anyway yeah fr i miss ordo theoritas. i miss the theory crafting i miss the hugeass meetings before/after Big Lore Event to brief/debrief everyone involved i miss the chaos and confusion and laughter and teamwork. i miss the cellbit, bad, and phil (key-keepers my beloveds) being the heads of the ordo working together to untangle the mysteries to the island. they were hardly ever on at the same time bc schedules and time zones (WAILS) but in my head they had so many late nights down in the evidence rooms like this

just. yeah. yeahh.

honey, honey

spencer reid 

fandom: criminal minds

pairing: spencer reid x reader

summary: you & spencer & the team head to nyc for a case. spencer gets a little jealous about all the attention you’ve been receiving from the head detective.

not my gif!

***

     “wheels up in 30,” hotch said as we finished briefing for the case. i gathered my papers & left the conference room with everyone else but slowed to talk with spencer.

     he walked besides me & started talking, “this totally ruins our plans for tonight.” disappointment was evident on his face as well as his voice.

     “i know,” my heels clicked the floor as we kept walking, “maybe we can have a date night in new york though!” i said in a hopeful tone, looking at my boyfriend of the past 3 months. we kept our relationship a secret from the team, but let hotch know due to the strict rules the bau had set in stone for employee relationships.

     spencer looked over to me, “yeah i guess, but we might not even get anytime off for this case. hotch seemed serious about it, more serious than normal.”

     “we’ll figure it out babe,” he perked up at the pet name & a light blush dusted his cheeks. “i’ll see you on the plane.” i walked away from the tall man & went to grab my go bag. this was going to be a hectic case.

***

     we arrived in new york & quickly hopped in the suv’s parked outside the jet. spence, morgan, & i in one & jj, hotch, rossi, & emily in the other. morgan of course went in the drivers seat & reid in shot gun.

     i sat in the back & looked over the case a bit more; 3 women all had shoulder length, brown hair & green eyes. they had all been found in their homes with their lips cut off & ligature marks on their wrists as well as a single gunshot to the head. there had already been 3 killings in 2 weeks, so this guy wasn’t taking much time off.

     we pulled up to the nypd office & i hopped out of the car. “so what do you think y/l/n?” morgan asked me.

     i whipped my head around, “what, sorry.”

     “i said should i let spencer drive more?” spence & morgan looked at me, both wanting me to pick their side.

     “definitely not,” i said with a smile. “you remember back in boston a couple months ago?”

     “okay that was one time & i said i was sorry!” spencer defended.

     morgan tisked, “sorry doesn’t fix a broken windshield.” i laughed as reid huffed in annoyance.

     “it’s alright, spence, we all have our flaws & your’s seems to not be too bad. at least not as bad as had an addiction with a certain high school glee club show,” i stated as morgan hushed me.

     “keep your voice down, princess!” spencer & i laughed at his reaction; we caught him watching the show one night & he begged us not to tell anyone.

     we walked to the elevator & met up with the rest of the team that had already arrived. hotch greeted us promptly, “detective walker this is ssa derek morgan, ssa y/n y/l/n, & dr. spencer reid.”

     i smiled at the man & shook his hand like morgan where as reid opted for a wave. “thank you all for coming up. we’ve got you situated in the conference room back there,” he lead us back & started talking about the case. “i normally would try to figure this out by myself, but seeing the pattern i knew i had to call some help in & i’m not complaining if that help is as sweet looking as ms. y/l/n here.”

     a light blush spread on my cheeks & the detective looked pleased with himself.

     “well, i’ll leave you all to it,” he winked at me as he walked out & i quickly looked over at emily & jj with wide eyes. they both laughed a bit as i rolled my eyes at the very up front detective’s actions.

     “y/n’s got game,” derek joked as he nudged my shoulder.

     “shut up,” i said as he laughed. with that we got to work on the case.

***

     hotch had taken jj to talk to some of the families of the victims, while rossi and morgan had gone searching on a lead that garcia had given them. spencer and i were working on the geographical profile as emily had been looking at the crime scenes more thoroughly. 

     it was pretty late as we had been working for a couple hours and had arrived around 3 o’clock that day. i yawned as i put one of the pins down, “i’m going to see if they have some coffee, do guys want any?” i asked spencer and emily. 

     “i’m good, thanks,” em said, barely looking up from her work.

     i turned to spencer as he nodded, “the regular with-”

     “lots and lots of sugar and cream, i know your coffee order by now doctor,” i told the brunette man as he smiled brightly at me. “i’ll be right back.” i walked out of the conference room they had set us up in and went to look around for the coffee machine as a tap on my shoulder turned me around.

     “i couldn’t help but notice a beautiful lady in distress,” detective walker observed, “whatcha lookin’ fo’ miss. y/l/n?” his new york accent was heavy as he talked to me.

     “uh, a coffee machine or somewhere i could get some coffee,” i told him.

     “right this way,” he lead me through the department and pointed to the little set up they had, “if you need anything else let me know miss.”

     “thank you, detective,” i smiled lightly as i got work fixing up the coffee for spencer and i. i walked back and handed spencer his coffee as he mumbled a thank you as emily chuckled under her breath. i sat next to her i sipped the warm beverage, “what is it?”

     she smiled at me, “oh, nothing. detective sweet talk seems sweet and not too crazy as well as the obvious attraction on his side of things,” i furrowed my eyebrows as she sighed, “when was the last time you got laid, y/n?”

     i spit out my coffee as emily laughed loudly. spencer mumbled something, although i was too caught up on what emily had said to really notice what spencer had muttered. “excuse me?” i asked her with wide eyes as i reached for napkin and wiped my face. 

     “he seems nice and everything and he’s not too bad on the eyes either,” emily said with a smirk on her face.

     i rolled my eyes, “i’m good em. i’m very happy with my romantic decisions right now,” she nodded and i saw spencer smile lightly as he continued working on the map. 

     the rest of the team entered the room as we work for another couple hours before hotch called it a night. none of the leads had worked and the families weren’t as much help so we all decided to turn in and get fresh eyes and return to the case tomorrow morning. 

***

     we got to the hotel and everyone had settled in their room and i waited a good 15 minutes before tip toeing over to spencer’s room and as soon as i was about to knock he swung the door open as i smiled brightly. i walked in as he followed and laid down on his bed. he flickered on the tv and found a good movie before laying down next to me. 

     we watched it silently as i placed my head on his chest as he had an arm slung around me. “do you mean it?” he asked suddenly as i looked up at him.

     “mean what?” i asked as he sighed.

     “nevermind, it’s stupid and-”

     “nothing that’s bothering you this much is stupid,” i sat up and looked at him, “what is it, spencer? you can tell me,” i reached for his hands and interlaced them with mine.

     “it’s just,” he looked down as the sheets of the bed, “you seem so unbothered when men just fling themselves at you and i don’t know, i can’t seem to compete and it’s just that you said you’re happy with your romantic decisions and i just keep thinking ‘what if she’s not?’ and ‘what if she’s just saying that because she doesn’t want to hurt my feeling and there are so many other guys that would be great with you that i don’t even compare too!’”

     spencer finished his rant as he finally looked up at me. “okay firstly, i’m unbothered because i know that i have the perfect man already by my side so i don’t need anyone else. secondly, like i said before i am very, very, very happy, ecstatic even, about my romantic decisions, because of the very amazing doctor that i love very much. thirdly, of course i don’t want to hurt your feelings, but i would be strait up lying if i said i didn’t want to be with you and i think you would be able to pick that up very quickly, doctor. lastly, you can’t compete to them,” he looked at me with puppy eyes, “you can’t compete in something that you’ve already won. you, spencer reid, are the most amazing, gorgeous, caring, sweet, loving, beautiful, handsome, funny, adorable, and every other great adjectives that i can’t remember right now,” i smiled at him, “i love you so so much and i know it’s early in the relationship to say that, but i mean it spence. i’m sorry if i ever don’t let it bother me as much as it should, i’ll make sure to keep that in mind, alright?”

     he smiled and nodded his head, “i love you.”

     i leaned in and kissed his lips softly as he hummed in content and smiled into the kiss. he pulled me closer to him as we kept pressing our lips together as his hands found my waist and mine found his hair. i pulled away smiled at him lightly, “let’s get some rest, yeah? we can look at all the cool places new york has to offer for an amazing date night while solving this case.”

     “that sounds great,” spencer said softly as his kissed me again and pulled away as we slipped under the covers. i snuggled up to his side and had an arm and leg around him as well as my head resting on his chest. he wrapped his arms around me and rubbed circles on my back and soon enough we were fast asleep.

***

     morgan, hotch, spencer, and i sat in the conference room as we started looking at the theories again as something suddenly clicked. “what if our unsub is a female,” i said aloud as the men looked at me.

     “go on,” hotch told me as i nodded.

     “the lips are all taken off of the victims which we see as a more sexual and intimate act, but no sexual assault happened to the victims, right?” they all nodded, “it’s clean and organized, most female unsubs are that way and what if all of the victims are surrogates for the one she really wants. the one she’s jealous of. she takes their lips maybe it here way of saying that they can’t have what she wants a boyfriend or husband. she’s jealous and wants to stop them from having a chance with her object of affection.”

     “it would make sense,” hotch started, “no forced entry. her ruse would get her into the house as well as having the victims more trusting and possibly sympathetic. good work, y/l/n.” hotch left the room and began to call the rest of the team, telling them my theory. 

     “nice job, princess. where’d you get that idea?” morgan questioned.

     “i don’t know,” i lied, “just kinda came to me.” he nodded and looked at me skeptically as i turned and started to rework the profile with spencer. 

     hotch walked in as talked, “let’s give the profile.”

***

     the team, plus garcia over the phone. and i sat in the conference room as detective walker came in with coffees. “here you all go, if figured you guys might need a pick me up,” we all smiled and took the coffee’s gratefully. he came next to me and placed some sugar packet down by me, “here’s some extra sugar, sugar,” he winked at me as jj and emily stifled their laughs, morgan smirked, hotch and rossi rolled their eyes, and spencer frowned.

     “i appreciate it, detective. i should tell you that i have a boyfriend and although you are a sweet man, i’m very happy,” i told him as everyone looked at me with different expressions. 

     “well, he is one luck guy, miss,” with that he left us to get back to work. i started sifting through the files again as the rest of the team stayed silent. 

     “you what!?” garcia yelled over the phone as i jumped at the loud noise, “you have a boyfriend and didn’t even tell us! you didn’t tell me!” i bit my lip as to stop the wide smile from breaking out onto my face.

     “sorry, penny,” i said sheepishly as i looked at my coworker who all had different amounts of surprise on their face, well except spencer and hotch. 

     “sorry is not gonna cut it, princess!” penelope yelled, “i need his name, address, country of birth, all of it! i have to make sure this guy isn’t some weird stalker!”

     “i don’t think you have to worry about that-” i started.

     “she’s right, if this guy is apart of your life we need to know him too,” derek spoke as penny agreed over the phone. i glanced over to spencer who was smiling widely as i silently tried to asses if he was fine with me telling them. 

     “wait a minute,” emily said, “why are we all shocked execpt him,” emily pointed over to spencer who tried to hide his smile.

      “about time, you all figured it out,” hotch muttered as the room broke out with ‘what’s?’ and yelling. 

     “who!?” penny said over the phone.

     “how long?” jj asked.

     “nice going, kid!” derek slapped reid’s back while smiling.

     “took you two long enough!” rossi smiled at spence and i.

     “wait, have you two been sneaking out of your hotel rooms? i thought i was imagining that,” emily questioned.

     “i am going ask one more time or i might explode! who is the mystery man!?” pennt yelled over the phone.

     “spencer and i are dating, penny. and to answer jj’s and emily’s questions, 3 months and yes, sorry i thought we were quieter,” i said to the group of profilers.

     “penelope?” spencer asked after a few moments of silence from the woman.

     she squealed loudly as we all covered our ears and grimaced at the sound. “my ship! oh thank god! i have been waiting for this moment since i met you two! i’ve had to wait years for this oh my god! i think i might pass out!”

     we all laughed and soon stopped as a chiming sound was heard over the phone.

     “hey! i got the address and i’m sending it to your phones now! go crime fight my amazing love birds and friends!” and with that we all went over to catch our serial killer.

 ***

    i knocked on spencer’s door as he opened it, “how does dinner at the museum of astronomy and galactic beings sound? along with passes to see everything they have to offer?” spencer smiled brightly at my statement.

     “sounds amazing, let me get ready and we can head out,” he kissed my forehead and soon enough he was ready and we went to have an amazing date night in new york.

AUTHORS NOTE: thank you all for reading! i hope you enjoyed and i am currently taking requests

4.25.20

Hi there Sarc' ;) I am sorry if the question has already been asked but I thought it could be interesting to have your opinion about this. While I love most of the female characters in OP and think that most of them are well developed and can be truly good role models for girls I still feel that Oda sometimes has a sexist view on female characters (the jokes about the naked bath scenes for example or Kororo being considered ugly make me really uncomfortable). What do you think about it?

Ah, I wondered when I would get this question. 

When people talk about sexism in One Piece they typically are referring to two different things: How women are drawn, and how they’re treated within the narrative. While there’s some overlap here, there’s enough distinction that I want to address them as two separate points in two separate posts, because I guess I had Opinions, and by god there should be a limit to how much text one tumblr post can be expected to hold. Consider this an introduction.

Buckle up, kiddos. This is gonna be a long one. 

Nami Face Syndrome Isn’t the Problem...

An important thing to remember with Oda’s art and storytelling style is that almost everything is hyper exaggerated for effect. You don’t go into One Piece looking for realism. You don’t go into One Piece expecting the characters to act like normal people. Everything--from the art to the humor to the battles--is stretched and pulled to its absolute limit in hopes of garnering a particular reaction. When a character is sad they cry big bubbly tears with dribbles of snot coming from their nose. When they laugh their mouths take up half their face. 

And when a girl is hot, her tiddies are two great big watermelons stuck to the center of her chest.

What is often dubbed “Nami Face Syndrome” within the fandom is somewhat misleading. After all, why was Wanda, who is a literal dog that walks on two legs, decried as yet another Nami clone at her introduction? I would postulate it’s less to do with her face and more to do with the fact that from the neck down they are virtually identical, something that’s made more obvious because Wanda is literally wearing Nami’s clothes

What makes this frustrating for a lot of people, myself included, is that it’s not that Oda is incapable of drawing more diverse body types, but that he often chooses not to. Take for example the Kuja tribe

or the Charlotte family daughters (thanks to Arthur at Library of Ohara for the resource). It’s pretty clear Oda has the chops to make his women as weird as the men, and he often does! For important characters, even. And yes, as the Kokoro example given above sometimes the gonkness is brought attention to, but for others like Lola and Chiffon it’s...not. 

(more on mermaids later)

But Sarcasticles, one might protest, even Oda’s “ugly” characters have ginormous boobs! Where is my itty bitty titty committee representation >:(

To which I can only shrug. For Oda, boobs on a woman are like abs on men. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense, they’re gonna have ‘em

Seriously, Oda. What the fuck.

...So What Is?

