#it was so sad the next day i was sad like all morning
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(You wake up.)
(How long were you asleep? You were asleep so long you were dreaming. You were having a nightmare, more like. You were wandering around Dormont, and no matter what you'd say, everyone else would stay to The Script. Even when you saw yourself at the favor tree, all you would do is say the same stupid lines.)
(You shudder. Never again, please, never again.)
(You look to your side, someone had placed a heaping plate of food on your nightstand. Your stomache growled, so you decided to grab a bite. A quesadilla again, naturally. It was mostly cold now. That would put you at least an hour, maybe two behind schedule. It sounded busy outside, so maybe closer to midday?)
(What WAS your schedule?)
(Wake up, be sick, bump into isabeau, breakfast, explain over breakfast, clean up, prep for the day, go out and do whatever. Ramos came around at about. . . Three hours past noon. Stars, you had to plan.)
(You start to eat as you get up; your body lodging formal and VERY vocal complaints against moving. Stars, you were so hungry, you already finished your first quesadilla and needed another. And you still needed to get dressed!)
(It took a few minutes, but you were up, fed, and ready. Looking yourself over in the small mirror in your rented room, you looked. . . Looked like normal. Looked like him. Looked like you? Maybe.)
(Who were you, Loop? Who were you now? Just the friendly star? Is that all?)
(Ha. hahahhaha.)
(Curse you, Universe.)
(You head downstairs.)
". . . Hellooooo?" (Huh. There wasn't anyone around. They must have headed out or. . . Wait.)
(That noise you heared. It sounded familiar actually. You walk over to the door to the front yard and pull it open.)
(!!!!)
(Mirabelle, Bonnie, Nille, Isabeau, and Odile were all there going over battling! It looks like Isa was pretending to be a big ol scary sadness, it was, surprisngly similar to the house! You knew the script by heart too! Next Bonnie would say-)
"IF WE DO A COMBO, AND HAVE FIVE OF THE SAME SYMBOL, WE DO A 'JACKPOT SKILL!!!"'
"Exactly, Boniface. And see? We already have a combo of two right there."
(Ah right, because you weren't there to give that third hit.)
"When we get five of the same symbol, whether Rock, Paper, or Scissors, we'll be able to use a Jackpot Skill. . ."
"Only Rock, Paper, and Scissors attacks count for the Jackpot, by the way. We should be careful with how we use those skills, but we can use any other type of skill or item without breaking the combo."
"Yeah!! A combo will beat me!! Please, do a combo!"
(Hehe, because he's being a big ol sadness and not "knocked out.")
"You heared the man. Let's add three more scissors symbols to our lineup, shall we?"
(. . . Heh. Hehehehehehehe.)
(If you were going to be stuck in Stardusts little body, you will have some fun.)
"Of course M'dame!" (You say as you run past them all straight as Isabeau, leaping at him while he's still surprised. You both tumble back into the grass. You make a scissors symbol, and poke him on the nose with it.)
"!!!?!?!??!?!??!??!!?"
(Oh he looks so confused. And maybe blushing a little? Oh silly Loop~ You look over your shoulder to the rest of your companions with a cheeky smile.)
". . .Oops~"
"'HEY!!!" (Bonnie stomped the ground angry.) "CRABFACE!!! WE HAD THE MEANIE HANDLED!!!"
"L-language." (Nille was barely holding in a laugh, probably at seeing such a big guy like Isa being boddied by a twig like you.) "Good morning to you too."
(Odile chuckled and shook her head.) "Defeated in one blow. Truly, you are leagues ahead of us oh wise one."
"I was worried we were going to die, oh how strong it was!" (Mira continues.) "Bested by someone who should still be resting up!!!"
(Wuhoh.)
"A-ah, I'm doing fine! S-see?" (You say, getting off of Isabeau and sitting on the grass.) "No issue whatsoever~"
"incredible, absolutely incredible." (Odile says, she and the rest coming over.) "You're somehow a worse liar than Siffrin."
"Wh-" (You choke on your words.)
"Do they look paler than normal?" (Nille teased.) "What do you think Bonbon?"
"They look like white paint!!!"
"H-hey guys be nice!" (Isabeau FINALLY sat up.) "Loop just woke up, after all."
"Aww thank you Isabeau~" (You stretch. Huh, Loop, it was kind of nice to be known, honestly.) "And what have you all been up to since I passed out."
"Quite a bit!" (Mirabelle said, shaking her hands excitedly) "Madame Odile had an idea about your looping! And we decided to try and making easier! A-and-"
"Alright 'Bella, how about we get inside first." (Nille says, picking up her hammer.) "Gotta say, y'all really do have the whole battling thing down much better than I do."
"Oh don't worry Nille!" (Isabeau gets up.) "We were traveling for a whole year! We had lots of practice!"
"But until you catch up try to stick back with Boniface." (Odile adds.)
"Maybe I should be telling all you that~" (You joke, standing up.) "But really, I am feeling much better."
"Good! Now, to buisness-" (Odile leads you all back inside.)
(Your allies had been busy during your nap. They had gathered all the trinkets and supplies you'd gathered. You didn't bring all the eqipment you found in the house with you, and you didn't have nearly as much tonics, but it wasn't nothing. Paper mache gauntlets, Wok, etc.)
(They went over basic battling, and brushed up on their crafts. Nille had a solid place in battle too now. She had a nack for countering hits, so she'd stay to the side untill an opritunity showed itself and she'd jump in.)
(They were. . . Thinking about you?)
"-as the theory goes, anyway." (Odile had just finished explaining her theory on sleeping and looping.) "I do hope it's true, it would make everything so much easier."
"And if it does work!" (Mira says, excited.) "In the future just come out and say which loop it is! Everyone talked it out and well, i-it'll be easier to help you!"
"That's. . ." (It was, it was a lot to take in.) "That's really thoughtful."
"I didn't want you to have to do this alone." (Isa is smiling at you.) "We didn't, so, we perpared for you!"
"It was pretty fun, actually." (Nille is leaning back.) "Change, like I was finally getting to join my little sibling on fighting the bad guy."
"Yeah!!! And this time we're doing it as a big family!!!" (Bonbon, they're giving you the biggest smile.)
(You, you don't know how to respond.)
"I know this probably wont be the last loop, so we wont remember, but, that's ok!" (Isabeau. . .) "Because, Loop, I know every other me is going to try just as hard to help you!"
"Me too!"
"Mine as well."
"Same here!"
"YEAH!!!"
(Oh stars.)
(O-oh stars, it's, it's all too much. You're starting to cry. You're crying. It's, it's like when you first met them, so kind, and, a-and, and they're treating you like, like-)
"U-UH!!" (Isabeau holds up his hands seeing you cry.) "D-did I do something wrong?!?"
(You shake your head.)
"I think it's all a bit overwhelming. Besides, we were practicaly strangers in Dormont." (Odile rightly points out.)
"Doesn't matter!!" (Bonbon runs over to your side.) "Hey, hey, look at me."
(You look up at Bonnie, they're waving their hands-)
"You've been helping 'Frin out, and you helped us out too! We're not strangers anymore!"
"Hear hear."
"Alright! Group hug time!"
(O-oh stars, oh starsohstarsoh-)
(You're crying more, they're, they're so nice, they're being so nice. They're. . .)
(They're treating you as you. As Your own person. As a part of Siffrin but, as yourself as well. You're YOU. They know you're you!)
(You're cry even more now.)
"T-th, thank you guys. . ."
(You all stay a second more there, in a big old hug. They don't know who you really are, but they know you're Loop, and Loop needs help. And, they love you, even after all this time, they still love you. . .)
(. . .)
(Eventually, it has to end, and everyone gets back to their seats and you take a few deep breaths. In, and out.)
"Got a plan today then, Loop?" (Mira asks.)
"Well, a few~"
#isat#art#hehehehehheehe heres yalls juice!#in stars and time#isat art#isat spoilers#isat fanart#siffrin system au#sifstem#isat au#isat loop#isat nille#isat odile#isat mirabelle#isat bonnie#isat isabeau#sifstem main story
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-Let it burn to the ground- Part 6
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 part 5
Pairing:Melissa Schemmenti x Reader
Gender:love, hurt, confort, funny
Warnings:Mention about past trauma, fires and dead
Summary:Melissa lets the fire of love consume her when she meets the new chief of the fire station.
After the fight, you have to think if everything is worth saving.
You were driving automatically, from the beginning of the day you felt horrible because it had already been 3 years since your husband's death, but now a new weight of pain had been added now that the redhead had treated you like this. You weren't so angry about what she said because you knew she might have a point, you were mad because she choose to say it in the worst day possible in the worst way possible. Instead of choosing a time when the two of you were alone and could talk calmly, she told you at a party full of people, to get your attention she decided to take one of her slobbering exes and on top of it all she wanted to throw the blame for everything on you. If she had said it in a good way at a good time, you would have listened to her, taken into account what she said and tried to change it as soon as possible, and the two of you probably would have gone home together.
Instead, you yelled at her, broke up with her leaving her in the arms of other men and came home as a single woman again.
Your son, smart as he was, didn't say a single word the entire trip, it wasn't until you were curling him up in his bed that he decided to speak
-"Mama... Are you okay?" - Your little one whispered seeing your eyes and you sighed
-"Today is not my best day..."-You answered honestly, you had always tried to instill in him that he did not scrutinize his emotions and that what he felt was valid and nothing better than the example to teach
-"I can see your sad eyes" - He whispered resting his little hand on your cheek, you leaned over him smiling softly-"Why Mel didn't came with us? She always makes you smile" - The little boy spoke and you sighed again
-"She... We... She said something hurtful to me and I needed some time alone, so she went home by herself" - You answered and he pouted a little
-"Can I sleep with you mama? When I'm sad sleeping with you helps" - Your child was trying to help you in the way that worked for him when he was sad
-"Okey my beautiful boy, let's go sleep together" - You whispered lifting him out of bed and carrying him in your arms to your room to sleep together and snuggle like when he was a new born. Even though he was very small compared to you, you felt like his love was protecting you from the sadness.
The next morning you were still hurting just as much, but you had a child and a job and you couldn't stay in bed and cry, so you drew strength from where you didn't have and went to make breakfast. After you ate and everything was ready, you went to take your child to school. At the entrance you managed to spot the redhead receiving the children, so you got out of the car and said goodbye to your son but you didn't approach the entrance, or even look at her. When you made sure your child got in, you got in your car, and drove off, the only time you decided to look at her was in your rearview mirror as you drove away.
The days started to go by, Mel tried to talk to you but you had blocked her, she came to see you at home but you were never there and at work they wouldn't let her go to the office because you had asked that no one bother you.
For your part, every day that passed hurt less and you missed her more, but that didn't take away the damage she had done to you with what she said and how she said it.
A week later, Mother's Day came and you were invited to the school to see the gifts and things the kids had prepared. Before leaving the house you looked at the photos on the wall, especially the ones with your husband and you sighed, sad and at the same time a little relieved to feel how his absence hurt less, it still hurts and forever will, but it was less... Now, though for different reasons, the redhead's absence hurt a little more than his.
When you got home, you entered the school with the visitor's pass you had been given and went to your son's classroom, greeting his teacher Barbara
-"Mama! Look at my drawing!" - Your son took your hand and led you into the hallway to show you the tender drawing he had made of you and him.
-"Thats gorgeous baby! You even draw me with my uniform" - You laughed and he nodded, you knew how much he liked that you were a firefighter
-"And I got you this!" - The little one took out a gift package and gave it to you, you pretended to be surprised to see a decorated mug inside, although a few days ago in the list of supplies you had been asked for a mug and things to decorate it...
-"I love it baby! The heart and the fire you made is perfect! I'll use it for work every morning"-You answered and he hugged you tigly while you pick him up. After thanking Barbara for her efforts and giving her some chocolates for Mother's Day, you headed to the gym to enjoy the food they had ordered for the mothers. While the children were eating and playing, the redhead approached you with a small bouquet of flowers and stood by your side
-"Happy mother's day..."-she whispered, handing you the small bouquet, but you didn't take it
-"Thank you" - was all you answered without taking your eyes from your son
-"Look... I'm so sorry for all I said and how I behaved... I let my insecurities get the worst of me..." - She started talking and you sighed
-"I don't want to talk about that here or now Melissa, I just want to enjoy my mother's day with Chris, that's the only reason I'm here" - You answered seriously and it was her turn to sigh
-"Okey...I really wish you a happy day..."-Mel offered you the flowers once more and finally, for the first time in the night, you decided to look at her. Dark circles under her eyes were marked as if she was not sleeping well and her eyes did not have their characteristic brightness, they were dull and hid a lot of sadness. Carefully you took the flowers and she smiled just sideways looking at you, wishing to tell you a million things now that you were finally close, but choosing to stay quiet because you asked. -"I will go back with Barb..." - She whispered before leaving and you smelled the flowers, not only did they have their normal scent, but her perfume had also stuck to the paper that wrapped them, which made you smile softly without you noticing.
At the end of the little party they had organized, you drove home with your little one and the bouquet of flowers.
While your child was bathing, you opened the paper covering the flowers to place them in water, a small envelope with a letter fell to the floor. Curious and confused, you picked it up and opened it to find the unmistakable handwriting of the redhead
"Hello... I didn't know if you would accept the flowers, but if you're reading this it means that you did and they didn't end up in the dumpster like I thought... I'm so sorry for everything I said and what happened. From the moment I met you I fell in love with you, but the more I knew about your husband and how perfect you were, the more I doubted if I was worthy of having you by my side. He was an excellent dad, a very brave man, an amazing husband and a very good person in general, perfect for you... And I'm nothing like that and, besides, I'm old... I was jealous of him and what an amazing couple you made and I felt stupid for being jealous of someone who had passed away, so I didn't told you anything. Every day that passed, I felt less deserving of you and because I did not to mention my doubts with you, my insecurities came to the surface in the worst way at the worst time.
You don't have an idea of how sorry I am for what I said and for hurting you and for doing so many stupid things. I miss you and Chris so much.
I understand now that I lost you, how much it hurts to lose the love of your live. I'm sorry for invalidate your pain.
I hope you can forgive me one day.
With love M"
You stared at the letter for a few minutes, the truth is that Mel's anger wasn't unjustified, maybe it wasn't well expressed but she was right. You carefully grabbed your phone and unlocked the redhead's number, admiring her profile picture for a few seconds. After a little more consideration, you decided to send her a message
-You: "Thank you for the gorgeous flowers Mel... Do you think we can talk someday about what happened... About us?..."-Once you sent the message, you were left nervously waiting for a response that came almost immediately
-Melissa: "Yes please... Tomorrow after school?"-The redhead replied
-You: "I'll be working... Is there any chance that you can come to the office?" - You answered a little nervous
-Melissa: "I will be there after school"-She replied and you smiled softly
-"You:thank you... I will see you tomorrow, have a good night Mel"-It was the last thing you sent before you went check on your child in the bathroom.
