#it’s literally just gone September 1st
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Legit though, we should start turning ecosystem restoration and work to make our world more tolerant to the effects of climate change into annual holidays and festivals
Like how just about every culture used to have festivals to celebrate the beginning of the harvest or its end, or the beginning of planting, or how whole communities used to host barn raisings and quilting bees - everyone coming together at once to turn the work of months or years into the work of a few days
Humble suggestions for festival types:
Goat festival
Besides controlled burns (which you can't do if there's too much dead brush), the fastest, most effective, and most cost-efficient way to clear brush before fire season - esp really heavy dead brush - is to just. Put a bunch of goats on your land for a few days!
Remember that Shark Tank competitor who wanted to start a goat rental company, and everyone was like wtf? There was even a whole John Oliver bit making fun of the idea? Well THAT JUST PROVES THEY'RE FROM NICE WET PLACES, because goat rental companies are totally a thing, and they're great.
So like. Why don't we have a weekend where everyone with goats just takes those goats to the nearest land that needs a ton of clearing? Public officials could put up maps of where on public lands grazing is needed, and where it definitely shouldn't happen. Farmers and people/groups with a lot of acres that need clearing can post Goat Requests.
Little kids can make goat-themed crafts and give the goats lots of pets or treats at the end of the day for doing such a good job. Volunteers can help wrangle things so goats don't get where they're not supposed to (and everyone fences off land nowadays anyway, mostly). And the goats, of course, would be in fucking banquet paradise.
Planting Festival and Harvest Festival
Why mess with success??? Bring these back where they've disappeared!!! Time to swarm the community gardens and help everyone near you with a farm make sure that all of their seeds are sown and none of the food goes to waste in the fields, decaying and unpicked.
And then set up distribution parts of the festival so all the extra food gets where it needs to be! Boxes of free lemons in front of your house because you have 80 goddamned lemons are great, but you know what else would be great? An organized effort to take that shit to food pantries (which SUPER rarely get fresh produce, because they can't hold anything perishable for long at all) and community/farmer's markets
Rain Capture Festival
The "water year" - how we track annual rainfall and precipitation - is offset from the regular calendar year because, like, that's just when water cycles through the ecosystems (e.g. meltwater). At least in the US, the water year is October 1st through September 30th of the next year, because October 1st is around when all the snowmelt from last year is gone, and a new cycle is starting as rain begins to fall again in earnest.
So why don't we all have a big barn raising equivalent every September to build rain capture infrastructure?
Team up with some neighbors to turn one of those little grass strips on the sidewalk into a rain-garden with fall-planting plants. Go down to your local church and help them install some gutters and rain barrels. Help deculvert rivers so they run through the dirt again, and make sure all the storm drains in your neighborhood are nice and clear.
Even better, all of this - ESPECIALLY the rain gardens - will also help a ton with flood control!
I'm so serious about how cool this could be, yall.
And people who can't or don't want to do physical stuff for any of these festivals could volunteer to watch children or cook food for the festival or whatever else might need to be done!
Parties afterward to celebrate all the good work done! Community building and direct local improvements to help protect ourselves from climate change!
The possibilities are literally endless, so not to sound like an influencer or some shit, but please DO comment or reply or put it in the notes if you have thoughts, esp on other things we could hold festivals like this for.
Canning festivals. "Dig your elderly neighbors out of the snow" festivals. Endangered species nesting count festival. Plant fruit trees on public land and parks festival. All of the things that I don't know anywhere near enough to think of. Especially in more niche or extreme ecosystems, there are so many possibilities that could do a lot of good
#climate change#climate action#climate crisis#climate hope#solarpunk#hopepunk#hope posting#community building#ecosystem#ecosystem restoration#forest fire#fire prevention#flood#flood prevention#harvest#harvest festival#regenerative agriculture#modern farming#water conservation#meteorology#festival#not news#hope#climate optimism
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I wrote a bunch of reference notes on the Academy, if anyone’s interested, and if anyone would like to add! This is, again, for fic reasons.
building has 3 levels + people can walk on the roof
painted white
there’s a track field in the back
surrounded by forest
(hypothetically) next to the Hokage building? Or pretty close at least
There’s some grey building attached to it. Cafeteria? Teacher’s lounge? Special classroom?
Unsure if other buildings around are a part of it or some of the teacher’s own homes. Leaning for the former.
Konoha loves its trees, there are trees growing literally everywhere. Eco-friendly king Hashirama, I guess.
I think they might be Pagoda trees and this is only interesting to me in the writing sense
Usual classroom has 3 students per table, and perhaps 3 or 4 table columns and 3 rows
That’d make for a class capacity of 27 students. Not all seats happened to be filled
1st Konoha image depicts 84 new students. That’d make for 3 new first grade classes. Schools usually do have at least 3 to 4 different classes of the same year, I assume it’s the same for the Ninja Academy
If it’s around the same amount for each year, then Konoha’s Ninja Academy would have at least 486 students. Pretty believable elementary school numbers.
The classes themselves look bare (perhaps bc Kishimoto didn’t care much for detail) and look more like college classrooms than elementary or even high school ones
They have boards where papers are attached: probably reminders written for better memorization, for things such as class tasks, etc.
Nobody’s ever depicted doing class tasks like is customary of a regular Japanese school, though, but I assume they still exist
Maybe their bags and all are in lockers in different rooms, or under their tables
Lessons?
Looks like they have more than on teacher, not just Iruka. Iruka might be their homeroom teacher, tho, seeing how closely he sticks to Naruto and how he acts like a guide.
Here’s what they learn according to the First Fanbook:
I’d say this would take 2 or 3 different teachers per class, maybe? Iruka is seen teaching history to Konohamaru’s class, and teaching practice to Naruto’s. Let’s say there are around… 18 classes in total, and each teacher teaches in at least 2 or 3 different ones. The number of teachers at the Academy would range from 12 to 18, then.
They don’t appear to be graded on philosophy or history proper:
The First Fanbook says they’re graded on “classroom attitude” and “positivity” however, and I guess that’s where their paying attention in both those classes would be absolutely necessary
I am going to completely ignore the “how to be a woman” classes bc they’re stupid as hell and are eventually irrelevant, lol.
School-year?
The regular Japanese school-year follows a 3 semester calendar, where the school year begins around April and ends in March, according to multiple sources I’ve googled
I think it makes sense that that’s also how the Academy would work. If Sasuke was 7 when the massacre happened, then that would mean that:
He started school in April at age 6, having turned 6 the year before and thus being at the perfect age to start following the Japanese school system
Sasuke is shown receiving grades at some point, which means he’s gone through an end of term exam already, and the first term ends in July, to be followed by a summer vacation that extends to the end of August. He would have had his 7th birthday by then. It fits.
Also the Massacre would’ve happened around the end of August or the beginning of September, since Sasuke was back to school when it happened.
#send post#might need a ''taking Naruto too seriously'' tag atp#if the formatting looks weird it's bc I copy-pasted it from a Libre Office file#The ground is soft and I'm ready to dig
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Y'all...I think I just found something for whatever they're doing next, maybe with the music video? So during all of the youarehome stuff, I was in the discord server and literally only a handful of people were talking about this, but someone said that within the you are home website code, there was a tumblr url called allmylovetoyou that was linked, and then suddenly disappeared. I didn't personally see it, it was gone by the time I looked, so I've been sus that these people were just messing with everyone, but I've been keeping my peepers peeled on this since then. So the blog itself was either private or had no content, I can't remember, and it couldn't be found by a google search or the tumblr search, you needed the url to find it. It's been a little while since I last checked, but the blog is now gone. I looked it up on google and...there's now a domain registered called allmylovetoyou.com and it's literally fucking registered to The Azoff Company lmao. It says it was last updated on september 1st, and I swear it was only a little while ago that I last checked the tumblr blog, like july/early august maybe, and it hadn't been deleted yet...so they're on the move lol. Also, the domain, whatever it was originally, was created back in 2017 in march, which I think is literally when harry's solo era officially started? Idk if they meant for anyone to find this yet but they were asking to get caught in 4K 📸 by putting it in the code lmao - 🦖
THIS IS CRAZYYYYY that man is sneaky so i'll be keeping my peepers peeled too 👀
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Ok I have a small free time window in between exams which can only mean one thing:
MY PERSONAL PARACOSM - MASTERPOST
(An almost complete list of all narrative projects I've ever done in my life + personal commentary as I think back on my own writing. Documenting my personal evolution as a writer. From oldest to newest per each category.)
COMPLETED
NOVELS
Aside from my 3 chapter attempt about a year or two previously, I never wrote a novel until the age of 12 and a half, going on 13. It was one of the biggest milestones I had ever hit, and I wouldn't have gotten the confidence to start if it weren't for my mentor who encouraged me, using The Book Thief (1st the movie and then I read the book too) as a prompt. Alexandra, whatever you do, write, write, write! And so I did.
The Image through the Thick Glass (ITTG) - September 2013 - summer 2014 (aged 12-13)
My very first novel ever. 53k words.
The plot revolves around a certain Kaito Hayashi, whose life is genuinely miserable from start to finish. First he's an orphan, then he's bullied (because he's a weird kid, but also a child savant or something), then he suffers in love as it were, aka feels very rejected, he is in poor health and almost dies of pneumonia at some point (hiking trip gone wrong??). He eventually gets with the woman he loves (whose name is Kata but that's not an actual Japanese name)))))) but she kind of stops loving for some very arbitrary reason again relating to his health (ableism???). At this point they have a young kid so it's very sad too like the kid is like wants to spend time with his dad but his mom is like no, and at the end he dies... but it's not completely tragic I guess because some people do mourn for him namely his son and his brother.
The side characters are interesting too like Kaito's older brother, Chang (again that's not a Japanse name but ok) is very protective of him and generally a likeable character, though a stereotypical aloof type etc. And he even has a "meet an adventurous girl and learn to have fun" arc so he's got that going on for him. Kata has a sister, Miku (you can see my inspiration) who is married to an American guy, who is Christian which is a plot point but also kind of not. Like the Japanse characters are vaguely non-religious. Kata and Miku's grandpa is a recurring character; he lives in the mountains but for his granddaughter's wedding he does come to the city, and quite dramatically while he's at it.
Kata also has a neighbour kid who has a weird relationship with her as in... the kid remembers her fondly but Kata literally treats the kid like some sort of ghost because due to some misunderstanding she thought she had died (instead what happened is she got into a car accident and was hospitalised for a while... poor girl...). This was supposed to show how Kata had a crippling fear of death, which would be why she left her husband when he was at his worst health wise. But that's still very selfish??? But I think the other characters do call her out for it. Anyway she herself was disabled (had a severe accident as a child and her legs never healed the right way and she alternatively uses crutches or a wheelchair) so I don't even get where her attitude was coming from.
Kaito himself was my personal blorbo for my entire preteen section of my life. Although in retrospective he's just... sad. Like literally just miserable all the time except select scenes. In the first draft I remember having written him attempt suicide but my parents were like what! You know nothing about things such as depression and the such. And yeah they were right. So I didn't have him do that anymore. But he was still... depressed? And his only support was the fact that at least his brother cared for him, but even said brother, being a responsible adult TM didn't have much time. And Kaito had a job too I guess. He was supposed to be an architect. And as a hobby he was an artist and was a very creative person in general.
Some things I'm still pleased with to this day: the scene in which his bullies, now adults, randomly meet him again and see him spending time with his son, and they straight up apologise to him. And they even socialise in a friendly way with the kid. They had jobs and stuff etc. I like that it was neither the "bullies remain nasty abusive people forever" trope nor the "bullies are punished by fate by becoming homeless jobless deadbeats etc" trope. They just moved on with their lives, happened to meet the kid they used to bully and apologised. I think I wrote that because especially at that age, being bullied a lot, I secretly desired to have that kind of closure.
Another scene I like to this day is the "vacation" episode in which Kaito's son comes to visit him and they play in the snow and have an overall good time together, bonding time etc, but a shadow of sadness looms over because Kaito thinks to himself that he's getting worse with his health etc, but at least for the moment he is happy etc.
Another scene I find wholesome is Chang's date with Yume (that's the name of his girlfriend). Very nice dynamic between him who is very serious and stoic and her who is, to put it this way, office worker by day, adrenaline junkie by night. Her hobbies are very sporty and she even takes him out for a parachute ride of all things! The other side characters all have good relationships too. Miku and her husband get along great, and have a nice peaceful scene together (he comforts/ encourages her about something?? She is a doctor so it might've been her stressful job?). Only the main couple is kinda toxic. Though back in the day I liked drawing them together a lot.
The relationship between the main couple felt very much like. Him trying his best to win her love and her... straight up not doing the same. Like sure during the hiking trip gone wrong episode, she has one of those "Oh no you're hurt so now I realise I've loved you all along" moment, and there are times when they genuinely get along. And she even apologises to him at some point towards the end of the story (for not having been by side during his hospitalisation and other issues etc). But the lenghts he goes to just to impress her and... not even that... just to make her notice him, are quite staggering.
One very painful such episode is towards the end, when she's distancing from him a lot. She's doing laundry etc and some dress or whatever just flies off the window onto a tree or whatever. And here we have a (contrived) chase scene, in which he is very dramatically running after a flying piece of clothing, tripping (and hurting himself in the process) until he finally retrieves the dress. And she's like smh my head, it's dirty now. And man the book is full of such tear jerking scenes. (Another example is a scene in his childhood when he falls face first into the ground but it's treated realistically and he ends up splitting his lip open... which man why friccin describe how he was bleeding like that dude...) Like see how miserable this dude is? Even when he has what he wants it gets taken away from him, nobody loves him and he's dealing with chronic illness on top of it all!
And genuinely. What, girl... Like I appreciate the fact that it was my first novel, and I'm always glad I wrote it. I'll always cherish it and treasure the memories. But the story is not good, though. Or at least not as whole. The message at least is pretty messed up if you try to extract one. Like what is even the message? Fate is cruel? Life is meaningless? Or idk maybe some people live good lives but there are some particular people that literally nobody will love and that's just the way it is?
Thinking of it in a meta way. I think the message, subconsciously, was the last one. In life there are certain people that people arbitrarily will never love, or even outright hate. And yes this story was heavily influenced by the media I was consuming at the time, namely anime and more specifically very dramatic tear jerking anime like Clannad (after story was my main inspiration I think, especially for the latter scenes in which Kaito spends time with his son, but is also slowly dying etc). But even deeper in my subconscious than just my immediate memory of what I was consuming, there was the desperate cry of unloved unloved unloved. That's plastered all over this story. In September there'll be 10 years since I wrote this. It'll be interesting to see the retrospective. A mentor figure I had at the time told me this story feels like it was written by a very lonely person. At the time I rejected such "criticism". But girl that was NOT criticism. It was the truth. The whole story reads like a cry for help. No wonder my parents didn't want me writing this dude contemplate suicide.
Overall self assessment: nostalgia value because it's my very first long form original work, my first novel, my writing debut as it were. There are individual parts of the story that are really beautiful, but as a whole, it's a hopelessly bleak story without much of a purpose than venting, subtly crying unloved unloved unloved from between the lines.
The 5 Books of the Immortals - June 2015 - February 2016 (aged 14-15)
My second ever novel. 73k words. My beloved!!!! The characters from this work were my absolute blorbos, and sometimes still are. This is genuinely a monumental improvement over the 1st novel.
Debriefing. This is not a fantasy, despite the title. It was meant to be an illusion. Start as a fantasy and slowly fade into the real world as the "game"/ innocence of childhood faded away and was replaced by horror. The concept of course is great, and it still lives rent free in my head. One day, I hope to execute it in a way that does it justice. The fact that I didn't manage this is one of the biggest flaws of the novel ofc. But let me talk about the positive things because I genuinely loved writing this so so so much.
The story starts in a college in what we later learn is late 1930s Britain. The main character, Len (should more accurately be Lev but you get the point) is an extremely ambitious chemistry student, the "wizard" among his peers. Except for the dean's son, Zephyr, who is also a genius, but more serious, a foil to Len's rambunctiousness. They become besties tho, and as you can imagine Len gets his friend into trouble a lot. Zephyr has a tense relationship with his dad, which is explored later. Len also meets a girl, Eyline (supposed to be Eileen but bear with teen me and her name giving habits lmao), with whom he is soon quite smitten, and tries a lot of wacky magic tricks to catch her attention (magic tricks = chemical reactions and stuff. On the hallway????????) She's a med student. This info is a tool that we will use later *winks*. She's quite the introvert and a very serious person but she does like him too and find things in common with him. And they become friends which inevitably means wacky shenanigans, and fall in love over the course of the following college years. The scenes between them are just adorable, like one day they stay up late in the library and she just falls asleep with her head on his shoulder etc.
There is one scene at this point which I would totally change now because it went too far in terms of stakes. Len's hubris gets the better of him and he accidentally sets the friccin lab on fire????????????? And it's a very dramatic scene and apparently his sister (coincidentally his lab mate for said project) died?????? And he survived but... he got away with that like. 1 legally and 2. without crippling trauma?????????????? By all accounts this makes no sense and if I were to write this again I would never. I'm not saying he was not affected at all. He's very distraught and gets his own come-to-Jesus moment but... why have such a situation in the 1st place given the drama that is coming for these characters outside college. Anyway. What I was trying to show is that yeah Len is very wacky silly and fun as this over confident character, but his self confidence can get the worst of him and make him do stupid and dangerous things.
