the world that drives a lot of dystopia stories. instead its about how people survive and connect to one another in a hopeless society.

The Scorpion Rules by Erin Bow: a supercomputer convinces the leaders of the world to keep the peace for hundreds of years by taking their children hostage and obliterating any city that disobeys. what happens to the hostage protagonists when war seems inevitable? lots of morally fraught decisions and characters slowly losing their identity. (plus a fun lesbian romance)

Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson: a brilliant mathematician and a dedicated marine fight to keep the ultra secret in world war two. fifty years later,  a tech company discovers what remains of their story. one of the most memorable sequences in the book is a japanese soldier slowly becoming disillusioned with his nation and horrified by the war even as he continues to fight.

Blade Runner by Philip K. Dick: another one of those sci-fi classics that’s not at all like the movie. there is a bounty hunter for robots, though, as well as a weird religion that probably is referencing catholicism and a decaying society with a shortage of pets. kind of a trip.

Wilder Girls by Rory Power: girls trapped in a boarding school on an isolated island must face a creeping rot that affects the animals and plants on the island as well as their own bodies. the protagonists will do anything to survive and keep each other safe. very tense (and bonus lesbian romance whoo)

The Fifth Season by N K Jemisin: three women are gifted with the ability to control the earth’s energy in a world where those who can do so are forced into hiding or slavery. some veryyyy dark choices here but lots of strong female characters.

Historical Fiction

Fingersmith by Sarah Waters: two victorian lesbians fall in love as they plot to betray each other in horrific ways. lots of plot twists, plucky thieves, gothic settings, and a great romance.

Quo Vadis by Henryk Sienkiwicz: a powerful roman soldier in the time of Nero plots to kidnap a young woman after he falls in love with her, only to learn more about the mysterious christian religion she follows. very melodramatic but some terrific prose. 

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr: a blind girl in France and a brilliant German boy recruited by the military struggle through the chaos of the second world war. ends with a bang (iykyk.) very sad, reads like poetry.

Boxers by Gene Luen Yang: graphic novel reveals the story of a young boy fighting in the boxer rebellion in early twentieth century china. the sequel, saints, is also excellent. beautifully and sympathetically shows the protagonist’s descent into evil- the reader really understands each step along the way.

Fantasy

Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake: three triplets separated at birth, each with their own magical powers, have to fight to the death to gain the throne. lots of fun honestly

Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo: everyone in these books is highly problematic but you love them all anyway. a ragtag game of criminals plan a heist on a magical fortress. some terrific tragic back stories, repressed feelings, and revenge schemes.

The Dark Tower series by Stephen King: idk how to describe these frankly but if you can put up with King’s appalling writing of female characters they’re pretty interesting. fantasy epic about saving the world/universe, sort of. cowboys and prophecies and overlapping dimensions and drug addicts galore.

The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud: lots of fun! a twelve year old decides to summon a demon for his cute lil revenge scheme. sarcastic demon narrator. lighthearted until s*** gets real suddenly.

Elegy and Swansong by Vale Aida: fantasy epic with machiavellian lesbians and enemies to lovers to enemies to ??? to lovers. charming and exciting and lovely characters.

The False Prince by Jennifer Nielsen: an orphan boy must compete with a few others for the chance to impersonate a dead prince. really dark but very tense and exciting and good twists.

The Grace of Kings by Ken Liu: fantasy epic. heroes overthrow an evil empire and then struggle as the revolution dissolves into warring factions. interesting world building and three dimensional characters, even if they only have a small part.

Circe by Madeline Miller: the story behind the witch who turns men into pigs in the odyssey. madeline miller really said, i just used my classics degree to write a beautiful gay love story and now im going to write a powerful feminist retelling because i can. queen. an amazing and satisfying book that kills me a lil bit because of the two lines referencing the song of achilles.

Heartless by Marissa Meyer: the tragic backstory for the queen of hearts in alice in wonderland. a little predictable but very fun with a compelling protagonist

A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) by George RR Martin: ok I know we all hate GRRM and rightfully so but admittedly these books do have some great characters and great scenes. they deserve better than GRRM though. also he will probably never finish the books anyway....

A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket: not really fantasy but not really anything else either. plucky, intelligent, and kind children fight off evil plots for thirteen books until suddenly you realize the world is not nearly as black and white as you thought. 

Classics

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier: gothic romance!! a new wife is curious about the mysterious death of her predecessor in a creepy old house in the British countryside...good twists and lovely prose.

A Separate Peace by John Knowles: not really morally ambiguous but one awful decision suddenly has awful consequences and certain people are haunted by guilt forever.... really really really beautiful and really really really sad. boys in a boarding school grow up together under the shadow of world war two.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy: while imperial russia slowly decays a beautiful young woman begins a destructive affair. a long book. very russian. the ending is incredibly tense and well written.

Lord of the Flies by William Golding: I think you know the plot to this one. the prose is better than you remember and the last scene is always exciting.

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie: one by one, the guests on an island are slowly picked off. one of Christie’s darkest mysteries- no happy ending here! very tense and great twists.

Contemporary

The Secret History by Donna Tartt: inspired the whole dark academia aesthetic. college students get a little too into ancient greece and it does not end very well. lovely prose but I found the characters unlikable.

Honorable Mentions

The Dublin Saga by Edward Rutherford: has literally a billion protagonists, but some of them are morally ambiguous ig? follows a few families stories’ from the 400s ad to irish independence in the 20s. beautifully captures the weight and movement of irish history.

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer: how morally ambiguous can you be if you’re, like, eleven? a lot if you’re a criminal genius who wants to kidnap a fairy for your evil-ish plan apparently!

Redemption by Leon Uris: literally my favorite novel ever. the sequel to Trinity but can stand alone. various irish families struggle through the horrors of world war one. the hero isn’t really morally ambiguous, but the main theme of the novel is extremely bad people suddenly questioning their choices and eventually redeeming themselves. sweeping themes of love, screwed up families, redemption, and patriotism.

The Lymond Chronicles and House of Niccolo by Dorothy Dunnett: heroes redeem themselves/try to get rich/try to save their country in early renaissance Europe. if I actually knew what happened in these books I'm sure it would be morally ambiguous but its too confusing for me. in each book you spend at least a third convinced the protagonist is evil, though. lots of exciting sword fights, tragic romances, plot twists, and kicking english butt.