I have a theory that’s impossible to prove, and that the problem isn’t so much Oda’s character design so much as the ratio of his male to female characters in general. It’s not that every female character is a Nami clone, but Oda has a template he uses for attractive female characters ages 16-25, the same way he uses Robin as a template for attractive women ages 26-35, which is how you get cases of mistaken identity like Viola for Robin or scenes during Reverie where one could be forgiven for thinking Nami’s supposed to be an identical triplet

 Oda does this for his men, too. It’s not as obvious because 1) Even men with similar facial features can have a wider variety body types due to Oda having a sliding scale of buffness he’s willing to attach to a pretty face and 2) There are more men. 

There are a lot more men.

In groups where the male to female ratio is more or less equal (Baroque Works, Big Mom’s kids) you get a wide variety of designs. But there’s only one female Supernova. There’s one female Warlord. CP9 only has one female agent. Only one of the Revolutionary Commanders is a woman. There are very few female background characters in crowd shots, especially among marines. Big Mom might be the only female Emperor, but she’s not young, In fact, when drawing her at age 28, Oda defaults to a much more generic “pretty girl” face before giving her much more striking, memorable features in her 40s

If you look at Oda’s male characters, the ones that are supposed to be hot are often given the same square jawline and the thin-bladed nose that at one point in time was reserved for Robin. Both Coby and Sabo had very distinctive noses before their glowups, while Ace must have had a laser treatment done on his eyebrows sometime between Alabasta and Marineford. 

But the biggest difference on the men has got to be muscle mass. The overgrown noodles of early One Piece are lost to the annals of time. Shanks alone must have gained 30 pounds of pure muscle from the time Luffy got his first bounty to his appearance at Marineford. 

Now, I will acknowledge that there is a difference between the increasing sexualization of female characters and the male power fantasy of giving Zoro bara tiddies post-timeskip. While I do think there are certain male characters specifically designed to be the Hot Dude, what I’m trying to emphasize here is that Oda works with templates for both men and women, and both of those templates have been exaggerated over time. Bigger boobs for women, more muscles for men. And when you’re only slotting for one girl in any given group, and that one girl has to be The Hot One then you’re going to have a lot of ladies that end up looking the same. 

My love for Otohime on this blog is well known, and I want to use her as an example of what Oda can do when he works beyond this template, because it’s really freaking good  

Otohime is neither conventionally attractive nor gonk. She’s dressed in very conservative, traditional clothing and has a narrow waist and small chest. 

There are no sharp edges on Otohime. Not her eyebrows, not her jaw, and most of the time not even her hands, emphasizing her gentle nature. You don’t see it as well in this panel, but Otohime’s head is often drawn wider than her shoulders, emphasizing her frailty. Oda gives her a longer neck to compensate, and the overall effect is a very soft, willowy figure. 

Her headpiece looks like a sunburst. The audience never sees her fins, so Oda gives her a scale patterned kimono-dress-thingy (my knowledge of Japanese clothing is, uh, not good) as a visual reminder that she’s not human. The sash that circles around her head harkens back to Japanese mythology as a symbol of divinity, similar to a halo in Western culture. And fun fact: Otohime is named after a god, just like Neptune, while her goals and ideals are pure enough to be heaven-sent. 

I’m not an artist, but this is a really damn good character design. A lot of Oda’s older female characters are. Dandan, Tsuru, O-Tsuru, Shakky, Kureha, Big Mom, and Nyon are all instantly recognizable and have strong designs, even if a few of them fall into the hourglass figure that Oda often defaults to. It’s just...there aren’t that many of them.

So the question becomes why aren’t there more women, and I think the answer is because, ultimately, One Piece is a series geared at boys. While I wish there were a few more important ladies, I can understand why there aren’t. 

Note, that doesn’t mean I think it’s right or that Oda is obligated to include more women. It’s just one of the facts of the shonen manga industry at this point in time. 

A more important question, I think, is why does every younger woman have to be attractive? And why do the attractive ladies have to wear outfits that are blatant fanservice? This is something I don’t have an answer for. Oda has said on more than one occasion that he writes One Piece with his twelve year old self in mind. It could be that it’s a calculated move to appeal to his audience, in which case it’s certainly worked because said Hot Ladies are constantly used in marketing and merchandising. It’s the Hot Ladies that top the popularity charts (although, to be fair, who’s there for competition?). In the most recent chapter a new Hot Lady was introduced, and the fandom went batshit crazy for her.

Even the fans who are very vocal about how Oda sucks at drawing women. It’s interesting how that works out sometimes.

Or maybe I’m giving Oda too much credit, and he’s just horny. Not having direct access to Oda’s mind, I don’t have an answer. If I had to guess I’d say it’s a little of Column A, a little of Column B, because that’s usually how life is. 

But in a vacuum big tiddies are just a design choice. An exaggerated aesthetic, in a series full of exaggerated aesthetics. It’s when that design choice is paired with in-story comments, actions, and decisions where things really start to get heated. But that’s a whole other ball of wax, and there should be a limit to how much one tumblr post can be expected to hold. I promise I’ll get to the meat of your question next time.

Thank you so much for your patience. I really do think it’s important to start here before diving into everything else, if only because it helps keep my thoughts organized. I hope you’ve found this helpful, and if not, I hope to do better next time. 

Mafia AU - Bokuto x fem!reader

Chapter 6 - Unexpected Events 

Chapter 5 - You are mine. ; Index ; masterlist

warnings: mentions of death and blood

Tuesday, 7pm 

Ushijima left about an hour ago, he stayed quite long after last night. Strange enough you had a feeling that he felt bad when he saw all the bruises he left on your body and how you frowned with every movement. 

You sigh and fall down on your sofa, pulling your blanket over your legs. 

Why have I chose this life again? You sigh and look over at the plush owl. 

Yeah why have you? At first you could say it was as if you were forced. Ushijima saved you this one night, that still hunts your dreams. Until that night you’ve always been naive, walking around the city at night, partying until the next morning or waking up in some strangers bed. 

That night you got into the car of those two guys, they told you they just needed to ‘talk with some of their guys’.  You got out of the car with them, the ‘other guys’ already waiting for them, but as soon as they saw you something changed. “We got something for us to have some fun” the one next to you said and pushed you forwards, you stumbled on the hard ground. The other got closer and you knew what was going to happen to you, but then he came. You still remember his words: “You’re here to work and not to take advantage of some innocent girl. GET THE FUCK OFF OF HER NOW!”. Then a shoot, and the guy who was feeling you up just seconds before fall down next to you. Blood running put off the wound on his head. The next thing you felt was his arm around your waist pulling you up, protectively pushing you against him, the gun in his other hand. You can still feel the warmth that filled your body in that moment. You never felt so save before.

Ushijima took you home that night and stayed until you felt asleep. The next morning you woke up finding some fresh croissants in your kitchen together with his number, saying that you should text him. And so you did.. and he asked you for one small favour. This favour was 2 years ago. You got used to all the money, the adrenaline and the fun. 

“I’m so sorry Bokuto.” You say and pull the owl into your chest, feeling the tiredness taking over your body you closed your eyes. 

Wednesday, 2am

Your eyes shoot open. What was this noise? Is someone at your door? Yeah there is definitely someone banging on your door. 

You grab your gun and walk over to your door. 

“Y/n.. please tell me you can hear me.” Wait you know this voice, but it sounds different? 

You look throw the door viewer and you see exactly what you feared to see. 

Quickly you open the door and help Bokuto in. Blood dripping out of a wound on his arm, his right eye is swollen and all in all he doesn’t look good, probably due to the blood loss. 

You guide him to your bathroom and he sits down on your toilet. 

“Can you take off your shirt?” You ask him and he nods, taking off his shirt. You grab a long tweezer and some bandages. FUCK your disinfectants are empty. “Bo, I’m sorry but I need to get vodka, I forgot to stock up on my disinfectants.” You look back at him, “Take that towel and press against the wound.” Hurrying back to your kitchen you grab the vodka and come back into the bath only to find Bokuto passed out. “FUCK!” You exclaimed and quicks check his pulse. 

Okay. Everything is alright. He just passed out. You quickly clean up the wound with the vodka, which eventually gets him back to reality. “SHITT” he groans. “I need to get the bullet out. Here bite on that towel.” You hand him the towel he was originally supposed to press on his wound. 

Carefully you remove the bullet with the tweezers and sew the wound together. You’re really glad you volunteered for the ambulance when you were 18. After putting on the bandage, you finally look into his eyes. 

“Bo, what happened?” Your eyes filled with sorrow. 

“Nothing major, one of the gangs that worked for us though it was a good idea to act up.”, He took a sip out of the vodka, “but don’t worry, I took care of them.” He lazily smirks. 

“Bokuto - “ you start but he interrupts you. “It’s fine really, I can go now if you want. Your apartment just was the nearest and I needed somewhere to go and you told me that you volunteered for the ambulance so, sorry if I caused trouble.” He gets up, his face twitched in pain. 

Why do all of them have to act so tough. You can’t even count the times Tosh stood in front of your door, with several wounds barley able to walk - all the convincing it took you to made him stay, it was ridicules. 

“Bokuto, please stay.” You stutter. He turns around and looks down at you. “Do you really want that?” He asks. You nod and take his hand leading him to your bedroom, gesturing to your bed. He hesitates at first but then took off his shoes and lays down.

“Do you need anything?” You ask him and he smiles. “Just you in my arms.” Your heart arches and you slowly walk towards him. You sit down next to him and he wraps his non injured arm around you to pull you down on his chest. After a few seconds you shift and wrap one arm around his waist, your head rests on his chest while you throw one of your legs over his. 

“Who caused them?” He asks, his fingers tracing the marks Ushijima left on your collarbone and neck. You gulp, already looking for an excuse. “Wait never mind, just tell me if it’s something serious with this guy?” He mumbles his fingers now run through your hair. “I really don’t know, it’s mainly sex but I-“ you sigh, you’ve actually always been confused about what this thing between you and Tosh is. “It’s fine, that just means that I have to take more effort in now to make you mine.” You feel your cheeks burn at his words - ‘To make you mine.’. 

As if you’re in trance you look at his eyes and push yourself up, to kiss him. Finally you feel his soft lips again. Switching the position you’re now sitting onto of him, deepening the kiss. You don’t know how much practice he got, but you’re melting in the kiss, both of you not wanting to break it. Soon after you need air, he gently stokes your cheek and gives you a perk on your lips. “We should sleep okay?” You whine in response. “No baby, we sleep now, we are not in the right state to get this more heated.” He chuckles as you mumbles something not understandable and cuddle back up on him. His arm pulls you tighter onto him, his face nuzzled in your hair, as you fall asleep to the steady beat of his heart. 

Wednesday, 7 am

You wake up by someone calling your name. 

“Hey, y/n.” Bokuto whispers in your ear while planting kisses on your temples. “Baby, I know you’re awake.” He laughs softly and you groan. “Just a few more minutes..” You mumble and cuddle closer to him, hiding your face in his chest, shielding your eyes from the morning sun. 

“Baby.. You need to get up. You have a class at 9am.” He stokes your hair and looks at you lovingly. You move your head, eyes fluttering because of the light and place a kiss on his jawline.

“I’ll just skip it.” You close your eyes again but Bokuto takes away the blankets and now you’re freezing. “OMG BO?!” Your eyes are now fully open and you look at him disgusted. “You don’t need to care about my education” you huff. Yes, you’re grumpy in the morning. Especially with the lack of sleep and your needed caffein.  “Go and get ready, I’ll make some coffee grumpy.” Bokuto laughs. “Wait, let me check your arm first.” You look at the bandage on his arm, which has a light red sport showing. “No, I’m fine, don’t worry about me. It doesn’t hurt anymore.” He lies, and clearly you know that he does, but you don’t have the energy right now to discuss this topic any further with him so you just sigh and make your way to the bathroom. 

Wednesday,  7:50 am 

“Here.” Bokuto places the cup in front of you, while you scroll through your phone checking your messages.  “Thank you Bo.” You smile, not lifting your eyes off your phone. “Should I drive you to your campus?” He asks and lifts his own cup up to his lips. “Would that be okay for you?” You now look at him. His hair is still messy, he has dark circles under his eyes, one of his eyes is still some colour of purple, his shirt isn’t buttoned up completely, leaving the upper buttons undone.  “You look like shit.” You state. “Oh you were the one putting vodka on my wound, how do you expect me to look?” He rolls his eyes in a joking way before he adds ”besides I’d put on a different shirt if I were you. There is quite some discolorations showing.” You groan, remembering the mess Ushijima left on your skin and get up to put on a T-Shirt with a higher collar. 

Wednesday, 8:40 am 

You get out of Bokuto’s car after saying your goodbye and promising him that you won*t ignore his messages and be save and most importantly text him if you’d feel uncomfortable. 

Walking towards the building your class is held in you receive a massage from Ushijima. 

From: Tosh 

Wait for me in the room after the lecture ends.  We need to meet Kags at the Casino afterwards.

You reread the message for five times and the ‘wait for me in the room’ won’t make any sense. 

“Hey Y/N!” Your best friends walk up to you and you great them putting your phone away. It’s Ushijima after all who knows why you need to wait there for him. 

Wednesday, 9:15 am 

The door opens and your faculty director walks in. “I’m sorry to announce that Professor Bernstein died.” All the student immediately start to whisper, all the crazies theories about his death coming up, “YET we quickly found someone who will take his place for the rest of the semester. Please welcome -“ you stop listening. You already know who he is, and now you know why your old professor has died all of sudden. You roll your eyes as Ushijimas lock with yours. 

Wednesday, 1:30 pm 

You told your friends that you need to talk with the Professor because of some essay you had to do. They just smirked at you “You don’t have to lie, we have eyes. He is hot as fuck, shoot your shot babygirl.” 

Sadly you weren't the only one staying in the room. Around 10 other female students are circling the desk Ushijima leans against asking him question after question - or more likely flirting with him. You huff. As if anyone of them would have a chance with him. The black hair one with this extremely deep cut shirt takes a step forward and - puts her hand on his chest? 

The more you watch her touching him, the more annoyed you get. You sigh loudly, getting attention. He smirks and tells the other girls off, which still try to stay ,but quickly run off as his presence changes, showing that that he was not kindly asking them. 

He slowly walks up to you. “Why?” You just ask him. “It was the Boss’s idea. We’re all worried about your safety since this Bastard picked you up on the campus and also came to you last night.” By now he reached the sport you’re standing, hovering over you. You open your mouth to say something but he’s faster “Don’t worry, I know you’re just playing your role babygirl.” He gently stokes your cheek. “Shouldn't we go now? I bet the others are already waiting.” You grumble and add “You took long enough answering those questions - about what? If your muscles are real?” If you could take back your words you would. The last part was supposed to be your thoughts only. “Is my baby jealous?” He smirks. Yes, yes you are jealous. You’re not used to see other girls flirt with him that offensively. Usually when the two of you are around others it was visible for everyone that he was with you. “Now you know how I feel, when I see you with Bokuto. So just imagine how you’d feel if you know one of them spends the night at mine.” He whispers the last part in your ear. Your stomach twists simply by the thought of some other girl sharing a bed with him. Your lack of answers is enough for him to smile softly. “Exactly baby. But don’t worry. I don’t want anyone else than you.” he gently kisses the soft skin behind your ear. “Now let’s get going, the boss is waiting”

taglist ( open ) : @kageyamasbraincell , @theduvetpirate , @tendouthighs​ ,  @lilacshouko​ @softhourswithseb​ @theperksofcoffee​ @cuddlesslut​ @chromaticstudio  @shhhlikeme, @kynyta​  @yammmers 

answering questions I’ve been asked on TikTok✨

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QUESTION: how did you get into reading?