The next day Mel was very exited about seeing you again, even though she might have to face the hurt that she did to you and hear you scream to her, she really missed you and needed to see you again.
For your part, you also wanted to see her to clarify some things, even though you were hurt, you really wanted to try to fix everything. You were aware that there were times when we all say things that hurt and that no relationship is perfect and everything takes work.
Although you and Mel had a desire to talk, fate didn't care. Even if it seemed like it would be a quiet day at your job, a call to the fire station changed everything. Gas pipes in a large building had exploded, not only causing the building to catch fire but also cause it to collapse. Immediately your station had to go to the call for help. While they were riding in the truck, you sent a message to the redhead, because you couldn't call her since she wouldn't be able to hear you for the sirens
-You:"Hi Mel, I know we had plans to talk today, but a complicated call just came in and I don't know at what time we will finish, I'm so sorry. Maybe we can talk tomorrow... Also, can you tell Miss Howard that maybe I will be a little late to pick Chris up, please. Thank you and I'm sorry"-You sent the message a little nervous about the situation
-Mel:"Hi honey, yes, no worries, I'll tell her and we can talk tomorrow. Please be safe" - Mel's answer was short but calmed you down a bit.
By the time you got to the building, everything was more complicated than you expected, so they immediately got to work saving as many people as possible.
Meanwhile at school, Melissa was teaching her classes but she felt watched, and it wasn't because of her students as they were all busy doing their homework. She carefully scanned the entire room, looking for the reason why she felt that way. When her eyes fell on the door, she found the source. Your little boy was watching her hidden behind the frame, and although the redhead could see almost half of the little boy's body, Chris thought it was very well hidden.
-"Chris... Are you okay?" - The redhead asked and got up from the desk and walked over to your son and knelt in front of him
-"No... My head hurts and I wanna go home" - Your son made his best sad little eyes looking at the redhead
-"Did you tell Barbara? Why are you alone in the hallway?" - Mel asked worriedly, frowning
-"I told her I was going to the bathroom... I miss my mom, can you call her please?" - Chris pleaded and Mel picked him up in her arms
-"Your mommy is working saving people... But if you want you can stay with me until your mommy arrives, would you like that?" - She asked and the little one nodded hiding in her neck.
Melissa knew that when Chris missed you or had a rough day he would say he had a headache so they call you to pick him up, but since you were busy, she would take care of him until you arrived. Mel alerted Barbara of the situation and stayed with your little one in her classroom while she teached.
When the fire stopped and people were safe, everyone went back to the station. You immediately tasked one of your lieutenants with reporting the mission, took off your protective clothes, and ran to the car to pick up your son. The mission had gone on much longer than planned and the kids had already left school and you hadn't gone to pick up your little one. While you were driving, you called Barbara and she told you that Mel had stayed at school with him waiting for you.
The school was empty when you arrived, but as you entered the redhead's classroom you breathed a sigh of relief when you saw the two of them there. Mel was sitting at her desk and your son was asleep curled up in her arms, with his head on her chest and her coat on his back protecting him from the cold. The woman's desk was filled with toys, books, and an empty food Tupperware, showing you how well the redhead had taken care of him.
-"Hi Mel..."-You whispered without really knowing how to greet her, a hug might be too much for how delicate the situation still was, let alone a kiss, and if you make to much fuss, your son might wake up. So you just got closer to them without touching anything-"Thank you for taking care of him, the call was a mess and was longer than expected, I'm sorry that you had to stay" - You whispered a little embarrassed
-"Hi (Y/N)... Are you kidding? I'm happy that I had to stay with him, we had an amazing time and I missed him so much... And he missed my food too"-She joked and you laughed softly. The redhead carefully got up from her chair to hand Chris over to you softly, not taking off her jacket so that his body wouldn't get cold. Your son frowned when Mel pulled him away from her body, but smiled when he felt you and continued sleeping.
Mel frowned, looking at your face more carefully
-"Yeah, I got a little hurt and I didn't stopped to wash my face, but I'm okay..."-You whispered trying to calm her worry-"Thank you for taking care of him..."-You thanked again as she took her purse and the two of you walked down the hallway-"Did you come in your car?" - You asked as she opened the school door letting you out first
-"It's a pleasure, I love being with him... No, I came with Barbara and she's already gone, I'll ask for a uber to go home" - She responded by taking her cell phone out of her purse
-"I'll drive you home, it's the least I can do..."-You replied and she smiled nodding in gratitude. Once your son was secured in his chair, the two of you climbed up and drove home quietly, it wasn't awkward but there was a bit of tension in the silence. The trip went by too quickly for your liking, and even though you hadn't talked about anything, you realized how much you had missed having her by your side, it hurt you what she said, but it hurt you more no having her close. Mel was about to open the car door to get out but your voice stopped her
-"The new season of Bridgeton is out... Do you want to come home to watch it?" - You asked nervously and she looked at you in surprise
-"I would love to... But are you sure you want this? Having me in your home?" - She replied in a trembling voice
-"I'm sure" - You answered confidently and she took her hand out of the door and put her seat belt back on.
Once you got to your house and put your son to bed, you turned on the TV opening Netflix but Mel called your name from the bathroom, confused you followed her and saw her with a wet towel in her hands and the emergency kit
-"Come... Let me clean your face first, we don't want it to be infected" - The redhead spoke and you sat on the small bench that your son climbed on to brush his teeth, Mel sat on the toilet with the lid closed and began to wipe your face with the damp towel. Her hands were soft and delicate, carefully running the towel over your features, wiping a small cut on your forehead with special care, even though you had your eyes closed, you could feel her watchful gaze on you
-"I'm sorry" - You whispered with your eyes closed, and the redhead's actions stopped
-"For your cuts? I don't like that you are hurt, but I'm glad it was something small and not something more dangerous" - Mel resumed her actions and you took her wrist gently making her stop her movements, slowly you opened your eyes and raised your gaze to look into her eyes
-"I'm sorry for not loving you the way you deserve it... I'm not saying that what you did was okay, but I know that somehow I pushed you to said what you said and in part you were right... I couldn't let him go because he literally saved my life and I felt like I owned something to him, loyalty even if he wasn't here, I was scared of forgetting him or that Chris forget him... I know I will never completely forget him because I see him in the face of my son every day and I know that Chris won't forget him because he loves him and knows the kind of person his father was, but I also know that holding into him won't bring him back and will only take you away from us. You are part of our family now, you are everything that I need, you are here now, you love us, you protect us and you are everything that we were missing... I get now that you are not here to replace him, but you are here to complete us... And I'm sorry for pushing you away"-You whispered, still holding her hand, and Mel smiled, resting her forehead on yours
-"I'm sorry for being an asshole and for being mean, you didn't deserve that. I'm sorry for letting my insecurities get the worst of me... I don't want to lose you both and I don't want you to forget your husband or that Chris forget his father, I just want to have a place here" - Mel pointed to your heart and you barely smiled-"Because you and Chris occupied my whole heart..."-Mel kissed your forehead gently and you hugged her waist resting your head on her chest-"I also love the pictures that you put on the wall where we are all together... We look like a cute family" - Mel whisper against your hair
-"We are a family, you are our family... I really missed you Mel... I love you" - You murmured against her chest
-"I love you honey" - Mel gave you a little kiss and kept holding you tight
#abbott elementary#lisa ann walter#abbott elementary fanfic#abott elementary#abott elementary fanfic#lissa ann walter#lesbian#lisa ann walter fanfic#pinkthrone445#abbot elementary#melissa schemmenti smut#melissa ann schemmenti#melissa schemmenti x you#melissa schemmenti fanfic#melissa schemmenti x reader#melissa schemmenti#lwl#soft lesbian love
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To Be Loved
~ gif not mine credit to owner ~
Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!Reader
Summary: Y/n realises her self worth.
Word count: 2,831
Warnings: angst. angst. cheating (I’m sorry). self hatred. Sharon. forms of self harming. Steve and Sharon are scumbags.
A/N: i was listening to Adele To Be Loved and this idea came to me
Masterlist
Everything was in their correct places, she made sure of it. Seven times. It had to be perfect. Today marked three years of marriage for her and Steve, instead of going out they both agreed to celebrate their anniversary at home with a home cooked meal, fine wine and slow music and to top it off with an intimate moment shared together in their bed.
The plan was perfect.
The house was perfect.
The dress she was wearing was perfect.
The meal smelted delicious as it cooked away in the oven.
The only thing now was for her to wait for her love to come home.
She sat at the dining chair watching as the clock on the over tick on by getting further away from the agreed upon time that he was supposed to arrive. Every time she rang him the call dropped straightaway, her messaged just staying on delivered. Fidgeting ever so often trying to smooth out the crinkles of her dark green dress that he told her to wear for their special occasion.
Two hours, still not home.
Three hours, still not home.
Fou- she finally gave up.
Emptying the plates full of now cold food, she turned off the radio, took her heels off and collapsed on the couch.
It had been a long time since she had cried, and that night she cried until her heart started to squeeze painfully.
She cried until sleep over took her weaken body.
She forgave him the next day when he got in at six o’clock that morning. He showed up with flowers and told her that he was sorry, something about a mission brief that ran way too long.
Though she didn’t necessarily believe him or his lie but she was just happy he was home so she never questioned him.
She plastered a fake smile and made out that she watched a sad movie and that was the reason for her make up - the same she took time in perfecting - was ruined, not the real reason for the dried mascara tear tracks running down her cheeks.
A week later she walked into the tower finding it strange that no one made their way to greet her like they always did before. She walked into Steve’s room to surprise him, when she got a surprise of her own.
Her husband of three years, the man that she had been with for six years, the man that she had been in love with for eight years was thrusting away like his life depended on it into a woman that she had been insecure about since she came back to work for SHIELD, the same woman that Steve had reassured her that she had no reason to worry or to be threatened by.
Sharon.
She had no idea how long she stood there for watching the scene in front of her until she watched them kiss, it was then and only then she stumbled backwards knocking into the door which caused a noise.
The headboard stopped violently banging against the wall, the mattress stopped squeaking and Steve’s face drained of all colour as he saw his wife catching him in the act of his betrayal.
“B-baby” he had the audacity to call her whilst still inside of another woman.
Her heart pounded rapidly in her chest as she forced her legs to take a step in front of the other, shaking as she pressed the elevator button her eyes stung as the tears threatened to break over the barrier.
The moment the silver shiny doors open she stepped in repeatedly hitting the close button just as Steve managed to make it around the corner.
This man who she had loved for eight years, the same man that she had just caught cheating had the audacity to look sad at the heart-breaking expression on her face.
A month had gone by since that painful day, and after weeks of him begging and grovelling and profusely promising that he would never do it again, that he would be better. Promising that he would go to therapy to fix his mistakes.
She asked how many times he had cheated on her and he hesitated before telling her that it had been going on for a month before hastily telling her that it meant nothing, just sex - as if that made it any better.
Now please don’t judge her, for eight years she had loved him more than she had ever thought you could love someone and for six years he was all she knew. She loved him with all that she had even if he did the one thing that she never thought he would do to her. She took him back.
When the team found out what he had done they rallied around to the apartment she shared with Americas golden boy, all telling her that they knew nothing, Tony had told her that he told Fury that he was kicking Sharon out of the tower and how Fury had made her move to a different SHIELD location. The team cleaned up the mess she had made the night she got back to their apartment after catching her husband’s betrayal.
The team understood why she agreed to take him back though none of them liked it. They thought-no knew she deserved better than their friend, their captain. But they promised that they would always be there if she ever needed them, no matter what.
Steve understood that it was going to take her some time for them to go back to being ‘normal’ even though she didn’t know if they could ever get back what they once had.
She tried, she really did try and put it behind her but every night when she closed her eyes she was plagued by the memories of him with a woman that wasn’t her. Every time she woke up she would look to the right of her to find him facing her sleeping peacefully.
And every night she sneaked into the bathroom to put two fingers down her throat to be sick.
She was trying to be better she really was, she couldn’t help but flinch every time he went to kiss her or when he told her that he loved her.
She tried.
God she tried.
The first time they had sex was four months after his betrayal came to light. She hated how much she loved that feeling of him being on her, that feeling of him being close to her. She hated it because the loud banging of the headboard and the squeaks of the mattress took her back to that moment.
After what was normally an act that she once loved and treasured, that had now become a bittersweet moment between the married couple she went to the bathroom and did her routine that she did now after every meal she was forced to eat.
Though she was struggling, she wasn’t the only one.
Steve had gotten mad more than once about how she would always pull away from him or how she wouldn’t look him in the eyes anymore or how their lovemaking was now him doing all the work. He couldn’t understand why she hadn’t gotten over it like she said she did - she never said that, she just forgave him.
He had also complained not only to her but to his friends about her weight loss, how he would see her flicking the elastic band against her wrist that she would now wear.
What Steve hated most was when a storm made its way through New York she wouldn’t seek shelter in the warm comfort of his arms, no she would now lock herself in the bathroom and sit in the corner with her knees pulled up to her chest, flinching every time the loud cracking sound made it’s way through the apartment.
He had made the biggest mistake of his life and now it was costing him.
A year had gone by, six months of Steve getting solo counselling and another six months of them both going to marriage counselling later they had gone back to being how they once were, don’t get it wrong she still sometimes got nightmares about his betrayal but each time she would talk about it to him the next morning and they would talk it over, just like their therapist suggested.
Everything was going perfectly once again they celebrated their fourth anniversary together where Steve took her to a cabin that had a private lake, they spent the nights looking up at the stars that twinkled up in the dark sky and she would giggle when he picked her up and carried her to bed before making love to her over and over again.
Sometimes she would be okay with what happened in the past but then she would find herself thinking if Steve had what they had with Sharon.
It all came crumbling down six months after their fourth year anniversary when Steve announced that he would be travelling with the rest of the Avengers to help out the SHIELD headquarters in London.
Her heart stuttered hearing that.
That was exactly where Sharon had been located to.
He promised that he wouldn’t go anywhere near her, said that he would never make that mistake again. Swore that he was so in love with her that he wasn’t going to stray away from their marriage again.
She believed him.
She trusted him.
Five minutes after he left their apartment she rang to the bathroom to do something she hadn’t done in months. She put her fingers down her throat.
Every day that he had been away he rang her to talk about everything and anything, she had asked him if he had seen Sharon, he said yes but every time she tried to talk to him he walked away.
She believed him.
She trusted him.
When he came home with a massive bouquet of her favourite flowers, neither one of them left the apartment for three days straight. Both had grown sore from their activities.
One night, three weeks after he arrived back from London she received a text message from an unknown number, two photos were attached.
Her heart shattered.
A photo of a sonogram with Sharon Carters name at the top and a screenshot of Sharon’s messages she shared with Steve. Steve talking about how he couldn’t wait to be a dad, her saying that their time in London was special and him agreeing.
She looked to the right of her and saw him sleeping peacefully.
And once again she crept out of bed and began her routine she unfortunately picked up again.