At the end of college he marries his beloved Eyline and they have a nice little 1st year of marriage, which to this day I love that montage I did. And now comes the "fantasy fades away" moment. Not by them falling out of love ofc. The fantasy is actually violently ripped away from them as Eyline sees Len, holding his head in his hands, burdened, looking at a letter. He was drafted!!!!!!!!
Because it was actually 1939 all along. Yeyy? And so he prepares for war but Eyline pulls a Mulan and is like no, I'm going to fight alongside you, I cannot be separated from you etc. And he's like nooooo that's very dangerous etc honey you don't have to do this for my sake but she, the original girlboss, is like no, I'm coming because I want to be by your side. If you're going to die at least we die together (or something along those lines). So they went together. And they meet up with Zephyr too ofc. And then another character is introduced, Glinda, who registered as a volunteer out of personal conviction. Later down the line they meet a teen boy who totally lied about being 18 and now they adopt him. I don't make the rules. Adopt as in the found family sense, you get what I'm saying. They're on the battlefield still.
A lot of battles and stuff go down. There is this recurring character Gus who has a vendetta on them for whatever reason and honestly I would remove this character if I wrote this nowadays. This creep follows them around sometimes. Anyway I guess his whole spiel was to be the type of person that views war as licence to kill but... it doesn't really go that well idk. At some point they meet some girl who used to have a crush on Len and she works in the factory to produce weaponry now (which would be the 1st genuinely historically accurate detail so far lmao). But again why is this girl meddling like. This guy is taken. And also this drama has no place during... a war....
Anyway at some point Len catches a stomach disease and is bedridden for a while, which is very much treated as an almost death. Like he has a sort of going-to-Heaven type dream too. Anyway it is during this time that the others get to meet war veterns from ww1, who just so happen to know Zephyr's dad (also a vet). They get some neat little backstory with this occasion. It is also during this time that they meet the teen boy, named Günther (he is half German; he ran away from home for a yet undisclosed reason).
One interesting episode is when Günther meets a girl his age. But as it turns out, she had been coerced into becoming a spy (for the Germans that is), so this was all a ploy. Except she genuinely likes Günther and is friends with him so now he wants to protect him. But she gets caught by both sides as a spy. Günther is helpless to rescue her and she is killed off screen. Again I would write this differently nowadays. It was meant to be a shocking scene like oh no, this is what happens to a double agent. But poor girl was genuinely a victim of circumstance here. Günther is understandably extremely distraught by this.
One of my favourite episodes: Christmas time is coming, which means the soldiers stop by some village and camp etc. They are intent on celebrating. Zephyr meets his cousin, Miles, and they just so happen to stop by his hometown so they stay at his house. Miles is a skilled piano player. The gang has a bit of a breather moment, they play with snow like little kids and have an overall great time. Then ofc the scene gets dramatic real fast but the way I imagined it was always so cinematic. I even imagined using this scene as the trailer for the movie adaptation!!! Miles is playing a familiar Carol on the piano, the camera as it were zooms in on his hands and its almost silence and then BOOM. They actually get bombed, which is supposed to be this shocking scene but also one that (for the purposes of the trailer) sets the tone. Everybody survived except Miles, because that's the part of the house that collapsed. Ok again I would not kill him off if I wrote this today. After finding shelter from the raid etc the characters basically immediately have to go into battle again. It gets dramatic real fast.
Eyline is seriously injured and remains in the hospital for a long time. Len sulks, extremely worried, for a while, but at some point he gets the opportunity to volunteer to fight I'm Stalingrad.... being an ally and all... but remember he himself was Russian (yeah. See the above comment that he should be named Lev for accuracy). So it gets kinda personal. The chapter in which this happens is named... drumroll... the Land where winter never ends. Sound familiar? I thought so. Anyway my dude fights until a heavy snowstorm overcomes him and he gets lost. He remembers a lot of stuff, in a sort of life flashing before his eyes montage? He remembers a lot about his childhood etc. Anyway he survives this ordeal because his (not elderly enough not to fight) uncle was also there, in time to rescue him.
He spends some more time there. Meets a boy about Günther's age named Ivan, to whom he becomes a bit of a mentor figure. Ivan gets killed before his eyes which again is supposed to be for shock value bit dude this is a bit much. Len eventually returns, and, much to his delight, Eyline is alive and also managed to heal in the meantime.
Günther finds his hometown completely wiped off the face of the earth which is understandably very traumatic for him. He assumes both his parents died and deeply regrets having run away from home. He had run because he failed 10th grade + was expelled?? and was too ashamed to face his parents ever again (and he had been a problem student for a while already). I'm not sure I actually wrote this but in an adjacent comic I hinted that his getting failed was more or less due to his teacher being Antisemitic (in the actual text his mother is hinted to be Jewish. But like living in Britain I guess). But the real twist is that his father had gone away from home the night his son was gone in order to search for him.
Guys this is hands down my favourite arc in this story. Like I really like the wife so loyal she'll join the army arc too ofc. Chefs kiss. But father travelling the war torn country, putting his own life in danger to find his son who he has no evidence is even alive anymore? Crying on main my friends... Anyway his dad is crazy dedicated to his pursuit. One day he searches through a forest and falls into a valley, but a lumberjack living there rescues him in time, and takes care of him until his broken bone (arm??) heals. The lumberjack tells the story of how he isolated himself from society once he discovered his wife just up and married somebody else as soon as he was (falsely) declared dead back in the day. And now he's a miserable old man etc. But he is genuinely inspired by this father searching for his lost son, and examines his cynicism a bit.
Zephyr receives a letter from his dad which explains a lot about his own experience during ww1 and basically serves as an attempt to reconcile with his son. There is a nice moment in which Len and Eyline hide from the elements (it's raining hard etc) and have a moment to reflect on the past few years, how they met, how they ended up both going to war etc. It's maybe cheesy with the line delivery but I love the moment itself. They're just genuinely just grateful for each other. There is an interesting callback to a very early scene. Len is all like yeah falling in love is literally just chemical reactions (at the beginning of the story) and now he's like but staying in love that's a choice right here. And he is just genuinely so grateful that she chose to come with him. And she's just glad to be by his side through thick and thin. Guys I'm telling you, one of the couples of all time.
The war eventually ends. Len and Eyline go back home and have a cozy life for a while. They visit his parents (which again is weird in terms of historical accuracy because it wouldn't be very safe to just go to 1940s ussr but ok...). They make several plans for the future etc. Eyline is pregnant etc. Günther is staying with them and tries to find work etc (just what I was saying about them essentially adopting this kid). And everything is normal until suddenly that minor character Gus from earlier comes back with a vengeance and... out of nowhere, stabs Len when he sees him. Eyline and Günther try their best to get some help in time but Len dies and quite dramatically too. Eyline has to deal with the completely unhelpful doctors, and has to assert herself, because they don't take her seriously at all until they learn she was no ordinary doctor but a war medic veteran too. There's an extremely sad flashback/ dream sequence she gets immediately after dealing with his death, with of course the added stress of being ignored like that by the doctors etc. The following scenes are very sad too but I think I at least managed to show the mundane ways in which the characters deal with Len's absence in a meaningful way. The funeral scene is also very sad and Eyline's speech at the end is quite emotional etc. Zephyr crying over the death of his friend, too. But all is not bleak because it is during this event that Günther finally reunites with his dad, and honestly this scene is probably the most emotional of all.
The other characters move on with their lives step by step. Eyline gives birth to a daughter and raises her alone etc. Günther gets a job and takes care of his father as he ages etc. Glinda I think ends up travelling the world or some such. Zephyr reconciles with his father and continues his studies in order to become a professor. There's this moment of parallels between the old generation and the new one (and its more or less the same structure between Zephyr's friend group during the war and his dad's own friend group during the previous war, including the one of the friends dying tragically etc).
Overall assessment: in retrospective, this story was needlessly dark at times. Why kill off characters so quickly and just for shock value??? If I wrote this today I'd change many things, including never even making Gus a character in the 1st place. If Len has to die, it would be in battle. But I'd tend towards him not dying at all tbh. Because I remember quite clearly my mindset as I was writing this "it's not realistic if nobody dies, or if all main characters live". So I was equating tragedy with realism, as well as basically feeling pressured to write a sad ending to make my story more "meaningful". No man it was meaningful enough with its having a group of friends who genuinely love each other a lot, a main couple who are very loyal to each other and a father relentlessly searching for his lost son.
There is so much love and beauty in this story, and it didn't need to stoop to the common denominator of haha sad ending smart. Come on. The meaning is not in the tragedy, it's in the love. What I appreciate is that this story is by a large order of magnitude better than my first in terms of overall feel and message. The plot is more complex and interesting. It's an extremely dramatic story too. It wouldn't be a story written by me if it weren't. But it doesn't feel meaningless anymore. It still does reflect a very key flaw in my minset though, namely the believing that happy endings are too good to be true and in life you just have to get the rug pulled from under your feet just when you're the happiest. Also that happiness is unrealistic and tragedy is realistic. This is a mindset that I'm still trying to unlearn a lot, and it's obvious through the way I used to write and maybe even through the way I write now that I'm an extremely pessimistic person. But overall, this story was a beautiful one. Obviously it had its flaws. Just now I cringed at the sheer teenage way of wording my stuff. I understand that many parts are written immaturely, but hey I was literally 14-15. I love the characters first and foremost. The ideas for the plot could use some work but it's something to start from, its workable etc. I'm extremely happy I wrote this when I did.
My main inspirations were the sheer volume of war movies watched with dad as a child and teen. So any cliche present in those was here too. Also The Book Thief, my beloved!! I loved that book so so much. Generally I was quite happy at that age and I think that translated clearly into the overall tone of the work, as well as the choice of main character (very extroverted, confident, playful).
The Land of Eternal Winter (draft 1 - December 2019 - July 2020 - aged 18-19)
Anatoliy, a prince, namely the king's middle child, takes revenge for his father's death, but he kills an innocent person. This sends him completely spiraling, and he becomes desperate to fix what he did, and also to receive forgiveness from God and the people he's hurt)
Draft 1 available on deviantart and my sideblog in full (written directly in English). Main inspirations: draft 0 (yes, it's a self fanfiction as it were lmao), Hamlet, Crime and Punishment (but at the time I wrote these I basically only knew the sparknotes ver, not having read the actual books until later 2020). My mental space at that time was one of recovering from my depressive episode and finding hope, happiness, peace again etc. And also not having as many horrific intrusive thoughts and constant guilt. Especially my very recent experience with crippling guilt helped me write a guilt torn and forgiveness starved main character. 100% convinced my psyche always heavily influences my writing a lot. That's OK though. This book is very hopeful actually, not hopeless, and sends a good message. I'm currently working on rewriting this from scratch aka draft 2.
NOVELLAS AND SHORT STORIES
With the caveat that short stories is what I've been writing since the day I learned to write, buy actually even earlier because I think oral tradition counts too. As a small child, most of my storytelling was play-based, of course. In about 2009, aged 8, aka about the 2nd semester of 1st grade, I got my first notebook, on which I wrote my very first original pieces. Most of them are very very short but I want to mention a few that were more significant in my development as a future writer.
Short stories from my very first "writer notebook"
Very whimsy page long tales, usually about the "secret life of animals" (anthropomorphic bears, storks, insects and some are just random and others try to mimic a fable structure - mirroring the texts I was reading at school mostly. Many stories are blatant self inserts- a spy story which is just me and my baby brother, or one called "The Storyteller" which is about dad, which I find sweet (irl dad would always tell me and my baby brother all sorts of wacky insane stories that he just made up on the spot and we remembered them and it was a whole cinematic universe as it were). Many stories are very very very closely inspired by stuff I read or watched, like a longer story (3 pages))))) about mini planets which was a lot like Little Prince. Gradually I started doing actual fanfiction, long before I knew what that was.
Vasile Moldovenescu's life story (around 2012 - aged 11)
This was my second attempt at writing a play. It was a comedy. Basically this dude, who talks very much like a Moldovan stereotype (sorry guys I was 11 don't cancel me, love you). But Vasile, despite being seemingly dumb, is a very lovable character. He randomly runs into a pair of spies, Violeta (Romanian) and John (British), who are searching for Anonymous. Vasile is kind of clingy to them and they're annoyed at first but they let him follow along eventually. They also meet a woman only written as "the blonde" in the character list (she later introduces herself as Miruna, and she is rather stereotypical too, but not so much in the dumb sense as much as very tacky.
Vasile gets approached by his "ex" (woman he used to have a crush on) and she tells him he is literally wanted (in the way a criminal would?) in his home country. Vasile talks at lenght about his personal life, some details being inadvertently relevant, but the others assume he's just speaking nonsense. The man seemingly had a million different jobs in the past (he swears he never caused that inundation oh no! And also he is also doing translations from Chinese).
I'll take this moment to mention that John speaks fluent Romanian, but at some point another character enters the scene, tagged first as "The American", (and he later introduces himself as George; he is a fellow spy and works with John and Violeta) and he speaks in English. I was quite good at English even then lmao. George came to announce that Anonymous escaped and they have to catch him etc, with a sense of urgency.
Vasile annoys them one last time and they want to kick him to the curb, and Violeta, in a grand reveal, yells at him that they were secret agents all along. To which Vasile casually replies, oh I was in the FBI once, I have a timed bomb in my cellar btw.
Suddenly Vasile is reunited with his brother Ștefan, who he intentionally avoided all this time etc, they throw a random party (?) and play pocker etc but the brother leaves again. As if that wasn't enough, Violeta mean spiritedly tells him that if she were him she would just go far away such as Egypt, and he, with his bags already made, promptly does so. Violeta hurries to catch up with her teammates to catch Anonymous etc but suddenly receives a letter.
It is literally a letter of complaint on behalf of literally all citizens of Moldova, saying that, because of her, they lost their president, who was none other than Vasile. Curtain falls. Etc.
It is funny, especially by 11 year old standards lmao. But ofc more than that it's a charming story, because it's obviously written by a child. I had much fun rediscovering this one. I was also surprised by how much comedy I was trying to write as a child and how much I just... stopped. That says a lot about me I think.
Oh and see below for my 1st attempt at a play. Yes I did try to make my classmates act it. It didn't work out.
___
The next big step in my development as a writer was a shared imaginary universe between my boy cousins and I, which we used as a backdrop for our stick fights. So basically a sort of DnD. But the cousins only provided very basic details of the plot and their respective characters, while I actually took it very seriously and started writing actual narratives about it. My cousin called our paracosm The Immortals and he even designed an admittedly sick logo, and I kept that name. I was very into FF at the time so I was daydreaming about creating a never ending RPG game franchise. That is why the following are called just The Immortals + their respective number. Only a few have I actually completed, though I had planned like 20 entries for this franchise. At this point I barely took input from my cousins.
The Immortals 3 (summer 2013 - aged 12)
A story I wrote integrally on a sketchbook. A general, named Marshall, is sent out on some sort of rescue mission for a lost princess, which turns out to have been a scam, which annoys him very much. He is, however, stuck with the random girl he mistook for the princess, and they continue their journey together. She, named Barbara, is very much a sort of manic-pixie-dream-girl, and he very cold etc. Also I think there was quite the age gap between the two which... yeah. The two have a sort of enemies to lovers arc but not enemies, more like annoying strangers to lovers. The core conflict is less between the main couple, as between the two students (subordinates), one of them being his ally, and the other having rebelled against him and become the main villain (who lured his old mentor into a trap in the first place, and now intended to kill him). The last scene is a battle, and the heroes get injured etc but survive. The main character is like very regretful about the whole situation, feeling somewhat responsible. But other than that, he and his love interest basically live happily ever after.
The Immortals 4 (August-September 2013 - aged 12)
A stereotypical vampire story that I had very very much fun writing approximately late August - early September 2013. The story centers around a rebellious vampire prince, Vincent. His grandfather is the king, and he is evil. One day the grandfather captures a human girl, Ivy, and has her do menial tasks I guess. Vincent and Ivy have a bit of an enemies to lovers arc but again not at all enemies, they're actually each other's only allies, but in the sense of she doesn't trust him at first due to prejudice against vampires etc. He did like her from the first meeting and was kinda flirty from the start.
Anyways the two gradually become friends as they interact more. And ofc discover that they are allies against the evil grandpa. There are several "funny scenes" such as one day Ivy practices her combat skills aka shooting an arrow and Vincent volunteers to be a target - with an apple om his head. He was ofc overconfident etc. He promptly gets shot and Ivy nurses him back to health as it were, which is a bonding moment. They fall in love etc. They prepare to fight the evil grandpa but Vincent gets caught up in the sun because they didn't make it to the dark inside soon enough. So he literally burns up (not described in a gore way because I was 12 but yeah he doesn't just turn to dust but literally burn). But he dies in her arms so it's this tragic romance moment. And the sequel hook is that she has to fight the evil grandpa alone.
No I have never read twilight and at that age I think I would've actually been banned from it.
Train of thought (2015 - aged 14)
A short story in comic form, written in full on one of my sketchbooks.