Bonus: Protagonist is less morally ambiguous and more very screwed up and sad all the time

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt: you know this one bc its quoted in all those quote compilations. basically the story of how one horrible event traumatizes a young man and how he develops a connection to a painting. really really really good.

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro: hard to describe but strange... not an action novel or a dystopia really but sort of along those lines. very hopeless.

Okay, but like-

Simarkus Cinderella AU?? Markus is Prince Charming?? Simon is Cinderella? Right??? 

I wrote a lot of random ideas for it under the cut, if anyone is interested owo

The Jericrew

Lucy can be the Fairy God Mother, North and Josh can be the not-so-wicked step-siblings of Simon (but not of each other just ‘cause I like Jorth- that’s another story, though)... They’re all old enough to run their household, so there’s no wicked step-mother, it’s just that their daily lives are pretty labor intensive, and they live in the country, far from the castle, and Simon dreams of seeing the castle, but the idea is probably a little too optimistic, and North and Josh try to get him to rationalize that possibility, so he doesn’t get his hopes crushed, but they all get invitations to the ball, and Simon’s hopes just get higher, and the other two are really hesitant to make him realize they don’t have the money to dress up and attend a ball, but Lucy comes in, and she does her magic because this man shouldn’t have to give up his dreams... And also Lucy in a beautiful, fairy outfit, man. qwq

Simon’s Dreams

...maybe he wants to go to the castle because he’s heard of the beautiful, castle gardens, and he loves gardening (even if North and Josh suggest it’s a tedious waste of time and tilled land that he could use on farming vegetables instead of flowers), so when he inevitably goes to the ball and meets Markus, it’s there, in the garden, as Markus has snuck away from the party--

Wicked Step-Brother

-- or rather, maybe Leo tried to trap Markus outside, away from the party, because he didn’t want Markus to find a suitor at the ball ‘cause then Markus would be king, and Carl will only be more proud of Markus and notice Leo less, and that makes Leo, sabotaging Markus’s romance opportunities (and ultimately helping him by locking Markus out of the castle and into the garden to meet Simon), the actual wicked step-sibling and it’s on the prince’s side in this AU, so that’s pretty rad, but we can also get a Leo redemption arc, especially since he kind of accidentally got Markus a suitor he likes anyways, and when he tries to thwart Markus’s plans to find Simon since Markus never learned Simon’s identity past his first name (which is pretty common), Markus has to confront him and finally figure out why Leo hates him so much, revealing Leo’s struggles and feelings, and Markus, the smooth prince he is, comforts Leo and gets him to join his efforts to find out who that dude he met in the gardens was, and on the way, his relationship with Leo improves...

King Carl 

We know Carl can be alive in this AU, and he’s the king, but he gives Markus the, “One day, I won’t be able to take care of you, Markus” talk, and he wants Markus to get a significant other and be the next king, and Leo is bitter about it ‘cause his mom wasn’t a queen like Markus’s was, so he can’t be the heir (but he’s really just bitter ‘cause he thinks it’s what makes Carl favor Markus when really, it’s just kinda like the canon reasoning where Carl just feels like he failed Leo by not investing any time into his potential, so he has a hard time interacting with him without getting upset with himself for who Leo has become)... Of course, there will be a time for Carl and Leo to talk out their misunderstandings and repair their relationship as well, and Leo will agree that, seeing how Markus’s diplomacy brought him to something he could never have done- make up with his dad - Markus is probably the better king of the two of them anyway. 

Happy Ending!

When Markus becomes king ‘cause he marries Simon, Simon can live in the castle and have North and Josh move in, too, or maybe those two are actually pretty content in the countryside, and they tell Simon he better visit and to bring Markus too, and they never have to work as hard again ‘cause Simon brings them resources and stuff a lot, even when they tell him not to... But if you ship Jorth, like me, maybe in their time spent alone on the country side, they, too, find romance uwu Alright, I’ll stop, but like, there’s potential here, right??

None of these thoughts were organized, but I tried to give them headers and have them make a little more sense. I was just watching A Cinderella Story, and I couldn’t help but think of this. Might have to make art of it later- I dunno, we’ll see. Regardless, if you read this, thank you?? And have a good day/evening/night!

The Planets of Hannibal Lecter

As some of you might be aware, I’m very much into astrology. I’m also very much into Hannibal (obviously) as a show, so as you can imagine, it’s one of my favourite things to do to headcanon astrological stuff about these guys. However! In Hannibal’s case, a headcanon may not be necessary. Since his canon birthday is available, let’s look to see what (logically) his placements are. I actually possess an astrological book with a guide to planetary placements throughout the years, so I’ll be referencing that (the book is Joanna Martine Woolfolk’s The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need, for those who are interested). The birthday is listed here:

As we can see, his birthday is August 7th, 1966 (I believe that’s 1966, anyway). Ironically, I was just headcanoning Will’s age and birthday and I remember the common theory/fact? that went around some time ago that showed that Will and Hannibal were 6 years apart both in showcanon and bookcanon, and I had decided on Will being born on 1972 and so I already interpreted Hannibal as being a ‘66 kid. Glad to see I was sort of on the money, haha. A lot of this information that I’ve put down for you to understand the placements is a culmination of my own knowledge, with a little help from the same book. 

Anyway! So, let’s begin. Warning: this is a long one. 

His sun sign is in Leo, meaning that his basic identity is ego-orientated, dramatic, confident (yet a fragile ego) and bold. Leo is a fixed sign, which indicates that his basic nature is that of a stubborn, perfecting nature; he finds it hard to move from things, he is not the most initiative of people (he can be more reactive) nor is he necessarily adaptable when it comes to his identity. Leos are fire signs, which are known for their emotional intensity, their passion and their ferocity. Leos are also associated with the Lion, which indicates a feline nature as well as an association with pride. Similar to Libras, they have a vain nature, but Leos I would argue are more passionate and emotionally involved, their egos are more easily wounded and they’re much more vocal about their wounded egos (Mizumono, anyone?)

His moon sign is in Taurus, meaning that his emotional instinct is indulgent, stubborn, pleasure seeking, materialistic, and romantic. Taurus is ruled by Venus, the planet of beauty, harmony and love; however, as opposed to its other Venusian sign (Libra), Taurus is a fixed Earth sign. They seek pleasures in the material world, they are possessive and physical, they don’t just want to think and appreciate beauty from a distance; they need it. The moon actually exalts in Taurus, so this is actually a really good placement for him, the lucky bastard. 