He told her he was going on a solo mission and that he would be back in two weeks. She nodded and kept her head down. He couldn’t understand why she didn’t look at him or how she moved her head to the side so he only kissed her cheek.
She wasn’t foolish. She had gone through his phone and saw the messages between him and Sharon, he wasn’t going on a solo mission he was going back to London to spend some time with her and the growing baby in her stomach.
Her wrist had now a permanent circular bruise from snapping the elastic band.
She had lost count of the amount of tear she had shed from his betrayal and now that there was going to be a child added to the mix she cried more than she had ever done before.
Finally gaining the strength and courage she went to a lawyer and filed for divorce, it broke her heart to do so but it needed to be done. She could no longer go on like this. She could no longer be made a fool out of.
She needed to finally love herself, once again.
When he came home after being in London with her and their unborn child he frowned at seeing their apartment next to empty, all of her things missing, he saw her sitting on the couch looking just a beautiful as she always had.
“Baby? What’s wrong?”
“I know about London and how you’re having a baby with her. Please sign the divorce papers”
“B-baby no… no she means noth-“
“You told her that you love her. You’re having a child with her. Please just stop and sign the papers”
He got down on his knees in front of her begging and crying, pleading with her to change her mind, told her that he would never have anything to do with Sharon or the baby ever, that they could be happy again.
She responded with telling him to sign the papers.
He cried and cried. Telling her how much of a mistake he had made, telling her over and over again that Sharon meant nothing to him. She flinched and grew angry when he said the baby meant nothing to him. That’s when she snapped.
“How dare you! That baby is innocent, as much as I can’t stand it’s parents don’t you dare say that! Poor child was only conceived because you couldn’t keep it in your pants, because you and its mother are terrible people. Yo-you promised me last time and I forgave you, and yet here we are now and you’re having a child with a woman that isn’t me. Sign the papers I won’t ask again.”
“P-p-please we can m-make this work”
“You honestly expect me to stay with you whilst you have a child with your mistress? No Steven that’s not happening. I choose to pick me first now, I deserve better, I deserve to be happy. You and your mistress deserve each other, you and your mistress deserves to be so miserable with each other. Just sign the fucking papers!”
He flinched at her swearing, his heart cracking as she pushed the divorce papers into his chest, he admits that he only slept with her once in London and the next morning the regret washed over him like a tidal wave threatening to swallow him whole. He didn’t love Sharon, god knows he didn’t. He loves the woman standing in front of him. Heck he wasn’t even sure if the child was his as Sharon has a boyfriend.
He finally took the pen from her hand and shakily opened up the papers, his heart sinking into the pits of hell seeing that she had already signed it. Gazing up to face her once more he realised that she was dead serious about this, he couldn’t let her down again so he signed his name next to hers.
“Thank you. Goodbye Steven have a terrible life”
They were the last words he would ever hear come out of her mouth as she walked straight past him and out of his life.
Months later she was behind the counter of the diner she worked at laughing at what one of the customers was saying about something his two year old son had gotten up to, wiping down the counter as another customer chimed in talking about how it only gets worse from here on out with children when the TV that was hanging in the top right corner said something that had a woman laughing.
It was being announced that the baby that Sharon had publicly announced as Steve’s was indeed not his. The baby had been born not even a month earlier and was already infamous by being the possible child from Captain America’s affair.
“I still can’t believe he cheated on his wife with that thing” Joey a loyal customer scoffed with a shake of his head.
“What’s your take on this sugar?” Lolly - Joey’s wife - asked as she sipped from her coffee.
“It’s a shame really” you answered keeping your eyes on the small television screen watching as Steve walked out of the courthouse where the camera man zoomed in on Steve’s wedding ring finger, seeing the ring that she put on his finger nearly five years ago still sitting there.
As for her, she finally found was it was like to love herself again. She could look herself in the mirror now and not point out her ‘flaws’, she no longer wore an elastic band around her wrist, nor did she force herself to be sick.
She was still sick sometimes but not because she wanted to be.
She was finally happy, her skin was glowing as Kiki - her boss - had kept telling her. Her happiness and self-love continued to grow along with her stomach.
Placing one hand on the right side of her large protruding stomach she smiled up at the screen seeing Steve in his car with tears streaming down his cheeks.
Let it be known that she had survived, and that she had gained the love for herself that she thought she had lost.
Tags: @imcinnamoons | @pigeonmama | @capsbestgirl77
#marvel#marvel fanfiction#Steve rogers#Steve rogers angst#steve rogers fanfiction#steve rogers reader#steve rogers x yn#steve angst#steve rogers fic#steve rogers cheating#cheating Steve rogers#steve rogers x f!reader#steve rogers x gf reader#steve rogers fanfic#steve rogers oneshot#steve rogers captain america#captain america steve rogers#steve rogers imagine#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers sad
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mornings - part two
MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DNI
cw: more angst, still no comfort (i promise it’s coming in the next part), heartbreak, one mention of panic attacks, prescription benzo use, recreational coke use, drinking, arguing, mention of a gun and a gunshot at the end, not proofread lol
an: thank u all SO SO much for all of the love on part one !!! i am blown away and in awe. there also will be a part three for sure <3
the past twenty-six days had not been kind to you. your mornings were spent rotting away in bed until your mom would force you to get up, her expression of concern always made you feel even worse. your days weren’t much better, you forced yourself to detach from your heart and numb your emotions. it was the only way you knew how to keep going. you put on a mask during the day with your parents, giving them occasional smiles and laughs that weren’t the kind that warmed their hearts. they knew you weren’t okay, but they also knew they couldn’t force you to talk about it or you’d shut down completely. your nights consisted of taking a benzodiazepine in order to fall asleep, you couldn’t sleep without them. you tried, it only led to intense panic attacks and hysterical sobs that made your mother’s heart break in front of you.
this morning had been a bit different. you were awakened when you felt a weight in your bed, and in the haze of waking up you initially thought it was rafe. you shot up the moment you remembered everything, eyes widening and heart racing, but you looked over to see sarah in your bed. "oh my god, sarah you scared the hell out of me!" you exclaimed, holding a hand over your chest.
she let out a giggle, "i'm sorry, your mom let me in. i miss you," her tone was gentle. you had become very close with sarah during your relationship with rafe. being over at the cameron's house so often led to a beautiful friendship forming between the two of you. she was like a sister to you, something you cherished deeply as you didn't grow up with a sister.
you felt a pang of guilt in your chest at her words. you knew she missed you, she'd messaged you every single day since your break up without fail, even if you didn't always text back. you had seen her a couple times, but when she asked about what happened, you told her you weren't ready to talk about it. sarah was incredibly understanding, knowing how much you loved her brother and not wanting to push you too far.
"i miss you too, sar. i'm sorry i've been such a shit friend lately." you responded to her. you gave her a small smile, curling up next to her as she sat against your headboard.
"it's okay, i know you're not doing great with everything going on right now," she trailed off with a sad smile, "but, you're going out with me tonight!" she became animated as she spoke.
you didn't have it in your heart to deny her, not when she looked at you like you were the most important person in her world. "you know i can't say no to you. where are we going?" you asked curiously.
"there's going to be a huge party at the boneyard, and you're coming with me. no ifs, ands, or buts." she giggled out, "i need to get you out of your room, you're rotting away in here, babe."
"god, you sound just like my mother," you teased back. "i'll go though, i miss you more than you know. i even miss the pogues a bit." you both laughed, referencing her newer relationship with john b.
you couldn't prevent your curiosity from getting the better of you, "how- how has he been?"
sarah bit her lip, debating internally how much to tell you. "he's been... not great. i don't see him much when i'm home, he's usually in his room with the door shut. he's been a lot more moody too, snapping at literally everyone in the house. it probably didn't help that i told him he's an idiot and he fucked up the best thing to ever happen to him."
you couldn't suppress the laugh that slipped through your lips or the slight satisfaction you felt knowing that you weren't the only one struggling. "i love you sar. thank you." you leaned over, giving her a hug.
"i love you too. now get your ass up and shower. we're getting you a new outfit for the party."
you spent the next few hours strolling through the streets of figure eight with sarah. your arms held multiple shopping bags, filled with clothes she insisted you needed for tonight. you were incredibly grateful that she had forced you out of bed, you actually felt human for the first time since everything happened.
you found yourself in a small cafe, giggling as sarah told you a story from one of her drunken adventures with the pogues.
“you know… you should talk to jj tonight. i know he thinks you’re hot.” sarah gave you a mischievous smile as she wiggled her brows.
“funny,” you rolled your eyes playfully at her, “but it’s way too soon for me to get into anything with anybody right now.”
“i didn’t mean start dating him, i just think you would have fun together.”
“i just- i don’t know, sar. i’ve been such a wreck these past few weeks… can i tell you what happened?” you looked up from your fingers to meet her eyes, now widened with shock.
“yeah, of course you can. but don’t feel like you have to if you don’t want to.”
you were grateful for her support, going into your explanation of how the last couple months of your relationship, rafe’s behavior changed drastically. sarah hung on to your every word, needing to know exactly what led to the end of your relationship.
“and so i walked into the country club to surprise him. i spent the whole morning getting ready, did my makeup how he likes, even wore a new sundress that i know he would have loved. but i walked in and…” you looked up as your vision began to blur, “he was talking with some bitch i’ve never seen before bartending. she had short brunette hair, but he fucking smirked at her the way he only does- did for me. and- and then, she basically fucking held his hand while she fucked him with her eyes, and he let it happen!”
you spit the words out like they were poison on your tongue, not noticing your voice beginning to raise with frustration. sarah’s jaw was nearly on the floor.
“what the- what the fuck?” she racked her brain, trying to remember if she’d seen anyone matching your description recently, but nothing came to her.
“god, shit. i’m so sorry, babe. i don’t know what the fuck is wrong with him.” she attempted to console you as you dabbed your eyes with a napkin.
you shrugged your shoulders, “what’s done is done. i just want to forget about everything for a while.”
she nodded, “then let’s go get ready. we can pregame at yours and ride with john b and them.”
after a few shots, a couple hours spent transforming yourself to not look like you spent the last three weeks trying to cope with your break up, and a lot of laughter, you and sarah were ready to go.
you wore a cropped loosely crocheted white sweater over your pink bikini and a white miniskirt that hugged your hips , the strings from your bottom peaking out from the top of it. you were finally feeling good about yourself again, and you’d be damned if you let anyone ruin it.
the ride to the boneyard only lifted your spirits more. it was impossible not to laugh around the pogues, especially when jj did whatever he could to hear your giggle.
you arrived just as the party was beginning to pick up. relief flooded your veins when you didn’t see rafe anywhere. you knew it was a possibility he’d be here, but it was going to be significantly easier to have a decent night without his presence lingering around.
you filled up a red solo cup at the keg, downing the cheap alcohol before refilling it.
“slow down there, or you might not make it too long.” jj approached you, giving you a flirty smile.
you gave him a laugh in response, “i’ll be fine, jay. i just want to be able to let loose tonight.”
“stick by me then, don’t want any of these pervs creeping on you.” the thinly veiled concern in his voice made you smile. you know he’s flirting, but it’s clear he wants to keep you safe knowing it’s your first night out in so long.
you spent the next hour surrounded by the pogues, and true to his word, jj looked out for you. he did so well that you failed to notice who had shown up to the party, the one and only rafe cameron.
rafe, on the other hand, saw you immediately upon arriving. it was impossible for him not to when your presence demanded his attention. he was not happy to see who you were hanging around with. his ongoing beef with the pogues was well known by everybody on the island. he didn’t come to party though, he had other business to attend to as barry gave him a side eye, “fuck are you doing, country club? you can fight for your girl later, we’ve got shit to do.”
your drink had somehow disappeared. your furrowed your brows as you looked down, giggling to yourself as you told your friends you were going to get another one. you were at the perfect level of drunk, not to the point of blacking out or vomiting, but to where you couldn’t quite walk in a straight line and everything was funny to you.
you stumbled up to the keg, starting to fill up your cup when you felt someone watching you. the hairs on the back of your neck stood up, you instantly knew who it was. it was as though there was a chip in you that alerted you to when he was nearby. you took a deep breath as you turned your head slightly, seeing rafe sat next to a man you didn’t know as he handed a small plastic bag filled with overpriced coke to a touron. rafe’s eyes didn’t leave you as he signaled him to leave.
you could hear your heartbeat in your ears, the hand holding onto your cup now trembling and the lump in your throat building. rafe stood, starting to approach you as you froze. your brain was screaming at you to run but your body refused to move an inch.
“what the fuck do you want, cameron?” your words were spat out with venom. your tone clearly surprised you both as he looked shocked momentarily. you were typically one to stand your ground, but never ever was your attitude aimed towards him.
“what do you mean ‘what the fuck do i want’? you fucking up and left out of nowhere and haven’t spoken to me in almost a month.” his voice was filled with anger, his nose flaring as he clenched his jaw.
you let out a humorless laugh, “out of nowhere? you can’t be serious, rafe. you treated me like shit the last few months of our relationship.” you didn’t yet mention seeing his interaction with the bartender at the country club, not knowing if topper and kelce had told him about seeing you when you left that fateful day.
“what? be-because i couldn’t be with you twenty-four fucking seven? like i- i wasn’t out working my ass off to afford nice shit for you?”
“‘working your ass off’ will you stop fucking lying to me? i fucking saw you at the country club,” his facial expression showed confusion, bringing his brows together to try and understand what you were talking about, “you let that bitch touch you, you looked at her how you used to look at me. i spent hours getting ready, i showed up, wanting to surprise my boyfriend for lunch, and what do i see? my boyfriend letting some bartender hang off of him while he flirts with her?”
your voice had raised as you got more and more angry. you were now shouting at him as other partygoers failed to hide their stares and murmuring. nobody ever talked to the kook prince the way you currently were, unless they wanted their face bashed in.
rafe grabbed your arm harshly, pulling you down the beach and away from others. you stumbled behind him, knowing you weren’t physically or mentally strong enough to push him away.
when you looked up at him, you suddenly noticed his blown-out pupils. you felt your heart sink. “you’re using again.” you stated flatly.
he scoffed, rolling his eyes at you. “don’t act like you fucking care.” he spat out at you.
“jesus fucking christ- rafe, when did you start again?”
“don’t worry about it. when did you come to the country club?” his tone was demanding, sparking further irritation in you.