This is a world in which the 4 Temperaments, as well as other categories (Pessimist, Optimist) are personified. There is more than one entity per category, and people are grouped into countries based on their category. The story starts with the Realist cynically observing the Pessimist and the Optimist waiting helplessly on the train tracks (both free, not tied up, also standing etc). The Optimist foolishly convinces himself no train will come, and the Pessimist is convinced they will die anyway so what's the point anyway. They get run over offscreen. The Realist, who is an absolutely emotionless being (he is supposed to represent Reason and is completely removed from and opposed to Emotion), so his reaction to seeing those two killed right before him looks like indifference, although he pities them (though with a bit of an attitude of superiority).
He was called to sort things out between the Temperaments, who have some level of international conflict. Specifically Choleric and Sanguine aren't allied anymore and are in some sort of conflict. Realist sides with Choleric and helps him rationalise the whole situation. Choleric comes to his senses and sorts things out with Sanguine and reconciles with her etc.
The problem is that the seemingly extremely rational Realist has been hearing voices all this time, and they grow louder and louder, and suddenly this world doesn't seem real anymore. The scene shifts immediately. It's a hospital room, and a man with the same physical appearance as Realist is in the hospital bed, looking as if having suffered a grave accident. The voice echoing is now clear: it was his wife calling him by his name, Richard, name that he doesn't recognise because he lost his memory due to his head injury.
Once awoken, he learns several shocking news regarding what had happened. The train he was on got derailed, causing a devastating accident. He is suddenly curious to know the other patients in the hospital (which is full of the injured from said accident). He meets at least 4 people with whom he is able to communicate and learn more about what happened. Those are Cole (the Choleric), Sandy (the Sanguine), Melvin (the Melancholic) and Felicia (the Phlegmatic). All four were businesspeople heading to a meeting in which to discuss the relationship between their respective businesses and negotiate trade etc etc.
Richard talks the most to Cole, with whom he is both annoyed, due to his abrasive attitude, but also gets along with eventually, finding a lot in common. Richard also gets a lot of information about everything, but is unable to actually remember it, which frustrates him. Richard falls asleep/ unconscious again and dreams the continuation of the same dream. The Choleric gets shot by somebody trying to overthrow the current government, but doesn't die. Despite the controversy, he once again allies with Sanguine. The Realist doesn't find his place in this world. Richard wakes up. He doesn't find his place in the real world either, with his not remembering anything, except the facts others tell him, which he has to take at face value.
During the following days he befriends the other patients and learns about their lives too. For example, Cole and Sandy were actually together but had a fight about something. Of course now that it was a life vs death situation, they put aside their differences. Richard himself finally gets his memory back when he remembers his wife, Sophia (who also appeared as a constant background character in the dreams too). She is very happy to have him back as it were, but she leaves eventually, in order to let him rest.
This time Richard cannot dream anymore and instead is plagued by (traumatic) memories. He remembers exactly what happened during the day of the accident. His co-workers (and friends, who in the dream appeared as the Optimist and the Pessimist) had actually died right then and there, in a thoughtless attempt to escape. This memory disturbed him a lot. He also remembered having interacted with all 4 of the survivors (that he had talked with at lenght) while on that train ride, as they were seated very close one to another and they even exchanged some words, enabling him to make a first impression of them (and explaining why he even dreamt about them too - for example in real life Richard directly saw how Cole was injured).
The next day they even watch the news and see that the accident is still being discussed. The others, such as Sandy, have other concerns however, such as Cole being rushed to the emergency room again (I'm not good at medicine and was even more so at 14 but bear with me) because his injury either got infected or there was some internal bleeding etc. Although the scene is kind of dramatic, he survives and makes a recovery.
All of them heal from their wounds over time, and, having become friends during this time of hardship, keep in touch etc. Richard ponders upon his tendency to judge people based on first impressions and stereotypes etc etc. Eventually he too goes home, happy to reunite with his wife.
My main inspirations include Inside out which I just saw recently at that time and was very normal about, thank you very much. I was interested in stuff about personality types and read a lot about it (and did every test out there lmao - yes MBTI too - I always get different stuff between INTJ, ENTJ, INFJ, ENFJ so for me it's not accurate but its fun as a concept). The actual starting point for my writing it was this dark joke I heard at the time: in a tunnel, the Optimist sees the light at the end, the Pessmist sees the dark, the Realist sees the train lights, and the train conductor sees 3 idiots on the train tracks. So yeah hearing that joke + my "psychology phase" at the time made me go into a several day writing binge. Ah those are always fun. I get struck by an idea and come back with a fully formed short story.
(Unnamed) - what I now call draft 0 (may 2019 - aged 18)
The first story I wrote after my hiatus/ writer's block/ mental health break. 14 handwritten A4 pages so I'd say... 5k-7k words?? As an estimate.
A young, Elena, princess falls in love with her servant, Kęstas, who secretly turns out to have been a foreign prince all along. The two run away together from her dictatorial brother, the king Anatoliy. Once in the forest, Elena learns the truth about Kęstas, namely that her brother killed his parents, conquered his country and took him prisoner. The two get married in secret, but they cannot hide forever so they return, backed by the people, who revolt. Elena also frees her older sister, Svetlana, the rightful monarch, and they remove Anatoliy from power, sending him into exile. They reunite years later, Anatoliy now a humbled pig farmer. His older kneels to hug him, showing her forgiveness towards him. He sincerely apologises, saying he had been a madman.
The sole inspiration for this was the Hetalia fanfic A Blend of White and Red by SweetVerses (on ffn) that I read in April or may 2019 and it changed my brain chemistry. I was obsessed especially with the winter vibes and tried my best to emulate that. I rewrote the fic as a royal AU as it were, added some other details until it was my own thing and boom. Narratively satisfying ending too. That was certainly very procrastination fueled + inspiration of the moment. But it had been years since I'd last written a full story, and since I had allowed myself to just write without being perfect, so writing this was the single most liberating writing experience of my entire life.
Available on my sideblog but it's handwriting only so I summarised the complete plot here.
The Keeper of the Underwater Graveyard (2023 - aged almost 22)
My most recent piece of writing + most recent feverish writing binge. 20k words.
Žadgailas, a young merman, is treated as if he is a demigod, ruling over the sea and the dead buried in it, but he begins to doubt this and tries to learn the truth. He is very fascinated by the human world above, which he first ever visits on his 15th birthday, meeting a human girl, Lærke, to whom he swears he will never forget her and even search for her again. The two remain loyal to the other, eventually having to suport the other in finding some horrific truths.
Since this was written directly in English and is very available to read, I won't spoil anything else. The main inspirations are Eglė Queen of Serpents and The Little Mermaid, although I changed quite a lot and idk how much it can even be considered a retelling. But I was in a combination of extreme inspiration and extreme procrastination so I just cranked this in like a week. Oh well it happens to the best of us. I think it's a beautiful story in its own right but I think I'm going to inevitably find it flawed soon but oh well.
FANFICTION
I will first say that I've been writing fanfiction since the very beginning. I'm not sure which was first. I scrapped a lot of stuff I did as a tween, because in my early teens I was embarrassed of it, but now I really regret it. During about 2009-2010 I wrote one of my 1st fanfics, namely a Transformers (the Michael Bay one) rewrite + prequel + sequel. Told oh so so dramatically, but also kinda ironically. And a spin-off. I especially insisted upon the sibling rivalry dynamic between Skits and Mudflap... childhood blorbos lmao. I was also doing a lot of comic format fanfics, namely various scenes with Mario characters. One I loved very much but I can never find again, namely their playing football with FF1 characters. And another I even forgot the plot but at the time I was so so excited with it I could literally recite it to my brother.
The coolest adventure of Mario (2011-2012 ish? - aged 10-11)
My very first attempt at writing a play. Mario characters in a mega crossover with other characters, including Lego Ninjago, Transformers, Sonic etc. Peach and Daisy meet in a high-school setting and become friends. They are the popular girls. Kai (ninjago) gets in a fight with Bowser. Mario meets Kirby etc.
Peach throws a party and the villain characters aren't invited etc. The Paper Mario villains show up, as well as the fanon ones. Shadow Queen kidnaps Peach. Mario and Luigi learn of this and go save them etc.
Now the characters being in a more peace time, they go swimming at a water park. Another time they dress up as mafia guys (that one paper Mario thing etc). They compete in the Olympics etc.
But their fun doesn't last because the villains come for revenge so all the heroes team up, but the villains even brought Megatron??? Rosalina appears to help them out at some point. And they use all skills and tools from before, and all characters show up and contribute etc which I find cool. Setup payoff + that's what crossovers are for. Also Optimus casually destroys Megatron with a bazooka. Mario and Peach kiss , curtain falls etc. + party montage lmao.
I took this so so seriously. I did cast my classmates. Really did want to organise this. Some wanted to participate, others backed down. I casted myself as peach and my crush as Mario. The guy was creeped out at the last scene. A lot of kids already thought I was weird so. But hey at the time I did have the guts to straight up write a fanfic play and force my classmates to act in it lmao.
Unnamed FF13 fanfic (late 2012-early 2013 - aged 11-12)
Various retellings of Final Fantasy plots and characters. First one with White Mage and Black Mage from FF1 (as per that game with a Mario crossover). I shipped them a lot frrrr. My blorbos. Basically fluff + Mario crossover. Also a bunch of random drama.
The FF13 again mostly a retelling, but also mostly ship focused. A lot of Lightning + Hope (yeah bro I get it that it's problematic and nowadays I cringe at myself, but I didn't at the time) especially as per FF13-2 etc, a lot of them involving Lightning dying etc. Very dramatic overall. I scrapped a lot of it like legit ripped the pages, cut them up etc.
In my very dramatic phase, which translates into the type of story I liked to write. See my first original novel.
01&02 (2015 - aged 14)
Vocaloid fanfiction in comic form, all on my sketchbook. 50+ pages of comic pages of my longest running comic ever.
The Vocaloids are sentient robots living alongside humans. Rin remembers how she and Len were made by the same inventor a long time ago, and he gave them hearts, metaphorically speaking, as in made them sentient. This was later applied to all Vocaloids.
Fast forward much time later. They live their lives normally, being mostly preoccupied with their performance arts (singing + acting). Many vocaloid songs are reinterpreted as plays they perform, but some get integrated into the main plot. The robots are regularly maintained by the humans, and got them out of trouble etc. These humans were descendants of the original scientists (several generations down the line).
Rin is a gamer/ streamer and makes several online friends, including getting herself a boyfriend (a human tech nerd). But they eventually break up and it ends up badly down the line. In the meantime, Len has a crush on Miku, but she is seemingly more interested in Kaito etc. They even play in several plays together though (like Servant of Evil etc). At some point Miku is also with the same guy Rin used to be with and again it's not good for her etc. However, over time, Len and Miku get along increasingly better, and collaborate on some song/ ad (SPL) and Miku realises she likes him too etc so they get together too.
At this point the story seems like it's mostly romance drama but suddenly they realise something is wrong. The human guy was never so much interested in actual dating as much as gathering data. Now that he had all his resources, he created a virus that affected the vocaloids quite irreparably. It was quite slow acting, however. The human scientists try to find solutions but they don't really manage, despite their best efforts.
Len, Miku, Rin and the others spend a lot of time together like before, but are now more aware of their mortality as it were. Miku one day starts to feel the actual effects of the virus when her voice cracks and it's this shocking emotional moment etc. Len and Miku get married etc and this again is this emotional scene etc. Miku legit just dies. And soon enough every single one of them is infected with the virus with no hope of a cure and they kind of just die one by one. The humans are helpless to find solutions. And the vocaloids are just devastated at their newfound sense of mortality + loss of their friends.
Len dies too, and this affects Rin a lot. She knows she will die quite soon, too, so she sets out on an existential journey. She finally finds the place where her inventor first made her and Len. She looks through his old papers and computers etc, with no hope of finding a cure. She locates her "father's" grave and contemplates her life, the memories she formed with her friends, the miracle of having had this Heart, as well as appreciating life, as she feels closer and closer to death. She falls off her feet, on the ground, next to the graves, but she is smiling and seemingly shedding a small tear.
My main inspirations were: vocaloid songs: Kokoro + the Disappearance of Hatsune Miku, and also a film I saw as a kid about a robot who got more and more human organs until he became human and died. Permanently changed my brain chemistry etc (I loved that movie despite at the time being terrified of robots). I spent like all summer writing and drawing this fanfic, and had great great fun. Literally unrestrained summer fun.
Frozen Parody (april 2016- aged 15)
Frozen retelling as a modern ice skating competition. Comedy/ satire. Only like 10 comic pages so quite short.
Elsa is a child prodigy in ice skating, earning the title of the Ice Queen. However, she has a strained relationship with her sister Anna because of a childhood accident caused by her negligence. While ice skating, Anna broke her back (?) and remained paralysed from the neck down.
Now as adults, they are more independent etc. Elsa runs away to her castle which is actually a private hotel (??) .
Hans is introduced as a "villain" but only in the sense that he's a direct competitor and maybe overly confident that he will win/ a huge sore loser. His main characteristic is not being in power and manipulating others into thinking he's a nice guy, instead being characterised by over competitiveness. He and Anna are in a relationship, but it's very short lived because Anna herself is quite flighty (immature, indecisive) about relationships in general. She almost immediately gets with Kristoff after breaking up with Hans, which makes the latter very jealous.
Desperate to win the contest (as well as maybe out of petty revenge??) Hans cheats by creating a hidden hole in the ice. During the competition, it is Anna who falls in, Elsa having to jump in the cold water to save her (as Anna absolutely cannot swim etc). The day is thus saved. Hans is disqualified from the competition altogether.
Quick flash forward to the future, Anna and Kristoff are married, Elsa happy for them etc. They live at the Ice Hotel (r) (hotel firm owned by Elsa). I just found the notebook at man it's a bit of a mean satire but one joke that stands out is that the trolls (love experts) are refered to as Kristoff's doctor-therapist-fortuneteller parents. I think that should set the tone for how this story is like.
Yeah I was in my "Frozen is cringe and for kids" phase I guess. Ok though but nowadays I like it unironically. No need to mock it lmao. But I'll say only one thing. I gave Hans a more believable motivation in this spoof fanfic than the actual movie lmao.
Do you know what it feels like? (July 2019 - aged 18)
Hetalia human AU, mostly a LietBel ship fic. 14k words.
Two lonely and miserable people meet and think they can fix each other, which temporarily seems to work but it ultimately leads to a very toxic place. Available on my deviantart, ffn and tumblr, so not giving away more of the plot.
I wrote this right in between writing draft 0 and starting outlining draft 1, which was a nice breather (as well as a nice writing binge - I got this out in the span of about 2-3 weeks). I had just read seemingly all fanfic of this ship on ffn (not a lot of it) and was struck by an Idea so I had to write it down as fast as possible. I was in a good place at the time (was writing this in the week before and the one after I got baptised, and I was finally in the summer vacation after a brutal school year namely 11th grade). I think that this reflects in the fact of my writing a story with an optimistic ending, and, while very dramatic because it wouldn't be written by me if it weren't, still full of wholesome moments etc.
UNFINISHED/ ONGOING/ PARTIAL/ ABANDONED
NOVELS
Love is a Choice (summer/autumn 2017- abandoned sometime during mid/late 2018?? - aged 16-17)
My 3rd novel, but it never saw the light of day. It was supposed to be a Christian Victorian romance novel. I only wrote the first 2-3 chapters + a lot of disconnected scenes, outlines (redoing those outlines many times), research sheets etc, concept art etc.
The plot takes place in 1845, in a unnamed town in southern England, not very far from London. The main character is one Ernest, a 30 year old bachelor, the youngest son of a family from the lower nobility/ gentry (so upper middle class to upper class). He is made to marry a certain Jeannine, who comes from a seemingly poorer family but otherwise of significant aristocratic origin (her grandfather was a French marquis but fled France in 1793 due to very obvious reasons). Jeannine was 25 I think and her family was rushing her to get married too etc. Anyway they end up married despite being strangers etc. Ernest is a very neurotic individual, with a clear perfectionistic tendency and general "weird" aura about him. Jeannine is herself very shy and introverted (especially in comparison to her twin sister Georgette), but otherwise a much more relaxed person in comparison to Ernest. He is nerdy and he likes building mechanical stuff like cuckoo clocks etc and Jeannine has more artistic leanings.
Now the main plot was supposed to be their falling in love etc but try as I might I literally couldn't... write anything in the middle, at least not the main plot. There was zero actual chemistry between the two aside from my drawing cute art of them. But I wrote very extensively about the side characters which there were many of. Ernest had several servants, all of which had their own backstory, personality etc, and all of them got along with him very nicely. The main housekeeper/ admin was his old nanny, who just so happened to also be a French immigrant with a sad backstory like Jeannine's grandpa etc. She never had children of her own, but basically adopted Ernest. (The idea here is that Ernest's family was quite bad actually. The mom and dad hated each other. Ernest was never loved by his mother, despite that not being the case with his older siblings, and their father was very absent etc). The cook was married to the gardner, and there was also another couple among them (one of the maids and the stable keeper I think??). The cook's apprentice is an orphan teen that got taken under their wing (Ernest is a teacher figure to her, but he didn't adopt her etc). Generally the household is kind of a found family which is very wholesome. This is meant to contrast the tense situation of Ernest's biological family.