So, when I was in middle school (many moons ago) we had this thing called AR Testing. Basically, you read a book and take a test on it—the questions were things that happened in the book, it was really simple. If you got a good grade, you got points. The more points you earned, the more eligible you were for the reading party at the end of each semester. Me, being the nerd I am, got top of my class because I went through 8th grade level books like it was nothing. The librarian at my school brought me books from the high school to read since everything was easy for me, and alas, my addiction began. And now that I have adult money, it’s a true addiction. Also, telling my father “I’m bored” and his response being, “go read a book or something” so thanks dad.

QUESTION: what’s one book you ALWAYS recommend to people?

This one is tough because I’ve read THOUSANDS of books, but if I had to choose one, it would probably be Confess by Colleen Hoover. I fell in love with her work in high school when I first read Ugly Love, but Confess is the type of book that pulls at your heart strings, y’all. It has everything people love: humor, sexual tension, drama, love. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK. Or honestly any book by Colleen Hoover—she’s a fucking amazing author.

QUESTION: outside of making TikToks, what do you do for a living?

I currently work at a restaurant and hate every second of it. If anyone tells you to become a server, DONT. It’s not worth the hassle, I promise you. Sure, you can make decent money but the amount of rude customers and shitty tips you receive each shift is very disheartening. If you really need a job, do anything BUT work in the food industry.

QUESTION: what’s your wattpad story about?

First question: which one? I have about 30 drafts sitting there waiting to be posted. But, I’m going to assume you’re talking about the Harry Styles fan fiction I’ve been working on for the past 4 years and haven’t had the courage to post. I’ll tell you a little about it: Elaine Aldridge is forced into a betrothal to a man she’s never met & loathes. She goes to his court and realizes things aren’t what they truly seem. And the guard her future husband sticks on her??? None other than Mr. Harry Styles. Add in some magic & deaths and you’ve got my story— The First Prince. (Honestly, that’s an extremely shitty description so if you wanna check it out go to my wattpad account)

QUESTION: how old are you?

Ahem. . . twenty-one.

QUESTION: what is your dream career?

Being a published author and having people rave about my books. That’s all. Or, an editor for a publishing company. Imagine reading all day and being paid for it🤩

QUESTION: what was your least favorite read of 2020?

I already KNOW I’m gonna get shit for this but....... the wicked king. YALL I LITERALLY COULDNT GET THROUGH IT IM SO SORRY, I STILL HAVENT FINISHED IT

QUESTION: current favorite author?

Sarah. J. Maas. I don’t know what it is about her writing style, but it’s addicting. Throne of Glass is hands down the best series I’ve ever read. A Court of Thorns and Roses is the first book I’ve EVER reread. Her stories truly suck you in and hold onto you—you get lost so easily in her writing and it’s like once you’re done with a series, nothing will compare. Or, at least that’s how I felt after finishing Kingdom of Ash. Honorable mentions: Jennifer L. Armentrout, Penelope Douglas, L.J Shen, Elle Kennedy and Kennedy Fox.

QUESTION: any recommendations/tips to give to a new reader?

I’ve always given this advice to people who want to get into reading: find what you like and start with that. If you like romance, I’ve got a list for you to choose from. Mystery? Another list. Sci-fi? I GOT YOU. Fantasy? Yes! Sports fiction? It might take me a second but I’ll find you a book. Nonfiction? I’m zero help in that category, honestly. The point of the matter is that you’re never going to enjoy a book if you aren’t interested in the underlying topics.

QUESTION: do you ever find yourself comparing your life to fictional life?

Yes. All the time. I daydream about being apart of the Inner Circle and living in Terrasen with Aelin and Rowan. I think about what it would be like to have real powers and a mate. It drives my boyfriend crazy—but he loves me anyway.

QUESTION: what are your most anticipated books of 2021?

Here’s a list:

A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

The Crown of Gilded Bones by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Gods and Monsters by Shelby Mahurin

Crescent City 2 (Untitled) by Sarah J. Maas

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer (I just ordered this one & it arrives tomorrow)

Blessed Monsters by Emily A. Duncan

QUESTION: why did you start a Tumblr?

Honestly, I used to love tumblr when I was in grade school (way too young to be on here then but what else is new). I like having an extra space to get my questions and comments out without having to compress it into a 60 second video for TikTok to see. Tumblr is a good place to blog & post things like this.

QUESTION: what’s your favorite song right now?

I’ve listened to Carry You by Novo Amor every day for the past two months and I cry each time.

QUESTION: why write Harry Styles fan fiction?

Simple: I love Harry Styles. I’ve been a fan of him and One Direction since they were on X FACTOR. Read that again. X. Factor. I used to watch their performances on YouTube before WMYB even came out. Of course, I love all of the 1D boys but I was always a Harry gal. And I look up to him in a way—I’ve read things about people wishing they knew him personally and honestly? I would never want to meet him. I like the version of him I’ve cooked up in my brain over the past 10 years. I like the symbiotic relationship I have with his music. Fine Line is a ✨masterpiece✨. HS1 is a ✨work of art✨.

now, some topics I’ve been asked way too many times and want to finally get to:

QUESTION: political views?

the saying “anyone but trump” has been in my brain for the past four years. No, I’m not a republican. No, I’m not a democrat. I like to think of myself as a progressive (ahem, liberal) Did I vote for a democratic candidate? Yes, and I’d do it again and again until the US isn’t one of the worst countries—I’m sorry, businesses— to be apart of. I wanted Bernie but got Biden, and I’m alright with that. And my girl Kamala🥳

QUESTION: how did you feel about the BLM protests?

I went to multiple BLM protests and donated a lot of funds to BLM & other organizations. It’s 2021, people... stop being fucking RACIST. And don’t be afraid to call racist people out! Black Lives Matter, even if no one is posting about it anymore.

QUESTION: thoughts on abortion?

your body your choice, queen! not my uterus, not my problem.

QUESTION: there was a comment on an old video of yours talking about r*pe, why did you delete the comment?

I made a video when I first started my account on TikTok about reading in public and feeling “turned on” by it. Go watch it if you don’t know what I’m talking about. BUT, some ignorant male decided to comment and say “this is how girls get r*ped”. Whew. So. I deleted the comment because ....

I am a victim of sexual assault. Along with a lot of other women. 1 in 5 women have been victims of sexual assault. Talking about being r*ped isn’t funny.

No one else needed to see his comment. I reported it immediately and his account was shut down.

I never got justice for what happened to me, and the fact that some random male—who had never even met me or seen me before my video showed up on his FYP—had the nerve to comment that? Unacceptable.

this question isn’t as controversial but

QUESTION: what’s the best way to get out of a toxic relationship?

okay, let me just start off by saying that the people around you who love and support you are going to be your backbone. Leaving a toxic situation is hard, and every situation is different, but my best piece of advice to offer you is don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your loved ones are going to be there for you when you need them, even if you don’t believe they will. If you explain what’s happening, someone you know and love will drop whatever it is their doing to make sure you get out safely. good luck my babes.

now, back to our regularly scheduled program:

QUESTION: any tips on making tiktoks?

Literally none. I post what I think is funny and relatable and if anyone agrees, I’m satisfied. Even if it’s one view, it’s good enough for me. So I guess my one tip is to not base your life off of an app and followers.

QUESTION: favorite Harry Styles fanfic?

DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE. Duplicity is up there, along with Stall 1&2, and Kiwi. After? Absolutely not.

QUESTION: favorite WEBTOON?

y’all already KNOW. LORE OLYMPUS BY USEDBANDAID. Rachel is a genius and I have reread the series a million times. Hades is my soulmate and Apollo can rot in the fiery pits of the Underworld. also, if we’re talking about other webcomics, reading Walk on Water on mangadex...🤫

QUESTION: favorite movie?

Howls Moving Castle. I will be getting my “a heart is a heavy burden” tattoo very very soon.

QUESTION: I read your Elain theory on tumblr, can you explain a little more?

I thought I was pretty straightforward but I’ll say it again: she is always the “good” one and it’s too suspicious. SJM has already given one Archeron sister a happy ending, Nesta’s is obviously inevitable, but Elain? She has too many options for a happy ending. Lucien, who is her “mate”. Azriel, who is intrigued by her slightly. Her human guy—I don’t remember his name—who is disgusted that she’s not human anymore. Or, alone, planting flowers all day. BUT! My point is that she’s not truly happy. She was forced into the Cauldron just like Nesta. She was ripped away from the life she loved so dearly and didn’t want to give up. The man she was going to marry now hates her guts because she’s a High Fae. She has the perfect set up for a villain plot line and I’m all here for it.

well, that’s all I feel like doing tonight. hope you enjoyed my little q&a! be kind, and talk to you later! byeeee!

GO Whumptober Day 31: Today’s Special- Torture [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9][10][11][12][13][14][15][16][17][18][19][20][21][22][23][24][25][26][27][28][29][30]

“You know,” Crowley heard, as he slowly woke. “Every hunter worth their salt has a tracking device they keep on their person. And his led me straight to you. So tell me the truth: where is Mathias?” 

Crowley opened his eyes to find himself in a mostly dark room, tied to a chair, plastic spread out on the floor around him, and floodlights hitting him right in the eyes. 

There was a woman standing in front of him, arms crossed and looking both unimpressed and threatening. 

“I mean-- I ate him.” Crowley answered, feeling a mite groggy, like he may have been drugged. The pounding in his skull backed up that theory. 

“Oh, a jokester. Funny. Mathias is my brother, so I hope for your sake he’s around here somewhere.” 

Crowley groaned.

“Mathias sent a child after me by lying to her about the source of her ma’s illness, and then he attacked when I turned up to help them, so I turned into a snake and ate him.” Crowley told her. “I’m not joking, and I’m awful sorry for your loss, though he was a bit of a prick.” 

The woman looked less than pleased with that answer, and paced back and forth a bit. 

“You wanna talk me through what you’re thinking, or would you rather wear a hole in that tarp?” He finally asked. 

“Well, your eyes say demon, so that makes your story a little more plausible. I don’t want to believe my brother’s dead, because if I come home without him, my father will be furious.” 

Crowley listened, nodding. 

“So I suppose,” she continued, “My options are to take you back to my father and let you tell him your story, and hope I get let off the hook while he kills you slowly, a little bit at a time, or, I do it myself, here and now, save myself the trouble of the roadtrip with you, and know I’ll probably kill you off faster than he would, so it’s really sort of a favor, on account of how you’re right, and my brother was a prick.” 

“Sounds like either way is pretty shit, as far as options go on my end.” Crowley quipped, and she huffed a little laugh. 

“Shame about you eating him,” she responded. “I feel like we really coulda grown to like one another.” 

---

Crowley swam in and out of consciousness for the next several hours, as this incredibly disturbed human woman made a game of removing bits of him and putting them in labelled mason jars. 

It really was like some kind of parody of a decor show, the way she tied little ribbons around each one, and labelled them with what they were and the time when she removed them from him. 

He had no idea where they were or how they’d got there, but she’d done a damn good job of making sure she wouldn’t be interrupted. 

He’d yelled and cried and screamed as loud as he could, but it seemed like there were no neighbors around to hear, or care, or help. 

And he had no idea where Aziraphale was. He wished he could call to him, though, reach him, ask for some kind of way out of here. 

“So it occurs to me,” Amber said, for that was her name, and Crowley hated that she’d bothered telling him about her, because he sympathized now, a little. 

“I haven’t had much opportunity to learn about demons, and how they react to things. For example:” She held up a bottle of salt. “I can make a circle with this, and you can’t leave it, yeah? But what happens if I just…”

She upended the bottle over his chest, slashed open and bleeding sluggishly as it was. 

He screamed again as the salt began to dissolve in his blood and sting at the open skin. 

She watched, dispassionately, and when he voice broke and his screams turned to little whimpers, she hummed to herself. 

“I’d say that was about on par with a human, actually.” She noted. “Which is a real pity, I expected more… fireworks, or the like.” 

Crowley twisted his wrist back and forth, trying again to work his hand free, but she laughed. 

His fingers were broken; she’d done that first thing, so even if he could get free, the act of summoning a miracle would be even more painful. 

“How about the old folklore fixes, eh? Silver? Iron? Garlic?” 

“Werewolves, fairies, and vampires. Not me.” He answered her, voice rough from screaming and ruining his attempt at sounding cool. 

“And how about holy water? Does that do anything?” 

He croaked out a little laugh.

“Tingles a bit. Demons use it as hot sauce.” 

He had loosened the duck tape around his wrist enough to be able to move his hand a bit, and he smashed it against the chair, forcing his broken bones back into some semblance of being hand shaped.

“Hm. Hot sauce, you say?” She asked, and he didn’t like that at all. He wiggled his fingers, braced himself, and summoned a miracle.

“Maybe I should go get you some, then. After all, you are being punished for having eaten my brother-- maybe keeping your mouth on a constant holy water drip will make the punishment fit the crime a little better.” 

Crowley sucked in air, in too much pain to try and figure out how to talk his way out of that one. 

“Did I hear,” A new voice said in the darkness, and Crowley felt his eyes filling with tears of relief, “That you are in the market for some holy water?” 

Aziraphale stepped forward, looking prim and proper as ever, and he’d even pulled out his halo and wings for the occasion. 

Amber looked up at him in awe.

“You’re an angel aren’t you?” She asked, and Aziraphale smiled. 

“I am. And it seems you’ve captured my own personal adversary.” He flicked his eyes towards Crowley, and Crowley whined at the cold expression in them. 

Oh, Aziraphale was pissed. And worse, he was righteous. 

“Oh, did you want to get in on this? It turns out he ate my brother, so…” 

“Were you aware,” Aziraphale asked, voice still light and sweet and casual, “That your brother had made a deal with devils? That your brother kidnapped me, and sold me to hell?” 

Amber took a step back as Aziraphale turned to look at her again. 

“What? No, I mean, Mathias was an arse, but…” 

“Your brother.” Aziraphale said, advancing on her, “Was a monster. And so are you.” 

Crowley could not actually see what happened, but he did see that Aziraphale did not so much as lift a finger. 

Amber screamed and fell to her knees, her eyes bleeding, her mouth wide open and her tongue suddenly missing. 

“Crowley, darling, I think you had better close your eyes.” Aziraphale warned him, and, when he’d obeyed, he could see the bright holy light that suddenly shone throughout the room even through his closed eyelids. It stabbed into him and set his head off again, and he whimpered. 

Just as fast as it began, it ended, and then Aziraphale was there. 

“Alright, here we are, I am so sorry. Come on, let’s get you out of here, get you healed up.” 

“What-- what did you do with her?” Crowley asked. “She was just-- her and Mathias both, their dad…” 

“Oh, I know.” Aziraphale told him. “I sent her body back to her father, covered in writing that tells the entire story of their awful line. No further children will be born to them. The old man will see his daughter, read my letter, and then never see again. And whatever monster he is running from will finally be able to catch up.”

Aziraphale’s voice echoed with a sort of certainty, a knowledge beyond what they knew, and Crowley realized he was tapping into the weapons available to angels in the most extreme of circumstances. The sorts of weapons he’d have been given back in the beginning, back when it was a very real war, and he’d been set out to kill demons like Crowley. 