“the day i left. i- i let a lot of shit slide for too long, because… because i wanted to be a good girlfriend and support you when i thought you were just stressed out from work. and, in return, i get to watch my boyfriend make me look like a fucking idiot.”
rafe was silent for a minute, his lips pursed as he clearly was trying to remember what he was doing before he came home to an angry ward and an empty room. then realization hit him, he knew exactly what you were talking about. he brought his palm up to his face, groaning.
when he was about to speak, he was cut off. “is cameron bothering you?” jj’s familiar voice called out. you looked past rafe’s large figure to see all of the pogues standing beside him, looking ready for a fight if it came to it.
rafe gave a humorless chuckle, “stay the fuck out of it, pogue.” he clearly wouldn’t go down without a fight either.
your heart stopped for a moment and your body filled with ice cold terror as jj pulled out a gun that was hidden behind his back in his waistband. it was clear you weren’t the only one not expecting it as the rest of them looked at jj with concern, john b telling him to put it away. “yeah? let’s fucking go, rafe. been itching for a fight for too long.”
everything became blurred. the mixture of shouting, seeing figures suddenly moving towards each other, and the unmistakeable sound of a gunshot, and then everything went black.
#divider creds: xxbimbobunnyxx#rafe x reader#rafe outer banks#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe x fem!reader#rafe cameron x fem!reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron drabble#rafe obx#rafe fanfiction#rafe x you#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron fic#obx fic#obx
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The birthday gift - Part 2
Halsin x f!Tav/Reader
Title might be replaced in the future
-> A/N: Guess what people, I have written more-!
Halsin really does bring out my creativity like nothing else and I even have ideas for a third part **huhoo**
Please be aware that I might change some of this in the future to fit the next part and that i wrote most of it while sleep deprived; if i missed any typos or the likes hit me up with a private message or something
So yeah anyways, about the story:
Halsin and Tav (= You/ Reader) wake up the morning after their first night together (see here for details) and go about their days doing hero stuff.
When things turn stressful for you, Halsin comforts you and takes you to Bloomridge park to unwind, not anticipating the effect some simple honey eating has on your desire to suckle ... other things.
-> Genre? Fluff & Smut/ Porn with Plot, some hurt/comfort
-> Tags? Oral + handjob (m!receiving), food play, praise kink (for reader), public (kinda) sex/ outdoor sex, dom!Halsin (but he is still a sweetie pie ofc), uhh yea if i missed anything let me know :)
-> Words? 5.7 k
-> Reblogs & Comments? Greatly appreciated <3
-> Hotel? Trivago
──────────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───────────────────
The warm rays of the sun filtering through the windows greet you when you open your eyes the next morning.
You hear the soft rustling of your companions getting ready for the day as the delicious smell of fried bacon wafts over from where Gale is undoubtedly preparing breakfast over the fireplace. You feel your stomach grumble, and immediately a hand wraps around from behind you to gently rub your belly.
“Hungry already, my heart?” Halsin whispers playfully. “Did I not sate you last night?”
A sly smile spreads across his face as you turn around to the large elf holding you.
You blush at the thought and slap his hand away in mocked affront.
“Stop teasing me; you know full well how good you are!” He chuckles, his eyebrow raised in a smug expression that makes you want to crawl back under the blanket and hide your face in embarrassment. “You are impossible!” Scrambling to your feet, you turn to leave and get dressed for the day, but Halsin quickly sits up and pulls you back into his lap.
“Last night was wonderful”, Halsin mumbles into your ear as he places a soft kiss on your head. “I agree”, you sigh.
“Silvanus has truly blessed me with you.” You smile as you lean into his embrace. Halsin cups your face to look into your eyes, once again making your heart stumble over itself over the sheer beauty of the man before you. Your breath hitches as you lose yourself in his gaze, the brown flecks in the blue and green of his irises glowing in the sunlight.
“I want you to know that wherever this takes us, you will always have me by your side. I would give whatever it takes to protect you.” Your heart swells in sheer adoration, and at a loss for words, you kiss him deeply, trying to put all of your gratitude into that simple gesture.
He smiles at you before he pulls you both up and gently guides you to where your party has already gathered for breakfast, his hand firmly in yours.
You expected surprised faces —maybe even a disapproving ‘tsk’ from Lae’zel— but when you and Halsin sit down with the others, you are merely greeted with a smirk and a knowing glance from Shadowheart, who occupies the bed next to yours and has probably already spread the word of your union.
“It’s about time you two got your hands on each other”, Gale says as he hands you your plates. “I know what sad, hopeless pining looks like, and frankly, it was getting embarrassing. Even for my standards”, he adds with a sympathetic chuckle.
“Why are we not eating downstairs?” you manage to ask in an attempt to change the topic. Thankfully, it seems to work as Gale starts to complain about the quality of food in the Elfsong and how infinitely better the establishments in Waterdeep are.
The others eagerly join in the discussion, so you and Halsin manage to eat your eggs and bacon in peace without being bothered by any questions.
The day is already warm when you step out of the tavern and head down the main road to explore the city a bit more. The streets are bustling with people going about their business, seemingly unbothered by the imminent threat of the Absolute and the murders in the city. The hours pass as you look for clues on the murders in the city that hopefully lead you to Orin’s hideaway. It is only in the late hours of the afternoon that you stop at Cora Highberry’s wine festival and find a red-clothed dwarf about to attack her that you finally get the clue you’ve been missing.
Although the dwarf escapes before you can kill him, you come across a bloodstained piece of paper between the bodies of the doppelgängers that have been hiding among the festival guests.
Written full of names, some of whom are already crossed out, you realise that this must be a target list of some sort, with the notes on the sides indicating that the victims’ hands are to be brought to a ‘tribunal’ as a bloody offering for Bhaal, proving what you had feared to be true: that Orin, as the chosen of Bhaal, is behind the whole murder plot.
You need to find the source of this all, but for now, you decide to find the next victims and warn them, if possible.
Checking in on Cora and her husband to see whether they were alright, you then make your way to the next target on the list, a tailor with the name of Figaro Pennygood, who calls himself the ‘Facemaker’.
By asking around, you eventually find the ‘Facemaker’s Boutique’, a moderately large house located directly on the right of the road leading up to the gate to the upper city, next to a jeweler, and directly behind Bloomridge Park.
Something feels off the moment you enter; besides the two shop attendants, there are no customers, and the doors leading to what seem to be the clothing rooms are closed.
Hoping the staff doesn’t notice you, you open the doors and take in the scene that unfolds in front of you.
The dwarf—Dolor, as you had found out—paces behind a stool on which another dwarf sits, facing the mirror in front of him, his dark-skinned face empty and still, only the reflection of his eyes able to express the terror that has gripped him.
Dolor has not yet noticed you, as he is occupied with revealing his plans to his victim, and you take the extra time to take in more of the room, with the seemingly lifeless body of the Flaming Fist you had briefly encountered in the Elfsong catching your eye. She too has been paralysed by Dolor, who now raises his dagger to slit the Facemaker’s throat.
You interrupt him before he can strike, but the battle that ensues is bloody. The shop attendants you met in the front room turn out to be doppelgängers too, and with the Fist and Pennygood paralysed, you are outnumbered. But between punches, kicks, healing spells, and fireballs being flung, you eventually manage to turn the fight around. With a disgusting crunch, you bring your fist down on Dolor’s neck, his body finally crumbling beneath you.
You let out an exhausted huff and exchange an assuring glance with Halsin before you search your pack for some remedy against the paralysis that still has its hold on the Fist and the Figaro. Before long, both victims are back on their feet and luckily unharmed, although quite shaken by the unexpected attack.
Thankful for his rescue, the ‘Facemaker’ assures you a very generous discount on all of his wares, and with the help of Devella Fountainhead, the Flaming Fist, you figure out the meaning of the letters in Dolor’s pocket, which finally give you the much-needed information as to where Orin is hiding.
Apparently, the purpose behind all this is to be judged by the Tribunal of Bhaal to become an Unholy Assassin in his name.
Accessed by the local shop “Candulhallow’s Tombstones”, the tribunal resides somewhere under the city, and the door is to be opened by a passphrase scrawled into the corner of one of the papers.
When you stumble into your room in the Elfsong a few exhausting, preparation-filled days later, completely spent and eagerly awaiting your bed, you are greeted with a worrying sight: Yenna, the little red-headed girl whom you have given some coin back in Rivington and who joined your camp a while ago, stands before you with Lae’zel above her, seething, a knife at the girl's throat, and a firm grip on her hair holding her in place.
“What is going on here?” you ask, approaching tentatively.
“I swear I didn't do any-”, the girl starts, but Lae’zel jerks her head back and hisses, “Shut up, abomination!”
She looks at you now, her gaze filled with rage. “She isn’t what she pretends to be! I saw that filthy shapeshifter transform before she snuck back into our camp. She’s trying to infiltrate us and then murder us in our sleep!”
You hesitate, because that does sound like Orin. And no matter how cruel your githyanki companion might be at times, even she wouldn’t hurt a child without good reason. You assess the scene before you, carefully considering who might be lying. The fear in the eyes of the little girl looks genuine; her trembling legs and the tears that threaten to spill from her eyes are honest. As your gaze wanders back to Lae'zel, you notice an excited glimmer in her eyes, buried deep beneath the rage she is showing. She is enjoying this.
With a firm voice, you command her to step away and leave the girl be.
“Oh, you’re such a spoilsport”, she whines with a shrill, unnatural voice, and you watch in horror as her bones crack themselves into painful angles, as her skin seems to melt into white goo before eventually turning back into another form—one you recognise.
“Orin!”, you spit out. “I suppose I should’ve expected this.”
She tilts her head with a wicked smile. “I almost got you”, she giggles in her sickeningly sweet tone. You glance around. “What have you done with Lae’zel? Where is she?”, you demand, worry filling your chest.
“I have assassins all over this wretched city, and word has reached my ear that you have killed a most promising student of mine and have now set your gaze upon the Murder Tribunal itself.” She narrows her eyes. “That is why I’m here. Oh, don’t worry, little hero, your pet is safe—for now. But that might change very soon if you don’t carefully consider what I’m about to propose to you.” You grit your teeth, but gesture for her to continue. “You see, the little tyrant is a thorn in my side, always wagging his tongue about his little plans... Oh, how I want to slice him open and spill his crimson." At that, she clutches her curved dagger to her chest in an almost loving manner, “but I cannot touch him; he made me swear an oath not to harm him.”
Her intense stare fixes yours now, her voice trembling with fervour. “But you can. Go and bring slaughter upon Gortash, and I promise I won’t harm your little pet. But disagree”, she hisses now, “and your pet will be only the first gift to my beloved Father. If you succeed, though, we will fight fairly for the Netherstones, and the loser shall be a most glorious offering to the Dread Lord! I will watch you, little hero.” And with these words, she twists a ring on her finger and vanishes in a cloud of red mist.
“Fuck!”, you exclaim, the only word you feel appropriate to use to express your frustration over the predicament you are in.
“I never knew you could swear, darling”, Astarion teases, although you notice that his usual sassy tone is wavering too.
“Well, I think it's clear what we do now”, Gale says, breaking the ensuing silence. “We have to go find and rescue Lae’zel; we can't just leave her in Orin's clutches!”
You nod slowly, although you dread what that means. “If we confront Orin while Gortash is still alive, we might as well give Lae’zel up entirely. So, our only chance is to kill him and fulfil our part of Orin’s bargain.”
“Our alliance with Gortash was bound to break sooner or later; that's not what worries me”, you continue with a sigh. “I just have no idea how we're supposed to kill him without his Steel Watchers bashing in our skulls.” You pinch the bridge of your nose, a headache starting to build in your forehead.
“Then it's best we quickly find out where these things are built, and then we'll surely discover how to disable them.”
You wish you could share in Halsin’s optimism, but with more surety than you feel, you agree to head out the next day to find the Steel Watcher’s origins. Satisfied, Gale claps his hands together. “Shall I prepare dinner?”
With these words, your little gathering dissolves, with every companion except for Gale and Wyll, who were occupied with cooking, retreating to their beds, and going about their business.
Your shoulders drop, and Halsin wraps his arms around you from behind, planting a kiss on the top of your head before soothingly rubbing your shoulders. You turn around and face him to rest your forehead against his chest, his earthy scent settling over your senses like a soft blanket. He holds your small form closely against him, his hand wandering over your back in gentle strokes.
“It will be alright. We’ll get Lae’zel back in one piece. Whatever we need to do, rest assured that I will be by your side all the time.” Silent tears escape your eyes at his words, giving way to the overwhelming exhaustion that has built up over the past few months on the road and in the city.
“I know. It’s all just so much at once. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” You sniff a little, and try to steady your voice with a deep breath. “But knowing you are by my side makes it all a lot easier.”
You feel Halsin’s chest vibrate as he hums in approval, before he lifts your chin up and locks eyes with you, his gaze full of warmth and admiration.
“Anything that troubles you, you can share with me. I love you.” Your chest clenches and your heart thumps frantically hearing these words from him, and you can only stare at him in surprise, lost for words. He chuckles and kisses you swiftly before you can even begin to answer.
“Now, let me take care of you”, he whispers as he takes your hand and leads you to his bed. He motions for you to sit down on the mattress before reaching for his pack at the foot of the bed, searching its contents.
When he has what he was looking for, he walks over to the basin near you, filling a bowl with warm water and grabbing a cloth from the table next to the basin. He places both things on his nightstand, dipping a corner of the cloth into the water and beginning to clean you from the blood and dirt that have gathered on your skin over the past day. He takes one of your hands in his and dabs the cloth over your bruised knuckles before he removes the blood from your arms and forehead. You regard him as he works in silence, your body warm from the closeness of you two and the gentleness with which he treats you.
When he is finished with cleaning you up, he takes your right hand in both of his, making it seem all the smaller. He presses his thumbs into your palm firmly and moves them up to your fingers, gently stretching them and massaging all the tension from your hand. When he is satisfied with his work, he repeats these motions on your left hand, eliciting a sigh from you when his ministrations relieve a particularly painful knot in it.
“Tell me, my heart, why do you insist on using your fists to bring on our enemies’ demise when your monastery has trained you in quarterstaffs just as well?”
Halsin looks up at you, the playful smile tugging at his lips only partially hiding the concern for your wellbeing in his eyes. You merely shrug, since you have never given your preference much thought before.
With your hands freshly wrapped in bandages, you join your companions for dinner, used to Gale cooking on the fireplace by now and enjoying the meal well enough. You pass dinner in silence, only occasionally weighing in on the conversation the others are having, your thoughts swirling around the upcoming day and the task that it brings with it.
You still lay awake as the hushed conversations have long died down, listening to the calm breathing of your companions, until you eventually fall asleep to the rhythmic rise and fall of Halsin’s chest against your back.
You sleep an uneasy sleep, memories from shadows and bloody fights mingling with images of Lae’zel’s empty eyes staring at you and of your companions laying in a puddle of blood while Orin stands above them, clutching her blade with a wicked grin.
When she lunges at you, you awake with a start, the room still dark and quiet around you, the silence only broken by the anxious thudding of your heart.
The shape of the large elf beside you stirs before Halsin gently wraps an arm around your waist to pull you closer.
“My heart?” Halsin whispers, his voice still groggy from the trance he has just woken up from.
“I’m sorry for disturbing you”, you sigh. “I just had a nightmare. Go back to your meditation; I will be alright.” You move to cup his face in your hand, planting a little kiss on his lips. You feel his mouth twist into a smile beneath you before you pull away again, and Halsin shakes his head.