His mercury sign is Leo. Like his sun, he is dramatic and bold in his thought process; he is prideful and prone to arrogance, while having a fragile ego that conceals his repressed insecurities. Mercury is the planet of thought and communication, of processing and ideas, of messaging and travel. With Mercury in Leo, Hannibal is naturally gifted in eloquence; he possesses a magnetic charm that allows him to control things with ease, including others. There is a tendency to prefer to play than work hard, but there is a determination to succeed and to succeed well (especially if we look to his other placements). Mercury in Leo turns a person to someone who admires theatre and performance, and often their whole life feels like a stage; they are happy when on display (think of his performance as a serial killer, his irritability when others take credit). Mercury in Leos resent tediousness.

His Venus sign is Cancer. Venus is the planet of beauty, love, aesthetics, vanity and indulgence. To a Venus in Cancer native, being loved takes precedence over many things. In fact, in some natives’ charts, it can be the most important thing of all. In Hannibal, we see that manifest; indeed, he destroys his life, he may even abandon every one of his whims, desires, higher purposes, if only to be closer to the man he loves. He is a terrible romantic, sensitive and desperate. He hides this though, as all Cancerian Venuses do; he suppresses this need to be loved and to love in return beneath a mask, because until needs (whatever needs they may be depends on the person) are satisfied, romance is not worth pursuing, because if they want love it must be perfect - similar to its polar opposite Capricorn in love. There is an insecurity in Venus in Cancer - they want to be pursued, because they want their partners to prove that they want them. Of course, Cancer is cardinal, so it is more initiative than it seems, but they may be the sort to trick their partner into thinking they’re doing the first move, when in actuality Venus in Cancer put the stepping stones in place. Consider Hannibal’s seduction of Alana, Alana’s feeling of control and equality in that relationship; consider Hannibal’s relationship with Will, how he subtly tries to establish a dependency which then hides his own future dependency on Will. Even Bedelia, he approaches, and he allows Bedelia to think she has the power, but in actuality he is always the one in control. But he is intensely at love’s mercy, and when he finds someone worthy of all of his divine love, it is sensual, demonstrative, intense, sentimental and highly loyal - in Hannibal’s case, to its darkest extreme. Should be noted that Cancer is associated with mothers and nurturing, as well as family and children, and consider Hannibal’s maternal connection to others.

His Mars sign is Cancer. Mars is the planet of aggression, passion, drive and sex. Cancer subdues Mars somewhat; I believe it may be in detriment (since Capricorn exalts in Mars). Cancer Mars people such as Hannibal have a great strength of will, but not many people are aware of it. Hannibal appears soft, easy and well-mannered to people, and not everyone is aware of his method of attack (consistency, dedication, an unending will to get what he wants). He is naturally prone to an artistic, emotive nature. In sex, he is emotional and intuitive, and views sex as an extension of an artistic pursuit. He has to have involved partners, or he will just abandon them. There is a tendency to cling to relationships that may not be emotionally satisfying, or make him unhappy. He is prone to suppressing his anger until it comes out only in volatile outbursts or nervous irritability. Very well regarded for emotional work and breadth of vision.

His Jupiter is Cancer. Jupiter is the planet of benevolence, optimisim, luck, good will and other good things. It can also be too idealistic, too blind to bad things, etc. When in Cancer, it is very happy! Hannibal then is blessed with a good disposition and a natural sense of humour when approaching everything else. We can see this manifest especially in his sense of humour in dire situations, such as when Mason kidnapped him and Will. Generally, he approaches everything with a good nature (not good actions), and is optimistic towards himself and his own luck; he is aware of it. He has a natural popularity (which we can evidently see) which is helped by his Libra rising (more on that in another post). Jupiter in Cancer often indicates luck with money and especially inheritance, which we see manifest in the case of Hannibal very well, considering his nobility and his successful practise. He has an appreciation for antiques and food. Jupiter in Cancer folk often are incredible chefs.  (Disclaimer: however, not all JiC people are cannibal serial killers). 

His Saturn is Pisces. Saturn is the planet of patience, criticism, time and difficulty; where Saturn falls in a chart can indicate struggle before achieving perfection. Pisces is a deeply mystical, spiritual sign, associated with the higher realm. So, combining these, Saturn therefore doesn’t favour material success but rather perfection in a spiritual sense. Although Hannibal does love his material goods (see his Taurus Moon for example, and his braggadocious Leo sun/Mercury), he doesn’t value them on a soul level - they merely satisfy his sense of pride and serve as a medal of his achievements. Deep down, he is rather more interested and satisfied by something deeper. Hannibal is not religious but as I’ll mention later, God does factor into his character a lot, which does give him this spiritual energy. 

Pisces is deeply imaginative, associated with dreams; Saturn in Pisces natives such as Hannibal possess vivid imaginations and capabilities to think of the strange and wonderful, which then are translated into creative work. Hannibal is no doubt a very artistic person, although his art is gruesome and vicious, his killings are considered an art form even within the canon text. Hannibal has a natural air of sympathy and understanding that stems from a good intuition, which draws people to him instinctively; Saturn is also the planet of the father, so the paternal energy combined with the empathetic nature of Pisces makes him a figure of comfort and (oftentimes) projection that others seek. We know Hannibal to be capable of incredible empathy, he merely weaponizes (and monetises) it. 

Saturn in Pisces, more than any other Saturnian position, are sensitive to the harshness and viciousness of the world. Hannibal was introduced to violence at a young age, and has always understood and seen violence. He is aware that there is an evil in everyone, and believes that evil is inherent. In his case, he wants to pull it out - it’s probably to satisfy his suspicious Virgo Pluto, and to comfort his inner traumatised child, who was taken aback by it and so, when one is aware of others’ evil because it is right in front of you, you can’t be hurt by it. There is a child-like nature to Saturn in Pisces. Try as Hannibal might, he can’t run from the traumatised child inside him. 

His Uranus is Virgo. Uranus is the planet of the eccentric, the strange and innovation. It is quite similar to Pluto in the idea that they are both transformative in nature, but Uranus tends to be a much more extravagant, lofty kind, as opposed to the karmic darkness associated with Pluto. Virgo is the sign of servitude, healing, perfectionism and criticism. With Uranus in Virgo, the power of Uranus manifests as a capability to analyse and use facts well; Uranus in Virgo natives have a natural intuition combined with potent common sense, giving them a heightened awareness of the world and a way to navigate the world intelligently. They have a need to improve the world, while seeking complete autonomy in the process of fulfilling their ideals. They reject authority. Their independence can be heavily noticed by others and registered as strange or unusual. 