He also has a close friend, Jasper, who is a small business owner (he has an antique shop and I think that's actually how the two met because Ernest was trying to recondition an old clock and looking for parts). He has a wife Gabrielle (you guessed it - also French - I genuinely spent a lot of time researching every detail and yes apparently in the 1st half of the 19th century, it was not uncommon for there to be French immigrants in England, with the French Rebolution + subsequent revolutions + religious persection of the Huguenots) who is a seamstress. (OK now that I mentioned my very specific real world details that I included because I did some research: I imagined Gabrielle was raised Catholic and her parents gave her quite a hard time for having married a Protestant and herself having converted etc. Jeannine and her family I imagined to have been Huguenots - which are basically just Calvinists. Ernest I imagined to be a member of a Reformed Baptist church (at the time it was called Particular Baptist), despite not having been raised that way and ofc, that's just one more thing that his parents would give him trouble for. Given the time + location + already mentioned details, you can safely 100% imagine Ernest would attend Spurgeon's sermons in person).
Ernest had 3 older siblings, two brothers and a sister. The oldest, William, was 40 years old, had a wife Sophia and 5 kids. He was the owner of a factory and very financially successful, but, not unlike his father, was much more caught up in work rather than family etc. He also hung out the wrong kinds of company (doing gambling I think??) and was very much a smoking addict. At some point in the story his health takes a turn for the worse (he faints at some point and he fears that he is developing a heart problem, which scares him back to his senses as it were. He has his come-to-Jesus moment, and then tries to reconcile with his wife and children etc. There's even a montage in which he tries to become healthier so he runs around to lose weight or whatever). The other brother, Frederick, is 38 and is also married, to one Olivia, with whom he has 2 or 3 children I don't remember. He is a believer but his wife is not and that's the beginning of their conflict, but at some point she actually just... cheats on him with some dude. Undergoes a full on Hosea + Gomer arc (and quite explicitly based on that mind you). She realises that the lover she ran away with actually wants to harm her etc so she runs home to her husband, literally in rags etc. And of course he forgives her etc. The sister, Amelia, is 36 and she actually lives far away from the other siblings because she married a northerner. They also have several kids etc, and among all of the siblings, Amelia has the happiest marriage. She was meant to be the good example to the others as it were. During childhood, she was the closest to Ernest, the brothers being rather bullies to him (during adulthood their relationship improved however). The mother was very miserable and bitter despite living a life of comfort and luxury. The father was suffering from some sort of terminal disease (I imagined something like stomach cancer and yes I did google whether they knew cancer was a thing back then - turns out they did but ofc the only solution was to physically remove the tumour by surgery and hope they got it all out basically). The father had also been a very bad parent but now that he was closer to death he was reflecting on his life and feeling regretful etc.
Jeannine's family was much more normal. She had a twin sister, Georgette, who was also unmarried etc (but for some reason nobody rushed to find her a high-class match???) but at some point she falls in love with a gardner/ farmer guy and marries him. The parents were in a good relationship, and were reasonable in the way they raised their daughters. They had no other children aside from them (due to how complicated it was to give birth to twins??). I was undecided in my outlines whether to write the grandpa as still alive or not. Either way he would've been quite elderly at this point. His name was Yves and he ran away because of the Revolution, only fleeing once the king had died (he was very loyal etc). Jeannine's dad was his youngest child (or second to youngest - he had a large family) and he was raised in England his whole life.
Anyway, eventually Ernest and Jeannine fall in love and are finally more of a real couple etc. Part of what drew her to him was the closeness with his servants, and how by being Mistress of the household, she got to be part of this large family too. Most of Ernest's internal conflict was like "this woman I was forced to marry is objectively a good person in every single way but I still can't force myself to fall in love - am I in the wrong here and am I a terrible person for this etc? And he was generally very very very overthinking. Very perfectionistic. Also spending a lot of time feeling guilty over stuff and yeah. More on that later.
The big twist at the end, when Ernest's dad dies (and has a deathbed conversion), is that the reason Ernest was so marginalised as a child is because he was actually his mother's illegitimate son. His "dad" was resentful towards him because his wife cheated on him etc, and his mom hated him because he was a living reminder of her "helpless condition" (cannot just run away with her lover but has to raise child while still living with the husband she despises). However, re: deathbed conversion, Ernest's dad apologises to him and reconciles with him. Some time after the death, Ernest finds that he actually not only is part of the inheritance, but got an equal part to his siblings.
That's where the story ended, and the sequel hook was Ernest finding his biological father etc. On my sketchbooks I drew many scenes etc. But many were of the next generation as it were. The adventures of Ernest and Jeannine's children (4 of them: Alexander, the responsible eldest son, Ada, the rebellious daughter, Justin, also a kind of rebellious son, and Irene, the very sweet daughter. Alexander ended up getting married to Edith, one of Jasper's daughters. She had a crush on him since childhood etc. Irene, maybe by virtue of being the youngest, was closest to her parents. Justin, after finally becoming a responsible adult, got into Law school. Ada, after sorting out her vicious sibling rivalry with Alex, as well as becoming a responsible adult etc, got into journalism. She married a young widower and single father Frank, who ran an independent newspaper. Everybody kind of gets paired off together in some way. Justin is revealed to be the grandfather of Zephyr, from my 2nd novel. Talk about literary universe. Ernest builds a school whose principal he becomes etc. He teaches maths and physics, Jeannine teaches French and History (and over time they get more teachers to hire).
Aside from the unending family trees, the sequel gets very depressing very fast, as all beloved characters just die off one by one. William dies of a heart attack when he is in his mid 50s (despite all the changes he made to better his health??!!!), with a very emotional and gut wrenching scene in which his wife laments how others only find it tragic when a recently married wife gets widowed, but one that was married for 30 years, not so much, despite hurting her much more to know she lost the one she spent 3 decades with. Frederick dies in an accident (gets thrown by his horse). Ernest, now himself middle-aged, with his children grown up (some of them as I said rebellious in their youths, which makes him feel like a bad parent), and both his brothers dead etc, falls into a very deep depression out of which nobody can take him out, not even his beloved wife etc. There is this very dark scene in which he faints due to burnout from how much he had been over working himself, and Jeannine finds him unconscious on the floor etc. But due to how absolutely hopeless and miserable he had acted lately, Jeannine just immediately jumps to the conclusion that he committed suicide, which everybody else believes until Ernest himself wakes up to explain was not the case as he only just fainted after having been awake for several days in a row. He eventually heals after spending some time by the sea and relaxing from his work etc. But I never found a satisfying ending to the sequel. Is that all? Everybody is dead and Ernest doesn't get along with his family anymore? He only barely gets over his depression by hanging out by the sea for a bit?
And this is the moment where I analyse this from a meta perspective. It's almost embarrassing to what degree Ernest's development over the year that I wrote this mirrored my own mental state. At first, I focused on his attention to moral integrity - good! I too was trying to be good. Then I focused on his perfectionism, and guilt. He was feeling guilty for not being able to force himself to fall in love. He was very strict with every detail of his life - in one scene he rearranges his entire library because a book is out of order. Even though he literally commits absolutely no sin whatsoever during the entire narrative, he still acts so guilty like WHYYYY. Why make a character who is morally impeccable but still has the behaviour of one guilty for existing. Oh well he did have a bit of that illegitimate child complex but he didn't even know he was illegitimate until the end so like??? But now in retrospective I'm like oh. Oh. I was very well behaved, unnaturally well behaved for a 17 year old, and still felt the weight of the world with how guilty I felt all the time. I was dealing with horrific intrusive thoughts on the daily, on the hourly basically. I suppose I was aware even then that my Protagonist was basically me in many ways. But I never even allowed him bad thoughts!!! Not even a tiny little "but what if I just stabbed somebody" and have him react in horror or whatever. Which would've explained his guilty attitude etc. But no that's not clean enough for a Christian romance. Yes in hindsight I censored myself a lot in order to fit into that label. Very squeaky clean. No real conflict aside from the side characters who were interesting because they were allowed to have flaws and an actual character arc. But then I started getting art block. Writer's block. My head was literally empty. Except it was very full of all sorts of bad thoughts. But it was empty of my usual ideas etc. I began finding no purpose much less pleasure in my otherwise extremely treasured hobbies. When I did "get inspiration", it was to ruin my main character's happy ever after, make his siblings die tragically, his family life become dramatic and divided, and him be miserable, depressed, overworked and with a middle age crisis, and contemplating suicide. Although he didn't even do that. It would be too inappropriate. So he just fainted from exhaustion I guess. I wrote that scene in December 2017. And then in 2018 didn't manage to come up with much new. I stagnated completely, and almost completely stopped writing and drawing altogether. As you might already know 2018 was the worst year of my life. So it's no wonder I was literally unable to create anything. Sometimes I get sad when I look at my folders and see stuff like 2016 (70 items) 2017 (60 items) 2018 (30 items) 2019 (50 items) etc. Like the decline is so obvious and I know why. But at least, as that "if you have art block that's your brain trying to tell you to do studies", while my original stuff was plummeting, I have some genuine bangers in terms of studies from the summer of 2018.
Overall, the story was supposed to be heartwarming but ended up depressing. It does have all the blueprints to be a beautiful and uplifting one though! The love between characters is still palpable. It only needed to be more real ie not so censored that the main character literally has no flaws, and more of a conflict. Also the sequel was just literally me ruining the source material so I would completely scrap that or at least change it a lot. I'm sometimes very emotional about this unfinished novel. Oh, it was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Its development mirrors my mental state at the time quite accurately. One day I wish to rewrite this. Maybe when I get all my existential questions sorted out, and being more mature I am able to look back at all of this and make sense of it. But I would make it a less squeaky clean story too. I would make Ernest have serious questions about his faith, not this lowkey legalistic lifestyle being treated as "just being a good Christian, let's not ask many questions etc".
The main inspirations were all those period drama films where the woman is married to a husband she isn't in love with so she cheats on him with somebody she is in love with. Trying my absolute best to go the opposite direction of that. Had been reading the Rose of Versailles manga at the time + watching a lot of period dramas. Inspirations from the history I read etc.
NOVELLAS/ SHORT STORIES
The Hacker (October 2013 - with the last additions during spring 2016 - aged 12-15)
A movie script idea I had been writing on and off.
The main premise is a hacker (for whatever reason) trying to create a virus that infects the whole Internet, but one day he passes out in exhaustion in front of his computer and suddenly finds himself in the virtual world. Every app has a human form etc.
The main character, villain-protagonist is a guy named Hans, and the antagonist, arguably a more moral individual, is the mysterious Mr. G. The latter is supposed to be a representation of the entire Internet but a later reveal is that everybody in that virtual world is an isekai'd actual human. And the elusive Mr. G? Is Hans's programmer neighbour, Gerhard. (At first I chose Hans' name arbitrary but then I decided this is actually taking place in Germany because one of the songs I was listening to a lot for inspiration was Berlin by the Piano Guys).
In the virtual world, the virus created by Hans took actual form (it was a black goo/ wave that engulfed everything it touched, destroying it. Whatever it touched, started glitching green then black 0s and 1s, making the characters turn to dust not unlike in infinity war + endgame). The problem was that Mr. G and the others were basically convinced that if they got infected by the virus they would get killed irl too. Said Mr G had two children (teens - the girl representing social media and the boy representing video platforms). Over the course of the story, they both get engulfed by the virus, basically dying. The boy, right before his father's eyes, and the girl, right before Hans' eyes, and he is helpless to stop it, although he had made the virus in the first place. The scene of confrontation between Mr. G and Hans (which I wrote in 2016) hits extremely hard. The rage I drew on his face, as well as the sorrow like man... and if you think about it yeah, this dude really killed Mr. G's children...
At any rate both remember their lives back in the real world (in an early version there was a memory room which showed their flashbacks in video format). Gerhard was a single dad, his wife having left him for whatever reason (mostly to do with his workaholic tendencies). Hans had a girlfriend too and she does make an appearance in the virtual world too, as a sort of mercenary figure (she kind of opposes Hans but not really. She tries to help Mr. G's daughter too but with no success). At the very end, the virus spreads so far that almost everything is destroyed. Mr. G is dying (literally fading away) and shares some last words with Hans. He dies immediately afterwards too.
The two wake up back in the real world, their respective computers not only completely ruined, but literally on fire too. Thankfully, their death in the virtual world doesn't translate into their death irl. But the two still are in danger because the apartments caught fire and they have to escape etc. They make it out alive and mostly uninjured. Gerhard reunites with his children (and his ex is there too, to tell him he cannot look after the kids etc but that gets solved too). Hans goes to prison etc. However, fortunately, it is clear to him that Gerhard finally forgave him. It is implied Hans will get out eventually and resume his life etc, and they'll be friends etc.
The main inspirations were (movies that I had watched for the 1st time in my life at the age of 12 and literally had my mind blown) the Matrix + Inception. I already mentioned the song Berlin by the Piano Guys being used as inspiration etc. And most importantly, because I wouldn't have started writing it if it weren't for reading those, two short stories I read in a Romanian Christian magazine for college students from the early 2000s. One of them was about hacking and the other was about a college student metaphorically rotting away in his dorm room for decades, which to me seemed both horrifying but also a great source of inspiration for the "darker tone" I was going for with my story.
It is unfinished in the sense that I never actually sat down and wrote the script itself. But I finalised the outline back in 2016 so...
Fairy worldbuilding project (starting 2017 ish - aged 16)
Not much of a story but I loved doing worldbuilding. There are fairies who are based on several insects, and each species has a country, its Queen etc. Butterflies are considered frivolous etc but they carry the textile industry. Bees are the hardworking ones etc - food industry. Flies, Moths and Fireflies are nocturnal so they hold meetings at odd hours in order to adjust to the timezone of the others. Ie international meeting between Butterflies and Moths: 10 am but its very early for the Butterfly and very late for the Moth etc. Ladybugs!!! Just all bugs basically fall here. Including scarabs which are like super buff. Actual bugs are stereotyped as dirty etc. Flies are kinda tricksters etc. They get along ish but not really.
The plot if it had one would be internal political conflict in the Butterfly Kingdom. The Queen refuses to step down and let her niece rule. Matriarchal society etc. The Butterfly Queen rules over the others Kingdoms as well etc so it's kind of an Empire. But Ants for example, being mostly terrestrial and wingless, are separate.
This mostly makes sense by looking at the actual artwork. Not much else here. Ongoing forever maybe, it's just for fun. My baby cousins loved watching me draw these.
VAGUE IDEAS
NOVELS
Yet unnamed (January 2023 - aged almost 22)
I wish to rewrite that fanfiction Do you know what it feels like? as an original piece.
NOVELLAS/ SHORT STORIES
Many ideas throughout 2016-2019 but ofc not only.
Untitled medieval story (summer 2019 - aged 18)
Arranged marriage between a prince and a princess. They don't get along at first but eventually fall in love. He was a bit arrogant at first but got better. He had some scars from smallpox as a child etc which is how she gets him to talk about his backstory. He even gets wounded in battle at some point, and by that point she already cared about him etc etc.
In Memoriam (2020/2021 ish - aged 19-20)
A story from the perspective of an old woman seeing her whole life before her eyes. She faints/ almost dies of a heart attack when she looks at the 21 December 1989 memorial, and has a lot of flashbacks in chronological order or not. We learn that she was fervently loyal to the communist party and there seems to be feeling subconsciously guilty over something. The rest would be a spoiler - I genuinely want to write this one day.
I want this to be part of a volume for other short stories, Red Shadows, all in some way related to Romanian communist or post-communist history, all of the characters being at least tangentially connected in some way, thereby unifying the narratives within the volume.
FANFICTION
Untitled (2016/2017 ish - aged 15-16)
A Derpy and Dr. Whooves ship fanfic. Basically combining a human AU with the Pony world. The two meet irl, him being a time traveller, fall in love etc, start a family, but the interdimensional police eventually come after him and catch him, forcibly separating the two. She ends up in the pony world and spends many years there, raising Dinky etc. But one day she manages to reach an interdimensional warp zone and find her long lost husband etc but the police kill him. Thankfully by now she already knew to operate time travel tech so she rewinds time etc before he gets shot and by a combo of time stops, also redirects the bullets etc. They manage to escape from them forever, and live happily etc.
I wish I had written this when I first thought of it, but I basically just daydreamt it and left it.
Betrayed (2018 ish - aged 17)
A Hans fanfic (Frozen) which recontectualises his villain turn not as a random thing neither as a planned thing, but as him going insane from so much betrayal during his lifetime. He tells Anna if only there were somebody to love you not to be cruel, but to make a bitter jab at the fact that he believes her to be cheating on him with Kristoff. Basically Anna's engagement song is taken seriously and not as a joke and Hans is like how can you abandon me so fast etc. He does succumb to madness as it were etc and the events go down and he gets imprisoned etc see the Frozen fever short. So the story would end tragically with him catching some sort of disease, a literal deadly fever, and some nurse being the last person he sees. For a brief moment he remembers the good times with Anna and as he lay dying he calls her name. The nurse, for the sake of comforting a dying man, pretends to recognise him etc and tells him some encouraging words etc. He dies but kind of imagining a more happy version of events in which he just happened to fall sick but at least he saw his fiancee during his last moments.