Instead, now, he was using those powers in defense of a demon. 

“I don’t think heaven’s gonna like this too much.” Crowley told him, head lolling as they moved, and suddenly Crowley realized he was being carried. 

“I don’t give two fucks what heaven does and doesn’t like!” Aziraphale said hotly, but sounding more like himself. “I won’t let anyone take you from me again!” 

Crowley smiled at that, even though, as they crossed out of the darkness and into the sunlight, his headache flared up, and all the moving was jostling the salt in his chest wounds. 

He was woozy and in and out of it, and Aziraphale got him laid out on the grass by a roadside, the day crisp and bright and lovely, and Crowley felt cold and vague. 

“That crazy bint killed me, didn’t she?” He asked, and Aziraphale’s eyes flashed, brighter even than the noonday sun. 

“Not if I’ve anything to say about it.” He answered. “I am so very sorry,” He added, softer and sweet. 

Crowley sighed, trying not to tense even though he knew what was coming next. 

Or, he thought he knew. Aziraphale had done some laying of hands on him before, once or twice, and it was terrible for them both each time. They both suffered when they went about helping one another that intimately. So he tried to prepare for more pain. 

What he felt instead, though, was Aziraphale’s hand on the side of his face, and then his lips on his, and he was kissing him back to life. 

And somehow, it didn’t hurt. 

It was like being dunked suddenly into a cold pool, a shock to the system, unpleasant, but bracing. He felt alert again, like he’d just woken, and he felt the pain in his chest going away, the throbbing in his fingers ceasing as everything straightened out and reknitted itself, pieces regrowing and reattaching and healing. 

And Aziraphale was kissing him. 

When he was done, Crowley chased after his retreating lips, panting and confused. 

“That didn’t-- it didn’t hurt me at all. Did it-- are you alright?” He demanded, sitting up and reaching for Aziraphale to catch him in case he fainted from the efforts.

But Aziraphale just smiled. 

“When God said she wanted us to be closer,” He said, sounding, finally like himself, “I suspect this is more what she had in mind.” 

“You mean I could have been kissing you since winter?” 

Aziraphale laughed and helped Crowley to his feet. 

“If we weren’t so scared, I would say we could have been kissing for much longer than that. But, yes. I don’t think we’ll have any problems with healing one another any longer.” 

Crowley felt tears coming to his eyes again, and he grabbed hold of Aziraphale and held onto him tightly. 

“Let’s go find somewhere that’s quiet.” He requested. “Somewhere out of the city. You bring your books, I’ll bring my plants… and with any luck neither of us will have to heal the other ever again.” 

“Oh, Crowley.” Aziraphale said on a sigh, “That sounds delightful. How do you feel about the south downs?”

“If you’re there?” Crowley told him, as he reached to pull him into another kiss. “Better than heaven could ever be.”

JULY PICKS

What emotions I experienced this month! Does the CW understand that they can’t have TWO series finales happen on back to back days? It’s hard enough to say goodbye to one show. From binge-watching to theater going there’s a lot to talk about; so let’s get started!

Are you really shocked that there’s a SPOILER warning? 

STRANGER THINGS

We’ll start with one of the first watches of the month: the third season of Stranger Things. I teased at the end of last months wrap up that I might do an entire post just on this last season, but time got away from me. Nonetheless, I’ll try to keep it short. (Or try) ;)

THIS IS ANOTHER SPOILER WARNING!! DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE THIRD SEASON OF STRANGER THINGS!! But I’m sure you have already. 

Don’t watch the finale at 12:30 in the morning or later, unless you want to cry. That was just me...okay. But seriously, why Hopper? Now I know since it was released everyone has theories that Hopper’s not gone for good. We didn’t see him turn to ash like those Russians. There was a look but not enough to warrant this is the end. And of course the notorious, “The American” line during the after the credits scene. I just hope this isn’t TOO overly obvious making it not true because that will really upset me...A LOT.  I love the fact that El is staying with Joyce. (It makes complete sense that she would.) Don’t love that she doesn’t have her powers. I thought it was interesting in the end how Mike and El are like ‘See ya later,’ because they’re moving, but Jonathan and Nancy feel like they’ll never see each other again. I don’t know if that’s supposed to be because El and Mike are kids and their love isn’t as deep? Either way I really hope this isn’t the end of Jonathan and Nancy. Big fan of Steve (as usual) and Robin and honestly just the whole Scoops crew (”It’s not America without Erica!”). They were definitely one of my favorite story lines of this season (and there were many). I feel bad that Steve is without love again this season, but I love his relationship with Robin and I think they did a great job introducing her character. I’m excited to see what happens next season with her. Overall, just really like all the relationships this season. Of course Dustin’s girlfriend is real and yes I haven’t been able to get that song out of my head since. Big fan of El and Max getting some girl time. El exploring the mall was one of my favorite scenes. It was also great to see so many old stores (shout out to Sam Goody!). While this season was definitely the darkest so far, I really liked the energy it brought and am excited to see what’s next. My only big suggestion is to give Will more actions than just touching his neck when something bad happens. We know he’s capable of so much more after season 2 and I’m upset he didn’t do more this season. Oh and always make sure to give us a cool team up scene where they circle around each other ready to attack. (See below--it’s the best one I could find, but you know what I’m talking about.)

Jane the Virgin

One of the two series finales I’ve watched this month. It’s so bittersweet when a show is over. You hope they do it right and don’t want any loose ends, and at the same time you’re so sad it’s over. (Or you have that weird feeling where you’re in denial and expect another new episode next week.) Jane the Virgin was a show that I started bingeing this year and I knew would be upsetting when it ended. (I mean I was upset when I had no new episodes to watch.) But I am really happy (and satisfied) with how they ended it. The hour long special prior to the finale was a nice touch looking back on the show and talking about how revolutionary it was for the time period (especially when it started). There still is nothing else like it on TV and I’m not sure anything ever will be like it again. I loved all the magical realism they included in it and how despite all the crazy moments (”speaking of telenovelas..”), it was so relate-able. As someone who was Team Michael from the beginning, I grew to really love Jane and Rafael. So the start of this season when Michael came back with his amnesia and then when he got his memories back was extremely frustrating and I wasn’t always excited to watch it. But once that plot was resolved it became more entertaining for me. I love Matteo and the girls. Petra’s character development was HUGE and she has become one of my favorites-especially her sisterhood with Jane. Xo and Ro, Alba and Jorge. It’s really sad to say good-bye to all of these characters. I might have to re-watch some old episodes...     

iZombie

Wednesday was Jane the Virgin’s series finale and Thursday was iZombie. Like I said earlier: really CW? After a “minor” hiccup of the episode not taping (Okay, I was really upset about the fact I had to wait to watch it on demand), I watched it the next day. This season there was SO MUCH going on from the Dead enders, to Fillmore Graves, and then Liv’s dad. As we were quickly approaching the end, I wasn’t sure how they were going to address everything and then I was really hoping that they weren’t going to drop the ball on anything. But the finale really delivered (as all seasons did). All of these story-lines came to a head and Seattle saw its war on zombism that was bound to happen. There were casualties and people becoming zombies that I didn’t see coming, but in the end the cure was FINALLY created. Lots of twists and turns to get there and then we jumped ten years. I liked looking into the future and hearing from Clive, Ravi and Peyton. Deep down I knew Liv couldn’t be dead, but they did have me worried for a little bit. Or for the fact that they didn’t know she was alive. So it was a really nice touch in the last few minutes where Liv and Major spoke with them. (Btw super happy that they were endgame. I desperately wanted it this season and they didn’t have too many scenes until the last few episodes, so I didn’t believe, but PHEW!) One question I still have is what is Seattle like now? Do only zombies live there now or is Liv’s family the only remaining zombies? It was a little confusing to me. Let me know if you better understood it.  

The 100

Disclaimer: I have not watched the finale..yet. I’m sorry. But this is relating to all the episodes leading up to it. 

Something I’m noticing with a lot of the shows this summer season is that the second half is more intriguing. I tend to save up a lot of episodes and then when a certain plot line starts to pick up I feel more invested. This season of the 100 has been like that for me. But since the group (or should I say Bellamy) discovered that Clarke was alive and then she fought with Josephine, I have found it really entertaining. I like the transformation that Octavia has gone through, Echo has really grown on me (believe it or not) especially since watching her backstory, and as usual Murphy is one of my favorites. In the last episode I watched when Clarke goes back and pretends to be Josephine I love how we got to see who Murphy was truly loyal to. And then when Clarke talks with them and he says Josephine called him John. So good. The only part I’m really not a fan of his Maddie’s story-line. i just feel like we’ve got so much other stuff going on that it feels forced. But then again it will probably play a big part in the finale. 

As a huge Bellarke fan since day one I have been taking in all of these moments between them these past couple of episodes and seriously feel like if they don’t get together next season (which is their last) it will be a mistake. Bellamy’s face when Clarke was dying...He needs her and her him. Come on Jason! (Okay rant over. If you want more Bellarke see my page: Lydia-yougowith-Stiles.)    

KRYPTON

I know this SYFY original started its second season back in June, but I truly didn’t start to catch up until July. (Like A LOT were saved on my DVR and I did seriously think about cutting it loose.) I enjoyed the first season and the story of Superman’s grandfather and was interested to see what would happen in season two. The beginning of this season felt slow for me though. I just wanted most of the characters reunited and to know that Seg was alive. I had a feeling Brainiac would somehow be in him because it would be too easy if the villain was gone. Once people started interacting with each other it held more of my attention and then once SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER.......  Lyta “died.” (It’s really only on a scifi show that you can put “died” in quotes.) That really through me off. I didn’t think she’d die. So was I completely shocked when it was revealed that she didn’t die and her clone did instead- a little? I was more upset. I felt like for her character to die would work because characters would transform and react in a way that would stir up the show. Like I said this was one of the reasons why I stayed tuned in. I mean there’s still a chance (haven’t watched the last episode of this either) that she will die, but I have a feeling she won’t. I like seeing Val alive and present on the show rather than just a hologram in the fortress. Seeing Dev and Jayna team up has been really great. I always enjoy Nyssa and Seg’s relationship and just about jumped up and down when JOR-EL GOT HIS NAME!!! You knew it had to be him all along, but at the same time I was like when is it going to happen? It was so epic with the dramatic pause and the Superman theme playing in the background. One of the best parts of this season (in my opinion). Now they just have to get him back. 

PANDORA

I feel like I’m watching a lot in the Sci-Fi genre this summer. This CW show was one that I hadn’t heard of before the first episode aired. It grabbed me because there were so many familiar faces in the cast. (If you’ve watched shows like The Librarians, Ride or Free Rein you’ll know what I mean.) It follows Jax who lived on one of Earth’s colonies called New Portland, which was recently bombed. She was the only survivor. As she makes her way to Earth, to live with her Uncle and attend the academy, she is on a mission to solve her parents’ death and discover what truly happened. This is VERY Sci-Fi (which shouldn’t come as a shock I know). It’s cast of characters include humans, telepaths, aliens, clones, and part cyborgs. In the first episode you’re introduced to A LOT of characters, so it’s a little information overload. I also find that when I start a new episode it often feels like you’ve missed a previous one or that you started midway. I think it’s because of the styling of the episodes. They often jump a lot of time without telling you, or think you understand a definition, but really don’t. (There’s something involving Jax’s past that I still don’t 100% get.) But there’s something about this show that has me actually caught up with episodes. Right now it feels very much like a first season because the episodes are (not to use the same word) episodic. Something happens and then is solved the same episode. There’s an overarching plot, but it’s just in the background (probably until the finale). With the large cast of characters there are also a lot of ships and almost everyone interactions lead you to believe they could be a couple, so i feel very conflicted. RIght now though I keep getting drawn back to Jax and Xander. 

The Outpost

This CW Fantasy debuted its second season not too long ago. (I feel like I group it with Pandora because 1) they’re both summer shows and 2) not your typical CW style. I like the representation of Fantasy and Sci-Fi on the network.) I enjoyed the first season last summer, but it is REALLY hard for me to get into this season. I usually put this show off for a couple weeks and watch it when I have nothing else to watch. I think it’s because of the new black blood as well as Gwynn’s plot. Maybe it’s because last season there was already so much action and looking at this season we are trying to get more names and summon a demon army for Gwynn who awaits the Prime Order. And that’s been going on for about 3 out of 4 episodes? (Wow there’s only been 4 episodes?) Last episode with the return of Garret I found myself liking it more. I also like how Dred isn’t the head villain. We now know who he answers to. So that will be interesting to explore. I just hope the show picks up a little more. 

AT THE MOVIES

Yesterday

I was very excited for this movie to come to theaters. I thought the concept was great-strange but great. What if you knew all the Beatles songs, but no one else did? Jack Malik is a struggling musician who just can’t get his big break, so when he gets hits by a car and is the only one who remembers the band he does what anyone else would: play the songs as if they were his. I enjoyed most of the movie (and the inclusion of others who also remembered the Beatles), but did not like the ending. It brought down the movie for me. I’ll be good with this one and not give much away, but after you watch it let me know what you think. 

Spider man Far From Home

Another movie that I was very excited to see in theaters and it did not disappoint. I was a fan of Homecoming and was interested to see Tom Holland as the webslinger once more. Great dynamics with the cast. Loved Ned and Betty’s relationship. Zendaya’s MJ is one of my favorites and I liked her awkward interactions with Peter and how she was suspicious of him. All the echos back to Tony made me tear up. The scene in the plane when Peter is making his suit and the same song from Ironman plays and he’s basically doing the same moves. It hurts to just think about it now. I didn’t know about Mysterio before going into the movie, but it still wasn’t a shock what his true motives were. Especially because it seemed solved so early in the film. I think his reasonings make complete sense, which made him an entertaining villain. When first seeing the trailer I didn’t know how I felt about Jake Gyllenhaal, but I really liked him (and all the interviews he did promoting the movie, especially this one:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3FcCz2y2mM. Watch it. You’ll like it!) That first after credits scene was CRAZY! First I was dying at the return of J.K. Simmons and then the reveal! Can’t wait for it to come out so I can watch it again and again. 

*************************************************************************************

That’s a wrap! Any of my picks yours? If not what did you watch this month? Let me know in the comments!         

Homestuck Epilogue(s) - Prologue (page 1)

I've just read right until the end of the first Prologue page. Under the Read More are my initial reactions!