Hannibal is on a mission to transform the world in his idea of perfection; he rebels against God, manifesting himself as Lucifer among the living. He is the image of rebellion, against morality, against logic, against anything and everything. Yet he does it not for the sake of chaos necessarily but for the sake of chaos as a tool of higher ability. He wants to shape the world so that others embrace their most carnal, spiritual, raw selves as creatures of cruelty and passion, similar to the image of the Christian God (who loves and in His love causes immense suffering even through His worshippers). 

TW warning for mention of (real life) cults, but very vaguely.

His Neptune is Scorpio. Neptune is an outer planet, a generational planet, and Neptune is the planet of the vague, dreams, mysticism, confusion; it is associated with the sea and so we can imagine that Neptune is a planet of depths, some completely baffling to us. Where Neptune falls in our chart shows our greatest source of creative inspiration (it is the higher octave of Venus) and aestheticism, and also our most confusing issues, where people misinterpret us or where we have a less than solid understanding/way of handling something. 

Scorpio is the sign of intensity, sex and death. With Neptune in Scorpio, Hannibal is drawn to what is hidden from public view (the darkest parts of people’s psyches), to the areas of death, sex, possibly the depraved, the taboo (his reasons from being a psychiatrist, his time as a surgeon, his serial killer-y-ness in general). Neptunian Scorpios are capable of immense innovation, invention, and are generally drawn to sciences, medicines and genetics because of what they represent. Interestingly, unrelated to Hannibal, during the Neptune in Scorpio generation (1955-1970), there was a breakdown of sexual taboos in society (the swingin’ 60s, the beginning of the free love 70s), as well as a revival in belief of the supernatural, and one of the most notorious cults committed their grandest actions of cruelty during the Neptune in Scorpio era. 

His Pluto is Virgo. Pluto is the planet of transformation, re-invention, it’s a huge karmic planet and it is a very intense one. It’s also a generational planet. In Virgo, Virgo is the sign of servitude, perfection, criticism, communication and analytical thought. So, when a person has a Virgo Pluto, they are naturally gifted with a profound capability for analysis, for being able to see deep within the layers of people. They are intensely devoted to perfection, but are suspicious and fault-seeking in the world around them. May have a paranoid nature that is concealed. With Hannibal, we can see this nature, but he hides his nature very well; the only time his Virgo attributes really come out is when he’s trying to take advantage of them so others warm up to him (i.e fussing over his imperfect past in order to get pity). However, he clearly does have a very paranoid, pessimistic view of the world - he distrusts even God. He is constantly seeking perfection and can even be prone to idealism in search of it. 

Interestingly, during this era, the civil rights movement really saw success, and the feminist movement was growing in the mid 1960s (around the time Hannibal was born). Although this was very American-centric, Hannibal was born into a time of radical change, of growth and medical advancement. Unfortunately for Hannibal, he likely didn’t see the boons of this until later, but no doubt the Virgo-Pluto energy reached his home life in some other, probably much darker manner. 

So, in summation: we can see a theme of luxury, perfectionism, intense emotion, spirituality, sensitivity, pride and creativity. Actually, Hannibal’s chart fits him very well, in my opinion, and only furthers my opinion that the fanon belief that he is some cold heartless manipulator who only feels genuine emotion for Will is completely wrong. After all, what he feels for Will is powerful (and I will write more astrological compatible stuff for them soon) but he feels love deeply, and for a multitude of things. He is just also the worst manifestation of these traits.

Also, a disclaimer: just because you have these placements, doesn’t mean you’re as bad as Hannibal or are like, evil. Hannibal is a fictional character and his fictional chart represents only the neutral state of the stars and how he manifests as a character is a representation of underdevelopment and the general evil of his nature etc etc. If you do have these placements though, tell me if you resonate with it or relate to Hannibal! 

I’ll write a post on Hannibal’s House placements as well, as well as Will’s planets and houses too. Once there’s easily accessible information about the basic nature of their charts, I’ll start writing synastry posts as well, analysing the relationship through an astrological lens.

Thank you for reading this kind of pointless character study-type thing. Mwah.

*: ･ﾟ∙ * ⁕ THE TRUTH ABOUT TINSLEY BELL

Her stats and extended biography (and some fun facts) can be found below the cut. For more info message me and I’ll add it here!

Stats.

Name: Tinsley Bell Nickname: Tins, Tinny, Tin-Tin, Tink is only for Peter, sparkles Age: 19 years Birthday: July 13 Zodiac sign: Cancer Sun, Leo moon Pronouns: She/her Location: Second one to the right, Mama Odie’s apartment block, The Bayou Occupation: (finally) Fine arts student Height: 5′2″ aka 157cm (Kristine is actually 5′7″ but sssh) Hair: Blonde/brownish thanks to Sunnyside’s sun! Scars: Several small ones and two big ones on her back from (childhood) adventurousness gone awry.

Psyche.

Tinsley’s self-image is very interdependent. Which means she builds her own identity around the relationships she has with others and that makes her fragile in a way you might not expect from this tough (but cute) looking treeclimber.

+ loyal, inventive, keeps secrets as if it’s a game she can win, helpful, great at manual instructions (so if you need someone to set up your Ikea furniture... one address) ± very expressive: you can read the emotions from her face most of the time; competitive, has a fickle sense of faith (sometimes everything’s possible. sometimes it isn’t.) - thirsts after attention, moodswings, loves to be right, never takes the blame (takes screenshots of everything just to recite it back to you)

Story.

Tinsley Bell’s the girl every parent at their garden parties used to call cute till way past her peers’ prime time. Perhaps it were the fluffy sweater paws or the way she always entertained the kids with her newly invented games. But, despite what Tinsley loved to belief, even to all good things come an end. Too soon someone raised the question why this girl wasn’t growing up. It was near the end of her high school career and it bothered both the little blonde as her father, apparently. Though the two ended up having different ideas on how they should shape Tins’ future from there on.

Tinny thought it was a clear deal. All her life had revolved around outdoor adventures in the woods or with the kids off the orphanage... and crafting. And since treasure hunts weren’t a real profession - not even in a dreamtown like Sunnyside, she thought it natural to continue her studies by refining her art skills. Her father, however sweet he may be, wanted to raise his girls well. Even if that meant crushing one’s tiny dreams and sending her to do accounting. She’d always been great at counting, after all (mainly her many collections and trinkets, but still). Tinsley didn’t struggle with him on the topic, wanting to make him proud and deep down she had little hope to prove she was actually good enough for art school, anyways.

