Tumgik
#it really is days like these that make life worth living
keishawantskisses · 3 days
Text
Oh, nothing much, just a list of reasons why I am so excited to permashift to my ultimate 4d reality //better current reality//
∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘
— EXPERIENCING DESIRED SCENARIOS
I am a hardcore daydreamer just like my brother and sister shifters(you guys🫵🏾), and I can't wait to really live the silly imagines I always have in my head. Even if it's something relatively small, I will still get to live every second of them.
Idk if some of you guys will remember that one post where I mentioned Googlebox? But I'm mentioning it again🙄 because I scripted me, my love of my life, his sister who is my bff, my own girl bff and her boyfriend are part of the program teehee. I swear no one will ever understand how much of a comfort show Googlebox is to me and in general.
The idea of being on TV whilst watching TV and relaxing with my favourite people and eating my favourite food just makes me melt. It's such a core memory to me and idk I just love showing off how perfect my family is to everyone else
— FOOD
I can't wait for all the delicious food I'll get to eat. There will never be a single time where I have to eat something I don't like or don't want to ever again, because why should I have to? I'm mostly excited to have stuff like popeyes, McDonald's, seafood boils, those Korean and Japanese foods you see on mukbangs, loads of fruit bowls (I really do love fruit), basically everything meat/barbecue, pasta including ramen, and sweets too cus🧍🏿‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️
— NO UGLY CLOTHES ALLOWED
Never will there be a day or night where I will ever need to wear clothes that don't suit me or clothes I don't like. My closet is going to be full of the cutest and gorgeous late 90s and early 2000s skirts, shirts, bellbottoms, flares, jackets, oversized ts, shorts, belts, slippers, jewelry, panties and bras etc etc
— ALREADY COMPLETED WORK
In my better cr, I scripted that I am already miles ahead of everyone in college work (and best believe all my work is at distinction level) so I have all the time in the world to do what I want until the next brief; I also scripted the date of month that I will wake up in my better cr in is the 16th April last week so I will have only 3 days of college next week (because i go in on mondays, tuesdays, wendsays and Thursdays) and 4 weeks of freedom to myself. (I also scripted my teachers let me do my own art work in my free time in class, cus sometimes all a girl wants to do is draw their ocs🥺)
— CURRENTLY IN MY MOVING ERA
In better cr, I am kind of in the planning process of moving out of my house to my apartment penthouse with my friend group. I'm thinking of moving out at 18 or 19 years old since I'm 17 rn and I still want to explore my better cr house cus it's wayyyy better than this one. But even once I've moved out I'll probably keep visiting my old home where my mum and her husband lives because.
∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘
Overall, I am so excited to experience everything I have ever dreamed of. I know I deserve my freedom and peace, excitement, and joy. Being able to just do what I want when I want and always knowing that no matter what, everything is going to be okay.
Life is so amazing, and it's so worth living. I know I will manifest my desired reality in no time, and I know all of the stress, time, anxiety, and patience won't be for nothing. Life is mine to explore, and I can't wait to do so
@4ellieluv @livingmydreamlife5555 @theshifterbear @cocozydiaries
105 notes · View notes
kopilot-pop · 17 hours
Text
[New Jeans x Oldest Member! Reader] - #3
-imagine.
Tumblr media
Summary: Silly little fics of you and the gorls. You’re basically the tired father figure in their lives.
Warning(s): Cursing, car accident?, bribing a worker?,!crack humor, Hanni has a stalker, you get violent, etc.
A/N: This is like really unserious lmao. I wrote it really lighthearted. Also, this was written over the course of the whole Ador vs Hybe situation. So please understand I’m slowly becoming more unhinged as the story goes.
———————————————————————
#1
You’re strong. I mean physically strong. All of New Jeans, hell, ADOR knows that.
Oh where’s Y/n unnie?; She’s out for a jog.
Unnie is your hand okay?; Yeah, I just had a sparring match today.
That’s just a part of your life.
Fans adore this about you, the girls adore this about you, and today, you’ve come to appreciate this fact too.
Especially when a stalker decided to show his face again at the airport.
It’s been about 2 months since you’ve last seen the man. He went viral on the news (by news I mean Dispatch) for being Hanni’s stalker.
The last time you met him - oh, it was ugly.
He snuck into a performance venue disguised as a staff member. You were the one that caught him lurking near the MC waiting room.