Oh boy... it's time. Time for the Epilogues... assuming it's available yet and/or the link on homestuck.com doesn't lead to a VIZ Media buy link for a book form of the Epilogue, I could also see that happening. xD plainWonder also had a good point that perhaps the first part of the epilogue will simply be the snaps we already saw on the MSPA Snapchat. ...Snaps almost feels like a weird thing to say now. I think they've just gotten a way darker meaning for me ever since watching Avengers: Infinity War. xD ANYWAY, without further ado, here we go!!! *clicks link* Hehn, kind of looks like the start page of an all new adventure! And yay, looks like the epilogue IS indeed simply on the website itself and not externally, for I see a command leading to the next page! *hovers over link of > Start and sees URL* www.homestuck.com/epilogues/prologue ....SERIOUSLY??? PFFFFFFFF, typical Hussie right there. Only HE can give an epilogue a prologue. xD Oh boy this is gonna be a long epilogue isn't it. The question is, how much of it is available here already? And what is the prologue even going to be? Will they just be the snaps we've already seen? I'm very curious where this is going now. > Start ....HOLY FUCK. Archive of our own parody??? Or an actual Archive of Our Own "fanfic"???? Oh jegus god. We've truly come full circle now that Hussie is doing a parody of a website famous for housing Homestuck fanfics. Looks like Andrew collaborated with a few people? "Rating: Mature" Sounds about right! "Category: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other" Sounds about right! "Fandom: Homestuck" Sounds about right! "Characters: John Egbert, Rose Lalonde, Dave Strider, Jade Harley, Jane Crocker, Roxy Lalonde, Jake English, Dirk Strider, Barack Obama" Sounds about ri...WAIT A SECOND. PFFFFFFFFFFFFF Hell fucking yes xD "Aradia Megido, Tavros Nitram, Sollux Captor, Karkat Vantas, Kanaya Maryam, Terezi Pyrope, Vriska Serket, Gamzee Makara, Eridan Ampora, Feferi Peixes, Aranea Serket, Meenah Peixes, Davepetasprite^2, Calliope, Caliborn, Lord English, Original Male Character(s), Original Female Character(s)" Well if this isn't a joke, I'd be VERY happy to see Eridan and Feferi again along with the rest of the gang! Aranea though!!!! That's got me very curious. Is she alive (as in, dead but not double dead)??? I know that was really ambiguous on whether or not she was double dead or not after being killed by GO!Condesce. Kind of sad the other A1 Trolls aren't on the list. Hmm, mention of Davepetasprite^2 but nothing of the other Sprites! Makes sense if this is mainly taking place in the Furthest Ring. Wait a second.... I only just noticed how Equius is the only A2 Troll missing from this list!!! And no true separate mention of Nepeta either. Oh man. Looks like Arquiusprite (who should be on Earth) is also sitting this one out! ...Equius got voided out. :P I also find it very interesting how Caliborn receives a separate mention from Lord English! Are we going to see something from the fight that took place between Caliborn and the Kids? ...Wait, that DID feature Arquiusprite though, who is missing from this list. HMMMMMMM And oh boy, what should we expect from the "original male character(s), original female character(s)"????? Are some of the people from Universe C going to factor into this? Assuming we can take this list of characters seriously... which I kind of doubt considering Barack Obama is on the list. xD ...THOSE CONTENT WARNINGS. OH MY GOD. Oh god I love this already. Kankri would be so proud. :P "The Economy" ==> I got that reference! xD I love all the Gamzee related content warnings. "Trickster Mode" I DARE YOU HUSSIE "Ten years after their adventure began, the heroes are enjoying a well-earned retirement on Earth C. But John still has one last choice to make." HOLY SHIT. 10 years later?! That's... 2 years later from the last thing we saw from John, when he celebrated his 21st birthday and was challenged by Caliborn! Wait... 10 years after the start. THAT'S NOW. It's frickin 2019!!!!! Oh hell yes, Andrew has made it catch up to reality once more. HELL YES. What is the "one last choice" John has to make? To go after Caliborn, which will presumably get them trapped inside the Plot Hole (which is still a term I love to use)? Jeez... that probably means it's also already been so many years since Terezi left. I can't recall on which of John's birthdays it was. Was it his 17th? 18th? I'll check that later. In the contents there is only a "Prologue" link... Oh boy, is this going to lead straight to Archive of Our Own? *hovers over link* www.homestuck.com/epilogues/prologue/1 Nope! Unless this redirects, we're staying on the Homestuck website. *clicks on link* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Oh god WALL OF TEXT. Looks like... this really is going to be like a "fanfic", without any images?? I suddenly feel like we're reading one of Hussie's recaps and/or Rose's walkthrough. xD "It starts with a crack. Everything else rises up from that like steam: a trembling thread that cuts through space in jagged lines, splintering the void into razor-sharp shards of putrefying leptons and quarks popping apart like raw eggs in a microwave." Only Hussie could write a sentence like that, ahahaha. Seems like he's talking about the cracks in the Furthest Ring? Are these... going to turn out to be, like,  notes taken by his self-insert who was also right there in the Furthest Ring? :P "raw eggs in a microwave" Well, that explains the "eggs" content warning. xD "At the center of that hole the edges can be heard fraying. Pandemonium, as continuity buckles in the middle and the two ends come smashing together. Around the hole, ghosts scream. They claw at the dying borders of their dreams with fingernail-chipping desperation." Dang, these descriptions are giving me shivers. It reminds me of the sight that Terezi saw in the Furthest Ring and sent to the others on Earth. "At the center, that distortion turns into an eerie music. That’s where the cacophony ends—the shattering, the screaming, the squelching, the sounds of elemental particles being torn apart like string cheese shoved through a meat grinder, then dumped down a strangely melodious garbage disposal." Okay I'm sorry, but I can't help but think of the garbage disposal in Dave's appartment. ...I was saying that as a joke, but now that I think about it actually, this reminds me of how I once made a theory of how that disposal scene was some foreshadowing for the creation of Lord English, mostly because of the Saw and purple Smuppet stuff, but now suddenly the garbage disposal element comes into mention here too. HMMMMMMM "This is the end of everything. This is the end of Paradox Space. You..." Oh man, where is this going? Is it going to turn out there's some kind of other realm beyond the Black Hole that all of the ghosts got sucked into? Like, a true kind of afterlife? "Your name is John Egbert, and you have just had a terrible, deeply pretentious nightmare. You snap out of bed, soaked in sweat, your heart hammering like a fire alarm. It is just as you feared." And suddenly we're John! Has the images Terezi sent them been leaving him with these kind of nightmares? Eeesh.... "You’ve been dreaming in anime again. And you have no idea what it could mean." ...OH GOD DAMN IT HUSSIE YOU BRILLIANT BASTARD. XD "> Look outside just to make absolutely sure the world is not ending." And suddenly we're in Act 1 all over again. :P "The only sound you can hear for miles is the wind skimming the hollows of your neighbors’ pipe homes." Oh hell yes, reference to the wind skimming the void. And heh, at least that last part confirms we're really in the present now where John lives in his salamander neighborhood, not that we're actually somehow back at the events of Act 1 or something. "It’s a normal day in the salamander village, which you refer to as Salamander Village because the damned salamanders never bothered to give this village a name, you guess." ...I could see that. xD That must mean there are like hundreds or thousands of those kinds of villages, hahahaha. Really mustn't be convenient for any non-Consort people trying to navigate over there. :P "Beside your pillow, your phone is vibrating. Rose is calling. The screen of your phone reads 9:30 a.m. April 13, and also the number forty-six, which is how many text messages your friend left you while you were sleeping. A bit excessive, even for her." Rooooooooose! Okay, that's a huge relief to me. I kind of feared they'd all completely drifted apart in the past few years and hardly heard from each other anymore, so I'm really glad to see Rose talking to John is apparently still a thing. And that she's still apparently as wordy as ever. :P I wonder if we're gonna get a dialog (or Rose monologue) now? "Answer the phone" Oh hell fucking yes, here comes some sweet, sweeeeeet dialogue/monologue! "ROSE: Since when are you known to operate your telephone? JOHN: since... i don’t know. has it really been that long since i called? ROSE: I can’t remember the last time. JOHN: neither can i. anyway, what’s up?" Awwww, okay that's sad to hear. I take back what I said earlier, looks like they really don't hear from each other that often anymore. :( "ROSE: Am I correct in presuming this April Thirteenth will be as uneventful as the last? JOHN: yeah, i don’t want to do anything this year. i hope that’s ok." Looks like he still feels the same way like the past few years. D: I feel so sad for John. This really doesn't feel like a happy ending for him. If only he still had his Dad... "All over the neighborhood, the little dad-salamanders are putting on their little rumpled hats and picking up their little suitcases and kissing their little families goodbye for the day" Okay, on one hand the comparisons with John's own family situation are really sad, but I can't help but ROFL that Rumpled Hats are still a thing in this society. "You’ve always been confused about what, exactly, they contribute to the global economy. But it’s pretty cute how much they love playing at being suburban businessmen." Hey, there's where the Economy content warning came from! And it didn't even have to do with Barack Obama! xD "The silence over the phone is growing awkward. You’ve stalled long enough. You decide to just come out and say it." Oh boy... what is he going to say? Something about how sad he is with the current situation? "JOHN: i’ve been dreaming in anime again lately." PFFFFFFFFFFF, JOHN. JOHN NEVER CHANGE. We're getting some hella sweet new quotes here. :P Also, I'd find it really funny if it turns out he's been dreaming of the events of Act 7 which, from our perspective, were rendered in anime form. "JOHN: i have no idea what it could mean. ROSE: I see." Rose, looks like you've found someone to psycho-analyze again! xD "JOHN: whenever i have these dreams, everything’s breaking apart. JOHN: millions of people are screaming and dying. JOHN: i mean, dying permanently. not the kind of bullshit dying that we’ve been doing a lot over the years." Okay so he WAS actually dreaming the stuff we read at the beginning of this prologue then. I love how he calls "their" dying bullshit. " JOHN: what do you think it all means? ROSE: What do I think ‘what’ means? JOHN: what do you think it means that i’ve been dreaming in anime? ROSE: I don’t have the slightest idea what it means that you’ve been dreaming in anime, John. ROSE: To be honest, I... You wait for Rose to finish her thought. She doesn’t, which is troubling because you have never known Rose to leave a thought unfinished in over ten years of acquaintance." That's... indeed quite troubling! Normally this kind of thing is truly Rose's specialty. What's going on over on her side? I mean, it did seem like there was more she wanted to say than just "happy birthday". ....Thinking back to the content warnings... is Rose or Kanaya pregnant??? I don't want to put too much trust into those content warnings though. :P "ROSE: I held out for as long as I could. I figured your birthday was as good a time as any to let you know. JOHN: let me know what?" HERE IT COMES!!!!! "ROSE: It’s crept up on me, these last couple of years. ROSE: Gradually enough to ignore as it was happening, but I can’t anymore." ...Wait what??? Oh god, that does sound different from having a baby. Oh man, please don't tell me she wants to divorce from Kanaya. D: "ROSE: Lately the visions have been overwhelming. JOHN: visions??" Ohhhh, visions! Huh. What kind of visions? About Caliborn? About what's happening in the Furthest Ring? Something else? "ROSE: Would you mind flying to my apartment, so we can continue this in person?" Wait a second. She lives in an apartment now? Looks like unlike John she didn't stay in her old house! Interesting how she moved into an apartment, like Dave originally lived in. "You move the phone away from your ear and assume an expression you haven’t practiced in years. It is the look of a man who actually has something to do." Dang, he must have been getting REALLY bored all this time. That time alone on LOMAX must have been peanuts compared to this. "As you hang up the phone, a familiar feeling settles over you. A feeling of...standing?" ...Has he been floating the entire time? "Standing, and being alone. In your bedroom. As a young man. On your birthday." OH SNAP. I got the reference now. xD "A young man stands alone in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, is this young man’s birthday. Though it was twenty-three years ago when he was given life, and ten years ago when he was given a name, it feels like it is only today that he will begin to understand what all that means. That young man is YOU, John Egbert. What will you do?" HOLY FUCKING SHIT. OH DAMN. OH SHIT. THAT IS WAY FUCKING EPIC MAN. This is giving me HELLA goosebumps! I'm VERY curious about that final part means, about "understanding what all that means".... Okay, this seems like a good place to end for the day, but I'm VERY excited to start reading the rest!!! Homestuck is BACK IN ACTION baby! Last Edit: 1 minute ago by Blaperile

on ‘BE’ing here: part i

rambling of sorts on Grammy nominated artist Bangtan Sonyeondan

(note 1: I was planning to complete this the day of the nomination, but judging from the state of how things are - this right here is the opportune moment to, as my friend Mint had put it, clear out whatever I’ve been wanting to do but didn’t get the time to)

When Spotify announced, loud and clear, on that 2020 Year-End summary instagram story, Dynamite was the song that helped me through 2020 (this fuck-up of a year), that wasn’t an understatement.

I’ve seen Bangtan before, heard of them in passing, even (slightly, really slightly - when you’re hanging out in film-dom or western doms, I doubt you’d come in contact with a full-fledged Korean dom as it is, or perhaps my circles were small and quite closed in on themselves. Regardless!) - and opened that Boy With Luv SNL performance for my parents on the TV in the living room, not long after they went on the show. But it took that one song, one full English song, for me to listen.

(sorry and thank you Namjoon for that diss. Yes, the song’s message’s definitely digestible and easy to consume - for foreign, western audiences. No one much had to care what you guys had to say way back when and they were wrong for it.)

Dynamite pretty much saved my life. (Still waiting for that damn vinyl, BigHit. Think I’ll get it come new year’s.) 

The first time I started listening, I couldn’t really stop. I think I played and replayed and replayed the song 20++ times as I did mundane household chores which were asked of me in the morning. Sunday August 24th, my life was transformed (and my digital and physical wallets along with it. Sobs.)

I had no idea who was singing which part, no idea which boy was which, but what got me in, locked and loaded and in place, were the beats, the uplifting sounds that got me dancing again after a messy heartbreak caused by a personification of immaturity who had refused to let go. I was only one week into my new job (old job again now. Such is the way of life - and we lead separate ones now, no reason to cry over invisible lives and imagined smiles or smirks of satisfactions I am not in any current position privy to - or will ever be. Thank God.) 

Then there were the messages - the lyrics - “I’m diamond, you know I glow up.” - I mean, Yes, Fucking YES - Kim Seokjin, of course I’m a piece of precious Jewel. Of course I am one and whole of myself and one of a kind (apologies for being cliches, felt good to type out loud right). Asked on Twitter who the “other black-haired” guy was and learned that it was Hobi. Spent time watching a couple of interviews, took 3 hours to tell the boys apart (”You had a lot of free time,” Shareef said, amused, and I quite abashedly admitted to him yes.), and picked him as my bias (little did I know).

I was attracted (still am) to sunshine. I needed smiles and laughters like his in my life. He stood out to me in almost every interview, beaming with his heart-shaped lips and his eternal catchphrase - “I’m your hope.” I was exactly at that point in my life when I needed to hear that. From him, in that voice, from those lips, with those eyes.

And I thought, dear god. I’m always attracted to guys who bring smiles to my face. Of course it has to be him.

(Natalie replied “You’ve joined the party!” in a reply to my screencap of Taehyung wearing those adorable black-rimmed glasses on Stephen Colbert not long after. 

That Beatles-Boy With Luv performance remains one of my favorites.)

Bangtan has since performed and performed and performed Dynamite, and to this day I and the rest of the fandom have witnessed and seen about 30++ performances of Dynamite, and it has yet to grow old on us. (Well.) I swear I can still play the song at least once a day, and that irresistible bubble of hope in Jungkook’s voice in the opening simply shines through. The rest of the song just does its magic - every single time.

I mean, “Life is sweet as honey,” “I’m in the stars tonight,”? Talk about hope, about confidence, looking forward. Straight and simple as that. I had yet to discover what BTS truly has in store.

Note 2: My favorite dance move in the performance itself is Hoseok’s, for the Japanese taping (FNS Music Festival) right here. 