“I have a better idea to calm you down. Remember the park we passed yesterday? It’s not the wilderness I am used to, but whenever I need a place to calm down, I feel safest among the Oak Father’s creations. Perhaps a stroll through the park will help you, even if it’s only a small oasis in a city like this.”
Still unsure of what you had done to deserve a man like this, you nod your head in agreement.
“Alright.” You kiss him again. “Thank you, Halsin, that is very kind of you. Let’s bring some food as well - who knows when the next chance to eat breakfast in nature arises in a place like this.”
You both scramble out of bed, taking extra care to be quiet so as not to wake up the rest of the party. Once you have packed a small picnic basket, you walk down the stairs of the Elfsong and step out into the early morning air.
It’s still pleasantly cool, the sun not yet warming the city streets. Halsin takes your hand in his, and together you make your way to Bloomridge Park, the warmth of his presence near you slowly dissipating the uneasiness that had lingered after your dreams.
The sky is starting to light up with soft golden rays when you reach the park, the day already promising to be as warm as the last one. Halsin inhales deeply, and you do the same; the smell of the lilac blossoms is heavy in the air. You let out a relieved sigh, feeling much calmer already, and you wonder whether that is because of the surrounding nature or more because Halsin is by your side.
You wander further through the flowers and trees, the chirping of the resident birds growing ever louder, until you eventually decide to settle down on a small hill in the back of the park.
Halsin has brought a blanket that he now spreads on the ground, careful not to damage the flowers growing nearby.
With a sigh, you fall down on the blanket, relishing in the peace and serenity surrounding you and admiring the beautiful red and golden streaks that the morning light paints across the sky.
After a while, you look back to Halsin and notice that he’s staring at you, his gaze fixed on your features and full of a warmth that rivals that of the rising sun.
You blush, feeling utterly naked under his careful scrutiny.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” you ask him in a small voice, feeling somewhat self-conscious now.
“No reason. Just admiring nature’s most perfect creation. You truly are a feast for my eyes.” He raises his hand to softly stroke a strand of hair away from your eyes before he bends down to you to plant a gentle kiss on your now overheated cheeks.
“If you keep saying things like that, I think I might explode”, you whisper with a smile as you sit up and hide your face in his chest, hiding the tears welling up in your eyes.
You feel him chuckle and stroke your back, before he reaches for the picnic basket you have brought.
Enjoying the still-quiet city and the birdsong around you, you begin to eat in silence, but it isn’t long before Halsin lets out an unsatisfied huff.
“Where are you going?” you ask him in surprise as he gets to his feet.
“Wait and see”, he replies with a smug grin, walking over to a nearby oak. When he steps a little to the side, you see that he has stopped in front of a beehive that clings to the tree. He reaches into his pocket and produces his pipe, enlightening it with a snap of his fingers. You watch as he blows the smoke over the buzzing hive in an attempt to calm the bees down before he confidently reaches for a comb dripping with sweet honey.
But as soon as he gets a good grip on the wax, he jerks his hand back with a hiss, taking only a small part of the honeycomb he had aimed for with him. He regards his meagre harvest before he looks up to you and scratches his head sheepishly, an embarrassed half-grin crossing his features.
“Well, that wasn’t half as impressive as I had planned.”
You cannot help but laugh at the druid’s nearly juvenile attempt at courting you, before you rush over to him to help heal the several red welts that have started forming on his hand and lower arm. He chuckles and thanks you by bending down to kiss your forehead before he takes your hand in his non-sticky one and leads you back to the rest of your breakfast.
He drizzles some of the honey directly onto the fruits you have brought and feeds you piece by piece. Turning back to his catch while you are still occupied with chewing, he notices the honey has started running down his wrist and quickly catches the stray drop with the tip of his tongue, deftly running it over the defined muscles of his forearm.
You almost choke on your piece of apple—the gorgeous sight before you reminding you all too intensely of the first night you had shared with Halsin. Although you do your best to mask the physical reaction that simple movement has caused in you with a coughing fit, Halsin seems to know exactly what you’ve been thinking.
With a malicious grin, he gathers up some more honey with the two fingers of his other hand.
“Open your mouth”, he commands, and his sudden change of tone sends shivers of excitement down your body. You do as he says, and he shoves the fingers into your mouth. Instinctively, you begin to suckle at them, the sweetness of the honey running down your throat and the sensuality of the situation making heat pool in your stomach.
You look at Halsin, his eyes fixed on your mouth around his fingers and dark with desire for you.
He pulls his fingers out again, leaning in and purring into your ear, “That’s a good girl. With you behaving like that, I cannot help but wonder how those pretty lips of yours feel wrapped around my cock~”.
You stifle a gasp at the bold statement, but the heat that is creeping up your neck and into your cheeks betrays the effect his words have on you.
You trail his movements with your gaze, wetting your lips as he scoops up more honey with his fingers and holds them in front of you. Trying to look up at him as innocently as possible, you lick some of it off with the tip of your tongue before you take them back into your mouth completely. Your round eyes looking up at him as sweetly as this make him want to shove his cock down your throat until you’re gagging, but Halsin reminds himself that he has to take it slowly with you—for now.
“That’s it, very good, little flower”, he hums, the sight of you sucking and licking his fingers alone is testing his self-control immensely.
The small moan that leaves you now as he starts thrusting his fingers in and out of your mouth makes him tense up with barely hidden arousal, the bulge in his pants getting more obvious the more you suck his fingers.
You let your hands wander slowly up his thighs towards his crotch, fumbling with the laces of his pants. You are determined to repay Halsin for the care and kindness he has showered you with the previous nights, feeling inadequate in comparison to his skill as a lover.
You are still fumbling with his waistband and simultaneously rubbing his hard cock through the fabric of his britches, when he takes his fingers out of your mouth and pulls you in for a passionate kiss.
He groans as he tastes the remaining honey on your tongue, the sweetness of it and yourself combining into an intoxicating mix.
You feel slightly dizzy when you pull back from him, breathing heavily both because of the intensity of the kiss and from the arousal thrumming through your veins and heating up the entirety of your body.
“Halsin-”, you interrupt him as he tries to move your hand from his pants and instead lower you down onto the blanket, “l-let me take care of you this time. Please, I need this.”
He stops in his tracks, raising an eyebrow in question. “Are you sure that isn’t too much? I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Not that I would mind you trying~“, he adds with a lewd grin that is quickly wiped off his face when you lower yourself onto your belly and free his erection from his britches.
You begin stroking him and are immediately rewarded with a low grunt, Halsin’s eyes now fixed on your flushed face.
With your elbows propped up, you gently nudge his legs further apart to get better access to his crotch and start licking his already swollen tip, eliciting a sharp hiss from your lover.
Splaying your hands across his thighs, you run your tongue along his shaft, slowly stroking from base to tip and back a few times before you wrap your lips around the head of his cock, careful to keep your teeth out of the way. It is a lot. Your mouth already feels full, and you’re not even halfway down. But you try to take more anyway, letting a bit more of his length slide between your lips.
Halsin rewards you with a low moan, the sight of your mouth wrapped around him and your lips darkened with your saliva makes his cock twitch as you continue moving, your head bobbing up and down between his legs.
Halsin snakes his hand into your hair, his firm grip guiding you at a pace that has him growling.
“By Silvanus, you’re incredible- hngh!”
You feel Halsin throb in your mouth, and the muscles in his thighs tense in an attempt to stop himself from bucking into your throat.
“W-where did you learn to use your mouth like that?”
You pull your mouth off his tip with a small pop and look up at him, your lips curling into an embarrassed sort of grin.
“Cucumbers”, you shrug.
“Cucumbers?”
You nod, sure your face must be bright red by now.
Halsin just stares at you, and you begin to feel a little self-conscious as he suddenly lets out a hearty laugh, his whole body vibrating beneath your hands.
“You’re full of surprises, my little flower.” He shakes his head and gently strokes your hair, before his gaze falls back onto your reddened lips.
You see the desire flare up in his eyes again, and feel his hand in your hair tighten its grip.
He bends down towards you, and with his fist guiding you back towards his erection, he whispers into your ear. “Now, be a good girl and keep sucking my cock. I want to see you swallow.”
You gulp, his commanding tone so different from his usual gentle one yet nevertheless sending sparks straight into your core and causing more wetness to gather between your thighs.
Licking your lips, you obey and take Halsin into your mouth again, this time swirling your tongue around to taste the pearl of precum that has gathered on his tip, spreading the salty, unfamiliar taste around.
“Gods, if I’d known your mouth feels so heavenly wrapped around me, I’d have let you try this sooner-”, he growls, his body tensing under your ministrations.
Sliding further down, you press your tongue on the underside of his cock and hollow your cheeks, Halsin groaning in response. With a sigh, he closes his eyes and lets his head fall back, enjoying the wet-hot sensation of your mouth taking him in.
His hand in your hair that has been steadily guiding you begins to increase the pace now, his climax approaching with every move of your tongue against him.
His length fills your mouth completely now, and you try to steady your movements in order to avoid gagging, focusing on your breathing.
You feel Halsin twitch in your mouth, signalling to you that he is close to release, so you raise your head a bit and wrap your hand around the base of his cock, saliva from your previous efforts dribbling down your chin and onto your hand.
He makes a strangled noise as you begin pumping him while your mouth and tongue work on his tip, alternating between sucking and licking, and he cannot help but buck his hips into your mouth, his self-control finally leaving him.
“Silvanus, preserve me—ugh—I'm close!”
You gag as he thrusts into your throat, struggling to accommodate his length while focusing on repressing the uncomfortable feeling that sends tears to your eyes.
But you are determined to make this work, to make Halsin feel as good as he made you feel, so you try to ignore the gagging and let him fuck your mouth, moans and curses falling from his lips as he does so.
You feel him twitching inside you, his release approaching ever faster, and you look up at him, not wanting to miss a second of the pleasure you’re about to grant him.
With his gaze locked onto yours and your hand still firmly wrapped around the base of his shaft, your mouth so willingly accepting his desperate thrusts, it doesn’t take long for him to reach climax, hips and thighs tensing before he jerks, shooting ropes of thick, warm cum into your mouth.
“Swallow”, he commands in a raspy voice before his body goes limp beneath you and he leans back, arms behind him supporting him so he could see how you struggled and failed to swallow his seed, some of it leaking out of your mouth and dripping down your chin.
Your abused throat is protesting as you finally manage to gulp it all down, your face flushing with self-consciousness as you realise that you might, in fact, not have been as ready to take him as you had initially thought.
But these thoughts vanish as Halsin pulls you into his lap and softly strokes your head. He plants a little kiss on your cheek before he murmurs into your ear, his voice still ragged.
“Good girl. You’ve taken me so well.”
You moan at the praise, your so-far neglected pussy twitching as his words send sparks down your spine.
Halsin chuckles and slowly slides a hand under your waistband and into your smallclothes, stroking your slick folds and eliciting moans and sighs from you as he massages your clit, all the while kissing you and murmuring praise for your efforts into your ear.
It doesn’t take long for you to unravel as well, cumming on his hand with a muffled scream, biting down onto the tunic Halsin was still wearing.
Exhausted, you collapse onto the blanket, planting your head on Halsin’s lap and closing your eyes, the now-risen sun warming your face as you smile happily.
Halsin adjusts his hips a bit and readjusts his britches, carefully surveying the park to see if anyone else has entered by now. Luckily, you two were still alone, the only sign of life being the faint sounds of the streets beyond the park slowly filling with people.
He glances back down at you and begins to gently stroke your hair that is spread out over his legs, the sweet smile on your mouth in complete contrast to the earth-shattering orgasm you gave him with that same mouth just moments ago.
“Thank you, my heart; that was amazing. Unexpected, but nevertheless positively breath-taking.” He watches as your smile broadens at his praise and his heart swells with adoration at the cute little dimples in your cheeks.
“I’m glad you liked it”, you try to say, but instead croak out more than anything. Halsin frowns, worry beginning to cloud his eyes.
“Sorry, I think I might have overestimated myself a bit there. Bitten off more than I could chew. Figuratively, of course”, you add with a shy grin.
He smiles, but then his gaze turns solemn again. “You should’ve told me right away. I hurt you”, he grimaces before he grazes his fingers over your throat, his touch featherlight and glowing with a faint blue light. The healing spell soothes your ache, and you sigh contentedly.
“All right, next time I will tell you, should you hurt me accidentally”, you mumble, sleep slowly creeping up at you in the comfortable warmth of your lover's lap.
Halsin hums in approval, satisfied with your answer.
“I shall look forward to next time, then.”
You slowly drift off, the smell of the flowers around you and the chirping birds lulling you into sleep as you both lay there for a while before you have to get back to your companions to begin the day’s work.
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Thanks for reading <3 I hope you enjoyed it!
#halsin#bg3#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#halsin silverbough#bg3 halsin#halsin bg3#halsin x tav#halsin x reader#halsin smut#halsin fluff#bg3 fanfiction#18+ only
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Eda Clawthorne and BPD
Eda is a character I never really associated with something like BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder) until I’d done more research on the disorder myself. Initially, I’d had a one size fits all idea in my mind for what a manifestation of BPD could look like.
But after finishing the Owl House in its entirety, and dispelling some of my ignorance around the topic I’ve come to the headcanon that Eda has BPD.
So to start, what I understand about BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder) is that it’s a personality disorder belonging to the cluster B section in the DSM-5.
It’s generally described that people living with it, might engage in risky/self harming behaviour, have an intense fear of abandonment, struggle with addiction, and have unstable/turbulent relationships with others. People with BPD also struggle with an intense feeling of internalised shame and numbness.
BPD usually manifests after some sort of prolonged mental abuse/physical abuse/sexual abuse/ psychological abuse or trauma, and that usually happens in childhood.
Well, what does any of that have to do with Eda? How does her character link in any way to what I've described? Let’s go through it;
(I’m not an expert, this is just a headcanon that I use to look at Eda)
Addiction/Substance Abuse
Eda is implied to be an alcoholic in the show. Apple blood, her infamous favourite drink, is often used as a stand-in or a direct reference to the topic of intoxication or turning to the bottle to cope with big feelings.
Proof of apple blood being an alcohol signal can be when Luz mentions in early S2, that Eda was hard to get off the roof after she drank too much apple blood, implying she became irrational and unreasonable after drinking too much.
Another example is when Eda was seen in a tavern in Eda’s Requiem, she canonically has a large and unpaid tab in that tavern, and was drinking apple blood (from a juice box) while lamenting about the current events of her life.
A scene like that is a heavy reference to the trope of getting drunk and venting to your local bartender that can be seen in a lot of movies and tv-shows.
Eda is also potentially implied to have Depression during the show and is typically grumpy/unapproachable before her first drink, early in the morning.