‘Hanni’s supposed to be in there.’
Five. seconds.
That’s all it took for Hanni’s scream to pierce your ear.
The stalker barged into the room, grabbed the girl, and attempted to drag her towards the exit.
You don’t remember much after that scene.
Actually you might remember punching his face something and throwing something him across the wall, but that doesn’t really matter does it?
It mattered alot to Dispatch, who got a hold of the security footage, and decided to share it for the world to see.
The whole situation cause alot of debates of “Oh he’s a stalker. He deserved it. Good job Y/n!” versus “Wow, you didn’t have to get that violent Y/n.”, and in the end, the company decided to put you on a short hiatus and a long scolding from the producer.
Currently, you guys are standing across a crosswalk in front of the airport. The six of you are scheduled to perform in Paris in a few days and decided to get there early to settle in. You all planned a short vacation before having a whole week of dancing after dancing.
So imagine your surprise to see the dirty little freak right between the paparazzis - with a broken camera, might I add - staring at your group.
After acknowledging his presence, you quickly turned to Hanni - hoping that she didn’t notice him yet.
Unfortunately, you were too late.
Hanni’s body was slightly shaking and you could see the fear in her eyes as she stares directly towards the area where the stalker is.
Instinctively, you rushed to her side, and held her waist with your arm.
“I’m not letting him get to you, bub.”
“I.. oh you saw him too?”
“Mm-hm, and I’ll sucker-punch him if he tries to touch you again, alright?”
Hanni giggles, “Nooo, I don’t want you to be stuck in our dorms again!”
“I think it’ll be worth it if I get to break his nose this time, no?”
Minji - overhearing your conversation - butts in.
“Please don’t break anybody’s nose today unnie.”
“I’ll try my best.”
Minji gives you a skeptical look and you give her an innocent smile.
When the crosswalk light turns green, the whole group starts to walk through the group of people, as security tries to make enough room for you guys to pass.
The six of you were just about to manage through the gates when Hanni’s pained scream cuts through the air. You snap your head towards your right to see the same stalker gripping a fist-full of her hair.
And in just a millisecond, a loud crack replaces the girl’s scream.
The paparazzis’ cameras went wild with flashes - all trying to capture how you grabbed the man by his collar and slammed your fist right into his nose. Your pupils were blown wide, piercing right through the stalker writhing on the floor.
“Y/N!!”
Minji was the only one quick enough to snap out of her shock and grab onto you before you could attempt to break anymore of his bones..
Yeah, guess you’re not making it to Paris.
———————————————————————
#2
“UNNIE!! Look at this!!”
Danielle happily skips over to the rack filled to the brim with different bunny plushies. You, her and Haerin all decided to go to a state fair that was happening only an hour away from the hotel.
Technically, you were dragged here by the two of them, but that doesn’t matter.
You watched as the girls looked through the pile of plushies while sipping in your smoothie.
‘Is this what parenthood feels like..’
When the two of them finally chose a bunny they liked, they simultaneously looked over to you… expectingly..
“What. Wait. I already bought us food?”
They nod.
“And hats, I bought us three hats.”
They nod, again.
They’re now directly under your nose, giving you those big puppy eyes. Sweat drips down your back, and it’s definitely not because of the Texas heat.
With a exasperated sigh, you reach into your back pocket and take out your card.
“Excuse me, how much for two of those plushies?”
“Oh, so sorry, but those aren’t for sale. You have to win 50 tickets to win two of them!”
The worker gives you a smile and continues helping out a family near the shooting range. When you turn around, Danielle has a clear pout on her face.
“Aww.. I thought I could buy them..”
“Not you, I could buy them.”
“Potato po-tah-to.”
For a moment you think of the choices you have. It’s either waste cash on a rigged shooting range, give up on the plushes, and.. oh.
“Can the two of you get wait in line for the bucket of cookies over there? Here-”
You hand over a 20$ bill. Danielle squeals happily and Haerin finally has a tiny smile on her face. The older girl grabs her hand and runs towards the stand.
As soon as they turn their backs on you, you slither over to the worker again.
“I need the plushies.”
“Wha- oh it’s you again. Look man, we have a policy that we can’t sell the prizes for c-cash.. wha..what is that..”
You quickly tuck a 100 dollar bill into his front pocket and give him an innocent smile.