After Dynamite, I burned through the usual favorites, seeing as there was a literal treasure trove of Bangtan songs to discover and listen to, thanks also to this chart.

Go Go and Pied Piper are fun teases to listen to every now and then. Their Halloween dance practice and MNet countdown (I could die over Tae’s clear-rimmed glasses) are bundles of colorful energy. (Until I came across Lotte 2018 Jungkook?! Adding Best of Me here because it’s become a recent favorite. Dance moves are impeccable. There was a stint in my life where I was watching the Airplane Pt. 2 MV almost every day because of how in love I was over Taehyung’s whole look - pink hair, flowing robes, and how the boys pull off their outfits. )

I proceeded mainly through the orange branch, bought myself a few Love Yourself albums along the way, and the day I saw this Min Yoongi in In the Soop, my Bangtan life took a turn.

Yep. Simplicity.

What’s not to fall in love with?

One of my current, low-ranking regrets may include having forgotten the exact moment I first listened to Trivia: 轉 Seesaw, but I fell hard and deep. To that point of no return when I read the lyrics and that analogy Yoongi had penned.

I mean, add Autumn Leaves (the complexity of layered notes, beats, and resulting emotions... ah) and you’ve got this king of breakup songs right here.

What beautiful words, what gorgeous language. I wish I could learn Korean just to fully appreciate the message.

Another friend recommended me Butterfly and I lost my shit realizing they referenced Murakami.

More obscure songs like 134340, Paradise and Sea I didn’t get to till much later. Whalien 52 could make me cry just with the lyrics alone (I doubt my exes had ever felt that level of emotional toward me - the more tragic thing is that the doubt would always exist). Just One Day was that track I had on loop this one afternoon I had to go into town for a dinner party, and Miss Right was an accidental discovery that had me grinning and blushing to the boys’ voices alone, same as 21st Century Girl (’Cause you’re my only girl, oh yea. If you love me, just say it straight. We love a confident but committed guy.) 

*Dope is that one MV I waited to watch because of my love of uniforms and managed to get to on a day I could not recall.

*This MIC Drop MAMA performance is the hottest clothes-on, turn on performance I’ve ever watched.

Coffee was the track I first listened to on a drive back from a rather unsuccessful and uneventful beach (bitch?!) trip, and the bitter nostalgia cut me deep. Jungkook’s voice could string up my soul any day of the week. Yes, baby, I still drink Caramel Macchiato every time I think of you - the song, not the person, or any person at all.

I discovered HOME because of this comfy Kimmel performance and died over the camaraderie and obvious ties they have as a family.

Plus a blue-themed home, uh, have you seen my bedroom, sir?

Boy With Luv will cheer me up any time of day - no thoughts but blue haired Tae and bubblegum pink haired #Jimim, indeed. (That mirroring of a glow-up from the 상 남자 of Boy In Luv is genius. Girl, ‘m not begging for you no more, but letting you know that I’m whole and ready and intent on keeping you safe.)

Spring Day I listened to on an off day in October and wrenched my own heart over the lyrics, even starting off a chapter in one of my fics with the verses that hit me most in particular.

The ON:E concert re-introduced me properly to Filter, My Time (sexy personified as a performance), Persona, Interlude: Shadow, Ego, UGH!, Moon (Prince Kim Seokjin - you have my heart, and my light, always), and 00:00 (picked up through Twitter that it was the song for personal therapy and reminded me of that quote - nothing good ever happens between midnight and 2am, go to sleep. Add 2!3!, which I’d properly listened to after viewing the ON:E exhibit, to this and we are done.) 

It wasn’t until I listened to Blood, Sweat, and Tears that I went full-blown head over heels (more than I was before). I’m a musical theater kid, have always been at heart, and those boys dancing in the suits and literature and arts references. You could have just plunged that knife a bit deeper into my heart.

Needless to say that I bought Demian couple of days after (my 3rd Herman Hesse! Regrettably not my favorite.) 

Blood, Sweat and Tears joins my own mini self-compilation of songs on the attraction and sublime relishing of a toxic relationship. That sweet temptation that’s so lush in theory yet acidic in real life.

You’re willing to give it all to this person, this passion, this love, this lure of attraction, imprisonment, and just lose yourself.

You’re begging to be hurt, even when you know it.

You’re asking to stay bathed in acid, drown yourself in punishment, and you’re okay. As long as the “you” in the lyrics is ok - to have you.

You’ve signed over your mind, your body and soul - “I know well they’re all yours” - what sinful admittance, what a delicious way to say you’re under the other’s spell. Not like I haven’t been there before (fitting to think of Jimin holding that apple. God.)

“Peaches and Cream/Sweeter than Sweet/Chocolate Cheeks and Chocolate Wings” - talk about dessert, about diabetic, diabolical sweetness that both indulge and burn your soul. These are saccharine metaphors and goddamn if I wasn’t and am all over them. 

Sweet as they are, they melt - they expire, they’re tangible but transient, and you’ve chosen to have them anyway, just to taste them, just to know, to satisfy your sense and just to possess.

“There is a ‘bitter’ next to your ‘sweet’“ - this is my kind of writing. My kind of getting your sweet now and being punished for it later, the kind my friend had commented before of living for today and choosing to forgo the punishments of tomorrow that you’re all too aware of.

And here comes Hoseok! 

Kiss me, it's okay if it hurts Just make it as tight As that I can't feel the pain anymore

Goddamn. That Blade Runner 2049 phrase about how pain makes you human - this is next level of hurting just so you could feel. This is hurting to know that it’s real - that the ‘you’ exists - and this “tightness”, this tense sensation, is only reminding you that the lover(?) is worth the pain (grit your teeth and continue!)

Baby, it's okay if I get drunk I'll drink you in deep now Deep into my throat The whiskey that is you

Intoxication - another one of my favorite topics sprouting a platitude of interpretations. Aside from being a sucker (and loving it myself) of saying “baby,” (signaling intimacy, no less) - this is an artful, eloquent way to sketch another version of “love is the/a drug,” which the lover/”you” is consciously consuming with consent.

There’s a repeat in the “d’s” that definitely conjures an imagery of diving deeper and deeper into a bottomless abyss, or of drinking your bottles dry - but this is a translation so that’s that.

But where we have been (or were) in love, we could feel the other person intoxicating, consuming us, consuming our senses, straying our conscience, blurring the lines among reality, reasoning and our own thoughts and what they may have driven us to think or view, just like alcohol or drugs would lead you to do. That inebriated state would be just a self-enriching cycle of docile submission and self-driven continuance.

It doesn't matter if it hurts Tie me up so I can't escape Hold me tight and shake me up So that I can't come to my senses

Like Jimin with the cloth over his eyes in the MV, this is another conscious decision to be held imprisoned, bounded, senses so disrupted you’re choosing to stay. I don’t know about you, but there’s an inkling of weakness in me when I’d chosen to do that, to opt for that choice and stay in something I was fully aware from experience wasn’t going to last (’can’t come to my senses’) but choosing to blind myself to indulge in the fleeting sweetness anyway.

When you’re making that firm and persistent decision to beg for pain and consciously choosing to numb your senses so you could feel nothing else but what you may have thought you desire to feel - you’ve got it bad, baby. That absinth’s hit you hard.

(And we love it.)

Kiss me on the lips A secret just between the two of us Deeply poisoned by the jail of you I cannot worship anyone but you and I knew The grail was poisoned but I drank it anyway 

Yoongi’s “Kiss me”, like his “불타오르네” (and obviously “용서해줄게“)  in Fire may as well linger in my ears as my personal on-demand whisper sounds. His voice is that sexy as fuck ASMR I never knew I needed (and queue Ben Whishaw’s...) 

Here we see “poisoned” harking back to intoxication, and “jail of you,” calling back to the whole verse I’d interpreted above before. What interested me here was the couplet - “Kiss me on the lips/a secret just between the two of us” - kissing as an act of sealing a deal or secret reminds me of age old love songs, of promises made between lovers before they part. Not to mention, this is that sexy, 섹시한  way of “sealing the deal” you may have heard about. 

“I cannot worship anyone but you...” holds the lover up high, almost godlike, maybe on a pedestal. It’s that everest, that peak point when you’re more than head over heels in love, when you’re able to see no one but this person. “Worship” is that word signaling holy, direct, and submissive devotion - just powerful. 

“...and I knew/The grail was poisoned but I drank it anyway” - again the voice of submission in line with above verses, submitting yourself to temptation, same as biting into that apple despite knowing consequences. “Grail” embodies the whole MV image of the classics.

Close my eyes with your caress I can't resist it anyway I can't even escape anymore

You are too sweet, too sweet Because you are too sweet

“Close my eyes” is the same as asking to be blinded (see above). Adding “with your caress” only enhances the intensity of the speaker’s desire, of the intimate and physical nature - you know full well what that person does to you, your heart, conscience, and senses with just one simple touch or the trace of a finger on your skin - especially someone as addicted to skinship as I am. The repetition “You are too sweet...”  brings us back full circle to Namjoon’s dessert verses, intoxication, indulgence, and submission.

What a delicious song. I fall in love every time I listen.

Second song in my trilogy is Love Maze - an intoxication of a different, lighter flavor yet still an an intoxication nevertheless.

Trapped in a maze of decisions Exhausted by all the different chaos We’ve wandered around, looking for the answer Lost in the maze, in the darkness

Jimin’s first verse traverses over the trials and tribulations of every day life - naturally we’re caught in decision-making from the moment we open our eyes (ah, sigh. my major. what the hell), and that, in extreme cases, can escalate to choice paralysis). Life is a mess, to say simply. At times you can feel (and you are) lost in some sort of maze which seems impossible to escape from. 

[Verse 2: Jungkook] We ran and ran endlessly But all the fake noise Can’t tear us apart It’s true baby [Refrain: Jimin, Jin] We must believe only in ourselves Can’t let go of each other’s hands We need to be together forever

And now this is just asking your partner to hold your hand throughout the darkness, holding hands while the walls come tumbling down type of way.

[Verse 3: RM] People say That I’ll end up a fool But I don’t wanna use my head I don’t wanna calculate Love ain’t a business Rather like a fitness I’ve never been in a calculating love I know it’ll be cold like winter But I still wanna try

Yup, sure. Love isn’t logical, and we feel it when we feel it. This is a more considered version of love or succumbing to temptation/infatuation, compared to Blood, Sweat, and Tears, see here:

If you push me, I’ll fall, just raise me up again Even if I pull, you don’t have to come

Upon a close look, this is the more confident, the more ‘out-there’ you - like a rocking doll, a full human ready to get back up on its own once fallen, not a blind follower or submissive slave. What I find particularly captivating is the bottom verse - “Even if I pull, you don’t have to come” - this is a show and declaration of independence at its finest. I’ll woo you, I’ll say I want you, and I’ll grab you toward me, but you “don’t have to” be with me, [if you don’t want to.] (Plays I’m Fine)

No matter what others say, don’t listen Just let’em talk, whatever they say The more they do, the more I’m sure

Honestly this reminded me of a past relationship, where figurative hand-holding was the emphasized union to help us make it through. Would have been half the fight if it was that aspect alone, though.

Baby just don’t give a damn

This is the sentence I sing to every single time I play this aloud. The sentence.

I always think, even if eternity is hard I wanna try it, let’s be forever

My ex once asked, “How long is forever?” just ripping off that sign in a mall we walked past, and yes, that’s what I do remember about us. Part of it. Since then, mentions of eternity like this has always hit me.

And forever doesn’t exist, guys. COVID does.

(Bad joke, sorry.) 

The song that completes the trilogy is one I discovered only last week. My last BTS x Steve Aoki crossover: Waste It On Me. 

Queue neon club lights and bad decision drinks. Kook being Kook, his voice in songs like these, House of Cards, and Savage Love slices you right through, like a young, impressionable boy asking you to give this love a try, to forget yourself in being attracted to him, and to waste the time you aware you’re willing to waste on him:

[Verse 1: Jungkook] You say love is messed up You say that it don't work But, you don't wanna try, no, no (You don't wanna try, no, no) And baby, I'm no stranger To heartbreak and the pain of Always being let go (Always being let go)

This verse, man. When your heart’s rusty and battered and beaten and broken enough, “Baby, I’m no stranger/to heartbreak and the pain of always being let go,” is that overwhelming elixir to slosh it altogether, like soaking your lone damn heart in warm bathwater, and with Jungkook’s inviting voice, you may have added your favorite flavor of Lush bathbomb.

[Pre-Chorus: Jungkook, RM & Jimin] And I know there's no making this right, this right (This right) And I know there's no changing your mind, your mind (Your mind) But we both found each other tonight, tonight (Oh yeah) So if love is nothing more than just a waste of your time

It’s that exact moment when it’s the night of your birthday, you’re all dressed up with only one place to go in a town where you knew a handful of people, and the guy at the bar had bought you a shot of mysterious substance to drink. So you’re here. So he’s here. And the drink’s here, between you two, and you’ve downed it in. And you’re here.

So why not?

‘Waste it on me’ is a sexy invitation in itself, that momentarily grasp for pleasure. Ok, yea. I’m all yours. 

Tonight.

[Verse 2: RM] So we don't gotta go there Past lovers and warfare It's just you and me now (Yeah, yeah) I don't know your secrets But I'll pick up the pieces Pull you close to me now (Yeah, yeah)

Namjoon’s voice has always been sexy to me. Masculine, dominating, in control, in the same way that Yoongi’s raspy, gravelly voice grabs you and stubbornly holds you close. 

Maybe this guy you’d just met in a club’s blabbering away to pierce who you may have been or who you’re presenting yourself to be just for you to be with him, and takes ahold of your waist before you could say no.

What do you say?

Yay, don't you think there must be a reason? Yeah, like we had our names Don't you think we got another season That come after spring? I wanna be your summer I wanna be your wave Treat me like a comma I'll take you to a new phrase Yeah, come just eat me and throw me away If I'm not your taste, babe, waste Waste it on me

I’m speechless over the “Treat me like a comma, I’ll take you to a new phrase,” wordplay. Most of all, it illustrated my past relationship in that all too on-the-nose way, for me and him both. English is sexy, man, please don’t ever say it isn’t.

“Yeah, come just eat me and throw me away/If I’m not your taste, babe.” I’m partial to babe as much as baby, let’s be real. Haha. The whole “come just eat me” paints that picture of the speaker being “consumed,” just devoured whole (echoing the earlier image of being “washed over” from “I wanna be your wave”) by the to-be-lover, without a care, a giving-himself-away submission reminiscent of Blood, Sweat, and Tears’ intoxication and blind bondage. The speaker here doesn’t even care if he’s not tailored to the ‘lover’s’ desire, ready to be discarded, treating himself here as disposable, even worse than Love Maze’s partnered hopefulness and teamwork or Blood, Sweat and Tears’ irresistible, spellbound attraction.

Aaand there you have it, my ramblings on Bangtan (as of now). There’s just so, so much - I’ve recently received my HYYH Pt.1 (RIMBAUD! SEXY CONVERSE!!! BOYZ with FUN!) and YNWA albums, not to mention my rap line songs, vocal line, In the Soop, Performance details, Run BTS (source of joy and laughter, more than any man has ever affected me), Premiums, and the whole “Love Yourself” concept + B.E. Itself.

I’ll be sure to pop back in very, very soon!

x

Natural Fat Loss Supplements: Supplementing Without The Application of Stimulants!