I’ve headcanons before that Eda uses Apple Blood to self medicate her mood after the implications in season 2 that she is drinking more heavily (the joke about the roof, her chasing free appleblood, drinking in the tavern when she’s sad), and after season1, and during all of season 2 her mental health had taken a clear nose dive after traumatic events and perceived abandonments.
I also mentioned that people with BPD struggle with a feeling of emptiness and numbness, and Eda’s low and irritable mood could be interpreted as coming from a place of feeling hollow. (That’s my headcanon).
Addiction is also considered a risky/self harming behaviour, which leads me to my next point.
Risky/Self Harming behaviours
Eda is an impulsive and risk taking person, that usually contributes to a pretty popular ADHD headcanon for her character, but I’d also like to argue that her risk taking behaviour could also be a sign of BPD, as it typically leads her to dangerous or life threatening situations, often on purpose.
A small example of this is when searching for titan blood, she pushes herself in front of a laser beam and urges King to shoot her with it to trigger her harpy powers. In that episode she was struggling to go harpy mode;
And the episode before that, Knock Knock Knockin’ on Hooty’s Door, she was shown depriving herself of sleep and worrying about not being ready for the day of unity. Eda had proved she was anxious to be ready and willing to hurt herself to be so, stemming from an internal feeling of frustration and worthlessness because she didn’t have what she needed to be ready.
In the cave, I think her action to jump in front of the laser, disguising her actions as a childish and silly request of bone-headedness was her hiding her self-destructive instincts and inner frustration in plain sight.
Her risky behaviours are driven by a deep self hatred and that leads me to her most risky action of all…
Fear of Abandonment
When Eda overhears the kids talking about telling her something, she spirals and assumes the worst. She spends that episode devaluing herself, trying to self-soothe with apple blood, and distancing herself from the kids in response to her assumption that they only have the worst news for her.
Luz is leaving and King wants to live with his dad.
She spends the day living out what appears to be a fantasy with Raine, where she is ‘Mama Eda’ to the younger BATTs members and she and Raine are playfully dancing around each other with some not so subtle flirting. It resembles a family life, where her and Raine are married, or atleast happily together, and the BATTs are like her very own kids that need her.
(it’s key to point out that Raine did most of the heavy flirting and was active, while Eda just bathed herself in the situation. Likely because while it was what she wanted, she’d also expressed earlier in the episode that she felt everyone left her in the end and all good things ended).
When this fanasy/substition falls through and the rebellion is busted, her and Raine play a murder-suicide duet attempt together, where Raine then learns that there’s more to the story than Eda is letting on, and that she isn’t just being motivated to do the heroic thing because she has nothing to lose.
Raine clearly realises Eda is trying to die because she has something to lose, and she assumes she is losing it. Dying to Eda is less painful and scary than being abandoned again.
I mentioned that childhood trauma/abuse can cause BPD to develop, and I’d argue that having a curse that caused the people she loved to leave her because she pushed them away, or because it seemed like her curse made her too monstrous to love, is pretty traumatising.
And that fear of abandonment predates even the curse, as it was revealed in the flashback episode where her and Raine met, that Eda had no friends, was ostracised by her teachers/principle and that she was terrified of being separate from Lilith; her only friend. Eda didn't know what an expulsion would mean for their relationship, if Lilith would still be her best friend, or if Lilith progressed onwards without her, would she abandon Eda?
Well, that worry was validated when it was revealed their sister relationship fell apart sometime between their late teens and mid-forties, when Lilith is introduced as Eda’s rival and Eda’s expression is stormy when she first sees Lilith on screen, it’s laos important to note that Lilith attacked first at the convention with her words, and Eda, having some very stormy feelings about her sister, responds to the greeting by cutting Lilith down in front of young fans in a way she knows will rile up her sister.
She basically attacks Lilith’s mask by mentioning that Lilith peed herself at a convention as a kid, and then proceeds to act childish in Lilith’s presence to wind her up and prove to Lilith that she is no better than Eda and that she’s not changed a bit since they were kids where it counts, according to Lilith.
We don’t know what caused Eda and Lilith to feud like this, but it can be assumed that LIlith joining a coven that allows only two days off a year made Eda feel like she was abandoned by her sister in some of the worst years of her life, by the person she once called her best friend.
The breakdown of such an important relationship would be upsetting to anyone, but to Eda, in the situation she was in, that would have to be further traumatising.
To add to the familial issues, Eda has issues with Gwen.
The entirety of keeping up a-fear-ances was about how gwen had failed both her daughters, but for this post, it’s that Gwen treated the curse, something so integral to Eda and her life at this point, something that Eda cannot change or separate herself from, like something her mom needed to cure her of.
To eradicate. So much so that she disregarded Eda’s bodily autonomy and safety at multiple points in just one episode and caused Eda to snap. She scared Eda into running away as a teenager, and she had to apologise to Eda in that episode for making her daughter feel like she didn’t love her. “I love every part of you.” - to paraphrase what Gwen said.
It’s not hard to imagine that feeling like your own mother would rather risk your health and happiness, disregard your wishes and try to remove an unremovable part of your person, would make you feel more unlovable and broken than you already feel.
I’m sure that this contributed to Eda’s fear of abandonment and would help cultivate the already existing internal shame she feels just for existing next to her loved ones and feeling like she’s not good enough to be in their lives because all she does is hurt them.
Yup, this is setting up my next point…
Shame/Low Sense of Self-Worth
Proof that Eda’s self-worth is low and her inner shame is high comes from how she treats her kids and her father. Eda struggles to look at people she feels she’s let down. While some individuals with BPD might do everything to avoid abandonment, Eda tends to abandon people first and devalues herself in the process, convincing herself she doesn’t deserve to fight for them or be in their company.
Her inner shame mostly stems from how she handles her curse, its impact on her life, and her past relationships. With Luz and King, she initially keeps up a protective wall and avoids physical affection. When she believes they are leaving her, she justifies her suicidal thoughts to Raine by denying her role as their "mother," revealing her deep-seated belief that she's unworthy of such a title.
Despite considering them her children, Eda questions her ability to be a suitable mother figure, expressing doubts about her worthiness. It takes reassurance from Raine for Eda to begin to accept that she is needed and, consequently, good enough.
Her relationship with Dell, though mentioned sparingly, has left lasting scars. Eda blames herself for hurting him and struggles to forgive herself, even when her father asks her to move on from the past.
In Knock Knock-Knocking on Hooty’s Door, Eda implies that she is haunted by nightmares of her breakup with Raine, blaming herself entirely for their breakup. This implied consistent rumination suggests that she feels responsible for every abandonment and rejection she has experienced, exacerbating her inner shame.
Raine was likely the last stable influence in Eda’s life, and her breakup further solidified Eda’s belief that she is the cause of her own abandonment. This cycle of self-blame and perceived rejection has left lasting mental scars, reinforcing Eda’s sense of brokenness and perpetuating her feelings of endless abandonment.
By examining Eda’s behaviour and internal struggles, it becomes evident that her shame and low sense of self-worth are deeply ingrained, shaping her relationships and interactions throughout the series.
Splitting
I can’t really talk about a BPD headcanon without mentioning its most famous feature. Splitting, from what I understand, is when a person's mood, sense of self, or perception of others shifts dramatically in the other direction in response to a threat, stressor, or trigger.
It might not just look like, “I like this person.” “Now I hate this person.” It can manifest as more dynamic, extreme black-and-white thinking, where something is either all or nothing:
“She always does this.”
“He never does that.”
“Things always go wrong.”
“This always goes right.”
The black-and-white thinking can be either positive or negative and can even be about a person's own self. And this is where my headcanon goes a bit shaky, because all I really have to go off of is Eda’s initial attitude of “We weirdos stick together,” and then how she switches those ideals up when she’s devaluing herself and her importance within the relationships she has with friends and family.
This is particularly evident with the kids and her extreme and impulsive suicide attempt, where I get this feeling of “I’m not good enough, and I will never be good enough.” off of her.
She also changes her mood with Lilith very quickly during the season 1 finale. A few minutes ago, she was ready to kill her sister and saw her as the most vile person she’d ever met. The next minute, she is letting her sister back into her house and wanting a relationship with her again after she split the curse.
There is this kind of emotional impermanence where she forgives Lilith and goes straight back to wanting to be friends with her at a speed and level that isn’t common at all. No matter what is done to Eda, she seems to bounce back quickly, no matter how badly she’s hurt in the end.
That's all I've really got for that, to be honest. If I find more that explores this idea better, I will probably make a post about it.
Conclusion
I think that turbulent relationships, a massive fear of abandonment, risky and impulsive behaviours and high shame/low self esteem are key parts of Eda’s character and that’s why I headcanon her to have BPD(borderline personality disorder.)
#the owl house#toh#eda clawthorne#toh eda#edalyn clawthorne#raine whispers#toh raine#luz noceda#lilith clawthorne#toh luz#king clawthorne#gwendolyn clawthorne#toh gwen#dell clawthorne#bpd headcanon#I said I'd write it and i got around to it about 10 months later#toh headcanon
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“Do you feel weird?” Jen says, the car window rolled down at the wind whipping her new hair back from her forehead to reveal the smear of dye along her hairline.
“No, it’s just another normal summer,” I reply. The road to Wexford stretches out ahead of us and the sky looks big, vast, flat, like porcelain.
“Without your family.”
“Yeah, it’s a relief. Can you imagine Chris and Colette in close quarters like that? Howling at each other all summer? I think I’d drown myself in the sea.”
“Well, I think you’re a fool to let the Shane and Joe stay.”
I pull a face, “Why?”
“Because they’ll ruin the place. They won’t clean up after themselves.”
“Neither will I,” I grin at her as she scrunches her face up in disgust, and I mess up her hair, subtly checking my hand in case any of it came off on me, “You chose this, Jenny, a summer with the boys. It's days of playing PlayStation and leaving our dirty dishes in the sink.”
“Wouldn’t you have rather we'd gone to Italy or something?”
“What? No. I love the beach house. It’s going to be fun.”
She eyes me sceptically, and I know that she can tell that I’m putting on this positive attitude to disguise the weird, empty feelings left since the breakup. That version of me, the sad, longing, regretful one, though, is not for Jen, it's for me alone, in the lonely hours when night spills into morning, and my thumb hesitates on Michelle’s number.
I’m always on the brink of calling her and taking it all back, because I miss her, and being with her again is a guaranteed way to make this rotten heartbreak disappear, or even just to postpone it until the last moment, until I really have to leave.
It’s never felt like this before. I never walked away from a relationship with this cocktail of tumultuous emotion swirling around in me, like anger, sadness, grief, longing, yearning for her and the way it felt to touch her, while at the same time practically shuddering with relief that it’s over. When I think about the bad things, the shouting and ranting and the throwing and the silent treatment, it’s easier for me. Easier than remembering the good things, like right now as I grip the steering wheel and visualise that series of moles on her hip that looks like a constellation of stars. I relive the moment I kissed them one by one, the way that she laughed as squirmed as my lips tickled her skin and I threw my arms around her to hold her captive.
I refocus. Jen is saying something.
“Kelly?” I repeat, plucking one of her words out of the air, “um, sorry, what did you say again?”
“Yeah, about Kelly and her friends,” she says, “I said Shane is driving them down tomorrow.”
“Oh, surely they’re not staying with us too, are they?” there’s only so many rooms at the beach house…
She snorts, “No, they’ll be in the Healy’s mobile. Their parents are letting them use it.”
I pause, “I didn’t know Kelly had friends.”
Jen slaps my leg and I flinch away, cackling.
“You have to promise me that you’ll be nice this summer,” she warns, still holding up her hand like she’s ready to smack me again, “you have to promise that your days of bullying Kelly are in the past.”
I gasp in mock outrage, “she bullies me!”
“She clearly has issues. You have to stop provoking her. And Liam too!”
“I do not provoke Liam.”
“No, but you’re… generally not nice to him.”
“Not true.”
“You are! You and the boys, you become this nasty little mob when you’re all together, and you’re not as funny as you think you are.”
“I’ll be perfectly nice to everyone this summer,” I insist. “I won’t put a foot out of line.”
“I don’t believe you,” she says, but I can tell she’s done talking about it.
She slumps back in her chair and turns the radio on. Again, it’s Jason Derulo.
“You know this song is growing on me?” She says, and I just groan.
We let it play.
youtube
Beginning // Prev // Next
#lucky boy 2010#JASON DERRUUUULO#non ironically listening to this and everything else on the billboard top 100 2010 to get into the mood#I feel 16 again#Youtube
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[cws] gn reader. kissing.
“My hair looked like shit in that interview.”
You look up from where you’re currently in the middle of braiding Cathleen’s hair and to the television, and your brows crinkle as you watch the interview of her that’s currently playing.
She’s standing tall and proud, signature smile adorning her face, and her suit is practically in tatters. There’s black smudges on her face along with a blossoming bruise on her chin, and there’s a few strands of hair sticking up at odd angles.
“Isn’t that the day that you got thrown through, like, four buildings?”
“Five—six if you wanna count the double decker equipped with a minibar.” She heaves a sigh, fingers drumming against your knees that she’s currently sitting between.
“Well, I think it’s safe to say that no one noticed the bad hair day on account of you saving a few dozen lives.” Your attention turns back to her hair, tongue trapping itself between your teeth as you keep the strands taut between your fingers. Over, under, over, under, under—wait, you messed up. “Ugh.”
“Break?” Cathleen questions, head tilting back so she’s looking up at you, and you nod as you stretch out your fingers.
“Yeah, just for a minute. Your hair is hell to grip.” Her hand reaches for yours, bigger one easily engulfing it, and she begins to massage your fingers and palm, head tilting so she can kiss the inside of your wrist.
“Y’know, this is a lotta effort for something that has to come right out the same night. I have a press conference early in the morning, and you know I can’t wear my hair like this.” She moves to your other hand and gives it the same treatment, her eyes still trained on yours as she does.
“I know, but I wanted to try it after that video I watched earlier!” She smiles against your skin, an amused huff of air leaving her. It had been many times that you’ve used her as your practice doll after something had caught your attention on one of the many apps you scrolled. “Although I don’t think I quite got it right…”
You look over the one braid you had managed to finish, a sheepish expression settling on your face as you take it in. Cathleen snorts out a laugh as she raises a hand to touch her hair, and a thick eyebrow quirks up as she tugs on a strand that’s definitely not supposed to be able to be tugged.
“Yeah, I don’t think you got it right either, sunshine.” You deflate at the confirmation, and she’s quick to pull you forward and maneuver your body so you’re down on the floor with her straddling her lap. “Aw, my baby is pouting!” She smacks a kiss onto your mouth, loud and exaggerated, and you blink at her, only to deepen your pout the next second. She lets out a dramatic gasp and you can’t help the snort of amusement that leaves you. “Oh, you’re not pouting anymore. No kisses for you then.”
“Yes, I am! I am pouting! I swear I am—look!” You frown your brows and pull your mouth down, and Cathleen raises a brow as she looks at you. “See? I’m so sad, Cathy.”
“Sad?”