“Dude, this isn’t a drug deal, I- ugh, fine, I’ll grab you the fucking plushies”
“Thank you :D”
You carry the two bunny plushies in your arms and a giant teddy bear the man gave you in return for a signature to give to his sister.
You awkwardly walk towards your groupmates while balancing the giant furball on your back.
“Y/n unnie!!! Oh my god! What is that?!”
Danielle looks clearly surprised, but you can tell she’s having a hard time containing her smile. Haerin’s trying her best to help you with the teddy bear.
“I.. uh…-holyshitthisisheavy- I hit the jack pot! Yeah, jackpot….”
You give them a toothy grin, not noticing the group of people taking photos of the three of you, and definitely not realizing the absolute fever Twitter is having over the pictures.
———————————————————————
#3
“I’m telling you guys, nothing’s gonna happen-”
A loud scream cuts off Minji as a ghost jumps out from the wardrobe.
Hanni and Danielle screams louder than the ghost, and runs into your arms in fear. You turn around to see Minji in the same situation as you - just with Hyein.
“Nevermind…” Minji rolls her eyes as the actor scurries off to a different room.
But her nonchalant behavior doesn’t last long when something under the bed grabs her ankle. She screams and - quite literally - jumps into your arms.
“WHY DID YOU CHOOSE A HAUNTED HOUSE FOR YOUR BUCKET LIST.”
The moment you let down a wide-eyed Minji, Hanni grabs your collar and shakes you; Pretty sure she’s trying to get revenge, but having absolutely no impact.
“Ack- I thought it would be fun..”
“FUN?! YOU THINK GHOSTS AND DEAD PEOPLE ARE FUN???!!!”
While Hanni growls at you with tears in her eyes, Haerin bravely opens the next door, only to be met with a doll dropped right in front of her face.
The shock causes her to let out a scream-
‘My ears are ringing.’
which you never expected from her - and run towards you to use your body as a shield.
“ALRIGHT, you guys stand behind me, and I’ll open all the doors, okay? That way I’m the one being threatened by the next ghoul or whatever…”
The girls nod their heads in unison. Hanni finally lets go of your collar to grip onto your left arm.
You cautiously kick open several doors, trying to find the exit, and on the third try you finally find another long corridor with a glowing exit sign at the end. The 6 of you slowly walk towards it but freezes when the buzzing sound of a chainsaw starting echoes from behind.
You’re the only one brave enough to turn around and see the clown standing in the middle of the room you guys just left.
“Okay, don’t panic but there’s a clown-”
The girls scream in unison as they sprint towards the exit like their life depends on it. You follow suit, and use your body to bust down the last door.
The whole group falls toward the ground together, and the younger girls naturally grab onto you, tightly closing their eyes in fear.
“Um… Congrats…?”
When you see the employee standing behind the counter, you sigh in relief that the haunted house is over.
“Guys, we escaped the house.”
They finally detach from you to take a look around their surroundings.
“Oh! Well that was nothing.” Hanni scoffs confidently, causing everyone around her to let out a deep sigh.
———————————————————————
#4
“We got into a car accident.”
“WHAT?!”
You jump up from the bed - almost dropping your phone - and check the contact name again.
“Yeah, I think Haerin unnie has a concussion.”
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.”
You quickly put the phone on speaker and fumble around to find your jacket.
“Yeah.. so since Haerin unnie got her license we decided to take your car out for a drive..”
“Wait, wait- MY CAR?!”
“Yeah, you said we can take it out whenever we want? Anyways, we decided to go to the beach… but the road was really messy, I think my phone is glitched, unnie.”
“HUH?!”
“We kinda went down this hill… blah blah blah… we hit a telephone poll- blah blah….”
“Oh my god.”
You rush out the door to the location Hyein has told you. When you arrive, you spot the girls and your BMW M3 that you recently acquired after begging your uncle for 3 months to sell it to you.
With a quick glance you can tell that - thankfully - the car is only a little scratched up, so you immediately turn your attention to the girl curled up in the driver’s seat.
Haerin’s head is against the handle with both of her arms covering her face. Her knuckles are almost white.
“Hey, hey, you okay?”
The only response you receive is a tiny groan from the younger girl.
“Hyein said you might have a concussion? Can you look at me sweetheart?”
“She’s been like this the whole time.” Hyein chimes in.
“The car can be fixed, it’s fine, just a scratch. But it’s more important to me if you’re fine, bub.”
With that a few seconds of silence passes and you finally get a tiny ‘I’m okay’ from Haerin.