But where there is a wish, there’s a wishwush* and nothing restored Tinsley’s faith in herself more than watching the dandelion seeds scatter off in whichever direction the wind chose to carry them. She could feel the wind pushing her towards art school but one needed money to enroll and man, it wasn’t cheap. Luckily, with the support of her half-sister, she found the inspiration and goodwill to set up an online webshop. What better way to provide for art by art itself, am I right?

Days and weeks went by and sales didn’t skyrocket as she had hoped though. Despite Perrie’s positive outlook on the matter, Tin slowly felt the hope slip out of her. If it weren’t for the fact she was feeling so lifeless and frankly, unloved, she might’ve never perked up during a talk with a future classmate about the wonderful world of chemical. With some (unsuspecting) helping hands, Tinsley created happiness in a pill. Well, powder. “Think happy thoughts.” She sold the glittery substance that mainly functioned like an SSRI and labelled it ‘fairy dust’. A soft drugs that worked in on your hormonal system to heighten your emotions and according to some, makes you feel like you’re floating.

The inventive blonde had to explain the sudden income to her parents somehow, so she kept up the whole webshop ruse (and eventually even used it as a way to distribute “special orders”). She hadn’t anticipated that day where her parents announced they’d always believed in her and wanted to take a leap of faith by moving her to art school but her smile was beaming. Though by now, deals had been cut that she couldn’t simply weasel her way out off so catch this girl working her way through uni while trying to keep more people happy than you might think at first sight.

*wishwush: [noun] Tinsley’s favourite flower aka the dandelion. You make a wish and whoosh there it goes.

Socials.

Username: @tinnybelliever

social media page // social media tag // pinterest musings board

Trash talk.

#1 What’s in Tinny’s trash can? worn-out scrunchies, the tiniest pencil, twinkies wrappers, a broken kettle, printed out (and torn up) screenshots of conversations.

#2 What’s the trash talk about Tinny? - "Tinsley Bell is flawless." - "She has two weird scars and that silver bell." - "I hear she spends all her money on getting ten thousand followers." - "I hear she throws bonfire parties... in the woods." - "Her favorite diet must be eating glitter." - "One time I caught her sneaking in and out of the orphanage so she must have a secret baby there." - "One time she met Peter in the hallways and he didn't tell her she looked pretty..." - "Yeah so she punched him in the face. It was awesome."

#3 Does Tinny have any trash thoughts? Yes, of course. No matter how much attention she gets, whether it’s from her half-sister, her best friend, her little squad, her online followers or even her enemies - it doesn’t mean she always feels loved. Trash thoughts don’t last very long, necessarily. She’s the girl that can actually wipe a smile on her face right after dabbing at her tears. (On the other hand, that also means there’s never a good time to bring her bad news.) She has a tendency to daydream about being someone more "important" than you feel you are and in those dark moments, her mind uses that against her. Screaming she’ll never ever shine again.

Sissi (1955, Austria)

Germany’s annexation of Austria in World War II devastated Austria’s domestic film industry. Either its best directors, producers, and writers fled to neutral or Allied nations or they were absorbed into a centralized, Nazi-run film company named Wien-Film (”Wien” is German for Vienna). Wien-Film rarely distributed propaganda, but its light comedies had anti-Semitic and Fascist undertones. Following Axis defeat, Austria’s film industry – unlike Italy’s neorealists, Poland’s directors examining national identity, or French New Wave directors advocating innovation – looked backward with period pieces and musical comedies as the Austrian public sought escapism, not reminders of their daily struggles. Some writers and historians of cinema might dismiss this demand for escapism as resulting in unchallenging films. But just because Sissi – the first of a trilogy based on the early life of Empress Elisabeth (”Sissi”; pronounced “SEE-see” not like the word “sissy”) of Austria – is not a thematically or cinematically complicated piece, does not mean its initial and enduring popularity is worthless.

Think of Sissi as a delectable, artisanal box of chocolates. Think of Ingmar Bergman movies as broccoli – Swedish broccoli. The latter is healthy and you may just like it (I certainly do); the former may do no favors for your health, but is it not enjoyable?

By 1955, Austria was still in the throes of economic recovery with the Marshall Plan’s assistance. Still occupied by Allied forces, Austria reestablished its sovereignty on July 27, 1955. Five months later, Ernst Marischka’s Sissi was released, becoming one of the most successful German-language movies of all time. Sissi and the two movies following it – which will receive write-ups after this – have since become Christmas staples in German-speaking countries and Hungary. All of that enjoyment begins in the first installment. For Austrians prideful of their history and national identity, it is a romanticized, sanitized yuletide treat. For everyone else, Sissi begins the story of a sumptuous royal drama with the sense of humor of a live-action ‘50s/’60s Disney film (without the juvenile intentions), the production quality as beautiful as any Western film in these difficult years for Europe.

It is the mid-1850s in Bavaria (at the time part of the ineffective German Confederation with close ties with the Austrian Empire, also a member of the Confederation). Princess Elisabeth (Romy Schneider; henceforth referred to as “Sissi”) is the second-oldest daughter of Duke Maximilian Joseph (Gustav Knuth; “Max”) and Duchess Ludovika (Magda Schneider, Romy’s mother). Sissi is sixteen years old, running about her parents’ lakeside estate among the forests and green mountains, living through a wondrous childhood. One day, eldest sister Helene (Uta Franz; “Nené”) travels with their mother, Ludovika, to Bad Ischl, a summer retreat of Austrian Emperor Franz Joseph I (Karlheinz Böhm). Nené is to be engaged to Franz Joseph, an arrangement engineered long ago by his mother, Archduchess Sophie (Vilma Degischer; Sophie is Ludovika’s elder sister). Despite not being invited to court due to her tomboyish ways, Sissi joins her mother and elder sister out of curiosity for new sights and experiences. While wandering the forest, Sissi accidentally encounters Franz Joseph, beginning a succession of events that sees them falling in love, the audience reeling in secondhand embarrassment for Nené especially, and ending with Sissi’s marriage and crowning as Empress on April 24, 1854.