I did make myself cry with this concept lmao but I never sat down to write it.
The Red Plague (2019 - aged 18)
Hetalia historical fanfic. There is a mysterious lab disease called the red plague. Russia is the first to get sick etc. The plague is supposed to mirror the spread of communism etc and the symptoms are supposed to be both physical but especially psychological, the other characters being horrified at how much their friends chanted for the worse etc.
Yet untitled (january 2023 - aged almost 22)
Maybe I will try that Hamlet with a happy ending lmao why not. I should at least try
____
Of course, there are so so many more stories I have not included, especially the older ones. I will update this every now and again. I hope you enjoy this. I will post pictures too. This masterpost is merely an introduction.
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200 Follower Event
Remember how I said I was gonna do a 100 follower event on my birthday month or so? Anyways I hit 200 followers recently so looks like I'm doubling what I planned to do since I would've done a coining event for both milestones lol. So this event has gone from being one week to two weeks.
Week 1 || Week 2
WEEK 1:
Day 1, September 21st:
Owls
Day 2, September 22nd:
The Color Purple
Day 3, September 23rd:
Outer Space
Day 4, September 24th:
Corvids
Day 5, September 25th:
The Color Black
Day 6, September 26th:
Black Holes, Nebulae
Day 7, September 27th:
Alternative Fashion
Week 2:
Day 8, September 28th:
Heavy Rain
(or rain/thunderstorms in general)
Day 9, September 29th:
Forests
Day 10, September 30th:
-Core Aesthetic(s)
(any of the "core aesthetics" like Poolcore, Cringecore, Angelcore, etc.)
Day 11, October 1st:
Indie Video Games
Day 12, October 2nd:
Punk, Scene, (Midwest) Emo
Day 13, October 3rd:
Nighttime
(The time of day)
Day 14, October 4th:
LOZ (Legend Of Zelda), The Sims, Minecraft
Anyways I'm doing a coining event based on things I like, hyper fixate on, consider myself to be, etc.
Anyone can take part, you don't need to do each day, you can choose one of the things listed on days where there's a comma/multiple things listed, and you can add onto each day/term if you wish. (Such as coining a gender relating to owls, flying, forests, etc. for day 1)
These also don't have to be genders, you can also coin orientations, alterhuman terms, and any other kinda term you normally coin.
Feel free to tag me in anything you coin for this event! I'll likely reblog terms people coin as long as I see it lol. I'm only really posting this right now to allow folks to prepare things, so giving a week in advance. (I would've done more time in advance but I literally just remembered I was gonna do this so, sorry. You can coin things late if you want.) I don't have a special tag for this event so you can just call it Beast's Coining Event or something.
Tagging some mutuals for spread (Hi, I don't usually tag anyone but coining event so): @forestcoric-mogai-fox @candlelit-mogai @silentfoxproductions @epikulupu @eccentric-kalki-talde
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no literally I think about the if stories like ALL the time. I think one of the big advantages of having a story where time travel can happen is that the side stories reveal so much about who the characters could have been if things went a little differently. one of re:zero's biggest themes is the way identity is informed by both the choices you make and the people you meet, and it's strangely fitting that both subaru and emilia are at all times disturbingly close to a breaking point. you really get to see how fragile both their identities are and especially how bad subaru can be when he's at his worst. it reveals so much about both of them
YEAH NO FOR REAL THE WHAT:IF STORIES ARE SO GOOD FOR THAT EXACT REASON
like. okay i know that theres a marvel "what if" series and im not ragging on it but a lot of the concepts for it based on what i know are totally random scenarios, which can be good fun, but i feel like the way re:zero handles the what:if stories as dark routes the characters could have EASILY gone down if subaru didnt make the "right" choice in that arc so much more interesting. especially w how theyre combined w the sin he learned to overcome within himself and how those themes end up relating back to the story even if theyre not in the main route... if anything its closer to like, you know, video game routes! the whole "return by death" thing is already sort of a dark twist on the respawn mechanic lol. but like in the way that theyre "canon" but not actually the one true route, the events in them are still equally important to the story and the characters. theyre not just aus because they matter thematically. (well, most of them, butterfly dream doesnt count since it was written as a joke before the author knew what he wanted the "what:if" series to be and i think its since been discontinued as the "canon" lust:if)
ill say i was a bit disappointed with this years april fools story to that end though since we didnt get a proper what:if and instead just a genderbend of arc 1- i understand that maybe its not quite the time for one yet but a genderbend is so boring to me because its the exact same scenario but with pronouns flipped, and arc 1 isnt even a particularly fun arc on reread (we're ALREADY introduced to the world! we dont need a reintroduction to Reinhard With Boobs). oh well its not actually a big deal at the end of the day its just mildly disappointing.
but i do think its really funny and clever that the what:ifs come out on april fools day because its also subaru’s birthday. did you know season 2 was originally meant to air from april 1st to september 23rd (emilia’s birthday)? i think thats a super cool and fun concept but sadly covid happened in 2020 lol. but season 2 still rocked... the full 30 min episodes w no op or ed you can tell there was care there
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Continued.... May 3, 24
Talks about us doing these things, or whatever else & I just fear that it's kind of just a fantasy. He wanted me to send him ring ideas which I did the other day even though I know that's not for a while. But then my brain stirred up. Like... its May. my lease is up August 1st. We have talked about end of summer wedding, but now that I actually look at this time of year, It's like.. it's a fantasy. Between him doing all this golf there's no time. He would have to propose literally next month which Im SURE is not going to happen, to have a month of planning which im SURE is not going to happen, to get married. Idk, I've lightly brought it up a few times like hey I know august is really soon like don't feel pressured & he says he's not at all. But it is soon. Maybe he doesn't realize that my lease is August 1st not september. & it's fine, its not like Id have to move in the day after, I know that's also going to be a massive change & having to try to move, but then they go right into busy season in September & Oct, like there's no time. I really just feel like this is all just a happy fairy tale thinking all of this stuff is going to happen, but it's not. I just hate feeling like I'm the one planning this future or wanting to keep my summer etc open just in hopes that he's here for every part of it. I can't. He's got enough golf & trips, like he still wants to go with his dad somewhere... like literally this summer is going to blink & be gone & I don't want to be sitting here hoping that I can be part of his summer...
Anyways, as I wrote that I had to jump onto a meeting & then of course Coleson is up & comes to chat before heading to work. We talked through the distant feeling & last night, he just didn't want to wake me. Lots of reassurance. Ugh. He's really amazing, I hate that my brain builds these things up. I know & feel like I can talk to him about everything, no matter what, I just don't really know how to bring up the whole summer/feeling like I'm part of his plans etc. I think I just have too much expectation. The other night we were talking about his basement & what he wants to do with it but he did include me, said if there's anything you want to do or have down there then let's talk about it & see how we can do it together. I know he's been including me more into these things so I see it in glimpses. I just need to get out of my head, & I also need to stop having expectations, I think that's the biggest thing here, is I don't want to have any expectations this summer or for the rest of the year. Anything can happen & change, & I don't want to put pressure on any of this. I need to still continue living my life, & anything big that would affect him obviously he's going to be included, but I need to stop... "stopping making plans" for myself still & planning because I can't revolve around him.
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Sorry for the vent post but my anxiety is chewing away at me rn and it’s just gone midnight
Long story short 5 months ago I was given my schedule for university starting. It starts on the 3rd of October. Boom, that’s it, that’s all the info I was given. Then, in a random email about a week and a half ago, I’m told my room is ready to move in to from the 26th September. I was hugely confused but assumed this was for ppl catching flights. Then it’s hinted that from the 26th there will be events. However I’m told the big moving-in day is September 30th, and the Main Thing I Cannot Miss is October 1st. No further info.
At this point I assume I’m missing something or need to wait for some more info. Then a few days ago I get an email asking me to book a moving-in time slot on September 30th. Awesome! Confirmation!
SUDDENLY.
Before bed today (Sep 27th) I check my emails (last checked yesterday morning) and I find out I’ve missed two days of these events that I’m apparently expected to turn up to!!! Damn!!!!!! Luckily nothing is monitored, they just expect it in good faith.
Luckily, I just found out that the ‘mandatory’ event is tomorrow so at least I haven’t missed out on that but FUCK. This hurts my heart so much bc how was I supposed to know! They literally sent the email on the start day which had only been eluded to once! Idk what to do with myself anymore and bc it’s made me freak out I needed to type it somewhere
I think tomorrow I will head over/half move in, go to an important event the day after whilst moving in more stuff, and then full move over on Saturday like planned. Mum’s had a knee operation so has needed my help the last couple of days so I’ve been preoccupied and I’d like to be here the next couple of days for her just in case
But why why WHY would you leave it last minute to tell people what’s ACTUALLY happening
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september 4 2022
September 4th 2022
Old Testament: Deuteronomy 30:15-20 “Choose life”
Psalm: Psalm 139:1-16 “You formed my inward parts”
Epistle: Philemon 1-21 “I am sending him back to you”
Gospel: Luke 14:25-35 “He cannot be My disciple”
Sermon Text: Luke 14:25-35
Sermon Title: “The Cost of Discipleship”
Grace to you and peace, from God the Father and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.
“Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after Me, cannot be My disciple … any one of you who does not renounce all that he has, cannot be My disciple”. (Luke 14:27, 33) “If anyone wants to come after Me, let them deny themselves, take up their cross daily, and follow Me”. (Luke 9:23) This is the theme of the sermon this morning.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, was a Lutheran pastor executed by the Nazis shortly before the end of World War Two; literally days before the allies liberated the prison camp he was in. In his most famous book, “The Cost of Discipleship”, he wrote, “when Christ calls a man, He bids him come and die”. This is the life of all Christians, not just the martyrs. Every Christian is to bear the cross appointed for us by our Lord.
This dying will take many forms. For some, it will involve literal death, as in the case of eleven of the Apostles and all the martyrs in the history of the church, even in our own day. For others, like Luther, it will involve a life lived under the constant threat of death and persecution from the world. When he wrote the words “take they our life; goods, fame, child and wife. Though these all be gone, our victory has been won, the kingdom ours remaineth”; Luther was speaking quite literally of what might happen; what he in fact expected to happen to him.
For others the cross will involve rejection and shunning of family and friends; who when you chose to follow Christ will not understand and will be offended by your priorities. For all Christians, bearing the cross will involve a denial of or death to the self, a constant battle with our sinful nature and daily repentance when we fall. It cannot be any other way, as Jesus clearly stated in todays’ Gospel. The heading given in most Bibles for this text is (the same as Bonhoeffer’s book) “The Cost of Discipleship”.
“Now great crowds accompanied Jesus, and He turned and said to them, If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple”. (Luke 14:25-27) These words are really about the 1st Commandment; our relationship to God comes before even our closest earthly relations.
Luther said in his Large Catechism that whatever our heart clings to and trusts is really our “god”. He then proceeds to talk about many of the more common idols that tempt us, such as money/possessions, education, power, family and the like. We could easily add many things to this list of idols, such as science, radical environmentalism, pleasure/happiness; security, earthly peace/safety, mental and physical health and many others.
When hatred comes to us because of our faith, and Jesu promised that it would, we are tempted to take the easy way out in order to avoid suffering and our cross by any means necessary. So, we are often silent when we should speak God’s Word (to family or friends); perhaps we even out-right reject Christ and His gracious redeeming work on our behalf, out of a misplaced idea of God’s love; believing falsely that being “nice” and trying not to offend others is what makes a good Christian.
In reality, being a good Christian, a disciple of Christ, calls for us to renounce anything in our lives which interferes with our relationship to Him; this includes false teachings/teachers; earthly peace; family relationships, possessions, and even our own life. The Apostle Paul calls this way of life, “crucifying the flesh with its passions and desires” (Galatians 5:24) and “putting to death what is earthly in you” (Colossians 3:5) and “considering yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus”. (Romans 6:11)
“For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it. Otherwise, when he has laid the foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it will begin to mock him saying, this man began to build and was not able to finish”. (Luke 14:29-30)
“And what king going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace”. (Luke 14:31-32)
Jesus is not trying to discourage people from becoming disciples, not at all; “He desires all to be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth”; (1st Timothy 2:4) but He is making it clear that becoming a disciple involves more than just joining an organization called “the church”; as if we were joining some civic organization or club. Christianity is more than having one’s name on a membership list or one’s picture in the church directory.
The promises made in the confirmation liturgy make this clear; “Do you intend to hear the Word of God and receive the Lord’s Supper faithfully? Do you intend to live according to the Word of God, and in faith, word, and deed, remain true to God? Do you intend to continue steadfast in this confession and church and to suffer all, even death, rather than to fall away from it”? The answer to these questions is “I do, by the grace of God”. (Lutheran Service Book, p. 273)
So, being a disciple involves building our lives upon Christ Jesus alone and by faith, receiving our strength from His Word and sacraments; the means of grace. Remember Jesus’ words from a few weeks ago; “strive to enter by the narrow door, for many, I tell you will seek to enter and will not be able”. (Luke 13:24) “There is no other name under heaven given among men, by which we must be saved”. (Acts 4:12) Jesus alone saves.
This teaching of Jesus is difficult, especially for those who tend to view Jesus as a calm, non-threatening man with a nice, warm, friendly personality; one who doesn’t ever get upset or angry with anyone. That is not the Jesus that shows up here in Luke 14; demanding our allegiance over and above everything and everyone else in this life.
It was not “nice” of Jesus to say what He says next; “if anyone of you does not renounce all that he has, he cannot be My disciple”. (Luke 14:33) Again, when we put our trust in anything or anyone other than the one true God, we are breaking the 1st Commandment and Jesus is calling us to repentance. Therefore, being a disciple of Jesus means, means to be willing to give up anything; including family, possessions, earthly peace, and our own ideas of wisdom; if God calls for it. Keep in mind that all that we have or might acquire in this life, already belongs to Him.
The Apostle Paul wrote, “whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count it as rubbish in order that I may gain Christ”. (Philippians 3:7-8) We can only confidently believe these things (and take up our cross) if we are assured that our sins are forgiven for Jesus’ sake and that we have the hope of the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting. We are assured of this because of the Gospel; as we sang in the sermon hymn “Chief of sinners, though I be; Jesus shed His blood for me”.
Jesus concludes the teaching for this morning by saying, “Salt is good, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is good neither for the soil or the manure pile. It is thrown away. He who has ears to hear, let him hear”. (Luke 14:34-35) This is a description of our lives apart from Christ having first priority.
This is made clear by Moses in the Old Testament reading, “see, I have set before you today, life and good; death and evil”. (Deuteronomy 30:15) To those who turn away from God and His Word, He said, “you shall surely perish”. (Deuteronomy 30:18a) Apart from Christ, nothing good will come to/of us; in fact, “the wrath of God remains on us”. (John 3:36b)
But whoever “believes in the Son (Jesus) has eternal life”. (John 3:36a). We who have been baptized into the death and resurrection of Christ, who have been forgiven all of our sins and been clothed in the righteousness of Christ; are called by Him to deny ourselves and take up our own cross; we are to “consider ourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus”. (Romans 6:11) “For, we have been brought from (eternal) death to (eternal) life”. (Romans 6:13b)
Through the means of grace, (the Word of God and the Sacrament), by the power of the Holy Spirit, we have been kept in the one true faith. (We) Believe this good news that Christ Jesus has done everything necessary for our salvation; and in response, “choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying His voice, and holding fast to Him, for He is your life”. (Deuteronomy 30:20a)
When my wayward heart would stray; Keep me in the narrow way
Grace in time of need supply; While I live and when I die
Amen “The peace of God …
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i love naoni.... can we know more about them like some fun facts!!
YES OF COURSE!!!!!!!!!! ASK ANYTHINGGGG for some basics (under the cut):
So Naoni is my character that I play in my current dnd campaign that is loosely based on hxh which is super fun. Basically all of our player characters took the Hunter exam (called the Adventurer's exam in universe) and have since gone on to do all kinds of crazy shit. Right now we're doing our crazy super fun version of Heaven's Arena! (So September 1st in Yorknew city for us was Sept 1 in Zuzu city lol)
He's a falconer and has a bearded vulture named Haddi (see below)
He fights with a bow & has back tattoos and a tattoo on his forehead that have to do with being a falconer. The reason he's purple and has horns and looks Like That but is technically a wood elf is a long story but if u wanna hear it just lmk <3
His charisma is really low which manifests as him being extremely quiet and socially awkward. He has two best friends back home named Van and Andy who he loves dearly and he is currently wrapped up in the world's craziest love triangle...idk what else to say without prompts but I will literally answer anything
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No Tears Left To Cry (Flynn X MC)
A/N: Hey ppl! So this is my first entry for @i-dream-so-i-write‘s Choices September Challenge! I’ll be posting daily fics all month! The first scenario is Rain! This is For Flynn and Ali! You can suggest some pairings if you want! Hope you’re ready for this! Tagging the blog @choices-september-challenge
Warning: T
Tags: @mechaspirit @xo-endlessmayhem-xo@endlessly-searching-for-you@princesstopgun @parkerattano @skyila @brightpinkpeppercorn
Nikolai wasn’t kidding. He couldn’t have been. There is no way Ali just saved a murderer. Hints and clues always seem to lead back him but no, he couldn’t have hurt Kate. Drugged her, kidnapped her, tortured her and killed two Sterling siblings. It doesn’t seem possible for someone who actually cares about Kate would go through all that for revenge.