“Alright then, let’s move you to the backseat so I can drive us to the hospital, okay? Hyein, get in the passenger seat.”
“Hell yeah! Shotgun!!”
You carry Haerin to the backseat, but as you try to get her seatbelt on, you finally notice the frown on her face.
“Haerin, I’m not disappointed you guys took my car out. I told you guys you’re free to do that. However, I am upset that you guys weren’t careful and got hurt. Okay? We can talk about that after we check if the two of you are fine.”
“What- me too?”
“YES, YOU TOO. YOU WERE ALSO IN THE CAR!”
Hyein pouts at your disbelief. You sigh and give Haerin a peck on her forehead, and hurry to your seat to get to the hospital.
“Put your seatbelt on bub, I’m speeding to the ER.”
“W-wait, you just told us to be caref-AHHH!!”
———————————————————————
A/N: This was fun to write lol.
143 notes · View notes
morganski-19 · 16 hours
Text
part 1, part 2
Dustin visits the next day, sitting next to Wayne with the same book he’s had for the past few days. Turning to the page that was dog-eared, reading. Voices and all. Just like Eddie does when he’s practicing for one of those campaigns. Claiming that it’s better to get it down with someone else’s words so he can improvise. So he doesn’t have to memorize some script and can be in the moment. Let his mind do the workings along with the players. 
It’s one of the many parts of Eddie that Wayne sees in this kid. The dramatics, the drive. The snobbiness about certain things that don’t really matter to the rest of the world. But it matters to them, so it matters to the people who care about them too. 
If Eddie were awake, he might yell at the kid for turning the corner of a page instead of using a bookmark. Even though all the books he gets are second-hand and already torn and bent in all sorts of ways. But it’s about keeping the art pristine. The author put their heart and soul into this work, it’s not meant to be sullied. Wayne saw Eddie bend the corner of a page a million times over though, he just likes making a big stink about nothing. Just to get a rise out of people, make them laugh. Wayne can imagine that Eddie liked to make Dustin laugh a lot. 
“Have the doctors said anything new?” Dustin asks after finishing the chapter. 
Wayne shakes his head. “Same old, same old. Don’t worry about it too much though, he wouldn’t want you to.”
“He wouldn’t want a lot of the things that happened over the past week. So he’ll have to deal with it.” After a pause, he asks, “How are you doing?”
That makes Wayne laugh. “You don’t have to go worryin’ about me either. You’re just a kid.”
“And you’re just a man waiting for your kid to wake up. The same way I’m waiting for my friend to wake up. At the end of the day, we’re all still people. That sometimes need a break. So, how are you doing?”
It’s scary how much Wayne sees Eddie in this kid. “It’s hard comin’ here to hear the same thing every day.” That’s all Wayne’s willing to say to a kid. 
Hard is definitely a word most people would use to describe his situation. Difficult, disheartening. Maybe even hopeless. But there’s still some hope in this old heart that keeps Wayne coming back day in and day out. Keeps him moving while only getting a few hours of sleep a day. Cause as soon as the night comes around, it’s right back to the plant. Making the money to pay for the care his boy needs to keep living. To pay for the roof over his own head enough so he’ll live to see it happen. 
Truth is, Wayne’s dying here. From the fatigue. From the endless waiting. From the slowly draining pool of hope. Nothing seems to change. Nothing gets better. Six days in a medically induced coma with no hopes of ever waking up. Wayne’s not dumb enough to think that the chances increase the more days pass without him showing any signs of improvement. 
Part of him says that this is the state Eddie will be in for the rest of his life. Wonders if it’s worth all of this just to keep him alive. If he’s really suffering in there and would be better off resting forever. But then the heart monitor keeps beeping and his brain is still active. Wayne’s boy is still in there, he’ll come back soon. 
“Yeah, I bet that’s hard. I still have hope though, I was there when he came in. He looks a lot better now.”
There’s a knock on the door that keeps Wayne from responding. It’s the Harrington boy, in normal clothes this time. Discharged. 
“Sorry to interrupt but your mom said it’s time to go home.”
Dustin dramatically rolls his eyes. “Which one, my actual mother or you?”
“Your actual mother, but I happen to agree with her. Come on, you got school in the morning.” Harrington crosses his arms, looking like he’s ready to start a standoff. 