There is something like 108 MILLION Americans currently who are either slightly overweight, or battling obesity. That's 61% of adults! Sadly, around 95% of those who are able to reduce weight will gain it back within few years. The thought of that truly frustrates me to a point that I'd rather not discus. A major factor in that reason is eating unhealthy is thrown in our faces every three minutes on TV along with allot of the printed ads. Not to mention that in today's economy it is usually cheaper. Another reason why people fail in maintaining the body weight they may have quite literally worked their butts off to lose, may be the insufficient education and guidance. Whether it's lacking furthering their knowledge in nutrition, or even lack of knowledge in supplements that assist in dieting and maintenance. Read Must

Currently, $30 Billion per year is now being spent each year in the weight-loss industry! A lot of that money is wasted trying to find out the proper supplements, the appropriate mixture of supplements, or simply wasted on supplements that honestly just don't do what's necessary! I figured I would help you save some of that money that you'd have spent searching that "Magic Diet Pill" and just give you three great Natural Supplements that do a fantastic job in aiding in weight loss and maintenance.

The primary supplement is 7-Keto (7-ketohydroepiandrosterone). 7-keto is actually a safe DHEA metabolite and it has been the subject of many research and studies. 7-keto, like DHEA, plays a role in a wide array of the bodies functions, including immune response, memory, skin integrity, and most importantly for the topic of this article, fat loss! 7-keto is proven to boost the activity of enzymes associated with metabolism, and has also been shown to help rest your set-point, that is definitely HUGE

Basically, the set point theory states that an individual's metabolism will adapt to maintain a weight in which it's comfortable. Whenever we restrict our calories so as to drop extra pounds, our rate of metabolism falls to try to preserve our fat stores. This is just the bodies/nature's tool for preventing starvation, which will never change. When we have lost the weight and we aren't cutting our calories, the metabolic process will rise back to a higher rate of function. Your body has a genetically determined set-point weight that's controlled by metabolic hormones and fat cell enzymes. 7-keto has been shown to increase the activity of those enzymes associated with the metabolism.

It's recently been shown that DHEA as well as its derivatives (7-keto) aid in bodyweight regulation. In certain studies of DHEA, it has caused laboratory animals to eat more, yet suppressed their weight gain. In one study without DHEA, a 50% reduction in the amount of food that was took in inside of a 24 hour period to achieve the same amount of weight changes seen when taking DHEA. But, the individuals taking DHEA didn't change their food consumption to attain the desired weight-loss effects.

7-keto has been proven to aid in increasing the activity within the T-3 thyroid hormone. 7-keto offers most of DHEA's benefits without converting into the sex hormones estrogen and testosterone, this means it's safe for both ladies and men! There have been no long term side effects shown as a result in taking 7-Keto. In everything I have read, and people that I have talked to, both ladies and men, the suggested daily dosage is 1,000mg 2x daily.

The next supplement is CLA (Conjugated Linoleic Acid). CLA is a naturally occurring found in animal and dairy fats such as beef, dairy food, poultry, eggs and corn oil. Our intestine produces CLA naturally from linoleic acid. It does not make a big fat cell little, what it does is prevent a little fat cell from getting big. There have already been studies that have shown that to really receive the desired effect of CLA on your body fat you'll want to take around 4,000mg, or 4g of CLA daily.

Since CLA is a fatty acid, you'll want to take it regularly for about 2-3 weeks and allow for it to accumulate in your body before you begin to see results. It's been suggested to have some type of fiber supplement or boost the amount of fiber in your diet to help you assisted in the "Extraction" of the metabolized fat out of your body. Honestly though, that is definitely something that should be done whatever the style of weight loss supplement. It truly plays a key role in the loss of unwanted weight.

CLA has been proven to increase rate of metabolism, decrease abdominal fat, enhance muscle growth, reduce cholesterol levels and triglycerides, lowers insulin resistance, helps reduce food-induced allergic reactions, and enhances the immune system also. Should you be thinking about taking CLA to aid with losing weight, take into account that it is not a fast solution, and you'll need to begin a program of dieting and exercise in order to successfully slim down and keep it off.

The third and final supplement that I'm planning to mention in this article is L-Carnitine. The main and most important role Carnitine plays within the body is the oxidation, or better known as Burning, Melting off, and even in some circle Dissolving of fat Naturally! After the fat is oxidized it's used as a natural source of energy. I'm a Huge fan of L-Carnitine, I've been taking it regularly for many years.

Basically what L-Carnitine does is it takes the fat in our bodies to the "Fat Furnace" (mitochondria) in our cells. Once the fat is thrown into the "furnace" it is burned and changed into a natural supply of "coal" or energy, in turn also giving us more energy during workouts and many other aspects in day to day living. No matter how much you exercise or how "on-point" you've your diet plan, if the fat does not reach the mitochondria it can't be oxidized (Burned)!

Supplementing your diet with L-Carnitine can release the stored energy the body needs to build new muscular tissue, boost your energy and accelerate natural weight loss. There is no unintended side effects of prolonged supplementation of L-Carnitine as it is natural and readily found in our bodies. Starting off with at the least 1,500mg of L-Carnitine daily is an excellent starting point. If you have metabolic resistance anywhere from 3,000-7,000mg daily is essential. Personally, I like to take 2,000-3,500mg daily, I've got really good results doing so.

These three Natural Weight loss pills are great on their own or taken with products. I selected to write about these three today because I am currently taking them. I have stacked them together previously and love the final results that I have got from doing so. What I personally do is take 4g of AST CLA daily, breaking that up into two doses, one with breakfast as well as other with my afternoon meal. For the L-Carnitine, I use Dymatize Nutrition's Acetyl L-Carnitine. I take three caps (1,500mg) with breakfast and another 3 caps with lunch. For the 7-Keto (DHEA) I use Twinlab's 7-Keto. I take that one cap with breakfast, so six pills with breakfast overall, and another around an hour before I go to bed. I take one before I go to bed because I've discovered that I sleep better. I'm not certain if there are studies showing that it helps with proper R.E.M. sleep, but I definitely sleep good doing it that way.

Like I have said several times throughout this article, in case you are considering taking some of these supplements to help you with weight-loss, take into account that it's not a fast solution, and you should really need to find a program of dieting and exercise to be able to successfully drop the weight and keep it off. With that being said, Don't hesitate to comment or ask any questions you might have in relation to whatever was stated in this article. Many thanks for spending time to read this and I hope it helps you make the best decision on which best alternative with regards to supplementing for losing weight.

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Albums Of 2017

WHAT. A. YEAR. So much so, that my Top 50 isn’t big enough to contain all the fab albums released. So here are some bonus albums, that missed the main countdown, but couldn’t go unmentioned.

This lot are great….

Aly & Fila / MC Lars / Lowly / Einar Stray Orchestra / Public Service Broadcasting / Bare Infinity / The xx / Fire Red Empress / !!!  / Kedr Livanskiy / Sleeping Romance / Daughter / Grandbrothers / Black Sun Empire / Cairo Knife Fight

This lot are even better (and rather superb)!…

Cellar Darling / Charly Bliss / Ali Barter / Paul Van Dyk / Tired Lion / Death From Above / Gothic Tropic / Engine-Earz Experiment / Algiers / Moby & The Void Pacific Choir / Shed Seven / Elsaine / Blanck Mass / SPC ECO / Me The Tiger

And now the spendid albums that DID make list proper…..

50.

St. Vincent  ‘MASSEDUCTION’

Emotional, catchy, quirky, sexy, (mostly) electronic pop from St. Vincent on her 5th album. Some great production touches, fab melodies, and her sultry vocals, with some gorgous ballads, and upbeat tunes. Actually, if it weren’t for a couple of unfortunate appearances from the worst instrument in the world, the pedal steel guitar, it may be a bit higher on the list.

49.

Paul Draper  ‘Spooky Action’

The former Mansun frontman releases his debut solo album, 14 years after Mansun announced their split. What’s taken so long? Who cares? The results are satisfying. It doesn’t sound exactly like Mansun of course but there are certainly familiar elements in his songwriting. There are proggy touches, and a nice variety in the sound. Classy, slightly experimental, indie rock.

48.

Jane Weaver  ‘Modern Kosmology’

This sounds like if a 60s psychedelia album was made using modern equipment. Except apparently Ms. Weaver used loads of retro kit to make it. Either way it’s a fab trip.

Have a listen: https://janeweaverfire.bandcamp.com/album/modern-kosmology

47.

Hundredth  ‘Rare’

Apparently before this album Hundredth were a melodic hardcore band. You wouldn’t know it from this. This is a mesh of 90s shoegaze (in the spacey, floaty production, and the hazy, glidey vocal delivery), and modern punk rock (in the big riffs and pounding drums). It’s a fantastic idea, and for the most part works brilliantly.

Have a listen: https://hundredth.bandcamp.com/album/rare

46.

Papa Roach  ’Crooked Teeth’

Back in 2000, listening to a radio rock show, I heard both Linkin Park’s ‘One Step Closer’ and Papa Roach’s ‘Last Resort’ for the first time. I loved them both. Then back in my student radio station promos for both of the songs arrived near enough at the same time and I started playing both on my show. After reading a five star review for Linkin Park’s ‘Hybrid Theory’ I decided I needed that album in my life. I popped along to Virgin Megastore and LP was in a multibuy chart deal so I picked up Papa Roach’s ‘Infest’ album too. It felt right as these two seemed to have been partnering each other so far. ‘Hybrid Theory’ blew me away, and is still up there in my favourite ever albums to this day. ‘Infest’ however disappointed me, apart from 2 or 3 tracks, and I never really paid much attention to Papa Roach again. Who would’ve thought 17 years later, both bands would be releasing albums again, and the Papa Roach one would be vastly superior. To be fair Linkin Park’s ‘One More Light’ was the worst album I heard in it’s entirety in 2017. It seems awful to say under the circumstances, but the sad tragedy that came later doesn’t suddenly mean that it isn’t a terrible album. Anyway, back to Papa Roach. I only gave this album a  go as it was getting some good reviews, and I’m glad I did. It’s a cracker! They haven’t chaged their style much, still the rap rock they are known for, but every tune is as good as the last, from the hip hop of ‘Sunrise Trailer Park’ to the raucous ‘Traumatic’ which I imagine would cause more than a few circle pits.

45.

Bent Knee  ‘Land Animal’

At times it feels like Bent Knee have managed to stuff elements of every genre ever played by real instruments onto this album… indie, rock, metal, jazz, swing, classical etc…. as such it is often not the easiest listen, but it is repeatedly incredibly impressive, and there are some massive hooks, and moments of beauty in amongst the insanity.

44.  

Zola Jesus  ‘Okovi’

This album isn’t always the most comfortable of listens, being about the aguish of a close friend / loved one being depressed and suicidal, but there are moments here that are musically astounding, and gorgeous, and her voice is never less than stunning. Electronic, orchestrated soundscapes, with beats that range from glitchy to pounding. Fab.

Have a listen: https://zolajesus.bandcamp.com/album/okovi

43.

Sløtface  ‘Try Not To Freak Out’

Norwegian pop-rock band Sløtface (pronounced Slutface) release their debut album, and it is catchy, chirpy, uplifting, and will fill you with joy.

Have a listen: https://slotface.bandcamp.com/album/try-not-to-freak-out

42.

Awaken I Am  ‘Blind Love’

Epic, dark rock with huge melodies, and a fantastic vocalist (who has left the band since the album’s release for personal reasons). This is cracking stuff.

41.

PVRIS  ‘All We Know Of Heaven, All We Need Of Hell’

Dark, electronic pop rock trio PVRIS return with their second album. The production is widescreen and atmospheric, ‘Heaven’ and ‘Half’ are arguably their best songs yet, and the performance is as strong as ever.

Have a listen: https://thisispvris.bandcamp.com/releases

40.  

Bad Sign  ‘Live And Learn’

Straightforward, no frills raaaaaawk! Huge riffs, pounding drumming, and gruff but melodic vocals. Huge! At the album launch show, they managed to start a mosh pit in an upstairs of a pub by the guitarist jumping off stage and running into people backwards whilst still playing.

Have a listen: http://music.basickrecords.com/album/live-learn

39.

The Dark Element  ‘The Dark Element’

Former Nightwish vocalist Anette Olzon and guitarist and songwriter Jani Liimatainen (once of Sonata Arctica, more recently Cain’s Offering), join with some other musicians to form The Dark Element. It’s got a symphonic metal vibe, as you may expect, but it’s quite accessible, and highly melodic. Great stuff.

38.

Lana Del Rey  ‘Lust For Life’

Float away, with Lana’s stunning voice, the etheral production, and gorgeous melodies. It’s a smidge too long, and I’m not entirely convinced by the two A$AP Rocky appearances, but otherwise this is beautiful.

37.

Loadstar  ‘I Need The Night’

These days, drum & bass seems to mostly fall into two camps. Either it’s heavy noisy underground fare, or it is pop songs, with exactly the same simple, fast beat under every song. Loadstar manage to successfully stradle both camps here, in the way the first couple of Chase & Status albums did. The catchy songs have somewhat more inventive beats underneath them, and the heavier dancefloor stuff has more in the way of hooks than most. There are a couple of deviations into other bass heavy music styles (in fact the attempt at grime ‘Talk Too Much’ is the album’s only mis-step, but that’s more the fault of the vocals than the production). Generally ace stuff.

36.  

The Anix  ‘Ephemeral‘

Electro-Goth? Darkwave? Industrial pop? Bah… labels eh? Fantastic production, songs structured like a rock band but sounding entirely electronic, with moody melodic vocals. Parts of this heavily remind me of Innerpartysystem, and the best tracks nearly match some of those from my 2008 album of the year.

Have a listen: https://theanix.bandcamp.com/album/ephemeral

35.

HAIM  ‘Something To Tell You’

HAIM return with more of their brand of 80s inspired pop-rock. MOR but with interesting quirky bits, and most importantly 3 very talented musicians, with fab voices and a knack for writing an almighty tune.

34.

Itchy  ‘All We Know’

This is an album of fantastic, uplifting, catchy, musically accomplished pop-punk-rock. This is the first I’ve heard of this German band, but this is their 7th album. Apparently before this they were known as Itchy Poopzkid. Whether the slight name change is a sign of an increasing maturity I don’t know, but this is great stuff.

33. 

Brutus  ‘Burst’

Brutal, relentless, but catchy and melodic as well. A good description from their website: ‘This trio from Leuven, Belgium create expansive, stratospheric punk not quite like any other band around. With post-rock construction, black metal dynamics, hardcore energy, prog and math-rock flourishes and pure pop melodies all detectable’. Will leave you exhausted but thrilled.

Have a listen: https://wearebrutus.bandcamp.com/album/burst

32.  

Steven Wilson  ‘To The Bone’

‘The most successful British artist you’ve never heard of’ stated a poster on the tube for Steven Wilson this year (can’t remember whether it was for the album or tour - I think the latter), and that may be true. He, or more his band Porcupine Tree, are massive in Europe, but have only had decent success here (to be fair they and he solo, have done multiple night stands at The Royal Albert Hall, but that’s in London, and who lives in London? Lots of Europeans). However this album may be where that starts to change. His highest chart postion yet (straight in at no 3 on the UK album chart), and the material contained within is certainly his most accessible yet. He’s known for contemporary prog rock, but calls this album prog-pop. It is certainly less drawn out, much catchier, and not as heavy, but still retains some of the musicality and unexpectedness of prog. Excellent stuff.