Some many questions corrupted her way of thinking, as she darted out of the lighthouse, after unofficially parting with Naomi, Grant and Flynn. Honestly, Ali feels awful running out of there so fast, just after Nikolai was dragged out and everyone was contemplating on what comes next. With everything happening around her, Ali just couldn’t take it anymore. She’s barely handling the situation already and saving a possible criminal just doesn’t sit well with her.
Truly, she’s exhausted, troubled, on edge and completely out of breath. For the past few days, her entire lift has been flipped upside down and the longer she stays in Birchport, the more her city life becomes a distant memory.
The rain’s still pounding heavily once she makes it outside, drops smacking the concrete and drifting down Ali’s face. As she approaches the docks, her mind drifts back to the others, especially Flynn with him being held at gunpoint. Out of everything that happened, that’s what frightened Ali the most - a chance that Flynn could get shot. Nikolai was so close to pulling the trigger, yet Flynn remained so calm and collected the entire time. It’s almost like he had been through that before and due to past experiences, he knows how to handle situations like that, which is kinda concerning for Ali. Flynn and the others are the only ones she feels like she can trust and losing them just feels unbearable.
Suddenly, Ali can feel tears rising in her eyes, corrupting her vision as she fights through the heavy rain. She pauses half way down the docks to catch her breath, as she leans against the railing, her dark eyes staring out at the ocean. The monstrous waves floor every parked boat, soaking each and every one. Clouds hover over the events, watching how the sea curses every vessel with its power.
The scene is horrifying but somehow strangely soothing. Exhaling sharply, Ali relaxes, the tension in her softening slightly and finally giving her a chance to forget the events of tonight, even if it is only for a short while.
However, it doesn’t last long when Ali hears a familiar voice calling out to her. “Ali!” The voice yells in a desperate tone. Reluctantly, she swerves around, tearing her eyes away from the thrashing waves. She catches sight of Flynn pacing over to her with a rare look of concern on his stupidly handsome face.
Flynn has been her hope all this time, the only one that cares about Kate as much as she does. Turns out, they’re both really different from each other. He’s a bad boy who defies the law and only does what will help the ones he cares about. He always knows what to do and has a smirk that could kill anyone who gets too close. Then there’s Ali, who is a lost journalist, who spends most of their time in the city, not in small towns like he does. She’s not as capable in dangerous situations and barely holds her own but she still knows what the right thing to do is.
Deep down, she knows everyone who knew of their “relationship” would judge. The disgust on everyone’s faces at Kate’s hearing, when Hornby called her out like she’s a slut. Even Flynn’s face was full of surprise, which is what hurt the most.
Her doubts start to shine through as she contemplates their situation.
She doesn’t eye him for that long, fixating her gaze on the silver railing that she helplessly leans on, as she waits for Flynn to reach her. Eventually, he does, sooner than expected. Still, she refuses to look at him.
“Ali…” Flynn mumbles, putting a hand behind his head and fiddling with strands of his dark brown hair. His icy eyes scan over Ali intently - an anxious look overtaking. Still, Ali doesn’t give him her attention, keeping her eyes on the gloomy clouds that poison the sky.
Flynn exhales loosely, one hand gently tapping Ali’s arms, which startles her a little and causes her to jump where she is. “Ali… Why’d you run out like that?” He tries to question her but he’s given an eye roll from her instead, which makes him furrow his brows bewilderedly. A bullet stabs her heart when she catches a glimpse of the hurt in Flynn’s eyes because she wasn’t talking to him.
His grip on her arm tightens, just enough so it doesn’t hurt her. “Ali! For god’s sake, look at me!” Flynn requests firmly - though there is still a hint of kindness in his tone. He tilts her chin so she’s staring at him dead in the eyes and that’s when he finally spots her rising tears. “Ali, what’s wrong?” He questions again, fiddling with her trembling lip while trying to help her relax. Affected by his surprisingly gentle touch, she inhales sharply.
For a moment, a silence is caught between them, Ali taking that time to admire Flynn like she does every time they talk. He’s completely drenched from the pounding rain, drops continuing to soak his hair and drift down his pale face. They surround his sapphire eyes, highlighting them and making them stand out. Tears of the clouds have also moved to wet his clothes, making them tighter against his fair skin. As her dark eyes aimlessly scan his body, she swears she can see his chiselled figure through his soaked shirt, as his dark jeans grip tighter to his legs. Flicking her eyes back his face, Ali begins to contemplate on what she should say.
“I’m sorry, Flynn,” is all she manages to blurt out of her mouth, which is kinda random since it has nothing to do with Flynn’s question. Expectedly, it confuses him and he can’t help but raise an eyebrow at her.
“What’re you sorry for?” He asks in a concerned tone, stroking the skin of Ali’s shaking arm comfortingly and it sure is working.
Ali silences herself for a moment, only then just realising what she actually said. Her mind goes blank and total honesty seems like the only option. “I… Do you think I just saved a criminal?” She bombards him with a question of her own, desperation hinted in her tone. Her hazel eyes are drowning the impatience. She just needs an answer. Was what she did right or wrong?
Flynn pauses, releasing his grip from Ali’s arm and placing both hands behind his head. He stares out at the ocean, eyes fixated on the guarded lighthouse, watching how the huge light flickers like it’s broken.
For too long, he doesn’t dare speak, worrying Ali a little, as her stomach ties into a knot. “Flynn…” She mutters and his icy eyes snap back to look at her. He throws his hands to his sides.
“I don’t know.” He admits, stroking his jaw thoughtfully while shrugging his shoulders. He looks distraught and defeated. “I just feel like once we get close to knowing the truth, something always drives us back to the start.”
Hearing his words, Ali frowns, playing with the ends of her hair. “So, you’re saying it’s undecidable?” She asks, furrowing her eyebrows in a confused manor.
“I’m saying that I don’t wanna assume anything in case it comes back to bite me in the ass. Everything else always does.” Flynn responds, grasping the railway and fixating his gaze on a nearby boat named The Saviour. Ali follows his gaze and is instantly intrigued by the title of the vessel. “Damn, we could one of those right about now.”
Ali nods, watching how the waves rock the boat and it almost builds up a little nausea in her stomach. Quickly, she looks away and moves her gaze to Flynn, who’s still admiring the shaking boat. “Remind you of something?” Ali questions, noticing how interested Flynn is in the name of the vessel and it’s entire exterior.
Barely hearing her question, he tears his eyes away from the boat and finds Ali in his sight once more. “Guess you could say that.” He admits, folding his arms and sighing heavily. Something is troubling him.
Ali places a hand on his drenched shirt. It’s surprising how the constant rain isn’t bothering him at all, even though it’s killing Ali on the inside. Flynn flicks his eyes over to her and his nose twitches as drops of rain descend down his face. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” Ali assures, brushing his drenched hair out of his face. Giving in to her touch, Flynn sighs hesitantly and wipes the dripping water from his face.
“My parents used to have a boat just like that,” He begins, focusing his attention back on the boat and Ali does the same even if it makes her slightly sea sick. “And it was actually called The Guardian Angel, which kinda reminded me of The Saviour.” As he tells this story and relives his childhood, Flynn can’t help but blink a few times to stop a few tears from escaping. “Kate loved it. She used to go on it all time with Dad. He’d take her fishing and she always used to come back with something. Each fish she caught she had a name for.”
Ali giggles at the thought of Kate naming fish that she caught and talking to them everyday, causing Flynn to pause and eye her questioningly.
“What’s so funny?” He asks, cracking a weak smirk and chuckling to himself and Ali can’t help but laugh along.
“Kate told me about her favourite fish once. What was her name… Tunalicious?” Ali reminds Flynn and they both break into a fit of laughter. It’s easier to smile for Ali when she’s around Flynn, despite everything.
Flynn smirks wider this time. “Yeah, she thought that was so clever. She’d talk to him almost every night and feed him peanut better like Lilo did in those Disney films.” He jokes, running a hand through his drenched dusty brown hair. A sigh of relief escapes him, as he realises he hasn’t laughed this much in a long time. Only Ali seems able to help him do that.
A lightbulb suddenly goes off Ali’s brain. “Ooh! Let’s not forget Goldilocks and Sir Swords A Lot. And Dracula!” She laughs, breaking out into a wide smile and Flynn immediately joins in with the banter, the memory brewing in his mind.
“I kept trying to tell her that a fish with a two sharp bottom teeth does not means it’s a vampire.” Flynn responds, one of his first genuine smiles igniting through the storm, immediately stopping Ali’s laughter and gaining her attention.
Once the laughter dies, they just stare at each other for a moment, admiring each other’s imperfect states. Not just the exterior of each, the other’s strengths and weaknesses, good traits and bad traits, good flaws and bad flaws. Either way, they would never think differently of the other.
“Then my parents went and sold the boat, completely killing Kate.” Flynn adds suddenly, completely killing the mood as well. His kind grin fades away, as he focuses on the boat once more, almost cursing at it under his breath. “For a while, she felt broken, lost and I couldn’t help but blame my parents for that. They destroyed their own daughter and treated us both like black sheep.”
Suddenly, a unbearable memory revisits Ali’s mind and it sends immediate shivers down her spine. That thought of the sight of Flynn being held at gunpoint by a mentally tormented Nikolai. It was horrible to watch and even more painful to relive. The bright smile she once held fades away and the light in her eyes dies completely, leaving her looking empty and pained.
Interrupting the silence, Flynn blinks a few times, checking that Ali is still there and watching how the heavy drops of rain sink through her scalp and soak her beautiful face. “Ali?” He asks, receiving no response. “Ali… what’s up?” He tries again, once again rewarded with complete and utter silence, frustrating him a little.
Ali closes her eyes for a moment, contemplating hard. When she opens them, she can see the confusion in Flynn’s eyes. “Nothing. I gotta go.” She claims, not giving Flynn a chance to protest. Immediately, she swerves around and continues down the docks, not in the mood to confront Flynn about her darkest fears.
“Ali. Ali, wait!” Flynn calls to her, the desperation in his face causing her heart to sink. All he could wonder is what he did wrong. “Goddamit, Ali! Stop walking away from me!” He pleads, no sort of demand, just the rare, no impossible, sound of him begging. Ali wipes her tears away, pushing the memory of Flynn to the back of her mind.
“What did I do? Where are you going?” He continues to bombard her with questions as he attempts to run after her, getting closer even though the rain seems to slow him down. He remains careful and cautious so he doesn’t slip on the already pretty slippy docks.
Finally, after seconds of struggling, he reaches Ali. Instantly, he moves to block her path, stopping her directly in her tracks. He can see sobs pouring from her cheeks and it definitely wasn’t the rain.
She tries to slip past him but he grasps her shoulders and keeps his grip nice and tight. “Flynn, move out of my way.” She orders firmly, brushing her wet, auburn hair out of her face, as she tries her best not to admire Flynn’s soaking state.
“Not until you tell what’s got you so on edge.” Flynn denies, shaking his head at her and exhaling sharply - puff of smoke corrupting her vision momentarily.
“Flynn, it’s just me being stupid. Now move!” She demands, pressing her lips together and arching her eyebrows at his dismissive attitude to not let her go.
Once again, he shakes his head, his icy blue burning into her tear-infested hazel eyes. “I don’t believe anything you say is stupid. Now come on, Ali. Be honest with me.” His words came out as more of a kind-hearted request this time and that soothes Ali slightly but frustration still lingers in her eyes.
“Goddammit, Flynn! Move your ass now!” She snaps, tempted to shove him but hesitant to hurt him. Judging by her poor strength, she wouldn’t be able too anyway but she still cares about him.
“Not until I get an answer!”
“Okay! You want a fucking answer, Flynn! I’ve been putting everything on the line to save Kate! My job, my dignity, my reputation. Hell, even the people that I care about!” Ali admits, raging uncontrollably. Her hands ball into fists and her mind is scattered with unwanted memories. Flynn’s eyes widen slightly and his mouth drifts into a frown. He’s never really thought about what Ali’s troubles were. That sounds bad but he was just so focused on his sister and he always relies on Ali’s help that it just… may have slipped his mind.
“Ali… I had no idea. I didn’t realise-“
“Yeah well, it’s get worse!” She cuts him off, barely keeping her balance and relying on Flynn’s strong grasp to steady her. “Nikolai could have killed you today. You could have been shot and maybe I wouldn’t have been able to save you.” Tears begin to rise again and her hopes fall into a pitch black abyss. “I love Kate just as much as you do. But we keep risking our lives just to ensure she’s safe. I know that sounds like I don’t care but I do. I really do. I want her out of jail. I want her to be free… but I also don’t wanna die trying.” Ali confesses, sheepishly staring at the floor and refusing to meet Flynn’s unreadable gaze.
For a moment, nobody speaks and nobody moves. It’s impossible to process what’s happening, especially Ali’s words struggling to sink into Flynn’s brain. She clarified that she cares and she made sure Flynn knows that she loves Kate. She doesn’t wanna watch the people she cares about die. And for some reason, that includes Flynn.
Finally, Flynn clears his throat, causing Ali’s eyes snap up. “Wow. I’m sorry if I ever made things difficult for you. That was never my intention. I really am sorry.” He apologises, his words sitting well with Ali and she smiles at him weakly.
“Flynn I-“
Before Ali can form any proper words, Flynn cuts her off by thrashing his lips against hers, causing her to jump up in his embrace. Startled at first, her hazel eyes widen at the surprise of his touch. But after a moment, she melts into his embrace and smiles against his lips, finding a way to kiss back. Usually, their kisses would start off sweet and reassuring but something is different about Flynn this time. He’s bringing more force and urgency than he ever had. Like he is in dire need of her. Was it the anger or… no it’s the anger.
Flynn immediately creates a flowing rhythm, snaking his arms around Ali’s waist and drawing imaginary shapes on the fabric of her coat. She can’t help but let out a soft moan when he begins tugging the strands of her soaked auburn hair that drifts down her back. Hearing it, he smirks against her lips, able to taste the raindrops on her mouth and tongue, as she lets his own in. A pace and a fuelling amount of passion builds up, giving them both a sense of relief.
The growing storm in their bodies is even more powerful and bigger than the one outside, as the rain continued to drench them, only adding more fuel to the fire. Flynn forcefully pushes Ali against the railing, groaning lightly when she playfully tugs on the strands of his drenched dark hair. Another smirk crosses his lips and he starts moving to kiss down her jaw and over her neck, gaining a few soft moans from Ali, which is insanely satisfying for him. She strokes his arms, outlining the tattoo on his shoulder, then moving up to his neck. Noticing, Flynn releases his lips from her neck and squints at what she’s doing, slightly intrigued.
“What ya doing there?” He questions, shooting her his signature smirk and she doesn’t dare remove her hand and continues stroking his tattoo.
She glances up, smirking mischievously at him, which turns him on more than you’ll ever know. “What? Can’t I admire a man’s tattoos?” Ali questions, arching her eyebrows seductively at him which makes it very hard for him to hold back.
He plants a kiss on her forehead, then moves to whisper in her ear. “Guess not.” He mutters huskily. With that, Ali grips him by his soaked shirt, pulling him in for a long, lingering kiss - this time it’s more tender and sweet but still plastered with desire.
Too soon, she pulls away, aggravating Flynn. “I wasn’t told we were stopping.” He claims, raising an eyebrow at her and groaning in annoyance.
“Seriously? Can’t you see I’m soaked and it’s also freaking freezing?” Ali reminds him and Flynn smirks at her words, brushing back strands of her hair and planting another kiss on her damp forehead.
“You still look gorgeous.” He replies very smoothly, causing Ali’s heart to flutter. Hearing that, she leans in closer, teasing him by brushing his lips against hers but still not enough to satisfy Flynn.
“How about a hot shower?” She teases, becoming suddenly even more irresistible to Flynn, which he didn’t think was even possible.
He raises an eyebrow at her and briefly brings his lips to hers. “Sure but only if you promise me one thing.” Flynn responds and Ali eyes him questioningly.
“I’m not gonna beg.” She states simply and her eyebrows collide with each other, as she awaits Flynn’s compromise.
Flynn chuckles softly, before forming a serious expression and staring into Ali’s hazel eyes. “Promise me you won’t beat yourself up over Kate anymore.” He requests calmly, taking both Ali’s wet hands in his and kissing each finger one by one.
She doesn’t seem to notice because she gets so confused over his words. “When did I ever-“
“Promise me.”
Flynn stares at her, a glint of hope in his eyes. Just being here with him and staring into them makes her feel at peace and tells her that everything is gonna be okay.
“…Okay, I promise.”
#fan fiction#choices september challenge#it’s literally just gone September 1st#its like 00:11 rn#I waste no time#veil of secrets#flynn x mc#flynn o’malley#choices vos#choices fandom#choices fanfic#flynn x mc fanfic#veil of secrets fanfic#mysteli#mysteli fanfic
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Hello !!