But instead of fighting Dustin stands. “Have a good night Mr. Munson. I’ll still try to visit as much as I can even though school’s starting back up again.”
“Thanks, kid, I’ll try.”
Harrington ruffles Dustin’s hair as he walks out the doorway. Standing there for a beat before turning back to Wayne. “We’ve never officially met, I’m Steve.”
Steve holds out his hand, waiting for Wayne to shake it. Wayne debates whether that’s a good idea or not. Apparently, it takes too long as Steve returns his hand to his side. 
“I wanted to apologize for the scene I made the other day, you didn’t deserve that. I was just so shocked that they actually cuffed him to the bed. Still have him cuffed to the bed.” Steve looks at Eddie with a guilt that Wayne doesn’t understand. Like he’s the reason Eddie’s strapped to the bed. 
Wayne continues to say nothing, not quite sure what would be appropriate. Tell him that it’s ok, that it didn’t bother him. Or thank him for believing that Wayne knew was true. That his boy was innocent. 
There was more to this story than he knew. Something to do with the kid being there and the rich boy standing in the doorway looking like this is all his fault. When Wayne knows the same scars mark Steve just as much as they do Eddie. Steve made sure that everyone knew that. Using it as proof that Steve was there, and that Eddie was innocent. 
Steve was ready to offer himself up as a witness for a man that the town hates. Wayne should be grateful for that, but it doesn’t seem right. They were part of different worlds. Different status, interests. It didn’t make sense for them to be in the same place at all. Yet here they are supposedly having gone through the same vicious attack. 
“Let me know if you need anything,” Steve continues when Wayne stays silent. “I’m more than happy to help out. Eddie was kind of a new friend and I hate seeing him like this as much as you do.”
“I seriously doubt that,” Wayne snaps. He hates charity, especially from this kid. For some reason he doesn’t really understand why. 
Steve is taken aback. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend.”
“I’m sure you didn’t, but you did. I know my boy and I know how my boy thinks about people like you. So don’t go ‘round gaining sympathy points from the real people who are suffering.”
“I, I wasn’t,” Steve stammers. “I would never.”
“Steve,” Dustin yells. “Get your ass moving, we’re your ride too.”
Steve sighs. “Coming, Jesus. I’m sorry for offending you. I won’t bother you again.”
Wayne shakes his head when Steve leaves, letting out a deep sigh. Maybe he was too harsh, maybe he wasn’t harsh enough. He’s not sure. 
He’s not sure about a lot of things anymore.
tag list, let me know if you want to be added or removed: @the-they-who-nerded, @insteviewetrust, @croatoan-like-its-hot, @jettestar, @tinyplanet95, @steddie-as-they-go, @slv-333, @littlecelestialmoth, @thatonebadideapanda, @fandomsanddeath, @marismorar, @wonderland-girl143-blog, @glass-bottle03, @gutterflower77, @here4thetrama, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @jaytriesstuff, @cryptid-system, @manda-panda-monium, @resident-gay-bitch, @anaibis, @xxsutherlandxx, @forevermineliv, @mugloversonly, @gregre369, @n0-1-important, @different-tale-student, @spectrum-spectre, @tartarusknight, @devondepresso, @swimmingbirdrunningrock, @cheertain, @anti-ozzie, @autumncrocusandladybug, @greeniebean911, @cr0w-culture, @stillfullofshit, @connected-dots, @daisynotquake, @morgannotlefay, @a-little-unsteddie, @dolphincliffs,
41 notes · View notes
orcboxer · 2 days
Text
Starting from when I was about 8, on a yearly basis without fail, my dad would show me 3-4 minute compilations of real footage of real people dying in horrific accidents, mostly vehicular ones. The intention was to teach me "you can die at any time, and if you ain't Saved you'll to to hell which is basically Infinite Torture World, and that's actually good, because you and everybody else on the planet all deserve infinite torture for making any mistake ever. And God killing his own son ain't enough to make you worth anything, you also have to sacrifice the entirety of whatever remains of your life and beg for forgiveness every single day, otherwise it would literally be better for everyone if you didn't exist in the first place." And I know that sounds like exaggeration but it ain't, that was the exact doctrine.
Anyway at some point during the ongoing pandemic my shitty car got towed away by the landlord of the apartment complex I live in and I never noticed because I worked from home and for some mysterious reason, for 2 solid years, I couldn't bring myself to even look at my car. I don't really have a punchline.