31.  

Liquid  ‘Energy Flows’

Rave legend Liquid (of ‘Sweet Harmony’ & ‘Liquid Is Liquid’ fame) returns with his 2nd album, 22 years after his first. If his excellent 1995 debut album was a step away from the hardcore sounds which made his name into more housey territory, this one is a jump straight back into them. Breakbeats, classic rave stabs, uplifting piano… cracking stuff.

30.

Greywind  ‘Afterthoughts’

Irish, brother-sister, alternative-rock duo Greywind unleash their debut album. Massive epic sounding production, weighty guitars, fab melodic vocals, and hooks that won’t leave you for days.

29.  

Gudrun Von Laxenburg  ‘Panic!’

A huge electro house album of the Jus†ice / Boys Noize variety, but with more humour and lightness of touch, not to mention greater musicality and ample hooks. Will ram into your head and make you want to move.

28.

Gary Numan  ‘Savage: Songs From A Broken World’

Admission time, I’d never previously heard a Gary Numan album before. I’d always meant to, as I’ve liked every song I’ve heard by him, but just never got round to it. So when this came out I thought I’d change that. Ordered the special edition CD after one listen. Fantastic dark electronics, great vocal melodies, superb production. Not many people can still sound this good, and current, 40 years and 21 albums into their careers. Time to delve into the catalogue and see whether this is a refreshed, return to form Numan, or whether every album is this good.

27.  

INHEAVEN  ‘INHEAVEN’

For a new and reasonably young band, INHEAVEN sound ridiculously 90s. For those that love 90s music of course, this is no bad thing at all. There’s touches of grunge, shoegaze, post-punk, and even a pinch of Britpop all in the blender, all poured out into 12 excellent, catchy, spikey tracks.

26.  

4 Strings  ‘Sunset Aftermath’

Dutch trance legends 4 Strings release their first album in 11 years (their 4th in total), and it brings together many singles released in the last 2 years into one immense collection. Alternating instrumental tracks with song based ones, featuring excellent vocalists (including scene heavyweights such as Audrey Gallagher, Sue McLaren, Cathy Burton etc) every one of these tracks is aiming for the label of ‘anthem’. Top drawer trance, and 4 Strings’ most solid album yet.

25.

The Beautiful Monument  ‘I'm The Sin’

Aussie all female rockers The Beautiful Monument unleash their debut album. Apparently they are making a few waves down under and it isn’t hard to see why. Plenty of chunky riffs and pounding drums, with loads of huge melodies and some dashes of beauty and moments of epicness. This is hopefully just the beginning...

24.

The Birthday Massacre  ‘Under Your Spell’

You know roughly what to expect from a new album from The Birthday Massacre. This is their 6th / 7th album (depending on how you want to look at it) of their gothic electro-rock (sounding like it is inspired by industrial, metal and a heavy dose of Depeche Mode). The combination of the gorgeous melodies delivered by singer Chibi’s lovely voice, mixed with big riffs, atmospheric synths and driving drums, you know it’s unlikely to be bad, but this is a particularly good collection from them, and probably a good starting point for anybody unfamiliar with the band.

Have a listen: https://metropolisrecords.bandcamp.com/album/under-your-spell

23. 

Anathema  ‘The Optimist’

Admission time again, I’d never previously heard an Anathema album. I’d meant to, as a friend kept raving about them, but I never got round to it. So when this came out, I thought I’d give it a play. By the outstanding third track ‘Endless Ways’ (one of my fave songs this year), I was ordering the CD (with the DVD containing the even more impressive 5.1 surround sound mix). This is a mesh of alternative rock & prog rock, very accessible melodies, a massive epic sound, some songs sung by original singer Vincent Cavanagh and some by the more recent addition to the band, Lee Douglas (it’s her fabulous vocals that lead ‘Endless Ways’). It’s huge & spine-tingling, and the back catalogue will be delved into.

22. 

Vessels  ‘The Great Distraction‘

Vessels started life as a post-rock band, and released 2 albums in this style, then for their 3rd album, 2015′s ‘Dilate’ (a top 10 of the year for me), they went all electronic, but still were delivering the epic soundscapes you might find in post-rock, just with completely different sounds. For this, their 4th album, the electronics are still the order of the day, and they are still vast and somewhat soundscapey, but this time they are pointed slightly more at the dancefloor. There are also more guest vocalists this time around, John Grant and The Flaming Lips among them. Not quite the masterpiece that ‘Dilate’ was, but not many people sound like Vessels, and this is still an excellent album.

Have a listen: https://vesselsband.bandcamp.com/album/the-great-distraction

21. 

Youth Killed It  ‘Modern Bollotics’

In 2014 there was an album in my top 15 of the year - ‘The Struggle’ by a band called Under The Influence. It was an excellent rap metal album, with cool raps, huge melodies and massive riffs with a dash of thrilling electronics. In early 2016 they decided their musical direction had changed enough that it warranted a name change and Youth Killed It was born. This is more light hearted and humerous, more indie-punk (with a dash of ska-like rhythms), but it still has some rapping, and the huge melodies and massive riffs are still present. It is a joy, very relatable and hugely uplifting. Great fun.

20.

The Animal In Me  ‘Helping Won’t Help’

Once again TAIM deliver an album that’s a bit like a punch in the face followed by a gentle stroke of the brow and a loving smile. Huge guitar riffs, pounding drums, Shane Gould’s screaming, Laura Vierra’s incredible voice delivering some superb melodies. Monster stuff.

19. 

UNKLE  ‘The Road: Part 1′

UNKLE seem to deliver a cracker every other album…. ‘Psyence Fiction’, ‘War Stories’ & now ‘The Road: Part 1′. Very song based, but with epic melodies, and a decent amount of variation between and within songs…. acoustic guitar led ballads to euphoric house influenced tunes to dark moody trip-hop to lush orchestration, featuring vocalists of all sorts from gruff male singers (Mark Lanegan) to uplifting, unique voices (Eska), to Tricky-esque rapping (Elliott Power) and many more. And it all works beautifully.

18. 

Kaleida  ‘Tear The Roots’

Minimal but intricate, icy, moody, floaty, sexy, electro-pop, from the London based Anglo-German duo of mesmerising vocalist Christina Wood and keyboard / production wizard Cicely Goulder. It has to me a Scandinavian or Icelandic sound, but maybe Berlin is an influence too. It is stunning, magical and more than a little catchy.

Have a listen: https://kaleida.bandcamp.com/album/tear-the-roots

17.

Doll Skin  ‘Manic Pixie Dream Girl’

Doll Skin are an all female band from Phoenix, Arizona and have had their brand of punk/pop/rock compared by others to The Donnas, The Go-Gos & The Runaways. Worthy comparisons and not too far off the mark.

16.

Turtle  ‘Human’

Gor Ge Ous. Lovely, floaty electronic soundcapes, the occasional beautiful vocal track, with some dancefloor leaning numbers in between. Lush pads and slow breakbeats. There are 2 alternate tracklists for this album, the standard digital one, and the edited vinyl only one. Both fab (though the vinyl is missing ‘Limbic’, one of my faves here).

Have a listen: https://turtle.bandcamp.com/album/human

15. 

Marnie  ‘Strange Words And Weird Wars’

Ladytron’s Helen Marnie unleashes her 2nd solo album, and it’s fabulous. Atmospheric electronic pop - take Ladytron’s sound and make it warmer, more human, and even catchier. Quite frankly ‘Lost Maps’ and ‘Electric Youth’ are two of the best tracks of the year, and 2 of the best electro-pop tracks in many years. But you won’t be reaching for the skip button at any point, as the rest are very nearly as good.

Have a listen: https://helenmarnie.bandcamp.com/album/strange-words-and-weird-wars

14.

Solarstone  ‘.—-’

Trance legend Solarstone has been rocking the term (and record label) Pure Trance for a few years now, and this certainly has an old school feel to some of it. It’s certainly not all the regimented structure of many of the genre’s (often excellent) floor fillers. This is a proper album of 8 tracks, that sound different, but flow excellently as a whole. From the atmospheric, old school sounding opener ‘Leap Of Faith’, to the minimal ‘Untitled Love’ with excellent vocals from Rabbii, via the gorgeous Orkidea collab ‘Slowmotion IV’, through the big single ‘I Found You’ to the closing Hybrid-esque breakbeat stomper ‘Cafuné‘, this is Rich Mowatt’s best album for sure, and I’d imagine a future genre classic.

13.  

Sumo Cyco  ‘Opus Mar’

The Canadian punk-rock/metal/ska-ish band fronted by Sever (aka Skye Sweetnam) returned with their 2nd album this year, and it is a fabulous, hook laden (and catchy as foooook), riff-tastic collection of mosh pit fuel. Fantastic stuff.

12.  

Way Out West  ‘Tuesday Maybe’

Way Out West are one of the most underrated dance acts of all time. The fact I can easily say that an album as good as ‘Tuesday Maybe’ is not a patch on their early stuff shows how good they were. They were a progressive house (in the proper sense of the term, not the new meaning) / breakbeat / trance hybrid that made incredible dancefloor fillers and epic soundscapes that were so intricate and layered that you could still discover new sounds years after first listen. These days they are moving along a simpler deep house path, though they are far better than pretty much any other example of the genre, and there are certainly familiar elements which are distinctly WOW (’A Sheltered Place’ being closest to the epic soundscapes of old). They haven’t lost their knack for a gorgeous melody that’s for sure.

Have a listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npp5tif4Brc&list=PLOftnzGIKwJCwAE6nYyrmFjzroH747e0o

11.

Bicep  ‘Bicep’

‘Who the hell are Bicep?’ I wondered when this album crashed into the UK album chart earlier this year. Wiki described them as an ‘electronic duo’. ‘Uh, more crap EDM no doubt’ I thought ‘I’ll give it a listen on Spotify in case’. I did, realised I was so, so wrong, and I went and bought the CD later that day. This album sounds like Bicep have studied the last 30 years of dance music, taken inspiration and elements from nearly ALL of it, mashed them together, and somehow created something pretty fresh sounding, that both works as music to dance to, and music to chill at home to. It’s pretty special and look forward to hearing what they do next.

Have a listen: https://feelmybicep.bandcamp.com/album/bicep

10.

Rews  ‘Pyro’

The 10 songs on this album, from the ‘London/Belfast based high energy alt-rock duo consisting of songstress Shauna Tohill and beat-maker Collette Williams’ are nearing classic status in my life already. Yes, all of them. The only reason this album is not higher, is the production. It feels like many of the songs are being held back. Having seen them live 3 times this year, I know how much more kick these tunes can have (go see them if you get the chance). Still, great songs are great songs, and this is an awesome album (top 10 in a year of this quality is no mean feat), I just can’t stop myself thinking it could’ve been even better.

9. 

Pumarosa  ‘The Witch’

How to describe Pumarosa? They call themselves, on their Facebook page, ‘Industrial Spiritual’. Hmm, nah. Art-rock? Indie-prog? Space-rock? It’s arty, proggy (in the sense that tracks build and build), it has a depth and a swagger but it’s not particularly heavy, it has an expanse of sound and beauty but it’s not post-rock. Anyway, stick this on and give it your attention, you may well float away on the musical journey they put you on.

8. 

Enter Shikari  ‘The Spark’

Talk about a grower. On first listen, this disappointed me. ‘Worst thing Shikari have done’ ‘Far too restrained’ ‘Might not even make my Top 50′. On further listens though….. Yes, it is the most accessible album Enter Shikari have released, and there are less massive metal riffs or screamy bits. But it is no less inventive, with tracks taking suprising left turns, containing the typical genre mashups that Shikari are known for, but it also contains some of the most truly moving, raw (break-up fuelled) emotion I’ve heard in a long time. Fabulous record.

7.

Arcane Roots  ‘Melancholia Hymns‘

Incredible, riffmongous, jittery, smash you in the face, epic rock tunes, of the early Biffy Clyro ilk, interspersed with gorgeous, spacious, electronic, chilled moments. This is album of the year quality, and in many years, it would’ve been just that. Just not this year.

6.

London Grammar  ‘Truth Is A Beautiful Thing’

Just gorgeous. Hannah Reid’s voice is otherwordly, and Dan and Dot’s stunning soundscapes take you to another place. Epic and stunning, this is pure musical beauty.

5.

Blood Command  ‘Cult Drugs’

A relentless onslaught of awesome. Massive riffs, beastly drumming and harsh yet melodic vocals, with impressive electronic elements that are woven into the very DNA of the sound, rather than being nice window dressing. For a group who are at their core a hardcore punk band, the musicality is astonishing. They like to describe themselves as ‘Deathpop’ which is fairly accurate.

Have a listen: https://bloodcommand.bandcamp.com/album/cult-drugs

4.

Vukovi  ‘Vukovi’

Tune after tune after tune, not a drop in quality throughout. Experimental enough to remain interesting, catchy and melodic enough to ram into your head and stay there. Cracking debut album from this Scottish rock 4-piece. They deserve to be huge.

3.

Wolf Alice  ‘Visions Of A Life’

Wolf Alice’s EPs were brilliant, their debut album was excellent, but here on their second album, they’ve become arguably one of the best bands in the world right now. Ranging from raging riffs, to etheral gorgeousness via some retro sounds… the way some songs end up in a completely different place to where they started is stunning, the songwriting and musicianship sublime. They could go anywhere from here (though a death samba drum & bass album is probably unlikely).

2.

Craig Connelly  ‘One Second Closer’

Craig Connelly started making waves on the trance scene about 5 years ago with his electro-infused singles, but his big breakthrough came in 2013 when he changed to a more uplifting style and released the huge Christina Novelli collaboration ‘Black Hole’. Since that he’s been releasing anthem after anthem, and this year he released his debut album which apart from a re-recorded version of ‘Black Hole’ was all new material. And what an album. Spine-tingling euphoria, amazing guest vocal performances, huge synths, and some more chilled reflective moments too. A couple of my favourite times of this year were attached to this album (taking part in the video for ‘Elevate’, the ‘One Second Closer Live’ event in London’s Lightbox venue) and therefore I’d so love it to be number 1 (& it was for about 6 months) but….

Have a listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FjMLko4cNE&list=PLAF8A2FwG0TZrLq534hzdEgNkarf2vOOJ

1. 

Bullet Height  ‘No Atonement’

Jon Courtney (formerly of Pure Reason Revolution) returns, teaming up with Sammi Doll (of IAMX) and presents us with the debut album from Bullet Height. If you know PRR, take the sound of their last album Hammer & Anvil and make it darker and heavier. This album thrills at every turn with a barrage of electronic noise, huge guitar riffs, and stop you in your tracks vocal melodies. Just breathtaking.

Well, there you go. Hopefully this won’t get amended too much in the forthcoming weeks / months :-) It’s taken me long enought as it is.

YouTube playlist, counting down 50-1:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSWMYBJKcPo1OyFGmQNQpfzsO6L3ChKbr&disable_polymer=true

And a Spotify playlist doing the same, but with different tracks from each of the albums:

https://open.spotify.com/user/offbeatmusic/playlist/0Pp1xJI1kA3N4bPqevwofo