I dont know if you are taking request rn but i was wondering if you could do that tiktok trend thing that is "he needed more than me" with draco x reader where draco slowly falls out of love with reader and inlove with astoria and then blablabla((you can decide what happens here), then a few years she moves on and then she meets him again and then yeh you can decude the rest from there. THANK YOU AND HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY OR EVENING !!
He needed more than me.. — draco malfoy
ೃ⁀➷ 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴(𝘀) : angst
ೃ⁀➷ 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 : draco malfoy x fem!reader, draco malfoy x astoria greengrass
ೃ⁀➷ 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗼 : 7th year, pansy using muggle slangs
ೃ⁀➷ 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 :omfg this idea makes my heart ache sm. 💔 Also u have a wonderful day too babyy<3
You and draco always loved eachother, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Your felt connected to eachother, like you were meant to be. It was written in the stars.
Your relationship was like a fairy tale, draco treated you like a goddess even worshiped you like a goddess.
You guys were destined to be together.
Now.. You and draco weren't together, because of Astoria Greengrass.
— 7th year, September 5 1997.
7th year arrived, you and draco finally had a fresh start from all the chaos and war, now you both would have calm lives like you both used to.
When you two sat down in a cabin in the train, it went swell for a few minutes, But a girl knocked on your door.
“hello, my name is Astoria Greengrass May I sit here?” a girl who looks like she was in her 6th year introduced herself.
“yeah sure..” draco patted the seat next to him, since he saw Astoria his eyes lightened up..
You thought nothing of it and dozed off to sleep.
When you woke up you saw the two of them sleeping together, astoriaʼs head on dracos shoulder. Her silky brown hair decorated his back.
Your heart broke at the scene, you wanted to be Astoria even though draco is your boyfriend...
𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗺𝗲 .
You were patrolling the halls as usual, and you see a 1st year crying in a corner, You were concerned for the boy so you kneeled down at him.
“hi little guy, what happened?” you asked comfortingly, “i-I...I don't know where to go... I'm lost” he sobbed, “oh don't worry, please stop crying first, I'll take you to your common room..” you hugged the boy and he felt comforted.
"Thank-thank you Ms. (yn)” he thanked you, “no problem, after all that's what prefects do” you winked at him as the both of you walked the halls until you arrived at his common room.
“goodnight little guy.” you smiled warmly at him, “night Ms. (yn)”
𝗶𝗺 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗹𝘆, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗳𝘂𝗹.
“yay! Happy birthday (your friends name)” you hugged your friend as you handed your present to them, “aww thanks! Your the only one who knew it was my birthday...” they chuckled nervously.
"it's no biggie, your my best friend after all!” you giggled happily, “thanks (yn) I appreciate it so much..” they felt super grateful to have you as a friend.
You were the only one who remembered their birthday, which made (your friends name) smile.
𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗾𝘂𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗮𝘄𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘁𝘆.
People were complimenting you for no reason, around the halls you heard (yn) is gorgeous! Look at her, she's so beautiful I wish I was her!
You smiled at the whispers, and silently thanked them, it boosted your confidence, people really thought you were a princess.
“girl, you literally glowing right now! Your so stunning!” pansy said with adoration laced in her voice.
“thanks pans, hey your using the muggle slangs!” you pointed out, "yeah, I do muggles do make their lives easier or making their talking easier.” she chuckled.
𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗺𝗲.
“draco, what do you mean?!” you cried, “I'm sorry (yn), I just don't love you like I used to the spark that used to be there for you was gone..,” he confessed.
“now that stupid spark is for Astoria now isn't it?” you mumbled through your sobs, “yes, I'm so sorry (yn), I wish we can still be friends though..” he held your hand looking at you with pleading eyes,
“i-I'm sorry I don't wanna be your friend even after this..”
"(yn)..”
“good bye draco.”
It hurts that he needed someone else and that someone isn't you.
— years later..
“oof-I'm so sorry!” you nervously gather your items from the floor, “no worries-wait (yn)?” draco was stunned and shocked. “oh... hi malfoy..” you said, no interest in talking to him, “it's been so long (yn)! How are you?”
"I'm doing.. well.. how about you?”
“well, I'm doing—” “MOMMYY!” your son , hayden screamed, “yes darling?” you turned your focus at him. “daddy is being mean again!” he hugged your leg as theo came with a goofy grin, but that grin slowly faded when I saw draco.
“hey..malfoy..” he said, “hello nott.”
“well it was nice talking to you draco, were gonna leave now..”
thats when he realized that he made a mistake all those years ago.
taglist :: @dracoslittleangel @imabee-oralizard @f4iryluvy @lilytoyourjames @siriusblackstwin @thehalfbloodedwitch @blackthunder137
#draco malfoy#draco x reader#draco lucius malfoy#draco imagine#draco malfoy imagine#draco fanfiction#draco fic#draco fluff#— {🐚} her work's !
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Everything Weird About Deltarune!
Spoiler Warning for Undertale and Both Chapters of Deltarune! Really! I Literally Go Through Everything I Can Remember About Them!
This is a long post so get comfortable. Also note that my brain doesn't process thoughts into words very well so some of these might not be worded in the best way. :)
Deltarune. The first teaser chapter was released on October 31, 2018, and it came out of nowhere. We've all gone through this, but I'll try and go through every single painstaking detail I can remember. Feel free to reblog and add/correct things.
The weirdness begins right off the bat. The title is an anagram of UNDERTALE. We all know Toby likes to use anagrams when he wants to indirectly tell us when things are related, so it's no surprise that when you go to download DELTARUNE, it warns you that the game is designed for people who have played UNDERTALE. You think, "Cool, so it's a sequel? Or maybe a prequel? A different perspective of UNDERTALE perhaps?" You were wrong; so terribly, terribly wrong! I'll elaborate on this later.
Before you download the application, the terms of service that you must agree to beforehand reads simply and plainly, "You accept everything that will happen from now on." This detail was kinda brushed off in the beginning, because, hey, it's Toby Fox. He does weird stuff all the time. But even in the first chapter, it's apparent that the concept of choice, or more accurately, the lack of it, is a very present theme in the game. I would like to remind you that Toby has announced that there will be one ending in the game. One. I'll elaborate on this later.
The program (as in, what the game is called in your files) is named SURVEY PROGRAM. Why not just call it Deltarune like it is when you download chapter two?
The game launches you, without a title screen, without any setting adjustment options, straight into a reference to the theme of the entire franchise: the lack of choice. A strange formless voice guides you through "making a vessel", with what we know now as a fountain in the background. You have the option to make some very disturbing choices in this character creator, such as making its favorite flavor "pain" or expressing your feelings about it with options such as "fear" and "disgust." You name your "creation," tell the formless voice your name (which is different from your vessel's name) and watch as said formless voice muses over your name at an agonizing pace. It thanks you for your time and tells you that your wonderful creation, (cue music cutout and background removal) will now be discarded. "No one can choose who they are in this world." The screen slowly turns white as the voice says, "Your... name... is..."
It gets weirder. The next scene appears from the whiteness and showcases Toriel calling "Kris" out of bed. Kris' area of the room is very bare in contrast to the other side, which we later discover is Asriel's.
It's Toriel. Why is Toriel here?
Kris is kind of an anagram of Frisk (the protagonist of UNDERTALE) but without the F. I highly doubt this is a coincidence.
Speaking with Noelle is the only reason you can proceed (see what i did there?) while finding a partner in the classroom. This means you can't go through the 1st chapter without knowing who she is. Is it because of the Snowgrave route?
Ralsei is just suspicious to me. There's no way he was just waiting in that castle his whole life alone without some mental toil. So either he's insane or he wasn't alone the whole time. What happened? Is it related to how he can close his eyes and see what Susie is going through when she's apart from the party? Was he just watching everything? Is he related to the formless voice?
Susie's icon is the only one without color in the Dark World.
Jevil's fight is more difficult than Sans'.
Your actions have little consequence in the first chapter. If you choose to go genocide, the only difference in the ending is being run out of the kingdom, and this doesn't carry over to the next chapter. Again, lack of choice, people.
If at the end of chapter one, you walk around town, it's mentioned (notably by Noelle) that you're usually not this talkative. If you go to the hospital and speak with the receptionist, they mention that you used to play the piano in the corner. If you decide to attempt to play the said piano, an out-of-key bash can be heard and the receptionist comments on how you used to play beautifully. If you try this in chapter two, the result is the same. All this is confirmation that Kris is acting noticeably weird.
When you leave the Dark World and walk around town, you can find Sans. He "pretends" to recognize you, and if you tell him you recognize him, he tells you it's funny, considering that you two have never met before. He winks. I'm pretty sure he knows that the player is there.
The mention of Papyrus in both games, but the purposeful lack of him. Like he's avoiding you.
If you go upstairs while inside Asgore's flower shop, there are flowers in glass cases resembling his SOUL collection in UNDERTALE. There's a red flower.
You can't enter the church.
The clock in the storage closet shows a different time than all the others in the school.
If you go all the way south in town and into the woods, the music stops and you come across a rusty, double door is in a hill covered in crass. It's locked. If you go this way in chapter two, however, you watch a cutscene where you and susie happen to find Monster Kid from UNDERTALE (or someone resembling them) and an owl kid in front of the door. The owl kid is pressuring Monster Kid to (presumably) break inside, telling them that they don't want to be a wimp like Kris. Does this imply that Kris is connected to this strange door somehow?
The ending. You know what I'm talking about.
Did Kris actually rip out the SOUL (I say "the" because I'm not entirely sure it's Kris') and knife because they wanted to eat the pie? Did they only eat the pie because Toriel caught them?
Why did they look at the player? Are they sick of being controlled? Is that why they freaked out after the Spamton fight? (later)
Anyway, now we're at chapter two.
DELTARUNE Chapter Two was released on September 17th, 2021. 17. Entry Number 17. Sound familiar?
Asriel's part of the room is different from the last chapter. I don't think this means anything sinister, but I think it means Kris notices different things about the room as the story progresses. My theory is that it will become more sinister in each chapter.
Ralsei getting super excited to see Susie and Kris after a day. As in he has separation anxiety and it breaks my heart. not anything suspicious but it makes me sad so it's on the list.
Kris and Susie's rooms. Ralsei REALLY doesn't want them to leave. Seriously get this boy a therapist. Or a stuffed animal. SOMETHING.
Kris having to gather everything from the storage closet so that people appear in the Dark World????? Why??????????????? They had to do the same thing for the computer lab too.
The golden door. I don't trust it.
How/why the heck did Noelle and Berdley go into the Computer Lab Dark World? I don't see either of them just walking into pulsing void doors without Susie.
Apparently the knight has been gone for a bit and can corrupt people's minds? The king in the first chapter doesn't seem like he can be redeemed but Queen just seems,,, not bad, but a little crazy. I wonder what happened.
Then again, name ONE person in this franchise without trauma.
Spamton.
Horror doesn't bother me. Spamton? Spamton bothers me.
SPAMTON. ENOUGH SAID.
A Kromer is a type of hat invented in the '70s. Nobody named Mike is associated with it, that I can find.
SPAMPTON. HOW DO I EVEN DESCRIBE IT.
HIS SONG IS THE ONLY ONE WITH WORDS.
The way he asks Kris is they want to be a heart on a chain their whole life. Like, dude, no wonder they were screaming after the fight.
WHERE DID THE YELLOW HEART COME FROM. YELLOW MEANS JUSTICE. WHY DOES JUSTICE APPLY.
Kris screaming after the fight and the player not being able to hear it. Don't you dare tell me that's just how the game is designed. There are sound effects characters make throughout the game. None that I can think of apply to Kris, apart from when they rip their soul out.
Ralsei brushing off the Spamton fight. Either that's his coping mechanism or he was trying to shut Susie and Kris up to protect them from... something. I'll touch on that in a minute.
According to Queen, DETERMINATION is a key factor in creating a fountain.
Also according to Queen, Kris, Noelle, and Susie all have DETERMINATION SOULS.
Ralsei freaking out about Berdley making a fountain implies that he may also have DETERMINATION. Why I'm bringing all this up will make sense soon.
How was Noelle able to cast Snowgrave... a spell that she, according to her, didn't know?
The Snowgrave route is so twisted.
You manipulate Noelle into killing Berdley and then, when you get back to the computer lab and investigate his corpse, the text box says that he doesn't seem to be awake. As if you're in denial?
Burgerpants recognizes you. Not Kris. As in the player.
The ending. I don't think I need to describe it. Kris is very methodical without the SOUL. (I say "the" because, again, I'm not 100% convinced it's theirs.) I'm saying this about how they left clues that someone broke into the This proves that they are NOT a mindless, vengeful husk.
HOW DID THEY MAKE THE FOUNTAIN WITHOUT THE SOUL INSIDE OF THEM. DID THEY FEED THE SOUL TO IT AFTERWARDS? IS THAT WHAT THAT WAS?
Another point I would like to make is my theory that Ralsei knows much more than he would have us believe. I might put this into a different post because I have yet to gather my points into a coherent bullet point list, so keep an eye out for that.
Anyway apart from Toriel and Susie being VERY heavy sleepers, I think I've gone through everything. I have a few theories.
1. Kris is possessed by the player and figured out that they could make a fountain from Queen and related to Spamton freaking out about freedom. They then decided to make a fountain going by the logic that "this would tick the player off." This is one of my top theories that assumes that the SOUL is theirs.
And 2. Kris is possessed by both the player and the knight. I think the formless voice at the very beginning of the game is the knight, and they somehow needed the player to possess someone with DETERMINATION. If so, then why Kris? We know from Queen that Noelle and Susie, and maybe even Berdley also have DETERMINATION. The most plausible thing I can think of is the fact that human souls are stronger than monster ones.
I do think that the popular theory (about the one that suggests that the Dark Word is nothing but a figment of a child's imagination, and the events that occur in said Dark World are simply children playing with toys) has been thoroughly dashed due to Berdley's murder in the genocide route of the second chapter. Unless he's not dead. Regardless, how the events (or lack thereof) that occur in the second chapter play through the next will be interesting, especially considering Toby's announcement about how there will be one ending to the game. So either Berdley isn't dead, or he will be.
Aaaand I think that's it! Sorry for the long post; let me know your thoughts and if I missed anything!
#deltarune#deltarune chapter 2#deltarune theory#deltarune theories#deltarune chapter two theory#deltarune chapter two theories#snowgrave#pipis route#deltarune snowgrave#video games#indie game#deltarune spoilers#ralsei#kris#susie#undertale#sans
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I could go with knowing Regulus' birthday tho. Trying to make it up with astrology and funky number pseudoscience is fun but you know. :D
There’s a lot of dates for his birthday in the fandom so I thought I’d take a stab at working it out.
His birthday has to be between September 1960 and August 1961 to work with him being canonically a year below the Marauders.
Regulus Black - Birthday Headcanons
WARNING: I KNOW NOTHING OF ASTRONOMY, ASTROLOGY OR ANY OTHER STAR RELATED THING. I KNOW MATHS , LOGIC AND MARAUDERS HEADCANONS THO, SO LETS GO
~ 1st September 1960 ~
Young Regulus and Sirius being annoyed that Reggie is only just in the year below
‘Mother, can’t Reggie just come to school early?’
Sirius really did not want to go to Hogwarts on his first day, because it would mean leaving Reggie alone on his birthday
They both got up really early to sneak outside, look at the stars and let Reggie open his present
Later that day, it was just him and Kreacher so they had a little tea party to celebrate not that his parents would ever acknowledge his birthday
Birthday party on the Hogwarts Express every year after that
~ 26th September 1960 ~
Regulus is the heart of the lion headcanon one!
His birthday is half a year away from James, and James will never let him live it down
‘Sorry babe, you can drink when your older’
‘I’m only fucking 6 months younger than you, and bloody taller, you prick’
One of the oldest in his year and basically a parent to the younger years, and helping calm them down when some older years pick on them
~ 25th December 1960 ~
His parents celebrate neither his birthday nor Christmas so it was just the Black cousins and Kreacher celebrating on that day when they were younger
When Hogwarts came around, the Marauders found about Regulus’ birthday around fifth year, cut to all of them staying at school over the Christmas break that year
The Great Hall was decorated with tinsel and a birthday banner, and Reggie almost broke into tears
Started calling it ‘Regmas’ as a joke, but it stuck
Reggie finally got to experience both a Christmas and a birthday and he couldn’t be happier
The next year, there was some presents from certain Hogwarts professors besides the familiar wrapping of Reggie’s favourite house elf
All house elves are invited to the birthday party
James kept making mistletoe jokes until the girls trick him into getting under it with Reggie, let’s just say they were blushing for hours after
~ 31st December 1960 ~
Born at around 11PM on the 31st so he’s barely born in 1960
Attends a Marauders New Year party during his fifth year and keeps smiling to himself because it’s the first birthday he’s been with more than two people
Sirius gets drunk and tells everyone how happy he is that his baby brother is growing up
Drunk Marauders sing Harry Birthday and Reggie almost cries of happiness
So many party games, including truth or dare where James ends up confessing
‘Prongs, kiss the hottest person in the room’
‘Sirius...’
‘I’m flattered, but I love Moony’
‘Ew, no mate, no offence, but I was gonna ask if you’d kill me if I kissed Reggie?’