30 notes · View notes
x-liv25-jamieswife · 3 days
Note
Hey i read ur gray dying hcs. Can you make some for jamie too?? Thanks!!
(and maybe avery could be after)
people's reaction to jameson's death head canons
avery: she would be absolutely destroyed. she would not get out of bed and seriously consider offing herself (its up to you if she actually does off herself). it would get so bad alisa and the others would have to intervene and get her professional help. she would only get out of bed to visit his grave. i also hc that he'd have a pre-written letter for her if he ever died that he gave to alisa (he told her to give it to avery when he died). she would reread that letter over and over again until her eyes became blurred with tears. she'd also get really mad at the world for ripping all of the people she loves away from her. she'd stop working, eating, drinking, showering, etc. basically, she'd be so wrecked she wouldn't be able to handle anything.
grayson: he'd try to keep everyone together but would fail miserably bc he's also falling apart at the seams. he'd work to try to distract himself but nothing ever took jamie's death off of his mind. he'd visit his grave everyday regretting everything that happened with emily bc of what it did to his relationship with jamie. i think he'd also find a way to blame himself. he'd apologize to jamie every single time he visited his grave for not being the best brother. he'd end up hiring someone to do his work for him bc he just wouldn't be able to do it. yk what emily's death did to him but this would be 1391938 times worse. he'd be crying 24/7 and he'd also wonder if life was worth living (like avery). he would think he deserved to die instead of jamie.
xander: basically the same thing i put in my 'how would people react if grayson died post'. he'd crack is usual jokes in hopes of getting people to laugh and loosen up all while dying on the inside. he'd occasionally slip up and forget jamie was still alive. he'd be working on smth and would think 'huh let me ask jamie what he thinks about this' just to then realize jamie's gone. he'd also visit his grave to leave little gadgets and notes there/talk to him. i think the grief would hit him so hard he wouldn't be able to work on his inventions and experiments anymore. he'd just sit in his lab, dissociating, thinking about jamie and how shitty his life is now that he's gone. he'd check up on everyone, especially avery cause, like i said, she's not getting out of bed.
nash: pretty much the same thing i said in my grayson post. would also try to keep the family going but would also fail miserably. he wouldn't let anyone see him fall apart except for libby. he'd, in a way, think he failed at keeping his brother safe, and, that he didn't do the one thing he was supposed to do as jamie's older brother. he'd become extra protective of his two remaining siblings and avery. he visits jamie's grave balling his eyes trying to think of a way he could've saved jamie. unlike avery, he'd have to get out of bed. staying in bed makes him feel even worse so he gets up and either checks on the others or works. i can also imagine him feeling so depressed he's just numb to everything except anything that concerns jamie or his family. he wouldn't care about the things he cared about before and would just lose it.
libby: the one who's actually keeping everyone together. she's making sure everyone is fed, bathed, etc and makes sure everyone has someone to talk to or cry to. meanwhile, she'd be grieving too. even though she's not as close to jamie, his death would still hit her hard. her baking would get completely out of hand. sm that people had to make an intervention bc they couldn't eat all of the cupcakes. she'd bring the cupcakes to jamie's grave (like i said in my grayson post). she'd start crying at any time of the day when she sees smth that reminds her of him (this is basically the exact same thing i wrote in my grayson post but i wanted to include her cause she's the best. i just think she'd react the same to all of the brother's deaths (except nash))
not proof read so sorry if there are grammar mistakes or smth doesn't make sense.
29 notes · View notes
causticsunshine · 1 year
Text
.
50 notes · View notes
katyspersonal · 7 months
Text
Cool.. Our rent price got raised. :') I did not know it was even possible to get even MORE poor than me and mom already were, but here we are. Guess I'll start surviving on literal bread and water at this rate.