“Mhm.” You nod.
“I know a few good therapists if you wanna—” Huffing out a breath you place your hands on her shoulders, the skin warm and tanned underneath your palms, and push your lips against hers. She smiles into the kiss, brown eyes twinkling as one hand raises to cup the back of your head as she deepens the kiss.
Her tongue pushes against the seam of your lips and you open without complaint, eyes fluttering shut as you breathe out through your nose. Blunt nails gently scratch against your scalp, and you melt into her lap, a continuous shiver racing up and down your spine as she smooths her tongue against your own before running it along the backs of your teeth.
You feel warm all over and your eyes sting even though they’re closed. You ache to get closer but you’re already as close as you can get, but you try anyways, arms curling around her neck as you shuffle forward so your fronts are flush against each other — it’s still not enough, not really, so you push your tongue against her own and curl your fingers into the failed attempt of a braid and yearn to be one.
A few moments later she’s pulling away, a noise of complaint sounding from you, rosy lips just a bit rosier, and swiping a thumb over your lips to get her the excess saliva. “How about now?” Her voice is breathy and it makes your stomach clench. “Is my baby still sad?”
“No,” you rasp. “No - never with you.” Your lips move faster than your brain can keep up with, and when your words finally register, you feel a burning sensation start at your ears and work its way down to your cheeks.
Cathleen grins, hand kneading at the back of your neck.
“Yeah, me too.”
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Do you have any adventures of bean to share before you sign off for a bit? good luck with the move!
I wish I had more specific ones, but life is all blurring together at this point so I must settle for Tidbits: Moving Edition
She loves to pack stuff. I have no idea where it's coming from, but holy cow this kid. She's going to be the only reason we're completely packed and ready to go on time. Every morning, she hops in my bed and goes "Can we pack another box?" And any time we're not actively doing something, "Should we pack more boxes?" Her dad whispered to me earlier, understandably dumbfounded, "What is with the packing thing? Why is she so into this?" And she somehow heard it from the next room and merrily hopped in holding the roll of packing tape and said "I dunno, I just really like packing things." So... yeah. She's keeping us on task.
She has Plans for the drive.
-First, we need to eat at Subway (she was very excited to learn she can, in fact, have Subway in moderation).
-Second, we need to stay at one of the number hotels-- those being National 9, Super 8, and Motel 6. (She is bummed there's no 7 hotel.)
-Third, if we successfully get a number hotel for one night, we also need to do a Red Roof Inn some other night.
-Fourth, she wants to go inside a gas station and look at the maps. (She means the visitors guides and brochures that truck stops have when they're near-ish to state lines and/or tourist destinations.)
-Finally, she wants to borrow my phone to take pictures. Unbeknownst to her, we are getting an old digital camera tuned up and outfitted with a child-proof case so she can have her own camera, because when she starts taking pictures it's an hours-long affair, and I kinda need my phone for GPS purposes. We're presenting her with said camera next weekend when we get the trailer, so hopefully she'll stay occupied while we do the part of packing she can't actually help with.
But yeah, she knows how to set realistic, attainable goals, and I honestly think we can make these things happen for her.
She's been obsessively watching that Bluey special every day, and it Concerns me. See, she's generally quite media literate, and knows how to separate fiction from reality, and we had our big group cry about leaving our friends the first time we watched it. But. I am deeply worried that she's under the impression that we'll get all packed and ready to go and then do what Bluey's family did and decide to stay. I desperately hope not, but hoo boy, if that is the case, that's gonna be one heck of a 4-day drive. We've tried bringing it up and talking about it, but we still can't tell what's going on in that little noggin.
She is really, really sad about leaving her friends. I know that's not fun to hear, but honestly, I'm really impressed and proud of the way she's been handling it. She's come up with some great coping mechanisms all on her own: asking if we can get everyone's parents' Facebooks so we can do video calls, asking if we can do a party before she leaves so she can play with her school friends again (both yes, of course), and the one that truly floored me-- she asked if we can find "a new therapy place" when we get to where we're going. My four year old asked if she can go back to therapy, y'all. She's been 'graduated' since before Christmas, but she remembered that it helped when she was feeling anxious all the time and wants to do that again after we move. I just... Holy moly! I am so, SO proud of her for how she's so in tune with herself and her needs.
Her requests for our next housing situation have been few, but very specific. It has to let her get a pet, either a rabbit (maybe two so they can be friends), or a ball python, or both. It needs stairs so she can bumslide down them. It needs a pantry with a shelf she can reach for her snacks. And she'd really prefer if it had hard floors so we can get a fuzzy rug. We don't have it on lock yet (fingers crossed!), but the place that looks most likely meets all of these criteria.
That's all I've got for right now, because I need to go pre-plan what tomorrow morning's packing adventure is going to be so I don't have to think about it two minutes after opening my eyes.
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So There Is Nothing To Explain
a continue to this
TW: being pushed away by a loved one, no communication, thinking one is a bother, just overall sad
again big thank you for @burbur-49
dewdrop came back the next night, after he ran out of cigarettes and his phone died.
he asked around, rain haven't looked for him, and why would he? why would he care? he hasn't cared for weeks, why would he suddenly care again?
and dewdrop felt like he can't breathe, like his chest was squeezed, like he was drowning.
and with as much as he loves rain, he doesn't know is his love can still outweigh the hurt.
he finds himself at the door of rain's room again, his hand on the knob, never twisting it, he's scared that it wasn't locked.
"i love you," he said, any other words die on his tounge.
"i love you too." he heard rain whisper back.
none of them moved, dew just letting himself live in that little bobble where everything is okay for just one second more, until he felt like he was going to cry again.
they fall into a pattern.
dewdrop trying to talk to rain through the day, telling him good morning through the door, sending him messages while knowing rain will never respond again.
going to rain's door again at night, exchanging "i love you"s, dew just trying to believe that it'll all be okay.
nothing is okay, especially not when rain opens the door while dew is out there, trying to pretend that it's all what it's not.
"oh." rain said, looking at dew confused, "oh," dew repeated, his chest felt funny.
"wha.. what are you doing here?" rain cleared his throat, bringing his hand up to rub at the back of his neck.
"i was just looking for you."
"oh." the water ghoul said again, dew missed his face so much, it made him feel dizzy.
and rain's smile, what used to make him breathless, what used to make him smile, crashed his heart to little bits when the water ghoul turned back to his room, the door closing slowly.
dewdrop didn't try to stop it.
he didn't stay long enough to hear rain locking the door.
#jester rumbling#i wanted to write more today but i can't this makes me cry i'm sorry#ghost#the band ghost#nameless ghouls#dewdrop#dewdrop ghoul#rain#rain ghoul#angst
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Down the Rabbit Hole Chapter 10
Chapter one here, two here, three here, four here , five here, six here, seven here, eight here,nine here
master list
Pairing: Walton Goggins x You
Rating/Warning: As always minor get out. Like why are you even here leave. Hurt/comfort, morning sex, fingering, unprotected sex, fluff, and more fluff. Older man younger woman, P in V, possesivness, slight sub/dom if you squint. Tiny pinch of angst and drama.
Synopsis: Working in film as a make-up artist is hard enough, but then Walton Goggins requests you, well it's way too easy to fall down the rabbit hole.
Note: they are both single, all for fun.Thank you for your patience her is the latest chapter so much love to everyone reading.
His head is on your chest, your fingers running through the jet black hair, his arms around you. Your mind wanders as you trace symbols on his skin. The pang of sadness knowing that he will be gone again, knowing that even if the next three weeks go well, he will be going back to LA. The thought scratches at your mind, a pang of anxiety making you want to throw things. Life was a cruel and uncaring mistress.
You feel Walton shift, you relax your body so he can lie beside you. His hazel eyes catch yours, you shift so you're both facing each other. Blankets half tossed over, pillows crumpled and folded into something comfortable.
“I can hear your brain running,” Walton says his hand going to run down your ribs onto your side.
“It’s nothing,” You lie, the last thing you wanted was to spoil the night.
His hand comes up and tucks hair behind your ears, “You are many things, but a good liar is not one of them.”
You sigh and roll to look up at the glowing stars above you. “I don’t know how to feel about the end of filming.”
“Hmm?” He asks, hand resting over your side, warm and comforting.
“I know you’ll have to go back to LA, and I am going to be here.” You gesture at the tiny space, if things went well maybe you could find a nicer spot, but it still would mean you were alone.
Walton sits up so he can look at you, the man appreciates eye contact, as you try not to look at him.
“Who says I am going to be leaving you?’ He queries, hand rubbing up and down your sides.
You turn to him rubbing at your lip, “You live there, I live here. That’s your whole life.”
He wiggles closer to you, “And so you decided that I would just leave you here without asking me?”
“I-” You stop for a second, you had been so lost in your head the last few days that you had failed to ask him what he wanted. The brief conversation in the kitchen about the two of you being in a relationship tricked through your brain. “I guess. I’ve jumped to conclusions.”
Walton nods, large hands sitting possesively on your hip. “Yes, you have. I know you probably thought the worst the last few days. But I am here now, and I don’t plan on leaving you here when filming finishes.”
You take a breath, the mixed feeling making you feel dizzy, “So you’re going to whisk me away?” The words leave your mouth and you immediately wish you could take them back.
Walton’s hand grips into the flesh of your hips, possessively moving you closer to him. Eyes locked on yours, “You don’t need whisking away. You’re a grown woman, who is stubborn and has fought hard to be where you are. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have someone who cares for you.”
Your heart aches at his words, all of them ringing true. You had fought hard, you had done everything in your power over the last decade to try and secure a spot in this world, to try and make it in the industry. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t lonely. It was very lonely, and friendships were closer to acquaintances. Him being in your apartment, wanting to be here with you, caring about you as much as you did about him. It felt. It felt amazing, the walls you had so carefully crafted around you didn’t need to be there with him. You could be you, and he seemed to feel the same way.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If you want to do long distance, we will do that, you want your own place in LA, done. But I want you. When I said I didn’t take relationships lightly I meant that. This isn’t a fling to me.” Walton said his voice soft but firm.
You nod your head, “I don’t know what I want. When I didn’t hear from you it hurt. I’ve never hurt like that over anyone. It was awful, and as soon as I saw you today. I just didn’t want to let go. My brain is a mess, and maybe it’s the lack of sleep or the fact it’s midnight.” You feel flustered, the man made your brain feel like mush. He leans over and kisses you, lips gently pressing against yours.
“I find midnight to be often when the best conversations are had.” He whispers, hand massaging at your hips. “I never stopped thinking about you, all the questions, interviews, photos, I just couldn’t wait to be back here.”
You hum softly, “I will go wherever you want to go,” You speak it out like a small promise, “I don’t know how, can that even be worked? I’ve never tried to work anywhere but here. Could I even get a place in LA?”
He chuckles kissing you quietly, “If you’ll let me, I will figure it out for you. I’ve got a little experience in that department. You should come down with me next weekend. It’s a long weekend here and it would be good for you to see the city. See if you like there.”
“Oh, Umm,” You feel slightly flustered by how eager he was to take you to LA, “Are you sure?
Walton nods, his hand coming up to run over your cheek, “If you want to, I want you to want to.”
You lean forward kissing him softly, he pulls you close and you snuggle into his side. He is warm, your fingers playing along his collarbone. “As long as I am with you.” You giggle slightly, “Maybe I am needy,”
Walton lets out a snort, “You are just figuring that out now?”
Giggling some more, “It’s all your fault. I was a perfectly capable woman before you. Now I am clingy and needy.”
He lets out a laugh at that, turning to tickle along your sides. You squeal, trying to move away and tickle him back. He grabs your hands pining them above your head as he continues the assault, finishing by blowing a raspberry on your stomach.
“Stop-” You wiggle trying to get yourself free but he is much stronger than you. Huffing as he finally relents coming in to kiss you again. Feeling yourself shiver as he keeps kissing you, how he held you completely still with one hand. That was something new, and you definitely wanted to try more of it.
He leans back from kissing you, and your face must be red, breath speeded up as you licked at your swollen lips. “You like that,” His hand squeezed around your wrists, and you swallowed and nodded your head at the question.
He grins, kissing you again before letting go of your wrists, “We will explore that later, for now, this old man needs rest.”
You chuckle and cuddle close, he throws the blankets around you, a hand coming to hold you against him. The warmth and comfort of having him beside you has you drifting off to sleep.
***
Your alarm is ringing, you try to find it but something is in the way. You try to move but you’re wrapped tight. Groaning you open your eyes, hands around your chest makes your heart rate spike. Trying to remember how you got here.
“It’s just me,” Walton mumbles against your neck, and you sag at his sleepy voice. Reality slowly slips in as your brain starts to wake up. You were safe, the memories of last night coming in in pieces.
“Can you get the alarm,” You murmur, voice raspy and dry. Noting a good glass of water couldn't fix.
One hand leaves you and the sound of the alarm ceases. You relax against him, letting out a sigh. You're so warm and slightly uncomfortable. Your left arm was pined and you have lost feeling in your fingers. Trying to wiggle to get some room, feeling his body press against yours. He moves back and you roll over to face him, his eyes are still closed. Looking relaxed as he lays beside you. One eye opens to look at you.
“Good morning,” He mumbles, the arm that’s still under you dragging you beside him.
You snuggle in, the smell of coffee wafting from the kitchen. You are very thankful you remembered to pre-set the machine last night. “Good morning, to you too. I hate to ruin the afterglow but I got to get up.”
He grumbles and pulls you tighter against him. “Nah-uh” His lips kiss any skin they find. You wiggle against his side as he kisses down you neck.
“Wwaallttoonn,” You squeak, “We got to go.” But he is holding onto you, you know if you really put up a fuss he’d let go, but if you’re honest you’d rather be here than at work.
He blows a raspberry against your neck and you are struggling harder now to try and get away. Laughter pulling out of you from the tickling sensation. His hands tickle under your armpit and you try to get him to stop, screeching and grabbing at his hands to know avail. He grins as he stops, that smile always made you melt a little.
“I need breakfast,” He grumbles, hand cupping your ass. You squeak as his hand lifts your thigh over his hip. How the hell he could move you so easily was something else.
You gasp as his fingers leisurely went up and down your folds. “Oh, you ass,” You squeak as he continues what should be classified as torture. Parting you he rubs against your clit, making it ache, still tender from the previous evening’s fun. You grind down onto his hand, his cock hardening against your thigh. His fingers slipping up and down as you feel yourself get wet. He was way to good at that. Your head rolling slightly at the sensation, just putty in his hands.
“Always so wet,” He moans into your ear as his fingers work in and out of you.
Whining you rocking against him, your mind melting as he stretches you. His fingers leave and you don’t even have a chance to complain before he slides in.