‘Oh go ahead- WAIT, REGGIE?! THAT’S MY BABY BROTHER!’
‘Ignore him, please go ahead, love’
~ 28th February 1961 ~
Wanted it to be 29th of February but sadly 1961 is not a leap year, so this is an adapted version of that idea
Reggie being born at midnight on the 28th, so him and Sirius can never work out when to celebrate
On leap years, they’re so fucking confused about when to celebrate since they barely ever are allowed to celebrate at home
Reggie just pretends that his birthday has already gone when anyone asks to save them the trouble
Even when they weren’t speaking, Sirius makes sure to send a letter to Reggie at midnight on the 1st, to remind his brother that he’s always there
Most years Reggie just sneaks out of his dorm on his birthday to hang out with the house elves at midnight
One time he bumped into James, so it became a tradition for them to spend the night laughing and chatting in the kitchen or library
James just likes seeing Reggie comfortable and happy
~ 27th March 1961 ~
Regulus is the heart of the lion headcanon 2!
Birthday is the same day as James’
Sirius makes jokes that his two second favourite people share a birthday (the first is obviously Remus)
James and Reggie alternate what they do on their birthday, but usually end the day cuddled up on James’ bed talking about quidditch
After James graduates, Regulus is invited round for their birthday (as well as all their friends obviously)
Euphemia and Fleamont absolutely love Reggie, they buy him presents and invite him to come over more often after telling him many embarrassing stories about James while James blushes
~ Any Date in May 2061 ~
According to things I’ve seen please don’t quote me on this Regulus is most visible in May
Birthday stargazing with James using cheesy lines and Regulus reciting facts he was taught as a kid as they cuddle under a blanket
Birthday dates to Hogsmead with James, getting many sweets to share in the library later that day
Birthday quidditch matches where James promises not to go easy on Reggie and fucking panics one year when Reggie falls off his broom and ends up in the hospital wing
James just freaks out and refused to leave Reggie’s side, even after being told everything was fine
James and their friends end up bringing duvets and pillows down so they don’t have to leave Reggie alone
Remus and Lily find a spell to project muggle films on the wall for all of them to watch Regulus, Sirius and Mel are fascinated
~ 31st August 1961 ~
No one knowing when Regulus’ birthday is because it’s already happened the day before they go back to school
James is outraged when he finds out that the Marauders have never been able to celebrate his birthday in school
So they start making the first day of school Reggie’s honorary birthday with a giant sleepover in the Gryffindor common room
So many baby Black jokes, which Reggie fucking hates
‘Sirius I’m fucking taller than you, if anyone’s the baby it’s you’
First time they celebrate his birthday outside of school, James takes him to see a quidditch match, then to the local pub to see the rest of their friends, and finally back to their flat for Reggie to read the books he got for his birthday
~ Literally Any Date From September 1st to August 31st ~
I tried to find a correlation between November 3rd (Sirius’ birthday) and the Sirius star
Couldn’t really find anything (again I don’t know astronomy so please feel free to prove me wrong if you do!)
Only thing I saw was that Sirius is apparently more visible in Winter, but November is technically in Autumn so wasn’t really anything with that
By that logic, She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named could have made his birthday any date with no reasoning but we’re not gonna accept that
So any date for his birthday is acceptable!
SPEECH - SIRIUS, JAMES, REGULUS
Feel free to comment which birthday you prefer, even if it isn’t one listened! And sorry if I got some astronomy things wrong, please correct me if I’m wrong and I will happily edit this post accordingly!
#regulus arcturus black#regulus#regulus black#the most noble and ancient house of black#harry potter hc#harry potter headcanon#hp headcanon#hp hc#marauders headcanons#marauders hc#marauders era headcanon#marauders era#hogwarts#james potter x regulus black#james x regulus#jegulus#sirius and regulus#Sirius black and regulus black#black brothers#Sirius black#Sirius#birthday#fuck jkr#just want regulus black#james fleamont potter#James potter#remus lupin#wolfstar#lily evans#remus x sirius
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Full Detox
Dear Tumblr,
Thank you for the almost year we've had together. It'll be a year in October, but I've realized throughout the past year a few things about myself....
The first thing is that I've lost myself sometime during the start of quarantine. Actually... it started two years ago. I had a rough time in my life. I was just getting started with social media and some of my friends at the time weren't truly my friends.
I went to camp the summer of 2019 and I came back completely changed. It was two weeks of not talking to anyone through a screen except my best friend and I only called him. We didn't talk through a screen. I need time to find myself. This detox might be for the month of September, or it could be for longer. I don't know at this point.
My second and final point is: I need time to find out who I truly am. Thank you so much for the opportunity to know people online aren't as creepy as I've heard. There are some people I must admit, but overall, this experience has been one of the best of my life.
But I'm about to go on one of the best adventures of my life and I want to fully experience it fully present and in person without a phone as a crutch.
This is going to be the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my life, but I'm ready for whatever life throws at me. I'm going to try journaling my month-long adventure as it starts in about half an hour.
It's all over the place, I'm an emotional mess as I write this. I just wanted to tell you if you need to reach me, I will be going off of Instagram and Discord as well for this month. I'm even getting rid of Pinterest and Google Hangouts. I'm completely immersing myself in the new culture I've thrown myself into.
I also just need time for myself. I'm tired of not having anyone who truly knows me in a different state than I'm in. I love my irl best friends to death, but I'm tired of just bursting into tears at random times at home. I'm just so tired of what my life has turned into right now. I'm tired of just not feeling like I can have people who don't understand me at all. I just want someone in my life who can just understand what I've gone through and it's been traumatizing for me. I need time to heal. I also need time to myself because I feel like some people on here just forget I'm a person and I really just want to be seen as a person and not just a blog. Take the time to really think about whether you've been thinking about the blogs as the people they are behind the screen or just a blog. Also, just be mindful of what you are doing when replying or reblogging a post and want to add words. People may not like what you're doing and you really need to respect that.
But you also need to remember people have feelings and tumblr is a site where we can just express ourselves. When people don't respect that, it's not a fun environment to be in anymore. This is also why I'm taking the detox. People need to learn how to respect that people have feelings that don't need to be explicitly said everywhere. This needs to be figured out on this site or I will keep on having these detoxes and maybe even stop my main blog and just have my poetry blog. I'm really tired of keeping up my "reputation" of being sweet, kind, and a freaking sweetheart who wouldn't hurt a fly. I'm really tired of keeping up my "reputation" of being the person to turn to for advice, but with no one else to turn to. I'm really tired of keeping up my "reputation" as someone who always has to be sunny, happy, and doesn't know about the dark in life. I know about the dark in life; I'm an adult now and people need to understand that online and also irl, but this is more about online.
Yes, I know I sound salty, and that's because while this almost year has been one of the best almost years of my life, it's also been the most draining because literally everyone on here calls me a sweetheart and a cinnamon roll. I just wish I felt safe enough to be myself. But right now, I can't be truly myself. I'm hoping the detox will help me figure out who the heck I am. I implore you though please think of me as the adult I am and not some teenager who doesn't know what to do with their life. I have life goals and uni is going to help me with that. Please stop treating me like a smole bean who needs to be protected at all costs. Please.
I am also just like you all. I'm not a ball of sunshine all of the time (in fact when I'm talking to people who know me best they know I'm only a sunshine 20% of the time, the other 80% I'm so done with life). I want to be able to taken seriously. I don't want to just be known as the Hufflepuff who is so nice and knows everything about life advice. That's not true. I'm just a uni girl trying to figure out how the heck I'm going to spend four years away from my family. I'm trying to be nice online, but I also want to be salty and sarcastic and myself because irl is bad enough, but online it's just why. Why do I come off as a cute, smol little kitten who wouldn't hurt a flea? Don't you guys know f you get me mad at you you'll be the one crying at the end of the day? I'm heartless when I've had enough. I need you all to treat me like the person I am and not like an object. That's kind of how I feel this has gotten. There are some who are amazing and I adore them to pieces. But then there are other people who aren't considerate I just can't. So I need a break from just all of this. I can't be on here when people don't take me seriously. Like I said it's bad enough this happens irl. I don't want it to happen online too.
I'm starting with two months, but as I do more of these in the future, it might get longer.
This might be my only two month long detox or it could be longer. If it's longer, I will let you all know! I promise, but for now, I'll miss you, I love you, keep being the you I know you can be, drink your freaking water!, remember people on here are people and have freaking feelings and emotions and lives and experiences, and I will see you all November 1st!
@procrastinationonvacation @clarys-heosphoros @reyna-herondale @ghafa-dale @captainwaffles @cory-was-hexed @nebulanike @im-someone-i-guess @writing-with-tea @simpingforwillsolace @simpingforpjo @writingsbypb @cloudygreywolf @crzyprsn42 @seven-halfbloods @nyxx-chaos @avakrahn @annlillyjose @kiriti-savyasachin @shaonharryandpannisim @chaoticchefherepleasesaveme @captainorthred @carrie-haha @justmemyselfandthefridge @daughter-of-sunshine @da-nerdy-turtle @stars-a-n-d-scars @ambidextrousarcher @ace-loves-cake @devereaux-fan @clarys-heosphoros @willsolacekinnie @valdezey @whatrambles @spoopycrowe @hyacjnthus @ileaurel @thatrandomfangirlll @purple-magic-2002 @the-young-and-forgotten
#full detox#finding myself#self care#self love#sorry not sorry for the harsh words#some of you need to learn the lessons I put up there
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JK Day 2021
...and what a day it was. I know we’re a bit late with this when looking at KST but in our time zone it’s still September 1st so it counts, right? Besides I wanted to wait until the day was over for them so I could have everything the members would post for JK so I could put it in this post as memory for us to look back on in the future.
Furthermore, as extension for the celebrations, I want to finally sit down, write and post our post about JK and his bonds with the hyung line since it’s been so long since two anons asked us about that so what better time than the weekend after JK day, right?
Anyway, let’s get into it, shall we?
The day before JKs birthday he came onto Weverse and posted three different things, including a cute selca:
Everyone of course turned up their creativity to post something for JK and also wondered among themselves what he planned on using those lyric comments for, and if he would use them for anything at all.
Sometime later before the new RUN episode aired, Seokjin appeared on Weverse and, for whatever reason, commented birthday wishes for JK under the Weverse post about the upcoming RUN episode. Because of course he did.
More than an hour before midnight KST everyone got a notification from vlive that JK had gone live:
And truly, considering it was about to be his birthday, I love how it felt more like it was ours with the gift that kept on giving that this vlive turned out to be.
Lots more below the cut:
Remember those posts that JK made in the morning on Weverse? As many, including myself, had guessed, JK gathered some of the lyric comments he liked most, or thought would work best, and proceeded to turn them into an actual song right before our eyes. The instrumental was gorgeous with a acoustic guitar and ballad like melody and it was truly fascinating watching him figuring out how to sing the lines, record them, redo them whenever he felt he could do it better, add adlibs in some places, and slowly but surely a song was created with lyrics in both English and Korean.
This really was the content I’ve always craved and I’m so, so happy we got to watch JK do this instead of him just showing us the final thing. You could see him having fun, even when he got a little frustrated at times or he wasn’t quite sure how he wanted to continue or how he wanted the words to sound like, and that he really knows what he’s doing. So many claim that Bangtan have no idea about producing and recording songs, which truly is such a stupid argument to make considering Yoongi is literally Producer SUGA and we know that, if the members want to make mixtapes they have to do them themselves, which we know Namjoon, Yoongi and Hobi have done. So JK doing all of that in the vlive? Checkmate against those idiots. Especially since it also isn’t the first time we’ve seen members work on tracks, like the behind the scenes of rap line working on DDAENG or Hobi working on songs, or even JK with Stay, even if we didn’t know it’s Stay at the time.
Once the song was finished JK went on to show us several more instrumentals he could’ve worked with, each one with a different vibe, before switching to singing a song by Justin Bieber saying he really loves his songs a lot. And then it was nearing midnight so he unpacked the cake he got, white icing/fondant with purple lettering spelling out STILL WITH YOU JK, very cute.
Right as midnight hit someone started to bang on the door so JK got up to see who’d come and, surprise, it was a very excited Hobi wishing him a happy birthday including singing the birthday song for him upon JKs request while JK lit up his golden heart shaped candle.
Hobi again returned two minutes after he’d left (between when at 1:18h JK mentioned that, for the first time that night, he’d do one more song to finish off the vlive, ha) to give him an ice cream cake he’d prepared, but also to get his phone which he’d accidentally forgotten in the room JK was in.
Once Hobi really left and JK got a taste of his ice cream cake, as well as the white cake which turned out to be chocolate flavored, the vlive concert began and, at the time, none of us knew what we were in for since we all thought he’d really do one or two more songs and that would be it. And yet that very much is not what happened, at all, and I’m so grateful for it.
This might just be the funniest screenshot in existence (please take note of the time stamps):
No wonder that, eventually, Seokjin decided to come onto Weverse to post wishes for JK a second time while also saying this (the picture is from their unit photoshoot for Winter Package):
The imagine of Seokjin just sitting in bed or whatever watching JKs vlive and hearing him say last song every like ten minutes and every time he just kept going...and going...and going while Seokjin is just waiting...and waiting...and waiting? Hilarious. But it’s also really cute how he’d wanted to wait until JK was done to not interrupt him or pull ARMYs attention away from the vlive. Truly I adore their bond, it’s adorable and chaotic and so wonderfully them.
Yoongi also posted his wishes for JK while the vlive was still going.
The one who waited until it was over was actually Namjoon who, with what he said in his tweet, actually revealed that he’d watched JKs vlive as well. In his vlive JK said that at the end of their concerts Namjoon used to always give his speech like a (school) principal, as in his long ending ment speeches, and that’s why Namjoon ‘signed’ his tweet with principal as well.
Truly I love how JK was just having fun singing their songs, taking requests from ARMY, rediscovering songs, like him wondering if they really have a song called Paradise (since the Korean title is different) and finally fulfilling ARMYs wish of hearing BTS sing it live, as well as being surprised and confused by requests for Heartbeat asking himself if them really have a song like that. But since ARMY kept asking for it, he finally looked it up and his reaction to realizing that, yes, it is a real song of theirs and also that that’s the song we were talking about which he’d completely forgotten about? Hilarious but also kind of heartbreaking for all the Heartbeat enthusiasts.
Here is the full list of all the songs he sang, some for longer, some shorter:
One thing that this vlive showed really well was just how amazing of a singer JK really is. It’s easy for people to dismiss his talent during concerts or performances, since they could always argue that him and the others get help due to the backing track etc., but here we had his raw voice singing along to their songs much the way any of us do. And he sounded stunning beginning to end. He’s such a talented singer and he’s worked so hard on his technique and voice and it’s really showing. Thinking back to what he said in his BE comeback Weverse interview about how he’d like to one day he brave enough to do a three hour concert on his own, I’d say this vlive shows that really shouldn’t be any kind of problem at all. If ARMY can listen to him essentially do karaoke for one and a half hours, then attending and enjoying a full on JK concert would be no issue whatsoever. It’d actually be amazing, I’m certain, and I’d totally be down to seeing that potentially become a reality one day in the future.
After two and a half hours, the vlive ultimately came to a close and JK said his goodbyes.
Hours later Hobi appeared on Weverse wondering what pictures of JK he could/should post for his traditional picture “spam” and everyone was immediately super excited. Hobi’s gallery holds some wonderful treasures so we all looked forward to what he would end up posting, though it would take a few hours until it would happen.
The funny thing is that he posted the first twt twice since the picture with Namjoon in it had Hobi’s iPhone in it which, as good Samsung representative, was a no, no, so he deleted the twt and posted it again with some stickers covering the phone. So cute. And his picture choices are wonderful. I particularly love that picture of JK in the white room dressed in black from back in 2019 when they performed Boy with Luv. And also their picture from a dinner the two of them went on together back in 2018.
In the meantime before Hobi posted his pictures, as requested in the picture that BH had posted for JKs birthday on the staff BTS account at midnight, one of the members posted his meal though it’s unclear which one of them it might’ve been. Looks super yummy though, wow.
And eventually the final member to come and wish JK a happy birthday was Jimin (and yes, I know Jimin’s twt came before Hobi’s but considering Hobi already wished him a happy birthday at midnight, that makes Jimin the last one):
Trans (cr. haruharu_w_bts):
our maknae happy birthday
i wish <you a happy birthday> a lot and a lot
#KkookieHappyBirthday #JIMIN #HAPPYJKDAY
Taehyung didn’t post anything but considering his track record of doing something for the members off social media for their birthday, like giving Namjoon a forehead kiss, sending birthday wish videos to Seokjin (including roping others into doing it as well), or wishing Jimin a happy birthday as part of the MOTS ON:E exhibition, I wasn’t all that surprised by this.
And with that JK day 2021 came to a close. It started with a surprise (as in both the song based on ARMY comments and also the concert afterward) and ended with one as well, as in the In The SOOP Season Two announcement.
I hope JK had a wonderful day, celebrated happily with his members, friends and family however much that’s possible in these times, as well as with their busy schedule, and that this new year will be a happy one for him full of success, personal but also career wise. I’m curious and excited to see what will happen.
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