#/vent#personal#no but when will things stop getting worse?#in moments like this I feel especially bitter thinking about that asshole that went to me like:#'wahh wahh katy i won enough money in the court to buy everything I want but it doesn't matter because I can't buy YOU uwu'#*ten days later* 'actually I don't want a friend/sister anymore can you please stay in your bum spot and simply be my-#-online friend and listen to me ramble about my interests without any regards to yours and show off how cool my life is to you like always?#like no I am not materialistic but when people make dramatic promises of this kind they better stick to them#'nooo but you MUST get out of russia!!!' bitch how? I can hardly afford enough food let alone travelling and living abroad#anyways yeah I am done using the guy that pretended to want a better life for us both and then turned tail as a core for venting#sorry it just makes me angry#not so much living in powerty and not being able to crawl out of debt and my life state no matter what#but more about a very consistent trend of having friends that one day get RICH and dump me as 'lower class' right after that happens#he is not the only one like that in my life he is just the most recent one#really speaks about how unlikeable I am if people lose interest in me as soon as they can buy happy things instead#shows that my worth as a human being is super low and I only work as entertainment when people can't buy something to do that instead#like videogames food travels objects books etc etc...#I am just below those things and less interesting than those things and I'll die early hahaha lol#hopes are that supernatural luck power that doesn't want me to escape easily will send me something to help. because yeah my situation-#-is B A D.
14 notes · View notes
sleevebuscemii · 1 day
Text
unfortunately for everyone and all of us everywhere. the way to heal from living a shitty life is for your life to get better.
5 notes · View notes
gideonisms · 1 year
Text
burnout is supposed to end at some point, I have read this. However, how do you know when it has ended and you should gradually force yourself through more activities to get used to living a life again, and when doing that will send you Directly back to an even worse ring of hell. Is there like a guidebook or
32 notes · View notes
theythemmer · 3 months
Text
for years my friends have tried to get me back into minecraft and idk how to explain to them that after tosoth the game will never be the same . it’s been A DECADE and this fic still rules over my brain
#and don’t even TALK about snow angels around me i’ll cry blood and vomit tears#that fic gave me SO many trust issues i hve TO THIS DAY#and i KNOW ive ranted about this before but IT GENUINELY TRAUMATISED ME#but i was at one of the lowest points of my life and decided fuck it. i’m gonna read a long fic. i’m usually a max 25k person but i was like#nah let’s get invested in this one. good ol erisol human au. what could go wrong#oh dear reader it turns out that there was something that could go wrong#because at tht time i was an avid ff net user and there are no warnings there#especially not for major character death.#so i’m so invested in this fic#got a few chapters left. and then i start a chapter i swear ive read before in a one shot#and i’m over the MOON bc i know how this ends. they get engaged! so i’m SO fkn happy#and then. all alone in the snow of their front yard. eridans heart gives out. and he’s gone.#as a very traumatised teen who was dependant on happy endings to make me feel like life was worth living#i have never felt heartbreak and betrayal like that. only other thing that ever made me feel that much was my really messy breakup w da loml#i didnt sleep for a week. i was constantly sobbing and breaking down at school#reading about sollux going through their minecraft world and i just#yeah.#haven’t been able to make pancakes since too. used to be the thing i was best at#since then pancakes minecraft and snow angels are forever tainted#absolutely INCREDIBLE fic but i do Not do MCD or sad endings#and i was like being horrifically abused going thru hormonal conversion therapy to ‘fix’ my nonexistent sex drive#whilst dealing with r/pe accusations simultaneously . as a fkn 16 year old baby trans gay ace#so i was going thru it and when i tell you my ENTIRE mental state was depending on the dopamine i got from fan fictions w endings that#gave me hope my story wasn’t gonna end there. for them to struggle for so long to find true happiness within eachother#to them being torn apart by the cruel hand of death#bro i was inconsolable for so long . i still am and im almost 26 LMFAO#know it seems so silly to be so worked up over this but i can’t articulate how much my undiagnosed autistic bpd cptsd ridden self depended#on these fics to emotionally regulate#OBV THIS IS NOTHING AGAINST THE AUTHOR OR THE FIC I WAS JUST YOUNG AND TRAUMATISED AND COPING UNHEALTHILY#but i will never be able to play minecraft happily ever again
4 notes · View notes
hikeyzz · 3 months
Text
.