Other important characters include Franz Joseph’s father Archduke Franz Karl (Erich Nikowitz) and Franz Joseph’s brother Archduke Karl Ludwig (Peter Weck). Serving as comic relief are two fictional creations: the overly presumptuous Gendarmerie-Major Böckl (Josef Meinrad; whose character appears in the two successive Sissi films) and the Postmaster of Ischl (Richard Eybner).

There are some historical inaccuracies for those wanting to compile a definitive list of such things: Sissi was actually the fourth child of Max and Ludovika, not the second. Also, there was never any clandestine mountainous flirtation between Franz Joseph and Sissi; instead, he just happened to find Sissi more attractive than Nené (if Nené had a nicer temperament, then his motivations might be suspect). Of all the Sissi films, this first installment – the entire trilogy was written by Marischka – is the one rewriting history the most. The narrative contrivances to extend the romantic drama are too convenient and too silly to be believed anyways. This fits with the tenor Sissi is attempting but is ultimately as clichéd as any romance could be.

However, depending on how enjoyable and charming a piece of narrative art is, even the most generic of storylines and developments get an occasional (or frequent) pass. The opening half-hour of Sissi sees the titular princess and her siblings frolic like the spoiled countryside urchins they are – think “Do-Re-Mi” from another film allowing audiences a glimpse of beautiful Austrian backdrops. For all of the traditional stiffness that Archduchess Sophie attempts to enforce, the gleeful spontaneity of Sissi’s family (and Sissi herself) provides a light-hearted juxtaposition that, in the two subsequent films, becomes the center of personal dramas. The 1955 Sissi is hinting at the disappointment and sadness that is to come, but there is nothing like a first love for people to forget life’s difficulties, and what must be endured and tolerated as years pass. The audience can sense the tension between Sissi’s dedication to Franz Joseph and her fear of the trappings – and traps – of the imperial duties she must perform.

Throughout this trilogy, Romy Schneider takes the part of Sissi and allows us to see the Empress’ generosity, forbearance, and endurance. By the time the final Sissi film was released in 1957, Schneider would occasionally be referred to as, “Sissi” in German-language media. All this for good reason – Schneider becomes Sissi on the first try. Her warmth, derived from her too-perfect parents and too-perfect family, is here in abundance, even in times where her character faces the obstruction of royal ways and Archduchess Sophie’s initial coldness toward her. As Franz Josef, Karlheinz Böhm – ten years Schneider’s elder, the two became great friends during production – is less charismatic here, but his better performances will come as political intrigue strikes in the upcoming movies.

Elsewhere, Vilma Degischer plays Archduchess Sophie as a stickler for tradition, almost offended by her son’s indiscretions – Sophie convinced her husband to abdicate the throne in 1848 to Franz Josef, positioning herself as arguably the most important person in the Austrian Empire. Degischer is unmoving, calculating, but never acting against her son’s or the Empire’s interests. Degischer allows audiences to understand Sophie’s intentions – a lesser actress might have interpreted Sophie as too antagonistic. A subplot where Gendarmerie-Major Böckl believes Sissi to be a nefarious individual before her first encounter with Franz Joseph is an overstretched punchline, but at least Josef Meinrad’s energy and comic timing is excellent.

The first Sissi film is, thematically, the least interesting in the entire series despite being the least flawed overall. All of the conflicts – political, personal, familial – that make this series worthwhile are all developing in the background, to be fully articulated once Sissi understand the imperial experience of being a public leader. This film is most like the stereotypical conception of a Disney princess movie, with romance that is flighty, and drama that is, in some sense, smiled away.

Unless written otherwise, many of the craftspersons about to be mentioned served for the entire Sissi trilogy because they were Ernst Marischka regulars around this time. Everyone mentioned here contributes astounding work.

Cinematographer Bruno Mondi (co-cinematographer on Fritz Lang’s 1921 film Destiny) shoots much of this film outdoors, as the first Sissi is more dependent on exteriors and on-location footage than the others.  Thankfully for Mondi, the on-location exteriors lend to this film’s (and the trilogy’s) epic, postcard-picture-perfect scope. Seeking out locations Princess (later Empress) Elisabeth lived in her youth, Marischka wanted to shoot at the family estate of Possenhofen Castle on Lake Starnberg. However, the castle was in such disrepair at the time that shooting moved to Fuschlee Castle in Salzburg instead. Other locations include the Tyrolean mountains, Schönbrunn Palace in Vienna (Franz Joseph’s summer residence; Schönbrunn will be prevalent later) and St. Michael's Church in Vienna.

In other technical areas, the costume design by Leo Bei (Marischka’s 1954 film The Story of Vickie, various 1960s Disney productions set in Austria), Gerdago (The Story of Vickie), and Franz Szivats (Szivats is the only credited costume designer who did not work on the third film) is magnificent. Alternating between simpler – but upper-class – casual attire to the courtly gowns and suits found in the ball scenes, the amount of costumes needed for Sissi alone is incredible to see. Art director/production designer Fritz Jüptner-Jonstorff has obviously completed extensive research to implement as many details as he can to Sissi’s family’s lakeside home as well as the royal residences.

The music score by Anton Profes (The Story of Vickie) concentrates around Sissi’s theme, which appears across the trilogy typically as transitional music. The motif never tires itself, and Profes knows to arrange the theme slightly depending on the situational contexts of the previous or upcoming scenes. Otherwise, if one despises Viennese waltzes, be warned that Johann Strauss II’s Roses from the South waltz might be stuck in your head once completing any of the Sissi films (as is a recurring theme in this write-up, there will be more waltz music and musical interest in the sequels; know what you are getting into in all facets of the filmmaking before committing). Oh, and for you history sticklers, Roses from the South is an anachronism; Strauss composed the piece in 1880.

Not only did Sissi become an instant cultural phenomenon in Austria, a sort of reclamation of a glorious past through cinema. But it also proved popular in an unexpected place. For Chinese mainlanders who lived through the Cultural Revolution (1966-1976), the film’s appearance on mainland Chinese television spurred Chinese interest in Austria. The first Sissi – I have no independent confirmation about the popularity of the entire trilogy – needed no censorship because of its lack of politics and fluffy romance. On China’s equivalent of the IMDb, Douban, Sissi is very well-rated and popular for a 1950s Western movie (China, for various reasons including the government’s censoring prickliness, does not have as strong a cinematic tradition that values classic movie fandom as many Western nations).