“Fuck that feels good,” You whine moving your body closer as you fall into a rhythm. Your fingers dig into his back as you rut against him. He easily has you on your back, pushing your legs up as his hips move faster.His fingers spreading you open as he works at your clit, that now familiar pull coming from your center. He knows exactly how to wind you up, the hitch of your breath as you squeeze around him. Making his fingers falter as his cock gets squeezed, but he doesn’t ease up, mouth hushing you. Walton isn’t far behind, he slides out to release on your stomach, fingers replacing where he had been. He works his fingers with the same rhythm he works his cock, as he helps you over the edge. Until he’s bitting into his lips hot ropes splashing onto your stomach.
You groan laying there a sweaty damn mess, as he flops beside you, chest raising up and down as you both come down. He grins and kisses you softly. Your phone’s alarm goes off again. Walton groans and slaps at it until it turns off.
“That’s one way to wake up,” You laugh, your hands running over his chest.
“Mmhmm,” He mumbles, eyes partially closed as he kisses your cheek. You both take a moment to just enjoy the post-orgasm bliss before getting up.
***
The door bursts open and Trevor’s face is beet red. You had been cleaning up, looking forward to the end of the day. Shooting had gone way over after one of the other actors had had a minor breakdown. Now Trevor was here shoving his phone in your face.
“What-what” You glare at him, taking the phone and looking at the screen. The blood drains out of your face as you see several photos of you and Walton. One even is of the two of you kissing outside his apartment. “Oh my god,”
“They just published these an hour ago,” Trevor said his hands taping against the counter.
“Where- how- That’s my damn apartment.” You squeak, scrolling through what was an internet gossip rag. “This is all bullshit, I am not his personal assistant. Where are they get this info from.”
Trevor is pacing back and forth. “I don’t know, but clearly someone has been following you both.”
You hit the bottom of the website and wonder what world you’d woken up into. The trailer door opens again, and Liz is there now. Your heart falls, she looks beyond upset. Her own phone clenched in her hand.
“Don’t even start Liz,” Trevor has put himself between the two of you. As much as you appreciate the gesture you were perfectly fine handling the woman.
“You got some nerve,” Liz growled, “I had already warned you to steer clear of him.”
You look between the two co-workers not entirely sure what to say. Why would she need to steer clear of Walton? This smelt like more than just professionalism the woman looked jealous. Why the hell was she jealous, the door banged again and you watched Walton come in. Fake blood still covering his clothes.
“She’s got some nerve?” Walton is standing in the doorway, as always you were the last to know. How was everyone so on top of this?
Liz’s face goes bright red seeing the actor standing there. “She is in my department, I will handle the situation to my best judgment.”
“Actually, no you will not,” Walton said his voice low and commanding. “You’ve been nothing but snippy with her, the relationship we have is no one's business. Pictures posted on the internet or not.”
“It’s unprofessional,” The woman mocks, and you can see the man stiffen with the words. You were honestly surprised at the whole situation. You had never pegged Liz as someone who would have been interested in Walton. Then again everyone was interested in him.
“There is nothing unprofessional about having relationships with co-workers.” Walton replies, “We are two grown adults. Professionalism be damn. If it was anyone else you would not have cared Elizabeth.”
You watch as Liz’s eyes dart anywhere but at Walton. The confirmation that there definitely had been a thing there, a thing that wasn't reciprocated. The way he used her full name made it all the more real, this was why she had been such a bitch to you from the beginning. Trevor had caught your eye, his eyebrows raised.
“I am not sure what you’re implying Mr. Goggins. But I am surely not the only one tired of you both being a distraction.” Liz hissed, you wanted to hide under the counter if only to stop yourself from jumping on her. Accusing them of causing a distraction, when she was the one storming into trailers.
Walton let out a short laugh, “You and I both know what I am talking about. Your jealousy is noted and not appreciated. I figured you were pasted that, but clearly not.”
The whole room is thick with tension, as the two of them stare each other down. You want to leave or say something but your mouth is dry. The thought that Liz’s anger was directed at you because of your relationship with Walton was childish. It was something that would have happened in high school. Here she was spouting off about being professional when she had treated you like dirt. Even tried to turn others on you, and threaten your relationship with other departments.
“We have less than four weeks left,” You finally say, “Then you will never see me again,”
Liz looked you up and down a sneer still on her face, “Oh don’t worry sweety, you will never-”
“Do not threaten her,” Walton stated, the way his voice was more of a growl made you tingle. “They are empty threats and you know it. Everyone knows about your attitude, and the fact you are only still around cause you’re in bed with every PM in town.”
Liz’s mouth snapped closed, “That was uncalled for,” For a moment she looked a bit hurt. “Best of luck to both of you. See your boyfriend has your back at least,”
The woman gloured at you, her face twisted as if she had walked in dog shit.
You let out a sigh, you were so over this, “Boyfriend or not your actions speak volumes. I’ve kept my personal life private, and all you’ve done is feed the rumor mill. No one else has said a word or confronted me about it. Production, clearly, doesn’t care or they would have said something. So that’s that, I wish you well Liz.”
You get up and walk out, even if it means never walking back into the trailer. Liz could have it, all the bullshit, all the rumors, it all didn’t matter. Your peace was more important, your happiness was more important. Warm fingers are lacing with yours, you turn to see Walton beside you. You stop between the different trailers and just look at him. His usually bright hazel eyes were hidden behind sunglasses, a small grin across his lips. You lean and kiss him, something quick but gentle.
“Hey,” He whispers, forehead leaning against yours.
“Thank you for standing up for me,” You whisper back.
He shrugs a bit, the sun is coming through the clouds dancing across both of you. “She should have let it go a long time ago.”
“I had no idea,” You sigh straightening up. “Then again who wouldn’t want a piece of you.”
Walton lets out a hearty laugh, “Not sure I would agree. I have my eyes only on you.”
You smile leaning in to kiss him again, you honestly couldn’t care who saw now. “How often do you think my face will end up on the internet.”
“Depends on how many times they catch us,” He grins against your lips.
**So I have two options. Option one we leave it here I feel like this isn't a horrible way to end things*
**Option two I continue to dive more into their stable relationship, get into some kinky stuff maybe, and probably get some angst in there. I have a vaguely written outline but there is definitely room to continue this.**
Please let me know :)
#walton goggins#fanfic#fanfiction#writing#creative writing#x reader#walton goggins x you#walton goggins x reader#reading#angst#fluff#domestic fluff
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i had a dream i had a beautiful loving friendship with gus fring to match the one where i was besties with mike. im so broken take me BACK!!!!!
#i could FIX him#alsooooo jesse was there i think he like. helped save gus at some point idk#i was like god damn best episode EVARRRR. heartbroken#i dont rlly remember the details i kinda slept like shit so im a bit scrambled#but ik we were fucking around w like.. game code? to make a pet shop?#so fucking random#we made a starfish and fucked up dog. there was a pool. a guy tried to kill gus. OH#he got shot and i had to stop him from bleeding out until the ambulance arrived#also he called. and cus they were super busy he was like ‘i can provide information aboyt felonies. also i have been shot in the chest’ LOL#wtf mike got shot in my dream abt him too. why thats so random#there was also a separate dream abt ummm. idk some sort of puzzle thing we had to do as a team…? saul was there. he set a fire as a scheme#but the fire ppl wouldnt come until he said there were ppl inside 😭#idk if i ever talked abt the mike dream here actually.#we were just friends…. besties… and he got SNIPED…….. and i tried to save him but he died#it was so sad the next day i was sad like all morning#feels similar now. miss u gus#^^^ EFFECTS OF ZERO FRIENDS#ummm anyway. more updates#i bought a meta quest like on impulse cus i saw they were cheaper now. the thing fucking sucks but vr is so awesome#ive been mostly playing beat saber cus my room is teeny tiny so i cant rlly safely turn#i started making my own map w a patricia taxxon song. SUPER fun i can see this becoming a new hobby#ive also been fucking around in vrchat a little. that shit is mindblowing#so immersive. its like unbelievable#ive only been playing that solo rn bc im shy and also testinb how well my laptop csn hsndle it LOL….#but its so awesome. i feel like a little kid#i had to get a better headstrap and face pad bc the stock pne is So bad. like i camt wear it for more thsn like 20 mins at a time#so maybe when that comes i will muster up the courage to go into public worlds#best world i have visted so far. udons bird sanctuary. i think irs called#U CAN FEED DUCKSSSSS. WAAAAGHHHH#one day i want to make my own avatar too. im feeling the inspiration
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five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
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i won’t hold people to the same standards i have on myself in terms of friendship bc everyone shows they care in different ways
#this is a part affirmation and part intro to a rant i need to unleash#but i’ll leave it in the tags here bc it feels safer lol#it’s abt my housemate the other day when we had our last class which is online but our previous classes were in person so as a class we#usually just pull it up on the main computer and broadcast the zoom in the classroom#but on this day the class before this zoom class got out early so lots of people went home early to just watch it on their own zoom or wtvr#so the row i sit in was pretty empty except for me my housemate and our two friends#and usually my housemate sits on my right but she got up and moved to sit on the other side next to our other friend and said nothing#and i didn’t want to say anything bc i was kinda sad/offended even though#her moving seats probably has nothing to do with me and much rather her personal preference i can’t help but think negatively abt myself#also one morning we were both off she went to the smoothie shop and coffee shop and just went to pick up her orders and i felt the same#reaction of like sad/offended bc she didn’t consider me at al like what if i wanted a smoothie too! TF#or coffee even though i don’t drink coffee anymore wtvr#my thoughts on her and my friendship are kinda rocky bc we feel so out of sync#i feel like she’s always in her own world and it’s hard to get through to her and become real friends#it’s whatever not all friendships can be deep and meaningful
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3, 20, 25?
3- Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?
it's Queen, and okay yes everyone knows queen, but i feel like this year i actually listened and particularly appreciated them more. i have the LP of a night at the opera and every single song on that album is imprinted in my soul it's sooooo good. i got another queen record recently so >:)))) i plan to one day get them all, or at least all the ones i like (which is probably gonna be all of them anyways lol)
20- what's something you learned this year?
someone told me this a few years ago, but this year especially is when it really sunk in for me: if you think you're really good at something (like in a hubris-y way specifically), you're not as good as you think you are, and if you think you're really bad at something, you're not as bad as you think you are.
i also learned from antigone funn and bijou from wooden overcoats that "you're out there, being you, in front of other people!" "that matters to you?" that matters. your heroes may seem perfect and graceful and put together, but they're people just like you and just like you, they get nervous and have their own insecurities. you are your own worse critic, and that also applies to the "best of the best" too. and here's the thing, no matter how good or bad ANYONE thinks they are at their craft, it matters to somebody out there. maybe it's just you, and maybe it's someone in a crowd you'll never meet, or maybe it's someone long long after you're dead. but what we do matters.
25- did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? describe one.
sadly i did not :/ i can tell you a bit about my oc renata though (in the tags)
#behold an ask!#IM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME LIKE A WEEK TO ANSWER THIS#prapuna#okay so my oc renata basically spawned bc one day i was like what if immense romantic tragedy#so the general gist of their story is: once upon a time there was this mercenary (who had a lot of magical power) and they were hired to#infiltrate a kingdom and so they got hired as a guard to the princess#but whoops after a WHILE of being near the princess the two of them fell in love and it's really cute but sad#because the princess is being married off to this guy#and so the night before the wedding renata (mercenary) and zarita (the princess) are trying to figure out what to do#and they fight and they don't really come to a solution#zarita talks to the guy she's being married to and they do try to work something out#but the next morning he's found dead- murdered#renata got desperate and killed him#so now. whoops but it gets WORSE bc this guy was like a Chosen One by the gods#he was destined to do Something that changed the course of humanity but renata somehow for in the way of fate?? and fucking killed him#and the gods are PISSED#since his death is technically renata and zarita's fault the gods punish them to eternal rebirth#and renata is cursed to remember everything perfectly#EVERYTHING from that point forward EXCEPT her original life#that is normal memory which means over time it fades and changes and all the shit that happens to memories when time passes#and as they go through the years renata's power (which was already considerable) grows and grows#and eventually they really fucking lose their mind solipsism-style#and they become corrupted and do murder and shit and zarita may not remmeber but they always love renata#inexplicably. even though sometimes renata is a horrible fucking person they still see the good in them and the positive qualities#that made them fall in love in the first place#oh yeah and as soon as zarita Remembers renata and their whole history they're doomed to a tragic death#yeah. can you tell i was deep in quarantine when i came up with them. anyways#they (renata) weren't inspired by scarlet witch but their magic IS red and i always liked the concept of scarlet witch from the comics#losing her mind and her grasp on reality#but i only realized the similarities after i made them lolol
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.
#my parents just got home from my grandparents so obviously we’re not driving to visit my brother tonight because it’s almost 10pm and he#lives like 6-8 hours away but I asked if we’re going tomorrow or not at all and her answer was ‘we’re not going’#then she was like ‘are you sad?’ and I’m like no#because I’m not sad I’m annoyed#annoyed that I canceled my plans for this weekend trip that they came up with just a couple days ago just for me to have to cancel my#piercing plan (which they don’t know about to be fair) but also canceled on my best friend because I thought I wouldn’t be here and then I#told her no I wouldn’t come over tonight either bc I thought maybe we might leave early in the morning tomorrow#but we’re not doing that either and I could have gone to target like I wanted to also but I didn’t want to leave and go anywhere bc I didn’t#know how long my parents were going to be or what the general plan was until it was too late and dark for me to want to go anywhere#anyway I’m just annoyed like what was even the fucking point? I hurried home from work threw all my stuff together fully packed and got my#pillow and my blanket my chargers and everything#I even unplugged all the electronics in my room bc I don’t leave stuff plugged in when I know I’m gonna be away for a few days#just for us to not go at all#if either of my parents had packed before today then we would’ve already been on the road by the time my aunt called#would we have just turned around then or what?#also ugh it’s like my parents knew I had plans they wouldn’t approve of bc it was almost right after I made the plans for the piercing with#my friend from work that they threw these plans at me and then once I’d told him I couldn’t do today but maybe next weekend they suddenly#wanted to switch our trip to next weekend but decided to keep it this weekend when I was like uh no#and now that my plans are to go next Friday to get pierced like neither of my parents really shared any plans or even packed anything until#today almost like they just didn’t really plan to go which I know sounds dumb and paranoid to say but we didn’t even have a hotel#reservation like we normally would like these plans just seemed very tentative this weekend and it’s just so annoying to me#I wasted my entire afternoon basically thinking maybe we would get to go and thinking maybe tomorrow and ugh#I’m just in a mood I’m sorry#I need to translate this annoyance into writing chp 10 before I fall asleep#also my best friend is updating me on her house sitting alone and she’s freaking out bc she’s not used to sleeping alone in a house by#herself and the power just went out on her and if my parents would’ve made our lack of plans more clear I could’ve at least been there with#her so she wasn’t so freaked out or at least so we’d be freaked out together#but tbh girl just lock yourself in a bedroom that’s what I always do when I have to sleep in my house alone. and put my car keys right#beside my head so if anything crazy did happen I could at least like set my car alarm off to alert the neighbors
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