#anyway um happy thursday i hope y'all are havin a great day thx for following me and dealing with my antics i rlly appreciate you all so mu#esp all my beloved moots y'all are so so precious to me#anyway don't keep reading unless you wanna know what goes on in my dumb idiot brain all the time#i would simply love to not be in pain and suffering anymore#i feel like i'm never going to feel well again#and idk how much longer i can keep going like this#like this life is not so great that it balances out the absolute suffering i endure#so .#why am i doing it??#i never expected to live this long to begin with which is cool whatever like i chose to keep living#but i also expect to have a short life because of my health and my genes#and there's been some comfort in that where i feel a sense of ease knowing i'm not trapped in this life and there is an end#but so far my life has been that i am in poor enough health is seriously disrupts my life but only mildly disables me and does not actually#pose a risk to my ability to stay alive#like none of my health issues are fatal or life threatening in any way#they just seriously make it HARD to live and thrive and bc of that i'm like in disability limbo#and i don't wanna do it anymore#and trust me when i say i have thought soooooo much on it and am TRYING to make it worth it i am TRYING to make this life livable#i just can't keep living like this and my options rn are very limited#i want to ... so bad yet i keep trying and it just really really isn't worth it in my eyes#i don't know much longer i can hold on. i don't think i want to much longer#hikey#talks from ur local sexy psycho <3#disabled lyfe
6 notes · View notes
noscio · 11 months
Photo
Tumblr media
so i just got TGCF 6
#tgcf#heaven official's blessing#my god#mxtx really went 'what if i made this man suffer more than jesus'#like at least jesus got to fucking die you know#at least jesus got some time in a garden to prepare himself#pookie's entire life just went to shit one day and keeps getting exponentially worse every. single. day.#at every turn xie lian is like 'im not that great im not worth believing in'#and every time hua cheng (in any manifestation of himself) takes that personally#hua cheng has been running after xie lian even in death#which makes me so giddy because he doesn't HAVE to but every time he chooses to follow Xie Lian and watch over him#like that's what it's all about. when love IS a choice that you keep choosing#also very funny that hua cheng was like 'hey can i kill those people for you- i mean my beloved'#and xie lian literally responds by stabbing himself that would be a suicide attempt if he wasn't cursed to live#and also Hua Cheng keeps choosing violence#you hurt Xie Lian?? you SHIT TALK his highness the crown prince??#OHHHHH WRAITH BUTTERFLIES!! A THOUSAND WRAITH BUTTERFLIES BE UPON YE#XL could fold any fucker over his knee except for literal SUPREMES and he just chooses not to because he's given up#who's going to be the hua cheng to my xie lian??#or who's gonna be my xie lian?? i want someone to spoil#also i'm glad we're finally getting to see XL go apeshit#ever since learning that XL most suppresses bloodlust the most i have been WAITING for this man to start cussing someone out and get mad#XL has finally said fuck everybody.
10 notes · View notes
taichouu · 8 months
Text
Getting ramen tonight .. Before I became a ninja, I was a nobody, but I never gave up.
3 notes · View notes
fuyuesu · 1 year
Text
cannot emphasize enough how much i love and cherish my friends. god i love my friends i love you all you are all so important to me i cherish you all so much i am so thankful for your existences i love you i love you i love you
11 notes · View notes
torchickentacos · 11 months
Text
FIGURING SOME SHIT OUT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!
#connecting the dots#unbeatable lightness. you WILL make sense before I go to bed tonight.#I'm making hella progress though. I think I've found some good stuff#currently at 1.2k worth of 'making sense of it' right now#i have a google doc.#i'm just mad that my ethics/philosophy class was the way it was now though#because I LOVE this shit#but the class was so much more focused on the philosophers themselves#and how their ideas applied to specific given situations#and i don't really like that approach honestly#I think it's much more interesting to look at ethics and philosophy in a more introspective manner#and to think of how it affects us in our daily lives#than to aimlessly assign consequentialism vs deontology to a made up person and situation#and like i have no issue with using made up scenarios at all#I think that's actually pretty important to test the limits of any given school of thought. try to find the exceptions#but that's the thing!!! there's always exceptions! So we should be focusing more on how to use all of the ideas in cohesion with eachother#than to just think of them as their own inseparable laws of which you can only use one at a time#because that's... not how it works. on paper? sure. in real situations? no#i can use consequentialism on paper all day long. in real life you need to mix that with intent vs impact#bc it's never just ONE that will determine the morality of an action#i'm rambling now but idk i have a lot of thoughts and no way to organize them into coherence#there's a reason that I always went over word counts in my papers and essays lol#like. how the hell do I explore the intricacies of ANY topic in 600-1k words?#bc there's exceptions and what-ifs!#this is my issue. i overthink everything#and end up on ten tangents about some random side topic that only barely relates#example: me talking about essay word counts on the post where i want to talk about a pokemon episode name ldjhskjfhdj#i have so much to say all the time. is all of it worthwhile? probably not but it's there
3 notes · View notes
niallandtommo · 1 year
Text
.
15 notes · View notes