In North America, Sissi is relatively unknown, as is the name Romy Schneider –  Schneider later appeared in a handful of Hollywood productions, but felt most at home in Europe. All three Sissi films are now available on Blu-ray thanks to New York-based Film Movement. Film Movement is an organization that distributes non-English language and independent films (theatrically and monthly on home media) that have been ignored by North American audiences. On Halloween this year, Film Movement released the box set of the entire trilogy with a new 2K restoration. These are the versions that aired on Turner Classic Movies (TCM) on October 18, and on which this review (and the two later pieces I will write to complete the trilogy) is based on.

Sissi has all the sweetness of the most heartwarming fairy tales and is deserving of its status as a cultural touchstone. Along with some liberties in the storytelling, the craftswork and the performances enliven these historical individuals and moments described in books, depicted in portraits, regarded by the Austrian people.

My rating: 7.5/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. Half-points are always rounded down. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found here.

Also in the Sissi trilogy: Sissi: The Young Empress (1956) and Sissi: Fateful Years of an Empress (1957)

Top 7 Teen Movies

When you grow up, your heart dies - or so they say. Here's the proof: Heathers Juno, critic of The Guardian and Observer select the 10 best movies for teenagers.  Blackboard Jungle

Under the name "Evan Hunter", also known as a crime writer Ed McBain - Blackboard Jungle the early age of the labeled teen offender - it was based on his own experience as a teacher in the Bronx. In London movie Brooks attracted crowds of Stuffed Boys, cut theater seats, danced in the aisles and actually started a riot. The reason for this so shocking behavior was not so much the content of the film, which is now a sober 12 rating, but achieved due to the use of Bill Haley and the early rock'n'roll comets, Rock Around the Clock, who played in polarization . Today is the least shocking aspect of a crime-thrusting film with a knife, drugs and even rape in the state school system, but at the time it was a touchstone for disgruntled young people, regardless of whether Haley was a white musician traveler in Its 30 years and the music has already been a year old. Almost 60 years later, he still has a hit, with Richard Dadier Glenn Ford (first called to enable students to call the Jive to talk to him "Daddy-O") struggle to control his students in the North fiction manual school. Others try and fail, such as the unfortunate Mr. Edwards, whose valuable 78s are crushed by his class consists of an act of symbolic and even disturbing rebellion, but I hope that as African Americans Gregory Miller, what eventually patriotic authority Dadier replied. But for all its war morality, Vic Morrow, the evil Artie West, is the true anti-hero of the film, dressed in leather and meets the logical heir Wild One, Marlon Brando, two years before. Superbad

With certified hits The 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up, the Judd Apatow Express was already rolling at full speed when Superbad, directed a comedy in the younger audience, appeared on the movie screens. Co-written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg (designated the main characters to be), and produced by Apatow, he liked this movie more with a hoarse Partycrowd. The image is dominated by three young actors who were not then the stars they are now. Evan (Michael Cera), Seth (Jonah Hill) and Fogell (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) are high school graduates getting ready for a final party before college. Evan and Seth no longer see each other when the first outing to the prestigious Dartmouth while the latter attended a public university; Seth Groll scattered around the action, but now he's eyeing sex. If he offers through the object of his alcohol affection to a party held so the numbers he is sleeping with her. This is where the drippy Fogell enters: having a fake identity secured mis-adapted under the pseudonym of McLovin, is the key is to plan Seth. With its notes and 24-hour melancholy, the film takes a similar American Graffiti and Dazed and Confused terrain, but is distinguished by a Post-Porky Sensitivity Hallows celebrates simultaneously pre-PC smuttiness. Much of the humor derives from the assessments of the chauvinistic Sex by inexperienced hero. (Adult, I no longer sophisticated. A Rogen police admits that police work is nothing like the serious coroner CSI procedural having been carried out, can be expected. "When I joined the force," he laments, "I semen believed oftentimes "). Goodwill mocking the experts, the details of the accompaniment and direction of Greg Mottola exuberant makes the image almost irresistible, although the pace of broad-fashion and humor is as sexist as a hope for the production of Apatow Kids

No kids at school wisecracking here. In fact there is no mention of the school. Not that many jokes, either come to think of it. Instead, Larry Clark's raw, Drama bracing reminds us securely and artificially that most movies are teenagers. The boys were dangerous: an open honest representation of what modern teenagers actually do (those who grew up in New York, anyway). It was a heavy blow to the chops of a complacent society, who thought she had made all the rebels in the 1950s, and was convicted by demonstrators and politicians. But as The Wild One and Rebel Without a Cause, the film showed a terrible chasm between generations of young and old. The last only demographic number in history. While they work, their children are drunk, they are stoned, fun, fight, steal them and more sex than they did, yet clumsy, insecure and people who do not particularly like. Worse than all this danger sign, but the general lack of concern or compassion for the characters, especially Leo Fitzpatrick's anti-hero is Telly's terrible reckless pursuit of "de-virginise" younger girls and neglected joint has its successes. With the spectrum of AIDS lurking in the shadows, a happy ending is even more in the distance. But there is nothing particularly sensational about the way children have gone through these adolescent lives. The treatment is more like a documentary: on the wall with the camera (which incidentally by the indecent sometimes), the actual sites of the road, unstructured scenes and dialogue really conversation - the latter in Harmony Korine, largely through Of the internal work of a writing, as he was 19 years old. That's the thing, do not get the kids credit for the season: it's done. It is a work of fiction, but the benefits are so little is known, is not included as an "actor", although many of the players followed the decent career, such as Fitzpatrick, Chloe Sevigny, Rosario Dawson and Korine. In short, the will of a job done a little too well. 10 Things I Hate About You

The philosophy behind this lively teen comedy looks like the Shrew the Clueless made Emma do. That is, take the skeleton of a literary classic and dressed in the threads of high school. Although the film Clueless is not, still quite blinding Bobby. Shakespeare's transplant into a youthful atmosphere of the United States in recent times is the least successful part of it: It is not something that a strident touch in the plot, in which a young man told his father that he would not allow graduation date, until the Abrasive ground older sister Kat (Julia Stiles). This sets up a system of younger brother suitors born of a legal soil, Patrick (Heath Ledger), is paid uncontrollably seduce Kat. But that's a small detail. To which we respond in 10 things are visual and verbal, energetic rhythm and charismatic performances: Stiles and the last Ledger may be known for more intense films, but it is doubtful that we do not always get more on the screen than I do here. Writer Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith, keeping things bright will not character for a long time without toxic replica or a sharp zinger their lips anymore. If someone has hit a dry spot, there is always a language to see. "I know you can be overwhelmed and dominated" reflects a girl, "but can it alone" overwhelmed "? Everyone here is united and evoked by their idiosyncratic vocabulary, and the viewer is also enriched by phrases such as" (The brain area where the images are saved as desirable partner for stimulants) or a new definition for the word "backup." For the cast includes Joseph Gordon-Levitt and as the father of the Kat, the magnificent Larry Miller (who was an early contender for George Costanza's game at Seinfeld.) If the rhythm flags, still pick-me-ups like the wonderful accounting show karaoke with the zeal of Steve's early start Martin is held. Juno

Written by an ex-stripper and the issue of student pregnancy approaching - the downfall of all middle-class parents - Jason Reitman's film is a hilarious comedy, played well, that a star made night Ellen Page as the title character. Much if talked about its pro-life nuances in its release, but in reality the situation is Juno is something of a MacGuffin, a premise that a smart, wise to the world and its future can look 16 years. Juno begins with his heroine to realize that a baby will have, the result of a loose ball with his best friend Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera, in his own weediest). Instead of finishing, Juno decides the child for adoption to give attributes to the Loring (Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner), a couple who seem to be in tune - especially participate their love for indie rock and horror movies (although their tastes are quite Early, even by today's standards). The latter is twee and well marked, but what Juno is refreshing, without dismantling the smart edge. In the end, she is certainly older and wiser, but what Juno learns more, do, prepare for disappointment: the adult world not Disney World of complexity is what he seems to think. The use of indie rock still dark have hampered its potential as a mainstream success, but now that only its charm is given lo-fi and in a sense, it is probably useful because Juno really is not aligned world, only those who think Who knew everything grew and learned the hard way that even if they know everything, nobody likes a smartass. Clueless

"As if!" — "I totally paused!" — "Minor ducats…" — "Let's do a lap before we commit to a location!" — "I was surfing the crimson wave!" — "Did my hair get flat?"If Clueless was published in 1995, it was not just sensational and intelligent fun - carefree, the opposite of its title was. Insinuating indirect, clever and funny: writers director Amy Heckerling and seemed to have invented a new culture of the teen-pop language. It was as vivid and colorful as his remarkable movie heroine-keeper: funnier and more romantic than any romcom. In the nineties, it was the hot topics issue. This film was a disgrace to all who, a funny and gracious tribute to Emma Jane Austen with nod to Shakespeare and Wilde. In Clueless, 19, Alicia Silverstone was the role of her life, unique style and comedy display ability, but never found after the race that everything seemed to promise. She plays Cher, the pampered, but basically good-hearted Princess: rich, popular, obsessed with fashion, but lonely and looking for love. Silverstone finds laughter as a teacher, and his voice in a sort of pitchy yodel pause in perplexing tones or complaint. Cher is best friend Dionne (Stacey Trace), but somewhat aggressive with his ex-strident Josh, whose mother was married to Cher's ferocious defender Mel, played by Dan Hedaya. However, could there be a spark between these two? Josh is a college student in liberal causes and Roar Mode "Rock Complaint". It is played by 26-year-old Paul Rudd, who immediately became a brand in Hollywood and sniper. Rudd's character began to mature and youthful Clueless. Get Cher decides what bad grades you have to do with getting your teachers in love, to sneakily two of them fall to each other, and if the east coast dorky girl named Tai appears, Cher makes a personal change "project ". Tai is very well played by Brittany Murphy, an up-and-comer talent who was bleak due to complications of dying in 2009 after an overdose of prescription drugs. The teen movie references to contemporary youth culture is always complicated with irony and melancholy if you look after almost 20 years. The terrible fate of Brittany Murphy is the saddest part of it. Clueless is strange to think that once the social networks. These people are ready and ready for the Internet and the digital revolution. There is a splendid view of the gag on Cher and Dionne talking uncomfortable on his large mobile phone. The recent film by Sofia Coppola, The Ring Bling is Clueless next generation. The difference is that the lean teenager Coppola really are clueless, white and selfish. There is a nice quality and idealistic Clueless comic that makes it so appealing. Cher and Dionne are the queens at their school, but not unpleasant, and according to their lights, they always want to do the right thing. Clueless is not characterized by a sign of "Bully" noticing a comeuppance ter. Mean Girls, the 2004 satirical film written by Tina Fey and Lindsay Lohan is very different. There's nothing new about bullying, of course, but I think it's interesting that Clueless appeared briefly to introduce snarky sites and reality farce at the center of pop culture. Clueless is a true classic: handsome, innocent fun. I envy people I have not yet seen. Pretty In Pink 

The amazing ability to take advantage of John Hughes' teenage thrill, and then inexorably, pack it in a commercial way, has never been better employed here. This is empathy for his films, but also the most outrageous Eighties-tastic. A universal heart-tugger and retro bible style. It's a win-win. There is an old story - the poor Cinderella rich Prince Charming meets, and agonize all the way to the climatic ball, sorry, dance - but the full spectrum of teen angst is here: worry about what your colleagues think; Believing secretly tell your best friend and courage; They worry that you are very poor; Concern for parents; Worry that the sleeve of your vintage tuxedo has not rolled high enough. Hughes takes everything seriously and it takes time to build his characters. Andie knows where Molly Ringwald is coming from. We have to see him at home, and how embarrassing it is, we hung in his room, we saw the status of his single father (playing Harry Dean Stanton). This does not want to take the Ringwald natural wonderful power. Their blend of forward and fragility is the compelling effort. If you apply your lipstick or calls snobbery Andrew McCarthy, we are all the way with it. And Duckie John Cryer is the strangest of the male characters: the friendly and friendly clown who does not stay with the girl, although a better and better dressed society. The latter (especially the requirements of the modified screening tests) feels a bit like a cop-out, but could be read as a commentary on the bittersweet novel against pragmatism. If the story you do not start with Pretty in Pink, style it be. The film is worth looking at the costume changes alone, the respective boss Ringwald, Annie Potts, who travels from the fetish-punk in the 50's hive, Madonna-like material girl Debbie Harry New Wave. Serious art direction now makes the film look like a time capsule intentionally, filled with so many fashions, posters, records and decorative objects as they thought they could escape. And do not forget the soundtrack: Psychedelic Furs, OMD, Echo and the Bunnymen, New Order, The Smiths, uh, a cover by Nik Kershaw. Was each teen movie better?

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